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dreamersscape · 3 years

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In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble �� Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

youtube

#I do apologize for all the switchfoot/other repeated bands or artists #I wanted this to be really varied but switchfoot just has my number I guess?#I'd like to say I got it all out of my system now since I'll likely have to do a part two at some point #but that's not completely true *rubs back of head sheepishly*#also all the mentions of fanvid creation are just because I've always been a heavily visual learner/how I process stuff #--ironic given my visual disability--#so I suppose when my brain gets attached to something that's in an auditory medium it still has to find a way to add in a visual component?#anyway I hope this 60+ songs behemoth of a playlist is not too overwhelming and that the musical styles are somewhat up your alley!#I swear I'm going to jump back into our Kakashi & Yamato conversations now!#turns out I really suck at multitasking sometimes /0\#kakashi hatake #obito uchiha #team minato #kakashi 'n' obito #kakashi 'n' rin #kakashi 'n' tenzo #gai 'n' kakashi #sakumo hatake #naruto uzumaki #kakashi 'n' sasuke #kakashi 'n' sakumo #kakashi 'n' naruto #kakashi 'n' minato #Itachi 'n' Sasuke #itachi uchiha #itachi 'n' shisui #yamato #tenzo #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno

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hiro-gari · 3 years

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Batarou Headcanon - a Stuffed Wolf and an Old Photobook by: Little1993lamb to: Lilia / @hiro-gari

Word count: 2298 Warning: Some kissing scenes and a mention of making out, but nothing explicit.

Hello again! I’m back with more small Batarou headcanon~ 😁✨

This time I decided to write little fluffy hc for both of them, because lately I feel down more often than usual and thinking maybe some comfort writing about these secretly softie boyfriends will help 😅💦

Hope you enjoyed my little headcanon! 😉💕

—————————–

One day when Badd was cleaning Garou’s stuff boxes in attic room that he brought after the former fugitive moved into Badd’s house, he found an old mini album contained Garou’s childhood photos along with a small fluffy stuffed white wolf doll.

It was a big old fashioned photoalbum book, already became dusty from being in the storage box for a long time.

Then Badd inspected the fluffy stuffed wolf, it was still in pretty good condition as it seems someone cared enough to keep the doll from any damage. Clearly a precious gift from an important person of Garou.

When he looked it closer, the stuffed wolf is kinda adorable, too. The white fur was very fluffy, if it washed properly probably would be fluffier than its current condition. This stuffed wolf even has tiny golden beady eyes and that “ :3 ” smile on its muzzle.

‘Just like the owner of the doll’, Badd chuckled lightly by the thought. He was amused about this fact. Maybe after the entire attic cleaning has finished, he would do some quick laundry to clean up the stuffed wolf before giving it back to his handsome boyfriend.

Putting the cute stuffed wolf doll aside, Badd opened the dusty photo album.

On inside, page by page, he found alot of tiny Garou pictures, from the time he was a little baby in his mom’s craddle, his toddler days with both of his parents, until the beginning of his elementary school years. The photos were put in right order so Badd could recognized the progress of Garou’s growing up stage in a couple of years.

He didn’t know that Garou used to be a sweet looking kid, very different from what he’s like in present time. Nothing like a naughty brat or delinquent boy like Badd has imagined before, nothing at all. By seeing these picture, he figured out that Garou was a normal child, with a little bit of timid nature. So different with what Garou was currently: the confident extra dramatic feral wolfboy.

And Badd noticed the photo collections amount were diminished after Garou entered elementary school, and had completely stopped once Garou graduated the elementary school. He wondered what happened to Garou during that time.

Still curious, Badd cleaned up the dusty photoalbum and then carried it with him so he could show the album to his boyfriend. Not forgetting to also bringing the stuffed wolf doll in, he put it on the laundy as he would clean it later. After that, Badd went on searching his missing boyfriend.

He found Garou lazily lounging on top of the couch with Tama in the living room, casually watching tv while drinking cola. Once Garou noticed Badd’s presence, his eyes twinkled and he grinned widely. He patted the seat beside him so the young hero would sit together with him.

Badd approached Garou, accepting his invitation to sit beside him. He was coming into welcoming arms of his boyfriend and then leaned his head on the wolfboy’s chest, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. Before Garou shifted his attention back to the tv show, he saw Badd still craddling a big old photoalbum that seemed very familiar to him. He asked Badd where did he find that thing.

Badd carefully answered that he just cleaned the attic along with Garou’s old stuff, then he accidentally stumbled into his childhood memento. He had seen the photoalbum contents and wanted to give it back to Garou, probably they can salvaged the old photos and placed them into their newer photobook along with Badd’s own childhood photos.

Garou seems agreed with Badd’s suggestion, he let him do what he wanted. But Badd still curious about one thing: it’s about Garou’s past. From what Badd knows, ever since Garou moved in, he hasn’t tell Badd about his past before the hero hunting days. Wanna asked about the matters, but he afraid Garou still not ready to be more open with him.

That’s why Badd wont ask Garou something he wasn’t comfortable enough to tell.

Garou was contemplating himself, should he tell about his horrible past to Badd or not? But Garou knows Badd wont judged him no matter what happen, hopefully Badd would also understand him. Besides, they’re already giving mutual trust for each other even before they started dating. It made Garou feels very grateful to be together with Badd.

Prepared to spill the truth behind his past, Garou took a deep breath then gazed tenderly at Badd’s face for a moment, before proceeding to tell his childhood experiences.

After Garou telling Badd all of what happened to him that made him changed, Badd said, “You should look at my childhood photos, I was more like a punk kid than I am now. Besides, we could have been bestfriends, maybe with that I could protected you from any mean kids and scared them away from you”, while holding Garou in a comforting hug. In which Garou reciprocated in by enveloping the smaller body into his arms, hiding his face on Badd’s neck.

Badd continued, “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you back then, if I could turned back the time I would absolutely become your friend. So you wont be alone”, he tightened his hold onto Garou’s back. “But now you have me, we could make many happy or silly memories together as much as possible from this day on”.

Badd finished it with a gentle ruffle on Garou’s fluffy spiky hair, then kissed his cheek softly for a brief second while still holding Garou tightly.

Garou was a bit teary during listening to Badd’s heartwarming speech. He didn’t expect that one day he would be receiving those genuine reassurement words, something he desperately yearned back then years ago when he was a lonely bullied kid.

Garou wished that he could meet Badd much earlier in his life, and wished that their actual meeting between them wouldn’t be in a silly fight which was almost resulted in life-or-death situation. But of course both of them couldn’t rewind the time to make it happened.

Badd was right, the least they could do is to create many memories together and live their life the best, enjoyed it to the fullest. Maybe it wont be perfect, but as long as they’re happy then it’s alright.

Only the cheery voices from tv show and purring sounds of Tama were heard in the background. All was forgotten at the time Garou and Badd giving deep loving affections for eachother in a tight, warm embrace.

Drowned by the comfortable and relieved feeling of having someone who cares about the other dearly, everything else was just unimportant white noises for them both.

At some point Garou also shared some sweet and soft kisses for his beautiful kindhearted lover, to show how much he feels grateful to be with Badd right now, tomorrow, and for years later. For forever, as long as he still breathing.

And in return, Badd also giving the same amount of affectionate gestures for his beloved purehearted lover, by planted deep passionate kisses on his lips, whispered sweet nothings which also reassuring love vow into Garou’s ear.

This time Garou deserved to be pampered as Badd will gives permission for his boyfriend to do anything he likes, while Badd still showered him with love he has for Garou. Maybe tonight would be an interesting romantic night, considering Zenko was currently having sleepover in her bestfriend’s house so Badd could have private night with Garou.

But for now, Badd let Garou holds him in his arms, enjoying their sweet intimate moment. Purring softly in content on Garou’s chest mimicking what Tama usually does, Badd closed his sleepy eyes.

Taking a little nap together on lazy Sunday afternoon sounds not bad..

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The next day after Badd coming home from Hero Association’s boring monthly meeting, Garou and him, with a generous help from Zenko, rearranging their childhood photos and placed them in a newer family photobook. They cleaned up the photo papers to make sure they wont get damaged by the dust or moths before putting them inside the new album.

Some of good pictures of Garou’s and Badd’s childhood years were being made into small collages and framed onto their bedroom’s wall. Made it seems believable, like they were actual childhood bestfriends who spent their life together since beginning. Decorated beautifully by Zenko, of course, because these two hopeless boys don’t have good aesthetic sense.

Badd promised Garou and Zenko that they will takes photos of any of their good events from now on, then collected them to save in their family photobooks. So they will have their happy moments documented throughout the time.

About the stuffed doll, Badd also digging up his own storage box and found his old handmade kitty plushy doll. It was his late mom’s handmade doll as Badd’s 5th birthday present. After he washed up the two stuffed animals, Badd placed them on top of their bed.

The adorable stuffed white wolf and the cute tuxedo kitten plushy doll, standing side-by-side together neatly on top of Garou’s and Badd’s pillows. They looked exactly just like their owners, and they’re also together now.

Badd felt so proud of his works, both for the framed photos on the wall (mostly he credited the design to his amazing lil sis!) and the decoration dolls on their bed. Garou was chuckling when he saw Badd like that, glad that his hero boyfriend had done all of it just to make Garou happy.

Garou went to hug Badd from behind, entrapped the smaller man inside loving embrace, in which Badd responded with approved humm as he leaned back into Garou’s warmth. Happy that Garou appreciated his effort.

Then Garou put his chin on Badd’s shoulder and snuggling him, while sneakily saying “Thank you, babe~” so softly into his ear. Complete with (un)necessary biting on Badd’s earlobe that made the young hero blushing brightly and elbowed the laughing wolfboy on his sternum.

The friendly bickering and light manhandling between them quickly turned into a brief steamy making out session on the bed. They were ready to escalate it further more, before repeated hard knocking from outside the bedroom door by Zenko stopped them in track, calling both of them to prepare the dinner meal.

With a teasing smile, Badd told Garou that they should continue it later after they all have dinner together. He gave a soft peck on his boyfriend’s lips, then he immediately got up to answer Zenko’s call. If Garou were really a wolf, he absolutely would joyfully wagging his fluffy tail at the moment while following Badd along towards the kitchen like a lovestrucked puppy.

Meal preparing and their family dinner went normal as usual, but Badd could feel a pair of bright golden eyes always gazing at him with much tenderness whenever Garou thought Badd didn’t noticed him doing that. He just replied it with a soft smile towards his lover.

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Later at night, when both of them were ready to sleep, Badd saw Garou reaching for the stuffed white wolf and craddled it on his chest. He closed his eyes while caressing the doll with gentleness, like it was a precious rare treasure. Badd thought for a moment, Garou looked like a small innocent child like that.

Badd understand what Garou just did, it was because the doll was the last thing he got from his late mother, a present that was given for kid Garou before her death. He clearly missed his mom but haven’t got a time to reminisce the memories of her, at least until now.

Same as him, Badd himself also not too much showing his emotional burden and weakness to people after the death of his parents. Even to Zenko, because he must be strong brother for her despite he was also hurting inside, but haven’t found someone who was willing to lend their shoulder for Badd to lean on, to seek comfort at, and to help him released his bottled up emotions.

But then Garou comes into his life, slowly giving his trust and warmed up to him. Eventually he was offering Badd a chance to opened up his hidden burden as a hero and as a person, despite Garou himself still keeping his hurtful memories.

That’s why Badd also wanted to return his favor by giving him lots of happiness that Garou. That eventhough he has awful past, he still deserved to received more joyful things in his life. And Badd was more than happy to do all of it, anything to make Garou smiling genuinely more often.

Felt the sleepiness has been catching on him, Badd also grabbing his own kitten plushy doll and hugging it dearly on his chest. It’s been so long not to sleep with the doll, especially after the tragic day because it would hurt him.

Now that Badd has already found his own happiness, he could thinking his memories of his mother calmly. Not the painful one anymore but the blissful one. He still missed his father and mother so bad, of course. But he hoped their parents already in peace together in heaven. Maybe they were watching him from above there now?

Bringing the cozy blanket with him, Badd shifted closer towards Garou so his lover would cuddle him. By the instinct, the sleepy Garou put his arm around Badd and pulling him more closer until Badd could rest his head near Garou’s chest. Purring contently, Badd snuggled against the hard pecs, feeling safe and comfort already.

Both of them have a good sleep and nice dream that night in eachother’s arms. The stuffed white wolf and tuxedo kitten plushy could be found between their sleeping figures..

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🐺 THE END 🐱

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Notes:

Honestly I feel this very cheesy but I couldn’t help it, forgive me for the OOC-ness I’m so sorry! 😅💦

Also Lilia, if you noticed, this headcanon was actually based on your Garou headcanon and our small convos about it here: •https://hiro-gari.tumblr.com/post/636445859688677376/what-if-garou-has-a-box-of-his-old-stuff-still •https://hiro-gari.tumblr.com/post/636531124727889920/what-if-after-garou-was-gone-from-bangs-dojo-and •https://hiro-gari.tumblr.com/post/636579523086958592/little-garou-with-a-stuffed-wolf-thats-so

Because I like the imagery, I tried to make a little writing from our shared headcanons. Hopefully you don’t mind it 😆💕

And I also combined those ideas with my older headcanon which I sent for @the-goddessfighter last year in here (please check out her amazing illustration for it, it’s lovely! 💖): https://the-goddessfighter.tumblr.com/post/629479209492987904/part-1-badd-was-cleaning-off-his-attic-when-he

So how was it, do you like this headcanon? 👀✨

Before I ended this note, I wanted to say sorry if my writing seems boring or uninovated, because I only rewrite/recycled the old hcs without being able to write newly fresh ones 😢😞 Or that I always writing Batarou waaaah I’m so sorry that I’ve been clogging your Garou simp blog with my submissions, I must apologize to your followers, too, forgive me– *bowing profusely* 😭🙏💦

Nowadays I’ve been slowly losing my confidence to write, because I don’t know if my works is good enough or not. Maybe I’m not good enough, but I’m very grateful for anyone who still willing to read these messy writings of mine. Thank you guys, your supports are encouraging me to keep going! I will try my best :“”)

Like usual, many thanks always being given for: @hiro-gari, @the-goddessfighter, @kaincuro, @guby1620, @garous-nipple, @jusqu-une-etudiante, and @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas, and of course all of Batarou shippers in the fandom! Thank you, I love you all~ 😭💕💖

Hope you guys have many great days, thank you~ 😚😘❤💜💙💖💝🌸🌻💐

-Little1993lamb-

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~Lilia:

aaahhH OMG our little wolf convo ;~; I’m so honored it could help inspire this beautifully nostalgic and emotional headcanon the “if I could turned back the time I would absolutely become your friend” really hit me like a bus I’ve got real tears in my eyes

It makes me so happy to imagine them having each other now, a steady support to lean on in their chaotic lives, and finally putting all those bitter memories to rest ♡

#LISTEN #I am ALWAYS honored to receive these from you!!#it’s a garou simp blog and badd’s invited too #everyone simp garou!!!#maybe it doesn’t make sense but garou being happy is my real kink 😅#anyways thank you soso much for sending me this I love it!!!#you and the batarou shippers on here bring me so much joy :')#ilysm #submission #anon #batarou #garou #metal bat

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beebrainedstudios · 3 years

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ADSOM AU Asks are open!

Since I’m still working on some ADSOM art (I’m like 75% done with several things), I thought I’d list out all my ADSOM AUs (including the new ones) and see if anyone has any questions about them, their plots, or even any questions for the characters. Maybe I’ll even do a few drawn responses. So ask away people! I’m in the mood to answer. AUs below the cut, and each has their own tag.

Precious To Me: During AGOS, Kell pushes Maxim too far in the cells (and vise versa), and Maxim tries to have Kell executed by sending him to White London. Lucky for him, Osaron is a nice oshoc who is delighted to have another Antari around, and despite Holland’s protests Osaron insists Kell stick around as another prince. Hijinks ensue as Osaron tries to bribe the pair to get along with magic lessons, Rhy tries to figure out where his brother went, and the Essen Tasch Masquerade Ball approaches, during which everyone will have to make a decision that will change their lives forever. There’s shapeshifting, magic training, mystery-solving, and a whole host of other things; it’s a lot of fun.

Ferase Stras Kell: Maris never gave Kell to Maxim, instead telling him she never received an Antari. Lila and Rhy end up acting as the focal pair of the series with Alucard joining in along the way, but when Osaron is closing in and all seems lost, Maxim reveals his deal with Maris and his suspicions that she was never entirely honest with him. The group along with Holland heads out to sea to find this mythical Antari, but the man they find may not be entirely willing to help them.

Smuggler: Kell’s family never gave him up (they decided on the boat), so rather than growing up royal, he grows up as the heir to a massive crime family, which he contributes to by using his natural Antari gifts to help him smuggle. Rhy eventually gets sent by Maxim to go break up the smuggling ring as a chance for him to prove himself; he and Kell become rivals in a cat-and-mouse game, as neither really wants to fight the other like their families want.

Black Magic Buddies: A weakened Osaron wakes up post-ACOL and ends up stuck with Ned, who can’t decide if he’s terrified, in awe, or amused by his new roommate. I’m trying to do a comic with this one and several installments are already out! Go check it out if you want; the tag’s below.

Studs and Spikes: A modern AU where almost every character is a celebrity of some sort; Kell and Rhy are pop stars, but Kell hates it. Maxim and Emira aren’t just his adoptive parents- they’re his managers, and Kell can’t stand the pastel pop aesthetic the pair force on him, but he has no idea what to do. Now that his old buddy Lila has left to pursue her own career, Kell’s left fuming with no way out. One night at a bar, Kell ends up meeting the Dane Twins and their drummer Holland, a punk-rock band that Kell wants nothing more than to be a part of. Astrid extends the invitation, recognizing him from his albums; he gets along nicely with Athos and Holland after all. What follows next is a roller coaster roadtrip as Kell tries out the rockstar lifestyle and the group tries to avoid Maxim, who first starts a manhunt to find his “son” and then considers other, more dangerous methods of making sure Kell gets back to making music the way he wants him to...

Aesthetic: Basically just an excuse for me to draw ridiculous versions of the cast. Every London has a look and aesthetic, all evolved from the original color of pure magic; rainbow glitter. Grey London is steampunk, Red London is hyper-trendy fashion where the royals dress like various pop stars, White London ranges from punk to goth to emo, and Black London is based on the 90s. I’ve drawn for this AU before.

Tangled: Pretty self-explanatory if you’ve watched the Disney movie. Kell is a magical dude imprisoned in a tower with only the occasional visit from Holland or his companion gecko Hastra for company (also the White Twins, but Kell doesn’t see them much and definitely doesn’t find them to be good company). He bumps into the traveling thief Lila Bard and demands she take him to see the beautiful red city he can sometimes see at sunset. She agrees with some conditions, they go and cross paths with the royal prince Rhy and his trusty dragon Alucard. Both groups agree to work together if Lila will show Rhy where the Shadow Thief (AKA her, but he doesn’t have to know that) went. But something strange is going on; Rhy can’t figure out why seeing Kell triggers strange visions for him, and Lila swears that she keeps seeing a shadow following them, occasionally joined by two others that give her a bad, bad feeling.

Aftermath: Holland survives because I say so, and he, Rhy, and Alucard try to navigate kinghood together- up until Rhy decides to up and go leave to find his brother.

Reverse: The seal between the Londons decayed long ago, leaving four separate kingdoms split by two massive rivers. The bloodthirsty Red London is eager to conquer its peaceful and prosperous White London neighbor, who has built its own resistance movement in an effort to beat back the threat. Prince Rhy is trying to resist in his own way, as he hates the actions of his wicked parents and the ruin they’ve brought to the kingdom. Rhy is worried too for the court Antari, Kell, a man who made a decision in secret, one that saved the prince’s life but left them both tied together, and if Maxim and Emira find out Kell is doomed to a fate worse than death. But death itself seems around every corner, and its Rhy’s turn to save Kell and himself, if he can only figure out how. He finds the locket of his past lover; Rhy’s parents said he died at sea, but the locket proves otherwise, and Rhy has a good idea where he went. He and Kell flee for White London, but the resistance will not be happy to see them- Rhy can only hope that he can find Alucard before the resistance and its leader find them.

Western: Arnes is a small desert oasis that hosts one of the most successful business families around, the Maresh family. Their railroad wealth flows out to the rest of the town, but such prosperity attracts dangerous outlaws and gangs looking to make off of other’s good fortune. It’s up to Sheriff Kell to keep things civil, but he ends up off the beaten path and must work to recover a special stone artifact worth millions of dollars that Maxim Maresh needs; Kell also may or may not have had a hand in its disappearance and he needs to clear his name. Teaming up with the known thief Delilah Bard ends up being his only option, and the two work to reclaim the stone while also avoiding natural dangers and the deadly White Vipers gang.

Swapped: Several characters get their arcs swapped around; Athos becomes Red London’s Antari after mysteriously appearing in Arnes, Astrid meets Lila Bard and the two become tyrant queens, Kell is their very angry thrall, Holland is a magical thief trying to avoid detection in Grey London, and many others. Not the same thing as Reverse AU.

Pokemon: Also fairly self explanatory. Everyone has their own pokemon teams and it affects the plot a bit. Osaron’s part-pokemon, part-Ultra Beast, and the Inheritor is a master ball. You can imagine how things go down.

Pets: Everyone gets cute pets because I say so, regardless of whether each pet species actually exists in England or whether the character died in canon. They all deserve a cute animal companion.

Congrats if you read this far down! This turned out a bit longer than expected, but I hope you enjoyed! Ask away!

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stularsen · 3 years

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THE HURRICANE vs THE CORONAVIRUS (part one)

That time we planned a once in a lifetime hurricane world tour for March 2020..

I’m currently on a plane for the first time in six months. It feels strange to not have been in the air for this longer than usual period of time but also strangely normal to find myself once again on a flight surrounded by complete strangers. The main difference now is that everyone seems even more in their own worlds than before. Maybe this is because we have replaced invisible masks with real ones and we now happily hide behind these physical barriers, to protect us and others from the virus that stopped the world from moving almost entirely.

The last time I was on a flight was back in March 2020 as the planet was beginning to understand just how serious the situation was becoming. Unfortunately for me, I had planned a once in a lifetime tour for this exact period of time.. The Hurricane Tour. It was an adventure I had been dreaming up for many years and planning for many months. The idea was simple enough, to travel around the earth in one month, playing eleven shows in eleven different countries, experiencing different cultures and meeting different people all along the way. We would start in Australia on the first day of March and then visit Japan, India, Botswana, Turkey, Germany, England, Canada, USA and Mexico before eventually finishing in Argentina on the last day of March.

The lead-up to this crazy tour wasn’t particularly smooth and it was looking like it might be a kind of storm before the calm scenario. One week before we were due to begin, I landed back in Australia from a few months away only to find my precious guitar had been split right down the middle during the flight and my passport had somehow been damaged and needed to be replaced urgently. At the same time Jarrad Seng (the man behind the photos and videos) was having some major laptop issues and needed to find a decent replacement in the last remaining days before we set off on this epic journey. Through some minor miracles and generous support from friends and strangers and also a tour manager who refuses to ever say the word ‘impossible’ (thank you Thomas!) we began this absolutely insane tour where we would quickly learn that we would need to rely on more miracles and friends and strangers to help solve some pretty interesting problems every single day throughout the tour.

The first show was in AUSTRALIA and somehow everything went pretty much to plan. A very jet-lagged Tim Hart (album producer as well as band member and support act for the night) had flown back from London the day before to then drive out west and play one of the best shows I have ever seen him play (while his newborn son watched with us from backstage). My slightly nervous and always teary mother joined me on stage for a little song. My dream of playing a show at Empire Theatre in Toowoomba had finally come true with 500 of the loveliest people to share the moment together. It was a truly special evening with lots of family in attendance as well as old friends from so many places and work colleagues from the bank days. Perhaps the most special person in the crowd for me was Bob Cook, the man who taught me to play guitar when I was a very shy 14yr old kid, to whom I am forever grateful. What a night! It seemed like the storm before the calm scenario had played out and we were about to have the smoothest and most incredible tour of our lives! In reality though, it would turn out to be the exact opposite and what we had just experienced was actually the calm and the greatest storm I’ve ever witnessed was fast approaching.

Thomas, Jarrad and I were up early the next morning and off to Brisbane Airport where we should have been boarding a flight for Tokyo, but a few days earlier we had been notified that due to the virus situation we would not be able to play the show in Japan and would potentially be putting the rest of the tour at risk if we even entered the country. So we somehow managed to change our flights very last minute and head to SINGAPORE instead, but without a show to play. We decided to put the word out and see if anyone knew anybody who might be able to help. It was truly incredible to receive so many messages and comments from people who desperately wanted to help us find a place to play. It didn’t take too long before the team at Timbre X @ The Substation came to the rescue and let us bring in a few people and play a few songs on their outdoor stage before Supersonic helped everyone dance the night away. Show number two, somehow completed.

INDIA is next on the list and it’s looking like everything is maybe going to happen as planned.. until we are waiting to board the flight to Mumbai. I hear my name called over the speaker at the airport in Singapore. An upgrade to business class perhaps? Oh how nice that would be. But no, there was a problem with my visa not being recognised with my new emergency passport and they would not allow me to board the flight.. we pleaded with them to see what they could do while I scrambled to contact people in India at 5am local time to try and amend the visa. It was beginning to feel impossible. If I missed this flight there was a chance there would be a knock-on effect and the rest of my flights for the month could be cancelled. With no other viable option, we decided it might be best for Jarrad and Thomas to board the flight for India and for me to wait in Singapore to try and fix the problem and hopefully get on a flight later that day. But just as we were saying goodbye to each other I heard my name called again and we were told that they had heard back from the flight captain and he had overturned the decision and I would now be allowed to fly?? A medium sized miracle! We celebrated and quickly disappeared feeling both jubilation and disbelief. Surely now is where good things start to happen..

Of course not.. We landed in India to an email notifying us that our show had been cancelled, with very little explanation. We pleaded with them to reverse their decision but it wasn’t looking hopeful, so we put the word out to the people, again. Very soon we had been saved, again, this time by the wonderful people at Veranda Bandra who rearranged their schedule to fit us in super last minute. It was crazy to play a show in India and have people singing along to my songs, it just didn’t feel real, but it was happening right in front of me. Our time in Mumbai was so short but so incredible and we made fast friends with some amazing people. But onwards now to our next destination, the most random location of the tour but also maybe the smoothest show of the tour..

We arrived in BOTSWANA after a long day of travel via Ethiopia and Zimbabwe to the warmest of welcomes. Local musician and Stu Larsen fan, OneSpared, was there to greet us. We had connected a while back when OneSpared (Thuso) had covered one of my songs and I couldn’t believe that someone so far away was not only a fan of my music but was also singing my songs. When the idea for this tour started to become a reality, I contacted Thuso to see what he thought about playing a show together in Gaborone. He said we should do it, so we did. We turned up. The crowd turned up. It was magical and so full of love and energy. Finishing the show at The No1 Ladies Coffee House by singing Whisky & Blankets unplugged with the entire crowd singing and dancing was maybe the highlight of the tour for me, it still feels so surreal when I think about that moment.

With things starting to feel a little smoother, we felt like we were maybe going to be okay in the next days. But when we turn up at the airport to fly to TURKEY we’re told our flight is no longer departing. At this point, we don’t really react. We are so used to being hit with bad news every day. We are in a good frame of mind for finding solutions and after some fast talking and a little bit of confusion, a few minutes later we have another option sorted. We arrive in Istanbul to more bad news, the venue is unsure if we can go ahead with the show due to the worsening and frightening virus situation. It’s now the 11th of March and things are getting serious with the virus, but we want to push ahead while we can and play another show if we can, so we agree to keep the numbers low, the windows open and provide masks and hand sanitiser for the crowd and thankfully Cem at Norm Coffee agreed to let the show go ahead under these conditions. It was a very intimate show with a percentage of the crowd consisting of local cats, an actual dream situation for me :)

After the show, I could see a slightly worried Thomas, he seemed to be rushing to get us all packed up and out the door and back to the apartment.. but why..? Because, he told me as we walked away from the venue, not only our flight, but all flights for the next morning were apparently cancelled. We would spend the next hours trying to work out if there was another way to somehow make the journey from Istanbul to Munich without spending too much time or money or if we would be stranded in Turkey for the coming days/weeks/months. Nothing seemed to make sense so we did what we knew best, we kept moving forward. We had been told that the flight had been cancelled and that the airlines were stopping all flights instantly and that we should not go to the airport the next morning, but every time we searched our flight number it showed that it hadn’t been cancelled and was still on schedule…? We decided to wake up early and make our way to the airport to see what would happen. We didn’t know what we would find when we arrived, but it was eerily quiet and by some miracle our flight was one of only a few flights still operating while the airline and airport finished shutting everything down.

We were so relieved to be able to fly to GERMANY but landed in Munich knowing that the sold out show at Folks! Club was probably going to be cancelled and that it was getting close to game over for the three of us. We searched for an alternate option for the show but we realised that bringing people together was just not the right thing to do anymore. We were starting to understand just how big this virus situation was becoming. We had to accept this and cancel the show and decided to replace it with a livestream instead. We found a friend with a beautiful living room where I played a few songs and shared the experience with a handful of friends and a wider audience online. It was hard to accept that we maybe had to stop this once in a lifetime dream tour which had been unfortunately planned for the exact same month that a global pandemic took hold of the planet, but more and more it was becoming clear that this was the likely outcome.

Waking up in Munich the morning after the little livestream we were told that our next flight had been cancelled, but we managed to be put on another flight which took us to our seventh destination. We arrived in ENGLAND and of course one last thing went wrong. None of our luggage turned up. No suitcases, no guitar, nothing. We waited and waited and waited and waited. We were hoping that for some reason it would just turn up, even after everyone else had collected their belongings and left the airport. Our luggage didn’t arrive and it kind of felt right for things to be this way after somehow surviving the challenges of the previous weeks. We started to make our way towards the ‘lost luggage’ counter to see what we could do but along the way we saw some lonely but familiar suitcases and a guitar sitting beside a completely different luggage belt. We three idiots had been waiting in the wrong place the whole time. Call it exhaustion, call it stupidity, call it what you want, we don’t mind, we were just thankful to not have actually lost our luggage that day in London.

From here, things moved quickly, we made the decision to cancel the sold out London show and we knew we then had to cancel the remaining shows for CANADA (sold out), USA, MEXICO (sold out) and ARGENTINA (sold out). We announced one final live stream from a little cafe in London called Hotshoe 333 where we would officially call it a day. It was a weird feeling, we didn’t want the tour to end, but it simply had to. It was not possible nor sensible to continue. The Coronavirus had well and truly overpowered the Hurricane. Thomas, Jarrad and I said goodbye the next morning and we headed our separate ways.. which is when things started to get really interesting…

Check out the new video for Hurricane - https://youtu.be/xttiOK-0CCE

#stu larsen #hurricane #coronavirus #world tour #march 2020 #jarrad seng #thomas stein

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starblaster · 3 years

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athenais lemaire :0

athenaïs lemaire (he/they/she) is something between a protagonist and narrative focus from a novel i workshopped about a year ago (and am presently in the process of turning into an audio drama podcast with the help of some friends because i think it would function really well and best serve its purpose as a story in the audio and transcript format)

to summarize, his story is inspired by. a lot of things. i took inspiration from pre-existing works like the little prince, doctor who, interstellar, the never-ending story (sort of), porco rosso (i’ll.. i can explain), orlando (the movie and book), and howl’s moving castle (just a little bit. for the vibes)... as well as things that weren’t really stories at all, but which my brain sort of took off and ran with like the voyager mission(s), the existence of the old ‘methuselah’ tree, the 52 hz whale, roy’s monologue from blade runner, a sort of ethereal humming sound that gives me frission chills (idk what else to call it—it can be heard in the first 33 seconds of “relic” by reeder... but honestly the entire album this song is found on has inspired me a lot as well), the hesitant feeling we all get when we have something precious and we don’t want to Use and Enjoy it because we fear we’ll ruin it or use it all up (a blank and brand new sketchbook or a vinyl record, for example).. and a question someone asked me once, when i was like 15 years old, what i would do if i got one chance to go back in time and change something that i thought might make the world a better place.. to which i answered: the burning of the library of alexandria.

his story is about accepting things that are temporary, embracing loss, and learning to live with a unique and cosmic loneliness that none of us could possibly imagine.

(i’m putting the rest of this under a readmore cut because it... got very long and wordy fjdklsf)

the story ‘begins’ chronologically in 1780s enlightenment-era france with athenaïs lemaire and two of their friends who have built a time machine. they are essentially anti-elitist outcasts from the academic community who have a lot to prove so they’ve decided they’re going to use this time machine (which is, due to the nature of its components, not really built to last and is absolutely going to be a one-time trip) to go back in time and save the library of alexandria. the mission can only take one person. they draw lots and athenaïs gets the shortest stick. he knows it’ll be a very arduous mission to take on but in his mind it’s worth so much more than just himself so he’s willing to risk. just about everything. to see that the library of alexandria is saved.

i won’t get into details because i don’t really have certain things about the logistics re: granular historical details figured out yet—it was in lots of my workshop notes because i skipped over it entirely and i just know i need to do some more research to get things squared away before i write the episodes that will be spent delving into athenaïs’ backstory—but, in short, it works! the plan really does work. he’s able to salvage a wealth of documents and artifacts from the would-be-torched library alexandria. but time freezes and everything stops; the entire universe pauses as minerva/athena (she specifies that she does not really have a name, but that is the name the greeks and romans have given her) tells athenaïs she can’t let that information stay on earth. it wasn’t meant to survive into the coming era.

but she cuts a deal with him and really sweetens the pot—tells him she’ll give ‘his’ ship (which jkfld he stole or ‘borrowed’ from a roman merchant depending on how you want to phrase it) some generous enchantments: flying power? check. breathable atmosphere on deck and in the rigging? check. tardis logic cargo hold that can store an almost endless number of things like a museum of infinity? check... and she will grant him ‘immortality’—aka a lifespan of suspended age (to help him travel light years) that is so exceedingly long that he will no doubt witness the heat death of the universe - and though he can still certainly sustain injuries, even extreme and otherwise fatal wounds, he will heal from them given enough time and rest and this is. sort of his curse. think like. jack harkness from doctor who... and he will be granted these two things if he agrees to live in exile from earth and never return. if he wants to save all that knowledge and information, he has to take it elsewhere. he has to go share it with other alien cultures and maybe, along the way, help some space aliens defend their right to universal knowledge on their own home worlds (kind of borrowing from the little prince with the episodic planet-to-planet kind of structure). and so he does that. he does that alone for a really, really long time.

and then a stowaway finds their way onboard the novice.. and i have yet to give the stowaway a name but also wonder.. if they need one? i think they will canonically have a name that is just. secret. the stowaway sort of becomes athenaïs’ gateway into lots of complex emotions regarding his immortality, the responsibility of duty he manufactured for himself to basically be a space-traveling curator/archivist of sorts. he’s not used to having friends (let alone friends that are as close as family) after centuries of loneliness wherein his only company was the ship (which is absolutely alive, in a way) like. a large part of his character arc is unlearning the nihilism with regards to himself and his immortal body that he's adopted over the centuries. like, sure, he has motive and drive to go around collecting artifacts and such to share cultural knowledge with the people of the universe but he’s never had a crew to speak of before now.

and i’m currently getting a little emotional over a conversation i write the "alien cleric” (still no name yet because i am a fool with nonsensical priorities when writing things lmao) as having with him (in summary) like, "yeah, captain, you're going to outlive us. you're going to outlive all of us, but that shouldn't mean that you turn the crew away out of fear. you've got to accept that nothing lasts forever. in fact, some things don't last very long at all. you can't preserve everything. they're not artifacts you just have to learn how to get the most out of their company and their love while they're here with us, and keep them in your memory long after they're gone." they spend so much of their immortal life just trying to save things and keep them safe forever. and they're often a little reckless because he knows he only really has to 'worry' about the novice (because the ship can absolutely still be damaged) but once other people start figuring into the equation it's like. ok now hold on, i have to take care of myself? because it will hurt these people—who have formed a bonded attachment to me—to see me in pain? oh no. oh lord. oh fuck.

athenaïs has had a very lonely life! he’s sort of a sisyphean archetype character but becomes less alone over the course of his whole story via found family. thinking about it in depth, though, makes him very tempted to push crew members away (because.. ouch! he's getting attached), or put mental ultimatums on when he should tell them to think about leaving his crew because he doesn't want to see himself outlive them. he wants to save them like he saves artifacts and manuscripts & like he rescues them from being lost or damaged or aging. but you can't preserve your friends like artifacts, athy </3 i'm sorry mate. he feels a sense of responsibility for what he's doing and believes he needs to keep doing it because he made a promise to himself and also to the literal goddess who gave him an immortal life long enough to survive near-endless light years’ worth of travel, etc, etc.... but also hates how much of a curse it is.

like it really tears athenaïs up inside thinking about how the plan he and his colleagues came up with worked and he was so close to making that dream of a better world into a reality. feeling like he wasted a perfectly good once-in-a-lifetime trip into the past to fix something. and how he simultaneously feels such regret because nothing will have changed on earth, he didn't really save anything for humanity's future, he just took it with him. feeling like he did it all for nothing but sometimes being reminded that he can still share the things he's collected from alien worlds and documented to spread to other alien worlds & share with the rest of the universe and that actually he is helping. he just. sometimes forgets this. forgets that earth wasn't capital-e Everything, just a small world in a really big universe that he happened to come from and can never return to. hell, by the time the stowaway has found themself aboard the novice, it already contains far more alien textbooks and manuscripts and artifacts than it does earth-things.

also hi if you read all this... 🤍 i hope you’re having a really fantastic day right now. thanks for sticking with me, i’m thinking constantly about this story right now because i’m in the process of turning it into an audio drama with the help of some friends, as i said at the beginning of this post, and i just love talking about it. i’m sad i can’t provide spoilers for some big plot-relevant things that have to do with athy’s character and his development but i’ll keep them to myself because i definitely don’t want to ruin any surprises :’)

#athenaïs tag #athenais tag #dairy.txt #long post #anons #ocs tag

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najatheangel · 3 years

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Hi, I hope that you are doing well!! I was wondering if I could get a private bts ‘date with an idol’ ship? I have survived the past 19 years including a pandemic, possible world war and a crappy remake of Olympus has fallen, so imaging a date might be a good idea for once. 😅 Okay, a bit about me: I am a literature student, a waitress/barista and I do volunteer work. I love doing things like baking, hiking, painting, dancing and listening to music. I don’t really have a type, but I am a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of love, only it has to be faith and the right one. My ideal date will be something peaceful yet adventurous, like strolling around galleries/museums, having a hike and then picnic, go hop on a train and see where it goes or just making dinner together. [...]

@itismeanne Hello beautiful soul thanks so much for requesting. I love doing these so much so I hope your enjoy this one. Your pictures aren’t awkward at all they’re lovely my dear. And awhnnn thanks so much for your kind words I’m happy you exist too.

The member your going on a date with is…Namjoon

His outfit for the date:

Your outfit for the date:

How it started: You’ve recently just started your new job in the new café to save up extra money for school. This café was known as the best in town for it’s iced americanos and for selling the best authors books.

One day your boss called you in to take one of your co workers ship and gave you the heads up that a special quest has entered the café. When you walked in you immediately saw RM from Bts sitting by the window drinking the new Frappuccino drink in the menu that you came up with.

You wanted to jump and squeal out of excitement, but you had to keep your cool to save yourself from the embarrassment. Your boss finally gave you an excuse to approach him by handing you the book RM requested from the back.

Your Boss: Hey y/n make sure you hand this over to RM. He requested this song writing book from the back. Plus I’ve noticed you looking at him for a while go get him tiger. He pats your back and gets back to work

He leaves right before you get the chance to thank him. With you getting excited you already walk over to RM with a plan in mind. You even offered to slide in a gift card for limited books and coffee for him to thank him for all he has done with his music it has changed you life.

Y/N: Clears throat. Here’s your book just as you requested from my boss Charles. I actually love using that one for when I used to turn my writings into music, but I’ve learned to enjoy literature more.

RM: That’s interesting that you say that I bet you would be an amazing writer. He smiles right back at you and notices the gift cards sliding out the book. Whoa, is this from your boss too?

Y/N: Actually, that’s from me. I wanted to thank you for working so hard to share the world your music and it has helped me become a better woman. You blush picking up the gift cards that fell on the floor and handing them back to him.

RM freezes looking shocked yet thankful for the kind gesture. He’s always had memorable encounters in public with fans, but never with a fan that has made his heart beat so rapidly.

RM: Thanks so much I’ll make sure to keep coming back here so I can write my songs here.

Y/N: How about you come back tomorrow if your not too busy? Of course to help you find more inspiration for your next comeback. You laugh out of nervousness.

RM stands up after finishing his coffee and before he leaves he turns back to face you and says…

RM: Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow for our…date. He winks and walks out the door smiling to himself.

Y/N: Right tomorrow.

You smile singing to yourself looking forward to tomorrow…

The Date Spots: Café Library/Van Gogh Exhibit

Since your café is closed on Fridays your boss was generous enough to lend you the keys and have the whole café open for yourselves. You even spend the first few hours to bake some muffins and tidy up around.

You’ve come prepared just in time when you heard the sound of the bell ring when he was opening the door.

The both of you walked up to each other smiling so purely and begin your song writing session.

Where the kitchen area is there is a secret area to the bookstore where you bring all your customers books from. You’ve set up fairy lights to around the books cheers and lit up candles to set the mood.

Namjoon felt very flustered that you went all out for this meeting and took more of a liking to you. In the first few hours you got to share your ideas for the title track of the next Bts album, but it became more hard to focus with all the goofing around.

After wasting 12 pages of paper it ended up becoming a paper ball fight in the study area. Namjoon gets way into the paper ball fight and ends up loosing balance leaning against your petite body on the book shelf’s.

Y/N: Whoa are you okay? Kind of lost track there. You giggle helping him stand up straight.

RM: The god of destruction is back at it again it seems. So sorry... Notices that the books behind you fell. Let me help you get those up.

The two of you organize the books back into the shelf bonding more over your favorite books, authors and quotes from your favorite stories.

RM: Hey Y/N since we’ve pretty much finished the song here I have a suprise for you as well. I have tickets to the new Van Vogh exhibit 20 min away from here. Would you like to finish off this date with a bang?

You stand there gasping as he hands your ticket over and gladly accept his invitation. You wonder why he was going all out to spend this whole day with you, but you didn’t seem to care because you were so happy.

You and Namjoon reserved a spot for the last show around 7 and almost missed it with traffic in the way. He grabbed you hand running to the ticket booth so you two won’t miss the beautiful show that your about to witness.

When walking it started off pitch black and you both cling onto each other not sure what was about to happen next. Finally the lights come on projecting all of Van Gogh famous pieces throughout his career.

You were perhaps just a tad bit more excited than Namjoon, but he was still happy to witness how much fun you were having and would cherish this moment with a fan forever. Perhaps he thought about you more than a fan at this very moment.

Namjoon: What’s your favorite Van Gogh piece y/n?

Y/N: Mines would have to be the Terrance of a cafe at night. It reminds of how I first saw you and how I’ve learned to have a passion for what I love thanks to you. How about yours?

Namjoon starts getting a little caught off guard with your poetry and makes him fall for you even more.

Namjoon: Well, actually mines would have to be almond blossoms. They remind me of how innocent, bright and strong they can be just like you. The blossoms bring so much life out of everyone and wants to continue to spread peace.

You both sit down together staring it each other’s eyes continuing the compliment battle as the background changes to Vincent’s most popular piece The Starry Night.

The colors move so swiftly across the background that it projects the most perfect romantic setting.

Y/N: RM err...Namjoon I’m sorry to be a bit forward, but would it be wrong to kiss you right now? You push your string of hair behind your ear.

He leans in further caressing the side of your face stroking your hair.

Namjoon: Normally I don’t kiss anyone on the first date not even army, but I can’t help but want to break the rules.

You both lean in closer finally touching lips as you kiss under the starry night. It was a very slow paced quick kiss, but it was unforgettable.

The Aftermath: “That was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on in awhile!”

His words kept repeating in your head when he’s walking you home hand in hand.

Y/N: I had so much fun today too Namjoon. I hope in the future we get to do this again soon.

He stops walking for a second looking sad for a moment. When he meets people like this he wish he can drag them along in his crazy idol life everyday so he wouldn’t have to worry about long distance.

You rub his shoulder reassuring him it’s going to be okay. You both might have very different lives and might end up finding other people in the future, but that doesn’t stop your precious memories together.

Y/N: How about we make a deal. If we don’t end up finding other people with in the next 10 years, then we have to wait for each other. If we do, than we let each other know right away. Deal?

Namjoon: Deal!

You both seal the by pinching each other like crabs on your arms. It was both of your way of pinky promising.

You exchanged loving eyes at each other one last time before you head inside. He blows a kiss at you and says.

Namjoon: No matter who I end up with, you still will mark down as the girl in history to become my first love. Don’t you ever forget it.

With that he walks up to his ride home leaving you speechless yet weak to the knees with his strong words.

You lean against the door sighing reflecting on the whole day with him.

Y/N: Same for you Kim Namjoon. No matter who I end up with, I’ll never forget why happened today. I look forward to seeing you again.

Thanks so much again for requesting and I hope this somewhat made your night/day. ♥️♥️♥️

#date with idol ship #idol date ships #submission #kpop ships #bts ships #Bts date #Bts #kim namjoon #rm #Bts date with idol ship #Bts idol date ship

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amyscascadingtabs · 5 years

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i’ll walk through hell with you

"When does it become something?"

Jake furrows his eyebrows. "What do you mean?”

"Because everyone always says the same thing. One month is nothing. Three months is nothing.” Amy twirls the negative test between her fingers. “Four months is nothing, either. So when does it become something?"

Everyone knows how to get pregnant - it's simple, general knowledge. You go off your birth control, track your ovulation, time it properly and there you are.

They don't tell you what to do when it's not that simple.

read here on ao3

chapter 1 - you’re all i never knew i needed

Amy has a proposal for Jake, an agreement is made, and a new project begins.

october

“More book.” Leah’s barely keeping her eyes open, her eyelids falling before she blinks herself awake yet another time. “Read more book?”

“We’ve read three books already,” Amy reminds the almost-two-year-old bookworm snuggling into her side. “I think it’s time to sleep.”

“More book,” Leah insists another time. A yawn follows immediately after her request, and it’s hard for Amy to keep from laughing.

“Tomorrow, baby,” she promises instead, tucking her daughter’s wild hair between her ears and kissing her forehead. “We’ll read more books tomorrow.”

“Mor-row.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

“More books mor-row,” comes with another yawn. “Night?”

“Yeah, it's time to say goodnight. I love you,” she whispers, hugging the child tight. “Dream sweet dreams and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She almost expects a reply, but there isn’t one, because Leah’s already drifting to sleep. Once she’s given in to the exhaustion, she’s passed out in a matter of seconds. Their daughter's unswerving competitive streak shines through even at bedtime; the same series of events have been occurring for several months now. Leah will insist she's not tired even as she starts yawning repeatedly, demand they read book after book and fall asleep in under a minute once she finally gives in to her inevitable need to rest sometimes.

Amy carefully moves the child’s arms off her own chest to free herself from the warm embrace, steps out of the toddler bed and tucks her daughter in an extra time.

She stays for a while after Leah’s fallen asleep. She always stays a few minutes at her daughter’s bedside, trying to prolong the utter beauty and calm of the moment as long as possible. Leah’s getting so big now, enough so to fit into a toddler bed and sleep in her own room, and even though it’s come on gradually, the toddler’s raised level of independence brings on a lot of emotions for Amy. It feels like yesterday this kid was a helpless infant stuck to her like a band-aid near twenty-four seven and now she's a child, a child with personality and interests who waves through the window when she's dropped off at daycare in the morning and falls asleep in her own room like she never did anything else. It makes Amy entirely convinced time is moving too fast.

The all too quick progress of time is one of the reasons she cherishes these peaceful moments so much. When Leah's asleep, all innocent and relaxed and clutching onto the blanket with one fist, it seems like the passing of time stops for a moment; like there's nothing else but the perfect sight of her sleeping. She looks both so big and so small like this, Amy thinks. It's painfully clear she's no longer the tiny baby she used to be, but she never looks younger, more angelic, than she does when she's asleep. It makes Amy’s heart swell with love as the toddler reaches out for the stuffed lion animal she refuses to go to bed without, smiling in her sleep.

“You're the best thing in my life,” she whispers to her daughter before she leaves the room. “I love you so much.”

She tells her the same thing every night, meaning it as much every time.

However, despite how much she means those words, Amy’s willing to admit Leah isn’t exactly the master of tidiness yet. The living room and kitchen looks like a medium-sized volcano erupted there when really, all that went down was Amy trying to feed a stubborn toddler dinner and attempting to do some work from home while Doc McStuffins on the iPad kept said toddler entertained. Now she has to spend a good ten minutes putting dishes in the dishwasher and toys in the toy bin while she waits for her husband to come home.

Neither of them work as many late shifts anymore, but they still usually have to suffer through it at least once a week. Amy loathed these nights on her own before having a baby and found herself getting bored of it way too soon, but she values them now; they’re the longest stretch of proper alone time she gets in her current everyday life. Sometimes she uses this time to do extra work on her computer, but she's all caught up tonight, so she settles for pouring herself a glass of wine and curling up on the sofa with a crossword puzzle she’ll actually have time to solve.

It’s just her luck, then, that when she truly has the time to delve deep and challenge her brain, she stumbles upon the easiest clue she’s seen in a long time.

Seven letters across, someone with the same mother and father as you, ending in a g. She snorts at the basic level of the puzzle and fills in SIBLING without missing a beat before moving on to the next clue.

It's just a word, an answer for a too-simple hint in a crossword whose level is frankly beneath her, but once she writes it down she can't stop thinking.

It’s a meaningless reminder with zero connection to her personal life. It doesn’t mean anything, she reminds herself, but it reawakens an already budding thought nonetheless.

Leah’s the perfect age to have a sibling. She must be, because whenever Amy is dropping the girl off at daycare, she swears every other mom there is either pregnant or bringing a newborn with them. Two years is the age gap between the majority of her own siblings. Two years is what she and Jake talked about in their early discussions, agreeing on a goal of two kids which got dropped and was never brought up again after their first child successfully upended their lives in the best way. She supposes they never talked about settling for one child, either - they’d simply felt complete for the moment.

Half a glass of wine makes her significantly tipsier now than before she had a baby, so maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the fact that she recently turned thirty-nine, and she may be a Santiago, but even her mom had her last baby at forty. Maybe it’s the fact that she recently sorted through their storage space and found the boxes of Leah’s old baby clothes they saved, holding up the miniature onesies and tearing up in disbelief she ever had a baby tiny enough to fit in those items. Maybe it’s solely a random thought, brought on by a comically simple clue in a crossword puzzle. Whatever it is, it’s enough to make her put down the pen and crossword on the couch table and go get the photo albums she created for her pregnancy and Leah’s first year.

She’s halfway through the first album and all the way through her glass of wine by the time she hears the door unlock.

“Hey, wife.” Even after four years of marriage, Jake’s smile is wide and dorky when he says it, like he still can’t believe they’re married and he gets to come home to her at the end of the day. “Is Lee asleep?”

“Yeah, she fell asleep an hour ago,” she replies, feeling her heart melt seeing how despondent he looks at the news, pouting his lips while he hangs up his jacket and messenger bag. “But go in and tell her goodnight anyway? I know she missed you.”

“I missed her. And you, too.” He makes a detour for the couch, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips before heading for their daughter’s bedroom. “I’ll be right back.”

She flips through the last pages of the first album while she waits for him. It feels like ages ago the pictures in it were taken and surreal to think she’d ever been that pregnant, although she remembers it vividly at the same time. The longing, the curiosity, and the never-ending wait for it all to be over so she could finally meet the person hiding inside her; it feels like yesterday, and yet it's perplexing to think there ever was a time before she knew her daughter.

She misses it. Not living without Leah, not for a second, not even when they’re both exhausted and the toddler is crying and Amy never wants to hear the theme song to Doc McStuffins ever again in her life, but the excitement of waiting for an entirely new little person to arrive and change their lives forever - she misses that feeling enough to long for a chance at experiencing it again. She wants another unbelievably tiny person to hold and snuggle and watch grow, another beautiful combination of herself and the man she loves most who she gets to see turning into their own unique individual, and she’s thought about it for quite some time but is certain now; she wants another child.

“What are you looking at?” Jake sinks down in the armchair next to her, leaning his head over her shoulder. “Aww, those pictures. Wow. A long time ago.”

“Yeah.” She smiles, turning the page to the first spread of Leah's precious newborn pictures. Even after two years, it's hard for her to look at them without tearing up at the sight of her firstborn so tiny and new and perfect from the very first moment, and she has to use the sleeve of her hoodie to dry her eyes. “Two years, huh?”

“It’s insane.”

“It is,” Amy admits, tearing her gaze away from a photograph of an hours-old Leah asleep on her chest to look up at Jake. “I wanted to talk to you about a thing.”

“A thing,” he repeats teasingly, an amused grin on his lips. “Sounds specific.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’ve just been thinking about something.”

“I’m listening.” He stands up, sitting down at the other edge of the couch instead when she moves her legs aside, and she takes a deep breath to gather her confidence.

Finding the right words seem impossible at first. They feel momentous, and she's unsure whether it’s something he’s thought about or not. Amy silently chides herself for not asking - she needs to start learning from her mistakes. Jake’s watching her with an air of expectancy, leaning one arm on the back of the couch and resting his head on his bicep.

“So I know we’re a great little family as we are, right now,” she treads carefully.

“The best.”

“Yeah, the best.” She reaches out her free hand, taking his in hers as they share a smile. “But I’ve been thinking about it for a little while, in the back of my head, and I… I think it could be a good time.”

He crinkles his forehead. “Good time for what?”

Amy rambles the following words way too quickly. “What would you say about maybe adding another member to it?”

There’s a beat of silence as what she’s said begins to sink in for him. Her heart is racing, not in an unbearable way but one that makes her short of breath nonetheless, and she’s watching every minute movement of her husband’s face as he runs a hand through his hair, a spark of excitement flashing in his eyes.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I hope so.”

His grin grows wider, and there’s a split second where she thinks he’s going to tear up before he speaks. “Oh my god, you changed your mind about getting a cat?!”

She’s literally taken aback, pulling her hand out of his and leaning backward on the couch. Scrunching her nose and shaking her head, she tries and fails to make sense of the obvious miscommunication.

“Babe, what are you even talking about?”

“What are you talking about?” He looks about as confused as she feels, twisting his face like he’s somewhere between deep frustration and outright laughter.

“When did we ever talk about getting a cat?”

“Last week, after I went over to Craig’s house with Leah?”

“Craig with the hat or Craig with the creepy identical twins?”

“Craig the single dad with the twins, and they’re not creepy, they’re just very identical and I’m not saying I hope Leah stays friends with them until they’re older and I can influence them to dress up like the twins from The Shining for Halloween, but I wouldn’t mind it, you know. Anyway, they have the most amazing cat,” he says, making heart-eyes at the mention. “She’s called Luna and she’s so fluffy and her breed is allergy-friendly and Leah totally adored her, so I asked you when we were going to sleep if you thought we should get a cat sometime, and you said not until Leah’s older. So - did you change your mind?”

“Jake, was that the same day I went to Shaw’s with Rosa?”

“Might have been - ohh,” he realizes, nodding slowly. “Your alcohol tolerance sucks. You don’t remember.”

“I really don’t, no. Either way,” she shrugs, “that’s not what I was saying.”

“So what were you saying?”

“I thought I was making it obvious with the album and all, but I guess not.” She reaches for his hand again. “What I was trying to say, is that I want to start trying for another baby. If you want to.”

If he looked confused before, he’s completely bewildered now, mouth gaping and brows raised.

“Wait, Ames. You want a baby?”

“Yeah! Why's that such a shock?”

“I don't know,” he laughs, “because you explicitly told me we were never having another baby? Multiple times?”

“I did? When?”

“Every single day for the first and last two months of your pregnancy? While you were in labor? After?”

“Well, obviously I didn't want another baby then,” she explains, rolling her eyes again. “But I want one now.”

“Cool. It's just, you also gave me highly specific instructions about how if you ever insisted on having another kid, I would remind you of exactly how awful pregnancy and childbirth was until you changed your mind.”

“Really?”

“I know because I wrote it down,” says Jake, reaching for the phone in his pocket. “It's somewhere in my notes, what you asked me to write…”

“That's okay, you don't have to read it to me -”

“Here it is! If Amy ever says she wants another baby, remind her of how awful labor was and how it felt like she was going to pass out from the pain before the epidural and also how much it burned to push a - uh,” he blushes, “ you know roughly what it says. “If that doesn't work and she still insists she would do it again, remind her of how much it sucked to feel perpetually nauseous for the first three months of pregnancy, or be the size of an above-average walrus and constantly in pain for the last two.” Jake puts down the phone in his lap, doing a sharp inhale for dramatic effect. “If she still says she could do it, please do everything in your power to convince her otherwise. There’s more, but - I think you get the gist.”

“...I asked you to write this down?”

“Yes. Yes, you very much did.”

She’s trying not to laugh, but the thought of her being so obdurate about not wanting another baby she penned an entire defense speech against herself and made Jake keep it is wildly entertaining, and before she knows it, she’s giggling uncontrollably at the entire concept. It only takes seconds before Jake’s laughing too, and she moves closer to him, squeezing him tight in a hug.

“You’re adorable for saving that, you know?”

“Well, you were very intense about it.” He leans back just enough to press a quick, delicate, kiss to her lips. “But to be fair, you did hate a lot of things about pregnancy and childbirth.”

“Huge fan of the result, though.”

“Mm,” he nods, giving her a dreamy smile that partly makes her want to cry happy tears and partly makes her want to jump him then and there. She supposes her busted alcohol tolerance isn’t helping much. “That I have to agree with.”

“And, I mean, I did do it. Even if it sucked, I’ve survived it once, you know?”

“You aced it.”

“So I’m pretty sure I could do it again. And I know I apparently told you two years ago to convince me otherwise,” she says, meeting his gaze with purpose. “But I do want it.”

“Okay.”

“So how do you feel about it?”

“How do… I feel?” Lines are forming between his eyebrows, his head tilting while he looks like he’s diverting all his brain-power to this one question.

“Yeah. Do you want another baby?”

“Oh. Wow.” Jake runs both of his hands through his hair. “I don’t know. I guess I just always assumed you definitely didn’t want another one and left it at that? Didn’t exactly feel like my thing to decide.”

“I love how considerate you are,” she tells him softly. “But you must have thought about it, right?”

“Well… yeah. I guess for me, I started thinking about another one from the point Leah started sleeping through the night. Maybe a month after. Whenever I started to feel human again,” he chuckles, and the corners of her mouth quirk up. “I didn’t say anything because I figured it’s not what you wanted. But if you changed your mind, then...”

“So you’re in?”

“I’m in,” he says without a trace of doubt in his voice, and she kisses him hard.

They’re so close, Amy’s practically straddling him, and perhaps she didn’t mean trying for a baby as in right-this-second here-and-now, but he’s smiling against her lips and their daughter’s deep asleep by now and there’s alcohol in her blood and he’s just made her so indisputably happy, she’s everything but bothered by his lips trailing down her jawline, her neck, her shoulders.

“Just to check,” he mumbles, his breath warm against the skin over her now exposed collarbones as she’s running her hands along the back muscles he always claims he doesn’t have. “This isn’t some kind of elaborate scheme to get in my pants more often, then?”

“Please, like I’d ever need a scheme.”

november

They start properly planning the next day.

Amy’s heart is beating hard with excitement as she throws away the package of mini-pills in the morning, and she’s almost jittery when she stops at CVS after her work shift to buy ovulation test strips and fertility supplements. She never got to do this the first time around, when she simply went off her birth control intending to letting her body adjust and found herself pregnant after a couple of months of next to no active trying. She’d be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying the structure part of it now. Tracking, planning, color-coding. Hoping.

What speaks against her getting pregnant all too easily is her age, every website reminds her. Words like geriatric pregnancy and low ovarian reserves and even increased risk of stillbirth are thrown at her from every angle, causing her to bite her nails with stress while she's researching on her laptop at night. Jake catches her one evening, deeply submerged in a thread about success rates of IVF while she's twirling her hair to the beginning of a stress braid, and after prying the computer away from her hands, he dutifully reminds her that she's a Santiago. Getting pregnant is no match for her. It worked out in no time for them before, and sure, they’re a few years older now, but they’ll be just fine, he repeats to her while massaging her tense shoulders until she relaxes in his arms. Surely he’s right, she figures. Santiago genes are strong, she’s been pregnant before, her body knows what to do. She’ll be fine. They’ll be fine.

It still doesn’t make the disappointment she feels when she gets her period any less palpable. It’s ironic, because she managed to convince herself she wasn’t hoping for it so well she started believing it, but it feels like a failure and an insult all at once when she digs out the yellow tampon box from the bathroom cupboard. Her eyes are drawn to the packet of spare pregnancy tests she keeps there, and there's a sharp pang in her chest at the realization that they won't be necessary right now. She bites her lip and pushes them further back in the storage space. Maybe next month, she tells herself, splashing cold water on her face and taking three deep breaths before exiting the bathroom.

She’s feeling gloomy and disgusting - most likely an unlucky combination of the disappointment and PMS - and the only thing she wants to do is go lie down in bed for the remainder of the evening with a heating pad and Jake massaging her. Before kids, it’s what she could and would have done. Now she has an overly energetic toddler to consider, and said toddler turns two tomorrow, so Amy already knows putting her to bed tonight will be a lengthy and arduous process. Technically, Jake is in charge of it, but judging from the laughter and upbeat Taylor Swift songs coming from the kitchen, it's not going too well.

What she sees upon exiting the bathroom only confirms her suspicions. Paper Rings is playing from their Bluetooth speaker, and although Leah's out of her bath and dressed in her best Harry Potter pajamas, she seems as far from sleep as ever. Jake has her on his hip, spinning and dancing around and eliciting the best noises in the world for every questionable note he sets - the sound of their daughter's laughter.

Amy knows she should be upset, because according to their tried-and-true nighttime routine Leah should have been in bed twenty minutes ago, but it's such a pure sight that she can't bring herself to protest. Jake's so into it, exaggerating every facial expression and movement to the song for his daughter's enjoyment, and Leah's positively beaming as she looks up at him. It's such a testament to their whole relationship, Amy thinks. Jake would walk to the ends of the earth for his daughter's happiness, and Leah would do her best to run after on her little legs, all the while shouting at him to wait for her. She adores him and he would do anything for her, and it's a dream come true for Amy to get to see their relationship grow each day.

“Ames! Wanna join?” Jake’s out of breath after the singing and dancing, but still grinning as he extends her the offer.

“I'm good,” she laughs, feeling very much not in the mood to bust out her non-existing dancing abilities. “Care to explain why there's a dance party going on in here instead of nighttime stories?”

“Taylor Swift is one of our time’s greatest songwriters, and therefore her music could virtually be seen as stories?” He tries, and she shakes her head. “Fine. A certain someone didn't want to go to bed yet, so we're getting rid of all that excess energy.”

“I wonder why that could be, it's not like it's anyone's birthday tomorrow or anything.”

Leah's face lights up at the sound of her new favorite word. “My birthday!”

“Yeah, your birthday,” Jake confirms with a kiss to his daughter's head. “Do you remember how big you're going to be?”

“Two!” She exclaims, glowing with pride. “Two years!”

“That's right,” says Amy, walking up to Jake and Leah so she can join them in a hug. Though she still has her doubts about the efficiency rate of dance parties as part of a nighttime routine, it seems to have worked for tonight - Leah’s eyes are shiny with exhaustion, her cheeks are getting rosy, and she almost sinks into Amy’s arms when they hug. “You’re going to be two. You just have to go rest for a little bit first, and when you wake up it’ll be your birthday. How does that sound?”

Leah yawns. “Not ti-red.”

Jake laughs, and Amy can’t help but smile either as the toddler watches him with confusion.

“Okay then, Lee the tiny bumblebee,” he offers, booping her nose. “How about we say goodnight to mama anyway, and then we go be awake but in your bed for a while?” Leah nods, and Amy’s given another sweet hug that makes every single worry disappear momentarily before they leave.

Her anxiety returns as quickly as it vanished. Once her husband and daughter are out of sight, she’s reminded their incredible little family will categorically not be growing by one in nine months, and maybe she wasn’t expecting it to happen in an instant, but subconsciously, it seems like she was. She’s never been good at accepting her failures, and perhaps not getting pregnant in the first month of actively trying isn’t a failure by definition, but it feels like one to Amy.

There’s no time to wallow in it, though. The following day might be a Monday and both her and Jake are working, but they are celebrating their daughter’s second birthday with a pancake breakfast even if they have to spend the night preparing for it. Amy figures she could always get started on the pancake batter while she waits for her husband.

She’s mixing the dry ingredients into the wet ones when Jake sneaks up on her. His arms snake around her waist, his chin leaning on her shoulder, and she giggles instinctively when he starts pressing feather-light kisses to the side of her neck, tickling her.

“Is Lee sleeping?” She asks, and he nods.

“Out like a light after half a story. Then I had to make my way out without waking her up somehow, which was pretty tough considering she was holding onto my arm with a death grip. Took me like ten minutes, but I did it. Also, are you making pancake batter?”

“I am.” He dips the edge of his finger in it before she can protest, but then he screws up his face and shakes his head.

“Oh, Ames, there’s like, twice as much salt in this as it should be. Didn’t you follow the recipe?”

“I know how to make pancakes, I don’t need a recipe.”

“Yes, you do. Honey, I love you a lot, but you are not a natural at cooking. I’ll make another batch,” he says, taking the bowl away from her and beginning to rinse it out in the kitchen sink.

“Fine,” she mumbles, feeling a sense of defeat wash over her, and he must sense her unenthusiasm because he gives her a curious look, his eyes narrowing with concern.

“Is something wrong, babe?”

“No. Yes. No... I don’t know.” She sits up on the counter while Jake gets out the ingredients she just put away and pulls up a recipe on his phone. “I, uh, got my period.”

“Oh,” he says, in such a caring and affectionate tone it melts her heart again. “Do you need anything? Painkillers? Hugs? A massage?”

“No, I feel pretty okay - thank you, though. It’s just - that means I’m not pregnant.”

“Well, duh - ooohhh,” he realizes. “I see.”

Amy frowns. “Did you forget we were trying for a baby?”

“Not in any way, shape or form. But I thought it was obvious it could take a few months? You were repeating it to me over and over while you made that color-coded schedule.”

“I was,” she admits. “And I know. I was just... hoping. A little. I’m impatient, okay?”

Jake stops mixing the dry ingredients, pointing the spoon at her and consequently almost shooting a cloud of flour and vanilla powder her way. “Maybe you should do patience-training like Leah.”

“I’d like to state in front of the jury that I rarely lay down on the floor and cry when I don't get to have dessert for dinner.”

“Touché,” he says with a grin. “Anyway, I'm sorry.”

“...Are you apologizing for not getting me pregnant?”

“What - no!” Jake grimaces. “Wait, should I? I meant I’m sorry you’re sad. I get it. But a month is nothing, Ames. We’ll try again, it’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She’s waving her legs from the counter absentmindedly, feeling the most intense waves of frustration beginning to lift as he takes a break mixing the wet ingredients to wrap his arms around her waist again, reaching for a kiss.

“Of course I am. Now, do you want to help me make these pancakes for our soon-to-be two-year-old?”

The disappointment lingers like a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, but as she puts batter in the pan and Jake fries pancakes while they chat about how crazy it is that their daughter is somehow turning two years old and they'll have to remind Charles he can't buy everything Leah’s ever pointed to in a store for her birthday, it's easier to manage.

She'll be fine, she repeats to herself. They'll be fine. Maybe next month, she'll be pregnant.

“Two years ago this time we were watching Mamma Mia!,” Jake reminisces as he flips another pancake. They're slightly uneven in size, but at least they're not burnt, so Amy supposes they're already better than what she could have accomplished. “And you were having contractions while trying to convince me you weren't having contractions.”

“I didn’t think I was!”

“Sure you didn’t,” he teases, and she rolls her eyes. “Craziest day of my life, that's for sure.”

“So worth it, though,” Amy whispers, and Jake smiles, squeezing her shoulder with his free hand. “We did well.”

“And we will another time.” He must read her mind somehow, she thinks, bringing up what she was already thinking. “It’ll work out soon, Ames. You’re a Santiago.”

“Yeah.” She takes a deep breath, partly to calm the stubborn wave of disappointment and partly because she’s starting to feel the familiar dull pain in her stomach by now. Jake puts the last pancake on the plate of them before turning the heat off, and then, as if he’s sensing her anxiety and discomfort, wraps her in a warm hug. The remaining heat from the stove almost makes it feel a little clammy, but he nuzzles his nose against her forehead and it’s soothing, a cherished moment of utter intimacy and safety.

“It’ll be fine, babe. Do you think we should get at least a couple hours of sleep before our birthday kid wakes up so early it should be classified as inhumane?”

“We should,” she agrees, trying not to groan when she shifts slightly and her cramps intensify. “I’ll clean up in here, and then I’ll take you up on that massage offer.”

Jake presses a kiss to the top of her head. “One heating pad and one back massage coming right up.”

Amy falls asleep in his arms that night, and it doesn’t erase the gnawing feeling making a home in her stomach, but it mitigates it.

Surely Jake is right about this, she figures. She’ll get pregnant in another month or two.

It won’t be a problem.

#here it is guys #my project for this fall #hhhhhhhh #my writing #b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine-nine #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #brooklyn 99 fic #brooklyn nine-nine fic #b99 fanfiction #brooklyn nine-nine fanfiction #jake x amy fic #jake x amy fanfiction #peraltiago fic #peraltiago fanfiction #iwthwy

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miellekingsleigh · 4 years

Text

Sarah @taylovessarah

About Me:

I'm Sarah. I'm 17 and currently stuck in the teen-almost adult stage right now. I'm from India, I was born in the beautiful state of Kerala aka God's Own Country and now I'm currently in Mumbai for my studies. I'm a pre-med student who's gonna be writing her medical entrance exam next year, looking forward to a career in the medical field where I could dedicate myself into helping people, both physically and emotionally which I've always wished to. I'm a Cat lady who loves cats so much. And also my guilty pleasure is to watch endless episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I love to write, I'm an old-fashioned girl who still writes in her journals/diaries about my life. Also did I mention I love reading books, a good book is my best friend. I have a thing for 7 just like Taylor has for 13. I'm a Christian and I deeply believe that he can mould me into a tool which he can use to heal people and bring them closer to God.

My Era :

I became a fan in the Debut Era and became a Swiftie later in the End of Debut Era and Start of Fearless Era.

So in 2006 I was 4 years old when I got introduced to Taylor, yes, I was so young. My parents used to go to work so my grandparents were there to take care of me, it's a daily routine for them to listen to local radio to hear the news, it was so monotonous, I felt it so boring, so I changed the radio station, and the next moment I never changed it... Because I loved the sound of the guitar and the angelic voice which I was listening, later I came to know I was listening to Tim McGraw and when they announced her name, all I could grasp was Tay...So at a tender age, whatever I could grasp at that age, listening to the radio I drew pictures, like for Teardrops on my Guitar, I drew a guitar and drew tears like rain, the lyrics which had simple words I learnt the songs.. especially the chorus of A Place In This World, I'll still Remember singing it with my childish voice, I never understood a word but now this song still resonates with me.

And yes, I never saw Taylor because all I knew was her voice, I imagined her as a Angel and I always thought how she would be looking. But that didn't take long because one day my Grandma was switching channels on the TV and I kind of recognised her voice and I asked my grandma not to change the channel, that's the first time I saw her in a Lavender Dress looking like a Princess, yes, I saw you for the first time in Our Song, she was Everything that I imagined.. and that's the first time I read the name Taylor Swift, but the child-like me Screamed it's Tay not Taylor, that's when my grandma made me understand that her Name is Taylor and I call her Tay.. and I still do haha.

So yes, I listened to her songs on the Radio and watched the MVs on TV and one day on September 10, 2008 ( I remember that because of my scribbled papers) I decided to make Taylor my best friend, infact she are my first friend, because I was a lonely soul who never had friends and you were always there to comfort me, and I promised myself I'll stand by her forever and I'll love her so much because back then for a young 6 year old me, the relationship with a best friend was valued the most...and with that I became a Swiftie ...So that's when I became a Swiftie...

The first ever album I've ever owned of Taylor and also me and Taylor twinning

Rep Era was the Era when I decided to stop hiding behind and watching everytime silently, and made my place as a Swiftie on Social Media. At first, I thought I would be left out and no one would care, but later I've made so many amazing friends. And, through Taylor I have found my best and real friends, who love me as who I am, I'm so blessed to be a part of this Swiftie Family and I wish to meet all of them for real one day.

Lover Era, ah the whole era is so special because as I said earlier, 7 is my lucky number and this is Taylor's 7th Album. Ever since Rep Tour ended I made myself believe that TS7 is my Era and Taylor will finally know that I exist. I got to know that on 16th July 2019, when Taylornation DMed me on Tumblr ( I'm still surprised because I've never understood how to use Tumblr, and I still keep wondering how did Taylor find Me among so many Swifties, I guess only Taylor knows) with a CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE, and the feeling was just so magical. I was invited to Lover Secret Sessions in London and I felt that things were finally going to Change but due to many unfortunate circumstances, I couldn't go to London. I felt very sad and brokenhearted that day but I still believe that someday I'll meet Taylor and tell her everything in my heart and that moment would be just beautiful and perfect. Then on 14th October here, Taylor liked my post and she officially gave me my first ever Taylor Notice. Also I truly believe she officially recognised my name as "Miss INDIAna and The Desi Princess" and since then, life has never been the same.

My First Ever Taylor Notice

Song that Inspired Me ( aka my Stan Song) :

So one day Change played on my TV and I loved it so much, and since I was 10, I could understand the lyrics and quite the past few years, it was strengthened me and made me so optimistic in life even if there were hard times and actually saved my life, when I thought to end it all because I was so hopeless, the last thing I did was play my playlist and Change was the first song that came in, and I cried my heart out, believed in every single word Tay sang, and I decided not to end my life and to live with optimism and confidence, Fearlessly no matter what. For me that's the song which saved my life and made me rethink about my decision of ending it all, it was like a new beginning of life for me..It means more than the world to me.

And yes, the day Taylor sang Change at Rep Tour Foxborough 27.07.18, I felt like she sang it for me, because ever since I have joined Tumblr I have been literally requesting her to sing Change, sending her messages (which I thought she'll never see) and you did...I DIED. I literally dreamed about you singing Change at Rep Tour Foxborough because Foxborough holds a special place in my heart because Fearless Tour Foxborough was the first tour I have ever attended Virtually.

My Concert Experience :

Well since Taylor has never come to India, I've never seen her perform for real, but I really hope Lover is the Era for us Indian Swifties and she does come to India so that me and my Indian Swiftie friends could see her for the first time and experience the magic and cherish the memories (fingers crossed)

Even though I've never attended a concert for real, I've been attending her Tours ever since Fearless Tour Foxborough, Virtually, because of my cousin who Skyped it for me to experience it... and I lived every single moment of the two hours and when it ended I cried... because it was her last Fearless Tour and my first... and that started my journey of attending tours virtually via Skype, YouTube and reading updates on my mom's Twitter, now it's my own Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram which still continues my virtual attendance for almost all of them since then.

Message To Taylor :

Thank you so much for just being YOU, thank you so much for everything you've given me so precious and beautiful...Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, for the past 13 years and Forevermore. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Even in my worst times, you saw the best in me and helped me to believe in myself. Thank you for being the Angel who CHANGED my Life Completely.

Wishing your 30th year is full of love, happiness, growth, success, strength, comfort and a lot of beautiful moments, memories and precious bonds to Cherish. You inspire infinite people like me to change the world one small step at a time with Kindness and Love..I'm just so proud of you and your incredible achievements Tay and I'm so happy that you're better than you ever was. Have the best year ever. You make me believe in the dreams that are impossible and hopefully I could make them all come true. Hoping that one day you could follow me back here and share with you more about me and my life.

Thank you so much for being my best friend and believing in me. Thank you for letting me know that you know me after 13 years ( I never thought in my wildest dreams that you'll ever know that I exist, a girl only dreamed about it) and you wished to meet me, but hopefully one day we will and that would be just BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT. I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. And I know these things will CHANGE and I feel it will happen with all my heart. You're my whole world and I hope you know that.

I love you so much Tay and I'll stand by you Forevermore. And most of all, thank you so much for being my best friend. I'm so blessed to have you in my life and I thank God for bringing this beautiful and loving Angel into my life.

My Socials : Twitter : taylovessarah13

Instagram : taylovessarah

#submission #taylorswift #miellekingsleigh #swifties #taylurking

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interestsofabookwormbitch · 5 years

Text

Ramble

Me and my music journey

I guess I'm basically writing a little ramble about my music journey thus far. I don't know, ever since I've gotten into MCR I've been feeling a lot of things, and I really need to let it out, so decided Tumblr would be the perfect place. Of course, I will likely focus a lot on My Chemical Romance at the end, but before I even get there I'm going to have to write at least a little about my other two favs, Green Day and Adam Lambert. If you guys don't want to read it I totally understand, it's really just for me to let out my thoughts anyway.

So, I don't know if anyone here knows anything about me, but I'm a very obsessive person. When I get into something I hyper fixate on it so much it's probably unhealthy. Usually these obsessions last about a month I'd say, give or take a week, and then I feel my interest wane. I then have maybe another month of being strongly invested before completely moving on. It's by the end of the first month however that I can usually tell whether I actually enjoy this obsession or not (if not I leave then). The answer is almost always, yes, I do still enjoy it, although a lot of things do fall into obscurity, and I don't remember them much after the second month. There are also those things that I still feel really strongly for, like Harry Potter. I know these are the things that will last with me forever, and continue to influence my life, even if I don't love them as much as I initially did.

This hyper fixation also extends to music, although I'll admit to only recently figuring that out. Nearly a year ago exactly I decided I wanted to go through some bands and artists, so I made an alphabetized list to go through to add. Unfortunately I realized that my hyper fixation extended to music with the first artist on the list; Adam Lambert.

For about a month straight I only listened to his music. I watched countless videos of him and I'll even admit that he was the first actual person that I shipped with someone else(Adommy). I'm actually grateful for that, because as weird as some people might think it is-heck as weird as I thought it was-it helped me to realize that innocently shipping and partaking in fanfiction wasn't hurting anyone, and this made my experience in certain bands much more enjoyable.

Music wise I'll admit that Adam's style is sometimes not exactly tailored to my taste, but what he may lack in the musical sound he more than made up for in vocals. The main reason I loved him was the way that his voice makes me picture melted chocolate being slowly poured into a mould. It's so full and rich, and even now, after my obsessive stage has passed I can still say his voice is one of the most comforting sounds I know.

Obviously I still adore Adam Lambert to this day, and I even have all of his available music on my playlist; but my fixation faded, as it does with most things, and I by summer I realized I couldn't survive musically off of only Adam Lambert. So, I went back to my old playlist, just this time filled with more Adam than before.

The summer was quite an uneventful one for me, so I quickly grew bored, and I decided to go through another artists discography. This time I chose to go through Green Day. They were my favourite band as a kid (because of one song) so I thought they'd be a good choice.

Boy was that the right call. I loved them! Absolutely adored their music and personalities. And I still do. Their concerts look like a blast, and almost all of their songs are amazing. I'm not musically knowledgeable enough to pass critical judgement on their abilities, but I am able to pass judgement on their music, and it's incredible. It made me feel countless different emotions, and that's exactly what music is supposed to do. Out of all their albums I am expecially partial to American Idiot and Revolution Radio. The storyline in AI, and the political commentary in both were especially good in my opinion, leading me to agree the somewhat popular belief that Green Day is at their best when American politics are at their worst.

I will admit that as much as I loved everyone in the band, I didn't really click with them. I couldn't relate to the members, which upset me a little. It did not, however, diminish my love for them in the least, and I would die happy if I got to go to one of their concerts.

Again, just like with everything, I couldn't live just off of Green Day, so I reentered my full playlist again eventually, and this time it had a significantly larger amount of Green Day songs. On top of that I also created a playlist for my favourite artists, which at the time consisted only of two people. Still was a pretty large list though.

Finally, my music journey thus far in life has lead me to My Chemical Romance. I actually decided to give them a shot because of a Green Day fan I was talking to online. I don't ever have people earnestly suggest stuff to me, so when this person suggested My Chemical Romance so enthusiastically I just knew they had to be my next band. So they went on a new list, one they were the top of. Due to school and stress I hadn't been able to really give them a shot until a month and a half ago.

During spring break I was working on this novel I'm writing, and I wanted to listen to music. Well, I didn't have my phone, so my playlist wasn't an option. I wasn't feeling Adam Lambert at that time, and Green Day would not set the right mood for the story, so I settled on playing My Chemical Romance on the computer as I wrote.

By the time I finished writing that day I was in love. I had gone through their four studio albums twice, and had decided that I should name each chapter after their songs (probably not a good idea, but I fell in love). The next few nights and days I spent endless time listening to their music and watching videos. I downloaded Venganza! And the Black Parade Is Dead both, and I have Life On The Murder Scene saves to my phone. I became obsessed, like usual.

The thing is, it didn't quite feel like the normal obsession for me. Back then I didn't want to think too much on it, as I assumed it was just my hyper fixation kicking in. It's now been nearly two months, and I'm just now thinking about letting other music back in. I still think about them everyday, and I don't think I've gone more than half a day without scrolling through the Tumblr tag.

See, with My Chemical Romance I think I found a band that actually sings to my heart. It almost feels like they were writing these songs for me with how much I connect with them. Obviously not all of them in the same way, but if the lyrics don't fit me, the story they do fit is extremely amazing to me, and the music always knocks it out of the park. Something about Gerard's vocals always always makes me feel something, and he absolutely excels at conveying emotion with his voice.

And it doesn't stop at their music. Each band member is so precious to me. Just thinking about them makes my heart want to burst. Sometimes it's with joy, other times it's with sadness and other times it's just too many emotions. I've cried more over this band than almost anything else in my life. I've only been invested in them for such a short time, but I can honestly say I don't want to live a life without them in it. And I don't mean without the band, that ended in 2013, sadly, but also for their own mental wellbeing, ao its fine. What I mean is that I'm just so happy I live in a world where they existed.

They make me feel complete. It's as if they were a missing piece to me my whole life, and now that it's here, I'm more free to be me. And I am more me now. I hide less, and care less about opinions. They made me realize more than anyone else that I'm who I am and that's ok. That I can be a total geek and nerd and loner and fucking loser, and it's cool. Or more accurately, it's not cool, but who the fuck cares? It's me.

Honestly, for such a tiny m amount of time in my life I think My Chemical Romance has left the biggest impact. And it's not just my hyper fixation talking either. I really mean what I said, and I am eternally grateful for them.

Really I'm grateful for everyone I've mentioned in this post. As much as I love My Chemical Romance, they can't take all the praise. Both Green Day and Adam Lambert have also helped me realise so much, and I will love them forever along with countless other musicians who have helped to shape me. And honestly, this whole post does no justice for anything in it. Words cannot describe how important all this music has been to me in my life.

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twopoppies · 6 years

Note

Hi Gina! :) Since you've been away, have you been reading any new fics?

OOOH! Yes, I have! Thank you for asking! Here’s the most recent stuff I read that I really liked:

Night Out and its follow up Saving Symphony Hall both by @helloamhere (the first one is a very sexy one shot, the second is 19 chapters of awesome).

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Series

Lightening Strikes Twice by @dinosaursmate

“Louis Tomlinson,” Harry said slowly, shaking his head and betraying a slight grin. “What the fuck are the odds?”“Small world,” Louis said lightly, shrugging and holding his hand out to Harry, smirk playing on his lips. “Wasn’t sure you’d remember me.”“Haha! Please.”Harry slid his palm into Louis’, grasping and shaking it. It must’ve been… what? Thirty years?---Two tales, one story. One: a tale of a rock star taking a shine to a fan who is different from all the others, and two: a tale of an older, washed up rock star, who - on the brink of resigning himself to a life of loneliness - finds fate intervening.

(this one made me ugly cry...I was a snotty mess. But it’s so well done and this version of Harry and Louis is one you definitely haven’t read before).

Take Our Bodies Higher by @littlelouishiccups

Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that.

In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

(kind of all the things I like rolled into one...wrong number meet cute, dirty talk, D/s...yep. I liked it. LOL!)

just a dream byBriaMaria / @briannamarguerite

Harry held out his hand, his eyes on Louis’ face. Louis took it.

Power flowed between their palms. Harry was magic in human form; Louis was strength. The forest swayed toward them, hungry and eager for the energy that radiated like waves from their connection. Flowers bloomed along the edge of the pond, not just roses, but daisies and tulips and orchids.

The water was cool against Louis' overheated skin. It welcomed him, embraced him, as he followed Harry beyond the shallow banks. When they were waist deep Harry stopped, turning toward Louis.

The current that shouldn't be there nudged them together, until their bodies were flush, aching hardness against aching hardness. Except. Harry was soft. So soft. His eyes, his hair, his skin, his hips.

Louis slid his thigh between Harry’s lithe, gorgeous legs, and pressed up. Harry’s lashes swept closed in pleasure and Louis used the moment to pull him closer.

“This is a dream,” he whispered against Harry’s sweet lips.

“Then let me sleep forever and a day,” Harry said. “For if this is a dream, I never want to wake.”

(Bri’s writing just gets better and better. This is absolutely beautiful and so touching).

precious little thing by mercuitonotromeo

Reason #10 - Curiosity

Niall grins deviously and hits “make call”, putting his phone on speaker. They lean in close to peer down at the screen, heads knocking lightly together. Dull rings reverberate quietly around the room and mix with the monotonous buzz of the lights. It rings for a while - maybe six or seven times - then the other line picks up.

There’s a slow, steady inhale, and a low voice purrs, “Hi, sexy.”

Jesus - this guy has barely said two words, and both of them have made Harry's cock twitch in his jeans. That’s not even getting to what those words are, and why he’s saying them, and how Harry’s stomach is dropping into his shoes at the mere thought of him saying... other words. Words like “cock”, and “please”, and “come”.

Also known as: a university AU featuring phone sex operator Louis, copious amounts of sweet, soft kink discovery, and Louis being Harry's Daddy.

(um...there’s a theme here. LOL!)

candy in your mouth (i know you love me) by embodied / @crossnecklace

“You’re wrong,” Harry says, jaw clenched tight. “Because if all I wanted was a fuck, I’ve got at least three willing parties a phone call and a five minute drive away. What I want is you. I want us, I want it to be normal again -”

“What the fuck is normal?” Louis yells, much too loudly, and has to pause to consciously lower his voice before he speaks again. “Because a year ago, normal was eating too much takeaway and watching B-movies on Netflix in your room, and then normal was me choking on your cock at half past two in the morning, and I don’t know about you, but as of the past few weeks, normal is not seeing or talking to you at all, because I’ve all but admitted that I’m fucking crazy for you and you don’t know what to say to that.” Louis’ chest heaves, his breath coming out short. He hears his own throat stick when he swallows, and his voice is decidedly weaker when he asks, “So which one is it, Harry?”

AU. Things have shifted since last Christmas.

(I really like how the friends to lovers trope worked in this one. It’s a Christmas fic, but who cares? It’s short and really good).

So Much Left to Say by myownspark / @myownsparknow

Reason #32: Cheer Someone Up.

Harry remembers Louis stalking along the Cougar’s sideline as the final seconds of the game ticked away. He was apart from everyone, with his arms crossed and his head down, sort of fragile looking even in his pads and helmet. Harry’s fingers actually itched to hold his hand, just as they do now.He holds the phone up to take a selfie and smiles into the camera, trying to ask Louis a question with his eyes. (Are you really okay? Tell me the truth. I bet you’re sitting on your bed, playing Madden, sulking. If you want to see me, I’ll come. I know you better than anyone. You’re sad. I’d like to come.)He pushes send.

(Harry and Louis play for rival high school football teams, and when they play against each other in the Homecoming game, someone has to lose.)

(what can I say? Cynthia is one of my favorite writers. She doesn’t write often, but when she does, I drop everything because it’s always gorgeously written and full of so much quiet nuance.)

For Reasons Wretched and Divine by @indiaalphawhiskey

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time.

Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?

An AU in two parts. Two boys, two stories, and hopefully, two chances at love.

(Oh, man. India’s writing is sublime. And this one is no exception. Plus, it’s suuuuuper angsty –– but happy ending, of course!)

I’m also in the middle of reading Them Butterflies by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry and I’m loving it so far!

I hope there are some there you haven’t read!

#mine #larry fic rec #Anonymous

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gospelmusic · 4 years

Link

Sunnypraise Adoga - Spirit of Victory Full Album Download

Sensational gospel singer, Sunnypraise Adoga releases his debut album "Spirit of Victory".

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Recall that earlier in March, as a run-up to the studio album which he was working on, the artiste gave out some songs which are also available on all major music platforms and DSPs.

The songs include:

Ohonyeta

Wonderful Wonder

Everything I Want

Imela (Ainya)

The artiste who is a producer, released a single in the later quarter of 2019 titled "Lover of My Soul"

"Spirit of Victory" is a debut from Sunnypraise Adoga which promises to be jam-packed with may beautiful tracks.

Listen to the story Sunnypraise Adoga has to share about the album:

"Spirit of Victory" tells a story of the victory and freedom we have in Christ. Christ has won us the victory by His death upon the cross which brought salvation to mankind. Before His death and resurrection, and before His ascension, He promised to send the disciples the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, the Paraclete, the Spirit of Truth, who would teach them all things. This Holy Spirit came at Pentecost while they were gathered in the upper room. Before the descent of the Holy Ghost, the disciples were afraid, and could not show their faces, but had the doors locked. But the descent of the Holy Ghost upon them gave them unusual boldness, it gave them victory over fear, and they began to do what they could not do before. The Holy Ghost also filled them with unusual power. The benefits of the Holy Spirit of God, cannot be overemphasized. We are in the era of the Spirit, the dispensation where the Spirit of God leads the sons of God. All we could ever achieve can only be by His mighty grace, and the eminent working of His Holy Ghost. Are you down, you need the Holy Ghost, depressed, in bondage, in sin, lack faith, lack wisdom, lack freedom, you can't do without the Holy Spirit. The freedom we enjoy in Christ, is by His Spirit, which gives us the same freedom; for where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

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Track One is a reinstatement of faith, one which echoes the praise of God, amidst all circumstances. Such faith, is what moves God. This entails that we worship, and praise Him for whom He is, and not what we stand to gain in so doing.

This transitions into the next track, a song which acknowledges the might of God. "MAJESTY", is a powerful song of praise; of course, God alone sits in the corridors of power, and in the realm of majesty. "Majesty" is also a vehement song of strong faith, one that says, "oh God, I won't let you go, until you manifest yourself", like Jacob held God to ransom yesterday, until he obtained his blessing that changed him and his generations forever. Often, we give up very early before the help we seek arrives.

Track three, "MIGHTY GOD", still praises the majesty of God, who sits upon his throne of majesty up above. It reiterates the unchanging nature of God, for the same power and might He possessed yesterday, is still at work today.

Of course, Christ is our solid rock upon which we stand. Because He is our foundation, we cannot be moved. Ebenezer praises the immovable indefatigable and unchangeable nature and power of God. The same God who was yesterday, He is today, and will forever be. Even demons know this truth, and so tremble at the mention of His name. When he shows, up sicknesses have not alternative, but leave, darkness have no place, but vanish. Such is the glorious power of our God.

EBENEZER unfolds into the story of our identity in Christ, "WHEN I SEE THE BLOOD". Having won us the victory by His blood shed upon the cross, we have this unique identity. The blood of Christ that speaks better things than the blood of Abel is our identity. By the shedding of this blood upon the cross, Christ won us the victory. By the same blood of the lamb, the angels in heaven overcame the dragon and his angels in revelations 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony;...". By blood, the angel of death bypassed the habitations of the Hebrews in Egypt, so is the blood of Christ our unique identity as Christians. The plague cannot come nigh our dwelling all by the shedding of his precious blood, and our identity in Him, hallelujah!

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Track six (6), is a prayer, much more like "THINK ON ME" Lord. Just like the popular song "pass me not oh gentle" saviour, this song is a humble cry and prayer unto God. The inspiration for the song actually came from the scripture. While studying the scripture on a faithful day, reading through Genesis 40:12, after Joseph interpreted the chief butlers dream, he made this solemn request "Think on me". We see in the scripture, God telling us to remind Him of His words. This is not because God forgets his promises but, on our parts, do we believe in those things which he has promised? For no word from God will ever fail (Lk 1:37 NIV). Unlike the chief butler who forgot Joseph (Gen. 40: 23). Christ is faithful, and all who make such requests to God, will surely have their answers. He says: "...him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out" (John 6:37). The bible further says whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved (Rom 10:13, Joel 2:32). If the robber who was already sentenced to death could still get his salvation before his death, just because he had the privilege of knowing and beholding the truth in Christ, grasping that truth, he vehemently called upon the Master to remember him in His kingdom. Our merciful saviour forgave him all his attrocities and promised him paradise. How much more if we call upon God from our hearts today. Just call upon the saviour. He is faithful to save!

The love of God for us is an eternal one (Rom 8:35; 38-39). It was this love that made God our Father, gave his only begotten son to die for our redemption (John 3:16). The track, "ETERNAL LOVE", is all about this unending love of God that takes away burdens, and all evil histories written against us, as Christ cleanses and redeems us by His own precious blood.

"THE REASON" is a track which makes advocates in lucid terms our reason for singing, for joy, for jubilation and rejoicing. Even when the world disappoints us, family and friends forsake us, when we can no longer trust anyone as a result of past experiences and disappointments; God is our sure focus. He never fails. Whom else could the reason be, and what else could it possibly be. God is our sure purpose. HE IS THE REASON.

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"OJUM" is an Idoma word, a Nigerian language which means SUFFICIENT FOR ME. The song which is sang in Idoma language, Igbo language and English language, is that of contentment, dedication, focus, faith, and faithfulness. This means that the grace, name, and power of God is sufficient for us at any time. We do not need to search anywhere. GOD IS WITH US, and what we need, HE WILL SURELY SUPPLY.

"Ojum(Sufficient for me) beautifully transitions into this calm and solemn song titled "WONDERFUL WONDER". While pondering one day, I thought about the majesty of God, His wonderfulness, His might and power, how He made all things out of nothing but by His word, and how He alone was never created. Everything was wonderful, and a mystery. Then the inspiration for this track dawned upon me like a gentle breeze, and this solemn piece was brought forth by the wonderful grace and inspiration of His Majesty, the God who sits upon the circles of the earth.

Track 11 is another song in Idoma language, "Ohonyeta" which means deliverer or saviour. It is God that is able to save and deliver His children from all predicaments, circumstances, trials, tribulations, diseases, pandemics, and any trouble whatsoever.

"EVERYTHING I WANT" is a song of total surrender to God. What else could one possibly be searching for in a confused world full of so many activities and distractions, but to have one's focus on God.

"SEND DOWN YOUR SPIRIT" is a call on God to send down his Holy Ghost. Each day, and every moment that passes by, we need a fresh anointing. This anointing, and rekindling of the fire of the Holy Ghost burning in us, is what makes us powerful Christians.

"SPIRIT OF VICTORY" is about the Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit which gives us victory in all things.

Track 15 is still a call upon the Holy Spirit for His manifestations in our lives as we wait upon his revival.

"IMELA (AINYA) is a Christian makossa praise track that eulogizes the name of God, for His goodness, and for all He has done for us. The song was sung in Idoma, Igbo, and pidgin English.

STREAM or BUY ALBUM

Download Sunnypraise Adoga - Spirit of Victory Tracklist

Track 1: Your Name be Praised

Track 2: Majesty

Track 3: Mighty God

Track 4: Ebenezer

Track 5: When I See The Blood

Track 6: Think On Me

Track 7: Eternal Love

Track 8: The Reason

Track 9: Ojum (Sufficient for Me)

Track 10: Wonderful Wonder