#this is also mostly inspired by a post I saw that was acting like everyone was being weirdchamp for being such lore hounds
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OMG HIHI so I saw some of your posts and I was like “OMG THIS IS SO GOOD??” So obviously I HAD TO MADE A REQUEST (ofc if it’s open‼️)
OKAY SOO I was wondering YK if you would be comfortable enough to make a Vil schoenheit x (gn or fem) Ace detective! Reader
(LIKEE.. Idk for example like let’s take Goro Akechi from persona 5 as a example, OR EVEN RANPO FROM BSD)
ANYWAY you have an AMAZING DAY, WONDERFUL WEEK AND AN AWESOME MONTH‼️
A/N: That was such a curious request! I had a lot of fun working on it, and I thank you dearly for all kind words. Also, I decided mostly to take Ranpo as an inspiration for the character—his belief that his superpower is the deduction fits the setting nicely.
VIL SCHOENHEIT AND GN!READER, WHO IS PROFESSIONAL DETECTIVE
— From the very childhood, you were a quite unique kid. You knew everything about everyone as you noticed the smallest details that others people would never see. And these observations helped you to make a logical conclusion about the person. You were too smart for your own good;
— Your family liked to teasingly call you Sherlock Holmes wannabe, but you knew it better: it was some kind of superpower. It had to be it;
— Others laughed, hearing about that. Until... You woke up in the world of mages, beastmen, and others creatures. And everything started to make more sense;
— When you declared to the headmaster that your unique magic is about being a perfect detective, he was suspicious at first. And so, you decided to prove him wrong;
— You did. Thanks to your powers, you were able to determine the strangeness in other students' attitude;
— You saw through Riddle in your first meeting with him. It took a three minutes to tell that he had problems with over-controlling mother. And so, mixed with your straightforwardness, you helped him not to overblot;
— The same thing happened with Leona. You cracked his plan in the right time, and prevented everything before it even started;
— Your personal favourite case was Scarabia's one. You caught Jamil so quickly—mostly, because he acted too hot-headedly, living evidences everywhere, but it was his motive that flared up your interest;
— As you stopped students from overblotting easily, diving deeper in their stories, excitement filled you even more;
— And so, Crowley unwillingly admitted that you, indeed, should have some powers to do what you do;
— When you were assigned to help with the VDC, you found out the next possible victim of the overblot in a few seconds—Vil Schoenheit himself! And not only that, but you even managed to figure out the little secret of his vice;
— However, you took some time to catch him red-handed on something, to trigger the conversation. That happened when he wanted to poison his rival;
— Vil was devastated by your involvement. But, to his surprise, you chose to speak with him about it privately;
— He didn't overblot. Instead, he broke down in front of you, in the empty dressing room;
— After that, Vil started to respect you even more than. before. If earlier, he thought highly to you because of your merits, now, he also was aware of his respectful you treating people, choosing to talk with them and help.
— He became your friend, eventually;
— Running around, solving mysteries, and doing gods know what, you forgot about a lot of things—drinking water, eating your meals, taking care of your appearance. And so, Vil always looked after you, offering his help in shy attempts to spend some time with you;
— However, there was one thing that he couldn't quite understand about you...
•
”Urgh, give me a week, and I will finish with Ignihyde as well,” you muttered, frowning, while Vil was combing through your wet hair. ”With all of my work, I can't understand how this stupid mirror can't already sort me in some dorm. At this point, I will be fine even with Savannaclaw.”
The thing was... Mirror continued insisting that you held no magical powers to your name.
And the more Vil spent time around you, he started to agree with that—you were human. Human without any powers.
What you think was your unique magic was just your brain. You were smart, you were ridiculously unbeatable in that, surely, you knew it yourself. Then, why you had this urge to think that it was magic and not you, who made everything better?
”Y/n?”
”Hm?”
”Why do you want to have magical power so badly?”
Vil could easily assume that it was because you stuck there, with them, in the place, where everyone had magic. Anyone on your place could have felt inferior about that. But the thing was, you thought, this magic was with you since you were little.
”I don't,” you protested instantly. ”I just have it—and that's the fact.”
”Even in our world, there a lot of people without magic,” he added. ”My father, for example. And—”
”...You don't believe that I am a mage?” You cut through his words sharply.
He couldn't see your face from where he was standing, but he could tell you sounded upset. Vil had no intentions to hurt you, but... He had no reason to lie to you, either. He liked to be honest with people he loved, and he loved you, truly.
”I think, you are the smartest person I had ever know,” he hummed, carefully choosing his next words. ”But that has nothing to do with magic.”
You were silent for a while, and he stopped stroking your hair.
”...But I had to be special, Vil,” you whispered suddenly. ”If I am not, then... No one would pay attention to me anymore.”
Vil knew very little about your previous life.
Perhaps, you had neglectful parents, and it was your way to make them to look at you. Or, maybe, you had too many siblings to feel loved enough.
There were so many scenarios that could explain your arrogant belief, but Vil wasn't you—he couldn't tell people about their lives merely by glancing at them.
”Oh, dear,” he made a circle around you, stopping right in front of you. He took your face in his hands carefully. ”But you are special. Just not in the way we are.”
”But—”
”In fact, I think, you are even more special than we,” Vil squished your cheeks together, so you could stay silent for a while. ”Because our magic could be taken away, and what you have is something that cannot be stripped away.”
You looked down, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. Vil leaned closer, kissing you on the tip of your nose gently. It reddened instantly—exactly for this, he started calling you radish, instead of using a potato nickname—and he smiled.
”You are the most special person I had ever met,” he whispered, as if it was a secret to be shared carefully. ”And you are even more special to my heart. Please, remember that.”
You nodded weakly.
Vil didn't expect you to answer right away, either on his confession, or on the statement about the lack of magic in you. You spent too much time, persuading yourself that you were a mage. Kind words couldn't erase it so easily.
Yet, he knew that you heard him.
And for now, it was enough.
After all, both of you had enough time to figure everything out.
Together.
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Okay, let’s do this. This is going to be a long post with screenshots, so be patient. Little “exposed”
Honestly I debated a lot if i should do it or not, and i was willing to leave it behind and move on. But this person’s “pronunciation” was what made me decide to post this. You all might had noticed that I’ve deleted all my posts and i explained that was because someone was using the same identity as me. I didn’t mentioned them before, but the acc im talking about is @minzica / @minztarot . When they followed me, i followed back and welcomed them, just as i do with everyone who follows me and is also a ateez tarot content creator. Then, someone pointed out that their profile was really similar to mine and then i wasn’t able to unsee it. It annoyed me. I thought i was being sensitive, and asked for guidance: if i was overreacting or not.
As you can see, i didn’t even mentioned their @. People guessed it right way (specially the instagram one), and it confirmed my suspicions. Then i posted it here, just as a vent. I also didn’t mentioned any name because i really don’t want a fight. But to my surprise, people came to my asks already knowing who it was. People asked me to expose them but i didn’t wanted to do so, until now. I slept and when i woke up, they already had unfollowed me. I was ready to move on, because they had changed all their blog and delete their posts so i thought they might felt bad and were shy to send an apology or something. But then, i received more messages about it. Basically, 4 accounts felt like they were being copied too. One of them, the ‘robbed’ reading had the same name and the same format. Minz didn’t even changed the name form the hard hours one. People started to think about scam, but idk if’s the case. But by stealing readings styles and all, people felt suspicious.
Now: why do i decided to talk about it and expose their @. Minz made a pronouncement, which you can read here. Honestly, it looks like they are making fun of me and the others for feeling frustrated of being copied. “Is just an aesthetic and i don’t see the issue”, well, we do. Because is not just an aesthetic, it’s our identity. Every blog has their own and everyone respects that. Is not just a color, or a template, as you tried to make it look, minz. Is it all, combined. That’s what makes my blog look like me, and what makes the other’s readers’s blogs look like them. People recognize us by it. This is a branding. Imagine if someone steals yours. You won’t be happy if someone out there stared to act like you. If you liked my blog and wanted to be inspired by it, good, i feel honored. But inspiration is not copy and paste, and wasn’t just me. The main reason why i am posting this, is because your words about the situation where indeed insensible with the ones who felt frustrated.
You said in your post, that you don’t like being accused of lying, but then you lie again? You said you were new to the community and didn’t knew how people do the things but then…you knew. I remember that i saw this comment and also the person does too.
Okay you wanted to fit. I get it and i understand you, i felt the same when i started and i think mostly of us felt the same. But just copying one thing from each blog, won’t make you fit honey. Being yourself will. I got that you were talking about deleting your posts and i don’t doubt that you were only unsatisfied with your readings. But the fact that you changed right after my rant received attention and people expressed how they also noticed and how unhappy they were, is kinda suspicious. Also, you said you felt an hostility. Let me stop you right here. You deleted it too, but i remember very well that i welcomed you when i followed you back. Our community is very open with new accounts and we always try to get along with each other, support each other. If you felt that ‘hostility’ is probably because people saw the similarities and felt uncomfortable. Im coming here to explain to you, since you made clear in your post that you don’t get why so many people felt unhappy about the situation. But don’t invalidade how we feel about it just because ‘wasn’t your intention’. We have all the right to feel this way. It was our time, our creative work to create our stuff to it just be copied like this. I honestly think that if you felt really sorry, you would at least tried to talk with someone, explain the situation, but no. You deleted posts, changed and all, might not be the case as i said, could be just a coincidence, but, it felt really suspicious, specially because the situation. People felt that
Im not here to start a war, i’m really not. I’m here to explain directly to you and to anyone else who wants to understand our frustration. You will always be welcomed into our community, but please: be yourself, don’t be insensitive about how people feel, and when you want to apologize, do it to the people who felt it. I was really against about coming here expose all the situation, but after all, wasn’t just me who felt like this and your words where hurtful. I just hope you understand, we can move on, leave it behind and keep being the friendly community we always had been.
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A long, very GrimmUlqui-flavored post
Got inspired by this post, but I want to illustrate it with manga panels and also share some of my thoughts and impressions.
I've read many grimmulqui fanfics and I noticed that authors often portray their relationship similarly. If we talk about Ulquiorra's portrayal, he's always really rude towards Grimmjow and doesn't hesitate to insult him, calling him any degrading names you could think about, of course, including his favorite word "trash". And that's not a hate nor a critique of the authors, but I always thought that it was kinda a bit too much and not really accurate.
At first, I thought that way because Ulquiorra never called Grimmjow "trash" in canon (moreover, he didn't call "trash" any arrancar, only humans, like Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Tatsuki). But it seems Ulquiorra never insulted Grimmjow AT ALL, which HE DID with other arrancars and with pretty much everyone, except Aizen.
Yammy was his companion when we saw Ulquiorra for the first time, and it's obvious that they weren't friends because Ulquiorra didn't believe in such things as friendship or bonds between two individuals. But at least they weren't antagonistic towards each other. Yammy was willing to follow Ulquiorra's orders, never questioning Cuatro's decisions and respecting him.
However, it seems that this feeling wasn't mutual. Not that Ulquiorra hated him, but he expressed constant annoyance with almost all of Yammy's words or actions and didn't hesitate to show it.
"Stop complaining", "idiot", "fool", "your tantrums", rolling eyes. It's really a lot of insults for such a short interaction between them.
Of course, you could say that's natural, given the difference in their personalities. But then we get Grimmjow's first appearance, and Ulquiorra's reactions were really, really different.
Grimmjow isn't Yammy. He isn't respectful or obedient; he hardly showed any respect towards Aizen and certainly didn't hesitate to disrespect his fellow Espadas. Ulquiorra had all the reasons to be much more annoyed with him than he was with Yammy, but what do we actually see? He didn't react at all.
He was calm and collected, patiently answering Grimmjow's questions, and wasn't showing even an ounce of annoyance.
No rolled eyes, nothing. Despite the fact that Grimmjow interrupted his report and literally called Ulquiorra weak, TWICE. It could be explained that he didn't want to provoke Grimmjow and be involved in a stupid fight in front of Aizen, but he was silent even in his thoughts.
Next time we see them interacting, we get a famous moment that inspired a lot of shippers, and no wonder why.
Ulquiorra needed to stop Grimmjow from releasing his zanpakuto, and once again, he was perfectly calm, didn't do anything to harm Grimmjow (contrary to the way how he stopped Yammy), didn't call him "idiot" or "trash". Just one careful touch, and that's all.
Grimmjow and Yammy were the only arrancars with whom Ulquiorra interacted multiple times, having actual conversations. But there was also Nnoitra, who talked with him once about Orihime, and Ulquiorra treated him differently compared to both Grimmjow and Yammy. He mostly seemed calm, but I would say that Nnoitra's words irritated him a little, and actually, even Nnoitra noticed it.
The rest of their conversation went fine, and it seemed that they separated on good terms. However, guess what? In the end, Nnoitra wasn't lucky enough to avoid being insulted by our emo when he disobeyed Aizen's orders.
Nnoitra's actions had nothing to do with Ulquiorra; he wasn't ordered to look after Chad and wasn't responsible for other Espadas' decisions. But the mere act of disobedience was enough to make Ulquiorra resort to insults. You might argue: "Of course, he reacted like that because Ulquiorra was sure that everyone should be rational and respect Aizen". But guess who else wasn't rational, who disrespected all the orders, and, unlike Nnoitra, directly put Ulquiorra at risk of failing to fulfill Aizen-sama's wishes?
Who else could it be? Of course, it was Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. We all know that he saved Orihime from Loly and Menoly because he needed her to heal Ichigo. From Ulquiorra's perspective, he did two stupid things at once: took away the girl who was Ulquiorra's responsibility and healed the enemy whom Ulquiorra had just beaten. Certainly, those are the actions of someone with whom you should feel not just annoyed, but actually angered. But what was Ulquiorra's first reaction when he saw that Orihime was no longer in her room?
I think everyone agrees that it was much more serious than Nnoitra beating Chad, but apparently not serious enough for Ulquiorra to finally call Grimmjow the words he actually deserved to be called.
He quickly found Grimmjow, asked him the reason why he did all of that, including healing the enemy, but didn't get any satisfying answer.
In the result, Grimmjow managed to outsmart him, fully aware that otherwise Ulquiorra would take Orihime back, and he would lose his chance to beat Ichigo. However, once again, it was strange that Ulquiorra wasn't willing to confront Grimmjow or say all that he thought about his stupidity and irresponsibility�� to just beat his ass and teach him a lesson. Instead, he wanted to convince him to return Orihime and peacefully part ways, without any consequences.
Isn't it a significant difference compared to his usual behavior? Fans often say that Ulquiorra didn't feel any emotions, but the manga showed multiple times that he knew how it is to experience anger and annoyance, not just with arrancars but also with humans. For some reason, only Grimmjow seemed to be his "soft spot". Despite the possible explanations that he avoided an unnecessary fight to prevent Grimmjow from becoming a huge pain in the ass, I feel that there should be something else—something that happened between those two in the past that Kubo didn't think was necessary to show us, or perhaps it lacked screen-time.
And I also don't believe that Grimmjow felt nothing but hate towards Ulquiorra; his behavior and his words hinted at something else too. From the fact that he observed Ulquiorra long enough to notice his habits to him screaming, "Ulquiorra, you're afraid to fight because we'll kill each other". It's possible to say more about it, but I will just add the link to this post; the author said it all perfectly
I know that the manga ended eight years ago, with Ulquiorra being dead even longer, but it's confirmed that Kubo didn't reveal many important things, like Rukia's true origins or Urahara and Yoruichi's backstory. These are characters more important than Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, yet, we still don't know everything about them. And no one could convince me that the GrimmUlqui dynamic wasn't supposed to be much more developed and nuanced compared to the interactions we actually got; not just "Grimm hates Ulqui and vice versa, and they want to tear each other's throats". It leaks and shows even through the smallest hints and crumbs! And it makes me want to think about all the possible scenarios, imagining a whole-ass novel with their adventures, the scenario when Grimmjow found Ulquiorra in the desert and brought him to the palace; picturing them going on missions together, and so on.
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random lion guard outlanders hc's! :3
under the cut because Long Post time :D
after the defeat of scar and jasiri becoming queen, she reformed and reconstructed the volcano. her clan (but mostly her) remade it into a more positive space where the outlanders could meet. jasiri makes everyone go to a mandatory summit there lmao
while she's working on it she tells all of the outlanders they can go there anytime to talk to her, but everyone's either too full of pride or don't know her well enough at that point to do so lol. eventually some of them suck it up. no matter the past, jasiri strives to become friends with all of them, not just their queen. she's sweet
i feel like after janja's clan joins jasiri's, janja might still want an important role, but boy does everyone know it's not gonna be lead hunter or anything lmao. i actually feel like he'd be a real good caretaker/pupsitter while most of the clan is out hunting, but he does enjoy patrolling around their territory and the outlands every now and then despite basically being banned from hunting lmao
i saw from a hc from a post once (can't find it atm) that mzingo joins jasiri and janja in hunting! i think that's cute because it's like a 'raven helping wolf for the benefit of both' dynamic. i love jasiri and mzingo's alliance/friendship so much. i'd even go as far to say what mzingo is to jasiri is a bit like what zazu is to simba, except mzingo still has his parliament to care for so he's not always around. but still
this one may be a tiny bit ooc... but i think it'd be so funny if jasiri forced the henchmen & goigoi to make a 'Sorry For Plotting To Eat You' party for thurston. it's funny bc he's still completely oblivious like, "but you DIDN'T eat me, right?" and they just choose not to remind him that the guard had to save him from them 💀 even funnier that it's barely a party and more of a formal apology yet he still has a good time
the skinks, ushari, sumu and kenge are their own friend group. they all say they hate one another, but they care about each other more than anyone :)
each of them used to live in different spots all over the outlands but then they all ended up living the cave(?) equivalent of Right Next Door, likely after scar was destroyed and the outlands reformed. njano is the sorta guy to walk into any of their homes uninvited in the middle of the night and ask if they're awake bc shupavu ain't gonna put up with her roommate's late night questions/antics lmao
since the crocs are... not the best at showing their true feelings, every month or so kiburi and his float bring a big catch to the other outlanders as a sign of their alliance... and also to show off a bit. for the hyenas, jackals and vultures who live primarily off of small things, it's like the equivalent of a massive turkey dinner. the crocs used to just Straight Up Leave as soon as they gave the food, but they're learning to stick around
in fact staying for those 'dinners' was how tamka came up with the idea to get something out of his passion for acting. he notices madoa, reirei and goigoi struggling with wema, tunu, dogo and kijana. he's like, "hey, wait... if we're bringin' them food for bein' nice... maybe i can get somethin' in return for entertaining the little ones!" and thus, from that day on, he became a pup sitter!
and you know what? he's actually really good at it! the pups can't tell/don't really care whether he's "acting" or not, cause tamka is the best climbing frame they've ever had in their LIFE. credit to @devilsrecreation once again for inspiring this, especially of tamka giving piggyback rides! i imagine nduli kinda gets in on the fun of entertaining the kiddos too while kiburi and neema glance at each other from the sidelines wondering how they got to this point of their float playing with pups 😭
i imagine at some point a river that runs the small amount of water that goes into the outlands suddenly stops, and jasiri brings like everyone with her to go find out what happened. most of them are pretty reluctant to leave the outlands at all, but they can't survive without the water for long, especially the crocs. so they're all forced on this big trip for their survival. i guess this would be the outlanders version of 'the journey to the tree of life'
in reference to this au, nduli leads the way as shenzi is guiding him! i like the idea that because the outlands are all kinds of animals- especially with a hyena in reign- he has the ability to see and talk to other species that are ghosts, or whatever mufasa is lol. ghost shenzi just shows up whenever she wants instead of nduli 'summoning' her and gives the most vague directions ever before she peaces out again. it drives nduli and jasiri into complete confusion and frustration about where the heck they're going lmao
also they're like halfway through the journey before janja even realises nduli is literally talking to his mom. it's probably a pretty bittersweet moment when nduli successfully summons shenzi so that she can talk to janja and the hyenas. banzai and ed greet them too :)
despite everyone's grumbles they get the water back, with many of them having to save one another from various perilous things, cuz bonding lol. i imagine they all get to put their skills to use too. also we all know the skinks would have to be saved the most cuz they're tiny little instigators
expect more of these. every time i think i'm done with all my ideas another one pops into my head lol
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Help Pick Furina's Character Song!
I am currently making a Playlist of every Genshin character being represented by one song. Some of them I still can't find a song for. List of missing characters post Here!
But Some character's like Furina have TOO Many Songs so I can't decide on just one. So here's a poll to help me decide which song should represent Furina in the playlist!
If you have a suggestion I'd love to hear about it in the comments or tags!
This is the basics of what I look for when trying to see if a song fits the character. The song should fit their personality, but also their drive/inspiration for doing what they do. Basically why Celestia picked them to get a vision. In the case of Show Yourself it would be channeling the Moment of getting Furina's Vision.
A longer breakdown of why I think each song fits Furina under the read more! Includes minor 4.2 Spoilers!
The first 3 were actually picked before 4.2 came out. But the added context to Furina's Story in 4.2 built more depth into them that they didn't originally have. Regardless nearly every line of these songs fits Furina so don't be surprised by the wall of lyrics. It's what makes picking so hard!
Castle
"Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise. Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised."
"Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it.
I'm headed straight for the castle. They wanna make me their queen. And there's an old man sitting on the throne. That's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean."
This was the first song picked out for her back during 4.0. It perfectly describes the Mask personality Furina wear's for the roll of Hydro Archon along with hinting at the cracks. It really fits Furina's vibes in the beginning and the confidence she shows. But it doesn't go deeper than that and it doesn't hint at Focalors involvement in anyway.
It's mostly still on the list because it was the first and because Furina's character trailer just is this song. Like I could use those clips for an AMV of this song and it would fit without changing any context.
Little Talks
"There's an old voice in my head. That's holding me back.
Well, tell her that I miss our little talks.
Soon it will be over and buried with our past."
"You're gone, gone, gone away. I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart. There's nothing we can do. Just let me go, we'll meet again soon.
Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around. I'll see you when I fall asleep.
Don't listen to a word I say (Hey) The screams all sound the same (Hey)"
So I also picked this one back during 4.0, but it has only grown to fit more as we have learned more. There are two lead singers for this song. The lady and her Lyrics (italics) are Furina, while the man (Bold) is Neuvillette. By the end they are both singing the lyrics.
The "old voice" originally was just Furina's internalized anxiety we saw during Lyney's trial. But it now can also fit the warnings of Focalors and how that held Furina back from trusting in Neuvillette to be able to help her.
The "I watched you disappear" would also be Neuvillette witnessing Focalors death. While "is a ghost of you" is the depression spell Furina clearly fell into between the Archon quest and her character quest where she pulled away from everyone.
"the screams" would be from the centuries of trials they oversaw together. Childe was not the first to refuse to go quietly. Furina acted like it was all entertainment. But some of those guilty verdicts would stick with anyone and to have collected hundreds if not thousands of those sorts of verdicts over the years. "The screams of the damned" as they say. Will probably haunt both of them for the rest of their existence.
The State of Dreaming
"My life is a play, is a play, is a play."
"If only you knew my dear. How I live my life in fear. If only you knew my dear. How I know my time is near
Yeah, I've been living in the state of dreaming. Living in a make-believe land. Living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming"
Now this song is currently already on the playlist for Nilou because of 3.0 and the Samsara dream. But Furina's been acting the roll of Archon for centuries now. Her life is literally a play. But the songs lyrics only repeat this phrase. So it doesn't cover other parts of Furina's story.
Show Yourself
"Something is familiar. Like a dream I can reach. But not quite hold. I can sense you there. Like a friend I’ve always known. I’m arriving. And it feels like I am home."
"Where the Northwind meets the sea. There's a River. Full of Memories."
"Step into your power. Grow yourself into something new.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for
All of my life. All of your life."
So this one only got added to the list after learning about Focalors at the end of 4.2 and now I can't unsee it. Fontaine's water holding memories is literally pulled from Frozen II. Like that was not a common thing before Frozen II.
Furina her whole life was waiting for Focalors the "real" Hydro Archon to show up and take over as Archon. But Furina had always been Fontaine's real Hydro Archon. She was enough. I like to image the end being Furina getting bestowed with her vision.
The only thing causing me to pause with Show Yourself is that, like with State of Dreaming, the song is already being used by another character. Xingqui's VA sang a cover of this song and that cover is part of the reason I even thought to make this playlist. So it has a place of being one of the first songs picked for the character.
Of course if it sweeps the poll I'll swap it in for Furina. That's why we're doing this poll because I can't decide on my own.
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So yeah those are the songs. I feel like I'd probably find a 5th option if I looked at Christian Songs, so I'm specifically not doing that. But if you think of one and you feel like it fits better than these feel free to share it!
Thank you for reading if you got all the way down here!
#genshin impact#genshin#furina#polls#focalors#genshin polls#hydro archon#genshin spoilers#douglimemes#neuvillette#genshin 4.2
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Curious, What’s ur beef with Miguel
you asked for it. slightly long post ahead i'm so sorry
WARNING: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
i have spent the last several days ranting and raving about about Spiderverse related things and like. I have such a complicated relationship with this movie, but THAT'S FOR ANOTHER POST IF SOMEONE ASKS LMAO but Miguel. Miguel O'Hara. Miguel.
I HATE HIS HOLOGRAM SUIT WITH NOTHING UNDERNEATH ASSS HE'S SO. WAGHGGHGAGK Like I know a lot of people do like him and there's stuff to like but I just don't see the appeal, and I'm also slightly biased because I can't enter the Spiderverse tag without seeing unfiltered Miguel NSFW LMAO
The first thing I thought after watching the movie was that it felt like he wasn't like... built up to enough? Like, my writer brain never turns off, and from a writing perspective it felt kinda weird. A lot of things in the movie did, but to me it just felt like there wasn't enough intro to him. Like he's supposed to be important but we don't like. i dunno HEJGKHKFL it sort of felt like we were already supposed to know a lot about him. WHICH I GUESS IS FAIR MAYBE THEY EXPECT ACTUAL SPIDER FANS TO COME IN AND KNOW WHO HE IS and I'm only a Spiderverse fan.
Miguel does have really charming and funny moments! Like, in the beginning Gwen section of the movie, he's got pretty funny dialogue while still remaining stern. He's got kind of a flat charm to him. But for me he just. loses it. after that part of the movie. He's a lot more of an asshole, which yes he's supposed to be. But for me there's just not that much to like. and just. and. and
Okay, kiddies, get out of the pool, that was the formal discussion. Now I'm just gonna LOUD
THIS GUYYYYY. IS SUCH A DUMBASS!!!!! He is so obviously wrong about the entire canon event theory. At least he is mostly. THERE IS SO MUCH EVIDENCE POINTING TO HIM BEING WRONG. AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO BACK IT UP??? ONLY ONE PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT HE EVER BRINGS UP IN THE MOVIE!! And that's when he was Stupid and took the place of himself in a universe where he died so he could be with his daughter! And when you think about it, he didn't necessarily break the canon event rule- That canon event already HAPPENED. He DIED. But I guess you could suggest that him coming back ruined it. But that's the problem; these multiverse rules and regulations and details are just so confusing. And they're supposed to be.
Miguel doesn't necessarily have the right to put himself in charge of protecting this and claiming these things to be true when he absolutely does not know the full scale of the multiverse- Nobody knows exactly how all this works!! And we have seen so many things to contradict him!! If what he says is true, the events of Into The Spiderverse would have absolutely shaken things up. But the everything's fine for the most part, isn't it? The events of that movie changed all the characters in different ways (except for Ham. Ham's ok. Ham didn't change LMAO). Peni's SP//DER bot was destroyed, Noir brought color to his universe in the shape of a rubiks cube, Gwen made a new friend. Peter B was inspired and fixed things with MJ and went onto have a daughter, a DAUGHTER WHO'S VERY EXISTENCE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! AND THAT'S BECAUSE OF MILES! And if what Miguel is saying is true, why is the fact that Miles is Spiderman now and everything he's done not severely messing things up? The 42 spider's corpse is still chilling in his universe, too.
I've seen people compare the Spider Society to like. a cult? And honestly I can see that- Unintentional by Miguel, I'm sure, but it does seem similar. He's gotten everyone to believe in his theory and have them acting upon it, even Gwen, Peter B, and Peni. (Noir and Ham we never saw in the Spider Society, likely because their VA's weren't available. But I also like to take this as like. These two would not join the Spider Society, no way in hell they would. The society is against a lot of what Noir fights for and Ham would see this as a joke LMAO) NOT TO MENTION THAT OH MY GODDD LIKE GWEN KNOWS NOW THAT IF SHE GOES BACK TO HER UNIVERSE, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE CANON EVENT OF HER DAD DYING. AND MIGUEL AND THE OTHERS KNOW THAT TOO. AND THEY THREATEN HER WITH THE IDEA OF GOING HOME. THEY KNOW THAT. LIKE WTF?????
A detail I'm also obsessed with is that in Pavitr's universe, you see the damage and glitching before the Spider Society shows up. They call it a "quantum hole" or something, because that's what they believe it is. That's what it HAS to be, right? It can't be anything else. It has to be damage from the disruption of a canon event. But that is NOT what that is. That deep blackness- That's damage from The Spot. You can even hear it in the music, you can hear Spot's motif. It's probably also glitching because Spot is literally becoming some multidimensional being.
BUT MIGUEL IS SO DUMB AND SO UNLIKEABLE TO ME LIKE HE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE WHOLE CONFLICT WITH MILES IN THE FIRST PLACE IF HE DIDN'T TELL HIM HIS DAD IS GOING TO DIE!! LIKE HE SCREWED HIMSELF OVER!! Sure, maybe he figured he should know what's going to happen, just accept it and join the club, but like. MAN.
BUT WHAT GETS ME. WHAT GETS ME THE MOST. WHICH MAKES ME ROLL MY EYES HARDER THAN ANYTHING.
"I'm this dimension's one and only Spiderman. Or, at least I was. But I'm not like the others. I don't always like what I have to do. But I know I have to be the one to do it. I've given up too much to stop now."
OH BOOOHOOOOOOOOO, CRY ME A RIVER. LIKE OH MY GODD. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL THE MOST CLICHE AND GENERIC QUOTES FOR A CHARACTER OF HIS TYPE. LIKE HOW DO YOU TAKE THAT SERIOUSLYYY I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. OKAY DRAMATIC EDGY MCEDGE I GET IT. I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR YOU!! I HAVE NO REASON TO!!!
I can not WAIT for Beyond The Spiderverse to have Miguel be faced with the fact he's wrong. But he can't face that. Because if he knows he's wrong, he has to face the fact that he's done all of this for nothing. And when people learn the truth, they're likely going to be a bit pissed!!
This came out a little more disorganized and incomprehensible than I wanted, but I think I expelled all my energy yelling about him and stuff in DM's on Discord, so I'm just piecing together all the pieces I left scattered LMAO
Sorry Miguel fans,,,,, you may think he's hot but I do not. This is all just my opinions and thoughts, keep that in mind!!! No hate to anyone who likes him, I know a lot of people do!! I'm just not that big a fan
anyway if anyone wants to hear more of my thoughts on Spiderverse ermmm shoot me more asks :] I enjoy talking
#SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS GOT#i've just. been so insane about this movie#and i have a like/hate relationship with Miguel#he's an interesting character and good for the story but for some reason i just really don't like him#and i can't tell if that's the point HAHAHGJ#still a good movie though. thumbs up#sock talk#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#atsv#atsv spoilers#spiderverse spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#spiderman: across the spiderverse spoilers
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Idea : thoughts on Daisy Jones and the Six and why the love triangle worked for me.
I just saw an inspiring publication/post (by @hellcat-in-chaos :https://www.tumblr.com/hellcat-in-chaos/190027062509/hellcat-in-chaos-66-fuucckk?source=share); reblogged by @alwayschasingrainbows
It made think on Djats.
It finally lets me put into (mostly) coherent words what I thought about both CamiBilly (Camilly) and DaisyBilly (Daisylly) while watching/reading. Thats why i LOVE both.
The post says that, and i quote :
"What's the difference?" I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?""
“One is a choice, and one is not."
Billy may be a mess (totally IS), thats why i LOVE him, but i'm digressing...I get him!! Whats better the LOVE of you Life or your soulmate?
There’s lucky people who finds one or the other, and never gets exposed to both at once (like Billy was) .
There's some others who never find any of them…Thats okay too, your biggest love should be YOURSELF (single Life IS awesome, i'm happier single than in couple,TBH, i'm more Karen Sirko)
But, and that's when trouble begins, others are like Billy, and find themselves between ice and Fire , or as my Abu (RIP) said (in spanish):
Está atrapado entre dos tierras…y al final no podrá respirar = he's trapped between two lands, and in the end he won't be able to breathe.
To me Camila IS and Will Always be Billy’s love of his Life , because he actively has chosen Camila, both in book (better) and TV (not as good, but good enough), Camila IS the one he wants to be with. She is his choice. He loves her to the point of selfdestruction aka the relapse in TV show, when he thinks she has left him in the last episode. He thinks himself broken without her.
On the other hand we have Daisy…To me Billy loves Daisy too, with every inch of him.
Fuck, even the lovely ever wise Camila acknowledges It (in book, the series did a huge disservice to her by erasing her discourse my fave in the book):
"He loves you, i know that he loves you, you know that he loves you...but hes not gonna leave me" (sorry for any possible mistakes, i read it in my native language spanish, not english, so Its a rough translation).
But… he denies It, because she IS just like him… and he cant admit/choose to loving Daisy, someone Who IS like him…Because at that point hes an addict (that doesnt act on It) but an addict nonetheless , once you are you'll always be , in the story he hated himself.
Billy and Daisy are soulmates (in spanish Its almas gemelas, like twinsouls, but in meaning more like soulmates really) because they hadn't chosen each other…yet they can't avoid their situation/ passion (and remember : passion is a also a synonym of pain)
They dont choose each other…Because theres no choice at all for them.
Billy has always had the choice that doesn't make him “broken”, the choice of love : Camila.
And in the end, when he manages to not be broken and only after losing his love, he can choose, from a healthy stand in life, to be with her soulmate (Daisy) and to turn her into another love.
But that quote is right : Love IS a concious act of choice. Soulmates arent…It is someone whose soul calls to you, like a syren chanting in the shore, and that can be good…or -like syren chants were in legends- a curse.
To conclude: I dont get Billy hate at all, i didn't get It when reading the book, and later with the series casting Sam Claflin (my beloved) It didn't help at all for me being objective.
Billy's situation was difficult …His options nearly imposible. He was crying in that Taxi for fucking reasons, you all. In choosing love, he has to deal with the consequences: he loses his soulmate . Also hurts everyone (himself, Camila and Daisy) in the process.
You find that easy to decide?? What would you choose LOVE or SOULMATISM? (I may create a future poll with this question)
If you doubt or dont know your answer, then i'm glad to tell you that you are ...~(insert drumroll sound here)~ Billy Dunne.
#love of life#soulmates#idea#we can agree#we can disagree#we can agree to disagree#long post#too long#I know Its too fucking long okay?#billy dunne#camila dunne#daisy jones#daisy jones and the six#daisybilly❤️#camibilly❤️#If you didn't guess#i LOVE messy triangles#not for me#or for my life#but to watch it..hell yeah#I prefer healthy relationships like:#warrenlisa#simonexbernie#i love karen sirko#cause woe she's me#against Billy Dunne haters#i'm an anti-antis#if thats even possible#free choice IS awesome#entre dos tierras
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so long
pairing: Female Reader x Kim Namjoon
word count: 946
warnings: angst, post break up
series masterlist
A/N: Hope you like it and that you have a wonderful day wherever you are💜
"I love you Namjoon."
Your last words still rang strong in his mind even after three years had passed since he last saw or heard from you.
During those years his main focus was his career, doing everything in his power to make sure everyone would forget about you and not harass you or your family - serving also as a way to distract himself.
But it's in the moments where all is calm and quiet and he has time to himself that his thoughts and memories of you are stronger.
He missed you - your voice, your smile, your eyes, the way your body seemed to fit perfectly with his as if two pieces of a puzzle, how you could calm his over-reacting mind especially after a stressful day, how being in your mere presence would light up his entire world…
It was worse in the beginning - would barely eat and sleep, focusing most of his mental energy on writing lyrics that would be thrown in the trash at the mere remembrance of you. Every time he closed his eyes memories of the times you spend together invaded his mind and would abruptly wake him, to which he would cry silently until either falling back to sleep or getting up to start his day.
The rest of the members had tried their best to help in any way they could think of, from giving Namjoon time and space to get himself back on his feet to receiving an earful once he got too lost in his thoughts and damaged himself.
He appreciated their concerns and he knew they were acting like that because they were worried about him but a lot of the time, he wished they would just leave him alone, wallowing in self-pity as you haunted every second of his life - moments where he didn't have to pretend that everything was fine.
Moments where he wasn't RM, the strong and dependable leader, but Kim Namjoon, the man left broken by the breakup that cost him a future with the love of his life.
Moments like right now…
He was walking around the park for a while now, trying to distract himself of thoughts of you and in search of inspiration for a new song. The sky was gray, looking like it could rain at any moment. He kept his eyes on the ground, watching his every step as he walked without a real direction.
Namjoon had gotten better at not thinking about you all the time, mostly because the stress from work kept him busy, but that hadn't stop the thought that, maybe, just maybe, he had choose wrong when he picked his career over you.
He would often imagine what his life would've been like if he had chosen differently…
His brain told him that it wouldn't have worked - your life would be filled with bullying and death threats, accusing you of breaking up BTS; you would agree with the comments and blame yourself; maybe he would grow to resent you, as would the other members… hell, what would he even be doing for a job?
His heart, however, told that everything would've worked out - you would've gotten married as soon as everything calmed down; maybe with a child on the way; the members would be understanding and supporting of his decision; you would get through the hard times together…
Namjoon stopped as he felt raindrops fall on him, it felt as if God himself was saying that he should stop thinking about such nonsense.
He sighed, honestly in doubt on if he actually believed in these scenarios or was fooling himself into believing them.
If he could only see you one more time, just one more time, that was all he was asking.
Then, as if to curse or bless him, there you were.
You were sitting on a bench, staring up at the sky, most likely wondering if the rain was going to pick, and looking just as beautiful as he remembered.
The eyes he stared into and see galaxies in them, the lips he kissed so deeply until you both ran out of breath, the body he grasped so close to his until there was no space in between, the hands he hold close to his heart…
…Used to, he reminded himself, it was all in the past now.
He was frozen in place, scared that the slightest movement would reveal that it was all a dream, all the while you remained unaware of his presence.
He wanted to see if you were really there.
But before he even had a chance to move, someone else got to you first.
A child, that didn't seem to be older than three, ran up to you and showed you the flowers it had picked while you were distracted by the weather, a smile gracing both of your faces.
Both of you were so caught up in your own world that neither noticed him, as he stood there in shock staring at you, mouth agape, and his thoughts running wild. Had he heard the child's words correctly?
As the rain started to fall you were quick to pick up the baby and walk away, carrying the infant tightly in your arms to protect it.
You never noticed that he was there but the little girl in your arms did. As you walked the child peeked behind your shoulder, her eyes landing on him. She waved her tiny arm at him and he waved back as tears were starting to well up in his eyes.
Namjoon was sure that he would never forget the words that were breaking his heart in even more pieces:
"Mommy"
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I'm a writer. I've technically been a writer for a long time, but I stopped around 2019 and have recently decided to get back into writing because there were a few artists/writers who inspired me so much that I wanted to write a story. As I'm sitting here and typing out this ask, I have not only gained the confidence to upload my story out to the world, but I have a full timeline based around that story that I want to eventually share with everyone on Tumblr and the website where I upload my story.
However..., when I uploaded my more recent chapters, I started to feel...kind of jealous. Don't get me wrong, I love the people who take the time to read each of my chapters (and I know who some of my true followers are and I love them to death), but sometimes..., it gets hard for me to see other artists/writers to get hundreds and thousands of likes on any their stuff while I'm lucky to get a comment/like on my work.
So I wanted to ask you how do/did you get through it? How do/did you get through those though days where you see other artists/writers getting popular each and every day while you feel like you're putting all your effort into something and no one bats an eye?
I'm sorry this is a long ask, but this has been something that's been on my mind for a while that I wanted to ask. I saw some posts you made when you were sourpatch-encouragement and seeing those words of encouragement meant (and still mean) so much to me. I can't tell you how many times I teared up reading your posts cause it's such so nice to hear those positive words of encouragement during the tough days.
Thank you for everything. :) Your positivity, your encouragement, no matter what it is, I (as well as a few other people I bet) love everything you do to help encourage writers and artists. Thank you for being you. ❤️
First of all, thank you for the last part. Even the encourager needs encouragement that what they're doing and saying is helpful and making an impact sometimes, so thank you <3
Okay, so now to get into the question...
Honestly, I've been being asked "how do you/did you do this" a lot lately, mostly by my husband who's dealing with the death of a parent for the first time...
And I truly don't know. I just... do? I think I've just built such a hardened shell of stubbornness that even when I'm feeling discouraged, I just push through it? I've also got to be honest, I've restarted tumblr a lot. I've had many blogs.
Sometimes just getting a fresh start could really help because I could recurate my blog into whatever I wanted and sometimes having that freedom was enough to restart my brain in a way and allow me to give my all and learn from what did and didn't catch people's attention.
I'm also not a person that really cares about numbers. I mean, I do and I don't. I write because I adore the process of writing. Writing has literally saved me on so many occasions, so to me the act of writing itself is fulfilling enough not to need all the excess attention.
But you want my little secret that REALLY helped me?
It's friends. Having friends that I knew loved my writing, whose writing I loved. Having friends I could roleplay with when I was feeling discouraged about my WIPs... having friends that could reignite my fire when it was fizzling out... friends are a HUGE part of what has kept my fire burning for writing, especially at the beginning. :)
I do still get envious sometimes. No, I don't put all of my stock into stats but sometimes when you write paragraphs and paragraphs of writing, put in so much heart and effort into something and only get a few responses but then someone writes like one or two vague sentences and it blows up, it can be disheartening. But that's my problem. For me, it's a matter of "if I'm getting jealous, then I need to step back and reevaluate where my values really lie with this. Am I really doing this out of passion for it or do I want it to get attention."
I've done a lot of research on "marketing onesself." I actually have bought a few books on it, one that I'm passionately in love with... and that's also helped with my confidence, because I know if what I want IS for my writing to get seen and fire people up about it, I have tools to do so :)
--
So long story short: it's really hard. There are a lot of things I've had to do in response to these kinds of feelings. I think all writers deal with them on some level. But just know that your writing is still wonderful and still matters and makes a difference to those silent readers who may just be nervous and shy to interact with your works (and realizing that has been immensely helpful to me too with relaxing over the note jealousy).
Hope my prattling helps 😅
#on: note jealousy#writers of tumblr#writer tips#writer help#writer encouragement#jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing#it can push us to be better and do better#but just don't let it consume you okay nons?#<3#asks#anonymous
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DMD FTR: finale thoughts
i forgot to put this out because i've been in the process of being an employed adult human person these days, unfortunately (no one who saw my previous DMD FTR posts is surprised that i was unemployed). now i wont even get to have my weekly crisply shot and edited hang outs w Gen 3 besties while this new job is sucking my soul... but this was a pleasant finale to this sweet and chill and incredibly unsurprising show!
here's the thing: i dont even know who Domundi is trying to fool w this double win stuff cause they did literally announce the new gen would be acting in TWO (2) new series during their 2023 Line Up event???????
so the double win wasn't a surprise AT ALL but it's okay, it didnt really diminish my enjoyment out of the show at all. i wanted both couples to have series anyway!
as i've said in my first post about this show, it has been very obvious that this shows' intention isn't to be a competition, it's more of a new gen "inauguration". they could've just put the boys through bunch of workshops and let them choose partners off camera too but they chose to put money and time in to make it a whole show, so people could witness their journey and premature fan clubs would form and develop. i think its fun and clever marketing but did it work???
well, the boys def have more fans now BUT on the same day this episode was premiering, some ZNN fans were crying about their faves (who just had a movie come out, also filming a show rn AND scheduled to film another one after) being slighted by the company and they didn't need to "add more". like i said, i don't really follow Domundi closely, if the fans are right about artist management i might not know... but their Gen 2 was extremely successful after all and people are BEGGING for more series, so it's not a bad move for a company to want to grow. i wish fans would be more mature and learn more the industry the person they "stan" works in! why would a growing company would just make shows w 2 actors over and over man, cmon 😭
okay now that i got that out of me, back to the finale. some notes about the general:
the group performance of the theme song was a bit cringe to me bc i just hate that kind of music. but everyone's ending fairies were really cuteeeee so i forgive them
real winners of the episode is the background dancers because they literally did all the performances and acted too, very well!!
Domundi members and variety of industry people in the audience was sweet to see and added valuable comments/advice for the boys. i was especially happy to see Jimmy and Tommy, whom i ADORE!!!!
i was laughing at that LOUD ASS clapping and hollering track they kept playing to add some more noise to the audience's. like i know why they did it but how much that big sound didn't match w that small crowd just tickled me..
well, yeah, i cant get into idol-ing stuff personally so i was kind of bored during the solo performances. i dont really have comments that hasn't already been said by the judges. i thought all the boys did what they were supposed to do and showcased their talents, EXCEPT Latte........ my dude, what happened? i think he could've lip sync to the song, which IS a skill (Rupaul's Drag Race battles and just drag performances in general as evidence...) that would add a lot to his performance.
Firstone leaving the competition w Best Friendship & Best Performance Awards in his pocket and two guys wanting to be his partner. What a little star... Deserved and love his cocky attitude.
about couple jukebox musicals:
in my last episode commentary, i joked about Mandee getting inspired from my ideas but then they actually kinda happened lol🧐🧐🧐🧐 ThomasKong's performance was a coming of age, young love story while KengNamping's story was more complex romance w an angsty core, almost exactly like i wished for.
all in all, KengNamping's performance grabbed my attention the most. mostly because their acting & chemistry seemed improved to me (that kiss fake out at the end, what the hell??? you guys couldn't hold an eye contact couple eps ago...) AND their storyline just ATEEEE. i dont know who came up w the forbidden romance between kinda out of touch but well meaning rich boy & his "i suffer through love quietly" village boy bodyguard, w humour sprinkled in, but they need to get their ass eaten regularly...
ThomasKong don't even need to try that hard, they are just natural born charmers!!!! i liked their friends to lovers, nerdy guy cant believe popular one' love bc he doesnt see his value storyline (Thomas could've busted out One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful"). With the romantic prom climax, it reminded me of American high school movies and fit their vibes perfectly. i wish it was more humorous, because i think comedy is one of their strong suits. like how did it ended up that shy kings KengNamping got more laughs than ThomasKong, the goofballs themselves??? whoever is writing their series, please take notes, now that i know you are reading these...
after the glorious double win and the cute four-way hug, Aof said that two shows would be announced this year which clearly meant that most we are getting this year are pilot trailers. which is fine. not easy to be patient but i get that they are a smaller company w lots on their plates already. i hope they will use that time to work and work and work on the shows!!!!
i honestly want Domundi to kind of change up things in their filmmaking/producing styles, maybe switch directors sometimes and try diffferent styles idk... this show and Gen 3 in general felt very refreshing and i hope they keep that vibe going! and maybe i will finally watch a Domundi show till the last episode.
P.S.: Extra clips were released this week and KengNamping's was sweet. i was kinda laughing at how much of a set up it was like, them conveniently sharing a blanket, all mic'd up, getting filmed w lights on etc. but their conversation and mood in the moment seemed sincere, which is enough. it was nice to see the context for ep 5, when they found each other at the other end of the red ribbon and said that so much happened on that bridge. what a perfect circle moment, from comforting each other about not winning a challenge to winning the show!
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Hii 🥰
What is something you love about your MC / OC? You can create and share anything you’d like 😍 HC‘s, moodboards, edits or drabbles. Have fun and gush about your MC / OC 🥰
Also what made you create your MC /OC what was your inspiration?
Thank you so much for the ask!!
I use the default name, Riley Brooks for my current MC, but of course, my Riley is different from anyone else's, and even my Riley's are from series to series.
No version of her that I write is me, but yet there are pieces of me in every version of her.
It took me forever to find my face claim for her: Barbara Palvin. I preset to you now some of my favorite things about her.
This mood board:
Then there is this edit by @peonierose :
and this one by @harleybeaumont :
My original eight series used MC Riley Campbell. I stuck close to canon for my first five series. As I moved away from canon and played up the love triangle angle, I felt like there was a double standard for the male LIs vs the female MC. So I created my version of Riley Brooks to kind of push back against that a little. My first endeavor in that direction was Savage Love. Here is the snippet I posted about that. This is taken from the "Premise and notes" I posted ahead of the prologue:
A/N 3: My main reason/idea/inspiration for this story was to write a main character who was a bit different. In my other series, I feel like I’m constantly having to explain/justify/make reasons for her to be sleeping with more than one man. And I got to thinking, why? Why not have a main character who owns her sexuality? Who has sex with who she wants, when she wants, without apology, without needing a justification? You know, like men do? Someone who is a badass in her own right. Someone who refuses to be controlled by outdated, sexist ideas. So, without further ado, I present to you Agent Riley Brooks.
I love her independence, her audacity, and her irreverence. She is out of bounds half the time and she drives the men in her life crazy, but when she loves, she loves fiercely and will go to any lengths for those she loves.
Riley acts the way Riley acts because she's protecting herself.
I think I'll let Savage Love Liam speak here:
I knew she wasn’t as jaded as she wanted everyone to think she was. She had a heart, and it was soft and vulnerable and that’s why she protected it. I could see it so clearly. I saw it that first night in New York.
Yes, she was full of life and fire, she glowed with it. She was magnetic, drawing men to her effortlessly, most of them knocking into her in vain, unable to penetrate her shields. But she was more than that. Everyone could see the physical beauty and that spark of life that was so intoxicating, but not everyone realized how much more was simmering below the surface.
I did. And I wanted it, all of it. Not just her fire, not just her passion, I wanted her depths, her pain, her tenderness. I wanted every piece of her.
Or Bad Romance Drake:
She certainly made my career more interesting. Guarding Riley has been an exercise in forethought, contingency planning and diplomacy. Trying to stay a step ahead of her can be exhausting. You have no idea the number of international incidents that have been narrowly avoided over the years because someone’s boyfriend, husband or son was a little too enamored of our queen. Or, sometimes their girlfriend, wife or daughter. She attracts attention wherever she goes, and she chaffs under restraint. She has always kept us on our fucking toes. It’s infuriating and frustrating is what it is. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way because then she wouldn’t be her. And I fucking love her.
Mostly I love the way she owns who she is wholly, completely, and without apology.
I hope ya'll aren't tired of my tags tonight! Clearing out my asks and my "extras" folders! Tagging under the cut.
All Things TRR:
@nestledonthaveone @karahalloway @tessa-liam @belencha77 @lovingchoices14
@21-wishes @secretaryunpaid @lunaseasblog @princessleac1 @bebepac
@emersyn-in-cordonia @walkerdrakewalker @73geenalove @sillydg @twinkle-320
@queen-arabella-of-cordonia @tinkie1973 @differenttyphoonwerewolf @jared2612 @mainstreetreader
@amandablink @harleybeaumont @xpandass420x @ladyangel70 @twinkleallnight
@dcbbw @indiacater @queenmiarys @phoenixrising0308 @gabesmommie1130
@kingliam2019 @3pawandme @bascmve01
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Megumari is my favorite character dynamic
You have the socially awkward brawler and the peppy not-fighter who still can and will kill for her girlfriend
SERIOUSLY.
god i really really love their dynamic so much.
Meg herself goes through such an extreme character arc that is so cool (world's unluckiest girl decide to no longer wait to be saved and instead save others but especially the one girl who supported her all along, and also now she's half shark) and Mari completes this duo so well.
Like i'm still never getting over how Mari was just a NPC reskin the first time, she didn't have a special sprite, she was meant to look forgettable. She acted like the popular girl in class who likes Meg as a friend just fine, but she was a rather mellow person who liked dating, and we saw her with her boyfriends, she was never too intense either. She was just being the supportive friend without specifically being too invested in anything....
And then Meg came back and became the best version of herself and Mari just fell in love and realized how inspiring Meg was, and how dull Mari's life was that she was just going with the motions while she could put her passion to good use.
Girl's love was so strong, she was so inspired by "regular girl Meg decide she won't stay regular" that she broke her status as a NPC reskinned character and now she's her own character, always giving 100% everytime because she's really passionate and really wants to support Meg more and really wants to be a home for Meg to return to.
And it's already a neat dynamic in itself, but then the characters themselves post-initial-character-arc are so insane, because then you have Meg being a bit paranoid and cautious about everything, she's mostly really calm as long as she's not under pressure.
Meanwhile Mari, the actual regular girl of the two, if the one who gets mad at a zombie invasion only because it ruined her date with her girlfriend, and her going, without power, to slap the Big Bad because HOW DARE HE RUINS HER DATE.
And then Mari is like. So threatening to everyone who might consider Meg cool, because she projects how she feels about Meg being cool on them (ie: "so they must be in love with her") and she is RUTHLESS.
I love those two so much. I love how Meg became Mari's prince charming, ready to save her, by their standards, but then Mari still is also fierce and protective and caring.
Their dynamic is so fun it really stole my heart. I love those two so much. I hope they get married like Mari had planned. they deserve it.
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Hey everyone, we’re back with another theme post! This week our theme is going to be “warriors” and today’s post is about...
Warrior Face Paint
I think something we Sukka fans love about this couple is how much they have in common with each other. Their identities as non-bending warriors is obviously very important to each of them, which gives them something they can relate to each other deeply about.
In fact, I always like to think, despite all his belly-aching about how “girly” the Kyoshi Warrior uniform was, that Sokka found the Kyoshi Warrior face paint to be...pretty familiar? Comfortable, even? Because he’s no stranger to applying war paint.
Now, about that war paint. As far as I can tell (and please do correct me if I’m mistaken!), circumpolar peoples do not have a tradition of painting their faces. Tattooing their faces, yes! But Sokka’s war paint may be inspired by Native American practices of face and body painting.
From what I’ve read, in Native American cultures, painting one’s body is a solemn and sacred act, like a prayer. It can be a prayer of thanks, or a prayer for protection. It can be to celebrate a special milestone, or to honor loved ones who have passed. The colors used have significance, and although the meanings may not necessarily be shared across all tribes, I’ve seen some of these meanings for the following colors:
Red symbolizes strength, power, success, happiness, and beauty
Black is the color of living; it is worn to prepare for war and symbolizes victory and homecoming, but in some cultures can also symbolize mourning
White symbolizes peace and prosperity, or it can also symbolize mourning
In the first episode, we see Sokka wearing mostly gray, with large swaths of white and accented details in black. If we apply the meanings above to the patterns Sokka has painted, then his act of face painting takes on a particularly poignant message...one of hope, for victory and peace, in preparation for facing the Fire Nation.
In the sources I saw online, I didn’t see mention of gray face paint used in Native American tribes. However, I did come across one website, though I can’t vouch for its accuracy, that described gray paint used in African tribal face paint as commonly symbolizing security, authority, maturity, and stability.
So what about Suki? The Kyoshi Warrior face paint is not inspired by real-life samurai, who did not paint their faces, but by the depictions of warriors and heroes in Japanese and Chinese opera.
(Oshimodoshi, from the series The Eighteen Great Kabuki Plays)
Kabuki, Japanese classical performance art, makes use of face paint called kumadori, which is meant to exaggerate the blood vessels and muscles of a character’s face and expressions.
Colors have meaning here, too. Black is used for details and accents and doesn’t seem to carry other significance. A base color of white represents a good person or a high-ranking character (as opposed to a base of light brown which is used for supernatural entities, or a base of red which is used for the main villain’s henchmen). Red details, then, are used to represent justice and courage, and also sometimes hot-headed youthfulness.
The patterns of the face paint have meaning, as well! There are several types with meanings ranging from “great villains with high status trying to take over the country” (this pattern is called kugeare) to “heroes who have been imprisoned and so have become pale and thin” (this is called kagekiyo no kuma) to “heroic samurai who are comical despite their status” (called saruguma). You can check them out here, but I picked out a couple that I thought looked similar to the Kyoshi pattern.
According to the site I linked above, ipponguma is used for characters who are “strong and reliable, but also rough and rascally,” while nihonguma is for “calm, majestic, and strong adult roles.” Meaning-wise, I think ipponguma fits Suki pretty well. ;) (And Suki’s eyebrows are about as ipponguma as you can get!)
Now, in Chinese opera, the colors have meaning, as well, but the elaborately-painted faces tend to be more colorful and detailed than in kabuki. So, red symbolizes loyalty, devotion, and courage. Black is for serious or bold characters and symbolizes strength and roughness. And white is for characters who are sinister or suspicious. But the patterns you would see with these colors look nothing like the Kyoshi face paint.
(from https://www.chinaculturetour.com/culture/peking-opera.htm)
Rather, Suki’s makeup more closely resembles the typical face paint of the dan role in Chinese opera (which is any female character). The patterns and colors for these characters is less about symbolism and more about beauty.
(Kunju actress Fengying SHEN performs in Kunju Peony Pavilion on the stage of Peking University Hall in Beijing, China, April 18, 2006)
And actually, the male sheng roles in Chinese opera do their makeup very similarly, so Sokka in Kyoshi Warrior paint fits right in.
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From witchcraft asks 41, 52 and 93 💖
Hello 💐
41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?
I often talk about this one to people who talk to me about my craft ; I physically saw the demon I interacted with after asking for a confirmation, he looked like a tall shadow figure for some reason I was afraid but also felt so calm when I saw him (kinda sad it happened once in the beginning of my practice and now I rarely see stuff)
52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?
New ager/wicca . At first I tried to just avoid them, then after joining the divination community I was face to face with them so I was just telling myself "k act like you tolerate it's not your practice it's ok" but oh boy new age is making a lot of damage where I live, almost erasing other types of witchcraft. I'm truly tired of seeing people talking about appropriated stuff (spirit animals or Lilith) without making a lot of research or they just look at ressources that agree with them :| or they say "but I don't mean any harm" ok then stop ? Also they are still using twin flame related stuff while we all know where it come from etc but "no I don't mean any harm while talking about it, I'm not talking about the evil twin flame" no no there is only one twin flame concept and if you want an other term there is simply "soulmate" even if this term got lost in a lot of false belief. I'm saying that here because I mostly see new ager/wiccan do that but I'm sure other people from other belief system do it, acting like everyone got the same belief as you. The easiest exemple can be the whole drama about curses and that if you do one it goes back to you 3 times but there is an other one. As a someone who works a lot with demon how many people I saw talking to me or an other person in the same kind of path that involve demon saying "demons are harmful being and straight up evil !!!"... And ? First of all demons are neutral, second... Why are you saying this to someone who work with them, exchange with them and see them in a total different way ? Oh you're going to show me their description from goetia who isn't something we refer to and is not even the surface of those beings🥹?
I'll stop there because I can't stop talking haha but you get the image there are some other stuff but that's the biggest one, the second one is the obsession with astrology but with my lack of knowledge I can't say more it just makes me feel weird that people tell you "you got free will" then tell you everything is writed on your chart... So it's like Naruto you say destiny doesn't exist and you're the one shaping the futur but in the end destiny exist and everything was writed from the beginning?
93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?
Oh boy my first advice will sound annoying but I've been there, the short answer is don't search for your matron/patron it's like searching for a lover and only wanting your soulmate, the long answer is yes search for that but it need a lot patience (also the term patron/matron comes from Wicca, I think but people always end up with a "main deity"/patron)
I'm going to show you a simple exemple I'm in a group of people who started witchcraft togheter (we are 4) and evolved together, one of us chosed her deity right in the beginning, two of us ignored their true call (I'm one of those two 🫣) and the last one was just waiting for things to fall on his laps
Now we are on our 8th year of practice, yes we all found our main deity now (and it took a lot of time)except the one who was waiting for things to fall on his lap but he know where to search.
1. Don't wait for a deity to chose you, maybe you got some connexion with one but don't know it yet it's possible but from my experience no one is chosed
2. Since you're a kid is there an entity or an archetype that always inspired you, for me it was Lucifer (I've made a post about it maybe it can help)
3. Do you truly want a patron ? Here it's pure on my pov, having a patron mean it's an entity you'll be bound to, it's being devoted to them maybe now without being into it you tell yourself it sound good and yes it's nice to know that there is this being you can trust and got your back but it also mean you have to put the work etc
4. Let's say you really like Artemis but you're not a big fan of the Greek pantheon and their belief in general, do you like Artemis or do you like the moon ? The hunter archetype ? That she is a goddess ? The animals associated with her ? Or you can ask yourself those questions without having a deity in mind
5. Time spend with a deity ≠ they are my patron
I've been working with Leviathan since many years, he isn't my patron and I'm not his devotee, Lucifer made many appearance but I've not spent that much time with him, he is now my patron. Asmodeus was presented to me as having the potential to be my patron but when I worked with him I didn't felt like it or maybe it's meant to happen in the futur who know but in the end I'm not working with him anymore
6. Know that in the end you'll find your patron/main deity. It's someone that you find along the way sometimes it's someone who's just next to you but you're not looking at the good ones, you are free to chose and free to meet as many deity as you want until you tell yourself "damn I love that one we got a amazing bound". Be patient, it's ok to meet and entity you work well with but then they leave or you don't feel like working with them anymore, it's ok if you search thousand of pantheon as long as you go in those place with sincerity. Hell, i've been from Tyr to Loki then to Apollo and many others I've even tried to approach Tiamat, yes it's a lot of deities but when I was on their side I was doing it with sincerity and pure wish of wanting to learn from them and "pay back" for their services. Even now if I have found my path I told myself many times that I miss Apollo but it really wasn't for me, same with the Egyptian pantheon I truly love them but I felt so distant just like when I worked with the Norse pantheon I didn't find a home but I found a pantheon that accepted to welcome me in their home and let me learn then let me leave once I was ready.
(I hope I didn't went too far haha)
#ask#note that my answer are purely based on my experience and my group's experience you don't have to believe in the same thing as me#talking in English after taking a big break is hard omg
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okay so in the post about dong hwa’s military career and like work ethic stuff i pretty much hinted at the first time he and sae met and i want to ask you two things, your choice which one you want to answer <3 you can also ignore it if you want
1. saeclus’ point of view in that whole meeting and like after meeting thoughts about dong hwa ( that i think you kinda did in the perceive for dong hwa and this might be a stupid ask)
2. your take on a friendship between sae and dong hwa that would’ve started when they were younger and how do you think that would affect his current relationship with devyn
love you <3
Hello again, love! I would absolutely love to answer it all for you <3
Saeclus and Dong Hwa
For some context, I will refer you to this ask.
The first time they met was at the meeting where Dong Hwa was introduced internationally. This was in the rising of the subclans, but the First Bloods still held most of the power.
As such, this was the first time he and Saeclus would meet in person and eye to eye.
The fact that Dong Hwa arrived late and still had the audacity to act up to everyone he met in the room was as off-putting to Saeclus as it was delightful.
On one hand, he didn't enjoy what - he assumed to be - a lack of dedication to deadlines, and on the other, watching him demean those arrogant fools who thought they were hot shit despite their many failures was also so fun.
He sat at his table, waiting for the round to be made at his turn quietly while he sipped on some wine. His eyes followed the newly appointed High General thoughtfully, smiles appearing on his face every time he saw the way he treated people who were truly not worth their station.
When it was his turn to meet with Dong Hwa, he smiled and greeted him as he would a peer. Not so high and mighty as to seem snotty, but also not soft enough to seem like a push over.
Surprisingly - and fortunately - Dong Hwa decided that he would rather sit with Saeclus rather than the other men in the room.
They were rather close in age, worth their whiles, and Dong Hwa said that Saeclus didn't smell like a hot pile of garbage, so that was nice. For the first and last time, the other generals saw Saeclus chuckle on his wine during a meeting like this.
Dong Hwa and Saeclus had entirely different outlooks on life and goals, but that was what kept their conversation interesting and going the whole night.
Saeclus also found it funny that Dong Hwa got a little frustrated over the fact that he was becoming tipsy but Saeclus didn't seem affected at all, even though they were drinking the same amount.
Saeclus would complain about corrupt officials and Dong Hwa would trashtalk theirs and say how he was gonna put them all in their place. It was kind of inspiring to Saeclus honestly.
Despite how different the two of them are on so many levels, they found a common ground in the fact that they both hated corrupt and worthless authorities and wanted to change their respective kingdoms for the better.
Saeclus definitely knew about Dong Hwa and Walburga - may or may not have made a few jokes about Dong Hwa's playboy tendencies coming to an end - and supported Dong Hwa regardless of that.
I think they had a long period during which they were distant due to multiple reasons though.
For one, I think that after Walburga's death, Dong Hwa wasn't big on seeing or speaking to any First Bloods for a while. And Saeclus, while available in case he needed him, decided to give him the space he needed.
And with the growing power of the Vampires, and the other subspecies but mostly the Bat Clan, Saeclus was expected to keep to the First Bloods and he tried to have them establish more diplomatic relationships. Which didn't go well because he is working within a systematic hierarchy of useless douchebags but anyway.
Regardless, he was expected to keep away from the Vampires, both for his own sake and for others.
And the first Great Demon War just made everything a whole lot worse.
And by that point, they had been distant enough that Saeclus didn't even find out who Devyn is or ever get to meet her until she was a fully fledged adult working in court.
I like to think they will reconnect after Devyn and Saeclus get married, I'd love to explore that avenue with you!
#(( i'm simping for dong hwa over here and sae is so done with me#(( old friends reconnecting#dong hwa kang#dong hwa#saeclus#saeclus sanguine#diabolik lovers oc#diabolik lovers#diabolik oc#dl oc#my oc#ask
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Title: The Ruins
Rating: PG-13ish
Warnings: god Implicit and explicit character death(s), unhappy ending, Natori spends the entire fic grieving and/or trapped in a bleak situation orz, probably manipulation and gaslighting, some short-lived violence and blood at the end, being at the mercy of someone who thinks they love you......... 6^6;;
Characters: Natori, mostly (sorry). An OC by the name of Caishen. Other characters like the Cat King, Natoru, Lune, and Yuki are mentioned or make brief appearances but it’s mostly comprised of interactions between Natori and various OCs rip. This has become pretty much an exercise in ‘I wonder how much suffering I can dump on my favorite character’
Summary: How many strings does one good deed pull? For the Cat Kingdom and its residents, the absence of one impulsive act of goodwill possesses farther reaching consequences than anyone could have expected.
Notes: So this idea originally came about from just kind of a small part of @catsafarithewriter‘s Disappearance of Haru Yoshioka which mentioned briefly that without Haru's rescue of Lune, the king died without an heir, and the Cat Kingdom descended into chaos. Me, being lightly obsessed with the Cat Kingdom and also being an absolute sucker for bleak situations, saw My Favorite Character Natori to the side, thought about how losing not only Lune and the Cat King, but also the entire kingdom's peace and prosperity, would just utterly destroy him and quietly wondered if in this kind of situation he would be one of the first casualties or if for some reason someone might want to keep him alive for ‘useful knowledge’ and voila. You have this pit of despair. I did ask catsafari if it was alright to take inspiration in the way I did, just for the record `~`;
I wasn’t certain for a while whether I would eventually publish this one or not, not only because the idea came from someone else’s fic, but also because it’s. well. very dark compared to what I normally write, and I feel I’ve long since sorta pigeonholed myself into being the Cute one who writes just lighthearted subjects, and even when I do venture into darker, sadder topics, it’s usually still with an overarching sense of idealism to it— that things will be alright Eventually. This… is not that
because of that, i have decided ultimately to just post it here on this private-ish side blog. also be aware this sucker is Long As Hell and unfinished, but i’ve added notes for the missing parts
+++
The kingdom feels Lune's loss keenly, but perhaps none so noticeably as the king himself— he becomes quiet, listless. He vanishes from the kingdom's affairs, and no prodding to the contrary is enough to galvanize him back into his old life; too much pressing, in fact, and Natori learns rather harshly that he will retaliate, and violently so if he feels it necessary. But his anger remains the mercurial spark it always was— it burns itself out in seconds and then disappears as if it had only been imagined.
By the time he begins to spend long hours shut resolutely in solitude, Natori simply lets him be outside of the occasional admonition to eat or drink, the aching tenderness of his arm an effective reminder. He takes only cautious and dutiful steps in private to keep his old companion looking at least a little presentable, if he cannot nudge him into eating.
Grief is an unpredictable animal, he reasons desperately to himself sometimes. If it's more time the king needs before he can return, then he can certainly have it. Natori can endure and hold fort in the meantime. Anything, he thinks, if it means he will recover eventually.
But not everyone feels that same gentle, forlorn patience. He catches rumors sometimes, whispers which were not intended to reach him— stirrings of resentful unrest, nonchalantly-spoken rambles about aspirations of luxury and authority, and improbable jests to test the waters (waters which are looking quite captivatingly viable by the day). They can not be stifled; at best, Natori can only hope the king returns to his position before they can root themselves too firmly.
It's one particularly warm day when Natori feels he hits the ledge of what had been perhaps naive hopefulness, when it's shown to him in stark, vivid relief just how bleak the situation has become, and that frail hope is laid to rest with all the quiet resignation of the waning moon.
It had begun so conventionally, so innocuously.
He’d led the king to a chair in his bedroom, and Claudius had followed him dutifully, in much the same unthinking, silent way an obedient and browbeaten child might.
Once, Natori recalls wishing the king might mellow some in his old age, and now he can’t help but to look upon that wish as if it had itself brought them to this state of affairs. He would give anything, now, he thinks sometimes, for the king to toss some unfortunate entertainer out a window or make some no doubt inane proclamation about Casual Fridays because he’d heard some passing mention of the same thing in the human world.
His poorly-named conversations with the king during their time together always meander, necessarily superficial and perfunctory, as Natori mentions old favorite subjects and sidles past memories of the ash-colored kitten they all so dearly miss.
Today, however, he can not seem to stop himself.
“It’s almost his birthday.”
Even saying it aloud is like a lightning rod right to his heart, but he can not help but to continue. “Do… Do you remember, sire..? That one birthday? H-He must have been only four or so at the time. You had gotten him an aquarium, but he was too young— he didn’t understand. I still remember him, even now, looking back and forth between it and you, admiring it as he tapped his little paws together—” Here he cuts himself off with a painful gulping breath. He can not go any further. If he does, he’ll break down; he’ll scream. Instead, with a steadying breath, he rubs at his face and changes topics in desperation.
Yet his newest topic ends up being of little more comfort.
"There's been some rumblings, sire," Natori says as he shakily continues to comb through the occasional mat. The king is silent still, languid. When Natori continues, his voice trembles as well despite his best efforts, prey to the helpless frustration churning away in his chest, the fresh grief which was just upturned, "They're saying there are changes coming, and I— I think they may be right to believe so. Some of our residents are growing restless, and wish to take matters into their own hands, sire. They see opportunity, understand."
Natori hesitates there, breaths shallow, thinking distantly of the too close, trailing looks he's glimpsed when their owners think he's not paying attention. Something rises in his chest then, whether it is that apprehension, or perhaps his agitated strain finally getting the better of him, and for the second time that day, he cannot help the words which next erupt from him.
"I'm— I'm frightened, sire. Please— I-I’m so afraid. This has stretched on for so long, I suppose it's little wonder they might begin to feel so bold. I-I know you don't wish to— it's... I understand perhaps it's still so soon, but... there remains still the question of succession. I cannot make that decision myself, sire, not if we can expect it to be upheld. I— we need you to come back. Please..."
The metal comb in his paws seems suddenly quite foreign and heavy, and so he sets it down on the side table and rubs hastily at his eyes with shaking paws. From there, he wanders around to the king's front, kneels before him in a beseeching way he's certain he hasn't before. Muted shame at his own weakness is evident on the proverbial horizon, but for now the trepidation he's spent too long repressing is in firm control.
"...please, Claudius," he echoes, a mournful plea which is near whispered.
Yet the king seems unmoved, taciturn, staring down at him in blank but resolute detachment.
He should have known better, Natori thinks to himself mournfully as hot tears gather in his eyes against his will— banking on his physical frailty when it comes to Claudius has never worked. The king forgets far too easily, even when emotion isn’t clouding his judgment. Never before now has Natori had the despondent thought that perhaps the king simply doesn’t care to remember.
“...answer me.” Natori is surprised by the harsh stillness of his voice. “Say something, sire.”
Claudius remains silent. That earlier frustrated emotion which had risen in his chest and churned returns, but this time it utterly boils over, just as he’d feared. From far away, Natori watches himself reach for the king with trembling, clumsy paws, gripping at his lethargic companion’s fur and all but frantically shaking him as he cries aloud, his voice broken, gasping.
“Do you understand that we will collapse without you, sire?! The castle, the kingdom, all of us who— wh-who care for you—! Th-They’re going to seize the throne and drag it all out from under you, and I daresay it’s a matter of mere days before they do..! Do something— say something..!”
It’s at the king’s continuing, obstinate silence that Natori utters an exasperated sob, gradually becoming aware of his lapse in self-restraint and the callous words he’d spoken.
Overwhelmed by both guilt and dying, worried anger, he pushes away and hides his face in the fabric of his oversized sleeves, working futilely to get himself back under control. He’s only distracted from his stubborn tears by a very soft touch to his shoulder, feather-light and hesitant, and when he looks up to find the source (vaguely expecting to see Lune’s winsome, sympathetic smile, because he supposes his mind hasn’t been cruel enough to him already), it’s to find himself face-to-face with the king.
The ghost of his earlier forlorn hope flutters weakly… but is ultimately stamped out.
Claudius stares at him blankly for a fleeting moment, and then wordlessly moves to lay his head against the space between Natori’s neck and his shoulder, and although he does rest his paw on his advisor’s as if in reassurance, it's limply, without interest. His apathy is clear.
Natori feels quite cold; some deeply betrayed part of him wishes to pull away, but the looming separation he can now so clearly see on the near horizon keeps him where he is. He will soon stand alone. He already does. His explosive emotion from just moments ago seems now like some hazy, hard-to-comprehend dream. Perhaps because of that, he bows his head so his face may also be hidden against Claudius' shoulder, and draws him close to him for the first time.
It proves also to be the last. When the king is gone, Natori waits, and he doesn't wait for long.
They storm the castle’s rooms, and weary from grief and loss and too much time spent cultivating what has ultimately proven to be fruitless, he offers no resistance when they do.
+++
It is nearing winter, he thinks, in the human world. The sun shines warmly still in the Cat Kingdom, however, and by some equally-aching miracle, Natori remains as well. He counts down his days in silence until he loses track, and then he waits in stillness for the day when his apparent usefulness is extinguished.
It is nearing winter when he snaps out of a thick fugue to find himself alive. The air feels cold. Stale. Empty. His paws, where they've settled limply in his lap and across the chair's arms, are shaking ever so slightly in his sleeves. He is crumpled in a chair, and from the stiffness in his back, he has been there quite some time.
There are voices outside.
No— there is someone across from him, murmuring contentedly in the gloom.
Natori gradually recognizes him as Caishen, the Siamese cat's identity coming back to him in scattered pieces and indistinct interactions. An ambitious noble, unfittingly mild-mannered and retiring for his lofty, covetous goals. They'd spoken on many occasions before this, with a telling increase in frequency the longer the king's absence had persisted. He was well-spoken, persuasive, Natori had often thought to himself… and always a little too close for comfort, in a way Natori had felt reluctant to put a word to. He had often breathed a private sigh of relief once he was out of the other cat’s presence, and that he appears now to be saddled with his company without any obvious escape inspires quite little optimism in him.
Today, Caishen seems to have brought a spotted hairbrush with him, which he is now using to gently brush through the thin fur on what Natori slowly registers as his own leg.
He's speaking.
"...ould have you reinstated— no, raised above even your old position. Not one courtier would dare speak against you nor my decision for fear of incurring my ire, not were I in charge. A familiar, comfortable little nook for you, don't you think..?"
Here he notices Natori’s gaze on him and his movements, more clear-eyed attention than the grey cat has ever given him before today. When he continues, it's with a noticeably more roused tone. He looks up to Natori with the stifled, knowing excitement of a child on the morning of his birthday.
"Yes. I remember you back then. You worked hard, didn't you? And yet it was so, so often thrown away. Left by the wayside. I remember you then— there was a haggardness to you then that I don't see anymore. You're free. You’re free because I released you."
Natori's eyes feel warm. His throat aches.
"But to retain that freedom, that's the impasse we've arrived at. All you need do
is speak to me. Tell me what you know, and give me something compelling. I'll continue to guarantee your safety, as I've been doing, you know, no small feat considering your close ties to the last king, you must understand— and your reputation, of course. You will live comfortably, and finely, and be properly appreciated for all you've done bes—"
"...curled demurely in the palm of your hand," Natori wearily interrupts him, and he's surprised by the sound of his own voice— soft, hoarse from disuse. Unfamiliar, now.
Caishen shares his gaze just long enough for his expectant expression to darken into a scowl, after which he looks away with a disappointed tsk. He stands and starts for the door in an insulted huff, and before he leaves, turns to face his captive companion again with what seems to be a final word of warning.
"You've been more trouble than you're worth, Natori. And that's not going to change. But I want you to remember that I offered you an out."
You offered me a worthless shroud to hide the dehisced wound.
Yet, as the trackless days wear on and his implied execution never comes to pass, it becomes quite clear to him that Caishen has something more particular in mind for him, and it must extend beyond whatever inane secrets he believes he might glean from the ex-advisor. Natori isn't certain how much more time he spends lost in that dazed dream, nor how many more times the noble visits him in that time span. One particularly lucid day sees him recalling his time caring for dear ailing Claudius with a faraway stab of grief, musing on his continued survival, and coming quite abruptly to a conclusion which should already have been obvious— he is valuable.
And once that realization takes root, it’s not long at all before he understands his dilemma; he thinks back to the other cat’s gentleness, his insistent tenderness, in his mind’s eye, the sharpest it's been in quite some time. What questionable acts have taken place while he’s been metaphorically away? No more.
Somewhere, also, the bare, surface fact that he might indeed be manipulated into betraying that which remains still precious to him should he not gather his wits reignites a powerful resentment he'd not been entirely aware of harboring before now.
From there, Natori waves a proverbial farewell to the comforting fugue. He takes a deep breath, wades into the muck which has accumulated about him in his stupor, and begins walking resignedly forward.
+++
When next Caishen sees fit to visit him, he finds Natori seated bonelessly in the ragged, once-elegant chair he's been provided, staring up at the ceiling with an odd amount of intensity, rumination— attention which very quickly moves to center on him when he enters the room. Were it not for the cold hostility lining that focus, he might find the grey cat's unusual lucidity favorable.
Ever the optimist, he approaches Natori and kneels before him, pats his leg as if nothing is out of the ordinary (noting the apparent irritated twitch in Natori's expression as he does), and airily remarks, "Someone looks quite hale and hearty today."
Then, conversationally, peering up at Natori as if they are only two old friends meeting up after a long separation,"Has your stay been comfortable? Have they treated you nicely?"
Natori narrows his eyes at him. Caishen certainly knows the answers to those questions already (as well as the fact that Natori himself doesn't), so he doesn't bother providing his own, instead moving his gaze pointedly away.
"Is there anything I can get you?"
An offer which the both of them know cannot be genuine; again Natori remains silent and pays him little mind. It's there that Caishen sighs with affected exasperation in response, as if he is the long-suffering parent doing their best to cajole an uncooperative child into sharing a toy or finishing off a detested vegetable. He pushes himself up to a standing position, now staring down at his companion with a bemused smile.
"You're finally lucid enough for proper conversation, and you still choose the path of petulant reticence. You can't ignore me forever, now."
Natori scowls lightly despite himself.
A tsk. "I'm not so bad, you know. And I only have your best interests at heart. Which is more than I could say for yourself, if this pathological stubbornness you've been so committed to is anything to judge by."
"...I'm not going to give you what you want." It's quiet, but spoken with the weary resolution of the steadfast bastion Natori feels he's been reduced to. Just as obstinately, he also doesn't raise his eyes to meet his companion's, still gazing into the shrouded corner to his right.
"You don't even know what I want, dear," Caishen responds gently, unfazed, and right then and there Natori is abruptly aware of how much he detests the softness with which this cat is intent on treating him. Having pulled the same tricks and tactics countless times in his lifetime as advisor to a temperamental king, he's not at all fooled nor made docile by them, and the very idea this condescending noble might assume otherwise irks him.
Perhaps because of this, his tone is quite biting and icy when he replies in kind, and he makes no effort to temper or retract his words. He finally locks eyes with the other cat, too, just to sharpen his point, to leave no room for doubts. "You could desire your own undoing, Caishen, and I still wouldn't give it to you."
There's little change in Caishen's outward demeanor— only a tightening in his jaw, the barest glimpse of teeth, and a coldness to rival Natori's own.
"Well," he finally says, brisk and chagrined. "We'll see what you end up giving to me."
Natori flashes him a brittle, wan smile, but in the end he chooses not to offer his own dispute. He is not an aggressive creature, but he most certainly can be a mercilessly stubborn one, and the other cat will learn that even more emphatically in due time.
Caishen does not call him ‘dear’ again.
+++
He has no evident place in the kingdom, not anymore. He supposes it's little surprise. Outside of a select few who know otherwise, most he imagines are likely to assume he'd met a grim fate at the hands of zealous nobles. Yet to have subtly vanished in such a way leaves him uncertain how to feel overall.
Strange, too, to have gone from near sole executive to secluded ghost story in only a matter of hours. He wakes occasionally with a start, certain with the persistent haze of the dream world that he has abandoned an important task, that he has left the king, or Lune, or sometimes even his sisters too long without guidance, and always he will come to in this unadorned room alone. He aches terribly sometimes. He presses his paws firmly against his eyes sometimes, so that he doesn’t stare too deeply into that yawning despair.
The bedroom he's been confined to is small, similar to the one he'd called his own throughout his residence here. He thinks it must have once belonged to a handful of servants before all this. It would have been decorated and enveloped in various personal effects then, awash in countless minuscule signs of life and history and love. Now it is bare, dark, and crumbling, home only to an old chair and a thin bed.
Natori spends most of his time pacing wearily from one end of the room to the other, lingering occasionally before the boarded window to peek out at the kingdom he will most likely never see unobscured by those shutters again. But that also aches relentlessly, so he begins avoiding the window. The gaps are too small to see much of anything anyway; even the sunlight seems to find it difficult to penetrate them.
Staunchly avoided also are thoughts of family; he hopes they are safe, that they will forgive him for his most likely fatal obstinance, and then quite mechanically moves on.
And Caishen continues to visit him. He talks to Natori, tells him stories of questionable veracity about the state of the kingdom, its victories and its beauties, how dreadfully hard he is working against those other nefarious, power-hungry nobles to get his own way (a goal which is exceedingly benevolent, of course). He seems to find particular amusement in combing through Natori’s fur as he speaks, and the once advisor puts together quite swiftly that his own feelings on the matter are of meager significance. If Natori is standing when he arrives, he will insistently entreat him to sit, to rest, and if still he stonily refuses, Caishen will none-too-gently wrest him there himself with that ever-present grim tolerance of a put-upon parent tending to his unruly toddler.
Natori will stare up at the darkened ceiling, numb but for the roiling sense of resentment and revulsion, and silently pick apart Caishen’s words in the same manner as a seasoned critic. He will unwillingly remember his own stint as faithful attendant for Claudius as he’d declined, and feel as if the hot contempt it sparks within him might burn him down from the inside out. He had looked after the previous king out of earnest devotion, out of love, much as it aches to admit it. He’d wanted nothing more than for the king’s recovery, and he had wept quite sincerely in his own time when the fact that that recovery never would come about finally became unequivocally evident. That Caishen might believe his own intentions are in any way comparable leaves a sharply bitter taste in his mouth.
It's one such trying day when the Siamese cat brings to him an ostensible gift— a richly-colored maroon changshan, not entirely unlike the one Natori is presently clad in. When it catches the meager sunlight, he glimpses the looping pattern which sprawls idly across the glossy silk. There are floral designs stitched onto the sleeves' black trims. He has hazy memories of once wearing something similar for another of Lune's birthday celebrations (albeit markedly more worn), and the memory, muddled as it is, still scalds him like a hot iron, and he flinches away on instinct.
Without lifting his gaze from the fabric, mildly he asks, "Does my appearance perturb you..? Too starkly haggard for your taste, perhaps?" When he does finally look to Caishen, it's with a hooded, austere gaze. Something about that word picks futilely at an indistinct memory from their early days together; somewhere Natori knows using it in such a way will irk his companion. "You seem to be laboring still under the delusion that I'm only a wayward guest."
The smile Caishen gives him is urbane enough, but frustrated, irritated, and Natori realizes he finds some passive-aggressive pleasure in prompting that reaction from one he despises so immensely.
"It has nothing to do with me," the other cat eventually responds, laying the material across Natori's seated form as if to assure himself it will be the right size. Natori raises no efforts to help him, gaze wandering instead to the window again, where his eyes eventually droop shut. "It's for your own sake. Think of it as... mm, a very small piece of dignity given back to you."
Then, as he lifts one of Natori's limp arms to gauge how long the sleeves of the changshan will be on him, he adds, "I can't imagine you would be all that enthused by the prospect of attending the upcoming coronation in this old thing." A disdainful pluck at the high collar of his current threadbare attire.
Natori feels as though he's been dropped into a vat of ice water, and the jolt this news has given him quite clearly doesn't pass Caishen by, if his crooked, knowing smile is anything to go by. He glances from his work to Natori’s face with a cursory interest, before he straightens to inspect the changshan’s overall length.
"Yes. A sovereign has been decided upon. You will never guess who it is."
Exactly how long has he been confined to this room? Natori wonders dizzily to himself in a feverish frenzy. It frustrates and alarms him even more than he could have imagined to be unable to differentiate what time has passed, his memory still stubbornly, permanently, shrouded in a fog he can not hope to ever penetrate.
Yet despite his fractured, hazy recollections of his past… while, he's very close to certain it's not been nearly long enough for Caishen to have secured his position so firmly.
Somewhere distant, there begins a panicking dread, frantically picking through the conversations he does recall, fearing he may have cracked after all, yet he thankfully comes up empty-handed.
What underhanded, unscrupulous manipulations must Caishen have undertaken in his pursuit, to have risen so rapidly to triumph over the others?
How long has he been confined..?
“...already..?”
“Already, you ask? It’s not been a mere eyeblink, now. Let’s not go minimizing my hard work.”
The fatigue he's been staving off now for some trackless eternity finally overwhelms him; Natori is certain he must look much like a tired, wilting plant— the lame beast which has finally found itself facing down the barrel that will end its torment— and can not find the drive to work to obscure it.
"...then what do you still need me for..?" It's fainter than he'd expected, mournful and weary.
Caishen, by contrast, only gives a pensive hum, having moved on to measuring the body of the new robe across Natori's thin frame (thinner now than Caishen remembers it being; silently he makes a note to inquire about his little jewel’s meal allowances when next he speaks with the chef). "No one has ever said anything about need, Natori. You’re here because I want you here, and my mind has yet to change on that front— despite your best efforts, of course."
As much as he wants to plead for that finishing gunshot he'd been so certain was right on the horizon, or argue that Caishen has indeed implied his necessity to his goals many times, Natori falls silent and turns his head away in defeat.
+++
Despite Natori's vain attempts to otherwise remain cognizant of his surroundings, the coronation passes in rather disjointed chunks of hazy time; he is moved from place to place seemingly without logic, in erratic ways he can not altogether grasp. He recalls being led to a cushioned seat decorated with a veil and an opaque strip of red fabric spilling over its edges, and that the proceedings had seemed unbearably long, and then suddenly comes to some time later sitting slouched languidly in a different chair some short distance from Caishen. The Siamese is chatting amiably with another handful of nobles like himself, but Natori glimpses flashes of bitterness and umbrage among them all, a second-long lapse in a smile here, a surreptitious flex of the claws there. It’s telling, particularly when those gestures of suspicion and disdain dwell on him.
To himself he thinks that Caishen’s succession is not nearly as ironclad as he would prefer Natori to believe, and again his own suspicions regarding the speed at which it was obtained resurface. As well, and of perhaps more pressing significance, his own continuing survival appears to be a matter of contention.
He remembers Caishen's original 'offer', that proclamation that he would so gallantly protect Natori from the wrath of the other nobles if he would only cooperate, and wonders if the Siamese is primed to follow through on that promise.
Someone sneezes beside him.
There's a guard there, he notices belatedly. When Natori twists in startled alarm to survey him, he recognizes the cat's face with another twitch. Vino, if he recalls correctly. He'd been a young cat the last time Natori had seen him, new to the kingdom and his position among the guards, eager but markedly careless. On more than one occasion, Natori had thoughtlessly reached for his arm (or his tail, in one notable instance) in the hopes of stopping him in his tracks as he’d set off for a confrontation for which he had little hope of emerging victorious.
At the time, Natori had found the parallel in their respective impulsive behaviors rather amusing, if a little revealing.
Now, however, those memories of kinder, brighter days which come to him unbidden, unwelcome, with the distinct lingering contentment of tranquil dreams, bring also a potent sorrow to the surface, and for a fleeting few instants, he is certain he’s drowning above water.
“Um— h… hey, are you doing okay..?” Uneasy words accompanied by a tentative, feather-light touch to the side of his face, and Natori feels as though he crashes headfirst back into the present. Vino had settled in the chair beside him at some point, and now sits staring at him as if terrified he’d broken him. When he sees the awareness filter back into Natori’s expression, he removes his paw and sets it in his lap.
Here Natori is suddenly uncomfortably aware of both his swimming vision and the wet fur about his eyes, and he hastily rubs at his face once it registers just what had transpired in his split-second collapse.
“Sorry,” Vino says awkwardly in the meantime with a shrug and a long sniff, rubbing at his grey nose casually. “Didn’t mean to scare you like that. If I’d known you were dozing, I would have taken more care to smother it. I mean, you know, for all the good it’d done.”
“...no,” Natori finally manages, muted and hoarse. “No, you’re fine.”
Then, after a good stretch of silence between them, Natori slowly becomes aware of the fact Vino seems to wish to tell him something, uncertain gaze moving back and forth between the mingling courtiers out in front of them and Natori at his right. Eventually, once Natori turns his own half-lidded gaze to him and stares impassively without blinking, Vino clears his throat and comes clean, so to speak.
“I— um, I didn’t know you were still— er, around, you know? Not until tonight, when that guy asked me to look after you.”
Sitting straightly is proving to be quite tiring; Natori’s posture slackens, and he moves his despondent gaze from Vino to the ceiling.
“I won’t hold it against you,” he murmurs. “Doubtless you’re far from the only one.”
There Natori frowns, however, even as his attention remains fixed on some indeterminate spot above him. “...Did you say he asked you to look after me..?”
“Huh? Oh— yeah, he did. His words, exactly, not mine.”
To that, Natori doesn’t respond, but it’s no great feat of brainpower for him to glean that Vino’s presence is not for mere companionship, nor is it intended as a safeguard to foil any escape attempts— no. His current companion has been tasked with shadowing his unsteady steps as protection against the other nobles, and something about that knowledge leaves Natori quite agitated, in a way he can’t quite comprehend.
“...You know, also,” Vino begins unexpectedly, startling his ‘charge’ yet again, “I’m, uh, guessing since most of us didn’t know you were still around, you’re probably not all that up-to-date on everyone else’s situations, huh..?”
It takes Natori a minute to catch on, but once he does, all of his attention is on Vino.
“Who..?” He all but croaks.
Vino seems surprised by Natori’s keen interest, blinking once with his ears pinned back, but he recovers soon enough, looking to the side with a cough.
“Uh— well, Natoru, for one, I guess? Not that I know her exact condition and whereabouts, but… I can make an educated guess, you know?”
“How is she? She’s safe..?”
Vino nods at him, just once, with a blink. “I think so. I last saw her disappearing through the tower’s portal. As far as I know, she’s still out and about in the human world. I dunno what she’s doing there, though. Probably enjoying the street food or something.”
Natori feels his drained expression shakily quirk up into a smile at that familiar sentiment, an instinct he hasn’t felt in what suddenly seems like decades. Something about the idea of Natoru so characteristically chasing after the human’s street food heartens him, even as tears cloud his eyesight again.
“A-And my sisters..? Their families? Have you seen them? Are they well?” He hears himself asking, as well, though even as he says it, the amount of optimism he feels over receiving a conclusive answer dims.
As expected, here Vino shrinks, ears flattening only slightly. “Oh— sorry, sir, I don’t know that. I wasn’t even aware you had sisters before now.”
The potent mixture of yawning disappointment and regret which opens up at this admission almost winds him, but Natori manages a sigh instead, closing his eyes with a nod and a twitching smile which is threatening to shift to a tearful grimace.
“No, I understand. Not… not many I worked with then knew about them, I believe.” A helpless laugh, one he must cut off prematurely lest it dissolve into a sob.
“Vino.”
Natori jumps quite dramatically, but Vino only turns his attention out to the newcomer to their ongoing conversation with the same informal, unconcerned energy of a teenager. It’s Caishen, and he’s gazing upon the two of them with a not altogether kind look. Vino seems to realize belatedly that he is perhaps inappropriately sitting beside his charge as if the two are nothing more than a pair of old wives trading gossip, and he is quick to stand… though his posture remains rather slouched.
“Quite dutiful of you to keep Natori company, as I asked you to. Your service is no longer necessary, however. I will accompany him the rest of the night. So you are dismissed.”
Vino straightens with a brisk nod. “You got it, sir. Let me know if you need me again.”
“I will.”
It’s there he leaves the two of them, glancing back only once before wandering out the banquet hall’s door and into the hallway. Caishen waves to him, a motion that almost seems to double as a gesture shooing him away, and then, after contemplating Natori for a long moment, sits in the now vacated chair beside him with the decorum of the sovereign he’s been allowed to believe he is. From there, it’s a long stretch of silence, Caishen gazing out at the few remaining stragglers, and Natori doing much the same, but with a blankness which makes it clear he’s not entirely present.
“What charming conversation did the two of you have, to have elicited such a smile from you?” Caishen eventually asks, and although his words are pleasant enough, the cool stiffness of his tone is unmistakable.
Natori, sensing all too familiar warning signals and thinking distantly of young Vino becoming a far-too-artless target of the other cat’s ire, responds offhandedly… but carefully. “It was too short to be a conversation. He told me a joke.”
“Oh? It must have been quite a joke, then. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you smile, and I’ve known you quite some time, haven’t I?”
“It was a very good joke,” Natori says, clipped, gaze dropping so typically to the floor, as if the ongoing exchange is tiring him. “It was one I’ve never heard before.”
“Is that so.” Caishen is losing his patience. The mask of affability is showing some cracks. “Am I to be let in on this secret, or shall I simply have to languish forever with the unsolved mystery of some humble guard’s marvelously clever wit?”
“...The man who created the umbrella was originally going to name it simply the ‘brella.’ But he hesitated.”
It’s clear to Natori that Caishen is not impressed by his last-second substitution, though one corner of his dark muzzle remains curved in evident amusement (or exasperation, perhaps). He stands quite abruptly, pulling Natori up into a similar standing position by the paws, and then tugs him into a brisk walk beside him toward the same exit Vino had just disappeared through. Natori stumbles some, resorting to clinging to his companion’s arm with a sharp stab of fleeting hatred. Caishen most certainly would have known this pace would be difficult for him to maintain, particularly given the floor-length robe the cat has seen fit to dress him in. Distantly, Natori realizes he couldn’t have fled from the scene even if he wanted to, not with his legs so bound.
“I had no idea that your sense of humor was so vapid, Natori. Seems a shame to me.”
“If I didn’t know better, I might believe you were feeling some measure of jealousy,” Natori eventually remarks as they move into the hall. Nonchalantly, flatly, he also adds, “I imagine it must sting a great deal, after all, to have never brought a smile to one you proclaim to hold so dearly.”
Caishen’s grip on his arm tightens noticeably, to a painful degree (Natori can’t help but to gasp feebly, on old instinct he doesn’t wish to reveal the roots of); the corresponding smile the noble intends as genuine shows far too many teeth to successfully conceal his fury. His voice, as well, resonates taut and cold.
“Shall I tell you an amusing joke of my own, then..?”
“You may try.”
“My joke is about a child,” Caishen continues glibly. “This child accompanied by a man deep within the unforgiving woods. Certainly, not an ideal situation for this child, don’t you think? Well, he doesn’t think so, either. And the woods are so terribly dark. He complains to his escort, then, perhaps in the misguided belief to do so might inspire some mercy within him. Isn’t that charming? How silly of him. ‘This is a forbidding place,’ he says, ‘and it scares me, sir.’ Do you know what the man said back to him, then, Natori..?”
“No.”
“Why, as most likely expected, he admonished his young companion, as this eerie scenario wouldn’t have been necessary had the child simply done as he was told. And then he says ‘Besides, how do you think I feel? I shall have to walk back through here alone.’”
In the silence which settles after the conclusion of this ‘joke’, Natori eventually mumbles, “So much for your unconditional love.”
“Unconditional love is a fallacy, Natori,” Caishen responds smoothly. “And I have never promised it to you.”
To that, Natori has no response; his gaze moves again to the floor, to his concealed feet buried within the folds of this ridiculous outfit.
“No doubt you’ve deluded yourself into believing that slavish devotion you once heaped upon our last king was, in fact, a kind of unconditional love, but we both know now that simply isn’t true… don’t we?” Caishen goes on with too much relish for Natori’s liking.
It feels now as if it’s been quite some time since he had been removed from his position of tacit authority, that senseless stretch of time when he had spent his days numb and detached, oblivious to the chaos he’d eventually awoken to. Between Caishen’s needling words and his continuing touch, the way he squeezes Natori’s paw as if he is offering support through an interminable, onerous trial, Natori is beset suddenly by the powerful urge to succumb to that unfeeling languor again and this time never resurface.
"...he wasn't the only one I was devoted to," Natori murmurs, subdued, regretting the words the very second they leave his tongue. He turns his head away.
At this, Caishen stops, looks him over with a searching, almost pitying, curiosity.
“Is that so..? Why, pray tell, what other no-doubt undeserving soul found themselves the recipient of your boundless obedience?”
“Do what you do best and jump to your own witless conclusions,” Natori says lowly, already curling in on himself in an effort to emotionally exit the conversation.
Caishen again grips his arm too tight, this time yanking him closer to him as they come upon the door to an outside balcony.
“Another secret, I see. Well, I’ll be acquainted with them all someday. In fact, I have quite the secret for you now, Natori, dear.”
The pet name still rankles, even after all this time.
[ i can’t for the life of me remember where this was going to go rip i think i might have had some vague idea of caishen showing natori like vino’s execution or something but it seemed too dark and mean-spirited lmao and then i had nothing to replace it with and i was too burnt out to figure out how to rework it orz ]
[ there’s also some connecting stuff through here about natori being moved to a different room and Stuff Like That, but the main thing is that somehow he comes face to face with yuki, who he recognizes bc this fic was meant to go the ‘lune and yuki’ were childhood friends route :v ]
It’s another familiar face, although this one elicits perhaps a touch more pain than the last— too intimately connected to young Lune for Natori to remain comfortably detached from the loss as he has been for so long.
As well, Yuki’s appearance tells him that whatever the life she’s been leading in the time since the kingdom’s collapse, it’s been an invariably arduous experience, and he finds himself distantly pained looking upon her. From the subdued pity he sees reflected back at him in her own expression, however, he can only assume he must look rather careworn, as well. (And what an odd thought that is. How long has it been since he had access to a mirror..? Suddenly, he’s aware that he scarcely remembers his own face.)
It’s only the distant crash of something and some clamorous voices which shakes them out of their shared stupor— Natori peers down the hallway to the source of the noise briefly, gesturing for Yuki to enter the room behind him. She wastes no time in doing so, and he hastily closes the door behind her.
When he turns, he notices first that she is gazing hungrily upon the plate of fish he’d been too heartsick to eat, the one which is still sitting forlornly abandoned on the lavish bed. Gesturing with old, stilted manners to it, Natori stammers, “Please— take as much as you want—”
Yuki doesn’t hesitate.
It’s as Natori anxiously watches her wolf down his untouched breakfast, settling in his usual seat as he does, that he eventually and hesitantly speaks up. “...Is it… quite harsh outside..? I, ah, assume it’s where you’ve come from.”
Yuki nods, though her attention doesn’t waver from the food. She speaks still with the same soft, sweet voice, even when it’s around a mouthful of cold fish, breathless and brisk.
“It’s hard. There’s not much food, and everyone is always hungry. And sometimes… sometimes people do wicked things to get it.”
“Ah. I was afraid of that.”
“..and you..?” Here Natori sees the faintest glimmer of suspicion in her eyes as she looks up from the plate, and he can not find even a bare speck of insult within himself for it. He looks to his folded paws.
“...I’ve been, ah, made into something of a special interest, it seems. Someone has argued against my inclusion into the ranks of the deceased in the hopes of—” He hesitates only briefly. “—the hopes of uncovering whatever absurd secrets about our last king he’s certain I’m holding on to.”
“Are there any..?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Natori replies, in a firm tone which is perhaps the closest he’s come to his old formality in quite some time. “The answer remains the same regardless.”
Yuki doesn’t respond, and the conversation fades.
[ something more was meant to happen through here-- i really wanted to write the two of them reminiscing or cheering each other a Tiny Amount or something but i’ve just run out of steam lies down they make plans to sort of meet again whenever yuki can manage it and discuss secret signs, etc, as natori is happy to provide her with some food, at least, and she can give him info on what’s going on Outside. but she never does return
instead here we have the beginning of the end ]
He thinks his heart is starting to beat harder every day. Sorrow and worry weigh heavily on him; old grief sits undigested deep within him somewhere, and he’s certain with each day that passes it sinks further, reaches with sharp, inky little tendrils and plants itself deeper. The nebulous comfort of his once fugue calls to him now with more determination than ever.
Caishen still comes to tell him stories, but Natori finds himself unable to focus on them as he once did. He thinks, if nothing else, that if he doesn’t speak or speaks only very little, then he can not betray what he loves, not even when he drifts against his will.
He thinks often of kinder days, sweeter days— sneaking away at odd intervals to steal naps in the sun, when the eternal noontime of the kingdom felt less like an unending eternity and more like a brimming, warm drink. He will reminisce on birthday celebrations, and impulsive outings to Little Sister Lake, and quiet work in the study, even as each one distantly wounds him. He claws at them in the way a drowning man might desperately cling to some floating, flimsy wreckage.
“I have something for you, dear,” Caishen says today, in an almost lilting tone. Natori can not say how long they’ve shared the room, and he makes no move to flinch away when the other cat kneels before him with what seems to be a bundle of objects clutched closely to himself.
“I’ve been saving these for some time now,“ the other cat continues, and it’s there Natori notices something inexplicably strange in his voice and manner, the near lilting aside. He is… excited. Had he the energy to be wary, Natori might have braced himself.
It’s another gift, but this one expresses quite a different message than the silky qipao Caishen had originally bestowed upon him. Natori’s indolent gaze moves over the cluster of items the Siamese holds out before him (a gathering of peonies and a poppy-like bloom Natori doesn’t recognize lying upon a crystalline platter, surrounded by a handful of scattered pomegranate arils, an ornately-decorated red veil with a pearly sheen, a wine bottle wrapped too loosely in twine and ribbon), and a sickened dread in the pit of his stomach grows infinitely more pressing with each one that’s identified, until he is shaking.
Yet it’s only the look he spies upon Caishen’s face, the unmistakable glow of anticipation and unhinged eagerness in his expression, and the burgeoning realization then that there’s any optimism that he might accept this proposition, which proves to be the hardest to swallow.
Natori straightens in his seat without realizing it, reaching first for the platter with a mechanical manner that his companion misses— not only does Caishen’s expression perk noticeably, but he sets the wine to the side and gently tosses the veil over Natori’s head, smoothing it into place with shaky, fumbling paws so that it frames the once advisor’s face. The look in his eyes seems glazed, far away, as he works, and when he speaks, that same dazed excitement permeates his tone as well.
“I knew it would happen this way, dear— I knew I was charming you, slowly but surely. I knew— oh, I knew if I only kept at it, then I could win you over. You would admit your feelings. You would yield to me.”
Natori looks from the plate of seeds and the bouquet in his lap to Caishen, studying his face with a numbness he knows must make him look quite cold, forbidding.
“I would yield to you.”
Natori’s eyes narrow, and he pulls himself up to sit even straighter yet, but those are the only warnings Caishen gets. With a sudden invigorating sense of insult Natori won’t, can’t, ignore, he raises the platter in his paws, nearly to Caishen’s own eye level, and then simply lets go of it. The shattering crash of it hitting the ground and splintering into pieces strikes Natori as a deafening boom.
It seems to take Caishen an aggravatingly long time to register just what has happened, what message Natori intends to send, but it’s unmistakable once it does— his hopeful, manic expression crumbles, darkens, and he twitches away as if he’s been struck in the face with an exposed wire. The ugly scowl he’s left with is quite a far cry from his giddy excitement from just seconds earlier.
“You— you’re such a— you’re so infuriatingly, needlessly stubborn, Natori..!” His name hissed like a dirty word, practically mangled with enough contempt to show just what he thinks of the old cat. “I was charming you—! I’ve gotten through to you! I’m certain I have!!”
“Who could be charmed by a snake?” Natori isn’t altogether sure where his sudden sharp tongue is coming from, but he does little to rein it in.
“This is why you’re here,” Caishen continues then in a low snarl, towering over Natori’s seated form after kicking the remains of the platter away; he rests his paws against the arms of Natori’s chair, settling his weight into the menacing position in a manner noticeably reminiscent of the predator they both are, forcing Natori to lean against the back again lest they be nose to nose. “You were always so devoted, so concerned with him that you ignored and belittled every other opportunity to find love for yourself. And look where it’s gotten you. Old, bitter, and all alone. And he didn’t even feel the same, did he? The prince entertains one little fatal dance with a human’s truck, and he fades away and leaves you here because you weren’t enough.”
Natori can scarcely breathe. This is too much, the one transgression he can not bring himself to abide nor forgive.
It isn’t enough to present him with an offering of items so cloaked in covetous symbolism yet twisted beyond their original sentiments, sentiments he had once quite admired, and behind which lies binding obligation. And it isn’t enough for the other to assume he might feel some ridiculous resentment over Claudius valuing him less than his own son. No, Caishen must also dig his intrusive little fingers into past wounds, pull out staples and unravel stitches until he can study the raw gore within, and then chide his victim for screaming. Between this jab and his vicious reminder of Lune's fate, Natori finally feels his fortitude dissolve. Finally, the tears come.
"...Yes, I loved him," he says, and he's surprised by the great tremble in his words, though in hindsight he supposes he shouldn’t be. "I loved him uncontrollably! I spent the greater part of my life by his side, and he will never know just how dearly I cared for him. Neither of them will." He doesn't remember when he'd covered his face, but although it does well to obscure his tears, it isn't so efficient at masking shuddering breaths. He can't recall the last time he was this distraught, the last time he'd lost his composure to such a profound degree; his voice sounds like that of a stranger's in his ears.
"There is nothing you can offer me that will ever overcome that monstrous wound— no wealth, no privilege, not another, and most certainly not you—" Practically spat out like poison, and he hopes beyond hope that it burns Caishen like the vindictive acid it is. "And the sooner you come to terms with it, the sooner we can end this ludicrous charade—!"
In the silence which settles after his second outburst in the span of a few minutes, as he tries in vain to regain his composure, Natori feels acutely that his value lies shattered across the metaphorical floor like the splinters of the crystal platter beneath their feet. This is it, he can feel it. This is when he finally meets his end.
There is something quite gaunt, wounded, perhaps, in Caishen's face. A bubbling rage behind his usual cool anger; something finally breaking loose. He's still and cold for only a fraught moment. When he crosses the distance between them in seconds, Natori is unsurprised, yet still had made no attempt to evade him. He's never been a fighter, always more content to talk or flee, and he stands little chance of victory against a younger, fitter cat, no matter how few years truly separate them. Caishen easily shoves him to the ground with a hissing snarl, all bared teeth and injured, furious pride, and when he speaks, it's with the unhinged ferocity of an animal denied its true nature for too long.
"Then I would make you..! I would make you! I would bind you to my side with shackles if I had to, and you would come to love me..!"
Natori had been listlessly resigned to his final fate, looking upon Caishen with a tearful but wearied gaze, until he'd uttered that foolishness. Until he’d become quite explicitly aware of their arrangement, the way he is pinned to the ground like a lifeless specimen soon to be dissected. Rage, the likes of which he hasn't felt in recent or distant memory, which overshadows even both his outbursts from just moments earlier, and an overwhelming sense of revulsion flood his senses in an instant. From seemingly far away he watches himself rear his paw back, claws unsheathed, and strike Caishen's face with a viscerally satisfying impact. He digs his claws in until they catch in whatever flesh he can find, until it takes all his withered strength to drag them through.
Caishen yowls in startled pain, jerking backwards and falling clumsily to the side. Natori clambers out from under him, scrambling for the door with the desperate blindness of an injured hare.
He doesn't make it far.
Caishen catches him by the ankle and sends him crashing to the floor again, and when Natori rolls over in a panicked effort to kick him off, he only scarcely glimpses the glinting of something in the other cat’s paw before pain erupts along his side— twice, then three, four, times— exploding across his ribs and sternum in a fiery wave. It’s enough to sap his breath away, leave him shaken enough that Caishen effortlessly subdues him again; holds him down, blade raised in the air for another plunge.
He should have known better, Natori despairs to himself distantly through the haze of pain— nobles, even in the idyllic Cat Kingdom, were by and large quite dangerous folk. His lashing out had been based in impulse and unthinking fury, but he should still have known the reprisal would come swiftly and without mercy.
It’s instinct, more than anything, which has his paws weakly scrabbling across the floor at his sides and above his head, and it’s instinct again, after he slices one of his paw pads open on an errant fragment of broken glass, which has him gripping its jagged edges in his bloodied paw.
Caishen notices it too late.
Impulse and instinct are what got him into this mess to begin with, yet they seem fair-enough guardians, as they’re also what get him out— with strength he can’t quite fathom, Natori drives his makeshift blade into the vulnerable flesh and muscle of the other cat’s neck.
The noise Caishen gives this time is… odd, strangled. He cuts himself off as he stumbles back, one paw reaching dazedly for his neck, grazing against the jutting glass there. Eventually, he hits the wall, and collapses there, still tapping hesitantly, gingerly, at the protrusion which will with any luck spell his end. Natori pushes himself away, huddled panting by the door he’d initially run for, weak now that the immediate threat seems to be extinguished.
Caishen looks confused, pitiful, from his crumpled spot against the wall; he stares out at Natori with the doleful incomprehension of a dying animal, and traitorously the grey cat thinks to himself that were their circumstances different, he might indeed feel some measure of absurd sympathy for the other in this moment.
“I only wanted you…” The words are gurgled and hard to understand, halting, and the sentiment sounds patently unfinished, but Caishen ultimately trails off and leaves it that way.
“ …If you come for me, I will kill you,” Natori rasps. It’s an empty threat, and both of them know it. Still, heaving himself up onto unsteady paws, he wrenches open the door and flees without a look back.
He has no destination in mind; the castle hallways he initially staggers through are starkly empty and devoid of life and activity, and in the part of his mind not overrun by pain and overwrought instinct, he realizes something about that is quite troubling, eerie. When he does finally hear voices, panicked and unable to focus, he climbs through a nearby window and leaps (falls?) to the ground. It’s certainly no elegant landing— he lands heavily on all fours, and they give out beneath him, resulting in him pitching forward into an ungainly sprawl. It’s only his continuing, nebulous fear which ultimately spurs him on, hauling himself back up and tottering on his way.
From there, he runs only until he stumbles one too many times, until he is too weak and dizzy even to crawl, and he at last collapses into a dense patch of cattails and wildflowers, where he lies for an insensible stretch of time. Natori has never been a terribly sturdy creature, less so now while steadily dwindling from the combined strain of his long confinement and his wounds.
How long has he been confined to the castle? He still can not say. As he struggles to roll over, panting from the effort he’s so inadvisably expended in his flight from his prison, he wonders if the kingdom has at all changed— if he will turn his face to the sky to find it bleak, ashen. Unnaturally overcast, just to make it quite clear everything is wrong.
Yet when he lies finally on his back, he's greeted with the pale baby blue it's always been, cradled on all sides by gentle, evergreen hills and grasses, the snow globe effect he'd once found to be quite charming, bucolic. Sunlight streams through densely-crowned branches above him, dotting his surroundings and his own blood-stained frame in speckled patches. He cannot decide whether the familiar scenery is comforting, reassuring even, or simply an extra twist of the knife.
Out a little ways beyond him, he hears the telltale crash of gentle waves on the shore of Little Sister Lake, and the wind rustling the long grass which obscures his leaden form. To himself, hazily, he remembers his forlorn assumption from long ago that he would never again see the kingdom unencumbered by shutters, and is abruptly afflicted with an exquisite despair, one which is tempered rather oddly with some edge of heartbroken gratefulness. A cruel kindness to allow him a glimpse of that which he's long cherished only as he lies dying within it… but a kindness nonetheless.
Somewhere, he wonders if he may ask for one more of those backhanded kindnesses— that his grief and hardship fade into obscurity, never to be uncovered by family nor friend, that they may be allowed to believe he had met his ultimate end quickly, painlessly, and be at peace. No one need grieve wretchedly for him the way he had for little Lune. No one need know how gracelessly protracted it all was.
He'd remained dutiful and devoted to the end. Watching the blurred, wavering sky gradually fade from his sight, Natori supposes he can't have hoped for any more than that.
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