#this is for Rowan for all au’s | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leiawritesstories · 8 months

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hiiii you might be busy with rowaelin month but can i ask for you to bring fedreick out ang give me a really angsty one shot about how rowan dies but aelin needs a heir for tesseran and she basically has to have a heir with a important lord or something but after they have sex he tries to stay and aelin just kicks him out and cries

and the maybe after if your feeling nice you could be fredick away and give me a rowaelin baby being born one shot?????

(Frederick speaking) oh i would love to do this mwahahaha

(Leia speaking) i modified the prompt a little because it genuinely hurt my soul but i hope you like it

word count: 4k (oopsies)

CW: references to death and illness, crying, pain, angsty angst, medical talk, doctors, Frederick's work ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aelin had known this day, this meeting, was coming, but it didn't stop her splintered heart from breaking into a thousand more pieces the moment she walked in the door.

Following the usual opening remarks, she motioned to Lord Darrow, and he stood, offered her a hint of a pained smile, and pronounced the words she knew were going to come. "Your Majesty, there remains the matter of an heir." He cleared his throat, stifling the faint tremor his voice had carried. "As you remember, it was the final clause of the succession."

Aelin laced her fingers tightly together beneath the table and nodded once, a bare dip of her chin. "I am aware of the terms of the royal succession, my lord." When she had come of age four years ago and been crowned Queen of Terrasen, she had been fully aware of the terms of her great-uncle Orlon's will. For her to keep the throne, she had to be married and have a child within the first five years of her queenship, else she would be subject to a council vote on whether or not to keep the throne in the Galathynius line.

It was a horrifically outdated custom for the twenty-first century, but here they all were.

Darrow paced a slow line back and forth across the front of the council chamber. "We understand that His Majesty's...untimely passing...was a great tragedy." The words shot spears through Aelin's fractured heart. "Because of this, we are willing to extend the term to six years. However, Your Majesty, with all due respect, if you are not with child by the time your sixth year has elapsed, we are afraid we shall have to call for a vote."

Tears prickled at Aelin's eyes, but she forced them away. "I thank you for your generosity," she murmured, unable to speak any louder lest she burst into sobs in the middle of a meeting. "My husband..." She took a deep breath, compressing the painfully beautiful memories of Rowan back into the ironclad box where they belonged. "Losing my husband has been the hardest part of my queenship, even the hardest part of my life."

"We understand." Genuine empathy rippled across the lines of Darrow's aged face.

"But there is still the matter of the will," Aelin finished. "I understand." Softly, she cleared her throat. "What is your suggestion, council?"

Darrow motioned at Lady Alister, who passed him a small sheet of paper. "With your permission, Majesty, we have prepared a short list of, ah, acceptable father candidates." He spoke the words with discomfort--the will had stipulated that the father must have noble or royal heritage, yet another horribly outdated custom. "Thanks to modern medicine, you have the option to conceive via IVF, but if you would prefer the, ah, traditional--"

"Show me the list." Aelin wiped all emotion from her voice and held out her hand. With a brief nod, Darrow passed her the short list, and she glanced over the handful of noble names. "Are you all not aware that Dorian is happily married?"

Lady Alister cleared her throat, a little nervously. "The King of Adarlan...he, well, he volunteered."

"Of course," Aelin sighed. She crossed his name off the list. "You may thank him for his willingness, but I shall have to turn down his offer." She turned back to Darrow. "What are your suggestions for this process?"

"Each of the men listed there has agreed to the terms of this...ah, arrangement, so if you'd like, you may either go the traditional way of dating or we can arrange a meeting with the doctors."

It wasn't even a decision. "Please schedule me a doctor's appointment. The sooner, the better." Clinging to her last shreds of composure, Aelin stood. "Will there be anything else?"

"That is all, Your Majesty." Darrow and the rest of the council stood and bowed as Aelin left the room.

In the darkness of the wee hours of the night, Aelin jerked awake with a shuddering gasp. Tears spilled from her eyes as she instinctively reached across the bed to find Rowan's half empty, the sheets and pillows cold to her touch. The dream had been so vivid, she'd almost believed she'd wake up and find him smiling sleepily at her.

"I--gods, Fireheart!" Rowan's yelp pierced Aelin's ears. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Live a little, buzzard!" she yelled back, laughing giddily at the exhilarating rush of wind blowing past as she urged her motorbike faster along the track. She tipped her helmet-protected head back and whooped, the bright sound bouncing off the walls of the canyon.

With a rumbling whoosh of engines, Rowan pulled his motorbike up alongside hers and flicked up the visor of his helmet so he could roll his eyes at her. "I swear, Ae, you're going to make my heart stop one of these days."

"I'll settle for making your brain blank out," she smirked, snickering at the way her husband's throat bobbed thickly. "But that's after I win!" She floored the gas, and her bike leaped forwards, outpacing Rowan in seconds.

He charged up behind her, following her as closely as he dared without risking running his bike into hers in the confines of the narrow canyon road. "Don't be so sure of that, love!"

She just laughed and coaxed more speed out of the motorbike, leading them out of the twisting curves into the final, flat stretch of track, where she could see the handful of staff waiting at the bright green finish line. She knew at least a few of them were rolling their eyes at the wild antics of their queen and king, but what could she say? It was her once-a-month free day.

"Fifteen seconds!" she shouted over her shoulder, pushing for one last burst of speed. She flew through the finish line half a second ahead of Rowan, slowed down, and eventually turned around and made her way back, slowly.

Rowan was waiting at the finish line, looking absolutely delicious in his tightly fitted jeans, boots, and black leather jacket, helmet tucked under his arm, his pale hair a windblown mess. "Congratulations, love," he murmured, shooting her one of those smirks that made her core turn to jelly.

"Thank you," she purred, dismounting from the bike and taking off her own helmet and gloves. Her hair was braided tightly around her head, but some strands had worked their way loose and brushed against her sweaty neck.

"Let me." Handing off both his and her helmets, Rowan tucked the loose strands behind Aelin's ear. "Better?"

"Much better." She rose onto her tiptoes, grabbed the collar of his jacket, and yanked him down for a kiss, not giving a shit who saw. Her kingdom was used to the affection she shared with her husband. "Want to give me my prize now?"

"In front of poor Lord Darrow?" he teased in a low, raspy whisper. "I didn't know you were that exhibitionist, Ae."

"You naughty boy." She playfully swatted his shoulder and led him into the car. "When we get home."

He hummed in agreement but still spent most of the drive back to the castle with her in his lap, brushing teasing little kisses to the sensitive skin of her throat. She barely made it through the private entrance and into the elevator before she jumped on him, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and crashing her lips into his.

The elevator stopped with a ding and she stumbled out with flushed cheeks and swollen lips, hand in hand with her husband, and all but sprinted into their bedroom. He kicked the door closed and hoisted her back into his arms, burying his fingers in her hair, and kissed her deeply, his tongue stroking perfectly against hers.

With a low moan, he broke the kiss, pulling away to rest his tattooed hand against her face. "I love you so much, Fireheart." Instead of burning, desperate need, there was quiet tenderness in his voice.

Aelin wrapped her hands around Rowan's wrist and pressed her forehead to his, tears springing to her eyes. "I love you more," she breathed. "Rowan--"

"So much," he repeated, holding her watery gaze with the emerald depths of his eyes. "To whatever end."

"Don't say that," she choked out, placing her hands flat against his cheekbones. "Godsdammit, Ro, it wasn't supposed to go like this!"

"I know." He pressed her close against his chest, and she inhaled the scent of winter breezes and pine forests, the scent of him. "From now until the darkness finds us, yeah?"

She traced the ink flowing down the side of his face with trembling fingers. "Don't you dare."

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she murmured thickly. "To whatever end, my love." He kissed her forehead, a tender brush of his soft lips, and his figure dissolved into mist in her arms.

And she jerked awake in the still, empty silence of her bedroom, tears pouring silently down her cheeks. If the godsdamned illness that had yanked her husband from her arms were a tangible thing, she'd be figuring out the best way to murder it. But even she couldn't make an illness vanish, so she just wrapped her arms around Rowan's pillow, buried her face in the scent of him that still clung to the cotton, and drifted back to sleep with her heart bleeding once again.

"Your Majesty." The doctor stood and bowed from her waist as Aelin walked into her office.

"Please, there's no need for all of that." Aelin dropped into the comfortable ivory leather wingback chair opposite the doctor. "I'm here for...I assume you know why I'm here."

"Indeed." The doctor settled into her seat and laid a file folder of notes on the desk. "My name is Dr. Yrene Towers, and I've been working in the women's health field for eleven years." She glanced at Aelin's charts. "So you're here to consult about IVF?"

"I am." Aelin laid her hands flat on the expensive mahogany desk to stop them from trembling. "There's no need to go into the reasons why, unless you're required to ask."

"That's not a requirement, no." Dr. Towers pulled a few pages out from the file and picked up a pen. "We need to discuss your medical history, your fertility and cycle history, and the actual IVF process." She cleared her throat. "Your--ah, Aelin, when was your last menstrual period?"

Aelin pulled out her phone and opened her period tracker app. "April 6th to 11th."

Dr. Towers noted down the dates. "That was nearly three months ago."

"I have a history of infrequent cycles," Aelin explained. "It's nothing new for me to go two, three, or even four months without a period."

"I see." The doctor scribbled down a few notes. "As part of the preliminary material, I am required to ask if you were trying to conceive, and for how long you've been trying." Her warm brown eyes met Aelin's, and she offered a soft, sympathetic smile. "It's alright if you need some time to answer."

Aelin closed her eyes. Yes, she and Rowan had been trying, without success, to conceive. For months, if not a year. Every month that passed without any signs, every negative test, every tear she'd shed over her body's refusal to cooperate--every memory cut deeper with Rowan...gone. "Yes." She bit her lower lip. "We were...trying."

Dr. Towers nodded. "Do you remember how long?" she asked, gently.

"A little over a year," Aelin murmured. "Since last winter."

The doctor made a small noise of agreement. "Alright. Well, the next step in our consultation is for you to take a pregnancy test, simply to confirm that you aren't pregnant so we can proceed with IVF medication and treatment." Aelin nodded. Dr. Towers gestured to a door near the back of her office. "There's a private bathroom back there where you can take the test, it's all set up."

"Thank you." Quietly, Aelin rose and walked into the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind herself, and found a digital pregnancy test and a small glass cup on the counter. With practiced motions, she took the test, capped it, and washed her hands as she waited for the small plastic stick to load its results. She exited the bathroom with the test still undeveloped and passed it to the doctor. "I...I don't think I can look at it," she admitted.

Dr. Towers laid the test in front of her notes. "That's alright," she said, reassuring the queen. "I'll watch it for you, and--oh!" Her gaze snapped to the test, dark eyes widening in shock.

Aelin's brows scrunched together. "Is everything alright, Doctor?"

"I...you..." Dr. Towers cleared her throat. "Your Majesty," she whispered, sliding the test across the desk, "it's positive."

Pregnant, declared the little gray screen. 3+.

Aelin's heart leapt into her throat. "Are...no, no, that can't be right." She refused to let the bright flash of hope get ahold of her tumultuous emotions. "Can you confirm that, Doctor?"

Dr. Towers nodded. "I can order a urine and a blood test, if that's what you would want."

"Yes." Aelin's response was whip-quick. "Yes, I want that."

"Alright, just a few minutes here." Dr. Towers opened her laptop and typed away for a few minutes. "Okay, Aelin. If you'll come with me, I'll get you to an exam room, and we can get those tests started."

Wordlessly, Aelin collected her small purse and followed Dr. Towers out of her office and down a wood-paneled, softly lit hallway into the clinic and down a pastel yellow hallway to a tidy exam room. "Thank you," she murmured as the doctor led her into the room."

"Of course." Dr. Towers patted Aelin's shoulder kindly. "I'll send in a nurse with the equipment in a minute or two."

Aelin sat down on the paper-covered bed and twisted her wedding ring around her left ring finger. She hadn't removed it--she flatly refused to remove it. No matter what anyone else tried to say, she had sworn vows to one man and one man alone, and she would keep the ring of those vows on her finger until the day she joined her husband in the afterlife.

There was a polite double knock on the door and a young female nurse in bright blue scrubs entered the exam room. "Hi," she said in a quivering, small voice. Her big blue eyes were huge with awe and a little bit of fear.

"Hi," Aelin murmured, cracking a soft smile at the young nurse's trepidation. "There's no need to be afraid, Miss...I'm sorry, I can't read your nametag from over here."

"N-no problem, Your Majesty." The nurse scurried over towards Aelin. "I'm Evangeline, Your Majesty."

"Lovely to meet you, Evangeline, and please, just call me Aelin. Right now, I'm just another one of your patients, okay?"

"O-o-okay." Evangeline agreed. She flashed a bright smile and snapped on a pair of blue latex gloves. "So, Dr. Towers ordered a blood test and a urine sample to confirm or reject pregnancy, yes?" She seemed so much more confident when she was speaking about the medical orders.

"That's right." Aelin twisted her wedding ring around her finger, her thumb rubbing against the square emerald. "I took a digital test and I don't believe that it's positive."

"Mhmm, that's pretty typical," Evangeline agreed. "I have to ask--is it alright for me to draw your blood?"

"Yes." Aelin laid her arm on the padded armrest and made a fist at the young nurse's directions. Swiftly, Evangeline found a vein and took a small blood sample, then placed a gauze pad and a bandage over the draw site. "That wasn't so bad."

Evangeline chuckled. "It's a lot different than injections, for sure." She labeled the small vial, took off her gloves, washed up, and handed Aelin a small plastic cup. "There's a bathroom just outside this room. In that bathroom, there's a sample collection door. Go ahead and do the urine sample, and place the cup in the collection door when you're done. You can come back here when you're finished, and I'll walk you back to Dr. Towers's office."

"Thank you." Aelin smiled at the young nurse. "Not that I know anything about nursing, but you're a wonderful nurse." She headed into the bathroom, took care of the sample, and let Evangeline lead her back to Dr. Towers's office when she was done.

Dr. Towers let her in. "It might be a couple of hours before your results come back in, just so you know."

Aelin sighed. "That's okay. Do you need me to leave? I can go home if you need me to go."

"No need," Dr. Towers interjected. "You're welcome to stay here while you wait. I do have patients to see, but you're welcome to stay in my office."

Gratefully, Aelin settled into the comfortable armchair, tucked her head to the side, and was asleep before she knew it. Some time later, she was gently awakened by the doctor's soft voice and gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Aelin? It's Dr. Towers. How was your nap."

"Too good," Aelin mumbled, slowly coming to coherence. She blinked, rubbing her eyes. "How long was I out?"

"A little more than two hours." Dr. Towers sat down at her desk and placed a few papers on top of the smooth wood. "Long enough for your labs to come back." She met Aelin's eyes, her gaze steady and professional. "Aelin, both the blood and urine tests came back positive. You're pregnant."

You're pregnant.

"Alone."

Dr. Towers blinked. "Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant alone," Aelin whispered, tears clouding her eyes as she processed the news. "I'm pregnant, and he--my--Rowan." The last word was a choked sob. "And Rowan will never know our child," she croaked, dissolving into muffled sobs.

The doctor slid her a stack of tissues and laid her soft brown hands atop Aelin's trembling ones. "I know it's a hell of a lot to take in."

Aelin sniffled. "Should my doctor really be swearing?"

"Fits the situation." Dr. Towers squeezed Aelin's hands. "Aelin, I'm legally required to ask this next question: do you want this pregnancy?"

"Yes," Aelin breathed. "I don't fully believe it yet, but yes. Absolutely."

"Wonderful." Dr. Towers beamed. "I'm going to refer you to an imaging clinic for an ultrasound, okay? We'll want to schedule that as soon as possible to find out how far along you are."

"Okay." Aelin's voice was small and unsteady. "Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"Do I...how..." Aelin linked her fingers together, rooting herself in the feeling of her wedding ring pressing into he skin. "How am I supposed to go through this alone?" she whispered, anguish coating her question.

Dr. Towers's expression went soft, caring. "If you need professional assistance, I can refer you to one of my colleagues. If you're asking about a support system, let me remind you that you have your close circle of people to rely on. Let them help you, Aelin." She held the queen's shaky hands. "Let them help you."

Buzzard,

It's been seven and a half weeks. I still see you everywhere, in every little thing from my dreams to my nightmares. There will never be a part of me that doesn't miss you. Never.

I'm ten weeks and four days pregnant, Rowan. I just found out. Believe me, I'm as stunned as you probably are, wherever you are. It was...it wasn't what we were expecting, and I'm torn between the urge to scream at you for leaving me before we knew and the urge to imagine everything you'd be saying and doing right now. Yes, that's a tear on the page--gods burn me, I'm crying, I can't help it.

I don't know if I can do this alone, my love. I don't know how I'm going to bring our child into the world knowing that you won't be there to hold them. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next seven months without you fussing over every damn step I take. I miss you so fucking much.

I swear to you, my Rowan, my buzzard, that our child will grow up knowing how incredible you are and how much you love our little family, even from where you are.

To whatever end, my heart.

Aelin

Tears splashed onto the stationery as Aelin signed her name and tossed her pen to the side. She traced the letters of Rowan's name with trembling fingertips, breathing the syllables quietly, almost like a prayer. Reaching for a tissue, she blotted her eyes, then folded the note in half, pressed a kiss onto the paper, and placed it in the simple wooden box of letters she'd written to her husband every day since he passed. She held the box in her lap, idly running her fingers over the initials etched into the smooth, pale wood, closed her eyes, and let the tears drip silently down her cheeks.

Why did you leave me, buzzard?

Deep in her heart, she felt a faint stirring, a faraway echo of her husband's presence. I'm right here, Fireheart.

A muted sob hitched her chest. I need you. She flattened her free hand against her belly, atop the tiny baby growing inside of her. We need you.

I'm right here. It was no more than a whisper in her mind, a flicker of reassurance from a voice that would never speak again.

Aelin closed her eyes, searching for that faint echo, and drifted into sleep, her tumultuous emotions quieting as she slept. In her dream, she walked into the forest, her shoes near-silent atop the soft spring moss. She followed a familiar, well-worn path through the ancient oaks and pines until she came to a clearing beside a stream, an idyllic spot where she and Rowan often hid away for a night or two.

And there was Rowan, sitting beside the stream, his tan skin vibrant with health and his bright pine eyes alight with joy.

Stifling a sob, she sprinted across the clearing and threw herself into his strong, steady arms, burying her face into his solid, warm chest. "Rowan," she gasped, clinging to his dream body. "You--"

"I'm here now," he promised, quieting her questions with a kiss. "I'll always be here."

"I'm dreaming," Aelin whispered, her heart shivering with the knowledge.

"I know." Rowan trailed his fingers through her hair. "And I'm here, and you're here, and if you want this to be real for a little while, then it's real for a little while."

"I love you," she murmured.

He kissed her gently. "I love you too."

She wiped tears from her cheeks. "I'm pregnant, Rowan."

"We..." She guided his hand down onto her stomach, and he exhaled shakily, tears clouding his eyes. "We're having a baby?" She nodded. "I'd give anything to be with you, Ae."

"I know." His dream-form started to fade as she began to wake up, and she clung to his hands. "Every damn day, I need you here."

"I'm always here," he whispered. He kissed her forehead. "Right here." His thumb brushed over her heart. "Right here. To whatever end."

Seven Months Later

Utterly exhausted, Aelin lay back against the heap of pillows piled onto the bed and cradled her newborn daughter to her chest, gazing down into the tiny baby girl's big, sleepy green eyes. The bustle of the nurses and doctors in the room faded into background noise as she held her daughter, beaming and crying all at once.

"Hi, baby girl," she whispered, her voice a hesitant, croaky rasp. "I love you so much."

The baby wriggled a bit and curled closer into her mother's skin, as if she could sense Aelin's overpowering emotions.

"Majesty?" The nurse's voice broke into Aelin's little bubble. "So sorry to disturb you, Your Majesty, but have you chosen a name?"

"Yes," Aelin murmured, smiling brighter as her daughter's tiny fingers clutched her thumb. "Yes, I have." She kissed her baby's delicate little forehead. "Everyone, meet Princess Sana Whitethorn Galathynius." The name Rowan had chosen all those months ago.

And she was perfect. Half him, half her, completely perfect and completely loved, both from the earth and the afterlife.

~~~

not tagged bc tags AREN'T FREAKIN WORKING so reblogs/comments/shares are most appreciated :)

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