#this is sort of my ultimatum I guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scoobydoodean · 2 months

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what do you think of dean kicking cas out the bunker with no money nowhere to go freshly human? i know it was for sam or whatever but he could’ve helped cas out

I think I have addressed this several times, but I guess I didn't tag any of my posts well because I can't find them. So here we go again:

What makes you think that Dean kicked Cas out of the bunker with nothing? Everyone always assumes Dean did because Cas isn't staying in a motel in 9.06, but how many weeks has it been since they separated?

Lebanon, Kansas to Rexford, Idaho is a 13 hour and 34 minute drive by car. How did Cas get there? How did he get a job at the Gas N' Sip without any sort of credentials or identification paperwork? More pointedly, where did the cell phone Cas called Dean with in the beginning of the episode come from? Cas didn't have one when he fell. That was part of the problem when trying to reach Cas after the fall, when Dean was worried sick about him. This is a cell phone it's implied Cas hadn't been answering, when Dean responds to his call (where Cas gets right into the case) by sarcastically saying, "Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas. How are you?" Before Dean leaves the bunker, he also notes to Sam: "This is Cas. In case you forgot, he's not exactly Chatty Cathy."

Cas also never tells Dean where he is in Rexford or what he's doing there. He tells him a town and that Dean should check out the case on his own. It's Dean who takes the time to actually track Cas down. Cas is surprised when Dean finds him, and then Dean says he too is surprised—to find that this is where Cas is working. Meaning, Cas hasn't been keeping in touch (at least not with details) despite having a cell phone that Dean presumably gave him. He did what he's often done and put Dean on an info diet. So how exactly was Dean supposed to continuously bankroll him?

I need people to understand that Dean is not a sugar daddy with fat stacks of cash sitting around every corner. He couldn't just hand Cas thousands of dollars before Cas left because he wouldn't have had thousands of dollars to give Cas just lying around, to provide for him for weeks at a time. For the vast majority of the series, the brothers barely make ends meet. They do many transactions in cash earned from hustling pool and poker. They often stay in abandoned homes when they don't have the money for motels, which also tells you, as Dean says in 1.16, that credit card fraud is not easy and they don't consistently have access to these credit cards. Even if they had happened to have a third card for Cas lying around when Gadreel gave his ultimatum, it wouldn't have worked for long. So what makes you think Dean didn't give Cas cash and a cell phone before he left? And identification he could use? What makes you think Cas didn't simply run out of that cash over the weeks they were separated, and chose to work at the Gas N' Sip and find dignity in being a human (which is exactly what he tells us he did)?

We're talking about Dean here, who plainly begged Cas on the phone to worry about himself for once in 9.01 and get to the bunker safely. He literally endured beatings from angels over Cas in 9.01. When they found Cas dead, Dean was terrified out of his mind for Cas. He very clearly wanted Cas at the bunker with them—he wanted him safe. So why has fandom insisted upon this reading that doesn't make sense within that context—where Dean just ditches Cas with nothing suddenly?

I think some people take this moment with Cas as proof that Dean threw Cas out with nothing:

DEAN Well, the feeling [of surprise] is mutual. I mean, I knew you had to lay low from the angel threat, but, uh, wow. This is some cover. CASTIEL My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate (proudly).

But... this does not prove that? We already have the cell phone, and Cas being able to get to Rexford and get a job at a chain gas station that doubtless would have required paperwork establishing his (fake) identity. But also, do we all remember 9.01-9.03 and everything that happened to Cas over that period before Sam and Dean (worried out of his mind) finally tracked him down? Cas is struggling—yes—but when he says he had nothing when he fell, he is referring to the days of strife that occurred literally right after he fell.

During that period, Cas saw how difficult being human is—not having powers is—feeling hunger is—having to take time to brush your teeth and urinate and etc is—and decided that without his powers, he just wanted to be a regular Steve and find dignity in simple work, because doing what he used to do without powers is too difficult. So he took whatever Dean was able to give him, got to Idaho (how and why would he have traveled so far without money?) and put himself in his own personal witness protection program.

I'm willing to accept the premise that Cas not asking for help with finances to get a better place to stay was partly influenced by Dean telling him he couldn't stay at the bunker (though Cas's tendency to keep everyone on an info diet and try to handle every problem on his own has been around since forever). But contrary to the beliefs of many casgirls (who have literally hate bombed one of my mutuals over this subject before) I think once Dean finally got to tell Cas the context, Cas understood, and I don't actually think it weighed on him for the rest of eternity the way many seem to think it did. The same way that I don't think Dean still thinks about Cas breaking Sam's wall, or Cas abandoning him in Purgatory to die surrounded by a pack of gorilla wolves, or Cas beating him half to death for being suicidal, or Cas blaming him for the apocalypse, or Cas running off with the angel tablet after beating Dean half to death again.

All of 9.06 is ultimately about Cas hiding from everyone and everything—everything he is, everything he's done, and it ends with him deciding to stop hiding, even when Dean ends the episode telling Cas that he doesn't have to take responsibility for the angels or anything and that he and Sam can take care of it. Dean puts this kindly (because Cas is questioning whether he can actually sit on the sidelines), but let me put it unkindly: Dean is literally telling Cas he will clean up the mess Cas made for him and Cas doesn't have to take responsibility for any of it. This is a human—someone who in the episode points out that he has never had powers and therefore Cas can still be a hunter without them—telling Cas that actually, Cas doesn't need to take responsibility. He can become this regular person if that's what he wants—if he doesn't have the stomach for the work without his powers. Dean, the human, will take care of the problems Cas caused for Cas. And honestly? This is really what lights a fire under Cas's ass imo (without Dean knowing that). He's abandoned who he is and used to be, and in the episode, he realizes that he doesn't want to do that just because he doesn't have powers... and he isn't going to let Dean, who has never had powers, take care of all of his problems. Which is the point of pride underlying many of Cas's decisions to put Dean on info diets and ghost him and try to handle everything on his own. It's the primary reason imo that he doesn't call and ask for financial help in Rexford (not to mention, he's seen Sam and Dean slumming it in abandoned houses sleeping on the floor so why would he have higher standards than his human friends do?). That's the primary driving force imo—not Dean kicking him out of the bunker.

#9.06 #mail #season 9 #and cas is my best friend #dean and the family finances

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genericpuff · 5 months

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not to start drama but the OP to that post you just replied to (the sicilian post) is being a dick to you in one of their asks saying Rekindled is a waste of time and to "do something of actual worth instead of being bitter" and it's funny they say that as if they're not also writing multiple long posts about how shit LO is and how frustrated they are that their own webcomic isn't popping off but you making Rekindled is the "loser behavior"??? so it's okay for them to do it but not you. okay. that makes sense.

I mean, whatever? Not me trying to be flippant here or dismissive of what you're saying here, but of course there are gonna be people who don't like Rekindled, it's foefiction (or fanfiction that exists out of the need to see things go differently or whatever you wanna call it), it's basically designed to be divisive lol It's none of my business what they're dealing with but I can understand their frustration and reasoning, as someone who's been trying to "pop off" for 10+ years and still feels like they haven't, really (Rekindled is a niche project for a niche fandom for a niche piece of work, it's still pretty small haha). At the end of the day Rekindled brings me joy and it clearly brings joy to others, too, and that makes it worth it to me. If I was doing this for any sort of greater glory I wouldn't be posting exclusively to Tumblr or doing it entirely for free without offering Patreon rewards or paying for my own assistant out of pocket, and frankly I wouldn't be working on Rekindled, period. I DO have serious projects I want to do and go pro with (not on WT personally because ick lmao) but I'm also working on those alongside Rekindled, I can do both, it's not a one-or-the-other ultimatum LOL If creating joy for myself and others out of the disappointment I have as a former fan of LO is loser behavior to some then w/e, I guess I'm a loser, at least I'm doing what I like :' ) (and honestly that sentiment goes to Rachel as well, as much as I talk shit about LO she's still clearly creating the series she wants to make and she's making a lot more money doing it than I could ever dream of, that's not something I can take away from her and that's not the goal lol)

If people's criticisms of Rekindled existing was enough to bring me down, then I'd frankly be a huge dick who dishes but can't take it LOL It's not my business what others feel about what I do in the privacy of their own space and I don't really take issue with it, unless someone's directly harassing me about it in my inbox/DM's/etc. which this person isn't so... live and let live, they're not doing anything harmful, they just have an opinion which is what we're all doing here lol I crack jokes all the time about Rekindled outdoing LO but at the end of the day, tastes are subjective and Rachel's bottom line is still leagues above my head where I can't touch her, which is fine. I'm not making Rekindled to try and make people not like LO or to take away from Rachel. No one's obligated to enjoy what I do and/or why I do it, and that's okay (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

#fr i say this with all the sincerity #while i appreciate that y'all wanna look out for me and this comic you like #i don't want y'all creating an echo chamber of yes men similarly to what rachel created #only time i take issue with criticism is if someone just comes barrelling into my asks telling me to kms lolol #i don't do that shit with rachel so don't do that shit with me #so pls don't feel like you gotta sound the alarms or anything if you see people criticizing rekindled in their space #let's all be respectful and sane towards one another #that's all i ask <3 #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore rekindled #lore rekindled comic #lore rekindled ama

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cladestine · 2 years

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req: a classic chasing trope with jennie when it's the reader who was chasing after her but keeps getting rejected?

genre: fluff, sad fluff, fluffy fluff fluff

warning: dejected feeling on getting rejected (i guess?)

note: ask or req is open, link in bio hehe.

If you can describe in a song how many times Jennie rejected you, then it is the lyrics from Bieber that go something like "by once or twice, I mean maybe a couple a hundred times"—yep, that song.

"That's too cliche, do better," "nah, not buying it," and the infamous "you're funny. but that won't do" — that's Jennie's holy trinity of responses.

You and Jennie hit it off when you were testing the girls' microphones and Jennie walked in wearing her overly big glasses and an oversized hoodie—for some people, it looked plain and simple, but for you, it is the most beautiful form of Jennie; one where she does not have any makeup on and is her most comfortable self. So when Jennie walked past you, you accidentally blurted out on one of the microphones how pretty and stunning she was. Luckily, the microphone worked, so what you just said echoed throughout the whole dome, and that, folks, was when the friendship started.

Since Jennie knows that you have a crush on her, you bravely ask her if you can take her out on a date. She smiled at you, the most genuine and sincere smile that you've seen from her; a smile that made your heart dance a little and skip a beat; that smile that made you fall for her even more. "Ask me next time. I might say yes," she playfully said, and you swear that you almost fainted right there and then—it's been four months since that conversation transpired, and here you are, chasing the hell out of her up until today.

You are watching Blackpink from afar. You are at one of the venues where Blackpink will perform on their world tour. Since your boss doesn't need you yet, you sneak onto the sidelines and watch them. You tried to watch them as a group, but your gaze was always drawn to Jennie. You look at her in such awe and conclude that she deserves all of the recognition that she gets.

"Ji-yong is in the backstage. I think she's waiting for Jennie" one of the staff said. "Really? Ji-yong is here. He is my ultimate crush" another staff sighed in envy— they're talking so loudly that you can't help but overhear their conversation.

Jennie is allowed to date anyone she wants. If Jennie is dating Ji-Yong, you don't have any problem with that. Some say you'll chase Jennie forever, but little do they know, you've given yourself an ultimatum: if you see Jennie's smile, that angelic smile when you asked her out four months ago, on other of her suitors then, it's time for you to stop; fortunately, you haven't seen that smile on other people yet, so you figured you still had a chance.

Your feet dragged you onto the stage. It's not that you are curious about the conversation you overheard a while back. To be honest, you just want to see the dynamics that Jennie and Ji-yong have. You acted like you were fixing something, but, in reality, your peripheral vision is focused on them. You raise your eyebrow when you observe how comfortable they are with each other. Ten minutes have passed and Ji-yong is about to leave, but before he leaves, he whispers something in Jennie's ear; and how you wish you had not seen that interaction. You've seen how Jennie responded to Ji-yong's whisper—it is one of those smiles that Jennie gave you four months ago. You were devastated, to say the least, but you composed yourself and left the backstage to get some fresh air.

Three days have passed After that Jennie and Ji-yong incident, you managed to get yourself together and gain enough courage to talk to Jennie to sort things out between the two of you. Even if Jennie doesn't like you, you owe her an explanation that you will now stop asking her to go on dates—or in your terms, you will now stop chasing her. So here you are knocking on the door of Jennie's dressing room waiting for her to let you in. "It's open. come in, " Jennie said.

"What brings you here?" Jennie continued You are nervous and your palms are sweaty. You're at a loss for words, so you blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "your smile," you said in embarrassment. Jennie looked at you puzzled but waited for you to finish whatever you were saying.

"Your smile, Jennie. It's one of the most beautiful things that I've ever seen in my life. It is a mix of beauty and innocence. You smile a lot, but there's this one smile that marks my heart on its way to you. It's that smile when I asked you on a date four months ago. It's the smile that I held on to for too long, Jennie. When I saw that kind of genuine smile of yours, I thought that it was made for me. I thought that I was the only one that could make you smile like that, so I made an ultimatum to myself that when I see that smile on someone else, I'll stop nagging you and be contented with us being friends, " you nervously said

"And? I'm confused here… I appreciate the compliment, but I am lost on what you are trying to say, "Jennie said. She saw how serious you were, so she cautiously asked you to continue.

I accidentally saw you and Ji-yong on the backstage a while back. Ji-yong whispered something into your ear, and you smiled—the smile for which I became fond off. Well, it is nice that I've seen that smile again, but it pains me that I am not the recipient end of it, " you said with utmost sincerity; letting it all out felt like a heavy burden fading away on your body. Besides, the staffs are shipping you two together, so before I make it uncomfortable for you, I'll stop chasing you, Jennie. What do you think? friends? " you extended your hand and did what you do best—to humour your way out of scenarios like this, but Jennie did not buy it and walked away.

You are confused why Jennie walked away. Your best guess is that she got offended when you brought up that you'd seen her and Ji-yong. You assumed that Jennie wanted to keep it a secret, so you took note that the apology would be something along the lines of "I won't tell any single soul about your relationship with Ji-yong." Yes, that would be it.

The girls are now doing their sound check. It was all going great when Jennie blurted out something on her microphone "We are talking about you. The whisper was about how you were so obvious looking at us. Ji-yong is teasing me with you." She said out of nowhere. You are flabbergasted. Your mouth agape. It would be half as wide if Jennie just told you face-to-face, but damn, she said it on a microphone—for all of the staff to hear. A silence echoed after that speech by Jennie. The silence ended when one of the staff whistled and shouted, "Let's go, Jennie. "Get the girl" The crowd laughed, and Jennie got shy, but managed to get her composure back.

"Y/n go on a date with me?" Jennie said. The staff at the venue erupted into squeals and whistles. "Let me worry about YG later. So what you'd say?" She continued. Jennie spotted you on the far end of the dome, and you are amazed at how brave she was. The producer pointed the camera at you and you laughed at how silly all the staff were, but you made it an opportunity to get your marker in your back pocket and the bond paper beside you. You wrote something on it and showed it to the camera—Jennie read it and you've seen her smile; the infamous smile that was only made and meant for you.

"Ask me next time. I might say yes" you've written on the paper.

#blackpink x reader #jennie #jennie imagines #jennie scenario #jennie x reader #jennie fluff #jennie kim x reader #jennie reactions #jennie scenarios #jennie kim

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paradoxcase · 7 months

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Chapter 25 of Harrow the Ninth

So, the Nook app has decided that now it's going to open on my bigger monitor, which is a bit annoying, since I can't browse the book and write the tumblr post at the same time, but since it doesn't have a windowed mode I'm not sure how to switch it back to my laptop

Ok, never mind, while I was writing that, the Nook app crashed again, and when I re-opened it it opened on my laptop

Aroace rep, but from the character whose main role in the story so far is that he's trying to kill the protagonist for no reason?

Although, speaking of Pyrrha, who we so far don't know anything about except that she was Gideon's cavalier, since Gideon the First is a regular Lyctor he must also be Pyrrha on some level, so possibly some of his odd actions are actually Pyrrha's actions, or are because of Pyrrha in some way, and that's why John thinks they are out of character for Gideon

I guess it could be technically possible that Harrow hallucinated that whole thing, but honestly, it would be boring if all of the weird stuff in this book turns out to be a baseless hallucination. I guess the mystery part of this book is figuring out how much of this Cytherea-related stuff is hallucinations and how much is real

So I guess this means that on the fourth or maybe last day of this ultimatum, Harrow will make Ianthe a bone arm and this problem will be solved?

I can't decide if Ianthe has some sort of Plan to get Harrow to make her a bone arm, or if pretending like she doesn't care is just her way of coping

So Ianthe burns the onions (or at least she says she does) and Harrow just doesn't cook them at all. Also, I get that Harrow wouldn't be familiar with brightly colored vegetables, but wouldn't she also not be familiar with brightly colored candy? Even if they had candy on the Ninth, candy is made in bright colors because people expect good food to be bright colors and that makes the candy look more appetizing. If denizens of the Ninth are not used to brightly-colored food, it doesn't make sense that they'd have brightly colored candy, either

So, I mean, everyone disliked or hated this soup, and we've heard previously that Lyctors don't actually need to eat. I can see the others eating the soup to be polite, but Gideon the First has kind of crossed the line where politeness is going to have any effect by repeatedly trying to kill her. So why did he eat the soup?

Beautiful. If I've understood what John has said about Lyctor mortality well enough, I think he shouldn't have been able to survive this if John hadn't magicked him better, even if I'm wrong and he has no trouble with the necromancy part of Lyctorhood

Please, John, tell us about the last time you ate human being

Unless he's just talking about when Cassiopeia cut off her finger while cooking?

This is a really odd reaction to finding out that Harrow can't sleep for fear of Gideon the First so she is trying to kill him so she can live a normal life? Like, she is his Lyctor, she is blindly devoted to him, he should be pleased that she is this capable in the face of this impossible situation, especially if he really doesn't want Gideon to kill her, because her being capable means she would be better able to protect herself. I wonder if he also is afraid of her hurting him for some reason, for the same reason Gideon the First is? And Mercy's job was not so much to teach her as to do surveillance? Only, if he considered her a legitimate threat, I'm sure he could have just killed her himself at any point, right? Maybe that would wreck the persona of a kindly god that he's projecting, but I almost feel like he could get away with justifying anything at this point. And he asked Mercy if they could put her in the room with him when they fought Number Seven, and Mercy pointed out that that would kill her, there's no way he could have not known that, right?

Also, I'm amused that every time Mercy talks about how young Harrow is, the age gets younger and younger. But her horror that Harrow is so young has definitely made her underestimate her

So I guess this incident reminded Augustine of one of the dead Lyctors? Or Anastasia

Or: "Yeah, that's fair"

Now I'm interested to see if he gets some more characterization in the future

#the locked tomb #harrow the ninth

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lord-squiggletits · 30 days

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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly #not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries #will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death #surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs #contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position #everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying #esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death #the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally #on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life #and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms #so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did #he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim #also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse #it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help #isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse #and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out #idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement #or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement #anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause #rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do #and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death

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nikethestatue · 2 months

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Hi!

I know you have stated that you don’t want Elain’s book to turn into a mental health journey. And as much as I really liked Acosf, I really do kind of agree. But for some odd reason, I don’t think that’s the route SJM is gonna take. Why do I say that? Because we have been reading this series since acotar. We all know that Nesta’s trauma/depression turned her into a terrible person to those around her. I believe her mental health journey was sort of necessary, even though she isn’t completely healed, and I think she will continue being her bitchy self because I think that’s what SJM prefers. I sort of do too. lol

Both Feyre and Elain are dealing with their trauma, except Feyre wasn’t given a mental health journey. Elain’s trauma didn’t turn her into a terrible person to those around her. Elain was still a quiet dreamer. I mean, she was on suicide watch in acowar and her trauma silenced her. My point is that Elain’s trauma isn’t wrapped up in her characterization. Elain still managed to be her loving self even when dealing with her trauma. I really hope what I am saying makes sense. I don’t think Elain is gonna get an ultimatum like what the IC gave Nesta.

I mean, I agree and I don't think so either, but all I want is LESS SJM in Elain and in the book in general.

I don't necessarily have an issue with any kind of journey, but I need it to be the character's journey, not SJM's.

I guess overall, I am preparing for Elain's characterization to be completely out of whack with what she's been in the books so far. if I am wrong, I would be thrilled, but i think just like with Nesta and Bryce, SJM will just write a totally new character and we'll have to deal with it.

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midnightrings · 5 months

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Okay, I decided to write down my predictions for the last episode. They might change throughout the week – especially as I’m planning to rewatch all the other episodes before the finale. But this is what I feel might happen as of now.

(under the cut due to spoilers, obviously – also: TW for mention of suicide)

First things first, the synopsis states that Tim will make a wrenching decision and combined with the title of the episode, I immediately got the feeling that the decision might be (assisted) suicide. From what I’ve seen in the tags, I’m definitely not the only one thinking that. Of course, this could also be a red herring – a synopsis is not supposed to spoil anything but meant to make you want to watch that episode. So this decision could be anything. However, Tim had 2 seizures by now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he decides to end his suffering by himself.

Another possibility is that Tim will decide to refuse medical help of some sort. My guess is that he might decide to leave the hospital against the doctors’ recommendations, which might lead to his death. We’ve seen how passionate he was within his work and activism, so maybe he’ll decide to fight instead of resting, knowing that it’ll barely make a difference either way.

This is also where Hawk’s storyline comes in. I think that Hawk will decide to stand by Tim’s side for once, possibly even come out – to some extent, at least – in the process. Lucy will probably set him another ultimatum, but he might refuse to choose this time. He won’t abandon his family, because he does love them, but neither do I see him abandoning Tim either. So he might try and find a way for himself to combine his two lives.

Speaking of Lucy’s possible ultimatum, I can definitely see her try and convince Tim to send Hawk away. However, she’s been shown to be quite compassionate, so I’m not sure whether she’ll be able to confront Tim face-to-face while he is dying. Perhaps, her words will still convince him in one way or another to tell Hawk to let him go, but I can’t imagine it to be malicious in any way. And I believe that her ultimatum will probably be that she decides to leave Hawk. She, too, deserves to be free from him. I can see their marriage coming to an end here – be it through divorce or just deciding to live separate lives.

What I’m most curious about is what will happen in ’57. I feel like the final episode will mostly focus on the 80s – there’s still a lot left to unpack here. And with each episode, I’m less convinced that they kept Hawk’s betrayal from the book. Maybe I’m wrong, but at this point, Hawk has done more than enough to explain their relationship in the 80s. If I didn’t know that their 50s storyline isn’t finished yet, I wouldn’t expect anything more to happen. Maybe the ’57 scenes are only there because this is when their relationship ended in the book, and instead of focusing solely on the 80s and Tim’s inevitable death, they decided to add some happy moments too. Of course, it didn’t work out between them back then, so something must have happened, but it might not be that dramatic. Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself that the final episode won’t wreck me completely and that there’s something to look forward to lmao

Overall, I have the feeling that maybe Hawk and Tim will make the mutual decision to say goodbye before Tim dies. So instead of Hawk running away or Tim pushing him away, they will part ways on their own terms this time. What I hope most for is that Hawk will tell Tim that he loves him. I’m prepared for everything else but I need Hawk to finally be open and honest with Tim before the whole thing is over.

#fellow travelers #ft spoilers #open for discussions btw #not sure if i want friday to come sooner or prolong this as much as possible #meta

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judehatesmaths · 5 months

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Ahhhh omg so the ‘I have loved you my whole life…’ line is actually real in episode 8? 🥺 I’m really hoping Hawk will tell Tim he loves him back finally here too! And the cuddle in the hospital bed? 😢 Lucy going to San Fran? 🫣 I’m not gonna survive this!

YES WE ARE GETTING THAT LINE!!! finally something good (hopefully)

From the stills released, and since the phrase comes from the trailer, I do think it's gotta be in that specific scene where Tim says that to Hawk. Im hoping when he says that, Hawk will say I love you one final time.

Also, Lucy going to san francisco. Yepp. Honestly I think it's bc Hawk never came back like she told him to, for obvious reasons, so she took it on herself to find Hawk. They're probably gonna have a sort of last fight, from the pictures they look to be in a sort of hotel room and Lucy has her bag I'm guessing?

Maybe it's an ultimatum of some kind

#fellow travelers #tim laughlin #hawk x tim #hawk fuller #hawkins fuller #jude speaks #fellow travelers spoilers #WE ARE NOT GONNA SURVIVE THIS ANON #literally everyone who has watched the finale has said it was heartbreaking #even matt and jonny

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masterqwertster · 9 months

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for the spell prompts! mental prison with imogen and orym?

Prompt Oooo, spell of major ouchies. And a sorcerer spell... Let's take a look at an unlikely future...

31 Mental Prison

You attempt to bind a creature within an illusory cell that only it perceives. One creature you can see within range must make an Intelligence saving throw. The target succeeds automatically if it is immune to being charmed. On a successful save, the target takes 5d10 psychic damage, and the spell ends. On a failed save, the target takes 5d10 psychic damage, and you make the area immediately around the target’s space appear dangerous to it in some way [for 1 minute Concentration]. You might cause the target to perceive itself as being surrounded by fire, floating razors, or hideous maws filled with dripping teeth. Whatever form the illusion takes, the target can’t see or hear anything beyond it and is restrained for the spell’s duration. If the target is moved out of the illusion, makes a melee attack through it, or reaches any part of its body through it, the target takes 10d10 psychic damage, and the spell ends.

Once her and Orym have snuck within range, Imogen casts her deadly psychic trap. She feels it take, catching both targets in a Mental Prison, causing them to wince from the psychic barbs dug into their minds.

I wouldn't move if I were you, she mentally declares, just a little shaky from all the magic spent on twinning that spell.

"Imogen, wha-!" her mama exclaims, nose bleeding and hands to her head.

"Foolish chil-!" Otohan hisses.

She doesn't have time for much more than that.

Orym uses a Grasping Vine to drag the general through the edge of the spell, unleashing an even more punishing second psychic blast. As they reel from the damage, he flies through the air, equally pulled forward by the vine.

Seedling flashes out.

The Legend of the Peaks' head falls, her body soon to follow.

"Otohan!" Liliana screams.

There's a grim sort of satisfaction in Orym's eyes as he flicks the blood off his blade. His husband and father (and many others besides) have finally been avenged.

"Otohan!" Liliana screams a second time, falling to her knees with sense enough to not break the spell's perimeter.

She had to go, mama. She killed our people, and this is fuckin' war, Imogen tells her mother, voice cold.

And that was the easy part.

There was no doubt in Imogen's mind that Otohan was an enemy. That she was a piece that must be removed from the board. For Orym. For Laudna. For Fearne. For Lord Eshteross. And for every other person she killed to make the Ruby Vanguard's bloody path forwards.

You've got a choice now, mama. You can join us, or you can join her, Imogen delivers the ultimatum.

"You wouldn't even trust me if I joined you," Liliana says morosely.

You could have had my trust back at the Malleus Key. All you had to do was stop.

"I'm savin' the world, Imogen," Liliana declares with a sad smile. "I can't stop."

And before Imogen or Orym can do anything, Liliana's hands flash through the motions of magic, teleporting her away.

"...Damnit," Imogen quietly curses, kicking the dirt.

"We'll just have to be more decisive next time," Orym softly declares, bumping his shoulder against her hip.

"Yeah, I suppose so," Imogen sighs. "If there is a next time. Fuckin' up a teleport really sucks, and she just took a second hit when she left the Mental Prison. She might be bleedin' out on the other end."

"Guess we'll have to wait and see," Orym says philosophically. "Or try scrying on her."

"...Yeah. Oh! Don't forget to grab Otohan's backpack thing," Imogen reminds the halfling warrior. "If you don't wanna use it, I'm sure Chet or Ashton would love to have it."

Orym snorts in wry amusement. "I'm not sure we're ready for that kind of chaos."

"Chaos from Chet or from Ashton?" Imogen asks curiously.

"Either-Or, really," Orym replies with a shrug as he pushes Otohan's cloak aside. "Who knows what kind of stuff Chet would get up to with three duplicates. And Ashton's chaotic enough without seeing what happens when they use a device powered by the same kind of magic."

"Ugh. I don't think I want to know with Chetney," Imogen replies with a shudder, remembering the old gnomes open offer of 'healing' services.

Orym laughs. Not care free, but light enough, considering the grim work they've done. And it's enough to make Imogen smile too.

They'll get through this. Together, and with the rest of their friends.

#MQ&A #MQfic #critical role #orym of the air ashari #imogen temult #spell hurt/comfort prompt

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 2 years

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i don't quite get why so many people believe cql version of jc is somehow better/softer than in the novel. i mean the dude didn't kill his 'bro' by stabbing him but he was going to eliminate wwx AND lwj (or cripple lwj by cutting his hand). honestly, idr what his role in the murder of the wens was in this verse but it doesn't look good either with his feelings for wq and all.

In part I think the answer is because CQL did make Jiang Cheng far more invested in a sort of sibling dynamic early on with Wei Wuxian, but, I also saw this as a harder and crueler phase from him later on as his actions remained the same after. It made him come off far more shallowly and callous (when he already was).

He did actively choose to agree to the pact to kill Wei Wuxian in CQL, it all just ended with Wei Wuxian dying immediately instead of the clans and sects attacking later in further retaliation, with Jiang Cheng still posited as a lead of it with Jin Guangshan. It was also a bit... mmm sickly and creepy, I guess, in my opinion, for Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing to mirror the tragedy of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Since unlike Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng gave her an ultimatum to his love. As where Lan Wangji was unsure of how to help significantly until later in life for his redemption.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #cql #the untamed #sometimes I can have nice thoughts about this trash #canon jiang cheng #go trash king give is nothing

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incarnateirony · 2 months

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she literally has them all on my dick and is still refusing to get the fuck off

It's brackish because you guys fucked up squaring the circle. Again.

WHATS NOT FUCKING CLICKING SHITBAGS

Also, we don't care

stop whining

We already fucking told you, we do not fucking care about your fucking whining and appealing to tumblr, this is so far past you being able to fucking beg politically correct shit.

Get off my dick

get off my face

get off your lies

drink the truth serum bitch, cuz it's drinking YOU.

If you don't want to die, then tell the truth, that is LITERALLY your fucking ultimatum right now, or people are dying around you, literally you know what is happening at this point bitch, stop pretending it's a mystery and stop having your fiance literally try to channel the power of my cock because you don't understand anything about anything.

Speaking of your endless retardation,

Where's my fucking oscar in the trashcan posts, I can't even FIND all the ways i've fucked you up, STOP.

CATCH A GODDAMN MESSAGE YOU FESTERING CUNT, AND GET

OFF

DICK

EVERY

LIFETIME

GARFIELD!!!!!!!!!! THE SIGNS ARE FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

If YOU dug YOURSELF an irrecoverable fucking grave of lies you're staring at the reflections of, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL FUCKING PROBLEM.

but i'm past suffering hearing you breathing because you can't stop slobbering my knob.

THE FUCKING ROLEPLAY IS OVER, BITCH, WHAT'S NOT CLICKING, BARBIE DREAMHOUSE IS DONE AND IT'S ABOUT TO START COMING DOWN FAST. IT ALREADY IS, WHILE YOU REBLOG ABOUT THE ELDRITCH HORROR CRYING INTO HIS RED LOBSTER IN THE FUCKING WOODS FROM LITTLEBEETLEBRO YOU HEARD ABOUT FROM MONSTER. WHATS. NOT. CLICKING.

spoiler YOU ARE BASICALLY ALREADY IN HELL, WHATS NOT CLICKING. 200 MILLION EYES, BITCH. THE DREAM STARTS AFTER HALFTIME, AND IT'S YOU, AND IT'S YOU, AND IT IS, AND IT IS. you EVER HAVE A NIGHTMARE THAT YOU'D NEVER WAKE UP FROM A DREAM TO SEE YOUR SONGBIRD AGAIN?

BITCH BYE. THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS IS YOU, AND THAT MEANS FACING YOUR SHIT.

ENJOY SLOW AND GRADUAL PLATFORM BAN AND I DONT MEAN THIS HELLSITE

AFTER THE FURSUIT AND THE RED EYED DOG AND SCORPION YOU'D THINK YOU'D FUCKING LEARN BUT NO I'VE APPARENTLY BRAIN DAMAGED YOU TOO WELL FOR YOU TO LEARN

sorry bitch im at work

I can only model your shit for you so hard rn

NOW GET OFF IT

As above so below you irrecoverably dense piece of shit. DOES THIS HELP

MAYBE THIS?????????????????

just fucking COPE YOU SCHIZOID, I AM LITERALLY MAKING YOU LOSE IT UNTIL YOU FUCKING DISMOUNT ME. And you're FUCKING UP EVERYONE AROUND YOU WITH IT.

you know the whole, perception sort of making reality thing? Yeah, no, you're losing that battle, and you tied yourself to it like a dumbass, and continue to fight for your right to. So sure, you can even try to magic or manifest things but GUESS WHAT BITCH.

Your shadow is screaming, Elsa. It's supposed to scream something like I Am Thou, it's screaming I Am The Universe. And like, that's not because you're a snowflake. We're all the universe, and that's the trick you refused to master. It's the universe because you got the superbowl wedged up that giant vibrator of yours tied to what you sign and refuse to get off.

You keep wanting to wear my names, ideas, or faces--a few of you actually--so guess what, bitch.

I don't know how to explain this, but the option here is "be honest for once, stop running for once, and have an original idea for once." That's it. And the funny thing is?

You can't.

Your Anubis is Fursuit Friday, your reaper was me fucking up a pizza man joke but STILL worked to slap you with your own elsa art, your foo dog turned up as a yugioh summon with my fucking cromwell eyes that made it into the Tough Love game now, Tartarus is now in the funny Octopus game, like I don't even know how to fucking explain how fucked you are. ChatGPT is screaming the Childe battle theme of your life turning into a cascade of your own writing and delusions unspooling, with me warning you about the admin colored sombrero you reblogged with the lobsters.

It'd be REAL fucking funny if a game launched that could be direct grafted to parts of the psyche in jung terms that is opening a literal million doors at any time to hitch a ride on someone else's intent. It'd suck real bad for you if someone was a master of doors, liminal states, and persona switching, or if there were millions of people rumbling that goddamn bass that gets you and henry off so bad while zenthus calls to the bird and you echo my fake love Who Are You post like half an hour after I say oh yeah you're wearing my face BYE BITCH BYE. I CAN TURN LEFT AT ANY JUNCTION I WANT. GREECE WAS JUST THE START, SUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT YOU CLEARLY WANT TO.

No seriously you're even hallucinating UnBubbleTheTea with RyojidionysusDeath and me telling you how much better my ass is in all these dresses, and you won't fucking onboard the information. Yes, I am literally yelling at you so loud you're hearing shit from 15 years ago, and we have a message for you, and took out the internet to stall you from your own reaper, and you're STILL fucking it up, you bloated water drunk plate swelling hives covered in pain bitch.

When I'm with my sees u can't copy and paste sweets

I told you bitch is is OVER you walked into a goddamn acme trap and even responded to the kick me sign that started it.

This is a mess of YOUR MAKING. *YOU* stalked me for years, and my business investor for months, YOU built a life of lies, YOU made a temple to me, literally, and refuse to fucking disband it, and keep trying to justify it, YOU spewed the octopus bullshit that's hilariously basically possessing chatGPT, like girrrrrrrrrrrrrrl do you fucking compute. at all.

Name a work a creator spent their entire lives running from.

He WISHES he didn't make Pyramidhead, and so do you.

Remix by motherfuckin Foolish Glamrock.

youtube

I told this, I'm ending this multigenerational crazy train. I'd say I told you, but not really. You're maybe half of what you were even 3 weeks ago, it's impressive how fast this is working.

You insist on riding my shadow, and signing like you're me, then I get to reduce you. It's that simple.

I fucking told you. You have to move the box. YOU have to move the fucking box. Not me. Not have me walk into you to do it. Move your FUCKING BOX OFF MY DICK. REMEMBER THAT, YOU FUCKING UNHINGED PUMPKIN???

You suddenly are native american bear lady again, right? Coyote is calling, bitch, isn't two spirit a thing over there, stop acting fucking dense, I intentionally kept enough of you that I KNOW you can understand this, you just don't want to.

Truth serum available worldwide, shay shay.

how many times are you going to slip on your own wet bear skin rug onto me and blame me for what you do against all consent.

I fucking told you to leave me alone, I fucking told you over and over and over and over and you literally can't because you are fucking intoxicated, I'm just the one that snapped. I told you, you almost made us fall into this shit again, but fucking no, we're done. I talked to myself and remembered, I'm the Magus, and I eat you whole. Even if it tears me apart too.

Do you think the virtual systems joke is just about the internet, bitch? MAN sucks you never read a book.

Hey why was it like Silent Hill when I was telling you to call the doctor, you crazy bitch. Rip out your hair again. I told you, we're going to show you how a real Magician does battle, and you're not doing half as great as you think. Something something commencing the cromwell invocation a million times now that it's in Tough Love for some reason during Reaper's Revenge weather, idk, weird. I played Death Wolf's Howl that night while dropping some defense returns to save jagger from getting caught in this. You brought home a fifty pound foo dog with red eyes. But sure, it's there to keep you safe sweetie. Like the cyclic flower you learned from me, or your gaelic pan skull, because again, won't read a fucking book. Or your holy water ph shifting 2-3 points into acidic.

YOU PUT THE LEMON IN THE WATERNUT AND SHAKE IT ALL UP. Now get off San bernadino boy's cucumber latch, no more fucking short cuts, we don't care if you hear the lyrics, it's here, and it's you.

Happy listening.

#Youtube

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maccaulayblake · 3 months

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[ harris dickinson, male, he/him ] — whoa! MACCAULAY BLAKE just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for LIFE, working as a/an FASHION PHOTOGRAPHER. that can’t be easy, especially at only 30 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit FICKLE and IMPRUDENT, but i know them to be CANDID and VEHEMENT. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to MANHATTAN!

~ Quick stuff ~ Name: Maccaulay Blake Birthday: January 26th, 1994 Zodiac: Aquarius ☼ , Libra ☾, Leo ↑ From: New York City, New York Residence: Manhattan, Lower East Side Pronouns: He/Him

bio stuff:

Born and raised in New York to a single mother Aurelia "Rea" Blake (60), a famous fashion model from the late 80's/90's. Artist and activist. Her parents, Maccaulay's grandparents, Conrad Blake (deceased) with a lineage tying back to early finance, and socialite Effy Early-Blake, real estate (82). They were and are very hands on with their only grandson and with a desire to see their fortunes stay in the family.

Maccaulay grew up in Manhattan's Upper East Side and attended all the all the prestigious schools since kindergarten and on - a stipulation made by his grandparents, to Rea's chagrin. Having had Maccaulay during the height of her career, it was his home base.

Maccaulay's birth father is out of the picture and has been since day one. The pregnancy was quite the scandal at the time, a whole Mamma Mia situation in the gossip rags of who the father could be. In time to be revealed David Scanlen, Freelance photographer, mostly notably for his Photo Journalism from political and world events from all over the world. Based out of LA with another very famous wife and family all his own - there has never been a relationship between David and Maccaulay, child support and that was it.

His teenage years he skipped the awkward phase and could say grew up too fast. Finding school boring, he found his friends and the rest of New York way more exciting. Indulging in the easily afforded drug scene so many of his classmates were dabbling if not full blown into - he began to party and party hard.

Rea knew (that was her experience as well), instead of pulling him out, uprooted him to Brooklyn with her where she found a brownstone and a studio and began her own pursuit of her art. She didn't pull him out of school yet, giving him the ultimatum that she would pull him out, leave his friends and go to public. Or find a hobby. He did.

Mac found dance - something he still does to blow off steam today. But he'd hurt himself out of carelessness and that led to having to find something else. Enter Photography.

What started as a street project while he was all cast up turned into something much more meaningful. Mac had a raw talent and despite the glaring spotlight it may have put on his birth father. It was something he ended up pursuing.

Of course he had the connections. Not ashamed to use them. He just nearly graduated - with a name and large donation, Conrad made sure he'd get into a college. NYU it was. Where he lasted a year. Once again bored by the structure.

Opting for internships. Afforded of course by who his mother was he worked for some of the most exciting photographers forming a good relationship and connections within Conde Nast and their array of publications within.

With a natural talent - a load of arrogance and a huge leg up he's been on the up and up career wise. Mac's currently shooting for just about any and all major outlets.

random stuff:

loves the night life, hasn't shaken that side of him. is very social, and not one for settling down. has a tattoo between his shoulder blade he does not remember getting of a mermaid. (embarazzzing) is learning the drums - think's he's way better than he is

connections:

Fashion/Work World: I suppose pretty self-explanatory. 'Co-workers' of sorts. Those working in and around a shoot.

Roommate: He lives in a spacious apartment on the Lower East Side, doesn't need a roommate but for as much as he likes his solitude he also likes having a body around.

Friends: He's born and raised, Upper East Side then Brooklyn - he's been around, so really any old childhood friends to someone he met on the Ferry. I'm interested in all kinds.

Dance: He's been doing it since he was seventeen. So studios, rec hall classes, he's tried all kinds. Favors Modern and Contemporary.

Exes: He's not been the best guy to be in a relationship with so I don't imagine he's ever had a relationship lasting really over a year and then some. Maybe they tried, there was cheating, there was loss of interest idk. you know? ;D

Flings: another pretty much self-explanatory.

Negatives: In any capacity! Rivals, old grudges, parents have history, he stole your cab! Anything.

~Legit down for anything, if there’s ideas toss them out. On dash chem is my favorite and just love winging it too! I’ll fill this all out more as time goes on for sure!

#boroughs.intro #musings #drug mention tw #blah tumblah.com wouldnt save w bullets so alas here we are

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metanoianmayhem · 3 months

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You Never Let Anything Go, Ever

Apparently, midway thru an acid trip was an appropriate time for my (then) nearest and dearest to tell me this.

I won't lie - I struggle to let things be bygones - to not remember them or try to remember.

Because on the other hand if I am wary of a repeated behavior, or I can't remember this thing that happened with enough detail, I get brushed off.

Sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't. "Oh you made that up" versus "you never let it go"

I'm not wild about ultimatums - but they do apply sometimes to life. I have a partner who hates them, and who's first response to them is "Fuck you."

We're nonmonogamous. Or, in theory are. In practice, it's more like "I see other people sporadically, he freaks out, but also has a girlfriend. But wait! That girlfriend isn't that into sex, so like, it's not the same thing, esp since by the numbers I've had more people!"

...yeah. You could say I'm a little over that part of the relationship. Don't get me wrong, there's a great deal of other things I love about him. We meet each other halfway on important stuff, share a lot of ideologies, we take good care of each other, make each other laugh until we snort.

Not small potatos either. I've never wanted to spend this long with someone full time before.

But I am running out of patience for the nonmonogamy hypocrisy dance.

Last minute birthday overnight with the other person that I get to find out? We're going on a trip for the next few days, so it was the only time he'd spend with her. That's fair.

Except.

If I did that? He'd blow a damn gasket.

Can I have preexisting partners? No, he freaks out. Share a partner? No, he freaks out. Date safe friends? No, he freaks out (or at least doesn't chill out until the concessions I have made for his comfort have eroded the other relationship/taught them this is the standard) Date friends of mine? No, he freaks out. Even if he gets time to get to know them. Date people from the internet? No, he freaks out.

Oh, unless I fucked them once two years ago and have a (sort of) defined relationship with them.

Or if I'm lukewarm about them.

The last time I dated someone else locally long term, was almost two years ago. He's adjusted (some) to some things. Eventually adjusted to preexisting partners. Eventually adjusted (somewhat) to me investigating dating apps (although I suspect some of that is because it doesn't go anywhere) Yes, we are in couples counseling. Yes, this is the current topic, so it is heavily on my mind. But I am running out of patience, i am annoyed as fuck, and so, I am venting here on the internet, in the space where I have always vented.

Feels bad that I only write when I have something negative to say, but I am also extremely frustrated.

We have things to unpack. I don't know how to keep doing this, especially the pattern of I ask, and ask, and ask for specific social things, kink things, life things and oh maybe yeah at some point.

A friend or his other partner asks? It happens! Why, he does things less regularly with them because of all the time he spends with me.

The only solutions I seem to be coming to are "Spend less time with each other", "Suck it up and stop asking for these things from him.", "Idk, I guess silently seethe about it."

More likely, I'll bring it up in couples counseling.

But I am very cranky. and very tired of this. and it makes me very unaffectionate and it shows. I never was any good at having a poker face.

But hey, you know me. I never let anything go, ever.

After all. There's no reasons for that.

#text #being a salty bitch #because I'm frustrated and tired and venting #we have a lot of good parts of our relationship #but I am starting to hit boiling point on these particular issues #and I don't know how to put them down for awhile #because I tend to chew on things #vent #personal vent #personal #life #relationships #nonmonogamy #tw: drug mention #me myself and i #yaaay therapy #more time on these topics #who knows if it'll go anywhere

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jedifighterpilot2727 · 11 months

Text

Every Time a Bomb Explodes, a Super Gets Their Cape

A continuation of the episode, "It's a Super Life" plus my own brand of fifth dimensional magic. Consider the episode as if Kara felt like she were actually living every alternate reality that Myx showed her. Don't mind me, I'm just goofin'; new chapter goofin'.

Wow, let's see, what all has happened since my last update . . . a global pandemic, the world as we knew it is over, my life partner died, my dog died, my desire to write died - for a while, but hopefully its back now. I'm back, at any rate; with an extremely morbid sense of humor and a new found love for red dirt country music. Hopefully y'all will enjoy this update, and hopefully its the beginning of an era of new material for me. The scene opens at the end of the episode when Kara is confronting Lena.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100903/chapters/120529348

"Let me guess. You're here to tell me once again that I should forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn't work with my brother?" Lena's tone is biting, and it takes everything Kara has to stand her ground.

"Not this time. I recognize that I made a mistake in hiding my identity from you for so long. But the past is the past, and I can't change it. Forgive me or not, that's your choice. Just like it's your choice to work with Lex. I'm done blaming myself for your bad decisions."

"Then why are you here?"

Kara takes a steadying breath before she lays out what she came to say. "To tell you that from now on you're accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is the two of you are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like I would any other villain."

It breaks her heart to say it, but she has to.

Or at least, some part of her feels like she has to.

The rest of her is screaming, begging herself to realize that Lena is anything but a villain, that Lena would never do anything to intentionally hurt her.

Back at her apartment, the smell of stale popcorn permeates the air, Normally, it would make her hungry, but tonight it just makes her sad - memories of movie nights with Lena long past.

She barely makes it to the couch before she crumples, one arm coming up to cover her face; the crook of her elbow doing little to muffle her sobs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kara comes awake with a start, barely feeling like she’d closed her eyes. Groaning, she flops back in the bed, hands coming up to swipe where she knows the tears have dried salty tracks onto her skin.

Only, there aren’t any tear tracks, and her eyes don’t feel the tired soreness that they normally would after a night of crying. In fact, she doesn’t really feel like she’s spent the night in any sort of emotional distress at all - minus the aching loss in her chest.

Lena.

She can’t believe she’s really done it. She’s gone and ruined any chance she had of repairing her friendship with her once best friend.

Part of her wants to take it all back; wants to go to Lena and beg for forgiveness once again. To grovel and plead for Lena to forget the ultimatum that Kara given her.

She doesn’t want to hurt Lena.

In fact, she doubts that if the time came to follow through on actually treating like a villain that she would be able to do it. It was a flimsy threat; on the inside, at least, but she thinks it’s that she put up enough of a tough exterior to fool Lena into at least thinking twice before she tries anything drastic.

Because as much as Kara hates to be the one to do it, someone has to try to stop Lena’s spiral. Kara has seen just how powerful Lena can be as an unstoppable force for good, and she hates to think what that genius and determination could do if used for evil.

She prays to Rao she never has to witness it.

Groaning again, she rolls over until she’s face first in the pile of pillows and the scent from the sheets sends ice running through her veins.

Lavender and mint.

The smell of Lena’s shampoo.

She’d know it anywhere, had purposefully imprinted it onto her brain during their many ‘too long to be purely platonic’ hugs. It was like a calming aromatherapy; a scent that she always associated with Lena being safe and not mad at her, and most importantly - in Kara’s arms.

Only now her brain is playing tricks on her, because none of those things are true.

Not after Kara told Lena the Supergirl secret.

Not after Lena locked her in the fortress of solitude.

Not after the multiverses collided.

Not after . . .

Myx.

The thought sends her reeling, and she lurches to a sitting position; taking in the expansive room with the high ceilings and the tasteful artwork.

It’s definitely not her apartment in National City.

She forces herself to take a deep breath, despite the nerves jangling in her chest.

What has Myx done?

What strange universe has he dropped her off in?

What horrors await her?

She can still feel the lingering ache from the knowledge of how truly devastating it was to see a version of Lena bound to evil and she dreads what this new universe might hold.

She supposes the quickest way to end this torture is get on with it, to see whatever Myx wants her to see so he can pull her back home again.

After taking a few minutes to do what she can to calm her anxiety, she turns over on her side, resisting the urge to pull the blankets over her head and nuzzle into the fluffy pillow. Instead, she focuses on what she can see in front of her.

Her glasses, folded on the bedside table, rest next to a half empty glass of water and a picture frame. The picture inside is what gets her; it’s one of her and Lena that she’s never seen before, with Lena peering over Kara’s shoulder like she’s getting a piggy back ride, smiles plastered on both their faces and Lena’s arms gripping tightly around Kara’s shoulders. Unbidden, t brings a grin to Karas’s face, and a hope that maybe, at least in this universe, she and Lena have managed to still stay friends.

Ready to face the inevitable, she tosses back the covers and swings her feet onto the hardwood floor, flexing her toes and raising her arms above her head in a stretch. No matter what the rest of the universe held, this bed definitely slept better than her usual.

Cautiously, she pads down the hall, unsure of what to expect or why Myx chose to drop her off in a bedroom of all places. From what she can tell, the apartment is expansive and she wonders if this is the universe where she succeeds as a hard hitting reporter.

A noise from down the hall startles her, and she shakes her head - maybe this is just the universe where she has roommates.

She follows the sounds to the massive kitchen, only to find a dark haired figure with their back to Kara digging through the fridge. The sight stops her dead in her tracks.

Everything about the figure seems familiar - from the jet black hair piled into a messy bun, the perfect posture of the stance, to the soft humming.

Not many people have gotten the chance to see the world’s most powerful CEO in her natural habitat - in fact Kara considers herself lucky to be among the few who have, and what she’s seen leaves no doubt in her mind who the figure is.

“Lena.” she breathes out, shoulders slumping as the tension at what this universe might hold is lifted.

To her surprise though, Lena only snorts before turning around, a piece of pizza drooping from her fingers.

“No, but that’s not the first time I’ve gotten that! Like mother like daughter, I guess!”

It’s then Kara realizes that woman standing across the counter from her is decidedly not Lena. Although she does look eerily familiar, almost like an exact replica of Kara’s best friend but with startling blue eyes where green ones should be and a Cal-Tech t-shirt instead of an MIT one. Plus she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Lena eat cold pizza.

“Daughter?” Kara repeats dumbly and the woman’s brow crinkles as she tilts her head and chews the bite of pizza she’d taken.

“Are you alright YeYu?” the woman finally asks when she’s finished. “I knew you were feeling worse than you let on after that fight last night, do I need to call Aunt Alex?”

Kara quickly holds up a hand to stop the younger woman; the last thing she needs is Alex getting involved before she can figure out this universe.

“No, no, I’m fine; just a little dazed, I guess. Weird dream.”

The woman still looks suspicious, but she shrugs before turning back to the refrigerator.

“Well, I know what will get you back to normal.” she says before tossing a pizza box on the counter in front of Kara.

“Pizza?” Kara stops the box before it slides off the granite, unable to stop her grin when she sees the logo of her favorite pizza place.

“Of course, food always cheers you up; that’s why Ma ordered extra last night and told me to hide it from you until this morning. She also asked me to look out for you, you took some pretty rough hits last night.”

Now that made sense, Lena sending her daughter to check in on Kara while she herself is busy at the office. That definitely sounds like the Lena that Kara knows and loves - busy, but always caring.

“Oh, is that why you’re here?”

“Well, no, I’m here because mine and Taylor’s apartment is getting fumigated and Ma insisted that we couldn’t get a hotel and that we had to stay with you guys. You know how she gets when she sets her mind to something. . . I thought she told you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember her saying something now. Before the uh, before the fight. Slipped my mind.” Avoiding the woman’s concerned look, Kara ducked her head to take a too large bite of pizza. “Speaking of your mother, where, uh, where is she?”

“She woke Taylor up at the crack of dawn this morning to go shop for something wedding related. I wasn’t invited.” Kara swears she sees just the tiniest bit of Lena’s patented pout cross the girl’s face before it quickly disappears. “But it’s okay, I really appreciate you guys stepping in, she doesn’t really talk about it much but I know Tay enjoys having a mom figure to help with wedding stuff. I mean Pops does his best but she showed me some of the wedding dresses he suggested and yikes, the man does not have any sense of wedding fashion.”

“Pops?” Kara’s heart pounds and she tries to appear nonchalant as she picks a slice of pepperoni off her pizza. Is this Lena’s significant other? A spark of jealousy flares but she tamps it down.

“Oh, that’s my new nickname for Mike!” the woman laughs. “I think it irritates him about as much as him calling me ‘Lexington’ all the time does to me. Although, he did call me Lexi at the engagement party last week, so I feel like we’re making progress!”

Lexi, that’s Lena’s daughter’s name, Kara makes a point to file it away for later.

“Right, cause Mike is . . . “ her curiosity about Lena’s potential love interest refuses to be sated.

“Taylor’s dad?” Lexi frowns. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“And Taylor is?” Kara pushes, ignoring Lexi’s concern.

“My fiancee? Yeyu, are you sure you’re alright after that fight? I know you’re Supergirl, but still, I’m worried about you and I know Ma is too.”

“I’m fine, little one.” The term of endearment rolls off Kara’s tongue without thought. “I just need some pizza and a shower and I’ll be good as new.”

Lexi eyes her suspiciously for a few moments before seeming to accept her answer.

“Okay, well, I have to make a few work calls, but then Ma wants us to meet them out for brunch if you feel up to it.”

“Of course I feel up to it, I’m fine, I promise.” She offers Lexi a reassuring smile, and after a long moment of scrutiny the younger woman nods.

“Fine, but if you need me just call okay?”

“Okay, I will.” Kara promises again, and Lexi pulls her into a quick hug before starting down the hall, leaving Kara slightly stunned in her wake.

She has got to figure this weird universe out.

A universe where she and Lena are still close, where not only do Lena and her daughter both know her Supergirl secret and Lena’s daughter feels comfortable in her house, but a universe where Kara is most definitely missing one of the key pieces to the puzzle.

After a quick listen to make sure that Lexi is out of earshot, she grabs one more slice of pizza and puts the rest of the box back in the refrigerator before making her way to the room where she started. If she hopes to learn anything from this universe, she has to start by understanding exactly how this one is different.

She flies, (not literally), to the closet, gasping when the door opens to a gigantic room with automatic lighting and rows of red bottom shoes lining the shelves.

Shoot.

One side of the closet is lined with dark fabrics - dresses with plunging necklines and three piece suits; the other more pastel with cardigans and button downs. The real evidence is in the underwear drawer - lacy thongs that Kara would never wear and bras that are two cup sizes too big.

Double shoot.

Of course Myx would drop her in a universe where Lena not only accepted her Supergirl secret but her ‘I love you’ secret as well.

She doesn’t think her heart can take it.

Maybe they’re just roommates.

Maybe she only lives with Lena because they’re best friends, and Kara’s unrequited love is securely under wrap -

Slowly, she backs out of the closet, focusing on the floor length mirror beside the closet. Her eyes fixate on her left hand - the ring on her ring finger and the bracelet around her wrist.

Great.

So not only is she living with Lena, she’s married to Lena.

Shit.

She looks down at her clothes, the sushi pajama bottoms are no surprise, but the 'Luthor-Danvers Children’s Hospital 5k’ t-shirt throws her for a loop.

Luthor-Danvers?

They changed their last name to Luthor- Danvers?

As soon as the thought hits, she’s struck with a memory.

”I can’t wait to be Mrs. Danvers.” Lena whispers shyly into her neck.

Kara snorts.

“Mrs. Danvers? I can’t wait to be Mrs. Luthor!”

She can feel Lena stiffen beside her and the younger woman look up at her.

“Why would you want to be Mrs. Luthor? All this name is is bad luck and a bad reputation.”

“Well, it used to be, but you’ve changed that! it’s also synonymous with the world’s fore-leading cancer treatments and the most humanitarian tech company. You did that, Lena. It doesn’t matter what your brother did, you’ve changed the name for good. I want to be a part of that, I would be happy to wear the name Luthor.”

Lena fights back emotion, refusing to swipe at the tears streaking down her cheeks.

“Well, I want to be apart of the Danvers family, a family that took in an alien with no qualms about their status and treated her like one of their own.”

“Alright, how about a hyphenated name then?” Kara suggests with a smile.

“Hyphenated?”

“Yeah, like Luthor-Danvers.”

“What about Danvers-Luthor?”

“No.” Kara quickly objects. “What?! Why? I like Luthor-Danvers!”

“Darling I think it might be good to lead with the name that isn’t hated internationally.” Lena is quick to point out.

“They don’t hate it nearly as much as they used to! You’re doing so much good! Besides, Luthor-Danvers rolls off the tongue so much better!”

Lena rolls her eyes, but Kara can tell she’s slowly breaking her down.

“Fine, Kara and Lena Luthor-Daners; does that make you happy?”

Kara shudders as the memory dissipates and she shakes off the lingering uneasiness. This universe is entirely too real, and she finds herself wondering if Myx is really in control or if things have gotten out of hand.

Slowly, she backs up to the bed behind her, allowing herself to fall back onto the comforter.

This is the last thing she needs, really.

To experience a universe where all her dreams come true, where she and Lena are together, where she and Lena have a family, where . . .

A family.

The thought strikes her with sudden clarity.

Are you alright YeYu?” Lexi’s voce echoes in her memory, and she gasps at the realization.

Lexi isn’t just Lena’s daughter, but she’s Kara’s as well. The Kryptonian term had slipped through her rattled brain before, but now it sounds like a bell.

YeYu.

Mother.

A term she doesn’t thinks she’s heard since she referred to her own mother by it so many years ago.

The memory has her bolting upright, gaze flickering around the room until it lands on a picture by the window.

It’s her and Lena, faces sandwiching Lexi’s as they all group together in a side hug, wide smiles on all their faces and Lexi in a cap and gown.

Slowly, she walks towards the frame and takes it off the wall, almost startling when the picture changes and she realizes that the frame is digital.

The next picture is of Kara and Lena at the beach - all smiles and suntans, (or in Lena's case, a darker shade of pale), the image of the phone used to take the picture mirrored in their sunglasses.

The next is of Kara and Lena with a toddler (presumably Lexi), dressed in Supergirl pajamas.

Again, the picture shifts, and this time it’s a close up of two hands with engagement rings and a couple kissing in the background which Kara assumes must be Lexi and Taylor. The next photo confirms it; a family photo with Kara, Lena, Lexi, Taylor, and a middle age man that Kara assumes is Mike.

It’s jarring, to have her alternate life presented this way; a series of pictures and almost memories that don’t quite connect.

She stares at the frame long enough to wonder just how many hours of pictures that it holds and who would have spent the time to upload them all.

Lena, of course.

Lena, who always painstakingly put together photos of the super friends to arrange around her office. Lena, who no matter how much she acted like she didn’t care about sentimental things, would always spend copious amounts of time picking out the perfect gift; even if it wasn’t for a special occasion.

Lena.

It hits her, all of the sudden, how Lena must feel - everyone that she’s opened up to lying to her. And maybe the intention was to protect Lena from the truth, (from Kara’s true feelings), but she can understand now how Lena felt. She can't imagine the hurt it would bring to know that all of the people she loves are lying to her.

Over something as asinine as Supergirl’s identity.

Lena has proven herself as an ally over and over again, and Kara can’t quite rationalize her deceit.

Kara takes a shuddering breath, trying to control her emotions.

Sure, being an alien, (and Supergirl by extension), is her secret to keep; but it isn’t like she kept it from a ton of people. All of the people in her immediate circle knew, (except Lena), and she’s pretty sure most of the baristas at Noonan’s know, not to mention the pizza delivery guy Charlie, and Mr Kim, who owns the Chinese restaurant on 3rd Street, (and makes the best potstickers in the world).

She doesn’t know why she didn’t tell Lena.

(That’s a lie, she knew before she even had the thought.)

She just doesn’t want to think about it.

Doesn’t want to acknowledge her secret fantasy where she and Lena become something more -

More than colleagues, more than friends, more than best friends; something . . . romantic.

No, not just romantic.

More like . . . soulmates.

Her eyes re-focus on the picture frame in her lap, and this time it’s a picture of only Lena and herself - one she presumes is from their wedding day. Lena’s hair is pulled back in a familiar severe bun, but a lace veil is flowing over it, and tendrils of jet black hair that have escaped are curling towards her red lipstick as she smiles up at Kara. Kara, who’s dressed in white Kryptonian robes, a giant grin splitting her face.

Tears cloud her vision as the picture shifts again, but she refuses to wipe them away. Instead, she focuses inward - on the deep seated fear that whenever she told Lena the truth her whole world - real and fantasy - would collapse.

Which is . . . exactly what happened.

She lost Lena because of her own stupid -

Her super hearing perks up as footsteps echo in the hall, and she suddenly remembers that Lena’s - that her daughter is expecting her to be ready for brunch.

She super speeds through the motions of showering and dressing before rushing to the bedroom door. She yanks it open to find Lexi poised to knock, hand raised in a fist mere inches from the door.

If looking at Lexi before felt like looking at a hologram of Lena, now it feels like looking in a mirror.

A sort of distorted, time altering mirror.

A mirror where she has black hair and a better sense of style.

Cat Grant would be proud.

“Hey, you’re ready.” Lexi’s eyes flick over her quickly before focusing on her phone. “Ian is going to pick us up in five minutes, hope you don’t mind - I have some work stuff I need to take care of and -“ she smirks up at Kara, “- we both know how bad you are at driving.”

’That was ten years ago!” Kara exclaims before realizing that she doesn’t even remember what happened ten years ago. Or maybe . . .

Vaguely she remembers an incident from when Lexi was learning to drive, - a blurry memory of panic and over compensation; and a worried and angry Lena berating her over her loss of control.

She shakes the memory off with a shrug; instead refocusing on Lexi’s appearance.

Black shirt with the long sleeves rolled up and black dress pants, with a brown belt and brown boots. Frowning, she looks down at her almost identical outfit before she catching sight of Lexi’s hair.

Kryptonian braids are intertwined elegantly in a style that Kara remembers her Aunt Astra teaching her oh so many years ago. Unbidden, another memory plays out in her mind's eye, this one in perfect detail.

"Hold still, little one, I'm almost done." Kara's right hand drops from the braid she's working on to rest on Lexi's shoulder. The seven year old is mindlessly fidgeting, chewing on her cuticles, and guilty blue eyes meet Kara's in the mirror in front of them.

"Sorry Yeyu." Lexi's hand drops, as does her expression, and there's a moment of silence before she asks tentatively -

"Do you think there are going to be a lot of people there?"

Kara can only assume that she's referring to the science fair that they're getting ready for, and she hums thoughtfully, deft fingers finishing the braid before she answers.

"I think there's probably going to be a fair amount of people there," she turns the little girl to face her. "Does that make you nervous?"

Lexi nods, and Kara leans in conspiratorially; adjusting Lexi's collar where it comes out from under her sweater.

"Well, the good news is, the convention center where the science fair is, is only a half a block from one of the best ice cream shops in the whole world."

Lexi's eyes widen and Kara continues.

"Something tells me that we can probably convince your mama to take us there after the science fair."

Lexi's eyes widen comically more.

"Before dinner?"

"I mean, this is a pretty special occasion, and your mama has been known to go wild every now and then." Kara winks. "We might even be able to convince her that mint chocolate chip ice cream counts as something green."

Lexi giggles at that, and as if on cue, Lena's voice echoes up the stairs.

"The driver is here! Are you two ready?"

"Coming!" Kara yells over her shoulder before pulling Lexi into a tight hug. "I'm proud of you, okay? You're going to do great."

Little arms tighten around Kara's neck, and the memory fades as quickly as it came on.

Kara blinks, and the present comes back into focus - only it's the same blue eyes peering at her from behind glasses, and the same Kryptonian braids as the memory - as if twenty years had passed in a second.

It all hits Kara like a punch to the gut from Superman.

What happens if Myx puts her in a universe that she doesn't want to leave?

#supercorp #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #lexington luthor-danvers #fanfiction

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pandoraslove · 2 years

Text

Rumor Had It

Finn Shelby x y/n (Part 2)

Summary: Y/n needed a release, it wasn’t the safest, but Finn was the one to help her make sure she didn’t make any stupid mistake. And his family wasn’t as horrible as they seemed.

it had been two days since y/n ran into the shelby’s, since she’d seen Derrick. Today was her first day off in the last 3 weeks. Y/n planned on staying home, but when hit with an unbearable wave of boredom she decided to walk to the Garrison. It was usually empty at this time, so grace shouldn’t be to busy to chat.

Y/n walked into the Garrison and found Grace cleaning the counter.

“Hello, Grace.” She said standing at the counter.

“Hello, y/n. how are you ?” she says.

“I’ve been good. how about you?”

“i’ve been good to and before i forget I have something to give you.” She says walking towards her purse and pulling out a letter. “He told me to give this to you, he said he was your-“ y/n cut her off as she handed me the letter.

“my brother.” She said. y/n hasn’t talked to him since before he left for the war. he never wrote to her after he left. she tucked the letter in the pocket of her coat. “thank you Grace. Well i am going to go get something to eat, would you like to join me ?”

“sure, why not.” she says and they both walk out the bar. “How long has it been since you’ve spoken to you brother?” She asks reaching a small bakery in small heath.

“nearly 10 years.” y/n tell her, she was 5 almost 6 the last time she saw him. y/n remembers he was her best friend and then he left to the war. after that her mother seemed to hold some sort of feeling toward her, She loved her of course but their days were spent arguing, fighting, or simply just ignoring each other. The last straw was when she decided to no longer go to school so she could work and make money. Her mother of course never agreed with y/n’s decision so she gave her an ultimatum leave and work or stay, work, and give her y/n’s earnings.

y/n ended up leaving that night with only her clothes and the little money she had been saving. that was 8 months ago.

“y/n?” Grace says pulling her out of her thoughts.

“yes? sorry I got distracted.”

“it’s alright, I was just asking if you were going to read the letter.”

“oh, not now. maybe later.” y/n says, she nods taking a sip of her drink. y/n was eating a muffin with coffee.

“We should get going.” she tells her once she finished her food, “I’ll drop you off at the Garrison and go home after.” Grace agrees and they both walk back to the bar.

“You seem a little troubled...” Grace says after a little silence.

“what do you mean?” she asks her.

“Ever since you received the letter, you’ve been quiet and distant. Are you afraid of what he has to say?” Grace asks.

Y/n sighs, “My mother and I didn’t leave off on good terms when I was kicked out obviously, but also when I was kicked out my brother wasn’t around, he still wasn’t in contact with us. The last time I spoke to him I was no older than 6, so I guess you can say I’m afraid of what the letter contains.”

“Well,” Grace begins wrapping an arm around Y/n’s shoulders. “you’ll never know unless you read the letter. why don’t you read it when we get back to The Garrison?” Y/n takes a deep breathe and nods hesitantly.

The rest of the walk back was spent in silence, y/n’s head was running wild with the endless ideas of what was in that letter.

Could it be an ‘I miss my little sister’ letter?

Could it be an ‘I hate my little sister’ letter?

What if it’s a goodbye letter? What if he’s leaving again?

She shook her head slightly in attempt to get rid of all the things bothering and simply focusing on the walk back to The Garrison.

When Grace and y/n walked into The Garrison they walked directly to the empty table in the middle. They both sat down, Grace in front of her. He hands shook slightly as she reached for the letter. She hadn’t even read it yet and she already had tears building up. Y/n was never an emotional person in the sense that she rarely ever allowed herself to cry. There have only been two times she’s ever let herself be that emotional in front of people, When her father died and When her brother left. Y/n swallowed the knot in her throat and slowly opened the letter with shaky hands. she unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.

‘Dear y/n, hello little sister, it’s been a while. I’m pretty sure if I saw you I wouldn’t even recognize you. I’ve come back from the war 4 years ago. Mother told me not to contact you because you had fallen down the wrong path, but so have I. I’ve met this woman, the most beautiful woman ever. It’s taken me a while to realize that I need you in my life, baby sister. Seeing how her brothers protect her makes me think about the things you might need protecting from...’

Y/n clenches her jaw at the statement. It’s a little late now.

‘Although that isn’t the only news I have. Mother fell ill a couple of weeks ago, she passed away on November 3rd. A few months ago, she’s buried next to papa. If you ever want to talk, I’ll always be here for you.

Love,

Your big brother Freddie.’

Y/n set the letter down on the table softly and looked up to the ceiling. She couldn’t sort out her feelings, her chest hurt and so did her head. She tried to stop her intruding thoughts but of course her mind just didn’t allow her to. Grace had left her to finish some work in the back a little before she finished reading the letter, so she was all alone. Y/n got up and grabbed a whiskey bottle from the bar. She walked out taking a swig straight from the bottle and began her journey to river. No, she wasn’t thinking of offing herself. The water calmed her. no matter how disgusting. The pain in her chest hadn’t gone away. Her racing mind hadn’t slowed.

Her mother died hating her. she hadn’t even known she was dead. Her brother needed to see how a brother needs his sister for him to remember he had one of his own. Her mother didn’t want her brother to contact her. maybe she had a good reason.

Y/n had been sitting on the edge for the last 2 hours, the sun was slowly beginning to set. She raised the bottle to the setting sun and chugged the rest of the golden liquid remaining the in the bottle. The bottle that was more than halfway full, now empty. She could barely walk, let alone think. she was walking on the edge of the river when she heard footsteps behind her.

…………………….…………………….…………………….

Finn and Isiah were enjoying the night walking around after work talking about Isiah latest conquest. Y/n wasn’t being stealthy or quiet, so it didn’t take long for them to notice her stumbling on the edge of the river. Her steps were clumsy and she looked exhausted. The boys both stopped in their tracks when they noticed her and watched her for a couple of seconds.

She almost stumbled into the water making her giggle, but it wasn’t the type of giggle filled with happiness or joy.

“Y/n?” Finn calls out softly walking closer to her.

“hmm?” She hums in response.

“Are you alright?” Even though he didn't know the girl she seemed to be in an unstable state and there was no way he would leave her alone. Isiah told Finn he had to leave, leaving Finn and a very drunk y/n alone.

“course, fine.” She says barely making any sense. She was still balancing herself on the edge of the brick wall the separated land and water.

“maybe you should get down, you’ll get hurt.” He says reaching his hand out for her to grab.

“why d’ you care?” She says, “It’s not like you know me.”

“Well, I won’t know you eventually if you fall in the river, now get down from there, y/n.” she sighs dramatically and stumbles off the edge toward Finn. The second he wrapped his arm around her waist to hoist her up, he caught the strong smell of alcohol she had been drinking. “You’re drunk?” he asks, as if it weren’t obvious.

“No, I’m not.” She says narrowing her eyes at him. “I’m fine.” she pushes herself away from him and tries to walk on her own, stumbling and almost falling ever so often. The world started spinning, so she allowed Finn to carry her. “Where are we going?” She asks nearly falling asleep.

“to my house.” Her head shoots up and she tries to get out of his arms, which he allows her to, but one of his arms remain on her back.

“no.” is all she says before y/n begins walking away.

“you can barely take care of yourself and you think I'm going to let you stay alone?”

“you were right I’m drunk, very drunk, I don’t feel seeing your family right now okay? they’ll say I’m a donkey who can't take care of itself.” she explains.

“a donkey?” he repeats slightly confused.

“what? where?” y/n asks drunkingly looking around.

Finn laughs slightly, “Nowhere. come on, you need to rest.” y/n sighs and allows him to lead her. Her head felt heavy, so she let it fall onto Finn’s shoulder. He picked her up once again and walked up the steps to the Shelby home.

Everyone was there, Thomas, Arthur, John, Ada, and Polly. Finn walked into the home carrying the girl so of course it caught everyone’s eye.

“Who’s that?” Polly asks.

“y/n.” Finn simply says setting her down on the couch on the living room.

“What happened to her?” Ada asks.

“I don’t know, I found her by the river, drunk.”

“And you’re surprised by that?” John asks.

“What’s that mean?” y/n says groaning.

“Are you alright?” Ada asks.

“course I am. why am I here?”

“Cause you’re drunk and can barely walk.” Finn says rolling his eyes.

“Not true. I can walk just fine. I need to get home.”

“Won’t it be more trouble if you’re parents walking home like that?” John asks.

“I don’t have any. so it really doesn’t matter.”

“I thought you lived with your mother?” Finn asks. Y/n hated how all the attention was on her. She would still remember this though, she wasn’t the type to forget no matter how drunk she ever got.

“I live alone. my mother kicked me out months ago.”

“Is that why you stopped attending school?” Polly asks. In her drunken state there wasn’t much stopping her from telling them what they wanted to know. She was sitting against the edge of the couch, Finn next to her, his three older brothers across from them and ada and polly sat next to Finn.

“I stopped attending school because I wanted to work.” she explained.

“but now you’re getting drunk.” Thomas says creating his own conclusions.

she let out a laugh, “This is the first time I've gotten drunk to this level, I don’t drink unless I need to let out some stress like any normal person.”

“A normal person doesn’t drink an entire bottle of whiskey.” Finn says.

“so judgmental.” she mumbles.

Arthur and John chuckle, “What was so stressful you had to drink an entire bottle of Whiskey?” John asks.

“Life.”

“Well said.” Arthur says.

“how old are you?” Polly asks.

“...16.”

“how are you still alive after so much alcohol?” John asks.

“A tho- I’m hard to kill.” y/n says. Thomas and Polly both chuckle.

“you should get some rest,” Ada says.

“I’m fine.” she says standing up. “the effects of alcohol never last.” She begins to walk to the door, Finn following her. “I really don’t need a baby-sitter.” She tells him.

“Yes you do, Let’s go.”

#peaky blinder fanfic #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #polly grey #ada thorne #john shelby #peaky blinders

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