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#this whole thing has been a journey let me tell you
novabl · 17 hours
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Yashiro And Doumeki: Chapter 58
With this chapter, I think a lot of us are feeling very bad for Yashiro. He seems so hurt by what Doumeki is doing. Typically, I make posts trying to defend Doumeki or look at things from his pov but I wanted to try to take into account both of their feelings and thought processes for this chapter because honestly I think they’re both feeling terrible about this whole fuckbuddy situation. Side note: I know some people don’t like the word fuckbuddy for their situation but Idk how else to refer to it. They’re not together but I know they’re in love and my use of the word fuckbuddy isn’t intended to diminish their relationship in any way.
I’ll start with my thoughts on Doumeki. There is a reason I make sure to emphasize that a lot of our analysis on Doumeki is based on interpretation and not necessarily how he really feels. If you have the opinion that Doumeki is planning and making moves with the endgoal of being with Yashiro, this whole situation where he has sex with Yashiro and leaves makes him look like a real asshole. I think it is easier to think that Doumeki is doing okay because he doesn’t really express that he is not. Compared to Yashiro, he seems better adjusted and since we don’t see his thoughts it is easier to assume he is less affected by all of this than Yashiro is. But I think we need to recall what Yashiro used to tell Doumeki. He used to say that he doesn’t think he can have romantic relationships and that he is only interested in sex. Doumeki seems to have taken that to heart as well as the fact that he doesn’t know that Yashiro has moved on from Kage and is no longer in love with him. Doumeki seems to think that Yashiro didn’t value the moments they had outside of sex because honestly that hasn’t been shown to him. I think we can sometimes underestimate the amount of pain he went through when Yashiro kicked him out. I think Doumeki is having sex with Yashiro because he wants to have some kind of a relationship with him and he is also HOPING that having sex with him will keep Yashiro from seeking out sex with others partly due to jealousy and partly to keep Yashiro safe since sex is a self destructive behavior for him. I emphasize hoping because he is not forcing Yashiro to be with him nor is he constantly hovering around to make sure that he doesn’t go to Inami or anyone else. He is giving Yashiro space while trying to satisfy something Yashiro claims he needs. The emphasis has always been on Yashiro’s pleasure because Doumeki still has his own issues on sex. Doumeki doesn’t want just sex but he feels that he has no other option. He also seems to be repeating the behavior of leaving because that is what he seems to think Yashiro wants based on volume 5.
As for Yashiro, we can see that he is deeply affected and saddened by this change in their dynamic. But when looking at the conversation of Yashiro’s flashback, I think he feels betrayed as well. The last page is amazingly done with the rain almost symbolizing his tears but his mouth seemed both angry and sad to me. I shared the page of Doumeki answering Yashiro and letting him know that Yashiro was different from others because it stands out to me more in comparison to the moment where Yashiro rips off the bandaid. Doumeki told him he was special but then seemingly is with Izumi and treating Yashiro like everyone else does? Doumeki’s words must feel like a lie. I think this feels different from Kage’s rejection not just because he loves Doumeki more but because Doumeki made him feel special only for him to act like he didn’t mean any of it. It isn’t very rational of Yashiro considering everything but both get blinded by emotion. At the end of the day, they’re both very hurt and acting in ways they think the other wants but it is important to keep in mind that both agreed to this kind of relationship. I feel that Yashiro will end up giving in but I also think he has a separate journey to go through before he can be truly with Doumeki that I may write about in a separate post.
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pepprs · 2 years
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ok um. literally fucking pain and suffering. mutuals i need ur advice vote now on your phones 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#so we walked and talked and it was literaly the most non conversational conversation ive ever had i think. probably not ever had but it was#up there. AND ITS MY FUCKING FAULT because i dodged the bullet LITERALY right out the gate. she asked how are you feeling and i couldve#fucking talked about like… her leaving but instead i just started talking abt being in THSI new position which maybe she might’ve asked#specifically how are you feeling abt this new position but i forget lol. but that’s the route i took and never ONCE did i say like… from#literally DAY ONE my entire tenure as coordinator has been skewered by your sudden decision to depart this organization and ABANDON US AWLL!#and i told her a little bit abt the stuff i have to do and she was telling me abt like.. how to navigate that and then i asked how she was#feeling and… we spent the whole rest of the convo there LMAOOOO bc it was just abt how daunted she is by everything she has to do in her new#position but also being excited abt it and looking forward to the adventure. and i just had no idea what to say to any of it so ijust kept#asking lame questions and giving these like fucking weak reassurances that she would figure everything out and stuff. but she was going into#like intricate detail abt it which is fine! like im happy to hear abt it and i want to know and im glad she’s telling me. but i wanted to#talk abt how this has been like… painful? and we just literally like.. with the occasion of maybe 2 things that didn’t even rly count that#much. like we just didn’t talk abt it. i didn’t even say i’ll miss you or like anything like that. and the one thing i was rly hoping to get#out of this convo (basically like… ensuring that we will stay in each other’s lives despite this) kinda happened but it was so like.. idk#she was just like rly casually / lightly you can come visit me on the shuttle any time. but againwe were kinda saying it jokingly / lightly#and nothing abt it was like rly sincerely like… i care about you. you mean a lot to me. this journey we have been on has mattered so much. a#and it is ending in some ways but not in all ways and let’s work together to make sure it won’t end. that’s what i wanted. and instead we#had like 3 excruciatingly awkward silences and ended litsdally at 5pm on the dot and that part is to be expected but the silences sucked. i#only have one more chance to see her (technically 2 but i don’t think it would be fair for me to take that second one so i won’t) and i know#i can write her a card saying some of THSI stuff and i will but also like.. i want and need to say it to her face and hear her say in real#time that like. seriously this has meant a lot and we will stay connected. and i need to tell her how much she has meant to me bc i don’t#think she knows. so what i want advice on is like.. do i just say it in a card or do i ask her to do a phone call or virtual meeting or#something for literally 10-15 minutes at the very end of the day just to say that. idk. like what do u think seriously i know it’s cringe b#but this is like one of the most important people in my whole life and we don’t have the relationship i want us to and i know we never will#but i at least want to tell her how much i care about her and like affirm that we will still be bound by some cosmic whatever and in each#others lives. idk. lol. im trying so hard not to cry it’s rly hard to think bc im at the dinner table lol. but what do u think. just say it#in the card or do i ask her to talk for a little while longer just to say it and not chicken out this time. i hate being socially inept LOL#purrs#delete later#it’s also not entirely my fucking fault. like she just doesn’t.. she doesn’t go there. at least not with me.and im so frustrated and sad LOL
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gyu-effect · 5 months
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i’ll marry you with paper rings || k.mg
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“AND I’LL MARRY YOU EVEN WITH PAPER RINGS”
PAIRING || Mingyu x Female Reader
GENRES || Best Friends To Lovers AU, Fluff, Angst, Childhood Friends To Lovers AU, Slow Burn, Love Triangle (not exactly), Marriage Pact AU, Humour
SUMMARY || When the two of you were little, you and Mingyu had made a marriage pact, agreeing to marry each other if both of you remained single till thirty. Of course, it was just a joke between the two of you and you both went about in your own ways, the silly promise pretty much forgotten. You soon had a huge list of ex-boyfriends and it became a routine for Mingyu to be your human tissue after each breakup. It was a tiresome job, taking care of you, but if the said best friend in love with you didn’t do it, who would?  
Or, in which, even twenty years later, Kim Mingyu finds himself running to your every beck and call, despite telling himself he won’t fall for you anymore.  
WARNINGS || minors dni, swearing lots of swearing, alcohol consumption, wonwoo is an ass (sometimes), mingyu’s friend circle bullies him because what even is new, reader has a obsessive ex, down bad gyu (and yes this is a warning), switch!mingyu, switch!reader, soft sex its more of making love so there aren’t really any dynamics, unprotected sex (do not do this), pet names for both (love, baby, angel, princess, sir), riding, sofa sex. [let me know if i missed anything pls]
WORD COUNT || 28.3k (what happened here-)
A/N || OMG ITS FINALLY HERE. AFTER 8 MONTHS OF TURMOIL, 8 MONTHS OF HATING IT AND LOVING IT, HAVING A WRITERS BLOCK AND CRYING OVER IT ITS FINALLY HERE. This was a huuuuge journey to write this and I hope you guys enjoy it because this fic is truly my baby that I raised. Special thanks to @wonumatics for helping me with the fic (and also making a cameo) and @thepoopdokyeomtouched​ .
TAGLIST || @alyssng​ @shiningstar-byulxx​ @ashkuuuu​ @venusprada​ @macaronihaha​ @jyiiscool​ @sanniekook​ @obaebarbs​ @springdaybreaks​ @just-here-to-read-01​ @hoshipills​ @jhornytrash​ @jeonnyread​ @zgzgzh​ @neuviloved​ @hoeforcheol​ @sahazzy​ @lightprincess-world​ @watermelon-sugars-things​ @idubutily​ @meowmeowminnie​ ​@raindroponme-onme @nishloves​ @cosmic-w0lf​ @gyulfriend​ @youre-on-your-ownkid​ @neocarat17 @bias-recs​ @bmkgemz​ @fragmentof-indifference​ @peachytokki @hanicore​ @winterbeartaehyungbestboy​ @toshijimafarms​ @hyneyedfiz​ @weebotakuboy​ @angelfeverdream​ @aaniag​ @thepoopdokyeomtouched​ @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts​ @sea-moon-star​ @jjeongddol​ @k-drama-adict​ @mnstxmnbb​ [if you want to be added to my taglist please fill in this form!]
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𝐎𝐍𝐄. 𝐏𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒
“Mingoo.”
The boy ignored your words as he continued with his drawing, hoping you would stop calling him and get back to your own work. The two of you had been drawing and colouring since morning so it wasn’t really surprising to him that you were already bored, but his art teacher had claimed that he wouldn’t be able to draw well since he was left-handed and he was determined to prove her wrong. 
“Mingoo. Mingoo! Look at me!”
‘Mingoo’ looked exasperatedly at you, clearly unamused by your antics. You had placed the entire colour pencil box on your head, balancing it as you tried climbing up the arms of the sofa where the two of you were seated. No sooner had you lifted a leg, your whole body shook and the pencil box came crashing down, spilling its content everywhere.
“Hey!”
You had begun to laugh but immediately stopped when you saw how upset he was. Sitting down beside him, you gave him a sad pout as you gently patted his back.
“What’s wrong, Mingoo?”
“I told you not to call me that! Just call me Mingyu!” He huffed, going back to his drawing.
You rolled your eyes but you were sure he didn’t even notice it, considering how immersed he was in his drawing. “Fine, Mingyu. Just so you know, Mingoo is much cuter! What’s bothering you?” 
Mingyu didn’t respond right away, which just confirmed your suspicions that he was very, very upset. And when he did look at you finally, his lower lip was quivering as though he was on the verge of tears.
“My- my art teacher told me I can’t draw!” The very first tear drop fell as he sniffled, trying very hard to control his tears. You looked at him confused, not sure what he was talking about since Mingyu was clearly the best artist you had seen in your life (however short it was).
“What are you talking about? Why can’t you draw? You draw amazing.”
“She said since I’m a leftie I can’t draw!”
“That’s because she is just jealous that a six year old draws better than her. I think you are the best artist I’ve ever seen.”
“You haven’t even- you haven’t even seen that many artists.” Mingyu mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he felt the sadness in his heart reduce a little. You rolled your eyes once more (he had come to notice that you seemed to really love rolling your eyes at him) before poking his cheeks once.
“Don’t need to. I just know you are the best.”
“Really?”
“Mingoo.” This time he groaned at the nickname. “I think you are the best at everything. You are the best person I’ve ever met.”
“You are just six. You couldn’t have met that many people, could you?”
“You are underestimating my social skills. But the point is, according to me, you are the bestest person I know, and that’s why you are my best friend.”
He snorted. “It sounds like you are convincing me to get married to you.”
You gasped at that, and for a second Mingyu was worried he had said something scandalous (it didn’t feel right to him that you would be troubled by this when you used the word ‘idiot’ many times, which was a pretty bad word according to his mom). 
“That’s it!” You clapped your hand in excitement and something told Mingyu you were going to suggest the most scandalous thing he had ever heard from you. “Let’s get married!”
“Like…now?”
“No, you idiot!” He winced as you slapped his arm lightly, though he wasn’t sure if it was because you hit him or because you had sworn again. Maybe it was time to tell your mom that you were always using bad words. “We can’t get married now, so if we are still single till thirty, let’s get married then!”
“W-why, though?” He asked, rubbing his arms gently. Not that he was opposed to this idea. Mingyu thought you were a great friend, you were his best friend after all, and to be honest, in his eyes you were pretty enough (he didn’t have much girl friends unfortunately). But he wasn’t sure why you had suggested this idea suddenly.
You just shrugged. “No reason. It’s just that I’ve seen many movies where the best friends get married because no one wants to marry them.”
“They sound desperate to me.”
“So will you be, if you don’t get a girlfriend by thirty.” You snickered and that got Mingyu actually wondering. Would he actually never get a girlfriend? Now that he thought about it more, he realised that maybe your plan wasn’t that bad. 
“Sure then. Let’s get married if we are still single by thirty.”
You raised your pinky finger to him and he immediately entwined it with his, both of your thumbs brushing against each other as you smiled at him, causing him to mirror your grin.
“Pinky promise that we’ll get married if we are still single when we reach thirty?”
“Promise.” He whispered.
“Oh, by the way, Mingyu?”
“Hmmm?”
“You are going to be the world’s greatest artist.” 
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Mingyu rotated the pen in his hand as he absentmindedly stared outside the window. He could faintly hear the teacher teaching something about the different divisions in the animal kingdom but he had no interest in it whatsoever (after learning about the different excretory systems of insects, he had lost interest in biology all together). Through his seat, he could see the school ground and being on the lower floor didn’t help the fact he could recognise all the students who were playing out right now, making him wish he was there instead of his current location inside the sweltering, hot classroom. 
No one had warned him that middle school would be this boring but after being put in different sections, his school life seemed to have considerably dulled without you. Seventh grade wasn’t supposed to be this lifeless, was it?
He could see your little running form going in circles around the field and he automatically felt a smile tug at his lips. You looked so funny, with that annoyed expression on your face as you struggled to complete your laps. Mingyu dearly wished he had his camera with him, just to click a picture of you in this haggard form and pin it up in his bedroom wall just to tease you.
Just as he was thinking of the million different ways he could embarrass you, he heard his name being called sharply, snapping him out of his train of thoughts.
“Kim Mingyu!”
He jerked up straight to see his biology teacher glaring daggers at him, hand clutching the duster as though he was ready to throw it on Mingyu the second he answered the question wrong.
“Er,” he stood up awkwardly, eyes darting to the board to search for anything, just anything related to the question, anything that would give him enough hint as to where they were.
Suddenly his eyes landed on Boo Seungkwan who was sitting on the first bench, the extremely talkative boy Mingyu had recently befriended, and to his relief, Seungkwan mouthed him the question.
What are the four divisions of phylum arthropoda?
“Uh right, um, arthropoda is divided into arachnida, myriapoda, insectae and crustaceans.” 
The teacher looked slightly annoyed that he had got it right but nonetheless motioned Mingyu to sit down. Letting out a silent sigh, he sat down and looked out of the window, searching for you. His eyes immediately landed on your figure as you and your friends stood in circles for dodgeball, causing him to smile once again knowing you were horrible at the game.
It was funny to him how easily he always noticed you even amongst a huge sea of students. He was always the first one to catch your eyes at the morning assembly and he could always spot you in the canteen during lunch despite the huge strength of students. It was like you stood out the most amongst everyone, and yet at the same time, there wasn’t really anything that special about you.
Thank god he remembered this chapter though he had studied this almost five days ago. Mingyu had finally come to believe that he had, what you called, a ‘sexy brain’. It kind of embarrassed him how much you always threw that compliment around him whenever the two of you were studying, but for some reason he didn’t stop you. 
He just liked it a lot when you complimented him.
The bell finally rang after what felt like hours, indicating that it was the lunch break. Mingyu turned towards the window to see you disappearing into the school building one last time, before he began packing his books into his bag.
“Dude, why do you stare out of the window so much?” 
He looked up to see Seokmin leaning on his desk, his usual gentle smile on his face as he waited for him to answer. Mingyu could see the curiosity behind his eyes so he just shook his head.
“No reason. It’s just better than studying bio, to be honest.”
“Oh, yeah?” He asked, peeping out of the window too. Seungkwan came and joined the two of them, having overheard the conversation. “Are you sure it isn’t to just check out the section A girls?”
For some reason, Mingyu felt heat creep into his cheeks as he glared at the smiling boy opposite to him, who was already laughing in a good natured way.
“Then what?” Seungkwan snorted. “His best friend is in that class.”
“Oh? What’s her name? Then you must be mad that the two of you got separated last year, right?”
“It’s Y/N. Of course I’m mad.” He huffed, frowning at the very memory. His school had suddenly decided that from middle school girls and boys would be in completely different sections. He remembered whining about this to you because what was the point of studying in a co-ed school if he was separated from his best friend for silly reasons to which you had gently reminded him that you would be meeting at the canteen nonetheless. “Won’t you be angry if Joshua got put in a separate class, Seokmin?”
Seokmin laughed once more. “Of course I would. But you look like you are ready to set the school on fire for this.”
“You see,” Seungkwan spoke and Mingyu could already tell he was trying to add fuel to the fire from his expression. “They both are really close. So of course Mingyu was pissed.”
To this, Seokmin widened his eyes at Mingyu dramatically, clearly intrigued by this new piece of gossip. “Oh? Is that so?”
“It’s not what you both are thinking.” Mingyu said firmly, finally zipping his bag shut. But one look at Seungkwan and Seokmin’s mischievous smirk was enough to tell him that he had dug his own grave.
“And what are we thinking, Mingyu?”
“You think I have a crush on her.” He said, his nostrils flaring. Mingyu could feel his ears turning red from the embarrassment but he wasn’t really sure why. What was so embarrassing about explaining his relationship with you, his best friend, to his friends? “Or that we might like each other. But we don’t. Not like that.”
“Uh huh whatever you say, lover boy.” Seungkwan giggled before beckoning them to get out of the classroom. Mingyu rolled his eyes as he followed his friends out but it did nothing to stop his ears from burning up. Why was he so flustered?
The canteen was as usual crowded and the three of them lined up with their trays to get their food, when he felt his elbows hit someone else.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Mingyu began, sure that his clumsiness had gotten him into trouble once again. But luckily, he was met by your annoyed expression (he never knew he could feel so much relief upon seeing you annoyed) as you rubbed your ribs gingerly.
“Watch where you’re going, boy. You could easily have taken off my head with that elbow of yours.”
Mingyu snorted at your words, secretly glad that he was finally able to catch up with you in the canteen. “I bet I could. After all, who gets tired after running three laps?”
“You were watching me?” You hissed, pretending to lift your tray to hit him. He laughed at you and felt his smile grow as you too smiled back at him.
“He was watching you the entire time.” Seungkwan said. Mingyu glared at the two of them but that didn’t stop Seokmin either.
“Yeah, nearly got into trouble too, because of that. Thank god you knew the answer or else Park would have had your head for lunch today.”
“You weren’t listening to Park? You must have a death wish, Gyu.” 
All of a sudden Mingyu felt his stomach flip, causing him to stumble a little, his plate (now filled with food) nearly falling off his hand if it wasn’t for Seungkwan catching it with a hiss. 
“What’s wrong with you?” He hissed, carefully pulling Mingyu away from the crowd. The four of them looked at him concerned and he realised he must have looked shell shocked or something, seeing that they weren’t scolding him for his clumsy habits like usual.
To be honest, he felt shell shocked too. What was that? What was that sudden feeling that nearly threw him off his balance? When you had called him Gyu (Mingoo had evolved to Gyu because even you finally agreed; it was cringe), he had felt his stomach drop like he had been dropped from a great height. You had called him Gyu countless times before, and none of them had ever had such a dangerous effect on him before.
“Mingyu?” He heard your soft voice call him, and when you placed a gentle hand on his arm he turned to look at you. You were looking at him worriedly, and for some reason that made him feel even more light headed.
He felt the familiar heat rise up his cheeks and he immediately turned away, not wanting to look at you anymore.
“I- I think I need to go to the nurse’s room. I think I’m a bit dehydrated.” he said, deciding that he must have been feeling unwell. What else could be the reason for this sudden feeling? It was very hot after all and they did have an hour of physical education before biology. Maybe he hadn’t drunk enough water?
“Oh, okay. Let me come with you-” You began but he cut you off with a smile
“No, I’ll go alone.” 
You looked taken aback for a second, but smiled back almost immediately, giving his arm a gentle pat. “Are you sure? What if you faint on the way?”
“No, I’m not that unwell yet. It’s okay, you guys have lunch. I’ll catch up with you later.” Nodding at Seungkwan and Seokmin, he quickly ran out of the cafeteria, hoping no one was using the ice bag from the nurse’s room. 
Now that he was finally away from the suffocating heat and loud buzz of the cafeteria, he wondered why he had refused you to take him to the medical room. 
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“Crap. How many days left for cram school to start?” You asked, stuffing another handful of popcorn into your mouth. Your best friend looked at you in annoyance for asking the most useless question in between the movie, but nonetheless picked up his phone to check the date.
“Two days. It starts this Saturday.” 
“Fuck, we’ve really got to make the most out of it Mingyu.”
“I know. But you repeating it after every few minutes isn’t really making it better or making the day go slower. If anything, I can already feel the anxiety seeping in.”
He heard you snort and mumble something about having it easy because of his sexy brain, and he felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips. The two of you were finally in high school, but there was nothing to rejoice about it by the number of extra classes you would have to attend. So here you were, idling away the two week summer vacation you had got, enjoying the ‘last glories of our youth’ as you had called it.
Even though Mingyu knew the next four years were going to be a huge study overload (he could actually feel the anxiety seeping in now), he had never felt so relaxed in his entire life like he had in these two weeks.
The two of you had gone to amusement parks, done movie marathons and had even gone to the beach for a few days with both of your families. Even though he knew spending time with you was supposed to be memorable, he couldn’t help thinking that this time it had felt extra special.
He still couldn’t forget that warm feeling that had enveloped his chest when you had won one of the amusement park games and hugged him out of excitement, or the time when the two of you kept pushing each other at the sea until a huge wave crashed into the two of you, causing you to hold onto Mingyu as you both let out shrieks of laughter.
All of a sudden he realised that he had been getting this feeling of warmth whenever he was around you quite often off lately. Not to mention that one time his stomach dropped when you winked at him back at your fourteenth birthday. 
Well, in his defence you looked gorgeous. Like in a way he hadn’t expected you to. Of course he knew you were pretty. Kim Mingyu wasn’t blind to all those love letters and chocolate boxes you got every Valentine's day. But he really hadn’t expected you to look so beautiful in that dress. Nor had he expected his heart to stutter like that when you showed him the dress, twirling in it. 
Maybe it was because of the heat inside your bedroom due to all the closed windows and door or maybe it was because he was remembering those confusing emotions, but as Mingyu turned to look at you, he felt his heart stutter once more.
Your hands had a dusty orange on them from all those cheetos you had been munching on from earlier this evening, and your mouth was in an even worse condition. And yet, he felt warmth flood his chest when he realised he didn’t really care for your appearance. It didn’t really matter to him whether you had cheetos crumbs smeared on your lips or whether you were dancing in a beautiful evening gown.
Because you were, well you. You were Mingyu’s best friend of nine years and with someone he had shared every single memory with, be it a happy, sad or an embarrassing one. Of course he wouldn’t care about your appearance (hell, he had even seen you when you woke up after bawling your eyes out for the entire night) so why was this point coming to his mind now?
You were pretty and that was a fact. There was nothing to debate about it and yet here he was, not paying attention to the movie but wondering if all the guys who had chased you were aware of this side of you. Would they still ask you out? Would they still send you roses and chocolates during that time of the year?
He snorted at the very thought of how fake their affection towards you now felt. Mingyu was pretty sure they would run in the opposite direction if they saw you in this condition right now; wearing your old Melody pyjamas while eating chips in the most messy way ever. 
But he would never do that (assuming there was a hypothetical situation where he had to date you, of course). Because this was what made you you and he loved you for that. Everything about you was perfect in his eyes, including your flaws and mistakes.
Which once again, made his heart to stutter erratically causing him to suck in a harsh breath.
You turned to him when you heard him suck in a breath, your smiling expression changing to that of concern.
“Gyu? You okay?”
“Yeah I think…I think I’ve got a clogged artery.” Maybe it was high time he talked to a cardiologist. 
“Dammit. Told you to cut down on those snacks.”
“Me? Or you?” He laughed, pointing at the heap of empty snack packets around you. You pushed all the packets to his side and he gave you his usual ‘defeated smile’, causing you to laugh once again.
Damn, you were really pretty when you laughed.
“Oh but clogged arteries? Please Einstein, I bet you were thinking about a girl, weren’t you?”
“What the hell? Where did that come from?” He spluttered, taken aback by this sudden confrontation. You punched his arm lightly before wiggling your eyebrows at him (Mingyu made a mental point to ask Seungkwan to stop hanging out with you since you were clearly picking up his habits).
“My dude, you clearly have a crush on someone. Why else would your heart be jumping like that?”
“I don’t think I ever mentioned it was jumping?”
“Oh please. I’ve known you for so many years. I know what’s going on inside your head.”
Mingyu rolled his eyes. “I don’t have a crush on anyone, okay?”
“Then why is your heart jumping like that?”
“I told you it's not jumping-”
“The only explanation is that you have a crush on someone.” You winked, causing him to groan. Letting out a laugh you patted his shoulder gently, letting him know you were joking. “I’m just kidding, Gyu. If you ever had a crush on someone, you would have told me right?”
“Yeah…” Mingyu nodded. He would have told you right away, right? But what if…what if his crush was you? Would he be able to tell you then?
“Speaking of which, one of my friends thinks you are cute! Do you want to go on a date with her?”
“Er, I don’t think I’m good enough-”
“Excuse me?” You glared daggers at him, causing him to halt mid sentence. “You are not good enough? What are you even talking about? Anyone who knows you well knows that you are a literal gem! You are smart, cute, handsome and well-mannered! What else does a girl need?”
“Er.” He tried thinking of something to say, but his mind was stuck on something else you had said. You had called him smart, cute and handsome? Sure, he heard you say it a million times before but it did nothing to stop the heat creeping up his cheeks.
“Give it a try, please? Suji is a nice girl too, and I’m sure you both would click. You know I wouldn’t have even told you about this if I knew you wouldn’t like her, would I?” You asked, your lower lip jutting out in a pout. You looked so adorable right now, pouting at him slightly as you spoke in a soft voice, as though trying to convince a child to do something for you.
As though in a trance, Mingyu found himself nodding to your words. “Okay. But why does she like me? I mean, I barely know her.”
“I don’t know honestly. She just said she had a crush on you because you looked like her ideal type.”
“So…she loves me because I look like her ideal type?”
You narrowed your eyes at him and Mingyu wondered what had he done wrong. When he still didn’t reply, you rolled your eyes and took the remote controller, switching off the movie and edging closer to him.
“No, you silly. She doesn’t love you. I said, she has a crush on you. There’s a difference.”
His head spun at your words as he looked at you annoyed this time. Why were you complicating matters when it was clear he didn’t know a thing about this?
“Look crush is like a short infatuation. It doesn’t have much to do with personality, and is mostly based on looks. Love on the other hand, develops slowly, over a period of time. Like you could give a million reasons why you might have a crush on someone but love is, love is just…there’s no reason. You just love them despite everything and anything. Like…their imperfections don’t matter at all.”
“Like how I love you?” He asked, and you just laughed, slipping your hands into his. He grimaced as you oily fingers brushed against his, but somehow it felt comforting when you entwined your hand in his. 
“Of course not. We are just friends; everything is platonic between us. What I mean is loving a stranger, like a person you were not meant to be with in the first place. I mean like, not- not Seokmin, me or Seungkwan. Not your family or friends. Someone you accidentally happened to meet. Am I making sense?”
Mingyu nodded, understanding you very clearly. It made sense in a way. Loving you couldn’t possibly be the same as loving his girlfriend, could it? Loving you was like his second nature, like it was bound to happen and he couldn’t think of a time he didn’t love you and your friendship. Loving you was just so easy and just so natural; that had to be platonic right?
You switched back on the television, and for a few minutes, silence engulfed the two of you before you broke it again.
“You want to know something, Gyu?”
“What?”
“I would have definitely loved you if we weren’t best friends.” 
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“Hi!” 
Mingyu turned towards the excited squeak and found a girl of his age standing beside him, waving a bit too excitedly. He smiled at her politely before beckoning to the empty seat beside him for her to sit down.
He had finally agreed to go on a date with Suji, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy a little bit before he became completely busy with his studies. He had tried searching for good places to go on a date that might suit both his and Suji’s taste, but finding none, he finally had resorted to asking Seokmin for advice. 
Currently the two of them were at the Food Plaza, a street completely dedicated to small food shops. According to Seokmin, he and his girlfriend enjoyed trying new food from there so it might be a great idea to take Suji there instead of a restaurant which would serve only a particular cuisine. 
“So, um, Suji.” Mingyu began. immediately wishing a hole would swallow him up because of how awkwardly he had started. “What do you eat? I mean, like, what would you like to eat? Like- Like cuisine wise?” 
“Uh, about that-”
“We could have Italian if you like! Or- or, uh, my friend actually recommended me this taco place but I’ve just got to search for it a bit-”
“I’m actually allergic to a lot of food.” She cut him off, smiling at Mingyu apologetically. As he stared at her, he could feel the embarrassment sinking in even more.
Oh. Oh. “Why didn’t you tell me before? I would have picked a different date spot.” He said, trying not to sound too dejected at how his first date was going.
“I didn’t want to offend you. I mean, it was the first time we were talking and you asked if this was fine with me and I felt it would be rude if I said no.” She said sheepishly, clearly equally embarrassed at how things were turning out.
Why did she have to overthink so much? Why did she have to be so polite?
“Then…do you want to go somewhere else-”
“I see a Subway here, behind you. Do you mind if we eat there instead?” She asked with a smile.
He forced a smile and got up, and she followed his lead. Oh great, this Subway is only a takeaway. “Of course not. Let’s have a Subway then.”
Mingyu had always had great expectations for his first date. He had always thought it would be at a nice comfortable place, enjoying the food as he got to know his date and vice versa. Never had he thought that he would be eating a Subway for his first date, sitting on one of the plastic chairs kept outside the shop, getting boiled under the hot sun.
The rest of the afternoon passed away in idle chatter. Suji was apparently a straight A student, but she had no other hobbies because she spent every single moment studying (he could understand her position, really, but it was still boring beyond words).They ended up talking about school and grades more than Mingyu had in his entire life and by the time they had finished lunch, his head was already throbbing.
Out of politeness he asked if she wanted to go to the amusement park but she told him she hated the amusement park, to which Mingyu had nothing to say.
Finally finding that there was nothing else to do (and they had nothing in common except for their grades), the two of them decided to call it a day. They bid each other goodbye with Suji thanking him for the food, and Mingyu promised he would catch up with her more (he didn’t intend to keep this one though).
The sun was already setting in by the time he began his walk back home and the atmosphere had gotten relatively cooler, but it did nothing to stop the pricking heat he was feeling all over his body. His head still throbbed from earlier despite finishing nearly two bottles by himself, so he decided to take some rest at the neighbourhood park.
He sat down on one of the wooden benches and finally let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. 
What was wrong with him? Mingyu could feel his head spinning as he felt oddly hot, his clothes sticking to him uncomfortably. Talking to Suji made him feel so uncomfortable for some reason, it felt like he had been talking to a wall the entire time. It was awkward, forced and just so annoying even though he couldn’t tell why.
And he felt unhappy. Unexplainably unhappy. Like he had been forced to choose a career he hated or like he had been told to stop art altogether. 
Finally, he took out his phone and dialled a very familiar number, hoping you weren't busy at this moment.
You picked up at the first ring itself and he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. What was he supposed to say? That he didn’t enjoy the date? He knew you wouldn’t feel offended by that and you would agree with him but then why couldn't he say anything to you? 
“Gyu?” You asked softly, your voice laced in worry. 
And that was enough to break him. He let out a sob as he screwed his eyes shut, feeling a heavy emotion wash over him.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, though he himself was unsure what he was sorry about. “I’m so sorry. I just-”
“Where are you?” You cut him off gently, and he paused for a second to catch his breath. 
“I’m- I’m at the park near our apartment.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes, okay? Just hang in there.”
True to your words, you were there within five minutes, and he found you crouching down in front of him. Gently placing your hand on his knees, you asked again, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
He was still shaking from the aftermath of his sudden breakdown, the nauseous feeling threatening to rise if he opened his mouth to speak. So instead, he just opted to look at you with his teary eyes, hoping you would understand.
Mingyu had always been the softer one among the two of you. He was always the first one to end up with tears when he got hurt or offended, and at the same time he was the first one to forgive anyone for their mistakes. So it wasn’t really surprising that you had learnt to realise his emotions even if he didn’t, and you always knew the right word to soothe him.
“Hey,” You said, still talking softly to him. You took his hands in yours, gently rubbing circles on them with your thumb. “It’s okay. It’s completely fine that you didn’t like her, you know that right? Sometimes…things don’t work out the way we think they would. But why are you crying? Did she do something to you? Don’t tell me she forced you to kiss her or-”
“No, no, it’s not anything like that.” He inhaled sharply, finally finding his voice back. He didn’t want to ruin your friendship with Suji just because he was confused about what he was feeling and why he didn’t like her. “It’s just that…I don’t know. She felt so boring, bland and dry. Not in the offensive way! Like- like Minghao from my chess class talks about only grades and school too! But I never feel so dull…so lifeless with him.
“It’s okay.” You said with a reassuring smile that had warmth flooding back to his chest, the stupid prickling heat that had been irritating his skin now gone. Pressing a soft kiss onto his knuckles, you said, “We don’t have to justify why we don’t like or like someone ever, okay? It’s completely fine.” 
And all of a sudden Mingyu realised what he had been feeling, why he had felt so unhappy and what Suji had missing.
“I felt uncomfortable.” He said, just realising how comfortable he felt beside you. There was a feeling you radiated, which was something no one could ever replace. Whenever he was with you he felt like he was at home, like no matter what would happen he could always go back to you. 
Which was a given since you were his best friend. And yet, when he was with Suji all he could think of was you. Of how you made him feel. Of how you made him feel always.
“It’s okay, Gyu. It can happen. You know that I’ll always be there for you, right?” You smiled at him.
Mingyu smiled back at you, finally feeling like the throbbing in his head dull down a bit. As if on a cue, he remembered something like this had happened to the two of you long ago, another incident of you calming him down which had resulted in the two of you making a silly promise.
Back then it was a promise made at the heat of the moment, with little to almost no thought given to it since it was meant to be a light joke between the two of you. But when he extended his pinky to you and you immediately linked it with yours, Mingyu could feel your seriousness.
“I promise I’ll be there for you too.” 
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He pressed your doorbell multiple times furiously, patience running thin with every passing second. What was taking you so long? Were you that badly injured that you couldn’t even open the door-
The door finally swung open and Mingyu nearly flew in, engulfing you into a bone crushing hug.
“Ow! Mingyu- It hurts-” You clawed at his back but he still didn’t let go, pouring all his anger that had built up in the past few hours against you in this hug (he had always been told he had weird ways to show his anger). It was only when he felt you yank his hair at the back of his head lightly did he let you go.
“What the hell-” He began as he pulled away, still clutching at your shoulders. He took a deep breath in when he saw your split lip and bruised cheek, feeling his heart twist in the most horrendous way ever. “Did you think you were doing?”
Mingyu could feel the huge wave of guilt coursing through his veins right now. He shouldn’t be blaming you. This wasn’t even your fault in the first place. Why was he getting mad at you?
Because after all, this was actually all his fault. The whole reason you had even got into the fight in the first place was because of him.
And yet, you looked unfazed as you rolled your eyes at him, shrugging his hand off your shoulders. You walked into your bedroom and after making sure the front door was locked (your parents had gone out for a week and it was Mingyu’s responsibility to check if you were keeping up with the safety rules set by them), he followed you into your room.
“Why did you do that?” He asked once again, as you sat down on your bed with a huff. He followed suit and you turned to glare at him.
“What do you mean why did I do that? Of course I had to punch that asshole-” 
“Then are you going to get into a fight with anyone who says they don’t like me?”
“Of course I will! And it wasn’t even a matter of simple liking. He called you a whore just because you didn’t want to go out with his sister. Who the fuck does that? I needed to get some decency punched into his head!” You snapped, causing him to flinch at your anger.
Why were you so angry? It was true that even he would have been offended if someone had insulted you, but now you had gotten yourself hurt and that hurt him a lot more. 
“Did the school send you home early as a punishment?” He asked as he got up to search for the first aid box, trying to change the subject.
“Not as a punishment. The principal said he was letting me go since he was the one who started it. But they said that if I got into another fight, it would go down in my report.”
Mingyu hissed at the very thought of your report getting tainted due to him. Squeezing the antiseptic he had taken out from your first aid box onto a cotton bud, he was about to apply it on your lips but you caught his wrist. He looked up at you in surprise only to see you looking at him worriedly. 
“Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad. I’m just- Look, you got hurt. Because of me.” He said, his strained voice giving away the guilt he had been hiding all this time. He was mad at you; but only because you had got hurt so badly because of him.
“Nope. Not because of you. I got hurt because of that bastard-”
“Okay that’s enough swearing for a day. But why did you do that?”
“Done what?” You asked in annoyance, as though it was a stupid question he was asking. “Gotten into a fight? Gyu…wouldn’t you have done that for me too?”
“I- I would- I wouldn’t- Yeah. I would.” He whispered, feeling bile rise up his throat at the very thought of someone insulting you. Was that even possible? What would they even insult about you? What was even there to insult about you? You were so perfect in every way that Mingyu could not even think of any flaw that someone might find in you. “I would burn down the world for you.” He said, still whispering.
When you heard this, the creases that had formed in your eyebrows due to your anger disappeared, as you burst into laughter. He blinked at you confused, not sure why you were laughing. Nonetheless, he felt his own mood lighten a bit upon hearing your beautiful laugh, his heart skipping a beat when you smiled at him softly.
“Oh Gyu.” You said, grabbing his hand in yours. Right now you were looking so, so pretty that all Mingyu could do was stare at you and nod dumbly, all words dried from his throat. “You would burn the world down for me? Nah, you are too sweet for that.”
At this he snorted, jerking his hand away from you and proceeding to dab at your lips. “You underestimate my love for you.”
“I don’t.” You said, wincing a bit that caused him to freeze, scared that he was hurting you more. Seeing your wounds from up close made his heart squeeze painfully, and it oddly made him wish he had taken those punches instead of you. “I know you love me as much as I love you.”
“Then don’t get hurt.” He whispered. You blinked at him and he sighed frustratedly, pulling you into another hug. This one was gentler than the previous one and yet Mingyu held as close as he had done before, as though he was scared to let you go. “Then please don’t get hurt. It hurts me. It hurts me to see you like this.” 
He felt you gently pat his shoulder blades before wrapping your arms around his torso, pulling him even more closer. Your scent, which he had grown so familiar with, comforted him as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.
Hugs were not something uncommon between the two of you; you had hugged each other a million times before and nothing had changed between the two of you.
And yet right now, as Mingyu held your body close to his, he was hyper aware of how your skin felt against his, of how comfortably your body fit in his grip and of how his heart raced as you clutched his biceps. His heart hurt, his head hurt and yet, it felt so good to have you in his arms. 
It really felt like Mingyu was the one who got into a fight; everything hurt so badly. He thought of the raging emotion he had first felt when he had heard that his classmate had hurt you. He remembered the panic he felt when he entered the nurse room and couldn’t find you; he was worried that you were in a worse condition than he had thought you were in and had to be taken to the hospital. And he remembered the relief flooding back in him when the nurse told you had simply been asked to go back home and there was nothing serious about your bruises. It had nearly torn him apart as he waited for the day to get over, dying to go home and make sure that you were actually okay.
He thought of all the emotions he had experienced with you; happiness, anger, sadness, fear, surprise and even disgust. Mingyu had shared a huge journey with millions of memories with you. He really couldn’t even imagine what his life would have been like if it weren’t for you. It was impossible to even breathe without you.
Suddenly he remembered what Seokmin had told him once, that maybe, maybe he was in love with you.
It was back when they were on a school school field trip and students had been allowed some free time around the resort so Mingyu, Seokmin and Seungkwan decided to play on the monkey bars. They were just either sitting on it or swinging aimlessly (sixteen year olds were a bit too tall for a playground meant for five year olds) with idle chatter when you and your group came and sat down on the swing.
Normally Mingyu wouldn’t have really cared and the swings were too far from the monkey bar to involve himself in your talk but he glanced at you and felt himself smile. You were laughing and talking to your friend, the sunlight catching your hair and almost giving you an angelic glow.
It was already warm but Mingyu still felt warmth spreading in his chest, his cheeks heating up within seconds.
Back then, Seokmin had joked, only joked, that Mingyu was in love with you but now, he realised that it may be true.
That maybe, he was in love with you.
And not in the platonic way that you had explained to him. Not in the way where you both exchanged ‘i love yous’ regularly because you loved your friendship.
He loved you in the way Orpheus loved Eurydice, the way Romeo loved Juliet and the way Louisa Clark loved William Traynor. 
Because Mingyu had said it for himself; loving you was so easy and just so natural that he couldn’t even think of something else, he couldn’t even see himself falling in love with someone else. Loving you was like a river flowing, something that would have happened no matter what. Something that could not be stopped, because then it would be like a dam that had been forced to be built to stop Mingyu’s emotions from flowing.
“Just promise me you won’t get hurt.” He whispered and felt you slightly nod your head. You were gently rubbing circles on his back, with no idea what effect it had on him. “Promise me please. Because I love you so much that I can’t bear to see you get hurt.”
“I promise.” You mumbled almost immediately, unaware of the double meaning his words held. 
But that’s okay. Mingyu thought. You didn’t have to know about his feelings. He wasn’t going to burden you or your friendship with his one sided love. As long as you were happy, he was okay with it.
After all, some promises were meant to be broken.
Like this one. 
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“What did you even want to show us?” Seungkwan grumbled, squinting through the sunlight looking heavily annoyed.
Mingyu didn’t blame him though. They had been sitting at the cafe for the past half an hour doing nothing, still waiting for whatever ‘surprise’ you had planned for them. The hot weather made everything even worse; Seokmin was already on his fourth ice cream, Seungkwan was sipping his sixth iced americano and Mingyu himself had drunk two large glasses of milkshake and now he wanted to use the washroom so badly but could only resort to shaking his legs.
“If I tell you it won’t be a surprise anymore, will it?” You said, checking your phone for the millionth time. 
Mingyu realised that this was the first time in weeks he was hanging out with you. College was starting in a month and everyone had decided to take part in activities that might help them boost their respective subject knowledge. Since both of you had decided to major in different subjects, he hadn’t been able to see you much due to the conflicting schedules of your work. 
He felt warmth bloom in his chest as he watched you smile at your screen, the corners of his lips tugging when he realised how ridiculously pretty you looked. Mingyu had come to terms with the fact that love was indeed blind; in his eyes you would always be the most perfect human being and even though you would never see him in a non-romantic way, he would always love you.
All of a sudden your eyes lit up, and you jumped up from your chair. “He’s here!” You yelled as you dashed towards the entrance of the cafe.
Confusion settled between the three of them as both Seungkwan and Seokmin’s eyes fell on Mingyu.
“He? What’s she talking about?” Seungkwan asked urgently, but all Mingyu could do was furrow his eyebrows.
He? Who were you talking about? Was it a new friend? It couldn’t be your-
“Guys, meet my boyfriend!” 
Mingyu felt blood rush up his ears as he stared at you. A boy, of their age, beamed at the three of them along with you, both of you clutching each other’s hands. The two of you were met by complete silence, which was only interrupted when Seokmin’s spoon clattered onto the ground.
“Oh, hi!” He said, laughing awkwardly to ease the sudden tension that had built up. You pulled your ‘boyfriend’ down onto a chair beside you and it was only when the said man smiled at Mingyu did the truth finally sink in.
You had a boyfriend. A boyfriend.
Suddenly the air felt a thousand times hotter than it already was, compressing against him like it was trying to squeeze all the breath out of him. He felt his stomach drop as you smiled at the man beside you, your eyes holding so much love for him.
A love that could never ever be his. 
Mingyu felt like he was going to be sick. And his two friends were doing literally nothing to stop the nausea rising up his throat. Seungkwan was glaring very obviously at the newcomer while Seokmin smiled at him awkwardly. 
You looked at the three of them expectantly, your smile dropping a little when none of them showed the reaction you were clearly hoping for.
Mingyu felt his heart crack a little at your slightly crestfallen face and that’s when Mingyu realised how stupid he was acting.
How could he be this selfish? Just because he was in love with you didn’t mean that you couldn’t date or fall for someone else. Just because he loved you didn’t mean that you were obliged to return the same feelings. Hell, you didn’t even know that he was in love with you in the first place (which, Seungkwan and Seokmin considered a bit dense of you, because of the fact that it was apparently very obvious that Mingyu was and always had been in love with you; in fact that’s how they had come to know about this even without him telling them).
“Hi! Nice to meet you. I’m Mingyu. And this is Seungkwan and this is Seokmin.” He spoke, forcing a smile onto his face for your sake. You immediately beamed back at him and for a second, Mingyu almost forgot that your boyfriend was there.
“Hi Mingyu! I’m Jisung. Y/N’s talked so much about you! At first I thought your name was actually Gyu.” He laughed and Mingyu smiled back politely. 
He engaged himself in a casual conversation with Jisung and you, kicking his two friends lightly under the table so that they could help him a bit too. He didn't want you to feel bad. After all, you had looked really excited when you had first told them about the surprise and he wanted you to be happy.
"I'm hurt, though." Mingyu said with a pout, so that you would understand that he was only joking (he wasn't). "You never told me that the reason you kept putting your club activities over meeting up with me was because you had a boyfriend. You could have introduced us much sooner."
You smiled at him apologetically, a small shy one that caused his heart to stutter a little. 
“Hey, come on.” Jisung laughed, placing his hand over yours and giving it a squeeze. “Of course she would prioritise me, her boyfriend, over you, her best friend.”
“Excuse me?” Seungkwan asked as Mingyu felt his stomach twist in the most revolting way. He felt something catch his throat, his cheeks flaming at the comment more than the unbearable heat of the weather. 
Mingyu wasn’t stupid; he could feel the sudden tension in the air at Jisung’s comment and your slightly shocked face so he tried laughing it off. He really, really tried smiling at his words, however awkward the smile was, but for some reason he just couldn’t. All he could do was tighten his grip on the glass as he gritted his teeth to stop himself from lashing out.
Never had he felt so much anger towards someone. No matter how much he tried to digest that statement, he just couldn’t stop the bitterness from rising to his mouth. 
Because it was true.
Mingyu knew it was true, and so did everyone else present at the table.
He would always just be a best friend for you, while someone else played the role of your boyfriend. It was a part he could never play, no matter how much he loved you.
But Jisung telling him that definitely didn’t make anything better. It didn’t make his feelings for you go away or make him realise how stupid he was to fall in love with his best friend. If anything, it made him feel worse. It was like Jisung had on purpose crossed all boundaries, just to rile him up.
“H-Hey guys?” Seokmin interrupted, as though worried of what Mingyu might end up saying in the heat of the moment. “Didn’t the three of us promise to play on Joshua’s new xbox at two? If we want to reach on time then we need to leave now.”
“Oh, that’s right!” Seungkwan said, standing up and grabbing Mingyu’s elbow to pull him up. For a second Mingyu looked at his two best friends hurrying to leave in a confusion and then it finally hit him what they were actually trying to do.
“Ah, yeah. Sorry I forgot to mention this Y/N. But we need to leave now.” He said, forcing a smile onto his face just for you. You still looked taken aback from your boyfriend’s comment and just smiled back hastily at him.
"Uh, okay. I'm sure we all can hang out together later too!" You called after them, and they  hastily turned to you, bidding you a goodbye.
The three of them walked in complete silence for a while, as though the situation had not yet sunk in.
A boyfriend. His biggest worry was now coming true.
Mingyu could still taste the bile in his mouth and no matter how much he swallowed, the lump in his throat was still choking him.
"Hey man…" Seokmin said, stopping abruptly and causing the other two to do the same. He looked at Mingyu sadly, before patting him gently on the shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
He could feel tears sting his eyes as he balled his fists to stop them from falling. But no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't stop the feeling of his heart being ripped apart.
Why couldn't he be the one holding your hand right now? Why couldn't he be the one whom you looked at with so much love? Why couldn't he be the one who showered you with love and affection everyday?
The sadness clutched at his heart tightly as the first tear drop fell. Seungkwan clutched his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze as though he could understand Mingyu’s feelings.
It's okay. He said to himself. You knew this would happen.
He hadn't felt this sad in years, not even when his friend Kwon Soonyoung made his entire friend group think he was the mafia when he wasn't, and definitely not when he had to force himself to keep a straight face when he heard guys talk about how pretty and awesome you were, or when you would open every single Valentine's Day letter and read them out to him, all the while giggling.
Mingyu felt Seokmin take his other hand and the comfort it gave him made him realise once again how grateful he was to the two of them.
He took in a shuddering breath to calm himself down before speaking. "Thanks a lot. For back there."
Seokmin shook his head, once again patting his back. "Don't mention it. I know this won't cheer you up and it probably sounds useless, but you both are going to two different colleges next month, right? Maybe, I’m saying maybe, you'll get over her. Maybe- maybe the lesser you see her, the easier it will be for you. Plus there's going to be so many other girls too, right?"
Mingyu just nodded, not having the heart to tell him how dull other girls looked to him beside you.
"But I just don't understand how Y/N still does not know that you are in love with her. I mean, even if she can't see it, surely her friends would have noticed?"
Mingyu shrugged, the feeling of dejection finally setting in as he watched the setting sun. But he always knew that one day or another, you would get a boyfriend that wasn't him and he would have to accept that. 
After all, the promise that the two of you had made was just a stupid joke, right? 
"Hey Mingyu. If you want, Soonyoung and I could accidently spill poison into that shit excuse of a boyfriend's coffee and Seungcheol or Jeonghan could cover it up."
He let out a laugh at this, feeling his mood lift up a bit. A bit.
"No thank you. I don't want any of you in jail."
"Damn, okay. What does she even see in that asshole anyways?"
Mingyu shrugged. "I guess everything that I lack."
"Hey, hey, hey." Seokmin shook his head at the two of them. "We need to cheer up! And you know what to do after a breakup?"
"Seokmin. To break up you need to be in a relationship in the first place. Mingyu hasn't even confessed to Y/N yet-"
"Do you," Seokmin flashed his eyes dangerously at Seungkwan. "Know what you need to do? That's right gentlemen. We need to stop by Joshua's house to play with his xbox."
"Did Joshua really buy a new xbox? Didn't he buy one last year?" Mingyu asked, already feeling slightly distracted.
"Yes and yes. You can thank me later on for being best friends with the richest kid from LA."
"He's friends with all of us."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Seungkwan." 
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𝐓𝐖𝐎. 𝐏𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒
The rain poured down heavily as he ran across the wet road, ignoring the way his wet clothes clung on to his skin, making him feel cold and clammy. His sneakers were soggy too, making it almost difficult to run, but he didn’t want to think of the consequences if he didn’t get to you quickly. 
Mingyu came to a halt in front of a series of bars, taking out his phone hurriedly to check the address you had sent him. 
Correction: he whipped out his phone to check the incoherent words you sent him with the line "oick ne up pld".
By now understanding your drunk texts had become a second nature to him; he could decipher it as easily as your normal ones. In fact, this current situation was such a common occurrence that he knew that it wouldn’t really hurt you if he reached a minute or two late but he could never get rid of that horrible feeling in his heart that something, something might happen to you if he didn’t find you.
Finally stepping into the bar whose name you had sent, Mingyu scanned the crowd for your familiar face. Being a Friday, the place was really crowded but it didn’t take him long to find you seated on one of the stools near the counter, emptying your glass in a flash before resting your forehead against the counter.
The tightening in his chest returned as he took in your expression, your drunken state causing his heart to shatter into millions of pieces. 
He hated seeing you like this. He hated seeing you sad, he hated seeing you cry and he hated seeing you so heartbroken. It made him angry at the universe for making you cry, it made him angry at you ‘boyfriend’ for making you cry, and it made angry at himself.
It made him angry that he couldn’t protect you, or save you from feeling these emotions. It made him so angry that there were days he would just hate himself for not being able to make you smile. What was the point of being your best friend if he couldn’t protect you from those feelings? What was the point of loving you if you still got hurt over love?
Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, Mingyu walked over to your spot and sat down on the stool beside you. Then gently patting your back, he called your name softly. “Y/N? Can you hear me?” 
You immediately shot up, looking around a little dazed until your eyes landed on him. Squinting at him a little, you asked in a slurred voice, “Gyu?”
“Yeah. It’s me. Let’s go home, okay?” He asked, still speaking softly as he gently slung your arm over his shoulder. You let him pull you up from your chair as he tightened his grip on your waist, and you buried your face in his neck.
Mingyu felt your nose tickle his neck as you wrapped both of your arms around his shoulders tightly, but he ignored it and instead focused on literally dragging you out of the crowded place. Once the two of you had made it out safely, he quickly hailed for a taxi so that you didn’t get wet (and because it was physically impossible for him to drag you all the way back home). After making sure you were seated comfortably in the backseat, he slipped in beside you.
“Y/N?” He asked, poking your knees as you rested your head on his shoulder. The strong smell of alcohol on you pricked his nose in irritation but he let you be, allowing you to use his shirt as a tissue. “Did you…break up again?” 
You nodded slowly, sniffling once before looking up at him in teary eyes. Mingyu felt his heart break once again and it took him all his willpower to not wrap his arms around you and engulf you into a hug before you even spoke.
“He said- he said something was off. That he didn’t feel that I was really interested in him.” You mumbled into his shoulder. “I don’t get it though. I really liked him. What did he mean by ‘I wasn't interested in him’?”
“Maybe- maybe it's because you both have busy schedules?” Mingyu reasoned, not sure why he was trying for excuses for your boyfriend, now an ex. “Maybe he was under stress so he wasn’t able to figure things out in his end?”
“I don’t know.” You mumbled. “I-I thought it would work this time.”
It would work this time.
Mingyu had lost track of the number of times he had heard you spill those words, both in your drunken and sober state. It was a word he heard repeatedly over the years since college and he had thought that maybe after you got a job, he would stop having to hear those words.
But he still ended up hearing them after your every single break up, still sympathising with you like he was just your best friend and didn’t love you in any romantic way. 
“Maybe it’s time you, uh, try something different?” Another common response. “Like maybe stop being in a relationship for a while, heal yourself completely and then try?”
“I’ve tried, Gyu. I’ve tried it so many times. But for some reason, I feel like something is missing in my life if I’m not in a relationship. You understand, right?”
He did not understand. Mingyu had never been in a relationship before thanks to his one sided love for you but even apart from that, he couldn’t understand how you could jump from one person to another in such a short span of time even though each of it ended in the same sad, messy way.
The taxi finally came to a halt, indicating that they had reached their destination. Mingyu quickly paid the fare and gently pulled you out of the vehicle, him still supporting your maximum weight. 
Experience had taught him that dragging you all the way up to the fourth floor of the apartment not only was a bit strenuous to him but also hazardous to you (the dark corridors were not helping his clumsy nature in any way). So he slung your arms around his neck and pulled you onto his back, grabbing your knees as he made his way to the apartment elevator. 
Once he stepped out of the elevator and reached his front door, he slowly let go of your one knee and reached for his pant pocket to get his house key-
Shit. 
His hand came out empty and he felt panic grab him. Frantically, he reached for his other pocket but all he could feel was his wallet. In his hurry to get to you, he had forgotten to take his key with him. 
How could he be so stupid? He had always been an organised person and always checked, double checked everything before leaving the house. How could he forget something so important, especially when you needed his help?
Shit, shit, shit. If we stay here any longer, Y/N’s going to catch a cold. Should I just go to a hotel-
The front door swung open and if Mingyu had been asked at that instant which god he believed in, Mingyu would have said Jeon Wonwoo without a second's hesitation.  
“Oh god Wonwoo-” He began, as his older roommate just rolled his eyes, opening the door wider to let the two of you in. Carefully, Wonwoo helped a now unconscious you slide down from his back onto the couch. “How did you know-”
“How did I know you forgot your key?” Wonwoo asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Mingyu nodded, feeling Wonwoo’s disapproval through his stare. “Well, I went to your room to return your book but guess who had sneaked off so late at night?”
Mingyu averted his eyes down, feeling Wonwoo’s gaze pierce through him.
“It’s not that I have a problem with you hanging out so late at night. I’ve never even complained when Y/N crashes in your room. But why do you-” He inhaled sharply, trying to calm himself down. Mingyu felt guilt wash over him as Wonwoo continued. “But why do you run to her every single time? Do you have no self respect?”
He winced at his friend’s words even though he knew they were true. He had himself asked this question many times. Why didn’t he stop going to you everytime? Why did he force himself to shoulder your pain every single time? Why couldn’t he, for once, even hint that he loved you?
“You keep telling me it's the last time. Every single damn time.”
“I’m- I’m sorry. I promise this will be the last time-”
“You always say that!” He snapped. “You say that it's going to be the last time, and then you go back, and then get hurt as she rambles about her boyfriend and you still stick to her like she’s not hurting you; like you aren’t breaking inside, like-”
“Then what do you want me to do? Ignore her messages? Leave her alone in this state?”
“No!” Wonwoo hissed. “But if you don’t set boundaries, you are going to be her doormat forever! You’ll be a pushover-”
“Fine, I get it!” Mingyu snapped, mad at Wonwoo for not understanding him and mad at himself for being exactly what Wonwoo had just called him. Your doormat. “I get it, okay? I get what you mean. But I can’t just- I can’t- Fine, I’ll- I’ll get over-” 
Both the men flinched as you murmured in your sleep, causing them to finally pause. Wonwoo sighed as he shook his head, slowly walking back to his room.
“It’s up to you, Gyu. Either chase her or forget your feelings for her. But what you are doing now- it’s just going to hurt you more. I’ll be in my room if Y/N needs anything, okay?”
With that, he shut the door of his room, leaving Mingyu all alone with a snoring you. 
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“Gyu.” You said, swallowing your food abruptly to speak. It just resulted in the huge lump to get stuck in your throat, causing you to cough as you choked on it. Immediately Mingyu shot up from his chair and thumped your back, slowing it down to gentle pats as gradually stopped coughing. “Thanks.” You muttered, giving him a small smile as tears slid down your cheeks. 
“Be careful.” He said worriedly, pouring you another glass of juice. You took a sip of it and set it down, before giving him a bigger smile. Mingyu felt his heart clench painfully as you beamed at him gratefully; as though he was your saviour. 
“Thank you for the breakfast.” He just nodded, swallowing thickly as he tried to distract himself from your smile; anything that wouldn’t remind him of the way the sunlight from behind gave you a soft glow, the way the corner of your lips quirked up when you smiled, the way- “And- and thank you for yesterday. Thank you for always, actually.” You continued. 
“Don’t thank me.” He said, sitting down back on his seat. “That’s what friends do anyways, right?”
Opposite to him, he heard someone snort. Both of you turned your attention to Wonwoo, who was busy reading the newspaper (Mingyu had never seen his roommate with a newspaper; in fact the newspapers were only for him). 
“Ah,” you said, “thank you to you too, Wonwoo. Gyu told me that if it hadn’t been for your timely intervention, we would have frozen to death outside the house.” 
Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at you, as though trying to find the sarcasm in your statement. But you were genuinely smiling at him and Mingyu kicked Wonwoo lightly under the table. You might be stamping on Mingyu’s heart (unknowingly of course) but he knew you were always thankful to Wonwoo.
“It’s okay.” He muttered, going back to the newspaper. “I was just helping my friend.”
“Yeah, thanks for that too.” You turned back to him and scrunched your nose. “Gyu can be a little oblivious to his surroundings sometimes, right? He needs someone to take care of him sometimes.”
“Absolutely right.” Wonwoo stated coolly, picking up an egg tart that Mingyu had made specifically for you. He eyed Mingyu, before continuing to speak. “He definitely doesn't keep his own feelings and health in mind and is always dashing to help others, unaware about himself or what state he is in.” 
Mingyu laughed dryly at his roommate’s statement, before shooting him a glare. Wonwoo then continued again. “But Mingyu is really responsible. And always has everything under control.” (By now, Mingyu could feel sarcasm even in Wonwoo’s breath) “In fact most of the time, it’s him taking care of me. Besides, I think we can all agree that you need to be taken care of more than him.”
At this, Mingyu shot up from his chair once again, pulling you up by your elbow. “You are done right? I’ve already packed some lunch for you. Come on, I’ll drive you back home.”
You looked at him confused. “But- But I just started-”
“It’s okay, you can have them in the car!” He said, quickly picking up some tarts. You rose from your chair hesitantly, but nonetheless waved Wonwoo a small bye as you followed Mingyu out of the house. 
Just before closing the main door, Mingyu glared one last time at his roommate, but the older one just smiled at him, mouthing the words, ‘enjoy your “alone” time with Y/N.’ He air quoted the word alone, causing Mingyu to roll his eyes.
As he walked towards his car with you behind him, he made a mental note to talk to Wonwoo about not betraying roommates. 
“I’m sorry.” You said, as you finally settled in the car seat. Mingyu looked at you confusedly, not sure where this was coming from. You had never apologised to him before because there wasn’t any need to. He would have gone to pick you up if you had ever texted him, break up or not, drunk or sober. It wasn’t like the two of you were strangers either, where one had to apologise for the inconvenience caused. 
Wait, Mingyu thought. Don’t tell me she knows about-
“I keep asking you to come so late at night and pick me up. And then I crash into your house just like that. I can understand why Wonwoo doesn’t like me.” You said, a note of sadness lingering in your voice.
“Oh.” He let out a small breath of relief, feeling a tension release from his chest at your words. Over the years, as Mingyu saw how horribly you dealt with breakups, he had learnt to control his feelings even more whenever he was around you and not let a slip of word either. He didn’t want you to end up like that because of him, even the thought of it brought a stabbing pain to his chest. “Oh, don’t be sorry. What are friends for, huh? I’ve known you all my life. If I can’t help you get you home safely, I think your mother will stop thinking of me as her son.” He glanced at your direction as you gave him a small smile. 
But Mingyu could tell there was still some weight on your chest so he added, “And don’t worry about Wonwoo. He does like you. It’s just that- It's just that he is worried that one of us might get hurt, you know.” That one of us being me. “He’s a great guy, trust me. He’s nice and caring in his quiet ways. And he’s someone I trust with my life. Apart from you of course. And Seokmin and Seungkwan. And Joshua too.”
Mingyu saw you smile more brightly from the corner of his eyes as you reached forward and placed your hand over his, which was on the steering. Had it been someone else, Mingyu would have flinched and probably would have accidentally rammed the car into a wall (he was speaking this from experience; needless to say the female coworker didn’t even glance at his direction ever again despite the ‘crush’ she previously had on him).
But yours were so warm and comforting, he felt himself relaxing against your touch almost immediately, before realising you were probably watching him. Quickly he straightened up, and inhaled deeply to control his heart that was giving small squeezes every now and then.
“So, uh,” He began, venturing into the area he knew might be a bit painful for you. “What did he say this time?”
You seemed to understand who he was referring to by the way you withdrew your hands from his and crossed them in front of your chest. You frowned slightly though Mingyu wasn’t sure if it was because of the sunlight falling on your face or the content of yesterday night’s conversation.
“I don’t know, Gyu. I don’t know. He said he felt I wasn’t committed enough. What did he mean by that? I always readjusted my schedule to meet him, ditched my friends whenever he said he needed me and god knows what else. What more does he need?” 
“Did you mention that to him?”
“Of course I did! And he just felt that even though my actions were doing those, it was obvious my heart was searching for something else! Like what is he? A shaman?”
“Er, didn’t the last guy, what’s his name? Haejoon? Didn’t he say the same thing?” Mingyu asked.
“Who’s side are you on?” 
“Yours, of course.” 
“Good to know. But you are right, you know. They always say the same thing. Not only Haejoon and Jongmin. Starting from Jisung, they always say the same thing.”
“And what are you exactly searching for?” Mingyu asked as he carefully parked the car in front of your apartment. He really wanted to know what was the thing that you were looking for, the thing that caused your break ups and the thing that might finally give you solace. He wondered if he had what you were searching, though he doubted you would even bother looking for it in him. 
You shrugged as you got out of the door, pulling the bag of food along with you as you got out. “I don’t know. I don’t know myself.” You said, though in Mingyu’s opinion you didn’t look that affected by it. Mingyu had always loved how cool and chill you always were about life but right now, he was really dying to know what was the key point that would win your heart forever.
“Here, give that to me. It’s heavy. I’ll carry it.” He said, reaching forward to take the bag from your hand but you just moved the handle away from him, a playful glint in your eyes.
“What? Just because you’ve been living in the gym off lately doesn’t mean I can’t lift this much.” You said, walking up the stairs.
Mingyu frowned and paused for a second, before chasing after you. “How did you know that? I don’t think I’ve told you-”
“Those arms don’t lie, Gyu.” You said with a wink, stopping in front of your door as you rummaged through your purse for the house key. “And besides, Seokmin keeps me updated with his pictures-”
“What? Seokmin has been sending you gym pictures?” Mingyu gasped, feeling his head spin. You just laughed at him teasingly as you walked into the house, a sound which made Mingyu’s stomach somersault but right now his head was in a whirl. “Y/N! Answer me!”
“And what will you do if I say yes?” You said, amused at his reaction as you placed the bag of food carefully on the dining table before turning to you. Your one hand was on your hip, the other on the edge of the table and you were smiling at him brightly, eyes crinkling at the corners. 
You looked so, so pretty that for a second Mingyu had forgotten to answer your question. It was only when you raised your eyebrows at him did he realise he was staring, and quickly looked down so that you wouldn’t see the heat creeping up his cheeks. 
“Uh, it doesn’t really matter to me.” And it shouldn’t have mattered. Mingyu knew that Seokmin and you were just good friends, and that Seokmin was really faithful to his girlfriend but still, he couldn’t help feeling disgruntled about it. Why couldn’t it be his gym pictures you were asking for?
“Uh huh.” He heard you say, but it sounded closer than before. Mingyu looked up and almost jumped back, because you were so close to him now, that he could almost count the number of lashes on your eyes. He inhaled your scent; you smelled like his soap. But he never knew his soap smelt this good, never knew its scent could be this intoxicating, slowing down his reactions as you beamed at him mischievously. How the hell did you manage to smell better than him in his soap?
“You don’t need to pout so much, Gyu.” You said, cupping his cheeks as you scrunched your nose at him fondly. Despite being six feet, Mingyu felt like a small puppy in your arms, waiting for its master to pet it. It was taking all his resolve not to wrap his arms around your waist and kiss you, or even melt into your touch this easily. When did he become so whipped for you?
“You know,” You began a bit absent mindedly this time as you dropped your arms and took a step back from him. “You look very cute when you pout. But I don’t want you to be sad on my behalf, Gyu.”
Mingyu blinked at you. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, me being sad isn’t your fault Mingyu. My breakups, getting wasted or even jumping into relationships so hastily isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself.”
“What are you talking about, Y/N?”
You turned your back towards him and walked back to the dining table, carefully taking out the lunch boxes he had packed for you. “I see how you look after each break up. You look so hurt, more hurt than even I feel and somehow that hurts me more. I hate seeing you so hurt. It breaks me-” You inhaled sharply, trying to control the trembling in your voice. “I hate calling you each and every time, I hate leaning on you so much, I hate dumping all my sorrow over you. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I fucking hate it so much.”
“But- But” He began, still not sure what you were trying to say. His mind was in a whirl and it was hard getting out the thoughts in his head. “But I already told you many times that I don’t mind picking you up. I don’t mind being beside you whenever you go through these! If I don’t do these, then who will?” 
“And I hate seeing you sad.” You finally turned to face him and Mingyu felt his heart drop. You were…crying? “If you stop being sad, then I don’t mind you coming over to me. Otherwise…I feel selfish. I always feel like an awful person and I hate feeling like this so much. I’ve just wanted you to be happy, you know that Gyu.
He snorted. “Well, you are being selfish. You can’t stop me from doing this much for you. Do all our years of friendship mean nothing to you?” What was wrong with you? Why were you saying such things to him? Each word that escaped your mouth felt like a slash on his heart, like all the things he had done for you as a friend, as a person he loved and trusted, had meant nothing to you. 
“Gyu-”
“No, don’t start again! Don’t okay, don’t! You don’t get to decide what I feel or what I want to do for you! You are being selfish if you think it’s okay for me to stand back and watch you fall apart.”
“Mingyu, please listen to me-”
“If you care about my feelings then stop breaking up just like that!” He yelled. The silence that followed was almost deafening and as Mingyu watched your tears fall more, he realised that he too was crying. His whole body was shaking as he clenched his fists, feeling an anger he had never felt before coursing through his veins. 
Why did he do that? Why did he say that? Why was he feeling so hurt over your statement? Yes, you were being selfish by telling him to stand back and watch you cry every time, whether he loved you romantically or not. 
But it hurt him more that you were so ready to give him up was like a huge blow to him. And because of what, it made you sad?
He swallowed thickly, breathing in slowly as he tried to calm down his racing heart. “If- if you want me to be happy, focus on yourself first. After all, it was you who started it.”
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“And one kilogram of cheddar cheese.” Wonwoo said, and Mingyu reached out to take the last slab of cheese kept in the open freezer, but instead he found himself holding someone else’s hand, who was holding the cheese he was about to grab.
He immediately jerked his arm back and turned to profusely beg for forgiveness, but froze when his eyes met the other person, who too was staring back at him with a look of shock. 
Your eyes averted down to your shoes as you took a step back almost immediately, clutching the part of your wrist he had just held. And he would have kept staring at you, trying to think of something to say after last week’s fight if it wasn’t for the sudden crash sound from beside you that snapped both of you out of your daze.
Mingyu turned to his right to see a curly haired girl staring back at the trio, all the items that were once in her hand on the floor now. 
“Ni!” You gasped, running towards the girl to help her pick up the things. Mingyu too moved forward to help but Wonwoo was the fastest among the three, picking up the groceries and handing them to her.
As she took it slowly from his hands, Mingyu all of a sudden realised that she wasn’t staring at all the three of them, she was staring at his roommate. At Wonwoo.
His eyes darted to you and you too wore an expression of shock and surprise, as your head moved between Ni and Wonwoo, as though finally understanding the situation.
“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked, the question snapping her out of her trance as she looked away, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Then turning back to him she nodded a little, before asking, “Are you okay?”
Wonwoo blinked at her for a second before she realised what she had just said, flushing once more as she furiously corrected herself again. “I-I mean, thanks a lot. For helping me, I mean.”
Mingyu looked at you once again and smirked, as you too mirrored back his expression. He very well could see where this situation was going and for once he hoped that Wonwoo wouldn’t screw it up.
“No problem.” Wonwoo said, before looking back at Mingyu. “So, uh, Mingyu should we-”
“Oh hey, are you sure you don’t want any help?” Mingyu interjected, signalling at Ni with his eyes, hoping she would get the hint. “Like um, do you want any help getting stuff from the top shelf because-”
because you are short? Was that rude? Was he overdoing it? But like he was blessed to have you as his best friend, you came to his rescue immediately. “Because you are short! And Wonwoo is tall! There’s nothing wrong in asking a sexy, handsome, tall man to help, right?”
Mingyu had always thought it was your charming personality and unearthly beauty that got you the long list of lovers but now he made a mental note to add smooth talker to it. Because while he was sure that if he had said that statement Wonwoo would have said no, he could literally see the wheels in his roommate’s brain turning as he mulled over your words.
“Sure.” He said, turning back to give Ni a smile. “Where’s your grocery list? I could help you.” Saying that he turned to look at you, tilting his head as he said something to you through his eyes. You pursed your lips a bit but looked at Ni and gave her a smile.
The two of them then disappeared down the aisle, leaving Mingyu alone with you, the coolness from the freezer all of a sudden disappearing as he felt the awkwardness settle in.
It had been a week since the argument the two of you had but none of you had made an approach to talk it out. And now seemed to be the perfect time to talk about it but once again the two of you just stared at the floor, waiting for each other to break the ice.
“Uh, so about that day…” You began, as both of you looked up at the same time. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean, yeah, even I’m sorry so-”
“Well you shouldn’t be.” You interrupted him. Then taking in a deep breath, you stepped closer to him, looking down again. You looked so nervous and confused, as though you weren’t sure of how to apologise to him.  “I mean, you shouldn’t be sorry because you were right. You were trying to help me, but, you know- I’m trying to sort out my feelings still, trying to find out what’s wrong and uh,-”
“Hey.” He said softly, putting his hands on your shoulder causing you to look up at him. You looked so sorry that Mingyu almost forgave you then and there. But he knew the two of you needed to talk it out so instead he said, “How about we talk about this after a few more days? I think we both are affected by this so I think we both should sort out our feelings and thoughts and then talk about it. You’re right, I do get hurt everytime I see and I know that hurts you too. But you very well know I can’t leave you like that, can I? If our roles were reversed you would do the same for me.”
You opened your mouth to say something but then closed it, slowly nodding as you let out a sigh and leaned in to rest your head on his shoulder. He felt his muscles tense as he inhaled in your scent, but relaxed almost immediately when you wrapped your arms around his waist. He did the same too, pulling you in closer as you stood like that for a few seconds before breaking the silence again with a chuckle.
“When did you become so mature, Mingoo?” You asked, causing him to groan. “Back when we were kids it was always me taking care of you. When did you grow up so much?”
“Hmmm, maybe if you took care yourself a little bit more-”
“Okay, okay!” You laughed, pulling away from him to look at him. You smiled at him softly, the familiar heat sparking in his heart as you nodded at him. “You are right. I promise I’ll get back to you in a few more days. Wait for me till then?”
I’m always waiting for you.
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“You guys are terrible.” You groaned, tearing the wrapper of the triangular kimbap. You glared at five men sitting opposite to you individually, before taking a bite of food in your hand. “This is not what I had asked you all for!”
“Blame that on Mingyu.” Seungkwan grumbled, shooting a glare in his direction as he picked up a fish cake bar and unwrapped it, dipping it into his ramyeon cup. 
Mingyu could feel the disappointed look of his friends on him, so he cleared his throat and tried to divert the blame away from him. “Come on guys. You all love eating at this convenience store. We’ve eaten so many times here during our college days! Doesn’t it bring back memories again? Just the five of us, meeting up after a month and enjoying a meal here? Can't you guys feel the nostalgia?” 
He felt you slap his shoulder lightly, and he grabbed it with an exaggeration. hoping that would make you soft for him and you would stop scolding him so badly. 
“Did I ask you to set up a reunion meeting? I asked you to pick a restaurant according to the guys’ convenience because I wanted to treat them!” You pursed your lips and glared at him once more, and the situation would have scared Mingyu out of his wits if he couldn’t hear Seokmin’s giggling from the corner. 
“Sheesh.” He muttered, rubbing his shoulder. He was used to being blamed by the group for the simplest reasons such as breathing in the wrong way but he really hadn’t meant to mess up your well intentioned plans. “It’s fine, just eat up. Think that we cannot afford to eat at those pricey restaurants right now and eat up. Besides, I know you guys love this. Weren’t you craving cup ramyeon even yesterday, Wonwoo?” 
Wonwoo froze in the middle of slurping his noodles, before putting it down and saying, “I said I was craving your noodles.” 
Mingyu let out a gasp, not expecting to be betrayed even by his own roommate, (it was evident Wonwoo hadn’t listened to his lecture about not betraying roommates) but it was swallowed by your laughter. He turned to look at you just as you stopped, chuckling at him as though still enjoying the joke. 
The dim lights of the neon signboard hit you at an odd angle, but it was enough to make you look like an angel. You let out a giggle as he stared back at you, the smile growing on his face involuntarily. He could see the tiredness from the entire day’s work on your face, but you kept smiling back at him with such tenderness and love that Mingyu felt like his heart was going to explode. 
Someone cleared their throat at the table, snapping both of you out of your daze and you immediately knitted your eyebrows back into a frown. “Oh gosh, Kim Mingyu! We could have been eating barbeque but now here we are stuck-” You said, shoving another fish cake packet to his face, “-eating this amazing, nostalgia inducing food!”
“Oh god, it brings back so many memories.” Seokmin sobbed, rubbing the corner of his (dry) eyes. Mingyu rolled his eyes at his friends’ dramatics, but he couldn’t help smiling at them. “It reminds me of the time Mingyu and I kissed.”
“Wha-” His voice was caught off as Seungkwan spat out the water he had been drinking, spluttering and gasping for breathe as Wonwoo thumped his back hurriedly. And even though Mingyu too was worried about him, the only thing he could do was let out a cry because unfortunately for him, he had been sitting opposite to the Seungkwan, causing all the spat out water to fall on his face.
“Seungkwan!” He cried as the table erupted in another round of laughter. 
“Oh my god Mingyu, are you crying? Don’t cry baby!” Joshua asked, mischief laced in his voice. Of all the seats I could have sat on, why did I pick the one next to Joshua? Joshua grabbed a few napkins from the table and began dabbing it on his face, cleaning his ‘tears’. “Don’t cry, Gyu. We’ve got your back always.” Then dropping his voice a little, he added, “You know we’ve been joking from the very beginning right?”
Mingyu took the tissues from his hand as he nodded, a small laugh escaping him as he rubbed the rest of his face clean. “You guys are mental.”
Suddenly he felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around his torso, causing him to inhale sharply as you leaned against his body, glaring at the other guys. “Yeah, why are you pestering my poor baby?” 
Oh god. Oh god. He tried to control his face from heating up, balling his fists so that he didn’t lose his senses due to your scent. Seungkwan must have noticed his sudden change in demeanour because he snorted and said, “That’s one big baby you have.”
“Besides,” Joshua said, pulling him away from your embrace and into his instead. “You were pestering him earlier too.”  
“Getting pestered is just Mingyu’s love language.” You countered back. “But of course, it should be only by us. Right Gyu?”
“I don’t want to be pestered by any of you though?” He said, to which Joshua pressed his finger to his lips, shushing him. “If we don’t pester someone as nice as you, someone who can always laugh it off because he knows we are just joking and we actually love him, who else will we pester?”
“Wow,” Mingyu said sarcastically. “You guys are such angels. I love my friends who pester me!” 
“I don’t pester you though?” Wonwoo said, causing ‘ey’s and ‘fucking liar’s to rise from around the table. He just laughed at them before raising his can of beer, saying, “To our friendship!”
“To our friendship.” Everyone echoed back, raising their drinks too, before taking a large sip of it. 
Mingyu could feel the alcohol slowly settling in his system, a pleasant buzz tingling his entire self. The rest of the night passed by with such speed that one minute he was still eating and joking with his friends and in the next minute he found himself walking beside you, taking you back home.
He had insisted on walking you back home despite your refusal, because apart from knowing that it was dangerous for you to walk alone at night especially in this slightly intoxicated state, he also knew that his own mother would kill him if she came to know that he had let you go just like that. 
Presently the two of you were walking through an uphill alley, you giggling at some old memory while he complained about the unfairness of it to you. 
Suddenly you grabbed his arm, causing his heart to skip a beat as you jerked him towards you, looking at him with shining eyes. 
“Gyu,” you whispered, even though there was no reason to do so, “Want to see something special?” 
“Special?” He asked, his voice a little higher than he had expected it to be. Your face was so close to his that he could almost feel your breath against his neck, gulping slowly to control his breathing. “We- we have work tomorrow. Don’t you think it’s a bit too late-”
“Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport.” You scolded him lightly, before smiling at him softly. He prayed to god that the warm, giddy sensation he was feeling in his body was due to the alcohol and not due to how you were smiling at him, eyes shining in a dangerous way as though you were about to show him a secret that was meant only for him.
“Okay.” He said, straightening up a bit so as to put some distance between the two of you. “But only if we come back within half an hour-”
“Oh, you can just crash in my house.” You said, all of a sudden giving him a light shove backwards. He looked at you in surprise as you suddenly took off, screaming at the top of your voice, “Race you to the top!”
“Why, you-” He began, before starting to run too, laughing at your dirty method of cheating. You knew you wouldn't be able to beat him, not when he had such long legs and had a much better stamina than you. But there was no way Mingyu was going to let you win, not when you had decided to win like this.
He caught up with you within a few seconds, throwing his arms around you as he pulled you into a bone crushing hug. You shrieked with laughter as the two of you stumbled, doing your best to break from his grip but all those days in the gym had truly paid off as all you could do was claw at his arms helplessly. 
“Okay! Okay!” You yelled, gasping for breath because of how much you were laughing. “You win! You win, okay?” But he still didn’t let go, burying his face into your shoulder as he giggled continuously. He could feel that he was losing his grip on you because of his sides aching due to his laughter, but you felt so warm in his arms, your clothes really soft and smelling like you that it made him pull you into him even more. 
In the back of his mind Mingyu wondered if the two of you were causing too much ruckus so late in the night, but all thoughts were pushed back when you suddenly turned in his arms to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck. 
Time slowed down as he felt his stomach drop as you beamed at him gently, a soft smile on your beautiful lips as you tilted your head a little, looking at him with nothing but pure adoration. He felt his arms instinctively tighten around your waist, his breath hitching slightly as you leaned into him, noses almost brushing. 
“This is it.” You whispered, your breath ghosting his lips. His mind was swirling as his heart raced, sure you could feel it with how close you were pressed to him. You smelt so, so good; it was enough to cloud all of his judgement. His knees had turned completely jelly at the way you were gazing at him, mouth slightly apart and it took him all his willpower to not drop you as you leaned your entire weight on him. 
“Wh- what is this?” He asked, finally finding his voice as he forced his mind to come back to the present. He had to focus. He couldn’t let himself sweep away because of this.
The corners of your lips curled up a little, an action Mingyu had always found endearing. “This is the special thing I wanted to show you.”
He blinked, trying to process your words. Tearing his eyes away from your face, he looked around slightly bewildered, still not understanding what you meant. 
You laughed lightly, and he could feel your chest rapidly rising and falling against his. “No, you idiot. Don’t look around. Just look at me. Us. We are the special thing I wanted to show you.” 
He inhaled sharply at your words, finally the meaning settling in.
You were right. What more could be special to him than the friendship between both of you? The two of you loved each other so much, admitted you loved him platonically, but still, it was such a beautiful thing. The two of your actions and mannerism had  been shaped by each other’s influences. He carried a part of you just like you carried a part of him.
“You're right.” He said, exhaling slowly as your eyes fluttered due to his breath. “You are so special to me, Y/N. I- I love you so much Y/N. I love you so much.” His chest contracted painfully when he said those words but he knew if he didn’t say them, he would combust even if you didn’t get the second meaning of these innocent words.
You sighed contentedly in his arms, before wrinkling your eyebrows in a frown. Then taking in a deep breath you said, “Mingyu, I- I’m terribly sorry for yelling at you that day.”
“What?” He asked, a little taken aback as he hadn’t expected you to bring that conversation back up for a while, and certainly not now. You just dipped your head low, until your forehead was resting on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I messed up big time. And I made you feel that I was using you.”
Something caught his throat at your apology, so he just chose to keep quiet and listen to you, opting to rub small comforting circles on your back instead.
“It’s just that I felt really bad seeing you look so sad on my behalf. Because of me. And I know I asked you back then to pick me up, not to feel hurt but you were right. Because like you said, even if it happened to you I would feel upset. Whether or not you ask me to stay out of it.” You finally looked up at him, lips slightly apart as your eyes ran all over his face. Even though you weren’t crying, he could see that your eyes had turned glossy. “And you were right. I know we already talked about this but still it was half assed so I feel like you deserve this apology. I want you to know that I’m truly sorry and I don’t want you to get hurt. The best way to make sure you aren’t getting hurt is to by making sure I just don’t jump into relationships. I was never a thousand percent sure of any of my relationships so far and yet I went into them and they all resulted in the same way. So I’m going to wait for the one that I’m a thousand percent sure about and only then go for it. How does that sound?” 
“Good.” He said, giving you a small smile. “I just want you to be happy and take care of yourself, okay?”
You smiled back at him and nodded, before pushing yourself away from his grip. His disappointment at the loss of warmth soon disappeared when you grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, until you were leading him into an empty park.
“This,” You said pointing at the sky. “Is what I actually wanted to show you by the way.”
“You…wanted to show me the moon? Something we could have seen from your rooftop and reduced the risk of freezing to death while walking through some lonely street?”
“Hahaha. Very funny. I’m pointing at the stars.”
He blinked at you, pretending to look offended. “I thought you said we were the special thing you wanted to show me?”
“Yeah, that too. But since you have a very kind and considerate best friend, I even wanted to show you the stars. And as a sorry for the bitch I was.” If you had said this in an alternate universe where Mingyu and you were dating, he might have dropped some flirty comment about you being the brightest star in his eyes or something but since he wasn’t, he decided to keep it to himself instead.
He followed your suit and craned his neck to see the night sky, not finding a single speck of light in the ink black sheet overhead.
“There’s no stars, though?” He asked amusedly, watching you as you swore and kept turning your head, as though changing the angle of observation might help you find one. “I did tell you years ago that light pollution has made it impossible, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, I know.” You muttered, still searching for them (Mingyu found it endearing on how persistent you were of showing him the stars and would have fallen for you more if he wasn’t already completely enamoured by you). “I just- I just thought since this was uphill and was a little empty it might be a good spot.”
That statement caught him off surprise. “You searched up for this place?”
Finally you gave up with a sigh, walking towards him in a dejected manner. “Yeah, yeah I did. I knew you would walk me home so I spent the entire night yesterday on Google Earth trying to find a good spot.” Your shoulder slumped a little as you sat down on a bench, Mingyu following suit. “I guess I should have come here physically and checked it before getting you here. Or looked around more on foot instead.”
“What the hell, I literally just told you it’s dangerous for you to roam around in the night on your own.” He said but it didn’t remove the pout from your face.
“I just wanted to show you how truly sorry I am. That I really, really want you to be happy.”
He reached over and grabbed your hand, giving it a squeeze. It was surprisingly warm despite how much the temperature had dropped, and he hoped that you too could find comfort in his warmth. 
“Don’t worry, Y/N. I already forgave you when you said you would finally prioritise yourself. Besides, I can already see Orion up there.”
“What?” You asked, your head snapping up. “Where?”
Mingyu laughed at your eagerness, before you let out a ‘Hey!’ and punched him lightly. “Oh please. You are forgetting that I’m an artist. The best artist you've seen, right?” He wondered for a second if you still remembered that incident from twenty years ago, when you had claimed that he was the best artist you had ever seen. 
Your lips stretched into a smile at the memory, causing his heart to jump that it was not only him that remembered such trivial things of your friendship. 
“Yeah,” You muttered, tightening your grip on his hand as you gently rested your head on his shoulder. “You are the best artist I’ve ever known. Will always be.”
As Mingyu rested his head against yours and closed his eyes, he realised just how special the word us was. 
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“Good morning, handsome.”
Mingyu swivelled on his chair at this weird greeting, only to find Seokmin leaning against the glass door frame, arms crossed over his chest with a rather flirty smirk on his face. He just groaned and rolled his eyes while Joshua just let out a small laugh. 
“What?” Seokmin asked, looking offended as his smile suddenly dropped, as though his girlfriend had just called him ugly. 
“Go back to work, Seokmin. Don’t you and Seungkwan have any sound effects to add to the last game?” Mingyu asked.
Seokmin just stuck his tongue out, before walking over to Joshua, who was still laughing at his antiques. “I wasn’t even talking to you. I was greeting Shua.” He said, and Mingyu rolled his eyes once again. 
“What brings you here?” Joshua asked, picking up one of the hundred cups of coffee he and Mingyu had kept in between them and handing it over to Seokmin. But Seokmin just shook his head, opting to take Mingyu’s sandwich instead. He raised his eyebrows a little at Mingyu, asking if he could eat it and the latter nodded. Seokmin took a bite of it, chewing slowly before sitting down on an empty chair.
“Sorry, can't really drink coffee much nowadays. And I already had one in the morning. Apparently it dries out your vocal folds and mucus.” He said. “Makes working for the entire day hard but what else can I do if we are so broke that us sound engineers itself need to record and compose apart from our usual role?” 
“Don’t let Wonwoo hear you about us being broke.” Mingyu chuckled, before remembering about the other person in the sounds department. “Oh my god, how is Seungkwan surviving then?”
“He says if he drinks it in excess it will nullify the effect.”
“Oh shit, Seungkwan’s going to retire even before we hit mid life crisis.” Joshua joked. 
Seokmin too smiled before pointing at all the coffee cups on their desks. “Well looking at all those cups, I can say the same about the graphics department to be honest.”
“Oh this?” Mingyu asked, pointing at the cups. “This isn’t for us, it's for watering the plants.”
“Heh.” Seokmin said, before standing up once he had done with the sandwich. “Then you guys will need more of it because we just got a whole new batch of houseplants.” He placed a file on their desk, clearly another new project, before saying, “God bless Y/N. She’s the best salesperson we’ve ever had.”
“Y/N gave this?” Mingyu asked in amusement, picking up the file to go through it. “She trusts us too much, considering the fact I already told her we still haven’t finished the last client’s game yet.” 
“It’s fine.” Joshua said, leaning back against his chair. “He’s a nice author. He literally told me, ‘It took me a lot of time to come with this huge storyline so I know it will take you guys even more time’.” 
“I wish Wonwoo would hire Y/N though.” Seokmin groaned. “He’s a great programmer and all but I just don’t get why he hates her so much. He was pretty fine with her at the beginning.” 
Mingyu felt his cheeks burn as Joshua said, “Isn’t it obvious? He can’t stand seeing Y/N use Mingyu even if she’s clueless. Personally, sometimes when Mingyu’s giving her puppy eyes, I want to scream, cry, throw up and shake her until she starts seeing his feelings.”
“Looks like Wonwoo isn’t the only blind one among us.”
Mingyu snorted at this, before adding, “I don’t give her puppy eyes by the way.”
“You really don’t know yourself then. You always looked like a dog to me.” Seokmin commented. 
“Wow. Wow. I’m going to take that as a compliment.” 
“Think whatever you want. Just because all those girls line up to see your biceps at the gym doesn’t mean I think you are handsome.”
“Are you salty that you had one less fan girl than Mingyu, Seokmin?” Joshua asked sweetly to which Seokmin just laughed. “No way, I have a girlfriend and they all know it. Me and Seungkwan are committed to our beautiful girlfriends. It’s always the two of you flexing your biceps a little too hard in front of them. At least Wonwoo is chad about it and not like you bitchless losers.”
“Oh no, are you forgetting Wonwoo’s new date? That cute girl he met at the grocery store? Also, it's not our fault you guys managed to find love at high school and college. Adult life wasn’t the fun and thrills they had promised us.” Mingyu complained. “Besides, I’m in a life long one sided love with my other best friend, not my fault.”
“Yeah, and I had a girlfriend too.” Joshua said, to which Mingyu and Seokmin deadpanned at him. 
“You mean you had a hook up with Wonwoo’s ex-secretary.”
“And she just quit the next day. Out of the blue. And no one would have known if Wonwoo didn’t grill us on if we did something to her. Hell he even made you write a thousand times that you will not have office sex. You are lucky it's just the five of us here.”
Joshua raised his arms defensively. “Hey, I told you I don’t know why she quit. I never forced her to do anything. I would never. But the question should be why does Wonwoo need a secretary when he’s actually at the same level as us? Just because opening a gaming company was his initial idea doesn’t mean that he is the CEO now. We all contributed.”
“Are we all rebelling against Wonwoo today?” Mingyu asked with a giggle. 
Seokmin pointed at the door. “Should I go get Seungkwan?” 
“Instead of the secretary, Wonwoo could have hired Y/N. Wasn’t she the topper of her class? I aspire to achieve her dedication.” Joshua said.
“In fact, she dropped this file personally this morning. Asked me to imitate her and wish you ‘handsome men’ a good morning once it got clearance from Wonwoo.” 
Mingyu’s mouth fell open in disgust. “You tried imitating her? God, that was so bad I thought you were flirting with us. You captured her horribly.”
Joshua pointed at Mingyu with wide eyes as he laughed. “See? This is why Wonwoo won't hire Y/N. She could straight up rob us and Mingyu will jump to her defence even then.” 
He rolled his eyes at them and finally looked down at the file in his hands, trying to skim through the content. Suddenly he felt bile rise up his throat and constrict his air passage as he read more and more, stomach dropping at the rather familiar storyline. 
“Oh my god, it’s so frustrating!” Seokmin cried, frustratingly wiping away his nonexistent tears. “Why won’t Y/N look at you?”
“Don’t you guys start too.” Mingyu mumbled, turning back to his desk. He had finally finished reading the storyline of the new game and the frustration of the scene suddenly hit as the air around him changed to seriousness, all the humour from before gone.
“What’s wrong?” He heard Joshua ask but he just shook his head, not wanting to talk about it anymore. 
“I’m sorry guys. We need to get back to work.” He said, before switching his computer back on. Through the corner of his eyes he saw Joshua pick up the file and lean in to read, Seokmin peering at it over his shoulders.
“Oh…” Seokmin said after some time. “Mingyu, I’m so sorry-”
“Don’t” He let out a humourless laugh. “Don’t. It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“No, you are not.” Joshua began angrily. “If Y/N would just-” 
“Just drop it please.” He cut Joshua off, closing his eyes as he buried his face in his palm. If Y/N could this, if Y/N could that, if only he was a bit more bolder-
“Even a game character manages to confess his love to his best friend and end up together. Just how- just how pathetic am I?”
He could feel his friend’s sad stares on his back and it just worsened his mood. Every bit of him just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. 
Why couldn’t he fall out of love with you? Why couldn’t he just stop loving you? Why did you have to be so goddamn perfect in every way that no matter how hard he tried, he still ended up pining for you?
“It’s just a game.” He said, his voice thicker than he had expected it to be. “It’s just a game. Let’s go back to work.”
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“This isn’t a date, by the way.” Mingyu clarified, causing the girl sitting opposite to him to give him a dry look. 
“It’s not. It’s a self realisation therapy from your pathetic love life.” She said, slicing into her meat. Mingyu winced at her words but couldn’t say anything back because, well, she was right. 
When Minghao had learnt that Y/N had broken up with her umpteenth boyfriend, he had decided to take matters into his own hand and asked (read: forced) Mingyu to go on a date with none other than Joshua’s sister, Julia. 
“If Joshua finds out you’re having a dinner date with me, you’re dead.” She said, as though being able to read his mind. 
“And if Wonwoo finds out I’m having a dinner date with his new secretary, I’m dead. In other words, I’m in a risky position of being murdered by my best friends.” 
At this, Julia laughed, the mood of the table finally changing from annoyance at being forced to randomly go on a ‘date’ to that of one Mingyu was used to whenever he used to play with her everytime he would come over to Joshua’s house. 
“It’s okay Dr. Black. I’ll find the culprit and make sure he gets what he deserves. You know how good I’m at Cluedo.”
“Yeah.” Mingyu said with a smile at the memory of the younger girl always defeating them at the murder mystery board game. “But the problem is Wonwoo is too smart while Joshua’s really creative. It might be hard for you to guess who did it.” 
“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m sure all twelve of them want you to be alive for a very long time so that you can get married to Y/N and grow old and boring with her.” She said, rolling her eyes.
“By the way, I’m amazed by all of their deduction skills. Except the four who always hang out with me, I mean. How did they all come to know?” 
“Duh.” She rolled her eyes at him. “It was so obvious that even Soonyoung didn’t need to blabber away. Hell, even I knew it before you realised it.”
“Wow, thanks.” He muttered. “Good to know that I’m obvious to everyone except that one person I wish would know.”
Julia chuckled, shaking her head a little. “You are to blame too. You always run to her beck and call no matter what.”
“That’s because-” Mingyu opened his mouth to explain but she just raised her hand, cutting him off.
“Don’t give me that crap about doing everything for your best friend. Because yes, you should be doing a lot of things for your best friend. But there’s a limit to everything, Mingyu. Knowingly or unknowingly, she’s trampling on your feelings. Excess of even good things isn’t healthy for us.”
His eyes dropped to his food, which suddenly felt unappetizing. He swallowed the food stuck in his throat, feeling a bad taste in his mouth. 
“But I- But I just don’t know how to tackle this.” He whispered, and Julia reached out to hold his hand lightly. He looked up at her and saw the sadness and sympathy in her eyes. 
“It’s okay.” She whispered. “It’s okay, Mingyu. We all come across situations where we might feel like we are being trampled by the person we love in some way or the other, even if it’s not their intention. And you know why that happens? Because in that scenario, they aren’t communicating with each other. But all relationships are made on understanding. How can the two of you even be friends if you can’t understand each other? And yet, it is not within our power to be able to completely understand every feeling, emotion and thought of the other person. At that time, you need to communicate. You need to speak out. Ever thought of dropping hints?” 
He stared at her. “ You…want me to confess to her?”
She shook her head once more.“Not confess, silly. Stay completely away from Y/N for a week or two. Sort out your thoughts. And then approach her. Objectively speak out your thoughts and feelings to her. She might be taken aback by it but it’s okay, give her some time. She’ll get back to you.”
“And what if she doesn’t?” Mingyu asked. His eyes must have been showing his fear because she gave his hand a gentle squeeze before drawing it and sitting back.
“Well then she’s not the one for you, nor is she a good friend. Whether she says yes or no doesn’t matter. And judging by how you are always by her side whenever she has a breakup, I’m sure you can accept her no too. But if she runs away without any proper response, then well it’s time to move on. You are a wonderful person, Mingyu. We all want the best for you.”
He gulped. “I know. I know. But it’s just so- just so hard, you know. I just feel like I’ll lose her. I just feel like I’ll lose.”
“Lose what?”
“Y/N. My love. My best friend. My everything.”
“You mean you feel like you are a lose-her.”
“Julia.” He said, though he couldn’t help but crack a smile.
“Okay, okay. Sorry. But don’t worry. In that one week you’ll stay away from her to organise yourself, I’ll be there with you and help you out. And I’ll make sure all the twelve of us do. You have to, Mingyu. You have to. You have to take a break from her. And think about everything clearly.” 
He smiled at her more brightly this time, head clearing up. She was right. “Yeah, yeah. I will. I will, don’t worry. What would I do without you? What would we do without you?”
“I know right.” She said, all the seriousness from a minute ago gone as she stuffed an entire piece of bread in her mouth. “This is why Minghao set you up on a date with me.”
“For the last time,” Mingyu groaned, “this isn’t a date. It’s a self realisation therapy from my pathetic love life.”
“-self realisation therapy from your pathetic love life.”
The two of them stared at each other as they said the exact same thing at the same time, before bursting out into laughter.
“See?” Julia said after a while, laughter slowly bubbling away. “You are already getting better as you slowly realise.”
“Yeah, sure.” Mingyu said. “Now let’s just hope Wonwoo or Joshua doesn’t kill me tomorrow itself when they find out about today’s plan.”
“By the way,” She said, biting into the last morsel of bread. “I’m curious about my job offer. Why did Wonwoo ask me if I wanted to become his secretary? Not that I’m complaining since I’ve always been envious of the projects Seokmin, Seungkwan, Joshua and you used to do but yeah, I’m just curious because this was quite sudden.”
“Oh that.” Mingyu coughed, not sure how he was supposed to answer this question when it could lead to his partial balding in case Julia pulled his hair in anger. “So, um, Joshua. He, uh, he had sex with Wonwoo’s old secretary so I guess he wants you to keep an eye on-”
“He did what?!” She spluttered, proceeding to stand up and then froze, eyes looking at something behind Mingyu in horror. 
Just as Mingyu was about to turn to see what had happened, someone behind him let out a yell.
“Taehyung, I already told you no!” 
The familiar voice caused him to turn faster than he had expected, and he nearly jumped out of his seat to get to you. In two strides he was by your side, yanking the man’s hand away from your arm.
He could feel your shocked face on him but he ignored it, choosing the focus on the man in his grip who was making his blood seethe in anger. “What the fuck,” he said, his voice coming out much lower than he had expected, “Do you think you are doing?”
“And who the fuck are you?” The man glared, trying to yank his hand out of Mingyu’s grasp but he just tightened it, not letting the man budge even a bit. Through the corner of his eyes, he could see a few staff come over to them to break the fight, but all he could see was red, especially when your next few words came out in a scared whisper. 
“G-Gyu.” You whispered and he felt a small tugging at his elbow. “You don’t have to-”
“Gyu? Oh, so you are Gyu? Well fuck off asshole before I beat the shit out of you for ending everything between us.”
“We ended because of you.” You said and Taehyung snarled at you, causing Mingyu to give his hand another squeeze, diverting Taehyung’s attention back to him. 
“You were just fucking paranoid, you bastard. Don’t even try to blame it on others. Y/N’s better off without you.”
“Oh yeah?” He sneered. “And how would you know that considering the fact you are the reason we broke up?”
What? As if I could even make a move on Y/N. But instead he said, “Is that so? Well good for her then. My girlfriend doesn’t need to date insecure idiots like you.” 
Mingyu felt the air around him drop as the three people around him (Julia had managed to pry you off him) stared at him, but he just prayed that you wouldn’t look very surprised and give away the lie.
In fact, he was sure Taehyun would begin laughing at their faces but that seemed to do the trick. His eyes darted between Mingyu and you, sputtering out words as his face reddened with each passing second.
“You- you- you cheater!” He began, pointing an accusing finger at you. “You liar, you slu-”
“That’s enough.” Mingyu growled, grabbing Taehyung’s collar to drag him out of the restaurant, which wasn’t so hard considering the differences in their builds (he never thought that going to the gym would help him out in this way). Once outside, he let go of the other man, eyeing him disgustedly.
“Stay away from Y/N.” He said flatly, pushing the man a little when he tried to hurl himself at Mingyu. He saw Julia and you come down through the stairs slowly, the former holding you gently as you made your way down. “If not, I’ll call the police on you and maybe even get a restraining order.”
“Fuck, a restraining order just because I want to get back to her? You are as fucking messed up as that bitch.” He growled.
“I will call the police right now if you don’t stop calling my girlfriend names like that. Besides, what you are doing is stalking. So get lost now before I actually remove the front two teeth of yours.”
Holding his wrist gingerly, Taehyung gave the trio another disgruntled group, before turning the other direction and walking away, muttering something about mental people ending up together.
As Mingyu watched his figure disappear down the street, he could feel the adrenaline rush quickly disappearing from his veins. The cool night air pressed against him as he felt his body temperature finally come down from its previous risen state, chest rising up and down as he tried to control his breathing slowly.
Mingyu turned to look at you, and felt his heart clench painfully as he took in your shrunken appearance, nodding vigorously as Julia whispered into your ear, rubbing circles on your back. Walking up to you, he took your hands in his and sighed, before asking, “Are you okay?”
Your eyes darted to his and stayed there, lips slightly parted, taking in his features as though it was the first time you were seeing him. You stared at him for a few seconds before Mingyu asked again, feeling worry cloud his mind. “Y/N?”
Saying your name seemed to snap you out of your trance as you jerked away from him, removing your hands from his as you rubbed your arms.
“Yeah.” You said, your voice strained as your eyes roamed over his face with an unreadable expression. Now he was getting really worried. What else had Taehyung done to you? Had it happened before? Though Mingyu knew about your obsessive ex, you had never mentioned to him about Taehyung disturbing you before. 
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said, finally looking down. “Thank you for pretending to be…my boyfriend.” The way you said ‘my boyfriend’ sounded foreign to Mingyu’s ears, like you were having difficulty pronouncing it. It did hurt him a bit but he was more preoccupied by the way you were acting.
He sighed, taking off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders. “You are not fine.” 
“I- I-” You opened your mouth to speak but then closed it, as though still trying to figure out whether or not you were okay. Mingyu could see your mind running in a million different directions so he figured it would be better if you could slowly jot down your thoughts in a more comfortable place.
Turning to Julia, he said, “I’m taking Y/N back home. I’ll drop you on the way, okay?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll take a cab. Don’t worry about me. Just get Y/N back home safely, okay?” She said, already taking out her phone to book an Uber. With a jolt, Mingyu suddenly realised how much Julia had grown up and that she was no longer the small girl who used to peep into her older brother’s room through the curtains.  
“Okay. But give me a call when you reach, okay?” He said as she waved them goodbye before getting into the taxi. Then turning to you, he gave his hand and you took it, though you were avoiding his eyes once more.
Even the ride back to your place was filled with silence and though Mingyu wanted to ask you about what had just happened, he could feel that your thoughts were completely preoccupied. It was only when he parked the car in front of your house did you speak up.
“Gyu.” You said, finally turning to look at him. He froze when he saw glassy your eyes were, your bottom lip trapped by your teeth as you bit onto it to prevent yourself from crying. 
“Y/N?” He asked worriedly, grabbing your hand with one hand as he cupped your face with the other. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Is it Taehyung? Did he hurt you? Has he done it before? When did it-”
“It’s not him.” You said with a sniffle, screwing your eyes shut as the first tear fell, leaning into Mingyu’s touch. He felt his heart squeeze painfully and he gently wiped away your tears with his thumb. “It’s not him. Don’t worry about him, it’s- He just happened to meet me here today and he started acting like that but it’s- but it’s-”
“It’s what?” Mingyu asked gently and you opened your eyes to look at him. Taking in another shuddering breath to control your tears, you said, “I- I just realised something this evening. And I- and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
Worry grew in him as he took in your words. “What is it? You can tell me everything, you know that, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” You whispered, shaking your head. You placed your other hand on his and gave it a squeeze, as though trying to find comfort in his touch. “I don’t even know how to say it though. I- I think I will mess it up.”
“Okay. Okay. It’s okay.” He whispered, slowly rubbing small circles on the back of your hand in an attempt to calm you down. “Breath with me. Breath Y/N. It’s going to be okay. I’m there right here. I’ll always be there for you.” 
“I know. I know. I just- don’t know what to do about it.” You rambled, still crying.
Mingyu’s mind was in a whirlwind. For the first time in twenty years, he couldn’t understand what you were talking about, what you were implying or what was making you cry. 
It was certainly not Taehyung. And it was definitely not something he had said or else you would have been uncomfortable around him. So what had happened this evening that had broken you down like this?
“Gyu.” You sobbed, leaning into the crook of his neck as you buried your face in his shoulder. “Gyu, I’m so sorry for this. I’m so so sorry.” Sorry for what? “Promise me you’ll never hate me. I can never hate you too. I’ll love you forever. But promise me you’ll love me forever too. No matter what happens. 
“I promise.” He said, the only response from you being your sobs getting louder as you dug your fingers into his shoulder deeply. And unlike all the other promises Mingyu had made to you, he intended to keep this one.
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“Hi.” Mingyu said with a smile, extending his umbrella over your head as he came and stood beside you. Though you were not getting wet, he could see that you were shivering slightly from the cold, rubbing your arms as the rain dripped from the narrow beam sheltering you and fell into the puddle forming right in front of both of you.
You looked up at him just as you sucked in a breath sharply, staring at him with such wide eyes that your pupils were completely blown out. He cocked his head to a side worriedly, smile faltering a little as you continued to stare at him. 
“Y/N?” He asked softly, taking a step closer until he could wrap an arm around your waist. “Are you okay?”
You blinked at him, looking away shyly as you muttered a small ‘yeah’, finger digging into your arms as you tried hiding your face from him. Mingyu frowned, taken aback by the sudden change of behaviour. Were you shy in front of him?
“Hey.” He said, this time a bit more louder as he gently tugged you towards him until he was practically hugging you, resting his chin on top of your head. He moved his arm up to your elbow, rubbing small circles on it, causing you to let out a sigh as you finally turned to him, burying your face into his neck. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” You muttered, wrapping your arms around his torso as though trying to engulf yourself in his warmth completely. He felt his heart squeeze at your endearing action, a chuckle escaping him as he let you stay in that position, enjoying the sound of rain.
“Is it Taehyung?” He finally asked, breaking the silence after a while. Your head shot up as you looked at him in surprise, as though caught completely off guard by his question. “Tae- What? No! Of course not. Don’t worry, I haven’t had the time to think about him.”
Mingyu hummed in response, asking you to go on. You rested your head against his shoulder once again, pausing a little as though thinking about how to go on. “I’ve been thinking about…something. Something else. A lot of things actually, so uh, I’ve been feeling tired for the past few days.” 
“Care to tell me what’s running in your pretty head so that I can lessen your burden?” He felt you relax into his touch but then stiffen almost immediately, slowly slipping out of his grip. He let the arm holding you drop as you made some space between the two of you, still close enough for him to feel your body warmth. 
He watched you with worry as you chewed on your lips, before looking at him with a rather obviously forced smile. “Nope, you unfortunately can’t.” You said, the smile still plastered on your face. “It’s work related so of course it’s out of your domain.”
“Okay…” He said slowly, still uncertain but deciding to drop the subject for now. “So, uh, you said Chaewon wanted to see me?”
“She wanted to see us.” You corrected and even though you had meant it as a joke, Mingyu’s mind couldn’t help but replay that night when you had said us was the special thing you had wanted to show and he felt his heart lighten up a bit at the reminder of it.
But in front of you, he rolled his eyes. “Fine, us. Why did she want to meet us?”
You shrugged. "Said she had to give us somethi-"
"Mingyu!" Someone called him just as he felt a new arm drape around his neck, its owner wedging herself between him and you. He blinked for a second as the heavy smell of perfume and loss of warmth overtook him, before smiling back at the woman flashing all her teeth at him. "How are you?"
"I'm good. What about you, Chaewon?" He asked, gently detaching himself from her powerful grip. "How's work?"
"It's being a pain in the ass so of course I'm not fine." She said with a laugh that Mingyu too returned (politely). “Anyways, I’ve got a surprise for both of you!” 
“Yeah, yeah. You’ve been going on and on about the surprise but what is it actually? You said, rolling your eyes a bit. Mingyu had never realised how cute you looked when you were annoyed but right now, you looked absolutely adorable, with your eyebrows slightly knotted together as you huffed out a breath. 
“So…” Chaewon drawled, looking at either of them once before pulling out something from her pocket. “I got you us tickets for the 9Muses!” 
Mingyu blinked at her, feeling his cheeks pull into a smile as a new found excitement erupted in his heart. “Wait- 9Muses? Really?” 
Chaewon smiled back at him superiorly as she waved four tickets in front of his face. “Yeah, yeah. I know, I’m awesome. You can thank me later on when you and your future girlfriend finally hit off.”
The last statement caused him to pause, eyes darting to you as a force of habit before looking back at Chaewon in surprise. “Future…girlfriend?” 
She meant you, right? It wasn’t the first time people had mistaken the two of you for a couple but Chaewon had known you since college which could only mean that she was referring to-
“I’ve set you up for a blind date!” She said excitedly, but Mingyu could feel the colour draining from his face as an ugly sensation rose up his throat. “That’s why I actually have four tickets-”
“You did what?” You asked, causing him to look at you in surprise. You were looking at Chaewon in complete shock with your mouth slightly open, as though you could not believe what she had just done. Chaewon too seemed to be taken aback by your reaction, because her next few sentences came out in a stammer. 
“I- I thought- You told me you were sad that Mingyu was never in a relationship so I thought- “
“I-” You began, but stopped when you looked at him, immediately averting your eyes to the ground instead. Something was wrong. Something was bothering you from the very beginning but Mingyu could tell that something about this proposal had upset you even more. But what was it? Did you not want to go to the concert? 
“Yeah. Yeah I did say that.” Then looking up at him, you gave him a smile, though he could see that you were battling with something deep inside. “You should totally take that person out as you date. Who knows, you both might hit it off really well, huh?”
Even though he had prepared himself for this very situation many times before, these words coming from you still hit him with a blow. It had been years since he had gone on a date with your friend Suji and yet it still hurt him freshly that you were this eager to give him away to someone else so readily. He was still okay with you always dating someone else but everytime you would try to get him to go out with someone, it would hurt him even more.
But instead, he smiled back at you and nodded to your words. “Yeah, who knows? We might actually end up dating.” 
You laughed at his statement, hitting him on the shoulder lightly. “Oh my god, I can’t wait to babysit my nephews and nieces.”
“Excuse me?” Mingyu gasped, giving you a look of disgust. “That’s too far, don’t you think?” 
“Well, you are such a gentleman that it would be stupid for anyone to let you go.” Chaewon commented with a smile and Mingyu felt his cheeks heat up a little. 
“It’s nothing like that.” He muttered. He felt you reach out for his hand and give it a squeeze, causing him to look at you. You smiled at him softly, before saying, “Don’t say that, Gyu. You are the kindest and sweetest person in this world. Anyone would want to be with a wonderful person like you.”
Then why don’t you want to?
But before he could retort to your compliment that had him almost weak in his knees, Chaewon clapped both of you on your backs. “Okay, then! It’s decided. I’ll send you the details later on, Mingyu. See you on Sunday!” 
“Yeah, bye!” Mingyu waved at the two of you as Chaewon produced an umbrella (practically out of nowhere) and wrapped an arm around you and darted across the street. He watched the two of you with a smile as you struggled to keep up with your friend’s pace, finally breaking free from her grasp when you both reached the other end. Turning back, you waved at him one final time before slipping into your car.
He waited for your car to completely disappear down the street before stepping out into the rain himself, his heart weighing down more and more with each step he took. 
Time to brace yourself again, Mingyu. 
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“Perfume. Check. Breath mints. Check. Keys. Check.” Mingyu muttered, going over his things that he was supposed to carry one last time before he actually left. Glancing at the mirror one last time, he smiled to himself, patting down his hair to fix his hairstyle.
Be happy, Mingyu! You are going to a 9Muses concert. And you look fine. 
Then why doesn’t Y/N think I look good?
The very reminder of you brought up the bile to his throat, his smile dropping almost immediately as he let out a sigh. Exhausted, he crashed onto his sofa massaging his throbbing temples that had been hurting ever since Friday due to his complicated thoughts.
He was going to go to the concert of his favourite band. With you. And with a pretty girl that could potentially be his future girlfriend if things went well tonight. 
Then why did he feel like throwing up at the very thought of holding someone else’s hand that wasn’t you? Why did his skin crawl at the thought of smiling, laughing and flirting with someone that wasn’t you?
He felt so sick that a small part of him didn’t even want to go to the concert now. The fact that he would be on a date with another girl with you right beside him was suffocating him so much that he really felt like he was going to die.
He could feel himself shrinking back to his fifteen year old self, when he was on a date and he felt like throwing up. Back then he didn’t know why. But now that he did, it felt even more worse. 
Mingyu glanced at the clock on his wall, before closing his eyes to calm himself down. He still had an hour to go and pick up Yoobin and then drive to the concert. If he could just-
The doorbell suddenly rang, jerking him out of his thoughts and he sat up straight, frozen as to what to do next.
Who could it be at this time? He wasn’t expecting anyone. It certainly wasn’t Wonwoo as he had gone for a week to live with his parents. Lately, there had been a lot of burglaries in his neighbourhood. It couldn’t be…?
“Snap out of it.” He muttered, slapping himself lightly before getting up to go and get the door. He was sure that it was a dinner delivery at the wrong address and swung open the door, ready to tell the delivery man he was at the wrong house. 
But when he opened the door, he found himself staring at you, you who were completely dressed up for the concert and definitely not supposed to be here, you who looked so stunning that Mingyu momentarily forgot to speak until you broke the silence. 
“Don’t go out with her.”
“What?” Mingyu asked, snapping out of his reverie as he tried processing your statement. What were you talking about?
You took a step closer to him and repeated your statement. “Don’t go out with her. Yoobin. Don’t go out with her.”
You reached out to him but all he could react to your statement was by taking a step back instead, feeling even more confused about what you were talking about.
“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” He asked. You opened your mouth and closed it, before taking in another step towards him so that you were inside the house now. 
Taking in a shaky breath, you whispered. “Please don’t go out with her, Gyu. I know it’s very selfish of me but I-”
Swiftly, Mingyu closed the door behind you before pulling you close to him by your waist, cupping your face in his hands. “Hey,” he whispered, as you froze in his touch, eyes going glassy with tears. He could feel himself panicking at the thought that maybe someone had hurt you badly but he tried to keep himself calm. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong, love. You’ve been acting so different these few days and now this-”
“It’s because I love you.” You choked, tears finally streaming down your cheeks. “I love you, Gyu. I love you. I love you so, so much.”
Now it was Mingyu’s time to freeze. His brain seemed to slow down by a million years as a loud ringing filled his ears instead, stomach dropping like he was on a roller coaster. What did you just say?
You covered his hands with yours, gently removing them from your cheeks and holding them in yours instead as you whispered. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry Mingyu. I know I’m really selfish but please don’t go out-”
The rest of your rambling was completely cut off as he smashed his lips against yours, fireworks immediately exploding in his heart. He felt you drop his hands as you wrapped it around his arms, fingernails digging into his skin as you held onto him while you kissed him back as passionately as he was kissing you. Every bit of Mingyu’s perception was drowned out as you took over his senses, and the only thing he could think and feel was you, you and you.
He ran his one hand fervently against your back while the other pulled you impossibly closer by your waist. His entire skin tingled as you ran your mouth over his again and again, tangling your finger in his locks. 
Mingyu couldn’t believe it. He just couldn’t believe it. If it wasn’t for the excess blood pumping to his ears and his heart threatening to swell and burst out of love and happiness, he would have been sure that this was just a dream. 
Finally, you pulled away, gasping for breath, and the loss of warmth caused him to chase after your lips, desperate to get back that euphoric feeling of kissing you.
You laughed lightly as you placed a hand over his chest to stop him, tears once again flowing down your cheeks. Mingyu rested his forehead against yours, cupping your face gently with one hand as you leaned in to his touch even more. 
“I waited for you so long.” He whispered, and you screwed your eyes shut, nodding to his statement. “I loved you for so, so long. So long.”
“I’m sorry.” You whispered back, opening his eyes to look at him. “I’m so sorry I never realised I loved you and even when I did, I didn’t approach you.”
At this, Mingyu shook his head, resting both of his hands on the small of your back as you cupped his face, staring at him so softly and with so much love that he could feel his knees going weak. “Don’t apologise. I just- I just wish that I had kissed you in a more romantic setting-”
“Oh, Gyu.” You said, brushing your lips against his, causing his brain to short circuit once again. “This was the best kiss I’ve ever had. It’s you who made it so romantic. Doesn’t matter that I barged into your house an hour before we left.”
“I think it should matter.” He said with a pout. “After all, you did barge into my house.” 
You pressed a quick kiss on his lips in response. “And what should I do to make up for it, baby?” 
Mingyu didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with you more than he already was but somehow, impossibly, you calling him baby had him falling for you even more. The entire world around him had dimmed as he could see only your face, eyes shining and lips quirked in a cocky smile. 
He didn’t even realise he was staring at you until you reached up and kissed him softly again, closing his mouth that had been slightly open. “Gyu.” You murmured. “I asked you a question.”
“Huh?” He asked, too busy kissing you back. Was your heart supposed to dance like this whenever you kissed someone? He wasn’t even sure if his stomach dropping so much as your hands ran over his back was a good sign.
“I asked what I should do to make it up to you.” 
Oh. His eyes flicked to your lip gloss smudged lips, which were swollen and this time Mingyu felt a different kind of feeling spark in his heart. A desire to ruin you even more. 
“Well,” he said, kissing the corner of your lips. “You could let me worship you.” Another kiss on your jawline, causing you to sigh. The sound shot up a shiver down his spine and he wondered if he would be able to survive even the night. “Let me show you how much I’ve loved and wanted you for all these years.”
“Yes, but,” you said, pushing yourself away from him. “I should be the one making up to you.” Saying that, you pushed him, not too hard, but enough for him to stumble back and fall on the sofa (thank god the sofa happened to be there. Mingyu wasn’t sure if he would be able to live with the embarrassment had he fallen on his ass instead.)
He watched you in awe as you climbed onto his lap, straddling him as you wrapped your arms around his neck and he found himself grabbing you by your waist to pull you in closer. You looked so sexy that Mingyu was sure he had ascended to heaven.
You leaned down to capture his lips in yours again, feeling your thumb gently stroke his jawline. He could taste your lip gloss, igniting that fire in the pit of his stomach again as he licked your bottom lip to get more of it. 
You opened your mouth a little more and his tongue accidentally slipped in, and Mingyu couldn't help but dig his nails into your skin in an attempt to cover up his groan. Your mouth was so wet and warm against his, tongue gliding over each other’s as you both fought for dominance.
He quickly broke the kiss, before moving to kiss the soft skin right below your ears.
“Gyu…” You hummed, the sound sending a shiver through his dick. He really wanted to elicit more of those sounds from you now, so he grazed his teeth lightly into the skin, causing a gasp to escape you. Immediately he soothed the area with his tongue, your gasp turning into a very low moan as pulled at the locks of his hair near his neck. “Gyu, I love you so much.”
“I love you too. I’ve always loved you, angel. And I’ll love you forever.” He whispered back, leaving trails of kisses on your neck as he moved downwards, finally stopping at the hollow of your neck. By now, he had realised that the best way to get you undone was by grazing his teeth against your skin and then soothing the area with his tongue. 
But when you shifted slightly on his lap to move even more closer for him, he felt his dick twitch and another groan escaped him. It felt so good, and so, so right doing this with you, whatever the two of you were even doing. Your head was completely thrown back as Mingyu marked love bites all over your neck, gripping on his hair as you grinded down on him. Your moans had gotten much louder by now and with each sound he got out of you, he could feel his dick getting harder and harder. 
Each time your cunt rubbed against his dick, mingyu felt a small relief wash over him but it just wasn’t enough; he wanted more of it, more of you and he wanted you to want him equally as much. 
“Gyu.” You whispered, all of a sudden, causing him to pause. He looked at you with widened eyes, panic gripping him that he had done something wrong. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“Can you- can you take off your shirt? If you are okay with it? Or else-”
“Yeah, I’m okay with it, princess. A hundred percent okay. Okay with whatever you do.” He said, reaching downward to pull off his shirt but felt your hands stop him, causing him to look at you in surprise.
You were looking at him with guilt and a bit of sadness, before you reached down to press a soft kiss on his lips.
“Don’t say that, Gyu. Don’t say that, please. I’ve been hurting you all these years. Knowingly or unknowingly. So don’t- don’t say that, okay? I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” You said.
For some reason, Mingyu felt his heart soften at your words. It was like a huge knot that had tangled his heart, not allowing it to beat and causing him pain for all these years had finally opened, releasing him from all pain. He smiled at you and nodded, and you slowly let go of his arms, allowing him to take off his shirt finally.
Mingyu always knew he had a great build. He took pride in how well he took care of his body and was kind of used to people complimenting him.
But nothing prepared him for the way you were looking at him right now, like he was some god who had just materialised in front of you. As soon as his shirt was off you sucked in a deep breath, your teeth sinking into your lower lips. Your eyes flicked all over his body, pupils darkening as you took in his physique.
He had never felt so bare in front of anyone and yet, it felt really good being like this in front of you. You lifted your hand slightly and placed it in front of his chest, looking at him for permission. When he nodded a yes, you let your hand finally touch, fingers trailing gently over his toned chest.
It was like you had set his skin ablaze; he could feel where your fingers had trailed against his now warm skin. A low moan escaped his throat when you gently brushed your finger against his nipple, causing you to smirk. Fuck, you were so hot.
“You are so handsome, baby. And so, so hot.” You said, leaning down to kiss his jaw this time. Another moan escaped him as you too repeated his action, sucking on the soft skin of his neck before licking it with your tongue. Your hands that were roaming all over his body were making his skin hotter with each second, which was doing nothing to give relief to his achingly hard dick. 
“Can you take these off for me too?” You asked sweetly, tugging at his belt. Though he was mildly annoyed that you had climbed off his lap, resulting in the loss of your touch, he quickly jumped off the sofa and undid his belt, shimmering out of his jeans before turning to look back at you.
Your eyes now flicked all over his body as you took in his entire appearance, and he felt his dick twitch under your gaze. Your eyes then moved up to meet his, smiling so tenderly at him that Mingyu had to sit back down to make sure he didn’t melt into a puddle then and there. You climbed back onto his lap, straddling him as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“Hi, love.” You whispered with a smile, bumping your nose against his. 
“Hi.” Mingyu said, mirroring back your smile. 
“Can I ride you?” 
He found himself nodding to your question, anticipation eating away his heart as you tugged onto the band of his underwear, and he raised his hips a little as you both pulled it off. A tiny bit of relief flooded him as his hard dick sprang free, finally able to breath a little.
Mingyu watched you as you took him in with hooded eyes, letting out a sigh of relief as you brushed your thumb against his now angry red tip, already leaking with precum. 
“Aren’t you- Aren’t you going to take off your clothes?” He asked and you shook your head in negative. “After some time. You’re so pretty, Gyu.” You replied, wrapping your hand around his length and giving it a gentle squeeze. He thought he could see stars as his head fell back with a groan, hips jerking up to chase your hand as you removed it.
“Don’t tease me.” He hadn’t meant it to come out as a whimper, just as a request, but right now he was so desperate for you that he didn’t care if he sounded this pathetic. 
“Sorry baby.” You said, but you were smirking, clearly enjoying the power play here. And for that reason, that made him even harder (if that was even possible) for you. You raised your hip up and slipped your hand underneath your skirt to pull your panties aside. 
Then slowly, you sunk down. He felt your warm and wet pussy envelope just his tip, and a groan ripped from his throat at the feeling. Your hips too stuttered as you let out a moan, pausing to take in a deep breath. Mingyu could see that you were fighting with yourself to not sink in completely from the way your nails were digging into his shoulders. 
He didn’t know what came over him but he was so done with playing gentleman with you, so tired of not being able to feel you fully, so sick of keeping himself away from you that he found himself grabbing your hips and pulling you down as slowly as he could.
When you finally bottomed out, the two of you letting out a moan in unison. Mingyu’s eyes rolled back as he felt your warm walls flutter around his length, trying to adjust to the size. The erratic squeezing was not helping him keep his composure and he could already feel his balls squeezing, ready to let go any second from now.
“Mingyu.” He heard you whine, the sound shooting straight up to his brain as his eyes snapped open to look at you. You looked back at him with complete adoration, and Mingyu felt his insides melt, leaning towards you to capture your lips in his.
The kiss was short lived though; as you raised your hips slightly, before bringing it down with a slam. He broke the kiss to groan loudly against your lip as your pussy clenched around his length once more, before you swallowed his moans with another kiss. 
He felt your hot tongue slip into his mouth, drowning all his moans as you raised your hips once again and brought it down. Gently, you picked up the pace, a small pressure forming in his lower abdomen. 
“You’re so beautiful, do you know that?” You whispered, his moans increasing as you sucked his lower lip. “So, so beautiful and so perfect. I love you so much Mingyu.” 
Mingyu felt his balls tighten at your words, the knot in his stomach growing tighter and tighter as you whispered soft praises into the skin of his neck, sucking and marking at the soft skin. 
“I love you. I love you too.” He whimpered back, burying his face into the crook of your neck. You ran your hand through the strands of his hair as he clutched your waist, trying to find something to ground himself too. The coil was getting too tight, too tight for him to hold himself back and you squeezing the life out of his dick was definitely not helping the situation. 
“Are you- are you close, Gyu?” You asked, and he nodded. You felt so good, just so good, with the way your warm and wet walls were pulsing around him, causing ecstasy to shoot through his veins. 
But now he could feel you slowing down a bit, obviously tired from riding him. You didn’t say anything though, and Mingyu could see you were trying to live up to your promise. So instead he relaxed into the sofa a bit more, before snapping up his hips to meet you halfway.
The sound that ripped through your throat was like music to his ears and he could feel himself threatening to burst, body threatening to snap under the intensity of pressure he was feeling.
“Baby-” He gasped. “Baby, I can’t- I can’t-”
“Let go.” You choked, slamming your lips against his to steal his breath away.
And that was enough for the coil in his stomach to snap. White hot pleasure coursed through his veins as a ringing sound took over his ears, all senses hindered as he lost himself in the bliss. Another groan stumbled out of his lips as you too finally came, doubling his pleasure as you coated his cock with your warm liquid, squeezing it as though to take in all his cum.
He wrapped his arm around you more tightly so that now both of your bodies were practically one, sweat and cum mixing with each other as both of you tried to catch your breaths. 
After some time, Mingyu felt you ruffle his hair lightly and he finally peeled away from you, only to look up at you. You gave him a tired smile and he felt his heart squeeze, wondering for the millionth time how he had ended up with an angel like you. 
“Hi.” You giggled, brushing your nose against his as you fondly cupped his cheeks. 
He felt himself melt into your touch as he smiled back, quickly pressing a soft kiss against your lips. “What just happened?”
You laughed at his question and wrapped your arms around his neck, engulfing him in your scent as he buried his face into your neck.. The two of you stayed like that for sometime, just enjoying each other’s presence as the only sound heard was your rapid heartbeats and the sound of your slightly laboured breaths.
“I love you, Mingyu. Always had.”
“Hmm?” He hummed, kissing your collar bone. 
“Yeah. I realised that’s why I could never be in a happy relationship with anyone. And why they always complained that I wasn’t interested in them.” Your voice had dropped a little and he could sense your sadness, so he began rubbing soft circles on your back to calm you down. “I kept searching for you in them. I kept searching for you. And- and all this time- all this time I-”
“Shhh. It’s okay princess.” He whispered, looking up to meet your eyes. He smiled at you gently. “It’s okay princess. We are here together now, and that’s all that matters.”
You stared at him for a second, before whispering. “I hurt you.”
“You also hurt yourself, baby. But now, we can help each other out. We can pick up our broken pieces and fix them. This time, together.”
“Oh Mingoo.” You said with a soft smile. The old nickname reignited a flame in his chest, and all of a sudden, all the years he had spent with you, all the beautiful and sad memories the two of you had created together flashed before his eyes. “What did I do to get you?”
“No, what did I do to get you?” 
You giggled, leaning down to kiss his chin. “Thank you for waiting for me, Gyu.”
“What happened to Mingoo?”
“I thought you hated it.”
“I could never hate anything about you or anything that you call me.”
“So…I can call you mine?”
“Okay, stop.” He groaned, and you let out a laugh. “You’re terrible at jokes.” 
“God, and you think you’re very funny right?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him, as though it was a challenge.
“Of course! Do you know how many girls have come up to me at work and told me I’m so funny?” 
“There are no girls at your work. Only four other guys who bully you like shit.” 
“Fine, at cafes.”
“Don’t lie- Oh!” Your eyes widened in horror and Mingyu felt his stomach drop, panic seizing him. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt-”
“The concert! Your date!” You gasped, hitting him slightly on the shoulder. Then you began climbing off his lap but he caught you and moved you back, hands firmly on your waist as you struggled slightly. “Gyu, we’ll be late-”
“Oh, I don’t think we can go to the concert anyways. I’ll just text Yoobin about it.” You froze at his words, looking at him in complete surprise. “What do you mean?” 
“You still have to make it up to me.” 
Mingyu could see the gears turning in his head as you took in his words, before your lips broke into a smirk. “Right. Right, I do. But what about 9Muses? Aren’t they your favourite band?”
“No 9Muses can compare to me spending time with you. Besides, I can go to a million other concerts now that you are by my side.”
You laughed at his response, before asking, “Can we move to a more comfortable room then, sir?”
He felt his cock which was still inside your warm pussy stir to life once more at the nickname, and his head filled up with thoughts of how he could fill you up once again, make you feel good and make you his forever.
“Of course love. Can I- Can I ask you a question?” He asked as you got off him, nodding at his question as you tried to stand with your shaking legs. Mingyu quickly caught you before you stumbled and you wrapped your arms around him and smiled softly, almost causing him to fall instead because of just how pretty you looked. And because of just how much he loved you.
“Remember- remember our promise? To marry each other if we were still single when we are thirty? Will you- Would you-”
You cut off his statement by pressing your lips against his, but this was unlike any other of the kisses the two of you had just shared. This one was the softest, and yet the most loving kiss Mingyu had ever been given. He felt himself completely surrender to your unspoken confession, letting you glide your hand over his chest until you were cupping his chin, his own hands wrapped around your waist and back, engulfing you with his large body. A tiny realisation flickered at the back of his brain; that he was completely naked while you hadn’t taken off a single article of clothing, not even your panties, but something about your kiss made him feel safe and protected, as though being vulnerable was out of the question.
The two of your lips moved against each other ever so softly, like you had all the time in this world to make for what you had lost over the years. He could feel his heart swelling with love, and he felt his stomach drop with happiness when he felt your heartbeat racing too. 
Finally, you broke apart the kiss, looking up to him with soft, tender eyes. The fairy lights behind you were giving you a soft glow, and Mingyu was sure that he had just fallen for you even more. 
“Marry you?” You asked, and he found himself nodding at your question. For some reason, he was no longer scared of your rejection, and the sense of doubt vanished completely when you smiled at him softly. “Yes. Yes I will, Kim Mingyu. I’ll marry you any day and any time. I’ll marry you even if the world says no, even if the world is ending or even if we have to move far away from each other. I love you so much that I’ll marry you in a blink. You are the person I’m a thousand percent sure of. And I’ll marry you even with paper rings.”
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A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!  
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© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑  
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Prewar!Cooper Howard has a breeding kink because he loves being a dad. He and Barb married and started trying for kids later in life than most folks around them, so much of the sex they had, especially early on, was focused on getting Barb pregnant. If he'd had his way, they would have had a whole litter of children, but hey, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want. Still, there's the fun of trying, and there was a lot of trying. After the divorce, he's shocked when he meets someone else, and even more shocked when he feels those same urges with you. He's been trained to try and knock one in basically every time, he jokes.
At least, that's what he tells himself.
He's also incredibly possessive, and it drives him wild to think about getting to see you all swollen and filled out with his child. Particularly with you being younger that him; the ugly part of his brain is barking at him to stake a more permanent claim on you every time a guy your age so much as looks your way. Personally, he thinks he's too old to have more kids, but between his secret urges, your forgetfulness when it comes to your pill, and your twin high sex drives, well...sometimes accidents happen.
He'd be over the moon, once he knew you were happy as well (he would also worry about the news potentially being hurtful to Barb, but that'd be an issue for tomorrow). Showing you off in public, knowing that other people see how gorgeous you are and know you fully belong to him, it really gets him going, and you certainly take notice of how amorous he is when you're out together (combined with how vigorously he fucks you when you get home). Thinks you're insanely sexy pregnant and likes to watch you ride him with a big belly. You'd both better be a lot more careful about your contraception after the first baby if you don't want another, because getting to see you that way only makes his kink worse.
The Ghoul has a breeding kink because he's incredibly possessive. It's been literal centuries since he's come across anything in this world that he cares for enough to want to claim it, and you're officially claimed. He wants everyone, including you, to know that you belong to him and only him. Other ghouls can smell him on you much more strongly if he cums inside you, and he enjoys the way filling you full scratches his most primal itch. It's just an added benefit that he's almost positive he can't actually get you pregnant, but...there are records of ghouls reproducing with other ghouls. Haven't stranger things happened?
The little thrill he gets at the idea is just nature trying to take over.
At least, that's what he tells himself.
You'd be hard-up to get him to admit it, but he wants you to need him. He wants an excuse to baby you and pamper you and force you to let him do things for you without the vulnerability of admitting that he wants to do those things for you anyway because he's deeply in love with you.
You complain that your feet hurt during your journey for the day? He'll carry you everywhere you want to go from now until the end of time, if that's what you want. Stomach and appetite troubles? Name whatever you want, he'll find it for you, no matter how many caps he has to pay. Tired? "Of course you're tired, sweetheart. Let's stop for today. Here, sit down. Do you need some water? Eat this, you need some calories. Let me rub your legs and feet for you." It is endless and sort of surreal for you to adjust to.
Speaking of journeys, I think he also secretly wants to settle down a bit. He does already after he meets and falls for you, seeing how much the constant trekking back and forth across the irradiated desert takes out of you, and he definitely would want to do so expeditiously if you were pregnant. It's not like secure places don't exist in this world. He can keep you, and anyone else who may come along, safe just fine.
He'd be afraid to fuck you if you were pregnant, worried that he'll hurt you or make you sick or make something bad happen with the pregnancy. But if you reassure him, maybe beg a little, he'll do his best to make sure your urges are satisfied. Sit on his face and let him slide his tongue through your insanely sensitive folds, lie back and let him fuck you with those agile fingers while he jerks himself off. You'll miss being properly penetrated, badly, but you won't go without.
He wants an excuse to be even more protective of you than usual. Give him a reason to literally pluck men's eyes out for daring to so much as look at you, a reason to never let you out of his sight ever again. If you thought he was ready to commit violence to keep you safe before, you haven't seen anything yet.
I can't imagine it would be easy to have a big family in the Wasteland, but reminding him how much he loves being a dad would certainly have the thought on his mind.
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hisxthighs · 8 months
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KINKTOBER, october 20 — jungwon, phone sex
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includes: phone sex with jungwon, jungwon x y/n
while jungwon has been away on tour for a whole week now, he finally finds some free time before bed to call you. he had the hotel room to himself for an hour before any of the boys were going to be back, so he took the chance to call his girlfriend.
“won!” you excitedly say into your phone when you pick up his call.
“hi baby,” he smiles at the sound of your voice when he replies to you. “i’ve missed you,” he mumbles tiredly.
you can hear how tired he sounds which causes you to frown. “you’ll be back before you know it,” you encourage him through his journey of being away.
“two more weeks is so long though,” he whines.
something about his tired voice over the phone made you miss him even more. the things you wanted to do to him were unspeakable.
“i miss you so much,” jungwon says into the speaker, almost sounding seductive and you can’t tell if that’s what he meant to go for.
“how much?” you smile, closing your eyes while you wait for his response on the other side of the phone.
“you don’t even know… the things i’d do to you right now if you were here-” jungwons voice gets quieter near the end of his sentence. his hand is already squeezing his groin through his sweatpants which causes him to whimper a little.
“wanna explain it to me then?” you teasingly ask, your hand also making its way down your pants.
“someone’s horny,” jungwon softly chuckles into the mic making your heart skip a beat.
“i miss you, won- obviously i’m gonna be horny when you sound this hot through the phone.” your fingers glide up and down your wet folds, the sensitivity causing you to let out a moan at the end of your sentence.
“are you touching yourself?” he asks, his eyes closed as he imagines how you look right now.
“mhm…” you mumble.
“good, push a finger inside for me then.”
the way jungwon’s voice sounded right now was too much for you to control yourself. you obeyed and shivered at your own finger entering you. you imagined it being his, but your fingers weren’t as long as your boyfriends, whimpering and pushing a second finger in before he even asked.
you can hear jungwon heavily breathing on the other side of the line, realizing he was also touching himself. why wouldn’t he? — hearing his girlfriend touch herself to his voice — it didn’t take much to get him hard, especially when your voice is just too pretty to resist.
“god baby- i wanna be inside you so badly.” his hand moves quickly on his cock and you could swear you could hear how wet it is.
you moan at his words, arching your back while you try to push your fingers in even deeper. you missed how his cock filled you up. how it reached places your fingers can’t.
“fuck, jungwon- i don’t know if i can finish without you.” you’re frustrated at how your fingers aren’t enough.
“mhm? take your shirt off and rub one of your nipples. i know you like when i do that for you.” you think for a moment, deciding to give it a try. he continues to whisper little things into the mic telling you how much he misses you and how badly he wants to make you feel good. all his words only turn you on more, finally feeling like you’re getting closer.
jungwon rubs the tip of his cock with his palm, shivering as he lets out a loud moan. he quickly covers his mouth, embarrassed.
“god jungwon, someone’s gonna hear you,” you breathe heavily in between words, fucking yourself faster with your fingers.
“it’s fine… nobody’s here,” he moans as his hand moves faster. “can i cum? please.” his hips stutter.
“uh huh…” you moan quietly, hearing his loud moans through the phone as you hear him finish. jungwon squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip to quiet his noises down but his cock just feels too good. the way jungwon cried out into the phone helped you reach your high. he encourages you as you cum, telling you how good you’re doing.
when you finally come back to your senses, you hear jungwon laugh. “you make me wanna fly home right now to come fuck you.”
“two more weeks, won.” you sigh.
“nah, i can’t wait that long. see you in the morning baby.
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tomorrcwz · 3 months
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✰ BABY DADDY, L. HAMILTON
[ preview ] to lewis and yours excitement you're finally pregnant, causing not only happiness but also a slightly feral Lewis because of your body changes.
[ tw ] smut, pregnant reader (= sex whilst pregnant (honestly made me slightly uncomfortable but requested), soft sex, mention of jealousy + possessiveness on Lewis part, unprotected sex, fem oral, missionary, begging, slight praise kink
[ tags ] @e-nonsense for giving me the idea and this request 🖤 hope i did it justice and I might write a cute little smau for it too, just because I love soft lewis and I'm slowly converting to a lewis girly (pls send more requests for him or other drivers!!)
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. previous |minors do not read | masterlist .
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It's been quite a few months of free practice as Lewis likes to call it, before you finally held the white plastic stick in your hand with the word positive blinking on the screen, causing your man to tear up because of the excitement and relief that had rushed through his body. He had embraced you, whispering sweet promises of the journey that would begin now, telling you of plans before the baby arrives. You reduced working hours, enjoying the soft glow lulling you into motherhood.
It's a beautiful thing to witness yourself turning into soon to be parents and it's a whole lot of new experiences like renovating the guest room to fit it into your child's room, something that blesses you often with a shirtless sweaty Lewis building the furniture together. Meanwhile you sit in one corner of the room with a snack on the moss green armchair Kevin Magnussen's wife recommended you, gazing at the muscles flex as he moves around.
Another trait of Lewis shines brightly — he detests leaving your side, would rather choose to sit out a race than leave you all alone back in England, even though his mums as well as yours are there for you.
He also hates the amount of attention you get since falling pregnant; everyone likes to comment on you, friends like to touch your stomach as if his child would react to their touch — Lewis doesn't let go of you, having you close, almost hidden behind his massive build and pulls you away when people get to close to his liking.
And last but not least, it's impossible for him to keep his hands off your body, especially when your stomach shows, your breasts are fuller and the face slightly chubbier. "You're too stunning to resits, pretty girl", he'll mutter while pressing a soft kiss on your forehead, arms slung around your hips.
Whenever he's home you'd be woken up by his gentle whispering, telling your child of crazy yet child friendly memories around the track or of you, nuzzling his nose to your bump and kiss the faint strechmarks.
As of right now Lewis impatiently waits for your family to leave, his hands itching to touch you. The love your guests give you are making you glow and giddy, even more so than the first half of the week with only him, causing the ugly feeling of jealousy to strike within him. He knows he shouldn't feel like this but he wants to be your sun, not one of many stars shining on you.
Jealousy is a horrible emotion.
A delightful sigh escapes him as you hug your sibling goodbye before closing the door and falling right in his awaiting arms, bump pressing against his abdomen. Its innocent, you just want to feel his warmth, through your man has other plans and slowly drops his hands from your the small of your back to your perky ass, pulling the cheeks apart just to let them jiggle, which results in you snickering.
"You're horny again, Lew?", you sweetly ask, hands wandering to his braids, tugging them.
He groans and you feel him getting hard. "You know I can never not touch you. Making me all hot and bothered, specially like this, so full of me." His tone holds honesty and leaves no room for anything other than his endless love he showers you in as he guides you down the hallway and into your shared bedroom, where he clicks the lights on. He wants to see you when you take his cock and make a mess on it.
"I'm a lucky bastard, if not the luckiest, having you, the most drop deep gorgeous woman carrying my baby and to make love to you as long as you let me", he husks, "to kiss those lips, to touch your beautiful body."
He grabs the hem of your cute summer dress and then your underwear, gently removing both clothing articles from your body to see all of you. You're beautiful like this, naked and natural, blushing under the confession he has said and the avoiding of eye contact because he knows you're shy now.
"Lay down for me and spread those legs, yeah?", he whispers, still in awe of you.
You do as he says, body tingling as his eyes roam freely over you, taking you in, while taking his clothes off. Then he stags up to you, slothing between your legs and press a butterfly kiss on your sensitive pussy that has you whimper desperately. A hand of yours curls in his hair and you look down at Lewis, a blissful expression on his face as he has his eyes closed and his nose nugging your clit.
He's fully focused on making out with your pussy, pressing open mouthed kisses and slurping the juices like its his last time. Hands roam your body until your legs close around him, and he pulls them apart, holding them up as far as possible with your bump — it's not that big but can get in the way of things.
"So beautiful and all mine." His hot breath faws over your wet cunt that flutters around nothing. "You're so needy, want to have a finger in you, don't you, pretty girl?" You prob yourself on the elbows, gaze at him to already find him looking at you — there's a smug smirk on his wet covered lip and he waits for your answer. "I— I need your cock Lew", you sob,"please don't tease me, fuck me."
The sobbing is music to his ears. "Nah, baby, beg some more. Ain't gonna fuck you with my cock if you're not behaving correctly, you know that." Your boyfriend moves over you, elbows resting on either side of your head as he leans down to crash his lips on yours. Instantly you open your mouth to let his tongue glide in and interweave your hands with him. Kissing him itself is sloppy and breathtaking, intense even because he re-focus all your senses on the feeling of his tongue brushing against yours and plush lips moving sensually. A loud whine fills the space when he breaks the kiss. "Beg for me, pretty girl, be good f'me."
"Please. . please fuck me", you cry out, "Want your cock inside of me, please."
Lewis raises his eyebrows. "Don't you think you forgot something?"
You gulp. "Sir, please fuck me. I'm so so wet for you."
"That's better", is all Lewis says before you feel him rubbing his thick tip along the slit of your slick cunt and hear him groan. "Someone is just as horny as me, huh? Have you been wet all day, pretty girl?"
A loud incoherent moan slips from your lips when Lewis bullies his length past your tightness, grinding his hips as he's fully sheated between your gummy walls. "Can't talk to me anymore? Already gone, huh?" Lewd squelching are heard when he pulls out till only an inch is in you, and then he trusts, first one slow, the second one a bit rougher, pace growing faster as your begging cries echo through the bedroom. He grabs your shaking legs, laying them on his left shoulder to get a deeper access to your wetness.
Meanwhile your eyes fill with tears of pleasure, abdomen tightening and toes curl, nearing the edge. Lewis knows your body inside out, and dips a finger between your lips. You suck on his thumb, tongue tracing the tip as if it is his cock. But before you can register what comes next, he pulls his thumb out and smooth it on your clit, circling to push you to the orgasm.
Moaning uncontrollably, your back arches off the bed as the pleasure crushes you, shine glazes over your eyes and you're a goner. Through the high, long dick still slides into you despite the come flowing out on either side, making Lewis grunt. He's much closer than expected, having leaned over again — he's now kissing your tears tenderly away, you're feeling giddy. "Such a pretty girl", he groans, his own high peeking.
You cling to him as you both come down the high, peppering you with kisses and praise. It has you glow in his strong arms, and you're sure there's nothing better than this — building a family with the man you love beyond the stars.
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theminecraftbee · 6 months
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you know it's INTERESTING to look back at the double life soulmate pairs and see how they're doing now, relationship-wise, because that experience shaped every soulmate pair differently, i think:
ren and bigb i'll put first on account of "we have no idea since ren hasn't been in the series since double life". when will our doggy come back from the war.......
grian and scar are... grian and scar, the soulbond alone is only part of everything going on there. i think being FORCED to team shaped them a bit into being a little/lot more stable in their relationship with each other in limited life and secret life, as well as maybe taught them a bit about each other's limits. i am... honestly not a desert duo guy there are people who can do the analysis of the soulmate bond's impact on them WAY better than me but. it's part of their overall arc, you know?
martyn and cleo are fun. they both are still clearly CLOSE but they are also both still clearly mistrustful and angry at each other! they have this whole "the only one who can kill you is me" dynamic going on between each other that's very fun. i think being soulmates... obviously they were one half of divorce quartet and the resentment of being forced together did some stuff to that relationship. but i think maybe it also sort of gave them something that they appreciate about each other as well? and they DO care, despite everything. (i could GO INTO THIS LET ME TELL YOU.) so like, they aren't close friends or anything, but they Know Each Other now. and that's a fun dynamic.
impulse and bdubs are funny because i think their bond both did and didn't shape them. the thing is, like desert duo, their soulbond is only one step in their journey, the one that ARGUABLY only settled out in limlife after impulse permakilled bdubs. (note that this is the first series where bdubs hasn't gotten a clock! he is FINALLY PAST that one relationship!) that said i think being each other's ridiculously happy married couple did something to impulse specifically, actually. i think it sort of confused and solidified the grudge and it also like, showed him the almost-happy-loyalty that he wanted in the world. i think these days impulse, at least, has a different idea of 'loyalty' and 'betrayal' thanks to that. and bdubs... i think it's relevant that despite bdubs intentionally CONSTANTLY THROWING UP BETRAYAL FLAGS, he never actually did it. and i don't think he ever actually would. but in terms of their relationship to EACH OTHER? the soulbond was, yeah, only one step in how that arc went.
scott and pearl are... interesting. it's funny; for one of the single most consequential soulbonds in double life, it like... mostly hasn't come up again in their relationship? part of this i think is that pearl's LONELINESS had more of an impact on her than anything scott specifically did, and scott choosing had more of an impact on him. so to each other they're mostly... normal? both a bit mistrustful but like... normal? it's in the ways they act with other people that this experience shaped them, i think; i could say something about scott's next major relationship being mean gills, and the way pearl is only now learning to be a part of a team that cares again. also, pearl's discovery of her bloodlust. that kind of happened in last life to be fair, but it's relevant,
jimmy and tango are surprisingly simple because they were one of the most stable and normal soulmate pairs, lol. they're each other's ranchers! they're still friendly to each other even when their teams are on opposite sides! i think having one relationship where he was the more self-assured one was nice for jimmy and tango having a guy who, rather like skizz, was never going to point out much when tango screwed up on account of Pot Meet Kettle was nice for him, and they both know it was nice. they both get more into the teasing now that they know each other better--a big part of the early ranchers dynamic is that they Did Not Know Each Other but now that they DO it's starting to settle into something shaped more like the kinds of relationships both tango and jimmy tend to have (and they are BOTH the kinds of people to have a lot of friendly mocking in their relationships i wouldn't be surprised if that gets Even More in the future)--but i think out of everyone they probably remember the soulmates thing the most fondly, given the degree to which they are still Buddies.
etho and joel are... good lord the boat boys. on the one hand: clearly they both still enjoy pointing out that the boat boys happened. joel gets... weirdly jealous of other people hanging out with etho? on the OTHER hand they seem determined to murder each other so so so bad. i like to think that their soulbond is a thing they look back on fondly from this but ALSO they both have such weird commitment hangups and bloodlust that maybe the fact they want to kill each other SO BADLY was inevitable. also interesting, though, is how much of this bloodlust comes from etho, given that normally you'd expect joel's relationships to go the other way. what i THINK is happening is that joel still feels a lot of loyalty towards the boat boys somewhere in his head (hence the jealousy and not typically being the one to lash out), whereas etho thinks of it as largely Done and Past, but thinks of it fondly--hence bringing it up every time he has to kill joel, and also the weird tendency to gravitate towards joel specifically. I DON'T KNOW MAN I WOULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED BEFORE LIMLIFE THAT BOAT BOYS WOULD BE THE SOULMATE PAIR THAT WERE WEIRDEST ABOUT EACH OTHER BUT HERE WE ARE,
anyway i just think it's funny to look back on the various soulbonds and realize which ones have had a big impact on sticking around and which ones haven't, you know?
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ja3yun · 3 months
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Melting Point | P.SH | CH.4
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brother's rival!sunghoon x fem!reader warnings: fluff, smut (mdni), protected and unprotected sex, cum eating, oral (f rec.), handjob, mentions of alchohol, not many tbh, anything i've missed lmk! ch.4 synopsis: waking up in sunghoon's bed was the last thing you intended to happen. as you confront him about your brothers wishes, he comes up with a solution for the time being but on the night of your award acceptance, he can't hold back any longer. wc: 17.3k previous | masterlist | next a/n: hi! this is by far my favourite chapter in the whole series. it's just a nice, cute chapter with lots of smut and fluff. it's also the chapter ynhoon stans (me) have been waiting for. i said this on my page but this is the last chapter of pure happiness and after this its chaos and plot so, enjoy!
“Shit, Hoonie, right there, oh my god,’ you whimper out as Sunghoon pounds into your pussy from behind with relentless force, your face buried into his pillow muffles your cries as you approach your 3rd climax of the evening.
You and Sunghoon have been fucking like rabbits for the better part of a month and a bit. Sometimes it's a quickie in his car, other times it's these long, drawn-out sessions like the one we're having now. Since you both agreed to hook up, he's been all over you, like he can't get enough. And honestly, you're just as keen.
Over the weeks, that guilty feeling that was eating away at you has been slowly fading away. At first, it was tough, especially with the whole situation with Minhee, but Sunghoon always found a way to distract you, his touch erasing any nagging thoughts. As you started putting yourself first and just embracing the journey with Sunghoon, you began to feel more liberated.
There's something about Sunghoon that makes you feel completely at ease, like you can just be yourself without any pretence. If you're having a rough day, he's there to lend an ear and let you vent. And when something good happens, he's the first person you want to share it with.
To maintain the integrity of your friends-with-benefits arrangement, you both established a set of rules. However, those rules have been tossed out the window countless times. Take rule number 3, for example: 'No dates or gifts, no matter how big or small.' Sunghoon seems to break it regularly, sneaking little gifts into your bag or whisking you off to the University Cafe for some ‘fuel’ but ends up footing the bill every time, and now he even knows your order by heart.
Rule number 5: ‘No PDA’ was a goner within the first week. Holding his hand whenever you walked him to his car became a habit, in fact, any chance you got, your hands were intertwined. Even at the rink, where you really had to keep it on the down low, you couldn't resist a quick hand squeeze as you passed by him. Of course, that inevitably led to breaking rule number 6: no sex at the rink. Sunghoon might have fucked you in every corner of Belmore by now, including the coaches' office.
As his hands stroke up your back, he moves to pull your hair, eager to elicit every possible sound from you as he takes you to the peak of pleasure, "You're taking me so well," he murmurs, watching as he disappears into you with each rapid thrust, the action almost appearing in slow motion with how fast he’s going, "Can you feel it? Come on, Sweets, tell me what you feel."
"I feel so damn good, Hoonie," you gasp, your hair acting as his anchor as he leans back, driving himself deep into you. "You're hitting me so deep, oh my god."
One of his hands snakes under you to reach your belly and as he presses down you let out your loudest moan of the night. He can feel his cock in your stomach if he puts enough pressure, which drives you both crazy. The feeling of him deep inside you causes his eyes to roll back, wondering whether he can go deeper. Sunghoon lets go of your hair and grabs you by the stomach; the new position allows his shaft to pierce you in places that nobody else has before.
“Shit, I'm gonna cum," You've grown better at not asking if you can cum and have recently started telling him you are. This did not happen overnight, but rather because Sunghoon would stop fucking you if you asked to cum. He wanted you to be able to indulge yourself whenever and however you pleased, without being confined. When he would abruptly stop, it was almost on the point of edging, which you wanted to prevent at all costs, so you began telling him when you were going to climax.
"Such a good girl, Y/N." "Such a good girl, Y/N," he praises, another perk of not asking for permission. Sunghoon always showers you with affectionate words, both inside and outside the bedroom, causing a flutter in your chest every time. It makes your tummy flutter every time; he was so good at it, and it makes you feel seen and valued. There is a nagging feeling inside you that you should tell him to stop because of the things his words do to your heart, but you enjoy it too much, so you keep it off the rules.
He keeps his pace while leaning down to your ear, his chest and torso are sticking to your back with the collective sweat pouring from both of you. His tongue licks the shell of your ear as you clench around him, “Come on, Y/N, cum for me.”
Sunghoon loves to have you come undone before he does, the way your walls closed in on his dick was what sent him spiralling, so as he feels you coat him with your delicious cum, he follows you quickly, shooting ropes into the condom.
Despite his orgasm, he doesn’t stop slamming into you, his shaft throbbing against your g-spot with every stroke, "Hoonie, Hoonie, please," you whimper, completely overwhelmed as stars dance behind your eyelids and your mouth hangs open, a hint of drool threatening.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Sweets, can’t stop fucking you like this.” The last time this happened, Sunghoon fucked you for a good 4 hours nonstop, and as you approach your third hour right now, you wonder if you can go any longer and break your previous record, “You want that? For me to fuck you all night?”
If you had a praise kink, Sunghoon definitely had an ego kink—if such a thing existed. He thrived on hearing how he was the best you've ever had, how massive his cock was, or even just being called pretty. Falling for his bait every time was easy because, let's face it, every compliment you gave him was entirely true. "Uh-huh, can't get enough of your big cock."
"Fuck, of course you can't, Sweets. Look at how perfectly it fits in that pretty pussy of yours," he growls, the last spurts of his release filling the condom as he peppers your back with tender, open-mouthed kisses.
As your climax ebbs away, you collapse on the bed, utterly spent. He sees your exhaustion and despite his readiness to continue, he decides to call it a night.
Slowly, he pulls out of you, his condom-clad shaft is glistening with your essence and your pussy matches, looking delectable. To clean you, he brings his mouth to your hole and licks you clean, sure not to waste a single drop. Normally, he would either get a damp towel, or carry you into the shower to rinse you off, but he doesn’t want to wash away his favourite meal, that would be a waste.
"Sunghoon, fuck," you moan as his tongue delves into you, sending shivers down your spine. You sink deeper into his bed, your toes curling involuntarily. If he doesn't stop soon, another climax is imminent, setting off a delightful yet relentless cycle of pleasure where you cum on his face, and he eagerly laps it up all night.
But your sensitive pussy protests, especially after already being pleasured twice today. With a tally of eight orgasms already, your body begs for a respite.
"Just a minute, Sweets. Almost done," he mutters, though he's far from wanting to be finished. Sensing your sensitivity, he refrains from pushing you over the edge, giving two more gentle swipes of his tongue before reluctantly pulling away. Planting kisses along your ass cheeks and spine, he can't help but praise your perfection, "So damn perfect like this, baby."
"Sunghoon, no pet names," you mumble, reminding him of rule 2: no endearments like baby, princess, or angel, all of which have slipped out of his mouth one of two times. He fought to keep calling you Sweets since he has done so from the beginning. He hasn’t ever told you why he calls you Sweets but he’s attached to it, so you let him have it.
“Sorry,” he says quietly but he isn’t sorry. You know this because he’s smiling like an idiot while he scatters little kisses over your shoulder blades.
Finding energy from somewhere, you turn around as he comes off you to clean himself. You’ll never get over how ethereal he is, his body is perfectly proportioned, and his waist does make you jealous though. Why do some men have slutty little waists and you don’t? 
You reach down beside his bed and pick up the clothes you wore today, although, you’ve spent more time naked than in them, “I better get going.”
He slips into a random pair of boxers before walking over to you, reaching for the bra you’ve been trying to grab, “You know you don’t have to rush away, we could get some food or watch a movie? The new Hunger Games is on Prime, we could rent it?” Sunghoon was trying to find any reason for you to stay. 
Taking your bra from his outstretched fingers, you add it to the pile beside you, still seated there naked. "We can't, Hoonie, you know this," you reply softly. It's a rare occasion for you to linger long after sex, fearing that staying will only unearth the emotions you've been desperately trying to suppress.
Rule number 1: Keep your feelings in check. You couldn’t make the rule ‘don’t develop feelings’ because both of you knew that ship had sailed long ago. You were already attached to one another from the first time you kissed. It was more realistic to tell yourselves to bury your emotions for one another. As time goes on, it’s getting harder and harder, which is why you don’t stay. When it was the first week, sometimes you would stay over if it was late but waking up in Sunghoon's embrace only intensified your feelings for him.
Sunghoon bites his lips thin and nods, placing both his hands on his waist, “I know, but I miss spending time with you.”
“Hoonie, we see one another every day, I see you more than I see my family now,” you say softly. 
It’s true, you’ve spent so much time in Sunghoon’s presence that you rarely make it home at a reasonable hour these days. You do feel guilty about missing Minhee’s practices, but you’re scared if you see him for too long you might get that gut-wrenching guilt bubble back into your heart, and everything is so good right now, that you didn’t want to be the cause of its downfall.
"But when was the last time we did something together?" he asks with a pout, sitting down beside you.
"We went out for dinner three nights ago," you bat back.
Sunghoon knows he's being a bit unreasonable, you guys have been hanging out, just not in the way he wants. He longs for those moments when you're cuddled up watching a movie or when he's playing with your hair while you scroll through TikTok, showing him videos the most unfunny videos. He just wants to do nothing with you.
His dejected expression breaks your heart. You can tell he's getting overly invested in this. Sometimes he’ll look at you like you’re the only girl in the world and that’s dangerous. 
Truthfully, you feel the same way about him, sometimes he is the only person on the planet that matters to you - aside from Minhee, of course. You wouldn't have a problem dating your brother's fiercest rival if you didn't hold Minhee in such high regard, but sadly, you loved Minhee too much to hurt him.
There was something that you have been meaning to ask Sunghoon but you’re scared it’ll blur the lines of your relationship with him. 
Your eyes meet his and you decide to take the leap, “Hey, there was something I wanted to ask you,” Sunghoon takes your hands in his, waiting for you to continue, “You can say no, obviously!” you add quickly, already giving him a way out even though he doesn’t have the slightest clue what you’re on about.
“Ask me and I’ll decide if I want to say no,” The older boy’s smile is slight, encouraging you to ask him your evidently big question.
“Um, do you remember when I was upset and you saw me at the rink?” you ask.
How could he forget, it was the first night he got to taste your lips. Sunghoon nods and you carry on,  "And you know how I'm a top student at my university?" Another nod follows as his thumbs gently caress the back of your hands. "Well, I won an award, I think I told you that. Anyway, there's a ceremony happening on the 23rd of September, and I was wondering if maybe you would come with me? I have to RSVP by Monday."
You rush through the words, avoiding eye contact with Sunghoon. Truth be told, you had initially asked Rina to accompany you, but she has an early exam the next day—her last chance after failing it twice. Obviously, Minhee has a schedule so he and your mum are out of the picture, the only other person you want there with you is Sunghoon.
Taking a moment to process your request, Sunghoon mentally sifts through his schedule, realizing he likely has prior engagements but decides he's going to cancel them. He wouldn't miss the opportunity to be by your side as you accept such a prestigious award. "I would love to come, Y/N," he replies with genuine enthusiasm.
Your head shoots up, eyes widening in surprise. "Wait, really? Don't you want to check if you can make it and get back to me?" you ask, taken aback by his immediate acceptance. He doesn't even glance at his phone or consult a calendar. "You really don't have to come, I know Nationals are like 2 months away."
"Y/N," he soothes, running his fingers through your hair in a comforting gesture, "I will be there."
No one has ever simply said yes to you so readily. You're accustomed to being sidelined as people search for excuses not to commit. You have to admit, Minhee always tried his best to make it to your events, despite your mom often intervening. Sometimes you wonder if she deliberately scheduled things to prevent him from attending.
"It's at 7 pm, is that okay?" you ask sheepishly.
"Of course it is, Sweets," he assures you, planting a gentle kiss on your lips before whispering, "Thank you for letting me be a part of your life like this."
Sunghoon's heart races alongside yours, warmth spreading through his body. He didn't mean to voice his gratitude aloud, but he's overwhelmed by the fact that you're willing to share this part of yourself with him. It’s risky in the whole boundary department, but he’ll figure it out. 
Your heart would be burrowing out of your chest and drowning him in kisses if it had legs. It's unfortunate that you can't truly claim Sunghoon as yours because he was everything you could have ever wanted. This stupid fucking rivalry. If you could go back in time to prevent them from competing against one another, you would.
He notices that your mind is racing when he looks at you, so he does what he always does when you're acting that way: he kisses you with so much intensity that it leaves you thinking only of his lips. 
It works every single time. 
"Hoonie," you mumble his name into his mouth, feeling the effect it has on him, "Thank you so so much. I owe you."
A mischievous smirk spreads across his lips. "You can suck my cock in the car on the drive back to yours?" he teases, earning a playful swat on the arm from you, "Okay, okay! What's the dress code for your big day?"
"It's a black tie event," you reply, focusing on putting on your clothes, "It's fancy."
Humming in acknowledgement, Sunghoon begins pondering his wardrobe options, "What are you wearing, Sweets?" he asks, hoping to coordinate outfits.
"I haven't decided yet. I need to go into the city and buy something nice," you admit. You don't have any fancy clothes, certainly nothing suitable for an award ceremony, so you've been saving up for a nice gown. The only problem is, you have no idea what to wear or what you could possibly get with your measly savings.
"Shopping? I'll come with you," Sunghoon offers.
You give him a doubtful glance. "Why?"  After all, he has plenty of expensive designer suits in his closet; he doesn't need to go shopping with you.
"For the company, duh," he replies, pulling you into an embrace. Sunghoon often cuddles you like this, his long arms enveloping your head as he plays with your hair. It's both comforting and frustrating, making it hard for you to resist him. "Plus, I can help you pick something out and see you in pretty dresses all day. I don't see any cons here."
You consider his offer. Rina, your usual shopping partner, is often too busy with her own try-ons to provide much help, making her a less-than-ideal companion. Maybe having Sunghoon along wouldn't be such a bad idea after all, it would be nice to get some advice.
Wrapping your arms around his waist, you mould yourself against him, "Okay, you can come. I was planning to go on Wednesday," you agree, enjoying the warmth of his touch as you nuzzle your nose against his bare chest.
"I'll pick you up from uni," he suggests with a smile.
Sunghoon has memorised your complete schedule so he could quickly figure out when he could see you, and more significantly, what parts of his own schedule he could change to accommodate yours. You took classes all summer, which was unusual, but apparently, it counted toward your final degree. With events and marketing being such a saturated field, you must stand out. Sunghoon begins to truly understand why you're receiving this award the more he learns about you.
“Are you sure? Yonsei is aeons away, and don't you have a photoshoot for Prada's winter collection in the morning?" you ask, reminding him of his commitments.
It's easy to forget that Sunghoon is a famous ice skater, probably because he's always 7 inches deep inside you and when he isn't, he's the most regular 20-year-old you know.
“It’s all good, with a face like mine, the photoshoot will be done in an hour,” his lips press themselves against yours as he lays tiny smooches on the same spot, his smile growing bigger and bigger as he does so.
Feeling his hands slide under your top and nails scraping your back lightly, you know what he’s going to ask you, so you jump the gun, “I can’t stay, Hoonie. I need to get going.”
"Don't. There's nothing for you out there, and it's cold," he pleads, pouting like a kid.
"It's 23 degrees," you laugh at his feeble excuses. "I'll see you tomorrow like always."
Sunghoon mumbles something in protest, but you know it's probably his way of expressing his reluctance to spend a day apart from you. You and Sunghoon are practically inseparable, constantly calling or texting when you're not together.
He lets you step back and goes to get changed so he can drive you home.
Both of you learned your lesson from the last time Minhee caught you getting out of his enemy's car, so now Sunghoon drops you off at the end of the street to maintain appearances and keep him out of sight.
As he fixes his shoes and grabs his car keys and a hoodie, he turns to you with a mischievous grin. "So about that blow job in the car I was talking about earlier…"
He's an animal
But you’re the one tying up your hair and loosening your jaw as you push him out the door.
__________
Wednesday comes faster than you think and you’ve just received a text from Mr. Ice Prince himself
No.1 Ice Skater 🧊🤍:
1:43pm: I’m waiting at Centennial Hall
1:43pm: 🤍 x
You and Rina are walking together after leaving your joint B2B marketing lesson. Despite being in different majors—she studies fashion and business—Rina failed this class last semester and needs to make it up. You joked that she flunked on purpose so she could retake the class with you, but when you laughed, she got serious. In reality, she did fail on purpose, but not for the flattering reason you joked about; rather, to copy your answers and coax you into study sessions that often devolved into gossip about other students on campus. Despite the ulterior motive, you enjoy your time together, so you don’t mind at all.
She’s in the middle of talking when she pauses, looking down at your phone in disgust, “You’re texting him again? I don’t even text Allen this much.” That’s a brazen lie, she’s just more sneaky about it. 
“He’s picking me up,” you reply back to Sunghoon’s text with a simple ‘Okay <3’ and put your phone in your back pocket, “We’re going into the city.” 
"What for?" Her eyes are fixed on yours as if she's trying to read your mind. You haven’t led an interesting life, most of it studying and being Minhee’s cheerleader, so now that you have Sunghoon as your fuck buddy, Rina laps up every little detail. You leave the sex details to a minimum because, at the end of the day, that’s no one’s business but yours and Sunghoon’s, but you tell her enough to keep her entertained.
Looking at Rina, you realise you can't tell her he's accompanying you on a shopping trip because it would hurt her the most. Fashion is her entire existence, it is who she is, so if your best friend discovered you enlisted someone else to help you locate a gown, she would be devastated. 
“Just lunch,” you lie, which you’re getting better at. Not the best trait to have but it’s been helping you out the past 5 weeks.
“Isn’t that against your rules?” She questions, eyebrows raised.
You frantically try to think, “Uhm, yeah I suppose, but he was insistent.” You forgot you told her the list of boundaries and rules that are keeping this ‘friends with benefits’ deal exactly that, so she pulls you up every chance she gets.
“He’s so annoying. I still can’t believe he had the audacity to speak to me like that at Yeonjun’s party, and in front of all those people!” Her arms flail in frustration, “Like he hasn’t even apologised either. He’s a colossal cunt, I hope he knows how lucky he is he has you to protect him because I would destroy him if I had a chance.”
Rina really couldn’t let it go. You’ve pleaded with Sunghoon to text her and say sorry to her and Allen but he doesn’t think he should apologise for being honest. 
Ahead of you, you observe Sunghoon standing by his car, as gorgeous as ever. He had just returned from a photoshoot, so his hair and makeup have been done and his clothes are flashy yet simple. He’s wearing a brown suede jacket over his white Prada-encrusted t-shirt, and the black dress trousers highlight his snatched waist. He's a vision, and you find yourself admiring him as always. Truth be told, you like him in anything - or even nothing at all - because Sunghoon is so effortlessly beautiful, he can pull off anything.
Waving, you gain his attention and he smiles at you, his eyes turning into crescent moons. Rina looks between you both with a bewildered look on her face, “Oh. My. God. You like him. Like, really like him.” Was it that obvious? “And he likes you!” Apparently so.
You shush Rina, urging her to keep it down. "It's not like that, we're just messing around. You know this, Rina," you insist, hoping to deflect any further probing into your relationship with Sunghoon.
Before she can say anything else or coax you into admitting something you're not ready to, you reach Sunghoon, who instinctively pulls you into a hug and plants a kiss on your forehead. "Hey, Sweets," he greets you warmly.
Your best friend scowls at him, scrutinizing the situation before her. Rina is a smart girl; she calls a spade a spade, and in her eyes, there's no way you both don't have feelings for each other. She understands why you won't just admit it and date officially, but in her mind, you're already together, just not acknowledging it to assuage your guilty conscience.
Sunghoon smiles down at you as you cling to him, but Rina's presence brings him back to reality. "Bring her back to mine once you're done with your lunch," she instructs, her demeanour guarded. Her words prompt Sunghoon to acknowledge her, though he can sense her disdain.
He knows she hates him, quite honestly the feeling is semi-mutual - he isn’t the biggest fan of hers, but she treats you well, that’s all that matters. He does, however, plan on winning her over because he senses how uncomfortable you get when they have to be in the same room together, “I will. I brought you something from my shoot this morning,” he says, attempting to extend an olive branch.
Drawing back, you stare at Sunghoon in confusion, but he shakes his head and heads to the trunk of his car. Rina's interest is piqued; she heard from you that he was working with Prada, and her fashionista instincts can't help but be a little excited. Regardless of whether it's from Sunghoon or not, she loves presents.
There are three Prada-branded boxes laid out in front of him, all of which are for Rina. Was it a bribe to get her to back off and potentially win her approval? Maybe, but judging by the look on her face, his plan might just work. "These are all from the Winter 24' season. I guessed you were a sample size," he says, aiming to flatter her.
Rina squeals with delight and grabs the boxes eagerly, tearing them open as fast as she can, just in case it's some kind of prank. Inside, she finds a sheer grey blouse with a red and brown collar accent, a long pleated white skirt, and a matching handbag. Sunghoon even went the extra mile to include the new Paradoxe Intense perfume, just to sweeten the deal.
She holds the clothing up to her body, exclaiming, "I am going to look so good in these! Thanks, Hoon!" Sunghoon can't help but feel a sense of satisfaction at the use of the nickname.
Glancing over at you, he sees your knowing expression. You understand exactly what he's up to, and while you may not agree with his methods, you appreciate the sentiment. He's trying to make amends, and that's more than most men would do.
Hugging Sunghoon tightly, Rina sways him from side to side, a stark contrast to her demeanour just moments ago. Sunghoon laughs and pats her head, promising to keep her in mind for any future shoots.
"Do you happen to be modelling for Gucci anytime soon?" she asks cheekily, causing you to shoot her a disapproving look, "What? I want the new purse they're bringing out," she shrugs, picking up her presents and sauntering away from the car, "Thanks again. I'll leave my favourite lovebirds to it."
It's astounding how easily swayed she is by a few items of fabric, a fact you make a mental note of for future reference. Once she's happily on her way, you and Sunghoon are left in silence.
Sunghoon shuts the trunk of his car before lifting you up in a sudden move, "Hoonie!" you squeal, caught off guard by the unexpected gesture. Despite the suddenness, you wrap your arms and legs around him, clinging to him as he kisses you passionately. He sets you down on the back of his car and cradles your head, deepening the kiss. His lips feel softer than usual, gliding over yours like butter, possibly due to the lip oil he applied earlier in the day
His tongue playfully teases your lips, poking out ever so slightly to give you a taste, but when you chase it with your own, he retracts. You let out a whine of annoyance and lust, a sound Sunghoon is all too familiar with. He loves it; how you draw it out depends on how much you crave him. It makes him feel some sort of way that he can’t quite put into words.
You take hold of his jacket and bring him forward, taking control of the situation. The world seems to vanish around you with every caress, to the point where you miss the stares of passers-by and their disapproving glances as you and Sunghoon practically devour each other's faces. You can taste the warmth and passion between you every time your tongues touch. He's intoxicating.
But you really need to get a dress, and if you get too caught up in him right now, you'll never make it to the city. Instead, you'll end up with your legs spread in the backseat of his car.
"Hoonie, we better stop," you say, trying to sound serious, but your breathless whisper betrays your true feelings.
"Why?" He asks as he nips at your neck, too preoccupied with kissing you to remember the objective of today's outing, or even that he's on your campus practically dry-humping you out in the open.
"You know why," you whisper into his ear, trying to regain some composure.
His head falls in defeat on your shoulder, and he nuzzles into you, tickling the base of your neck. A smile spreads across his face, "I missed you, that's all," he admits, his voice filled with sincerity.
Rolling your eyes, you lift his head with your hand. "I saw you just two days ago."
"But I always miss you, doesn't matter if it's two days or two minutes," he says innocently, knowing exactly the effect those words will have on you. And it works; your heart swells with happiness, making you momentarily forget your resolve.
Pushing him away gently, you jump off the back of his car, ignoring the fluttering in your chest. Sunghoon simply shakes his head and gets into the seat beside you. Turning on the radio, he switches it back to your favourite station and buckles up. "Where to first?"
"There's a dress I saw online that's in Reeta's. They have one in my size just as you get into the city centre," you reply, going to put the address into his car’s navigation system. As you do, you notice that your home address is his favourite route, followed by your work address and then your college.
Sunghoon notices your pause and furrows his brows, "Do you know the address? I can google it if you want," he offers, glancing at his navigation system and realising what has caught your attention. He knows his way to all those locations by now, but seeing them saved under 'Y/N’s House', 'Y/N’s Work', and 'Y/N’s Uni' brings him a sense of comfort and belonging. To him, it's like having pieces of you scattered over every part of his life, even while driving. He never planned for you to see it, but now that you have, he hopes it's not a big deal to you.
You quickly type in Reeta’s postcode and hit okay, “It says it’s 25 minutes if we take the motorway,” you inform him.
He salutes playfully and drives off to your first destination, a smile playing on his lips.
___
4 shops, and 3 boutiques later, you’ve lost all hope. Not one of the dresses gave you the ‘wow’ factor you needed. It’s not often you go to events like this so you need your outfit to be spectacular. 
Right now, you're in a random shop you spotted on the high street. It's not exactly the most inviting place – dark and kind of dreary, with clothes that look like they belong in a period drama rather than on a modern-day street.
Sunghoon is also browsing the dresses. Bless him, he's been dragged around every shop, and while you're about to have a mental breakdown, he's always the optimist, finding dresses that meet the criteria you gave him. You're looking for an emerald green or navy blue dress that reaches your knees, preferably longer. It also needs to have a spaghetti strap or be off the shoulders. You knew what suited you, plus, those were the sort of dresses you imagined yourself wearing as soon as you received the letter about the ceremony.
He finds a ribbed green dress with gold accents, “What about this? It’s kind of emerald, and it would sit comfortably.” 
It’s the most hideous gown you’ve seen today, but his little smiley face stops you from being so brutally honest, “It’s not really my style.”
Putting it back, he walks to where you are looking and sighs in your ear, hugging you from behind. He can see you losing patience and will to find a dress and if you’re anything like his girl friends, specifically Wonyoung, you would start ranting about how you aren’t going any second now, "We've still got the Square to check out," he says, trying to lift your spirits. "Maybe we'll get lucky there."
You widen your eyes, “Hoonie, that’s Designer Square. There is no way they’ll have anything within my budget, not even on the sale rack.” the Square was your town’s equivalent to Rodeo Drive, each street was lined with branded stores like Armani, Gucci, Burberry, basically every shop out of your league. You don’t even recall a time you dared to walk near it. 
"Worth having a look, right?" Sunghoon's optimism is charming, but you can't help but feel a pang of doubt. With the amount of money you have, you're not even sure you could afford a keychain from one of these stores. Despite saving up a bit from your extra shifts, your bank account is far from flush. £200 might buy you a small accessory or a one-way ticket home on the bus if you're lucky.
Sunghoon doesn’t give you time to argue, his hands on your shoulders pushing you out the door and into the car.
As he drove up to the high-end part of the city, you were in awe, even the street lamps looked prettier here. The people gracing the streets are all dripping in designer clothes, making you feel a bit out of place. It was okay for Sunghoon, he was still wearing his exclusive Prada outfit that would be the envy of everyone here, whether as you are clad in an a-line denim skirt with a purple cardigan you’re pretty sure you got from ASOS. It’s a whole different world here.
He pulls up at the end of the street, parking his Puegoet next to an array of Land Rovers and BMWs. This was definitely not a place made for you, but it seemed to fit Sunghoon perfectly - the clean-cut aesthetic, the expensiveness, it was all him. 
“Do you come here a lot?” You only ask because he seems to be guiding you to a specific shop as if he visits frequently.
He intertwines his fingers with yours and swings it idly, "No, not really, but sometimes I get invited to galas and sponsor events. There's a store up to the right that sells dress trousers that actually fit."
You hum in acknowledgement, wondering if Minhee ever gets invited to such events. He's just as talented as Sunghoon when it comes to skating, yet he doesn’t seem to live as lavishly. Granted, Sunghoon has won nationals and even went to the Youth Olympics, while Minhee didn’t. Maybe that has something to do with it.
"Is that where you’re taking me now? To your suit guy?" you ask.
Sunghoon squeezes your hand and stops, "No, we’re going here," he points to the store beside you, and you gasp.
"No way, Sunghoon. I can’t even afford to even breathe in a Versace store." But it’s too late; he's already walking in, ignoring your protests. He holds the door open, gesturing for you to come in. Despite your reluctance, he waits patiently, still smiling. The people in the store stare, wondering why he’s just standing there looking at you. With a groan and a stomp of your feet, you cave and walk inside.
The store is bright and vibrant. Glass panels showcase handbags and other accessories on the right, while an extensive row of shoes lines the left. The shopkeepers and other customers all look straight out of an upper-class drama. Actually, now that you think about it, you feel a little like you’re in a K-drama, with the big CEO as the male lead and you as the poor girl whose family owns a chicken restaurant.
With his arm on your back, Sunghoon guides you past the onlookers and to the dresses. "Look through these, and I’ll be right back," he says.
"But Hoonie, I can’t afford these," you whisper embarrassed as you twist the £2,000 tag from a random dress and shove it in his face to emphasize your point.
"Appease me, yeah?" He pinches your cheek before he walks away, leaving you to scour for a gown.
Each one of them is beautiful and elegant, the detailing and colours blowing your mind. You could never find anything as stunning in your local boutiques. There's one in particular that catches your eye, a sleek ivory dress with gold chains cascading down the sides. It’s not what you would normally wear, but it is stunning.
As you continue to look through, you find yourself unable to choose. Not because they're not right, but because they're all too nice now, and about £1,000 over your budget. In defeat, you go to find Sunghoon when you suddenly see the most beautiful dress you have ever laid your eyes on. It’s nothing like what you imagined, everything about it is the opposite of what you wanted, but it is flawlessly ethereal in every way. It’s a black halter neck dress with an open back, lace detailing throughout, and frills that are the main attraction. If you could fall in love and marry a piece of clothing, it might just be with this. It’s classy, elegant, and perfect for the ceremony.
There's just one tiny problem. It's £1,800.
You’re scared to touch it, but you have to, you need to know what something this pretty feels like. Tentatively, you pinch the top frill and feel it between your fingertips. That was your first mistake because now no other dress is going to compare.
“You like that one?” you were so busy admiring the dress that you failed to notice Sunghoon coming up beside you. Nodding, you don’t take your eyes off the garment, too in love with it. “Try it on then.”
“I can’t. It’s too expensive,” you say wistfully, your heart sinking.
Sunghoon leans in, his voice barely a whisper next to your ear. “Exactly. When else will you have a chance to rock something like this? Let yourself indulge a little, Sweets.”
He’s right, you won’t get an opportunity like this again, and what harm has a little delusion ever brought anyone? You smile brightly and nod, “Okay, yeah, maybe just for a minute.” Sunghoon smiles at your response and looks at one of the workers, pointing with his eyes to get you it in your size.
In a flash, the shop assistants have you in the changing room, which resembles a whole wedding boutique. The gold and white decor only elevates the classiness of the place. How could this be a dressing room? The assistant ushers you into one of the stalls which is bigger than your bedroom. Sunghoon waits outside for you to change, taking a seat on the plump suite. 
As you shed your clothes and slip into the dress, you're struck by its perfect fit. The delicate zip glides effortlessly, cinching your waist and accentuating your curves. As you pull up the top half of the dress and tie the bow at the back, although it proves a task because you can’t see it properly, you take one final look at yourself. You haven't felt this stunning in a long time; it's almost overwhelming.
Stepping out, everyone else is gone but Sunghoon who is scrolling on his phone. You straighten yourself and clear your throat to gather his attention.
“Holy fucking shit,” he whispers, eyes widening in disbelief.
His reaction is exactly what you hoped for. Sunghoon rises from the sofa, taking measured steps towards you, arms outstretched in front of him to take your hands, which you happily oblige, “You’re a dream. You have to be,” he isn’t speaking to you but projecting his inner monologue subconsciously.
As he takes in every detail, he smiles tenderly, almost reverently. It's as if the dress has unveiled a new layer of your beauty, leaving him spellbound. Emotion wells up in his chest, and he is completely in awe of you.
Your face glows with happiness. "It's nice, right?"
"Baby, you're otherworldly." Sunghoon threads his fingers with yours and opens your arms so he can get a proper look at you. At that moment, he sees you poised with a grace that can only be described as radiant, bewitching, whatever other word comes under 'transcendental' in the thesaurus. "I mean, look at you." Of all the routines he's done, no matter how challenging, he thinks this is the moment he becomes the most out of breath he has ever been.
You note the affectionate name he's uttered and should scold him, but who cares right now? "Yeah? Really?"
"What? You don't think so?" He asks, bewildered at the thought that you don't think you look like the most ethereal creature to walk this earth. Swiftly, he turns you to face the mirror in the middle of the waiting area. "Look at yourself, Sweets. You're a fucking vision."
Though you do feel beautiful, the longer you gaze at yourself, the more you wrestle with a hint of impostor syndrome. This dress feels like it belongs to another world, one far beyond your own, meant for the Rinas of the world.
As Sunghoon rubs your shoulders, he senses the tension building within you, "No," he murmurs.
You shift your face to look at him, "What do you mean, 'no'?"
He presses his mouth to your exposed shoulder, kissing it tenderly.,"No, as in, no to whatever you're thinking about. You look unreal, and I'm not leaving here until you say that you do." His kisses trail along your shoulders and back as he gently rubs your arms.
"I do feel pretty, I know I do, but do you think it suits me?" Sunghoon's hands untie the bow at the top, and you look at him with a shocked expression. "Park Sunghoon, don't you dare."
Laughing, he shakes his head. "You've got such a filthy mind," he teases. When the neckline tightens against your throat, you realize what he's doing. "And you have terrible bow-tying skills." Closing your eyes and lowering your head, embarrassed at where your mind went to first.
"I mean... I could bend you over and..." His words trail off suggestively, and you feel his hands slide down your arms as he kisses down your spine.
"Sunghoon," you warn, but it doesn't deter him. He continues to glide his fingers up under the dress, ready to pull your underwear down.
"I'm serious, Sunghoon. Don't," you insist as your face flushes a deep shade of red.
He steps back, his presence behind you providing some distance. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and despite the feebleness of your warning, he wanted you to know he would stop whenever you asked, especially after what you’d been through.
Scrunching your hair, he holds it in an updo and brings two pieces of your hair to cascade down your face, “Picture it with your hair and makeup done, your bangs blown out a little like Sabrina Carpenter, I think you’d be the prettiest in the place - but I’m biased because you’re always the prettiest to me.” How did he know what hairstyle Sabrina Carpenter had?
A shop assistant enters and catches sight of you through the mirror, gasping out an almost silent "wow." Sunghoon's smug grin grows wider; he knew your beauty in this dress would be undeniable. The girl fetches two of her colleagues who have the same reaction.
The man behind you turns to them, "I think we need some shoes, don’t you think?" All of them nod in agreement as you swish around, locking eyes with Sunghoon. You’ve lived out your fantasy; it’s time to go. Yet, he’s already dashing to the front of the store, quickly returning with a pair of Medusa '95 slingback pumps adorned with the Versace logo on the buckle. The stiletto is about 4 and a half inches, smaller than what you’re used to, but Sunghoon knows your style and that you’ll manage just fine.
The eager assistants gather around to help you put the classic shoes on and they fit just right. The combination of the heels and the dress was just perfect, like something picked for a celebrity going to the Oscars.
As you stand there in front of everyone once again, you feel a little like Mia in the Princess Diaries with the way their eyes are on you after your big transformation. Sunghoon was right, with your hair and makeup done, you’d be the talk of the event.
Your new makeshift stylist stands there as if he’s assessing you from head to toe. His middle finger rubs his bottom lip as he saunters over to you, his eyes carrying affection and deep thought, “We’ll take them.” 
Is he out of his mind? 
“Hoonie, I can’t,” your eyes watch as the people in the shop scurry to get everything prepared for you, their eyes lighting up. They must work on commission because no one in shops like Primark would ever work so fast.
“Go get changed, no arguing. Let me do this,” he mutters into your lips, kissing you tenderly.
“I can’t, it is way too expensive and this goes way beyond breaching our rules,” you protest.
Sunghoon sighs and tries to think. You’re getting that dress whether you like it or not, he just has to convince you to let him buy it for you, “Don’t see it as a gift from me but for me. I want to see you accept your award in that dress, so I’m buying it for myself to give to you. Completely selfish of me if you think about it.” 
Accepting an almost £2000 gown wasn’t within your capabilities, no matter how gorgeous you looked in it. Your tiny savings couldn’t even pay for the buckles on the shoes the staff were slowly taking off your feet.
“I’m serious, Hoonie. I can’t accept it,” you cross your arms over in a huff, standing your ground as Sunghoon frustratingly runs his hands through his hair.
“Okay, how about this? I will buy it today and you will pay me back. Then it’s not a gift but a loan. See? problem solved.” He was adamant for sure. It might take you forever to pay him back but it seemed like the best option for your scenario. 
Nodding, you relax your body, “fine, deal,” you grab his hand and shake it, “I’ll pay back every penny.” You’re going to have to work some serious overtime but it’ll be worth it., you’ll be belle of the ball or whatever the saying is.
As you walk away and get changed back into your ordinary clothes, Sunghoon speaks up, “Oh, and I only accept repayment in kisses. No cash.” He smirks and swiftly heads out to the payment desk.
“Park Sunghoon! That’s not happening!” You shout at him.
“Sorry, Sweets, we shook on it.” The smug man doesn’t even glance back at you. 
That son of a bitch. 
___________
It’s the night of the ceremony and you are beyond nervous. The idea of being acknowledged in front of a room full of people makes you sick to your stomach. Sure, you won’t be the only one there accepting an award since it’s for all the top students throughout the city, but all eyes will be on you at some point or other and that is what is causing the knots in your tummy. 
Was it a bad idea to go tonight? It’s not as if you wouldn’t get the award, they would hand it into the Uni for you if you suddenly decided not to show up. You pace around your room, shaking your hands and breathing out to calm down. It’s not that big of a deal, get over it, you tell yourself, but nothing is stopping your thoughts. What if you fall? What if you got the date wrong? What if it’s a prank?
All these what-ifs circle in your head. 
You throw yourself in front of your vanity mirror to look at yourself and assess whether you really can do this. The makeup and hair you've chosen for yourself make you appear to have it all together; the light eyeliner and gold shimmer eye shadow subtly make your eyes appear larger, and the Bardot fringe framing your face, as Sunghoon had suggested, it all ties together beautifully. 
Maybe you can do this. Maybe, the reason you’re feeling so nervous is that you aren’t used to any sort of fuss being made about you, the spotlight always shining on your brother, Rina, or literally anyone else but you. When you got the letter through, you cried over not getting attention and recognition for it, and now here you are sweating over the fact you are getting what you wanted. 
“Y/N, can I come in?” Minhee asks through the door. He hadn’t left for his shoot yet and honestly, you didn’t think you’d see him tonight. 
You nod and then remember he can’t see you through the wooden door, “Oh, yeah come in.” You hadn’t begun to get ready in your dress yet, most of your time spent on the lashes you eventually decided to leave behind after a 30-minute dispute with yourself and some glue.
Standing up to greet him, Minhee comes in and closes the door behind him and when he sees you all dolled up, he scrunches his face, “Since when did my little sister become so grown up?” He inspects you, walking around you to look at your hair, “You’ve got a bit sticking out the back, by the way.”
Running back over to your mirror you examine your hair, looking for the imperfection but you don’t see it. With Minhee’s snort, you realise he’s joking, “Fuck off, Mini, don’t say shit like that!” you complain, going over your hair anyway.
“Sorry, Y/N, I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you so dolled up before.” He says.
"Yeah, well, it's a big night." You don't mean to say it snarkily, but Minhee seems to interpret it that way, his head dropping to look at the floor. He wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and it hurt him that you might think he didn't care. 
Of course, you knew he cared; he told you he tried to reschedule this commercial shoot the night you found out; you can't blame him for not attending this ceremony because he at least tried to be there. 
Minhee puts his hands in his pockets, “I can see if we can finish early. I might be able to make some of it?” 
Your eyes widen in panic, thinking about what would happen if he showed up only to see Sunghoon sitting beside you, “No, no, really it’s okay. Just have fun at your shoot.”
“You think I will have fun knowing I’m missing my baby sister's first life achievement?” He’s angry but not at you, at himself and the situation he’s in because the more he speaks, the more he hates himself for not just throwing this schedule to the wind so he could come with you. But there’s more to it than you know.
Facing him, you try to offer him an empathetic expression: "Mini, I didn't mean it that way. Plus, my first major life achievement was high school graduation, and you came to that." 
Smiling, you recall how he made such a fuss about something so insignificant in your view. Minhee created a banner that read 'Y/N, You Rock!' on it. It was cheesy and unusual to bring to graduation, but because you had always crafted signs to bring with you when you cheered him on at contests, he thought it was not only hilarious but also appropriate, “Plus, I’ll just win it again next year so you can come with me then.”
He smiles slightly and finds some comfort in your words. It amazed him how you managed to make everyone else feel better about themselves even when they shouldn’t. Gently, he attempts to fix your bangs, “Take lots of pictures, yeah? So many that I don’t think I missed it at all.”
“I will,” You stick your hand up in the air and he laughs, high-fiving you.
Before he leaves you for his schedule, he asks one more dreaded question, “Who are you taking anyway?” 
It was the one question you hadn’t prepped for and now suddenly you’re back in school being given a pop quiz on a book you forgot to read.
“R-Rina! You know she would never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t bring her along.” It was quick thinking and a plausible answer. He didn’t know she was stuck inside, studying for tomorrow’s exam.
“I figured, just wondering since you’re wearing that perfume you only wear for dates.” He smirks.
You sprayed a little Crystal Noir on your pulse points once you finished your hair to give it time to die down before you had to leave, “Excuse me, I use it for all special occasions.” Crossing your arms, you stand defensively. If he caught a whiff of a guy coming with you to this event, he wouldn’t let it go, and you couldn’t exactly blurt out that it was Sunghoon you were taking.
“Whatever. Have a good time, okay? If anything happens or Rina gets out of hand, give me a call, yeah?” Minhee stands half out of your room, holding the door as if he wants to say something else, “I’m proud of you, Bubs.”
Don’t fucking cry, this foundation is so expensive.
“Thanks, Mini. Love you,” you utter in a low voice, appreciative of his words.
Minhee closes the door behind him and you check your phone for the time. You have an hour to finish getting dressed, plenty of time to fit in a few more what-ifs, and learn to tie the bow of your dress correctly.
_____
Brushing off any dust or hair from your dress, you take a glance at yourself in the mirror. You look good like you’re prepared for this. Your phone pings with a new message.
No.1 Ice Skater 🧊🤍:
6:14pm: Hey Sweets, are you ready?
6:14pm: Yeah! Are you nearly here?
Just as your message was sent, the doorbell rings. Sunghoon didn’t wait about, you thought you had at least another 10 minutes before he showed up.
Running down the stairs, almost as if you’re gliding, you swing the door open, not even looking at Sunghoon properly, “Come in! I’m just going to get my stuff from upstairs.” 
You’re like a mist, coming as fast as you go and Sunghoon bewilderingly helps himself into your home. This is the first time he dared to step foot in the Kang residence, giving him a strange feeling. 
Glancing around, his eyes grew with curiosity as he took in the intricacies that made up the place. His gaze lingered on the framed images on the walls, which captured different parts of your life from young until now. It was as if each image represented a chapter, and he was turning the pages. 
However, he did notice how there was only one of you solely on your own, you were 14, leaning on a tree on an evidently hot summer day in your sundress. He remembers you so clearly at that age, it’s strange considering he didn’t get to speak more than 3 words to you back then. The smile on his face grows as his gratitude for the time he can spend with you now seeps into his heart. 
The padding of your feet down the carpeted stairs pulls his eyes away, looking at the now 19-year-old you. You’re fighting to put a pair of earrings in as you hold the Versace shoes by their strap on one of your free fingers and your handbag swings from your left shoulder. 
Once you win your battle with the small gold hoops, you place the shoes and bag down, “Sorry, I’ll be two minutes, let me just put these on and we’re good to go.”
But before you can sit on the last step of the staircase to buckle your shoes, Sunghoon unbuttons his jacket and kneels, grabbing the shoes and sliding them on your feet. You finally stop for a minute and take in the scene in front of you - he’s so sweet you could melt. 
Sunghoon carefully buckles your heels, trying not to nip your skin. "Are they alright?" he asks, looking up at you. You confirm with a nod, eliciting a slight smile on his face. As he slides his hands over the outside of your legs, he gently kisses the inner area of your calves. He doesn’t know why he does it, it just feels natural to kiss every inch of your body.
He gets back on his feet and leans back to look at you. Even though he had previously seen the dress on you, seeing you in it again with your hair and makeup done and the accessories you selected was a completely other experience, “Wow.”
It’s not what he wanted to say exactly, but it’s all he could at the moment. You had completely blown him away.
Blushing, you push him playfully, taking in his outfit of choice as you do so. He’s wearing a simple black suit with silk trimmings, his lace-up derby shoes match the shininess of yours, and his tie is adorned with a gold Prada tie bar. He did the simplest things to match you without being too obvious about it, and the attention to detail erupted butterflies in your chest.
“You look amazing, Hoonie,” you compliment.
“Don’t I always?” he replies cockily, doing a showman spin so you can see all of his outfit. He’s so silly sometimes it cancels out his arrogance. Buttoning his jacket back up, he holds out his arm for you to take, “Shall we?” 
You take his arm and grin vibrantly at him, shaking your head in agreement. Locking the door behind you, and double checking your purse, you make your way to the venue.
Arriving at the event makes you even more overwhelmed than you thought you would be. It’s just an award ceremony for some uni kids but it looks like the Met Gala. Everyone is dressed to the nines, the atmosphere is filled with excitement and amazement, and you begin to wonder just what it’s like on the inside. 
Sunghoon places his hand on your shoulder to gain your attention, “Are you sure you’re not winning a Grammy or something?” He jokes, unintentionally easing your mind. 
“I know, I can’t believe the city would do this for a couple of students that got high grades.”
In a dubious yet playful tone, he quirked his mouth to the side and asked, "Is that all you are? A student with high grades?" The mischievous smirk tugging at the corner of his lips showed his scepticism over your self-deprecation. Did you truly think that’s all you were? “I’d say to be the most exceptional student of the whole of Yonsei, it would go further than just your grades, right?” He massages your shoulder, thumb circling lightly. 
When you look at him, he’s waiting for you to agree with him. You know you’re downplaying it right now, but it’s the only way you might be able to get through the ceremony without vomiting, “Yeah okay, maybe it’s more than that.”
“No, you’re more than that, Sweets.” Why was it even when he was disgustingly cheesy, it made your heart do summersaults, “C’mon, let’s go.” He gets out of the car and rushes to your side to open the door for you. The place had a valet so Sunghoon reluctantly handed the boy his keys, scared for his poor baby.
Walking into the Cathedral was daunting yet exhilarating. The buzz in the air and loud chatter meant your senses didn’t know what to settle on. The inside was beautiful, the architecture old and filled with history, and now you were adding to it in a way, which helps you smile. 
A waiter comes over with champagne on a tray and offers you and Sunghoon one each which you gladly take. You take a sip and savour the fruity taste, Normally, you’re content with a £6 bottle of Echo Falls which doesn’t even truly count as wine never mind champagne, so this is a new experience for you. The drink glides down your throat as you take another swig.
Your date pushes his glass to you, “Here, take this one.”
“Why? Aren’t you having it?” 
“Nah, I don’t drink. Plus, I drove us here.” Sunghoon shrugs and takes the empty glass from your hand, deciding not to comment on how you downed a probably £15 glass of champagne in record time.
You forgot he didn’t drink, so used to everyone around you necking bottles like they were going out of fashion, you are a bit like that too to be fair so you can’t judge them. Even Minhee drank like a fish when he didn’t have training the next morning.
Speaking of Minhee.
“Hey, can you take a picture of me next to the sign?” you point your head towards the grand sign that says ‘25th Annual Crowning Achievement Gala’ in gold writing, weirdly matching your attire.
Sunghoon agrees, stretching out his hand to take your phone, “Does Rina want to see your outfit?”
“No, I promised Mini I would take lots of pictures,” you say nonchalantly, not seeing the way Sunghoon’s expression turns sour. It’s been easy to forget they hate each other since you don’t really bring them up in front of one another.
Adding to his bitterness is the text that conveniently popped up from your brother the exact moment he took your phone. Even his name triggered Sunghoon, not only from their past but because he should be here with you, regardless of circumstances. Sunghoon couldn’t wrap his head around why he wouldn’t just drop everything for you, how his career took prestige over his own little sister. The idea that you aren’t everyone’s first priority makes him sick. He made a vow you would never feel like a second option when you’re with him.
If you could hear the torrent of names and accusations swirling in Sunghoon's mind, it would undoubtedly spark an argument. However, while you couldn't read his thoughts, his facial expressions spoke volumes. “Sunghoon, please. He asked for a picture,” you plead, hoping to diffuse the tension.
“He should have fucking been here,” he seethes, his frustration bubbling dangerously close to the surface. Was he really going to make a scene here and now? Catching the disbelief on your face, he deflates, realizing that this isn’t the appropriate time or place for his outburst. “Sorry, Sweets,” he murmurs, his voice heavy with remorse.
You offer a sarcastic thank you and dutifully pose next to the sign. Sunghoon snaps about 10 different pictures, determined to capture the perfect shot. In his eyes, you look stunning in every single one, but he knows he may be a bit biased.
The bell rings to signal the ceremony is starting and you make your way to the assigned seat. You’re both placed at a round table, big enough to fit 12 people, and in the middle of the table there is a candelabra with flowers at the base and three ice buckets with red and white wine. 
“This is way too fancy for a school award,” The girl beside you whispers, to which you just nod.  As everyone takes their seats, you see Sunghoon pull out your chair for you before sitting on his own. The girl next to you hits her partner and mutters, “Why didn’t you do that for me?”
Sunghoon was a high standard to meet, you knew that. Despite his flaws, he was always gentle with you, raising the bar for your needs more and more. When you eventually find a boy you can be with, he’ll never be on Sunghoon’s level, no one could ever be.
The pain deepens each time you realise that Sunghoon may never be someone you can call yours. 
He reaches over and pours you a white wine, smiling as he does so. One thing you’ve learned about Sunghoon is that he loves to do simple acts of service, and right now he is in his element. Being able to look after you, even in the most simple ways is all he has ever wanted. And since it’s your big night, you’re being more lenient with your rules. He wonders just how far he could push it.
Taking your left hand in his, he intertwines your fingers and brings your hand to his mouth, kissing it softly, “Do you think there’s an overall award? Like, is one of you better than anyone else?” he asks.
“Nah, it would be cruel to make someone an overall winner of a winner. It would take away from the feeling of achievement everyone has,” you look around and see what must be about 90 people. You hadn’t known there were so many universities around the place.
"Yeah, imagine people winning a tournament but still needing to compete again to be the best of the best. I couldn't think of anything worse." Sunghoon gives you a look that asks, ‘Are you aware of who you are speaking to?’ and you realise who you are talking with, Mr. Ice Prince, who is about to compete in Nationals before going on to compete in the Olympics.
The irony was evident, as the person you were expressing this to was thoroughly entrenched in the world of competitive figure skating, which was based on the very idea you found so frustrating. Not that you’re all kumbaya or anything, but it’s a shame that everything in life seems to be a competition.
“How has training been for Nationals?” you ask, focusing on his nose freckle.
“Sweets you come to nearly all my practices, you know it’s going okay,” he eyes you suspiciously, “Wait, was I right the first day I saw you lurking around the ring? Have you made this grand plan to get me whipped for you so you can spy on me?” Sunghoon’s eyebrow raised playfully, “Now you want to sike me out?”
“What? NO!” you proclaim, laughing in disbelief.
“It’s all coming out now, baby, you can’t hide it anymore,” both of you laugh at the thought of an elaborate scheme being the reason he’s sitting beside you right now.
You kiss his hand that’s still tangled with yours, “Hand in hand, I promise I have relayed absolutely nothing to my brother.” 
“Want to tell me what he’s planning then? A flying camel spin? Quad jumps?” Wiggling his brows you let go of his hand a roll your eyes. To be honest, you haven’t seen Minhee’s practice in a while.
Come to think of it, your mum hasn’t pestered you to be there like she normally does. The first few times you missed his practices she reprimanded you, telling you how much missing the training lowers Minhee’s confidence. It’s not that you wanted to miss them, and you tried your hardest to be there, it’s just…you were always with Sunghoon.
The tapping of a mic diverts your attention from your worries to the stage, “Thank you, everyone, for coming. I’m so happy to see so many young talents within our universities, it fills me with pride for this city.” The Chancellor of Education beams with pride.
He continues to ramble on about a bunch of stuff that you couldn't care less about. Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the three steps leading up to the stage and how easily you could trip and faceplant in front of everyone here.
A person dressed in an all-black suit comes over and speaks to your table, “Anyone who is receiving an award, please follow me.” Shit. Here you go. 
You look to Sunghoon who smiles reassuringly, “Go get 'em’, Sweets.” his words are less encouraging than you need them to be at this moment, but the pride in his eyes is enough to get you up off your chair and follow the man to the side of the stage.
Sunghoon watches on as you take your place in line. He can tell you’re shitting a brick but he knows you’ll be fine, you always are - you’re tough like that. A proud smile appeared on his face, showing his admiration for you. As you got closer to the stage, the world around him melted away, leaving only the view of you, poised for recognition.
“Your girl is a looker,” One of the guys at the table says, and the others agree, but Sunghoon doesn’t take his eyes off you, scared he’ll miss any part of this.
“She is, isn’t she?” Sunghoon musters up a reply. If he wasn’t so infatuated with you right now he might have told the boy to keep his eyes off you, but he spares him for now.
Unaware of the compliments being whispered about you at the table, you find yourself sweating a little. If this were any other scenario, you would make a joke about how your palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti, but this isn’t a laughing matter. 
As tension mounts, you silently reassure yourself that you won't stumble, that everything will be fine, and that it’s just a fleeting moment.
As the chancellor says the names of each student, you’re getting closer and closer to the stage and you start to think how you should have had way more wine to calm you, but then again, more wine equals drunk you, and she isn’t exactly steady on her feet at the best of times.
“Y/N Kang.” 
Oh, that’s me. You think, smiling idly. Oh, fuck that’s me.
Centring yourself, you gracefully make it up the stairs, no accident in sight, and walk to the chancellor and thank him as you accept your award.
“WOO!” 
Turning to glance at your table, you notice Sunghoon standing up, clapping and smiling broadly, his canines on full display as he makes a fuss over you and shouts your name. He begins to fist-pump the air, and everyone laughs, including you. As you place a hand over your mouth, your cheeks turn crimson not only from embarrassment but also from happiness. 
The warm glow of the stage lights framed you, creating an illuminating aura around your body. Sunghoon couldn't help but congratulate himself on tricking you into allowing him to buy you the dress you're currently wearing.
You bow to the committee and hurry down the stairs, ready for the spotlight to be off you and on literally anyone else but that isn’t the case. All eyes are on you, happy faces greet you from every table as if they have known you for years, and all you can do is thank them in passing, desperate to get to Sunghoon.
Approaching the table, Sunghoon holds his hand out to stop you, and you pause in place, confused. He picks your phone up and swipes open the camera app, “Pose with your prize, Sweets.”
Obliging, you do a multitude of poses, some silly and some you could actually put on your Instagram. Once he’s satisfied, Sunghoon ushers you towards him, picking you up and spinning you around a few times, “So, so proud of you, Y/N.” Gently, his mouth meets yours as he sets you down, “So fucking proud of you, you have no idea.” his whispered affirmations of pride bring a few tears to your eyes but you blink them back. 
Just like before, he pulls your seat out for you as you sit back down and congratulate the other winners at your table. You miss the way he gazed at you with a softness in his eyes that spoke volumes, an unspoken language of affection and warmth. His gaze followed the contours of your face, fixating on every detail as though he were memorising it. 
He passes you the phone so you can take more pictures of your award to send to Minhee. Sunghoon doesn’t mean to read the messages between you both but he can see how he misjudged Minhee a little.
Mini &lt;3
8:23pm Look! It’s so pretty
3 images attached
8:24pm: Bubs you look amazing?!? 
8:24pm: When did my sister get so pretty?
8:24pm: I wish I was there :( 
8:24pm: I know :( Me too
8:24pm: Better come next time!
8:25pm: Never missing anything again
8:25pm: Love you, I couldn’t be prouder.
8:25pm: Keep me updated!
“Hoonie, let’s get a picture together, hmm?” You haven’t ever taken a picture with him before, possibly because it’s an unspoken rule, but you can’t pass the opportunity up - not when you both look so good.
Shuffling his chair a little so he can be behind you, he leans forward, almost resting his chin on your shoulder before you snap a pic. You take a few, most of them just smiling from a different angle, that is before Sunghoon presses his lips to your cheek and closes his eyes. Closing your eyes with him, you take the picture quickly.
“Ah! It’s so pretty.” You squeal, reviewing the pictures. A serene moment filled with the tenderness of your connection unfolds as his lips find the slope of your shoulder. Sunghoon puckers his mouth and gives you a delicate kiss while his eyes focus on the photo you’re showing him, “Do you like it?”
He turns your face to look at him and whispers, "I love it." Sunghoon's gaze expressed a language deeper than the words, a confession he knows he can't make out loud, not yet, He encloses your lips in his, pouring his feelings into you the best he can. 
It was as if this award ceremony wasn’t happening because you don’t even realise all the awards have been handed out and there’s a band making their way to the stage, both of you are too engrossed in one another. The band plays songs typical of these kinds of events, renditions of pop songs, and some classics to get people dancing. 
As the night progresses, the table you're at empties, but you and Sunghoon remain seated, immersed in conversation about everything and anything. He's removed his jacket and hung it over the chair; his sleeves are rolled up and his tie is loose, reflecting how long you've been getting familiar with each other. You didn’t think there was anything left you could know about him after spending almost 2 months with him, but you were wrong.
As you nurse your second glass of wine, you ask him the most important question of the evening.
“Do you think aliens will come and take over the world?”
Sunghoon laughs out loud, looking at you dotingly, “What? Like right now?” he twirls a piece of your hair framing your face.
“Nah not now, but like in the future. Like some War of the Worlds shit.”
“Oh so not like little green dudes?” He asks and you shake your head assuringly, “Good, because it was hard enough batting every guy at this table tonight off of you, never mind Martians with superpowers. I don’t stand a chance there.”
You laugh for the nth time, “None of them were even looking at me.”
“Yeah, because I gave them all my signature death stare to stop looking at my girl,” he points two fingers to his eyes and imitates a stern expression. 
“Ah, but see, I’m not your girl,” you lean back in your chair and cross one leg over the other, “You’re forgetting that.”
His expression shifted, becoming more earnest, "You could be..." he replied, his gaze holding a sincerity that belied the playfulness of the banter. The words are spoken with true intent, leaving a pause in the air as he looks for any response on your face.
“Hoonie-”
“I know - Minhee, and your devoted loyalty to him - but you know this is more than what we’re calling it, so why don’t we just call it like it is?” he pleads, slouching forward to take your hands in his, “We can still keep it a secret, we don’t have to tell him.”
“But he said no dating, that’s the whole point of us being in this sort of relationship,” you remind him of the loophole he had found in Minhee’s words that eased your guilt.
“Sweets, no offence but if you don’t feel guilty now, you won’t if I call you my girlfriend.”
Girlfriend. 
He skipped the whole dating idea and just jumped straight to relationship status. But he’s right because technically you have been dating for almost 2 months, just never calling it that for your own peace of mind. You never intended to fall headfirst for Sunghoon, or maybe you did. 
You can’t deny the gravitational pull you both have towards one another, that instant connection from the night he kissed you for the first time. Of course, it’s complicated, what with Minhee’s feelings involved, but maybe you should give in and see what happens.
You suck in a breath, your inner turmoil threatening to overwhelm you, "If we’re still keeping it a secret, and everything is still the same between us, why do we need to label it?"
He kisses your hands tenderly, his touch soothing, "Well, we can finally get rid of those fucking rules that neither of us cared about in the first place. I can take you out and proudly call it a date, and shower you with gifts as your man," Sunghoon's gaze shifts from your hands to your eyes, his expression earnest, "And I get to proudly call you mine, for as long as you’ll have me."
The sensation of his lips against your skin sends tingles down your spine, and his words ease the weight of your unspoken desires. It would be a relief to just be with him, but could your mind ever silence the guilt?
“Y/N, listen to me,” he turns deadly serious, a little annoyed at how much Minhee is having a say in this without even uttering a word, “Minhee is a grown man, he will get over it. He won’t hate you, he loves you too much for that. Will he be a little angry at the beginning? Sure, but that won’t last, okay? He does not own you, nor can he tell you who you can and cannot date,” he begs you to see his point of view, “Please just be with me.”
You feel the weight of his words in your chest. Sunghoon hasn’t ever led you wrong so far, so why would he now? Minhee would get over it because, at the end of the day, that’s your brother, the same brother that used to plat your hair when it got in your way, and the same brother who protected you from any hurt when your parents split, hugging you through the shouting. He wouldn’t abandon you so easily.
Sunghoon watches as his words calm you down, and a glimmer of hope punches his heart.
“We still keep it a secret, I can’t tell him just yet. We’ll do it after Nationals.” You tell him a matter of fact.
Nodding understandingly, he reaches for your face, “Yeah, anything you want, Sweets. We’ll do it all at your pace.” This is everything he’s ever wanted, the opportunity to call you his girl, and now that it’s finally here, he feels like he’s the one who won something tonight, “So?”
“So?” You repeat.
“Are you mine? Officially?” he knows the answer, he just wants to hear you say it out loud.
“I’m yours, Hoonie.” 
Dramatically, he lets go of you and sinks into his chair, face etched in glee and relief, it’s a dream come true to have you say those words and he thinks he might pass out. Placing one hand over his heart he breathes out a quiet ‘thank fuck for that’, making you giggle.
A teasing smile tugged at the edges of your lips, and your eyes twinkled with affection, “You’re so silly.” you grab his hand from his heart and replace it with yours, patting it softly. The simple gesture has his face splitting with a grin and his eyes closing.
“My girlfriend,” he whispers to himself but you hear it, your brain dizzying at the thought. He starts to sit up, “My princess, my baby, my angel.” Grabbing your face he kisses you all over like he’s leaving little sprinkles of affection anywhere he can, “Fuck those stupid rules, I’m calling you whatever I want, buying you whatever I want, having sex with you wherever I want.”
“Uh, didn’t you do that anyway?” you say between titters.
“Yeah, but now I don’t have to have your beautiful, perfect, eyes glaring at me every time I do.” Maybe you were a little harsh on him, considering you broke a lot of them multiple times too, “Promise me you won’t back out of this, baby.”
The petname falls just as easily as his nickname for you. Secretly, you hope he doesn’t stop calling you Sweets because even though you don’t know why he does it, it’s his thing for you and you love it, “I promise. And if I feel myself doubting or thinking about how Minhee will feel, I’ll talk to you about it first,” you say this because Sunghoon is the only one that can get you out of your previous mindset, he proved that tonight.
Resting his forehead against yours, Sunghoon looks directly into your eyes, “Good. Because I’m yours and I won’t let him ruin this for us. I don’t care.”
“Me either.” And you truly mean it.
The sound of glasses being collected and chairs stacked upon one another makes you retreat from him and look up. The event had been over for a hot minute, only you, Sunghoon, and a few drunken mothers who can’t get up off the dance floor are left in the grand hall.
You check your phone and see it’s almost 3am, “Shit, we better go.” 
Sunghoon peers at the clock on his watch and a pout forms on his lips, “We didn’t even get to dance.”
“Eh, whatever, we can do that whenever we like now.” You cheekily remark, turning his sullen expression into one of amazement. You can tell he still doesn’t really believe it.
“Please tell me you don’t have to go home tonight?” He asks.
Shaking your head you stand up, putting things back into your bag, “No, I told Minhee and Mum I would be staying at Rina’s so I don’t wake them up.”
“Great.” He slings your bag over his shoulder and grabs your award before he lifts you up, earning a yelp from you but he doesn’t acknowledge it, instead opting to squeeze your ass with his free hand and keep his grip there to ensure you don’t fall.
“Hoonie, what are you doing?” You laugh, securing your legs and arms around him.
“What does it look like? I’m going home so I can fuck my award-winning girlfriend.” 
______
Sunghoon pushes you into his flat as he kisses you passionately, his mouth never leaving yours even when he unlocks the door and slams it shut behind him. You’re just as needy for him, pulling at his tie to drag him into the bedroom that you know your way to oh, so well.
Despite the urgency in both of your bodies, he places your award gently on his desk, sure to not break it. You, on the other hand, couldn’t care less, you need him more than a glass trophy. You begin to practically climb his tall figure, seeking any sort of sexual relief. 
He knew you couldn’t wait for him when you were kissing him at every traffic light and had his belt unbuckled before he even made it out of the car. He was honestly surprised you didn’t try to suck him off while he was driving. 
You began to strip him of his tie and shirt, fumbling with his buttons all the way down, “Easy, baby, you have me.” He reassures you, but there isn’t any stopping you tonight, you’re on a high like no other. You just got a boyfriend, got acknowledged for all your hard work in uni, and now you’re going to fuck until the sun comes up, what’s not to love about your life right now? 
Without you even noticing, he unties the bow behind your neck and pulls it down, exposing your erect nipples. Sleeking his hands down from your neck to your tits, he rolls your nipples in between his fingers, pinching every so often to send a jolt through your body and down to your sex.
Pushing, you guide him to the bed until he collapses on it, a quiet ‘oof’ leaving his lips at the force. Sunghoon wasn’t necessarily prepared for you to be so in control but he won’t complain, how could he when you were climbing onto him, tits dangling in front of him like tempting raindrops and he’s been in the desert, thirsty for them. 
He sits up, chest at eye level as he licks up the curve of your right breast, teasing you. You’re hands run through his hair, pushing his bangs back so you can get a good look at his face. He has the same bright look he always does when he gets to play with your tits, it would actually be quite sweet if you both weren’t about to perform a sinful act.
Flickering his eyes up to you, he smirks, taking your nipple into his mouth finally twirling his tongue around it hungrily. The way he keeps staring into your eyes as he sucks your tit has you breathing out slowly and your chest moving heavily. 
Once his teeth sink into you, your eyes shut and your head falls back. His sharp teeth gently tug at your nub, then licking it softly - he alternates between the nip and pleasure his mouth is giving you.
Deciding enough is enough, you pull his face away, watching as he goes to go right back to it; if it wasn’t for the grip you had on him, he would have, “Please don’t stop me,” He whines, his eyes looking at you, a drip of begging splashing around in his iris.
“Do you want to suck my tits, or fuck me?” You pose.
Sunghoon doesn’t have to think about it, he knows exactly what the answer is. Curling his arms behind you, he zips down your dress as it sits at the bottom of your spine, using the opportunity to kiss the valley of your breasts. He bunches up the material and lifts it over your head, leaving you in nothing but your underwear.
His jaw nearly hits the floor as he sees the white mesh thong tilted on your waist, “Fuck,” He can’t believe you had that under the dress the whole time and he’s only getting to see it now.
You wouldn’t normally wear white with a black dress but it’s his favourite colour on you which you discovered recently. One night you wore his white t-shirt to bed and he couldn’t stop looking at you, his hands all over you the second he saw you adorned in it. 
“They’re cute, right?” You were proud of your purchase before but now seeing his reaction, you were more than pleased with yourself.
“Baby, did you buy them for me?” He licks his lips, the corners of his lips tugging up as he runs his middle finger along your clothed slit, dipping it to pull the underwear closer to him. It gives him the chance to see just how wet you are, the patch darkening the material.
Nodding your head, you reply, “All for you, Hoonie” Your voice comes out more seductive than you mean to but it only fuels his fire more. 
You bite your finger and smile down, acting bashful but he sees right through it, knowing you’re enjoying how he’s reacting to you, “I’ve hit the fucking jackpot with you,” He confesses, still eyeing your cunt.
It makes you giddy how easily he says things like that, as if it comes so naturally to him to compliment you or make you feel like you’re the only girl he’s ever looked at. 
To Sunghoon, you might as well be the only woman on the planet, he doesn’t care about any of the others, not when you’re here gracing this earth. Your laugh, your smile, your body, your ability to inject him with a new lease of life, why would he ever need to look at anyone else?
“Are you just going to stare?” You lean down to his ear, “Or are you going to fuck your girlfriend?” 
He almost cums, your words shooting down to his dick and making it throb. You’re his girlfriend. He won’t ever get used to it, dreaming about it so long he thought that’s all it would be, a distant dream. When you said you would be his, his heart could have vomited.
Grabbing your waist, he flips you over, his expression is menacing which means you’re in for the time of your life. Your boyfriend captures your lips with his, hands roughly grabbing at your sides and hips. 
With whatever of your concentration isn’t on his tongue in your mouth, you undo his trousers and push them down with your feet, dragging his boxers down in the process. All that’s left on him is his white shirt but you don’t want to get rid of that just yet. The way it’s lazily hanging off his shoulders makes him look like those slutty little white tunics in period dramas. 
Sunghoon’s mouth moves from your lips to your jaw and down your neck, suckling the base of your neck which he knows gets you a moaning mess. 
True to his knowledge, you mewl out, tilting your head to encourage him more. 
His hands slither down to your thong, playing with it a little to tease you and fill you with anticipation. As he pushes the material away, exposing your folds, he looks down, “You’re so ready for me, Sweets, don’t you think?” He slides two of his fingers in between your pussy, quickly dipping them in and out with ease before offering them to your lips/
Without hesitation, you accept his silent invitation, sucking his fingers clean, never stopping your intense gaze into his eyes. 
The way you know what he wants without him having to vocalise it just makes him even more desperate for you. He presses his fingers against your tongue, causing you to open your mouth, “Stick it out for me,” Sunghoon asks, eyes clouded with lust.
As you stick your tongue out, he retracts his fingers, delving to lick your tongue, “You taste so good, baby,” he licks your tongue once more before committing to the kiss you’ve been craving.
Desperately, you grab his cock and pump him, your hand inadvertently skimming past your clit in the prosses due to how close his body is to yours. 
The sudden touch from you shocks Sunghoon but what really sends him reeling is your thumb rubbing over his head, circling the tip with pressure, “Jesus Christ,” he huffs out breathlessly, his hips bucking into your palm, hoping for more delicious release from your grip. 
His hot breath hits your face as he pants, only making you more eager to please him. Bringing your hips up, you trap his cock between your slit and palm, rubbing both against his shaft, the heat of your pussy contradicts the coldness of your hand, making Sunghoon’s brain fry.
Your fingers push him to sit neatly in your folds, however, when you thrust your hips up again, the pressure makes the head of his cock dip into your entrance, causing you both to moan loudly.
“Sweets, let me put on a condom,” he swallows, managing to choke out the words amidst his desire. He shakes his head trying to bring himself to a rational state but as you dip him in again, he can only groan, “Fuck.”
“We don’t need one,” you assert, shallowly fucking yourself on the first 2 inches of his cock, “I want to feel my boyfriend.”
Your words hang in the air but none of you stop your actions, not even pretending to think about it. Sunghoon nudges your nose with his, “You sure?”
“I’m positive, baby,” you whisper into his mouth, sharing your wants with him. You’re both too far gone into one another that none of you have the common sense to say no.
The man above you nods, placing two tiny kisses on your lips while his hips move with the pressure of your hand, “I’ll pull out, I promise,” he has never given you a reason to distrust his promises and you won't start now.
He captures your lips in a searing kiss with a low growl as you push more of him inside you. To be fair, the feeling isn’t that much different from when he wears condoms, the thin feel condoms he buys, he buys for a reason.
But this wasn’t about feeling his cock raw, it was about connecting with him just that little bit more, about showing your trust in him. 
The head of his cock slowly hits you deeper, each time he jerks his hips into you, he penetrates deeper inside. The feel of your naked walls on his bell feels unreal, the way each bump scrapes his tender tip makes him groan, his head buried into your neck to muffle his sounds.
“You feel so good, Hoonie,” With his cock now fully inside you, your fingertips graze up his tensing toned stomach and around to his back, caressing him gently, “Faster, please,” you ask as your hands slide to his ass, pushing down rhymically to set him at a new pace.
Sunghoon loves when you subtly take control, still letting him be the one to fuck you so good you see stars while telling him how to get you there. He can read your body so well but that doesn’t mean you can’t tell him what else you need from him.
Lifting your bottom half, he holds your hips and pounds into you the way you want, the velocity of his thrusts sends your eyes to the back of your head. You can’t help but moan his name loudly, chanting it like you’re possessed, “Sunghoon, shit, don’t stop.”
He chuckles, looking down at you, “You’re mad if you think I ever would.”
Shuffling so your butt is balancing on his thighs, he bucks up into you with the same speed but now he’s using one of his free hands to rub your clit, adding a new layer of intensity, “Holy fuck,” You thrash under him as your nub tingles at his touch.
Your words provide him with all the encouragement he needs to give you even more, “You’re so good at taking me, Sweets. Look how good you are,” He entices you to look down but you stop as you finally look at his face; the sweat dripping from his forehead, some of it collected in the creases of his brows as he scrunches his face, focused only on fucking you into heaven. His mouth is hanging open, pushing out short breaths to mirror the movement of his hips.
He’s so deliciously hot.
If your pussy could actually purr, it would be, but instead, it’s clenching to show that you’re close. The tightness doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend, who smirks, looking at you with hooded eyes, “You gonna cum, baby?” 
Sunghoon’s tongue swipes over his bottom lip as he flicks your clit faster, trying to get you closer to the edge. This will be the first time he’s experiencing you cumming on his raw cock, so he’s a little impatient, desperate to know what your core feels like as it grips him naked.
“Hoon..Hoonie..” your heartbeat is rapidly increasing in your chest but your breathing is slowing down, a clear indicator that you’re coming undone, “I’m cumming, fuck, I’m cumming.”
“Yeah, you are, sweetheart” Sunghoon has to control himself but it’s painfully difficult as he feels your walls clamp down and contract on his member. He’s so engrossed in the feeling of you that he keeps going, pressing your stomach down with his arm to stop you from escaping and slipping off him.
His thumb goes hard at your swollen bud, the fast sensation causing you to try and pull away. It feels like you’re on fire but Sunghoon has no desire to stop. He physically can’t, you feel too good, the squirming of your hips mixed in with your walls hugging him, there was no way he could give it up just yet.
You choke on the air you're actively trying to get into your lungs as your boyfriend overstimulates you.  It’s painful, yet, you’re begging for it not to stop.
“Oh my god, Hoon.” your voice is sore from all the moaning and dry mouth you have.
“I’m nearly there, Sweets. Fuck, I’m so close.” Now that he’s seeking his own release, he switches his position, opting to have you as close to him as possible. With the little strength he has left, he hugs your body and scoops you to sit fully on his cock, tits bouncing in his face as he guides you up and down his shaft, “Y/N, can you keep it clenched for me? Please?” The please comes out as a whispered beg.
Nodding, you gather your focus to your pussy and squeeze him and it’s like you’re suddenly seeing stars, his cock sloppily hitting your g-spot over and over thanks to the newfound tightness.
Shutting his eyes to truly envelope himself in the feel of you, his stomach tightens, balls throbbing as he stops himself from cumming, “Fuck, wait,” he abruptly lifts you off him, the last drag of his head against your squeezed hole has ropes of his cum shooting up as high as your breasts, “Y/N, shit, Jesus.”
You stare at his cock as it keeps unloading between you both, creating a sticky mess on both of your bodies. It’s always so beautiful to see him cum like this, although usually it’s on your face after you’ve given him a blow job. 
Both of you are equally spent, panting filling the otherwise silent room. You revel in the aftermath of the ecstasy, the air thick with the scent of your combined essence.
As the waves of pleasure gradually ebb away, you feel contentment wash over your body and mind, eliciting a smile from you. This was truly the best night of your life.
Sunghoon’s eyes drag up your body as he notices the cum splattered on your tits, “Fucking hell, look at you,” his tone is saturated in awe and delight as he drinks you in. Honestly, he didn’t know he could shoot that far; he’ll have to give himself a pat on the back later for creating the masterpiece in front of him.
Swiftly, he brings his mouth back to your tit, licking the cum from you and your eyes widen in shock. Guys don’t tend to even want to kiss you if you’ve swallowed their cum, never mind cleaning it off your body. 
Truthfully, Sunghoon isn’t in his right mind just yet, still clouded with lust, aching for any sort of contact with you. Your tits are all he sees.
“Sunghoon?” you try to bring him back but it doesn’t work, you’ll need to physically drag him away from your chest. Cupping his face, you bring him to level with you again, “You okay?”
“I need you so fucking much,” he whispers, his lips seeking yours in a tender kiss.
Your laughter dances between you, "You just had me," you tease, the warmth of his lips against yours sparking a playful energy between you.
But his next words sober the moment, revealing a depth of feeling that leaves you breathless. "No, like in every sense, I fucking need you. I can't imagine even breathing without you," he admits, his vulnerability laid bare in the afterglow of the moment.
Moved by Sunghoon's heartfelt confession, you feel a surge of emotion welling up inside you. With an adoring smile, you caress his cheek, your touch a silent reassurance of your love for him.
"I need you too, Sunghoon," you whisper, your voice barely more than a breath against his lips. "More than anything.” It’s a simple mirror of his words, but you hope he knows you truly mean it.
To be frank, even if you had just said ‘ditto’ back, he would have been content. There are feelings for you so deep routed into his soul that he’s terrified and excited all at once.
And you’re all his.
“My girlfriend,” he beams, finally coming out of his lust coma, “You’re mine.”
His words strike a chord deep inside you, creating an overwhelming feeling of belonging and security that wraps around your heart like a warm embrace. With a delicate grin, you return his adoration, your fingers tracing soft patterns along his jawline as you enjoy the tenderness of his affection for you.
"I'm yours, Hoonie," you say quietly your voice full of reverence, "Until you want to get rid of me."
Kissing your palm, he smirks, trailing all the way up your arm and along your shoulder, “I’m literally never letting you go, I’m sorry,” his eyes shine a playful glint as he peppers kisses along your face, “That also means right now.”
He quickly pushes you back into the mattress, both of you laughing as he softly kisses your nose; nevertheless, you know the gentleness will fade as soon as he realises he hasn't even eaten you yet. It’s not in him not to devour your pussy.
You can only sigh in satisfaction as he runs his lips down your stomach.
This is everything you’ve ever wanted. He is everything you’ve ever wanted.
taglist (closed!!): @heelee-01 @zerasari @beomgyusonlywife @iwaplant @monstanctiny21 @chiiiiiiiiis @minniejenseo @run2gyuz @jngwnlvs @haelahoops @capri-cuntz @nctislifue @jaehoonii @weyukinluv @skzenhalove @enhypenlovre @cherriruto @bambangan @who-tf-soddhi @nxzz-skz @nshmrarki @hotsforikeu @enhastolemyheart @erehkinnie30 @judeduartewannabe @neosexual @fakeuwus @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @tobiosbbyghorl @kimsunoops
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verlovestaylor13 · 1 year
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Dear Reader...
Hi @taylorswift and @taylornation. The twins are back to give you The Story of Us ... updated 2023 edition❤️✨
What a journey these 16 years have been with you. You don’t know me, but hi my name’s Veronica! I’m 28 (turning 29 on 8/11!) and my IDENTICAL twin Victoria (@viclovestaylor13) and I have loved you for years. Your music has quite literally been the soundtrack of our lives.
Vic and I haven’t had the easiest past, to sum it up. We wouldn’t be the people we are today If it wasn’t for your love, strength, music and radiating happiness. Although you don’t know it, we’ve grown up together and experienced impressive milestones with you being a constant along the way. I’m not good at this whole tumblr thing, let alone getting you to see my post amidst the millions I’m sure you’re exposed to. But hey, we can’t ever give up hope! So that’s what I’m doing, here’s to never giving up. And here’s to always hoping that my twin sister and I will one day have the chance to tell you EVERYTHING and most importantly, thank you for everything that you’ve truly done for us. Fun fact is that we’re from Rhode Island so all of our experiences at your tours have been at our favorite place….GILLETTE STADIUM!!!
✨✨Okay lets start from the first tour we were able to attend! As you scroll down you’ll see us through the years until we reach 2023 at the bottom ❤️
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🌈🌈🌈☂️Speak Now Tour  6/26/11  ✨
This was the first time we saw you!! Trust me when I say we wanted to see you MANY times before this but we were young and had no $$$. This show was a combination birthday and Christmas present.
Seeing you live for the first time changed us, to say it was magical is a complete understatement.
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🌹Red Tour 7/26/13 & 7/27/13  ✨
These shows were OF COURSE at Gillette Stadium! Vic and I saved up our money so that we could be at BOTH nights!! After the speak now tour we knew we never wanted to miss a single night. We picked up extra shifts at work and didn’t splurge on anything so that we could be there, buy merch and have the time of our lives. It was incredible and yes it did rain. We happily danced in ponchos.
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🎀1989 World Tour 7/24/15 & 7/25/15✨
Of course my sister Vic and I once again picked up extra shifts at work, ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and saved our money to be at both nights! I can still picture those nights as if it was yesterday…it’s crazy how much fun we had. This was during a tough year and having your shows to look forward to really helped us more than you could ever know.
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🐍REPUTATION TOUR 7/26/18, 7/27/18 & 7/28/18✨
As it has been with all your prior tours, my sister Vic and I saved up our money and gave up on certain things to afford to be there for ALL THREE (3) NIGHTS!! This time we were able to save enough money to afford our outfits! We dressed up and made friends with Gillette staff because of it!!! See the pics below 😇 The rep tour forever lives in our hearts and we’re constantly watching videos and crying lol.
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Lover Fest 🌈🌻💐🌸
Vic and I spent over TWELVE (12!!) hours to get tickets for lover fest east! Luckily between using our phones at work and carrying portable chargers, we secured dates to BOTH of the shows at gillette!
...March 2020
We know what this month and honestly the whole year brought into the world. Vic and I started as REGISTERED NURSES on March 2, 2020...and the federal shutdown in the United States quickly followed suit. Here we were, 2 brand new nurses working amidst a pandemic with no vaccine at the time and people passing away at an astronomical rate. Significant sacrifices were made this year and with that we know that Lover Fest was canceled. Being FRONTLINE WORKERS, Vic and I thought it was the best decision to cancel lover fest given the critical nature of the world. We were of course extremely sad, but it was the best for everyones safety. You continued to be our guidance while the nature of hospital systems turned into crisis scenarios. There were countless nights of physical as well as emotional breakdowns as we tried to navigate this unfamiliar world of nursing during a global pandemic. It was a long few months that turned into years - and now writing this in 2023 the pandemic is not over, but there is a newfound hope. We even wore the “I’m Feeling 2022″ headband to work our NYE night shift in 2021! That was until it had to be removed to go into covid isolation rooms, but it was still present! I attached the picture below.
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Fast forward to us now... and somehow it’s 2023?!
We have come out stronger than ever and now we are ready for The Eras Tour in our home aka Gillette Stadium!!! Like the tours in the past, we knew we had to be at ALL THREE (3) NIGHTS! We saved up and through all the rough shifts in the hospital, we knew a tour would be in the horizon as a reward. We couldn’t be more excited to be happy, free, confused and NOT lonely with the best people...Taylor Swift fans. 
✨✨✨
 ❤️ The Eras Tour 5/19/23, 5/20/23, 5/21/23 ✨
Let’s do this!!!!!
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✨✨✨
Here’s where you can find us having the best days💃🏻
🪩FRIDAY MAY 19: Section A5, row 1, seats 11&12
🌟 SATURDAY MAY 20: Section A9, row 3, seats 3&4
💎SUNDAY MAY 21: Section A12, row 19, seats 7&8
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And then later in 2023...
Vic is getting MARRIED👰❤️ this October!!! I’m hosting her Bridal Shower on July 9th 2023 (I think we all know the significance of that date!) I’m also throwing her a LOVER THEMED BACHELORETTE in August! There will be references to the other eras as well just for fun! Then of course we have lyrics from your songs referenced EVERYWHERE for Vic’s wedding. Beautiful and meaningful lyrics selected to help tell Vic’s love story with Brandon. See the pictures I attached below! 
Also, let us know if you guys  @taylornation​ @taylorswift​ want to come because “...at every table, I’ll save you a seat” 🦋
There’s a standing invite to any and all festivities, always❤️
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It has always been and will always be you, @taylorswift. Thank you for every. single. thing. We owe a lot of our success to you and one day we hope to tell you all about it✨❤️
 Until then, thank you for being you and being a constant all these years. Your Rhode Island twin nurses love you more than can ever be explained. Eternally grateful.
Long live🦋❤️🐱
- Veronica (Twitter: @va13x) & Victoria (Twitter: @viclynn24)
@taylorswift @taylornation
3K notes · View notes
avocado-writing · 4 months
Note
Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆
ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...
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Astarion
really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.
can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?
you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.
if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.
holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.
as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.
Gale
curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.
wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.
makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.
you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."
fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.
when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.
Lae'zel
only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.
"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"
hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.
makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.
it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.
"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."
goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.
Shadowheart
obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.
immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.
it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.
"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."
her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.
"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."
she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.
Wyll
panics.
you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.
he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.
lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.
helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.
when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.
constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.
Karlach
another panicker.
scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.
begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.
you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.
carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.
Halsin
sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?
squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.
you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.
he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.
kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.
Dammon
my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.
waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?
when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.
he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.
he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.
Rolan
another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.
"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."
rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.
you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.
Zevlor
practical but still worried about you.
you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.
you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.
when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.
when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.
does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...
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transmascissues · 11 months
Text
building off of this post, people love to say that “trans men want to keep going into in women’s spaces after they transition because they just want to have the best of both worlds!” but in my experience, there are four main reasons that a trans man might use a “women’s space” after they transition:
it’s an important resource that’s being arbitrarily gendered and we need to use it regardless of which gender is “supposed to” be using it.
it’s a public facility where we’d be significantly less safe in the men’s version and we have to choose our safety over our desire to not be misgendered.
it’s a social space that we’ve been in since before we transitioned and we don’t want to suddenly be cut off from our friends and support system.
the trans man in question is multigender and is also a woman, or maintains some other kind of connection to womanhood alongside their manhood.
do any of those sound like “evil men rubbing our dirty little hands together making plans for how we’re going to get male privilege without losing access to women’s spaces” to you? they sure don’t to me!
i think it’s pretty reasonable that we want to transition without losing the ability to access the resources we need, keep ourselves safe, keep up the relationships we’ve built, and express all facets of who we are. all of those are really, like, pretty basic parts of having good life and we shouldn’t be expected to give them up when we transition.
and honestly, if you claim to care about trans people, you should not be so attached to the gendering of these spaces that you’re willing to deny trans men those things for the sake of upholding gender restrictions. anyone who prioritizes the sanctity of gender segregated spaces over the safety, health, and well-being of trans men is a fucking transphobe. (yes, even if you’re trans yourself.)
and that’s what really gets me about all of this — the vehemence with which people are willing to defend those spaces being entirely and inflexibly gendered, despite how enforcement of gendered spaces has hurt trans people time and time again. gendered spaces have literally always been set up in ways that force trans people to break the rules; some trans men might break those rules in ways that don’t make sense to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for us to do so! it just means you might feel weird about it and that’s okay, discomfort won’t kill you.
“but using women’s spaces after transitioning to male defeats the purpose of transitioning! the whole point of transitioning is to be able to live as a man!”
and who are you to tell trans men what the point of our transitions should be? what if the purpose of us transitioning is just to live the happiest and most fulfilled life possible, and forcing ourselves into unsafe spaces or denying ourselves access to important resources or cutting ourselves off from important people in our lives or pushing down the more complex parts of our genders would “defeat the purpose of transitioning” for us? what if being able to go where cis men go is just one part of a much bigger journey, not the end goal?
if you really want to talk about “defeating the purpose,” let’s talk about how policing which gendered spaces trans men can access defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from policing which gendered spaces trans people can access, because it allows the policing of trans people in gendered spaces to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether. let’s talk about how using “evil men invading women’s spaces” rhetoric against trans men defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from using it against trans women, because it allows the rhetoric to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether.
the point of saying “let people decide which gendered space is right for them” isn’t to make sure everyone uses the one aligned with their “true gender,” it’s to let people do what’s best for them without punishing them for their choice. sometimes the best choice is one that seems wrong from the outside, and you need to learn to live with that.
i just think we as a community need to be more hostile toward people who think upholding the sanctity of a gendered space is more important than giving trans people the freedom to move through the world without being punished for existing in those gendered spaces. that kind of thinking is fucking dangerous and it’s weird as hell that some of y’all are so comfortable with it being directed at us.
moral of the story: stop giving so much of a shit about where a trans man decides to piss or see a doctor or hang out or whatever else. even if you think he doesn’t belong there, he probably has a good reason to be there anyway, and that reason is frankly none of your damn business.
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imtryingbuck · 4 months
Text
Eighteen
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader
Summary: Bucky comes from a well respected family, he falls in love with a girl who prefers the simple things in life. Follow their journey through the years.
Word count: 5,786
Warnings: fluff, angst, heavy use of pet names. eating humans (doesn’t happen obviously and it’s only said as a joke) mentions of cheating, mentions of past suicide attempt
A/N: No description of reader other than she has curly hair.
Masterlist   Series Masterlist
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It had been three years since she was last at home, three years at private school and it was amazing for her. 
She made friends with two of the girls there Natasha and Wanda, they had introduced themselves to her first and Wanda shyly had asked if Y/n would like to be their friend, she hesitated at first but eventually said yes which brought a huge smile to Wanda’s face and a shy smile to Nat’s.
They accepted her with open arms and Nat even enjoyed playing in the mud and climbing trees with Y/n. When that fateful day came where they saw her scars she panicked and knew that they wouldn’t want to be her friends anymore but instead of judgemental or looks of horror Wanda burst out crying and pulled her in to a bone crushing hug whilst Nat stood there cursing in Russian. For the first time since James she opened up to what had happened to her.
Not even Steve knew the whole story, especially not Sam. Sam had heard things but chose not to listen; he chose to wait until she had said something herself.
Once she had finished telling them everything she was comforting the two red heads reminding them that she was okay now.
It had felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and for the first time she felt like she could breathe.
If you saw one of the girls the other two was close behind.
Throughout the three years that had passed she had heard about Bucky, Sam and Steve from her parents. The boys had showed up a few days after she had left so James could apologise and when they found out she had gone James started to cry, Steve and Sam too. When she heard about that she wanted to go back home to make up with her boys fighting with herself on whether or not she should but ultimately she decided that she wasn’t going anywhere. James had made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t her friend and that he never wanted to be in the first place.
It was a hard decision for her to make but luckily she had Nat and Wanda by her side supporting her.
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Now that school was over she was heading back home, she had decided she didn’t want to go to college and after a bit of back and forth with her parents - especially her mom - they agreed to let her do what she wanted to do.
“We’ll see each other in a month Wands don’t cry” she says hugging Wanda who was in fact balling her eyes out.
“A month is so long away an-and what will I do if I’ve forgotten your face or-or your voice?” Ever so dramatically Wanda cried.
“Really? Really Wands it’s four weeks you’re not going to forget anything about me and if you do I’ll have to punch you in the arm”
“Please don’t, but you’re right. I’ll just have to go on living without you my friend, go go leave and don’t look back, I don’t think my heart could take it” Wanda says bringing one hand across her face and the other clutching her chest.
Y/n looks at Nat who stands there with one eyebrow raised “this…this is our best friend”
“I know. Wand why do you have to be so dramatic all the time?”
“Hey I’m not dramatic I’m traumatised!”
Nat and Y/n burst out laughing, shaking their heads at the red head. “Traumatised? Wanda I love you but you my friend are so dramatic”
“I’m trying to be…emotional and romantic well not romantic because even though I love you Y/n I have to admit baby girl you’re not my type”
“Don’t say that-“ Nat says quickly but gets cut off.
“I-I’m not y-your type? H-how dare you!”
“Great just great, look everyone these two weirdo’s are my best friends!” Nat shouts pointing at her friends.
“I have to be honest with myself Y/n/n okay, I can’t keep lying to you it-it’s not fair, I’m sorry” Wanda says in a wobbly voice.
“No, no I understand. I’m just not good enough for you and that’s the truth! Don’t keep lying to yourself Wanda!”
“Guys please stop…” Nat butts in.
“Great you’ve upset our daughter!” Wanda shouts throwing her hands in the air.
“Me? Me? Well guess Wanda she might not even be yours! That’s right I cheated on you with your father!”
“W-what? H-how could you? I loved you”
“But you don’t love me anymore now the truth can be out there!”
“To be fair Wanda could possibly be my dad because we both have red hair…”
“She gets her attitude from you Y/n, how could you do this to us?”
“Us? You’re the one that literally just said I wasn’t your type!”
“Guys please, I don’t want to come from a broken home”
“Oh Natty come here sweetie me and your maybe father was just playing” Y/n says opening her arms for Nat to shuffle into. Wanda then wraps her arms around the pair.
“Well ladies that was a very moving performance if I do say so myself but it’s time for you to break it up and leave” Mr Walters says from the steps leading up to the school.
“Right, sorry sir. Emotional day” Y/n speaks first.
“A lot of truth came out sir, we needed it” Wanda then says.
“Wanda might not be my father sir, I’m so depressed” Nat shrugs.
“I’m…I’m actually traumatised because of you three. Thanks for that.”
“Rude. Well goodbye sir, thanks for being the best teacher ever!” Y/n waves.
“Bye ladies, good luck with everything” he says walking back in to the school, he had to admit that he was going to miss seeing the trio and miss their antics.
“You’re such a teacher’s pet” Nat laughed.
“It’s called respect madam, something you clearly don’t have for your mother!”
“Y/n, baby it’s time to go” Maria interrupts whatever Nat was going to say.
“Coming. Well ladies I guess this is it, it’s been a pleasure knowing you but this is where the curtains close, I bid you adieu.” Y/n bows.
“And I’m called dramatic” rolling her eyes Wanda bows too.
“Alright guess I’ve got to do the same” Nat follows along.
“But no in all seriousness I’m so glad I met you and I’m forever grateful to the pair of you”
“Always Y/n you know this, we’ll always be friends no matter what and we’ll see each other next month” Nat said as she pulls Y/n into a hug.
“I love you both” Wanda says wrapping her arms around her friends.
Pulling away they all smile at each other.
“Last one to their parents cars are a rotten egg in 3…2…1” 
They take off running to their parents; Y/n first, Nat second and Wanda third.
“No fair! You guys know I’m terrible at running!” Wanda shouts from her parents’ car.
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The drive home was filled with conversations, laughter and catching up. It had been six months since they had seen her in that six months she looked more grown up, more sure of herself, happier.
Maria couldn’t help but smile as her daughter rambled on about what her and her friends had been getting up to. Amazed by how she looked so much like her mama, Maria made it her sole mission to make sure Y/n got a few photographs of her and her mama from the hell hole of a house she grew up in. Maria had kept one for herself it was a photo of Y/n who was roughly three or four years old with her arms wrapped around her mamas neck who had a baby Y/n in her arms as they stood outside a cabin, both smiling widely as the camera captured a beautiful moment between mother and daughter.
It was only after seeing that photograph that Maria understood where Y/n had gotten her crazy unruly hair from, Maria knew that Y/n was blessed to have taken her looks and traits from such a beautiful woman.
Y/n didn’t know that her momma would go to her mamas grave and put fresh flowers down every weekend or how she would sit on the hard ground and speak to the woman she never met before and talk for hours telling her how their daughter was growing, how she was cheeky and caring, how smart she was. Or how just before she would leave the grave where her birth mom laid Maria would place a kiss to her fingers and place them on the headstone and say “thank you my friend” because yes even though she had never met the woman and that she was no longer alive she had become Maria’s friend, and every time she thanked the woman it was for giving her a wonderful gift, Y/n.
“-mom? Momma are you even listening?” Y/n says.
“Oh, sorry darling yes I’m listening”
“No you weren’t but it’s okay I was just saying that Nat had found a rat in her bag and she screamed so loudly it nearly burst my eardrums”
“To be truthful I would have done the same thing” Maria chuckles.
“I know! I had to calm it down because it had gotten scared, I mean well so would I if I had Nat screaming and trying to hit me with a bag” Y/n giggles.
Shaking her head she was so happy that Y/n had Nat and Wanda as friends, they treat her good and were really amazing friends to her daughter. When she met the two red heads she was taken back by watching their dynamic and how well Y/n fit in so perfectly.
“Natasha’s reaction was perfectly justifiable” she points out.
“That’s true but she could have calmed down, I was there and we all know I’m great at talking to animals and calming them down” she smirks.
“Very true angel, listen…please don’t be mad-“
“No…dad you both promised!”
“It wasn’t our idea angel but George’s and Winnie’s, darling they’ve missed you-“
“A party dad? I suck at those things”
“It’s not a party but more like a get together-“
“So a party. Uncle George and Aunt Winnie don’t do “get togethers” dad and you know that”
“Well it’s happening and you’re going to enjoy it, you’re going to smile and have a good time and you’ll thank George and Winnie afterwards” Howard speaks.
“Yes Master”
“Good boy”
“Treat?”
“Not yet”
“Do you want me to give you my paw?”
“Mar our dog talks way too much, I told you we should have gone with a German shepherd and not a Chihuahua”
“Oi I’m not a Chihuahua! If I had to be a dog I probably would be basset hound…”
“Why?”
“They’re so cute and lazy and small”
Howard lets out a booming laugh as he nods, Y/n joins in whilst Maria looks at the driver who’s trying not to laugh “would you be a dear and crash the car for me please?”
“No don’t, I can’t get a treat if I’m dead” Y/n laughs out causing Howard to laugh even louder.
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“‘A get together’ yeah alright dad! It’s like the whole world is here” she scoffs.
“Don’t be so dramatic, come on and don’t forget to smile”
Half of the people who had showed up she didn’t even know and the ones she did were either nice to her or people who helped to torment her but doing as her father said she smiled at everyone, saying her thanks when people congratulated her for graduating school.
“My sweetie!” Winnie’s loud voice came from across the garden, Y/n watched at the woman who she’s missed dearly nearly runs over to her.
“Miss Winnie, I’ve missed you!” She wraps her arms around her third mother figure.
“I’ve missed you too my sweet baby, oh look at you! All so grown up and so bloody beautiful, where’s that’s little girl who broke my heart all them years ago gone?”
“I killed her and buried her in the backyard but don’t tell my momma or dada that” she giggled.
“I won’t don’t worry your secrets safe with me” Winnie winked.
“Is-is that…no I don’t believe my eyes. It’s my darling girl!” George shouts ignoring all the looks that get thrown his way as he makes his way over to Y/n and Winnie.
“Hi Mr George”
“Oh my, you’re as beautiful as ever!” He picks her up and spins her around just as he did when she was little “oof and your heavier”
“George!” Winnie scolds.
“What have they been feeding you at that school hey missy?” He asks completely ignoring his wife.
“Humans from all over the world” she winks with a shoulder shrug.
“Are they nice? I’ve been thinking of getting into eating humans” 
“Honestly? I recommend that you should, tasty” she laughs, George and Winnie joining in.
“On a serious note though, I’ve missed you darling and I’m so proud of you. And please remember I love you, you’ve always been our daughter too. Oh God I’m so fucking proud of you” George says with tears in his eyes as he remembers the first day he met her, how small and scruffy she was, how scared she look. After what that monster did to her he was scared that she wasn’t going to survive. It’s true though, he and Winnie saw her as their daughter before Howard and Maria adopted her.
“I love you both too and I will forever be indebted to you both”
“Nonsense silly girl” Winnie says.
“Are you trying to steal my daughter away?” Howard laughs as he walks over.
“Obviously, the plan is to knock you and Maria out and I’m going to kidnap this one” George says.
Howard laughs which has George turning to Y/n “he thinks I’m joking, but I’m not”
“Don’t wind him up” she laughs.
She’s oblivious to the conversation that’s happening on the other side of the garden as she laughs with her parents and surrogate parents.
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“My sweetie!” He hears his mother call out and he knows instantly that Y/n has arrived as he looks in the direction his mother is making her way over to his breath gets caught in his throat.
His Bunny.
His Bunny all grown up.
His Bunny all grown up and looking just as beautiful as she looked the last time he saw her.
There hasn’t been a single day that’s gone by where he hadn’t regretted this shit that spewed out of his mouth that day. When he found out that she had left it felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on a million times.
Of course he was never friends with her out of pity, she was easy to talk to, she made him laugh, she was his best friend, his person.
His soulmate as Winnie would say.
But every day he reminded himself that he only had himself to blame.
“I-is that…” Steve questioned with his eyes trained on his best friend who he hasn’t seen in three years.
“Bunny” Bucky nods.
“Holy shit she’s gorgeous” Sam says.
“Yeah she is” Bucky agrees.
“When are you going to talk to her?” Steve asks.
“I’m not. She’s not going to want to talk to me, not after what I said the last time we saw each other”
“That was three years ago Buck, it’s Y/n she’s no doubt forgiven you”
“I doubt it. Steve you have no idea how sad she looked man”
“Bro just go and talk to her” Sam says taking a sip of his beer.
“I-I can’t, are you two going to talk to her?”
“Yeah…well I was going to wait for her reaction with you first before making my way over to her” Steve admits.
“Same if she hits you then I’m staying away but if she doesn’t then yeah of course I’ll talk to her”
“Cheers” Bucky grumbles his eyes refusing to move away from her.
They all watch as she laughs with her parents and Bucky’s, they don’t stop the smile from forming onto their lips as they watch their best friend.
They all carried their own guilt from three years ago and all silently hope that she forgives them for what happened.
“Buck go and talk to her” Steve tries to encourage his friend mainly so he could then talk to her.
“Yeah…yeah I’m going to do it” he puts his drink down on the table before straightening his shirt out.
Just as he was about to take that first step closer to his Bunny he stutters when he sees a tall bulky guy with blonde hair walk up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, watching as she squeals turning around in the guys hold.
He watches as she places her hands on either side of his face and places her lips to his.
He’s pretty certain that he hears his heart breaking.
“Buck…”
“Huh? Yeah?”
“A-are you alright?”
“I’m fine, so she’s got a boyfriend that’s cool” he turns to pick his drink back up and downs it in one gulp. “Do-do you think she’s happy?”
Steve and Sam share a look before answering. “We’re not sure pal”
“I hope she is, t-that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.”
They continue to watch as Y/n introduces the guy to Bucky’s parents and they can tell instantly that Winnie’s smile is fake, she’s always been the one rooting for Y/n and James to get together. The smile on Y/n’s face is as big as it ever was as she stares up at the guy.
“How do you think they met?” Bucky asks.
“God knows, but as long as he treats her right that’s all that matters really.” Sam says eyeing Bucky cautiously.
“I hope so”
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As the party winds down the boys not barely moving apart from Sam as he raids the table with all the food on it. They watch as the blonde guy leaves, not without having a make out session with Y/n.
As the guests start leaving Bucky’s quick to notice that Y/n is no longer around and when George stumbles over to the boys he finds out that Y/n’s disappeared and wonders if they had seen her, they all shake their heads.
“I think I might know where she is, hold on”
He makes his way down to the bottom of the garden and climbs over the fence, really hoping he was right.
“Bunny” he whispers when he sees her sitting on the ground in the spot they claimed as theirs, the same spot he first laid eyes on her when he was just seven years old.
“Hi James” she whispers back keeping her back to him.
“C-can I sit next to you?”
“Sure”
For the first time since the two have known each other they sit side by side in uncomfortable silence. It pains the both of them that this is how it’s come down to this.
But unfortunately it had.
“So-um-how are you?” Bucky asked as he stumbled over his words.
“I’m good, what about you?”
“Good, that’s good. I-I’ve missed you Bunny” he admits, his heart squeezing when he sees her flinching.
“Oh”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I just don’t know why you would have missed me when you didn’t want me to be your friend anymore or ever”
“I didn’t mean it Bun I swear. I was angry an-and I took it out on you, I’ve regretted it ever since”
“Why was you angry? I’m the one that had my back exposed to the whole school and the three people who were my only friends, the only people I trusted more than anything didn’t try and stop it or-or even try and help me. You had no right in being angry James” he hates how she doesn’t raise her voice and hates that she calls him James.
“I know and I’m sorry Y/n I really am”
“It’s okay I guess.”
“No it’s not! None of the shit I said or didn’t do was okay, you’re my best friend Bun and I should have stuck up for you. I shouldn’t have said I chose Dot over you because you always came first no matter what”
“It’s okay because it doesn’t matter anymore, I got over it”
“Over it or over me?”
“Honestly? Both”
Bucky released a choking sob at her admission, she had gotten over him and he didn’t know what to do. “Bun-“
“You shouldn’t call me that James, don’t want to upset your girlfriend”
“I-I don’t have a girlfriend”
“What happened with Dot?”
“She-I walked in on her having sex with Brock”
“Really?”
“Yeah, she said it was a one time thing but he said they’d been at it for months so…”
“I’m sorry, I never liked her”
“Did you even know her?”
“No…what kind of name is Dot anyway?”
“It’s short for Dolores” he laughed.
“Stupid name for a stupid girl. How long were you two dating for?”
“A year, actually walked in on them the day after our one year anniversary”
“That’s cold”
“Yeah. What about you? Lover boy back there” he watches as her cheeks start to turn red and a shy smile on her lips, his heart pounds loudly in his chest at the sight.
“His names Pietro, w-we’ve been dating for five months now”
“How did you two meet?”
“He’s actually my best friends twin brother, we met when her family came up to see Wanda and she introduced us and yeah, he asked me out on a date and then another and another then he asked me out”
“Does he make you happy?”
“He does, well when he’s not talking with his mouth full” she giggled, and for the first time in over three years she looks up at him. Breath gets caught in her throat as he’s looking just as beautiful as he looked the last time she saw him.
“I’m glad, not about the food in mouth when he talks thing but I’m glad he makes you happy”
Not knowing how to reply they fell back into silence but this time it was comfortable.
Y/n was the first one to break the silence “do you know if anyone lives in my old house?”
“No one wanted to move in after…you know”
“Oh. Have you ever been there?”
“Once, I didn’t go in or anything I just stood outside”
“When?”
“A few months after you left. I’m not sure why I did it but” Y/n stood up and held her hand out for James to take and helped him stand, pulling her hand away from his once he was stood up she started to walk in the direction of her old home.
“Come on slow pokes” she called over her shoulder.
“Y/n are you sure about this?”
“My therapist said that it might help me to be able to finally move on”
“You’re in therapy?”
“Yeah, mom said it might help after what I did”
“W-what do you mean?”
“I tried to kill myself” she shrugged.
As she carried on walking she hadn’t realised that Bucky had stopped. She had tried to end her life and no one told him. Bucky had lost her as his friend and nearly lost her in this world completely and no one told him.
“Ducky?”
His heart stopped at that name.
“Duck? Come on we’re not that far now”
“Y-you called me Ducky”
“Well yeah that’s your name isn’t it?” She smirked.
“Bunny please don’t joke about this. You called me Ducky even though we’re not friends anymore”
“You’ll always be Ducky to me James. And who said we’re not friends anymore?”
“We-we aren’t?”
“Nope, we said we’d be friends forever and forever hasn’t ended yet so therefore our friendship is still intact, come”
“B-but what I said”
“It’s in the past”
“Can we go back to being Bunny and Ducky again?”
“Well of course, that’s if you actually did want to be my friend and not just doing it out of pit-“
A loud squeal echoed through the woods as Bucky charged at her picking her up as if she weighed nothing and spun her around. “I never meant what I said Bun never not for one second, please forgive me and I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you”
“Buy me an ice cream and all is forgiven”
Laughing he puts her down slowly and nods “I can do that. Bun”
“Yeah”
“Yo-you tried to kill yourself?”
“Yeah, it was about a year ago”
“Why did you try and do it? Why wasn’t I told?”
“I was in a dark place Duck, remember my special place?-“ she taps the side of her head and watches as he nods “-well it wasn’t special anymore and-well I don’t want to get in to it but it got bad so I wanted to end it”
Rolling her sleeves up she showed Bucky the two angry long scars on her arms, he slowly reached out and gently glided a finger down the scars. “Nat found me in the bathroom and screamed out for Wanda who went and got a teacher, Mr Walters came running and picked me up rushed me to the schools nurse and I was taken to the hospital when an ambulance arrived. My parents were called and I begged them not to tell anyone that included your parents Ducky, they don’t know.”
“Bunny…”
“I’m okay now though, yeah I have bad days still but it’s not as bad as it had been and Dr Cho is incredible, she’s so sweet and she’s never once judged me about anything and she makes me laugh, oh and she always has sweets!”
“I should have been with you Bun, I’m so sorry I let you down”
“Hey none of that! It’s not your fault at all, mental health is a bitch-shit-fuck-please don’t tell momma I swore!”
“You still don’t swear?” Bucky laughs.
“No momma says it’s unladylike”
“You? A lady?” He has to stop walking and bends over with laughter.
“Oh shut up! I could be a lady”
“Never!”
Y/n knows it’s true herself but that was beside the point.
“Shut up. Come on I need your support to get this over and done with”
“I’m coming Bun, are you sure you want me here with you?”
“Always”
The rest of the walk was done in silence and before she realises she’s standing in front on the wired fence surrounding her old home. Looking at Bucky she musters a smile that he knows is fake and presses down on the fence and climbs over.
Waiting for Bucky to do the same she stares at the slowly decaying building that’s haunted her nightmares since she was seven years old. The ivy wraps itself around the house, windows are smashed from either Mother Nature, kids playing in the woods or animals. For some reason the building looks just like it’s supposed to - a building. She feels quite silly for letting it terrorise her dreams now that she’s standing in front of it, it doesn’t seem so scary now.
“Bun, we don’t have to go in if you don’t want to” Bucky’s gentle voice came from next to her.
“No I’ve got to, I’ve got to put the monster to bed once and for all. It’s-it-can we just wait out here for a few minutes, please?”
“Of course Bun. I’m right here”
A few minutes go by and she finally puts one foot out in front of the other, taking slow steps towards the place she once called home a very long time ago now. Her chest starts to feel tighter as she got closer to her nightmare.
Pushing the door open Bucky stepped up first knocking the cobwebs out of the way before moving back to where he was before.
“Thanks” she whispered.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. She chanted softly to herself as she forced her feet to move forward.
It was weird. As she walked further into the cabin she saw the small dinning table laying on its side, the two chairs broken and the small dingy couch still in the same spot as they were that night her father nearly killed her.
The floorboards creaked under their feet as they moved around the place.
“Th-this is where it happened” she whispers to Bucky as they stand in the middle of the room.
“Bun-“
“That’s my blood Duck” she points to the faded blood stains on the floor.
“Bun-“
“It’s creepy isn’t it? I laid right there and was on my way to play with angels before the cops showed up and now my blood is stained into the wood”
“Bun look at me, come on Bun look at me. Good, it’s okay. It’s all okay”
“I-I know it’s just creepy isn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah it is”
“Can I show you my room?”
“Okay”
Walking down the hallway she comes to a stop in front of the first door on the right and she starts to push the wooden door open, both wincing as the hinges squeak.
“Nothings changed in here ah” Y/n moves over to the tiny desk her mama had gotten her she smiles “look…”
“It’s a stick Bun”
“Ah nope it’s not any old stick Ducky, it’s the stick you picked up the second time we met”
“What? Really, you kept it?”
“Of course aha. Hey can you help me move this?”
“Sure”
They move the desk - well Bucky did whilst Y/n stands there and watches - Y/n thanks him before kneeling down on the floor and started to lift up the floorboard smiling in victory when she sees the metal tin her mama had put there when she was five.
“What is it?”
“This, this has my toys that my mama hid so that he wouldn’t break them” she sits with her legs crossed and smiles up at Bucky as he sits across from her.
“Toys?”
“Yeah, but not any old toys Duck, no these are animal toys-look” she groans as she pulls the lid open “this is a giraffe, this is a sheep? no a goat, and an elephant-“ she lists off all the animals in the box as she blindly hands them over to Bucky who’s sitting there with his eyes fixed on her, the way her smile lights up makes his heart tingle, the way she sounds so happy brings a smile to his face. It had been so long since her saw her shine so brightly.
“And here’s a photo of me and mama”
Taking the photo his eyes bounce from the photo to her, it was the first time since he was either eight or nine that he’d seen a photo of his Bunnies mom “you look just like her”
“No, she’s beautiful”
“Exactly.” He smiles when her cheeks start to go red. “Hey do you have anything of your mamas?”
“Just photos” she shrugs.
“Come” he helps her put all the toy animals back in the tin and stands, helping her raise too he takes her hand and asks “is this her room?”
“Yeah why?”
“Let’s see if there’s anything of hers still here so you can have them”
“Duck…”
“It’s okay Bunny” he opens the door instantly shutting it before placing his body in front of the door.
“James?”
“I-I-we can’t go in there Bun”
“I know. Is there still blood?”
“You know?”
“Yeah, that’s the reason why he nearly killed me that night. I tried to find my mama and went into her room and well, yeah”
“Oh Bun”
“It’s okay, I want to go in it might help me feel closer to my mama if I have something of hers”
“Just don’t look at the bed okay baby”
Baby. Her heart shouldn’t stutter the way it did.
“Okay”
Bucky opens the door making his way over to the bed to flip the quilt over so she doesn’t have to see the stains, again.
“She always wore this jumper, I put it on once and tripped over when I tried to walk” she giggles.
“Take it, what about this?” Bucky hold up a long skirt that had patterns on it.
“In the summer she would pull up over her chest so it was like a dress and look it has pockets!”
“Take?”
“Absolutely”
Over the course of twenty minutes Bucky had found a small suitcase and they filled it with all the clothes she wanted to take.
“Bun is this box your mamas?”
“Yeah it’s where her jewels lived.” Laughing when Bucky cocks his eyebrow up “I couldn’t say jewellery so mama said jewels and told me that the box was their home”
“Fair enough, would you like to take it?”
“Okay”
By the time they had finished it was close to being pitch black in the cabin. “Come on Duck its getting too dark to see anything now”
“Okay” as they moved their way through the cabin laughing at each other when the other had bumped into something, getting to the door Bucky stopped “wait a second Bun”
“Duck-“
“Gimme a second Bun”
He goes back inside and she giggles when she hears him say “ow” a few minutes he comes back out smiling whilst holding up the metal tin that housed her toy animals.
“Couldn’t forget this now could we?”
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“Y/n? Where the hell have you been?”
“My old house…”
“Oh.”
“Yeah Ducky helped me get things that was my mamas”
“Ducky?” Both sets of parents say in unison.
“Yeah, we’re friends again”
Their dads, Bucky and Y/n all flinch when Maria and Winnie start screaming in joy, hugging each other whilst they jump around in a circle.
“Don’t even think about it George” Howard warns his longest friend as George slinks over to him.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about Howie”
“Don’t call me that!”
Bucky takes Y/n’s hand in his and slowly backs up whilst their dads argue.
“That was embarrassing” he laughs.
“It’s cute. Maybe we’ll be like that with our kids one day”
“W-what?” Bucky splutters, cheeks going bright red.
“N-no I mean me and my husband and you with your wife…you know?”
Before Bucky could reply they heard Sam’s voice from the doorway.
“Y/n…”
“Hi Sammy, hi Stevie”
Bucky watches as his three best friends reunite with each other, he has to admit that her comment about kids made his stomach flutter then drop when she mentions about her imaginary husband and his imaginary wife.
For the first time in three years Bucky felt whole once again.
<Previous   Next>
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“Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don't regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me”
-The Last Goodbye by Billy Boyd
This is an Adjuration by @not-freyja, after 86 chapters, 300k words, and 10 months of joy, laughter, tears, heartbreak and love, has finally reached its end. 
Adjuration is a tragedy that is nothing short of an act of love. That much is clear in the passion and dedication put towards the story, the characters, and the message Freyja is trying to convey. This fic will teach you about love. About death. About the inevitability of existence and why despite knowing it will all come to an end, there is still meaning in trying and hoping and loving each other. In loving yourself. You will laugh, you will cry, you will hope and you will despair as you read this story, but you will not be able to put it down.
It’s hard to say goodbye to something that has been so important to and loved by so many people. So we won’t. Instead, we will say thank you for this incredible journey and the community this fic has built. For the friendships that have been made and the endless inspiration you have given us. Thank you for wanting to tell a story, and for letting us join you around the campfire to listen.
Thank you.
(If you like Linked Universe and haven’t yet read Adjuration, see below for spoiler free reviews of this fic and artist credits.)
This is an Adjuration is the kind of story you fall in love with, the kind of story you think keep thinking about long after you put it down. The kind you keep finding hidden details in after you think you’ve got it figured out. 
The characters are distinct and people with their own voices, motivations, relationships and histories. You’ll have your favourites but love them all. They influence how you’ll see the characters in everything else. 
It’s full of moments where everything clicks and everything before is recontextualised in a way that’s so satisfying and make the whole story very re-readable. A time travel story where all loops are already closed, where you can know but not yet understand what will happen. It’s long, complex, and beautifully, meticulously planned and detailed. It’s clever and considered, funny and heartbreaking. 
A story that whispers ‘it matters’ over and over. It is worth it to love, it is worth it if it doesn’t last forever, it is worth it to give someone a little more time, it is worth it to fight. It’s about loving others and your world and finding grace for yourself. 
It’s loss and tragedy and the cruelness of fate. It is the sacrifice and the breaking. 
Full of heart to both fill yours and break it in the best possible way. 
It’s about love. Always.
By @toyouhellohowareyou
Sometimes, it’s hard to explain to others why art moves us.
I could tell you This is an Adjuration will make you cry, laugh, and sit at the edge of your seat in anticipation. And it’s probably true - I did all of that as I read, often with a coffee in one hand, early in the morning as I got ready for the day. 
But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this.
The real reason is how it followed me during the rest of the day.
You see, at a certain point I realized this isn’t a story about Links going on adventures. Well, it does feature Links, and they do go on adventures, so let’s talk about that for a minute.
The first thing that caught my attention about this book was the characters. Each individual is unique, interesting, and exciting to follow. Not only are the Links individually compelling, but one thing that stands out in Adjuration is how the relationship between each Hero and their own worlds matter, and these connections shift, evolve, break and grow as the plot progresses.
Freyja does an incredible job of bringing together impactful storytelling with humor and heart. This is an Adjuration starts with an interesting premise, and then twists and turns in directions you wouldn’t expect. It’s rich in thought-provoking moments, soft joy and intense action, blended in with carefully crafted time travel and magic.
Adjuration sucked me into the world it builds, combining believable characters with fascinating stories, an unnervingly devious antagonist, plot twists, and lovingly crafted details that slip unnoticed until you’re surrounded on all sides. It made me cheer for characters I feel as if I’ve known intimately for years, made me worry for their safety as I would for that of a loved one, kept me hunting for hints and hidden references, pulling on a thread to try to find the end only for it to twist and loop into itself and show me a completely new side to the story.
Yes, This is an Adjuration is a fanfiction piece that explores the winding river flow of the Legend of Zelda timeline and how the stories of each Hero merge into each other. It also stands out for its heavy emotional content, and it doesn’t shy away from angst and hurt.
But to me, Adjuration is an epic journey that taught me how the choices we make, make us in turn. It’s a tragedy that deals with pain and healing, and it bares naked the non-linear nature of grief. It’s a celebration of the things that make us unique, of our flaws, an essay of the impact of little acts of love. Indeed, it’s a story about love.
I can tell you now, This is an Adjuration moved me. It still does. It has a special way to surface in my mind in unexpected ways at seemingly random times, from something as simple as tossing an apple core, to watching a lightning storm in the distance, or finding a picture of an old friend.
And every time, without fail, it makes me think about love.
By @sunny-porridge
This is an Adjuration is a wonderfully and beautifully crafted story about love, loss, and choice as the various incarnations of Link come together and travel through time. Freyja seamlessly weaves a tapestry of setup and payoff across different timelines and loops, in the best-constructed time travel plot I’ve ever seen on page or screen. Even at its surface, Adjuration is an emotional rollercoaster involving tragedy and the soft moments that make that tragedy worth it. But the deeper you look, the more meaning you can pull from every chapter of this amazing work. This work has made me cry, squeal with delight, and think more deeply about its themes all while having an absolute blast reading it. So in summary: READ IT. READ IT. READ IT NOW. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.
By @life-in-winter
While I love that every chapter is emotionally enthralling, with carefully woven, visceral tension you crave in any good story, yet Adjuration is more than that, and you feel it in the careful weave of each character and plot point. Nothing is lost or unanswered. It's the kind of story that, by the end, makes you stop and take a hard look at your own life. Are you appreciating the now? Are you savoring joy? Are you so wrapped up in fear that you can hardly take care of yourself? Do you know who you are?
This story is more like an external experience. It's riding atop a tsunami. How do you handle that ride, Link?
There aren't enough words to describe how amazing this fic is.
@needfantasticstories
Artist credit
Legend: @gia-d
Hyrule: @bittirsweeteer
Time: @toonblade
Sky: @noorahqar
Warriors: @whitewinterstar
Wild: @weavingstarlight
Twilight: @bluury2
Wind: @thewitchdoctor39
Four: @lunaopus
Red: @peepthatbish
Blue: @glowingmin
Green: @winterfen
Vio: @waterfallstream
Shadow: @deleetrix
Wolfie: @linkiscool333
Fierce Deity: @awildsilver
Ravio: @lele5429
Malon: @tooner-tastic
Dink: @passerinesoncaffeine
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mandalhoerian · 1 year
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Shai! Shai! I've thought of another scenario for Leon😊 Altho being a new fan I've come to the conclusion that Leon is the type to believe he's not good enough for his partner, he believes they could do better then him. So imagine a Leon who has finally accepted he has feelings for you and works up the courage to confess only for you to turn the tables on him and say you dont feel good enough for him. I imagine he would be in disbelief? How would he react to his crush telling him "You're too good for me Leon."?
too good for me | leon kennedy x reader
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pairing: leon kennedy x reader (unspecified gender) genre: fluff, miscommunication, the "endeared badass x normal person scared shitless of the endeared badass" trope. no spice, unfortunately. only good vibes and leon being head over heels smitten. enjoy! word count: 2.7K? It's short! notes: hi sarah! i am SO SORRY this has taken forever. you requested this one month ago! its been so hectic lately, i've been having health problems that required regular hospital visits and tests upon tests, but now that my surgery (yeah i know... yikes) is authorized i'm only waiting for them to call me for the date and have all the time in the world to get my rest and write. i'm also working on your other (wink wink) request! thank you so much for being patient with me. hope this is what you had in mind! i also added my touch and ideas to it lmao. happy reading!!
🌀 read on ao3!
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“You’re too good for me,” is the hesitant, small answer you give him while avoiding eye contact and playing with your fingers in front of your office’s shared coffee maker Leon had made countless paperwork excuses to be able to simply stop by — to his question, that is, about why you wouldn’t go on a simple date with him. 
You puff out an awkward laugh to smooth things over as humorous but it’s forced and not at all sincere. 
It’s taken Leon a whole inner journey (Spain. Mostly the simultaneous trauma and catharsis of Spain) to get over himself to recognize what his heart truly wanted but was too pussy to look at before, yet here you two are. The lone angel in his life telling the failure Leon is that he’s too good? For you?
He simply stares, dumbly standing there, piping hot coffee that’s actually incompatible with his taste buds he insists he must do a detour to get from here simply because you often do, stiff and awkward in his hold, thinking he heard you wrong because he hasn’t gotten a good night’s rest — rest, not sleep — in forever since he came back from Spain. 
He’s been forcing himself to come to work just for a glimpse of you and your pretty face to recharge his battery, heal his soul a bit, let you be all that occupies his mind despite being laid off after that outrageous mission that resulted in the president’s unwanted favor and nightmares upon nightmares with only anxious yet soothing thoughts of you as the best bad out of the worst he’s had to face— and what is it that you said again?  
“You’re joking right?” Leon says, pride not knowing if it should be broken or not because he’s not sure to take this as a rejection, and it isn’t his intention for it to sound that harsh. He’s not some asshole who can’t take no for an answer, it’s your reasoning that has him downright jamming like a gun.
Leon has to remind himself to switch off work mode because now you look mousey as if he has a paw on your tail, shoulders pulled into yourself.  “Sorry!” He feels so bad, heart expanding within his ribcage and it aches, fuck, he just wanted to ask you out and all he’s doing is scaring you. “I’m sorry, you were kidding. I didn’t get it— I’m kinda slow and you sound flat sometimes, of course you weren’t serious, I’m—”
“No, I was serious.” His eyebrows furrow at yet another self-degradation from you. “It’s you who has to be kidding. What do you mean too good for you?”
You are at a loss of words, mouth opening but nothing coming out, and finally look him in the eye and all Leon wants to do is lean down and capture your mouth, he’s heavily distracted by you licking your lips and swallowing, the sighting of the tip of your pink tongue makes his shirt suddenly suffocating and tight. 
“I mean,” you begin tentatively, unaware of what’s going on in his head, vaguely gesturing to Leon. “Well… You’re you, I mean… And I’m. Me. Look at you and look at me. Why would you even…?”
“Hey,” Leon sets his mug on the counter, closing his eyes and pinching the insides with his thumb and pointer. The implications alone sent a zapping headache through his skull that he knows he has to rest to be able to unpack, especially when he’s finally decided on seriously pursuing you in spite of himself. Leon can’t let this remain unaddressed, for your sake and his sanity. “How about I wait for you after work today and we talk about this somewhere else?” He’s squinting. “In detail.”
“We don’t really need to—”
“We do.” Leon wants you to see he’s serious about this — about you. “Because I see something here that I want to pursue and we can’t have any misunderstandings. Would appreciate it if you at least give me the chance to clear the air.”
“P-pursue?” You swallow and Leon’s mind wanders again. “Clear the air you say…”
He breathes in. “Can you give me your phone?”
You slap it into his palm almost immediately, the speed with which you obey him without asking him any questions surprises him. He wants to scold if you’re willing to hand over your mobile to any guy who asks, but supposes it’s not his place — is frustrated this is what it takes to get him annoyed, as well. He isn’t some young adult. Weirdly, you make him feel like one.  
He’s punching his own number in, despite the conflicting feelings, finally feeling like this is getting somewhere and he’s doing it when you start talking again, nervous. “You can uh, clear the air… right here… without taking me to a secondary location…” 
His eyes flick up to yours in confusion and you look to the right immediately, and back to him. To the right. Back to him. It’s somehow comedic, because why do you look like you’re cornered by some bad guy? 
You really look like you want to be anywhere else than here, Leon’s fucking this up and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong. Was he going too fast? Should he have told you his number and let you save it instead? 
You’re mumbling, nervousness clear as day for reasons he can’t fathom, he hears you, but he doesn’t really understand. 
“What? What's wrong?" Leon asks, his voice laced with genuine concern. He takes a step closer, wanting to bridge the gap between you and alleviate whatever discomfort you were experiencing. "You seem... uneasy. Did I do something wrong?"
Your eyes meet his briefly, then quickly shift away again, as if you are struggling to find the right words. 
Leon's heart sinks. His intention wasn’t to make you feel nervous or pressured, especially when he is genuinely trying to connect with you — then, in a brilliant moment of heart-stopping realization, the fact that you might just not be interested slaps him in the face and he’s…
Well. Wouldn’t that be the reality? 
Leon is… He isn’t exactly the ideal man. Not with what he does, and how his life is. He’s aware of that. Have been running from forming connections because of what he knows will end up happening because of that. He can’t get attached and keep losing people — can’t keep getting hurt in the vicious cycle to prevent everyone from getting hurt. It’s been the bane of his existence ever since STRATCOM plucked him off straight from Raccoon City. Even if you work in the same field as him, just different offices, who is to say it will work out anyway? 
He’s getting ahead of himself. You might not like him at all in the first place. Jesus. 
Maybe you see him for what he is. Maybe you think he’s not  —- the effort’s not worth it, and you wouldn’t exactly be wrong in thinking so. You could be wanting something else in life that he only has the desire to give you, and not the promise. He wouldn’t blame you, hell, who would blame someone for being their own person with their thoughts, wishes, wants and goals in life? 
You’re too good for me, really, is his line. It has been right from the beginning, his excuse in running away from his undeniable, frightening attraction to you.
"No, it's not you," you finally managed to articulate, prompting Leon to release the breath he was holding, your voice shaky, playing with your fingers. "I just... I feel a bit overwhelmed. This is all happening so fast, and I never expected..."
Leon nods, his expression softening as he realizes the weight of the situation. He hasn’t fully considered how his sudden confession and determination to pursue you might have caught you off guard. He has been so focused on his own feelings that he hasn’t taken into account your own thoughts and emotions.
"I understand," he replies, voice gentle and reassuring. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I just... I couldn't keep my feelings to myself anymore. But please know that I don't expect an immediate answer or any commitment from you. I just… Well. I just wanted to tell you. See where this goes. Or, maybe, if that’s not the case… Get rejected for good so I can move on, you know?"
You laugh a little and it’s genuine — you have no idea how it turns Leon’s heart into putty right where it hangs between two lungs. “Do you really mean all of that?”
“Of course,” he says, offended the tiniest bit. “Why do you think I would joke about something like this?”
“It’s not about you joking, really…” You’re uncomfortable again, hesitating to tell him something. 
“Hey, you can tell me.”
“Can you promise you won’t get mad?”
“What am I, your father?” He snorts. “Come on, tell me.” 
You brace yourself for it and he doesn’t understand why until you say it. “You, um… You’re kinda scary.”
He blinks. “Sorry?”
“Sorry!” You raise your hands up in panic. “I don’t really mean it like that, not to insult you or anything, it’s actually admirable, I’m just saying! Discipline, work ethic, unmatched field performance! You’re very… Very, uh… Intimidating, yeah, that’s the word…? I mean, like… You, uh, you’re famous, you know, we all know your work, you’re very hard working, working hard, very hard work — uh, um… So it’s…”
“I scare you?” Leon swears he felt his eyes get bigger the faster you kept on vomiting words. “You think I would hurt you?” 
“No!” You reject strongly, waving a nervous hand at him. Silence befalls later, which you follow awkwardly with a silent, guilty. “Maybe,” after clearing your throat. 
 He had always strived to be a protector, but he hadn't realized that his image and reputation — what it had become after Spain — could have such an effect on someone he cares about. 
"I never meant to scare you," he says softly, his voice filled with genuine remorse, he puts the coffee mug on the counter and leans his hip on it, shoulders sagging a bit as he crosses his arms. The thought of you only feeling intimidation about him leaves a bitter taste worse than the coffee does. "I guess... I've always been so focused on work, on the dangers just around the corner — I’m aware how it might affect my relationships in the long run so I never attempted to form any at all, but I never realized how it might affect how people see me in the first place. I never wanted to make you, of all people, feel this way. I could never hurt you. Never."
“I didn’t want to imply you’re a guy who’d intentionally hurt someone—”
“Don’t worry about it,” he sighs, ruffling his hair to get rid of the awkwardness. “So I’ve just been bugging you this whole time, huh? Jesus. I’m so sorry.”
“No! No, don’t say that, you’re amazing! You’re like a hero around here…”
“Around here doesn’t mean shit,” he replies curtly, and regrets cursing like that in front of you immediately. It’s unbecoming of him — and doesn’t help his image in your eyes at all. He’s getting frustrated. His tone lowers into a softer, more disappointed, heartfelt one. “I only care about how you think of me.” 
“Well, you’re amazing,” you say again, bashfully this time, and it prompts him to look at you. There’s something shy about you now that has him standing taller in anticipation, wondering if it’s him reading this wrong or not. “It’s pretty well-known if you didn’t know.”
“I don’t know,” he prods, idiot heart fluttering at the way you’re flustered. “What do you think? Besides intimidating, I mean. Not reporting on the local gossip this time, if you don’t mind.”
“You seem like a nice guy,” you settle. The middle ground. “I’ve seen you with the president’s daughter.”
Leon's expression softens at your words, a mixture of relief and gratitude washing over him. He takes a deep breath, trying to let go of the tension that had built up within him. The mention brings a slight smile to his face, memories of Ashley flooding his mind, a fondness evident in his eyes. "Ah, Ashley. Yeah, that was quite the adventure. Though what can you be other than a nice guy when your mission is the president’s daughter?"
“I know a couple people who’d treat her like a package to be delivered. You prioritized her wellbeing more than anything.”
“What else was I supposed to prioritize?”
“You know what I mean. Emotional wellbeing. I’ve read your initial report and her statement. You cared about her.” A smile tugs at your lips, he can tell you’re a bit more comfortable now. "Especially during what you’ve been through. It's impressive how you handle yourself in those situations."
He shrugs modestly, a hint of pride shining in his eyes. You respect him. "I guess you could say it comes with the job. But it's not all action and danger, you know. There's more to me than just being a government agent."
Your curiosity piques, and you tilt your head, prompting him to continue. "Tell me more. What's Leon Kennedy like outside of work and missions?"
It catches him off guard that you want to know more and take the first step. You could have just rejected him. His heart picks up, chest expanding in excitement, he’s glad for the opportunity to share a glimpse of his life beyond the chaos of his work — he’s normally not eager to share pieces of his life like this, but… He’d give it to you on a silver platter, whether it'd lure you in or not. That’s how Leon knows he wants this with you so bad. “I wanna lie to woo you but… Would it be too unattractive to tell I really don’t have a life outside of work? I’m still trying to find some balance in my life. The upper echelon guys are pretty ruthless and demanding. I guess it means I can say I’m into traveling?”
“Is this the cool guy way of saying you’re an introvert these days?”
The unexpectedness of it is what gets him to throw his head back to laugh, and he catches you staring, scrambling to rub his face to get rid of it and regain some composure. “Yeah,” he breathes. “Pretty much.”
“Well,” you gesture at him, there’s a vague pink hue dusting your cheeks. “What are you into, then?”
God, he can’t stop, “Other than you?” from escaping his dumb mouth. He shouldn’t have said it. It’s too corny. So uncalled for. Your mouth hangs open and he wishes he could rewind the tape to take it back and choose some other option. “Say… What about we continue this discussion after work? I know a good coffee place. Let me make it up to you for invading your lunch time. I’ll tell you all about me, what do you say?”
You look at the clock on the wall, he knows you didn’t get to have anything because he decided to turn up and serenade you with unwanted attention, it’s two birds with one stone for him if you decide to accept — he wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t see a perfect moment to seize the chance. 
“Coffee sounds perfect,” you nod, with no pressure from him, and it lifts a great weight off his shoulders. “Would it be okay if I eat something too?”
Why are you so adorable? You don’t know that you own the power to get Leon to have your superiors let you go for the day, but he can’t get too excited right now. “Say the word and it becomes a dinner date.”
It gets you flustered again, you don’t know where to put your hands, and he’s so happy about it. “It’s a weekday… That’d be a bit exhausting…”
“Okay. Coffee date it is.”
He’s noticing you like the cheeky confidence, and it makes sense, considering the intensity had you intimidated. “Thank you,” you say. “I’d like that.”
“Believe me,” Leon can’t stop the grin from overtaking his expression. “My pleasure. You’re honestly too good for me.”
There’s the sudden urge to kiss you when vulnerability and shyness lights up your whole face, but he’ll take it slow. He has to take it slow. For himself. 
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deakyjoe · 7 months
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Somebody’s Watching Me Epilogue
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Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Reader (“Sarge”, she/her pronouns, British, backstory)
Category: slowburn coworkers to friends to lovers with grumpy x sunshine dynamic/idiots in love
Summary: Five years later.
Warnings: domestic things, British/slang terminology
Word count: 700ish (a baby to finish the story)
A/N: Well, it’s been a long journey. And it has been months since I posted the last part. But here we are! At the end! Finally! Thank you for coming along for ride, I’m so grateful for every single one of my readers. I hope you’ve enjoyed Simon and Sarge’s story. And just because their main storyline is over doesn’t mean I won’t post other little things for them in the future.
Consider buying me a coffee :)
"Sarge, I'm telling you that it's fine. They just repackaged it. I'm sure it tastes the same."
You pushed the carton of juice away from where it was being waved in your face. "No! Look! It says that they added a whole extra apple to the recipe."
Simon sighed frustratedly and lowered the carton. "That's good, you love apples."
You groaned, hating it when he was right. "But it's going to taste different. And I hate change!" You almost hated it as much as when he was right and you were wrong, which you'd never admit.
"Do you want the apple juice or not?"
You ignored him and put the carton with your other items of shopping, walking away before Simon could comment.
He caught up to you quickly, his strides much longer than yours. “That was the last thing, let’s go and pay.”
You didn’t answer verbally, just nodded and knew he was smirking at your stubbornness. Simon had always hated the fact that he’d never been able to tame the brat out of you. But you thought your naturally stubborn nature was a good thing. It was the trait that got you to where you were now with your lieutenant.
You joined the back of the line behind an elderly couple and began placing your shopping on the conveyor belt, Simon rearranging it all as you did it to make it look neater.
He insisted his way was more efficient.
You let him believe that.
It didn’t escape your notice when the woman in front of you turned to look at you both as you bickered about the way a two litre bottle should face.
“This way is better, Sarge.” Simon huffed, turning it around.
“But it rolls around that way!” You replied, exasperated.
“Fine. You should be glad I’m so fond of you.”
You scoffed. “I bloody well hope so after all this time. Fond of me? Fond!”
He sent you one of his radiant smiles that you were one of the lucky few to receive. “Would you rather I declare my undying love for you with a dramatic reading of a Shakespeare sonnet in the middle of big Tesco?”
“Wouldn’t go unappreciated.” You sniffed, smiling back at him with all thoughts of the rolling bottle forgotten.
The older woman squinted at the both of you trying, but not succeeding, at subtly tapping at her husband’s shoulder in order to get his attention. He just ignored her.
But when the woman's eyes landed on Simon, the recognition dawned and her face molded into a satisfied one. And then when they strayed to the matching wedding rings on the both of you, she just about jumped in joy.
You stared right back at her, waiting for her to say something. You were sure she was the same woman who'd assumed you and Simon were a couple five years ago when you'd first bumped into each other in this very same supermarket.
Funny how things work out.
She gave you a warm smile which you tentatively returned before she turned back around to pay for her groceries.
Your husband leant down to mutter in your ear. “Is that-?”
“Yeah.”
“Thought so.”
You beamed up at Simon, suddenly very happy at the way things had happened. You always were but sometimes the wonderful nature of your situation really hit you.
“Why’re looking at me with that silly grin on your face?” He grumbled, although he couldn’t hide the softness in his eyes.
“Dunno. Maybe because I get to look at your gorgeous face every day.” You nudged him with your elbow.
He stepped closer to you, tilting his head down to better meet your eyes. “Mhm, for the rest of your life. Lucky you.”
“Very lucky me.” You quipped back. He was being sarcastic and self deprecating but really what he was saying was completely true. You did consider yourself very lucky. And you always would.
Simon could see you were being genuine, as you always were with him. So he decided to return the gesture. “Think I’m the luckier one.”
You just shrugged. He could believe that if he wanted to. You’d spend the rest of your life trying to convince him otherwise. And, boy, did you have a lot of time to do that. Practically forever.
A/N: I re-read a couple chapters of Somebody’s Watching Me and it inspired me to finally finish writing this epilogue. And I’m so glad that I’ve done it now. Thanks again.
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darklinaforever · 12 days
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"I will never understand why people ship them together when the Cat King is just SO nonconsensual and downright creepy towards Edwin. What are people even seeing??"
"Also his apparent idea of romance is trying to coerce Edwin and then trapping him to subject him to continual harassment like dude enough is enough"
I still remind you that without the Cat King, Edwin would probably have had no development in his feelings and his sexuality.
It is literally the fact that the Cat King blocked him in town and tried to seduce him that causes a positive development in Edwin, with his iconic confession to Charles. Without Cat King, there's none of this.
And again, in case these people forget... Edwin's punishment was literally an equivalent of what he did to a cat. The punishment was fair.
Also I call him back, but Edwin seemed very, very willing to the Cat King's advances. I even dare to say that our Cat King sabotaged himself by putting the bracelet on Edwin because otherwise, Edwin would clearly have let himself be kissed and maybe even more.
Edwin did not perceive the Cat King's advances as harassment. On the contrary, deep down, he liked them. It felt good to be desired like that. His whole body language shows he was enjoying this.
And the Cat King being visibly strongly linked to desires, and more particularly Edwin's desires in the logic of the scenario, something tells me that he must have felt it. The Cat King was content to flirt with someone he liked and who he felt liked in return.
Even when the Cat King forced Edwin to tell the truth, it may seem immoral, but it was a good thing for Edwin's character development and even just a good thing in the sense that it allowed him to unravel a weight by confessing something that visibly weighed him down. We can see him nodding very briefly and discreetly when the Cat King tells him that he shouldn't feel better after revealing this ?
I'm tired of seeing this type of person spouting their bullshit. It seems like they're purposely watching the show with their eyes closed. Either that or they don't have an education in media analysis.
I personally believe that what must annoy these people a lot is the fact that even their precious little Edwin, whose honor and physical integrity they are trying to defend at all costs, canonically has a big crush on the Cat King and was completely ready to be kissed by him during their literally first interaction which they like to describe as assault. 😂
Also, even though most of us Catwin shippers would like them to be endgame, we are well aware that it's a low probability and that Charles will surely eventually realize that he romantically loves Edwin in return. On the other hand, these people who spit on the character of the Cat King seem to simply refuse to recognize his importance in Edwin's sexual and romantic journey, trying to portray him as a disgusting abuser who would have traumatized the poor Edwin when just... no.
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It's not very complicated to understand what we like about the Cat King and his relationship with Edwin. But for that, these people would already have to have the descent to understand the basis of the character. He is fully present to serve Edwin's positive emotional and sexual development. Without the Cat King, Edwin would probably never have been pushed against the wall in order to fully assume who he is. What the Cat King brings to Edwin is very beautiful and important. And for this to happen, Edwin obviously has to actually feel things for the Cat King. But these people really don't seem ready to hear that either. Basically, we like this relationship because it is well written with a goal and complex characters sharing a connection to tell it to us.
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