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oleanderblume · 1 year

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Hey I'm healing from top surgery so I'm gonna masterwork the stages of healing I've been experiencing cause people are always leaving shit out :D

• You will sleep. Often.

So, basically after I got my surgery done, I had a whole concoction of medication and all of it knocks you the *fuck* out. If you fight it, you're simultaneously fighting God. That being said, take it. It's made to make your existence more bearable. Because if you're Top Surgery came with liposuction, like mine did, wherever you had liposuction will hurt. So just count on doing just about fuck all during that first week.

• You will need help, accept it.

And I mean with things you don't think you should need help with. Yes, getting tall things, but also in that first week and ESPECIALLY the first couple of days post op, you might even need help getting out of bed, opening doors.

The general rule here is you can't life anything over 15lbs, but *really* it's "you can't do anything where you can feel your stitches pulling" which is basically everything sans going to the bathroom. For me, the hardest thing was being so in need of assistance, that I legitimately couldn't lift my torso up enough to get out of bed, I figured it out after day 3 though.

• You will probably have to have drains, get over it. And yes. They suck, but for a specific reason.

Everyone talks about how shitty drains are, but I've never heard them say *why* drains suck because they hurt after a period of time. Usually around end of week 1, and for me, all of week 2. By week 2, I legitimately wanted to Rio these Fulkerson out.

But I wanted to rip them out because of a bunch of reasons.

1. They werr placed in a way where i couldn't see them and had limited access to the insertion site, closer to my back than my side. This made it very hard to deal with near the end for reason 2.

2. They fucking itch, and if they don't itch, they legitimately hurt. (This is why that pain medication is helpful imo.) The insertion site has loose stitches keeping the drains in your body, and your skin eventually wants to heal around it, now imagine constantly itching and/or aching, in a place you can't touch or even fucking see— constantly.

3. It's kind of gross. This wasn't a big issue for me. I have a morbid curiosity (I wanted to take a video of my sister pulling out my drains bit they didn't) but for folks who don't like the idea of having to pour out your body juices to measure and record, that can be squicky.

4. Fucking dogs. Dogs and quick movements, especially of other people is the MOST terrifying, because I was constantly afraid of pur dog jumping up and tearing those fuckers out of my body.

Now I'm gonna talk about the actual healing process and how that feels.

Week One— The least painful, but most disabling.

The first couple of days, I was essentially entirely reliant on my sister. I couldn't go to the bathroom without her help to get out of bed. At this time, you still have the anesthesia in your system so you can't feel a whole lot, other than gravity, and you're still pretty sleepy. It's advised to get up Avery few hours to shuffle around, but honestly, taking a nap is all you'll want to do.

Of course, the sitting up rule still holds, you can't really lay flat on your back, and you won't want to, because it's hard to fucking get up without help.

As far as pain goes, you don't feel much in the actual surgery site. Some surgeons include additional liposuction (this method is used to reduce the liklihood of dog ears or excess skin from the procedure itself)

^^^this will be the most painful thing during the first week^^^

It's because you get a lot of bruising, both external and internally when you have liposuction and it causes a lot of aching. The ache will gradually fade around the week 1 end, especially if you heal well from bruising you might have some numbness left over, but likely not from the liposuction. Those bits will be tender. You'll be given (or have bought) a compression garment that will come in very handy. It's not the same as a binder in that it's much easier to remove. The tightness won't be as restrictive, and it will help with liposuction healing and keeping your gauze in place. This is made to be worn basically 24/7 with exception of showers and washing. It *will* chafe, and you *will not* feel it. Prepare for that.

You can't physically do much of anything during this week, I couldn't open or close heavy doors, grab anything heavier than maybe 5 lbs, and most definitely not reach for anything. As mentioned, I couldn't lift my own ass out of bed, so I definitely couldn't drive. They *say* you can drive after the first 2 days. Don't. 1, you're probably on pain medication which knocks you put in about an hour of taking and 2, you're probably underestimating the strength and movement involved in using a steering wheel.

Over all, this is actually the easiest part of healing, pain wise. It's definitely the hardest if you don't have someone to care for you and help you during this time because you most definitely can't do it on your own.

Week Two— This one fucking SUCKS.

This is the week that the anesthesia has definitely worn off and you're running in pain medication. I was given a concoction of Gabapentin, Oxycodone, Diazepam, and over the counter Extra Strength Tylenol. Use them. Probably more than you think you should, honestly.

I had/have a very bad habit of not taking my pain medication as much as I should be because I'm low-key afraid of overdosing, but honestly. You won't overdose unless you take waaay too much of all your meds at once.

You'll still have to be sleeping sat up a bit, but you'll have significantly more mobility and strength— that doesn't mean you can over extend yourself. The 15lb rule still exists, and you don't want to extend your arms fully.

At this point, you'll be regaining feeling, it won't be a whole lot, but it comes in stages. (I'll go in depth near the end of the post)

This is when the drains become an aggravation. If you haven't had them taken out by end of week 1, week 2 you more than likely will, and up until then, they will get worse and worse to deal with.

For me, because of where they were placed, they were directly where I couldn't see them and couldn't fuck with them, but I laid on them every night, and of course, my skin was beginning to heal over the sutures, causing aching and unbearable itchiness. THIS is why you want to take your meds. In addition, remember how I mentioned the compression garment and the chafing? You're still wearing that. And if you haven't been closely watching your chafing, by week 2, you're made fully aware of it, because your under arms and sides will have gained feeling by then, and it will fucking hurt. Get band-aids. I have a stack of them up and down my sides where my drains were, and where I've chafed the most.

By your first week post op appointment, the surgeon has probably removed your gauze and any sutures covers for nipple grafts. They'll tell you how to do nipple and scar care. This varies from surgeon to surgeon, but I'll tell you about mine.

I had nipple grafts, so for week 1, I had little gauze squares on top of my nipples and sutures into my skin to protect them. At my post op those were removed and my nipples were covered in Vaseline and telfa paper. (It's basically a medical gauze covered in a plastic that easily sticks to moisturizing gels)

As for my actual top surgery scars, instead of having open sutures, I have my stitches, along side these sticky "brackets" they are plastic and run along my front and sides, except for directly under my nipples because of proximity. The plastic little brackets act as a tension that essentially pulls my skin together and keeps the stitches from stretching and forming wide scars. They fall off on their own once the skin has healed to the point that the tension isn't sufficient for them to keep sticking to my skin (they legit look like little plastic bridges and they are very satisfying swimming tools if you like running your fingers along the bumps they make under your binder) they also move over time, my two center ones have formed a triangle lol.

These brackets prevent me from having to do regimented scar care that some other folks have to post op, so I'd ask about them in your consultations :) you still have daily nipple moisturizing, and draining if you still have drains, but that takes a load off of the laundry list of shit you have to keep track of every day.

NOW FOR PAIN :D

You will be in pain. First it will be itching. The most annoying, persistent itching you have ever felt in your life, and you have to be incredibly care where it's coming from. This itching is actually normal. Itching is the lowest registry of pain your body has, and as you heal and your nerves regenerate, you will feel a variety of very weird things, but most definitely it will involve pain and itching.

Next will be what I'm gonna term "zingers" these are like spikes of tingly pain that you get in your chest, probably in your nipples the most. They don't really hurt, so much as just feel particularly strange and they are annoying too. Not everyone will experience this, and not necessarily both nipples or at this stage, it's highly dependent on how you heal and if you regain feeling in your nipples at all.

I was expecting myself to never regain feeling in my nipples again because of the type of surgery I had (double incision) so it took me by pleasant (and also awful) surprise.

Other weird sensations as your nerves begin regenerating are "hot/cold" and "inexplicable tightness" and of course, "let's ache".

•hot/cold is basically if you took IcyHot or Vicks Vapor Rub or any kind of menthol topical ointment and rubbed it all over your chest. It doesn't hurt, but it is very interesting. It only lasted about 2 days for me, but it was notable.

•inexplicable tightness is exactly as it says. It *feels* like your skin is being pinched, this also doesn't exactly *hurt* but it's not a particularly pleasant feeling. It's just your nerves waking up and going "Oh hey, I'm closer than I was to my neighbor than the last time I checked" it's more noticeable when standing and you feel compelled to hunch over a bit because it's sort of tricking you into thinking your skin will somehow rip open if you don't. At least, it does that for me lol.

• let's ache is also exactly what it's called. It's specifically (for me, mind you) a persistent and constant ache directly along my stitches, specifically the part that wasn't given brackets because of how close it is to my nipples. This is probably the only part of me that hurts not *just* because of nerve regeneration, but also because of increased movement and higher tension because j can't put brackets there. However, I do put scar tape there, which helps, if possibly only through placebo.

By far though, the most distracting pain will be from your drains, if you still have them in.

Medication does weird stuff to your sleep pattern and dreams— additional notes.

So, because I've only just ended my Week Two of post Top Surgery, I'm gonna talk about the weird shit that the medication does and it's major affects.

So, my prescription is 2 antibiotics, 2 pain pills, 1 anxiety med, 1 antinausea. I also have over the counter pain medication, but it's functionally useless right now.

My personal routine is wake up, take antibiotics, and take at least 1 of the prescribed pain meds. My oxy lasts 6 hrs, the gabas last 12. Both will make you sleepy and dizzy, and also give you weird fucking dreams and royally fuck up your sleep schedule.

So, if you've not noticed, you'll be sleeping a lot. You're in the process of healing, and your body literally won't let you stay awake for much longer than 3 or 4 hours in that first week. Later on, it gets much easier, and if your me and don't *want* to be unconscious 90% of the time, it becomes a toss up between "Do I want to take ineffective Tylenols and be awake but in pain the whole time? Or do I want to take effective prescribed pain meds and have to lie down for a nap in roughly an hour because I'm too loopy/mentally foggy to carry on a conversation?"

The prescription wins most every time lol. Soon, as a result, I sleep a vast majority of the time. I can technically stay up in spite of the medication, but it is *very* hard, and even harder if you're trying to be active. Gabapentin is longer lasting and stronger than my oxycodone, and it makes your head feel like it's full of cotton balls. It works fantastic for pain relief, but at the cost of precision motor function and focus.

It gets harder to walk and carry on a conversation because it's a sedative and you're actively fighting your body saying "go the fuck to sleep"

Other weird side effects from the drugs and the healing have are psychological and emotional!!

It's commonly said that post top surgery you can have depression, and I would say yes— but also no.

It's more of being at the mercy of wildly fluctuating emotions and how they manifest. Typically in the form of crying, I've noticed. But not necessarily depression as I'm familiar with it.

Now, this can be for more reasons than *just* medication, and it has no bearing, in my opinion on how one might truly feel about their operation. Some factors include whether or not you take testosterone.

Low testosterone is known to be a cause of depression in cis men, and it works exactly the same for trans men and people who take testosterone. Previous to your surgery, you'll be required to stop taking a lot of your medications, including T if you're on it. This massive dip in T can *definitely* contribute to feeling depressed post op, but for a lot of guys familiar with T, this is a kind of depression you can largely tell is artificial— because it goes away the next time you take your dose XD

Other things that affect your mood is of course, your own hormones. The human body runs on hormones, and our body having gone through invasive surgery like top surgery will of course put your body in overdrive to repair broken connections, and to do that, it releases hormones. Which, in addition to reaction chemically inside you for healing purposes, also are the things that literally control your emotions.

This, in combination with the medication you've been prescribed, and the medication you've had to delay taking, can have a major impact on your mood and mental health. It doesn't necessarily mean you regret getting top surgery (you would know if you did)

But it can manifest in fluctuating mood, how you respond to emotional or psychological stimuli, dreams, nightmares, and how subconscious fears may manifest in them and the occasional intrusive thought. Also you will probably cry. And probably a lot. Over stupid shit too.

Things I've cried over in the past 2 weeks.

Typing "things I've cried over in the past 2 weeks"

A 5 second clip of futurama

A 15 minute excerpt from a 3 hr video essay of a gay furry dating Sim I have literally never heard of or played.

Talking about crying or what I've cried about so far, even when no emotions are attached.

Thanking a person for talking to me.

A good hug

The fact I can't watch Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.

A video essay about Wizards of Waverly Place.

A donut

That my brother helped me get cheerios down from the pantry because I can't reach that high right now.

My sister getting me curry

Curry in general (tearing up typing it right now)

Getting top surgery

As you can see, a lot of those are just weird shit to sob over for a solid 5-45 minutes.

I've also had a bunch of super weird dreams, and the biggest cause of that (aside from drugs and healing) is sleeping position and pre-existing conditions.

I have sleep paralysis, it's a chronic condition triggered by sleeping on my back, and unfortunately, when healing from top surgery, you have no choice but to sleep on your back for at least two weeks :D

So that's a thing to be wary of, if you deal with that.

Okay, that's all I got in terms of stuff that I haven't ever seen people talk about or even mention in regards to top surgery. So yeah.

Oh also, I have 2 (lightly used) GC2B tank binders to give away. One is trans pride colors, the other is a olive green. Size XL (ideal for folks with at least 38 C cup size) so if anyone is interested dm me :)

#transgender #trans ftm #ftm #trans pride #trans guys #trans masc #nonbinary #top surgery recovery #top surgery 👌#top surgery tips

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