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woofety · 8 months

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I was tagged by @valentinaonthemoon (thank you! 😊)

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

-- so yeah, if we consider any piercing I have the "boring" one per ear as well, I'm kind of entertaining the idea of doing a second piercing on both ears near the ones already open but my lobes are rather small, so I don't know, we'll see // I've been dyeing my hair for some years now, since nature didn't give me red hair I took that matter into my own han... well no, actually my hairdresser's hands 😁 (I've never dyed my hair on my own, I guess it would be cheaper but I'm afraid I would make a disaster)! I don't even go entirely red, I just do meshes on top of my head and keep my natural colour behind and on the sides (I carry short hair), which is dark brown... and grey/white, because nature did decide to give me plenty of white hair even if I'm not even 35 yet, yay! 😅 I think I have to thank genetics from my father's side for it but whatever, I don't really mind much, it's not really the reason why I dye my hair anyway // if by "braces" you mean that infernal stuff used by dentists to trap your teeth and having a nightmare inside your mouth, yeah, sadly I had them, and I HATED it!!! And I know I definitely should have kept them more, and on both dental arches (I only wore it on the upper one) because my teeth are far from perfect, but whatever, since they finally freed me from that instrument of torture I was sure I never wanted to have anything to do with it again! // ah, the "I am pleased with how I look"... coming from someone who has been struggling with her body (especially her weight) practically all her life, you know what? I am arriving to a point in which I'm more sure of myself when I say that yes, despite everything I am pleased with how I look after all, not because I was born or grew up to be particularly beautiful, at least... canonically speaking? What is considered canonical anyway? I believe beauty is very subjective and personal in terms of appreciation, and I can only speak according to my own standards of "beauty", which would make me say I'm not really beautiful, but I've been working on myself, I've been dealing with my ups and downs, my satisfaction and my guilt for whatever I have been doing (or not doing) to take care of me, and I'm finding that with time more moments came in which I rooted for and appreciated myself and my appearance more than the ones in which I thought it wasn't worth it and I wasn't doing enough and even if I did, MY enough would never be enough anyway... maybe it was the effort and sacrifices I put myself through, maybe I'm learning to be kinder and less judgemental with the way I criticize what I (or don't) say or do, but I can see I'm doing better, and I know that it doesn't sound forced when I say it and that I want to continue to walk this path! --

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

-- I don't know if I can say that I am artistic, does occasionally making jewellery and accessories and a bit of calligraphy makes me so? 🤷And in all truth I'm not yet able to make them from scratch, so I generally follow others' tutorials, maybe tweaking stuff here and there, but whatever 😅 // So far I know, aside from my mother tongue - Italian - I know English and a bit of Spanish... well, not nearly enough to have a proper conversation I've been studying for not such a long time but I'm starting to understand more the written language and catching up a bit more on the spoken one, but the latter is way harder atm, as with all languages, I suppose... Unfortunately my Babbel subscription (I started learning Spanish there) has expired and prices have increased since last year, so for now I put it on hold, even if I finished the main courses and was going through the ones to expand my vocabulary, and tbh I had half a mind, if I reactivated my subscription, to start learning another language, which would be Portuguese 😊, but I'm not really keen on paying for two languages at the moment, idk... // Well, when I say I can cook without a recipe, let's say they are rather basic dishes and that I do it with recipes I've done over and over, because otherwise I'm rather "maniacal" in following a recipe, and that is true especially with baking, that I really can't do from scratch - maybe it's also because even the baking recipes I do more frequently, like muffins or pancakes, I don't do them often, in any case I would be too scared of forgetting or messing up stuff, so I always need to have written instructions... I would hate to fuck them up, both for my sake and my mother's, since we are the ones enjoying them! 😋 // When I say I enjoy singing, I'm not saying I am good at it, although once some years ago, when i was really in the mood (because I usually sing on my own, I'm still not that comfortable with doing it with other people around) and I started singing along with friends in a car, a friend of mine who a rather trained ear for music said I had a good voice... Anyway, I give my best performances at home with nobody around: I believe my go to songs would be Abba's, or my childhood's anime theme songs (the ones sung in Italian, if you've ever heard of Cristina D'Avena or Giorgio Vanni 😝), but I've even dared to try some Nightwish or Evanescence, even when I'm working out, can you imagine the result (especially when I work out, while concentrating on the lyrics distracts me from the effort of doing an exercise, there is that tiny aspect of keep my breath, which I definitely can't use for both singing and exercising, and sometimes even laughing at myself for even trying and failing both 😂) --

RELATIONSHIPS

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends// I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

-- I really don't know if during the years I've made some friends online (which would have happened only here on Tumblr, since I didn't meddle with other social networks), there were few people with whom I talked I did consider friends, but I've been so awful at keeping relationships going with my inconstancy and disappearances that I'm aware it's rather difficult to keep up with me and I don't know if those people ever considered me even close to a friend 😔 --

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Summer is my favorite season

-- I'm probably illuding myself but I think I've heard the ocean in a conch shell? I like to think I did, at least 🐚 // something I would like to do is sleeping under the stars and watching the sun rise, especially the second, not that I had many opportunities to do either but I guess what really prevented me so far has been that I'm too lazy and enjoy comfort too much to sleep outside or wake up at ungody hours ah ehm 😅 // the sound of chirping calms me... mh, not really at not even 5 am when I'd like to sleep but it wakes me up, it doesn't 😆 I mean I like it, but I believe not even the birds are chill most of the time (not the ones outside my window for sure), so why would their "chattering" make me calm?! 😝 // I admit I've been enjoying rainy days with moderation more recently, because we have some problems at home with electricity we still haven't figured out (there is likely an exposed cable outside the house which, when there is rain - probably also directed by wind - makes electricity go off) and it's rather annoying since we don't know what exactly causes it yet; not to mention that recently with heavy rain there have been some pretty serious floods in the region and in areas near where we live which were disastrous for some people, towns and infrastructures - they were surely exceptional events but they made me more distrustful towards rain; also yeah, well, surely rain is less bothersome when one's cozy at home and not outside! Let's just say that I mainly enjoy light rain, or better just cloudy days, ok?! // for all reasons above, I couldn't bold the fact that I enjoy thunderstorms, in fact they terrify me, but that was even before recent events tbh // when I was little, while watching the clouds I often enjoyed spnding time to guess what familiar shape they took, it's a fairly common game, one that I sometimes do even now 😊 // I'm not really sure what "paying attention to colours" means, but I do keep an eye on them and their combination, not only while dressing (I'm not a fashionista at all, but I still pay a bit of attention coordinating my outfits, with the little I have), Idk I just really like colours! --

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 cats

-- as long as I feel I'm safe knowing that someone I know is with me and is vigilant, like traveling with me on a train, yep, I believe I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle, I did it in the past after all, in a car with my family even more so, but if I'm on my own there's no chance, I need to be alert at all times, I'd be to anxious for someone to take advantage of my being asleep // I don't think I may have eaten enough of Mexican food to judge it fairly, but so far I liked what I ate, and I read some recipes that seem delicious even if I haven't tried them // if "stick shift" is indeed a car, eh, theoretically I can, but I almost never do it, because the road (mostly other people driving) drives me nuts andupsets me... it's something I'm aware I have to work on, because now I fortunately don't have much need of it, but being able to drive is sadly important, and as much as I don't like it I'll have to learn to be more comfortable with it, sigh // alas, don't ask me how or why, despite all in this world that wants to prove me otherwise and my character and better sense, somehow I still believe in true love, whatever that means (I think how it is perceived is s also rather individual, I have my own definition of it, or how it should be, and I don't consider it exclusive to romantic dynamics btw - friendship is a form of love as well and it can be as powerful and meaningful and worthy of being considered "true love" too, and I will die on that hill // given that my making up scenarios is not relegated just to bedtime, as much as I'd like for them to making me feel more cozy and relaxed and help me distracting from the day to day problems that I can't possibly solve while lying in bed so that my brain would just shut the fuck up and leave me be for few hours please and thank you 🙄, the thing is sometimes I find an idea or scenario that gets me excited enough to keep me wide awake, which is rather counter-productive if you ask me 😅 // I don't actually sing in the shower, not at least while I shower, or at least i do it very rarely, but I occasionally like to sing in my bathroom and shower stall because i like the acoustics in there 😎 --

I'm not tagging anyone (not even sure if people I'd tag would remember me 😅), but if anyone wants to give this a try and let me know feel free to do it!

#tag game #about me #thank you for tagging me!#it's been lovely doing this to take my mind off today as it's not been a very good one so far #my pms is kicking in hard this month and I don't feel very well #and I feel even worse for not having done any of the tasks I had to do today #these days are horrible 😖 but it is what it is #and luckily what I had to do wasn't mandatory or urgent and could be postponed #so this was good for distracting myself a bit from the pain and frustration as well #oh and sorry for commenting so much on this - idk I just felt like it 🤷😅#btw now you can edit previously written tags whoa that's cool!#that won't stop me from not realizing my typing mistakes but it's an improvement in case I do 😝#it certainly compensates for whatever that tumblr live is lol #I still have to discover whatever has been going on on this place while I wasn't active

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electriccenturies · 4 months

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inch resting how i am such a nice, normal person up until the point where i get triggered by irl things that feel too much like being on tumblr, and then i lose my cool...

like (now, after a ton of therapy) im totally cool agreeing to disagree, or understanding that someone might have a different worldview but the same underlying beliefs as me, or understanding that the reaction they have to something might be different than mine but not fundamentally incompatible, and understanding that we are closer in our differing beliefs than either of us are to OTHER beliefs even when we disagree on the exact specifics of lefty progressive ideas... but then it gets to the gaslighting 'actually, the society has always been the way we're trying to change it to be, and this all makes perfect obvious sense as objective TRUTH, and you're the weird one if you think it's new or need an explanation because nothing has changed even though it OBVIOUSLY has' or 'actually these people believe [opposite of what they believe] and [deliberate misreading of what they believe]' and i black out 🙃

its a problem. it's an actual panic response or smth and i can't control myself very well when it happens. and also i don't like feeling compelled to censor my observations about the world around me, and i don't like watching others be asked to either. why can't people just acknowledge that they're asking for something new, and then defend it to people who find it confusing? If you can't defend something without lying and/or using emotional manipulation to get people to stop asking, then maybe you need to think it through more??? or at least accept that it's not THE objective truth?

i regularly find myself begging my therapist to tell me if what im saying is a 'normal people' belief or not because my perspective is so, SO skewed from being terminally On Tumblr for 12 years. i used to believe crazy shit, even when i didn't believe it anymore. imagine my shock when i learned that many of the absolute no-nos on this webbed site do not even register as anything to average progressive joe. that many of the strict, important social rules on here are seen as crazy as fuck by people who vote progressive, hold progressive values, but aren't in these no-nuance no-debate no-disagreement echo chambers? god it's confusing.

the world is so much more complicated than anyone wants to admit, it seems...

#i got mental health acted once and the psychiatrist they made me talk to asked where online i spent a lot of time and i said tumblr #and i shit you not she said 'yikes. thats not good.'#like i think the whole internet has been discourse-ified but my god did being on tumblr fuck me up. i know i say that over and over but #ive been actively trying to heal from it for YEARS now and im still struggling!!! and still so easily triggered about it!!! im never free.#i think there just IS an inherent element of compelled belief or requirement to rewrite history to be more convenient in certain circles...#and it doesn't sit well with me in general but the cognitive dissonance i lived with for so long makes it much much worse #because now i'm mentally free but very aware of how much i am being forced to not just be polite (which i'm more than happy to do)#but to actually agree that its true when i have my own beliefs and perspective on the world #and to pretend i don't see things that are happening right in front of my eyes. to pretend nothing has changed. to define MYSELF that way.

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