#tw:suicidal ideation

[doll-r-t]

I am so exhausted, just tired of life. Sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to keep going like this.

#tw:suicide #tw:suicidal ideation

[jenn-the-mostly-harmless]

Living with self harming and suicidal ideation is so hard to explain to people who don't experience it. Like there's this cultural expectation that it means you WANT to hurt yourself or die, or that you are constantly miserable, but that often isn't the case when you live with it long term. If it didn't get you early on, chances are you've made the decision that you want to live and avoid harm if possible. (I am not denying the existence of people with other experiences, so please chill if that made you feel defensive.)

For me, it's like living with internal pop up ads. Like the part of my brain that wants me to die is not the part I experience as being me. I'm sitting at the computer desk of my brain trying to decide tasks and get things done. The part of my brain that says horrible bullshit is like a shitty guy in an office somewhere flooding my brain computer with pop-ups. We both know that I'm not enticed by the ads, that I don't want to click them, but the shitty guy sending them is still hoping that if he floods me with enough of them I'll just accidentally click that shit.

So some days I can close out all of the pop-ups and get some things done, and some days there are so many pop-ups that I just minimize the expectations of what I can get done because I'm going to be slowly and methodically clicking them closed most of the day.

This is why it's disabling, by the way. Because I could prioritize work or completing tasks, but then I risk accidentally clicking on one of the pop-ups and hurting myself or worse. I'm not an oowoo fragile baby, I just need more time and energy to complete tasks safely than society will allow, and I wish people with built in ad blockers understood that.

#tw: self harm #tw: suicide #tw:suicidal ideation #mental health #I'm pretty sure the guy sending the pop ups is late stage capitalism #mental illness #mental health disability

[edutainer2022]

Necessary preamble: 1) Apparently I don't like happiness, so this is distilled Tracy angst (with a tiny whiff of fluff). It's Scott's grief over Zero-X and Dad. Bounced off of John's and Virgil's.

2) The boys are vaguely in the anger stage. It's not a good place for any one of them. There's a very, very roundabout reference to suicidal ideation. Please, be advised.

PLAY OF LIGHT

Scott sees his father's face every time he looks in the mirror. The resemblance is uncanny, they coo. The spitting image of a father he didn't save. A hitch in his flightpath, a stumble in his skill or a strike of indifferent cursed stars - and his father goes super nova, debris of the massive ship evaporating in the blazing glory of burning plasma right in front if his eyes. Every time he closes them. They replace the mirror in his bathroom after Virgil plucks the shards out of his knuckles.

John trusts metaphors no more than he trusts emotions or guts. John ever truly trusts numbers. So when a moment between them is thin and sharp enough to cut glass, Scott knows to take the words "your fault" not as an accusation, but a verdict. It's a good thing he's already passed it on himself - judge, jury and executioner. He was in One. He had the estimate intercept coordinates to Zero-X, he should have punched it and made it on time. Punch it he did and make it he managed. In time for the fireworks. If he knows John at all, he knows there's a double edge. John ever truly trusts numbers he calculated himself. Scott is quite willing to stay standing beneath the sword, if it would save at least one of them. It doesn't.

Virgil gets to pick up a sobbing and retching John off the bathroom floor because a pale and speechless Virgil gets to choose which brother is hurting more right then in their little game of blame - dished and accepted. He chooses John. He chooses wisely.

Whenever Scott receives a punch - Virgil's heart bruises. But he lets Virgil plummet him with fists of lead, as he holds the brother later in an iron grip against his chest, thrashing and wailing in a bolthole down in the hangars, in the recluse of Two's collosal form. Virgil rains hits blindly over his shoulders and back. Because Virgil can't. If they all shatter to splints, Virgil can't hold it anymore. He clutches Virgil as he would a bleeding wound, till the edges catch and the seam mends.

Scott finds himself on the edge of a cliff often these days. It's a good spot. All the way up at the Round House. The highest point of the island. If he steps close enough there's no roaring ocean nor a canopy of trees to see beneath, down the slopes. No tether. Just the sky. If he tilts his head just right to the wind, he could fly. That's all he ever wanted to do. Fly. That's all he ever was good at. Not good enough - the sun reflected in the water all around mocks him with a brilliance of the exploding plasma. A mirror. He's trapped in the reflection forever.

The world opposite of the sky beacons him with a child's voice. Alan trots up and grabs his hand in a bustle and fury of trusting blue eyes and their Mom's smile and a little brother determination to tow him down to the villa because John told him so. Scott scans the palette of nearby trees and undergrowth for a flash of tell-tale ginger, but finds none. It's not an apology between them, but an understanding. And Scott steps away from the edge.

#thunderbirds are go #scott tracy needs a hug #scott tracy #scott tracy needs his dad #virgil tracy #john tracy #tracy brotherdom of angst #tw: grief #tw:suicidal ideation #grief is a tide they say #tracy boys are not in a good place #methinks i have astronomy #thunderbirds 2015 #scott tracy needs therapy but noone ever brings it up #every tracy brother needs a hug

[writingbrainrot]

How does one as an adult who is trying to move away from christian purity bullshit and accept my sexuality, especially being afab and an SA survivor, balance that with being disabled and unable to go to adult spaces but also knowing that you as a kid was very much in online spaces you shouldnt have been even if you never interacted?/genq /srs

Like do i just die? Sjhkfkf /j /lh

#tw:suicidal ideation #suicidal ideation #i'm fine #am in therapy #but wanna warn this properly even though i solely mean this as a joke cus it feels very impossible #every time i try to embrace being an adult human who wants to feel sexy sometimes i am filled with shame and idk where its coming from #hell it may be coming from each one independently #also having to tw each time i make a joke like this (ill keep doing it) while i understand why #sometimes i just get... so tired of it... ik its to protect but sometimes it feels like its not to protect people who also have si but #instead protect ableist and sanist people #its not every time but sometimes i get that vibe and its v alexithymic of me but i can't tell what changes to make it feel different #aside from maybe the potential of different groups of alters being in the headspace but that doesnt feel like the answer or #even close to the emotion

[remain-uknowable]

I kinda want to die. I won't. But I don't like living really. And i don't really know why anymore. I don't know why it's so hard for me to enjoy shit for once. That's so pathetic and spoiled isn't it? I shouldn't post this on main. I don't know why it's so hard for me to admit when im feeling shitty or to talk to people. I also don't want to bother people though. I feel so guilty all the time. I don't even always know why its just every little thing i don't remember the last time I haven't felt at least a litttle bit guilty.

#tw:suicidal ideation

[damndroid]

Fionna and Cake: The Escapist Fantasies of Suicide and Apocalypse

One of the first things just about everyone noticed during episode 1 of the new Fionna and Cake miniseries is the incredibly dark lyrics of the opening theme, "Not Myself".

I'm not really feeling like myself today

Hated every job I've had

What's wrong with me?

Everyday's the same

Painfully mundane

'Cause I'm running from my feelings

And my fear of sudden change

Every time I leave my room I wanna die

Even when I'm with my friends

I'm alone inside

'Cause nothing really matters

And I don't know what's sadder The fact I even try

Or that my hopes and dreams are shattered

I'm not really feeling like myself today

Ay ay ay ay

We see another take on the same theme with Simon. As himself, he is incapable of helping Fionna. Losing himself to the madness of the crown in order to be useful again isn't just a sacrifice, it's a suicide.

It strikes a chord, but I initially struggled to see how these themes expanded through the rest of the show. I also struggled to reconcile why, if Fiona is struggling with suicidal ideation, the culmination of her arc in episode 10 is her realizing that the world she lives in, while flawed, is worth fighting for.

And then it hit me: suicidal ideation and apocalyptic ideation are fundamentally the same escapist fantasy.

When I've struggled with suicidal ideation, it has often been through the lens of a release from the responsibility of being part of the world. When you struggle with the constant tasks of keeping yourself fed and clothed, the responsibility you have to the people in your life to be kind, communicative, understanding, and supportive seem out of reach. You begin to feel like, well -

But damndroid, you whimper. What's apocalyptic ideation? What does that have to do with this?

Well, the fantasy that Fionna entertains for most of the series isn't suicide. She wants to replace her world with a magical one full of adventure and promise.

It's only over the course of the series that she realizes that the realization of this fantasy means destroying the world she knows and the people in it.

This kind of fantasy of being able to let go of a mundane, doomed world is something that I think most people in my age group are familiar with. Our media landscape has been saturated with apocalypse for decades. We love stories about sad dads in a world where civilization has collapsed figuring out how to help their daughters (Simon included). This is a reflection of the fact that our world feels doomed. Climate change, the perpetual economic collapses of late stage capitalism, the endless wars of imperial domination, the rise of a new global wave of fascism. It's too much.

If the world is going to die, it's certainly a lot more fun and easy to think about adventures in the aftermath than about the complex process of its death and what we have to do now. This is the core of apocalyptic ideation: the problems that we have a responsibility to help solve seem insurmountable and out of reach. It's easier to imagine a world where we have already failed.

In her superb video essay The World Is Not Ending (please watch it please pleasepleasepleaseplease), Sophie touches on this idea, primarily though a criticism/extension of Mark Fisher's famous quote "It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism." Sophie continues this thought:

"If we are trapped by the conviction that we cannot possibly win, imagining others remaining idle is the thing keeping us stuck. If we want to come unstuck, we need to have confidence in each other…the sooner we fight back, the better the world gets to be as a result”

I guess this whole spiel is an excuse for me to say this: we only get one world.

It's not dying. It's being killed.

And not fighting back is suicide.

#Fionna and Cake #Fionna and Cake spoilers #tw:suicide #tw: suicidal ideation #suicide #suicidal ideation

[wantmeifyouwantme]

fighting the urge to leap in front of a train

#i want it to be over #tw:suicide ideation #tw: suicide #sewerslideeeee

[hitoshisbf]

Oh look it's "I'm Suicidal" Hours.

Again.

#thank god america won't let me have a gun!! i'd have fucking blown my brains out 10 years ago! maybe 14! #Seriosuly this happens every fucking day #I go maybe 8 hours without feeling like Impending doom and death the nOH HELLO #Hey its your suicidal ideation i'm fucking back!! #tw:suicide mention

[optimistictragedykid]

Presentation is due in 14 hours and 30 minutes (i have not started yet) (i dont know how to start it) (i dont know what I'm doing) (im already terrible at the class' subject) (seriously considering just shedding my soul out of my body so i don't have to present) (the depression is hitting hard)

#tw suicidal ideation #tw: suicidal ideation #tw suicide #tw: suicide #twsuicide #tw:suicide #cw suicial ideation #cw: suicidal ideation #cw suicide #cwsuicide #cw:suicidal ideation #my posts

[sunshine-on-marz]

YAYAYAYAY slight tw as a warning

i really dont know what to say when i request btw

can you please make a father figure! Jschlatt with a reader who's been having really bad thoughts? (i feel like you know where I'm headed with this)

if you're uncomfortable, have cotton candy. if you are comfortable, have cotton candy!

I gottchu

Tw:suicidal ideation

———

He had just finished chuckle sandwich when your dad knocked on the door. He knocked again when you didn’t answer, then walked in. “Y/n?” He said before he saw you curled on your bed and crying. “Toots what happened?” He rushed to your side and pulled you into his lap. Gripping his shirt explained how you where feeling through sobs and hiccups. “I-I just can’t—anymore. I cant dad. I want it to end, I don’t wanna be here!” He froze for a second before holding your tighter. “No honey, no no no. You know that’s not the answer, right? It won’t fix anything, ok? Let’s work it out, I’ll help you fix the problem, I promise” you nodded and bawled harder. “I’m s-so sorry” he shushed you “no, don’t apologize , thank you so much for telling me” after a while he made you a nice dinner and the both of you had a movie night so that you weren’t alone.

#dsmp #dsmpblr #dsmp x reader #dsmp x gender neutral reader #writing #jschlatt x you #jschlatt x y/n #jschlatt x reader #jschlatt #dad!schlatt #x child reader #dsmp x child!reader #tw: sucidal ideation #tw suicide #suicide

[animeshrink]

Diagnosing fictional characters is quite the challenge, but in working with kids who love anime, it can be par for the course and can open discussion about their own challenges. So, where to start with Kakashi:

*Note - kudos to Masashi Kishimoto, mangaka (manga creator) of Naruto. It looks like he did research and really did a pretty accurate representation of mental illness in his works and was respectful and humanizing in depiction.

*TW:suicidal ideation, panic attacks

Okay, as evidenced in several episodes, one would quite obviously conclude Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. So, let's start with the elephant in the room that stares us in the face the whole series:

Criteria:

Exposure to trauma (death, injury, violence), learning about someone close experiencing trauma, and/or repeated exposure.

The wonderful skykashi has a beautifully written post delineating Kakashi's traumatic past. It's a must-read for those who want to know more about why Kakashi is the way he is.

2. At least one of these: intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, emotional distress, physical reaction to triggers

3. Avoidance of triggers (people, places, or things that remind you of the event).

Okay, he did the opposite of avoiding. Instead of avoiding, he would spend literally HOURS at his friends' graves daily. However, this goes with the next criterion of self-blame, as yes, he would visit their graves and memorials daily, but would disparage himself every. single. day. For HOURS. Talk about how much of an "idiot" he was and become "stuck."

4. Negative cognitive or mood changes: not remembering what happened, negative beliefs about self, self-blame, negative emotional state (fear, shame, guilt), loss of interest in things that used to bring joy, detachment, inability to experience happiness or love

Even as an adult, in his late 20s/early 30s, he was still triggered/activated at times - unprocessed trauma does not go away, but can be treated and coping skills can help.

5. Altered reactions: irritability and anger, recklessness, hypervigilance (always on the lookout), easy to startle, can't concentrate, can't sleep

Hypervigilance. Context: Might Guy (friend in green suit) wanted to surprise Kakashi and hug him from behind. Kakashi tried to kill him, but then realized it was a friend, not foe.

In Anbu, he was known as "Cold-blooded Kakashi" due to his recklessness and general apathy. His friends sought to have him removed due to what they perceived as his being reckless and wanting to die.

6. Symptoms must last at least one month post exposure to traumatic event

So, when all is said and done, Kakashi would be deemed "clinically significant in meeting the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis"

Other diagnoses?

This is where it gets tricky.

Was Kakashi depressed?

Let's look at what depression is:

At least five: Depressed mood for at least two weeks, loss of interests in things once enjoyed, weight loss/gain, physical slow down, fatigue, feeling worthless, diminished concentration, thoughts of death/suicidal ideation.

Wait, but didn't he have a depressed mood for at least 2 weeks, didn't he lose interest in hanging with his friends? Didn't he feel worthless? Didn't he want to die? That's 4, right?

So, believe it or not, he was not clinically depressed. Doesn't meet the criteria. So what about those 4 symptoms? Look above. See symptoms 3, 4, and 5 of PTSD - Avoidance, change in mood, altered reactions? Ding, ding, ding.

This! This is why it's important to be your own advocate. If someone like Kakashi were to go to therapy, and did he ever need it, it would be so easy to be (mis)diagnosed with depression. However, once the trauma is brought into the forefront, the treatment and approach differs. So, in other words, SPEAK UP! Your therapist needs to know these things, so they can help you.

Anxiety?

Yes, Kakashi was notorious for had panic attacks at the worst moments, but c'mon. They're not predictable. So, did he have anxiety? Panic disorder? Were they panic attacks or anxiety attacks?

Being that they weren't 100% random and typically occurred in context, e.g., following the killing of a friend, thinking best friend had sacrificed himself, finding out dead friend is alive... his were in all likelihood PTSD/trauma-induced panic attacks, as panic attacks related to triggers are not uncommon with PTSD - unresolved trauma rears it's head again! See? Self-advocate!!

So, all that to say, and I know this is a hot take, but the "only," and I use the word "only" very lightly here as I would never downplay mental illness, diagnosis Kakashi Hatake would actually have is (untreated) PTSD and it wreaked havoc on his life. Someone needed therapy!

Next I'll do Naruto, since it's his show. But if there are any characters in any universe that you would like "analyzed," feel free to ask. In doing this, I've found that some people do find it makes their favorite characters more relatable and helps them feel they're not alone.

*Anyway, as usual, this post is for entertainment-educational purposes only. Please do not use this for mental health information. If you need mental health assistance, please speak to a local(!) qualified mental health professional. If you feel suicidal or need immediate help, please, in the US, call 988.

#hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #anime therapy #naruto therapy #naruto #might guy #anbu kakashi #kakashi panic attack #kakashi needs therapy #kakashi depressed #kakashi ptsd #destigmatize mental illness #mental health awareness #normalize getting help

[rr-sheep]

-[ TW:Suicidal-ideation ]-

~Dispair Muko~

The AU was scraped due to it being too sad and haveing low plot but here's some concept art. <3

#my art shit #muko #my artwork #my art #fnf #fnf dave and bambi #my artwrok #fnf fanart #fanart #dave and bambi #dave and muko #muko fnf #muko dnb #fnf muko #dnb muko #fnf dnb #dnb #dnb fnf #scrape au #concept art #dnb au #dave and bambi fnf #dave and bambi fanart #dave and bambi muko #tw sui ideation #this is sad #scraped concept #au's

[edutainer2022]

A comment got me thinking that it's probably shaping up into a "Tracy Brothers Deal with Grief" (mini)series(ish) thing. It's a Dad-is-gone grief so far, but we'll see how it goes.

1) Tell the Water (Gordon and Scott)

2) Play of Light (Scott; John and Virgil feature)

#thunderbirds are go #scott tracy needs a hug #scott tracy #virgil tracy #gordon tracy #my fic #scott tracy needs his dad #thunderbirds 2015 #john tracy #alan tracy #jeff tracy #looks like i'm writing fic again who knew #methinks i have astronomy #tw:suicidal ideation #tw: grief #tracy brotherdom of angst #every tracy brother needs a hug #stages of grief

[artisnowy]

TW:Suicide

Passive suicidal ideation is so intriguing, stumbling through life on a tightrope,

making no effort to balance just to see wherr the wind blows you.

You may not take the knife into your heart but would care about the speeding car

you may not tie the ending of the chapter of your life into the noose but would you run away from a shooter?

theres so many times i tried to find you, so many universes to show you the effect you cause,

and yet it seems as if you stand waiting for the wind to take you, and the world isnt ready to misd you

#depressing shit #poem #tw depressing thoughts #poemsbyme #poetry

[noirefusetotype]

Hello funky little void

(tw:suicidal ideation, depressing thoughts, feelings of worthlessness. Please just ignore this. It's just me getting my thoughts out. I am more ok than this blog would make me appear. I just like to post out into an endless void because it feels good to have these thoughts just out there where no one I personally know can see them)

Don't worry I'm not depressed. The L plushie fixed it I swear

But perhaps I might feel like a bother towards my friends. Since for whatever reason the only time I can be happy is when I get a little ding or notification from them. And I know I should be happy to just be by myself. But I am not and I don't know why. My own company is choking me.

Whenever I'm alone in my head these funky little thoughts won't stop telling me all the reasons I am an awful person. How shallow I am, how hopeless it is to even try to be a good person because I will always just be my issues. I will always just be a scared little child draining the life and energy out of everything that I come near just in hopes for a little warmth for my black void of a heart.

It makes me wonder if I am nice to people because I like them and know I should be or because I dread a disappointed face. It makes me wonder if I will ever accomplish anything because I am nothing but useless and scared.

It makes me realize how I can't help but pity my worthless self when I know that everyone I have ever known has gone through so much more than me. Literal abuse, actual neglect and are ok. It makes me realize how much of a waste of energy I am.

And I thought I got these funky little thoughts gone. But they come back again and again and again and I'm tired. Anytime one little thing doesn't go away and I implode. Maybe I'm just doing it for attention. Maybe I want everyone to look at this sad little clown child because it's the only way anyone will ever look at me. Because I know I am a pathetic trash person who doesn't deserve the people I have in my life. Because I don't appreciate them. I always take them for granted and I always ask of them. It's always need, need, need but never give.

I am nothing but a weed in a bed of flowers but I need the nutrients from them to be happy. Because I can't create my own. I don't want to. I don't want to just finally get a hobby and stick to it. I don't want to finally just accept myself and move on. I just want to sit and cry all day and feel sorry for myself.

I'm just tired. I want to snip off this weed but I'm scared and I don't want to hurt anyone. I just wish I was ok. I wish I was the person that everyone needed of me. I wish I was better but I am not and never will be. I just wish I could have someone smile at me and feel like I deserve it and that I could just relax and smile back

Idk. I'm ok. The L plushie fixed things <:

See ya void, be back soon

#tw sucidal ideation #tw depressing thoughts #trauma dump #sorry for the rant #ignore this

[wantmeifyouwantme]

naplan makes me wish i didn't live near a beach and instead i lived near a cliff 🥲

#does this count as suicide ideation? #tw:suicide ideation #?