#unknowns but actual dancers and singers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dropsofletters · 1 year

Text

people you know to people you don’t

summary: she’s a believer that love will be found in unknown fairytales, men who sweet talk and mysterious, unknown situationships. nonetheless, it’d a surprise for her if she was told that lee donghyuck, her best friend’s little cousin could be a possibility.

i mean...he is only her annoying friend, isn’t he? it couldn’t lead anywhere else. ever.

title: people you know to people you don’t. pairing: lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nakamoto yuta x reader) type: childhood friends to idiots to lovers!au ; lovers to exes!au ; slowburn!au ; small town!au ; cousin’s best friend!au ; drummer!haechan ; twitch gamer!yuta ; law student!oc ; just lots and lots of backstory, deal with it. word count: 15k words, i’m sorry. genre: fluff ; slice of life ; angst ; drama ; humor ; suggestive content note: this was the result of a poll i did late february on this blog. keep your eyes open for more polls.

DONGHYUCK’S LAMEST SUMMER: SEVEN YEARS AGO.

She’d write it in a book if she could. Yangyang’s laughter was the perfect epitome of an onomatopoeia. Ha-Ha-Ha in its purest form, with tears rolling down his eyes and his head tossed back as Eunbyul catches him just in time before he falls down the blue plastic chair he dragged in front of the computer.

What they were supposed to be doing was writing a geography project about Japan, the place they picked to talk about, and its cultural richness. Yangyang said they could talk about anime, and she shrugged it off before they came across with the file. Actually, she’d capitalize it. The File. As in, The X Files. As in, Donghyuck’s societal death.

In all honesty, when Yangyang saw a file titled ‘For The Tube’, he could have ignored it. Could have, should have. But from what she knows about her two best friends is that Yangyang can’t stay still for once and Eunbyul follows after his every word. Blame it on the obvious relationship that they try to hide from her and her clammy hands whenever he does so much as smile to her girl best friend, but that’s a story for another time.

Using Eunbyul’s little cousin’s laptop was one thing. Eunbyul’s mother had filed for divorce against her father and they had stayed over at Donghyuck’s house for the past year, with the excuse of going away once things started looking up for Mrs. Lee. They don’t seem to be doing so any time soon, so they got to meet Eunbyul the latest school year. They quickly became close, and met Donghyuck along the way. That didn’t mean they had any right to look around his stuff.

Yangyang didn’t listen to her, and while she expected to see huge tits and piles of porn, this was much worse. Come on, he’s fifteen, it would have been better if he was just searching for boobs online.

It was Donghyuck’s music career in just one file, and she had heard him sing in the shower once. During February, when she had forgotten her purse in Eunbyul’s bathroom and she had flown back inside to pick it up before they went to the mall, only to apologize once she walked in as Donghyuck shrieked after being cut off from his singing. She apologized, but that redemption of Maroon 5’s ‘This Love’ was actually pretty darn good.

He’s a singer, perhaps a dancer though she hasn’t seen it. He’s not a rapper, by any means, considering that he’s standing in front of his phone’s camera, with a hoodie on top of a cap he has pulled back, his black bangs standing through the slit, with clothes too big while he is rapping to Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice, Ice Baby.’

Badly. Oh God, what was Donghyuck thinking exactly?

Then, he started popping and that’s when Yangyang actually lost it.

“Okay, I gotta tell him. I can’t die with this in my chest.” Yangyang stands up, consequently making Eunbyul trip onto her chair as she stares at him with wide eyes.

“Tell him what?” His two friends, or childhood best friend and girlfriend, say in unison while looking at him. For someone as lanky and quite possibly stupidly confident as him, Yangyang liked living his life with the thrill of being a bit of an asshole. A heartfelt asshole, with a good soul right at the center of his chest, but still one.

“That we have a new nickname for him.”

The worst part of being friends with Yangyang (he’s good, mostly, she has cried watching The Notebook with him, so she knows he’s soft at the core) is that they are included in whatever trouble he gets into. So, when he rushes out of Eunbyul’s room, they go after him. The house is not that big, so the white and black kitchen in which Donghyuck is in. He’s holding a bag of cheerios upside town trying to pour the last few bits that are more like dust into a milky plate when Yangyang says it.

“What’s up, Vanilla Ice?”

Donghyuck’s right eyebrows moves the slightest, like a tick of some sort. He looks up at Yangyang, trying to play it off as confusion while he lays most of his body on the counter. His small chest is pushed forward, dark bangs falling on his forehead. “Yangyang, we all know that you’ll eventually end up being a junkie somewhere downtown, but what kind of weed are you on?”

Straight-on, and Eunbyul is about to open her mouth to defend Yangyang (again, the whole dating-not-dating thing is quite obvious at this point), when the man himself makes it worse. “I don’t know, you tell me, is it a totally sober decision to record yourself rapping? Because if so, whew, even I make better decisions than you, Vanilla Ice.”

Never had she seen Donghyuck move so quickly, and that comes from the man that every PE teacher complains about because he never wants to do much other than gossip by the bleachers. Now, he’s face to face with his cousin. “You looked through my stuff!”

“Just say that Yangyang did.” She mumbles, but Eunbyul completely ignores her.

“We just clicked on it accidentally!”

“It could have been something private!”

“Oh, trust me,” Once again, she’s speaking softly, and maybe she should stop doing it because Donghyuck’s now frowning at her. “It would have been better if it was your stack of porn.”

“Get over it.” Eunbyul’s trying to play the tough girl card, probably to defend Yangyang, as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Vanilla Ice.”

Now, she’s not vanilla ice, but she’s cheerios with milk with how Donghyuck pours his whole bowl of breakfast on her head. Eunbyul does so much as scream before Donghyuck stomps away from the kitchen. In all honesty, she would have loved to go after him and tell him that it’s just another stupid nickname from good-old-dumb Yangyang.

But, in all honesty, all those years after which she got to further know Donghyuck, everyone in her friend-group called him Vanilla Ice, so some decisions are taken by life itself.

SUMMERS ARE EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU ARE IN COLLEGE. TWO YEARS AGO.

Alright, so twenty-one sucks. Her two best friends had just broken-up for the first time in what seems like forever and now she’s stuck in a beach party with Yangyang, smelling like greasy hot dogs with corn and wearing a tank top over a bikini top that truthfully looked better online than it did on her chest. Those boobs aren’t for that top, that’s for sure.

At twenty-one, she imagined she’d be a little adult just flickering her way through the pages of life. It’d be like a math problem that she had solved on her first day of school and never found much complexity in it. Only that life is much harder than she imagined, both socially, mentally and economically. Eunbyul and she had eaten hot-spicy ramen as cookies instead of boiling it because they didn’t have any water these days, and that’s enough on economy.

The crisp air bites at her shoulders, leaning the side of her body against Yangyang’s shoulder. One of his hands is up, the other clinging onto a beer bottle, while both of her hands are up. Seven fingers up, bathed in the glow of the bonfire in front of her, only putting the two fingers left on her second hand down when she grabs the third hot-dog of the night and bites into it. She sees her ex staring at her lips briefly, and soon after, he returns his gaze to the other people around them.

Felix was a good start for last October. She almost thought that he could be the one. Four dates and daily texts for four whole months and then, it was over just like how it started. Nothing more than a few kisses and lingering touches happened, if she’s not counting the promises he sputtered. However, the long strands of his blonde hair and his rosy lips still haunt her to this day, because there is some anger that lingers within her.

The loss of time, perhaps, or the fact that he dignified a lot of firsts for her. Her first midnight call which lasted more than five hours. Her first sneaking out experience. Her first make-out in an empty cinema. He felt like forever and would never, ever be the same in her head. Not when he admitted to a few of their mutual friends that he just wanted to test the waters with her and then, it got deeper than what they could both control. Hence, he cut it off.

Oh, and being an experiment is what drives her insane, because she has seven fingers up and he has only two left. He’s clearly more experienced than she is. Must have a laugh remembering the little they did.

Because Yangyang has put a finger down about skinny dipping, and more than half of the circle put another down when talking about weed, but each and every single nasty question is met with silence from her. Even her questions are stupid. Never have I ever hidden alcohol from my parents. Never had I ever had a crush on a neighbor. They all put it down, not her.

What does it for her is when Felix, in all his confident glory of being a guy…because that’s what guys at twenty-one are, just fucking dudes trying to play themselves off as gentlemen, is when with a smug grin he asks, leaning back on the log that is behind him, the flannel of his shirt extending around his slim waist.

“Never have I ever had sex at a party.”

She puts a finger down when his deep-brown eyes lay on her. Just to spite him, as if to tell him that there was someone else after him. He knows that she hasn’t done much with anybody; being him whom she got farther with and it was a hand down his pants before she said she wasn’t ready. He respected it and she respects all the shades of red that take over his face when he looks at her hand.

Because she’s pretending as if she’s not a virgin just to get back to her ex and that’s…magical.

After that round is over, two more questions erase Felix and another girl from the circle, but Yangyang leans to her side, whispering into her ear: “What was that whole stare-off with Felix?”

“He’s trying to get at me.”

“He’s just drunk and playing a game.”

“Well, it looks like a fucking dare. He keeps laughing with his friends that I have two hands up.”

Yangyang doesn’t roll his eyes, because he may be a douchebag to most people, but like she has always said, there is a reason why she is friends with Yangyang. Instead, he inspects her features and just then, she realizes the trembling of her hands, the pattering of her heart, the shame. Yes, shame, because that is what women are brought to when they are young. Feeling ashamed that they trusted a man that didn’t love them as they should have. The inept nature of them is blamed on who loves the hardest.

“Fuck him, but the best way to say fuck him is by showing him just how good you are on your own while also staying true to yourself.” Yangyang speaks the truth, and maybe if her bikini wasn’t so uncomfortable and if she didn’t still have sand up her shorts from the dive she had in the afternoon, she’d listen to him. Tonight, at eleven, is not the night that she’s going to finally hear to Yangyang’s rare wise words.

“The best way to taint a man’s ego is to make him feel like I’ve met someone whose dick is finally interesting enough for me to get farther than with other men.”

“No.”

“Yangyang, think about it. The thought of Eunbyul being with someone else, and hey, I’m not saying feelings are involved or not, that’s none of my business…” She trails her voice, elbowing his side and making a bit of his new beer bottle spill. “Makes you heat up a little bit, doesn’t it?”

“That’s different, we actually had a relationship.” Yangyang takes a gulp of his beer bottle. “You are always stuck in situationships.”

“No man ever wants to be serious with me.”

“Because you stay with them even when they give you a thousand red flags.”

“Name a man with no red flags.”

“Uh…me?”

“Yangyang, you’re a walking red flag.”

“I’m a nice magenta shade, mind you.” She stands up at that moment, because she has only had pineapple juice in exponential amounts and hot dogs, but it’s starting to get to her bladder. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she tells him she’ll be back in ten minutes and soon after, she ventures into the world of Aida’s household.

She doesn’t pay much attention to the bamboo walls or the pretty fountain in the middle. She’s off to the bathroom and finishing her business quickly, only to be stopped when she’s stepping out and wiping her hands on her tank top. Felix stands in front of her, with the same round eyes that last year had told her that she deserved nothing but the best, lips plumper thanks to the alcohol, voice as deep as she remembered it.

“...I didn’t know you had met someone else after me.” Felix utters, though he’s drunk and oozes alcohol, dozing off on his own thoughts. “You told me you had never slept with someone before. How…? Who…? Who changed that?”

There it is. The ego, the intrigue, just what she wanted. To have him thinking of her even a miniscule second, because she sure as hell spent nights crying about what they never were. Only that the simplest answer is, of course:

“None of your business, Felix.”

“I know, God, I know…” Voice growing decibels deeper, he leans back on the wall in front of the bathroom before huffing loudly. “I’m just…have you met someone else? Is it Yangyang? You always told me you and Yangyang were never a thing.”

“And we weren’t! We aren’t!”

“Then…?”

Timing is always wrong when it comes to these kinds of situations. Or a bit right, even. The hallway is empty enough for it not to seem like a coincidence when Donghyuck slips into it, looking down at his phone and drumming with his free hand on his jean-cladded thigh, but when both Felix and herself look at him, it’s like it clicks on her head.

“It’s Donghyuck.”

That’s an answer for Felix, but the confused cousin of her best friend can only answer. “...Yeah, it’s me? Hi. That is my name.”

Bingo.

Donghyuck had grown a bit in his twenties. His hair had gone through a few changes, but now he’s back to pitch black, slicked back, matching the hoodie he has under his jean jacket that reads ‘The Misfits’ in the background. Not that they go along with the khakis he brought to this party, but he makes it work. His cheeks were as round as ever, but paired with a sleek jaw and interestingly relaxed eyes. Being part of a band definitely did him good.

The band started over two years ago; she remembers his debut was during Donghyuck’s prom, which she had attended with him just because he didn’t want to pursue the whole ritual of inviting someone whom he was dating. They never talked, but she got to see him behind the drums. The Dry Flower included Donghyuck as the drummer and some of his friends. Renjun is the singer, though she hasn’t talked much to him. Niamh on the guitar and Jooyeon as the bassist.

They play a few gigs here and there, as far as she hears from Eunbyul, but after she moved out of his place, she only sees Donghyuck at very special events. Like parties, as this one.

“I, uh, you two know each other?” Felix asks and Donghyuck doesn’t look at him like he’s the most interesting person in this world. In fact, he looks a bit bored.

“Yes.” They reply in unison, though Donghyuck keeps walking towards one of the rooms, only to leave her there with Felix.

A few beads of silence pass by like the sweat pooling on her forehead, leaning back and forth on her boots before Felix clears his throat.

“You two are dating, I imagine.”

No. For the love of God, she wouldn’t date Vanilla Ice. Not because he’s not handsome, but there has never been that chemistry between the two. Like two logs staring at each other in the middle of a lake.

“Yes, so if you’ll excuse me…” What is she supposed to say here? I’m going to have sex with Donghyuck now, let me be?

She doesn’t say much more, turning around and trying her hardest not to run inside the room like a madwoman. She opens the door and closes it behind her with a soft thud, but the sigh that she lets out and the following gasp is enough of an answer for her that this lie won’t be easy to keep.

The hoodie that Donghyuck had been wearing is forgotten on the floor for a second before he’s pulling it up to his chest to cover his body. Glowing tanned skin is barely visible under the dim lights of the guest room that they are probably in, but just before Donghyuck can scream at her about what she’s doing there, she rushes to the top of the bed, splaying a hand on his mouth and speaking a little too close to his face.

“Vanilla Ice, I know you don’t necessarily like me and that we aren’t really friends, but if I asked you for one big favor including you not screaming after I pull my hand off, would you do it?”

Donghyuck doesn’t like cooperating, that’s for sure, and when he sticks his tongue out, she doesn’t relent. His eyes squint, grabbing her wrist and pulling her hand off his mouth before speaking softly. “Explain in a sentence that doesn’t excuse yourself and I’ll think about this favor. You’re…suspicious.”

“What would you think if I accidentally linked you with me?”

“I asked for an explanation, not a question.”

She places her hands on her knees, ignoring the fact that it’s weird that she’s with Eunbyul’s cousin in an empty room, on her knees, standing in front of him as he’s shirtless. Nothing sexual about this, though.

“I may have lied to my ex…situationship.” She answers, looking to the side and inspecting Aida’s guest room, that might as well be empty and yet, still feel cramped and humid. She doesn’t like lying and the anxiety that comes with it. “Felix finds it glorious that I haven’t had much of a dating life after him. Or any dating life, whatsoever. So, while we were playing ‘Never Have I Ever’, I made it seem like I had sex after him. Hence, he was asking me whom I was sleeping with, you just popped inside the room and then…”

Donghyuck presses his lips together before sighing. “You…I was just trying to sleep after drinking and you got me in this kind of trouble?!” He whispers-yells before plopping himself next to her. He lets the hoodie pool on his lap, completely forgetting to cover himself and from her peripheral, Donghyuck is soft in all the perfect ways. “Felix is an asshole if he is pissed off about that, you know that, right? You slept with him, then with someone else. It’s called the cycle of life.”

She toys with the ripped edges of her shorts, playing with her bottom lip before dramatically throwing herself backwards on the bed. “That’s what you don’t get, Vanilla Ice.”

He doesn’t relent about the name like he did years before, instead asking: “I don’t get what isn’t explained to me. I’m a genius, but not like all the fucking time.”

Looking at the dark ceiling, all the bundled up emotions come into confusion for her. Because yes, she feels at ease with not doing anything more than just touching, but at the same time…she wouldn’t mind people believing otherwise so they would just get off her back and ignore the obvious heartbreak that came with her thing with Felix.

“I’m a virgin.” She confesses, rolling her eyes. “And you can laugh at me all you want. I just want people to believe I’m not; not because I’m ashamed, but because that’s the only way you can poke fun at assholes. Make them believe that there was someone much better than them that did get into your pants and they didn’t. It’s silly, immature, all of that, yes Donghyuck, I know-”

“Uh-huh, go on.”

“This is when you stop me.”

“No, I want you to think about what you’re doing.”

She turns around, only to see that he had laid down as well, staring at where she had been looking before. “I’m a stupid virgin that still has some resentment about the fact that her first love was someone who never really loved her to start with.”

Donghyuck stays silent for a few seconds, turning to look at her and quirking an eyebrow. That small tick that she always noticed on him. “Felix is an asshole. An asshole who will always win no matter what you do. He will get good money, a happy family, and also be the popular dad in the block. That’s who he is. You didn’t shape or change him, but him not being yours was of help for your future, even if it doesn’t look like it.”

“Yeah…” She mumbles. “I’m sorry for threading you in all of this.”

“Fuck yes, but here’s what we’re going to do.” Donghyuck puts his hoodie on, rubbing at his tired eyes and sighing deeply. “I’ll drunkenly step out to the party, because you’ve sobered me up with this whole plan, and I’ll say some stupid comment about-”

“No.”

“What?”

“You’re not making sexual comments about me.”

“I can say your ass is nice or something like that. I promise it won’t be like the worst shit.”

“How about this? We can go about this silently and keep your feminist reputation intact.” Donghyuck’s lips quiver up the slightest at that. That may be a smile, but when she stands up and states her plan to him, he loses that smile. “I give you my bikini bottom and you put in in your pocket. Ask one of the gossipers to take care of your jacket and boom, they find the pair of panties and-”

“Ew!”

“Donghyuck, they are used panties, but I’ll buy you another jacket, I promise. You won’t even have to touch them.”

“That’s…how do you even come up with these things?”

“Some guys keep memories of who they slept with.”

“I am not one of those guys.”

She picks up his jacket from the floor and then, struts towards the bathroom, hearing Donghyuck’s complaints and steps behind her.

The party ends up with Donghyuck leaving his jacket with Soohyun, the nursing student that no one tells their secrets to and yet, she’s aware of everything, before he’s off to sleep the drunkenness off. She’s with Yangyang, asking him for his jacket to wrap around her hips when she says:

“Donghyuck is a panties-collector! Who is wearing a yellow bikini in this place?” Soohyun’s voice lingers with mischief and when her sharp eyes settle on her body, she knows the dots have been connected.

Now, Donghyuck will be marked as the hook up that got her to forget about Lee Felix.

LIFE DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER, AND ADULTHOOD FEELS LIKE CLOSURE. THE PRESENT.

She would have never realized that what she just had was a dream. The confession from Henry Cavill himself as he sputtered out his apologies for a fake love was quite frankly accompanied with a warmth that she would have loved to hold onto. Nonetheless, it seems like the moment with the actor is cut short when she feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist, belonging to the shaking shoulders that hug her from behind.

Eunbyul had moved in with her all those years before she had broken up with Yangyang and she had been quick to change places so it would only be the two of them as roomies. It felt rather odd, if she was honest. Eunbyul had always lived in a relationship, sharing houses with Yangyang from the moment they all graduated high school, but having her best friend by her side was always a good thing to wake up to.

Now, their friendship is not precisely any closer because of this. Law school involves a lot of hardships and while both her and Yangyang continued down this path, Eunbyul didn't. She married the idea of having her own bakery and now, she owns a little boutique bakery downtown, which has a few clients, if she does say so herself. They don't spend much time together, and she definitely doesn't slip into her covers like this.

"Byul…" She trails, sleepily patting a hand around until she finds Eunbyul's shoulder. She pulls her closer, resting her chin on the top of her friend's dyed light brown hair. "What's the matter?"

"Yangyang texted me." Her shoulders shake even more with every weep she lets out, and while she knows that Eunbyul's chubby body emanates warmth, her heart has been cold for plenty of years. "...I…He said he could only see himself with me. Why does he do this? It's like I can't ever get over him."

They are both her friends, and that makes it a little difficult to be opinionated. She knows both of them were faithful to their relationship. As a matter of fact, she thought they would be forever, one of those stories that one would hear in upbeat songs on the radio.

"...You two were great together, Byul, and I do believe in returning to a place if you recognize a little too late that it was your home."

"It's just…how does he know I am his home?" That question is whispered between them. "He has never had anything else. Anyone else. How will we know if…if he won't want to be with someone else later on or sleep with someone else or…?"

"All valid questions to be asked in a relationship." She prompts, sighing deeply and letting the tips of her fingers play with the curls of her friend's hair. "But those doubts will come with any man that decides to settle down with you. Regardless of him being Yangyang or not."

"I know."

"Then, if Yangyang has always felt like the one, why not try it with him whom you have a bunch of history with and apart from that, he actually really wants to be with you?"

"I broke up with him so he would be with other people and realize that he didn't just want me."

Okay, she should not have scoffed, but she did. Eunbyul is perhaps the biggest romance enthusiast she knows and then, she dares say shit like this. "Said no one ever."

"Hey!"

"Eunbyul, who the fuck wants the love of their life to sleep with someone else?"

"Me!"

"Cuck alert."

A smack lands on her chest and she hisses when Eunbyul accidentally hits her boob. "That's the main reason why you are single."

"Out of many others." She answers, only to have Eunbyul sigh.

"I love him." Those words would be nice to hear. At times, she wonders why she has never been loved. Is it her personality, her immense will and need to be successful? Is it the throbbing of her heart that falls a little too fast? She would never know.

But at this age, very close to being a lawyer, she would have imagined that she would have been loved.

"I know you do."

"It's been two years and I can't get rid of that."

"How do you un-fall in love with someone who did no wrong? That is just nonsense, you."

Eunbyul groans, pushing her body upwards before sighing. "Is 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?' on Netflix?"

"Doubt so."

"We are illegally downloading it and sighing over Matthew. Alright? Alright. Movie night."

That is how she spent the entirety of her midnight watching rom-coms with Eunbyul instead of sleeping before a grand presentation.

"Donghyuck," His mom mumbles from her spot at the counter, head hanging low and fat tears falling onto the marble surface. "My God, my son…I just want you to have a secure future and you continue with 'The Dry Flower'. You won't have anything to eat one of these days!"

It hurts him to see his mom like this. For all he knows, he wishes he could go back to when he was seven and his mom would clap for him, cheering him on for a dream that she’s entirely against as of now. It’s complicated, wanting a hug so badly but also having to defend his dream. Surely, he won’t be the most well-known drummer to date, but he will mean something.

“Mom, I promise it won’t get that bad. You know how I am, I…”

“That’s the thing! Life is not about how you are, or how you think you are, it’s about what you do so you don’t go through hardships. It’s about being smart!” She rubs at her face with pent-up frustration and Donghyuck sighs deeply, placing his hands on the edge of the counter to stop himself from hugging her.

“I know, but I can’t be smart and unhappy.”

“Happiness is fluctuant, Donghyuck. You can’t be happy all the time and on the long run, this won’t make you happy.”

“How do I know if I don’t try? I’m sorry, okay?! So fucking sorry that I didn’t go to college like all of my younger siblings. I wish I could have been a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher, but I can’t. For the life of me, I can’t simply not try.” Donghyuck answers, hating the raspiness of his voice and the knot that grows on his throat. He looks to the side to stop the tears from falling, but they burn at his bottom lashes. “I’m sorry. I…I promise I will find a place soon and if I eat or don’t won’t be any of your business.”

“It will always be my business!” His mom replies. “Donghyuck, you have a way of making things sound like you’re going to die tomorrow. You can do the whole drumming thing on the side and go back to school.”

“I’m not book-smart.”

“To get a degree, you have to have the wits, and you’ve got them, honey.”

“...I don’t want to, mom, okay? I don’t.” He responds, opening the fridge and picking up the bag of pastries he had bought for his girlfriend. He stands by her side, watching how older she had gotten, a few wrinkles appearing on her face, wearing bigger clothes and tighter feelings. His plump lips spread on her temple, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say that he loves her, but he does. Instead, he gets on his bicycle, hoping for a miracle.

Hoping to be somebody so all of this could change.

Youth was supposed to be easier, wasn’t it?

Mr. Montero will have her head, fry it and then kick her out of law school. Yes, she’s claiming it, and yes, she’s also one step from doing the same with Eunbyul after she left her car-less (because, for some reason, Eunbyul can’t make a decision for the life of her but she can surely grab her car at five in the morning to go meet up with Yangyang). That was four hours ago, she’s running forty-five minutes late and Eunbyul isn’t picking up her phone.

Not that she’s angry that her friend is getting laid, but still.

The thing about small towns is that it’s a little difficult to get a ride. Taxis and their high prices leave more than just a few college students grabbing the bus, who is also extremely late, and she’s tired of waiting. She tried walking there, but the heels she opted to use for her presentation (against her will, but Mr. Montero and his oh-so-wise-mind says that law students should look their best always) dig into her soles and leave her begging to rub cream on the blisters appearing on the skin. Hence, she’s crying a little bit and almost cries a little louder when she sees a familiar face from afar.

Lee Donghyuck had never made her feel so relieved to look at somebody. In fact, she rushes after that bicycle, screaming his name until he comes to a halt. Drenched in a beige hoodie that is probably too thick for today’s weather, he lets his foot step on the concrete before he looks over his shoulder. He doesn’t look as relaxed and uninterested in the world around him as he usually does, instead widening his eyes when he sees the tears that bathe her face.

“Is everything alright?”

She could have asked, but she stands in the back of the bicycle, hoisting herself up in a way that she’s half-sitting on his seat and holding onto the hood of his shirt before deciding to wrap her arms around his waist. “I have a huge presentation that is worth twenty percent of my grade and I’m not exactly passing this class, so if you drive me there, Donghyuck, I swear I will never bother you again.”

He blows a small fraction of air that moves his disheveled bangs away from his face before he makes up his mind. “It’s what you always say and you always come up with something new.”

But he starts moving with will, and she has to accommodate her body so her chest is not squished to his back. It’s not like she wants Donghyuck to feel her body pressing up against him. “Eunbyul decided that stealing my car was a good idea.”

“Eunbyul?” Donghyuck questions, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen Eunbyul do anything even remotely bad.”

“You don’t know her. Put Yangyang in the fraction and she’ll do just about anything, Vanilla Ice.”

“And here I was thinking that since you called me Donghyuck before, we’d be skipping the nickname.”

The air blows at the strands of hair that she had worked so hard on brushing, but it seems like this day is not at her mercy. She stares at the rays of sunshine that fall on Donghyuck’s chiseled cheekbones; he looks rather great today, but just when she’s about to reach for one of the pastries hanging from the bicycle’s handle, he clicks his tongue.

“Not for you.”

“I haven’t had any breakfast?”

“So?” He replies with the same condescending tone before sighing. “I’m…It’s my first month anniversary with my girlfriend, Yejin. Those are for her.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at that. Donghyuck had never been open about his relationships and she was certain that he had never lasted more than a week with somebody. Much like her, he lived off situationships.

“You have a girlfriend?”

“I can manage to have somebody, you know?”

“I’m sure you do, you’re not bad looking.” She answers, pressing her cheek to the top of his head and then sighing. “I’m sorry for the proximity, I’m just trying to keep my hair intact. The wind is insane today.”

“‘I have a girlfriend’, I say, before you inherently make me look like a cheater to half the town.”

“Everybody in this town knows we’ve been friends since high school, Vanilla-”

“We’re friends?” He asks, a bit surprised, and it takes her a moment of thinking. To everyone in this town, Donghyuck was the man that took her virginity in a set of parties that they attended to, perhaps a bit closer than friends at some point (though grandly wrong at that assumption, that is), but someone whom she is really close with. It’s not precisely wrong.

“Yes. I know more about you than most people and I think we care about each other enough.”

“That’s being acquaintances.”

“You know what, Vanilla Ice? Fuck you. We’re not friends at all if you don’t want to. Saving my friendship bracelet, or rather, I can give it to you so you can pull it up your ass.”

Donghyuck chuckles loudly. It’s been a while since she has heard that noise and it reminds her of the times he spent binge-watching YouTube videos on the sofa while her trio of friends were trying to do work. He makes a laugh sound so sincere that she’s almost in awe. Donghyuck blurs his words to make himself look less attached, but he’s also inherently transparent.

“We can be friends.”

“I don’t want to anymore.” She huffs, only to have him shaking his head.

“You’re friends with Yangyang. I’m sorry for second-guessing you a bit.”

“Don’t you dare talk shit about Yang.”

“I’d kick his ass if I could, but I sadly don’t care about him enough to do so.” He stops his bicycle in his tracks, looking at two roads. “Left or right?”

Right. This moment feels right.

With the sun bathing the two of them and their eyes connecting briefly, she replies: “Left.” Because that’s what they will always be. Opposite roads.

WORDS THAT CAN’T BE SAID SHOULDN’T BE WRITTEN.

Be damned the day she couldn’t say a thing. When it became easier to spend her time studying at the local swimming pool that the landlord had coincidentally decided to add to their apartment complex; that was the time everything went to hell and back. Because that’s when she met the nephew of one of the old ladies at the complex, and he was handsome.

Capital H.

He’s also extremely unapproachable in every way. Thomas, the little kid that sometimes glues his bubblegum to the elevator doors in hopes of keeping them together for longer so he can talk to somebody (as he says, his parents don’t get home until very late and he spends most of his time alone), had given her some background on Nakamoto Yuta. Twitch streamer for story games, who posted a bunch two years ago but also has disappeared a bit now, just when his career was starting to launch.

It’s not a surprise that he’s always drinking a certain brand of an energy drink or that he almost always is recording what he is eating or drinking a bit. Typical influencer nature. However, she can’t say she was not a bit distracted as she was getting ready for her exams. This last month has been hell as she watches him push his black hair back, give one of those smiles that squares his jaw and make him look the ever-more-thrilling, with his t-shirts almost always painting the outline of a nice pair of abdominals.

Dead.

She almost failed a test because she’s been spending her time being stupid.

Okay, this idea came from Yangyang sarcastically…but she had followed through with it. She rambled a lot of stupid shit when given the chance, so she wanted to put those words to paper and get over him by just emptying her heart. Sometimes, she wrote something sweet, then it was something a bit risky…

And as she’s inspecting the letters of the page she had been trying to read the last hour as he listens to his typical rock records at a medium volume that can be tolerated by most, she doesn’t expect to hear cackles nearing her. Full-on laughter that has her looking up, feeling droplets of Yuta’s hair falling on her face as his eyes become crescent moons.

He never talks to her. Or at least, never a conversation that is of much use.

However, tonight he sits on the chair next to hers, waving a piece of paper in the air that has her widening her eyes.

She never signed the papers, she’s certain.

“I came to the realization that my secret admirer wrote in purple and you use a purple pen today.” Yuta announces. She knows his name because Thomas is a grand fan. God, she wishes she had given up on those letters now that she feels her heart racing because she had called him a bunch of names. From cute to hot, to absolutely breathtaking. “And it makes sense, considering you look up too much from your book.”

“I…What? No. No way.” She shakes her head. Fuck, what had she written today? She always left the letters under his gym bag, always brought to him when visiting his aunt.

“Lie to me, but this?” He spares a look at her notebook, pointing at her handwriting. “Coincides with this.”

“Hey! Privacy!” She closes the notebook snugly, pointing at him. “I know laws. Don’t make me use them against you.”

Yuta quirks an eyebrow, leaning back on his hands before laughing softly. “Use whatever you want against me, baby.” The pit of her stomach shouldn’t dance at those words, much less when she remembers what she had written on today’s note for Yuta.

I wish I was the honey you pour on those cinnamon rolls your aunt always gifts you; that way, I would always stick to you mouth.

Never listen to Yangyang’s advice ever again. That’s the newsflash she’s receiving as of now.

“I’m Yuta.”

“And I’m gracefully out.” She tries to stand up, clinging her notebook and textbook to her chest, but Yuta wraps his fingers around her wrist, pulling her back every so delicately before fluttering his short eyelashes.

“Come on, don’t do that. I’ve kept all the letters you’ve given me, and now that I can give the person a face…I wouldn’t mind a date.”

The good decision is to avoid relationships.

She knows this. That’s always the good answer. However, it has been a while since she has felt the warmth of someone’s skin against hers, and it has as well been extremely long since she has had someone kiss her goodbye. It could be nice, and it could also be an opportunity with Yuta.

Damn her for saying yes.

The worst part of being with someone new is that she goes to places where she doesn’t belong.

Two months after she started seeing Yuta is when things started to feel different. Eunbyul had been nice enough to invite her to a cabin she’d be sharing with Yangyang and a few other friends, where Ritz cookies with whipped cream were promised—she preferred them with pepperoni, so she’d bring some herself—, and she’d have a few talks while passing the brief weeks in which she’d be free from her semester. She’d feel like more than her textbooks, but she had washed away the idea of that trip for something with Yuta.

Granted, she knows that Yuta has some kind of fame. Not enough to have paparazzi after him, but like one or two people want to take pictures with him as he’s seated on a plaid picnic cloth, rolling up a joint and bringing it to his lips. His hair is longer than any of her ex’s, he is also incredibly touchy whenever he wants to, with a hand on her waist and leaving a flutter at the pit of her stomach. He wears a floral shirt tucked into ripped jeans and he’s…a daydream.

The kind that kisses her velvet lipstick off, and the man that spent most of his days talking to her online. They rarely see each other often because of clashing timelapses and busy schedules, but now that she sees him…she wants him to be the rare good decision that she makes. She knows that he’ll either be the person that settles with her—finally, God fucking finally—or her biggest heartbreak.

She has learned from Yuta, as his thumb caresses the sliver of skin that is unraveled from the waist of her black and yellow sunflower sundress, that he is the total opposite of her. She is preparing herself to defend divorce cases; to figure out who is right and who is wrong and raise her voice for those who need sheltering in that situation. However, Yuta sees his life for what flows and doesn’t—he just got his engineering degree a year ago and he's making real money off Twitch streaming.

He doesn’t see far ahead, and all she can see is the light at the end of the tunnel. If it isn’t there, she’d inherently panic.

And this music festival that he wanted so desperately to go to with a few of his friends—Johnny and Yoonoh, whom she hasn’t seen now that they have found their respective dates—is not the kind of scene that she frequents. Yuta smells like the joint Johnny had given him, and his eyes are dazed when he turns to press a fleeting kiss to her lips.

He flows and flows and flows. She’s scared that one of those times, he’ll fly away from her fingertips.

“What’s with that face?” Yuta asks, pressing a kiss to her cheek and her heart does summersaults, because she rushed two weeks into knowing him to give him a kiss and now, two months into this…thing, she can’t wait for Yuta to figure himself out. To make this grand event for him an even more enormous moment for her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to an event like this.” The farthest she had gone was that summer in which Yangyang spent almost every weekend partying and bringing her along. At some point, she had become his chauffeur and Yangyang had thrown up so badly into his own backpack that he had completely forgotten to wash it off. He promised not to party anymore when on the first day back to school he had brought the throw-up-filled backpack with him. “…I…You know, I’m happy because I’m with you, but at the same time I want to be alone with you.”

He chuckles a bit, putting down the joint and turning it off with a step on top of it. “We are alone.”

“No, like…” She could say it. Without music booming and his friends around and his mind elsewhere. “Just forget it.”

He tugs at her hand, softly, lips puckered up when he asks: “Come on, just…tell me. I want to know everything that is on your head.”

Would he want to know the anxiety? The recurring insecurities? Would he want to know that he has taken over every piece of her dreams and she’s not sure that she can get rid of the image of him anytime soon? Cupid had thrown an arrow directly at her heart and the worst part is that if she rips it apart anytime, she’s scared that it will rip it out of her chest.

“I wanted something quieter, maybe.”

Though, the moment that Yuta brings her closer and tells her that it’ll only be a few more minutes, she feels liquid pouring down on her. Yoonoh is not too far away, with dimples on his cheeks carved so deeply that it looks like there is no tissue or muscle there in his chiseled cheekbones. His flannel shirt is opened as he spritzes the recently opened bottle of champagne on the couple.

She closes her eyes. Fuck drunken Yoonoh, she thinks, hearing Yuta’s sweet laughter and trying to mask the same smile. Maybe, she just needs to loosen up.

“Yoonoh!” She screeches, standing up and plucking the dress away from her chest so it doesn’t contort a little too closely to her skin.

“You two were flushed. Needed to ease up from this heat.” Yoonoh brings the bottle to his mouth and pours a good chunk before she sighs deeply.

Love is a slave to patience.

Maybe, that’s all she’s lacked, patience.

And even those she’s annoyed, she brings her face down to steal a kiss from Yuta, who quirks an eyebrow and tells her: “I’ll kick his ass, don’t worry. I know Yoonoh can get annoying when he’s had a few drinks on him.”

Please, do, she wants to tell him. Instead, she shakes her head. “I’ll go to the restroom at the restaurant we went to, okay?” There’s a seafood place near this festival, considering that it’s by the beach, and while the stars have taken up the sky and she doesn’t want to go on her own, she also doesn’t want to bother Yuta.

He takes her phone from the picnic cloth before placing it in the little purse she has dangling from her shoulder. “Send me a text when you get there.” And with a kiss on her forehead, she tries to convince herself that Yuta’s heart beats as quickly as hers does.

It has to, right?

Long has it been since Donghyuck has felt that crippling need in the pit of his throat to weep and cry. He’s older, so he has tried to garnish more of a timelapse before he reaches that point, but…when a friend betrays you this way, it hurts deeply.

Renjun’s hair is shorter than how it was when they first met. It’s a deep blue with glimpses of black, sticking up at different places while he hits the stack of papers that include their lyrics against his hand. Past his empty eyes, Donghyuck believes he sees glimmers of who they used to be. Renjun was the guy in theater club that skipped his classes to go play with him when the real school band was over. He was the man that came up with the name ‘The Dry Flower’. His eyes were once red from crying with Donghyuck because they had booked their first gig.

“I don’t want you in the band anymore, Hyuck.”

They were about to play their biggest gig to date. A beach festival in which they were one of the first people to open, but as he is in his best leather jacket, with his hair sleeked back, his drumsticks ready to play for him, Renjun says this. As if it doesn’t weight him down. As if Donghyuck hadn’t heard him minutes ago.

“What the fuck?” He asks with a sarcastic smile on his face, pushing forward until he is face to face with Renjun. “I think you’ve forgotten I was the one that got us here, Renjun.”

“We didn’t want a front-man.” Renjun announces, frowning deeply. “That’s the problem. You think this is a one-man show—”

“No, I don’t, but you don’t know how much I’ve given up for this band. Or you do, but you’ve decided to forget just now.” Niamh and Renjun are just a foot away from graduating, and Jooyeon had her own music store. Niamh is engaged to Aida, now seated on her lap, their eyes elsewhere but on him. They had totally planned this.

“That was up to you to decide—”

“You don’t even have a drummer for the gig!” Now he’s desperate. He should have walked away twenty minutes ago when this argument had started, to keep his pride intact, but he wanted this band. For the longest time, this band had been his family.

“We have found someone.” Renjun aspires, whispering at first, and when Donghyuck asks him to repeat himself, he does with a straight face. His hands are shaking and meanwhile, Renjun is calm. Composed. As always.

He hates that Renjun has it all together and he doesn’t.

So, he thrashes all the memories he has held with one of his best friends. The nights they spent talking about how they aspired to be like The Strokes or Queen. The birthdays in which Renjun sent him voice messages saying he hates him to death but that they’ll celebrate that night. The hugs they shared when getting gigs, or the moments in which creating music felt cohesive. Because he was the Paul to his John, and now—

Now, Donghyuck is launching himself at Renjun, using his forearm to back him up into the wall backstage, speaking into his face as tears threaten to spill from the corner of his eyes.

“Fuck you!”

His vision blurs, forgetting that the face his punch lands into is none other than Renjun’s. He feels his own body being pushed backwards, Renjun’s slim body falling on top of his, and he swears he hears Jooyeon screaming for the two of them to get over this. Her short hair moves with each tug she gives to get Renjun off of him as he lands another punch, but it’s to no avail.

Friendship wasn’t supposed to end like this, with security separating them and Donghyuck staring at a group of people that stabbed him behind his back. Jooyeon and her widened eyes, that inspected him as if he had gone insane. Niamh, always the most sensitive, crying her eyes out and covering her face. Renjun’s cheekbone flourishes in a deep pink and he wonders if his tan skin mirrors the same wound.

The only thing that keeps them connected as of now.

Security drags him away, only letting go of him when they were in front of the restaurant a few feet away. Donghyuck spits in the floor, finally letting his hands cage his face and his shoulders shake with each weep that leaves his body.

He doesn’t have a band anymore.

Shit, does he have a dream anymore?

The world is weightier and it crumbles to the point he wants to hide himself. Rushing, he enters the restaurant, ignoring the waitress that tries to get him a table as he goes to the bathroom.

His best night just turned out to be his worst.

Someone enters the bathroom just as she’s washing her hands. In fact, she doesn’t react at first. Indeed, she prepares herself for a drunken talk with a girl who probably wears one of those pleated skirts that are trending right now, but when the door is shut with a bang and she hears incessant sniffling along with a smack against one of the stools, she knows whoever has entered means business.

And there could have been a hundred people that entered through that door, but she never expected it to be Donghyuck. Her heart hammers against her chest when she sees his black hair pooling on each side of his face, longer than the last time she saw him, clinging into the last bits of gel on his head. He is wearing a leather jacket, but the anatomy of him astounds her. His shoulders are shaking, back hunched, stomach contracting before he lets out a loud sob. As if whatever is bothering him rakes through his chest and leaves him void, open for the world to pluck at his heartstrings.

“Donghyuck…” Her voice must have alarmed him, considering he stops pressing his forehead to the stool’s door and he actually turns around. His eyes are so red that they could mimic that of an eclipse. Tears fall down like glitter on chiseled cheekbones and she takes that as a cue to grab his face in between her hands and pull him closer. Before asking him anything, she’s shushing him, because this is Eunbyul’s little cousin, the man that she had seen grow and had bothered for so long. “Shh, everything is going to be alright…”

His hands cling to her back, as if her dress was a second skin, as he hides his face on her neck. She feels the plumpness of his lips right at her pulse when he shakes his head and mutters: “It won’t. My life is over…”

The contraction of the muscle by her heart is enough to have her pulling away, feeling her own tears wield up in her vision out of panic. “Don’t say that, Donghyuck. Not even playing around. Your life is not over.” Rubbing at his eyes, she speaks softly, only for the two of them to hear. Meanwhile, his hands still rest on her waist, looking into her eyes. “Whatever happened, we can get through it together. I won’t leave your side the entire night if that means you…you figuring out that this is just another bad chapter of the book, but not the finale. It is not the end.”

Donghyuck’s lip quivers before he rubs at his eyes, looking up to try and stop the tears. He tries to pull away, but she keeps her hold on his cheeks. “Renjun fucking kicked me out of the band.” He seethes, shaking his head before sighing deeply. “After all I’ve given for them. After all I’ve done. They all continued with their lives because they didn’t care about the band as much, but I followed through with it because I believed that it would sail. Now that we’re halfway there, I’m no longer in the band and—”

“Why would Renjun do that?”

“Apparently, they are tired of me being the front-man and making decisions all the time.” Donghyuck whispers, pressing a hand to his eyes as if not to see her. “And it’s so embarrassing that I’m crying like this but…that band is my whole life. I can’t let my family see that it didn’t work out for me. All these years I’ve fought to let everyone know that I was going to make it. I thought I’d be the greatest drummer but—”

“Now you’re the greatest drummer but out of a band.” She completes for him, unraveling his vision before looking from one of his eyes to the other. He had grown so much, had become so responsible and yet so mortified. Where had his sarcastic smile gone? “You don’t believe me?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, not uttering a single word.

Silence had never fit Donghyuck.

But when his silence overtakes him and rids him of the will of continuing, she is there for him. She presses a fleeting kiss to his forehead, letting her lips linger there, wishing for the Donghyuck that she knew to awaken from inside his brain. Instead, she tries to get him out.

“You’re important.” She tells him. “You’re fun to be around. You’re resilient. You’re worth waiting for.” All that she thinks of Donghyuck is spat out in simple words, pulling away to look at him only to see that he closes his eyes tightly, long eyelashes bathed in tears. “You’re smart and willing. You’re…so many things, Donghyuck, but the greatest of it all is that you’re part of so many people’s lives and I reassure you…none of them want to lose you.”

Donghyuck opens his eyes, brown eyes glistening and he pretends to smile from the corner of his mouth, but she grins back at him.

“There you go, that’s the smile everyone likes.”

“Everyone?”

“I’m a peculiar fan of your happiness. It’s the only reason why I tease you with the whole Vanilla Ice thing.” She confesses, licking her bottom lip before biting on it. “You always roll your eyes but the corner of your mouth lifts up. As if you find it amusing that to this day I haven’t forgotten.”

“I doubt I give Yangyang the same response.”

“I happen to believe I am a little bit more special than Yangyang. You’ve always preferred me.” She answers, taking his hand and dragging him to the sink. “Now, let’s wash up those tears and grab something to eat, okay? You’ve lost weight and all that stress you’ve got bundled up isn’t doing you any good.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, tossing his head back. “I’m fine.”

“I know.” She replies. “But good is never good enough.”

And then, he finally laughs when he feels her splashing water onto his face.

CUPID’S ARROW IS A JOKE THAT NEVER LANDS. SEVEN WEEKS LATER.

Returning to her last semester before she turns a lawyer should feel somehow fulfilling. Her mind could have been focused on the textbook that glares back at her from the PDF blinking on her laptop, eager for a topic to be understood, but her digits gravitate towards her phone, unlocking it and checking Yuta’s chat to see if he had answered the text that she hand sent him three hours ago, that he had definitely seen.

Or the one four hours before that.

Or the ‘good morning, babe’ text that he didn’t respond.

In fact, love shouldn’t feel like this. Like an electricity shock that flickers like a broken light. She still turns it on even though it’s only dimly lighting the room up. She sighs deeply, pressing her forehead to the keyboard when searching for key words on their conversation. Nicknames that he had called her. Promises that he had made. Pictures of the two of them that they had exchanged in a conversation that now seems dead.

If they exchange four sentences in a day, it’s a lot.

It’s an emptying feeling. Gravitating her into a pit of feelings that she can’t comprehend. Throwing the phone into her phone as it lands on a pillow, she groans loudly, covering her eyes and digging the heels of her palms into them. Alright, it was her fault for falling for Yuta, or that she knows this is inherently wrong and yet, she still stays here.

It has crossed her mind to leave Yuta, but it’s impossible. Somehow, it feels like she’s the one at blame. She feels like the problem in each of her relationships. The one that fucks it up by putting interest, by not being like other women who make themselves be desired and lusted at even after months of being together. She stands up when she hears her phone buzz from the bedsheets, launching herself into the bed in the most ridiculous of ways and when she unlocks it, she lets a few tears drop.

Yuta hasn’t responded to her text yet. And she can’t even delete them anymore.

Instead, someone else had texted her. It was not Eunbyul, who was the complete opposite of her and is probably sharing dinner with Yangyang at this point, since long having moved in with him again. However, seeing Donghyuck’s name appear on the screen—next to an ice cube emoji, of course—is not as bad.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Is it bad that I eat the leftover buttercream from Eunbyul’s store? [Attached File]

The picture attached brings a smile to her features. Donghyuck has his eyebrows well raised, a spatula pressed in between his lips and a dot of buttercream on the tip of his nose. She turns around on the bed, letting her hair cascade on her sides before sighing.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Wish I could do that. I should be studying, but I can’t fucking concentrate.

She puts her phone down. Feminism is put to shame because of her. Why is she standing a man’s doing? Just because she feels like she…she…might be slightly in love with him? That’s stupid, even for her. And scrolling through Instagram doesn’t help as she continues to see Reels about situation-ships.

Stop it, word.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Must be because you’re thinking of your stoner boyfriend. You know that you’re a lawyer?

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Future lawyer. Your point?

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Weed’s illegal. You’d have to put him to jail.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

I’m not like this ‘cause of Yuta.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

[Attached music file].

The room is filled with that popular song that Yangyang has been humming under his breath the last week. Boy’s a Liar or something of the like. A smile appears on her features, even when he’s not precisely wrong. What could Yuta be doing all these days, spending time at home, when there is nothing he enjoys more than going out?

To: Donghyuck 🧊

Men are snakes. Purr.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Slay girlie.

More laughter leaves her lips before Donghyuck writes once again.

From: Donghyuck 🧊

But for real, I’m going to the karaoke bar with a few friends and I’m sure you’re not going to do any more studying. Come with me? We’ll sing your song.

To: Donghyuck 🧊

My song?

From: Donghyuck 🧊

Just come. Please? I want you there.

It’s not a surprise when she accepts, putting on the biggest sweater she has in her closet—half because of the weather and the other half because she doesn’t feel like showing off with how bad she feels—, a pair of leggings and then she’s out the door. Prompting what happened these past few weeks for her to be vengeful, wishing for Yuta to react to her going out with someone else without telling him. Perhaps, she’s just clinging onto what they used to be—or what she thought they could have been—. The brisk bites at her hands as she waits for a taxi to pick her up.

Dating is the hardest thing she has done, but she tries to erase that thought out of her head as she imagines the good things to come. She’ll go to Eunbyul’s store, close with Donghyuck—since he found a job there after being kicked out of The Dry Flower—and just have a good time.

Donghyuck’s boozed. He’s the conceptualization of it.

Ask him what’s the meaning of the word conceptualization? He has no fucking clue, but as he stands on the only table there, with his boots disregarded and showing his stupid striped socks, he couldn’t care less.

She’s seated right across from him, with the same glass of water that she had ordered early on her hand, watching him with widened eyes and a bit of a smile on her face. He’ll be honest, he had never looked at her with intent or from up-close, but the last few weeks ever since their exchange in the bathroom, and the time that they had spent away, months maybe, he sees her with a different gaze.

Her hair is shorter than how it was when they were younger, eyelashes less coated in mascara and way less curled than they were before. She exchanged cheap red lipstick for a nude, darker shade that match the real tone of them. The sweater she wears probably leaves her skin damp, but the little glint of sweat around her nose makes her look adorable. Donghyuck wishes she just wasn’t so bad at picking men.

Because there he is, choosing a song as one of his friends—to be honest, he had just tagged along with Mark’s group because they were good fun, but he doesn’t consider them that close to him—asks him to. He turns around, making his dramatic entrance and singing while looking at her. When she realizes which song it is, she cackles immediately, tossing her head back and yet, not stopping looking at him.

Yes, he wishes that the only way he got her to look at him wasn’t by singing Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice, Ice, Baby’ but he knows that’s the only way he can get her to remember who he is.

He moves his hair around, parting his legs and reciting the songs like the palm of his hand. He gets off the table, extending his hand and taking hers in his even when she covers her face. Donghyuck feels a blush rise up his cheeks, could be the beers he has had or the fact that he is looking at the screen to remember the next verse because of his mind is a blur, his tongue is intertwining in words that he can’t let out at this moment.

When the song is over, the moment isn’t. Donghyuck splays himself next to her side, their knees touching and his eyes immediately going to her profile. He expects her to see her looking away, but her eyes are already on him, looking from one orb to the other and he might go insane—

God, since when was she this hot? This beautiful?

He remembers being annoyed at her, much more at Yangyang, but she was friends with Eunbyul for a reason. Then, he pretended to be her first time at a party because she was still into that asshole Felix. Now, she’s dating another asshole and he wishes nothing more than for her to open her eyes.

“You’re blushing?” She questions, splaying a hand on his cheek before pinching it softly. She’s in awe, but she can be even more surprised when he lets his fingers spread on top of her own, closing up her palm to his cheek so she cups it with more intent.

“Maybe.” Donghyuck slurs out, chuckling a bit before pushing his face forward the slightest. They are only breaths away, her mint mixing with his beer. “How does one get you to blush?”

She chuckles at that, shaking her head. “It’s been long since that’s happened.”

He can’t imagine not bathing her in reasons as to why look at the world in a romantic glare, and maybe he’s insane for it. Donghyuck pulls her hand down, trying to stop the beating of his heart and the stupidity that threatens to slip from his lips and ruin what possibly is some kind of…friendship? “I can make it happen, truthfully.”

“I don’t think Vanilla Ice has it in him.”

“Vanilla Ice doesn’t. I do.” Donghyuck replies, and maybe it’s the invitation in her eyes when she lets go of his hand and stands up, looking over her shoulder before walking away from the karaoke room that has him following after her.

Donghyuck doesn’t have a second to think when he catches her by the forearm before she walks away. Her chest collides against his own, taller than he was when they were younger, and definitely in a position that they never had been in before. His black t-shirt becomes his axis as she looks into his eyes, cutting the distance between the two and capturing his bottom lip in the softness of her own mouth. She kisses with gentleness, a bit of trembling to her body that he stops by pulling her closer, molding her hips with his own, back contorted to the dip of his stomach.

Donghyuck wishes it didn’t feel fitting for him; everything that she does, he means. From running her fingers through his hair, to the way her body shakes, heart racing against his ribcage. He pulls away to look at her closed eyelids before dipping in again. Her hand disappears under his shirt, touching the skin that he knows he’s insecure about, the places in which he hid his overthinking…

She touches him like this means forever, and he doesn’t even know what that means.

He pushes her to the wall, her back landing softly as his leg gets lost in between her own thighs. A small trembling breath leaves her mouth, opening her eyes and looking at him as his thumb traces her bottom lip.

She’s not his, and she proves it when closing her eyes tightly and saying: “God, what am I doing?”

He’ll be an interrogative, even an insecurity for her. A secret that she’ll broom under her memories to never get out. She had touched him as if she meant all those words she said at the bathroom. That he was kind and irreplaceable, and here he is, being a band-aid to a wounded heart.

“Excuse me?” Donghyuck asks, pulling away the slightest and laughing sarcastically at her words, though it doesn’t last long.

“Donghyuck, I—”

“You say it as if I’m fucking disgusting to kiss.” He compliments and she doesn’t say a word, looking over to the side and biting that lip that he wants nothing more than to kiss. “Look at me.”

“No. I…I can’t. I’m seeing someone, Donghyuck.”

“Someone like everyone else you’ve had. You don’t know how to see someone who truly respects you.”

Now she looks at him, glaring directly through his heart. “Donghyuck, you don’t know how this shit is.”

“Yes, I know how you are. You stay and feel guilty for acting with your heart once just because you believe tying someone who doesn’t want you to you is going to make them stay.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!”

“When have they ever stayed, huh?” He asks, only to have her pushing at his chest, pointing a finger at him.

“Well, I’m not sure you’d stay either! It always starts like this, with promises of being different and I always end up hurt!”

She shakes her head, giving a few steps backwards away and towards the entrance. He calls her name softly, clicking his tongue at not knowing precisely what to say.

He could start with what he feels. Hey, I’m not sure when these feelings blossomed, but I am not willing to kiss anyone else but you. Not willing to be of anyone, but yours.

“Thank you for reminding me.” She adds. “No one fucking wants me as more than a moment—”

“I could say the same about you.” Donghyuck replies, crossing his arms over his chest, hating how prideful he can be. “You called me so many beautiful things, even fucking kissed me back, and yet…I’m not enough to make you change your mind.”

He hates to see the tears that she tries to make disappear by blinking, or that she doesn’t have any words to say. Not even an excuse as she picks up her bag and turns around.

She leaves.

Don’t they always?

BLAME IS ALWAYS SHARED. THREE DAYS LATER.

The peak of her idiocy comes when she looks at her phone while in class.

She’s seated at the very back, jotting down notes on her laptop about what her classmate is explaining, but she gets distracted. In fact, all she has been able to think is the way Donghyuck’s lips spread on hers, how his body molded perfectly to hers and how bad it feels to cling to Yuta in hopes of making her feel the same. The same way even when he doesn’t text her as much anymore, or how he has been avoiding seeing her for the past few weeks.

But looking at her phone gets her to look at his social media, because that’s the hobby that she has partaken on to feel a little closer to him. His Twitch, most of the time unused, blinks with the appearance of a new stream. He’s playing one of his favorite videogames, as relaxed as ever, as if they weren’t going through a point in their…who is she kidding? This is also not a relationship, just like everyone else she has had. And there she is, withstanding shit from a man who doesn’t even want to call her a boyfriend.

Who, coincidentally, also hasn’t responded to her ‘good morning’ text again. Great.

She looks at that conversation, then clicks back into Yuta’s Twitch stream, careful not to have the volume up. His now red hair is tied behind his back, one of his legs propped over the desk as he has one earphone on and the other tossed on top of his knee. His eyes cast down on the screen, though she sees his phone from her peripheral, on a corner of his lit-up neon desk.

So, she writes the text, even with a pattering heart and fear of making a mistake. Yuta is not the only man in the world, and this anxiousness that follows after her has been enough to make her crazy. Even break her sly friendship with Donghyuck.

To: Yuta Nakamoto.

You know what? I’m not here to stay with a man who would much rather stream on his forgotten channel than answer my text. I hope you have a good one, Yuta. It’s over.

She would want to say that she was the better person and that she didn’t stay in the stream until she saw his phone screen light up and him stopping his game to look at the conversation. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, frowning his eyebrows before tossing a look at the camera and putting the screen face-down.

That’s an answer, right? He couldn’t give less of a shit and it could be easier to curse him out, call his phone and make a fool of him in the middle of the stream, but she puts her phone down as well. It feels liberating not to live through a screen, and she’s damn happy to do so.

One less worry, and more time for herself, finally listening to her class once again and writing in her computer. Heart weightier, but liberated from its confining chains. It’s easier to love oneself, she tells herself, or perhaps her career who will give her much more than a man.

Now, the problem is that her life is more than the complicated mess that Yuta made it out to be. In fact, she had messed it up a bit, too. Donghyuck roams her head when she gets out of her class, with zero messages from Yuta, but also nothing from him.

It feels worse not to have the possibility to text Donghyuck, because she knows the things they said and how hurtful they were. She knows she touched portions of his heart that he never let anyone see, much more after his break-up with that girl he had dated all those months ago.

Though, for the time being, she’ll concentrate on her exams and nothing more. That should do it. No men allowed in her head.

HOW DID THAT SONG GO AGAIN? WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE? A MONTH AFTER.

Eunbyul just had to make things difficult and offer free sweets for her best friends, didn’t she?

Donghyuck rubs at the same spot on the counter that he had been working on all those minutes ago after she had gotten here. Like every Thursday, when she wants to spend some time gossiping with her best friend and braid Eunbyul’s hair as she speaks her elbows off. He rarely looks at them, considering that Eunbyul is the one to serve her the all-time-favorite, Caramel Cupcakes, but Eunbyul is down with the flu and her best friend is still coming, nonetheless.

Today, she is wearing a suit. She has worn more of those nowadays, considering that she’s working on her thesis and also interning. Information that Donghyuck got to know about thanks to his cousin, and he pretended he didn’t care, but he would not lie to himself and say he is not a little bit proud. Even though he can’t bear to remember that night in which everything came crumbling down.

At the end of the day, according to Eunbyul, Yuta and her were over just a few days after that night at the karaoke bar. Not that she knows about the shared kiss, but she had spoken from the bottom of her heart saying how sorry she was that something like that happened. Donghyuck wasn’t surprised, but still.

Worst part is that she came to the bakery just as they were about to close, and she’s looking at the menu as if she isn’t going to pick the same thing as she always does. She doesn’t call him over, instead standing up and letting her heels ring in the silent golden bakery. The leftover pastries glisten behind the glass, waiting to be microwaved and enjoyed before the shop closes, but the only client is her.

And Donghyuck’s breath traps in his throat when she looks into his eyes. As always, concentrating on one eye and then the other. As if she can’t take all of him in just in one go.

“I want a croissant.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, stopping his motions on the counter and fixing the beige apron around his waist. “You never have a croissant. I saved you a Caramel Cupcake.”

Alright, that’s stupid. He can’t believe he said it out loud. Silence prolongs between the two, eyes staring at one another before she clicks her tongue.

“Why would you?”

“You always ask for the same thing.” He responds quickly.

“You hate me, Donghyuck.”

“I never said I did.”

“But you do.”

“I’d like to say I do, yes.” He tries to play it off coolly, only to have her laughing a bit. She leans forward, playing with the collar of her gray jacket.

“I don’t hate you.” She tells him, licking those nude lips that he has to stop looking at because she’s totally not interested in him. “And I’ll take the caramel cupcake, sure, but the croissant, too.”

He turns around, ignoring her as he starts the microwave with the croissant inside. He packs the cupcake up in those pretty see-through boxes with yellow ribbons that Eunbyul had ordered for her shop.

“Why don’t you hate me? I said a bunch of nasty shit to you.”

“It’s easy to say I hate you. Harder to do so, I think.” She answers, and he doesn’t see her, but he imagines her lips parting and sighing softly. “Because the things you were telling me weren��t wrong, Vanilla Ice.”

He seethes through his teeth, turning around and spreading his hands behind him, crossing one leg over the other. “You have never seen me as anyone else than Eunbyul’s little cousin who had a video of him rapping, haven’t you?”

“I hadn’t.” She says and he swears he sees her patting the tips of her ears, as if checking if she’s blushing. “…Until someone decided to kiss me and make things complicated.”

“You kissed back.”

“I did.”

“Then?”

“We made it complicated. There, better?”

“Worse.”

“Agreed.”

The microwave beeps in time for him to cut the conversation, turning around and packing in another bag with the bakery’s name imprinted on it the croissant. When everything is done, Donghyuck serves it in front of her, their fingertips barely touching when placing it upon her hands. She won’t eat there, that he is sure of.

She parts her lips, as if to say something important, before she looks down at the sweets on her hands. Instead, she spreads her ribcage in a long breath before saying what disappoints him entirely, yet the most fitting thing to say in this situation.

“See you, Donghyuck.”

With that, she leaves. As if nothing happened. At this point, he may start to believe that nothing will ever happen.

Yangyang just had to propose to Eunbyul on Halloween, didn’t he?

The thing is…all would have been alright if he hadn’t decided to involve everyone in his Halloween proposal. It was going to happen at their house, of course, but he wanted it to be in the middle of a Halloween party, with everyone dressed up as the cheapest costume they could find. Yes, that’s precisely Yangyang asked for—because he didn’t want to scare Eunbyul off, he said, but he also wanted it to be in an important date and Christmas was a little too far away—.

Now, the problem was that she wanted to be Wednesday and the costume that she bought online had come two sizes smaller. Instead, she’s left with a dress that doesn’t close behind her and a black coat on top of it to cover up the fact that she can’t breathe completely without feeling the fabric tear a bit. It’s either that or wearing Yangyang’s sexy Spiderman costume, and she doesn’t think it’s a great idea…

The celebration downstairs booms with laughter and the brief sound of music, with the closest family and friends hanging out, but she wants to see her two best friends get engaged.

Okay, she’s getting the dress off.

Though, her own hands and a bit of fidgeting is not enough to get the second skin off. Yes, because this black dress counts as a second skin now. A bit more moving and a few jumps in front of the mirror are interrupted by the door opening, a screech leaving her lips when she sees a man in all black clothing with a pumpkin on his head, with eyes and a mouth carved, but still.

“What the fuck?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The voice is completely familiar. Donghyuck fumbles with the doorknob, eager to get out of the room before she calls out his name. That makes him stop, though he turns around slowly, comical considering he hasn’t taken off that damned pumpkin head.

“I can’t get this dress off and it’s literally killing me. I can’t breathe—” She speaks a little too quickly, huffing when extending her arms behind her back to ease herself from the tightening fabric.

“Alright, I’ll help you. Stop moving.” Donghyuck gets the pumpkin off from his head, tussling his hair up with a hand—light brown strands as of now, long and gorgeous in their messy stance—. He nears her, turning her around and from the view she gets on the mirror of the two of them, his gaze lingers on her back the slightest before he bites his bottom lip. “Would it be okay if we tugged down? I think it has more of a chance of going down your hips than up.”

“O—Okay.” She answers, letting his strong hands settle on the fabric around her waist and tug down, bringing her arms down. “Ouch!”

“It’s moving. Just…stay still. I’m sorry for doing this.” His legs spread when kneeling behind her and she goes where her mind is going, but Donghyuck’s hands keep working on tugging the dress down, the sleeves now off, skin tainted and burning, while her arms spread on front of her chest to cover her bra.

“I hate that I’m in this situation.”

“I’m not looking, I promise.”

“That’s the bad part, I guess.” She jokes around, though Donghyuck doesn’t laugh, looking at her through the mirror before looking up.

“I was about to say something but you’re like half naked—”

“Just say it and get it over with.”

“Don’t play around, that’s all.”

He gives a few more tugs until the dress pools at her feet, her hands clinging onto the coat and spreading it on top of her body like a robe before turning around. “Thank you.” Donghyuck nods curtly, about to put on his pumpkin mask again before she says: “Is it that hard to believe that I find you attractive, Donghyuck?”

He stares at her, blinking slowly, before he raises his eyebrows. Then, his hand finds leverage on his nape. “I mean…you’ve never been into me—”

“In the past, I hadn’t.” She tells him, getting closer and tightening her hold on her coat. “But me going every week to Eunbyul’s bakery has to mean something, right? I miss us, Donghyuck. What we were in those weeks. What we could have been in that night we kissed but…” She trails off. “I don’t want someone who won’t take me seriously and if you do the same as everyone else, I’m afraid I won’t be able to try again.”

She can’t believe that the arrow that Cupid apparently throws had landed on Donghyuck, how he gives a step forward too and looks from her lips to her eyes, down again. “I would never hurt you. Not again.” For some reason, from him, she believes it. He could be his own self, perhaps fights would ensue, but she knows he is the most truthful person she can find.

“I would ask you to promise, but I don’t want to hear any more promises.”

“That’s not wrong,” He spreads his hand on her cheek. “Because if we are going to try this out, I plan to show it to you.”

Her lips connect to his own, relishing on the feeling of his hand dropping from her cheek to her neck back to her nape. Her heart doesn’t hammer, it feels tranquil, with anxiety going out the window as Donghyuck smiles against her lips.

For the first time, she might be called a girlfriend.

And for the first time, she realizes that sometimes love hides in the people she knows, not the people she doesn’t.

#haechan scenarios #haechan x reader #nct scenarios #nct x reader #yuta scenarios #yuta x reader #writing #nct au #nct fluff #nct angst #slice of life!au #haechan au #haechan fluff #haechan angst #long long fic ahead

172 notes · View notes

atlas-library · 4 months

Text

☾ hanaverse ☽ an introduction : lunaire.

fandom: jujutsu kaisen characters: panda (human!panda, amab!panda), okkotsu yūta (amab!yūta), inumaki toge (amab!toge), zen'in maki (afab!maki), itadori yūji (amab!yūji, blasian!yūji), kugisaki nobara (afab!nobara), fushiguro megumi (afab!megumi, wasian!megumi) universe: alternative universe (idol!au, hanaverse!au)

name: lunaire (meaning: lunar, moony, outlandish) fandom name: stellaire (meaning: stellar) lightstick: moony-side up

debut date: september 2023 company: aurora music concepts: badass, cute aesthetics: cyberpunk, y2k, magical girl

LUNAIRE is a J-Pop co-ed group created by Aurora Music. They debuted in September 2023 with a dual concept, mainly inspired by Sucker Punch and Sailor Moon. LUNAIRE has seven members: Maki, PANDA, Yuuta, Toge, Yuuji, Nobara and Megumi.

(Moodboard can be found below the cut, as well as some facts.)

The group comes from a small company, and has Nanami Kento as their manager, as well as the (in)famous Gojō Satoru as their producer. While Nanami is mostly unknown, Gojō is a former idol of one of the biggest 2nd generation graduation groups, as well as a member of the co-ed trio Triple S and the male duo GG (now both disbanded).

'We wanted a group with freshness, with individuals who could show their youth as well as their rebellious side,' the producer told Shin Magazine in an interview. 'We wanted a group that makes people stare and think "Oh, they're odd people alright".'

musical inspirations: xg, stayc, weki meki

LUNAIRE is indeed an odd group, part of the 5th generation of J-Pop (author's note: in this universe, not actual J-Pop), hopping on the trend of co-ed groups and (dreams of) international success. Four out of seven members are foreigners and/or mixed, and all members have good to fluent levels in English.

With powerful vocals and raps, they also have a heavy-focus on fun choreographies, perfect for concerts (and TikToks). Perhaps LUNAIRE's oddest quality is their leaders (plural, yes!).

Maki is the official leader of the group, but also the leader of MOON-D, the dance sub-unit. She's an ex-ballerina, and has been adapting to a more hip-hop style quite fast.

Toge is the leader of MOON-V, the vocal sub-unit. He's an ex-opera singer, and is seen as a prodigy since he started working as young as 16.

Yuuji is the leader of MOON-R, the rap sub-unit. He's an underground rapper, who's taken part in many battles and regularly ranked in the top 3, even bringing some trophies home.

Gojō explained why those three were chosen as the leaders for the sub-units:

'No leader is seen as "the best in their category". Maki and Yuuji are both dancers, but they also come from different dance backgrounds; same goes for Yuuta and Toge— And their tones, as well as Megumi's, are too different for us to fully judge. […] The leaders were chosen based on past experience. All of them —Maki, Toge, Yuuji— have been put in professional situations before, and know how ruthless it can be out there. Because of that experience, we see them as more able than the other members, who truly are rookies, to guide and help them. Maki and Toge, especially, know the scene more than anyone else in the group. Maki started ballet when she was 3, and only decided to become an idol last year, when she was 21. As for Toge, he's been shown the ropes as young as 14; he has many years of experience with the scene, as well as the media.'

Although LUNAIRE having three leaders is already odd enough, that's not all: the members aren't ranked in different categories and with various sub-labels, like the 1st and 4th generation had done (the most notable examples would be now-disbanded WABI-SABI, as well as the famous groups Hanafubuki and BUREIKOU).

Instead, LUNAIRE decides to take inspiration from 2nd generation groups, and only have the basic "rapper", "vocalist", "dancer" labels as their positions. Their team has divided said labels in three "Moons" (to fit with their concept, very reminiscent of sci-fi movies and Sailor Moon).

Moon-D, the dance sub-unit, is made of Maki (leader), PANDA, Toge, Yuuji and Megumi.

Moon-V, the vocal sub-unit, is made of Toge (leader), Yuuta, Maki and Megumi.

Moon-R, the rap sub-unit, is made of Yuuji (leader), PANDA and Nobara.

The usual positions known by K-Pop and J-Pop consumers, "centre", "face of the group" and "visual", were also given to some members.

Maki is not only her sub-unit's leader, but also the group's. She is also seen as a visual.

PANDA, who isn't a real panda but a human hidden in a panda suit, is surprisingly a visual despite never showing his face. Intriguing.

Yuuta is a visual as well, and was given the role of the "face of the group" when the group debuted. After a year and a half, this role will be given to…

… Toge instead, who was chosen for "fitting the dual concept (badass/cute) more". With his doll-like features, he's also been considered an unofficial visual.

Megumi, the youngest member, was given the role of centre. While this role changes depending on the comeback, Megumi is often at the centre of pictures with Maki and Yuuta/Toge, as well as the centre in most choreographies.

When Gojō got asked if the group had a storyline, he laughed and answered:

'Yes, obviously. The storyline isn't something to take too seriously, but it does exist; the group is basically filled with magical girls— Or badass video-game characters. The dual concept is the entire storyline, really: you have a group of young adults who try to make everything bubbly by fighting monsters with cool weapons. Their names are acronyms for all the different powers and abilities they have, and they're able to materialise themselves in a virtual world to make real life better— A bit like Code Lyoko, now that I think about it. It's not a deep storyline, just a fun one that we really liked. PANDA likes drawing a lot, and he showed us panels of different plots he thought of; we just really, really liked them, so we thought about it some more. The point isn't for fans to remember a bunch of terms we made up, or for the lyrics to represent chapters in a bigger story— We just wanted a cute concept, and a badass one— And we had seven young, talented people with a lot of duality. They're sassy, they're quirky, they're bubbly and they're rebellious— We gave them the perfect concept, one that suited them, and honestly, we're just having fun with it!'

In short, stan LUNAIRE.

taglist (ask to be + / - !)

@heartvexer

Feel free to like and reblog; if you wish to be added to the taglist, my comments and inbox are open. My askbox is currently open for any question or opinion. :)

11 notes · View notes

xoteajays · 1 month

Note

tell me all about swanfeathers!! -bibaybe

yayayyyayyyayyy thank you!!!

okie so swanfeathers is an original fic of mine. it’s a bodyguard crush trope story. the main romance is between mirae (bae yoonji) and hyeonsu (woo do hwan), but there’s a whole cast of side characters too that i’m still working on casting and naming everybody send me your fav korean fcs please. i’ve started about 3 different scene fics already.

this thing is gonna be a whole ramble mess tbh. lets gooo

so ahn mirae is 25 and she’s an ex-idol. she was in a duo band called ‘lovish’ with her older fraternal twin, narae (bae yoon young). their stage names were ‘miso’ and ‘nabi’. they debuted a few months after their 18th birthday and were super popular for a handful of years. mirae was the lead dancer and narae was the lead singer, but they were both good at either role; narae was a professionally trained dancer where mirae had natural talent, and narae was more confident to take on more singing lines but mirae had ‘her songs’. when the twins were 23, they were on holiday with their parents and mirae ended up in an accident, landing her with a number of scars, in particular a pretty significant one on the left side of her face. a month after they returned home, lovish released their last song, ‘swansong’, and then went silent on social media for another couple months. mirae then released a video exposing her label for pushing her to get plastic surgery to minimise her facial scarring even after she’d firmly declined, and that another group under the same label - that goes unnamed for the appearance of ‘privacy’ - had been talking shit about lovish, starting before her accident and then even worse after. fans weren’t overly surprised to hear this from mirae since she’d been consistently earnest about her experiences as an idol and had a habit of pushing back against authority; fans had initially recognised this when the twins were 20, and they’d nicknamed that specific lovish era the ‘disillusionment era’ since there were multiple instances of mirae pushing back against her label, for example: refusing to wear specific performance outfits that they were trying to force on her, bts videos of her removing make-up that she didn’t like and refusing to go on extreme diets, etc. some fans respected her for standing up for herself, others thought she had ‘bad behaviour’ and she ‘should’ve known better before getting into the industry’.

since leaving the idol life, narae moved onto modelling, and mirae kind of. plateaued. she joined her sister in some modelling shoots, appeared in some music videos if she liked the songs, took some classes about art history, but mostly didn’t attach herself to anything fully. she found she had more time for archery, a hobby she’d had since high school and that she’d always been an ace at, often complimented for being at a near ‘olympic level’ after years of training.

what went mostly unknown about while mirae was an idol was that she had a stalker. he showed up at nearly every show, every public appearance, at the airport when they were travelling; he once wore a pair of hidden camera glasses to a fan sign that mirae didn’t notice but narae did. the twins had three main social media accounts: their own separate ones and one for lovish itself. the stalker followed mirae’s and would only interact with her content on the lovish account. eventually he started messaging her, he’d send her videos and pictures he’d taken of her. this continued even after lovish was disbanded. when mirae blocked him on everything, he took it further and delivered a package to the twins’ apartment - not through the mail, literally to their door. they contacted the police, but they were pretty unhelpful; she wasn’t ‘actually harmed’, she didn’t know who the stalker was or his real name, ‘what did she expect since she was an idol?’. it happens twice more over almost a year, envelopes full of candid pictures of mirae. then it comes to a head when the stalker attempts to kidnap mirae. narae shows up just in time and beats the guy away, but he manages to escape before the police show up.

the twins’ dad takes the matter into his own hands, finally making the sisters move into a new apartment and hiring a bodyguard for mirae.

enter kang hyeonsu.

hyeonsu is 31 … and has no real idea who ahn mirae or ‘miso’ is, nor what ‘lovish’ is beyond hearing about it in passing from news stories and from his friends who were fans. he claims it’s not his kind of music, and even so, he couldn’t tell you the members of his favourite bands with any kind of certainty. he goes in for bodyguard interview because he’s looking for a new job, and eventually gets hired after a rigorous interviewing process.

mirae does not want a bodyguard. she wasn’t even involved in the interviews because she was hoping her father would just give up. he doesn’t. so she’s stuck with hyeonsu.

when mirae manages to convince her father to let her have ‘one more day of freedom’, hyeonsu goes home and gives in to his roommate’s - and high school friend’s - nagging to tell him who the ‘new client’ was. immediately after being told, his roommate and roommate’s sister go all in, excitedly talking about lovish and groaning because hyeonsu is ‘so out of the loop’. hyeonsu eventually cuts them off, not wanting to pry into mirae’s life. he even considers looking into whatever incident incited the need for a bodyguard to be ‘invasive’.

when hyeonsu accompanies mirae to the gym for her archery training, she mentions her coach also being one of the gym’s boxing coaches and that she wants to ‘see hyeonsu’s skills for herself’. he eventually agrees. seeing him spar is the first crack in mirae’s walls.

she’d thought he was attractive when they’d first met and joked about it to try and break the ice, but now it was becoming a bit of a problem. she keeps it to herself, but eventually confesses to her sister when her crush becomes too much. narae is conflicted about it, wanting to support her sister but also recognising the inappropriateness of it.

the two slowly get closer. he’s impressed by her archery skills; she calls him when she has an anxiety attack while alone at her apartment; she likes being around someone who sees her as more than just ‘miso the idol’; he protects her from overwhelming fans and a shitty ‘friend of a friend’ who attempts to get handsy with her; they talk about their families and childhoods and their own interests. they get attached to each other.

hyeonsu tries to stay professional, to push his feelings down because she’s much younger than him and he was hired by her father, but can feel his resolve slipping with every day he spends with her. mirae kind of gives in to her feelings, but despite how forthright she usually is, can’t find a way to confess. they keep having ‘moments’, toeing the line, but neither are confident enough to make the first move and actually cross that line.

i just have. so many ideas for them.

and they’re both so pretty~~

#bibaybe #tj answers #fic: swanfeathers #aaaaaa THEM!!! ✨✨✨#going insane about them actually

6 notes · View notes

izbelross · 2 years

Text

Chapter 1 of Por la vida que soy libre

A/N: SO!! Here it is, the first Chapter, it will set us on the plot, be careful with the little chats between our protagonists 'cause they might make you believe something will happen but... are you sure it will happen how you expect it? 😏🥰 Btw I am in love with Sam and Bucky being in a relationship and no one can take me out of that fucking ship, thank you 😘 There are gonna be mentions of more characters in the future and appearances, beware. Tell me what you think my unknown friends of the deep fandom internet hole I'll love to read you as well.... and I tried doing reader gender neutral, forgive me if I failed that task.

My first taglist!! ASDFGHJKLÑ

Taglist: @scoliobean 😌🥰

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Black Widow!Reader x Frank Castle Soulmate au!

Warnings: angst ( i think all of my works have angst fuck) / fluff and fluff / enemies to friends to lovers (kinda) / violence, torture ( not that graphic) / character death / happy ending / drama / Very harsh language

Word count: 6,4K

Summary: everyone is born with a soulmate (a/n: wouldn't that be mental?) Soulmates can hear their thoughts since childhood, some others up until they're older. This connection only becomes stable when soulmates meet, but as it can be nourished to bloom into something solid it can also be stopped. Soulmates come with a free choice, you don't die without them, you can learn to live with the one of your choice, free will no matter what. Although those who chose their destined ones can coincide in one thing: "You could never regret it". But when you are raised like a puppet of violence, your free will in every aspect of your life seems to have never existed. Along with your chance of meeting the ones destined for you.

Prologue

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

"What is it they say about destiny? Do you remember? No matter the path, it always ends at the beginning."

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·

The deafening sound of the London streets was a common occurrence at this hour of day. You were pretty sure that even if half the population left, the sound will still be as irritating, just as in every other city with busy capitals actually.

Vendors were trying to lull you to their little shops and a few street singers and dancers were giving life to the dull weather. Some of them wore capes, others barely any clothes to cover them up as how the play required it of them and thankfully for you, this was playing at your favour.

Dressed like one of the actress, you stood --as once did the lover of Shakespeare-- knee length boots, black trousers, white chemise and a long red cape that when you turned it over it became yellow. It was a decent outfit, meanwhile you stood aside the play, watching as a replacement of one of the actors and scanning the crowd in search of your next target.

Was a sad day when one of your lasts contacts betrayed you, selling your name and letting you down in the mud, meanwhile they took what you earned with your own sweat and time, your plan and your ammo.

Second chances were never given from you and nothing else could be say out of it. So, even if they had begged for your understanding, payed you the exact amount and more of what the contract said, you weren't near to trust them again nor let them free of punishment.

They could call you revengeful or a piece of shit that had no compassion. But you had learned by bad experience that not everything could be rose gold and shining and forgivable.

So here now you stood, watching as the crowd stared at the actors, laughing, tearing up with them.

You counted the seconds away from the Restoration of Trust plan. And at exact 3 o'clock, the piercing scream coming from one of the bystanders rippled through everyones ears.

You watched amused as a very drunk man was thrown out of a car by two men that started screaming at him, followed by a beautiful woman -- who you had payed earlier-- that looked beaten and traumatised. They three, started the new spectacle once the taller man spotted your red cloak between the greys and blacks of the crowd. Suddenly, the play wasn't as important to everyone as the poor girl that was crying so loud even some of the workers from the surrounding buildings took a peak outside.

The culprit still trying to come back to his senses, looked from here to there, not understanding what had happened, but as soon as the people around got the point of it the morality kicked in.

It would be a miracle if the man didn't die from all the pushes, kicks and punches from the enraged crowd. Honestly, it was amusing to watch, but you didn't have the time.

Waving a hand at the woman that was now being protected by... well, everyone, you took your leave at her slight nodding.

~~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~~~

Being alone in what was left of this world, after Thanos, after Stark passing away, Rogers choice and- well, Natalia's' dead, meant that the family you made along the way, the family you found after being ripped from your biological one, would never get over the loss of such important members. And it was there, at the eyes of the entire fucking world, that the Avengers were no longer a group to reach, they became more a group to remember.

You would be lying if you said it didn't hurt, that it didn't pain you.

Even more at knowing that for five years your existence had been reduced to nothing and that when you returned, everything had changed, the people had grown, the time had passed and you still were wearing the combat suit in which you dusted away.

"Attention passengers, we'll be arriving soon, please take a seat and fasten your seatbelts"

Upon arriving to the States, the entire point of your travel lost meaning for a moment while you basked in the expanse of the difference between cities, the white of falling snow welcoming you. America would always be an exciting place to visit and wander, from South to Centre and North.

The memories you made plagued your mind. The people still alive that you cared for was still in the surroundings, trying to do good. Helping others that still needed them and guarding each others back. Yelena, Bucky, Sam, Sharon, Wanda, Strange. These were names that warmed your heart with only imagining what they could be up to, if they remember you as well as you did them.

Indeed, America was your home, even if you had been born in any other place, it became your home because your family was still here, waiting for you to come back.

Giving a long, long sigh you waited until getting out of the plane to call your sister.

~~~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~~~~

"Hey красивая" you greeted Yelena just as she answered the call. "I'm on my way home, call the Captain and the Sergeant and tell them not to-"

Suddenly the sound of rustling and 'what the fuck dude!' Followed by more struggling cut you out of words. You rolled your eyes, already knowing who it was making the mess at the other side of the line.

"Hello sweetheart! How's been the most annoying being on the planet?" The purring voice of a man reached your ears and the chuckle hidden on his words made your smile widen.

"Hello to you too Barnes and well, you probably have been sucking Wilson's cock, right?" A snort of amusement and a hearty laugh rumbled all the way to your side of the line, a faint 'Oh yes, he has' made you laugh as well.

Bucky screamed at the voices and then he was back to you "And you shut up too, you leave for ages and the first words you tell me are those? Rude. Here, you deal with them..."

"Wait! Bucky! C'mon, don't be like that! I was joking!" You screamed between your wheezing but he ignored you and Sam's own laughs were your only answer.

"Now I have missed you (y/n)."

"Big Sam! Mi hermano! I have missed you so fucking much too, you all. How's Yelena? She wants to punch you in the face already? Or she waiting for you to give back the phone?"

"Bucky is trying to hold her back with those Mexican candies you sent." You smiled a little at that.

After being away for almost two years with little to non communication, you made sure to at least send two times a year enough presents for them that you bought along your journey, from space --which was a little hard considering you had to leave early given your poor stomach not adjusting to the extraterrestrial food-- and the comings and goings in your sweet, sweet Planet Earth. One of the presents were a lot of different Mexican treats and candies and pastries. Accompanied with carefully detailed instructions in how to cook Mexican food without getting poisoned in the process.

The shipping had been expensive, but you made sure that all the goodies would last them for the entire year or year and a half that you were away. And it had to be enough for the two soldiers, your sister and Sharon, that were the only ones who still had more contact between each other.

"I'll be there soon, I'm actually like two blocks away from home so-" Sam's screamed pierced your ears and you heard a thud before Yelena's voice greeted you with more enthusiasm than normal. She had knock out Sam without doubt.

"(Y/n)! You better get here right now or I fucking swear I'll shoot them- No, Bucky! Those are mine, you metallic slut!" You covered your mouth with a hand so your struggle to not laugh couldn't be heard. "Please (y/n), I can't deal with these monkeys alone and- Oh my god! What the fuck- Just hurry up!" Then she hung up and finally, finally you let out a long string of laughs that made your stomach and cheeks hurt.

The cab turned around and you were relieved to finally see your little home four houses away in the long, long street.

Even if Bucky was tangled with the fairy lights and a big wired deer, both hanging from each side of the chimney that had black smoke coming out in big exhales.

Sam was filming the tries of Sharon at disentangling him without letting him drop or the deer.

And Yelena at the side of the sidewalk and about to cut the string that made weight with the big ass looking deer.

"You sure is here?" Asked you the driver and the feeling of warmth ran through your entire being at answering that yes, those are my idiots.

~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~

"Castle, are you there?" The gentle thud of snow making contact with his large window accompanied Matt tonight. Not many thoughts were in his head but a headache. A constant reminder that last night patrol wasn't entirely healed.

"What'ya need Red?" Answered the man to his head, voice a strong baritone, sign that he wasn't even close to sleepy.

Matt stayed silent for a few seconds, there were a lot of things he needed. Starting for a black coffee that could erase the taste of blood in his mouth or the feel of silk behind his fingers after having to put his hands through broken concrete in search of a girl that was almost buried alive.

But in the meantime, "Tell me 'bout your day."

Frank let out a knowing sound, "It wasn't so different from the others." Murmured, a tinge of shame and tiredness on his voice.

"Didn't expect otherwise."

And so with a long sigh, Frank told Matt the entirety of his todays adventures. From the trail all the way to Canada he had to follow right to the empty radio station on the woods where a man was waiting for him and offered him a hint into one of the helpers for his family's murdered.

"You sure about trusting him?" Said Matt, a frown etched on his injured face. "Doesn't sound like a reliable source if you ask me."

"He knew about Cerberus and The Hand. 'Bout Russo and... and 'bout you, like Daredevil."

The stillness that overcame him was enough to make him forget his injured ribs. "How did-"

"'S'a mutant."

Matt knew what this meant. Frank was going to hunt down these people, whoever they were. And once he found them, then death would be the last thing in Franks mind.

For what seemed like hours neither of them spoke, but on his mind, Matt could hear the soft music coming from Castle's. It was their way of communicating.

Neither of them were good with words, being romantic or sensibles was something that got lost with time. So do the encouraging gestures or speeches they used to say to one another back to when Matt was a student and Frank wasn't a marine. Back when the world seemed to have value or a well drawn line into what they wanted.

But now this was what they could rely on. The soft sound of a ballad or the rhythm in a rock and roll song. The only kind of understatement that they could listen to all day long, while doing their jobs, while going out at night at vigilantes activities. Before going to bed or when the time to visit the cemetery was up to date.

Matt had never spent an entire day with Frank in another way but fighting against bad people. Villains and monsters that lurked the dark. Both of them having become the protectors of those that were in danger. And in those moments, with their soul-bond sighing in relief at their closeness, they never spoke about sensible topics or made a move to touch in a comforting manner the skin of the other.

It was an unspoken rule between them and something they were comfortable at following.

A few seconds of silence passed before Frank spoke again.

"I felt it again," Frank's voice startled him, but before he could ask what, Castle continued. "The pull."

There wasn't needed an explanation for that. The memory was still fresh on their minds, like it was yesterday, when they felt their souls being ripped apart, not from each other but from a third one, a third connection that was calling them with such desperation that they almost got mad with worry and rage and fear.

They couldn't do anything but try to reach that little, tiny cord that was almost broken but persisted, buried deep inside their minds and whoever their third part belonged to.

"I felt it too." Matt cleared his voice, suddenly a dry throat and a heaviness on his mind that mirrored Frank's. "I was at the courthouse when- I felt it more vividly this time, like it almost wanted me to notice."

"Ya think they're closer? Perhaps they feel us too. Pulling to get them."

"I hope so, Frank."

It wasn't of them to talk about their feelings or share opinions about each others lives. But there was a common ground were they two step at the same time, where both Matt and Frank wouldn't venture without the other. They could spent entire nights and days plotting about it, trying to get to a point of understanding and researching non stop until their heads gave up. And it was about their third soulmate.

Back in that day, when the pain radiated out of you and seeped into their minds, they lost all sense of control over their already fallen lives. They had no way of reaching to you, your mind wasn't open, your soul wasn't ready to be with theirs, and from that day on they doubted that it will ever be.

They couldn't search for someone they had never known or talked to or seen. They didn't know the sound of your voice, the world you lived in, your name was a mystery up until today!

"You think they're fine?" Matt's question was one that Frank wanted to say yes to, he wanted to believe with all his heart that whoever their soulmate was and whatever they were doing, they were better than the other times he felt the bond nip at him in a painful way.

But Frank Castle knew better than to wish upon dreams. Frank Castle knew that pain could come in more than physical ways. And not ever once had The Pull being without pain or sadness.

"I don't know, Red." Answered The Punisher, worry lacing his tone, a new heaviness settling in him.

"I'll go with you. To see this man and help you find with the target he gives you."

Castle scoffed "And then what, boy? Ya gonna stop me from getting to them? Think 'bout how it go last time, Murdock."

"I said I'll help you find them, whoever they are. What you do to them is really not my problem, Castle. I've learn that there's no power in this world to stop you from doing your will."

Frank almost laughs at that, there was a very strong power that could stop him from killing those mother fuckers and Matt not knowing it was him, the fucking Daredevil, that had many times unconsciously convinced him to do better was very, very amusing.

"Then better get'ya ass ready, Red. We're leaving in a week."

~~~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~~

Christmas dinner was spend sharing stories of the past, that even if they still hurt, they were welcomed in the tiny living room, lit with candles and warm golden lights. The champagne Sharon brought and her own home made recipe of sweet potatoes and orange turkey was devoured by all of you.

She told you about the entire new team at her disposal and the also new vigilante that everyone called Spiderman and asked you many questions from London, your last stay, the vigilantes from there and if you ever met them in person or worked with them.

The only one that you had contact with was Strange and only in one occurrence. The rest you heard only gossiping; a white masked man or something like that.

Sam and Bucky had an entire drama to tell that lasted almost up until midnight, between Yelena cutting in once or twice to tell you about last year encounter with Clint and Kate, she spent Christmas and New Years there and she confided in you that having a family like that made her tear up a little. It was a home away from home, siblings that treated her like a sister, making fun of her without fearing her, complimenting her looks without wanting anything in return. It was refreshing. It was new and something she wanted you to experience as well. For the New Year you two would call Clint to go there for the upcoming celebration.

And you, you had not much to say that wasn't depressing.

You had been away because Erik needed you. You both wanted to make the world a better place for mutants, but first you needed to make sure the people that were still hunting your fellow sisters and brothers were taken care of, and so you two went on a killing spree all the way from Asia to Africa to Central Europe.

The betrayal wasn't planned but it was expected that, at some point, one of your teammates would fall to the lies of those in power. So you had taken care of each one of the liars and everyone involved.

At the end, Erik thanked you and got to his own way, back to Asia.

You didn't dare speak about all of this at such a happy reunion. They didn't need to know that and you weren't about to ruin the night by confessing that the travel, in search of mutants to aid, had become a hunting for bad people that wanted your entire mutant fellows dead.

That was the end of the night, with you all opening presents and basking in the special little moments of happiness.

~~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~

The morning was cold when you step in your porch, the sun hadn't come out and the lights on the large street were still on, barely giving light to a peaceful white, grey and black morning. The snow ha covered almost every exit at the garage of the houses including your own and you would have to make a new shopping trip in case of a snow in.

You relished on the quite stillness of no one around you, only the cold, cold weather and the occasional chirp of a bird far away.

It was in moments like this when you wondered what would Natalia be doing right now? You liked to imagine how life with her still here would be. Her soulmate was a brilliant person, a truly loyal friend that used to shine upon everyones minds and made the days lighter, even for people like the Avengers.

Natasha adored her soulmate to the point of marrying in secret and gaining the ire of the one and only extravagant Tony Stark. That was an act of love that not even you were sure back then to have accomplished without ending fearing the revenge of the billionaire. You still can remember how Tony didn't stop pestering them both even in their "secret" honeymoon, which he casually invited all of you at the same place where the newly wed couple was celebrating.

Her soulmate, you thought how are they?

Yesterday you didn't dare to ask anyone about them for fear of downing the mood and the fear that came of knowing you haven't cared that much for them since you came back. It wasn't because of a lack of empathy, it was because seeing them and coming back to their shared home where you had been many times hanging out... it pained you.

You still hadn't say your condolences to them or showed up to their doorstep or even asked about them and-

A sudden whisper from a gruff voice made your head rise from the white grass.

You waited in silence just to hear it again. It was a man's voice, you could almost swear you heard someone saying something but you didn't quite catch up the words!

Taking a few steps further, your eyes tried to accommodate to the darkness in front of you. No one was there.

The movement from a bush startled you, but you kept your ground, quickly grabbing the first thing that was at your reach. A pot with a gardenia on it. You kept your gaze steady, your stillness making your other senses come into action, you could almost see the figure of someone right there... between the darkness, the silhouette of long legs and broad shoulders that started to move towards you, a hand that-

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" You let out a scream while turning around and throwing Yelena the pot, which she dodge slapping it away and making a mess of dirt and broken mud all over the front door. "What the hell (Y/n)!"

"You scared the shit out of me Yelena! What the fuck!"

She only grumbled in response trying to clean herself from the dirt on her pyjamas and saying something that you completely ignored, instead turning around and trying to focus again on the spot where the shadow appeared.

There was nothing there.

"Are you even listening? Hell, (Y/n), let's get inside. Jeez."

She turned and entered the house, leaving you alone with her grumbling fading inside the place and your heart still hammering in your chest.

"The next step for us is Clint's home and from there we should be okay with the enormous amount of canned food you bought." Sharon picked one by one the said cans and started placing them inside the cabinets. "You should eat more organics, you could get cancer with this things you know?"

"Talking Bucky out of processed products is like trying to make a dog fly." Said Yelena entering the small kitchen. Bucky smirked, he was in an unusual good mood for being nine in the morning.

"Talk all you want, doll, but the serum would never allow something like that to happen. Besides, I don't like cooking."

"But Sam does like cooking." You said from the stool at the counter. "I can't imagine him eating all this crap, Buck."

"Well, he does have Barnes for snack every day." Sharon mumbled while trying to read the nutrimental values from the pack. Bucky went deep red on his cheeks.

"Okey, that's it. I'm going upstairs."

"No! Bucky! I just came back, don't leave me!" Getting up from your seat you almost begged for him to stay, it was a fun sight; a man so big and feared by many, blushing with the teasing like a teenager. But with him coming from a year where it was uncommon from women to speak like that and he still getting used to it and all, it was actually endearing and understandable.

The teasing came back and forth, Yelena trying to help him understand all your jokes meanwhile Sharon and you tried your hardest to make him blush, giving specifics in how to please men.

Sam entered a little while later, when breakfast was ready and the tone of red in Bucky's cheeks made him arch a brow, Buck only shrugged and send him a wink before continuing eating.

"Sit down, man, Sharon cooked some bacon and pancakes." The Captain looked at you first, trying to gain your attention but you were too lost in your food to notice.

"First there's something you need to see. All of you."

At that, you did locked eyes on his and suddenly it felt very much like when you were all part of the Avengers and a debriefing was given by him, you being told what was the mission and your part on it. That gaze of you probably won't like it but he don't have a choice was one you knew very well.

"What is it?" Sharon took a seat beside you, looking less stressed, just as Yelena. But Bucky knew this man even better than himself and so, he knew that this joyous morning had ended, probably the rest of them as well. You two glanced at each other for a second, returning naturally to Sam's commanding voice.

"Strange sent a message for you (Y/n)" Sam put the envelope on the table, right in front of you.

"For me?"

"It's about Erik Lensherr, he's come back to America."

The air between you and the soldiers turned ice cold in a minute. Even if you haven't told them what exactly you did this past two years, they did knew you were alongside Erik, and he wasn't known for his moralistic tactics.

"He told me he wasn't coming back, not until Charles called him." You took the envelope, opening it with the other, inside were pictures of Erik leaving the airport and going inside a black car, each one of them was taken with a span of few minutes between the ride he made from the airport to the train station, then there were no more photographies. "He said he was going back to Asia."

"Perhaps he changed his mind." Commented Yelena, taking one of the pictures while munching on a piece of well toasted bacon.

"That's not all. He was last seen with a lawyer and his secretary Karen Page, the three of them where seeing entering 'Nelson, Murdock and Page', a law firm at New York. They stayed there for three hours and then only Erik got out. The rest stayed until their normal hours of work."

Sam sent your mobile the information about the entire visit to New York that Erik had made. Apparently he not only didn't tell you about his abrupt appearance but he didn't even let Charles know. He was wearing the helmet all the time, under a very weird looking hat, but yeah, you would recognised that big ass head of his while wearing his helmet at any perspective.

"Strange told me that he went to see him as well and asked some pretty interesting questions about specific people."

"Who did he asked for?" Sharon beat you to ask.

"For (Y/n), although he didn't specify exactly what. Then for some 'The Punisher' and 'The Hand'."

"What kind of names are those?" Sam gave Bucky a pointed look. "What? Its always "The" and whatever it comes next."

"Dude, you were "The Winter Soldier"" Yelena joked.

"And it was embarrassing! Honestly I think HYDRA at least could have come up with something shorter, or at least not as fucking boring." Whined Bucky with energy, Sam was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You could have been called The Hand." Sharon added.

"More like The Arm, I think." You snickered.

"We are not discussing that!" Shouted a very annoyed Sam, and your entire group tried to sniffle your giggles. "You," he pointed at Bucky that stopped cackling and gave him a seducing grin. "Go to your room and get ready for a mission." Bucky stoped grinning at him.

"What? Excuse you but- I'm the victim here, between these two," He screamed pointing at you and Sharon.

"Barnes, I swear, if you don't move your ass I'll make you." That was a actually the wrong thing to say because the ex-assassin only smirked and was about to give Sam a witty comeback when he started speaking again. "And because if you do not, then you'll sleep on the couch for an entire season."

"YOU WOULDN'T!"

Sam only crossed his arms and the pinch on his brows grew deeper, seconds tick by with Yelena still eating and enjoying the spectacle. Sharon and you were containing with a lot of effort the giggles.

After a few more seconds Bucky finally broke."Fine! But don't expect me to forget your alliance with the little gremlings!"

Bucky left the kitchen and his steps could be heard all the way to the guests room he shared with the Captain.

"He's so wiped." Murmured Sharon and instantly Sam's attention was on her. The blonde went rigid.

"Now you and you," he pointed at Yelena as well "need to get information about the firm that Erik went to. Don't get caught." They shared smiles with raised brows, it was kind of insulting for Sharon and Yelena, but at the heaviness in the air when Sam's attention shifted towards them, they let it slip and abandoned the kitchen. Murmured "see yas" and "byes" left at their path.

Now with you two alone, the entire weight of the situation started to make you sweat. The implications this would have with them and your new re-gotten life.

"Why you didn't tell us? Or at least one of us?" Your gaze dropped to the kitchen counter, hands fidgeting on the cold marble. "Why is he going around asking about you?" A barely heard "i don't know" came out of your lips but even for your ears it was obvious it wasn't an entire truth.

"We're family, (Y/n). We are the only ones left and we have to trust in each other. We need to trust in each other. If not... then- if not then we're not better than before and we all know how that went."

Sam's voice never raised an octave or got lower to a threatening level. It was soft like always, with that tint of understanding even if it was hurting him knowing you hid your real motivation. That was the worst part of it, the trust that he put into his words, behind the thinking that you knew this and understood, it didn't matter that you didn't took it into practice, but the thought that he trusted in you with this ideal, that he believed in you as if you didn't just hide such an important part of your trip to them, that was what cut deep through your chest.

"Sam's right, doll." You took a quick glance at both men, Buck crunched down on the doorway, trying to strap correctly his boots, Sam taking a seat in front of you, sipping from the coffee Yelena surely didn't finish. "We made that mistake many times for us not to learn from it."

Bucky stood up and send you wink, not giving you a chance to say something. "Just think it through, it's hard letting yourself be aid by others, trust me, I would know 'bout it." You smirked at that. "But we all gotta learn somehow, right?"

"Yeah"

Sam looked at you with the hint of a smile, the conversation finally settling in with the calming presence of this two, only disturbed by the sound of your ringtone. Taking your mobile, you arched a brow at the unknown number shining from the screen.

"Who's that?" Asked Bucky.

"No idea" was your murmured response right before taking the call "Who's this?" On the other side of the line the sound of wind got your attention. The soft spoken voice of a woman was soon to greet you.

"(Y/n)?" You didn't dare to answer, her voice sounding alarms in your head, you recognised that voice, you had heard her somewhere, but... the memory just didn't come at you. "Am I talking to (Y/n/ln)?"

"That's me. Who's this?"

"My name is Karen page," your eyebrows rose and Bucky, blessed his enhanced hearing, looked at you in surprise and whispered rapidly at Sam, letting him know who exactly was calling you. "I'm a secretary at Nelson, Murdock and Page's firm, I'm calling for the recent change requested by Erik Lensherr who has come to acquire new documentation in which we will need your assistance for the fulfilment of the last procedure. Can you confirm your assistance for December 28? Or if you wish to reschedule, can you let me know of the date best suited for you?"

You stared off into the distance for almost two minutes, Sam, fearing you were having an attack, kicked your leg under the counter, making you yelp in pain. " (Y/n/L/n)?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here."

"I'll really appreciate if you could give me-"

"I'm sorry, Miss Page," you interrupted "but what exactly is the last procedure? The new- uh, new documentation?" The woman on the other side didn't hesitate when she answered.

"His will, (Y/L/N), you are to sign as the first beneficiary of Mr. Lensherr's will."

~~~~~~~o.o~~~~~~

"It's not funny, Barnes."

Bucky sitting beside you on the back of the car groaned in annoyance. "C'mon, doll, it's fucking hilarious! Now all we have to do is kill the bastard."

"Ugh."

You turned your head, ignoring all the different ideas for the "Getting granpa's will" operation that Sharon, out of the good of her heart provided you with. Sam was driving in the front, the copilot seat banned from everyone, including Bucky, after some pranks that almost got all yourselves into a massive crash on the free road.

Yelena went to the her secret dungeon, where she could easily find the right people and dig further into the lives of Nelson, Murdock and Page. Every little detail that could help in case of... well... it's not that you and the soldiers were paranoids or something, it's just that every thing needs to come with a plan B.

Now you were reaching the building of the firm, a little cornered place need the river, tiny and between more bigger buildings that surely stopped the sun to reach it, but you imagined, since it's kinda new for what little information you scraped, it's obvious that it wouldn't be as big as other firms.

Sam pulled up in front of the door and shutting off the car you all headed inside.

The first glance at the short stairs was like a living nightmare for Bucky and you, flashbacks of- of a very tortuous past coming back. Still you kept climbing until a door welcomed you with the names written on the glass. "This place needs maintenance." Said Bucky.

"All this neighbourhood, you mean." You raised your eyebrows at Sam who knocked on the door, apparently very amused with his little joke. "Shut up, children, and you better behave or else no going to the park later."

Bucky's shoulders slumped and he send you a look , "Are you pretending to talk to dogs or kids?" "Bucky, shut the fuck up, will ya?" The Captain snorted and you could swear you heard someone laughing inside as well.

There was some thrashing behind the door that now the three of you heard before the door swung open revealing a pretty blonde with a soft smile and there goes your heart running, you just couldn't function in front of beautiful people, and you thanked for the first time in your entire existence that your training as a widow helped you remain stoic and gentle. "Good afternoon, I'm Karen Page, we spoke on the phone."

She extended her hand looking at you "Miss Page, I'm (Y/n/l/n) and they are Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes." Karen obviously recognised the two man standing with you, if she was scared or amazed, she didn't show, instead made you come in inmeadiatly being greeted with no other than the man from the previous photographs. "Foggy Nelson," said the blond man, shaking your hand, he was really cute and seriously you should stop ogling people.

He gave you a professional smile and you walked aside to the second lawyer standing behind the table, with his hands on a cane and that told you everything you needed to know about his condition.

He as well extended his hand and you took it, giving a firm shake "I'm Matthew Murdock, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Like being dragged by a wave at the ocean you felt your brain being turned over and thrown to the rocks, with multiple ideas, so many memories trying to resurface, hidden behind your soft "Pleasure's mine" and calm movements while taking a seat. In front of you, Matt was fidgeting with his hands, minimal gestures that no one noticed, not even you that were about to have a mental breakdown for some unknown reason.

"So," Foggy clapped his hands, getting everyone's attention. "Let's get down to business."

The lawyer started talking about the papers in front of him, signalling some to which you nodded, without paying attention and noticing this he started talking to Sam.

You didn't know what was happening, what you were feeling. This pressure in your chest and a longing that dragged you into the ocean, more into the deep waters, it was just like that day, when you were screaming internally, without voice.

The room felt too small, the air coming from the windows not enough to breath.

"Matt?" Foggy's voice didn't even faced you, but still your eyes traveled to said lawyer, sitting still, hands under the table clenching and unclenching and his eyes hidden behind those red glasses, glazed over. Foggy's mood change, not giving a single fuck that you, their new clients, were sitting right in front of them. "Matt, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

His friend blinked once, twice and suddenly he got up on his feet looking at the three of you intently for a few seconds. When his eyes found yours the turmoil inside your chest wanted to combust you alive but you tried to will it to stop. "Matthew, what is it?" Asked him Page this time.

He didn't answer, just shook his head and stormed out of the room, not even daring to look back or apologise.

The five of you were silent for a long time, that continued into and awkward laugh of Karen "Uh, heh- He, uh, he does that sometimes. Don't worry." Chancing a quick look at her you she cleared her throat. "Foggy?"

"Yeah, right, uhm... we should continue."

Bucky turned to look at you, hearing a little the change in you breathing and letting Sam handle the situation at hand. "You okay?" Your gaze found his eyes and suddenly you were back with Natalia and Yelena, three teenagers locked up on the limits of the world, surrounded by chaos and not knowing what to do, how to react. "I don't know."

#frank castle x reader #matt murdock x reader #daredevil fanfiction #frank castle x matt murdock #matt murdock x frank castle #soulmate au #fratt x reader #frank castle #matt murdock #frank castle x reader x matt murdock #matt murdock x reader x frank castle #Por la vida que soy libre #izzi works

142 notes · View notes

jknerd · 11 months

Text

DISNEY STUDIO AU: Powerline

Full Name: Kyle J. Macken

Other Names: Powerline (Stage name)

Occuaption(s): Singer, songwriter, dancer, record producer

Residence: Indiana, USA

Family: Mr. Macken (father), Mrs. Macken (mother), 8 siblings (unknown)

Relationships: George G. Goof (role model), Maxine Goof (fan)

Likes: Dancing, singing, social working, interacting with his fans/children, cartoons, Goofy’s shows/performances, Wings’ Winks/Glory B’s songs

Dislikes: Overwhelming schedules, paparazzis

Abilities/Talents: “Irreplaceable” singing and dancing, charisma, analyzing observation, 5 foreign languages

Kyle J. Macken, AKA “Powerline”, is a globally famous pop star. He is the idol/celebrity crush of Maxine Goof and majority of her peers, heavily regarded as one of the greatest musicians in genres pop, soul, R & B, rock, disco, dance-pop, techno, and so on. Other than his musical career, he engages in social works; most likely participating in social services to help the disabled and the orphans, occasionally donating as well. Currently, he is also a record producer of “Powerline Recordings”. Throughout, he has released total of 40 songs.

He was known for having his parents and 8 siblings. Being the youngest of working-class family, he was isolated and alone most of the time until he stumbled upon television channels showing the series and performances of Goofy. With Goofy as his role model and one of few that made his childhood happier, Kyle decided to pursue a career of entertainer/performer since then. Initially began as lounge/club performers, he was discovered by the recording agencies and was scouted to becoming a teen idol. His first song “GO - I’m Falling Out of Love” has become a hit, and has released more popular songs. Whenever he felt down, he would visit the broadcast channel to watch Goofy’s performances and shows, listening to songs of Wings’ Wink and its lead vocalist Glory B. At one point, he expressed his condolences when Glory B passed away. During Maxine and her friend PJ’s pre-teen years, Powerline has sang several openings and endings of popular cartoons/series as the two developed great admiration of his songs.

In Maxine’s teen years, Powerline has released his two songs “Stand Out” and “I 2 I” that has made simultaneous hits. Maxine listened to the song and realized her crush Rox shares common admiration for Powerline. With an idea, she decided to impress him by her performance of “Stand Out” for last day of school. During the process, she analyzed Powerline’s vocal structures of songs, choreography and stage manners before self-coaching and rehearsing as her two friends PJ and Barby would set the cameras and projector for the last day of school pep rally. The result lead to Maxine become increasingly popular when she performed “Stand Out” as later, Rox complimented her performance. In addition, Stanley was holding a party where she invites many students to watch Powerline’s concert live pay-per-view on TV. Although Maxine was thinking of going to the party with Rox, she was disappointed to learn of her dad already planed a week-long trip with her and Jr, losing a chance to be with Rox. On the other hand, Powerline was informed by his manager that in his concert at Los Angeles, California, he would perform with a guest star but didn’t tell exactly who. At Saturday evening where the concert took place, Powerline performs for wide scale of audiences but was briefly in state of surprise to see Goofy joining onstage in a middle of his song “I 2 I”, finally realizing he was the guest star dancing with. In addition, Goofy’s daughter joined along in a performance. Shortly after, Maxine and Jr had a chance to meet Powerline backstage by Goofy and the said singer’s manager, surprising both when hearing him actually a great fan of their father’s performances/series. As Goofy asked for his autograph in behalf of his daughter, Powerline delightfully accepted.

In the aftermath, Powerline watched the filmed video of Maxine’s “Stand Out” performance during the assembly uploaded in the social media, and was impressed of her singing voice and choreography. At the same time, he found her singing voice sharing uncanny resemblance with Glory B. Years later, in Maxine’s college years, it was revealed he had founded his recording company “Powerline Recordings” and has been looking for potentials with great talents. He was seen looking at Maxine’s videos of song covers and choreography with interest.

#Goof Troop #Goof Troop AU #A Goofy Movie #A Goofy Movie AU #An Extremely Goofy Movie #An Extremely Goofy Movie AU #Powerline #Disney Studio AU

30 notes · View notes

mymanyfandomramblings · 7 months

Note

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 for Dipper and Pacifica

🎶💝 for Pacifica

👗🥇for your OCs

Okay, let's go:

Up first we have gender and sexuality headcanons for Dipper and Pacifica. I don't actually have too many headcanons on this general topic, as it's just not something I frequently headcanon about tbh. I do headcanon that Dipper and Pacifica have a running joke that she's not allowed to date Mabel if they ever break up, but whether that's a possibility is unknown to me (yes, I will occasionally write things that are ambiguous even to me). That is all I have to say on the subject, unfortunately.

Next, for Pacifica, we have music and also love languages. Good questions for Pacifica actually. She's an extremely talented pianist and has had classical vocal training, however for her there's very little passion in either of these things, as (like many of her other talents), she is very technically skilled, but her primary association is rigorous training purely for the purpose of winning competitions. Once leaving her parents, she rarely uses her musical abilities, although she does every now and again practice piano as to not lose her ability to do so.

On the topic of her love language, it's quality time. It is not merely enough to tell her that you care about her, because if you don't follow through and spend time with her, and show her you care that way, she'll naturally begin to doubt. This is, of course, a result of her upbringing, and the fact her parents very rarely made an ongoing effort to show that they care for her.

Then for the OC's we have headcanons about clothes, and also about what they're best at. I'll break it down:

First up, clothes:

Maisie likes outfits that are good for running around in the woods in, and she loves to accessorise with homemade pins. She also wears a fair bit of pink.

Violet doesn't care that much about fashion, however, she does like her clothes to match, and she likes to look put together. She almost always incorporates a bit of purple into her outfit.

Alexander's favourite outfit is a Mystery Shack T-Shirt and board shorts, with a flannel over the top, and the very old, dishevelled and tired pine tree cap (he has been offered a brand new cap, and even gifted one, by Soos, however Alexander insists on the old, tired and dishevelled one)

Ariel loves any outfit that attracts the eye. Bright colours, loud patterns, bold cuts, sparkles, and lots of accessories are her thing, although she's a little more conscious about cohesion that Mabel (Mabel's tendency is ALL the colours and patterns ALL of the time). Ariel also has a wonderful collection of sweaters.

Now, what they're best at:

Maisie is good at talking to people. She's very friendly, enthusiastic and very protective over her loved ones. She's also got an excellent attitude, and is a valued part of her soccer team.

Violet is the 'traditionally talented' one in the family. She gets excellent marks at school, particularly for maths, and is also a formidable minigolfer, very good tennis player (with Maisie) and a talented gymnast.

Alexander has excellent recall for slight turns of phrase, little details and weird facts, as well as a good deal of what Dipper calls 'Trembley wisdom', which in Gravity Falls is always useful. Alexander also, thanks to his somewhat unconventional outlook on the world, is very good at identifying codes and ciphers, and is better than his siblings at that specific field.

Ariel's talent is musical theatre. She's a good singer and dancer, and a very good actress. Her acting abilities have leaked over into her life, and she's also a natural show-woman, as well as a very natural liar (which is a less desirable talent, but it comes in handy). She's also a good mechanic.

#gravity falls #ask answered #dipcifica #ocs

7 notes · View notes

fukuwatchesbl · 9 months

Text

OFTS Ep1 - Stringed throughts

Let's just dwell in. It's long, so under a cut.

so we have: Mew as table keeper, Yo (❤ Jennie) as bar owner, Cheum the dancer, Sand the singer, Ray the drunkard (or maybe the burden from this translation note), Top as top tier (the translation pun is not lost on me), Boston the hunter

interestingly, Nick is not introduce in the context of the bar.

Ray is a moody drunker, not my favorite kind by far... also your jealousy is showing, sir

that wristband system intrigues me: white single, green free to hit on, red taken... any other colors? is it a special night thing?

Cheum was wearing red 👀 and Ray's color isn't visible

Boston, you're such a slut (affectionate)

love the opening sequence (was title kirati in the trailer? at all?)

they're never getting an A, or if they do it'll cost them their friendship (or both...)

the teacher pointing out how it won't work is incredible foreshadowing

one braincell, and Cheum holds it most of the time, right?

for a sec, I thought Nick would be the designer

Nick knows who is Boston. He seems pretty sure they're the same age. btw is it an inside joke that mark looks younger than neo, even though he's older?

Jojo's music choices are always on point

Mew doesn't drive and doesn't drink. I like that

Ray = designated drinker

Is Cheum family related to hotel industry? Top's is

Boston's plan of bringing in Top is gonna backfire so hard

do boston and ray not like each other much? that the second time I get this feeling

the pressure to lose one's virginity... sigh

i feel top has started to feel exhausted of one night stands, could explain why he got so into mew from the start

boston don't be such a snob about mew's music taste (honestly this attitude always rub me the wrong way, it's personal, sorry)

so who's the next guest who'll hook up with boston (hi drake!)

Sand, your conscientiousness will loose you

what's an airport taxi fare like in thailand? (I'm actually curious because it's regulated for paris airports)

did I already mention Jojo' musical choices?

also does that count as the belt trope?

give me khaotung's single now!

top: I love your room, it looks like you - mew: it's impersonal a fuck and you don't know me

mew may be a virgin, but he is not naive or a prude, he knows very well what's the implication of inviting top in his room

the only trouble is he doesn't want sex for sex

is it the first time someone said no to top? that must be the most surprising experience ever for him

nick... what you're doing is unethical, and also probably illegal

mew: i'm only red flags - top: i only see green

no but seriously, what mew describes is something top never had

wondering if ray's experience feels real to people who have had a blackout

"did we have sex?" -> Sand was so insulted, like who the fuck do you take him for Ray?

mew and top prolonging the night with a date at the library, that would be nice if not for all the mess to come

Ray being distressed because he didn't sleep home. is it just about waking up somewhere unknown?

why mew doesn't want to say who he is with?

also that belt-induced frustration... been there done that

who the hell owns that mobile phone shop? where are you? how did you not walk on your employee having sex with a client? so many questions

top inserting himself in all the groups activities, ew

I honestly had to google PM 2.5, I only know them as fine particles

does Ray know boston and top hook up? or at least suspect it?

and does boston know ray has feelings for mew?

honestly their dynamic is so screwed up, it's hard to think of them as friends, and it makes so much sense how it's going to become a mess

ray leaving right when top arrives. the only way he could be clearer is by actually saying he doesn't like him

sincere apology... that was an unexpected nice touch

Sand don't burn yourself

why is top giving me brian kinney's vibe? is it just me?

please don't sing... thank god... but also wtf, it's literally been a week.

See you next week

#only friends the series #fuku watches ofts

8 notes · View notes

yuriprince · 19 days

Note

hii id love to know more abt ur octopath ocs .. would they be like the 8 cast members of a third game ? what do u think their beginning chapters would be like? (@dmclr)

hi clara!!! yess i would love to talk about them 👀

so yeah they would be like a new full cast of a third game. not in the same continents as the last two games either. i actually made a map of what the continent would look like!

i wanna try and update it at some point

and i don’t really have a whole lot in regards to chapters but i have their main story arcs down.

orietta is my merchant. she’s kinda like a robin-hood-type con artist, where she only targets rich people in order to give back to the poor.

camil is my scholar. she’s also my octopath 2 oc but i use her here too. she’s fresh out of university but she got afflicted by a curse that will kill her in exactly one year. obviously she’s trying to find a way to break it.

tybalt is my apothecary. he’s also my octopath 1 oc but i use him here too. he’s a former knight in training but abandoned that to become an apothecary and adventurer.

oliver is my dancer. he’s more of an actor and singer tbh but whatever it counts. he used to be part of a thespian group but he decided to go solo in order to build up his confidence.

penelope is my warrior. she’s part of a secretive elven race of people who got pushed up to the north by the humans. she’s trying to act as an ambassador of the elves to foster peace among the people.

andreas is my hunter. he’s part of a group of nomads who follow a wind spirit. that spirit went missing one day, and he’s trying to find it. he also has a dog named glen :)

twyla is my cleric. she’s on a mission to clear the name of her best friend who’s been accused of being a heretic. this has also caused her to struggle with her faith.

and hawkin is my thief. he’s the heir to the casimir crime family, and has been tasked with stealing a mysterious artifact from an unknown ruin. and if he doesn’t his dad’s gonna kill him. so that’s cool.

#orietta 💰#camil 📚#tybalt 🌱#oliver 🎭#penelope ⚔️#andreas 🏹#twyla 🌊#hawkin 🔪#tea time! with guests!

6 notes · View notes

gillianthecat · 1 year

Text

Thoughts While Watching Boys Planet: in which I discuss the contestants, muse over K-pop and reality tv, and go off on many tangents

Reality TV here I come! I don’t watch it that often, but I don’t avoid it. The main things I’ve watched at any length are Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance (but mostly only watching routines, I don’t think I’ve seen many full episodes) and the Great British Baking Show. So basically I watch dance and low stakes fun competitions. (I can’t stand any lifestyle or dating reality tv, it makes me sooo uncomfortable on behalf of everyone involved and I have to hide away.)

The most recent reality tv thing I watched was probably my favorite. After The Untamed I got into a Xiao Zhan phase and watched the singing “competition” show he was in Our Song,which was lovely and non-stressful because everyone was already a working professional singer at various stages of their career, so a) they all sounded good and knew how to put on a good show, and b) it felt like they were all going to be just fine, no matter what happened. There wasn’t the angst of contestants’ dreams dying when they get eliminated, as I suspect will be the case for Boys Planet.

I don’t know a ton about K-pop, although I’ve absorbed some stuff through tumblr and the general atmosphere. I do feel like this could be, in an oblique sort of way, a useful introduction to the K-pop industry for me. Not that I think they’re going to present an accurate picture of what it’s like, but I find that I can learn a lot through the stories that they try to show, and the things that slip through the cracks, and all the assumptions made. My impression of the industry is that it is very competitive, and an intense, heavy-workload training process that starts way too young, and that idols are under heavy pressure to look and present themselves a certain way. So actually a lot like the ballet world, and I’m a big fan of ballet, but for some reason young K-pop idols make me more worried. Perhaps because they seem so much more exposed, the K-pop audience is enormous and these kids are hoping to get famous fast, whereas even the Maria Khorevas and Isabelle Boylstons of ballet stay pretty safely unknown to most of the world. Yes, the training is unhealthy in many ways, but at least the reward for it isn’t losing your private life.

Caveat before I get into the show itself: the contestants are all really good dancers, much better than me. If I sound judgmental sometimes, well, that’s because I’ve watched a lot of top level dancers of a variety of styles, and have developed Opinions. Are the Opinions necessarily accurate or fair? No, but I still have them.

Like @petrichoraline, I get stressed out when the judges are mean, and worry about the contestants being exploited for their dreams. So many of them are still teenagers! With these kind of things, especially with the contestants so young, I actually tend to hope it’s more staged than not, because that feels more protective of these idol hopefuls; their raw selves aren’t hung out for everyone to see.

The beginning is cute with us discovering the Boys Planet world and how things work with these two dorky contestants who only feel worthy of one sticker star. They feel like the plucky wide-eyed farm boys setting off on an adventure in a fantasy novel. I wonder if they’re hear just for this role—with NINETY-EIGHT! (sorry I still can’t get over it) contestants, and I think half of them being eliminated right away (?) there must be some of them who are just here bascially as seat fillers, or reaction shots, who knowingly don’t have a chance, right? Just to make things easier for the judges/audience voting. I just hope that those contestants know that that’s their role and aren’t getting their dreams crushed by surprise.

I’m not a big fan of this editing choice of all these double takes. It’s distracting and I keep feeling like it wastes time when there are NINETY-EIGHT contestants to go through. I’m generally not a fan of the quick cuts and constant switches to reaction shots—I want to see them perform—but I realize that’s just a part of how reality tv is done. And it’s true that some of the reactions are great.

With NINETY-EIGHT idol hopefuls, there is no way to keep track of everyone and I am already lost. It doesn't help that so many of them, especially in the K Group, are dressed so similarly. I am glad for my sake that they’re at least organized into groups by… agency? training school? I’m not exactly sure what their relationships to these corporations are, although I have heard of many of them. I’m also glad for the contestants' sakes they’re in groups, that seems a lot less terrifying than doing a solo. Also, frankly, group performances are usually better, a solo performer needs a lot of charisma to hold the stage alone.

I feel (sort of) qualified to evaluate their dancing, but not at all their singing. I am giving their voices a lot of leeway. I know in music videos the voices are recorded separately from the dancing, get a lot of processing before being released, and I suspect it’s true to some degree or another (from instantaneous digital enhancement to full on lip-syncing to a prerecorded track) of all the live professional performances. Here it sounds like they’re not getting any of that, we’re just hearing their unmodified singing, and while they’re vigorously dancing, which is really hard! So I know it’s not going to sound “professional,” but I don’t know enough about singing to be able to evaluate their raw voices.

I’ve paused halfway through to type this up, and I’m trying to remember who I’ve seen already. I’ve mostly lost track of our original duo; it seems the show has dropped them as guides.

There is the Last Contestant, Lee Hoe-taek, already a K-pop idol, just back from military service. Being largely ignorant about Kpop bands, I’m not sure if he was a Big Deal or in a small band most people don’t know, but either way his big dramatic reveal at the end was entertaining. All the contestants sure seemed to recognize him and be shocked that he was there.

I always suspect with these things that the company knows going into it pretty much who they want to hire. I mention that now, because I’m guessing Lee Hoe-taek is here to either to anchor the group that forms at the end, and so is definitely getting in, or is just here to provide veteran (no pun intended) presence in the competition, and is definitely not getting in, because they want a group full of young unknowns.

On the other hand there is audience voting, so… are they manipulating it somehow? Or are they actually going to abide by audience choice? (It’s possible there are rules I could look up. But I’m just gonna speculate instead.) I suppose if they don’t care so much about the group produced but just the competition to get there that would make sense. I am very intrigued about what this show is trying to do, especially given the Korea vs. the rest of the world framing, which they occasionally play up. The message seems to be, “We in Korea are the originators of Kpop and have training down to a science and therefore are the best at it” but also, “Isn’t it exciting how far K-pop has reached and how many people want to be a part of it like us.” They’re not hitting us over the head with it (so far), but some of the judges masters’ comments are implying that. But I also don’t feel qualified to talk about what’s going on in the international cultural politics of it all, other than to notice it’s very present.

And of course there is also that time honored method of audience vote manipulation: editing! Which they’re already using extensively (they really have no choice with NINETY-EIGHT contestants) so perhaps they’ve a short list of candidates they want for the final nine and are willing to let the votes work out the details. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if Lee Hoe-taek selflessly pulls out at the last moment to give a younger contestant a chance, or something like that.

Where was I? Oh yes, the contestants. First up was the K Group quartet from Jellyfish, presenting themselves as extremely confident (they each took seven stars stickers!) which felt put upon to me, like someone (Jellyfish? BP producers? the boys themselves?) decided that would be their “brand.” Like their swagger didn’t feel natural, but who am I to say. Anyways, I thought they were quite good! And the fact they didn’t get 4 stars, and others did, had more to do with the story the show wants to tell, either the Jellyfish group’s redemption from being down, or some complicated politics about K Group vs. G Group, than it did with the actual talent of the contestants. But also, it’s hard for me to evaluate the dancing with all the quick cut editing, and I can’t speak on the singing at all, so the judges masters could be seeing something that I’m not. They did go quite hard, and that one master made a good point about needing some nuance, needing to let the voices be heard. It just seemed Jellyfish was being held to a higher standard than others. I’m not personally super into their style, but they’re very skilled. Park Gun-wook seems to be getting the main character treatment, with his solo and all.

Next up: Team WakeOne from G Group. From Japan, I think? I forgot the details, I have to re-watch. They start with this little warm up thing, I think they’re trying to make themselves stand out with it? I don’t really get it tbh. But in the actual performance they’re also quite good. One of the things I was worried about going into this show was that there would be a lot of embarrassing flailing around on stage, but so far everyone shown seems very competent and well trained. It really does feel like a nearly professional level group, ready to transition to being an actual idol. I guess that’s the difference with SYTYCD, which had people from so many different dance backgrounds trying on new styles; here everyone has trained for this specific job they’re going for. I don’t have other thoughts on this group specifically, the edits are too fast for me to really evaluate other than “they know what they’re doing.” Oh, right! Haruto was the ballet dancer. Thirty fouettés. In socks! I’m very impressed (even if he no longer has a ballet dancer’s form.) He is a very expressive performer though. And the first all-star!

Next: Ah yes, the four from Taipai, with the contemporary-trained extremely flexible main dancer. I don’t remember much about them other than they were also very competent. And the contemporary dancer was quite skilled (even though I don’t particular enjoy that style of meaningless trick based competition style “contemporary” choreography that he did). But it impressed everyone, so that’s what counts, and luckily for me that will probably be the only time I see it here. And it got him all-star! They do love their cross-trained classical dancers, lol.

Oh this part was kind of odd. Next up was a duo from Vietnam, another from Thailand, and four from China… and they just sort of talked around their performances? I thought they were building up to a big reveal, but it seems like they did poorly and so the editors just decided not to show them? I do appreciate on one level if they’re protecting the candidates from embarrassment. But in the tiny clips they showed they seemed reasonably competent. Perhaps the big reveal will come later. They are getting the hardworking underdog with big dreams treatment, so I can’t imagine they’ll disappear just yet.

Ah the Americans! My countrymen. I wasn’t intending to be all patriotic, but Jay is kind of adorable. As that other contestant said, he has amazing reactions to everything. I was racking my brains for who he reminded me of: it’s Zeng Shun Xi, who played Wu Xi in Ultimate Note, especially when he smiles. These two are also well trained, danced well and sounded good. They seem more singing focused; I think the choreo was simpler compared to the others, the voices more highlighted. And Jay uses his face wonderfully! I’m totally charmed. I have a variety of thoughts and feelings about non-black people doing hip hop, and their style felt especially… imitative of R&B somehow? idk, I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But the influence of black hip hop and R&B on Korean music and dance is another large (and fascinating) conversation I don’t know enough to say much useful about. I guess the fact that he’s from the US makes it stand out to me more here.

And Jay gets another all-star! Poor other American, in Jay’s shadow. I do wonder how everyone feels about getting separated from their original group, as some get eliminated, as I imagine is going to happen. Have they worked together long, or were they thrown together just for this? I’m not “shipping” any of these people, but I can also see how these situations are rife with drama for good stories. I understand why Cheewin set part of War of Y in an idol competition show—so much potential here!

Halfway through! I’m impressed if you’re still reading my ramblings; I’m not really sure why I have so many thoughts about this show that I want to share, but I do.

Eavesdropping on the “private” conversations as the contestants are on break. I’m just assuming (hoping) that they know they’re being recorded. The chatter is about what you’d expect, admiration about how talented and good-looking every is, worry about how they’re doing. It’s a bit boring, but I hope the show continues to mostly avoid interpersonal drama.

The annoying thing about competition shows is that the contestants are forced to come up with these inane and vaguely xenophobic statements like “Group G can’t beat Group K. Why? Because are roots are different.” Just to build up the “rivalry.”

Ok! Now we’ve got the two groups from YueHua! And Gasp! They end up doing the same piece. If they were from different companies I would acknowledge the possibility of coincidence. But I can’t image YueHua wouldn’t know, so it has to be intentional. All the better to make comparisons! Group G YueHua is full of charming bluster, and both seem at the top level in terms of training and skills, but, sorry Global group, the Korean team wins this round. That 16 year old dancer everyone is fawning over really is very good. But I don’t think Group G Yuehua is going anywhere; they’re all too charming to be kicked off yet. (And here’s the “and ollie.” of that first post I reblogged! I’m still awaiting the “heterophobe” with bated breath.)

Oh yes, the violin! No one’s even listening, lol, there just impressed he can play! Which I am too, tbh. (I do wonder what twosetviolin from youtube would have to say about it, is he any good?) Zhang Hao gets himself an all-star with that and his high notes.

Ok, but I love 29 yo Lee Hoe-taek’s reaction when Han Yu Jin says he was born in 2007. Me too buddy, me too. (I just googled, he was actually FIFTEEN in the English way of counting age when this was filmed. He turned 16 last week. Holy shit.)

OMG. I just checked and that contestant who looks so much like the actor from Roommates of Poongduck 304 IS that actor. Kim Ji Woong. I kept thinking they looked so alike whenever the camera focused on his reaction (as it often does) and then I remembered I’d read there was a BL actor on the show.

Anyways, onward. Ricky and Zhang Hao are more nervous watching their Korean label-mates than the were performing themselves, but I can’t tell if it’s because they want them to do well or are worried they’ll beat them. Do the two teams train together at YueHua? For some reason I get the feeling they’re being supportive, but maybe its just because I like that idea better.

Omg it’s so annoying when they interrupt and restart and restart and restart the choreography to build dRAmA. Once again I say, I am not a fan of reality tv style editing. But Yu Jin really is a captivating dancer, and this choreo serves him well. I think maybe the group isn’t as good vocally as the Chinese team? but are collectively better dancers.

These little tidbits from the Chinese YueHua team about seeing the Korean YueHua team rehearse are fascinating to me. That’s what I like most about dance reality shows, these little glimpses behind the curtain. The Korean team had such stage presence, I could see it only coming alive before an audience, and hard to access in the rehearsal studio.

Now seems as good a place as any to share one of my theories about why most K-pop idol dancers I’ve seen (which I admit is still not that many), despite being incredibly skilled and talented, do not quite cross over to the WOW level for me of really inhabiting the movement. Part of it of course is that they are singers and celebrities as well, and the nature of that is that most of them end up being really good at two two things instead of absolutely amazing at one. But also I think a lot of them have mirror head. I don’t know if it's a real term or I just made it up, but it’s a real thing—when you train you spend so much time watching yourself in the mirror, perfecting every move, but you forget to learn to move your head naturally, so the dance doesn’t seem full-bodied in the same way. My hypothesis is that Yu Jin’s training has been so rushed (1 year!) that he’s largely relying on his natural talent and movement quality, and hasn’t accidentally frozen his head. Obviously there are many other little details that turn a performer from extraordinarily competent at dance to dancer, and of course the whole idea could be bullshit.

Four all-stars for them! It would have been sad if the last guy got left out, lol. First time I watched I wasn’t sure what I thought about Kim Gyu Vin asking to also do a solo dance, but this time I thought it was cute.

Tangent from all my tangents—I find it hilarious how they’re blurring out their signs. I know it’s to avoid spoilers about how many stars everyone has (since I assume they’ve edited this into a different order than how they actually performed) but because the stars are right over everyone’s crotch while seated, well…

Next up a solo act! This is adorable how he messes up his little intro line. I like how supportive Lee Hoe-taek seems. I’m finding myself grow fond of this guy for absolutely no reason. I just like his reactions. Perhaps it’s the “old folks” solidarity? (I’m a decade older than him, lol.)

I can’t tell what I’m supposed to think of blue satin shirt’s performance here. To me it’s the most high-school-talent-show level of singing and dancing they’ve showed yet, but also performing solo is a lot harder and more exposing. So I don’t want to judge too harshly.

This has got to have been staged… there is no way two contestants that just happened to be the only solo acts just happened to do the exact same piece and oh look! they’re also the only two wearing black slacks with slutty satin button downs in complementary colors! Spontaneous idea! Why don’t they dance together? It’s a cute bit though, so I don’t mind.

Oh yes! The master going to help red satin shirt fix his earpiece was also adorable. (These guys seem to be the comic relief of the episode. Hopefully for their sakes it’s on purpose.) I enjoyed his performance more, although it felt equally amateurish, I think because he seemed more relaxed and having fun. I liked the way he smiled through it, even if the judge master thought it was odd. “Something feels very loose about it. But I don’t want him to fix it and do it properly.” Same sis, same. Somehow it works, lol. I also love that he takes off his shoes and socks.

OK! I’m back to where I was when I paused to “jot down a few notes.” 😂 Several hours later:

The master is right, it does look better as a duet (this whole thing was definitely planned). They’re still no superstars, but at least they look respectable.

Oh dear. I was just thinking oh he’s kinda hot when the master said, “oh he’s handsome.” But he is!

Did these two really do the choreography for most of k-pop, or did the producers somehow set it up so all the groups keep doing their choreo? Since supposedly the contestants didn’t know these would be the judges until they walked into the room. This is where my industry ignorance makes it hard to evaluate things. Either way it adds a nice frisson of tension to the proceedings.

Oh dear. They’re bad. I do appreciate the editing and reaction shots making it clear it’s not just me who thinks that. But I do feel for any contestants who come on and get the you suck edit.

Another solo! I feel pacing-wise he needs to be good after comedy bad and just plain bad. Crossing my fingers. The soloist is right, both masters are very handsome 😄 This little bit is cuter than it has any right to be. Oh, I guess bad contestants are not over, instead we’re going all in on the bad singers 😬 I had such hopes for this dude after his dramatic start, but that was painful to hear. All of these singers are. It's not quite as kind about bad performances as I thought earlier, but at least we're only getting short clips.

At moments like these I wonder, were these bad singers deliberately chosen to pad out the NINETY-EIGHT and make it easy to cut? And give an excuse for this speech on the importance of singing the lyrics? As a non-singer I do find it interesting how performers balance the singing and dancing. But I feel bad for all these kids who came on with hope. Did they think their singing would be good enough? Or that their dancing was all that mattered (I can’t tell if they were good dancers because the clips were so short.) Or were they in on the trick of it all? I hope for the last one, but I suspect Mnet is not that kind.

Yeah it’s a long day, there are NINETY-EIGHT trainees here. (Seriously. I want to understand the point of that decision. Are they charging contestants for participating? Do they think it increases the drama for the television audience? We’ve barely seen a quarter of them so far and it already feels like a lot.)

Matthew, that was a bold claim, that you speak French! You had to have guessed they’d ask you to speak it. Good thing none of the judges seems to understand. (Not that he’s terrible, just trying to speak yet a third language that you’re not fluent in while under pressure. Difficult.) Anyways, I can’t decide now if he’s going to be good so they can keep him around (along with Jay) for the North American crowd, or if this is a sign of imminent disaster. They’ve certainly managed to endear him to me, I find myself hoping he’s amazing. Aw and this background story about his friendship with Sung Han Bin is adorable. He has to stay at least one more episode after this editorial treatment. Yay! He’s good :-) Not like mindblowing, but good enough to seem like he belongs there. Hmm. This is the first time we’ve seen the judges give normal actually useful feedback. I wonder why that is? The editors certainly seem to be promoting Matthew as "the one who will grow."

Sung Han Bin. I’m pretty sure it was him I saw on a video here who was dancing like amazingly well, so I’m looking forward to this. His very stiff nervous posture isn’t a good sign, but they are saying he used to be a dancer so I have hope. Oh yay! We get to see one of the choreographer judges dance! Oh boo it’s mostly just reaction shots. But she is good. And so is he, in the little bit the actually let us watch. Yay!

Oh interesting. They get to check boxes on what they think they’re good at and what they want work on. Did all those poor kids come thinking that they didn’t need to be good at singing yet? Also, they keep saying, “he’s singing this live, right?” Does that mean that some of them actually weren’t?

He seems good, but they won’t let me watch him long enough to actually seeee anything 😾. Honestly, he doesn’t seem quite at the level as I was expecting for having worked as a backup dancer for two years, but singing at the same time and being a solo act is a whole different ballgame. And his voice seems pretty good, considering that’s not his specialty. I wonder, are he and my arbitrarily beloved old guy Lee Hoe-taek the only ones who have worked professionally as performers before, or are there many of them? Oh wait, our BL actor friend with the kissable lips, Kim Ji Woong, was also a working idol at one point. Now I’m finding myself curious/nervous to see how he does. I bet out of the NINETY-EIGHT contestants, at least a few of them have experience.

Ok, a trio from Tokyo! And they too are doing a song by someone in the audience, although this time it’s a fellow contestant. The producers have to be arranging this for the drama. There are a lot of possible K-pop songs, right? I don’t know, I’m new here. Ahh. they made it a mandatory practice song. Maybe they just hoped someone would get the hint and pick it on their own.

Aww, why do I love Lee Hoe-taek so much? His reaction is adorable. He’s sitting all alone there in his center throne. I hope the show is kind to him and he’s able to use it purposefully rather than be used by it.

I’m not a big fan of this trio’s voices, but it’s a fun song, and it’s fun having something that the whole audience knows well. Aww, my beloved is crying over the whole upcoming generation dancing along to his song. I don’t know what conversations are had about mandatory military service in S. Korea in general, or specifically about the experiences of Kpop idols going in and then returning the world nearly two years later, but I could imagine that being intense for them in so many ways. Ok, that’s it, I’ve found my guy. I’m not necessarily rooting for him to win, because I suspect he has career path options that fit him better than a debut group with teenagers, but he’s still my guy.

And now we transition into his moment. My boy is going to make me cry. And I never even heard of him before this morning. But he gets to come baaaack! To the staaage! And he has to do it all alone. “How is a trainee?”—that’s right Ollie, you tell them, don’t let them diminish my boy. Aww, and he’s encouraging everyone in his pre-performance speech! But someone is asking The Question—why is he here as a contestant instead of a master?

Arg, this teasing editing is so frustrating. But it looks like yes, he is a PERFORMER. Such presence in those brief clips. I love it when unassuming-looking people turn themselves on on stage. Oh god, they’re building the drama as much as they can. Obviously he did well though, they’re all crying! And it seems like the official answer to The Question is that he just wants to someone to finally tell him he’s good at what he does. Aww. Break my heart why don’t you. Like, I’m not sure how much this character of Lee Hoe-taek has in common with the real person, but the character is compelling.

And of course that’s the cliff hanger. Well now I have to watch episode two to see my beloved perform. I won’t (shouldn’t) blog about it though. (I shouldn’t, but I might be tempted.)

And that wraps up day one, with less than half of the NINETY-EIGHT contests seen. And that was with speeding through some of them. I'd already forgotten the beginning, how are they going to get through it all. I remain curious.

#this was not EVERY thought that went through my head while watching but it was most of them #my ramblings #i wrote almost 5000 words about this episode #why i don't know #sometimes my brain is weird #living with adhd #boys planet #lonely boys #honestly i think i'm just going to keep calling it that in my head #kpop #reality tv competition #reaction by gillianthecat #kind of like liveblogging

12 notes · View notes