#vape lord rising

[the-record]

WHEN YOU KNOW

SYNOPSIS: inspired by ‘margaret’ by lana 🫶

PAIRING: ellie williams x fem!reader

WARNINGS: none

A/N: this is so stupid i LOVE it , love at first sight trope 🧎

ellie didnt mind parties. the people weren’t always great, but it was good to sell and it made her friends happy.

she liked to sit on the couch with a blunt and people watch, dina chatting away in her ear or singing at jessie. abby trying to find her pic of the night with some help from ellie.

but tonight was boring. dina had run away to dance, pulling jessie with her. abby had an away game, states away. she sat on the couch alone, bored now.

and then she saw you. she thanked a god she didnt know existed that abby wasn’t there that night.

ellie watched for a moment as you grabbed a drink, waiting to see if you found a friend. but when five minutes passed and you still stood there, eyes floating around as you slowly sipped, she made her way over.

“hey,” you jumped a little as she spoke and she smiled softly. “shit, sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.” but you shook your head and laughed. “i’m ellie.”

“angel.” she hummed in response, a questioning tone to it. “what?”

ellie clicked her tongue. “angel? that you’re real name?”

“is ellie yours?” she nodded. “huh. well, maybe if you’re nice enough you can learn the real one.” you smiled teasingly at her.

“you ever gonna tell me your name?” ellie’s arms rested on the window frame of your car door. “i thought i was nice.”

you laughed softly and kissed her cheek. “goodnight ellie.”

she sighed and pulled back, a blush rising to her face, and she watched as you drove away from the party. watching even after your car disappeared and you with it.

an arm slung around her and ellie stumbled as she caught dina’s weight. “good god, how much did you drink?”

dina giggled as jesse caught up to the both of them, her coat and his keys in hand. “just hold her while i bring the car around?” ellie nodded and watched jesse jog off.

“who was that girl?” dina wondered.

ellie smiled softly. “no idea.”

yourusername followed you.

elliewilliams followed you.

angel: hey :)))

ellie: hello

e: three smiles??? way to make a girl feel special

a: mmm i try my best

e: nice name.

a: why thank you

a: whats ur weekend look like?

e: possibly busy, possibly absolutely nothing. why, someone wanna know??

a: no…

e: busy sunday night, but free otherwise

a: good.

e: and whys that?

a: ur taking me out friday night? obv.

e: damn ur right

e: mb thats on me

a: yes. so 8 pm ill send u my addy

e: addy??

a: i speak drug dealer

e: goodbye 😭

e: u ever smoked?

a: i hit a vape

e: …

a: once.

e: once again

e: goodbye 😭

a: nvm dont come on friday

e: waijikitjrjrjrjjrjrjr no

e: ill be there

e: 8pm sharp

e: forgive me :(

a: okay!

ellie: oh me oh MYYYYYYYYY

dina: oh lord

jesse: no 🫶

ellie: pls!!!

ellie: GUYS PLEASE

dina: what.

ellie: ur honor i love her

jesse: yall havent been out yet??????

dina: lord.

ellie: STOP?

dina: no 🫶

jesse: mcscuse me thats my line

dina: ull make it

jesse: 😥

ellie: BACK TO ME PLS

ellie: 8pm on friday

dina: NO.

jesse: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

ellie: guys ily PLEASE.

dina: NO??

jesse: sigh.

ellie: HELL YEAAAAAA

dina: JESSE?????

jesse: 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

dina: ihy all

dina: why are u bailing on ussddsss

dina: u must really like her

ellie: a LOT.

ellie: idk i just

ellie: ive got a feeling

jesse: when you know, you know

dina: blegh

jesse: UR MY GIRLFRIEND????????

snow was falling outside as you and ellie stood just outside your door. “so.” you whispered.

“so.” she whispered back. “snow. on our first date. seems like a sign.”

“oh yea?” she hummed back. “and how’s it a sign?”

she pretended to think for a moment. “i love snow. only brings good things.”

“oh, so im only good now.” ellie blushed as you teased her

“i didnt say that. you’re more than good. great.”

you nodded. “amazing? perfect?”

“no, not yet.” ellie fiddled with your hands as she leaned against your door.

“oh so whats gonna make it perfect?”

“a kiss.”

ellie: IM PROPOSING

dina: ELLIE STFU

jesse: noo shh let the woman speak

ellie: thanks jesse.

dina: shh jesse.

dina: so that good then?

ellie: SIGH 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

jesse: oh lord.

ellie: shes so pretty

dina: mhm.

ellie: and so kind

jesse: mhm.

ellie: and a great kisser 🫠

dina: lovely

jesse: when u know

dina: u know.

ellie: i know.

#ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fic #ellie willams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams x y/n

[fighting-and-drawing]

Heart of the Warrior Chapter 18: All In Fandom: Cybird Ikemen Sengoku Previous Chapter | Next Chapter Yukimura Sanada x Male!OC

      Vassals from both the Takeda and Uesugi surrounded the sides of the tenshu. Both Lords Kenshin and Shingen sat on the upper dais, their eyes plastered to the opposite side. Meanwhile, Yukimura, Thai, Sasuke, and the rest of the "Ten Braves" were sitting across from them, both Thai and Sasuke sitting to their front. The entire hall was emptied of any obstacles, a lingering air of trepidation filling the room. A white sheet was placed in the middle of the tenshu floor. Everyone waited in silence as Shingen and Kenshin discussed with each other quietly. Although no one could hear them, it was clear that Shingen was more heated, whereas Kenshin was calm in his discussion.

      Yukimura kept his mouth shut. His ears kept ringing, sweat dripping down his forehead. His breathing grew shaky as his heartbeat accelerated. Anxiety fueled by the growing wait pooled in his already sick stomach. Fear petrified the warrior, yet he noticed the foreigner's eyes were shut when he glanced at Thai. The latter sat still, his breath calm and relaxed. His brows were furrowed and his face stern. Yukimura stirred Thai with a nudge from his elbow. "H-Hey, Thai. Are you okay?"

      Thai sighed softly as his eyes opened. "So far, so good," he whispered back. His gaze was plastered on the sheet ahead of them. He gulped, his fingers pulling slightly on the collar of his kimono. Yukimura's brow scrunched up. "You don't seem fine. Why did Lord Shingen's men escort you here?"

      "Don't worry about it, Guerreiro," Thai replied.

      "Wait, Lord Shingen sent troops to find you in your room?" Saizou asked from behind.

      "Actually, they got him from Yuki's room," Rokurobei bluntly said.

      Every one of the 'Ten Brave's' eyes opened wide. "You were in Yuki's room, Thai? What were you guys doing in there?" Sasuke suddenly whispered.

      Both Yukimura and Thai tensed up as everyone's eyes narrowed toward them. "Coño, I'm about to be on the chopping block, and y'all are making this a game of 20 questions?" Thai grunted.

      "What!?" Yukimura quietly grunted.          "Oh shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?" Thai muttered to himself. "Well, it ain't like it's gonna matter in about three minutes."

      Yukimura's concerned glare turned into a mad stare. "Wait a minute! You're going to—"

      Yukimura stopped himself short. His peripherals caught sight of both Shingen and Kenshin rising from their seats. The entire room of vassals shifted their collective gazes at the two lords. Shingen let out a deep huff, clearing his throat before addressing the room.       "Yukimura Sanada! Thai Bulan! Step forward!" Shingen's voice boomed throughout the tenshu.

      Both Yukimura and Thai's bodies jolted. They exchanged worried glances before bowing toward the two lords and standing up. With shaking knees and breaths, they both stepped towards the middle of the tenshu, their eyes plastered on Shingen.

     Thai significantly grew more frightened with each step he took. The numerous eyes on him alone were as deadly as the sword Shingen had on his person. Multiple voices of regret rang out inside his mind telling him that this "plan" of his was a mistake, but he knew it was the right thing to do. Still, he never would have figured this was the way he would die. He often just thought his drinking and vaping would come back to bite him into the dust. If he had been told back in the Modern Era that his death would be at the hands of a samurai lord, he would have laughed. 

      Meanwhile, Yukimura still held the same resolve in his fate ever since he left for Ueda. He knew this act of treason was going to seal his fate, yet as he finally faced down his lord wielding the blade he intended to use to execute him, his regret and guilt came back to punish him. And, what became worse was that Thai was right alongside him for some reason. His mind raced. Was it because he interfered with his mission that Shingen would have Thai execute him? But, that wouldn't track with Thai's prior statement. Questions flooded Yukimura's mind, yet Shingen's words soon brought him back to reality. 

      "Yukimura Sanada," Shingen spoke. "Not only had you betrayed my wish to go back to Ueda, but in doing so, you have endangered the lives of those who chose to follow you and the two shinobi I had sent prior. You have also compromised our safety in Kasugayama and alerted the enemy about our existence. This is an act of treason, and the penalty for that is death." Yukimura winced at the end of Shingen's statement, yet he kept his mouth shut and ears open as Shingen turned to Thai, whose gaze was plastered on the ground below. "Thai Bulan," Shingen spoke again. "I understand that even though you are innocent of this, you chose to accept the responsibility of your lord's actions in his stead. I'll ask you this one time: do you plan to follow through with this request?"

      Yukimura's eyes widened as he turned to a still Thai.

     That was his plan? To take his place in execution so that he could live?

      "Thai! Don't do this!" Yukimura pleaded. His hands shot to Thai's sleeve, tugging him vehemently. "Y-you can't! Don't be—"

      "Yukimura!" Shingen roared. "Calm yourself!"

      Yukimura grimaced, regrettably letting go of Thai's sleeve. "I-I'm sorry, milord," he grunted under his breath.

      Thai nodded slowly, sucking in his lips for a moment before setting his sights on Lord Shingen. "It was my job to protect Yukimura from danger...as well as to stop him from doing anything to the detriment of all of us here. I could have stopped him, but I didn't. If we really did compromise the security of everyone here and ignited the war too early, you'll need someone far better than I to lead your troops—not some random foreigner y'all picked up on the way. I'll accept the consequences of his actions. Just...let him go."

      "Thai!" Yukimura gasped. 

      Shingen gritted his teeth. "Very well then," he said, his tone low. Thai wasted no time, first patting Yukimura lightly on the shoulder while flashing a soft smile before going down on his still-aching knees. Shingen looked back toward Yukimura. "Yukimura. Sit back down with—"

      "No!" 

      "Yuki," Thai said, "It's alright. Just sit down."

      "Sit down back over with your men, or die alongside your bodyguard," Kenshin growled. His narrowing glare was fixed on Yukimura as his hand inched itself closer to his sword.

      Yukimura looked back down at Thai, the latter now staring at the ground as he parted his kimono to expose his belly. His shaking hands took the short sword out of his obi, preparing to draw it. Yukimura gritted his teeth and balled his fists, kissing his teeth in frustration as he resolved to kneel right next to Thai instead. Shingen silently gasped as Yukimura started to open his kimono in the same manner hastily. Thai's eyes shot open. 

      "Yuki! What the hell—"

      Ignoring Thai, he looked up defiantly at Shingen. "If he dies...then I'll die, too," Yukimura said, a twinge of fear in his confident tone. "It's not fair for Thai to be responsible for my actions."

      "Yukimura..." Shingen muttered under his breath. 

      Yukimura looked back at the awe-struck Thai. "You won't leave me, so I won't leave you." He smiled. His eyes started to glisten as he took out his tantou dagger. Thai sighed, rubbing his twitching brow as Shingen silently observed the two. Thai knew there was no way he could talk Yukimura out of this, especially with death right at their proverbial doorstep, but the whole point of this plan was to keep him alive. However, there was no time to weigh his options as Shingen's drawn-out sigh alerted the two's attention back up to him.

      "If that is your wish then," Shingen spoke. He shook his head as he stepped around them and to their backs. Thai and Yukimura kept looking forward as they both slowly drew their daggers, the sound of metal shaking its way out of the wooden scabbards followed by the long "shiiink" of Shingen's massive Ootachi. 

      "Goddammit, Yuki," Thai grunted as he positioned the tip of his sword toward his belly. "Back out." 

      "Hey!" Yukimura growled back. "You said you'll always be by my side. How can you do that if you're dead?"

      "So, what? You intend to follow me?"

      "I do," Yukimura answered. "It's not right that you have to take my place in this."

      "It doesn't matter," Thai refuted, "My point still stands. They're gonna need you in this war—not some foreigner playing 'samurai.'"

      "I don't care. I don't want to lose you, Thai. You're...you're important to me. I don't know what I would do without you," Yukimura said, holding the dagger to his stomach. "If you're going to die here because of my mistakes, then I'll be here alongside you. Let's face this together."

      Thai bit down on his lip. He forced his eyes shut, holding back the tears as he hung his head low. He would never have thought that those words would be able to come out of Yukimura's mouth. He just now had to hope that he could find him again in the next life.

      "Mas que porra...so, how we doin' this?" Thai whispered to Yukimura, his eyes staring down at the cold blade he held in his shaking palms.

      Yukimura stayed silent for a moment, his eyes drooping. "...on three?"

      "Fair enough," Thai grunted. He steeled himself as best as he could. He took a deep breath, not bothering to hold back the tears. "...three."

      Yukimura shifted uncomfortably on top of his knees but stayed resolute as he angled his dagger correctly. "...t-two..."

      It was now Thai's turn. He held his breath and swallowed what little saliva was in his mouth. The pounding of his heart and an obnoxious ringing in his ears started to overwhelm his hearing. His body felt cold as he gripped the handle of his tantou as firmly as he could. He could feel the sweat accumulating under his hands, almost as if he could squeeze the blade out of his grip. He closed his eyes, his lips starting to part. "Vejo você do outro lado, amigo." 

      One—         "STOP!!"

      Shingen's voice rang like a gunshot, his booming voice followed by the clacking of daggers on the ground. Thai clutched his heart, a pulse of adrenaline causing him to shake and hyperventilate. On the other hand, Yukimura fell on all fours, almost gagging and throwing up the contents of his stomach. They both looked at each other with eyes and mouths agape before slowly turning back toward Shingen. The Takeda warlord had lowered his sword, the massive warlord himself breathing as heavily as the two were. He merely glared at them silently.

      "You two...you're lucky today," Shingen said under his breath.

      "Shingen!" Kenshin snarled. "What do you think—"

      "If war is to come, then Thai is right!" Shingen snapped back at Kenshin. "If we are to go to war at any time, we need everyone here to fight. Yukimura and Thai are my men. I will deal with them appropriately, but I will not execute them today!"

      Thai and Yukimura held their breaths and looked back at Kenshin, who only glared disappointingly at Shingen. He let out a huff, rolling his eyes as he stepped forward with his hand wrapping itself around the hilt of his sword. "If you won't execute them, then I—"

      Shingen rose his sword toward the other warlord. "You touch them...you will deal with me," Shingen growled. "Stand. Down."

      Kenshin sighed. His hand was still firm against the hilt of his sword, but his movement halted from stepping down from the upper dais. A guttural growl erupted from his throat, yet he stayed still. "...fine. But, I'll expect both of their heads one day or another," Kenshin warned. 

      "Have you ever seen him like that before?" 

      "Not too many times."         Hours after their near-death experience, both Yuki and Thai found secluded refuge amongst the grassy plains outside of Kasugayama. Their horses were tied to a nearby tree, Thai and Yuki finding rest under another tree. 

      Both were rattled from the experience, their minds and hearts still strained. Yukimura sat on the ground, his hands carrying his knees as close to him as possible. Thai was behind Yukimura, leaning against a tree with his arm and forehead planted against the rough bark. For Thai, the scare of death and the subsequent surprise of his plan going better than expected knocked him out of his hangover. Even though the two were shaking in their clothes, the cool, calm breeze of the early afternoon wind gradually brought a sense of relief to the two warriors.

      "What do you think he's gonna do?" Thai asked. "I had never seen him so worked up like that."

      "I don't know," Yukimura answered, his words nearly muffled by his knees. "I had only seen him like this on the battlefield, or...well, you know. But, for what he's likely to do, I have no idea."

      Yukimura honestly wouldn't put it past Lord Shingen wanting to seek the comfort of women in Kasugayama with an armload of sweets and a second of sake, but this was a difficult situation that was a complicated matter rarely seen in the newly-formed Alliance. He had wholeheartedly believed his last breath would be expelled back into the tenshu before Lord Shingen's massive sword cut both his and Thai's heads off. Speaking of which, he still could not wrap his head around the idea of Thai trying to take his place. Even if it was an attempt to save his life, Yukimura still could not believe that Thai would sacrifice himself that easily in place of his life. His heart swelled, the question burning in his mind. 

      He turned his head slightly to glance at Thai. His back was once more to him, but he could feel the exhaustion and strain from today's events emanating from Thai. Yukimura grew more perplexed. As soon as Thai started to recover from torture, he again jumped between himself and death to ensure his survival. His brow furrowed, his hands rotating his body around so that he sat facing Thai.

      "Hey, Thai," Yukimura called out.

      "Yeah?" Thai responded, turning his head to face his lord.

      "Why...why did you do that?" Yukimura asked with a low tone. 

      "Why did I do what?"

      Yukimura spat out a curse, immediately jumping to his feet. "Idiot! Why would you take my place for execution like that!?" he shouted. "What in the Eight Hells were you thinking!?"

      "Hey!" Thai snapped back, yet keeping a calm demeanor. "I told you, my job was to protect you from anything."

      "B-but! This was different! That was my punishment for betraying my lord—for putting everyone, including and especially you, at risk! Y-you nearly died because of me, and...you still risked your life for me. Again..."

      Thai turned his body to face the livid Yukimura. He merely shrugged. "I told you already—you're important to me. No matter what obstacle lies before us, I'll be there to face it to protect you."

      Yukimura stifled a gasp, feeling his cheeks begin to swell with heat as he averted his gaze. "Idiot!" he spat. "And I told you that if you keep doing stuff like that, you'll die! Just like you and I almost did back there..." He thought for a moment. He rubbed his twitching brow, still trying to make sense of the situation. He was a wild boar, sure, but Thai always had a plan, and he knew it could not be as foolish or straightforward as the stunt he just pulled. "How did you know that it would work then?"

      "...that what will?" Thai asked in return, shrugging lightly. 

      "Th-that Lord Shingen would change his mind if we both offered ourselves for execution?"

      Thai shrugged his eyes. "I, uh...."

      Yukimura scoffed. "Seriously!? That really was your plan then?! Why do ALL of your plans involve you trying so damn hard to sacrifice yourself for me, dummy?!!"

      Thai shrugged again. "Não me importa, Yuki," he said, "You're more than just being important to me. The first time I saved you may have been fate, sure, but after what we've been through and after everything we've done together, I would do it again and more if it meant protecting the one that I..."

      He sucked back in the last word that nearly fell from his tongue. Yukimura stared at Thai, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Yet, the younger warrior gulped back his words as he weighed his options. His gut begged him to speak his mind finally. They were alone, and they had yet again escaped death's clutches. He finally risked it all and, for the most part, was finally safe. Decades of pain tried to force his tongue still, but his mind was made. Thai looked back at Yukimura, taking a step forward. His body began to shake, a surge of adrenaline shooting throughout his system. His eyes teared up as he willed himself to speak.

      "...well...if it meant protecting the one that I...the one that I love."

     Yukimura stumbled back a step, his shocked expression locked with his gaze. "What?"

     Thai scoffed, rubbing his forehead before wiping his eyes with his kimono sleeve. "Uh...never mind. Forget it, " Thai coughed out. His cheeks turned red and his body trembled. He quickly turned to make a hasty retreat, but Yuki's hand grabbed him by the wrist. Yukimura yanked him back, and once again, Thai found himself in his grip. He held his breath, Yukimura's nose inches from his. The Peerless Warrior's eyes peered down at the smaller male, the two locked into each other's gaze. "H-hey!" Thai mildly protested, snapping himself out of his trance. He averted his eyes but soon felt Yukimura's fingers slide up to his chin, forcing his eyes back to him.

      "Did...did you really mean that?" Yukimura suddenly asked. His cheeks began to bloom the same shade of red glazed over Thai's cheeks.

      Thai sighed, closing his eyes, forcing with all his might to keep his tears in. "L-look...I didn't want to say anything because...w-well...I know you don't see me in the same way. I didn't want to ruin what friendship we had...and... well, please don't let it bother you! I swear, just tell me already you don't see me in the same way, and I will—"

      Before Thai could finish his sentence, Yukimura's hand slid up his cheek and brought Thai's face closer to his. The next thing that registered was Yukimura's soft lips grazing against his lips. His eyes shot open, a muffled gasp escaping his throat. Yukimura pressed his lips against his. Thai nearly panicked. His arms reflexively pushed back against Yukimura's firm chest, yet the Peerless Warrior kept his hand wrapped tight around Thai's cheek, his other hand pressing against the small of Thai's back. A short guttural moan soon escaped Thai's throat, the more diminutive warrior finally relaxing inside of Yukimura's hold as he embraced the kiss. 

      Yukimura soon pulled his lips away yet kept a firm hold on Thai. Thai's heart swelled, the cold air replacing the almost sickeningly sweet warmth still lingering from the sudden kiss. "Yu...Yuki?" Thai gasped quietly.

      "D-dummy! Y'know how crazy you make me?!" he stammered to say, "Do you even know how much I wanted to hear you say that one day?"

      A giggle burst out of Thai's lips, giving in to the temptation to hug Yukimura. He pressed his face against Yukimura's firm chest, a surge of ecstasy rushing through him as Yukimura returned the embrace with his own. His hand slid up towards Thai's hair, his lips finding recluse on the crook of Thai's neck. "Jeez," Thai said, his voice muffled by Yukimura's chest. "You make me crazy, too!"

      "Listen," Yukimura breathed across Thai's ear, making the latter shudder slightly. "I'm glad you want to protect me with your life, but..." Yukimura slowly pulled himself away once more and stared at Thai, fresh tears gliding slowly down his flushed cheeks. "I don't want you to die for me. You don't have to throw your life away at the drop of a hat. I want...I need you to live for me. I need you to be with me."

      Thai silently awed at Yukimura, tears also falling from his eyes. He scoffed slightly, suddenly erupting into a chuckle. "What?!" Yuki gawked.

      "N-Never took you for the, uh...romantic type," Thai answered sheepishly. Suddenly, he let out a pained cry, Yukimura's fingers snatching Thai's nose and pinching it with his vice-like grip.

      "Dummy! I can be romantic!" 

      "Wet me gwoo!!" Thai cried out. Much to his relief, Yukimura let go. Thai stumbled back, rubbing his still-hurting nose. "Dammit, Yuki. I meant that as a compliment."

      "Pfft. Whatever."

      Thai wiped his eyes with his sleeve as Yukimura stepped up to him again. Yukimura wrapped his arms around Thai, bringing him back into his embrace. His heart swelled, Yukimura's sweet smile enveloping his sight. "I gotta tell you, Yuki," Thai said. "I was scared out of my mind about what could happen if I ever told you that I...well, love you."

      "Same here," Yukimura revealed. "I thought you would freak out and try to run."

      "Pfft! I thought you would try and shove that spear of yours up—"

      The sound of someone approaching swiftly on horseback through the grassy landscape stopped their conversation short. Thai and Yukimura turned their heads to see Sasuke quickly running to them. Sasuke stopped his horse just a few feet away and promptly jumped down to them, hyperventilating fiercely. He gasped shortly upon seeing both Thai and Yukimura, the latter two frozen in their embrace.

      "Oh! Was...I interrupting something?" Sasuke asked between breaths. 

      The two warriors glanced at each other. "Uh...." 

      Sasuke shook his head. "N-never mind! You two need to come back to Kasugayama right away!"

      "Huh!?" both Yukimura and Thai gasped in unison. "Sasuke, what's wrong?!" Yukimura asked. For the second time today, the looming threat of death once again reared its ugly head and dangled its blade just above his neck. 

      "Nāo me digas..." Thai shuddered.

      "When you two left, a convoy showed up at Kasugayama," Sasuke informed the two. 

      "A convoy?" Yukimura asked. "How big?"

      "I couldn't get the exact number, but it was a decent-sized one. At first, I was expecting to see sixty elephants, llamas galore, and bears and lions!" Sasuke answered. 

      Thai scoffed and shook his head. "Oi! You're starting to not make sense again," Yukimura said.

      "Sorry, but even still, it was what they were carrying with them that surprised everyone," Sasuke said. 

      Yukimura fell silent for a moment. "...Nobuyuki!?"

      Sasuke nodded. "Currently, we are inspecting the firearms and armaments he had sent us, but it seems he was good on his word. Things are starting to look up, I think. But, Lord Shingen has ordered for you two to come back. We should hurry."

      Yukimura sighed, letting go of Thai. "Then there's no time to waste."

      Hopping on their horses, they quickly made their way back to Kasugayama. There, they saw a meager-sized convoy inside the castle walls, soldiers unloading crates full of Western rifles and armor, barrels of gunpowder, and even a few units of rations. The trio disbanded their horses, seeing more horses and men appear at random intervals. They all appeared in simple or dull clothes, their goods wrapped or hidden. The convoy's guards and personnel didn't bear the Sanada banner, but there was no doubt that they were Nobuyuki's samurai in disguise.

      Finally, they found Shingen talking to someone from the convoy, the large daimyo noticing the three walking towards him. "Ah, there you are, Yuki," Shingen said.

      "My lord." Yukimura bowed deeply to Shingen. Thai and Sasuke followed suit. 

      However, Shingen paid no mind to them and simply pointed at the man beside him with his hand. "This man has a message for you."

      With a smile, the man bowed to Yuki before offering a small bundle to the Peerless Warrior with both hands. Yukimura quickly accepted and uncovered it. The first thing he saw was—            "My razor!" Thai gasped. He took it by its oversized, polished handle, flicking out its pristine blade to examine it. "Coño. This really is from Nobuyuki. Oh, huh? There's a letter folded inside—"

      "Gimme that!" Yukimura cried out, snatching the letter from Thai's hand. He quickly unfurled it, Yukimura's eyes darted up and down, quickly reading the letter. He shuddered, his face scrunching up and his fingers curling the letter in his hands. Both Thai and Sasuke looked at each other. 

      "What's it say, Yuki?" Thai asked, fearing the worst.

      Yukimura gulped, wiping his eyes.

      "Your plan worked," Shingen said with a smile, the trio's eyes darting to him.

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesen fanfic #fanfic #ikesen yukimura #heart of the warrior #ikesen oc

[marebear-and-her-digidiary]

March 2024 Goals Update 🧸🌙🧡

Home:

Paint craft room closet doors-not until spring

New tank for the Lizard of Oz- DONE!!! ✅

Personal:

Grow out my hair, no dying or cutting it- Last haircut was February 2024

Study 30 minutes a day about spirituality- in my own way, yeah!

Go to two workshops- not yet

Go to the observatory- Summer!

Fitness:

30 minutes to one hour of exercise per day, 5-6 times a week- hoping to build a routine that works for me to be consistent!

Aim for 10k steps a day- I've been better!

Learn to rollerskate- not yet- warmer seasons

Explore two new hiking trails-warmer seasons

Hobbies:

Sewing- on hold, sewing machine is out of commission, update is sewing machine is still not good but is just waiting for a part!

Sew one spring/summer dress, bell sleeve 60s swing style dress-not yet, this might not happen and that's okay!!

Use up fabric stash with various projects or one big patchwork project-not yet

One embroidery project-✅DONE, Mom's Embroidery #2

Reading

Read 12 books in total-Started The Hobbit! Having a good time so far!

Read 3 Classic Novels-not yet

Read one old forgotten favourite-not yet

Movies and TV

Re-watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy- 1/3

Watch the Hobbit movie series-0/3

Watch the new season of Rising of the Shield Hero-not yet

Watch the new season of Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear- not yet

Spice and Wolf- not yet

Re-watch The Big Bang Theory- not yet

Watch the new season of Young Sheldon- not yet

Re-watch Toradora!- I only have like 7 episodes left, will be done by next month

Re-watch Bones-season one! Haven't watched more

Gundam series watch- finished the Advent of The Red Comet and really enjoyed it! Continuing on with my UC timeline watch list! Plus the hubby and I have been watching GBF together, it's his first Gundam anime so it's a nice starting point as a stand alone spin off! I love diving into new hobbies with him ;-;

Crafting:

Nature walk journaling (foraging, birdwatching, stargazing, etc)- have the journal, have not started lmao

Fire starter perlers- ✅ Torchic & Cyndaquil

Crochet blanket- ✅DONE! Turned into a loom knit plushie hammock for our spare room!

Complete one model kit or 3d puzzle- THREE DONE!!! ✅ Orange Haropla + Chinagguy + Beargguy III

Video Games:

Persona 3 Reloaded- Started!!! We got the physical copy of the game!

Persona 5 Tactica- dropped

Metaphor: Re Fantazio Fall 2024

Visions of Mana 2024

EC: Hundred Heroes April 23, 2024

Finish FF7R:Intergrade

SMT:3, started but then dropped for P3R

Highlights:

I quit vaping!!! March 27th!! So far so strong. I'd been without nicotine since just before the winter holidays and now going without completely!

We moved the CRT into the living room! Now we have both functional retro and modern gaming setups!! I'm obsessed, I started replaying Dead Space 2 and I love the feeling and sound of the hum of a crt and a PS3 booting up.

I made a bunch of perler bead bows and other perler crafts for the craft room walls! It's so cute and I love it so far.

We were kindly gifted a little orange and green mushroom led neon sign that we put in the craft room!

We started displaying all our cute lil pins on a corkboard in the craft room! Plus our con badges and con pins. It's nice to have memories of the summer we spent as my hubby on staff for a local con and I was a volunteer. I did maid cafe that year and it was such a fun time. It's been so long, I can't believe how much things have changed! It's been nice to be able to have those things out on display and look back fondly!

Got our sentimental stuff stored into proper boxes! Glad to have it all done.

I started connecting with people I've known for years but not necessarily very close with which has been nice! I worked with an old friend that I used to work with at a local hotel and she's just such a delight to reconnect with!

Not many more highlights to add without it being a mile long LOL so I'll keep it brief with these! April is our anniversary month 🥰 I can't wait to celebrate with my boy with some time off!

#marebear 2024

[shjayd]

1st post not via iPhone 🤨

ok... i'm typing this from my laptop. i like you enough to download you to my laptop, Tumblr! 😉 i don't think i can even edit any of my font or anything, so that part sucks (if in reality i can't), so i'd say app via iPhone > Windows when it comes to you, #TUMBLR <- idk if that will even tag in the middle of my post/only at the end.

GOTTA START SOMEWHERE.

previous text complaint: taken back

it's time to get this started ⌚ i heard about you from the Netflix true-crime documentary, Hotel Cecil or w/e, & the thought of posting my thoughts like a social journal (among some other things I've ran across or made self - i like to do calligraphy and hand lettering. i've became creative AFTER getting clean AFTER getting pregnant with my daughter. i always was, i guess the drugs took that part of my imagination away? i'm also obsessed with astrology. if you ask me, i'm a professional astrologer 🔮🌙✨..🤥🫤😤

Taurus Sun, Taurus Moon, and Rising Gemini... i know. a SCARY, yet BEAUTIFUL mEsS. ❤️‍🩹 i'm also very educated in mental health. from personally, to genetics, family and friends, to past work experience. i was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (BPD) after my HORRIFYING encounter with Post-Partum Depression, PPD, (although i've most likely suffered from my BPD since a very young age. my mother and brothers who lived with me all of my life would agree). i just never took, nor wanted to take, what my mom and family dr. told me a/b therapists & referrals to psychiatrists anywhere near serious. i honestly thought everyone felt/acted the way i did with both my lowest of lows & highest of highs 🤯… to me, it was always “this is what everyone has to go through. this is life. this is life… everyday”.

i'm a twin, my mother & i are as close as they come (it’s scary b/c I know she won’t be here forever, & both my daughter i I NEED her. forever). her EVER leaving us is another thing I refuse to even think a/b. NEXT SUBJECT;

yes, DADDY ISSUES 🙄 i was the wildest teenager into my late 20s. that was all until i FINALLY realized my self-worth & left my toxic, to say the LEAST, ex-gf, FOR GOOD, & ended up with my life-long best friend's brother, who i've been close, actually very close with, ever since i met his sister when we were ~10-years-old. he saved me. then our daughter came at the most perfect time to save us, as we started to go down that path holding hands. i'm DEF. not going to go into depth, y'all would drown, if you haven’t already.

*the specifics are overrated with no existing relevant meanings here*

i've been on this Earth for ✨almost✨ thirty whole fucking years. yes, i typed out the word, b/c I now have this BURSTING animosity for the number 3, however, 4 is mine. my best best friend is a 2-year-old, teeny chonk, only 2 years old, more dramatic than me, sassy-ass, genius COVID baby. (she was conceived in 2019, so, that was... a.. normal different?) she's 28, ✨ALMOST✨ 29-months-old. her name isn't important, so I'll just refer to her as 'quack'.. 🦆

..............🥰🥰🥰

we live together with her daddy - minez first 🏃🏼‍♀️🥇😂 - my other best friend. (〃￣︶￣)人(￣︶￣〃) •i also enjoy: "adult" coloring books, THC, journaling, Amazon Prime, the little things, elephants, my vape, bullet journaling, bellly laughing, my dishwasher, baby clothes, wood-burning, doodling, Hulu, ACKNOWLEDGMENT, roses WITH sunflowers 🌹🌻, ORCHIDS, my desk, ear-buds, Aaron Hernandez, my little space on earth instead of the internet - my desk & sketchbook, & ANYTHING organizational/cleaning... •i dislike: Scorpios, fantasy movies/series like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones - sorry, not sorry 🤷🏼‍♀️ - shitty parents, mornings, Karens, uppers, Instagram, judgmental humans, my fingernails when they aren't done, & typos. I have a love/hate relationship with Pisces, both male & female 🐠 i'm as blunt & unfiltered as they come. oh, & you can't hurt my feelings (a big s/o to my past traumas). i'm.. an opened, closed book... if that makes any sense to you? now go ahead & try to break down my walls to get to know the real me! i’m the best friend you could ever have! 🤞🏼😸🥳 OKAY! that's enough for now. follow me, & let's get to learn more about e/o & our little spaces on the internet. if you've made it this far 🙂 i'm going to stfu now. (didn’t lie a/b a thing. told you i tend to start rambling. bad.)

• i want to leave you all something pretty to look @ as a preview of what this journey entails💭

#newbie #hello new people #happy new year #journal #journaling #journal ideas #journaling inspiration #journaling junkie #doodles #doodle brain #sketchbook #cannamom #cannacommunity #astrology #nice to meet you

[perhapsthanatos]

06:01 am with sungchan ♡

nct's sungchan x fem!reader (ok do u guys know that one vine where its in a party & a girl is vaping & a dude says “wow”? yeah, thats where i got my inspo from)

alternate title: after the afterparty

genre: fluff. pinning. non idol au. party!au (is that a thing?).

word count: 1250~

playlist: melodrama (the whole album) by lorde.

warnings: mentions of some of the nct dream members as well as some mentions of the loona members (not really a warning though). this is set before corona was a thing (pls dont do this now). it is set in a house party (with tension). mentions of drugs (weed), alcohol & smoking. mild swearing. making out perhaps? lower case intended.

a/n: this has been on my mind for awhile now & im really excited to put this out there! it also has more tension compared to the other works so yay :)) i also just wanna take a moment to thank the lovely @nct99 for helping me out with this plot & giving some prompts & ideas too?? :(( she is such a sweetheart & pls she is so talented too ugh im so glad we r mutuals & fellow lorde stans :(( give her love rn or else i will eat ur shower curtains (& nae i hope it was worth the wait! i wish i added more references tho lmaoo)

another graceless night and another house party. this time, it was chenle’s birthday. he is a friend of yours, known for having a huge mansion and known for throwing the best parties regardless of the occasion. come to think of it though, it could easily be the 7th one this week and it’s barely wednesday. the evening passes fast as golden rays already start to gently peek through the thin curtains of the tall windows near the living room, as bodies of wasters are sprawled all over the house.

you lean back on the couch further, a curtain of haze taking up your vision as you inhaled another hit of the fresh blunt. even with the sun rising, you still make most of what you can get before everyone (and everything) starts leaving. you never were a party person until your friends dragged you into it. since that day you found it to be a fun way to get rid of your problems and worries (even if it was just for a few hours). partying (as gross as it sounds) became a routine, even becoming its own cycle. you come, you leave and you have everything in between be a complete blur, maybe even staying completely jaded until the daylight returns. some nights it feels good to kiss and keep busy rather than face the constant harsh reality.

you turn your head to see sungchan, the back of his head resting on the top of the couch right next to you. his leather jacket rubbing against your bare arm. his eyes are closed showing off his long lashes and his pink lips are chapped and parted. he looks seraphic in this light.

to be honest, you didn’t know much about sungchan. all you knew was that he’s the new kid who started getting close with jisung barely a month ago. that led jisung to introduce him to the group and him getting welcomed in with open arms by everyone, except you. it’s not that you hate him or have anything against him, if anything he seems like the most charming people out there. you just have trouble opening up to new people especially when you’re already so comfortable with the others (which he could kind of guess already). but since he joined, he was also dragged into the party scene and often played the role as the designated driver and part-time babysitter (a role that he takes seriously along with jeno). it isn’t an uncommon occurrence for him to be seen wrestling the bottle of gin away from hyejoo, strapping in renjun’s seat belt for him, cleaning up yerim’s vomit or carrying an unconscious donghyuck over his shoulder. come to think of it, he fits in just fine. you have often found yourself near him during parties. just kicking back and sitting in a comfortable silence with you drinking and smoking from time to time. he is the one that notices when you’ve had enough and wanted to leave. maybe you’re more alike than you think?

“feeling good?” he asks, smelling the fresh smoke. he turns his head to you and opens one of his eyes.

you only nod and sigh, turning your head back to the ceiling. waves of calmness hit your head, forcing every burden out. you were about to offer him a hit but you remembered that he would only reject it. but you take another for yourself and he can only stare, completely enamored. we watches the smoke escape your lips in slow.

the thing is, he always had some sort of thing for you. a crush? a person he found cool and therefore admired? a person who he found so damn gorgeous all the time? god knows. all he knew was that there was something in you that was so addictive. on the nights where he’d stay sober, he’d watch you sit by his side, quietly drinking up your little movements and habits. even if he hates the taste of alcohol or the smell of gasoline, he loved how your teeth would close around the liquor-wet lime slices that would sit on the side of your cup and how your smoke always finds a way to leave him stained. he would constantly be falling into this fixation of you. you are etched into his mind as the embodiment of perfection even if you have multiple flaws just like he does. his mind constantly lays restless during the most ungodly hours while all of his dreams show you and him in different dimensions. it hurts him to violently like you like this but how can he not resist when the heartache came from you?

“sungchan,” you quietly call out, turning your head back to him, only to see him already staring.

“hm?” he takes one of your hands, in case you wanted to get up and couldn’t walk.

“may i try something?” you ask him, curiously with your hooded eyes barely holding on to consciousness.

“what is it?” he sits up, trying to help.

you gently push him back into the couch and straddle his hips. his eyes slightly widen and his cheeks turn a rosy red.

“ah, y/n, you’re fucking high.” he warns, stroking your hair and leaning further back.

you only giggle. your finger lifts his chin up, making him look directly at you. his shaky eyes are too irresistible.

“tell me when you wanna stop.”

you take the blunt, inhaling deeply. he continues to hold you, admiring the view while he’s at it.

you then gently pulled him closer by the neck (quite slowly incase he wanted to oppose) to leave an open-mouthed kiss on his plum lips to transfer the smoke into his mouth. he does not fight the feeling, how can he when your lips are the softest thing he has ever felt? the smoke began to seep through as he started to move his lips, eliciting a groan from you. is this what euphoria feels like? his grip on your waist tightens as your arms wrap around his neck, prompting him to go further.

sungchan, almost breathless pulls on your bottom lip, bruising them to then pull away to work at your neck, licking and leaving kisses all over. butterflies filled your stomach for the first time in awhile. you never felt this way towards another person in too long. is it love or desperation? you watch the smoke flow away so gracefully around your bodies, despite what just happened. sungchan pulls away and looks at you, his eyes holding the world. you pray that you didn’t frighten him away.

“you do not know how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” he whispers, his forehead against yours. you smile in return, pulling away to place a small kiss on his jaw which clenches from the sudden contact. you rest your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes as his head rests on yours and his cold hands trace patterns against the skin of your back.

“know i think you’re fucking awesome, right?” you hum, making him smile like an idiot.

“hm, no. but i think you should know that i think you’re really fucking awesome, right?” he says holding you tighter and gently swaying from side to side.

“you wanna leave here and get some mcdonalds or something?”

“ooo, what ever happened to the babysitter and designated driver, hm? so what, you plan to leave them here hungover and defenseless?”

“shut up, it’s already dawn. they can take an uber. i just wanna spend time with you right now.”

“alright.”

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

#efa writes! #nct 2020 #nct #nct u #nct dream #nct 127 #sungchan #sungchan imagines #sungchan drabbles #sungchan fluff #nct sungchan #nct imagines #nct u imagines #nct dream imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct timestamps #sungchan timestamps #i wanna jump off a bridge these tags better work

[thereddieficlibrary]

Reddie Soulmates Masterlist pt 1

his favourite colour is yellow. by odetodun (1/1 | 1414 | not rated)

Richie and Eddie have always seen the colours.

more than just a dream by fljghtlessbirds (10/10 | 21648 | mature)

soulmate: (n) “a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.” his whole life, eddie had heard the legends and myths of soulmates. everyone had a unique mark etched onto their body, and their soulmate had the exact same one. eddie still hasn't met his.

The Love Song of Edward T. Kaspbrak by bellatrixblacke (2/2 | 35214 | mature)

"What do you know about Words, Eddie?" Sonia asked.

He reeled back at her question, shocked. What in the Lord's name did words have to do with his mother's untimely death? "Words? Well, they're what we speak, and what we write, and-"

"No, no, not just ordinary words, Eddie," she interrupted him, slightly exasperated. "Words, a person's Words."

Eddie frowned. "A person's words? Like... Like their name?"

Eddie had no idea where his mother was getting at, but he looked at her, saw her wringing hands and the crease on her forehead, and suddenly knew he was about to learn something important.

"Not their name, Eddie, no," she explained. "The Words of their soulmate's song."

Wonky Compass by RanjantheVictor (1/1 | 8558 | teen)

Everyone has a soulmate, and everyone has a mark on their body hinting who that person could be. But marks and soulmates can change.

For Eddie Kaspbrak, figuring it over the years can be quite a challenge.

Our House, in the Middle of Our House by orphan_account (1/1 | 4460 | teen)

Whatever song your soulmate has stuck in their head is resultedly stuck in yours. Eddie, long suffering through mattress commercial jingles and old rock hits, imagines he would kill his soulmate if he had the chance. Or, he would, if he didn't think revenge was a better answer.

Friday, Never Hesitate by wings_g_leviosa (7/7 | 14519 | teen)

The next day, his mother told him to swallow a new pill. Oblong, slightly pink in color. It was bitter on his tongue, and he didn’t like it.

Clue(less) by endversed (1/1 | 8244 | teen)

Every person on this sorry planet wakes up on their seventeenth birthday with a soulmate mark somewhere on their body – but it’s not always easy to figure out. It’s not their name, or their first words to you, or even some kind of matching shape. It’s not anything clearly indicative; nothing concrete (at first).

No, all this mark gives you is a clue.

Cracked and broken. by sweetkisses (1/1 | 15890 | not rated)

Richie is good with words, fuck he's great with words, but he can't seem to say "I love you" to his soulmate, Eddie. Sure, both of their necklaces glow the peach color of love but neither boy has actually said it outloud. Maybe these few months of their junior year can push them to finally say it.

This is a sequel to my other fic, There is a crack right through my heart, you should probably read that first or else you might be a bit confused here.

I Believe A Thing Call Love by ma_cheries (1/? | 3042 | teen)

Soulmate Au- Soulmates wear mood rings but instead of the ring showing there own emotions, it shows their soulmate's mood

your true colours are beautiful (like a rainbow) by eddiefuckinkaspbrak (1/1 | 2371 | teen)

Soulmate AU where you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate.

Resigned to Fate (Fading Away) by punto_y_coma (1/1 | 7712 | teen)

Soulmate AU: Being next to your soulmate heals injuries.

Put Those Colors On by TheMightyChipmunk (2/2 | 16525 | explicit)

Richie Tozier wasn’t funny. He just wasn’t. And Eddie respected Bill for maintaining a friendship with the man since high school, even through Richie’s rise to fame, but no matter how much Eddie loved Bill, he could NOT sit there and pretend to appreciate Richie Tozier's Netflix Special.

“Can you not just sit there and bitch?” Bill asked and Eddie raised his hands in question.

“I didn't say anything!” Eddie argued. Bill rolled his eyes, shoving popcorn in his mouth.

“You’re been making dumb faces this whole time. I can practically hear the judgment rolling off of you.” Bill scolded, “There’s some funny stuff in here, if you get over yourself and... well, parse through the bullshit.” Eddie laughed once, loud and unbelieving.

“Bill, unclench. Eddie’s allowed to not love Richie as much as you do,” Audra said calmly, through a mouthful of Doritos, “I mean, the guy did just make a joke about dick-hole vaping.”

Seriously. Not. Funny.

***

Set in a universe where you don't see color until you hear your soulmate laugh, Eddie really doesn't think Richie is funny. I wonder how that's going to work out for them.

How Not to Be Soulmates by The Red Squirrel (Just_a_Fangirl) (3/17 | 14177 | teen)

When Eddie joined RB Publishing he expected the usual awkwardness that comes with starting a new job - like forgetting someone's name or losing his way to the kitchen. He did not expect to find himself in the middle of an intense office prank war, or to meet someone he hated as much as much as Richie fucking Tozier.

i love you so much it hurts my head by Biltchibo (1/1 | 5037 | teen)

“For the last time, Bill, I'm not going into that fucking shop with you!” Eddie came back to the moment, aggressively stapling the paper once. “That thing is full of flowers, top to bottom and, “ he turned around in his chair, staring pointedly at the man, Bill, across the room, “it’s Pollen Season, do you want me to die?”

or the Flower Shop/Tattoo Parlor Soulmate AU nobody asked for.

The Line Between Love and Hate by hufflepuffkaspbrak (1/1 | 2945 | teen)

They say there's a thin line between love and hate

or the soulmate au where you feel intense emotions with your soulmate & their name appears on your body the first time you touch

desiderium by giraffingallday (1/1 | 2631 | not rated)

He pushed his nose into the soft skin under his jaw, soft prickles itching his face and smoke mixed with a distant smell of plain white soap filling his nose. Richie placed his joint-free hand on the middle of Eddie’s back, just resting there as a heavy solid pressure, and started his story from the top. They weren’t, like, together, but this had always been a bit of a thing for them, the closeness. _

In a world where a soul can only find rest with it's mate, the same is true for Eddie Kaspbrak.

Truth or Dare? by Hand_of_the_Alex (1/1 | 4525 | teen)

When you turn eighteen you are unable to lie to your soulmate. It's Richie's birthday and the losers are going camping.

i fucked your mom by Hand_of_the_Alex (1/1 | 2396 | teen)

Soulmates have a specific phrase on them, a phrase that means something to the two of them.

Eddie has 'I fucked your mom' on his arm,

Soulmate AU: Injuries by HoshiYoshi (1/1 | 1308 | teen)

Soulmates are born with flowers in the places their soulmate is going to be injured in some way that's significant to them.

Beverly has a flower on her abdomen. Mike has flowers around his face and on the inside of his wrists. Richie, on the other hand, has a giant flower on his chest.

sick of losing soulmates by Sunflowers_And_Bluebelles (1/1 | 4934 | general)

That night, Richie was told about soulmates. His mother’s eyes had lit up when Richie told her about the disappearing ink and she quickly ushered him to the dinner table. Everyone could start communicating with them at different ages and Richie was very young compared to others. Soulmates. A person perfectly suited just for you.

the ruby effect by paxamdays (1/1 | 2931 | general)

‘Ruby’ was derived from the word ‘rubatosis’, which in turn had the very vague definition of 'the awareness of your own heartbeat.' Eddie didn't know how one was supposed to be able to feel their own heartbeat, let alone someone else's, but he doesn't make the rules so it didn't matter at all.

•

In which Eddie is a cynic and Richie, in true Richie Tozier fashion, makes truly awful jokes (and neither of them really know how to talk to each other without being fucking awkward, but that's fine.)

It's Always Been You by chucknovak (1/1 | 2342 | teen)

At midnight on their 18th birthday, every person develops a mark somewhere on their body identical to that of their soulmate. Richie Tozier thinks the whole soulmate business is bullshit; there's only one person he wants his soulmate to be, and what if it's not him?

Stop Thinking So Much by eddiesgazebos (1/1 | 1286 | teen)

the one where Eddie meets a new boy that seems to have something VERY special about his mind.

the writing on your skin by eddiefuckinkaspbrak (1/1 | 2498 | teen)

Prompt: The au where whatever you write on yourself shows up on your soulmates body where you wrote it with Eddie and Richie. It would be super cute ❤️

we have traveled (love and pain) by sunsetozier (1/1 | 4929 | teen)

The Prompt: soulmate au where you share intense emotions. like if richie is really sad then eddie feels sad, if one of them gets punched really hard the other one can kind of feel it. reddie are friends but don't realize they're soulmates until they get confronted by bowers or jumped or whatever depending on how old you want to make them and one of them gets hurt and that's how they figure it out.

man, i can't believe dumbledore died by wheezy_trashmouth (3/? | 1312 | mature)

basically. soulmate tattoo au. eddie doesnt Have a soulmate! ....or does he? haha..jk.........unless??

Handcuffs, Feathers, Rings, and Tattoos by inawaragainstreality (21/21 | 41922 | teen)

Richie's always believed in soulmates and he knows that Eddie Kaspbrak is his soulmate. So much so, he's not showing Eddie his soulmate tattoo until Eddie has his. He wants them to be the first people to see each other's.

But then Richie gets into an accident and loses his memory. His family moves away shortly after. Eddie and the rest of the Losers struggle to deal with their lives without Richie as well as what their new tattoos can mean.

Eddie's almost ready to get over his first love (well second) and start his college life when he runs into the last person he would ever want to see.

Soulmates in Paint by ironarm (1/1 | 1602 | general)

Eddie just wants to hand in his art project, Richie wants to get his number, and apparently, soulmates are a thing.

Eds by Ness09 (1/1 | 7910 | not rated)

When Eddie wakes up on his sixteenth birthday, he finds Eds tattooed onto his skin, but Richie has already found his soulmate. A lot of people hide their soulmate tattoos, but none of them are friends with Richie Tozier.

hard to see this time of night by eddiespaghetti (foxwatson) (1/1 | 8587 | teen)

For 27 years, Eddie Kaspbrak doesn't remember his dreams. Something about him is just broken. But after everything, in Derry, when he falls asleep - he dreams.

at once i knew i was not magnificent by wishie (2/2 | 11651 | general)

Soulmates make romance easier, but they are not, after all, a guarantee. Richie finds this out the hard way, and Eddie realizes the problems with forever. (Or, Richie and Eddie fall apart.)

regrets by r_eddie (1/1 | 2145 | teen)

Where people can feel what their soulmate feels when they touched and things that are hidden safely in their mind are blurted out unexpectedly.

-

The second Richie accidentally touched Eddie, they instantly knew that they were soulmates. But the problem was that they couldn't even stand being in the same room as each other. When their friends found out, they became determined to help them realize what they're missing out in front of them.

i've lived and died a hundred times by bughead (1/1 | 6167 | general)

In a rare moment of genuinity, Eddie whispers, “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

Eddie and Richie's souls are connected, and they've met millions of times throughout history.

(or, some souls are just meant to meet, one way or another)

I Lost Who We Are by richietoaster (1/1 | 4534 | teen)

Richie frowns, “You can go home if you want to. I won’t be mad at you.”

“I don’t want to. I like hanging out with you. I don’t know, it’s weird..” Eddie looks up at the sky as if he’s trying to think about how to word what he’s trying to say, “You know how magicians, like.. Pull a rabbit out of their hats?”

Richie nods. “I love magic! The card tricks are always cool-io.”

“Yeah.. I’m the rabbit. I appear. And it’s like you’re a magician.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

Eddie shrugs, “I don’t think I do, either."

how do you sleep when you lie to me? by stansrichie (1/1 | 3331 | not rated)

reddie soulmate au where when you write on your skin, it’ll show up on your soulmates skin as well so eddie started wearing long sleeves… until one day, he doesn’t.

Bless You by reddiebitch (1/1 | 1494 | teen)

Soulmate AU where you sneeze at the same time as your soulmate, and Richie has terrible allergies.

The Water Will Carry Me to You by LuddleBubble (1/1 | 8813 | general)

Richie Tozier dreams about his soulmate every night, but he had no idea what they look like, sound like, or even what their name is. It's like that for everyone with soulmates- they interact in their dreams without really giving away their identities. The only way of knowing who your soulmate is, is that you have to meet them out in the world. Of course, you won't know right away, just once you go to sleep that night and you see their face. Richie isn't really looking for his soulmate on this particular day, but instead is just looking to have some fun with his friends. But that's how it works, isn't it? You only find something when you aren't looking for it.

Love me, please? by hoeziertozier (1/1 | 2346 | general)

Everyone has a mark on their body from birth that only they can see. It becomes visible to their soulmate once they fall in love with them. This means that you can love a number of people in your life, but only one of them is your soulmate.So even though everything might be set in stone from the beginning, at least you still get to experience the whole ride of falling in love, and the heartbreak that comes with it being the wrong the person. But he was Richie Tozier, and the universe was never on his side.

best part of me is you by eddiefuckinkaspbrak (1/1 | 2076 | teen)

Eddie and Richie are soulmates who can feel each others immediate emotions. Fluffy! 

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fics #reddie fanfiction #reddie masterlist #soulmates #masterlist #masterlists #soulmates masterlist #au

[witchqueenofthemoon]

BODY AND SOUL Part 26 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: So I was almost done editing this part in Tumblr earlier today and then my laptop, for some reason, decided to close the window, and of course I hadn’t saved it as a draft, so I lost everything I’d formatted! Including my many meticulous links for this chapter that has about 235453636 details! So, that was great!!! I had to start from scratch and find everything again (thank goddess for Google search history for once), and it took a really fucking long time--your encouraging comments for this part in particular would mean a lot because knowing anyone is actually reading will soften my deep frustration at spending literally my entire day on posting this chapter. I’ve said this before but this fic is primarily about two things: 1) big cosmic fucking love (emphasis on the FUCKING) and 2) CLOTHES, hence me elaborating on their outfits constantly ad nauseam, so if you’re ever wondering why I talk about their clothes so goddamn much, it’s because clothes are very erotic/important to me and they are a big part of the way I tell a story, especially this one. Kenzie manifests Telekinesis in this part. Oberon and Titania are the fabled King and Queen of the Fae, and the lines Duncan and Kenzie speak to each other are from Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream. Kenzie sings CRYSTAL to Duncan before they sleep--that song is very important to Duckenzie, and it will probably show up again before the end. Kenzie’s outfit in this part/part of the next: her wrap crop top, her cut-off shorts, her black bikini, her Vans. Other stuff she packs: the rust-colored mini dress, the pink rose mini-dress, the white mini-dress, the white crop top, the denim shortalls, her Timberland boots, her boot sandals, the black dress with the buckle, the gray cardigan, the gray long-sleeved top, the long linen dress with roses. I can’t find the original sunflower-colored maxi dress I based hers on now; it was sort of like this but with short sleeves. Duncan’s outfit in this part: his button-down, his jersey shorts, his Suede Pumas. Other stuff he packs: the navy flannel, the other button-down, the Nike club hoodie, the zip-up hoodie, chino shorts, tee shirts, relaxed chinos, Nike hiking boots, fitted chinos, the feather shirt Kenzie likes, his black swim trunks. My Duncan doesn’t wear jeans, and Kenzie rarely wears pants; that’s just their stylistic preferences. His suitcase, her suitcase, her moon and sun tote. The Yeti coolers look like this and apparently keep stuff cold, like, FOREVER. Here’s the stargazing book, which I have. Duncan’s gold weed pipe looks like this and was inspired by these pictures of Cody smoking a weird vape, and also was inspired by the fact that he’s apparently (sources tell me) a big stoner irl, which I love. Pullman’s The Golden Compass/Northern Lights is indeed about parallel universes, among other things. I had to make them listen to Kiiara’s Gloe, a song that definitely sounds like it’s about Duckenzie, as I mentioned before. The Blue Skies remix is this one by Maya Jane Coles. I’m the bitch who has loved WUTHERING HEIGHTS fiercely since middle school, hence me giving Kenzie that love/a good recollection of it. I love writing their little conversations so fucking much--just my moon babies, in love. The route to Deep Creek Lake really is via a road called Lakeside Trail. The luxury cabin was inspired by two different models, this one for the front, this one for the back. The gazebo looks like this, more or less. The front room looks sort of like this, but with darker wood, no TV, a bigger fireplace (something like this, with dark stone around instead of the white wood), and not as much taxidermy. The Swarovski chandelier is like this. The bed is like this, the headboard like this, the gold laurels, and Annie Swynnerton’s Cupid and Psyche, which, fuck it, I’m saying is the real thing that Annette bought at an auction at some point (now I want a print of that one too, I love it so much, especially the flower crown in Cupid’s hair). The copper bathtub will feature again soon. I looked at this photo of Billie and this one of Cody a lot while I wrote this chapter; that’s my Kenzie and my Duncan. I said this to Luna ( @misslunarayne ) yesterday--but sometimes I get so overwhelmed by how much I love what I’m creating that I legitimately feel like I’m going to pass the fuck out. ART AND LOVE ARE THE DRUG, LADIES/GENTS/NONBINARY FOLKS. As ever, your likes, reblogs, asks, comments and edits mean the world to me. Get ready for ~a lot~ of fucking in the next chapter.

And here at the end of the evening, watching the night lights of the District of Columbia scatter and disperse as Duncan drove them back to the penthouse, Kenzie was full of contentment.

It washed over her like water, like a tide; to be inside this moment with you, Duncan, is like the purest solitude. To be inside your mind as I know you’re in mine, and to feel so much peace inside that certainty. Despite the pressing chaos of the Gala, a chaos that had tried unsuccessfully to disturb them, Kenzie knew that in the future, she’d only retain the joy from this night in her memories: Lindy and Gabby in their floral dresses, tears in Lindy’s eyes, the purity of the happiness Kenzie had felt in Duncan’s arms as the photographers snapped their cameras wildly, the way Duncan had fucked her so passionately, so utterly, his voice dipping into her ear (you are the greatest pleasure I’ve ever felt, will ever feel, you’re mine and I’m infinitely blessed) his lips open on her neck, the press of the plug still inside her now, holding him inside her, the look of him leaning next to Day, his face serene, happy, and oh-so-deeply beautiful, the nostalgic joy in his gaze as he had flipped through the mythology book now safely resting on her lap. The dark beauty of him now, the dark shadow shrouding his blue gaze, glancing at her singing, the adoration in his eyes so strong it made her shiver.

“I love you so much,” he said, his tone resolute and aching, then with his mind, I love you so much, I love you, love you, love you forever angel, my angel, divine goddess his thoughts echoed against her, devolving down into blue warmth like a fading fire. “Baby, we finally get to be alone. Really alone. Oh god, I can’t wait. I might never want to come back. Would you come live in the woods with me, wild and free, Princess Kenzie?” Duncan’s gold Cartier bracelet glinted on his elegant wrist as he deftly jerked the steering wheel, his eyes glancing between her and the road, that angelic smile playing at his mouth, dizzying her. As it always will.

“I would, Fae Prince,” Kenzie drifted her fingers along the frayed edges of the mythology book, gazing up at him from the halo of her eyelashes. She felt the waves of his delight at that--the shy approval of his acceptance. The romance of this evening is ours. It exists because it exists between us. That’s all there is--this. Us. And you truly are my Prince.  “Oberon of the fairies.”

“Am I not thy lord, Titania?” Duncan grinned at her, and the blue depth of his eyes flashed darkly, and Kenzie’s breath caught. Oh sweet Goddess, you are. My body is yours and you know it is. My soul clings to yours as though it’s the lifeblood of me. Your soul is mine and the knowledge of you encircles my heart and I’m overcome in its beauty. You are my lord. You are my Hades in your shadowed majesty, my Dionysus in your wanton desire for me, if I am Titania, you are Oberon most assuredly, the moon to my sun, the sun to my moon, the sky that holds the stars of me, and my lord. Always.

“Then I must be thy lady,” Kenzie replied, reaching for his hand--Duncan grasped it with fingers hot and insistent, his thoughts bursting with warmth at her words, pulling them away a moment later as he turned the steering wheel again, onto the side-street where the high-rise was tucked off the main road, in its serene stretch of manicured lawn. The moon was silhouetted in almost the very center of the sky, not quite descending west yet. The G-Class shut off with almost no sound at all--its sleek, streamlined affect seemed almost intelligent, knowing. Kenzie looked up into the sky, gentle moonlight kissing her cheeks as she slid out of the passenger seat, brushing her hair from her shoulders--waves of it had freed themselves from Hannah’s ordered mess of roses and Kenzie watched several petals scatter on the sidewalk around her as her hand fell. She turned to Duncan, who had exited the car, coming up behind her, his hand drifting across the back of her head, down the cascade of her rosy hair. His eyes were on the petals that had fallen to the ground, then he looked at her as she turned to him, her hair still sliding through his fingers, and she could feel the ache of his mind, knew what he was thinking, saw his earnest vulnerability, felt the pounding of his heart, heard the rapid beating of her own.

I want to ask you to marry me, he was thinking. I want to ask you, Kenzie. I want to so much...

Kenzie shook her head a little, her mouth dipping open, her hand coming up to his stubbled cheek--in that hazy ring of moonlight, the stars shrouded by city lights but still almost visible above them, in that cocoon of night, and the rest of the world seemed to be utterly still but for the distant sounds of traffic far off in the distance, the slightness of the summer wind.

Not yet, Duncan. Not yet. Wait until we find out--find out whatever it is. The thing that’s coming. You feel it too. I know you do, as certainly as the dawn, as the moon in the sky right now. It’s almost here. The knowledge--the secret thing.

“Wait,” Kenzie whispered, and Duncan’s hands came down to her cheeks, and he held her there with such a delicate sweetness Kenzie felt herself immediately begin to cry. A tear drifted down from her eye to his thumb, and Duncan brushed it away, his mouth falling open in dismay. She smiled--it’s okay, baby, my sweet Prince, it’s okay. My tears are a relief to me inside your love. It moves me so much, I have to cry. “Just wait a little bit longer. Just a little longer, okay?”

Duncan was nodding, and Kenzie could see the threat of tears on him, too--he drifted his fingers against her for another moment, his face, shrouded in shadow and angelic as a painting on the roof of some holy chapel, leaning down to her, his height enveloping her, filling her with solace. The wind was drifting into his curls, and Kenzie felt utterly moved by what seemed to be on the horizon--she felt lost inside its rising call, the feeling of it suddenly swirling around them like a whirling sphere of gold, the sidewalk deserted, the night so quiet. It was as if they’d suddenly been transported to another universe, imperceptibly, in the hair’s-breadth span of a moment. Everything looked the same, but the air was different, charged with a potency that seemed alien. Because that other universe is always so close, Kenzie thought, her mind hazy with Duncan’s eyes. Isn’t it? That’s true, isn’t it, baby? That other universe, and all of them, hovering nearby.

Then the thought, imperceptible, obtuse--and the feeling--drifted away. Duncan still seemed to be lost inside her mind, in her gaze--she could feel him, rosy and desirous, falling down the curves of her body, the invisible touch of him along the golden gown she still wore, the fingers of his soul at her throat, imagining her in the throes of his passionate attentions. Kenzie shivered, then gently pulled his hand down from her cheek; Duncan dutifully gathered her train over his arm, and they walked down the pathway to the high-rise’s entrance with the moon shining on them, watchful, and its face seemed familiar again, no longer the hidden moon from a moment ago, Kenzie thought, but our moon again, though I know the other moon--those other moons--are always behind this one, aren’t they? Those other moons live beside our moon, and together they echo through time. Tonight there’s a thinness--and in that thinness, there are visible things that will vanish when daylight comes again.

It was well past midnight now, and neither Anchaly or Jerry were anywhere to be seen--a security guard sat in Anchaly’s usual seat at the front desk, and he glanced up at Duncan and Kenzie, then did a nervous double-take. Kenzie smiled at him, yep it’s us, those Instagram stars, then Duncan was pulling her with him into the elevator out of the guard’s eyesight, and she was falling against him, the book and her clutch in her arms pressing into his belly; she could see that Duncan had closed his eyes in the mirror in front of them, and his face was lined with tiredness now, the makeup there no longer able to conceal it. Lost in the feeling of you, my constant comfort, my Kenzie, and Kenzie closed her eyes too, turning her nose into his shirt and breathing deeply, her hands coming up to clutch at the lapels of his jacket, the golden tips of his collar.

“I can’t believe we can finally be alone together, baby,” she whispered. “I can’t believe it. Really alone. I’ve missed the woods so much--and we’ll be together--”

“Wait until you see it, baby,” Duncan said as they walked to the penthouse door. He was tiredly reaching for his wallet, but his hand slipped and he dropped it--Kenzie smiled, dipping down to pick it up, holding her clutch and the mythology book against her chest with her elbows, opening it, loving the feeling of the leather in her fingers (because it’s his, because it belongs to him) as she pulled his keycard out (there were at least ten other cards in it, and at least ten or twelve hundred dollar bills alongside two dozen crisp twenty dollars bills--Kenzie recognized his Black AmEx immediately amid several other American Express cards, scrunched her nose up at his license for a moment, SHEPHERD, DUNCAN MALCOLM, then the penthouse address, SEX M, HGT 5’11”, WGT 160, EYES BLU, DOB 07/06/1988, his solemn expression in it crushing her heart with affection), swiping it through the keypad beside the door. She tucked the keycard back inside the wallet and then, in a moment of abandon, lifted it to her mouth and kissed it. Duncan gave her a look of deep longing, lifting his chin back, eyes closing, biting his lip--then Kenzie reached behind her head, grasping the softness of one of the rose buds there, gently pulled at the petals--two in dark, aching red came out in her fingers, and she opened the side-nook of the wallet, slipping the petals inside.

“Just a memory of tonight,” she murmured, and slid the wallet back into his back pocket, her fingers lingering along the rise of his ass. Duncan dipped and caught her mouth inside his--he pulled the penthouse door open absently as they clung together, refusing to break apart as they stumbled inside, his hand coming down to press at the aching plug (still there, still pressing into me, aching with you now, aching with the length of my supplication to you, holding your release deep inside me). The tiredness in her seemed to dissipate now; she felt his lifting too, lifting in the cadence of his desire rising again. Kenzie noticed several shipping boxes piled by the kitchen island from the haze of his embrace, throwing the book and her clutch down on the obsidian surface, remembering the things she’d ordered for the trip a few days before, then returned to his touch, the feeling of his fingers.

“Bed. Come, baby.” Kenzie broke away from him, not even bothering to unwrap her shoes--you can do it in our bed, beloved. You will undress me. She ran to the bedroom, her train slipping from his fingers, away from him because she knew he’d follow, suddenly intoxicated with their bed’s serene black surface as it came into view--threw herself on it, watching with delight as the golden train of her dress floated out behind her, stretching off the bed in gathers that pilled along the dark wood. She turned from the position on her belly, crooking her knees as Duncan followed her into the room--he was suddenly on top of her, his much larger form enveloping her, pushing her gently down so her back was facing him, his legs on either side of her hips, his crotch pressing gently into her ass--his long fingers were instantly at the concealed zipper along her spine, pressing it down insistently. As he went lower he slid off the bed, hands coming up to begin to ease the sleeves from her arms, pulling her toward him with ease, and Kenzie turned to face him, laying on her back now as Duncan peeled the dress off her breasts. His mouth came down to one of her nipples as it came free, and Kenzie shuddered against him, against his lips, his hands working the dress down now, lips reluctantly pulling away so he could ease the dress from her hips, exposing the delicate panties he’d carefully helped her into again in that quiet powder room. Duncan had the exquisite dress Morgan had created for Kenzie in his hands now--Kenzie went to get up, but Duncan shook his head.

“Don’t, baby. Stay here.” Kenzie lay back, still wearing her golden heels and panties, her eyelids shivering, her breath gasping now in anticipation, rose petals scattered on the sheet behind her head. Duncan disappeared into the walk-in closet for a moment, then reappeared a moment later without her dress. Too beautiful a thing to discard on the floor this time, she knew, and nodded to him, loving his thoughtfulness, his mindfulness. Duncan came up to the edge of the bed, his dark and gold jacket shimmering down at her, his darkly-shadowed eyes roving from her hair scattered on the bed around her to her breasts, her nipples shivering with hardness, then he dipped his (beautiful) hands to the waistband of her panties, pulling them down as he kneeled before her, kneeled before their bed. Your altar, she heard him, and she trembled, her body feeling too hot and too cold at once inside his blue eyes. Duncan.worked at the ties at her ankles with his graceful long hands, kissing the inclines of her feet as he pulled the shoes off, carefully setting them aside. Kenzie glanced over his shoulder, watching the shape of his back, the velvety gold of his blazer, the soft fall of his hair, kneeling before her in the Mirror. My Prince kneels before me, oh, fuck, Goddess--

“Do you want me to undress?” He asked her; and his thoughts were intensely earnest, his mind interested only in her needs, making her think of evening clouds drifting in an indigo sunset. Oh Duncan, you are so beautiful inside. So fucking lovely. I feel selfish to behold this part of you, this hidden wondrous beauty of you, but I can’t help it, I want it all to myself. Beloved, exalted in my eyes. You’re so beautiful to look at, but oh, Goddess, your real beauty is the one the world cannot see, and I am moved by him, that hidden self, body and soul.

“No--” Kenzie gasped as the cool air of the room drifted against the sensitivity of the plug, the hardness of her nipples, and her arms broke out in goosebumps. She moved her thighs apart as his hands pressed insistently up the incline of her legs, felt the lips of her sex spread open for him, the stretch of her asshole around the plug, wet with the residue of his come. “I want you to suck on me, Prince, give your mouth to me with your come held inside my naked body, worship my body that belongs to you--”

“Kenzie, fuck,” he whispered, then Duncan brought his face down close to the open lips of her, laving out his tongue, wet with spit that dripped from his aching mouth, to press insistently to her clit, lingering there as she writhed inside his grasp for a moment, lifting her chin to the ceiling and moaning in a soft, prolonged stream that she knew would drive him insane with longing--then one of his hands was drifting from her thigh to her belly, from her belly to pinch insistently at her breast, twisting her nipple in a hard grip that made her gasp, then drifting up further to her neck, to where she still wore Adelaide’s braided golden ruby, and Duncan pressed his elegant, achingly lovely hand into her there, and gripped her tightly as he sucked, hard and unrelenting, at her clit. Kenzie’s hips bucked up in a keening roll that bled into a steady rhythm, the whining cries from her sent out like entreating prayers to him, and she was murmuring his name, her hands thrown back, palms open at either side of her head, knowing he wanted her to stay still, knowing he wanted to hold her under his mercy in this moment, murmuring to him to try to keep herself from coming already, fuck, not yet, I want you to give me everything, my Prince, I dream of your mouth on me always, your devotions. The pressure of the plug in her ass was sending shocks up her spine with every convulsion of her cunt under his lips and tongue, and his hand at her throat was sweet with constriction.

“Choke me, baby,” she heard herself, whimpering, “Ch-choke me and suck my clit, I’m your angel baby and I n-need you--need you--fuck me with your mouth--”

“Mmmhm,” Duncan’s mouth was buried flush against her, but Kenzie could feel the rolling vibrations of his lips humming against her, and his hand was pressing with measured strength, harder, into her neck, the feeling of his fingers so intense they seemed to burn against her. Kenzie let out a little gasp, and Duncan moved his hand up to the dip of where her jaw began at the top of her throat; with careful insistence he pressed her chin back so her eyes couldn’t see him, were forced to look towards the wall behind them, the empty wall that she’d said they should put something on--for a brief second, Kenzie contemplated this again, wildly--we really should put something on that wall, something beautiful--and then Duncan was raising his head to rest his chin for a moment on her abdomen, still forcing her head back, his other hand coming down to rub at her clit so she’d have no reprieve from his attentions.

“Kenzie, you taste like fucking heaven, baby, like the fucking nectar of heaven, like ambrosia, you taste like wine made from the apples of trees that grow in paradise, I dream about the sweet scent of your cunt now and I wake up in hunger for you, all I want is you, you bless me to let me worship you this way, princess of heaven, my flower of the universe--”

Kenzie was shivering under his hand, her hips trembling, and she tried to move back from his fingers, loathe to come yet, loathe to miss his fingers touching her with such terrible sweetness, and she was murmuring between her gasping, heard herself say “put your fingers in my mouth, baby, make me suck on you too,” and he was nodding, bringing his index and middle fingers up to her wet, shuddering bottom lip, pulling her head back down to look at him, dipping them inside her to press on her tongue for a moment before drifting up so she could close her mouth on him, his other fingers still holding her head back, still keeping her steady, prostrate, and Kenzie sucked desperately at his (those hands, for me alone, let me worship you too, baby) fingers, whimpered into the feeling of his skin, and Duncan was burying his mouth against her again, his tongue gentle now, but no less insistent, dipping against her until she keened once more, keened against his arm pressed along her body between her breasts, holding her down for him, you like keeping me here, don’t you, baby, she drifted against him, you like holding me down, making me writhe for you, my angelic love--

“Fuck, yes,” Duncan’s reply was spoken aloud, and Kenzie knew he wanted to speak his longing into her, not just press his love to her sex, but speak it into the room, fill every corner with it. “I do, baby, I fucking do, I love you all to myself this way,” and he was licking along the curve of the lips of her sex, down to the dip of skin before the plug pushed snugly inside her, “Unng, baby, fuck, you taste so good--wait till we’re in the woods, I’m gonna fuck you every hour, fuck you until we’re so exhausted we have to sleep all day, and then we’ll wake up and fuck again, I’ll worship you again and again, into the night, under the stars, all through the day until the sun is dipping low in the sky--” he was dipping his fingers in and out of the wetness of her mouth now, making her moan with the sensation of being filled so with his lips and his fingers and the plug, still sending its shockwaves through her back every time Duncan made her cunt twinge; the space between her convulsions was becoming smaller and smaller, and she was beginning to see golden bursts of need in the corners of her vision, bearing down on her--Duncan seemed to sense how close she was treading to her orgasm, and he continued to speak against her between his admonitions, dipping his tongue into the shuddering twinge of her vulva, then long and languid at her clit, then speaking the sweet, ardent poem into her, his breath so shivering-soft, brushing down onto the wetness gathering strongly between her legs, her arousal and his saliva mingling irrevocably--Duncan brought his hand away from her mouth to grasp her under both thighs, hitching her knees over his shoulders so she was lifted up utterly, into his face, his eyes closing in the throes of his ardency, shrouding them in the dark eyeshadow still on him, reminding her of some holy fresco painted dark, a pious congregant in ecstatic worship, an achingly lovely visage of a damned soul finally redeemed. I love your eyelashes, your sweet eyelids, the incline of your cheeks, your mouth, fu-fuck, your beautiful fucking mouth, Duncan, how--how are you mine--

“You’re my angel, you’re fucking heaven to me--you’re a fucking goddess, even now you’re dipped in gold, the gold is you, it’s you, only you, exalted, beloved, entire, my only--” Duncan brought his fingers down, pressing them into the plug, pulling gently at it so she cried out at the smooth pressure of the bulb against the opening of her there as he flushed his mouth onto the bud of her again, “--So fucking beautiful I never want to look away from you, Kenzie--so fucking beautiful you fill all of my senses and time means nothing against you--nothing, uhhh, fuck, Kenzie--my fucking beautiful angel, god, I fucking love your body, I want to hold it forever--my Princess, sweetest golden honey, my moonlight, come for me, come for me, come against my lips, come into me--” and he was lifting his mouth away, bringing the hand that had toyed with the plug up, raising a flat palm to give her a little testing slap along the spread lips of her sex--Kenzie whined and bucked up into the air, her knees over his shoulders, his mouth hovering near her, smiling that smile beyond the beauty of her imagining, and she was whimpering again, and now she was begging, “Fuck, baby, please, do it again, I’m so close,” and Duncan’s face went slack with adoration, a little moan escaping him too to see her beg, to hear the sweetness of it, she knew--

Then he brought his palm down more harshly, the sound of it snapping into the wetness between her legs as he slapped her clit with a concentrated, sharp pressure, and Kenzie cried out, her eyes closing with an involuntary, ragged intake of breath--the coil of her orgasm was making her thighs begin to shake uncontrollably now, and she knew Duncan could see it in her eyes, see that she was about to let go for him, and he yanked her across the black sheet to the edge of the bed, so she was intently against him, as close as he could possibly clutch her to his open mouth, bringing both hands down to her face, one grasping at her neck again, against the cool gold of the necklace, oh god, Adelaide, if you could see where your necklace is now, Kenzie thought wildly, under the hot fingers of your grandson fucking the life out of me with his tongue, his other hand dipping around the space under her ear, his thumb probing into her mouth again, dipping harshly into the crook of it, forcing her lips open to him, wanting my mouth open to him, she knew, could feel his desire like an intense bluish flood, felt his thumb move down to her bottom lip and press it open, could feel the satisfaction in him when her moan needled up.

He leaned back from her cunt just long enough to spit a rivulet of saliva down onto her clit, then he pressed his tongue there again and she was dazzled with bursts of glittering anticipation, down from her mind into her body to her thighs, and Kenzie whimpered into his fingers, a whimper that became a wailing convulsion--Duncan did not ease his mouth, rather rebounded onto her as the plug tormented at her, pressing into her as her thighs shook, the shiver moving down her legs and down through the center of her abdomen, coursing out in tendrils of white-hot pleasure from his mouth’s avid attention.

Kenzie’s chin lifted back as she came now, her voice pressing out an sobbing cry that rattled every corner of her mind--she felt Duncan’s hands press more harshly into her mouth, harder into her neck, bringing dips of darkness into her vision, could feel the shuddering of her cunt under his mouth, the reverberations of the plug, and tears were coursing down her cheeks in an instant--she was crying in earnest now, but unlike the tears from earlier tonight, prompted by the terrible hate in Bill Shepherd’s agonized eyes and her own rebounded sadness toward the people who had surrounded Duncan for so much of his life, these tears were ecstatic, astounded at the fullness she felt inside this moment with him, utterly shaken by the feeling drifting out of him in surges that felt like a kiss on every inch of her.

Duncan heard her sobs now, she knew, because he’d lifted his eyes up to her from his pressing diligence between her legs--he lifted his mouth away as she came down from the edge, and his arms were lifting her limp, spent body into him now, sliding up onto the bed as he held her so his knees were against the black sheet, sliding her naked body up to the pillow to set her head gently against it, scattering rose petals as he did from her hair now coming undone, his mouth, wet with her sex, coming to kiss along her cheek and jaw. His arms were caressing at her, up and down her waist, along the dips of her breasts and against her neck, but with aching gentleness now, and Kenzie felt like she was on fire with his touch, could barely catch her breath with her tears. She grasped at his velvet jacket, her hands trailing at the gold collar, lifting up to his hair, to his cheek with its sweet stubble, and her tears were terribly hot and their salt fell between her lips, a relief inside the depth of her love for him in that moment.

“Shhhh, baby, shhhhh--” and Duncan was hovering over her, hands coming up to her hair and her cheek, soothing over her there, his elbows crooked on either side of her body, his much larger one enveloping her with his dark velvets and silky shirt, the heavy heat of him, the overwhelming musky-sandalwood-woods scent of him, his desire and his love, the scent of her sex lingering near her cheek now from his mouth as he kissed along her skin, making her sigh and shake, drying her tears. “I love you, Kenzie, baby, I love you--” and she could feel his thoughts, knew that he could sense her relief, the depth of the calmness settling into her now, sense how good (so fucking good baby fucking fuck I love you too Duncan I love you) he had made her feel, and she could feel him smiling into her cheek, feel his joy at her joy and her peace, and she wished this moment could extend, on and on, its perfection shaking her heart.

“It is perfect, isn’t it,” he whispered against her, and she could feel the tininess of his eyelashes as his eyes closed against her, and she felt close to her tears again, had to scrunch her face so they wouldn’t begin anew, and Duncan was saying “oh, Kenzie, oh, baby, if you want to cry, it’s okay--” and she was pressing her arms around the back of his hair, pulling him down against her so she fell into the space of his arms with his head beside her on the pillow, pressed her wet cheek against his heart, tucking her arms down between them against her mouth, bringing her legs together, shivering at the sensitivity of her sex, the deep moisture there from her release and his mouth. His cheek pressed into the crown of her hair, his fingers tangling in the roses that were drifting apart in the chestnut waves scattered behind her. Kenzie sighed again--a deep, shuddering sigh, a sigh that she knew was pushing away everything from the past two days, pushing it away from him too, insisting that now, beginning now, starting now, under this moon, like the all-knowing eye of some resplendent white goddess, and away from the other, prying eyes of everyone and everything, they’d worship each other in earnest, get lost--it’s time to get lost in each other, my dearest love. The days to come belong to us and us alone.

“Wait till you see it,” he was whispering into her hair. “Fuck, baby, I’m never going to want to leave, I know it already--even imagining being with you there feels like--like a beautiful dream. We’ll light a bonfire, we’ll bring the big blanket out under the summer sky, there’s this patch a quarter of a mile from the cabin, the trees part and the sky is totally spread out, and you can see everything at night--” Kenzie felt herself calming, let herself float inside the sound of his voice--the penthouse was blessedly quiet, any sounds from the world outside hushed, 30 stories down, far away. This is the only thing I want in the world right now, she knew, just to be here with you, the memory of your mouth still lingering on me, your hands in my hair, the jasmine-cedar scent of you, the beating of your heart against me.

“There are so many goldenrods in the summer, too, and last time there were all these wild orchids--Annette and Bill had this weekend retreat with all these Congress members, god, it was awful--but--one evening I escaped from everyone and went off in the woods alone and the light was falling so sweetly on them, everything was bathed in soft gold and deep blue, and I think I hoped for you that night, Kenzie, I think I longed for you, even though I didn’t know it was you I was thinking of, I didn’t know it was you I was missing so terribly, but it was, wasn’t it? It was you all along...it’s always been you. I know that now.”

Kenzie lifted her chin up from where it had been pressed against him, and Duncan brought his mouth down onto her, and their kiss was dream-soft and so earnest from him it almost pained her, his mind aching against her--she could feel the slight weight of his cock on her leg through where the pants still constricted him, knowing he was hovering around his arousal again, but also feeling the depth of his tiredness, the sincerity of his emotion inside the memory of his loneliness. He leaned away, the blue of his eyes so bright they didn’t seem real, then he pushed himself up, hand drifting down to her hip, looking down at her, his elbow crooked so his face hovered over her.

“I’m starving, baby,” Kenzie murmured up to him, sleepiness tinging her voice, her hands drifting at his velvet arms. The pillow was so soft under her head, his fingers so soothing on her skin--her eyes closed for a moment as Kenzie surrendered to the wave of tiredness that washed over her. Your touch is home. It’s the highest of all pleasures, the most soothing thing I’ve ever felt. Your touch.

“Okay, baby, hang on--don’t fall asleep yet,” and she felt Duncan kiss her cheek, his lips drifting down to press more along her skin, two kisses, three, four--then he lifted away from her and she opened her eyes, turning to watch his velvet back retreat, his hand drifting through the back of his hair--he glanced back at her, eyes adoring, and she smiled, bringing her hands down to drift between her legs, I can still feel your mouth there, and he grinned shyly (still shy of me, I can’t believe it), disappearing through the doorway.

A moment later she heard him call to her from the kitchen, his voice amused and curious. “Baby, what’s in all these boxes?” She could hear the small sounds of him moving around there, but not their precision--she waited for a moment, still floating inside her post-orgasm, not answering. Duncan reappeared after a few more beats, having removed his shoes and blazer now, a black bowl in one hand and a Waterford glass in the other. He slid onto the bed again, holding the glass down to her. Kenzie propped herself up against the headboard, clutching it in two hands and drinking greedily. The water was wonderfully cold and clear, and it brushed some of the sleepiness from her mind. She sat up more, feeling the plug pressing into her as her ass brushed along the sheets; she shivered out a little moan, and could see the desire flit across Duncan’s gaze again. She smiled at him and leaned over to set the glass on his nightstand; he passed her the bowl now, hand dipping down to her thigh. It had another bunch of the crimson grapes they’d been eating earlier (The Youth of Bacchus, Kenzie thought, fighting the urge to run to the study to look at it right now, thrilled with knowledge that she could if she wanted to, for it hung there), a handful of raw almonds, and a long bar of very dark chocolate in six segments that looked almost black in the low bedroom light.

“Ooo, baby,” and she was squealing with delight at the chocolate, reaching for it with insistent fingers, crossing her legs under her against the sheet. She broke a piece off and lifted it up to his mouth--Duncan’s teeth snatched it out of her fingers and Kenzie couldn’t help but laugh--being with you. She leaned up to kiss him, the sweet, dark taste of the chocolate mingling in their mouths. Being with you is heaven.

“What’s in all those boxes?” Duncan asked again, reaching for some of the grapes, popping them in his mouth, then reaching up to his collar and beginning to unbutton it. He pulled the hem of the shirt out of his belt, easing it off his arms, then worked at the buckle as his eyes drifted over her nakedness--Kenzie felt shy under his gaze, wondering again if that feeling would ever fade. Caught in the eyes of this beautiful boy--truly beautiful, a face that a sculptor would die to render, Michael the Archangel, David trapped in stone, fairest Adonis. And he kneels to me. Kneels and worships ME.

“Stuff I ordered for our trip,” she replied, breaking off more chocolate, twining golden strands of hair around her finger, recalling. “Ghost stories--” she wiggled her fingers at him and he laughed, “--and some quilts and blankets for our bed--I want it to be extra cozy--and for stargazing, a fireside cooking kit--we can make tinfoil dinners, those are so fun--and, well, a bunch of clothes--” and she grinned at him, loving the way his face immediately went soft with the prospect, enthralled with the mere mention of such a thing. Baby, she thought, you get to watch me get dressed every day now, every fucking day, you care stare as much as you want.

“--including these tiny little cutoff shorts, and a little black bikini,” she added, lowering her voice to a whisper as she spoke, letting her mouth hang open at the end, her eyes teasing him.

“Fuck,” Duncan leaned in to kiss her, and as he did he bit gently at her bottom lip, sucking for a moment and then releasing her--and then he was dropping his belt on the floor to the side of the bed, bringing his legs over it to ease the pants off, then his socks, then his briefs, discarding them all in a heap, freeing his partially-hard cock. He looked over at her, reached for the chocolate in her hand, fingers drifting down her skin, then breaking another piece off and dipping it into his mouth (your lips, baby). Then he rose with a teasing glance of his own to her, and went into the bathroom--Kenzie admired his ass as he did, blushing a little into her chocolate. Round and smooth. I wanna bite it. She heard the water running, and set the remainder of the chocolate in the bowl, sliding off the bed, wincing a little at the soreness of the plug still inside her.

Kenzie stepped into the bathroom; Duncan was washing his face, and she glanced down, watching the dark makeup swirl down the drain. The Gala really is finally over. I’m so relieved, honestly. Now it feels like I can breathe again. Like we can breathe. This revelation from Annette may have actually been a blessing in disguise. Time to run away with you for awhile, my love. Duncan was patting his face dry with a towel, then he turned to her as she came up beside him, leaning on the sink. She knew he could hear her. Can you take my plug out now, please, Prince?

“I’ll take it out now. Lean down a little, baby.”

Kenzie nodded, and leaned over the basin, moving her feet apart so her thighs were spread slightly. Duncan unscrewed the top of the coconut oil on the counter and dipped his fingers into it--then he stepped behind her and eased the fingers around the jewel at her backside. Kenzie breathed in, slowly.

“Press out, baby.” Kenzie did as he said, and winced a little again, but only a little--the oil had soothed the sting of the chafing there, and the plug popped out of her a moment later. Duncan brought it over the sink and turned the hot water on over it again--Kenzie watched him rinse it with soapy, gentle hands as she pulled the pack of wet wipes from one of the drawers under the sink, easing one of them along the dip between her ass. It came away with a little blood again, but just a little--it’s worth it, honestly, because fuck, you fucked me so fucking good, baby, fucked me hard and ate me out so fucking good, fuck. He glanced over at her as he turned the faucet off, having finished washing her plug--she saw the glint in his eyes, the indication that he’d heard her thoughts, the knowledge of her lust. Duncan set the plug on the counter, and then he pulled her achingly against him, pressing his nakedness into her, lifting her up into an open-mouthed kiss. The roses were still falling from her hair around their feet--Duncan set her back down to earth and turned her gently, and then his beautiful fingers began to work the roses out of her hair, setting them gently one by one on the bathroom counter. Kenzie glanced over to the mirror to watch him as she reached for her toothbrush; my Prince, your gentleness amazes me still. She knew she would remember this moment, crystallized, in the future. Your hands in my hair, the roses falling through your fingers, the blue of your eyes, the drift of your thoughts to me, so soft, so devoted.

Kenzie, he was thinking, I’ll put flowers in your hair in the forest, scatter flowers on our bed, flowers in your arms, we’ll lay in them and forget the world, they’ll weave flowers in your hair on our wedding day, I know it already as if I can see through a window, I can see the halo of your head and a crown of dark roses there, my Persephone, a dream of the future yet I know it’s real, how I long to ask you, to speak it into existence…

Duncan untwined the last of the rosebuds and Kenzie turned to him, lifting her chin to his face, but not kissing him, not quite--she hovered her lips achingly near to his, and heard the quiet, longing sound that drifted out of him against her, his face now free of the dark makeup he’d worn all night, and still so stunningly, completely beautiful, and yet you long for me, she thought, her skin wildly sensitive under his touch, you worship me, little old Mackenzie Stone.

“You aren’t little, Kenzie. I mean...you are little. I love how little you are, I love how close I can hold you--” and here his hands drifted down to Kenzie’s ass, cupping her there, pressing her sensitive sex up into him, his mouth hovering at her chin, “but baby, you aren’t little. You’re so bright--like the sun. Your vastness...it fucking staggers me. It’s like you have a universe inside you, and it’s beautiful beyond all description.You’re so divine--so strong, so brave, so kindhearted and so bright, like golden starlight--”

“Fuck, Duncan, the way you talk to me--”

“Just my entreating prayers to a goddess,” he whispered, lips finally falling under her ear. “Just my endless hope for her blessing.”

“Come to bed with me, hold me, sleep with me, fair Oberon, and in the morning, let’s fuck off into the forest and never come back,” and Kenzie was smiling against the overwhelmingly sweet sensation of his lips, and she felt him smile too and then laugh against her, a laugh that was so desperately joyful that she felt lost inside it for a moment, as though he were Eros and the sound of his laughter was the sound of desire itself. Purest joy. My love, that I can bring you this, that you have given yourself to me this way--it moves my soul utterly, it is the highest of all things, to be loved, to love you. She laughed too, a heartfelt laugh that threatened to dissolve into tears in her throat, and Duncan was kissing her mouth with soft, sweet pecking kisses, and she knew he felt the mingling fall of her emotion, the deluge in her. His hands came around her neck, unclasping Adelaide’s golden necklace, setting it on the sink beside her roses, and Kenzie was moved by the sight, by its shivering, quiet beauty--one is the city, the other the forest, and tomorrow we’ll retreat into nature and find its secrets, she thought. She shivered, and then Duncan was pulling her to the bed, shutting the lights off as he did, easing her down against into the sheets with his (clouded sky) eyes full of tenderness, setting the bowl with the chocolate and grapes aside (later my love, all things later, now, only you, only me, only sleep and our dreams of those other places, only the moon and us) and she was gathered inside his arms, her cheek at his heart again, his sex pressed into her belly, their legs irrevocably twined.

“Kenzie,” he murmured, and she was moved to be in the sudden darkness, in the feeling of him, “Will you sing to me? I love your voice so much.  Just a little, baby, please?”

Kenzie sighed against him. “Oh, baby. Of course I will.” She heard the thought he didn’t say aloud, the shyness in it: a lullaby. My sweet Duncan. My beloved. I will soothe you as you know only I can. She was quiet for a moment, in the stillness, in the shadows, in his arms. Then she knew what she wanted to sing to him; knew it as certainly as her love for him.

“Do you always trust your first initial feeling, special knowledge...holds true…bears believing…” And Kenzie felt him bury his face against the softness of her hair, his deep sigh of contentment, his love bursting into her, “I turned around, and the water...was closing...all around, like a glove, like the love, that had finally, finally found me...and I knew...in the crystalline knowledge of you…”

And then they were dreaming, untethered from earth, together; under the face of another moon, this one much larger than the one they’d left, and lit with a glow that was utterly not of their world.

--------

The light was sweet and low as Kenzie drifted up, back to reality. It’s very early, she knew. She let her eyes linger closed for a moment, trying to recall the dream she’d surfaced from this time; it certainly wasn’t a bad dream, not like our nightmares, she knew. In this one she’d been wearing a very long black velvet gown with a very tight bodice that had exposed her throat to the dip of her breasts--it had pilled around her in huge folds, had drifted behind her as she walked--she remembered with a rush that the Mirror was in the dream, its embellished gold frame distinct, its vastness obvious. I saw myself in it, and I looked beautiful, but I looked--I looked like myself but not like myself. I wore dark jewels on my throat, and...there was this power in my eyes, I could see it reflected in the Mirror. Duncan was with me, but he was wearing something...something from another time period. He wore...breeches, I think that’s what they’re called, and long boots. His hair was longer--it fell to his shoulders in beautiful waves, but it was the same color it is now, like russet autumn leaves, not like the terrible, dark man I dreamt with his face, and not like that other Duncan, the one who had nebulas for eyes, with wings I didn’t understand the shape of. He was kissing my neck--he was wearing a flowing white shirt and he was taking it off, we were in a room with a huge four-poster bed, an opulent room, like we were in Versailles or something, the fireplace was lit and the light was low and we were full of nervous excitement, full of desire…

Here her recollection of the dream ended and she opened her eyes, sighing a little. The Mirror. The Mirror was there. Our Mirror. My Mirror...the one I know belongs to me somehow. It had something to do with that...with me knowing that. Duncan stirred a little against her--his arms had moved in sleep and one of them, she realized, was clutched at the dip of her ass--the other was against her hand between their pillows, his pinky and ring finger hooked around hers, their Cartier bracelets hovering near each other--the diamonds of Kenzie’s caught the early light, glinting into her sleep-touched eyes. Duncan’s stubbled jaw turned up in his sleep, his mouth opening a little, then closing, the small movement of his throat sending a shiver up her bare spine. My beautiful baby. His hand at her ass moved up to the small of her back--drew her in closer in his sleep, her hip bone pressing against his, his hardness (always), sending a little gasp of sensation out from her as it lifted into the space between her legs.

Kenzie hesitated for a moment, longing for his eyes to open, longing for his mouth to fall on hers, longing for the feeling of him probing into her mind--I feel lonely without him there now, I can’t help it--longing for the feeling of his beautifully thick, hard cock to be inside her, but she knew they had a long drive today--the sooner they left the penthouse and got on the road, the sooner they could be in the wonderful solitude of the woods, be at the lake. Alone together. Not like our day at the beach--which was so wonderful, but so brief--really alone together, for days, and free to explore the secrets of each other and the joy of nature. Fuck, I can’t wait.

It had been almost a year since the last time Kenzie was in the woods--she and Claire had gone with some of her old Georgetown friends to a nearby campgrounds and stayed for two nights during the muggiest stretch of August. It had been terribly hot, but the evenings had been so tranquil and lovely and the sunsets so beautiful, and she’d been so happy to be with Claire, and the memory was a good one--they’d shared a tent and eaten burnt hot dogs and canned baked beans and s’mores, got eaten alive by mosquitoes, and laughed with each other a lot, over everything, as they always did. My Clairebear. I wonder how your date with Harris went, and Kenzie smiled, thoughts drifting from Claire back to Duncan, her gaze roving over the man (almost more than a man sometimes, to me, like an angel, his soul having opened to me this way) she loved more than she ever thought possible--more than she would have thought herself, or anyone, capable of. She pushed back the feeling of tears, which always seemed to be hovering near now, and eased herself out of his embrace. Duncan stirred again, dipping his head down, his hand coming under his cheek--and he sighed in his sleep, then descended back into silent, slow breaths. Just sleep a little longer, my loveliest love, she sent out to him, her thoughts lined in gold. Sleep until your tiredness melts away--then we’ll leave.

Kenzie eased off the bed, glancing at the roses she’d tied above it, her eyes sliding to the Mirror (you were in my dream, beautiful thing--maybe our dream, if he dreamed too), examining her nakedness, moving to the bathroom. She gazed affectionately at her Golden Pothos on the back of the toilet as she sat to pee, wincing as she wiped herself--my poor asshole, she thought with an inner laugh, sorry sweetie, you’re gonna need to suck it up and get used to a big cock inside you. She snorted, giggling at her own thoughts, reaching for her hairbrush, coaxing the tangles out of her hair as she looked at the necklace and roses scattered on the sink affectionately. Kenzie set the brush down, grasping the necklace and moving to the closet, eyes watching Duncan in his quiet repose, hair tossed over his forehead; Eros sleeps. It was barely past 7, but she felt wide awake now, the stresses of the Gala--the chaotic energy of the press and photographers towards them, Marissa Montague’s tantrum, Bill Shepherd hissing into her face, his skin gray, his breath sour with sickness, the overwhelming sadness that had driven her to run blindly through a back hallway until she had reached that room that she knew had once belonged to Duncan--seeming far away already. She neatly set the necklace along the stretch of dark wood shelf where she now kept her jewelry in the huge closet--she admired it for a moment, the sheen of its gold and diamonds, fingers drifting over it, the perfect roundness of the ruby--then Kenzie reached for the Tiffany moon and clasped it around her neck. The first thing he ever brought me as a gift--like he was bringing me an offering on an altar. And my offering to him was the meal that I made for us--and he was so happy to receive it. I knew he was. I know he’s happy, truly happy, to receive whatever I give him. Because he loves me. Fuck, he truly does.

Kenzie turned, noticing Duncan had hung her golden gown from last night on a long wood hanger in the corner, so it faced the doorway. Its train drifted in a gathered pile on the floor, and Kenzie was struck by its loveliness again--a dress for a goddess. I wonder how all those pictures turned out, she wondered. I felt so lost in that happiness with him in those moments, it’s like for a little while I lost track of everything that was going on around us. But no. I’m not going to look. In fact, I’d like to not look at my phone at all while we’re away. I’ll bring it with me, but I think I’m going to just turn it off. Kenzie went out through the living room, still naked but for the moon necklace and the Cartier bracelet (which I’ll never take off, only he can take it off me) now; the penthouse was cool and she liked the chilliness on her skin, knowing it would be another hot June day. She moved to the obsidian island--it was clean of all residue of the food that had been spread there the evening before by Erik, Hannah and Georgio, the hands of the still-unseen-to-her housekeepers having whisked it away. I need to meet them and thank them for all the work they do to clean this penthouse, Kenzie thought, feeling guilty. They clean this space so beautifully. They deserve my thanks at the very least. I know Duncan is used to living this way, but I’m not--I’m used to cleaning up after myself. This world is still so strange to me.

She slid her golden clutch from last night off the island, snapping it open, glancing for a moment at her phone--a text from Mom, confirming Samuel had dropped her off safely, wishing them a wonderful time at the cabin, and an alert for an email from Candice, who’d confirmed Kenzie’s requests for PTO while they were away. Kenzie felt strange again, drifting in the knowledge that she’d never really need to worry about money again--god, since when? She wondered. She remembered living on ramen and oranges while she was at Georgetown, loathe to ask Momby for money; thought affectionately, nostalgically, of her tiny apartment, now empty of her things, empty of her life, which was here now, with Duncan. And now I’m wearing diamonds, and ordering hundreds of dollars’ worth of clothes with my boyfriend’s card like it’s nothing. She tucked her left foot behind her right heel, absently toeing a fourth position, the old habit of her ballet classes hovering in her subconscious as she wallowed in the feeling. Then, she remembered the longing look of happiness in his eyes when she had mentioned it last night--he loves to buy me things, he loves my clothes. He gave me that card because he loves to give me things. He loves me. He loves me so much. How does he love me so much. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I’m going to just be happy--just be happy and enjoy this right now. 

Kenzie shut her phone off, then knelt down to where the boxes were piled, sifting through them until she found the ones with Free People shipping labels. Glee fell down through her as she opened them--every day since they met, the way Duncan would stare at her getting dressed sent wild, nervous, anticipatory energy through her body. She thought of him looking at her in these lovely things, these lovely pieces of clothing she’d so carefully chosen to make herself feel beautiful, to make herself feel like the best version of herself she could be, the happiest, the kindest, the most open--the self she knew she had in her, had sometimes been before she met him and was still, the self she would always be, but now even greater than before. If anything, he makes me more myself, she knew. He makes me braver, fills my heart with courage. With him I feel like I can do anything. I feel like I can be the person I’ve always known I could be, deep down. Now, I can be her, that best self, because he’s here, and I was waiting for him. I was waiting for my partner, the person I could share everything with--all of me. I was waiting for my love, for the love that would kindle my heart to the highest emotions, and bring me to life. When Duncan said he longed for me that evening in the woods when he was alone, I knew he meant it. And now I know I longed for him too--in the dark of my quiet bed alone at night, those nights after Tyler and I broke up and I was so fucking lonely sometimes I’d cry myself to sleep in the shadows, it was Duncan I ached for, and now I know that. It was him, and now I feel like sometimes I almost perceived the shape of him inside that loneliness, saw the outline of his face, his hair, his hands. Knew that he was out there somewhere, in the world, looking for me too. And I found him, oh, Goddess. I found him. Thank you, Fates. Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos. You weaved us together, tied us with a golden string that cannot be broken. You brought us together again. The wheel turned for us. I’m grateful.

Kenzie pulled a pair of classic black Vans with white laces from one of the boxes, alongside the aforementioned tiny cut off shorts and little black bikini--she also pulled out a golden-yellow lacy cropped top with long blouse sleeves and a v-neck that plunged low, a tie at the front. Kenzie gathered her outfit choices and moved to the bathroom again, slipping into the shower and turning the knob--she used a tie she’d left on the toiletry rack at some point to hold her tawny hair back, and lathered Duncan’s jasmine soap over her body, over the sensitivity between her ass cheeks, along the lips of her cunt, thinking of his mouth there. The way you eat me out, fuck, baby, it’s like--fucking nirvana. I feel your worship in every bit of my body when you do that. Then Kenzie stepped out of the shower, letting her hair fall down again, slipping into the little bikini, which hugged her small breasts flatteringly, then wrapped the gold-sunflower crop top around her body, the cut-offs over her thighs. She glanced at herself in the bathroom’s oval mirror, the wide glow of her eyes, the fall of her hair, brushed to soft waves, the moon at her neck, the incline of her thighs below the little shorts and the dip of her bare waist between--go wake your baby up with your cute ass, girl.

Kenzie went to the bed softly, smiling against her fist--Duncan hadn’t moved from the same position, his head dipping down into his hand on the pillow, his expression achingly angelic. She slid down to him, lifting her leg around him so she was straddling him across his torso, pushing him gently so he was on his back--Duncan stirred, moaning a little, reaching for her, and then his hands fell on the softness of her blouse then to the smoothness of her stomach, the dip of her ass in the little shorts, and his eyes drifted open, their depth instantly intrigued.

“Good morning, Prince Duncan,” Kenzie whispered, shaking her hair around her shoulders, fingers coming up to brush along the Tiffany moon, so he would see she was wearing it. “Are you ready to fuck off into the woods with your baby?”

“Mmmh, Kenzie, angel--” Duncan was blinking the sleep away from his eyes now, gripping her tighter, sliding himself up so he was against the headboard, pulling her against his naked lap, his hard cock coming up between them, pressing inside her spread thighs, against the crotch of the denim cut offs, his lips falling to the space beside her mouth and drifting back to her ear. Kenzie couldn’t stop the tiny moan that fell out of her at the insistence of his mouth and his arms, suddenly--god, you smell so good, baby, you smell like desire.

“Unng, you look so fucking cute,” he was murmuring against her, lifting away from his hot kisses on her skin, his (finally open, oh fuck, goddess, open and full of so much need like a blue sky over an ocean of impossible depth) eyes roving over her, the shape of her in the crop top and the tiny shorts, the moon at her throat, the fall of her hair. “You’re my Princess, Kenzie, aren’t you? Fuck, kiss me, Princess--” Kenzie grinned at him and gripped his stubbled jaw, nipping hot kisses along his bottom lip, one of his hands burying itself inside her hair at the back of her skull, holding her steady to him, the other drifting into the back of her shorts against her ass, his Cartier bracelet cool on her skin--his hands felt the smooth fabric of her bikini bottoms and he let out another low moan into her mouth.

“I’m wearing my new little black bikini under this,” Kenzie smiled into him.

“Mmh, Kenzie, fuck, baby--babylove--” Kenzie could feel the straining in his mind, drifting against her, the thought he was hesitating to speak out loud. I need your mouth on my cock, baby, my poor cock is so fucking hard for you, hard like last night, it hurts, it needs you, I fucking need you--

“You want me to suck your big cock, huh, Prince Duncan?” Kenzie moved her hips as she spoke into his mouth, lifted herself so she ground against him, the denim shifting against his length. Duncan let out a pitiful moan, his eyes wincing closed in an achingly lovely supplication to her.

“Please,” he whispered into her “Please, Princess Kenzie. I’ll do anything. I--I’ll--”

“Shhhhh, shhhh, baby,” and Kenzie brought her hand up to her mouth between them, willing spit from the back of her throat for a moment, then licking down the inside of her fingers wetly, shushing his begging, pressing her lips against the bridge of his nose, leaning away, smiling, teasing. She hesitated for a moment, her hand hovering just beside his hardness, not letting herself touch him, a line of spit falling down from her fingers onto the head of his erection, and he let out another piteous little moan, his fingers drifting at her thighs, staring into her. Then, Duncan rolled his hips into her, and his stiff, thick cock fell against her hand and she closed her fingers around it with terrible gentleness, and he was crying piteously against her, “uhh, Kenzie, Kenzie angel, fucking please--”

Kenzie gripped him tighter, eased her little fingers up to the head of his cock, her index finger drifting over the sensitive hole at the tip, and she felt the shiver fall through him, watched the ecstatic drift of his eyes. I’m never gonna get over how fucking gorgeous you are, Duncan Shepherd, and she jerked her hand along his length again, squeezing it a little at the base, palm brushing over his balls with a weighted insistence.

“This big cock belongs to me, doesn’t it, baby?” Kenzie pressed her mouth against the stubble on his jaw as she jerked harshly at his thick length, letting her whispers drift against him, letting her eyelashes flutter at his cheek, letting her hair fall against his nose where she knew it would fill his senses. The sounds he was making--keening, needy cries, sighing moans of abject craving for her--were kindling low heat in her belly, between her spread thighs, the lips of her cunt in the tiny bikini pressing harshly into the denim, rubbing into her clit, stoking her arousal. Gonna make you come, rich boy. Gonna make you come hard for me. You’re mine, aren’t you? You’re my beautiful baby, aren’t you, Dunny? Your come is for me, your beauty all for me, your moans for me, your big hard cock is for me--

“Yes, fuck, yes, fucking yes, Kenzie, I’m yours, my cock is yours, every part of me is yours, uhmm, please, fucking please, fuck--you’re so lovely, I can’t stand it, you smell so fucking lovely, uhh, unnnh--”

Kenzie spread her legs out further, easing herself backwards off Duncan’s lap as she continued to flit her hand up and down his hard cock--he let go of her reluctantly, his face raw with yearning, and she slid down onto her knees between his legs stretched out on the bed, bringing them together tightly so the denim rode up into the lips of her cunt, the pressure of the soft bikini fabric against her clit, her head dipped down in front of him. She willed more spit from the back of her throat and let it drip in a long slaver from her lips onto the head of his cock, her fingers dipping up to the head of him again to ease it insistently down. She could see his thighs shuddering, his hands reaching into her hair again, tangling there, pulling, burying themselves as if he never wanted to let go again. Then, finally, Kenzie dipped her mouth onto him, swirling her tongue around the hole at the tip of his cock, and her eyes came up to watch his head tilt back, watch his aching loveliness inside her ministrations. She dipped further down, remembering to open her throat to him, taking him entirely into her as she had when they went to the beach house--she didn’t gag this time, but her eyes immediately began to water, and she tried to breathe in but realized he blocked her airway entirely this way. Drool dripped down from her stretched lips, pooling into his balls, and Duncan’s hands were pressing her head down onto him, his cries lifting--his hips bucked so Kenzie’s lips fell to the shaft of him, and tears drifted down her cheeks. Kenzie thought of the way he’d fucked her ass last night, his thickness filling her to the point where her mind seemed to untether, and she imagined him inside her ass now, wishing he could fill both ends of her at once.

“Fuck, me too, baby, me too, fucking fuck Kenzie, baby, you feel so amazing, I love your little throat so much--” and his hand drifted down to grip her neck. “I love holding you in this spot, love choking you into white-gold thoughts--” and Kenzie knew he meant the way her mind looked to him when he pressed his fingers there, the color of her thoughts under the ecstasy of his hands. His eyes seemed to go darker as she glanced into them, and she pressed an insistent hand into his thigh, easing herself back--Duncan let go of her throat and she lifted up, gasping air through her nose as his length slid out of her throat, the head of him still resting against her tongue. She nodded into him now, sucking greedily at him, her fingers coming down to grip along the bottom of his balls. Come in my mouth, Prince. Give me your sweet come. I know how much you want me, I can feel every fiber of it. Your thick cock is mine, my little mouth is yours. Come for me, let me swallow all your desire into me.

Duncan bit down into his lip as Kenzie watched, and for a moment it seemed as though he was on the edge of tears, his face crumpling into a wince that shook her with its loveliness, and then she felt the warm thickness of his come flooding her mouth, felt the intensity of his shuddering into the cavity of her mouth, coating her tongue, splashing down her throat. It was sweet this time--fruits and chocolate, she thought. Beloved Dionysus. Dunny, baby, oh, baby. She let her mouth dip down one more time, let some of his come slide down the side of his shaft before lowering herself to suck it clean--and then Duncan was pulling her up, pulling her head away from his cock insistently, hungrily claiming her lips with his open mouth, sucking at them, tasting, nibbling at her. The sun was finally rising in earnest now--one of its beams scattered along the bed as they tasted at each other, and Kenzie’s heart was hammering rapidly, the sweet taste of his come still on her tongue, the woodsy-musk of his scent filling her head.

“Good morning, my love,” he whispered into her, and they were both smiling--smiling with earnest contentment, Kenzie sending drifts of her golden affection against him, feeling the cool blue of him swirl back into her. Her heart felt suddenly too full, the tears not yet dried on her cheeks; Duncan was kissing her again, gathering her against him in his lap again, whispering “I love you, good morning, I love you angel--” until she couldn’t help but laugh, giggling against him as his breath tickled on her neck, dipping her arms around his neck. To be with you, just to be with you, my heart’s going to just burst, I never knew anything could be so perfect, so right.

“I wanna go swim in the lake and eat blackberries in the shade, baby,” she said into his ear. “Let’s go fuck under the trees, in the flowers. I’m gonna make some coffee.” She tried to lift away from him but Duncan grasped her at the dip under her shoulder blades, mouth clashing into her, still hungry. “Dunny, I mean it, you need to get ready, you’re being fucking naughty--” “Yes, yes I am--” and he was biting along her neck, moving his hand down to press into the dip of her ass, a reminder of yesterday, and Kenzie yelped against him, struggling, jabbing her fingers into his torso and making him twist in tickling surprise as she tumbled out of his lap, laughing again.

“You did it to yourself! You tempted the tickler!” she called back as she rolled off the bed, running away from him, and Kenzie could hear his frustrated laugh as she escaped on bare feet. She went to the cupboard and brought down two of the glass mugs, starting the Keurig under one, then going to the fridge and pulling out a mango and a grapefruit, using one of Duncan’s bamboo cutting boards and kanso knives to slice them open, getting down two plates and putting half on each, getting two of Adelaide’s little silver spoons for the grapefruit, cutting the mango halves into checkered squares, discarding the hard center. Kenzie blew on the coffee, setting the other mug under the Keurig for Duncan, taking a careful sip. Perfect. Today will be perfect because I will it. I’m going to push my love out of me and let it fall over everything. I’m going to manifest my love into the world and mold my surroundings into loveliness.

She set her mug down on the island, lifting the sweetness of the mango to her lips, relishing its succulent taste--then she went to the cupboard and brought down a Waterford glass, dipping it under the faucet and pouring a splash into each of her succulents along the window, making a mental note to ask Anchaly to have the housekeepers check on them in a few days. Kenzie looked out the kitchen’s sunny, wide window to the clusters of trees and streets and the outline of the historic Colonial houses of Georgetown stretching far away and far below, sunlight spilling into the long steel sink, the sky almost impossibly blue with only the tiniest hint of cloud wisps scattered in it. I think when we come back, I’ll be different somehow. I have this feeling like--like I’ll know something important about myself that I didn’t know before.

Kenzie looked down into her hands at the mango--then she turned with a strange feeling, setting the mango down on the counter, and glanced back at the grapefruit half she’d left on her plate on the island. She hesitated, dipping a hand over the wave of her hair and tucking it behind her ear--then she sent the gold tendrils of her--of my spirit, my will, she knew--out to it. Come here. Into my hand.

Kenzie blinked, once, twice; then she felt a surge, as though she’d sent out a hook into the air, and then there was a heavy feeling, of the hook burying itself into the soft flesh of the grapefruit skin--and then she was blinking down in her hands as the dimpled weight of the fruit’s cool surface pressed there. Somehow. Impossibly. I made it move into my hand. And I KNEW I could do that. I knew that somehow. It’s impossible--but no less impossible than anything else that’s been happening to us lately. Hearing each other’s thoughts. Duncan finding me just by feeling for me. Duncan moving himself across a room with his mind. Me pressing my gold into people, healing them, pushing Marissa away with my mind. No less impossible. And yet.

Kenzie looked up from the fruit clutched in her palms--Duncan was coming into the kitchen, moving around the island to press a soft kiss against her hair, reaching for his coffee. He was wearing a slim-fit, short sleeve button-down in very dark navy, the top button undone, giving him a much more relaxed look than his usual fully-buttoned seriousness, and slim-cut, tight-fitting jersey shorts that came only to his upper thigh with a tying waist in washed, neutral black. His hair was now damp and towel-mussed from the shower, but to an unaccustomed eye (my eye is becoming accustomed, Kenzie couldn’t help but note with vague satisfaction), it seemed deliberately styled. He looks, Kenzie thought, so fucking perfect. If I didn’t love him so much, I’d be so fucking annoyed with him for looking so fucking good so early in the morning.

“Thanks, baby,” he murmured to her softly, taking a sip, then looked at her with some concern as he noticed her eyes, the dumbfounded expression on her face. “What? What is it?”

“I--Duncan. I just moved this grapefruit--” she held the half up to him, its pink interior dipping in her palm, “from the island, into my hand. From across the room.”

“Huh.” Duncan looked down at it, frowning, then moved to the island, brushing her arm a little with his fingers as he stepped away from her, the Cartier bracelet sliding down his wrist. He looked down at the plate she’d made for him, then back up at her, setting his coffee cup down.

“Try to move the other one, baby.”

Kenzie put the half of the grapefruit in her hand down on the counter beside her mango, then stared, concentrating, at the half on Duncan’s plate. Come to me. Into my hand. She dipped her palm down, fingers crooked--then sent the tendrils of gold out of her again, as she knew she could. There was a pause, then the hooking sensation again; and then Duncan was whispering “oh, fuck,” as Kenzie blinked down at her hand again in surprise. The dimpled weight of the grapefruit was now pressing there. She’d done it again.

“What the fuck,” she said, staring up at him. “How the fuck did I do that?”

“Fuck, Kenz, I don’t know, but for a second it sort of wobbled, then it zipped through the air into your hand like a shot. It was so quick. You blinked and you missed it. But it did.”

Kenzie felt dizzy for a moment, and she suddenly dropped the grapefruit half to the floor--Duncan hurried over to her, reaching out to grip her under her arms. “Kenzie, baby, are you okay? Do you feel dizzy again, like you did last night--after you sent Marissa went away?”

“A little,” she whispered, and Duncan was pressing her back against the counter, reaching behind her for a glass (this one had sunflowers on it, from the set the peony glass belonged to) and filling it from the filtered tap, holding it up to her. Kenzie clutched it with a hand she noticed was now shaking, taking a long drink as Duncan leaned down to pick up the grapefruit.

“You can do extraordinary things, Kenzie,” he murmured to her softly. His eyes were so blue--she felt dizzy again just looking up at him, dizzy with how lovely he was in the sunlight. “I have this feeling, baby. This feeling like--like when we come back--”

“Yes,” she was whispering against him, his hands coming around to her elbows, thumbs caressing the sleeves of her golden-yellow shirt. “We’ll be different. We’ll know things about each other--we’ll know.”

They both fell silent--it was all Kenzie could do to look into his face, so radiant with beauty, so full of love for her, tinged with hope and vague apprehension. The worries from the last few days were fading from his mind, she could feel it; pushed away by the more pressing knowledge that was the thing approaching them swiftly on the horizon, whatever it is. It has to do with me being able to move things. It has to do with us hearing each other’s thoughts, baby. It has to do with you finding me last night. Whatever we find out, it’s going to explain this. It’s going to show us what all of this means.

Duncan was nodding, his blue eyes burning like flame on her. “I’m not afraid, Kenzie. Not with you by my side.”

Kenzie felt her lip trembling. No, baby. I’m not afraid either. Just moved beyond words inside the vastness of everything I can feel is on its way. Thank the goddess--I have you. Inside your love, I fear nothing.

----------

An hour later, they were almost ready to leave for the cabin. Kenzie had begun to feel effervescently happy as they packed the picnic basket and two sleek white Yeti coolers with a vast array of fresh fruits (grapes, pears, honeycrisp apples, a huge pineapple, more mangos and grapefruits, little clementines, raspberries, blackberries and cherries) and vegetables (tomatoes, spring lettuce, avocados, celery sticks, mini sweet peppers, baby carrots, little cucumbers), sandwich fixings (turkey, cold chicken, tempeh, sliced swiss and provolone), a carton of organic eggs and a butcher’s wrap of turkey bacon, several hunks of artisan cheese (gouda, brie, havarti), jars of olives, tiny gherkin pickles, round rice and wheat crackers, sprouted bread, cream cheese, hummus, tortilla chips, pico de gallo, and an assortment of nuts and trail mix, granola bars, greek yogurt, almond milk, orange juice, lots of coffee k-cups and a bag of ground espresso beans; Duncan assured her there was a Keurig and an espresso machine at the cabin. Something tells me this cabin isn’t quite a cabin, Kenzie thought. The picnic basket had four bottles of red wine, the cooler had three each of rose and white, a bottle of Stoli, a bottle of bourbon, Pellegrinos, lime La Croix, organic ginger ale, and fresh limes and lemons. Duncan had also packed a half ounce of blue-strain weed and a gold-leaf weed pipe that Kenzie had demanded to admire for a moment before she’d give it back to him. Still discovering each other’s little secrets, she’d thought.

“There’s this little general store pretty close to the cabin, too, so we don’t need to pack enough for the entire time--we can go there during the day if we need anything,” he told her, setting the striped buckling blanket--the one they’d taken to the Cape Cod house--the lovely quilts, and the box that held the fireside cooking kit Kenzie had ordered beside the cooler and the picnic basket in front of the penthouse door. Kenzie had hauled her rolling red Kenneth Cole suitcase out of the side-closet in the walk-in where she’d placed it, after moving all her things to the penthouse--she’d had it since Georgetown, a gift from her Abadaba before she passed away, but it was holding up nicely. Inside it she carefully organized enough clothing for a week, almost all of it new (two cardigans: Duncan’s black Brooks Brothers’, and a new long gray one with large buttons and slits at the sides, a long button-down short-sleeved dress the color of sunflower petals, a short pink babydoll dress with long sleeves and roses prints along its hem, a tiny white cotton summer mini dress with a plunging neckline, a black flowing v-neck wrap dress with a buckle at the waist, a rust-colored, strapped mini dress with the sides cut-out, a pair of short-coveralls in light blue denim, a crop top with banded straps and white embroidery, a gray top with extra long sleeves, an ankle-length flowing linen dress with roses printed all over it), several pairs of sandals (her strappy beige, a new pair of black boot sandals) and her brown Timberland hiking boots (she’d only worn them once--on the trip with Claire last August). Kenzie tucked the velvet ribbon, her egg and plug, the rose choker, and Duncan’s cock ring into the suitcase as well, alongside both pairs of her Agent Provocateur lingerie, her little black kimono, her satin pyjamas, the oversized Led Zeppelin tee and lots of clean underwear. She only packed one bra--and I don’t plan on wearing it at all, she thought defiantly. Wild and free with my lover in the woods, and I can’t fucking wait. Fuck bras.

As she packed Duncan did the same alongside her--his suitcase was Prada (and decidedly more expensive than my banged-up one from Bed, Bath and Beyond, Kenzie thought), made of some kind of tech fabric with leather trim, and black, of course. She stole glances at him, eyes lovingly falling down his form, his eyes meeting hers every now and then when they caught each other staring--Kenzie watched the concentrated squint of his face, his hand drifting thoughtfully to his bottom lip, the fitted perfection of his clothing, the coiled strength in his arms, the fine hair on his legs to his large feet, now in black ankle socks, the soft dip of his hair on his forehead as he leaned into his drawers, pulling out several pairs of fitted and relaxed black chinos, black leather Nike hiking boots, the Armani sandals he’d worn to Yarmouth, black swim trunks, another short-sleeved button-down Oxford like the one he was wearing right now, a Nike club hoodie, another hoodie that zipped, more pairs of black jersey shorts, two jersey tee shirts--black, all black, and a single long-sleeved navy cotton flannel, along with at least ten pairs of the black briefs he always wore, and a dozen pairs of black moisture-wicking socks. He pushed through his hangers and Kenzie’s eyes fell on a black short-sleeved Oxford with earth-tone feathers printed all over it--”Bring that one, baby,” she said. “I like that one.”

He turned to her, smiling. “Whatever you want, Princess Kenzie.”

Kenzie was putting some of her jewelry (her rose quartz, the tiny rose-gold moon, her triple-moon pendant with the black obsidian) in a little travel pouch she usually used for it, and smiled with satisfaction at his answer. “Yep, that’s right.” She pulled the new black Vans onto her feet, skipping away from him to the bathroom, feeling his eyes following her all the way, the drift of his thoughts: Kenzie, my sweet Kenzie, my little shooting star, my firefly, I want to kiss your hair, your cheeks, your feet, the sweet space between your legs...she gripped toiletries in her fingers, calling out to him: “What do you need from in here, baby? I can bring it to you.” But she realized he was coming up behind her then, his long hands drifting around her under her breasts, his mouth coming to her neck.

“We need to get going, baby,” she laughed, twisting out of his arms, her toothbrush, mascara, eyeliner and tube of deodorant slipping out of her hands at his insistent touch; they scattered against the sink. She gave him a facetious look of annoyance and he grinned at her. “Later, okay? Stop being so naughty. We have a three hour drive ahead of us.”

Duncan groaned at the ceiling. “Don’t remind me, Kenz. I haven’t driven a car for that long in...probably at least two years.”

“We can take turns. I still drive Momby around in her old Jeep sometimes, so honestly I’m more used to a stickshift at this point. But I have a quick memory.”

“My little Kenzie driving a stickshift. That’s just sexy.”

Kenzie snorted. “Not if you saw it. There’s nothing sexy about that car. It’s like the old donkey of cars. That G-Class is sexy, though.” He bit his lip at that. You’re fucking sexy, baby. Nothing else is compared to you. He tried to grab her again and she skittered away, laughing nervously.

“Did Madeline get home okay last night?” Duncan was pulling several black Prada toiletry bags out of a bottom drawer under the sink, holding one open to Kenzie to put her things into--she smiled up at him and saw the melting expression in his eyes as he hovered over her. She took the bag from him and his hand immediately drifted into her hair.

“Yeah, she was fine. She told me to tell you she hopes we have a good time. I was thinking, baby--I think I’m going to turn my phone off during the trip. I’ll bring it, but I might not turn it back on until we get back. Unless there’s an emergency.”

“You know what, babe--that’s a great idea. I’m gonna do that too.” Duncan pulled his black iPhone out of his back pocket, holding down the side button, swiping the power off. He slid it back into his pocket, palm falling against her cheek.

“I can’t wait to be there alone with you. Kenzie. I can’t wait to show you everything.You’re going to love it so much.”

“I love you so much,” and she grinned up at him, hand coming against his on her face, cherishing the warmth of it. He leaned to kiss her but she slipped away, her mind humming with mischief towards him.

“No more kisses till we get to the cabin, baby. That’s the new rule.”

“Ugh, Kenzie, that’s hours from now--” and his expression was enough to drive her to the edge of immediately recanting, but Kenzie crossed her arms, turning her chin up in mock severity.

“Then you better hurry up, Mr. Shepherd.” Kenzie gave him a prim look and slipped away from him to the closet, retrieving a tote bag from her drawers--it was midnight blue and had a pattern of white celestial suns and moons, tiny stars glowing in the background. Kenzie went back to the kitchen and put the ghost story books and Duncan’s childhood mythology book in it, then she stepped into the study, moving to Duncan’s bookcases--she couldn’t resist looking back at The Youth of Bacchus for a long moment, lost in its ethereal beauty. I could kiss it, I love it so. She turned back to the bookcase, searching through his meticulously organized library--organized first by subject, then by author, alphabetically. Astronomy/astrology, she found near the top of the first shelf, and hummed with frustration--I’m too short to reach.

“Dunny! Come help me! And bring me the books on the nightstand, please?” She cupped a hand around her mouth and shouted through to the bedroom. Duncan appeared a moment later, Jane Eyre and The Golden Compass under his arm. “What’s this one about?” He asked, holding the second aloft.

“I haven’t started it yet, but I think it’s about parallel universes or something? I think that’s what the synopsis said.” He passed them to her, fingers clutching at her as she put them in the tote, trying to kiss her again. She deftly avoided him, loving the tiny frustrated sounds he made, the pained longing in his sky-colored eyes. “Baby, help me reach a stargazing book. That one up there, Backyard Guide to the Night Sky.” Duncan went to reach for it, then stopped, smiling at her vexingly. His hair looks so perfect. His skin is so beautiful. He is so fucking beautiful.

“Kiss me first.”

“Hey, I thought I said--”

“Please, baby. Please? Just one...little...kiss. Please, Miss Stone. I beg you.” Duncan was dipping his face (fuck he’s so beautiful, fuck, I can’t get past it, I can’t stop admiring him, he just doesn’t seem real sometimes, it’s like I made him up in my head, how can I resist him) down to her, his fingers drifting down the sides of her waist, and she tried for another long moment, tried to fight it, but then his hands were cupping along the bottom of her ass, dragging her against him, and her mouth was opening to him, and she thought fuck it, I love you so much--and his tongue was teasing into hers and she sighed and thought fuck we’re never gonna get to that cabin at this rate and he pushed her against the bookcase, fingers coming up to her hair and under her ear, pulling her insistently into him, and he tasted like the mango and bitter coffee and smelled like rain on cedar wood--

“Okay, baby--” she tried to pull away and he captured her lips again, moaning into her softly, “Dunny--you got your kiss, get that book for me--”

“I love you.”

“I know you do.”

“I love you, Kenzie.”

“I know, you dipshit, I fucking love you too.” She stuck her tongue out at him, but Duncan wasn’t deterred--he pressed his nose against hers, drifting it from side to side, then leaned back to stare at her. His eyes were like clouds reflecting a blue sea; he could see into her mind, she knew, feel the rosy adoration there for him. Just for you, Duncan Shepherd, and only for you, and you fucking know it. You know you’re the One, the only One, exalted in my eyes, beloved. He stared at her for another long moment (divine goddess, she heard, princess of heaven)--then, not without a marked disappointment, reached his long arm up to the shelf and brought the book down for her.

“It’s time to go, baby,” she whispered. “You can kiss me a million times when we get there.”

“Promise?”

“I fucking promise, Prince Duncan. In the long grass. Under the stars.”

-------

It was past 9 when they were finally on the road--Duncan wore his round Yves sunglasses, the smooth glide of the G-Class’ steering wheel drifting under his elegant hand; he was pressing one of his black Puma suede sneakers (Kenzie was amused to note it was the first time she’d ever seen him wear sneakers of any kind, but these were undoubtedly Duncan-style) on and off the gas pedal impatiently, starting and stopping in the Arlington traffic on the way to the Maryland highway.

They’d packed everything neatly in the trunk and along the backseat; Kenzie’s eyes gazed over her dark red roses affectionately, the gold vase carefully tucked into a basket that rested in the middle of the backseat, held steady between the two coolers and the picnic basket. A bellhop had appeared upstairs to help with a cart after Duncan had called downstairs on the intercom, so it hadn’t taken long. It was everything else that took awhile, Kenzie thought, thinking of Duncan’s hot, insistent kisses--she glanced over at him, saw him glancing between her and the road, looked away, smiling into her hand, her own round sunglasses shielding her eyes from him. She took another bite of a half-eaten chocolate-peanut butter Luna bar in her other hand, and flipped the Sirius XM on as Duncan merged onto I-270, heading north--Kenzie had waved as they’d driven past Madeline’s neighborhood a few minutes before, murmuring “hi Momby, bye Momby,” under her breath. Duncan had glanced at her, and she saw his endeared smile. Kenzie found the electronic station from last night, rolling the window down--the day wasn’t quite as hot as it would be later, yet, and there was a delicious summer wind. A sultry feminine voice drifted through the speakers as Duncan hit the highway, pressing his foot fully down on the gas now--Kenzie’s heart drifted up, and she sighed deeply, relief flowing through her. She reached for Duncan’s hand and he grasped her fingers, eye on the road. I can feel your heart lift too, baby. We’re escaping.

I’mma swallow all these diamonds, I’mma make you proud--you’re the greatest of all time, you’re the greatest of all time, you’re the greatest of all time, you’re the greatest...chain me up, trap me in gold, you’re my king, I gotta have you close--

God, this sounds like it’s about us, Kenzie thought shyly into him, and she could see him biting into his lip, his thumb drifting across to her knee. It does, doesn’t it. She twined her fingers into his there, loving the weight of him, the warm halo of his touch, the smooth drift of the car, the cool smell of new leather in its interior. The wind was whipping her hair against her neck, the sun hovering a quarter of the way into the sky, the temperature still in the merciful upper 70’s, and according to the GPS, traffic was minimal all the way to the lake. Kenzie laid her head back into the seat, sighing contentedly.

Pick me up and go, no I don’t wait don’t wait for no one, you gotta pick me up and go, no I don’t wait don’t wait don’t wait no, I’mma glow with or without you, two mil’ in my system I’mma swallow all these diamonds never spit ‘em out…

“I’m gonna jump head-first into the lake as soon as we get there,” Kenzie was murmuring to Duncan, her eyes drifting closed behind her sunglasses in the comfort of this moment. “Let’s go swimming, then eat lunch, then fuck all afternoon--”

“Holy fuck, Kenz--that sounds perfect. Wait till you see the water, today is exactly the kind of day I was talking about, where the sky reflects on it and everything is so clear and blue--”

“Like your eyes, baby,” Kenzie felt sleepy suddenly, sleepy with the depth of the peace she felt, the half-eaten granola bar falling down into her lap from her fingers, her other hand soothed by the slow caress of Duncan’s thumb over her skin. She heard his little scoff, but felt the glowing warmth of his affection, his quiet acknowledgement that she was right. Yeah. Yes, baby. Like my eyes when I stare at you, and you alone.

“What’s the bedroom like, baby?” She murmured to him, her eyes still closed. The wind felt so miraculously good; she smiled in the cocoon of all of it, the feeling of the sun on her cheek, the pressure of his hand, the electronic pulse of the music from the speakers, only a couple of hours and we’ll be in our own secret paradise.

“I’m assuming you mean the master bedroom, which is where we’ll be sleeping,” she heard Duncan say, his thumb still drifting against her, and Kenzie puzzled at that--what kind of cabin has a master bedroom? Her curiosity burned for a moment at Duncan’s quietness after his statement, then the soothing sensations of the drive were drifting against her again. Might as well just enjoy the ride and see it when we get there. You’re being coy on purpose, baby. Kenzie opened her eyes for a moment, glancing at him. Duncan’s face was placidly beautiful, his sharp jaw striking as he looked toward the road--a remix of Ella Fitzgerald’s Blue Skies now pumped from the speakers--blue skies smiling at me, nothing but blue skies do I see, nothing but blue--and Kenzie thought this is how it feels to be with you.  

Kenzie closed her eyes again, leaning her head back into the seat this time--when she opened them again, she realized she’d fallen asleep. The light had changed, was brighter and coming from directly overhead, the sun no longer streaming into the car from the side. Her neck was aching from the odd position she’d slipped into, her head crooked down onto her shoulder. Duncan looked at her sideways, grinning at her. The road was mostly deserted now but for a Prius driving a yard ahead of them and a slow-moving red Corolla that Duncan passed easily--they were surrounded by trees on either side of the asphalt, and it felt like they were climbing to a slightly higher altitude, the G-Class on the drift of an incline.

“Hi, baby. We’re about half an hour away now.”

“You’re kidding.” Kenzie lifted her arms out, stretching, the sound of her voice decidedly sleep-tinged in her ears. “I slept for two hours?” She glanced up at the dashboard; the digital clock read 11:37.

“It’s okay, baby. Yesterday was a long day--the last few days have been long. It’s all been--you know. Overwhelming. You were tired.”

“I said I was gonna help drive.”

“Kenzie, angel, it doesn’t matter. It went by so fast--it was peaceful. To watch over you. It was soothing, to have some time to think about everything. About...my mother. About Annette, I mean, but about my mother too. My real mother. Whoever she is. Wherever she is.”

“I’m sure Annette knows.” Kenzie reached for Duncan’s hand again and he drifted it out to her, grasping her. He looks so lovely in the memory of his solitude, she thought. I can see how his face must have looked at me as I slept. Oh, baby. How I love you.

“Yeah, I--I’m going to talk to her when we get back. I decided I will. There are things I know she knows that she needs to tell me. But for now I think it was enough to just contemplate it. Accept it. That there’s this whole part of me I haven’t known about until now. And it was calming to--to think about you...” Duncan’s head dipped here, his expression shy. To think about how much I love you, about how much I want to marry you, how much I want to know about the thing that’s coming, the hidden thing that’s right on the horizon, the secret thing, the thing that will tell us about each other, why it feels like we’ve always been together, always will be, about the dreams. “And the things that have been happening.”

“I wonder if there are other things we can do. You moved through a room just by thinking about it. I moved objects--I moved a person. I wonder if there are other things. We should try things, I mean--being in the woods alone is the perfect place for us to do weird shit without anyone bothering us,” and he snorted at her, laughing. Kenzie grinned at him, then she was serious again, straightening the smile. “Let’s see if we can figure it out.”

“Okay, baby. Let’s do weird shit.” Duncan was taking his sunglasses off, smiling at her with bemused mischief in his gaze--the oaks and pines gathering overhead and rising along the road were shielding them from the sunlight, and it was shady inside the car now, sunbeams dipping in and out, dancing over his cheeks. But within the playful expression in his face, the trust in his eyes shook her heart; I’d follow you anywhere, to the ends of the earth, to the edge of the universe, Mackenzie Stone. I’d follow you into the darkest abyss. Even that would be heaven, as long as you’re there. A line from Wuthering Heights, a book she’d loved fiercely since high school, drifted into her mind, clashing against his thoughts--if all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger…

“We’re getting really close now,” Duncan said, glancing away from her at the GPS. “Kenzie. I have a confession. I may have been misleading when I called it a cabin. It’s more of a--uhmm. A very large cabin.”

“Duncan.”

He bit into his lip. Turn left here, the GPS chirped, a feminine voice with a British accent. In .2 miles, turn left onto Lakeside Trail. Duncan spun the steering wheel under his long hands, and Kenzie’s eyes drifted to the Cartier bracelet locked to his left wrist, its gold flashing.  It’s me. That bracelet is me, my gold, the chain of us together, the golden thread of us.

“You’ll see. I think it’s..probably...bigger than you might be expecting.”

“Fuck. I forgot. You’re Duncan Shepherd. Playboy billionaire, soon to be CEO and majority shareholder of Shepherd Unlimited. Hot shit.”

“If I’m a playboy, you’re a playgirl. My little playgirl bunny. God, now I’m imagining your centerfold, fuuuuck--”

“Ugh, shut up, god, you’re being naughty today.” Kenzie reached out and pinched his side, hard, and he laughed in surprised pain, shying away from her. “Oww, baby, that fucking hurt.”

“Keep it up and I’m going to fucking spank you next,” Kenzie threatened.

“What if I like it?” He laughed as she jabbed her fingers out again, dancing them along his torso.

“We might just need to test that theory, then, huh baby?”

Duncan didn’t say anything, just continued to smile at her, amused and shy. He turned the SUV down a very long gravel path now, up to a long steel-bar gate with round golden lamps on either side of its entrance. Duncan pulled the car up to a keypad that dipped from an awning at the side, punching a code into it: 070688. His birthday, she thought. His mother’s doing, no doubt. Kenzie continued to drift inside his thoughts--the gates floated open and Duncan reached for her hand again as he put his foot on the gas. I was so used to being dominant with partners before you, baby, she heard him thinking. But I love it when you tell me what to do, and I love to tie you up and worship you, how you let me lead when my desire to is strong, and I loved it when you tied me up too, when you tell me I can’t touch my cock until you say I can, when you told me I couldn’t take my cock ring off, that only you could do it--with us, both are right, both feel right. Giving to you, taking from you, and around and around, like some holy circle we make together. I love it so much. I’d try anything with you. It’s always safe in the drift of your love. I love the way we give to each other endlessly. Nothing in the world could possibly feel more right to me.

Yes, baby, yes, Duncan. Then Kenzie lifted her eyes past the two rows of trimmed crabapple trees that lined the gravel drive--they were covered in red clusters, their very young fruit visible in the dappled sunlight of the late morning. She stifled the gasp that wanted to escape immediately; Duncan clearly heard her sharp intake, however, and glanced at her, his blue gaze hovering between apprehension at any hint of discontent, and an obvious hope for her approval.

This is not a fucking cabin, Duncan Shepherd. This is a fucking lakeside mansion. Kenzie pulled her sunglasses off, squinting at the huge structure that rose before them through the window of the SUV, aware her mouth was hanging open.

“Holy fuck, Duncan,” she whispered.

The cabin, as Duncan had called it, was a two-story sprawling structure, easily beyond 5,000 square feet, made of elegant stacked stone and dark walnut wood, with long, latticed dusky-red windows stretching along every wall of the lower level, giving it a regal romanticism that Kenzie immediately loved. The edges of the roof were slanted, made in dark black oak slatting. There were round string lights hung over every awning, but they were unlit at this hour of the day; Kenzie could only imagine how beautiful they looked at night. The structure’s lower level clearly encompassed more than half a dozen rooms, judging from its length--and a glass-enclosed structure with long wood tables, clearly for group events, was built off the side to Kenzie’s right, a spacious garage next to that. The entirety of the cabin-mansion’s length was enclosed by smooth, decorative white stones, and flowers were planted along the bottom of every window--Kenzie could make out geraniums, marigold, peonies and gardenia. There was a path to the left, surrounded by pines, and down it Kenzie could see a triangular-shaped, elegant white-wood gazebo built in the center of blooming hydrangeas. Inside the gazebo was a long wicker outdoor couch surrounded by flower pots with dozens of pillows, more of the round string lights hung about the eaves, and a long, low drink table with a decorative lantern. A long wooden swing hung nearby from a huge, sturdy oak that looked like it was at least a hundred years old. Beyond that, Kenzie could make out the long stretch of luscious water, indeed reflecting the blue of the summer sky with striking clarity--just as Duncan had promised. The lake. There was a long deck that extended from the shore, and a canoe tied to it with a length of rope, bobbing in the small tide. And I haven’t even seen the backyard yet.

Duncan had brought the SUV to a stop, pressing the smart key; the engine faded into silence. He reached a hand out to her, and she looked at him; is it okay, baby? His eyes searched her face, his mouth opening slightly towards her.

“Okay? Baby. This is like...oh my god. This is fucking paradise.” Kenzie felt tears begin to prick at her eyelids--she fought to keep them back, but it was all so wonderful, so much bigger than her, the vastness of the loveliness of him, of this, washing over her in a suffocating crash. Could this all be a dream, she thought once more. All of it, the last few weeks, my life utterly changed by you forever, my love, the magick inside us now, the magick that kisses every corner of my mind, every corner of our lives, tied together now, the beauty of everything, and you--you, so wildly beautiful, so tender to me in every instance, you, impossibly wonderful, impossibly perfect for me, and yet somewhere defiantly possible--please tell me, if it is a dream, that I’ll never wake up, that I’ll sleep for all of time inside this extraordinary, resplendent dream of you, my dearest love, Duncan--

“Kenzie. Angel. Don’t cry. You’re gonna make me--cry--” Duncan’s voice broke, and she saw the tiniest tremble in his lips, watched the clouded sky of his eyes flicker, resonate with the emotion she could feel from him like a swirling gust of wind; Kenzie, in an instant, threw her arms around him over the middle of the car seats, burying her face in his neck, the tears coming now, no way she could stop them, a little shuddering sob escaping from her. Duncan was pulling her easily into his lap, tucking her short legs over to his thighs so they fell down between the space between his bare knees, the smoothness of her skin brushing his prickly calves, her body pressing flush against his, the denim of her tiny shorts against the soft jersey of his crotch. The warmth and the scent of him--wood, jasmine--overwhelmed her more; you are no dream, my love, you never were and I know it, the time before you was a dream, the time without you when I’m away from you is a dream, and you are the only real thing in all the world. The love I feel in your arms is the only reality.

“I just--getting to be here with you, alone--fuck, baby, I’m just--”

“I know, Kenz, I know, baby. I can’t stand it either. God, I love you. I love you so much. I’m so fucking happy, Kenzie. I feel like my heart’s just going to fucking stop--”

“No fucking way. If it does, I’ll bring you back to life.” She was pulling her face away from his neck, the tears stinging her cheeks; she saw the glitter of the tears in his too before she opened her mouth against his; he cradled her low, dipping his head over her, his arm clutching at the band of her top under her breast, along the rise of her ribs, his Cartier bracelet burying into her hair, gold on tawny gold. She felt one of his tears fall down onto her cheek, sliding to pool at her throat, and Kenzie brought her fingers to his face, wiping them away as he tasted her lips with aching slowness.

Duncan, I love you. With...with every part of myself. With everything I have. He was nodding into her, his soft, entreating sounds making her feel as though she were vibrating, enveloped by him. They clutched each other for awhile; the peaceful sounds of the birds, the wind, the lake splashing far off, the rustling of the trees--that was their music. It held them, drifting into the car windows, surrounded them, made them a bed for a long moment, let them lay together inside it as they tasted each other, as their tears calmed, as Kenzie wandered away from the feeling of tears, into a heady desire for him, an abundant joy. She pulled back, her hand on his bristly jaw.

“I wanna go inside, baby. I wanna see everything and then I wanna go fucking swimming and eat lunch with you and fuck you in every fucking room and out in the grass, under the trees--”

“Kenzie, fuck, baby, we get to be here for days--fuck, I can’t believe it, I’m so fucking happy--”

Kenzie grinned and closed her eyes, pressing her forehead against his mouth--Duncan’s words bled away as he kissed her there, lips open, his thoughts rosy with her, her mind brimming over with the gold she felt for him; for the gold is my love, and it always has been. It’s me giving the best of myself to him, because I love him. I love you, Duncan. I always will. The gold is the everlasting promise of my love.

“Baby, let’s go. Show me everything.” Kenzie leaned over and pulled the handle of the driver’s side door, pushing it open with one Vans-clad foot. Duncan helped her to the ground as she slid out of his lap, his grip steady, but very tender. He slid out after her, his chest pressing into the back of her hair for a moment, his mouth kissing down on the crown of her head. Kenzie went into the backseat, grasping the golden vase that held her roses with careful fingers--this will be the first thing to go inside, the token of his love for me. Duncan grasped one of the coolers and easily hoisted it in his arms, crooking his head towards the big front double-doors made of more sturdy dark walnut. He nodded to his thigh, eyes lifting to her.

“Kenz, get the keys out of my pocket, will you?”

Kenzie gently reached into the jersey shorts, staring into his face as she did, being sure to let her fingers brush against the length of his cock as she dipped her fingers into the pocket; he shivered, biting into his lip, sending a wanton promise into her. You’re gonna get fucked, baby. I’m gonna fuck you in the wild woods under the stars, in the big fuck off bed, in the bath, fuck, everywhere. I’m gonna rip those little shorts off you and make you fucking scream as loud as you can until you lose your voice and I’m fucking deaf, angel, babylove, Princess.

Kenzie giggled nervously, her face pressing down against her roses, watching his expression morph into one of romantic longing. My queen of roses. Persephone of spring. Kenzie stepped away from him to the doorway, her Vans crunching over the gravel, and unlocked the door with a rustically-styled key--as she stepped inside she groaned, overcome with the loveliness of everything again, Duncan coming up behind her, setting the cooler just inside the door. The interior of the front room was huge, a spacious expanse she could dance across if she wanted to--there were two long couches in the center of the glossy hardwood, a huge, probably priceless dark Persian rug under them. The roof was a wildly erotic charred black--a huge pair of moose antlers were attached to one wall, the Shepherd crest on another with distinct fleur de lis. A huge, life-sized statue of Hermes in a breastplate, smiling good-naturedly, his winged feet obvious, stood in one corner; a naked Aphrodite in another, her long hair fanning out in an invisible wind behind her, her face turned up ecstatically to some unseen delight, her breasts bare. A huge stone-lined fireplace was against the center wall that adjoined with a middle hallway, an opulent black grate across it. Along the wall that faced the backyard there was a huge glass window, looking out on a long deck with a sheltered deck table and a fence, beyond it, covered in more of the round lights, with a locking gate.

“We’re turning all the fairy lights on tonight,” Kenzie said, turning to Duncan. He nodded with a smile; such a beautiful, earnest smile it was. Anything you want, Princess Kenzie. Kenzie could see the fire pit beyond the deck, its huge, coppery circular indentation distinct on an inlay of deep-set brick in the daylight, low wicker lounge chairs in tawny colors surrounding it. Beyond that was woods--dense from the look of them, though there seemed to be a marked path from what she could see from her far position, the lake stretching to the far left, blue-reflecting and wildly inviting. Plenty of time to explore, Kenzie thought. She could feel Duncan’s eyes watching her again and looked up at him, smiling. She set the roses down on a table near the entrance, bringing her hands against the fabric of his button-down, feeling his body beneath it, the coiled strength in him, the desirous tightness that was lingering there. His hands came around to the small of her back, to the bare skin there above the tiny little denim shorts she wore.

“Dunny. I love it so much.”

“Come look at the bedroom. We’ll get the other stuff in a minute.” He clutched her hand, leading her to the hall, then up a huge staircase with a black banister, a chandelier of Swarovski crystals and gold embellishments hanging at the second-floor landing. He pulled her down the wide, darkwood-paneled hall, past several empty guest rooms, one with matte black decor, one with silver, to the end, where a set of double-doors painted with gold leaf around the edges seemed to promise her something exceptional--he pushed them open and Kenzie oooohhhh’d, immediately letting go of him to run to the bed and throw herself onto it--it was so wide she felt immediately lost in the center of it, sinking down into its luxe, gold-embellished feathery spread, laughing in delight, her hair tossing into her eyes, her heart fluttering against the Tiffany moon. There was an opulent, upholstered gold panel at the head of it, and what seemed like a dozen duck feather pillows piled high against it. Silky, sheer white curtains with gold edges hung across huge bay windows along the wall--through them she could glimpse the lake, its serene surface impossibly lovely in the early afternoon streaming in. 

This room was fitted with golden decor at every turn, gold-leaf along the wide dresser and the decorative tables, each with a breathtakingly lovely decorative gold leaf laurel wreath. On one wall hung a painting in an embellished gold frame: Cupid and Psyche, Kenzie knew immediately, her breath catching. In it, Cupid pressed his lips to Psyche’s cheek, her eyes closed in ecstatic repose, his wings, here portrayed as deep purple, the color of ripe grapes, dipping around her naked form, a crown of violets in his curls, curls like Duncan’s. It was wildly lovely, and looking at it made her long for him, as though it were them painted there, not the god of passionate attachment and his lover. She glimpsed a gold-embellished bathroom through a side-door, and what looked like the side of a polished coppery-gold bathtub. She glanced up to Duncan from her prostrate position.

“This is a bed fit for a queen,” Kenzie murmured.

Fuck. I didn’t realize we’d be sleeping in a bed like this. The mere feeling of the silky spread under her bare legs was kindling desirous heat between her legs.This bed is for fucking. This bed is for getting fucked hard by your Prince’s big cock. This golden, feather-soft bed is an altar for his beautiful mouth to worship the space between your legs. This bed is for you to kneel on while you suck him dry, for you to be tied to while he works you out into wordless cries of euphoria. This bed is for you to slave over each other’s bodies, sleep until noon, and then wake up wrapped to each other’s lips, impossibly entwined, sheets tangled in intricate longings, smelling of your need for one another. Duncan was staring, listening to these thoughts from her, his gaze becoming hot and flushed, the blush of his desire spreading over his statuesque beauty.

“Good thing it finally has one in it,” he replied. Duncan had leaned on the door in his familiar tick--his eyes had darkened deeply to storms, his thoughts dipping low into heady lust, the taste of her cunt, the softness of her skin, the nectar she knew he regarded as her mouth, and Kenzie bit her lip, propping herself on her elbows. Come the fuck here and get me, then, King. Come and get your Queen.

Then Duncan was advancing on her, his arms reaching down for her with a determined look in his divinely blue eyes that made her blood freeze, and she was writhing in his strong grip, with his sudden, immediate ardency, the aching softness of the down at her back stirring warmth through her body, in dazzling streaks of sensitivity. Duncan lowered his lips to the moon at her throat, making her gasp (my moon, my moonlight, moon flower, he was thinking) and then he was drifting down to kiss between her ribs at the deep V of her wrapped, sunlight-colored top, down further to kiss her belly button, open-mouthed, his tongue licking out.

“I think,” he whispered, his large, insistent hands at the waistband of her shorts, his mouth drifting to her hipbone over the denim, “That you need to get fucked hard before we do anything else today, Princess Kenzie. I think we need to christen this bed as ours. What do you think?” His hands were pressing into her now, holding her down, drifting up to her throat, holding her against the silky, aching softness of the bed, sensing how it was stirring her, thrilling her, kindling her desire up to a high agitation.

“Uhhhuh,” Kenzie felt absolutely weak to him, lost in his adamant stare, lost in the press of the tips of his fingers, sensing that they were barely containing their powerful grip on her. The bed, the huge house, the lake, the woods--we’re finally here, she thought. And it kindles a wild lust in me, the whisper of Dionysus, urging us to abandon our senses, and fuck each other until we can’t breathe in the middle of the day on this wildly easeful bed that feels like a cloud from heaven. We don’t have anywhere to be. We don’t have to meet with anyone, we don’t have to go to work, to interviews, to see our mothers, to find bodyguards, to go to stupid Galas, to fight off paps, nothing, nowhere. Our phones are off, we’ve disappeared from the world, we’re alone, we’re together, we have days. DAYS. Holy fuck, baby. Holy fucking fuck.

“Duncan,” Kenzie whispered, and she whimpered, long and low, and his mouth was pressing, hot, aching, at her throat, and his devotion was like a knife, and she wanted it plunged deep into her body.

“Oh my fucking goddess, baby--fucking fuck me.”

#body and soul #duckenzie #millory #body and soul au #ahs apocalypse au #house of cards au #duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd au #millory au #body and soul fic #body and soul fanfic #duncan shepherd x mackenzie stone #duncan shepherd x mallory #michael x mallory #mackenzie stone #mackenzie shepherd #misslunarayne #duncan x mackenzie #millory fic #duncan shepherd fic #cody x billie au #cody x billie #collie au #cody fern fic #billie lourd fic #cody x billie fic #icouldrun #officialcodysfallenangels #michael langdon x mallory au #house of cards fanfic

[mugsywrites]

Happy December 21!

On this most auspicious and sacred date in the year of our Lord one thousand nine hundred and eighty-two humanity was blessed with the arrival of this beautiful angel:

Instead of justifiably declaring Itself finished and resting on Its laurels the Universe decided exactly one year to the day later that it would try to top Itself and blessed humanity again with this perfection:

However, because humanity is flawed, cruel, and ultimately unworthy of such gifts both of them had the extreme misfortune of being cast in a television show controlled by literal agents of Satan complete with horns and cloven hooves who did all in their power to fuck them over with shitty story lines, unnecessarily brutal deaths, and under-developed character arcs before tossing them aside like garbage. It is entirely possible that everything from global warming to the to the loss of Pluto’s planetary status to the rise of vaping is the Universe’s karmic payback for this disrespect towards Its gifts.  May humanity one day be forgiven.

#tom payne #steven yeun #shitpost

[davenettis]

The Midnight Club

Spoilers, probably. 💀💀

(This iPhone commercial before the show even started #yesssss)

oooh the recap. TELL US THE SECRET.

Weatherbee taking the books 💀💀

Let's not lie, no one would be this on a fucking D&D game.

"the little we know about it" Y'ALL KNOW EVERYTHING WHY LIE

"AS MAYOR" when you forget Hermione is Mayor for a hot minute lmao

Why would Betty and Jughead be playing if they're the ones investigating it, Veronica?????

DOCTOR CURDLE JR. WHAT UP

HA. BETTY GOT THE RECEIPTS. *snaps at Alice*

No, never believe when Alice accepts defeat that easy.

OHHHH SHIT, ALICE.

"shouldn't u be in a church" 💀 burn.

HAHAHAHAHAH ITS UP UR ASS, PENELOPE.

Slap that hoe. Do ittt. Yassssss. HSHAHAHAHA TRASHY BITCH

oh God this is better than any episode ever. YESSSSS STREAK.

*chants with them* STREAK STREAK STREAAKKKKK.

Wow. The 80s intro, beautiful. 👏👏

(it just cut to a random buffalo chicken dip commercial and I was so CONFUSEDDDDDD)

(like weird flex but ok??)

(how many freaking commercials do I have to watch before it comes back on. I'm at six. Like come on)

The bad girl, the rebelling Catholic, the teachers pet, the artist/athlete, the political animal, ANDDDDD the ladies man.

Sometimes I forget they have a kid??? Hahahah Betty's like ew gross can u not tell me how hot my boyfriend's dad is please

"cause I have nothing better to do" I feel it.

The music choices are just 👏👏

AYE YOUNG DADDY KELLER . KEVIN NO. LMFAO

Secrets and Sins??? Thought that shit was truth or dare. So dramatic .

"I wanna stay here my whole life" wooowwww. Aim high, Freddie.

RUNNING FOR MAYOR. the foreshadowing.

he really didn't escape the Southside lmfaoooo

OH FP ONE IS SCARY .

OMG PENELOPE. oh GOD hahahahahaha it's Clifford. Damn, no wonder she's such a stone cold, bitch.

(TAKEEEE ONNNN MEEEEEEEE)

Aw. They're all besties. ♥️♥️♥️

Gryphons and Gargoyles. 🤦🏻‍♀️ No kids, put it back.

His name? The demogorgan Gargoyle King

Yeah, Fred, u the radiant knight. 💁🏻‍♀️

Did the V on his cast just change from black to red?

AW. THEY HAD TO PAIR UP AND HE LOOKED AT ALICE. Cuuuute.

She in the mood for chaos. That's where Cheryl gets it.

Is Hermione gonna kiss FP too? He's a skank lmfao

Aw. Alice, it's ok, hunni.

"what exactly went down with you and Alice?" Uh, obviously their pants, Hermione.

(KJ really looks like young Luke Perry. The CASTING on this show)

ALICE. BAD. BAD ALICE. NO.

YEAH THE BLUE AND GOLD? OUR BUGHEAD SANCTUARY? HOW DAAAARE.

Oh. Now they're LARPing.

HAHAHAHAAH. IS THAT DILTON AGAIN (obviously he's his dad but still)

No, no. Don't rise to any challenge. Stop it.

FIZZLE ROCKS 💀💀💀💀

Uh oh. Gargoyle king is real.

(please stop showing food commercials, I'm so hungry. I'm about to gnaw my arm off)

(U GOT EXXMA? what U GOT EXXMA???)

(like I'm so excited, I could die. "That's morbid")

THE FRED HEADS . YASSSSSS. SING IT, HUNNNIIII.

thank God he's just playing drums, pls don't make my Cole sing.

THE DREAM WARRIORS. 👏👏👏👏👏 I LOVE THIS.

HAHFJEJFNEJFENCJEJ CASEY'S FACE WHEN HE WAS LAUGHING. oh. Oh Lord.

What's happening ? Oh no. Ohhhh no. Don't drink the Kool fresh aid

Oh NOPE. HEEEELLLLL NO. uh oh.

Alice is smart, she fuckin left.

Principal Featherhead....

What a name.

NICE HICKEY, HERMIONE. OMG FRED'S DAD NO.

OH GOD AND THE PRINCIPAL IS MISSING?!

Aw, Fred. It's okay, bby.

Oh hell no. He's still the school?! No no no. Oh fuck.

IS THAT JUGHEAD'S CLOSET? DID JUGHEAD SLEEP IN A CLOSET WHERE A DEAD ASS BODY WAS???

(cut to a bleach commercial. Nice segway)

WHY U ASSUMING THEY DID IT TO HIM 🤣

Destroy the gameeeee.

Ew. No, we don't have to spit. We can just make the pact..

(WELCOME TO YO LIFEEE. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.)

YES, HERMIONE. GET THEM PEARLSSSS.

KELLER AND SIERRA 😭😭😭😭 "I'll wait for you." OUUUCCCHHHHH, MY WHOLE ASS HEART JUST SHATTERED.

(I'm happy af they're together now 👏👏👏👏)

I AM SCREAMING. MY HEART.

Jason still creeps me out. Even as Clifford.

YES. THE JACKET.

Rock them, Serpents, daddy.

HEY THERE, HAL COOPER. 💀💀💀💀

God. The adults need a spin off because THIS. EPISODE. WAS. BEAUTIFUL.

(what are these vaping commercials? Let me smoke in peace)

Betty, your classmates have been dying for like three years. Just let it happen.

No one ever noticed all the initials carved in the window before??

Oh shit. The chalices. (Why would you hide them at the school, idiot)

JUGGIE. JUG. MY HEART.

All the Serpents are playing now lmfao

Yeah, the end was SO her hallucinating.

(I mean, maybe they are playing but ...I highly doubtful Jughead is stupid enough to be drawn into it that intensely, knowing the consequences )

#riverdale #riverdale spoilers #3x04

[internet-woman]

Has anyone talked about the connection between Lord of the Rings and the rise of vape shops

[fileblade7-blog]

Vape Cbd - An Overview

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[amelka-anxiety]

Pyromaniac

Click click click.

My nerves rising, my thoughts clouding.

Click click click.

It’s almost time. I can’t I can’t I can-

The steam fills my sight, ominous grey surrounding me, almost an illusion of cloudlike softness in my gaze. For a moment I feel escape so near; I feel free, I feel strong but most of all I feel.. Weak? As if I’m leading myself astray. I’m not, I can’t be wrong in this.. This helps. I’m sure.

Call me crazy, call me weird, call me weak.. Please Please PLEASE I am begging I need validation to know that I’m not alone, I cannot be wrong in this so just Please.. Tell me the things I wish to hear- your toxic words aimed to hurt me take a deep lodging in my arteries- always leaving me on the edge of a heart attack and yet they sound like honey spoon fed into my ears; so sweet and so familiar but always makes you want to throw up. Like most things do nowadays.

The steam that just felt so kind to me now turns to smoke. Now it does not seep into my lungs with good intentions. Now it battles its way through my trachea and fills my lungs with soot as dark as my thoughts. It clogs everything up until I don’t have a choice but to give up.

Call me crazy, call me werid, call me weak.. But every time somebody asks me what I wish to receive as a gift I always want to say a kettle, a straightener, a lighter. The shame always hits before I allow myself to say it. Why on earth would this freak want something producing heat, producing steam, producing smoke. Most kids my age vape or smoke and there is just.. Me. I don’t vape, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink.

My form of drugs is sneaking my way downstairs in the early hours of the morning turning on the kettle.

Click click click.

Waiting in suspense in anticipation- wondering if it is worth it.

Click click click.

The water rumbles and it settles in that ‘Oh my Lord now I have to do this’

Click click click.

The sick excitement of envisioning my muscles tensing up as the hot liquid sears into my epidermis leaving scars for a lifetime.

Click.

It’s time and the fear hits, the fear of being caught, the fear of the pain, the fear of being questioned about the skin peeling off from my forearm. The 50/50 thoughts cause you to spiral. It’s suffocating. It is worse than anything. It is tearing you apart- ripping your organs away from each other. One side says ‘Do it. Do it. I bet you won’t. What is the worst that will happen? You’ve done this before, you know basic healthcare DO IT.’ and the other one, much softer. ‘What if Mother asks? What if she yells again? What if she breaks this arm too in punishment for making her out to be the monster? You can’t, we need her to love us, please don’t…’

I never want this to happen, it is never my intention but my panicked body always lets the first voice win. My automatic reaction is to leap forward and with no thoughts pour it on my skin.

My muscles freeze. My vision blanks. My hearing is filled with static and my floor now covered in water. The familiar seeping of the clear fluid into my complexion makes me almost groan in the release of all that I have been bottling up so far.

I put the kettle back in its place. Look at my now scarred tissue. My knees buckle under the stove light. I lay my head in my knees, sobbing as I realise and accept the truth.

I’m crazy!

I’m weird!

And I am so, so weak.

-Amelka -----

#poem #slam poetry #poetry

[brodie33xer-blog]

The Illustrious Life

The times goes by life being pressured abuse these people surrounds nothing else people facing lot of challenges but to show sizeable on the life willing to do things in form of simplicity stand firm aboard greatness in life is to be fullfilled by the people who sacrfice doing there jobs there work there purpose in life Like in the beach living alone is not better living with the friends that is on the each side of the sand great things but does not say challenges make people better are not good enough on the side of mine confidence brings out the people who stand out for the great things that they done no longer experience thought their lifes shame bring us down by thought of he too hard to fight but even we shrink back we stand against people who bring them down it has no sense they rise because we prove it they are tougher than he illustrious life easily to have but he work hard be tough when their grew up comes challenges,problems comes how does it fit to the lives that it seen by it is nature his experience have alot of learnings his testimony talks he is a bad boy smoking weeds vape cigarettes and drinking liquor all throughout of the year he always do going to school drunk his life full of problems but he meet a person introduce who is GOD after the person shares he realize that he was very wrong he does not give back the reward for his parent who sacrfice for him he always remind that he is a stupid and a rebelled son after a one weeks he continually his growth for GOD and also attending the church and fellowshiping with his fellow believers and give him a mission to disciple his friends classmates but the people surronds him does not see his change in life but he always prove that he is already a disciple of GOD after two months he was probably going back to his old life but after he do what he do before he realize that he is losing again his faith and he pursue to be firmly stand strong he always go for the discipleship class and he see the value of his life related to his fellow believers telling their life before that they were drug addicts gumblers but GOD change them he says that there is no possible for GOD after six months he started to disciple people and sharing his own testimonies for his fellow students in his campus he show how great his life with GOD and reaching out his fellow students spreading the Good news the he heard to his pastors mentors and his chruch friends he created a group called victory group talking about their own experiences in life sharing how they were change by GOD because of that he always being active smiling helping his friends getting up even they are in heavy situation and he is in SHS strand of STEM and pursuing the goals in life he wants to be a great basketball player and a succesful mechanical or aeronautical engineer someday but he told in his self GOD already planned he motivate his self by learning from his mistakes And correcting his wrongs with the help of GOD and throwing all the temptations in his life and when he goes to bilad and try to preach the word but he was persecuted by the students and he never stop preaching the word until he minister a one person and it become fruitfull as of me in senior highschool pursuing my goal in life and my will for my God even sometimes he fail but he lift it his mistakes and focused on what he need to do in this week he knows that they are blind by sin and they are still bleeding in there hearts because of the hurts rejections in life but this person restore his hope to GOD serving the people surround on him helping each people who are broken persecuted by the people he do not know what will happen to him he study hard pursuinh to be in cream section next year in Grade twelve he promise to his self he will work hard and obey his parents to achieve his goals in life and always continually worshiping and praising God after he not attending his class in the afternoon he was so down in a situation but his friends cheered him up to break the problem and he was happy but he was disappointed to his teacher and telling his problem to him and was solve by them he doing it all because he have a great life with God he was a good boy obey his parents and serving his sisters and singing for God and telling what his experience in different situation problems me was covered by darkness but he was shine by the light of the Lord and he have a strenght to study more and have faith in God be tough and enough said on him he was fully establish and encourage and continuing the essence of his life on this world by the advise of his former adviser and from a true friends that he have do not pull down yourself it will forsake but being positive thinker and unashamed of it and one of his line even he is always late atleast he will gonna learn a lot in this day thus he was late but his mindset already advance that he will study more harder and harder he love to play basketball because it shows the great things that it happens on him he change for the rest of his life to have a new life he likes to talk every moment to his former adviser and friends that feels him not bored and belong to a community nor family even he does not go to the cream section this year but he told next year he will be belong again in the community of the students of cream sections he flex and always saying it is a flexicution and this world full of antidote people needs ransom to be great but him tellshe does not need inherit but only the service that he do showing value to the peolple who needs service because that is what God teach to us he will do until the end life must keep going on because God bless him for a illustrious life.

[comm250rachelt-blog]

Blog #5—Advertising/Public Relations

Granny was kind of sad about our last interview for this project. I think she’s really enjoyed talking about her past, but I think she’s more enjoyed semi-regular calls from me. 

When I told her this post’s topic, she was a little nervous. In all her other interviews, she had a hard time remembering much about commercials or advertisements. 

She remembers billboards, sure, but she mostly remembers the Burma Shave signs. She said they had “catchy little rhymes and they all went together.”

A Burma Shave sign. Photo taken from https://repository.duke.edu/dc/adaccess/BH0684

“Lady Bird Johnson tried to get rid of those, you know,” Granny whispered, as if we were being watched.

“The highway signs? Well, I don’t think she did a very good job,” I replied.

“Oh!” She laughed. “I guess not!”

She couldn’t remember any specific signs painted on barns, but with the help of my mom, she remembered the Meramec Caverns ad painted on a barn along I-70. I drive by that barn every time I go to Kirksville.

When talking about window displays, Granny just lit up. She LOVED going to look at the window displays. She told me about how her dad would take them downtown every Christmas to see the themed displays. All the department stores had displays, but she remembers Famous-Bar having one for sure.

An old Macy’s Christmas display. Photo take from https://www.6sqft.com/macys-lord-taylor-and-more-the-history-of-new-york-citys-holiday-windows/.

Granny’s memories of the war aren’t very clear. She only really remembers seeing stuff on the 6 o’clock news. She can’t remember propoganda, or really much of anything during wartime.

Over all of the past interviews, Granny has painted this picture for me of a household without any rules. They weren’t restricted in what they could listen to, or watch, or read, or really anything Granny and I have talked about over the past semester.

It was in this interview, we discovered their ONE house rule regarding media.

NO POSTERS!

“We weren’t allowed to poke holes in our walls! And I guess we couldn’t use tape either,” Granny explained.

I was delighted to hear that Granny spent her days leading up to Christmas circling items in catalogs, just like I did when I was a kid. Overall, I think we actually had very similar childhoods, despite some major differences. 

In general, Granny believes there is a lot more advertisements today than there was growing up. She also pointed out that a lot of ads were for cigarettes and beer. We still have beer ads, but there aren’t any pro-cigarette ads anymore. She also mentioned a rise in vaping and juul ad.

Commercials back in her day were “cuter.” She remembers commercials for Timex Watches where they would run over a watch with a truck and give the tagling “Timex takes a licking and keeps on ticking.” Granny loved that.

A Timex ad with their slogan. Photo taken from http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/search?q=timex

Back in her day, they wouldn’t have advertised feminine care products. Also, ads these days are often more sexual, with more nudity. 

“Yeah, they wouldn’t have allowed all that naked stuff,” Granny said, waving her hand dismissively.

When asked if she was tired of ads, she gave a hearty yes!

“I can’t get away from it, especially on the phone, and especially on my games. You can’t do anything without an ad popping up under your thumb.”

I’m going to miss doing these interviews with Granny. It’s been a lot of fun to document parts of her life like this, and she really enjoyed getting to reminisce.

#comm250

[thederivativeofrad]

Update

We’re doing informative speeches in my COM101 Public Speaking course, (surprise, surprise), and so far there have been five, one of which was mine which quite frankly I wasn’t impressed with compared to how I had been performing. 

The other four have been phenomenal, but one so far has stuck with me in a way that I don’t particularly care for. That was a speech about drug addiction, the popularity of heroin, the effects of heroin, and discussion on how we can begin addressing this problem.

As I’ve discussed before, I am on medication for my seizures. They have been diagnosed as stress related and are being treated with Lamotrigine. This drug is not only an anticonvulsant, but it is a rising treatment for bipolar disorder. My neurologist went as far as to say that the medication I’m taking isn’t preventing my seizures directly, it is levelling my emotions to the point where my stress doesn’t build up the same way and they have since ceased. 

My first couple of months and quite long periods here and there have been pretty nice. Again, as mentioned, the medication makes me feel like a person again, not like some hallow shell. The thing with being a person is that you’re not happy all the time. Not everything is easily dismissible. In fact, my neurologist said that this will not always affect my mood for the better. 

As a medication for bipolar disorder, the point of this medication is not to make one feel better in the traditional sense of how we think of better, rather, it is to level moods and keep violent mood swings from being present. This allows one to work through their emotions, to manage what they’re feeling, while not having to deal with constant swings between mania and depression. This has been radically helpful in my growth as a stronger person, and it’s amazing what less than a year can do.

Those aren’t the drugs we’re collectively worried about, though. Those aren’t considered able to be abused. They don’t give you a high, they’re not something you’d buy illegally unless you needed them and couldn’t afford them at market price without insurance. 

What people talk about are 

Drugs.™

like marijuana, adderall, coke, meth, heroin, acid, ecstasy, nicotine, alcohol, shrooms... 

So many drugs that we can’t even keep track of all the names and the street names and what they do and what they look like, how much they cost and how easy they are to find in your neighbourhood.

I was surrounded by cigarette smoke, not at home but everywhere else. Growing up, every restaurant had a “smoking” section, the world was an ashtray, if so and so you knew didn’t smoke half their family did. It was social, like drinking always has been, and it was very much accepted socially. The smell gave me a headache. A brief whiff of cigarette smoke will give me a massive headache for a couple of hours. The last time I had a solid breath of second hand smoke I almost threw up and was holding my head throughout the last class I had for the day.

It’s not a quick I need to vomit feeling, either, it’s more of a slow something’s wrong... I don’t quite know b--oh lord

Still, I think about it.

I think about how people describe smoking, how it makes them feel, how their stress melts and they can think for a minute. I still see people smoking or chewing I think it’s disgusting I can barely hold down the lunch I forgot to eat but...

Vaping.

Now there’s something that doesn’t have the same apparent consequences. 

It doesn’t give me a headache, it’s not shamed publicly, it doesn’t smell bad, it doesn’t stain clothes or teeth or upholstery, it doesn’t leave ashes or butts in the sand at the beach or on the pavement in parking lots or the grass of parks. It can be classy, just like smoking used to be.

People do it just to do it, they do it for nicotine, they do it for THC, CBD, probably E and ten or fifteen other drugs that you can fit in a mod and it’s glorious because no one knows the wiser. What a way to try nicotine to see if it’s really sweet relief. What a way to be high in public and not even feel high at all.

But we’ve all thought about smoking at one point or another, we just decided it was either too gross, too risky, [inclusive] or too expensive.

Let’s take a step back to take two forward.

The speech the girl gave in class today referenced this Reddit thread that consists of an addict explaining what heroin feels like. A few replies down, a particular individual said this:

I'm glad to hear that you're well. I've always been curious about heroin. Not enough to try it, but I'm grateful for an honest account of what it's like. Your story sated my curiosity.

It didn’t sate mine. It sparked mine. 

It felt like the internal conversation I’ve had about nicotine; what does it feel like to be chill to be functional and happy without these excess feelings surrounding it? Excess feelings that other drugs provide, like pot. I’ve done the pots.

I’ve consumed marijuana recreationally and medically. I’ve let it lull me to sleep and I’ve stayed awake to feel my head spin like a rolodex and to laugh at someone playing Tetris just because it’s so amazing to me how well they’re doing. 

I’m happy, I guess, in a sort of artificial way, but I’m actually just more open--not really reserved in that time. I’d like to think I’m already fairly genuine, but pot makes me more open than I could ever be sober. 

I laugh at small things when I’m high because I’m amazed and I don’t hide it. 

I cry at small things when I’m high because I’m sensitive and I don’t hide it. 

I think thoughts I don’t let myself think when I’m sober because I can’t keep myself from thinking them. They’re not all good thoughts. 

Is that me, though? 

...

No.

I don’t particularly think so. 

I don’t think some of the things I think are reflections of who I am. I don’t think some of the things I laugh at are funny or that some of the things I cry about are sad or hurtful. I don’t feel like marijuana uncovers who I am, I feel like it puts on a different colour mask that’s fun and sometimes relaxing to hide behind, but it’s not normal, it’s not how I think of myself being, nor how I want to be consistently. 

So I’m not going to eat a cookie and go to class no matter how well I can hold my composure if I focus on doing so. That’s just wearing the mask and not even embracing it. That’s a mask on top of that mask.

After so many masks it gets hard to see, so what was the point of trying to clear your head if you can’t manage to get a decent view?

So...

About that heroin...

I get the point of how the individual described the drug. He starts off with how wonderful it [is] and lets that spiral until his life [is] encompassed by it. Even so, how does that first bit actually feel? What’s it like to experience a high that doesn’t put you in the clouds, but keeps you on the ground just with rose tinted glasses? Does it feel like love? Does it feel warm? Does it feel like doing the things you want to do because there isn’t anything negative eating at you preventing you from doing what you want to do all the time because why would you ever do anything that you enjoy how dare you say you enjoy anything in the first place 

I can’t do 

Anything 

I enjoy without 

Thinking

I can’t just sit back and listen to music I have to listen for the key the time signature the chords the rhythms the lyrics the notes the harmonies the dynamics the intonation the breathing of the vocalist

I can’t read I can’t watch movies I can’t consume media because I can’t shut my mind off for ten seconds in the “what happens next” category to just enjoy and let what happens next happen I have to guess and if I’m wrong I have to figure out what happened and why am I so stupid why couldn’t I figure it out

I can’t just sit back and eat my dinner I have to deconstruct it and figure out how it was made and where everything was sourced from and how many steps it took to get to where it is now and oh no is this under-cooked or just funny coloured or is it rotten or poisoned no no you’re crazy it’s just different than the rest of it for no particular reason other than that it’s organic matter and is imperfect or is it who touched this how can I get money from this if I get sick

I can’t lie down and go to sleep where did that sound come from WHERE DID THAT SOUND COME FROM WHERE DID THAT SOUND COME FROM 

What if I could just live?

What if heroin could help me to just live?

...

Well, thankfully, it’s not that bad anymore. 

It used to be. My medication makes it better, but it’s not perfect. I still feel bad sometimes and I still get that light headed feeling sometimes that makes me feel like I’m going to wake up somewhere that I wasn’t the last I recall and that’s honestly the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life. I would take a large amount of physical suffering over having to face that again.

That’s one of the reasons I don’t try these things, but it really just comes down to the fact hat no matter how horrendously scarred I may be I’ve determined that figuring out if heroin feels as good as cuddling isn’t worth giving up the guaranteed comfort of cuddling. It boils down to a fairly simple conclusion:

I’m not stupid.

I won’t ever do these drugs.

I won’t drink, I won’t smoke, I won’t shoot up, I won’t huff.

I won’t take my life figuratively or literally through these poisons.

I’m not afraid of becoming an addict.

...

However,

I’m afraid of not ever overcoming the curiosity of being an addict.

I’m afraid I will never grow out of eyeing vapour mods.

I’m afraid of my intrusive thoughts

My considerations of self destruction

I won’t act on them, but we’re not any less afraid of the things we’ve been shown we should not logically fear.

We all have a handful of things we fear to some degree.

I’m not afraid of becoming an addict.

I’m afraid of the part of me who would already be

But he’s not in charge

I am.

Done out, peace update.

#personal #update #rant