#we will see perhaps ill delete this later

[musingsofadepressedgay]

Vast empty darkness

Interupted by your fire

I'm warm in its light

#idk shitty poetry i guess #lesbian yearnings #gay yearnings #tried my hand at a haiku idk how i feel about it #we will see perhaps ill delete this later

[kingconia]

hi! are your requests open (feel free to delete this ask if not)? i love ur writing style! i’d like to request hcs of leona with an s/o who gets sick easily.. like if it’s cold, they’re sick but if it’s hot they’re also sick. my immune system is weak irl and i’d love to see this written (only if u can tho!!)

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR WITH S/O, WHO GETS SICK EASILY

— Leona grew up around beastmen, and other specific creatures, who rarely get sick, thanks to their strong immune system. So, when Leona notices how often you catch cold, he is absolutely confused;

— He is not even sure how it happens? Leona always makes sure to wrap some additional clothes around you, when it is chilly outside, and yet, you wake up with temperature as you cough your lungs out;

— You explain that it is natural for you, something that had been happening in your previous life too, and that yours immune system is that weak. Leona still having a hard time to proceed this fact;

— When winter ends, bringing back a warm and familiar to him weather, Leona relaxes. Surely, you are not going to fall sick in the spring, right? Right?!

— He is wrong. And desperate;

— The fact that you yourself don't even pay attention to your state, irritates him even more. What do you mean that's normal?! You can die! (He is such a drama queen, but isn't that sweet?);

— When Leona brings you to the Afterglow Savanna, thinking that there you will be safe here from any kind of diseases, and you still manage to lay down with temperature, Leona gives up;

— Or not really? He still thinks that, perhaps, there is some potion to fix the problem! And he is sure about being able to figure it out, sooner or later;

— But for now, Leona can take care of you! His laziness means nothing, when it is a question of your health;

— He can easily feed you, bring you medicine, and generally sit with you, when you are feeling weaker than usual. And if you sleep a lot, when you are ill, it is a perfect bonus!

— Leona will never admit, but he secretly likes being able to pamper you so much. A proud lion taking care of his great lioness!

•

”...Leona?”

”Hm-m?”

You open your mouth, but close it again, when you meet these emerald eyes of his.

There is a question you are meaning to ask him for a while, but all your attempts fail. Either because you get too nervous about to this topic, or because Leona distracts you effectively.

”Well?” He raises his eyebrows. ”Spit it out, herbivore.”

You scrunch your nose, watching him to put more meat on your plate. Leona seriously needs to stop calling ’herbivore’, when all he does it feeds you with meat...

”Don't you get annoyed?”

”I am always annoyed,” he chuckles with unhidden amusement.

”No way,” you roll your eyes. ”I mean... Don't you get annoyed that I am sick all the time? It is not fun to have me around, you know.”

Well, it is not like you are chained to the bed on the daily basis, of course! There are always weeks, when you have no troubles in paradise at all; much like right now. Yet, it still bothers you.

”And I am the fun to have around?” Leona huffs.

You shrug.

It is Leona. He might have a specific character—and a streak for angry issues—but deep inside, he is truly nice and comforting person. And, funny. Especially, when he mocks the headmaster.

“Oi, herbivore, are you serious?” He blinks, a genuine surprise paints his face for a second, before he sighs. ”Where it comes from?”

Well, it is only natural to be plugged by these thoughts. That is how things worked in your previous worlds, after all. You were troublesome in eyes of others—and your own—and even kind jokes from your friends about this matter, made you feel bad about yourself.

”Listen,” Leona frowns. ”I am not annoyed. What about I should be annoyed? It is how your immune system works, that's it.”

”Yeah, but,” you gesture vaguely in the air, ”I am not really a sport person, so we can't share some quality time together. And I even caught the fly, when we were in Savanna. Which was extremely embarrassing, by the way. And—”

Leona catches your hand in his, letting out another exasperated sigh. You instantly cut your speech, carefully starting to study an expression on his face.

”Tch. First of all, we have chess matches—that what am I calling a good quality time,” of course, he does. He wins all the time. ”Secondly... Yeah, of course, I was freaking out, when you got sick in Savanna—I mean, had you seen the fucking weather here?—but, you gave me a mighty excuse not only to skip meetings with Falena, but also sit without Cheka for a while. If it wasn't fun for you, sorry. But it was the best holidays in my life.”

You scoff.

Prince Cheka wasn't allowed in your chambers back then, his mother being worried that he might catch cold from you. And Leona seemed indeed happy by that...

”You are such an ass—”

”I am acting irritated sometimes,” he continues, ignoring your remark. ”But, I am not mad at you. If anything, I am just frustrated about how useless I am.”

Ah, what a sweetheart.

Your faces softens instantly, and your hand grips his tightly.

”...I love you.”

”Yeah, just no need to thank me. You are a perfect justification for missing classes, you know?”

...Nevermind.

”Leona, fuck o... Achoo!”

His lips curl in a smirk.

”Oh, seems like I am about to miss housewardens' meeting. Again. What a shame.”

You hate Leona sometimes. You really do.

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

IPKKND ft. Jalebi

Warning: In this Jalebi edition I will write a slight canon divergence for me based on existing material 😊 it’s not a diss to the original! It’s just little/big changes (taking reality into consideration) - a what if based on what we HAVE. Hope you enjoy

#2 The Reveal

Original

Khushi, after watching Arnav suddenly be kind to her and watching a news bulletin that talks about a man marrying another so as to his astrological ill fate falls on the new wife instead of the one he intends to love and marry, assumes an atheist Arnav would precisely do the same - hence why he married her.

To marry his true love Lavanya and have his birth chart misfortune befall Khushi instead. Thus Arnav is planning to kill her and Khushi decides to kill herself before he does it first. And this is all played for “silly” comedy.

Arnav saves her from killing herself and tells her the truth. Khushi later pretends nothing happened and chirps around until Arnav confronts her again and she gets angry on him and he disbelieves her story.

Jalebi edition:

Post Holi Arnav and Khushi are very raw and vulnerable. Khushi understands the tension between Shyam and Arnav and is very restless about it. Why would Arnav keep glaring at his beloved jijaji? What wrong could have happened? Oh no, did he know the truth? How could he have known?

Shyam gets further desperate in getting his hands on the papers, and Khushi notices further the tension between the men. She decides to ask Arnav about it but is interrupted with Arnav fake romancing her as they had Anjali witnessing them. Khushi feels all their intimate moments were a play!

Angry, Khushi demands why much she pretend to be a happy wife? She accuses him of hurting her but he accuses her of hurting him more.

Shocked at that, Khushi fears the worst. One, he must’ve known about Shyam. Two, during Holi she must’ve blurted the truth to Shyam.

With Shyam getting more insulting, Khushi straight up heads to Shyam and demands he tells the truths to Arnav. Shyam tries to use to opportunity to get her to sign some papers by Arnav, but Khushi refuses. Angry, Shyam decides to play dirty.

He mocks Khushi that she must be knowing why Arnav married her. Khushi is stunned and Shyam, honestly, tells everything. That Arnav saw what happened on the terrace, misunderstood it, threatened and blackmailed Shyam, and the point of marriage was to use Khushi against Shyam.

Shyam is happy seeing confusion in Khushi’s face but Khushi calls him a liar and storms off, not believing a single word she said. She wonders if he indeed marry her for this and that she could take him to visit her family but in anger if he reveals the contract marriage they’d be hurt further.

Exhausted, she asks Arnav why he married her, Arnav tells her and Khushi can’t believe it. She asks him not to lie but he emphasizes he isn’t!

Khushi is shattered and chooses to kill herself but Arnav saves her, traumatized, and begs Khushi to explain the situation to him instead of…

Khushi yells at him, the sheer audacity to ask for an explanation when he left no room for questions.

Khushi tells the truth and accuses him of coming to the conclusion he perhaps always wanted to reach.

About her, her character.

(images sourced from the lovely Indi)

Tagging: @butaneandthebeast @shiyaravi @shaonsim @thenainitaldisaster @maansiloves @muttonthings @sapnokiduniyaisalwaysbetter @bengudill @myloveforstuff @laad-governess @laadgovernorandsankadevi @leila1 @lostafpanda @magicfeltmybloop @honeybellexox @featheredclover @goals1024 @bigfatreader @simplycurlz @persephone-with-a-cat @chutkiandchotte @sankititaliya @ijustchangedmyname @noor1025 @bitchy-bi-trash @thecharlesboyle @thedupattaknowswhatsup @exosexosekai @arnav-aur-khushi @whateverworks21 @starzin8s

(This is my permanent tagging list - I’m unable to get a few names cause tumblr doesn’t let them??? So sorry about that and if you want to be added/deleted lemme know)

#ipkknd #Arnav #Khushi #IPKKND ft Jalebi

[retphienix]

I really, really enjoy this morose ending.

A narrative that was implied from the word go, yet didn't become understood until it was nearing its end, for me at least.

Because they really don't hide from the facts at any point. Sure, the general populace of fear filled people often imply you're helping, but each boss drops hints matter-of-factly that you are ending each zone entirely, with the later bosses making it not just clear, but understood.

It does make me curious on why the three bosses don't seem to directly recognize the Batter, or anyone else for that matter, with the Queen and the child being the "lords" of this entire world (Son more than Queen, but Queen as a figurehead created by the Son's lingering need for his lost mother) both imply that the Batter is the Son's Father.

For all intents and purposes you'd expect the world to have some lingering theme of a hated King perhaps; Since this world is seemingly constructed from the Son's wishes and the hands of the three bosses, you'd expect the Son's resentment towards his father would manifest the same way his longing for his mother did? With everyone recognizing the Batter in some way-

but knowing what I DO know from beating off (not gonna stop saying it), I'd suspect the various opaque parts of the story not being laid out plainly are due to its own love of the mystique it offers its strange world.

And that intentional lack of information probably left me out of a beat here and there that would explain where the Batter does "fit in".

Perhaps he is the father in the flesh; Or perhaps he is the repressed idea of the father clawing back to the front. The Batter is somehow the biggest mystery in terms of origin, purpose, and- I suppose- state of matter (a phantom himself? The honest and true father? The child's work? One of the 3 bosses work? The Queen's work? be that THIS Queen or the ORIGINAL mother)

I mean, from the start the Judge isn't convinced you aren't a phantom- and towards the end you find out Phantoms are the dead, so maybe the Father shows up as the Batter in this world because the Father died. And if that's the case that opens a whole additional can of worms for what that means for the Son in his Room.

And perhaps, while we see glimpses of a world controlled by the doodling imagination of the Son, everyone is oblivious to the Batter's identity because they were crafted by the three bosses- whom seem to have known the mother, but I don't recall them ever mentioning the father- only the Son references him.

So maybe the obliviousness of everyone up until you meet the Queen is due to the Batter being an erased secret- something the "gods" in charge of each zone simply never knew?

Or maybe another route is why- and I should stop trying so hard to explain things using in-universe understandings when that universe has already been deleted.

With the pills being the smoking gun for why everything is so strange. With the entire world being in the child's head, our identity being a repressed thought against his current reality as he has grown to hate his father and this seclusion his illness has put him into, and the entire thing is explained from the perspective of the child's mind running frantic on its hamster wheel.

The three bosses are imaginary friends meant to justify to himself a sense of control as he doodles endlessly in his room. The Queen: his idealized version of his mother's memory. The Batter: a repressed idea of the father that has damned him to this seclusion. This says nothing of how the ending physically manifests in a world where the child is doodling rather than playing god, maybe it symbolizes death from his illness- with his repressed idea of his father being what he blames for each light being turned off on his death bed- or maybe I've gone too far into trying to blatantly explain a narrative I've consumed only once and I should step back to better take it in again.

Especially when that narrative itself is more fun to think on BECAUSE it's so opaque and unexplained in some ways.

The thing is- this whole uncertainty I'm left with surrounding the Batter goes right alongside other mysteries of the game, like Zacariah and the Judge's recognition of the player, or the existence of a player to begin with (narratively), or the in-universe recognition of this being a game- the fourth wall as a whole is a mystery for this narrative-

The thing is- all of that- is kinda what I'm LOVING about this game.

Just as the game itself, from a "grounded" perspective, is filled with unique, strange, and wonderfully off beat (beat off, gottem) characters, dialogue, and moments- and this strangeness is deeply appealing, and gives it such an entertaining air to it-

Just as it has that- the story it holds is breaking free from the conventional- these 4th wall bits- the player- what's left opaque even at the end- it all adds to that strangeness that's so delectable in this title. It's frosting on the cake, and I'm savoring it all~

To circle back from the overarching and back to the literal moment to moment for a second. I mentioned loving how morose this was and I thoroughly mean it. Not only is it earned. Not only is it a genuine emotional "payoff" for our journey- a journey repeatedly tainted by sadness and worry, that culminated in a player-realization of yet more sadness and worry- and capped with this ending of us watching the Judge wander a now desolate world- it's also left with the right amount of quiet and the right words to leave by.

The Judge saying he isn't doing this for a happy ending, but for the best satisfaction that can be attained from this horrible state- one where all has been erased, but the perpetrator still failed.

Excellent~ That followed by the few scenes of the Judge wandering, just excellent~

Oh! And the fucking true ending cracked me up.

Here I thought (and maybe it is!) that the true ending was me being given the choice between Judge and Batter, the shocking twist of the "True" ending was, if you'll allow me, a bat to the back of the head lol

10/10

Ah, and to close off, I reloaded and grabbed the Batter's Ending.

Between the two, and not just because it's the "good" ending, but rather because it's the "good" ending that's still entirely, 100% bad- I prefer Judges.

But.

The Batter's ending is still pretty damn succinct and strong.

While the Judge's ending left me with a perfectly poetic failed good ending that gave me plenty of pause (paws?) to think on and consider what I experienced.

The Batter's ending is like a cold close, a fantastic one. No scenic walk, no final lines about a grim victory.

The Batter just tells the Judge off for trying, walks to the switch, and turns it Off.

It's kind of beautifully done, but I stand by the Judge's morose close over the Batter's sudden darkness.

Well it took me ages but I finally beat off everybody~ 🎉

#Off game #RetPlays

[chompskysssalad]

i think mental illness is not talked about nearly enough in this niche subset of the undertale community.

and i mean about a few folks! specifically rurik, goth, palette, and lotus.

rurik first cos hes my babygirl 💙 rurik has been confirmed to have ptsd. thats a life altering disorder. one cannot just take some pills and be rid of it like you can with some ear infection.

ptsd is a serious disease, and i think instead of it being swept under the rug, it should become a forefront of his character. i want to see him recover. genuinely recover and not just some "he just got over it " bs ykno? i want to know how it makes him feel, i want to see the decisions he makes because of the disorder. how does this illness change him as a person. we do not see much of that regarding his character.

lotus next bc hes my second babygirl 😋. i cant speak on his "cannon" disorder partly because nekophy rarely talked about him as a character (often resulting in folks having to interpret him on their own, and often being... wrong. looking at all the fellpoth folks from the years of 2017 to 2019) and partly becaue she deleted her original account with 95% of her lotus asks. but what i can dig up is he was abused growing up by f!geno and f!reaper. i can dig up that canonically him and rurik had a rough relationship that often ended in physical violence from both parties.

how does this change him as a person? he is such a bland character if im honest. we were given a character ref and told to do what we gotta do. i want to see him fleshed out (although that will probably never happen!) i want to see what illnesses or disorders he has obtained throughout his life, wether it be from childhood or abusive relationships. how does this affect him as a person and how does this affect his relationships with people? that is a question i think we will never know unless you create your own headcannon for it.

goth next cos hes chillin... goth has always been seen as a shy, awkward, man-child who cant do much for himself. i think thats wrong and i dont mind saying that because i personally cannot stand his creator lolol. goth has so much... potential. he is the son of the god of death, he is no baby that needs his hand held throughout life.

now there is one thing i do like about his original character, and that is the effect he has on relationships. in both a poth and duelette universe, he is smitten and doesnt quite know what to do with himself around the people he has crushes on. i can work with that. i suspect he has some sort of personality disorder just from being in this part of the fandom for so long yknow? this is perhaps getting into headcannon territory which i will get into later (maybe)

palette my beloved, he was the first sans i ever laid my little 9 year old eyes on.... he is much more fleshed out as a character than goth or lotus for SURE. however i suspect that there is one thing that is merely. glossed over. and another folk has talked about it.

he's so autistic dude. not a doubt in my mind. i dont even need to put this in the headcannon section because its so hinted at (even if thats not what the creator was aiming towards)

his emotions, him being so "oblivious", just the way he carries himself... autism dude. and i crave it !! i want it !! i want to see this fully implemented into his character and his personality and his relationships. i want to see how this affects him and the others around him. how does due respond to it? what about goth? hell, even rurik? i crave this. i want more

i would talk about dante and due, but im 99% sure dante has already been fully fleshed out (psychopathy and whatnot) and im honestly.. not sure about due. they're great characters and all but my autism laser pointer is directly on the four i just spoke about (sorry pookies i love yall)

#feel free to tell me if im wrong #i might be. maybe perchance #i love these guys so much #ive been in this part of the fandom since 2017 #i was like.... (counts on my fingers) #ten years old in 2017???? omg dude #rurik is my babygirl #feel free to add if u like ... #i love interacting with you guys #i have friend crushes on like 5 of you #(i want to be your friend but idk how to approach you) #(approach me first.... ples...) #chompsky texts #poth #fell poth #lurik #lurik ship #palette roller #palette #rurik liderc #rurik #lotus mortis #lotus #goth afterdeath #goth #fell goth #fell palette

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #52

previously - Journal Entry #51 (part two)

Yuri

Have you ever wished you didn't exist?

I'm not talking about wanting to take your own life or hoping that you'll just fall asleep one night and never wake up. I mean wishing that you actually didn't exist, that you'd never been conceived and born in the first place.

I wish for that.

I'm not sure if I'll post this recording to our journal. I may even delete it from my phone later. The only reason I'm doing this at all is because I'm feeling so frustrated and upset and... I don't know. Worthless. Horrible. Perhaps angry at myself because I can never live up to anyone's expectations for me, not even my own.

Despite the number of times I'm told that I'm enough just as I am, I can't make myself believe it. I notice how people pretend to like me when they don't, and how they're polite and deferential to me because they think I'm too fragile to handle their honest feelings about me. I'm aware of their disapproval and disdain.

In all fairness, though, I can't blame anyone for disliking me. I see the work I create for everyone around me and how much of a burden I am to them. I despise myself for that.

The sad irony is, as much as I don't want to be a burden, not being one seems impossible. I'll never not be chronically ill. There'll be periods when I'm reasonably well, but there'll also be times when I'm too sick to do anything for myself and someone will have to take care of me. That's a reality I can never escape from.

I can guess what some of you would probably say now if you heard this. But, you love all the attention you get, don't you?

I think it’s a natural human response to like receiving attention, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. The truth is, being bathed or fed or massaged feels good, and knowing I have people in my life who’ll do that and so many other personal care tasks for me gives me a certain sense of security. And yes, in the moment, I do enjoy it. The problem is, when the task is done and I’m alone with my thoughts, I start to feel guilty for allowing myself to forget, even for a second, that these things aren’t meant for my gratification. I remember I'm a selfish, awful person for enjoying something that comes at the cost of someone else's time and effort, particularly because I know full well that I can never pay them back.

The thing that bothers me most of all is that the people who do the majority of the caretaking are my mother and Victor. The people I love more than anything, who I want to see happy and who I want to protect are the very ones who suffer the most because of me.

My beautiful, brave, loyal Victor would do anything for me, and I'd move the mountain itself to repay him if I could, but my intention is not enough. I love him with my entire mind, body and soul, but my love is not enough. I don't deserve him, and I don't know why he stays with me, because nothing about me will ever be worthy of someone as good and gentle and selfless as him. Nothing can ever erase the imbalance in what we give each other, and that truth chips away at my heart more and more as time goes on.

Victor says he loves me, and he’s demonstrated it in so many ways that I’d have to be completely detached and indifferent not to believe him. He also says he doesn't mind all the work he has to do, but I'm not so certain about that one. How could it possibly be true that it doesn’t bother him? It's unfair, and I know it's hard on him, being tied down by me all the time. He gave up so much for me, and here I am with nothing of value to give in return.

Sometimes I think it would've been better if we'd never met at all. He could've had a good life without me, chased all his dreams and done everything he'd planned to do.

It's too late now. He's attached to me, and I've ruined his life, and there's no way for me to set him free to reclaim what's left of it without hurting him in the process. I offered that to him once before and it upset him so much that I swore I'd never mention it again, even if I think it'd be in his own best interest to get away from me.

Not that I ever want to be apart from him, you understand, but if I need to choose between his happiness and my own, I'll always want to choose his. It's why I'm willing to move halfway around the world, why I didn't say no when he told me he wanted to keep competing, and why I agreed to the idea of Fox coming here to help us. It's why I acquiesce to most things I'm not entirely comfortable with. Letting him have what he wants without objection is the only currency I can exchange for everything I've taken from him.

If he ever wanted to leave of his own accord, I'd let him have his way there, too. I wouldn't try to force him to stay. If it'd make him happy, I'd let him go even though it would shatter me into a million pieces, even though I'm sure I'd be in pain forever from the grief of such a loss.

Perhaps that would be my penitence. Maybe it's what I truly deserve.

I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't even be recording this. It's nothing but a confused, emotional rant, and if I do end up posting it, I fully expect that anyone who sees it will think even less of me than they already do. It's just that saying it aloud helps, even if I'm only talking to myself. At the very least, I won't lie to myself. Nearly everyone else would tell me whatever they thought I wanted to hear, which is why I've stopped talking to people about my troubles. What would be the point?

Victor says I need to see a professional, and maybe he's right. Maybe I could tell this stuff to a psychologist who isn't part of my life and who could be objective. I doubt there's anything they could realistically do to make me less of an inconvenience. They can't cure my illness or make me physically stronger, and they can't make anyone like or respect me, but I guess they'd be someone who'd listen.

Last night, after Fox left, Victor found me crying in the upstairs bathroom. I might as well admit that I threw up and that I was trying to hide that fact as well as my little breakdown from him. Have you ever tried to throw up quietly? If you discover the secret to doing that, please tell me what it is.

Because I know someone will inevitably ask, the reason I was trying to hide it is because Victor doesn't like seeing me cry. He says it makes him feel helpless. Besides, he's so tenderhearted that if I'm crying, he often ends up crying too, and I don't like seeing him cry either. I'm usually good at suppressing my emotional responses, so I really don't cry all that often, but for the past few weeks it seems I haven't been able to hold anything in. It's another sign of weakness, I suppose; yet another way I've failed him.

He knocked on the bathroom door and called for me several times. When I didn't answer, he simply opened the door and let himself in, exactly as I'd known he would.

I didn't look up at him, and just mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I said, because it was the truth. Everything felt wrong, and I was sorry for all of it.

"Uh... you think you could be a little more specific?" Victor crossed the room in a few long strides and sat near me on the floor. "Did you get sick?"

"I think you know I did."

"Okay. But, is there something else?"

"I don't want Fox to come any more," I told him.

"Why? Did something happen?"

I shook my head. I really didn't feel like discussing it, and I didn't think I was in a fit condition to have a decent conversation about anything, much less about that. Besides, how was I supposed to explain to him how inadequate Fox makes me feel? How was I supposed to say that I don’t like how patronizing Fox is, and how I feel humiliated and powerless when he talks to me as if I’m a stubborn child or as if I’m intellectually delayed?

The part I hate the most about having Fox here is how he keeps trying to convince me that I'm not actually as ill as I say I am, like I'm exaggerating my condition for attention and that I'm capable of far more than I'll admit. He seems to be under the impression that all it takes is a little willpower to overcome pain, nausea, muscle weakness, extreme fatigue and all my other symptoms, not to mention anxiety. What he doesn't realize is that I have plenty of willpower, and if it were really that easy, I wouldn’t need somebody like him. I'd have been cured long ago.

He tries to make me do things that are much too difficult, if not impossible, and I can almost never do them without consequences to my mental and physical well-being. Although I push through each task as best I can to avoid a conflict that I know I wouldn't have the stamina to deal with, I almost always feel far worse afterwards. He says he's helping me, and he calls it progress. I call it cruel and unusual torment.

He's supposed to be taking care of me. He's getting paid to take care of me. I think that obligates him to stick to caretaking, and should not extend to pretending to be my friend or to practicing his dubious amateur occupational therapy on me.

But, I couldn't confess any of that, could I?

"No," I said at last. "Everything's fine. I just... I think I can look after myself now."

I couldn't, of course, and I have no idea why I said that. I just didn't know how much longer I could endure the situation as it stood, and I suppose it was a way to get Victor to make Fox leave without me resorting to complaining about him.

Victor pulled at his lower lip with his teeth and gave me a worried look. My husband may be many things, but stupid and imperceptive aren't among them. He saw through me straight away. "Yuri, you can barely make it from your bedroom to here without help. I don't know if you're strong enough to look after yourself yet."

But, for some unknown reason, I persisted. "I'm not going to get any stronger by letting other people wait on me, am I?"

"You know it doesn't work like that," he said. "It's not like physio, where you build up strength in your muscles by exercising them. You're not going to get better by wearing yourself out."

"I'm never really going to get better anyway," I said. "I might as well do what I can, when I can, right?"

"Yes, when you can," he said. "Maybe in a few more weeks, when you—"

"No!" I cut him off mid-sentence. All of a sudden, I felt anger rising up inside me like a wave. It was irrational and relentless, and I felt unable to control it. "I don't want him here. Tell him not to come back."

"No," Victor said. "I'm not going to do that."

I stared at him, admittedly a little shocked. Victor hardly ever says no to me. "But—"

"No," he repeated. "You might not want his help any more, but I think you still need it. And I still need a little help too, until I get this other cast off."

"Helping you is meant to be my job," I said. "It's what i should be doing."

"You have a valid reason not to be doing it."

"But, I should be doing it," I insisted.

"Maybe," he said. "But I know you can't right now, and that's okay."

"I hate this!" I brought the edge of my fist down on the cold bathroom tiles as hard as I could. A jolt of pain shot up my entire arm, and as much as I tried not to wince, I'm sure I must have. "I'm tired of our lives being this way, of me not being able to do anything for you and just being a useless waste of everyone else's energy. I'm so tired of all of it, Victor. I just want it to stop."

Victor was gazing at me with an expression that might have been equal parts sympathy and perplexity. Whatever it was, it seemed obvious he didn't know how to respond. All he said was, "I know."

"No, you don't know!" I retorted. "You have no idea what it's like to be trapped in a body like mine!"

"I guess I don't, but—"

"You don't know what it's like to be exhausted and in pain all the time, or to worry that the slightest change could make it worse. You don't know how it feels to panic every time you realize you have to eat because everything you put into your mouth has the potential to hurt you. And you have absolutely no idea how worthless it makes me feel to not be able to do the simplest things for myself, much less be able to help you."

By the time I'd gotten all that out, I was shaking and crying, and there was nothing I wanted more than to be able to get up off the floor and flee as far away from everyone and everything as I possibly could. I didn't want Victor to look at me in the state I was in. I wanted to disappear, and contrary to what I previously said, in that moment I really did wish that I could go to sleep and not wake up ever again.

Victor reached toward me, like he wanted to pull me into a hug. Any other time, I'd be desperate for him to hold and comfort me, but the thought of him touching me just then was unbearable.

It was all I could do to speak through my tears. "Please, don't."

"But—" He lowered his hands and watched me for what felt like ages before he let out a long breath and tried again. "I think you need to tell me what's really going on."

"Nothing," I said. "Nothing but the same thing that's always going on around here."

"Which is...?"

"You know," I said.

"How about you humour me?”

I scrubbed fiercely at my eyes with the heels of my palms. "I'm tired. I'm tired of... everything. I don't want to keep fighting my own body any more. I don't want to keep pretending that I'm okay and that our situation is okay and that everything's fine when it's not."

"You don't have to pretend anything," he said. "We both know everything's not okay. And like, this is gonna sound like a cliché or whatever, but it's okay that we're not okay right now. Things will improve soon. They always do."

"No, they don't," I said. "Maybe it seems like that for a while, but we're always going to be caught in this cycle. Unless you decide to do something about it, you’re always going to be stuck with me."

"What do you mean, stuck with you? You make it sound like a chore or something."

"Isn't it?"

"If you're asking if it's a lot of work to take care of you, then the answer is yeah, it is a lot of work. But, it's not a chore. If it was, do you think I'd still be here? ‘Cause that’s what you meant, isn’t it? I’m only really stuck until I’ve had enough and I make up my mind to leave?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“I’m not going to leave you, Yuri,” he said. “If I didn’t think I could cope with all your health stuff, I wouldn’t have stayed in the first place. I’d have been gone already.”

"Would you?” I said. “If you didn't feel like you had to, would you still stay?”

"You're assuming I feel like I have to.”

“Aren’t you tired too? Don’t you need a break from me and my problems?”

“A break from you? No.” He smiled slightly, but I got the impression it was born of awkwardness rather than a more positive emotion. He gestured vaguely. “It’d be nice to get a break from… this, ‘cause I am pretty wiped out, but that’s not your fault. It’s just real life, you know? I need a break from real life.”

“Me too.”

“Anyway,” he went on. “I told you before, we can get help. I mean, we've got help right now and I'm practically doing nothing, so..."

"But, you would if you could."

"Naturally, I would. You know that. But, I know my limits.”

“Are we close? To your limit?”

“Can you stop for a second, please?” he said. “I don't even understand why you're bringing this up, and I need to know why we’re talking about it. I thought we already settled this. Didn't we promise that we’d stick together through everything?”

"It's... I'm thinking about it for a lot of reasons."

"Such as?"

"Seiji," I said.

“What about him?”

“He came to visit me in the hospital."

"I know."

"He's not my friend,” I stated. The words hurt, or maybe it was the realization behind them that was so painful.

"What are you talking about?” Victor asked. “Seiji is your friend. He loves you."

The things that'd come out of Seiji's mouth the afternoon of his visit had made me question whether he'd ever been my friend. It made me wonder if he, like nearly everyone else, merely tolerated me and was only polite because it'd be socially unacceptable not to be, and now he'd finally grown tired of the pretense. "He thinks I'm a monster," I told my husband. "He was so angry."

“A monster? He didn’t really say that.”

“He did.”

"He brought you mochi," Victor said, his confusion evident in his tone. Clearly, Seiji hadn't mentioned anything to him about what had taken place.

For a few heartbeats, I paused, trying to decide if I should continue or not. Finally, I replied, "Yes, he brought me mochi, but I have no idea why. I don't even know why he came, because all he did was tell me what a terrible person I am. He thinks your accident was my fault."

"It wasn't," Victor said. "He's wrong about that."

"Perhaps, but I don't think he's wrong about everything else."

"Everything else. What's included in 'everything else'?"

"He said I don't deserve you. He said... he said you could've done better than me and that I'm holding you back. He said I'm hurting you just by being with you, and that if you're unhappy, it's my fault." I stopped at that point because I could feel tears starting to sting my eyes again and my chest was starting to feel tight.

What Seiji had said wasn’t anything new to me. I’d thought of most of it on my own, long before that. But, hearing the words coming from someone else caused them to strike home all that much harder.

“He’s wrong,” Victor said. “He knows I’m not unhappy. I told him that myself. And you’re not holding me back from anything.”

“I feel like I am.”

“You’re not. I’m doing everything I want to do,” he said. “Yeah, I gave up some stuff, but it’s not like you forced me to. Coming here when i did was my choice. I could’ve waited, but I didn’t want to.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Do you want the honest answer?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like I told you before,” he said. “Sometimes I wish I’d done things differently or made different choices, and sometimes I feel sad or angry about it, but I don’t think I’d call it regret. I love you, and I was determined that I was gonna be with you sooner or later, and if that involved a few sacrifices, I’d say they were worth it.”

“But, what about me? I haven’t sacrificed anything for you.”

“You don’t think so?”

I shook my head. “I suppose I had nothing to give up, in any case.”

“Sacrificing doesn’t necessarily mean you literally give something up. Sometimes it’s like, metaphorical or whatever. Like, I think it took a massive amount of courage for you to let me move in with you. You could’ve said no, but instead of letting your fear tell you what to do, you took a risk."

“That doesn’t seem like much of a risk."

"In hindsight maybe, but think about how you felt at the time."

"I wanted you to come," I said. “And I didn't give up anything compared to what I got out of it.”

“I got a lot out of it too,” he said. “It’s not as unequal as you think.”

“What do you get out of it?”

“I got you. You’re amazing, whether you believe it or not.”

“That’s not an answer." There was an edge to my voice that I didn't like, but once the words were out, there was nothing I could do. "That's the sort of thing you say when you can't think of anything."

“Okay, fine," Victor responded. "You need me to be specific?"

"Can you be?"

"Yeah, I can," he said. "You’re my voice of reason. You help me make good decisions, and you always know how to calm me down when I’m too hyper and the noise in my brain is really bad. You teach me stuff all the time, and you do your best to take care of me.” One side of his mouth twitched in what might’ve been an ironic smile he was trying to keep at bay. “Maybe even when you shouldn’t.”

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because everything you just described... it's nothing. An acquaintance could do all that."

"You think I'd trust just any random acquaintance with my secrets? You think I'd let them into my personal space? Or let them do the stuff you did for me after my accident?"

"You let your mother and stepfather do it."

"Yuri, they're my parents. Well, Julian's not exactly my parent, but you know what I mean. I trust them just as much as I trust you, and if you don't think that much trust counts for anything, then... I don't know what else to tell you."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that!" he exclaimed.

The sharpness of his tone startled me, and totally against my will, I lost the battle to hold my tears back any longer. "I've tried so hard," I said. "But, I just... I can't be what you need. I'll always be the one taking more than I can give, and nothing I ever do will be enough. Seiji is right. You deserve so much more than I can ever offer you."

He was silent for a long time after that, but finally he said. "Do you even know what I need?"

I didn't respond. How could I? The challenge in his tone was so obvious, there was no mistaking its implication. If I answered anything other than no, it'd be the wrong answer. He was compelling me to admit my failure as a partner, but what was the point? We both understood that much already.

I closed my eyes and lowered my head. The pain I felt in my heart was a thousand times greater than anything I'd ever experienced in my body, and one thought drowned out all the others, playing in my brain on repeat.

I want all of this to end.

#ts4 #sims 4 #eagames #snowy escape #victorsworldadventures #victor nelson #yuri okamoto #tw suicide mention #tw chronic illness #tw illness #tw mental illness #tw pain #stargazersims

[humanentertainmentinc]

Hello! I’m the host of Trials of Wrath/Human Entertainment Inc.! I’ve decided to finally throw my big, business pants on (size XXXXXXXXXXL on account of me being 13’4” tall!) and write a conclusion for Trials of Wrath; this conclusion will detail thank yous, plans that will remain unfinished, character arcs, and perhaps plans for the future! Without further ado, let us begin, shall we?

My name is Tanith/Brador but for most of my trials hosting, I was called Brador so let’s stick with that name, yes? I was the host of Trials of Wrath and an incredibly proud host at that! Which, unfortunately, ultimately ended up being the downfall of these wondrous trials! Pride is a slippery slope, isn’t it? Unbeknownst to many, or perhaps not, I am a very proud individual. I pride myself on professionalism, kindness, but most importantly professionalism. It is hard for me to accept help, in that regard, since I had the logic that “I’m the host, I should have this covered!” and “this isn’t a job for anyone else, I’m the host! My job is to deliver an experience, not deliver any work!” and I’m sure you can see why that is a bad mindset to have when you’re hosting a roleplay server with over 50 characters (characters, not players, mind you), right?

My pride was my undoing and I encourage anyone who runs trials to always have at least a co-host or a handful of mods! While I understand the inherent distrust that stems from that- thoughts such as “they won’t share my vision!” or “can I really trust them to make the right choice?”- it is important that you have someone to fall back on; because at the end of the day, the most important thing you can do as the host is to ensure the safety and welfare of everyone in your server and ensure that your space is an open and safe one! Got a problem with one mod? No worries! Go to the next one! By having multiple people running the trials, yes it can cause disorganization, but it also ensures that there is always someone available to help the members you’re catering to! Isolation and pride will do you no good, unfortunately.

I learned that the hard way, when people in my trials began to feel as I was not reliable enough to come to me about issues they had with other members! A large portion- or shall I say- 95% of the active players decided to leave. No shame on them, of course! It is always within a player’s right to leave when the fun stops being fun! They are not obligated by any means to stay and I say that for individuals who mod as well! For any place you’re at, in person or online, you’re never forced to stay. You have a choice. Always. You can leave whatever endeavour you wish and start a new one! And isn’t that amazing? I really hold no ill will, despite what my later cold front would have people believing. It isn’t in my heart to feel discontentment or anger towards people who were just trying to improve their own wellbeing. No, I never will hold any grudge on anyone for simply leaving. Of course I am allowed to be upset or stressed by that but I do my best to steer away from anger and go right to the acceptance.

So I accepted people leaving and decided that I might as well leave and conclude this venture too. Not enough activity, too much stress, any of those reasons will do for why I deleted the server I had spent months lovingly working on. I wish to stress that this was not done out of spite or anger or anything of the sort. I was frustrated, yes, but mostly just tired and tired of putting on a brave and professional face while confronted with all these negative circumstances. I can proudly look back on the server though. I ran a damn good show and I am proud of my own writing and my engagement with others. Give a warm applause to me for that, yeah? But most importantly, give yourself a warm applause, okay?

Yes you, you who reads this who was apart of our special place: Trials of Wrath. Give yourself such a warm hug and the most celebratory of applauses. You did fantastic. You were engaging, helpful, welcoming, kind, and so very creative and lovely and I’m so grateful to have known you. You did spectacularly. Don’t sell yourself short. I did my part but it is only because of the participation of the players that Trials of Wrath bloomed as it did. So, sincerely, thank you. I love you to pieces and I’m so proud of you. You worked hard- don’t dare to tell me otherwise. You worked hard on your characters and on interacting with others and on writing and on drawing and on being the best person you could be in the out of character section. You did amazing. Thank you so much for being apart of Trials of Wrath, to all of you.

Now, if you will allow, I want to get into plans that will remain unfinished in regards to Trials of Wrath! Characters that I wasn’t able to conclude on their stories or features that I had yet to implement before the fall. The first character- our beloved Mr. H, the one who got your character into this mess! He’s your classic Habit, of course, inspired by the beloved series EverymanHybrid! Mr. H was inspired by an assortment of figures- most notably Handsome Jack from the Borderlands series though! Snarky, charismatic, with a penchant of making risky deals and putting on bloody, surreal shows! His story was going to conclude in two ways: the “good” ending and the “bad” ending!

From the beginning, I always intended for the story to have multiple endings that would be determined by player actions and choices! Getting clues through exploration of the facility, piecing things together in character, and the relationships they had between the characters and players alike! In the good ending, Mr. H, after a long rein of terror and television would be murdered, assumedly by Employee ??? using the godslayer weapon that I believe was an idea featured in EverymanHybrid! The godslayer would be attained by farming the soul of another god and manifesting it into a weapon. The god in question? None other than the man who sunk into the memory and the one who was featured in the only video I had created for Trials of Wrath! He was a mystery figure introduced briefly that Mr. H, mysteriously, was not able to see and that was because the figure was meant to be of a similar power status and able to ward off the influence of Mr. H because he was the same species.

They would’ve had a long history, I think; Mr. H and mystery figure (or, James, as he would’ve been called) and I figured that James would’ve been stalking and hunting Mr. H since the start of Mr. H’s horrible games. James would be the direct antithesis; while Mr. H would be confident, he would be slovenly and disillusioned and their difference would create a poisonous weapon that would be potent enough to behead the beast that was Mr. H or, surprise surprise, Mr. Habit (original, I know). But James and Mr. H are not our only characters present! There’s plenty more whose stories are featured!

Let’s start with one of the fan favourites; the Transportation Team or the Trio, for short! This team of robotic, perhaps, mercenaries who I originally imagined as creepy bastards who literally shove your character in a van to take them to the facility! But then I imagined, how would they appear stronger? What’s their stories? So what’s stronger than a man? Something inhuman, of course! What intimidates the average human? Guns, glorious guns! So I decided to base them off of cybernetic military, taking particular inspiration from games like Call of Duty! But the team was more than that, lots more than that. They were human once. One and Three, unaptly named, were once lovers and were featured in the 1960s or 1970s rendition of Trials of Wrath and took a shine to Two, who was a bit of an outcast at the time. One and Three were both strong but stronger together. Their weakness? Each other.

Contrary to fan theories, it was not One who won their rendition of the trials. It was Three who won and the trauma that winning left behind was too much for the man to muster. He had all the money in the world but all of his friends- his lovers- were dead. So, he begged for their lives. Mr. H granted Three the lives of his two companions. In exchange? The prize and their humanity. Three easily complied. They were reformed anew, as robots with fading memories that glitched out of their new fleshy, metallic skulls. One remembered, certainly. Maybe even more than his compatriots. He remembered being alive. Being in love. Being in death. And he was angry. During a lesson, it was revealed that One still held sentience and that this sentience was driven by newfound spite. He electrocuted his once lover, laughing again and again, just because he could. Killing Two, knowing Two would be rebuilt again, just because he could. Being less than a man, just because he could.

In the good ending, these characters would receive closure for their hurt. One, Two, and Three would start on a path of forgiveness. Being free meant they were no longer bound to feel particular emotions and instead could feel a wide array. They could feel sadness. They could feel love. They could feel forgiven. I imagined their story concluding with them ripping the red goggles off and seeing each other for the first time in forever and crying, out of relief. They’d probably get a cabin somewhere out in the Boonies and kiss til their still robotic brains got fried. They wouldn’t be human, never again would they be, but they could feel human, at least.

Cute, right? Well, not all the characters were quite meant for happiness forever. Trigger/Content warning for s//cide for this next story. Employee ??? is a headstrong character who was initially introduced because I like having a character who has history that’s older than the current generations! He’s an old man, yes, but not to be taken lightly. Toned as hell with military background and supernatural experience, he spent his entire life after winning his trials forming himself into a killing machine that would end Mr. H. Once and for all. If he didn’t succeed, he would at least die trying. For glory, for all who died, for all the guilt he had for being the last one alive. Employee ???, in the good ending, would wield the godslayer and kill Mr. H or hold Mr. H in a grip tight enough for another player to deliver the killing blow, nearly dying in the fight in the process. Once the fight is over, however, what’s left for him? There are no spoils of victory. No celebrations for him. He has no one to go home to and his one life goal has just been killed. He would be purposeless and directionless. Inspired much like the conclusion of Alfred’s questline from Bloodborne, he would go back to the place it all started and end up dying. No one would find him. No one would look for him. He was an enigma and a selfless, stubborn old bastard. Characters would assume he died of old age or died fist fighting someone in a bar. No one would know. He would like it that way, I imagine.

That one is heavy but I like mixing heavy stories with the lighter ones. Speaking of lighter ones, let’s move onto two of the new characters who didn’t get much limelight, shall we? The Doctor and the Scrap! The Doctor was the human caretaker on the facility and the stingy medic. They took strict care of any humans featured but took gentler care of its companion, the big bitch of Scrap Metal. I’ve coined the name Scum, for it! Scum used to be human and its story will remain vastly unexplored but Scum did not mind its existence of man mixed with metal. Neither did Doctor. Doctor and Scum were basically best friends and Scum protected Doctor like a bloodthirsty hound when necessary and its up to you all if something fruitier was amidst with them. They worked as an unconventional pair and I imagine would be loyal enough to Mr. H to simply die at the player’s hands or at James’ or Anita’s hands. All they could ever remember was Mr. H and each other. No one else was important enough so they’ll die with Mr. H and the facility too, the only home they’ve ever known, really.

Speaking of Anita, she was apart of a retro trials! By retro, I mean practically archaic. She was from a 1800s or, 1600s (I can’t quite recall which), rendition of the trials where the trials were a witchcraft scourge upon a small village and life was simple and horrible for her. Her saving grace from poverty was winning her trials and she was indebted to Mr. H and decided to stay with him, transformed into a motley beast with a helmet she could not see out of. Not in the conventional sense, at least. She was from a small fishing town and no one noticed her disappearance but she noticed the disappearance of herself from the fishing town. As the years stretched by, an utter agony of silence, she began to yearn for freedom once more. For family. For friends. For a child to call her own. She became nearly motherly to everything. The vines growing on her chair, the bugs crawling along the floor, and the rats scurrying away from her terrifying figure. She wanted to protect them. In any way she could. Her powers were mind manipulation and forms of telepathy, in my head! Strong enough for her own mind to simply cause another head to burst from the mental force she had. Her screams like a banshee and her tears so striking that your own heart would grow heavier just from seeing them trail down her neck. Her story would conclude with her freedom and her being human again and learning about this wonderful, scary modern world and finding home with someone. Maybe fostering children or running an orphanage. Maybe becoming a medic. To ease those dying souls into a death she would never have. For some effects of Mr. H could not be overcome with his death and his immortality was a curse that would seep into a select few.

I believe those are all the formally introduced characters but there was a pair I did not get to introduce! The janitor(s), the conjoined twins! One hot-tempered while the other was exceedingly cold, all while sharing one body. Their job was to clean up and they would accidentally be introduced if the players did enough exploration! In one of the lessons, one of their conversations is briefly gleamed at, actually! They argue with each other before coming to a peaceful, hopeless conclusion. If the good ending is achieved, I imagine they would go into hiding in the real world, maybe one day finding someone who could look past both their attitudes and what they interpret as their own horror.

Now.. for the bad ending! This ending is simple enough; everyone dies! The players, the characters disloyal to Mr. H! Ripped apart sadistically by the monster who fed on the discord and negativity that the players so easily gave to him. Mr. H would accumulate enough power to snuff any rebellion or perhaps there would be no rebellion in the first place and the trials would take their natural course and leave a miserable victor to indulge in the grand prize! Employee ??? would be murdered in front of everyone trying to futilely kill Mr. H with a faux godslayer and would be humiliated and demolished as a lesson to all. Sadness ensues. I’m a bit at the end of my creative rope but you get the gist of it, don’t you? That’s the bad ending! If you have any questions or headcanons, please send them to this account and I’ll be sure to respond! The asks are always open and I’m happy to illuminate on the characters and stories more, even if they are concluded!

So, what now? What’s the future look like for Brador? Well.. for now, it looks like nothing! I got a part-time job, got video games to play, and got a whole lotta nothing to do! I’m taking it easy but.. I’m always considering other ideas, if I’m honest. A medieval server crossed my mind, with ye olden speech and a hub for OC creation that’s based around medieval or more archaic themes. I also considered another roleplay server, this one centred around Dead By Daylight’s interpretation of the Ghostface! A synopsis: “an old forum wasn’t uncommon to stubble upon in the age of the new internet. Forums and blogs were commonplace nowadays, even with niche topics like murderers and stalkings. Hell, this messed up new place known as the internet even had chatrooms discussing this kind of grimy shit. But [you] never expected something like this. [You] Invited to a chatroom with a bunch of strangers. The only similarity between all of you? You’re all being stalked by the same freak in that shitty halloween mask.”

Sounds fun, right? Well, maybe one day I’ll get around to it! But for now, nothing is happening for me except finally delivering this formal conclusion to Trials of Wrath! Thank you all for being apart of this with me and I’m so glad to have hosted for all you amazing people! To any spectators who’re curiously looking at this post.. hello! I hope you have an amazing day! I will be posting an artwork compilation of my own work I did later on! Again, if you have any questions, comments, or want to learn more, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Peace and love! Goodbye Trials of Wrath!

#7 trials of habit #emh #everymanhybrid #seven trials of habit #trials #trials of habit #trials of wrath

[richardsondavis]

I want to go back to Reddit. I want to see what they are saying, if what they're saying is true.

Why change your opinion? No, you won't change your opinion. Best case is you'll feel like shit.

Hmmm, I guess so. It's the curiosity.

Yes, I understand yet we both know that they will not be giving you any favors. Glad that one person there said that Viz isn't localization cause it is just the in-house version of Shueisha. I believe we call that confirmation bias.

Hence why I want to go back!!!

You deleted your account. Most likely that post got deleted as well.

I see. I'd like to believe that.

Please do, Richardson. Your peace of mind is important. You are insignificant in this world.

...

Hmmm?

Just checked my post, it's still up. Most of my replies get downvoted. One of the things I got was that you have to just leave the official translation world. But these fuck still call officials localization and the unofficials translation. What did I expect?

Told you. Great question I have though is what is the matter? Now that these ideas are gonna live rent free in your head. No, how presumptuous of me. Please explain to me how the entire post makes you feel.

Thank you. So I made my reddit post with no ill-intent, just good natured questions.

So I got my replies and they all start how I imagined it. Localization is a disease, learn Japanese. That it exists and the only way to avoid it is to get off the grid. To not give these companies money, if it is my will. That one feels like a "If you don't follow us, we'll berate you" kind of thing.

That just really fucks with me. Perhaps it is all in my noggin.

So I'd like to break down the various comments I got.

First comment talks about how localization is now embedded in Western society, and that the best way to combat this is to raise awareness using social media and that money talks no matter what. In hindsight, I should've done something of the sort when I was reading Machimaho. Missed opportunity. I made a reply to that raise awareness using social media comment. I pointed out that Kimetsu no Yaiba made a lot of sales for it's final volume. Which I believe insinuates that what Viz is doing and by contrast, the "localizers" is okay. I don't agree with that sentiment, not one bit. Later on there's something that I like that I'd like to address.

Next comment is a guy that says that all official translations are localizations, without a doubt. That the best way to live is not give them money and get off the grid and purchase the Japanese ones and learn Japanese, cut out the middle man and told me to laugh at the faces of the "scanlators". I somewhat agree with this one save for the laugh at scanlators part cause that's just rude and I don't really want to be rude. In hindsight, Chainsaw Man, Dandadan and Call of the Night are all series I can get digitally and pirate it. It does hurt my eyes at times cause you know, screens and all that but I really feel quite regretful for purchasing the series. The folks at r/MangaCollectors do feel the same, I will reckon. Even Tumblr has beef with official translations every now and then.

I didn't really agree fully with the guy but he had an interesting take that I will want to take it into consideration. It's a bit strong yet tame.

Some guy replied that machine translations are what he prefers unironically and that he claims that the official translators are using machine translation as well to make their work. Might as well cut the middle man. Said like an asshole, I'll admit. I don't like this comment. It's the "I will leave official translations and I'll probably judge you if you avail them in my presence" crowd. They also call all official translations unironically "localization". Truly appalling, in my honest opinion.

My reply is if there is a way we can find a compromise. I didn't really want to leave official translations fully cause I know full well I will gravitate towards that thing back and then again. Of course, in r/KotakuinAction fashion, I got downvoted and the reply to that is that if I really wanted to make a difference then I should stop giving them money. I'm not gonna give Seven Seas a single centavo, that's for sure. The only ones I'll truly avail is Viz and Kodansha and Yen Press. That is still giving money to the evil English localizers but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. Pretty sure the latest Viz series hasn't seen any of these mistranslations or open interpretations. Well, the latest that I know of being Dandadan so I have yet to see it.

IT'S SETTLED!!! I'M GONNA KEEP COLLECTING MANGA!!! FUCK WHAT THEY SAY!!! I LOVE READING AND I WILL JUST DO WHAT WORKS FOR ME!!!

Next comment makes a distinction between the good faith localization, where translating idioms to the nearest possible language (in this case English) and still makes sense and be accurate and bad localization where there's an idiom that has no equal translation to English then they initiate this bad faith injection of their own personal views. Seven Seas has lost me, to be honest. I wholeheartedly refuse to even get their series, pirate it even. Waste of space and time.

Next comment says that they wouldn't blame me for doing so. Made a claim that fan translations are superior and will always be. Got 8 upvotes. Of course they would prefer the fan translations, as predicted by that particular dude's blog I read a while back. Basically, the modern otaku should remember their roots. Roots being fan translations and scanlations and all that. Very inflammatory, I will say.

Made a reply to the reddit comment. Asked if it would be disingenuous. And I got 0 upvotes. Not negative though so that's a plus.

Next one asks if the one talking to him is the author or someone else? He would like the someone else to be as far away as possible.

I then asked him if he would consider that translated works as someone just telling you about the thing in general as disingenuous.

He said two things, first an analogy about pizza in a Chinese buffet. The "localizers" are looking to make a Chinese buffet with only pizza. I am most certain, that to this person, the Chinese buffet will always be the scanlation and fan translations. He will never call these localizations cause they're not shit, according to him. Very reductive.

But a good analogy. I find Seven Seas to be the pizza here. The Chinese buffet being the three I avail, Kodansha, Yen Press and Viz. Of course, if I say this then I'll be labeled and downvoted. Thankfully, I wouldn't have to handle that baggage.

Then the second thing is that he finds that translation is just how someone else would tell the thing to you as extremely disingenuous and to be honest I kinda agree with him. I would presume that this person would avail scanlations yet they are also a way for how the ideas are conveyed, that another person is going to be translating it and will be presented to the world. I just find that that is someone else telling me what the work in general. What I take from this comment is that we would both agree on the idea that learning Japanese is the best way to go here.

Alright, next comment is a dude saying that current translations are the only ones he refers to as "localization." He talks about games translation next and frankly I couldn't care less. I don't like JRPGs.

Next is the best two replies I agree with and is really very open. I'll just post them both here to preserve the context.

The first one is basically similar to my case-by-case basis approach. I have the time to read and will decide for myself.

The second dude says it all. Hoo-fucking-rah!

Then the last comment is talking about how localization is necessary to some degree. The kind of thing that gets you upvotes on r/animecirclejerk or something. Some dude replies that Japanese can't be translated one-on-one but that got replied with it can be. The last comment thread is a doozy.

So there's my thoughts on these ones.

Very fine.

Of course these are all sorted by best so the first ones are the most upvoted. Place is an echo chamber but has great takes. I wouldn't consider this a loss but thankfully I've gotten myself out before I fucking oof myself. Heh.

Interesting take my friend. Glad you got it all out.

Thanks.

Now, rest and be an individual. Make your own decisions. Besides, you aren't harming anyone.

I would like to get Lore Olympus.

Goddamnit!

[charubblogs]

oc lore dump:Kratanor stunok

(artist deleted account)

ControlledFealtist: oh! hello!

CF: its wonderful to meet you, and under such good circumstances as well, I believe I have some questions to answer...

CF: Would it hurt to start with some softballs so I can understand the format a bit better?

Narrator: of course, perhaps a favorite snack then?

CF: its a bit embarrassing to say, but it shares the same spot as my favorite meal. Jpegified Green Apple Taffy, the crunch is wonderful and sometimes!!! it gets stuck in my back fangs and I can lick it up later as a treat.

CF: I understand that a healthy charub should diversify their sugers but its a bit hard... me and my brother suffer a bit of a allergy, and mother has a hard time finding food that we can stomach, we choose not to bother her as much as we can.

N: you mentioned a mother? some of our viewers may not understand what kind of relationship that entails.

CF: ah, i see. its a bit...like a platonic guardianship, the mother is supposed to feed protect and teach the younger creature from birth to maturity. though in most cases they are related by blood, in my case I was "adopted" which is more in line with the common lusus.

N: and do you belive that your "mother" fullfilled those requirments? or do you find them lacking on one of the three aspects you have listed?

cf: oh dear...I am... unsure if it is fair to judge her by the standards I have for her. as she is not part of the same species. that and my standareds may be a bit extreme, as my race are typically not raised.

N: that feels like a non answer, do you not want to answer?

cf: no no! she fed us and protected us, she ensured that dispite landing on a barren moon that we did not starve. she has her flaws but flaws are inharent. oh dear... yes i do belive that we should move on.

N: then here is an easy question, would you like a cough drop?

cf: oh! yes please! ack, bitter...*cough cough* ah, thank you. shareing a throat with my brother makes it hard to speak sometimes.

N: where would your brother be?

cf: oh! nowhere. cherubs share a body, when i fall asleep my brother will wake up and vice versa. though sometimes i find it a bit annoying... unless mother is being vigilant, ill sometimes wake up out of my bed in the middle of nowhere.

N: that seems inconvenient!

cf: very! but luckily, we are not as dichotomic as others of our race. we have come to a decent enough treatise that allows us to respect certain boundaries. though sometimes those treatises are broken.

N: would you be inclined to go into a bit more detail about that?

cf: yes i would! me and my brother to pass the time, like to explore our world. despite its barren nature, you can find a fair amount of odd artifacts and remains. our agreement was to have a nuetral storehouse with my artifacts and his remains.

cf: but given his tantrums he sometimes destroys said storehouses and claims that he did not. manageable, but childish.

cf: but lets not dwell on that.

N: oh of course! how about some hobbies?

cf: gardening! well... i hope to start gardening, the moon has poor soil quality. I also enjoy making models, though the low image quality makes the kits a bit hard to join together

cf: though with gardening i cant exactly grow anything that I can eat unless i process it extensivly... but the motions of going through it and the potential of seeing something grow make it more then worth it.

N: that actully brings me to my next question, How did you arrive on earth?

CF: an exacallent question! after a while, we managed to find the ruins of a rather large and seemingly technologically advanced city!

CF: which of course by itself? INSANELY intresting. well we found a ship in the wreckage! from what I can understand from the records scattered about, it was ment to send political prisoners, dissidents and sociatal nusiances off planet in "exile."

CF: me and my brother came to a mutual agreement that any rock was better then this one so we gathered up some supplies, fixed up the ship and blasted off!

N: That seems a little extreme, did you really have no other plans?

CF: well we did have a more dangerous option, but we flipped a coin about it.

N: what was that...?

CF: none of your concern~! but hey, were off the moon, we are stuck in wonderful verdent wildnerness, life is going absoloutly swimmingly~!

CF: ack! the cough drop wore off

#charubs #homestuck #oc #infodump

[stellarcat52]

A Shift Occurs

Hybrid hunter empires season 2 au. (part one, probably)

Hybrid hunters arrive in the empires. Some take advantage of the kindness of Sanctuary, and some hike into Chromia. While Sausage may fear for his people, and perhaps his own life, Scott doesn’t think fear is needed until it’s too late.

(In-game chat is communicators here.)

Sausage glanced nervously out his window, the tavern was filling up quickly and he had only just enough time to get his hybrid residents hidden away in the locked up blacksmith. Until he could get them out and to a safer place, it would need to do.

His communicator in his hand had a typed out message, “Hybrid hunters in sanctuary, backup needed” but it was, for now, unsent. How could he lead Sanctuary when he didn’t have the guts to face these monsters, and how could he admit such a flaw to his fellow rulers and guardians.

He deleted the message. Instead, he sent, “Hybrid hunters in Sanctuary, be careful.” And a private one went out to Joel, “Keep Hermes this week”.

His messages were received with varying levels of anger, some of his friends understood that Sanctuary would allow everyone to be safe, no matter how horrible the people, but not everyone did. Admittedly, the more aggressive messages that came from Joey, Shubble, and Joel made Sausage smile more than the understanding ones from Katherine.

Scott never replied, but nobody would notice for a while. He wasn’t always great at responding, and Sanctuary was quite far away, and Scott wasn’t a hybrid, so why would he need to worry at all?

The truth is, hunters had entered Chromia as well even if Scott didn’t know at first. Scott would have been less willing to house them than someone like Joel, but they paid well and he was a busy man so he never asked what they were doing there. As long as they didn’t touch his llamas, he had more things to worry about than a group of foul-mouthed travelers, and that’s all he thought they were.

The day the hunters arrived in Chromia, Scott fell ill. He continued to work, weeding the flower gardens and tending to his animal friends, but throughout the day he kept growing dizzy while headaches came and went. It wouldn’t be until the second day they were there, the day Sausage’s message would have reached him, that Scott would actually realized who they were.

Their leader, a charismatic man that could rival Joel in dramatics, approached Scott near the windmill in the early afternoon. He was speaking, but Scott couldn’t hear him. His head was spinning and, if only for a second, he could swear he saw his father with his magical eye. He tried to pay attention to what the leader was saying, something about trading his necklace for an extended stay in the tavern, but Scott could only hear ringing and he could only see the light from the gemstone on the necklace provided by his magical sight.

For a moment, Scott wondered if they had poisoned him. And then he fell, and his mind and body weren’t quite his. A kind of hungry greed he’d never experienced, or even heard about, took over him and he stood to attack the hunter leader and take the gemstone for his own. Only now, he didn’t feel right standing on two feet.

The first thing he heard, as the ringing cleared away only to be replaced by boiling rage, was the leader of the hunters loudly proclaiming. “A dragon?! Who could’ve guessed? Boys! We’ll feast forever if we catch this one!”

--

The SHERIFF messaged the ruler’s chat later that day, “Scott was supposed to set up a dye trade with me today, but he’s not responding to me. Can anyone get ahold of him?”

And Scott wouldn’t be able to check that message, or any of the ones he got while his friends rightfully feared for his safety.

#empires season 2 #empires smp #empires scott #dragon scott #shapeshifter scott #hybrid hunter au #Listen I have a bunch of ideas for this. #word count: 606 #it's short but i'm tired and want to write before inspiration leaves forever #empires smp fic #hybrid hunters au

[monsterkissed]

i love and appreciate horror fans we do great work but there is something about a certain kind of horror meta and discussion and analysis that is inexplicably popular to me that i can only describe as Joyless

you play or read or watch a great fun spookfest and you’re like ooo mysterious footsteps in the dark who could it be, oh a scary room with strange symbols on the walls how does this fit in i’m so intrigued, wow there’s a whole skeleton in this closet is this the body of another ill-fated adventurer, perhaps an omen of what our protagonist will become??? gosh i am so sucked in to this atmosphere of dread and suspense and all the unanswered questions still to ponder, i should go see what other people think about this!

and you go look up some meta and there are thousands of posts of debate about exactly which character or monster Canonically made the ominous footsteps made by ppl who all hate each other over this and there are three different youtubers who have decoded every weird symbol and the generic spooky things they say and what they’re probably for based on the retcons we got in Spinoff Adventure 3 written a decade later by someone else and the skeleton has its own page on the wiki and is now confirmed to be Gerony the petrol station attendant from the prologue (link to the page for the prologue novella) who was having a whole other unrelated spooky narrative just offscreen and is in the closet because he represents the creator’s dubious attempts at a pride month update event (link to tweet thread, link to archive of deleted tweet thread)

ambiguity is nice! not knowing all the answers can be a very potent part of horror! i cannot relate to the urge to insist that No, every single event, character and mysterious eldritch unknowable being has strict and defined Rules and Attributes and everything has exactly One explanation and themes and tone and atmosphere and unease and discomfort and horror have no place here. there is only Lore.

#do people think there's gonna be an exam of some kind

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

#ask tag #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #snowgrave spoilers

[wizkiddx]

this deleted itself but the req was for an ill reader who likes to try and carry on even if they feeling shit and tom noticing I think?!?

Summary:  you take start to feel a bit shit  at toms family barbecue and get caught out and taken care of

///////////

It should've be lovely, an evening in the rare but much appreciated British summer sun in Dom and Nikki’s garden. Everyone was there; all the Holland boys; both sets of Tom’s grandparents; Haz and his long time girlfriend Lucie. It was a reunion of sorts, although no one had been away working, you’d somehow all timed your individual holidays simultaneously. You and Tom to Australia; Sam and Harry to south-east Asia; Paddy, Dom and Nikki to Sweden. Having all returned in the space of a week, everyone was catching up, involving great British barbecues (which are always a little disappointing) and a fair amount of booze.

You were sat on the garden furniture with Tessa (Tom’s grandma), Nikki and Lucie. Very much a ‘girl power’ meeting if ever there was - which in a family full of boys was often needed just to keep the peace. Everything about the evening was lovely… except perhaps your body. God knows why, because you rarely got ill - having not had a day off work in two years. As much as you’d been trying to push away the slow creeping feeling for a couple of hours - it was now getting impossible to ignore. The slightly unsettled feeling in your stomach had you fidgeting in the wooden chair constantly, trying to ease it by shifting positions... to no avail.

“Y/n… Y/n?” Looking up to see three pairs of beady eyes trained on you, you faked a smile, looking over to Nikki who had been calling your name. “Tess was asking how long the flight back was?” “Oh sorry, was miles away!” You tried to cover, shifting once again, this time pressing a hand to your lower abdomen in the hope that’d distract you as you turned slightly to make eye contact with Tessa. “And I think 11 hours ish.” The girls all pulled a grimacing face in sympathy, to which you chuckled at. “No no honestly cos Tom spoiled me completely so we were in the fancy seats, I honestly was spark out of it the whole time!”

It was enough of a response for the girls to all nod, carrying on the conversation as you, now not the main focus, rubbed your pulsing temple with your other hand - in the hope to relieve some of the building pressure. Clearly, though, you weren’t a subtle as you thought - since Lucie got your attention by bumping your shoulder and leaning in closely. “Come to the loo with me?” It sounded like a question, though it very much wasn’t - the stern look in her eye enough to scare you into agreeing. With a word to Nikki and Tess, you both stood up and made your way to the inside, not stopping until you were locked into the thankfully spacious downstairs loo - the brunette eyeing you intently. “You look like shit.” “Thanks Luc, that’s exactly what I needed to hear right now.” You sighed, sitting on top of the closed lidded loo heavily. “What’s up?” Her tone was harsh and to the point, but secretly there was a look of worry in her eyes. She was one of your best mates but sometimes could also scare you shitless. “I think I’m just tired, it’s my stomach and my head, I’ll be fine.”

Lucie didn't really seem to believe you, but respected your stubbornness and after providing you with two paracetamol capsules from her bag, she let you off - both going back into the garden, where, by now Sam was plating up the slightly charred burgers.

Naturally, you’d sat next to Tom, who had pulled your chairs right next to each other - so that his leg was pressed up against yours, his arm pulled around your shoulder. That was just Tom, away from the prying eyes of the public and media, he really was an affectionate person. He just liked to feel you there. God knows how long you all sat in those same positions, but it was long enough for the sun to set. In fact, you most definitely weren’t the person to ask, because at some point, unbeknownst to you, you’d zoned out. Nobody had noticed, under the cover of the low sunset light, until Tom felt your head briefly fall against his shoulder before it shot up once again - your eyes blinking heavily.

He frowned at the sight, seeing you huddle your arms across your body, which was bizarre due to the unbelievable hot weather in London. Yes, it might have shifted into nighttime, but it was still at least 24 degrees. So as his Dad had the entire table captivated recounting some long and complex tale of his touring days, Tom took the opportunity to squeeze your shoulder - grabbing your attention.

“You alright love?” In response you just hummed, eyes shifting up to him after a little delay - similar to how your reflexes became stunted with alcohol, though Tom suddenly realised you’d barely had more than half the glass of beer he’d poured you when you’d both arrived. “ I’said are you okay?” “Yeh… yeh I’m fine.” You forced a small tight lipped smile, whilst Tom took his arm that was round his shoulder to rest on the crown of your head before slowly stroking down your hair. “Sure? You seem a little out of it?” He pushed, still in a whisper so as not to draw attention to the two of you. “Maybe just tired.” Flat out lying, you shifted back into the backrest of the chair a little more making his hand accidentally land on your forehead rather than your hairline. He didn't move it though, instead sitting and swivelling in his chair, pressing the other side of his hand to the skin as well. “You’re burning up Y/n/n” he spoke a little louder - eyes full of concern as he looked you up and down. “No I’m a bit cold if anythin-“

That was when Nikki, from across the other side of the table got involved. She’d obviously been silently observing the two of you, now feeling the need to send you both home. “Oh, we forgot dessert! Tom, Y/n would you mind helping me bring it out?” Thank god for Nikki, for finding a cover story and stopping everyone's eyes on you. Because for someone dating, three years deep, an A-lister - you hated any sort of attention, even from those closest to you. Especially sympathy, you had absolutely no time at all for that.

Leading you into the kitchen with his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, Tom waited till the door was shut before turning to you.- claiming you were boiling and looked not so great. “I’m just a bit cold if I can borrow one of sam’s jumpers then-“ “Love, please go home.” Nikki interrupted as she wormed past Tom to put her own hand on your forehead too. “You’ve got the chills and you’ve not been normal all day. Am I right or am I right?” She was the worst to argue against. That was completely due to the fact she was always right. With a defeated nod from you, she clicked her tongue, pushing you to sit down on one of the barstools. “Tom go get a jumper from Sam’s room and order a taxi, I would drive but we’ve all been drinking.” “I can just go back by myself T, you don’t get to see your grandparents a lot and -“ “I love you but please please shut up.” Having rounded the back of your chair he pressed his lips to your temples as confirmation before scurrying off to the back of the house.

“You know he doesn’t mind at all? My son never was at my beckon call like he is with you.” There was a little smile teasing the corner of her lips as Nikki placed a glass of water in front of you, as though instructing you to take small sips. “I just feel bad, he’s always telling me how he regrets not spending more time with all of you and… well I’ve had him to myself for the fortnight in South Africa.” “Your just as much a part of the family as me or his grandparents are okay? Now when you get home..”

Nikki switched the tone to then list off all manners of ways that you needed to look after yourself once back, which she then repeated as soon as Tom returned with a black hoodie that you gratefully pulled over your head.

//////////////

By the time you got home, you were feeling so incredibly shit you weren’t even considering keeping up your brave face. Tom had wordlessly led you up the path to your shared home, unlocking the door and telling you to go straight to bed.

Perhaps he was so concerned because in the whole three years together he’d never ever seen you ill. Yes, the odd headache or whatever, as well as the occasional morning after the night before when you’d opted for a ‘tactical chunder’ to try and protect your modesty. But other than that, you were always the one being sympathetic to him. When he was tired, both emotionally and mentally from work; when he hurt his knee and was on forced bed rest for a couple of days ( which turns out to be the hardest time for you too, dealing with the whiny and fidgety boy man).

He came up a couple of minutes later, by which point you’d already pulled joggers on and wrapped yourself as tightly in the duvet as physically possible. If felt so bloody cold your teeth were actually chattering as you curled up into the smallest ball possible. In his hands was a small tray, carrying a steaming mug; a collection of all the different pill packets you kept in the medicine cabinet (as Tom himself had no idea which one was right so decided to use them all); a hot water bottle and what looked like a damp towel, all scrunched up.

No matter how shitty you felt you had a smile at how sweet and doting Tom was being... and as much as you hated the sympathy - if it was always given by a ripped and beautiful brunette with the sharpest jawline you’d ever seen… well just maybe you could get used to it. After snatching the hotwater bottle up immediately, then letting Tom fuss over you in every which way he wanted you gave in, losing the ability to entertain his puppy energy.

“Can we just go to sleep please?” You whined, which Tom nodded to - quickly getting changed and ready before joining you in bed.

As soon as he felt the way the bed was practically vibrating with the chills you were suffering from, he pulled you up into his chest. Now you had both your own personal heater and a hot water bottle to try and warm you up. “You wake me up if you need anything kay?”

Pressing a kiss into the crown of your head, which was nestled between his shoulder and neck. “Promise me ‘kay?” Him needing the reinforcement caused you to arch back up, looking deep into his brown eyes with the warm glow of his bedside table lamp. “You’re too good to me Tommy.” He tutted at that, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek.

“Oh no” He whispered exclaimed, making you immediately ask him what in response. “I think this fever is making you go all delusional love.” You quirked your head, causing him to continue with a cheeky grin. “Well for one, nothing would be too good for you darling and two…. When the hell have you ever called me ‘Tommy’” With him chuckling at his own joke, you rolled your eyes at his cheekiness, firmly planting your head back on his shoulder as if to shut him up. “Alright, I’ll let you off just this once cos your all feverish… get some sleep love.” “Thankyou Tommy.” “Shh love.”

And that’s how you fell asleep, finally finding a bit of warmth in Tom’s arms.

Safe to say he very much didn’t sleep so well. Yes, you felt cold - but Tom was bloody boiling. Still he didn't move because if you were comfortable, his discomfort didn’t matter. It was also a physical impossibility for him to relax until he felt (yes, technically not the most scientific way) your fever coming down. Every five minutes or so he’d gently press the back of his hand to your forehead. This boy was so whipped for you... but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

~~~feedback is really really appreciated~~~~

taglist for tom: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08 @prancerrparkerr @wildxwidow @Elishi03 @arctic-monkcys @Ownbauer13 @tomhollandlol @marvelsbitch8

#tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom x reader #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagines #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #tom holland angst

[destielficarchive]

@kiwilapple said: Yo wtf if the author is deleting their shit that usually means they want it gone, not secretly passed around like a high school joint.

Normally I'd probably completely ignore this comment, but 1. this is the second time this week someone has said something like this to me, and 2. I am running on fumes due to a full week of insomnia and high pain, so fuck it, I'm answering.

You're wrong.

I'm sorry, but you're very wrong. There are as many reasons to delete as there are people, but there's an apparent belief among the people who delete for one specific reason - namely, because they want it gone forever - that everyone is like that.

They're not, and that people like you assume it causes more problems than it solves.

Actual reasons I know of that people have deleted:

1. they've left the fandom and they just don't want to be involved anymore, but don't care what people do with their work.

2. they've left all fandom, and don't want to risk an employer or family member or whoever finding their work, but they're proud of what they're created and they're more than happy to have some version of it shared after they leave, as long as it can't be tied to their identity.

3. the website they posted the work on changed their policies (looking at you, fucking LJ) and they just can't be fussed to re-post it to a different place.

4. having it up makes them sad, reminds them of a time when they were more able to write, brings back memories of friends who've left fandom, etc, but again, they don't mind if people read it, they just can't bear to see it any more.

5. they don't realize orphaning is an option (or they didn't post on AO3 in the first place) and think it's the only way to get the content not associated with them.

6. they're suffering depression or other mental issues, and they think everything they've ever done is absolute shit and should disappear from the world (a proxy for self-immolation, perhaps?) and then two weeks or two months or two years later when they feel better they regret it.

7. THEY didn't delete it - they're accounts were broken into or otherwise accessed by people who want to harm them, and THOSE people deleted.

8. they got a book deal to convert the work into original fiction, and distribution of the fanfic would be a violation of their contract terms, so they need it deleted and copies buried.

9. And, yes, some people delete because they want the work gone and they don't want anyone to have it for any of who-knows-what-other-reasons.

All of these, and any other reason people have, are valid! But if they don't tell us their preferences then we don't fucking know them, because no one can read your fucking mind and this bare assumption that "the only reason to delete is because they never want it seen again" is, using the nicest vocabulary I can manage right now, simplistic and reductionist.

Unlike you, I don't make that assumption - instead, I actually fucking investigate to try to find out because - again - not everyone is the same as you and not everyone does things for the same reason you would.

I make posts like the deathbanjo post, and others, because, unlike what your ill-thought-out two-second comment suggests about your actual interest and level of engagement in this topic (and hey, I don't know you any more than you know, if you're actually deep in this shit good for you and I'm glad to hear it but I'll own atm I'm extremely skeptical), I actually do give a shit what an author prefers and - when I'm able to get a hold of them at all - about as many say "do whatever you want" as say "please don't." And, if clearing houses of information like this side blog of mine (hi, my main is @unforth) don't exist, then no one fucking knows that the author even has a fucking preference, especially if they've eschewed social media and haven't made an announcement. Like, seriously, how do you see my post begging for information about their preferences and go from there to "secretively passing it around" when that's literally the exact fucking opposite of what I'm doing.

You know what happens if something like this post doesn't go around, and no word is heard from the author?

Everyone who has it shares the work, covertly, through whatever means they can. You know, like you're accusing me of doing by commenting on my (checks notes) extremely public post saying "I won't distribute if they say don't distribute" that has 700 notes.

Downloading works is an inherent function of AO3, and the instant an author chooses to post there, they lose the ability to control what happens to copies of their works. Honestly, asking preferences as I do is a fucking courtesy, and one that I personally think is really fucking important, which is why I do it, and why I insist that people who interact with me and who ask for resources from my archive respect those preferences. But if an author really never wants a PDF made they should never upload to AO3 in the first place, because the ability to convert any fanfic into an e-book is literally a single button click that cannot be disabled, and the vast majority of people in fandom don't make a fraction as much effort as I do to be respectful.

I know I'm being repetitive, and swearing too much, I'm sorry, I got less than 3 hours of sleep and I'm a fucking mess and, unlike you who get to make a pithy comment and then fuck right off and never think about it this again, I've been wrangling with the ethics of how to handle this for four fucking years and I'm also the one who fucking routinely has to tell people, "sorry, I won't make an exemption, even for you, because the author has said 'don't distribute.'"

The existence of my post, and my archive, is literally the opposite of what your fucking idiotic comment suggests. In a vacuum of information, common practice is that everyone shares whatever they have and they have virtually no recourse to find out the author's preference even if they care. I

I've created a single, well-known, ever-growing resource that conserves stories for a specific ship in a specific fandom, organizes them, stores them, maintains them, investigates deletions, publicizes issues, outreaches to authors, and then once I know I do my absolute fucking damnedest to both spread the news about their preferences and enforce their request. Also, if I find out (for example) that they've chosen to sell convert the work to original fiction, I help boost and spread the word that their original work exists, and if someone asks me for the fanfic, I say, "no I won't give it to you but here's the link to where you can buy the edited, original fic version1"

So, which of us do you think is doing more to help authors maintain autonomy of their works? To gain monetary remuneration for their efforts? To protect fic, promote writers, and support readers as well? Tell me, what the fuck do you think is the better alternative to "Hey I found out this is deleted, I'm gonna spend a month trying to find out more information, and if I hear even a whisper of don't distribute, I won't, so don't even ask" cause hey, I'm all ears. I'd love to hear more of your bullshit-stupid-ass opinions.

#the destiel fic archive #i've spent sleepless nights over this #because i fucking care #and i fight back against people who I see asking #and i spread the word that works shouldn't be shared #what the fuck do you do #other than spout off #i can't believe i'm typing this #i should just block you and move on with my life #but good judgement went out the window at midnight when i was grappling with how to handle what I now KNOW about deathbanjo #because get this #the one who'll have to deal with the blow back and the responses and the anger #isn't you or anyone else #it's fucking me #and i care enough to do it #what do you care enough to do other than come at me #for absolutely no fucking reason #like seriously is your reading comprehension in the negatives

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me prompts #cute!

[aquanology]

SHE LI ANALYSIS CAUSE I CAN!!! (THANKS FOR 50+ FOLLOWERS AND NO THERE'S NOTHING MISSING IN HERE ITS 50+)

Yo so I've reached 50 followers a long while ago and I wanted to do something big but I hesitated and didn't know what to do...I thought a lot about it and it's here. The long awaited She li analysis, I was waiting for the new chapter so I can make this. Anyways I hope you enjoy it (or maybe not?)

So from far away people wo see She li as a Bully Mo and when they learn that his family posses good amounts of money, everyone would see him as a rich brat and I wouldn't blame them, Though that's not all there's to it. it's much deeper and yes I have 5000 IQ how did you know?

Now his childhood wasn't that great looking at how he was surrounded by maids and not his parents most of the time, mostly because they were busy working and when they weren't busy doing work they would be busy arguing about things that little She li didn't know much about.

It was pretty lonely even if people would surround him be it the maids, the other adults or even other kids he wasn't getting the attention of his parents. He might've thought that he wasn't important enough for his parents to spare a moment or two to spend time with him or atleast for his parents to look at his way. He hated their noisy fights and so, like any kid who didn't want to listen to his parent's loud arguments!that might've seemed like a broken record for him at the time, he would go outside to distracte himself. I don't know how many times he had to do this to ignore the pain that his parent's loud fighting has been causing to him, and I don't know how long he spent his time doing that (probably as long as the fighting continued) but I'm pretty sure that what we saw from She Li's flashback wasn't his first time doing so. And I'm sure he was trying to inflict physical pain so he can forgot the mental pain. At that point little She Li might've felt a bit...empty because no one really seemed to genuinely care for him or spend time with him and he didn't seem to have a special relationship with anyone either, he might've felt like he wasn't a human because of all of that.... he might've been sad and angry that he can't experience love and affection perhaps he thought that it's his fault for feeling down all the time, when in reality it was his parents fault for not using the spare time they have for providing She Li with affection and quality time instead of arguing most of the time. I'm sure he felt less of person because he didn't get what he really needed as a kid. But little did She Li know that he will feel less of human the next time his parents argue loudly.

That had started with the routine of his parents fighting and She Li looking for something to distract himself with, he ended up digging for worms and I suspect that he did that for a long while that day in which might've explain the bleeding. Later on he got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' (Ghee-Yan Bah-Yan) syndrome this syndrome is a autoimmune type, in which a persons own immune system damages the nerves causing muscle weakness or paralysis, it can cause symptoms that last from few weeks to several years however most people recover fully while some have permanent nerve damage.

His thoughts were seemingly messy I wouldn't blame him if he still thought that his parents didn't care about him, I mean it was kind of their fault for not asking about what he does when playing outside or with whom, or for the least bit leaving a maid or two to check on him from time to time. But it was that day when he met a certain person in that hospital.

It was Mo Guan Shan that he saw at the hospital. A kid who was capable of feeling pain both physical and mental, not only that but he has a caring mother who seemed to care about her kid. At that moment She Li must've felt envious, a kid whom he didn't know had everything that She li didn't, he had the ability to feel pain and suffer and on top of that he had someone who cared about him who loved him and gave him attention when he needed it the most.

Perhaps She Li thinks that if Mo Guan Shan would become a happier and a healthier person then he would be superior to She Li, because then he would have something that is far away from She Li's reach and capability.

That's why he keeps on hurting Mo over and over again whenever Mo is feeling better or even worse. Maybe She li feels superior or on the same level as Mo when he stops him from feeling truly happy and at peace with his loved ones. As if only then the gap will become bigger than it was before. Because She Li thinks that he won't be able to be the same as Mo is, I mean he might get his syndrome treated and he might be able to feel the pain (both physical and mental) but She Li isn't sure of he can actually be truly loved or if he will be capable of loving and making someone as happy. And that is why he says things like this:

Of course it's not only to make Mo feel bad (cuz like no would want to be told that they are the same as She Li is) but to also make himself feel like they are the same (be it on the same level or the same type of people) when they are not.

I do think that She Li admires Mo for how human he is and he doesn't want him to be anymore of a human he wants Mo to be the same as him, someone who can't have anyone care about him, someone who might numb out and stop being a human for their own desires and someone who can be as hurt and heartless as She Li is regarding that he is hurt inside. I also think that She Li and He tian are similar I mean both of them were not met with love and affection from their family except He Cheng tried to rub the illusion of their fathers love on He tian, though it didn't work quite well. A relationship where you have to sacrifice everything to receive approval isn't and wouldn't be ideal from He tain's perspective, as well as She Li never talk about how he felt (he most likely didn't) the pain that he got from his parents inability to raise him properly like other parents do (by loving him and spending some time with him). However I'm not blaming everything on his parents they had their reasons yet that doesn't mean that it's justified to argue outloud most of the time and pay less attention for your kid than you with your job and arguments. Also I want to make that this post isn't here to justify She Li's bad actions against other people but to just look at him as something other than a snake, to look at him as a human and to hold accountable are both as important as the other is, and I don't want She Li to just have his actions bite him back but to also learn how bad his actions are. I want him to know very well that he hurt others and I want him to feel guilty and I want him to change, remember staying ignorant can not only hurt him but everyone else but learning where he made mistakes and holding himself accountable can help everyone not only the people hurt by him, us too will highly benefit.

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Hey so this is me- the present me since I don't do this all in one day (cuz I'm a lazy person) so I hope ypu enjoyed this analysis and I hope I made it clear enough that this isn't for justifieing She Li's actions but an attempt to try and understand him. Also I'm sorry cuz I made a post a long while ago about She li and I though he had a different illness than the one in the manhua and I linked a website for that illness, however I deleted the post and I apologize for the big mistake...

This is the link for She Li's actual syndrome if you want to know more about it.

Anyways this was my "Why is She Li a bitch" post- wait, shit this the wrong script...welp can't change it now I guess. Again thank you for 50+ followers stay healthy and don't be a bitch like She Li.

#19 days #She Li analysis #Thank you for 50+ followers❤ #this was long I'm sorry #does anyone even bother reading tags or is it just me who does so #be careful of snakes #Mo Guan Shan #He Tian #She Li's parents cuz I mentioned them in the entirety of this post