I've been thinking about this since Lou said it was supposed to be Eddie and Tommy, because pretty much I'm trying to find a way to give Eddie a boyfriend that doesn't pour gasoline on buddie, and I can't. Buck would have a meltdown. I think realistically they had two ways to slam Buck into the realization he's into men, the one they went for, a guy kissing him, and the other is having a guy kiss Eddie. But Buck realizing he feels something for Eddie at the same time he finds out he's into men would lead to a meltdown. And we don't want a meltdown. I mean, we might still get a meltdown because I stand by the fact that when that man realizes what he feels for Eddie is gonna HIT HIM and he won't know what to do with himself, but like, if he gets there after he came to terms with the fact he's bi, it would be less of a meltdown and more of a oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck moment. That makes me curious about how they're gonna slam Eddie into the realization tho. Because while I do believe the show has enough in there to make it seem like Eddie knew in some level already, I doubt they will actually say Eddie already knew, so how are they dealing with it, because I don't think you can have Eddie watch Buck with another man and not have that make him feel things, so are we going that route? Because Eddie doesn't need a guy to grab him and kiss him to notice. So are we going there? Because there has to be a reason as to why everything with Buck and Tommy involves Eddie. Where are we going???????
Okay idk how you're Supposed to write slowburns but I am writing it like I'm a squirrel stockpiling scenes for the coming winter when I haven't even finished stocking for fucking autumn yet I'm gonna STARVE with NO ACORNS I am going to DIE
its okay hes safe and contained in my prison cell and i proof read all of his posts before i let him post them just in case he tries to secretly ask for help 😊
I don’t like to talk about age. To me, age is the sign of time passing by. And time is a big thing for me at the moment.
If anyone would have told me when I was 12 years old, that my life would be as it is now at my age, I wouldn’t have believed it. You see, the generation from the 80’s (yes, I belong to that group…) in majority, grew up thinking or with the mentality that by the time we were all 35 and up, we’ll be married, with children and a house of our own. Well, nothing far more from reality.
The truth is that I moved countries four times looking for stability. That’s not something you can find in the supermarket around the corner. “Oh, I ran out of stability, have to go buy a little bit more and don’t forget the rest from the list”. No, no, I realised is something you build, everyday with your commitment and your actions.
Yes, I know now that changes take time, but sometimes it just feels so frustrating. Somedays, I think I haven’t accomplished anything, that I’m a total loser. I feel that I’ve tried everything and nothing happened. I even wonder if I have tried my best yet… Other days, I cheer myself up thinking that not everybody moves countries and leaves everything behind. I’ve done it without hesitation, maybe in a reckless kind of way. (Now that I think and say it like this, can’t help but to laugh… Am I that crazy?)
Last week I went to Kontanz, in the south of Germany to spend the day and as I was looking around this cute little book shop, I found this postcard:
It felt like the world was talking to me.
I like this feeling when I’m about to lose hope, someone or something out of pure magic, just comes up and recharges my batteries. It’s like a hug from a friend just because… What am I doing? Am I doing it right or should I do something else?
But as I had this idea in my head all week, I thought maybe these are not the proper questions. I guess the real ones are: “what do I want and how do I get there?”
Yesterday I saw a reel on Instagram and the music for it was a verse that said: “I think happiness is about letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to be and just embracing where you are now and how special it is”.
No words needed.
And then it got me thinking. I have to let go of the idea I had when I was 12. I have to let go of all those things that, secretly, I think maybe are holding me back because I can’t see what’s right in front of me. Yes, I’m not married, I don’t have kids and certainly don’t own a house. But I’m on a different journey, I guess. I just hope it takes me on a fun ride and hope that it helps me to keep faith even when everything seems a little dark.
Note to self: I’ve learnt a lot, including a third language, met incredible people who show me everyday that all of it, all of this, is worth it… So, world, I listen to you: I’ll keep dreaming in the hopes I get there.
Here is one of those triangle houses that I love so much!
not to sound like a self-indulgent late night host who believes he’s the only smart person in every room, but we truly are living in an anti-intellectual age in which one’s own willful ignorance is flaunted without any shame, and actually being challenged in your views and thoughts and approach to art is the worst attack imaginable
Do you ever just stare in the mirror.. for a long time, not doing anything. But just looking at yourself. Trying to figure out how you got here. How so much time has gone by so fast. What the hell is gonna happen next. And then the lingering question always sitting in the back of your mind... Will I ever be enough for anyone?