#who else up suicidal

[minatist]

random thought: scrooge still tried searching for della a YEAR after she left……. i think im seeing god right now

#DUCKTALES #DELLADUCK #ILOVEYOUSOMUCH #who else up suicidal

[boylikeanangel]

kendall became his father and didn't even get his father's position at the end of it all, shiv who has spent her entire life struggling desperately to free herself of the chains placed on her because of her gender finally resigns herself to being the ceo's pregnant wife, connor who wanted nothing more his whole life than to have a place in his father's home spent millions just to gut that home within two weeks, and roman the dog who liked the cage more than any of the others might be the only one who escapes it alive

#who else up contemplating suicide 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #succession #succession spoilers

[utilitycaster]

(this is tagged for it as well, but putting it here: the below involves some non-graphic mention/discussion of suicide in relation to episode 3x78)

I think it's important to keep in mind, regarding the most recent episode, that while Ashton's behavior was extremely dangerous and reckless, it was not suicidal in intent. Ashton thought it would work. They thought that they would fix things, and they ignored all the smart people warning them against it because it would imply a lot of negative things about their parents. That doesn't mean it wasn't an action taken out of a certain lack of self-regard (Ashton's realization of this is what drives much of his conversations in the first half of the episode); but it's much more akin to an accidental overdose, or a drunk/reckless driving, or other dangerous choices. It feels very true to the idea of punk that Taliesin is going for, in which dying young is always very much a possibility, even perhaps an expectation; but not necessarily a goal. Ashton did not expect taking the shard to result in their death, and is incredibly shaken specifically because it did.

With that in mind I think the party's reactions seem very real and very understandable. The fact is, when someone does something very risky and nearly dies (or even is briefly clinically dead, using real-world terms) but ultimately survives it's extremely normal for one of the emotional responses to be anger that they put themselves in such danger. It is not, perhaps, rational, but most emotions aren't. It hurts a lot when someone one is close to does something that harmful to themselves. I don't judge the other members of Bells Hells for expressing those feelings. Frankly, them not expressing similar feelings in the past might very well be why Ashton made the decisions he did: the party lacking trust and walking on eggshells around each other is why he didn't confide in them, and why they fell apart so completely here.

I think it's relevant that Chetney tells Fearne, after stating he likes Ashton, that either she or Ashton can talk to him if they "want out", and he pretty heavily implies that this indicates not just leaving Bells Hells, but suicide, and that he has considered the latter in the past. It's clear that initially Chetney considers that a possible reason for Ashton's actions. He then gives Ashton the "You should leave" speech only after everyone present has been talking at dinner, after Ashton has indicated that he will help find Laudna. It only comes out after Ashton's emotional state is made more clear to him: it's pretty bad, but not actively at risk of self-harm (and indeed, desperately trying to avoid it and to change).

Finally, it's worth considering how important anger is to Ashton. Obviously I don't think having Imogen, FCG, and Chetney yell at them feels good. I also think it's going to feel better than apathy, and more honest than any other option. I don't think a forced gentleness would be better; in fact it might be worse, with them taking a break because clearly Ashton is having a hard time and needs to recover (shades of how Marisha mentioned Laudna feeling like a burden following her resurrection), rather than "we are clearly all in disarray and all have been not dealing with a lot of emotions, and this could have been any of us, and we should all regroup." I mentioned before that ultimately what's important is, angry as they are, Bells Hells undeniably stayed, and FCG and Imogen at least made it clear early on that they would, even if they were angry. Ashton was abandoned in the past by people who weren't even angry, is the thing. I don't think they cared enough to be.

#tw suicide #let me know if you need other tags. #critical role spoilers #critical role #ashton greymoore #truly the flat out stated similarities between ashton and fcg and some people's responses have been. unfortunately enlightening. #some who claimed FCG was going to sacrifice themselves/destroy others in the grand disc and were pretty vile about a hypothetical #are quick to paint ashton in a light so sympathetic it demands no one else feel any emotions #Ashton even states his shittiness about the changebringer was bc he thought this would lead FCG to do...exactly what he did with the titans #really it brings us back to a core question: is it action or is it intent. the answer is both but action matters more. #but also. much more bluntly. some of you have never either fucked up real bad or had a friend do so huh. #this felt extremely true to life; that's really it in the end.

[aphel1on]

not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

#he is easy to hurt. this is a fact. it is also anathema to his own self conception as well as the model of him in anyone elses minds. #xue yang #yi city #mdzs #aphelion.txt #xy #Contact is crisis; every touch is a modified blow #<- xycore anne carson quote. if you even care #meta #i guess? idk #it is always character analysis hour in my head #with a disclaimer that whether or not someone experiences empathy is NOT correlated to their morality #i dont think its necessarily that xy is incapable of empathy it's that any empathy that might exist in him is deeply deeply repressed #bc he views it as a death warrant. he (at every moment in his head and really quite often in reality) is on trial for his life #and it would be suicidal to give a shit about anyone who is not him. #especially since he knows- down to his bones- that no one is ever going to give a shit about him EXCEPT FOR him #the one chance he ever got to escape this cycle of brutality came with an expiration date built in by consequence of his past atrocities #and he only first started to comprehend anything about his own emotions after it was all already irrevocably fucked #in canon he is doomed. in fandom i am always picking him up and putting him somewhere kinder #shakes you by the shoulders do you understand what he does to me. do you. do you #if you tell me im excusing his crimes i will kill you w my lazer beam. #this isnt ABOUT THAT. this is ME BEING UNHINGED ABT HIS PSYCHOLOGY in a moral vaccuum. #i'm not saying 'hes sensitive uwu' but like i kind of am. unfortunately it mostly just motivates him to murder people #OH and when i connect the fragility to the tenderness i dont mean that i believe hes like. secretly soft #i mean that being as he is so deeply impacted by people's slights against him. he is just as deeply impacted by people's kindnesses #and he's not incapable of reciprocating it. he is INCREDIBLY fucking bad at it. but not incapable #ok i have to post this before i feel compelled to ramble any longer in the tags. jesus #got consumed by my a-yang feelings on a sunday morning sorry #not sure why i worded it as 'continues to survive' other than a constant subconscious denial that xue yang is dead

[specialagentartemis]

Sarah Sisko’s whole deal is so horrifying and messed up and DS9 just kinda. Glosses over it

#Imagine you are just a random Australian woman on Earth. Living your life minding your business #and then you get possessed by an alien force who have a Destiny they need to enact #And so controls you to go to New Orleans and hook up with a guy you’ve never met and you marry him and live with him for three years #And give birth to a son #And evidently that was what the alien wanted because once you have had a son the alien possession vacates your body #And you are in control of yourself again for the first time in three years #Married to a guy you didn’t seek out with a son you didn’t have a choice in #And the man is sweet and kind and in live with you! And thought you lived him! But you can’t bear it #So you leave him and leave the kid and hightail it back to Australia because what else can you do?? #And eventually commit suicide because you can’t handle this. Your life was upended in an impossible horrifying way for three years #You disappeared from your life with no warning for three years and then showed up again to people who think you just left #It’s the Star Trek universe—‘I was mind controlled by an alien force’ is well known #But that’s not supposed to happen to you. You aren’t a starfleet adventurer you live on Earth. Why You? #I feel like. Sarah your life was so horrifying/tragic and it wasn’t even about you #And even DS9 just brings this up practically in passing and then never dwells on it ever #perpetual perpetual ladies night #Star Trek #Deep Space 9 #ST:DS9

[leoleolovesdc]

Call me crazy, but if the batfamily was a friend group and not a family the mom friend wouldn't be Alfred, Dick or Bruce, but Tim

#hes the one taking care of everyone else #bruce is that one irresponsible suicidal friend who js forgets abt everyone else bcuz of his personal drama #dick vanishes as soon as he finds better people to hang out w #alfred is very done w everyone's shit and since he doesnt own anything to anyone he js sits back and watches the drama go down #tim is that one person who checks in on evryone to see how theyre doing #hes the glue of the group and the only persob who can arrange reunions #cause w/o him everyone would have given up on this friendship a long time ago #tim drake #robin iii #red robin #batfam #batfamily #dick grayson #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #dc #dc comics

[carefulfears]

thinking about how expectant of her own death scully always was, but how completely struck by shock she was in mulder’s, despite how clear it had always been that he would one day die for the cause. tragedy in the x-files as something you should have been prepared for, but never could be, in scully standing at a funeral, as her mother had stood at her father’s, and barely being able to speak. she should be able to do this? bred to be a war widow, attached to an endless line. but no matter how many times she saw him put that gun to himself, or run off in front of another, she really did believe that he would always come back. she really did believe that there would never be a day where he didn’t just appear in the doorway again.

#‘oh my god you’re so naive / you’ll leave this world in a drunken heap / who’ll make the arrangements baby / them or me?’ #oh father john misty we’re really in it now #that song (‘please don’t die’) has been discussed RE: msr before but it’s that ‘who’ll make the arrangements?’ line that sticks with me #in the song it’s from his wife’s point of view in his addiction/suicidality. how he’s always running off with ‘reptilian strangers.’ #but it always makes me think of scully standing at that funeral and saying….he was the last one. #his sister is GONE. his mother is gone. his father is gone. #and that realization of…she had to plan that funeral. the flowers and the people and the priest and the grave. #she’s pregnant and she’s alone and he ran off after someone else or some answers as he always does. but who will make the arrangements? #in that moment at the funeral when skinner says….but he’s NOT the last one….. #she has to keep going because he’s left her this baby she’s carrying. and she is so ill-equipped and she carries so much perceived shame. #her mother did it. her mother WOULDVE done it- had ahab not come home one day. the women on the base she grew up on did it. #and anyone in the world could’ve told you that she would have to do it one day- no matter how many years she spends chasing after him #as he jumps onto moving trains or pulls the trigger on his own head or runs to the arctic #but she never actually thought she would. and now she’s realizing that she can’t. #and she’s planning a funeral and decorating a nursery at the same time and she is ‘just not capable’ #txf.txt

[poppytuft]

bothers me very much when people use Ted getting upset telling the denver broncos story as like evidence that he could be queer instead of thinking about an old friend drowning in loneliness and saying to himself “i should’ve been there i should’ve supported him” is him reflecting on his traumas, as if this is not a man who heard his dad kill himself at age 16 and carries that guilt wherever he goes. he tells EVERYONE he loves that he supports them no matter what the struggle is and colin’s struggle was internal and invisible, WHICH SCARES HIM. he’s terrified by invisible struggle and he always has been BECAUSE of that childhood trauma. so TO ME…… it reads very media illiterate to take it that way, because Ted didn’t have some tender gay experience with his denver broncos friend in the 90s, he’s haunted by knowing there was someone he loved who went through something alone (even if it was silly and minor like watching the Super Bowl alone) and doesn’t want anyone to ever feel like that again, (especially if it’s something as big as being one of two gay men in a room in an industry that hates them) let alone one of his players on the team that he has worked so hard to turn into a family!!!!!!!!!! damn!!!!!

#ted lasso #YES YOU GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN AND SPECULATE #BUT ITS JUST……… DAMN!!! UR PISSING ME OFF!!! #minimizing the trauma of this man #not that that scene was ABOUT Ted at fucking all #but moreso taking that story out of context and deciding that he’s gay instead of examining how aCrazy of an actor Jason sudeikis #IS FOR DOINNG THIS MUCH WITH TEDS CHARACTER THIS SUBTLELY #CHRIST!!! #I’m just prickly whatever #HE COULD BE QUEER BUT THERES OTHER SCENES YOU COULD USE FOR THAT #INSTEAD OF THIS ONE THAT SHOWS HIS CRAZY ABILITY TO TAKE ON GUILT THAT ISNT HIS #BECAUSE OF HIS DAMN TRAUMA #eenposting #tw suicide #suicide ment #Ted Lasso spoilers #km not actually that heated about this FOR THE RECORD #also someone else wrote a much more beautiful analysis post about how that story of teds is supposed to represent well meaning Allie’s #who will never truly get it and will fuck up and say the wrong thing when they’re trying to relate to you #but that doesn’t mean that they intrinsically are bad or don’t love you. and Colin being like girl did you just compare being a broncos fan #to being GAY? #and ted immediately apologizing and remedying that fault ks like. objectively the most important take away from that scene #but I digress

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

#howling......he just showed up acted like a dick said some cryptic bs related a little too hard to the suicidal witness and then he left... #who else does it like him (noone. the answer is noone) #ace attorney #alex plays the goddamn lawyer game #Al's ramblings #ταμπλρ χρήστη λουκουμάδες μην κοιτάς!!! σποιλερσ!!!!

[trans-axolotl]

my life has been so much richer and full of meaning since I was introduced to mad liberation +the psych survivor movement and i am so so so grateful for the people who shared their time and energy and stories with me. can't imagine where i would be today without the people who helped me start dreaming of different ways of living + loving + caring for each other.

#personal #crazy to me that it was almost three years ago now that i like. first heard about psych incarceration and went Huh. huh. things make sense #antipsychiatry #mad liberation #mad pride #i love my psych survivor friends and loved ones so much #watching one of my best friends who's also a psych survivor get up in front of a room full of professionals and defend her thesis on #carceral structures of psychiatry settler colonialism and her proposal for Indigenous community care for suicidality #and im just so so proud of her and value her wisdom and insight and friendship so much #and knowing where she's come from and where she has lived to now #it has been such a comfort to be able to talk about instituionlization with someone else who has survived it #and only live like two minutes away from her #i

[aroacesigma]

really wish my mum would hurry up and get me a doctors appointment

#ramblings #just spent a solid half an hour with 'killyourselfkillyourselfkillyourself' in my head because i fucked up my maths draft #i would just like to clarify i would never . just really shitty thoughts i promise i would not ever follow through i dont really want to di #anyway its not even unfixable it was just more feedback than i expected and my draft wasnt the best in the class #i feel so fucking full of myself but god i cant handle this #fucking hell i wish everyone would stop expecting so much from me #every time i freak out my friends ar elike its fine mate youre gonna be top of the grade again WHAT IF IM NOT #I CANT FUCKING HANDLE IT IF IM NOT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE GOING FOR ME #IM LTIERALLY FUCKING USELESS #im not funny or good looking my art is mediocre as shit im irritating #academics is the only thing i have going for me #fuuuuuuuuuuck #i cant do this shit for another year #im gneuiely worried im gonna give myself physical problems when it comes around to external exams #whether that be idk fucking heart problems or injuring myself on purpose who the fuck knows #self harm tw #suicide tw #vent

[liquidstar]

I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire

#im thinking about how i saw a person say futurama is bad because bad things still exist in the future #and its like. thats the point though? #the joke is literally the idea that if we never learn and grow from these problems as a society these are the hyperbolic extremes #that they would come to etc etc #do i think it was all well handled? probably not. it had a 14 year run im sure it fumbled lots of stuff and has shit that doesnt hold up #but i feel like dismissing it entirely based on just- #''but bad stuff happens. and i want the future to be better so this bums me out'' is just dumb LOL like thats literally the point #theyre taking the problems of today and making them into crazy hyperbolic extremes to mock them THATS WHAT SATIRE IS #there is a clarity of purpose youre just bad at picking up on it. NIXON WAS THE FUCKING PRESIDENT IN THAT SHOW FOR CHRIST SAKE #WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK ''AMERICA'S FAVORITE SUICIDE BOOTH SINCE ****2008****'' COULD MEAN? #idk. this site is bad media literacy r us why take it seriously. but i am. bc its frustrating #bc that quote on its own is sooooo good at explaining why some ''satire'' is bad and doesnt work #but ppl who dont know how to engage w media beyond a surface level have taken it and turned it into like #''this is bad bc i didnt get it'' ok. sounds like a you problem. #but posting this is scary bc im afraid itll be used for the other extreme .-.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i love yasmin "it's been three years, depression WHOMST" khan saying "we dont have to keep doing this" to her sister on their annual suicide prevention anniversary dinner only to three weeks later spiral for 10 months straight and immediately leave home to come back 10 months later 5 years older heartbroken traumatised estranged and grieving someone her family met one (1) time during a freak spider situation, leaving her almost exactly in the position the doctor was in the entire time she knew her

#it's not that yaz was like a lot healthier than 13 it's just that circumstances worked in her favour i think #and now they really dont anymore #i expect shes gonna do approximately what the doctor did #which means Everything Is Fine :) for a year then Everything Is Clearly Not Fine But Dont Fucking Mention It for another #then another suicide attempt then Promise I'll Be Better (Doesnt Keep The Promise) #and then who knows bc the doctor just fuckin died so #good luck babygirl #i do think it'll take like processing everything else first before she can get to The Doctor Died #so at the point in the timeline if youre gonna match them up like ive done so prettily where the doctor died #and so wehre yaz would die hypothetically. that thats actually the point where she can admit that like. the doctor died #butwhat then idk #she'd be like 30 at that point #so i repeat good luck babygirl #yaz

[werebutch]

I cannot believe she was laughing at me because I was crying. Why am I still friends with her if she treats me like this. Protecting her. It’s been going on for so long I feel like this is like the last straw. I don’t know. I hope I don’t forget this because I tend to feel better later and just brush it off and continue to be friends.. I hope I can keep letting her know that her behavior has lasting effects. I’m tired of this

#one time she told me I’m worthless and should die because I came home with her Wendy’s order slightly wrong #and then she threatened suicide again 😭 #I don’t know who raised her to be this way. it wasn’t me or my parents. I think it’s her friend group. pretty sure it’s full of incels and #‘I don’t owe you anything’ kind of freaks #she will scream in my face but when I cry or yell back she tells me I’m verbally abusing her. I don’t do name calling I don’t overly #insult her. #but I forgot. of COURSE. I should have known that she’s the one being abused by everyone else. that argument really holds up. sure. #sorry I am still seething from it 😭

[aq2003]

i'll start drafting long posts talking about how some people overblow ten's ego/arrogance especially dw dudebros who ignore his guilt/depression/trauma and how his thinking of regeneration as death has less to do with him super really loving being Dweeb Alien David Tennant and more to do with him not wanting to move on from the deep love and grief that has defined his identity . and then i will not post these drafts because i do not want to be more annoying about ten than i already am

#like i so so deeply do not want to come off as one of those 'stop criticizing him! hes traumatized :(' ppl but also are you guys like #even considering the fact hes traumatized at all #how a full season is dedicated to how his ptsd affects him and his relationship with martha #and how him trying so hard to push his feelings down and not let himself be helped ends up deeply hurting martha too #i really do feel like people forgo this and instead subscribe to. like. #'it's like he had a bad breakup w his girlfriend and gets a new girlfriend and treats her like garbage bc he doesn't really love her' #rather than 'it's like his gf died and hometown exploded and he doesn't know if he should even have a friend and accept their attempts #to help him through his grief because he's afraid he'll lose them like he's lost everything else. But also he cant survive on his own so #he will drip feed himself human connection while not considering how unfair this is to the friend involved that he doesnt know loves him' #this isn't even touching on his suicidal tendencies in s3. like god #dr who #Uh oh i read this post and these tags over and looks like i AM being annoying about ten once again. its not my fault he's worms in my head #10 era