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futurewriter2000 · 4 years

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Too Late for Love

A/N: Oh God, it was a long one but finally I finished it. I know it took me a long time to write it but I DID! I tried putting all of my best in there. Though I think I could have made it better but it’s already long so I didn’t want to make it too long. I hope you like it <3 I love torturing James so much

REQUESTED BY @whyevenbotherrightsstuff : Hi can I have a request for James Potter that you and him are going back and for to each other like friends with benefits you are in love with him but you see that he still chases after Lily and you are tired of it and eventually end it and move on and he sees that you are with someone else and it just makes him jealous. Sorry that that's a long one you can decide the ending if you want.

It was as if it was an addiction.

You knew it was bad. You knew it was toxic but still, the pleasure from it was more appealing than recovery.

It's like that heart and brain saying. Sometimes you have to listen to the heart, sometimes you have to listen to your brain. However, never listen to your wild hormones, sex parts, and a horny, Gryffindor teenager named James Potter.

He was leaning over you, eyes staring down- not staring, rather observing, watching you seductively.

"Last night..." he lifted your chin, placing his lips on yours gently. "... last night was perfect." he pulled away and you smiled.

"It was?"

"Yeah but we should really just-" he heard some footsteps and quickly backed away from you, leaning on the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. He cleared his throat and continued. "Just find someplace else- you know... I don't want people talking."

It felt he pulled a string through your heart and sliced it in half.

Your smile wanted to drop but you kept it all the same as none of his words affected you. "Yeah-" you backed on the wall as well, chewing your lower lip as you tried to think clearly.

He could watch you biting your lip and he just thought back- back into that night, that perfect night where your bodies just moved so perfectly together. In such sync, harmony even.

He never thought he would be one of those guys that would have someone just for sex. But you and he had so much chemistry. You and he had more than that. He could be comfortable with you, know all your sweet spots and be sure he won't fuck up. It was complicated at first because you and he took each other's virginity and both of you wanted it that way.

You didn't pressure him into dating you immediately and he had told you that he is in love with another girl; Lily Evans.

Yet he couldn't stop thinking about it because the first time was extremely awkward for both of you. It was clammy, hot, stiffed, sweaty, sticky and he didn't really know what to do.

But there was a look i. Your eyes that just told him that it's okay and to be honest, he didn't want to suck at sex, so he asked you for a "favor". Just to perfect the sex, learn, explore, and please, find what makes each other tick.

It turned into just playful fun later on. It wasn't even planned anymore. The two of you would be sitting on the sofa, talking and laughing, and the next thing you know both of you were naked.

It was pure fun.

He used you and you used him and neither of you cared. Right?

Wrong. What do you expect?

For you, James was your first and it hurt like hell at first but it was as if... You could see yourself with him. Not just in the physical way, not just sex. Sometimes, in moments, there was something between the two of you that wasn't just sex. It was intimacy. It was love- for what you thought and you knew that he knew it too.

He should, right?

Wrong again.

He was James Potter. He and the right way were really best friends.

---

It was neverending torture. It was. For you, for him, for you mostly.

He kept leaning over to her, touching her, whispering to her... Flirting. It cramped your heart, your stomach, your whole bloody body to just see them.

It didn't anger you. It saddened you because all you kept thinking was: So there was just sex? There was just pleasure? Just fun? No intimacy? No love?

And you could feel your throat squeeze like someone poured a sour lemon into it, causing you to look away.

It hurt. It hurt because you were in love and he wasn't.

The ring was your salvation. It was your biggest, purest salvation because you couldn't wait to just run away and cry. It sounded pathetic but it was as if you couldn't help it anymore.

You were so stupid to believe you two actually had something. You were naive and gullible to fall for his manipulative lies and deceiving eyes. You were so furious at yourself because you let him get close to you. You let yourself love him when even in the slightest of his body that you kissed and touch, wasn't a chance of him loving you back.

But when you call the devil, the devil comes.

You could feel his hand on your shoulder without even looking at who he was. Your teary eyes flickered to the moving figure and he didn't even care enough to look closely and notice.

"Tonight, ten?" he grinned, backing away and winking.

You stood there for a moment, looking yourself at the ground and just exploding. At first, it was soft. "No." your voice quivered but it was just enough laud for him to hear it.

"Exams can wait. Homework? Bleh!" he brushed his hand, standing still.

"No, James." you shook your head, feeling your heart squeeze at the sound of your own realization. You looked up, a tear falling down your cheek and catching his attention.

"Wait- (y/n), darling." he started speaking softly, approaching you as if he cared.

He didn't! Get it to your head, (y/n)! HE DOESN'T CARE!

He reached for your hands and at first, you wanted to hold his hands but you shouldn't and so you hid them away from him.

"Why are you crying?" he asked. He asked as if it wasn't clear.

"Why am I crying?" you repeated his question, more tears, one after the other and each of them without your permission. "I can't do this anymore. I can't have sex with you and thinking it doesn't mean something to me when it does!"

He watched, his eyes falling into concern, pity maybe?

You scoffed, letting out a fake laugh and running both of your hands through your hair. "I won't do this anymore."

"Why not?!" he snapped, furrowing his eyebrows and glaring in disbelief.

"Because you're in love with someone else meanwhile you're shagging me!"

That snapped something inside him. Hurt? - No. James couldn't be hurt.

"We said- we put the rules! You, me, and no strings attached!"

"Yes, exactly." you leaned back, lowering your tone. "No strings attached." you rolled your eyes but tears keep falling and your whole face was soaked in the. "So why is it so hard for you to just agree with me if everything was no strings attached?"

"Because I need to know why? Did I do something wrong last night?? What did I-"

"Merlin, James!" you groaned from frustration. "I fell in love with you! And I kept this going because I thought you might love me back and today I came to the realization that you don't. So I am stopping this before it gets complicated."

"It's not complicated!" he started to panic, unaware of the reactions in his body.

"It is for me." you said. "I don't want to be like some girl you bang until you get your perfect girl. I want to be loved more than just in private. I want to share that love with the world." you started smiling to yourself. "It's okay, James." you spoke gently, calming his nerves as you always seemed to do. "I get it and I won't make it complicated, I swear. I won't try and get between you and Lily- you won't even see me. It was fun while it lasted." you shrugged, digging your hands into your pockets and walking by him. "See you around."

And James stood there. He stood there unable to know what had just happened.

It seemed selfish from his side but that's who he was. He told you that... And instead of getting all fiery and furious at him, you told him you just don't want to.

I mean, if you really were in love with him, wouldn't you want to use all the time you had with him before he gets Lily?

... He shook his head, smiling to himself.

It's over. You and him are over. At least he wasn' the one to break it. It's easy and simple, you won't complicate it.

He 's happy. He is.

It's all for the best anyway. The sex was great but that's all it was. Sex. He can focus solely on Lily now.

---

And he did. He focused solely on her- on the girl he has been chasing for quite a while now. And although he didn’t want to admit it, and pretended as if it wasn’t there- he could feel you missing.

Before and during your interraction, it wasn’t always physical. The two of you talked- well, more just plain, traditional talk. It was much more deeper than that. He told you everything, even the things he wasn’t aware he thought or felt. He told you all of his dreams, felt like he could tell you everything- every thought in his mind and you wouldn’t judge him.

You wouldn’t. It was so simple. You would listen to him talk about everything in his life, sometimes leaving a comment, laughing to the funny stories and the horrible jokes he cracked. The two of you told each other how your days went, which professor pissed you off, judging other people, studying...

It really was more than sex.

His favorite thing about you and him was the infuriating, fast debates about the things both of you disagreed about. The expression on your face would be so adorable when you defended your side of the debate. Your lips pursed themselves together, your chin would tense up as your eyebrows would draw themselves together.

He smiled to himself but the smile dropped when he would see you on the other side of the class, Great Hall or corridor. You would look at him but look away as well.

The two of you could still be friends even if he was with Lily?

Wouldn’t that be much simpler than the tension both of you feel now?

---

And like always, you were correct.

He dated her now. He would sling his arm over her shoulder and whisper something in her ear as he used to do it with you. His lips that once kissed you wholly were now pressed on her skin, his body next to hers.

She had him... and you didn’t.

That hurt. That hurt like hell and it wasn’t until three months you started to realize that you need to move on. Three long months of healing, trying to piece yourself together again. He broke you and he didn’t even care. You told him you loved him and for you, that was something heavy on your heart but for him, it was like a sweep under the rug.

So, it was time you brushed those tears and move on. It took you a few tries, falling back down and getting back up thinking it won’t hurt anymore.

But it did and at times it felt like you won’t ever be able to get over him.

You did though. You haven’t realized it until you saw him kissing her and it didn’t affect you as much as it used to. It was as if you were used to it already. It was something normal, something you saw every day, something... someone just moving on with their life and you’ve come to a realization, you could be that too.

And you were.

There was this boy in Hufflepuff. He was always your partner in most classes, asking you if he could copy your notes or that if you could help him with homework. Whenever he needed something for school, you were his person and you thought that for a long, long time.

You didn’t mind helping him. You knew he wasn’t serious for school, he told you that too many times. He just wasn’t serious. He was calm and relaxed, pretty much let life take care of it by itself. Whenever you were with him, you felt just the same. He made your worries go away, your body just go back into a calm state.

He reminded you that you could over-worry yourself, overthink, overstress and he was there to take all of that away. Put you on firm ground and explain to you that life is just simple, it’s your perspective that’s changing it.

He started opening up. Like a clam that was forever shut. It took you by surprise when he became so loose around you. For a long time, you wondered what he wanted from you because usually he did but all he wanted was to talk and you seemed to realize that he really was not the person you thought he was.

You talked with him every day. He told you about his thoughts, his days, and everything that was going on. To be honest, you loved listening to him because his mind was so much more expandable. He was a maniac for art and music, that was why he hated school so much. It restricted his creativity.

He was an artist that was why his silence was so pleasant. He’d sent you a letter that he is coming to your house, you’d wait for him on the sofa by the fireplace and he would come in his sweatpants and a hoodie, two different socks and completely messy dark hair. He would just sit down, both laughing and talking at first and then he would pull out his sketchbook and pencil and draw you. His eyes were like tropical water. It would be coral blue and if you looked closely there was such a gorgeous green colour. It didn’t change. Not even at night when the two of you would just be sitting or lying by the fire, you could still find his eyes so mesmerizing.

It didn’t take him long to tell you he liked you. It took the two of you two weeks before he would just blurt it out.

He drew you for the third time by then and he would turn it around, grinning. “What do you think?”

“What I always do. You’re incredibly talented and I look too damn good.” you started to tease but he only let out a chuckle and moved closer.

“You do.” he was now beside you, looking at you so deep into your eyes. “And did I tell you that you look beautiful today?” he tilted his head to the side, eyes still stuck on yours as a blush crept on your cheeks.

“I- uhm.” you smiled, looking away and letting out a soft giggle.

“Why are you turning away?” he asked, clearly teasing you a bit.

“I don’t know.” you turned your head back and he was much closer than he was before.

His eyes flickered down to your lips and his tongue subconsciously licked both of his lips. “You don’t?” he started moving in as you nodded, smiling as his lips lazily approached yours. He licked your upper lip just to tease you at first, smiling as he pulled away and could see your lips pulling themselves in like a magnet. Your hands placed themselves under his jaw and behind his neck, kisses slow, lazy and a bit careless.

It drow you wild how slow he was and as he saw you rush in, he pulled away, grinning cheekily at you as he brushed his thumb over. “Why the rush?”

“Why the delay?” you quirked an eyebrow and he smirked, moving back in and kissing you much more deeply but still slow.

Though this time it didn’t drive you as wild as before when he only teased with his tongue, slipping in and out. Now kisses were full and whole, intimate and consuming. He would lay you down on your back and press his body against you, kissing your jawline with slow, gentle and wet kisses, leading down to your neck and causing you to let out heavy breaths. But his kisses were so addictive that those heavy breaths weren’t breaths anymore but moans and you weren’t patient enough. You wanted him. You tried to pull him back up, kiss him with all the fire he lit inside of you but when you did try, his eyes flickered with mischief and torment, making you realize you just got the devil. His one hand grabbed your hands and lifted them above you, another free one, unbuttoning your shirt and placing soft kisses on your bare skin.

One thing you did not expect was the Head Boy making his night rounds before bed. One, clear thing you did not expect was hazel eyes setting on the couple kissing and touching at the fireplace.

It was the way his hands touched your skin, gently at first and digging his fingers into you as if you were his. The quiet moans you let out weren’t meant to be for him- no not for the Hufflepuff.

All thoughts ran through his head like a train- a second only before the rage filled his body and he stormed over, tackling the boy off you.

It took you a while to realize what had happened but before you could, they were already fighting on the ground, one on top of the other and otherwise.

“THE HELL JAMES!!” you shouted, grabbing him by the arms with all your strength and pulling him off. “GET OFF HIM!” you shouted at him, trying to cover your bare breast with one hand as the other kept pushing him away from the Hufflepuff.

Luca, who was panting as much as the other boy was glaring but smirking as well as it seemed to provoke the Gryffindor. “Thought a Chaser would punch better than that.” he wiped the small amount of blood from his lips.

James wanted to go back at him but you pushed him yet again. “JAMES!” you glared at him. “What the hell?!”

“Yeah, (y/n)! What the hell?!!” he snapped at you as well, pointing his hand at the Hufflepuff. “Luca Oliveira?! Him?!”

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business?” you finally buttoned up the part that would cover your skin, taking a step back and closing to Luca.

You could feel his hand take a hold of you from behind and you gladly took it as he always did bring you comfort.

“This tosser?!”

“OI!” You felt Luca storm by you but you quickly pulled him back.

“Luca no!” you pulled him back, trying to calm him down and placing your hand on his chest, trying to catch his gaze. “Luca.” you put your hand on his cheek and brushed it lightly until his eyes looked at yours- from fire to admire. He smiled sweetly at you, putting his hand on top of yours. “Let me take care of him.”

“You won’t- I mean-” he started to panic but you quickly smiled and shook your head.

“Just go get a pack before it gets swollen.” you sent him away and barely left the room, shooting James an ugly glare.

When he left you turned back and tucked the ends of your shirts to your sides, making him scoff and roll eyes. “Oh, come on (y/n)! It’s not something I haven’t seen.”

“Yeah, well it’s something only me and Luca get to see from now on!”

“OH! Who do you think you are? Made of gold?”

“Might as well!”

“Don’t flatter yourself. You’re just one of many girls. There are others with much better bodies than you!”

“Well, then you won’t mind me covering my skin, would you?” you continued to button the shirt until you saw Luca’s hoodie over the armrest and threw it over you, only goading the boy in front of you.

“Cute.” he glanced at the sweater, turning it into an eye roll.

“You jealous?” you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Jealous?! JEALOUS?!!” he continued to laugh in disbelief. “Why would I ever be jealous of him when I’m with Lily?!”

“I don’t know, James! Why would you ever attack Luca like that? Why would you tackle him on the ground and punch him?!” you started to get more furious, causing him to be silent as he contemplated. “You said it yourself. No strings attached-”

“Yeah well, you broke it first by falling in love!”

“And I told you I won’t complicate and stand between the amazing, hubba-bubba love you and Lily have. Did I attack Lily? No. Did it hurt? Yes but I sucked it up because that’s what maturity is! And when you clearly didn’t care half of shit for me I realized that I need to move on as you had clearly moved on with Lily!”

“Don’t say I didn’t care for you! I did!” he pointed his finger at you, growling and glaring at you.

“WHERE?!” you snapped, opening your arms and looking around. “Where did you care for me?! The sex part? That wasn’t caring- it was pleasure. What Luca gives me isn’t just pleasure, it’s love and I gotta say James I feel loved when I’m with him.”

“But do you love him?”

“I don’t know. Do you love Lily?” you stared at him and he stared back, the tension between the two of you building.

“I have to.”

“That’s not clear enough. Are you in love with her?”

“What do you mean?”

“Love isn’t an obligation, James.”

“WELL FINE! I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” he blurted all of a sudden, just as he did with you and his feelings he wasn’t aware until they were said. He stared at you for a while as you stared back into his eyes, feeling your whole world turn upside down.

You started backing away. “No.” you said, your voice quivering.

“I guess I am in love with you.” he smiled to himself, finally feeling his heart function properly. “I am in love with you- I love you!” he beamed and ran to you, taking your hands into his. He wanted to kiss you but you just couldn’t do it.

“No, James!” you pushed him away again.

“What do you mean no? I love you. I finally know now-”

“NO!” you shouted, shaking your head and running your hands down your face. “You don’t get to realize it four months later and come running back to me as if I had waited for you. I moved on! I healed! I don’t want you anymore. You’re too late!”

And it felt like the heart that finally started beating died away.

“You can’t.”

“You’re with Lily.”

“I can break up with her.”

“I’m with Luca.”

“You can break up with him.”

“I’m not breaking up with him.” you watched him. “Don’t you get it, James. I’m moved on from you and I fell in love with another person. I fell in love with someone who isn’t afraid to show how much he loves me. He’s vocal about it, he holds my hand, he’s not afraid to tell me what he feels and I love that about him. He makes me feel amazing about myself and with you? With you, I felt like just someone there for you.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“Yes, it is! Because you were NEVER THERE FOR ME!” your voice cracked and your tears started to appear. “We talked about you! We did the whole sex deal to please you! We never once made a decision based on my needs! And I needed to be loved! I needed love. I needed support and someone to turn to.”

“You know you could always turn to me.”

“No.” you shook your head. “I don’t trust you anymore.”

“Please, (y/n).” he took your hands in his again. “Give me a second chance. I can prove it to you. I can love you. I can cherish you more than any man can. I can show you how much I love you-”

And to you, that felt like everything you wanted to hear from him... once. Once when you told him you were in love with him. Once when he looked at you but still chose to kiss her. Once in all those four months.

Not anymore.

“No.”

“I just realized! I didn’t know I loved-”

“No!” you shouted, ripping your hands away from him and crying. “You loved me?!” your voice continued to crack, barely letting out any sound. “Did you love me when you kissed her? Did you love me when you chose her over me? Did you love me when you saw me in the hall and decided to ignore me? Did you love me when you made love to her? When did you love me?”

“I DIDN’T KNOW!”

“Well, neither did I, James and that’s not my problem. Not anymore.” you started to pick up your stuff, turning him your back.

“You can’t do this? If you loved me, you wouldn’t turn your back on us so fast.”

“It took me months to get over you. Why would I want to get back to you when I have such an amazing guy waiting for me with a bruised lip?” you smiled as you thought of him. “Turning my back on us is the least thing I could do after what you did. You didn’t give us even a chance.”

“You don’t love him.” his voice quivered, his eyes tearing up. “Do you?” his voice was so weak by now that it sounded just like yours months ago.

You knew how much it hurt him but once you lose trust into someone, it’s hard to get back and you just couldn't’ go back when you’ve come this far.

“It’s too late, James. I just don’t want you anymore.” you shook your head and started backing away, seeing tears fall down his cheeks as you did.

It squeezed your heart to see him broken but you and James stopped existing a long time ago.

“Please.” you could hear his plea behind you, causing you to lose so much strength in your body, you could feel your legs go numb.

This was the hardest part, (y/n).

You looked over your shoulder to find him there standing in defeat and tears. “No.”

The hardest but finally the last.

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