#yeah this one probably falls under the codependency tag that if i had it would be pretty goddamn full | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lavenderwhore444 · 3 years

Text

House Trained

a collab with @reallyshey 💗

shigaraki x dabi x reader

commisons

masterlist

interactivefics

CW: nsfw duh 🙄 piss 🥰 vaginal sex anal sex unprotected sex, cat hybrid Shigaraki, darker tags under the cut...beware

PSA: I was NOT a part of the shit or vomit, so do NOT request that pls 🥰 it's pretty obvious I didn't write it cause it's so good I could never write that well 🥲, blood, pain anal, spikey dick hehe 😼 punishment (locked in a cage) umm all done? slight dubcon…???Coercion...????

The concept of human and animal mixing themselves wasn’t something new but science made that too close to reality. Now a hybrid was the common pet for many- the perfect balance for those who wanted children but simply weren’t equipped with the time or the money. Those cute angelic human faces, with ears poking out from-

And Tomura had squatted and was pissing on the couch. Y/N couldn’t help but rub her eyebrow in frustration. It was like she had just cleaned that yesterday! At this rate, she may as well throw out the couch. And she loved her little kitty, of course! But it was getting ridiculous.

It was like taking care of a child who'd never been potty trained. She couldn't put him in diapers either. He’d be humiliated and pissed off at her for god knows how long. So she had to take him to the bathroom about once every two hours. Sometimes he’d make a fuss and pee on the bath mat on purpose, but other times, he was compliant. She found that pushing on his bladder a little helped when he was feeling stubborn.

It hadn’t always been so routine, though. At first, he was mortified at the prospects of Y/N watching him pee. It's gross! She wasn’t supposed to see him do that! In hindsight, maybe getting him so comfortable with that was a mistake. He was brave enough to go in front of her no matter where. She should have just locked Tomura in the bathroom and listened to him to make sure he went but no.

Of course, she had to baby him. He would rub up against her leg all day, purring. He’d lay beside her at night and beg for praise, and she couldn't deny him because he's just oh so cute. Things really took a turn when he started calling her mommy. That definitely flipped a switch for her. Y/N was so easily manipulated by him, and neither of them realized. Shigaraki thought he just had the perfect mommy, and Y/N just thought she had the perfect baby boy.

She loved her cute cat hybrid, but he even had some funny habits. For example, he was still a young cat- about twenty-two-ish in human years. But even so, she’d never bothered to get him spayed. It hurt her feelings to even think about it. She tried talking to him about it, but he only cried and cried and cried until she promised him she wouldn’t.

And even then, her little baby wasn’t aggressive. The worst-case scenario was this- his spaying and genuine accidents. He took out his sexual desires on her pillow, humping it, kneading it, and biting down on it. His tail twitched in a specific way Y/N had learned to recognize whenever it was obvious he was getting aroused, whether from her belly rubs or simply the passing of time.

He was strictly an indoor hybrid too- Y/N believed in keeping her hybrid safe from passing cars, especially when he didn’t know any better. I mean, how the fuck was he supposed to protect himself? He’s so codependent on her. Tomura crawls across the floor and clings to her leg more often than not. He tugs on Y/N’s clothes for food and has to have at least twelve good night kisses. He’s pampered and spoiled and so happy he found a good mommy.

Y/N would kill anyone or anything who would dare hurt her precious boy. He was so sweet and defenseless. Only a monster would hurt someone so sweet. But Y/N knew the world was full of monsters. She's not näive. Her parents were a good example. They had unprompted hate towards her boyfriend at the time and his family until it tore their relationship apart.

He was the one keeping her sane, keeping her grounded but their hatred got in the way. They had planned on adopting a hybrid before, they even decided to name him Tomura. Y/N wasn't hung up on him, she had her little kitty to love! But the name was still sentimental. If only he had kept talking to her, they could have had a life together, but he ghosted her completely and their last conversation was something mundane.

She’s brought back to reality by something soft rubbing her leg, she looks down to find Tomura smiling up at her.

“Mommy, you forgot to take me to the bathroom, meow,” he says calmly, as though peeing on the couch was a completely reasonable response to that.

She sighs, “Next time, just remind me, Tomu, just please stop peeing on the couch,”

He nods and rubs against her leg a bit more, “I’ll be a good boy, mommy,” he promises, knowing he’s going to break it, “Pet me please, meow.”

It’s not really a question, and more a demand: his tail swishes when she sits down on the floor with him. He nuzzled into her hand as she scratched behind his ears. Getting the couch cleaned all the time was expensive and embarrassing. What do the neighbors think every time they see it pull into their driveway?

Y/N finally caves, and, opening her phone, calls the first business with “Animal Trainer” next to it. It looked like a serious business and was rated five stars. It didn’t even look that expensive either! Even so, she had to get him to stop acting out like this.

“Hello?” She says once the phone stops ringing.

“Yes, this is Dabi speaking. How can I help you today?” A voice responds on the other side, thick and gruff. He sounded like he’d smoked for quite a few years (that or he had just gotten out of bed).

“Hi, this is Y/N. I’m calling because my cat hybrid is spaying and pissing everywhere. He’s not fixed, and I promised him I wouldn’t do that to him. I need to get him to stop. I can’t keep cleaning but I’m not going to give him up to the shelter either.”

There’s a moment of silence on the other line. “A bad kitty. I can fix that. You’ll need to chip in, of course.”

She hesitates and looks over at Tomura who is starting to rub against her legs, curious about what and who she’s talking to. “Of course. When’s the soonest you can come over?”

“How about right now?”

“Perfect. Here’s my address.”

Dabi walks through the door, and her mouth falls open.

“You,” She says in surprise and in shock.

He grins devilishly, “Me, it's nice to see you, sweetheart.”

She scoffs, “It’s nice to see me? You stopped talking to me after we dated for almost a year!”

“It’s not my fault you changed your number and didn’t tell me,” He snaps back at her, his irritation growing. He grew sick of the disconnected response from the phone too quickly for her to joke about this.

“I never changed my-” She stops, “Oh.”

His face softens too, “It was your parents, huh?”

“Yeah,” she says, looking up at him.

Y/N wraps her arms around Touya hesitantly, and he does the same. Meanwhile, Tomura sits there in shock. Who was this man cuddling with mommy? He’d have to drench the whole house to get this guy’s scent off, and what’s in the bag?

“And this is Tomura,” She introduces. He looks up at the mention of his name, letting out a confused meow.

He grins- Y/N really knows how to pick them. This was the name they promised they’d name their own little hybrid all those years ago when they made plans to marry. So even if she was angry...

“Hey, little guy,” Touya says, trying to be friendly.

That was pretty easy when a cute kitty is staring up at you. But not so easy when he hisses at you and mutters profanities. He frowns. This was gonna be a lot of work.

“Hey,” he says, turning away from the pissed-off kitten, “I’ll give you a discount, how's three hundred sound?”

Her eyes light up, “Three hundred sounds fantastic! Thank you, Touya!”

She hugs him again and Shigaraki wants to yell but...mommy seems so happy with this... this stranger. And he doesn't want to make her sad, so he crawls away and mopes in her room, curling up in her bed and burying his face in her blankets. Does she love him? Is he going to stay? He wouldn't blame Y/N; this Touya person is rather cute but still. She doesn't notice her missing kitty while she continues to work out the details with Touya.

“Y/N, down to business. Why is your hybrid causing you problems? You said something about spaying? Tell me about it.”

“So what happens is that he goes around peeing everywhere! I used to be able to help him go to the bathroom, but now he just goes wherever he wants, whenever he wants! I looked it up and it sounds like spaying, but it’s full-on piss sometimes too.”

Touya is quiet for a moment, thinking, “So he sees you as a mate and he’s trying to mark his territory to ward off another male. Have you invited anybody over recently?” He asks, trying to grasp the situation.

Y/N shakes her head. He saw her as a mate?! “No, I try not to. My house smells like piss thanks to Mister Whiskers.” She huffs.

“He probably sensed another hybrid then from the outside. Possibly a feral. The best way to get him to stop is to make him think he already owns you. I’ll call hybrid control too. It’s not a good place for hybrids on the streets.” He says, pulling out his own phone and sending a text.

“Okay then. How do we do that?”

“It’s quite easy,” he says, “Let's go find Tomura first.”

He heads upstairs to where he assumes Tomura’s hiding. The smell of pee intensifies as he gets closer to what he assumes is your room. He opens the door to see Tomura curled on the bed, frowning.

“See how territorial he is?” Touya points out, “He already sees me as a threat even though I've just walked in the door.”

Y/N nods, but she’s still in disbelief. Tomura sees her as his mate? That's ridiculous. Although, if what Touya’s saying is true, she really wouldn't mind. She’d always had a crush on Tomura, I mean just look at him! He’s cute and so cuddly. The adorable ears and fluffy hair really add onto the whole cute kitty image. He’s so smart too. And kind. Their relationship isn't one-sided at all, he takes care of Y/N and she takes care of him.

Touya nudges her towards the bed, and she sits next to him. They both look at each other for a while, and Touya doesn't interrupt. They need to go at their own paces, for now at least. Y/N finally reaches a hand out to scratch behind his ears, and Tomura starts to purr again. It feels like Y/N is the only one in the room. He doesn't even notice Touya until he sits on the other side of him.

He wants to hiss and scratch at him, but Y/N is scratching his head just the way he likes.

“Hey buddy,” Touya says, reaching out to rub soothing circles on his back, “You love Y/N a whole lot, huh?”

Tomura nods, still suspicious of the man sitting with them.

“She’s your mate, isn't she?” he says, fingers trailing across his neck to scratch the back of his head, “You've got a nice pretty mate Tomura. She’s all yours, sweetie,”

Mate?! How did Touya know how he felt about y/n? They barely said a word to each other.

“Mate,” he nods, grabbing onto Y/N’s thigh.

He worms his hands between the mattress and her soft thighs and squeezes it in his arms, laying his head on it.

“Mate,” he purrs, happy that he’s able to say it out loud, “Mommy’s such a pretty mate.”

Touya nods; this is good. They're making progress.

“Now Y/N, why don't you lie down on the bed,” Touya instructs.

She does as told and lies on her back, trying to relax. She tenses up again when his fingers tug down her pants. She tries to grab his hand and stop him but he bats it away.

“Do you want your house to smell like piss for the rest of your life, or are you gonna let me help you?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

She nods and lets him pull down her pants.

“Are you sure this is necessary?” she asks, not enjoying the cold air on her cunt nor the fact that she was nearly naked in front of both of them.

“Completely necessary,” he assures her.

Next to go is her shirt, then her bra until she’s lying completely naked in front of them. When he starts to strip Tomura down, she gets worried. Why is Tomura suddenly so compliant with Touya? He was ready to flip his shit just minutes ago. Touya guides Tomura to kneel between Y/N’s legs and wiggles his spiked cock out of its little pouch. Tomura mewls softly; he’s never felt someone else touch him there before.

“Now, why don’t you rub mommy’s pussy right,” he guides Tomura’s hand to her clit, “There.”

He looks confused but does as he’s told. Obviously, Tomura doesn't do it well enough. The nerves and inexperienced hands don’t do anything to get Y/N aroused. Too bad so sad, he’s here to fix a problem, not make it pleasurable. He lines up Tomura’s cock, and Y/N finally pieces together what's happening. Her breathing picks up and her eyes widen. Surely he wasn’t really going to have Tomura fuck her, right? That would hurt! Like really really hurt!

But the look of excitement in his eyes made her feel guilty. He wants this so badly and he loves her so much. If this was going to help him she’d just have to take it. So when Touya helps him poke the tip of his cock in, she’s already white-knuckled from gripping the sheets. She whimpers when more of it starts to go in; it felt like the branch of an English hawthorn was forcing itself inside of her. At the same time, the tiny, sharp thorns on his cock were tickling her G-spot.

She wasn't ready when he started to fuck into her, he was over the moon with joy whilst she was crying out in pain. Tomura can’t decide between yowling, meowing, or moaning so he chooses a mixture of all three. All of his little noises are adorable; the whines and whimpers of her name make her try to smile through all of the pain.

“Gotta...breed mommy,” he pants, “Breed mommy!”

Her eyes widened.

“No sweetie,” she says, squeezing her eyes shut and trying not to focus on the pain, “You can’t breed a mommy baby. Please don’t Tomura.”

“Hey,” Touya says, “do you want this to work or not?”

She whines in defeat and lets him keep fucking her.

“Breed, mommy,” he chants, happier than ever.

Everything's “fine” until he decides to bite her tit.

“Ow! Tomura, no!” she cries, trying to push his head away, but Touya holds her hands in place.

“You can’t deny him Y/N. It won't work if you do,” he tuts.

She tries to squirm away, but Touya keeps his grip on her firm, and the cold hands of death couldn't pry Tomura away from her. So she cries and moans and prays that he’ll cum and get this over with. Touya lets go of her hands and climbs behind Tomura. What was he doing back there?

Y/N doesn’t even have a moment to be confused as Touya unbuckles his pants, Tomura grinding at her pussy, his sharp barbs and accurate aims make the pain and the pleasure simply too much for her brain to work. He doesn’t even take off his shirt, or slide them down, just pulls out his cock from his jeans and shoves it into the cute tight, and unsuspecting hole in front of him.

“Meow! Mommy! It hurts! Meow!” Tomura cries, yowling in pain as his virgin hole is penetrated. Touya’s cock is massive- at least twelve inches in length. Despite Tomura’s small size, she can still feel Touya against her own stomach, the way his cock burrowed a hole into Tomura, in through one end and attempting to force its way out the other.

“Look at that cute little pussy. It’s all nice and red for Master''. Tomura was bleeding! He meowed, feeling the trickling down his thighs as Touya pushed himself into Tomura, again and again, forcing Tomura to keep fucking Y/N despite the pain that he was in. As she gets wetter it’s easier for her to talk and think. She cradles Tomura’s head in her arms and lets it fall into the crook of her neck.

“How is this helping?” she asks, still crying from the pain of Tomura’s cock in her.

“Um, it’s keeping him inside of you? Listen, I don't fucking know. I just wanted to fuck him, ” Touya laughs, before pausing, “Or even bitch him if it works.” Leaning down to trail kisses up Tomura’s neck, he coos “Who’s my pretty boy?”

“I am, ” he sobs, “Mommy, please, it hurts. But it feels so good just- just make it stop mommy please.”

“I can't, sweetie. I’m sorry,” she says, kissing the side of his head, “It’ll feel good soon, Tomura, I promise.”

He bites her tit again, not as hard as before, and tries to stifle the sounds of his crying. How could he be a good mate if he was so weak? He doesn't deserve her. He should give her up to Touya; he’s strong and smart, not weak like he is. But then Y/N pulls his face away from her chest and kisses him. It’s rough and passionate and the best thing he’s ever felt, besides her warm wet pussy, of course.

When he cums, he cums hard. His cock was made for breeding so it squirts out more cum than humanly possible. It takes mere seconds for it to start gushing out of her, seeping deep into her womb. There’s no doubt she’s pregnant; Y/N never planned to have sex at this point in her life, so she was on absolutely no form of birth control.

Even if she had used a condom, Tomura’s thorny cock would have poked right through it. His cum would’ve somehow breached her IUD, and it was sure to be one hundred times more potent than human cum and no chemical could’ve stopped it. They're both aching when Touya finally fills Tomura’s tight, no longer virgin, asshole. Thankfully it makes it easier for Touya to slide out of him without either ripping Tomura’s asshole or having Tomura’s asshole pull his cock right off.

Touya is surprisingly good with his aftercare. And it looks like he came prepared as well.

Touya takes his sweet time gently putting hybrid injury cream around his ass. There's nothing of course he could do about the inside besides giving Tomura some anti-inflammatory medicine and blood stoppers. All wrapped inside of a pill pocket, the brat.

And despite his so-called love for Y/N, Tomura still kept up the attitude. When Touya moved onto Y/N, slowly caressing her cunt and making sure she was okay, taking care of her and wiping her clean of cum, Tomura would throw a fit and say he wanted attention.

Don't get him wrong, he was worried for his mommy. He didn't know what the white stuff leaking out of her was or what the white stuff that'd been leaking out of him was- he just knew it felt good. But he recognized bruises from his own hands, his claws digging into her from when he orgasmed.

But he wanted attention too! What about him?! Why did mommy get all the attention? It was like he had completely forgotten the attention that had been on him for a while. He meowed over and over, tugging on Touya’s arm.

“Master,” he whines, “What about me?”

“Shh,” Touya says, “We need to take care of mommy too, Tomura.”

“But-” he starts.

“No buts unless you want me to spank yours,” Touya warns.

Tomura opens and closes his mouth, deciding he’d rather not have his ass beat red. He still whines, though, putting his head on Y/N’s chest, so he never left his master’s line of sight. When Touya pushes his head away, he mewls over and over, crying out for his master. Claiming that “You don’t care about me, Master!”

Touya silences him with a kiss on the forehead and the lips, and that satiates him...for a while until he’s pawing at Touya again, whining and whimpering. However, when Y/N is the one to try and silence him, he shuts up immediately. You never tell him to be quiet; you always tell him how much you love his voice.

So he curls into you and kisses your neck, telling you that you're the best mommy in the world. You can only smile and nod, letting Touya apply ointment to your wounds. Tomura has never felt like this before, not just from his orgasm but being cared for by two people. Of course, Y/N cared for him well, maybe too well. She spoiled him beyond belief. He got away with pissing on the couch for months. He got whatever food he wanted whenever he wanted. You even let him eat at the dinner table though he was NOT supposed to.

Touya fixed all of that. He disciplined Tomura, shoving him in a diaper until he begged and cried to be good, and he was...until Touya went home. Touya also put him on a diet that was healthier for his sensitive stomach. Lastly he made it very clear to her that Tomura will only be eating out of his bowls on the floor, much to Tomura’s disappointment.

Despite it all, they end up together. All of them. Mommy and Master and cute little Tomura at the center. Maybe he would’ve stopped acting up but he didn’t. He just wanted both of them more- and both of them together. So he makes mommy call Touya for no reason or forces her to, pissing and shitting wherever he could, even vomiting.

Even things that didn’t need to be fixed- they called Touya. And of course, Touya always sets Tomura straight. He’d shove Tomura in a kennel for hours, and force Y/N to watch, to discipline him for calling him over, sometimes even himself if he got ahold of the house phone, and Y/N to get her to stop spoiling Tomura.

And of course, Tomura would yowl and cry that nobody loved him, making painful noises that would cause suffering to any normal human’s heart (at least, Y/N would argue that). He would piss himself even more, and even shit on the blankets to try and get the smell to let him out. Touya however, only pissed on Tomura when he pissed in the kennel, and sprayed air freshener when he shit. Maybe it was something that he wanted himself.

Y/N, of course, would always let him out when he let out a particularly miserable noise. She washed the disgusting blankets at night when she was supposed to be asleep and cleaned him up through the bars of his cage. Whenever Touya caught her, he was furious. It took only minutes for her to be squished in the cage besides Tomura, praying he didn't decide to make any messes.

She comforted him, reminding Tomura that Touya would provide wonderful aftercare for the bruises and indents the cage gave them. When Touya fed them through the bars it was especially humiliating, making sure to spill or smear at least some of it on both Y/N and Tomura. But Tomura was happy to clean you up with his cute pink tongue, and that never failed to make her giggle.

Despite the punishments and the spoiling he loves his mommy and master equally! They were so good to him! Dogs can be a man’s best friend, but what best resembles a lover? The cute little kitty cat in the middle of mommy and master.

234 notes · View notes

xxisxxisxxis · 3 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Four [PT.1]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of substance abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @edwardtriggerhandzz @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie @emariehorror @divaanya @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @abaldboi @liith-ium @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @ytwahsog @scarecrowmax @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @meetthesixxter @arianareirg @gingerspicetalks

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze @reigns420 @sixxseconds2love @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @allyouneedislove-mp3 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @viinceneil

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

NIKKI

"My wife doesn't tell me she's having an important surgery done, no, no, she just tells her girl friend Sharise who tells Vinnie and I'm the last one to fucking know about it." I tell Amber.

"I didn't wanna stress him out." Vivian insists, raising her brows.

"No, you just don't wanna keep me in the know just to piss me off." I argue.

"Nikki, go to hell." She tells me.

"You're not talking to him like that in here," Amber scolds her. "Just like he's not talking to you like that. We aren't doing that anymore. That was the issue last week. I didn't stop you two from talking trashy to each other and it got you where you are right now." She states. "Vivian, why didn't you tell Nikki about your procedure?"

"I didn't even tell the father of my kid I was having it done--I'm just a private person." She tells her.

"Duff doesn't even know?"

"No, he doesn't, and he's not going to." She looks at me.

Note to self: call Duff when she leaves.

"Why haven't you him?" Amber asks her next.

"Because I was freaking out over it enough as it was. I didn't need more people freaking out over it." She says. "So I just told Sharise because she was the one driving me home from it."

Amber just raises her brows and thinks for a second, her lips pursed.

"You see what I have to deal with?" I ask as I motion to Viv.

"Nikki, please." Vivian rolls her eyes.

"And she wonders why I won't fuck her. She doesn't deserve it at the moment." I add.

"Your dick isn't made of gold, Nikki, it's some trophy I should have to earn--especially when you clearly have no qualms tossing it around like a hot potato from one pussy to the next."

"That's not how you were acting last week." I argue. "

"But you won't fuck me because I'm not Vanity." She says back.

"I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl." I admit.

"You'll go down on me while I'm on the rag but me being eleven weeks pregnant--barely showing--is where you draw the line?"

"Right, sorry, 'I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl when she's pregnant with a baby she cheated on me to conceive,' there, that's better." I correct myself.

"At least I know the lovechild I have, exists. Do I even wanna think about the girls you've probably knocked up across the globe the last several years?" She accuses me.

"Unlike you, dear, I know how to fucking use condoms." I cut back at her.

"Gee, can't imagine where I learned to hate condoms in the first place." She sarcastically adds.

"Fuck if I know, you were telling me to take the damn thing off the first time we even had sex, little miss, 'I'm a virgin', 'this is my first time,' which looking back now is so obviously bullshit." I scoff.

"I was until you fucking corrupted me."

"My apologies, I didn't realize I was creating a cum monster whose main ambition was to procreate."

"And I didn't realize I was creating a codependent junkie." She doesn't hesitate to throw back at me and we're both silent just enough for Amber to cut in.

"I am going to give you two homework." She says, sighing, glancing at the clock.

We're out of time.

"I want you two to write each other a letter, one that doesn't involve putting one another down, and I want you to pick a time--any experience or memory with on another--that you consider the happiest you've been with each other, and I want you to mail them to each other, and next visit you'll read each other's letters back to one another to remind that person what they wrote. Sound easy?"

We just look at each other, not saying a word.

I didn't want to waste my time writing something for her that she'd just rip up without reading, and I knew she would, and I could see she didn't want to do that, either.

I'm great at song writing...but love letters?

I think back to the last love letter I wrote for Viv...the one in the back of her Bible I gave to her.

It kind of hurts that one of the last physical confessions of love I gave to her was practically a suicide note.

I close my eyes and groan, rubbing my forehead.

Fuck.

I try to think back to my happiest time with her over the last years.

Like flicking through the index of my mind--as best as I can, at least…

I let out a heavy sigh as I flip from channel to channel, chewing my gum, getting frustrated when I can't find anything interesting to watch.

"Are you gonna find a channel and stick to it or are you gonna keep flipping through the same channels and expect programming to change in a matter of seconds?" Vivian asks in a borderline snap, getting aggravated with me.

I just roll my jaw and turn the T.V. off, tossing the remote onto the coffee table.

"I didn't say turn it off, Nikki, you can watch T.V., just pick a channel and stick to it." She sighs, her Bible still in hand, the pad she's using to take notes in, in her lap.

"No. You just read your shit in peace and quiet. Sorry for the interruption." I reply, passively.

"Nikki, turn the T.V. back on and watch it."

"I'm good." I state.

"Ugh, you are such a whiney baby." She mumbles and I raise my brows, looking at her.

"I'm a what?" I ask, and she looks at me.

"A whiney baby."

"A whiney baby?"

"Yeah." She says it surely.

I'm grabbing her socked foot that's in my lap, making her squeal, her Bible and notepad falling in the floor when she kicks at me as I start tickling her foot.

"Nikki, stop!" She laughs out, sitting up and trying to fight me off of her.

"No, I'm a whiney baby remember?" I remind her, letting her foot go, getting on top of her, my hands moving to her waist, making her laugh again, trying to push me off of her.

I lean down and kiss her exposed neck, and stop tickling her, instead wrapping my arm under her, pulling her against me, settling between her legs.

She sighs and kisses me when I lean down to her.

Once we pull away for air, I run my thumb over her lip and she blinks up at me, slowly.

I can tell she's thinking, "what the hell is this? What are we doing? We aren't dating, we're not just friends, though, so what are we, Sixx?"

I don't know, either.

I'd tell her that but I don't want to freak her out or something.

I like her, a lot...more than a lot…

"What is it?" She asks me, and I realize I've just been staring at her.

"I, uh...I'm not really seeing anyone else anymore, you know?" I say, hoping she gets the hint, and she raises her brows a little.

"Oh." She replies.

"Not that it's a big deal or anything." I add.

"I wasn't thinking it was." She shakes her head a little...but I can practically see her doing little mental cartwheels and screaming out with joy.

I just smile at her, kissing her again.

I wrinkle my nose at the memory, not quite sure if that's when I was at my happiest with her.

I just decide to keep digging through more of my memory--what's left of it, that is--until I'm grabbing my pen, and writing away at the paper.

"Shhh, shh, you're gonna wake her up!" Vivian whisper yells at me as she holds a sleeping Skylar, the little baby wrapped up in a thick blanket, pacifier in mouth, knocked out cold.

"It's nearly 5:00a.m., what the hell are you doing up?" I ask her, trying to talk straight after a night of booze and blow.

"She hasn't slept since midnight. I've been trying everything but she just dozes for a few minutes and then wakes back up and whines." She explains.

She looks tired...exhausted, really.

"You want me to hold her and you go to bed?"

"She doesn't like you, the second she gets the feelings you're holding her, she'll wake you screaming." She reminds me.

"She likes me." I argue.

"Nikki, she purposely pees on you anytime you change her diaper, she gets antsy when you hold her--not to mention the amount of times you weren't paying attention and put her clothes on backwards or inside out and she pitches a fit."

"Hey, trying to dress a squirmy kid is military-grade patience training. If you try to perfect whatever it is she's wearing, she gets irritated and just wants down and starts moving around more and making it more difficult to get some clothes on her." She just chuckles a little and gets quiet in the light of the little reading lamp, her eyes closing slowly.

"Viv,"

"Hmm?"

"Go put the baby in the little crib thing Sharise brought over and go lay down." I tell her, quietly.

"I'm fine where I'm at." She insists, but I know she's not.

I take the chance and gently pick Skylar up, causing Vivian to say, "Nikki, don't wake her up," and I carefully make sure not to wake her as I carry her to the guest bedroom and put her in her playpen on her back like Sharise drilled into mine and Viv's heads to be sure of.

She doesn't wake up, and when I get back to the living room, Vivian's asleep in her chair, cuddled under the blanket she had Skylar under.

"Alright," I nudge her awake and she hums, furrowing her brows. "C'mon," I say to her, and she reaches her hands out. "What is it?" I ask her.

"Can you carry me?" She asks and I sigh out.

"Yeah, baby," I don't tell her, 'no,' despite not knowing whether or not we'll get to the bedroom because I'm tired and I know she obviously is, too, and she's not light as a feather--which will just make me more tired by the time I head to the bedroom.

I scoop her up and make it to the bed, only nearly dropping her once due to losing my footing--which that's not her fault. That's just the evidence of my night out.

When I lay her on the bed and pull my clothes off, crawling in beside her, she's snuggling up to me under the covers.

"You smell good." She mumbles to me.

"I don't know how. I smell like cologne, sweat, and booze." I mumble back, my eyes closed.

"You smell good." She repeats it.

"You do, too." I reply.

"I showered. You should try it some time." She says.

"Okay, Sixx, don't make me whoop your ass at five in the morning." I tell her, keeping my eyes closed, and she giggles, pressing her lips to my cheek, and my jaw, her nails trailing down my chest to my abdomen, deliberately running over the trail of hair leading down to my…

"It's five in the morning." I groan out, biting back a moan when her hand wraps around me, another kiss being pressed to my cheek.

"We can be done in a couple minutes." She tells me.

"I thought you were tired." I reply, trying to wake myself back up being that a certain part of me is up and alert. I rake my hands down my face as she straddles me, before looking up at her. "You're like those spiders that wait for the males to be vulnerable then they fuck 'em and kill 'em." I add, despite my hands running up her thighs to her waist…

"You always complain about early morning sex but then by seven o'clock you're the one not letting me tap out." She reminds me.

I just grab her hips and push her off of me before getting on her, making her laugh before my mouth catches hers, my teeth bitting at her lip before my tongue smoothes over it, making her moan softly.

By the time we're finished and satisfied, I'm getting off of her with deep breaths, the both of us gasping for air, covered in sweat--even our hair.

We don't hear Skylar down the hall which is a good sign that she's still asleep.

It's weird having a baby in the house. I know it's temporary, until Vince and Sharise get back from their little Florida getaway, but it's odd taking care of someone else aside from Vivian.

I wonder what it would be like if Viv would've actually been pregnant when we got married like she thought she was.

We'd have a two year old by now.

How fucking bizarre would that be raising a kid in this life at the moment.

Sure, Vince is doing it, but that's because Sharise is solid as a fucking rock.

I'd take a bullet for Vivian--fucking die for her--but she's not solid like that, not right now, at least. She used to be.

I mean she's still sober as shit but sobriety doesn't help much when you're wired even though you don't have a drop of anything in your system.

Look at me, like I'm one to be talking about dependability.

I look over at her, she's passed out, damp red hair across her pillow, covers pulled over her shoulder…

I reach over and run my fingertips across her cheek, the palm of my hand moving up to smooth over her hair as rays of sun start to filter through the small parting in the blackout curtains.

I'd love to have a kid in a couple years--maybe even within the next year--it just depends on the band, whether we're where we need to be by then or not...whether me and Viv are where we need to be or not, too.

Which as of right now, we're great.

We're more than great.

We haven't argued in two weeks.

Two fucking weeks.

Who the hell goes that long without arguing? Certainly not us, but here we are.

We weren't fighting as much because we were having sex like bunnies. I'm talking at least twice a day--Twice. A. Day. For two and a half weeks.

Looking back, I know it's because she was in the wake of a miscarriage, I was in the wake of Vince and Razzle's tragedy, we were both craving a quick fix and I guess sex is how we were illusioned into believing we were healing.

In reality we obviously weren't solving anything, just brushing it under the rug, but it was honestly the happiest I had been with her for our marriage.

It was peaceful. We weren't at each other's throats. We weren't at war. We looked forward to seeing each other and spending time with each other, and it was the closest we got to being how we were when we were just dating...so that, for me at that time, was the happiest I remember us being.

The next day I'm taking my enveloped and stamped letter down to the mailbox in the hall near the recreation room, passing by Amber on my way, seeing her nod at me in acknowledgment before I'm halting myself and coming back to see her.

"Hey, Doc, I need a word." I tell her.

"Can it wait, Mr. Sixx, I'm running late for a meeting?"

"I wanna know why having sex with my wife is a bad thing?" I ask, and she stops and looks at me.

"It's not. Nobody said it was." She tells me.

"You told me it might jeopardize our progress if we move too fast."

"Because it very well could. You both have co-dependence intertwined in your sex lives." She explains.

"Well, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the last couple sessions but my wife has needs right now. And not having sex with her right now is jeopardizing our progress because she thinks something's wrong with her."

"But you've told me, and her, you don't desire her because she's currently carrying another man's child."

"I've been thinking about it and I told her I'd work this out with her and how I've acted towards her is kinda contradictory to that." I admit. "And I can't go home and screw her into next week because you've got me paranoid about messing things up, now."

"Have you told her my opinion on sex in your relationship as of now?"

"No."

"Well, then, tell her about it and I'll take the blame for it."

"I don't want you to take the blame for anything, I want you to 'ok' me banging my wife."

"If you want to, 'bang,' your wife, then you can do that. There's not a law in the universe barring you from getting intimate with her."

"Sure as shit feels like it." I argue.

"Tell you what, you talk to her about it--tell her my opinion--and we'll touch on it in the next session." She suggests.

"Pun intended?" I ask and she furrows her brows, looking unamused.

"...Okay, nevermind." I mumble.

"I'll see you Friday for your session with the boys, have a good day." She tells me, giving me a nod before walking away.

I just shake my head a little, irritated, and drop my letter in the mail box, heading to the payphone to try to call Vivian.

"Hello?" She answers on the second ring and I clear my throat.

"H-Hey, it's me," I say, and she's quiet for a moment.

"Hey," she finally answers and I let out a breath of relief.

"Do you wanna visit tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something." I tell her.

"Is this where you tell me you're filing for a divorce afterall?" She asks and I rub my lips together.

"No, Viv, it's not. It's about our sex thing." I struggle trying to define it.

"Can we even have a sex thing if we aren't even having sex?"

"Ha. Ha. Smartass." I state. "Seriously, you wanna come?"

"More than you know." She replies and I can't help but laugh.

"Pun not intended." She adds. "I'll be there around nine o'clock, if that's okay? I have another appointment to check on the baby since the surgery and then I'm gonna try to go shopping for some decently healthy things because I'm gaining too much weight at the moment."

"You're pregnant--that's your excuse to eat whatever the fuck you want, when you want it, isn't? Like a chick liberation thing or something."

"I'm eating too much junk, I don't want to pop out a fifteen pound baby. My pussy will rip to my ass." She says and I get a horrifying image. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Nikki, I gotta go."

"Alright, see you then. Bye, baby."

"Bye." She replies softly before hanging up.

I pick at the inside of my lip with my teeth, another thought coming to mind...and my eyes shift to my pinky ring on my right hand...the same one I'd proposed to Vivian with back in '83.

#gateway drug #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction

27 notes · View notes

cakesunflower · 4 years

Text

Who’s Gonna Love You Like Me? [Brother’s Best Friend!Calum AU] Part 3

A/N: A HUUUUUUUGE thank you to @ohhoneyofmine for literally co-writing a big chunk of this chapter. It really couldn’t have been done without her🥺

Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2

An important note about this part: This whole chapter is a flashback scene, in which you finally found out what went down between Calum and Josie that was being referenced in the previous parts. So remember: this whole thing is a flashback and takes place about 2-3 months prior to the real time story!! Next part jumps back into present time!

Josie saw him the moment he entered the diner, standing tall in the doorway of the mom-and-pop located a few minutes off campus she frequented with her friends. Although she recognized his favorite leather jacket and rings glimmering under the lights, it took Josie a second to recognize him—what with the fact that his hair had grown out since she last saw him, and that he was practically dead on social media. Her jaw dropped in obvious surprise, absently raising her hand to get his attention, which she earned right away as his eyes landed on her from behind his sunglasses and he made his way over.

A startled laugh escaped Josie as Calum neared her, getting up and mirroring his grin as he opened his arms to pull her in for a hug. “Hi,” she greeted through her smile, chin resting on his shoulder as she felt his arms wrap around her waist. A familiar, fresh and woodsy scent tickled her nose over the smell of French fries and burgers, closing her eyes briefly as she took in the feel of Calum. Familiar and comforting. “When the hell did your hair get so long?”

She heard him chuckle, the sound deep and warm, as they pulled away. He took off his sunglasses, revealing dark brown eyes alight with amusement, as he settled on the chair across from her. Josie was raising her eyebrows at him in incredulity, gaze tilted upwards at the dark curls that sat artistically tussled atop his head. Last she saw him in person, his hair was somewhat shorter and straighter, a bit of a one-eighty to what it was now. Still unfairly attractive, though, no doubt about it.

“Wanted to change things up a bit, let it grow out,” Calum told her with a shrug, smile still present as he hung his sunglasses from the neckline of his shirt. He ran his fingers through the curls, raising an eyebrow as his full lips puckered into a pout. “You really don’t like it?”

Josie shot him a look, his pout splitting into a grin as she picked up the menu. “I like it,” she told him with a roll of her eyes. “Curls suit you.”

Calum’s features set into an endeared smile. “Thanks, Jos.”

She smiled before snickering as she picked up the menu. “Thank God you grew out of that emo haircut phase. The fringe was horrendous.”

A huff of laughter escaped him, shaking his head in fond amusement. “Fucking hell.” It only made Josie’s smile wider.

The two of them ordered their drinks and food, and as they waited, Josie watched as Calum folded his arms on top of the square table, dark eyes wandering around as he took in his surroundings. It was one of Josie’s favorite places to come, with their red booths and stools at the long counter, a window looking into the kitchen where the cooks bustled with activity. The blinds for the windows were pulled all the way up, allowing for the early afternoon sunlight to brighten up the place, black and white checkered floors sleek and classic movie posters framed on the walls.

“It’s a nice place,” Calum commented after the waitress dropped off their drinks, and Josie felt herself smiling at his approval as his dark eyes met her blue. She mirrored his position, arms folding on top. “D’you come here a lot?”

“Mhm,” Josie nodded, her own gaze briefly wandering as if she as here for the first time. “It’s nearby and the food’s great, so we come here a lot.”

With a quirk of his eyebrow, Calum brought his glass towards him, guiding the straw towards his mouth as he asked, “We as in you and Austin?” before taking a sip.

Josie felt herself tense in her chair, muscles tightening and fingers digging into her arms. The smile fell from her face, chin lowering in a feeble attempt of hiding her sudden change in demeanor. She didn’t want to think about Austin, or acknowledge the general thoughts of her being completely alone and the small hole he had left. Three months, generally speaking, wasn’t too long to be with someone. And yet at the end of it, there was a pain that still existed and settled heavily in Josie’s heart.

She rolled her lips into her mouth, leaning back in the chair as she took in a breath, willing herself to bring the smile back onto her face before Calum noticed. Of course, that was easier said than done, given that she was sitting across from one of the most observant people she knew. And the second the smile had disappeared from her face, his eyebrows drew together as he sat up, eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at her curiously.

“Hey, what?” Calum asked, and she recognized the concern swimming in his eyes. It was comforting.

Josie let out a small laugh. “Nothing, nothing,” she said with a shake of her head, offering a shrug. She dropped her gaze to her glass of Pepsi as she dragged it closer to herself. “Austin and I broke up, so, y’know—not coming here with him anymore,” she explained with a smile that attempted to mask the ache of her recent break up.

Calum’s frown eased in realization, taking a breath as he licked his lips. Sympathy softened his features as he said, “I’m sorry, Jos.”

“It’s fine,” she quickly assured with a shake of her head. And it was. Though her heart hurt, Josie knew, selfishly, it wasn’t because of losing Austin. It was more so the loss of the companionship she had within that relationship. Someone to care for who cared about her. Already she missed the tranquility of holding someone’s hand, the sensation of butterflies fluttering in her stomach at the thought of going on a date just to enjoy each other’s company. Was it wrong that Josie missed all of those things with someone? Not Austin, specifically. Just missed the idea of those concepts. Not that anyone could blame her; her relationship with Austin had quickly devolved, ultimately leading to the break up. “Really. We just—we weren’t working, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Calum sounded. Like he agreed. Like he knew exactly what she was talking about. And maybe he did. He knew her well enough. He lifted his chin, eyes on hers. “You’re better off without him, pretty girl.”

Josie raised her eyebrows, stirring her drink with the straw. The warmth of his eyes was inviting, as always, brown eyes a velvet and deep and so easy to get lost in. She felt the breath catch in her throat, the endearing term easily slipping past his lips without a thought. Nicknames weren’t new. He’d called her sweet things before. And they never had her momentarily freezing before. She focused on rest of his statement, not just the two words that demanded her acknowledgment. “You sound so sure about that,” she murmured. Josie desperately wanted to believe Calum’s words, not wanting to give him the impression of just how disappointed she was. It wasn’t that she was codependent on being with someone to be happy. It was just nice being in a relationship. Until it went to shit, of course. It was the same thing, over and over again. She was getting tired of it.

“Because I know,” Calum said, his words firm and true as he raised his eyebrows at her adamantly. He was trying to get his point across, trying to get her to see that it would be okay. Josie knew it would be—but the reassurance from Calum was welcoming and sweet. It had her heart skipping a beat, a notion she found herself a bit frightened to acknowledge. “You don’t need him.”

She sighed, shoulders slumping. “I know I don’t,” she agreed with a nod. When her gaze met Calum’s once more, noting the way he was watching her with concern and reassurance, she took a breath and forced herself to snap out of this ridiculous funk. Sitting across from Calum and complaining about her failed relationship was not something on her agenda, especially given that there was nothing specifically about that certain relationship to even miss. She wasn’t going to waste both of their time, sitting in her favorite restaurant, bemoaning about something she’ll probably get over, anyway.

“So, anyway,” Josie continued, offering a real smile as she pushed all thoughts of Austin out of her mind, laughing lightly when Calum blinked at her sudden change in demeanor, smiling in amusement. “A bunch of my friends are coming to my dorm later tonight to drink and hang out. You should come, if you don’t have any plans.”

Calum chuckled, a half smile on his face. “Oh, yeah; a twenty-five year old hanging out with college seniors. That’s totally not weird.”

“It’s not!” Josie laughed, arms once again folding on top of the table. Calum was only a couple of years older than her twenty-two year old self, and they’d known each other a long time. Since they were kids. Him being in her dorm room to hang out with her and her friends wasn’t weird. It almost was a reminder of when they were younger and she’d tag along with him, her brother and the rest of the boys. Now that he was in Davis, visiting his dad like he did often after his parents split and attending the wedding of some cousin of his father’s, Josie wanted to switch it up and have him join her and her friends. “Come on, it’ll be totally chill. We’ll drink and play drunk UNO and Jenga—real college fun,” she encouraged, unable to keep the giggle from falling past her lips as she spoke.

Amusement danced in his features, dark eyes watching her with a kind of fondness that had her own smile softening. Josie was increasingly becoming aware of her heart picking up its pace under Calum’s stare, trying hard not to distract herself with wondering thoughts of since when was Calum capable of making her feel like that. Since when had the sight of his smile tickle her stomach, and since when did his raspy laugh rob her of her breath? She almost wanted to retract her offer of him joining her and her friends, in that moment, because feeling those tiny prickles of excitement in the presence of her brother’s best friend was not fucking good.

“Alright, yeah, I’m down,” Calum shrugged, the grin once again playing across his face as the waitress arrived with their food. Nodding at Josie, he said, “I’ll come by around eight, is that good?”

A lump had taken form in Josie’s throat, an effect of her sudden acknowledgment of the flutter of her stomach at the sight of his smile. Still, she returned it, felt it freeze a bit in place as Calum broke their gaze to say his thanks to the waitress. Josie looked down at her food, inhaling sharply, softly, through her nose. Fuck.

Hours later, Josie kept glancing his way every so often, looking across the comfortable sized space of her dorm room at the man who stood by the window, talking to one of her friends. It was odd, seeing Calum in her dorm room, mingling with her friends as he drank out of a red solo cup. The main lights of the room were off, the glow of the blue and pink fairy lights she had on around making for a purple hue in the room filled with about fifteen or so people. All friends of hers, all people she enjoyed the company of.

Except right now, her attention was on her brother’s best friend, the conversations going on around her drowned by the music playing through her portable speaker. She told herself it was because she wanted to make sure he was alright; Josie was aware Calum hadn’t meant anything by it when he joked about being a twenty-five year old with all her friends. When the tables were turned, he never made her feel like she was too young to be hanging out with them when she was a sixteen year old hanging out with her nineteen year old brother and his friends; her company was always welcomed. There were some jokes, some playful teasing about her being “Luke’s little sister”, but it was always retorted with her own childish “Luke’s dumb friends”.

So she found herself making sure he was good, enjoying his time, relieved when his quiet nature went into hiding as he willingly engaged in playing cards and Jenga with them. Josie sat on the spare bed in her room—her fall semester roommate moved out, so Josie had the entire room to herself—feeling light in her head with a cup full of Hennessy and Coke as she chatted with her friend Beth. It wasn’t until her phone vibrating in the back pocket of her shorts caught her attention, and she smiled happily to see that Luke was FaceTiming her.

“Hi, Luke!” Josie grinned, wishing she could wave at the screen without spilling her drink.

Her brother returned the smile, sitting in his room where the light was a lot brighter than in her dorm of pink and blue. “Hey,” Luke laughed, recognizing the tipsy smile on her face. “You feeling good, Jos?” he asked, the knowing turn bordering on teasing.

“So good,” she returned with a scoff. Her gaze flickered up towards where her bed was across the room, on her feet as she asked Luke, “Wanna talk to Cal?”

She heard Luke laugh out a “sure”, the sound drowned out by the music and lively chatter of her room as Josie made her way over to where Calum stood. He was in the middle of talking to Kevin, one of her friends, as she walked over while sipping her drink before announcing, “Luke wants to say hi.”

Calum raised his eyebrows as Josie came to stand next to him, his right arm draping around her shoulders casually as he leaned down a little to fit into the frame thanks to her shorter stature. “Hey, man,” Calum greeted with a grin, throwing up a peace sign with a free hand.

“Hey,” Luke replied with a smile. “You two drunk yet?”

Josie’s grin widened, leaning into Calum, his warmth welcoming in her cold dorm room, his cologne one she was so familiar with and couldn’t seem to get enough of. Not tonight, at least. “Getting there,” she replied easily before she and Calum, smiles on their faces, tapped their cups together and took sips for Luke to watch.

He laughed, shaking his head in amusement. “Jesus Christ,” he said under his breath before lifting his chin. “Take care of my sister, will you, Cal?”

A breath escaped Josie at hearing Luke’s words, feeling a prick of an annoyance as she bit the inside of her cheek. She didn’t need to be taken care of, didn’t need to be treated as such. And—this may be the alcohol talking—she didn’t need Calum to be reminded of the fact that she was his best friend’s little sister. Not that she thought he’d ever forget. He would remember, just as she would remember that he was her brother’s best friend. Both highly aware of the relationship they already had, hoping it would be enough to remind them of their boundaries.

“You know I will.” Calum’s laugh pulled Josie out of her thoughts, especially when he gave her a squeeze, still holding her close. From the little frame where she could see both herself and Calum, Josie watched and felt Calum lean his head against hers. The smell of his cologne was overwhelming in the best ways, a wave of mint and fresh wood that was stupidly enticing. His hand was burning into her skin where it laid on her shoulder, arm resting across her collarbone to press her back against his chest. Luke thought nothing of it. Neither did Calum—not the way Josie did. “She’s in good hands.”

Yeah, she totally felt like it, too. Wondered if he felt the quickening beat of her heart from under his hold.

“Alright,” Luke laughed, free hand running through his blonde curls. Josie had always been jealous of her brother’s hair, since her own blonde locks fell limp around her shoulders. Well, at least it used to—she’s learned how to take care of it. With a pointed raise of his eyebrows, he said to the two of them, “Make good choices.”

When the dorm room had cleared out hours later, Josie laid in her bed and rested an arm over her eyes, the quietness that settled disturbed only by a shuffling going around in her room. “Come on—you’re not drunk enough not to help clean up,” came Calum’s voice, a huff of laughter escaping him.

Josie’s face scrunched up, reluctantly pushing herself into a sitting position. He was kind enough to start the clean up process, gathering all the cups, draining the ones that still had drinks in them in the sink. Standing by the sink that was available in the room, the bathroom behind the door next to it, Calum was shooting Josie a pointed look, consisting of a raised eyebrow and tilt of his head.

He was right—she wasn’t drunk enough not to help, only faintly tasting the Fireball she had stupidly decide to drink earlier. There had been a point in the night where she was pretty damn tipsy, hoping the alcohol coursing through her system would numb her to the incriminating thoughts about Calum that were swimming in her head. They’d slammed into her out of nowhere, and now that they were there, Josie wasn’t sure how to get rid of them. She didn’t want to dig into them; Calum was attractive, there was no fucking doubt about it. But they’ve known each other since she was eight and he was eleven, had grown up together, had seen each other through highs and lows because of how close they were. There’d come a point where it was established that Calum—as well as Ashton and Michael—weren’t just Luke’s friends, they were Josie’s too.

So why the fuck did Josie have to ruin a lifetime long friendship with the threat of something as unstable as attraction?

“I’ll just do it tomorrow,” Josie waved off with a groan, legs outstretched in front of her, hands gripping her knees.

Calum’s expression fell flat. “You mean you’ll cry about it tomorrow,” he shot back, his words inviting an indignant pout to pucker at Josie’s lips. He was right, of course, and the smug look on his face told her he knew that. When Josie remained on her bed, her stubbornness winning out, Calum rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and scoffed before making his way over to her. Josie bit her tongue as he walked over to her, unable to tear her gaze away from his approaching figure. He looked a bit too good in that damned leather jacket, hugging his broad shoulders and curling around his biceps perfectly. Josie may have sobered up, but the mere sight of him was really freaking intoxicating.

He stood over her, prompting Josie to tilt her head back to look up at him, hoping her throat wasn’t working too obvious as he smirked down at her, curls brushing across his forehead. “Come on,” Calum encouraged, his hands grasping hers. Warmth burst across her skin as Calum used his grip on her to pull her out of the bed, laughing as Josie groaned in faux annoyance. She really didn’t want him to let go of her. “We can get this sorted fast if you help.”

“Don’t you wanna, I don’t know, go to sleep?” Josie grunted, lips twisting to the side when Calum dropped his hands from hers to go over to the spare dresser that was decorated with several varying bottles of alcohol, some empty and some still containing the drink. “I’m sure your dad wants you home.”

Calum snorted, grabbing the half full bottle of vodka and putting it in Josie’s mini fridge. He straightened, shooting her a look. “It’s nearly three A.M.,” he pointed out with a glance at the digital clock on the microwave. “He’s long since passed out.” With a tilt of his head, Calum walked over to where Josie was draining a cup of the mixed drink her friend Christine had made. Calum was right next to her, leaning his left side against the wall as he watched her. “Tryna get rid of me, Jos?”

She scoffed, watching the red liquid swirl down the drain, unaware of the words as they fell past her lips under her breath. “Trying to stay sane.”

“What was that?”

Josie froze where she stood, her eyes widening as she kept her gaze down on the sink. Alright, what she said wasn’t too bad. There was still hope for recovery. “Nothing,” she hummed, needing to clear her throat as she moved around him to dump the cups in the trash. Please let it go.

“Why wouldn’t you be sane?”

Josie bit down on her lower lip as she dropped the cups in the trash, exhaling sharply through her nose when she heard the subtle yet confused chuckle that Calum spoke with. “Oh, you know. College.” It was a lame answer, sounding so even to her own ears, trying not to grimace as she leaned her lower back against her desk, hands clasped in front of her as she tried to not-so-subtly avoid his gaze. “Shit drives me crazy.”

“Uh-huh.” He was nowhere near convinced; Josie could hear it in the unimpressed tone of his voice and the way he clicked his tongue after, acutely aware of him approaching her. He stopped just a foot or so in front of her, body towering of hers, and suddenly her purple painted toes were the most interesting things in the world. “Wanna try that again?”

Fuck’s sake, not really. She couldn’t elaborate, couldn’t tell him the truth. She couldn’t possibly voice a single thought that was currently running through her head—that had been running through her head since they had lunch earlier today. How pathetic was it that what was supposed to be an innocent lunch with a friend suddenly had her looking at him in a completely different light? God, if she looked back at it, she wouldn’t even be able to pinpoint the exact moment it happened. It just did. And now she was stuck with Calum staring down at her with those intense brown eyes that could make a grown man sweat.

Josie’s throat closed up, a ball of hesitation, fear and nerves settling right in the middle of it as she dropped her gaze. His black Docs were starting to get scuffed from how much wear he was getting out of them, streaks of black on the toes of the black material. No. She couldn’t admit to it. She couldn’t be selfish and self destructive and ruin a friendship because, why? Her loneliness over being single had her looking at him in a new light? No, she’d get over it. This was her brother’s best friend. There was a line, had been there since the day they met, and Josie couldn’t cross it.

So she lifted her gaze, forcing her blue eyes to meet his brown, ignoring the expectant look he wore as she said quietly, “You should go home, Calum.”

His expression fell, transforming into one of confusion and concern, head straightening as he quickly realized something was definitely up as his lips tilted downwards, too. Suddenly, Josie was wishing the music was still playing to disturb the heavy silence. “What’s going on, Jos?” She rolled her lower lip into her mouth, biting down on it as she turned her head to the right, gazing out the window on the other side. The world was seemingly asleep. The frustration was seeping into his tone as he took a step towards her, his familiar cologne just barely wafting towards her. “Why can’t you look at me?”

She heard the hurt underlying his exasperated tone, and Josie never wanted to make him feel at fault. This was all on her. It was all on her and her stupid head and stupid heart. She almost felt like an idiot, a cliche as she acknowledged the pitiful notion of being attracted to one of her brother’s best friends. She’d basically grown up with Calum—why was this slapping her in the face now?

Josie crossed her arms over her chest, toes tensing as they clawed at the cold floor. Her throat was working, nerves forming a lump in it as Calum’s gaze only flushed her skin. The words were dancing on the tip of her tongue, the faint taste of Fireball still linger as her head desperately told her to not let them slip because the consequences would be embarrassing, would change things. She never even stared in the direction of the line that was established, and now she was so close to leaping over it.

“’Cause if I do, I’m gonna say something that I’ll regret. And that’s what’s driving me insane,” Josie told him, her voice faltering into a whisper at the end, already guilt ridden.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know you can.” His encouraging voice, soft and smooth, only pushed her forward, begged for her to confess the thought that took up residence in her mind without her permission. She couldn’t tell Calum the truth. She couldn’t possibly do that.

Until she did.

“Pretty sure I can’t tell you how badly I want you to kiss me.”

There. The words were out. Unwise and unable to be taken back, and Josie kept her gaze firmly on the floor as she waited for it to crumble beneath her. Josie wasn’t sure what was worse; waiting for Calum’s response, or the stilling silence that made the buzz of the room’s air conditioner deafening. The guilt had her heart pounding, and the nerves of waiting for Calum’s response wasn’t helping it slow down.

Selfish. She was so damn selfish for uttering those words, for acting on some feelings that only made themselves known earlier in the day. What the fuck had she been thinking? Was she really incapable of ignoring whatever she was feeling for the time Calum was in town? Could she not have kept it to herself instead of risking her friendship with him? Keeping her mouth shut about what was just a physical attraction shouldn’t have been so difficult—it wasn’t worth putting both of them in such a compromising position.

Fuck. Being single really fucked with her, didn’t it?

Josie squeezed her eyes shut with a shake of her head when several seconds passerby without a word from him. “Shit, shit—I’m sorry.” She spoke quickly, desperately, never once lifting her gaze as she pushed herself away from the desk. Her face felt like it was on fire, the mortification sending her heart to her throat as she reached the door of the dorm. “Like I said—you should—you should go, Calum.”

She was trying to save herself any further embarrassment, though she wasn’t sure that was even possible at this point. Once those words had left her mouth, nothing could take them or the implication back. They were out, available for Calum to do with them how he pleased. Josie definitely fucked up major and all for what? Suddenly acknowledging how he was the hottest guy in the room? Pathetic. Really. If she had a dollar for every time her heart made a dumb, executive decision that would only hurt her in the end, she’d probably be a millionaire by now.

Or, well, have a couple of thousand bucks.

Josie lifted her gaze enough to see Calum slowly turn to look at her, eyebrows knitting together as he stared at her. Her words were still registering in his head while she was trying to forget them, unable to meet his brown eyes as she gripped the door handle tightly behind her. She really wished she was drunk and hadn’t sobered up so quickly; ironic, that Luke was the lightweight out of the two of them. She’d never been jealous of him more than in this moment.

Fuck. Luke. She was a terrible sister.

“No.” Josie’s breath hitched in her throat at the single utterance from Calum, blue eyes flashing to meet dark brown as he slowly made his way over to her. His eyebrows were still lowered as he looked down at her, closing the distance between them as she looked up at him with slightly widened, nervous eyes. She saw the way his throat worked, a tension in his features as he battled something within himself, seen in the way his forehead was creased and eyebrows furrowed in a silent debate. Calum’s voice was low, almost hoarse, as he said, “Say it again.”

For a moment, Josie wanted to believe that he was fucking with her, in which she would stupidly repeat her statement of telling him to go as a way of pretending that that’s what he meant when they both knew it wasn’t. Behind her, Josie’s hand curled around the doorknob tightly—not because she was eager to twist it and get him to leave, but because she desperately needed something to ground her in the face of Calum’s gaze making her heart leap right out of her chest.

But she looked at him, aware of the slight tension in his forehead, the sharp line of his jaw, and the unwavering stare he pinned her down with. And she couldn’t say no, couldn’t turn away from him. He looked at her and the words were spilling out of her mouth, once again without her control. “I want you to kiss me.”

It was a whispered repetition, ringing in her ears in the quiet of her room. But Calum heard her clearly, heard exactly what he thought he’d heard the first time. It was why she was unable to look away from his weighted gaze as he started towards her. His steps were sauntered, yet she was having trouble using that time to collect her jumbling thoughts. It didn’t help that his features were masked with a sheet of neutrality and her heart sounded like a war drum in battle. Her eyes widened slightly when Calum stopped right in front of her, leaving little to no room in between them. Expecting the worst, she drew a breath to say anything that would get her out of the awkward situation she had managed to put herself in. . . But her breath never left her chest. In the second it had taken her to pull air from her lungs, Calum was already leaning in.

At first, the only thing Josie could do was blink, unaware of how to process what was happening, but it didn’t take much time for her to sigh into the kiss her best friend was giving her. Friend. Best friend.

God, she was actually kissing him— he was kissing her.

Calum kissed her with a gentleness she didn’t know he possessed, and the softness of his touch made her knees buckle. Why did he have such an effect on her?

She thought it was a dream at first. A tipsy, romantic dream that manifested and became a product of her loneliness and heartbreak. A hopeless dream that made her stomach flip and cheeks burn—one where she was kissed how she wanted to be kissed, and touched how she wanted to be touched. Though, she knew it wasn’t a dream when his hands let go of hers and shifted up to the side of her ribs. He pulled her closer to him, eliminating all possible space between them. Josie found her own hands traveling up the curve of his shoulders, reveling in the hard muscle beneath the soft fabric of his shirt, and let her fingers lace in his thick hair. Allowed herself to tug his dark curls gently and smile into the kiss as he let out a faint sound of pleasure.

His warm hands against her body sent shivers down her spine, making her want to moan in gratitude. She missed this. Well, she had wanted to miss this with her previous relationship. Physical touch, soft and gentle and voluntary. The electrifying knowledge of being wanted.

With his lips on hers, the room seemed to fade into the distance as the feeling of something she could only describe as stars danced on her flushed skin. The diluted taste of Fireball on his tongue to hers made her mind grow fuzzy with lust and nerve-wracking anticipation. Never in her life had she gotten so lost in a kiss before. The kind of lost that didn’t make her question the route she had taken, or where it would lead her.

Pressed up against his warm chest, her heart thundering in her own—nearly exploding with the jittery feeling of being kissed by someone she felt safe with—she couldn’t bring herself to think about anything but him.

Him.

They finally broke apart, but only pulled far enough away to look each other. She noticed his swollen lips first, then let her eyes travel to where her fingers were in his tussled hair. He had been doing the same; his eyes focusing on her now-plump lips, smirking at the effect he clearly had on her.

His hands were still curled around the sides of her ribs as she cleared her throat. “Uh. . . I didn’t expect the night to end like this.” Heat rose in her cheeks as she finally registered what she had just experienced with, who was supposed to be, off limits.

That’s what made the kiss even more tempting.

He raised a finger to brush away a strand of her hair that had fallen, then said with a tone she wasn’t sure she could describe, “I thought you wanted to kiss me?” There was a slight furrow of confusion in his brow, but mixed with the Fireball they had been drinking all night his actions seemed slower, yet relaxed—comfortable.

“Yeah. . .” She let herself admit, letting go of the curls that she had kept locked in between her fingers and slid her hands down to his shoulders. “But I don’t think friends are supposed to kiss each other like that? What about my bro–“

“Did you not like my kiss?” he asked, an undertone of concern in his inquiring words.

She nodded. How could she not melt under his warm touch?

“D’you want me to kiss you again?” His voice was near guttural as he stared at her with such intensity that it made her cheeks flush.

With a small, yet confident smile, Josie nodded; and then she found her eyes closing with the feeling of his lips on hers again. But, unlike the last kiss that was patient and gentle, this kiss was so much more. A near lifetime long friendship had broken through established boundaries, unable to turn back from what they’d done already, not at all willing to consider the trust that had been broken the second that first kiss had occurred. It was selfish of them, to get so lost in the warmth of the other, to lose their grips on reality as the taste of the other’s lips dizzied them into uncharted waters. But how could they possibly care? How could they care, when they were kissing lips that stole every bit of air from their lungs and had their body coming to life in a way that left them wondering if they’d truly lived before that moment?

Kissing Calum. . . It was new, but it was so achingly familiar. And it fucked Josie up, because of course she’d never kissed him until now. Yet the second his full lips met hers, all she could think of was how she’d been missing out on this for so long.

This kiss was filled with passion and hunger and something else that practically made her melt against him. She moaned into the kiss as his hands traveled down her ribs, to her lower back, and without breaking the kiss he hooked his hands behind her thighs and hoisted her up with ease. Her legs instantly wrapped around his waist, her fingers tugging at the small curls at the nape of his neck as he started walking towards the bed.

Between their heated kiss, tongues dancing and stars swirling in her head, Calum groaned. Not from her, but from bumping into the corner of the bed. She laughed against his mouth and in return he pinched her thigh, making a squeak escape her throat.

“Not funny,” he breathed before locking onto her lips again. The warmth of his large hands holding her up by her thighs made her stomach flip. He made her feel feather-light; something her past lover failed to do.

Calum waited until his knees hit the edge of the mattress to let himself fall back onto the creaking bed. Sitting down, Josie unhooked her legs from his torso and straddled him. His hands wandered her entire backside until his fingers found the hem of her cotton shirt and started lifting up. She obliged, too focused on the way he tasted to care about any consequences that would befall her in the future. He didn’t waste any time stripping her of her shirt, and she didn’t either as she took off his.

He was magnificent. Josie ran her hand down his toned body, admiring his golden skin marked with black ink and the defined muscles underneath. She couldn’t help but pull her lip into her mouth to stop herself letting out an animalistic noise. Noticing her adoration, Calum smirked and flipped them over, enticing the metal frame of the extra long twin sized bed to creak under their weight.

Calum chuckled against her lips, “This bed’s too fuckin’ small.”

Josie’s own breathless laugh sounded against his mouth and as Calum nipped at her lower lip, she inquired, “Wanna join the beds?”

His fingers danced along the bare skin of her sides, deliberately brushing his scruff against her jaw as his lips followed with kisses. “Adorable that you think I’d put a pause on this for even a second.”

His towering figure covered her small one as his lips traveled down her cheek, to her jaw, to the base of her throat and this time she did make a small noise. Her fingers gripped his biceps as she allowed herself to enjoy the sensation of being kissed everywhere. She let herself enjoy being kissed by her brother’s best friend.

Holy shit. She was letting her brother’s best friend kiss her.

“Wait,” She hummed, voice too thick with lust. He had looked up from where he had been attacking the curve where her shoulder met her neck.

“Hmm.”

She looked at him, eyes slightly wide and chest heaving from the adrenaline she wasn’t used to having when being intimate. “Don’t you think. . . Don’t you think this is a bad idea?” she asked, a nervous tinge in her tone.

Calum sighed and lifted himself up so he could face her directly. “Do you want this?” he asked genuinely. “We can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”

The sincerity in his tone and the softness in his expression made her emotional. He cared about her, she realized. He cared enough to give a shit about what she thought and how she felt.

Her hand rose to cup the side of his face. “No,” Josie smiled at him. “Kiss me.”

And he did. He kissed her everywhere.

His lips attacked the base of her throat to the point where she hissed and tugged on his hair. His heated kisses traveled from the neck to the her collarbones, to the valley between her breasts. God, did she feel like she was in heaven.

She flexed at the contact of a wet kiss on her torso that slowly traveled down, down, down until—

Calum stopped and she wanted to bite back a curse. Instead, she caught his eyes looking at her own, a silent request. Confirmation that she wanted this. She nodded gently and let his fingers make quick work of the buttons of her shorts before latching onto the waistband, inching them down agonizingly slow as he continued to the long trail of kisses down to her naval.

Josie felt—and heard—him chuckle against her skin as he slowly rid her of her shorts, and the amusement colored her own tone as she asked, “What?”

Her own fingers were playing with his curls, lightly coiling a thick strand around her index finger as she felt his lips trail along the thin band of her underwear. He looked up at her from where he was, dark eyes glimmering playfully. “Didn’t you used to hate lace?”

Josie rolled her smiling lips into her mouth as she tilted her head back, shutting her eyes as a short laugh escaped her. Memories of her constantly scowling and scratching herself whenever her mom put her in an outfit consisting of lace flooded her mind, and Josie pressed one hand to her forehead as she heard his hoarse, airy chuckle. His warm breath ghosted over her skin, sending a chill down her spine that only fueled her need for wanting him impossibly closer.

“What can I say?” Josie breathed out through the smile she couldn’t fight off, through the thundering of her heart. “I grew up.”

It was that smirk on his lips that had the damned butterflies in her stomach in a frenzy, a wickedly boyish curve of his mouth as his voice offered a gravelly whisper, “No doubt ’bout it.”

She didn’t know when he had slipped off her shorts and panties, too focused on the weight of his lips on her body and the heat pooling in her core. All she knew was the sharp gasp that fell off her lips as his tongue latched onto her heat, and lapped up physical evidence of what he had been doing to her. One hand intertwined into his hair, tugging the thick curls, and the other hand shooting up to grip the headboard behind her as he swirled her bud in his mouth and sucked until her legs began to shake.

Her face scrunched up at the familiar tightness in her belly as he wrapped his hands around her thighs to keep her from escaping the exceeding pleasure he was giving her. Josie’s grip on the headboard loosened as she fought to keep her loud moan from coming out, but that was became impossible when he started doing that thing with his tongue and—

A whiny groan escaped her lips as the knot in her lower belly finally released.

He didn’t let go of her bent legs, and a part of her was thankful because she knew her legs were still shaking violently from the edge he had pushed her over.

“Fuck,” she whimpered.

Calum didn’t say anything, just cleaned up the mess she had made, by his doing, and pressed a kiss to each thigh. She thought that would he the end of their short adventure with exploring what it felt like to eat the forbidden fruit.

Boy, was the she wrong.

She could only watch with her bottom lip tucked into her mouth as he pulled away from her and started to unbuckle his belt. Her eyes widened with surprise, and lust as he tossed both jeans and boxers in a random direction.

It took everything in her not to bite down on her fist at the sight of him. Was she making the biggest mistake of her life? Possibly. Did she care? Absolutely not.

Her eyes wandered over his naked frame, finally meeting his eyes that were dancing with playfulness and genuinity. She let out a sigh when his his fingertips slid up her naval to her chest.

“Beautiful,” he seemed to whisper to himself, as if he was an archaeologist discovering rare piece of treasure.

“You’re not to bad yourself,” she smiled at him, eyes heavy with exhaustion from her orgasm. But it was foolish of her to think they were anywhere close to being done.

Calum chuckled, the sound calm and smooth as it rolled off his tongue. He kissed her once. Twice. The taste of herself on his tongue made her stomach tighten. His hand went in between their pressed bodies as he lined himself up to her entrance and watched her closely as he slowly slid in.

A muffled sound came from both of them once he was in her fully— and by the word, did he fill her up completely. There wasn’t an inch of space where he hadn’t reached.

“You good?” he asked with a breathy moan, sliding back out of her only to slide back in.

She could only nod, too dizzy with the feel of him inside her, nails digging into his back that only spurred Calum on.

He quickened his pace after giving her a few moments to adjust, and she thought her lips would bleed by the force of her trying to keep her screams at bay.

Noticing this, Calum gripped the base of her throat. Not in a rough way, but with enough pressure to make sure she knew who was in charge. “Hey,” he said as he pounded into her. “Let me hear you.” A simple demand from the man had her letting go again, moaning loudly as she climaxed for the second time—but he kept going.

The constant pressure of his cock being pushed inside her, hitting the exact spot she needed him the most, his fingers gently massaging her clit making it impossible to not scream his name.

His name. It had become a plea on her lips as he gave her exactly what she wanted without hesitation. His hands were on either side of her, or gripped onto the bedpost behind her, or one hand braced on her stomach as he fucked her.

After her third orgasm, she wanted to have her fun, despite her growing exhaustion from overstimulation.

Josie placed a hand on his shoulder and tapped three times: the signal to stop. He did.

“You okay?” he asked quickly, loosening his grip on the bedpost and slowly sliding out of her, making her let out a soft oof sound.

“I’m fine,” Josie beamed as she forced herself to pull herself up in a sitting position. Calum’s brows furrowed in confusion, but relaxed when she kissed him gently and flipped them over. She kissed him the same spots where he had kissed her. Every single one of them.

“What are you doing?” He knew exactly what she was doing. The devilish smirk on plastered on his lips was evident enough.

When her lips stopped right above his naval, she grinned and nipped at his skin, earning a hiss. Feeling him inside her was one thing, but getting to touch him. Hold him. He was huge in her hand.

Her smile turned feline as she stroked him. He barked out a curse and fisted the crumpled sheets beneath them. Slow, agonizingly slow, she lowered her mouth to his tip and pressed a soft kiss where his head met his shaft. Watched with wicked eyes as he flexed his tattooed torso and took sharp inhales as she put him in her mouth and sucked.

The bob of her head was steadied and relaxed, but quick. His hand reached up and gripped the back of her hair as he hissed with pleasure. A part of her wondered if he would push her head down, but he let his hand move with the pace of her bobbing.

Another blessing from a man she shouldn’t have. Couldn’t.

“Fuck,” he grunted, guttural and desperate. “Fucking shit.”

She giggled, then hummed with delight with him still in her mouth and he yanked her head back a bit.

“Don’t. Don’t do that, or I’m going to cum,” he told her, breathless and flustered.

She took that as a challenge. She stroked whatever she couldn’t take in her mouth and when Calum finally let out a groan and went off the edge, she didn’t waste any of it.

He didn’t give enough time to show him her emptied mouth when he pulled her on his lap and gave her a hungry kiss, one filled with hunger and passion and lust. He tasted himself just like she had tasted herself.

She lined herself up with him and sunk down on him until she couldn’t anymore. It took a moment for her to readjust and start grinding her hips against him, but her pace became quick and steady as she grew to know the feeling of him inside her. Her hands braced on his chest and his on her hips, squeezing as she rode him with ease.

He sighed deeply, with content, as she leaned forward to brace hers hands on the bedpost. He took one of her breasts into his mouth and sucked on a nipple until she mumbled a curse, and massaged the other with his hand. He made sure each breast got equal attention. Not that she minded. It was pure bliss, to be riding him and edging on her fourth orgasm.

When she began to tire, her legs becoming sore from bouncing and swiveling, Calum took the opportunity to grip her ass and push himself into her at a pace that made her cum within seconds. She couldn’t help but scream as he gave her the kind of satisfying feeling she never received.

Overstimulation.

A tear slipped past her eye, but he was quick to swipe it away with the pad of his thumb.

“Hey, hey,” he cooed softly, cupping her cheek. “Are you okay, pretty girl?”

She nodded into his hands, leaning into his warm touch and smiling sleepily at that damned term. “I’m worn out,” she exhaled, letting her head fall on just below his chin, feeling a breathless, tired laugh escape her.

“Then let’s sleep, yeah?” she hummed, moaning as he slowly pulled out of her, relaxing into the familiar warmth of his body as he brought the sheets up, arms protectively around her as sleep took over far too quickly.

*****

Josie woke up sticky and with a tight sore in between her legs. At first she didn’t remember what had happened, but when she felt someone shift in front of her and saw the familiar arm covered in even more familiar tattoos wrapped around her, she recalled everything.

Oh, God. Calum. She had slept with her brother’s best friend. And enjoyed it. A lot.

Carefully, she shifted to her other side so her back was facing him. But, she turned her head back to observe his sleeping face. Dark curls fell across his forehead, Josie’s fingers itching to brush them away, as her gaze swept over his full lips. Lips she had been intoxicated by last night, could still feel their burning wake on her skin wherever he had kissed her. He looked so peaceful, sweet, undisturbed by the reality of what they had done without consideration for anything but the way the other had made them feel.

Did he remember last night? The words he had spoken to her? That the disorganized feelings she had towards him were now jumbled into an even bigger mess?

His arm tightened around her and he grunted softly, a sign he was slowly waking up. When he finally opened his tired eyes, she was already staring back at him.

“Good morning?” he said, voice heavy with sleep also puzzled. Josie watched in a mixture of amusement and curiosity as he then lifted the blanket that they had been sharing and nodded when he noted their naked bodies pressed together. “So it wasn’t a dream.”

She turned back over, heart wrenching at his response, so he didn’t see the way her expression dropped. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked. If he regretted it...

Josie got her answer when he pulled her into his chest, curled his arm around her shoulders, and pressed a soft kiss to her tussled hair. “It means, I would have been disappointed if it had been a dream.”

He laughed as she smacked him on his chest.

“Not funny.”

“It kind of is.”

Josie exhaled and leaned into his shoulder as she asked, “What the hell are we going to tell Luke?”

“We don’t tell him.” Calum shrugged calmly. “He doesn’t need to know this ever happened.” She furrowed her brows and was about to say something but he cut her off. “I’m not saying I regret it, I’m just saying this was a huge risk and for Luke’s sake, we can’t ever tell him, okay?”

“Agreed.” She knew he was right, so why did her heart ache with the sense of rejection?

Probably because she knew that last night, as mind blowing and overwhelming as it had been, wasn’t likely to happen again. Just a one time thing driven by the lingering effects of cinnamon whiskey and

Calum kissed her lips, a quick and passionate kiss nonetheless. Then, he let out a deep sigh, “I guess we should finish cleaning up, and take a shower.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, and she didn’t know if he had picked up on her saddened tone. If he had, he didn’t make a move to bring it up. And he wouldn’t.

tags: @irwinkitten @sweetcherrymike @loveroflrh @softforcal @astroashtonio @meetashthere @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @highfivecalum @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @imfuckin10plybud @pastelpapermoons @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysidesblog @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @xhaileyreneex @inlovehoodx @calistheloml @aestheticrelated @bloodlinecal @sublimehood @madbomb @raabiac @britnicole11 @outofmylimitcal @wildflower-cth @bloodmoonashton @wildflowergrae @vxidhood @gosh-im-short @thesubtweeter

477 notes · View notes

septiembrre · 4 years

Note

Brio #4 a hug after not seeing someone for a long time pls

Ruby & Beth come back from a well-deserved vacation, at least 15 years overdue.

I really thought this was the easy prompt out of the bunch. I thought for sure this one would be just 500 words, a neat and contained ficlet. Oh well, it’s 3k.

I tagged some folks at the bottom, but just because I tagged you doesn’t mean you have to read it, but there’s a note for you down there in case you get around to it. I’m being a brat and posting too much and I know everyone’s busy with their week. Also, what is this hellish October?

Also here on AO3

-----

So I Come To You, My Love

Beth is itchy, impatient ever since they boarded the plane to go home. Or maybe since they made it to the airport… or rather, since she woke up before dawn, her mind racing with anticipation of her 11 am flight.

Ruby had gotten up, wandered somnolent into the kitchen for coffee, and promptly been accosted with the sight of Beth sitting at the kitchen table of their rental with her pile of suitcases fully packed and ready to go. Ruby had rolled her eyes to high heaven and asked aloud for patience.

At this point, Beth was too twitchy to be apologetic, the airport calling to her like a beacon from afar.

Ruby had known that it was only the beginning.

She had shaken her head as they flew along in their rideshare to the airport, Beth silent, taciturn, and unable to make any small talk with their cheerful driver asking them indulgent questions about their trip. She had rubbed Beth’s shoulder as Beth sighed, loudly, multiple times in the line for security, in line for boarding. She had watched as Beth’s eyes had darted to the time on her cell and tracked the clocks ticking on the airport walls.

Again, Ruby had prayed, Heavenly Father, please give me the patience and understanding to not harm Elizabeth Marks, my aforementioned best friend, on this eight-hour flight. Please bring us safely to our journey’s end.

Eventually, they settled on the plane and Ruby… Ruby needed a break. Beth and all of her fidgeting were giving her friend nervousness by osmosis. They should have anticipated it, of course. That this is how their fabulous, three-week, best-friend vacation was doomed to end -- in an anxious fizzle.

So, Ruby went about her process. She popped her ZzzQuil and put on her Nidra eye mask (or as Annie would say, “her eye bra”). Then, she wrapped herself up the plush blanket she had purchased for maximum airplane luxury, fully reclined her first-class seat, and adamantly went to sleep.

It’s in this purgatory that Beth finds herself waiting.

Waiting.

And still waiting.

At first, she tries to watch a movie, and it plays as told on the screen in front of her for two hours. She barely hears a word. Then, she tries to sleep, too.

But, no dice.

And she can’t exactly complain and blame it on the flying experience when she’s sitting in first class. The trip, an international vacation to France, had already been the fanciest thing Beth and Ruby had ever done. They had taken three weeks off from work to do it and that time was a luxury in itself. So, when Stan and Rio had combined husband-partner powers (HPP as Ruby and Beth had toasted to, giggling on the first flight across the ocean) and surprised them, upgrading their seats to first-class… It had been the cherry on top of the icing on the cake.

But, despite all the makings for premium comfort, Beth ends up bringing her seatback upright.

Instead, she passes the time, tapping her heel and staring off into space.

While she knows rationally it’s not true, it feels like the longest eight hours of her life. The last half of the flight stretches out before her but this experience certainly wasn’t as long as any of her births, or as stressful as even half of the situations they had gotten themselves into while criming these past four years.

But, Beth doesn’t ever really do well with prolonged absences from Rio. The anxiety of what it meant before -- ghosting, getting cleaved from the business -- is still something they are working to break from the patterns of their relationship, something Rio is still trying to unlearn as being his go-to answer to emotional conflict.

But, historically it had unfolded the other way around. There had never been a precedent of Beth being the one to smoke bomb out for a few weeks...

Of course, she wasn’t smoke bombing anywhere, slipping away into the ether. This was a long-planned vacation, months in the making, decades in the dreaming. There had been careful plotting to adjust the slack in the printing schedule and there had been deliberate calendering with the children’s summer activities. And well, Rio knew where to find her -- both where her rental was in Paris and where she more permanently lived (with him).

And it’s not like they hadn’t talked every morning and every night and sometimes in between of these past three weeks

God, she feels clingy and codependent and too much like her teenagers. Ruby had called Stan half as much.

And she’s still itchy.

…And kind of oily now?

She keeps scratching at a spot on one of her shoulders, at her palms, blotting at her face.

The people around her are going to think she has some sort of disease.

Except for Ruby, who knows.

So, Beth sits there, tapping, scratching, sighing into the void of time.

And it shouldn’t be so much of a surprise when a little more than halfway through the flight, Ruby’s hand emerges from its blanket cocoon to clamp down on Beth’s jiggling leg. Regardless, Beth all but levitates a foot into the air, gasping.

“Chill out.”

Beth takes a deep breath and tries her best.

Then, she blows out a raspberry. “I can’t.”

Ruby rips off her eye mask, sighing loudly. “You’re such a newlywed.”

“That’s the thing,” Beth says glumly. “We’re not even married.”

“Do you want to be?” Ruby looks over at her best friend, brow furrowed. And she wonders for the millionth time the question she won’t actually voice out loud, What did Rio’s dick do to her friend?

Beth looks back at Ruby, then her gaze shifts away, “No--” It comes out in upspeak, like a question and unsure. She swallows, and tries again, “No.”

Ruby widens her eyes at Beth who cringes, folding into herself. Then, Beth shifts anxiously in her seat, avoiding Ruby’s gaze. “No, I don’t really… care.” Then, Beth grimaces, realizing it obviously sounds like she cares.

“Oh-kay.”

“I just--” Beth starts defensively, “Three weeks has been a long time to be away from home.”

The trip was wonderful, a literal dream -- one they’ve dreamt of since high school. But, the three weeks have been a long time, for both of them.

Beth continues, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat but now that we’ve been, maybe two weeks next time.”

Ruby nods. “I can’t wait to see Stanley. Ugh, to hug Harry.” She hugs her own arms around herself picturing embracing her son. “Sara…” Ruby purses her lips. “Can stay at her photography camp.”

Beth rocks in to nudge her shoulder against Ruby’s, chiding. “You missed her.”

“Let’s just say that I’m glad I took the higher road and got her those damn macarons she wanted.”

“I’m glad we ended up doing that, too. The kids are going to be thrilled, especially Emma.”

Ruby shakes her head fondly. “I love that child. Forever my favorite nibling.”

“Yeah, well Sara is my favorite niece, so don’t be too hard on her.”

Ruby scoffs. “She’s your only niece.”

“And you know, she’s had weeks now to think about it. She’s probably feeling very sorry she said all those things before you left.” Beth consoles, reaching over to hold Ruby’s hand. “Knowing Stan, he’s probably worked his magic on her and you’ll go back and be a perfect family again.”

Ruby shakes her head, then turns against the seat to look at Beth, all charm, “So, who’s your favorite nephew?”

Now it’s Beth’s turn to scoff, “You know Annie would kill me if I didn’t say Ben.”

“Well, she’s not here.”

Beth rolls her eyes. “You know Benjamin is as perfect a child as they come. But, I never see him anymore. He’s always off with his friends and suddenly too old to hang out with his younger cousins, too cool to hang out with his favorite aunt-- and you know I’m not good with teenagers.” Beth shrugs. “And Harry’s eight and a mini version of Stan. It’s just not a fair fight.”

Ruby smiles, pleased, “I’m going to tell Annie.”

“You can’t tell Annie. I told you that under the assurance of secrecy.”

“Bitch, I didn’t give you no assurance.”

Beth sticks her tongue out at Ruby. Ruby scowls at her back. Then, they settle again.

“You have plans with gang boo? Oh, excuse me-- Christopher…” Ruby trills. “--Since you’re anxious as all get out.”

Beth arches back against the seat, fidgeting again. “I’m not anxious.”

Ruby levels her with a look.

“I’m not.”

There’s a beat where Ruby continues to stare at Beth, waiting. Beth rocks her jaw and looks away.

“Why don’t you just text him?”

“I already did when we got on the plane.”

“So… message him again?”

Beth cants her head low, letting her hair fall to obscure her face.

“He’s being… you know how he is.”

“I… do but I’m not sure I want to know what that means.” Ruby pauses, sitting with it. “Oh my god.” She clamps her hand down again, this time on Beth’s wrist. “Does he want you to take naked pictures in the bathroom?”

Beth tries to snatch her arm away, flailing in the seat.

“What if Delta sees your nudes?! Please, tell me you did not do that in that sardine box ten feet away from me, Elizabeth. Marks.”

“I didn’t. I would never.”

Someone a row over shushes them.

Ruby relinquishes her grip to press at her eyebrows. “Y’all are too much.”

Beth shrugs. “He really liked those caftans we bought at that boutique.”

Ruby considers that, thinking about how much she underestimated Christopher Aguilar’s capacity to love her friend. Sometimes it just really is too much to think about. “You got a special night planned?”

“No,” Beth says shortly.

“Mm.” Ruby nods along. “You know that man’s not going to let you out of bed, right?”

Beth flushes, squirming again in her seat. And she feels awkward talking about it, but, God, she hopes so?

“When are you picking up your kids again?”

“Tomorrow night.”

Ruby tsks and looks at Beth knowingly.

“You really don’t want to try to get some sleep? You’re gonna need it. Hell, I’m gonna need it and here you are keeping me up.”

Beth laughs shortly. “You’re one to talk about not getting out of bed. Stan literally wrote you an ode last week.”

Ruby smiles, something soft, small, and happy. “He was trying to compete with Paris.” Then she says, playful. “Almost twenty-five years of marriage and I still got it.”

Beth looks at her friend and opens her mouth looking for the words. She turns to search Ruby’s face and tries to be vulnerable.

Her voice comes out small and a little desperate, “Do you really think he missed me?”

Ruby snorts. “I’m honestly surprised he didn’t show up in Paris to crash our trip. The man’s a genie. A genie with a lot of dinero.”

And it’s flattering, the image of Rio flying across the world to find her. Of course, he had stayed right where she left him -- in Detroit, in the middle of nailing down some business with one of his bars -- while she and Ruby fulfilled the dream they had for twenty years now.

It was... something, really something to be flush with cash, for all of the people she loved to be rolling in the riches, to have enough to afford anything she wanted. Security -- what a concept.

But, quickly enough she is so greedy. Beth is already calculating when it would be realistically feasible for her and Rio to take time off together for a trip of their own (maybe a beach this time).

Beth lets out a long, deep sigh.

“B, that man was glued to his phone for any and every picture or text you would send him about what you were doing. He woke up at some god awful time to tell you ‘Good Morning’ and cleared his schedule every day at 5 pm to call you at the end of ours. He missed you.”

She whispers. “I missed him, too.”

“I know,” Ruby says dryly. Suddenly, her hand flies up to push the button for the attendant.

Beth looks at Ruby nonplussed, as the attendant makes their way down the aisle to their seats.

Ruby eyes Beth sternly. “We still have two hours on this airplane and we are going to make the most of it. It’s still our vacation and you need to hold your shit together.”

Pep talk over, she smiles wide at the flight attendant and requests, “Two mimosas, please!”

----

It’s more than two mimosas. When their flight finally lands, Beth and Ruby don’t walk in the straightest line up the jet bridge.

They pause just out of their gate, a big sense of feeling bringing both of them to a standstill. Tipsy, relieved to be off the plane, and home again, vibrant in this feeling of togetherness with each other, they embrace.

“Thank you, friend.”

“I hate your face.”

“God, I never want to see your face again.”

They loosen their hold, dab at their wet eyes.

“Thank you for Paris.”

They tear up all over again.

-----

Once they make it out of their gate, Ruby and Beth stop to use the bathroom. Beth takes the opportunity to smooth out her hair, dab some cold water at her blotchy cheeks, and reapply some deodorant.

She thinks she’s going to jump out of her skin.

Ruby brushes her teeth, and Beth inspired does so, too. They apply lip balm on their chapped lips. Beth pinches color into her cheeks, as Ruby laughs, “He sees you on the daily first thing in the morning. Or do you pull a Midge Maisel on him?”

Beth sticks out her tongue.

As they get ready to move on and Ruby gets a call from Stan, who reports that they are there waiting outside of customs.

Beth all but runs to the international baggage claim, Ruby trailing behind her, watching her best friend with great amusement and a little secondhand embarrassment but she’s excited, too. They get in line at customs, and blessedly it isn’t long and they don’t have enough to declare. Quick enough, they’re buzzing through the doors that announce no return entry.

On the other side are escalators leading them up from the bottom-most level -- international arrivals only -- to the ground floor. Beth files in with her suitcases, behind Ruby.

And as they move further up the escalator, they can spot Stan and Rio waiting for them at the top.

Beth turns to Ruby, “Store on Monday?”

Who nods back, “Store on Monday.”

As they get closer, Beth drinks Rio in and something unsnarls in her soul. He’s in a black t-shirt, his jeans, and a pair of his typically sharp shoes -- dressed for Detroit in June. Her eye zero in on his ink, visible on his neck, the stretch of skin exposed on his arms, his hands clenched at his sides, the scruff on his face. Video has come a long way but, she’s relieved to see him in real detail. She’s relieved that in seconds she’ll be able to touch him, relieved to see that particular warm look in his eyes, the embers in person.

Beth can’t help it -- a smile stretches wide across her face. It really hasn’t been that long, she’s spent decades without him, but she feels giddy, goofy, effervescent. She could float right up to the top of the escalator, straight into his arms. But, gravity is real and she has to wait her turn.

Ruby walks off to greet her Stanley.

And Beth walks up to Rio. He reaches forward to pull her luggage to the side and she pauses in front of him. The magnetism of the inches between their bodies is electric, more dizzying than the champagne on the flight. He just looks so good.

He beams back at her, smiling wide. In the periphery of her vision, she can see his hands twitching.

And-- good.

Beth thinks she could fuck him now, drag him into a bathroom somewhere, but all she wants to do is kiss him.

So, she does.

She steps closer, brushing her nose with his (and doesn’t that feel new? And absurdly tender?). Her lips touch his. And God, it’s soft and she’s smiling into it, and he is, too. He tastes like the mint tea he probably had after lunch. And she has the brief thought that they’re so… dumb. He’s thirty-nine this year and she’s in her mid-forties and honestly, this is ridiculous for their age. It’s only been days and they had so much phone sex. But, this real-life thing, it feels so good.

It’s overwhelming. It’s perfect.

Rio curls his arms around her, smart hands sliding down to palm her ass as he brings her as close as possible. Her hands clutch the back of his neck, feeling the skin there, smelling the musky scent of his cologne, as they cling to each other. One of her hands wanders to trace the sharp prickliness of his buzz cut, and the other one of his twines along the nape of her neck. Heat curls deep in her core, flaring with the feel of him.

Eventually, they part for air. Beth nuzzles Rio’s scruff.

Rio laughs loud, head rolling back and shoulders shaking. Gorgeous.

“Baby,” he looks at her, biting his lip. “You taste like a bottle.”

Beth gasps, insulted. “I brushed my teeth!”

“Okay, champ.” He kisses her again, short this time. “You gonna be able to make it home?”

Then, she kisses him again, playfully pushing her tongue in his mouth. He’s panting when they part. And she can’t help it, she’s beaming.

“The question is, are you?”

-----

The fanfiction I read influences my writing so much. The intertextual winks that stood out to me in this one:

@sothischickshe -- genie word choice ;-)

@foxmagpie for the word ‘CANT’? Girl, were you the first person to wordsmith this? I think you were and it’s the perfect description for half the things Rio does with his jaw. This time I appropriated it for Beth.

#nbc good girls #beth x rio #brio #my writing

42 notes · View notes

asukaskerian · 4 years

Note

bleach-vastolorde pronz pls @_@

oh damn, that’s not a WIP, it’s Yield (mind the tags, contains rape). my bad. I thought i had taken notes for eventual never-writing-that sequels and they’d also be in there but there’s nothing else but the fic so they’re probably lost to the depths of skype. :(

the sequel would be a recovery fic but ughghghgh too much work to figure out so it never happened XD more about that under the cut.

yield : freshly, post-ulquiorra vasto-lorde’d mindless ichigo runs into half-dead from their previous fight grimmjow and since he’s in kill all things mode he’s kinda “hmm what if kill” and grimmjow is like “ok let’s derail that with dick gropes real fast cause i really have no interest in dying (incidentally can i say this day sucks)” but he is like, v much not into it, he’s just ruthlessly pragmatic about ways to avoid getting his head blasted off by a bored baby hollow. mutual noncon cause ichigo can’t meaningfully consent and grimmjow is making a pass because it’s dicks or death so uh yeah. :(

eventual sequel would have a lot of very uncomfortable angst and i-hate-that-you-feel-guilty-stop-it-i-chose-this from grimmjow and they never do end up having that rematch. i mean, they kinda start it a few times but get interrupted or ichigo’s heart is not in it so eventually after some ragesplosions they turn into a series of sparring matches and since it’s not “real” ichigo can relax into it and grimmjow is like, yee, i have agency over THIS. he really hated that ichigo hated and obsessed over it because it’s a reminder of a day he wishes they could just pretend never happened and if he Fixes Ichigo it’s like it never did, you see? then they can go back to the simplistic win-fight-to-prove-worthiness over some guy i don’t know personally, i can just grok his weird battle thing! (yes of course grimmjow you guys totally can.) so then he gets fixated on that as a way of dealing.

meanwhile ichigo tries his best to pretend he’s not in “anything for you because i feel so damn guilty but one of the things i know you want is for me not to be a mopey crawling yes-man so i’ll camouflage it as my normal snarky self who Just Happens to try to give you basically everything i imagine you want”. ichigo of course SHOULD have been able to just Decide to control the hollow after getting freshly killed and that he didn’t is a failure on his part, but not because he was caught by surprise or it was impossible or he wasn’t even conscious through it! no, it’s just because he sucks and is a weakness of character or smth.

they are both extremely intense about how much they need to believe the other guy had it worse because he didn’t choose but THEY had agency ok so no big deal on their side really.

anyway they gonna need therapy or at least couples counseling because dude. buddy. dude. they will fall into such a codependent guilt/rage spiral relationship if they don’t.

#writing meme #Anonymous

11 notes · View notes

lcvedandlcst-a · 7 years

Photo

OKAY so this has been bouncing around my head for quite some time, and I finally decided to post a full meta on it. just be prepared, because this is hella long. It’s an explanation of what happened between them, along with small little clippets of writing. Here we go!!

THE OFFICIAL META FOR THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ELPHIE & RICKY!!

( Tagging some people I think would like to see this: @bcckmarked , @humcne , @ofsweetsunshines )

It all started freshman year of college, right after first semester. She was on the verge of turning seventeen, he had just turned 19. Elphie was walking across campus, all packed up and ready to go home for Winter Break, when she was tackled by this GIANT ball of black fur.

“Mom, Momma I’ll be fine. It’s one plane trip, I’ll be home before you know it. And I mean, it’s better than driving the nine hours back home with all this snow. Yeah, I know, I know. I’ll see you soon, lo-” Elphie’s chatter was cut off as something hurtled into her side going full speed, knocking the wind out of her and sending her to the ground. Her phone skidded just out of reach, worried noises coming from the speaker. A paw, nails cutting into her parka, rested heavily on her chest. Some huge dog was on top of her, head bent and muzzle pressing into her neck. The scream tore lose before she could stop herself and the dog jumped back. More hesitant, he padded over again, gently pressing his nose to her sleeve and as he whined. The initial panic subsided, and Elphie pushed herself up to sitting position as she really looked at him. He looked like some sort of mix, most likely some part Rottweiler. He was wearing a frayed collar, the tags shiny and new. Slowly, she reached for them. The dog sat patiently, stubby tail wagging wildly.

As it would turn out, the dog’s name was Teddy. Figuring he was lost, Elphie put up a post on the school’s social networking site. Because if he was on campus he probably belonged to somebody. She sat on a nearby bench and waited, hand on the dog’s collar. Now imagine her surprise when the school’s infamous badboy heartthrob shows up. Richard White. He was known around school under various names, Ricky being the most widely used.

From the moment they met, there was something in the air. There’s no other way to describe it. An instantaneous attraction, and that feeling that your entire world’s just changed. Elphie has never believed in fate or soulmates so she’s quick to shake it off, and hurried off to catch her flight. Ricky’s left holding Teddy as he watched her walk away, not sure what to say.

Fast forward to the beginning of second semester. Despite trying to shake off their meeting, Elphie can’t seem to stop picturing a pair of vivid blue eyes and messy dark hair. She was so lost in her own head that she crashes into another student while walking into the biology classroom. And low & behold, there stand Ricky. He was looking at her in a way no one ever has before, and it made her heart beat faster. She mumbles and apology and goes and sits down. Ricky, determined to befriend her, follows her over to the corner table and plops down next to her.

They spend most of the period joking around, because being around each other is so easy. There’s something undeniable between the two of them. After that class, they exchange numbers and are constantly texting one another. It’s hard for either of them to admit, but they’re falling fast.

Elphie’s never been good at trusting people. It’s something she developed after years of teasing, backstabbing, and being ostracized by other students. She had her family and her small group of friends and that’s all she ever needed. After her relationship with Mark, she swore off love because it hurt too much to try again. And she figured all relationships would work out the same way.

Ricky’s never had anyone stick around. His mother left when he was one and his father always had something more important than him. He was raised by a constant stream of rotating nannies, who didn’t love him in the least. His friendships had always been superficial at best. The one solid thing he had in his life? The parties where he could drink until he couldn’t think anymore. Couldn’t feel. The only thing keeping him in school was his father’s checkbook.

But being around Elphie...it changed Ricky. He swore off parties and actively tried in school. Elphie tutored him to help him catch up.Three weeks in, he decided to finally do it. It was during one of these sessions that he finally asked her out. She was more than happy to accept.

His pencil tapped against his leg repeatedly as he listened to her speak. What she was saying he had absolutely no idea, but she looked so cute Ricky didn’t want to interrupt her. Elphie’s forehead had that cute little crinkle it did whenever she was passionate about what she was talking about, and he figured now was as good a time as any. “Fae?” She turned towards him, looking worried. “Yes?” “Do you, I dunno, want to go out sometime?” He held his breath, genuinely nervous. The school’s infamous bad boy, the guy that everybody wanted to ask out at some point, was nervous. The look on her face was one he’d never forget. There was a moment of shock, before she split into the widest grin he’d ever seen her wear. “Yes, I’d like that very much.” The grin on his face mirrored hers, and he turned back to his textbook.

Their relationship was amazing, if a little codependent, from that moment on. Where there was one, you were guaranteed to find the other. Ricky had his own apartment off campus, and the amount of times that Elphie slept over ( in the most innocent way possible, watching Disney movies until they fell asleep. with the age gap, both of them agreed that they wouldn’t do anything until she was legally able to give consent. ) couldn’t be counted.

When she brought him home for the first time, her brought flowers for Carly and was on his absolutely best behavior. He was sweet as could be, and acted the same way around the Wicked squad. More than anything, they were happy around each other. Elphie’s eyes were always bright, lips curved into a new lopsided smile. ( that mimicked the smile that Ally used to have specially for Carly )

Everything was picture book perfect for about a year and 4 months. Then it happened. As happy as Ricky was, there as something pulling him back towards the way he used to live. He missed the parties, missed the drinking, missed the drugs. So, he figured why not combine them. If he could show Elphie how amazing it was to forget everything for long periods of time, then he could have his Fae and his parties.

Elphie wouldn’t usually, but this was RICKY. She trusted him with her life. She tried to reason that lots of college kids went to parties, that it was nothing too terrible. So...she agreed. Knowing her meds wouldn’t mix well with alcohol, Ricky talked her into going off them for a while.

The first party is a catalyst. Elphie finds out that when she’s drinking, her superhuman brain isn’t thinking. And she LOVES it. She LOVES everything about it. How she doesn’t feel like an outsider. How she feels totally normal. How Ricky’s lips feel against her jaw. All of it. There’s no coming back from that first party.

Everything goes down the drain in the coming week. She stops returning calls and texts, and is more often drunk than not. As good as Ricky & Elphie had been building each other up, it seemed they were even better at tearing each other down. Quickly, their relationship turned toxic. But Elphie was too drunk on him and on whatever was at the parties she went to to even care.

Fast forward a month. Ricky got into a nasty drunken brawl defending Elphie at the club they were at for their anniversary. He beats the guy into unconsciousness, and before he’s arrested he tells Elphie to run so she doesn’t get in trouble. She takes off, panicking. Then, she comes up with an idea. It’s rash and stupid, but she follows it anyways. She’ll break him out and then they lay low for a week or two. Wait for things to blow over. She leave Teddy & Mr. Pickles (The cat her & Ricky adopted together) with a close friend. After breaking Ricky out, she leaves her mom a quick voicemail saying not to worry and she’ll be home soon.

What’s supposed to be a week turns into something bordering on two and a half months. By then, Elphie had slowed down enough to actually start thinking. And what she’s thinking is that she doesn’t like this life as much as she used to. She misses her family, misses her friends. Misses the old Ricky. But when she tries to tell Ricky all of that, he doesn’t exactly take it well.

His hand shot out, wrapping tightly around her wrist. He was squeezing hard enough that it HURT. Elphie tried to pull her hand free, eyes wide with disbelief. “Ricky, Ricky you're HURTING me.” At her words, he let go, stumbling back. “You can't go, you can't just leave me, Fae. We promised we'd take care of each other, remember?” There was something oh so desperate in his eyes, but Elphie turned away and sighed. She'd made that promise a long time ago, to a boy who was long gone. It hurt to admit it, but the Ricky she'd known - the one she loved - wasn't there anymore. And the man who wore his face was dragging her down a path she didn't want to take. But still, she had to try to save him. “Then come with me. We can't keep doing this Ricky. Living like this....it was cool at first but....i miss my family. I miss my momma, so much that it hurts. So let's get sober, together, and you cam make a home with me.” There was a last ember of hope in her voice, that he might take her offered hand and follow her to a new world. A better world. Instead he turned away, running a hand through his hair. “I....I can't. You can't either. This is where we BELONG, Elphaba, why can't you see that?? Your family, your ma, I doubt they'll even take you back after this. You left them, abandoned them, made your choice. You chose me. You go back there, they'll turn you out on the street.” The thought made her stomach turn nastily, her head swimming with visions from her worst nightmares. Her mind painted a picture of her mother, with the same thinly veiled cold disgust she'd seen Ricky's father give him. And it was almost enough to knock her down. But she shook those mental images away, remembering her momma. The same mom who'd always been there, through the good times and the bad. Who'd held her close and kissed her forehead when she was sick. Who'd fought with the principal tooth and nail when the kids had been bullying her. Her mother would never turn her away, no matter how badly she screwed up. No matter how badly she deserved it. “I'm going home, Ricky.” He turned suddenly, beyond livid, and what happened next unrolled so fast Elphie didn't quite have the time to realize what was happening. One second she was talking to him, trying to say her goodbye, and the next she was on the ground, hand gingerly cupping her swelling cheek. She looked up at him, and even with her brilliant mind her blank stare was proof that she wasn't processing what happened. Ricky looks down at his own hand, shock and horror quickly taking over his features. “Fae, Fae I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean it, I'm so-” “DON'T.” Her voice was cold, detached, and she pushed herself to her feet. “Just don't, Richard. I'm done, I can't do this anymore. Maybe one day, when you realize that this life isn't for you and get sober we can talk. But until then, I never want to hear from you again.” The entire things sounds robotic to her ears, but perhaps that was just the fact that she couldn't deal with what was happening. Because while she HATED the fact that she'd followed him down this self destructive path, that she'd fallen for him, it didn't change the fact that a piece of her would always love him. The connection between them, it was unbreakable. Loving someone as fiercely as they had loved each other, it created the kind of ties that could never truly be severed. And she HATED him even more for that.

Elphie goes to a program for two weeks, gets the worst of it out of her system. Getting sober is a long, difficult process and she fights for it every step of the way. Every time Ricky comes around, her hopes that he’s finally getting sober skyrocket. But every time, it’s just him telling her that they need to run away together. The reason she acts like she hates Ricky is because it’s easier that way. Easier than dealing with the pain of knowing she can’t save him. Of knowing even though he says he loves her, he’ll choose his vices over her again and again and again, without fail.

The truth is, if Ricky actually got sober and came back around? There’s no doubt in my mind Elphie would give him a second chance in a heartbeat. Because she LOVES him, she always has, and knowing that he’s trying would be enough for her.

#(OH GEEZ this is super super super long but i mean their relationship is super super super complicated so...)#(also it's really late here and i'm tired i apologize in advance for any typos)#❝ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉˢ ᶠᵃˡˡ ʰᵃʳᵈᵉˢᵗ.❞ ||「☤ 」 About #❝ ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᶰᵒʷ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ'ˢ ᵒᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍʳᵒᵘᶰᵈ?❞ || ➩ ELPHABA SUN #❝ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵒᶰ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ ᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᶤ'ᵐ ᵃ ˡᶤᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵘᶰˢᵗᵉᵃᵈʸ.❞ || ➩ RICHARD WHITE #NOTP: I Want You To Color Me Blue...Anything It Takes To Make You Stay || Ricky & Elphie

3 notes · View notes

brofisting · 7 years

Text

As you might know, I’ve recently gotten into hockey! It’s objectively bad, but so is basically everything, and fanfiction is objectively good, so I think in the end it works out okay. You might enjoy it if you like:

tricking yourself into loving sweat-soaked weird-looking sports jerks

serious codependency

“no homo bro but i’m desperately in love with you”

the concept of grown men sending other grown men to The Sin Bin

sex tears (hockey fandom is really into sex tears)

Instead of organizing these by team or pairing, since there are a lot of those and I’m not out here to rep for anyone in particular (b/c apparently the point of sports is to make those decisions yourself and then suffer for them for the rest of your life), I’ve decided to rec you the fics I personally have enjoyed the most, which should be a fairly, uh, interesting cross-section of what’s on offer, but should not be taken as a comprehensive one. Now, without further ado, allow me to present...

(A HOCKEY RPF FANFIC REC LIST)

In approximate order from shortest to longest.

GENERAL WARNING: These are all RPF, and feature fictionalized depictions of real people. If that makes you uncomfortable, don’t read them. Many of these stories also include depictions of homophobia. Some include graphic descriptions of injuries. Please check each fic’s tags/intro for any more specific warnings, or with me if you have a concern about a specific story.

Without Access, Favor, or Discretion, 7iris P. K. Subban/Carey Price, PG-13, ~2k ‘Is this Habs goaltender Carey Price’s dick?’ the Deadspin headline screams, and PK snorts coffee out his nose.

the real hockey widows of new jersey, meretricula Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, PG-13, ~3k “Since when does Sylvie like you?” Danny demanded. / “Why wouldn’t Sylvie like me? I’m not divorced from her.” Claude paused, then added thoughtfully, "Also, I cook, and I’m never late picking the boys up from school.”

drop everything now, blamefincham & thistidalwave Alex Galchenyuk/Brendan Gallagher, PG-13, ~5k “It’s a stupid bucket list thing! It was really easy to get these tickets!” Alex says loudly, sitting up and glaring at her. / “Yeah,” Anna says in between bouts of laughter, “but you bought them. Does Brendan know you want to take him on a romantic date to fulfill one of his lifelong dreams?”

Closed Fracture, lightgetsin Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, PG-13, ~6k “You’re on Puck Daddy,” Taylor said, instead of a greeting. “The headline is ‘Best Hockey Player in the World Sidney Crosby Taken Out by Eight Year Old, Breaks Arm in Mite Hockey Game.’”

Something Old, Something New, Rave Michael Latta/Tom Wilson, NC-17, ~6k “I’m into guys,” Mike had told him before they moved in together. “If we’re gonna be roommates, that’s gotta be cool with you. I don’t want it to turn out to be a thing later.”

Long in the Tooth, Ferritin4 Roberto Luongo/Carey Price, NC-17, ~6k “I’m not telling you not to train,” Bobby said. “I’m just telling you not to be completely insane about everything for the rest of your life.”

(MORE RECS UNDER THE CUT, THIS GOT... A LITTLE OUT OF HAND, LENGTH-WISE.)

yes is a pleasant country, arabesque05 Sidney Crosby/Pittsburgh Penguins Team, Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~6k “Sid,” Geno says. “Team lonely.”

As Tall As Cliffs, oflights Tyson Barrie/Gabriel Landeskog, NC-17, ~9k Tyson and Gabe both made 2015 resolutions to give each other more compliments. It turns into a whole thing, and ends about how you'd expect.

Wildest Dreams, oflights Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~10k Of all the new things going on this season, Sidney Crosby wearing panties before and after a game is not something Geno could’ve anticipated. And being interested in Sidney Crosby wearing panties before and after a game is not something he could’ve prepared himself for.

jump on a moving train, oops_ohdear Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~10k “Best baby need best jersey,” Alex says blithely, which doesn’t actually answer the question. It does, however, tell Nicklas whose jersey it is, and sure enough when Alex lifts it up to put it back in the bag Nicklas can see the 8 and the ‘OVECHKIN’ emblazoned on the back.

off-ice situation (& sequel), (orphaned account) Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn, NC-17, ~11k “What’s your off-ice situation like, guys?” / Time stops completely. Tyler wants to say, ‘pretty fucking gay, to be honest with you.’

run, we’ll get there, joyfulseeker Mike Richards/Jeff Carter, NC-17, ~12k “There’s some stuff I’d like to see between here and there. So if you’re driving,” Jeff says.

King Me, Ferritin4 Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~12k Hockey is hockey, and politics is politics. There are kings of the game, and there are kings in their crowns and robes, and there isn't usually much in the way of overlap. (Secret royalty AU.)

like a sledgehammer, wafflehood Michael Latta/Tom Wilson, NC-17, ~13k It was probably inevitable that the thing where they stand up for each other so indiscriminately would eventually become a problem for them.

Something Old, uraneia Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, NC-17, ~13k Caelan lets out a choked laugh. “I need you to be Dad’s date to my wedding.” Claude and Danny broke up ten years ago, so that’s going to be awkward.

Romantic Motherfucking Best, lightgetsin Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn, NC-17, ~14k Jamie’s supposed to boyfriend this shit right up, and Tyler wants to see that.

Dream the Right Dream, Ferritin4 Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~14k It takes him two months, one more heat, and the NHL omega entry course before he realizes that he was meant to let one of them take him through it.They don’t do it like that in Sweden.

Friday Night Arrives Without a Suitcase, marycontraire Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, R, ~15k Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

(break something old) to build something new, Lake Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, R, ~16k In which Danny retires after being bought out by the Flyers in the summer of 2013 and stays in New Jersey, only to end up babysitting Claude's kid all the time.

The Kindness of Strangers, angularmomentum Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~17k Nicke has created a life of careful boundaries. (AU)

the year I got you alone, Lake Mike Richards/Jeff Carter, NC-17, ~19k “Let’s admit, without apology, what we do to each other.” - Richard Siken

Worse Than A Boy Who Hates You, omelet Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~21k The first time Sidney Crosby meets Evgeni Malkin, the crowd is on their feet and roaring and he’s flat on his ass on the ice, staring up at Malkin’s face haloed by the glaring stadium lights. (Rival teams AU.)

Just What Was Rumpelstiltskin Expecting to Do with a Baby, Anyway?, withershins Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, PG-13, ~25k Turning to a witch to save a loved one’s life is one of the riskier gambles a person can take, but it’s one that’s arguably noble and brave. Falling in love with the witch, though—now that’s just foolish. (AU)

the washington royals, screamlet Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~45k An arranged marriage—or, an arrangement and a marriage. (Royalty AU.)

Fastening One Heart to Every Falling Thing, thefourthvine Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~52k Geno can’t. Sidney won’t. (Soul-bond AU.)

The Woman In Blue, Ferritin4 Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom, NC-17, ~54k Nicklas had been going to visit demons ever since he had taken his vows at nineteen. He could talk to God as well as the next man, and if he brought up the right topics, God had a way of listening. Sasha had been going to visit demons ever since Nicklas had found him with claws and in chains so long ago, and if God did not listen to him, it was not for lack of encouragement to the Lord on Nicklas’s part. (Fairytale AU.)

King and Lionheart, thehoyden Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~56k Sidney’s wedding day doesn’t go quite as he’d planned. He hadn’t imagined this hurried affair on the tarmac on a rainy and unseasonably cool day in early September, a month after his twenty-fifth birthday. (Arranged marriage AU.)

All The Way Through, sevenfists Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, NC-17, ~83k “I hope you’re going to tell me that you’re in a loving, committed, long-term relationship,” Jen said. / “Well. No,” Sidney said. “We’re—it’s a casual thing.” / “Not anymore,” Jen said. “Congratulations, you’re in love.”

...BACK TO YOU. (rapidly flipping lights on and off again)

#hockey rpf #rec list #fic recs

35 notes · View notes

sunflowerstationary · 7 years

Text

Dearest darlingest Ivy,

Finally replying to this, oops.

The new tag is "you are the reason that i'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about", because that line always makes me think of you (lyrics from the Front Bottoms song "Peach") Dw about it being long, it will pop up when you start typing it :L

I haven't typed anything huge and long on tumblr in a while and I guess with the new phone, since it barely ever crashes I got cocky. I forgot this app is just generally shit and not only because my old phone didn't have enough space to run it lol RIP me.

Oh well.

I know it's ok to bomb my first driving test but like... I just... want it to be done with ;_; I really do not want to have to repeat it, if only because it will be hell on my nerves.

Guess I just need to schedule it and then practice my face off until then. SIGH.

I feel for you so much about the kitties. I felt like the worst cat mom in the fucking world not seeing him every day, and now I get to spoil him with treats and bits of my buttery spaghetti and he has a nice fluffy bed to sleep on that's right next to my head in our bed. And re: having nowhere to sit, GOD OMG I KNOW. We don't really have anything to sit on here either. Idk if you noticed when you were in here but there's like no furniture except the two couches that were left here by the last people, and no carpet in any of the rooms.

For a while I was rolling out a yoga mat and just sprawling on that in the computer room while Steve played his game, but now I mostly just grab a blanket to cushion the chair.

The not knowing who's going to be home thing sounds like the story of my life :/ I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore, but I'm sorry you do. I wish that you could move out and say fuck it all. Is Kevin working still?

It's nice that there's three of them. Like you said, they can keep each other company... especially Cali and Sandstorm, since they're so close. I'm a little worried that Scrap is lonely here. I mean, he gets lots of attention, but he's used to having other animals around.

Steve has mentioned a few times moving his friend Abdel in with us, and while I like Abdel, I really do not think I can live with him. I'm a lot better than I used to be but I am NOT about living with strangers. That's one of the reasons I had so much trouble deciding where to go to college back when I was planning on it, because I wanted to be as far from home as physically possible but I didn't know how to do it without having to live with some random people in a dorm or something. I like having the freedom to walk around naked, yk? Plus - and maybe this is selfish but - I already have to compete with Steve's games for attention half the time, and I'm needy, and I just. Don't want to have to deal with that.

He's not the date type of guy, he's a hermit, so we spend most of our quality alone time at home. Is it bad that I don't want to give that up?

You know, I know you're busy but Duo is pretty relaxed. You can set it so that you only have to practice once daily for five minutes if you really want to, which is probably slow but definitely manageable. I do it on the highest practice setting there is and it's still pretty relaxed, it only takes 25 mins out of my day in 5 min increments.

Ughhhhhh god, homerow giving me war flashbacks to my keyboarding class in 10th grade. Good luck.

That sounds like the way I feel about Olivia... it's bittersweet, isn't it? Like the drama is all over now and you want to make something more out of it, and rebuild and maintain a friendship like you used to have, like you feel the potential still there but it's old and probably not worth it now that you've moved on. But.

You know? I barely think of Liv most of the time but she's still there in the background.

Idk. Maybe we'll get our second chance someday.

Rayzel always struck me as a cool but distant person, yeah. I'm glad you have someone to talk to though. I know I can't always be helpful when it comes to Kevin and I feel bad about that sometimes.

Defaulting to sleep rather than self destructing is my middle name. Seriously, I just conked out for two hours because I was feeling angsty about work and feeling like a failure because I haven't been as productive as I wanted to be this week.

Ffffff, why do they always do that to you? Wait to give you hours until you're back in school full time. The fuck.

Scrappy used to piss on everything, if you remember. He hasn't in years though. Since we fixed him I think. Is it normal for diabetic cats to do that? Or maybe it's because you've got a small herd... Trouble used to pee in my room for seemingly no reason and I always suspected it was a territorial thing.

I don't know how to advise you on the Kevin-monogamy situation, really... I don't know if there's necessarily a good way of going about it. It's very murky. Do you think that you'll marry him? I definitely know what it's like to be super codependent, and I know that's not necessarily a horrible thing... Idk. I mean Elizabeth really didn't like the nonmonogamy thing either, I guess the difference was that since she lived far away she didn't feel like she could tell me no, but if she had lived here I think she would have been more up front about that from the get-go. We never really resolved it. I fall for most people I get close to too, but I guess after everything with Nic and Chris and all that shit, I've just been.. totally exhausted. Like, I've pretty much accepted that I have a limited number of slots in my life in terms of people I can be close to and love properly, and between you and Steve and Elizabeth I'm probably near capacity.

I want you to have the options I did, but I dunno how to make that happen for you. It sounds like the conversation has just gotten tiring for both of you.

If you want to get high, I have weed. Lol. I don't know if I could get more but I definitely have enough to smoke you up and maybe me. The only thing is we'll have to do joints, because I don't have a pipe, but I have rolling papers and determination.

I used to be really uncomfrtable with high people too but I definitely have calmed down since I actually experienced it.

Not that I'm any better, but you shouldn't have to be like... conveniently accessible for people to enjoy your company. You deserve more than that. Don't your coworkers ever ask you about your life??? Maybe physical correspondence would help, yeah. It's a lot easier to be free with your thoughts when you're just writing them all down, although sometimes it's hard to send them afterward.

You're gonna have to remind me again to look up Kate Bush because I'm never going to remember. Sounds vaguely familiar though.

Team projects still give me nightmares and I don't think I've done one in four years D: Ugh, god. More reasons for me to procrastinate on College Stuff.

Did you end up under sharing or over sharing? I feel ur pain.

Man, between you and Elizabeth I'm so damn jealous, you're both taking the best classes... she was just telling me last night that her class was talking about the societal compulsory gendering of children.

Elaborate on "finger thingies".

Abnormal psych sounds like a phenomenal class and I'm double jealous now. Not of all your projects though. The way you describe that teacher reminds me of my English teacher in 9th grade, I can't remember her name but we used to call her Skeletor. Fourteen year olds are mean, in hindsight... she was a really nice lady. A little nervous.

I suppose Ed isn't the worst man in the world, but they don't all have to be raging dickwads like my father to be worth tossing out... I just hope your mom doesn't adjust to the wrong things about him, you know? It's one thing to get used to someone's annoying habits and another entirely to get used to being controlled bit by bit.

My dad is mad at me and I know because he hasn't texted me to coerce me into getting dinner in months. Lol. I think it's because I ditched him for a graduation party I said I'd go to, or maybe my brother has a big mouth and said something about me not wanting to hang out with him (or, also possible, my grandma has a big mouth and she told him that me and Steve aren't super impressed with him as a person... last time I visited her she was telling us about how my dad used to put a picture of my moms face on his punching bag, and we were both like "wow he's a dick" which she for some reason didn't seem to agree with. idk man.)

The cat tree thing sounds really great but I dunno if I feel okay letting you do all that for me for nothing... I would probably want to pay you guys, which might defeat the purpose. Free carpet tho that's so excellent???

TJ seems mostly ok at work. Not that how anyone acts at work is necessarily a good measure of how they're holding up emotionally.

Tell me all about the bondage, omg. I've always wanted to get into it but Elizabeth and I broke up just as we were starting to poke around it.

I'm really sorry about Steve. He's really out of line and I honestly still don't understand why, I've tried to talk to him about it a few times but either he acts like he doesn't mind you or he gets annoyed and doesn't want to talk about it. I dunno if it's a jealousy thing or what. He sometimes acts the same way about Elizabeth, so I'm leaning towards yes. I find myself in a similar situation to you where I don't know if I should keep pushing it or not, like I don't know what I should be tolerating... and sometimes I almost wish that he would tell me not to sleep with other people, because as nice as it is that he's always told me that he wants me to do what makes me happy, I wish he was a bit more jealous. Not in a horrible way, just, like. Idk. I'm committed to being with Just Him right now and I wish he was. I want him to be a tiny bit possessive just as like, reassurance that he wants me and just me, you know?

But I digress. He shouldn't have said that to you. You were just trying to be a good friend to me and protect me. Idk what the fuck is wrong with him sometimes.

It's not your fault, I'm also terrible at communication, especially this past year or two. Things have just fallen apart so much. I think I'm starting to get back on my feet though (fingers crossed). We'll see how it goes. Coming up on my attempt anniversary again and I hope it doesn't make me freak out like t did last year.

I'll post the link separately, I'm afraid to leave the app for two seconds to find it while I'm typing this :')

I love you too! I hope this wasn't a lackluster reply, but it's almost 5am and I need to be up very soon unfortunately, so I'm going to take a nap and hope for the best.

~Tonio

#you are the reason that i'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about

0 notes