#yearoftransformation

[anisotropism]

I cannot teach you how to write like me.

You write of pain as an acquaintance, the kind that has given you a mean glare or choice words. You do not know pain as an old friend and mentor, the kind that taught me all that I know, but has forced me to make meaning of it alone.

I cannot teach you anguish.

You write and you do not know why you write some of the things you write--what purpose, what audience, what motive there is to pour ink onto pages. I once wondered the same with what I published, and there's a reason I know that a cry for the world to hear is the same as a call to the void--expecting nothing in response but still hoping someone might intervene.

I cannot teach you torment.

You write like you still have hope, and you do, because if I can give you nothing else, I can give you hope that there will be something there for tomorrow. It's more than I have for myself.

I cannot teach you despair.

I cannot teach you how to write with the things I have left.

Year of Transformation.036

#writerscreed #anisotropism #poetry #writing #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #yearoftransformation

[healing-with-bunnie]

Another horrible, yet wonderful year

It's December again, and I find myself reflecting on where I was at in January. it has been another incredibly complicated year with ups and downs just like the rest.

Exactly a year ago at the beginning of last December, I got out of the hospital again, It's seemingly routine for me for most holiday seasons to need a trip to the mental hospital. A few days after getting out of the hospital it was clear that moving in with my best friend and her partner was the best option for me. Living alone had been incredibly detrimental to my mental health.

Living with my best friend and being in a loving home environment for the first time in my life was quite literally life-changing to me. And I quit my job in fast food management as that was incredibly demanding in ways that were just simply too draining for me. in between that job and my next, I attended an IOP program (intensive outpatient program) essentially equating to 24 hours a week of therapy. which was very hard but in my time there I had made a new friend, and stabilized myself quite a bit. graduating IOP is one of my biggest accomplishments this year.

This year really challenged family dynamics, as due to quite a few different things I was forced to see both of my parents in a horrible new light, which has been incredibly depressing and freeing at the same time. As all i really ever wanted was to feel loved by a family.

While my own family was quite the sore subject, I got closer with my best friend, and her mother who have both been there for me for so long now, it's really been a transition from blood family to found family this year.

then by the beginning of spring, all hell broke loose, as if the ice and snow melting seemingly released some kind of pandora's box on me. Most of spring and summer was kind of a blur at this point.

As I had what I consider to be, the absolute worst month of my life, April 7th my great aunt died, a woman who had been a safe place for me for as long as I can remember. The only family member by whom I felt loved unconditionally, her home had been my safe place. somewhere nothing bad could ever happen. When life was too overwhelming I would escape to her house. Where she would let me eat whatever I wanted, and we would watch whatever I wanted and just talk. I was closer to her than I ever was to either of my parents. Losing her was equal parts devastating and also a relief.

She had been sick most of her life, and the last 3 years of her life were horrible. As awful as it sounds I wished she had died sooner, she was single-handedly the greatest woman I had ever met. She had been a nurse for most of her life, with a very strong attitude and sense of humor. Her birthday was November 11th, and after 2000 she would always use her birthday to remember those who had died in the tragedy. She was truly a selfless woman, being the safe haven for the children in my family who had less-than-stellar parents.

Her funeral was about a week or two later, the second funeral I had ever attended. It was so beautiful and perfect and she would have loved every single detail of it. We spent just as much time laughing as we did crying as she would have wanted. I got the honor of being the last person to speak at her funeral, with a letter I had written to her the day after she died. and I also got plenty of time alone with her urn as people were downstairs.

I got dumped by my boyfriend of 7 or 8 months a day or two later, and it's pretty safe to say I felt as though my life was a complete wreck. And I had just started my new job, and was constantly emotional, crying at the drop of a hat over everything. an overnight shift I had to cover at a hotel for about a month.

A little over a week into that job, my son almost died, and I felt as though I could never catch a break. but I continually used my overnight shift with all of that time alone to myself to journal, and just sit with myself and all the stuff I had just faced.

I'm no stranger to adversity or hardship though, and I just kept trucking through. It seems that the turning point of this year would be my 20th birthday, my son's father and I always made a point to see each other once a year. And I would text him pretty regularly, especially when my relationships would begin to fail and I would find myself single.

Admittedly, I am oblivious, and although my love for him never truly went away even though it had been 4 years since we had ended our relationship I never picked up on the fact that the feeling was entirely mutual.

So when a nasty storm had ruined my plans for my birthday, he drove two hours in torrential downpours to pick me up. two hours back to his mother's in which I would not stop talking the whole time. I wont go into detail of what happened when we got to his home, but I will say this when he kissed me every feeling I thought I had been able to get over finally came flooding back to me.

That kiss felt like it was the most right kiss in my entire life, like every other time anyone else had ever kissed me it always felt wrong and uncomfortable. and at one point he looked into my eyes and said that they were still so beautiful. I was still fighting my real feelings so I punched him in the chest and called him bro.

That afternoon changed the course of my life, as I was only supposed to be living with my best friend until October. though it was only I was struggling to find a place for myself one that I could bring my son to. (I would like to note that I am leaving out some other important details of what happened this year as that is a story for another day)

The next day my son's father started his apprenticeship, as he was finally home from all of his navy training. we would continue to see each other in secret, and talk non-stop. I finally broke down and explained some things to him about my life that I had been keeping secret from everyone. and He promised he would help me.

we officially started dating almost two weeks later at the beginning of August, and by the end of the month he had found an apartment for us then by October he and I began to set in motion something to fix those background details. Which again is a story for another day when I am actually able to tell it.

But as it stands now, here in December, looking back on the crazy rollercoaster that was my 2023, I am thankful, I started this year feeling completely defeated and alone but through the love and patience of my best friend and her partner, I was able to pull myself out of that dark spot enough to finally begin working on myself and growing. I was able to heal and grow enough to impress my son's father, show him how much I had truly changed since we broke up in 2019, and rekindle our relationship. Currently, our relationship is better than it has ever been.

And I am more hopeful than ever, that finally after 20 years I will be able to get free of the blood that has poisoned me for all of my life and build bonds that will free me.

While I know life won't be easy, finally for the first time in my life I know I will never face anything as hard as I have in the past. I will face more unexpected challenges, but now I have the strength to pull myself up and support that will catch me if I fall.

#ReflectionsOf2023 #UpsAndDowns #LifeChanges #FindingStrength #JourneyToSelf #HealingHeart #FromDarknessToLight #FamilyFound #ResilienceInAdversity #TurningPoint #GrowthAndRecovery #RekindledLove #HopefulHeart #NewBeginnings #OvercomingObstacles #YearOfTransformation

[ancestralvoices]

This is not the year to sleep on your potential... Your 50% discount offer (CODE: BLK50) awaits you now: https://ancestralvoices.teachable.com #year #yearofthepig #yearoftransformation #pawn #king #kings #kingsday #hongkong #chess #shadow #reflection #potential #voodoo #ifa #hoodoo #esoteric #knowledge #santeria #witchcraft #witch #pagan #pagani #paganism #egypt #egyptian https://www.instagram.com/p/BuO4XMQnGpC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1h18hwxn4xq2i

#year #yearofthepig #yearoftransformation #pawn #king #kings #kingsday #hongkong #chess #shadow #reflection #potential #voodoo #ifa #hoodoo #esoteric #knowledge #santeria #witchcraft #witch #pagan #pagani #paganism #egypt #egyptian

[edmondtc]

Happy New Year 2018! #nye #newyear2018 #happynewyear #readyforthenewyear #newme #newstart #freshstart #unleashthenewme #newyearsresolutions #newlife #newbeginning #yearoftransformation

#yearoftransformation #newme #readyforthenewyear #nye #happynewyear #newlife #newyearsresolutions #unleashthenewme #newyear2018 #newbeginning #newstart #freshstart

[jessicaayupratiwi]

Lets thrive, not just survive ~ #2018wishlist #happynewyear #yearoftransformation #stayinprogress ☘️🌸

#stayinprogress #happynewyear #yearoftransformation #2018wishlist

[evelovers-blog]

Hi to all my IG friends I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year of 2019 ahead. #eveshare #evelynlim #happynewyear #happy2019 #goodbye2018 #yearoftransformation #iampossible #webecomwhatwethinkabout #ilovemyself #iamworthy #dreamcometrue #neverquit #dontgiveup #iamworthy https://www.instagram.com/p/BsDbluzA9NR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=egpioh9scsmk

#eveshare #evelynlim #happynewyear #happy2019 #goodbye2018 #yearoftransformation #iampossible #webecomwhatwethinkabout #ilovemyself #iamworthy #dreamcometrue #neverquit #dontgiveup

[megnocero]

My Year of Transformation: Don't let the world change the authentic you!

My Year of Transformation: Don’t let the world change the authentic you!

As I set out on this past year looking for transformation,  it is clear as I review all that has happened my intention to change was very strong. I was inspired to pull out my vision boards this morning, one that was done in January as I started 2017 and the second one that was done in July when I was about to resign from one career to move forward to the next.

The themes from the start of 2017…

View On WordPress

#authenticity #empoweredwomen #yearoftransformation #Bliss #celebrate #inspiration

[digitalentrep88]

: At the heart of true success lies an entrepreneur that knows it’s all about putting in the work, versus making excuses. Stop saying I’ll start tomorrow or next week! The time is now! And time waits for nobody. The world will keep evolving, changing, and growing with or without you. If you want it, go for it. Make it your year of transformation and growth! - Decide now, which one are you? Comment “YES” if you’re going to make results happen! - Tag a friend that needs to hear this! 👉🏻👉🏻 - Double tap if you agree. ❤️ - Follow me @digitalentrep88 🔥 - #motivation💯 #motivation💪 #motivationalcoach #inspirationalpeople #inspirationalspeaker #affiliateprogram #affiliateprograms #affiliatemarketer #affiliatemarketing #onlinework #onlinejobs #onlineopportunity #onlinecoaching #onlinebusinesses #onlinebiz #workathome #workfromhomejob #workfromwherever #workfromanywhere #workonline #entrepreneurslife #stopmakingexcuses #makeresults #makeresultsnotexcuses #decidenow #yearoftransformation #yearofgrowth (at Dallas, Texas)

#workathome #affiliatemarketer #onlineopportunity #stopmakingexcuses #onlinejobs #onlinebusinesses #affiliateprogram #yearofgrowth #onlinecoaching #workfromanywhere #makeresultsnotexcuses #workfromhomejob #motivation💯 #inspirationalpeople #affiliateprograms #motivation💪 #workonline #decidenow #workfromwherever #makeresults #yearoftransformation #motivationalcoach #onlinebiz #entrepreneurslife #inspirationalspeaker #affiliatemarketing #onlinework

[anisotropism]

The Banality of Broken Things

-Silverware that's slightly bent -A car's bumper with a dent -A slowing stopwatch, ticks off-time -An ancient mirror caked with grime -Rusting, worn, wrought-iron gate -Old machinery left to fate -A bottle lays in shattered shards -The parts of bikes left in backyards -The best-laid plans that fall apart -A normal, beating, human heart.

Year of Transformation.038

#writerscreed #poetry #writing #anisotropism #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #yearoftransformation

[love-staci]

Embarking on a journey of disciplined, committed rediscovery. There are just over 48 weeks left to the year. Spending them doing the work in the #ArtistsWay series - The Artists Way, Walking In This World, Finding Water and The Prosperous Heart. The Artist's Way literally changed my life when I read it when it was first published. Looking forward to an amazing year of transformative change. #Creative #Change #YearOfTransformation #Creativity #Rituals #Journal

#yearoftransformation #journal #creativity #creative #rituals #artistsway #change

[edmondtc]

Lets rock this shit!!! #trx #trxtraining @trxtraining #yyoga @yyoga #yourbodyisyourtemple #workingout #gettingbackintoshape #newyearnewme #yearoftransformation #health #bestversionofmyself (at Yyoga South Granville)

#bestversionofmyself #newyearnewme #health #yourbodyisyourtemple #trx #trxtraining #yearoftransformation #yyoga #gettingbackintoshape #workingout

[childofaquarius]

for some, reality lies somewhere else. for me reality lies within.

#YearOfTransformation #ExitTheMatrix

[anisotropism]

The Metamorphosis

In those days, I wondered if the winds of change ever reached the doldrums that is my existence, Half-expecting that the stagnant peace that arose tempered by war was the endpoint. You see, it was when I forced myself to go that I contemplated that I could end up worse--not home--but where I started. I wrote of navigation and turning tides, but the journey has always been about becoming different.

When I look upon salvage turned shipwreck, forest became desert, forecasts of rain now drought, embers giving way to ashes-- legacies of creation turned remnants of destruction, I know I've written the same ending to a different story.

I might be told I became a better person, But it is hard to accept that when you feel that you have lost more of your humanity.

Year of Transformation.039

Here ends the Year of Transformation.

#poetry #writing #writerscreed #anisotropism #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #yearoftransformation

[edmondtc]

Coaching oral assessment celebration with the lovely @michelle.lee789 #friends #friendship #celebration #unconditionallove #mysoulsister #sisterfromanothermister #coachingoralassessmentcelebration #newme #yearoftransformation #newyear (at Vancouver, British Columbia)

#newyear #friendship #mysoulsister #unconditionallove #celebration #sisterfromanothermister #yearoftransformation #newme #friends #coachingoralassessmentcelebration

[fashionallstar]

#Rp @bishopjakes #ThrowItBehindYou #TPHDallas #WatchNight2013 #YearOfTransformation

#throwitbehindyou #tphdallas #yearoftransformation #rp #watchnight2013