#you may ask?

[umblrspectrum]

this has been on my todo list for actual goddamn months. do you know how long i've been waiting to draw this fucking t

#why couldn't i draw it earlier #you may ask? #first of all how about you don't ask #second of all i was lazy #speaking of lazy i was like. half lazy in the coloring department? #its confusing #but anyways yeah i always thought this was a funny visual #i think i stole the idea from an @uzi-doorknob post a while back #but replaced n with v cause she seemed more likely to do dumb shit like this #i would've made this three days ago had i not gotten addicted to a certain something. thanks iz #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones v #serial designation v #you can tell exactly where i got even lazier somehow (the board) #art

[evren-sadwrn]

you know what?? *projects onto your marquis de gramont and runs away giggling* anyways hcs :3 (dont say anything i will beat you to death)

warnings: drug/sex/abuse mention pls take care of yourself dont read this when u have any form of triggers regarding these ^_^

Bisexual & She/He (don’t ask thanks)

He latched onto his mother when he was a kid

However she wasn’t nice

She was just more tolerant of her

Vincent liked learning other languages as a child

Because he was always bored(me fr)

He wasn’t allowed to be with other people outside of the house

And god! Don’t you dare assume he ever had love from her mother

I guess that’s how she turned out for the worst

Anyways, hypersexuality

Don’t ask either. Yeah

Uses sex & drugs as a way to cope with stress

He uses narcissism as a way to hide himself from other people

Because she fears that he might get found out as “weak”

^ (as a result of his father’s mental abuse) ^

Severe emotional issues

Actually he doesn’t know how to regulate his own emotions

She either lashes out or just keeps it in until it boils over

Cries when getting frustrated

Despises anti-intellectualism

Feels disgusted at himself for not staying clean(sex & drugs)

Used to go to raves when she was younger

Yeah

Idk every European I know irl does that

#im a girl #an asian girl #how did i project on a FRENCHMAN(read: neither a girl nor asian) #you may ask? #and my answer to that is uh #idk #marquis de gramont #marquis vincent de gramont #vincent de gramont #head canons #🪐evrenwrites #he/she marquis de gramont

[gar-trek]

I wanted to be with you alone

And talk about the weather

#why did I draw #Garashir #you may ask? #well #im a very complicated person #posting this from iPad #Star Trek #ds9 #deep space 9 #elim garak #julian bashir #garsart #fanart

[fawnshy]

me: you know what? i think i'll give among us a try! i've heard so many good things!

5 seconds later:

#alex drabbles #what was our offense #you may ask? #well i made friends with another player #and changed my hat to match theirs #that's it. that's literally it #good game

[keeps-ache]

whoops i've stayed up til three again. how awful

i'm not going to sleep until four i guess. so terrible

#just me hi #active vs. passive #i am very passive rn but also making the active choice to stay up click clacking on my ridiculous keyboard #sitting here #doing nothing in particular #why am i continuing to stay up then #you may ask? #well #i don't have any good reason #not event the outline of one #as a matter of fact i have every reason in the world to go to sleep #nothing waits for me now nor tomorrow #i'm sitting in stale time #tomorrow will suck if i don't go to sleep at least a little earlier #i am currently tired i think. i believe. do i though? #really what is my plan here #well if i go to sleep then what #i have to start again??? #what kind of 'you died: play again' thing is that #why can't i just sit in the same day #this is ludicrous #it's the same old round and round and it never seems to have an end #i do prefer triangles over circles #perhaps that has some weight on this #really what mightn't have weight on all this? the tiniest brush against a teetering contraption sends it over the edge #why not the same in weight? light as a feather #what is my point? #maybe i don't have one #i might have forgotten somewhere here #maybe after the sixth time i hit enter

[hugh-lauries-bald-spot]

yk i think i can pull off a buzzcut

#why do i draw me so often (twice) #? #you may ask? #because i have dysmorphia #and dont have a firm grasp on my appearance #so its fascinating to see how it differs #even just drawing this #staring into my webcam #how my view of me changed #art #my art #me #lol

[calamity-aims]

ONLY ONE MORE COMMISSION and then it’s back to your regularly scheduled content 

#what is the regularly scheduled content #you may ask? #probably making my mutuals and I's OCs have either very bad or very good times #need to design Hot Rod jedi #need to pay attention to my boy Neyo #need to write some Drift and Remedy catharsis #need to draw vicious son boy and blank son boy

[bixels]

Baffled.

#personal #not art #like how do you arrive at this conclusion #what beliefs? #the man may be a total grouch but if there’s one thing he HATES it’s Japanese nationalism #Japanese nationalists famously HATE his work especially the wind rises which criticizes imperial Japan and calls out the invasion of China #don’t ask for context on the first part of the tag I’m not answering

[slushy-sash]

very important research

#cunty ah cowboy #what is he researching you may ask #he's studying the relationship between the angle of body leaning and cuntiness #its a positive correlation #honkai star rail #hsr #dr ratio #veritas ratio #boothill #my art

[piratedllama-art]

Quarters only, please [x <- prints here]

(done in procreate)

#piratedllama art #horror art #liminal #digital art #realism #procreate #digital painting #animals in weird places #shoebill stork #laundromat #hi this took 49.5 hours #32 hours spent on rendering the washing machines #and you may ask 'why did you do that?' #and to that i would reply #idk #just for kicks and giggles #liminal art #scary bird #bird art #horror #liminal horror #surrealism #llerbles

[thecurseofoakhavenofficialblog]

the only acceptable soundtrack for fighting a giant mythical monster: spectre by Alan Walker

#this is true and nobody can debate that #authors #book blog #writing prompts #libraries #literature #writing #authors be like #reminder to write #just my writing style #How do I know this #You may ask? #Definitely not experience #No sir #Not at all #but like #im not wrong #anywho

[cemeterything]

plenty of "girl who looks cute wearing her boyfriend's clothes" content out there but not enough "guy who looks cute wearing his girlfriend's clothes" in my opinion. where's your commitment. where's your bisexuality.

#🐉 #men!!! if you think your gf looks hot in her outfits ask her if you can try them yourself. results may surprise you.

[catfoodsminmo]

i love u characters who are victims who don't show things in a way that's appealing i love u characters whos trauma leaves them with anger issues, with violence issues, with issues with connection and trust and being truthful i love you characters who don't get "better" in a way that's palatable, who don't find growth and meaning in their trauma

#who is this about you may ask? #there are many such cases but right now the big two are dean winchester and astarion ancunin #though i could strongly argue that lestat de lioncourt also falls heavily into this category

[xuroky]

dinner is ready

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #farcille #falin touden #marcille donato #my art #whats for dinner you may ask

[justletmereadmycomics]

S-so... I had an idea...

and I didn’t pay much attention to it... I drew like one character for it and just... let them be...

Today though... I kinda ran away with it and made a full page of notes whilst I was meant to be doing my math homework.

#It’s a my own TMNT iteration #What is it called #you may ask? #The title is still being workshopped #But so far it’s just #TMTWP #No you will not get the un-acronymed version #Not yet anyways

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

#writeblr #the book.... #coming soon #hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book” #i wrote the book #it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written #this is maybe too honest lol #okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may