#THIS SONG MAKES ME FEEL FERAL DEEP IN MY BONES

[lauriemarch]

TOSS YOUR DIRTY SHOES IN MY WASHING MACHINE HEART BABY BANG IT UP INSIDE I'M NOT WEARING MY USUAL LIPSTICK I THOUGHT MAYBE WE WOULD KISS TONIGHT

I KNOW WHO YOU PRETEND I AM

WHY NOT ME WHY NOT ME WHY NOT ME

#THIS SONG MAKES ME FEEL FERAL DEEP IN MY BONES #MITSKI MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE AFTER SOBBING FOR THREE STRAIGHT HOURS #anywho! #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dark academia vibes #light acadamia aesthetic #light academia #mitski #washing machine heart #studyblr #booklr #studying #study notes #book blog

[milswrites]

The bonds that tie us

~Azriel X Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Azriel accept the mating bond.

Warnings: Smut! 18+ MNDI, p in v

Azriel’s golden eyes stayed locked on yours. His intense gaze piercing your own until you could feel his searching presence in your very soul. Each heavy breath which escaped from his lips sent delightful tingles down your spine.

The sweet scent of his growing arousal permeated the air, causing you to slightly shift in your seat at the anticipation of the events to come.

“So?” You ask impatiently, tearing your eyes away from Azriel to look to the chocolate cake sitting in the middle of the table.

The cake which you had spent the past few hours baking. Pouring your love into the mixture as you did so, making sure everything was perfect for your mate.

It was a masterpiece. Your proudest work. And yet the shadowsinger never spared it a glance, not even as he entered the room. Instead he had walked in, burning gaze never failing to leave you as he sat down in the chair opposite. Failing to give you any other reaction except his heady scent of want which filled the room intoxicatingly.

He gulped deeply at the sound of your voice, finally moving his hazel eyes to the food before him. Face drawn black as he allowed the realisation of what this meant to settle deep into the marrow his bones.

“It’s for me?” He asked, voice thick with tension as he took in the cake before him, his eyes briefly closing as he inhaled the delectable smell of the fresh sponge.

“Yes Az” you replied, lips stretching into a smile as you watched the trace of glee wash over his expression. You pressed your thighs together, searching for some relief as you noted the darkness which crept into his passionate stare.

“This is what you want?” Azriel questions, the low rumble of his voice reverberated through your chest, tugging lightly on the taught strings of your heart.

“It is,” you confirmed, leaning your torso forward to enable you to reach the cake in order to cut the male a slice, “And you? Is this what you want?”

“Unquestionably” he replied, watching the way you delicately sliced through the layers of the cake before placing it on the plate before him. Settling back into your seat as your expectant eyes fell onto him.

But instead of eating, he began to speak. Forcing himself to say what had to be said before he’s too consumed by his feral need to devour you whole.

“I spent five hundred years waiting for you” he started, slowly running his tongue along his lips to wet them as he thought of exactly what he wanted to say, “And I would have waited five hundred more if it meant I got to be with you at the end of it.”

Your eyes began to water at the truth which laced his words, his honest eyes coming to meet your own.

“I always thought you were too good for me. The horrors of my past, the grim nature of my job. I couldn’t see how I could deserve you.”

He paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. You allowed him to assemble his words in silence, your time to speak would come. This confession he needed to get off his chest alone.

“You are my other half, my soul belongs to you. I see that now. And I’m ready for it, I am. I do deserve you, and I will spend the rest of my life knowing that. You are my mate. And the stars will sing our song forever.”

Azriel made no move towards the cake. So you took this as a sign that it was your turn to speak.

“I love you Azriel. I have for a long time, and not just because the cauldron intended for it to be so. My heart is yours to keep, and for as long as I shall live my love for you will know no bounds nor have any limits. I’m yours Az, I always have been.”

A rough growl broke from his lips at your final statement, his sharp jaw locking into place as he resisted the urge to jump on you then and there, cake be damned.

His fiery gaze remained on you as he lifted the sweet cake to his lips and began to eat. His chest heaving with the effort it was taking to finish the entire slice, the outpour of desire which flooded into his system was almost too unbearable to deny.

Finally he put the last remnants of the cake into his mouth, taking the time to deliciously lick the rich chocolate from his long fingers. Amber gaze still unwavering.

The atmosphere was electric. The overwhelming scent of your joint arousal was becoming too difficult to ignore and so you allowed your instincts to take control. Leading you from the rickety wooden chair across the room, until you were stood between the open legs of your lover. Of your mate.

His tender hands came to rest at your waist, the heat of their teasing touch burning and you had to resist the urge to hiss at their devastating presence. Lowering your face until your lips tantalisingly brushed against his own, you plucked on the newfound bond which had settled in your chest as you finally spoke to him through the golden thread.

My gorgeous, handsome mate.

Azriel closed the gap between you, sealing his soft lips against yours as they danced together in a passionate embrace. His rough hands tugging you towards him until you were comfortably sat in his lap, your legs splayed open on either side of his firm thighs.

It was as though you were a feral beast chasing after its prey. Devouring your mates lips as your tongues entwined, teeth occasionally clashing together at the messy intensity of the kiss.

Your control had vanished, leaving no trace behind until all that remained was your profound need to take Azriel in every possible way that you could.

Your desperate hands tugged wildly at his clothes, begging the male to remove them. The overpowering need to feel his bare skin on yours was blinding.

Understanding your needs Azriel briefly broke the kiss, allowing you to pull his constricting shirt from his body, uncaring as you tossed it across the room before connecting your lips against him once more.

Able to now feel the soft warmth of his bare skin, you raked your nails along his abdomen, drawing a long deep moan from his throat. His eyes squeezed together tightly as though in pain, as though your teasing touches weren’t enough to satisfy him.

He needed more.

Azriel wanting to feel your enthralling heat wrapped around his cock as he pounded into you. Each deep thrust signalling his claim over you. Over his mate.

And so in his need and impatience, the male stood. Holding you tightly in his strong arms as he made his way to the bedroom, lips never once straying from your own.

Entering the room he softly laid you upon the silken sheets, stripping you of your clothes as his sultry gaze was finally able to look upon your naked form.

His scarred hands having a mind of their own as they travelled the expanse of your skin, drawing sinful sounds from your lips as he lightly traced your nipples before connecting his mouth to your breasts.

Taking turns in worshipping each one, leaving purple pebbles in his wake as he gently bit and sucked at the tender skin, before trailing up your body to show the same love to the sensitive skin of your neck.

All the while your hips bucked up against his own in desperation, your aching core pulsating with its need for relief.

Ever the attentive lover, Azriel slipped his hand down the contours of your body until his skilled fingers met the area where you were most sensitive. His long fingers lazily tracing circles onto your clit as he turned his smirking lips to your face.

“What is it you need princess?” He goaded, fingers continuing their circular motion, “my fingers?” He brushed them lightly against your core, “my tongue?” He traced his tongue along the line of your neck as he spoke, drawing a whiny cry from your lips.

Bucking your whips against him once more, your fingers began to grip the sheets of the bed as you begged, “your cock Az please. Give me your cock.”

“Is that what my mate desires?” He growled lowly against the sensitive skin of your neck, “For me to pound her to completion with my cock?” He slipped his fingers inside you as he spoke, pumping them to the rhythm of your moving hips as he continued to speak, “Is that what you need princess?”

Unable to speak you whined in response, eager hands unbuttoning his trousers as you longed not to waste another minute.

Compliant, Azriel removed his soaking fingers from your core. Aiding you with removing his trousers and undergarments until his aching cock stood to attention before you. Red tip already leaking from the intensity of his desire.

“I want you to fuck me like you own me Az” you breathed, locking your black eyes with his own, “show your mate how you would worship her.”

Groaning at your words, Azriel lines himself up at your core. His teasing head brushing along your folds until he finally gave in to his longing and began to push himself in.

Satisfied moans tearing from both your mouths as he continued to enter you until he was fully sheathed. Stilling for a few moments as he allowed you to adjust to his large size.

Finally, you signalled him to move by thrusting your hips upwards towards his own, begging for the male the fuck you.

And Azriel did. Pounding into you forcefully, guttural moans slipping from his lips as his hips met yours again and again. Powerful cock thrusting in and out of you repeatedly.

The bond - the newly established golden thread which tied the two of you together - glowed brightly. Its presence creating an overwhelming intensity that drew you closer and closer to your completion with an unexpected ferocity.

The delicious sensation of your mates cock slipping in and out of your soaking core was enough to start to tip you over the edge of bliss, stars entering your vision with every thrust your mate delivered.

“That’s it” Azriel panted, the rhythmic movement of his hips never faltering, “You’re doing so well baby. Let it take over, show me you’re mine.”

You came undone with a pleasured cry, body spasming at the sensation as Azriel continued the brutal pace of his thrusts as he chased his own high. With your vision clouded by satisfaction, the only tell of him finding his completion was the strangled cry which tore from his throat as his thrusts finally slowed, the male delivering the last few twitching thrusts before he came undone inside of you with a groan.

Carefully, he withdrew himself from your core, moving so he was laid next to you. A gentle hand coming to caress your slightly sweaty skin, finger trailing the curve of your hips up to your ribcage before repeating the action.

“That was perfect” you hummed in contentment, pleased with the calming sensation that had settled in the wake of your high. Tired breaths still escaping from your lips.

“You think that’s it?” Azriel asked with a smirk, “My love that was just the beginning. I’ve yet to bring you apart with my tongue.”

Your cheeks flushed with heat at the promises which rolled from his lips.

“My darling mate,” he crooned, “you’re sorely mistaken if you think you’re leaving this bed before the end of the week. I’m going to explore every last heavenly inch of your body.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: Ummmmm if you read this no you didn’t 🫣🫣🫣 this was only my second time writing smut so I’m sorry it’s bad and let’s all forget this exists ok?

#acotar #fanfic #acotar imagine #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses #azriel x reader #azriel imagine #azriel #azriel smut #azriel shadowsinger

[twodogs-twocats]

Taste Me (Sleep Token's Vessel x fem pov) 18+, NSFW

You have a rather gory nightmare about your boyfriend Vessel. Upon waking, Vessel comforts you by drawing inspiration from the nightmare itself. Inspired by the song "Sugar."

Warnings: SMUT - 18+, Minors DNI. Oral, gore, cannibalism, bondage, scary scenarios.

I’ve had this idea floating around in my head for awhile. Sugar is one of my favorite songs, gets me super inspired 😉

~~~

We still know how to bleed.

I woke slowly, my consciousness settling bit by bit. A cold, flat surface pressed into my back, but the chill of it was not quite enough to pull me out of my stupor. My eyes remained shut, heavy and dry from sleep.

I took in a shuddering breath. A strange warmth permeated my chest, sort of like I was melting. In fact, my whole body felt wrong, weightless and incorporeal. My mind scrambled to figure out why I had not woken up in my bed, but it couldn’t grasp anything solid. Everything felt foggy, just beyond the realm of understanding. 

I unglued my tongue from the roof of my mouth, licking apart my lips. Cautiously, I wiggled my fingers, trying to summon some energy to my limbs. My bones, however, creaked in protest.

“I wouldn’t move too much if I were you.” The voice came from somewhere behind me. I attempted to tilt my head toward the voice, immediately bringing on a wave of nausea. 

“I need you to stay still so you can keep marinating, my love.” 

Vessel? I knew that voice better than anything. I relaxed slightly. If Vessel was here, then I was okay.

“Vessel, where are you?” I mumbled in a gravely voice.  Even speaking brought about a soreness deep in my chest. “What is going on? Where am I?” Marinating?

A shuffle of fabric, followed by the creak of floorboards.

“My love, you are so, so sweet.” His voice was closer now, like he was standing above me. “I needed to taste you. And not just your soft lips, your gentle breath — I needed more. I am quite addicted to you, you know?”

A chill ran down my spine and at that moment I realized I was completely naked. The cool air whispered along my bare skin. I tried to move my hands again, but it felt like something was holding my wrists captive to the surface underneath me. I began to struggle against the restraints, yet every movement sent a jolt of pain through my body. Panic set in.

“I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Vessel continued. His voice was low, dripping with a feral sensuality. “I tried to make sure you wouldn’t feel a thing. I only wanted a taste. But then I had more, and more, and more.” Behind my closed lids, I could now feel his warm breath on my face. 

“Vessel, what are you talking about?” My chin trembled. “Where am I? Why can’t I move?” A tear escaped my eyelids, sliding down my cheek. “I don’t feel good.” 

“Do not cry beautiful.” He said, wiping my tear away. “Come, let me show you just how much I crave you.”

I felt his fingers brush across my eyelids, using the moisture of my tears to slowly lift my lids open. At first the light above me burned, and I squinted against the glare. Little by little, the room came into focus.

I was in my dining room. I could tell by the dusty chandelier above me. So the surface I was laying on must be my dining table… which made absolutely no sense.

Vessel appeared just off to my right, handsome as always. As I took him in, I noticed there was more red on him than normal. In fact, almost all the exposed skin of his face and chest was covered in thick rivulets of red liquid. It looked like blood.

“You are truly a delicacy,” he whispered, his teeth bared slightly. “In fact, you’ve spoiled me. I had thought I would save the best for last, but I just couldn’t resist. It was just so… tempting.” 

Vessel now held his hand out towards me, his fingers wrapped around something thick, round, and red. The same red liquid that coated Vessel’s face dripped off the object, falling to the floor. It looked like some sort of raw meat. Bile rose in my throat. Whatever it was, he had been eating it. My Vessel, eating something so -

“Thoroughly delicious. That is what you are.”

The thing in his hand was moving rhythmically. Thump thump, like a beating heart.

And then it hit me, everything falling into place. My breath came in gasps, my head ached, sweat pooled under my shoulders. With all this panic, this confusion, my heart should have been pounding too. But instead my heart was utterly quiet. I became cold as ice, as I pulled my gaze away from Vessel and looked down at my chest.

Where there should have been skin, there was a gaping hole, running from the bottom of my throat to the top of my belly button. Sticking out of my chest like blood-covered trees were my upper ribs, as though they had been broken and forced apart. My lungs were there, frantically expanding and contracting amidst the gore. But where there should have been a heart, there was nothing. 

My heart, utterly devoured by Vessel.

“I can’t give you up now, my love.” He smiled a bloody smile. “I’ve developed a taste for you.”

I screamed.

We still know how to feed. 

I shot upright in bed, struggling to catch my breath. Frantically, I brought my hands to my chest. There it was, the strong, rhythmic beat of my heart.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Vessel sat up next to me, turning on the bedside lamp. I flinched away from him as the light hit his face, and his eyes immediately flooded with concern. 

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe.” He held his hand out towards me, just far enough to let me close the distance. My Vessel. The one I love, a gentle voice in my head whispered. My body slowly relaxed and I let out a big sigh. Vessel would never hurt me. It was just a bad dream. I took his hand and allowed him to pull me into his lap. His broad chest pressed into my back as he wrapped his arms around me.

“You’re okay, everything is okay.” He whispered into my hair. The warmth of his breath sent waves of ease down my spine. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was just a bad dream. You- you were in it,” I spoke shyly, nervous to admit how afraid of him I had been. “You were… eating me.”

“Oh?” He smirked. “And why is that bad dear? Was I that bloody dreadful at it?”

I chuckled. He always knew how to make me feel better. “No, not like that. You were eating me alive. You had me all tied up and cut open. And you were eating my heart. It was pretty awful.”

He pulled me tighter. “I’m so sorry love. It was just a dream. You know I would never hurt you.”

“I know,” I said, nuzzling into his chest. 

We sat quietly for some time as I filled him in on some of the more vivid details of my dream. He ran his hands along my arms and my back, laughing lightly at some of the more absurd bits. Gradually I found myself laughing too. My dream was already fading into the void where dreams go.

“Just so you know, while I may not be eating you alive anytime soon” he smirked, “I do still find you quite addicting.” His fingers softly grasped my chin as he pulled my face to his. Rather that his typical ornate white mask, he usually wore a soft cotton mask to bed. His chin was still left exposed, and my gaze settled on his lips as they formed a slow smile. “I don’t want your last thought of me before bed to be me as some sort of psychotic cannibal. Allow me to make a better impression.”

My hand lightly traced the lines of his chest and abdomen. The image of him eating me on the dining table flashed into my mind, but somehow, rather than making me afraid, I felt a yearning in my core.

He leaned his face towards me and I brought my mouth to his. The kiss started gently, like he was asking a question. As much as Vessel claimed to be addicted to me, it was nothing compared to my voracious desire for him. I turned to face him fully, coming to straddle his lap. I knew he understood my answer when he ran his hands through my hair, grabbing fistfuls of it as his lips pressed more forcefully into mine. I felt his tongue travel along my mouth, and I parted my lips to let him in. The taste of him fully consumed me as he explored.

His large hands began to travel down my back until he found my ass. Fingers digging in, he pulled me closer to him. I felt his cock beneath his black boxers, already hard and pressing against me. My low belly started to burn with anticipation. I rocked my hips back and forth, grinding against his length, encouraging his arousal. His fingers tightened their grip as he moaned into my mouth.

Before I knew it, he had flipped me onto my back, pushing my oversized t-shirt up to reveal my naked body. “I really could eat you,” he chuckled deeply. Only Vessel could turn something so terrifying into something so incredibly sexy.

He began to trail kisses down my body, lingering at each of my nipples as he pulled them into his mouth with a soft bite. I gasped at the wetness of his tongue. The kisses continued all the way down to my thighs, where he took the sensitive flesh of my legs between his teeth.

My hips bucked, wanting more, wanting his mouth on me. “My my, aren’t you hungry?” He growled. I whimpered in response. “Let me show you how hungry I am too.” 

Vessel’s mouth met the wetness between my legs. His tongue trailed between the folds, sucking, biting, kissing. He slipped his tongue inside of me, moaning at my taste. Every movement of his was intended to please. His strong arms pushed my legs farther apart as he took my clit in his mouth. I cried out at the intense feeling, trying to pull away, but he held me firmly in place. He brought one hand back to my breasts, his thumb circling my nipples, overwhelming me with sensation. I felt heat building as I approached orgasm. If this is what it felt like to be consumed by Vessel, then it was no nightmare. It was euphoria.

“Good girl,” he said, his breath hot against me. “But I know you can give me more.” He quickly brought his mouth back, resuming his feast. Stars flashed across my vision as I came, my back arching away from the bed. He continued to taste me through my orgasm, relishing every moment. 

As I slumped back into the bed, I watched Vessel lick his lips, delighting in my taste. Seeing how much he enjoyed me led to another wave of arousal. I always needed more of him. He must have seen this in my eyes, for he started to crawl back up towards me. His lips met mine for a kiss, and I tasted myself on him.

“Don’t worry my love.” He grinned down at me, a trail of sweating traveling down his bare chest. “I always come back for seconds.”

#sleep token #writing #sleep token fanfiction #vessel #vessel fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

[moody-alcoholic]

Freaky Friday.. Feral Friday?

MDNI +18 content ahead!!

I've been trying to improve my writing, especially when it comes to NSFW/smut. So I have been turning my SFW scenes into NSFW scenes! Enjoy! This is my first time writing smut please be gentle feedback is appreciated <3

I'm still trying to post this at 2am because i'm new and tumblr confuses me 🤦‍♀️

Enjoy the song I had on loop while writing this scene <3

“Oh yeah it was John’s.” I say poking the wrench. He puts his bag down in the hallway and closes the door behind him. I looked at him as he pulls his mask off. I could feel my heartbeat pick up. We looked at each other for a few seconds before jumping into each others arms. Our lips met as he picked me up. I wrapped my arms round his neck running and my legs around his waist running my fingers through his hair. This was the first time we had been truly alone in almost a year. I let him carry me to a sofa. The room was lit up in shades of red and orange as the sun was setting. We fell onto the sofa. I took his jacket off and he took my belt off as we continued to kiss each other. Every time he touched me in a new place it sent tingles through my whole body. It had been years since I had been with another man especially one I felt so close and safe with. Simon stopped kissing my mouth and worked his way down my neck. I was wearing a tank top, he kissed my collar bones, my chest and worked his way down on his knees. He lifted up my shirt slightly to see the bandage next to my belly button. He stopped for a second and touched it. “Does it hurt?” he asked, looking at me his eyes glistening in the evening sunset burnt oranges and browns, his eyes were lighter without the paint. I shook my head. He came back up and kissed me I kissed him deep, grabbing his shoulders trying to pull him on me. He pulled away and stroked my face.

“I missed you.” He said. “I missed you too,” I say. He smiled and moved back down to my waist kissing my stomach. I enjoy every moment of him touching me slowly working his fingers round my body getting gradually more and more intimate. He pulls my track suit bottoms off exposing my underwear, he kisses them and I blush feeling his wet tongue parting my lips through the underwear. I moan grabbing his hair. I feel him laugh as he grabs my hips keeping me still. He pulls my underwear off and I spread my legs for him. The house phone rings. He looks up at me for a second and I shake my head ignoring it. He continues to push his mouth deeper letting his tongue run everywhere. The ringing stops but then immediately starts up again. He looks up again I roll my eyes and reach over for the phone. “MaC.. Williams household.” I say, Simon smiles waiting a second. “You are doing the training next week Sergeant?” I hear Price say on the other end. “Price?” I ask. I feel Simon giggle he grips my waist harder, his nails digging into my skin. His tongue moves faster finding my clit. I grip his hair trying to stop him. “Yes who else would it be.” He replies sounding annoyed. I have to stop myself from moaning, his tongue is rough his grip strong. I squeeze his head with my thighs but it only makes him grip me harder, moving faster. I hold back moans covering my mouth. I breathe for a second trying to compose myself as he pulls me deeper in his mouth. “Yeah Monday next week. I know Price.” I say as fast as I can. “Monday at 6?” He asks and and says something else but I cant hear it takes so much effort to not make noise while Simon starts sucking on my clit. “I’ll be there, Price I have to go.” Why cant he just send a text I think hanging up throwing the phone on the sofa. I giggle as he pulls away. He looks at me my body is shaking as he strokes my cheek. “You taste amazing.” He says. Fuck that sends vibrations through my body. “I love you.” I hear him whisper in my ear as he kisses my neck. He's so gentle and his lips are so soft he maneuvers his arms around my back and lays me flat on the sofa “Are you okay?” he asks, I feel my cheeks flush. “I’m fine.” I say he kisses me his lips sweet on mine, my heart rate racing. I pull him down on me, I can feel his erection rubbing against my stomach as he goes back to kissing my neck. I reach down and pull his shirt off running my hands up and down his back. I can’t help but dig my nails into his shoulders. His breath is hot on my neck. He moves one of his hands to my throbbing clit. It’s almost enough to send me over the edge. I can tell he can feel it on me as he stops rubbing and unbuckles his belt. I feel him insert two fingers I moan as he rubs the wet walls of pussy, finding my sweet spot. “You’re so tight.” He whispers in my ear. All I can do is moan as he takes out his fingers replacing them with his cock. “Si..” I breath into his neck, my hands moving to his waist. He inserts himself into me my body tingles as I hear him moan in my ear. I feel goosebumps on his back as I run my hands up and down. I can’t help but moan with him, feeling his body react to mine. I feel his breath quicken as he thrusts in and out of me. I feel like I am at the edge already. I clench, trying to stop myself.

“It’s okay..” He says his thrusting getting quicker. “Cum for me..” I dig my nails into his shoulder. I feel like if I grip him any tighter I will draw blood. I try to stop the waves of euphoria pulsating through my body. He moves faster trying to match my rapid breathing. I can barely breath, I don’t want to. I feel his hot breath in my ear, his moaning not making it easier as he thrusts deeper and faster. I can’t hold it any longer I let go moaning his name as he grunts in my ear. I feel him fill me up his rock hard cock throbbing against my swollen walls. I pant feeling my body heat up as the adrenaline fades. I look at him his pupils dilated. I touch his cheek. He is still inside me as he leans down and kisses me deep and hard his tongue rubbing against mine. I run my hand through his hair. He pulls back smiling at me. I smile back, as he brushes hair out my face.

Chapter 4 for SFW comparison.

#call of duty #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #smut #simon ghost riley #cod #ghost cod

[00ops1e]

Sunshine for Everyone pt.2

Pricefield! Fluff!

Life is Strange - Max Caufield x Chloe Price

After saving Chloe at the expense of Arcadia Bay, our favorite girls are forced to flee their hometown. It soon becomes apparent that while they can run from the storm, running from their desires just isn't plausible.

click here for part one

“I swear I could sleep forever,” Max mutters, cuddling into the blanket further. The motel had proven to be a good idea, using someone else’s hot water and blankets was always nice. The pair were too tired to even notice the television only had four channels, or that the mattress was a little lumpy. Maybe things just weren’t so bad if they had each other.

“We can stay as long as you'd like,” Chloe trails off, “s’cheap enough anyways we deserve a vacation.” she babbles with eyes half closed, no longer sure of her words. The girls lay in bed, inches between. The last room available happened to be a single, and she had managed to haggle the price down, so fucking score again. When the man in the office mentioned the single bed, Chloe felt something flutter deep in her gut. It was a giddy, childlike feeling, but muddled with some sort of anxiety. 

Max shifted in the bed, mind still racing, “Will you hold me?” She heard the words fall from her lips before they even registered in her brain. The question appears to catch both girls off guard. It hung in the air for a moment, Max began to babble, face growing red, “I- 'm sorry I really didn’t mean to… I just, I can't stop it's all too much. I don’t know what's w-wrong with me.”

Without hesitation, she pulls the smaller girl into her arms, as if rehearsed, as if Chloe had been waiting a lifetime. Instantly the tension evicts Max’s body. The sweet musk of her shampoo, perfume, whatever it was completely enveloped Chloe. Holding her tight just felt natural, like all was well with the world. Comforting others has never come easy for Chloe, always awkward, never knowing what to say or do. Not with Max though, she made everything easy. Existing with her felt like hearing an old song and singing along perfectly, yet recalling none of the lyrics. She traces small circles into Max’s back, the smaller girl somewhat buried in her chest.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Chloe starts, angry at the world for putting her max through all of this, “y-you didn't ask for any of this. You shouldn't have seen even half the shit you did. Max, I swear to you if there was a way I could take it all away, I’d do it.” Max looks up at her, tears in those beautiful blue eyes threatening to spill. A pang of fear hits Chloe right in the gut. Did she say something wrong? Did Chloe cause those tears? 

She begins to ramble, “Shit, I’m not saying I'm not glad I found you again, or that you shouldn’t have saved me or-or anything like that,” a sense of urgency laced her tone, god she was supposed to be helping not making it worse. “I just- I wish I could fix it, seriously Max. I am so so fucking happy you’re with me again. I don’t know, I guess, i-i just feel like it's all my fault” Her voice thickened towards the end, holding back a sob. ‘This is not about you Chloe,’ she thinks, reprimanding herself for being so selfish. But the guilt had been festering, gnawing at her organs like some feral dog with a bone. She was the reason the whole world had turned upside down.

“C-Chloe,” Max mumbled, sitting up to look at her properly. With shaky hands, she took the girl's face in her hands. Forcing Chloe to meet her eyes, hands lingering on her cheeks a bit too long before pushing the messy blue hair behind her ears. Her hands rest languidly on Chloe’s shoulders, reassuring her somehow. Max sat and contemplated her next words before answering, “None of this was you, okay? This is some freak-supernatural stuff okay? I do not blame you. Do you hear me? Please don't ever think that. I’d go through it all again if it meant I had you. Chloe, you're my best friend.”

It was like Max was able to reach inside and undo the knots in Chloe’s stomach. No one had ever done so with such ease, such grace. Not even Rachel, though that hurt to admit. Max just knew her, regardless of the years apart. Deep down, way below the rough punk girl exterior, Chloe was still the same little girl Max had grown up with. A soft smile inched its way to the surface, god how could she not smile looking at her? The way her hair fell, perfectly framed those soft doe eyes. Those fucking freckles and long lashes. The way Max would look up at her, eyelids heavy, how could anyone keep a straight face? Chloe hadn’t realized she was staring until she felt a soft squeeze on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Chloe mustered up, embarrassment pricking at her cheeks. She shifted in place, yearning for closeness once more. These feelings, they can't be normal. Max’s words reverberate in her skull, ‘my best friend’  they stung a little. Those ten letters formed a lump in her throat, a pit in her chest. The words had some sort of mal effect on her, and she just couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Chloe once again chalked it up to just feeling weird about Arcadia.

The blank look in Chloe’s eyes prompts Max to speak. Whatever had her in such a trance could not possibly be kind. Max used a shaky hand to brush the girl’s cheek, “Do you think we could get some sleep now?” she proposed, pulling Chloe from the complexities that danced in her mind. 

She nods silently and lays her head on the pillow, wriggling slightly to settle in. Max drapes an arm around her shoulders, pulling that mess of blue hair onto her chest. Upon feeling the weight on her chest, Max lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. This was a comfort unknown to her, never before had she felt this light. An absentminded hand travels to Chloe’s hair, despite all the bleach and dye damn it was soft. With her fingers tangled in the blue locks, everything felt right in the world.

“Everything that happened was so terrible,” Max breathes, wanting to offer one final comfort before slumber claimed them both, “It was so terrible, we’re not okay. But we’re gonna be. We can work through it Price, we’re a team and-and we can heal together. I’ll help you, we don't have to face things alone.” max consoled, her voice wavering ever so slightly. 

“It's you and me against the world Caufield, now and forever,” Chloe assured, tightening her grip on the smaller girl, as if afraid she’d get snatched away, “seriously max, what would I do without you?” she let out a small chuckle before closing her eyes and passing out, still entangled with her best friend.

I have yet to begin writing the rest of this (call of duty brainrot is taking over my life) but i promise my google doc has many many ideas. stay tuned ig? lots of love, liz

#life is strange #lis 1 #lis #life is strange fanfiction #chloe price #max caulfield #chloe x max #max x chloe #pricefield #rachel amber #kate marsh #friends to lovers #sapphic #syd matters #obstacles

[1000punks]

bonding. //the playlist

for the folks who want something to listen to while you read bonding., here are some of the songs that i felt fit the fic. ♡

if you want a detailed reason/analysis (song-by song) head under the cut. otherwise, enjoy. and thank you to everyone who supports this fic!

after midnight - wayv this song is all about the baser/physical aspects of intimacy, it's night-based, and it talks a lot about secrets and desires. my favorite line is: that someone's scent and someone's secret, someone's scent breaks the gap between each other - which i'm sure sounds more eloquent in chinese. (translation here!)

the summoning - sleep token i know this is the "token astarion thirst trap song" but i think i particularly like the lines: raise me up again, take me past the edge, i want to see the other side. new life, pushing boundaries in a healthy way.

rain - sleep token favorite lines: and i don't wanna get in your way but i finally think i can say that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me - nuff said.

hell above - pierce the veil cannot spend another night in this home i close my eyes and take a breath real slow the consequence is if i leave, I'm alone but what's the difference when you beg for love? this song is very astarion to me, i feel like it's reminiscent of his escape/kidnapping at the very beginning of the game, as well as that first sexual encounter.

first light - hozier another token astarion song! festé, to me, is very sun-coded. and i think this would be astarion's way of saying that he didn't know things could be this good before that damned imp walked unceremoniously into his life.

haunted - type o negative this part: a living flame, impossible to resist; burning me deep with every bite, kiss and lick. astarion's thirst, and the effect festé's blood and body seems to have on him. also, the way he can't figure them out even though they're very up-front about the things they say and do.

sexual healing - marvin gaye, kygo this one is pretty obvious but!

mother may i - coheed & cambria i wanted to grab this one as a nod to one of astarion's voice lines. but this line: god only knows when your word isn't pure, and the blood on your hands isn't yours screams to astarion's guilt for manipulating them. oopsie

boy division - my chemical romance this line: i buy my enemies rope to hang me and the knives to gang me; you can watch them stab me on your television referring to astarion feeling like he was complicit in his own trauma, and the anger that goes along with that. also the coffin part (:'D)

vampires will never hurt you - my chemical romance can you take this spike? will it wash away this jet black feeling? i think, deep down, he feels guilty for having to feed on them, and in general, being the way that he is. of course, they accept him fully but he doesn't accept that, not at the start. also heehoo vampire song

please please please let me get what i want - deftones good times for a change that's it, post. no but this version of this song to me speaks desire, not just melancholy and longing like the smiths (i honestly hate the smiths). deftones brought a more "feral" quality to this cover that i really like.

vore - sleep token your flesh and bone welcome me in, welcome me in are you in pain like i am? will we remain stuck in the throat of gods? will the pain stop if we go deeper? this one is for both of them, honestly. that moment where you realize that, emotionally and physically, you're in too deep with someone to quit, to cut things off.

irresistible - fall out boy this is just for the bdsm elements HAH. no but this entire song, i don't know why it fits them both exactly, but it does. the way they both go through the absolute worst trauma (both apart and together) and can still mostly laugh, shrug, make love, and keep on living.

w.a.m.s. - fall out boy my head's in heaven, my soles are in hell let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well on astarion's side, it's a song about feeling like he's the sum of his past deeds. on festé's, it's a song about meeting in the middle and being physically present.

big iron - marty robbins this... lmfao. i was listening to spotify on shuffle and i was like this is so... unserious. festé would love this song. but this (and the wanderer) point to the many adventures they've had before they met astarion. and how they're generally a judicious and "good" person.

the wanderer - dion festé slept around a lot before this, and on the surface, they might seem like a ripple on the water. moving around a lot, having lots of sexual conquests, etc. for as short as their life has been relative to astarion's, they've certainly lived a lot. he's changed them though, they want to stay in one place now.

drowning - radio company this is more under the surface with festé. i feel like if they were here in modern times, they would love folk and americana music. they may look like a thembo, but underneath that, they're emotionally complex and actually quite guarded. specifically this line: hold the day oh we pray to make it through the night i think would have been a hard-hitter in the very end of the netherbrain conflict. they were trying really hard to hold it together for the sake of everyone else, and that's something they really struggle with emotionally; feeling like the world rests on their shoulders.

forever ain't long - radio company take me to heaven or wherever you're from back where it started before the hurt came along this is love, plain and simple, from festé to astarion. it also hints at something they're going to go through in a much later chapter in the fic.

undisclosed desires - muse i listened to this a lot when i was writing //taking. festé is the type of top/dom that intensely cares about whoever it is that they're sleeping with. they're a service top, plain and simple. luckily, they're pretty forthcoming with how they approach topping someone else, though. they want to find exactly what the other person needs, and provide it. i know you've suffered but i don't want you to hide it's cold and loveless i won't let you be denied

coming of age ceremony - hyolyn, xia this song was another one i listened to a lot during //taking. it's about coming into a different role. it's the switch song. hahah it's actually a cover! i think the duet makes it really... sensual. give me twenty stems of roses so i can feel your love is a BAR. 20 roses is symbolic of sincerity and a deep belief in something, so i thought it fit well with the theme of commitment and exploration. (translation here!)

i'll keep you safe - sagun it's really simple, it's a lofi song. does what it says on the can. i imagine it being the background song to the two of them drifting off to sleep in each others' arms, as cheesy as that sounds. they haven't spent a night apart since act 2, give them a break.

tell it to my heart - meduza, hozier this is the song that plays in astarion's head whenever he gets really down on himself. i don't know that he'll ever truly believe he deserves someone like festé, and this is the little voice in his head confirming that. it alludes to him tending to misread situations that are actually innocent, which i think is something a lot of people who have trauma can relate to - jumping to the worst conclusions. what he doesn't know that deep down, they feel the same way.

it's not a side effect of the cocaine, i am thinking it must be love - fall out boy put your hand between an aching head and an aching world we'll make them so jealous we'll make them hate us those moments where astarion is trapped in his memories and he feels his imp touching him and grounding him back in the moment? yeah, i think of this line. they both want to show the other off, they're both so proud of each other and so DISGUSTINGLY in love.

#.txt #.mp3 #.fic #fic: bonding. #oc: festé #i'm all pointy ears #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #astarion x oc #astarion x tav #astarion x named!tav #astarion bg3 #astarion acunin #Spotify

[vladdyissues]

HellO, I’m bothering u again.

Ok so, one thing I rlly love about Familiar is the songs u include. Partly bc I just love headcanoning characters with certain music tastes, but alSO bc they go so well with their personality traits. Danny being a Green Day kind of boy is sooo appropriate, there’s no fucking way he would enjoy straight modern pop. And VLAD, GOD, u are so genius for making him an 80s pop/goth individual. It’s something I’d never considered about him, before reading ur fic. Of course he would listen to the Smiths, he fucking grew up with them. He was a GOTH in COLLEGE!!!

That said, I’ve been slowly constructing a playlist of all the songs from Familiar, plus some of my own personal choices 🤌 One song I can’t get over is Peach by The Front Bottoms, (ik its a terrible band name 😂) but there’s this section of lyrics that I just hdhdhdhdhjfjshdh:

“One day, you will find someone who will love you like you deserve

But tonight, I'm the only one left, And I'm bettin' it's a fact that you will never learn

Once I sink my teeth, your skin's not so tough

I'll leave a tiny cut, there'll be a lot of blood, But once you wipe it up, you will feel better about our entire situation.”

FUCKING KILLS ME. THATS THEM!! THATS FUCKINF THEM UR HONOR, U CANT TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

They make me feral. I feel like Vlad, for all he says that he and Danny deserve each other, is still insecure about it. He doesn’t truly believe it, deep down in his soul, bc how could Danny ever love someone as fucked up, and old, and passive aggressive as Vlad?? But he is the only one left in Danny’s life, and Danny needs to understand that.

AND THE BLOOD DRINKING IMPLICATION IN THE LYRICS, FUCKING FUCK THAT VAMPIRE MAN.

Ok cool I’m done, that’s all I needed to say, byyyyeee~

YOU CAN'T BOTHER SOMEONE WHO CRAVES ATTENTION 25/8, BONES I mean uh—pshaw, you're no bother.

LOL I tend to project my music tastes onto my blorbos (I'm sure all of us do), and Danny is no exception. But I also try to be realistic for the character or the time. An all-American high school boy in the early aughts? Steady diet of rock, alt rock, pop punk, post-grunge, hip hop and nu metal. Vlad I actually had to do research on, which is why my top artist for Spotify Wrapped this year was Depeche Mode 😆 In any case, I'm just happy you're enjoying the music selections!

You're right, The Front Bottoms is an absolutely terrible name for a band, but those lyrics 😮 holy shit. I have an all-purpose Pompep playlist myself, and this track is the newest addition. Thank you!

#asks #music #fanfiction #fic: familiar #vlad masters #danny fenton #meta #hjbendergifs #flashing gif #i have a confession to make: when i first started publishing fanfiction online... songfics were my go-to #i understand it's ''''cringe'''' now so i subvert the stigma by just inserting a stanza or two in my story #but i love the connection that exists between an author and their favorite song(s) #so much personal meaning. i think it's great

[lexpressobean]

I have been enabled so Im gonna go on some more about my 30+ Messy ShinoHina lol (i'm shy but im also easy to squeeze more out of if you're polite enough lol)

More specifics under the cut because this became very... long after all I typed so, I will leave the fluff lovers some songs that really set the mood for me at certain parts of the story here <3 I don't hate fluff, I just need to balance it out with some feral behavior lol!

"Comfortable with the Silence" by Andy Shauf

"Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

"Feelings" by Lauv

"Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy

---

Now, the biggest thing I need people to understand about the whole situation is that everyone, everyone acts less than ideal at some point, to put it lightly. Because ideals are still just ideals, and even if you don't go looking for mess, you will experience it in your relationships as it is inevitable. People make mistakes, bro. And sometimes you just gotta live with what happens. You can't always heal or take it back, and you will experience both things simultaneously sometimes too. And it's shitty and will always feel bad. Stains, and scars, they are just proof that you have lived and have experienced things in life. No one is flawless. No one stays clean. All you can do is learn to cope and move forward with time, while trying not to make it someone else's problem. But that third thing can also still happen unintentionally too, and then new mess happens! Mess is natural. Sometimes, it only seems worse than it really is when all you do is focus on it. Other times, is continuously gets worse because of denial. It's honestly a truly wonderful thing when all parties can sit and really work through things together when Mess occurs, but that's assuming they can do so without getting toxic or distrustful and all that other bullshit that is ultimately counterproductive and makes walking away the healthiest choice at the end of the day.

And that's kind of the point, and my main reason for going this route with Shino and Hinata in a romantic sense. I feel Shino and Hinata are both the most likely, out of all the Konoha 13, to avoid and deny mess at all costs, in any situation, even at the expense of themselves in some way or form. Not just in personality, but also because of their socioeconomic standings too, but I won't get into that part of it too much rn.

Shino's behavior becomes warped more early on at the start of the story. Yeah, Shino has always been more petty and has even said or done things in canon that come off less than stellar, but they are also the kind of things that are usually harmless and finished as soon as the moment passes. But in this case, Shino refuses to act on his long standing desires, which are so strong, he's been unable to truly stamp out his feelings since he was 17, even after his heart really broke for the first time. He feels, knows deep in his bones as Hinata's and Naruto's friend as well, that Naruto isn't the person Hinata should be with. But because he wants Hinata to be happy, and respects her desicions, and because he is her friend, teammate, and fellow noble clan kid at that, he will support her first before he attempts anything selfish. And because he also still sees Naruto as his friend, and someone who at his core is a good person despite his treatment of Shino himself and obvious dumbassery, Shino swallows his jealousy and his judgment and his want. And so, he loses his chance through his self-inflicted restraint. He chooses to do this simply because it seemed like the right thing to do, for his friends. Getting involved the way he wanted to would only make things messy, regardless of how confident he is that things will work in his favor, which probably wasn't much anyway. Because how dare Shino try to impose himself on his... friend, and challenge... his other friend... Shino would never want to hurt his friends... but the thing is, you can't always keep everyone happy. You still count and will always count when everyone is involved. It was his choice to stay unhappy.

Hinata, in comparison, doesn't feel it until later, when it also feels like it's too late. And as it creeps up, she refuses to acknowledge her growing sense of disillusionment after she quite literally gets her wish from childhood, her Infinite Tsukuyomi even! She got what she wanted!! How dare she even think any ungrateful thoughts about her own situation!!! And yeah, maybe her dream didn't become an absolute nightmare... but anything less than a dream come true is still really disappointing, especially when the rose colored glasses come off so late in the game. But being unwilling to admit that will also cause her to grow closer and closer to a breaking point anyway. And deterrents are hell sometimes. The legal binding of marriage, their two kids, the fact Naruto is the Hokage, her already well known standing with her own Clan that, politically, will never paint her in a good light... All of that pressure to keep on keeping on even though she's so unhappy... She'd undeniably be the sole reason for her family 'falling apart', externally, from an outsider's point of view. And no one wants to hurt the people they love, even if they're hurting themselves in some way. Her behavior becomes warped some time later after more developments though.

But, well, it really all begins when they both fucking explode, but they ONLY explode after they're both pushed too far by someone else. But after the dust settles they both realize in their own ways that, point blank it sucks a lot that it happened like that, but they can either succumb to their situation for good, or frame it as something new, like they were both given an opportunity. Only by working past their fears, deterrents, and even false senses of morality will they get to really change their situations. It's about how they do so.

Hinata will explode first, because she will find out that Naruto has undeniably cheated on her with Sasuke. And my mind can't decide how exactly, but in the end, it doesn't matter how he did it, but he did, she finds out and she just breaks down about it all. Shino will follow suit when he realizes Hinata is broken up, and when he finds out exactly why... boy, his coniption will be fucking legendary. But the only person to actually see it would be Hinata, and it's alarming and distressing but especially terrifying because for a moment much too long, she could feel in Shino an intent to kill... and suddenly everything else is so miniscule for that moment because Hinata's best friend would actually fucking try to murder her husband...

W h a t

He doesn't mean to take his anger out on her, and he doesn't actually anyway, but his words and actions in the moment are horrifying and all she wants to do is calm him down, and she does it by pulling from some hidden reserve of strength she has as Naruto's Wife and Mother of his Children. Because it's all so confusing and so bad but goddamn it you will NOT fuck with her family!

Feelings don't disappear in an instant. Shino would know that better than anyone. It's a punch in the gut and really wounds him despite all logic but it's exactly what he needs to just... stop being so crazy. And because of this, after he calms down, and he takes several steps back and probably a seat, he realizes no matter how hard he tries he just can't won't (be honest Shino!) move on either. He will not because deeper still in his heart of hearts, he always knew he wanted to at least try. His main regret is that he hid behind the farce of 'true friendship' to stay close to her, but one can't blame themself for lack of confidence too. Sometimes the cookie will crumble as it may, but now... now as messed up the situation has become, his pent up frustration and regrets and his fucking desire override his logic and his inner goblin man comes out much more often and as fucked as it is, will probably try to gain Hinata's favor while she is still down and sorting through things. He's not doing it on purpose but mans just does not want to wait any longer. Because he was waiting since forever whether he admits it or not and he decides that Naruto DEFINITELY does not deserve this woman. He never did and never fucking will.

BUT... but but but, Hinata... has to just... process everything. Shino promises he was just so upset for her. What? He wouldn't kill Naruto. How could he ever? He is Fine, he is Good, he is going to go home and lay down. And he wholeheartedly apologizes for such an unbecoming reaction... Hinata chose to confide in Shino and flying off the handle like that was entirely inappropriate. Embarrassing and shameful even. Not the support Hinata obviously needs. Of course he will keep this all confidential, of course, no need to worry... She didn't need any of that, and Shino will never be able to apologize enough but all things considered, he will support her as best as he can. He is so so sorry but wants to be there for her, that is the truth.

And it really is the truth, but it still shakes Hinata to her core. That will never be a normal reaction from Shino. There is no explanation for that reaction, but Hinata still trusts him... she knows she can trust him to follow through with what he says... but it itches. It's an itchy and confusing sensation as she tries to dig further into why Shino was so crazy there for a moment? Does it mean something that Shino was so upset, almost more than Hinata even? Was Hinata not upset enough??? Meanwhile she's trying to work things out with Naruto who got caught and even though the threat of death can really put things into perspective fast, Hinata will have to realize there's a difference between loving someone, caring for someone, and being in love with someone. What exactly was she feeling in that moment? And what will she do now that Naruto is coming clean and explaining himself??

.

And on and on like that. As for Naruto and Sasuke, and Sakura, it's like this whole... thing that I'm still exploring. Because as a queer person myself, who's had a complicated journey and relationship with my own queerness, it's something I wanna address too. Because SNS is a crazy ride in itself, and Sakura, she deserves so much more as well...!!!

--

Bonus songs for reading all of this!!

"A 1000 Times" by Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam

"Dance Inside" by The All-American Rejects

"Wave" by Meghan Trainor ft. Mike Sabath

"I'm OK" by Manila Killa & AObeats ft. Shaylen

"Personal" by The Vamps ft. Maggie Lindemann

#shino aburame #aburame shino #hinata hyuuga #hyuuga hinata #shinohina #lexsramblings #naruto #i don't mean to sound so dramatic but it is what my brain has put forth #and it's also very much still a wip lol #anywho I hope its easier than not to see where I'm going with this #i think i just see so much soft shinohina #and im actually a very bitter person who's had to l e a r n #so i kinda wanna throw them into the fire simply because I can haha #its very indulgent nonsense through and through lol

[mostlymaudlin]

Hi!!! I adore your fics so much, will never stop gushing over your work. For the ask would you mind answering 5, 9, and/or 13 for Nothing Is Fine (my personal fave of your works)

fjrkgkrghd i adore YOU.

nothing is fine, my first andreil fic on ao3!! seems like so long ago and also just yesterday. i think it is almost a rite of passage for people who love writing andrew to take a stab at his POV in baltimore hahaha.

5: What part was hardest to write?

this whole fic was very hard for me to write because i was NERVOUS. i had been playing around posting little stuff here on tumblr, but this was the first time i was gonna like, throw something out into the andreil ao3 tag.

i really like writing canon-adjacent scenes, and i think in general what is hard about them is putting a spin on them so that they feel like they're doing something other than the original. for example, this fic mostly takes place in the hour or so before neil gets to the hotel. once neil arrives, the narration takes quite a few steps back, because the reader already knows what happened there. but everything else in the fic gives you the context for andrew's actions in that scene (according to me, lol). so, aside from my own anxiety, that is always the hardest part of this specific type of fic writing -- making choices that allow your retelling of a scene to feel original.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

there were many moments where i wondered if i should tone andrew's ferocity down. i wrote most of this in one sitting, then took a week or two before finishing it, and in that time i read a lot of other andreil fic. i was new in the fandom, so i guess i was wondering how my take on andrew fit in alongside the general "fanon" of it all -- namely, andrew's stoniness in a lot of fic.

i decided to keep andrew extra feral, and im glad i did, because i still agree with myself lol. i think i set a tone for myself back then where i just let andrew have as unhinged of an inner monologue as possible, and that's what makes him so fucking fun for me to write. i wonder, if i had taken a different route in that fic, if i'd still be as hooked on writing andreil as i am now.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

hmmmmm i dont think i had a specific playlist yet. but this is my general andreil playlist, and most of those songs i've considered to be andreil songs since i finished the series. if i had to pick one song for this fic in particular, it would be thunder clatter by wild cub -- it doesn't necessarily capture the manic energy of the fic, but it does kind of get at that bone-deep, "you're THE person and i dont know what to do without you" desperation that andrew feels.

Sad hopes I'd hidden under Tangled inside of me You spoke like broken thunder Deep into the centre of me

notably, though, i had NOT yet heard habit by spectre jones, which is the most andreil song to ever andreil. def accompanies this fic well, though!

#my writing

[deathtopoetica]

TW: depictions of r4pe, gr00ming, moral and ego death

i long for you.

you who saw me at my most vulnurable, you who saw me at my weakest.

i decorated this body of mine with jewels and silk and words of beauty, and i allowed you to sink your teeth filled with venom into this skin.

i was soft for you. innocent and pure. and i was hell for you. feral and vicious.

i was whatever you wanted me to be. i allowed myself to be molded.

this body, even if i am to decorate it with my own hands, never belonged to me. no. your name is branded into my flesh. cooked where no eyes will ever see it.

i long for you.

oh and i wanted you to want me the way i want you.

desperately. with blood and bone.

i wanted you to cry and shiver from my touch like you did me, i wanted your voice to be breathless and shakey in my wake.

i didn't want to be a regret. please, lover of mine, tell me i am not your regret. tell me i am not a damaged vase, empty of flowers.

you showed me thorns and i gave you my flesh.

i am ready to bleed for you, my love. i begged for it. devour me and make me yours, tear open my bone and drink the marrow.

i desire for you. i burn for you at night, my body hot and fevered, clutching on pillows and sobbing to myself. what a maddening, ferocious feeling; to long for someone not with the beauty of a fog above an ocean, but with the nausea of an infected wound.

for what is my misfortune if not romanticizable?

but i know.

the cycle ends here.

i know.

and i long for you.

you who loved me so graciously and with such soft, slender fingers.

i wished our bodies would mend together, and i would not know where i end and you begin. i wished we were the north and the south, bleeding into each other and indiscernible except to technical eye.

your hands.

no matter how soft, no matter how loving, would mold me.

you touched my skin and it distorted beneath you, melting and reforming like wax.

tender, like a bruise. but tender nonetheless.

you would say such soft and loving things to me. all while touching me

until i didn't know the difference between kindness and rape.

you who unraveled me, and you who saw beauty in the yarn

you who knew every word to my melody, who sang it with pride.

you who knew we were in too deep.

the sea is inky and cold. but in you i found warmth. and i wanted you unfathomably, senselessly, ferally. had you asked me to i would dissolve my bone, had you told me you loved my eyes i'd carve them out so you could hold them forever.

you who knew better. you who knew it was wrong.

i cannot rise.

i am heavy. so, so heavy. with filth and with sin and with the touch of a million lovers before you. none as soft.

i offered you all that was left of me.

i overwatered my plants. i never knew when to stop giving.

you sang my song.

for the first time

you touched me

without the intention of taking.

confused and afraid i still beneath your skin.

what am i if not objectified?

what am i if not a rabbit for the slaughter?

you who has regret in your eyes

you try to unmold the wax.

you wish to put me back in my original state,

a drip of liquid, fluid and moving.

your tears fell.

hot and salty.

and i could only watch you as i return to sender.

when you speak

your voice shakes.

turn from me

do not look back

forget who i am

never write

and leave.

i live in a wire cage.

and you,

my owner,

open the door.

you lift me so carefully

and with such love it makes me dizzy.

you place me on your windowsill

and tell me to fly.

i have loved before

but never have i been drowned by it

never have i been in a terrible sea of ink

my lungs about to burst.

i long for you.

but with each step i know.

i know.

i know its for the better.

#poetry #poems #original poetry #original poems #long poem #poets on tumblr #poemblr

[cate-by-the-way]

*T/W death, parent loss, grief, sudden loss, unexpected loss, parents, parental relationships (Take care)*

Ready for a moment of vulnerability? Sure, you are! That’s what the internet is for right?

I unexpectedly loss my mother in January. This isn’t my first experience with losing a parent. My father passed away from cancer almost 7 years ago. That loss was terrible. While I thought I had prepared myself for it, I indeed had not. (Preparing yourself for loss may be an impossible task.) I was very close to my father and losing him sent me into an incredibly deep depression that no one in my life understood or sympathized with. However, I didn’t go through that experience alone. I had my mom. Our relationship was not a pretty one for a long time but after the loss of my dad, we relied on each other. We finally got to a place of forgiveness and healing. Wow, was it a nice place to get to. So losing her has left me alone. I have a sibling but she doesn’t really want anything to do with me. My best friend moved last December so I don’t have that tether. I’m just floating out here (with my therapist) in my grief.

I figured out last time that grief is a weird experience. It hurts and it comes in waves that are sometimes so strong that they rip your feet right out from under you and take you with the current, leaving you (sometimes literally) fighting for your life. Other times it laps gently at your toes and makes you feel fond of it. You can be appreciative for the grief and the space it takes up. It can also make anything emotional. Here are some weird places/ things I’ve wept over since losing my mom:

The baking aisle is the grocery store. Yes, seeing shelves of cake mixes made me miss my mom (and grandmother) and caused me to cry and shop at a speed I never have before. I had a bigger break down once I got home.

A colleague’s butterfly brooch. Her mother’s signature is butterflies. My mother’s was butterflies. I loved that her mom loves them and it made me ache for buy something butterfly themed for my mom. I can’t do that anymore and it hurts.

Notes left by that same colleague on my desk. As a child my mom left notes of encouragement in my school bag or lunch bag (on the rare times I took it) because anxiety has been my best friend since I was 3.

The movie Dirty Dancing. My mom loved *loved* Patrick Swayze (May he also Rest In Peace) so I can’t hear that song (you know the one) or see even the cover without losing my mind.

The cats at my lace of work. We have feral cats that float around my workplace (it’s a park) and my mother took care of feral cats that would show up at her house (which was in the woods). I like cats ok but they’ve never are me cry before.

That’s just a few. Grief is weird and it’s powerful and, unfortunately, it doesn’t go away. It ebbs and flows. It lives in your bones. It changes your brain (that may not be scientifically true but I can tell you that speaking from experience it feel very true). It’s awful and weirdly ok.

Anyway, now a card carrying member of the Dead Parents Club. Hate that I am but thankful for the support I’ve found there so far. It’s a weird place to be.

#experiences #article #personal #tw parents #tw death #tw greif #TW sudden loss #tw parent death

[hafanforever]

It’s Good to Be Bad

I’ve described in previous analyses that I have a strong affinity for villains in fiction, including those by Disney. But like any fan of Disney, there are villains that I love and ones that I deeply detest with every bone in my body. So for my last analysis of the year, I will discuss my five most favorite and five least favorite Disney animated villains, though I also want to list a couple of other characters as honorable mentions to explain why I like or hate them.

The reasons I have for liking my favorite villains are simple, if not somewhat shallow, because I don’t exactly have deep reasons for liking them. Regardless of how evil, sadistic, cruel, and ruthless they are, I like them primarily because they are funny or charismatic. But it’s so much easier for me to list why I hate my least favorite villains, which is largely attributed the kinds of traits they display (most of which I cannot stand in people), their motives for being evil, and how they carry out their evil deeds while showing their evil natures.

This essay has turned into a longer one than I anticipated, so I am adding the “Keep reading” feature. Before I begin, I want to thank my dear buddy and soul sis @minervadeannabond for coming up with this title. Here is yet again another analysis of mine for you to enjoy, sis! 😁😄😉❤️

Most Favorites

Scar - Since The Lion King was the very first Disney film I ever saw in theaters as a child, and the first one I remember well from my childhood, many of my favorites Disney things come from it, including Scar being my #1 favorite Disney villain. Yes, he is a sadistic, tyrannical, narcissistic, cold-blooded murderer, but I think it is because of his cunning, smooth, elegant, charismatic nature and how pivotal he is to the story, particularly with how much he turns out to be a dark reflection of Simba, is why I love him so much. Furthermore, his song “Be Prepared” is my favorite villain song and among my favorite Disney songs of all, further showing how much The Lion King has given me Disney favorites since I was a child. 😁

Hades - Another one I remember well from my childhood, Hades is undoubtedly one of the funniest villains from the Disney animated canon. Although he is as cruel, evil, ruthless, and sadistic as any Disney villain, Hades is also so fast-talking, sleazy, sarcastic, cheeky, and hilarious that it makes it hard for me to take him seriously as a menacing villain. And while he constantly goes into fiery rages and blows his hot-headed top when furious, these help make Hades far more a comical, rather than scary, figure. Heck, when I was a kid, I always laughed, rather than got scared, whenever he unleashed one of his temper tantrums (except when he blows up at Meg with “I OWN YOU!!!”). And James Woods’s performance, especially since he ad-libbed many lines, helps make Hades such an unforgettable and memorable, if not lovable, character. So yeah, Hades’s wisecracking, talkative personality made him a memorable villain for me as a child, and I’ve loved him for it ever since. ��😂

Ursula - Much like Hades, Ursula is sleazy, scheming, and cunning, yet wisecracking and comical at the same time. Besides her dry sense of humor, Ursula’s eccentricity, flamboyance, and elegance have always been the traits that drew me to her, and Pat Carrolll’s performance of the character is pure excellence. 😉

Maleficent - Despite being an incarnation of pure evil, including with her self-proclaimed title as The Mistress of All Evil, to me, Maleficent is by far the coolest, most badass Disney animated villain of all! 😆👍🏻 Yes, she curses Aurora with no true motive whatsoever, and she’s sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, and murderous, but her display of her ill temper and dark magic just makes her totally awesome, most especially when she zaps her minions for their stupidity and incompetence upon learning they were only looking for a baby during their 16-year search for Aurora. 😁

Ratigan - Again, Disney has an evil, murderous, sadistic villain in Ratigan, but I love him because he is very collected, calculating, sophisticated, and charismatic, not to mention Vincent Price delivers such a great vocal performance as the character. 😉 What I also love about Ratigan is the moment when he undergoes what is known as a villainous breakdown, which is when a villain snaps and goes utterly crazy. During the film, Ratigan has some moments of losing his cool, but just as quickly manages to become calm and regain his composure. However, upon seeing Basil and Olivia escape from him inside Big Ben, along with Basil having having foiled his earlier scheme to kill the queen and take over England, Ratigan finally snaps, turning from a formal, sophisticated, composed rat to a highly feral, aggressive, savage one. It is the moment when Ratigan reveals the monster within and looks like a true rat, with an aggressive expression, hunched back, elongated claws, and running on all fours. The fact that Ratigan’s breakdown juxtaposes what kind of rat he was for the majority of the film is why his villainous breakdown is my favorite of any Disney villain.

Most Hated

Gaston - I have stated this before in “Bride and Prejudice”, but I pick Gaston as my #1 choice as my least favorite Disney animated villain. And it’s not just because of his extreme vanity, egotism, chauvinism, and arrogance, which are the very traits I hate in people, but because of his inferior, sexist, misogynistic views of women. Gaston is THE walking definition of toxic masculinity, the fictional example of the worst kind of man, the epitome of what men should NEVER be! 😡😡😡 He thinks men are the superior gender and that women are inferior to men, with their only purposes being to serve men and be their sex objects. And since I am a feminist who believes in gender equality, I dislike men who have low, sexist opinions of women, and Gaston fits the profile of what I think is the worst example of such a man. I could go on and on explaining just why I loathe this monster of a man with all my heart, but you can just read the aforementioned analysis to find out more.

Lady Tremaine - If it weren’t for Gaston being my #1 pick because of his extreme sexism and misogyny, I would pick Lady Tremaine. She comes such a close second because her motivations for abusing, oppressing, and being so cruel to Cinderella are petty and stupid, ESPECIALLY because Cinderella never even did anything to deserve such treatment from her in the first place! 😠😡 Lady Tremaine hates Cinderella and is very jealous of her purely because Cinderella so much better-looking and kinder than her own daughters and herself. So they abuse her and make her their servant to make her miserable and unattractive so that they can look better than her instead. Additionally, Lady Tremaine has a deep-rooted obsession to be above Cinderella at all costs that she resorts to lying, manipulation, trickery, and cheating in order to stay above. I particularly loathe it when she manipulates her daughters into tearing up Cinderella’s dress just so that she can appear fair and keep her word regarding her side of the bargain (she says ”if you can find something suitable to wear”, and once it’s wrecked, it’s no longer suitable) while simultaneously making sure she doesn’t have to keep her promise since she never wants Cinderella to go in the first place. All that being said, do these sound like justifiable excuses for hating a completely innocent woman? I DON’T THINK SO!!! 😡😡😡

Claude Frollo - Now if weren’t for BOTH Gaston and Lady Tremaine coming first, Claude Frollo would come on top as well! 😡😡😡 Frollo is without a doubt in my mind the most evil villain in the Disney animated canon. Unlike most Disney villains, he is COMPLETELY devoid of any likable or redeemable traits, making me have nothing but feelings of pure hatred for him. Ruthless, cruel, blasphemous, racist, and evil to his core, Frollo holds a deep-seated hatred for the gypsies and seeks to eradicate them from Paris, making him not only murderous, but genocidal, especially since he seeks to kill them simply out of his own racism, supremacy, and superiority. Throughout the years in his quest to eliminate the gypsies, Frollo murders Quasimodo’s mother by violently kicking her, causing her to fall and hit her head on the stone steps of Notre Dame, then tries to burn Esmeralda at the stake, declaring that she must be killed because she has been practicing witchcraft. After killing the mother, Frollo even attempts to drown baby Quasimodo simply because of his deformity. What makes Frollo even more evil besides doing his deeds is that he is a judge with control over the city, yet he proves himself to be corrupt and hypocritical by violating the laws to accomplish his dark, sinister deeds. Perhaps what makes Frollo the most evil villain of all is that he is in complete denial about how evil he really is. He has a delusional belief that he is a good, religious man doing God’s work by trying to purge the world of evil, when all he really does is twist his “faith” and hypocritically use it for his own evil purposes. What’s worse is that Frollo never once takes an ounce of responsibility for his crimes; he makes excuses to justify his actions, painting himself as guiltless and his victims as the only ones at fault. So with Frollo being such a blasphemous, hypocritical, racist, genocidal, murderous, corrupt judge who never believes he is doing anything wrong and always lays blame on the victims of his misdeeds, I can’t say there is a single thing about him that I like, and I’m happy he met his death in a fiery blaze! 😡🔥

Mother Gothel - A character I see as being an amalgam of Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, the reasons why I hate all three of these villains are also found in Gothel: vanity, narcissism, oppression, mental abuse, trickery, manipulation, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and flat-out cruelty. First of all, Gothel’s vanity, narcissism, and obsession with her own beauty makes her extremely insufferable and annoying, not to mention the fact that she hoarded the flower to herself for hundreds of years just to stay alive shows how incredibly selfish and possessive she is. And due to her selfishness, she kidnaps Rapunzel, hides her in a tower, lies to her about the outside world, and continually mentally abuses, manipulates, oppresses, mocks, and belittles her just to ensure that Rapunzel will never leave the tower and the flower’s magic in her hair will keep her (Gothel) alive and young forever. On par with her narcissism, Gothel is shown to be a very spoiled, childish, immature woman who seeks to always have things her way and throws tantrums or other emotional outbursts when she doesn’t get her way or what she wants, especially the very moment she wants it. Furthermore, Gothel possesses a martyr, or victim, complex, which is shown perfectly when victimizes herself and places all the blame on Rapunzel whenever any sort of conflict befalls their lives and relationship, especially when they argue. So with all these flaws in mind, like Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, I can’t find any good reason to like Gothel at all. “Mother Knows Best”? More like “Gothel Knows Worst”! 😠😡 

Governor Ratcliffe - I said above that I hate Gaston because of his bigoted, low views of women, and prejudice is the main reason why I hate Governor Ratcliffe. However, his prejudice is in the form of racism, the kind of bigotry that I hate the most. Ratcliffe displays this attitude towards the Native Americans, considering them savages and seeing himself as better than them all because of his race, which makes him a white supremacist. Besides his supremacy and superiority regarding his race, Ratcliffe is intensely greedy and selfish since he wants to keep any riches found for himself and believes that the Virginia land and anything he finds on it is his for the taking. In relation to his bigotry, he is also quite delusional and self-righteous, which makes him believe that any theory he has is right and he refuses to believe otherwise or listen to reason. For example, Ratcliffe dismisses Wiggins’ correct assumptions on why the Indians attacked the settlers and John’s claim that there is no gold in the lands after Pocahontas tells him this. The hatred I hold for Ratcliffe is significantly less than the other four listed here, but the reasons I gave are virtually like those I gave for Frollo, so I’m confident with Ratcliffe and his place on my list.

Bonus Mentions

Hans - Hans is a villain that I place in the middle between my most loved and most hated villains, because I love him for WHAT he is as a villain while I simultaneously hate him for WHO he is as a character. I have said it to friends and some of my other analyses before, but one of the reasons why I love Frozen is because it took many of the traditional fairy tale elements and tropes used in their preceding films, and turned them upside down. So rather than having another prince as the heroic male lead in this film, Frozen twisted that trope around by making him the villain instead. And when Hans finally reveals his true nature, you realize that he has fooled not only Anna and the other characters who interacted with him, but first-time viewers as well! So while I love Hans for being a villain who keeps his true nature under wraps for the majority of the film and almost gets away with his crimes because of it, I also hate him because of how cold, cruel, callous, ruthless, and sadistic he really is. When he reveals his true nature and explains his plan to Anna, he mocks her intelligence, naïveté, and desperation for love while explaining just how easy it was for him to deceive and manipulate her into being a pawn in his plan to take over Arendelle. Throughout the whole scene, Hans smiles wickedly and sadistically, clearly showing the delight he is getting from tormenting Anna and watching her suffer while he explains his scheme and extinguishes all light sources to accelerate her death. It’s also easy to see his sadism when he announces his plan to murder Elsa, and that he will get even greater joy out of carrying out the act itself (which we see when Hans smiles widely while swinging his sword over Elsa’s head as he tries to kill her on the fjord).

Chi-Fu - While he is not a true villain, and not even evil at all, Chi-Fu is a very detestable character, one whose guts I hate completely because he has the same traits that make me hate Gaston: arrogance, conceit, egotism, bigotry, superiority, and misogyny. Prejudice against women is a main theme in Mulan, and Chi-Fu is the one man whose prejudiced opinions never change. While Shang and Mulan’s fellow soldiers initially hold views that women are beneath men, they learn to change them after Mulan proves herself a capable warrior in the army (even after her disguise is revealed), most especially when she helps save China from Shan Yu’s reign of terror. Despite the majority of his bigotry being aimed at women, Chi-Fu is also detestable because he shows it towards nearly everyone else, except the Emperor. As the second-in-command to the Emperor, Chi-Fu sees himself superior to almost everyone else around him, which enhances his pompous, elitist, arrogant attitude. Because of all these antagonistic traits, I loathe Chi-Fu while I don’t hate Shan Yu at all, even though the latter is truly pure evil and genocidal! 😠😡 It just goes to show that some people who are neither necessarily good nor bad can be even more contemptible that the most malevolent, murderous people.

#Miscellaneous Disney #Disney #Disney Villains #Disney Villain #villains #villain #Scar #Hades #Ursula #Ratigan #Maleficent #Gaston #Lady Tremaine #Claude Frollo #Mother Gothel #Governor Ratcliffe #Hans #Chi-Fu #favorites #most favorites #least favorites #my stuff #mine

[intotherumiverse]

Chapter 2

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: I’m still on my fae bull shit so yee have fun with this  ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: blood, violence, pov changes ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ: @lilsparkyswife​, a brief mention of @katsumiiii​ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.9k 

Yvonne’s Pov

The Summer Court was known for a lot of things. Yes, we did the dirty work for people who didn’t want to be seen doing it. We lied for liars, stole for stealers, and cheated cheaters. But we were big on loyalty. I mean if we couldn’t trust one of our own, who could we trust? But driving back home, knowing what we had to tell Bakugou….

Maybe it was better if we lied.

We found him training. Sweat dripped down his face as more and more holograms blur around him. His muscles tighten in frustration as the holograms look like they are about to win.  Power training was something I always hated. We were already fast and strong, why work yourself to the bone to gain some other ability. But some people did it, Like (Y/n), but others have tried every day to improve themselves to no avail. All of us has given up at some point, Bakugou was just a matter of time.

The hologram knocked his sword out o his hand, and he glances at it as if something miraculous was going to happen. When he realizes nothing is happening, he lets out a grunt of anger.

“He’s rarely happy anymore,” I think to myself. “ Well, it wasn’t unusual, well for Bakugou at least, but his obsession was going a bit too far”

“Good luck with him,” Mina says while Mira walks away.

“If you live we’ll see you in the meeting room. You know where, so don’t die.”

“Gee, Such wonderful friends,” I say back.

. Turning back towards the entrance of the training room, I walk, cleared my throat, and spoke up

“Bakugou?”

All I get is another grunt as a reply, knowing he was somewhat listening. He continued his workout, concentrating on summoning a weapon in his hand.

“Bakubitch!”

He gives me a glare. Well, that got his attention.

“Whatdoyouwant?”

I hated when he was like this, not wanting to listen to anyone else even his friends. Steeling myself, I spit out the ugly truth to him

“(Y/n)gotkidnappedanditwasn’tourfault.”

“What? You said that too fast for me to even hear.”

“(Y/n) got kidnapped-”

“HUH?? HOW’D YOU IDIOTS LET THAT-”

“Will you shut up and let me explain?”

Rolling my eyes I wanted until Bakugou was calm, well calm enough, to begin.

“We had a mission. One assigned to us by the King. Someone from Spring Court wanted someone from Autumn off their back and they had enough money to pay for it. Shit went sideways and long story short, (Y/n) got taken… by Izuku Midoriya.”

I barely had time to doge before the knife was embedded into the target behind me. Such primal behavior, attacking me without warning.

“So you’re telling me… Izuku Midoriya took (Y/n) and you and the rest of the team, just fucking stood there?”

Another knife dodged. He’s making it harder and harder for me not to hit him

“Will you stop using me as target practice long enough so we can get her back?”

“It’s the Autumn Court. Who knows where they took her? She could be halfway to the gates of hell and back before we figure it out.”

Walking over to the target and prying the daggers off of it, I threw them back in rapid succession. He dodged the first one, but the second one scratched his face, leaving a thin line of blood in its wake.

“Next time you throw a knife at me make sure it hit its intended mark”

And with that, I leave the training room.

(Y/n)‘s POV

Being interrogated by the Autumn Court was… It’s an experience, let's just say. They had a lot of ways of making you talk, and once you open your mouth there is no stopping them.

Due to their power, vocals are the thing that they focus heavily on. It’s easy to fall into their trap but easy to evade it if you know what you’re doing. Just don’t say anything. I’ve been doing that for three hours now.

Granted it was hard. They tried everything short of laying hands on me. Ripping my dress, threatening my family and friends, you know the usual. But they couldn’t get me to talk. Then they called the motherfucking prince, who also happens to be the person I wanted dead.

“Just answer the question, doll, and you can go home.” Stupid motherfucker, staring down at me with that condescending smile I think.  The haze of his power swirling around me, deep and smoky. Izuku was powerful, yes. But against me, he was nothing.

Smiling at him, I think to myself ‘You’ll get me to talk when I’m dead and gone’

Tracing his hand on my jawline slowly, like I was glass, brittle and ready to break. He stares deep into my eyes and for a moment, a hint of a second, I see the pain in his eyes. Something indescribable, intangible, but somehow there. And the moment is over. Harshly grabbing my chin, the pain is covered with feral, oddly flat green eyes.

“Tell me. Or else we’ll have to resort to… uglier methods of gaining information from you. And trust me, darling, you won’t like those methods.”

I took the saliva from my own mouth, aimed carefully, and spit on him. It landed directly on his eye.

“You fucking cunt!” He recoils in disgust, wiping his eye fervently. I smile in pride, knowing I got under his skin.

He backs up away from the cell I was in, taking one more look at my triumphant face, before saying to the guards, “Make sure she doesn’t escape.”

I heard his angry footsteps echo, and finally, the silence came.

The guards snicker at the recent events, before one of them saying,

“You’re going to regret that, you know? No one messes with Prince Midoriya and lives to tell the tale.”

“Guess I’ll be the first,” I replied back.

And then I broke the chains.

Izuku’s Pov

Fuck I missed her. She was the part of me that I never knew I needed. She was my blood, my bones, framing me into what I am now. And seeing her now, it made my bones ache, my blood sing. An agonizing, beautiful song. Placing my head into my hands, I bite the insole of my palms.

‘Where did it all go wrong?’ I thought to myself.

Sorting myself out, I walk through the quiet corridors of the Autumnal Palace. The sun shining through the high glass windows, mocking me with its beauty. It seems fit, having such a wonderful day go on outside as I suffer internally. With hastened pace, I make my way towards my personal team.

Stopping in front of the common room, I fix myself, running my hairs through my hair before walking in.

“Oh hey man,” Sero was the first one who saw me, giving a toothy smile “How’d the interrogation go…” he trails off, seeing the scowl on my face.

“So not well” One of Shoji’s many arms pops up and says.

Choosing my words carefully I say “It didn’t go as expected. (Y/n)’s a difficult one.”

Difficult wasn’t even the basis to cover it. She was infuriating, complex, and every time I see her it spurs my heart on erratically. But how could I say that in words?

My team was a good one, personally trained by myself, but sometimes they were a little too bit much.

Ochako pipes up from where she was sitting “Izu, don’t worry. We finally caught (Y/n)! After two and half years no less. All your hard work won’t be for nothing.”

“Yeah, man! This is cause for celebration! We finally caught (Y/n), Summer Court’s deadliest assassin. It’s time to kick back and celebrate-” At that moment, Ojirio storms in, face in pain as blood soaks his normally white clothes. The look on his face said that something was clearly wrong.

“(Y/n) escaped)”

Cocking my eyebrow I stare at Sero.

“Celebration huh?”

(Y/n)’s Pov

I hated being chased. Everyone talks about the exhilarating feeling of almost not making it but does anyway, but all I feel is annoyed. Turning another corner I hear in the distance. Luckily the guards tattered the ends of my dress, so it was easier to run in it

“Don’t let her escape! We need her alive!”

‘Autumn Court’ I thought to myself ‘One person escapes and they go bat shit crazy. Well, it is me.”

I look around looking for a place to hide out until the guards’ pass. Then looking up I spot...

“A vent. Perfect.” I whisper to myself. Working quickly, I made my way into the ventilation system. I keep myself there, holding my breath until I hear footsteps. It was two of the workers there.

“It’s such a shame,” one says to another. “King Toshinori has never done anything helpful since the Prince had been announced.” The other one shakes their head shamefully.

“I know right? Even since Izuku became prince, he’s nowhere to be seen or heard. It’s like he just placed all the burden on Prince Izuku and moved on with his life.”

Oh? Izuku’s being packed with the burden. I guess Von will find that information useful. Waiting until I couldn’t hear the voices of anyone, I get down from the vents.

“Easy as pie.” I smile at my genius.

“Spread out and find her! She couldn’t have gone far!” I see one the second in command, Ochako Uraraka yells. My smile turns into a grimace at her figure. I’ve never liked her but after the incident three years ago…

I didn’t let myself think of it, rather waited until I couldn’t hear footsteps anymore before dropping out of the vent.

Corridor after corridor, I run the palace. The orange-gold of the palace becoming a blur as I see the doors towards my freedom.

“THERE SHE IS. AFTER HER!” Fuck they found me. I was almost there, just a little more… Then I feel a large object knock into my back.

Giving a little as I went down, I turn quickly. Seeing the familiar hair of…

“(Y/n) don’t do this,” His soft voice rings out, power laced in it even now. “Just come back and we can get you home safely” Gritting my teeth at Izuku, I clench my fist and throw a punch. All the while my other hand summons a small dagger before dipping it in some poison and stabbing Izuku in the thigh.

How dare he. How dare he pretend that he cares, after all, he did to me, to my Court.

“Fuck!” Izuku screams.

Pulling him up by his collar I spit it out.

“Rot in hell.”

In the back, the rest of his team runs, seeing their leader hurt.

Not sticking around, I take off running, getting the doors of the front of the castle.

The night was dark as I fumbled slightly down the stairs of the castle.

‘Shit, shit, shit. I need a place to hide’ I think.

Running towards the car area of the courtyard, I see a black party bus sitting fairly near the gates. Sneaking into the back doors, I sit in the darkness.

“She couldn’t have gone far, split up and search.” I hear the voices agree before splitting off in different directions.

“Well, Well, WELL.” I’m suddenly knocked off my feet, and without another chance to regain my balance, my chin is grabbed. Sharp nails meet my flesh, threatening to make me bleed.

“What should we do with her Dabi?” a feminine voice reaches my ears.

“Drug ‘er. We’ll deal with her when the others come back. Shiggy will know what to do with ‘er”

“Sure.” Something stabbed into my neck and everything goes dark.

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[steelycunt]

the way you write about flesh blood teeth guts to talk about deep visceral feelings is truly mesmerizing. do you know any songs with lyrics that kind of resemble that? like the kind of song that makes you want to pull your hair chomp on wood growl like a feral dog etc

hi hi babe!! thank you sm omg!! i love writing about all that kind of stuff (to the point where i do it too much, i fear) i feel like it makes taking pretty vast abstract feelings n breaking them down much easier :-) though im not sure if i know any songs that lyrically have that sort of theme? so im definitely opening the floor up to any suggestions anyone else has!! but i can certainly name a few songs that turn me absolutely gnawing-on-my-own-bones feral!

bag of bones / mitski (+ drunk walk home / mitski)

work song / hozier

valentine / fiona apple (+ paper bag / fiona apple)

i'm on fire / bruce springsteen

hood / perfume genius

the art teacher / rufus wainwright

real love / big thief (+ humans / big thief)

new york, i love you but you're bringing me down / lcd soundsytem

++ hallelujah / jeff buckley (cover)

EDIT: my beloved lana lupingf added: you are the apple / lady lamb which is soo. yeah. omg

sorry i couldnt be of more help!! if i think of any more that fit the brief better ill add them here <3

#telegram #anon #god. if mitski had done bag of bones live last night i wouldve eaten somebody whole they would've had to stop the show

[sunmoonandeddie]

i don’t need a roof

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 3,496

summary: Bucky thinks he’s running out of time, and needs to make sure his girl knows she’s taken care.

warnings: Bad words, almost death

a/n:  So this was inspired by this song from Big Fish the Musical.  There are lyrics from the song in the dialogue.  Also, this is the brownstone they were talking about.  Also I’m so sorry if this hurts, but there is a happy ending.

Bucky was cold.  In all the time that you’d known him (three years and four months, actually), he’d never once been cold.  He’d always been your own personal space heater, even before the two of you started dating.

But as you held him in your arms, his head on your chest, you were struck with the fact that he was cold.

The HYDRA agents that were holding you had injected him with something a few days ago, some glowing liquid that made a weight appear in the pit of your stomach.  But you could only watch as they injected it into his bloodstream.  You were too weak to do anything, too weak to protect the love of your life.

When the agent holding you had let you go, letting your kneecaps hit the concrete floor with a thud, you’d rushed to him, holding him as close as you could.

You’d never seen him in so much physical pain.  The super soldier serum was trying it’s best to keep up with whatever he’d been injected with, but it was like it set his blood on fire.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered as you rocked him back and forth, your head resting on top of his.  You didn’t realize you were crying until you tasted the saltiness of your tears on your lips.  It was all your fault.  You were the reason that you two got captured, and had been held in this cell for at least a week.

At least they hadn’t separated you.  You would’ve gone absolutely feral if they had even tried that, not to mention what Bucky would have done.

“Agent Twelve, on your right!  Incoming!”

You turned to see a HYDRA agent with his knife in hand, ready to strike.  You waited for just a second for him to get close enough, before ducking and sweeping out his legs in the same motion, catching his own knife in your hand and shoving it into his throat.  “Got him,” you said, yanking the knife out with a wince.

The sound of someone choking on their own blood as they died was never one you could get used to.

This was supposed to be an in and out mission.  An hour or two, tops, with minimal fighting.

But your intel was wrong, and you’d been led into the trap.

It felt like with every agent you took down, two more appeared.  They kept multiplying, like bunnies.

“No, not like bunnies,” you mused to yourself as you fought off two more agents.  “I like bunnies.  These guys—”  You grunted as you wrapped your legs around one of the guy’s heads, squeezing and twisting just as Natasha taught you to do.  “These guys are fuckin’ rats!”

You could hear Bucky snorting on the commlink, and spotted him shaking his head in amusement as he took down three separate agents at once across the airfield you two were currently fighting on.

God, your man was fucking hot.

An entire year, eleven months, and twenty-four days together, and he still made you sweat like a teenager going through puberty anytime you saw him.

Which reminded you.  You had your two-year anniversary in, like, six days.  You knew that he definitely had something special planned, the secret romantic that he was.  Fuck, you needed something to do for him.  Despite the fact that he always said you didn’t have to, you wanted to.  You wanted to make your man feel just as special as he made you feel.

Flowers.  You could start with flowers.  People were always so surprised to find that your boyfriend loved flowers, but he did.  It was sweet.  His absolute favorites were pink begonias, since they reminded him of his mother’s garden.  Well, the flower box she kept on the window sill, since they didn’t have the space or money for a full garden.

What else?  You couldn’t just get him flowers.  Two years was a big deal!  Especially considering the kind of people you two were!  The both of you were stubborn as an ox and lacked communication skills.  You were both used to doing things on your own, and dealing with issues without asking for help.

But that doesn’t work in a relationship.

You knew a lot of people thought you wouldn’t make it a month, and they were almost right since you two had your first fight at three weeks and a day, but then something happened.

Bucky stopped in the middle of the fight, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh came from his bones, and said, “I’m not doing this.  I love you too much to let something as stupid as this ruin us.”

It had been the first time he’d said ‘I love you.’

And you hadn’t heard him at first and kept yelling, before abruptly stopping and staring at him like he’d grown two heads.  “I’m sorry.  What?  You…  You love me?”

And he’d simply nodded, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I…  I love you, too,” you said, clearing your throat as you shuffled your feet.

After that, you two decided to go see Donna, a couple’s therapist.  You were both already going to therapy separately, but going together was an entirely new ball game.

And it worked.  Sure, it wasn’t always smooth sailing, but it wasn’t like you were screaming and shouting at each other.  You handled your problems like a team, because that’s what you were.

You could always get one of those little USO showgirl uniforms…  As much as you hated Amazon, their Prime feature really was a godsend for times like these.

Or maybe you could pay a shit ton of money for someone to make it in five days or less, since you had money now.  It’d be worth it, and there were thousands upon thousands of costume designers and seamstresses in New York City, the world capital of theatre.

And you still had that red lingerie he loved so much that you could wear underneath it…

“TWELVE!”

You shook yourself out of your daze just in time for a HYDRA agent to plunge a needle into your neck, black quickly overtaking your vision as you passed out.

“I’m so sorry,” you gasped out as you held Bucky that much closer.  It hadn’t been hard for you to connect the dots once you’d woken up in the tiny concrete room, a steel door being the only way out.  Bucky had been captured because he’d been trying to save your ass.

He grunted as he moved, his eyes squeezing shut in pain.  “It ain’t your fault, baby doll,” he said, his hand grasping onto your forearm.  “Stop blaming yourself.”  He leaned his head slightly to the side so he could look at you, reaching up to wipe your tears.  “Wipe that frown off your pretty face.  ‘M right here.”

“Yeah, but—”  You were cut off by him placing a finger over your mouth.

He took a deep breath before he spoke, his face pale.  “Now, baby doll…  I need you to listen real good, okay?”  He waited for you to squeeze his hand in confirmation.  “There’s a brownstone at 154 Hicks Street, Brooklyn,” he said, wincing with the effort it took to talk.  “Now, I know it’s in Brooklyn, and you love Manhattan, but—”

Brows furrowed, you cupped his cheek in your hand.  “Brooklyn is just fine, but what are you talking about?”

You could visibly see the cogs turning in his head as he carefully chose his words.  “I already paid for it in full, so no need to worry about that.  Sam knows where the keys are.  And—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” you said, cutting him off.  “Why are you talking like this?”

His flesh hand reached up and cupped your chin, his thumb running over your bottom lip.  “You always said you’ve never had a home, but you wouldn’t mind having one with me,” he said, his voice barely audible.  “So I got you one.  It’s got a garden and everything, so you can plant flowers and... and a peach tree.  ‘Cause I know just how much you like peaches.”

“Then stop talking about Sam knowing where the keys are,” you chided.  “You can show me the garden yourself.”  You knew where he was going with this, but you didn’t want him to.  You didn’t want him to say it, because then that might make it real.

“Baby doll, I don’t think I’m gonna make it out of here,” he said as gently as possible, his voice cracking.  “So you gotta listen to me.  It’s all paid for.  Every penny.  The papers are in my desk in our room, the second drawer from the top.”  He took in a shaky breath, trying to hide the pain.  “There’s a ring there, too.  It’s yours, but I thought you might wanna live together for at least six months before I popped the question on ya.”

“Stop it,” you said, leaning your forehead against his.  “You can propose whenever you want, but you gotta stop talking like that.”  Your nose nudged against his as you tried to hold back a fresh wave of tears, though you were quickly finding that was impossible.  “Stop talking like you’re not getting out of here, too.  We’re gonna make it out of here, okay?  And then you can show me the brownstone with the garden in Brooklyn.  So stop talking like you’re going to die because you’re not.”

“My stubborn girl,” he said with a weak laugh, his smile watery.  “I got you a home.  For our two year anniversary, which...”  His brows furrowed, his head cocking to the side a little.  “I think it was four days ago?”

Sniffling, you grabbed his face a little tighter, leaning back so you could look in his eyes.  “Don’t you get it?  You’re my home.”  Letting out a huff, you wiped a tear from his face.  “In your face, I see a lifetime.  In this place…”  You pressed your hand to his heart, feeling the slow but steady beat under your palm, through his thin white undershirt.  “I feel at ease.”

He looked at you like he wanted to interject, but didn’t, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

“Wallpaper peeling, paint wearing thin,” you said, teasing him a little about his age like you always did.  “Here’s where I end and begin.”  In his eyes, you could see all the trouble of his past, swirling in those brilliant blue depths.  “I don’t need a roof to say, ‘I’m covered.’  I don’t need a roof to know I’m home.”  You curled up on his chest, right where your hand had been.  It was much nicer to be able to hear it as well as feel it.  If you closed your eyes, you could imagine you were in your bed at the Tower, going to bed together like any other night.  “There could be a single shingle dangling overhead.  I don’t need a roof to make my bed.”  Fingers running up and down his flesh arm, you tried to get him to relax.  “Close your eyes, I’m still beside you.  No goodbyes needed today.”

Thunder cracked outside, and if you listened close enough, you could hear the soft pitter patter on the roof.  His breathing was starting to even out, and you didn’t know if it was because he was calming down or if he was actually starting to go.

“Hear what the rain says, know what it knows.  After the rain, something grows.”  Your fingers intertwined with his as tears ran slowly down your cheeks, and you squeezed softly.  His metal arm wrapped around your waist, holding you between his legs.  “I don’t need a roof to say, ‘I love you.’  I don’t need a roof to call you mine.”

If you got out of this, you were retiring, and you’d make him retire, too.  You wanted to live a life with him without worrying about possibly dying before you got a chance to see him go gray.

If you had children, you wanted to be alive to see them grow up.

You’d give up being an agent.  You’d become just a consultant, or you’d give that up, too.  You didn’t care.  You’d just be Mrs. Barnes for the rest of your life, and you’d be perfectly happy with that.

“I don’t need adventure in some far away frontier.  I don’t need a roof to feel you near,” you said, starting to get choked up.

He was definitely fading.  His vibranium arm around your waist was starting to go limp, his grip on your hand loosening.

A lump formed in your throat as you clutched onto him that much tighter.  “All I need is you and you forever.  All I feel is true and absolute.”  You leaned back, holding his face in your hand.

His blue eyes fluttered open as he tried to stay awake for you, tried to fight the darkness overcoming him.

Your lower lip wobbled as you ran your thumb over a cut on his cheek bone.  “I don’t need a legal deed to help me play my part.  I don’t need a roof to hold my heart.”  You leaned in and pressed your lips to his.  “Stay with me,” you whispered against his lips, desperately.  You could taste the mix of your tears and his.  “Stay with me.”

But god, he was in so much pain.  You could see it in his face, feel it in the way his grip on your hand readjusted, like it was taking up all of his energy just to hold on.

It probably was.

Swallowing down the sob that was threatening to come out, you said, “It’s okay, Bucky.  It’s okay.  I’m here.”  You pulled his head to your chest, so he could hear your heartbeat in return.  Your fingers worked their way through his tangled hair.  “You’re my home, Bucky.  It’s you.  Please, stay with me.”  But you knew he was close to the end, and the likelihood of him making it out of there was getting smaller and smaller with each passing second.  “I’m here, love.  I’m here.”

Your mouth opened in a silent sob as you felt him go still, your nails unintentionally digging into his arms.  Small puffs of air were still coming from his nose, but his heart was maybe going at five beats per minute, if that.  Your body shook as you rocked him back and forth, unable to let go.

The love of your life was leaving you.  You were feeling him slip away in your arms.

“Bucky?” You whispered, almost afraid to speak at all.  “Baby?  Bucky, please…  Please, stay with me.”  Your voice cracked as you buried your face in his greasy hair.

You didn’t want a brownstone or a ring if you didn’t have Bucky.  You didn’t want anything if you didn’t have him.

You squeezed your eyes shut, kissing his hair.  “I love you.  I love you.  Please, Bucky.  Please.”

The faint sound of footsteps approaching the door made you raise your head, and you steeled yourself, ready to fight back against the HYDRA agents that had no doubt been watching the two of you.  The monsters were just waiting for him to die, and then they were going to take him from you.

Not if you had anything to say about it.

You tightened your grip around him, not bothering to hide your tears.  There was no point.  A lack of tears wouldn’t help you.

The footsteps stopped outside the door, and there was a pause.

Then it blasted open with a bang that startled both you and Bucky, who’s heart rate picked up just a little bit at the sound.

You cried out with relief as you saw Tony standing there in his full Iron Man suit.  “TONY, HELP HIM, PLEASE!” You begged, urging him to take Bucky from your arms.  “HELP HIM!”  Sobs wracked your body as the man nodded, taking him without hesitation, and getting out of there.

Despite their past, Tony loved you, and had learned to love the super soldier by extension.

You sat on your knees, your forehead resting against the ground.  “Please, please, save him,” you cried, your nails dragging painfully against the concrete floor.  Your heart was in absolute shreds.

You had no idea who you were praying to, or even if you were praying at all.  You didn’t know if he could be saved at this point, but you were willing to ask every deity you could think of.

“Twelve?  Twelve, come on.”

Strong hands gently pulled you up, and you found Natasha guiding you towards the door.  “You have to help him, Natasha,” you croaked, dazed and stumbling over your own two feet as you walked forward.  “You have to save him.”

“I know,” she said quietly, her own voice thick with tears as she held you up, making sure you didn’t collapse in the middle of a HYDRA base.  “We’re gonna try, okay?  It’ll all be okay.”

You weren’t able to go to the brownstone with the garden in Brooklyn for three weeks.

You couldn’t leave Bucky’s side.

Tony had gotten him to New York City in record time, and had immediately thrown him into Doctor Cho’s cradle.

He was in there for thirteen days straight as his body fought the new serum, the cradle being the only thing keeping him alive.  It kept his heart and other organs working, his brain functioning.

After two days of you sitting in a chair by the cradle, unable to do anything else but wait, someone wheeled in a hospital bed for you to sleep on.  You’d actually been asleep when he woke up.

And then, when you finally did wake up, the first thing he said to you, his voice muffled by the glass, was, “How long has it been since you showered?  You smell worse than Sam after the gym.”

The absolute asshole.  He almost died and he had the nerve to get onto you about how much you smelled.

It had taken everything in you not to throw yourself at him.  You scrambled off the bed, clinging to the side of the cradle as you looked down at him, frantically hitting the button to get the lid off.  “Bucky,” you said, reaching down to touch his face.  You almost pulled it back, afraid that if you touched him, he’d disappear.

But he simply pushed himself up onto his elbows with a wince, leaning his face into your hand.

“You almost died,” you said, letting out a weak laugh as you rested your chin on the edge of the cradle.

He looked up at you then, his blue eyes just as bright as they always had been, even if they looked a little pained at seeing you such a wreck.  “We’re gonna have to talk to Donna about that, huh?”

A little over a week later, and he was cleared to go home with you.  He was still weak—that serum did take a lot out of him—but he was alive.  And according to every single doctor Tony brought in, there was no chance of him just dropping dead now.

And if they were wrong about that, they’d have you to deal with.  And they all knew that the new Mrs. Barnes was no one to trifle with.

“You got it, baby doll?” Bucky asked as he followed you up the front steps.  He had to take it easy, and you told him that he should consider getting a cane since it was still a little difficult for him to walk.

You were only half kidding about that, though.  They still didn’t know if he still had the original super soldier serum in him after what HYDRA had done, but he was slowly gaining his strength back.  Either way, you didn’t care.  You’d love him with or without his super strength.

“Yeah, I got it,” you said as you slid the shiny gold key into the lock, turning it and opening the door.

The U-Haul truck was sitting on the street, waiting for you two to carry all of your boxes in, but that could wait.

You walked into the front foyer, taking in a deep breath.  It was completely bare, but the furniture that you two had ordered while sitting in his hospital room together was in the U-Haul as well, ready to be arranged.  Sun was streaming in through the large windows, giving a warmth to the house that you couldn’t find at Tower.

“Welcome home, baby doll,” Bucky said as he came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.  His chin rested on your shoulder, and he pressed a lingering kiss to your cheek.

Your eyes pricked with tears as your hands grasped his forearms, making sure he was there with you.  A large diamond ring glittered in the late morning light on your left hand.  “Welcome home, Bucky.”

#bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky reader insert

[amjustagirl]

Chapters:  one. ~ two. ~ three. ~ four. ~ five. ~ six. ~ seven.

Masterlist link here

AO3 link here

Summary:

Akaashi Keiji catches glimpses of another life in his dreams. He dreams of fields of endless gold, of constellation of stars that light up the night sky. He hears echoes of birdsong in her laughter, her songs to the gods in the wind.

Wordcount: 1.9k

Author’s note: This fic is a little different from my usual work, so I’m a little nervous about publishing it. If you do like it, would love if you leave a comment / reblog / anything!

Pro tip: Italics denote scenes in Akaashi’s dreams / past.  

If you’d like to be included in the taglist, do drop me a msg/ask!

But then his dreams start to take a dark turn, though he doesn’t notice it at the start. 

There is light dancing on the edge of his eyelids, and when he blinks he finds himself in a field of never-ending gold.  ‘You’re obsessed with flowers ’ he teases her, leaning on his hands to allow the breeze to ruffle his hair and whisper long lost secrets in his ear. 

‘But they’re so pretty. It’s like they were put on this earth by the gods to remind us that life can be beautiful, after all.’

‘Now who’s being poetic, hm?’ 

‘Don’t tease! I’ll give you a more prosaic reason then. I’ve loved flowers ever since I worked for a florist after mum died to earn a little money on the side and ended up falling in love with the look on people’s faces when they buy flowers for themselves and the people they love. ’

‘Why don’t I see you work at the florist shop then? ’ He frowns, thinking of the bustling, cosy little shop in the town square owned by Hana-chan’s mom. 

‘It didn’t work out’, she says simply. ‘Well, never mind that. Just shush and bask in the sun, let the sky gods weave rainbows into your dreams’. 

Her words linger in his mind, and he foolishly finds himself searching for rainbows in the sky the next day.

‘Listen to the sky, Keiji ’, she calls, her laughter like birdsong. ‘ Do you think the wind will answer our prayers today?’ 

‘You answer my question first ’, he grumbles. ‘Hana-chan cornered me at school to scream at me to mind my own business again. Does that have anything to do with the bruises I saw on your arm last week? What kind of trouble are you getting yourself into when I’m not around? ’ 

‘Nosy, nosy Keiji  ’, she teases, and he knows she’s just deflecting his concerns again. ‘You’re just overthinking things again’. 

‘Promise me you’ll be careful’, he pleads.  ‘Promise me you’re not doing anything stupid‘. 

‘Stop worrying, silly boy, I promise I’ll be fine’, she murmurs, her voice lost in the wind. 

‘You need to tell me what’s going on, you can’t go on like this at this rate’ , he hears himself say, desperation laced in his words. 

He looks down. There is a tapestry of mottled bruises and angry welts on her arms, paint strokes of yellow and blue and purple and red that is gut-wrenching in the violence it implies.

‘It’s not my secret to tell, Keiji’ , she says, unwavering.  

He wakes up, the pit in his stomach slowly filling up with dread. His dreams are turning out to be less like a shojo manga, more like a thriller that he suspects will give its protagonist a terrible end. 

'Have you been a good friend to Hana-chan these days? ’ the man asks, an unfriendly smile playing on his lips. 

Akaashi (or rather, him in her – though she’s in here somewhere too so it’s a little confusing) frowns, but accepts the box of vegetables and eggs held out to him anyway.  ‘I suppose’, he answers, the load heavy in his arms, and the man seems to accept his response, humming an offbeat tune. 

‘Well, I hope you can keep a secret, sweet girl’  the man laughs, tossing his cigarette butt on the grass before walking away. Sparks smoulder in the dry grass, and Akaashi hurries to balance the box on his hip before stamping them out. 

‘That’s Hana-chan’s father, Nakamura-san ’, she tells him, voice strained. ‘I need you to act normal around him, got that?’ 

‘Might need you to find me the definition for your normal’  he says drily. ‘That word’s lost its meaning to me these days ’. 

He hears her chuckle, but she doesn’t sound amused. 

Hana-chan corners him when he’s in her body and he’s stupid enough not to notice the fist that swings his way. 

‘I told you, you little creep’, she snarls, her nails digging into his arms.  ‘I told you to stay the fuck away from me, but did you listen? No! I saw you last night, creeping around my family’s house with that stupid phone of yours – did you really think I wouldn’t notice you? I’m warning you to stay away or I will fucking end you, got that? ’ 

And she spits in his face, and he’s still left trying to make sense of the sting of cold liquid on his cheek when burning hands shove down the stairs. Concrete and human flesh clashes, the victor already predetermined, his body wracked with pain as he lands heavily, face down on the floor. 

‘Last warning to stay away, you creep’, she shrieks before turning on her heel. There are no other students in the deserted hallway – not that anyone would come to help, not from his experience.  

‘Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to piece your secrets together myself?’ he demands, when he scrapes himself off the floor, body aching from bruises in full bloom. 

He can hear her breathe a sigh.  ‘It’s a long story’ , she finally says. 

‘Right now, all I have is time’ he answers drily. ‘Try me ’. 

So she tells him about taking a part time job with Hana’s mom, the town’s florist for some extra cash. She tells him about the noises she hears whenever Hana’s mom steps out of the store, faint echoes of  whimpers and sobs and broken cries for help, and how she puts two and two together when she sees the bruises on her classmate’s arms and legs. Her voice shakes when she tells him what she saw when she stole upstairs towards Hana’s bedroom one cloudy afternoon, how Hana’s dad gets off on hurting his teenage daughter, how she tried to report what she saw -  but who’d believe the words of a teenage girl over the town mayor .

‘And now he’s taking it out on Hana-chan, which is why she hates me but I’m not going to let him stop me’, she tells him stubbornly and he can hear his past self gulp.

‘Are you insane? You shouldn’t get yourself involved. Tell someone, anyone. If you continue like this, you’re going to get yourself killed at this rate’. 

‘Stop being a worrywart, Keiji! ’ she laughs, but the sound is hollow. ‘I’ll be fine, I promise’. 

She’s back at the forest shrine, holding her hands together in prayer. The mangled remains of dandelions lie beside her knees, decapitated flower maidens sacrificed for wishes that they both know won’t ever come true. 

‘I told you no one will listen to me, Keiji’, she cries, her face buried in her hands. ‘They all think I’m a little child who’s making up stories for attention ’. 

‘There’s nothing you can do unless you have a record of it. Just keep your head down, or he’ll come after you next. How many times have I told you not to set yourself on fire to keep others warm? ’ 

Her head shoots up, and a feral grin ignites like wildfire on her face. ‘That’s brilliant, Keiji! ’ 

‘Wait no - that wasn’t meant to encourage you – that was meant to be metaphorical!’

‘If it all works out, it’s because of you! ’ she runs off, throwing her head back as she laughs, challenging the wind to catch her if it dares, before disappearing further into the woods. 

‘You have got to be kidding me  ’ he groans, kicking off the blankets to stare at his or well, her legs in horror. Dried blood is still caked into the deepest scrapes on her legs, and he can feel the ache from the bruises deep in his bones. ‘What on earth did you do?’  

‘I may or may not have slipped when I was scaling Hana’s drainpipe’ . 

He can feel the vein in his temple start to throb.  ‘You what?’ he bites out. 

‘They didn’t see me, I swear!’  

He groans in despair this time, dropping his head in his hands. What is he supposed to do with someone so ridiculously obstinate?

‘If anything happens – ‘ she begins to say but he cuts her off before she can complete her sentence. 

‘You promised me you wouldn’t do anything remotely risky and I refuse to let you put yourself in danger again. ’

She sighs, and worry flickers like a flame in his heart. 

‘Fine – just. If anything happens – ‘ 

‘Which it won’t, not on my watch’ , he tells her firmly. 

The smell of smouldering ash hits his nostrils. 

His eyes fly awake. He’s back in the old wooden house again, but he chases his curiosity to the front yard, where he finds the letterbox razed to the ground. 

‘A warning to stay out of his business ’, he hears her say, her voice determined.  ‘But I’m not going to be spooked just by that. ’

‘You promised to be careful’ he shouts, properly angry this time. ‘Look at what you’ve done! ’. 

‘I refuse to be a bystander to his madness’, she screams back. ‘I'd be tarred by his sins if I choose to do nothing about them. ’

His shirt is soaked in cold sweat when he stumbles out of bed, slapping his palms against his face to reassure himself that he’s not back in the dreamscape. 

‘It’s not real. It can’t be real’, he tells his reflection firmly, but his mirror self only stares back at him. 

In the morning, he skips class to make a trip back home, intent on leaving the  omamori  where it belongs, back in his childhood bedroom, so he can look forward to adulthood without these  ridiculous dreams clouding his way. He stops by the florist on the way, as is his usual practice these days. 

‘Flowers for your mother?’ the florist asks, when she opens the shutters to greet him, her first customer of the day. 

‘Yes’, he answers shortly, and on an impulse he adds (because he needs something to fill the newly empty space on his desk) - ‘and maybe  a houseplant. Something that’s relatively easy to take care of would do the trick.’

She hums in thought, fingers busy tying ribbons in the bunch of yellow roses for his mother. He doesn’t need to ask to know that the baby’s breath she includes is on the house. 

‘What about rosemary?’ she suggests. 

‘For remembrance?’ he asks, wrinkling his nose at the reference to Hamlet. The sudden thought of poor, mad Ophelia, floating dead in a stream, water lilies in her hair hits a chord that’s a little too jarring. ‘Um. Maybe a cactus might be better instead.’

He wonders if he’s imagining things, but he catches a flash of disappointment on her face before she replies easily - ‘sure!’, bending down to pull out a grumpy looking bulb full of thorns. Then she waves him off, his purchases packed in a neat brown bag. ‘Please come again!’ 

The cactus replaces the omamori, sitting neatly on his desk. It refuses to die even when he forgets to water it for weeks at a time. 

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