#calling all wlw to mourn this with me
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my unruly heart (tsireya x fem! omaticaya reader)
contents: coming out, jake and neytiri being best parents, wlw, slight bullying, after neteyam’s death, you’re the oldest sully kid, secret relationship, gay lololol
a/n: i rewatched the prom on netflix twice this week and so this fic is based on song “unruly heart.” it made me cry and now i’m listening to it as i’m writing this. hope you like it 🫶🏽
₊˚. ღ
y/n knew from a young age she wasn’t like her siblings. she had four fingers and the attributes of her mother. and had the sarcastic attitude of her father.
but growing up, she never crushed on boys like her sister did. and when boys crushed on her, she did the most to avoid them and push them away.
“he was a nice boy, y/n. you’d be a fool not to go out with him.” kiri said one day as they walked back home through the forest.
“i’d be a fool if i went with him.” she retorted.
“he’s nice! and cute too.”
she rolls her eyes. “kiri, if you like him that much, then you date him.” she responded. kiri was taken aback at her sudden attitude.
“okay, i was just teasing. relax.” she shrugged.
y/n rolled her eyes and kept on walking.
“y/n, i’m sorry! if you don’t want to date him, there’s plenty of other guys that would love to be with you instead.” she called out.
“ugh, why do i have to be with any boy?” y/n groaned.
they walked past their friend, ewan. she was their friend they met while gathering fruits a couple weeks ago. she was kind to the girls.
“i see you, y/n, kiri.” she said softly, raising her accessorized hand up to her forehead.
the girls greeted her back and continued walking but y/n stared at her for a little longer than intended.
they made it to their home that was still in the trees. kiri and y/n were only ten years old at this point and their family had no need to live in the hallelujah mountains.
“what? boys? you talk about boys?” tuk exclaimed. she was only four years old and only knew a few words.
y/n chuckled and put her basket of fruit down in the corner.
“we were just saying boys are annoying and smelly and gross.” she chuckled as she picked up her four year old sister.
she kissed her cheek and went to put her down again.
she watched as she went to play with neteyam again and sat down with her thoughts.
her brother had girls drooling all over him all the time. she didn’t understand what they saw in him in terms of looks. her brother isn’t all that much to look at.
and kiri, sometimes all she talks about is the boys in the clan that have cute hair or are good hunters. and sometimes all she talks about is spider.
she didn’t understand it either. spider wasn’t much go look at either.
she was stuck with these thoughts for years.
the family was now living in the metkayina clan after the war against the demon ship. they had suffered the loss of their firstborn son and the responsibility of the eldest child went to y/n.
over two years had passed since the battle and now y/n was seventeen, turning eighteen. living on the reef was easier than it was two years ago.
the family missed neteyam more than anything, especially y/n. she wished she could ask him for advice. but they were able to find peace after years of mourning and sadness.
neteyam was the only one who ever knew about y/n and now she doesn’t know who to talk to other than tsireya.
she was worried about saying anything because she remembered how kiri was made fun of when they first arrived, being called a freak for being different.
while same-sex couples were considered normal in the omaticaya clan, she never thought about how the metkayina clan felt about them.
or how her parents felt about them. she never asked. they most likely don’t have a problem but what if they turned out to be angry? confused?
she couldn’t fathom the thought of them looking at her with such disgust and hate.
so she kept it hidden for as long as she could. and she did it successfully, until her family was suddenly obsessed with her being with the chief’s son.
they were good friends, her and ao’nung, but they didn’t feel the same way about each other. but their parents agreed that she’d make a great tsahìk with the right training.
but in their worry about their other kids and their behavior, they forgot to ask y/n what exactly she wanted. if she even wanted this arrangement at all.
she sat at the edge of her marui facing the shallow reefs while continuing to make a crochet top she started the other day.
as she looked at the string down in her lap, a face popped up in the water below her.
“hello, tsireya.” y/n mumbled, not looking up.
tsireya grumbled, creating bubbles that floated up to the surface. she lifted herself up and smiled.
“i’ll scare you one of these days.” she sighed. she took her hair and wrung out the water before flipping it back.
y/n chuckled quietly and continued her project.
tsireya bent down so y/n would look at her face.
y/n sighs and finally looks up. “i’m busy, tsireya.”
“too busy to talk to me?” she asked with pleading eyes.
y/n shakes her head softly. she puts her craft down and gives her attention to tsireya.
she knows that tsireya will guilt trip her way to get y/n’s attention but will let her do it anyway.
“are you okay?” she asked, tilting her head a bit.
“i’ve been thinking a lot about my parents. i have no idea how they will react.” she answered.
“i thought you already told them last night.” tsireya lifted herself up to sit next to her.
“i panicked. i couldn’t get the words out.” she admitted.
tsireya sighs and places her hand on y/n’s.
“i’m sorry. it’s okay, you will have another chance.” she said sweetly. y/n looks up to smile at her.
she sighs and looks out onto the other maruis lining the beaches of the island.
“i wish neteyam were here. he’d know what to do.” she muttered.
“i know you miss him.” tsireya mumbled. their hands interlocked as tsireya rubbed her thumb on her skin softly.
“what happened to make you so nervous?” she asked.
“my siblings. lo’ak was stressing my dad out again, kiri and tuk were play fighting while my mom was breaking them up. they were stressed and tired and i didn’t want to upset them.” y/n said, recalling the events of last night.
“i have an idea.” tsireya gasped. y/n glanced at her. “what is it?” she smiled.
“i will take your siblings out so you have the night to yourself with your parents. they will not be stressed and you can talk to them.” she said.
y/n thinks it over for a moment. “okay.. that might work-“
“great! i’ll go tell lo’ak and kiri right now.” she starts to stand but y/n quickly stops her and gets her to sit back down.
“wait! uh- uhm..” she tried to come up with an excuse on the spot but came up with nothing.
“are you still not ready?” tsireya sighed out.
“i feel like i am! but.. what about ao’nung? our parents have our future decided for us. what will happen when i tell them that their future for me isn’t what i want?”
“you won’t know unless you tell them. they will understand when they realize you want to be with someone for love.” tsireya says.
she takes both of y/n’s hands in hers and holds them.
“i’m scared, tsireya.” y/n whispered.
tsireya clicks her tongue and pulls y/n into her side to hug her.
“i’m so sorry, my love. i wish i could help more.” she said softly.
“if you don’t want to, we will not do it. you can tell them when you are ready.” she muttered.
the creaking of the woven pathways caught the girls' attention and they pulled away from each other.
y/n sniffs and rubs her face while tsireya lets out a nervous sigh while rubbing her hands on her thighs.
they look behind them to see jake coming in with neytiri behind him. they’re carrying food for dinner tonight.
“hey, girls.” jake greeted kindly.
“hey, dad. we were just talking.” she said quickly, like she had been caught.
he looks at his daughter weird for a moment. “i see that..”
“where are your siblings?” neytiri asked.
“they’re playing with the ilu. i just came to check on y/n but i am leaving now.” tsireya said with a smile.
she jumps down from the marui into the water and pats y/n’s knee.
“i love you.” tsireya whispered. y/n smiled and whispered it back before tsireya swan away.
“she’s a good friend. checkin’ up on you.” jake said to her.
“yeah. a great friend.” y/n sighed out.
“y/n, come help your mother make dinner.” neytiri said, starting a fire. y/n turns and gets up to help neytiri.
later that night, tsireya didn’t carry out her plan while knowing how y/n was against it. so they ate dinner, talked for a while, before going to sleep.
y/n couldn’t though. in the middle of the night, she found herself sitting at the edge of the marui again while staring at the bioluminescence living in the water.
she was so deep in her thoughts, she didn’t hear her dad wake up and walk over.
she gasped lightly when he sat down beside her.
“you scared me.” she chuckled lightly.
“sorry, sweetheart.” he muttered, rubbing her back a bit.
she sighs and looks at the water again.
“what’s wrong? why can’t you sleep?” he asked.
“i had a lot on my mind.” she shrugged in response.
jake nods and looks at the water.
“is it ao’nung? are you worried about him?”
y/n’s breath hitches. “yeah, sort of,” she nodded.
“what is it? you two will make great leaders, you don’t have to worry.” he said.
“it’s not that, dad.” she looks up at him.
“oh.. then what is it?” he asks gently.
“i… don’t like ao’nung like that. he is my friend.” she said.
his eyes widen a bit. “aw, sweetheart, why didn’t you say anything? i never would have suggested you be together if i knew.” he says softly.
y/n hugs herself as her stomach tightens from the nerves.
“if you don’t want to be with him, you know what? that’s perfectly okay. you don’t have to be with him to be tsahìk. you can rule together but not.. you know, together.”
she looks up at him. “really? but what about his parents? and mom?”
“we can talk it out. but i’m not gonna force you to do something you’re not comfortable with. i couldn’t bear that.” he said, gently wrapping an arm around her.
she feels small relief but is still worried about telling him.
“so, you can tell me. why don’t you like him? is it the..” jake points to his lips. “the fish lips?”
“dad.” y/n chuckled.
“come on. what, is it the attitude?”
“i mean.. he is nice and more mature than when we met but.. uhm..”
her nails dig into her arm slightly.
jake leans over to see her face clearly. he sees she wants to say something. he moves a braid from her face and tucks it behind her ear.
“hey, you okay?” he asks.
she looks up at him slightly. “you can tell me anything, you know that. i’m your dad.” he reminded her.
she stared at him for a moment.
“i don’t like ao’nung.. because he is a boy.”
jake’s eyes widen at those words. he watched as tears began to form in his daughters eyes.
“oh..”
“i understand if you’re disappointed.”
“no, no. y/n, i’m not-“
y/n covers her mouth and all jake think to do is hug her. to remind her that he loved her.
“i’m not disappointed in you. i’m so proud of you, know that?” he muttered.
“what?” y/n looks up. “but i messed everything up.”
“you didn’t mess up a thing.” he told her.
he cups her face with one hand. “you are my daughter. i could never be disappointed in you or angry at you for something you can’t control.”
y/n started to cry even more. “and listen to me. there is nothing you could ever say to get me to stop loving you. do you understand? nothing.”
“all i ever wanted was for my kids to be happy and to grow up to be with someone for love.”
she nods. he pulls her in again as she cries softly while hugging back. “i love you, sweetheart.”
“i love you, dad.”
he hugs her for a little moment longer.
“dad-“
“yeah?”
“you’re hurting my ribs.”
he looks down and kissed the top of her head one more before letting her go, making her breath heavily.
“jeez, dad.” she laughed quietly.
“i’m sorry. i just love you so much, sweetheart.” he rubs her head gently and she chuckled.
he pats her shoulder once. “let’s get some sleep, yeah? you’ve had a stressful day.” he says.
“okay.” y/n nods. he goes to his side of the marui to sleep next to neytiri while y/n goes to her corner to get some rest.
the next morning, y/n leaped out of her corner, put away her mat and blanket and ran out of the marui before her siblings could even yawn awake.
neytiri was making their breakfast when she ran out without warning. “y/n, your breakfast!”
she runs off and neytiri huffs. she looks over at jake who’s plating the food for the kids.
“is she okay?” she asked him.
he looks up at her and then back down at his task. “you’ll have to ask her.” he shrugged.
neytiri stays staring at him, waiting for him to spill it.
“i’m not telling you.” he muttered in a sing-songy tone
she hissed quietly and continued cutting vegetables. jake laughs to himself before getting up to wake up the kids.
y/n ran to the reef where tsireya was every morning, collecting food for her breakfast.
“tsireya!” y/n yelled out. tsireya was standing by rocks in shallow water that reached below her knee. she looks up to see y/n running at her.
y/n threw her arms around tsireya, almost knocking her over into the water.
“whoa- good morning.” she laughed.
y/n pulls away and holds her by the shoulders.
“i told my dad.” she smiled brightly.
tsireya gasps. “no!”
“yes!”
“when!?”
“last night! it went great, better than i though!” she exclaimed.
tsireya squeals and they hug while rocking in place in each other’s arms.
“oh, i’m so proud of you, y/n! i knew you could do it.” she laughed out.
they pull away for a moment. “what did he say?”
“he just said he wanted the best for me a that he still loved me. and i was so happy, j started crying and- ugh, i’m just so glad he finally knows.” she sighed out.
“this is amazing, y/n. wait, does.. does your mother know too?” tsireya asked, tilting her head.
y/n breathed out. “oh. uh, no. she doesn’t.”
“okay..”
“i forgot i have to tell her too.” she chuckled.
“it’s okay. i am positive she will have the same reaction as your father.” tsireya smiled. her hands rested on y/n’s shoulders while y/n’s hands were holding onto her arms.
“i was so excited to have my dad know uh..” y/n sighed.
tsireya thinks for a moment. “oh, i have to tame the baby ilu today. maybe i can take your siblings with me so it is just you and your parents.” she shrugged.
“okay.. yeah, please.” y/n nodded. tsireya smiles.
“okay, tell them when you go to eat breakfast.” she says. she kissed y/n’s cheek softly before y/n made her way home.
telling neytiri went perfectly, more than perfect. she responded with nothing short of love and support.
she kissed her face a bunch and kept reminding her that she loved her so much.
it made y/n realize she had nothing to worry about. her parents have spent years telling their kids that they love them.
her father moved their entire lives to protect them. her mother defended them when others called them demons.
that night, y/n went to visit tsireya again. they sat at the beach with the calming sounds of the waves crashing against the beach accompanying their voices.
“and she kept hugging me and during dinner, she gave me extra fruit and my siblings were jealous. it was great.” y/n sighed.
“i’m so happy for you. i knew you were strong enough to tell them one day.” tsireya said.
y/n looks at her and then down at her hand. she holds tsireya’s in hers.
“thank you for believing in me. and encouraging me. i couldn’t have told them without your love and support.” y/n said softly.
tsireya laughs softly and her ears perked up.
“i will always be here for you. to talk, to listen, to be there.” she muttered.
tsireya’s hand raised up to cup y/n’s face and she leans into her touch.
“i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone. you’re independent and strong and i admire you so much.” she said.
y/n smiled and looks down. “i’m not strong, i-“
“you are. i saw how you were there for your siblings after neteyam.” tsireya said softly.
y/n looks up slightly. “you’re an amazing girl. and i thank eywa everyday that i was able to have the pleasure of meeting you.”
y/n smiled and threw her arms around tsireya, making them both laugh out.
“i love you more, tsireya.” y/n sighed out.
tsireya hugs her tighter before they pull away to kiss.
they’ve kissed millions of times in secret but to kiss with people now knowing, it was a different feeling.
y/n wanted to shout her love for tsireya from the highest hallelujah mountains for all of pandora to hear.
having to hide was a pain but having to hide her love for tsireya was worse.
the next day, she brought tsireya to their home to properly introduce her to her parents.
while jake and neytiri shared their congratulations and embarrassed y/n with thousand of questions, she didn’t let go of tsireya’s hand once.
₊˚. ღ
a/n: if you ever need to talk to someone when having trouble with coming out to friends or family, or even coming to terms with your sexuality yourself, i and many others are available to talk and to listen.
love you, beautiful 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
#writing blog#atwow fluff#atwow x reader#avatar the way of water#writers#tsireya#tsireya x reader#wlw blog#wlw post#wlw love#tsireya x y/n#tsireya x you#atwow fanfiction#atwow#atwow tsireya
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Alright I was asked to make a list of all the The Garages songs I associate with life series things so I have done that
A few notes:
Songs are in no particular order (mostly just sorted by album as I was going through listening to them all)
All song titles (in color) are links to the respective songs, so you can listen to them :3
These songs are all worth listening to but my absolute favorites are marked in orange
Let me know what you think! I’ve been waiting so long to talk extensively about this :)))))) <- going to explode
list is below the cut because this got loooong
Astro Astronomodome’s Garages Life Series Playlist:
Eyes in the Dark- *gestures vaguely* how am I gonna live with these eyes in the dark when they’re following me around and they’re following you around 👍 and there’s nowhere you can go that they’re not there 👍
Jaylen Hotdogfingers Settles The Score- limited life winner martyn in thy little wood I am so normal about you <- lie
Godspeed- TIES sending off Skizz… see you space cowboy
Curse of Crows- third life grian-core, you know, when he was green and couldn’t actually kill but he and scar were going around being vaguely threatening. You could maybe use the crows in this as a metaphor for red life scar. Also birds
Relief Pitcher (Leave It On The Field)- Extremely strong vibes but I’m not sure of what. Maybe last life martyn? In the final battle? Idk. Maybe every martyn. I ljke him. (anyway this song changed my brain chemistry permanently so it deserves a place in the list regardless)
rooting for you- I’m delusional, bdubs is a species of plant, and ethubs is wlw. what is a nature wives
we had a season- ok this is THE desert duo song. No song will ever end of double life we’ve-spent-so-much-time-dancing-around-each-other-and-now-we-have-nothing-left-but-each-other desert duo as hard as this song. I have a very detailed AMV in my head of this so you know I’m right. It’s even a duet… ‘we had a season, we had a year/between when I died and when I reappeared’ (there’s almost exactly a year between grian’s last third life episode and scar’s first double life episode. I checked for this reason specifically and it killed me instantly) PLEASE just listen to this one ‘I had my reasons, I had my fears/I had my pride (I still had tears in my eyes as I died)’
dead ringer- just as the previous song is The desert duo song, this is The red king ren song. It slaps and the vibes are perfect. ‘my skin is made of energy, my blood is made of fire/I am what will happen when your best-made plans backfire’
hexed- very much post-3rd life watcher grian. pretty self-explanatory
The Alternate- ‘I’m new but I’ve seen so much/I’m old but I was not there’ do I even need to say it. Gem-as-Cleo and Lizzie-as-Pearl (‘I’ve done this once before’)
gamer grindset- yeah this is The Life Series Joel Song. you can fight me on this but you don’t have to because I know I’m right
a leap of faith- reminds me of scar. nothing in particular it just has similar vibes
haunted- ok now this is a Real watcher grian kind of song. ‘my body is a temple/for the gods of other men/wielded as a weapon by foes I swore I’d never be again’ ok. edgy bird moment
she’s dead and i’m someone else- this one requires some interpretation but I’ve always seen it was team BEST mourning the loss of bdubs. However it could also be applied to almost every ten in the life series that lost a member early lol
Mike Townsend (feels the shadows call)- specifically last life shadow alliance martyn but any martyn in general fits. he’s having a bad time
INCINERATE- just like. Being on your red life in general and the bloodlust and manic energy that brings. 😛 (edit after the finale: OKAY I KNOW THERES SO MANY LIMITED LIFE MARTYN SONGS BUT THIS IS ALSO ONE OF THEM ‘I know how to win this/I don’t need to play your games/I’m just gonna dance now/I’ll show you how to deal with pain’ ‘every day’s getting worse and we’re starting to choke/‘cause the water in the air is getting stuck in our throats’ LIKE COME ON MAN)
Sidelined- limited life skizz you will always be famous ‘am I just another wash-out/am I damned to go out swinging/I can’t hear you from the dugout/is there anyone else singing for me’ I am singing! I am singing for you skizzleman!!!!!!!!!
Firewalker With Me- the song. The myth. The legend. It’s just such a great song and it’s about life series grian’s curse of killing the people he cares most about. Grian is a parker if you think about it <- mentally ill (special note- ‘nobody deserves to be called a curse/but if you’re gonna resist I’m happy to make things worse’ is grian accidentally getting jimmy final-killed first in limited life btw)
We’ve Got History- not to be that guy but desert duo. Ok
New Year, Same Me- martyn.
The Return- the start of a new life series! Seeing old friends again! Missing friends who couldn’t make it (cough cough martyn missing ren in limited life cough cough)! Playing the game! Living and loving despite the horrors!
A Horrible Mistake We Will Make Again And Again- grian grian grian. Grain. The bird boy. Also easily one of my favorite Garages song titles. ‘If I don’t know the limits, how am I gonna break them?/If you think that we’re kidding well then you’re sorely mistaken’
The First Ain’t The Last- canary curse activated! Honestly the entirety of this album is just the average life series lmao ‘and one day you’ll wake up/and from the ashes a phoenix will rise/and she’ll hit like a champ/and burn out bright before your eyes’
The Ballad of Unremarkable Derrick Krueger- another one that definitely has life series vibes (and is just a really good song) but that I just can’t place. I want to say Tango honestly because he always has been somewhat painfully mediocre and has famously always final-deathed in underwhelming and meaningless ways
Rise- this is the Cleo song. Epic. Thank you Cleo :) Joe can be the monitor in this scenario I think he’d be good at it
RIV- does anyone still remember that part of martyn’s last life lore where the mysterious voice was promising that he would get to see jimmy mumbo and impulse again if he followed its instructions? Well……
Hell’s Game- Blaseball is a death game and this song leans into that so naturally it fits pretty well with the life series as a whole. Would make a great AMV
5am Shift- Ok bear with me here. This doesn’t really fit Pearl other than the song title (lol) and maybe you can make some parallels to cleaning lady Pearl but it gives me her vibes. Plus it’s just a whole jazzy banger and one of my favorite songs so it’s going here anyway :)
Nullified- for the end of limited life. pretty self-explanatory ‘wasted all my minutes/trying to stay alive/and look where it got me/I’m just the last one nullified’ honestly worked better before the actual finale because martyn was more manic about it than this song would imply
STRIKEOUT!- life series mumbo my horrible wet cat. this song is a little weird but it suits him I think
The Tug- they never left the desert.
SUN 2- obligatory flower husbands song for all the flower husbands enjoyers out there. Time to go cry I guess
flooding/drowning- big impdubs moment. Or honestly just any of bdubs’s life series exes reminiscing… ‘and you’re angry when the energy rises to meet you/like the life rafts are disrespectful to the sea’ is the most life series bdubs thing I’ve ever heard
REMEMBERTHEM- very good and classic anti-watcher song. If c!martyn was just a little more aware of his situation I think this would fit better (honestly a lot of good garages songs just don’t fit very well because we haven’t quite reached the ‘let’s kill the watchers’ stage of the lore yet lmaooo)
Nothing Happens Every Day- tfw when no life series 🥺 could also be martyn because he loves to kill <3
historic season nine party time speedrun and associated records- mean gills vibes. a nice quiet evening in the coral isles, reminiscing
Mike Townsend Is A Disappointment- I’m so sorry Jimmy but it fits too well
Bonus! Hermitcraft-adjacent songs:
Storm’s Raging- moon big. the long, slow, inevitable end of the world. Bdubs looking up at the sky as it falls on him. the lyrics kick ass as well: ‘there were days when it all seemed never ending/when all you could hear was the forecasts, the fear/and the sound of the cloudline bending’ (and the way it speeds up at the end……. omg)
howling at twin moons- s8 scar. I will not elaborate
alaynabella hollywood- ariana griande <- wait who said that
golden- rentheking arc I love you :3 viva la revolution
Sincerely, The Collateral- hermitcitizen song tbh
Beep or Bleat- despite the EXTREMELY zedaph-coded song title this is actually end-of-season 8 tango moon landing-core. ‘do we possess a soul/does it exceed the speed of light/can it escape black holes/do we still have a chance to fight’
Nut Economy- another rentheking arc song. You can tell when I started watching HC from this can’t you. Well. Royal emeralds I miss you :(
Morning is Coming- HONESTLY if I had the ability to make AMVs this would be top of my list. It’s just so… so much. Escaping moon big at the end of season 8… I know it’s overdone at this point but it’s rotating around in my head all the time. What does it say about me that there are two moon big songs here and they’re both my favorites…
fourteen days is not enough for my screams to reach your ears- another tango lost in space at the end of season 8 song. it messed me up ok
psychoacoustics- I love convex* *DISCLAIMER: 99% of the convex knowledge I have comes from fan interpretation alone. Alternatively I could just be really trying to manifest a zedaph villain arc
oliver mueller (is a hero)- docm77 for several reasons which will become apparent almost immediately
hello world- grumbot I love you :] (putting in a different version so you can tell what the lyrics are without subtitles and I’m sorry because this version of the song is somewhat worse. they just start singing godspeed in the middle of it for some reason and like I’m not complaining I love that song but also why) (here’s the original version)
the entire kansas city breath mints team failed the bar exam- hermitcraft. no elaboration is necessary
#trafficblr#limited life spoilers#life series spoilers#sillyposting#astro's garages brainrot#life series
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All Rise: Season 3 Review
I’m so... vastly... disappointed in this season, to be quite frank.
I adored the first two seasons, the show quickly shot up to be my favorite currently ongoing TV show back then.
And even during those two seasons, I spent them in a state of tense suspense about Lola and Mark; I’ve seen what heteronormativity does to a perfectly fine TV show where the man and the woman were perfect as friends (looking at New Amsterdam in particular here). I feared they may kiss/cheat or that the show would just kill off Lola’s husband, give them a bit of a mourning phase and then make Mark/Lola a ship (again, looking at New Amsterdam here).
So that didn’t happen in season 3 either but damn they somehow managed to something worse?
Not only that they recast Robin with an actor who has... zero... chemistry with Lola, just at all, no, they newly introduce the “college sweetheart” and we spend the majority of the season watching Lola pine for this new character, have sex dreams (and, what’s infinitely worse, marriage and kids dreams) about him and then we end the season with her kissing that guy?
Which, the hypocrisy of that is driving me up the wall on its own if we consider the slut shaming that she did with Mark, when Mark got kissed against his will? She kept calling his lips slutty, she literally slut-shamed him for a non-consensual kiss that he shut down after. I always hated that, because she was supposed to be Mark’s best friend and her behavior around that was incredibly gross, made worse by the fact that she did not slut-shame her other best friend, aka the woman who did the kissing, the woman working with Mark’s girlfriend at the time, knowing full-well that Mark was in a relationship. But her? No, not her, Lola only slut-shamed Mark.
And now she’s the one kissing other guys. Sure, he was the one initiating the kiss, but so damn slow she could have backed out. And after all that pining.
I hate this. I hate nothing more than cheating plot-lines and now you are ruining this character that I love and this show that I love and it’s pissing me off beyond the moon.
And on top of that? The way the queer rep on the show got treated this season was just nasty.
I always loved Lisa’s character and was so happy when she finally got a girlfriend. And then this season sees her written off the show, which also obviously writes her girlfriend off the show, losing not one but two queer characters. Sure, Lisa had some special guest star moments, but it’s just not the same and Georgia didn’t come back at all.
The season 2 finale saw Sam and Ness kiss each other and I got excited about them doubling the wlw representation, and with two major characters this time around too!
And season 3 saw Sam written off entirely; Lisa at least had the guest appearances but Sam’s just... gone. And with her that entire plotline. Queerness does not come up around Nessa at all... if Nessa is even in it, because she was barely in this season too.
And then we end the season with a literal knife to the gut for Ness, their one remaining queer character (not that it’s been acted upon beyond that one kiss in season 2), leaving her potentially to die and be written off the show too.
Which, chances are quite high, considering that this finale left us with three majorly injured characters (all... characters of color, if I might add that). And it looks like Luke is going to pull through, so there’s about a 50/50 chance for Ness if they need the drama of her death or if they let her live.
I just... I’m just disappointed all around?
They went in their queer rep from 4 to... zero, basically, with nothing queer happening on-screen at all (i.e. dates, kisses, meeting someone, heck, just talking about their sexuality/partners).
And they chose to make their leading lady cheat on her husband, after spending a season of straining her relationship with said husband - which was, might I add, actually a really truly beautiful relationship in seasons 1 and 2.
This is genuinely the worse turn I’ve seen any show that’s been picked up after a cancellation take.
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(mentions of abuse) (but more about the after effects)
(still, um, inclusion of sexual trauma. and the topic of sexuality. and triggers)
Embarrassed sometimes by my own behavior.
Hate that sometimes getting trapped in my own....I don't know what to call it. Horrors.
Being in an environment in which I can 100% escape uncomfortable situations. Either by leaving/taking a break or telling people "hey I'm uncomfortable" and knowing that they're good and will respect me and we can change course. But no. Sometimes I don't do that. And I hate it. Hate having a reaction to things that disturb me and then going harder on them.
Maybe I'll just be writing something for myself and then my brain fills with horrors and I don't even realize. Leaking everywhere into everything. And I'll be like lol this is just ridiculous fun isn't it. Horror is fun. Messed up things can be interesting. And only realizing very late that I'm in a nightmare world of my own creation and deeply disturbed and it hurts and I'm just gonna laugh until it turns to screams of pain and fear and mourning
Or playing ttrpgs with friends and the chance to flirt to distract your enemies comes up and getting too into the rp of it and I've overdone it outside my comfort zone and absolutely no one is making me do this. And maybe no one notices because it's not like it's inappropriate behavior for the setting. But I notice and feel terrible like I can't control myself. And maybe when I bring it up with friend when we were gonna start wlw specific ttrpg she says I shouldn't play because it would be too uncomfortable for others to be around that and I should figure out sexuality elsewhere.
Where. Where. Don't feel fit to be around other people sometimes. My mind is full of nightmares and they'll escape.
Can only guess at why. Not for why the nightmares exist, but why they leak out so horribly.
Being in an environment for years where everyone around you supports an abuser. Even if they don't like him. Supporting "harmony". But harmony means doing whatever he says, because anything else makes him a sad hurt victim who I'm hurting by not complying with his wants, who everyone else has to rise and defend by chastising me for making him so sad and hurt. And learning that the safest place was to comply no matter how uncomfortable or hurting I was. Run to danger and inhabit it to try to be safe. Until everything gets tangled up and I can't tell the different between enjoyment, excitement, pain, discomfort.
Can only wonder if being around others might pull them into my nightmare world
Don't want to be alone. Want to be able to socialize and not have to avoid everything having to do with sexuality. Have gotten better on it, as far as more normal comfort and management of triggers. The other response of feeling endangered by any association of sexuality with me is way way down, though still there
And it's happened. Trying to socialize in fandom. All the nightmares escaping horribly. And I don't think anyone knows. I don't know if all the pain and discomfort I'm feeling is transferring to other people. Trying. Trying not to. Though it feels inevitable. Inevitable for something to come up and I won't realize what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. And maybe the times it's happened haven't hurt people I dunno but I'm still scared of it if too many nightmares escape
(one reason not to be in large Discord servers) (I guess) (I dunno I feel like some of my existence there is a mistake)
Wishing it was easier sometimes to just talk about trauma plainly. And then people would know. And maybe I could feel more normal. And maybe things wouldn't escape so uncontrolled because I would've done so in a purposeful controlled fashion. But that's often too much for people. Even if spoken of in a serious manner that's warned for and spoilered and all that >.>
Don't want to feel like a danger to others. Too difficult a past. Too many feelings
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Fic recs for mdzs/untamed
got your way with me by vesna (mrsronweasley)
Modern AU wwx and lwj live in the same building and meet in the elevator after hookups. They figure why not hook up together, closer to home. No emotions here, just convenience. Loooved it
A Full Sun (A Bright Moon) by Pip (Moirail)
Modern BDSM AU wwx falls into love at first sight with the beautiful man who runs the ropes workshop on Wednesdays. My first Pip fic and catapulted me straight into obsession with their writing
my body when it is with your body by fruitys
Modern AU lwj nude models for wwx’s drawing class. After they talk about it. Well, a little talking. A little fucking. Very sexy :DDD
hot mess express by etben
WLW college AU wwx is a gay disaster. lwj is a beautiful disaster. It takes a little but they finally get their act together. Sooooo cute
I Wish You Would by brooklinegirl
Modern AU lwj fucks, wwx finds out. Wwx decides it’s his duty as BFF to know all the details of the dick lwj has been getting, and be his emergency contact call. Broollinegirl always writes the best pining, and this one is no different
A capriccio by Pip (Moirail)
Modern AU lwj and wwx are neighbors. Wwx needs someone who plays violin for a composition he’s writing. Lwj plays violin. Beautifully. And later, he plays Wei Ying. The writing! The writing is so good
watching my heart go round by typefortydeductions
Modern AU BDSM lwj and wwx meet on an line app, hit it off, and then deal with life. This is very emotionally heavy but in a cathartic way where I felt cleansed after reading it. Also, it’s fire. Get the tissue box ready (for two reasons).
Heat It Up! with Wei Ying by justpeace
Modern AU lwj and wwx are chefs in a NYC test kitchen together. All the food they make sounds amazing, their videos are on point, and the kitchen management/youtube commenters are Too Real. Also Ratatouille is a classic
Something Kind of Normal by phnelt
Post canon cold pond cave marriage reveal…or is it?? Lwj mourned his husband for many long years, and now that wwx is back, it’s time to have a renewal ceremony. Or maybe it’s a first wedding. Who knows? So funny and cute
Your Heart, My Table by Spodumene
https://archiveofourown.org/works/31331252
Modern AU wwx and lwj celebrating Chinese New Year throughout the years. This was so good and hearfelt, switching between their childhoods to present day. Reading it filled me with feelings of love and family
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How was season 2 of The 100 so good?!
I mean there was some high class philosophical shit (”The dead are gone, the living are hungry”), the most epic plot twists (like Lexa being the commander and Clarke killing Finn and honestly, them letting Lexa and Clarke kiss) and just overall epicness that no season before or after ever had! It was brutal and SUCH AMAZING WRITING.. HOW DID IT ALL GO TO SHIT SO FAST?
#the100#the100s2#clexa#clarke griffin#lexa#heda lexa#clarke x lexa#lexa x clarke#wlw#calling all wlw to mourn this with me#supercorp#detective danvers#nyssara#swanqueen
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Things about Tower of Nero that I want to highlight to remember them forever:
Lu being an absolute badass woman, I just love her too much
Piper McClean being canon wlw, she was actually kissing another girl, we really fell in love in october
Chaos being canonically female (just chaos being mentioned as a deity rather than what's below tartarus)
nobody DIED, like no one on the good side at least?? yes plenty of beings have died throughout TOA, but nobody died in TON?? so many died in TLO and BOO, I expected to mourn someone and I didn't have too??! it made me so happy
solangelo. that's it. solangelo makes me happy.
will being incredibly supportive of nico, and instead of stopping him, going with him on dangerous adventures because he doesn't want to leave him alone. also them treating Nico's PTSD for what it is
WILL SOLACE CANONICALLY GLOWS IN THE DARK. HE'S A GLOWSTICK BABY.
also will just appearing at the gates of the throne room, glowing in rage because someone touched his boyfriend (and tried to kill his dad), and him just marching through everyone (everyone else letting him), just to pick up his hurt precious boyfriend and take care of him.
meg McCaffrey got her happy ending. she's baby, she deserves her family and her happy ending. also Lu being the mother and the 12 children being siblings?? that's one hell of a way to tell nero to fuck off and right his mistakes. we love meg.
dionysus being the best olympian after apollo. the duo content we needed, and now will never get
nico mentioning bob and how he wants to go look for him, because he can still be in tartarus
rachel still being a Total badass and hitting people in the eye with her blue hairbrush thus being iconic
meg acting as lester's anchor and only reason why he didn't let go of the ledge, not falling into chaos, is top tier 'reasons why I cried reading', because if you think about it, Meg is the first ever friend apollo ever had, and them being best friends is everything to me
also apollo choosing to go looking as lester rather than apollo because lester feels like home is on top tier 'reasons why I cried reading' too
again, the only thing apollo did in the end (once he was god again) that could be described as 'godly' was be in several places at once, fly his chariot, and get meg her unicorn
but apollo shooting fucking fire out of his hands is crazy asf, it was so cool. he really got amazing godly powers this book.
rick being bold enough to showcase abusive parenting knowing that a huge porcentage of his readers are minors, helping many realize that they could be in abusive households, and giving them a tool to reach out for help
apollo defeating nero was so satisfactory, because you realize in the end, that nero wasn't really a monster, he was monstrous, but still very much human (if only with some godly power), and pretty useless once he couldn't hide behind props and weapons, his being wasn't powerful, he was just under layers of protection
the jackson/blofis scene was so warm and loving, they really are willing to put their family in danger, baby estelle in danger, to help 'percy's friends' even tho she knew percy didn't like apollo, but she still takes in everyone who needs help, and paul being a loving and accepting husband
sally working on her SECOND novel, she really is having her best life
none of the big heroes from other series having protagonism, besides nico and will, instead giving the other kids from camp halfblood their chance to show they're just as worthy as the "heroes of olympus"
(still I would have loved to see a scene with everyone else, like the heroes of olympus guys, fighting together one last time, just for nostalgia's sake - I legit hoped to see percy and annabeth arriving with chiron in triumvirate tower, but yeah)
the arrow of dodona may have been a dumb, cringey, and slightly ridiculous thing at first, and I personally rolled my eyes everytime it said anything, but it knew what would happen from the start, and without its sacrifice, apollo would have achieved nothing. we stan one arrow
nico wearing a white cowboy hat. idky but it makes my heart swell with joy. he a gay cowboy
y'all know I love Apollo's arch, and I just gotta point this out. his trials, his time as lester, started with him falling to earth, and ended with him getting up after purposely throwing himself off the earth, towards tartarus, almost falling to chaos. that's really clever writing.
the olympians watching over him, and some actually being concerned for him rather than his progress.
poseidon not really giving a fuck about the world or council meetings anymore because percy's not there anymore
athena being the only one apart from artemis who trusted apollo could do it makes me warm fsr
lester deciding that the best way to retell his adventures is by singing is hilarious to me, he really thinks it'll solve everything
Grover not telling percy and annabeth jason died seems so funny to me, he really said "nah it doesn't matter much, field trip, yes"
"hey man" my heart broke in twenty million pieces. like I don't know where I expected to see jason. but that wasn't it. and it hurt me as much as it hurt apollo man.
(also I kinda hoped we would see nico summon his spirit or smth, but I'm actually happy nico realized that jason went by his own choice, and he was in peace, so he decided not to summon him, because it was alright. that hurt too)
kinda love how lester passes out after literally every battle. it reminds you that even tho he's apollo, his body isn't. I'm sure we all would pass out too if we did a quarter of what lester did in the span of 4 days. his body isn't made to endure that, it doesn't even have a halfblood endurance, it's a weak mortal body
the trogs were fucking hilarious. their screeches and grrs, idk there's something ridiculous and so childish about them, it's so fun
really happy that apollo never had a /real/ love interest (reyna doesn't count), cause that wasn't what his story was about. instead he got to make so many friends, and have quality time with them and his children, it's amazing
apollo being thankful people were telling him he'd grown, and was more human, because he realized that was the best thing he could have learned from his time as a mortal
also him saying fuck you man to zeus and his speech, like "no asshole dad, I did learn, I'm not going to see this as punishment, it was a great time in which bad things happened but I enjoyed it." yes, we love apollo not letting zeus win
getting to see what everyone will do now. nico and will figuring out rachel's prophecy, probs saving bob. rachel living her best life away from her parents. leo doing what leo does, always helping those who have no one else. the hunters' open storyline about this fox, possibly hinting at content? piper settling down in a quiet life is what she deserves tbh, she's earned quiet life with a cute gf, wish her the best. Frank and hazel being the best praetors, and I bet they will continue to be so. And annabeth and percy, who chose their happiness over all, at last
kinda wish we got to see someone still really miss jason after apollo becomes god again tho lmao like apollo missed jason more than the others, nico and piper being the exception. I mean, leo is fine and dandy, hazel and frank are okay, percy and annabeth are done mourning... I just we got to see any of them really mourning, rather than reading they mourned. it would have made it feel more emotional
the last conversation and the last words in general. "the sun always comes back" and "we're friends now. call on me. I'll be there for you" that shit got me sobbing my heart out. rick really managed to do right by the books and end it like he should have, unlike BOO. he took what made TLO good and used a similar formula. it's very different from "and for once I didn't look back", but it still fills you with warmth and the feeling that even though it's over, it's okay.
I'm just really emotional, this is all I can think about, but you bet I'm gonna add more when I remember
#ton#toa#tower of nero#the tower of nero#trials of apollo#pjo#hoo#ton spoilers#toa spoilers#riordanverse#pjoverse#lester papadopoulos#meg mccaffrey#will solace#nico di angelo#jason grace#rachel elizabeth dare#luguselwa#percy jackson#annabeth chase#piper mcclean#camp halfblood#percy jackson and the olympians
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listen I hear and see critters critiquing the representation of romance and sexuality between women and as someone who quite literally analyzes sexuality and representations of it; they don't have to be perfect for them to be meaningful and important as representations. People and the relationships they form aren't perfect, and often telling the story of one person or relationship in all its flaws and unique eccentricities not only makes it more relatable to an audience but also allows underrepresented people to also have diverse types of representation
I know we're more than 100 episodes in, but until Yasha came back around episode 80-ish , Yasha didn't have much consistent opportunity to develop really interesting and deep relationships with the entirety of the Nein. Combined with the fact that she emotionally and physically distanced herself because she was afraid to feel the grief of loss meant that Yasha's only started to grapple with whatever nascent feelings she might have developing for Beau. It's incredible to find a piece of media where a queer woman grapples with loss - that isn't sensationalized as trauma p*rn - who we see open up to to the possibility of new love and how to approach that (which, flirting like that with the mirror? I am SO happy to see Yasha being playful like that, healing isn't all pain and sorrow - it's also finding new joys)
And Beau's entire character development including pre-game backstory resonates with such a central experience for wlw - how do you tell that you're in love with someone as opposed to some other feeling? Most cultural scripts tell us we're just supposed to know because it'll feel different from other relationships like with family and friends, but what happens when you explore your feelings for a best friend? Beau has had approximately 3 experiences around romance and love in her life, and that's all she's had for reference; Tori, Jester, and Yasha. With Tori, Marisha's implied it was closer to hero-worship infatuation, but Beau called it love when she told Yasha about it because that was her only point of reference. Then she developed a beautiful friendship with Jester, who she loves very dearly, and for the first time had to try and reconcile being attracted to someone who she genuinely knew well enough to love and care for, and so "oh shit, I guess this is love" isn't an unreasonable thought. But then again she's now had a new experience of having Yasha show her interest in quiet but poignant ways (and I mean, that's the kind of person Yasha is anyway) and as she and Yasha DO settle develop their own unique dynamic over time, it's also given Beau some new perspective to reflect on what those past experiences were compared to what she's just starting to feel now. So in beau's arc we get to see a lesbian learn how to make sense of her emotions in a pretty realistic way, and it tells wlw watching "oh, it's okay to not know exactly what my feelings are for this person right now or for me to change my mind later because I'll have more experience to be able to tell later"
and as far as their progressing relationship goes? It's a great example of how people can meet at different places in their lives and not be right for each other at that time, but that doesn't mean they can't be right for reach other eventually. Beau gave Yasha her space to mourn. Beau needed that space herself to grapple with what long-term emotions and relationships might mean to her and try to work through some unhealthy shit she picked up from her parents. Neither of them were in a good place for a relationship until maybe ~30 episodes ago, and we've seen a gradual buildup since then. And even still, lesbians flirt???? I know we all like to joke about how useless wlw are but we contain multitudes??? This message has been brought to you by the Mighty Nuance
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Rivers of Crimson (Ymir x Reader)
I absolutely can bestie!
I had a hard time trying to find out what I could do for some angst without being yk. One of those “I’m not Christa :(“ fics, so here’s some hurt/comfort w/ some extra angst mixed in !! Angst is my absolute favourite to write, I’m so elated that it’s is my first request. Especially with Ymir, too !! Thank u <3<3
Title: Rivers of crimson
Genre: Angst w/happy ending, hurt/comfort
Warnings: Canon-typical violence, descriptions of injuries, angst, swearing, Ymir being kind of a meanie, fighting, implied comphet if you really REALLY squint
Word count: ~1.7k
IMPLIED SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 OF ATTACK ON TITAN !!
(There was no specific request for a WLW reader, so I tried to keep it as gender-neutral as I can :>)
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Ymir had never really felt helpless since her youth. Even then, in those moments, she felt as though she had been ruling, that whatever she could do would bring praise and gratitude and triumph. It was only after she had been adjudged when she realised that the reason she sought after that feeling of authority for so long was because of just how dependent she had actually convinced herself she was.
Becoming a god was the loneliest feeling in the world, but solitude brought a power not many had; it brought independence. She never had to worry about others.
She often found herself watching her fellow cadets when they returned from battle. Ymir would often follow as they broke down, crumbling to their knees in wracked sobs upon hearing of the demise of their loved ones. She would listen to the hums of commiseration from other soldiers or watch as they would help the mourning fighter to their feet and lead them away from others' scrutinising eyes. She wouldn't pity them. The feeling of sympathy was foreign to her.
Ymir had been fighting for a grand portion of her life now. She had held herself to those same beliefs since her first day of training, so she was specifically surprised when she had taken such a liking to you.
She fought it for a while. Whenever you would sit with her at lunch, she would make an effort to seem uninterested when you spoke of your day. When you stumbled during training, she would correct you, but would mask whatever tenderness that found her voice with a sigh or a comment implying that you “need to suck it up”.
Yet, despite how she pushed and strayed from you, you remained a constant in her life of inconsistencies. Eventually, you were the closest to what she could call a friend.
Ymir ignored how, whenever you would patch her wounds or link to her on cold nights or how often you would sleep in the same bed, she was far too mercenary to label you as something other than a friend. Even that was stretching it.
Though, in moments like these, Ymir wished that she was raw enough to let you know. Because, in moments like these, she would be terrified to misspeak.
You wouldn’t fight often. Not like this.
You had mentioned having to “get up early” off-handedly during dinner when excusing yourself from the table. Ymir asked about it and you mentioned a scout that had been injured, whom you volunteered yourself to replace for an outer-walls mission. You said it all so casually. Ymir couldn’t grasp any sarcasm in your voice or crack in your authored facade as you brushed through your hair in the mirror of her chambers. She didn’t see you make eye contact with her once. You spoke to her coolly about how happy you were to finally be able to sleep, about the dinner and how it was cold that day, about how Jean had snuck some of your apple at lunch that day.
Ymir just stood in silence, considering and rejecting things to say in response.
“Were you gonna tell me about how you’re leaving tomorrow, or was I just supposed to wake up without you and put it together myself?” She spoke before thinking. You hesitated, hovering over your cupboard.
“Ymir, it’s not a big deal,” you finally sigh, running a hand through your hair the moment it’s freed. “I said it was just a capture mission. Hange said we won’t go far-“
“You can't go.”
You narrow your eyes. You had now frozen in your tracks completely; no longer pacing around the room to place things in their correct spaces.
“I’m not a child,” you speak gently, as if to a rabid dog. The blaze in her eyes was enough to pardon it. “I don’t have to ask your approval to work. I don’t need you next to me,” you deride lightly, insignificantly, as you turn your back to her. You didn’t plan to sound so dismissive.
“Are you seriously being this fucking petty right now? You could die out there,” Ymir, however, fully intended her venomous rhythm. She towers over you, if not just in her tone alone. “You’re being stupid. You know you're not strong enough to fight with that squad.”
Your breath hitches in your throat. Ymir regrets her words immediately, but she doesn’t waver in her stance.
“What the fuck is your problem?” you sneer. “You insist on how little you care about me, but as soon as I do anything without your permission you yell at me?”
“That’s not what this is about, (y/n)-”
“Then what is it about, Ymir? Why are you so scared?”
“I don't give a shit about what happens to you! I'm just-” Ymir catches herself before she can finish her sentence. “No, I-”
“Exactly,” before she can correct herself, though, you are biting y
our lip the way you do when you're biting back tears and you are in front of her. “Move. I need to go to bed.”
She is wordless as she steps to the side and allowing you to pass her. It isn't until she hears your footsteps down the hall when she speaks.
“If you come back, I won’t be here.” She hears you stop. Ymir doesn't expect you to come running to her, arms open and folded clothing discarded into a pile on the hallway floor. She isn't entirely sure why she's digging such a hole for herself - she doesn't mean what she's saying - of course she doesn't, she adores you, so why is she so set on pushing you as far away as she possibly can? Why does she feel that she needs to?
“Good.” you reply. The footsteps continue, then you are gone.
You are gone for three days.
Ymir, at first, didn’t count the hours.
She stewed in her angst alone for a grand portion of the morning without you; she dutifully avoided talking about whatever mission you had left for at the table that morning.
Despite herself, Ymir had to eventually confront her weakness after the third consecutive “Are you okay?” Of that day that she wasn’t doing as good of a job of hiding her worry as she had thought.
She thought she didn’t seem too bothered when your name was mentioned at the breakfast table.
She thought she didn’t look too obviously intrigued when, 30 hours since you left (she swore she hadn’t counted), she heard Captain Levi murmur something about a retrieval squad. She thought she didn’t sound so desperate when she attempted to bring it casually up in conversation, yet she couldn’t fight the cracks in her voice and she couldn’t stop herself from wringing her hands over her wrists in worry when she thought nobody was looking. Helplessness went from being a stranger to a thorn at her side in a matter of hours.
It had been the dawn of the fourth day when Ymir was awoken by a creek by her door. She remained stiff as she listened to light footsteps approach her bed, but she softens when she hears you. When she sat up, unsure of whether you were actually there or if she had just been consumed by grief and began to hallucinate, you winced.
She blinks.
There are no words exchanged.
Ymir debates speaking, though her body moves before she can and, in minutes, you are sat in the bathroom and she is kneeling in front of you.
Ymir isn’t certain (it seems like she hadn’t been certain about anything at all for the past week) why she wasn’t crying. She isn’t sure why she’s so terrified to touch you, or to speak, or to maintain eye contact for longer than a millisecond.
You were in frightening shape. Had she not been petrified to talk, Ymir would be swearing under each breath.
Blood still seeped from your open wounds, cascading in small, splitting rivers of crimson down the side of your face. It had likely been far too long since you had fought any kind of titan, Ymir thought. Their blood would've been long since steamed. It was your blood. You must have noticed her hesitance as she wiped it, gently, dreading that she would uncover another wound, because you broke the abundant, pregnant stillness
“They lost two scouts.”
“Oh.” Ymir responds. An unfamiliar feeling settles uncomfortably in her gut. “I’m sorry.” You nod, then you are silent again.
Ymir takes a moment to resume her conscientious work.
There is no obligation between either of you to say anything more. Your eyes are fixed downward, resting heavily on Ymir as she squints at the cap of some kind of disinfectant. She’s biting her tongue.
“I didn’t mean anything I said,” Ymir spoke to you suddenly and without looking you in the eyes. You’re thankful because it told you that you weren’t the only one too frightened to do so. “I do give a shit about what happens to you,” You laugh insignificantly, shaking your head. “I thought you died. I thought I lost you and the last things I said to you was that I wouldn’t be here, but I will. I’ll always be here.” She is desperate, rambling until she realises it and lulls herself.
You would say something dismissively comforting had it not been for the silence Ymir’s hand brought as it raised to your cheek and gently brushed a stray tear away. It is so small and trifling, yet it is gracious and fragile and kind and it means the universe to you.
“I know,” you respond.
You don’t need to hear a long-drawn, significant plea. You don’t need it because, truthfully, you knew you likely wouldn’t get it from Ymir in the first place.
However, as she guides you gently back into her bed, engulfing you in the white sheets, and places a small kiss on your forehead, something settles within you.
It was a feeling one would associate with the moments after receiving an apology; it is warm, tender, relieving.
You were home. You were safe.
You were loved.
Although she hadn’t said it, it wasn’t needed, because as Ymir’s arms tighten around you, you certainly felt it enough to maintain a sleepy smile as you drifted off alongside her.
#yall i love ymir so much but i think she is SO hard to write#ymir x reader#ymir#aot#attack on titan imagines#ymir imagines#ymir x you#aot imagines#attack on titan imagine#ymir oneshot#attack on titan oneshot#attack on titan x reader#shingeki no kyojin x reader#request!
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The Naruto/Frozen Crossover
So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.
Also I added some bits at the end.
Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.
I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.
Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.
Suggestion from Birdie:
Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?
Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.
Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe
Or at least alive
(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)
...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.
I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first
And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.
She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.
Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.
Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?"
Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.
I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat
The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.
Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.
However, Haku is Baby.
Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”
Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:
Zabuza - 23
Elsa - 18
Anna - 15
Haku - 12
Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever
Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:
Winter Witch
Winter Queen
Ice Queen
Snow Queen
Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe
She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch
I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.
She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction.
Generally speaking she wouldn’t.
But she could.
Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra?
Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining.
Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.
Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.
Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work.
Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.
Elsa is a siege weapon.
Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.
She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!
Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.
Anna: Let's make flower crowns!
Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not-
Anna: FLOWER CROWNS
Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.
Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”
Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.
If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.
At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?"
"...that's an OPTION?"
Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.
I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.
SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.
It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!
Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza?
Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.
Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife.
S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun.
Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher.
Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.
Long distance AoE
Like you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?
Elsa is the same Vibe.
It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.
She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.
She WOULDN'T, but she could.
I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.
People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."
"I'm eighteen."
"Five."
BUT
Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!
I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.
Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.
So mlm/wlw solidarity?
And Haku is probs genderqueer.
So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.
Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.
You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?
Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.
But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.
Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy.
Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???
Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa
OH.
Elsa makes... snow bunnies..
For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.
Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.
When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.
And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.
And then things just keep getting colder.
Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."
She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.
Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."
He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.
Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.
A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.
Identical weird accent that nobody can place.
FOOD
The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.
But they also want food from HOME.
It's a lot of trial and error.
More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."
When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.
Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.
Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.
Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.
Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.
(Haku is just happy to be here.)
Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.
"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."
So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.
HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”
It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.
Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.
He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.
Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato
Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.
This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.
Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.
Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....
ICE COFFERDAM
Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.
Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.
LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.
Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.
Which, you know, fun!
Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.
It’s also not Kisame BUT
Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]
Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...
Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]
Anyway
Gato: I'm hiring an army.
Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound]
Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls!
Elsa: [adds snowman guards]
Elsa: ...
Elsa: [adds a ceiling]
Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.
Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like
"Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."
Anna would... LOVE Naruto
ENERGETIC
FRIENDLY
GOOFBALL
"I found us a baby brother!"
"No, we already have Haku."
"BUT LOOK AT HIM."
Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.
OH RIGHT
I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.
Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.
Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."
Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR
Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY
Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.
Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.
Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.
Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.
Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.
If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...
So yeah, gut wound.
Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.
That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.
Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”
Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.
Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.
So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”
Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.
Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”
She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.
Horrified reactions
Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.
Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”
“What.”
“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”
And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.
YEP we absolutely have that plot point.
Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.
They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.
He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.
There’s lots of shouting.
Just like. A lot.
And then part of the mountain explodes!
AS ONE DOES
Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.
Girl is swaying like MAD.
There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.
At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.
Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.
Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.
Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.
Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.
This is not a good look.
Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).
(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)
Danzo shows up.
There’s a bunch of arguing.
All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.
It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.
Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.
Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?
Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.
IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.
I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.
Also
IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.
Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.
IDK that’s it for now.
#Frozen#Naruto#Momochi Zabuza#Yuki Haku#Zabuza#Haku#mini fic#Phoenix Babbles#Crossovers#Phoenix Posts
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Wonder Woman WLW prompts
Alright, so you know how the DCEU incarnation Diana is popularly shipped with a multitude of female characters in both DC and Marvel media ?
Considering she has been walking the Earth for literal decades, I’m wondering where is that one fic of her many WLW romances over the decades are ?
Or possible poly groups she’d be involved in.
Just think of the potential (I say in my mad scientist voice).
Note: The following combines the DCEU, Arrowverse, and MCU into the same world. I don’t now how this would work, so let’s suspend our disbelief a bit. Originally this was just going to be a Superwondercorp post, but my ideas got the better of me.
MCU: 40′s era: Peggy (and Angie) are introduced to Diana temp housemate who would be staying with at Howard Stark’s estates as a guest. Heck, you want to go all the way with the Aunt Peggy headcanons for Kid!Tony, just imagine Aunt Diana!
DCEU: 80′s: You’ve got Diana pairing up with Barbara. I’ve seen plenty of those prompts already, although I am yet to see WW1984.
MCU: 90′s era: Carol Danvers, during one of her on and off stays on Earth happens across Diana while the two happened to be looking into rumor's of alien activity on Earth. Unlike what you’d expect they don’t come to blows, but have more of a rivals to lovers thing. Depending on Carol and Maria’s relationship at this point, we’d get more Aunt Diana.
Although given WandaVison, I’d figure at most Carol would be on and off with Maria, but her heart always leads her back to Maria.
Present Day: Okay this might be a little difficult, because I don’t know which one to settle on.
I’d like to humor the idea of a Diana x Harley enemies to lovers thing, but taking their DCEU characters into account. I just find them too different and problematic to make it work; I would think that at the very least Diana’s friendship with Bruce, and Harley’s involvement with Jason Todd’s murder would be a point of contention between them, but that’s just me.
Then you got other MCU girls, and to be honest I’m kind of leaning to Natasha Romanov for this one, I just don’t know what version to go with so the following is something I did off the top of my head.
Warning, it’s gonna be bittersweet because Endgame is a thing. I advise you to skip down to the Superwondercorp bit.
After the events of the Thanos snap, and during the five year time skip, Diana is among those unaffected by the snap. However the Justice League is fractured, brought about by their failure to aid in the fight with Thanos along with the Avengers. When Carol returns to Earth, Diana reunites with her, and with Tony whom she hasn’t seen since her days with Peggy.
Initially, Diana would serve as another aunt figure to Morgan Stark, and over time however, she ends up bonding with Natasha with the latter holding down the fort with S.H.I.E.LD, with the weight of the world on each others shoulders, with the two working together in that department. The end result is Natasha becoming a “primary” girlfriend to Diana, while the two try to hold eachother together.
Diana doesn’t join in on the time travel heist, but she, and the Justice League, join in on the final battle with Thanos’ army. And when she learns of Natasha’s sacrifice...we see Diana in such a stage of superpowered rage we haven’t seen since her battle with Ares.
When the dust finally settles, and after Tony’s funeral service (which may include DC allies for this AU), Diana takes to mourning in private. She sets up a shrine to the lost loved ones she had over the decades, both lovers and those she considers family. We see Steve (Trevor), Peggy, Tony, Natasha among those she pays tribute too, and those she will always keep in her heart. She is approached by Clint who tells her that Tony isn’t the only one they are mourning that day; during Tony’s hologram speech to his family, we also get a montage of Nathasa’s friend and family (pretty much everyone who wasn’t in the Stark’s living room during the “I Love you 3000″ scene) passing Diana’s shrine to her, each leaving a rose under a picture of Natasha.....
Superwondercorp: Set also corresponding with an alternate version of Supergirl, season five. Set several months after this verse’s version of Endgame.
With the Justice League and Avengers readjusted into the world, Diana decides to take a small break after carrying the world for so long. She is slowly going back into her civilian life, and attending art galleries'. At one such gallary, she meets Lena Luthor, whom she is initially cautious with, but quickly the two grow on each other.
For the sake of transparency, Diana reveals herself as Wonder Woman, figuring that Lena - as a Luthor - would already know considering this world Lex would already know their identities. As one gag, while Diana and Lena are drinking at Lena’s place, Diana reveals that Bruce Wayne is Batman, to which Lena is genuinely at a loss for words when she finds out.
Anyways, Diana notices and hears about Lena and Kara falling out, and takes it upon herself to fix their relationship. While she’s a freelance superhero, Diana still works with Kara and the two bond over that. We get no more William Dey in this AU; Diana shoots that down before it even starts and is the one who calls out his Nice Guy attitude.
Diana herself isn’t looking for a relationship, as she’s still raw over Natasha’s passing, and it usually takes her years, even decades to get into a new relationship. Despite this, the romantic tensions she feels for Lena and Kara is so thick, that Excalibur itself would break trying to cut it. In addition to the struggles Kara and Lena canonically go through, Diana’s struggle is trying not to fall in love so soon after Natasha. Not that it stops Diana from accidentally sleeping with both of them on two respective occasions.
Since season five technically didn’t get a proper ending, things would still be up in the air for now, but I figure that when Kara and Lena reconcile in the seasons “finale”, they both kiss a surprised Diana on the mouth. They then agree to talk things over after Lex is dealt with...
#diana prince#peggy carter#angie martinelli#Carol Danvers#natasha romanoff#barbara minerva#lena luthor#kara danvers#harley quinn#Maria Rambeau#Diana x Peggy#wondercarter#cartinelli#wondermarvel#carolmaria#wonderquinn#diana x harley#wonderwidow#supercorp#superwondercorp#wondercheetah#dceu#arrowverse#mcu#Crossover Pairings#wlw concepts#rarepair
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Ranking MCU Captain America figures
Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.
6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame
I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.
Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.
However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.
I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.
He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?
I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.
5. Captain America: John Walker
Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.
His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.
I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.
I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.
I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.
With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.
4. Red Guardian
I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it
He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.
But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.
I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.
3. Agent Carter
As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.
There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.
2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers
This man is a joy.
He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.
His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.
I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)
Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.
1. Captain America: Sam Wilson
He's so good, guys
I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.
Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.
Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.
Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.
Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?
#mcu#captain america the first avenger#the avengers#captain america the winter soldier#tfa#tws#avengers age of ultron#aou#captain america civil war#cw#avengers infinity war#iw#avengers endgame#the falcon and the winter soldier#captain america and the winter soldier#tfatws#caatws#what if...?#captain america#red guardian#falcon#captain carter#steve rogers#alexei shostakov#john walker#us agent#sam wilson#peggy carter
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hi why do you say that young royals is a bad show? im just generally asking, not trying to cause drama! :) because i (also an ex skammie gotta admit) really liked it! mostly because there was no nonsense drama between the main couple like there often was in skams 😭 and the characters just felt very real. and the girl friendship was just lovely in there. i know people bring up the whole 'its not relatable they r royals pf' but for me it was fun to watch while keeping in mind to not take it so seriously. and i also loved how it showed how "accepting" the monarchy wants to look but they are quick to push out their own people for being different. waiting for your answer! have a good day!!! 😁❤
hey anon, i don't hate young royals at all!! i have no idea what post/tags made you think that i do but it must be some kind of misunderstanding- i absolutely cannot stand the fandom (at least the tiktok fandom i haven't really checked the tag on tumblr but from what i've heard it's not much better on here). there are so many people who consume mlm media in such weird ways and im really just tired of hearing people go "this is the show we've all been waiting for!! BEST queer rep since skam!!! i will literally die if they don't renew this show i need it like i need air to breathe!" and then those very same people probably don't even remember the names of any characters besides wilhelm and simon. like. write an essay about felice' character development and her friendship with sara. and while we're on it spare some thoughts about how the writing could be improved in s2. be quick. im not sure if most people could answer this.
and then again.. people obviously have double standards when it comes to cis mlm media compared to any other queer media.. you can bet that people would have been critical of the outing scene or the writing in general if this was a wlw show but since it's about two dudes people aren't even trying to have a few thoughts about it apart from.. OMG IT'S SO CUTE!! obviously not everyone is like this but most of the reactions i see are and it's SO annoying. wtf*ck fandom 2.0 truly.
but apart from that i absolutely agree with your ask.. i think that the character were all really real and actually felt like teenagers (i know that the actors are young which already helps but the writing also made them feel like teenagers as well which is good). the show was barely four hours long but i really liked the complexity in simon's family and their dynamic.. his relationship with his mum and sara.. the diffrent ways they feel about their father (honestly i would have loved for them to dive a bit more into simon's feelings about having to buy alcohol for the party to get in, wilhelm calling him drunk and simon picking him up.. like if you asked me basing their conflict on the problems that had to do with alcohol combined with simon wanting to be out n wilhelm still being in the closet would have been a FAR better cause of relationship problems then yet another outing storyline). loved felice's and sara's enemies to friends development and how supportive the girls were of each other instead of pulling some misogynistic rivalry plot between them. also don't get me wrong, i definitely think that wilhelm and simon's relationship was very well written and a good example of healthy teenage relationships, that underlines the importance of good communication. i think that wilhelm could have been a bit more developed as a character on his own because i found myself being way more interested in simon and his family life at times soo.. i would love to see a second season but if they do cancel it i would mostly mourn the loss of never seeing simon, sara and their mum again
#when simon was outed and his mum hugged him.. i cried a lil you love to see wonderful parent rep#young royals#ask#wishing you a good day as well anon!!💕
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Rating the Golden Deer...
Claude: 9.5/10
I will always be weak for the lovable trickster archetype. He also has a fleshed out backstory that helps make sense of his personality, and a goal that’s truly noble. His only flaw is that he is not canonically bisexual. Excuse you, game. All tricksters are bisexual. There are no exceptions.
Hilda: 10/10
Absolute perfection. The only thing I love as much as a lovable trickster is a prissy princess type character with a deeply hidden heart of gold. Plus her friendship with Claude? That shit is S tier. You cannot convince me that they aren’t a wlw/mlm bi power couple.
Lorenz: 9/10
*John Mulaney voice* He’s a bitch and I like him So Much. I took off a point for his tragic haircut, but honestly, I really like Lorenz. He’s just... so interesting to me. Yes, he is a pompous asshat. But he’s also so sincere and his intentions are pure. I mean, yes, there are def times when I want to slap him, but if I were him, and some unknown clownish man showed up and claimed to be the heir to the place I called home, despite not having even grown up there, I might be a tad suspicious about his intentions, too.
Ignatz: 9.5/10
My son!! What a pure and perfect boy. His only flaw is that he doesn’t seem to have any flaws? Like he’s maybe a tad awkward at times but that only adds to his adorableness. So he’s unrealistic, but man I love him too much to care all that much.
Raphael: 7/10
He’s almost a himbo, except for the fact that he’s not particularly handsome nor charming, a fact which kind of pisses me off, not gonna lie. Like, he could have been a himbo. I mourn what could have been. I also wish he was less of a joke character. Otherwise, his heart is in the right place, and he’s a good friend to Iggy.
Leonie: 6/10
I would really, really like this character if she wasn’t so fricking Weird about Jeralt. Seriously, Leonie, you knew the guy for like maybe two or three months when you were a kid. Byleth is his goddamn son. Who are you to criticize Byleth’s relationship with his own damn father? What are your feelings for Jeralt, anyway? Leonie, I love you, but plz stop creeping on my dad.
Lysithea: 7.5/10
I understand your past is super traumatic, Lysithea, but would it kill you to be a little kinder to the people who only want to be your friend? Especially when it comes to Ignatz. You could be a brat to anyone else, but why him? Ignatz has done nothing wrong in his life, ever. Also, I just hate the whole Fire Emblem trope of having a character who is essentially a child but “mature for their age” or “actually 1,000 years old” so it’s ok to date them. Get out of here with that bullshit. The incest is one thing, but giving men free reign to creep on teen girls is not something I will ever be comfortable with.
Marianne: 8/10
I couldn’t find a gif for her, which is honestly such bull. She’s a sweet girl, and she deserves more recognition. She does give me some bad second-hand embarrassment at times, since I basically used to be Marianne when I was a teenager, but that’s not her fault. It’s hard to hate yourself, because you can never escape yourself, and that makes life goddamn miserable. Her character development is subtle but honestly it’s more realistic that way. I 100% ship her with Lorenz. There’s something about the whole dark knight/holy knight combo that satisfies me on a deeply emotional level. Plus Marianne deserves a man who will put her on a pedestal.
Aaaaand, that’s it! I may make another post in the future on some other characters (Blue Lions, Seteth, Flayn, etc.) But here are my thoughts
What do you think? Which Golden Deer do you love and why?
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if you're doing those characters then please give me more amazing takes on princess mute 🥺💕
OMG IM SO LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT HERE I FINALLY AM
Also omgg thank you SOSOSO much for asking me about Princess Mute?? THE LOVE OF MY LIFE??? You know me so well, vish!! I love and adore you so much!! Thank you for giving me the chance to blabber on about the woman I love!! ⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ ᗨ ˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾
ALSO! I’m gonna do my best to like- not spoil all my plans for whispers, haha
The rest is under the cut bc I just have a lot of FEELINGS~ about our resident zombie girl
❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )
How I feel about this character
OH BOY OK I JUST??? LOVE HER??? A LOT???? I wasn’t expecting to get quite so immediately and intensely attached to her?? But from the second I heard about her in the legend I was just gone. Completely done for. I’m generally a sucker for mythology, and there’s just SO MUCH that’s fascinating about the tale behind the Princess Mute and the South Sea King?
Even though Princess Mute is so central to the myth, the South Sea King is deemed as the most important? I mean- duh it is his tomb, but Princess Mute is the catalyst? None of this would have happened without her? She’s main character material and yet she isn’t the main character of her own story?? She has practically no agency? It’s so? Fucking? Fascinating?? And there is so fucking much left unanswered? The myth says she turns into a goddamn monster?? Is this- figuratively? Or literally? Is she a monster for breaking gender norms and committing the ultimate taboo by killing the Emperor??? Like- holy FUCK? Like- LOOK at this pic from Ershu’s Expensive Powerpoint:
and a close-up for good measure:
(note the HORNS/HELMET?? the LIGHTNING STRIKE!!! 👀👀👀 how she’s dressed as a SOLDIER?? that SPEAR??? also she’s depicted as much bigger than the emperor!! which, of course, means she’s more important!!!!)
and, HELLO!! She’s called the PRINCESS MUTE. She is only known/named in association to someone else. Her name has been erased from history. It isn’t important to anyone. Which is so fucking ironic. She’s Princess Mute. Her voice has been stripped from her, just like her agency. This tale is the Mute Emperor’s and not her own. Her suffering means nothing to anyone. Her life means nothing other than for the Emperor to desire and the South Sea King to mourn over (and WOW!! ISN’T THIS JUST!! SO perfectly encapsulating Nanpai Sanshu’s female characters and their relevance to the story/male characters)
(so what is her goddamn name???? I mean, I know what I’ve named her, but sorry dudes. Again. I don’t wanna spoil too much :) )
also, WHY is the South Sea King covering her eyes when she’s sent off to sea in the origami boat?
What actually happens to her after this? The body we see of the South Sea King has long white hair so I assume he died pretty old? So why does she look so goddamn young?
And- the million dollar question here (WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF HEADCANONS FOR BUT I DON’T WANNA SPOIL WHISPERS): What happened to her after she killed the Emperor????
ALSO!! WHY IS SHE HOLDING A DINGLAN RULER WHEN SANSHU FINDS HER IN THAT FIRST EXPEDITION?? (internet says it’s a “special ruler used for making shrines, carving wood statues and making tablets of gods. Later used in measurement of architectural scale; measuring instrument for the netherworld, wishes best for tomb owner) did she design her own father’s tomb?? is there more to her becoming a leather figurine than filial loyalty/sacrifice??
Why does she have a tattoo?? I go a bit into this in my fic, but from my understanding it was unusual for people (women especially!) to have tattoos during this time! (this is just from my research! if I am wrong please correct me!)
For anyone who hasn’t read whispers, there were a a few tribes (minorities!) during this time who tattooed themselves (and to this day, they continue this tradition :) ). The Li were often attacked by invaders who assaulted the women and sold them as slaves. The women ended up tattooing their faces and bodies to make them less appealing, and it ended up becoming a tradition. When a girl came of age she’d get tattooed. Then we’ve got the Dai, who (from what I understand!) got tattoos of animals with characteristics they wished to embody, such as to show their virility and strength! So they’d tattoo tigers and dragons, etc.
So why does Princess Mute have one? Who gave it to her? WHAT ACTUALLY IS IT!!!!!! (eternal frustration that we never see a clear shot of the whole thing!!) It kinda looks like a heavily stylized fish? With some waves. But I am unsure! But it would make sense, considering the ongoing theme of snakes and fish throughout dmbj.
Also, her scars seem very strange. Like- if someone skinned her (YIKES!) then- her scars don’t really seem like they’re a result of skinning (double yikes!!). You’d think that for a woman who was the daughter of the King, they’d take more care to preserve her face?? So why does it seem like someone has done their utter best to ruin it? Did the Emperor do it himself? Did her father? Or did someone else do it?? Did she do it herself????
Also, I just wanna cut the bullshit with the creepy hand clam thing. A hand clam isn’t gonna wrap their fingers around Wu Xie’s hand to stop him from blowing himself up. Like. I get that it’s the censorship. I get it. But- you can’t tell me it wasn’t actually the Princess Mute who saved him. I just?? This moment is so powerful? It literally knocked the breath from my chest.
Princess Mute’s story is just so fascinating and tragic and I am just a mess over how she isn’t in control of her own story? She never is. Except for when she kills the Emperor. (AND when she saves Wu Xie) And I think that’s fucking telling.
Of course, it felt like they had more of a storyline planned for her which never happened, but I’ll get more into that later.
Basically, I just have SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
It’s like- I dunno. Seeing a gorgeous woman flip an obnoxious man over her shoulder and slam him to the ground without breaking a sweat and watching her walk away with stars in your eyes. You barely know anything about her but you’re already half in love and you just want to know more.
I’m super Gay for her, if you couldn’t already tell.
Honestly, she just perfectly represents all the female characters and their treatment in dmbj with all the extra PIZAZZ of the mysterious supernatural/mythological elements. She just makes me go feral and I adore her with my entire heart.
All the people I ship romantically with this character
NUMBER ONE I SHIP HER WITH MY CUTE AND PERFECT GF XIAO BAI!!!!!!!!
They are my two favourite (okay and my wife Su Nan!) female characters in dmbj. I think their stories parallel each other pretty beautifully? They’re both women in a powerful position, though with limited agency. They both defy gender norms and accomplish things (I’m counting killing the Emperor as Accomplishing Something) in a very male-dominated world. And- okay. I know the Princess Mute is technically dead. But she also?? is someone still doing stuff?? and pushing along the storyline?? as a zombie?? So I’m just gonna say that both of them aren’t truly killed off for the Man Pain like all the other female dmbj characters (except for Xiu Xiu, and I guess Chuchu but ChuChu’s situation is kinda....Iffy. At best.)
Also both of them are linked pretty heavily with Wu Xie? They both have an interesting relationship with him. And Princess Mute leads Wu Xie to Xiao Bai!!!
And okay this is spoiling a bit of whispers, BUT!!! Warehouse 11 was built atop the South Sea King’s temple. Isn’t that fucking important??? I stand by my headcanon that Xiao Bai is a Warehouse kid (descended from the Founders) and so she grew up there. And like- ignoring censorship bc I can AND because Reboot leaves a lot of supernatural stuff up in the air anyway- wouldn’t growing up atop an insanely powerful temple do something to you? Wouldn’t it affect you in some way?? There’s just!!! SO much potential between Princess Mute and Xiao Bai!! Plus!! I think it’d be great for Xiao Bai to form a relationship with another woman. She needs some female solidarity in her life.
And- well. I just ship Princess Mute with all the dmbj women, really. Princess Mute has two hands, why can she use them both?? I’ve got a couple Princess Mute modern au’s going and in one of them she just- sweeps A’Ning and Su Nan off their feet :)
I really can’t ship Princess Mute with any male characters, I think. There’s just- so much underlying trauma surrounding her agency and how she’s been used by the men in her life. Also, I like wlw & mlm solidarity. Let Princess Mute and Wu Xie wallow over their Stupid Crushes. Or Princess Mute & Xiao Ge. I’m not picky.
My non-romantic OTP for this character
Purely bc of my own au, I am very much invested in Princess Mute & Li Cu (& spirit snake). As I mentioned before, there’s a running theme of loss of agency in their own lives and suffering the consequences of others’ actions. Plus, there’s a lot of supernatural happenings surrounding the both of them. Why wouldn’t they find a connection?
And, obviously, I adore Princess Mute & Wu Xie. Princess Mute saved Wu Xie and then Wu Xie was promptly obsessed (can’t say I blame him). They had such an interesting relationship in Reboot that was just- so fucking tragically dropped.
My unpopular opinion about this character
SHE SHOULD BE MORE POPULAR!!!!!!!!!! She is so goddamn fascinating and gorgeous and I just!! Want!! Everyone to adore her as much as I do!!!!!!!! At least I feel a bit accomplished for swinging some readers over to her side in whispers!! That’s something!!!
I’ve got like- a million au ideas with her. I’m going to be the creator of the content I wish to read!!!!!
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.
I WISH SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN A SATISFACTORILY COMPLETED STORYLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just gets completely dropped after she leads Wu Xie to Warehouse 11. So once more, she is a plot device and not. And actual. Person. Her importance is tied irrevocably to the male leads. Her agency is not her own. Wu Xie cares so much about her, and okay, he’s trying to figure out a mystery and we all know how he gets when he’s trying to puzzle out a mystery-- but you can’t tell me he just- stops caring after he encounters Warehouse 11??? What happens to her after that?? Does she rot away in a box in Wushanju?? Does Ershu take her back?? I’m just?? WHAT????
I want to know her side of the story and not what everyone else has said. I want her to actually properly communicate with Wu Xie. I want her saving the day again and I want her being fucking badass and I want her and Xiao Ge being soft together and I want her and Xiao Bai to bond fall in love and I want everyone to just- fall in love with her? And care about her? And I want to to find herself caring about these fucking idiots too???? Can you imagine her and Liu Sang bonding over shitty fathers and lack of agency and Trauma?? Can you imagine Princess Mute getting her life back and the freckles returning to her slowly darkening skin and her being silly with Hei-ye bc he keeps shoving increasingly ridiculous sunglasses at her. And can you imagine her trying on jeans for the first time and picking out a cute bomber jacket and shoving a baseball cap on her head and dipping her feet back in the sea and befriending shibie bc she’s just?? that?? cool?? while Iron Triangle is off on the side fretting like she isn’t befriending some very dangerous creatures but it’s okay bc she’s a dangerous creature too and she understands fear and desire and hunger.
I want her returning to Thunder City. I want her getting closure. I want her story to get closure. Period.
And I know it didn’t happen bc censorship and Nanpai Sanshu and just- a host of Other Things. But I want it, and she deserves it.
--
AAAHH VISH!!!! Thank you so much for letting me yell about Princess Mute!! Sorry I couldn’t go more in depth with headcanons but!! Like I said, I don’t want to completely spoil you for whispers, so I’ll keep those close to my chest for now
٩(*ゝڡゝ๑)۶♥
#dmbj#the lost tomb reboot#princess mute#dmbj meta#sorta??#tltr#Wu xie#Xiao bai#cross talks#reunion: the sound of the providence#bai haotian#ask game
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To Lady Paige, With Love [Part 2]
Main Pairing: Eloise Bridgerton x FemOC! Paige Crane
[Reference to Past! Marina Thompson x Paige Crane]
Series Summary: A WLW Rewrite of To Sir Phillip, With Love - featuring my OC Paige Crane, Phillip's twin sister. What happens when Eloise Bridgerton writes to Phillip after the death of his wife but her letter gets intercepted by his twin sister who loved more Marina than he ever did?
Chapter Summary: After corresponding with Eloise for over a year using her brother's name, Paige is mourning Marina's first death anniversary. All Paige wanted was some peace and quiet but little does she know, she's in for a rude awakening
Trigger Warnings: Grief, Brief Mentions of Previous Death/Suicide Attempt, Depression & Anxiety
Part 1 - Prologue: Take Me To The Lakes
Chapter 1: Right Where You Left Me
[February 1823]
5:48pm. That time would haunt Paige for the rest of her life.
'Time of death: 5:48pm.' the doctor had said. The moment Marina was officially pronounced dead, Paige screamed. She could still hear the echoes of her own scream every night she spent in Marina's room, sobbing herself to sleep. It had been a month since she died. Paige truly understood what Marina felt and went through.
The grief, pain and sadness was all consuming. She was drowning in her own emotions. It made her want to throw herself into the lake and join Marina. At least drowning in the lake was tangible. It was a tangible way to match the melancholy she was feeling. Through the pain, Paige had learnt that when people take their lives, they don't get rid of the melancholy, they simply pass it on. Paige had become a victim of Marina's pain being passed onto her.
She knew that everyone was dealing with the loss on their own but she was just so angry with Phillip and the children and even the staff. Pretending like Marina was never there. The worst part is, she couldn't fault them for it. Marina wasn't there, at least not mentally present. The last month has eased off her anger. She nearly bit Phillip's head off when he came back from his business trip the day before she passed.
"You should have been here! I may love her but she's still your wife!"
"I had a very important specimen to pick up, you know that, Paige." He said gruffly. She was so sick and tired of him using his experiments as an excuse to neglect his family.
"I know that!" She snapped at him, "These trips are getting ridiculous. You can't keep using them to run away from your responsibilities. You made a commitment to her and your children. You completely abandoned them!" Her voice cracked with anger. Now Phillip was getting frustrated with her and snapped back at his twin.
"Do you think I wanted to carry those burdens? I had no choice in the matter! I had to be the one to clean up the mess George left behind!"
She stepped back at her brother's outburst. He never yelled. He refused to be their father. She knew she had crossed the line. She softened her expression.
"I shouldn't have yelled, I apologise. But so help me God, you will not repeat that to her or the children. They are our family, Phillip, 'not a mess George left behind." Her voice was low, laced with a cold fury.
"She's resting now but you should go see her. I'll give you two some privacy." Paige made her suggestion sound like a demand. There was absolutely no reason why he should neglect his duties as a husband now. She wasn't going to let him off the hook for it. She quickly slipped into the room to kiss Marina's forehead. She allowed Philip in and headed off to tend to the children.
Then there was that dreadful conversation where Amanda openly admitted that she was glad her mother was gone. Paige knew on an intellectual level that's not what Amanda had meant. She meant she was happy her mother was happy even if it meant she was gone. But emotionally, it destroyed Paige to hear that.
It was exhausting to feel like the only one who truly cared for Marina. She had all these emotions welled up inside her, screaming to be let out. Yet she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone. The children played and carried on as per normal. While Phillip had stopped taking his trips to avoid the children, he has hidden away in the Greenhouse more often. He refuses to talk about her. What else could she expect from her twin who represses the slightest hint of human emotion. God forbid he let himself feel sad.
She took a deep breath and reminded herself that everyone processed grief in different ways. She needed something to get her mind off things. On cue, Miles came in to deliver the mail. She gestured for him to hand them over and he took his leave.
She flipped through the envelopes, none addressed to her. Of course no one would write to her and the only person who would, died. She was about to put down the pile when a name jumped out at her.
From: Eloise Bridgerton
No. 5, Bruton Street
London
She remembered Eloise like it was yesterday. They spent some time together during their first season. She came as a package deal with Penelope Featherington. So when Marina had struck up a friendship with Penelope, Paige found herself spending a lot of time with the two of them. The four of them were quite the formidable group during that first season. Paige remembered how many suitors Marina had received. Unable to deal with her jealousy in a healthy manner, she did what she did best, ran away from her emotions. She poured herself into a friendship with Eloise. Somewhere along the way, she had developed feelings for the clever Bridgerton. She recalled how she did her best to repress those feelings. Even though at the time, Marina and her were nowhere close to courtship, Paige still felt like she was being unfaithful to her.
There was just something about Eloise that had drawn Paige to her.
She shook her head rather violently, as if trying to shake those memories away. How could she be thinking of that when she's supposed to be grieving Marina? She set down the letter, leaving it for Phillip to read it later when he finally comes out of hiding.
She stood up to head to Marina's room to mope. It almost seemed like she had taken Marina's place as the Romney Hall's living ghost. What was the point in living your life when the person you wanted to spend it with was gone?
But rising questions about Eloise's letter stopped her. For one, why was it addressed to Phillip rather than her? She knew it had been well over a decade, but had Eloise forgotten her already?
Her plan to mope for the day had been abandoned and she picked up Eloise's letter once again. She picked up the letter opener and impulsively ripped it open.
Sir Phillip Crane —
I am writing to express my condolences on the loss of your wife, my dear friend Marina, I remember her fondly and was deeply saddened to hear of her passing .
Please do not hesitate to write if there is anything I can do to ease your pain at this difficult time .
Yrs,
Miss Eloise Bridgerton
***
Oh. She was just as lovely as Paige remembered her. This was too kind of a letter to delay it's response. Paige went to her room and sat at her desk. She pulled out her stationary kit and fetched herself some parchment and a quill. She quickly penned down a response.
Dear Eloise —
I hope you remember me from your first season. Marina was a dear friend to me as well and I thank you for your kind note on behalf of Marina. It was thoughtful of you to write asking after us.
I offer you this flower attached as thanks. It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet.
Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.
It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.
Sincerely -
*
She stopped short before she signed it off with her name. She had finally stepped out of her moment of impulsivity. Insanity more like, she thought to herself. She felt awful for invading Eloise and - by extension - Phillip's privacy.
She couldn't send this! How was she going to explain it?
*
Dear Miss Bridgerton —
I am absolutely mad and stole my brother's mail because I used to fancy you when we first debuted together in our first season.
Yours Sincerely,
Paige Crane
That would certainly go over well. She would be lucky not to be locked up. She stared at her original letter and ripped it up. She detested the thought of Phillip striking up a friendship with Eloise. Deep down she knew if he became as enamoured with her as she once was, he'd make her his wife. It might have only been a month but she knew her brother. He needed a mother and wife for the children. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was already planning to look for one.
He had already taken Marina from her. As twins, they grew up sharing everything, starting from the womb. Everywhere Paige went, Phillip was there. They even had parallel careers. She just wanted this one person to herself. It was selfish she knew but she wanted to keep her London past for herself. Even if it meant never letting Phillip see the letter and responding on her own.
She rewrote another note without a second thought:
Dear Miss Bridgerton,
Thank you for your kind note on behalf of my wife. It was thoughtful of you to take the time to write to a gentleman you have never met. I offer you this full bloom flower as thanks.
It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet. Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.
It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.
When it came to signing off, she hesitated for a moment at her dishonesty. Then the anger of having lost most of her life and identity to Phillip came up. That was motivation enough for her to scribble the last line of the letter:
Sincerely,
Sir Phillip Crane.
***
Letter Correspondence From March 1823 to March 1824
Between Paige Crane & Eloise Bridgerton
Dear Sir Phillip -
Thank you so very much for the charming flower. It was such a lovely surprise when it came attached to the envelope. And such a precious memento of dear Marina, as well .
I could not help but notice your facility with the flower's scientific name and seemed to be knowledgeable about its properties. Are you a botanist?
Yours,
Miss Eloise Bridgerton
*
Eloise’s response had come quite quickly in a week. It was no easy feat hiding the letters from Phillip. He was the Lord of the house after all. Paige was lucky enough to have a friend in Miles. She had been the one to stop Phillip from being let go. She had named him her personal assistant instead. She coyly asked Miles for a favour and requested that all of Eloise’s letters be directed to her. He looked at her with utter confusion when she asked.
“Whatever are you up to, Miss Crane?”
“Miles, you know you can call me Paige. We are friends, aren’t we?” She had a mischievous shine in her eye that told him she was up to something.
“I suppose… that doesn’t answer my question, Paige.” He said her name pointedly. She chuckled at him, he was hilarious. She knew she made the right choice keeping him employed.
“Friends trust each other. I promise I will tell you everything down the line.” She shot him a look of promise. That fixed the issue of being found out was solved easily. All she had to do now was enjoy the correspondence.
She still had not been able to break her habit of crying herself to sleep in Marina’s room every night, but these letters took her mind off the grief momentarily. She couldn’t thank Eloise Bridgerton enough for that. She read back Eloise’s response and grinned. Eloise was as charming and eloquent as always. She was clever enough to pick out Paige's interest in plants just by her rambles. Paige also noticed how Eloise was clever enough to end her letter with a question. What a sneaky lady, now Paige had to reply. Not that she was complaining. She was rather happy to have revived this old connection.
She pulled out her stationary and penned her reply. She stuck close to the truth while using Phillip's qualifications. Just because she wasn't allowed a formal education at Cambridge didn't make her any less knowledgeable than her twin. She devoured his textbooks during his University days. She most likely would have beat him to an honours degree in Botany had the fairer sex been allowed to study in Universities.
She followed Eloise's lead and ended her letter with a question as well. She vaguely remembered Eloise’s interest in humanities but she wanted it confirmed from the lady herself.
*
Dear Miss Bridgerton —
Indeed I am a botanist, trained at Cambridge, although I am not currently connected with any university or scientific board. I maintain my own garden at Romney Hall, in my greenhouse. Are you of a scientific bent as well?
Yours ,
Sir Phillip Crane
The reply came another week later. She smiled at being correct in her assumption. They started going back and forth every week, until a year had passed.
*
Dear Sir Phillip —
Heavens, no, I have not the scientific mind, I'm afraid, although I do have a fair head for sums. My interests lie more in the humanities; you may have noticed that I enjoy penning letters .
Yours in friendship,
Eloise Bridgerton
*
My dear Miss Bridgerton —
Ah, but it is a sort of friendship, isn't it? I confess to a certain measure of isolation here in the country, and if one cannot have a smiling face across one's breakfast table, then one might at least have an amiable letter, don't you agree?
I have enclosed another flower and a book for you. This flower is Centaurea cyanus, more commonly known as the cornflower. They are a personal favourite of mine, especially for its vibrance in colour. They are actually grown as a weed in cornfields, hence where it derives its common name from. Quite beautiful for a weed, wouldn’t you agree?
As for the book, I would like to share a piece of my literary heart with you. You will find a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in the package. I regard it as a brilliantly complex novel that tackles the existential questions of creating life in such an nuanced manner. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
With great regard,
Phillip Crane
*
Even though it was a friendly exchange of letters, Paige considered sharing her favourite flower and novel a way of elevating the friendship. They were a part of her identity. A part that she was willingly giving away to another to cherish and hold. It was a big step for her and that terrified her. She was scared of developing feelings for someone else. She could not bear to go through it again.
She knew no sane woman - despite being a child of Sappho - would give up the security of a husband and run off with another woman. Most of the sapphic women Paige knew were far too caught up in the social norms to ever step out of their comfort zone into a realm of possibilities of a free life with her. She knew she got lucky with Marina and that Phillip didn’t care enough for Marina to be bothered with their love affair. He also loved his sister enough to be happy with his wife, even if he didn’t understand how she could love a person who seemed to be made of sadness. Paige knew he never understood, but he didn’t have to. Marina and her understood each other and that’s all that truly mattered until the end.
While Eloise has never stated whether she felt that way about women, she did seem like a child of Sappho. The way she had interacted with potential suitors during that first season, or rather the way she didn’t. She hid away from every suitor that came her way. At times, she would pull Paige away to the lemonade table to avoid them, whenever Penelope was too busy dancing with Colin. The way she scoffed at marriage. She just seemed content in her independence. Paige had admired that about her.
*
As always her next letter did not disappoint:
Dear Sir Phillip —
Thank you for the book and flower, I truly appreciated them. I have always found sharing books recommendations with companions is like giving them a piece of yourself. So I thank you again, for gifting me a piece of yourself. I promise to cherish it.
And I have read Frankenstein before! It truly is one of its kind. I could go on for hours on end about how much I love this book and how brilliantly crafted it is. Perhaps, should we ever meet, we could discuss it over tea one day.
The cornflower was wonderful, thank you. I do love how it seems to shine a brighter blue in the sunlight. I think it might be my favourite flower as well.
Yours,
Eloise Bridgerton.
A dreamy sigh escaped Paige’s lips as she drank in Eloise’s latest words. Paige had never felt more seen and understood. Eloise expressed the sentiment of Paige’s intent with the book and flower exactly. Paige might have used her brother’s name, but she knew in her heart Eloise knew her - even if it was not by her given name. She found the line about meeting and discussing the novel over tea, a rather bold choice. Was Eloise inviting her to tea?
She sighed when the sobering truth hit her. Eloise wasn’t inviting her. She was inviting her brother. She knew what she had to do - politely shut her down.
Dearest Miss Bridgerton —
You took the words right out of my quill. Those were my exact intentions when I thought of sending my favourite flower and book over to you. I am very much honoured that you cherish an important part of myself. I truly appreciate it. Truth be told, I appreciate you and our friendship.
Perhaps, one day. Tea does sound lovely.
What mischief have you been causing as of late? I am always excited to read your recounts of your daily adventures.
Yours as always,
Phillip Crane.
*
Over the next few months simply flew by for Paige, the letters giving her a reprieve from her grief. They talked about anything and everything under the sun. She learned everything there is to know about Eloise Bridgerton. They exchanged childhood stories, more books between the two of them - Paige found out that Eloise’s guilty pleasure was Jane Austen’s romance novels - and held full conversations of various academic subjects. Her most prized possession was Eloise’s old copy of Persuasion filled with Eloise’s notes and thoughts on the book. Paige’s heart soared the moment she received it. It was Eloise’s version of giving Paige a piece of herself. She hadn’t read Persuasion before so she was glad for the recommendation. The botanist couldn’t help but laugh as she read the novel. Anne and Captain Wentworth’s story seemed to mirror hers. Their 7 year separation felt rather familiar to having not seen Eloise since their first season.
Before she knew it, a year had passed. She was startled when she saw the calendar on her desk when penning her latest letter to Eloise. 14th February 1824. It was the day Marina attempted to kill herself a year ago. Tomorrow would be a year since Marina’s last good day. And two days from now, on 17th February 1824, Paige would have to be met with the sobering reality of Marina’s death anniversary.
The holidays had been hard as it could be. The empty chair Marina had previously occupied was staring at Paige while her family carried on with their jovial Christmas dinner. She couldn’t understand how they could simply get on with their lives while she felt like a piece of her was missing. Yes, Marina was not much for festivities but sitting beside her and enjoying the food they cooked together was the highlight of Christmas. It was the only time Marina felt well enough to help Paige prepare the feast.
Marina’s birthday had been the hardest to deal with of course. She would have been twenty and eight then. Paige visits Marina's grave at least once a week. It calms and soothes her intense moments of grief. Sitting by the grave on Marina's birthday was a new kind of pain. Knowing that she was taken from the world far too early. Knowing that she should have been there right beside Paige. It was the hardest Paige had cried since Marina had died.
She had no idea how she was going to deal with her death anniversary.
She just knew she needed time to herself. She looked down at the letter she was going to write and found big splashes of tears all over the parchment.
"Blast it!" She cursed and crushed the paper, tossing it into a nearby bin. She was furious with herself for forgetting. For allowing herself to be happy when she didn’t deserve it. She wiped her tears angrily and quickly scribbled one last letter to Eloise.
Dear Miss Bridgerton —
These letters have brought me such comfort over a very difficult year. I cannot thank you enough for it, Eloise Bridgerton.
I do regret to inform you, I would like to pause these letters for the month. I require some time to process and mourn Marina's first death anniversary. I'm sure you can understand it will be a rather difficult time.
Thank you for understanding and do take care, Miss Bridgerton.
Yours,
Phillip Crane
Paige could barely get through the letter without feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for abandoning Eloise so abruptly. Feeling guilty for using her as a distraction from her grief over Marina. Most of all, she hated how she can't seem to remember the smallest things about Marina. She was forgetting her love's memory and it was driving her mad. She tried her best to conjure up how she smelled, the sound of her voice, how she was. Paige found the little details escaping her. Memories slipping through her fingers. She detested this. She didn't know how she had gotten to this point.
She had allowed her corresponding flirtation with Eloise to soothe her pain. But her pain was the one thing she had left of Marina. Letting it go meant letting go of Marina. Paige absolutely refused to do that. If she forgot Marina, there was no one else to keep her memory alive. Phillip and the children certainly didn't care for it. Marina would be lost to history.
*
After delivering the letter to Miles to be mailed out, Paige found herself in Marina's room. She laid on her bed, aimlessly and feeling vacant. She was sure if someone walked in they might mistake her for Marina herself. Paige felt her melancholy creeping up her throat. It threatened to choke her, snuffing all the light out. She sat up and tried to breathe. She was feeling an unusual amount of panic rising within her.
She got out of bed and looked out the window. The lake was in perfect view. Of course, that’s where Marina had gotten the idea, She thought to herself bitterly. She looked up at the sky, imagining her lover was up there somewhere happier. Somewhere calmer, where she had found peace.
“I’m right where you left me, Rina.” She whispered softly. It had been a while since she spoke out loud to Marina but it had brought her so much comfort in the early days of dealing with the grief. For a moment, she could pretend Marina was still there. Then she didn’t have to deal with the all consuming guilt and loneliness that came with losing the love of her life.
Marina might have been the one who died but Paige felt like the ghost. Spending most of her days in Marina's room, sitting still in a corner, almost like she was the one haunting it. She heard what the staff said. Something along the lines of, "What a pitiful sight." And "She deserves better than to replace Lady Marina's disposition." They were valid in their concerns but Paige couldn't care less. This was the way she knew how to grieve and mourn and she'll be damned before she lets anyone dictate the way she feels.
Looking into the reflection of the lake from the window, she could still remember the day Marina walked into the lake. It was terrifying how crystal clear the memory was. It felt like she was frozen in time - forever cursed to be twenty and seven - forced to relive the last few days of Marina's days. The memory of her walking into the lake, Paige having to rescue her, staying by her side the next three days and the moment she died. They swirled around Paige's mind constantly. It was particularly worse since it had been a year.
She was paralysed, unable to find the will to do anything else. So she went back to bed. She sat there, silent and frozen in time. The servants walked past all day to ask her if she was alright. She barely managed a nod.
She swore she could hear a hair pin drop at how silent everything was. Deep down she knew her life stopped the moment Marina had died. Eloise's letters may have made her feel like she could move forward. However, the gaping hole in her heart today proved otherwise.
Everybody moved on. She couldn't. So she settled and stayed there, dust collecting on her pinned-up hair. She knew everyone expected her to find a new purpose or a fresh start. She could have tended to her own garden like Phillip was doing in his Greenhouse on this day.
Yet all she found the energy to do was sit and stare out at the lake. She stayed right there for the next two days. She just wanted the next worst few days of her life to pass her by so she would not have to deal with them. Just until the 17th had passed.
*
Of course as the saying goes, there is no rest for the wicked. All Paige wanted on the 17th of February was some peace but little did she know, a certain Bridgerton would be making their way to Romney Hall.
It started out like any other day. Except for the Crane household, there was a somber remembrance of Marina’s first death anniversary. Paige was relieved that she didn’t have to share the burden alone and that her brother had the decency to acknowledge it. He didn’t bother reminding the children but they were young so she let it slide.
Since the staff had honoured her request of being left alone, around noon Paige dragged herself out of bed to get herself some lunch. Marina would have wanted her to mourn respectfully, not join her up wherever she may be. Paige was on her way back to her room after picking up her meal of roasted mutton with rice and gravy - Marina’s favourite dish - when she overheard a curious conversation between Gunning and her brother.
"Sir Phillip," Gunning said, clearing his throat. "We have a caller."
"A caller?" Phillip echoed. "Was that the source of the, ah..."
"Noise?" Gunning supplied helpfully.
"Yes."
"No." The butler cleared his throat. "That would have been your children."
"I see," Phillip murmured. "How silly of me to have hoped otherwise."
"I don't believe they broke anything, sir."
"That's a relief and a change."
"Indeed, sir, but there is the caller to consider."
Phillip groaned and Paige immediately knew what he was thinking. Romney Hall hadn’t received callers in years. He was probably wondering who on earth would be calling on this day of all days. Paige didn’t think much of it until she passed the front door on her way up to her room when she spotted a familiar face on the other side of the door.
Eloise Bridgerton.
What in the devil was she doing here?! Paige mentally screamed to herself. Gunning and Phillip’s conversation had faded to the background, drowned out by the mental grind of Paige’s mind. She snapped out of her melancholy and had to come up with a way to cover up the consequences of her actions. Just when she needed it, Miles walked past her. She immediately grabbed him. He looked surprised and a little violated if you asked him.
“Miss Crane! What on earth?”
“Miles, how many times must I repeat myself? Paige is perfectly fine. I apologise for grabbing you, I am in need of your service.” She said guiltily, looking over at the front door.
He gave her a curious look, “What did you do now, Paige?” He rubbed his eyes tiredly.
She shot him a glare, “I would snap at you for that but you are quite right to ask. I think one of my letters to Miss Bridgerton might have been misinterpreted as an invitation to come over to Romney Hall.” She gave him such a pitiful pleading look, he had to help her.
“How can I be of service, Miss - Paige?” He corrected himself the moment Paige shot him a murderous look.
“I need a plan. If the truth comes out, neither of them will forgive me.”
Miles had never seen her so panicked and scared before. For someone who detests her brother, she really did love him. Her blooming feelings for Miss Bridgerton had become apparent over the last few months. He gave himself a moment to think of a plan.
"Yes, sir. She's here to see you, after all." They both heard Gunning say to Phillip.
Paige looked at Miles with wide eyes. They had officially run out of time. This was sealed by the sounds of Phillip’s footsteps making their way to the corridor Paige and Miles were hatching a plan in. Before Paige could push Miles to distract him, her dear brother had brushed past them and opened the door. She cursed to herself and watched helplessly as the two strangers who had technically never met interacted. She made her way to stand quietly behind her brother, listening to every word. Paige's heart nearly stopped when she heard Eloise's voice after all these years.
"Sir Phillip?"
#Bridgerton#TSPWL Rewrite#Bridgerton AU#Bridgerton fanfiction#OC: Paige Crane#Marina Thompson#Eloise Bridgerton#Paige Crane#Phillip Crane#TW Grief#TW Mention of Death#TW Mention of Suicide Attempt#TW Depression#TW Anxiety#Spotify
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