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bsd-fan · 1 year

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Chuuya´s analysis part 2: Humanity and contradictions

Stormbringer is by far the most important piece if we want to understand chuuya because this is the moment his view of life is challenged. We follow chuuya through stormbringer, we get to see how doubtful, scared and confused he is about his humanity and we also see a side of him that he constantly hides.

“I told you, Chuuya”

He looked up in the direction of the sudden voice. It was a familiar voice, one that belonged to the person he hated most in this world.

“Your birth itself was a mistake. We´re the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn´t even real?” - Hallucination of Dazai. Stormbringer

Dazai and Chuuya constantly claim the hate they have for each other. A lot of that hate is because their history of them being assholes with each other, a lot of it is just posturing but a lot of it is because of this. They share the same problem but the way they face it is incompatible. Especially on chuuya´s side. During sb we learn that Chuuya /understands/ Dazai, not because he tries to but because deep down he thinks the same. But he /never/ lets himself think about this, because if he does he will drown and he can´t do that.

You can ignore most of this analysis because the only real important thing to understand is that chuuya is a figher.

That´s his core as a character.

Chuuya fights every godamn hour of every day. He fights with himself, he fights against his ability, he fights for his humanity, he fights for the people he loves, he fights when everyone already gave up. He has lost /so much/ through his life and never complains about it, he keeps going on because that´s what he was taught to do. He has gave up so many things. He can´t say that he is tired, he can´t be afraid, he can´t stop because he was conditioned to be the last man standing not matter what and that´s what he does. Because he has people he cares about and that depend on him so he can´t fall, he can´t ask for help and damn sure he can´t let himself sulk and think about the futility of all, he can´t go with dazai´s nihilistic mentality not matter how much of it he secretly shares because he can´t stop fighting. That would ultimately break him. Chuuya´s outwordly drive to keep advancing despite all the horrible things that happen to him is only possible because he never stops to think about this.

So in a lot of ways, Dazai is like a punch in the face. it´s his worse fears and hidden thoughts in a human form. Dazai, especially 15-18 year old Dazai represents everything he fights about himself. So yes, when I say that chuuya makes a constant, conscious effort to avoid understanding Dazai I´m talking about this (and that´s like half of it, because Dazai´s coping mechanisms also directly clash with chuuya´s whole ideology. Honestly is kinda impressive how Dazai manages to trigger chuuya to that degree)

Now, going back to the analysis I want to say that Stormbringer doesn´t really bring anything new to chuuya´s character, it just consolidates what was already there. It´s when chuuya finally realized something we´ve known all along and it´s because of this that he can finally solve his inner conflict.

“I can feel their lives burning right here, inside me, and till those flames die down. I can´t just do whatever I want. I´m gonna do what I need to. That´s who I am”- Chuuya, stormbringer

“-Why don´t you get it? There isn´t anything you need to do! Live how you want to live! Destroy what you want to destroy! Because there´s only one thing we needed to do, and that was to not be born!(...)

-Just shup up- Chuuya´s eyes burned with fierce determination. -Maybe that´s what you wanna do, but don´t shove your belief down my throat. Cause that ain´t ´t how I feel at all.

Several shadow ran thorugh the light in his eyes.

His friends in the sheep.

His friends in the Port Mafia.

The light in his eyes was determination. It was the powerful brilliance of humankind, something gaines only through encounters and partings with other people.

-You´ve been completely wrong from the very start- Chuuya spat in disgust- “Being born was a mistake”? Sounds like the kind of garbage Dazai would spew, and no way in hell am I ever gonna think the way he does!”- Verlaine and chuuya, stormbringer.

This scene is so important to chuuya´s development as a character because this is the first time he defines himself as an individual in his own terms and independently of his origin. He is a person, and he is the kind of person that will do what it needs to be done and he will do it for the people that is important to him. That´s simply who he is. That´s his identity as a human being. That´s why I get mad when people are fighting about chuuya´s humanity. Yes, at the end is really hinted that he is the original one but that´s not important. Because the whole point of the novel is that humanity is more than origin. It doesn´t matter if chuuya was born as a human being or created in a lab because at the end of the day he is human because of the ties he has with the people around him.

Different from Dazai, Chuuya gets this solution from existentialism. Existentialism is a form of philosophy that explores the issue of human existence. Existencialism basically says that purpose and meaning in life doesn´t come from external forces such as God, fate or a bigger power but instead is entirely determined by ourselves and that´s exactly what chuuya does. It doesn´t matter that life in senseless, it doesn´t matter if he was created only as a weapon, it doesn´t matter if he shouldn´t have existed in the first place. None of it matters. Because he is already here and he will give himself a purpose. And God, I´m gonna stop here to say that this is such a chuuya thing to do. He fights what everyone around him is telling him and he fights himself, yes, he may understand Dazai and verlaine´s nihilistic mentality but he ultimately decides to reject it. Chuuya will fight even the absurdity of life, in a way is fucking hilarious and as a Dazai kinnie I can wholeheartedly understand how this is so annoying for him. Because here we are needing sense, getting paralyzed because of the ucertainty of the world and just trying to keep living despite being constantly overwhelmed because the aburdity of all and then there are people like chuuya that realized the same thing but they keep going, people like chuuya that just push their way through life like it´s not a big deal, people like chuuya that never give up even when is the logical thing to do. And as maddening as it is, maybe this is the real reason why Chuuya is my favorite character, he can do something I don´t. His will to fight despite everyting? How he gets up every single time? is not something I can do.

Okay so sorry for the projection in the middle of it. Let´s continue with the analysis.

The whole point is that Chuuya doesn´t care if his reason to keep going is not trascendental, he doesn´t care if it´s illogical, he doesn´t care if in the great scheme of things it doesn´t mean anything. Because it´s important to him, it´s enough to him and that´s all that matters. Chuuya has people he loves, he has emotional ties with them and Chuuya clings to them with desperation because it is what impulses him to keep going. I need you to understand this, every single character is bsd have people they love and appreciate but for chuuya? it´s a whole different deal. They are so much more than that. They are not only people he loves, they are the direct representation of his humanity (which I remind you is the most important aspect of his characterization) he finds a purpose and a sense in this bonds, he finds an /identity/ thanks to this bonds. And that´s why he will do absolutely everything to preserve them. Yes, the biggest difference between Chuuya and kunikida is that when chuuya says that he will do what needs to be done, he is not talking about ideals, he´s saying that he will give everything of him for the people he loves.

Now, everything should be fine, right? Chuuya learns to accept his humanity to a certain extent, he gives himself a purpose, everything is /fine/ except it´s not and this lead us to the second and biggest contradiction about chuuya and this is which ultimately brings another thousand contradiction in his character: Nowadays his biggest conflict is not the original problem anymore, it´s the solution he gave to that problem.

And it´s the most tragic contradiction in earth because his relationships with people is what makes him keep going but at the same time it´s also what keeps him stuck (I´m discussing that later). And it hurts so much because yes, they give them an identity, a purpose but he also sacrifices /too much/ of himself in the name of this relationships.

He is conventionally brave, he is not like atsushi, he never hesitates, he never doubts but it´s not in a healthy way. Chuuya is not brave for the sake of being brave. He is brave because there was never another option to him, he doesn´t let himself feel afraid. During stormbringer he experimented more suffering than most of the characters in the story, he went against a giant beast, he was tortured, freakingg hell, his biggest fear all along was to discover that he wasn´t human but he decides to know because the flags investigated his past. He was terrified but he forced himself to ask because “I have an obligation to know for their sake” not for him, for the flags.

And let´s not talk about how corruption is his worst fear turned true, let´s not talk about how it represents the lack of humanity and how that may affect the character whose whole main arc revolves around seeking humanity, let´s not talk about how he goes against his worse fear once and once again to protect the city and the organization he loves. There is only one thing that chuuya wanted, all this time he only wanted to know if he was a human or if he wasn´t and in stormbringer he gave up even that. He decides to use corruption fully knowing that he will lose his opportunity to know and he doesn´t care if by doing it, he can save people.

He has a moral compass but he sacrifices it in the name of the people he loves. He cares about people but he also mass murder if that benefits his organization. He appreciates life, but he´s so ready to die and destroy himself if by doing that he can be useful for the people he cares about. His pathological loyalty is also explained by this, it doesn´t matter if they betrayed him or hurt him, he will still be there for them because he puts this relationships over everything. He even sacrifices his emotions, I´ve said it before but chuuya didn´t even let himself cry after he saw his friends in pieces because he put albatross needs over his own pain. He got into an organization he didn´t even wanted to be in because by doing it he could save the people that stabbed him in the back. To this day I´m haunted by the fact that in the entirety of stormbringer, chuuya only let himself be vulnerable once, he only screamed once. When he was being tortured, and in agony, he let himself scream but he only did it because no one there cared. If a person he loves had been there, then chuuya would´ve hold it in, he would never let himself cry because he will never let himself be a worry for the people he cares about. His whole ability is a reminder of everything he went through, of everything that makes him different, of all his pain but he doesn´t resent his ability because he can protect the people he loves with it, that powerful ability is just another responsibility he needs to carry. He is powerful so he needs to protect those that aren´t.

Chuuya is so selfless that it actually is a fucking flaw. From all the characters in bsd, he is the one who sacrifices the most and the craziest thing about it? He doesn´t even notice because in his mind he´s doing what needs to be done. In the CD drama he says to akutagawa that self sacrifice is a pathetic excuse for weak people but he does it all the time, except that he doesn´t think about what he does as self sacrifice, for him is just the natural thing to do. Chuuya constantly makes pyramids and he puts himself at the bottom of them. He is ready to give everything for the people he loves but he never expects the same of them. He loves unconditionally, but he doesn´t think that he can be loved in the same way. He needs to push himself, he needs to be useful.

“-Why- A flash of uneasiness briefly colored chuuya´s expression- Why would you go through all this (...)

-It´s nothing particularly serious- Said Lippmann. Baffled by chuuya´s reaction, he eyed the rest of the group- If we had to come up with a reason, though...it´s because you´re our friend. Were things different in the sheep?

They had been. That was what Chuuya flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable”- The flags and Chuuya, stormbringer.

Chuuya doesn´t know how to accept kindness, he doesn´t know how to react to people caring about him. Because that´s his job. He is never in the opposite side of it. And when he finally was, he lost it and even then he never thinks about all the shitty things that happen to him, he never complains about the unfairness of it. He just keeps going, he takes every single blow and he never let himself make a sound.

Do you see the contradictions now? The love he has for his people may be the foundation of his identity, but he also sacrifices a thousand of things about himself to protect them. No one can live like that. He lives in a perpetual state of contradiction. What he believes in, what he feels and what he does never fucking allign. And honestly this is part of what makes his character so fucking good, because this contradictions narratively speaking make perfect sense. Is not that he is lying, is not lack of self awareness, is not a hole in his characterization. if you stop to analyze the character this contradictions make perfect sense for him. And this trait is why chuuya gives this impression of being predictably unpredictable.

During the first light novel Dazai describes kunikida like this:

“I´ve got a good idea of who you are now, so nothing you do will ever surprise me. I mean, compared with me, you´re just a simple man with a simple mind, after all (...) See? You wear your heart in your sleeve. You don´t hide how you´re really feeling”- Dazai, Osamu Dazai´s entrance exam

And you´ve probably noticed by now, but a lot of this description somewhat applies for chuuya too. But Dazai´s reaction to chuuya is usually this one:

Even knowing Chuuya better than anyone else, Dazai has consistently been surprised or doubting chuuya´s actions. During stormbringer he didn´t know if chuuya was going to use corruption, because a normal person don´t go through life sacrificing their most wanted thing. During fifteen, he was extermely curious about his relationship with the sheep, because chuuya´s arrogance doesn´t make sense with the way he lets himself be used. He thought that Chuuya was going to kill N because that would´ve been the normal reaction to have but he didn´t. At 22, he hoped that chuuya was going to use corruption to save him but the whole point was that he could never be 100% sure because a normal person won´t go through life facing their worst fear just because of trust. And Dazai is not the only one unbalanced by chuuya, the flags were constantly surprised by him, rimbaud didn´t know what to do of him. Verlaine thought that after all the suffering, chuuya would grow up to hate the world just like he did, but chuuya didn´t. There is this whole scene in which Adam and shirase are facing verlaine and he knows that they will die, he goes through all the possibilities but there´s no way they make it but then chuuya appears

“The 169 outcome. An unthinkable possibility

-Unbelievable- I instinctively muttered”- Adam, stormbringer

Adam is an AI, he was made to think about all the logical options and he never thought of that one. Because no normal person will go and fight when all logic is saying that they will lose. But Chuuya does it, he goes and fight expeting to win, giving his all because he will not let his friends die.

Kunikida is relatively easy to predict because he will stick to his ideals as much as possible and because of that is easy to read his actions and the way he will act (to a certain extent, of course) Chuuya is as easy to manipulate as kunikida is but he is far more difficult to accurately predict. Chuuya may be as genuine and honest as kunikida is but he doesn´t stick to anything. He will go against the very basis of himself for the people he loves. Worse than that a lot of his actions and decisions are incredibly complicated because he does a thousand of mental mallabarisms that somehow make sense for him. He will kill, steal and blackmail but outside of job? He respects the traffic laws, he thinks that kids shouldn´t drink alcohol and help grandmothers cross the street. Does that make any sense to you? He will die and kill a stranger no doubt if by doing that he can protect the mafia but sacrificing a friend? Yeah, that´s not gonna happen. He simply can´t do it. So chuuya is fine with killing but only under specific conditions and that applies to everything he does. He lives in constant contradiction and that´s a problem because he won´t be able to keep it eternally. Every single time he goes against something he believes in, is a hit, even if he doesn´t let himself see it. And is fucking terrifying because we all talk about what´s gonna happen when Dazai breaks down, but I´m asking what´s gonna happen if chuuya is the one who breaks down? Because it´s gonna be fucking catastrophic, Chuuya doesn´t know how to bend, he will just keep going until he breaks. He will just keep going until he completely destroys himself.

Now I feel like this is a good time to answer the first question. If chuuya has so many hero-like qualities then why is he in the sides that kill people? why is he a morally grey character? By now I think is pretty evident that Chuuya is not a violence oriented character, he may be agressive and blunt, he is bad tempered but almost every single time he attacks is because he is trying to protect his people or in benefit of them. Yes, he is impulsive and he enjoys a good fight but he never attacks just for the sake of it. He may be arrogant and powerful but none of that is the answer. The real reason Chuuya is a morally grey character is because he chooses.

For him, some people are more important than others.

And just like I´ve been saying in all this analysis, chuuya is ready to do /everything/ for the group of people he chooses. He will kill and die for them. He will go against his moral code a thousand times for them. This certainly doesn´t excuse chuuya´s behavior though. The reality is that no matter his motivation, his actions are still bad by the moral code but just like Dazai, Chuuya is not a moral oriented character. And honestly I will forever find fascinating, that Dazai have all the attributes that we would expect of a bad person but he is in the side that saves people, he is doing his best to protect. Meanwhile, chuuya is an almost text book definition of a hero and still is in the side that kills people. The most fascinating thing though, is that they´re both morally grey characters just in completely different ways. Dazai still does a lot of bad things, it just happens that the ultimate result is a “good” one. Chuuya is constantly doing horrible things, but he also sacrifices himself constantly for the city he loves, and he has saves lots of lives by doing it.

Now going back to topic, yes chuuya chooses but that this is not a mafia-only thing. People in the light does it as well.

Tanizaki is the most obvious one, it has never been a secret that he would burn the world for Naomi and he is the only ADA character that actively has risked (and potentially killed) a complete innocent person in the name of saving Naomi. Ranpo did it as well, during the cannibalism arc he is the first one to suggest killing Mori because he priorized Fukuzawa not only over Mori´s life (which is natural) but also over the whole moral code of the ADA. And later in the story, he is the only one who wants to refuse the job that we now know that ruined the agency. The whole point of it, is not that the ADA didn´t believe in ranpo, is that if they didn´t took the job innocent people were gonna die and that goes against everything the ADA believes in, but not for Ranpo. He was perfectly fine with letting those people die if he could save his family, if he could save the ADA by refusing the job. Tecchou is a hunting dog, his whole character revolves around justice but he was ready to go against that because Jouno was lost, and that was more important for him than the fucking world. Yes, chuuya actively kills but all of this characters have proved that they would do it too under the right circumstances.

And with this I can finally write the last part of this analysis: Chuuya nakahara shouldn´t be in the mafia, his coping mechanisms and how his character is stuck.

#bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #chuuya analysis #bsd analysis #soukoku #skk #the fangirling is strong in this one #he is my favorite and it is obvious #hundreds of words just to say that I adore him #stormbringer spoilers #fifteen spoiler #bsd spoilers

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nostraightheadcanons · 2 months

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☆ DJSS falling in love headcanons ☆ DJSS X Reader

This is a pretty long read whoopsie ;;

☆ DJSS is a rather complicated case, on one hand you could say he's expressive but that is moreso a facade than anything. his grandiose behaviour is something he does to further the narrative that he's trying to push. That this DJ SUBATOMIC SUPERNOVA is beyond anything the world could imagine, he's above such trivial things that are befitting lowly humans such as you all. So something such as emotions? and feelings for others? should be below him would it not? He's someone who doesn’t handle intimate feelings very well. It’s difficult for him to come to terms with having feelings for someone else let alone platonic emotions, both from fear of rejection and the notion of that he'd never be good enough or worth anyone's true effort and time. He's used to having people at arms length never letting them get close enough to see the man behind the veil.

☆ Any past attempts at close relations have always ended up in failure due to his personality and façade, he struggles with understanding peoples emotions and the ways others think. He may be attentive and observant of the people around him but he's not very receptive to their attempts of so called friendly relations, everything must be logical, calculated and fit the design he has planned perfectly, these fortuitous attempts through him off balance.

Everything must be either transactional in his head. Give or take and he's the one mostly doing the taking.

NSR is just a stepping stone for the grander plans in life, you may think he's friend with the fellow charters but I few it more complicated than that.

What does it mean to like someone if they provide nothing for you to gain? It's illogical and an anomaly

☆ He can't perceive the notion of liking someone just because. At first he doesn't even register it's crush, you're just a stray planet in his orbit. Just a minuscule dot in the ever-growing galaxy, nothing of worth. Next to nothing when compared to him. But you stay, you continue to orbit him. You spin on an axis that is unfamiliar and foreign to his core that for some reason he catches himself looking at.

You were unplanned, unwanted and a nuisance that wouldn't go away.

His body couldn't ignore the gravitational pull that always found him, drawing closer to you whether in word or body. ☆ Although he’s a seemingly emotionless man in regards to matters that are not within his interest on the outside and rather talented in hiding his true feelings, he’s the type of person to become flustered by small things such as the way you laugh or smile at him, despite how brazen and bold some of his actions and words are. Though spotting those subtle differences is hard, but if you look close enough you can see the way that his orb changes shades. The ways that the sparkles shift to glow just a tad brighter, the cosmic clouds entrapped within him shifting as the waves brew into a storm of emotion that even he couldn't predict.

The plantery rings on his jacket spin a little faster, and if you really catch him off guard? You can see glimpse of a aura / halo hidden deep within the confines of his hoody. Spinning and rotating just a tad. You're drawing things out of him that he had pushed down for centuries, an unprecedented shift in his reality. You were an anomaly that has sent ripples throughout his very existence and now he's feeling the waves of the aftermath that is now changing the protectory of his life.

Seriously, he’d wrap an arm around you without a second thought if he's boasting about himself and wanting you to back within his brilliance n shine. But the moment you ask him to go somewhere like lunch or someplace else. He's just riddled with questions and doesn't seem to understand why you'd want him Anxiety dripping down his back, he'd psyche himself out of it trying to ignore the way his orb displays a myriad of shades that toooottally weren't there before. ☆ So when DJSS actually realizes this is a crush: he can be a little bit distant. Honestly though, I can see him being either one of two ways: Confident but he amps up his façade like crazy that he thinks he can prove his worth by showboating his glory or as previously mentioned. He would definitely want to cultivate his relationship with you before bringing it to the next level as a result of both of these possibilities but it's entirely dependent on how you react on how things go from there. Will you be the time to reach forward if he's cold and distant to slowly chip away at the ice barricade his heart? Will you be able to dismiss the grand act he puts own and venture into the vast depths to find what lurks beneath.

There's someone there wanting to be love, he doesn't realize it yet until he feels the ice of the great unknown nipping at his neck bringing with it the dread of loneliness that has forever plagued his existence.

All of this would be like second nature to him, but once he realizes exactly why he feels the way he does, he would distance himself a little bit to recollect and organize these new emotions. He's not prepared for this change, he can't seem to categorize or make sense of anything you've done to him. ☆ If you two do miraculously end up together, DJSS wouldn't do one of those big grand confession he thinks they're rather ridiculous for something like him. He's THE DJ Subatomic Supernova, he's not going to waste his time on some silly confession. He’ll eventually gather his thoughts and get his shit together and ask you on a date. If you say no, he's mentally prepared for this anyway. He'll just try and cease all the changes you've made to him effective immediately and try to push down and suffocate his emotions

Like he normally does ☆ He wouldn't gush about you like others do about their partners, He's not that kind of guy. But it won't stop him from certainly talking about you a lot. It doesn’t take long for others to catch onto just how much he likes to brag about you. So much so, that people often have to tell him to shut up. He's annoyed so many of his staff members about this already

You think his gloating about himself was bad?

He's upping the ante and gloating about YOU TOO. ☆ Totally the jealous type of lover, he wants to be the only one that gets to touch you that way. To hold you? To kiss you? To look upon you fondly with just enough sweetness that you blush. That's for him and his eyes only. It bothers him if someone is pestering you or trying to flirt. If someone talks about you too fondly for too long it really gets under his skin

You'll often find his orb growing darker by the second, you know he's not the type to hide his dislike of someone ☆ BIG HAIRY GUY! You think after everything I've said he'd hate being touched? Nope! He's touched starved and wants nothing more to be held and cuddled, once those walls are down and he learns to trust his feelings and you there's no stopping him from keeping his hands off you one way or the other. You can find him coiling his arms around you entangling you completely as he elongates his limbs to ensnare you completely. It's either draped on your shoulder, holding your hand or around your waist When he demands affection there’s no getting around it until he gets what he wants

Call him selfish and jealous, but you're his and he'll do anything to make that obvious to anyone around him ☆ The way to his heart? Cook for him, He's not the best in the kitchen mediocre at best, some of his attempts end up in disaster. Cooking is not logical, so many factors and things he needs to account for that can change on a dime and he hates that. So he avoids cooking as much as possible which means he either skips meals or substitutes for rather lacking options.

It shows him that you care and that you pay attention to him in ways that others do not, seriously it means a lot to him even if he has trouble showing that to you. Sometimes even you make him lose the words to say, which is surprising . .. given him.

☆Mod Nine☆

#mod nine #SORRY IF THESE ARE MESSY AND A BIT OF A TANGENT WHOOPS #no straight roads #nsr #nsr hcs #djss #x #x reader #djss x reader

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gingersforeverbox · 2 years

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Could I request some headcanons for Viktor and a reader who constantly compliments him on his appearance/character? Not even on purpose, just earnestly doesn't have enough of a filter to not to. Thank you so much!

Hi there love, and hi there everyone as well! I promise I'm alive guys, and I swear I'm working on some asks and I haven't abandoned y'all, but life has been a bit hectic as of late. Anyways without further a due, have a small Viktor fic because I only just realized that you said headcanons instead of fic :)

requests are still open💖

Viktor is a gorgeous man. He has an air of graceful beauty that surrounds him at all times; even when he is drenched in oil from his latest machines. And even more so when he takes his top off to get rid of the said oil.

His eyes are like golden halos that framed the pupils that envisioned the future of the world around him. And oh how bright they shined when he came upon a breakthrough. Hell, they shined when he was pleased with anything. Their glow increases just a tad with each ounce of contentment. The halos are almost symbolic in the sense that he is a harbinger in the eyes of the world that he is destined to change regardless of what he does. The people around him may just know him as the co-founder of Hextech, but if only they knew how much more he would become. The brilliance in his veins compels him to achieve greatness no matter the cost, including the cost of himself.

That was something you’ve always admired about Viktor. You always admired the fact that he was born to achieve glory in one way or another, yet he doesn’t flaunt it. He doesn’t think himself better than others in a conceded way despite knowing his quest for greatness is already filled more than those around him. His humbleness and passion for the progress of humanity just made him all the more stunning, both inside and out.

Yet the part that baffled you about this was that he didn’t see what you saw. Every time you paid him a compliment, he chuckled, thanked you, then brushed it off as you being a kind partner. He kept up this routine like clockwork each time, and if you were being completely honest with yourself, it hurt to see him brush off the love you gave him in the form of compliments.

“Good morning Vik,” you chirp to the hardworking scientist. “You look nice today! Did you do something different?” you asked with a soft smile.

Viktor looks to you as he pulls off the goggles he was using while working. “Good morning dear. I haven’t changed anything, no, but thank you for asking,” he answered with a slight upturn of the corner of his lips. And that was that. Brushed off yet again.

“Hey, Vik, why do you always do that?”

“Do what květina?”

You sigh, rubbing your palms over your eyes before continuing. “You brush off compliments. I’m not sure if it’s just mine or if you do it with others who pay you compliments too, but I’ve always been curious as to why,” you confess as the floor suddenly becomes fascinating to you.

Your inspection of the pristine floors came to a halt with the tink of Viktor’s goggles being set down on the table he was seated at. Your eyes found his in an instant as he sheepishly wrapped his arms around himself. Neither one of you said anything for what seemed like hours, the only noise filling the room was the sound of life outside the laboratory’s windows.

After clearing his throat, Viktor mumbles something under his breath.

“Hmm?”

“I said I am not used to them. It’s is not that I don’t like them, but I am still not used to the idea of someone genuinely enjoying me,” he rushes out in a single breath before slumping his shoulders.

To say you were a bit thrown off by his admittance to insecurity would be an understatement. Just by knowing how confident Viktor was in his mind and his abilities, it would have never occurred to you that insecurities of all things were keeping him from feeling the full brunt of your love for him. On one hand you could understand that everyone has their insecurities that they are upset over, but the idea that Viktor has a hard time accepting the fact that people (especially you) genuinely like him crushes a little bit of you inside.

“You do realize that you are one of the greatest people I have ever known, right? The reason I say things like ‘you look nice today’ and ‘I like the new cologne you’re using’ is because I want to remind you that I want to notice the little things about you that make you, you Viktor. Actually, I was wrong. I don’t want to notice the little things, I want to remember and love the little things and the big things about you. I want to have my love for you down to a science. I want to scream it from the towers. I want anyone and everyone to not only see your greatness but to see you for who you are, Viktor. I want them to see the confident, intelligent, beautiful, hardworking man that you and I both know you are. While it is completely understandable and valid that you have some insecurity issues, because we all do, it’s important that you know that you shouldn’t let them get in the way of you not only letting others love you, but also loving yourself, Viktor.”

You open your arms for a moment, silently asking him permission to hug him before he nods with a smirk. “Did you have that prepared or did you come up with that on the spot?” You both let out a breathy laugh as you gently sway the other in your arms. “I meant all of it, and for your information, it was not prepared.”

#arcane #arcane x reader #arcane x gender neutral reader #viktor #viktor x reader #my stuff

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mashpotatoe · 1 year

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📢🧨💬 for reigen or teru?

📢 favorite thing about Reigen in canon his humanity DAYUM! it basically encompasses all the brilliance of his character, he's well-meaning but ultimately flawed as any other person, he remains aimless for long and strives to find an identity for himself for people to make a real connection with, he can be selfless for selfish reasons or too selfless to the point of selfishness where he dismisses the fact that he's actually cared for - ALL 100% HUMAN BABY! i love that his ordinary though eccentric nature is what seperates him from the rest of the cast and makes an example out of him just by looking at the world through the lense of a commoner. serving as the guiding hand to a group of espers just by being mundane and managing to be exceptional despite that mundaneness. i love that he's seemingly self centered on the surface and complex enough for many people to find it difficult to fully understand him, for a long while after i first wathced mp100 in 2019 i coudln't make complete sense of his motivations - particularly his desire to be somebody. i assumed it was a typical desire to be famous and successful, but then how could he preach about being a commoner? it takes digging deeper into him to understand what he meant by being somebody - his innate human desire to be seen. and i love how reigen as a character is capable of being all of that ^ while still having so much cartoonish charm and silliness to him. 🧨least favorite thing about Reigen in canon obviously the whole underpaying his employees thing ... but i can't think of many major flaws, except that one, that dont complete his character and make sense in the context of who reigen is. that time he took 30% of a client's crops was fucked up though 💬favorite line

not particularly memorable but i think its a good look into his attitude towards fraud and how he's unaffected by his lack of power, only by the public's dismay of him being a con. fact of the matter is it doesn't matter to him, nor in general, whether he's a fake or not, because he makes sure to get the job done. he expected to be shunned by the public for being a fraud of course, but this exchange points out how petty their outraged response is (anime adaptation did a good job with it as well, replacing the line with "you wouldn't be satisfied with a simple no" < crazy) 📢 favorite thing about Teru in canon he's so over the top with everything he's a star and his light never runs out he makes a performace out of everything while still staying true to himself. a talent of its own to make a spectacle out of being humble. i love how he recognizes his growth and takes pride in it! with many characters, their growth is demonstrated by being content with their current environment, but teru, though in his own teru way, knows to give himself credit where credit's due for bettering himself. 🧨least favorite thing about Teru in canon why is he ripped 💬favorite line

might as well be my favorite line in the entire series. INSANE DELIVERY AND FRAMING aside its such a crucial moment for teru, for him to regard himself as inferior to someone but acknowledge his advantage over them. like oh my god

#txt #mobpsy

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k-s-morgan · 1 year

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Those Gentle Slopes that Lead to Hell: Snippet 1

Here’s a small snippet with our favorite idiot demon struggling with attachment and plotting the ways to get rid of it :D

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It took Sebastian a day to conclude that attachment was the most degrading feeling a demon could experience. It took another one to decide that he needed to rip it out of his chest or to risk losing his sanity.

The consistent malfunctioning of his body. The illogical thoughts that plagued his mind. The reactions and instincts that he couldn’t begin to comprehend — all of these were the symptoms of his malady, and he wanted to be rid of it.

To begin with, he had to understand what was causing it. What aspect of Ciel Phantomhive’s existence had placed this simmering sensation inside him? Why did it happen now yet never before? Sebastian had served thousands of humans. What made this one different? The soul, yes, but it was to become his meal. Liking the soul did not mean being attached to a person, so there had to be something else at play.

His first thought was beauty. His current lord stood out from the rest in terms of physical appearance. It was curious that Sebastian hadn’t realised it from the start — when they first made their contract, he considered the boy a scrawny, unimpressive little thing, formidable only due to how proudly he held himself despite the pain and because of the unique, contradictory brilliance of his soul.

His earlier inobservance appalled him. He was always drawn to beauty, whether it was displayed through art, architecture, or appearance, so how he could miss the delicate features, the bluest eyes, and all that inviting hair was beyond him.

The clothing he’d been choosing for his Master didn’t help matters, so this was what Sebastian chose to change first. He spent an hour selecting the most boring, bland, and unappealing pieces from the boy’s wardrobe. Then he stared at the results critically.

The combination of grey and brown dulled the sharpness of Ciel Phantomhive’s looks, but only to an extent. He remained startling, and Sebastian still felt that disturbing jolt of emotions when he looked at him.

Perhaps the key lied in making him look ridiculous, but this plan was complicated by his lord himself. He might have been indifferent to clothes, but even he suspected something was wrong when Sebastian found a pompous yellow suit and tried to put it on him.

“Where did you find this atrocity?” the boy stared at it warily. He didn’t make a move to let Sebastian put the shirt on him, so Sebastian let out an exasperated sigh.

“This is a current trend in Victorian society,” he said. “This suit will emphasise your status.”

He believed his words were convincing. He wasn’t going to let his lord enter any public places like this, but maybe seeing him walk around the manor in such clothes would be enough to kill whatever weed of fondness developed in him.

Unfortunately, Young Master only frowned at him, crossing his arms against his chest.

“I don’t recall seeing people dressed like clowns,” he said darkly. “A purple shirt and a yellow suit? This is ridiculous. I’m not wearing it.”

“Since when did you start paying attention to clothes?” Sebastian snapped in annoyance, and his lord’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead.

“Watch your tone,” he warned. “And I don’t need to pay attention to clothes to know that this suit is an abomination. I think I’d remember London society adopting the looks of exotic parrots!”

They glared at one another. Despite the irritation and disappointment hissing in Sebastian, he decided against arguing any longer. With a sour expression, he put the suit away, bringing out the more typical blue-and-black combination.

It was irrelevant, he soothed himself. The whole plan was imperfect from the start — making his lord look stupid could work only if he managed to secure his success by making it constant, and there was no way to achieve this. Even someone as indifferent to fashion as Ciel Phantomhive would protest, just as he had now, and showing himself as an incompetent butler verged into the territory Sebastian wasn’t comfortable with.

He needed something more permanent. The clothes were merely an attribute, so perhaps disfiguring the Young Master could bring him the results he wanted.

Sebastian spent the rest of the day wondering about it. His entire being rebelled against the idea, but wasn’t it evidence that this was exactly what he needed? He was certain that the reluctance came from the attached side of him that he was trying to destroy. It was natural for it to fight against something that would finally bring it to its end.

#my fics #black butler #kuroshitsuji #sebaciel #sebastian michaelis

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wariocompany · 2 years

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I think what I mean to say is that, while I'm not necessarily immune to it, I generally have little interest in Astérix things that treat it like a franchise or general pop culture icon rather than literature. I don't think I'd consider Astérix literature - not even because of the can-comics-be-literature debate but rather just because it relies so heavily on its visuals for the humorous delivery that it cannot be divorced from its status as visual art. However, just because it's popular doesn't mean it has to be treated like you'd treat Mario, like Spiderman, like Dragon Ball. Where much of the appreciation as a fan is about owning the action figures or shirts or any spin off in which they happen to appear; themes becoming irrelevant.

Astérix is already unique in that in lieu of being a face to which anything can be attached, the core of his identity is tied to three things: the apolitical yet satirical faire-rire, the homely simplicity of his life and its pleasures, and successful resistance to unnecessary change, adversity and oppression, despite looking tiny and unimposing - all the while taking pride in the very things for which you are persecuted.

To say nothing of how Astérix can be seen as a critique of the post WWII modernisation France faced to the detriment of the more basic and human underbelly of its culture, this means that general franchise shenanigans such as merchandise and games and theme parks which otherwise have nothing to say lose their inherent Astérix-ness by default. The entire reason Astérix is so popular and so brilliant is gone, and as such, the reason anyone should want to buy it is also gone. You could reply that even if all of this were true it is still enjoyable to appreciate the world of Astérix purely for affinity's sake, but to that I say : what world? Besides some very basic plot points which stay somewhat consistent, everything within Astérix is malleable to keep the pacing convenient and to align it with whatever's funny. Details that might render Astérix more grounded and unchanging are disregarded the moment it is more productive for them to be different. Those fandom-type discussions are wholly unproductive for Astérix because you will never get anywhere; those things were never the point. And that's probably why it doesn't have a fandom (again it's literally just me with an active dedicated Astérix account because I'm weird).

It's easy to not realise this because so many people grew up with Astérix, and hence don't necessarily appreciate it for its brilliance but rather just because it's What Was There in their childhood. Most pop culture is somewhat like that. But Astérix isn't selling a combined 200 million just because kids have it read to them at bedtime; it is genuinely stunning as a series. It's why parents speak fondly of it rather than "that stupid book you always read". Sure, other pop culture icons have their genuine merits, but I think you can get away with ignoring this the majority of the time. Like, Pikachu doesn't suddenly lose what makes him so iconic because you're wearing him on a t shirt as opposed to rewatching the scenes where he refused to get in the Pokéball. When you really get down to it, it's because he's cute and everyone knows who he is. Contrarily, what even is Astérix stripped of the series' context and humour? What reason does anyone have to appreciate him divorced of what made him rise to worldwide success in the first place?

This might appear like a You Need A Very High IQ To Understand Astérix sort of argument but I don't mean that. It is true that, in my humble opinion, Astérix is special and has more depth than most pop culture icons; but even assuming I did not believe that, I think it's just a matter of recognising the series has a very particular tone that cannot be translated into mass production.

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inscuciant · 2 years

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* † [ robert pattinson , he / they + non-binary ] : is that CLAUD JEAURXDEN WATTS wandering around ? under these neon lights i swore they looked like a HUMAN, but in actuality they are a PRIVATE EYE. the THIRTY-SIX YEAR OLD is known to be BOISTEROUS and CLUMSY, albeit INTELLEGENT and AFFABLE. after spending FIVE MONTHS in sin city, their favourite song to hum is DANCIN' by NEON VALLEY, though people often associate them with BRILLIANCE OF THE SUN, BRIGHT-EYED & BUSHY-TAILED, WELL-TIMED HUMOR TO EVADE.

— STATS .

sexuality & status: biromantic / bisexual & painfully single despite their best efforts

hobbies: tinkering with electronics, stargazing, reciting too much knowledge about space, napping, constantly crying over dating apps

pets: they can barely take care of themselves, so none

relatives: :(

— DOSSIER .

Growing up with a single grandparent is hard; even harder still when said grandparent was half drowned in debt due to the hands of her own children before disappearing for good. A mother’s kindness taken advantage of by the folly of human greed. How typical. ▇▇▇▇▇▇ grew to be scrappy and figured out ways to help, sure — if you want to reflect the past under a kinder light, but more so to survive. Their grandmother wasn’t a perfect person or parent; most of the time she numbed their shitty situation with the promise of hazy evenings and late mornings. Inevitable as it might have been, there came a time where they truly felt lost when dearest grandmother perished in the clutches of choice vices. *** tw: overdose start *** Gone in a matter of minutes. The creak of a rusted door revealed a shape laid still between the common room and kitchen. Gnarled hands still clutched around a tarnished, cracked container. The few neighbors that ‘cared’ flocked over like the feathers of a claret-crowned vulture. Overdose, they tutted, a shame but not all that surprising. *** tw: overdose end*** Only 14 at the time ▇▇▇▇▇▇ was put into the system till they were able to live on their own. During that time, the jobs they acquired grew more and more questionable. They knew it wasn’t safe, far from it, but the money was good and quick.

And as time passed, the morality of each new job started falter. The line between good and bad has never been more than a guideline to trace over and bend. Soon enough, corrupt or not, ▇▇▇▇▇▇ ( then donned as Owen), took business wherever able. Of course, that’s always made things more complicated than playing one side but it’s always made life interesting — well worth the endless hoops and loops he’s had to contort through.

All until one particular case.

The couple that hired him were well feared. Their influence ran strong far and wide. So when contacted to help find their son.. they had no inclination of declining. How could he with such a big catch?

If only he’d known the landmine waiting at the line’s end.

What he found months later is still hammered deep in the layers of his conscious. The wanted was by no means someone that initially warranted sympathy. The ‘victim’ had to have known the dangers of running with such a business, but process of which he was.. removed from this world was beyond harrowing. To make matters worse, Owen struck gold with information they wanted nothing to do with. All of which were turned over to his clients to execute punishment as seen fit — again, the details he is privy to. And despite the knowledge gleaned from prohibited subjects, he was left to live in favor for being so thorough.

Sometimes they wish that courtesy hadn’t been extended.

Desperately wanting to remove himself from the whole ordeal, they slunk away to another part of the world. Vegas, this time, as a ‘newly budding’ private investigator that’s hardly conventional in their antics and proceedings. Still, Claud get the results each client has requested thus far — that’s got to count for something, right?

— CONNECTIONS .

green but keen ( 0/? ) — sure, claud’s ‘kind of new’ to the whole private investigation schtick, but they swear to get the results wanted every single dang time! so, c’mon, give them a chance — just one!!

single as a pringle stuck in the goddamn can ( 0/? ) — look.... claud’s been trying to put themselves out there and see if anything sparks, they swear! and it’s not like they haven’t gone on dates — it’s just that they all somehow end in a catastrophic mess every time. this is a plea for help, guidance, whatever it takes for him to go on a singular normal date. ( open to both wingmen and potential dates alike ).

let sleeping does lie ( 0/1 ) — straight to the point here — this person knows him as owen wilkeson ( yes, this was 100% influenced by his weird love of the actual owen wil.son ), the seasoned, but no less weird, informant that helped crack one serious missing persons case. whisper anything about that past chapter of their life and claud’s already gone. fleeing for the sunset itself because they do not want to think about it, much less speak about it.

#pandemoniousintro #* & claud jeaurxden watts — convo .#* & claud jeaurxden watts — inspo .#* & claud jeaurxden watts — headcanon .#tw: od #tw: death

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 2 years

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Ikevamp Act 2.5

Chapter 1

In this world, there is a "reason" that cannot be changed in any way.

Life begins its destiny as soon as it sprouts, and it will eventually fall into eternal sleep, for that is its destiny.

But what do "these people" who stray from the "reason of the world" and live in eternity think about this world?

Once, on a hill where blood-red roses bloomed, two vampires spoke of the same dream.

Comte: "Hey... if there's a flower that never withers, do you think that would be beautiful?"

Vlad: "Hm, I don't know. What do you think, Comte?"

Comte: "I think a flower is beautiful because it withers."

Vlad: "Like humans?"

Comte: "Yeah. But we vampires live on, like a flower that never dies."

Comte: "I wonder what it means for a pureblood to live forever..."

Golden eyes wander around as if questioning the fluttering petals.

Vlad: "I believe that no matter how long they live, all living things are simply fulfilling the destiny given to them."

Comte: "If there is such a thing as fate, then this world is cruel."

Comte: "While giving human beings a talent full of brilliance, they still leave their lives fleetingly."

Vlad: "You're contradicting yourself, Comte."

Comte: "Contradicting?"

Vlad: "You value their fleeting lives, but you also lament their fleetingness. You're seeking eternity in mankind."

Comte: "..........................."

The man smiled a little when he saw the lonely side of his friend, which hadn't changed since he was a child.

Vlad: "But... Hey, Comte. Suppose human life and talents could last forever..."

Vlad: "Do you think that might also lead to their happiness and the world?"

Comte: "What do you mean...?"

Vlad: "Shall we create it? A flower that will never wither."

Then, hundreds of years later...

A man reaches for a single rose in a garden where colorful flowers bloom madly despite the seasons.

His fingers stroked up the petals lovingly, and the next moment, his hand broke the stem without hesitation.

Vlad: "The pieces are in place―"

Vlad: "You wished for a flower that would never wither, didn't you, Comte?"

Vlad: "Well then, let the cruel play begin."

The crescent moon over the sky casts a beautiful white light at night.

(I guess I'll have to say goodbye to this mansion now...)

I look up at the big mansion with my eyes burning.

Today is the day I'll go back to the world I lived in through the door that transcends time and space.

(This past month has been one of the most unforgettable times of my life...)

That day when I went back in time to the 19th century through the mysterious door of the Louvre―

I was surprised when I found out that the people I met at the mansion were historical figures who had come back to life as vampires.

I was an unexpected guest, but everyone accepted me, and we had a lively daily life together.

As I recall all the events that happened here...

Comte: "Mitsuki. You ready?"

Mitsuki: "Comte. Yes, I’m ready."

I went back inside the mansion with le Comte, who came to pick me up. And then...

When I grabbed my luggage and headed for the door, everyone had already gathered there.

Mitsuki: "Thank you all for your help, even if it was only for a short time! Um..."

(What should I do? I want to say more, but I can't seem to say it well...)

Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and sadness for saying goodbye, I lowered my gaze, and a large hand was held out in front of me.

Napoleon: "Mitsuki, take care of yourself when you get back to your world."

Mitsuki: "Thank you, Napoleon."

I put my hand on top of his, and he gently squeezed it back.

The warmth coming from our joined hands wraps my whole heart in a gentle embrace.

Mitsuki: "Everyone..."

Mitsuki: "Thank you all for everything!"

Dazai: "Mm-hmm. Cheerful words are better suited for you than farewell words, Toshiko-san."

Vincent: "Thank you as well. We will never forget meeting you."

I shake hands with each of them as we talk.

Arthur: "Mitsuki, you know, I'd rather hug you than shake your han―"

Arthur: "Ow! Ow! Hey, you're hurting me, Theo!"

Theodorus: "Hondje, crush his pervy hands like this."

Arthur screams as Theo squeezes his hand tightly.

Laughing at their "friendly" exchange, I said my final goodbyes to them and everyone else.

(I'll never forget you all and the warmth of your hands.)

Comte: "I'll take responsibility for sending you back to the 21st century. Come on, I'll open the door."

Mitsuki: "Yes. See you, everyone...!"

As I was about to break through the regret and step out through the open door...

Comte: "What's this!?"

(Huh? What the...?)

On the other side of the door, a hazy space where light and darkness mingled was spreading out.

A few days after opening the door―

Mitsuki: "Leonardo's cigarettes: check, Comte's favorite baguette: check. Okay, I didn't forget anything."

I check the contents of my shopping bag and walk through the 19th-century city I have grown used to.

That night, I was unable to return to the 21st century, so I stayed in the mansion as before, and I've been helping Sebastian with his work since then as a colleague of his.

(I never thought this would happen.)

(Comte said there was something wrong with the door...)

Upon seeing the door in that kind of state, Comte closed it in a panic.

~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~

Leonardo: "Hey, Comte. What the hell was that...?"

Comte: "I don't know. I've been through these doors many times before, but I've never seen a situation like this."

Sebastian: "What will happen to Mitsuki?"

Comte: "I would love to send her back to her world, but..."

Comte: "If the same anomaly occurs when the door opens a month later, I can't let her through."

Comte: "Mitsuki, I'm so sorry this happened to you..."

No one could have foreseen this situation, and it's not something le Comte should apologize for.

Still, Comte blamed himself for what happened and promised me that he would find the reason behind it.

~~~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~~

(Everything is unknown, and there's no guarantee when the other side of the door will return to normal.)

(There's even a possibility that I may never return to the 21st century again...)

As I suddenly think of this, a gust of wind blows and dishevels my hair, aggravating my anxious feelings.

(I... what's going to happen to me now?)

I feel as if I am at the mercy of an invisible fate...

Mitsuki: "No, no. I can sleep in a room with a proper roof over my head, and I have food to eat."

Mitsuki: "There's no point worrying about it now."

I told myself that and re-carried the shopping bag.

At that moment, the weight suddenly disappeared from my arms.

Mitsuki: "Hm?"

Dazai: "Hey there, Toshiko-san. Funny coincidence meeting you here."

Jean: "We'll carry your bags."

I turned around, and standing there were Dazai and Jean.

Mitsuki: "Dazai-san! Jean!"

Mitsuki: "Thank you. You two rarely come to town together. What's going on?"

Jean: "I was waiting for you to finish shopping."

Mitsuki: "Huh? You didn't just pass by? But Dazai-san just said it's a coincidence?"

Jean: "Oh... right, by accident. Coincidentally, I was waiting for you."

Dazai: "Ahaha, you're not fooling her, Jean."

(What does that mean?)

There seems to be something going on, but before I can ask him about it, Dazai smiles at me.

Dazai: "Toshiko-san. Why don't we take a little detour? Let's go to a casino or a bar and have some fun."

Mitsuki: "What? It's still noon, and I'm still working."

Jean: "In that case, why don't you come to my shop? I'll teach you how to polish swords, and once you get used to it, you can even peel fruit with it."

Mitsuki: "I'll use a knife to peel the fruit, so I'll pass on that..."

(I mean, why are both of them inviting me to take a side trip today?)

Wondering about it, Jean slumped his shoulders, and I felt bad about it.

Dazai: "Ahaha, looks like you can't keep it on your sleeves. But your seriousness is your charm."

Dazai: "Well then, let's go back to the mansion together."

Mitsuki: "Okay―"

As soon as I say this, Dazai squeezes one of my hands.

Dazai: "We're your errand boys until we get you home. And for safety's sake, we're supposed to hold hands."

Jean: "I see, so that's the way of an errand boy. Then hold hands with me too, Mitsuki."

Jean: "I will protect you no matter what happens along the way."

Mitsuki: "O-Okay...?"

Sandwiched between the two, we hold hands as if I'm being swept along.

(I feel a little bit embarrassed... Oh well, I guess it's okay sometimes.)

We made our way back to the mansion, feeling tickled by our linked hands, just as I used to do when I was a child.

As we entered the front door, for some reason, they both stopped and looked at each other.

Jean: "Dazai. I have a feeling we're ahead of schedule."

Dazai: "True. Well, we're already here. It's time to let nature take its course."

Despite tilting my head, Dazai laughs and opens the door to the dining room.

Then...

Isaac: "Ehh? Mitsuki!? You're back already?"

Isaac, holding a baked apple pie in his hand, looked back at me with a panicked expression.

Isaac: "Hey Dazai, this is not how we set it up...!"

Mozart: "I thought it was your job to keep Mitsuki from coming home early?”

Vincent: "Welcome back, Mitsuki. We tried to keep this a secret from you, but... you saw us."

Mozart dumbly said this as he took his violin, while Vincent smiled, holding a decorative piece in his hand.

The others are bringing food, flowers and decorating the room.

(It looks like they are preparing for a party.)

Dazai: "I'm ashamed of myself. I tried to seduce Toshiko-san, but I couldn't get her to fall for me."

Jean: "I couldn't even invite her to my shop. I should have done a little more research on the art of the detour."

Mozart: "Is there even a secret for detouring?"

Still unable to grasp the situation, a large hand gently tapped me on the head.

Mitsuki: "Leonardo. What does this mean?"

Leonardo: "Well, now that you've seen this much, there's nothing we can do about it. Let's get the story out."

Theodorus: "Hondje, we're having a welcome party for you today."

Mitsuki: "My welcome party?"

Arthur: "That's right. We wanted to keep you busy until the preparations were complete."

Arthur: "We asked Dazai and Jean to buy us some time, but... I guess we picked the wrong people, and that's why we failed."

(Why is there a welcome party right now...?)

Napoleon: "We wanted you to smile."

Mitsuki: "Napoleon...."

Napoleon smiles in response to the voice in my mind.

Napoleon: "Unable to return to the world you came from and not knowing what the future holds. You must have been full of anxiety."

Napoleon: "There's only so much we can do, but we thought we'd try to cheer you up a little."

Sebastian: "Everyone in the mansion came together to plan a welcome party."

Comte: "It's not just about being a guest for a month. It's about welcoming you back to the mansion."

(They were all worried about me...)

The back of my eyes grew hot as everyone's kind eyes focused on me.

Mitsuki: "Thank you, everyone. I'm so happy."

Arthur: "Hmm? Your voice is shaking. Crying over something like this, you're so cute, Mitsuki~"

Mitsuki: "Geez, don't tease me. I'm just relieved to know that everyone is with me..."

Arthur: "I know. Come here, Mitsuki. If you're going to cry, cry on my chest."

Theodorus: "The chest of this horny writer will make you cry in a different way."

Vincent: "Don't cry, Mitsuki. Oh... maybe it's better to cry as hard as you can at a time like this?"

Leonardo: "True, no need to be shy. You're cute when you cry, you know."

Tears and smiles begin to appear due to embarrassment and happiness at being relieved of my fears.

(Whether I'm crying or laughing, everyone is watching over me.)

(I don't know what the future holds, but I'm sure I'll be fine no matter what.)

I'm glad to have met everyone―I truly believe that.

And then, night falls at the mansion.

Comte: “Alright, everyone. Let’s start the welcoming party for Mitsuki.”

Next Chapter╏Side Story

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp act 2.5 #ikemen vampire 2.5 #ikevamp #ikevamp spoilers #ikemen series #cybird #ikevamp translations #ikevamp comte #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp jp

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randonauticrap · 2 years

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Ikepri Suitors + Hogwarts House Headcanons

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long awaited by @aquagirl1978 & @violettduchess , tonight seemed like the night to shake things up with some Ikepri suitor Hogwarts Houses sorting! So without further ado, let's see where our 8 Princes (along with Sariel and Rio, of course) would be placed - in my humble opinion -, and why!

♡♡♡

Jin Grandet: Gryffindor

• Jin seems to me like a fine mixture between Ron Weasley and Dean Thomas. He's brave and caring, and will not hesitate to help someone who needs him. However he isn't the best at social cues - no matter what he thinks - and tends to go about things the wrong way, despite having the best of intentions. But Jin has a good heart underneath his slippery exterior, and when it comes down to it, he will easily step up to save someone who needs saving, no matter who they are.

Chevalier Michel: Ravenclaw

• The 2nd Prince is nothing if not a bona-fide genius. He has a photographic memory and is able to read minds through careful discernment (or maybe you really are just that easy, MC). But his intelligence isn't the only reason I would place him in the house of wisdom. The way he thinks is distinctly different from any of the other princes, as well as pretty much...well..everyone else. His uniqueness is both part of his charm and his downfall, but it puts him nicely in the Ravenclaw niche.

Clavis Lelouch: Slytherin

• I'm quite fully convinced that Clavis is actually just the living version of Peeves the poltergeist, but if I had to house him, he would go in good ole Slytherin. He's sly and has a killer sense of self preservation. He plays both sides and is cunning when he needs to be. He has a heart, he was just never properly taught how to use it, so instead of selflessness and honor, Clavis uses it to survive. His street smarts could - and do - get him anywhere he wants to go, and sociability is one of the most highly regarded (but least talked about) traits of Slytherin house.

Leon Dompteur: Gryffindor

• Leon is the classic Harry Potter character, albeit a tad smarter. He's heroic, brave, tends to take the troubles of others onto his own shoulders, and never steps away from a fight of honor. He is wildly protective of his friends and those closest to him, and he cares about people no matter their background or origins. But be careful, Leon; too much bravery can lead to foolishness. Also...his crest is... literally a Lion. So there's that.

Yves Kloss: Hufflepuff

• Yves's haughty nature probably stems from some internal insecurity. It's a façade that's rather easy to see through, and once you do, you see a soft-hearted, shy little boy who wants to do anything he can to keep what he loves held close. His gentle purity and adoration of sweets and baking lends his heart to Hufflepuff in my mind.

Licht Klein: Slytherin

• Hear me out. Licht is fiercely loyal to the people and causes he cares about. He keeps his internal struggles close to his chest and deals with them in external ways, even if those methods aren't always what's best for him. He is essentially the Draco Malfoy in our story, minus the rudeness. Licht is in a constant struggle between what he feels he deserves and what he actually wants, but that doesn't curb his determination to stay resilient in his chosen path.

Nokto Klein: Ravenclaw

• He may portray himself as a man-whore, but you have to admit, Nokto Klein is smart. There's a reason he is King Highness's best informant: he's the one who knows all the goings-on of everyone and everything at the castle at all times. His mask is part of his brilliance (as well as his emotional trauma, but I won't go into that now). It perfectly conceals his true intentions and keeps enemy eyes perfectly distracted by his flippancy.

Luke Randolph: Hufflepuff

• It should come as no shock that I put our precious bear Luke in Hufflepuff. He has all the traits of the common 'Puff. He loves food (especially 🍯), he's a chronic sleeper (same, boo), and he has the most intense loyal streak one could ever find in a human being. He's protective of who he loves and will not hesitate to chop off a dragon's head to save someone in need. But the moment the dragon is dead, he becomes as sweet and syrupy as the treat he loves eating so much - you are what you eat, right Luke?

Sariel Noir: Slytherin

• I think this is probably the most obvious housing. Sariel is smart, quick on his feet, self-serving, and always prepared for any situation. This hot little sadist is a textbook Slytherin, whip and all. He sees solid importance in what he does, and that fuels his tenaciousness. He has a lot of pride in his position and the institution for which he stands, and he has no trouble doubling down on his beliefs, as well as being so incredibly reasonable that he can convince others to take his side of whatever matter at least 98.5% of the time.

Rio Ortiz: Gryffindor

• A few months ago, if you had asked me what house I would place Rio in, Hufflepuff would have been my answer without hesitation. But with the release of his route imminent, there is proving to be more to this little golden retriever than we've been allowed to believe thus far. His devotion to MC is nothing short of miraculous, as he stays true to her even when she's off gallivanting with the 8 princes of the kingdom. Also, the whole factor of him surrendering his life to MC after she saves him is rather Gryffindor-ish of him, don't you think?

Tags for the lovelies: @atelier-maroron @aquagirl1978 @violettduchess @ikehoe @rhodolitesroseforclavis @gilbertvonobsidian

#ikemen prince #cybird #cybird ikemen #ikepri #ikepri headcanon #headcanon #harry potter #ikemen beauty and the beast #ikemen series #jin grandet #chevalier michel #clavis lelouch #leon dompteur #yves kloss #licht klein #nokto klein #luke randolph

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collisiondiscourse · 3 years

Text

say amen (bkdk drabble)

(a little drabble based off of one of my favorite posts that ive ever made)

Katsuki’s not a religious man.

Yeah, okay, he believes in deities and goes to temples, the blond will admit that much. The existence of a higher power isn’t really that far from the realms of possibility when he regularly interacts with people who have the head of a bird or engines for legs. He celebrates the holidays, and on days where he’s feeling especially magnanimous, Katsuki even buys temple charms and sends out a quick prayer to whoever might be listening.

But he isn’t religious.

He doesn’t like feeling like he’s indebted to someone. That somehow, somewhere, there is someone Katsuki should be grateful to for giving him all his successes. He worked hard to get where he is now all by himself, thank you very much. The idea that everything is somehow predetermined or controlled by someone he can’t even see is one that makes the blond break out into hives.

A man with any dignity such as Katsuki’s is too proud to kneel to any god.

But then again… Izuku Midoriya is no such god.

He’s very much human, Katsuki would believe despite the seemingly endless strength his short and stocky figure possesses. He’s freckles and sunburns and scars and toothy smiles and everything that used to make the blond’s blood boil. Deku can’t dress himself nicely to save his life and sings All Might show tunes in the shower when he thinks no one can hear. Katsuki’s seen the boy throw up on his dumb red shoes and laugh so hard he scared himself with his own snorts.

He’s seen Deku at his worst. Crying and crumbling, body all bloodied and torn up after giving it his all. He’s seen him angry--borderline murderous even--with rage consuming him and leaving him gasping for breath as he saddles closer and closer to the line betwean life and death. He’s seen Deku broken and hollow, unable to eat for days and smelling like a decomposing corpse because the demons in his eyes had all but haunted him from even getting up to shower.

The point being, Katsuki knows that Izuku Midoriya is flawed.

He should, at least. Having seen these cracks and imperfections over and over should’ve cemented the idea that Deku was far from perfect. He sees sides of Deku that even their best friends, let alone the public have never seen. Bakugou knows that Izuku Midoriya is not a God--and is in fact very far from one.

But fuck if he doesn’t worship him like he is.

When Izuku confessed to him in their second year, Katsuki thinks that he learned what it feels like to die.

As dramatic as it sounds, it’s true. Watching those green eyes peel away from their locked gaze on his red ones to stare nervously at the ground causes Katsuki’s heart to jump. His palms were sweaty and blood roared in his ears, deafening him from all sounds except Deku’s voice. He’d initially thought that this was it. This was Deku preparing to tell him that he couldn’t stand being his friend anymore, that no matter how much Katsuki tried to atone for himself, Deku finally realized that Katsuki would never be worthy of his love.

It built up and up until Katsuki couldn’t breathe, willpower alone keeping him from gasping for breath as he awaited Deku’s rejection. The sun set in a brilliant cast of oranges and purples, but neither boy on the rooftop could stand to appreciate it when the sights in front of them were far more important.

“Kacchan,” he blurts at last. A sliver of his pink tongue peeks out to lick at his chapped lips. Katsuki’s chest constricts with want. “I like you.”

And it’s at those three words that Katsuki truly believes in an afterlife.

His heart clenches and stops for a different reason--a different feeling entirely. The world tilts on its axis and his breaths come up short, yet Katsuki’s never been happier to have been wrong. Parts of him shrivel up. Shudder in anxiety. Embers of raw anger and determination (leftover from years of scars and charred notebooks) tell him that he’s not worthy of Deku. That Katsuki is yet to even deserve to take the hand that has been waiting for him for his whole life.

Admittedly though, Katsuki Bakugou is a selfish, selfish man.

He stares at that freckled and blushing face like it’s a reflection of the universe itself. Green eyes that mistakenly take Katsuki’s silence as rejection grow watery, and yet as Katsuki stares into the molten pool of emerald and moss, he thinks he may see his entire life in those pretty eyes.

“...Kacchan? It’s okay if you don’t, uh, like me back. I u-understand if you feel uncomfortable or no longer want me be your friend even if it kinda s--”

“W-well really, it’s more of love. I... love you. Like, a lot. Have for a while I mean and I tried really hard to hide it but I’m sure it was obvious from the beginning and well, Uraraka said I was really bad at lying so I wasn’t really sure...” he mumbles. Stutters, because he’s human and very much not a god.

Katsuki Bakugou kisses Izuku Midoriya for the first time.

He kisses Izuku Midoriya because he wants all of him. He wants the sorrow and broken bones. The awkward laughter and nervous tics. Katsuki wants those green eyes to never stop looking at him and that mouth to never stop muttering the most inane nothings. He wants the beautiful and the ugly, the victories and the losses. He wants and he wants and he wants and he wants, and now that all of it is within his reach dear god is he never letting go.

The blond pours his soul into the kiss. Mouth harsh and unyielding, ever determined to prove to anyone watching that he’d throw away his life for this boy in a heartbeat. The desperation in their kiss practically daring anyone to try and pull them apart. Katsuki wants the kiss to say everything that he, in his weak and human state, cannot even begin to phrase. That somehow a single kiss could show the other that Katsuki loves him so much it breaks him inside. It’s so good that it’s painful. It’s painful and excruciating but fucking hell if Katsuki pulls away for one moment he thinks he might actually truly die.

They’re training to be pro-heroes, so of course their pain tolerance is higher than most. They’ve been taught to fight in any environment no matter what—could probably fight five people underwater for an hour without breaking a sweat. All of those hours of training somehow still mean nothing to Katsuki in the brilliance of the storm that is Izuku Midoriya.

Because as they kiss and breathe in each other’s air, Katsuki forces himself to pull away with a gasp.

Izuku thinks he’s hurt the blond accidentally, somehow. That he’d been too rough or pushed Bakugou into it or even just took his breath away from him in the literal sense. What the green-haired hero didn’t expect was the sheer devotion in ruby eyes.

(It would’ve scared him, if it didn’t make his knees shaky and heart rate speed up in exhilaration.)

Meanwhile, Katsuki’s drowning.

He’s drowning so deep in emotions that he’d never let himself feel until now. Drowning in his insecurities and greatest desires. Drowning in emotion and vigour. Drowning in the feeling of kissing Izuku fucking Midoriya. Part of him screams in agony, protesting this weakness as it fucks with his mind and squeezes at his heart.

The rest of him lets it happen.

Bakugou pulls away, gasping for breath. It’s too much and not enough, because he loves this boy so goddamn much that it actually hurts. He’s crying, and it’s kind of pathetic, really. So undone by a single kiss that tears streak down his face while white spots appear in vision of ruby eyes. A man so weak--so overcome with emotion that he can’t help but sob at the torrent of devotion that overtakes him. His heart throbs painfully and he struggles to take gulps of air, because Katsuki doesn’t truly love many people but there’s something about Izuku Midoriya that destroys him so thoroughly.

Ever understanding, ever patient, and ever too good for his damned, hell-bound soul, Izuku holds him close. He lets Katsuki weep into his jacket and runs scarred fingers through pale blond strands as the other boy tries to stifle his sobs. He hushes him with a light kiss to his temple and listens patiently as Katsuki whimpers every variant of ‘I love you’ under the sun.

Izuku Midoriya is no such god, but Katsuki Bakugou worships him like one nonetheless.

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brodependent · 3 years

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Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam: a meta

Much as I love reading good meta, I don’t often write meta. Thus please accept my apologies if this is mediocre, and let me start with a simple topic sentence:

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.

A little longer, now: Sam is even better at loving Dean than Dean is at loving Sam because of Dean’s profound and abiding love for Sam.

Confusing, right? But not really.

We all know how Dean lives and breathes SammySammySammywatchoutforSammy. It’s his defining mission, his ultimate purpose, or, as a therapist might say, his “core belief.” But sometimes I think that we allow adult!Dean too little autonomy. We assume that he can’t help himself: he’s locked into this single-minded focus, on loving and protecting the only family he has left.

That sells Dean short. (Hang in there, I promise I’ll get to Sam in a moment.)

Even people who have been forced into a certain way of life have choices. Even people who have been told who they are all their life have choices. Dean tells us, in Season 14, I’m good with who I am--and I, for one, believe him. Whether we follow canon all the way to 15x17, when Dean is finally brought back from the edge of his desire for revenge against Chuck by his love for Sam (the only thing that’s “real”), or whether we keep to season 1 when Dean said--that’s all we have...that’s all I have... and I want us to be a family again and as long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you--Dean has always accepted his role as Sam’s big brother. Dean’s life is unabashedly Sam-centric. He’d change a lot of things, but in the end he’d change nothing, because he wouldn’t change that.

Some fans get very het up about the codependent aspect of this. Others (in my opinion, rightly) defend it. There’s scads of meta on why the Winchester dynamic IS necessary for their mythic role in the narrative, and their human role in the narrative (more importantly), so I won’t write that meta now. All I’m saying is what I think you already know: Dean lives for Sam, his baby brother, and despite the grief, the growing pains, the occasional cruelty of desperate love, Dean said it all when he told Sam (and us), Don’t you ever think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you.

So where does that leave Sam, and his love for Dean? Let’s start with that line I just quoted. Building on the above, Dean’s goal in life is to give Sam a life. He wants Sam to be happy. He wants him to be free. He also wants to keep him by his side forever, to control him for safety and comfort’s sake, and sometimes those instincts of a frightened-child-turned-traumatized-man win out. Dean isn’t perfect. Dean’s full of contradictions. But time and again he goes back to stone number one: what he can do for Sam. What he can offer Sam, by being the grunt, by standing in harm’s way.

When we begin the story, Sam has succeeded in the path Dean helped carve for him. I’m not taking all the credit from Sam here, and giving it Dean: merely pointing out that Dean stepped into traditional parental roles and helped send Sam into adulthood, even though that meant Sam leaving him. We know that the night Sam left for Stanford was one of the worst of Dean’s life, but even in mid-season 1, Dean tells Sam he’s proud of him. You always know what you want. You stand up to Dad. Hell, sometimes I wish I--

(this, of course, is beautifully echoed in the series finale itself)

Dean is telling Sam what so many parents tell their children: you have gone places I never could, accomplished goals I never could, grown in grace and understanding like I never could. At least, I like to think that’s what the best parents tell their children.

To Dean, Sam is always the one with more hope. More wholeness. More options. To Sam, Dean is stone number one.

You asked how Sam loves Dean, and my answer is: just look. Look at how Sam goes out into the world young, stands up to their father, makes his own decisions, fights back against Dean’s own nihilistic narrative through their primary losses and setbacks. Dean gave Sam the safety to build a better worldview than Dean himself has, and Sam turns that right back around and tries to give it to Dean.

What do you think my job is? You’re my big brother--there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

I can’t lose you.

You’re not a grunt, Dean, you’re a genius.

This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.

I am going to save my brother. And then I’m going to kill you dead.

If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.

I believe in us.

This is just a small collection of Sam quotes showing his love for Dean. A small collection showing the persistent theme of Sam’s persistence. He knows that pushing chick-flick moments and emotional conversations can get jokes for a dime a dozen, and even the occasional punch thrown his way. He keeps at it anyway. When Sam knows Dean’s hurting, he wants to help. He’d do anything to help. He won’t sit around and see his brother turn into an embittered killer (season 2), go to hell for saving his life (season 3), take on the Trials (season 8), be irrevocably corrupted by the Mark of Cain (seasons 9-10), let him despair (seasons 11 and 13), let him sacrifice himself to an archangel’s grave (season 14), or let him lose his goodness to the whims of a vicious god (season 15). Sam fights for Dean with full use of his considerable gifts--intelligence, rationality, resourcefulness, and yes, the occasional blind rage. Sam looks to Dean, first as a leader, then as a judge, and finally as an equal. Sam has been looking up to Dean since he was four, yes, but over the course of the show he comes to look at Dean. With love, peace, understanding, humor, pain...whatever their inimitable connection requires.

The quotes I noted above also reveal Sam’s own conflicts rear up. Sam and Dean (again, in my opinion) are equally developed characters. Both have flaws and inconsistencies. Both have struggles inherent to their personalities and upbringings, distinct from those imposed on them by supernatural forces.

Sam had a glimpse of a different life, once. He had the smarts, he had the drive, he had the sheer stubbornness to live a different life than John or Azazel or hell, even Lucifer had planned for him. But also in Sam--innate in Sam--is his core of goodness and compassion and the principle of doing right, which leads him back into the life and to soul-crushing sacrifice again and again.

Sam breaks and is broken. Sam suffers and ages and spends more time in hell than even Dean, who went to protect him.

But what keeps Sam going? Dean. Dean can’t live without Sam. We know that. The flip side is that Sam doesn’t want to live without Dean. Importantly, I think, he has more choice in the matter. Dean focused his whole childhood identity on giving Sam a life that meant he had choices, even if Dean didn’t know he was doing that. Sam can move through more crowds, more roles, more relationships. He has a better education, he has a more powerful ability to intellectually reason and detach. He would have made a great lawyer. Yet he casts all this aside out of sheer willpower, choosing instead to love Dean and live with Dean through the chaos of their lives, and to go near mad when Dean is gone. Consider Sam in season 4, Sam in season 10...Sam in season 8 trying to atone for the very choice that Dean (the best part of Dean) wanted him to make, even if the real muddle of Dean’s psyche couldn’t forgive him, for a time, for making it.

All of this leads us to the finale.

You said you wish Sam had said I love you back to Dean in the finale. I argue that he did. He made his love perfectly clear to Dean in that moment by holding his hand, by looking in his eyes. He said, you can go now, when all he wanted was for Dean to stay.

The best part of Dean wanted Sam to have happiness and freedom. At the end of his life, Dean was finally able to communicate that without fear or reservation.

But the bittersweet brilliance of that moment is that Sam--the Stanford boy who went to hell and back, who saved the world, brought down one god and raised another--no longer wanted any kind of happiness or freedom that didn’t include the one person who’d been by his side all along. Dean was giving his blessing for a path that didn’t beckon Sam anymore. And yet: Sam said yes to it out of the love for Dean. Sam went out of that barn, out of the bunker, out of that day and that year and that decade and into the next and the next, out of love for Dean. Sam loved Dean by living. He loved Dean by raising another Winchester. He loved Dean by holding all their contradictions, flaws, and heroisms in his heart (in their car), until he’d done what he set out to do many times over.

Then he met Dean on a mended bridge, dressed in old clothes that said: I was happiest at the beginning. I was happiest when we could be brothers again. I took my time getting here anyway, because I know that was what you wanted. I took my time so that we could be happiest now.

If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

#my meta #meta #spn meta #the epic love story of sam and dean #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn positive #spn #supernatural #carry on #spn finale #sam loves dean as much as dean love sam #winchesters #sam n dean #sam and dean

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wonhaebunny · 3 years

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I just read your Natasha Bakugou fic and I just realized what it's like from Izuku's POV. and it hurts??? bc on one hand Bakugou really believed that Izuku could have been a quirkles hero, but Izuku's getting all the pressure from that from a kid his age with a quirk, who as also born with everything he needed to be a quirkless hero and some extra from being Natasha, and that must have been so demoralizing. Like everything he could have tried, Bakugou could already do better without trying :(

THANK you for this anon because i have been Waiting to talk about it :) gear up because i have some Long analysis up ahead (on my own fic?? yeah i'm a loser i know)!!

a lot of people have been quick to jump on the "katsuki is right, izuku didn't try hard enough" boat, which is hugely valid considering that i set up the fic in a way that leads into it. with like 50k words of katsuki's POV, in which he's presented as this naturally larger-than-life, impenetrable figure, it's hard to suddenly be presented with such a glaring, obvious manifestation of his flaws. and it becomes easy to take his side, too, because he's not technically wrong. he truly was trying to help and support izuku, he just sucks at viewing things from a perspective other than his own. and we as readers do, too, because we've never been given any other perspective until now.

i've talked about this briefly in my replies to the comments on the latest chapter, but i held most of my thoughts back as i wanted to let people draw their own opinions. that being said, i would like to offer mine here, to give you (and anyone else who may be interested) some insight into izuku's thoughts as i viewed them while writing him.

my main thought while writing this fic, was centered around how ridiculously difficult it would be to grow up with someone like katsuki. he's just--amazing. even canonically, he's this larger-than-life, awe-inspiring figure. i think we all have experience with someone like that in our lives, someone who's just perfect in every aspect, and does it all so easily that we can't help but feel a little bitter. the person who has everything you want, who can do everything and achieve all you've dreamed of without even realising it, while you're left in their dust. if you don't know that person, then maybe you are that person. but nonetheless, it's a very human thing, to constantly try to measure yourself up to other people and dwell on your own inadequacies heavily. it's very human to feel like less than them, as ugly and embarrassing as it is.

to combine katsuki's natural charisma and untouchable brilliance with all the skill and abilities that his past as natasha brings, and the fact that izuku is at a natural disadvantage being quirkless... it's a lot.

a fundamental gap in power that's that large... it would leave even the kindest, most selfless person resentful.

but as we know, izuku isn't really... capable of resenting katsuki the way anyone else in his position would. so instead of being angry at katsuki, he instead lets that feeling of inadequacy fester in the way he views himself, until he's left feeling like he doesn't deserve to stand with katsuki at all. he beats himself down, convinces himself that he and katsuki are Different and that he will never be allowed to have or do the things katsuki does.

so all this time, katsuki has been upset that izuku won't believe in himself, without realising that it's katsuki's own brilliance (and subconsciously, his unwavering support) that pressured izuku into shutting him out entirely, because he's convinced himself that no matter what happens, he'll never be able to match up to everything that katsuki is.

at the crux of it, izuku a teenage boy who's been beaten down relentlessly by everyone around him. his classmates, his teachers, his mother, even (although her dismissal was unintentional, it clearly hurt just as badly) and, eventually, all might himself.

the one person who did believe in him was katsuki.

and katsuki, in izuku's eyes, is unreachable. it's easy for katsuki to say these things, because he's Bakugou Katsuki and izuku is just izuku. it's like being a novice who's set to play chess with a genius grandmaster. no matter how much the grandmaster can encourage him, tell him he's "got potential" and "can do more if he just tries", it will feel like a mockery. because the grandmaster is a grandmaster and the novice is nothing. the grandmaster is perfect and was always destined to win the game. he, a genius, a winner, knows nothing of the struggles of a novice. katsuki was born to be the grandmaster, and izuku was made to be beneath him.

that's the way the world has told izuku's story, and it's reinforced in every aspect of his life. katsuki himself, despite his efforts to be a good friend to izuku, can't change this by himself--especially if he doesn't know izuku feels that way. he's been afforded too many privileges and luxuries to ever understand izuku's pain, which is of a flavour entirely different to his own.

so, in a way, izuku really is quite pitiful.

(at least, that's the way i see it.)

#you are welcome to add your thoughts #i'm aware this is lengthy but i wanted to share my personal opinion somewhere #again!! this is just izuku's POV #bunny's asks #blackugou widow

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deathleadsarc · 2 years

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@of-elitiism

[ human Marcus ] The door swings open with a creaking and he enters slowly and cautiously into these unfamiliar quarters, eyes wondering around to take in the many details of the chamber. His first impression is that, in all honesty, it was absolutely exquisite; despite being a man of modesty and simplicity, it's not hard to recognize the fine woodwork of the large office and armchair. The craftsmanship of the book shelves and the intricacy of woven fibers in the carpet. The scent that filled the air, chemicals and herbs he can't exactly pinpoint by name, but which he found comfortable and even relaxing to breathe in. Still, the more he paced around the room, the more peculiar details he caught unto. Some downright morbid. A tall, thin jar with what seemed to be a deformed snake specimen inside. A large, violet tinged gemstone used as paperweight. A bouquet of herbs and flowers hanging upside down to dry in a corner. The more he noticed the more foreign he felt into this place.

Marcus heaved a breath and dropped his large, packed leather bag unto a chair, lowering his gaze and silently decided to not preoccupy himself with any other thoughts. Only those that mattered. He was here on business terms. To work and assist the state alchemist however she might need him for the upcoming weeks. Or perhaps months, depending on the project he'll be given to work through. From what he's heard she's--- exceptionally meticulous in her work. Diligent and dedicated to a vast extent. Takes great pride in her work and should not be taken lightly. Working with- or rather for her, is going to be very specific and rigid and the man had been mentally preparing himself for it ever since he'd been assigned the task. Was he nervous? Maybe, in a way--- it definitely showed in the way he took off his coat and pulled the first button of his shirt open. Or the way he rhythmically clenched his jaw as he sighed repeatedly. Or the manner in which he keeps pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, in an almost fidgeting manner.

How long had he waited there? He honestly couldn't tell, time itself seemed to fly differently when in this very odd office of hers. All that he knew was that his eyes were blankly staring out the tall window when he heard the same creaking of the door, a clear signal someone had just entered the chamber. Immediately he turns, lips slightly parted and hands snapping out of his pockets. For a moment he simply stares, taking in the details of her, before his tongue finally untwists and he calls out to her.

"...Ahem, good evening. I am--- My name is Marcus. Marcus Visarion. I'm the specialist you asked for."

― 🜛 ― T’was not often in these days of hasty groundwork that This Alchemist was forced to seek the help of the outside when it came to her great Works. Only in times of extreme need, a final contingency, would she have even ever considered the very idea of it! That her alchemy alone was not enough, that she was not enough, for what she herself in all her brilliance had planned to do! But alas, to ere is to human, and even in all her gluttonous fervor for the Arts of that Science, she did not know every detail of alchemy that could exist in this world. For this reason, she required the assistance of the outside. Such things demanded more than just paperwork and permissions for bringing the outside to her office however ― It required the Belladonna to, as one of her assistants so brutally put out, Get Over Herself and accept that she cannot translate notes of a language she'd never learned before.

Not for lack of trying.

But for all her pride involved, she knew in her mind that it would be more prudent to seek that help to speed up the process of her work. So a professional had been vetted, researched, and carefully interviewed before entering. Up to her specifications of course. It was when she had finished her second cup of tea and double, triple, quadruple-checked her notework with pinpoint instruction for each and every translation needed that she chose to step from her private quarters and into her office where the man were to be.

Her first notice had been his stature: Burly, more muscular than she'd assumed, with long hair carefully tied back from his eyes. Her own eyes drifted from his countenance to the chair he'd had to wait on ― had he been waiting so long he removed his jacket? Whatever the reason for that, she stepped forward in a confident stride, her hand outstretched to give him a strong greeting.

" My apologies for not coming to welcome you sooner, Mr. Visarion. " regality steadies in her lilt, confidence beams from her every movement. " I am Brigadier General Christina Leota, the Belladonna Alchemist. As you have probably surmised, this work keeps me quite preoccupied. . . " she gestured to her inner office. " Come, please, I'll show you precisely what you're working with and what I require. "

" Have you ever worked with Alchemical texts before, if I may ask? "

#of-elitiism #🜃 | Tiptoe through the Poppy fields ; Why the Caged Raven Shrieks | FMA #🜎 Patiently Waiting | QUEUED PROGRESS #nyoooooooooooom

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hnychn · 3 years

Text

𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐀 [𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍]

summary : armin stood on the beaches shore as the salty breeze cradled his face, and his mind could only wander to you.

warnings : character death, mentions of blood

word count : 2300+

a/n : i am so sorry to armin for writing this, but i love him sm

navigation || attack on titan masterlist

"Let's see the sea together, Armin!"

Armin got off his horse and relished in the feeling of the salty ocean breeze cradling his face, and his mind could only wander to you.

The two of you grew up together. Your mother had introduced you to a shy blonde boy when you were younger, he hid behind his grandfather’s leg with only half of his face showing, but it was enough for you to see his brilliant blue eyes. There was something about them that gave you hope, despite his timid and recluse nature, whenever you looked into his eyes you felt like you could take on the world.

It was easy becoming his friend, especially after you found him reading one of your favorite books in an alley. The two of you bonded over your shared interest in books, admittedly Armin had a stronger interest than you and would often ramble for hours about the plot of books and the underlying meanings behind characters and their developments, but the shine in his eyes whenever he spoke filled you with a feeling your seven year old mind couldn’t put a word to; but if there was one thing clear to you, it was that you liked the feeling. And you’d do anything to feel it until your last dying breath.

Eren and Mikasa were another easy addition to your duo. It was easy for you to bond with Mikasa over your shared protection over the two boys, and Eren was overall an easy person to get along with. Armin introduced the idea of seeing the sea to Eren one afternoon near the river during sunset.

Armin had brought the book he borrowed from his grandfather and told Eren all about the beauties of the outside world, the same excited blush and shiny blue eyes filled with hope and wonder on his face when he told you the exact same.

Of course, Eren hadn’t believed the ocean was filled with salt, and neither had you. It seemed too far fetched for a body of water as large as Armin claimed to be filled with never ending salt. But the excitement and hope in his eyes stopped you from arguing with him, only nudging Eren with your elbow, a cheeky smile on your face.

“C’mon now Eren, you’re telling me you don’t believe in that when there’s literal titans walking around our world?”

Eren only scoffed and nudged you back a bit harder, “Well it’s better than believing dead people become butterflies.”

Your ears burned in embarrassment as you crossed your arms, a pout on your lips as you sent Eren a half hearted glare out of the corner of your eyes, turning back to the sunset the two of you were watching, “I happen to like believing in it very much.”

Eren shrugged, “what was the story again?”

You smiled, “My mother told me our souls are all butterflies and when we die, they’re set free into the world. She said that when a loved one dies, their butterfly will come visit you to say goodbye before flying away and they visit you again when you need it the most.”

Armin stared at you as you retold the story for the millionth time; but no matter how many times you told it, he always paid close attention. Your eyes would shine brightly and there would be a smile on your face he rarely ever saw, so every time you would smile, he committed it to his memory until the next time he saw it. He never told you, but he believed in the story too, sometimes he finds himself wishing he had told you.

The four of you joined the Training Corps together after Wall Maria had fallen and later the Survey Corps. There were many hardships and surprises as the four of you fought for the freedom of humanity and raised in the ranks of the military.

You teased Eren relentlessly after everyone found out he was a titan, which only led to play fights and roughhousing in the middle of the Mess Hall. Mikasa never broke these fights apart and Armin stopped worrying about either of you getting hurt, they knew this was your own curious way of encouraging the other to fight their hardest.

But it was during the retaking of Wall Maria that changed everything.

Before everything had started, you and Armin snuck out in the middle of the night to stare at the stars and just talk. Peaceful moments like those were few and far between, the weight of jsjdf weighing heavy on both of you.

“What color do you think the ocean is?”

You never looked away from the stars above you, your head tilting to the side at Armin’s sudden question. You could feel the build up of hesitation in your chest as your mind went to war of how to answer. Would you allow yourself to speak with your heart and answer his question truthfully?

You shrugged, “Maybe it’s clear like the rivers.”

You could tell Amrin was a bit dissatisfied at your less than creative answer, you were disappointed in yourself. You should have been honest. Perhaps you’ll tell him what color you think the ocean is after you retake Wall Maria.

It all went to hell. Most of Hange’s squad had died when Barthold had turned into the colossal titan and you had been heavily injured when you pushed Sasha out of the way of Reiner’s attack. Nobody had been able to get to you fast enough, and you felt your bones crack when you collided with the ground.

You heard your friends call out to you, Mikasa’s voice louder than the rest, and your body ached for rest, but you got up. You refused to die by the hands of a traitor.

You couldn’t die. Not here. Not now. Not after promising Armin to see the sea together. So you fought on. You fought against Reiner, the screeching of your nearly destroyed gear fed into the dizziness you felt from the impact; you fought against the ache in your bones and soul that pleaded for you to stop, to rest; you fought against the pull of your body into unconsciousness, you couldn’t pass out, not here; you fought against the searing pain you felt when you were once again slammed into a building, your body meeting the familiar crunch of the ground; you fought against the tug of your eyelids and the sleep that threatened to consume you whole and never give you back.

You fought against it all - for Armin.

The rest of the squad continued to fight, sparing you glances every now and then, but they fully expected you to get up again. They knew you were a fighter - knew you had plans for after they retake Wall Maria - but after agonizingly long minutes of your body laying still on the blood stained floor, blood of your own beginning to pool around you, panic set in.

Mikasa was at your side in an instant after a desperate call of your name. You hadn’t responded. When she got to you, she could hear your shallow, desperate attempts to fill your lungs with air, only to choke on the blood pooling in your throat. Hastily placing her hands against the gaping wound on your stomach, she tried to stop the bleeding, her eyes hazy with unshed tears and fear for your life.

You could just about make out her figure above you through the combination of the bright sun blinding you and the haziness of sleep threatening to overtake you.

“C’mon, y/n, stay awake.” Her voice was muffled, almost as if your head was underwater, “don’t die, don’t die, don’t die.”

Weakly, your hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling slightly to remove her hands from your wound. She shook her head, her tears now falling in clumps down her face, landing on your blood stained cheek, “You can’t die.”

You smiled up at her. She had always cared for you like a mother would, making sure you were fed, making sure you were safe, making sure you were loved. It brought you comfort, especially now that your gasps became louder and your heart pounded loudly in your ears from the lack of oxygen. You would have preferred not to be in this situation at all, every memory you had since birth flashing before your eyes as your body grew cold, but her presence made the process just a bit easier.

Your eyelids bobbed as you tried to keep them open, but your energy was fading and so was your life, and the only thing you could think to say to the girl sobbing above you, pleading for you to just stay with her was, “thank you.”

Mikasa could only sob harder as your grip on her wrist went limp and your eyes dulled. She sobbed for her lost friend, the friend she swore to protect the moment she laid eyes on you. She sobbed for Armin, and she couldn’t bear the image of his reaction to your death.

It was only after the fight, after Armin had been turned into a titan to save him, did Mikasa feel a foreign clump in her pocket. Her hands were still stained with your blood, but she pulled it out nonetheless. It was a letter.

A letter addressed to Armin.

Armin pulled out the worn paper from this pocket of his trousers. The edges were frayed and the paper browned with age, but he still kept it.

Dear Armin,

If you’re reading this, it means I didn’t survive the battle. As I’m writing this, you’re asleep next to me, having fallen asleep on the roof during one of your star gazing nights. Nights like these are what keep me going. Everyday before an expedition, I always think back to these moments, and they fill me with determination to experience another with you.

But tonight was different. You asked me what color I think the ocean is. I laughed and said I had no clue, they were probably clear like the rivers. I lied. I don’t think the ocean is clear like the rivers. It’s blue.

I say that because whenever I think of the ocean, I think of you. I think about how you always get excited to tell someone about the outside world and what that book your grandfather had hidden said. I think about how blue your eyes look when you talk about it, and how they shine with such brilliance and hopefulness to see it for yourself. I think about how deep and emotion filled they are, how some parts of your eyes are a darker blue than others, how they change shades depending on your mood or the lighting.

How they fill me with a feeling that terrifies me.

I know I probably shouldn’t write this, especially if you do end up reading this because it might cause you more pain than my actual death, but I’m going to be selfish for once, and I hope you can forgive me.

Armin, I love you.

And I know that’s such a shitty thing to say in a letter you’ll receive after my death, but I do. I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I’ve felt like this since the moment I met you when we were seven, but I couldn’t figure out why my tummy felt all weird around you. It was when we got into the Training Corps, we were doing hand to hand combat training and you gave me a big hug later that night, proud of yourself for finally being able to take down your opponent. It was then that I could figure out what I was feeling. And it terrified me. Because there we were, training to give our lives to humanity, training to fight against the very beings that took our families from us.

And, call me selfish, but i don’t think I could heal from losing you, but I know you can heal from losing me. So I didn’t tell you. I lived with this secret for years, and sometimes I felt like telling you and getting this weight off of my chest, but just the image of you not coming back from an expedition plagued my mind, and I never could tell you.

Do you remember the story I told you? The one about the butterflies? I hope you do, because I’ll be visiting you and you better not squish me, or I’ll haunt you.

I’m sorry I broke my promise. I’m sorry we couldn’t see the sea together. Maybe in another life, where we don’t have to worry about titans or being eaten or fighting for our lives and our freedom - maybe then, we can see the sea together.

Forever yours,

Y/N L/N

A teardrop fell on the browning paper. Armin hadn’t even realised he was crying. After he woke up on top of the newly reclaimed Wall Maria, he first inquired about you, hoping to celebrate taking back your hometown with him. That’s when Eren told him everything. Armin was sure he had never cried as much as he did then, never felt pain as painful as losing you.

They were able to recover your body, Mikasa made sure they did. Armin only sobbed harder when he held your hand, its usual comforting warmth replaced with a coldness that still haunts him, even three years later.

Mikasa and Eren stood a few paces behind him, giving him some space to take everything in while they reminisced about their own memories of you.

The salty breeze of the ocean cradled his face, and his salty tears tasted bitter against his tongue. He felt something soft flutter against his cheek, and gasped when he saw a blue butterfly land on the frayed end of your letter. Armin smiled for the first time in a while.

“I guess you were right, y/n. . . the ocean is blue.”

The salty breeze of the ocean cradled his face and the butterfly flapped its wings and flew off after a strong gust of wind. Armin was a bit sad to see it go, but he smiled nonetheless.

Because he knew, you had seen the ocean, too.

a/n: sorry if it doesn't make sense in some parts this is my first time writing a full imagine work thing, and actually publishing it, so i'm a bit worried this hadn't come out the way i wanted it to. either way, i hope you all enjoyed this :)

#attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #armin aot #aot x reader #armin x reader #armin arlert #armin arlet x reader #character death

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reginarubie · 3 years

Text

Daenerys and narcissism, she also displays it

Daenerys, when the story starts, is a character with which it’s easy to empathize, having been raised on the run by a clearly narcissistic young man (which sets the example for her, because children learn through example and Daenerys has had two examples in her life: Viserys self-entitlement and his weakness and the Dothraki way, she coupled the two things, strength with self-entitlement and she became what Viserys was but more powerful) who abuses her.

But slowly we see her starting to become as narcissistic as Viserys if not more.

Here you find a list of the characteristics of people with narcissistic disorder:

- Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

“If I were not the blood of the dragon, she thought wistfully, this could be my home. She was khaleesi, she had a strong man and a swift horse, handmaids to serve her, warriors to keep her safe, an honored place in the dosh khaleen awaiting her when she grew old … and in her womb grew a son who would one day bestride the world. That should be enough for any woman … but not for the dragon.” (A Game of Thrones, Daenerys VI)

In this excerpt we see her choosing this entity with which she identifies herself (the dragon) over that of a woman. She chooses to see herself as special instead of common. Even though in her world she has been raised to believe herself special (and didn’t feel like a princess until she rode Silver) in this moment she is at a crossroads: being a normal woman with an happy life with her husband and son or choose to be a dragon. She chooses power, to be the dragon.

Now I do believe that as a victim of Viserys and Drogo both as often happens to kid victim of abuse (especially by family) she dissociated and in the rupture she identified with the dragon she sees in her dreams.

But in this moment she believes to be happy with her new life with her first abuser gone and could easily choose happiness in being just a khaleesi and live her life with her family or pursue her brother and hers ambition for the Iron throne.

- Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

“And I am Daenerys Stormborn, Daenerys of House Targaryen, of the blood of Aegon the Conqueror and Maegor the Cruel and old Valyria before them. I am the dragon's daughter, and I swear to you, these men will die screaming.” (A Game of Thrones, Daenerys IX)

“Dany turned on him angrily. "The dragon feeds on horse and sheep alike."” (A Game of Thrones, Daenerys VII)

“They never saw me for a queen, she thought bitterly. I was only an afternoon's amusement, a horse girl with a curious pet.” (A Clash of Kings, Daenerys III)

Which I am sorry, but that is reality doing a check in. No one in Qart cares whose blood she has (from what kings she descend) they care for what she has done, her achievements and for now she is just “the horse girl with a curious pet” we see her own self entitlement, remember this comes immediately after she is thinks that she is not being given not even a cup of water from the Pureborn since she knows she offer poisoned wine to people they deem dangerous.

- Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

“When her son sat the Iron Throne, she would see that he had bloodriders of his own to protect him against treachery in his Kingsguard.” (a Game of Thrones, Daenerys IV)

I choose this snippet for a precise reason, until now Daenerys has done nothing, but be a Targaryen that could warrant her a claim to the Iron throne but her brother is still alive, by her own conception Viserys is the one with the claim to the Iron throne (which it doesn’t apply since House Targaryen was dethroned and he had to take the Seven Kingdoms by right of conquest, but I digress) not her. So why does she assumes that her son will sit on the Iron throne? Her brother’s ambition has already become hers, she does not care her brother might marry and have heirs and kids of his own. Her son will sit on the Iron throne.

And she tries to get the Dothraki to recognize her son’s and hers claim to the Iron throne trying to convince Drogo to take the Seven Kingdoms for her and not for her brother. Despite either of them having done nothing to actually take the Seven Kingdoms.

“Across the road, a girl no older than Dany was sobbing in a high thin voice as a rider shoved her over a pile of corpses, facedown, and thrust himself inside her. Other riders dismounted to take their turns. That was the sort of deliverance the Dothraki brought the Lamb Men.

I am the blood of the dragon, Daenerys Targaryen reminded herself as she turned her face away. She pressed her lips together and hardened her heart and rode on toward the gate. [...] Slaves, Dany thought. Khal Drogo would drive them downriver to one of the towns on Slaver's Bay. She wanted to cry, but she told herself that she must be strong. This is war, this is what it looks like, this is the price of the Iron Throne.” (A Game of Thrones, Daenerys VII)

Here we see that despite having done nothing except working behind her brother’s back to get her son on the Iron throne, she is ready to sacrifice the life and freedom of whoever because that is the price of the Iron throne. If that’s not entitlement without achievements to warrant it, I don’t know what might be.

- Exaggerate achievements and talents

In many instances she keeps reminding everyone who crosses her, or tells her no that what she dreams come true, and therefor she is special.

Her whole behavior in adding title after title, her being convinced that if she dreams of it, it will come true... it’s a good attitude, a powerful attitude, until you use it to justify every wrongdoing you do or to obtain what you want in the way that you want without caring for the prospect of the others.

- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

“He should never have done that. He is thrice my age, and of too low a birth for me, and I never gave him leave. No true knight would ever kiss a queen without her leave. [...] Sometimes she would close her eyes and dream of him, but it was never Jorah Mormont she dreamed of; her lover was always younger and more comely, though his face remained a shifting shadow.” (A Storm of Swords, Daenerys II)

And while, yikes Jorah really is thrice her age and there is nothing wrong with wanting her lover to be handsome, that of too low birth for me never sat right with me, because Daario was even lesser of birth than her but since he was handsome to her and she liked him better than Jorah she took him as her lover.

She likes pretty things and worries about power (see also when she is disappointed in Qart they do not consider her a Queen) and more, she cares to take back the Seven Kingdoms and have power to make her realm filled with fat man and maidens, but she never really puts effort to think how to achieve that. She thinks only how to achieve the power and she realizes that herself “"Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver's Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on."”

- Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

All the times she spews about being the blood of the dragon (they are too many) and uses her being of the Blood of Old Valyria as if she is a goddess among men and should be treated accordingly.

As I have said in the beginning many of this aspects of her personality are due to what she has been taught (that she is special, a notion reinforced because she walked into the fire and survived, but she brings it to the next level and if it was anyone else in real life we’d say they have taken a power trip) and the examples she has been given. I have little doubt that if she had seen people behaving better and in a non pathological way she could stand a chance of not turning in Viserys. As things stand I think she dissociated to survive her trauma (a trauma that still haunts her - she still dreams of Viserys haughtily provoke her) and she identified with the dragon to the point that bit by bit every ounce of humanity is discarded. She still does good, she helps the ill in Meereen and I do believe she is convinced she is helping in the Bay even if she is doing the opposite.

Now, I am no psychologist, I just read and research a lot. If someone else, who is more knowledgeable than I in the matter, wants to give his input I’d be grateful to learn more.

#daenerys stormborn #narcissism

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