#plenty of people probably understand her better than me even if just by a life experience that is more similar than anything i share w/her

[revvethasmythh]

ngl, "I'm the only one who understands [x] character" or "only ten people actually get [x] character" is like the #1 biggest red flag to me that a person probably will have an inaccurate interpretation of a character. because if you've decided that you understand that character in a uniquely objective way over others, you inherently wall yourself off from alternate opinions by deciding they're wrong on the basis of simply not being the exact same as yours. if you can't incorporate or even just ponder other people's perspectives, people who have lived different lives and are approaching the content through different but potentially very useful lenses, you might miss out on some extremely enlightening and fascinating interpretations. building yourself an insulated echo chamber is probably the worst thing you could do when assessing a character like that

#this is not about anything in specific it's just something i've been thinking about for a while #because I do see this kind of rhetoric come up more commonly than i'd like #like god even with veth i'd never say i understand her more than anyone else does. that's so stupid. and untrue #plenty of people probably understand her better than me even if just by a life experience that is more similar than anything i share w/her #when someone makes an inaccurate assessment of a character it is almost always because they've not actually taken the time to get it right #through interacting with and striving to understand what canon is saying #someone who actually puts in the energy and time to think and gather legit evidence for a thoughtful opinion? #that opinion is worth considering even if you won't always agree #but someone who's just like ''i'm the only one who understands them'? they will rarely show you the receipts for why that is #anyway #just thoughts

[samlizzy71]

Can I be honest? I like your art, I think it's really cute and pretty, but I also hate it because it makes me drown in envy and self-loathing. I'm a trans lesbian who would really like to be in a relationship, but I just can't seem to make it happen. I'm Avelyn looking for my Elizabeth, but it feels impossible. I'm introverted, clocky and socially awkward, so why would anyone, especially cis lesbians who probably have plenty of better options, ever want to date me?

I'm not really sure how to reply to this, and I'm sorry I can't tell you anything to make you feel better other than... Who knows? Just like Avelyn, who thought no one would ever love her, you may find your Elizabeth someday. Avelyn is introverted and socially awkward, and Elizabeth thought she was a boy when they met, but in the end, they are immensely happy, and it's not something that just happens in fiction. A lot of people have sent me messages telling me about how the story of Lizzy and Lynn is so much like the one they had with their partner with whom they share a life now, and I can't help but feel immensely happy for them, and it shows it can happen, it's possible. So, who knows? ^^ Maybe you'll find your Elizabeth someday, and I wholeheartedly hope you do. Not everyone is looking for looks or an extrovert x) You just need to meet the right person, and it happens when you least expect it. Also, I understand the envy x) I feel a lot of envy myself when I see people who had the chance to transition at an early age or perfectly pass, I even feel envy of my own OCs x) and yet they are my way of coping with the depression my dysphoria and experiences have caused me. Still, I want to see others be happy and have all the things I wish I could have. You can feel happy for others when you see them smile, and you can feel sad at the same time while wishing you could smile as much as them, and maybe that's what should motivate us to try to make the world a bit better, not only for ourselves but for others, to be the person we wish we had in our lives. Maybe we didn't have some chances, but, why not give them to others? After all, sometimes the people who have suffered the most because of something are the ones who will do anything so others don't have to go through the same. Avelyns are looking for their Elizabeths, but sometimes we can be an Elizabeth in another Avelyn's life, and I don't mean romantically or anything, but just, being kind and helping each other. Things will get better.

[erospandemos]

I just can't help it

Yandere Chaewon x Reader

Part 1

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met. 

My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.

I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did. 

It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could. 

The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing. 

If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.

I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme. 

When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.

That evening, when I came home, I  took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary. 

I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same. 

I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.

But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin. 

I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin. 

I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.

I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.

Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.

She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated. 

She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.

The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.

My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.

Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back. 

In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.

During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.

Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.

One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.

They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records. 

When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.

So I stayed silent.

The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.

Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.

I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?

After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.

Part 2

It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.

The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.

You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.

“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.

“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.

“Then, can I seat here?”

“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? You fart a lot?”

I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”

“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.

The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.

Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.

At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.

“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.

“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.

“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”

“An internship? This early?”

“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”

“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”

Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.

I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.

“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.

But you didn’t judge me.

“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”

“Do- do you think I can do it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”

“But is it a possible dream?”

“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”

When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.

Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.

“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.

“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.

“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.

“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”

He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”

“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”

Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.

I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.

“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.

We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.

Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.

Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.

“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”

“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.

“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.

You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”

“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”

“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”

When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.

“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”

I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.

You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.

After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.

“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.

I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.

When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.

“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.

“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”

“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.

When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.

I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!

I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.

I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…

Crack

I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.

I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.

It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.

You made me like this.

Completely insane.

“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.

To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.

“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.

“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.

“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”

“Then how did it get all over your palm?”

“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”

“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”

“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.

I continued to stare at my hand.

I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…

What if they scarred you?

What if they bullied you?

What if girls broke your heart?

What if you were friends with the wrong people?

I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.

I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.

I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.

After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.

You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.

“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.

“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”

“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”

Part 3

The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.

One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."

"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.

"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."

"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.

We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.

Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.

"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.

"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.

"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."

They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."

"Once more."

"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"

"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"

"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."

"That's it, goodbye," they said.

"Thank you!" the girls answered together.

BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.

"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."

The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."

When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.

They noticed me.

"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.

"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.

"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.

"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."

She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."

She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.

I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.

"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.

The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.

"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.

At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.

"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.

"But it was only this time," I said.

"And the other four before."

"Kind of."

"Being there by 11:30 should be good."

"But you should sleep."

"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.

You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.

I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.

There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.

It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…

They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.

The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.

Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.

That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.

You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.

“What happened?!”

“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?

“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.

“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”

“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.

“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.

When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.

“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”

“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.

“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”

You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.

Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.

That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.

The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.

You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.

When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.

You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.

You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”

“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.

“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”

“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.

“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”

Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.

I always think of you.

“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”

“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”

“What day will it be?”

“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”

“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.

I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.

You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.

Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.

Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.

The test went terribly wrong.

You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.

“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.

“Chae?”

“Chaewon?”

You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.

“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”

“What are you talking about?” you asked back.

“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.

“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.

I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.

“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”

“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.

“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”

“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”

“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”

“But—”

“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”

I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.

This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.

Don’t think about anything else. Focus.

I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.

I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.

I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.

I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.

When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?

Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.

I couldn’t stop crying, you know?

To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.

What if you’d never wake up again?

What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?

What if you died?

It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.

The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”

“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.

“Is he okay…?” I asked.

“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.

“Can I see him?”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”

He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.

I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.

I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.

I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…

Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.

Chae be careful the bullies might be after you

Don’t go in the shortcut at the

Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.

I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.

I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.

I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.

They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.

The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.

I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.

But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.

I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.

Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.

When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.

I finally avenged you.

Part 4

Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.

Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.

I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.

I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.

Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.

The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.

Chaewon, you’re a monster.

I can’t be friends with a murderer.

I can’t love a killer.

I hate you.

I wish you died.

I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.

“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.

It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.

On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.

They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.

After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.

Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.

I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.

Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.

I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.

I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.

I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.

They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.

“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”

“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.

“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.

“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”

“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”

“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…

“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.

“It’s because… I… I love you.”

I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.

“W-what? What are you saying?”

“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”

“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”

“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”

That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.

Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.

You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.

“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.

“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”

“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”

“What are you saying, darling?”

“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.

You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.

I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.

I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.

But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.

You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.

Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.

I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.

“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”

“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”

“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”

“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”

“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”

“No, Chae—”

“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”

“Yes, but you took their lives.”

“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”

“Chae, please—”

“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”

I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.

“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”

“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”

“A-a deal? Really?”

“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”

“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”

“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.

“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”

I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.

I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.

“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”

“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”

“Thank you…”

“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”

“Uhm…”

“Do you accept?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”

Part 5

You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:

NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.

NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.

NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.

RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.

TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.

I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.

It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.

We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.

Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.

I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.

You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.

Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.

THE END

Written, 7 June - 27 June 2023

#yandere #yanderekpop #yanderekpopgg #kpop #lesserafim #chaewon #chaewon yandere #angst

[upon-a-starry-night]

Number Neighbors Pt.2

Natasha x Fem!Reader

Natasha Masterlist     Series Masterlist

Pt.1

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary:  When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little?

To give you some credit, you’d lasted virtually all week long and had managed to only reread the messages sent between you two thirteen times, but your curiosity once again got the better of you, so here you were sitting on your couch rewatching Criminal Minds for the 5th time when you picked up your phone and typed out a quick message

         Unknown Contact

Y/n: 

Are you a man or a woman?

Or is that classified?

You snickered to yourself at the tv show reference. Much to your surprise the response was immediate, although on a Friday evening, you supposed they probably had nothing better to do. Actually, scratch that- a lot of people had plenty to do on Friday nights you were just a loner, but maybe they were too? Your stomach fluttered a bit, it would be nice to have someone to relate to. 

Maybe that’s why you couldn’t delete the number- it’s been a long time since you’ve had a real conversation with someone other than coworkers and family. And that wasn’t to say they weren’t nice but… you did get pretty lonely by yourself, this random stranger on the internet at least brought something interesting to your life.

       Unknown Contact

Unknown: 

A woman.

Y/n: 

Nice! Me too!

I’m glad you’re a woman cause if you were a man I might have to stop talking to you

Unknown: 

Why?

Y/n: 

Because you could be a pedo 

And I trust women more than men B)

Unknown: 

I can understand that.

But women can also be dangerous

Y/n: 

True.

So how was your week?

Unknown: 

I thought I told you

To lose this number?

Y/n: 

Awe come one :( 

I thought we had something

Unknown: 

What?

Y/n: 

This could be the start of something new

Unknown: 

Did you just quote High School Musical?

Y/n: Maybe 😐

 You anxiously watched the three dots appear and then disappear multiple times, after they’d disappeared for a full minute you decided maybe she was finally done talking to you and you put your phone down, at least you’d gotten a little bit of information about her. 

You got up from the couch and grabbed some ice cream from the freezer, not even bothering with putting it in a bowl since you lived alone and had no one to share it with. Tragic.

You were two scoops in when your phone chimed again and you nearly threw your ice cream to pick it up, you really shouldn’t be this desperate to text a stranger on the internet but your life was boring and this was the only thing you really had to look forward to.

      Unknown contact

Unknown: 

my week was long and very boring

How was yours?

Y/n: 

Pretty much the same

I’m glad it’s Friday though

I’m spending the whole weekend on the couch In my pajamas

To further emphasize your point you took a quick photo of your fluffy duck sock-clad feet resting on the coffee table, you could faintly make out the show playing in the background and the tub of ice cream was also sitting on the table.

So much for not sending feet pics- at least they were covered!

 It wasn't too personal, it didn’t give away anything about what you looked like or where you lived, it was simply an insight into how you were going to spend your time off. With a little hesitation, you finally sent the picture, hoping she couldn’t track you with her FBI skills

           Unknown Contact

Unknown:

Wow, it looks like you’ve got a busy weekend ahead of you.

Is that a whole tub of ice cream on the table? 

Y/n: 

Hey! There will be no shaming here

This is a safe space ;(

Unknown: 

Sorry 

I didn’t mean for that to sound judgmental

Y/n: 

Nah you’re good, I’m just messing around

Hey, is it too much for me to ask for your name?

I’m just tired of seeing “unknown”

Unknown:

I’m not sure If that’s a good idea.

Y/n: I’ll give you mine if you give me yours?

Deal? 

Unknown: 

Deal.

But you have to say yours first

Y/n: 

what?! but I asked first!

Unknown: 

what are you five?

Y/n: 

No

I’m 22

Unknown: 

Congrats?

Y/n: 

fuck off!😃

Unknown: 

Lmao

Y/n:

Fine I guess I’ll go first because I’m the bigger person😤

Unknown: 

uh huh

Y/n:

I can feel the sarcasm from here

Unknown: 

Good

Now hurry up before your ice cream melts

Y/n: 

Alright! alright!

-For your information I'm eating and texting.

My name is Y/n

Unknown: 

you can call me Nat

Y/n: 

Cool! It’s nice to meet you, Nat!

I assume Nat is short for something?

Unknown:

Yep.

Y/n:

Aaand you’re not going to tell me are you?

Unknown:

Nope!

Y/n:

Alright fair

Y/n changed your contact name to “ Nat💼”

Nat💼: 

why a briefcase?

Y/n: 

because you’re an FBI agent

Duh

Nat💼: 

I’m way cooler than an FBI agent

Y/n: 

fine, you’re so picky

Y/n changed your contact name to “Nat🔪”

Y/n: 

how’s that?

Nat🔪 changed your contact name to “Y/n🍦”

Nat🔪:

 it’s perfect.

Y/n🍦: 

Good

You check the time on your phone, the small numbers reading 11:30 PM as your eyes droop, usually you stayed up late on weekends but it really had been a long week and you were worn out. Although you were sad you couldn’t text Nat longer, whoever she was she seemed like someone you’d get along with in person. Sarcastic and witty were your type of person. And also just your type.

Y/n🍦:

Well it’s getting to be my bedtime

Nat🔪:

Five-year-old.

Y/n🍦: 

Shut up at least I’m not 40 years old like you

Nat🔪: 

True.

Y/n:

WAit- are you actually?

Nat:

I’m in my 20’s

Y/n🍦:

Oh

Well thank you for sharing but I’m still going to bed

Nat🔪:

How do you even sleep after watching stuff like that?

Y/n🍦:

Stuff like what?

Nat🔪:

Criminal minds

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, your fingers scrolling up and clicking on the picture you’d sent. There was a small corner of the tv in the photo, and the show could certainly be recognized by someone who’d seen it before but Nat claimed she’d never watched it. You shivered, maybe she really was an FBI agent.

Y/n🍦:

That’s really creepy

How’d you know?

Nat🔪:

I’m just good at stuff like that.

Y/n🍦:

FBI agent.

Nat🔪:

Five-Year-Old.

Y/n🍦:

Whatever!

Goodnight Nat!

Nat🔪: 

Goodnight Y/n

Sleep well

Pt.3

A/n: Do we like this format or the other one better? pls lmk ASAP so I can change one & continue uploading chapters!! thnx ~Starry

#marvel #women of marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha x y/n #natasha fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #Fluff Fic #marvel fluff #mcu fluff #upon-a-starry-night-writes #number neighbor story

[finnickfan8]

Blue Jeans

Pairing: Finnick x reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Reader is mentally ill so there’s mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts (if you squint)

Tonight had been particularly rough for you since Finnick had been called to appear at one of Snow’s parties, where women who wanted him were plentiful. There's thoughts that race through your head every time: "What if she's prettier?" "What if she's skinnier?" "What if her body is nicer" "What if she's more stable than me?" and they rip through you like a violent wave ravaging an already sinking ship. You start to shake and cry, trying to calm yourself down. Not even trying to distract yourself with TV is working now. Nothing but him works, he’s your sanctuary.

You feel bad when you talk to your friends about it because they say "Y/N we love you, if he ever leaves you have us." They don't understand. They can't understand how your entire existence depends on his moves. Admittedly, you love them but only his love matters when you’re like this. You know that even if he leaves and you survive the break up, you'll always be stuck in this cycle.

Dark thoughts of what you should do to prove your love and devotion to him start to play in your mind like a graphic horror movie. Your sobs grow louder and louder until you're flailing around the room. Your body bounces from floor to wall to sitting to the floor again, over and over until that door opens.

"Hey Sweetheart" He pauses as his smile drops at the sight before him; the love of his life piles on the floor in shambles, paper shredded up about her, and broken items everywhere. He extends his arm down to caress your back, as you’re clinging to his leg for dear life. "What went on here Honey?" You didn't dare to look back at him, ashamed of being like this. He pulls you up on the couch and lays you on top of him. Tears fall harder when you smell expensive perfume on him.

You didn't ask to be like this and he had to deal with it. This just made you sink deeper, sitting up to hit and scratch your face.

"Baby, breathe. Look at me." Finnick calmly says as he grabs your hands and holds them tightly but tenderly. "I just wanna know what happened, it will be okay"

"You're gonna leave me." You muttered somewhat resentfully as he gives a pain stricken look.

"What makes you think that I would leave the most gorgeous girl in the world?" he runs his thumb over your hands which are marked with the scars of lovers past.

"You're with them and they're probably prettier and better and richer and just-" You sigh in frustration because any girl he could find seems better than you.

"They're people who are willing to pay for what you get for free, they're desperate lowlifes and they're not you." His hands now move to your face, cupping it and running his thumb on to your cheeks. "They aren't the girl that sits and listens to me bitch about anything and everything." He smiles slightly and you giggle a little. "They don't make the best food in all of Panem. They don't 'make' me dress up and match with them. They don't and couldn't do half of what you do for me." he kisses you softly, but you're still unsure.

"Have you ever broken one of our pinky promises?" you trail off wondering if he'll keep the promise you want him to make next.

"I wouldn't say i've broken any, but i haven't fulfilled one." he pulls you into his chest and strokes your hair.

You felt some panic set in. "Which one is that?" You were scared this would be the moment that he leaves and you almost reverted back to your state that you were in 10 minutes ago. You started to slowly scratch at your hands in fear of what he would say.

"No." he holds your hands again. "I promised that I'd marry you, and I just haven't done that yet." He smiles at you and kisses your forehead. Instant relief fills you and you feel a rush of happiness submerge you and you're all joyful again. "There's my smiley girl!" Finnick embraces you tightly, greatful for that mood to be over. "How was your day, Baby?"

"Good! I hate cleaning, but I like doing things for you so it was okay and I cleaned the whole house." You were excited and hoping for his approval which he gladly gives you.

“I’m so proud of you, pretty girl.” He’s letting you continue, listening intently.

You start to blush, but know you should keep talking. "Then I organized your shells by size and color, and I put the wilted petals of the flowers you gave me last week in the box with the rest of the dead flowers.” He nods, it was his idea to have you use the dead flowers in your wedding. “Oh how rude of me, are you hungry?” This was the routine on nights that he was in the Capitol: he comes home; sometimes he comforts you, others you comfort him; you fix him a plate while he takes his Capitol-scented clothes off; then the two of you cuddle.

“No Baby, it’s okay, I’m alright. Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?” Finnick always makes sure that you eat and drink lots of water. You nodded and noticed him fumbling with his buttons, giggling you ask, “Need help pretty boy?” You start to help him take his shirt off, noticing little scratches, bruises, and a hickey. You gag a little at the thought, getting up to go grab your medical kit and a frozen whisk.

You start to clean the cuts, bandaging each one before promptly placing a kiss on each one. “You know you don’t have to do all of this.” Finnick starts trying to massage his neck with the whisk.

“No, but you took care of me now i’ll take care of you.” You grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a more chaste and passionate kiss. “This is what we do, we care for each other.” You finish up with bandaging him up and he pulls you down to lay on his chest.

“Never leave me.” He softly whispers in to the bend of your neck, leaving you shocked. You know that if one of you leaves it will be him, but that’s scary to think about.

“I won’t baby.” you smile down at the perfectly bronzed boy on top of you, the light hitting his naturally highlighted hair in a way that made him seem golden.

He sticks out his pinky, “promise me.”

You stick out yours in return and lock them together, “Promise.”

#mockingjay #finnick x reader #hunger games finnick #the hunger games #thg finnick #thg series #thg #thg fanfiction #finnick #finnick x you #finnick x y/n #finnick odair #finnick imagine #hunger games

[devotion-that-corrupts]

Some rambles on the ending and the codependent nature of Constantin and De Sardet's relationships. Spoilers for the whole game under the cut.

When I played Greedfall for the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about Constantin’s corruption arc. It didn’t really make sense to me. Why would he want absolute power over the island? He has plenty of power and probably lives quite a luxurious life already. He also says he finds politics boring if De Sardet asks him, so the desire to rule over the whole island full of people seemed to me very out of character.

I do understand that he went mad and everything, but my brain deemed it a boring explanation and kept searching for something more logical.

So here: I think his actions make more sense if they're driven not by greed but by jealousy, less hunger for power and more hunger for absolute love (either platonic or romantic).

Let me explain.

His family is all kinds of messed up. He thinks his father doesn’t care about him, and although we don’t know if he’s actually abusive, I can’t think of any good reason why Constantin would lie about this. His mother, if DLC is to be believed, is responsible for the death of his brother Laurent — Constantin being an heir is clearly more important to her than his wellbeing & mental health after the literal murder of his brother. We don’t know much about Laurent and Constantin’s relationship (although he doesn’t ever mention him & he says nobody cared for him but De Sardet, so maybe it wasn’t good? Maybe Laurent was better suited for politics? That would explain Prince d’Orsay’s disappointment. That’s just my theory though).

Anyway, what I’m saying is that a child needs unconditional love, and judging by this family and Constantin’s line “You've always been the only one to care for me. Our friendship is the only thing that matters to me”, he has only ever received love from De Sardet, which sounds like quite a fertile ground for unhealthy overly attached relationship.

Then the game starts, and the thing is… Well, they are not each other’s everything anymore. De Sardet goes to various cities & talks to every person imaginable & makes new friends, maybe even falls in love. Constantin meanwhile is chained to a palace, especially after his sickness is revealed. De Sardet's world grows beyond him, and he can’t follow them there.

So what do you do when the only person who matters to you grows apart from you? What do you do when you are driven mad with pain and may die alone, and they have to leave you?

Naturally, you find a way to bind them to you for all eternity, and in doing so alienate them from everyone but you. Constantin's smart enough to realize that if De Sardet's friends and allies fought against him, they would turn away if De Sardet joined him. But even if they wouldn't, they're mortal. Their death is inevitable. The only one who can keep De Sardet company for eternity is Constantin. Everyone but him will eventually leave.

That’s why “For you, for us”, that’s why “together, forever”. Not power over the island or some people, but power to keep the only person who loves him unconditionally close to him.

(Again, I acknowledge that this is extremely, extremely unhealthy. That’s exactly what makes their relationship so interesting.)

Anyway, as I said, it feels very in character for him to basically give up on humanity in favor of De Sardet. I can't look at him in the beginning or in the middle and say, “This character would do anything for power”. But I can look at him at any point of the game, any cutscene, and say, “This character would do anything for his loved one”.

#*throws this into a nearly dead fandom and runs away* #they are NEVER beating the codependency allegations btw #greedfall #greedfall spoilers #greedfall meta #does it even count as meta? idk #constantin d'orsay #de sardet #constantin & de sardet #constantin x de sardet #jay talks

[neonscandal]

Okay, if you were asked who are in JJK & BNHA that you can see based on canon that are gay/bi/pan/demi, which characters are they?

For me satoaugu and bakudeku are definitely not straight (yes, I ship them but I don't think they "must be into women only" like a post I just saw). Also, kaminari, jirou, toga, nobara, megumi, kenjaku....

Ah yes, a person with discerning tastes. ✨ While this feels like a sure fire way to get me into some hot water, let's dive right in.

✨🌈 Happy pride to the queer people in my phone 🌈✨

But especially these

Megumi "Only Interested in Compassion" Fushiguro - pansexual (very much choosing to overlook very subtle implications of siscon as a red herring to, of course, further contextualize ItaFushi). See also Gojo and the uncharacteristic Miwa agenda.

Satoru Gojo - Let's be so for real. Man is down astronomical for Suguru but I think there's still evidence/reason to believe he could be ace or demisexual. Can strength be conflated with love?

Kinji Hakari - waving the white flag on this one considering I'm 4 weeks behind and I don't know if there's been further clarification that might swing this verdict one way or another but support Hikari's love regardless of Kirara's gender expression/identity. Also, given current events, it'd be pretty weird if Gege slipped that in out of nowhere.

Kenjaku - 🗣️ IF GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, DO WE NOT ALL BECOME A LIL GAY!? I understand straight people probably don't have such realizations so I'm just going to sit with that reflection.

Nobara Kugisaki - be so for real. I think she had a misplaced crush in her idolization of Saori that made more sense when she left the bumble fuck countryside and could live her best life, out and proud with her muscle mommy girlfriend, Maki. Also explains, a bit, why Saori was ostracized where Nobara may have lacked understanding/context.

Maki - Plenty of gay icons without last names, queen. This one just happens to also be gay.

Eijirou Kirishima is almost so straight that he unintentionally makes a hard U-turn into flirting with queerness. His phrasing is baffling as he tends to pop up in those threads frequently with assumingly unintended innuendos but it is also reminiscent about how no one third wheels harder than a dude's girlfriend when he's with his best friend? I don't know if that makes sense but I'm throwing him in the mix as someone who maybe just needs some time ✨ regardless of the BakuDeku to KiriMina parallels.

Denki Kaminari - This kid has eyes and he uses them, gender be damned. A bi-disaster if I've ever seen one.

Minoru Mineta - IDK if his Deku confession was a translation faux pas or if Mineta, too, has fallen for the male lead's quintessential charm that wins over hearts and minds. While the Council on Bisexuality would fight me on this one... his membership is still pending.

Izuku Midoriya - I have it on good authority that Izuku is Bakusexual. Flustered by girls in the same way that any awkward and bullied kid might when encountering the opposite sex but his heart has always had its allegiance to one person. Whether that makes him gay, demi or even bi, I think it tracks.

Katsuki Bakugo - bi, pan or gay, the consensus is he is Not Straight.

Kyoka Jiro - in Smash, Jiro is a total fujoshi (she just like us fr). If you'll allow submitting MHA Smash into evidence, coupled with the canon main story, I say bi. A girl who knows Momo is stacked but also reasonably wants the attention and company of a Class 1A boy as a girl would at that age.

Himiko Toga - one thing about Toga. She is going to know and live her truth. Confidently bi ✨

Ochaco Uraraka - SPEAKING OF LIVING TRUTHS. She a little late but she has the right spirit.

Bonus, if including Kirishima didn't some how get me booed, I was going to add Yuta Okkotsu too but I thought better of it. 👉🏾👈🏾

#neon asks #anon asks #pride month #i was going to add yuta but i didnt want to be tomatoed 🍅🍅 #lgbt anime #lgbt manga #lgbt representation #anime #manga #jjk #mha #bnha #jujutsu kaisen #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #class 1a #ochaco uraraka #himiko toga #kyoka jiro #katsuki bakugo #izuku midoriya #minoru mineta #denki kaminari #maki zenin #nobara kugisaki #kenjaku #kinji hakari #satoru gojo #megumi fushiguro #megumi zenin

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Bitch, you just tried to strangle your daughter. What maternal instinct?

And the only reason you took your son when you abandoned her was because you thought you could get more money for him.

***

OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD 🤬🤬

THIS REPULSIVE PETTY PIECE OF SHIT WASTE OF AIR!!

Seriously, I despise him more than Manniang!

My guy, quit while you're ahead! You lost the girl because you were spineless. Get over it and stop embarrassing yourself! 🤬🤬

***

LMAO, what else is he supposed to do?

Let's say it's been four or five years since Manniang ran off. This child was two at most at the time. He would be six or seven now. What are you talking about? That is still a whole baby!

I love (and by love, I mean hate) how disposable children are in this society unless they are sons anchoring their mother's position in their respective households.

***

Oh, shut the fuck up, you bitter, pathetic loser.

***

Drag him, Tingye!

I am so sick and tired of his bullshit.

***

NOOOO, BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, HE IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

OF COURSE, MINGLAN WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL RETIREMENT FOR HIM TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND SUFFER ALL KINDS OF INDIGNITIES IN THE MEANTIME!

HOW DARE SHE NOT BUILD A SHRINE TO HIS ESTEEMED PERSON AND PUT HER ENTIRE LIFE ON HOLD SO THAT HE CAN FEEL IMPORTANT?

With all that said, this actor is beyond fantastic, I can see why people are obsessed with him. I hope to watch him in a more sympathetic role next time.

***

LMAO, look at the pot calling the kettle black 🤣🤣

I cannot with this loser of a man.

***

If he had not been born rich, he would have been the founding father of the incel movement, blaming every man with even a semblance of a spine on his inability to fuck.

***

Oh, sure, it was for the government 🙄🙄

Your jealousy is palpable. You can't even convince yourself.

***

LMAO, what the fuck.

This is a dead child you're talking about! Your child! And you are mad you cannot get money and status because of him?

***

She's right, though, she did make the biggest fool out of him.

***

Good for you for slapping her, Minglan!

I've been waiting for someone to do it for ages now.

In fact, so many people in this drama deserve slapping. It's about time you got started on that.

***

Aww, he found his dead baby 😢

***

Wait, that's all?

THAT'S ALL??

WE DO NOT EVEN GET A BEHEADING 😭😭

Not only does her sorry ass not get punished in any way, he will continue to provide for her for the rest of her life. Sure, she will not be living in a manor in luxury as his wife, but she will have a roof over he head and food to eat, plus he will have to employ people in the middle of nowhere to make sure she doesn't go causing trouble again.

She should be in prison instead. Or in some hard labour colony, which I'm sure there are plenty of in Song Dynasty China. OR BEHEADED!!

And what about his maternal Bai relatives? Do they at least get arrested/exiled/beheaded? They have been REPEATEDLY trying to kill him for YEARS!

I am very disappointed with this resolution.

***

Well, I am glad this is over.

Honestly, as far as I am concerned, this whole Manniang subplot has been a huge blight on this otherwise excellent show and a black stain on Gu Tingye as a character. Big thanks to @ruizhi for filling me in on the details from the novel so that I can understand the writing decisions here better. Obviously, I realise that I am in the minority for disliking these decisions (and Gu Tingye as a character) because from what I have seen, he is a firm favourite among the people who watched this drama and everyone is on board with this sanitised version of his character arc.

I have to be honest, if they had kept his harem from the novel, I probably would not have touched this with a ten-foot pole, because I freely admit that I watch c-dramas for the pretty people and idealised romance. I also know that this would have made Gu Tingye more realistic and thus harder to project on, which is ironic because my complaints here are the lack of realism and easy ways out since they decided to include his other women in the drama too. Harem stories depress and infuriate me and I do not watch them unless there are very compelling reasons for me to pick them up, so out of a couple of hundred dramas on my to-watch list, this one would probably not have made it to the top if it had been closer to the source material.

Even as it is, all this is precisely why I put off watching Minglan for the longest time. I knew it had polygamy at its core and this made me disinclined to start it, even though it was warmly recommended by many people in whose good taste I trust. I eventually only started watching because a c-drama friend of mine told me that there is no harem here and that Minglan and Tingye were monogamous and ride-or-die for each other, so Manniang showing up early on was an extremely nasty surprise.

With that said, now that I am here already and very invested in this story, I've long since come to terms with the fact that romance is not the main focus of this show and adjusted my expectations. I am really enjoying it for what it is, which is a family drama focused on women's struggle and suffering in this hell system that they must learn to navigate or die destitute, which is why I am especially irked by this cheap trickery they are employing to make Gu Tingye's and Minglan's relationship more "clean" than it actually is. You cannot have it both ways. Either these characters are realistic people of their time or they are not. Either you are sticking to the book version of them in the adaptation or you are not. But these cake-eating writers (as in wanting their cake and eating it too) definitely tried to get away with both and ended up with huge inconsistencies in their story that irritated me enough to sit down and write this entire screed.

Like I said in my comments on my previous Minglan post, this is the exact thing that made TTEOTM unwatchable for me and landed it on the list of the worst dramas I ever subjected myself to, despite my unceasing obsession with Luo Yunxi. Obviously, I am feeling this on a lesser level with Gu Tingye, because overall, the writing of Minglan committed fewer crimes than TTEOM and remains solid on all other fronts, so I am still invested in the story overall, him as a character and him and Minglan as a couple, but the writers here are just as much cake eaters as the writers on TTEOTM. They looked at this bad boy who worked for a story in another medium precisely because he was morally compromised in some way, wanted that for themselves, but then could not or would not follow through, either because they feared they would alienate a big portion of their audience, or because the Chinese censorship board wouldn't let them get away with it. Then they did this ridiculous thing where they tried going, "Yeah, he's bad, but he's not really! He was set up! It was a misunderstanding!" And ended up blowing a giant hole in their whole story.

If they didn't want to explore Gu Tingye as a man of his time making the same selfish decisions as other men of that time, then they should not have had him acting like one. They should have had a logical and consistent reason why he didn't keep mistresses and concubines (such as, idk, seeing his mother suffer or something) and not introduce Manniang in the first place. What was the point of her in the plotline if we were not going to see him and Minglan make the hard decisions, either to treat his illegitimate offspring as lower-class citizens so that her biological kids could be afforded all the privileges of their rank (which would obviously not sit right with the modern audience), or go with the modern moral code that the show wants them to have and deny Minglan's bio kids by treating all the children equally (which could have been done legally if Minglan was to adopt them, but of course, she was never going to do that)? If you never intended to go there, then why bring in Manniang and her kids in the first place?

In my opinion, if they wanted Gu Tingye untarnished in this way and his love with Minglan unburdened with the baggage of other women and stepkids, they should never have kept Manniang in the adaptation. Once they brought her in, there was no stuffing that genie back into the bottle. The shadow of book!Tingye has been around since the adult actors took over and it is not even the non-monogamy that is an issue for me now, but the character inconsistency and the extremely cheap sleight of hand that they pulled in an attempt to smooth it over.

Here is the thing. Every time I start on a story, be it a book, movie, drama, or whatever, there is a certain premise that it promises to fulfil, which comes with the expectations and limitations of the genre. I adjust my standards accordingly, so if I sit down to watch a fluffy romcom with a young, naive intern falling in love with the son of CEO, then I will judge it on how funny it is and whether the main couple is hot enough and has enough chemistry to keep me invested till the end. I am not going to be particularly worried about the power imbalance and the IRL implications of such a setup, my main concern will be if the main couple look like they are having good enough sex and if I can shoehorn my own escapist fantasy into that dynamic. However, if I start a show that deals with misogyny, patriarchy and sexual harassment of women in the workplace, then you cannot dump the privileged son of the CEO into a relationship with the main heroine and expect me to root for it, unless he is right there beside her, taking his father to court for abuse of power and dismantling the system from within. This is, IMO, what this drama failed to do with Gu Tingye. You cannot promise me a Xiao Qi and deliver a Sheng Hong with the serial numbers filed off.

Based on what I've heard and read about the original novel, book!Tingye is not that much better than Sheng Hong. He had multiple women and illegitimate children that he was playing favourites with based on their birth and rank. He sabotaged his older son and indirectly caused his death so that Minglan's children would not have competition. His daughter by Manniang was just as traumatised as Minglan. He had concubines, who were also technically wives with no way out of a hell marriage, whom he then discarded when it was convenient for him. The only reason this marriage was a victory for Minglan is that she was now the favoured wife with the highest rank, thus her circumstances in life dramatically improved. I understand why they didn't want to portray this to a wider audience, and that doing so would have seriously dented Feng Shaofeng's reputation as a heartthrob in the c-ent industry, but then they shouldn't have opened that can of worms to begin with.

I feel like they should have cut the Manniang storyline completely if they weren't going to do it properly, or, idk, had her go off the deep end much earlier and kill her kids off before he got with Minglan. That could have been used as a catalyst for his change, having him go, "That's it! No more mistresses and concubines for me!" Then we could have seen the rest of it play out as it did (minus Manniang) with a REASON, with his family pressuring him to take in a wife and concubines, him saying no, then falling in love with Minglan and moving on from there naturally and giving us a clean, idealised romance that is not typical for their time.

However, once they brought in Manniang but did not bring in all the nasty stuff implied with him having a kept woman and illegitimate children, they shot themselves in the foot because now Gu Tingye's character was in conflict with the story's internal logic. We have seen how this world functions, we have seen how concubines and the children of concubines are treated. Naturally, once they introduced Manniang and her kids (but especially her son), we were expecting to see exactly what happened in the novel, because this is the premise of the story and the laws by which the world it is set in is governed. The fact that this didn't happen did not make me sigh in relief and think of Gu Tingye as a good guy, it made me question why the story never went there. The cowardly shortcuts out of this predicament and the cheap trickery the writers used to avoid it made me feel like the story was "lying" to me, which is maybe a ridiculous word to use because this whole thing is fiction and therefore a lie. But I could no longer suspend my disbelief, immerse myself in the narrative and root for these characters. Suddenly, they felt fake.

Also, I feel downright insulted by these writing choices.

"Yeah, Gu Tingye had another woman but that's OK because she was actually evil so she doesn't count and he was right to abandon her and have his true romance with Minglan! 😀"

"Yeah, he had a son that he would have had to have been grossly unfair to or not have Minglan's kids get the full extent of their privilege of rank, but that's OK, because the kid just conveniently died! 😀"

"Yeah, his daughter should be traumatised in a hundred different ways from having such a biological mother and dealing with the inferiority complex from growing up right next to Minglan's legitimate children and knowing that in the eyes of society and her own father, she is lesser than them, but don't worry, that's OK, because we are making her suuuuuuuper well adjusted! 😀"

"Yeah, if Chang'er had lived, the audience would have been forced to confront the fact that Gu Tingye was very much a man of his time and that Minglan was also no benevolent saint and that they would have treated children that are not biologically hers as second-class citizens, just like Sheng Hong and Wang Ruofu did in the Sheng household! But that's OK, we'll just kill his illegitimate firstborn son so that you don't have to think about that! 😀"

As a character, Gu Tingye feels so disingenuous because of these shortcuts the writers took to scapegoat Manniang and absolve him of the consequences of being just like the other men in this drama. Would he have been an idealised c-drama hero that girls could pin their fantasies on if they had kept his novel characterisation? Absolutely not. They made him more attractive and palatable to a wider, modern, likely younger-leaning audience at the cost of the story's internal logic, plot coherency and character consistency, and that, for me, is a much bigger writing crime than him having a harem and treating his illegitimate children as lesser-than.

Again, this is an adaptation and nobody put a gun to their heads and forced them to include Manniang. If they had wanted Gu Tingye untarnished and idealised, they should have handled her differently. They cannot have it both ways.

With that said, I realise that I am in the minority here because most viewers were obviously very happy to let this slide (just like they were with TTEOTM). Again, most viewers will not agree with me on Gu Tingye because he is obviously a favourite ML for many, but for me personally, the overall drama loses lots of points on him, especially because of Manniang.

In any case, there are still more than twenty episodes left here for me, so onwards and forward to better plot points and character arcs! 😅

#the story of minglan #tsoml spoilers #tsoml ep51

[sebstan2020]

New World Order

Chapter 8

Summary: In this world you were one of three things. A submissive, a switch or a dominant. The state of New York was run by council members, Steve Rogers, James Barnes and Tony Stark, leading the world run by rules and laws ensuring everything was in its rightful place. Violet had been a submissive her whole life. but when a chance arises to add control and freedom into her life, she takes a risk and embarks on a wild ride.

Warnings: Violence, Dystopian themes, Submissive, Switch, Dominant, BDSM, Drug Use, Control, Dark Themes, Slavery, Prisoners, Power Dynamics, Alternative Universe, Sadistic Themes

The door shut, and Natasha finally relaxed. All night, she was tense and wasn’t going to release it until the three of them had left. Peter didn’t count because he was only an apprentice, but the council members sure knew how to make one feel intimidated. Natasha stormed into the kitchen where Violet was, washing the dishes, and she snatched the tee towel from the side and began drying. She didn't say a word to Violet and kept a scowl on her face while she dried. Violet looked over to her and instantly knew she was pissed.

"Oh, come on, you can't still be mad at me,” she said, and Natasha answered with an annoyed grunt.

"Yes, I’m mad at you... Why the hell would you think it’s a good idea to say you’re a switch to the council members when you’re a submissive?” She snapped, and Violet rolled her eyes.

“Maybe because I am one,” she answered back.

"I can’t believe this... You don’t get how serious this could be for you if they find out.".

"Well, they won’t find out, Tash... Besides, the drugs have settled in now; I display all the signs of a switch; they won’t even know,” Violet groaned.

“They aren’t just any people, Violet; they know when someone is lying... If they find out you took illegal classification-changing drugs, they will send you to that facility, and let me tell you, James is not someone to mess with. He won’t care that you’re my sister; he will do whatever he likes to change you back to a submissive, and I’ve heard some rotten things that go on in there.”.

“Thanks for trying to scare me,” Violet huffed, shaking her head and returning to the washing.

"Well, you should be... And now they want you to work for them. Do you really think that’s a good idea?”.

"Look, I haven't had a decent job for ages; this might be the only chance I get; besides, submissives never get a good job, so maybe it’s for the better that I’m a switch.”.

"What are you talking about? There are plenty of good jobs out there for submissives," Natasha argued.

“Like what?” She wasn’t wrong; there was no way a submissive could have any sort of hierarchy job like a CEO or lawyer, something that fit a dominant personality more than hers. Her sweet personality only allowed her jobs that meant hard work and barely any money.

"Besides, it's not like I’m going to be their PA or something; I’ll probably be working in the storeroom or something. and if you’re there, you can keep an eye on me.” She rolled her eyes at that thought, even though it was probably a good thing. At least Natasha could make sure she didn’t do anything else that was stupid and cause her to spill the beans on her illegal doings. There was a tense silence between them, and Natasha sighed, throwing the tee towel on the side and padding over to her sister.

"Look, you’re my baby sister, and it’s my job to look after you. I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you; I just wish you would have told me about all this first.”.

"Why, so you could change my mind?” Violet sassed back.

“No, so I could help you. I didn’t realise this was something that really bugged you,” Natasha said softly, and Violet relaxed, letting out a soft sigh through her nose. It was something that bugged her, and she never expected Natasha to understand. But maybe talking to her before hand would have helped.

"Look, you don’t understand what being a submissive is like, and trying to find a Dom that isn’t just a lazy, controlling freak is hard. I dare say I was jealous of you and your life,” she scoffed, and Natasha smirked.

“But maybe I should have spoken to you first,” she admitted, and Natasha pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly. Violet settled into her arms and smiled softly. Natasha was a hard cookie, but when it came to her sister, the softer side of her came out.

"Okay, but listen, when we are at work, you need to listen to me and do what I say because if you even slip up once, they will arrest you at the first signs," Natasha warned, poking a hard finger at Violet, who rolled her eyes.

"Yes, okay, I'll listen to you," she groaned, returning to the dishes. Violet would be lying if she said she wasn't a little nervous now. It was going to be hard not to mention anything about being submissive. She just hoped that she wouldn't be in the presence of the council members all day.

Correctional Facility, Brooklyn

The quiet sobs and whimpers echoed in the large room, bouncing off the walls. The deadly click of dress shoes on the cold stone floor made her heart beat faster. The clink of chains rattling against each other as she gripped onto the cuffs around her ankles and wrists, suspending her high above the ground, showed how much fear she had inside. how long she had been like this, she wasn't sure, but her arms were starting to ache and her neck was straining to lift her head up as it fell backwards.

Leila. She was only a young girl. pretty blonde hair with dazzling blue eyes and perky lips. a submissive by birth, but for the last six months she has been dominant. Curtosy of some classification-changing drugs she brought from the black market. The dealer gave her a good deal for three pills, and she and two others decided they were done with the submissive life. She wanted control, to be in charge, and to have that fiery spark in her.

After the first month of paranioa, she finally realised she had gotten away with it and lived her life as if she hadn't broken the law. but only a few weeks ago did that all change. It started off with a date with this boy she met at a bar—a submissive lad with dark hair; he looked to be young himself. A few drinks down, and she let her hair loose. She decided to bring him back to her place for some more fun, but it was unknown to her that the boy she brought back was an undercover agent for the council. It only took ten minutes in her house for him to realise she was really submissive and that she had changed her classification to dominant.

Seconds later, she was in handcuffs and brought straight to the correctional facility. And that's how she ended up like this. The first week was okay. The process of being admitted to the correctional facility was simple. A doctor administers a drug to remove the classification-changing drugs from their system, and they are given a pair of white clothes consisting of a t-shirt and white pants with sneakers, much like a prison. 

Each inmate is given their own cell, consisting of a small room with a bed, a window, a table, and a bathroom. It's much nicer than a prison, but more like an asylum, only cleaner and brighter. But it's not all cushty. A contract is given stating that once admitted, you are under the care of the correctional facility until deemed fit to enter the city, and you only leave once you are fully turned back to your birth classification.

Once signed, you're no longer in control. That's when training begins.

Leila had not expected her training to be under the supervision of James Barnes himself. It wasn't unknown that James got himself involved with inmates and their training, and it was rumoured he only took on the ones he wanted to suffer or would enjoy retraining himself.

So here she was, suspended in the middle of the room, her ankles and wrists chained to a ring hanging from a chain, with not an inch of clothing on her. Her long blonde hair dangled, and small beads of sweat dripped from her temples. A single tear ran down her cheek and dripped to the floor, leaving a tiny puddle of water.

The click of a cabinet opening caught Leila's attention, and she lifted her head as much as possible, looking down the gap between her legs. There he was, his back towards her, his tall frame covering whatever he was retreiving from the cabinet, most likely some torture device or implement. A soft whimper escaped, and she dropped her head from the strain of having to hold it up.

James turned, a smirk on his face and a hum in his voice as he slowly padded over, the long riding crop gripped gently by his hand at his side. His all-black suit added to the darkness around him.

"Tell me, Leila, why did you think you could get away with illegally changing your classification?" He spoke softly in a tone that was patronising and dominating. Leila swallowed hard, not sure what to answer with.

"I don't know," she whimpered.

"You do know that's a serious crime, don't you?" He asked, narrowing his eyes as he circled around her, the whip coming into her eyeline, and she tensed up, the chains slightly rattling.

"Yes," she answered. She was now wishing she had never done it in the first place. It was all well and good when she was getting away with it, and now she was here, having to endure whatever kind of training this was.

"You're a submissive, not a dominant, not a switch, a submissive. You were born a submissive and will remain a submissive for the rest of your life, and until I see that you are fit to remain in society, you will be under my supervision. Do I make myself clear?" James stopped at her head, staring down at her, and Leila swallowed again.

"Yes," she murmured, and a sharp slap to her thigh made her jolt and squrim in the chains. The slap echoed in the room, loud and vicious.

"Yes, what?" he ordered.

"Yes, sir," she answered with a whimper, and a smirk appeared on his lips. He slowly leaned down, his face inches from hers, his dark eyes staring into hers.

"Because you do know, I can easily have you entered into slavery. You don't want that, do you?" He whispered, and she shook her head fast.

"No," she squeaked. Never had she been more scared in her life. She was at the mercy of James Barnes and the rumours of which his sadistic methods were true.

"Good girl, first things first, a submissive will always address their dominant by sir or mistress if you have a female dominant. You will only address me as Sir, or you will be punished. Do I make myself clear?" he said as he started walking around her again.

"Yes, sir," she squeaked, and James smirked.

"Good, we'll get started then."

Hey I hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments

@pattiemac1

@hazzapottaher

@blackwood-bodecker-housewife

@charmed-asylum

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #sebastian stan smut #bucky barnes fanficiton #bucky barnes smut #the winter soldier #dom bucky barnes #steve rogers fanficiton #Steve rogers #Tony stark #dom tony stark

[morgana96]

Trying to Debunk Things the FFXIV Fandom Keeps Making Up About Lyse Hext

(Warning: Stormblood MSQ Spoilers Under the Cut)

I’ve been playing FFXIV for a few years now. It was my first time every playing a Final Fantasy game, and I was nervous I wouldn’t be any good at it. But FFXIV has been a huge comfort and highlight in my life. It’s gotten me through some very tough times and has really inspired me creatively. Not to mention I've met some really great people through the game, and that the community has so many nice and talented people.

But just like any other fandom, things are far from always perfect. There are fans who engage in offensive and gross behavior, fans who are toxic about how to best play - there are plenty of issues this fandom has that most of us are already aware of. But one thing that I think about a lot - although it's far from the only thing - is the strange amount of malice certain fans display when talking about the character Lyse Hext.

I couldn't understand for the longest time why some players hated Lyse so much. Personally, I enjoyed Stormblood, and I like her character. I enjoyed seeing her learn to step out of her sister's shadow and start to become her own person, and I consider her to be one of many characters who my WoL happily considers a good friend.

So it baffled me that people hated her so intensely. I get that not every character clicks with everyone, and that people have varied tastes. But the absolute vitriol some people treat her with has always confused me. That is, until I eventually realized what part of the problem is.

You see, I'm convinced that a good number of Lyse haters weren’t paying thorough attention to Stormblood’s plot. That, or they’ve simply forgotten certain details with time. Because most of the things they accuse her of or site as reasons for their hatred LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED IN THE GAME.

There are so many accusations I've seen thrown around about her, and nearly all of them are something taken out of context, misremembered, or just straight up made up.

So what I want to do is go over some of the biggest accusations this fandom has perpetuated about Lyse and debunk those that are untrue or based on misunderstanding.

People who've followed me for a while probably know I used to do this all the time back in my Naruto fandom days. I’ve seen some really wild takes from that fandom, and still do occasionally even though the original manga ended nearly a decade ago.

But while I had to wade through a lot of nonsense back then, I really enjoy breaking down stories and characters in order to prove my perspectives. So I’d like to get back into it (especially since I’ve been struggling with focus issues, and this gives me interesting subjects to focus on!)

So let's get started:

“Yda was better than Lyse.”

Let's get something straight right of the bat. The “Yda” these players claim is “better”? That person's not real.

In the game’s timeline, the original 1.0 takes place in 1572, and the true Yda died in 1571. In other words, the “Yda” with Papalymo in 1.0 is Lyse. Apparently, legacy WoLs do encounter the real Yda via Echo visions from before 1.0, but the “Yda” they are with during 1.0 and beyond has always been Lyse. (I am not a legacy/1.0 player, so I'm using resources like the lore books and short stories to get this information.)

So what this means is that unless you are a legacy WoL, you never even knew or saw anything of the real Yda. It was always Lyse.

Everyone in the Circle of Knowing already knew this. Remember, it was Papalymo who asked them not to say anything; he recognized it as a coping mechanism for Yda's death, and he wanted Lyse to figure out for herself that she should not hide herself in her sister's shadow and legacy.

And deep down, Lyse had a feeling the others knew. She just didn't voice this, which is described as her “deciding not to know” that they knew. She even admits that she wasn't trying to truly “become” Yda, so it’s unlikely that she was really changing her personality all that much from what it usually is.

So I can't help but be annoyed when people insist they “liked Yda better”. Not only because I don't think Lyse's personality changed much from when she was “Yda”, but also because people who make this claim fail to see how ridiculous they sound.

The lie was a better character?

You see Lyse’s grief response to losing her older sister as a better character?

You hate that Lyse finally chose to let Yda go and try to become her own person? And preferred the lie?

What a weird hill to die on.

“Lyse didn’t do anything for the Resistance before my WoL showed up”

This is what I’m talking about when I say there are definitely players who just weren’t paying attention and instead make up whatever best fits their own biases.

Lyse and Papalymo were working with the Ala Mhigan Resistance since the end of A Realm Reborn. With a great deal of effort, Conrad managed to get them to Rhalgr’s Reach after the events of the Bloody Banquet, and the two of them pretty much spend the whole time after that working directly with Conrad’s faction of the Resistance until you finally manage to find them again towards the end of Heavensward and right before Stormblood begins

Lyse is not some stranger to them by the time your WoL crosses Baelsar’s Wall. By the time you get there, she’s already become close with Conrad, M’naago, and Meffrid. She’s already gone on countless dangerous missions with the Resistance and engaged directly in conflicts with imperials on their behalf. All of this is made clear in both the MSQ and the extra stories online.

I get so frustrated when blatant misinformation like this gets passed off as canon. How are you going to accurately criticize a character when you don’t even remember major parts of the story you’re criticizing? It makes no sense.

“Lyse stole the credit for saving Ala Mhigo from my WoL!!”

Yeah, no. She didn’t.

I’m not even going to pretend to humor this one. It doesn’t deserve it. It’s a lie. A straight up lie. It literally never happened.

But you know what the most annoying and sad thing about it is? This stupid claim is the exact opposite of how Lyse actually behaves throughout the game.

Lyse is seen regularly talking about how much she looks up to the WoL. She talks so much about how they inspire her, whether directly to them or to others when they’re not around. One of the biggest parts of her arc is getting over her fear of not living up to “true heroes”, including her family and the WoL. Hell, when people rightfully thank her for her efforts, she downplays it as simply doing the right thing and not something anyone needs to thank her for.

And when the WoL finally beats Zenos and Ala Mhigo finally becomes free, do you know what she says?

“You beat [Zenos], after all. You’re the real hero of this story. So run along and take your plaudits!”

How media illiterate does someone have to be to think that THIS is a character who’s “stealing credit”?

So no, Lyse Hext did not “steal credit” from your WoL. In fact, your WoL honestly just sounds like a delusional, self-important prick.

“Lyse didn't earn being the leader of Ala Mhigo/ the Resistance! It should have been Raubahn or M'naago!”

There are quite a few big issues with this one:

1 - Lyse is NOT the leader of Ala Mhigo, nor is she the leader of the entire Resistance.

Raubahn is.

Raubahn is Ala Mhigo's acting head of state. He's the one who is now the main head of the Resistance, which is the city-state's official military now that the Empire has lost control there.

I can’t even count how many people I’ve seen shouting about how “Raubahn should have been in charge!”, when he already IS in charge. And basically almost NO ONE ever fact checks anyone else on this.

These players are literally accusing Lyse of stealing a position she doesn’t have from a man who is, in fact, already in said position.

It’s wild.

2 - Lyse is currently the commander of the Resistance troops at Rhalgr’s Reach in the Fringes. That’s it.

The story makes it very clear that the Resistance was originally not headed by any one leader. There were multiple factions with different leaders, and they didn’t always get along and often had different perspectives on how best to free Ala Mhigo.

For instance, it was the Griffin specific faction of the Resistance, led by Ilberd, that attacked Baelsar's Wall. This branch of the Resistance was not affiliated with Conrad, and in fact, some of Conrad's group and fighters from other groups went to join the Griffin after being taken in by his words.

And because of the slaughter Ilberd purposely led those people into to summon Shinryu, many Ala Mhigans became wary of all factions of the Resistance for a time, even though they weren't necessarily affiliated with the Griffin’s faction.

The Resistance only recently began transitioning into an official military unit, rather that countless factions doing their own thing. Lyse is specifically in command of the group at Rhalgr’s Reach, because that was Conrad’s group. She’s NOT in charge of anyone else’s faction.

My guess as to the current chain of command is that the other factions are still being led by their respective leaders, and that since Raubahn now leads them as a whole, they (including Lyse) fall under his command and answer to him.

And as I said before, The Rhalgr’s Reach Resistance are not strangers to her, nor is she a stranger to them; she’s been working with and helping them since the end of ARR. It’s only because so many people refuse to acknowledge this that they’re convinced she’d done “nothing”, or that they somehow would see her as unfit.

3 - There are few things as universally annoying in fandom spaces than fans pitting women who are canon friends against each other. And unfortunately, this is exactly what I see happen most of the time with Lyse and M’naago.

Now unlike some of the other things I talk about in this post, I can at least understand some of the frustration regarding these two. After all, M’naago has been with the Resistance for a longer time.

But once again, this ends up tainted by people’s weird obsession with outright vilifying Lyse and everything she does. She’s not some evil schemer trying to usurp M’naago, and M’naago isn’t her bitter rival or victim. They are clearly very close - Lyse referring to her as “Naago” is a big deal in Seeker culture - and their stories on the lodestone makes it pretty clear to me that they care far more about each other and working to save their homeland than titles and mantles of leadership.

Honestly, I think a lot of people like to forget how much Lyse tried to reject becoming a leader. She was constantly comparing herself to others, and as a result, she considered herself unworthy of such a role and convinced herself it was something you needed a natural talent for. She was the one who insisted that being related to Curtis and Yda wasn’t enough to make her a good leader. It was only when she accepted her own limitations and imperfections that she finally accepted that role. She had to sort her own personal feelings out before she was ready to take on that responsibility.

One of the things I love about Lyse is that she’s a wonderfully flawed character; she has a lot of doubts, but she is trying her best to improve herself, instead of constantly wondering if she’s living up to someone else’s legacy. She’s not a Warrior of Light, or a decorated Archon. But she’s passionate, determined, and always willing to learn from others while she tries to become who she wants to be. In my eyes, that’s what Conrad’s talking about when he tells her she can become a leader. And regardless of what anyone else says, I enjoyed watching her start to come into her own.

“Lyse is a White Savior.”

This issue is much more complex than the other things I’ve brought up here. So I want to start out by making some things clear from the start.

As a black woman, I think one of the only well-founded criticisms regarding Lyse is her pale completion compared to her father Curtis, whose skin is much darker. Colorism is a serious and ongoing issue in entertainment media industries. It’s my belief that Lyse’s character design is a perfect example of that issue. And we as a fandom should absolutely acknowledge and criticize it.

However, I also disagree strongly with anyone who refers to Lyse as “a white savior”.

To provide some background information, “white savior” is a term connected to the long history of white people colonizing, oppressing, and denying agency to non-white people. Its concept originates from the racist ideology known as “The White Man's Burden” (named after a pro-imperialism poem), which falsely claims that white people are morally obligated to "save" people of color from themselves and their "savagery", thus justifying their colonization and cultural genocide. It’s also recognized as a common trope in media, where a white person - usually a white man displaced from white society - is made into the leader or liberator of a group of people of color, thus making said white person the focus of a story that doesn’t actually affect them the way it affects the marginalized.

There are two main reasons why I disagree with calling Lyse a white savior:

1 - Like I’ve already said, I 100% think Lyse’s character design is flawed. But something that’s very important to note here is that Ala Mhigo/Gyr Abania is not a homogeneous society some players seem to think it is.

Like a lot of the other regions in Eorzea, Gyr Abania has a diverse mixture of the world's fantasy races, including Hellsguard Roes, Seeker of the Sun Miqo'te, and both Highlander and Midlander Hyurs. But Gyr Abania is also not homogeneous when it comes to skin color. There are characters and NPCs throughout the Gyr Albania areas with varying skin tones. Some are fair, some are dark, and some are somewhere in between.

The problem with Lyse’s character design is that she’s suspiciously fair skinned despite being the daughter of a clearly dark-skinned man.

But what I tend to see people turn that into is “Lyse is too fair skinned to be Ala Mhigan”.

Fordola is fair skinned. M’hahtoa, M’naago’s mother, and several other members of the M Tribe are fair skinned. There are multiple NPCs across the Gyr Abanian maps that have fairer skin (some are named/can be spoken to, while others are unnamed/background NPCs).

I don’t think I’ve ever seen these characters brought up when people start talking about Ala Mhigan ethnicities. Maybe someone out there has and I simply missed it. But as far as I can remember, I’ve only seen Ala Mhigan skin tones brought up when someone is calling Lyse, and no one else, “too pale to be Ala Mhigan”. It doesn’t work to make this claim because Ala Mhigan is not a race; it's a nationality which is made up of multiple races, and those races seem to have varied skin tones based on what we see in the actual game.

Now remember, this is in no way a recant of my stance. I think Lyse should be closer in skin tone to her father. But the white savior label doesn’t work in this context because despite the problems with her design, Lyse is an Ala Mhigan refugee; not some random foreigner coming into Gyr Abania with no understanding of their history and plight. It’s not enough to claim she’s “too pale to be Ala Mhigan”, because Ala Mhigo/Gyr Abania isn’t homogeneous like that.

2 - When it comes to white saviorism, there’s a very specific privilege and ignorance that comes with it. The reason why it’s offensive is because it makes a white person the focus of a situation that they can’t and don’t truly understand. A story’s white savior - whether consciously or unconsciously - symbolizes white ego and narcissism. And frankly, I do not think that was ever the intention of Lyse’s story.

There’s a big difference between a white savior’s intrusion into a foreign country and a refugee returning to their homeland after many years. While only Lyse’s early years were spent in Ala Mhigo, she is not completely removed from it like people seem to think she is. It’s very clear she remembers her time there, and has clear memories of life with her father and sister.

She was only five when Yda got her out - right at the start of the Garlean occupation - and because of this, she initially doesn’t know how to convince other Ala Mhigans that the fight for their home is still worth it. Her love and hope for a better Ala Mhigo is mistaken for ignorance, because many have been so worn down by the loss and bloodshed that it’s considered suicide to fight back anymore.

Stormblood does a great job of showing how imperialism wears down its victims. The hopelessness felt by many in Ala Mhigo and Doma is the result of years of violence, abuse, and cruelty, and that’s exactly the imperials’ intention; an oppressor wants to break the will and spirit of the oppressed as much as they can, conditioning them to normalize their mistreatment in order to diminish threats to their control.

Characters like Fordola also help show how imperialists manipulate the oppressed to work against their own best interests. All of Fordola’s actions are driven by the misguided idea that working with the Empire would “free” Ala Mhigo. She was convinced that as long as she fought and killed for them, she’d eventually prove that Ala Mhigans are worthy of the Garleans’ respect. But that was never going to happen. It was a tactic to indoctrinate young Ala Mhigans and maintain the imperial status quo. And sadly, Fordola fell deep into that trap.

This is the real cause for Lyse’s initial disconnect. It’s not because of privilege or bias, or a lack of personal connection to Ala Mhigo. It’s founded on the fact that she simply hasn’t experienced the Empire’s relentless tyrannical tactics the same way those who remained in Gyr Abania have.

But this doesn’t mean she hasn’t dealt with loss and fear. Both her father and sister were killed by the Garleans. She’s experienced displacement and having to flee from your home to survive. She’s lost comrades and close friends while with the Scions. This isn’t some naive little girl who doesn’t know the pain that comes with battles and war.

The biggest challenge for the main cast of Stormblood wasn’t just physically fighting the Garleans. It was about a shared sense of pain and loss, and trying to break through the hopelessness the people of Ala Mhigo and Doma were feeling.

Lyse, the WoL, and the other characters aren’t doing what they do for glory. They’re not claiming to know better than the Ala Mhigans and Domans. They’re not trying to take their agency away. They’re trying to convince them to take back their own agency and futures from the Garleans. It’s about understanding their pain, their loss, and their fear, and trying to help them rediscover the strength to keep fighting for themselves. At least that’s what it was to me.

And speaking of the Garleans, it’s wild how I don’t see more people bring up their similarities to white saviorism.

So many Garleans refer to non-Garleans as “savages” and treat them as second class citizens in the provinces.

They insist that their societies and faiths are “primitive”, and that this justifies their invasions and conquests.

They outlaw cultural and religious practices and force their own practices in their place, all under the guise of “civilizing” conquered people and saving them from themselves.

They propagandize themselves as selfless heroes, and people like the WoL as the monstrous villains. “We’re simply trying to rescue these poor, deluded “savages” from themselves and their eikons. Why are you mad?”

And when people fight back and reject them, the Empire plays victim. Take Varis for instance; during that meeting with the Alliance, he targets the very valid issues the Eorzean nations have. But that’s not because he actually cares about fixing those problems; he’s literally just gaslighting them and trying to justify Garlemald’s false sense of supremacy.

It’s all right there. It’s literally a perfect fictional example of the racism, narcissism, and backwards logic of imperialism.

Yet somehow, I’ve see Lyse, an Ala Mhigan refugee, called a “white savior” more often than Garlean imperials.

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

~~~

Well, these are pretty much all the main accusations I’ve seen thrown at Lyse since I’ve started the game. If I think of anything else, or if someone gives me something else to look at, I will add on to this.

I don’t know if I’m changing any minds with this, or even if anyone even has the time or patience to read through this whole post. But it’s feels good to finally write out a lot of my thoughts on this subject after so long. I’d like to do this on more subjects relating to FFXIV, including ways I think certain parts of story could have been improved.

But that’s or another day. Thanks so much for reading ~

#Final Fantasy XIV #FFXIV #Lyse Hext #Character Discussion #Fandom Things #Long Post #like stupidly long lmao #if you make it through this congrats #this is the longest thing I've written in a long time #considering how much i struggle with focusing #this is a big achievement for me

[giantchasm]

So I've seen a lot of people posting their Kirby fankids recently...

And so I figured I should finally try and post some of mine! I've had them for a while now, but I've been too lazy to talk about them on Tumblr. Let's change that by making a post about my favorite out of all of them... my special little princess... my beautiful skrunkly.

Everyone, I'd like you to meet Peony!

She is, of course, my Taransusie fankid. She came into existence because I was playing Tomodachi Life and I got attached Taranza offhandedly mentioned that it would be nice to have a family one day and Susie just kind of nodded along but her internal reaction was a strong 'ABSOLUTELY NOT.'

This reaction... unnerved her, to say the least. She didn't understand why she felt so strongly about this. It's not that she didn't like kids. She liked Kirby plenty! And so why...?

Oh stars, it had to do with her dad, didn't it?

Her own unfulfilled childhood. Her resentment for her father. A fear that inevitably she'd fail as a parent in the same exact ways he did.

Realizing this was what was holding her back, Susie proceeded to get extremely angry. Why the hell was her dad still influencing the decisions she was making? He was long gone! She wouldn't let him make her hesitant or boss her around. She wasn't afraid. She could do WAY better than him. In fact, she would make a great mom! She'd show him.

The next thing she knew she was holding a baby she'd grown in a test tube.

Susie pretty much immediately realized she fucked up the minute this thing started moving. She didn't have anything to take care of her. Not even a blanket to bundle her in. What was she THINKING? Did she seriously make a living being out of spite? Maybe that would have been acceptable during her ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll do whatever evil thing I want’ era. But now? It was pretty apparent she made a mistake that she couldn’t take back.

Thankfully Taranza was… mostly understanding? I mean, he was surprised, of course, and he had to be like “SUSIE. Never do something like this again. ESPECIALLY without talking to me about it,” but when she explained he understood why she reacted the way that she did. Plus, as unexpected as this all was, he pretty much instantly fell in love with little Peony.

Which is to say nowadays they’re a pretty happy family! Peony is 8ish and things are going great. That is… except for one teensy, weensy, SLIGHT problem.

There was an incident wherein Peony almost died, and following it, she’s started seeing ghosts. This would be alarming under ANY circumstances, but with her family especially?

…Hoo boy.

Further explanation under the cut, since this is long enough as is

First of all, I figure I should probably explain the circumstances of Peony’s near-death experience. It was all sort of a freak accident. One day, Susie had to perform some inspections at the Works Company, and no-one else was available to watch Peony, so she was just like, “Well. She’s a well-behaved kid. I’ll bring her along. What’s the worst that can happen?”

The ‘worst that could happen’ was her child being fed to an industrial meat grinder. All it took was looking away for ooooneeee second. Peony leaned a little too close to one of the company’s machines, fell, and the next thing Susie knew, she heard screaming.

She. Was. Horrified. She scrambled to shut off the machine, but it was too late. Peony was already hurt. Really hurt. She pulled her broken body from the machine, but there wasn’t much else she could do. She pretty much just had to call Taranza, explain what horrifying thing happened, and then wait for him, a person with actual experience using Soul and healing magic to get there before it was too late.

I cannot explain enough how distressing this was. Susie is someone who isn’t used to feeling helpless. She’s in control in pretty much every situation. But sitting there, holding her actively dying daughter, she had none of that usual control. Despite herself, she couldn’t let her mind wander back to that person. The one that she was thinking about when she first made Peony. She said she’d do better than he did, but…

If Peony were to die now, they’d be the exact same.

Even once Taranza arrived, they weren’t exactly out of the woods. He completely panicked, presented with the idea of losing another loved one, and his attempts to stabilize her were sloppy and desperate. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to find her spirit to tether back to her body with his magic. Was it… already too late?

That’s when it felt as if something was passed off to him. Her spirit practically shoved into the metaphorical hands of his mind’s eye. It didn’t make any sense— it felt as if someone had intervened, but he didn’t question it. He took the stroke of luck as it came, and just barely he was able to stabilize Peony.

…She was hurt, but alive.

When she came to, her family was relieved, but she revealed something strange. When she was on the brink between life and death, she swore she was helped by two mysterious strangers. They comforted her, helped her calm down, and helped her get back to her body.

She described them as a ‘pretty lady’ and a ‘funny old man.’

Taranza and Susie weren’t sure what to make of this. It… couldn’t be, could it? But from thereon out, Peony continued to see these strangers, as well as develop more spectral powers.

You see… Peony is half Neumann— the same species her mom is. Her mom doesn’t have any magic abilities thanks to her cybernetics, but archetypically the species is susceptible to being… overloaded with a certain type of magic, especially when in life or death situations. Look at the Mage Sisters, for example. When on the brink of death themselves, they ended up becoming one with the elements that nearly killed them.

It was the same for Peony. A perfect storm, really. The Arachnid’s predisposition for Soul magic combined with the Neumann’s ability to soak up magic made for a very unique set of circumstances. And so when her dad used Soul magic to heal her, and some spirits perhaps stepped in to save her life…

Peony was overwhelmed. She developed an unnatural connection to the dead.

That said, Peony’s ‘guardian angels’ weeereeennn’t exactly supposed to do what they did. The rules of life and death are very strict. Particularly powerful spirits are allowed to remain wandering if they have unfinished business, but they are NOT to mess with mortal lives.

The arbitrator of life and death was outraged. It said it should whisk the two of them to Hades for their audacity! But this, too, was something Peony overheard, and she rushed to intervene. She begged Morpho Knight not to punish the mysterious strangers who helped her. If if was her who was supposed to die, shouldn’t she have been punished instead? She said she’d take their place.

…She didn’t know they were her granddad and her father’s long lost friend at the time. She just knew they’d helped her out, even though they didn’t know her. She had to return the favor.

Morpho Knight tested her conviction. It made it seem as if it was really going to go through with reaping her, but when she didn’t back down, it relented. It… couldn’t whisk away an innocent child. Perhaps all the time spent watching over Kirby was making it go soft. It allowed Peony to have her way. Truthfully, with the abilities she developed, the boundary between life and death for her family was already going to thin anyways. It would watch and see where this went.

Nowadays, Peony and the ghosts are best friends. She’s learned of their origins, and given a bit of an ego boost from her unlikely survival, she’s promised one day she’ll bring them back to life. This is something that is NOT going to happen, but at the moment she’s convinced she’s invincible— that she has unique, unmatched power and can do anything she wants to.

Her parents are… hardly sure what to make of all this. It’s difficult to believe, really. But the more Peony talks about her brand new friends, the harder it is to deny her uncanny knowledge. And that means old wounds are reopening as they grapple with the complicated implications of the very flawed people they lost not only entering their child’s life but, in a way, reentering theirs.

…But that’s a story for another day. I figure I’ve probably talked enough. All you need to know is god complex spirit medium spider girl. I hope everyone else likes her as much as I do.

#kirby #taransusie #taranza #susie kirby #susie haltmann #susanna patrya haltmann #kirby oc #yes she's self indulgent and overpowered <3 but i'm here to have fun and explore interesting concepts not be realistic #also if anyone's wondering why she doesn't resemble susie all that much #it's because /susie/ doesn't even resemble what susie is supposed to look like tbh #they looked a lot more alike when susie was a kid AKA before she grew up and started like. ripping out her organs

[raccoonfallsharder]

When I saw the first guardians film in middle school, my love of our favorite raccoon began. Finding a community of Rocket lovers after keeping it silently inside for so long is special (in a way I can't articulate without sounding goofy bc it's an anthropomorphic raccoon we're talking about here). I graduate from college this weekend and want to thank you for your stories getting me through hard times and motivationless days. It's given me a knew way to enjoy the movies I've watched so many times :) What was the media that got you super into Rocket and inspired your fiction writing? Much love!!

first and foremost, i want to congratulate you. school is not easy, and i swear it gets harder and feels more high-pressure/high-stakes every year. i hope that your time at college has given you more learning experiences than all-nighters, more opportunities than stressors, and more joy than hardship. and i hope that you are able to take everything you’ve earned and enjoy your freedom from university surrounded by good people, with plenty of time and resources to do the things you love. if you haven’t yet, please take time to sit and breathe and really soak up the fact that you did this. be proud of yourself. you fucken deserve it.

secondly, i read this while walking to the parking garage at 11pm after helping at an event for my college students (i work at a university) and i had to sit in my car and wait till i stopped tearing up so i could drive home. this truly made me so happy and im so glad my silly stories made things even just a little easier for you. ♡

so, my falling in love with rocket was a process. (cue me narrating this for three paragraphs like a schoolgirl with her first crush)

when we first saw rocket’s back in gotg1 i was like, oh. he’s in so much pain. between that + his fucken sarcasm, i complained afterward that the movie would’ve been so much better if he was the main character (lol). i started lazily dabbling in comics content then. i hadn’t been big into marvel comics before (more of a dc/image comics kid) but rocket and groot were becoming my faves. i loved gotg2. so much more focus on rocket, and yondu’s arc had me bawling like a baby. gotg2 made me like gotg1 more, which is part of how i judge the quality of a narrative series tbh (and why i think series are so hard to make). when the first gotg3 trailer came out and it was clear this was rocket’s story, i was obsessed. i didnt watch any additional trailers or read any more comics — rare for me. i wanted to go in completely blank. then i went back to the theatre to rewatch it three additional times (i have never before gone to see a movie more than once in the theatre). i was like… almost bursting with love for this stupid raccoon at this point.

then i got around to reading his grounded comic arc, and it was like — the dam burst. i hadn’t written fanfiction since 2017ish, and hadn’t been on tumblr since 2016, but i was like — i have to write about this fucken raccoon. i need to take care of him lol.

so when you ask what media - i guess all of it? in increments? because of course now ive watched most of his various cartoon incarnations, read probably 70% of the comics content, halfway through a stream of the 2021 game, have one of the novels (sitting on the tbr pile) and frankly the love just continues to grow.

now that ive taken up thirty-two years of your life, i just want to say im so glad you found this fandom and this community. he may be an anthropomorphic raccoon but he’s meaningful to people, in so many ways. im so very very glad that he could be that for you, and that you’re here.

congrats again, nonnie. i hope post-graduation life rewards you with supportive people who love and understand you, with joyful new experiences, good health, and everything you need to live happily and fully.

#not me ​crying in my car on a thursday night or whatever #nonnie #rfh asks #thank you #you’re so sweet #rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy

[cer-rata]

Can we talk about Catwoman, Bruce Wayne and maybe a little about the concept of crime?

Just gonna get it out of the way: Yes Gotham war is bad for many clear, obvious reasons. It reads like like crack fic, though I personally believe that's more on editorial than Zdarsky, as this is perhaps one of the most clearly top-down, artificial, corporate plots since Civil War II.

But I'm not going to focus on the genuinely hilarious ideas here, and instead talk about the original sin: Selina's big idea.

It immediately falls apart under any basic scrutiny: How is she convincing all of these wildly different people to become cat burglars? That's not an easy skill set to teach, especially at this scale. If the whole issue is as simple as a lack of work skills, why didn't she teach them anything else? Literally anything? If she has this level of reach and status to be able to convince 75%(!!!) of the underworld to throw in with her why would she use it this way?

On a level Catwoman has always had her nose closer to the ground that Batman could ever. She lives in the gray areas of Gotham. She gets, on a personal level, the ways that society fails the little people and she's been pretty consistent about going to the paint to help people in bad situations. So her wanting to really support people and get them a better shake is very in line with her character.

But she's never been dumb or blindly idealistic and certainly not naive. In fact if anyone should be able instantly suss out the logical problems with this concept, it would be the woman who probably understands Gotham's underbelly better than anyone else. She understands how the business works and would know that you can't support an entire criminal economy on stealing from the homes of the wealthy. Selina has been so successful because she's the BEST at what she does, and because her style is uncommon enough that most people aren't expecting to get hit by her. Suddenly there are what, thousands of cat burglars just running around every night? Then the rich just increase their security, and then what? The idea that it worked at all is such an assault on the suspension of disbelief. And it implies a fundamental misunderstanding of crime and what Bruce/Batman is even trying to do.

See there's an implicit suggestion here that Selina is trying to take care of people while Bruce only cares about penalizing offenders, and that's just...a really bad fanon take honestly. It stems partially from the problem of using "criminal" to describe a class of people. The idea that some people are just criminals to be stopped because all they can understand is crime. That's not a helpful or realistic way to look at crime. I think we understand that people turn to crime for many diverse reasons. We flatten their narratives because there's no time to go into the complex motivations of each Two-Face grunt, but in better written works it's implied to be there regardless.

On numerous occasions, it has been made very clear that Bruceman understands this. How could he not? He's one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet, and his autistic special interest is criminology. Like, he knows, he obviously knows, especially at this point in his career. A lot of damage has been done by the idea that Bruce Wayne and Batman are fundamentally separate people. there's plenty of drama in the discussion of being torn between a normal life and the obsession, but the obsession is always there, mask or not. Batman isn't supposed to be some bizarre divergent personality, and no I am not going to talk about Zur and you can't make me! He has historically used his money and influence to support less fortunate Gothamites since always. He's not some out of touch uber-wealthy person who thinks that beating poor people is the only answer. He's been written like that before by people who wish he was Rorschach instead, but that is not the overarching norm of his character. It's a sin comparable with forgetting that Clark Kent is an actual investigative reporter. Bruce Wayne works to counter the structural inequality that leads to common crime, and Batman steps in to protect people from violence, and uncommon, existentially different criminals. Penguin, Black Mask, Falcone--sure Batman will stop a mugging, but he really exists to punish the people who are benefiting off of the suffering of others. Even then, he'd still prefer if they redeemed themselves and moved on.

This is from the 2004 The Batman cartoon tie-in, but I think it illustrates the point really well.

Like I've said before in other posts, violence is a tool in his belt, but he knows it's not the solution. Batman dissuades, Bruce Wayne offers support and options. Unfortunately, popular discussion on Bruceman has lost a lot of this plot, and focuses on the eye catching brutality that the movies and popular dark adaptations have championed. So what we get is this weird meta commentary that is supposed to make Batman look like a violent totalitarian punching down on people and missing the point when in reality, he gets the point! He super gets the point! The reason he doesn't kill is that he believes everyone deserves to try to be better, that concept makes no sense with a Batman who doesn't see criminals as people! Selina doesn't even have a point! She's supposed to represent a more socially conscious, compassionate, realistic perspective, but she's just not correct! It's an insane nothing-burger even before he completely loses his mind because of the plot. There are legitimate ideological issues to be pulled out between he and Selina. If she had become a crime boss like Jason tried to (and once did herself if I remember correctly) and used that to suppress the worse actors in a way he couldn't, you could really have them reckon with what they're willing to do to keep people safe and where the line actually is. Because they're all criminals in the end, what matters is where they draw the line. Batman works with plenty of dangerous and formally dangerous criminals actually, Harley and Ghost-Maker and Jason and Damian and--he's not some stupid inflexible hardliner cop. Stories where Batman is zealous about crime as like an amorphous concept are insane because they suggest that he doesn't recognize that his extrajudicial nature already complicates matters. That's another reason he doesn't kill by the way! He doesn't think he's the law! He's just a guy! Why should he get to decide the value of someone's life? But even then, the idea that the whole family would fall into civil war over Bruce and Selina having an ideological tiff is such an affront to all of them as individual characters. None of them are stupid enough to deal with things this way. It's not an exploration of character flaws if you're just making them stupid.

There's a problem about writers coming onto Batbooks and revealing that they have done no research into why people commit crimes and it creates narratives where Batman also doesn't understand the point, when he has and should!

Tldr,

Writers, stop pretending that Batman doesn't understand the social/systemic aspect of crime, and also maybe look into how it actually works yeah?

#dc comics #dc editorial answer for your crimes #batman #bruce wayne #selina kyle #bad writing #meta analysis

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

"It wasn't until he made music with Dom and became friends with him and started seeming more human and accessible that I fell in love with him"

So... when he was around his black friends and colleagues and in a black scene he was not enough of a 'human' and not enough 'accessible' for you?

Right now you sound no different than Megan who said somewhat of the liking 'he was abandoned and was left to be raised by wolves' in her 'poetry' when plenty times he credited plenty both Ashleigh mom and Slim+Dub moms and other black women (like his best friend's mom in Denver) for being there and essentially raising him. Who are the wolves? (This question is for Megan) and... who are the people around him that didn't allow him to 'seem more human and accessible' (this one indeed is for you, tho?).

You can find this info - the credit he gives the black community- in his past rap interviews... but maybe he was to inhumane and inaccessibile for you to watch them.

I don't except you to post this, this is just for you, this is not a hate attack just a fruit for thought. Some of you do not realize how tone deaf the things you say are while having good intentions. There is more to intersectionality, beyond gender and their roles, that you choose to ignore. And that's just sad.

Oh I'll totally post it because anyone who has followed me for any length of time already understands why this is. I really hope you send something else later so I can take care of something but I'm pretty sure you're the only person who thinks this.

I am a very open person who's been through a lot of shit in my life. Colson used to scare me because when I was a teenager I was raped by my ex who idolized Em and all rap. Maybe it wasn't right of me to have PTSD with a whole genre of music but I was a child and went through hell because of that boy. You don't get to choose triggers, only that you wish to heal from them. He assaulted me in my church and left me pregnant- which I lost a few months later. I spent the next decade or more too terrified of anyone who looked, acted, and tried to seem an alpha male. It wasn't just rappers or whatever, ANYONE who had that "I'm a man lemme smash" personality. If you followed anything I've posted about Kells or myself before YOU wouldn't sound so ignorant and tone deaf. If you don't like us, GET OFF OUR PAGES. Stop attacking us and our followers. It's that easy. You don't have to try and convince me I don't like people. I'm a trans man so yeah I like the boy who wears skirts and what he's done with Colson. If you somehow haven't noticed, that's what I focus on. It's a fanpage, not a political statement.

I fell in love with Dom and his kind heart even though he sung some rap. It opened me up to healing, finding myself, and a world of new things. Because of him I found Kells again and started to see how he was around Dom. It was different than who he was around anyone else. He started seeming okay with someone like me and I took his name BECAUSE of how much he helped me heal and changed my outlook.

I'm glad for all the people he had over his life but given my past I wouldn't have been able to deal with him if not for his relationship with Dom. I (and Roxy) don't owe you shit and you sound like you're desperate for everyone to think you're a better fan than the rest of us. You put him down for no longer being manly enough for you so which of us comes off worse? I love all versions of him. He helped me heal.

I hope by now @triplexdoublex has blocked you but please do message me again so I can block you now. This triggered the fuck out of me and gave me a panic attack so thanks for ruining my morning, I'm sure that makes you feel big and strong. Considering how you talked about him you're probably transphobic too so this is the only power I'm giving you and it's more so Roxy can see what you are and hopefully never gives you a platform again. People are allowed to grow and heal and change, maybe you should try it? I know you hate that Colson did but it might help you.

To all my mutuals who already know all this I'm sorry to have to go back over it. I just felt like this needed to be seen. Someone like this might try to use it later and I'm not in the mood to let anyone think they have one over me. I love you all and I hope you're having a lovely day 🖤

Edit to add: How very fucking DARE you compare me in ANY way to that abusive woman. I'll give the benefit of the doubt that you just follow Roxy and don't know my past. But that was worse than you reaching for the rest. You were literally the one spewing abusive rhetoric about him not being manly enough- that sounds more like Megan than I'll ever be. But Dom and Cols taught me how to be a man so I'll let this go like they would. Hope you have the day you deserve!

#asks #jinx answers #sa tw #miscarriage tw #im sick of this

[starberrywander]

This might be a controversial opinion but I think most of my fellow progressives need to hear this:

You NEED to stop attacking conservatives, because all of your hostility only feeds into their “The left is full of prideful/hypocritical/irrational/etc assholes” rhetoric and is a major tool used by far-right propagandists to manipulate good people into hateful and dangerous ideas. Your hostility is contributing to far-right radicalization just as much, if not more, than the content put out by hate campaigns and extremists. 

I have seen it plenty of times both in my own life and online. Conservatives frequently talk about how hostile “the left” behaves and it forms a basis for a lot of their unsavory ideals. 

As someone who lives in a very conservative region of one of the most red states in the US, most of the people I know in person are conservative or at least conservative-leaning, especially in my family. But, you would be surprised just how many of them express agreement with progressive ideals either without realizing or while refusing to better understand them simply because they see progressives as hostile and unwelcoming. Like, I have no doubt in my mind that many of these people would happily and enthusiastically join even some of the most progressive social movements if they hadn’t had such a horrible impression of progressives painted to them. Many have experiences with being attacked, harassed, and called names for trying to express their concerns and opinions in progressive spaces. Many more have also seen that same scenario play out many times to other people who they respect or care for. If you don’t believe me, let me give you a prominent example from my life:

My grandmother is very conservative. Like, watches (or at least used to watch) fox news on a regular basis and refers to herself as “Super MAGA.” However, despite very explicitly aligning herself with the right-leaning conservative crowd and often making comments (mostly out of ignorance not maliciousness, I’ve learned) that would probably set a good number of y’all into rage mode, when individual issues are discussed in good faith she often takes a more progressive position. Of course there are exceptions, especially because she has been exposing herself to a lot of right-wing propaganda and definitely has been influenced by some hate campaigns, but she certainly doesn’t fit the stereotype and would absolutely be aligning herself with the left in a different situation. She is very supportive of LGBT people and, though she is a bit skeptical of things like gender reassignment surgery because of the things she gets told on facebook, she isn’t hateful toward trans people like many would probably assume. In fact all it took was a simple, calm explanation of my perspective for her to easily accept nonbinary identities (including, I think, neopronouns and xenogenders, though I haven’t heard anything from her specifically on those topics). She has even expressed that sentiment to other family members since then and I think it was well received.

Of course, there are certainly people who are too stubborn and prejudiced to even consider changing their mind, but they are a minority. Many of these people that get clocked as “bigots” are actually very kind-hearted people who were only ever able to have their genuine concerns heard or validated by people on the conservative right. They are the way they are because they were harassed or made to feel unwelcome in progressive spaces so they looked elsewhere for support and community. 

If you need more examples, here is just one of the many videos of people expressing this type of experience (this is also the video that made me realize that I should probably make a post to express this): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3r01BruBok 

My point is that we need to be more compassionate. I don’t mean this in a moral purity way, you are absolutely justified in being upset at the types of prejudice and misinformation being spread around. I mean it in the way that your hostile and angry actions are only making the situation worse and you need to find a better outlet if we want to make progress toward convincing people to side with more progressive positions and stop voting in the kinds of people who are gonna push these discriminatory policies we’ve been seeing.

As much as we want to believe that we are rational and that enough statistics will change someone’s mind if they just listened, that is not the case. Humans are emotional beings. As much as we see ourselves as objective, we think emotionally. Even if we don’t realize it. If you attack people, even passive aggressively, you make them shut down. They stop listening. Because we are much more likely to listen to and care about the words of people who we have a positive impression of. People remember emotions far more than any words, and it doesn’t matter how correct you are or how much proof you have, if you come at people with hostility and anger that attack and the emotions associated with it are the only things that are going to stick. They aren’t going to remember your statistics. They aren’t going to remember your facts. They’re going to remember how you harassed them and called them names. They’re going to remember how you demanded they adopt your beliefs without listening to theirs.

I don’t care how much you wanna scream, its not going to help anything. All people will remember is how you made them feel. We only care about statistics and facts when we care about the subject, because that’s just how humans are. You may find some exceptions, but they are few and far between and you shouldn’t rely on their existence. You need to be kind. You need to be compassionate. 

If you need to say something to vent say it privately. Write it down then make a wish and delete it like you’re blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. Keep a journal of all your rants and frustrations. Just keep them out of public spaces, for fucks sake. They are not helpful. You can edit them to be kinder, but please stop with the hostile posts. You are making it worse and the only benefit it serves is an ego boost from “dunking on the dummy conservatives.” You don’t need to say everything that comes to your mind. I know I’ve done this before too so I can sympathize but its really time we all start being more intentional with the ways we react to people.

Stop calling people names. Stop accusing people of things (even if they are. It achieves nothing.) Stop telling people to shut up. If they something particularly nasty just report and block them. If its real life just try to go somewhere else or ask them to stop or something. Like, you can absolutely attempt to explain why there is an issue with it, why you are uncomfortable with it, and why you will not accept it. But for goodness sake please do it respectfully. Even if you don’t think the person deserves respect, being hostile only makes things worse. Find a different way to express your anger. 

Yes, there will be people who won’t listen. Yes, there will still be people who paint you as irrational for being concerned or for caring about certain issues (that’s gaslighting, don’t let it get to you. Call it out if you need to.) You can’t change that. You can’t force people to change their minds. What you can do is control yourself and practice some patience. 

It is extremely important that we promote acceptance and fight against far right extremist radicalization. Especially now, when people are getting more extreme in their views and feeling emboldened to discriminate more openly. We need to get more people away from the conservative rabbit hole and we cannot do that if your immediate reaction is to attack them for disagreeing with you. People are the products of their experiences and their communities. People join communities that make them feel accepted and validated. If you harass people, its just going to make them want to join the other “enemy” community who will show them sympathy for the hurt you caused. I don’t care how much you don’t think they deserve it. I don’t care how much you feel justified. I don’t care how nasty they are being. You need to treat people with respect and compassion if you want them to agree with you on any level.

 I will probably be talking about this more in the future so I’m gonna make a hashtag to keep it all in the same place. 

“Progressives please chill and find a more productive approach for fucks sake”

#ppcafampaffs

#long post #ppcafampaffs #Controversial #politics #liberal #conservative #left #progressive #leftist #making progress #chill #mogai #LGBTQIA #gay #transgender #pro-choice #equality #kyriarchy

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Another request! Alois, Ciel, Edward, Undertaker and Charles Gray with sn ADHD reader. Perhaps she's having a harder day handling it and just needs some cuddles to help!

honestly I feel it! I've got those ADHD vibes dang it XD

Goodness, you just can’t keep you head on straight, can you? Irritating sometimes, especially on bad days, but… but he can handle it! While he doesn’t necessarily have any of your specific issues, he can sort of understand feeling out of control of one’s feelings and reactions and thoughts. He has his own problems, and sometimes that means he’s unable to help with yours. However, he does his best to help if he’s not having a bad day himself. He’s there to keep you on task if you’re trying to get something done, giving you cheeky, teasing little reminders that, “You said you wanted to get this done, remember? You’re getting distracted, sweetheart. Want me to help you focus?” He’s quite shameless in that he uses himself as motivation; every time you successfully get back on track after getting distracted, he gives you a kiss as a reward.

Good God, how can you stand being all over the place like that all the time? He thinks his head would pop off if he had so many things pulling him in every direction. He’s had a bit more practice keeping his thoughts in line, because he has to do so in order to efficiently run a company. If you’re at all interested, he could probably teach you some techniques for staying focused. You’re making his head spin, after all, so he’s more than willing to help as long as you’re open to it. He often uses the ticking of a clock as something to concentrate on, which brings his head to the present and lets him work on whatever’s in front of him. If that doesn’t work for you, he’ll find something else. He just… knows what it’s like, even if it’s not as bad for him, to not be able to settle. Anything he can do to help you with that feeling, he’ll give it a go.

Oh, goodness, she seems so… well, it’s just… she’s always at the mercy of distractions like this? That seems like a rather confusing way to live one’s life. He isn’t sure what exactly he could do to give her any assistance, other than attempt to offer gentle reminders. Even so, his biggest problem in trying to remind her is that he doesn’t want to seem pushy or add one more thing to all the information her mind is already trying to sort through. If she’s okay with him delicately poking at her to get back on task, he’ll try to do that. Writing something? Reading a book? Cooking? He’s happy to be there next to her to either nudge her if she gets distracted or take over if she’s getting flustered. He also is very good at making her feel like this isn’t a nuisance; it’s just something that has to be dealt with, and he doesn’t ever make a big show of dealing with it. He’s just… there for her.

Doesn’t she get exhausted going through life like that? All disorganized and unable to focus on things? That would drive him up the wall! In fact, just looking at her getting distracted makes him a little annoyed. Not for selfish reasons, just because he’s wincing at the thought of anyone living like that, especially someone who he cares deeply about. However, he has no idea how to help her, aside from giving her blunt reminders about getting back on track if he notices her attention is being pulled somewhere else. Blunt may be what she needs; it may not be. He’ll adjust his efforts if she tells him something isn’t helping her. He also has connections with some good doctors, if she wants to go that route. However, regardless, he’ll try to help her out. If he can’t help her, well, plenty more excuse for kisses and snuggles to make her feel better.

Hee-hee, she’s actually quite funny, runnin’ around like that with her mind goin’ in all different directions! How absolutely endearin’. Honestly, he just thinks it’s charming, even though he knows she most certainly doesn’t think of it as a good thing. It’s just that he can find beauty where most people don’t see it, and that extends to issues like hers. (Mind you, he’s got his own issues, so that may play a part in it.) Of course, if she happens to need him to help her get back onto a task sometimes, he’ll do his best. He likes her just how she is, though, so unless something is very important, he doesn’t always push as hard as might be effective. She needs hugs to comfort her, though? That’s most definitely his department. Aah, humans are so strange and wonderful!

#twilightlover2007 #Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Alois #Ciel #Edward #Grey #Undertaker #reaction #romantic #fluff #hurt/comfort #aaaaaaa boyssssss #one hell of a queue