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asecretvoice · 5 months ago
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I miss you, you just don’t miss me. You just miss my body and what it was for you.
-I just want you to say sorry
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asecretvoice · 9 months ago
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To the boy that broke my heart, one day you will miss who I was.
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asecretvoice · 9 months ago
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It doesn’t matter that you broke my heart multiple times, I still saw all that good in you. I still cared for you despite of it, loved you when you didn’t love me back. I still believed, but I deserve someone who will see all I have and not walk away.
-one day you will miss me like I missed you
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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It’s my own damn fault for breaking my heart, for thinking you had actually changed. That I ignored the gaslighting when she didn’t really want you that time in November. When you begged me to go Christmas shopping for your mom and sister, and I went anyways. For thinking you actually cared about me, on all those car ride trips we went on. Tacos and Providence seaside views in January, for me dragging you used book shopping in Niantic when my friend cancelled in February, when you told me “jokingly” you wanted to get back to together. I didn’t say it then, but I wanted to believe you I just couldn’t risk my heart. And yet there was ramen and a bookstore in March, there was helping me buy hiking shoes, wearing them in and Mediterranean food in April . There was breakfast hole-in-the-walls, there was taking hidden trails in the woods, singing along to my bad car karaoke, getting lost on winding Connecticut roads, countless nights staying up late despite my early 4 am weekday alarms. You begging to meet my friends, wanting to go hiking with us, and I thought you actually meant it. There was me cautious but wanting to believe. I missed you and it felt like old times. So many things on the tip of my tongue, how I wanted to tell you it all. But I had been burned before by you when I last bared my soul. I didn’t want to be so attached, to seem so eager, I just wanted someone who would stay. So when I stepped away, just once I wanted you to fight back in June. But instead you wanted her, and I went alone on that mountain hike in those shoes you helped me buy. I’m sorry to my heart, for believing in those butterflies that I thought meant you felt like home. I should have listened to them when they warned me of the greatest heartache I would have to endure.
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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“Isn’t it sad, that I could trust you with my body but I couldn’t trust you with my heart?”
-and yet you still broke it
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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My darling, please don’t mistake my softness as a weakness. For one would think that after many years, a person would be stronger. But who is to say that being soft and sensitive is not a strength? I should not be ashamed for being so close with my emotions, for everything that has brought me so much joy to all my tears of pain. I am soft in the way I trust people and believe they all have good intentions, I am soft in the ways I believe the lies of poisoned tongues, I am soft in the way tears come so easily to my eyes in the slightest of emotion. They say I should be stronger, with walls hardened around my heart. But my darling it takes true strength, to withstand all that pain and heartache and still be soft to world around you.
-I refuse to let my past turn me into stone.
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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Thank you for teaching me how I want to be loved back, I just wish you weren’t another life lesson I had to learn along the way.
-for a while I thought it was real
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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I’m too romantic and unrealistic
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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Are you happy now, knowing how much you broke me? Using me only when you wanted to, throwing me to the side when you found something new and shiny. How dare you ask me to be your friend, as if I would be okay watching you find your happiness in someone else from the sidelines. Was I nothing but a backup plan when she didn’t turn out like you hoped? Knowing I would always be there for you to use and use again, but never good enough to stay. Why treat me as something permanent when you only wanted me temporarily? Are you okay knowing how much you hurt me, does it leave you waking up gasping for breathe, a heavy dull emptiness in your heart knowing the person who you loved so much never loved you back? That it never existed in the first place.
-I really hope you are happy now
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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I’d rather you be a stranger in my life, than have to live with the ghosts of what love did to me.
-at least I would be okay with a stranger lying to my face
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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““Do you ever wonder why mortals seek love so fervently?” asks Hermes, filling his goblet with more of Dionysus’ best wine. Dionysus is thinking of Ariadne again as he smiles sadly, “They walk through life only two steps ahead of death. Imagine what it must be like to know you are finite. You would constantly seek the beauty of love too, if you knew you were doomed. If you knew how your book ends, wouldn’t you want to fill it with beautiful things like love, too?””
— Nikita Gill, Excerpts from Maidens, Myths and Monsters
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asecretvoice · 11 months ago
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Stop coming back to me, if you don’t intend to stay.
-otherwise I’m gonna think you really want me
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asecretvoice · 12 months ago
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how do you tell your ex you still love them??
you dont
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asecretvoice · a year ago
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I hate how you turned my greatest strength,
my ability to trust and forgive,
against me.
Used it as my greatest weakness.
After all, you knew
how I would always forgive you
for breaking me
over and over again.
May be you were my weakness.
But not anymore.
-I’ve always been able to forgive those who have hurt me the very most
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asecretvoice · a year ago
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If you cannot love me at my worst, you my dear, do not love me at all.
You cannot pick and choose when to love someone, you either do or you don’t.
Love is more than just loving someone through their highs and lows.
It is the willingness and caring that despite of it, never faltering.
Together.
-It’s taken me a while to realize you never cared for me, and I have to be okay with that.
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