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crmsnmth · 21 hours

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Brilliant Colors

On our first date You asked what I thought of you. Could you hear my whispered prophecy in silent lines, I told you, under the silver sky

"You're my new oblivion."

And when you cracked your Cheshire grin I should've run as far away as I could But I was hypnotized by your colors ignoring the side show signs promising the venom of your bite

I follow you to your place where we watch Natural Born Killers getting high off bad brick weed And you whisper in my ear between the kiss

"Be the Mickey to my Mallory."

I never learned how to wave a white flag and it's Hard to see red flags when you're red green colorblind At least that's what I say so I can forgive myself For being sucked into your peacock tail Shimmering and shaking under a single dimming bulb

I'm ashamed of myself for loving you Because it shows how shallow I really am Your insanity and anger overpowered mine And I know better

I fucking knew better. I mean, at least I keep telling myself I did

What started as just a warning A sign that I should never touch you and just admire your colors from a far Seven years, I drank the poison and it's rainbow oil shine

You may cover yourself in brilliant colors but inside your heart is black and white

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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aaaaaaand to add on to that i love september sky. so scrumptious. can i eat it

Haha, I mean, if you want to. But I wouldn't recommend it,

#ask #words words words #writing #my writing #answered #hello #spilled words #punkrocksoapoperas #punk rock soap operas #interaction #ipromiseiwillanswereventually #writer #writerscorner #art #freeform #writers on tumblr

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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Petrichor

I step outside just as the summer rain stops falling The world is wet And has the sun peeks from behind the cloudy sky Everything shimmers, like jewels still in the mine

I love the smell, and I light a cigarette to chase it away The sound of water dripping into puddles and asphalt makes it's own quiet and calm natural music The world can be be so prepossessing and I guess even I, the misery poet, can see the shine

I watch a car drive through a puddle and water splashes up onto the sidewalk

I start off down the street I've got no place to go, but I can't sit inside anymore I'm sick of being tired and alone And I've given it up and now I'm just looking For something For anything to do

Water drops fall off the branches above and a drop hits my skin, so algid It makes me shiver

I keep walking, keeping my head down and my headphones up I'm not in the mood to talk to strangers especially in the fog that's building right up off the ground

So I hide it as I spend another night walking alone

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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Heartbreak Should be Celebrated

Heartbreak should be celebrated.

Heartbreak, in all it's pain, is beautiful It's touch is soft, and rough at the same time Memories become gospel and held truth and it's grieving for someone who isn't dead It would be so much easier if they were

Becase the dead didn't choose to die at least in any case but suicide But grieving for someone who only left and only went two blocks away grieving for the living is painful They chose to shatter the gift handed to them a heart. and now heartbreak.

Heartbreak should be celebrated.

Heartbreak coming from the end of love where the relationship is one-sided and the balance of the scales tips so low eventually it will fall so far that the only good plan is to get the hell out and that's what happens for the healthy

But for the quiet side of this the side of divorce that never wants to sign because there's hope and heartbreak is the slow death of hope a strangulation we get to watch

Heartbreak should be celebrated

Because heartbreak comes from love heartbreak means you loved something so much heartbreak means your still alive heartbreak says, I am here And we will walk through this

Let me heal in my quiet place.

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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Untitled #24

To look into your eyes is to see the face of god pulchritudinous divine I want to drown within the beryl depths in your eyes Sink to the bottom of your heart and take up my residence of parasite behavior

Why do I always have the need to destroy everything good in me?

To hear you sing Even if it is just ''Creep' as we dance around the kitchen is to hear the voice of infinite ego scrumptious luxurious If I go deaf, just now you'll always be my inner voice that voice within my head

Would you believe at one point I used to always get what I want?

To taste your lips is to kiss the very lips of creation enticing piquant Let me live within your mouth where I smile between your crushing teeth Even has the pressure shatters ny skull I'll smile because it's your consumption I'll gladly be your nutrition

Why did you say you loved me if you weren't going to stick around?

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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Heart and Soul

My heart is a parking lot for a shut-down Kmart nothing but resilient weeds growing through cracks in the pavement. Dust tornadoes spin up Whipped into a frenzy by the softest whisper of your name on the breeze A lonely place made for short goodbyes after a too long car ride

My soul is the abandoned house right in the middle of the ghetto An open place for junkies, rats, and criminals can hide Let me be the place for bad rituals and spray paint tags It's the smell of rot and decay and degeneration Corrosion and decomposition You can burn it down, I don't mind Besides I sold my soul a long time ago,

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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I Wish I Had Never Met You

I used to say that I wish I had never met you Because then I wouldn't have to face how you left Like the way you woke me with a gentle kiss and the laugh that was more like something you sung

I used to say that I wish I had never met you But that's one of the biggest lies that I tell myself Some reason I still cling to it with raptor talons as you took the wings to fly me into the sun

Latching on to hollow I love you's and the word forever

I used to say that I wish I had never met you Sometimes there's a little bit of truth in those words but it fades as soon as I conjure up your smile and bask in the false glow of fading memories

I used to say that I wish I had never met you Because losing you broke me to my core You made me see what real suffering was You made it so I didn't have to fake it anymore

I keep telling myself that it was always gonna crash it hurts and it's gonna hurt for a long long time but I know In the end When the days over when the time comes

I'm really glad I met you. I'm glad I got to share you're room for awhile I'm glad I got to share nights with you I'm glad I fell in love with you

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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If I Ever Come Back

If I ever return If I ever come back to cesspool city You'll know exactly where to look for me That's is, if you plan to come looking at all

Because if I ever return You and everyone who once knew me Will know that my return is surely not for anything good

And so you'll search the rail yards Where I could be found with the train kids and rats Singing songs about drinking listerine, as wer're already high You'll look to find me in a boxcar, passed out flat on my back because I'm not afraid to die But you won't find me there

If I ever return If I ever step one foot back into the beer-soaked city There's only a couple places that I could go

You'll look for me in dive bars where the drunk hunts for a place to put his cock But never succeeds because the booze is his life And I'd sit down next to him, the king of cockroaches Listening to his story as he sobs and drops tears into his drink It only costs a beer to hear a life story But you won't find me drinking with the drunks

You'll search the benches along the lake Stopping slightly at the trail's fork, surrounded by trees A place where we once sat and watched the water You could me crazy because I saw fireworks in your eyes but I won't be here either And there's one more place that I could be

If I ever return If I ever somehow make me way to Milwaukee You'll know exactly where to find me

You'll search the park you once showed me the place I learned that city's create stars in downtown's lights You'll find me chain-smoking and staring at the US Bank building and my eyes will be wet At my feet will lay my original plan to burn this fucking city to the ground But I can't do that

This city is where I loved you. Where I hated you. where I wished you nothing but the best.

Where I wished for you

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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haha you prob know who this is. maybe not but still, being anonymous is funny. anyway, love ur work as always 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 ppl talk shit of your art? erm. they're being haters on tumblr how low can they get ☠️. yea i read all the versions bcz i can. also, your music is 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 if only i had soundcloud 😞

I'm sure I could take a guess or two, haha. Thank you so much. I am glad yo enjoy it. Yes, they do. And I don't mind it usually. It's kind of part of the gig. What I don't like are the people who tell me I suck, without any form of constructive criticism. Drives me nuts. It's fine not to like my works. Its not for everybody, and I know this. I know it well. Telling me you don't like it, and that I'm doing it wrong will always send me into a fit, and it always reminds me why I hate armchair critics. How can I do lawless poetry wrong? I'm going to stop ranting now, because If I don't, we'll be here a long time. Hey thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

#ask #words words words #writing #my writing #answered #hello #spilled words #punkrocksoapoperas #punk rock soap operas #interaction #ipromiseiwillanswereventually #writer #writerscorner #art #freeform

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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The Girl from California

She always reminded me to wear my glasses Calling it from going to standard definition and into 4K And does this 2000 miles away from me.

She knows when I'm about to fall asleep And jokes that I need to make sure I'm in a safe place Somehow she cares without even speaking to her.

And I want to talk to her I want to hear her voice I want to have a normal conversation Between two people who love each other. But I'm so goddamned afraid. And I never find myself able to hit the call button.

She loves me through text, working with me And I want to tell her the whole story But I can't figure out a title to finish it all So it stays locked away behind dungeon doors and barred windows

And she tried to stick with this, but I never made the effort If she only knew the anxiety was formed Long before she ever came into the picture

But a person can only handle so much and we almost made a year, a relationship without speech If I could do it again, I like to think I'd push through.

I'll always hold a special spot for The Girl From California.

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crmsnmth · 2 days

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Stoned Philosphy

I miss the stoned talks on your cloud of a couch Thinking we so insightful and clever But when we listened back the recording Not one single thought made any sense at all the stoned philosphers

We think we get it, yet we cook another frozen pizza Candy, Red Bull, and whiskey to round out our diet I miss playing Halo in between joints and roaches And we think we play so much better but the replay shows we miss most our shots Always up as the sun rose because you worked mostly third shift and I need chemicals to fall asleep

Adventures to a gas station in the hours after the bars have all closed And every joke is funnier then it should be But even then we know better than to carry Our nights never ended in trouble except for candy, gas station hot dogs, and stolen ramen

I didn't realize how much we had it made Someday I hope to converse with you again To pick your brain and remember all your quirks We were room mates for such a short time Six months I slept on your living room floor And you were there when I fell in love

You watched me pass out drunk and always made sure I was turned on my side You took nothing from me even though you should've You watched as I spent six months being truly free For the first and last times of my life And there is one thing I wish I could to you

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

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crmsnmth · 3 days

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September Sky Chapter Seven, Part 11 (End of Chapter Seven)

We all hugged and Chad and I headed off in the opposite direction to where the car was parked. The night was quiet, the bumping bass fading with each step. By the time we got to the car, we couldn't hear it all, and our shoes connecting to the pavement was loud in the cooling air.

"Want to grab something to eat before heading to your place?" Chad asked, unlocking the car, We both got in.

"Sounds good to me." It's kind of funny how easy it is to fall into roles around people. Sitting here in the car with Chad after sitting in a bar somewhere. The going to get food after, The routine. It all slipped naturally into it's place.

"Where do we go for food?"

"Ma Fisher's on Farwell. I'm pretty sure I can get us there."

And I did somehow manage to get us there,

Ma Fishers is a 24/7 diner right in the heart of the city. I'm not sure I met one person living in Milwaukee who hadn't gotten trashed and ate at the diner. It was a right of passage in this area of Milwaukee.

The place was bustling, even at 1:30 in the morning. Once the bars closed it would get crazy busy as hundreds of drunk people would be released from their liquid temples.

We both order and ate. We managed to beat the bar crowd and were back in the car in less then a half hour. We weren't talking much on the ride back to my place. Both of us were tired and the drunk we were on was slowly coming to a stop. All either one of us wanted to do now was sleep. That restless sleep that a good drunk will give you. Tomorrow, it will feel like I never even closed my eyes.

"Here." I handed Chad a blanket and a pillow. He could take the unused couch in the living room for one night. At least it will have a purpose for once, and be more than just a decoration.

After I got Chad all settled, I headed into my room, not bothering to turn on my light. I pulled my phone out as I flopped down onto my mattress. I plugged my Christmas lights in to take away the darkness.

I sat myself against my wall as I scrolled through my contacts list and stopping to press on one name.

It rang three times before a groggy sounding voice came through the speaker.

"Hello?" I could hear the fog of someone just waking up in Addison's voice.

"Hey. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it's alright. I asked you to call."

"Still, it's late. And you had all those calls. Did it ever slow down?"

"Yeah, it's been an hour or two since I've had to go out. How was your night?" Addison said with half her words engulfed in a large yawn.

"It was good. It's easy to slip into old roles."

"Good, I'm glad you had fun." Another yawn.

"You should get some sleep." I said. She sounded exhausted. The light in her voice was there and I could hear plan as day. But it was dimmer than normal. I wondered if it was just a busy night or was it average. It's a big city. Lot's of people die.

"I know. I just..." She cut herself off. At first I thought it was a particularly large yawn, but realized it was silence.

"Are you ok?" I asked, tentatively.

"Is it weird if I miss you?" She asked. I wasn't sure what I was really expecting, but I know it wasn't that. My mouth moved but no words came out. I was in shock. A good shock. My brain was resetting, unsure of what it was supposed to do with this new information.

"You miss me?" I finally managed to spit out, having to say each word with a bullet. I was relearning how to speak my native tongue.

"Yeah. I do."

"I miss you too." I said. And I did. She didn't really leave my mind much anymore. Really hadn't since that collision. A constant visitor.

We were quiet for a moment, until yet another yawn attacked her.

"You should really get back to bed." I said.

"I know. Take some ibuprofen and make sure you drink water."

"That's the plan."

"Goodnight, Chris."

"Goodnight, Addison."

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crmsnmth · 3 days

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I Ache

I ache, even within my dreams the dull throb of my black and red heart following into worlds of clouds and dimensions of fire I always find myself right in the middle'

I ache, in a way that I can't explain A phantom pain that comes attached to bittersweet memory. The kinds of things better people would push aside I find myself in a constant state of duality battles.

I ache, in a strange dark place That is hidden in the library of my brain Over time, I've forgotten where they all are but we can look together if you'd like. You gave me Serotonin Syndrome

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crmsnmth · 3 days

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We Are What We Believe In

If we are living in a some advanced specie's simulation I would like to remain ignorant of that fact. Don't tell me how we're just a product of quantum computing, advanced AI, and science that we're only starting to touch. Don't tell me how pointless that really is.

I identify as a nihilist A philosophy of everything is nothing The answer to it all was just as pointless as the lives we lead. And I believe it. I believe in nothing.

I wish I didn't.

I wish I still felt hope for the brand new day I wish I could still find faith in the color of the forest I wish I could understand love and what it's really worth But I don't. Not at all.

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crmsnmth · 3 days

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September Sky Chapter Seven, Part 10

"Good. It would be even better if you were around too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Oh! Before I forget, do you have an Emma in your anatomy class?" I asked.

"I think so. Why?"

"Real small fragile looking mousey girl?"

"Yeah, why?" Addison asked again.

"She's Alana's girlfriend,"

"Oh wow, small world" Addison said, sounding far off.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, just a long day. How late are you guys staying out?"

"I have no idea."

"If your not too drunk, maybe call when you're home? I'm sure I'll probably still be up." She said with amusement in her voice.

"Yeah, I can do that. No problem. Just a busy night?"

"Yeah. Five calls so far. I'm really hoping for a break."

"At least it's only one day, right? And it's almost over."

"True." Her voice was tired, but the distance had faded. "I'll let you go though. I kind of just wanted to say hi."

"Ok. I'll call later."

"Be safe."

"I will." I said as she hung up. Still no goodbyes. That may seem like such a trivial thing to focus on, but to me, it meant a lot. It meant I was heard. I was heard and actually listened to. Something so simple says more than a lot of what bigger gestures say.

The world around came back into focus. Thumping from the bar counting out rhythms of the street music. I turned around, only to see all three of the people I was here with, standing near the door smoking. I walked up to them.

"You good?" Chad asked between puffs. Alana and Emma stood off to the side, quietly talking and sharing a cigarette.

"Yeah. I'm good." I flicked my own cigarette off into the street, where it bounced underneath a parked car. For a second or two, smoke appeared to roll out from the car itself.

"You know, we're just giving you shit, right?" Ever the good friend.

"I know. It's all good."

"We're proud of you. And I think I won the pot."

"The pot?"

"Yeah, we all had bets on how long it would take before you did it again. Tim's going to be pissed. He had total faith you'd never break."

"You guys were fucking betting on my love life?" I probably should've been upset but I wasn't. In a way, I was slightly flattered. How often is it that you become a focal point of your friends lives, by refusing any form of connection with anyone new?

"Yeah. Looks like I won two hundred bucks."

"Fuck you." I laughed as I spoke. Chad dropped his dying nail into a bucket outside. We headed inside, into the noise, into the chaos. Alana and Emma followed soon after.

* * * *

"You good to drive?" Alana asked Chad as we all stood outside the bar. It was a little after one and Alana and Emma were heading out.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm staying at Chris's place tonight anyway." Chad replied, tossing his cigarette off into the street.

"We need to do this again. This was a lot of fun." Emma leaned against Alana and their hands were intertwined. Emma had come out of her shell once that false confidence started hitting her. She was actually a pretty funny weirdo. Her and Alana made a great pair.

"For sure." I said.

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crmsnmth · 4 days

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Update/Note 4/25/2024

Hey, how goes it? So, September Sky is getting close to where I'm at in the editing process, so soon enough it will slow down on how often parts are being uploaded. Don't worry, I started posting it here, and I'll finish off the story here. Second, I've slowed down a bit on my attempts at poetry. This is just because well, life is life, and there's quite a bit to do this time of year. With work, my youngest brother graduating, and trying to find a place I can call my own (that won't push me back into being completely broke again), I just don't really have the energy. The writing hasn't stopped, because anyone that sees my thumbprints knows that this isn't just writing for attention and that my fingers on the keys, or wrapped around a pen, is a type of medicine for me that keeps me stable and able to face my emotions. There's still hundreds of notes in my doc app, and there's notebooks being chiseled in every single day. It's the idea of fixing them and rearranging lines and breaks that takes a lot of energy. Don't worry, there's an infinite supply always on its way. I couldn't stop if I tried. And finally, I'm going to be starting to add yet another fictional story I've been working on for going on three years, and I think I'm ready for it to start being seen by others. it's on its eighth draft, and if I don't start sharing it, it'll end up with 100 drafts, and as obsessively as I write, that's past the point of making it better and into making something mechanical. It's horror/dark romance, which probably shouldn't surprise anyone who enjoys or reads my work. Right now, it's under the working title "The Horror of Our Love" (which will be changed once I actually think of something better) which is actually the title of a Ludo song that is amazing, and one of those songs that means the world to me, mainly from where I first heard it, and who had posted it to an old Facebook wall. The whole inspiration for the story came from that song and being unreasonably angry at the Twilight series completely destroying and making fun of the vampire mythos. So, think Twilight, with more blood, gore, violence, and anger. Twilight for horror purists and a much more mature audience. Maybe if Edward had ripped out someone's throat, it'd would been more of my kind of story. (And if you happen to like the Twilight books, I'm not interested in changing your opinion of the series. Love what you love. Especially when it comes to art, music, and the written word. You're allowed to like and love whatever it is you find, and don't let anyone ever take that away from you. I still read the Animorphs series every so often. And I fucking love it. And Goosebumps too. And if you don't like Goosebumps, what the hell are you doing with your life?) If none of this stuff interests you in anyway, and your own here because it's fun to watch a train wreck of a human being crash and see inside the head of a delusional and depressed functioning adult, that's cool too. Hope you're getting you're psych research done. Just include my name in the footnotes please. I deserve some credit for being batshit insane, right? I think that's it for now. Have a good one. -Chris (crmsnmth)

#update #words words words #my writing #writing #spilled words #some news #punk rock soap operas #punkrocksoapoperas #hello #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #poets and writers

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crmsnmth · 4 days

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September Sky Chapter Seven, Part 9

That was okay because Chad was back with more of that conversation juice. The pitcher was quickly emptied after all of us filled our plastic cups.

"There's an open pool table. You want to play doubles?" Chad asked, "Me and Chris, and you two."

"Sounds good." I said as I stood up.

* * * *

The bar was full now. The DJ was mixing punk songs into techno beats. And it was loud. Not just because of the booming music, but because there was hundreds of conversations going on around me. Words that mashed together. The best place to tell a secret.

Chad and Alana were shooting darts. Emma and I were discussing movies. Still sitting in the same spot. Apparently she was an even bigger cinephile than me. The pitcher sat empty on the table. It was my turn to fill it back up.

"Lars Von Trier is great, but he gets to be kind of long with some things. Did you see Antichrist?" I asked.

"It always has its purpose. I mean, even his padding has an art to it." Emma said back. I thought I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, but phantom buzzes were pretty common.

"I'll give him credit for his shots. He does got beautiful shots. Sure, it's an art, but it's a pointless art. Take someone like Lynch, who uses negative space in a way that it fits and isn't just padding."

"Oh, Lynch is overrated." Emma said, laughing.

"You take that back you uncultured swine!" I laughed along with her.

Chad and Alana came back over by us. Somebody had already grabbed the dart board. It wasn't really a surprise. The place was full.

"Well, you two are getting along nicely," Alana said, dropping down into her chair. She kissed Emma on the cheek. She pointed to the pitcher. "Who's turn is it?"

"Mine." I said, grabbing the pitcher and standing up. I stretched before making me through the crowd. It didn't take much effort, since I can easily slide through a crowd.

It took a while before a bartender was able get to me, but I couldn't blame him. They were busy and all three bartenders were bouncing around the space. It looked chaotic, but apparently there was a dance going on. I just couldn't see the steps.

"Refill?" He shouted at me. I'd hit each bartender now.

I nodded and he promenaded around to the taps. In a few seconds he was back, and the exchange of money for goods had finished. I turned and headed on the much slower trip back to the table. Carrying a pitcher of beer through a very busy bar is a strange ballet. And I am far from a dancer, leaving small splashes of tap beer as breadcrumbs.

I set the beer down on the table. The topic had changed to something new. I motioned to Chad I was going to go have a smoke and I'd be right back. He nodded and I headed outside into the warm night.

My ears rang as they got used to the outdoor quiet. There were maybe three or four people standing around, smoking cigarettes, each one holding on to a plastic up. As I lit my cigarette a cop car sped by, it's lights on but no sirens.

I pulled my phone from my pocket to see I had missed a call from Addison. That's probably what I felt earlier when I thought my phone had buzzed. I guess I should've looked right then. It might be a little late to call her. It was passed midnight. Knock it off, Chris. No excuses.

I took a deep breath of the night's cool air and called her break.

"Hello?" She answered on the second ring,

"Hey." I didn't know what else to say, "you called?"

"It's not that important. I just wanted to say hi."

" Oh, well, hi."

She laughed and I melted.

"How's your night out going?" She asked.

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