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deadturquoise · 2 years

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i need a place to put this

i woke up that morning on a carpeted floor with a bundle of other people. i was still in my clothes from the night before. i opened my eyes to see d____s face on the carpet, opposite mine- in a sort of 69 position. i rememebered talking about the idea of doing only the vocals of a Brand New song for the intro to a set and how that could be cool. i started to remember more about the night before.

i quit grad school back in march, around st patricks day, after a confusing and painful mere 3 months in savannah. since i finished college, my father was insistent that i “was going to grad school” and i found myself applying for an expensive art school, hundreds of miles away, in a city i’d never been to, basically because a friend of mine had gone there and i’d seen photos of it. at the time i was ~3 years deep into my relationship with my first real girlfriend, e___. ..i felt pressed more and more to the burner with every day that passed without a response from SCAD. i don’t know if i knew what i was really doing or really even cared. my relationship with my girlfriend was one of the most important things to me. ..i was accepted just days before classes started and had only a few weeks to figure everything out and move. e___ found an internship in new york city for the spring. everything felt rushed, unplanned, undiscussed. i was jealous, arguing a lot with e___ long distance, drinking heavily, fell into a depressed state not knowing anybody or how to integrate myself into a group of students that had already been here for an entire quarter. i flew home for a valentintes day trip where she broke up with me. i stayed up all night drinking coffee at a steak n shake by myself waiting for the sun to rise so i could talk to my dad. my family didn’t offer the support i wanted or needed, but backed up her reasons for leaving. i flew back the next day for the rest of the quarter. while i didn’t quit drinking, i started running for the first time in my life. i’d drive a few minutes down the road to a park where i could be alone to embarass myself. my diet changed heavily. i’d measure everything i was eating, portion out my iceberg lettuce lunches… ration my granola. i dropped a significant amount of weight pretty quickly. i did my best to keep up with my classes, but re-occuring nightmares kept me awake a lot of the time. after a drunken night where i found myself tying a guitar cable around my neck, and then looking everywhere in the house for somewhere to tie it, i decided it was time to call it quits and get out.

it had been about two months since i’d left school and been back home at my parents house. i’d adapted a totally new persona- opposite of who i was or who e___ knew. i threw out most of my clothes- a lot of things i’d had since childhood. …i didn’t care, i wanted to be the most attractive person i could be. i cut my hair.. i’d go the mall frequently.. collared shirts were a part of my every-day wear… i was out at a new bar every night talking to new people where i could; saying yes to everything.

i still had quite a few things back in my savannah apartment, which was leased originally through May. i did everything i could to avoid having to go to savannah again with my parents, and eventually convinced this girl, m___, i had recently met to come help me move. …the move was a disaster and we essentially drank at the apartment and beach all weekend, rushing to pack within hours on the final day, and leaving half of the things behind. i wasn’t prepared for the next 24 hours. a friend’s band was playing a huge show in the city that night so i wanted to get home. ohio highway patrol was sure to hit me with a speeding ticket immediately upon entering the state (pulling a u-haul in the right lane and having cars pass me ?) i made it to the show. while i was watching my friends: d____, j__, m____, and p____- i got word from my ex that she was now seeing someone who caused issues in our relationship before and it cut me deep.

after the show we walked down the street to victory’s where i watched this guy serenede a friend of d___’s i liked from the stage. those two have been married for years now. i remember drinking a lot of bulleit in the back by myself and trying not to cry. we all got up, made some breakfast, and d____ took my back to my car, where i found a fresh parking ticket waiting for me. 2 tickets in 12 hours, sweet. when i got home my parents informed me of “our” plan to vacation at the same house as the previous year, where we stayed with e___. i told them i didn’t want to be in that environment and didnt want to go. ..i remember being on my way out the door when this conversation happened. i had cleaned myself up and was going to return the rest of m____s things from the move and talk about what was going on. i sat in my car for a minute, probably caught in a text, before realizing i forgot something inside. when i walked in the garage i could hear from inside- my father screaming at my mother about me and how i needed to “fucking get over it”. i quickly came inside, catching them by surprise. i remember asking them if they had seen what i was looking for, trying my best to contain the anger over what i had heard behind my back. they blew me off and i slammed the door behind me, walking out. ….my father chased me outside with rage i had never seen, around the back of the house, where he caught my horrorpops shirt with his fist, tearing it off of my body, and then putting his arm around my neck in a chokehold. my mother stood there screaming, i remember pulling my phone out and dialing 911 to get him away from me.

i drove away, shirtless, sobbing, and scared for my life. …i showed up at m____s house and met her mother for the first time, like that. she gave me a hug and her phone number. i showed up at m____s work- i looked insane. i was in shock and didn’t know what to do or where to go. …i eventually came back to my parents house, terrified as to who or what was inside. …my father had gone, and i started packing all of my music equipment. my mother was there. i screamed at her for two hours i think about years of what i’d been feeling. i remember throwing the credit card i was given in her face. i left. the plan was to start playing music on the road and hope for the best. that evening i set up my first solo performance at a friend’s pool party. this was the first show as dead turquoise. this was 10 years ago today.

what have i learned from this? i have fallen apart and put myself together many times and will many times more. …and if i can’t make myself believe that in the times now where i am still falling apart, then i need to take comfort in the fact that i did it once. for that one brief period of time, dead turquoise went at this as hard as we could. i did everything myself, made everything myself, played every show that was offered to me, gave most of what i made away for free. it was my heart and soul. so much of it as a project is intertwined with who i am, or was, as a person. i wrote about what hurt me and screamed about it as hard as i could in an effort to cope with it. somewhere only a couple years in, i stopped playing. it became a point of argument and contention, and became stagnant somewhere as life for me became unstable again, and the space for practice and volume just wasn’t accessible.

i think often about how and if i could or should bring this project back to life.

i wonder if it means something to other people

i wonder if i have always been an asshole

i wonder if i still am

#deadturquoise #personal #reflection #10 years

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deadturquoise · 7 years

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hello.

...long time, no see.

i am writing new music. there will be a new dead turquoise record in 2017.

thank you for your support. see you soon.

xoxo, dt.

#dead turquoise #2017 #writing #new music #news

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deadturquoise · 8 years

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Here’s a DT take on the soundtrack from the 1970's film "Psychomania". I first saw this movie as part of TCM's Underground special a few years back and it's been one of my favorite spooky flicks to date. I'm a huge fan of the movie and it's a staple in my horror rotation every year when Halloween rolls around. This track was included in one or two of my live sets back in 2013 and I wanted to record and release it as a special treat for Halloween this year. Any proceeds made from this track (if you choose to contribute) will be donated to the Spirit of Children organization which makes hospital stays less scary for kids and their families. Thanks everybody, have a Happy Halloween. xoxo, DT.

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #new music #halloween #psychomania #the death wheelers #sludge #surf #metal #soundtracks #spooptober #spoopy

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deadturquoise · 9 years

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long time, no talk, friends.

i’ve been off the grid for a while, but here are a some new songs i wrote/co-wrote with some friends.

enjoy.

xo, dt.

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #new music #bands #shoegaze #jazz #post-hardcore #emo #columbus #ohio #free

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deadturquoise · 9 years

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when you fanboy really hard but then the queen has the hookup anyway <3

+

#halsey #me

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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Genre: a collection of intermingling influences such as emo, hardcore, grunge and surf.

Rant: Dead Turquoise is a one man band out of Columbus, Ohio. This is definitely something to pay close attention to when listening to this EP as the recordings sound like they were done by that of a...

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #music review #new music #surf #sludge #emo #post hardcore #bands #shoegaze #screamo #punk

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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In February of 2014, I spent two days recording this EP at The Barn Music Studio in Aguora Hills, California. It's now available for you, for free. It is by far, the most intimate, personal, and best work I've created up to this point and I hope you enjoy it.

for fans of: pianos become the teeth, isis, la dispute, deftones, seahaven, brand new.

xo, dt.

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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the season of furious seas.

...in february of this year, i recorded an EP/mini-album outside of LA with a friend of mine. the plan was to release this on vinyl as well as a cassette version with alternate artwork, original demos, and remixes by friends who make electronic music and DJ. ...there have been so many issues and delays with this product over the last 7 months; sending mixes back and forth, sending more mixes, getting stems for remixes, going back and forth with labels, waiting on remixes.... it goes on and on. i had conservatively estimated that i would have records in my hands by early august, and it is now september. ...if the demand is there, i will put out physical copies out on my own, but i'm sick of waiting around. i feel really discouraged in my collaborating with other people on this record, and it has only confirmed the fact that dead turquoise will remain a one-man project, all around. i feel like a lot of this was out of my control, and that's really disappointing when you are/were really excited to put out your most personal work yet. regardless, i want these songs to be heard, enjoyed, hated, whatever... so, the season of furious seas will be available for free download online this tuesday, 9/9/14. please give it a listen.

Tracklist:

Fleurdelis

Paperback Summer

Sutures

Tybee

Deep Turbulence

I'll Never Be Your Sailor

...Like a Ghost

xo dt.

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #new album #new music #new record #surf #sludge #emo #grunge #post-hardcore #bands #new ep #music #album art #tuesday

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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....screwing around today. i like the vocals better on this one.

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #acoustic #covers #iris #goo goo dolls #me #bands

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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yelled my way through a goo goo dolls cover.

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #iris #goo goo dolls #acoustic #cover #emo #sleeping with sirens #bands #johnny rzeznik

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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new (old) stuff. enjoy.

xo dt.

#dead turquoise #this year's oil beach #surf #sludge #screamo #emo #shoegaze #grunge #metal #new music #bands #ohio #doom #stoner

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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In March of 2013 I spent a couple days in Athens and recorded a track with my friend Logan at the Ohio University studio. The mixes never got quite finished, so I tracked down the files and remixed the song myself. It's called This Year's Oil Beach. It's sludgy, and I hope you enjoy it.

The B-side has a live version of the song that was recorded with Leo around the same time at ACRN, the OU college radio station.

listen and download for free at: deadturquoise.bandcamp.com

#deadturquoise #dead turquoise #sludge #metal #hardcore #emo #bands #new music #new single #columbus #ohio #athens #ohio university #screamo #grunge

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deadturquoise · 10 years

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