feisty-spirit-bear

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Amazing, though, don’t you think? A starwhale.

[feisty-spirit-bear]

When the "sexual" part of demisexual kicks in

#ace representation #ace #greysexual #grey ace #gray ace #gray asexual #asexual #asexuality #demisexual #demiromantic #its been so long #what the hell #what is happening

[feisty-spirit-bear]

[feisty-spirit-bear]

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Doctor Who | The End of Time - Part I

[feisty-spirit-bear]

River, they were your parents. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think. — It doesn’t matter. — Of course it matters.

DOCTOR WHO | 7x05 “The Angels Take Manhattan”

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Doctor Who + text posts [5/?]

↪ Eleventh Doctor era edition

[feisty-spirit-bear]

[feisty-spirit-bear]

[feisty-spirit-bear]

I've started saying "I'm alright" or "pretty okay" in response to "How are you doing" instead of the automatic "I'm good". Its a small difference and even if it's still not entirely accurate when I'm doing real bad, I've found it to be so freeing to be just a little bit more honest to my inner self

#life with mental illness #mental health #depression #mental illness #generalized anxiety disorder #anxiety #anxiety problems #depression problems #bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd problems

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Update: he's my best friend now

When all of your attachment objects start distancing so your brain starts frantically reaching out for a new safe attachment and picks that One Person That is Definitely Not Allowed™

#quiet bpd #bpd feels #bpd #living with bpd #life with mental illness #mental health #mental illness #borderline personality problems #borderline personality disorder #attachment #anxious attachment #insecure attachment #anxiety problems #bpd problems

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Me, holding myself by the shoulders: Look me in the eye. Listen very carefully. We are going to use the +30 sec button, but it only need to be in there for 10. Okay? Pull it out after 10 seconds.

Me, nodding: Got it. +30 sec, but pull it out after 10.

Me, 27 seconds later: DAMN IT

#adhdlife #adhd #add #adhd mood #adhd post #adhd brain #adhd life #executive dysfunction

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Relationship object permanence is hell.

I don't often actually feel the love people have for me, not deep down, not really. And I'm sure it's frustrating for them that I don't believe them and they can probably feel my discomfort and know that it's not sinking in.

I can think of a few times in my life where I REALLY felt it. It's been a while but last night I did with my best friend as I was keeping him up until 3am just working through my feelings and fears and pain. What he said pierced to my soul and I almost couldn't handle it, but it was real and tangible and unbelievable.

Its painful to not feel loved majority of the time but it sure makes those few times extra special and maybe that's worth it.

Maybe the scarcity makes it special

#bpd problems #bpd #bpd feels #living with bpd #quiet bpd #life with mental illness #mental health #love #friendship love #depression #anxiety

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Me: *has downtime at work waiting for a project*

Me: *has an audiobook to listen to*

Me: *has a podcast to listen to*

Me: *has a book to read for therapy*

Me: *has a binder full of comic books I brought to reread during downtime*

Me: *has adulting tasks to be done*

Me: ugh Im caught up on my YouTube subs, I'm SO BORED

#executive dysfunction #im bored #adhd #adhdlife

[feisty-spirit-bear]

It was the way he looked at me that told me he Understood and he Knew.

The group was going hiking and I had a tank top so my harshly scarred shoulder was visible. Everyone else in the group knew about it except him and one other guy but I decided not to worry about it because this was the summer of Not Worrying About It with the People I Trust. Plus it was like 108° out, no way was I wearing a t shirt.

I figured he would do what everyone else did when they first saw; see, look away to avoid the connection, awkwardly avoid eye contact to not make me uncomfortable until it's covered and they can go back to not having to be worried that I think they're judging me and forget about it.

But with him, it was different. His eyes drifted over to the scars and then back to my face and I could see in his eyes that he Understood. He Understood what it meant and what I'd felt and what had happened and he Knew how it felt and why.

And I'd never felt more Seen. And I'd never felt more Understood. And I felt cared for.

He seemed surprised when I said I Knew about him too, or at least was 99% sure, but how could I not when it was written in those heart broken eyes that quietly said "Not you too... I can suffer like that but I don't want that torment for you. So I will care for you so the pain can stop"

Because he Understood.

#life with mental illness #mental health #solidarity #friendship #friends #depression problems #life with depression #depression #quiet bpd #bpd feels #living with bpd #bpd #love #healing #healingjourney #self healing #anxiety problems #anxiety

[feisty-spirit-bear]

Ayyye same energy as last night

You kno that bpd moment when ur friends ignore you, so you isolate yourself to feel in control of your abandonment fears, but then they don't reach out to you, reinforcing those feelings of abandonment and its a cycle until you're literally just a l o n e™

[feisty-spirit-bear]

You know that conundrum where you are super anxious your friend doesn't like you anymore and you could just reach out and get some validation so you aren't anxious anymore but if your anxiety is right and they don't then it would be worse to hear it and that risk is too much so instead you just curl up in a ball and slowly die inside

Gotta love that lack of relationship object permanence

#bpd feels #quiet bpd #living with bpd #bpd #bpd problems #anxiety #depression #mental health #anxious attachment #anxious #relationship object permanence issues