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ilovewriting06 · 2 days

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Mischief and Angel- Part 14

I DID NOT PROOFREAD THIS SO I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY TYPOS!!!!

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"Oh my goodness! Look at her! Dad look!"

I chuckle from where I'm curled against Stiles on the couch as Noah sighs, "I'm watching Stiles."

I snort as Lola glares at Noah when Stiles pouts, "Da, sad!"

I smile as Noah looks at Lola in exasperation, "He isn't sad, he's just being dramatic."

Lola flashes her eyes before toddling her way over to Stiles and lifting her arms, "Da, up."

Stiles lifts her up to sit on his lap before Lola wiggles to face him and grabs his cheeks, "Da, 'mile."

I bite my lip to hold in a laugh as Lola uses a hand to push up the corner of Stiles' mouth in an attempt to make him smile. I can see Stiles trying to resist a smile but he cracks and lets out a happy chuckle that causes him to smile.

Lola grins in victory before turning to look at me from where my head is resting on Stiles' shoulder, "Mama, Da happy."

I squeeze Stiles' arm as I answer Lola, "Of course he is, he has you!"

I poke her in the stomach lightly when I say 'you' which causes her to squeal in laughter and wiggle in Stiles' hold. One thing we've learned over the last week since I've woken from my 'coma' and Lola has started to walk and talk is that she is extremely ticklish

We've also learned that she is extremely protective and she occasionally growls at people when they make Stiles and I sad or upset, even if we're actually just messing around.

I snap back to the present when Lola gets her feet back on the ground and she takes off like a bullet to the backdoor that just closed as someone entered the house. I can't help but smile at what comes next, "Un'tle Scoot!"

I bury my face in Stiles' neck as my body shakes in laughter. Lola absolutely loves Scott but she cannot for the life of her say Scott. We assume she took to him so quickly because he's technically her alpha now, although she would take Stiles and I's side over his any day.

Stiles squeezes my thigh where his hand is resting as Scott appears in the doorway with Lola on his hip, "Hey guys! Mom said she'll be over later but she'll need a ride since I took the car."

I perk up at this before unwrapping myself from Stiles and jumping to my feet, "I'll do it! I want to talk with her anyways."

Before I can get too far Stiles reaches out to grab my hand. I stop and look at him to see his wide eyes as he whispers, "Y/n, it's okay."

I scowl before shaking my head, "No, it isn't and you know it."

He goes to protest before I cut him off, "Look at it this way, if the roles would have been reversed and it was me instead of you and Noah instead of Mom, would you let it go without talking to him?"

Stiles sighs in defeat before releasing my hand. I give him a reassuring smile before turning around to see a grimacing Scott, "Just, don't be too harsh."

I raise an eyebrow in question before crossing my arms, "I just want to have a conversation with her, how well it goes depends on her."

Scott nods before turning to Lola, "What do you say, Lola, want to go play with Kira outside?"

Lola perks up before nodding, "RA-RA!"

Scott laughs before heading back towards the door before stopping and turning to Stiles, "You should come outside dude, we can hang out while the girls play with Lola."

Stiles nods and waves his hand, "Yeah, I'll be out in a second!"

Scott nods before heading back out the door. Stiles stands from the couch and wraps an arm around my waist as he kisses my cheek, "Love you, be careful."

I smile and turn to give him a quick kiss and frown when he tilts his head causing my lips to hit his cheek before I nod, "Always am Mischief."

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I take a deep breath before climbing out of the car and closing the door a little harder than necessary. This talk has been coming for about a week and it's only waited this long because I wanted some time to cool down and think about what to say before I tried to have an adult conversation.

When I walk through the door I yell, "Hey Mom!"

"In the kitchen!"

I walk into the kitchen to see Mom putting the dishes away before I lean against the island, "When you're done can we talk?"

She hums as she glances over her shoulder, "Mhmm, Lola doing okay?"

I run a hand through my hair before taking a deep breath, "Uh, yeah, yeah Lola's good, great even. Becoming quite the little motormouth and I swear she's channeling the Flash every now and then. Damn near sprints through the house."

Mom chuckles as she closes the cabinet and hangs the dish towel, "Sounds like she takes after her parents, and her uncle for that matter. You know, when you and Scott were that age it took everything in me to get you to stay in clothes and be quite and to keep Scott from running out the door every five minutes. For your sake I hope you never have twin werewolves, or werefoxes, or whatever else they could be."

I sigh before shrugging, "I'd have Stiles if that happened, we'd manage just fine."

Mom raises an eyebrow and leans against the counter so that she's facing me, "Everything okay, Honey?"

I lick my bottom lip before looking into her eyes, "No. Everything is not okay."

Her eyebrows furrow in concern as she asks, "What's wrong? Are you and Stiles okay? Did you have a fight?"

My jaw twitches before I shake my head, "No, Stiles and I are fine...I think. The real question is are me and you okay?"

She straightens with wide eyes, "What?"

I close my eyes and take a breath to reel in my growing anger before looking back at Mom, "Stiles, Mom. What you said to him. How you made him feel."

She frowns and shakes her head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me Mom, he told me what happened and what you said to him. God! Mom what made you say those things?!"

Her eyes dart around before stubbornness takes over her features, "He told you?!"

I narrow my eyes, "Yeah, well when I wake up and he looks absolutely gutted because he blames himself for something he had absolutely nothing to do with, I tend to get a little concerned! But I had to pry it out of him, he was holding onto what you said like he was Fort Knox because he didn't want me to be mad at you."

She brushes a stray hair out of her face as she sighs, "Look, I was scared and angry, it just slipped out. I didn't mean any of it."

"Yeah, well it made enough of an impact to make him cry. He cried as he begged me to forgive him. Forgive him! Mom, whatever you said to him impacted him enough that he still feels guilty. It's been a week and every now and then I can still feel his guilt eating away at him when he looks at me. He looks at me and he's bubbling over in guilt and self despair. Do you know how much that hurts? Not just him but me too! He hesitates to kiss me! Sure, he holds me closer than ever before but whenever I kiss him, he hesitates. I've kissed him a total of three times since I woke up, and he's freaked out each time and looked terrified. Like the simplest touch is going to send me running and screaming. Never, not once since I've met him has he looked at me like this!"

"Like what?"

My eyes flash as a small growl rumbles in his chest, "Like I'm going to break his heart! Like I'm going to change my mind and blame him for every single damn thing that has ever happened to me. It's killing me Mom, because it's killing him. It hurts, to see him like this."

Mom steps forward to stand on the opposite end of the island, "What do you want me to do about it?"

I stare at her opening and closing my mouth before hissing, "What can you do? WHAT CAN YOU DO?! FUCKING APOLOGIZE!"

Her frown deepens as she points at me, "Watch your mouth young lady!"

I raise an eyebrow as Lily bares her teeth, "Do. Not. I am asking you as your daughter to just apologize to him."

She sighs, "I already did Y/n."

I flick my tongue over the tip of my fangs before letting them recede into my gums, "Then do it again! And mean it this time!"

She leans across the counter before laying a hand across my hand, "Okay, if it really means that much to you, I will."

I shake my head in sadness, "You just don't get it do you?"

She raises an eyebrow and I frown before pulling my hand away from under hers, "Mom, he's my mate, my fiancé, my soon to be husband, your son, Momma, he's my world. Lola is too, she means the world to me too but Stiles, I can't...I can't live without him!"

She frowns, "The mate bond won't let him leave."

"Really? That's what you got from this? Jesus, forget it, just fucking forget it."

I go to storm out of the kitchen before turning around, "You know what, no! He can't physically leave, but mentally? Emotionally? He can check the fuck out right there whenever he fucking wants."

Mom has the decency to cringe slightly, "He won't, he loves you far too much for that to happen."

A small smile tugs at my lips before it drops down into a frown again, "That's not how guilt works Mom, he loves me, I know he does, but he won't touch me because he loves me."

"You just said he held you all the time."

She looks confused and I rub the bridge of my nose in disbelief that I have to talk about this with my mother, "No Mom, he won't touch me. Which means no more grandchildren for you."

Her eyes widen in recognition when she figures out what I'm talking about, "Oh, well how does me apologizing fix...that?"

I groan in exasperation, "Because he won't treat my like an unstable nuclear bomb that is going to explode if he believes that no one thinks he's at fault for me being hurt."

Mom nods before realization finally flows through her, "Oh my God. Oh my God! I-what I said made him think that?"

I give her a deadpan look remembering where Scott got his denseness from before sighing, "Yes, mother, what you said. You are the one that put all this guilt and doubt in his head and I think you're the only one that can dissipate it too."

She shakes her head in disbelief before clearing her throat, "Okay, let's go. I need to apologize. I never realized it would affect him that bad. I was just angry and, and he was there. I'm sorry Y/n/n."

I shake off the rest of my anger before nodding, "It's okay."

Before we get in the car I stop and turn to Mom, "Oh, and Mom?"

She nods expectantly so I continue, "If you ever, and I mean ever, disrespect my mate again, you'll regret it. I don't care if you're my mother, I love you, I do, but Stiles and Lola are my first priorities so when you disrespect one of them, Lily comes out to play...and she plays dirty."

Mom lets out a nervous chuckle before opening the passenger door, "Yeah, got it, don't piss of Lily."

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When we walk into the house I pause and tune my ears into Stiles' heartbeat. I point towards the back door before glancing at Mom, "He's outback with everyone else."

"The house is empty? Even Amelia and her pack?"

I nod with a small hum, "Yeah, Amelia and a few of her pack are out looking at houses and land and stuff so they can move out. They're wanting to stay close since we've become allies and offer more protection for the kids."

Mom nods before walking to the backdoor with me following close behind. Once we're standing on the porch I clear my throat and look at Stiles before speaking, "Mischief!"

He looks up and turns to look at me before raising an eyebrow, "Yeah?"

I throw a thumb over my shoulder pointing to the door behind us, "Can you come inside real quick?"

I feel the nerves and anxiety flood Stiles which Lola must feel to because she stops playing with Kira and looks at Stiles with a scowl. I hold back a smile as Stiles makes his way onto the porch as the boys yell, "SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE NOW!"

I roll my eyes before leading Mom and Stiles into the house and into the living room. When we're all sitting I turn to Stiles, "I can step outside if you want?"

He grabs my hand and squeezes before shaking his head, "No, stay."

I nod before settling onto the couch and rubbing soothing circles on the back of Stiles' hand. Mom is sitting in the chair across from the couch as she looks at Stiles, "Stiles, I'm so sorry for what I said to you when Y/n was missing. I didn't mean any of it and I took out all my emotions on you which wasn't fair to you."

Stiles nods, "Yeah, yeah I know, it's okay Mel."

Mom's frown deepens as she scooches to the edge of the chair and shakes her head, "Stiles, no it isn't. I hurt you, I hurt my son and that isn't okay."

Stiles makes a small wounded sound which has Mom looking teary eyed, "Sweetie, you may not be my biological son but I knew within a week of Scott being your friend that you weren't going anywhere, ever. I was so happy when you finally asked Y/n out because I couldn't think of anyone better for her and now you're almost officially my son-in-law, but even without the title you're my son. I love you as much as I love Scott and I would do anything to make sure you stay safe and the fact that I hurt you is tearing me up inside."

I look up at Stiles to see him teary eyed and sad. I scooch even closer before Mom continues, "Stiles, what happened to Y/n is not your fault. Nothing you could have done would have stopped it and you found her within hours and you saved her life. You did more than any of us did and I truly believe that without you, she would be dead, so Stiles if anything, you're the reason she isn't laying somewhere lifeless."

I feel the guilt within Stiles start to melt away and I find that most of my stress goes with it. Stiles takes a shuddery breath before he's standing and being engulfed in a hug by Mom. She rocks him side to side as she kisses his cheek, "I love you sweetheart and next time I say something that hurts you, just know that I don't mean it...and then have Y/n come smack me because I sure as hell deserved it this time."

Stiles chuckles into her hair before pulling away, "You got it Mel."

She finally smiles and pats his shoulder, "Well then, I'm going to go find my granddaughter and steal some baby cuddles."

Once she's outside I turn to Stiles, "Mischi-."

"Thank you."

I look at Stiles with wide eyes, "What?"

He pulls me off the couch before cupping my cheek, "Thank you for making her apologize."

I lean into his warm touch before sighing, "I didn't make her do anything, she wanted to once she realized how much she had hurt you. Do you believe me now that it wasn't your fault?"

He quirks a small smile and nods, "Mostly, a part of me will always think there was something else I could have done but your mom was right, you're alive, and that's all that matters."

I don't get a chance to reply because I'm being pulled into a kiss that I've been craving for the last week.

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A/n- I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! There was some drama with my baby daddy and his family🙄 Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the update and let me know what you think!

Tag List: @ah-blossom @gabby988 @zanypaintermoon

#stiles stilinski #teen wolf #dylan o’brien #scott mccall #stiles stilinksi x reader #dylan o’brien x reader #allison argent #stiles x reader #isaac lahey #lydia martin #mischief and angel #melissa mccall #noah stilinski #derek hale #kira yukimura #erica reyes #vernon boyd

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balloonboyismyson · 3 months

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I swear if i saw monty sleeping like that... Giving him a belly rub.

Do you think it would be super soothing if like he opens his stomach hatch while we are lying down and I put my head inside do you think the sounds of whirring would be louder and extremely comforting do you think.

#Clownie honks #asks #//New desire unlocked!#//I am SO upset I cannot actually do this

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inkskinned · 2 years

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i hate how commodity and capitalism has ruined so much storytelling . i hate how sequels and prequels and whatever else all ring like merch sales; i hate that i as an author have to include any social media following i have as a marketable trait; i hate that everything feels like a xerox of a copy of a dream of a memory.

i hate that my nostalgia has been turned into profit. i hate that companies fear consumer backlash so no real commentary may be made; i hate that companies care more about quantity over quality. i hate that so many artists and creators are being overworked to the point of complete collapse rather than being allowed to tell the story their way. i hate that every point of representation has to be fought for. i hate it i want us all to go back to living in a cave .

when you sit with friends over a bonfire and the night is getting long and people start telling this slow, almost hypnotic story - in this quiet voice, like they don't expect you to listen while they say the most fucked up shit you've ever heard - that is storytelling. who cares if the punchline is car hand hook door. storytelling has always been about community, about us all sitting in the dark, choosing to fill the silence while the last embers are dying. we forgot that storytelling is spellwork. hallucinating together, our breaths held, waiting for the ending we already knew was coming.

#this is specifically due to my rage and undying hatred of megacorporation #disney.#and specifically bc i think there COULD have been a really good series of new #dinosaur island t rex movies #if they had just fucking gone the distance #stopped with the fucking bad CGI #and made the whole thing about late-stage capitalism #do you wanna know what would ACTUALLY sell and work on the big screen more than a trex screaming in front of a volcano #(u absolute jerkweeds)?#so they've rebuilt the island and the park. but the narrative is 100%#that nobody wants to fucking work there and it feels AT BEST cult-like and insular. nobody is paid well for this #at EVERY possible place they are cutting corners. the dinosaurs might have higher walls #but the handlers are paid 5.34 an hour due to island laws. the corporation has RFID tags in their costumes which they are forced to wear #the employees are not allowed to drink water in 120 degree heat bc it would be upsetting to guests #u know real things i experienced working for disney #(but it was 8.90)#anyway it turns out the park CEO knew the risks and just didnt care bc bottom line BAYBEE.#it would be so much more sobering and fucking GOOD if it was like. scientists being like ''i am an environmental scientist''#''after the epa was slashed this is literally the only job i could find. i literally HAD to take it or i couldn't feed my family.''#''i hate what i do. i am disgusted by it. i literally CANNOT STOP because the company also charges us 400 dollars a week to live here''#the dinosaurs escape EARLY in my movie. like minute 45. and then... 1 week later #the park reopens.#half the staff are missing. they're just fucking gone. it doesn't matter tho the company tells everyone to work 2x as hard #that those people weren't loyal enough or they are tragic heroes bc they died doing what they love #and the movie isn't like ''wow dinosaurs scary!!!'' it's...#that in a global fucking pandemic disney kept sacrificing employees.#but it'll be disguised bc the pandemic will be dinosaurs.#this my beloved is what we call an ALLEGORY but unfortunately certain companies have never heard of them #allegories require critical thinking and that doesn't test well with audiences

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flipomatic · 1 year

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#rwby #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #penny polendina #nuts and dolts #rwby volume 9 #rwby volume 9 spoilers #rwby 9 #spoilers #I AM LOISNG MY MIND LJSADGKJ SFA:DLJG #I CANNOT #NO #BLOODY HELL #if we do not see penny's actual spirit in the tree I'm going to be so upset #because #this #jesus christ #all of this #way to twist the knife neo

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starjunkyard · 3 months

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A scene of foreman telling house in ep21 s8 that "persevering through pain for loved ones... isn't that what life is?" before being followed up by a scene of house screaming at taub in the middle of the hospital hallway that life is pain. Life is pain. His entire life is pain. How he wakes up everyday and thinks about ending it. And yet hes still fucking here and what is that if not a confirmation that house's entire life is lived for wilson

Its so like. Because from an outsider's perspective its so childish. Its so out of bounds though thats completely in character for house; you don't tell people whether they should live or die, least of all if they're diagnosed with a terminal illness you know will suck the life out of them every second they aren't in the ground. You don't get to tell people that you dont have that right but. But. but

House is here and house is in pain. He's hurting and he's been hurting and he wants that to end but its been an unspoken agreement for years that wilson would never forgive house if he just gave up. Wilson would never let him do that. He would never ever forgive house for that not ever

So house is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is alive!!!!!!!!!!!! Because wilson is his best friend and house cannot live in a world where wilson hates him even if he isnt around to feel it. So house persevered through the pain he grit his teeth and just kept fucking Going because wilson hating him is a worse fate than any infarcture any perpeptual state of chronic pain, a fate worse than anything

Before stacy before cuddy before everything it was new orleans and wilson in that cell. House has been living for wilson. House's entire life past the infarcture and the pain and the pain and the pain has been for wilson. He has been living in unimaginable pain for 20 years because its been an unspoken agreement that i need you i want you you need me you want me. I need you here you cant go anywhere You cant leave me

20 years of being in a perpeptual unending state of chronic pain. Years of living under this unspoken agreement, being bound to this contract that keeps you screaming keeps you hurting keeps you gutted and emptied out but you never minded it, you never left. you let it take you because you love him. Because you love him he loves you and he lets you love him and thats enough

So can you imagine what a slap in the face it is to have him tell you outright that he wont live for you.

That his life, his death: it'll be about him. All this whilst your entire life has belonged to him. Your life your death everything you've ever done its been about him for him. For him. And you feel furious and cheated to tears because its then that you realise he never even asked. You gave it to him handed your bleeding beating heart warm and fresh to him on a silver fucking platter and he never even asked for it. But you're asking him now. You're actually asking him you're begging him, you are begging him you're telling him that you love him, and he's saying no? He's saying no?

Can you even begin to imagine-- just a fraction of that betrayal? That humiliation? I've fucking grit my teeth weathered 20 years of pain i stayed alive because i knew that you wanted me to-- because i knew that you loved me and you wanted me to stay, and that was fine, because i loved you too. And i never even made you say it. I never made you say the words because i thought it was something we both understood intrensically, down to the bone-- and still im telling you now that i need you that i love you and now the deal's just off?

I weathered through 20 years of pain because surely you would have done the same for me-- and you're telling me now that your life is going to be lived on your own terms? when my entire life has been lived for you? When ive been in hell for 20 years just so i could keep loving you? You; you looked at me in the eyes, led me on had the gall to keep me alive-- just to sit here now and tell me that the agreement ive lived my whole life around was a one-man deal? That you cant be bothered to stick your heels in the dirt a little, grit your teeth and go through a quarter fraction of the hell ive gone through so that you stay here! can be here Be Here and keep continuing to love me when ive been doing that wordlessly thanklessly for 20 years? How could you make me ask? How could you tell me no?

How could you keep me alive and breathing if you knew that this was even remotely in the realm of possibility? You kept me in the dark-- knew this whole time that leaving this friendship could actually be an option for you-- and you kept me alive?

#Oungh #Hrrggh #HHhnjj #HHAOUHH #Its been 5 months and i am on. the last episode of house md #5 months of this #Its beating my ass you can probably tell. Im genuinely a fucking wreck #I know what happens. Watching it actually play out is a whole other fucking ballpark #I cannot do this man it hurts #House is telling him that he loves him and hes so upset and angry and afraid and its making him something wild #He deliberately tried to kill a patient. He actually tried to murder a patient #Hes telling him that he needs him that he loves him and its not enough and hes pulling every string and its not enough #Nothing is enough and hes grasping handfuls of sand grasping at straws for the first time in houses life he cannot fix this #He is helpless in every sense of the word no amount of spite of diagnostic skill of wit will fix this #Gregory house is truly absolutely helpless and his best friend is dying and hes going to Watch #house md #gregory house #james wilson #johan being crazy about yaoi md #house md meta #hilson meta #relationship analysis #character analysis

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grmpgm · 13 days

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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually

#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can #i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed #i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline #my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up #and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf #it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do #it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time #kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly #it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly #it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person #it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional #worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses #it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better #and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL

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queenimmadolla · 8 months

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all i can think about is how fucking hot it would be to get high and fuck eddie munson to Agora Hills

#eddie munson #i am so upset that i cannot actually do this #doja cat

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dandyshucks · 2 months

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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads #which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those #so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time #i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos #ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl #the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl #every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community #i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos #it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl #i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl #(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later #dandyshucks

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fembutchboygirl · 2 months

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I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

#i am trembling #i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god #im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you #i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it #i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked)#but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff?#stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head #but still. absolutely fucking deranged.#ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually #just has bpd??????#sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up #much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7)#you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been #repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick #get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚#and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.#p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up #like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife #my posts

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astro-inthestars · 11 months

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Welp I've gotten myself busy because of a sudden burst of inspiration to draw the responses to this post .....and thus I've drawn myself three new fursonas. (5 if you count the quadrupedal versions-)

Anyways! Here's the first input!

@just-jammin @the-real-aurora-borealis in that order <3 they assigned me ferret!! Plus points for galaxy ferret, or starry stoat!

Next up:

@twipsai this one's Twippy's and I adore it <3 btw <3 Arctic Fox!!

And last one!

This one's from @thefunnyalice !! First time being assigned a bird, and honestly I love that!! Perfect bird drawing practice <3

(...except his ass did not draw the normal bird version because it was too hard but shHH.)

#astroarts #yeah yeah i ended up doing this (vERY IMPULSIVELY) instead of my art requests. so what #when i heard the things yall were assigning me i was just like 👀!!!!! oK BUT LIKE?#these all SLAY?#im like ridiculously proud of each of these....#i always knew i was never really good at... like ACTUAL furry art-#like full fursonas and stuff i was bad at drawing those... though i am most definitely a bonafide furry (which i was upset about)#(furry cannot draw fursona?? cring /j)#no but seriously though i. actually did really well with these. obviously some of it is wonky but like!!!#for someone who has a ROUGH TIME with drawing animals I did ridiculously well?#usually i'd only be able to put animal attributes on a human bUT HEY #WAIT I SHOULD TELL ROWAN!! THEY'D BE SO PROUD OF ME ITS BEEN SO LONG OHH MY FURRY AUNCLE!! YEAH #anyway BACK ON YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PRIDE ART <3 ooPS SPOILERS

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early-october-skies · 17 days

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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

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britcision · 1 year

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Listen. Could Dead and Loving It be a fraction of the length and maybe finished by now if I only focused on Danny and Jason?

Possibly

Would it be a better story?

Probably, from several perspectives

But it absolutely would not be the same story, and nor would it be the story I want to tell

Because I am hopelessly addicted to ensemble casts, and I don’t want the boys to exist in a vacuum. I want Jason to run off with his siblings and with Danny’s friends, and I want Danny to fuck with the bats

I want them to touch all the parts of each others lives that existed before they met, and will still continue to exist after even if things change forever between them

I want all the background characters to interact with each other, have their own inner worlds and their own motivations, and yeah, this absolutely means this is not an efficient telling of a slow burn romance

Because the story isn’t the slow burn romance

The story is these two people, and the world they live in, the story is the way Duke and Cass both see Jason differently than Dick and Tim ever could and that matters, and that none of them are wrong

The story is Danny finally telling people who will listen about the Anti-Ecto Acts, and all the fucked up things the GIW do, and being able to ask for help and have that be okay

The story is messy and complicated and will have so many rises and falls, so many pivotal moments that are drama and combat and so many that are just two people talking to each other and finally seeing eye to eye

The story is the way that Jason’s relationships with his family can finally mend, now that he has someone who can get him the help he’s needed

The story is the way that Danny can come to terms with the responsibilities of being a king, the constant question of agency and power and what he’s worth if he’s only Danny and not the Ghost King

The story is Clockwork fucking with the pair of them because he specifically thinks it’s funny (he’s right)

And yeah, there’s a slow burn romance in there. There’s also a coming of age tale, and a story about healing and reconciling and moving forward knowing you cannot change the past, but you can do better

Unless fucking Clockwork decides you can change the past because yeah then it’s fine to just go do that I guess

I was kinda considering breaking the story out into multiple chunks because holy fuck is 100k an intimidating chunk of words, but I’m not gonna

It’s all one story, and you will be my hapless victims as we get to fucking 300k or wherever this beast ends because we are not here for efficient story telling and motion of the plot

We’re here for the connections, the characters, the meaningless bullshit that would absolutely be cut in anything anyone ever wanted to sell, cuz I am not selling this

Imma write every fucking scene I wish I got from books, TV, movies, podcasts, actual plays, every fucking time I scream at the characters to just fucking talk to each other because messy is good too

Messy is okay

Stories don’t need to be marketable to be worth telling, and this one’s gonna be too long and intimidating for some people and that’s okay

But I fuckin’ rolled in from Critical Role which averages around 500 hours of content per campaign and a cast of 7 plus Matt’s NPCs

And I STILL want more goddamn character moments from all of them so I haven’t found a size yet that I can’t manage

I love reading focused stories that I can get through fast, and fuck, look at the rest of my AO3; I will fucking never diss a one shot, or a short story, or a piece that really focuses in on one or two characters

Delicious, I love them, my bread and butter

It’s just not what this mess is gonna be, and that’s okay too

Gods be fucking willing we will not have another six chapters that take place over the course of three hours, but we’ll just have to see how that shakes out cuz I’m being possessed by a seemingly infinite number of plot bunnies and my own tendency for “hey it’d be funny if”

And oh boy has it been funny every time

#danny fenton dead and loving it #i swear i can do short stories #i’m just not #also yeah 300k if we’re lucky based on my outlines so far #some of this will go faster but we’ll see #totally was gonna let tim just google amity park with tucker’s advice in mind but then #then my brain went ‘hey how funny would it be if danny just forgot they can’t contact amity’#‘and tim couldn’t find a way around needing the amity park ip’#so now we get a bunch more frustrated bat sibs #and i regret nothing #fucking adding like 5k to the story but it’s 5k of CRIME #and my sweet beloved darling harley #i did actually read all her comics up to 2018 #only dc character i go for but i am considering some red hood #mostly to see how upset comic store owners get when i ask for my 6’ of babygirl #no business for them if they got that toxic masculinity i only shop where cat maid hood rules #which fucking cannot be found online i’m heartbroken

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