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screaminglygay · 7 months

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KINKTOBER day 5

pairing: ghostface! sam carpenter x fem!reader

summary: you and sam are besties, but do you tell each other everything? (what is this? i dunno)

warnings: smut!!!, dom!sam x sub!reader, sam is a big meanie for a little, spanking, degradation, dirty talk, swearing, killing mentioned, tiny bit of knife play, slapping, crying, not proofread, if anything else, let me know - I’ll add it

word count: 4.4k

an: enjoy I guess, let me know your opinions, also thanks for so much support with wanda, tbh I though that it won’t do this great, but it did and all of you are so horny freaks, including myself, but truly I appreciate it!!!💕💕

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky season and be safe!

The phone rings again, hidden caller. Picking up a secret number is really not your style. You let it ring, if they truly need you, they will write you a message.

Buzz.

Oh and they do need something important. You take your phone and look at the notification.

Hidden number

8:36PM

Call me ASAP, please! I can´t open the excel!

You calmed down a little bit as it was probably your classmate and accidentaly made their phone number hidden. Taking a deep breath before calling someone was always your go to thing, since the whole situation is very stressfull, you´d much rather write a long paragraph over a text, then just call someone. But since it´s about school, you´re less nervous.

You finger touch the last missed call and it starts to ring, as soon as you see that the other side picked it up, you started to speak.

"Hey! Sorry, I didn´t hear the phone. Anyways what´s going on with that file?" You took your notebook in case you have to make step by step tutorial to your classmate, because it wouldn´t be for the first time.

"No one ever told you lying is bad, (Y/N)?" You didnt recognize the voice, it wasn´t a voice you remember anyone having from your class, or the whole school. It was deep, raspy and mostly scary. You didn´t like horrors very much, but you were positive that you´ll get prank called or jumpscared by some idiot. And here they are, idiot on the line, at least that´s what you think.

"Haha very funny..." You´re mostly annoyed, but there is this side of little you, who is hoping this is truly your idiot classmate and no one else. "Do you wanna help with the sheet or not?"

Long big sigh can be heard on the other side. "And I thought you were a nice girl, (Y/N). Guess I was wrong. Don´t worry, we´ll work on that."

Now your little scary thought became a little bit bigger. You weren´t so sure it was someone you know.

"Who am I speaking with? Sorry, I don´t have your number added." You hoped they would say your name, you would stop panicking and it would be done it two minutes.

"Someone who likes to play games. (Y/N), would you like to play a game?" the raspy voice asked.

"No, thank you." Out of nervousness and mostly fear you hang up. You didn´t even realize until you stoped hearing the rapsy breath. Even if there was a truly a classmate who wanted a help, they shouldn´t prankcall you. Gosh how much you hated these things.

The phone didn´t ring again for quite some time, so you just let it go. Taking a long shower sounded like the best idea now. Out of the closet you took oversized shirt and some shorts and you headed to the bathroom. Doing your usual skin care routine went on automatic and brushing your teeth as well.

Coming back to your room, you notice that you left your closet opened, you sigh and close the door. Being too tired to prepare your clothes for tomorrows school day. As you lay on your bed, you hug your big teddy bear and your eyes immedietly close as you drift to sleep.

...

The next day goes smooth, first lecture was actually really interesting and you didn´t felt tired at all. You had your morning coffee and today was just a good day, you could feel it. You didn´t have those in a while, so it is very welcome.

Second lecture was indeed boring, but at least you know that the human eye blinks an average of 4 200 000 times a year, which is... a new information, that´s for sure. But the professor ended class sooner, so at least you had more time for lunch. And that´s a plus.

As you´re sitting alone, eating your lunch on a bench in a park, where you like to spend your free time between the classes, someone taps on your shoulder.

"Oh hi, Sam!" You smile, seeing your friend always makes your day better. "What are you doing here, I thought you´re working today." You scoop so Sam can sit next to you.

Sam met you when you were running late, literally. You two bumped into each other few months ago and because you spilled your coffee on her, you just had to pay for it somehow. So after you quickly gave her your number and basically sprinted out, Sam made sure you´ll keep your promise. And you did, few days after that you two met again and over a coffee realized how much things you two have in common.

She seemed like a cold and closed of person at first, but she is actually the sweetest teddy bear, as you like to call her for fun. Sam told you many times she hated it, but you made a good points that she is just so sweet, big and you feel safe when you´re around her, just like with teddy bear in your bed. And she was a taller than you, so that´s another point. After few "arguments" she actually let you win, so she is now your big and protective teddy bear.

You two started to hang out more and more, which just confirms your initial click, that Sam felt as soon as she laid her eyes on your sweet and innocent face.

"Well maybe I lied and I wanted to suprise you." Sam answers as she sits next to you.

"I am surprised," you giggle. "I have like a hour and something before my next lecture, so..." You look at your phone.

"Good." Sam smiles and tilts her head, she notices that you´re smiling ear to ear. "What got you smiling like that, (Y/N)?"

"Hm... nothing in particular, but it´s just a good day. And I´m enjoying a every single bit of it." You answer and your cheeks start to hurt a bit from all the smiling, you did in the last 10 minutes.

"Oh, I see. As you should." She nudges your arm with hers. "What are you doing after school?"

"I have to finish some excel to my statistic class, but besides that... nothing." Your thoughts are taking you back to last night and your weird call, with who you thought was your classmate.

Sam notices your smile fading and put her hand on your thigh, something she did pretty often, but it brings you butterflies everytime. "(Y/N)?"

"Hm? Yeah?" Sam just raises her eyebrow. "It´s nothing, I just had this weird person from school call me yesterday and... yeah, it was weird. A stupid prankcall." You roll your eyes.

Sam move her hand on your thigh up and down, trying to sooth you. "What did they say?"

"Just some stupid stuff, like do you want to play a game. Do I look like I want to play a game?" You sigh.

"Depends on the game. Horor game? Probably not. The Sims 4? Absolutely yes." Sam chuckles as you punch her arm.

"Every woman has her needs, mine is playing The Sims. Can you blame me?" You laugh, Sam always helps you with your bad and anxious thoughts.

The rest of your free time you two shared a lots of laughs, smiles and overall a good quality time together. Until you had to go back to your lectures, which made your day a little worse, since you wanted to keep talking to Sam.

...

Few hours later you finally finished all of your lectures for the day. You didn´t have that energy boost as you did this morning, but you´re still in a good mood. So you decided to walk from school back to your dorm. And even if it was October, it was still kinda warm outside so you put some soft music on and decided to walk.

Stepping into your dorm you notice that something is bad, you can´t point a finger on what it is, but the vibe seems off. Shaking off the feeling didn´t help for long, because as soon as you reach for your keys the ligh on the other side of the hall just turn off.

"Shit!" You flinch and your hands start to shake. As you succesfully get inside you lock your door faster than ever.

"Oh my god-" you take a few deep breaths. "It was just a light, (Y/N), everything is good. It was just a light." Mumbling out loud these words, in hopes that it will calm you down.

You turn all of your lights in your home on as a prevention for your mind from creating something that is not there. Lastly you go to your bedroom and open the door, you stop in your track in a moment when your eyes met a tall black figure next to your opened closet.

A cold shivers run down your spine, but with confidence it´s just your mind playing tricks you turn on the light even there.

But that choice just showed you, that this time, it´s not your mind playing tricks, but there is actually someone in your house. A tall black silluete turned into a big person with a black cloak and a white mask, looking like a ghost. You´ve seen this mask many times during Halloween parties. Quickly scanning the person you notice that they´re holding a knife. A knife!

"Oh fuck!" You qiuckly close your bedroom door, hoping you will get more time, but of course you had to lock all of your locks and jumping from a window was not an option since you´re living in the 9th floor.

Shit, shit, shit. Wait... I don´t hear anything.

The only thing that you can hear is your heartbeat, no steps, no breathing, just your heart. Looking back, noticing that the door you slammed shut before are now open again.

Your living in your worst shitty nightmare.

It´s a tap on your shoulder that almost makes you lose it. You let out the most horror scream in your entire life, you didn´t even think you could scream like that. The tall person with ghostface mask is standing right next to you, they shake their head and one of their hands makes it over your mouth to keep you shut. As soon as your bodies hit the floor, which suprisingly didn´t hurt at all due to all the adrenaline you have in you, right now. They pull their knife to your face and slowly slide it across your cheek, not hurting you in any way.

Your breathing gets faster and faster to the moment you feel like you start to hyperventillate.

"Hello, (Y/N). You cut our call last night, so I felt like meeting you in person, again, would help us solve the excel problem. Don´t you think?" It was the same raspy, deep voice you heard yesterday over the phone.

"I- uh s-sure." You nod as you mumble your answer agaist her hand, noting better came to your mind.

"Sure? Now you don´t have a problem with that, but yesterday you cut me off like I was a fucking no one?!" Now you were truly hoping that this is just a nightmare and you will wake up. "Isn´t it fair if i cut you off too? So you would now how it feels?" Their knife is swinging infront of your face again.

"I- No, please, don´t. I- i uh I´m sorry!" You mumble agaist their hand.

The person on top of you just laughs and bring your hand above your head and now you can´t move at all.

"I think it´s fair, you know how shitty I felt? And today you´re doing like nothing happened? Like I was just.. what did you described me as... as a weird person who said stupid stuff?" Their face coming closer to you. "I think it´s fair to show me some fucking respect." you feel a slight sweet cologne coming from that person.

A scent you know very well, It starts with a fresh burst of citrus, like a mandarin. With a little hint of vanilla and amber adds depth and warmth. This scent is a subtle and comforting, like a cherished memory to you. A cherished person, you know too well.

It can´t be...

Your eyes shift, looking over the mask again, your eyes anaylzing from side to side, like you´re trying to read their mind through the eyes on the mask.

They tilt their head again, the knife slowly going away from your face. You hope that what you thing is just a big misunderstanding, it can´t be her. Not your Sam.

"Sammy?" You mumble as their hand is going away from your mouth. Few tears forming in your eyes.

"Oh look at you, you figured it out." She takes her mask of and it was like a bullet straight through your heart. "Now be quiet or I´ll shut you up." She picks you up, like nothing and wallks quickly into your bedroom.

This was not your Sam, not your friend, she look like her, but her actions were the exact opposite of your comfort person.

She throws you at the bed and you´re now laying on your stomach, she comes closer to you again and whispers into your ear.

"Every woman has her needs, mine is playing with you, (Y/N). Can you blame me?" She chuckles as she repeat what you´ve said earlier. "Ass up." She put her hands on your hips and you put your ass up, as she told you. Too scared to do anything else. "Good girl." Sam praises you.

"S-Sam.." you whine out between with your tears streaming down your face.

"Oh shush, did no one told you to speak nicely about your friends? And not talk-" she spanks you, hard, "shit about your friends?" Sam spanks you again, this time it was even harder.

"I´m sorry, Sam- I didn´t-" you try to talk, but it´s hard when your face is burried in the pillows.

"I. Dont. Want. To. Hear. It. Now." Her voice was harsh and so was her hands on your ass with each words she growls into your ear, even when you have your clothes on, it still hurts too much. "Just take what I give you and then we might talk." Without any warning she takes your pants off, slicing your shirt and throwing it away.

"No bra?" Sam laughs. "You went the whole day without a fucking bra, you´re so pathetic, (Y/N)." She runs her knife on your back, she´s doesn´t want to hurt you really, at least not right now. "You did this on purpose? You´re look so innocent, but you´re not so innocent, are you?" Her hands find its way on your tits, she give them a tight squeeze and you can´t help, but let out a big moan.

You like this, which shock you more than the fact, that Samantha Carpenter broke into your house, just to play with you.

Her big strong arms, oh god how much you love her amrs. The way they hold you during your sleepovers, how they caught you everytime you walk into the street without looking both sides, or how they always brought comfort to you. Everytime.

But now? It´s totally different now, at least that´s what you think and Sam noticed that. And she can´t have you be thinking this much, when she wants to have her sweet time with you.

Her hands playing with your nipples, pinching each one very hard for you to come back to her. And you did, you realize just now that you´re not crying anymore, you´re just a moaning mess.

"You´re doing so good, look at you, mi amor, taking all the spanks as a punishment for how mouthy you were." You can sense the smile in her words and it´s like your Sammy is speaking to you, which instantly make your worries go away. Your body relaxes againt her and she can feel it, it´s like a small win for her. "Good, just like that."

You moan once again, it was more a needy moan than anything else. One second you´re on your stomach and the other one, you´re on your back, Sam holding your waist to scoop you closer to herself. She´s still wearing the black cloak, that don´t scare you anymore. If anything it is kinda attractive, that she´s still in her clothes and you´re just in your panties.

Looking at her with needy eyes was something that Sam saw a many times. Begging her to pick you up after school, or give you her hoodie, when you were cold. Or those many times when you cannot reach something, because it was way to high.

But this time you have this spark in your eyes, the good girl was gone, now Sam could really see the needy whore, who hid under the inoccent cover for the whole time. And this time Sam takes this as the ultimate win.

"Please-" you whine.

The most confident smirk appears on Sam´s face as her hands runs down your body, finally kissing your neck. "Please what?" Sam asks you between those sloppy kisses.

You let out another whine.

"I´m letting you speak, if i was you, i´d better use it." She bites your neck, which will definetly make a nasty bruise.

"Use me." Your move your head, so Sam has better acces to your neck.

"Oh wow, such a fitlhy words, for such a pretty little girl." She chuckles as she keep kissing your neck, her hands finding your tits again.

You never knew your nipples were this sensitive, but Sam knows. Of course she does. You feel as her hands are grooping your breasts, but you´re not satysfied, you want to see her, so you tug on her cloak and let out a whine.

"What?" She mumbles agaist your neck and then she pulls away to make eye contact with you.

"I wanna see you." You tug on her cloak again, "please."

Sam without a beat took her cloak off and she was now in her black underwear, sitting on top of you as your eyes wonder. She gives you a little time for checking her out and god you could stare at her for days. The light in your room making her muscles look even sharper, not that she needs it, but you just can´t have enough of her.

"You´re not so sad now, huh?" She smirks again, fuck how much you hated that confident smirk. Without waiting for your actual response, she dive back, her lips on your neck, making sure that after tonight everybody knows who do you belong to.

After a few minutes of Sam being basically a vampire, she starts to kiss her way down, slowly as she stops at your nipples again. Slowly, but hasrshly sucking on them, making sure to keep an eye contact with you. " Keep your eyes at me." You could cum just from watching her.

She treats you like a blank canvas, and as a skilled artist, she must make sure that you are painted with her in the end and with a pleasure you won´t forget.

Her big muscular hands are sliding down your body, pinching your inner thighs to tease you. She knows what you want, but she won´t give in that easily, even when you´re looking at her with those cute and innocent eyes.

Your hands are sliding off your panties, but Sam qiuckly takes your hands. "They are staying on and keep your hands above your head." Her raspy voice sends shivers down your pussy, that is now drenched, because of her touches and skilled movements.

You put your hands back above your head, wiggling a little to show Sam how impatient you are. She just sends you a quick slap on your thigh and you giggle.

Her finger slowly going up and down your clothed pussy, you can already see how wet your panties are and if Sam wasn´t that needy, she would make fun of you. Seeing you like this gives her so much power and let´s be real you are really feeding her ego.

"Sam!" You move your hips up, hoping she will actually do something.

"(Y/N)!" She mocks you with innocent smile on her face.

"Fuck- I need your fucking hands in me or I swear I´m gonna lose it!" You did lose it already.

"You want my fucking hand in you? You like my hands?" Sam whispers.

"I do! So much! I need your big hands in me, please!" You shift towards her again.

"Aww pretty little girl, do you think that your pussy will take my big hands?" Sam´s finger barerly toucing your slit.

"Yes! I can take it!" You think that you will be crying from the frustration.

"Say it."

"My little pussy will take your big fucking fingers! Hands! Whatever you give me, I can take it, Samantha!" You groan.

"Oh you´re using my full name, you really need it, huh?" She smirks again, but your wish is her command and in the end she wants to make you feel good. Pushing your panties to the side, your juices are everywhere and god she loves it.

"Is this for me?" Sam softly asks.

"Only for you." You give her a small smile.

"In that case-" she slides her two fingers in you, slowly pushing in and out. Sam already feels your pussy pulsating and her fingers get almost swallowed by you. "Oh wow, I was so wrong about you and I´m so happy I was." She adds another finger.

You whine, you feel aready so close, your pussy is feeling like it´s on fire, your hips going up and down and Sam´s just enjoying the view. You want more, so you feel like grabing Sam´s hand is a good idea. She raises her eyebrow and slip her fingers out of you.

You whine out, immedietly feeling empty, you feel like you gonna burst out, you really need to cum, but now you lost everything that felt good.

Sam slaps your pussy one time, but damn it´s painful. "I said, keep your hands to yourself." Her fingers slides quickly back into you, both of you know, that you´re very close.

"Ple-" you can´t even finish the word without a moan.

"Go on, scream. I want you to fucking scream my name, mi amor." She uses both of her hands now, one sliding in and out of you and the other one playing with your clit, which is something that gets you over the edge pretty easily.

Your whole body flex under her touch, this is the best release you ever had, it felt better than anything in this world, she definetly know what she´s doing. As you scream her name, Sam slows down her movements, for you to ride it all out, without being too overstimulated.

Sam gives you two kisses on each of your inner thighs and then kiss her way back up. She´s smiling and you are too.

The atmosphere went from being scared of your life to you having THE time of your life.

"There you go, little girl. How are we feeling hm?" Sam whispers into your ear as she wraps her strong hands around you.

"Fucking confused." You let out a small giggle.

"Watch your tone, young lady." Her hand squeezes your wrist.

"I- I´m good. Just... what just happened?" You lean into her.

Sam laughs as you´re confused. "You know I hate Halloween, you scared the living shit out of me with this prank, Sam. If you wanted to... you know, you could´ve just asked. I though you were some murderer!" You lazily mumble as you are half asleep already.

"Yeah and I love Halloween and asking you for a fuck session is not so fun. Me a murderer? Oh please." She kisses your head.

"Hmm.. whatever." You are too tired to have this conversation with her.

As you fall asleep in the arms of Samantha Carpenter you felt happy, today was really a great day.

Sam made sure you were dead asleep before getting up from the bed, but as soon as she did, you instantly start to move in discomfrot. She quickly grab your teddy bear and made you cuddle him instead and her plan worked. Cute smile was on your face again and Sam was glad you had this stuffie here as a replacement for her, when she needs to do her job. She knew you will be overthing when you woke up to an empty bed, so she quickly scribble down a note.

"I´ll call you later, I had to go to work, -s"

She took her knife that was laying on the ground, take on her cloak and last but not least take on her ghostface mask and went to work.

She was never a murderer, she was and still is just a protector. Especially when it comes to you.

…

Of course you had to call Sam, when you heard the news.

"Hi, how is my sleepyhead?" She chuckles into the phone.

"Hey, um... did you hear the news?" You quickly say to her, as you´re almost out of breath.

"What news?" She asks you.

"There was a murder, someone in a ghostface mask was seen few streets from my dorm. They killed a girl from my statistic class, I mean... I didn´t know her, but it´s still scary." As you say this, goosbumbs appear on your arms.

"Oh shit, that´s... scary even for me. Are you okay?" Sam asks with concern.

"Yeah, I didn´t know her or anything, but it´s crazy. Especially when you can buy the mask anywhere, since you have it too." You ramble over the phone.

"Right. It´s like I killed her, right?" Sam responds.

"Sam, don´t joke about these things. Can you maybe come to mine after work?" You really need her, to protect you and make you feel safe again.

"Give me 15 minutes." And with that Sam hang up. Drove away from the empty parking lot, where she watched your classmate, Tony. She heard a few stories from you, that Tony was being a dick during your presentation and no one can be a dick to you. No one.

And today is Tony’s lucky day, because you need her now and that´s way important. When she´s with you, no one can hurt you.

Only she can and that´s how it should be all the time.

Thank you for reading! Have a great day!!! And tell me what you think<3

#adele writes #samantha carpenter #samantha carpenter x reader #sam carpenter #sam carpenter x reader #ghostface!sam #scream universe #kinktober 2023

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margareth-lv · 3 months

Text

🏳️‍🌈 Every girl needs a gay best friend 🏳️‍🌈

Last week, I wrote a post here about the morbid shyness of a certain music manager.

My text was based on an interview Caitríona gave in mid-February 2018, shortly after her so-called 'engagement' and after she'd just won the Irish IFTA for her work on Outlander.

In the interview, Caitríona talked about how she met her fake fiancé. In the February 2018 version, Caitríona met her PA through one of her best friends.

So I decided to look into the subject of this "best friend" who brought the unfortunate music manager to Caitriona.

What I'm going to write today is, I think, 100% obvious to veterans of the fandom. But for those just starting out, I hope it'll be news. And I, well, I'm somewhere in the middle, between newbie status and more than three years of wading through the facts and the myths.

For me, the fun part has been reconstructing the chronology of events. The dates are interesting.

*** *** ***

The beginning of my story is quite surprising. Because we reach Caitríona's 'best friend' by clicking on a link in an article published in 'People Magazine' on 15 August 2019.

The article is entitled: 'Everything to Know About Caitriona Balfe's Super Private Relationship with Husband Tony McGill' and it tells us that: 'the couple tied the knot in England last weekend'.

😱

What excellent investigative journalists People Magazine have (bravo, bravo!), that in a twelve sentence article they could link to a post from Donal Brophy's Instagram.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

And look at this description:

"It’s unclear exactly when Balfe and McGill started dating, but the earliest evidence of their romance dates back to 2015, when a friend posted a video of her sitting on his lap at a bar in Ireland on Instagram. (McGill was not tagged and does not appear to have any social media accounts of his own.)"

🤯

Isn't that brilliant work from Starz/TPTB/whatever's PR Dept?

*** **** *** From the above it seems fair to conclude that the 'best friend' who brought Caitriona bad luck in the form of an unfulfilling music manager was Donal Brophy, because who else could it be?

*** *** ***

And now, let's take a quick look at the Instagram post (dated 1 January 2015) linked to the 'People Magazine' article. We all know it, of course! Here is the irrefutable proof of the passion between our two lovebirds: the rhythmic (and how sexy!) patting on the hip.

🥱

Well, hip-slapping is boring (and not at all sexy).

Far less boring, however, is the look on the music manager's face, the look that seeks Donal's approval (tell me I'm patting her well, do tell!). Could it be that, like the People Magazine link, this video was made to show? I wouldn't rule it out.

*** *** *** Now let's talk about dates: the sexy (not 🤢) slap on the hip was posted by Donal with a date of 1 January 2015, but two days earlier, on 30 December 2014, Donal shared another photo on Instagram featuring both the hapless music manager and Caitríona. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Perhaps the decidedly less seductive and sensual appearance of the 'fiancée' in the December photo was the deciding factor in "People Magazine" not publishing a link to it?

Who could know?

*** *** ***

It certainly wasn't love at first sight. The new boyfriend seems rather tired of Caitriona's presence. 😉

I know this is a mischievous conclusion. I am so, so sorry, my friends.

❓

But one thing is for sure: Donal is an old friend of Caitríona.

I haven't done too much in-depth research, but the oldest photo I've been able to find of both Caitríona and Donal is… a photo in a Flickr album belonging to Caitríona's ex-boyfriend, Dave Milone. The photo is dated… 2002.

😨

You get the idea - Caitríona's ex (and real) boyfriend, Dave, Donal, and after many, many years a new 'fiancé'. It feels like my brain is exploding. 🤯🤯🤯

*** *** ***

But back to Donal: I have a feeling that Donal may have been Caitríona's +1 at times when she did not have an official boyfriend.

*** *** *** And let's not forget: Caitríona has a sweet and tender relationship with Donal.

June 2013, Miss you babe!

December 2013, Caitríona on IG:

December 2013, Donal on IG:

April 2014: They even went hiking together in the Scottish Highlands.

I wonder, by the way, who was their mountain guide? Was it an unfortunate music manager? I think not.

I would rather point to someone else, someone who loves (and knows!) the (S)cottish (H)ighlands. But I won't name him.

⛰️🧗🏻‍♂️

*** *** ***

For those who are unfamiliar with the name Donal Brophy, here are a few words about his professional profile:

You know, it works for me: "While in New York, Donal was also known for epic parties. Everything he organized automatically became a “must-attend” event for New York’s most with-it residents."

You know, that kind of vibe (2007):

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

*** *** ***

Had he been Caitríona's false fiancé, it would have been easy for us to believe in the beautiful, loving bond that existed between them. But he was only the messenger of bad news. What wouldn't you do for your best friend?

❓

PS. Unless something has changed, Donal was married to Emrhys Cooper, a British actor, singer, dancer, and filmmaker. Together they run Idyllwild Pictures, an entertainment company.

Taken in July 2023:

[January 23, 2024]

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baldurs-simp · 7 months

Note

Gortash fall in love with the most kind, caring, silly and bold Tav. A Tav he thinks is easy to manipulate, but ultimately, she manipulates him - in a certain way. An artificer Tav to add some more spice (?)

I love Gortash at the moment, so with pleasure!

Masterlist

A loud boom shakes the manor, unsettling the dust in the rafters, telling everyone exactly what happened without the need to investigate. Everyone already knows that their lord, Enter Gortash, will already be on his way to the source of the explosion before the dust even settles again.

You're still fanning the smoke away with your hand, coughing loudly as you try to blink away the tears welling up in your eyes from the smoke. "What in the hells have you done this time?"

You turn your head towards your laboratory door that has blown open from the blast, and you can faintly make out the figure od your lover, Gortash.

"Dabbling in black powder. I may have used a bit much this time," you mention, immediately turning to your notebook on the table to scribble something down, still muttering to yourself. "Perhaps half of the quantity next time. Or a quarter?"

"If you continue like this, you'll bring down the manor before the year is up," Gortash says, tentatively stepping into the room but still carrying himself with immense confidence. "I didn't allow you to stay here just to destroy my home with your...experiments, did I?"

But it's as if you don't hear his words. You're still mumbling to yourself, noting down things on parchment pieces in a chaotic way that Gortash can't understand how you know where anything is.

He calls your name, but you only hum a response, still now paying attention to him. He has to speak your language, so to say, if he wants your attention. "What exactly is it that you are working on?"

The question makes your whip around with a bright smile on your face, glee in your eyes as you beacon him closer. "It's a firearm," you say, turning your gaze to the mangled piece of metalwork on the table. "I've read about them. They're like a ship's cannon, but smaller so you can hold it in your hand. Like a crossbow or shortbow, but less big and without the clanky ammunition that gets stuck on everything. It'll be more convenient and deadly if I get it right. But I'm working on infusing them with some magical elements, too. Like a 'fire' firearm that shoots fire pellets, or an 'ice' firearm-"

"You're rambling, darling," he cuts you off, smirking at your when you bite your lip in embarrassment. "I thought our arrangement was that you work on the weapons we already have, improving my military defense. Not trying to invent some new nonsense."

"But I've done all that and more. It's hard to improve on something that's already great," you say, pouting at him as you fold your arms across your chest. "I'm bored with swords and arrows. Don't you want to be known for something new? Something that no one else has?"

Gortash sighs, dropping his head between his shoulders as he shakes it in defeat. He thought that he had you under his thumb, but every day, he feels that it is the other way around. And yet, he will still give you all that you ask.

You ask him to give you the entrie city for your experiments and he would.

"Very well. But you know I expect nothing but excellence for this," he says, waving his hand at whatever it is that lays on the table in a mangled mess.

You giggle in glee, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek as a thank you. "I know. And you know that I never let anything leave this room until I am completely satisfied with it."

He hums as you step away from him, picking up the contraption to inspect the damage as you right a chair that has been blown over. "Oh, I need more black powder."

"More? Do you have any idea how tedious it is to find? Not to mention how much it costs."

Your eyes meet his, hoping that he will do what you ask without you having to beg for it. But he doesn't budge.

Sighing, you slowly stand up with your head hanging low and your gaze on the floor. "Fine. I guess I'll just have to find someone else who will want to help me if you do not care about me. Clearly, you do not wish to see me thrive in my craft."

You make as if to start packing up your things, making sure not to make eye contact with Gortash. As you try to walk past him, he wraps an arm around your waist, swiping you closer to pin him to his body.

"You will do no such thing, little Artificer," he growls, staring down into your eyes, making sure that you do not look away. "You will leave of I say leave and if I say you will stay, then you will stay. Do you understand?"

"Oh, big, mean Gortash, giving orders to someone that could blow him up with a simple stumble," you say, smiling up at him as you playfully wrap your arms around his neck. "What exactly would you do to me should I defy your orders?"

"Terrible things."

His quick response tells you that he doesn't have a clue what exactly he would do if you went against his orders. It makes you smile and slowly pull out of his hold around you.

"Then, I should get back to work. And you should leave. I do not wish for you to get hurt in my workshop," you say, giving him a light shove towards your door as an instruction to leave.

"Will you be dining with me tonight?"

"If you leave now, then I shall, my love."

Gortash finds himself beaming at the pet name you have used for him and your acceptance for eating with him tonight again. He smiles to himself, not caring that he might be falling in love with you. For with you by his side, you two could be the most powerful couple in the land.

#bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 gortash #enver gortash #enver gortash x reader #baldur's gate 3 #request #reqs open

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antianakin · 1 month

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My main problem with the idea of either non-Force sensitive people becoming Jedi or the whole "everyone is actually Force sensitive if you try hard enough" thing isn't that Force sensitivity is what makes the Jedi interesting, it's that this is what makes them JEDI.

There are TONS of characters in Star Wars who, if they were Force sensitive, would make excellent Jedi and I love quite a few of them. Just for a few quick examples off the top of my head: Bail and Breha Organa, Beru and Owen Lars, and Hera Syndulla (the Rebels version, not the Ahsoka show version). Sabine Wren, by the end of Rebels, would count on this list, as well (but not the Ahsoka show version). Jyn Erso and Bodhi Rook, especially by the end of Rogue One (Baze and Chirrut obviously would fit on this list, too, but they are already a part of their own religion that they might have chosen regardless of whether they were Force sensitive or not and I am choosing to respect that). Bix Calleen and Brasso from Andor. Greez from the Cal Kestis games maybe. And there's probably more that I am missing.

But the point I am making here is that none of these characters (bar Sabine in the Ahsoka show) are ever assumed to be Jedi. I don't think a SINGLE fan would ever try to argue with me that they ARE Jedi. And obviously it does not make any of them less interesting or enjoyable as characters to not be Jedi.

So if you're going to come at me with the accusation "How boring do you have to be to think the only reason the Jedi are interesting is because they're Force sensitive" then my rebuttal is this: Do you think all of the non-Jedi characters in Star Wars AREN'T interesting because they don't bear the title of Jedi? Does Sabine Wren suddenly become MORE interesting of a character when she's (theoretically) the exact same character, but now she gets to call herself a Jedi? Would Bodhi Rook or Brasso suddenly be more interesting characters if they called themselves Jedi but nothing else about them changed?

How boring do YOU have to be to think that the only interesting characters in Star Wars are those who call themselves Jedi? Personally, I really love that there are all of these characters out there with a bunch of different narrative paths open to them specifically because they AREN'T Jedi. Cassian Andor, Luthen Rael, Saw Gerrera, and Mon Mothma get to be REALLY intricate and morally ambiguous characters specifically because they are not Jedi at all. All the characters I listed above get to be these really lovely heroes for the little guy that showcase that you don't need to have cosmic powers and a laser sword and a fancy title to make a difference. There's a whole sort-of underlying side story within some of these stories about how the galaxy relied on the Jedi to solve all of their problems and how they're forced to step up and defend themselves for once after the Jedi are destroyed, leading to the introduction of all of these non-Force sensitive heroes, some more grey than others.

The Jedi are beacons of hope within the narrative, a model of selfless compassion to constantly strive towards. They are characters who consistently become their best selves through hard work and dedication. This is one of the MANY reasons I love them so much.

But I ALSO love that there are characters who AREN'T Jedi, characters who have no additional cosmic powers or knowledge, and have to figure out how to make the right choice instead of the easy choice ANYWAY, even when it's hard, even when it requires sacrifice. I love stories about the little people in the galaxy learning how to step up and emulate the Jedi when the Jedi are no longer there to be a bulwark between them and their own darkness. The beautiful tragedy of this entire side story lies in the galaxy learning the lessons the Jedi were trying so hard to teach them only after the Jedi themselves are gone due to the galaxy's selfishness. This is the bed the galaxy made for itself and now they have to lie in it. But they do! Eventually, person by person, they do.

And eventually, after many many years, just like their selfishness bore consequences, their selfless efforts also ultimately bring rewards in the form of the Jedi returning. And it's only once the Jedi and the people of the galaxy start fighting TOGETHER, the way they were always supposed to, that they're able to defeat the darkness. THAT'S the story. The Jedi and the people of the galaxy are in a symbiotic relationship with each other, a theme that doesn't work if you go for the concepts where everyone gets to be a Jedi. The Jedi are a specific group of people, they are the Force made manifest, they are beacons of hope, they are an ideal to work towards. This doesn't work with the "Jedi can also be people without Force sensitivity" or "everyone has Force sensitivity" concepts. It just doesn't.

So of course there are plenty of characters who aren't Force sensitive who follow Jedi philosophies or act in a way the Jedi would approve of. These people are the ones choosing to be in balance with the Jedi, which in turn is what brings balance to the entire galaxy.

If this interpretation of Star Wars and the Jedi comes off as boring to you, then, well, that sounds like a you problem and you're more than welcome to find a different corner of fandom to go spend time in and leave me to my corner.

#star wars #jedi #pro jedi #jedi appreciation #the force #ahsoka show #ahsoka show negativity #anti ahsoka show #andor #rogue one

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seat-safety-switch · 1 year

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Once again, I am tested by my circumstances. The local animal shelter was looking for someone to drive some dogs to their various appointments. That responsibility fell to me, a drivers-license-having individual with a community service requirement with an “exponent” symbol in it in Microsoft Excel, to truck them there. Nobody else wanted to do it, possibly because some of the dogs have what medical experts are calling “the terror shits.”

Naturally, I couldn’t do this in my own car. Not only is the Volare incapable of holding any passengers due to the structural rust issues, but I like to keep the car clean. That’s why there’s the big holes in the floor: any dropped candy wrappers, stray strands of hair, or spilled coffees will just run out when I lift the floor mat on the expressway. No: the animal shelter was very insistent that what I would receive is a 2005 Chevy Express van, white-on-white.

This van was, well, a van. For some reason, everyone I met was apologizing to me about “how old” it was, and how they had “no money” in the budget with which to upgrade it. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that it was several decades newer than anything I’d ever operated, and I was a little bit intimidated by driving something that could go forward and backward, without having to turn the engine off and push it a little bit first.

Still, after a few minutes on the road, I immediately saw what they meant. It didn’t have any soul, this new automobile, being enormously competent at virtually every task. It didn’t shake violently on the highway, all the doors stayed closed, and it could go around corners without the windshield falling out. Soon, I was going an integer multiple of the posted speed limit, still feeling it was too slow because the sensation of danger was no longer prickling its way up my spine. I was practically falling asleep, and when I arrived at the vet’s office an hour away nearly 45 minutes ahead of schedule, I decided something had to be done for the safety of my canine charges.

While the dogs were in the shop, getting their tires rotated, I decided to do a little bit of work on my own. I had been stuck behind a slow-moving BMW SUV on the off-ramp. It was now parked outside a realtor’s office, taunting me with its copious reserve of compressed air and torque. I decided that if they weren’t gonna use their turbocharger, then I should rightfully be entitled to it. After all, it’s for the public good: who would deny these dogs an efficient, comfortable ride? Using the BMW’s toolkit and a piece of parking lot rebar as a lever, I soon had the turbocharger worked off of the engine, dropped out the bottom, and swaged into the van’s induction system. To test it out, I jumped in and pinned the throttle a few times, hearing the delightful whoosh of at least a hundred more horsepower. Yeah. This would do nicely.

All I’m legally allowed to tell you about what happened next is two things. One, the van really was less boring after all this work. The little V8 sang with the joys of forced induction, and the tires smoked well through however many gears this magic future transmission had in it. Two, it was a good thing I was going to the dog groomer’s next, because none of these animals were in a presentable shape. It turns out dogs afflicted with the terror-shits don’t like to pull a deep thirteen-second quarter mile, which is definitely something they should have told me before they gave me the keys.

Not every day of volunteering is going to be perfect. Next time I go back, I think I’ll cut a hole in the floor instead. At least that will make the cleanup easier.

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 5 months

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Friday Ramblings

I don't normally do this but I have a couple of thoughts going on in my head regarding the last couple of days week in BL that I just wanted to collect them all instead of just doing it in tags.

Shadow

I'm pissed. I am a big fan of anything horror or supernatural themed stuff so I was really looking forward to this. (Don't even get me started of how disappointed I am at the disappearance of the other horror themed show I could be watching) And the first part did not disappoint. It was a strong first half, good set up of the different story lines and all the players and I was really excited about it. There was such good meta written about the show, and it turned out to be superior to what the show eventually gave us. (@wen-kexing-apologist specially gave us such excellent meta on this show that I wish they were in charge of the second half of this show) I agree with @lurkingshan about everything they said here. Something which I thought was interesting was that I think in this second half the show purposefully made the fake arm really obvious. I don't know if it wanted us to know before Dan but I also don't think it was an accident. But I'm also not gonna theorize about the reasons because I really don't care that much. The "BL" bait was just another thing that pissed me off. I'm not upset it's not BL, I'm upset because it was sold as such and no one will convince me otherwise. For a couple of episodes, at least, the show wanted us to think that Dan was falling for Nai. The prom moment was just fucking ridiculous. The parallels with October 6 could've been really interesting if there wasn't so much going on that it kinda took the weight of it away. One of the questions I like to ask myself when watching any media is - what is it trying to tell? Sometimes nothing and that's fine. It's pure escapism and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It can still be excellent. And sometimes it tries to say too much that it ends up not having a cohesive message and it all falls flat. Religion, communism, family trauma, homophobia, mental health, infidelity, teacher-student relationship, pregnancy, murder, police brutality, friendship, bullying, the oh so many supernatural elements, I could go on. You get the picture. So in conclusion, I am not happy.

VIP Only

It's cute. I like both of them enough and it's a good mellow way to start the friday madness.

Last Twilight

This show is surprising me so much. In the best ways. As I said before this pair didn't do much for me in the past but I've surrendered completely, specially to Jimmy. He was so good in this episode that I felt obligated to gif it just so I could keep watching his expressions.

That whole final scene just floored me. His eyes just carried that moment and that whole scene so well that by the end a lonely sunflower brought tears to my eyes. ( and I do not cry easy). After all the cute dates, this scene was a gut punch.

I'm just really stuck on this show, and it holds my attention all through the episode.

My Dear Gangster Oppa

This episode was silly, I couldn't care less about the gangster side of the story at the moment, I'd rather spend more time with the gamer friend group. Wahl got a bit of a redemption but I still don't like him. I liked that Guy stood his ground with Wahl and Tew, but hated the stalker behaviour. If you wanna go dude, just leave!

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun

Japan my beloved. They just keep giving me all I need. Toki is giving me some Aoki vibes and I could not be happier. And Toki now has got two friends in his corner and I'm so happy. This one and Kinou Nani Tabeta are currently my main sources of joy and my heart is full.

Pit Babe I'd like to thank @pharawee for giving us the novel commentary because it makes it a bit less confusing while I watch this. I have no clue about omegaverse so a part of me is confused, sometimes bored, another part of me is just waiting for Jeff and Alan to be a thing and all of me is happy that Pavel is on my screen weekly.

Twins

This show is dragging and I'm officially bored. I don't mind a slow burn if the rest of the show can hold it together. But the team animosity is just tiring and annoying at this point, the side couples are not engaging ( a bj in the shower does not a side couple make) and for a show named Twins, I would like to see more of them.

Middleman's Love

I'm 99% here for the sides. They are cute, they give me some Ram/King vibes and I wanna see more of them. I was super happy to see Ngern again and the family dinner was a good moment. I don't have the patience for this sort of misunderstanding anymore so that ending annoyed the hell out of me.

(I'm watching For Him too but I have nothing nice to say, so I'll say nothing at all. And yes I know I just did that with Shadow but I was never that invested in this one)

Really looking forward to Kinou Nani Tabeta tomorrow morning and The Sign in the afternoon.

I wish all a great weekend and thanks for reading💜

(because I needed a good cry)

#rose rambles #last twilight #shadow the series #twins the series #bl series #thai bl #pit babe #sahara sensei to toki kun #my dear gangster oppa #middleman's love

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creoastra · 2 months

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I wrote a fic for the @valentines-core-exchange event!

@nightwanderers12081 is who I made it for! They've got excellent taste in fics omg.

This fic is not beta read so I apologize for any bad pacing or grammar lolol

Past Curfew - A Phandoms Valentines Day event Danny/Valerie shipfic

That ghost- “Ah, sorry Dad, I zoned out.” That's what she gets for trying to trust a ghost. “I am studying at…”

“Danny Fenton’s house.”

“D-Danny’s house! Danny Fenton… We have a Biology project together.. I got caught up working on it so that's what I have been.. Doing….” She spun around to try and catch Phantom and question how he knew who Danny was, but she wasn’t able to catch anything because just like earlier, he was gone. She scowled into the night air, fist clenching and unclenching rapidly.

Floating invisible a few feet away from Valerie, Danny smiled to himself for being able to help her with her problem before the reality of the situation sank in. He nearly hit himself for how stupid he was for suggesting himself. She didn’t know that Danny is Phantom, and that could seriously blow his cover.

-----------------

‘Why do I even bother? There’s hardly ever any ghosts out at this time.’

Phantom groaned inwardly as he flew across Amity Park. The air was chilled with early autumn winds, but of course he still found himself out and about at night despite the cold. The stars blinked in understandment and pity. Orion bowed his head in apology as Danny raced past his school. Well, he didn’t actually bow to him, considering he was a cluster of stars after all, but Danny felt the sentiment within himself anyways.

Honestly, he had no idea why he still did this, patrolling the city. There were hardly any ghosts out at night since all of them fed on people’s attention and love and emotions. But he has happened upon a few in the past so he can’t let himself stop now. It’s also become part of his routine. He plugs in his earbuds to his shitty ipod, hums along to this playlist Sam made him, and scopes the city.

Amity Park was peaceful at night. Like he said, there were no ghosts and it was all just empty streets or the occasional cat roaming the streets. Lamp Posts were the only light to be seen, and it was rather serene. The air smelled less like car emissions and more like fall. Danny appreciated it, even though the act of being out this late directly cut into his sleep time.

Floating down onto the edge of the town’s radio tower, Danny leaned back and closed his eyes for a minute. He would often sit up here and watch the stars on more boring nights, but he was particularly tired tonight. A part of him wanted to retire early and head back home, but the core within him buzzed angrily at even the smallest thought of that. He couldn’t rest after making sure that Amity would be okay while he slept. He couldn’t let her down like that, even though his eyes begged to stay closed.

He could lay up here for a second longer though. Or at least that was what he thought until a sharp clang echoed from behind him.

Instantly he jumped up, clumsily ripping out his earbuds and shoving them into his jumpsuit’s sole pocket. Danny whipped around, shooting up into the sky to try and catch whatever made the racket, yet nothing was there.

What the hell?

With slight hesitance, he lowered himself down to the top of the radio tower again. Taking a few seconds to glance around, his hand automatically reached for his thermos. The radio tower was all steel bars from the top to the bottom, so he could see all the way through it. And now that he was closer, he could see a figure hiding down at the layer right beneath the one he stood at.

Without thinking, Danny became intangible, dropping through the bars and down to the layer below him. Instantly he was on top of the ghost that was stalking him. Pride erupted in his core as he launched both him and the ghost off of the tower. The scenery around him was practically glowing to illuminate their match of strengths. The ghost yelped and started grabbing at Danny as they fell quickly towards the ground.

A second before they crash landed, his opponent wrestled with him, easily flipping him to become underneath them with a growl. A second too late, Danny turned intangible, his back aching from the impact. He shakily pulled them both deep into the ground before soaring back up into the sky. The ghost grabbed onto Danny’s hair and ripped at it, while screaming at him.

“Phantom you horrid beast, let go of me this instant!!”

Gasping a pained breath of air, Danny took the opportunity while the ghost was focused on yanking out his hair- which really hurt by the way- to throw them against the ground. Unfortunately Danny got dragged with them, a factor he upsettingly didn’t consider, and they both went tumbling through a patch of dirt and grass.

Danny rolled through the dirt, clovers flying everywhere and his entire outfit becoming grass stained. His body skipped a few times along the ground like a rock thrown against a river before he finally came to a pained stop. His bones ached and his head got rattled around from the fall. Every fiber of him screamed at him to just lie there for a second before he hurt himself more, but there his core was, still loud as ever.

Now is your chance. Destroy that ghost for even raising a hand against you.

Power surged through him, and suddenly Danny was standing, stalking over to where his opponent- his prey- laid recovering. His nails turned claws bore outwards. They ached to carve into this feeble ghost who dared to challenge him with so little power. Just look at them laying there, glow already so weak, nearly nonexistent…

Nearly…?

“Valerie?”

At the mention of her name, Valerie, the Red Huntress, shot up and launched herself at Danny. Her mask was damaged in their fight, so her hair billowed out of the broken glass, eyes sharp and promising to stab literal daggers into her own opponent, Phantom.

Without warning, her fist collided directly with Danny’s nose, forcing him backwards with a loud yelp. Her leg then kicked outwards, intentionally tripping him back even further. Falling right onto his ass, Danny’s head hit the ground soon after with another loud collision. Pain instantly shot down his spine.

“Huntress wait-”

“How dare you attack me, Ghost! I knew you were nothing but evil, all of you.” Danny held his head in his hands, cradling it as Valerie threatened him. Most of him felt guilty for attacking a human, but the rational part of him said that it was just Valerie and she could take it, and barely counted as human at this point. Most humans aren’t half nano-bot robots or even full vigilante ghost hunters.

Danny finally opened his eyes to look up at her, just to see a Ghost blaster pointed directly at his face. With no more than a scowl, he rolled to the left, dodging her attack. Not even sparing a glance to the grass remnants that burned slightly from where she shot.

“I thought you were a ghost!” Danny shouted as he flew upwards, dodging another shot from Valerie. “You were literally stalking me earlier!”

A blast ricocheted off the radio tower in the background and barely missed Danny’s leg as it came shooting back.

“That's because you are up to no good, ghost!” Another shot was fired that promptly missed. Valerie scowled at the disadvantage she had from being on the ground. She quickly released her hoverboard and hopped onto it, now racing after Phantom. “I was trying to see what you were doing!”

“I was-” He quickly ducked under an ecto shot. “Just doing my patrols!” Danny’s legs merged together, becoming one ghost tail. He zipped past Valerie, circling around the tower climbing up in height at the same time. “I do this literally every day!”

“Therein lies the problem, Phantom.” She hissed his name with pure venom. Head shooting from side to side trying to find where he went, she stood still on the Hoverboard, flying in one spot. Blood thrummed in her ears, adrenaline and hatred pushing her to keep fighting. One hand on the trigger, she began to point it at every little movement she saw.

“You are not fit to be doing patrols. A ghost fighting other ghosts? No one knows your motives, and while you may have the rest of the town tricked, I will not believe that you are a fit ‘protector.’” She quickly whipped around, shooting right behind her, just for it to go through nothing. With a frown she lowered her blaster slightly. “It's all some act you are putting on for whatever it is that you are trying to do.”

Despite her attempt at trying to antagonize him, there came no response, just silence. A bird in a tree nearby, chirped to his children. A few grasshoppers could be heard singing together. Even her hoverboard was emitting a low hum. But no Phantom.

Now frustrated with the games he is obviously playing on her, Valerie shot angrily into the sky. Just aimlessly shooting. It helped release a bit of the anger that she held for the ghost. She was too busy destroying random clouds to notice that her hoverboard buckled slightly under the weight of another person.

A chill swept over her neck suddenly, making her hair stand on end.

The air turned stiff and sour as she finally felt the dry breath of a ghost behind her.

“V a l e r i e . . . “

Her heart raced as she found herself unable to move.

“Y o u r . . . ”

My…?

“Phone is ringing. You might want to answer that."

She was suddenly snapped out of her stupor. Spinning around, she pointed her blaster at Phantom who smiled innocently and simply pointed to her back pocket. Valerie glared at him, and with her free hand, she felt behind her just to find that her phone was indeed ringing. Now directing her glare at her phone, she nearly hit ignore until she caught the name of the caller ID.

Shit! It's her dad.

Fumbling with her phone, she clumsily dropped her blaster, which Phantom picked up to her dismay, and rushed to answer the call.

“Hey dad. Sorry I didn’t see your call sooner, I was..” Phantom caught a kick in the shin, which he inhaled sharply at. “..busy.”

See, Danny was above interrupting one of his classmates while they were on the phone with their parents. Unlucky for him, this specific classmate wanted his pelt on her wall. Still, manners come first, so he chose to float aimlessly and be vaguely distracting while she was on call.

He watched as she spoke in hushed voices to her phone. She kept shooting annoyed glares at him before worriedly turning back to her father.

“No, I know I am out past curfew- I am sorry, I-I just got caught up…”

Her voice trailed off, and Danny could tell she was being scolded by her father. She looked more defensive than he had ever seen her. It was kind of sad to watch actually. His heart panged for the girl.

“Oh- doing what? Uh- I was just…” Her words fumbled around in her mouth, unable to come up with an excuse off the top of her head. Valerie couldn’t help but look over at Phantom for any sort of help, but he was not there.

That ghost- “Ah, sorry Dad, I zoned out.” That's what she gets for trying to trust a ghost. “I am studying at…”

“Danny Fenton’s house.”

He rubbed his eyes in frustration before glancing back over at Valerie. While she seemed more confused than anything else, a bit of tension seemed to leave her shoulders. She was talking more fluidly to her dad, explaining the made up Biology project to him now that she had an idea to build off of.

Part of him wanted to stay to make sure she got everything covered with her dad. While he had no obligation to make sure she was okay, especially since her life was in danger, he still wanted to, as her friend.

Even though they weren’t friends. Not when he was like this.

“Yeah, uh.. You can pick me up at his house…”

Wait what??

Danny shot a panicked look at Valerie who was quickly powering back on her hoverboard, nodding along to the phone. “Yeah, you can come get me now, we just finished up.”

Goddamn it Valerie! He did not expect her to offer to be picked up. Doesn’t she walk home and stuff? He knows it’s late but it’s not like it’s midnight.. Yet…

He was hoping to get at least a final word in to her before he ran off, but she is already soaring up into the sky. No matter what, he can’t let her beat him home. And what is he supposed to tell Jazz?

How does he always get himself into these stupid situations?

With that final thought, he launched off ahead of her, racing back to his house.

—

How does she always get herself into these stupid situations?

That's the exact thought Valerie had as she found herself soaring through the sky above clouds heading directly to FentonWorks.

She has too many questions and she is beyond confused, but she doesn't really have the chance to answer any of them right now. She needed to get to Danny’s house before her dad got there.

While flying, she took a quick second to ponder why the hell Phantom suggested she show up to Danny’s house. Did he know Danny? Was he waiting there to surprise attack her? Or is this just an elaborate set up to get her laughed at by a cute boy from her class.

All were perfectly plausible to her and it infuriated her that she could pinpoint which reason it was. God forbid that he was trying to help her. That wasn’t how Phantom worked.

What a fool she was to trust him.

She quickly arrived at the large half-laboratory-half-house. Dropping onto the sidewalk and ducking into the alleyway closest to the building, she deactivated her Red Huntress outfit and shrunk away her hoverboard.

Working up the nerves, Valerie walked up to FentonWorks. She stared up at it before going to knock on the door before she hesitated, hand paused right before knocking.

A large part of her still screamed to run, but she knew she couldn’t afford to do that right now. She would just explain to Danny that she needed to use him as a cover, and he would understand. He skips class half of the time and she is sure he wouldn’t want his parents to know that.

A shiver washed over her and she quickly whipped around, expecting to find Phantom but there was nothing there but the night air.

God, she must be going crazy. First trusting a Ghost, now feeling things that aren't there. With a loud huff, Valerie finally knocked on the door.

The door instantaneously swung open to reveal Danny who seemed beyond out of breath.

“Ah, Danny!”

“Val-” He wheezed out, clutching his stomach. He held a hand up to ask for a second as he panted against the door frame. Valerie just watched with awkward helplessness as he caught his breath.

It took an embarrassingly long second for him to look back up to her, his face flushed. “Sorry- just uh.. Went on a run, then…. Ran down the stairs.. To…” He stared at her for a second with a vaguely confused look. “Answer the door… What are you doing here?”

“Im…. working on a group project with you apparently.” She put it bluntly, hoping he would catch on fast enough.

“But we don't have a project together?”

Of course this couldn’t have been that simple. “No, just- ugh.” Valerie nearly slapped herself in the forehead. Why was this so stupidly difficult? “Can I just come inside to explain it? My dad will be here soon.”

Danny slipped backwards into the house, holding the door open for her. Inside the house she was greeted with a living room littered with family pictures and random ghost hunting equipment tossed to the side. One photo caught her eye of who she assumed to be Danny from when he was in middle school.

He had longer hair then but seemed to be shrunk into himself. He donned a dark blue NASA hoodie and a crooked smile. The hoodie seemed too big, and the smile seemed too forced. Something about the photo shot a slight pang in Valerie’s chest. He just seemed unlike himself there.

“Ah, don't look at that one. I keep telling Mom to take it down but she insists on keeping it.”

Glancing up at Danny, she had to remark that he seemed to grow into himself over the years. She didn’t know him when he was younger, but he seemed happier now. Mostly. Right now he seemed embarrassed and a bit annoyed, but overall he didn’t seem to curl into himself as much.

It made Valerie happy that he was able to find himself.

“You had longer hair back then.” She offered with a teasing smile. He simply frowned back at her, though it didn’t seem to meet his eyes which shined brightly. “What? I like it!”

“Well you would agree with my parents then.” His hand moved to scratch the back of his neck somewhat awkwardly. There was a second of silence before he dropped his hand and turned to Valerie fully. “Soo, what is up?”

Right, back to why she was here. “You skip school a lot so I assumed you would understand that I needed a cover for my dad.” She explained, watching as he frowned again at her comment. “Don’t even pretend it’s not true. You run out of class every other period.”

“Yeah well…” He didn’t have an argument to that, but she didn’t have to point it out like that. “I have things I need to do…..”

“Oh yes, I am sure you do.” Valerie rolled her eyes. “Unlike whatever you ‘have to do’, I really was busy today. So please cover for me when my dad gets here. We were just working on a biology project together. I will do the talking so you don't have to worry about anything.”

She pushed past him and set her bag down on the couch, pulling out her phone checking to see if her dad texted her.

The room seemed to flicker slightly before another shudder washed over her. Her heart rate spiked as she quickly spun around to punch the ghost sneaking up behind her, just for her to make direct contact with Danny’s nose.

The force of the punch made Danny trip over his own feet, falling straight onto the floor with a loud yelp. Valerie gasped and quickly ran over to him.

“Danny! Oh my god I am so sorry-”

“Man, what is your problem?? I let you into my house, I cover for you, and then out of nowhere you punch me!!” He exclaimed while holding his nose in his hand. A bit of blood dripped past his fingers onto the floor.

“I really didn't mean to, I just thought you were a ghost.” She attempted to explain, but it just seemed to make him more upset.

“Oh and that justifies punching me??” He began to pull himself up off the floor, before Valerie leaned down to try and help him up but he just pushed her off of him. “Don't. We don’t need you thinking I'm a ghost again and jumping me.”

He shoved past her, heading into the kitchen. Valerie quickly followed after him, abandoning her bag on the couch. “Look, I said it was an accident. I have been on edge recently. I didn’t mean to attack you.

“On edge of what Val? What has got you so freaked out that you had to take it out on me?” The sink began running as Danny wet a napkin for his nose. The air was thick with tension on both ends. While she was trying to apologize, he just kept antagonizing her.

She really thought she liked him and now he just keeps getting on her nerves. She really didn’t mean to hurt him, but she would have sworn she felt the chill of a ghost behind her. That was something she had gotten really good at detecting recently. It is nearly never wrong so god forgive her for trusting it.

Before she could answer, Danny turned around to face her, shooting her another glare. He seemed beyond disheveled now that she was getting an even closer look at him. It all seems well hidden but he has a poorly hidden bruise on his cheek that must have been cleaned off with the napkin. It made even more guilt eat at her for hurting him when he already seemed off.

Right now he seemed to resemble the Danny she saw in the photo earlier. How did she mess it up with him that fast?

Hesitation raced through her before she pushed through it, walking up to Danny. He winced away from her, but she just took the napkin gently from his hands. As softly as she could, she leaned his head backwards a bit and held the napkin up to his nose. It was a bit of an awkward position, but she knew this helped keep the blood from spilling the best.

“I really am sorry Danny.. I took up….. Another job..” She stared down at the bloody napkin with a frown. “It has been stressful but I really wanted to help my dad however I could. He doesn't want me to so I have been having to hide it, but… it really isn't fun. It's stressful and has been wearing on me a lot and has left me paranoid I suppose.”

Danny watched her with a slight hesitation as she spoke. She was just glad he wasn’t pushing her away. “It is no excuse, but I just thought you would want to know.”

While it wasn’t the whole truth, it was the closest she has ever gotten to telling anyone. It lifted a bit of the anxiety that laid on her heart.

A moment passed between them before Danny spoke up. “I understand. I really do Val. I am sorry for lashing out at you as well.” He gently motioned her to step back as he took the napkin back. He pinched his nose for a minute before standing up straight again. His eyes softened from the glare he previously held. “It's not easy holding onto a secret that big and not being able to tell anyone, even your closest friends. I get it.”

Tossing the napkin out before grabbing another one, Danny sighed to himself quietly. Valerie just stood there as he took a second to think. “I know I am not the most ideal person to talk to, I bet. There's probably loads of people you would wanna talk to about your stuff before me, but I understand you, I really do, and I am here to listen if you ever want to talk.”

There weren’t many people Valerie would trust talking to about any of her struggles, but especially not Ghost hunting. Danny wasn’t on that list either, at least not until tonight. She has her doubts about how well he actually understands, but there was something so genuine in his eyes that she couldn’t help but trust him.

“...Okay.. Thank you Danny, I appreciate it.”

He shot her a slightly bloody thumbs up and a goofy lopsided grin. “Anytime Val.”

They held eye contact which made Valerie feel soft inside in a way she hasn’t felt in a long time. In perfect timing though, there was a knock on the door.

“Ah, I bet that was my dad, I should get going.” She explained, nodding towards the entranceway.

“Oh definitely.” Danny said, following her out back into the living room while she grabbed her bag. He beat her to the door and opened it for her. “It was nice having you over, to work on the project.” He quickly added as she left.

She just rolled her eyes with a small smile. “Of course. Thanks for having me.” Valerie waved goodbye to Danny as she walked down the steps to the street with her dad. She loaded her stuff into the front seat with her as her dad started the car.

Finally she could relax.

“What happened to his nose? It seemed busted up. Did you do that Valerie? I thought you stopped the whole ‘fighting your classmates’ thing.”

Nevermind apparently.

#Valentine's Core Exchange 2024 #danny phantom #danny fenton #valerie gray #fanfic #dp fanfic #dp fic #danny/valerie #not beta read #im not a writer so im sorry if this sucks lol #creoastra

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docholligay · 4 months

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Dr. Holligay Tries Things That Aren't Running: Oula One

So, continuing with my very sexy and respectable journey to win a high-priced and totally unnecessary kitchen item, I come hot off the heels of my hilariously and gloriously slow three mile run to the noble choice of: Whatever class is available to me at 9 am and in a decent spot on my bingo card.

That's Oula One, babes! Do I know what Oula One is? Not even fucking REMOTELY. Do i know that it is a stepping stone to winning really stupid kitchen appliances? Oh fuck yes. Let's go.

An incredibly kind woman greets me by introducing herself, shaking my hand, and explaining that it's a yoga dance fusion class.

Excellent! I hate yoga! I scream with my entire mind.

She must have heard me with her third ear or somethinking, because she's smiling and telling me not to worry, because it's all about doing what feels good in my body. Great! I hate doing what feels good in my body! Part of the reason I hate yoga is it is neither fun nor punishing. I LOVE to be taken to the end of my tether. One of my favorite activities of last year was our 24 hour run, where I ended up with cactus spines through my toe. Running lets me take myself to the redline and see if I can cross the finish line before the engine explodes. Boot camp tells me that I'm fucking weak, and I can drag myself in a full plank across a gym floor, can't I? Work harder, it screams. This is great for me! I love feeling like I could not possibly have given one more inch.

Yoga, on the other hand, is both very difficult, and not punishing. I can't touch my hand flat palmed to the floor, but neither do I feel broken by pushing to it. I am just bored! I am an extremely hyperactive human being and sitting cross legged grounding myself is probably against the Geneva Convention. I want to crawl out of the classroom like an inchworm.

But here I am! In a dynamic yoga class, sitting on the floor in my damn booty booty ass ass running shorts, which are very practical on a track but less so here. I was wearing sloth underwear today and everyone knew it. You're welcome. Since I'm here, I am going to give it my best try, and I am going to go in with an open mind.

Twist ending for me most of all: I actually sort of enjoyed it! It moves much faster than a normal yoga class, but you repeat the moves a lot and can get deeper and deeper into them. It's extremely hippy-dippy, which I absolutely am not, and I had to muffle my laughter when she was like, 'This song is about keeping our shadow self near us" but...I am somewhat older than y'all so i don't know if you have this experience.

So picture a party, and there's a lot of weed at this party. Now, you don't smoke weed because it makes you strange in ways you don't like, but you do like partying, and there's some extremely suspect but deeply alcoholic Homebrew "mead" and you're making the best of it, and besides you need a favor from the guy you came with because you want to buy shrooms for the meteor shower backpacking trip a few weekends from now (I realize I have touched the absolute heart of tumblr right now, and you all are nodding in agreement at this very relatable scenario) This person is like a lot of the people who always had weed before everyone did, and so there are dyed silks hanging from her walls, and Loreena McKennitt is playing in the background, and you're definitely a little buzzed, and getting kind of a contact high, and then people start to dance. They dance with these big, open swirls of their body, and almost certainly someone is wearing moss green.

That is how I would describe the yoga-dance fusion at this class. Easy to follow, very vibes-based, and heavily based in big, open moves that give good stretch. Seeing as it takes an act of God and Congress for me to stretch, forcing myself to go do it every week or ever every other would not be the worst thing.

I cannot BELIEVE I am saying this, but I would go again.

Definitely without the ass shorts though.

#things that aren't running

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jean-vi · 1 year

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God Complex | Jean x Reader

Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Reader Inspiration: “I never got to tell her how I feel about her.” - Jean Kirstein, The Battle for Trost Summary: What happens when two people collide in an unexpected way? Genre: Rivals to Lovers, Angst, Fluff Warnings: Violence, Blood, Swearing, SPOILERS S1 WC: 5.1K A/N: I am in love with Jean Kirstein. Other: Masterlist

“Hey, focus, or are you too busy staring at my beautiful hair?” You teased, tugging a strand alluringly. The boy in front of you blushed and then furrowed his eyebrows. He was handsome, you’d give him that.

“I am focused,” Jean hissed, “you are completely insufferable, but your tricks don’t work on me.”

You grinned and lowered yourself into a fighting stance. You gestured to him to move.

“Come on then, show me what you’re made of.”

The dusty training grounds for hand to hand combat were a good place to make enemies, and boy, you had wanted to wipe the smug grin off Jean Kirstein’s face for months now. Honestly, you couldn’t care less about hand to hand combat or learning how to fight other people, you just wanted to prove that you were better than Jean. Coming from inside of Wall Sina, you weren’t that accustomed to getting messy. Your family was well off, your mother a devout follower of the walls.

Still, you joined the military. You yearned to be a soldier, to prove that you were more than fancy gowns and jewels. Thus, it had instantly rubbed you the wrong way when Jean had commented on your all too styled hair or the fact that your hands remained callous free.

The callouses were forming, but they were small, and your body ached every day. It didn’t matter, though, because you knew you were tough. You were a fighter. Now, with the day becoming an orange hue on the horizon, you would show Jean just what a fighter you were.

You had observed Annie a few times, and even though you weren’t particularly good at anything when you first conscripted, you picked up things fast. Perhaps it was an excellent mimicry ability, but you liked to observe.

“You really think you’re all that, huh?” Jean laughed, “you’re going to eat shit.”

He lunged forward and you took a step back, watching his momentum carry him past you. Then, you shoved him forward. He face planted, but to your dismay, he got up with a smile. You felt Annie watching you carefully.

“Nice one, but can you take this?” He charged again, and you prepared yourself, except he stepped to the side suddenly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and threw you to the dirt. Your back hit the hard ground the air flew from your lungs. You wheezed uncomfortably and just lay in the dirt for a moment, trying to catch your breath. Okay, he’d got you there, but that must be a fluke, right?

You took a deep, shuddering, breath in as he laughed and rolled onto his feet. His brown hair was waving in the wind and he bent down, offering his hand. You looked away, face burning. You wouldn’t accept defeat like this. Your eyes trailed to the surrounding recruits. All of these recruits thought their lives were important, you were no different. Your life didn’t feel insignificant or something worth wasting. You were exactly like everybody else by feeling like nobody else. You grasped his hand and gripped tightly.

“Hey, you’re gonna take off some fingers if you do that,” Jean started, but as you stood, you kicked his legs out from under him. You pushed yourself to your feet, your uniform now beyond dirty, and swiped some loose specks off your pants.

“Never let your guard down,” you whispered. It was pathetic, even you could see that. It was like a last ditch effort for a struggling animal. This was all a matter of pride, really. You refused to back down and you refused to lose to Jean Kirstein.

“That was cheap,” he muttered unhappily, getting back onto his feet. He rubbed his neck and walked away. You were bored, but it seemed that Jean didn’t really care about fighting anyone else either. You watched him stumble around, still groaning about his back if someone came up to him. He seemed fine to you.

“You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t provoke that suicidal maniac,” you grinned as he nursed his bruising cheek.

“He started it,” Jean grumbled as you leaned against his bunk beds frame.

“And you continued it, idiot,” you rolled your eyes and pushed off the frame and headed for the door. You’d helped him to his quarters after his little skirmish with Eren, and he hadn’t complained. Then the second you sat him down, he had the audacity to say that you didn’t need to help him, as if he wasn’t swaying on his feet. Jean was still your comrade in arms and though you had a deep seated dislike of the man, he did earn your sympathy with that pathetic fight.

“Why do you even care,” he said through gritted teeth. He was looking down and you couldn’t tell if it was because he was embarrassed, ashamed, or angry. His hand rested on his forehead, the other was clenched in a fist. You widened your eyes and turned around.

“I don’t care, Jean,” you began and took a step towards the man with a wide smile, “I just wanted to make sure you were actually injured. It serves you right. Maybe you should have used the techniques I showed you.”

You could recognize Annie’s moves anywhere and the fact that Eren used them showed that he actually payed attention. So what of Jean? How pitiful. Was he really so full of himself that he thought he could win?

“How are you so naturally gifted then, huh?”

“I worked at it,” you looked at your nails and then crouched next to him. His eyes trailed you, “I know that even though I have many comrades in arms now, any of them could easily become my enemy. You should understand that.”

“They would never be our enemies,” Jean sat up fully and looked at you, rolling his shoulders and staring at you incredulously. Your smile widened.

“Sure thing, Jean, but I already have an enemy with a major God complex.”

You headed for the door and paused at the door as he began to laugh, “I have the god complex? You are far worse than I am.”

Tch. Your teeth grinded together and you tightened your fingers around the door handle, trying to decide if you should respond. Well, fine, you’d play the villain if he wanted you to. You left without another word. You’d always been a pretty decisive person, and strong-willed at that.

When you stepped outside, Annie was leaned against the wall beside the door. You and her weren’t exactly close, but you’d gained mutual respect.

“Do I have a god complex?” You asked Annie. She looked away and began to walk across the dirt.

“I don’t care,” she said softly and you frowned as she retreated across the yard to her cabin. Well, it was your cabin too, but you didn’t feel like going to bed yet. The torches illuminated the dirt and the sky above was clear. You could see every star, where the moon cut through the night, bathing the world in an eerie luminescence. You wanted to savor this moment, even though your stomach was churning after your conversation with Jean.

Were you a bad person? Maybe. Did you care what Jean Kirstein had to say? Absolutely not.

“Can you believe we’re graduating today?” Sasha smiled her usual sunny smile and you grinned.

“It’s hard to believe, Sasha,” you chuckled. You tapped your foot against the wall. It was such a beautiful day, a perfect day to graduate. Standing atop the wall, you could see all of Trost. The walls were cramped, when you were inside them, but being able to stand on them gave you sweeping, panoramic views. How could you ever return to your life of sitting in dining rooms and going to dances? You just couldn’t.

“Are you going to join the Military Police?” Annie interrupted Sasha and yours conversation. You didn’t mind, though, Annie never spoke.

“Uh, you know, I was thinking of just joining Garrison.” Yes, the soldiers who got to stand on the walls, to fortify the great walls that kept humanity safe. You couldn’t think of a more noble task.

“Why?” Annie asked, her cold blue eyes looking you over, her head tilted.

“Hey, it’s okay to not join the MPs, although I don’t understand why you wouldn’t…” Sasha whispered.

“I don’t want to be safe,” you sighed, “I want to make a difference.”

“Oh, how heroic.” You knew that voice. A grating on your ears.

“Kirstein, I don’t recall this conversation involving you,” you said lightly, a bite coming through your voice.

“You know,” he continued, ignoring your remark, “nothing ever happens in Garrison anyway. If you really want to be heroic and all that, make a difference, why don’t you just join the scouts?” He had this shit-eating grin on his face and your fingers curled into fists.

“Okay, enough, you two,” Sasha sighed and tried to step between you two, but she couldn’t stop the fire now. Annie seemed to grow bored and left, leaving Sasha alone with two cannons ready to explode.

“Horse face,” you shot.

“God complex,” he responded just as easily.

“I don’t even have one. I literally want to help other people,” you argued.

“Ego maniac?”

“You are insufferable. I can’t believe you’re my comrade.”

“Have you ever considered,” he peered into your eyes with a cold gaze, “that you’re just telling yourself you have to put up with me because I’m your comrade, but you actually like me?”

Your cheeks began to redden and he backed away, shoving his hands into his pockets. He had a knowing look on his face.

“Don’t you want to go back to your little, comfortable, life inside the walls? Most people here would envy you if they found out what I know,” he whispered.

“More like I’d find myself suddenly in good company,” you eyed the other recruits, “you know, maybe I will join the Scouts.”

“You’d throw away your life over a silly remark? You know, I thought you were smarter than that, but go ahead and join the suicidal maniac.”

“Happily,” you said through gritted teeth, your jaw grinding.

Jean was staring at you, but it wasn’t cold or defiant. You couldn’t quite place it. His stare was softer and something foreign, something warmer. He looked you over and then glanced away.

In a quieter voice, he murmured, “don’t join the Scouts. I was just kidding.” Maybe it was because he knew you’d do it. You weren’t one to joke around and never do what you promised.

“Fine. I’ll think about it,” you said, triumphant with what appeared to be him backing down from the fight. Victorious.

“Guys,” Sasha walked towards the group and you two followed her. Reloading cannons and polishing equipment did get quite boring, “look what I got,” she pulled out a slab of meat and gave a dopey smile.

Your mouth watered at the sight of the meat. The smell itself just intoxicating.

“I stole it from the officer’s storehouse,” she said as if it was nothing, “we can eat it after we’re done with this! We can just grow more cattle once we reclaim our lands.”

“Sasha…” you started and then closed your eyes, “I want some!”

Jean stared at you with horror, “I don’t know if this is a good idea–”

“Please let me have some too!” Conny shouted and soon everyone was joining in.

“Okay, fine,” Jean clenched his jaw and then smiled, “I would like a piece as well!”

You chuckled and, seeing the group coming together, you felt as though perhaps you’d never need to use that hand to hand combat. These people weren’t your enemies, just as Jean had said. Maybe, just maybe, you’d get through it together. These people, the walls. Just you and your comrades. You had a sense of responsibility, but when were you ever just a kid? These people made you feel like a kid again. The joking and the screams of joy. You watched Sasha place the meat in a box and you all started to return to your jobs, cleaning with vigor.

A thunderous crack. A flash of light.

Trainees, really? The military was so desperate that they would use trainees? You jumped off the roof and onto the next, watching to titans pile into Trost. The people. The people. It was a massacre like you’d never seen before. There was so much blood. The liquid just bathed the streets and there wasn’t a single stone without a speck of iron red on it.

You sat down and contemplated your options. You were going to die here, right? In every attack in history, that you could think of, there was always the immediate reaction, the one that caused the most deaths. Then there was the planned reaction where things were actually solved.

So why did you have to get caught up in the immediate reaction? You clenched your swords. You’d killed plenty of titan dummies. The real thing was so much harder. You couldn’t even bring yourself to raise a sword against them without shaking.

They moved, they were unpredictable. Maybe this was humanity’s punishment.

“Fuck!” You held your head, a headache quickly overtaking your mind. There was too much to think about, too much mental pain.

So you needed to shut it off. You and the rest of your group from the wall were separated now. Your squad was gone. It was only you. You’d have time to mourn them later. Their pained screams were ringing through your mind, but you needed to pull yourself together.

“Alright, you’ve got this,” you whispered furiously and gripped your blades tighter. You shut off that fear response, instead coming to the resolve that this would be the battlefield you died on. You no longer cared for your life, you’d run in, foolishly.

A scream, a familiar voice. For some reason it had your heart racing, as if it could pound any harder than it already was. You rushed to the other side of the building and saw Jean, grasped in a titan’s hand. Your eyes widened, standing there stupidly as he met your eyes.

“Help me!” He screeched and it kicked you into action.

You jumped off the roof, latching onto the titan’s nape. A deep, spurting, wound. The titan fell. Your blades had dug deep. You’d been one of the more consistent and efficient slayers of the recruits. You were just glad you’d snapped out of whatever daze came with watching your comrades get eaten.

As the titan fell, an ugly little one, you hooked your arm under Jean’s armpit and pulled him to a nearby roof. You dropped him unceremoniously and you took in deep, heaving breaths.

“Oh, I’m going to be sick,” you covered your mouth. Your fear was turning into nausea, but you refused to lose your lunch. You stood, your hands resting on your knees. Jean was sitting, dumbfounded on his ass.

“At least save it for when I’m not around,” he tried to tease, but the paleness in both of your faces completely threw off any attempt of joking. He was looking at his hands and you were looking at yours. Both were shaking.

“Hey, argue with me, dumbass,” he finally said, “tell me what I did was stupid or something.”

You didn’t have the energy, instead leaning against the chimney on the roof. The tiles were absolutely wrecked and you could hear the faint screams of people nearby. You just shook your head and closed your eyes, looking up to the sky. He watched you and then stood, walking towards you.

“Oi, did you hear me?”

“No energy, Jean. Can you just quit it?”

“No, say something stupid again,” he demanded, “pretend we’re back in bootcamp.”

“But we’re not in boot camp, Jean.” You opened your eyes drowsily and saw his looming figure.

“Yes, you are,” he insisted and he held out his hand. You gently batted it away. The adrenaline was leaving your body and you had no strength to even think of standing. Every part of you was sore and your wrist hurt.

“You’re fucking dumb, Kirstein. You go and get yourself caught by a titan and drag me into this mess,” you finally grumbled, but it didn’t have the effect you expected. He smiled widely and you grasped his hand, heaving yourself up.

“You’re right,” he said, “don’t let it get to your head, though.”

You found yourself grinning now too. You tightened your grip on his hand and nodded, “oh I definitely am.”

“We need your help over on the west side! The people aren’t evacuating fast enough.” A soldier screamed. Another came over the other building.

“And on the south side titans are all over us,” the other soldier panted. They both stopped and saw the two of you, “is it just you guys left?”

“Well, I got separated from my squad and…” Jean trailed off and looked to you. You had a grim look on your face.

“My entire squad has fallen. I’m the only one left,” you said lowly. The soldiers looked at each other and then nodded.

“We’ll take one each. We need all the help we can get.” The south soldier commanded and you looked at Jean. The only person you knew was a person you couldn’t stand, but now he was someone familiar. In an environment like this, who would notice if you died? It was nice to see a face you recognized. Fuck. You didn’t want to separate, but you had your duties.

“I’ll go south,” you announced and put your hand on Jean’s shoulder. He looked conflicted as well, “you go west,” you commanded.

“But the titans–” he hesitated, “I’ll go to the south.”

“No,” you said harshly, “you’ve already shown you can’t handle yourself. I saved your ass. I can turn off this little part in my brain,” you gestured to your head, “that makes me afraid. You clearly can’t,” you wanted to save him once more, if selfishly, “I didn’t spend all my effort saving you just for you to go die again. Now shut up and listen,” you gripped his shoulder tighter as he stared at you in horror, “I’m not trying to discredit you here, Jean, but don’t you trust me?”

He closed his eyes in thought and then let out a deep breath. He pulled your hand off his shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze, which you tried your best not to react to. The man brushed his hand through his hair and then chuckled.

“There’s no one I’d trust more,” he finally relented and you wished you didn’t have to part. Maybe, after facing death, you two could truly see eye to eye. In the eyes of death, it didn’t matter who you were, your status, how you led your life. Death took all.

“Don’t forget about me, okay, Jean?” You smiled softly and crossed by him to follow the south side soldier. Even though you were shaking at the thought of being thrown back into battle, you refused to let Jean die.

“You won’t let me, when I see you again,” he frowned, but you both knew the likelihood of coming back alive from the southern side of Trost was a very small chance.

“Of course,” you assured and hopped off the roof, zipping from roof to roof, dodging titan after titan. His figure grew smaller behind you and then disappeared as he went to fulfill his duty.

Jean himself hadn’t been able to figure out why he entertained your teasing, but he solved it as he watched you go.

“I never got to tell her how I feel about her,” he finally murmured.

Your wrist was really starting to hurt. After slaying two titans, you were already worn out. You had no idea how Mikasa did it. She seemed to kill them effortlessly and she never seemed to tire. You wished you had that stamina, but that life wasn’t for you. You were destined to be tired, to be worn down, to be a human. You flexed your wrist and winced. You knew that if you dropped your swords now and let the adrenaline leave you, that you’d never get back up. You were beyond exhaustion.

You saw another titan and you glanced at your gear. You tapped the tanks on your ODM gear. Almost empty. You could kill this titan, but what of the two not three blocks away? You brushed strands of hair out of your face. Where was everyone? You looked around, desperately trying to find any of the members of the squad you had just joined. No, there was no one.

“Guys?” You called out, “come on, you can’t all be dead,” your voice began to shake.

Dread was looming over you. Yes, you had your duty as a soldier, you followed orders to a tee, but you couldn’t believe this feeling that was crawling up your gut. Regret. You took a deep breath in and once again focused on the task at hand. You refused to die with regrets.

You pulled the trigger and sunk your swords deep into the titan’s nape. Then you turned around the see the other two titans approaching, ever closer. Your hope was waning as time passed. You were basically out of gas now. Where were the suppliers? You glanced towards HQ and felt your stomach drop. Titans were crawling all over the building.

You held your wrist, suddenly letting out a small screech of pain. God, it just hurt so bad. You hoped it was a sprain and that was all. You were pretty close to HQ, but there was no way in hell that you would get through with all those titans. You jumped to the rooftop next to your building, trying to put more distance between you and the two titans behind.

“Think, think,” you whispered furiously to yourself, once again. There was no way you survived this, right?

Then, like hope reincarnated, you saw Jean. He was leading a group of other recruits. They were headed for HQ. Your eyes widened. There was no way. They’d all die, right? This must be some sick joke, like a suicide charge.

“Wait, don’t–” your voice was so meek. Your mouth was tired of speaking, your throat was dry. You coughed.

A scream. A titan? You stumbled backwards. Just out of thin air, a huge titan had appeared, it looked unlike the other titans and it crouched into a fighting stance. There was something so uniquely…human about that titan. What was even stranger, was that the titan began to fight the others. You were stunned. While you were standing there dumbly, you saw Jean take the opportunity. Okay, it was time to act too.

You jumped and prayed you had enough gas left as you followed his lead. Damn, you couldn’t believe you were following Jean Kirstein. You did have to admit he had good instincts. He saw the opportunity, he took it. That was a good moment of leadership, you’d give him that.

You crashed through the window of the building, feeling the glass slice across your cheek. Oh well, just a little inconvenience, but when you finally had caught your breath, Jean was watching you with wide eyes.

“You worried or something?” You barked as his eyes caught the cut on your face.

“Not at all.” He turned away and walked towards the common area of the building.

“You guys understand the plan?” Armin looked between all the recruits, “it’s…not that well polished, but–”

“But it’s the best we got,” Jean affirmed and Armin looked away sheepishly.

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt, okay?” the blonde boy said.

“Hurt is inevitable, that’s what we signed up for,” you stated plainly, “we’ve all seen enough comrades die to fulfill a lifetime at this point. I doubt another would hurt any worse.” but you caught Jean watching you intently, his mouth a twisted frown.

“There are some people that I wouldn’t like to lose,” Jean spoke up, “so I think it would be painful, but you’re right,” he clenched his hands, “there’s no helping it.”

You tilted your head as the others walked away to start putting the plan into motion.

“What was that about, Jean?” You demanded as you readied your gear. Being one of the better titan slayers in the group, you were going to join the smaller group of cadets to help kill the titans below. Your wrist was a low pounding in the back of your mind. Right, you needed to kill this last one before your wrist got too much worse.

“I think you should just go with the others in the lift. We’ll get Sasha to take your place,” Jean started and you furrowed your eyebrows.

“What’s gotten into you?” You frowned, “you know I’m one of the best and I somehow survived until now. I thought you trusted me?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” he grasped your arm and you couldn’t help a hiss as he touched your wrist. His eyes widened, “you’re injured too. Don’t be idiotic!”

“I’m always idiotic, dumbass,” you shot back, but with less fire.

“Why are we even arguing?” Jean sighed, “Our friends have died and this is all we can do? This might be our best shot. I can’t lose another person, please just go with the others.”

“No,” you pushed back and ripped your arm out his grasp, despite the pain.

“Quit being so stubborn. It’s like you don’t even care what I have to say. Just listen to me.”

You suddenly reached out and grasped his hand, carefully holding it. He hesitated.

“I like arguing with you, Jean. It makes me feel human and alive,” you tilted your head, “And I wouldn’t argue if I didn’t care about what you had to say,” you pulled out the last of your swords, “see you, Jean.”

“Hold.” Marco was shaking, like everyone else in the lift. You crouched on a beam, ready. You felt sorry for them. Everyone was shaking like a leaf, but they remained firm. If you all died here, at least you’d go down together. No, you wouldn’t let them down.

The titans moved forward, their eyes pressing right up to the barrels of the guns. A few people whimpered in fear. You took a deep breath in, calming the nerves in your stomach. If you missed, you’d probably die and so would others. You had to make it. Marco held the signal to fire until the titans were less than an inch away.

Bang!

Shot upon shot was fired into the titans’ eyes, blinding them.

“Now!” Someone screamed, but you were too nervous out of your mind to even care who.

You jumped up and ran until you were directly above your target titan. With all your strength, you let yourself fall towards its nape, slicing down decisively. Then, right as your sword was about to hit its nape, the pain in your wrist exploded like fireworks. You let out a screech of pain as you instinctively dropped the sword in your injured hand, leaving a single scratch mark on the beast’s nape. You were blinded with pain, the world spinning as you fell back. You’d left one sword in the beast and the other was clutch in your uninjured hand.

“Y/N missed!” Reiner shouted and you backed away from the creature that was now headed straight for you.

No, this wasn’t how it ended, right? You didn’t just fail completely, right? You felt your throat close up and for once, you let the fear course through your veins, you couldn’t stop it. Everything that was built up suddenly released in a wave of nauseous fear. Sure, you’d been a bit overconfident, but you didn’t deserve to die like this.

“No, no, no,” you dove out of the way as it lunged, with its huge hands swiping at you.

Then, right as you were on the verge of a decisive end, a person swooped down and sliced the beast. You took in a shuddering breath as you watched the titan fall to the side. You looked up to thank your savior, but the moment was instantly ruined upon seeing who it was. He was taking in heaving breaths as well, his eyes wide as he stared at you.

“I told you that you were too injured,” he panted. You gingerly stood from your place on the floor, caressing your wrist.

“I expected to see your smug horseface staring at me,” you tried to joke, but you’d now both seen death on your doorstep twice.

Jean nodded a little and then sheathed his swords. He held out his hand and you stared, confused. He tilted his head.

“We’re even now,” he said lightly.

He headed to the gas canisters and began to refill his tanks. You followed him, at a loss for words. You watched as he went about replenishing his gear, but you couldn’t focus. You had this feeling in your gut, a sinking feeling, and you wondered if he felt it too.

“Jean, wait,” you suddenly grasped his arm when he was done. He looked caught off guard and raised an eyebrow, “don’t you dare get separated from me again. You’ll get yourself killed.” Was all you could muster, despite the word vomit threatening to come out–like how he suddenly and mysteriously made you feel comfort in a world as cruel as this one.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he looked you up and down and smiled, “never thought I’d see you worried about me.”

“Don’t get too comfortable, I’m more concerned about your health and safety,” you stammered, “as a comrade, of course.”

He had a cocky grin on his face, but it didn’t piss you off like it usually did. He took a step towards you and you found it quite hard to swallow all of a sudden. This wasn’t anything like basic training, where you easily threw him to the dirt time after time. Now, he had the power and you were busy feeling injured and ashamed that you let down the others. Jean leaned down, his nose brushing yours and your cheeks were red immediately.

“I’m perfectly comfortable here, are you?” He whispered fiendishly. You pushed him off a little because everything was becoming hot. Your hands were sweating and the room felt like it had become at least ten degrees warmer.

“Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?” You tried to bite back stubbornly, but your words were falling off. Then you smiled. You were going to take control now. You pushed back towards him, leaning in and looking up with wide eyes, “if you’re so comfortable, why don’t you just kiss me already, idiot?”

He grabbed your jacket and pulled you into a deep kiss, “how about that for comfort?”

You pulled away with a grin, “yeah, that’s pretty damn good for a dumbass.”

to be continued...?

#aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #aot x reader #snk x reader #jean x reader #jean #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #fluff #angst #e2l #jean e2l #god complex #aot e2l

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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 11 months

Text

FINDING YOU Chapter 8

Summary: You're in a relationship with Steve Rogers, but his best friend just always seems to be around!

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: anxiety, PTSD

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 8

You'd invited Bucky to have lunch with you. Lately he seemed to be a little listless. Sam had been less busy with missions and wasn't utilizing Bucky's skills as often. It meant that your friend was spending more time alone with his thoughts, something which he didn't handle very well. He often became sullen and withdrawn and bringing him back out of his shell was challenging.

"Give me a second, Buck. I just need to finish this."

"No worries."

You bashed away at the keyboard, trying to document your student's progress assessment so you could get away quickly. Just as you hit the 'save' button, there was a timid knock on the door.

"Flint! Everything okay?"

Flint, the inhuman with geokinetic abilities that you and your team had brought back from the future, came in looking nervous.

"Doc, I-" he stopped when he noticed Bucky sitting on a desk.

"Flint, this is Sergeant Barnes."

His eyes widened. "You're the Winter Soldier."

"I prefer Bucky," he grunted at the poor boy.

"Flint, what do you need?" you asked, trying to take his attention from the scowling super soldier.

"About my assignment for next week, I need some extra time to complete it."

"You need? Or you want?" You leaned back in your chair and smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was after.

Flint looked at you with uncertainty. You knew he was a good kid, smart and talented. He was a natural at most things he did but sometimes his ability to excel meant that completed tasks faster than his peers and disrupted others when he was bored. You also knew he had entered a robot wars competition that weekend and there wasn’t enough time to complete the task you had assigned him.

“Umm…”

“You could consider telling me the truth.”

Flint frowned, not sure of your meaning.

The silence was interrupted by a loud crash. You whirled around to see Bucky standing beside a Technarchy coat of armor which was now on the floor.

"Buck!"

"Sorry," he stood looking slightly startled by the noise.

"Did you touch that?"

"No." His answer was that of a guilty child.

Your eyes flicked between Bucky and the alien artifact on the floor, trying to work out if he had made physical contact with the metal plate. Knowing the properties of the armor, you worried how this might affect Bucky's unique physiology. Of course due to his accelerated metabolism, he might be completely unaffected, or you might be in for a lot of trouble.

But first you needed to remove Flint from your risk assessment equation.

"Flint!" You barked, your eyes still on Bucky.

"Yes?" The adolescent asked nervously.

"I’ll give you two extra days, but you’d better win that robot tournament!"

"Thank you!" he grinned.

“You should go now.”

Flint disappeared without hesitation.

"Wow! How did you know-" Bucky grinned, trying to draw attention away from his clumsiness. He bent down to pick up the plate of armor.

"Wait!"

Bucky froze mid action. His reflexes were incredible.

"Don't touch that with your bare hands."

"Why?"

"Because the last few people who touched it had to be physically restrained and imprisoned for a week because of the aggression they developed as a result.”

“So you just keep it in your office, out in the open for anyone to touch it,” he said sarcastically.

“One of my students has the ability to distinguish different chemicals on a molecular level and we were working on her detecting what’s on this.”

“Shouldn’t that be supervised?”

“It was.”

“Well it’s not good enough, is it?” he yelled, slamming his vibranium fist through your bookshelf making you jump. The compound had taken effect faster than you'd expected.

“Bucky!” you gasped.

“What?” he spat at you.

“Are you-” You stopped mid-question. It was clearly a stupid question and you didn’t want to anger him any further.

“Am I what?” he growled. Bucky stepped forwards, towering over you, flexing his vibranium arm menacingly.

You resisted the urge to take a reflexive step back. Most of the people who had had contact with the Technarchy armor had remembered every moment of their intoxication and you didn’t want Bucky to think you were afraid of him. Of course you weren’t afraid of Bucky, but the effects of the chemical was known to cause out of control aggression which no one had been able to resist.

“Buck, you touched the plate.”

“I told you I didn’t.” He looked like a kettle ready to boil over.

“But I think maybe we should go and get things checked out? Just in case, you know?”

“I didn’t come here for you to experiment on me.”

“No one wants to experiment on you, Buck.”

“I’m so sick of you telling me what to do. Listening to you crying over Steve all the time. Get over him for crying out loud.”

His words cut deep. Is that how he really felt about you? Tears sprang into your eyes, but you were determined not to let them fall.

Bucky laughed derisively. “Gonna start bawling now?”

You bit your tongue, not wanting to take his bait. Things would only escalate if you resorted to snappy retorts.

“Please Bucky. I know you touched the armor. It’s just S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol. You remember how to follow orders?”

“You’re not my superior officer.”

“Medical advice, buddy.”

You could see him trying to quell the anger he was feeling and you hoped that he would be able to control the rage that was building. You certainly didn't particularly want to hear anything else he might be hiding from you.

“Fine,” he barked at you, his fists clenching and relaxing repeatedly. “Fucking S.H.I.E.L.D.! How are they any different than HYDRA?”

“It’s this way.” You opened the door of your office, hoping that there were no unwitting students or unlucky faculty members who might have been caught in an unexpected crossfire.

“Forget this. I don’t need your help.” He started walking in the opposite direction to where you wanted to go.

“Bucky, please.”

You weren’t sure what it was that made him turn around, but you almost wished he hadn’t when he got in your face, practically spitting with rage.

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky! Why don't you ever stop talking?”

It felt like he was goading you into a fight. You were tempted to lock eyes with him, to hold down his stare, but it was like the age old advice to not make eye contact with a wild animal. Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes were alight with an icy fire you’d never seen before. You sighed and waved your arm in the direction of the medical wing in the facility.

Bucky marched in front of you with a pace that you couldn’t match at a walk. The two of you arrived at your destinations within a few minutes.

“What now?” he scowled at you. You noticed that his aggression had lessened slightly and you hoped he would be more amenable to your instruction.

“Through there.” You pointed at a white door through which he could see a white padded room.

“NO!” he screamed suddenly.

Memories of his time as Winter Soldier flashed through his mind. In the early days, they’d force the mouth guard in before they’d strapped him into the machine to fry his brain. He remembered how the chemicals burned his veins as the HYDRA scientists pumped them into his limp body, the way his mind had no control over the meat and muscles in which it resided. He had been forced to witness horrors that had been performed by his own hand, images he couldn’t erase from his memory, the blood he still saw on his hands.

“No?”

“I’m not going to your asylum.”

You were struggling to follow his thoughts. “It’s a safe place.”

“For who?”

His words were quieter than a few moments ago and the look in Bucky’s eyes had changed, there was a blankness you’d never seen before.

“You'll be safe here. No one’s going to make you do anything you don't want to do,” you kept your voice low, like you were talking to a scared animal. “You're safe. Okay? I got you, Buck.”

You reached out a hand towards him. “Nothing bad is going to happen.”

He took your hand and let you led him inside. “It's just us here, you and me. See?”

You let him look around at the white walled room, his eyes swept across the honeycomb design on the walls before they landed on the small white cushioned bench pushed against a wall. He went over and sat down, his face devoid of expression. It was a little frightening to see him like this. You were confident that the effects of the alien chemical were wearing off, and much quicker than they had for the others. Was it because of his limited exposure or his supersoldier physiology? You couldn’t tell. You also weren’t sure about his current demeanor.

“Hey buddy,” you sat down beside him. “Look at me. Can you tell me your name?”

“Bucky.” He answered, staring at the wall in front of him.

“Just Bucky?”

“I am no longer the Winter Soldier. I am James 'Bucky' Barnes and you are part of my efforts to make amends.”

It was the pained smile he gave at the end of his sentence that broke your heart.

“You don’t have any amends to make with me, Buck.”

You shifted on your seat and your hand brushed against his. You looked down and noticed his thumb flitting over his other fingers rather erratically. Your eyes followed the movement up his arm, his biceps were twitching haphazardly. Beads of sweat were glistening across his brow.

“Bucky?” you wrapped your hand around his wrist, trying to get his attention.

The physical contact got his attention and he turned to you. He frowned. “What?”

“You okay?” you whispered.

Bucky looked at you like he didn’t understand the words coming from your mouth. His lips parted, he shook his head like he wanted to clear some kind of invisible fog. “I can’t hear you.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what’s going on.” There were tears in his eyes and you could feel him trembling slightly.

Instinctively you grabbed his hand and held it tightly in both of yours. It just occurred to you how out of control he must have felt. Was it the same as it had been for him when he was the Winter Soldier?

“I’m here, okay? I think you might be having a panic attack. I want you to try and take some deep breaths. Can you do that?”

He nodded, holding tighter to your hand. He took a couple of deep breaths before he started muttering between the breaths. It was difficult to make out at first but when you listened carefully, you could hear ‘I am no longer the Winter Soldier.’

Gently, you took his face into your hands. “Hey, it’s alright. Look at me. You're Bucky Barnes. Not the Winter Soldier. You're my best friend. No one is going to take that from you, not as long as I'm here. Got that?”

Bucky nodded slowly and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You whispered reassuring words into his ear, caressing the back of his neck until his body slowly started to relax and he reciprocated your hug.

Eventually you fell silent. The feeling of Bucky’s arms wrapped around you was so comforting and you almost didn’t want to let him go. You hadn’t always felt comfortable around Bucky, but things had changed a lot and he had become such a huge part of your life. It was impossible to remember what your life had been like before you’d been friends.

“Thank you for not trying to restrain me,” Bucky mumbled into your hair.

Reluctantly you released him from your arms. “I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking when I kept it there." You were referring to the suit of armor. "I didn't think you- I didn't think. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I'm so sorry!”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry that I said it was. And… for the other things.”

You wanted to forget his words, so you lay your head on his shoulder. It reminded you of the first time you’d truly connected with him, back when you and Steve had been together and he’d been plagued by nightmares.

“Bucky. Do you still have those dreams?”

You looked up at him when he didn’t answer. He tilted his head down to face you and sighed.

“Are you going to be worried about it?”

“Well I will be now.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I know you are. Bucky, I’m so proud of you. You work so hard. I know it’s not easy for you. Not that I make things easier, but I am so grateful to have you.”

The way Bucky was looking at you felt incredibly intense, there was a tenderness you’d never noticed before. You found your gaze resting on his lips for a moment before they flicked back to his eyes.

Your reverie was interrupted by Bucky clearing his throat. “Thanks,” he grunted. “So what is this place anyway?”

“Containment module,” you answered, pushing away the strange new emotion you were struggling to identify. “So people inside it are safe from the outside and also the other way around.”

“So a prison cell.”

“More like a safe room.”

“What's to stop me punching through the wall?”

“It's made of poly-tectic adaptive materials, which means that it's very strong, and it dampens people's powers. We use it a lot to help enhanced people who are struggling with their abilities.

“So you can't use your powers here?”

You shook your head.

“Then why’re you in here with me?” He seemed a little shocked.

“I invited you for lunch, Buck! Least I could do is spend it with you.” You grinned at him.

“There's no food.”

“Oh that's easily rectified!”

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x you #buckybarnes x you #steve rogers x female reader #bucky barnes x female reader #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fan fiction #finding you

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withasideofshakespeare · 3 months

Text

An AMENDED Rundown on the Absolute Chaos That is First Quarto Hamlet

O, gather round me, my dear Shakespeare friends And let me tell to ye a tale of woe. It was a dark and drizzly winter night, When I discovered my life was a lie... This tale is a tragedy, one of Shakespeare sources turned into gardening websites, "misdated" quartos, and failed internet archives. It is also a story of the quarto itself, an early printing of our beloved Danish Prince's play, including an implied Hamlet/Horatio coffee date, weird and extremely short soliloquies, and Gertrude with a hint of motivation and autonomy.

But let us start from the beginning. Long ago, in the year of our lord 2022, I pulled a Christmas Eve all-nighter to bring you this post: https://www.tumblr.com/withasideofshakespeare/704686395278622720/a-rundown-on-the-absolute-chaos-that-is-first?source=share

It was popularish in Shakespeare circles, which is why I am amending it now! I returned to it tonight, only to discover a few problems with my dates and, more importantly, a mystery in which one of my sources miraculously turned into a link to a gardening website...

Anyhow, let us begin with the quarto! TL;DR: Multiple versions of Hamlet were printed between 1603 and 1637 (yes, post-folio) with major character and plot differences between them. The first quarto (aka Q1) is best known for its particular brand of chaos with brief soliloquies, an extra-sad Hamlet, some mother-son bonding, weird early modern spelling, and deleted/adapted scenes with major influences on the plot of the play!

A long rundown is included below the cut, including new and improved sources, lore, direct quotes, and my own interpretations. Skip what bores you! And continue... if thou darest!

What is the First Quarto? Actually, what is a quarto?

Excellent questions, brave Hamlet fan! A quarto is a pamphlet created by printing something onto a large sheet of paper and then folding it to get a smaller pamphlet with more pages per big sheet (1). First Quarto Hamlet was published in 1603 and then promptly lost for an entire two centuries until it was rediscovered in 1823 in the library of Sir Henry Bunbury. Rather than printed from a manuscript of Shakespeare, Q1 seems like it may be a memorial reconstruction of the play by the actor who played Marcellus (imagine being in a movie, memorizing the script to the best of your ability, writing it down, and then selling "your" script off to the print shop), but scholars are still out on this (2).

Are you saying that Hamlet comes with the stageplay equivalent of a “deleted scenes and extra credits” movie disc?

Yep, pretty much! In fact, there are even more of these! Q2 was printed in 1604 and it seems to have made use of Shakespeare's own drafts, and rather than being pirated like Q1, it was probably printed more or less with permission. Three more subsequent quartos were published between 1611 and 1637, but they share much in common with Q2. The First Folio (F1) was published in 1623 and its copy of Hamlet was either based on another (possibly cleaner but likely farther removed from Shakespeare's own text) playhouse manuscript (2, 3). It was an early "collected works" of sorts--although missing a few plays that we now consider canon--and is the main source used today for many of the plays!

The versions of the play that we read usually include elements from both Q2 and F1.

So... Q1? How is it any different from the version we all know (and love, of course)? What do the differences mean for the plot?

We’ll start with minor differences and build up to the big ones.

Names and spellings

Most of the versions of Shakespeare's plays that we read today have updated spellings in modern English, but a true facsimile (a near-exact reprint of a text) maintains the early modern English spellings found in the original text.

For example, here is the second line of the play transcribed from F1:

Francisco: Nay answer me: stand and vnfold your selfe.

For the most part, however, the names of the characters in these later versions (ex: F1) are spelled more or less how we would spell them today. This is not so in Q1.

Laertes is “Leartes”, Ophelia is “Ofelia”, Gertrude is “Gertred” (or sometimes “Gerterd”), Rosencrantz is “Rossencraft”, Guildenstern is “Gilderstone”, and my favorite, Polonius gets a completely different name: Corambis.

(This goes on for minor characters, too. Sentinel Barnardo is “Bernardo”, Prince Fortinbras of Norway is “Fortenbrasse”, Voltemand and Cornelius--the Danish ambassadors to Norway--are “Voltemar” and “Cornelia” (genderbent Cornelius?), Osric doesn’t even get a name- he is called “the Bragart Gentleman”, the Gravediggers are called clowns, and Reynaldo (Polonius’s spy) gets a whole different name--“Montano”.)

2. Stage directions

Some of Q1's stage directions are more detailed and some are simply non-existent. For instance, when Ophelia enters singing, the direction is:

Enter Ofelia playing on a Lute, and her haire downe singing.

But when Horatio is called to assist Hamlet in spying on Claudius during the play, he has no direction to enter, instead opting to just appear magically on stage. Hamlet also doesn't even say his name, so apparently his Hamlet sense was tingling?

3. Act 3 scene reordering

Claudius and Polonius go through with the plan to have Ophelia break up with Hamlet immediately after they make it (typically, the plan is made in early II.ii and gone through with in III.i, with the players showing up and reciting Hecuba between the two events). In this version, the player scene (and Hamlet’s conversation with Polonius) happen after ‘to be or not to be’ and ‘get thee to a nunnery.’ I’m not sure if this makes more or less sense. Either way, it has a relatively minimal impact on the story.

4. Shortened lines and straightforwardness

Many lines, especially after Act 1, are significantly shortened, including some of the play's most famous speeches.

Laertes’ usually long-winded I.iii lecture on love to Ophelia is shortened to just ten lines (as opposed to the typical 40+). Polonius (er... Corambis) is still annoying and incapable of brevity, but less so than usual. His lecture on love is also cut significantly!

Hamlet’s usual assailing of Danish drinking customs (I.iv) is cut off by the ghost’s arrival. He’s still the most talkative character, but his lines are almost entirely different in some monologues, including ‘to be or not to be’! In other spots, however, (ex: get thee to a nunnery!) the lines are near-identical. There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to where things diverge linguistically, except that when Marcellus speaks, his lines are always correct. Hm...

5. The BIG differences: Gertrude’s promise to aid Hamlet in taking revenge

Act 3, scene 4 goes about the same as usual with one major difference: Hamlet finishes off not with his usual declaration that he’s to be sent for England but with an absolutely heart-wrenching callback to act 1, in which he echoes the ghost’s lines and pleads his mother to aid him in revenge. And she agrees. Here is that scene:

Note that "U"s are sometimes "V"s and there are lots of extra "E"s!

Queene Alas, it is the weakenesse of thy braine, Which makes thy tongue to blazon thy hearts griefe: But as I haue a soule, I sweare by heauen, I neuer knew of this most horride murder: But Hamlet, this is onely fantasie, And for my loue forget these idle fits. Ham. Idle, no mother, my pulse doth beate like yours, It is not madnesse that possesseth Hamlet. O mother, if euer you did my deare father loue, Forbeare the adulterous bed to night, And win your selfe by little as you may, In time it may be you wil lothe him quite: And mother, but assist mee in reuenge, And in his death your infamy shall die. Queene Hamlet, I vow by that maiesty, That knowes our thoughts, and lookes into our hearts, I will conceale, consent, and doe my best, What stratagem soe're thou shalt deuise. Ham. It is enough, mother good night: Come sir, I'le prouide for you a graue, Who was in life a foolish prating knaue. Exit Hamlet with [Corambis/Polonius'] dead body. (Internet Shakespeare, Source #4)

Despite having seemingly major consequences for the plot, this is never discussed again. Gertrude tells Claudius in the next scene that it was Hamlet who killed Polonius (Corambis, whatever!), seemingly betraying her promise.

However, Gertrude’s admission of Hamlet’s guilt (and thus, betrayal) could come down to the circumstance she finds herself in as the next scene begins. There is no stage direction denoting her exit, so the entrance of Claudius in scene 5 may be into her room, where he would find her beside a puddle of blood, evidence of the murder. There’s no talking your way out of that one…

6. The BIGGEST difference: The added scene

After Act 4, Scene 6, (but before 4.7) comes this scene, in which Horatio informs Gertrude that Hamlet was to be executed in England but escaped:

Enter Horatio and the Queene. Hor. Madame, your sonne is safe arriv'de in Denmarke, This letter I euen now receiv'd of him, Whereas he writes how he escap't the danger, And subtle treason that the king had plotted, Being crossed by the contention of the windes, He found the Packet sent to the king of England, Wherein he saw himselfe betray'd to death, As at his next conuersion with your grace, He will relate the circumstance at full. Queene Then I perceiue there's treason in his lookes That seem'd to sugar o're his villanie: But I will soothe and please him for a time, For murderous mindes are alwayes jealous, But know not you Horatio where he is? Hor. Yes Madame, and he hath appoynted me To meete him on the east side of the Cittie To morrow morning. Queene O faile not, good Horatio, and withall, commend me A mothers care to him, bid him a while Be wary of his presence, lest that he Faile in that he goes about. Hor. Madam, neuer make doubt of that: I thinke by this the news be come to court: He is arriv'de, obserue the king, and you shall Quickely finde, Hamlet being here, Things fell not to his minde. Queene But what became of Gilderstone and Rossencraft? Hor. He being set ashore, they went for England, And in the Packet there writ down that doome To be perform'd on them poynted for him: And by great chance he had his fathers Seale, So all was done without discouerie. Queene Thankes be to heauen for blessing of the prince, Horatio once againe I take my leaue, With thowsand mothers blessings to my sonne. Horat. Madam adue. (Internet Shakespeare, Source #4)

First of all, the implication of Hamlet and Horatio's little date in the city is adorable ("Yes Madame, and he hath appoynted me / To meete him on the east side of the Cittie / To morrow morning.") It reads like they're going out for coffee!

And perhaps more plot relevant: if Gertrude knows of Claudius’s treachery ("there's treason in his lookes"), her death at the end of the play does not look like much of an accident. She is aware that Claudius killed her husband and is actively trying to kill her son and she still drinks the wine meant for Hamlet!

Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! My thoughts! Yippee! On Gertrude: WOW! I’m convinced that she is done dirty by F1and Q2! She and Hamlet have a much better relationship (Gertrude genuinely worries about his well-being throughout the play.) She has an actual personality that is tied into her role in the story and as a mother. I love Q1 Gertrude even though in the end, there’s nothing she can do to save Hamlet from being found out in the murder of Polonius and eventually dying in the duel. Her drinking the poisoned wine seems like an act of desperation (or sacrifice? she never asks Hamlet to drink!) rather than an accident.

On the language: I think Q1′s biggest shortcoming is its comparatively simplistic language, especially in 'to be or not to be,' which is written like this in the quarto:

Ham. To be, or not to be, I there's the point, To Die, to sleepe, is that all? I all: No, to sleepe, to dreame, I mary there it goes, For in that dreame of death, when wee awake, And borne before an euerlasting Iudge [judge], From whence no passenger euer retur'nd, The vndiscouered country, at whose sight The happy smile, and the accursed damn'd. But for this, the ioyfull hope of this, Whol'd beare the scornes and flattery of the world, Scorned by the right rich, the rich curssed of the poore? The widow being oppressed, the orphan wrong'd, The taste of hunger, or a tirants raigne, And thousand more calamities besides, To grunt and sweate vnder this weary life, When that he may his full Quietus make, With a bare bodkin, who would this indure, But for a hope of something after death? Which pusles [puzzles] the braine, and doth confound the sence, Which makes vs rather beare those euilles we haue, Than flie to others that we know not of. I that, O this conscience makes cowardes of vs all, Lady in thy orizons, be all my sinnes remembred. (Internet Shakespeare, Source #4)

The verse is actually closer to perfect iambic pentameter (meaning more lines have exactly ten syllables and consist entirely of iambs--"da-DUM") than in the Folio, which includes many 11-syllable lines. The result of this, however, is that Hamlet comes across here as considerably less frantic (those too-long verse lines in F1 make it feel like he is shoving words into too short a time, which is so very on-theme for him) and more... sad. Somehow, Q1 Hamlet manages to deserve a hug even MORE than F1 Hamlet!

Nevertheless, this speech doesn't hit the way it does in later printings and I have to say I prefer the Folio here.

On the ending: The ending suffers from the same effect ‘to be or not to be’ does--it is simpler and (imo) lacks some of the emotion that F1 emphasizes. Hamlet’s final speech is significantly cut down and Horatio’s last lines aren’t quite so potent--although they’re still sweet!

Horatio. Content your selues, Ile shew to all, the ground, The first beginning of this Tragedy: Let there a scaffold be rearde vp in the market place, And let the State of the world be there: Where you shall heare such a sad story tolde, That neuer mortall man could more vnfolde. (Internet Shakespeare, Source #4)

Horatio generally is a more active character in Q1 Hamlet. This ending suits this characterization. He will tell Hamlet’s story, tragic as it may be. It reminds me a bit of We Raise Our Cups from Hadestown. I appreciate that this isn't a request but a command: put up a stage, I will tell this story. Closing notes: After over a year, it was due time this post received an update. My main revisions were in regard to source verification. Somehow, in the last year or so, one of my old sources went from linking to a PDF of Q1 to a garden website (???) and some citations were missing from the get-go as a result of this being an independently researched post that involved pulling an all-nighter on Christmas Eve (but no excuses, we need sources!)

I have also corrected some badly worded commentary implying that the Folio's verse is more iambic pentameter-y (it's not; in fact, Q1 tends to "normalize" its verse to make it fit a typical blank verse scheme better than the Folio's does--the lines actually flow better, typically have exactly ten syllables, and use more iambs than Q1's) as well as that the spelling in the Folio is any more modern than those in Q1 (they're both in early modern English; I was mistakenly reading a modernized Folio and assuming it to be a transcription--nice one, 17-year-old Dianthus!) Additionally, I corrected the line breaks in my verse transcriptions and returned the block quotations to their original early modern English, which feels more authentic to what was actually written. A few other details and notes were added here and there, but the majority of the substance is the same.

Overall, if you still haven't read Q1, you absolutely should! Once you struggle through the spelling for a while, you'll get used to it and it'll be just as easy as modern English! If you'd prefer to just start with the modern English, I have also linked a modern translation below (source 5). And finally, my sources! Not up to citation standards but very user-friendly I hope... 1. Oxford English Dictionary 2. Internet Shakespeare, Hamlet, "The Texts", David Bevington (https://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/doc/Ham_TextIntro/index.html) 3. The Riverside Shakespeare (pub. Houghton Mifflin Company; G.B. Evans, et al.) 4. Internet Shakespeare, First Quarto (facsimile--in early modern English) (https://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/doc/Ham_Q1/complete/index.html) 5. Internet Shakespeare, First Quarto (modern English) (https://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/doc/Ham_Q1M/index.html)

And here conclude we our scholarly tale, Of sources, citation, and Christmastime too, Go read the First Quarto! And here, I leave you.

#shakespeare #hamlet #first quarto #first quarto hamlet #classic literature #revisions #hey look at me #having some scholarly merit #i have so much left to learn #which is a darn good thing #how else would i spend my evenings?#the worst part about this #is that it all started because i thought a got a date wrong #but it turns out i didn't #so HA!#but then i realized i got everything else wrong so....#corrections it is!

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