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#[ feels WEIRD to write as little as i am these days ]
juyuppang · 3 days
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SAY YOU WON’T LET GO ᯓᡣ𐭩 | p.js
pairing: park jongseong x f!reader
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genre: non-idol au! new guy in the city jay!
synopsis: you did not expect to fall for your little brother’s new guitar teacher nor did you expect him to show up in your class as a new student either
featuring: all of enha! (maknae line aged down to 12 for purpose of story!!) , ningning & karina from aespa, julie from kiss of life, taehyun & beomgyu from txt
word count: 9.8k words
warnings: mild cussing, kissing
author’s note: hewo everyone!! i wrote this in celebration of jay’s birthday and wanted to write a fluff one shot! he sang say you won’t let go during the oakland stop and WAHH he did so good :’) i thought it was a good idea to include this song into the story
for the setting, i was thinking of this story taking place in new york, but you can imagine it to be any state in the east coast honestly!! this oneshot spans out so there is a few time jumps here and there but it's not too much ~
happy reading <33
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You walked into the music store with your 12-year-old brother Jungwon, hearing a song playing faintly in the background. You said a quick good morning to the lady at the front as she was ringing up a customer buying reeds for his clarinet.
As you carried Jungwon’s guitar case, he ecstatically looked at the guitar picks, waiting for his guitar lessons to start. You sat in the seats by the entrance, waiting for time to pass by, debating if you should get a pastry in the nearby bakery. 
It was the last Friday before school would start again. Jungwon chose his guitar lessons to be early in the morning during the summer, dragging you along with him. 
With your parents both at work and your grandma visiting your home country for the entire summer, you were asked to bring Jungwon to his guitar lessons.
As much as you hated waking up early, you always went because of your little crush on his guitar teacher Heeseung Lee. 
Heeseung went to your high school and was a year above you. You never made advances per se but always loved sparking up a conversation with him whenever the lesson would finish for the day. You remember the day you met him during your freshman orientation and you immediately were stunned by how friendly he was to you and your group. 
With the years passing by, you would just give him a wave or a how are you during passing period. It made your heart flutter even if it was just the smallest interaction. 
You admired him because he was sweet and kind- exactly what you looked for in a guy. You were miserable to find out he was going out of state for university, trying your best always to drop off Jungwon, just to be able to talk to him. 
Looking at the time at the clock, it was 9:58 AM meaning Jungwon’s lessons should start soon. You nudged Jungwon, telling him to go towards the hallway on the left to one of the practice rooms. 
The two of you walked towards the hallway and you handed him his guitar case as he walked into the practice room. You peeked in, surprised to find no one there. Heeseung was usually early, it was weird for him not to be. 
“Oh hey, sorry, I’m here.” You turned around to find an unfamiliar guy standing beside you. With his jet-black hair, tan skin, and catlike smirk, you gulp a little. As much as you were loyal to your little crush on Heeseung, you had to admit to yourself he was a bit too cute. 
The guy looked towards you as you raised your eyebrow. “Oh, is Heeseung not here today?” 
“Oh, he left already for uni.”
“Sorry, I forgot to tell you, my last lesson with him was last week…” You glanced towards Jungwon who started to whistle, slowly taking his guitar out of his case. 
Feeling like you were about to combust any moment, you calmed yourself down and let out a little smile. “Oh.” 
“I’m Jay by the way,” The guy extended his hand. “I’ll be Jungwon’s new guitar teacher.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N, Jungwon’s sister.” You shook his hand.
“We’ll get to it then. Nice meeting you.” Jay smiled. 
You nodded your head as you waved bye to Jungwon, walking towards the outside of the music shop. You went straight to the bakery, wanting to eat your own heart out. 
You were heartbroken, to say the least, but you started to think to yourself that maybe it was truly the end of your little infatuation with Heeseung. 
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“I am going to kill him, why did he not tell me?” You screamed into your pillow, in disbelief of what happened in the morning. 
After Jungwon’s lesson, you dropped him off at his friend Sunoo’s house. You were scolding him, annoyed that he did not tell you Heeseung was leaving. In his defense, Heeseung should have told you- which was a good point. You tried to think back if you zoned back in your past conversations if you missed him mentioning him leaving this week. He did not post anything about leaving on his Instagram either so you were gobsmacked. 
But then again, he already left, what can you do? 
You immediately called your best friend Ningning to tell her of your little encounter with Jay. She came running-literally running as soon as you got home, telling her to spill all the details of what happened. 
Ningning sat in your chair by your desk, eating a bag of potato chips. She looked towards you and shrugged. “Hey, but you admitted Won’s new teacher is cute.”
“That is not the point!” You sighed as you put down the pillow. “Heeseung left!”
“Girl, you did not say anything to him while he was still at school.” Ningning sighed. “I know he’s cute and all but maybe this is good for you.”
“I know Ning, but ugh.” 
“Hey, we start our last year this Monday. Come on, be excited. I know you’ll forget about him.”
“You just want to hear more about Won’s new teacher, don’t you?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Ningning giggled.
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You sat in your Statistics class, yawning. It was only the first class of the day and you already wanted to go home. With your teacher reading the class syllabus out loud and the material shown on the projector, you slouched in your seat a little, ready to drift off into a nap.
A knock came from the door as you peered towards it. Your classmate opened the door as a familiar face walked through. You sat up in your chair a little, baffled by who was standing right in front of the classroom.
Jay?
“Listen up class, we have a new student transferring in from-”
“Seattle.”
“This is Jay Park and starting today he will be going here. Give him a warm welcome.”
The students all looked towards him giving him a polite hello. You can already see a few girls in your class, gawking in awe over Jay, fawning over his looks.
 As you realized there was an empty seat next to you, you blinked your eyes rapidly as he took a seat. You can already hear some girls whispering, looking at the both of you. 
“So we meet again Y/N.” Jay smiled as he took off his bag.
“Hello to you too Jay.” You replied, turning your head slowly back to the front of the classroom.
The ironic part of everything was that Jay had a lot of classes with you. Despite both of your electives being different, you had most of your classes together such as Statistics, Literature, Anatomy, and Government. And he sat next to you for each class.
As you set your belongings down, you waited for Ningning and your other friend Julie in the cafeteria. You parted ways with Jay after Government as he had Culinary and you had Yearbook. You were still in shock, your friend Taehyun asked you if you were okay in class, staring at the blank canvas that was on the computer screen.
“There you are!” Ningning smiled as she took a seat. Next to her, Julie took a seat too, putting her stuff down. “Hey Y/N!” 
“Hey…funny story.” You let out a dry laugh. “Guess who’s a new student in our grade.”
“No way,” Ningning replied.
“Is this the guy you were telling me about this morning?” Julie asked as you nodded your head. “My luck is so good guys, I swear.”
“My manifestations worked.” Ningning put her hands together as she smiled. “This year is about to get more interesting.”
You rolled your eyes as you took a sip from your water bottle. “Okay, you can stop it now.”
“Let me guess? You had a lot of classes with him too.” Julie asked as Ningning and her looked at you intently.
“Yes. But that’s beside the point, I already got some girls staring at me like a hawk. I just wanted peace this year.” You complained.
“First Heeseung now Jay, you can’t catch a break.” Ningning cooed.
“And I’ll see him again later to drop off Won.” You glanced up to find Jay already in the line with your other classmate Jake. 
You looked down at your food, feeling like you saw stars. Why was he everywhere?
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It has been a week since Jay transferred to your school. You still were warming up to him, a bit quiet whenever you guys would sit next to each other in class. You guys did not talk about much. Your conversations usually consisted of classwork homework or any projects that would be due soon. 
You already had some girls in your classes who asked how you knew each other and if he had a girlfriend. You specified he was Jungwon’s music teacher and that’s how you knew each other. 
It was annoying to the point where you’d be in a bad mood whenever you were in class or just out and about ready to leave due to how many questions would be asked in a day.
Either you were still sad over Heeseung or just baffled he left. You felt bad because you did not mean to treat Jay like that, you just weren’t good at adapting to changes so quickly. 
As Jungwon unzipped his guitar case, you said a quick goodbye. Jay walked into the hallway as he waved. 
“Hey Y/N.” Jay smiled as you waved back. “Nice to see you again.”
Jay then crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. “Jungwon told me you’re not used to me teaching him yet.” 
You looked to him in confusion then back to Jungwon who started to whistle. He then put his guitar down and walked out of the practice room. “Uh, I need to use the bathroom.” 
As he walked away you looked back to Jay in confusion. “What did my brother tell you?” 
“Well, he said that you had a little crush on Heeseung- don’t get mad at him though I swear I won’t say anything.” Jay chuckled a little as he rubbed his neck.
“Oh uh-oh-” You were too stunned to reply.
You didn’t know how to react. You were annoyed that Jungwon just exposed your little crush but also felt a bit bad because Jay seemed a bit more pressured than he should have been. 
“Don’t worry though I’ll prove that I’m a good teacher too,” Jay replied. “After all I’ve been playing guitar since I was small.” 
The both of you let out a small smile, not saying a word. You felt terrible. You did not realize your little actions made it seem like you hated Jay when honestly you did not know him to even act like that. 
“Jay, I’m so sorry, I hope my brother didn't make it seem like I hate you. I know you’re capable of teaching him.” 
“No, you’re good I get it.” Jay then stood from the doorframe and smiled. “I hope in these next few weeks, you’ll maybe change your mind on some things.” 
You muttered a little “huh” in confusion as Jungwon came back. He waved bye to you as Jay did the same.
What was that supposed to mean? 
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For the next couple of weeks, your routine consisted of dropping off Jungwon at his guitar lessons after school and taking photos for the yearbook after the football games. You were exhausted, to say the least, wishing you could go back to sleep. You were glad your grandma picked up Jungwon from his guitar lessons so you could just stay after school for most of the week. 
Jay and you started to become acquaintances, talking here and there. You both would eventually work on classwork together and walk to your classes during the passing period. 
You were happy you gained a new friend- somewhat. You did feel sorry for that small misunderstanding but was glad it was resolved. 
You learned that Jay was a big baseball fan, loved all different kinds of music, and was an only child. You also learned he loved anime and could speak a few basic sentences of Japanese- you were impressed, to say the least.
You also found out that the owner of the music shop was his uncle and that’s how he became a part-time guitar teacher. With Heeseung being away, his uncle offered him the position, asking him if he could step in. 
You also learned that he moved here in hopes of scouting for places he could go to university in the future. With his mom still a bit worried he’ll be a bit too far from home, he thought the best option would be to stay with his Mom’s brother and his family in another state. 
Having some free time in the Yearbook, you decided to visit Jay in Culinary and take some photos of the class. Snapping photos of the variety of baked goods the students cooked, you could smell the aroma of cookies that lay in the back of the room. 
The assignment of today’s class was to bake a fresh batch of baked goods to start the semester. 
You walked by each of the tables, delighted by all the different goods. 
As you walked towards Jay, he was slicing the banana bread he made as he blew carefully on his fingers as it was still hot. He put the knife down as he glanced towards you, waving. “Y/N, try the banana bread.” 
You waved, setting the camera down. “Wow, someone’s a chef.” 
“Get a piece,” Jay said as he walked over towards the sink.
You said a quick thank you, taking a bite. You glanced back up at Jay and nodded your head. “Geez, this is good.”
“Thank you, thank you I try.” Jay smiled as he walked back towards you. “You know, you can get another slice before you leave.” 
“No, isn’t this for a grade?” You raised your eyebrow, unsure. 
“I made two, the other one is over there by the oven still.” Jay pointed towards the oven as you smiled. “You’re too kind.”
You got a paper towel put the sliced banana bread on it and smiled. “Thank you again.” 
You and Jay talked for a little as you headed back quickly to your classroom, seeing that class would end soon. 
When you got back, you set your banana bread down on the desk, packing your camera in its bag.
“Oo, that looks good who made that?” Taehyun asked as he stood by your desk.
“Jay did, here get a small piece.” You said as he ripped a piece off.
“Okay, you were not kidding this is good.” Taehyun nods his head. “Aren’t you lucky you have a friend who can make snacks for you during the day?” 
You smiled as you put on your backpack. “Mhm, I’m grateful he even shares it with me.” 
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“You know Jay asks about you?” Jungwon said as he ate his chocolate ice cream.
The two of you sat on a bench in the park, enjoying the ice cream you just bought from the corner convenience store. 
It was a Saturday afternoon and you and Jungwon had nothing to do in the house so the two of you decided to just talk for a stroll in the park. The weather was nice today and you both were in the mood to have a sweet treat and just sit for a while. 
“Is that a good or bad thing?” You asked as Jungwon shrugged. “I don’t know, I think he may have a crush on you.”
“Are you not learning anything with him? Do I need to switch out your teacher?” You replied, trying to change the subject.
“I’m just saying! Plus Jay is a really good teacher, don’t switch him out.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “I’m just joking.”
“No but really, he asks me about your favorite songs, what you like to do. He asked me if you played any instruments if you played any sports…” 
“Oh.” You just continued eating your ice cream, hoping Jungwon did not see your cheeks turn a shade of red.
“I don’t know but I find it very cute. Can’t wait to tell Mom you’re getting a boyfriend soon.”
“Won, just eat your ice cream or no one is dropping you off to lessons after school on Monday!” 
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It was homecoming week and you were running all over campus to get photos of the decorations. After dropping Jungwon to his lessons, you would go back to school and start snapping photos, occasionally helping your grade plan to decorate your section. 
With Friday approaching so quickly, you were relieved; ready to sleep the day after. You were happy your friends in Yearbook would cover the dance, as you decided not to go. You were not really into going to events, you just wanted to stay home and rest.
You were currently in the hallway where most of the seniors’ and juniors’ lockers were, decorating the ceiling with some long confetti pieces and streamers. The ladder was a bit unsteady so you decorated a bit slowly, trying not to make too much movement.
Jay was with you as he also decorated the left side of the hallway. With your other friends not involved with the Homecoming preparations, they all already left to go home. He was glad that the other guitar teacher was able to step in for him today- he wanted to help you out. 
You glanced towards him as he helped Taehyun straighten out the banner at the end of the hall. You felt your cheeks burn a little, thinking about your little talk with Jungwon. Was it possible that he may have had a small crush on you? You just met a few months ago- how did he fall so quickly if so? 
As Jay turned his head in your direction, you looked away as you put the last streamer up on the ceiling with some protective tape. As you were about to take a step down, you felt the ladder wobble, you tried to stay balanced but your foot stumbled a bit off the top step.
Jay ran to you as quickly as he could with Taehyun after him. He then caught you right in his arms right before you fell on the floor. 
“Y/N, are you okay?” Jay asked in a panic. He held you in your arms as you hiccuped a little. You nodded, covering your mouth. You had your arms wrapped around him, and the two of you stayed in the same position for a few more seconds. 
You could see Taehyun trying hard not to giggle as he looked away, pretending not to see anything.
Jay put you down gently as you scratched your head a little, embarrassed.
“Thanks for catching me, erm, do you mind helping me put the ladder away?” You asked Jay as he nodded his head.
“You sure you don’t need to see the nurse or anything?” Jay asked.
You nodded your head giving a thumbs up. “I’ll be okay.” 
The awkward silence between the both of you ensued when you walked towards the storage room.
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Jungwon’s friends tagged along with you and Jungwon to his guitar lessons. They wanted to go to the arcade after he was done and agreed to wait with you outside the store. You decided to go with them too, as you had nothing to do after class. It was the one day you were free and only had homework to do in the evening- it felt like a relief.
As soon as Jungwon called you to tell you he was done, you and his friends Sunoo and Ni-Ki went to pick him up.
The three of you walked into the music store and towards the hallway to wait for Jungwon. As he walked out of the hallway, Jay walked behind him as he waved towards you.
“Jay, this is Sunoo and Ni-Ki, my best friends.” Jungwon smiled cheekily as the two boys waved to Jay.
“Nice to meet you two. Where you all heading?” Jay asked.
“We’re going to the arcade across the street,” Sunoo replied.
“You should come! Y/N is all alone.” Jungwon offered as you glanced at him in confusion.
Jay looked towards you as he shook his head. “Oh no guys-”
“There’s a plushie I’ve been wanting.” You blurted out loud as the boys looked at you. “You want to help me win it?” 
Jay’s eyes lit up a little as he looked at the time. “You know what the person after Jungwon canceled, I can come.” 
The boys cheered as he went back to get his bag and lock the practice room. He went to tell his uncle in the back he would be back later and met you guys outside. 
Jungwon nudged your arm a little as he smirked.
Oh how sneaky your little brother was. 
You and Jay were in front of the crane machine looking at the Pompompurin plushies that were scattered inside. You sighed a little in frustration- you’ve been wanting it for a month already. 
Knowing how the arcade changes its stock frequently, you were determined to win it this time.
“A month?” Jay asked as you nodded your head. “My luck is not good.”
Jungwon peeked behind the other crane machine as Sunoo and Niki did the same.
“Your sister is blushing red like a tomato.” Sunoo giggled. Ni-Ki shook his head. “Jay is worse, he seems nervous like he can’t win it."
“Shh guys, let’s see if he’s successful,” Jungwon told his friends, looking back towards you and Jay.
As Jay put a token into the coin slot, the circus music started to play from the machine as the crane started to let loose from its spot. Jay cracked his knuckles as he moved the crane around, focused.
You smiled to yourself, seeing how focused Jay was. He never seemed so determined in his life to get something and you appreciated he was doing it all for you. As he set the crane on top of the Pompompurin plushies that were laid down towards the right of the front side, he took in a deep breath. He looked from the side as you held your breath a little, hoping it would work out.
Jay then pressed the button, hoping it would pick up the plushie. As the crane went down and scooped the plushie, it dropped as soon as it reached the top. 
You heard Jay said “shit” as you shook your head, reassuring him it was okay. Jay shook his head, stretching his neck. “No, I will win it.”
Jungwon giggled from behind as he, Sunoo, and Ni-Ki were too invested. They decided to go towards you guys and see if Jay was successful this time.
“Moral support!” Sunoo cheered.
Jay’s face started to get pale; he did not want to embarrass himself even more right now. He put another token into the coin slot and took in a deep breath. He aimed for the same Pompompurin, asking the boys to go on the side and see if the angle was okay. 
The Pompompurin was dropped closer towards the exit- he hoped this time around it would work out.
As soon as he angled the crane, the boys looked at the side and gave him a thumbs up, telling him it was okay to press the button. 
The 5 of you looked towards the stuffed animal in hopes it would work. As soon as the crane got it, it stayed intact and was then dropped towards the exit. You all cheered and screamed in excitement, not caring if anyone was looking.
“Jay, holy shit, thank you!!” You squealed. 
You got a bit too excited and hugged Jay as he hugged you back. Not realizing the two of you were so close to each other, you both then let go as he rubbed his neck.
“No problem. I’m glad you got it.” Jay replied, trying not to bring attention to his flustered cheeks. 
Jungwon bent down to get your Pompompurin plushie and held it up. “He is finally going to a new home.”
“Jay, you need to help me get my Charmander plushie please!” Ni-Ki said as Jay nodded his head. “Oh yes, where is it?”
As he and Sunoo led Jay towards the other crane machine, Jungwon handed you the plushie.
“He’s a keeper!” Jungwon smiled as he walked quickly towards the others.
“What did you say?” You asked, rolling your eyes.
You then looked back towards your plushie, feeling too happy. You then felt your heart race a little as you held the plushie to your chest.
Why did your heart race as soon as you and Jay let go after your hug? 
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With the month of November rolling around the corner, it meant that it was the annual talent show. Your school always had a talent show right before the Winter season, showcasing different grades and their variety of skills. 
Jay told you he and his friends Jake and Sunghoon signed up with him- as a dare from their classmates in their band class. You never heard Jay sing- from what Jungwon said, he had a nice voice. He did not want to give you any spoilers, saying that you would enjoy watching them sing. 
You told Ms.Ling, the Yearbook teacher, that you wanted to volunteer to take photos for the event and take over the page since it was still empty. So here you are now, getting ready and setting up all the cameras making sure the angle looked nice.
“What made you want to join the page for the talent show?” Taehyun asked as he walked up to you, holding his camera.
“Nothing, I just wanted to watch that’s all.” 
“Mhm, okay. Anyway, I saw the list, and seems like Jay and his friends are the 5th group to go.”
Taehyun scurried away as his friend Beomgyu was calling him from the front of the stage. You rolled your eyes, sitting down by the camera on the long tripod. 
People slowly started to walk in as the show would start soon. You had your camera in your hands, sitting back, waiting for time to pass. 
As it then was already 7 pm the front doors to the theaters closed and the lights started to dim. Your other friend Karina who was also in charge of the page took a seat next to you.
“Go ahead and take pictures from the side, I’ll help the school news team record.”
“You sure?” You ask as Karina nods her head, giving a thumbs up.
You then stood off saying Excuse me to the family on the left of you, walking towards the middle aisle.
The host of the evening which was Beomgyu stood in the center with the drama teacher welcoming the audience. You turned on your camera and started to adjust the brightness, ready to take photos. 
The first group was just introduced as you walked closer to the stage, taking photos as Taehyun did the same on the other side. You snapped a few from different angles, making sure the photos came out just right.
So far, the groups that performed were a dance team, another performed magic tricks, and another impersonated famous people. The group after was two people who juggled pins which you were very impressed by. 
Then it was time for Jay and his friends to come up. 
As soon as Beomgyu said their names, the three walked up and pulled up wooden stools in the middle. Beomgyu helped put a mic stand in front of Jay’s stool as Jake and Sunghoon held their own mics. 
Jay had his guitar with him and he smiled as soon as he spotted you in the aisle. You looked back, smiling, a bit excited to hear what they were about to sing.
As the trio introduced themselves, Jay then strummed his guitar, a familiar tune starting to play. The whole audience started to gasp, immediately whispering to themselves. 
You realized it was the song Say You Won’t Let Go.
As Jay sang the first part of the song, you started to snap photos- as in click the button as many times as you can. Seeing you already took a handful, you put your camera down to enjoy the performance.
Little cheers started to erupt as Jake took the chorus and Sunghoon took the part after. You started to cheer a little as Jay sang the second chorus, and the audience started to sing along. 
After the boys finished, everyone cheered as you clapped. As Jay caught your eye you gave him two thumbs up as he laughed a little, smiling. “Someone’s a fangirl.” You then looked next to you as Taehyun also cheered. You just laughed it off, letting Taehyun have it this time. 
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“So what did you think?” 
You and Jay sat at the corner convenience store, drinking milk tea together. After the show ended, he introduced you to Jake and Sunghoon. As you knew of Jake already from your Algebra 2 class from last year and Sunghoon from PE in freshman year, this was the first time you had a conversation with them. They were nice people and you were glad Jay was taken in by them when he first arrived. 
The two figured Jay wanted alone time with you so they parted ways as soon as you guys got your drinks from the milk tea shop. 
“You’re so good at singing?? I was really surprised.” You replied as you took a bite of your pastry. 
“You didn’t think I would sound good?” Jay joked as you rolled your eyes. “Don’t get too cocky there Mr.”
“Thank you though for actually going, I thought you didn’t plan on going.” Jay smiled. 
As you looked up at him, you felt your heart race faster- just like it did when you guys first hugged at the arcade. It was a strange feeling for you because not once did your heart ever beat like this for anyone else, heck it never beat like this when you had a crush on Heeseung either.
“It’s no problem. Think of it as a thank you for being such a great friend and also a good teacher to Won.” 
“You are too sweet Y/N.” Jay took a sip of his milk tea as you poked to his cheeks. “Did I make you blush?” 
“No!” Jay choked out a little. 
“Aw, I made you blush.” You giggled as Jay shook his head. “You’re seeing things.” 
Maybe you are starting to believe that Jay did have a little crush on you. 
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Jay still did not know his way around city- more like he just never got the chance to. With his uncle busy at the shop and his aunt still at home, taking care of his little cousins, he only knew the route to and from the school and the area around it.
You felt bad he never got to explore the area and decided to spend the entire day going to your favorite places. You thought it would be nice to unwind with Jay for the day- considering you both never went out on your before. 
You put on your sneakers, looking at the mirror on the top of the shoe cabinet.
As soon as you saw a notification pop up from your phone and saw Jay’s message, you opened the front door.
You said a quick bye to your grandma who was currently watching a game show on the TV. 
You walked outside, closed the front door, and saw Jay standing in front of your house. The both of you unknowingly color-coordinated today, both wearing dark blue and black jeans. 
“Good afternoon,” Jay said as you smiled,waving back. “You ready to go?”
“Yup, let’s go. I’m excited to see what you have planned.” 
The two of you walked then towards the bus stop by your house, waiting for the next bus to arrive. As soon as it came you both paid your fares and went to the middle as you took the window seat. 
You rode a bit further down to the other side of the city. The two of you talked for a little, him asking you what building was what and which parts of the city you go to often. 
You both then got off a few minutes after and stood in front of a beach walk. 
“Oh wow, it’s pretty over here,” Jay said in awe. 
“We can get some ice cream floats then walk on the beach. How does that sound?” You asked as he nodded his head. “You are in charge today, I’m just following you around.” 
The two of you then walked towards the small shops by the beach walk and went straight into the ice cream parlor. 
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After enjoying large chocolate floats, the both of you walked on the beach as the breeze softly caressed both of your guys’ faces. You both decided to sit for a little and wait for the sunset. 
“Ah, thank you for showing me your favorite part of the city today, I enjoyed it.” Jay thanked you.
You smiled in relief. “I’m glad. I didn’t know if you would like it or not.” 
“I’m guessing you come here quite often?” 
“Yup. I used to come here often with my parents.” 
“What happened?” Jay asked as he leaned back a little.
“Well they just get busy that’s all. We don’t have time to go out anymore because they both work long-hour shifts. That’s how I figured out bus routes to certain places so I can take Won and me out whenever I have some free time.”
“You’re a really good sister, I hope you know that,” Jay replied. “I don’t have any siblings but I can tell that you care for Won a lot.” 
“Thanks, Jay, I try, I do.” You sighed. 
The two of you then looked at each other. You felt your cheeks burn a little as he sat a little closer next to you. You gulp as the sky slowly starts to turn a darker shade of pink. 
As the sun slowly started to set, Jay leaned in closer and he turned his neck a little, leaving a kiss on your lips. You did not pull away as you both stayed in the same position for a few more seconds. 
You both then sat aback, as a little smile left your lips. You tried not to show your smile, looking at your feet dig into the sand. 
Jay was your first kiss,
And you felt like you were floating on a cloud, glad it was him who took it. 
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Ever since you shared a kiss with Jay, the two of you did everything together. It was to the point he and his friends also joined you guys at lunch in the cafeteria and even took the same bus going home. 
The two of you would subtly brush your hands against each other while walking, sometimes he’d intertwine them and sometimes he’d draw circles in your palms.
Your friends already got the hint something was going on between the both of you; they just let things be, waiting for you guys to admit to whatever was going on. 
You sat in the library with Ningning, Julie, Jay, and his friends. You guys sat at the large table, looking at your laptops reading each other’s college application essays. 
It honestly did not cross your mind about applying to college so soon. You decided just to stay locally as Ningning and Julie wanted to go out of state. You were too attached to stay home and did not know whether you wanted to leave just yet- also because you did not want to leave Jungwon yet either.
“Where did you plan to go?” You asked Jay as he closed a tab on his laptop. He sighed and shook his head. “Honestly I don’t know yet. I was thinking of just staying here.” The others smiled to themselves as Ningning and Julie held a giggle to themselves.
“Oh, you’re considering on staying here too?” 
“Yeah, why are you?”
“Mhm.” You nodded your head. “My parents are always busy with work, Grandma is getting old. I feel like Won will have no one, as much as he drives me off the walls, I don’t want him to be alone.” 
Jay nodded his head. “Makes sense.” 
“I’ll still apply though to other schools, it’ll be a second option if anything.” 
“Tell me which schools, maybe we can go to the same ones,” Jay replied as you nodded your head, showing him your possible schools. 
What you didn’t know was that Jay wanted to originally go to where Sunghoon and Jake were planning on going to- which was a school in Los Angeles. He planned to apply soon too but as soon as he heard you wanted to stay, he wanted to stay too.
He thought he was going insane when he made a choice so quickly but in fact, he probably fell in too deep when it came to you. He already had the change of scenery he wanted and he liked it here with you. He did not mind if he kept working at the music store and did not mind either if he had to stay with his uncle and his family still. He felt like it was just right to stay here. 
“That leaves the two of you to stay here, won’t you guys miss us.” Julie sighed as you shook your head. “Think of it this way, wherever you guys go, it gives us a reason to visit.”
“Fair enough,” Sunghoon replied as he and Jake switched their laptops.
You and Jay looked at each other’s essays, pointing out some grammar mistakes and poking fun at the little typing errors. 
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You walked into the music shop to pick up Jungwon’s guitar. He and Jay inspected his guitar last week and figured it needed some quick repairs as some screws were loose. With Jungwon out on a volunteer trip for school, you decided just to pick it up for him.
It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and things were still calming down. You and your friends all submitted your college applications the week before, feeling a relief of calmness wash over all of you. 
You decided to apply to 3 schools as Jay applied to 4. He also applied to a school back in Seattle just in case things didn't work out here. 
You secretly hoped you both would be accepted to the nearby university which was 10 minutes away. Since everyone else was leaving, it would be nice just to have one person by your side-especially if it was Jay.
Now it was just a waiting game for the results. 
“Hi, I’m here to pick up-Heeseung?” 
As the boy turned around, he waved and smiled. “Hi Y/N, long time no see.”
“You’re back?” You replied in confusion.
“Oh no, I’m just visiting. I go back this Monday. I figured I’d say hi to Mr. Kim before I go back.” 
“And you’re working here for the day?” You asked, setting down your phone on the table.
“One of the workers called in sick and he asked if I could help out. I had nothing to do anyways.”  
Jay then walked out of the practice room, waving bye to his student. As he walked out towards the front, he saw you and Heeseung talking. With his guitar in one hand, he turned his head a little, realizing that it was the guy Jungwon was talking about.
He remembered his uncle saying that one of the old workers would take a shift for the day but did not expect it to be Heeseung. 
Jay saw your doe eyes and how they lit up a little. He saw you smile intently as you asked Heeseung how he was doing and how university was for him. He held on to his guitar, thinking if he should interrupt but just walked back to the hallway towards the back room, feeling a bit unamused. 
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“Can you believe he joined their rugby team and is also part of the music department’s main singers for their events?” You said as you moved a few Christmas decorations to the living room. 
Jungwon tuned you out a little as he focused on putting the Christmas tree together. 
As your parents and your Grandma were out currently buying more Christmas decorations, you and Jungwon decided just to prepare the tree and put the stockings by the fireplace before they came back.
Setting down the last box, you sighed. “Won, did you hear anything of what I was saying?” 
“I mean I did for the first half,” Jungwon replied as he put the plastic pieces on the stand of the tree. “But then I didn’t hear anything you said for the second half.”
“I just wanted to let you know how Heeseung was doing.” 
“Mhm, about Jay, did you see him? He was working today.” 
“Oh really? I texted him and he said he wasn’t there.”
“Interesting,” Jungwon mumbled as he tried the put the middle of the tree together. 
“Why? I don’t like Heeseung like that anymore, it felt nice. It was like catching up with an old friend.” 
When you saw Heeseung again, you felt a wave of nostalgia hit you. You felt like a lot of things changed since he left and you felt like your little crush on him disappeared. It was cause your heart is now with someone else. 
And that someone is Jay.
“So are you openly admitting to me that you like Jay now?’ Jungwon’s eyes lit up. He waited patiently for an answer from you as you then threw a pillow at him from the couch. “I am not admitting to anything.”
“You’re boring.” Jungwon huffed as he then went back to fixing the tree. 
You smiled to yourself, humming the beginning of the song Jay sang at the talent show. 
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“Yeah guys, it’s bad, I don’t know.” Jay sighed as he kicked the ball into the net. 
He and the boys were at the park playing soccer. He called the boys as soon as he got a call from his mom in Seattle, saying that his grandpa had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital. He and his uncle were thinking of making a trip back to Seattle after Christmas to visit.
“We just hope everything will be okay man.” Jake sighed. “Have you told Y/N?” 
“Not yet. I sorta told her I could not hang out yesterday after I saw her talk to Heeseung, I feel like an idiot being a bit jealous right now.” 
Jay took a seat in the middle of the field with the soccer ball and rolled it in between his arms. Sunghoon and Jake also took a seat next to him, grabbing their water bottles.
“You’re acting like you guys did not just kiss a week or two ago,” Sunghoon said. “We see the way she looks at you.” 
“Yeah, she gets all smiley and giggly with you. There is no way she likes Heeseung like she used to.” Jake agreed.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a bit skeptical about how things will end.” 
“Enjoy for now then man, you got some time before Christmas,” Jake said as Sunghoon nodded his head. “You have some time, maybe you can finally tell her how you feel.” 
“I mean, I want to but-”
“But what?” Sunghoon asked.
“What if I don’t come back you know?”
“You are acting like you can’t visit or whatnot!” Jake sighs. “Come on, we’ll support you no matter what happens, I bet that’s the same for Y/N too.” 
“I’ll think of something…” Jay muttered. He wanted to make sure to spend a bit of time with you before he leaves. He was quite unsure whether his mom wanted him back home sooner than thought; he wanted everything to be perfect when it came to you. 
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Jay sat nervously in the practice room. He asked Jungwon and his friends to help decorate the practice room the night before. With his uncle’s permission, they decorated the practice room in fairy lights and plated your favorite cookies and desserts from the bakery across the street. 
He had his guitar in his hands a bit nervous, shaking his head. He sang in front of a large crowd before heck, he’s done it so many times back at home for school events. Why was he so nervous with you just being his only audience? 
Jungwon told him that you’ve played the song he sang at the talent show around the house and in the car. He told Jay that it was your favorite song at the moment and it’s been like that for weeks already. 
Jay thought serenading you with the song would be a good idea. He asked his friends and your friends for their opinions and they all thought it was a sweet idea. And so everyone helped him with the past week's plan while Jungwon and his friends helped him decorate the practice room.
You thought Jungwon had lessons so you just dropped him off after class as per usual. You could not help but look at Jungwon on the bus as he was all smiles and giggles. You just figured he and his friends had a lot of fun in class beforehand.
As you got off the bus, the two of you went straight to the music shop. Mr.Kim was at the front desk and greeted you both. 
You both went straight to the practice room as the door was closed. Jungwon took his guitar case from you and smiled. “I think you should be the one to go in.” 
“Huh, what?” You replied in question.
“Thank me later.” Jungwon walked away towards Mr.Kim as you looked to him in confusion. 
You opened the door as you saw Jay sitting right in the middle of the room. He was sat on the wooden stool and had his guitar in his hands. You gasped a little, closing the door behind you. “J-jay?”
“Y/N,um I wanted to do something special for you,” Jay said a bit nervously. “I hope you like the song I’m about to sing.”
Jay started to strum his guitar and you instantly covered your mouth in shock. It was the song he sang at the talent show.
You felt tears well up in your eyes, a bit overwhelmed. No one has ever serenaded a song to you or ever done something special like this before. It felt like you were in your little romance movie and you were the main character. You were lost for words and could not believe it. 
Jay really did all of this for you. 
As soon as Jay finished singing, he looked up towards you and put his guitar down. He stood up and pouted. “Why are you crying? You didn’t like it?” He wiped the tears off your face, shocked by your reaction. 
You shook your head. “No, no. I’m just- no one has ever done this for me, thank you.” 
“I know it’s obvious but Y/N I like you a lot.” Jay took in a deep breath as he then held both of your hands in his. “Remember the first week I was here? I said I hope you change your mind on some things?”
“Gosh, how do you remember that?” You laughed a little, biting your lip. You tried to hold in more of the tears that streamed down your face.
“I liked you the first time I met you. The more I got to know you and the more I got to be around you, my heart started to save a spot just for you. I know we have a long way to go but I want to be with you.”
“It’s so funny how I despised you at first for no reason.” You let out a small chuckle. “But now, I really want you to stay in my life Jay. I really do.” 
“Can I be your boyfriend Y/N?” Jay asked.
“Yes, yes you can.” You smiled. “100 times yes.”
You swooped in and kissed Jay. He puts his hands on your cheeks and you can feel the tears subside. You did not want to let him go. He was all yours. 
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You sat with Jay on the bus, on the way to the mall. Your friend group wanted to go watch a movie and get some milk tea before finals next week. 
“Y/N, I need to tell you something,” Jay spoke up.
“Mhm, what is it?” You asked.
“Well, you know how my Grandpa isn’t doing well? My mom wants my uncle and I to fly for a few weeks to go visit right after our break starts.” 
“Oh wow Jay, don’t even worry, you need to go.” You replied.
“She’s been talking with my dad about me coming back…” 
“Like permanently?” You asked. 
“I don’t know to be honest.” Jay sighed. He took your hand in his as he looked to you with a weary smile. “I don’t want to just leave you guys.”
“There is always FaceTime and we can always visit each other if you do need to stay.” 
You wanted Jay to focus on his time with his family. They needed him more than ever now and plus with him here, he could not give them his full support. He needed to be there. 
“Thank you for being so understanding Y/N,” Jay said as he kissed your forehead.
“We’ll get through this.” You smiled as he put his arm around you. You got your earbud as you put one in your ear and the other in his. “Here, let me show you my favorite song right now.” 
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It has been around a month since you last saw Jay. He was currently in Seattle with his uncle to visit his Grandpa. You remember him putting his head on your shoulder, stressed about everything a day before he left. You reassured him that everything will be okay and that his Grandpa will recover soon. 
You spent Christmas and New Year at your Dad’s side of the family in New Jersey and stayed there for the entire winter break. You and your friends all facetimed during New Year's, staying up just for Jay to reach New Year's at his place. 
Jay did not come back in time for school to start. He was gone for the first and second week, telling you and your friends that his parents wanted more time with him before he came back. You admit you were a bit scared he would end up staying there. You did not want to say anything and just kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You just wish you had more time to do things as a couple if worse did come to worse. 
It was a Tuesday afternoon and the snow started to fall outside. You heard your classmates rush to the window in awe, happy that the snow finally fell after so long. You look as the snow starts to cover the trees and bushes and the parking lot having white specks on the pavement. 
With nothing to do in your free period, you just sat in the library, catching up on some schoolwork and some preparations for college. Ningning joined you as she had nothing to do in her free period either. 
You decided not to tell Jay yet that you got accepted to all the universities you applied to and got into the one in the city. It was a perfect distance from home to school and you could just take the bus still. He did not mention anything yet to you about his applications so you waited until he’d come back.
“Wow, the snow finally came,” Ningning muttered as the two of you looked towards the large window pane by the side entrance. “It seems heavier than usual.”
“We can finally have a snowball fight with the others.” You smiled. “I need to show Jay.” 
“He’s missing out that’s for sure,” Ningning replied as she looked back down to her work.
“I’m just relieved his grandpa is doing much better, Jay told me he can finally get some sleep.”
Jay’s grandpa made a recovery as soon as he and his uncle arrived. He assumed that his grandpa just missed him and what not. You were relieved knowing that his grandpa was doing better than before.
“Me too, that means he can come back to you.” Ningning cheered as she let out a cheeky smile.
“Yea, yea.” You smiled. 
You admit you did miss Jay but knew he needed time with his family. He was appreciative of how understanding you were and felt bad you could not celebrate your first month together physically. He even bought a small cake for both of you and blew it on FaceTime as a celebration. 
“Oh yea, don’t forget, we need to reply to the admissions offices to our chosen schools by the start of February.” 
“Mhm, I’ll get that done soon.” You replied, going back to work on your essay.
“You decided on where you want to go?” 
“Yeah, I think I’m going to stick to our local university.” 
“I’ll miss you Y/N, we really been together for so long.” Ningning pouted. 
“Don’t worry I will try to visit often and you need to give me a campus tour. We got a deal?” 
“Sounds like a plan.” 
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You plop yourself on your bed, grabbing your phone from the top of your desk drawer. After helping your grandma load the dishwasher, you and Jungwon went up to your bedrooms to do some homework. You both were full from the delicious dinner your grandma made and could feel a nap coming in. 
 As Jungwon decided to stop lessons until Jay would get back, you were able to go home earlier and just work on homework. You both spent more time with your grandma, watching her favorite game shows. You and your friends would sometimes tag along with Jungwon and his friends to the arcade. Jake and Sunghoon were helping everyone get the stuffed animals they wanted you, Ningning, and Julie just sat back down, watching it all unfold. 
You glance towards the Pompompurin Jay won for you on the top of your pillows. You smiled to yourself, thinking of him. 
Jay has not texted since late last night. You wondered if everything was okay and decided to check on him. He usually was a fast replier too so you were curious if he was just busy with his family. 
As you were about to text him, his Caller ID appears on your phone screen.
“Jay!” 
“Y/N, I am super sorry, I got busy.” Jay said on the other line. You can hear him panting a little like he was out of breath.
“Are you okay, you seem like you ran a marathon?” You asked as you sat up.
“Look out your window.” 
“What?” 
You stood up from your bed and walked towards the window by your desk. You saw Jay on the side of the street, waving towards you. 
He was here. He was right in front of your window. 
“Oh my god-” 
“Surprise!” Jay said as he waved, jumping. 
“Stay right there, don’t move.” 
You ended the call, immediately getting your winter coat. You ran down the stairs, grabbing your boots, telling your Grandma you’d be back in a few minutes. You opened the front door and ran down the porch as Jay appeared right in front of you. You ran to him and into his arms as he held you tightly. You kissed him out of excitement and pulled away, holding his face in your hands. “You’re not a figment of my imagination right?”
“No, I’m here.” Jay chuckled. “I missed you so much.”
“You’re here for good or you’re heading once we graduate?” You ask. 
“Well… I wanted to tell you but I wanted to tell you in person.” Jay held you close. “I got into the university you wanted to go to. Well, more like we wanted to get into.” 
“Jay, wait, you too?” You smiled. “Me too.”
“I told my Mom I wanted to stay and go to school here. I told her I didn’t want to leave you plus it was the change of scenery I needed away from home.” 
“We are doing this?” You asked as he nodded his head. “I’m not letting you go that easily Y/N.” 
You hugged Jay again, smiling.
You had your fair share of crushes and infatuations, but never did it lead to anything. Jay proved to you that you do deserve someone who loves you just as much as you loved them. He showed through his actions that he cared deeply for you and that he wanted to stay with you even if things were a bit rough at the start. With the snow starting to fall again, the both of you looked up and back at each other. He came right in time to experience the first day of snow with you. 
“Come in, it’s freezing out here. I think my Grandma would like to meet you.” You smiled. “Lead the way,” Jay replied as you held his hand. 
You both walked back to the inside of your house as Jungwon stood on the front porch. Not knowing if he stood there the entire time, you looked at him as he clapped his hands, calling out to Jay. He waved to Jay and immediately hugged him. 
“Y/N move over, I missed my guitar teacher.” Jungwon joked as you laughed, letting him and Jay have their little reunion.
You then welcome Jay into your house as he meets your Grandma who instantly smiles upon seeing him remove his shoes. She greets him, telling him to take a seat. Jungwon stands next to him, immediately bringing over a baby photo of you from the top of the fireplace. 
You closed the front door, removing your shoes. You looked towards the sight in front of you, smiling. Jay looked back at you, holding your baby photo, gawking over how adorable you were.
“Y/N, come here, I’m going to make you guys some hot chocolate.” Your grandma motions to you as she walks into the kitchen.
You nodded your head, removing your coat, and walking over to the living room. You sat next to Jay as he started to go on and on about your missing two front teeth in your baby photo.
You giggled to yourself as Jungwon brought more photos over to him. 
Oh, how thankful you were for dropping Jungwon off to guitar lessons that one summer day back in August. 
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© juyuppang , 2024
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muqingapologist · 24 hours
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probably overthinking this subject but is it weird that i kind of don’t like most mxtx extras and tend to disregard them from what i imagine as the canon characters in my head and that i wish more fics did the same?
for example, i would love to see more post-canon scum villain fics that reimagined shen qingqiu’s journey of becoming more comfortable with his sexuality and with binghe all the way to their wedding starting right from the end of the main story. while the scum villain extras do have very nice moments (i do love the bingmei vs bingge conflict, sqq watching lbh’s memories in the dreamscape, the moments in between, etc), the extras just don’t feel fully satisfying and instead just seem like mxtx if providing the fan service that she left out of the main story. as is her right of course!
but i feel this lacking most significantly in the mdzs extras. so many missed opportunities for her to have rounded out the world and side characters, explored another layer of emotional depth with the main couple, whatever else, and we just got….incense burner and some other, much less memorable, stuff. not to mention that, while i’ve come to accept that wangxian in the book is incredibly different from their dynamic in the censored cdrama, the extras just kind of reinforce almost solely the physicality of their relationship and none of their actual day-to-day interactions as a couple or the emotional hurdles they still inevitably must cross together.
tgcf’s extras are the least offensive to me but they are also not super interesting to me. though hualian in general is probably the least interesting to me postcanon anyway since, more than wangxian and bingqiu, they seem quite in tune emotionally by the end of tgcf and so less opportunity for tension in that regard. but also the extras here being included in my perception of them doesn’t really negate the way i prefer their relationship to progress postcanon, unlike the other two couples.
anyway, this might make sense to no one at all and if so, ignore me. and if you love the extras for any or all of these, so happy for you and a little jealous! i guess my main point is that, while obviously they’re extras and just not meant to be integral to the overall story, i think that mxtx’s determination to just write what is effectively shitposting for her characters as extras is kind of frustrating to include in canon when in my mind, these couples are just entering these lifelong relationships, and there are still many things to unpack and learn about each other, and the extras just don’t align with how i think those relationships would go based on the main story, and so i wish more postcanon fan content pretended they didn’t exist lol…does anyone have similar feelings or am i just thinking too deeply about this…?
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bots-and-cons · 2 days
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I loved the werewolf headcanons you did for that other anon! if you could, i'd love to have headcanons for the same but for tfp optimus, ratchet, and bulkhead :D (ps, am i the only person who only watched the wolf scenes of twilight because i thought they were cool but never had the attention span to watch the whole movies 😅)
A/N: The first part with the cons can be found here. This was pretty fun to write tbh. I put a lot of those fanfic werewolf things into this, since I thought it was pretty funny last time. I didn’t do Bulkhead because I didn’t feel like it. Also no you’re not the only one who does that, I have a friend who watches the movies purely for the werewolves
~Optimus Prime~
•Optimus had no idea that werewolves even existed before you told him you were one
•When you first transformed in front of him, he was mostly just curious, he gave you a little pet, very carefully
•You quite enjoy getting some scratches behind your ears and Optimus thinks you’re very adorable
•Being the former archivist he is, he of course wants to do some research to know more about werewolves
•He ends up getting his information from some questionable sources aka some fanfiction and “mythology” sites, but a lot of the information seems contradictory, or just different depending on the source
•So when he comes to you with some questions, you have to correct him a lot
•He asks about the whole “alpha, beta, omega” thing, and he’s got it very, very wrong
•You tell him that, alphas are pack leaders, betas are the second in command and omegas are lone wolves without a pack, but it has absolutely nothing to with the fictional sex thing that fanfiction is about
•Optimus was pretty skeptical about that to begin with, but he wanted to make sure so he asked you
•You really love running in the woods, and you sometimes go with Optimus on scouting missions or patrol
•Your sense of smell is as good in your human form as it is in your wolf form, so you’re a great tracker
•The cybertronians smell a bit odd to you normally and when Optimus comes back from missions, his scent can sometimes be really bothersome to your sensitive nose
•You love sleeping on Optimus’ chest in your wolf form, it’s just nice to be close to him and the scritches and pets aren’t bad either
~Ratchet~
•When you finally revealed your werewolf side to him, his reaction was pretty bland to be honest
•In his head he was pretty much going “What in the name of Primus?!” because how can humans keep getting more complicated?
•You’d think there’d be some sort of limit on how weird things can get but apparently that’s not the case
•You keep revealing new sides of yourself to him, and he discovers more about you every day, but usually the things aren’t as big as you being a werewolf but still
•He doesn’t have a ton of questions, mostly just if there’s anything he needs to know in connection to your health or safety
•His first concern is if your transformation and if it hurts
•He does learn from Miko that werewolves are supposed to only turn on full moons and be aggressive during that time
•He of course sees that this is not correct, when you transform in the middle of the day
•Also the aggressive thing doesn’t seem to apply either, which Ratchet is just glad about, because he would rather not quarantine you every full moon
•The werewolf thing doesn’t bother him, he’s just worried about the fact that your internal body temperature is so high
•Of course it’s natural for you but he still thinks it’s odd, but he just accepts it as another one of your nonhuman features
•In your wolf form you’re a very big, fast and also fluffy, and you’re protective of your family, which is the autobots and the kids
•You’re always looking after the trouble trio of Miko, Raf and Jack and you’re very good at it
•You can always smell the cons a mile away, so you know to keep the kids away from them
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k1rbbbb · 3 days
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Another Phighting writing account??YAYYAYYAYAYAY
can you do yan!Subspace x former assassin!reader (reader is gender neutral!). The reader was from Blackrock but ran away and uhh Subspace kinda found them again.. oneshot please!
(I stole this request from someone because the other writer hasnt update for a while and I am in desperate need of fanfics.. thank youu!)
sorry for taking so long on requests! i've got a good handful in my inbox now and since i got a lot of my assignments out of the way, i can start working on these ahaha
requests are also still open! please feel free to send some my way in my inbox :)
aanyways, thank u for being so patient!!! here we go
tw - yandere themes, kidnapping, drugging, semi-realistic violence
˖°.𓆩♡𓆪 .°˖
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♡ YAN ! SUBSPACE X READER ♡
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˖°.𓆩♡𓆪 .°˖
Your life at BLACKROCK was -- to put it bluntly, a living hell.
Your entire life, all you ever knew from the moment you entered this world and were shipped off to that horrid faction, was violence, war, weaponry, and murder.
You were trained to hurt people. Hurt demons who dared try to question Blackrock. Those who tried to flee, to escape the freezing confines of the place.
Rules were strictly abided to at Blackrock. Make one mistake -- consider yourself a goner. The best outcome was you being thrown in prison, the worst outcome was being slaughtered publicly.
You were made to abide by the rules and silence those who made the smallest of mistakes.
Nobody ever thought you'd break the rules one day yourself.
So when you one day disappeared, having vanished off the face of the Inpherno, Blackrock believed you were a goner.
That was far from the truth.
You knew the ins and outs of the faction, making your escape was relatively easy -- a cakewalk.
As an assassin, you specialized in stealth, speed, and agility. Maneuvering past guards and treading through freezing cold blizzards did not falter your escape in the slightest.
And when you were finally out, taking a deep breath of the fresher, evenly temperature air, you believed to be in the clear, as long as you managed to keep a life of anonymity, what could go wrong?
And you were right -- everything was fine.
Until one day, when mindlessly watching a PHIGHT, you noticed a familiar face participating in the round.
Subspace T. Mine.
You felt your heart stop in the moment.
Back in Blackrock, the two of you hardly had any form of connection. Rarely spoke to one another, as the two of you were on completely different fields of work.
His rambles about discovery and science nonsense made no sense to you. His work partner - Medkit, seemed constantly annoyed by the guy's presence as well.
You always talked to Hyperlaser more often. You still occasionally met up with him and Katana to go out for drinks in Crossroads -- as Hyperlaser was your only friend from Blackrock who swore to keep your existence a secret to that awful, awful faction.
But you did always take note of how Subspace.. stared at you often, whenever the two of you did manage to encounter one another back in Blackrock.
You remember constantly asking him if he needed something, and he'd whip out some awful excuse, saying how he was just "focusing on something next to you" or "staring off into space".
Yet, he always did it often. It got on your nerves.
The guy was .. a little weird. It's no wonder you constantly avoided him.
But Subspace... knew everything about you. Unbeknownst to you.
He'd often send a Biograft to just .. watch as you worked in Blackrock. He was so utterly captivated by the way you'd wipe out any filthy traitors with a single swipe of your blade.
You were so.. powerful -- flawless, perfect.
Subspace wanted everything you had.
Subspace wanted you.
The way their blood would hit your face, your stoic expression unchanged at their screams and cries -- as you silenced them with ease.
He so badly wanted to talk to you. But he could never find the courage to do so, despite his greatness, talking to you was his only flaw.
Medkit was often forced to listen to his constant rambles about you, often tuning it out and focusing on crystal studies.
But oh -- did Subspace just want to bring you in, set you down and tear you open, digging around at your inner workings, watching as your blood would stain his skin.
He needed you.
So when you disappeared, Subspace was devastated.
His work became sloppy, slower, and his emotions became violent.
Medkit suffered the consequences of his outbursts.
Nothing was never enough. Not without you. He needed to see you again -- even if you were some lifeless, rotting corpse in the midst of a blizzard, or if you were out there somewhere, he needed to find you.
So when he felt eyes on him during a PHIGHT match that he'd found himself participating in, he turned his head.
And he saw you.
You looked different. Your appearance was different, but it did not change the fact that your face was the same.
He found you.
The match? Subspace didn't care about some stupid bux anymore. You instantly clouded his mind. Thoughts of you, your face, your skills, your expression -- everything.
He could hardly hold back the manic laughter bubbling in his chest, rising to his throat.
Subspace had found you.
And he wasn't going to lose you again.
Walking home to your apartment in Crossroads late that night was no unusual activity for you. After saying your goodbyes to Hyperlaser and Katana, you strolled down the empty sidewalk, your apartment building only a few blocks away.
The sounds of crickets in the distance, the soft breeze of the night and the lack of any demons around was rather peaceful for you.
Thoughts of seeing Subspace again had almost completely left your mind, the soft buzz of alcohol from drinking earlier had you a little more careless.
But the sudden rustle of a bush from not far behind you shattered the relaxation you were undergoing, as you froze.
As a trained assassin in the past, you had high reflexes. Any slight noise off in the distance; you were trained to take note of, and prepare to defend yourself.
The night grew still.
You swore you heard quick footsteps.
Multiple footsteps. Two people, max.
One sounded.. normal. The other sounded heavier.
Something wasn't right here.
You quickly took a few steps back, not taking your eyes off of the bushes behind you, your dominant hand moving to reach for your gear so that you could summon it--
You were suddenly yanked backwards by cold, rough, metallic hands wrapping around your waist, locking your arms to your sides.
It wasn't a demon's skin that you felt from your assailant.
" TARGET ACQIRED. "
You knew those voices.
Biografts.
A Biograft was holding you still.
" PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RESIST. "
You ignored the bucket of bolts, slamming your head back onto the robot's in hopes to damage it enough for it to loosen its grip, allowing you to escape.
As you felt the arms around you begin to loosen, a figure suddenly ran in front of you.
You felt a sharp pinch in your neck.
You screamed.
Not out of pain, you were trained to have a high pain tolerance.
But you weren't an idiot. You were clearly getting kidnapped -- and you'd most likely just got some kind of injection.
A cold hand covered your mouth.
"..shh, shh." a familiar voice -- slightly muffled underneath a mask, spoke. "Don't scream, beloved. I only gave you a small pinch!"
The demon in front of you -- you recognized him instantly with horror.
Subspace.
You -- how -- he actually noticed you earlier?!
You noticed your vision growing foggier and foggier - your brain turning into mush as comprehending thoughts became harder and harder.
no no no no noononono
You felt Subspace move his hand away from your mouth and over towards your cheek, softly caressing it with his thumb.
"Don't panic." Subspace reassured -- his voice becoming quieter and quieter, sounding farther off into the distance as your consciousness was quickly deteriorating. "I'll take good care of you."
The last thing you felt was being slowly lifted up by the Biograft - and your world faded to darkness.
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tame-a-messenger · 2 days
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Damangela lives rent free on smoshtwt
...but in the most unfortunate way because have they not seen from this fixation of theirs that there's a section of us who will have a field day if Damien surprise us one day as a guest in a Starkid prod? Or another variant at Smosh where both Angela and Damien can showcase their talents and intellect? Their chaotic bickering is like treats because there's also other Smosh duos that have it too. But those fewer times where they truly shine, whether they're in the same video or not, really feels like a reward to witness it unfold.
(I am one of those who like this duo because of their musical inclinations and astounded by their way of thinking)
I simply don't know what they are trying to impose. The perfect person podcast really sealed it to me. That if what they imply is she only tolerates every interaction she had with him is simply off the marks. The pièce de résistance they can't ever refute.
Is it also not a tad reaching to practically put it on blast with their straw picking speculation that it was a Damien thing where they perceived him not being as socially adept in a way he is not in good terms to his coworkers? That's not a good look to give to someone who was masking before.
Smoshtwt can be too much sometimes,
I think I finally figured out why the interactions between here (tumblr) and there (Twitter) are so different - They partake in 'Stan' culture, while over here is a bit more rooted in classic 'Fandom' culture.
If you didn't know, 'Stan' comes from combining 'Stalker' and 'Fan' (I believe originating in the K-pop community) (though if you google it, it says it comes from an Eminem song. Funny, but I don't think that's right) so it's a bit more... intense. (either origin for 'Stan' is pretty extreme though)
That and Twitter in general festers a more hostile community. The more you make someone mad the more they interact with you, so Twitter pushes that content because of that.
(Back to your ask)
I don't know if I could physically watch a Starkid production with Damien in it, PURELY because I'd be TOO DAMN HAPPY. I'd be pausing every second and hyperventilating lol. (fr though, that would be SO FUCKING COOL!!)
It's maybe a little bit of a weird relation but, their dynamic to me is like watching a movie with incredible writing? For example of what I mean by that- Their Reddit Stories Ep really had me thinking totally different about all the situations. Literally every story Shayne would read out I would be thinking about what I thought about it, (I like to see if anyone on the couch is going to have similar opinions to me) and every. single. story. Angela and Damien came up with points I never even thought about, but were SO RIGHT!
He'd bring up something, then she'd dunk it with the most factual thing I've ever heard! (that guy not being able to wear that watch ever in front of his girlfriend !!) That whole episode is so good just for the way they both problem solve and how well they compliment each others opinions! They just have such good dialogue with each other. (Genuinely Oscar worthy writing in that episode of RS)
Every time I come across a post ANYWHERE talking about how they don't get why people even like Damangela because "Angela doesn't even seem to like Damien" it makes my eyes pop out of my skull.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? DO WE KNOW THE SAME ANGELA AND DAMIEN???
Like the sheer amount they both have gone on record saying how much they enjoy each others presence and love each other doesn't mean anything to them?! The amount they make each other laugh??
Like it really does come across as these Accounts just really not liking Damien more than anything to actually do with his and Angela's dynamic. (I could talk about reasons why Damien comes across as 'awkward' or 'bad with coworkers' to some people at length, but I'll save that for another day)(<-signed, Another Neurodivergent person with people issues <3)
I'm also totally convinced all the people hating on Damangela haven't seen much content with both of them in it. That's the only reason I would accept as to why they hate Damangela so much lol, they truly just don't know what they're missing out on <3
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ohbo-ohno · 7 months
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Kinktober Day 19 - Voyeurism
Ghost x Soap - 1k (on ao3)
summary: Ghost muses on his opinions about his new Sergeant while watching his favorite show. (Ghost POV)
cw: noncon voyeurism but no actual touching
Johnny looks so pretty with water running down his body, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut. The scruffy hair, the scars, the blood slowly washing away - all of it paints the prettiest fucking picture Ghost has ever seen.
He hates it. 
Johnny has no right being so tempting, no right looking like that even when he thinks he’s alone.
Ghost’s heavy breaths fog up the window of the door he’s looking through, and he roughly wipes away the condensation with the side of his fist. The last thing he needs right now is a reminder that he’s not supposed to be watching Johnny, that this is wrong.
Of course it’s wrong. Everything about the way Ghost feels for Johnny is wrong.
He was never supposed to matter. This was all supposed to be temporary, but Johnny went and got himself a permanent spot on the task force, and now Ghost has to live with a constant want while Johnny walks around without a care in the world.
He snarls as Johnny relaxes further into the warm stream of water, heaving a big enough sigh that Ghost can watch as it leaves his lungs.
Here Simon is, panting like an animal and hiding behind a door, while Johnny gets to fucking relax, gets to treat himself like a fucking king.
Alright, that might be a little unfair. The military showers are far from royalty worthy, but still. Ghost hasn’t known peace since the Sergeant tapped his shoulder and promised to save him a seat, it’s bullshit that he gets to feel so at ease.
If Ghost had anything less than perfect self-control, he’d have fixed all of this tension weeks ago. Stormed right up to the Sergeant, shoved him into the closest room, and fucked all the horrible need away. But no, he can’t just go around fucking his subordinates, Price would pitch a fit.
So he’s stuck outside the shower, like a peeping Tom. It’s humiliating.
At least Johnny is decent enough to give him a show.
He always waits for the water to cover him fully after a mission, for all the dirt and grime and blood to be washed away. That had been a shocking thing to learn about Johnny - he likes things clean. He’s always the first one in the showers as soon as they’re dismissed from debriefs.
Once the water runs clear and all the filth has gone down the drain, Johnny palms his cock.
He’s never soft with himself. Ghost isn’t sure if he likes that or not - part of him wants to pin Johnny down on the filthy bathroom floor, watch him whine and complain while he strokes his cock as slowly as possible, giving him just a hint of sensation. The other part of him wants to pin Johnny to the tile and stroke him hard and fast, watch him writhe and maybe even cry a little when the pleasure starts to hurt.
Johnny walks a line between those two extremes. He jacks himself quickly and with little finesse, but he always makes sure he’s got some lubricant, and he never edges himself. He’s almost efficient about it.
The sight of Johnny’s body, scrubbed clean and gone a little pink from the heat of the water, is like a trigger for Ghost’s cock these days. He’s already thickening in his pants before Johnny starts truly getting himself off.
He doesn’t pull his cock out - for some reason that feels like a step too far. Instead he holds a heavy hand over his crotch, fucks his fist as best he can while still maintaining a thing veneer of modesty.
Another thing Johnny doesn’t even realize he gets. He puts on such a pretty show for Ghost every night, and Simon never gets to reciprocate. 
It’s difficult to follow the exact motions of Soap’s work with the steam beginning to fog up the glass from the inside. The vague motions almost get Ghost more worked up, though, leaving him to imagine what Johnny’s fist looks like around his cock.
It’s not difficult to picture, Simon’s seen it more than enough times by now.
The fog is an excuse to watch Johnny’s face. He’s always so expressive, teeth digging into his lower lip, eyebrows twitching wildly as he brings himself closer and closer to the edge. He never breathes steadily when he gets himself off, and the way his chest rises and falls in such jerky movements never fails to get Ghost all that much closer to the edge.
He’s stunning. Ghost hates it.
Johnny’s almost glowing when he finally comes, mouth dropping open into the perfect o shape. His hips buck into his own fist as he milks himself, stripes of cum painting his abs. 
Ghost comes at nearly the same time, low growls he can’t silence rumbling in his chest, the uncomfortable stickiness of a wasted load of cum soaking into his boxers.
He matches Johnny’s breaths, tries to calm himself down.
He doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to resist finding that closest room, resist finding out how pretty that gorgeous expanse of tanned skin would look under his skin.
Ghost wants Johnny reddened from his palm, not the steam. He wants his cum buried deep insode of Johnny - his stomach, his hole, anywhere he can get it. He wants to be able to edge Soap, to show him the exquisite torture of delayed pleasure. He wants to hold the man down, force him where he wants, feel all that rippling muscle and fight that Johnny carries.
He wants Johnny. 
He’s not sure how much longer he’ll be able to resist him.
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thatonegayship · 7 months
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I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
#billdip#I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace#hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️#sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲#I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class#and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd#all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan#honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss#You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits#it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan#i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into#that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them#i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠#sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself#and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢#little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch#I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit#Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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daisywords · 1 month
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as someone who was raised with a comparatively healthy mindset around food, I keep being baffled/concerned by other people’s eating practices that they’ll just drop like it’s no big deal. “I’m doing this intermittent fasting thing where I only eat one meal a day” girl if your one meal is the salad you eat every day for lunch I’m. that’s eating disorder behavior. and they talk about this stuff like it’s normal! “I’m trying out this new meal plan where—“ oh a starvation diet? You’re starving yourself?
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afniel · 4 days
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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.
(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)
#Nevi Writes#things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay#because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point#other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212#what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes#though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not#Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK#fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now
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despairforme · 3 months
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He's hoping February will be better.
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dangaer · 4 months
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being 'cringe' is banned in 2024. being yourself is not weird at all and embracing any emotion you feel is in.
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void-chara · 1 year
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first finished piece of lifesteal fanart yaayyy!! I. I started this during the second round of the mcytblr sexyman contest. Why does art take me so long. I finished most of it a while ago but the scythe just took forever because I couldn’t figure it out and kept redoing it. I think it turned out good though!
#clownpierce#mcyt#lifesteal smp#lifesteal#btw I am Ssoooo normal about lives being represented with red hearts and white stars. <- is not normal and is constantly thinking about#undertale and deltarune. I am the opposite of normal I see my little video games everywhere.#also I actually finished this a day or two ago I just couldn’t figure out what to caption it. Me when the Issues#Oh wait. Uhhh. Should I tag for blood. Probably#cw blood#That’s probably good. I’m sure it’s fine#actually technically I drew this for someone bc they voted clown in the polls. But I said Id draw anyone and they said to just draw whoever#I wanted and so I just picked a sketch id doodled a while ago. And now it’s been a while since the event. And they didn’t really even#request this piece so I’d feel weird tagging them. I’ll still send it to them tho but like I’d feel weird mentioning it in the body of the#post Since while this was technically a request it was really mostly a thing for me that someone else gave me an excuse to draw#also no ID this time I’m having a certified Written Language Learning Disorder-Austin crossover event combo attack#so I am doing these sentences ok but description sentances will Not go well probably. If someone else writes an ID I’ll credit you and add#it to the original post. Honestly even if someone writes like the script for an ID o the start of one I’d be able to elaborate on it I just#can’t start one and do it entirely myself right now#chara makes things
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lonely--seeker · 10 days
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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bittersweetresilience · 4 months
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i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life
#i'm particularly pleased with the second one because i remember writing the entire fic in a twenty minute sprint and assuming it sucked and#never looking at it again. but it's fine surprisingly. third one is the same i got a lot done that day#having a lot of writing experience is really just accumulating a bunch of similes and metaphors you can whip out easily and knowing how to#balance action narration internal external observation feeling without thinking. maybe writing poetry helps. i really like rhythm and flow#and making sentences end in a way where if you read them aloud it's almost like they're rhyming#i'm not trying to praise myself i'm just thinking#but you know what? i should praise myself. good job sunny#you did it. you're happy with your work again. you stopped having the crazy unhealthy social media feelings#you are comfortable with yourself even with everything that's happened and everything you're still afraid of a little bit#and you never stopped writing about murder and insane unshowable things 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#everything is going to be okay i love ME and AUTUMN and MOONIE#wow i'm really just rambling to myself in the tags of a post where i feel good about myself 🤣 how cringe. how silly#but i will be cringe forever and weird and shedding the skin of my shame 😌#i'm also listening to kurzgesagt soundtracks right now and thinking about the vastness of the universe#and how small i am and how none of this really matters and yet it's so beautiful and that just has me feeling some kind of way#🌃#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic
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gillianthecat · 1 year
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Apparently it's Ben Franklin's fault* that electrons are negative. I can't really blame him, he had to make a random guess which side to call positive and which negative, but I'm still a little mad. It would make physics and chemistry significantly easier for my poor confused brain if he'd guessed the way that made electrons have the positive charge.
*based on an answer on quora. they seemed knowledgeable, but i didn't actually fact check anywhere else.
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