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ceilingfan5 · 3 years

Text

Safe Harbor

“Lighthouses,” the tour guide drawls, “Aren’t just pretty pictures on calendars. They’re a beacon in the darkness, symbols of hope, all that jazz. But they’ve also literally got a job to do, even today.”

His name is Taako, and unlike the other lighthouse keepers Kravitz has seen on this tour his moms dragged him into, he’s about Kravitz’s age, and he’s beautiful. Kravitz hangs on every word, even though a lot of them are recycled from the other tours. There’s only so much a guy can learn about lighthouses. He tried to tell his moms this, but they just laughed and kept taking windswept pictures. He’s almost ready to thank them, though, for the privilege of getting to spend the better part of an hour in Taako’s intimate radius.

There’s not a lot of personal space in a lighthouse.

“You lot seem familiar with the poetry. I’ll skip the rest. This gorgeous beastie has been around for almost two hundred years, despite the ocean’s best attempts on her life. And she’s got something special.”

Kravitz read the pamphlet, but he asks anyway.

“What’s special about it?”

“You can divine the future from all the damn bird shit on the ground,” Taako deadpans, and then laughs at his own joke. Kravitz laughs too, so incredibly, foolishly charmed. “Nah, it’s a whole thing. Every lighthouse has got a characteristic, yeah? A pattern for the light so you know who’s who and where’s where? This one’s characteristic is a flash of one, one-two-three-four, one-two-three.”

Kravitz blinks.

“Cool?”

Taako grins. Kravitz’s moms look at each other and laugh. Kravitz had almost forgotten they were there again. Taako holds up his fingers as he spells out:

“One, four, three. I l-o-v-e y-o-u.”

Kravitz’s cheeks burn about as bright as the giant night-light above their heads.His moms awwww behind them.

“They were actually going to change it, and the community got way upset, like, ahh, I took my soulmate here when we first dated, you can’t do that, so they didn’t.”

“Wow,” Kravitz says, fully aware he sounds like a big dumb idiot. “Love wins.”

Taako snickers.

“Yeah, guess so. Hey, you crew wanna see the top?”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can do the stairs on this one,” Raven says, and Istus nods as seriously as she can manage. “My knees, you know.”

Traitors. Or wingladies? The world may never know.

“I’ll go with you,” Kravitz volunteers. “It’s. Cool to see the view.” He doesn’t like heights. This is a lie to talk to a pretty boy for a little bit longer. But Taako grins and leads him up the terrifying stairs, so...he wins? Taako rattles off more facts as they spiral upwards, seemingly more excited now, and Kravitz tries not to swoon, because those stairs forgive no sins, no sins whatsoever.

“So you’ve already been on a few of these tours, you’ve probably heard all the hot deets, you know, about tallow versus lard and wicks and glass chimneys, right? Fresnel lenses and all that?”

Kravitz nods, which he realizes Taako can’t see.

“Yeah, they’re also in, um.” There’s so many fucking stairs. “Car headlights.”

“Smart boy.” Kravitz gets the firm impression Taako would be winking at him if he could. His cheeks burn even brighter. He’ll guide the ships back home with his fucking face. “So I won’t bore you with all that. But I will bore you with this--did you know magic likes significant places?” He doesn’t wait for a response, mercifully letting Kravitz just climb the stairs. “And high places, too. The grip of reality is thin. And you know, sometimes, sometimes you can see things.”

Kravitz figures if he sees anything funky, it’s probably his body warning him he’s about to pass out after climbing up God’s asshole, but he keeps that to himself. Taako seems to believe it. Kravitz will pretend it’s a real thing for Taako. Gorgeous Taako.

“You don’t have a soulmate yet, do you?” Taako finally gets to the top, and he turns and offers Kravitz a hand. It feels incredibly significant. He takes it, of course, and Taako helps him up to the very top of the lighthouse. The eye of the beast glitters brightly as it slowly turns, massive and celestial in a way that leaves Kravitz reverent.

“No,” he says, editing out what gave it away, the fact that I’m on vacation with my moms?

“Cool,” Taako says, with a gap-toothed grin. “Check out that view.”

Kravitz doesn’t want to look at the view, but obediently, he turns, and he sees the world and the ocean spread out before him, glistening and inviting, and he squeezes Taako’s hand tightly as vertigo grips him by the guts and shakes him like a doll. His life flashes before his eyes--no, not his life, another man’s life, and he’s out on the sea in a little fishing boat, and he’s made the worst and definitely last mistake of his life. The storm is rolling in like a train made of pea soup, and he knows, knows deep down in his soul, he’s going to die. There’s no way he’ll find the shore again.

And then he turns, and there’s a light in the darkness, hope against the hopeless sea, flashing once, four times, three times. His love is guiding him home, and he paddles like his sorry life depends on it. And it does. He crashes on those vulturous rocks, and he imagines he’s gone and died after all, and he wakes up in a tiny bed, a man with beautiful eyes bringing him something to eat.

“I do feel awful about your boat,” he says, in a familiar voice. “But I knew you’d come back to me.”

Kravitz hurls back to the present and almost loses his clam chowder lunch about it, but Taako steadies him. Those eyes, those familiar eyes, glittering like the sea, they guide him back to reality. A beacon of hope, and all that jazz.

“What did you see?” Taako begs, absolutely thrilled. “Did you see your soulmate?”

“Yeah,” Kravitz whispers, so lightheaded and terrified and confused and happy he could just combust. “Yeah, I did.”

#taakitz #taakitz fic #taz #tazb #taz balance #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #long post #sorry this is long it took me a bit to get to the point #okay so listen. ive been watching modern marvels on youtube and it makes me feel things okay. tonights episode was about (guess) lighthouse #anyway brrrrrrrr #fan5fics

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patriciasage · 3 years

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a job for a wizard chef

Author: Patricia_Sage

Fandom: The Adventure Zone - Balance

Summary:

Angus scurries over and tries to retrieve the piece of paper, but Taako holds it high above his head. The boy has gotten taller over the years, but Taako’s arms are quite long. When he reads the note his blood runs cold. “Oh, Angus, what the fuck did you do?”

[Angus gets himself into trouble. Taako gets him out of it.]

{chapter one of three}

posted in full under the break but you can find me on AO3!!

Taako is teaching Angus his first fourth level spell, Fire Shield, when a note suddenly flies through a smoky portal and plasters itself to the boy’s glasses. Taako finishes extinguishing his singed sleeve, then teases him. “Ooh, Ango Tango… Does someone have a love letter?”

But when Angus reads the note, he doesn’t blush or smile. In fact, pretty much the opposite happens. His dark skin pales and his lip starts trembling. He looks terrified. He tries to compose himself and put the note in his pocket to avoid Taako’s concern. “Okay, um, go ahead. I’ll try the shield one more time.”

His hands are shaking when he raises his wand, and he won’t look Taako in the eye. “Hey, little man, what’s going on?”

“N-nothing, sir. Nothing a detective can’t handle by himself.”

Taako nods, raising his staff. “Well, you see, I’ve done some research and I think this job is actually for a wizard chef.” He casts Mage Hand and plucks the note out of Angus’s vest pocket. The boy tries to grab it as it floats away, but he’s not fast enough. When Taako has the note in his hand, he thinks about how Lucretia would chastise him for this invasion privacy…but he knows that Lup or Magnus would meddle if they were in his place.

Angus begins to sniffle. “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t know.”

Taako hugs him. They very rarely do, but the kid really needs one right now. “Don’t worry, Mango, daddy’s gonna take care of everything.”

“What?”

“Oh, never mind.”

*** *** ***

The necromancer’s lair is in the middle of a dark forest just outside of Neverwinter. Taako blackmails Avi to let him use the Bureau’s moon cannon to get there.

“If you don’t let me use this and keep your pretty mouth shut, Avi, I’m going to tell everyone about your big bisexual crush on Davenport.”

“What!?” Avi’s voice cracks. “I-I don’t…” Pitifully, he leaves it at that.

“Mhm,” Taako says. “I’m not one to judge, but he was so messed in the head he could only say his own name. Is that what does it for you? That’s a little fucked up, my man.”

“No!” Avi protests. “It was after everything happened! When he got himself back!”

Taako smirks in reply. It takes him a few seconds, but Avi realizes he just confirmed Taako’s hunch. He loads the wizard into the cannon without a word.

The building is threatening and gloomy, but in a vapid way, like they designed it from the cover of Spooky Necromancer Magazine or a child’s design of a haunted house. Taako rolls his eyes and approaches the front door, knocking with his staff.

A small panel, about 1 foot squared and halfway up the door, slides open. A greasy looking halfling peers out at Taako’s abdomen. The wizard leans down so they’re eye-to-eye. It’s Hell on his aching joints. “Password?” the halfling says.

“Uh…let me in.”

The guard gives him an incredulous look. “No. That’s not the password.”

“Darn.” Taako sends a burst of magic into his staff, causing the orb on top to glow. He lowers it to mere centimeters away from the halfling’s nose. “Is this the password?”

He squints in the light but doesn’t seem scared. “Yeah, go ahead, pretty boy. This place is magic-proof.”

Taako straightens up, the pain in his hip becoming unbearable. He leans against the staff and looks down his nose at the guard. “One more guess. Artichoke heart?”

“…No.”

“Hm.” Taako walks away.

Once he’s safely out of sight, he turns and approaches the building from the back. There’s only one window, but Taako casts Prestidigitation, making the glass too dirty to see through.

The building may be encased in magic, but they didn’t say anything about the ground. Taako uses Hole Thrower and creates a 7-foot-deep tunnel at an angle, then he slides down into the basement.

A few of the necromancers spill their drinks when he walks into their living room brushing dirt off of his silk pants. There’s a smattering of swears and a clattering of weapons. Taako extends the note as a shield. “I’m here on behalf of the world’s greatest detective.”

*** *** ***

During his last case, Angus was in desperate need of information. Turns out the kid, brilliant as he is, didn’t read the fine print and unintentionally signed his life away in exchange.

“He made a pact. Fair is fair. In exchange for the information, he’s indebted to us.” The necromancers have relaxed, once again seated on the couch and around the kitchen table. One of them even offered Taako a drink, but he declined. He’s just relieved to be able to finally sit down.

Taako leans an elbow on the table. “Well, yeah, okay. You do know he’s eleven, right?”

“Velsharoon doesn’t discriminate.”

“Alright, but I do.”

The necromancer coughs a little on her coffee. “That’s not…that doesn’t matter. He’s indebted.” The man beside her shrugs in agreement.

“Hm.” Taako inspects his nails. “Not anymore.”

“Hey, listen, wizard –”

“No, you listen, denim jacket.” Taako stands up so he can loom over them, staff in hand. The woman seems uncertain as to whether she should put her cup down or not. “Here’s the plan. I will take on the boy detective’s debt.” She raises her eyebrows in interest. The wizard interrupts her with a raised finger. “I’ll complete up to five – five! – necromancy tasks for you. I won’t kill anyone…not on purpose. But, other than that, I’m pretty versatile.” He sits back down. “And after I’m done those tasks, that’s it. Contract up. You leave me alone and you leave the kid alone for the rest of his beautiful life.”

“But his agreement was an eternal debt.”

“But I’m dating a Bounty Hunter for the Raven Queen, so it’s going to be five tasks and I don’t have you incarcerated, capisce?”

They draw up the paperwork.

Taako winks at the baffled halfling as he leaves out the front door.

#as a taz balance fic author i am contractually obligated to write one Dad!Taako story #taz balance #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #taz taako #taz angus #taz angus mcdonald #angus mcdonald #taz kravitz #taakitz #taz lup #blupjeans #taaco twins #taz balance fanfic #the adventure zone fanfic #fanfiction #author #fanfic author #taako has chronic pain

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barryjeanblues · 4 years

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taako meets death (again)

(also posted to my ao3)

taako has met two raven queens in his life before now.

well, close enough, at least. most - though not all - of the worlds the starblaster had traveled to had gods, and surprisingly enough, those gods were usually - though not always - strikingly similar to their homeworlds gods. (this was useful, because one of the crews number relied very heavily on a certain nature god for his magic. luckily, the nature or life god of each world always seemed to have a soft spot for little old merle, even if they werent merles traditional cloven-hoofed pan.)

twice, taako had met the death god - someone equivalent to faeruns raven queen.

this had led to taakos understandable trepidation upon kravitz finally putting his foot down and insisting taako meet his mother boss.

the first time taako had met a raven queen, she had been… overwhelming. the light of creation had fallen into a forest dedicated to her and her followers, and the head acolyte refused to give the wandering crew the light unless they first received permission from the queen.

the crew had agreed, with no other option, bracing themselves to firmly explain the direness of the situation. surely a goddess would be intelligent enough to understand.

that raven queen had burst into a forest cleaning in an explosion of black feathers, half illusion, half steel, so that when lup brushed the smoky feathers from her eyes they blurred and dissipated, but when magnus tried the same thing he yelped and brought his hand back bleeding.

that raven queens laughter had been eerie and echoing, almost but not quite mocking, almost but not quite infectious, almost but not quite joyous. the crew had stood firm and offered their argument, and the queen had given them tests and tokens and bargains and tricky promises with too many clauses and loopholes and at the end of it all the ipres numbers had been halved and the rest were weary and worn as they caught the light of creation and fled with only minutes to spare, the faelike laughter of death following them terribly even through the overwhelming cacophony of the hungers assault.

that laughter had trailed after them longer, if only in their heads. taako would be making stir fry, planning outfits, swapping merles shampoo for hair-loss potions, when hed have to sit down suddenly and breathe through the musical trills of the raven queens cruel pleasure. it had seemed to bounce in his head the way a rubber ball might, ricocheting off thoughts and feelings until it rolled under a couch to be forgotten about, till some slight movement sent it rolling and bouncing about once more.

davenport had died in an illusion, thinking he was saving his crew. poor merle had been choked by his own plants, betrayal writ across hos face. barrys skin had grown sickly purple with poison - ten to one odds arent very good odds. taako doesnt forget easily. he decides the goddess of death can go fuck herself.

the second raven queen taako had met much later in their journey, and taako had met her alone.

lup and barry had become liches a few cycles back. it was something taako had still been coming to terms with.

taako loves lup. this is an immutable fact of any and every universe. taako loves lup and lup loves taako and not death or memory or space can separate them, not for long. but seeing your sister die, and then… go beyond death, to twist herself and latch on to a chance that she may never return except in madness and spite - thats a hard thing to grasp, even when she succeeds. taako had still found himself shivering when his sister forgot she had a body again and grabbed a hot pan off the stove, crying out in pain. taako still woke sweating from nightmares in which his sister and his friend flew apart and reformed as cackling red robed horrors of insanity and cruelty, too far for him to reach.

until that cycle, though, barry and lups choice had only been an asset.

but some raven queens do not take kindly to anything they see as a perversion of their domain.

barely a week into that cycle, taako had awoken from the guilty non-elven pleasure of a nap only to find himself in some cold, hard court, fashioned seemingly of steel and silver and concrete, onyx lining the floor and the only color coming from sparse sapphires sparkled throughout the long echoing hall.

at the end of it - and taako had known his eyes must have played tricks on him, because at first the being at the end of the hall seemed, while large, not much larger than a giant, but when hed called a nervous greeting his voice had echoed so awfully he knew the hall stretched much farther than hed thought and the goddess at the end of it must have been unimaginably huge.

her eyes had glinted a flinty sapphire in her carven steel face when she ordered him to defend the existence of his sister and his sisters lover.

taako had tried. he truly, truly had. but while taako is a being of preservation and caution, full of intelligence and cleverness, he is not one of cold hard logic. perhaps lucretia could have convinced this raven queen, the only of their number who had ever been able to grasp true hard reason… but taako doubts it. he had doubted it then and he doubts it even more these days.

the point is, taako, for all his love for his family and his brilliant wit and devotion (probably, in fact, because of it) taakos arguments couldnt convince that raven queen. she saw past his genuine belief that lup and barry had made a good decision, and into his fears for her, and the goddess of death had based her own argument on those. she won. taako never had a chance.

he, lup, and barry had woken up in the next cycle, newly resurrected. taako never stops feeling guilty about it.

so. yes.

taako is more than a little nervous about meeting the goddess his boyfriend serves so devotedly. but, and youd be hard pressed to convince him to admit it, taako would do anything for kravitz. and despite it all he does actually want to see what the deal is with his sister and his best friends boss, and his patron gods… friend? lover? girlfriend? taako isnt quite sure what fate and death are to each other, but its definitely something.

kravitz lays a warm hand on taakos shoulder, but taako squares them up. he can do this, for fucks sake - hes died a shitton of times, he can meet death.

the doors open and taakos breath - the only breath in this realm of the dead - catches in his throat.

taako is a die hard istus fan, and shell always be his goddess. but if taako wasnt a taken elf, hed follow the raven queen, he realizes with a startle.

shes beautiful, yes. shes gorgeous, and taakos always been weak for beauty, but hers isnt the cold hard beauty of gemstones and gold, thinks his nimble fingers snatch up and hoard in his endless pockets. the raven queen is beautiful in a way that taako cant describe as anything other than simple.

he cant pin down any features. she has a kind face, gentle hands, bright eyes, but taako can tell she is a goddess because despite staying still the image of her flicks and shifts in his head. at once she seems to have every kind face hes ever seen, even if he doesnt recognize anyone. her hands reach out to comfort him - no more than comfort - but she stands without moving in front of taako and kravitz. her eyes glitter and sparkle and crinkle up with cheerful laughter, except taako isnt entirely sure she has eyes at all, or maybe she has too many.

he thinks… he thinks maybe she has wings, or maybe theyre arms, or maybe theyre black fabric, draped around and behind and below and above her, shifting with the last breaths of every mortal in the universe. its darkness but its not scary, taako realizes, its solacing, healing, the way that he feels when dusk passes to night and the sky is huge and warm and the brush of lups hand against his as she says goodbye for the night is a relief and a love.

hello, taako, death says. its lovely to meet you.

she means it, taako knows. he can tell, somehow. shes just happy to meet him. nothing more, nothing less.

'oh,' taako says aloud, and kravitz laughs his quiet sweet dorky laugh, and the raven queen laughs too, and its just that. its just a laugh, and its a nice one.

'oh indeed,' kravitz says. 'taako, did you really think id serve a monster or a cruel master?'

'well,' taako replies hesitantly, 'honestly, homie, i kind of thought you were, and id, like, have to start some quest to slay death itself and rescue you.'

the anthropomorphic personification of death laughs again, a note of delight in her tender voice. i like him, my kravitz, she says, good job.

kravitz does the dead-reaper equivalent of blushing. taako grins a little because its very cute.

'death is different here,' taako hums. 'its… it wasnt like this anywhere else i went. it was cold, or cruel, or empty. i dunno why its different in your world.'

'then i guess we're the lucky ones, huh?' kravitz asks. taako leans up against him and murmurs an agreement. 'its why i love my job so much, why it means so much to me. its not that im some hardass, i just…'

'yea, cha'boy gets it now,' assures taako. 'still.' he looks at the ever-shifting, ever-stable face of death again. 'you better treat my boy kravitz and my lady istus well, capiche? or we will have issues.'

its a deal, taako, the raven queen says, smiling.

when taako opens his eyes, hes in his home in the material plane, and kravitz is next to him, and theyre both smiling.

#this is unedited and also i wrote it at 4am #taako #kravitz #taakitz #the raven queen #taz balance #the adventure zone balance #fanfiction #death tw #trigger warning for death because it is a fic about the goddess of death #and also taako mentions some times that they died before story and song (so they dont count)#m text #fic #text #ask to tag #o shit yea and its lowkey lowkey inspired by gaimans death because i like the idea of a nice death

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theassthatquits · 3 years

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Chapter Four is now out!

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: TAZ Balance (Stolen Century) Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Summary:

Early on in their journey the seven birds landed in a world where there were seven major magical celebrations that are designed to challenge relationships and make them stronger. The crew find themselves thrust into these events - how will their bonds change? Primarily focused on Barry and Lup. If you're reading my fic "In the Margins," this is the cycle that is referenced!

Two days later, Davenport woke up in a strange bed. He heard a frail voice calling out from another room but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. After quickly surveying his surroundings to make sure that he wasn’t in any danger, he carefully got out of the unfamiliar bed, thankful he had worn a shirt and shorts to bed the night before.

“Hello?” He called out timidly. “My name is Davenport, I think I am supposed to spend the day with you?”

“Hicrue? Is that you?” He turned right down the hallway, following the voice and the coughing that preceded it.

He opened a door to see an older woman lying in bed looking very frail. Pictures of cats lined the walls that mirrored the ones lying on her bed. “Well, you’re not my son. I guess you’re here to spend the day with me?”

“I guess so.” Davenport sneezed. Apparently he was allergic to cats.

—-

“Well, well, well, who do we have here?” Taako’s flirtatious voice came out, directed at the gorgeous shirtless man emerging from Davenport’s room. “Has the captain finally treated himself?”

“Captain?” The man sounded confused. “I just woke up here, my name is Hicrue. Where the hell am I?”

Lup pushed past Taako to get to Hicrue, “You are on the Starblaster, a plane-travelling spacecraft. Hi, my name is Lup.” She held her hand out for a handshake and batted her eyes, obviously into this guy’s whole deal.

Immediately upon setting his eyes on her, Hicrue’s face lit up. “Pleasure to meet you, Lup. I guess I’m yours for today.” He shook her hand, “Care to show me around?”

“Absolutely! The first order of business -”

“-finding you a shirt.”

Lup whipped around. “Merle! We don’t complain when you walk around shirtless.”

“Actually -” Merle held up his finger as if he was going to argue but she ignored him.

“Anyway, first order of business: a delicious breakfast cooked by me and my less talented twin Taako. Come hang out with us in the kitchen and we can get to know your whole deal.” Lup lead the way out of the common room with Hicrue and Taako dutifully following.

She didn’t notice Barry standing wordlessly in the darkened hallway from his room watching this interaction, a stomach ache coming on without knowing why.

---

“Can I get you anything else, Margaret?” Davenport handed her the cup of tea he made and she shook her head.

“No thank you, dearie. You have done more than enough. Breakfast was delicious.”

“It was really no trouble, I’ve learned how to make french toast from the best.” He would never admit this in front of the twins. “So, how do your days usually go?”

“Well -” she coughed a couple of times before continuing. “Hicrue normally makes me some tea and toast before going out for the day and I sit here in this rocking chair until he returns. We make some light conversation, maybe play a round of cards, eat some supper, and do the whole thing over again.”

“What do you normally do while he’s gone?”

“Sit here and wait for him to come back.”

Davenport frowned. As a certified workaholic who hadn’t taken a vacation in a decade, he couldn’t imagine not being busy. “Well, what does Hicrue normally do when he’s gone?”

“He has a job at the blacksmith’s in town, he’s the apprentice there. And then after work he usually hangs out with his friends.”

Davenport stood up. “Margaret, today we’re going to make this a day to remember.”

“Oh, but dearie you’re supposed to be following Hicrue’s footsteps. You need to go to the blacksmith’s.”

“I’m sure the blacksmith can handle one day without an apprentice. Today, we’re having some fun.”

All Margaret could do was smile sweetly back at him before going into another coughing fit.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, dearie. Well, not exactly. The doctors say it’s terminal.”

Davenport quieted before saying, “Well, I guess we’re going to have to make this an extra special day, then. Now, what is there to do in this town?”

---

“So you’re telling me that you all are from another plane, running away from a giant vore cloud eating up everything in existence that you refer to as the Hunger and you need to locate a giant bright orb of light or else my entire world as I know it will be lost to this entity?”

Lup looked around the table, waiting for someone else to add something. “Yep, that about sums it up.”

“How fucking wicked is that? And you all have been doing this for years?”

“Yup. You could say we’re humanity’s last hope,” Taako leaned back in his chair, attempting to look suave and nonchalant.

Hicrue’s eyes suddenly lit up and he turned to Lup. “Actually, now that you mention it, I think I saw something of that description fall in the forest right outside town the other day!”

Lup suddenly stood up, knocking the table as she went. “Really? We should leave right away.”

Standing up as well, Hicrue locked eyes with her. “Let’s go, I’m ready to leave right now.”

She took his hand in her own, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Remembering she was on a team, Lup looked around the table. “Anyone else want to come?”

Magnus stood up, also shaking the table and nearly knocking Barry’s orange juice into his lap. “I’ll join you guys!”

“All right! Let’s go!” The three of them bounded out of the room, eager to get their supplies and look for the light.

The room was suddenly quiet and the remaining crew just looked at each other around the table. Finally Lucrecia broke the silence. “That was weird, right?”

“Eh,” Merle said. “It’s Lup.”

*Kshhhh* “Merle, come in. Merle.” *Kshhhh*

Merle made no move to grab his stone of farspeech.

*Kshhhh* “Merle, this is your Captain speaking. Over.” *Kshhhh*

Barry turned to him. “Are you going to get that?”

“Get what?” Barry motioned to his stone. “Oh, is that for me?”

“Well, he is saying ‘Merle’ repeatedly, so yeah, I would say so.”

“Well, look at that, I never get mail.” He picked up his stone. *Kshhh* “This is Merle. Over.” *Kshhh*

*Kshhh* “I need you to meet me in town. Your healing expertise is needed. Over.” *Kshhh*

“Sounds like he isn’t really needed if healing is involved,” Taako muttered under his breath. It was unclear if Merle chose to ignore him or wasn’t paying attention at all.

*Kshhh* “All right, I’ll head out now. Over.” *Kshhh*

Merle turned around to see Barry standing at him, incredulous. “Is the Captain okay?”

“I mean, you heard him.”

“He needs healing magic, he might be in trouble!”

Merle shrugged. “I’ll take care of it.”

Barry looked around the room, searching for any kind of support. “Is no one else thinking this is kind of concerning?”

Lucrecia shrugged. “I think if he was in trouble, he’d say something. But maybe someone should go with Merle.” No one spoke up.

Finally Barry broke the silence. “All right, I guess since I was the one concerned, I’ll go with Merle.”

“Whatever, Jeans Boy.”

Instinctively, Barry responded with, “It’s Bluejeans.” Then, “Fuck, it’s Hallwinter. I’m Sildar Barry Hallwinter.”

“Sounds like someone’s having an identity crisis.”

“Taako -”

“Are we leaving or what?” Barry looked up and Merle, who had been standing next to him mere moments ago, was now completely ready to go. Barry blinked a few times without saying anything and then followed him out of the door and into town.

---

“If the doctors of this world say it’s terminal, I don’t know what else I can do. I haven’t seen something like this before, it might be unique to this plane.”

“Merle, that’s quite an accusation to throw out there. We don’t have nearly enough information to declare this completely unique to -”

“Barry,” Davenport spoke sternly as if to say ‘stop talking.’ Barry obliged.

“You boys speak so strangely. What is this talk of ‘other worlds’?” Margaret inquired.

“That big metal ship out of town? That’s ours.” Merle answered. Kind of.

“What ship?”

“Margaret, do you go outside at all?” Davenport asked.

“Oh, no, I haven’t been outside in quite some time. Hicrue says he doesn’t have the time to take me out.”

Davenport looked around at the other men in the room and they all came to an unspoken understanding. “Margaret, put on your finest dress. We’re going out tonight!”

Her face lit up. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely! Let me clean up this game real fast and we’ll take you to see the ship.”

“And the festival?”

“And the festival!”

Barry helped Davenport clean up the table from where they had been playing a board game when there was a knock at the front door. Barry walked over and opened it and found a young man about the same age as Hicrue. His posture dropped as if disappointed and maybe a little bit of jealousy flared behind his eyes.

“Is Hicrue here?”

“Uh, no, he’s off galavanting with a beautiful young woman.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

The man’s face completely sank. “Oh. Well if you see him will you tell him that Nathan is looking for him?”

“Will do.” Barry was about to shut the door when, seemingly out of his control, he asked, “Are you okay?”

This was enough to break Nathan, apparently.

He started sobbing and Barry took a step back, uncomfortable and surprised.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t believe I’m crying in front of a complete stranger. Oh gods.” Nathan wiped his eyes. “I’m a fucking mess, man. I’m in love with my best friend and I can’t get the fucking guts to tell him. And now he’s off with a beautiful young woman? Not going to lie, this does happen quite frequently. He’s always off with a beautiful young someone.”

Barry now knew even less what he should do. After standing there awkwardly a few moments, he stepped forwards and patted Nathan on his back, visibly uncomfortable. “There, there. On the bright side, she won’t be around for longer than a year.”

That didn’t seem to help, he was crying harder now. Barry sighed. “Look, don’t tell anyone this, but I might have a thing for the girl he’s with.”

Nathan stopped and looked up at him. “Really? So we’re in the same situation?”

“I mean, I think it’s just a minor crush, practically non-existent -”

He stared deep into Barry’s eyes and put his hand on his shoulder. “I feel your pain, man. To see someone you’re desperately in love with -”

“Not in love but okay”

“- run off with a gorgeous person doing gods know what, I understand that feeling.”

Barry quit arguing. He figured there was no use in it. “Nathan, do you want to come hang out with us today?”

---

After a full day of showing the ship to Nathan and Margaret, they all got ready for the big feast at the center of town where they would meet their counterparts and share what they had learned for the day. Nathan and Barry walked up together, the latter wearing their nice jeans to make a good impression (And because Lup had complimented them once). Nathan was talking Barry’s ear off about how incredible Hicrue was when the man himself walked up with Lup, both of them animatedly talking with one another. Barry looked up just in time to see Lup throw her head back in laughter and suddenly he wasn’t so hungry anymore.

“Is that her?” Barry realized he had been staring when Nathan spoke up. “The girl with Hicrue, that’s Lup, right?”

His mouth was dry. “Yup.”

“Gods, she’s gorgeous.”

“Yup.”

“I don’t stand a fucking chance.”

“Yup.”

“A little sympathy would be nice.”

Barry shrugged. “Lup is the most incredible person I know. She’s pretty hard to beat.”

“Well, fuck.”

That made Barry laugh. He slapped him on the back. “Sorry, man. She’s just incredible.”

“Wow, you have it bad, don’t you?”

Barry didn’t answer that. Right at that moment, Hicrue looked up and noticed Nathan and Barry and started waving hello enthusiastically. Lup looked confused until he leaned over and said something to her.

“Well, I guess it’s time to head over there.”

“I guess.”

“Gods speed.” They fist bumped in solidarity and walked over to join them.

“Hey! Nathan! Looks like you met another crew member.” Hicrue slapped Nathan on the back as they approached. “Here’s my Starblaster member, Lup. Who’s yours?”

“I’m Barry. We met earlier.” No recognition passed his face.

“Hi Nathan, nice to meet you!” Lup shook his hand enthusiastically and turned to Hicrue. “Is this the guy who -”

“Fell out of the third story window chasing his shadow as a kid? Yes it is.”

Lup giggled. “Just like that marsupial we saw earlier that did that thing.” And then the two of them proceeded to do a dance, clearly part of an inside joke. Both of the boys felt like outsiders next to their friends.

Nathan and Barry just awkwardly watched them go back and forth for a bit, one inside joke after another before Barry interjected. “Did you guys find the light?”

“Oh, sorry Bear. It’s a no go.”

Hicrue snorted. “Bear. How adorable.”

“Yeah, it’s Lup ’s nickname for me.”

“How sweet, Bear.” Hicrue winked at him, as if knowing he was currently getting under Barry’s skin. He then turned back to Lup, who was oblivious to this interaction.

“Nathan, do you want to find a seat?”

He sighed. “Yeah, Barry, I guess I do.”

Hicrue and Lup didn’t notice them walk away and once they were far enough out of earshot, Barry said, “Your dude’s kind of a dick.”

“He can be, yes.”

“Why are you still entertaining the thought of him? You’re a sweet, smart, sensitive guy. You could get anyone you wanted to. Why Hicrue?”

“He’s really kind and funny. We grew up together and I guess I’ve always sort of been in love with him.”

“You deserve better, Nathan.”

“I don’t want better, Barry.”

There was nothing else to say to that. They sat down, not enjoying themselves for the rest of the night, both of them stealing glances to their crushes across the party.

#taz balance #the stolen century #barry bluejeans #lup #blupjeans #lup taaco

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rewrentless · 5 years

Text

Taz Balance Quotes

I have no idea how long ive been working on this, between 2 and 7 months but finally ive made a list of memorable quotes /quotes that made me chuckle

-Any you driads down to clown

-That was my grandfathers haunch

-Everyone needs a barry bluejeans!

-You shouldnt had your dog jump up my ass! I dont think my dog could fit in an ass! You havent seen this ass

-Eat me barry

-If you were making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you dropped some jelly on the counter are you gonna take a knife and just start cutting at it you dumb son of a bitch??

-she thinks my tractors sexy and i think im no longer welcome here

-hello hello welcome to my caev

-abraca fuck you

-hey you calm the fuck down sir theres no yelling at fantasy Costco!

-its like a bag of holding but for ass

-merle i can see 3/4 to 4/5 of your entire butt

-the railsplitter passes through the tree like a baseball bat passing through a ghost

-youve solved my shrek puzzle

-a witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word i have to attend to their every need and that word is my fucking name jenkins

-infinite bean!!!

-i got a murder wall in my brain!

-time-pon! The time travelling tampon!

-lord steven q fletcher esquire the goldfish the third

-'yeah he really beat me in a test of wits and wagers' and winks at taako over and over just winking

- hey baby i love your tendrils

-i got here a few minutes ago and i can not take my eyes off you i looked at you across the square 60 feet away and i said do not be chopping on this baby

-you and the box both drink poison and you survive but the box has died. With that the box pops open

-does everyone get that i have an elevator fetish at this point?

-griffen we gotta fight some weeds at floor 20!

-my names not jerry its ... jerrieeeeee

-but listen guys now i gotta take a poop, you know like a poop like a real emergent poop

-'your name ... of course ... is... taako. Sike thats just mine say my name!' i cast magic missile

-so youre sayin we eat him

-youre all beautiful butterflake snowflies

-im actually a mongoose meow

-and inside the envelopes there is 200 gold pieces ‘thanks for these shitty jangly envelopes’

-i hand her a coupon for one free backrub

-magnus this is the nightmare scenario

-hot diggity shit that is a baller cookie

-i made you guys chairs for your new digs and if you lift up the cushion it doubles as an indoor toilet

-davenport read the room!

-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm davenport

-i start to very subtly and very easily cry

-last time i was in an elevator vines tried to eat my dick

-the late merle highchurch rolled a 5

-’youre a god!’ I definately am

-youre not stupid youre beautiful

-its kinda ridiculous how many pies we got our toes in

-your mother would swaddle you young taako baby taako and just sing to you oh shit sweet flip oh dip sweet flip my little nugget

-god liiiieed to me

-magnus can kiss my kenny chesney tattoo

-you found her?!

-hey thug whats your name im about to tentacle your dick?

-if travis cant move his legs then i shall create his legs!

-im just an elevator climb on in ma belly!

-press ma buttons from inside a me

-if you wanted to lure me in there you shoulda stayed handsome ma fella

-'i tap it with the gluttons fork and i swallow it' 'what the f uck'

-ive got to switch between different accents to trick my prey

-when that day comes little man oh when that day comes i will summon whatever powers i still have at my disposal that you have not sipphoned away from me and i will take all of my canny and all of my cunning and all arcanas still within my reach and i will use it to strike you down little man

-dungeons and dragons and daddies

-fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts fantasy shorts!

-i cast zone of truth!

-junebug

-this chair smells like grandmas

-this scene is memorable to you now but in the moment you werent thinking im going to remember everything about this moment

-inifate bag of boys

-if it had flesh then it would be a bag of skin full of fucking goo

-"how do you not have a six it comes with every board game?" "My daughter..." "eats them for power??"

-because in wonderland... there is no healing (shit eating grin)

-liches get stitches

-son of a lich

-you built the fucking door out of wood shit wood

-bad luck

-ill be having my body back you undead fuck

-sturdy. denim. and blue

-i have updated my list of people i trust and things i believe to no one and nothing

-those are the arms that have held my wife

-i cant fight i cant protect i cant do anything in this body

- i saw seven birds

-the twins, the lover, the protecter, the lonely journal keeper, the peacemaker and the wordless one

-i dont know but i feel like i trust you

-dont let them erase me magnus

-how could you forget lup

-nerd alert!

-greg grimaldis you owe me $15 and i aim to collect

-i have to believe that im gonna get those $15 back from greg fucking grimaldis

-the one thing we do have is the thing that people in love rarely ever have enough of and its time

-I dont know about in love its only been... 21 years

-are you my friend?

-what brings me joy is... life. I think you can find joy anywhere in life i thibk its a concious choice i think you choose joy in life and no matter how bad things are no matter how crummy no matter how dark no matter how many times some guy named john kills your ass you find joy. I’ve found joy, honest to God, getting to know you. I’ve found joy playing chess with you. I have enjoyed - i haven’ t enjoyed you know, getting my ass killed, but i find joy in whatever I do. I don’t always do things right, and I don’t always do things smart, and I don’t always do a character voice, but whatever i do, i find joy in it. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you got. It’s looking back on the joy you had, and the joy you found, and the joy you gave other people

-soon you will call us ascendent

-kiss my ass you sanctimonious bastard

-huh. I feel sad

-its not perfect but its the best i can do

-our capacity for love increases with each person we cross paths with throughout our lives and with each moment we spend with those people but too often we neglect that part of ourselves in favour of others and by the time we realize just how importnat it is we find ourselves with fewer folks around to practice with but the seven of you have something that nobody else ever had time all the time in the world time enough to grow indescribely close time enough to learn how to care for each other how to allow yourselves to be caref for and in the case of barry and lup time enough to fall deeply and truely in love

-there was romance in every measure and longing in every note

-have we not earned a little wrath?

-i made it

-you are my heart you know that right?

-sometimes there arent right decisions sometimes theres just decisions

-when someone leaves your life those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying others are abrupt and unfair but most are just unremarkable, unintentional clumsy

-back soon

-who?

-taako kill me

-you fucking took everything from me

-understand this, i have nothing and i don’t give a shit. The world is ending and i don’t care

-phantasmal and resplendent

-youre dating the grim reaper?!

-ill take one taco with extra destiny

-i tell the trees when to shed their leaves and i make every piece of fruit taste the way that it tastes and i taught every blade of grass in the ground where to grow did you really think i had forgotten about you?

-im not your pan but you will always be my merle

-i run over and im already kissing him this is ridiculous

-I want to warm up my face i dont want it to be cold and weird

-whats up ghostrider

-i met god no big deal

-lets save the world and 420 blaze it

-hear that babe? We’re legends

-youre going to have to fight and… youre gonna win!

-you hear it now too dont you? The song is now yours, just as the story has always been yours and with this final piece your understanding of these impossible events is complete. Like i said before, youre ready now, darkness surrounds you but be not afraid, after all youre going to win, we know that much but that is the limit of my knowledge. Youre all caught up now, whatever happens next, well, we’ll just have to find out together

-you boys know the best of the fantasy costo? Free samples

-we won

-youre going to be amazing

-it takes time as all difficult and important things do, for the world to recover from what was done to it that day. But it does recover, and not just that, it thrives.

-im about to smooch your fucking brains out babe

-one small criticism, i think you may have forgotten to make it taste good

-‘youre kinda full of dog shit sometimes’ thats what it was i forgot i did include dog shit

-i should mention my boyfriend is death

-if you will all excuse me i have… to shit

-i tried to make you proud

-we see you one last time as magnus rushes in

-even happier days were to come, because that was the world that you made, that was the ending you earned

#taz #taz balance #taz quotes #taako taaco #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #lup taaco #barry bluejeans #lucretia #davenport

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taztaas · 6 years

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32 with Ango and Taako

Angst/Fluff Prompt List #532. “I need to know if you’re okay or not.”

Sorry this isn’t fluff exactly… Hope you still like it!!

Angus paused in his packing for a moment and looked through the small porthole window of his room on the moonbase. The weather was overcast so there wasn’t much to see, all of Faerun below covered by clouds, white and varying shades of gray. It looked like nothing, like the cloud-covered sky was all there was. Empty, like there was nothing below and for Angus… there wasn’t.

He didn’t have anywhere to go.

Angus sniffled, his nose still a bit stuffy, but he wasn’t going to cry again. It wouldn’t help any and he wasn’t a baby! He was eleven years old and he knew how to iron his own shirt collars and polish his shoes and how to fold fitted sheets and everything. It was fine, he would be fine!

But he had thought…

Angus clutched the shirt forgotten in his hands, wrinkling it.

He had hoped.

He carefully set the shirt in his suitcase. Unnecessary, since it was already rumpled. Angus stared down at it for a moment, swallowed down a lump in his throat. He rubbed his nose and grabbed a pair of pants from his bed, already folded. He shook them out and started re-folding them. He was stalling and he knew it.

Even now, when it was finally time to leave, now that almost everyone else had left, he was hoping that someone would come. That someone would remember him. A vain hope, a foolish wish, and he knew it. People had been leaving the moonbase for a week already. Someone would have already come if they were going to.

Still, Angus had hung around until the last possible moment, waiting, but now he had to leave. He was alone but he would be fine, surely. He had been fine before! He could do it again.

It was harder now, though. The thought of being alone. After all the goofs and the magic lessons and the Candlenights presents and-

Someone knocked on his door.

Angus dropped the of pair socks he was holding but he didn’t have time to do anything else before Taako stormed into the room, all decked out for travel in knee-high heeled boots, simple pants, a flowy top and a fashionable capelet. His hair was braided, as usual, and his favorite wizard hat sat upon his head. He looked ready to go.

“‘sup, boychik?”

Angus didn’t answer, caught by surprise by both Taako’s unexpected appearance and the fact that the wizard had actually bothered to knock before coming in. Not that he had waited for permission to enter but still. Every other time Taako had just walked right into his room.

“Oh! Um, I’m packing my things, sir,” Angus said, twisting the hem of his shirt in his hands. Why was Taako here? Something small and warm fluttered in his chest. Maybe he was here to pick him up?

“Still?” Taako scoffed, flipping his braid. “How much shit do you even have? I’ve seen you wear like, three different shirts.”

He dropped on Angus’ bed and started going through the folded clothes on the bedspread, shaking his head at most of them before carelessly chucking them in the open suitcase.

“Guess ch’boy’s gotta help you out. Else you’ll still be here next month.”

“Oh,” Angus said, trying not to sound disappointed as the warmth in his chest flickered out. Taako was here to just help him pack. To get rid of him sooner. “Thank you, sir.”

Taako said nothing, opting to keep throwing Angus’ things haphazardly into the suitcase. Angus quickly went to gather his books before Taako had time to manhandle those too. He reached for the pile on his desk but paused as he saw the same Caleb Cleveland book he had gifted on Candlenights resting on top of the stack. He brushed his fingers over the cover but was startled out of his reverie by a droplet of something falling on the cover. Water? But how-

Oh.

Oh. He was crying again. Even though he had decided not to. He checked to see if Taako was looking and found the elf facing the other way so he quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. No need to cause a scene, McDonald.

“We done here, kiddo?”

Angus nodded, keeping his eyes on the books as he brought them over to the suitcase and placed them in before closing the lid. He blinked rapidly, trying to keep more tears from falling because Taako didn’t need to see that. Angus knew how uncomfortable the elf was with emotional situations and he didn’t want to leave on a bad note.

He was just about to reach for the handle of the bag when Taako’s hand shot out and grabbed it first. The wizard went to lift the bag off the bed but gave up almost immediately.

“Oof!” He huffed and let the bag drop back onto the bed as if it was extremely heavy. Angus knew it wasn’t though, he had carried his stuff here himself when he moved up to the base and he really hadn’t accumulated much stuff during his stay. He followed Taako’s theatrics, tears momentarily forgotten. Luckily, the elf wasn’t making eye contact so he didn’t notice.

“Actually, fuck this,” Taako said, frowning at his fingers as if they were hurting. “These beautiful hands weren’t meant for physical labor.”

Angus cleared his throat, hoping that his voice would sound normal. “It’s alright sir, I can- I can carry the bag myself.”

“Yeah, no.” Taako snorted. “There’s no way you’re carrying that all the way to the house, squirt.” He reached into his pocket and took out his Stone of Farspeech. “Lemme just call Kravitz, he might as well give us a ride home.”

“What?” Angus whispered and finally, Taako looked at him properly, for the first time since he entered the room. Angus wasn’t sure what his face looked like, but judging by the way Taako paled and froze on the spot with his Stone halfway raised up to his mouth, it couldn’t have been too good. Taako recovered after a couple of seconds and looked away, his eyes everywhere except on the boy in front of him.

“I mean, if you don’t want to- to come and live at my house that’s cool,” Taako said quickly, wringing his hands and fiddling with the Stone. “You’re missing a great opportunity tho, I mean, living with Taako from TV? That’s- that’s not something everyone-”

Angus stared, eyes wide as Taako descended into nervous babbling. Was this really happening? Maybe he had misunderstood? But Taako had said-

Angus’ lip started to quiver. He stared at the wildly gesturing elf in front of him, who was still adamantly avoiding looking in Angus’ direction as he talked.

Taako had said he’d take him home.

The dam broke.

Angus’ face scrunched up and he wailed, unable to help it. He saw Taako startle violently, and he met the elf’s wide eyes before he hid his face with his hands and sobbed.

“Shit! You okay kid?!”

Angus cried. He knew he was overreacting but he had been waiting all week, hoping that someone would at least remember to say goodbye to him and now Taako, his magic teacher, was here and was offering him a place to stay? It was better than what he could have imagined.

“Ango? Hey, Angus? Fuck! What do I do, what do I do…”

Angus could hear Taako pacing around in the room but he was too overwhelmed to respond. He gasped for breath and wiped his eyes until he felt a weight on his shoulder.

He raised his face and saw Taako, kneeling in front of him with his hand on Angus’ shoulder.

“Angus, hey,” he said unsurely, leaning closer. “You hear me? Are you okay?”

Angus nodded, wiping his runny nose. Taako squeezed his shoulder.

“Okay, yeah, that’s good, uh- you uh,” Taako stumbled to find words. He looked away briefly, biting his lip before meeting Angus’ eyes again. “Do you- fuck, I should’ve asked first, what a fucking idiot, do you wanna come with me? To my house? Or, well, I mean, Kravitz might be around too so it’s not strictly mine but uh-”

“Yes, please,” Angus croaked out, cutting off Taako’s tirade. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. The warmth and pressure of Taako’s hand helped.

Taako searched his eyes. “You sure?” He said quietly, grabbing Angus’ hand.

“Yes,” Angus said and felt that flutter in his chest again, warmer and more powerful, growing steady and settling into a comforting hum.

“Okay,” Taako sighed, almost deflating a bit, the tension in his shoulders melting away. “Okay. Lemme make that call, yeah?”

Angus nodded again. Taako gave him a shaky smile, obviously uncomfortable but he was trying. Angus smiled back, brushing the wetness off his cheeks.

Taako got back onto his feet and grabbed his Stone again. But to Angus’ delight, he didn’t let go of his hand.

#maemi324 #Taaswrites #taako #The Adventure Zone #taz #angus mcdonald #also known as SIKE MUKSU SÄ MUUTAT MEILLE

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here-there-be-nerds · 6 years

Text

Single Dad Taako 10

( 0 ) ( 1 ) ( 1.5 ) ( 2 ) ( 3 ) ( 4 ) ( 5 ) ( 6 ) ( 7 ) ( 8 ) ( 9 ) ( 10 ) ( 11 )

_________________________________________________________

Everything had to be /perfect/. Anything short of that was going straight in the trash and the can was starting to get full.

Okay, so Taako burnt a few things, he was nervous; he made mistakes when he was nervous. He knew that, it only made him more nervous. Tonight was it, the big night.

It was the night Kravitz and Angus were going to meet for the first time and everything had to be /perfect/ or Taako would have a meltdown. He might just have one for the hell of it at this point.

He had finally come up with a course that both of his boys would enjoy and neither would think there was favoritism going on. Taako had burnt through three sides and one entrée already. It was a good thing he over shopped.

Angus was in his room while Taako was having this cooking break down; the boy was banished there till Taako could handle himself better. He didn't want to end up screaming in front of Angus and Taako may have enchanted Angus' door so he couldn't hear him.

Taako finally finished setting the dining table with a /perfectly/ cooked meal, it was something like Fantasy Thanksgiving, a little of everything that his boys both liked. Taako had Lup bake the chocolate cake for desert so he would have one less thing to do and naturally it was over the top. Damn he loved her.

It was fifteen more minutes before Kravitz should get there, so it gave Taako some time to seal off the kitchen and the disaster held within that he would deal with later. And it gave him a second to check his appearance for the millionth time and do any needed touch ups or fix his hair.

The familiar sound of crinkling of time and space ripping apart behind Taako alerted him that a rift opened in the entry way just behind him.

"You look stunning." Kravitz said to Taako's reflection in the mirror as he smiled in greeting.

Taako spun around excited, his nerves easing at the sight of Kravitz and replaced with giddiness. A common occurrence that seemed to be cropping up more often than not. Taako threw his arms around Kravitz's neck to pull him into a quick kiss.

"Babe, you're early." Taako said, hardly mad especially when Kravitz pressed another kiss to his glossed lips. Taako was /melting/.

"Couldn't help it." Kravitz admitted sheepishly. "I'm a little nervous; I haven't been around a child in quite some time."

"You'll love him; he's the best kid on the plane." Taako assured, but was comforted to know he wasn't the only one that was nervous.

Taako dropped the spell on Angus' door as he dragged Kravitz to the living room.

"Your home is impeccable; I expected nothing less for you." Kravitz said after briefly looking around.

Taako blushed lightly and playfully gave Kravitz a small push.

"You already have me, you don't gotta butter me up." Taako laughed.

"I'm being honest." Kravitz assured, taking Taako's hand and pulling him close. "It’s nearly as beautiful as you."

Taako giggled, it was horribly cheesy but damn if he didn't love the way Kravitz would stroke his ego.

"Taako? I heard voices, is he here-" Angus cut off as he wandered in the living room and locked eyes with Kravitz.

There was a sudden tension in the air as Kravitz and Angus stared at each other with these looks of shock that Taako couldn't possibly fathom. Taako got out of Kravitz's arms to keep the awkward to a minimum but the man hardly noticed and it was really starting to creep Taako out how they were just standing there...staring.

"You!/?" Both Kravitz and Angus accused or demanded and Taako was officially confused as he looked between them.

"You're his son?" Kravitz asked in disbelief, what were the odds?

"He's been dating /you/?" Angus accused and he didn't seem happy about it.

"Uh..." Taako tried to ask but was talked over at once.

"I can't believe this."

"You can't possibly be the one."

Taako looked back at forth as the two started arguing and throwing some weird accusations at each other, getting into each other's faces as much as a grown man and little boy could.

Taako deftly left the living room, grabbed a glass and poured himself a glass of wine and returned, sitting on the couch just as Kravitz said something along the lines: I thought you were dead.

Taako snapped his fingers with a little magical assistance to up the drama and volume, gathering their attention just after Angus climbed up the arm chair to actually get in Kravitz's face.

They both looked at Taako, rightfully ashamed and embarrassed. Taako stared at them in deadpan as he sipped his wine.

"Okay. So explain." Taako said.

"Um..." They said together, exchanging looks.

"It's a little confusing/ it was a few years ago/ you didn't say your son was/ that your boyfriend was the Grim Reaper!"

"Stop! Stop it." Taako demanded waving his hand and sighing as he rubbed his temple. "Okay...one at a time."

Angus took the chance before Kravitz could.

"We met before." Angus explained.

"It was before I met you." Kravitz added.

"Before we met either." Angus said. "It was six months or something like that before the train."

"So..." Taako said, swirling the wine in his glass. "You know each other."

Taako didn't know what to do with this, somehow, this was worse than a first meeting.

"Why?" Taako asked. Why would his baby boy know his Reaper boyfriend?

"I'm a detective." Angus said, a pretty standard go to for him.

"He got mixed up in some cases he /shouldn't/ have been anywhere near." Kravitz said, looking disapproving at Angus.

"I can take care of myself!" Angus defended.

"Say that to all the times I had to save you." Kravitz said starting to slip into that shitty work accent.

"Stop!" Taako snapped, setting down his glass, what kind of nonsense had he found himself in?

"But!" They both protested but fell silent when Taako squared them with a sharp look.

"Angus. Come here." Taako patted the couch next to him and Angus didn't hesitate to come to his father’s call. Taako gently took Angus' face in his hands and looked him in the eyes. "What the fuck?"

"I…look, I took the cases I could! Sometimes it was...a little dangerous, but..." Angus started to grumble as he avoided Taako's gaze. "I had to eat."

Taako pulled Angus into his chest, kissing the top of his head. He understood; they talked it all out before. But Angus never mentioned taking on something so bad a Reaper of the Raven Queen had been involved.

Taako looked over at Kravitz and he looked completely uncomfortable and wasn't looking directly at them. Like he was invading their moment.

"Okay, okay." Taako said, still holding on to Angus. "So you two met before, okay, so hey, makes it easier."

Kravitz didn't look so sure but he nodded anyway.

"Ango, you good?" Taako asked.

"Yes, I'm okay." Angus said as he pulled away from Taako and looked warily at Kravitz.

"Krav, you good?" Taako asked.

"Yes, darling." Kravitz said but he looked tense, so did Angus.

Yes, this was somehow so much worse than Taako feared.

Dinner wasn't any better, it was delicious natch, every dish cooked to perfection, the flavors were unparalleled. But the atmosphere turned it all to ash in Taako's mouth. He glanced on his either side to catch Kravitz or Angus giving each other these looks Taako didn't understand.

Taako might have been on his second bottle of wine by the time he cleared dinner away and brought out the cake, already sliced and served on plates.

"Oh! Aunt Lup make cake?" Angus asked in excited interest.

"I could have made it." Taako scoffed offended.

"Did you?" Angus tilted his head.

"...no." Taako mumbled.

Kravitz stifled a chuckle and Taako stuck his tongue out at him.

"Aunt Lup marbles her cake batter to look like flames." Angus said as he stuck a forkful of cake into his mouth in delight.

"Sounds like my sister." Taako mumbled, looking over at Kravitz. "You haven't met her already too, right?" He teased but even he knew it wasn't all that funny.

"Can't say that I have, love, as I wasn't aware you had one." Kravitz said taking Taako's hand, rubbing gently circles into the back of Taako's hand, his eyes filled with love and sympathy.

Angus watched the exchange carefully, gathering every detail.

"Right...guess I haven't..." Taako said sheepishly, but Angus hadn't been surprised, he didn't know about her until months after doing magic lessons with Taako and only because she came over unannounced.

"You'd know if you had." Angus supplied, but the adults were too busy looking into each other's eyes like in those romance novels Angus would accidentally pick up.

The tension that had been in Taako's shoulders all night started to ebb away and the smile on his face began to soften. He seemed delighted when Kravitz kissed his knuckles, Taako's ears twitching and everything.

Angus concluded something extremely important: Kravitz made Taako very happy. Happier than Angus had ever seen him. Kravitz had to stick around, it was important.

So he decided to forgive and forget about what happened between him and the Reaper. That was a long time ago anyway, Angus knew they both loved Taako and that would have to be enough to learn to get along.

After everything Taako had done for Angus, putting some arguments aside was nothing. He wanted to make Taako's life easier not harder; he didn't want to be in the way of something that could shift Taako's mood like that.

Besides, Kravitz seemed different here than he did on their cases. He seemed so soft around Taako while he had once been quite a terrifying force when fighting against liches.

After desert, they moved into the living room, Kravitz and Taako on the love seat and Angus took the arm chair.

"Krav, babe, Krav." Taako giggled as he attempted to whisper to the Reaper but Angus could clearly hear. "I think I'm a little drunk."

"Yes...a little." Kravitz said patting Taako's thigh as the elf slumped against him. "Taako...maybe we should call it a night?"

"Noo, still awkward, gotta make nice." Taako whined as he clung to Kravitz's arm.

"Oh dear." Kravitz mumbled, looking at Angus. "I'm so sorry I caused this tension."

"What?" Angus perked up confused.

"I know...back then, it might have seemed like I thought...I may have treated you poorly. I want to apologize and say...I was only worried for your safety, little detective...Angus." Kravitz said. "I didn't want you to get hurt. In my line of work, life is precious and short to all creatures and you just started. I didn't want that to get cut short."

Angus gripped the arms of the chair, straining the fabric under his fingers. He hadn't expected this, was the Reaper just saying that because of Taako? No, Angus' perception was high and he could tell Kravitz was telling the truth.

"Thank you..." Angus said honestly, relaxing. "I'm sorry I was rude...and that I yelled before, that wasn't nice."

"Thank you." Kravitz smiled softly and Angus decided, yea, this Kravitz, off duty Kravitz, was a lot better.

"Aww~" Taako cooed. "Even if you two were just doing that for me I'm loving it~!"

"Ah ha," Kravitz laughed nervously, patting Taako's arm. "I think now it's definitely time to call it a night."

"Alright~" Taako agreed, allowing Kravitz to help him up to his feet.

Taako leaned against Kravitz for support, leaning up to whisper something into Kravitz's ear. Going by the grin on the elf's face and the sudden blush on Kravitz's face was anything to go by; Angus would have to say it was something inappropriate.

"Love please!" Kravitz quietly chided. "We c-can't! Not tonight, okay?"

Taako pouted a little but still mildly pleased at the reaper's reaction.

"Aww, I can sound proof the room if that's what you're worried about." Taako said grinning.

Kravitz floundered for something to say if he had any idea would he could possibly say in response. His physical appearance started going taut until it went completely skeletal.

Angus had remembered seeing Kravitz like this when they first meet as he attacked those necromancers they encountered but it was still startling to see the change now in the middle of their living room as his father hung off the Reaper's arm grinning. Taako seemed pleased as could be at this reaction which Angus couldn't fathom.

"Sexy~" Taako purred.

"I! I'm going to get Taako to bed; it was nice meeting you properly Angus. I hope we can do this again soon." Kravitz said quickly and started guiding the tipsy elf down the hall to his bedroom.

"Hell yea~" Taako said with a tone of victory that Kravitz shushed as Taako indicated which bedroom was his.

"No, darling, we can't...please behave." Kravitz said trying to be quiet as he took Taako into his room and shut it behind them.

Angus stayed in his chair as he pondered things over. This night sure had gone so different than he expected, there had been so much he had prepared for and this hadn't been anywhere close to the things he thought might come up. He had to admit...it went better than he had hoped or at least it ended that way. He still wanted to get to know Kravitz better of course, but he made Taako so happy so easily. Angus wanted that for his father he deserved to be that happy.

Angus got up and padded down the hall quietly, he could still hear Taako and Kravitz talking in Taako's room.

"Love please just let me...please stop that." Kravitz said exasperated.

Taako giggled and there were sounds of the covers shifting.

"Hey babe?" Taako asked.

"Yes Taako?" Kravitz asked.

"Do you think tonight went okay?" Taako asked concerned.

"I...think it did. It was pretty tense but I hope things go smoother next time." Kravitz said softly as the covers moved again.

"Next time~? So there's gonna be a next time?" Taako asked pleased.

"Yes, if you'd like. I'd like to get to actually know the little detective. I mean, Angus." Kravitz corrected. "So I would enjoy a next time."

"Next time...yea, me too." Taako yawned. There was a quiet moment before Taako whined. "Do you gotta go?"

"Yes, it isn't appropriate...you know how we can get." Kravitz said playfully.

"Oh I do~ It's why you should stay." Taako said.

"No, some other time." Kravitz said and there was another quiet moment.

Angus decided that was enough eavesdropping and quickly went into his room. He didn't know if Kravitz was going to come back out anytime soon but he didn't want to get caught.

It really had been an interesting night and Angus had a lot to think about. He laid on his bed and stared up at his ceiling. Things were going to be so different from now on, that's for sure.

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teruthecreator · 6 years

Text

Who She Wants to Be

ummmmmm, so this was supposed to be a short lil’ thing based on @tazdelightful‘s blupjeans baby that i’ve had many a thought about because i needed a reason to start writing again

buuuuuuut then i made it 11 pages long and oops! pobody’s nerfect i guess!! (theres a brief mention of drugs/drug use, but its pot and its also like literally two lines but just thought id mention)

She was born in a ring of fire. Ravens croaked and cawed, perched diligently all around the Raven Queen’s chamber, watching with beady eyes as she was birthed. Blessed by two powerful goddesses upon birth, she opened her eyes to a shadowy room and the teary-eyed faces of her mother and father. Her mother gasped at the sight, while her father could barely contain the tears that were flowing in streams down his face. A dark mass, looming past those faces, seemed to radiate a loving warmth from its being as it addressed the two:

“She is beautiful,” Her parents nodded in response, too overwhelmed to produce a verbal response.

“She’s our beautiful Marlena,” her father whispered hoarsely, and then a strange mass passed over her line of sight as he moved to cup her face.

She was born in a ring of fire, in the presence of two powerful goddesses, in the realm of the Raven Queen.

And all Marlena Bluejeans could do, in that exact moment following her birth, was scream as loud as humanly possible.

---

At age four and a half (the half was extremely important), Marlena decided she only wanted to wear polka dotted corduroy pants, and only polka dotted corduroy pants.

“Lena, sweetie, please come back!” Her father could be heard shouting down the hall as Marlena races to the steps, giggling all the while. She reaches the stairs and clumsily bounds down them to the first floor, her father’s worried voice echoing through the large home. On the first floor, she makes a mad dash to the kitchen, where her mother was making lunch.

Upon arrival, Marlena immediately ducks behind her mother’s legs, still giggling like a madwoman. Her mother pauses her vicious stirring of something to peer at her runt of a daughter, a mischievous smile tugging on the corners of her lips.

“What’s goin’ on, lil’ stinker?” she asks, just as her husband rounds the corner and skids to halt. Marlena giggles even more as her father takes two steps into the kitchen, then leans over the island counter to desperately catch his breath. Not even her mother can hold in her laughter, as she lets out a snort and asks, “You good, Bear?”

He nods his head into the counter, taking a couple deep breaths before lifting his body off of the counter and presenting the lilac purple t-shirt he’s been clutching in his hands.

“Shirt. Please. Wear.” He pants, which prompts his wife to finally get a proper look at her daughter. And, just as her husband implied, she was most certainly not wearing a shirt. Her favorite pair of purple-and-pink polka dotted corduroy pants, yes, but definitely not a shirt.

Marlena giggles some more as her mother shakes her head.

“We’re not goin’ out anywhere, babe, just let her wear the pants.” She says, taking the few steps to reach her husband and kiss him on the cheek. “Let her be rogue for the short time she can be.”

“B-But, honey, she needs a shirt--”

“And you need a new pair of work pants because, if last I checked, somebody ‘accidentally’ burned a hole in his old pair. But you don’t see me dragging your ass out to the store any time soon, huh?” Her husband considers this, face tinted with an embarrassed blush, before conceding.

“Alright, alright,” he says, causing both mother and daughter to cheer. He smiles and shakes his head, scooping up Marlena and pointing a playfully-strict finger at her. “But when we go to dinner with Uncle Taako and Uncle Kravitz tomorrow, you are wearing a shirt.”

Marlena giggles and nods her head, though she knows well enough that her father will give up again; just like he’s done countless times before.

---

At age eight, Marlena learns Magic Missile. Which is, admittedly, pretty great; figuring no one taught her Magic Missile. But it’s also pretty bad because that means no one is expecting her to know Magic Missile, which makes them finding out even more of a catastrophe.

“Pshaw, psh psh pew! Take that!” Marlena cries out from the living room of her uncles’ apartment, playing pretend-magic with her Uncle Taako’s Krebstar. She bounds over the plush couch and does a tuck-and-roll as she avoids shots from her invisible assailants.

Nearly ten feet away, in the kitchen, her Uncle Kravitz worries.

“Love, is it really safe for her to be playing with your magical focus?” he says, chopping a head of iceberg lettuce with practiced ease. “What if she gets hurt?”

Taako pushaws at his husband’s remark, cracking some black pepper into the sauce he’s been working on. “The most that kid can do with that thing is let off a few sparks. And if it keeps her busy, then fine by me. I only have so much energy to keep up with a direct spawn of Lup’s energy and cook a baller dinner at the same time.” Kravitz chuckles under his breath, careful to keep his knowledge of Taako’s legitimate love and adoration of his niece to himself. He knows for a fact that that girl could ask for anything in the entire multiverse, and Taako would find a way to give her it and then some.

“As long as you’re certain--” Kravitz’s sentence is cut off by a loud exclamation of “ABRA-KA-FLIP-YOU!” before an even louder boom startles the pair. Taako’s already five feet ahead of Kravitz before he can even turn and notice the charred remains of a few priceless paintings on the wall of their living room, as well as the hole burned clean through the wall itself.

And, standing a couple of steps away from the wreckage, is the culprit; Marlena, looking both triumphant and terrified, clutching the Krebstar in a battle stance.

Both adults gape at the scene before them, unable to parse what exactly happened, when Marlena drops the Krebstar and takes a giant step backward.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry,” she says as tears begin to build in her eyes. Before they have the chance to fall, though, her uncle lets out a wheeze of laughter.

“Holy shit this is fucking incredible,” Taako wheezes out as he waves a hand over the wreckage, mending the wall and extinguishing the flames in a matter of seconds. “Bubbeleh, you do not need to apologize for some sick-ass casting.” This seems to both confuse Marlena and alarm Kravitz.

“Taako, she just burned a hole through our wall.” Kravitz says, taking a step toward his husband. “Th-This is an obvious sign of that unkempt magical energy Barry kept saying he was detecting on her as an infant. We need to do something about that.” Taako looks back to his husband and rolls his eyes, walking the short distance to his forgotten focus and hefting it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, what we’re gonna do is invest in some targets and get this girl her own wand.” he says as he ruffles Marlena’s hair. “Ch’girl got some crazy skills already and we haven’t even taught her anything.” He looks down to address his niece with a lazy grin. “But starting tomorrow we’re gonna be holding Magic Day at your momma’s house.”

Marlena’s eyes light up, and she lets out a gleeful noise as she hugs her uncle. Taako instinctively hoists her up into his free arm to hug her properly, and Kravitz sighs fondly at the two. Before Taako can notice, though, Kravitz makes his way back to the kitchen; where a forgotten dinner needs to be finished, and a Stone of Farspeech awaits a call to his coworkers.

---

At age twelve, Marlena sits her parents down for a talk.

“You want to do what now?” Her mother asks skeptically, setting her morning cup of coffee on the table.

“I want to stay with traditional schooling.” Marlena repeats, her tone serious and unflinching even as both her parents eye her with concern and bafflement.

“But, sweetie, just last week you were complaining about those boys who keep asking you about your mother! Wouldn’t homeschooling fix that?” Her father says, hands folded in the way he does when he’s too nervous to figure out what to do with them.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t bother me enough to make me want to leave all my friends!” Marlena says.

“But it’s not like they’re giving you any new information.” Her mother adds with an accusing jab of her finger. “I’ve seen you sneaking around with Ango’s college textbooks; I know you know more than what you’re letting on! And we’re already teaching you magic, so what’s the big deal about us teaching you everything else?”

“You would learn at your own pace, and at your own leisure,” her father continues. “And just because it’s called ‘homeschooling’ doesn’t mean we’re going to force you to stay here. The rest of the family are all on-board with taking you in for weeks at a time to teach you their own tricks of the trade. Uncle Taako’s already called dibs on you for the next month!”

“You could graduate in, like, a year; just like your cousin! Doesn’t that sound great?” Her mother finishes with an enthusiastic grin, much like the one her father is also sporting. All the joy they seem to have about this idea is cut short when Marlena slams her hand down on the table.

“No!” She exclaims, her half-elf ears twitching slightly in frustration. “Because what you don’t get is that I don’t want to graduate in a year!” This causes her parents to both freeze, glancing nervously back at one another to see what the other might say. But Marlena gives them no time to say anything when she stands up and gestures angrily at nothing.

“Look, I get it. You guys both want what’s best for me, you love me, yadda yadda. But I’m not like my cousin. I don’t have a family I’m desperately trying to avoid because of personal reasons, and I don’t have a career I’m desperately trying to pursue. I’m just a kid who wants to do kid things like play kickball in Gym and write essays on topics I think are boring! You just don’t understand that I hide my knowledge from you guys because I want you to keep me in school!”

“It’s hard being me! Every other week I’m getting kidnapped by necromancers looking to use me; if I sneeze too hard sometimes I let out a bolt of lightning because I still don’t have full control of my magic; and people publish articles about me if I decide to wear the same jacket two days in a row! I just wanna be like every other middle schooler and go to school! And play soccer with friends after class! And eat Cheese Wiz straight from the can on a dare, even though I know it’ll make me puke! I just. Want. A normal life.”

She’s panting by the time she finishes, and there are angry tears building in the corners of her eyes. But she’s said what she had to say, and so she plops back down in her chair and holds her breath for a response.

“We…” Her mother mutters, eyes still wide and mouth slightly agape. “I…”

“Aw, beans,” her father says as he leans over to hug his daughter. “Lena, we didn’t know.”

“Well, we did--we did know all that other stuff--about the kidnapping and the jacket thing--but uh, we didn’t, uh. We didn’t realize how you felt.” Her mother fumbles for the right words, standing to also hug her daughter. “We’re sorry we hurt you, Len-Len…”

“You didn’t--” Marlena sniffles. “You didn’t hurt me. I just...I didn’t tell you. It’s my fault…” Her father shakes his head and reaches around to pet her hair.

“No blame game, missy. If anyone is at fault for this, it’s us,” he says sternly. “We’re your parents, and we should know when our daughter’s upset.” His wife nods as she wedges herself into the hug.

“Yeah, he’s right.” she adds with a reassuring squeeze of Marlena’s hand. “So the next time you feel something this strongly, you come and tell us. Because we’re still, uh, sorta new at this; and we don’t always catch when something’s bothering you.”

“Y-You’re not mad, though?” Marlena asks, squished between her parents in an awkward tangle of bodies and limbs. Her mother guffaws.

“Mad? Bullshit! I would’ve felt worse if we had gone through in pulling you out of school!” She pulls away from the hug to look her daughter in the eye. “Sweetie, we love you. We want what you want.”

“Unless that ‘want’ involves drugs, alcohol, crime, necromancy, et cetra.” Her husband adds.

“Yeah, except that. But if it’s something like school,” she rolls her eyes. “Go buck wild, sweetcheeks. Go play soccer out back. Play pranks on the shitty subs. Eat a bug. We just want you to be happy.” Both of Marlena’s parents lean in to kiss her on the forehead, causing Marlena to gag and push them away with a laugh. The three of them share in this moment for a while before the morning settles into its usual routine.

About an hour after the fact, Marlena clears her throat to catch the attention of her parents.

“Uh, I know we just got done with the whole ‘I wanna stay in school’ thing. But uh, if Uncle Taako still has the offer open…” She trails off, looking nervously around the room. Her mother laughs and pulls out her Stone of Farspeech.

“I’m sure he can re-clear his schedule.”

---

At sixteen, Marlena gets caught redhanded at the Spring Formal.

“It’s not what you think!” Marlena quickly exclaims, even though it is exactly what it seems. If this was her mother, it would all be over. Guns ablazing; fury absolute; no survivors. If it were her father, then it would be weird. A lot of awkward coughs, little to no eye contact, and a very stiff conversation to follow at home.

But, somehow, Marlena got the worst out of any of these options; her Uncle Merle.

“Uh-huh, suuuuure,” he says, surveying the scene before him. “It sure doesn’t look like ya were just mackin’ on this young lady, riiight.” He turns his attention to the nervous girl standing beside Marlena. “And what’s yer name, hun?”

“U-Uhhhh,” she stutters, cheeks a fiery red. “Isabelle.” Merle nods his head and runs a hand through his crunchy beard.

“Well, Isabelle, why dontcha just run on back inside the cafeteria so me and my niece can have a chat, alright?” Isabelle cannot nod fast enough, and she gives Marlena one final glance before racing down the darkened hallway and back to the dance.

The silence left behind by Isabelle’s exit is deafening, and Marlena looks far too wired to try and explain what Merle just waddled into. Merle, on his end, looks like he has all the time in the world to address the fact that he just caught his niece kissing someone at a high school dance.

“Sooooo, I’m guessin’ I don’t need to give you a talk ‘bout the birds and bees.” Merle starts off, causing Marlena to immediately shake her head. “Figured. But, uh, that girl. She, uhhhhhh, you two dating?” Marlena looks around for a couple of seconds, before looking at her heel-clad feet and nodding her head. “Figured that, too. How long?”

There’s a shift in the air around them before Marlena mutters, “Four months,” and then promptly slaps a hand over her mouth. Merle chuckles and shakes his head.

“You been around me for how long, kid, and you didn’t think I’d try an’ Zone of Truth ya?”

“I’m not exactly thinking right now, okay!?” Marlena blurts out. “I’m kind of experiencing my Worst Case Scenario at the moment, so if you could excuse my lack of oversight on you casting the same damn spell for the millionth time that would be great!” She slaps a hand over her mouth again, then drops it when Merle laughs some more.

“Geez, somebody’s feisty tonight…” Merle looks around, then shakes his head. “Come on, this is no place for a talk this.”

And then, just like that; they’re in a simple office with a long table, surrounded by cushy office chairs, overlooking a sunset-filled sky.

Marlena rolls her eyes.

“Parley. Really?” She looks at him with an uninterested stare. Merle huffs at her.

“What? I’ll have you know I’ve had some great conversations in here!”

“Yeah, and most of them ended in you dying…” Marlena points out as she walks to the table and plops down in one of the chairs. Merle laughs again and sits across from her, a chess board suddenly appearing between them.

“Hopefully this one won’t,” he gestures to the board, a silent offer that is met with a silent confirmation. He moves his first piece and leans back in his chair.

“So. Four months is a long time to go without introducing her to the family.” Merle says, watching Marlena tense before she moves a pawn. “You had any plans on having her meet us orrrr….”

“I did.” she mutters, moving another piece. “That all kind of just got ruined, though, and she’s probably never going to talk to me again, so that’s something.”

“Why do you think that?” Merle moves a bishop.

“Because people have this ill-conceived notion that you’re all these big, intimidating people; and she’s gonna get scared that you’re all going to come after her, or somethin’...” she moves another pawn.

“That’s kind of a stupid thought,”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because she’s your girlfriend!” Merle says as he captures one of Marlena’s pawns. “Listen, I may be no ‘romance expert’, but four months is a long time for relationships, at your age. If she wasn’t scared off by the thought of your family being the Seven Birds before, then I don’t think that’s suddenly going to change because one of them caught you two swappin’ spit in the Music hallway.”

“Gross,” Marlena mutters as she captures Merle’s knight.

“Listen, love is love. Once you love somebody, it takes a lot to change your mind about that.” Merle continues as he moves his rook. “Look, if Dav still hasn’t left me after alla my baggage, then I think there’s plenty of hope for you and your girl.” He captures Marlena’s king in one fell swoop and sits back again. “Now, I’m not saying you two are necessarily ‘in love’; but by the way she was lookin’ at you before she split, I think it’s pretty damn close. She wouldn’t let that go because of something dumb like this.”

Marlena stares at the board, a little dumbfounded, before letting out a little chuckle of her own.

“I guess you’re right…” She says, fiddling with her queen. “It’s just…”

“Just what?” Merle asks with a quirked brow. Marlena’s ears turn a little pink.

“It’s just I’m...afraid. Of what Mom and Dad will think.” At that, Merle snorts.

“Honey, you got several uncles and aunts who are in the LGBT community; and so are your own damn parents. No one’s gonna freak out at you liking girls.” Marlena huffs and shakes her head.

“Not about that!” She replies, her voice cracking. “About...the time…”

“About the fact that you waited four months to tell them you have a girlfriend?” Merle says, to which she nods. Merle pauses for a minute, running his soulwood hand through his beard a few times, before having an idea. “Well, how about I don’t tell anybody about this little fiasco, as long as you promise me that you’ll bring Isabelle to the next family dinner?” Marlena looks up at Merle in shock. “That way it gives you a coupla weeks to figure out how you wanna go about it. That sound good?”

“Y-Yes!” She blurts, this time without any magical prompting. “You got a deal!” She reaches over the table to seal the deal with a handshake, to which Merle complies. “And, uh, thanks. I guess. For being cool about this.”

Merle hops off the chair and shrugs.

“Eh, that’s what makes me the ‘Chill Uncle”. Now let’s get you back to the dance, so your principal doesn’t think I snuck off the property to smoke some pot.”

And in another blink of an eye, they were back in that dark hallway. Marlena smiles at Merle one last time before running off to meet up with her girlfriend, leaving Merle to linger in the hallway.

“Ah, young love.” He sighs wistfully, watching Marlena’s figure disappear around a corner. He stands there for about another two minutes before shrugging and reaching into his pocket.

“Well, guess no one’ll miss Ol’ Merle tonight.” He says, waddling towards the back entrance, joint in hand.

---

At age eighteen, Marlena graduated second in her class. She claimed it was because of a class she struggled with her Junior year, but her closest circle of friends know it’s primarily because she didn’t want to seem like she was handed the title of valedictorian. And if that left her girlfriend of two years at the very top, then that was only a bonus.

At graduation, Marlena doesn’t look for her family in the seats, because she can hear them several miles away.

“THAT’S MY GIRL!!!” Her mother screams from her seat, much to the dismay of the security guard standing a mere two feet away. “HI BABY!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!” Not even her father, who is the more reserved of the two, is holding back his enthusiasm; screaming his fair share of positive words and firing off a few harmless sparks of magic.

Marlena rolls her eyes with a fond grin as she takes her seat in her row. Isabelle is beside her, reaching out to take her hand and give it a good squeeze. Marlena looks at her and gestures with her head back toward the crowd.

“If anybody asks, they aren’t my family.” She says, earning a small chuckle from her girlfriend.

“Then whose dinner did I crash last weekend?” Isabelle asks, earning herself her own giggle. The ceremony cuts their banter short as their principal addresses the crowd. After a performance from the Senior Choir, Marlena gets up to deliver her speech to the crowd. Isabelle shoots her a thumbs up as she reaches the stage, and Marlena smiles as she makes it to the podium. She’s never been one for public speaking, but this speech has been rehearsed enough times to where she could recite it without the paper in front of her.

“I was born in a ring of fire.” She begins, her voice echoing down the rows of families. “Ravens stood attentive around the room when I was born, and I was blessed by the powers of both the Raven Queen and Istus. When I was born, it has been said that both life and death stood at a perfect balance. And then, I screamed.”

“I screamed and screamed, and even when my mother tried to comfort me, I still screamed. My father told me that I screamed for an entire day, and it took being place in my crib to get me to stop. Now, I don’t know what this means entirely, but I can assume it means what I’ve always thought of myself: that I’m not special. I’m not special because, at the end of the day, I screamed like every other baby that’s ever been born does. I’m not special because I still slept in a crib, and I still wore diapers, and I still crapped my pants.”

“So when the world started telling me I was special, I was confused. Who decided I was special? It certainly wasn’t me; nor was it my parents. I was a kid, like every other kid on the planet. And I grew up, just like everyone else does. Now I’m graduating, just like every other kid sitting in these seats in front of me. I’m no different than your child, or anyone else’s child.”

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is: make yourself who you want to be. Set your own goals; follow your own path. Don’t let what others try and tell you be what you are if that’s not how you feel. Be the person you want to be. And if that person goes off to college, then that’s great. If not, then that’s great too. Because society doesn’t have the right to decide who you get to be. The only person who gets to decide that is you.”

“I was born in a ring of fire, in the deepest part of the Astral Plane, surrounded by goddesses with immeasurable amounts of power. But I still screamed, just like every other baby did when they were born.”

Her speech was met with thunderous applause, and a lot of erratic cheering from her family members. And, as she went back to her seat and watched the first solo performance of the ceremony, she smiled to herself.

Her name is Marlena Bluejeans, and she is exactly who she wants to be.

#taz #the adventure zone #blupjeans #barry bluejeans #lup taz #taako taaco #kravitz taz #merle highchurch #brief taakitz mention #brief davenchurch mention #lena bluejeans #oc baby #tazdelightful #ignorance cloud on #i started this around 8 and it is now 12:30 AM lord help me #this is what happens when u graduated highschool two days ago kids #u run out of things to do #so u spend hours on a fic no one will probably ever read #anyway thanks for coming to me ted talk

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sevenrelics · 6 years

Text

Taako’s Good Out Here - 1.5k

If you're having non-magical issues, the last person on the moon you want to talk to is Taako. Having an issue with Mage Hand? No problem, he can walk you through it (he's not likely to because he's got way more important shit to take care of, but on a good day, it's a possibility).

Emotional issues, on the other hand? You'd be better off talking to Steven, because Taako’s good out here, homie, and he’s the least well-equipped person on the entire base to deal with this shit.

He leaves the comforting and encouraging to Magnus, and the ‘wise’ observations and life lessons to Merle, he’s just out here for a laugh, and he’s great with that. Taako’s already way over his limit of people he should ideally care about thanks to Magnus and Merle.

Kravitz shifts on the bed a little, a few soft noises passing through his lips as he moves closer to the edge of the bed, like Taako’s presence alone pushes him away.

And, Christ, knowing him, maybe it does. He’s sure as hell tried, but Death’s emissary’s got stubbornness to spare, and Taako’s never quite been equipped with people enjoying his presence beyond in the bedroom and on television. And he’s a liar if he says he doesn’t like it, just a little.

But Kravitz isn’t like that. Kravitz has seen him absolutely plastered, has seen him with his hair smashed against a fishbowl helmet with oily tentacles at his feet, has seen him in at least seven compromising positions in the past month alone, yet still comes to dinner. Lets Taako hedge the date, and cancel plans because “hero stuff, pumpkin” when he’s really just in a bad mood or wants to sleep, or fucked up his nails so badly that he’s afraid Kravitz will say something. (Which he won’t, because no matter what he looks like Kravitz always calls him beautiful, and smiles that way that makes Taako’s stunted-to-all-Hell heart pulse.) He’s there when Taako wakes up with a splitting headache, and he always comes back when Taako screams at him to get out of his damn house and life, because he knows he doesn’t mean it.

Kravitz loves him.

Taako thinks he might too.

He’s not a great boyfriend. Not even a good one, even if he is hot shit and can make the best quiche in the fucking galaxy. Maybe he doesn’t deserve him. Scratch that- he definitely doesn’t, not that he can think of a single person in existence who could measure up to what Kravitz deserves. But he’s here. And for some unknown reason, Kravitz stays.

For a few minutes, it’s quiet, and Taako stares at his boyfriend’s chest rise and fall, even though it doesn’t need to. It’s a scene straight up from one of those sappy romantic films Carey and Killian own far too many of, and borderline creepy to boot. Every nerve, every thought in his head tells him to bolt and never look back, because if he’s learned anything throughout these quests it’s that he’s damn good at that. But he has lessons with Angus tomorrow, and if he leaves now he’ll have to buy a new stove before he gets to try that new tart recipe Avi gave him, and his suit is still at the cleaners, and-

Oh.

Well. It’s nice to make excuses for something that isn’t his fault, for once.

Taako sits up, the bed creaking beneath him as he shuffles a little closer to Kravitz, his heart thumping unnaturally.

“Hey,” he whispers, running his tongue over too-dry lips, his voice soft with disuse.

Kravitz doesn’t stir. He sleeps, well, like the dead, and Taako’s silently thankful for the chance to have this impromptu therapy session.

“I love you,” he says.

And just like that, the words are out of his mouth. There’s no magic. No broken spell, Kravitz doesn’t become alive through the power of true love, or any of that bullshit from stories. (He’d say children’s stories, but he’s picked up one of Angus’s books out of boredom before, and those are far more murder-y than the sappy romantic novels he’s thinking of now.) He’s just said The Words, and there they are. And they’re true.

“I love you,” he repeats, a little louder this time. The words grow lighter in his mouth, and he whispers them again, reaching out so his fingers just barely graze Kravitz’s shoulder, hovering there like he’s cast Levitate.

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you Iloveyou IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou, I-“ Taako pauses, his breathing ragged like he’s just run a lap around base.

Like an idiot, Taako hopes Kravitz wakes up.

Like a coward, he prays to Istus that he doesn’t.

For a moment, it looks like his prayer has been ignored as Kravitz rolls over, his dreadlocks tousled against the pillow (he only uses one, something Taako will never understand). But his eyes remain shut tightly, and the sigh of relief that escapes Taako’s chest is the only noise in the room. He flops back down and lets his hand drop, his fingers splayed lightly on Kravitz’s cool skin.

He loves him.

Maybe he needs to work on being a little less guarded, a little kinder, sweeter, less prone to anger—

But hey. In Casa del Taako, it’s an emotional breakdown free zone. So for now, it’s one step at a time.

Taako’s good out here.

“Eat up, Boy Wonder,” Taako insists, handing the kid a second plate of cherry-drizzled tarts. Angus is early, and fuck if Taako’s passing up a chance to demonstrate his baking prowess, even if it means he has to triple-check the ingredients for poison. Thanks to Istus he's aware That Time wasn't wholly his fault, but the years spent contemplating it take over, and anyway, the actions are practically second nature by now.

Angus looks a little shocked at the heaping plate, but digs in when Taako raises an eyebrow. The kid practically worships the ground he walks on, and Taako doesn't have to admit how nice it is, because the fact that Angus sticks around despite his... nature... is testament enough to his understanding of it.

Or, he's just stubborn as shit. Taako's good with either one.

Kravitz waits at the table, hands folded politely as he waits for his plate too, and Taako can't resist a self-indulgent eye roll at how utterly domestic it is. The guy doesn't even need to eat. Shit, he doesn't even need to breathe, but here the Grim Reaper is, sitting in Taako's kitchen and definitely eating and breathing.

Clicking the oven off, Taako carries two plates off the counter, setting one in front of Kravitz as he digs in.

"So," Taako starts around a mouthful of egg, "no reaping jobs this morning? No poor souls to rip from the mortal realm?"

Kravitz doesn't dignify his jab with a response, but Angus pipes up, not even hesitating at Taako's glare. "Actually, Sir-- he usually just leads them." He shoots an inquisitive glance at Kravitz, who offers him a slight smile. "That's what he told me, at least. I'm surprised you don't know more about it, having almost checked into the Astral Plane--" He pretends to count, and Taako suppresses a huff because he knows damn well the little shit has this memorized.

"Eight times, not counting all the loops in Refuge," and Taako doesn't even want to know how he's heard about that, but isn't surprised in the least.

Brat.

"Yeah, well, Ol' Taako's had a lot of almost-deaths, Agnes. They blur together. Shut up and eat your breakfast."

Angus obliges, but Taako doesn't miss the mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Anyway," Taako drawls. "How goes it, Hot Stuff? There aren't any ravens pecking through my door right now, so I can assume you're not skipping work to hang out. Not that I wouldn't be fucking flattered, but--"

"Taako," Kravitz interrupts him, and the seriousness in his voice makes Taako's eyes fly up to meet his. Despite the tone, a smile pulls at the corner of Kravitz's unfairly handsome face. "I love you, too."

He reels back, his face burning, and he's sure that even if Angus wasn't Boy Wonder, Greatest Detective on the Moon, he'd be able to see through Taako's embarrassed guise to see how glad he is to hear it.

#taz balance #taz fanfiction #taz fic #taakitz #taako #kravitz #angus mcdonald #fluff #//death mention #please leave a tag or a reply if you can!#also reblogs really help if you're able!

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detectiveangusmcdonald · 6 years

Text

The Despair Zone| Chapter 1: Welcome to the Academy

First Previous Next

Summary: Sixteen high school students find themselves trapped in a high school by someone forcing them to play a killing game.

Word Count: 1359

Warnings: None

Notes: The chapter in which everyone is introduced. My beta said it was fine, so I hope he’s right.

Read on AO3

Magnus woke up with a jolt. He wasn’t dreaming, yet all of a sudden he felt like he was falling. He groaned and sat up straight. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he took in his surroundings.

He was in a classroom, sitting in one of the desks. They were arranged in a nearly perfect square. There were sixteen seats in total. The chalkboard was empty, but not spotless. Did Magnus fall asleep in class again? He tried to look out the window, only to find that it was covered.

Magnus got up to try and take the cover off of the window. He pulled; it didn’t come off. He tried again, still nothing. Third time's the charm, he thought before failing again. The bolts were holding pretty tightly.

He looked around the room again, now noticing a folded piece of paper on one to the desks. He opened it.

Opening ceremony begins at 9:00 in the gymnasium.

Magnus searches around the room for a clock. The one above the door read 8:30. He had time, so he went to find other people.

The hallways were empty, so he picked a direction and stuck with it. He read the signs on the doors but didn’t look in. He figured there would be time to explore later.

He passed by the door to the entrance hall when he heard voices. He pushed open the door.

There was a large group of people standing in front of a huge industrial lock. A handful of them turned around when he walked in. One waved. “There’s another!” Someone else called out.

“I think that’s everyone.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I found the class roster, and it has sixteen names on it.”

“Why don’t you’d role call then?”

“Alright.” The voice cleared their throat. “Ren Bir, Ultimate Mixologist.”

“Here!” A dark elf girl standing next to Magnus called out. Her skin was dark gray, and her hair was white. She was wearing an old-timey, white, high collar dress with a brown vest buttoned in the front on top. Her boots were black and had a small heel.

“Barry Bluejeans, Ultimate Engineer.”

“I’m here!” A human guy across the room yelled. He had brown hair and blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses. His hair looked like a mullet in the front, but thankfully it wasn’t long in the back. He was average height and a bit overweight. He was wearing a red jacket over a plain white t-shirt. True to his last name, his jeans were a bright blue.

“Magnus Burnsides, Ultimate Protector. “

“Here!” Magnus saw many different expressions and body language. Some people were tense, probably because of his height and build. Others relaxed a bit after hearing his title, but most were confused. He could hear murmurs of “What does the Ultimate Protector do?”

“Drew Davenport, Ultimate Pilot.”

“Present and ready for duty!” Magnus couldn’t find out who it was coming from at first. When he looked down, he realized why. Davenport was a gnome with fiery red hair and pretty impressive facial hair. Magnus was a little jealous. He was wearing a tuxedo and a blue bow tie. Honestly, he looked more like a butler than a pilot.

“Carey Fangbattle, Ultimate Thief.”

“Here!” A small, blue dragonborn, more like a lizardborn, calle dour. She was wearing typical rogue attire with a yellow bandana tied around her neck.

“Kravitz Heriotza, Ultimate Hitman.” The mood of the room suddenly went uneasy.

“Uh, here,” A strikingly handsome man said. He had dark skin and dark hair done in dreadlocks. He was also wearing a tuxedo and a sweeping black robe. He looked like the Grim Reaper himself.

“Alright, um, Merle Highchurch, Ultimate Botanist.”

No one said anything. Everyone was looking around the room for Merle, before the person calling role said, “Oh wait shit, that’s me.” There were some laughs and various groans throughout the crowd.

Merle was a beach dwarf with white hair and a long beard. His eyes were a beautiful hazel color. His attired was, well, one of a typical dad’s.

“John Hunger, Ultimate uhhh…” Merle pulled the paper closer to his face. “It doesn’t say what your talent is, buddy.”

“That’s an issue, since I don’t remember my talent either,” A slim man with salt and pepper hair said. He was wearing a sharp gray suit, a narrow black tie, and some very nice shoes.

“Okay, uh, Lucretia Marasini, Ultimate Biographer.”

“I’m here.” A mousy voice called out. She was a human girl with short, white hair and dark skin. She was wearing a light blue dress with a white cape and looked like she was trying to make herself smaller.

“Angus McDonald, Ultimate Detective.”

“Here, sir!” A small boy said. He had olive skin, dark hair, and dark eyes behind very big glasses. His attire could only be described as “fancy boi.” Magnus felt the overwhelming urge to ruffle this kid’s hair.

“Lucas Miller, Ultimate Planeologist.”

“I’m here.” Everything about this voice screamed “nerd.” His skin was tannish, but it didn’t look like it was from the sun. He wore a lab coat and nerd glasses.

“Johan Pellegrino, Ultimate Violinist.”

“Uh, here.” This guy’s voice was droopy and sad. He was the spitting image of a bard. A violin was strapped to his back.

“Killian Shimojo, Ultimate Archer.”

“Here!” An orc woman called out. She had green skin and black hair. She was pretty buff and could probably give Magnus a run for his money. She was wearing a white tank top and brown pants.

“Lup Tacco, Ultimate Pyrotechnic.”

“Here, darling!” A green-skinned elf yelled. She had very short hair in a punk-style haircut. She was wearing a yellow crop top, navy blue pants, and knee-high boots. She was carrying a red umbrella for some reason.

“Taako Tacco, Ultimate Chef.”

“Live and in person, baby!” Another elf that looked almost exactly like Lup said. The only difference was his blond hair was long and braided. He was wearing a giant purple wizard’s hat. His tunic was white, and his leggings were navy. He was wearing knee-high black boots and a purple wizard’s robe.

“And finally, Julia Waxmen, Ultimate Woodworker.”

“Here!” Magnus’s head rushed when he heard her voice. He had gone to middle school with Julia and developed a major crush on her. His friends didn’t see it, but she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

“Alright, that’s everyone,” Merle said, putting the clipboard down on a nearby table.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say this. What the fuck is going on?” Taako gestured around the room when he spoke.

“That will probably be answered in due time, but how do we open the door?” Ren asked.

“Can we brute force it?” Magnus suggested. Some of the stronger people nodded in agreement.

Angus walked up to the door and studied it for a minute. “Nope, too sturdy. Not even a tornado could rip it out.”

“Can I try to pick the lock?” Carey stepped up to the door.

“Maybe it’s a combination or coded lock,” Lucas said.

Angus looked some more. “I can’t find a keyhole or a number pad.”

“Magic?” Killian suggested.

“There’s something weird in the air.” Taako turned to Lup. “You feel it too, right?”

“Yeah, for some reason, I feel drained.”

“Then how do we get out of here?” John asked.

The room erupted into voices. Everyone was trying to voice their opinion, but it was too loud. It only quieted down when the sound of a school bell was heard and a monitor Magnus had not yet seen flickered to life.

‘Hello, is this thing on?” A cartoonish voice came to life. “Opening ceremony begins in 5 minutes in the gymnasium.” The screen turned off.

“Should we go?” Barry asked.

“Do we have a choice?” Davenport retaliated, leading a majority of the group out. All who remained were Magnus, Kravitz, Lucretia, and Angus.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Kravitz said, rubbing his arms a bit.

“There’s no point in waiting. Besides,” Angus turned around and smiled, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

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ceilingfan5 · 3 years

Note

BEACH AU/WIZARD AU/MODERN AU

I LIKE THE ENTHUSIASM!

1) Taako! Is! A Beach!!! Wizard!!!!!!!! Kravitz is a Normal Job Boy taking his first vacation in years. He doesn’t remember how to have fun but fuck is he gonna try. he doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on his vacation so he books a shitty hotel by a place google maps says has a beach and he’s all like fuck yeah saving so much money and then he tells the desk clerk and theyre like. dude don’t, the beach wizard will get ya

2) beach wizard? what the fuck is a beach wizard? there’s no such thing as a beach wizard, kravitz loudly declares in his shitty hotel lobby, in his shorts and flip flips he hasn’t worn in six years the desk clerk shakes their head and tells him to be careful. kravitz is like PSSSHH WHATEVER,

3) so he goes to this little beach!! there is not a good place to park. he has to scramble thru a bunch of thornbushes but he finds the beach and it’s GORGEOUS

why has no one developed this?? why is it not swarming with idiot tourists like himself?? OH WELL! PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!! Krav runs for the water

4) and the water PUSHES HIM BACK AND SLAPS HIM DOWN ON THE BEACH and he’s spitting up sand like quel fuck? and this horrible voice echoes on the beach THIS IS MY FUCKIN BEACH GOT GET YOUR OWN BEACH

and krav is like. NOPE I WORKED LONG AND HARD FOR THIS VACATION AND IM GOING TO HAVE A GOOD GODDAMN TIME!!! so if he can’t go in the ocean, fuck it, he sits on the sand and starts making a castle like a little kid and a wildly-dressed but beautiful man jumps out of the sand all BLWUAAGAHGHHHH THIS IS MY BEACH FUCK OFF OR ILL CURSE YOUUUUU

5) krav: kiss me? did you say kiss me? there’s still water in my ears

taako, the scary beach wizard: what the fuck no i said CURSE YOU im going to CURSE you GET OUT OF HERE

krav: im pretty sure you said you were going to kiss me. Which. I think i happen to be ammenable to.

taako: hm. it is lonely being a beach wizard. did you happen to bring a picnic

kravitz: why yes i did!

marry the beach wizard, kravitz, it’s what you deserve. become a co-beach wizard and live your beach magic dreams

send me an au or an au combo and ill write 5 things about it

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dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition · 6 years

Text

tazchat: open tears on the metro about a jellyfish

“i take umbrage with that.” quick q griffin is that griffin mcelroy or is it lucretia or is it a jellyfish. who. also hi kravitz. hi paloma. fuck the dumb bitch named after paloma. magnus should’ve killed him. hi istus! love you queen.

A FAMILY REUNITED, AT LAST.

i know that this is just exposition but how the fuck did noelle angus carey and killian handle all of this information at once like davenport’s talking magnus is alive lucretia’s in a bubble taako is threatening her some random-ass dude is wearing jeans and ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE ALIENS.

barry trying to keep magnus upright!!! that’s so cute sorry. best older brother.

TEN. NINE.

YOU FUCKING TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.

these dumb fuckers fighting and magnus and merle just. semi-trying to hold thing together. magnus leans toward taako’s side but he wants to get this shit over again.

“she wouldn’t want you to give up.” “i understand, but i don’t give a shit; the world is ending and i don’t care.”

“we leave, and we get her back.” “i got kids! magnus and i got people relying on us—“

ANGUS.

I NEED HEALING

THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO THINGS IN THE B.O.B.

two failed dex throws. christ.

A FUCKING RHINOCEROS. “dibs!”

merle is level 15, magnus got to level 14 (GOD PLEASE LEVEL UP IN ROGUE!!!), taako went to level 16

“should i talk slower so that everyone on reddit complaining about us not playing dnd can nut” our boy can fuckin. reverse age now.

i forgot that taako only cast fire spells in this fight. which is. good move, justin.

Merle Makes A Melee Attack For The First Time In So Goddamn Long

LESBIAN POWER

“i’m gonna jump on the rhino’s back” “of course you are”

“GRIFFIN, I’M GOING TO USE MY ANIMAL HANDLING PROFICIENCY.”

Big Dog With A Horn: Handled!

god this is such a peak Good TAZ Fight like. i usually don’t care for fights bc. adhd but. this one’s good.

wow i don’t love the dragon angus theory but for a second there i thought lightning bolt was just a sorceror/warlock spell and not a wizard one and i was like. damn confirmed? but nvm. he still does cast a bard/cleric spell at one point so

WALL OF FIRE.

TAAKO: Hey hand! UP HIGH. DOWN LOW. [the hand falls] TOO SLOW. / MAGNUS: Nice!

baby boy... 19 points of damage. you can hear that griffin doesn’t wanna be doing that much damage to angus lol.

MAGNUS MAKES AN INSURANCE JOKE and that’s when davenport realizes that his idiot son is an adult now

KILLIAN AND MAGNUS: ARM REMOVAL STUNT BUDS

I Think You’re Proficient With Grandpa’s Knife?

“my dear precious ango” GOD

“magnus? that was HANDS DOWN the coolest thing you’ve ever done.” “NICE!”

HEY ICON??? Hey lesbian icon!!!! she’s gotta save her friends!!!

griffin @ justin this whole fight is just like. “do it. pussy. break the fucking umbrella.”

“is this okay sir????”

HE CASTS FIREBALL... AND IT’S WAY TOO DOPE OF A FIREBALL FOR A CHILD TO HAVE CAST IT...

“THAT WASN’T ME I DIDN’T CAST THAT SIR—“ “i know.”

I SNAP IT!!!!!! HERE SHE IS BITCH

IT’S LIKE A BOMB GOES OFF IN YOUR HANDS—

and we see lup. (omg this scene has the disrobed/chalice motif!!!)

silverpoint poison can’t be beat unless you’re lgbt and full of love in which case you’ll be back later

THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE OF MACARONS

I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU NOW

PHANTASMAL AND RESPLENDENT, HER OUTSTRETCHED ARMS COVERED IN FLAME, AND YOU HEAR YOUR SISTER’S VOICE:

YOU’RE DATING THE GRIM REAPER?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

“lup, that was sick. i was on board the whole time.” “i knew the whole time, i just didn’t wanna break your cool staff.”

“I WANNA BLOW MYSELF SO I CAN HOLD YOU AGAI—“ “babe let’s hold back your beautiful body’ll get killed soon enough. let’s get somewhere safe again.”

“aw, lucretia, no sweat, i was inside an umbrella. let’s get rid of that bubble, cool?” AND LUC EXITS

DAVENPORT STARTS ORDERING EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ASDHDHJF

“sorry bout the cookies little dude!”

“SURE DAV!” take me to davenchurch i’ll worship like a dog at th

“you have to term—“ “no. no! no, no, no, no.” SPACE DOG SPACE DOG SPACE DOG

“i’ve got... a cunning plan!” and our girl just JUMPS OFF OF THE MOON.

“mags, keep hittin’ stuff, merle, don’t beef it, i guess.”

“I’ve Got Magic Powers?” “was that... a reveal? is that new information?”

john calls merle into parley because he doesn’t want him to die holy shit. take me to johnchurch i’ll worshi

“gotta minute?”

FISH TIME!!!! FISH TIME!!!!!!!!! FISH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

“buddy—“

clint is crying and so am i!!!

“i’m sorry i forgot you, buddy.” and he starts singing to them!!!

bard 👏🏼 magnus 👏🏼 when 👏🏼

kinda fucked up how now everyone knows everything about magic brian now

SEVEN NOTES BABY!!!!!! seven of ‘em!!!!

#libra season

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marypsue · 6 years

Text

Imbalance, 7 / ?

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / ?

I’m also on AO3 as MaryPSue!

...

"So, Griffin. I have a question."

"Mhm?"

"So this old guy -"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Sorry, Dad. So this sprightly youth of about forty-five, fifty years old - he thinks he's a lich?"

"That's right, Trav, well done for catching that. I know I made that one kind of hard to puzzle out, you know, with him saying it and everything -"

"That's not my question, okay! So he wants to find his phylactery and make sure it doesn't get destroyed."

"Yes."

"Griffin?"

"Yes?"

"Since when have our liches had phylacteries?"

“...”

"Well, they've - they've had them all along, Travis. I can't believe you don't remember that."

"Really."

"Mhm!"

"So...what're Lup and Barry's?"

"Well, now that's a - very personal question you're asking there. I'm not surprised they didn't tell you, Magnus."

"Oh! Oh, Trav, he got you good!"

"So that's how you're gonna play it, Griffin?"

"Yep, I think that's how I'm gonna play it."

"All right, Griffie, just remember, this is how you wanted to play it."

...

"Ahoy! Taako! I have a question of great import!"

"Yeah, homie, what's crackalackin'?"

"What's your sister's phylactery?" Magnus asks, reaching for another meringue.

Taako blinks at him.

"Okay, first of all, I'm frankly a little suspicious why you'd even see the need to ask that," he says, raising one finger in the air. "Second of all, what's that got to do with the, the price of eggs?"

...

"Seriously, Juice? I thought you were on my side here!"

"Oh, I am, I am. Justin's all for making our beloved baby brother sweat. But, uh, Taako just got asked a very weird, very personal question, and I don't have to tell you that shit's already pretty weird, sooo..."

"This is about the character voices, isn't it."

"Travis, my dear brother...it has always been about the character voices."

...

"Well, Barry mentioned it, when we were talking about the whole lich-on-the-plane-of-thought thing, and I thought, and I don't know a lot about necromancy, but I thought maybe if there isn't magic on the Plane of Thought, maybe whoever it was turned themselves into a lich...here. And maybe they left it here, to make sure it wouldn't get...I dunno, de-magicked? So maybe, if we knew what kind of thing we were looking for -"

"We could find it and smash the shit out of it before things get any more, uh, uh, buckwild around here," Taako says, tapping a finger against his chin in thought. Magnus takes advantage of the opportunity to stuff the entire meringue in his mouth. "Not a bad - not a bad plan at all. So we're back in the old saving-the-world business, huh?"

"Wookf wike it," Magnus says, and swallows the last of the meringue. "Think we should give Merle a call? Y'know, get the band back together."

"Hmm," Taako says, thoughtfully, still tapping his chin.

...

"Yes! Yes, you should! Come on, throw your poor old dad a bone here."

...

"He's been pretty busy with that whole adventure camp thing," Magnus says, uncertainly.

"Oh, for sure, for sure," Taako agrees. "And trying to be a good father to the children he basically abandoned."

...

"Oh, come on, now that's just dirty pool!"

...

"And running an entire earldom? He's a busy man. We shouldn't be calling him up to bother him over every little, uh, every problem that comes our way," Taako finishes, decisively.

He looks over and meets Magnus' eyes.

"I've got his Stone of Farspeech on speed-dial," Magnus says.

...

The call goes to voicemail, again.

Liliana frowns at the device in her hand, before ending the call.

"Maybe he's still asleep," Rowan suggests uncertainly.

"Nope, he said he wanted to come meet the one and only Joaquin with us," Liliana says, unable to keep a hint of disdain out of her voice. "Can you just drop me at his apartment? Something here's not right."

"It's a quarter mile out of the way," Rowan starts, sounding annoyed, then glances over and sees Liliana's face. He sighs, and merges into the left lane. "Fine. But I'm going to drop you off and keep going, okay? Time may be of the essence."

"Sounds like a plan," Liliana says, already looking down the street for Storm's apartment building.

With the traffic, it ends up taking almost ten minutes to get there. Liliana piles out of the car at a red light and walks the last block to Storm's building. She rings the buzzer, and waits, tucking her hands under her arms and stamping her feet. September's cold this year, and the wind howling down the back of her neck has a bite to it. She hopes it's not going to rain.

Finally, Storm's voice echoes out of the little speaker by the door, tinny and hollow. "What."

"It's me," Liliana says. "Open up."

There's a groan from the speaker before it abruptly goes dead. The door doesn't buzz. Liliana gives the handle a tug, but it doesn't budge.

She lays on the buzzer again, jamming her thumb against the button marked with Storm's name until her knuckle aches. She doesn't let up until the speaker crackles to life again. "All right, all right! Fine!"

Storm's apartment, when he opens the door for Liliana, is dark. "Hey, I didn't say you could come in -" he starts, as Liliana shoulders past him into the entryway. Liliana ignores him.

She sighs at the closed blinds, the pile of dishes in the sink, the unmade bed, the overflowing trash cans, the collection of half-drunk water glasses sitting on the bedside table. "That bad, huh?" she asks, as she pulls open the living room curtains. Storm winces when the light flows in, but he doesn't try to stop her.

"I'm fine," he says, defensively. "I'm dealing. You saw the news, didn't you? You know what our miserable fucking excuse for a government did -"

"I sure do. And I know sitting alone in a dark room feeling sorry for myself ain't gonna make it better," Liliana says, shortly.

"Nothing is," Storm says, his voice bitter and brittle, and Liliana pauses in her quest to get some sunlight into his apartment to look over at him. He won't meet her eyes. "Nothing is going to make anything better, do you understand? Sense hasn't saved us, law and order haven't saved us, knowledge, kindness, solidarity definitely haven't saved us - the wheel is spinning into misery again, and there is nothing that can stop it now except time. And even that - eight years! We got eight measly years to breathe in, and even that was too much, and now we're paying for it just like we always have, and we'll pay for it and pay for it and pay for it -"

"Just so you know, you stopped making any sense about four sentences ago," Liliana says.

Storm looks her in the eye.

"The only governing force in the universe is entropy," he says.

"That's an interesting theory," Liliana says. "That why you haven't done dishes in a month?"

"They'll just get dirty again! And then they'll have to be washed again, and it's an endless cycle that just wastes precious, finite energy, and then you die, and you've wasted your whole life washing dishes, and -" Storm protests, and then stops, finally seeming to hear how ridiculous he sounds.

"All right," Liliana says, taking pity on him. "Why don't you give that therapist of yours a call, and while you talk to her, I'll take out your trash and clean up in here. It's not gonna make the world a better place, I know, but it will make the immediate future suck a little less." She waves a hand in front of her nose. "Been burning incense in here again? This place reeks like an ashtray."

"It's against the lease," Storm says, hollowly. "Like most other small pleasures that would make life feel more like it was worth living."

"Jesus, you're a cheerful guy today," Liliana says. "When's the last time you slept?"

Storm doesn't answer, but his silence is glowering and guilty. Liliana nods. "All right. Call your therapist, then go take a nap."

"What's the point?" Storm mutters. "This is just how reality works. What's she going to do about it? Tell me lies to try to make me feel better? Tell me to lie to myself to try to feel better?" His voice goes even smaller, quiet enough that Liliana has to strain to hear it. "Maybe it's a good thing we opened that circle. Maybe we should just leave it open and hope it destroys us all."

"Oh, for -" Liliana starts.

She doesn't get a chance to finish, though, because the fire alarm goes off.

...

It's a beautiful day at Bottlenose Cove. They've mostly been beautiful days so far, at least the ones that Merle's been in town for.

...

"Finally! And here I was starting to think you boys had forgotten about me."

"Well, Magnus and Taako have been trying to call you all year, Dad, it's not their fault you keep forgetting to take your stone off silent."

"Oh, sure, you can say that -"

"Listen, old man, I will personally walk through your phone settings with you right now -"

"Hey guys? Hey? Hey guys? Hey guys, wanna play - hey, do you guys maybe wanna play some D&D?"

...

Extreme Teen Adventures keeps him away from home for weeks at a time, of course, out in the wilderness far from civilisation, where you can't even get a decent signal on a Stone of Farspeech -

...

"Oh, sure, all gang up on the old guy, why don't you? I hope you all remember who gave you life!"

"Well, Dad, technically -"

"I contributed half the genetic material!"

...

- but Merle's finally got a week or two of well-earned vacation, and, as he drops his bags on the front steps of his cliffside manor and turns to survey the tiny beach earldom laid out before him, he decides he's going to spend as much of it as possible lying on the sand, in the sun, not moving. The water is a perfect crystal blue, little rippling waves sparkling in the light, the sun hammers warmth into the top of Merle's head and shoulders under his Hawaiian shirt, the sky is an unbroken dome of pure lapis fading almost to white around the horizon, unblemished by even the faintest wisp of cloud -

And the moon's falling out of it.

Merle blinks, raises a hand to shade his eyes, but the moon's still there and it's still falling. He can see its shadow, now, a little dark disc in the middle of the water that's growing bigger and wider by the second. The moon itself is getting bigger, too, and the closer it gets the more Merle can see. It's a little reassuring to know that the actual moon isn't about to drop on Bottlenose Cove, but seeing the Bureau of Benevolence moonbase dropping towards him at high speed isn't exactly a reassuring sight, either.

"Dad?" Mavis asks uncertainly, and Mookie shouts, "Cool!" Merle gathers them both close to his sides, as much to reassure Mavis as to make sure Mookie doesn't go charging down the beach and get squished by the falling moonbase.

A few heartbeats pass, Merle holding his breath as the shadow covering the beach grows bigger and bigger, before the moonbase crashes into the water.

The impact is deafening. The spray reaches all the way up to the manor steps, spattering a fine cold mist across Merle's face. Mavis' arms tighten around his waist, and Merle gives her an unthinking pat on the back.

Once the wave that the moonbase's splashdown landing had kicked up onto the sand starts to retreat, Merle finally loosens his grip on his kids' shoulders.

"We - we should go see if we can help," Mavis says. "If there were people in there -"

Merle just nods, and grabs his backpack back up from the porch.

By the time he gets down to the beach, the party's pretty much over. Half of Bottlenose Cove has swarmed out of their homes to come help evacuate the slowly-sinking moonbase, and rowboats and Fanta-Sea-Doos are already ferrying people with silver bracers to shore. The glass cannonballs have been repurposed as lifeboats, bobbing on the waves in random patterns, and Merle catches the eye of someone waving from inside one of the glass globes. It's Avi, looking just a little too cheerful for somebody whose flying house just crash-landed in somebody else's cove. Merle follows his line of sight, and realises Avi's looking past him, at Chesney's up the beach. Well, that makes sense, then.

One of the other globes, one that's a little closer to him, gets caught up in the breakers near the beach, and there's a chorus of yelps as it topples over, spilling its passengers into the surf. Merle hurries down the beach, thinking of riptides - but by the time he reaches the water, several people in extremely sodden blue-and-white robes are already dragging themselves out of the ocean. There's a lot of embarrassed laughter, and one of the people who'd spilled out of the cannonball flicks her hair back over her shoulder.

"Lucretia!" Merle calls, and she turns. "Long time no see!"

Lucretia turns, and her smile grows sheepish.

"Merle!" she calls, raising a hand in greeting. "Hope you don't mind us, uh, dropping in."

#the adventure zone #balance arc #this is mary's fic tag

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