#❛ 'what am i going to queue with law'? ❜ (queue)

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

#‘ 001. ’ (out of character) #❛ 'what am i going to queue with law'? ❜ (queue) #will probably delete this eventually because this is honestly a level of Being Perceived that makes me uncomfortable because i feel patheti #but i've met at least two other people in similar situations to me so if there's anybody else out there i see you & love you.

[yeonban]

The pretty heterophobia in his eyes 🥺🥺🥺

#muse: nikolai gogol. #I'm sorry I'm required by law to mention this meme every time I want to bring up Nikolai's eyes/his heterochromia AGDSAHDSAJDSKAD #HE HAS SUCH PRETTY EYES AND FOR WHAT REASON... I am actually very curious on why his left one is cut like that on the inside #Mildly wondering if he even really sees well through that eye or not but y'know! Nikolai secrets are Nikolai secrets! #Also I've started my MA today so I'll see if I can do anything ic on here but tbh I'm SOOO beat that I might just let weekend me handle it #I might actually have to start doing a 'queue replies during weekends to post during the week' routine soon. Atrocious news #I'll at least go through my notifs on here today and Maybe send some asks... or post some more one-liners from the Nikolai sc / more opens #Dms & IMs will unfortunately have to wait bc my social battery is at -10 BUT if you want my discord feel free to ask for it <3

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Trevor Zegras Edition (Two)

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: one

next: three

a/n so i def posted this then deleted it bc i hated it bc i wrote it in the 1-3am range… and now i’m writing it again in that range… fingers crossed!

i’m sorry this is short!

OCTOBER 15, 2023

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, and 16,611 others

yourusername welcome back to my post game penalty box update show, céline dion fans and non-céline dion fans! tonight was the ducks home opener and it was a doozy!

first i want to address that my lil quackies have now won their home opener 8 years in a row and are now 20-9-1 in their 30 year history for home openers! and if you’re like me and ✨love✨ stats, then you’ll be thrilled to learn that mr. frank “the tank” vatrano is the FIRST DUCK EVER TO SCORE A HAT TRICK IN THE HOME OPENER! shoutout to mason, who passed frankie the puck so that he could score the empty netter for the hatty, and made me cry at how sweet he was! (yes, they got good job forehead kisses because i love them soooo much!)

now, on to the fun stuff that you’re all here for! my future husband and baby daddy got his first penalty tonight, and oooo lordy, he looked fine! seriously, like, you think you all were freaking out about how hot he was in the box? imagine how i feel! he’s coming home to me!

his penalty was for “holding the stick” against aho (queue the boos) he did not agree with the penalty and made sure to scoff at the refs so that they knew they made a ridiculous call (i legally have to be on his side)

but get this— the penalty was called 11 seconds into z’s shift, it was the 6th official power play for the canes! we love! (we don’t love that it resulted in a c*nes goal though)

what was my favorite part of the game, you ask? it was the scrum, of course! my mans tried his best in holding back pesce, but he really just clung onto him as he got dragged around the scrum because he… is pocket sized compared to pesce. the 9th photo is of z clinging onto him from behind. i imagine pesce’s inner monologue was like “if the child will not move off me, then i shall move with the child. i am undeterred by the diminutive boy.”

ANYHOOZLE, i’m so proud of my boys! especially jamie baby, who now has back to back assists! this is your reputation era, jd! i love you endlessly <3

and to my z-baby, i’m perpetually proud of you and i’m sure you’ll do something productive soon! i love you, always💜 (and you look hot as fuck in purple) (you should buy more purple)

(p.s. did you all really think i’d only post one pic of my mans in the box when he looked that hot in it tonight? guess again! post two coming soon!)

tagged trevorzegras

view all 277 comments

trevorzegras i can’t tell if i was attacked or loved more in the post but i love you, forever, my sweet girl! (i’ll buy more purple) (i’m not pocket sized! or diminutive! at all! that’s quinn!)

yourusername i’d like to think i had an even balance of love and bullying<3 (you are compared to a 6’4 man!) (quintin’s gonna kill you and i’m going to have to let him)

trevorzegras he wouldn’t dare kill his future brother-in-law! and i’m going to be a the dad to his nieces/newphews/both!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras count your days, zegras

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes THEN YOUR SISTER WON’T HAVE A FATHER FOR HER KIDS!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras she has options

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes no? she doesn’t?

_quinnhughes @/jamie.drysdale would you be the dad to sissy’s kids if i kill trevor?

jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes of course

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras see? options!

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale aw, jamie baby! i’m gonna cry!

trevorzegras @/yourusername HE IS NOT GOING TO BE THE DAD TO OUR TWINS

yourusername @/trevorzegras FINE

user76 you’re so real for knowing all of us were acting whoreish over him in the box

yourusername this house is pro whore!

user14 “mwah!” -z in the 5th pic

jamie.drysdale i love YOU endlessly! so happy to have my own professional cheerleader back this year

yourusername wym “back”??? i never stopped being your cheerleader! i’m offended at best

colecaufield @/yourusername i would never do that to you

jamie.drysdale @/colecaufield you’re just mad that quinn asked me to be the dad to the twins

trevorzegras @/colecaufield @.jamie.drysdale I’M THE DAD! I’M THE FATHER! I’M THE BABY DADDY!

yourusername @/trevorzegras wow… jealous much?

colecaufield @/trevorzegras it’s hypothetical! if quinn kills you, then it should be me! i’m best friend number two!

jamie.drysdale @/colecaufield but she wouldn’t have to move if it’s me!

yourusername @/matthew_tkachuk congrats! if quinn kills trevor, you get to raise the twins with me as their dad!

matthew_tkachuk @/yourusername do you want your own room? or just the nursery and you can sleep with me?

yourusername @/matthew_tkachuk we can share the bed!

trevorzegras @/yourusername @.matthew_tkachuk NO

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername NO FAIR

colecaufield @/yourusername RUDE!

yourusername @/matthew_tkachuk 10 minutes ago, i lost my dear fiancé, trevor

trevorzegras @/yourusername I’M NOT ACTUALLY DEAD

yourusername @/matthew_tkachuk sometimes i can still hear his voice

matthew_tkachuk @/yourusername i’m sorry for your loss

yourusername @/matthew_tkachuk i’m not

trevorzegras @/yourusername divorce.

yourusername @/trevorzegras we can’t get a divorce if i’m a widow

trevorzegras @/yourusername ghost divorce.

user12 HE’S SO CUTE AHH

colecaufield @/trevorzegras wrong 22, bitch

trevorzegras @/colecaufield all’s fair in love and war

yourusername @/trevorzegras i don’t think you used that correctly

colecaufield @/trevorzegras so you admit to cheating?!

trevorzegras @/colecaufield no? there was a war i had to stop, and i love you! i didn’t “cheat”

yourusername @/trevorzegras you definitely didn’t use that correctly

user32 this game was everything to me

user4 Z’S HAIR IN THE 8THE PIC🥵😭

jackhughes @/trevorzegras i can’t believe the father of my future nieces/nephews/both is a criminal…

trevorzegras @/jackhughes you’re one to talk!

jackhughes @/trevorzegras that’s not the point!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras @/jackhughes @.lhughes_06 i’m the only one of us that’s not a criminal! none of you should get to see the babies!

yourusername @_quinnhughes i love you so much but trevor is screaming and *i’m* about to kill you

lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes you pissed off the princess

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes has she ever threatened your death?

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras i don’t think so

jackhughes @_quinnhughes you REALLY pissed off the princess

user47 “i legally have to be on his side” that’s true love baby!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras the war begins

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes you're at 2 games?

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras 2 more than you

yourusername war! war! war! war!

_alexturcotte war! war! war! war!

yourusername @_alexturcotte you? you get me

_quinnhughes @_alexturcotte @/yourusername heathens

yourusername @_quinnhughes you quite literally started this war

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes heathen

user62 Z IS SO CUTE AHH

_alexturcotte céline dion? are you 60?

yourusername i love her

trevorzegras @_alexturcotte what can i say? i love me an older woman

yourusername @/trevorzegras if you have a mommy kink, just say so

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername WHY

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale i just want to make my mans happy! i love him!

trevorzegras @/yourusername forever?

yourusername @/trevorzegras always💜

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, and 11,341 others

yourusername soooo..... i couldn't just pick 8 pictures... and then i couldn't just pick 17 pictures... so here's 26 more pictures for a grand total of 34 (not including the penalty count)!

enjoy pictures of:

-z looking unreasonably hot in the penalty box

-z looking unreasonably hot in his plum carpet fit

-his many faces during games

-z attacking aho (#JusticeForJack)

-the scrum turn into a conga line

-jamie baby in his plum carpet fit (he also looks very good! both my boys were in blue <3)

-jamie baby's faces during the game

-jamie baby playing volleyball with the puck

with love,

sissy🤍

tagged trevorzegras and jamie.drysdale

jamie.drysdale NO

_quinnhughes @/jamie.drysdale welcome to the club! i’m so sorry

trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale it could be worse

yourusername no one is safe🫶 ever💜

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername i thought you loved me

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale this is how i show love

jackhughes @/jamie.drysdale you should've known this was coming

jamie.drysdale @/jackhughes i thought i’d be safe since i didn't get a penalty

colecaufield @/jamie.drysdale good thing you don't get paid for thinking

user3 I'M LOSING MY MIND AT THE CONGA LINE

user46 oh i’m drooling

trevorzegras not all of these pictures are bad ones of me and i’m taking that as a win! i love you, forever💜

yourusername i know! aren't i the sweetest? (i love you, always)

trevorzegras i don't call you my sweet girl for nothing!

jackhughes @/yourusername he's lying to you

yourusername @/jackhughes die.

trevorzegras soooo sweet💜

lhughes_06 @/jamie.drysdale just wait til you get your own post

jamie.drysdale @/lhughes_06 you and jack didn't get one and you two got penalties!

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale i was mad at them at the time!

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername be mad at me

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale never.

yourusername @/lhughes_06 p.s. congratulations on losing your nhl penalty virginity!

lhughes_06 @/yourusername why are you like this?

yourusername @/lhughes_06 to make your life more interesting

lhughes_06 @/yourusername my life is interesting!

yourusername @/lhughes_06 you're welcome!

#penalty box series #trevor zegras #trevor zegras x hughes reader #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras x y/n #trevor zegras edit #trevor zegras au #quinn hughes #jamie drysdale #jamie drysdale imagine #jack hughes #luke hughes #anaheim ducks #cole caufield

[rockingrobin69]

In the Frothing

“He comes by every week.”

“Wow,” Draco said, twisting the dial with a snarl, “that must mean something. Every week, to a coffee shop? One could almost think… oh no. What if—he may be an addict.”

All right, maybe he deserved the rolled tea towel to the back of the head. But come on, how much more of this was he supposed to endure? All his colleagues thought themselves mini detectives, of the French, moustachy kind, ever-observant and all-knowing. They didn’t know shit. And they didn’t know him.

“He only ever comes when you’re working,” Mary insisted, snatching the barely-ready cup out of Draco’s hands. “He always leaves a very generous tip.”

“Yes, yes, he’s somewhat of a saint.”

“And he always sits at the closest table.”

“Perhaps,” Draco thrust down the next tray so loud she jumped, “perhaps I am an escaped convict. And he, a law enforcement officer trailing me around the world.”

Mary quirked an eyebrow, but remained silent. Chewed her lip for a moment before bursting. “Pfft, you? An escaped convict? With those cheeks?” Draco was so shocked, he didn’t even flinch when she pinched one said cheek. “Right, we need another latte.”

He swallowed the array of insults he was too stunned to let out, and made a latte as told. “I’m—not a nice man,” was all he managed, and even that cost a great deal in froth. The latte was ruined. Never mind.

“You don’t have to be nice to go on a date,” Mary huffed, albeit delicately. “With a good-looking guy who just happens to like your scrawny, thirsty ass.”

Right. Delicacy went out the window, he supposed. “I don’t… you don’t understand. He knows me. Has known me forever. And I wasn’t always…” he didn’t know how to explain it. I used to be the worst human being you could possibly imagine? I was a child, and he my nemesis, and we hated each other to our very bones? We suffered at the same hands, and managed to have entirely different traumatic experiences?

“Draco…”

Shit. Shit, shit, there was a reason he didn’t get into this at work, a reason he kept to himself and didn’t allow the others’ theories of Potter—

“Draco.”

“What?”

“He’s—here.”

Shit.

His non-moustached pet-detective was right. There came Potter, straight to them, straight to—shit—where Draco was gaping, over-frothing the next bloody cappuccino. Whatever. No one came here because they expected good coffee.

“Malfoy,” he greeted, pleasant as always.

Mary was grinning behind the till, the cow. “What can I get you?”

“Malfoy knows my order,” Potter said. Draco could murder him.

“Flat white, triple shot, oat milk.” He hated himself for knowing it. “Just—move, let me type it.” For all he knew, Mary would try and give Potter a discount. As if he ever paid for his coffee.

“I’ll just be at the back,” she sang, eyebrows flying everywhere with a vengeance. Leaving the two of them alone. Potter leaned against the counter, watching Draco at the coffee machine as though it were the most riveting sight.

“So…” he fiddled with a plastic lid. “How’s it going?”

Draco closed his eyes. Then opened when the milk started spluttering. “I’m a little busy.”

“Of course, of course.” But he wouldn’t get off the counter, and wouldn’t stop staring. “I’ve just come from another briefing. You are currently in Romania, somewhere in the Carpathians, it seems. Living with an injured, wild dragon.”

“Sounds like me,” Draco mumbled into the cup.

“That’s what I thought. They’re not going to send anyone—I’ve convinced them it’d be unwise. In case you, you know, managed to train it or something.”

“Uh, is anyone—”

“I’ll be right with you,” Draco said through gritted teeth to the suit at the queue. Then spared a half-smile to Potter. “I am somewhat of a natural. With bloodthirsty wild animals.”

He made a sound, not unlike choking. “Yes. So… that’s only to say, I think you’re okay. For now.”

“How very gallant of you to inform me.” Draco placed the cup on the tray and pushed it towards the bloody git. “Here’s your drink. Don’t you dare leave a tip this time. Everybody already suspects.”

“Suspect—what, exactly?” an interesting development, rosy-coloured high on his cheeks.

“That you’re… I don’t know. Something mad. That you fancy me, or something.” The way Potter’s mouth opened should have been unattractive, was certainly alarming. “Not that—it’s only because, well, you’re English too, and you keep coming, and… shit, it’s not—”

“I, er,” Potter didn’t take the coffee, but didn’t move away either. “I’d… I mean. Suppose it’s not so mad for them to think that.”

“It is,” Draco assured him. The queue in front of the till now consisted of four people. He didn’t look in their direction. “Entirely mad.”

“Not mad. C’mon, Malfoy.”

“You ‘come on’.”

“I just—” his hand sent forward, but didn’t make it. Draco backed away so fast he bumped into the coffee machine, set the steam growling. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—sorry.”

“You can’t just…”

“Excuse me?”

“He’ll be right with you!” Potter shouted the loudest. Draco closed his eyes again, unclenched his fists.

“We can’t talk here. It’s not…”

“You’re right. How about I meet you after your shift? Ends at five, right? I’ll come pick you up. We’ll go for a—”

“If you say coffee, I’ll strangle you.”

Potter, for whatever reason, laughed. “Dinner then. If that’s—is that okay?”

“Yes!” said a voice that wasn’t Draco’s. Mary was back, still grinning like an idiot. “Yes, he’ll go out with you. Five thirty, wear something slutty. What? You know you’d have said yes.”

“Would… would you?”

It was the uncertainty that made him speak. That look on Potter’s face, damn it. “Fine. Half five then. Don’t be late.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Draco ran to the backroom, before Mary got the chance to drown him in ‘I told you so’s.

#drarry #1k #coffee shop au #kind of #escaped convict? draco? beats me #meddling friends #pining and the lot of it #drarry fic #rockingrobin69

[changingplumbob]

I tried For Rent out, sorry if I'm late to the info party

Results and occurances below

I launched my photography save successfully... Next step, completely new save on a rental unit in Tomarang. The heck is Onboarding and why does it apply to this scenario????

Wait... there's only two rental units available in Tomarang? And the 2 bedroom has mold and spooky??? Yes I need a 2 bedroom because I'm also checking if the system can handle an infant on lot and if I can figure out water births because lat time I tried the midwife would not arrive.

Okay it handled me going in and out of cas, and switching to my internet browser a couple of times... I went into BB mode and changed the second bedroom. Game seems unfazed so far. I have played on fast speed here and there. Successfully traveled worlds.

New day new loading. A patch of mold showed up in this allegedly moldy residential rental. Time to investigate options! Can't call the landlord about it? Let's try calling and inviting the property owner to visit, see how they react to the mold.

Clicked invite in and... they're not coming inside. Mate you can't see the mold outside! Okay I found the ask to inspect menu... and the mold is not classified as an object, hmm. Alright let's walk past the mold to get to the couch, no reaction from landlord except to say its dust free?

Let's try complain about rental conditions, maybe he'll go deal with the mold? Oop, nope. He just dislikes us a little now. Time to have the pregnant sim clean the mold in front of him, will he react?

Na it's fine mate, you just chill and do nothing. This must be great for the fetus. I'll go get the husband to stop jogging. Well I cancelled the action but he's still jogging away... Now he's stopped. Back home, has he picked a great angle for TV viewing or what?

Second ob visit, we're expecting twin boys. Time to go visit the tiger sanctuary! Oh wait... no, you're kidding! The wife can't queue up a visit because the husband is inside? Are you serious right now? We can't visit as groups???

Back to waiting for the outdoor lights. Seriously outdoor light not properly illuminating is a pet peeve of mine. If they could make these ones work, why not make all outdoor lights turn on at the proper dusky time? The York's patio would like a word!

So we introduced ourselves to the neighbours and now they're crowding up our lounge... I didn't actually invite you in from the shared area! Now we're off to the ob for the final visit and they're still there!

Middle of the night, after poor husband got attacked by Vlad as if he doesn't have two infants on the way, explosive malfunction! Will the property owner come at 2:30 am? He will!

Oh dear, it's a crush because we ushered him inside wearing just our boxers isn't it? Uh, sir, the trash is not the problem! I asked you to go check the stove! Both sims have now asked him to check it. He decides he would rather do push ups in the rain. Y'all I closed for lunch and I'm back and FIRE TRAP! Do I dare press play?

I thought the property owner was finally fixing but he's standing by the stove complaining that it's broken instead... Now he's washing his hands?

WE LIVE IN THE SAME BUILDING but why not bless other sims with incoming infant shrieks?

I eventually selected to replace the stove, there was no repair option. It cost 1050 simoleons and the property owner gave us... 143 simoleons to cover it... But at least I can watch the neighbours walk from their door to mine with suitcases. Still waiting on the dilation and the stayover guests have got into a brawl with each other... It was the father and son in law. Oh and now the girl is jumping in trash...

Note to self, water birth involves midwife and not partner. Might use it for single sims but probably not my couples. Twins are born and I can cautiously say that For Rent doesn't appear to be glitching at the moment. Don't invite this family to stay over though, the unit now has four piles of trash from their antics.

#ramble ramble ramble #I went on a journey I tell you #Also are safety masks going to invade my game now

[tepli-mravenci]

hey homonoromo! a czech related question: how is it with queer acceptance in your country? preferrably in brno, haha. and especially about trans people? do you think it'd be possible for me to transition there? and how much would it cost in general? and do i have to get psych approval and wait in the queue for years or stuff like in the uk?

i know you're not a consultant or anything, i just don't know who to ask. also, i guess that's way more than one question

Aight so when it comes to acceptance it really comes to individual people but regarding transition there's a couple things to consider:

- according to law you are required (among other things) to get sterilized to complete your transition if you're transitioning fully from one binary gender to another (aka you want your personal documents say you're that gender and you want a name that's purely given to people of that gender), also there's no nonbinary option for the "full" transition, you either have M or F on your ID

- before you're allowed to start taking HRT you need to go to a therapist essentially, it really depends on WHERE exactly and WHO your therapist is and I don't know the Brno situation but there are forums (mostly on Facebook I think) where people discuss their experiences (also čumblr Brňáci might know more than me)

- this is also individual when it comes to how long you'll be waiting, how long they'll be examining you and how long it will take you to transition

- I'm not sure how MONEY works when you have a non-czech insurance company (since I have no idea how insurance works) but if you do have one that operates in the Czech republic they WILL pay for your transition as if it were any other medical treatment (there's of course examinations and shit that determine whether it will psychologically benefit you to receive that treatment), you should still check if your insurance covers these kinds of things tho

- during your examination period you're first required to "try out" presenting yourself socially as the gender you're transitioning to which includes using a gender neutral name

- a recent GOOD development here is that you can now change your name to a neutral one ANYTIME even if you're not "officially" transitioning! Here's a list of legally approved gender neutral names!

- there are invasive and unnecessary examinations that should not be mandatory for the transition but your therapist can still try to make you go through them, depends again on the specific one, it's also important to remember that the way trans people are diagnosed here is reportedly ancient and just...really stupid? (to quote what my classmate told me, they asked him things like "did you play with dolls or cars as a child?")

- if you are married (to someone of the opposite sex) or in a registered partnership (with someone of the same sex) pre-transition, you have to get divorced when you complete transition because they're not the same on a legal level

Trans*parent is a great Czech resource when it comes to transition and trans stuff in general

I am not sure how different it is with foreigners or even if you'd find a therapist who speaks english honestly. Don't quote me on this but you might need to get Czech citizenship first? But I really don't know.

If I said something stupid or inaccurate (or no longer relevant) here pls correct me!!

#čumblr #czech republic #czech #kvír #ask #č #česko

[seris-circle]

The Other Woman Pt. II

drew starkey x femreader

Warnings: ER, Pregnancy, Hospitalization, swearing

Sirens blared in the distance as you were wheeled through the emergency department doors. The paramedics were able to calm your nerves on the ride over and you were now nursing the oxygen like it was in unlimited supply. Because of the distress and grand entrance, you became the priority to the medical staff, entering a room immediately. As the nurses began connecting your monitors, your mother took it into her own hands to call drew with your phone, see if that sends a sense of urgency his way. It took about three tries but on the second ring of the third call, there was an answer…

Drew’s POV

The sounds of tourists, shop-goers, and mopeds surround me as I wait for the server to come back around with the food. The shoot was canceled for today, so I wanted to take as a day to just stay in due to the increasing Italian heat but Odessa convinced me to join her and tyler for lunch. I was a bit hesitant due to the call with y/n last night but I’ve spent a comfortable part of my downtime here alone so I might as well enjoy some company.

When we did arrive at the restaurant though, I realized my cell was dead so odessa offered to charge it for me. She took it and connected it to the wireless pod in her bag, keeping it from the sunlight. It wasn’t until after coming out of the bathroom that I heard my ringer go off. When I heard it though it sent me into an immediate panic because I have off for everyone except y/n and seeing as it is 2 am her time didn’t seem right. I walked over as quickly but as casually as possible. Finally reaching the table, i grabbed my phone out of odessa’s bag and answered it.

“Hello?” i answered with a slight confusion as to why y/n would be calling this early/late.

“Drew, this is y/m/n. Why the hell have you not answered your phone?” she said in the most stern mother-in-law tone you could imagine.

“What do mean? Who’s been calling?” I responded, looking down at my notification queue and seeing 5 missed calls from danica and 2 from y/n. “Aw, I just saw. My phone was on silent for everyone except of y/n and i’ve been out to lunch. What's going on?”

“Good to know you still have some priority over your family, but you're going to have to cut that little lunch date short, y/n in the hospital, its the baby.” she continued on the other line.

“What? What do you mean, its too early for anything to be happening?” I began to become frantic over the line.

“That's what we all thought but guess not. So get on the earliest flight you can find before I fly over there myself and get you here because my baby will not go through this without the person that put her in this whole situation.” y/m/n basically was screaming under that whisper at this point.

“Ye- yeah. I’ll see you soon” I choked out. She scoffed before speaking up again, but I hung up without even realizing it. This can’t be happening. I’m not ready, its not time. The baby isn’t ready. My sweet angel can’t come yet, I have to be there to see her and hold y/n hand as she does. y/n. She’s all alone. She can’t do this all alone, without me. I don’t think i could forgive myself. I gather my thoughts and bring myself back to the conversation.

“I need to go now… here’s 20 for my portion of the bill and tell the kitchen crew to toss my food,” I said with slight panic in my tone. I shuffled to put my wallet back in my bag while the others just stared.

“Why the rush, we haven’t even gotten our food yet?” Odessa said. I looked down at her and thought.

“It's y/n. Why didn’t you answer my phone when it rang… twice?” I questioned. She just smirked and shrugged with a sense of guilt. “You know what, it doesn’t matter now. Right now I have to go catch the first flight out to LA before my daughter is born. Bye, thank you for coming, enjoy the city” I tried to get out as I maneuvered my way out of the restaurant.

As soon as i got to my apartment, i booked the first flight out not even realizing I had an hour to catch it. I grabbed all of my “necessities” and booked it out to my uber.

Regular POV

You sat in the small hospital room, strapped up to monitors, and bump out. The doctors had taken the oxygen and gave you something to relieve the stress and calm you down.

“Mamaaaa” you whined out to your mother who was walking back in from her phone call.

“What's up sweetheart?” your mother asked, joining you by your side.

“Where’s drew? Did you get a hold of him?” you said.

“Yes, he is on his way. Don’t worry, I already tore him a new one so don’t stress about yelling at him.” She smiled back at you. You held her hand and had a moment of comfort before a doctor came in.

“Hello hello. I am Dr. Hoffman” the white-coated gentleman introduced himself with a welcoming hand. He proceeded to examine you until speaking up again. “So your scans and blood came back good so nothing too wrong but you are in labor. Baby is in a good position but you are only 2 cm dilated. I’m going to admit you through until you are ready and then we can get this baby out. We will have someone to move you up to our maternity unit and get you more privacy.” Hoffman finished and walked out.

You began to cry, from the pain and the fact that you’re all alone. You have to endure this for however long it takes your body to dilate another 8 cm. Though you were way too emotional from all of that, you knew to not get too worked up because of the stress it would topple onto the pile that your body was already under.

Drew’s POV

Hours have passed and my flight was done. Those 13 hours were horrible. A middle seat between a woman with a crying baby and a guy that slept the whole time. I know it was last minute and all but I feel that the baby was a sign. The worst flight of my life was because of something that I was going into myself, parenthood. You could say it was karma too for not answer my phone. I know how y/n feels about Odessa and sometimes I feel that Odessa’s jealous of me and y/n but I still keep her around. I was pissed at her last night for getting completely obliterated and interrupting y/n and I but I let it go but this afternoon was something else. I felt somewhere deep down she did it purposely. Because of her I could’ve missed the birth of my child and left y/n all by herself. I still could do that because of how late I am.

As soon as I got off that plane, I ran though LAX and outside to get an Uber. I’m running on no sleep, jet lag, and the stress of becoming a parent at any moment. Anyone who gets in my way or even near to delaying me any more would get no mercy.

“LA General and step on it please, I’m about to have a baby” I sort of demanded as I stepped into the Uber. The driver looked at me with sympathy and did as he was told. Hopefully I can make it, time is slipping away.

Regular POV

“Fuuuck!” You screamed out as you reached the end of the hallway. The doctors had you walking for the last 11 hours to get you to 10 cm. What they didn’t do is give you any meds that you felt were working. The contractions were now 2 minutes apart and you felt like this baby was about to fall out of your vagina. You stood crouched in the corner with your mom’s hand in yours. Danica had to leave due to not being immediate family and drew was still no where to be seen.

“Sweetheart… it’s ok, just keeping breathing. I will go get the doctor” your mother reassured as she left you there basically dry heaving from the pain induced nausea. Seconds later you were brought back to your room.

“Guess what mama, you’re about to have your baby. You’re at 9cm which means we can start pushing” your labor and deliver nurse said with a smile. You smiled through your pain but it wasn’t all there. You still didn’t have drew by your side and the baby was a bit to be born.

Minutes later you were all set up and getting ready to push. You did it without an epidural too because it had worn off and it was too late for them to administer another.

“Ready y/n, on three I want you to push with all your strength.” The OB said. You looked at your mom, squeezed her hand and nodded. “1….2…3 push!” You screamed a wide push out. She had you continue. The pain so bad you thought you could have passed out.

When you swore that you were about to black out completely, a larger hand took yours. Slightly callused yet soft. A hand you could know from anywhere. You opened your eyes and were met with Drew’s.

“I told you I would miss this.” Drew said softly tearing up slightly with a smile. You smiled back and held on to his hand tightly.

You let a couple more pushes out and then all you heard were the soft cries of your babygirl.

“It’s a girl! Congratulations mom and dad, she’s gorgeous” the OB said with a smile. The baby was brought to your chest and you and drew took in this moment together. Kissing each other for the first time in weeks with your baby. You both cried so hard, but they were all happy tears. So happy that you had forgave Drew’s late behavior.

“I love you so much” drew said smiling at you. You didn’t say anything, all you did was kiss him.

It had been a couple hours since the baby was born. You were sleeping as drew sat with the baby. You woke up turning to face him. He was sitting there in awe staring at the mini you, rocking back and forth. You knew that he was more in love with her than he would ever be with you and that made you the happiest you had ever been. As you sat up completely, he noticed bringing the newborn towards you. The three of you were together until your mother had walked in with Danica.

“ hello hello hello! My little girl with her little girl” she said coming towards you. She be at done to kiss your cheek.

“Soooo, what is the little bug’s name?” Danica asked looking back and forth between you and drew. You looked at drew, nodding him off to let him say the honors.

“Well… we would like you to meet Isabel Eva Starkey” drew said with the biggest smile. Danica and your mother cried happy tears as they came and hugged you both.

As your stay lasted for the next few days, you welcomed friends and family from both side. You were content now. You had your own little family now and to have drew be apart of that was all you needed.

The End

A/N: I’m so sorry this came out late. I’ve been so swamped with work and genuinely mentally drained. This may not be good because it all just came to me at once and I struggled to organize it. Hopefully you like it and thank you for reading!!!

Tagged: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @one-sweet-gubler @runningfrom2am @ayoanna @crazyf0robx @brooklynscherry-z @ireadficsthenifallasleep @simpfomarvel @willowalexissss

#drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #outerbanks rafe #obx s3 #rafe cameron #drew starkey imagine #drama #rafe x reader #drew x y/n

[justice-flonne]

Twitter and the death of Media Literacy

As the original post now has reblogs turned off before this post came out of the queue, looks like I have to make my own

Lemme tackle picture number 2 first. Number one, what the HELL do you mean "normal mentally ill [woman]"?? There's no such thing. There's not even such a thing as normal non-mentally ill. Everyone is different and has different reactions and symptoms. and number two: where the fuck do you get off calling the author a sex pest for the "crime" of exploring her options in brothels (well, i guess maybe it is a crime, i forget how japan's laws are, but still. i better not hear you demanding more rights for sex workers while indirectly demeaning their jobs, ya nitwit)? Being gay (or even just non-conforming, and that's not even just about gender) in Japan, while not as bad as say, the Middle East, is not exactly a walk in the park. She probably at the time of writing didn't have many options, and everybody explores their sexuality in different ways. It's really messed up that you're calling the author a sex pest for describing her life, especially since she did nothing wrong (as in, her encounters were all consensual. again, don't fully know the laws regarding brothels there. i think it's a "we'll pretend we didn't see that" scenario)

This also kinda ties into the downright dangerous idea that an lgbt+ person, lesbians especially, can only be an innocent pure being. that kind of thinking can and HAS gotten people into horrible abuse scenarios

As for the "incest"... whoo boy, this is gonna be long:

Now, I have actually read this manga, and I can cite the pages with the supposed "incest" mentioned in the first pic. I'd elaborate, but I'm admittedly quite bad at that, so I'll let the comic speak for itself:

(forgive me if there's any errors in the alt text. it's late 😭)

As you can see, the author does not LITERALLY want to fuck her mother. She has childhood issues from not enough affection (elaborated elsewhere in the book, but I'm tired. read it yourself. i got these pages from a definitely legal website, so can you), and wants to be held and coddled. She even straight up says what she feels is abnormal and yearns for a woman NOT RELATED TO HER to do things with. She KNOWS what she feels is strange and wants to (and eventually DOES) grow from this. I could post more images, but i'm probably pushing my luck as is

Point is, you "adults" really, REALLY need to learn that depiction is not the same as endorsement. Not everything is as cut and dry as the Marquis de Sade. This is, as the damn title says, the author's experience with loneliness as a result of growing up with an emotionally distant mother in a society that is markedly different than America

please, PLEASE, learn to think critically, and i mean "critical" in a "english class analysis" kind of way (for lack of a better term), not a "this thing you like is bad and it offends me" "critical." It's alright to be uncomfortable with things and even to not like things, hell I myself am a HUGE hater, but please, don't throw a tantrum because a real person wasn't a smol bean like you hoped

holy shit i need to go to bed

#my lesbian experience with loneliness #nagata kabi #media illiteracy #mental illness #abuse #we're all living in amerika #good grief #lgbt #twitter #this is at least partly due to the tumblr exodus so it's not fair to pin it all on twitter #but i'm gonna anyway

[dangermousie]

Oh, brother...aka keeping it in the (royal) family

I recently realized that for some reason “multiple brothers one girl” seems to be a popular category in costume dramas. I am not sure why such sharing is necessary in a polygamous society for fancy royals each of whom can get himself a whole harem, but I am not complaining that it appears any remake of the Hollywood classic “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” would clearly be changed into “One Bride for Seven Brothers, and Some of the Brothers Spit Blood and Die” if it were a cdrama. Here are some of the dramas at issue. 

Liu Shi Shi appears to be the queen of this subgenre to such an extent that I am vaguely wondering if it’s in her contract. We are gonna start with THREE of her dramas:

Bu Bu Jing Xin - Liu Shi Shi has not one, not two, but THREE hot royal brothers, played by Nicky Wu, Kevin Cheng and Lin Gengxin, pine for her time-traveling self. Since this is an exquisite (no, seriously, it’s amazing) period piece about loss and longing, she ends up with none of them, instead of a hot vagely-’cesty gangbang as one might expect from that set-up.

Lost Love in Times - poor Liu Shi Shi, she’s a sexy witch having to pick between William Chan and his shady brother Joe Xu. To make it even trippier, the two actors look like each other, to really hammer the whole “siblings want her” theme.

The Imperial Doctress - why bust what’s not broken? It’s the true and tried Liu Shi Shi and hot royal brothers formula. She’s a doctor who spends most of her time practicing medicine, escaping barbarians and creating feminism, not noticing that as she pines for one royal brother played by Huang Xuan, another royal brother, played by infinitely hotter Wallace Huo, is pining for her.

Gong/Jade Palace Lock Heart - if Liu Shi Shi is the queen of that set up, Feng Shao Feng is the king, what with this and Military Seal, both of which star Yang Mi. Clearly, there are worse ways to make a career than stealing Yang Mi from a royal brother. Here, Yang Mi is a spunky time traveler in the middle of Kang Xi’s sons’ fight for the throne. She first falls for Four but ends up with Eight. In between, she offers to bang Four to save Eight as one does. Gives a whole new meaning to sharing is caring and “have you brought enough for the entire class?”

Legend of the Military Seal - Yang Mi and FSF strike again. FSF is madly in love with his brother’s wife, and since she’s not afflicted by blindness, she shares his feelings. Surprisingly, but delightfully, happy ending ensues. 

Who Rules the World - more like which brother rules awesome Zhao Lusi’s heart. Going by the rule of “hottest brother wins,” Yang Yang gets the girl in a drama that is pretty yum yum.

Colourful Bone - one hot seriously whumped out royal brother and one whiny immature one, oh who should the heroine pick? This drama stands for the proposition that you should protect and save abused people, especially if they are hot men, since they will always turn out to be an emperor in disguise. This drama btw is one giant kinkfest for yours truly.

The Eternal Love - you could make THREE whole seasons out of timetravel and brothers into the same girl, who knew.

Dreaming Back to the Qing Dynasty - if you’ve seen Gong or BBJX, you know the drill. Horde of queued brothers queueing for the heroine.

(Mine and all my brothers’, that is -Ed.)

Princess Jieyou - Yuan Hong narrowly escaped the curse of fancying his brother’s woman in BBJX, being about the only sibling not in love with LSS in that one. But clearly, you can’t fight fate and shortly thereafter he’s got to be a sister-in-law luster in a drama of his very own. He is a barbarian general who falls in love with a woman only to discover she’s to marry his brother. Angst and deliciousness and eventual happy ending (the husband fulfilled the uglier brother’s duty by eventually kicking the bucket.)

The Promise of Chang’an - if you want to watch brothers with the same woman but no happy ending, and have already watched BBJX, I present this recent drama where Cheng Yi gets to, as always, suffer beautifully watching the woman he loves marry his annoying brother. Pretty much everyone dies at the end of this one, going off to a great big threesome in the sky.

Twisted Fate of Love - will Sun Yi pick the delicate Tan Jianci or the sexy as fuck bastard that is Jin Han? Being a smart woman, she picks the latter and my hormones rejoice.

Go Princess Go - this is a drama that parodied every cliche there is, so why not brothers into one woman? Who is actually a man in a woman’s body making it even more delightful!

Ashes of Love - even being divine, with women from three separate realms available will seemingly not prevent love interests being a scarce resource leading to sibling love rivalry. Deng Lun and Luo Yunxi duke it out ostensibly for Yang Zi but in reality for who can suffer more prettily. Deng Lun might get the girl, but LYX wins the suffering crown, so it all more or less evens out.

Princess Silver - are siblings in love with the same woman not spicy enough for you? How about TWINS in love with the same woman? One awesome (Aarif Rahman) and one psychotic (Jing Chao) want our heroine and both marry her at one point. Only the awesome one gets to bang her though. (But the psychotic one gets to stick meathooks through his brother in compensation for not being able to stick...ummm...meathook through the heroine, so it’s all OK.)

Secret of the Three Kingdoms - and now we are gonna go REAL PERV! If twins are not enough for you, seekers of strong sensations, how about IDENTICAL twins? Ma Tianyu replaces his dead identical twin brother as the last Han emperor and gets to woo Wan Qian (whose plan it was in the first place.) At least she doesn’t need to get used to a new face?

We are gonna end here and not get into father and son sharing the same woman a la Empress of China.

(Congrats to Aarif Rahman for getting to bang both his brother’s and his father’s wives on screen. That is an interesting niche.)

#cdrama #secret of the three kingdoms #princess silver #empress of china #twisted fate of love #jade palace lock heart #lost love in times #the imperial doctress #bu bu jing xin #ashes of love #princess jieyou #the promise of chang'an #legend of the military seal #colourful bone #dreaming back to the qing dynasty #go princess go #who rules the world #the eternal love

[genericpuff]

This might be a dumb question but what time zone are you in? I want to know because you are the most active blog on my dash so I want to know approximately what times you normally post 😅

I'm in the timezone that exists that no one knows exists because most people assume EST is as far east as it gets LMAOO Atlantic Standard Time, meaning as I'm posting this, it's 11 PM AST, 10 PM EST, and 6 PM PST. I've had to get so used to memorizing time zone differences after posting to so many webcomic platforms that wouldn't automatically convert them LMAO (a lot of platforms default to PST if they don't convert).

That said, I'm not bound to the laws of time zones as I'm very much a night owl, I'm lucky to even get up at noon nowadays ＼(º □ º l|l)/ So knowing the timezone I'm in is unfortunately not a guarantee of when I'll actually be posting LMAOO I do tend to queue up posts though (esp if I'm responding to asks), so usually my page will start posting stuff around 9 AM EST and put up something new every few hours. That's only if I'm queuing stuff though, a lot of the time I'm also just posting when I feel like it lol I don't tend to post much after midnight here though so usually you can expect me to stop posting for the day by 11 PM EST (or 7 PM PST). So this is likely going to be my last post for the day until tomorrow morning when I have more stuff queued up <3

#ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama

[mingos]

@chatcambrioleur ❤️'d for a loaded question.

　　❝ is all that hoarded beri meant to fill some sort of void? ❞

#chatcambrioleur #❛ && your dream turned into a nightmare when i crawled inside it. ❜ (v. king of dressrosa/warlord era) #(loaded questions) #❛ 'what am i going to queue with law'? ❜ (queue)

[bomberqueen17]

what fresh hell

ugh so remember that post about my thumb and cellulitis

well i finished the ten-day course of antibiotics onnnnn July 27th, I've just counted it out now.

Yesterday, August 4th, I noticed a mosquito bite on my hand was exceptionally itchy. By the afternoon I had narrowed down that it was on the same thumb where I'd had the infected cut. By evening i was starting to suspect that it was not a mosquito bite, because the other bites I'd received that day had all calmed down and this one was only itching more.

This morning, August 5th, it is distinctly swollen, with a darker red patch at the center of the almost-blister. It is radiating pain out to the main joint of my thumb and around the back of my hand. This is not a mosquito bite. There was no reinjury. This is the infection recurring at the initial site, apropos of nothing as far as I can tell.

I am deeply unimpressed with the situation. I guess I'll try Urgent Care. Of course I'm 300 miles away from my primary care physician.

Upsettingly, when I went to google maps and typed in Urgent Care, it was clearly displaying me paid results-- only facilities from one particular company showed up, including closed sites. I was thinking of a specific one, so I scrolled manually on the map to the site where I know it was, and it showed me the neighboring businesses, so I zoomed in and zoomed in and zoomed in until finally it showed me the name of the urgent care where I'd been before-- which, I might add, had a name that contained the syllables "urgent care" spelled correctly, which the company it was preferentially showing does not-- and even then the name it showed me, that I had specifically zoomed in for, was not clickable and i had to go and manually type it into the search bar.

To discover that yes, that site does open today, in about an hour. So I think I'll go there, even though they get mixed reviews and didn't do a fantastic job on my stitches when I was there in April. (According to Google. You last visited in April. You don't think my search algorithm should show me places I've visited when I search for that thing again? *cough* Could it be any more transparently not an algorithm for my benefit?) They did fine, and that's all I care about really, and also if they say "this is outside our abilities" like the urgent care in Buffalo did when i showed up with the cellulitis streaking down my arm, the nearest hospital is much closer to that one than to the place Google wants me to go.

IDK I just feel like there shouldn't be manipulation of urgent healthcare results that make you travel farther. I honestly feel like there shouldn't be paid placement in maps at all, especially not ads that unsafely disrupt your use of a thing you're meant to use while driving, but obviously I do not make laws. But really, hiding the closest urgent care, to which I've been before, from me when I searched for it is a bit much, don't you think?

Anyway I'm throwing this into the queue and if I know anything more before it posts I'll update-- oh yes, update, the urgent care PA first wanted me to try allergy meds for a possible insect bite despite how large and swollen this was, but then i took off my watch and discovered that it is streaking down my wrist again, and she believed me then that it's a recurrence of the infection. she prescribed me the kind of antibiotic that makes you allergic to the sun, but if it gets any worse I have to go to the ER to get a culture from it to find out what kind of critter it is that's definitely haunting me.

Official diagnosis: Haunted Thumb

#about the author #fresh hells

[bookish-whore]

Home

Cassian x Sister!Reader

Words: 3.6k

Warnings: discussions of past trauma, wing clipping, allusions to SA, Angst with a happy ending. If some of those topics make you uncomfortable do not interact with this post!

A/N: Based on this request! My asks are open so feel free to send me requests and if you've sent one already just know I have it in the queue! Love you all <3

--------------------------------------------------

I was nervous, I wrung my hands together as I approached the house looking up the steps of a seemingly never-ending staircase. I guess the tales about the ten thousand steps of the house of wind wasn’t an exaggeration. As I contemplated my decision in coming here, a winged male appeared silently behind me.

“Are you y/n?” he softy asked

I jumped at the low baritone of his voice, and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was his short black hair tousled, his hazel eyes studying me as I turned to face him.

“I am” I said tentatively “and you are?”

“My apologies, my name is Azriel.” the male said, the blue siphons on his leathers gleaming in the morning sun.

“I knew you were coming today. To be honest we all know, and I thought I would winnow you up to the house. You know so you don’t spend hours walking up the steps.” Azriel said

“That’s really nice of you. Should I- hold on to you or something? I’ve never winnowed before” I admit to the male

“Don’t worry about it, I got you” He said with a smile, taking a step toward me gently wrapping an arm around my torso “Fair warning, you might feel a slight tug, that is totally normal” he said and we disappeared suddenly emerging in an ornate but cozy sitting room.

I looked around the room taking note of the roaring fire in the hearth. The room was decorated with a lovely assortment of dark colors and on one wall floor to ceiling bookshelves. There were two couches and an assortment of chairs throughout the room. It was then that I noticed a woman sitting on one of the chairs. She was beautiful and poised, her golden-brown hair done with an intricate braid, like a crown atop her head the rest of her hair in a bun. Her blue-grey eyes piercing as my gaze met hers. She stood, making her way across the room to me.

“Hello y/n, my name is Nesta” she said “Cassian is my mate and husband”

“Hello” I said tentatively “Umm thank you for having me, your home is lovely, at least what I have seen of it so far”

“Thank you” she said with a small smile “Look y/n, I’m sure you’re nervous about all this, but I want to make you as comfortable as I can. Cassian is- well you’ll see how he is. He may come off rude at first, but I think he is just as nervous as you are”

“That’s such a relief” I said “I feel so out of my element here”

“I think he and Azriel are on the roof, why don’t you follow me and I’ll bring you up” she said

“Thank you Nesta, you have been so kind and patient with me, you have no idea how much it means.”

“You are my sister-in-law” she said with a smile “I think it’s the least I can do”

We made our way out of the sitting room, I followed a few steps behind Nesta as we made out way up to the stairs, where I would meet my brother. My Brother, for the first time. I had to admit, I was terrified.

--------------------------------------------------

“What am I going to say Az?” Cassian asked as he punched the mitts covering Azriel’s hands. Practicing his punches an attempt to clear his head, and his nerves from the impending meeting.

“Just be yourself Cass” Azriel said “She is your sister for gods sake”

“Half-sister” Cassian corrected “Either way I can’t believe I have a half-sister”

“Still your sister Cass. And she seems nice, nervous maybe, but she was pleasant” Az said

“What do I even say to her?” Cassian asked

“I don’t know Cass, just get to know her. Ask about what she has been doing all these years. See if you have common interests, talk about yourself if you get desperate” the shadowsinger said

“I mean what has she been doing all this time?” Cassian said “I just think it’s suspicious that she found me now I mean do you think she wants something? That she found out I was successful, that my brother-in-law is the High Lord, and she knows he is wealthy and wants money or something?”

“Maybe don’t say that to her, perhaps its just taken a while for her to build up the nerve to find you. give her the benefit of the doubt Cass” Azriel said

“I��ll try” he replied. The door to the roof opening slowly as you emerged into the space. Azriel made his way over uttering a polite greeting before heading downstairs leaving Cassian alone with you. As you approached him, he had to admit, he was terrified.

--------------------------------------------------

Cassian was not what I was expecting, he had long dark hair pulled into a loose bun he, like Azriel had seven siphons, only his were a deep red, and he was so tall. Cassian practically towered over me, his wings powerful and poised behind him. I couldn’t help but feel immense shame over my own wings, scarred and broken from my time with my father. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and never emerge. I plastered a smile onto my face and emerged the male.

“Hello, I’m y/n” I said nervously, my voice shakier than I intended

“And I’m Cassian…but you probably already knew that” he said pinching the bridge of his nose “I don’t really know how to do…this” he said gesturing between our bodies

“That makes two of us” I replied

“I must admit I have a few questions for you” Cassian said

“I’m an open book, ask away” I said

“How did you find out about me” he asked

“My mother- or our mother” I quickly corrected “She was very ill, when she told me that I had a half-brother and that he was a Carynthian warrior. When she died, I found out that she- she left a letter, to you and to me, and in mine, she told me about this place, about Velaris, and how I could find you here.”

“Why- why did you choose now to seek me out?”

“Well, after the war I finally had the opportunity. So many of the Illyrian males didn’t return from the battle with Hybern so patrols were light, and I snuck away and made it here”

“Glad the war and all those lives lost was convenient for you” he snapped

“That’s not what I-”

“People died you know, people dear to me, dear to my mate. The war shouldn’t be considered a convenient opportunity for your own personal gain” he seethed

“Cassian that’s-” I tried to say

“And furthermore, how do I even know that what you said is true? You could be here after my mate, her sisters, my brother-in-law and his money, my money, the notoriety associated with us.”

“I wouldn’t have-”

“You know I think-” he paused “ I think that you are nothing but an entitled, greedy, petulant child. You know nothing about the realities of the world. You must be living in some alternate reality if you think you can just show up here and expect us to bond over a dead woman.”

“This was clearly a mistake” I said turning towards the door, attempting to hide the tears building in my eyes.

“Clearly” Cassian said “You can fly back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave me and my family alone. don’t show your face here ever again” he snarled before shooting up into the air and disappearing from sight. I made my way to the door of the roof, flinging the door open and running down the stairs. I practically tripped over Nesta in the hall.

“Woah, woah, y/n are you alright?” she asked putting her hands on my shoulders, her eyes looking frantically over me “what happened?” she asked her voice soft and comforting.

“It was a mistake coming here” I said, the tears beginning to fall from my eyes “I was so stupid to think that we would have anything in common, to think that we could have any kind of relationship. I- I’m leaving, and you can tell him that I won’t bother him ever again.”

“y/n- wait” Nesta pleaded “come have tea with me and we can talk, just us…I- I don’t want you leaving here so upset.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes, nodding my head in agreement and letting the female lead me to a small library, the door almost hidden in an alcove, this must be her private library, I thought as she summoned a tray of tea and cakes. I took a seat on one of the plush sofas and she sat opposite of me.

After a few minutes of silence Nesta spoke “You don’t have to tell me anything you aren’t comfortable with y/n, but what- what happened?”

I knew she wasn’t lying; she wouldn’t press me to talk about anything I wasn’t comfortable with. But something about her openness to talk, and her willingness to listen made me want to open up to her. So, I told her everything, from the beginning. She nodded along as I told her my story, sometimes she would look away and bring her hand to her eyes to wipe away a stray tear but nevertheless, she maintained her composure through it all offering me silent touches of comfort as I cried but continued until everything was laid bare. Once I was finished, she moved to sit next to me bringing an arm around my shoulder. I turned to her pulling her into a hug, she grasped me tightly.

“Cassian was completely out of line” she said softly as she pulled away

“He has a point; I was a coward and stayed away all these years because I was afraid. He has been through so much and I can’t imagine what this must be like for him, how difficult it would be for me to show up this living reminder of his traumatic childhood”

“You have been through a lot too y/n, you can’t excuse him for this behavior because of his past. I know all about his mother, and I have helped him through some of that guilt but what he said to you. The assumptions he made about you and what you have been through without knowing anything, he acted out of anger and resentment. Believe me, he will come to regret it. I know he has this rough exterior, but he really is sweet and caring and once he gets over himself, he is going to make it up to you. Especially if I have anything to say about it” Nesta said

“I really appreciate all of this Nesta” I said softly “but I think I should go, and I have to get back to the inn to work the dinner service”

“Of course, and don’t worry about Cassian; I’ll talk to him y/n” Nesta said “and you are welcome here anytime. I mean it. Whether or not Cass likes it you are my sister-in-law and I intend to have whatever relationship you are comfortable with”

“Thank you” I say pulling the female into another tight embrace before walking out of the library towards the front door. I was surprised to find Azriel in the hall, he was polite and offered to winnow me back to Velaris and I didn’t turn him down I wasn’t thrilled about the idea of walking ten thousand steps. Once in the city I made the walk to the Inn and began my shift for the night trying to forget the events of the day.

--------------------------------------------------

After you left, Nesta stormed into her and Cassian’s bedroom her icy rage boiling under the surface of her regal features.

“Cassian, you know I love you but what the hell is your problem?” Nesta asked the male lounging in one of the oversized chairs within the space.

“You don’t even know what she has been through, you know nothing about her because you acted like an ass and dismissed her before she walked through the door. You didn’t even try.”

“Sure, I tried” Cassian said “She didn’t want to be here, simple as that. Nes, this works both ways she knew about me LONG before I knew about her.”

“Is that what this is about? This resentment that she knew you existed? Do you even know what she went through all these years? What it took for her to come here and face you?” Nesta asked

 “Years? Nes, try hundreds of years” Cassian said, “She knew all this time and chose now?”

“She only just got away” Nesta practically screamed “You have been acting as if she lived this cushy life and leisurely decided one day to find you. she trekked here over the course of months. On Foot. She made it to Velaris a month ago and has been staying at an inn recovering because she wanted to make a good impression. She spends all her free time working at the inn to pay back her debt to the innkeeper for letting her stay because she had nothing. She had nothing and exchanged her labor for a place to sleep because she wouldn’t dare ask you for anything.”

Cassian looked at his mate, her eyes swirling with that passion that he loved so much about her. Remaining silent while she continued.

“And when you meet her for the first time you accuse her of wanting money from you, of being a privileged brat? Do you know what she endured in those camps after your mother died? Did you even notice the scars Cass? She told me after your conversation with her about how her father dragged her out of bed in the middle of the night, how he and other males held her down and mutilated her. How they clipped her wings” Nesta made her way to Cassian sitting on his lap as she continued

“There were so many other stories Cass, those males…what she told me” she shook her head “They treated her as nothing more than their property, she was defiled, abused, mutilated, and humiliated. You need to find a way to make this right”

Cassian looked deep in thought “What inn is she staying at?” he asked softly wrapping his arms around Nesta.

Nesta smiled at her mate, kissing him deeply before telling him. He stood, scooping her in his arms and placing her on the bed as he retreated to the door. “I’m going to fix this Nes” he promised

“You’d better” she said, reaching for a book on her nightstand as Cassian disappeared into the night.

--------------------------------------------------

I was so stupid, I thought bringing my legs to my chest as I cried, letting out all the emotions from earlier, from my failed conversation with Cassian. My past.

I cried until I lost track of time.

“There’s obviously nothing here for me” I whispered to myself before I made my way to the closet grabbing the empty bag stashed there.

A gentle knock sounded at my door

“Just a moment” I called, putting my empty bag on my bed as I made my way to the door. As I opened it my eyes widened as I registered it was Cassian on the other side.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving” I said leaving the door open as I made my way back to my bag to pack my few belongings. Wiping my tears from my eyes.

“Can I come in?” Cassian asked, I nodded as he stepped across the threshold closing the door behind him.

“Our mother asked one thing of me. That when she died, I would find you and give this letter to you. so here” I said pushing the letter against his chest. “her dying wish has been fulfilled”

He took a step back, holding the weathered paper to his chest before slowly bringing it to his eye level to read it. I watched as his eyes scanned the paper taking in every line, his eyes becoming glassy as he went over the words from our late mother. I had read the letter, many times over the years when I needed direction, whenever I contemplated how to find him and what I would say when I did. I suddenly felt a pang in my chest at the thought that his was all he had ever gotten from her. The only connection to this woman who connected us to each other.

“She was really proud of you, Cassian” I said softly, his silver lined eyes met mine as I continued with one of the few happy stories of our mother “There was one time, at the camp. We were both so tired. The males were ruthless and had made us work for 72 hours straight. I was normally in the kitchen but one of the other laundresses had just given birth, so I was helping her with the laundry. I remember our hands were raw from constantly being in the cold water and from scrubbing the fabrics.” I smiled at the memory “she looked at me and she said that she had gotten a letter from a close friend that someone dear to her had finished the blood rite and was deemed a Carynthian, I think it was one of the happiest times I had ever seen her. After she passed I was taken to another camp and- well I think you know some of the rest”

“y/n…” Cassian said “I- I am so sorry, I had no idea about- about what you went through there in that place and-”

“Cass-” I began

“Please let me get through this” he begged, I nodded for him to continue. “I made an assumption about you, and what your life was like, and I have never been so wrong. You were tortured and violated by males, males I grew up with and I just- I can’t believe that you let me go on like I did and let me say those things to you. You had every right to hate those males, to wish they wouldn’t return. I mean I’m not one to speak on revenge I slaughtered the entire camp when I returned to find our mother had died. I don’t regret what I did at all but- I shouldn’t have reacted as I did.”

“Its alright Cassian” I reassured him “I understand”

“And- and- I really do want us to know each other, we have spent so many years apart already. So, y/n if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I will spend eternity making it up to you.” Cassian said

“Cassian- there is nothing to forgive” I took his hands in mine, making eye contact with him not caring about the tears in my eyes “You were hurt, and you lashed out like we all do. I can’t blame you for making assumptions about my life or why I’m here when I am a stranger. You have a mate; you have a family and you wanted to protect them”

“But you’re my family too” his own eyes lined with tears as he clutched my hands tightly in response

“Only by blood” I said softly

“Nesta already adores you, she practically dragged me here herself and she hates most people.” I couldn’t help but giggle at that, but he continued “Y/n I want you to be my family, I want you to meet the rest of my family and I want you to move-in with Nesta and I, at the House of Wind”

My eyes widened at the ask, as if sensing my hesitation Cassian spoke again “There is a lovely kitchen, training ring, garden and countless libraries and the house is magic; it can fetch you anything you like and I just, I wasn’t able to help you or our mother for so many years but I would like to now…if you’ll let me.”

“Cassian I-”

“And Azriel and I could train you, Nesta has this group, the Valkyries and you could join them if you like and-”

“CASSIAN” I shouted to get the males attention, he closed his mouth

“You don’t have to convince me…I would love to come with you” I said, he smiled in response I saw so much of our mother in his smile.

“We can go now, if you want” he said

“Sure, let me just grab my things” I said stuffing my few belongings into the bag on the bed. Cassian and I walked to the base of the House of Wind getting to know each other with small conversations. He told me about meeting Rhys and Azriel, and about Nesta, he really adored her. When we reached the house, he flew us up the ten thousand steps. When we walked through the foyer of the House, I noticed Nesta descending the stairs to greet us.

“You’re back” she said, and Cassian took her hand as he brought her over a large grin plastered on his face.

“Nes, this-” he said taking a shaky breath “This is my little sister y/n”

Nesta smiled pulling me into a hug “Welcome home y/n” she said. It was then that I registered it, after all these years of being alone and having no one…

I was home.

--------------------------------------------------

Thank you for Reading <3

--------------------------------------------------

#cassian x nesta #cassian x reader #sister!reader #cassian x sister!reader #fluff #acotar fanfictih #on #acotar fanfic #acotar series #azriel shadowsinger #bookish-whore

[nicistrying]

Monday 24th July

Saw Barbie with my sister in law yesterday! We loved it. I was kinda devastated we couldn't get photos in the box bc the queue was so big but I guess I'll just have to go and see it again 🤷🏼‍♀️ so that was a nice little break for both of us bc we are both stressed af.

I'm working night shift tonight so got up at 5 and stretched, fed Mags, had breakfast and worked out. I did full body as I didn't want to just do legs and fuck myself up for the rest of the week at work but I also didn't want to do arms & back and look weak in front of the contractors tonight bc you know they're all gonna be men 😂 I need to look somewhat capable bc being 4ft10 and looking about 16 makes me look like I should not be supervising. So just did a bit of all sorts to tire myself out. It felt so good!

Although yeah I did a few weighted bits that felt a little off and then remembered the 'stay out of the gym' section of the IUD info leaflet. Woops 😬 no pain or major discomfort though so I think it's okay. Isn't it insane what the human body bounces back from? Like 5 days ago I was laid up on the couch almost crying in pain and super tender and crampy and faint. Went back to work the next day and now am so back to normal that I did a full workout completely forgetting it was even there. Well done, body 💪

(On that note, flex for @thisgingersnapped50 as I'm finally feeling strong again!)

Sent off another job application for a food poverty charity which I would loove to get if they'll have me. Fingers crossed 🤞 Maggie helped me apply 🥺

And then back to bed for a nap. Just got up and had some pasta, now off to work 7pm-7am 🤢🤢 It's gonna be fine. It means I don't have to work Tuesday which is our busiest and most stressful day, and instead I can just crack on with whatever needs doing by myself tonight while the engineers are working. Wouldn't mind an early finish though 😬

#fitblr #health blog #fitness blog #personal #health #fitness #workout #monday #full body #flex #tag #maggie

[revolutionaryshoe]

I used to wonder, when I was younger, how people could let such terrible things happen. I remember at school they showed us pictures of the piles and piles of bodies, sprawling stick limbs in the death camps in Germany and Poland and Cambodia and Rwanda and. They said to us: we let this happen. You must not.

Ah, I thought, how could I? How could anyone?

Now I am beginning to see.

Years ago they said: if you are not angry you are not paying attention. But oh I am so tired of being angry and more I am afraid.

It is hard to be afraid for so long, and to see that there are those in power and rising up and eating the fear and breathing it and spreading it out. Sleeping on a fort of money to keep them safe and breathing out death and other people's misery and we are all so afraid. Stop the boats and keep the money and how will we afford bread, my partner has a new job now and maybe we'll make the rent and there are people starving and drowning and they are making laws against us; 

It is about keeping children safe they say on the radio. That is what justifies your suffering.

I turn off the radio.

I wish my child would go to school, but she says she is afraid of everything all the time now.

Did you know that a hundred years ago, one child in four, one child in three, in two, would die and now I wonder: how did they do it? With cholera and dysentry and your children dying in your arms, was it not hard to say: " I think even bad men should have a chance to live. I do not want them to suffer as my child has suffered?" 

I think it would be much easier not to care, to say: let them all perish as my sister/child/husband/friends have perished. Is that not justice? O only let the ones I love breath and be easy.

In the news I read about "invasions of migrants" and "keeping women and children safe" and I think about the men far away in queues for bread starving with their money frozen by foreign banks. And I think about moving countries and making plans, and try again to get my child to school.

The news comes on the radio and I turn it off and I think 

I understand now.

And I am afraid.

#Prose poetry #UK politics #Ventpost #Personal

[unrequitedloveletter]

The Fire That Burns Within- N.L x fem! reader Chapter Seven

Masterlist

Okay! Seventh chapter here we are, which puts us just a bit away from halfway through this fic! I’ve mostly been editing and queueing prewritten chapters (hello from yesterday lol) from when I was motivated to write a good amount, but still! This series has been a blast to write and I’m glad that people have been liking it!

As for people who have asked (I promise, I’m not ignoring you, I just had a moment where I went ‘I’ll respond to this later’ and then completely forgot and never did) this fic does not and will not have a tag list! If a lot of people want me to though, I can add a tag list to the masterlist, tag lists just aren’t typically my thing and I knew I wasn’t going to do one with this fic.

Fic type- there’s a good amount of bickering between Nikolai and the reader, but the end of this fic has a hurt/comfort-y turn, so hurt/comfort it is. 

Warnings- mentions of death, mentions of slavery (in regards to grisha, slavers/slavery and indentures are discussed)

“I’ve developed a plan for finances,” Nikolai said two days later. The two days to follow had been much the same, your exchanging jabs and debating back and forth over financial issues whilst you wandered the corridors, growing as familiar with the corridors of the Spinning Wheel as you had once been with the corridors of the Little Palace. “What’s next?” 

“The Grisha,” you said, having not had the strength to debate with him that day. You were tired, itching for a fight, wanting to know just how much more it would take before the Darkling discovered the Spinning Wheel and launched an attack. Every place had it’s leaks, and you found yourself wanting to know where the Spinning Wheels leak was located more and more with the days that passed you by. 

“I admit that I am biased here, but I do implore you to go seeking alternate perspectives if that is what you desire,” you suggested. “The Grisha is the next place you should look if you are no longer looking at ways to improve Ravkas financial status.” 

“Where have we gone wrong in that regard?”

“I have heard your mother and father both call Grisha witches,” you said. “Like they’re Druskelle. A prejudice against us exists in the palaces where we are trained. I’ve heard it from several First Army officers in my walks. We mean no harm, and we certainly do not mean to be harmful by simply existing. Put in laws against slavery and the discovery of slave trades.”

“Those laws already exist.” 

“And they could definitely use a bit of tweaking. Seek the slavers out, imprison them. Make the punishment hanging.”

“I cannot just–”

“Ravka is seen as a safe haven for Grisha,” you said. “But it is typically that to Ravkans who were enslaved or indentured. It is seen as that to the occasional desperate Grisha in Fjerda, to the ones being hunted down in Shu Han and the Wandering Isle, to the Grisha who are fleeing the war as it continues now and unknowingly getting themselves stuck in indentures with ridiculous contracts to pay off in Ketterdam. It is a safe haven to those groups, and them only. If you make the punishment for slave trading as bad as the punishment for something such as treason, it can only have a decent outcome.”

“Such as?”

“Ravkan Grisha feeling safe when they walk the streets which you are to govern. Grisha from places like Novyi Zem and Ketterdam actively seeking out the Little Palace so that they can learn how to master their small sciences.”

“There will always be the Druskelle to hunt them.”

“That is the unfortunate truth,” you agreed. “Grisha are always at risk with those wretched ice demons in their sights, but tightening the laws around slavers and the punishments they get will at least make Ravka feel safer. The curriculum can be revised after the war and Druskelle specific tactics and fighting techniques can be a unit of study. Zoya says she had someone in her charge that knew every bloody language she could get her hands on, and knew how to fight a Druskelle like it was easy as breathing. We educate on the power of the Druskelle, teach them how to fight against it and defend themselves, and you will have at least begun to right a mistake made by your father and his father and all of the cretins throughout the rest of your bloodline.” 

“So,” Nikolai said. “Finance my way out of one hundred fifty million dollars in debt in the next seven years with festivals, galas, palace tours and a public coronation with charged entry, and tighten laws surrounding slavers while putting more effort into educating Grisha on how to spot a bulky Druskelle. Is that all my family has messed up?”

“There’s more, Prince Nikolai. There is always more.” 

“You say that and then refuse to tell me?”

You’d taken a sharp turn, found a door that lead to a stairwell. “Of course,” you nodded. “I like to keep you on your toes, Prince.” 

Nikolai had no rebuttal. You did not hear his footsteps behind yours, and you knew he’d objected to simply watch you walk away.

-

Genya found you on a terrace, a mug of warm cider tucked into your hands and balanced on your knees. You were sitting on the terrace, surrounded by the snow and in a pair of trousers that had been leant to you by Zoya while yours went through the laundry, a black roughspun tunic visible due to the fact that your kefta had slipped off both shoulders. You had your beloved combat boots on your feet, and it seemed like you were zoned out, like you had retreated into your own mind. 

“I hate Fjerda,” you said, having picked up the familiar sound of Genyas gait in the snow. “I hate it. I hate this place, the lift that bumps and moves in fits and starts, the salted herring and the constant cold. I resent Nikolai and I resent the fact that I am beginning to resent him less.” 

It was a step up, she knew. You still hated Nikolai, but you hated him less than before. That was an improvement.

“You’ll stay, won’t you?” Genya asked. “Sergei has just left. Don’t tell me you’re leaving, too.” 

“I wouldn’t,” you said. “I hate the snow. I hate the prince. I hate that cursed lift with every bone in my body.”

Genya understood instantly. If you left at that moment, if you packed up your bags and left the Spinning Wheel and stowed away on a cargo ship bound somewhere like Ketterdam, you would have felt terrible. Leaving your friends and the people you loved like family felt as terrible as the idea of returning to the side of the Darkling, even if that wasn’t what you were doing.

“I know you wouldn’t,” she said. “Zoya knows you wouldn’t. Alina and Nikolai are glad that they have another reliable Inferni in the fight against the Darkling.”

“You would be okay if I did leave, right?”

“After the civil war, you can go wherever you want. You can go to Ketterdam or Novyi Zem, you can try your luck in the Wandering Isle, even. You can do whatever you want after the civil war. All I need is a place to which I can send correspondence.”

“And you–”

“I wouldn’t hate you if you left,” Genya said. She came and sat down next to you, snorted when she noticed your flint in your hand, the glow in your eyes. You were using your small science to keep your cider from going cold. “I would be fine, and you would be fine, and we would not hate each other because that is not who we are.” 

“That is not who we are,” you nodded. “I just–I love Ravka, but–”

“But the Lantsovs–” were a trainwreck and a half. 

“Yeah. The Lantsovs.” 

Genya laughed, and you laughed, and Genya stole your cup and took a sip of your cider. You summoned a contained flame to a patch in the ground and took the cup back, shooting Genya a pointed look as you took a long sip from the mug. 

Genya rested her head against your shoulder, wrapped an arm around your waist. You pressed your cheek against the top of her head.

“We are not our wounds,” she said. “We cannot be.” 

“If we cannot be, then we won’t,” you said. “We’ll survive the war. We’ll go home, grieve our losses, repair our keftas and hold our funerals. We’ll say prayers to our saints and shed the tears we held back in favor of picking up a sword, and we will make it through this.” 

Genya wanted to cry. You wanted to cry. Neither of you shed a tear. 

“We’ll make it through this,” she said. “We’ll make it through this.”

“We will,” you said. “We will, because we have to and because we want to. We will fight for our country. The Darkling does not get to win. Never again.” 

“Never again,” Genya echoed.

The two of you stayed on that balcony for a long time, your flint pressed against the side of your mug as you summoned your small science to keep your cider warm. You and Genya passed the mug back and forth, talked idly of childhood memories and the different ways the war could end. 

#nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix