#''things are back to normal now'' oh really??? (also they shouldnt be going back to normal. this plague is not anywhere NEAR over)

[piplupod]

when I say the cost of shipping has gotten untenable, i do mean it btw.

and for all you americans who don't know the conversion rate:

#30 fucking dollars for a sticker. what the fuck. #i can't fucking buy anything through small businesses anymore (not even just on etsy lol its everywhere) i do mean it #i cannot afford shipping anymore! this is fucking insane #this is also why i had a brief stint with trying to have a small craft business myself and had to shut that idea down so fast because- #-shipping was bad back then two years ago. its gone up like $15+ since then lmao #i know the pandemic has fucked things up but jesus christ #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #''things are back to normal now'' oh really??? (also they shouldnt be going back to normal. this plague is not anywhere NEAR over)

[d0v3uae]

okay, i was just rewatching season 4, and i realized something, remember this scene in the airport right in the beginning of the series? Mike says “i handpicked those for you in Hawkins” most likely he got those from the field that we also saw in the end of this season, and the one of the very first scenes in season 3. now, i was watching the very last episode, and the very last scene, and i noticed when el was walking forward, she picked up dead flowers, specifically the same colors Mike got her as a gift back in the beginning (yellow and purple). this means the fall/deadness of their relationship, because as we already know, they are NOT on good terms. i mean i really tried to like their ship, but i just cant see it without being toxic, and having communication issues for example: El felt the need to lie about her life and Lenora, and how she had friends, and everything was good. why would she need to lie? shouldnt they trust each other and tell each other things like this? And back in the beginning when Mike tells Lucas that they dont want to be popular, and the airport scene when El says that she wants burritos for breakfast, Mike says something like “really? no i mean i trust you,” that scene to me meant that Mike was very awkward, and not acting like himself. and not to mention but Mikes outfit was not himself AT ALL. Argyle says “oh no its a shitty knockoff,” meaning again, that mike is acting like someone hes not in front of his girlfriend.

now, i wanna talk about the roller rink incident, because there is a LOT more stuff going on then what it seems. so basically Mike and Will are fighting while trying to find El, and Will says “well what about us?” and Will DID NOT mean this romantically, but Mike took this romantically?! Will meant it as “Ok i get it, you have a girlfriend, but what about our friendship?” Mike took it as romantic, which is why he said “We’re friend! We’re friends!” and the fact that he said it two times is also insane, and his tone of voice when he said it was so tense almost. when people in other shows/movies say they are just friends, they most if the time end up as an endgame couple. for example: the office, Jim and Pam, they both had crushes on each other throughout the first seasons, but oh look they were an endgame couple, and even got married. what im trying to say is, Mike took it romantically, when Will didnt.

And another thing with this fight, is that as soon as Mike said “We’re friends” the song “in the closet” started playing, and some people think “oh its because Els in a closet” which yes, in a way, but it was an employee’s shed. and also this song started playing RIGHT AFTER Mike assured that they were “just friends” little sketchy right? And i also just wanted to point out that after Mike said that, he saw Wills face and immediately knew he made him sad, and we can see the tension in his face almost disappeared.

now right after the skate incident, El, Mike and Will were all standing there in a triangle if i may point out, but anyways, we can see Will reacted normally, he said “oh my god..” but Mike reacted very aggressively towards it. and the camera pans over to El sitting alone at a table, and Mike and Will are right next to each other. really quickly, i wanna point a few things out. when angela takes el onto the rink, we can see Mike not care, hes just like “meh” but Will knows, so he stands up and says “oh no” which directly after he says that, he stands up so quickly, but this is weird for me. because Mike can sense when something is wrong with Will, but not El. because we see that when angela comes over to the table they are sitting at, it is very tense but Mike doesnt really notice, but Mike notices when something is wrong with Will almost IMMEDIATELY. and this is proven back in s2. so Will is closing his locker and Mike says something like “come on” and Will looks worried or even tense, and Mike immediately notices, because he says “what” many times and not to mention in his soft voice that he only uses for Will. so i think this means Mike understands Will and Will understands Mike.

i think this might be foreshadowing to the break up to Mike and El in season 5. so, once again. BYLER ENDGAME!!

#byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #will byers #byler endgame #byler is canon #byler kiss #byler nation #byler tumblr #stranger things #byler analysis #mileven break up #anti mileven

[cluelylikesporn]

okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.

so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)

my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.

she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?

HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?

i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper

the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.

okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:

my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)

i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.

so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”

are you fucking kidding me.

i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.

same shit about documents and boring stuff.

keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.

so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)

ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭

so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)

this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.

it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.

anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾

sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏

song of the day:

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #spotify #the walking dead #dead by daylight #metal #metallica #elvira #autism #adhd #spiderman #scott pilgrim #rammstein #elton john #australia #exams

[chthonicgodling]

In real time, who was the last person to make Loki laugh and was there context behind it ?

(Accepting EeL questions again come humor me!!)

🥺🥺 oh god oh no this is SUCH a cute question i……. wish I had an equally as cute and fluffy answer because I most certainly do NOT lmAO UH-

yknow I.,,,, lemme explain something in case i somehow haven’t made this crystal clear even though iiiiii feel like I’ve outlined the circumstances pretty clearly over the years but especially the last few months. Loki’s family is the Elysium palace wholeheartedly, he cares deeply about the people he lives with and is the happiest he’s ever been, especially now lately through this new exciting ongoing tryst with Maci and Tory and ESPECIALLY now lately that they’ve scooped him very possessively into their bed at this moment in time to give him the baby and this is all mushy gushy lovey dovey like living in a dream.

would Loki ever ever ever ever ever ever admit any of that ever EVER?????

absolutely not<3 all that up there and STILL Loki absolutely must keep up appearances in skulking coolly around and glowering scowling OR wryly smirking, all that up there wrt Maci and Tory and he’s STILL SOMEHOW PRETENDING that Ugh Please I don’t Cuddle 😒😒 (?!?!?!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THEN) lmfao even re: all these little games in the bedroom with them he’s SUCH a stubborn prideful brat that his safeword only exists bc he otherwise insists on eyerolling and whining and fighting and they can’t fuckin tell the difference (again this is A DREAM COME TRUE also he’s never once tapped out of. anything. brat brat brat. INSUFFERABLE just admit you LIKE them aaAHH)

So UGH I waantttt to be able to coo and say yeah Loki gigglefits while snuggled with his temporary play partners but ffs of cOURSE NOT cause that means they win😒that means admitting he likes all of these people 🙄 it actually was Tory ANYWAY though but not the way you’d think UGH

during that period of constant anxious interrogation between “you really want to have a baby with me???” and “…ok surprise I was already pregnant that whole time.” One of Loki and Tory’s many talks about it, I think I posted bits of it on the other blog, in which Loki kept coming up with “well what about — this? And what about— if this? And if that?” And Tory had an even calm reassuring response for every SINGLE thing Loki threw at him. Finally after Loki was like “okay well what if you and Maci change your minds and you both turn on me or turn on each other BECAUSE of me and this child single-handedly causes the entire downfall of your marriage what THEN checkMATE” and Tory finally was like …..I think you’re just gonna have to trust us on that one

…the god of Lies proceeded to laugh in his face (dragging his hands over his face and collapsing in a defeated heap. “Yeah, I know,” said Tory.)

Anxious laughter of disbelief SHOULDNT really count though so quick addendum. I did actual research into this!! Loki brand genuine laughter before that was *checks notes* oh. uhh. well that’s extremely nsfw. But it was also Tory. lmao lmao kind of. uhhhhhh.

…..hang on scooting over to the nsfwblog again….. right here <33

I’m going to be extremely vague dggdkgkgk, time period this was like, right before Baby Decisions. I’ve mentioned the specific trio dynamic is in which Tory doms Loki but Maci doms them both<333 since really at the end of the day Tory’s a sub leaning switch at heart lmao (did we know this? mwah) and so, well, if Maci’s not there supervising that DOES sometimes make Tory susceptible…… to well, Loki being able to bat his eyelashes and purrtalk his own way out of situations. for example perhaps that key that I keep vaguely mentioning is floating around on a necklace shared by Maci and Tory that I refuse to elaborate further about —

Anyway flipping Tory upside down metaphorically/very physically is ABSOLUTELY grounds for all smug giggles and fun and games!! until Maci comes back and laughs louder and brat-wrangles back to normal 🤦🏻‍♀️ (it is worth mentioning that horny idiot will continue doing this infinitely to obtain the same result. does the punishment fit the crime??? uh hello absolutely that’s the whole POINT,)

OKAY LEAVING THE NSFW SECTION How about the last person to make him really smile?????? ….help that was also Tory (and Maci). Just last night one half flicker of a real smile very quickly before anyone catches him CAN be obtained with the very easy formula of: snuggle tightly, purr, gib kiss.,, EASY. ohghhhgghh

Anywayyyyyy this answer is perhaps insane but it’s been typed with little to no proofreading at nearly 1 am so. yikes augh THANK U THO

one of my goals in all of this truly is to get One Genuine Gushy Lovey Moment on Loki’s end, let’s laugh and smile and snuggle and PLEASE?!!!?! cause Maci and Tory are soooooooo on top of that like even though they ARE NOT BECOMING A COUPLE (through gritted teeth and insistence!!) I just 🥺 can we get ONE I love you from Loki please eee eee we’ve already got them from Tory and Maci plEEEA A S EEEE—

#long post // #eloki #NSFWTXT // #JUST ONE SMOL BIT

[wooltoesocks]

things i want to get answers to in the remaining episodes of four leaf: a very comprehensive list that must be missing some things i just cant remember at the moment (also soilers for up until ep 139):

just in general evrything about the bells, and more especiall like how is lina giving lupe her bells (because that is 100% gonna happen i think) gonna affect them, for example if they'll get lina's bell as like their own, and if that bell being kinda broken is gonna be any problem

will that be a permanent change, is lupe gonna give the bell back to lina after they deal with the wolf

what's gonna happen to cricket if they really do deal with the wolf? or how will tehy come to some wsolution that doesnt harm anyone

CARLA!!! is she gonna be okay? that wound looks very nasty. i hope they'll be able to cure it somehow, and if not, then chopchop there goes a leg :/

talking about carla, is she gonna give er bells to someone like she mentioned in 138? that is only in case she wont be able to continue, but it loks very bad rn, so my question is, is it gonnna be mercy? or in general, who is it gonna be?

also about the bells, i really wanna know how many bells each witch has!! it''s just something i think would be interesting to analyse. (i looked through all the episodes where a witch has their bells out buut i still now only know for certain the number of bels like 7 witches have (before 137 and emma giving up her bells): Erica 1, Emma 2, Socks 2 (most likely, unless she got mor after the prison break, that's when she at least shows only 2), Alishba 3, Linda 3 (both of whose bells were shown during the prison break), Carla 20, Lina 21.

also also (i use that word so much), the names of the witches! we now know there are 17 witches in the red hoods (+lupe +lina so maybe 19 but oh well) and of those 17 we know the names of 12 (episode 133)

what i wanna know too is like which bell belongs to which witch? we've seen some, for example in the flashback of when they first appeared, and also in the festival of roses we see some, but like i wnna knowww (ye sit's very trivial but that's what makes it fun i think)

the mom. what happened with her in the 8 months that have passed since lupe was last in their original world? did she just continue on like normal, or did she actually regret some of the things she's done? will lupe go see her again?

the inevitable. the thing i've been waiting for for like 2 years. the KISS! alvar mentioned the witch loking very mad and the also saying he's the kinda guy to ask twice before a first kiss and what i think will happen is that he is gonna ask. like he's just the kinda guy. but the thing lupe (most likely) will be "mad" about is just that al didnt tell about it (even tho he was gonna tell you lupe, you just didnt want him to). or they arent mad, but just like very confused/fristrated and Al just interpreted it wrong? i dont know. we'll see (hopefully tomorrow in 140 but at the evry least in 141?? like i dont think it will take so long that it would be 142? (i am delusional). also looking at the future chapter thumbnails (not a fast pass reader), it looks like someone is using some kind of reddish/pinkish magic / teleporting right next to him)

okay this isnt a theory or anything, i just know lupe's dad is gonna be so smug learning about lupe and al's relationship when they do get into one like judging from ep 116 and the "crush" i jut know

okay wow this is a long post but i need to get these out of my head and scream into the void and wait if it screams back

back to the bells, they'r gonna give everyone their own one back right? if they deal wit hthe wolf, there shouldnt be any need to hoard all the power, and i dont think it would be very fair to let 72 people just go on about life without really even knowing what's going no just because you wanna levitate. i know it's probably more complicated than that but yeah

also (fuck, this word again) what's gonna happen to the witchs' craving of gloom? is it gonna go away if there is no wolf (okay this is assuming that it's dealt with and they wont come to a peaceful comclusion but if that happens i just really hope cricket will be okay)

are other witches gonna wanna get rid of their bells and become human like emma?

i would like some more information about the different worlds, although i think it's unlikely tha will come up in the chapters themselves, but maybe as some bonus content somewhere?

okay so i already wrote about like if Lina's bell being broken is gonna have any effect on lupe, but will it affect Lina herself? i would assume not, but you never know

just in general, i cant wait to see how everything comes to a conclusion and how the ending is gonna be (even tho i would love for it to go on for longer). are we gonnna see another time skip?

man i just remembered there are alaso civilians in Garua at the moment too like the redhoods are gonna get the to safety right? maybe that will also help a little with the public's fear of the witches, the news that hey maybe they're not bad through and through (even tho that was never the case but most people still thought that so)

fuck this is long how many words even is this... 1005???? man that's like 2/3 of the essays we had to write in high school. yea it's easier to just put stuff from your mind into bullet points but this has taken me like maybe 45 minutes where as those essays took at least 5 hours. i bet i could make one from one of my interests in like 2 hours and i would be much better than any of those monstrocities i wrote

anyway back on track

actually those are the main ones i remember now, maybe i'll update this once more come to mind, but for now this is enough for today

pictured above is me falling for this series

wait one more thing: is it stated anywhere how much the bells weigh? i would assume they're more like incorporeal so they wouldn't hve any mass, and i fell like should know this i've read this series 5 or 6 times. but if they do infact hve mass, do the witches have to actively levitate them or are they jsut funky like that

#fellow four leaf readers please tell me stuff i didnt consider that should probably be here #four leaf webtoon #four leaf #webtoon #tuisku thinks (shocking) #man i just have so many questions and i just want to know everything about this world #or worlds #this is honestly one of my all time favorite serieses #in all media formats #i know i've said it before but it is true so it should be stated again #im so normal about it you dont even know #also i hope most of those havent already been answered although some might have been #sporry for anyone who had to see this/read all of it i applaud you this was so not organized and very confusing #villasukat.

[disabled-stuck]

HI ITS ME CHRONIC PAIN ANON BACK AGAIN... here's my thoughts on who of the human cast is Aware That They Have Chronic Pain Issues. srry ppl were discussing and im like, Wow, Time For Me In Hc Central

june's issues start to really develop and get bad post-game (in my headcanons), so for a long period of time she literally has no one to talk to about it bc she's self-isolating. she eventually tells nannasprite about it when nanna is guilt-tripping her into getting up (nanna voice: Whatever works, hoohoo!), and nanna is like. this is my only granddaughter. i will do whatever i can for her. (i love june & nanna's dynamic. could u tell.) jasprose also is like GIRL!!! You Are In Pain!!! nanna & jasprose team up of the century to get june egbert to Acknowledge Her Problems

dave NO clue NO idea WILL not talk about it. maybe EVENTUALLY tells karkat about it but i don't think she ever seeks out a diagnosis or tries to get one. hes got old ingrained trauma about seeing doctors, which is something he's trying to get over, but like, he already has 4 bajillion other things to unpack about his childhood and healthcare systems are not historically good about chronic pain, a dismissal of their symptoms might set them back in that regard. they're just homebrewing this shit for now.

rose: yeah, she knows. she doesn't talk about it in those terms, though. instead of saying "i have a horrible migraine and cannot get out of bed" she tells kanaya to text the gc that she's afflicted by the Broodfester Woes and cannot join them this evening. theyve sort of picked up by now what that means but she thinks it's funnier this way.

jade: HMMM. i think she put herself through her denial paces but actually i think going grimbark essentially caused her to not feel her chronic pain (a side effect of condy's semi-control over her body), and when she got shunted back into her body she had to face the reality where she DIDNT hurt all the time like wow thats how ppl normally feel? what the fuck????

jane: oh absolutely fucking not does not know. unlike jade, his pain got WORSE during crockertier. yet it still takes literally two decades for him to finally acknowledge that his stuff is NOT normal and the fact that her whole friend group has chronic pain doesn't help, which kind of sucks. jane voice: well sometimes i can get out of bed when i have a headache and rose can't, so clearly its not the same (as if jane doesn't force himself out of bed even when he really shouldnt!!!). roxy has to be the one to tell him.

roxy: yeah she knows it's chronic pain. she's been worried about getting cirrhosis for years, and so has been keeping up to date on her physical health as a result. she figured it out pretty quickly after a couple flareups. trickster mode made it worse for her.

dirk: hal has been telling him for YEARRRRRRRRS that his carpal tunnel is just that, carpal tunnel. and yet. AR: Dirk, if you do not take better care of yourself, you are never going to be capable of building me a body of my own. TT: 1. I'm fine. 2. I'm not building you a body anyways, so the point is moot. anyways he accepts it during the game bc he's like you know what. might as well admit it to myself. good thing, too, because it only gets worse after a couple decapitations.

jake: has pretty much always known, deep down, but like. she lives on an ISLAND. the hell is he going to do about it? no, better not to think about it. someday they'll be able to deal with it, but that day isn't today, and theres so much to do. so he represses it DEEPLY. normal action hero jake english doesn't have chronic pain, of course. she's a heroic manly lead, after all... (the deconstruction of that mindset sort of makes them acknowledge it, though.)

ANYWAYS I JUST RAMBLED AT YOU FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS HOPE U HAVE, A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/WHAT EVER

YYAYYY no you're so good nonnie thank u forever and ever

[ask-october-fox]

(Sorry if I took a while to reply, I had no connection for the whole day until now) Well, I just found this blog last year and yes, I knew from the get-go that you’re a spirit. So I figured out what happened, when I was reading your “lore” comics, there was one made by Sargassos which featured their moose character Hollow interacting with you which I mistook as yours. In the comic, there was a panel in which Hollow crosses a road with a broken-down car in it. That gave me the impression that the forest you’re living in has a road in which cars frequently pass by. Since you’re a forest spirit, I thought cars were an out-of-this-world thing for you and made me think they would spark your curiousity, and as you would approach one and inspect it from up-close, at some point you would end up seeing yourself reflected in one of the side view mirrors and be mesmerized by it. Which I thought would be a cute/funny scene to see/imagine. And that’s what made me ask you if you would do such a thing. So yeah, the source to all of this confusion was I misread a fan comic as yours, which understandably, you have the final word if that comic is canon or not. I apologize for this long read and for the confusion but rest assured that this is the definitive answer of what was going on.

Oh dear. This is a lot. Well, time for a little clarification! Ah well to answer your question, I do know the story you are referring to (shameless plug here bc you should def check it out cause the artist is aaaaamaaazzing!~) While the story wasnt told by myself, it is still accurate. I live in a deep forest, but being that it is a Nation Forest, there are areas where there are roads and cars do travel, expect the areas that I frequent, cars are usually parked far away at a type of "rest point" and then humans must travel by foot if they want to go deeper into the forest. I am aware of what cars are- Im aware of technology in general! I was curious about them for a while when they started appearing up here but they are also very noisy and smelly so I tend to leave them alone. I dont think that humans would really appreciate having a fox walk over their cars (im sure they are expensive, dont want to accidentally break something! Yikes!) I think another thing that might clear up the confusion is that you have to remember that my forest is a place that many creatures also travel to- living or spectral. Hallow lead that spirit to me as she was worried for him, and she wanted to make sure that spirit would be able to get back home safely. Where the poor creature met his fate was somewhere else from here. Cars traveling up here dont normally (or shouldnt be!) driving that fast as to take out a full grown moose. As far as the mirror part, I mean- hah~, I already know my fur is flawless, but I couldnt even reach a rearview mirror! Im too short ^^;

#quick reply #anonymous #long reply is long #also the mod is NOT about to try and draw a car #I dont even want to do new backgrounds if I dont have to!

[toast-is-ticklish]

Hello! I was wondering if you could do a fic /w/ Ler! Wukong and Lee! Macaque? Maybe he kept having flashbacks to their past, and Wukong wants to cheer him up? If not, that's okay. Bye!

Okay I finally did it!!! I kinda went super heavy on the angst at the beginning bc my life has been a fucking dumpster fire recently but I'm seeing a therapist so none of you bitches can judge me lmao

Anyway yeah very angsty angst and then very fluffy fluffy lol.

Hope you enjoy!

We Can Be Okay.

___________________________________________

As Macaque scrounged around in the kitchen at what must have been an ungodly hour of the night, he decided that fixing broken relationships was really, really hard.

He also decided that nightmares suck.

Silently cursing himself for making hot chocolate being his only somewhat healthy coping mechanism, he couldnt help but wonder if moving in with Wukong was a bad idea. He thought he was ready. He knew Wukong wasnt going to hurt him anymore. He wasnt scared anymore.

Or at least he thought he wasn't.

He supposed, as he stirred the warm drink, he had placed himself in a place where he would constantly be reminded of his apparent traumatic past. How did Wukong return here, after he...did what he did?

Macaques eye tingled.

But he wanted to be here. He had finally gotten his sun, his peaches, his everything back and he couldnt stop fucking flinching at him.

He had been told over and over about how he shouldnt feel guilty, how it was a normal reaction to what he had been through, how he should be more kind to himself.

He felt pathetic. He was angry at himself and

he didnt feel like being particularly kind.

He threw his spoon into the sink with a little more force than necessary. When it loudly clanked, he considered throwing it out the window instead. Because fuck you, loud spoon.

He wanted to sleep so badly. He was exhausted to his very core and his bones felt so heavy. But he just couldnt.

Every time he closed his eyes he was back. In the fight. In his memories. The bad ones.

He was almost falling asleep standing up.

"Mm..Mango?" A sleepy grumble from the other side of the room.

Danger. Danger. Macaque felt like his nerves were screaming at him. He fumbled with his hot chocolate.

Crash.

And the mug was in pieces on the floor and he was covered in fucking hot chocolate.

Warm blood soaked through his shirt and covered his face. He couldnt move. His best friend was killing him. He was dying.

No! No. He was in the kitchen. He dropped hot chocolate.

He couldnt breathe.

He couldnt-

breathe. Rocks slippery with his blood. He was dying he was dying he was dying

"-aque? I need you to breathe for me, can you do that? Macaque?"

Wukong was here.

Wukong was here. The fucking awful glint of that crown bore into his mind like a hot iron. His everything buzzed with agony and white hot pain throttled his face. His eye. Oh gods his fucking eye.

Wukong hesitantly placed a hand on Macaques shoulder.

Panic.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He heard himself shout but it was so far away. Was it even his voice?

Macaque scrambled backwards on the floor. He couldnt remember getting on the floor.

"I wont." Wukong said, firmly placing himself in the floor with a fair share of space between the two.

"Don't" Macaque said, and it was a garbled whimper of a sound.

"I wont."

He could hear Wukong take a breath.

"Macaque, you're on the floor of our kitchen right now. You spilled some hot chocolate and I think you're having a panic attack."

Right. Hot chocolate. Kitchen. He could feel the  coolness of the floor on his skin.

"Try to take deep, slow breaths. You can copy me if you want."

Macaque looked up. The glinting crown was gone. He looked at the ebb and flow of Wukongs chest and tried to copy it as best as he could, although his breath hitched a bit.

"Can you tell me five things you can see?"

Right. Grounding techniques. Wukong must've talked to Sandy.

"Uhm. You, th-the mug, cabinets, the sink, and the window.

The world around him started feeling a little more real.

"Awesome. Four things you can touch?"

"The floor, my shirt, my fur, and...the cabinet behind me.

His breathing was evening out.

"Good, now three things you can hear?"

"The cicadas, the fridge, and my voice." 

"Two things you can smell?"

"Hot chocolate and...sweat."

Ew.

"One thing you can taste?"

"Blood." He must've bitten his tongue at some point. Hard.

But he felt here now. And calmer. Wukong exhaled somewhat shakily.

"Are you...with me? Now?" He must've been spooked. Macaque supposed anyone would be, finding their partner having flashbacks to dying because they dropped a cup.

Gods, he was a wreck.

"Yes. I'm... here now. I'm sorry."

"No! Dont be sorry! I was just...worried about you." Wukongs face looked solemn before flipping into a more positive expression. "I'm gonna grab you a change of clothes real quick I'll be right back!"

That man could not stay still for more than two seconds at a time. Macaque huffed out a laugh.

Wukong hurried back, and insisted on cleaning up while Macaque changed and showered, and soon they were sitting in the living room with the sun just about to start peeking out at them.

It was pretty clear neither of them were going back to sleep.

Macaque knew what he needed to do. He needed to talk. About what he was feeling.

Sandy better make him scones after this.

"We...need to talk." Okay so he was definitely going to give Wukong a heart attack with that phrasing. God damn it.

The other monkeys tail curled around his leg in anxiety. "I'm listening."

"Wukong I love you, so, so much. More than I've ever loved anything. Its honestly ridiculous how your dumb ass somehow managed to wrap me around your little finger." Macaque huffed out an embarrassed laugh, before hesitating.

"I trust you. I know you're not going to hurt me, not anymore. But I- I think I'm," he sucked in a breath through his teeth, "still...scared of you. And I dont know how to deal with it."

"Macaque..." Guilt was coming off Wukong in waves, and if you looked at his face the only thing you could glean if you tried was— '"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.'"

"I know. You're okay, peaches."

An intake of breath. "Okay." Wukong was fidgeting in his lap.

"Also, I dont know if I should keep living here. You know I love being with you. But theres too many—"

"Reminders?"

"Yes. I've been having nightmares. Every night."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. You're okay."

"Okay. I guess we'll just be having more sleepovers at your apartment then?" A weak lopsided smile greeted Macaque. He wanted to kiss it.

"Yes. Honestly I should've realized it was foolish to ever think I could escape you uprooting my entire living room for your insufferable pillow forts."

"Hey! My pillow forts are not insufferable! Unless you mean insufferably romantic?" Wukong said, waggling his eyebrows like the dork he is and his smile grew.

He was tired and Wukong was liquid sunshine. Gods, that smile. He really was hopeless.

Macaque grabbed his Sun Wukong, and flopped down on the couch with him, shoving his face into the crook of the others neck.

"See? You've gone soft, mango! Probably because you cant resist my pillow fort-y charms." Macaque could feel that sunny smile against his skin and it was so nice. He really had gone soft, he supposed.

"I must be completely hopeless to fall for someone as annoying as you." He said, and it couldn't be more obvious how little he meant it.

Wukongs hands brushed against his skin to adjust themselves against his back, and it made his skin prickle pleasantly.

Of course he was going to get one of those moods now because apparently the Buddha himself had a vendetta against Macaque maintaining any sense of dignity.

Macaque let out a heavy sigh. Communication time. Yippee.

Those scones better be damn good.

"...Wukong?"

"Yes?" Macaque couldnt see Wukongs face, but he could feel his smirk. Had his tone already given him away?

Uggggh. He really had to ask for this right now? Normally he would just annoy it out of Wukong but he was too tired for all that. He felt heat steadily rising to his cheeks.

"Can you do...the thing?"

"The thing."

"You know what I'm talking about!" Macaque lamented, trying not to squirm. "You're just trying to be an asshole."

"You love it." Macaque was not pouting. And if he were, he definitely wouldn't be doing it because Wukong was right. Definitely not.

He just let out some strangled whining sound into Wukongs shoulder.

"Use your words, darling." Wukong purred, and Macaque wanted to throw him off a roof because when he used those stupid pet names it still gave Macaque butterflies even after all these years.

"I already did, you bastard." Macaque said this through gritted teeth, but it was all for show. He wanted Wukong to make him say it, and he knew it, and Wukong knew it, and that flustered and excited him at the same time.

"Ah yes, and I still dont know what 'the thing' means. So it looks like we're a little stuck."

What a dick.

Macaque felt anticipation tingle in his stomach as his face prickled with heat.

"...Tickle me." Macaque mumbled into Wukongs shoulder.

"What was that?" Wukong crooned and his mouth was so close to Macaques neck that the vibrations actually almost tickled and it was agonizing and he loved it.

"I said! Tickle me, you impossible prick!" Macaque burst out, and he felt like his face was a fucking tomato.

"How could I say no to a sweet talker like you?"

Fingers wormed their way through Macaques shirt and began to flutter over his sides, gentle and lovely, because of course Wukong knew exactly what Macaque needed right now. No wonder he was head over heels for this dweeb.

Macaques stomach did a flip as he felt a dorky smile pull at the corners of his mouth. He knew his face was growing darker as he struggled to keep his giggles down, even though he also knew it was pretty useless.

"Are you hiding your giggles from me right now? I cant believe you!" Wukong fussed in mock offense, "I'm being deprived. Taken advantage of. Abused, even."

"Shuhuhut uhuhup!" Macaque tittered, muffled into Wukongs shoulder.

"Didnt quite catch that, hun."

Macaque lifted his head to retort, only to be met with a squeeze to his hips, allowing an impossibly embarrassing squeaky sound to leave his lips before he broke down into giggles.

"Mhmhm nohoho! Peaheachehes! Hahahah!"

"No? I thought I remembered you wanting tickles like, really bad, just a sec ago."

Wukong let his mouth rest on Macaques neck and the vibrations left Macaque feeling squirmy and fluffy and soft and he loved it.

As Macaque giggled his heart out, Wukong let his fingers wander up, under the others shirt, to lightly scritch at his ribs. 

As squeaky hiccupy laughter filled the room, Wukong felt his heart melt.

"Ahahaha! Youhou- youhouhoure naihaihails ohohoh myhyhy gohohohd whyhyhyy!?"

"Why what? Why does it tickle so bad? Why are you so cute?"

Macaque thought he might just die now.

"Whyhyhyhy arhahahhareha youhouhouhou suhuhuhuch ahaha—HMmeEEK! " Macaque interrupted himself with something between a whimper and a squeal.

Wukong, the devious little fucker, was biting him. Nibbling on his neck and ears.

It felt like fireworks running through his skin. It tickled so bad. Not in the way that it made him laugh really loud, but in the way that apparently turned his brain to mush.

He loved it.

In between little bites Wukong murmured into Macaques ear "Its adorable how much you like this~"

All he got in response was a jumbled series of squeaks and some little kicks. Macaque shoved his face Wukongs shoulder because oh my god did he really just say that?

"You taste good, by the way. Very ticklish." He said, before returning to Macaques neck with ridiculous 'nom nom nom!' noises.

Macaque only had one thought in his head right now. "Ah! Ihihit tihihickles! Ahahaha!"

Wukong rumbled with laughter of his own and it sent vibrations through his neck that made Macaque wriggle around even more like some kind of giddy worm.

"Does it?"

"Yehehehees! Tihihihicklhehes!"

Wukong cooed and fluttered his fingers at Macaques sides before stopping for a second. "You're getting sleepy now, Mango. We gotta go back to bed soon.." he said with a yawn.

The moment Wukong stopped, Macaque felt his eyes start to droop and had to struggle not to yawn as well.

"Mnohot sleepy."

Wukong snorted. "You totally are. You're just also a little tickle addict." He said, giving a quick squeeze to the others hips for emphasis.

Macaque squeaked in suprise before giggling out a "Nohoh!" He left it painfully undisclosed whether he was saying no to being called a tickle addict, or the loss of tickles.

"Fine. A little more, then bed okay? You need to rest."

Macaque wanted to tell Wukong that there was no way he was accepting self care advice from the person who drank the entire supply of godly wine because he wanted to.

But he was tired.

So instead he said, "M'kay."

"I'll probably have to tickle your stubborn ass out of bed tomorrow morning anyways," Wukong said and suddenly there were hands at Macaques sides again and a big intake of breath.

As Wukong tickled the shit out of Macaques ribs, he blew the biggest raspberry right behind his ear.

Macaque squealed before going limp with laughter. "AHAHAHA! MMMAHAHAHA AHAHA FUHUHCK!"

Tickles shot through his whole body like lightning.

He legitimately thought that he was being sent to his grave with tickles.

And then Wukong did it again and again and again.

"AHAHAHAH OOHOKAHAY IHIHIHI CAHAHNT! IHIHILL SLEEHEHEP WHAHAHATEVEHERR!"

Wukong stopped and ran a hand through Macaques hair.

"You happy now, tickle bug?"

Macaque just nodded sleepily.

"Okay, c'mon, we gotta—ohhhkay." Macaque was snuggling into him now, clearly making himself comfortable.

How could he say no to this? He supposed his lifelong prospects of being a pillow weren't that bad.

Wukong looked down at his now asleep Macaque, and let himself relish the soft sleepy smile, and lazily wagging tail, knowing he had caused those things.

Yeah. Sleeping on the couch definitely wasnt that bad.

#tickle #tickle fic #tickle community #lego monkie kid #monkey king #monkie king #legomonkiekid tickle #lee! macaque #ler! sun wukong #fluff #angst

[ja3yun]

HIIIII HAPPY MELTING POINT DAYYY 😆🎉 we should start normalising saying happy melting point day instead of happy friday actually

finally completed my workload for the day so i finally have the time to read the newest chapter 😝 im seated, seat belts buckled & so ready for the ride

"boyfriend" I GIGGLED THEY R SOOOOO TGT NOW 🫂🫂 used to pray for moments like this ...ok the minhee not responding to yn as usual kinda sus yea 🧐🧐 but anyways dgaf for now bc HOON CAME TO SURPRISE YN? I LIVE FOR THEM 🤍🤍🤍🤍 STOPP HE LET HER ADD HER OWN TOUCHES TO HIS CAR?:!!: AWWWW THATS SO SWEET i love when couples have a synergistic effect like hoon showers yn w all his love and attention and likewise yn gives hoon nothing but love and pride they truly are meant for each other

NO WAIT HOONYN HAD MORE HISTORY?.?:! when i say match made in heaven i really do mean it 😭 but hoon saying he had a reason when he rejected her... 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐 HMMMMM HMMMMMM 🧐🧐🧐 FAWKKING HELL THEY SAID WHAT NOW 🥺🥹🥺🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 they LOVE each other 🥹🥹🥹🥹 aj i ABSOLUTELY LOVE the little glimpse into hoonyn's past and the little moments that add up to their r/s now im just 🥰

i also absolutely love hoon sets yn straight like u can love both parties but there really shouldnt be a double standard, family or not. and its so refreshing to see main characters actively voice out their feelings! yn pookie imma have to need a word with u bc... i get that this is minhee's first chance at going even bigger but its still as big a thing for hoon too 🥺 and we cant deny minhee has said terrible things about him too...

oh no the mother and son r plotting.. i dont like that 😠😠 okayyyyyy minhee is acting too cold to yn for it to be normal now 🤨🤨🤨 UGH I JUST HATE THEIR MOM. like WOMAN PLEASE. theyre both ur kids ur flesh and blood i get that this is a big thing for minhee but like UGH 😤 OMG? rina made hoon's fit? SLAYYY U GO GIRLLL

WORLD PAUSE. WHAT HAPPENED?:!/!/& the moment i read the words "his ankle unexpectedly snaps at a 90 degree angle" MY HEART DROPPED MY JAW DROPPED BC THERES NO FREAKING WAY. does minhee want to fight WHY IS HE HOLDING YN BACK. LITERALLY LET THE GIRL GO!!!!! wtf. did minhee actually have something to do w hoon's skates. bc if he did istg. NOT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE TOPIC WTF. NOW IS NOT THE FREAKING TIME U DINGDONG!!!! but ig now we know why he was acting so distant w his own sister 😠

OK SO HE REALLY DID IT? oh U WANNA FIGHT KANG?.!.!/ AND HERE COMES THE MOTHER. if u can even call her that 😡🤬 IM SO?.!.&/ WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT DO U HAVE NO SHAME NO MORALS WTFFF 🤬🤬🤬🤬 i knew chapter 4 was the calm before the storm 😭😭😭😭 i hope yn got to see hoon tho 😭 im starting a hoon ankle speedy recovery manifestation ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

icb i finished the chapter so soon 🙃 now im back to living non melting point days.... patiently waiting for melting point day to come 🤍

i am with you on that! happy melting point day is how i'm greeting every friday from now on !!

ynhoon have been going longer than anyone realised and honestly i know i wrote it but why do i still get so ajdhsjhd over hoon when i remember he told his dad to give her the sweets?? its my little pocket of happiness :( and it just makes the i love you so much more deeper than we realise!!

minhee and the mum, honestly, i love the reactions 😭 the plot thickens each chapter and i can't wait to watch everyone unfold it along with yn.

thank you as always for reading! ilysm you have no idea!!

#aj answers #next chapter only gets more ?????? #i'm hoping i can curveball you all one more time

[mojavepumpkin]

"so we beat on, like boats against the current. borne back ceaselessly into the past." (cliche, i know but i can't get over that line)

sunday, march 3rd

haven't written in a while, haven't had my computer in a while. left it home when we went to fernandina. it was a good weekend. i was on my phone more than i'd like to have been, the weather was worse than i'd have liked it to have been. still managed to walk 12ish miles, all in all. the weather wasnt so bad when it wasnt raining. cooler than normal, especially sunday. saturday was nicer, walked 9 miles. had a conversation with a man in a silly hat selling free advice. he was nice but i dont feel all that helped, i still appreciate the conversation.

i am disturbed by my lack of preparedness for this literary thing. i have no idea what's going on, what im really doing, who even is running it. oh well, it can only help me i spose. or i could embarrass myself, but i guess i shouldnt get too hung up on that.

i might be getting a new car, or should i say, old truck. which is exciting. this summer. my car is the most expensive out of all of our cars, it was originally mom's and she gave it to me. the insurance is super high, so once we pay it off (in june), we can sell it and get something thats cheaper for me. it just so happens that i have a cheap taste in cars- or trucks. anyway, i hope we'll be able to find a 1998-2011 ford ranger. a tiny little truck for lil ole me.

anyway. im considering deleting youtube. it's tough. it's definitely my most used social media, and i can say 100% that it has made me better and more informed. if you can call it social media. but its also a big "crutch". eating food? watch youtube. getting ready in the morning? watch youtube. cleaning my room? watch youtube (this one is more understandable.)

given it more thought. i will delete it as an experiment. i think i need to learn how to practice mindfulness instead of consuming content every waking moment of my life. i need a book on it, maybe. definitely.

my mind feels very busy at the moment. let me think. the tv is very loud. i feel very hot. my room is dirty. okay. breathe.

what will happen tomorrow? anything of note? not that i can think of, i might make plans. that could be nice. i like keeping myself busy. i wish i could've figured out plans with J today, but nothing materialized - i just went outside by myself. i haven't read very much. but i haven't been on my phone very much. so i guess i've been doing things. i dont have any homework due. i dont have work tomorrow. i should be happy. i need to return a book to the library, and i cant think of anything else i need to do.

tomorrow might be a good day to walk. i'll speak to some folks. i'm trying to incorporate some more southernness into my speaking voice. idk, i'd like to feel like my voice is some kind of connection to the place from which i originate. i tried so hard to get rid of it, now i dont have it all and want it back. thats life.

despite not having known him for very long or very intimately i see a lot of my grandfather in myself. he has become sort of a kindred spirit i spose, for myself. maybe i do believe in the afterlife, i can still kind of feel him. maybe thats the afterlife we get, the feeling we leave with people. even though he isnt my biological grandfather, he was the only grandfather i knew on that side of my family that i ever knew. and now is certainly the only positive father like figure there. maybe all of those parts of him that are in me now are like little shrines i've built so that he can live on. our love of johnny cash, western movies, ford rangers, and straight-edge shaving. maybe i should start fishing more seriously, honestly i've thought about it often. i'd like to go fishing with a buddy. i just need a pole and some know-how, or my friend being the know-how could work too. i love him very much now, even though he is somewhat of a stranger to me. he loved my grandma, i can see that. i read one of their letters and was moved to tears. life is something incredible.

#blog #post #girlblogging #blogger #reblog #tumblog

[tiodolma]

You know that moodboard you reblogged of Merlin and Morgana not being able to sleep? You know what occurred to me?

I'm thinking of season 3. These two with their love/hate thing and UST going on and their fights about evil plans, and you know... What if in one of those heating discussions, Morgana accidentally blurts out that she felt something and a lot of things for Merlin before the poisoning fiasco and then Merlin admitting the same.

And like both are in their minds... 😳 Oh, crap, what did I just said? So, both flee from each other, because this isn't good at all and neither can now sleep because of the whole situation. 😂😂

..... ok meta time

I think morgana has been honest enough even in s3 though (heck through s4-s5). Merlin is the more guarded one.

Based on Colin Morgan’s interpretation in many interviews, Merlin was the one who was self-aware enough that he loved her and deeply cared for her at some point. The show confirms that sort of acting decision coz he’s also always revealing his true feelings for her in front of kilgharrah and gaius. (plus the other character/actors have talked about it)

Meanwhile Katie Mcgrath doesn’t characterize Morgana in that way: that Morgana was self-aware enough that she loved him. I am of the opinion that Morgana was still on her way to falling in love with him when Fires of IDirsholas happened. All we know is that she deeply feels for him to the point where even Morgause didn't seem to know the whole depth of her feelings. KM insists that Morgana only wanted Merlin’s honesty and trust. We can see it In the show. Morgana had always told Merlin what she felt about him.

So if there was one who should admit their feelings then it should be Merlin.

Morgana already laid out everything she felt for him from S1-S3: “you are the actual hero here!” “I am your friend” "i don't feel so alone here," "i trust merlin” "you’re a good friend” “i have magic, merlin” “I now know what i am”. “i am afraid merlin” “i get that you only wanted to protect your friends” “i am upset that i was poisoned and you hurt me” “why should i care about people who dont care about me?” “Uther hates me and everyone like me” “you dont know how it is be be an outsider” “i thought we were friends then why are you against me if you understand me like what you claimed” “how can you hope to understand” “i dont really get you.” “Make me understand, merlin” "you're just a pathetic lowly serving boy to me," "you're a thorn in my side," "you condemned me to live in this poor state."

Meanwhile merlin is always like "i care for her", "i trust her," "she should be told that magic can be a force for good and it can be a gift" "she has a good heart," "she’s my friend," "i know her," "i feel sad for her," "she’s undergoing a hard time," "i understand her most of all," "i shouldnt have trusted her," "i dont wanna be bitter, angry and so full of hate like her," "i will never be like her," "i thought we were the same”

---but he says these only To the dragon and Gaius.

See how they contrast? With regards to to his feelings for Morgana, Merlin is only honest to his bosses, meanwhile Morgana is honest of her feelings for Merlin towards Merlin himself.

Merlin and Morgana were never meeting/fighting on the same ground.

It's honestly heartbreaking, especially since Merlin never holds back on saying the same wonderful words of affirmation to Arthur, to Gwen, to the Knights, to Freya, to literally everybody else.. but he could never say them to Morgana's face.

btw saying only "i understand" and not much else sometimes isn't enough anymore.

....

I honestly do not know what else Morgana could say that will push Merlin to honesty. I think she might as well strip herself naked and he still wouldn't give in (and s4 showed us that he can and will use that kind of weakness against her. he already used her nightmares against her after all).

All I’m saying is that Morgana had always been so so so vulnerable and raw in front of him. Normally that would give an opening to the other person to let down their guard and rely on her. (see agravaine, helios, aithusa, mordred)

But Merlin never did that. He had so many chances to tell her the truth and be vulnerable himself but he never allowed himself that kind of right in front of her. We know that he desperately wanted to but he couldn't because had been repeatedly and ceaselessly warned/conditioned/brainwashed/manipulated that it was the worst idea, that going against his job orders will have consequences.

.....

But as they are in s3? where they are just free to pursue whatever goals they have independent of each other... with how radicalized and extremist they both already are? With how Merlin has already lost at least 4 loved ones for the sake of protecting camelot and destiny (sunken cost fallacy and all that)? nah. I can't see him being honest to anyone, especially enemies who have done and said things he morally detests, anymore.

Personally i think the only way for merlin to finally tell her his truth is to trap both them in some situation where they have to work together, or where morgana’s magic isnt enough , or where they both have no magic, or where the have joint responsibility of another life. THEY HAVE TO BE TRAPPED. TRAP THEM TOGETHER.

#bbc morgana #mergana #merlin x morgana #merlin critical #essays #this prompt is challenging #look i tried #but merlin has to have serious self introspection to admit that he was wrong #merlins not the type to fold when tortured #we've alraedy established that merlin would rather forget himself and die rather than live in freedom

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

#headcanons #I'm trying to stop apologizing for givint long answers cuz like #u asked also its well known im a talking machine and also its my kageblog. this is EXACTLY what the blog is for. #ask tag #ayashin divorce

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: Cold Comfort

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Omg it starts without her nasally monologue

Oh shit dead chick

OH SHIT NOT DEAD CHICK

How’d she thaw that quick

Oh she’s a sibling

[Normal cleaning again]  He’s still disinfecting from that cough  [He and Dean would get along, given their germaphobic ways]

His hero would be GW [Normal’s real name, btw, is Reagan Ronald] ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [You know how we know this?  Because he tells Alec to call him "Reagan" on his first meeting]  ☠️☠️☠️  [*sends screenshot of the script showing that conversation from “Two”*]  Normal you flirty dog

Who a poppa what  [Sivapathasundaram, I think.  According to the script online.]

That Lintlicker [Yup]  That’s Lintlicker

If he shrugs his damn shoulders. One more time.

["Bring Manticore to stage 3"  Ruh-roh]  Huh [Also, he calls him Deck alksdjf;laksdjf] I bet he does

I’m gonna not like her next season just cause of the hair! I like this hair

[Lydecker goes to capture one X-5, manages to completely miss the other one walking very pointedly towards her; buddy, you're just incompetent, okay?]  ☠️☠️☠️  [Legit.  Dude was right there]

Ma’am.  You don’t.  Touch.  Ya brother.  Like that.

Run over his toes Logan  [Doooo ittttttt]

"She got careless.  She got caught.  End of story."  Damn, Zach, you really never left Manticore for all you left Manticore, huh?  [Bitch then why did you go to her and tell her about this?  The Fuck?]

"This girl is gonna do what she’s gonna do, no matter what you or anyone else says. Now you’ve got two choices: back off or pitch in."  Poor Logan has learned this the hard way

You know what dumb blonde dude?  I don’t like you no more.  And is it solely because Logan is Tony… Maybe  [ngl, Logan's not bad this season.  Currently.]

Dude, Logan showing off

[Damn, but Zach is pissing me off]  I know

You know what?  Lintlicker is a horrible person, but he’s not racist. Gotta give him that.  [This is true!]

Okay, but this encounter between Max and Logan is pretty damn good, just saying.  Indeed, I'm coming to the conclusion that the s1!Max/Logan relationship actually... isn't that toxic.  Like, yeah, it’s got its issues, but it’s mainly not deeply problematic — just that she doesn’t want to admit that she’s growing close to him/developing a weakness, so she pushes him away; he’s refusing to admit his own feelings, so he pushes her away; and yet they both do care about the other, so it comes out in bickering and (should they have other relationships) light jealousy — in the way that “toxic” implies.  s2 is different, but s1?  Frankly, even the selfishness of her only going to him for help isn’t that problematic; they’re both, in essence, doing the same thing.  He offered his services as payment for her services, and they’re both trying to keep things professional despite their emotions not complying.  Like I said, s2 is different, but you’ll see that later.

These girls winking at him

OC!!! I love “the Afro puffs”

A smile!  I love it  [Half-smile]  Ya bastaaad  [You haven't seen him fully smile]  Yeah that won’t be for a while

☠️☠️  “Yummy”  I wouldn’t have trusted it  [AGREED]

"I'm an alcoholic; my name is Don" alkdsfja;lkdsjf  [Lintlickeraholic]

Oh god, my dude, shut up.  The music tho.  Is like he’s gonna turn into a monster and kill them all

"As you were" Buddy is damn military askldj  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [:(((]

[Poor Normal]  I KNEW HE SHOULDNT HAVE TRUSTED THEM

"As a small boy" aksldjflkajsf buddy!

“A HUMAN BRAIN”  [asdkfjlkj that's a lie, just to be clear]  I know

Herballl

This poor poor confused man

Buddy where are you putting the gun

These.  THESE PUNCHES.

His faces.  I’m dying.  Ded.  I’ve died.

[Okay, look, he's horrible, but.  It does bear mentioning that he knows their names still.  Just saying.]

This.  This bitch.  Just broke. His own finger. He is crazy af.  [Yup!  No excuses for him, but at least he holds himself to similar standards to those he holds his "kids", I guess?]  Meh, true.

– – –

Midpoint reaction: Ok so this one actually has my interest.  Zach… Well, buddy can go eat a di— he has annoyed me thoroughly, and Logan was very well composed to be dealing with such bullshittery.  So was the trainer — [Bling] — ‘cause, had buddy came at me with that attitude, I would have pressed on his wound and left.  

Lintlicker is *sigh*  well, he’s a bastard. Like, before I was just making fun of his name. But he was like just a typical bad guy looking for something he lost. He missed it everytime cause dudes kinda clueless. But yeah.  He is just a straight DICK in this one

And lastly WTF WERE THOSE PUNCHES

– – – 

☠️☠️☠️☠️ Omg  😂😂😂😂  [This is going wel- WHOA, DAMN, HERBAL!!!]  Herballl

Oh mah gawd im ded

This poor man  [This poor dude; all he tried to do was buy a messenger service!!!]

[Zach continues to annoy me.  I forgot he was this bad.]

Plot twist: Max comes back and they’re together.  [KSAJD;LFKJA;LDSKFJA;LKSFDJ]  Zogan  [Lach.  Because they LACH clothing]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [But also, please, god, no. That was a joke, nothing else!!!]

Oh Zach, shut up.  [Max and Logan are already bad enough about their relationship without you helping, buddy.]

Ma’am didn’t think this through too much

[Okay, it does bear mentioning; again, Lydecker is horrible.  But he does, perversely, care about his kids.  You'll see more later]  About like Brenner?  

– – –

Here we pause to have another “short” conversation:

Wench: Maybe, but more like... Like John.  Wants them skilled and capable and all; cares about them and will make the big sacrifices if necessary; has his priorities wayyyy the fuck wrong.  So, they keep bringing up the fact that Eva got shot.  And it's true, she did.  But --- and this is kinda a spoiler, but I've already spoiled it for you in past conversation, so... *shrugs* --- Lydecker has a supervisor at Manticore called Renfro.  And Renfro, later, kills one of Lydecker's "kids."  And it hurts/infuriates/bothers/whatever Lydecker so much that he actively turns his back on Manticore and helps Max/Zach/Logan/et al. start taking the place down.  (Assuming I'm remembering this correctly, but I think I am.)  He helps them break in, blow up the genetic stores that let them clone new soldiers, etc.  He's still around for part of season 2, ish, and he takes out more Manticore personnel (and, eventually, mysteriously disappears… I always figured he died for his betrayal, but I never read the books and don’t fully remember the show, so I don’t know if that’s confirmed/refuted).

Jezebel: Well shit! Respect… ish

Wench: Basically, he's like if you took Azazel and John and smushed them together.  His actions are largely inexcusable, but he does --- again, perversely and unhealthily --- care about them.  He wants them successful and doesn't much care about how he has to train them to get them there, but he still remembers their names, still cares about them, still wants them to be alive.  He pushes them to their limits, but, mostly, not beyond.  (e.g. yeah, that drowning scene was longer than was, per se, comfortable, but he also made sure no one died)  That doesn't rectify his behavior --- you know that I have very little fondness for either Azazel or John --- but it's something to consider.

Jezebel: Yeah I get it! I kinda hate it when they do that with characters, but like it at the same time. Hate, because if the guys bad. I want to not like him…. Not be able to justify him. But I like it cause I’m all about character development and a turn around story

Wench: He's definitely got the whole "Azazel's Chosen Kids" thing going, but it's not a competition; he's just got the weird, unhealthy care and willingness to do whatever it takes thing.  And he's very much like John in the abusive-as-fuck-but-also-distantly-cares thing.  Like, I don't like John --- he's horrible to all of his kids; his priorities are wayyy out of whack, and there are very few things that can be said to excuse his actions --- but I still accept that he cared about them.  It's one of those things that are hard to get; people can care, to some degree, about someone and still be unhealthy for them, you know?  And I think that he, at root, did care.  But a) he cared about revenge more and b) he felt that "keeping them safe" was equated with "caring" and "their only real, basic needs", and that screwed them up irreparably because his version of "being a good father" was not being a good father.  I think (hope) that was coherent… I’m still a bit drained from today, tbh, and I’m not sure I’m expressing myself well.

Jezebel: Oooof I feel ya.  And no, I fully get it

Jezebel, two seconds later: Wait, there are books?  And did I know that?

Wench: Yeah!  But apparently they're bad, treat Alec poorly, and don't do much with the story.  iirc. Idk, I haven’t read them for myself.  And no, I don't think you knew.

“Short” conversation of 20-plus minutes ends

– – – 

[Oof, this is already going well]  ☠️☠️☠️

[Also.  "Holy crap on Tuesday's toast" aksdjf]  Looool

Oh shit.  SHIT.

[Also, going back a few seconds… "You've got one of my kids"  See what I mean?]

☠️☠️☠️☠️ My dude

he said yes.  HE SAID YES!

NORMAL, you poor thing.  [I know right?!]

Omg.  I’m ded.  [No, Sketchy is]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Oh, wait, he's been revived  :)]

Oh shit, Brynn.  You good, buddy?  [OH SHIT I FORGOT THIS STORYLINE]

I don’t think you’re good

She's not good

Zach YOU good?  [Probably not]

[Max has no faith aksdfj  I don't remember if Lydecker is actually above-board in his betrayal or not, tbh, but I don't trust it, so.]

[Not Max annoying me again]  They knew they had to get someone hot for this role… ‘cause she’s so annoying.  Balance.   [alksjdflkasdjf ACCURATE]

[This dude gives me Samuel-Campbell-vibes, but he's not.]  Yeah I see it

“What I’ve got-”  (Is a specific set of skills)

Well hot damn  [“Deck” was ready]  Lintninja  [Oh no, not another nickname!  :)]

["Hung"?  "HUNG"?  HANGEDDDDDD, my dude.  HANGED]  ☠️☠️☠️ hung sounds better 👀🤷🏻‍♀️  [Bitch, no it doesn’t; it sounds grammatically incorrect.]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Once again: Lydecker with the perverse care for Brynn.  Is it in her best interests?  Hell, naw.  Is it genuine?  Yeah.

Aight, the tear got me… the face after lost it

These.  Well they don’t feel like normal sibling kisses.  Y’all too much.  [I knew you were gonna say something]

Ugly cry?  Ahhh wahhhh?  She old.  And y’all are just blowing all that wind in her face.

Poor Normal

☠️☠️☠️

[Okay, um.  Just saying.  Logan's shirt is nice.]  It is.

We ugly cried at each other for a little while. Then he took off

["So it couldn't be dusted for prints"  MA'AM HE ALREADY HAS YOUR PRINTS???? HE HAS YOUR GENETIC CODE, AND YOUR PRINTS FROM WHEN YOU WERE KIDS???  PRINTS DON'T REALLY CHANGE???]

– – –

Wench: askfdj that was such an abrupt end

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ bruh I was thinking the same damn thing.  Like… Wot

Wench: Anyway… endpoint reaction?

Jezebel: Lintlicker remains Lintlicker a little longer. BUT he gets some respect for the things he did in this one.

Wench: aka, still atrocious but not as bad as he could be? :)

Jezebel: Precisely.  And Zach…. Needs to learn to just suck it up. Cause *sigh* no. Just no.  Max was… Max. But not full on Max in this one. If that makes sense ☠️ she was bitchy but not in a god awful way.  Maybe because the ones she was bitchy to I don’t like, and she wasn’t to Logan.  Also how tf was she holding her self up to look like she was hanging… with her buttcheeks on the bar!?! Cause maams hands were down

Wench: kjzlksdjf;lakdjf;lkasjdf;lksajdflkajsdf;lkajsdf  I HAVE NO CLUE

Jezebel: Like. Could you imagine…. Being Brynn. Laying there dying and seeing that from the other side

Wench: How dare you put that image in my head???

Jezebel: Anyway.  Yeah!  I also LOVED.  LOVE LOVE LOVEDDDDDD.  The Jam Pony scenes

Wench: YESSSS  Herbal, OC, and Sketchy are amazing.  

Jezebel: They were very! Poor hippopotamus man, though

Wench: Poor Normal.  

Jezebel: Poor Normal’s toilet

Wench: Also, I can't remember Herbal being in s2, and it makes me sad.

Jezebel: Oh noooo

Wench: If he's there, he's got a way smaller role, but I don't think he is at all

Jezebel: But un-alas I really enjoyed this one!

Wench: Problem child; that's not a word.  (For those unfamiliar with my vernacular, “problem child” is not age-specific.  It’s a vibe thing.  My nine-year-older-than-me sister is as much a problem child as a five-year-old might be.)

Aight, that’s a wrap!  See y’all for next episode!

#dark angel #dark angel reactions #reactions #episode reactions #s01e07 #cold comfort #max guevara #logan cale #original cindy #sketchy #herbal thought #jezebel (pr)

[highpoly]

here’s that modeling summary... wow has it been a journey modeling hjrhgjfhg

models by meeee sionia designed & created by damien miku designed by KEI & created by crypton future media jasmine designed & created by dako (read dd btw)

under the cut will be my thoughts....hopefully i will sound cohesive and not crazy to you all

new years eve is here everypony...........cant believe it... i do have some plans...... which i shall write about in my journal later or if i forget to do that then i’ll probably write it about it on main

my modeling journey has been....something! idk i think me getting into 3D modeling has always made sense given how i’ve been using MMD since like the dawn of time (middle school) and i think getting into modeling now has been a lot less intimidating and less confusing. but i think things have changed so much... i feel like i’ve been thrown into this in someways because of this pandemic and i think experiencing everything right now feels so jarring, from crypto and AI losers, a certain bird site is going through rapid changes under a stupid man, i think the list can go on. it is.......a little defeating but oh well.

but to move onto some positives with my modeling journey is that i’ve certainly learned a lot and it feels weird. i didnt think i could ever rig something i made or get to create so many shapekeys, to get to paint/texture even more, learn about more functions and cool effects while modeling too and i guess i’d like to share what i’ve learned by breaking down the models i have made this year...

Sionia........that was kinda my first time doing some slight designing but i just went off of what damien had shared (i freaking love you damien btw if you’re reading this) and it was fun to model her, this was also a time where i was experimenting with physics and it wasn’t until much later i found a video on how to make smooth physics....... hjrghjfg maybe i’ll redo her physics one day but honestly i’d rather just make a brand new model (as if i don’t already have a long list of character/designs i’d like to model :3......)

Miku is the next model and wow did she take long. idk i made her when i was going through a really rough time HJHGRJGHF also i played around with normals as well but i realized it was all for nothing anyways bc with plugins like SphericalNormals for PMXEditor or Abnormal for blender saves you that trouble and idk i was referencing off of other models too and i realized it’s fine for some of the shadows to be weird for anime/toon-like shadows. i wish i didn’t spend so much time on her. i also wish i paid more attention to anatomy because i feel like my faces are fine, but then the bodies are a little off. idk i look at some other models from other artists and i feel like maybe i’m making my models too... idk how to word it but maybe i shouldnt be comparing anyways?

despite all of that, i’m happy i finished her at least, this was also the model that i learned how to add nicer physics which caused me to go back and fix a model for oomf, i got to make .spa textures to add highlights, and i enjoyed making shapekeys. which now that i’m thinking about it, i think i really enjoy making facial expressions (except blink/smiling expressions that will always kill me </3)

Jasmine is the last model and i based this design off of how she looked like in early death’s disciple (did i mention that you should be reading it? :3) and as i mentioned with my miku model earlier, i based her off of a certain game i like and the proportions they give to their characters just to test out different proportions but i dont think i did a very good job on it either LOL... kinda shot myself in the foot for that one too bc if i make future dd models i’ll have to base it off of that games proportions. or who knows maybe i’ll just remake jazzy again

this was the model that i had to learn sculpting for, it was fun learning that and getting to apply it via AlternativeFull from less was really rewarding. i’d like to go back and redo her hair and the rigging because i realized her jacket should have been rigged to 上半身2 (upperbody2) and not 下半身 (lowerbody)...those are my only things that i’d like to fix. also the issue with the hair is i feel like it’s too low and you can’t really pose it well as a result

so it’s now the end of this.......essay.... and i think something undeniable about my modeling is that i’ve grown and changed a lot compared to last year where i was making models but they weren’t there yet or ready to be used to make artwork. i have a lot to learn and i wanna practice more. i think i either am hard on myself or there are things in my personal life that make it hard.

i’ve been preparing to open commissions and i’m scared for a lot of reasons but i know if i’m scared i’ll never change or get out of what i’m experiencing personally right now so sorry to get personal LOL..... but i’m sick of living this way and i’ve been struggling a lot but hopefully i can turn this around with commissions.

i hope this year i can have income finally, that i’ll learn more about 3D modeling and get to practice everything that goes into creating a 3D model, and i hope i’m kinder to myself as well. i hope for my friends and anyone who is reading gets to accomplish their goals. i hope you can also take care of yourself as well. thank you for reading so far and happy new years!

#please dont say damn when you see how long this is HAJSDFHJASDFAS #but if you read this........Hi and really thank you rhgjfhjgfhgf

[jupitercl0uds]

ive just been reminded of stuff oh no

if youve read most of my posts since like mid august, maybe september onwards, youll know that i am STRUGGLING rn. while its been all over the place, having highs and lows, i seriously havent been this bad since 2020/21. i know the reasonable thing to do is take a break, but i cant do that because i have pitiful impulse control atm. that being said, the only thing to really stop me is to deactivate. my main blog's been going for years now, so i dont want to lose everything, though i also get the urge to occasionally.

the issue is, the only times i actually feel almost fully comfortable in a social circle is on tumblr and even then im still scared and awkward. my school friends keep saying really hurtful stuff and while a lot of it is just as a joke, theres almost no time to be serious with them. ive tried. i weakly asked them to stop calling everything retarded more months before finally putting my foot down and demanding, although it took a month of 'retard! whoops, i shouldnt say that' before they just went straight back to it.

my family loves me but i dont like it here. i dont think i even can get into it because its complicated. just know ive seen and HEARD a lot over my short life and its finally starting to catch up to me.

as for the other kids in my school, im in an awkward spot. im honestly fairly 'normal', just with slight outbursts from time to time, but ive always been weird so i always will be. oh, year 9 me, how naïve you were. they don't care if you have an autism diagnosis, if you mask or not, you will NEVER be normal, you will NEVER be accepted and they dont care if theres a reason. if anything, that makes it worse.

im only ever happy when im on tumblr or doing something sonic related. on tumblr, im insecure that nobody really likes me or someone's going to manipulate me, with no amount of reassuring being enough to change that. and as youve already seen me say, sonic is 'too childish', no matter how heavy the themes can be.

this always happens. pre-2020, i didnt really use social media much and i was 11 oldest, so my main escape was roblox/youtube. in 2020-22, i was only happy when chatting to friends on discord. that was ruined when we all started to argue and drift apart. in 2022-23, it was tiktok. this was then ruined when popular kids found my silly waluigi tiktoks and started sharing them around. i havent used tiktok since june and i havent posted a public video since may.

but then, last year, i remembered i had a tumblr account. i started to use it more. and then, when sonic got involved and suddenly i was becoming friends with people, i started to feel my absolute happiest. i was euphoric.

until, of course, my brain struck.

if my birthday werent at the end of august, i think i would be much worse than i currently am, because at least i had a short break to be happy. school was off to a bad start from the very beginning. i didnt sleep the night before my first day, nor did i sleep before the second. what's worse, mum didn't let me stop working at the charity shop i had THOUGHT was for the summer, because, you know, i dont have anything on my plate, im able to just have a designated day of the week where i have to be productive. nope! ive had my days off, but ive still had work every week. is it hard? no! do i have the spoons to go most weeks? also no!

thats not to mention exams. ive always been a well performing student and will be surprised if i fail even 1 gcse, but im not the top of any of my classes, not even the ones im passionate about. no, i dont have to be, i know, but when you grow up as a kid who often IS the top of their year in something, the moment you aren't, you feel like a failure. even if i get all 9s and a d* in drama, there'll be someone who gets more than me in something, and i know i definitely wont get all 9s and a d* in drama. i was proud for a moment, for being top of english, until i found out a girl ive known since primary got a 9 in an english language mock. english language. my favourite english and the subject im best at. needless to say, i was miserable. i barely even slept across the course of my mocks and wont be surprised if i do the same for my gcses.

i sometimes wonder if im just not built for the world, which could honestly be the case. because i have low support needs and my biggest problems are sensory issues (which can be easy to prevent) and social problems, i forget im even allowed to be disabled by autism. but i think that honestly might just be the case.

ive always wanted to be a teacher or an animator, hopefully both, but im starting to wonder if i can do either. animator has such a big workload. teacher also has a big workload, but i know because my family is full of teachers and artists that it's the kind of workload i can manage. but the kids? could i control the kids? could they even take an autistic, nonbinary teacher seriously? again, i dont have high support needs, but its hard not to notice im autistic. of course, if everything goes to plan, i would probably start teaching in the 2030s earliest, 2050s latest, so the world will have changed, but how much?

i get most of these are problems out of my control, but i suppose im just scared and tired of living. that's why i make a million posts a minute: i cant get a word in edgeways with anyone else. that's why i get so apologetic: id get ridiculed for trying otherwise. i get that im annoying and boring. i should know. when i was 3, my dad infodumped about back to the future to me for about half an hour and it was such a tiring experience that it still gets brought up. so i get it, it's annoying when all i care to talk about is sonic. but its the one thing i can care about right now. the world is in ruin and i hate being alive. i dont even have enough motivation to act upon any occasional suicidal/self harming thoughts.

but life goes on and there's no way to stop it.

#spouting to the void #whoops accidental vent #if you think ive proofread this youre sorely mistaken

[icantgetnosatisfaction]

I can get no satisfaction

I can get no satisfaction. Indeed. Also a good song.

Now I think of it, my life. Damnn. I live a weird life. indeed. I aint special but I surprise pple so does life towards me.

I shouldnt keep living this way. I realised that a few mins ago while trying lift my asses a bit higher and higher so that the vaginal tablet I inserted a moment ago dissolves inside and doesnt flow back around of my vulva. Why? Cuz I got an infection. How? Not sure. I fucked with two different guys in 3 days so no clue which one transmitted it to me lol. Or maybe the case even could be that I took it from a public wc. Who knows. ı went to damn gynecologist to get some pills but it turned out to be that ı have some fucking cists on my ovaries. Not only one, but two. Thats okay, although ı didnt have any symptoms to have one. Neat ha? Well, during this period, I actually thought I got hıv or hpv from a guy, I coulndt even fucking have sex with. AAHAHHAAH. Yes, that right. He fucking couldnt manage to fuck me but a little bit contact is enough to transmit a damn virus. Luckily, I worried for nothing. Was negative for good for once. What elsee, oh so because of the cyst I cant really have sex. It can be problematic and ı dont have time to deal with that anyway. Gotta study. So that ı can get into a damn university far from my town. Thats the easy part tho. At least ı got the instructions and doing it without caring much. I need to figure out what to do after this phase. This long, boring, dull face. I am so sick of going to hospitals. I hate it. I may hate many things. or hate is a strong word. maybe should say "dislike"? yep that works. I dislike many things. About my health, its even way more fucked up but I am too lazy to write it down here so screw it.

It came to my mind today, out of clock, How often do we think about other people and not about ourselves? I dont mean to sound like implying anything or scolding, but seriously? How often do we think about other people? Friends, exes, family members, the pretty girl on the bus, crushes, teachers? All the people somehow related to our life experince but not ourselves. How many percentage goes to us and how much left to others? How much is considered healthy and what are right measures for it? %50 to %50 or %70 us to %30 for others, or the reverse? I think ıts more normal if we think more about ourselves and less about others. Although I dont think our thoughts, our comments, our words are mostly about us. I think what we do mostly judging, evaluating , cutting into pieces, chipping others and hanging whats left to our wall, mind. And play them in the background lol

Honestly, We dont think of ourselves. consciouslyü, like ever. almost never. we try to understand people actions and try to read their words but do we ever think why do we do what to we do? or how do we do what to we do? or why do we do how do we do? We dont really think most of the times. Think of the moments, u spoke or made an action with a further thought behind it. Even most of those are habits or reflexes. I tell you you became what u are and yet you are still the same. including myself. Continue to think what others saying, doing, going so you forget your pathetic life. I aint rude my friends, just move your ass, dont peek on peoples asses, mind your fucking business.