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bupia · 7 months

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8, 31, and 40 with Mountain and an afab reader? Please? I'm very happy to have found you, by the way. I'm going to do my best not to send a lot of these.

SHOWER SEX

"I've been wondering how it feels like..." "I'm worried I won't be good enough." "I have no idea how to go about this."

There's a smut under the cut, +18 only, please.

(AFAB!Reader: dirty talk; swearing; unprotected sex; p in v; breeding)

Available on AO3

Day 15 | Day 17

After each ominous black mass, the only thing that beckoned to your weary soul was a soothing hot shower and the embrace of rest. It wasn't that the ceremonies were particularly intricate; typically, the first week was more talk than action. No, the real issue lay in their timing. They commenced far too late in the night, a cruel coincidence following a taxing day of ministerial duties. You had grown tired of Papa Emeritus III's lengthy sermons; in fact, you suspected that he, too, harbored a desire to be anywhere but there. His distant gaze often hinted at better things he could be doing.

But in that moment, nothing else held any significance; it was time for a hot and soothing shower. You had already made your way to the bathroom. While at the ministry, all the siblings typically used the communal showers, fortune favored you that night as you found the room to be empty.

You began to undress, taking off your habit one piece at a time, and neatly placing them on one of the sinks. The sensation of finally shedding those layers of clothing after a long and grueling day was pure relief.

You glanced at yourself in the mirror, finally removing the last piece of clothing. With a towel in hand, you were just about to head into the shower when an unexpected noise at the door startled you. Frustration welled up within as you couldn't fathom how your precious moment of solitude and relaxation was about to be shattered by the intrusion of some fellow sibling.

Quickly, you unfolded the towel and readied yourself to cover your body, but before you could do so, you found yourself locking eyes with the unexpected intruder. It was Mountain, one of the Ghouls from the ministry. In that awkward moment, as his gaze met your naked form, everything he held in his hands fell to the floor with an audible thud.

For what felt like an eternity, the two of you remained locked in a silent, intense gaze, as though time had come to a standstill. It could have been mere seconds, or perhaps a minute, before the tension finally reached its peak, and you let out a piercing scream that would have alerted anyone nearby.

Mountain swiftly closed the distance between you, his hand clamping down firmly on your mouth to stifle the scream. His eyes were wide with alarm, mirroring your own. In this peculiar moment, neither of you could tear your gaze away from the other's eyes.

As your frantic heartbeat began to slow, Mountain cautiously withdrew his hand from your mouth, the silence between you still heavy with the weight of what had just transpired.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he stammered, his voice filled with genuine remorse. "I thought no one would be here at this hour. I was planning to use the Ghoul's communal bathroom, but it's a complete mess in there right now."

Reassuringly, you responded, "That's okay, don't worry. It's completely fine. I'm the one who should apologize for screaming; I didn't mean to."

A faint smile crossed Mountain's face, and he chuckled, "I don't blame you. I'm guessing you weren't expecting company either, were you?"

"Not at all!" you exclaimed.

"If you'd prefer, I can wait outside or wander around the ministry for a while and return later." Mountain offered.

"No, please, you're already here. It's perfectly fine with me!" you quickly responded.

"Okay," he said, turning his back to you and walking back to where his belongings had been scattered on the floor.

He bent down, starting to pick them up one by one, a slight hint of frustration in his movements. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. To be honest, you did have a bit of a something on him, or maybe it was more than that. Perhaps it was his height, the tenderness in his voice, his smile, his eyes, his hands, or simply him. As you continued to watch him, a smile crept onto your lips, making you momentarily forget about the awkward situation.

But from the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of your own naked reflection in the mirror. Cursing under your breath, you swiftly grabbed your towel, wrapping it around yourself.

"So, are you really okay with me staying?" Mountain asked once more, concern etched on his face.

"Absolutely," you assured him with a warm smile.

"Thank you."

He moved to the sink, placing his things on its surface. Slowly, he removed his mask and ran his fingers through his hair, taking a deep breath. You observed him with keen interest; it was a rare privilege to see the Ghouls without their masks, and being in their presence during such moments was almost like a special treat. Mountain placed his mask on the sink and cast a warm, gentle smile your way through the mirror. Your cheeks flushed deeply, and you managed to return his smile with one of your own.

As he began to unbutton his clothes, your mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts. You swiftly made your way to one of the shower stalls, stepping inside and taking a deep, calming breath. You couldn't help but be tempted to sneak a peek at his actions, but you knew you shouldn't – it wouldn't be right.

With determination, you hung your towel on the stall door, placed your soap and shampoo on the little shelf and turned on the shower, adjusting it to your desired temperature. As the water flowed and embraced you, you let out a relieved sigh. Your hands reached into the cascading stream, and slowly, your entire body was immersed in its soothing embrace, washing away the lingering tension.

You closed your eyes, allowing the warm water to envelop you in a soothing, comforting embrace. It was precisely what you needed after the unusual encounter. But then, the sound of another shower turning on broke your reverie, causing you to open your eyes and stare at the stall's door. You had nearly forgotten that you weren't alone.

With a slow, cautious turn of your head, you glimpsed Mountain standing under the shower's cascading water, his eyes closed and a serene smile gracing his face. Somehow, he looked endearingly cute in that moment. A giggle escaped your lips, drawing his attention as he opened his eyes. Quickly, you averted your gaze and turned your back toward his direction, making your way to your soap, attempting to regain your composure.

"Thank you again for letting me stay," Mountain expressed his gratitude.

You continued to rub the soap between your hands, your focus shifting to the suds forming in your palms. "You don't have to thank me that much, Mounty," you responded, still not meeting his gaze.

"Mounty?" he questioned.

As he repeated the nickname, your soap slipped from your grasp, landing with a soft thud on the shower floor. Quickly, you bent down to retrieve it, placing it back in its designated spot.

"Y-Yeah," you stammered, feeling slightly flustered. "I'm sorry, I tend to give people nicknames sometimes."

He chuckled softly, making your heart skip a beat. "I liked it."

A surprised smile broke through your shyness as you turned to look at him. "You did?" you asked, your curiosity evident.

Mountain nodded and smiled back at you. With renewed confidence, you picked up your soap once more, this time focusing on washing yourself.

"So how's your shower going?" Mountain inquired, his eyes fixed on you.

You continued to lather the soap on your skin as you replied, "It's fine. And yours?"

Mountain nodded, a serene smile on his face. "It's good. I needed it."

The idea crossed your mind – what if you took a chance and said something more? What if you tried to flirt a little? But should you? He was there, you were here, and you could make a playful attempt to flirt with him. After all, you were alone, and no one would overhear your subtle advances toward the intriguing Ghoul that had captured your interest.

"It would be better if you were here," you blurted out, surprised by your own words.

Mountain's expression shifted to one of curiosity. "What?" he inquired.

"What?" you repeated, feigning innocence.

"You said something. What was it?" he insisted.

"I said nothing," you attempted to brush it off.

"No, you definitely said something."

"Did I?" you stalled.

Mountain chuckled, turning off his shower. "You did. What did you say?"

With a deep breath, you confessed, "I said that... It would be better if you were here."

He smiled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I see... So you want me to come over?"

"Only if you want to," you responded, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

"I want to."

He exited his shower stall, and you watched him with anticipation as he made his way to your stall. He stopped in front of it, and you unlocked the door for him. He opened the door, revealing his tall, wet, and naked body. Your cheeks turned a deep shade of red as your eyes took in the sight before you. Mountain took a step closer and closed the door behind him.

"Hi," he greeted with a playful grin.

"Hi," you replied, feeling a rush of excitement and anticipation.

"Feeling better now?" he asked.

"Extremely," you admitted, a bashful smile gracing your face.

Mountain's giggles reverberated in the shower stall as he leaned against the wall. "Thank you for the invitation."

"You're welcome," you replied, your voice tinged with shyness.

He nonchalantly gestured toward his own shower. "I must admit, the view from here looks better than from there."

"Could you see me from your shower?" you asked, curiosity piqued.

He shrugged. "Not entirely, but from here, I have a more privileged view."

A hint of a smile played on your lips. "And are you enjoying the view?"

"Very much," he replied, biting his lower lip, sending a delicious shiver down your spine.

You placed the soap back in its spot and took a step closer to him. Extending your hand, you reached for him, your fingertips tracing a delicate path from his belly to his chest. His skin was warm and smooth beneath your touch. His breath caught at your touch. You smiled as you felt him contracting his body muscles beneath your fingers.

"Are you not going to take a shower, Mountain?" you inquired, your voice barely above a whisper.

He leaned in closer, his eyes locked onto yours, and he replied, "I will, but that's not what I'm thinking about right now."

You swallowed nervously. "Oh? So, what are you thinking about right now?"

With a seductive grin, he confessed, "Kissing you."

"You want to kiss me?" you inquired, your heart racing with anticipation.

Mountain's gaze bore into yours, his eyes filled with desire. "Yes, but only if you want me to."

With a whispered affirmation, you confessed, "I do."

Mountain lowered his body, his hands gently cradling your cheeks, and he closed the distance between you two. Mountain's kiss was intense and passionate, igniting a fire within both of you. As his arms enveloped you, drawing you closer, your own arms found their place around his neck, pulling him nearer. Your bodies pressed together, melding in a heated embrace, and you kissed each other with fervor. Your tongues danced, exploring the depths of each other's mouths, and joy and desire coursed through you.

His hands moved up and down your body, skillfully touching you in all the right places, sending shivers down your spine. The kiss grew increasingly fervent, stoking the flames of desire within you. Your hands roamed over his shoulders, back, and hips, as the sensations intensified.

The water from the shower continued to cascade over your entwined bodies, soaking you both. As you pulled away, your breath came in rapid gasps. With a swift and decisive move, Mountain turned you around, guiding you out of the shower and pressing your back against the stall wall. His eyes were filled with desire as he gazed down at you, and a devilish grin curved his lips. You bit the corner of your lower lip, your heart swelling with happiness as your body tingled from the intensity of the kiss.

"Is it okay if I want more?" Mountain whispered, his voice filled with desire.

"To kiss me?" you asked, your voice trembling with anticipation.

He shook his head, leaning closer to you, pressing his body against yours. Your eyes widened as you felt his hardness pressing against your thigh.

"It's totally fine," you whispered, brushing your lips against his.

"Are you sure?"

You nodded, your desire and longing clear in your eyes. "I'm sure."

You wrapped your fingers around his hardness and gave it a gentle squeeze. He moaned softly and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. You continued to stroke him, feeling his arousal grow beneath your touch. You could feel his heartbeat thumping in his member, and you smiled as you thought of how good it would feel inside you. You stroked him faster, and Mountain gasped out loud. He opened his eyes and looked into yours.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" he asked, his voice raspy.

You nodded and bit your lip. "Yes, please."

Mountain leaned in to kiss you once more, a sense of urgency driving his movements. His lips met yours with a burning need, and he pressed his tongue against your parted lips, exploring the depths of your mouth. His hands moved up and down your body, each touch electrifying and sending shivers of pleasure coursing through you.

His hands reached for your face, tilting your head and deepening the kiss. The air was thick with a mix of ragged breaths and soft moans that escaped both of you. Your leg roamed along one of his, eventually coming to rest on his hips. The physical contact was electrifying, sending sparks of pleasure shooting throughout your body. Your hips started to grind against his erection, and you felt his hands sliding across your ass, pulling you closer to him.

You broke the kiss and stared deep into his eyes. "Please," you breathed, your voice barely audible.

"Turn around," he said, his voice gruff with desire.

You did as instructed, turning around, facing away from him. He grabbed your hips, and you placed your hands on the wall. He slowly began to push his length into you. You let out a soft whimper as his member entered you, stretching you open. He paused for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size. Then he slowly pushed himself further into you, inch by inch. You gasped and moaned, feeling every inch of him filling you.

"Oh..." you groaned, grinding your hips against his. "So big..."

Mountain groaned loudly and began thrusting into you. He moved slowly at first, but soon picked speed. Pumping into you harder and deeper. You arched your back, meeting his thrusts.

"How can you be this wet?" he inquired, with a mischievous smile. "Did you want my cock that bad?"

"Yes..." you purred.

He moved his hips, sliding his length in and out of you. You moaned loudly, your pleasure mounting as he thrust into you faster and harder. Mountain reached up and grabbed your shoulders, pulling you close to him. You threw your head back and closed your eyes, as you felt his member sliding in and out of you.

"Mmm... Mounty..." you growled, biting your lower lip. "Yes, fuck me, yes-! Oh! It's so good, fuck..."

"Is it good?" he whispered, lowering his face to your neck, pressing hungry kissed on your skin. "You like my cock inside you? Does it feels good?"

"Feels amazing! Ah... M-Ohn... Don't stop, please!" you cried out, your body writhing in pleasure as Mountain pouded into you.

The water splashed over his body, drenching you both. You cried out again, louder this time, as Mountain slammed into you, his length hitting your right spot over and over. He grunted, wrapping his arms around you, pressing your back onto his body. His teeth biting gently your neck, as he picked up speed on his pace, slamming into you, hitting your cervix over and over.

"So tight... Ah! So tight and hot for me, what a good pussy to fuck," he whispered, breathing heavily close to your ear.

"Mountain, Oh my Satan! You fuck so good, yes, yes, yes!" you whimpered. "Oh! You fuck me so good."

Mountain withdrew and turned you to face him. He bent down, kissing you deeply, his tongue dancing inside your mouth, causing you to moan with pleasure. He then slid his length back into you, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him hungrily. The connection between your bodies was electrifying.

Breaking the kiss, your bodies pressed together, and Mountain gazed at you with a smile. His hands reached for your legs, lifting them onto his hips and holding them firmly. You wrapped your legs around him, locking your ankles behind his back. Your arms held him tight, your fingers intertwined in his hair. Mountain began to thrust into you, and you moaned, your head falling back.

"Yes-yes-yes-yes! Oh, my sweet Mounty, you fuck me so fucking good!" you screamed out.

The tip of his member brushed against your cervix, and you gasped. Your walls tightening around his member. Mountain smiled at you and thrust into you once more, your body squeezing his tight. He quickened his movements, and you squeezed your legs around his waist, trying to pull him deeper into you. Your breathing became ragged, your body trembling with pleasure.

"Your pussy takes my cock so well," he said looking straight at your eyes. "So fucking good, it feels so good... You have no idea how good your tight pussy feels around my fucking cock... Fu-! Ah!"

"Mounty... I- I don't think I can... Ah!" you moaned softly, rolling your eyes in pleasure. "I don't think I can hold anymore..."

"It's okay, I'm going to cum soon too, cum with me," he said, panting heavily.

He growled softly, and you felt him press his thumb against your clit, rubbing it in small circles. Your eyes widened and your breath caught in your throat. You felt yourself building up towards an orgasm, and you knew that you wouldn't be able to hold off much longer. His fingers moved faster, rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts.

"Mountain!" you screamed, your orgasm bursting through your body like a dam breaking. Your entire body tensed, as his thumb kept rubbing your clit fast.

"Yes! That's it! Cum for me, yes, just like that!" Mountain groaned and held onto you tighter. "You came so good, I'm going to fill you, I'm going to cum inside of your tight pussy," as he said it, his member pulsed inside you, spurting his hot seed into you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your body convulsing, clenching your walls around his member. You cried out as you milked his member, wanting every last drop. Your wall pulsing around him shaft, feeling him filling you deep inside.

You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. You felt him wrap his arms around you and kiss your forehead. You sighed contentedly, slowly releasing your legs from his grip. Slowly, he untangled himself from you, causing you to shiver as you felt his cum dripping out of you.

Mountain's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. He leaned in, placing a delicate peck on your lips. A smile graced your face as you reached out, caressing his wrist with your hand.

"Should we stop wasting water now?" Mountain asked in a playful tone.

You chuckled and nodded. "Yes," you agreed with a teasing glint in your eyes. "Next time, we should turn off the water."

Mountain leaned in, whispering, "Or maybe we can find another place," and then claimed your lips in another passionate kiss.

#kinktober #ghost band #ghost bc #the band ghost #ghost the band #smut #mountain #mountain ghoul #mountain smut #mountain ghost #mountain x reader #nameless ghoul #nameless ghouls #nameless ghoul smut

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shiny-jr · 2 months

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pardon my late message i've been letting letting the current damnation chapters sink in the past couple of days after finally taking the quiz (im am still waiting with baited breath but like in a chill way for the rest) but HOLY. MOLY.

i did indeed notice that the MC's have different morality stances, and they match their crimes (granted im still trying to figure out which one did what. cuz rn i got stuck on iago coming fraud or tax evasion, even though theyre super down with murder, but like raven is WAY more down to murder somebody. im just nit paying enough attention to figure it out, really. im having too much fun vibin)

2 THE WAY THE CHARACTERS MAY NOT START OUT ENTIRELY YANDERE FOR THE MC AND INSTEAD DEVELOP THE OBSESSION FOR THEM LATER ON 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌😭😭😭😭😭 BRILLIANTBRILLIANTBRILLIANT. ok so i got heartslabyul on my first attempt so it wasnt as like "obvious" even though trey and cater are both instantly "shocked" i was like "that could just be bc our character is weird it doesnt necessarily mean they yandere switch has been flipped pshaw! 🤭" BUT THEN eventually i got to pomfiore and epel confirmed it when he was like "ive been imagining things i never did before!" and i was like "oh snap! WAIT is *THIS* part of the punishment? like not JUST being sent to another world that is based on a story, but specifically a YANDERE DEATH TRAP? 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯"

cuz like, sure, the MC is doing what they can to survive but depending on which one theyre fine to just vibe and let the story take its course if theyve got a good chance to survive not doing anything special. but then the story always gets WEIRD, RIGHT?! stuff always goes wrong! was that part of the vision? or am i going conspiracy crazy?

anyway AMAZING WORK. also you really fed the vil simps on that one story. i thought i was over him and content to be like rook and admire from afar but that SCENE with his hands wrapped around the retainer 🥵 i darn near short-circuited. HOW DARE YOU! (please continue 😉)

its hard to choose a favorite story in this series and i dont want to speak too soon before theyre all out. but i do have favorite bits in each of them.

and i just love the endings to them all. i love the bittersweet nature of all the endings. like none, of them are really romantic in a comforting way (duh its a yandere story) but they do vary in romance level. like by far i think riddle's azul's and vil's are the most romantic while leona and jamil are quite cold and calculating or in jamil's case mostly possessive and manipulative on the surface. it's VERY interesting.

and also bc im silly and you brought up the yandere-ness of the other characters, i start to wonder what happens next in these stories (im not asking for sequels. oh heavens no! never! unless you wanted to, but im mostly just brainstorming character relationships and potential conflicts). like in the savannaclaw story, ruggie and jack are also glued to the MC but not in a really romantic way? ruggie has that "i want to be your #2/by your side forever" which could go either way, but to me initially reads as "jack was pushing his way into MY spot and i want to guarantee he cant have it" rather than a "one day i'll deserve to be by your side romantically and for now i want to ensure i'll always have that opportunity by being next to you and a priority of yours" and then comes leona's proposal at the end, and i was thinking "uhhh but mc is by your side as consort, then ruggie gets pushed out of his spot in favor of the husband taking over. even though ruggie could still be an advisor and confidant, its still like 'move over dude theres another taking priority over you" and then that gets me wondering "what would happen if MC turned down leona? what kinda havoc would he wreak if any? does that put the village in jeopardy if he gets pissed off? what if they accept and they're STILL screwed bc he stops paying attention to the village after he gets the throne? and then the chieftain is taken into the palace and away from the village and has no way back and theyre left to basically flounder without them?"

also i really like how you end your stories with pseudo-cliffhangers? i mean they are but also the plot is mostly resolved and whatever major things that needed to happen happened. and its just the character resolutions and epilogues you dont see. its entertaining. like i said, i like to imagine what happens next and you really leave some stuff open for that.

anyway! thank you so much for sharing your stories!

Oh, for the crimes, just look at one of the questions which I believe asks what you (the quiz taker/MC) committed. Those are currently five of the seven crimes I've listed before, and each MC has committed at least ONE of them. But, they could've always committed more too.

On that other topic, of characters going yandere, one thing I hate is when reading a story and for some reason the characters are already obsessed with the MC but for absolutely no apparent reason. And me personally, I enjoy a bit of build up, which is why I try to implement some in my writing. Which can be a bit hard to do within forty pages when all these other things are happening, but I manage for the most part.

#shiny speaks #damnation twst au

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xenia-cenia · 1 year

Text

Restoring What's Been Lost - Ruggie Bucchi x Fem!Reader

Thank you @cursedcola for letting me take inspiration from their post here! Give it a read, it's super good!

Guess who stayed up 5 (count em! 5 WHOLE HOURS!) on just writing this alone just for me to STILL Not be happy with the ending

2,945 words

TWs: hurt to comfort, bullying, loosing something important, reader is Yuu/MC, reader has long enough hair to get on their face, uhm this did not go the way I was expecting sorry, tangled is my favorite disney movie as you can tell, uhhhh this got kinda brutal, unedited, stayed up all night on this, hospital (nurses office but yknow), maybe OOC?

Your fingers twisted around a small tuft of hair, the smell of his shampoo escaping to the air the more you explored. His head was in your lap, his nose pressed firmly against your stomach, and his thumb slowly caressing the small of your back. Gently, as if he were afraid you'd break if he pushed too hard. You smiled softly, tenderly untangling a knot he'd missed, your tightly woven bracelet hitting the back of his head each time you moved your right wrist. His room was already filled with soft touches of you, your favorite snacks stuffed in drawers, a gift he was planning to give you for your upcoming anniversary, but none of it compared to when you sat with him. The soft dip in the mattress cover, the way you tend to hum to fill the silence.

"Ruggie?" You mumbled, hand drifting to his fluffy ears. He twitched in response, a low hum filling his throat. "I need to get up."

"...why?" His voice was muffled by the fabric of your shirt which he had nuzzled his face even deeper into. "Can't cha' just stay?"

You pushed his head off your lap, his bright blue eyes meeting yours. "Come with me."

He blinked. "With you? Thought you had some sorta Ramshackle thing and it was top-secret."

"What? Who told you that? Was it Grim? Ugh. It totally was. No, you can come. He's just jealous that I've been busy with you."

Ruggie smiled, reaching his hand up to pull on the collar of your shirt, bringing your head down to where he could press a kiss against your lips. His fingers stayed wrapped in the fabric, the warmth of his hands nearly matching the heat quickly rising to your face. He exhaled onto your lips, his freezing breath shocking you back to reality. Slowly, he let go of your shirt, bringing his hand to your face and brushing away a few loose hairs. "I'd be jealous, too." He finally whispered, his eyes scanning each feature on your face. "You... you're addicting."

"Rugs..." You mumbled, the pet name quirking your lips upward, "What is with you today?"

He hesitated, his fingers frozen in the air, "...I dunno."

"We're gonna be late."

"Grim can wait."

You frowned fondly, flicking his cheek lightly, "That's rude."

"So?"

"Ruggie."

"Ugh, fine." He got up from under you, steadying himself by pressing his hand on your shoulder, letting it linger longer than it needed to, and forced himself off the mattress. He raised his hands to the ceiling, fingers interlocked and eyes shut, a satisfying stretch to get him back to the real world.

You followed him, quickly moving across the room and grabbing your things as you went, you threw open his closet and stole a hoodie.

"Hey." He spoke, not even having to look at you to know what you'd done.

"Girlfriend tax."

He rolled his eyes, keeping his body turned away so you couldn't see the embarrassing smile on his lips. "You're gonna be the death of me."

"If only you were so lucky." You came up behind him and kissed his shoulder, "You ready?"

"If I say no, can we-"

"No."

"Then, yeah. Ready." He stepped towards the door and outstretched his hand for you, head still pointed at the ground. You smiled and closed the distance, weaving your fingers together, giggling at how quickly he marched out the door.

You had been dating for nearly two months now, and he still gets flustered by the proximity. You'd think it were cute, if not for the teasing he gets for it from other Savanaclaw students. You'd say something yourself, if not for the... well, just about everything. It was hard enough to survive as a Magicless student at a Magic school, no need to spice things up by provoking people. Not like you don't know how to defend yourself, of course. (It was one of the first things Ruggie insisted you know.)

Your bracelet sank down your wrist, the faded pink, black, and white yarn tickling his hand. He wrinkled his nose at the feeling, attempting to move the bracelet more toward you with his thumb without you noticing. You laughed at him, unlinking your hands and switching to the other side of him.

"Sorry. Forgot you hate it." You spoke, rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand in apology.

"'S whatever." He mumbled, spare hand playing with his scarf. "Where did you get that anyhow?"

Your grip on his hand loosened a small ingenuine smile on your lips. "It's, ah. Home. I guess."

He shut his mouth, wincing at your sorrowful tone. Dammit. He knew better than to bring up anything related to where you're from. He looked at you out of the corner of his eye, watching how you followed the curve of the pavement with your eyes.

"What're you meeting with Grim for?"

"Tuna budget."

Ruggie snorted, his head tilting up. "Course that cat doesn't listen to what you say."

You squeezed his hand, the faintest hint of a smile starting to grow on your face, " Ruggie Bucchi, are you seriously jealous of Grim?"

"Jealous? Me? Naw. He's just a little freak, that's all."

"You should tell him that. In fact- oh." You were cut off by Ruggie's phone beeping incessantly. Ruggie let go of you and reached for it, shoulders drooping when he saw who was calling him. "Leona?" You asked before he could say anything. He nodded.

"'M sorry, I gotta-"

You stood on your toes and kissed his cheek, "It's okay. I'll see you later. Keep your phone on, though."

He looked between you and his phone before walking back toward the dorm, the phone pressed to his ear.

You sighed, watching as he disappeared inside, and walked towards the Mirror back to Ramshackle.

After leaving the Hall of Mirrors, you were surprised to see a mix of Pomefiore and Diasomnia students standing outside the door. They went silent as you passed, each of their pointed glares locked onto you. You quickened your pace, heart racing when you looked back and realized the group was gone.

You searched through your pockets for your phone as you walked, legs starting to tremble. There was a part of you that was livid, sick of avoiding the student's cruel streaks and hoping Ruggie or Leona would notice in time to help. But the fear outweighed the anger, the reality that there were 3 of them and only one of you.

It started small. Eggs were thrown at Ramshackle, something that could be attributed to a stupid prank. Then the windows on the first floor were shattered, then your things started to go missing. Clothes, homework, just about anything that wasn't bolted down was gone.

You'd wanted to tell Ruggie. You did - it wasn't just a purposeful ignorance of the situation that kept your mouth shut, it was the exhaustion in his eyes. He didn't need another task. Another person to worry about. Another person to protect.

It wasn't like they threatened you directly, anyway. Just your things. You could get new things. Hide them in different places. Sleep in the bathroom with the door locked. Hide a knife in each drawer.

No, you were fine. You had Grim! Well, kind of. He was always doing his own thing, the only thing he noticed being gone was the tuna. But even so, it wasn't that bad. Right? Right.

As you hurried back to Ramshackle, you were acutely aware of how fast the sun was setting and the shuffling sounds of footsteps behind you. Your mind was racing - should you run? Where would you run to? Are you faster than them? Is Ramshackle even safe? Could you pull your phone out and call Ruggie fast enough? Would he be mad?

"Hey." A gruff voice from behind you called out, quiet snickering quickly following it. "Hey!" The voice got louder, accompanied by a hand grabbing onto your shoulder.

You slowly turned to the assailant, a trembling smile on your face. "C... can I help you?"

The student, with sweeping brown hair and pristine skin, smiled at you. He removed his hand from your shoulder, taking a step away from you. Before you could fathom why, the wind was knocked out of your lungs as a fist plunged into your chest. You were knocked to the ground, your arms scratching against the cement.

You looked up to see a pair of Diasomnia students with bright red hair and matching grins, one pulled out his Magical Pen as the other grabbed you by the collar and punched you in the face. You choked on your spit, lips tightly pressed together to stop yourself from giving any sort of reaction. The other student grabbed your hair and pulled it, lighting a mild fire spell against your forehead, and applying increasing amounts of pressure.

Your hands rose to defend yourself, but before you could fight back the other dug his nails into your wrist and twisted it. You felt tears in your eyes as a strangled sound left your throat, but kept twisting. The brown-haired student walked towards your twisted wrist and slid off your bracelet, twirling it between his fingers.

"N-no... ngh!" You tried to protest, but the student twisting your wrist switched to punching your nose.

"Hmm." The brown-haired student smiled, "A bracelet from another world, belonging to NRCs one and only female student. Who knows how much it'll sell for?" He pocketed the bracelet and nodded toward the other two before walking off back to the Hall of Mirrors.

One of the Diasomnia students grunted, letting go of you and following after. The one holding your hair shoved you to the ground, laughing at how your head knocked against the cement and quickly caught up with the other two.

Your vision blurred as you stared at the sky, burning pain shooting through your ribs with each shaky breath. Tears slid down your face, sobs muted by the harsh wind. You raised your left hand, bringing it to your forehead and wincing at the heat that remained. You shut your eyes tightly, unable to withstand the burning, and felt your hand search through your pockets before the world faded away.

...

Ruggie felt bad enough for leaving you as is, but then to check his phone and see 10 missed calls? He was overcome with guilt and an uncomfortable sensation at the bottom of his stomach - it wasn't pain or nausea, just a sense of unease.

He would've made an excuse for ditching Leona's chores, but seeing as Leona was already passed out, he didn't see the need. He flung a wet towel over his shoulder hoping he could get back to work after checking in with you.

As he walked through the dorm, he kept recalling your number. The first time you didn't answer he was annoyed. By the third he was worried. By the twelfth, he was sprinting to Ramshackle.

It was so dark he almost missed his, but his body knew more than his mind, he knew the smell of your perfume, and he stopped in his tracks. He snapped his head around, searching, until he could finally see a crumpled body lying on the ground.

Ruggie has always considered himself to be calm in an emergency. He'd seen his fair share of them back home, after all, but there was always a layer of separation. Or a knowing that things weren't safe. Or some other intangible difference he couldn't put his finger on, maybe it was just the fact that it was you.

He hadn't remembered what had happened after he realized that it was you on the ground, but the next thing he could remember was shaking his leg outside the nurse's office, crouching against a wall with his fingers steepled above his head. His head felt foggy, like everything before and after you were just a distant memory, some irrelevant event. No, none of it was as important as you. He'd lose everything, anything, just to see you smile again. Or hear you hum, your eyes shut in content as he watched you.

Mesmerizing. You were mesmerizing. He knew this. He's known this. It felt like a trick for you to have any interest in him, and it felt even cheaper for him to love you back just to take you away.

How cruel could someone be to do this to you? You? Stunning, shining you?

He loved you. He's never said it. But he knew it. He's known it. He loves you.

He loves you.

It took 4 hours and 39 minutes for the nurse to come into the hallway and catch his teary gaze, a gloved hand beckoning him inside. He felt his heart would catch in his chest, anxiously following the nurse to your bedside.

When he laid eyes on you, he wanted to collapse. To sink to his knees and start breaking things. He almost wished the only time he'd seen you like this was under the cover of night, where he could pretend your injuries weren't as severe as they were. To never see you covered in bandages, a tube with a healing potion slowly dripping into your mouth, open wounds trailing down your right arm.

"I..." He kept his eyes on you, hand cautiously grabbing yours, "Is she...?"

"She'll be fine."

He exhaled, thumb caressing the back of your hand. A tense breath left his lips as he stared at your wrist. "...her bracelet. Did you take it off?"

"She didn't have a bracelet."

"Don't lie to me. She always wears that."

"Mr Bucchi, I-"

Ruggie stood and left the nurses office, his fingers digging into his palms.

It never takes long to find information, not for him at least. It took even less time to put names on the three students selling the 'otherworldy' bracelet, and to find them alone.

The Diasomnia students, twin brothers with a penchant for violence. They never thought well for themselves, often taking orders or cheating those around them. The only ally they had was a Pomefiore student who vied for Housewarden. He was not above tricking and using those around him, as many of the freshmen can attest to.

The Diasomnia students were the easiest. They ran up and down the steps daily, pushing those in their way all for their workout. It took one use of his signature spell to send them both tumbling down with sprained ankles and broken wrists.

The Pomefiore one was a bit harder. He watched him as you recovered, still unable to open your eyes, and he finally saw his opportunity as he tried to sell your bracelet.

By the time Ruggie was finished with him, the Pomefiore student and his 'client' were rushed to the Nurses office for priority care.

Ruggie palmed your bracelet as he sat by your bedside, always having a Savanaclaw student by you as he enacted his plan, and slowly slipped it onto your wrist.

"...I love you." He mumbled, brushing his thumb against the yarn to clear some dirt, "I love you."

...

Blinding light, soft mumbling. You knit your eyebrows together and scrunched your nose as your eyes fluttered open. Your throat was dry, there was a pounding in your head, and your hand felt like it was on fire.

"Nurse." A watery voice called out, "Nurse!"

You tried to search for the sound, but all you could see was a vague outline. Calloused hands grabbed yours, and you could just about hear someone saying your name.

The figure was pushed away as a new person leaned over you, asking you rapid-fire questions you couldn't understand.

"Wa-water." You choked out.

The figure rushed off at the hand wave of the person leaning over you. They sat you up on the bed, their eyes slowly coming into focus.

"-bad reaction to the potion. Do you understand? Can you hear me?"

You nodded slowly, searching the brightly lit room. "W...where am I?"

"You're in the nurse's office. There was... there was an incident. How much do you remember?"

"I..." You winced as a burning pain filled your head, your lifted your hands over your face.

"It's okay. Just relax. You've been sleeping for a while now."

"Wha...?"

"It's been 2 days, (Y/N)."

"Wai... wait. Ruggie...?" Your hands fell to your sides.

"He's here."

"...'s okay?"

"He's fine."

The figure came back into your vision holding a cup of water, the nurse grabbed it from the figure's hands and pressed it to your lips. You drank the water in seconds, the liquid soothing a pain you hadn't realized you had.

"Wh... where's Ruggie?" You looked around the room, "I..."

The figure stepped closer, slightly pushing the nurse out of the way, and you could see bright blue eyes. "I'm here." His hands grabbed yours, and a wave of relaxation fell over you. "H... how are you feeling?"

"...it's bright."

"Ah!" The nurse exclaimed, pushing a light away from your face. You blinked and could finally see small bandaids covering Ruggie's face and tears in his eyes.

"Rugs..." You muttered eyebrows knit together in concern. "You're-"

He cut you off by grabbing your hand and squeezing. "I'm here."

You nodded slowly, "You're here."

Ruggie smiled softly, his lips pursed, "I'll be here. Wherever you are. Whatever you need."

"Ruggie?"

"Yes?"

You shakily reached up and grabbed him by the shirt collar, bringing his head down to you, pressing a hesitant kiss on his lips. "I need you to stay."

He smiled, his lips still locked onto yours, a cool breath brushing against your bottom lip, "Of course."

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ryverbind · 1 year

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Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Caught in #4k [5]

I wake up groggy and exhausted. Definitely not prepared for a full work day, that's for sure.

The Faces and I spent the entire night playing together. It was honestly fun aside from the few times Sally and I got into really aggressive arguments. I was worried one of them would turn into a yelling match, but somehow, we were calmed. I blame-- I mean-- thank Ash for that.

Still, it was about two in the morning by the time I realized how late it was. I told my friends good night and ended my stream that amassed a whopping five thousand and something viewers. I thanked them all the best way I could-- which was just through words. For now.

And the best part of ending abruptly is that Sally wasn't given a chance to bitch at me for getting him killed early in the night.

The only issue is that it's eight in the damn morning and I have no energy. But, I do have a clear and optimistic mindset.

Later, Ash is going to help me link my bank account to all of my socials. For Twitch, I need to at this point. With how often I plan on streaming, alongside my growing number of viewers, I'll actually start making some money, which blows my mind.

But, I'm excited. This is the change I've been looking for. It's something good for me and dad. And hey, who knows, maybe I'll be able to go back to school at some point.

I get ready for my day, sighing upon realizing that I've forgotten to get more contacts again. I'll have to do that soon.

A wave of deja vu washes over me as I situate my glasses onto the bridge of my nose, looking over my form in the mirror. The last time I did this, I wasn't involved with Sally and I definitely wasn't streaming. Come to think of it, VioletViolence didn't exist either yet.

The deja vu feels good this time and I can't help but smile at myself as I pull my stupid skirt higher on my waist and get ready to leave for the day.

Maybe I won't have to work this taxing job soon, too. If I could have true, reliable income from streaming and being a bit of an influencer, that would help me out tremendously. Being online could be my only occupation.

Before I step out of my apartment to start my day, my phone starts ringing. There goes that deja vu again.

I bound over to the elevator, trying to fish my phone out of the side pocket on my backpack. But it's stuck, and I can't get it in time to answer the call.

Hissing, I press the button to go down to my apartment complex's lobby then take my backpack off, man-handling the damn phone and yanking it from its fabric clutches. Life being hard on me just because.

I glance over my lit up screen with furrowed brows due to extreme aggravation. It's going to be a long day.

With pinched lips, I click on Ash's missed call and put my phone to my ear, listening to consecutive rings. It doesn't take her too long to pick up though.

"Hey, y/n! Everything okay?" Ash asks, her kind voice chirpy and cheery like she got a full seven hours of sleep. I'm not sure how she manages to not feel aggravated on little sleep because I know she definitely went to bed later than I did.

"Hey, hun," I start, smiling slightly. Her happy voice makes me feel a bit better. "Yea, I'm fine. Just couldn't get to my phone, it was stuck in a pocket. I'm on my way to work. How are you?"

Ash sucks in a breath. "Ouch, sorry. We shouldn't have kept you up so late," she says guiltily.

I walk into the elevator, scooting in beside an older man with a briefcase. I smile at him. He doesn't smile back. So I face forward and raise my eyebrows. "No, don't worry about it," I tell Ash. "I actually really enjoyed myself! Sally's a bit of an ass, but I can overlook it."

"Wow," Ash gasps. "Is this progress I'm seeing? I noticed you guys getting real flirty, but for you to actually be getting used to him? The gates have fallen and all the little monsters are taking my y/n-bug!"

A giggle leaves my lips and I hold my phone with both hands, trying to hide myself from the man behind me but refusing to let some random kill my instant good mood. "Don't get your hopes up. I think the arguments are fun, but Sally genuinely can't stand me. I'm not sure how to fix that, and I don't really want to make him like me at all either. It's fun making him suffer," I say smugly, grinning at the metallic elevator doors.

The doors-- who are absolutely against me in every way for unknown reasons-- open up to a handful of people the minute the expression envelops my face and my grin drops. Way to make myself look like an absolute villainess in front of potential neighbors right?

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and weave through people until I find my way out of the apartment building and into the hot, summer LA air.

The sun is bright, blinding even, and I can already feel a sweat working up, so I keep walking in the direction of the diner and try my best to find some shade.

"Oh well," Ash sighs into the call. "Sally will come around eventually. He's just really hard headed with you-- not sure why. Even just your name-- either one, in fact-- gets him worked up. It's really weird."

I shrug, feeling like an idiot when I remember that she can't see. "Not my problem. He has something against me and I don't know what it is, but I don't really care either." I shield my eyes from the sun, squinting my eyes in the harsh light. "So what's up? Any plans today?"

"Oh, actually, thank you for the reminder!" Ash says, cursing herself lightly. "I called for a reason. I know you said you won't be coming to Vegas. Boringggg." She giggles and the action makes me smile a little more. "But I emailed you the invite a few minutes ago. I wanted to make sure you got it!"

I hum, pulling my phone away from my face to look down at my screen. My eyes are still shielded as I scroll through my recent emails and, sure enough, there's one from Ash. The subject says,, "That party invite-- the one you won't be coming to :("

With a little giggle, I place my phone to my ear again. "Yea, I've got it. I'll check it out a little later, but I'm still not going," I remind her, noting the diner coming into view. "But listen, I'll talk to you again tonight, okay? Are you guys playing again?"

"We sure are!" Ash exclaims excitedly. "We'll be getting on around six in the evening. Can you be there for that time?"

Frowning, I remember that I'm staying until about eight tonight. "I'll be late, but I'll be there," I promise.

Ash squeals. Her cute noises always excite me and fill me with actual joy-- something I don't feel very often nowadays. "Yay! Okay, I'll tell the guys! I'm super excited!"

I huff out a laugh, opening the back door into the diner's kitchen. Nodding toward some of the cooks, I turn into our rest area and put my bag down. "Sounds good. I'm excited too." I glance at my surroundings and realize my shift starts in ten minutes. "I've got to go. I'll see you tonight."

"Barf, but okay! Ich liebe dich. Have a great day!" Ash says, blowing me a kiss then hanging up. Her trademark lately is telling me she loves me in different languages, it's pretty cute.

Most of my day goes by quickly. Well, the first half at least. I couldn't be more thankful for that. But when I'm on break, munching on a burger that the head cook was nice enough to make for me, I spend some time hanging out on Discord.

Ultimately, I come to regret it.

LARBEARAWR: hey vi i have a cewl pic 4 u wana c???

VIOLETVIOLENCE: sure lar :3 send it over!!!

T0DDLES12: Larry and Sally have been off doing something all day. They haven't been home in about four hours.

Ew, so they're together. I hope Larry just sends me a cute kitty picture or something.

ASHYPOO <3: Really? GUYSSSSS what are you doing??? We're literally going to be streaming laterrr. Plus, Larry owes me a ride to that new smoothie shop on the outskirts of nockfell >:(((

T0DDLES12: Sally mentioned something about wanting to practice his guitar at their parents' place down Main Street. Apparently, Lisa and Henry bought some type of studio to open a little meat market but haven't gotten around to it yet. So it's ended up being the perfect place for Larry and Sally to do criminal things.

I reel back in my seat, a bit confused by the information I've been given. I have a mouthful of fries, but I stop chewing as I try to make sense of who exactly Lisa is with.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: wait, who's Lisa and Henry?

I wait with bated breath. Of course, I had to lie about knowing Lisa given the situation I put myself into. But I know Lisa very well, she and I were besties before I moved. She made the most amazing lasagna for me, Larry, Todd, and Ash. She was an awesome second mom.

T0DDLES12: Henry is Sally's father. Lisa is Larry's mother. They're married and it's all thanks to the boys. The guys started out as best friends when Sally first moved to Nockfell, then their parents met and the rest was history.

My eyes are wide. What are the fucking chances that Sally and Larry have ended up being step-brothers? Fuck this is wild. And fuck, this is really not looking up for me. I have to be careful with what I say.

I genuinely hope that Henry is nothing like his son.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: awwweee that's so cute, i'm glad it worked out that way for them :)

It sounds sarcastic and, let's be honest, it kind of is. I'm hardcore freaked out.

A photo comes in from Larry but it takes a second or two to load in. So, I squint my eyes and bring my phone closer to my face.

When I don't have time to decide that I don't want to see the picture, a blisteringly hot photo finally pops up in front of me and I suddenly find myself choking on my fries. A few bits of gross, chewed up potato fly onto the floor at my feet as I rush to cover my mouth with a hand. My phone gets slammed onto the table in front of me as I try to catch my breath.

Every inch of my body is on fire and I feel like I'm being seared from the inside out. My brain is overwhelmed and fighting to hold onto my sanity. And my sanity? My rational, working order that keeps me in check? It's running for the hills-- sprinting over to my phone just so it can lick my screen. I struggle to grip onto the last bits of me that actually make sense.

And, by the way, fuck Larry. Because I lose my grasp on my good-natured superego. My scary ego takes the reins, commanding my hands to bring my phone up to my face again.

Sigmund Freud would have fucking loved me.

With shaky hands and wide eyes, I rake my eyes over the photo that Larry sent. Hell, I even zoom in on it.

In the photo is a shirtless Sally Face. He's dripping in sweat, his hair messy and sticking to his prosthetic, and his guitar is securely hanging onto the front of his body.

His hands are holding onto the body and neck of his bright red, fiery guitar and I'm not quite sure where to look first.

His skin, as pale as the moon on a dim night, glistens with sweat from putting his entire heart into playing the instrument, I'll bet. His arms aren't too muscular, but they're veiny and there's definitely some muscle mass there. Has to be a result of constant working hands. My eyes trail up the various veins in his arms and then over the wide variety of tattoos.

Sally's sleeve is completely free for me to view right now-- and it doesn't just stop at his elbow. The tattoo I saw on his arm-- the one I got to touch-- goes all the way up to his shoulder and I can feel my mouth watering over the attractive, geometric designs.

His other arm doesn't have quite as many tattoos, but he does have a vine of some kind of flower wrapping around his skin. It's not a big tattoo that covers every inch of him, in fact, it's rather small, but it is long. It starts at his wrist and trails along and around his arm, all the way up to his shoulder.

There's a tattoo on his collarbone, but I can't quite make out what it is. Regardless, it's nice to look at and my brain has gone fuzzy.

I can see his shattered dagger tattoo exceptionally well with his head looking down at his finger placement. His neck is reddened just a bit with little pieces of his shoulder length, cerulean hair stuck to his skin in some places.

Fuck, I hate that he's hot and I was doing just fine with ignoring my dull attraction to him until this. The thought of seeing his face covered in sweat and stuck in a focused expression would probably make me lose whatever brain cells I have left.

I cross my legs and clear my throat, slapping my cheeks after a moment. I look up and away from the photo, trying to clear my mind in an attempt to quell my raging emotions. And somehow, I still find myself looking down at the photo again.

Sally's wearing black ripped jeans that hug his thighs in all the right places. Now that I'm looking closer too, I can see little scars littering his pale, glistening neck. And fuck, he has the most beautiful torso I think I've ever seen in my life.

And what is that?

I narrow my eyes and zoom in closer.

My stomach practically drops out of my ass upon realizing that the edge of a tattoo is peeking out of the waistband of his jeans. I'm not sure where it is exactly, but it's probably on his thigh and I'd give anything to lay my eyes on the full thing one day.

My heart is beating wildly and I feel like I can't breathe. If I take a breath, I think I may burst and I'm not sure in what way. There are too many aggressors in just one photo. My head is overloaded and I almost throw caution to the wind, say fuck it, and ask Sally to fucking fly back to LA.

Come to think of it, where's that text to Lexi?

I hiss at the photo and click out of it, finally taking a deep breath and realizing I've broke out into a nervous sweat. My thighs are glued together and I'm afraid to move-- afraid to even think because my head is impure and I haven't gotten fucked in far too long.

Damn.

I lick my dry lips and blink at the Discord chat.

LARBEARAWR: vi if u zoom in on the red thing u can c my name on the bottom LARBEARAWR: vi do u c it LARBEARAWR: viiiiiiiii r u bein like sally LARBEARAWR: ok i'll leave u 2 masturbate in peace

T0DDLES12: Larry, I'm too gay for that picture. Please delete it. Neil and I are trying to find your location and it's not for innocent reasons.

ASHYPOO <3: No wonder Sally's pulling all the bitches... HE NEVER LEAVES ANY HOTTIES FOR THE REST OF US AND THIS IS WHY fuck >:(

T0DDLES12: That must be frustrating for you and Larry. Though, Sally would be the only bitch I need. T0DDLES12: Also, Vi, I am not cheating on my boyfriend. I casually flirt with my friends and Neil finds it hilarious. I don't actually want to have sex with any of my friends, or anyone else for that matter.

ASHYPOO <3: Todd's lying. He's actually a little whore for hot people. Don't let him lie to you XD

T0DDLES12: No need to call me out, Ashley.

LARBEARAWR: shut up vi is trying 2 get off LARBEARAWR: gosh u guys have no respect 4 others needs

ASHYPOO <3: True that. Sorry, Vi. We'll leave you to let out some sexy steam~ :3

Fuck, how did I manage to put myself into this ridiculous position. The worst part is that they aren't far off from the truth. Sal is hot as fuck and it pains me to admit it.

This ground is officially dangerous, tainted with bombs that'll go off the minute I make one wrong move. Sally and I cannot meet again. If I see him without a shirt in person, his pants are coming off too.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: sorry guys i'm at work and just getting to my break! sally has a badass guitar. and yes, i see your signature larry lmfao

I didn't even look for Larry's name on the damn guitar. If I click on that photo again, chaos will ensue in my mind and I can't handle that. I still have a few hours left to go in this shift and I'll actually have to talk with Sally tonight. I can't subject myself to that torture while knowing I'll have to converse with him in just a few hours.

LARBEARAWR: lol did u rlly c it LARBEARAWR: r u sure u weren't looking @ sally's lickable shirtless bod 2 hard

VIOLETVIOLENCE: yes lar, i'm sure lol. i see it, it's there!

LARBEARAWR: lol... that's wild... cause my name isn't on it... LARBEARAWR: sally wood off me if i ever touched his guitar :P LARBEARAWR: caught u in #4k hehe

I want to scream and cry and roll around on the floor because, yea, Larry caught me in the most obvious fucking lie ever. I think when I see him again, I'm going to punch him. I don't think I'll feel better until I do.

My eyes squeeze shut and I throw a hand over my mouth again, letting my phone drop to the table a second time. This man is evil. Both men are evil. Larry is smarter than he lets on and Sally is just too damn fuckable. I should have never started streaming.

What do I do. What do I do? I can't let this marinate, I have to fix it.

My lungs are wedged into my throat and my legs are bouncing up and down in a panic. I feel like I'm going to fucking throw up.

I got caught slacking in one of the worst moments of weakness I've ever shown in my life.

In a last ditch effort to restore some faith in myself, I download the photo of Sal and do my best to ignore how badly I want to drool over it.

Zooming in all the way into the bottom right of the guitar, I screenshot and then delete the full photo so I don't have to listen to my insides scream upon seeing his naked upper half again. Fuck, this is aggravating.

Deny until you die, right?

I edit Larry's name onto the screenshot of the guitar then quickly send it in the chat.

The group is silent for a second, and I know that photo is obviously edited, but maybe it'll take a little bit of heat off of me. I chew on my bottom lip, cheeks heating up again as I think abut how to lose every connection to the name VioletViolence. I can start over again. Under a fourth name.

Hell, maybe I have a problem...

All my names are a result of me running away from my unavoidable problems. I'm starting to see a pattern.

My phone pings and I focus in on it again, sucking in a quick breath.

SALLYFʌCɛ: awww, what a cute attempt to save yourself. don't wear yourself out too much. and clean up whatever mess you make along the way.

I'm fucked for life.

————————————

A/N:::::: my good friend drew this photo of Sally for Motherf*cker and he came out so awesome🫶🫶 if you wanna show some love, they’re @ MadamMilky on Wattpad!!!

#sally face #future smut #sal fisher #sally face fanfiction #sally face fandom #ash campbell #enemies to lovers #larry johnson #todd morrison #travis phelps

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amewinterswriting · 5 months

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Fun Facts About Me Tag

Tagged by @ahordeofwasps - thanks, friend!

I'll leave this one as an OPEN tag because I'm not sure how many people have done this one already. So do it if you want, and have fun!

A scent you love:

Vanilla. I'm actually allergic to an ingredient in a lot of scents and perfumes so I have to be super careful about any kind of artificial scents, including but not limited to air fresheners, deodorant, body sprays, bathing products, makeup, laundry detergent, washing up liquid, scented toilet paper, scented sanitary products, scented bin bags... (I didn't even know you could get scented bin bags, that last one drove me crazy trying to work out what was setting me off). I've narrowed down that MOST perfumes/scented products from LUSH and The Body Shop are the cheapest safest thing I can use (I have also worked out that very expensive perfumes from Penhaligons or Channel don't set me off either but I'm also not made of money) The Body Shop does a very nice pure vanilla perfume that is my go to daily scent but any blend that has vanilla in is always nice. Very comforting and warm.

What's something you're looking forward to this week?

Getting any little snatches of relaxation I can now that Christmas (silly season) has started. Even if that means napping while @red-pen-ally plays chill farming games.

What's a book you're currently reading?

Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price. I really recommend it for fellow neurospicy folks, especially late diagnosed/high-masking folk, but it could also be a good resource for people with autistic friends or family who just want to know more about the neurotype from the perspective of people who are autistic. The book covers a lot of ground, from simply coming to terms with being autistic to exploring what life could look like if you unmask in some aspects of life and how to start going about it.

What's a game you're currently playing?

Cultist Simulator. It's a roguelike card-based narrative game where you start with nothing (except maybe a desire for some occult power) and have to create and build a cult to amass power, resources and dedicate yourself towards whatever desire you have. But you will have to manage problems such as dread, fascination, running out of money, sickness and pesky meddlers who will turn you in to the authorities for your dream crimes. And possibly all those bodies stuffed inside your cupboard. If you enjoy the narrative style of Fallen London, you'll like this.

What's the most recent movie you watched?

I realised I really don't watch many movies these days. Not really through a concentrated effort, I just never seem to find the time. However, I did recently learn that @red-pen-ally has never seen The Neverending Story, so I am definitely going to parcel out some time to traumatise her share this lovely childhood memory with her.

Are you watching anything on TV or listening to any shows?

Actively, no. The Great British Bakeoff is often on in the house, but I've not been following it super closely. If we tend to watch anything, it's usually odd videos on YouTube.

Favourite season?

Autumn. Cozy season, lots of comfy clothes, not too hot, not freezing cold, cocoa is always socially acceptable, pumpkin spice is in everything and Christmas treats start to become available.

What's something you've learned recently?

Not really learnt but had this one confirmed with science: autistic people aren't any worse at communicating effectively than allistic people (despite medical model of disability often labeling it as a communication-based disorder). Autistic people can usually communicate with autistic people just fine. Often, they can communicate with allistic people well enough, too, though this can often be very taxing as they have to translate the communication on their end. Allistic people, on the other hand, often fail to communicate effectively even with other allistic people, due to preferring less direct language and more euphemisms or talking around the subject. They also tend to draw conclusions and react based on perceived data instead of actual data. Which is wild when they label autistic folk as the one with the communication difficulty.

Have you had any water lately?

Coffee has water in it, that totally counts, right? Right?

#tag games #ame talks #fun facts #writblr

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rohirric-hunter · 11 months

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So, in light of my current financial troubles -- IE the IRS deciding that they aren't going to give me my tax return, actually, and in fact that I owe them money, basically all of the money that I have -- I've decided that I am going to have to put off my decision to delete my Tumblr indefinitely. I can't be imposing huge changes on myself right now and I can't separate myself from the friends and support networks I have here. I have to consider what's most important to me, and the security I get from close contact with friends and a way to wind down on this site is, as it turns out, more important right now than proving a point to Tumblr. It's with a bitter taste in my mouth, but despite their recent changes being gross and horrible, I'm going to stay here. (It's also with no small amount of relief, as managing different communication lines for people is, as it turns out, a bit more difficult than I remember it being.)

I will, however, continue to work on my personal website and take the other measures I was taking in preparation for this departure; it was rather alarming to me when I realized just how much I depend on a single website to host all of my personal stuff. Practically, this means that I will probably stop posting fanfiction and fanart directly to Tumblr, but instead posting them on other sites, including my personal website, and link to them here instead. Also don't be surprised if I want to exchange Discord handles or emails if we've talked a bit, as I definitely want to keep open lines of communication with people I consider friends across multiple platforms, as I'd hate to lose all contact with people if something happened to this one.

I'm also going to open up a ko-fi shop with some unique hand-knitted items for sale in it. Right now I have several dice bags that I will be listing sometime in the next week, but more items will be added later and if there's any interest I may consider opening commissions. Unfortunately traditional employment has been no good lately -- out of 72 jobs I've applied for recently I've heard back from exactly one, and only so they could offer a polite rejection. Given the urgency of the situation, I feel my time is better spent creating useful and nice things that people may want to buy instead of wasting time job hunting. Of course if you can't afford or don't want anything I'm selling that's fine, but please be patient as I'll probably start posting quite a bit of advertising for it.

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meditating-dog-lover · 2 months

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Eczema update 03/23

So I felt quite nauseous and lightheaded today. I did not have any gastrointestinal discomfort, just dizzy and nauseous and lightheaded, which still is not fun at all. I'm feeling better now, thankfully. I don't know what caused it, sometimes stuff like this just happens. It may or may not be due to the liver supplement I've been taking. I really hope it isn't because I have high hopes that this supplement will really help my skin. I'm going to continue taking it, but if I start to feel worse over the days, then I will quit. But I really hope that doesn't happen.

I was going to break my fast this morning, though my dog came to me signalling that he wants to walk. So I walked him, and that walk turned out to be 45 minutes and I was pretty hungry. I don't know if that played a role, or if I have low blood pressure, or if it's something I ate. Again nausea can come out of nowhere sometimes, maybe I'm exhausted. But I'm better now and was able to shower, walk my dogs, eat, take my supplements and drink water. Because I wasn't feeling well, I ate late and went beyond my feeding window (~10 PM), which is completely fine because I had a medical reason.

I know my supplement I'm taking now is great for liver health, as well as not drinking. However inflammatory foods, especially though high in omega-6 fats and sugar, can be taxing on the liver. Following an anti-inflammatory diet can be great for both liver and skin health. NAFLD and other liver diseases can still happen even if you don't drink. A poor diet high in inflammatory foods like sugar and inflammatory fat sources can influence liver health poorly. I noticed my hands itch on the days where I ate out this week. It's not always about food sensitivities and IgG response, but inflammatory foods in general. Thankfully I eat pretty healthy overall and I don't drink, but I like to enjoy eating out here and there (especially on Fridays). That should be a way bigger focus than IgG triggering foods, at least for me. I want to eat healthy and have a diet filled with health grains, fruits, vegetables, healthy oils, nuts, seeds, and healthy dairy and animal products (lean proteins and health egg and butter sources as opposed to burgers and fried chicken which are fried in inflammatory oils). On the topic of oils, I love olive and avocado oil and I can consume these with no issues. So eating anti-inflammatory for the most part, as well as taking care of my liver and potentially my gut health (once I talk to my doctor and do the take home test) can help a lot.

And I really don't think tomatoes and cocamidopropyl betaine are the major culprits, it's definitely a deficiency in anti-inflammatory nutrients, an excessive consumption of inflammatory foods, poor liver health, and poor gut health. I take anti-inflammatory supplements like vitamin D, zinc, and flaxseed oil. And my diet is quite healthy, though I will notice some inflammation when I eat fried fatty foods, but they don't make up the bulk of my diet. That takes care of the diet part.

I'm still working on my liver health by taking the supplement. I won't take this longterm though, just something to give my liver some support. The liver is a powerful organ that plays a role in digestion and detoxing. It makes zero sense to do "detox" juices, cleanses, colonics, enemas, or anything else dangerous if your liver is in poor health. I do believe in "detoxing" methods such as fasting, eating healthy foods rich in fiber, drinking enough water, limiting my intake of inflammatory foods, and giving my detoxing organs support. If your diet is poor and you drink a lot of alcohol, both of which can compromise gut and liver health, then you will never give your body the chance to filter and rejuvenate.

I'm going to speak with my functional medicine doctor in 2 weeks so we can talk more about eczema in general and so I can do a gut health evaluation to see if there are any areas that need improvement. I know I can benefit from taking a regular gut health supplement and eating foods that support my health. However gut health supplements are one of the most confusing supplements to purchase. There are a ton out there and it's not clear what you really need. Do you need enzymes? Do you need HCl? Do you need bacteria? If so which strains and how many CFUs? Do you need gut lining support? Do you need fiber? It becomes so confusing and taking the wrong supplement will do more harm than good. I remember taking a probiotic I found in Ulta around 9 months ago and had the worst gastrointestinal discomfort, I had to immediately leave work. Other probiotics helped, and others did not make a difference.

I also had some pizza today, thankfully no inflammatory reaction to the tomato. Like I said, I doubt tomatoes are the culprit. I've been eating tomatoes all my life without reacting poorly to them. I'm still going to limit my consumption until my skin heals. And I'm going to use cocamidopropyl betaine-free products for a month so I can say I did it, and also until my skin heals. But the main focus here is to get enough anti-inflammatory nutrients through both diet and supplementation, to avoid/limit inflammatory foods, to give my liver support for proper physiological detoxification, and to address my gut health. I've been doing the first for a while, I'm working on the second and third points now, and I'll address my gut health in 2 weeks.

It is so cold here and my hands became dry and itchy. I wanted to rub them, but that will cause more inflammation. So I gently scratched them. I know scratching is a no-no, but gentle scratching is way better than forcefully rubbing the itchy area with a towel or my hands. I've been gently scratching any itchy areas I had. I do develop some scratches, which are not fun but are also way better than large swelling blisters and bloody, oozy skin due to forceful rubbing the area. It's the best solution I have now until the inflammation is gone.

I have high hopes now for my anti-inflammatory diet and liver supplements. I'm going to keep on taking the supplements for a month. I did experience some dizziness and nausea today, but I really hope it's not due to the supplement and even if it is, I hope it doesn't get too bad because I have high hopes that it will help my skin. I had stubborn patchy and inflamed spots that are healing this week, especially on my neck, chest, earlobe, mouth and right wrist. My skin is less red now, but my hands look dry and are slightly inflamed and itchy. If my skin is itchy, despite not being red, that means there is still some inflammation even if I cannot see it. So I'm going to continue the protocols I'm following now until my skin heals, soap-wise, diet-wise, and supplement-wise. Eventually I'll address my gut health and start taking a gut health supplement.

Of course I also need to work on stress management, because stress makes eczema worse. I'm going to therapy and journaling, and anxiety management is another health goal I have for this year. Regardless, I will heal my skin, and I already see it healing.

I'm at a point where I want to have net healing. Just like when I had my dental issues. There is demineralization on one end and remineralization on the other. When the balance is shifted to demineralization due to poor diet, poor oral hygiene care, fat soluble vitamin deficiencies, and mouth breathing, cavities will form. When the area of decay is very small, the area can remineralize through proper nutrition, hygiene, and addressing dry mouth. This will cause the small areas of decay to recalcify and the decay process stops (this is something an ethical dentist and hygienist will tell you). The same logic can be applied to my skin. I want a case where I want to shift the balance away from inflammation and towards healing. I may have some inflammation, I just want it to subside overtime by following an anti-inflammatory protocol. Then the inflammation and irritation will go away. My skin is slightly inflamed, but it's better than it was last week which is promising. I just need to give it more time as well as address my gut health and anxiety. Then I will heal.

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defiantscribe · 9 months

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Feeling Lost

As the title implies, I'm feeling lost these past few days and it's culminated in me having to write because my brain is just too busy and I'm tired of depression napping.

So, Monday I decided that I didn't want to work so I took a "mental health day" and just decided to sleep in and bum around. Pretty normal for me to do about once a month, twice depending on stress levels. But it also stems from the fact that I'm not enjoying my job. Now, this doesn't mean I hate my job, but I've said it time and again and I'll say it again: I hate having to work.

Work sucks, plain, simple, to the point. I don't like the idea of having to do something for someone else to earn money to just live. I understand that's how the world works, doesn't mean I have to like it. Lately, my biggest complaint with my job is the people calling in and what I feel is them feigning ignorance when it comes to certain things with computers.

I understand there are certain things they aren't going to be well versed in, especially the more elderly people within the org, however it's when I get the 20 something's calling in and acting as if they've never touched a computer in their life and I have to walk them through simple fucking tasks on a computer or getting pushback when I'm attempting to troubleshoot. "Oh I already tried that". Oh really? You're trying it again so I KNOW you did it instead of you pretending you did it because you think you know better.

It's a constant battle with these bankers. I'm not working with the general public (thank fucking god), but it's about as bad some days. The worst is the need for audit paper trails. Anything these people need typically requires a request be filled out as a papertrail back to the need/request. I get it, I just think it's dumb when one team fucks it up and requires the user to do this when they shouldn't have had to in the first place.

So that was Monday.

Monday night we had a pretty bitchin rainstorm pass through our area. Tuesday morning, I get woken up by my son well before my usual wake up time and open my front door to see one of my fucking trees diagonally across my yard. Now, don't get me wrong, was super happy it didn't hit my house, my car or was even in the street, but I now have a very LARGE problem in my front yard.

Contact a tree removal service and spend more than I was comfortable with to have it cut into pieces and removed. Stressed the entire day about the cost of the removal, but they did a good job, gathered up all the bits and hauled it away.

Come Tuesday night, wife comes home after taking son out practice driving and says something's wrong with the car. About to have a spaz, when I ask if she had been running the AC in the car. Running the AC does have a tendency to tax the car's system and cause it to act different. She says yes, so I chalk it up to that.

Wednesday.

First day of school for my kids, so I get up extra early to get my son to school so he can catch a bus to a vocational school as those are where his morning classes are. Get in the car, turn it over, immediately see that it was NOT the AC causing the issue. Something is definitely wrong with my car. Can't really come to full stops as it feels like it's going to die. Get my son to school just fine, come back home, call up my boss and say I'm out again today as I have to get this resolved as it's the only vehicle we have and can't be without.

Spend the morning attempting to call mechanics, but after a few no answers, find a place that says I can bring it by Thursday afternoon and they'll take a look and then talk price. I say fine, but can only imagine what the price tag of this shit is going to be.

Now, I don't have much in the way of savings, but what we did have is quickly being exhausted by all of this BULLSHIT currently happening and I'm losing my fucking mind. Make my appointment, schedule with others to help get my son to school and meet me at the mechanics tomorrow so I can get a ride home, but JFC, I'm so fucking stressed out I took a fucking 5 hour depression nap today because I just could not deal with this. I'm up typing at 2:37 a.m. because I just have to get all of this out of my head, put somewhere because any time I'm looking for sympathy, no one's there and what sympathy I get has the vibe of "oh well, least it's not me, sorry it's happening to you, but not my problem" and that burns.

I just feel like life is doing it's damnedest to try fuck me over and it's getting the best of me right now. And then I'm questioning my direction in life. I'm fast approaching that midlife crisis, but I'm trying to find a way to make it far more…. productive than me getting a fancy car or some other stupid shit.

I've always said family first, work second. I'm starting to feel like I'm going to flip that here soon as my children are far more independent, they're not in sports or musical academics so much anymore and the need to have that kind of flexibility is waned. My wife drives now, so going places isn't dependent upon me, so I have far more ability to not be relied upon for certain things in life and with my son learning to drive, it's going to become even less.

It's hard for me to potentially change my pattern (I have to have some ADHD or Aspergers or something), but I feel like I may have to abandon some of my more favored habits to put change in my life that is necessary. I don't want to, but if I continue this pattern, I'm doing no favors to my family for the most part (or so I believe).

I just really needed to get all of this out as it just sits in my head, stewing like a pot of sauce that never finishes. And not really having anyone beyond my wife, who's going through the same paces, stinks, so I just put it here for anyone to read. No one will, but it helps me at least release it as if someone really wants to know, I can point them here and don't have to go into grand detail from point zero with them.

Life, please, things have been quiet and they've been good, I don't need sand in the face, it's not helping.

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bonesandpoemsandflowers · 4 years

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I’ve been having fun asking people if they paid more or less in taxes than self proclaimed BUSINESS BUSINESS MAN Donald Trump in 2016 ($750)

#everyone who isn't a fellow Artiste With No LinkedIn account is glumly like MORE #'WAY more'#'I've been fined more than that for turning my taxes in late'#i told y'all #now if enough of the country could realize he is ALSO an incompetent raging narcissist pls thx #in the US btw your late fee for doing your taxes but doing em late is based on a percentage of what you owe #so my ADHD artiste ass for years just did them late #with CONFIDENCE #bc if you're supposed to get a refund...percentage of what you owe is zero so #LATE FEE FREE BABY #anyway don't take advice from me why am i telling you guys this

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eternopins · 2 years

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PIN MAKING TIPS

Hellos! This is Lu, the owner of ETERNO. I was asked on multiple occasions to talk about how I started pin making and thought it would be nice to share it with you all :)

Please keep in mind that everyone's journey is different and how you will start will be different from mine and others. What I will share is my personal experience and is not meant to reflect the entire community as a whole! Another thing to keep in mind, I am based in California, USA. A lot of what I will be talking about (legally that is), is how I've done it and what I've been advised to do, please speak to a legal consultant regarding any legal paperwork, this post is simply meant to be a guide to make it easier for you!

I began thinking of opening up my own business in late 2020, I knew I wanted to make something I liked and to be completely honest, I did not intend on becoming a pin maker at first, but the more I collected, the more I enjoyed it and wanted to make pins of the characters I liked the most, so with that being said, here are a few tips and things I've learned along the way:

-PAPERWORK & INTRO-

Before you do anything, think of it this way, are you planning to only make a few designs a year or are you planning to start a business that you plan to work on for the long while?

If it's simply just a few designs that will not impact your taxes, you will not have to worry about it reaching the threshold, but please check the amount for your state/country as every place is different with its rules and requirements. On the other hand, if you're planning to work on a lot more than a few designs or even expand your business to more than just pins, I'd highly suggest to consider opening an LLC from the get-go.

-DESIGNING-

Legal matters aside, what you'll have to think about next would be your designs. Are you planning to draw them yourself or commission an artist? Are you planning to sell fanart or original designs?

First, you'll have to understand the process of creating the artwork, keep in mind that enamel pins are made of metal (regardless of the plating), so there are two major things that you'll need to think about while creating the designs; the line art is where the metal will be raised, and the colors in-between is where the enamel filling will go.

above is an example of one of the pins I've had the chance to make this year, the black lines are an indication of where I wanted to have the metal be raised, and the colors are the enamel fillings! This particular one also included screen printing, but I'll get to that in a bit!

I use the Procreate app on my iPad, but you can use any program/app that allows you to save the designs as PNG, which seems to be more preferable by manufacturers than JPEG. Most manufacturers are fine with just the design being submitted as PNG, but do keep in mind that you will have to discuss changes for the final artwork a bit more than submitting a vectored artwork! Here's a great video that goes in-depth about how vectoring works! The simplest thing to do is to have two different PNG documents, one for the line art alone, and the second for the line art + colors.

Additionally, what will impact the final look of your pin is the size and plating. Say you're making a pin without any screen print or additional effects, the smaller the pin, the more details you'll have to consider taking out, or else they might not turn out too well. One thing I did to help me understand how my first pin will turn out, once I finished the drawing, I resized it and printed it out to the size the actual pin will be made!

Plating also plays a huge role in how the result will look like. The two major enamel pin types are soft enamel and hard enamel. Soft enamel allows you to add more details as the result will not be polished down as much, but the filling will not be leveled up to the raised metal. On the other hand, hard enamel is a lot more durable and gives off a better shine, but do keep in mind that to level everything, the front of the pin will have to be polished down, which results in the raised metal lines becoming thicker, it may also distort the final look.

MORE EXAMPLES < this video shows more examples of how the two platings differ.

-MANUFACTURING-

Now that you have your design ready, how will you find someone to turn them into pins? There are A LOT of manufacturers out there and please, do not go with the first manufacturer that contacts you/you find!! I’ve worked with Manus from both IG and Alibaba, and so far I’ve found the ones on Alibaba to be more reliable. It gives an extra step of protection, unlike manufacturers who work solely on IG, which typically ask for money to be sent via PayPal, which only allows protection for up to 90 days, but don't let that discourage you from reaching out to representatives on IG as well.

I would highly recommend opening up an Alibaba account before speaking to manufacturers, regardless of the platform. Most of them are also on Alibaba, so you can ask them to send you the invoice through there, even If your entire conversation was through elsewhere!

Helpful Manu Video < this is a video talking about Washi Tape manufacturers, but it’s essentially the same concept when you’re looking for a supplier.

Before reaching out to a supplier, have the following ready to discuss with them:

Quantity of pins you’re planning to make (most suppliers ask for an MOQ)

Size + Colors

Any additional effects?

Plating option(s): Soft enamel or Hard enamel?

Backstamp (this is your logo/backing design if you’re planning to include it)

Most of what will be discussed below are about pricing and how each of the above points impacts the price:

The reason why you’ll need to have those ready, especially the MOQ, which is the Minimum Order Quantity, is to make it easier for the suppliers to quote you. Most manufacturers ask for a MOQ of 50 pieces to account for the metal sheets they have to use and prevent them from wasting the rest of the sheet. It is also cheaper for you to stay at or above the MOQ, that way you’ll avoid paying the “Small Quantity Fee”. However, some suppliers say they are willing to go below 50 pieces or do not have a MOQ, but once you receive your invoice you’ll notice an additional $10-20, which is typically under the header “MOQ fee”.

The size of the pins will drastically change the price for you, a 1-inch pin is a lot cheaper than a 3-inches pin, but keep your design in mind when you think of the size! Some suppliers are also limited on their pin sizing, make sure to discuss that with them before you pay for anything, especially if your design will include small cutouts in between. Since every manufacturer is different, not all of them are capable or have the machinery to help them make those small cutouts, which will affect the look of your pin. Same thing with coloring. While most suppliers base their prices on the size of the pin, some charge more for any additional color above their limit. Most of the ones I’ve seen require your artwork to be 6-9 colors max, anything more and it’s an additional fee.

Additional effects will always be an extra fee regardless of who you end up working with. Those include and are not limited to, screen-printing, sandblast, glitter, pearl effect, etc. If you’re considering variants, you might want to think of adding effects.

Plating is another that will either hike up your price or keep it within budget. Typically soft enamel pins are cheaper to make than hard enamel, the reason for that is because they wouldn’t have to use as much enamel filling and polishing isn’t necessary at the end. Plating is also isn’t limited to just the enamel type, but the type of metal used for the pins, too; black nickel, gold, silver, rose gold, copper, etc. The most common ones are black nickel, gold, and silver. In some cases, suppliers may charge more for any other plating. Consider discussing with the supplier whether they’re able to use a certain metal with your desired plating. For example, one of my suppliers recently told me that they avoid using copper for soft enamel pins as it has a higher flaw rate.

Lastly, do you want a back stamp? That is where your logo/business name goes on the back of the pin. Not every supplier will be willing to go with whatever you desire to have on the back, some only agree to simple lettering, so it’s always best to ask them about that beforehand if you’re only looking to make a design on the back rather than simply your shop’s name. Keep in mind that back stamps almost always, if not always, come at an extra cost.

Side note: ask multiple manufacturers for quotes, do not go with the first person that will respond to you! I asked for quotes from about 9 different manufactures that I found on Alibaba before I settled on one!

Once you gain momentum, they will start reaching out to you asking if they can quote on a design, especially on IG, which happens very frequently for pin makers, which is also why most of us ask to not send any order inquires on there as it might get lost! One thing I’ve learned the hard way about working with a well-known supplier, meaning they cater to well-known makers that request high quantity of pins, they will push your design to the end of the queue!! Do not make the same mistake and go with a popular supplier! I worked with one once and that was the biggest mistake I’ve made in my entire journey, it was money wasted.

If that’s the case, how will you know which one to choose then? It’s always tough to work with a new supplier regardless, but a rule of thumb, self-fund your first design! Whether it be your first pin ever, or when working with a new supplier. Never, ever, mess with other people’s money especially if you don’t have an idea of how the pins will turn out! Not only would you save yourself the hassle of worrying about the wait time and people asking for updates, you’ll have a better understanding of how that supplier works, how long it takes them to produce your desired quantity, and also you’ll have something to present to your customers that if they’ll plan to support you with pre-ordering, they’ll know what to expect.

PS: ask your supplier to ship your pins facing each other (enamel side towards each other) to avoid as much damage as possible!!!

-BACKING/APPRECIATION CARDS-

Say now that you’ve found a manufacturer to work with and your design is in production, are you planning to have backing cards that go along with the pins? Or do you want to just include a Thank You card?

Although this is an added step, one that I think is worth it!

GotPrint and Vistaprint are always great options to consider if you’re looking to make either or both made! Both are suppliers in the U.S. and they have discounts now and then!

-BUDGETING-

How much should you save? Well, it all depends on which route you’ll end up taking. It is expensive if you’re opening up a business regardless, but generally, you’ll want to have $1000-1500 saved up to account for production and any additional costs you might need to consider along the way.

-PRICING-

Ultimately it’s up to you how much you’ll want to price your products, but you will always have to consider the following:

Did you commission an artist? Or how much time did you spend on the design?

Production cost (this is the entire amount the supplier charged including their shipping and transaction fees)

Backing cards?

Shipping products: bubble mailers, boxes (for bigger orders if necessary)

Labels + label printer (you do not need a label printer to start! You can use a regular printer too)

Selling platform fees

-SELLING PLATFORM-

Now that you have everything you need, where will you sell it?

A lot of people, including myself, started on Etsy. It is a great place to gain traction as it is a marketplace so it's very easy to use, plus it allows you to ship worldwide. Eventually, most people move on to either BigCartel or Shopify. There are other selling sites as well, but those seem to be the most common two out there. Each site has its handful of Pros and Cons.

Here's a VIDEO that does a great job explaining the highs and lows of each one of the most popular sites.

Some obstacles that I've faced and have learned from:

Buying more stock that I was able to sell.

Placing too much trust on the voting polls (NEVER rely on that, however many voted yes on getting a design, if you're self-funding it, only get 1/2-3/4 the amount...)

I priced most of my pins very low, which worked against me considering how much stock I had left.

higher flaw rate than I accounted for, which resulted in having far more seconds than standard grade pins.

I hope this post has helped you in a way! If you have anymore questions, you're always welcome to DM or send an email :)

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scentedluminarysoul · 3 years

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I've just come home from a visit to the orthopedist discussing my MRI.

And it turns out I'm fine! Completely healthy! No worries whatsoever! Except the constant, almost immobilizing pain, but that has no cause, so it's not there!

A bit of backstory: about seven years ago I was at a different orthopedist. He took x-rays and explained to me, in detail, with drawings, that I had bony growths on the vertibrae of my lower back, putting pressure on the discs and nerves, causing the pain. He showed me the x-rays even.

Not much one can do, avoid standing or walking for extended periods and no heavy lifting.

Life happened, humans can get used to everything and I just never really followed up or had more physical therapy than the initial sessions he prescribed.

Fast forward to late last year, when I visited the current quack doctor. He didn't listen to a word I said. He asked me about my medical history, I told him about the above and said I just wanted to take care of it and have it regularly checked and treated. He then asked how long I've had back pain and I told him since puberty, roughly.

He looked at me condescendingly and said in a patronizing and amused tone: "You've had it for 30 years and never saw a doctor about it?"

I was speechless. I told him, again, that I did indeed see a doctor about it. I didn't tell him that his math was off by at least ten years, re: puberty and my current age. Rude. He has my age right in front of him. He also seemed to not understand that I was at an orthopedist, he kept talking about my GP.

Then they took an x-ray. And apparently, nothing. In the last 7 or so years, without therapy, while the pain was getting worse and worse, the growths just. Disappeared. A miracle. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it sounds... unlikely?

I also asked about my shoulder, which I mentioned like hals a dozen times to multiple people, including him when I first entered the room. He, again patronizingly told me I should've mentioned it sooner, there's no time left now.

So then he agreed to me getting an MRI. Which I had done. Which brings us to today.

I'm soso glad I brought my helper (she supports me with my mental health, making and going to appointments, etc), because having a witness is always better. She wasn't allowed in the room with the doc, though (weird)

So I go in. He tells me there's nothing, they haven't found anything.

Silence. He's done talking.

I ask: "So where does the pain come from?"

"No idea."

Silence. He's done talking.

Me: "So what now?"

Him: "We could do acupuncture."

Oh fuck no. I'm not helping you line your pockets with woowoo pseudoscience. Is what I wanted to say. I instead politely declined, stating I tried it in the past and it didn't help (which is true. I was basically forced to at least try it once, since insurers pay for that crap and doctors can claim you deny treatment, which could make it harder to get actual treatment in the future. It's fucked up and there are groups trying to stop the "alternative health" crap being paid for by taxes.)

Silence.

Me: "Physical therapy?"

So he writes a prescription for that, asks if I've been doing the exercises he gave me last time. I have, they make it worse, he concludes I'm just doing them wrong and should ask the physical therapist how to do them correctly (couldn't be that they're wrong kind of exercise or any other cause, since I'm perfectly healthy after all)

And that was it. It took way longer to write it down than the appointment actually lasted. So I go back to the waiting room and my helper looks at me like I'm a ghost. I was in there for less than a minute.

She is as shocked as I am. Her main gripe is that he didn't offer anything. No solution, no speculation, bno further diagnostics, no referral to a different doctor or anything. He was just done with me. NEXT!

You can so tell when doctors are just in it for the money. More appointments, more money. My GP takes at least 10 minutes, often 20 to talk to me, brainstorming ideas and looking up stuff.

So yeah. I'm left with almost nothing. My back still hurts like a bitch. I can't lie flat on my back or even really touch my lumbar vertibrae because it hurts to put the slightest pressure on it. Which was explained by my previous diagnosis, the one that magically disappeared.

I lumber around the apartment like a zombie penguin. There's sharp pain from my lower back to my heels, along the back of my legs, when I lift something too heavy (which on some days can be a 1,5L bottle)

But I guess it's all just my imagination.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Saint & Leilani

Saint: So, how many people with my surname have found their way into your inbox today? Leilani: few Saint: I hope those few have behaved and not been too taxing on your typing fingers or your patience Leilani: you're making it sound more fun & scandalous than it came close to Saint: That would be an odd but not unentirely precedented way to welcome you for us Saint: I'm just more than aware how...much, shall we be polite and say, some of them can be, even at the best of times Leilani: 😅 Leilani: are you forgetting which one of you I live with? Saint: 😅 Saint: I am in no way doubting your ability to cope with it, or previous experience doing so, just apologizing for the times you don't feel like being so gracious about their...persistence Leilani: thanks, I think? Leilani: the sentence was a mouthful to digest but I detected some sweetness in it Saint: I'm happy to apologize for my taste as well Saint: and will try to be more palatable Leilani: coming thick & fast but still smooth with it, that's impressive Saint: I'll accept that I'm potentially being much of a muchness with some of the more well-meaning but over-the-top members of my family, if that's what you're saying Saint: but admittedly, I'll struggle to hear I'm on par with certain ones who best remain nameless until I get more of a gage for your tolerance of their particular brand of care 😅 Leilani: I'm not saying much, personally, until I work out how much of this welcome wagon is genuinely what you'd like to say vs what you feel like you must Leilani: to make up for the rest or walk on eggshells in case I crack up Saint: Well, I haven't been instructed to talk to you, if that's what you mean Saint: and without a doubt, I have no idea how I would ideally like to broach this subject, because I have literally no firsthand experience Saint: I imagine that must be frustrating, is it? Leilani: it can be coming from you but not coming from you, if you know what I mean Leilani: deep in there, maybe you've got a whole other convo you'd love to be having Saint: I'm receptive to any conversation you'd like to have Saint: well, almost any, I'm sure Leilani: you & everybody else Leilani: the talk about me is non-stop Saint: We wouldn't have to talk about you Saint: I don't have any particular bias towards the subject of you, though it would be bad manners to ask you no questions about yourself, I can refrain if you have, like I said and assumed, had enough for a while Leilani: it's good manners if I'm in no mood to answer questions about me Leilani: but it'd be my bad to tell you to shush & end this convo just like that Saint: As you've saved me from the mortal sin of impoliteness with your rhetoric there, I'll save you from having to do so and can leave it there Leilani: take a turn in the hot seat, see how you feel about it Leilani: prep if I haven't saved you from 👿🔥 Saint: I'm not inclined to believe the creator would be that unforgiving, but that's what Catholicism will do for your morals, I suppose Saint: Fire away, as it were 🔥 Leilani: you're a catholic? Saint: Culturally, definitely Saint: I'm not sure my commitment to the church is such I can claim myself as fully saved, yet Leilani: mine goes as far as loving the 1st Eid for its treats & ignoring the sacrifices of the 2nd, can't call it commitment Saint: I don't think you're alone in that philosophy and approach Saint: but I don't necessarily think that's terrible at all, as long as you're finding some joy and fulfilment from religion- that is certainly a huge tenant of all the ones I've heard of, so it can only be a positive Leilani: how my friends celebrate 🎄🎁🎅 shows me I'm not Leilani: party > church Saint: Precisely, commercialism argument aside Saint: any promotion of togetherness, community and goodwill, what could be the issue? Leilani: the issue is in the confusion Leilani: people thinking it's something its not Saint: There's plenty issue around 🎄🎁🎅 but no more than most anything in our society today Leilani: if you're trying to take issue with something on any level, you'll find a way Saint: Don't you think problems should be solved? Leilani: if it can Leilani: big if Saint: Of course Saint: I think the if only makes the pursuit of more vital, I don't find it to be invalidating Leilani: sure but some questions aren't if or but ones Saint: Such as? Leilani: if I said, you're the fittest member of this family, let's go out, your answer would be no, becos you are a member of this family, it doesn't matter if you add I would if I wasn't Leilani: the answer's still no Saint: No, my answer would be that there's truly only one absolute in this life Saint: that I know of Saint: there are laws, ethics, morality and codes of conduct in all societies, sure Saint: but nothing is certain Leilani: birth & death are certain Leilani: one brought you here, the other me Saint: I was thinking about death Saint: birth is luck, usually, it's a little different Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: accepted Saint: We can differ on perspectives there, it's fine 😃 Saint: in fact, the father would probably want to put forth an argument for the opposite, now I think about it Saint: worse Catholic than I thought Leilani: I was thinking that 🤰 = birth, the certainty part being you don't get to stay in but you know Saint: I see what you mean Saint: anyone that is here is a certainty Saint: think we're going into Schroedinger territory there, I respect it Leilani: 🙀📦 Saint: 👍 Saint: who am I to say that whatever people are before and after they're people here can't debate philosophy Leilani: these are bigger questions than I expected Saint: And I wasn't meant to even ask how you were Saint: 🤐 Saint: go on Leilani: I've got a headache now 😅 Saint: Oh dear Saint: That's the first time that's happened, I would assure you but that sounds like a losing battle and another knock for my ego Leilani: your ego wants to take it as brush off, retro as hell Leilani: but I don't get questions that deep posed around me is all Saint: Retro...God, just don't take my 'deep' questions as a sign of pretension or I'm getting more tragic by the second! Leilani: it's okay I'm not a downtrodden wifey from back in the day, we're in an era where I can just tell you no Saint: and we're all the better for it Saint: though I don't think I've asked you any question where you'd be directly answerable to me 🤔 Saint: giving me a little too much credit for the universe and it's many questions there Leilani: I don't want your ego to end this convo black & blue Saint: That's very kind of you Saint: but my ability to take criticism could be compared to your ability to cope with Grace, just so we're clear Leilani: Grace isn't hard to cope with Leilani: I like her Saint: I'm glad to hear that, it would be really hard if you didn't Saint: harder, than it is, of course Saint: don't think I'm bashing her really, as I said, they all mean well, I can just imagine that relentless good intentions and meaningful conversations to be had would get very exhausting very fast Leilani: everything's happened fast Leilani: they're all playing catch up to the unexpected Saint: But you're the important one here Saint: most, although I was adding that to try and take the pressure off but clearly that's easier said than done Leilani: this is where I add something about pressure creating 💎 Saint: I don't loathe the sentiment but does it make you feel any better? Leilani: no Saint: then I wouldn't worry Saint: and I doubt there's anything hugely meaningful I can do to make you feel better in an impactful, big way Saint: but if you think of anything on a smaller scale that you would like Saint: don't hesistate to ask Leilani: will you introduce me to everyone in a retro way? Leilani: 🗨 & 🤝 Saint: That I can do Saint: The upsides to this family being as large as it is is that you're never short of functions to hijack for whatever purpose you may need Saint: and you won't have to worry about being centre of attention unless it's your birth, wedding or death Saint: even then, people have their own agendas Leilani: no pressure or as close as Leilani: when's the next? Saint: Exactly Saint: [literally whatever and whenever we want, offer a selection to show your point lol] Leilani: [picks the one where she can serve the best lewk because gotta make an impression regardless especially when you're nervous] Leilani: it's a date Saint: That it is Saint: if you'd rather show up with another kid, I'm happy to come pick you up from Grace's Saint: up to you, of course Leilani: pick me up 🚗 Leilani: I have no idea how Grace is allowed on the road Saint: 😅 Saint: I suppose they reckon the amount of potholes, we're all playing a dangerous game at the mercy of the council Leilani: 🙏 by god's grace like Saint: Seems that's all that's left in the budget 🙄 Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: I think you're in my sister's year Saint: Venus, that is Leilani: what should I think about it? Saint: You know you hypothesized that I was the fittest member of this family? Leilani: it's too late to drop the bomb that I should've asked her to pick me up Saint: She'll need a lift as much as you Saint: but meaning, she'd have taken DEEP offence to that assertion Saint: the headache would be realer Leilani: oops Leilani: & yikes Saint: again, not here on a smear campaign Saint: but I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended she's universally easy to get on with Saint: perhaps you'll take to each other though Leilani: I'm not easy to get on with atm Leilani: but I do get a free pass Saint: You're doing fine Saint: unless this is your attempt at belligerence, in which case, sorry 😬 Leilani: attempting nothing but no pressure face to face intros Leilani: how could you forget already? Saint: 🤦 forgive me? Leilani: 💅 Leilani: hold on, I'll ask myself what my god would do Leilani: ... Leilani: yeah sure Saint: 😅 Saint: I was hoping distraction only fell under bad manners, not sin Leilani: it depends how you're distracting me Saint: What I offered would depend on how 😇/😈 you preferred your distractions Leilani: if I don't have both on offer how can I possibly choose? Saint: That's completely fair, actually Leilani: I know Leilani: so don't be unfair Saint: Wouldn't dream of it Leilani: is there anyone else you'd like to warn me about, while you're being fair? Leilani: or anyone I should run into the arms of like 🤗🤗? Saint: Warn would be extreme Saint: I don't think anyone is that bad Saint: I would have to know you better personally to say who I think you'd really click with, but there's plenty of us, I'm sure you will with someone Leilani: indulge me in the drama of it, St Leilani: 🤦😅 Saint: Oh, right Saint: you want the gossip of it all so you also have prior information on them coming into the conversations Saint: let me think then Leilani: I miss when my friends wanted to talk about that stuff Leilani: instead of me & my feelings Saint: That makes sense Saint: maybe you and Vee will get on then Saint: there's just a lot of drama to get into Saint: your head and inbox would be rocked Leilani: I've got time Leilani: & my head's already a mess Saint: Okay then Saint: bear with me if my typing speed gets retro Leilani: 😄 Saint: [just methodically go through all that is messed up with the fam nbd] Leilani: holy hell Leilani: I know I asked for that but did I though? Leilani: where have I come to live Leilani: 👋🚕 Saint: Yes Saint: sorry Leilani: hold on I need to just ✈️ Leilani: I thought my mum's relationship history was crazy Saint: It is what it is Saint: we all still manage fine Leilani: by the grace of god again, or whatever other means necessary Saint: Maybe Saint: I don't think it's all that dire now Leilani: maybe when I've come though all the stages of grief I'll be able to let you know what I think Saint: Look forward to it Leilani: I did make it sound really hot Saint: 😏 Saint: we're not all messed up, thank you Leilani: I'm used to being that half of the convo Leilani: you do you Saint: How are you messed up then? Leilani: other than having no parents now? Saint: Yeah Leilani: I'm not doing this right Leilani: any of it Saint: What aren't you doing right? Leilani: I miss her but like she's gone on holiday or a work course Leilani: not like she's never coming back Saint: Well, what's the first stage of grieving Saint: you feel like you aren't missing her hard enough, but if you were out of denial already, you'd actually be taking it way too fast Saint: be rude, right? Saint: Think of it like that Leilani: my rudeness is worse, wanting to hang out with my friends how I did before Leilani: care about 👗👠💄 Saint: Your entire world has been turned upside down Saint: of course you're craving normality Saint: I'm not just saying all this to appease you Saint: you're a kid that just lost her mum Saint: I literally do not believe there's any way you could get through this that would be wrong, or would reflect poorly on you Leilani: she needs to walk back in & badmouth all her worst clients Leilani: she can't be lost Saint: I'm so sorry Saint: that it's so unfair Leilani: unfair was when my dad stopped sending money & letters after going back home for what he said would be a few months Leilani: this is Leilani: I don't even know Saint: How old were you? Leilani: does it make a difference? Saint: Did it? Leilani: I'd just started school, so financially, yeah Saint: Do you know what he's doing now, like, where he is? Leilani: no Leilani: my mum said he had another family there Leilani: someone he was actually married to Saint: Right Saint: that was a cowardly thing for him to do Saint: the minimum would've been financial support Leilani: sadly I can't get it backdated Leilani: imagine Leilani: 👗👠💄 Saint: I'd have to look into it Saint: but probably not Saint: very hard to enforce at any rate Leilani: & taking food out of his other children's mouths, assuming he has some others Saint: Yeah Saint: but you can't be held responsible for his life choices Leilani: neither can they then Saint: I meant it'd be his problem to worry about and solve Saint: but I can understand not wanting to literally steal candy from a baby, as it were Leilani: I haven't been his problem for years, I'm Grace's now Leilani: this family's with all their existing crazy Saint: Okay, getting in contact with your dad for reparations isn't the first step Leilani: it's a mis-step Leilani: he fell off the earth, I'm not following him Saint: Okay Saint: so, what would you be doing with your friends today, if things were normal? Leilani: 🛍 Saint: So, I'll give you both options Saint: I can drive you to your friends, or whatever 🛍 you go to with them Saint: or you can come 🛍 with me Leilani: you can take me Leilani: they don't know how to act now that I'm 💣💥 Saint: they probably think they're giving you time Saint: but really, they're asking for it Saint: at least, that's how I see it Saint: maybe next weekend, or the next Saint: but we can go for now Leilani: it's okay, I wouldn't deal any better if the roles were reversed Leilani: it's not their bad that there's nothing to say or do Saint: You're very fair Saint: not to detract from how much of a 💣💥 you feel Leilani: you're flattering me like I'm not a 💣💥 Leilani: I don't know what that says about you Saint: It's honesty, not flattery Saint: The situation is a 💣💥 Saint: I've seen people handle significantly worse, that's all Leilani: it feels nice, honesty doesn't usually Saint: that's a resounding endorsement Saint: probably a bit too smug to put on a poster or LinkedIn but still, I appreciate it Leilani: you know what I mean, honesty is usually like that 💅 isn't the one or you need braces, child Saint: I think people purposefully conflate being honest with being rude Saint: but you can weaponize anything if you're that sort of person Leilani: yeah ☕ Saint: There's plenty of that sort at church Leilani: & the salon Saint: I've spent less time there myself but I imagine they're much of a muchness Saint: 👵 they all love me, obviously but father is a perfect case study for diplomacy Leilani: it's a type of church for some people Leilani: they take it as serious as a religion Saint: Hair and beauty has always been important Leilani: they just like being able to see results, there's no guarantee when you pray Saint: I'd argue there's no guarantee you get the result you wanted Saint: perhaps even less than 🙏 Saint: maybe you get what you need, not what you want Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe not for 👵 if they're trying to look 👩 Saint: it highlights the limitations of communication Saint: you think you've asked concisely for one thing, and you end up with something that's nothing like that at all Leilani: I swear I did see my mum work some genuine miracles, that said Saint: It is without a doubt impressive what can be achieved Leilani: what do you want to be? Saint: I want to work for the government Leilani: we haven't been talking that long but that has come through Saint: Is there any particular way you'd like me to take that honesty? Leilani: as a compliment? Leilani: I think Saint: 😅 I think I can manage that then Leilani: I'll tell you what I used to want to be when I was a child, that's weirder Saint: Not admitting it's weird, but go on Saint: I'm intrigued Leilani: clues: Leilani: 🦷💉🥛😁 Leilani: 🚫🍬🍭🍫 Saint: Okay, question, just the one Saint: did you want to be rich or did you just really care about oral hygiene? Leilani: I wanted to make people pretty like my mum, I suppose was the thought process Leilani: & 😁 = happy Saint: So it's even more adorable than I first thought Saint: you don't want to be a dentist anymore? Leilani: the reality is way more gory than I knew then Saint: That's enough to give me a headache Leilani: I need a job with no blood or pus Leilani: even typing that made me feel weird Saint: 😖 Saint: Subject change Saint: are you going to buy anything today? Leilani: do I need to dress to impress your family or just myself? Saint: do you want me to invite my family out shopping with us? Leilani: you do have a lot of sisters Leilani: but you know I meant do I need a new outfit for this meet & greet you're taking me to of the entire extended clan Saint: Oh, gotcha Saint: dress for yourself, of course Saint: unless dressing to impress makes you feel more at ease, in which case, go for that and you won't be alone Leilani: it can't hurt Saint: No, there we go then 😊 Saint: though you can still do the aimless browsing I know 🛍 trips are really about, of course Leilani: are you looking to dress up too? Saint: I like to look presentable Leilani: oh good becos if it was just me, Grace & your sister that'd be a statement Saint: 😅 Saint: don't worry, it won't be Leilani: I'll do my happy dentist 😁 then Leilani: as I'm thrilled Saint: I'm just as 😁 to hear that Leilani: I'll try not to turn it into a frown with excessive browsing Leilani: no promises Saint: I've got a lot of sisters, as you said Saint: I'm sure I'll cope Leilani: which one's your favourite? Saint: which sister? 😂 Saint: I'm not sure there's a diplomatic way to answer that Leilani: answer it honestly, I can promise not to slide in to share the news Saint: Well, Jay is older and we didn't meet her until she was a kid so that combined with her personality makes her the most chilled out now Saint: Vee is younger but still close enough that we were kids together, so that makes her prime annoying younger sister category Saint: then the twins are that much younger that they get to be removed from that, and I have more of that protective older brother in me Leilani: Okay so Jay's your fave Leilani: what's your brother like? Saint: No, I didn't say that Saint: but she wasn't here in the beginning and she's grown up and gone now, it's easy to have less negatives to say about her Leilani: how old were you when you met? Saint: I was about 3 when we found out about her Saint: but the process took a while because she had a dad that raised her and still wanted to even though she wasn't his like he thought Saint: I think I was about 8 when she moved in and spent most of her time with us Leilani: that must have been such a weird time Saint: it was Saint: Vee was born around the time we found out about her so Saint: that was a trial too Leilani: your parents have had a LOT going on Saint: Yes, it seems to be their forte Leilani: your brother then Saint: he's younger too, so again, protective Saint: probably because we're outnumbered too Leilani: an if question Leilani: if you had to give me one of them, as an only child, which one would you give me? Saint: 😂 an odd request but okay, let me 🤔 Saint: Probably Sekh Saint: from the short conversation we've had, you have things in common, that would work well 🛍👠💄👗 Leilani: you're gonna separate the twins? very disney channel Saint: It was either lump them in together there and offend them, or separate and acknowledge that they're separate people Saint: they'll understand 😅 Leilani: 😅 Leilani: safer if I ask Grace for a pet instead Saint: Sure that she'd be down for that Saint: 🐰🐹🐱🐶🐠? Leilani: 🤔 Saint: That is a big decision Saint: best to take your time, decide how much effort you wanna put in to day to day care Leilani: 🐱 or 🏠🐰 Saint: Cute Saint: got any names or do you need to see it before assigning one Leilani: it feels fairer to meet them 1st Saint: 👍 Saint: we can go to the nearest pet shop/shelter if you'd like Leilani: adopt don't shop, St Leilani: or else 👿🔥 Saint: Indeed 😏 Saint: but you know most shops rescue their animals now anyway Saint: except fish...but I don't know how we're morally meant to feel about breeding fish? Leilani: we won't buy any, be on the safe & 😇 side Saint: It's your day Saint: I wouldn't try to bring you down to 👿🔥 levels Leilani: thanks, I have only just moved in Saint: Definitely not my intention with this conversation, or any going forward Leilani: that comes through too Saint: Is that a compliment? Leilani: I don't know if you're 😁 or not to be a good & polite boy Saint: Why would I want to be anything less 😇? Leilani: becos of your name maybe Saint: Subverting expectations Saint: I'd argue people expect the opposite from me though, regardless of my first name Leilani: in your case pressure makes 😇 Saint: 🤞 I hope so Leilani: I'll subvert expectations for us both Saint: Is that your new plan? Leilani: I don't really have one Leilani: other than the 🛍 Saint: Well, you have time Leilani: yeah, it's the keyword that's getting thrown around most atm Saint: It's not provably true but it's most likely the case Leilani: & it'll fill an awkward silence Saint: I can clearly talk enough for the both of us Saint: it doesn't need to be awkward Leilani: this isn't, but remember how we ref-ed that you weren't the only McKenna in my 💬📱 Saint: Right Saint: is there anything you'd like me to do, beyond the formal introductions Saint: politely suggest some people give it some time, perhaps? Leilani: use the time thing against them, I like it 😅 Saint: Only fair 🙂 Saint: consider it done Leilani: we're back into retro hubby & wifey territory Saint: You think? Leilani: it's very defence squad but I'm not 😤 Saint: I'm not helping you because you're a girl and I'm a boy Saint: just because I have the ability to Leilani: I know, you're coming across capable Saint: I'd like to think so Saint: but bragging about it would not be 😇 nor helpful Leilani: I've got your back in hyping you up a 😇 amount Saint: That's sweet Saint: I promise my ego is not that fragile that I need you to but it's still nice Leilani: I'd like to think I am Leilani: that it's not all doom & gloom in me, but maybe time will have to tell, annoyingly Saint: It shows Saint: honestly Saint: you aren't what's happened to you, even if that is all you can think about right now, or feel it's all you're meant to, or are allowed to, whatever Leilani: whether or not I'm her death, I was her life Leilani: there's credit for how she raised me, I mean Saint: Definitely Saint: I don't know you yet, but I would like to get to know you, from what I've seen Saint: I won't throw out proud for her but, you know Saint: I would be in her position Leilani: I don't know what to say Leilani: that feels above nice to hear Saint: I'm almost certain she would want you to know that, at the very least Leilani: yeah, she would Leilani: she wasn't too humble for a brag Saint: 😅 Saint: you should continue that tradition then Leilani: you'll regret saying that when I make you take 10000000000000s of pictures of me posing in different 👗 Saint: 😏 I'll have to buy myself something expensive to cope, I'm sure Leilani: ⌚️ so you can keep an eye on the time Saint: I have an uncharacteristically free day today Saint: my time is yours Leilani: what are we waiting for? come get me Saint: That's what I was waiting for Saint: I'll be with you shortly Leilani: consent given Saint: 👍

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daesungindistress · 5 years

Note

Hi, Not a Seungri defender as such, but I've also not "cancelled" him yet. I've personally been following the investigation and evidence closely (like to the point of checking Korean sources). I don't know if it what I say matters to you, but I wanted to reassure you that a lot of the VIPs who are OT5 rn, aren't supporting blindly (although there's a few). In my research, I've found most accusations are unbacked media claims. However, if solid evidence should show. I'd change my opinion on it.

*to clarify what I mean by evidence. A lot of the accusations media claim Ri has done or is being investigated for are false. The assumption he was in the MOLKA has so far been disproven. The prostitution claims don’t meet up with other evidence (women out right deny it) And the two burning sun videos, both the woman dragged out and the woman supposedly drugged, have both stated these are but true. I’m not one to believe things blindly but all he women involved have denied all accusation (rn).

I understand that you want to wait for stronger evidence that might convince you to “cancel” him altogether, and that’s fine, but this far into the investigation much of the fandom has seen enough to decide that Seungri’s role in Big Bang has come to an end. The way I look at it, that is the spirit behind OT4 vs OT5. It doesn’t have to be about hating Seungri specifically, it’s more about Big Bang’s longevity… and at this time it’s tough to envision a Big Bang that can live on with Seungri in it. On that subject, I have to stop there because I’m currently in the process of writing another post about this, and I don’t want to use up all my thoughts on it here… or have to resort to repeating myself there.

As for the rest, I agree that Seungri probably isn’t guilty of everything he’s been accused of. But it’s likely he’s guilty of some things. Some of which may never be proven in court because, remember, he told his friends to change phones before turning them in to the police – which they did. It’s recently been reported that Seungri himself submitted a new phone too. He’s currently being investigated for that, this destruction of evidence, so we’ll see if it goes anywhere. By the way, this info was gathered by police during questioning of Seungri’s friends (CJH, JJY, etc).

This is an extremely important point to me. Because if he did tell his friends to ditch their old phones, and took the same measures himself, then that’s practically an admission of guilt, albeit an indirect one. Guilt for what, you ask? We may never know. He made sure we wouldn’t. He pledged to cooperate sincerely with the investigation, but… that doesn’t sound like cooperating sincerely to me. It’s exceedingly weird to me that people aren’t talking about this more.

As for the prostitution claims, yes, some women interviewed have denied. I mean… of course they’re going to deny it, prostitution is illegal in South Korea and confessing would land them in trouble. And yet, it is also possible that they’re being truthful and they are not, in fact, prostitutes. I’m willing to believe that. Keep in mind, however, that there have been multiple chats released that appear to be alluding to prostitution mediation / acting as a liaison in various locations, and the investigation is still ongoing. Police have said recently that they believe they’ve obtained some credible testimony and feel they’re making progress on those allegations, so again, yes or no, we’ll just have to wait and see. Seungri claims that many of those chats are being taken out of context. For some of them, I can accept that. For others… that rosy tint is fading fast.

The Burning Sun video of the woman being dragged is irrelevant, I think. Just a misunderstanding. Last I heard, that video showed her being forcibly removed from the club for causing a disturbance; the woman herself wrote the club a letter of apology and paid for damages. It is true, however, that women have been assaulted and secretly filmed inside the club Burning Sun; not sure about CCTV footage, but police caught two employees who were doing it, using a VIP bathroom and filming it on their phones. IIRC at least one of them is in custody. And many more women are speaking out now – specifically, about how they tried to report problems related to the club but were ignored or silenced by the local police (Gangnam district). It’s quite clear at this point that Burning Sun itself was a hotbed of illegal activity. Many arrests have been made on charges of drug use, and a few for drug distribution.

I’m not actually very interested in discussing Seungri’s role in Burning Sun, as I’m not convinced yet that he had much to do with the seedy goings-on there. Even the prostitution stuff I’m still pretty ‘meh’ about for reasons I don’t feel like going into right now. Gambling = whatever, his drug tests were clean, embezzlement… yeah that’s not great, he’ll probably just pay a fine. Tax evasion, again, sucks, probably another fine. Police collusion… jury’s still out on that one, but it definitely doesn’t reflect well on him, that he’s being questioned about it at all. Remember his comment: “Korean law is shit, that’s why I love it.” Dude. Dumb thing to say when you’re a highly-regarded celebrity who people look up and admire. And now it’s out there for the whole world to see.

Whew. And we haven’t even touched on the main source of fans’ outrage: m o l k a

It’s true that Seungri wasn’t in the majority of JJY’s molka chats and was instead in a chat reserved mostly for business. However, he was sent at least one molka video, and he did see it, because he responded to it. I’m not too fussed by his reply (”Who’s that? Oh, Oo-hyung lol”)… it comes off as more dismissive to me than anything – uninterested, mostly. Unfortunately for him, many are interpreting it as amusement. At the very least, he was aware of JJY’s molka/spycam fetish, because in his Chosun Ilbo interview he said, “Of course I tried to stop him. When I met him in person I tried to stop him and said, ‘Don’t do stuff like that, you’ll get in really big trouble.’” There’s no question anymore whether he did or did not know about his friend’s dirty habits / crimes against women. The most concerning thing, to me, is that he didn’t seem to care enough to cut ties with him because of it. If he had made a visible effort to distance himself, I think people might be more forgiving.

Also strange is his total failure to mention the women affected in any of his apologies. He’s taken the time to apologize to his former agency YG, his bandmates (seen translated as “teammates”), his fans, the Korean public, and even Mr. Kim following his assault by police at Burning Sun… but never once the women. Why? What does that say about him? I’m not sure, but I don’t think I like it.

In the end, here’s what it all boils down to, for me: whatever the extent of his involvement, it’s pretty obvious at this point that he’s not some innocent lamb being led to slaughter. Seungri let this relationship drag on for years and stuck with it, this shady bunch. This wasn’t just a one-time thing, a simple mistake anyone might make. Worse, he was warned by his hyungs many times – on camera, even, in front of fans, in front of TV audiences. They begged him not to mess up while they were away and Big Bang was dependent on him. They trusted him with the name BIGBANG. Will they, or anyone else for that matter, be willing to trust him with it again?

I hate to say it, but it looks like Seungri chose these people over Big Bang. He chose Jung Joonyoung, Choi Jonghoon, Yoo Insuk, and others over Kwon Jiyong, Choi Seunghyun, Dong Youngbae, and Kang Daesung. Forget the warnings, OT4 teased, complained, and scolded him often enough about not spending time with them outside of band-related activities. Well, I guess now we know why. He had other friends, other loyalties, other priorities. Even as recently as late February of this year, when the first KKT chats were dropped (the Arena prostitution chat), Seungri’s first concern was contacting his friends to make sure they’d be safe in the event of a “mandatory police investigation”. I don’t think he’s this horrible person that so many are making him out to be, no, but this is not behavior befitting a member of a world-renowned boyband with a tremendous following of adoring female fans. It’s a coveted position of great power and great responsibility – to his fans, to his bandmates, to himself. But with his burgeoning interest in business, I guess Seungri felt he had better, more important things and people to attend to.

And then on March 11, 2019, he saw the writing on the wall and left Big Bang.

I’m sad to lose him. But I think, in a way, we lost him a long time ago. We just didn’t know it yet.

#this is a mess #not my best post #typed it out in one go #no time to proofread #anon #ask #seungri #burning sun #at least he resigned from bb when he did #I'm grateful to him for that

28 notes · View notes

estrxlar · 3 years

Text

The Ghost Of You

06 - Too Little Too Late

Chapters songs:

Yam Yam: No Vacation

Numb: Men I Trust

4EVER: Clairo

—

Sugawara

Hey, I won't be riding the bus this morning. My father is visiting and I have to spend the morning with him I'm guessing. I might be available after school, though. So if you wanna walk

Yeah, I'll let you know. I hope everything with your dad goes okay.

Okay. See you later then.

Yeah, you too.

—

One last message from Sugawara is received, before I close the messaging app, and turn off my phone. I wasn't quite ready for what was to occur this morning: seeing my dad. You would think I would be happy about it, or at least be a little excited. But really, I couldn't be more stressed. All my father has ever done is criticize my talents, my behavior, and almost everything that has to do with me being me. Every time he comes to Japan, which isn't a lot, it's the same lecture all over again about what I'm doing with my life, and where I'll be when I'm older.

But at least two or three more hours of sleep. Might as well take advantage of missing a day, right?

—

As I stretch out my arms under my sheets, a knock on my door is heard, followed by my mom's soft voice. "Y/n, your father is getting you today. I'm off to work, okay? Make sure to feed Astra." Her tone is low and worry full, but I wouldn't blame her. Surely your ex-husband coming back shouldn't be so easy.

"I know, mom. Thanks. You have a good day," I say back to her, hearing her footsteps slowly disappear. That's my queue to begin getting ready. What I wear consists of something simple: a thin white shirt, a sage green sweatshirt on top, and jeans with white sneakers, which is something safe. I wouldn't want him to begin criticizing me by starting with my outfit. And as for my hair, I wore it the way I always did.

After a few moments of getting ready, I stand up in the mirror, making sure my personality wasn't showing on the outside. I hated that this is how I had to think of myself when around my parents, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. As suspected, a few minutes later, a message from him appears informing me he had gotten here.

—

Dad

Hey! I'm outside, come quickly so we can grab something at that small cafe you love.

Okay, I'll be out there in a second.

—

Nothing baffled me as much as him being so normal about this situation did, but there wasn't much I could say to him. I could only imagine how many questions he would ask me, or if he would even care about the important things, like if I was going through anything.

Reaching for a basic shoulder bag, I say my farewell to the cat, and make my way downstairs. Once I reach the front door, I take a deep breath and open it to reveal the usual view, except an expensive car stood in the driveway, with a smiling man inside of it. I smile back, easing that he didn't look pissed as fuck. After that, I locked the front door and walked towards his car.

Hesitantly, I pull the handle and step into the front passenger seat. "Hey, Dad." I greet him, meanwhile closing the door. "How've you been?"

"Hm, I've been just fine. What about you?" He begins to pull out of the driveway, and soon enough, we're on the road. "There's much to talk about."

I nod, as he states the obvious. "Yeah, of course."

This is awkward.

My hands begin to fidget, popping and stretching my fingers while he drove on the road, saying absolutely nothing. That was until I asked something to fill the empty space between us. "How's work been? I heard you got a bunch of promotions."

"It's been like always; normal. But yes, I have gotten promotions. I guess I've exceeded the limit, though. So.. what about you? You're still on your whole band-thingy?" He clears his throat, turning into another street: the same Suga and I would walk. "Your aunt says she's excited to work with you."

My aunt, AU/N, was my blueprint. She was my father's little sister, and she had a hell of a lot of money. One time when she was younger she slipped in dog pee at Walmart and sued them 50,000$. Since she was a musician, and far more successful than my band, she decided to start her label, signing many small bands like mine. And so, since I had a connection, my friends and I decided to sign with her during the summer after we graduate. We'd have to move to New York in America, but that was just fine. Because moving meant we could establish a good career and attend college as well.

"I'm excited too. You know, to move and all." My eyes take mental images of the portrait outside today. Trees were finally growing leaves again, and grass as well; spring was around the corner. "Why the sudden visit? Is there a conference being held in Miyagi?"

My question seems like have made him uneasy, for his fingers began making small beats on the steering wheel. In no way did I mean to be so sudden, but an answer to my asking was necessary.

Thankfully, his response isn't a shout and rude remark, but a simple explanation that frankly made me feel better about his stay. "I'm most likely not gonna be able to see you before you graduate, so I wanted to spend a day with you. I know I said I'd drop you off at school after breakfast, but I thought we could hang out longer.

Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

—

To my surprise, the drive wasn't as short as I thought. A total of thirty silent minutes felt as if it was an entire hour. Once we arrived at the small cafe in the plaza, the both of us got off the car and glanced at each other, beginning our way towards it.

I had a certain idea of why he'd picked this spot for us to eat at. When I was younger, I'd spent lots of time here doing whatever I was up to, and usually with one of my close friends, (not that we're close anymore.) To be completely frank, it came to me as a shock my father even paid attention to how much I adored this place. The light lavender concrete walls and cutesy pots with succulents and house plants. Not to mention its colorful m decorations, far more improved than when I was a little kid. Still, it drew Moku, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Toruku to make it our number one hang-out spot from the ages of 8-14, even if it wasn't as attracting as it is now.

As we enter, the small bell at the top of the door rings, and we're greeted by a young girl at the counter that surrounded many baked goods. "Welcome!" She says, meanwhile packing up an online order. "Is there anything I could help you guys with?"

"Two coffees, please." My father replied, holding up two of his long, worn-out fingers. 'Coffee? I mean, I guess. Not that I cared or anything. I honestly preferred the tea with the little peaches in it— what was it called?' My father's voice cuts off my thoughts. "And a fruit lemonade for her. The coffees are for me; long hours!"

'That's it!' I said to myself internally, briefly smiling at the worker while she wrote a few words down. And soon enough, we're told it'll take only a few minutes. Still, it baffled me my father even remembered such a little thing I loved when I was a child.

What a try-hard.

The two of us find a corner table for two, and he pulls out a chair for me to place myself. I do so, as my father does the same. Then, a long-awaited conversation begins. "How did you know I liked this place?"

He straightens his collar, saying, "You never stopped talking about it when you were little."

"And the drink?"

"I just remember how many times it appeared on my taxes from this place, that's all." He chuckles, leaning onto his arm along with stroking his sharp beard. "Why do you ask?"

Without thinking, I answer sharply, looking down at the wooden patterns on the table. "Why do you think? I didn't think you'd paid attention," I say to him, quickly looking up for a rude remark.

He effortlessly sighs and keeps the situation unproblematic. Although, I wouldn't have minded diving deeper into the reasoning of his absence. "I did sometimes. Sorry."

I tell myself to leave it at that, to leave it at 'sorry', but I can't. I can't not say something. "Can I ask you something? And I want a valid answer, not excuses. I know you wanted to have a nice time but this is the most I've talked to you in the past year so I'd rather get straight to it than poke around the elephant in the room."

In the corner of my eye, I see him nod, giving me an okay that I could rant. Well, more like calmly let out my feelings. "I just— I don't understand what happened. After you and mom got busy, it was a total blur. I'm not asking for you two to get together again, and I never questioned why you split up either. I'm simply asking why you guys forgot you had a daughter, that's all."

Not more than a split second later do I realize how rude that sounded. But too bad, I wanted to know. A few silent seconds slide by while he seems to be thinking of an answer, and explanation. Then, the sound of footsteps coming towards us, signaling our beverages had arrived.

"Two coffees," the young lady mumbles, setting them in front of my father as he smiles. "And a fruit lemonade!" She exclaims. The pink-tinted drink makes waves in cold glass in her hand once it's set down. "All set. Is there anything else I can get for you two?"

We shake our heads lightly.

"Alright then! Enjoy!" She beams, then happily walks away. Ever since I was younger, I never understood why the store wonder daughter was so nice. But I'm guessing it lasted throughout the years, or else she wouldn't treat customers so gently.

Father slowly lifts the drink to his lips, and enjoys his cinnamon roast, while I feel my back aching from the perfect posture I perform around him. "Ah, carry on, Y/n. What is it that makes you so upset? The idea your mother and I did all we could to give you a better life, or is it that we picked ourselves up and became better people?" His manipulative tone comes in, sending mixed signals. But I could see where he was coming from completely.

"I just wish you two had taught me what it's like to be a proper parent. Instead, every time I would try getting your attention, you would always look away, and send me off to do something else." I feel my hands squeeze my thighs under the table, as I look up and down at my father with a silent yet harsh tone, "all I wanted was to admire you and learn what was so interesting about sitting in an office working for another person. But that's changed now, right? Because you've maxed out the level of superiority now that you've not done a single other thing."

"Y/n—"

"The fact you worked endlessly doesn't bother me as much as you criticizing me does. It truly hurts me that you attempt to steer me into another direction every time you visit when you haven't even been to at least seven of my birthdays. I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot it, either. You would judge who I hung out with, what I liked to do, everything. You even judged the way I handled my best friend dying, yet didn't think to send me to therapy. Toruku's mom is the one who took us to get help, not you. Why do you do it? Why do you think it's a good idea to bring me down? You've never been there for me, so you don't know me. You never will, father. You'll never know who I am."

A trembling hand reaches for my drink quickly, as I sip from the thin black straw in silence, taking in as much as I can. And all he can do is sit quiet, still processing my explanation.

That is until he speaks, finally. "I'm— I'm sorry."

"It's too late for that."

He nods.

The straw twirls between my fingers during the spinning memories of spending more time with my friends than my parents that ran through my mind. But it's whatever, right? I did just fine raising myself. At least that's what I told myself. Truth is, I needed people. I needed to grow with others on my side. It wasn't any wonder that I felt so lonely when I was younger. I'm dependent, yet independent.

Before getting up from my seat, I make sure to down the rest of the cold lemonade I had in my hand and grabbed both my hood and small bag. "Can we go now? Please."

"Sure. We can leave."

—

After getting home, I can't help but immediately let a few tears escape my eyes. The fact two words were all my father could say made my blood boil and my bones stiffen, especially since it was the last time I would talk with him in person before I graduate. Maybe I could meet him before he goes back to Korea, but I'd rather not. Not after leaving it at that.

The doors slam still echoed through the house, while I sat against the front door, crying in my lonely arms. No car to leave, and no one to hear me except a sleepy cat. While I do so, every thought of ever healing the hole between our relationship entered my thoughts, and the never-ending process of realizing I can't fix it hurts just as much as the pain in my chest.

Throughout the blur of water in my eyes, I make out the image of a white figure lying across my feet. I look up briefly, wipe my eyes, and stroke Astras back. Her soft, thin hair glides between my fingers, giving me a realization that I wasn't completely alone. No, I wasn't. I still had old friends and family that supported me, other than my father.

Right now, I had to think about the things that were important to me. The things that would help me grow, not look back at my regrets. Maybe the purpose of his visit was a sign from the universe, telling me to get over my past because my goals are too close for me to hesitate.

I needed a break from today. A nap, possibly. I don't think I'd be going back to school anytime soon, so I might as well rest a bit. That's exactly what I need, rest after a long week. After all, the weekend was just around the corner.

I slouch up the stairs with the chunky cat in my hand. By the time I reach my room, both my pants and shoes are in the other, and I'm ready to knock out between messy blankets.

—

'Ring!' My phone makes alarms under me, sending vibrations through the pillow my head rested on, making my eyelids quickly open. A hand snaked for the device, bringing the bright screen up to my face. It was no other than the band group chat.

Xanax sluts

Giki

Guess who just got invited to a party

Toruku

Giki

No me but I asked if you guys could go and they said we can bring whoever

Toruku

Bruh

Who is hosting it

Giki

Some chick names Miya I know. She's a third-year and seems like a stuck-up little bitch but she's actually pretty cool.

Hikishi

Omg I love her she's so sweet

Oh I know who you guys are talking about she's the girls' volleyball team captain

Giki

Yeah

Anyways she said you guys could go

Hikishi

When

Giki

Uhh

In like

An hour?

HUH

GIRL IM NOT READY FOR A PARTY TN I JUST GOT IN THIS ARGUMENT WITH MY DAD 😟

Giki

Oh come onnn just slap on a dress or something and we can go

Hikishi

WAIT YES IM SO BORED

Toruku

Will, there be alcohol

Giki

Toruku

Will there be drugs

Giki

Toruku

Then this isn't a party-

Giki

Come on she's my friends and I promised you guys would go plus she's super popular so everyone's gonna be there AND she's rich

Toruku

And who's driving us

Hikishi

You mf who else

Fine I'll go but you guys better not do anything to cause attention, if there's gonna be snobby people then we're most likely to be looked down on

Hikishi

I'm so excited yayy

Toruku

What are you excited about there's no drugs or alcohol

Hikishi

Cause this is the first party we're going to ever since last month

Toruku

Oh yeah

Giki

Mhm it's like this back to school party

Toruku

Giki if this is a kids party I'm gonna slap the lesbian out of you

Giki

ITS NOT YOU TOUCH-DEPRIVED TWINK

See you guys in an hour ig

Hikishi

Oh-

—

Mom

Going out tn

Ok. Are you staying at anyone's house?

Maybe. Idk yet

How did it go with your dad

It went fine

Good baby I'm glad

Tell me when or if you get to someone's house

Ok I will love you

—

Happy that my mother didn't make an argument, I sigh, checking the time. It seemed pretty dark outside, so it had to be around eight or nine. And quickly after, I decide it's best to begin getting ready, again.

—

Please note chapters, it means a lot. I work endlessly on these making sure they're perfect for you guys. Have a good rest of your day, and I hope you take care of yourself. Love you lots!!

- estrxlar

0 notes

ayanacam · 4 years

Text

Stand Still

:02

Five months ago...

July 17th, 2022

The nursery was a pale mint blue, accents of gray, white, and yellow surrounding the walls. The furniture was a crisp white wood. A crib and dresser on opposites of the wall, fitting perfectly in the vision Christen had been wanting ever since she had graduated high school and had worked in her friend's mother's baby store. She knew yellow and pale blue was a neutral color, meant for any gender and she had perfectly executed it. Everything was perfect.

Christen's hands caressed her belly, her stomach protruding slightly since she was entering her second trimester. She had gotten around to finally picking a day to go and get checked. She had found out she was two months pregnant, realizing that the stress and "flu" symptoms were actually her pregnancy hormones all out of whack; however, she couldn't have been happier to find that she was expecting. Something she had been wanting with Dallas since their first year of marriage.

Thank god for miracles... Christen thought.

"Baby?" Dallas' voice sliced through her silence.

She turned, her eyes washing over her husband. Blue button down shirt and a simple sweater, pair of dark wash jeans and khaki Clark's covering his feet. He looked delectable and her libido sky rocketed with another glance.

Dallas smiled, knowing. Lately Christen had been insatiable, her hands and mouth everywhere over him within the last few weeks; especially with the fact of painting the nursery. He had been practically naked and what should've been a week paint job, turned into three.

"Alright Mrs. horny," Christen blushed. "Everyone is starting to arrive, come on."

Christen giggled, her hands covering her stomach before she moved towards her significant other.

"You ready to tell them?" Dallas gathered her hands into his.

She nodded, butterflies filling her stomach consistently at the thought of telling her family and friends that they were going to have a child. Everyone had expected them to come back from their honeymoon pregnant, but all that glowed was her tan skin from their vacation in Tahiti.

"Hey," Dallas pulled her into his chest, squeezing her gently. "This is a happy moment. Don't let the years of failed tests reign over the positive one."

He always knew what to say, Christen smiling as she looked down. Her button down baggy shirt covered what she knew was there and it made her happy. For awhile she lived with a baby without someone knowing. She got the bliss of knowing that the baby was just hers and Dallas' for a few months. No constant calls of checking in and overbearing parents, she wasn't quite ready to give it up.

"Alright, come on."

Dallas could see the gears turning inside of her head, eventually going to lead her into regression of the choice to let their closest family and friends know that they were soon to be parents. He placed his lips upon her forehead and interlaced their fingers together. He gently tugged at her, away from the nursery.

They descended the staircase, their family and friends all over the house. Some in the living space or in the kitchen attached. The house was buzzing.

"Hey! It's Christen." Logan yelled.

Everyone joined, a smile lighting her face.

"Hi Logan." She chuckled, walking over to him, embracing him shortly.

"What's going on? How are you?" Logan grinned.

"I'm great," she beamed. "You?"

He nodded, "I could be better but all's well that ends well."

She nodded, "Well if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

"I know." He had a small sad smile. "It's good to see you sis."

"Good to see you too baby bro." She punched his shoulder in playful manner.

Others eventually, one by one and groups, had said hello and began to eat the food Dallas had cooked. For about an hour and a half, everyone socialized, drinks were continuously poured and food consumed.

"Alright, alright, alright!" Dallas exclaimed.

Everyone's chatter had slowly quieted, Christen's nerves slowly building in anticipation.

"So I know you guys are all wondering why we have brought you here, even though we were all together about and week and a half ago for Fourth of July." Dallas chuckled.

Christen's eyes filled with tears as she took her next breath, "I know you guys were expecting us to be pregnant the moment we stepped off the plane from our honeymoon."

"Oh my god," Christen's mother Amelia gasped.

"We've brought you here today, to tell you guys that we are four months pregnant." Dallas smiled, looking down at her stomach, his hand gliding over the material covering it.

Everyone began to yell, cheerfully and loudly. Multiple group hugs and kisses were shared as everyone took in the news. Christen was crying and Dallas was beaming, so proud of what they had created and were now starting.

"Wait wait wait, you mean to tell me for four months I didn't know you were pregnant?" Amelia smacked Dallas' arm.

"Ow, Jesus woman." His hand soothingly rubbed the spot she had hit.

"Christen?" Amelia's gaze landed on her.

"We wanted to be sure we could make it past the first trimester. We didn't want you guys to get your hopes up." Christen guiltily shrugged.

"Well nevertheless, I'm happy for both of you. Congratulations son." Chris, Dallas' father, had clapped his shoulder.

"Thanks pops. Means a lot." Dallas smiled.

For the rest of the night, things had gone smoothly. Questions that were asked, had been answered and the nursery was shown to everyone. For the first time Christen's heart was content fully. As she looked around, everyone in her home was just as ecstatic as she had been when she found out.

Dallas and Christen had eventually ushered everyone out, the last wave and car leaving soon after they announced they had an early morning for a doctors appointment and a La Mas class.

"Thank you." Christen kissed her husbands chest.

"For what?" Dallas looked down at his wife.

"For giving me everything I could've ever possibly wanted." Christen played with the clear buttons.

A small grin graced Dallas' face as he looked at his wife being a slight mush. He knew she hated being one but had her small moments here and there.

He tilted her chin, "Thank you for being everything I've ever wanted."

Tears brimmed the sides of her eyes before Dallas pulled her into a sweet kiss. They stood on their porch, the lights a low glow. They were content and blithe.

Present Day...

January 16th, 2023

It was dimly lit in the interrogation room, a small overhead light swaying over the head of the table. Christen squinted, laying her head onto her forearms; the headache stronger than ever. The pain medication was doing nothing to subdue, her edginess more noticeable than ever as Andrew rubbed the small of her back.

"You okay?" He questioned.

It had been restless nights, ever since the unfortunate scene of events a week ago. It wasn't okay, but at this point she didn't know what that was.

"I'm fine." she responded quietly.

"You sure?" Andrew leaned, matching her eyesight.

"No, but if I'm here I must be." She admitted.

"You know Chris, we can do this another day. We don't need to rush anything. The trial isn't for a few months anyways." Andrew confirmed.

"I don't want to do this later. I don't want to get to a place where I am at least on the verge of being fine and reopen wounds." She fanned her hands around on the table. Her breaths had quickened. Her heart was racing uncontrollably, something she hadn't been able to confine the last few days.

"Christen." Andrew's voice broke.

"What?" Her eyes, filled with salty teardrops, were glassy.

"Do you want to do this another day?" Andrew asked, slowly.

She shook her head, her shoulders slumping forward; her weight resting against the middle of the cracked black table. It seemed like forever before the detective who was handling the case walked in, closing the door behind him. He nodded towards Andrew and opened his mouth as if to try and express his sympathy, but nothing came out. There was nothing that he could say that would make what he was about to say any easier.

"Ms. Collins."

Christen looked up, dried tear stains marking the redness of her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and besides her cheeks, the rest of her looked sickly and pale. He wasn't about to comment on that though, he knew better not to.

"I won't ask you what you're feeling. I know whatever it is, isn't good and we won't rehash that." A slight pause, a deep breath followed suit. "I came across some information about your late husband. Dallas Collins."

"What information would that be?" Andrew's brows furrowed.

"Dallas Collins had been money laundering for what seems to be like, the past four years. Documentation of the accounts we found offshore and in other banks suspects that he might've taken them over from a person in a higher position who had retired."

Christen's eyes had widened, her hands shaking slightly. Her mind raced as she wondered how she couldn't have known. She had always handled the bills, the taxes, anything that meant paying companies and government officials. Her mind wandered around into the small dark corners of her brain to see if she could scour anything she could remember about anything. If something had been off or if Dallas had ever shown fear about money or people.

"Apart from that, it seems like Dallas was also involving himself into the underground drug trade, selling millions worth of cocaine, heroine, and methamphetamine's. Dallas must have gotten himself into some nasty business with a guy named Grant Valente. Do you know that name by any chance?"

Andrew's mouth was dry. All those accounts he had been handling for Dallas, multiple cards and bank accounts. He should've known. As Andrew looked over to Christen, he realized that Christen was looking even worse than before. She was like a sheet of white, pale as ever and a small sweat had broken over her skin.

"Ms. Collins?"

"No, I don't." Christen blankly answered.

Her mind was reeling, all over again. Dallas showed no fear or concern for anything dangerous lurking around their lives. Everything was always, "I'll handle it" or "It's fine baby, nothing to worry about" with a kiss placed on her lips and something else filled her mind as she was whisked into something romantic. Nothing ever screamed at her, nothing but happiness in what was turning out to be fucked up a world.

"Nothing at all?" the detective questioned softly. "Anything that could be weird. Multiple bank accounts, prepaid cards, late night phone calls, reflection of questions when you asked anything?"

"We had multiple bank accounts. Something about savings and how it would help us with retirement since the health benefits from his job were apparently shit." Christen's head was pounding, her face stuck into a frown.

"Alright that's good, anything else?"

"I never checked his wallet, but I always saw a lot of cards whenever he pulled it out, just from what I could see." Christen's shoulders moved.

"Anymore, can you think of a time he ever seemed to be secretive."

"If Dallas was secretive he had something sweet or romantic planned out. I don't think I've ever seen him being secretive about something like this." She murmured softly.

Her whole world, in which she thought was a good one, was turning out to be something completely different. She had no idea that her late husband was apart of something so dangerous and sickening. Her stomach was turning, bile rising up her throat as she continued to ponder about his late night activities.

"Also, Ms. Collins," the detective knew he was about to officially break her.

"Yes?" Christen looked up, the light too much for her migraine to handle.

"From looking into Dallas's bank accounts, we found some activity we feel you should know about. Dallas, it seems, was leading a double life from the payments we've looked over. Dallas had a wife in New York, Manhattan to be more specific. They had two kids."

Andrew's eyes grew, "Bullshit!"

The detective grew, opening the file that was laid out on the old beaten up table. His fingers skimmed through a few pieces and packets of paper before pulling out a few pictures, Dallas laced within each and every one of them. Andrew had snatched the file, looking over the woman and two kids pictured with Dallas, smiling and happy. Christen broke, officially sobbing into her hands. Andrew was yelling, while officers had made their way into the room to get Andrew off of the detective.

Christen was tapped, her head not registering anything she was hearing in reality. Her mind wasn't set on what was going on now.

"Ms. Collins, can you hear me?" A cop, dressed in blue and black.

She nodded slowly, her eyes resting on the blue ones that crouched in front of her.

She looked around, the room completely destroyed. The table had been flipped and papers were scattered. The small space was wrecked to the fullest. Andrew was being restrained in the corner, Christen finally coming into her senses and hearing his wails to defend her cheating husband. She stood, pushing past the cops holding Andrew gently aside. She stood and looked at her friend of years, her hands softly grasping his face into them.

"It's okay, Andrew. It's okay. You're okay." Christen consoled.

"It's not true Chris, he loved you. Everything in him screamed love for you." Andrew cried.

"I know." Christen lied.

He didn't love her, Christen knew this. If that was the case, he wouldn't have had a double life. He wouldn't have lied and cheated. Wouldn't have given another woman kids before her. Wouldn't have even had another woman. Did the woman know about her? Did she know about her and Angela or what Dallas had been doing for the past few years? Christen sank to the ground with Andrew as he held his head between his hands.

"I can't do this Chris. I didn't know he-"

"I believe you." Her voice broke, there was nothing she could do.

"I'm so sorry." Andrew stared blankly at the cold ground.

Christen shrugged, sitting beside him leaning on his shoulder. She didn't have any fight over her, but something was brewing beneath her skin. Rage, dangerous and threatening. She wanted to know so many unanswered questions. She didn't know if she was strong enough to have them answered or to meet the other woman.

"Ms. Collins, it would be best for you both to leave." Christen looked up, the detective a little disheveled as she saw the pity in his eyes.

She nodded, her hand closing around the width of Andrew's arm. Pulling him out of his small trance of disbelief, he realized he needed to be moving. He saw the detective, his pride coming into play before knocking some sense into his self.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get physical." Andrew hung his head in shame.

"Understandable, you guys led a life that was normal, stable and ordinary. It's a lot to take in in such a short period of time." The detective placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Do me a favor," Andrew looked up, "This is the address to Caroline Davis' house in Manhattan. Give her a visit. Or talk to Christen about it and get her to visit. They're pretty broken as well."

"Did they know about her and Angela?" Andrew interrogated.

The detective's facial expression was all he needed to see to answer the simple question, that yes they did know about her. Andrew sighed and took the slip of paper before he walked over to Christen sitting in the waiting room of the police station. From what Andrew could see, Chris was broken in every sense of the word. Not only had she lost her husband and baby in an ugly fight that was only meant for Dallas. She just found out that her whole life was a lie, yet she was supporting him.

"You ready to go?" Andrew fingering the small piece of paper in his pocket.

She nodded, her throat constricting as she tried to hold herself in the station. She didn't want to be perceived as weak. Of course the situation at hand warranted emotions and breakdowns but that wasn't her, not in the slightest. Andrew escorted her out of the lobby, multiple cameramen and microphones thrust into their face, together and separately.

"Is it true that your husband was apart of a major drug ring?"

Apparently so.

"Are you going to testify against Monica Stratford and Grant Valente?"

With everything in me.

"Is it true your husband had an affair?"

Fuck him.

"Ms. Collins, are you pregnant with your husband's baby?"

No comment.

"Will Angela get justice?"

She hoped.

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