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padfootdaredmetoo · 8 months

Text

Pt 6. Blood Bath

Things come to a head at Arrow House. The enemy makes their move as they have the Shelby family cornered.

Warnings: blood, graphic description of murder, panic, peaky themes

Previous Parts

Tommy watched the boy size him up, and he hated the respect he had for him. Noah cared about you more than he feared him.

“Now before you round on me for kissing her, what are you going to do about that fucking priest.” The boy’s eyes were dark and his knuckles were white.

So they had that conversation.

“Need to clean this mess up first.” He answered not happy with the situation.

“And after.” The boy pressed.

“Haven't been in that business for a long time,” Tommy said not wanting to admit the murder he already had planned.

“That’s still our business and -”

“Then we’ll handle it together.” The words came out without thought. This seemed to put the boy at ease.

“How long were you going to sleep on that?” His anger was understandable, he hated how much of himself he saw in the boy.

“Only found out a few days ago-” The boy held up his hand.

“Not the time to send people away. But you were going to do something about it.” Tommy gave him a nod, his patience wearing thin. This boy in his house questioning him on his love for his daughter. “Good. Sorry, Mr. Shelby.”

Tommy cocked his head to the side slightly.

“Just hate seeing her like that.” they both gave each other a nod. For your comfort, he let you stay in your own bed, unsurprised when he heard footsteps creaking into your room later that night.

Noah cared about you enough to be a man about the situation, and if a single kiss had you puking your guts out he felt like the danger of a pregnancy was too far away to be a concern.

___________________________________________

You laid awake in bed thankful that Esme had looked after you throughout the afternoon. She made you some tea and broth, both helped settle your stomach but nothing helped the numbing buzz radiating through your system. Polly came through in the evening and brought you a glass of brandy.

She had a look in her eye that told you Tommy must have mentioned what happened. She didnt say anything but mentioned she was in the room next door if you needed anything.

Then the unthinkable, but somehow expected happened. Noah pushed your bedroom door open. He pointed to the bed and you nodded at him.

“Will you freak out if I lay beside you?”

“No.” You whispered back. He got into bed and you immediately made things indecent by moving up against his body. Feeling him close put the fears of him leaving at bay.

“I’m worried you’ll break up with me.” You said softly, you were surprised you got the words out so clearly.

“Definitely not going anywhere. As for the physical stuff, lots of time to figure it out.”

“I don’t want you to think- like you know that I - just - erm - it’s just sort of complicated but - I do, I do want you.” Your chest closed up and swallowed in on itself like a black hole.

“Woah, you have a thing for me? This whole time I thought we were just good friends.” He ran a hand through his hair blowing out a large breath. You swatted at him, wanting him to be serious. “I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered before kissing your temple.

“I will figure it out.”

“I know you will.”

_______________________________________________

The next morning there was a severed hand tied to the gate. Johnny Dogs brought it up to the house and you caught a glimpse of the frozen hand before your dad redirected you and Noah to the downstairs to distract the children.

“Why would they -”

“It’s a warning, they know we are here and that they are coming,” Noah answered accepting another picture drawn by your little cousin Elena. “Thank you, darling.” He said giving her a pat on the shoulder. “It’s really good.” She looked up at him in adoration before running back to the coffee table to start on another one.

You sunk into the couch next to him. You could feel he was tense, eyes scanning the room’s windows and doors periodically. You made up the excuse of needing the bathroom and dashed up to your room.

Deep down you knew it was pointless, no one was going to come close enough to use it. Not to mention people used guns these days. But tucked in between your mattresses there was a large dagger. John and Esme had got it for you from a trip they took to the Highlands. You tied its case to your hip and pulled your long skirt over it. It was unnecessary but it calmed your nerves knowing you had something.

You were on your way down the steps when Esme caught your arm. Her hair was more frazzled than usual and her eyes were wide.

“Take Lizzie, round the kids up, and stay in the cellar.” You went back upstairs and told Lizzie. She moved very quickly, her house coat billowing behind her. She and Noah helped wrangle all the kids into the cellar. It was cold and slightly damp, but the adrenaline running through you kept you together.

You did a head count and realized someone was missing. Elena was not here.

“I’ll go back to grab Elena, stay here.” You told Noah who was about to protest. “I know where the rest of the hiding spots are if we can't make it back here. Just stay put.” You slipped out of the door and dashed down the hall before Lizzie could get involved. You ran downstairs looking for her everywhere. Then came back up and checked the kitchen. You were about to leave when you caught her in the corner of your eye. She was outside.

You saw her red wool dress toddling towards a man standing at the edge of the woods. You opened the back door and felt the man's dark eyes land on you. The sounds of machine guns firing became unavoidable and you took a deep breath.

“Elena” You called out to her thankful your voice didn’t shake. She turned around to look and you. “Come here.” She moved towards you and you got on your knee and whispered to her.

“Noah needs you in the cellar. Tell him I’m fine, that I’m hiding. Don’t stop for anyone or anything he really needs to see you.” Her little eyes lit up and she made a dash towards the house.

You stood up and sized up your opponent.

“Come have a walk with me.” He had a gun in his hand and you knew that it was your only option, but that didnt mean you would show it. With your head held high, you went with him. Once close enough you could see him properly. He was tall and had a large hat that shadowed his sunken face. “You want to save your family? Yes?” He had a slight accent.

“Yeah, that’d be alright.” You said back casually, his eyes sparkled with curiosity.

“Well, your father has something I want. You're going to help me get it.”

“Alright.” You motioned for him to lead the way. You assumed you were a hostage, not a bad position really. He saw value in you, therefore he wouldn't kill you right away. You waited until he tucked his gun away, He took a few steps towards the forest turning his back on you. You quickly took out the dagger tucked into the top of your skirt and held it tightly.

“The thing about your family -” Much to your relief he started his big story giving you a bit of time. Quickly to catch him off guard, you charged towards him, sending the dagger right under his left rib cage.

________________________________________________________

Elena’s voice called on the other side of the door. Noah opened it while Finn was ready with his gun. The little girl ran in quickly hugging onto his legs.

“She said you needed to see me.”

“Where is she Elena,” He asked her while picking her up. She hugged onto his shoulders. “She said she's alright, she’s hiding.”

Panic shot through him and Finn quickly put a hand on his shoulder.

“She knows where to hide here, she’s probably fine.” His jaw was tight as was the grip on his arm. Lizzie sniffed and suddenly got up. Noah looked around and did the math. Finn was most likely right, you sent Elena along and had to hide somewhere else. Going after you could put you in more danger, and it would leave Lizzie and the kids one man down. He knew that would only piss you off.

He didn’t like it but it was a gamble he had to take.

“She’s alright Lizzie. She mentioned earlier if she got separated she had a few places she would hide.” He lied, and Finn gave him a slight nod. Elena stayed attached to him so he held on to her and tucked the gun he was given into his waistband. Down here it was painfully silent as Lizzie kept the kids comfortable.

“Hey, did your dad ever tell you about the time he, Tommy, and my dad got into a fight with a bear?” The kid's eyes all lit up and he sat down on a barrel and started to tell the story about the bear in the pub.

________________________________________________________

The knife pierced his lanky body and a gasp left his mouth. Your hand slipped into his jacket quickly and you grabbed his gun.

“You -” He said starting up again and you shot him, in the back, straight in the chest. The man's body crumpled.

Faces of your father and the priest started to swim in your head. Anxiety ripped through you as the blood seeped into the white snow. Flipping him over you grabbed his wallet.

“Luca Changretta” You whispered. Well, that wasn’t so bad. You looked down at the man's dark eyes and something inside you lessened. There were plenty of bad men in the world but now there was one less. You did that.

You thought of the hand-tied to the gate and let out a sigh. If that’s how these people did things, that’s just what you would have to do. You pulled your dagger out and your hands got coated in thick blood. Moving the knife to his throat you started hacking and carving away.

It surprised you how rubbery everything was, in your mind the stupid thing would just tople off. As you worked your mind tried to argue that this was a horrible thing you had done. But something in the pit of your stomach reminded you what horrible men were capable of. Maybe God's sense of humor is what allowed the dagger to pierce his flesh.

Eventually, you were covered in blood and you had a head to gift back to the Italians. You ran in the snow down the hill along the side of the house. The front yard was a complete mess. The snow was red, everything was red. Your mind swam but you kept moving forward, those were your men getting shot at.

You could see that they had made a sort of barricade and the Italians were making it down the driveway. Unsure of what to do you waited for the silence as they reloaded and let out a loud wolf whistle. You held the head up high and a roar of shouts erupted from both sides.

Before you could take another step a large bear-like figure tackled you down from the side. You instinctively used the dagger's handle to smash into its face before your arm got caught by a massive hand.

It was Alfie, in a big fur coat, looking very pissed.

“Sorry, Mr. Solomons” You whispered weakly, hoping you hadn't hit him too hard.

“You're just like your father - fucking troublemaker.” He grumbled keeping his body over yours as bullets rang out. “Take his head and run down the hill. Not go in through the back door, come out the front door, and give the head to us? Eh?”

“No class with you people. Straight savagery every time.” he continued to chatter on and it was nice to have something distracting you. The snow was deep enough that if they didnt move they were probably out of vision. He moved up slightly to look over the snow.

“Looks like you gave them the distraction they needed though, chasing them down the drive.” He let out a rumbling sigh.

“So, you were going to run down the hill causing a distraction?” You asked him, he looked down at you and narrowed his eyes.

“That’s business between me and your father.” He said in a low voice. There was a long silence and Alfie still kept you there. Your teeth started to chatter and you realized your hand was still fisted in Luca’s black hair.

“Nah, don’t start thinking about it. I don’t know how you did it but wait for a glass of whiskey. Trust me you'll be alright.”

You gave him a nod hoping he wasn't angry. Then your father pulled him off of you and picked you up. He crushed you against himself and you wondered how he could still carry you despite your size. You closed your eyes not ready to deal with everything yet.

He got you onto the couch in his study and tried to take the head away from you. It took you a long moment to realize you could let go now. You took a deep breath untangling your fingers. Tommy’s hands ran over you before a loud scream erupted. Esme was there with a look of horror on her face. Polly soon followed.

Various questions were flying around you their hands trying to push your hair back and get the blood off your face.

“Sorry.” You mumbled eyes locked on Tommy. “His body was too big to drag in the snow.” It seemed significant to apologize as you got blood all over the sofa.

“Eh, knew that knife was a good gift,” John mumbled picking the knife up off the sofa beside you.

“Hacked his head off, all by herself. They grow up so fast.” Arthur boomed looking at you with pride in his eyes. Esme gave them both a murderous look and suddenly they followed Alfie out of the study.

Polly locked eyes with Tommy who was kneeling directly in front of you. After one last look, he gave her a nod. He squeezed your hand and stood up. Polly and Esme led you up the stairs and guided you into your parent’s bathroom. It was larger than yours, but the blood smearing all over the white tiles made your stomach flutter. They sat you down on the lid of the toilet.

The warm air stung your skin and your lungs. When the door pushed open you felt your body get swallowed up in hot guilt. Lizzie looked positively feral. Her arms wrapped around you, your mind thawed out and tears started to form.

After a long while, she took a few deep breaths before helping you into a bath. First, you showered with warm-ish water to get the blood off and to get your limbs back to a normal temperature. By that point, Polly had come back with her arms full of herbs and oils.

You sat in the bathtub and she poured various things over you. The scent stung your eyes but you felt your heart lurch then become lighter somehow.

“How are the kids? Noah?” You finally whispered.

“Surprisingly, only a few minor injuries in the men, and everyone in the house was fine,” Esme answered while Lizzie gazed at the tiles on the wall. Her hand was on her belly and you could tell by the set in her jaw she was angry with Thomas.

_______________________________________________

Once you were cleaned up Lizzie got you tucked into your bed.

“I told everyone you need to rest. We can deal with everything in the morning.” She kissed your forehead and ran a hand through your hair. She left and the sadness and anger that radiated off of her brought in a fresh wave of uncertainty and anxiety.

Tommy came in a short while after. He sat on the edge of your bed looking into the fire.

“You have any questions or things bothering you?” He asked in a faraway voice.

“No, I feel a bit better honestly.” You sighed and his gaze flicked to you. “Spent a lot of time running from men like that. Now I don’t feel so helpless. Plus I think that was the last of the past coming back for you. Alfie didn’t sell you out. Things on my side are looking pretty good.”

He gave you a hard look and then nodded. You knew he was dreading talking to Lizzie.

“Dad, I shouldn't have landed that blow. It was beyond lucky, I think it was just what was supposed to happen. Elena had been lost, he was going to snatch her up, probably in exchange for John. I sent her back and he was happier with me anyway. The whole thing was lucky.” He took in what you were saying and you knew he didnt know how to respond.

“Please make her understand it wasn't your fault, If you could blame anyone blame Elena for wanting snacks from the kitchen, but she’s five, and me and Esme will fight you.” You took a few breaths but it was getting hard to breathe again. “She’s got to understand, all of us need to stick together.” Tommy put down his glass of whiskey on your side table and put his hands on your shoulders. “That’s why everything worked out all right - it’s because we stuck together- if you guys break up-” You couldn't talk anymore, your body got light and heavy at the same time, and your vision started to get blurry.

“Stop.” He commanded and you took a deep breath. “It will take a lot more than Lizzie’s anger to tear us apart. Trust me, I don't give up that easy.”

You nodded and he pushed you down into your bed. You curled up on your side holding his hand.

“It’s like with the storm, I needed to face this.”

He gave you a nod and kissed the top of your forehead. “Drink this if you can’t sleep.” He left his whiskey on the side table. “Come get me if you need anything.”

With that, he got up and left your door slightly ajar.

______________________________________________________________

He didn’t like what he did next. But he knew it would keep your mind off of things and put the boy out of his misery. He knocked on the door and waited for Noah to respond.

He opened the door and could see that he had been pacing, much like himself.

“She’s alright, bit fragile though.” He said watching the boy muster up the courage to ask the question Tommy knew he was struggling with. “If you wouldn't mind staying with her, I think it might help.” Tommy saw the boy light up but quickly composed himself.

“I could do that.” He said calmly.

“No messing around.” He said sternly before giving the boy a nod and leaving the room to go fight some more battles.

Lizzie was rummaging through her closet and Tommy realized this was probably a lot worse than he realized. He sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to start up when he heard her give a shout.

“Stupid fucking -” He saw her trying to reach a box high on the shelf. Part of him wanted to leave it there, so she couldn't pack it, and maybe it would prevent her from trying to leave. He sighed looking up at the box.

“You're a lot of things- short is one of them” She bit out crossing her arms. He pulled the stool out of the corner and he grabbed the box for her. She accepted the box and started rummaging through the folded clothes. “She could have died.”

“I know.”

“That’s it, you know, and what!?”

“And she didn’t. She saved Elena. She outsmarted Luca and tried to protect her family. I’m not happy about it, but I am grateful she’s alright.”

“Thomas - she's 17 - it was a blood bath, in no way is she alright.” Lizzie snapped.

“She said she needed to face this, she’s run from men like that her whole life. I don’t like it, I feel like I failed her every time she opens up about her past, when she was there covered in blood, I knew I failed her. But you leaving right now will be what kills her.” He knew it was underhanded and mean.

“Leaving?!” Her eyes narrowed and Tommy was grateful that the box didnt have anything hard or dangerous in it. She threw a yellow nightgown at him. “YOU THINK AFTER EVERYTHING I WOULD LEAVE HER HERE WITH YOU.” She started to rage and she almost tripped over another pile of clothes on the closet floor. He stedied her and shut the door hoping it concealed some of the anger.

She held on to him and tried to catch her breath.

“Well, your tearing the closet apart, I thought -”

“You, as always, thought wrong, stupid man.” She kept her slender fingers gripping his shoulder and he wondered what was going to happen next. Tears started to fall down her cheeks. “I’m too fat.”

Tommy was glad he rarely smiled or laughed, in that moment he knew that either of those things would have been a deadly mistake.

“I can’t fit my nightgowns anymore, the maternity ones I have remind me of Ruby.” Her voice broke and he pulled her into his arms. They stood like that for a long while. He ran his hand up and down her back, realizing if not for Ruby, he may never have been this lucky and blessed in his life. In the end, he was very sure that it was always Lizzie. She fought him every step of the way, but at the same time that also meant she chose him every single time.

He guided her to the bed and pulled out one of his long sleep shirts. It was broad and baggy, and would easily cover her frame and the ever-growing bump, long enough for him to order her some new maternity gowns. She let him undress her, then slid the cotton shirt over her head.

“I am sorry - for everything.”

“I know you are.” She said softly. “Thank you, for keeping the family safe.” He didnt know how to respond to that so he gave her a kiss. They settled into bed and he turned the lights out. For a moment he thought he might finally drift to sleep when Lizzie opened her mouth.

“So the bear in the pub huh?” Tommy let out a groan.

“Where did you hear about that?”

“Noah, he told the kids the story to keep them quiet. He’s really good with children, I think if Elena was a bit old she would try to challenge her for him.”

“Fucking boy.” Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose wondering why out of all the other 17-year-olds on the planet you had to pick that one.

_________________________________

You closed your eyes and felt good that there was nothing but darkness. No men, no blood, just an empty void. It only lasted a few moments before you heard Lizzie's muffled shouting. Your stomach rolled and you opened your eyes to look around your bedroom. The fire gave everything an inviting glow, it truly felt like your piece of the world. The thought of it being torn apart made you want to cry.

A soft tap at the door made you jump. You poked your head out of your blankets to see Noah. He forgot himself for a moment and dashed towards you. He wrapped you up into his arms and you fell back against the bed. You had a moment of initial shock before you sought out his mouth. You kissed him hard, and you felt his hands stay firmly in place on your back.

He broke the kiss and stood up moving off the bed. His face was flushed and his hair was a mess of curls. More than anything you wanted him to come back, you wanted his hands all over you. Remembering what it was like pushing him off of yourself to vomit made you calm down a bit. You knew you needed to move slowly, no matter how much you hated it. It wasn't fair to Noah.

“Sorry - I promised your dad I wouldn't mess around.” He took a deep breath looking at the ceiling.

“My dad sent you.” Your eyebrows knitted together.

“Yeah, didnt want you to be alone.” He came back to you and you moved over as he climbed into bed.

“Actually?”

“Yeah, he looked really worried. Don’t want to push him any further today.” He said tucking in next to you. Your body felt like it was on fire as he ran a hand through your hair. “Why are their flowers stuck in your hair?”

“Oh, Polly gave me a bath to make sure I wasn't traumatized or haunted.”

“Oh yeah.” He gave a nod and you let out a soft laugh at his expression of confusion.

“Guess your family doesn't do that.”

“No, not really. Lot’s to learn about.”

“Likewise. Mum said you really helped keep the kids distracted. Thanks for doing that.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I didnt go after you, Finn said you would know where to hide. Isaiah came later and said he thought you were with Polly and Esme” His arms tightened his grip on you and you fought to keep your heart in check.

“Knowing they were safe with you made it easier to deal with the situation.”

“It’s over - never again, I’m - I’ll figure out a way to keep you from everything.”

“What do you mean?” There was an edge to your words.

“We - I can’t go through that again.” His voice was heavy. “I need to sort out with my dad how to clean things up on our side.”

“Meaning you want things to be more legal?” The edge had turned to straight panic at the thought of him leaving.

“Yes, for myself, but also because your dad is right. He fought really hard to get things clean. He even sent your uncles to prison once. I won’t take you back into that place. All of them would come after you. Won’t bring everything he built toppling down. Not when you could get hurt”

His face finally looked down to meet yours. He must have seen the anxiety eating you.

“What I’m saying is, I want to do good things with my life, and I want to build you something good too. Because - I - I love you.” You started up at him in disbelief.

“I love you too.” You breathed.

It took a long time to fall asleep, but eventually, you drifted off in his arms. At some point, the morning began as light poured in through your windows. Esme poked her face in and you met her eyes. She gave you a thumbs-up and a wink before shutting the door.

You relised then that the rain was thundering on the roof. A sadness filled your chest, but insdead of dealing with it, you pressed your face against his neck and went back to sleep.

#closing walls and ticking clocks #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #peaky blinders imagine #tommy shelby imagine #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #Peaky blinders fan fic #luca changretta #alfie solomons #noah solomons

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safetycar-restart · 1 year

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How would the littles react if they woke up from a nap and hade an accident. Mabye they forgot to ask for a diaper before talking a nap or it happen to leak as they where sleeping

Charles would panic and cry he thinks his a bad boy for having an accident(he totaly is not of course but he still fels bad ) And he is a very heavy wetter. Especially when his is sleeping so its so much worse.

Max would try to hide it and clean up but would fail. He would be super mad at himself and insist you punish him. ( You clearly dont and insted have a long talk about it) But he still fells bad and won't let it go so you tell him he has to sleep/nap in diaper for a week.

Lando would not give a shit and when he wakes up and notice he just goes back to sleep and lets you to find him and change him. Fell like he is also a heavy wetter and it happened so often. That he dose not feel it or care anymore

PS sorry if its badly written english is not my first language

Aw poor things! Also don’t worry I think your English is great, English isn’t my first language either actually 😂 but anyway, great idea. I've been really vibing with little!drivers lately so this is great.

(Just a reminder that diaper stuff is tagged with 🧴 so block that if you don’t want to see this type of stuff)

CHARLES:

Poor baby he'd be so upset!! Especially because he made such a big mess. Maybe you had meant to put him in a diaper, because he was clearly regressed very young, but he fell asleep in your arms before you could do it and you don't want to wake him.

(In future, you just start changing him while he's asleep, he wakes up but he doesn't even react because he always loves how you kiss him and cuddle him while you put the diaper on and then he happily cuddles into your arm and falls back asleep)

But you didnt do that this time because you thought it would be fine, and it was most definitely not fine. In fact it was terrible.

He wakes and just starts... sobbing. He's so small and feels so bad and he made such a mess. You notice it very quickly, hearing his cries and immediately rushing to the bedroom. You clean him and the bed up, and then immediately put a diaper on him.

From then on, he always has a diaper on before he takes a nap, and if he doesn't then you put one on him.

MAX:

For max, I like the idea that maybe he leaked through his diaper instead? Because it means you've convinced him to wear a diaper for his nap, and you praised him so so so much. He was genuinely so happy to take a nap in his diaper, feeling so nice and safe.

But then he wakes up and he's leaked through? He doesn't know what to do. He's still so small, and he panics so much. And because of that, he falls into the habits he had before you. He starts to feel like the worst boy ever, like he's going to get in massive trouble and can't come to you for help because you'd punish him like his dad did.

Which of course you wouldn't. You'd NEVER do that.

You find him when you go to check on him, you always check in every now and then when he's napping. When you find him, he's desperately trying to change the sheets, and absolutely failing.

You clean him up, and then he's sobbing and begging to be punished and you absolutely refuse to do it. You won't let max be punished for something he had no control over.

LANDO:

Oh yeah Lando wouldn't even flinch. And then you're left with the absolute chaos of trying to change lando's diaper while he's just laying there and giggling. He doesn't even try to help, because he's tired and sleepy and this is your problem not his.

You've learnt the trick is that you have to let him cuddle a pillow or a stuffy and then he'll let you do it without complaint. Otherwise you'll have a half asleep whiney Lando trying to move away from you while you're trying to change him.

The little shit is lucky he's cute.

#little!driver/rider #little!lando #little!charles #little!max #mv #ln #cl #gn!reader #🧴

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chryso0 · 24 days

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What is the relationship between Kuroda and Asami? And what does Kuroda think of Aki?

Most of what we know about their relationship is from the lite novel Finder No Souen. Which has not been officially translated into English but I have read a fan made translation so I’ll give you a run down of the events.

The events take place when both Asami and Kuroda are in high school, which they go to the same elite tokyo prep school. At the time, Kuroda is being bullied by a group of random street thugs who wait outside for him and beat him up, and threaten to hurt his sister. He is paying them off, to stop them and its kinda not working and they continue to extort money from him. He’s very ashamed but feels he can’t go to anyone for help, thinking the situation will only esculate.

One day while he is heading to the place where he usually meets the thugs to pay them off, he finds them in the middle of a fight— with Asami. Asami easily deals with them and Kuroda is watching it all from the sidelines in total shock. He recognizes Asami from his school but knows nothing about him. After Asami deals with the thugs he sees Kuroda but they don’t say anything to each other and Asami just leaves.

They kinda accidently meet again and Kuroda sorta just finds him to be cool. He notices when he hangs out with Asami the thugs stay away from him, so he feels very safe around Asami despite him hearing bad and mysterious rumors about Asami from fellow students. They start a kind of budding friendship, mostly because Kuroda follows Asami around. He goes to Asami’s work place — which is a bar that Asami works in. Asami cooks for him one time or makes him drinks, and Kuroda studies at the bar while Asami is setting up for the evening.

The major part of the story is that - Kuroda gets kidnapped by the thugs. It’s kinda a long story, but basically the thugs were targetting Kuroda in the first place because his dad, who is a Judge, was the one that put their buddy/older brother dude in jail. It was in revenge for that. But this buddy of theirs gets out of jail and immediately wants to take revenge so they kidnap him. It’s pretty graphic at that point…I won’t get into detail. But its very horrid and he’s trapped with them for a few days, and he gets drugged. Asami finds out and rescues him, and takes him back to his house where he nurses him for a few days.

Kuroda owes Asami his life. This is where his extreme loyality comes from, and why he semi- works for Asami. In that he leaks him information and does things that benefit Asami like cleaning up messes. We know that Kuroda had a hand in cleaning up what happen in Tokyo after Fei Long came and took Akihito. The details on that are kinda iffy but i would guess that Kuroda is corrupt and maybe destroys evidence or withholds evidence for Asami’s sake.

Kuroda is truly one of Asami’s only friends.

In No Souen everything is in Kuroda’s perspecitive and he thinks very highly of Asami, and sometimes notes…a little too often, about his attractiveness, and how otherwise amazing he is. It’s possible this relationship could have turned into a romance —or more likely turned into Kuroda having one sidely felt something. Which i am more inclined to believe because I do not sense attraction from Asami at all. Kuroda on one hand, becomes too tramatized after what happen so I feel any sense of romance maybe died for him — but he still felt immensely grateful and loyal towards Asami. On the otherside, Asami left before it could turn into anything, as Papa Asami basically blackmails Asami to return to his side after the events of No Souen.

We know Asami left Tokyo for a while after that, he became a mercenary for his fathers organization shortly after the events of No Souen and we dont know when he returned to Japan after however long he worked for his father. Maybe they didnt reconnect until Kuroda had finished law school and was starting to work as a prosecutor.

Now lets get to the second half of your question. What does Kuroda think of Aki?

Their meeting in vol 7 is very memorable! Kuroda was being super salty! I think he just wanted information out of Akihito and as a prosecutor he can be kinda sly about getting that information. When he’s originally grilling Akihito, its very clear to me that he knows very little about their relationship. Which makes sense because I dont think Asami is the type to gossip about that. Kuroda didn’t even know that they were living together — he only guesses and Akihito gets tricked into revealing that they are living together.

I think all of his questions were test. Kuroda is loyal to Asami, and wants to know who he is assoicating with and who he might be living with.

On the surface the rumors about Akihito Takaba make him out to be nothing more than a boy toy. But imagine hearing those rumors is probably confusing to someone like Kuroda who knows Asami very well. And knows how closed off Asami actually is, and how he doesn’t usually let people inside his life. Kuroda also knows about what happened in Hong Kong and he knows that Asami isn’t someone who would be rushing off to Hong Kong for just anybody— So he somewhat knows that Akihito is somebody to Asami.

That question he asks - “How much are you a night?” It was so bold and kinda crude! But he isnt looking for a real answer to that— he is only looking to see Akihito’s reaction! Is he going to get indignant? Is he gonna blow a fuse? Kuroda basically calls him a whore, and he wants to see how Akihito will react to that!

Well Aki being Aki just goes into completely shock and can’t respond properly at all. He goes bright red! Which I think is meant to tell Kuroda that aki is a total innocent— and that he is in fact not just Asami’s boy toy nor is he a whore.

That “answer” Kuroda recieves— It’s hard to know how he feels about it. But there is a small scene after he leaves that I think maybe says he’s a tiny bit jealous… When he turns away to leave he leaves behind a rolled up magaize. Which Akihito picks up and sees that Kuroda squeezed it so hard that he left finger marks. Which must have been made in the moment Akihito “answered”

I can kinda interpret that as being a little jealous, but maybe it is simply because he wants to hold the special title of being the “closest” to Asami — but that title is now being taken over by Akihito. I feel he holds no ill will against Akihito — he is not the same as Sudo in this situation. I think he is just confused by Asami’s reasoning for keeping Akihito around.

Because in his mind Asami doesn’t associate with people who don’t have “uses”. Kuroda is still useful to Asami because of his job and how he cleans up after Asami or gives him information. In a way, even though Kuroda is Asami’s friend their relationship is still somewhat transactional. He still recieves favors and gifts for helping Asami. This is his way of staying in Asami’s life is by proving his worth and his useful-ness. But in his mind Kuroda doesn’t understand what “use” Akihito has in Asami’s life.

Later when Kuroda meets Asami at his apartment, he is still making snide comments about Akihito. Calling him a “problem child” and other kinda of back handed things. He makes another snide remark to Akihito as he is leaving the apartment - “Iv already had my fill” which sounds very jealous too me! and almost like he is trying to gode Akihito into thinking Asami and him have a special relationship.

But Kuroda i think maybe warms up to him a bit, when he sees Akihito in action and sees he’s clever. He even outright explains to Akihito that he doesnt want people with “half-assed feeling” to get close to Asami. Meaning his entire behavior towards Akihito, is just his way of protecting Asami from people who might want to use him, and he maybe once considered Akihito to be that kind of person.

But I do think he realizes that Akihito is important to Asami. Kuroda is definitely the person who told Asami that Akihito was taken by Sudo, after Akihito was drugged in that underground brothel. Which is why Asami shows up at the right moment to shot at Aaron when he’s shotting at Suod, and Kuroda in the ware house. Kuroda is also the one that acted to find Akihito right away, and is the reason the police raid that warehouse and arrested Sudo.

I made another post awhile ago about that scene when Sudo gets shot, and how I think Kuroda came running to Akihito and took a bullet meant for him (x) Even though all his earlier bluster and treating akihito like a bratty kid. Even if he doesn’t particularly like it — he understand that Asami treats Akihito differently. And so Akihito is very important to Asami and that if Akihito gets hurt or killed — it would hurt Asami. In that moment I do think Kuroda showed he was very selfless when it comes to Asami, even if he found Akihito to be annoying or he doesnt really understand their relationship — he still wants Asami to be happy. And if this dumby bratty kid is the thing that Asami seems to find annoyingly important and is constantly protecting, then thats enough reason for Kuroda to also want to protect Akihito as well.

#finder no hyouteki #asami ryuichi #you're my loveprize in viewfinder #finder metas #Kuroda

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yourmomni · 1 year

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RIVALS -Chapter 2

I rolled over in my bed and grabbed my phone trying to look at the time. i gasped " SHIT GUYS GET UP WERE LATE" i screamed. Minyoung fell out of bed groaning while everyone else popped up. "IT 5AM WE HAVE AN HOUR BEFORE TAKE OFF." we all rushed out of bed tripping over minyoung and eachother trying to make it to the bathroom to get ready. "Where's my neck pillow." areum yelled from the living room. "I cant find my other croc, Minyoung did you wear my shoes again." i screamed. "omg i cant believe we slept through 7 alarms whats wrong with us."

A flashback played in my mind from last night. we were all up sitting in circle with a jeju island plampet out circiling all the activities we wanted to do. "oh lets go for a hike, i heard the sun rise from mount hallasan is beautiful." jiwoo cirlced the trail on the pamplet, i shrugged drink what was left in my soda can. "sure i gues. ohhh what if we go to a museum?" i asked pointing at a picture of a big brown building. Minyoung gagged. "ew learning on a trip i dont think so if i wanted to learn i would of went to school." i smacked her with a pillow. " the museum sounds fine y/n, i was thinking we could maybe go fruit picking, my uncle has a farm down there and i know he would love some help on it it'll be fun." Areum scoffed "yeah no me and dirt dont mix but ill wave from the patio." we laughed. I got up and walked to the kitchen throwing away my can

then sun went down hours ago but it was still hot and humid outside. Spring was just around the corner and it was already feeling like summer. i glanced at the memeber seeing them joking and laughing at eachothers ideas. It brought me back to when i first moved to korean in 2018 not knowing anyone and being to scared to talk, until i met them.

I just joined our company and was staying in the company dorms in a room with 7 other girls. They we loud and annoying and were always leaving me to clean up their mess.I was to shy to tell them off, thinking that if i did it enought maybe one day they would just leave me alone. On the day before evaluations and dorm checks I only cleaned up my side of the dorm leaving theirs the way it was. When the inspecter came by and graded us he yelled at them for having such a messy arean and praised me for being so organized. After the evaluation the girls yelled at me for "making them look bad" and not cleaning thier side. " I bet you did that on purpose you want me to leave your so selfish." she threw he towel at my face. My dads words repeating in my head over and over "Never let them get a reaction out of you." i stared down at the towel that ws thrown at me and picked itup putting it in the dirty hamper. " Hello are you deaf im fucking talking to you." i jumped at her words. " its not my fault you didnt clean up your mess im not your maid." i said gritting my teeth, trying hard not to sound how i felt.small. she scoffed at my answer. " in korean culture the youngest always cleans up after the older memebers thats just how it is." she grabbed the clothes and empty noddle containers and placed it on my bed. My eyes widend. "now clean." My hands began shaking and my heart was racing. Confrontations were never my strong suit. everyone was now standing around us watching the argument go down. I slowly walked to my bed and began taking everything off of it. She started laughing and so did a couple of other girls. A tear slipped from my eyes and quickly whipped it away. When i reacher for a noddle container someone grabbed my wrist.

"what the hell is going on here."

I looked up at the voice and a girl with long wavy brown hair and basketball shorts was standing infront of me blocking my veiw.

"nothing nani were just teaching the new girl some korean costums." i bit my lip looking down and contiued taking everythign off my bed and into the trash. She turned towards me again and grabbed my hand locking them into hers. "clean up your own mess sejin this isnt the villa." my eyes widded as long as ive been here ive never heard anyone stand up to Sejin. "Shes not your maid and she sure as hell isnt going to keep cleaning up after you and your rat tails." the girls beside sejin gasped holding their ponytails. She swipped all of sejins stuff of my bed and began throwing her clothes out the window. Sejin screamed grabbing Lanani's arms. i grabbed nani an tried to pull her off of sejin

I smirked at the memory. Remembering how i made my first friend during my trainee days after Nani, jennifer came to our company,then kazumi and so on. Minyoung was the last to join us as we became one group. Looking out for eachother and taking care of one another. Building up eachothers confidence. We we basically a family.

I was brought back to reality when i saw minyoung drifting off to sleep leaning on the couch grasping her her phone in one had and a fry in the other. I smiled "Okay lets wrap thing up its almost 2am and we have a flight to catch in 4 hours lets all get some rest." Jenn said picking up the scattered soda cans and takeout boxes. "ok but lets all put a alarm on our phones so we wake up on time." kazumi added. we nodded and all pulled out our phones " with this amny alarms we cant be late to the flight hell we might even be early for a chance." Sena joked. we laughed and made our way to bed. Flashback to now we were running in the airport to our flight. "Guys i really have to pee." Minyoung whinned. we all yelled about how she could use it on the plane " Gate Number 5 For jeju will be closing in 5 minutes." the voice echoed on the intercom. "WERE NOT GONNA MAKE IT." Areum cried slowing down. I grabbed her hand and contiued to run "guys look i see 5." Nani screamed. we all zoomed to the gate making it just in time before the flight attendent closed the door. we presented our tickets to her and we walked to our seats.

I sat down in my seat and relaxed my body exhaling out of my mouth recling the seat back. "first class is the best class." Areum slumped beside me pulling down her privacy window putting her eye mask on i nodded. "tell me about it." The next hour went by really fast only allowing me to get only 20 minutes of sleep. We landed and i was the first one off than plan, i was too excited for our day of fun to start that i totally forgot about my friends. "Y/N slow down girl were gonnaa be here for a month your not going to miss anything." sena said counting us one by one making sure she didnt forget one of us. " we cant have a repeat of last year in italy."

Minyoung frowned. "i swear that lady looked just like kazumi how was i supposeto know she wasnt, and you guys eventually found me." Nani scoffed. "um yeah like 4 hours later." we grabbed our bags at baggage claim and mde our way out of the airport. A sign that had our groups name on it was being held up by a small man waving it aroud frantically. "halabeoji" areum squeaked running to the guy who i now recongnized as areums grandpa. "hi my love, welcome to jeju hopefully the flight was comfortable." she kissed his cheek and moved out of the way so we could talk to him

"Oh my girls you've aall gotten so big." we smiled and hugged him. "halabeoji its been so long." i said smiling at him "i almost couldnt recognize you, you look so much smaller." he blushed. "aw you girls make me feel young everytime i see you." he helped load our luguage into the trunk of the car and we were on our way to the house. "you girls are gonna love the house, when areum was young she would spent hours in the play room. Oh i also stocked up the fridge for you girls so dont worry about any shopping." we all thanked him.

we made it to the house and un loaded te car. "wow this house is beautiful." I said looking at the beautiful lake house in front of me. " Y/n omg they have jet ski's" minyoung squealed from the side of the house. She appeared smiling now running all the way to the back. " They have a speed boat." She screamed. I smiled and helped carry the rest of the bags in the house.

Areums grandpa bid us Fairweather immediately after saying he had a business call to take and he'll be back at the end of the week. We waved bye to him and went to see our rooms.

"OK guys welcome to the Parks summer home in jeju." Areum announced making us laugh. "So there are only 6 bedrooms-" "SIX" We said collectively. "Yes six and 4 bathrooms, we also have a game room, indoor pool, movie room, and a upstairs balcony. So please enjoy your time here and remember your break you buy." We laughed at her finishing sentence and clapped.

"OK so who's sharing a room?" Kazumi asked already heading to a room. We looked at eachother and ran upstairs to the rooms. I ran for the first door but sena beat me to it closing the door yelling a sorry after. Areum was fighting minyoung over a room saying it's always been hers. I ran for the 3rd door throwing my stuff in and closing it resting my back on it signing in triumph. "Fancy seeing you here." My eyes shot open seeing jiwoo sitting on the bed smirking at me. "Shit." She laughed." Dont worry I bought face mask."

I shrugged and we opened the door to see the set up. Minyoung and kazumi were sharing a room while the others got their own.

I headed downbstairs to check our food choices and started pulling out some food to put on the grill." Um I don't see any ramen in here." Jiwoo was looking through the cupboards and drawers. "Damnit maybe we do have to go to the store." I closed the fridge putting everything I took out to the side so I can wash the meat. "NO we don't our neighbors are really n8ce maybe they have some extra ramen laying around I'll take minyoung and go ask." Areum slipped on her shoes. "Wow our Sophia is so amazing." We clapped and she blushed." OH stop it."

Areum and minyoung walked to the neighbors house that was just down the drive way. "So are you excited for everything." Areum asked minyoung. She nodded smiling " yeah I really need this break I'm super excited to go to the aquarium and to see all the museums hopefully this trip is going to be amazing." We walked up the neighbors drive way and areum stopped

"Well that's weird." She tilted her head. "When did they get a van. We lookedbat eachother and minyoung shrugged. " maybe they have company." We walked to the door and areum ringed the door bell. We waited then heard feet patrering ." Sunoo I got it." We looked at eachother. " Sunoo." She mouthed at areum. Their eyes were turning big. The door opened and Jay was standing there

Minyoung gasped he smirked. "OH hello ladies how may I help you." Behind him you could see the other boys throwing things. " Nevver mind have a good day." Areum grabbed my hand and we ran down the hill. " SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT."

#black reader #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #black reader x kpop #enhypen jake #black idol #enhypen x black reader #ocs #jungwoo #jakesim x black reader #sunoo fanfic #ehypen #enhypen jay #enhypen heeseung #sunghoon #idol au #woc

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shrug-em0ji · 1 year

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had not intended to readmorepost but this is long and rambly and has some sensitive stuff i think?

i mentioned to my coworkers the other day that my mom was a pathological liar (it was relevant, i promise) and neither of them dug for further details but i got caught in this loop of wanting to explain and justify it, probably because its a thing that i used to do a LOT and have only recently gotten better about. but i was thinking about like. why people lie. and my mom and i in particular. and about how when you are hurt profoundly, especially over a prolonged period of time, in ways that people cant see and often dont acknowledge as being worthy of consideration, it becomes really easy to just. fudge the details a little bit. add in an extra pinch of violence. make it sound just a little worse so that when people react their response is proportional to how you felt rather than to what happened.

i have a story that i have often used as an example of the things that happened a lot when i was growing up - i was supposed to be cleaning my room, but i was a kid, and i was bored and overwhelmed by the mess, so i sat down on the floor, on a pile of clothes, and spent 45 minutes daydreaming about my toys coming to life and helping me. when my dad came upstairs to check on me and saw that i hadnt cleaned at all, he got really angry and picked up a little armchair that i had in my room and threw it at my wall hard enough to leave a decently big hole.

for a long time, when i told this story, i said that he threw the chair at me and missed, that i didnt hear him come in, that i had been working and he just wasnt happy with how far id gotten. and i used to get really angry at myself for lying about it - obviously, if im lying to make it sound worse it must not have been that bad, im making a huge deal out of nothing, theres no reason for this to even be a thing that i tell anyone ever. but it was the opposite. i was on the floor, in the only place that i felt safe or like i had any modicum of control over, and someone who was supposed to care for me came in, towered over me, made me feel small and helpless, and then intentionally picked up a large heavy object and threw it across the room because he knew it would scare me. he wanted me to be very very aware at all times how big and strong and angry he was, and how helpless i was to stop him. "even in this safe quiet space that is yours i can break your stuff and hurt you, you are not really safe here at all, i am always in control"

but like!!! i was a kid!!! i didnt understand the concept of subtext! now, when i tell people that my dad threw stuff a lot when i was a kid, im usually talking to people who understand that throwing things is inherently threatening. it is a thing that abusive people do to scare you and let you know that they want to hurt you and they can hurt you if you make them. but when i was growing up this was very much not the case! if i told an adult my dad threw stuff their response would be "well you didnt get hurt so you're fine, nothing to complain about"

so i lied about it, because i was terrified of him and needed people to believe that he was terrifying.

i was reading a book recently - one of the big abuse books that everyone recommends, though i dont recall precisely which - and i got to a bit about incest and immediately felt so unbelievably guilty. i never accused anyone in my family of sexual abuse but i wanted to so badly, and i never understood why. i just felt like id been taken advantage of, like my body didnt belong to me, like i was tainted and ruined somehow, but no one had ever really done anything so i had no reason to feel that way.

and then i kept reading and the author specifically started drawing attention to specific behaviors - not illegal behaviors, not behaviors that get you barred from having custody of your kids, just... weird stuff. a parent drawing attention to their kids body, making sexual innuendos about them, commenting on their imagined sexual activity. stuff my dad did. "you'll probably be really good at sex someday, just make sure you dont end up a whore like your mom" "i miss when you were a little kid, now youre ready to start popping out babies" "people will say anything to make me look bad, i bet theyre spreading rumors about us sleeping together" "youre almost like a wife, theres just a few really important things you cant do"

it made me feel....... gross. and i didnt know why. i didnt understand it. i wanted very badly to not feel that way, but not as much as i wanted someone to understand that i felt that way.

i stopped showering regularly in middle school, when i moved back in with my dad, because i didnt want to be naked in the same house as him and my brothers (for related reasons) but i could never explain it to anyone. i spent a lot of time in the guidance counselors office being questioned about what the problem was and utterly unable to find the words, or really understand it myself. so it got chalked up to being lazy. and i just spent several years absolutely hating myself and not understanding why i felt the way that i did. i wanted to lie to explain it and could never quite get there. and then the other thing happened and gave me a plausible explanation so i ran with it, and have continued running with it for years now, despite the fact that the worst symptoms predate it by 3 years.

im not.... entirely certain why i wrote this out. i think its just been stuck in my head for a while now? and i wanted to say it. i wanted to be able to say "here is a real thing that happened to me and here is how i felt and feel about it and actually i dont care if you think my feelings arent proportional to the events, i need to be able to accept this as a thing that happened if im ever gonna get over it"

so fuck it.

#probably dont read this

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pikawarrior · 8 months

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Welp welcome back to my random rambles im just gonna talk bout alot of random stuff mainly my stories so here for go lets hope this is understandable

Story/maybe comic stuff

Turning of the orange | The Strawberry Patch - Old soon to be remade/written stop motion strawberry shortcake zombie movie me and my dad were making when i was in elementary schoolish. We unfortunately didnt make it that far since he had to leave often and for long times cuz work, but recently i found my old tablet with all the pics and my notes so rework time baby. Im about to use all my years of angst/horror writing to fuck these bitches up even more

The Butterfly Effect and It's Consequences | The Phoenix Effect -

The Butterfly Effect is my main rottmnt fanfic series. About my little rottmnt oc's (Ame) life and how the gang adopting them into the family changed everything mostly for the better but the bad things kinda got alot worse. Idk been focusing on the phoenix effect more

The Phoenix Effect is kinda an extension of that. Its basically the same thing but adds the cass apocalypse series into it. Basically how future Ame being there also changes things and how oopies mystics powers are hard to control after being half dead in stasis for about 12 years hope Ame does trys to leave to protect everyone from himself only to get kidnapped putting everyone in worse danger also oopies isnt that the super dangerous alien someone accidentally freed awhile ago

The Future Diary - So i watched The Hot Box's video on the anime future diary and well here we are

Another rottmnt oc thing. Ame obtains a diary from his future self being like "hey so the world is gonna end soon here's how i think you could possibly stop that. Pls dont do this all alone ur like 5" and ame decides to do it all by himself.

Got all eight chapters planned out already with two already at stage two (aka fully written out just needs to be edited and stuff). I just dont know how to use ao3 in this sense or how to tag stuff plus i got anxiety so its just sitting in my notes app

Video stuff cuz yes

Currently working on a few more special videos. On my channel ive technically reached 100 videos (i unlisted alot of old ones/never posted a bunch more so technically i reached that months ago but shhh let me have this) plus i got 135 subs now so celebrations are in order. Idk what to say bout this, am making a video using the ok ko ending song idk the name, one is a fake collab a friend made and another is an original meme a youtube mutual/friend by association made. Plus like so mant mini things for my ocs, Dimension and Watcher are gonna get so much development and cute couple moments.

Also everyone else is gonna go through so much trauma my gods its gonna amazing.

Also ive been trying to like voice things, audio quality sucks cuz im working off of my tablet but like ive voice a few of my own videos (only one posted) and like its so fun i wish i had proper stuff to do this so i can do it more

Other art stuff

I got a toyhou.se (its EnviousDeath), pls enjoy these characters and stuff

Im trying to make my art more mess and chaotic while staying clean? If that makes any sense. Still a lover of doing gacha stuff but am trying to branch out more.

Also btw how do people just idk do social stuff like trade characters, comment, and just aaaa idk what am doing i forgot how to do social stuff and also i never understood how to do this type without being awkward as hell

Character stuff

Watcher - *slaps religious trauma onto them* bitch gets sacrificed. Okay okay so Watcher, wasnt always Watcher. Before they used to be Ena a simple kid who was sent away for reasons i havent thought of yet to a church. Blah blah corruption, Watcher gets sacrificed for not falling in line blah blah they were saved and given a second chance.

Dimension - *slaps alot of anxiety and identity issues onto her* bitch got issues. Same as Watcher, Dimension wasnt always Dimension. Before she was Ellie a poor girl hated by her whole town because of the lies their mother spread about them and their father who had left years ago. She only had one friend, Watcher. Somehow they managed to make contact with each other despite being in different universes. Eventually Dimension snapped and went on a killing spree, slowly ripping apart her world in the process because this wasnt supposed to happen (think spiderverse canon events but different ill explain later) with her world crumbling around her, Dimension messages Ena one last time, not knowing Ena was already long gone, and accepts what they assume to be death only to fall into whats basically the anti void from utmv, gets corrupted and became a villain technically more of a multiversal criminal.

(For time and length reasons im cutting this segment short)

Multiverse stuff

OKAY TIME FOR WORLD BUILDING

How does what happened to Dimension's universe work? The way i explained it is like spiderverse canon events but different, but heres the details. Idk how to explain this but bare with me

Imagine each universe as a game in a folder on a computer. Each game has different code, story, art assets basically all are mostly different.

Most games are coded to have very specific story events and when something goes wrong everything breaks. Like take a spaghetti thing of code that shatters the moment you try to do something like trying to talk with an npc while having a status effect and thats how some of these worlds are like. And Dimension's was very much one of those worlds, and her breaking down like that shattered the code of their world and everything fell apart.

Im too tired to continue but my main multiverse is like one big computer own by a game creator who only sometimes knows how to make a stable game

Feel free to ask about any of what ive just ramblef about am always willing to ramble bout my stuff

#reaperspeaks

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blackvail22 · 8 months

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9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

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videostak · 11 months

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duuude my living situation sucks so much donkey dick it makes me wish i could like cry :’( srlsy just got cussed out by my dad for not doing things that are supposed to be other ppls chores. i wish i could pinpoint the point in my life where my family started seeing me as their personal maid to yell at whenever anythings a mess. i know it started with me doing the dishes (my family and mom specifcally had stated that we would all help with the dishes and then after like a week no one else helped and it all fell on me and since then theyve just stopped doing stuff that they used to help out w/ so now im like doing everything basically or at the leeast the one whos expected to keep things tidy) probably the closest ive ever been to ssaying fuck you to one of my family members let alone a living person at all. tho i thought things would be crazy dire when it reached the point of being chewed out for things that arent even my responsibility but in reality when i felt like saying it i realized like it would have no impact. like my dad said fucking 600 times while chewing me out and i was like didnt kno he reached that point where he just cusses his own family members out right out the gate. it was literally so insane hes insane and just has such a fkd idea of what like dumbass nuclear family bs. every1 else puts up with his shit and just avoids talking to him and i feel like im the only one who actually takes a stand for myself cause idk i feel like i dont have anything to lose. if he kicks me out ill live on the streets die on the streets idc like just so fucked living like this. every1 expects to clean up after them but if they catch me cleaning up after them thhey act like im babying them and not letting them be adults its so fkd like theres truly no way out the only way out is just like thru with blunt force i think. like im so sick of my dad theres so many times id put up with his bs and take his side on things but i rly do not wanna talk or even entertain the idea of talking to him to him. literally anytime any1 talks to him he just turns it into a 30 minute lecture and he acts so childish when things dont go his way. like when i got furniture for my room and he was annoyed cause i didnt ask him for furniture (wtf) and then once when i said i was looking for a round lil table and he takes me to the garage to show me a long rectangle table that doesnt even match the other furniture in my room and when i say its not what i was looking for he goes all silent and just guides me out lol. liek when i was a kid i thought it was so amazing that my mom and dad got married when they were p young (dont remember the ages exactly but im p sure my mom was 19 and my dad was idk how many years older he is but just like a few) but now like i see so clearly how totally much it stunted their growth. they both act like little kids and never listen or behave like adults can never take accountability or give actual apologies like def made me realize u should wait as long as possible to get married. i guess its good they got married or atleast had sex since it means i got to be born (yay) but everything else abt it is a real bad deal. rly dont see myself being able to move out anytime soon but ill honestly just keep at the work and save up money and like some day go back to college and hopefully make connections to finda roommate or smthn.

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manifesting-mari · 1 year

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im feeling so much anxiety. i’m not sure if its anxiety or just feeling activated. if i’m just feeling good. i definitely have anxiety over my money stuff that im mostly feeling numb about. can you be anxious without feeling it? i can feel it like a slight buzzing in a far off corner, but its mostly numb. i definitely am being called to do more work in this area of my life, especially around money. i think i’m good at receiving money, but im not good at holding on to it. maybe love is the same. im good at giving and receiving. but the feeling of having is freaking me out. yeah. the having. I read this in EK about the havingness level. i can feel how anxious i am knowing that i have at least $500 in my checking and $1000 in my savings. that makes me anxious. i can feel the tightness in my chest when i think about me and jordan’s relationship basically just staying the way it is. i feel like i’m a mess. i feel like i’m this messy person that doesnt deserve things. thats the havingness level. i feel like i’m not supposed to have. thats the codependency. im not supposed to have so i find people who have what i feel like im not allowed to and i feed off of them and become an energy vampire. i dont wanna do that. not anymore. i saw what that did to other people i was around and either i left them or they left me. im ok with being messy. and i take responsibility for my mess. i dont expect anyone else to come and help me clean things up, but people do, just as i facilitate for others, others are there to help me. I am grateful for the people in my life who still give to me unconditionally even though I have trouble receiving. This is the next level of expansion for me. facing these shadows. the parts of me that still feel shame and guilt around receiving. It is safe to receive. it is safe to have. it is safe to have more money than i need for survival. it is safe for me hold on to money and not give it away so quickly. it is safe for money to be with me. it is safe for me to have a long-term relationship based on mutual values and trust. it is safe for me to allow someone to care for me. it is safe for me to accept love, attention, and presence from another person. it is safe for me to create healthy, long lasting relationships. it is safe for me to make mistakes, learn, and grow in relationships. it is safe for me to be honest with my partner. i feel like the way i treat money is the way i treat a significant other. i want it really bad and i think itll make my life better and make me more happy, and it does, but then for some reason i give or push it away. i look for a reason for the money or the person not to stay with me and i challenge its presence in my life. why do i have to question why something good is happening to me? i dont trust the good. its ok for me to trust the good. it brings me back to the ballet story. when my classes were no longer available to me, i felt that thing i love be taken away. and that kept happening with things in my life that i really wanted. i got the thing, but then i subconsciously pushed it away. because i didnt think i deserved to have. i dont think i deserve to have an abundance of money, or an abundance of love. i love havign abundance and its ok for me to live that life. having wealth does not make me a bad person. having money does not make me a bad person. I can be safe having someone love and care for me unconditionally. i am allowed to have all the great things i want in this life. i am allowed to have a job that brings me wealth, joy, flexibility, and comfort. I am allowed to have a loving, committed relationship. it is safe for me to be in a relationship. it is safe for me to have money. I am safe. i can feel the ways where having money made me feel unsafe. where my mom would make me feel like i couldnt trust myself with money. where my dad always said not to have too much or people would take it away from you. no one is taking anything away from me. NO ONE IS TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM ME. not even myself. i’m no longer denying myself the things i want in this world. i am no longer feeding into the cycles that keep me from the life that i want. I choose to embody the habits of the life i know is attainable and possible. I am clearing out the truths that used to live inside me and replacing them with new truths that are leading me and my family toward bigger and better choices. In the Neville Goddard book they were talking about destiny. how destiny always changes. one destiny only exists so it can lead you to another. i feel like right now my destiny is to transcend these patterns of our oppression and bring about the love and compassion that my ancestors dreamed of. I am not my ancestors. i am not the oppressed, and my heart breaks for those who are still being pushed down by the systems that we all stay blind or helpless to. I choose to be different to try to do something different to bring more love and compassion to people who have been oppressed, so that future generation dont know the oppression i know. I thank my ancestors who i see and feel. who i know worked so hard and struggled and fought and grew in their own way so i may know a different kind of work. so i may know a life that is greater than survival. so that i may know a life where our bloodline can thrive. I want my daughters to have the heart to understand their ancestry, and have the vision to know even greater things than i may ever imagine, i know my father is proud. i know hes grateful for the work i’ve been doing. I am healing my blood line. i am building a life greater than my ancestors could have ever dreamed. i am building a life that my children will know as normal.

it is normal to receive love and abundance from others.

it is safe to receive money and abundance from others.

it is normal to feel your feelings.

it is safe to feel your feelings.

it is normal to have more than you need for survival.

it is safe to have more than you need for survival.

it is normal to have healthy relationships.

it is safe to have healthy relationships.

it is normal to speak your truth.

it is safe to speak your truth.

it is normal to love others.

it is safe to love others.

it is normal to grieve.

it is safe to grieve.

it is normal to receive.

it is safe to receive.

it is normal to relax and rest.

it is safe to relax and rest.

I can feel that part of me that is resisting these new truths. that loves the pain and the struggle. that is so activated and turned on by not having and not receiving without conditions.she really is a kinky bitch. im grateful to be doing this work. im grateful to be aware of whats going on and have a larger perspective. this is gonna be fun.

#shadow work #shadowself #existential kink

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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hello! a long while back I sent in an ask about my brother being abusive and that the situation was being handled and thoughg I'd update and vent:

tw for drugs, abuse, verbal abuse, suicide, ed

I didnt speak to him for four months because I was honestly just over it. Over him and his excuses and I mean there was no hate there I just was done. Then he randomly got so drunk he got alcohol poisoning and my mom kind of went "he loves you so much it breaks my heart you guys arent talking". And I'll admit I let it get to me but at the same time he put himself in that position with me. I have a right to set my boundaries.

Anyway over last month we made up and have been talking again but after he again got really nasty with me we actually sat down and talked about it. I told him hey when you speak to me like that, it makes me feel like utter shit. For a long time it really messed me up and I'm pretty disappointed that after four months of not talking to you because you treated me like that, that you go and do the same thing just when we were getting to be normal again.

He apologized and was pretty hard on himself; he admitted that hes just so angry all the time and he hates himself - that after the first fight which led us to not talk that he fucked his arm up as punishment. Just listed all the negatives and horrible things about himself and his situation etc. And while I do have empathy for him, I just told him that it's his responsibility to work on his behavior and mental health. He didn't ask to get fucked for life but it's his responsibility and just because he's going through something it doesn't mean he can treat me badly. I went into slight detail about how throughout this year I've tried to kill myself three times, relapsed in my ED, have relived traumatic events, etc. But through all that I was kind albeit stressed with my younger siblings.

I know he isn't me and that I can't compare but I said it as a way to say "I see you and understand but you've gotta step up man" because for years it's been shit plus shit and more shit. I said maybe he'd benefit from talking to someone- he has the money to afford the sessions and the time so he shoukd think about it. And he said he will.

Come three weeks later he's still getting high off his ass, drinking, and even though hes really skinny already he bought diet pills. He's been an addict in the past with drugs and I'm kind of ticked that my parents aren't seeing it. Literally he got home with the pills and my dad says "Mijo, you gotta be careful with those things. Have you seen yourself in pictures? Maybe you should" and I know that's meant to be like "dude you're skinny already" but this needs more than a 'be careful' because last time that happened it was me who cleaned up his cuts and had to see him be sent off to the psych ward. Not only that but his behavior triggers me constantly and I'm now starting to detach from him. Its not like we talked much before anyway but I mean now with the diet pills and everything I just can't be around him.

I love him but I just, I dont care anymore. In the past I use to be angry; when he went to the psych ward my family was all over it - my grandparents would have him over and drove him around and talk with him, my dad started researching about OCD and Depression to be able to help him, my mom was there everytime he had a panic attack at night and let him sleep in their bed, and he was receiving real treatment by a therapist and psychiatrist.

But still he just seemed unappreciative of it, he couldn't not see past how shitty his life/he was and I get it you know I'm not saying "grow up you're sucha whiner" but, I dont know.

And after seeing him be so cared for and getting help I decided to tell my parents I think I have depression and, nothing ever came of that. They said "okay", gave me a hug, and that was it. There was no research for me, no time with grandma and grandpa, no therapist. Him and I are only a year apart. It took me two years to go to a therapist myself and realize "hey um you're a little more than depressed" and still, my family doesn't cater to it. It's all him.

Your brother cant sleep through the night? Okay let's remove his door (which is the only thing separating our rooms).

Your brother is having trouble with addiction? Okay let's do mom and dad dates with him and make sure he's catered to.

Your brother is too depressed to get up? Okay you're gonna cover his chores on top of yours from now on.

Your brother is bringing diet pills into the house even though it's very obvious you struggle with eating/have been the same weight since middle school? Just give him a slap on the wrist and let it go.

Hi anon,

Unfortunately it can be challenging for many people to choose to seek help. It's often easier to fall back on unhealthy coping mechanisms than actively work towards self-improvement. It's easy to say you'll commit to therapy and simply not follow through. It's ultimately up to your brother to choose recovery when he's ready, even if everyone around him is impatient. He cannot be forced to do work he isn't prepared for yet, you know?

That being said, just because your brother is going through a lot and potentially numbing you and your family, you still deserve the care you need. It may help to ask for specific accommodations such as therapy or whatever else you may need. You do not deserve to feel invisible in this chaos, especially with issues that have been persistent even before your brother's.

You deserve to take up space, and you deserve to be heard.

I hope you're doing alright. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #abuse #emotional abuse #tw sui #tw sh

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gakomondad · 2 years

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Day 17 - Poison

Day was good

Was tired but was good

Water dropplets stopped drying in the bathroom in the last couple of weeks, or I guess are super slow to dry

So mold has started accumilating super fast in all kinds of places likely due to faulty fan venting and it getting colder even tho it wasn't really a problem before

My dad and I investigated and are gonna fix it plus do a general bathroom resetup, but the resetup in the future, that won't be cheap but would be cool

All so its easier in general since its weirdly setup rn

I read that even if not visable mold should be destroyed cause if you let it live just a teeny bit, mofo will spread out in a humid environment and I think that's how it appeared so quick

So I got this super strong spray thing

Got goggles on and sprayed with a closed door EVERY LITTLE CORNER of the bathroom, no matter clean, modly, dirty, shiny... okay I avoided metal parts cause idk what it would do to them, I messed up stuff in the past and it took a while to fix the metal parts, so I avoid unless its a chem for metal

Goggles were good, but after I left it rest and got inside to water it down

Shit got in the air hardcore and I didnt get out until I finished

I usually don't do stuff like that, wait I do usually do stupid things even if dangerous... thats how I hurt my leg 😩

I always clean stuff with heavy chemicals just not like that and not for so long

I have this lighter spray that i've spot used and have done so occasionally and that wasn't a problem before so maybe this was excessive... maybe venting also helped a lot in the past... ANYWHO So now whole appartment is kinda not okay lmao

My dad has asthma and dude wanted to get some measurements for the ceiling, another day old man haha, had to push him away I cleaned myself up, that was fun, I have accumilated so many different chemicals for all kinds of cleaning that are SUPER hard, I like going for industrial grade stuff with as much WARNING labels on it so I know it works no matter how expensive it is 😩

My mom always asks me where I've bought stuff from haha

Was an overall good day, eyes sting a bit but I've cleaned them well, they will be fine There are some electrical rewiring my dad and I gotta do in the living room, that would be fun but also not sure how much time it needs since I get off of work fairly late these days

Will see

Hope baby is okay (:

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jxpcloud · 2 years

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sad nerd that complains alot (manuscript)

(main cam-right infront of me) i didnt think i had a future

(far off) that was sad and we arent even five seconds in

(main cam) okay yeah fair

( far off) make a joke

(main cam) *dramatic silence* your mum...im so sorry

i wont lie i am no where near whatever a complete life is and feeling completely satisfied with myself i dont even know who i am and what im living for and yet i am dawned with the fact i need to live and become something. okay so thats bullshit right? im seventeen and any adult will completely dismiss my feelings for i am just a child. and i am, im scared to talk to srangers and get anxiety cross the road. i still hold my dads hand

(far off) thats because you have issues

(main cam) the point is im a child and a "mid life crisis" is something i have been told im no where near. but im also forced to get a job and drive a car and i have to actually think about my future. by the way 17yo should not be on the road most dont know the difference between their, there and theyre and barely look whie crossing the road and youre trusting your life with them? no thanks thats too much for me. so what am i feeing? well just the exerstential dread that my life wont amount to anything and everything i do is completely useless. im not insainly good at anything nor a child prodagy and i need medication in order to function cause this happens when i dont

(imput me chopping off my hair)

(far off) that was dumb

(main cam) im just trying to do something creative while i feel like my world crumples around me and channel something interesting....maybe

a guide to being happy from a sad nerd that complains alot

firstly take your meds

(far off) you are a mess without them

(main cam) like the true incel i am i dont know what true happiness is, i get that seritonin from seeing cute cats online or post nut i dont really feel happy ever *long puse* christ that was dark. anyway wiki how is a great place it comes with pictures *moan*

creating a positive mindset

*while i talk create a comfy bed setting* view your mind like a home, not so much as a mind palace like the hippy dippy inspirational people say but like a cozy atmosphere. youd want it to be comfy and happy filled with cuddly soft teddies and fair lights and its fragil. then a boldozer kinda just kills it and thats every negative self talk "im ugly, im gross, they hate me, im never going to do anything in my life, i am the worst" you spent so much time building your little home for yourself to ruin it. you can re-build. what i was told when i was younger was that those sort of things make you stronger, like when you were too little to be mean or hurt yourself but others did, they were the ones ruining your little home, maybe it did make you stronger, maybe you were able to re-build better than before. but maybe you didnt want to, you didnt care and now that your older you still dont care and your the one hurting yourself. i think it takes alot to truly admit you are the cause of your own sadness. be nice to yourself, you woke up, its enough.

(far off) that was sappy

(main cam) its weirdly important, and once you maybe clean up your cozy mind palace youll clean your physical space *rips blankets to reveal cups and plates* it was a mistake getting a bigger bed i can just hide things now

(far off) you are disgusting

(main cam) no i am healing *please dont do this purposely there is a weird smell*

being your best self

(main cam) what the ever loving fuck does that mean. my best self? the best self my friends want? the facade i put on at family gatherings? or truly accepting myself for who i am

(far off) obviously that one

(main cam) listen, not to get too trauma dumpy, i dont know who i am. this has been the stuggle for a while. what makes me me? how am i a person? how do i have thoughts and feelings as a clump of cells aimlessly floating around and drinking an unhealthy amount of caffeen alright what is that. sometimes it scares me that i am infact a human with thoughts and feelings cause i spend so much time pusinging them away that when my own cat decided to cuddle with me the overwheling amount of feelings is not normal. im the one you chose? you want to be with me? my presence makes you happy? this is safe to assume it doesnt just go for my cat but here we are. anyway, what makes me me, in order to accept it, i need to understand it. to put it simply, im not a girl, big shock, im also gay, bigger shock. men MMMMM but when im a man MMMM the gender euphoria chef kiss man muwah that shit good. what else is there? our society is so obsessed with sex and gender and dont get me wrong im proud to be surrounded by queer activists cause its important but who am i? who are you? who is anyone but npcs just kinda existing in my fabricated world ive cuccooned myself in.....but i have a cool ass sword so am i better than you?yes unless you have two cool ass swords

(far off) you scumbag

(main cam) im not here to tell you who you are or what you like. you may not even know it but deep down you get excited by bubbles, or that game youre weirdly obsessed with or maybe you have an actual hobby that makes you go outside, nether the less its there, obvious or not you are a person on this earth and you will enjoy something even if its my little pony porn i dont know but you like something. and to be your best self just chill and do more of what you like cause honestly if you dont like it its not worth it, life is too short. dont make it shorter, learn from someone who tired...i havent found happiness yet but i deserve to take up space and use it however i want, im living out of spite for the moment, whatever works

live your truth

socail media is a great place, but it influences how you feel, after touturing myself online for years i have finally accepted this. it is self destructive behavour to look at things online and be sad. does this mean im going to quit the internet and live my truth in a little forest and be the goblin boy ive always dreamed of no i like it too much and honestly my sensory issues could not with dirt, i need a weighted blanket to sleep i am quite needy. but living my truth means social media breaks arent jsut things for children. and maybe going to sleep at a normal hour and stop playing so much video games and go outside but one step at a time. i want to truly make myself feel happy and doing the mundane tasks that come with that which i do often neglect. due to poor mental helth, wich circles back to having poor higene and makes me feel crappy and its an endless loop really. but whats important is that you woke up today and really thats what matters

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sadlysoulx · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu characters thinking you want to break up with them

part 1 (Atsumu& Sakusa)

Heyyyoo~ I'm sorry I haven't post in a while school's bad and it managed to get into my nerves without me going to the place itself plus i have now wifi so I have to connect to my dad's data☹️ Thanks for 33 followers😭💖!! Especially to my friend Mocha berry who supported me :)

Would be doing Tsukishima and Ushijima in part 2 ;)

⚠️Warning⚠️: swearing, not proofread

ATSUMU

"I really have enough!" Atsumu banged his fist down the table, making you flinch and take a step backwards.

"You are so fucking dramatic," he pointed at your shivering figure.

"I'm dramatic?" You asked hysterically. "I'm the ones who's dramatic?" You asked again, glaring back at Atsumu. "Open your eyes, 'tsumu! You're the one who made this into a bigger issue!"

"Me?!" Atsumu screamed back, finally making your tears fall down. "Y/N! If you weren't do clingy, this wouldn't happen!"

"Its not my fault that my boyfriend doesn't have time for me!" You fisted your hands.

"And this is fucking why I regretted to ask you to be my s/o!"

You stopped. Brain stopped functioning as you slowly let his words sink in, and to your despair, he didnt stop there.

"If you weren't my s/o, I would have a free life without you whining around like a kid," Atsumu was still shaking from anger.

"I would have the best life without you," he muttered.

More tears flowed down on your face.

"Fine!" You walked out the kitchen and into your shared bedroom, making sure you bang the door open.

You grabbed your bag and began stuffing down your clothes.

You heard loud and fast footsteps and in the corner of your eye, you saw Atsumu standing and peeking in the door, regret filled his eyes.

"Y/N—"

"If your not contented with me," you began as you take another bag and filled it with toiletries. "Then find another s/o, I wouldn't mind,"

You swung your bag over your shoulder and quickly breezed past him out the door.

"Y-Y/N!"

Tears prick your eye since again as you quickly fumbled with your house keys and shakily tried to shove the the keys into the keyhole.

Atsumu grabbed your arm, trying to pull you to his chest.

"Y/N! Babe—"

"Don't fucking call me Babe!" You turned to him, new fresh batch of angry tears flowing down your cheeks. "Save that for your new s/o!"

You could see Atsumu's eyes turn glassy, his bottom lip trembling.

You successfully unlock the main door and you walked out of your apartment, striding down the hallway and waiting for the elevator.

Atsumu quickly followed you to turn annoyance, sniffles escaping his trembling lips constantly.

You hated seeing him hurt, especially if your the one who cause it. Imagining him with another person left a sour taste in your mouth.

But now that Atsumu said that he wished he wasn't your s/o, you knew that it wouldn't be long for him to find a new someone— if ever the both of you really make things over.

You distracted yourself by looking up the escalating red digital numbers that was labeled up the elevator doors.

In the corner of your eye, you see Atsumu opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't. His hands hesitantly trying to reach out for you, his head hung low, tears dripping out of his red eyes pitifully.

The elevator doors finally opened and that's when Atsumu find his courage to talk to you.

"Y-you're really gonna leave me, aren't you?" He whispered softly, only loud enough for you to hear.

You stopped your attempt to walk in the elevator and stare aimlessly somewhere.

His sniffles and hiccups were getting worst. He was obviously trying to stop himself for crying.

You watch as the elevator doors close infront of you.

Turning to him, you saw his huge mascular figure shaking violently and his head still hung low.

"You are, aren't you?" He asked shakily again.

You dropped your bags and threw yourself to him, hugging him tightly.

He finally broke down, loud sobs echoing the empty hallway and hugging you back tightly.

"I'm never gonna leave you, 'Tsumu," You sobbed into his chest. "Never. . . I can't do that, I love you so much,"

"I'm so sorry, baby. . ." Atsumu sobbed into your hair. "Shit. . . I'm so sorry. . . I- I didn't mean what I said, I would never replace you– Fuck! Please forgive me baby. . ."

You let out a watery sob.

"H-hey, it's fine 'Tsumu." You looked up at his slightly swollen and wet but dreamy eyes. "I'm sorry for being dramatic," you giggled slightly.

He wiped your tears.

"It's fine baby," He smiled at you through his teary eyes, pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead. "I love you. . ."

"I love you more,"

He smiled, his eyes suddenly lighten up more.

"Hey, I found a really good movie in Netflix! It's a horror movie, let's watch it together!" He smiled down at you, gripping your hands.

"Okay! Let's watch it tonight!" you smiled up at him.

He smiled wider and cupped your cheeks, leaning down to kiss you.

Sakusa

Sakusa groaned. He stood up straight and made the mop lean towards the wall.

He scanned the living room all sparkling clean. Walking towards the couch, he plopped himself down, sighing in relief.

Sakusa having a bad day is an understatement.

The weather is bad, rainy and muddy outside, making their volleyball practice get cancelled for their own safety. Just today, when he woke up, he found that you weren't around. Sakusa had no idea where you went and it angers him that you didn't let him know. He waited for you and he spent his time cleaning the house and yet it has been an hour since you left.

And he hadn't have his breakfast and it made him more grumpier and more icy than ever.

Sakusa stood up and was about to go to the kitchen to eat on his own when the door opened, revealing you in muddy clothes.

"Hi babe!" You softly chuckled before breaking out in to a harsh and loud cough.

Sakusa flinched at that.

He observed you as you drop the plastic bags filled with what he assumed groceries.

He watched as you slowly walk into the living room, leaving a disgusting trail of wet puddles and mud.

Sakusa clicked his tounge.

"Y/N!" He frowned as you stopped in the middle of the living room, looking up at him. "I just mopped up the floor!"

"Oh, I'm sorry—"

"Save it Y/N. . ." He clicked his tongue in annoyance once more, picking up the mop again. You knew he was mad, and you tried not to worsen the mood more. "Look what you did!"

"Babe. . . I'm really—"

"I said save it!" He raised his voice higher making you shut up. "Where are you from?"

"I went to the grocery—"

"We still had a lot of food!" Sakusa pointed the way to the kitchen, eyebrows deeply furrowed.

"No, there isn't—"

"Shut up okay?!" Sakusa banged the mop on the floor harshly, you flinched. Tears threatened you.

He wasn't always like this and if he ever is, it wouldn't be a pleasant sight.

Sakusa run his hands through hair, tugging it stressfully.

"Go to the bathroom and clean yourself!"

You slowly slumped across the living room in the way to the bath.

"If you want to be part of this household, then make yourself useful. . ."

You turned around just as he finished whispering those words.

"What?"

Sakusa turned to you.

"I said 'If you—'"

You laughed, humorlessly.

"So you're saying I'm not useful?" You voice cracked with sadness.

Sakusa only stared at you with his stoic expression.

"That I'm worthless?" You pointed to yourself.

Sakusa frowned. "I didn't say that—"

"But you're making it sound like that!" You raised your voice, running your hands through your damp hair angrily and in stress.

"You're the one who's making it mean like that!" Sakusa exclaimed, slightly shaking from anger.

"I am your fucking s/o! And you have the audacity to insult me!"

Both of you argued on and on, the clock ticking away, voices getting louder than the last. You don't know when would this end and how.

Both of you were stubborn, both doesn't want to lose from the other.

Until, Sakusa had enough. He swiped the things away from the coffee table, making the fragile things on it shatter loudly, triggering the tears that sat on the edge of your eyes and fall down your cheeks.

"Would you shut it?!" Sakusa's cheeks glowed red.

"You're not telling me what to do!" You shouted back.

"You are so fucking stubborn!" His voice trembled. "You know what? I regretted to be with you!" He screamed shakily, pointing at your smaller figure.

Tears flowed down your cheeks more. You stepped up to him, you didn't care if you're still damp with rain.

"And you know what? I did too," you spat the words with venom and you saw Sakusa softened, guilt immediately swan in his eyes.

You immediately walked to the main door and Sakusa immediately followed, trying to string his sentence but it all ended up with a stutter mess.

"Y/N!" He called as you banged the main door close, you walked out the glass doors and you were immediately met with heavy rain pouring down your back harshly.

You didn't know where to go and you panicked when you hear Sakusa running to you from behind.

"Y/N!"

You tried to run away but he gripped your wrist, making you turn to him.

"Y/N. . . Please. . . please. . ." He grabbed your hands and clasped his huge hands around yours, looking at you with pleading eyes. "I didn't mean—"

You sobbed.

"Maybe it's better if you find someone new. . ." You tried to pry your hands away from his, in which you successfully did due to him staring at you in shock.

"What? No! I won't replace you!" He shook his head, making his now curly hair sway along with him.

He paused, guilt swimming at the pit of his stomach and his lungs, making it hard to think and breath.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

You looked up at him and you immediately spoke.

"I—"

"No,no,no,no," he chanted, tears swelling his own eyes. He held your hand as he let out a sob that he tried to keep in.

He knelt down still clasping your hands, looking up at you. Sakusa broke down, sniffles, hiccups and sobs escaping his trembling lips.

"No,no,no, please don't break up with me," he cried.

You cried with him as you knelt down beside your lovely boyfriend.

"Please don't, Y/N. . . I- I can do anything! Just forgive and stay with me—"

You peck his lips, making him shut up.

"I won't break up with you, silly boy," you went to his chest as he hugged you right, both of you crying hard and not really caring of you're out in the rain.

"I'm sorry," you sobbed.

"I'm sorry too," he sobbed back.

You pulled back and wiped his tears, and he did the same, which was useless since the rain was still drenching you both.

"Let's dance in the rain?" you wiggled your eyebrows at him as you let out a distorted laugh since your throat is still sore.

"That only happened in cringy romantic movies," he let out a watery laugh of his own.

Nevertheless, you both stood back on your feet and danced in the rain.

Whew! That was a trip, my finger really said ✨No✨ when I wanted to make another angst for an another character.

Thanks for reading this blog and likes and reblogs are appreciated ;)

I hope my likes won't go down for not posting in a while :(

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anne-i-write · 3 years

Text

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・��・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

#moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #william james moriarty #william moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #william moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty #louis moriarty #louis james moriarty x reader #louis moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #albert moriarty #albert james moriarty x reader #albert moriarty x reader #sebastian moran #sebastian moran x reader #fred porlock

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