#.i’m always down for a taylor swift lyric edit

[starsandhughes]

Can we get when sissy and trev first say I love you and when they started saying forever and always

the first time they said i love you is told in the engagement edition post!

— — — —

ever since you and Trevor first said i love you, four months into your relationship due to both of you taking things slow, you two have been saying it non stop. in the morning, in between classes, along side his pre practice kiss, before bed, any given opportunity is taken.

you were currently sitting between Trevor’s legs on Jack’s bed while the two of them played video games. you were nodding your head and softly singing along to Taylor Swift that was playing per your “request.” mostly softly singing. occasionally not soft singing. very not soft.

“‘CAUSE I WAS THERE WHEN YOU SAID FOREVER AND ALWAYS! YOU DIDN’T MEAN IT BABY!” you screamed while leaning your head back into your boyfriend’s shoulder for max dramatics.

“Sissy. i love you, i really do. but if you scream lyrics one more time to make me lose, i’ll start to think you’re doing it on purpose,” Jack said annoyed.

“i’m not!” you laughed. “it is physically impossible for me to time the songs to your downfall!”

Jack threw a pillow at you for good measure, which only made you laugh harder. Trevor wrapped his arms around you to stop you from attacking Jack, “you can kill him later. i want to cuddle you now.”

“close your eyes, Jacky boy,” you said before you tilted Trevor’s head down to kiss him. “i love you.”

“i love you,” Trevor echoed.

“let me guess— forever and always?” Jack teased.

“that’s a breakup song!” you said. “we can’t say forever and always because we mean it when we say i love you.”

“what if we say always and forever?” Trevor asked, looking down at you.

“dibs on always!”

“then i got dibs on forever,” Trevor smiled.

he shoved his hand over Jack’s eyes and kissed you again, longer this time.

“i love you, always,” you breathed out when you pulled apart.

“i love you, forever.”

#penalty box series: blurbs #penalty box series #trevor zegras #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras blurb #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras x hughes reader #jack hughes #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #nhl

[firstelevens]

prompt list: taylor swift lyrics, pt. iii

part i | part ii | eras tour edition

Below are another fifty prompts drawn from Taylor Swift’s discography. They can be used as dialogue, within narration, or just as inspiration for fics/moodboards/fanart.

Reblog to use as a call for prompts (one pairing/character with one or more numbers) or just to save for inspiration.

in lonely beds

nothing but missing you

through the darkness at 1:58

on the floor, wearing your clothes

the words I held back

around the kitchen in the refrigerator light

alone in a crowded room

can we always be this close?

six months gone and I’m still reaching

loved you three summers

want you for worse or for better

before the monsters caught up to you

you need to hear me out

so quiet in the world tonight

on my guard for the rest of the world

I’ve missed you all this time

I can still feel your arms

leaving too soon

lay my armor down

the only thing we share

from the very first day

don’t say yes

all the city lights on the water

this magic I’ve been feeling

the story of us

forcing laughter, faking smiles

can’t make them stay

when it all broke down

all you’re ever going to be

a drawer of my things at your place

this is me swallowing my pride

keeping secrets just to keep you

they’ll judge it like they know about me and you

silence and patience, pining and anticipation

laughing from the passenger side

had you memorized for so long

a letter left on your doorstep

knew you were trouble

it could stay this simple

laughing like a little kid

a band of thieves

know exactly where this leads

wishing you were at my door

realized what I had

shining like fireworks

is it too soon to do this?

plaid shirt days

I should’ve known

just don’t go

rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

#prompt list #writing prompts #fic prompts #taylor swift prompt list #a little heavy on the Speak Now lyrics in order to celebrate Taylor's Version!!!! #i did this over a four hour car ride please clap #long post

[fel0ny-01]

Call of Duty Characters as Taylor Swift Songs: 1989 Edition

So Rep and 1989 did tie but it makes sense to start with 1989 first so I can go in order of official release date! I hope you enjoy!

Price: I Know Places

As cringey as it sounds, it almost makes me feel like this song features some things he would tell the boys (which is how it reminds me of him) Like,

“They got their cages, they got their boxes and guns”

“They are the hunters we are the foxes”

And this one relates to the missions where you need to check your light monitor thing in the first game.

“Lights flash and we’ll run for the fences”

And of course,

“They take their shots but we’re bulletproof” and “You know for me, it’s always you” which I think reflects his love for his boys very well.

Gaz: Style

Honestly I don’t have much of a reasoning behind this one except Gaz literally never goes out of style.

“And when we go crashing down we come back every time” this reminds me of how many times Gaz has almost died but he bounces back so quickly.

I also think he’d dance to this one in his room alone.

Soap: Bad Blood

This perfectly sums up the entire Graves Betrayal thing. Especially the lyrics “Still got scars on my back from your knife” and “Band Aids don’t fix bullet holes”. He definitely listens to this to hype himself up in the gym when he’s trying to let out all his rage in a workout.

(If you were on the ‘Graves and Soap had a thing’ before the entire betrayal, “you know it used to be mad love” fits there too.)

Ghost: Out of the Woods

This fits Ghost so well. I think he constantly feels like he isn’t out of the woods with constantly being targeted/feared by people as his reputation makes him seem like this beast on the field. And definitely just in general being asked if they’re clear on missions.

But I also think some lines can be told from Soap’s perspective from the alone mission. Especially the “remember when you hit the breaks too soon?” When Ghost literally rams into the stand with the car? And the “20 stitches in a hospital room”, no doubt his bullet wound would need stitches.

If you are a beloved Ghoap shipper like me, the entire bridge could kind of be a nod to what would have happened after Alone.

“When you started crying baby I did too and when the sun came up I was looking at you”

“Remember when we couldn’t take the heat, I walked out and said “I’m setting you free” - such a nod to all the fics where Ghost gets so scared to be with Soap because he thinks he’s dangerous.

“but the monsters turned out to be just trees, and when the sun came up you were looking at me” - Soap showing Ghost he’s not as bad as he thinks he is and Ghost finally believing it.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #cod mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price #john price #swifties #Taylor Swift #call of duty x swifties #cod characters as Taylor songs

[piichuu]

TUVA I WATCHED AOT LAST EP TODAY AND OMG I NEED TO RANT TO SOMEONE BUT NONE OF MY FRIENDS WATCH AOT AND U WERE THE FIRST PERSON I THOUGHT OF SO-

ok like my heart feels like it's been punched 100x times and it feels SO HOLLOW OMG and THE EDITS ARE NOT HELPING ARGH

like on tiktok someone made an edit of eremika w "say don't go" by taylor swift (idk if u listen to taylor but JUST LOOK AT THE LYRICS) AND IM LIKE ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF SOBBING WHEN I THINK AB THAT EDIT 🤧💔

and THE WHOLE EP I JUST FELT CHILLS LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS DEVELOPING A FEVER OR SMTH BUT NAH IT WAS BC THE EP WAS THAT GOOD 💳💥💳💥💳💥

ok but connie at the end 🤭🤭🤭🤭 BRO LOOKED SO FINE W HAIR OMG I LEGIT COVERED MY MOUTH AND PROCESSED HIS VISUALS FOR A WHILE

OH AND PIECK WAS JUST SO UGH <333 SHES SO COOL AND BADASS SHE GOTTA BE ONE OF MY FAVS I SWEAR

AND WHEN MIKASA REALISED SHE HAD TO KILL EREN 💔 legit heard my heart shatter bruh AND OMG THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT HIM WHEN SHE KILLED HIM 💔💔 AND THE FACT THAT THE LAST THING HE SAW WAS HER 💔💔💔

i need therapy and isayama is paying for it idc-

i'm a hardcore eremika stan if u didn't know by now <3

SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO HASNT SEEN AOT

omg yes please rant to me i’ve waited to rant about it to someone as well😭😭

that last episode actually broke my heart like i was CRUSHED afterwards and i was crying so much during the episode i don’t think i ever stopped tbh

like i thought i cried much but when mikasa killed eren….I BROKE DOWN and couldn’t breathe, i didn’t know how i would survive and seeing edits of it makes me cry too and i just….i can’t handle it and apparently a severed head has consciousness for like 25 seconds so EREN FELT MIKASAS KISS IM GONNA KMS

and i also need to see that edit even if it’s sad because say don’t go with eremika?!?!?!?! i’m actually gonna cry just thinking about it because it’s not okay😭😭😭

and connie didn’t need to look so hot the last minutes of the episode, everyone looked so good but especially jean🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 but why did they do erwin so dirty in that one scene…..he looked like a blob and i have never been more sad. they made my man dirty

eremika stan for life🙏🙏

#aot spoilers #♡ moots: saki #♡ mail

[cowboylikeekatie]

welcome to reddie coded taylor swift lyrics! (fearless tv edition)! this is part four! this album reminds me of them sm

literally all of fearless reminds me of them but specifically “you take my hand and drag me head first, fearless” and “and i don’t know why but with you id dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless”- fearless (eddie’s pov!) (get it because he’s always scared of germs and stuff and richie helps him feel safe)

“cause’ you were romeo, you were throwing pebbles, and my daddy said stay away from juliet” - love story (another eddie’s pov!)

“breaking down and coming undone, it’s a roller coaster kinda rush” - the way i loved you (pov doesn’t matter)

“cause’ i can’t help it if you look like an angel, can’t help it if i want to kiss you in the rain so, come feel this magic i’ve been feeling since i met you” - hey stephen (richie’s pov)

“nothing made sense till the time i saw your face” - today was a fairytale (pov doesn’t matter bc it fits both of them so well)

“i said leave but all i really want is you, to stand outisde my window throwing pebbles screaming, ‘i’m in love with you’” - the other side of the door (eddie’s pov)

“i’m no one special, just another wide-eyed girl, who’s desperately in love with you, give me a photograph to hang on my wall, superstar” - superstar (richie’s pov but it also reminds me of eddie during the 27 years if he saw richie’s comedy shows and stuff)

#fearless #fearless taylor’s version #taylor swift #it 2019 #it 2017 #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #it 1990 #richie tozier #stephen king #richie x eddie #richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak #it #it stephen king

[fics-not-tragedies]

January 2024 Music Prompts - Spotify Wrapped edition

♪ Hello again! Yes, I'm finally back, at last. Let's start new year with something great: music prompts ♪🎵🎶

♪ Since getting your Spotify Wrapped is such a huge event every year (at least for me, who listens to the same 5 artists and even tho I still get surprised, lol), I decided to surprise you with a little prompt event.

♪ I've chosen 15 songs from my 2023 Wrapped playlist and a lyric (or few) for each one of them that just has THE vibe (y'know):

1. Own My Mind ♫ Måneskin I'm prayin' at your altar if you know what I mean.

2. Dinner & Diatribes ♫ Hozier I’d suffer hell if you'd tell me/What you'd do to me tonight.

3. Kiwi ♫ Harry Styles She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.

4. Electricity ♫ Arctic Monkeys Tell me something I don’t already know/Like how'd you get your kisses to fill me with electricity?

5. Francesca ♫ Hozier Though I know my heart would break/I'd tell them, "Put me back in it".

6. Honey (Are You Coming?) ♫ Måneskin I'm gonna show you how this Italian amor/It's gonna love you harder than ever before/You will like it.

7. Don't Blame Me ♫ Taylor Swift I would fall from grace/Just to touch your face.

8. For Your Love ♫ Måneskin I wanna be the first man you look at tonight/I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild.

9. Stuck ♫ Thirty Seconds to Mars I've been lost in your eyes all afternoon/The more I drift, the closer I get to you.

10. Mammamia ♫ Måneskin They ask me why I'm so hot, 'cause I'm italiano.

11. Nobody ♫ Hozier I'd be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint/I wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave/But I want you to know that I've had no love like your love.

12. I Can See You ♫ Taylor Swift But what would you do if I went to touch you now?/What would you do if they never found us out?/What would you do if we never made a sound?

13. Baby Said ♫ Måneskin Baby said, "Let me taste your silhouette/You can talk between my legs"/Uh-uh, uh, uh, know you really want to.

14. Cuff It ♫ Beyonce I wanna go higher, can I sit on top of you?

15. I Wanna Be Your Dog ♫ John McCrea So messed up, I want you here/In my room, I want you here/Now we're gonna be face-to-face/And I'll lay right down in my favorite place.

♪ You can now start making request for the following list of characters:

1. Keanu Reeves along with his following characters/movies:

John Wick & the John Wick movies franchise,

Constantine & the movie,

Johnny Utah & Point Break,

Jonathan Harker & Bram Stoker’s Dracula,

Neo & The Matrix,

dr Julian Mercer,

Jack Traven & Speed;

2. Riccardo Scamarcio along with:

Santino D’Antonio;

3. Andrew Hozier Byrne;

4. Tom Hiddleston along with his following characters/movies:

Sir Thomas Sharpe & Crimson Peak,

Loki & Avengers/Thor,

Adam & Only Lovers Left Alive,

dr Robert Laing & High Rise,

Jonathan Pine & The Night Manager;

5. Henry Cavill along with his following characters/movies:

Geralt of Rivia & The Witcher,

Walter Marshall & Nomis,

Capt. Syverson & Sand Castle,

Napoleon Solo & The Man from U.N.C.L.E.,

August Walker & MI: Fallout,

6. Alexander Skarsgård along with his following characters/movies:

Eric Northman & True Blood,

Leo Beiler & Mute,

Gadi Becker & The Little Drummer Girl,

sergeant Brad “Iceman” Colbert & Generation Kill,

7. Peaky Blinders franchise along with the following characters:

Thomas ‘Tommy’ Shelby,

Alfie Solomons,

8. Supernatural franchise along with the following characters:

Dean Winchester,

Sam Winchester,

9. The X Files franchise along with the following characters:

Dana Scully,

Fox Mulder,

10. Kiefer Sutherland along with his following characters/movies:

Jack Bauer & 24,

president Tom Kirkman & Designated Survivor,

David & The Lost Boys.

Please send in a number with the song/lyric you fancy + a character from those listed above, first come - first serve, as always.

If there are any questions don’t be afraid to ask them, I’m always all ears for y’all!

♪ LET'S CELEBRATE THE BEGINNING OF 2024 ✨

#music prompts #january 2024 music prompts #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #john wick fanfiction #imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #santino d'antonio fanfic #hozier fanfiction #henry cavill fanfiction #alexander skarsgard fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #the x files fanfiction #kiefer sutherland fanfiction #neo fanfiction #constantine fanfiction #geralt of rivia fanfiction #loki fanfiction #thomas sharpe fanfiction #tommy shelby fanfiction

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/04/2024 (Taylor Swift's THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, Drake's "Push Ups", Headie One/Stormzy/Tay Keith)

Let’s talk about Taylor Swift.

#4 - “Down Bad” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Yeah, I’m cactus, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS, blah, blah, blah - I don’t like bending the format of this series, which actually fares quite well for a massive artist who will inevitably debut on top as it ensures a build-up to the big smash hit, but I also like reflecting the culture I write about. Taylor is such a cultural monolith in much of the English-speaking world and outside of it that despite the episode now having to end with her biggest competitor, Drake, he still doesn’t even stain this week’s biggest story, and really, only news story in an industry less and less important, and further removed from the concept of monoculture outside of freak accident white women like Taylor or Barbie than ever. Regardless of my opinions on her output, I may have to respect and reflect her sheer capability to produce discourse, reaction and most importantly, for people to actually give a shit about analysing music.

Now if we’re talking opinions on her output… you can probably get more out of me from looking at my first impressions account of listening to the new Taylor Swift album on RateYourMusic in my 2024 listening log (the account name is exclusivelytopostown). Oh, yeah, if you somehow don’t know, Taylor Swift released an album called The Tortured Poets Anthology and then two hours later, reissued it with the subtitle The Anthology, and naturally, broke all kinds of Spotify records, got a billion streams in a week, what have you. I have less to say about these individual songs than I do about the album, so I’ll try to weave it in but the crux of my takeaway is that this album’s title naturally leads to polarising results and it’s no surprise that she has compelled and practically controlled pop music and celebrity discourse for the entire week… it’s also her worst album attached directly with my favourite piece of full-length work she’s ever released.

Whilst there are plenty of in-depth reasons to compare and contrast the two releases, from here on referred to as ‘sides’ even though I’m not actually sure how the physical releases for this one worked out, the primary reasons for my stark difference in opinion lie in two fundamental components, both of which are not night-and-day between the sides, but have such a detrimental effect on my enjoyment when the two factors are combined that it ends up just as effective.

For “Down Bad”, I’ll focus on the first, and perhaps most important, reason for my preference of The Anthology: lyrics. Do not get me wrong, the second side has its fair share of strange lines and choices, as with any Taylor album, especially in her current obsessive, wordy over-sharing era, and some of its most befuddling are present on this half, making it stand out even more because of the array of lyrical perspectives that are actually on display. The second side lives up to its name, it allows for further exploration of the narrative perspectives Taylor adopts, the subtler details of decidedly unsubtle songs. I’m not saying that Taylor isn’t writing from her own perspective on all 15 tracks - there are 31 in total, of course, thank the Heavens for arbitrary singles chart rules - because she’s absolutely making parallels to if not directly referencing known moments in her life and career. The approach is adventurous, the charm returns to her clumsiness that was my favourite part of Midnights, and there are moments that can be genuinely biting and, well, poetic.

The standard edition is, for lack of a more accurate term, cringe. Again, there are absolutely moments where that is the case for side B, and I’m not claiming there’s a void of good lines… but there kind of is, isn’t there? We will always gravitate to clunkers, but what I’m more bothered by is the deadpan delivery of these lyrics, that don’t feel very Taylor-esque at times yet don’t establish themselves as a separate perspective. This is exemplified in “Down Bad”, which could be written by anyone outside from some Swiftisms in the verses, which really sound more like derivatives of her prior work rather than a signature style at this point, and really, I don’t need to explain to you why Taylor Swift should not have wriitten a song called “Down Bad”. Musically, this album spends much of its time in dull adult contemporary lightened up by Jack Antonoff synth wank that fails to distinguish the record from what came before it, so when the lyrics don’t feel like Taylor outside of when they’re at their worst, most petulant and bratty, which she fails to consistently sell because of said musical backing, it becomes a slow exhaust of four minutes… this song should really not feel this long. Hopefully now, you’ll understand what I mean in how the two components are mediocre by themselves and fail to constitute a complete package. We’ll talk more about the sonics with…

#3 - “The Tortured Poets Department” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Musically, the first side of this album feels uninspired, a retread of steps Taylor’s been tracing alongside Mr. Antonoff for years now, with its most unique textures reminiscent of 90s adult contemporary and soft rock… it could work as utter background music if that weren’t a complete misunderstanding of why Taylor Swift works as a singer, songwriter, musician and cultural presence: an imperfect mess that has achieved unbeatable status not through style or character but through ability to craft a narrative regarding herself and everyone involved, or in some cases, allow others to craft that story for her. Taylor, despite me not enjoying a large amount of her catalogue, admittedly never made it off of bad songs: those came after the good songs, and those bad songs - the “Shake it Off”s, “Bad Blood”s, “ME!”s - were risks, paying off not in acclaim or sometimes even notable chart success, but for developing and evolving the mythos. An unstoppable force - of fans, acclaim, criticism, ex-boyfriends, cultural osmosis and Kanye - has finally made her the immovable object, and it sure sounds like it on this first side of the album, especially compared to the organic, risk-taking and more ambitious, often minimal, instrumentation that Aaron Dessner brings to the second, alongside some work from Antonoff that feels more delicate and refined, unless Taylor really wants to bring the punch in because when she takes a swing, she does it with mesmerising grace. When she misses… the album just kind of sounds like twinkly soft-rock ass.

I’m sorry, this song is fundamentally fine, but it is lost both in its production, a meandering piano jog with no compositional drive, and in its lyrical conceit of megastar Taylor having an affair with some nerd from a band I’ve been a proud hater of for years - check the archives - and mirroring Drake’s inability to explain who the fuck Jason is in “Away from Home”. I know who Lucy and Jack are, do I want to? No, do I dig the farfetched historical comparisons? Kind of, it adds texture lyrically, but it’s also as tacky as saying Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist. He’s big enough. He’s fine. I don’t even think HE wants to be a bigger artist. If it’s sarcasm, then it feels mean and if it’s genuine… maybe you should start listening more closely to the art of your friends - if that’s still accurate here - and fellow musicians that you reference in your music. Maybe there’s something there you haven’t fully grasped in all your security as the biggest artist alive: the ability to truly fail. I’m not sure Lucy Dacus, or Charlie Puth, or even Matty Healy, could survive an album as polarising as this, but once again, that mythos, that fanbase, that tree branch connection to every record and radio executive in the damn Anglosphere and beyond, it’s a comfy king-size bed to sleep on. Is the poet really tortured when they can go through the Hell of showbiz and come back to that? I don’t know, but what I do know is that the song fades out instead of ending properly, you fucking cowards.

#1 - “Fortnight” - Taylor Swift featuring Post Malone

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Inevitably, it’s her fourth #1, his second, and it has a well-directed video to wrap it all up. Self-directed, too. There’s a relatively solid foundation of this being about her relationships with Joe Alwyn and you know who. I think there’s a fascinating dichotomy that can be made if you interpret the song in different ways: the breakdown of her relationship with Alwyn, or the closing of the distance between her and bitch-face. I think the wham line of “I love you, it’s ruining my life” develops on one of my favourite songs of Taylor’s, “You’re Losing Me”, even if it doesn’t reach the same heights - or realistically, lows - instead going for a typical Antonoff synth pastiche that frankly disappoints. I think Post Malone’s presence, whilst perhaps underused, is best fit to haunting backing vocals to establish that looming male presence, and he sounds great here. The song largely goes nowhere, planting seeds it refuses to grow, but that’s a problem with the production more than anything. Like “Anti-Hero”, it’s a strong-concept, nuanced lead single that I don’t like primarily because of reasons outside of her control, and I’m just glad to wrap it up in a simpler bow that I can compare to her previous album… because Lord knows that’s what the first side of the album really doesn’t want you to do. Seriously though, this is absolutely lethargic, I can assume this felt like the best way to represent emotional numbness but there are much more unique minimal textures and patterns on the back-half, this feels cheap. Perhaps a good lead single, but terrible opener in my opinion, it really set the tone in a frustrating way. Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” is at #5, Hozier’s “Too Sweet” is at #2. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

So other things happened, more than I expected, actually and to be honest, the intention is to be relatively brief. You know what the notable dropouts are but I’ll say that I cover the UK Top 75 anyway and that they are songs exiting out of the region after five weeks or a peak in the top 40, so we bid adieu to “Supersonic” by Oasis, “so american” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain, “Never be Alone” by Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera, “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley with uncredited appearances from Ms. Lauryn Hill, “Houdini” by Dua Lipa, “Water” by Tyla, “Asking” by Sonny Fodera, MK and Clementine Douglas, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and of course, rest in peace, “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell, and welcome back to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Camila Cabello’s “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti is our other re-entry at #65 which is just funny if anything given this week.

As for our gains, there aren’t a ton, but a surprisingly fair few considering the amount of new entries, so I’ll note down the boosts for “Cry” by Benson Boone to #55, “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #53 - good week to be whatever species Carti is, I suppose - as well as “Never be Lonely” by Jax Jones and Zoe Wees at #50, “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #49, “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #47, “Back to Black” by the late Amy Winehouse at #43, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #21, “Tell Ur Girlfriend” by Lay Bankz at #18 and finally, one I’m very happy to see, the scrunkly Shaboozey at #16 with “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”. I can see top five in this one’s future, but speaking of… oh, wait, we’ve already covered it. Seven new songs! Speed round!

New Entries

#69 - “Joga Bonito” - AJ Tracey

Produced by Remedee and Nyge

The bar for cover art is in Hell. That is a PlayStation 2 model of a flag-wearing Brazilian lady showing leg, and that is now a charting single. It’s no surprise to me that Tracey is hopping on Jersey club-influenced beats, particularly with the mellow, filtered R&B sample and incredibly mundane flexes, as whilst he’s always been fun, and occasionally latches onto excellent hooks, he’s ultimately tied very heavily to trends and guest features, and this just feels a bit… empty, without a real “hook” outside of, well, its hook. He’s chatting the girl up, he says that she would look sexy in his merch, and he has the incredible bar of “I like Japan, so do you”. It must be true love. Look, if I’m going to critique Taylor for lazy writing over empty production, I can’t really give this a free pass either, even if it has some vague energy - none of it feels palpable or driving. ‘tis a shame, I tend to like Tracey’s output more consistently than other UK rappers.

#67 - “Pedro” - Jaxomy, Agatino Romero and Raffaella Carrá

Produced by Jaxomy, Agatino Romero, Steffen Harning and Reinhard Raith

Okay, this one might need some explaining. Raffaela Carrá was, and still is, a beloved icon in Italian pop music, LGBT and women’s culture, and seemingly the entire country. I’m not familiar with her at all, but that’s purely my bad: she’s sold millions upon millions of copies internationally, and released a prolific amount of albums worldwide in multiple languages. A gay icon and self-proclaimed Communist, Carrá’s classic hit “Pedro” never made it to the UK charts from release in 1980 until now, long after her passing in 2021. Latin disco by an Italian Communist sounds like I’d adore it, and for the record, I do. The original song is infectious, silly and brimmed with bombast from its obnoxious horn section to percussion so incredibly layered, especially with the snaps and claps, that it feels almost claustrophobic. Whilst far from a bad singer, Carrá brings a childlike clumsiness to the song’s hooks that define the song’s infectious personality. As someone who’s been introduced to this song literally today, it kind of feels like it’s been here for all of my life and that I’ve heard it at like seven school discos. Sicilian DJ Agatino Romero joined forces with Berlin-based Jaxomy for a pretty faithful remix that may pick up the pace and replace its rhythm section with pounding hardcore kicks, but the horns remain, because how couldn’t they? In fact, they sound even more full of life when placed onto much less organic instrumentation, from being just one element of a cacophony to a disco ball shining in your direction whilst you’re on the worst, most pounding, migraine-inducing high in a rave. It doesn’t change the song structure or even its fundamental instrumental texture a ton, probably out of respect, but that one change to the song’s arguably most important component does a lot to flip it on its head and I can really appreciate how skillfully it’s done here. Rest in peace to Raffaella Carrá, and I really hope this ends up sticking around. It’s just too infectious.

#62 - “Starburster” - Fontaines D.C.

Produced by James Ford

This is Irish indie rock outfit Fontaines D.C. with their new single about accidentally eating the Starburst with the wrapper on. Jokes aside, this is a great song. I’m not particularly invested in Fontaines as I am for some other indie and alt-rock acts that pop up here and there on the charts, in fact, I’m not familiar with their work at all, but it doesn’t mean this can’t stand on its own as one of the leading single for their next record, which I might actually have to listen to if it’s in this vein. I was initially worried given the sprinkle of pianos over lo-fi strings and James Ford production that this would be a late-era Arctic Monkeys rip but as soon as the dejected drums came in alongside that droning lead vocal from frontman Grian Chatten, it became obvious that this would functioning in a hip hop structure through way of indie rock, with Chatten actually rapping, in full Irish accent and all, over the instrumental as if it were a collection of loops instead of a live band with some smoky if typical riffs to back him up. Lyrically, Chatten details several violent analogies that seem to coalesce into sexual desire, or at least some kind of euphoric rush, intended to be purely momentary and necessary, even if it intrudes on others, if there’s a moment of bliss to be found. It’s difficult not to see this as kinky, and I honestly get a lot of mileage out of that interpretation given how its bluntness isn’t relegated to the lyrics, before of course, the strings trickle in for an ethereal bridge about swallowing and following, and Chatten asking for someone to “hit [him] for the day”, before returning to the gnarly mantra of the hook with a sly chuckle. Come on, it’s a sex jam. A weird one, for sure, one wrapped in grotesque metaphor, but I dig this on the smoky, grimed-out level it presents itself as, and maybe I’ll have to listen to whatever comes of this upcoming project.

#58 - “Gata Only” - FloyyMenor and Cris Mj

Produced by Big Cyyu

It’s rare to see Chileans chart anywhere outside of Latin America, let alone the UK, so I do want to give this some more of a chance, especially since the synth-led production at the start is a nice, promising ambiance… that gets immediately washed out by some of the shrillest synths and cheapest reggaeton percussion I’be heard in the genre. I’m not intimately familiar with the scene but I’ve heard plenty with more character, and even reggaeton that’s relaxing and ethereal. That could have been the play for these two auto-crooners, if it wasn’t for… THAT sound they keep repeating. Translating the lyrics, though of course this can lead to miscommunication, we get little of substance to chew on either. The most mush-mouthed appearance here is from Cris Mj, who was criticised by his own fans for his overly-reverbed, robotic performance before other fans convinced him that it was cool, actually, preventing him from deleting the song or at least removing himself from it as promised. I guess it turned out well as this is both acts’ biggest worldwide hit - it’s a massive deal to get a reggaeton song of all genres to cross over to little ol’ England - but if it weren’t for its inexplicable viral success, maybe he had the right idea initially in staying humble and listening to feedback. This is rote and droll in the worst kind of way because it’s in a genre that can be so exciting and weird… yet that stuff wouldn’t dare chart over here so we have these guys. I’m sure they’re nice, talented guys, but this is not compelling in any way. I can weirdly see it growing on me through some kind of subliminal hypnosis… but I don’t see myself revisiting it enough for the brainwashing to have its effect quite yet.

#41 - “Malicious Intentions” - Pozer

Produced by RA Beats

…really? Pozer? Of all possible guys in UK rap to give a second hit, it’s Pozer? The “Kitchen Stove” guy had that much potential? Whilst I have nothing against the guy, and “Kitchen Stove” is completely fine, it’s a viral breakout hit which finds its main appeal in a novel ambient sample flip taking advantage of the Jersey club wave. He does not feel built for another #41 peak, let alone however long this ends up lasting afterwards. Ironically enough, Pozer himself was the most out of place element of that song, and he seems to have understood that. Does that mean he’s changed his flow and delivery to fit a more chill and atmospheric tone? No, not at all. He’s ditched the ambient sample, replacing it with a wave of synth strings that sound pretty triumphant and play off pretty well against incredibly bass-heavy and driven Jersey rhythms less bothered with fancy percussion additions, and more with the sheer intensity of the 808s, slowly and gradually developing into a more traditional drill beat through the eventual addition of enough additional drums, it’s a really cool idea for an instrumental, especially when it reverts to pure numbing intensity for the chorus, and serves well for what Pozer is going for: an incredibly consistent flow delivered much livelier and with a significantly bouncier, funnier grit than before, and bars that really aren’t bad. Pozer also adapts very seamlessly to the changing rhythm of the beat, and his more introspective moments stick out as perhaps surface-level but particularly potent when delivered with the same restlessness as any other bar. Unrelenting feels like a good way to describe the song, always punching and punching a bit beyond its weight and getting reversed back - and that’s the rhythm. Whilst it’s not reinventing the wheel, this is genuinely pretty infectious and difficult to not get excited to, in spite of - or because of - Pozer’s acquired delivery that takes a while to get used to but shares its realm more fairly than you’d think with such great production and a rapper I didn’t think much of until today. Well done, man, this is an unsettling piece of production that is transformed by the confidence of the rapper on it, and for that, I really dig it.

#33 - “Cry No More” - Headie One featuring Stormzy and Tay Keith

Produced by Tay Keith, Pooh Beatz and Tommy Parker

Speaking of promising UK rap, here we have Headie One with yet another single from an upcoming project titled The Last One. Whether this is a full retirement, we can never tell with rappers. But would this be a strong farewell verse? Well, yeah, it’s impeccable for Headie, it feels like a perfect example of what he does well: a cold staccato verse that runs like a train, punctuated by dejected ad-libs and delivery and paranoid, detached bars revolving around gang violence over tight drill percussion and some of the best mixes I’ve heard for a drill beat: it all sounds crisp to me, especially that warping bass. The sample may not be the most interesting melody to go for over this beat, but its sing-songy tone reassures its ability to be both eerie and anthemic, alongside the incredibly clever implementation of Asake’s “Lonely at the Top” - which peaked at #90, though weirdly I did review this one - in Stormzy’s verse. How it doesn’t feel tacky is beyond me, it feels like a genuine shout-out that matches the tone of the song perfectly and leads into the flex in a subtler way than he probably would have done without it. Notably, Stormzy goes for a similar flow to Headie but kind of shelves him in the wordplay and rhyme scheme departments, even if neither are too lyrical here, mostly showcasing a clash between the images they have to maintain and the real people behind them, though some of that may be unintentional given all the flexing that surrounds it, especially in Stormzy’s verse where they’re so well-intertwined. I was expecting to like this, but came back with even more to chew on than I thought I would, so I’m glad that, even if only for that big debut week and a few more, it can land on the chart, this is great stuff. Hyped for whatever forms out of this and “Marvin’s Sofa”, honestly two of Headie’s best singles leading up to this forthcoming record so expectations are high.

#14 - “Push Ups” - Drake

Produced by Boi-1da, Tay Keith, Preme, Fierce, Dramakid and Noel Cadastre

I’m not Kendrick Lamar so who cares what I think about a Drake diss? Genuinely, what purpose would it be for me to sit down and analyse bars that have been thoroughly annotated on Genius already, discussed and taken apart by hip hop podcasters and influencers, if not other rappers, and in some cases, went completely viral? There’s a mix of corny and clever bars here, mostly in the latter which is impressive for late-era Drake, and I hate to say he has some points regarding what seems to be a convenient, preplanned attack on Drake that just confirms his suspicion and contributes to his own narrative. The beat is hard, the mix is rough but it’s a diss track so that is the least of anyone’s concerns. I assume the abrupt beat switch, after a DJ Akademiks meme inserts itself into the song like the leech he is, is a demonstration of Drake having more bars to come, but given there’s only one real punchline in that section, it feels like a long build-up to nothing and a strange decision to include overall as an epilogue. Otherwise, it’s a fun, venomous track with some of Drake’s most well-thought-out and honestly, well-delivered bars in years. It’s crunchy, it’s to the point, and I’m excited for what Kung-Fu Kenny has to say in response.

Conclusion

He’s not getting Best of the Week though. A cool diss doesn’t always equate to a memorable or replayable song, and for me, I think Pozer of all people has the most infectious here, colour me surprised, with the evil-sounding “Malicious Intentions”, but I’ll tie him with the more joyful “Pedro” by Jaxony, Agatino Romero and the late Raffaella Carrá for a more balanced Best of the Week. Hell, there’s enough good stuff here to tie the Honourable Mention up two between Headie One, Stormzy and Tay Keith for “Cry No More” and “Starburster” by Fontaines D.C. As for the worst, it should unsurprisingly fall out quite easily: Taylor Swift has Worst of the Week for “Down Bad”, with the Dishonourable Mention going to “Gata Only” by FloyyMenor and Cris Mj. For what’s on the horizon, I mean, hopefully more good to look forward to but knowing my luck… I don’t know, Bladee? For now, thank you for reading, rest in peace to Mike Pinder, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #post malone #drake #push ups #headie one #stormzy #tay keith #raffaella carrà #agatino romero #jaxomy #fontaines d.c. #floyymenor #cris mj #pozer #aj tracey

[jewishbarbies]

I like Taylor Swift, but I don’t LIKE her, if that makes sense.

Like, I love to listen to her music and picture edits of fictional characters to them, assign my characters lyrics, think of ships I love for them, etc.

I love seeing edits other make to her songs, I like Swifites, sometimes. The normal ones at least. I respect their dedication. The crazy ones though… thin ice.

Bur I don’t like her. I don’t like what she does, the eras tour was way too expensive for way too little, though her outfits are awesome, I don’t like her music videos most of the time. I don’t like that she basically tuns the music industry when there are so many amazing song artists who deserve to be even half as famous.

I think most of why I like her comes down to the fact that I get overly attached to songs and have a musical memory. And I have a bad memory, but I can remember her songs so well.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I kind of just recently broke out of the brainwashing Swifties were doing and wanted to work out my feelings. (I saw a video saying that if you don’t like Taylor Swift, like none of her music, you’re misogynistic, and I was curious what antis were saying and as I read it kind of went “huh. Oh.”) So, yeah, Sorry for dumping this in your inbox.

no worries! I’m always up for a good rant.

I’m the same way honestly. I love most of her older music and still listen to it but I can’t stand her as a person. I only kept listening to all too well because it was connected to some dark times when I used it to get through and I couldn’t untangle that from the song.

#Asks #anonymoose #anti taylor swift #swifties dni

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 10th Studio Album: ‘Midnights’

You would expect by the time a pop star has spent over 15 years in the spotlight that they would run out of steam. But on her 10th studio album, Midnights, Taylor Swift is as energized as ever. Even more impressive, the debut numbers are the biggest of her career yet, landing on a whopping 1.578 million, 1.1 million of those in pure album sales alone. These first week numbers are even larger than that of 1989, which is a huge feat.

Many pieces factor into success like what we’re seeing in this case. One is Swift’s exceptional marketing skills. Her dedicated fans will come out in droves to purchase her art, and the mysterious buzz that centered around the album intrigued the public to tune in. The star’s highly acclaimed releases of folklore (2021’s album of the year) and evermore (a 2022 album of the year nominee) during the pandemic certainly brought in a ton of new fans who perhaps overlooked her sharp lyricism before. But Taylor wants you to know that despite her magical stay in the forest and woodlands, she is in fact still bejeweled, and ready to remind everyone how much her shine still shimmers as a pop titan.

Presented as a loose concept album, Midnights centers on 13 sleepless nights throughout Taylor’s life (plus 7 songs on the “3am edition” that also fit the theme). Surely as she has been re-recording her albums as Taylor’s Versions, old feelings and memories have come to the surface that she is revisiting from a new perspective. Midnights still showcases Swift’s unmatched lyrical ability while taking us on a Jack Antonoff led synth journey.

1. Lavender Haze “All they keep asking me is if I’m gonna be your bride,” Swift laments on the opening track “Lavender Haze.” Which is funny because she spent 2019’s Lover with a bridge of wedding vows and a song about marrying her boyfriend of 6 years now, actor Joe Alwyn, with paper rings. But it is also an astute observation on how the world sees women, as she rejects “the 1950s shit they want from me.” She doesn’t want to follow anyone else’s wishes or timelines, or answer anyone’s questions, she just wants to stay staring at the ceiling with her partner, immersed in the lavender haze (a saying she caught from an episode of Mad Men). She knows that’s where she’s safest, because she’s “damned if I do give a damn what people say.” As an opening track, it delivers sonically and melodically, even in its smaller moments (the little “yeah oh yeah”s in the pre chorus are addictive), it’s a grand number.  Best lyric: “I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say.”

2. Maroon The title track of Swift’s project Red is placed at track two. So it’s no surprise that Swift placed a song with red shade as its title in the same spot. “Maroon” details all the little scarlet moments throughout the ups and downs of a relationship, some examples including wine, hickeys, the sky, and rust. The first verse shows the relationship at its peak, “laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closest friend,” and the second verse juxtaposes it with its breakdown, “sobbing with your head in your hands, ain’t that the way shit always ends?” The final chorus on the track holds some of Taylor’s most interesting (and sensual) vocal delivery to date, her lower register extremely impressive and underrated. Best lyric: “The rust that grew between telephones.”

3. Anti-Hero Do you remember in 2012 when everyone and their father would make jokes that Taylor Swift should write a song called “Maybe I’m The Problem” as a response to her breakup songs? Well, ten years later, she gave them something very close to what they asked. “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me,” she sings in the chorus of the lead single “Anti-Hero” (though not released prior to the album), which Swift claims to be one of her favorite songs she’s ever written. On folklore and evermore, Taylor sang about mental health struggles without explicitly saying that she was the subject of those songs. However, here, it is clearly autobiographical without question. As a fan, to hear her so blatantly say “my depression” in a song was both jarring and relatable. The track lays out her intrusive thoughts about herself, her maladaptive behaviors, ignoring people or pushing loved ones away instead of letting them in. While she sings “I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror,” the song shows how much her music is safe haven for her to sneak a glance at her reflection.  Best lyric: “Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman?”

4. Snow On The Beach (ft. Lana Del Rey) The dreamy “Snow On The Beach” is a romantic love ballad in which Swift is mesmerized by the fact that the person she wants actually wants her back. She can’t quite believe their love, and she’s afraid if she speaks of it, she’ll find out it was an illusion all along. Throughout Swift’s music, and especially in this song, she uses light to describe her partner, singing “I’ve never seen someone lit from within, blurring out my periphery.” While Lana Del Rey, someone Swift hails as one of her musical idols, mostly singing background vocals might seem like an odd choice, just like seeing snow on the beach, it’s “weird, but fucking beautiful.” Best lyric: “Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful.”

5. You’re On Your Own, Kid “You’re On Your Own, Kid” is a journey through Swift’s life and career thus far. The song starts by detailing an unrequited love, which leads her to writing songs in her room and playing them in the parking lot, eventually running away and pursuing her dream of becoming a star. And although her dreams aren’t rare, her success surely is. But even at the height of her success, no longer sitting by herself at the lunch table at junior high, she still found herself alone. “I hosted parties and starved my body, like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss / The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends from home don’t know what to say.” She was degraded by the public and degraded herself. And just as things got better, her life’s work that she put her blood, sweat, and tears into was sold out from under her. But the Taylor’s Versions have been able to give her some solace, “Everything you lose is a step you take.” She ends the song on a hopeful note, reminding herself that she doesn’t have to be afraid; she’s always been on her own and she’s always made it through, and she always will. And the listener can resonate too. We’re all truly on our own at the end of the day, but we’ve gotten this far; we can keep going. Best lyric: “I hosted parties and starved my body, like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss.”

6. Midnight Rain On “Midnight Rain,” Taylor highlights the differences between the life she could’ve had and the life she pursued. “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain / he wanted a bride, I was making my own name,” she (and a distorted voice) sings in the chorus. That life of a small-town girl is far away now, and not one she ever truly wanted, but one she sometimes sneaks a peak at through postcards and time portals and wonders what it might be like. Similar to “Lavender Haze,” this track establishes Swift’s aversion to societal standards, and her embracement of constantly changing and evolving, as evident through her music and career to date. It’s a real catchy ear worm, and after a few listens you really learn to love that voice distortion. Best lyric: “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain.”

7. Question…? While Taylor leaves many hints as to what or who some of her songs might be about, “Question…?” Has one of her most obvious clues to date, as the song starts with a sampling of her song “Out of the Woods” from 1989, a song famously known to be about her relationship with Harry Styles. Not only is there the sample, but also lyrical parallels. “The rest of the world was black and white / but we were in screaming color,” she sings on “Out of the Woods.” On “Question…?” She says, “I don’t remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I’ve searched for since.” One could assume while going back and rerecording 1989, she may have reflected on the relationship, with questions popping up. While it seems as if Swift knows the answers to these questions already, she still wants to ask them and get the confirmation and closure she’s searching for, a very relatable feeling. Just like in life, though, she doesn’t get any explicit answers in the song, but maybe she doesn’t need them anymore, anyway. Best lyric: “Does it feel like everything’s just like second best after that meteor strike?”

8. Vigilante Shit When listing the things that kept Taylor up at night, serving as inspiration for this album, one thing she cites is plotting revenge. In the revenge fantasy “Vigilante Shit,” Swift tips off the FBI about her enemy (presumably Sc**ter Br**n) and his “white collar crimes,” and assists his ex-wife in winning their divorce. “I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends,” she croons. Which, historically, is true. Swift has rarely been the instigator of a feud or fight, but when she’s targeted, she comes back on top every time. After all, karma is her boyfriend. Best lyric: “Ladies always rise above, ladies know what people want / someone sweet, and kind, and fun / the lady simply had enough.”

9. Bejeweled “Bejeweled” is an exciting and fun pop song about letting go of the people and things that drag you down and allowing yourself to shimmer again. We can surmise that “Bejeweled” represents a night during a dead-end relationship where she finally prioritized herself again and learned she can still shine on her own right. In a radio interview, Swift said that “Bejeweled” mirrored her re-entrance into the pop landscape after her folk escapades, and that she had to pump herself back up into believing that she could still do it. The track itself proves that Swift stills rules without competition. Best lyric: “And when I meet the band, they ask, ‘Do you have a man?’ I could still say, ‘I don’t remember.’”

10. Labyrinth One of the few ballads on the standard edition, “Labyrinth” tracks Taylor’s thought process as she realizes she’s falling in love again, despite all of her fears after being burned in the past. She laments her pain and acknowledges her worries. The progression from “uh oh,” to “oh no,” to “oh,” before the line “I’m falling in love,” shows her trepidation turned to acceptance, due to the length’s this person would go to just to make her smile. While there are some synth sounds that seem slightly out of place, overall it is a song anyone who is learning to open up their hearts after being hurt can relate to. Best lyric: “Break up, break free, break through, break down.”

11. Karma “Ask me why so many fade, but I’m still here,” she sings on “Karma.” The answer? One could be her incredible talent and hard work ethic. But an additional answer is because her and karma vibe like that. In this catchy pop hit, Taylor reaps the rewards of staying true to who she is while karma takes down her enemies who never keep their side of the street clean. She knows karma is on her side, and she can relax trusting that it’ll do its thing. And so far, it has served her well. In the most Taylor Swift™ fashion of all time, she compares karma to a cat purring in her lap because it loves her. And it is! It does! Best lyric: “Karma’s a relaxing thought / aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?”

12. Sweet Nothing Co-penned by William Bowery aka Joe Alwyn, “Sweet Nothing” is a love song from Swift to Alwyn. She discusses all the negative things going on around her and the way people push and shove to get a piece of her, while her partner is just in the kitchen humming, asking nothing of her, just loving her as she is. We get a brief peak into their dynamic in the truly sweet lyric, “On the way home, I wrote a poem / you say, ‘what a mind,’ this happens all the time.” To be loved for your mind rather than your status is a gift for someone like Swift. I’m sure the poems are lovely. Best lyric: “Outside, they’re push and shoving, you’re in the kitchen humming / all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.”

13. Mastermind A word that has been weaponized against Taylor over the years is “calculated.” On “Mastermind,” the standard edition’s closing track, she owns the claim, singing, “I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cuz I care.” “Mastermind” is Taylor’s confession to her partner that she masterminded their entire relationship from the first night he saw her. She confides in him in one of her most personal lyrics yet, singing, “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / to make them love me and make it seem effortless.” She thought no one could love her unless she tricked them into it. But upon her confession, his smile proves her wrong, because he knew the entire time that she thought she was masterminding their relationship, but in reality he went along with it because he wanted her too, schemes and all. She finally found her effortless love. Best lyric: “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / so I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / to make them love me and make it seem effortless.”

3am Tracks

14. The Great War On the first 3am track, Taylor teams back up with her other folklore & evermore collaborator, Aaron Dessner of The National. “The Great War” seems to be about a fight in a relationship, and Swift’s difficulty bouncing back from it. She lays out her lack of trust from past relationships and how that has interfered with reconciliation efforts, as she sings, “And maybe it’s the past that’s talking, screaming from a crypt / telling me to punish you for things you never did.” But despite some of these maladaptive behaviors, her partner still reached for her hand, trying to make things right. And they did it, they survived, and that survival brought back her faith.  Best lyric: “You drew up some good faith treaties / I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone.”

15. Bigger Than The Whole Sky “Bigger Than The Whole Sky” is a song about loss. Although the loss of exactly what is unclear, the grief is palpable. She searches for what might have caused such a tragedy, wondering if she was at fault. There are so many questions in grief to which we never receive answers. This song has resonated with many fans online, relating it to their own personal experiences of miscarriages, deaths, and pet losses.  Best lyric: “Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness.”

16. Paris In this fun pop song, Taylor compares the view of her partner to that of the city of Paris. She’s so in love that she might stop breathing, that she doesn't care about her friends’ gossip or what’s on the news. She’s transported into a world of romance where nothing else matters, where alleyways appear and cheap wine tastes like champagne. It’s the excitement of completely falling into someone as the rest of the world fades away. Best lyric: “I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever.”

17. High Infidelity “High Infidelity” is an intriguing track, produced by Aaron Dessner, about the end of an unhappy relationship. We can presume that she is referring to her ex, the DJ known as Calvin Harris, her previous long-term boyfriend before meeting her current partner, with lyrics like “put on your records and regret me” and “put on your headphones and burn my city.” In the song, Swift is implying that there was some type of infidelity, whether physical or emotional only is not quite clear, but either way she admits, “I bent the truth too far tonight,” and asks, “do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?” But she didn’t think it would matter much to him, and is surprised by his sense of betrayal and hurt, but not particularly remorseful. Best lyric: “You know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love / the slowest way is never loving them enough.”

18. Glitch Another Antonoff produced track written alongside Sam Dew and Mark Anthony Spears, “Glitch,” is one of the sexier tracks on the album. The concept is that Taylor can’t quite fathom how this love of hers has worked out for 2,190 days (that’s 6 years, if you didn’t know) and counting when all she’s been used to is situation-ships and dudes who give nothing. So if it’s lasted this long, it’s gotta be a glitch in the system, right? Best lyric: “And I’m not even sorry / nights are so starry, blood moonlit.”

19. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve While “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is arguably one of the best tracks on all of Midnights, everything Swift does is for a reason. When you listen to the song, it becomes quite evident why she put it at track 19. “And I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at 19,” she sings. As an avid fan, you immediately hear the echoing of the best song on her third album Speak Now, “Dear John,” which has the lyric, “don’t you think 19’s too young to be played by your dark twisted games when I loved you so?” And it becomes clear what she’s discussing: the power dynamic in her relationship when she was 19 with John Mayer, who was 32 at the time (Swift’s current age). One could assume rerecording Speak Now (which Swift has highly hinted at being the next rerelease) brought up some old feelings. “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve,” is a powerful track filled with intense regret. She describes him as a “promising grown man,” putting a spin on the monicker often given in defense of younger men who abuse women. She likens the relationship to religion: “you’re a crisis of my faith,” “all I used to do was pray,” “gone along with the righteous.” This was a man that she idolized, and the fall from his pedestal crushed her in irreparable ways. “Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first,” she pleads with a heart wrenching ache in her voice. It’s hard to listen to this song without feeling pain for her, especially as she ups the octave for the outro, making the regret feel more urgent, more palpable. Best lyric: “God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be / the tomb won’t close, stained-glass windows in my mind / I regret you all the time.”

20. Dear Reader The 3am edition closing track is “Dear Reader,” a letter to her listeners. She gives advice about avoiding traps, starting over, keeping secrets, and aiming for the devil. But she also gives the caveat, “Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart,” supposedly referring to herself. But the best advice comes from those who have fallen, who have experience, who feel a range of emotions quite like Swift does. That’s why she is so popular; because people can relate to her words and they keep them close to their hearts. “You should find another guiding light,” she suggests. But this sign can’t stop me because I can’t read! Best lyric: “You don’t have to answer just cuz they asked you.”

Target Deluxe Edition

Hits Different The Target Deluxe Edition exclusive song “Hits Different” marks the return of Swift, Dessner, and Antonoff all together. The song feels very vintage Swift, almost like it could’ve been a recent “From The Vault” track. “Hits Different” is about a breakup that is much harder to get over than any other she’s experienced. She hears their song everywhere, she stops receiving invitations because she can’t stop slurring his name when she’s out with friends, she cries over a hat. She’s so far gone in this breakup that she thinks people are coming to take her away. Anyone who has experienced a tough breakup could probably find a lyric in this song to which they can relate. But even without being able to relate, it’s a fun, funny, enjoyable track served as a nice treat for loyal fans who actually go out and buy CDs these days. Best lyric: “I pictured you with other girls, in love / then threw up on the street.”

---

In conclusion, 16 years into her career, you best believe Taylor Swift is definitely still bejeweled, and on Midnights she shimmers more than she ever has, even when touching on long-gone relationships and peering into old wounds, being more vulnerable than she has on projects past. Each album and era seems like her peak, yet she continues to outdo herself in multiple ways. With more Taylor’s Versions on the horizon, hopefully Swift will continue to gain inspiration in various ways as a result of revisiting her old work. But if she doesn’t, we know she’s always got some tricks up her sleeve.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: Taylor Swift is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want, she is the friend that everybody deserves. I don’t know a better person.

#midnights #album review #taylor swift #lavender haze #maroon #anti-hero #snow on the beach #lana del rey #you're on your own kid #yoyok #midnight rain #question...? #question #vigilante shit #bejeweled #labyrinth #karma #sweet nothing #mastermind #the great war #bigger than the whole sky #paris #high infidelity #glitch #would've could've should've #wouldve couldve shouldve #dear reader #hits different

[heyitsani]

Built to Fall Apart

@jaydick-week Day 5: College AU

Word Count: 18,193

Rating: Mature 

Warnings: No actual smut (but pretty damn vocal about it), slight angst, alluding to possible sexual harassment, and liberal use of the word ‘fuck’

Pairing: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd

Summary: Neither we prepared for what it would mean to fall so hard, so quickly. And then to have it all taken away in the briefest of moments

Notes: Listen. I'm sorry okay? I'm back on my Taylor Swift bullshit. But she's got some catchy tunes and I am forever inspired by her lyrics. Blame Mel, she always encourages it. 

Not edited because I'm lazy. I'll eventually stop being lazy, okay?

You can also read this on AO3 here

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“Yo Dickie! Where you at?!”

Dick snickered at the familiar nickname from Wally as he likely walked from room to room in this hallway trying to find the dorm Dick had been assigned. He glanced over at Donna as she lounged on his bed, smirk lifting one side of her painted red mouth.

“You going to let him know where you are?” She drawled, stretching out further on his bed and Dick just grinned at her. “One day he’s going to get his revenge for all the shit you’ve put him through over the years.”

Shrugging a shoulder, Dick turned and leaned against the dresser as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve been saying that for ten years and yet here we are.” She gave him a knowing look before a clatter sounded outside his door and it flew open. Looking away from Donna, Dick took in a redhead that was not his redhead crowding his doorway. “Hi,” he said slowly, looking over the guy ladened down with bags.

“Hey,” the guy said as he stepped in and dropped all his stuff on the unoccupied bed. “I’m Roy.”

Dick glanced over at Donna, who shrugged before standing from the bed. “I’m Dick. Is there something I can help you with?” As far as he knew he wasn’t supposed to have a roommate. Though, that had been true as of a week ago when the school had given him his dorm assignment. They had said there was a chance it might change, but they’d let him know.

“I got a few more bags down on the curb if you wanna help?” Dick just stared at the guy. The more silence that passed between them, the stormier the man looked. Dick was still waiting for him to explain what exactly he was doing in the room, but nothing came. Exchanging a look with Donna, Dick went to ask but Roy beat him to it. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“There you are!” A jubilant voice shouted from the doorway. Dick didn’t bother looking over at Wally and just held up his hands to pacify Roy.

“Nothing, man. I just wasn’t aware that I had a roommate,” he explained, hoping that the man wasn’t about to start their semester off with hating him. Roy kept his eyes narrowed on Dick for a moment before slowly, ever so slowly, his expression turned back into one that was more neutral. “I’ll help you with those bags,” he offered, hoping to pacify the situation further. “Oh,” he glanced at his two friends, “this is Donna and Wally, by the way. Don’t mind him-” he tried to warn Roy before Wally threw his arms around Roy and gave the other redhead a tight hug. “He has no idea what boundaries are,” Dick said flatly, giving Wally a stare that told him to stop.

Donna chuckled and held out a hand to Roy, which he shook with a small smile, before she grabbed the collar of Wally’s shirt. “We’ll see you down at the café in an hour, Dick. I’m sure this idiot has neglected to meet his own roommate. And Tim said he wanted to have lunch with you after you got unpacked. I’ll call him.” Wally let out a loud squawk in complaint as Donna practically manhandled Wally out of the room and left him and Roy alone in their door. “One hour,” Donna’s head popped back it with narrowed eyes on Dick. “Bring Roy,” she smiled at the man again before vanishing for good.

“Sorry about that,” Dick shrugged. “Wally is basically harmless, and Donna is…” he pressed his lips together and tried to think of a good way to put it but came up short. There was no real way to describe his best friend since childhood. She had been a force to be reckoned with when they were toddlers and she only got worse when they hit puberty. He pitied the person who tried to go toe-to-toe with her.

“She’s a snake in the grass?”

“I’d never say that to her face. She’ll think you’re flirting with her,” Dick laughed, and Roy raised a brow. “She’s not the girl next door. She has made grown men cry and I pity the person who thinks they might be able to tame her.” Dick knew he wasn’t doing the woman justice, but it was better to scare of any guys who might think she’s fair game. Or that they might have a chance. He’d seen it too many times. “Plus, men are just tools to get her what she wants.”

“I have a girlfriend.”

Dick raised his brows and nodded. “Cool,” he said, gesturing to the door so they could get the bags Roy had said were still down on the curb. But he stopped short when he went to follow and found Roy had stopped in the doorway.

“Thanks man!” Roy’s voice had turned from the suspicious neutral tone to something much more friendly and warm, causing Dick to take a step back and try to figure out what the hell had just happened. He sounded like a completely different person, and he needed to know who it was that could elicit such a change. Pushing up on his toes, Dick tried to see the person on the other side of Roy, but his new roommate was large enough to block the majority of the doorway. So he waited for Roy to turn, bags in hand and come back into the room.

Then Dick saw him.

Dark curls with a streak of white front and center, sat in a mop on top sun kissed and freckled skin that held turquoise eyes and full lips that had pulled into a friendly smile for Roy. A strong neck gave way to a wide set of shoulders, a broad chest, and slim waist. But that was nothing when compared to the thick thighs incased in a pair of joggers, short circuiting Dick’s brain completely. His mind immediately filled with images of himself seated on those thighs, arms wrapped around the man’s shoulders, sweat trickling down both their backs, moans breathed into each other’s mouths.

“Oh,” the man’s deep baritone said, gaze finally catching on Dick standing there like an idiot.

“Hi,” Dick breathed, unable to articulate anything more.

“Seriously?” Roy’s voice broke through Dick’s haze, and he glanced over at the man who now looked annoyed, but also amused. “You’re a dick chaser with a name like Dick?”

Dick’s mouth opened and he blinked, glancing at the newcomer briefly. “I don’t actually discriminate,” he admitted. The man let out a snort and Dick looked over at him in time to see his eyes working its way back up his body. Dick tried not to preen under the appreciative gaze. He knew he was a good-looking man. He had a very extensive workout routine that toned and sculpted him in all the best ways.

“Whatever, Jay likes dick anyway,” Roy waved a hand at his friend. Jay, apparently. “Jason this is Dick, my roommate. Dick, this is Jason, my idiot best friend.” Holding a hand out, Dick tried not to react when the warm palm slid into his and gripped his hand tightly in a firm shake. He tried to force his mind to push out what that hand would feel like squeezing other parts of him. And the flush on Jason’s cheeks told him he was likely having the same thoughts.

Dick cleared his throat and pulled his hand out of Jason’s grip, walking over to his bed and dropping down on top of it. “So where are you two from?” He asked curiously.

“I’m from Star City,” Roy said as he opened his bags on his own bed and began shoving things into drawers. “Jay’s from Gotham.” Dick raised a brow at that revelation. “Let me guess, you’re born and bred LA?”

Dick opened his mouth to speak but Jason cut him off. “Don’t be a jackass, Roy,” the man said. Dick could hear the Gotham accent bleed through, a street accent and it made Dick want to listen to him for hours.

“Actually, I didn’t have a home city until about four years ago when my brother and I did actually settle here in LA,” Dick offered, shoulder shrugging. He didn’t bother getting into why that was, mostly because he hated talking about the loss of his parents, but he also didn’t want these virtual strangers to pity him.

“Orphan?” Jason’s voice broke through his thoughts. Dick looked him, something familiar in his eyes. With a silent nod, Dick answered him. “Yeah, me too. Not as recent, but when I was eight.” Dick wasn’t really sure what to say to that, not wanting Jason to think he felt sorry for the other man. Mostly because he hated it when people felt sorry for him because of what happened to his parents, but also because he didn’t enjoy kinship in this situation. He didn’t want to connect to a man he was so obviously attracted to because of their tragic pasts.

“Most orphans aren’t as lucky as Jay though,” Roy broke into the conversation. “He was adopted by the all-powerful Bruce Wayne.” Eying Roy, Dick tried to figure out if the man was pulling his leg or not. With a flick of his eyes, he looked back to Jason who just shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Enough about Jay though. I want to know how you didn’t have a home city growing up?”

Heaving a sigh, Dick readied himself for an onslaught of questions. “My parents, brother, and I were part of a traveling circus act. Trapeze artist,” he explained. “We traveled with Haly’s Circus until an…accident,” he said, trying to make it clear he didn’t want to talk about that, “and then Tim and I went through all the legal hoops to get him custody of me and settled here in LA.”

“Wait,” Jason took a step toward him and squinted at the posted Dick had framed and already hanging above his bed. “You used to come to Gotham. Bruce took Damian and I to see the circus a few times. I remember you all. The Flying Graysons,” he gestured to the poster. Dick just nodded. “I was twelve the last time I saw you but you four were amazing. You were supposed to come back a few years later but…” Something seemed to click in Jason’s memory and Dick steeled himself for the revelation. “Damn.”

There was silence and Dick didn’t bother saying anything.

“Damn what?” Roy looked between the two of them before settling on Jason. “What?”

But Jason just shook his head and looked at Roy. “Nothing, man. Let’s go get some food, I’m starved. You want to come, Dick?”

“I’m actually supposed to meet my brother and friends. They invited Roy to come along if you want to join us instead?” Dick offered as his phone let out a trill, alerting him to a text that was likely from Donna or Tim. “They’re at the café just down the block.” He looked at Jason and Roy, who exchanged some kind of silent conversation before Jason looked back to Dick and smiled.

“Yeah, man. That’d be great.”

Dick looked at his phone, typed out a quick reply to Tim saying he was on his way and that he had two people coming with him, before jumping up from his bed.

~**~

Dick put his feet up on the dashboard of Tim’s car as Jason drove them down the highway toward San Diego where they were spending the long weekend on the beach with Donna, Wally, and Roy. He knew his brother would throw a fit if he saw Dick’s feet up there, but since Tim wasn’t there Dick did it.

“Get your feet off the dash,” Jason scolded, sending him a narrow eyed look. Dick just laughed and let his feet drop. “So disrespectful. I don’t know Tim very well, but you can’t convince me he’d allow that.”

“There’d be vague threats about cutting off my feet at the ankles,” Dick smiled brightly at Jason before turning his eyes out the widow next o him. “I can’t believe you convinced him to let you drive this car. It went into storage when my parents adopted him and he left it there until two years ago when Connor begged to fix it up. Now he rarely lets anyone drive it.”

“I can’t believe he had a classic Ferrari stored away. This is a thing of beauty and should be worshiped.”

Dick rolled his eyes.

“I will forever worship your brother for allowing me to drive it.”

“You’re a dork, you know that right? It’s a car.”

Jason snorted. “And that is why he has never allowed you to drive it. You don’t have any appreciation for this machine. You put your goddamn feet on the dash.”

“Actually,” Dick smirked, “I’m not allowed because I don’t have a driver’s license.” Jason jerked, eyes wide glancing at him as he tried to keep his focus on the road at the same time. “What? I don’t have a car and I don’t plan on getting one. It’s better for the environment when people take public transport.”

The car was quiet except for the music coming through the surprisingly modern radio that Conner had put in. Dick knew people judged him for not knowing how to drive, but he honestly didn’t see the need for it. He didn’t have a car, so what would the purpose of it be?

“You never wanted to just hop in a car and get away from everything?”

Dick thought about the idea and shrugged. “I think that our lives have been very similar but very different. I’ve never had the pressures you must have with who your dad is. For me, getting away from Tim would be devastating. He’s who I go to when I need to get away from things. He’s my best friend.”

“Don’t tell Wally that.”

“Wally thinks he’s second fiddle to Donna and she’s not dense enough to believe she comes before my brother.” Jason nodded. “Is Damian not your best friend aside from Roy?”

Jason was quiet and Dick watched his profile while he drove, wondering what was going through his head right then. The thoughts he was sorting before he answered Dick. He was so beautiful when he was thoughtful. How many times had he caught himself staring at the man over the past two months, wondering what was going on in his brain? How many times had he just come to an absolute halt of thought by his smile? Dick couldn’t say. All he knew was that he wanted to stare at him all the time. He didn’t think he’d ever tire of it.

Now if only he could figure out if Jason felt the same way.

“Damian and I have a complicated relationship. Not a bad one,” he quickly explained. “It’s just not what you and Tim have. We didn’t have to solely depend on each other the way you two did. And he left for college right when I was being adopted. It put a bit of a cloud over our heads, I guess you could say.” Dick frowned. He couldn’t image not being close to Tim. Even before their parents had died, Tim had been his best friend. “I love my brother and I always will, but we are very different.”

Dick kept his eyes on Jason’s profile as he tossed the words around in his head. He considered the small glimpses he had gotten from Roy and Jason in regard to Damian Wayne. He thought about what Google had shown him when he had looked up the entire Wayne family one night, weeks ago, curiosity getting the better of him. Damian was said to be a very stoic person, focused and driven, but not particularly friendly. The press knew he was serious and very good at business, but terrible with the public. He wondered if that was the reason Jason seemed to be much better with people than what the press said about Damian. Had Bruce Wayne made it a point to groom Jason to be better for PR?

“Fuck,” Jason muttered, eyes narrowing at the road. Dick sat up straight and looked forward to see what had caught Jason’s attention as he felt the car slow down to a stop. Brake lights. Frowning, Dick pulled out his phone and checked maps to see what was going on. “What does it say?”

“Nothing good,” Dick sighed. Dialing Donna, he put the phone on speaker.

“What’s up Dickie? You two almost here?”

“No, we’re about twenty miles out and the road is closed. We don’t even have a detour road.”

“I’m pulling up the map now.” There was a pause and Dick moved around the map to see the closest side road or anything that would get them to the Air BnB they had rented. Nothing. All that was showing up between here and the off ramp they should be taking was a hotel. “Fuck. The reports are saying they won’t reopen until tomorrow. Something damaged the road itself.”

Dick looked at Jason who was already looking at him. The man shrugged, brows raised as if to as ‘what do we do?’ and Dick shook his head.

“Looks like you’re not far from a hotel. I’ll call them and get you a room. You guys can come out when they reopen the road tomorrow.”

“But now I’m gonna miss Wally’s BBQ,” Dick whined, dropping his head back onto the headrest of the car. “He only does it on special occasions,” he explained to Jason when he made a questioning sound. “It’s better than sex.” He smirked when Jason choked on his own spit.

“Jesus Dick,” Donna laughed. “Don’t kill your driver.”

Dick just snickered and looked out at the road.

“Looks like they’re turning around the cars not willing to just park it for the night,” Jason changed the subject back to the situation at hand. Dick just smiled. “Put it under my name, Donna. I’ll have Dick send you a picture of my card to put it down on.”

“Daddy Wayne’s money comes in handy, huh?” Jason laughed and Dick watched him lean to the side to pull out his wallet from his back pocket. Taking the offered object, Dick opened it up and stared.

“You have like seven cards in here. Which one?”

“The black one,” Jason huffed, looking a bit uncomfortable. It wasn’t until Dick’s fingers touched the cool metal of the card that he understood. But instead of making it worse, Dick simply pulled it out and sent the pictures off to Donna.

He looked at Jason, not surprised to find him watching Dick warily, as he handed the wallet back. Dick just gave him a small smile without saying anything. Jason’s gaze turned grateful and Dick felt that warm feeling in his chest bloom even more.

“I’ll get it booked and let you know. Drive safe.”

“Thanks Donna,” Jason called out.

“Yeah, thanks Wonder Girl.”

“Behave, Boy Wonder.” Dick’s eyes rolled as he ended the call and leaned back, looking back over to Jason.

“What?”

“Why do you two call each other that?” Pursing his lips, Dick tried to think of when they first called each other by those terms of endearment but he was struggling to come up with a date. Or general time. “Do you not remember?”

“I don’t,” Dick admitted. “I’ve known Donna since before my parents died. Her aunt, Diana, knew my mom from childhood. So when she came to live with Diana, Donna and I naturally got to know each other. Each year, when the circus came through their town, we would stay with them. I don’t remember the first time she called me Boy Wonder, but she was first. I do remember that.”

“And Wally? You both call him Kid Flash.”

Dick snorted. “Because he used to shovel his food in faster than the speed of light.” Dick remembered the first time Donna had introduced him to the skinny redhead. He had immediately liked Wally. And when Donna had told him about the kid’s homelife, Dick had liked him even more. If he could still be carefree and happy with a dad like that, then he was all right in Dick’s books.

“You and your friends are weird.”

“They’re your friends now too, buddy.”

Jason huffed, “Don’t remind me.” Dick just laughed.

~**~

By the time they finally made it to the hotel, Dick had polished off their road snacks and was complaining that this place better have food. Jason found himself agreeing, although a lot less vocally, as they pulled into the parking lot and sighed. The sun was just starting to set over the ocean they could see in the distance and Jason was tired. Who knew sitting in traffic could be exhausting.

The pair of them grabbed their bags and headed inside so Jason could get them checked in. Dick was his usual friendly self with the staff, chatting as Jason handed over his card and signed the papers needed. He watched the man with a bit of awe on how he could be so good with people. Jason knew he had skills with the public, knew how to be social and impress people, but Dick was on a whole other level. He walked into a room and the charm he bled into the air around him attracted all kinds of attention.

Some of that attention good. Some of it questionable. Like the look the desk agent was giving him as Dick prattled on about Wally’s BBQ, of all things. The woman looked like she would strip down right then and there if he asked.

Fuck’s sake.

“Are we good?” Jason asked, voice gruff and annoyed. He couldn’t watch this anymore. Dick turned wide eyes on him and Jason felt a little bad for sounding like he was in a terrible mood. He wasn’t, he just didn’t like having to watch this woman drool over the man he wanted. The man he had wanted since he saw him standing in Roy’s room on move in day.

“Oh, yes! Here are your keys,” the woman said sweetly, handing them to Dick and ignoring Jason. “If you need anything at all, please call down. My name is Callie.” Dick smiled, thanked her, and took the keys before turning to Jason.

The moment they had turned to head to the elevator, Dick wrapped his arm around Jason’s and moved in as close as possible. “Get me away from her, for the love of god,” Dick whispered, and Jason breathed a sigh of relief. It was an act.

“I’ll save you, Boy Wonder,” Jason said quietly, tilting his head down to Dick’s. He could see Callie watching them out of the corner of his eye and was satisfied to find her scowling. So to drive the point home that Dick was not interested, Jason pulled his arm free from Dick’s and wrapped it around the other man’s shoulders instead. He tensed for just a moment when Dick responded by wrapping his arm around Jason’s waist and slipping his hand into the back pocket of his jeans, fingers pressing in a delicious pressure.

They stood like that, waiting for the elevator, and Jason couldn’t help but think about how much he wished the fabric separating Dick’s hand from his ass was gone.

He shook that thought out of his mind the moment the elevator dinged, and they stepped on. He sent a smirk to the still scowling Callie as he pressed the button to take them to their floor.

“You’re incorrigible,” Dick laughed when the door shut and they moved to put some space between them. Jason leaned against the wall of the elevator, watching Dick look out the glass window to the unmarred view of the ocean beyond the hotel grounds. “It’s so beautiful. I hope we get this view.” Jason glanced out the window and had to agree. The sun turning the sky orange and pink over the sparkling water was quite breathtaking. But it wasn’t as breathtaking as seeing Dick bathed in that same light.

“You’re beautiful,” Jason felt the words slip from his mouth before he had the chance to contain them. He wasn’t sure what made him say it, but the look on Dick’s face told him it was the right thing to say. Golden cheeks flushed prettily, and Jason wanted to reach out and touch them, see if they were as warm as they looked.

He wanted to kiss Dick Grayson. He had never wanted anything more.

“Jay…”

Dick gave him that smile, the small soft one that Jason had only ever seen in private when he had said or done something just for Dick, and Jason knew he was a goner. Forever. There was no way that anyone else in the entire world could make him feel this way. So completely and utterly lost in them. Jason wanted to lose himself to this man.

The ding of their floor arrival jolted both of them and Jason blinked, turning to the opening doors. He smiled at the elderly couple waiting to get one and stood aside so Dick could exit first, following him immediately. He walked closely behind Dick as he headed for their room at the end of the hallway. Stood as close as he could manage as Dick unlocked the door and pushed it open. Smiled down at Dick when he looked over his shoulder before stepping into the room that was probably costing Bruce a pretty penny, given the size and luxury.

The door clicked shut behind him and Jason let his eyes scan the room.

“Oh,” Dick said softly. Jason looked over at him and paused, noticing what had caught his attention. “Guess we’re sharing tonight.”

Jason felt his entire body light up.

He didn’t care about anything else right then. He dropped his bag to the floor and closed the distance between them, throwing all caution to the wind as he cradled Dick’s face in his hands and finally gave into his desire to kiss him.

Nothing had ever felt as right as this moment. He had planned to find the chance to tell Dick how he felt at some point this weekend, knowing he would chicken out if they were back on campus, and this had seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Dick’s quiet moan and hands gripping Jason’s shirt told him all he needed to know about whether it was the right choice. Their bodies slotted together more perfectly than anything Jason had ever experienced. He had kissed his fair share of boys over the years, but none of them felt like this. None of them made him feel like his core had become molten lava and would burn him from the inside out. None of them had fit so perfectly against him that it just stroked his desire even more.

Without bothering to question himself, Jason walked Dick backward to the waiting bed. He bent, keeping their lips and tongues moving together as Dick fell into a seated position on the bed. Jason’s hand moved from Dick’s face to press into the plush mattress on either side of Dick’s hips, slipping between his legs as they opened for him.

His mind raced with all the things he wanted to do in that very moment and was just about to reach for Dick’s shirt when the annoying sound of Dick’s phone ringing filled the space. Jason pulled back, considering telling Dick to ignore it, but he knew that ringtone.

“Hey Don,” Dick said breathlessly, making Jason smile slow and wicked. Instead of moving away, Jason slid his lips down Dick’s cheek and latched onto the skin of his neck. He took pride in the sharp gasp Dick let out when his teeth sunk into the skin he had just been sucking on. “What? Sorry Don, I…” Dick panted as Jason pushed him back into the mattress and slipped his hands under his tank top. “I gotta go. No, I-fuck,” he moaned when Jason pinched a nipple to try and get him to end the call.

“Get it, Boy Wonder,” Jason heard Donna’s laughing voice over the line as the hand holding Dick’s phone dropped to the bed and he released it to grab at the comforter. “He likes tongue!” Came one last shout before the line dropped and Jason just pushed the phone off the bed.

“Tongue, huh?” Jason muttered against Dick’s throat. He let his run down to the exposed collar bone, nipping at the bone before pulling back just enough to push Dick’s shirt up the rest of the way, whipping it over his head and tossing it somewhere behind him. Jason’s eyes were immediately drawn to the way Dick’s chest expanded and compressed with each panting breath. Skin dusted in gold and the occasional freckle and mole. It made his mouth water with the desire to claim every inch of skin. He wanted to leave marks all over Dick, so no one would ever look at him and think they stood a chance. “Dick, fuck. I’ve wanted this since I first saw you. But I need to make sure this isn’t just a fuck. I want you. All of you.”

Dick’s sapphire eyes opened, and he held Jason’s gaze, eyes speaking volumes. But it wasn’t enough, Jason needed to hear it. He needed Dick to say it. “I want all of you. This is…it isn’t just a fuck.” Dick pushed up on his elbows and Jason’s gaze slipped to his full lips for a moment before looking back to those eyes that drew him in like a moth to the flame. “I want you to fuck me, let me make that clear. I want that. But I want this too,” he spoke quietly, lifting a hand to press it right over Jason’s pounding heart.

And Jason felt his heart rate increase at the gentle press of Dick’s hand.

“You have it,” Jason whispered, covering Dick’s hand with his own.

~**~

“Hey just a heads up, my brother…he’s,” Jason sighed and pulled Dick to a stop to try and think of the right way to describe Damian. He knew his brother was a lot to handle for a lot of people, but Jason also knew Dick wasn’t exactly most people. He seemed to have a natural talent for making people fall in love with him. Maybe not the same way Jason had fallen, but in their own ways they always fell. He wasn’t sure if Damian would be the same story, he never fell for anyone, but if anyone could do it Dick was the one. “He’s just a little old fashioned and stuffy, I guess. He’s kind of like the opposite of Tim.”

Dick’s head tilted to the side in a motion that made Jason want to grip his face and fuse their lips together for the next hour, but instead he just waited and clung to Dick’s hand. “I’m Mr. Charming,” Dick said, smile brilliant. “I’m sure I can handle him.”

“I’m sure you can too, just wanted to give a warning.”

Dick just laughed and linked their arms before tugging him forward to continue their walk to the restaurant where Damian was undoubtedly waiting. The man had probably shown up thirty minutes early. Jason himself had insisted that he and Dick show up fifteen minutes just because his brother was such a stickler for being early to everything. And he desperately wanted Dick to make a good first impression. Which was why he had asked Donna to have a say in what the man wore. Though he had been surprised when she sent the text that said Dick had picked everything out himself after Jason had picked him up, finding him in a pair of dark jeans, lilac button up, and black blazer. It was proper, but it was still very much Dick’s style.

Jason loved him a little more for it.

“Jason,” a deep voice greeted him as they stepped into the bistro downtown that Damian had decided on for this meeting. It was classy enough for the Wayne exec but casual enough for someone like Dick who attracted wealth but didn’t enjoy it.

“Damian,” Jason smiled at his brother, releasing Dick so he could give the man a hug. “Thanks for coming,” he said quietly so just Damian could hear, before releasing him and turning to face Dick. “This is Dick Grayson, my boyfriend. Dick, this is Damian my older brother.” He had explained to Dick already how Damian was Bruce’s actual son and that Jason had been adopted when Damian was a teenager getting ready to go to university. It had been an issue between the two when they had been younger, Damian feeling as though Jason had been a replacement, until he realized that that was just Damian’s insecurities showing.

It had taken a while for them to really become brothers after that, but Jason could say with certainty that there was no one who loved as fiercely as his brother did. Once you were under his umbrella, there was very little you could do to get out from under it. He hoped Dick found himself there as well.

Dick, with a broad smile, deflected Damian’s hand and wrapped the man in a hug that Jason had known was coming and felt no need to warn his brother about. Because seeing stiff-nosed Damian undone by someone like Dick Grayson was something Jason had been dreaming of for years.

“It’s so great to meet you, Damian!” Dick released the man and grinned over at Jason before looking back to Damian. “Jay has told me so much about you, I feel like I already know you. Tell me all the embarrassing stories you have about your brother.”

And there it was.

Damian turned amused eyes on Jason, and he, in turn, gave his brother a warning glare.  

“Let me tell you about the time Jason decided to become a beekeeper in his junior year of high school…” Jason groaned as Damian launched into the story while they were led to their private table in the back.

By the time they were leaving the restaurant, Dick had Damian listening intently to a story of when Dick’s parents had still been alive, and they were part of the circus act. Jason didn’t think he had ever seen his brother so involved in a conversation before. But Dick had pulled the man in with both hands and now Damian was just as lost to his charm as every single person in Dick’s orbit. He had watched just ordinary people fall for it all before, but he knew his brother and to watch this happen? Jason was convinced Dick had some kind of superhuman ability.

“Are you heading back to Gotham today?” Dick asked as the three of them stepped into the sun of the mid-afternoon hour. “Or do you go back tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid I have a flight this evening.” Dick frowned and Jason wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I had a wonderful time, Richard. I am very glad someone as bright as you has found his way into my ruffian little brother’s life.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “How old are you?” He teased, smirking at Damian’s glare. “Call when you land?”

“Certainly,” Damian confirmed before Dick had him wrapped up in another hug. And to Jason’s surprise, Damian’s arms came around and returned the embrace. He wasn’t sure he had seen Damian hug anyone that wasn’t their father, Alfred, or Jason ever. He knew Dick had made a good impression, but he hadn’t expected it to be this good.

“Have a safe flight! Hopefully next time you can plan for a bit of a longer stay.” Dick pulled back and went back into Jason’s arms, Damian smiling at the pair with a nod. The three of them were distracted when a sleek black car pulled up along side them and parked before the driver stepped out and greeted Damian.

“Call Father, Jason. You don’t call him enough.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” he sighed, stepping forward to give his brother a brief hug before the man gave them one last nod and slipped into the opened backseat of the car. He and Dick stood in their spot until the car had pulled away and headed down the street. “That was amazing,” Jason said, turning to look down at Dick.

Dick’s brow raised. “What was?”

“The way you charmed my brother! I’ve never seen him hug someone who wasn’t family before! He doesn’t even hug his…Jon where I can see.” Dick just shrugged a shoulder and grabbed Jason’s hand.

“I liked him. He was very posh and proper,” Dick said, tugging Jason to walk with him. “But he was very interesting. And he had some great stories.” Dick’s smile turned playful with a hint of evil and Jason narrowed his eyes. “Donna is going to die hearing some of those.”

“Don’t you dare!” Jason yelled as Dick released his hand and shot off toward campus. Dick let out a squeal of laughter as he darted out of reach and ran faster.

~**~

Dick was just stepping out of the guest room bathroom, a towel wrapped firmly around his waist and another rubbing as much water out of his hair as possible, when he found himself being pushed back against the counter. He had enough time to let out a confused sound when Jason’s mouth covered his own. The towel for his hair was soon forgotten and the one around his waist parted easily as Jason lifted him by his hips so he was seated on the marble, legs separating so Jason could slot himself between them.

“Jay wha-” Dick tried to ask before it broke off into a moan when Jason’s teeth sunk into the flesh on his throat and his head fell back to open up the area for more of Jason’s attention. He clung to Jason, at his mercy as the man continued to suck, bite, and lick his way over Dick’s throat. They hadn’t had a moment where they felt safe enough to do this since coming to spend the week after they had finished for the summer with Tim and his husband, but apparently Jason had gotten tired of refraining.

But then Dick remembered why they had been holding off.

Pushing at Jason, panting and trying to adjust the towel to cover himself, he caught Jason’s eye. “Tim is home,” he breathed, chest heaving as he hoped to remind Jason of the thin walls and lack of lock on the door. Jason shook his head and Dick frowned. “What?”

“Date night. Conner got off work early and picked him up ten minutes ago, saying they wouldn’t be home until after midnight.” Dick’s eyes went wide with the implication of that. They were alone. Truly alone for hours. “Now stop pushing me away and let me fuck you. Been teasing me with all that fucking skin on display in this LA heat,” Jason muttered against Dick’s lips, pulling his towel open with a firm tug.

Dick sucked in a sharp breath, whether from the blast of cool air or Jason’s fingers wrapping around his half hard cock, he couldn’t really say. He could say that he didn’t really care either way. Not when Jason tugged on him in that way he knew got Dick teetering on the edge way too quickly. Not when Jason’s other hand was sliding along his back, dipping fingertips into the crease of his ass hinting what was to come.

They finally made their way to the kitchen to figure out some food after two hours of making up for all the lost time from the first five days of their trip. Dick pulled himself up on the kitchen counter by the sink as Jason dug through the fridge in hopes of something to throw together. When he let out a frustrated sigh, Dick nudged the drawer under him open and pulled out a handful of takeout menus.

“How did you know those were there?” Jason asked as he took them and flipped through the options.

“Timmy and I weren’t good in the kitchen at first,” Dick admitted. Jason looked up at him and Dick knew he was curious since Dick didn’t really talk about the time at home after their parents had died. Just little hints here and there. But there was something about being home with Tim again that made him want to tell Jason about it. The good and the bad. “We ate a lot of takeout in the first year or so, until I started watching videos and making meals along side them. Then Tim tried too. After that it was rare for us to order food, but the habit remained. Stack of menus, in the drawer closest to the sink.”

Jason put the menus down next to Dick’s hip and stood between his legs. “Your parents didn’t teach you?”

Dick shook his head. “In the circus, we had a cook who prepared group meals. Ma would make us her special lemon cake for each of our birthdays that was a Romani tradition, but other than that neither of them ever had to cook,” he explained. He smiled down at Jason, feeling that familiar ache in his chest at the mention of his parents. But Jason seemed to know and just took up one of his hands, kissing it softly.

“Wait,” Jason frowned. “The lemon cake you make me?” Dick nodded. “Why didn’t you ever say that was a family custom?”

He shrugged, frowning. “Does it matter? It was just a little something. Nothing big.”

“Of course it matters, Dickie. That’s really big. Does Tim know you do that?”

“Sure, but it’s not a big deal. It’s just a lemon cake.”

“But you don’t make it for Donna or Wally.”

“I love them both like they’re family, but it’s a different kind of family,” Dick explained. “Tim makes it for Conner.” He wasn’t quite ready to admit that it was a custom with his family to make it for someone who you wanted to keep in your heart forever. Partners in everything. He and Jason had been together for over two years, but they were still young. He didn’t want to push something like forever on Jason when they still had so much of their lives ahead of them.

But Jason seemed to know because warm hands pressed into his cheeks and Dick was staring into turquoise eyes that held nothing but silent understanding. He didn’t need to tell Jason because he already knew, and he accepted it.

Leaning forward, Dick pressed his forehead into Jason’s and closed his eyes. They were in his home with Tim, but being right there with Jason was his true home. The same warmth that he felt when he laid in Tim’s bed, watching crap movies and laughing with his brother. The same warmth he had felt in his parents arms before they died. That was the warmth he felt with Jason. This headstrong, overprotective, gentle man that had just appeared in his doorway with yet another redhead for Dick to add to his life was the epitome of what Dick thought home should be.

~**~

Sliding up behind Dick as he rinsed their dishes, Jason wrapped his arms around his waist. When Dick had proposed the idea of spending their summer together and splitting it half with Tim in LA and half in Gotham, Jason had immediately said yes. The previous summer had sucked, the distance between them taking all of the fun out of the entire break. He hadn’t wanted to go through that again and was so glad Dick had come up with the solution he had managed to overlook. His dad had seemed a little annoyed that Jason wouldn’t be home the entire break, but with the help of Damian he had accepted that at least he was getting his son for some of the break. The only downside was Alfred would be gone for the time he was home, visiting family back in the UK.

“I love you,” he muttered, lips pressed into the skin of Dick’s neck. He felt the soft release of breath through the movement of Dick’s back at the words and tightened his arms around the other man’s waist. The water shut off and Jason didn’t bother lifting his head from Dick’s neck as the man tugged of the rubber gloves he used while washing this dishes, even though Jason had teased him immediately for it.

He didn’t move until Dick twisted in his arms and faced him. He looked down at the man in his arms, wondering how the hell he had managed to get so lucky. He must have been a great person in a past life to be given to a man as wonderful as Dick Grayson. He would do it a million times over if it would allow him to keep him too.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Jason smiled. “Because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so thankful to whoever it was that set you in my path.” Dick smiled that special smile for him and slid his hands up Jason’s arms, wrapping them around his neck.

They stood there swaying slightly to the song coming out of the speakers set up throughout the entire house, a slower melody that Jason couldn’t name if you held a gun to his head. But he didn’t care. He just wanted to bask in his time with Dick. He just wanted to be there with him.

“You’re a cheeseball, you know that right?” Jason chuckled and Dick just grinned. The song changed. “Dance with me,” he said, releasing Jason and grabbing his hand to move to the more upbeat song that now played.

Jason shook his head in amusement, but let Dick move them around the kitchen to the beat of the song. He pulled Dick’s back to his chest, hand slipping into the waistband of his low slung sweats, as they moved together.

“Jason Todd, you rascal,” Dick chided him, a smile in his voice.

“What can I say? You are entirely too temping and earlier wasn’t nearly enough to fully satisfy my cravings for you,” he whispered into Dick’s ear.

Suddenly Dick was out of his arms and rushing down the hallway, calling over his shoulder, “Then come take your fill!”

Jason didn’t hesitate to chase him down the hallway.

~**~

Jason had been sitting at his desk typing up the last few pages of his final paper for his business communications class when the text had come through. He had even ignored it at first to finish the paragraph he had been writing. But when three more alerts pinged, he figured whoever it was didn’t want to be ignored any longer.

So he clicked save and opened his phone to see why Roy was suddenly bombarding him.

Tell Dick I said congrats!

I assume he’s with you.

You better not be ignoring me to celebrate his job offer.

Bastard.

Job offer.

Jason had no idea what he was supposed to do with that information. He hadn’t known Dick was even going through an interview process, but he apparently had because he was getting offers. He scanned his memory to see if he had just missed it because that was a big deal. Graduation was just a month away and he should have been thinking about what that would mean for Dick’s career.

For him, it was simple. There was a job waiting for him at Wayne Enterprises and he was looking forward to heading the charity department. Bruce had been holding that role for him the past four years, filling in while Jason got his degree so people couldn’t say he had done no work to get the job. But it had always been his plan and he had never been quite about it. So why hadn’t he even thought about what Dick would do once they graduated. Had he just assumed the other man would follow him to Gotham?

But he didn’t think he had.

But he also hadn’t talked to Dick about it either. So maybe he subconsciously had made that assumption. Especially since Dick had never brought it up. At least not that he could remember. The last year had been a bit of a blur between both of their classes consuming more and more of their time. Dick’s internship with Google taking up even more of it. They had been busy and Jason honestly was struggling to come up with a time that they’ve sat down and talked about anything serious the past six months.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and he robotically got up to pull it open.

He wasn’t surprised to find Dick there.

He was surprised to find an uncertain look on his face.

“Dickie,” Jason smiled, reaching for the other man’s waist and tugging him into the room before shutting the door. He leaned down for a kiss but found his lips hitting Dick’s cheek instead of his mouth like Jason had planned. “You okay?”

Dick just nodded and skirted around him to move further into the room. Every movement was setting off alarm bells in his mind and Jason felt a cold fist of worry squeeze his heart in that moment. Something was wrong. Either Dick had done something he knew Jason wouldn’t like or he was worried to tell him about the job offer. Jason wasn’t sure which one he would rather it be. Because if Dick was worried about sharing the news then that meant he was worried how Jason would react.

“Dick?” He tried again to get his boyfriend to look at him. “Is this about the job? Roy said something about you getting an offer.” Dick’s sapphire eyes widened and looked at Jason almost as if he were a deer and Jason had caught him in his headlights. The chill increased.

He watched Dick’s mouth open and close a few times before the man went back to not looking at him.

“You’re starting to worry me, Dick. What’s going on? I didn’t even know you had been interviewing.”

“I wasn’t,” he finally spoke, voice quieter than Jason had ever heard it.

Jason furrowed his brows, confused. “You weren’t? So this job offer just fell in your lap?”

Dick shook his head. “No, not in the way you’re thinking.” But that made no sense. People didn’t just offer jobs to people who they didn’t know. They didn’t give jobs to people without knowing them, talking to them, and seeing what kind of work they could do.

But that was it. There was only one place where Dick could work without interviewing. One place he had been showing his skills and knowledge to over the past year or so.

Jason dropped onto the edge of his bed. “Google?” Dick winced. “But that means…” he couldn’t bring himself to say what that would mean. Google had two locations. LA and Mountain View in the Bay Area. Both of those options were the exact opposite of the part of the country where Jason would be after graduation.

“I haven’t accepted, but Jay,” he paused, sitting on the chair Jason had been sitting in just moments ago, “how can I say no? This job is a dream. I love the company and Public Relations is my strong suit.” It was true. Dick was made for the public. He was good with people, they could make him the face of the company and people would drop to their knees for him. He could talk his way into any kind of deal and make someone give him the world, the whole time convincing them it was their idea. He wasn’t manipulative, just convincing. People just wanted to please him. They wanted to impress him.

“And what about me?”

Dick looked pained and Jason clenched his jaw.

“We could try long distance. There’s been talk about expanding to the east coast. If they do that, I can push for Gotham. I could try and get posted there.”

Jason shook his head. “But they’ve been talking about that expansion for years. Who knows when that would happen and I’m just supposed to sit back and accept something that could maybe one day happen as good enough?” He could feel himself starting to get angry and he hated it. It was rare for him and Dick to really fight over anything. They had had spats over the years but nothing serious. And never had Jason felt anger toward Dick. Annoyance and disappointment. Never anger. “Do I even have a voice here? Or is it just Dick Grayson deciding what’s best for the both of us, my opinion be damned?”

“That’s not fair,” Dick snapped. Good. Jason wanted him to get angry. He wanted a fight. He wanted some sign that maybe this wasn’t as simple as Dick seemed to be making it. “Why should I have to be the one to sacrifice my career goals just because your career has been waiting for you since before you left for college? Not all of us have our daddy to give us a cushy desk job in his family company.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed on the man. Dick knew Bruce and his money was a soft spot for Jason, despite having been a Wayne since he was eight. He still struggled with wanting to feel as though he earned his keep and wasn’t just handed everything on a silver platter. Not that Bruce or Damian would allow for anything less than hard work. But he knew what the world thought. He knew what the employees at the company thought. That’s why getting the degree had been so vital to him. He had to prove he could put in the work and earn his title.

“Some of us have to make our own way after we lost everything.”

“I work my ass off to prove myself every single day. You throw a smile at someone and they’re worshiping at your feet,” Jason threw back. He knew they needed to stop, they needed to back away and take a breath. He had seen Dick’s temper before and he knew the man would fight dirty if he had to. But the fire blazing would not be tempered, and Jason didn’t know how to stop this before it got worse. “I never once lied about what my plans were for after college. I made it clear from that very first lunch where I would end up. Did you even try to find something else? Or did you just think of yourself?”

“Of course I tried to find something else,” Dick exploded, jumping to his feet and glaring at Jason. “I applied to every position I possibly could in Gotham! I even applied to WE. But I have a stack of emails saying I’m not qualified or ‘sorry we’ll keep your resume on file for the future though’. I have spent weeks trying to bring this up to you, to talk to you about all of this, but you were always too focused on anything else. ‘Sorry Dickie, I have a paper due tomorrow’ or ‘Sorry Dickie, pulled an all nighter so I’m gonna crash’.” Jason cringed because it was true. He had been pushing Dick to the side recently because he had been so focused on school that he had let other things slip. “I have been asked so many times if I was okay by Donna or Wally. Hell, even Roy noticed something was wrong. But my own boyfriend couldn’t look away from his damn laptop long enough to see that I was fucking drowning trying to find a solution to a problem you won’t even negotiate on!”

It was true and Jason hated himself because of that. But he wouldn’t let Dick know that. He couldn’t. He was too angry to admit that Dick was probably right. He hadn’t even tried to compromise. He had just assumed that Dick would find a way to come with him. He didn’t even think about the fact that Dick would have to leave behind the home he and Tim had struggled to create for themselves after their parents died.

“Have you even thought about what would happen after we graduate? Have you even considered how I would feel leaving my only living family because of this?” Dick’s voice was strained and Jason could see the tears building in his eyes, the hurt radiating off of him. Jason felt frozen. He had been selfish. But part of his whispered that Dick had never said anything. How was he supposed to know Dick was unhappy if he never said? “Do you have anything to say? Or is this another battle I’m having to fight on my own?”

“You wouldn’t have had to fight it on your own if you had just said something Dick!” Jason spat out his name, anger and defensiveness making it sound like an insult instead of his name. And by the way Dick jerked back, he had taken it as one. But Jason wouldn’t take it back. He wouldn’t sit here and let Dick lay all the blame on him. He couldn’t. “I can’t read your fucking mind. How am I supposed to know you’re unhappy if you don’t use your big boy words and tell me?”

Dick’s eyes narrowed and a shadow passed over his eyes. And in that moment Jason knew something had changed. He watched his boyfriend slowly stand to his feet, staring at him with those furious eyes and saying nothing more as he made his way to the door.

“Dick,” Jason said as he opened the door, standing to try and stop whatever this was Dick was doing.

“Don’t worry about having to try and read my mind anymore. I’m no longer your problem,” Dick said, back to Jason, before he walked out into the hallway and shut the door behind him.

Jason stood there, frozen, staring at the closed door.

Dick had just broken up with him and all he could do was stand there, knowing they couldn’t come back from this.

Three Years Later

“Is there no chance they’ll be delivered on time?” Jason asked into the phone as he spun in his chair and looked out the wall of windows in his office, watching the rain pound against the glass and onto everything outside. It had been raining almost nonstop for two day and while he had always enjoyed rainy days, he didn’t enjoy when they coincided with an event he had been planning for months. Especially an event focused on raising funds for impoverished children in Gotham. He had wanted this event to run smoothly, for everything to be perfect, but the universe seemed to have other ideas as she released this downpour on them all.

“Sorry, Mr. Todd-Wayne. The flights from New York have all been cancelled,” the woman from the business he had ordered the decorations from said. “Even if the rain stops in the next hour, I don’t think we would be able to get it on a flight before tomorrow.”

Jason sighed and rubbed the crease between his brows, trying to find a solution for this problem. “What if I hired a truck to drive them?”

There was a pause, some typing, and a whispered request. “Would it give you enough time to get set up? With the rain, the truck would likely arrive in the morning if it got out of the city by late-afternoon today.” Jason did some quick calculating, listing off all the other things that would need to be done after the ballroom was decorated. Could he pull it off? “What if we sent a few extra hands with the decorations? Our people would already know how to set everything up, they would just need to know where.”

“And the cost?”

“Consider it an apology for the situation. Our company loves working with Wayne Enterprises, we don’t want this to blemish our relationship.”

“Camille, the weather is not your fault. We could never blame you for that.” Jason shook his head and turned his chair back around, refreshing his computer to look at how much wiggle room he had in his budget. He did a quick run on the calculator next to his computer, “I can pay three people $25 an hour if you send them.”

“Mr. Todd-Wayne-”

“I won’t have them working for free.”

“We would pay our own people.”

“Give them this as a bonus then. It’s a big ask.”

He heard Camille sigh and he knew he had won. “Let me know when the truck is due to arrive, and I’ll have everything ready to load. Small covered is fine. We have everything packed. I’ll find a few people who can help me out.”

“Thank you, Camille,” Jason smiled into the phone. “I appreciate the extra mile. I’ll call shortly.” There was a goodbye on the other end before Jason hung up his phone and immediately began pulling up truck companies in New York City. He worked quickly to find someone with the right kind of transport and then relayed the information to Camille. By the time he had finished everything, he found he had worked through lunch and a knock on his door told him someone had noticed.

“Jason,” Damian said as he walked into the office. His black suit looked pristine as always, but the green tie he had on had been loosened and Jason frowned at the sight. It was rare for Damian to look anything less than put together when he was in the office. Not even at the end of the day had Jason ever seen his brother without every single hair in place.

“Dames?” He questioned, looking his brother over for some kind of sign that told him what was wrong. “What’s happening?”

Damian frowned back at him before taking a seat on one of the chairs situated on the opposite side of his desk. “I saw the guest list for the gala tomorrow evening.” Jason raised a brow. “Why didn’t you mention Google was sending Richard?”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” Damian raised a brow of his own. “What is going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your tie,” Jason pointed out. Damian looked down and frowned at the loosened knot of his tie before fixing it quickly, perfectly. And just like that, his brother looked exactly as he always did. Polished and fashionable. He looked like the WE CEO that he was raised to be. And if Jason hadn’t seen it happen, he never would have believed Damian’s tie had ever been touched. But he also didn’t know how to really ask his brother without pushing him into a corner that he knew his brother hated. Emotions and Damian didn’t really mix. There were only two people Jason had ever seen his brother able to fully express himself with and that was his Jon and…well, Dick Grayson. “Damian, is it an issue that Dick will be there tomorrow?”

Damian’s green eyes went a little wide and he seemed to freeze in his spot. Almost as if he hadn’t been expecting to be asked that when he had come to Jason’s office to question him about it. And Jason just found himself so confused over what was happening right then. What had his brother been expecting in all of this? Why had his tie fallen askew? Grabbing his cellphone, he shot off a quick text to Jon to ask if the man knew what was going on with his brother.

“There is no issue with his presence,” Damian offered, eyes looking past Jason to the windows behind him. “I just wanted to be sure you would be okay.”

Jason snorted. “Dick and I may have ended our relationship three years ago, but we’re not strangers to each other anymore Dames. Three years is a long time and we’re both adults.”

“But neither of you has moved on from the other.”

Jason didn’t point out that Damian wasn’t exactly an expert on relationships given he didn’t have that inclination. But his heckles rose and begged him to. He hated people pointing out the fallacies in his love life. That he was handsome, successful, and a good man and that meant he shouldn’t be single. It made his temper want to flare hot and rabid. He ignored it and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I can’t speak for Dick, but I’ve been busy.”

Damian looked at him, his eyes narrowed and the all too familiar considering look on his face. Jason hated that look. It only came out when Jason, or anyone, was doing something Damian didn’t understand and didn’t ultimately approve of either. He knew he was in for some kind of lecture. But he was given a distraction when his phone dinged, and he looked down to find a response from Jon.

He’s nervous.

Jason’s brows raised and he looked back to his brother. “Why are you nervous to see Dick?”

“What?” Damian sputtered, brows pinching. “I never said I was nervous. Who are you talking to? Is that Jon?!”

Jason turned off the screen on his phone and looked at his older brother, unimpressed. “Damian.”

“I-” Jason watched Damian shift in his seat, the nervousness he could see clearly now going up a few more notches. Jason wasn’t sure he had ever seen Damian nervous like this. Maybe years ago, when he introduced Jon to him, Bruce, and Alfred. But even then, this was different. “You two were very important to each other while in university. I got used to the idea of him joining our family. Then, very suddenly, he was gone.” The fight that had ended their relationship had taken all of them by surprise, even Jason and Dick. He knew Damian had been confused as to what exactly had happened and until Jason had snapped that there wasn’t going to be a reconciliation, hadn’t believed it was really over. And though Damian had been so upset about the loss, Jason had never really bothered to figure out why.

But he was maybe starting to understand.

“You know I never would have begrudged you if you had wanted to remain in contact with him,” Jason said quietly. He might have been a little annoyed because Damian was his brother after all, but he knew Dick had been one of the very few people Damian found himself really loving.

“I was told that would be…bad form,” Damian told him, and Jason laughed. “Others insisted that it was not done. That it would make it seem as though I was on Richard’s side. Or something along those lines. I didn’t really understand it. Jon told me to talk to you, but that seemed insensitive.”

Jason’s laugh gave way to a chuckle, and he shook his head. “For most people out there, yeah probably. But Dames, you’re not just some random guy. You look at the world very differently than many people. I get that. I wouldn’t care.” It had been difficult to understand, when he had been a teenager, that his older brother didn’t experience the same sexual and romantic attraction to people the way he did. When Damian had introduced them to Jon, they had all thought Jon was his boyfriend. But then Damian had come out as aro ace and Jason had been stunned. He hadn’t known people could feel that way, but he had just shrugged and accepted it because even though he and Damian weren’t close at that point he still cared about his brother.

It wasn’t until later, after he had done all the research he possibly could, that he really began to understand. How Damian’s disdain for him in the very beginning likely stemmed from the insecurity he felt about his own identity and not from Jason being an orphan. Comments about Jason being a better model made more sense and helped Jason understand his brother a lot more. So he tried to put himself in Damian’s shoes and understand how he saw the world. After that, there had been no going back. Even if he had wanted to. His brother was “different” according to society. Jason saw him as a man who loved so completely in a platonic sense that there was just no need to love any other way. He wasn’t defective or broken, he was complete just how he was.

“Damian,” Jason sighed and let his eyes fall on the polaroid photo that he had tucked into a frame holding a picture of Damian, Bruce, and him on his desk. He stared at the smiling faces of him and Dick. The other man had been trying to snap a selfie of them with it, but Jason had tripped and they had crashed down to the sand. The camera had captured their laughing faces close up. Just their profiles taking up the entire frame, eyes closed in laughter, and smiles wide and crinkling the corners of their eyes. Dick had given it to him for their anniversary later that year. He had written on it in his sloppy handwriting All roads lead back to you. “You should restore that friendship if that is what you really want. I won’t blame you in the least,” he finally said to his brother, eyes still trained on the photo he had no idea why he still kept displayed like this.

Or he did actually know why, he just didn’t want to admit how much he still missed Dick Grayson.

~**~

When his boss had asked him to accept the invitation by Wayne Enterprises for a charity gala, Dick had hesitated. He knew from his connection with Roy that Jason was the one who was usually in charge of any kind of charity related event. And he was always in attendance for them. Which meant if Dick went, he would certainly run into him at some point during the evening.

And Dick wasn’t sure he could handle that.

But his boss had given him the spiel to tow the company line. That public relations was his domain and that no one else did it better than him. That he was the person who people would always turn to when it came to having a face out in the public. Not only did he have a good face for the public, but his personality only enhanced it. People couldn’t help but listen and follow him. He was an icon, or so they always told him. Dick had always just felt a connection to people in general. It never had anything to do with the attention he received. It had everything to do with being surrounded by people.

So he had reluctantly agreed to go to the gala, having his assistant, Jonesy, book the two of them flights and getting himself fitted for the proper tux for the event. He had allowed for a salon appointment to be booked for him to get his nails freshened up and his hair artfully styled to look almost like he hadn’t bothered styling it at all. He tried not to be annoyed that he could have easily styled it this exact way himself and just let his assistant have their fun getting him all the appointments they would have had to get just about any other member of the Google high up enough to go to an event like this.

“The donation has already been made, we just really need your face to be there for the press and to rub elbows with other businesspeople. We’re negotiating that new office in Gotham right now and the people want to see what we bring to the table,” Dick had the head of his department on speaker as he rode in the back of the town car they had rented to bring him to Wayne Manor. He didn’t bother paying attention to what he was being told because it was nothing he hadn’t heard before for other events. Instead, he let his eyes take in the grandeur of the house Jason and Damian had grown up in as they approached. “Dick, are you even listening to me? This is important.”

“I know how important it is, Dave. How many times have you sent me to do this sort of thing? And not just stateside,” he reminded. There was a huff of amusement on the other end and Dick smiled at Jonesy, who was rolling their eyes next to him. “I have Jonsey here, trust them to keep an eye on me if you need to, but you did send me on purpose.”

There was silence before Dave agreed and told him to try and have some fun, but not too much fun. Dick looked at Jonsey and they reached over to click the ‘end call’ option on the iphone in his hand before leaning back into their seat.

“Should I have told Dave to ask someone else to do this?” Dick looked back out the window and sighed. They were about seven cars back in the line of people getting out in front of the manor. The hoards of press lined up, taking video and picture of the attendees, went mostly ignored by Dick as he scanned the windows of the beautiful house. “Dick?”

He hummed but didn’t look over at them.

“Dick are you okay with this? Dave didn’t know about the relationship between you and Mr. Todd. Not that it would have changed his desire for you to be the one here today, but…” But it might have garnered some understanding on why he was not his usual self in regard to this particular event. “We can go in, make a round, and leave quickly if you need.

Dick looked back to them and shook his head. “No,” he said firmly. “What Jason and I had was life changing. I’m always going to love him. But we’re adults and it isn’t as if we haven’t seen year other over the years since we broke up.” Jonsey gave him a look and Dick shrugged, straightening and smoothing a hand down the front of his tux. They were next in line to get out and Dick was ready. He could go into this home and be his usual charming self and get them the connections they needed in order to get this office in Gotham. “The show must go on,” he whispered to Jonsey, who gave him an unusually sympathetic look before they opened the door and slipped out of the limo and stood with the door open for him.

Allowing himself one last deep breath, Dick nodded to himself again before he too slipped out of the limo, buttoning his jacket as he went. Immediately, he was accosted with flashing lights and calls of his name. So he let a slow smile spread across his lips and raised a hand to wave in the general direction of the calls of his name. He had a general policy that he didn’t speak to the press unless it was part of the event. Tonight’s event was not a press related one and with a glance behind him to make sure Jonsey was following, he made his way up the stairs and toward the open door of the manor.

“Mr. Grayson,” a warm, British voice greeted him, and Dick paused at the sight of Alfred. He had never met the man in person, but Jason had talked about the grandfather-like figure in his life enough for it to feel as though they had met.

“Alfred,” Dick replied, his smile melting into something more genuine and warm. Holding out a hand, Dick shook the man’s hand before gesturing to Jonsey. “This is Jonsey, they’re my assistant.” Alfred greeted them with a nod and handshake before gesturing for them both to head inside.

“I should like to exchange candor with you later, Mr. Grayson.” Dick paused at Alfred’s words before agreeing and continuing to make his way inside.

The inside of the manor was just as grand at the outside, not that Dick was surprised. Bruce Wayne and his family had been wealthy for generations. This family home was old and well cared for. He had loved it the first time he had set foot in it and he would forever love it.

Even if he felt like a stranger in it now.

“Richard.” Dick looked to his left at the sound of his formal name and froze at the sight that greeted him.

Damian Wayne in all his formal glory, glass of what looked like whiskey in hand.

Dick didn’t even pause to think about his actions before he was reaching forward and wrapping his arms around the taller, broader man’s shoulders. “Damian,” he breathed, eyes falling closed for just a moment. He felt something loose in his chest when Damian’s free hand settled on his back in a return embrace. Pulling back, Dick let one of his hands remain on Damian’s upper arm as he smiled at the older man. They stood there like that for a moment before the clearing of a throat drew Dick’s attention away from Damian and to a man taller than Damian, brown hair and bright blue eyes. “You must be Jon.” Dick moved his hand from Damian’s arm to hold out to shake the other man’s hand.

“It is good to finally meet you, Dick,” Jon smiled brightly, shaking Dick’s hand firmly. Dick watched the brief glance between Jon and Damian, but Dick found he was too shocked to have Damian even here to decipher what it could mean. “I was surprised when Damian mentioned you would be in attendance tonight. He was as well, though he’d never admit it,” Jon chuckled, and Dick smiled at Damian.

“I wasn’t aware Google was sending any one on their behalf, was all.” With a tilt of his head, Dick just watched Damian attempt to save face.

“I’ve missed you too,” Dick offered, a deep breath and steeled backbone later. But it wasn’t a lie. He had loved Damian in his life. Outside of his relationship with Jason, Dick had enjoyed having a friend in Damian. Almost another brother. “I have watched news of WE to keep up to date on as much of your life as I could. I wanted…” He paused, glancing at Jon for a moment before looking back to Damian. “I had wanted to call, but I didn’t want to cause trouble.” 

Damian’s features took on a pained look and Jon leaned over to whisper something in the man’s ear before sending a smile to Dick and slipping away. Dick looked from Jon’s retreating back to Damian, confused. “I, too, had wanted to reach out. I do not understand societal standards on remaining in contact with a sibling’s failed relationship, but well-meaning people had told me it would look like I was taking sides.” Dick’s shoulders slumped slightly, and he nodded. That was exactly why he hadn’t reached out. “But my brother has recently informed me he would not have taken it that way, that he would have understood.”

That caused Dick to pause. Damian and Jason had talked about him? A full conversation where Jason had told his brother that he could be friends with Dick despite their status as exes. Dropping Damian’s gaze, Dick looked away and considered what that meant. That Jason could handle Dick being in his orbit for the sake of his brother. That stupid, selfless man cared more about his brother’s relationships and friendships than he cared about his own comfort. Because surely, Jason would know that Dick and Damian remaining friends would mean eventually Jason would encounter Dick in person. And while the two of them had seen each other a handful of times over the years, that had only been at a distance. They had never actually had a real conversation since that fateful night.

“Richard?”

Blinking, Dick looked back to Damian with his smile firmly in place. “I’m sorry. I suppose I’m just…surprised Jason felt that way. Though, I probably shouldn’t be. He’s a good man.” Damian nodded. “I would very much like to keep in contact this time.”

“As would I.”

“Dames, have you seen��” A voice cut Dick off from speaking again, a familiar warmth rising in him as that person came up behind him. Turning, Dick saw exactly who he knew would be right there. But he wasn’t prepared for the emotion that struck him square in the chest at the sight of the broad shoulders and chiseled jawline. Nor was he prepared for what it did to see those turquoise eyes so close again. “Dick.”

His name falling from those lips had always been enough to undo him. For years, it had sounded like a prayer when Jason would say his name. The last time Dick had heard Jason say his name, it had sounded like a curse and it had stuck with him. This time though? It fell somewhere between and what weight had lifted with Damian’s presence seemed to settle back in with Jason’s.

“Jason,” he responded, taking a step back to put a bit more distance between them.

Silence remained between them after that and Dick could see Damian glancing between the two of them out of the corner of his eyes, but he couldn’t look away from Jason’s gaze. And Jason didn’t seem to want to look away either.

“Was there something you needed, Jason?” Damian finally broke the silence.

Jason remained fixated on Dick for a moment before he blinked and the spell was broken. “Uh yeah, sorry. I was looking for Dad and you. It’s almost time for speeches.” Dick took a deep breath as Jason looked away from him to his brother, letting it out slowly as possible to try and center himself. He was so focused on the action that he didn’t feel someone come up behind him and place a hand between his shoulder blades, causing him to jump.

“Oh,” he sighed when he turned to find Jonsey there looking concerned. “Jonsey, I didn’t know it was you.” They gave a small smile, eyes flicking over to Jason and Damian before going back to Dick’s eyes and raising a brow. “Oh, um. Damian, Jason, this is my assistant Jonsey. Jason, you’ve probably already spoken to them when we accepted the invite.”

Jason held out a hand and shook Jonsey’s. “Yes, I do remember speaking with you. Thank you for coming.” Jonsey remained silent as they shook hands and then took Damian’s offered hand with a smile and a nod. “I do need to steal my brother away so we can get the speeches in order. I’m sure he’ll find you later Dick. Excuse us,” Jason offered a smile to both of them before leading Damian away, who offered Dick a smile over his shoulder as he followed his brother.

“Are you okay?”

“I need a drink.”

“You sure?”

“Fuck no, but I have rounds I need to make, and I am not going to survive them without a drink.” Dick heard Jonsey sigh before a hand was on his elbow, leading him toward the bar. He gave one last glance in the direction that Jason and Damian had gone in before forcing himself to focus on the task at hand. The job he was being paid to perform.

The air was crisp when Dick stepped out onto an empty balcony a few hallways away from the main part of the gala. It wasn’t like him to have the need to step away from a social event, but even he had his emotional limits. And being in the same room as Jason Todd had definitely helped him reach them. That smile, the way his eyes crinkled around the corners, the expanse of his shoulders and the way the tux he wore did nothing but accentuate all the parts of him that Dick had found mouth wateringly tempting, it had pushed him to the point where he needed to find a spot to breathe. One where he would likely not be bothered. Because he needed to gather his senses about him again and get his head back on straight.

Holding conversations about charities and conservation efforts that Google was involved in and how they planned to move forward with those efforts needed focus. He didn’t have that focus right then. He only had eyes for turquoise eyes and thick thighs.

“Fuck,” a breathy voice said from behind him. Dick’s eyes closed and he let his chin fall to his chest for a moment before he turned, knowing that voice anywhere. “I didn’t think anyone would venture this far into the manor.”

Glancing to the room behind Jason, who stood in the doorway of the balcony, he wondered what the odds were that he had managed to pick a spot Jason regularly escaped to. “I was hoping the same thing,” he admitted, looking back toward Jason. The other man pulled his brows together and took a step onto the balcony, door falling shut behind him with a soft snick of the latch.

“Never thought I would see the day where Dick Grayson couldn’t handle a social engagement.”

Dick chuckled. “Even I have my limits.”

Jason only hummed as he walked over to the opposite side of the railing, leaning his arms on the concrete structure, looking out over the gardens below. Dick’s eyes immediately fell to the man’s ass, more out of habit than anything. But for a brief moment he could practically feel the curve of it under his hand, nails digging into firm flesh. His heart did something strange in his chest before he forced himself out of that vision and back to the present. He found Jason still looking away from him and released a breath for not being caught ogling the man.

“This event is really grand,” Dick spoke up, wanting to break the quiet that felt like it could strangle him if he let it remain. “You seem to have quite the knack for the work. Bruce must be proud. I know Damian is.”

Without turning his head, Jason glanced at Dick out of the corner of his eye and Dick held his breath in anticipation. Three years, it had been three years since they had held a conversation that hadn’t been them yelling at each other or a hello in passing. He didn’t know how to talk to the man he had once been able to tell anything to. He didn’t know if this man was the same as the past version of him. He certainly wasn’t the same as he had been back then. But there was so much he wanted to say. To the point that his chest ached with the words that wanted to escape.

He couldn’t say them though.

They had fallen apart for a reason and Dick knew they were good reasons. And they were things that hadn’t changed. His career was still in California and Jason’s was still in New Jersey. There was no denying that they were both incredibly good at what they did. It would be too big of an ask for one of them to leave their whole life behind just so they could find what once was.

“Dick,” Jason’s voice was quiet and Dick had no choice but to look his way. A moth to the flame, his eyes found Jason’s as the other man straightened and turned to face him fully. “I don’t know what to say to you anymore.”

Dick’s lips parted as Jason spoke the words that were his own truth as well. He swallowed hard, begging his mind and his heart to settle on something to say in return. “I miss you,” was what finally tumbled out of his mouth, and not at all what he had expected. But the look that flashed through Jason’s eyes told him it was the right thing to say. Longing. Unbridled longing. The physical manifestation of what Dick felt in his core.

“But nothing has changed,” Jason whispered, coming closer. It wasn’t an accusation because it was true. For both of them. “The problem still remains. And I’m not,” he trailed off, stopping a few paces away and looking toward the doors that would take them back inside. “I’m not that Jason anymore.”

“I don’t want to be a stranger anymore,” Dick admitted. He thought about what he had said to Damian earlier and sighed. “You were everything to me and then suddenly you were nothing.” He had walked around for months feeling as though his chest had been torn open and his heart carved away. “But you’re right. Your life is here and mine is in California. That was the roadblock then and it’s still there now.” Jason’s face was pained and Dick wanted to reach for him, but he held firm. If he gave in and touched Jason, his heart wouldn’t survive. Not again.

But that left them right in the place they have been for the past three years.

“Ah, Master Jason,” a familiar, elderly voice called from inside the manor and Dick blinked, looking out into the night to avoid looking at Alfred. He took a few deep breaths to get himself back under control. He felt raw, torn open again. “Oh, I was not aware you had company. Your father and brother are looking for you and I knew you had likely come here for a moment.”

“Sorry, Alf,” Jason offered. “I just needed a moment. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one.” Dick turned to look at Jason and Alfred, who were standing by the balcony doors looking him.

“Too warm, too loud, and one too many drinks,” Dick laughed, slipping easily into the social mask he often wore at these events. “I should probably get back inside as well. Jonsey tends to fuss.” And thank god they did because it had saved Dick from some pretty shifty situations since they had been hired as his assistant.

“Dick,” Jason started when Dick began heading back into the manor, but Dick shook his head.

“I really do need to get back in, but,” he paused and glanced at Alfred, who was watching him closely with a blank expression, before looking back to Jason. “I’m glad we could talk.” He gave the taller man a small, private smile before pushing inside and headed back into the bustle of the party.

He made it about two steps into the crowd when Jonsey appeared, eyes wide and concerned. Maybe his mask wasn’t as firmly in place as he thought. “Are you okay?” He glanced over the top of their head to the faces milling about the room, his breaths quickening slightly. “Dick.”

“I need to leave.”

“Richard?” His eyes fell shut at the sound of Damian’s voice behind him. He did not want Damian to see his cracks. “Are you well? You look a little pale.” The man appeared in front of him and Dick looked at Jonsey before looking back to Jason’s brother.

“I’m feeling a little poorly. I was just telling Jonsey we should probably head back to our hotel.” Damian’s brows furrowed and he watched Dick with those observant eyes, unsettling him even more. “Our flight leaves tomorrow evening, can we have lunch?”

“I will call you in the morning.” Dick just nodded and gave a tight smile. He didn’t say anything more as he allowed Jonsey to take his elbow and lead him toward the exit. He managed to hold himself together long enough to get into the waiting car before the cracks gave way and he was left with an exposed heart and shallow breaths.

~**~

Lifting his finger to his earbud as he crossed the street in San Francisco, Jason accepted the call that was coming through distractedly. “This is Todd,” he said, waving thanks to a driver who stopped just short of hitting him as he rushed across the busy street. It was a fucking nightmare in this city. He had never seen pedestrians think they owned the road and drivers not care for a moment that they might hit someone. It was pure madness and Jason missed the regulation of the streets of Gotham.

“Jason,” a smooth voice sounded, and it was like a balm had covered his anxiety.

“Dickie.” He stopped in the middle of the crowded sidewalk and took a deep breath, allowing the small comfort Dick’s voice brought. Then he swore when someone shouldered past him and told him to get off the sidewalk if he was going to stand there like a ‘fucking idiot’.

Dick laughed, obviously hearing the comment. “Where are you? Gotham streets sounding more like San Francisco today.”

Jason frowned as he moved to stand next to the building he had stopped by.

“I’m not in Gotham.” He didn’t want to tell Dick he was actually in San Francisco since he hadn’t figured out a good reason why he would be there just yet.

“Oh.”

There was something off about the way Dick said that and alarm bells started going off in his mind. The disappointment was heavy in that single word and Jason leaned back against the building, eyes closing as realization hit. “But you are, aren’t you?”

“I’m checking out the new building for Google. They sent me last minute on a redeye. I got in at like 8am.” Jason tried not to laugh. Given his own flight was a redeye, they likely would have landed around the same time on opposite sides of the country. How fucking perfect.

“I flew out last night too. A meeting that popped up last minute. I’m sorry, Dickie,” Jason sighed. “You should call Damian though. He’s got meetings most of today, but he’ll want to see you.” Quickly pulling up Damian’s contact on his phone, he shot off a message to his brother and told him Dick was in town and knew that Jason wasn’t but didn’t know where so not to tell him. Damian was the only person who had known the purpose of this trip and while he trusted his brother to keep it a secret from the company, he knew his brother loved Dick too much to not have a loose tongue.

I just received a text from him. I will meet him for dinner with Jon, but will refrain from saying what your trip was about. I will tell Jon to do the same.

Jason sent off a thanks before closing out of that thread.

“I sent him a text. When do you come back?”

“I have another redeye tonight.”

Dick sighed. “Same.”

Jason scrambled for something to say to perk Dick back up, but he was coming up short. Then he thought of something, a small something. “Has Jonsey told you about the Spring Gala yet?” Jason had sent the invite specifically to Jonsey over Google in general just so Dick would be the one to come.

“No?”

“WE’s spring fundraiser is in March,” he explained, pushing off the wall and continuing back in the direction of his interview in an hour. “I sent the invite right to Jonsey instead of the PR department. They should have received it this morning, but I suppose it’s still fairly early.”

“Or they’re hiding it from me. They can be a bit…protective.” Jason frowned. They wanted to protect Dick from him? What? “They’re the only one outside of Tim and Donna who know everything. I told them a few weeks after they started working with me. A few too many martinis at a work thing and a guy who got a little too handsy.” Jason almost stopped walking in the middle of the street he was crossing at that revelation. But he picked up his pace and kept walking, letting his mind race through those facts.

“Dick?” He questioned without actually questioning. Dick was silent on the other end and Jason glanced at his phone to make sure they were still connected. They were. “You don’t have to tell me what happened,” he offered instead. But he desperately wanted to know because when it came to Dick Grayson, his imagination always ran wild.

“Nothing happened, Jay.” Dick’s voice was quiet, like wherever he was wasn’t someplace to talk about this. “I’ll tell you about it someday. Just not today.”

Jason didn’t say anything as he reached the building where his interview was taking place. He took in the tall building and frowned. It looked like WE’s building but being in this city felt wrong. It wasn’t home. He didn’t want to be here. But he knew that if he wanted to work this out with Dick, then he needed to try. He hadn’t before and that had been the problem. He had been the problem. He wouldn’t be the problem this time.

“Did I lose you?”

“Huh?” Jason snapped back to the conversation. “Oh no, sorry Dick. I just got to my meeting, so I need go,” he explained. “I’m bummed I missed your visit to Gotham. But we’ll figure out a different time to see each other, okay?”

Dick hummed. “Yeah, okay. Good luck with your meeting.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Have a good dinner with Damian, okay?” Then Jason remembered that Dick never actually said Damian had responded and he had just revealed that Damian and him had discussed it already.

“Wait, how did you know we’re doing dinner?”

“Uh, gotta go!”

“Jason Todd!”

“Bye, Dickie.”

~**~

Dick had just settled down at the table of the small café in Gotham when his phone rang. He didn’t bother to check the caller id since he was expecting a call from a potential job interview. Instead, he simply accepted the call and said, “This is Dick Grayson.”

“Thank god for that since that’s exactly who I was attempting to call,” an amused voice answered, and Dick’s chest filled with a familiar warmth. How perfect it was that Jason would call him when he had no idea that Dick could literally see WE’s building from where he was sitting, getting lunch.

“Jason,” Dick greeted, a smile spreading easily across his lips. “Shouldn’t you be working right now?”

Jason’s chuckle sounded and Dick settled into the feeling that the sound always filled him with. How easy it had been to fall back into this friendship after those few awkward phone calls. “That’s actually why I’m calling. I was wondering when you get a break for lunch? I’m in Mountain View for a meeting.” Dick straightened in his chair and blinked. It took a moment for him to process this.

“You’re in California?”

“I am.” There was a pause before Jason sighed. “You’re not.”

“Fuck Jay,” Dick leaned an elbow on the table, resting his forehead in his hand. “I would have rescheduled this trip if I had known.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he grumbled over the line and Dick couldn’t help but smile.

He silently signaled to the server who had come over to take his order to give him a few more minutes before he focused back on the phone call. “I still love the thought,” he told Jason. “I would have dropped anything I was doing to have lunch with you.”

“If you were here.”

Dick sighed. “Yeah, if I were there.” He thought about how just weeks earlier this exact situation had happened when Dick had called Jason for lunch while being in Gotham for a different interview and to check on the new Google offices. How could this have happened twice? He didn’t want to consider this a bad omen for what they were trying to navigate here, but it felt like it could be. It felt like they would always be in this terrible dance, never able to actually come together in the middle. “I miss you,” he admitted softly, giving himself a moment to let the waves of sadness crash over him.

“Me too, Dickie,” Jason’s voice was quiet, filled with the same sadness that Dick’s carried. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Will we?”

“Yes,” Jason insisted. “I have to believe that. I need to believe that. Don’t you?”

Dick nodded. “Yeah, yeah me too.” Looking down at the table top, Dick shook his head. “Well, at least the Spring Gala is in two weeks. We’ll definitely see each other then.” He tried to sound enthusiastic, but he just felt defeated, and he was sure it bled through.

“And you’ll stay for a few days?”

“I will. Do I need a hotel?”

“No, I want you in my bed. I’m milking those days for all they’re worth. Every second I can spend with you.”

Because who knew when they would get another chance? That thought slammed into Dick like a ton of bricks and immediately he knew what he needed to do. He knew what choice to make.

“Hey Jay, I need to go. But call me later?”

“Yeah, okay. Love you.” Dick’s heart strained. They had started saying it again a week ago and it still startled him each time.

“Love you, too,” he said quietly before hanging up the phone. Glancing up at the server who peeked their head back out to check on him, he smiled. After placing his order, he dialed his boss’ number and leaned back in his chair. “Dave, we need to talk.”

~**~

Dick stepped off the elevator that took him to Jason’s penthouse, adjusting the garment bag that hung over his arm as he pulled his suitcase along behind him. He hadn’t told Jason what time he was landing because he had wanted the chance to get himself into the right state of mind for what he was about to reveal to his boyfriend. He had been a nervous wreck the entire flight from California and Jonsey had told him to calm down more than once, but it had been pointless.

This was a big deal and he was nervous.

Knocking on the door that was just a few paces away from the elevator, Dick waited for Jason to answer. He allowed himself two more deep breaths before he smiled as the door swung open to reveal a tousled Jason.

The man stood there, wide eyed and mouth open. His hair and the creases marring his cheeks told Dick all he needed to know about what Jason had been doing just before he knocked.

“Dick,” Jason breathed, reaching forward and pulling him into his home. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming today? I would have…” Dick stopped him by pressing their mouths together, cutting off the speech he had known would come. Releasing the handle of his suitcase, Dick let his garment bag hang over the bag without bothering to remove his lips from Jason’s. Jason just hummed into the kiss and pulled Dick against his sleep warm body. And Dick just wrapped his now free arms around Jason’s waist, relishing in being this close to the other man after months of separation and missing each other. “I have to be still dreaming,” Jason muttered against his mouth as Dick slowed the kiss.

“Not a dream,” Dick told him.

“Lie.” Pulling back, Dick looked at Jason with raised brows. “You’re always my dream.” Dick couldn’t have contained his smile even if he had wanted to. “A dream come true.” Jason leaned forward and pressed their mouths together again. And though Dick had come here with intention of telling Jason what was happening, he let himself have this moment for a little longer.

Eventually they slowed down and Dick was able to keep a little space between them as Jason offered to make some coffee and Dick groaned in appreciation, having missed out on sleep thanks to nerves. Thankfully, he didn’t have plans for the day and could just crash. Hopefully in Jason’s bed with Jason, but he would settle just for the bed if he had to.

“Are you hungry? I could make breakfast,” Jason offered as he typed into his phone. There was a ping just moments later that he replied to. Dick raised a brow when he finally looked up. Jason smiled. “I just told Damian I’ll be working from home today. He’s not happy to have to have my team handle everything but they’re more than capable of getting the last minute things into place.”

“Breakfast would be great.” Dick could remember the amazing food Jason always managed to whip up when they were in a place with a kitchen. And Jason had always seemed to like cooking over ordering in.

Jason gave a nod before he pulled out ingredients for what looked like blueberry pancakes. Dick approved.

“So, why didn’t you tell me you were coming in today?”

Dick took another sip of his coffee and allowed himself a moment before he spoke. He had no reason to be nervous, but he was. “I have something to talk to you about.”

Jason glanced over his shoulder, frowning at Dick. “Should I be around the stove while you say this?”

“Uhhh,” Dick looked at the pan and then back to Jason. “I just think we need to talk about the distance.” Jason froze for a moment before reaching over and turning off the stove top. “I guess that answers that.”

“No,” Jason shook his head. “I want to give you my full attention for this. Because I have something to say about that too. But you brought it up, so you go first.”

Dick blinked. “Okay,” he said slowly. He gave it another moment of watching Jason curiously before he steeled himself. “The past three months I have been making inquiries and have had a few interviews at various companies here in Gotham. I’m tired of being apart and I know I had said that it wasn’t fair that it be put on me to move, but I don’t care anymore.” He took a deep breath and looked at Jason, who was looking at him with wide eyes again. “I just want to be with you. I don’t care if that means I have to uproot.”

Jason didn’t move as he finished, still looking too stunned to form words and Dick smiled at that.

“What about Tim?” Jason asked finally.

Oh. Dick hadn’t realized he had never ended up telling Jason about his brother. “He and Connor moved to Metropolis a little over a month ago. When he heard what I was trying to do, he told Connor he wanted to go since Connor had been asking for years.”

“So you got a job here? In Gotham? What about Google?”

“I told Dave I planned to accept one of the job offers I had gotten and he told me not to. He didn’t want to lose me, so he talked to his boss about moving me from Mountain View to the new offices in Gotham.” Dick smiled. “There weren’t supposed to be PR personnel here, but even the CEO didn’t want me to go so they made an exception. I’ll still have to travel and have to go back to California for a few days each months but-” Dick was cut off when Jason quickly moved forward and pressed their mouths together with a laugh.

Dick let him kiss him for a moment before pulling back just enough to ask, “What is so funny?”

Jason smiled brightly and cupped Dick’s face with his hands. “I have two offers for jobs in the Bay Area that I was going to tell you about.”

It was Dick’s turn to be stunned.

“But…” He didn’t even know what he wanted to say.

“You were right, back then. I wasn’t willing to compromise, and it nearly ruined us forever. I didn’t want that to happen again. I didn’t want history to repeat itself just because I was unwilling to do everything it took to keep you,” Jason told him. “I didn’t want you to think it always had to be you coming to meet me. That I didn’t love you enough to go to you.”

Tears filled Dick’s eyes on their own accord, and he surged forward, wrapping his arms around Jason’s shoulders tightly. “I fucking love you, you know that? I would give up everything to be with you. None of it matters,” he whispered. “Even if Tim hadn’t moved, I would have come.” Jason’s arms were a vice around his ribs and Dick buried his face in his neck. “Don’t leave Gotham. I already packed my office up to move out here.”

Jason laughed into Dick’s hair, and everything felt like it clicked into place in that moment.

“I’ll stay in Gotham as long as you’re sure about moving here.”

“I’m sure.”

#anidear writes #jaydick week #jaydick week 2023 #jaydick fanfic

[just-rogi]

Hi I read your tags on the toast poll and id like to know if I can come over for dinner tomorrow?/j

No but really though holy shit do you have a cook book or something, I want to hear more recipes from you.

Hi ok first of all ily thank you for spamming my blog and sending me this ask- I will always love talking about cooking, I’m genuinely so passionate about it and love talking about my recipes to anyone who will listen.

Second: I have so many recipes I’d love to share!! Yes literally anything!!! Especially Mediterranean, and west Asian food as that is what I grew up cooking- feel free to dm me or like send me another ask if you want it posted publicly idc if my moots haven’t unfollowed me for unironically reblogging Taylor Swift lyric edits they won’t unfollow me for posting recipes lol- I’ve got some pics on my phone I can add to the bottom of this post

Third: ik you were mostly joking with the whole cook book thing but I actually am in the early stages of illustrating a collection of recipes as a narrative about my experiences with nostalgia, love, family, and growing up in a mixed race home and connecting to my culture

I work as a para to a middle school history classroom by day, but I’m college I studied anthropology and did a final research study on second and third generation middle eastern Americans and how cultural beliefs are tied directly to food and how the passing down of food goes deeper than the recipes themselves but is actually preserving and instilling cultural values found in Bedouin populations in the Middle East-

TLDR I am always happy to talk about food, I am working on a cook book (sort of) but it won’t be out for a long long time, and you are always welcome to eat dinner with me- it would be my honor :)

Pics: rainbow tomato toast, sesame tomato and garlic toast, home made vegetable stock, jook , caramelized plantains, ramen, yellow curry, za’alouk, dolmas, fattoush :)

#I also bake but I’m not very good #I have a kickass orange cake recipe #ka’ak #and ​ma’amouls tho #and I make my own chai from scratch too :) #thanks op for the ask!!! ily so much:)

[miserirphmoved]

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄

Lyrics have been edited to fit roleplaying needs, feel free to change pronouns as needed! Please do not add to this list! xo

carry you - ruelle ft. fleurie

“i know it hurts” “is anybody out there?” “can you hear me?” “tell me it’ll be alright” “you are not alone” “i’ve been here the whole time” “i know you can’t remember how to shine” “can you take this weight of mine?” “can you lead me to the light?”

devil in me - halsey

“you said i should eat my feelings” “i won’t take anyone down” “but i still let everyone down” “i scream too loud if i speak my mind” “you said i’m too much to handle” “you said i shine too bright”

so far away - martin garrix

“light ‘em up” “tell me where you are” “light a match” “show me where are” “i miss you every single day” “tell me there’s a river i can swim that will bring you back to me” “i don’t know how to love someone else” “i don’t know how how to forget your face” “god, i miss you every single day” “it’s breaking me” “we were far from perfect” “we were worth it” “we never said we’re sorry” “stop saying you love me”

snap - rosa linn

“it’s 4am” “i can’t turn my head off” “i wish these memories would fade, they never do” “turns out people lied” “as if it were really that easy for me to get over you” “i just need time” “where are you?” “you’re still in my heart” “i don’t need you here anymore” “get out of my heart” “this is the last one” “how many _______ are left?” “if one more person says ‘you should get over it’ i might stop talking to people before i snap” “i might stop talking to people before i snap”

devil doesn’t bargain - alec benjamin

“it’s useless, don’t do this” “he’s/she’s/they’re ruthless, you knew this” “i told you, didn’t i?” “the truth is he/she/they lie(s)” “i know you don’t want to let go” “i can see that you’re sure you can change him but i know you can’t” “the devil doesn’t bargain” “he’ll/she’ll/they’ll only break your heart again” “it isn’t worth it darling” “he’s/she’s/they’re never gonna change “he’ll/she’ll/they’ll only do you harm again” “i’m not one to lecture” “i don’t mean to pressure you” “i just wants best for you in the end” “i know you think he’ll/she’ll/they’ll change this time”

i did something bad - taylor swift

“i never trust a narcissist” “‘cause for every lie i tell them, they tell me three” “this is how the world works” “now all he/she/they think(s) about is me” “if a man/woman/person talks shit then i owe them nothing” “i don’t regret it one bit ‘cause they had it coming” “they say i did something bad” “they say i did something bad, then why’s it feel so good?” “the most fun i’ve ever had” “i’d do it over and over again if i could” “i never trust a playboy, but they love me” “i let them think they saved me” “they’ll never see it coming, what i do next” “you’ve gotta leave before you get left” “don’t throw away a good thing”

another round - elina

“i forgot what you sounded like” “i’m in a fight with someone i’ve been seeing for awhile now” “nothing’s really broken” “i started to think it’s just a waste of time” “it works for now” “i just got carried away” “i hope that we’re still okay” “i guess i miss who i was back then” “time always froze when i pulled you close” “i swear i would give anything for another round” “we can try all we want but we’re not who we once were” “it’s easy to romanticize but you know that nostalgia’s just a flame”

safe and sound - taylor swift ft. the civil wars

“i remember tears streaming down your face” “i’ll never let you go” “don’t leave me here alone” “just close your eyes, the sun is going down” “you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now” “come morning light, you and i’ll be safe and sound” “don’t you dare look out your window” “everything’s on fire” “the war keeps raging on”

twin flame - machine gun kelly

“it’s been six days since the last time i saw your face” “you told me i was your twin flame” “the moon’s full tonight” “i can’t kiss you yet” “i get insecure and panic” “i know you’re too pure for this” “i’ve got six ways to say that i fell in love with you at first sight” “i wish i could frame the way you look at me with those eyes “be mine” “you’re too good for me” “i’m too bad to keep” “i’m too sad and lonely “i want you only” “i feel like um, just leaving here” “you feel like what?” “me and you could just drive somewhere” “i love you” “there’s no happy endings” “go to sleep” “i’ll see you in my dreams” “this changes everything” “now i have to set you free”

in the water - anadel

“life is for the living” “but where are you gonna hide?” “we struggle to keep our heads above the deep” “you vow your life in blood, but this is not our home” “this is not our home” “hope here’s never found” “who we are today, could never make amends for what we’ve done” “his/her/their eye(s) are full of love” “forgive them”

#series: songs from my playlists #rp memes #roleplay memes #lyric prompts #lyric starters #lyric meme #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #mine

[dankusner]

Daniel Kusner visits Thanks-Giving Square at noon while listening to St. Vincent’s “ New York ,” admiring how perfectly the song blends with the bells above the Ring of Truth.

St. Vincent would rather be in Dallas

Annie Clark — a.k.a. singer-guitarist St. Vincent — has lived in L.A. and New York City for most of her adult life.

But she still loves to wax nostalgic about growing up as a music nerd in Lake Highlands, going to rock shows in Deep Ellum and haunting records stores all around Dallas.

“I spent all my allowance at CD World on Greenville, that’s for sure,” she says with a laugh. “I’m in Los Angeles right now, but I wish I were in Dallas is the truth of it.”

Clark’s been coast-hopping lately while “doing press for this bad boy,” as she calls All Born Screaming, her seventh solo album since she debuted in 2007.

The album is out Friday.

One listen and you’ll hear why she yearns for the comfort of her extended Dallas family.

All Born Screaming is the sound of an artist teetering on the edge of chaos as she thinks about life, death and a dozen shades of terror in between.

In Clark’s typically witty fashion, she’s dubbed it “post-plague pop.”

It’s her darkest album yet, but also one of her best, defined as always by her uniquely St. Vincent blend of styles.

She’s an old-school torch singer with an avant-garde heart and a music historian’s brain, inspired by everyone from Billie Holiday to Jimi Hendrix to Nirvana (whose drummer, Dave Grohl, guest-stars on “Broken Man” and “Flea”).

"All Born Screaming" is St. Vincent's darkest album yet, but it also ranks as one of her best, defined by a unique blend of styles.(Nasty Little Man)

Clearly, she didn’t spend all that time at CD World just sifting through the Backstreet Boys bin.

When Clark was 13, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti, who happen to be her uncle and aunt, sat her down and asked her to listen to John Coltrane’s masterpiece A Love Supreme.

“I started crying,” she told me in ‘07. “Hearing something like that, at that age, was mind-blowing.”

Today, her jazz-minded songs are probably too off-kilter for most Taylor Swift fans.

But against all odds, Clark racked up her first No. 1 pop hit as a songwriter last fall when Swift’s “Cruel Summer” spent a month atop the Billboard charts, four years after Swift first released it.

Clark co-wrote the tune with Swift and their mutual producer Jack Antonoff.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Clark, 41, says. “It’s a testament to how dedicated Taylor’s fans are. They took a song from a few records back that wasn’t even a single at the time and said ‘No, we love this song. This is the hit.’ And they marched it up the charts by just sheer enthusiasm.”

My conversation with Clark has been edited for clarity:

All your albums have been different, both musically and lyrically. What were you aiming for on All Born Screaming?

I wanted to make something that felt as raw and human as possible. It’s a record that goes from “Life is impossible … ” and then the second half is “but we get to live it and it’s really short, so buckle up and let’s go. We don’t have any time to waste.”

This is the first album you’ve produced totally alone. What were the pros and cons of that?

The pros are that it’s really an exact rendering of the sounds in my head. This is my singular vision. The cons are that it takes a lot longer. It’s a more painful process because it requires a long look in the mirror, which is not always the most comfortable thing to do. There’s nobody else in the room who’s gonna pat you on the head and say, “Great job, let’s move on.” It requires a reckoning with yourself.

There are lots of great retro-sounding synthesizers on the album, played by you and others. What drew you to these old synths?

Analog synthesizers have such a soul to them. You’re moving electricity through unique circuitry, and I know that doesn’t sound necessarily like the sexiest, most human thing, but you’re like a god of lightning. These analog synths are inherently chaotic. It’s like, “I’m gonna take these beasts and find the parts that are the most alive, and manipulate some of that chaos into music.” When you get something that’s really exciting, it’s more of a victory.

Several tunes have an industrial rock feel and recall Nine Inch Nails. I noticed the word “nail” in the lyrics of multiple songs. Have I found your Easter eggs? Or am I reading too much into that?

No! Read however you want to read it. I love Nine Inch Nails. You can put The Downward Spiral next to anything out there today and it will hold up as relevant and exciting. That’s the kind of record I’m ultimately trying to make, stuff you’ll wanna listen to in 30 years and go, “Oh yeah … this is good. It has a level of excellence and craft and refinement and obsessive attention to detail.”

“Violent Times” has a memorable phrase that, in a sense, sums up the whole album for me: “The ashes of Pompeii lovers, discovered in an embrace for all eternity.” When did you first see that image from Pompeii?

I was in New Zealand and had a day off and that exhibit was going around, so I walked over to the exhibit and was just struck by that image.

“OK, doom is imminent. You can flee, or you can just hold one another one last time.”

And I just thought it was so deeply romantic.

So much of modern existence, and certainly existence on the internet, is designed to commodify our brain space and pit neighbor against neighbor, and it’s just, well, frankly, it’s a drag.

Love is all we have, and I don’t mean that in a “Kumbaya” corny way. I mean, life will bring you to your knees, no matter who you are. And the only thing we really have is the people we love.

A lot of songs on the new album — and throughout your career — have a scary, almost cinematic quality to them. Did you grow up loving horror films or scary books?

No. Not at all. I detest horror and violence and gore. I can’t watch it. But as far as going to musically dark places, I think that’s the miraculous thing about music. To misquote Brian Eno, “Art is the car you can crash over and over again and then walk away safely.” [Music] is the place I get to go to explore my internal violence and my everything — ego, desire, all of it. I’m a child of the ‘90s, in the sense that the anthems of my heroes were “I’m a creep/I’m a loser.” They were exploring the baseness and basement of their psyches, and that’s always resonated with me.

“Big Time Nothing” sounds like a companion piece to 2020′s The Nowhere Inn, your mockumentary-thriller about fame and how it affects an artist’s sanity.

[Songwriting for me] is always like, “OK, tune into the depression and anxiety frequencies in your head, write down those thoughts, and what do they tell you?” I’ve had to learn how to manage and quiet [those frequencies] as I’ve grown. All the songs on this album are very lived experiences, dealing with life and death and love. In records past, I certainly was dealing with the idea of persona and deconstructing persona. And you know, that makes a lot of sense in that I’m queer. I’ve been aware that gender was a performance since I was a child. So of course, playing with characters is … it’s all just, you know, ripe for exploration. On this record, however, I’m just not dealing with character or transformation in the same way. I’ve heard people say, “OK, so Broken Man is your take on toxic masculinity.” I’m like, “No. That’s just how I feel.” Sometimes, it’s not external cultural commentary. It’s, like, life.

Congratulations on your first number one single for co-writing Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer.” Hypothetically, how would you handle performing for 60,000 people in football stadiums every night like Swift does?

My brain immediately went to “Oh. I’d really need to spend a lot of money on production.” But that’s the very pragmatic part of me. Um, that would be amazing. I don’t see that necessarily happening and I feel really OK with that. I like to say I have the “free appetizer level” of fame, you know, where occasionally you [meet a restaurant worker] who’s a big fan and you get that shrimp cocktail. But I don’t have an unmanageable level of fame. I can walk down the street anywhere and be fine and not need security. I can just exist in the world in a relatively normal way. The way I got to my level of success was a sort of slow and steady climb up the mountain, without big peaks and valleys.

When we spoke at the start of your career, you said that joining the Polyphonic Spree after struggling to launch your career was “literally redemption in a robe.” What did you learn in your two years with the Spree in the mid-2000s?

I loved it. I had the time of my life. Some of my fondest memories of touring were those early, early days of just not knowing what in the world I was doing, getting up on stage every night and putting on this wild manic show with these exuberant songs. I [learned how to be] a Texas freak, right? And I say “freak” with all the love and admiration in the world. If you’re a Texas freak, you had to earn it. You had to walk through fire. There’s some real grit to the Texas freaks. Like, those are my people, you know?

A few years ago, the news site Central Track posted a bunch of yearbook photos of you from Lake Highlands High School, where you were super active in performing groups. Did you already know back then you wanted a career onstage?

I was very obsessed with theater. I’d go see a lot of local productions at Kitchen Dog Theater and I was a stage manager over at Kitchen Dog. I loved it, but I was really scared to get up onstage with my high school band, or be in a play. But I also knew I had to do it. Even though that performative tension was very, very nerve-wracking, I was compelled to do it. Dallas public education really just lit a fire and a love for theater, you know?

You’ve acted in Portlandia and other places, and you co-wrote The Nowhere Inn. Would you like to do more acting and filmmaking?

I would drop everything if a director I really adored, like Pedro Almodovar, said, “I’m dying to have you in my next film.” I would happily act or be a performer in someone else’s work, depending on the project, because you go in, you do your work and you walk away. A director of a film, like, that’s three years of your life on one thing. I just don’t have the bandwidth to direct a film. But what I do as a musician, for this record, let’s just say, is akin to writing, starring in and directing your own film. Directing? I already do that in music. Directing a film would take me away from things I’m actually good at.

You started playing guitar at 12, before the internet became huge. Do you think the internet and YouTube opened the doors for more diversity among guitarists? Are there more female lead guitarists today than when you began?

There totally are. I see so many young women playing guitar and it’s not treated as some sort of novelty. It’s like, “Yeah, duh! Of course I play guitar.” It’s so cool to see the shift. I mean, I had Riot Grrrl. But for the most part, there weren’t that many female guitar players in the mass culture.

I’m a measured optimist. I don’t believe that everything is getting worse. Certain things in life are definitely worse than they were a hundred years ago, and a lot of things are a whole lot better. We wouldn’t be having this conversation 80 years ago about me having a career as an artist like this. Women didn’t get to do things like this. So I think it’s only getting better in terms of more women playing, more women just feeling empowered and saying, “I’m gonna pick up whatever [instrument] I want to and play.” There’s way less stigma and eyebrow-raising than there was when I started, you know? That’s great. I think that is genuine progress.

#Youtube

[phoenixwrites]

Tagged by the fiercely fun @wendydarlingfics. (Put music player on shuffle and list the songs that come up!)

1. “Camaro” by Liz Longley—oh God I love this song so much. Liz Longley does the most luscious tortured love melodies. I also want to use it for a future Barbgrove fic, that would lean more heavily into angst territory. (Or at least them pining after each other post breakup)

2. “God-Shaped Hole” by Plumb…um…I don’t have a good excuse for this, except that Christian pop and rock were a strong part of my childhood and adolescence. I have a playlist entitled “Toxic Theology…but still a bop”

3. “Broke” by Brandy Clark. I wonder if Brandy Clark is confused with Brandy Carlisle…? Anyway, I love a classic country song about how poor you are.

4. “All Good People” by Delta Rae and Vocal Rush. I’m 50/50 on Delta Rae—so many of their songs hit SO GOOD, but others fall flat for me. But All Good People is such an incredible call to action.

5. “Holy Water” by Miranda Lambert. I have an affinity for country artists like Miranda Lambert, Gretchen Wilson, and Ashley McBryde. They are unabashedly petty, coarse, sweet, and roughshod all at once. I have a big annoyance with Taylor Swift editing her back catalog to more progressive lyrics. Songs are a history of a musician’s journey! Embrace being a petty 19-year-old.

6. “Anymore” Anna Akana. I know Anna from TikTok, presumably what most people know her for? But I really enjoy her album. She does an interesting sort of chant-sing-spoken-word style, not quite rapping, but almost. It’s softer and vulnerable. And God, the way she screams out in the second verse, “Convince yourself that one day when it’s right, you will commit/But I know you better than that baby, can’t you just admit? You don’t want a real girl what you want doesn’t exist.”

7. “Don’t Tell My Mom” by Renee Rapp. I have my own version of this song, called “Please Don’t Tell My Mama I’m Smoking”. I love a song about a powerful relationship between mother and daughter, especially one that explores the complexities of mental illness.

8. “Hollywood Forever Cemetery” by Allison Ponthier. I LOVE THIS SONG. I want to stroll down the street every day jamming to it. It’s quite a gruesome song, about ephemeral fame and short-lived starlets…but so bouncy and creepy. J’adore.

9. “Hell Yeah” by Montgomery Gentry. I thought this was the most badass song ever when I was a kid and I longed to be the girl in the second verse, with a “plush corner office and a don’t mess with me attitude”. KNOW ANY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN?! This is a great song to listen to after I’m off of work.

10. “Reincarnation” by Leanna Firestone. I do so love Leanna. A positive of TikTok is that it has introduced me to so many incredible independent musicians. I love the hope of this song, reminding herself that love is cyclical, that it will always return to you, even if you lose it somewhere else.

#wendydarlingfics #phoenix personal

[ohisms]

𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹𝒀𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑯𝑨𝑺 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑫 .    (   a  collection  of  lyric  starters  for  a  taylor  swift  type  of  love .  some  phrasing  has  been  edited ,  feel  free  to  change  gendered  terms .  )

❛  i  heard  you’ve  been  out  with  some  other  girl .  ❜ ❛  if  you  wanted  me ,  you  really  should’ve  showed  it .  ❜ ❛  for  you ,  i  would  cross  the  line .  ❜ ❛  he’s  so  smug ,  mr.  always - wins .  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  sorry .  ❜ ❛  i’m  doing  good ,  i’m  on  some  new  shit .  ❜ ❛  i  thought  i  saw  you  at  the  bus  stop .  ❜ ❛  all  this  time  i  was  wasting ,  hoping  you’d  come  around .  ❜ ❛  i  remember  it  all  too  well .  ❜ ❛  someday  maybe  you’ll  miss  me .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  been  waiting  for  you  all  my  life .  ❜ ❛  you  looked  me  in  the  eye  and  told  me  you’d  never  go  away .  ❜ ❛  every  single  day  until  the  end ,  i  will  be  by  your  side .  ❜ ❛  all  you  do  is  let  me  down .  ❜ ❛  someday  when  you  leave  me ,  i  bet  these  memories  will  follow  you  around .  ❜ ❛  say  you’ll  see  me  again ,  even  if  it’s  in  your  wildest  dreams .  ❜ ❛  the  knife  cuts  both  ways .  ❜ ❛  long  story  short ,  it  was  a  bad  time .  ❜ ❛  i’ll  do  anything  you  say ,  if  you  say  it  with  your  hands .  ❜ ❛  i’d  be  smart  to  walk  away .  ❜ ❛  this  path  is  reckless .  ❜ ❛  it  takes  everything  in  me  just  to  get  up  each  day ,  but  it’s  wonderful  to  see  that  you’re  okay .  ❜ ❛  how’s  your  heart ,  after  breaking  mine ?  ❜ ❛  it’s  taken  me  this  long ,  but  i’ve  figured  you  out .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  want  to  hurt  anymore .  ❜ ❛  you  can  say  you’re  sorry ,  but  i  don’t  believe  you  like  i  did  before .  ❜ ❛  i  think  he  did  it ,  but  i  just  can’t  prove  it .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  got  your  share  of  secrets  and  i’m  tired  of  being  the  last  to  know .  ❜ ❛  i’m  fine  with  my  spite .  ❜ ❛  i  just  need  you .  ❜ ❛  my  picture’s  in  your  wallet ?  ❜ ❛  i  didn’t  say  half  the  things  i  wanted  to .  ❜ ❛  this  is  how  the  world  works .  ❜ ❛  i  never  got  past  what  you  put  me  through .  ❜ ❛  this  is  the  last  time  you  tell  me  i’ve  ‘got  it  wrong’ .  ❜ ❛  they  say  i’ve  gone  too  far ,  this  time . ❜ ❛  it’s  been  awhile  since  i’ve  even  heard  from  you .  ❜ ❛  we  took  a  wrong  turn .  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  help  it  if  there’s  no  one  else .  ❜ ❛  no  one’s  celebrating .  ❜ ❛  we  fall  in  love  until  it  hurts  or  bleeds  or  fades  in  time .  ❜ ❛  all  we  are  is  skin  and  bone  trained  to  get  along .  ❜ ❛  your  cheeks  were  turning  red .  ❜ ❛  i  know  that  it’s  over ,  i  don’t  need  your  closure .  ❜ ❛  don’t  treat  me  like  some  situation  that  needs  to  be  handled .  ❜ ❛  if  it’s  all  in  my  head ,  tell  me  now .  tell  me  i’ve  got  it  wrong .  ❜ ❛  we  were  something ,  don’t  you  think  so ?  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  regret  it  one  bit ,  he  had  it  coming .  ❜ ❛  you’ll  find  the  real  thing ,  instead .  ❜ ❛  i  know  my  love  should  be  celebrated ,  but  you  tolerate  it .  ❜ ❛  i  never  saw  you  coming .  ❜ ❛  this  is  the  last  time  i’m  asking  you  this .  ❜ ❛  put  my  name  at  the  top  of  your  list .  ❜ ❛  the  greatest  films  of  all  time  were  never  made .  ❜ ❛  didn’t  it  all  seem  new  and  exciting ?  ❜ ❛  while  you  were  out  building  worlds ,  where  was  i ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  begging  for  footnotes  in  the  story  of  your  life .  ❜ ❛  when  i  fell  hard ,  you  took  a  step  back .  ❜ ❛  i  bet  you  never  loved  me .  ❜ ❛  words ,  how  little  they  mean  when  you’re  a  little  too  late .  ❜ ❛  you  never  called  it  what  it  was .  ❜ ❛  it  was  one  prize  i’d  cheat  to  win .  ❜ ❛  it  would’ve  been  fun  ...  if  you  would’ve  been  the  one .  ❜ ❛  i’d  do  it  over  and  over  and  over  again ,  if  i  could .  ❜ ❛  i  notice  every  thing  you  do .  ❜ ❛  all  we  know  is  touch - and - go .  ❜ ❛  i  know  it’s  long  gone  and  there’s  nothing  else  i  could  do .  ❜ ❛  you  kept  me  like  a  secret  but  i  kept  you  like  an  oath .  ❜ ❛  maybe  we  got  lost  in  translation .  ❜ ❛  maybe  i  asked  for  too  much .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  some  things  to  say  to  you .  ❜ ❛  it  cut  deep ,  to  know  you .  right  to  the  bone .  ❜ ❛  that  made  me  want  to  die .  ❜ ❛  the  idea  you  had  of  me ,  who  was  she ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  my  homeland ,  anymore .  ❜ ❛  the  greatest  loves  of  all  time  are  over ,  now .  ❜ ❛  i  might  be  okay ,  but  i’m  not  fine  at  all .  ❜ ❛  if  my  wishes  came  true ,  it  would’ve  been  you .  ❜ ❛  it’s  been  a  long  time .  ❜ ❛  it  wasn’t  right ,  the  way  it  all  went  down .  ❜ ❛  i  could  feel  you  sneaking  in .  ❜ ❛  take  my  hand .  ❜

#this is entirely self indulgent #rp meme #lyric meme #rp sentence starters #lyric starters #◜𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 › memes !

[marvelslut16]

Betty

Pairing: Steve Harrington x reader

Word count: 1.8k

Summary: Based off of Taylor Swift's Betty, so it's written in Steve's pov. You're away for an internship the entire summer, and Steve is lonely and tempted by Nancy.

Warnings: Angst. Cheating. Swearing. Alludes to sex, but no graphic descriptions of it, but still minors DNI. My bad writing. Steve is a whole asshole.

A/N: I was supposed to be writing a valentines fic, but Betty kept coming up on shuffle and I ended up writing this. This isn't edited so I'm sorry if there's a typo, or if it just sucks. It's also canon divergent, the timeline doesn't match the show exactly. I used a season 1 gif because I could totally see season 1 Steve doing what he does in this fic.

My breath catches in my throat when I drive by your house and I catch a glimpse of the rose garden you love so much, the one your dad planted for your mom years ago when they got into a fight. I’m driving Dustin to meet his friends at the pool one last time before the school year starts up again. This time last year you were riding shotgun hand sitting atop mine on the gearshift, Dustin sitting in the back and the two of you were belting out the lyrics to juke box hero with no care in the world. It was so nice and refreshing seeing you this way, you were always guarded at school, scared that Tommy H. and Carol would find the smallest thing to make fun of you for. But with me you let your real personality show, and it was you, Dustin, and me against the world.

But now you're not here, you got an offer to intern for the Governor and you couldn’t turn that down. The plans of picnics and countless pool dates, carefree normal dates that we never got to have because we started dating after the upside down open up and evil was lurking behind every corner, all those plans were thrown out the window when you chose to spend the entire summer in Indianapolis, away from me. I called you that first week in June and told you I was going to come visit you at your hotel, but you told me no because you didn’t have free time and you didn’t want me to be stuck in the room all day while you were working. At least that’s the excuse you used, but I got in my head and I started to worry that I wasn’t good enough for you, that you’re too smart for me.

So when Nancy, fresh out of yet another break up with Jonathan, pulled up next to me in her mom’s car when I was walking home because my dad got mad and took my car away again, I couldn’t tell her no. We drove around and talked for the first time since she dumped me, and it was cathartic, you taught me that word when we were studying for the SAT’s. I made the worst mistake of my life that night, Nancy pulled off onto a secluded side street, leaned across the center console and kissed me. My initial reaction was to push her off of me, she wasn’t you, but she was wearing your perfume. Nancy always liked the sweet stuff, but I never liked it, it was too floral and it always made me sneeze. But that night, she was wearing your perfume, it was spicy and if I closed my eyes tight enough I could pretend I was kissing you. I could pretend that you were with me and not in that fancy hotel room in Indianapolis where you could meet another intern that was smarter than me, and you’d realize you’re too good for me. You weren’t here, your dreams took you away from me, and I knew in the moment you told me about the internship that your dreams would take you away from me for good one day.

One night turned into two, which turned into seven, and that turned into every night for a month. I would drop Dustin off wherever he was meeting his friends and Nancy would do the same with Mike, my eyes would meet hers and the next thing I knew would be in the back of one of our cars or in my bedroom because my parents went away on business again. I always swore I would never be like my father, never cheat on my girl so many times that she’d have to come on trips with me just so I would keep it in my pants and I wouldn’t stray. But there I was, two weeks into your internship and I had already spent multiple nights with Nancy.

Nancy wore your perfume the entire summer, I don’t know if she did it on purpose, I think she might have, but it really was the only reason I caved the first night. I missed you so much and I just wanted you safe in my arms, back home where you belong. I was desperate to feel you again, and like with the kiss, I could close my eyes and pretend it was you I was falling in bed with. As the weeks went on I came to terms with the fact that it was Nancy that would fall apart in my arms and not you, but every time I came down from my high I thought endlessly of you. I thought of the way you would bite the eraser of your pencil to keep from laughing when I still wouldn’t get a math problem when you had already explained it to me multiple times during lunch. Or the way your body looked in your swimsuit that night you spent at my house last September, my parents were away and she said you were sleeping at a friends, and we stayed up until way past one in the morning just goofing around in the pool; you caught a cold later that week, the air was too cold for your wet hair.

But when all of those happy memories would fade I would think of the start of my insecurities, our junior prom. Ever since I had fallen out of popularity I hated going to school functions like dances, but you had putted when I told you I didn’t want to go to prom, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. I made a big deal of asking you at one of the basketball games, the cheerleaders danced to waiting for a girl like you at half time, it was our song. You of course said yes, and I was ecstatic when you made sure my tie matched your dress a million times because you didn’t want the colors to be off, and when I spent an hour picking out the best corsage for you. But when we entered the dance, I don’t know what happened, I just knew I wanted to be anywhere that wasn’t in that suffocating gym. So I left you leaning against the closed bleachers while I went to get some air, left you swaying to your favorite REO Speedwagon song.

It shouldn’t have surprised me when I walked back in and I saw you dancing and singing to Bohemian Rhapsody with Billy, of course he would take this opportunity to make me look worse to our classmates. My girlfriend was dancing with the guy that dethroned me, who says he wouldn’t take you from my clutches next. At the end of the night you swore to me that the only reason you danced with Billy was because you didn’t want to embarrass him by saying no, and that you wanted to dance. In hindsight I should have danced with you that night, you love dancing and I just left you for the taking. But really, you sowed the seed of doubt in my brain, so who could blame an insecure teen for doing what I did?

One day in August when my parents and Nancy's were home, we pulled into an alley and started to go at it in the backseat of my car, the same spot where you cuddled up to my side and told me about your future, our future, outside of Hawkins. I buried my face in Nancy’s neck while she rode me, that way I could smell your perfume and I wouldn’t have to look at Nancy and be taken out of my dream. I didn’t notice when Tommy H. and Carol walked over to the car to see who was fogging up the windows. I didn't notice until it was too late, until Carol had seen everything, Nancy’s blouse was pulled open, her skirt pushed up around her hips, and my pants pulled down my thighs. There was no mistaking what we were doing, and when I locked eyes with her I knew I was screwed. Carol hated you, but she hated me more, there was no way that she wouldn’t tell you what she saw.

Carol was waiting for you at your house when Robin picked you up from the train station, at least that’s what Carol told me. She rubbed it in my face that she beat me to you, that she had told her everything she saw, that she told you about the entire summer. I know that if Carol told you this without Robin you wouldn’t have believed the bully, but I know Robin would never lie to you and she’ll tell you that I never hung out with her once this summer. All I can hope is that when I stop by later you’ll give me a chance to explain, I was just a desperate horny teenager, but I missed you and thought about you the entire time. Nancy means nothing to me, but you mean everything.

Your family is having a small get together to celebrate the end of your internship and to welcome you back home, Robin and I are the only friends you invited. I was counting down the days until this party, until I could see you again, but not after Carol told you what I did. For weeks I dreamt of you running into my arms and kissing me in front of Robin and your family, of holding you close and making everything right. I wasn’t planning on telling you about my summer fling with Nancy, but now that you know I’ll do everything in my power to get you to forgive me, get you to hold my hand and rock out to Foreigner with Dustin while we drive around Hawkins again.

Now I’m on your doorstep holding a bouquet of red roses, and all I can do is hope you’ll hear me out. Hope you won’t slam the door in my face and tell me to go fuck myself, hope that you’ll lead me to the rose garden, away from everyone else, and let me explain. I hope that you’ll let me kiss you, let it be everything I’ve dreamt of since you left, let it be enough to fix what’s happened between us. When I finally build up the courage to ring your doorbell you answer, Robin by your side. You look sad, crushed even, and it fills me with guilt, but Robin is glaring at me, if looks could kill I would be dead. How can either of you really blame me for what happened? I’m just a horny teen I didn’t know any better, but I know that I missed you desperately the entire time.

“Go fuck yourself.”

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction