#2. that is exactly two episodes worth of plot hello | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honesthammie · 3 years

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From my prompt list:

4) After reaching your 16th birthday you gain the ability to see everyone's red strings of fate and on your 18th you finally get to see yours, except yours dissappears into the ground/sky.

Fandom:Doctor who

Pairing: 13 x gender neutral reader

This is my first fic on tumblr. I know its hella long and not all of my fics will be like this. This came to me from a dream I had recently. I love Jodie and I decided to write the spider episode from a different perspective. I may have change the episode slightly to fit the reader. I am thinking of doing a part 2 but it may be a while before I do as I have deadlines and stuff to keep up with. The next part may be more fluff between 13 and yourself. I know this didn't have much but it's something. I'm also sorry to any Americans reading this, I love yas but its just the personality I put to go with the readers personality. I'm also sorry for any spelling mistakes as I'm doing this on my phone.

Summary: spider episode with a small change I'm plot to accommodate your beautiful self in this fic

Warnings: slight description of a couple of panic/anxiety attacks, swearing and a bit of angst. Long intro for small fluff. And it's a part 1 do I guess a small cliffhanger is a warning?

Beep beep beep. Your alarm starts blaring in your ears, waking you up with a start. You glare at the interrupting machine before turning it off. After such a crazy night, you did not want your sleep so rudely interrupted. Why did you have a crazy night? It's your 18th birthday today and your friends decided to visit your place for a little house party, last night, to celebrate and now you have a pounding headache.

You groaned as you realised, you would need to take some pain meds before you even think about going back to sleep. Slipping out of your bed, you walk to the bathroom and find the cupboard with all sorts of medicinal and bathroom bits and bobs. You then grab the glass that you placed there in preparation for the definite hangover. The glass was a little cold to the touch but you filled it with some cool water from the sinks tap.

You took two, just so you could have a longer sleep. You waddle back into your bedroom and just as you get comfy, you widen your eyes at the memory. You needed to see your mother today, she said she had a gift for you but she would only be at home until 11. You looked at the machine that you hated for the time. It was currently 10:05. You jumped to your feet and rush to get ready.

As you walked outside, you saw the regular red strings that you saw everyday. Why do you see strings? You honestly didn't know, but you knew their purpose, it helped match 2 soulmates together. But something seemed a little off, there was no one on the street anymore, so why could you still see one line of destiny? You decided to follow the string south, down to your own (s/c) hand which was now slightly shaking at the sight.

"Fuck. Fuck,fucky fucking fuck. Why now? Why me? What the shit is going on with me?" You curse to yourself. You could feel your breath getting rapid and your head started spinning slightly. You quickly unlocked your car and sat down to help calm you down. You took a few deep breaths and focused on your senses.

When you eventually calmed down, you decided to look at where the string led. Oh, how you shouldn't have looked. It didn't go in any way of a compass, it went straight up and past the clouds. How? You had so many questions but you had to focus on the day ahead.

You had been to your mothers house and collected your new (fave game series) and your card. You were incredibly thankful as you have been saving up to buy it for yourself one day. You had played the previous games and loved every one of them and to say you were excited was an understatement. You almost ran back into your place if it wasn't for needing the key to access the gates.

Living in a gated community helped you feel a lot safer but it did also make you a big target for thieves to practise picking locks. No one had figured out where the hidden camera that kept alerting the authorities was though. Even you have tried put of plain curiosity but you got stumped after the 10th day of searching. You were sure you looked in every possible hiding spot, yet the camera always seemed to evade you in the pointless game of hide and seek.

As you unlocked the gate, you felt a twitch on your finger. The string was moving down and at a very fast pace, almost falling speed. You looked up and saw a small black dot heading towards the ground, if thats your soulmate, they would certainly be dead the second they meet their fate. When you could no longer see the dot, you kept your eyes glued to the string, waiting for it to disappear like everyone else's did when a soulmate died.

After five minutes, the string was still there and was still as red as ever, like no harm had come to them. But thats not possible. No creature could survive that especially from that great a height! You were beyond curious and quickly went into your living room and searched on all your social media for anyone else that may have spotted the dot in the sky, yet no one had but you knew (b/f) had another massive fight with their roommate, Stella, over whose turn it was to do the dishes again.

If you didn't know that Stella was in a relationship with another, you would have sworn those two were in a relationship. You giggled at the silly thought, "if Stella ever goes through a break up with her, I'm totally gonna set those two up."

You give up on finding anything out today, maybe it'll be on the news tomorrow and you set off to go on an online shopping spree, you had a few codes and now, thanks to your wonderful mother, had a little cash to spare and you did see that gorgeous top on sale. Once you had spent the day either shopping or gaming you decided to head to bed but you couldn't stop thinking about that dot and what the red string meant for you.

When your alarm had went off, you hit it and got dressed for your new job at some hot shot posh hotel run by an aspiring American with High expectations and little experience with Sheffield. You had been told you wouldn't get to meet him much and you were beyond fine with that, you hated Americans, simply because you hated violence and guns were the big no on your weaponry list of avoidance. You didn't mind weapons in video games, those were harmless to the outside world. You didn't mind verbal violence though, it was all you had to defend yourself with and in Sheffield, that was better than nothing. You were very short tempered when it came to your anger but you found that it was either verbal or physical, you chose to be verbal.

You looked at your phone for any messages from (b/f) and had a good luck message. You replied with a smiley face and a "ill need all the luck I can get. I've heard from a few employees that he can be a real asshole for no reason and fires people just because they made eye contact for too long. It's like he suspects someone is out for his blood."

After 2 minutes you received a reply from from them. "You better be on your best behaviour then, young lady!"

"That's the problem. I wonder what the record is for the quickest a person has got fired? Because I may break that, you know me! I don't exactly do as I'm told, that's why finding a job has been so hard. Anyway, I best get ready, gotta look the part! First impressions and all!" You replied with a nervous face. What you failed to notice was the red string no longer pointing towards the sky and you were making it shorter with every step you took. You did give up on finding out about the strange dot and came to the assumption that it fell in a lake, there were plenty of them around.

You walked into the swanky looking hotel and noticed the cobwebs that definitely were not there two days ago when you had your interview, yet they looked like they had been there for weeks. You would have put it down to Halloween decorations if it wasn't for the fact that it was June. You decided to not ask in case this was some sort of strange new American trend that your boss was following to help bring in the youth. It does help make it fit into Sheffield a lot more with the run down and abandoned look. It would need some rust, water damage, mold and cracks to finish the look but it was a start. If you had to be honest, the spider webs helped bring the place together. It was way too posh for Sheffield but you had to lie and say you love it in order to get hired. Just from that lie alone you knew exactly the personality of your boss, arrogant, vain and ignorant.

"Hello, you must be my new helper! I'm Najia, your second in command here. As you can see, there are loads of spider webs so they should be priority. If you could start cleaning in the south west second floor and continue that floor, that would be amazing. Now here's your cleaning trolley and if you happen to finish the floor early, send me a little message through the walkie talkie and I'll give you another room or floor. Do you have any questions?" Najia spoke softly. She seemed lovely and it was shame that she had to be in a place that would get more damage than its worth.

"Just one question: why so many spider webs?"

"I don't know, they just seemed to have appeared, I thought it was silly string from some teenagers that managed to break in somehow but it is actual spider web. It wasn't here when I left last night. I guess I'll have to ask someone about that."

And with that you separated and got to your floor when you finally noticed a slight burning sensation on your finger, it wasn't hurtful. It was like putting the finger in a really hot bath. You looked down and noticed it now pointed downhill and seemed to be glowing a shade of gold ever so gently that you would miss it if the weird sensation didn't make you look.

You left your trolley outside a toilet to make it seem like you were in there when really you had wondered off to follow the string. You would probably lose yourself in the maze of hallways that all looked the same as the last if the string didn't help lead you to a ballroom. You opened the door and instantly screamed. A giant spider was walking towards you, however you couldn't get out, you had used a staff door which needed a key card to use from this side as the other side still needed to be fitted and you left yours in the trolley, near the toilets. And the massive spider seemed to be blocking the other way out so you were trapped.

You weren't scared of spiders but seeing them at the size of a van did intimidate you. You started shaking from fear of what it would do to you. Out of pure instinct, you put your hand out to protect yourself and the sound of 8 legs against wooden flooring had ceased. The only sound was your laboured breathing. It stayed like this for what seemed like hours but in actuality was only 5 minutes. You opened your eyes slowly to see 8 more stare right back. 8 eyes that showed fear but no intention of harm. Instead the spider gave you space to breathe by walking back a few feet. Then it seemed to be watching you, studying your next move to see if you were a threat and whether or not it should kill you.

You stayed still for a moment, wrapping your head around what had just happened before gently walking towards the creature with both hands forward to show them clean of weapons. You decided to try and speak to the spider to see if it can understand you.

"Hello. I'm new around here, I'm sorry if I'm trespassing on your area, I wasn't aware of you being here to be honest. I mean you no harm, if anything, I want to help you but unfortunately, I'm stuck in here aswell." You spoke carefully as if it was a child that was afraid. You gently put your hand in its head and it seemed to understand your good intentions and your situation as it let you pet it. Now you were close, you started to admire it and realised it wasn't poisonous or venomous, it was just a regular house spider. But you couldn't figure out how or why it got this big but it did explain the cobwebs everywhere.

You had been with the spider for hours and it seemed like Najia either didn't care or has gotten fired as she hasn't asked about you. You had spent the time talking or singing to the spider. She, as you found out after looking it up, seemed to put her body around you to protect you. You had even met a couple of her children as they gave you food from the cafeteria to nibble on when your stomach growled.

Eventually the burning on your fingers turned up massively and was causing you pain. The spider seemed to sense this and wrapped her web around your finger to help cool it down a little. It didn't help but you showed gratitude anyway as she was only trying to help in anyway she could. You gave her a small smile and her eyes seemed to show sympathy in return.

Then the doors opened again and the sound of several feet walked in. "Oh thank god. I thought I was never going to be found in here." You thought to yourself as you heard the voices mumble to each other and probably about Betty and what's the best way to get rid of her. You would have paid more attention if your finger didn't feel like it had caught fire and was tight as if your soulmate was amongst those that had walked in.

Now you were nervous. How would you introduce yourself? What did they look like? Were they male or female, not that you really cared? So many questions made you feel lightheaded so you grabbed onto Betty to keep yourself planted.

Then the door opened again and a familiar voice echoed in the hall and you knew exactly how he'd want to deal with Betty and after your bond today, you would rather die than her. She was obviously innocent here and maybe the others could see it. Then you heard the familiar click of a gun safety being taken off and your body reacted before your mind did and you jumped in front of her to stop him, although you had a feeling it wouldn't, but it was worth a shot for the others to stop him.

"Don't you fucking dare shoot that gun Dickhead! Not without going through me!" You spoke with fire in your eyes and maybe a slight mix if fear aswell. That's when you looked over at the new group of people. They all seemed trustworthy enough.

There was Najia, who welcomed you here earlier and she looked sad, so she had definitely been fired. Then there was another woman who looked a lot like her, you guessed she was a daughter or something and she was pretty and definitely somone with authority with the way she stood and held herself, maybe she is a police officer? A man who looked as though he was in his 50s and definitely did not belong in this weird group. A young man who looked of a similar age to the police woman, maybe they are friends.

Then you laid your eyes on one of the most beautiful woman, no, human, you had ever seen and would probably never see again. She had short blonde hair in a bob. They seemed to be brunette at the root. She had beautiful chocolate honey eyes that glimmers with so much emotion and age well beyond her years, like she had experienced thousands of years before this moment. You also noticed her odd sense of style but you admired her boldness and it did look amazing on her. You decided she could only be described as sunshine and rainbows.

Then you noticed her hand And a familiar red string that was also glowing a beautiful subtle gold. Like millions of tiny golden stars circled around the string in a beautiful dance of love. Your eyes started to follow the string down and back to your own. She was your soulmate. That goddess that stood before you, was to be yours forever some day.

Then you looked into her hypnotic eyes before you remembered where you were and what situation you were in. And you realised everyone was staring at you for your previous action towards a spider.

"If you want to keep your job, I'd suggest you move out of the way silly girl!" Your boss grumbled in a threatening tone.

"Nope. You are about to hurt an innocent creature that is stuck and terrified. You built on top of landfill and didn't bother to check and thought of no consequences. This is your fault. Is this how you would treat a child that was a mistake after a one night stand or something? Would you shoot a child that had no choice?" You spoke with confidence yet more nerves now she was there listening to every word. When he didn't answer you shouted "Answer me! Would you shoot your mistake of a child?"

He glared at you. "This is different. This is an animal. A pest. It needs to be killed so more can't be born! I made my mistake and now I'm fixing it!" He bellowed just seconds before a shot was made from his gun. You had expected pain but instead you heard a horrible shriek from behind you.

You quickly turned around and petted her whilst whispering sweet words as she took her last breath. You stood up and made your way over to the murderer. You couldn't stand him and you were so tempted to take his gun and shoot him with it, but you didn't. With fire in your eyes and pure hatred, you slapped him hard enough to leave a mark and maybe a bruise as a reminder of his shitty choices. "You can't fire me because I fucking quit you arrogant dick! She had caused no harm to you or I and I'm sure if you would have sorted it sooner, so many more lives could have been saved as she only had humans because flies didn't fill her anymore! She was so kind and just so afraid. I hope you lose everything you pathetic sad sack of boiled shit! You are truest one of the lowest excuses for a human I have ever met and if we meet again please be very afraid, because next time, it won't just be a slap you have to worry about! It'll be your balls as I cut them off beacuse men like you shouldn't repopulate the planet! You horrid scum! I hope your empire fucking collapses!" You spoke with venom lacing every word. You were seething and boy did his face look punchable. Instead you walked away with your middle finger proudly being the last thing he sees as you walk out the normal doors.

Once you were outside, you sat in the steps and finally let out all the emotions. You cried so hard, over your loss of yet another job and a newly found friend. You screamed at him with a string of curses that would offend just about anybody. You suddenly felt somone sit at the side of you. You knew who it was when the string was burning more than ever before and yet you couldn't feel it over the pain your heart.

"You did brilliant back there. You chose, not just your job, but your life over a creature you barely even knew! If you wouldn't have jumped in when you did, I don't think her children would've had a chance to escape to my TARDIS because he's going on a hunt right now for the rest of them. Sure, you didn't save her but you saved so many more lives than you think. And I know each one is eternally grateful for what you did. I know I would be." Her words were certain and sympathetic. They seemed to calm you down instantly. Or maybe is was the way she talked that helped with her soft but strong voice and you knew you already couldn't get enough like it was the best drug ever. You could listen to her all day and yet, she had said very little to you. It was a strange effect but you liked it.

She fell into a silence for a while just keeping you company as you came to terms with had happened.

#thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #thirteenth doctor #doctor who

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tarhalindur · 3 years

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Rebellion’s Biggest Outstanding Question

(Big fat PMMM+Rebellion spoilers under the cut, natch:)

Homura, at the end of Rebellion, believes that she is rebelling against Madoka’s will. But is she actually doing so? Or is she acting in accordance with it?

Let me explain.

I’ll start with the point I’m sold on either way (and have commented on at least twice before, including my explanation of Madoka’s other big mistake): Rebellion is directly downstream of Madoka making a single mistake immediately after her ascension in episode 12, a moment when she could not afford to make any mistake at all. Much like Madoka’s other big mistake in episode 10, this one is not obvious on the surface and only becomes clear when looking at the events through a symbolic lens.

Specifically, a Buddhist symbolic lens.

I’ll leave the full explanation there to this post, which lays out the Buddhist influence on base PMMM’s themes and imagery and on Madokami’s ascension better than I could. (Although its author is missing a few points. First, the shot of Madoka expanding to galaxy size is DIRECTLY out of ego death symbolism. Which makes sense, because there’s enough accounts to suggest that regardless of whether or not it has any deeper meaning beyond brain chemistry the people who’ve had it are describing a single class of subjective experience, and “one’s consciousness expanding to the size of the galaxy” seems to be a common feature of it - I’ve read at least one account of that kind of experience from, of all people, a random Protestant minister who claims to have had such an experience on a vision trip to the Amazon and only later realized that there was precedent for that kind of experience in Buddhist traditions, and he mentions that exact expansion as part of what he went through. Second, the flower on Madoka’s bow is a rose, not a willow... which makes sense, because “Guanyin/Kannon and the Virgin Mary are two aspects of the same goddess” has been a theory in certain parts for at least a century, and the rose has a traditional association with the latter goddess - there’s a reason they call it the rosary, after all. (I’ve seen speculation out of a few polytheist/less orthodox Christian circles I keep tabs on that Pistis Sophia is yet another aspect of the same goddess, too...) Third, note all the mandala symbolism floating around - most obviously Walpurgisnacht’s appearance and Kyubey’s exposition in episode 11.)

And that influence is important here, because part of the process of the escape from samsara is the breaking of all karmic ties to the world.

Except... Madoka does not do this. She leaves one karmic tie behind.

This one, to be precise:

Now, in theory it’s possible that the tainted miracle of Homura remembering Madoka has another root. But I have my doubts, and the biggest piece of evidence there is the OST: the track that plays when Homura meets Junko in the finale and offers to give up the ribbons is named Taenia Memoriae, aka “the ribbon of memories”. HMM,

(That Junko scene is in this regards the single most enigmatic scene of the main series finale to me. My instinct is that it’s drawing off of Christian mythos again, either canonical or Gnostic, but I can’t quite place what piece; I kind of want to compare it specifically to the Denial of Peter.)

Now, there’s two other pieces here that are worth noting.

1) While Homulilly is described as the Nutcracker Witch in Rebellion, Homulilly’s name and Witch card are first revealed in the PSP game, and there she goes by a rather different epithet: Witch of the Mortal World, nature is karma. Which is rather on the nose (the Mortal World [shigan] being another term for samsara), but then that’s probably by design - main series PMMM is not subtle at all when it wants to make a point. And it is this epithet, not the Nutcracker Witch, that the Doppel versions of Homulilly in MagiReco draw off of, which suggests the staff considered it important. (There’s a second distinction in the latter, because Moemura’s version of the Doppel implies that Homulilly’s nature was originally slightly different again - Witch of the Mortal World, nature is closed circuits - but I think for our purposes here this is a difference without true distinction, much like the Witch of the Near Shore pun for swimsuit!Moemura’s version of Homulilly.) And there’s echoes of this even in Rebellion: the Clara Dolls are of course referred to as the Children of the Mortal World, plus of course the obvious “Homulilly’s Rebellion barrier as the Mortal World” take. (Which, hmm. Hello second-order symbolism - Homura failing to “break out of the egg” as failure to escape the cycle of samsara.)

2) The red ribbons of course suggest a very specific form of karmic tie - the Red String of Fate. And you can be very, very sure that the staff intended that, too. To drag a certain piece of key animation back out from storage:

While it’s hard to tell at this size, it sure looks to my eyes like the two ends are specifically tied around the girls’ pinkies. You know, exactly where the proverbial Red String is said to be tied.

Or, to put it another way: AI YO.

Everything in Rebellion is downstream of this.

But all this is prologue. Now that we have established the mistake, we can address the actual outstanding question: Did Madoka intend to make that mistake? People have noted the applicability of Junko’s comments about intentionally making a big mistake when backed into a corner to Homura’s actions in Rebellion; do they also apply to the action Madoka took that led to that?

I am not sure. Both cases are consistent, and I’d put about even odds either way. But it’s the affirmative case I want to lay out here, to show that it does in fact exist:

- Let’s start with the one point someone else might bring up that I don’t really weight: Madoka’s final conversation with Homura in the flower bed. This one, I think, can mostly be discarded. We have word from both Kyubey and Sayaka that Madoka does not have her memories here; I can’t see both of them lying here. (Also remember that Kyubey seems to have restriction that is sometimes said to apply to demons, at least under certain circumstances: he cannot directly tell a lie. This is of course a very different thing from having to tell the truth, as episode 9 alone is enough to attest, but in this specific case it’s a boost to his credibility.) If there’s an actual argument here, it’s a second-order one; it is possible, especially given her divine abilities, that Madokami was running a Xanatos Gambit and counting on her amnesiac projection to unwittingly relay her true feelings. (In which case I would have to grab a certain infamous line from another well-known anime: “Just as planned”.)

- That one shot of Madokami’s gloved, scarred arm reaching down through the window to touch Homura. Operative word scarred. (And honestly, looking at one of the subs for that scene again Madoka’s comments there look potentially consistent with her actually supporting of or at least accepting Homura becoming a demon...)

- Mata Ashita, specifically the lyrics thereof. With the perspective of the full series, Madoka’s character song is fairly clearly from the perspective of Madokami, and it’s suggestive that she is not entirely happy with the results of her wish and ascension.

- The fact that Rebellion happened at all. There’s a complaint that I’ve seen regarding the mechanics of the Incubators’ plot in Rebellion: logically, by the wording of Madoka’s final wish the Incubators’ plan to use the Isolation Field to block the Law of Cycles should not work, since part of Madoka’s wish was to rewrite any rule or law that would prevent her from destroying Witches with her own hands, including the one the Incubators set up with their Isolation Field - doubly so if you take Madokami’s statement can see every world that ever existed or could ever exist and apply it to the Sealed Reality the experiment generates. Except... there is one way that argument fails, regardless of anything else: namely, if Madoka saw what the Incubators were doing and intentionally allowed their experiment to proceed. And at this point there is precedent for her doing something very similar; AIUI in her Magical Girl Story in MagiReco Madokami does something very similar wrt the MagiReco timeline, deliberately declining to destroy it despite its continued existence conflicting with the Law of Cycles.

(- Magia. This point of argument I’m not convinced of either, but let’s lay it out. (Honestly, even if I’m right I’m not sure how much of this was consciously intended, but creations can have a life of their own - especially creations where fucking natural disasters delay them so that they’re released on the most appropriate day possible!) There’s two pieces to this, one I’m more sure of than the other:

1) The visuals. Here’s the spot where I feel most solid about interpreting Magia: the ED visuals are clearly a reference to Madokami’s ascension. (The show loves hiding that sort of foreshadowing in plain sight, why would you be surprised?) Note the second half particularly, both Madoka’s hair lengthening and the starfield she’s running past. (I think the order of the four other girls in the first half is probably how long they held out without Witching out.) That leaves two issues, one more obvious to Western audiences and one less so. First, that enigmatic and ominous shot of Madoka in fetal position (appropriate - her request in 10 and then her wish in 12 can be rephrased as “don’t let me grow up”) in the eye of Mephisto. Second, there’s a point I’ve seen raised in analyses of Connect: in Japanese cinematography, motion from right to left indicates a correct course (unlike its Western equivalent, where the opposite applies)... and for the entirety of Magia Madoka is moving left-to-right.

2) The lyrics. This is the part I’m less sold on, but once again let’s lay out the affirmative. My line here derives from a hunch: Connect is famously from Homura’s perspective despite appearing to be from Madoka’s, perhaps the inverse is also true? I’m still not sure there, but especially if you’re considering the TV version it can work... provided the lyrics are specifically from Madokami’s perspective again. Grabbing the wiki version of the translation: “The light of love lit within your eyes will transcend time” sure fits better if we’re talking about Homura rather than about Madoka, likewise “with this power that can break even darkness” sure sounds like a better fit for Madokami to me. And in that case the most interesting stanza is the second: “Swallow down your hesitation. What is it that you wish for? With the direction of this greedy admiration, will there be a short-lived tomorrow?” The former two lines are quite consistent with Homura’s decision in Rebellion (and I note the visual of Homura biting down on her Soul Gem to break it!), and “tomorrow” is consistently a reference to the possibility of Homura and Madoka meeting again in other PMMM songs (Mata Ashita again, Colorful, Connect full version) - which is realized courtesy of a greedy admiration, no less. So. Magia’s full version might count, too - there’s lines there that are harder to square from a Madokami perspective (”if I can move forward without hesitation then it’s fine if my heart gets broken” especially), but “Someday, for the sake of someone else, you too will wish for great power; on the night love captures your heart, unknown words will be born” fits Homura’s fall better than Madoka’s wish, I think.)

- If Madoka’s mistake in 12 is intentional then it more closely mirrors her (unintentional) mistake in 10: she’s implicitly asking Homura to once again do something she can’t and stop her from/alleviate the effects of her making a mistake.

- At a Doylist level, if they go for a proper happy end (either in Walpurgis no Kaiten or in a hypothetical sequel to the same) I’m not sure there’s any way they can get there without using this interpretation. (In general, the two outcomes that make the most sense to me are “Akuhomu becomes the core of Walpurgisnacht, cue ending scene with Moemura making her wish” (the Logic Error ending, consistent with the Eternal Return of the Self; cue MagiReco as the way out) or an ending based on the answer to this question being yes - the easy version being a movie of everyone except Homura fighting to let Madoka rejoin the Law of Cycles only for her to surprise everyone with some sort of ending based on “actually, I was counting on her to do this from the start”.)

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bettsfic · 3 years

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march pinned: ending the sex project

in the march edition of my lowkey writing-related newsletter, in addition to my writing-related post roundup and upcoming consultation availability, i have personal essay recommendations and a segment on the definition of a project!

for more information on my creative coaching services, check out my carrd.

if you want to receive my lowkey writing-related newsletter directly, you can subscribe here.

full newsletter below the cut, or you can read it here.

fuck february, amiright?

i thought january was bad. but february. february was the stuff of nightmares. my cousin passed away from covid (you can read about her here; she was really an amazing person and i feel so lucky to have known her). i was finally formally diagnosed with PCOS (bittersweet, i guess). my car broke down. i took two (2) days off and it took me two and a half weeks to get caught up again. i can only hope march treats us all a little more gently.

the good news is, i finished revisions on my short story collection to send to my agent, finished workshop submissions for the semester, and now i can return to my first love, fanfiction. that i am constantly working through original fiction to return to fanfiction has been making me think a lot about the nature of a creative, capital-p Project. so, this month’s BTALA (been thinkin a lot about) is going to inspect the concept of a “project.”

new resource

last month i unveiled a folder of my favorite short stories which i’m pleased to hear several of you have perused and gotten some inspiration from. this month i’ve compiled my favorite personal essays. there are fewer essays than there are short stories because i’ve broken them into two groups: personal and craft. next month i hope to have the craft essays compiled.

i’m always looking for more things to love, so if you have recommendations for your favorite short stories and essays, i’d be happy to hear them!

writing-related posts

how to physically maneuver the revision process

the difference between M and E ratings of fic

resources for worldbuilding (check out the reblogs for more!)

a couple syntax/prose book recs

how to break a long work into chapters

march availability

unfortunately i have to cut my coaching hours down a bit, so i don’t have any openings left in march, but i have some availability in april. if you’re interested in a writing consultation, please fill out this google form!

you can learn more about my services on my carrd.

what i’m into rn

for the past year, i’ve basically been trapped in a 10x10 room, and my health is definitely reflecting that, both mentally (does anyone else feel like they’re living in groundhog day? just, every day being exactly the same except fractionally worse than the day before??) and physically (i reorganized the kitchen and could barely move for two days).

reader, i have discovered something called “walking,” in which i put on real human shoes and go outside. it feels strange, bestial. neighbors wave hello to me. a harrowing experience.

while doing this, this walking, i’ve been listening to the lolita podcast which a friend recommended to me, a ten-episode series that dives into everything lolita: the novel itself, its context, adaptations, greater cultural responses, and — as a sticker on my laptop says — vladimir “russian dreamboat” nabokov. as far as i can tell it seems well-researched and presents the many perspectives of lolita in a fair way. i’m only a few eps in, but i’m entranced so far. highly recommended if you, like me, have a complicated relationship with lolita.

i’ve also found myself mildly addicted to a mobile otome game called obey me, which. look i know it’s like the definition of cringe but it’s also mind-numbingly fun and if i want to spend my minimal free time pretending 7 demon brothers are all vying for my affection then that’s between me and god. it’s a lot of what i loved about WoW: frequent events, bright colors, a daily to do list of simple but satisfying tasks, many many rewards, and it doesn’t take itself very seriously. and if i have 4k fic written of mammon/reader that’s nobody’s business but mine and my longsuffering ao3 subscribers.

i’m telling you this because i don’t know anyone else who plays it and am desperate to trade headcanons. so if you play, or start playing, hit me up!! i will give u mad tips and daily AP.

been thinkin a lot about

the project. the project. even the word “project.” PROject (noun). proJECT (verb). what is the project? “project” comes from the latin pro and jacare which means “to throw forward,” or projectum which means “something prominent.” a projector throws forward an image. to project onto something means to throw your perspective onto something else. to embark on a project is to make something prominent in your life. the concept of “the projects” comes from public housing projects, the government throwing forward affordable housing.

what is the project? in joseph harris’ essay “coming to terms” he says that “to define the project of a writer is…to push beyond his text, to hazard a view about not only what someone has said but also what he was trying to accomplish by saying it.” harris’ perspective is that of an english teacher encouraging his students to read critically, not just to summarize a text but to find its project, its greater purpose. and while i first read this essay in a seminar on composition pedagogy, it stuck with me as a writer. it made me reconsider the greater nature of the creative project.

how many of us, if asked to describe our writing project, would begin with a plot or character premise, the nuts and bolts of a specific story? maybe even the working title? but i wonder, is breaking out the plot really the project? is the discipline of sitting down and typing really the project? and when the story is finished, is the project over? what is the project?

in 2019, i wrote 86k words of a novel. i began revising that novel last fall, and i’m finding that i’ll probably keep maybe less than 10k of that initial draft. i’m not bothered by that. the novel i wrote before that started at 125k, then i rewrote the entire thing to 200k, then i whittled it back down to 160k, and next i’ll be tasked with paring it back down to 80k. i’m not bothered by that either. in the past five years or so i’ve written about 2 million words, and i’ve only published 20k of them. only 1% of what i’ve written, i’ve published. in the words of lauren cooper (catherine tate), i’m not bothered.

i used to see publication as the birth of the project, and writing it akin to a long gestation period. then i saw publication as the death of the project, and its life was lived in its drafting. now, publication seems irrelevant to the project. the confines of a story and its many revisions are also irrelevant to the project. the beginning of a story is not the start of the project and the end of the story is not the end of the project. the project is larger than the story, its revisions, its publication, and its eventual readership.

i think it took me so long to see this because for so many years i was still in my first project, the sex project, an exploration of trauma and sexual identity, which began in 2014 with destiel fanfiction, endured through many fandom shifts, my MFA, years adrift as an adjunct, all the way through 2020 with the completion of my short story collection. i used to wonder how anyone could write about anything other than sex. to me it was the only topic worth my attention. i was certain that i would spend my entire life being a sex writer and i’d never find fulfillment writing a young adult sci fi adventure or a highly literary novel about complicated family dynamics. i was baffled by people who were interested in other things, who could write entire novels without using the word “cock” even once.

then my sex project ended. i don’t know when exactly it happened or why, but suddenly i realized i never wanted to write another artful description of an orgasm or find a tactful euphemism for a vagina ever again (personally i prefer “wet cunt” because not only is it blunt, i find it phonetically pleasing). obviously i’m still writing explicit fanfic but it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. sex feels more sidelined to me, even if it’s still the center and drive of a fic. i no longer get any personal satisfaction from writing it, although i do get satisfaction in sharing the work for readers to enjoy.

it’s like i’ve somehow solved the biggest puzzle of my life. or i guess made peace with my meanest monster, that extremely complicated double-mind of desire that some non-sex-repulsed asexuals feel: you want to feel desire you can’t actually feel so you write it into fiction, to try to understand this thing you can’t have and which society tells you you’re missing, and you don’t even know if you don’t have it, because you still feel desire for affection and intimacy, and maybe even a desire to be desired. and for those of us who are asexual and have c-ptsd, sex you don’t actually want (but don’t know you don’t want, because maybe you’re ambivalent and mildly curious and touch-starved) and an unrelenting drive toward people-pleasing can be a dangerous combination. how can you ever know what consent is if you always put other people’s desires above your own?

maybe i’m alone in this. maybe i’m not. maybe for most people, wanting sex is a light switch: yes i want it, or no i don’t. but for me, i had to write a whole lot of words to figure out things like desire, consent, intimacy, forgiveness, the shape that good love takes. the lengthy theoretical flowchart of “i might be interested in having sex if this and this and this and this and this happens in this exact order and under these exact circumstances.”

it was hard to write something into reality that i have never seen except in pieces, in subtext i clung to with no lexicon to give it shape and meaning. te lawrence in lawrence of arabia. some of tarantino’s early work. the film benny and joon. and weirdly, the star wars prequels (that one’s hard to explain; i’ll spare you). i don’t think the sex project was about coming to terms with my asexuality as much as it was trying to organize my thoughts and feelings by continuously rendering my own experiences within a greater, shinier ideal — like how you sometimes have to unravel the entire skein of yarn to find the loose end, and only then can you get started.

i guess i’m in the infancy of the power project now. i’m moving toward themes of control, infamy, greatness. the exact circumstances in which atrocity occurs. how people rise into leadership and fall from grace. the consequences of success. i don’t know why this project has come to me, or what, if anything, it has to do with me. i’m not famous and have no intention of becoming famous; i don’t have social power or influence, at least not beyond my little corner of fandom, and i’m not interested in having it. and yet, here we are, already hundreds of thousands of words in.

my fics digging for orchids (tgcf) and a standing engagement (the hunger games) deal with the detriments of fame. and even float (breaking bad) to a degree is about the aftermath of being so close to power. my novel cherry pop, loosely based on macbeth, is about an ongoing power exchange between two teenage girls. my other novel, vandal, is about a girl who believes she has magic powers and casts a spell on her neighbor to fall in love with her. and i’m in the very early stages of a novel called groundswell, a cult story i’ve been wanting to write for years. i had no idea why i couldn’t write it until i realized it wasn’t yet my project. i’m not even to the stage of developing characters, let alone a premise or plot. i’m still just building my aesthetic pile (i discuss the aesthetic pile here, as well as vandal in more detail), watching documentaries on cults, reading books, finding inspiration, marking down ideas as they come. it may be years before i’m ready to sit down and write it.

now that i know what the project is, i have more patience with myself. it doesn’t bother me to rewrite a novel from the beginning, or to scrap novels altogether, because the story isn’t the project. the project cannot be diminished by cutting words, sentences, paragraphs, entire chapters. the project does not have a product. the project cannot be published. the project is in the practice, in dragging the impossibly large into clear, acute existence, so you can see it. so you can see the very center of what you thought was an unknowable thing.

#pinned #lkwrnl

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eventyrstuff · 4 years

Text

Every Kdrama I’ve watched under the cut, to keep track and for recommendations.

Warning: Spoilers, few unpopular opinions ahead, please bear in mind: to each their own.

2009

· You’re Beautiful – 16 amusing episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? This was the era of female leads pretending to be male (Hana Kimi, Ouran etc), but I still loved it. We follow the story of the female lead (who was a Nun at the beginning) who pretended to be her twin brother and become a part of the country’s current hottest band because her twin had a cosmetic surgery mishap (lol). It’s mostly trying to fit in and try not to get exposed but of course our male lead discovered her true identity thus begin her suffering and second also knows but did not admit it thus begin his unrequited love and comic relief and best character in the series was left in the dark thus begin questioning his sexuality 7/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. Park Shin Hye is love and Jang Geun Seuk’s smile is freaking adorable. 9/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? JEREMY AND SHINWOO AND JOLIE YES. 10/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? MOST DEF. I fell in love with PSH’s “Lovely Day” and “ Without Words”, ANJELL’s “Still” and “Promise” though I prefer Lee Hong Ki’s version 8/10 o Would you rewatch? I’ll definitely rewatch, I would love to compare my opinion back in my tween years and opinion now o Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 6 – Shin Woo and Mi Nam’s pseudo date (totally heartbreaking for tween me) Episode 11 – supermarket scene was the best, Episode 13 – Cooking scenes was hilarious, every scene with Jeremy, TAE KYUNG AND THE PIG o Words Association: GO MI NAM, Pig-Rabbit, JOLIE!, Fly me to the moon, “hyung, vinegar?” o Yes it has overused plots, common conflicts and family drama but the characters and their dynamics are truly worth watching this and if you need a good laugh (this drama has a looooot of funny scenes), this one is for you. 8/10

2011

· Heartstrings – 15 forgotten episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? It’s a college drama involving modern and traditional Korean music. I honest to God forgot the whole drama, I think there was rivalry between the main leads? 6/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Not sure, but if it’s Park Shin Hye, I guess so, sorry I’m shit at remembering this drama o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I forgot so I guess not? o Are the OSTs compelling? I am pretty sure it got an amazing Osts with having Park Shin Hye and CN Blue’s Yong Hwa but the only thing I remember was the song “Byeul” or Star and it was sung by the secondary character but it was really catchy o Would you rewatch? Looks like I need to rewatch since I mostly forgot this drama o Will rate once I have rewatched but if you shipped Yong Hwa and Park Shin Hye’s characters in You’re Beautiful, this one is for you.

Then after years of Jdramas, Anime, Mangas, YA books I returned to Kdramaland in…

2018

· Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo – 16 charming episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? College athletes’ coming of age drama, added a dash of love and friendship and dreams. Strong female lead and affectionate male lead, sign me the fuck up. 9/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED WITH THE LEADS PERSONAL AND LOVE LIVES. YES. 10/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YES EVEN THE CAMEOS (Hello Lee Jong Suk who I haven’t watched any of his drama yet at the time and Ji Soo) 10/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I downloaded 2 of their OSTs (You&I and Dreaming), it was the first Korean songs in my playlist 9/10 o Would you rewatch? Absolutely o Favorite Episode/Scenes: “BOK JOO, WATCH OUT!”, “YOU DIE, I WILL KILL YOU”, Snow kisses, the gang in the amusement park, THAT SCENE WITH JISOO AND JOO HYUK o Word Association: SWAG, Messi, Chicken, Samgyupsal, WHAT, Chubs o I totally recommend to everyone, it has a unique plot, still not over the main lead’s chemistry, you’ll fall in love with the whole story. 10/10

· The Heirs – 20 clichéd episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? It’s your typical rich man poor woman plot, high school setting oozing with alpha males and lots of trope scenes, if only female lead was also an heir or they develop more on her character it will be memorable, I can’t really differentiate with other dramas with the same plot – well except the male lead’s mother is not your typical mother who absolutely hates the female lead 3/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? No, not really more on the secondary characters, both male and female leads are meh 2/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With the mute mother and FL’s bestfriend and his girlfriend yes, everyone else is forgettable 3/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I only remember “Love is a moment” because it was used by fanmade crack videos on youtube ahahaha 2/10 o Would you rewatch? Probably no. o I guess if you are a big fan of Boys Over Flowers and looking for the same genre this one’s for you, this did not really age well for me, probably would have loved this if I watched back when I was in highschool – reminds me of wattpad days. 3/10

· W: Two Worlds – 16 enthralling episodes (Started 2018 Finished 2020)

o Is the plot interesting? The plot is what compelled me to watch this drama, male lead is a webtoon character created by the female lead but made famous by her father. Male lead does not have your best childhood experiences but became really successful as an adult but there are mysterious instances that put his life on danger, the female lead (doctor) was drawn in on the comic and saved his life, unknowingly her actions changed the course of the story and it reflected on the comic in the real world – this was truly a good concept 9/10 because I actually forgot I started this drama last 2018 then rewatched and finished this 2020, I am still confused. o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? THE CHEMISTRY WAS ON THE ROOF ON THIS ONE. I DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS 10/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I was actually more focused on the main leads, did not exactly give much attention to other characters 3/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I only liked “Where are you” but it was sung by that guy who was jailed among other things so I don’t know how I feel now. Still the opening was lit o Would you rewatch? Yes, I will try to fully understand what the mechanics or rules of being a webtoon character and being alive in the real world o Favorite Episode/Scenes: KISS IN THE JAIL was the first thing that came to my mind, also real life scenes to comic scenes and vice versa- kudos to the artists, slap and kiss scene, the flashing scene, 4 romantic concepts scene, the adorable scenes recreating the illustration book, the transition when yeon Joo dropped her ring, the hospital bed scene o Words Association: #4, handcuffs, all the winks, sudden “saranghaeyo”, ring, bus stop, “to be continued” o This drama was amazing for the first 10 episodes then became complicated after, I loved the chemistry between the 2 main leads but unfortunately overpowered the whole story – don’t get me wrong I love love stories, but my reaction was the same as those who read the comics – too much cutesy stuff they forgot the storyline, I wanted them to explore the W show, but they focused on filling the plothole for the murderer which created more conflicts and confusing scenes. The line between the comic and real word created plot devices and more questions. This drama has flaws but cool premise though, I hate amnesia plot on any drama but it was well incorporated on this one. 8/10

· Goblin – 16 amazing Episodes (Finished, rewatched 2020)

o Is the plot interesting? A general in Goryeo dynasty got punished by the Gods to be immortal and his sword still in his chest only the Goblin bride can take it off so he can be at peace and die. Immortal lead with a side of grim reaper as best friend, charming female lead with a confident female boss – a story with reincarnation and ghosts, scenes that will tug your heart – yes, one of Kdrama Masterpiece 10/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? At first no no with the age gap but yes, I say while crying o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HELL TO THE YES, DEOK HWA, GRAMPS, SECRETARY KIM, HELLO CUTIE TAE HEE, SUNNY AND GRIM REAPER 10/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL OSTS, particularly “Round and Round”, “I Miss You”, “Stay with Me” and even without lyrics I still worship “When the time stops” aka the music that speaks to your soul 10/10 o Would you rewatch? YES ALREADY DID BRUH WILL DO AGAIN o Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every bromance scene, I got hooked by the scene in the first ep where Eun Tak celebrated her birthday with her ghost mother, epic goblin and grim reaper modelling in the highway, everytime sunny flips her hair, grim reaper and his guests in the tea shop o Word Association: Canada, sad love, candles, rain, chicken, tea, car crash *sorry not sorry* o Totally recommended, well-deserved on its popularity. Will make you laugh and cry, at the same time. Acting skillz man. 10/10

· Strong Woman Do Bong Soon – 16 whacky episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? Female lead has super strength which was actually passed down to every woman born in her family, she wants to be a game developer but instead got hired as bodyguard of our male lead who is a ceo of a gaming company 8/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I remember that I did, I was? I need to rewatch haha o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I remembered I did not like Ji soo’s character and don’t really remember other characters… o Are the OSTs compelling? Can’t quite remember so I need to - o Would you rewatch? Yeahp, will do o I’ll do a rewatch before rating

I had a watch list back in 2018, but then I became busy with work and life until…

2020 (Details will be more longer since every Kdrama is still fresh on my mind)

· My ID is Gangnam Beauty – 16 pretty episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? Basically, female lead deems herself ugly and undergone a plastic surgery to fully change her face before attending the university – but a popular guy back in highschool (junior high?) was also attending the same uni and recognized her – it’s a mellow sort of drama tackling Korean beauty and it’s extent, still cute story tho 7/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? We must protect Mi-rae at all cost, Cha Eun Woo’s character is a little bit emotionally constipated but Eun Woo is *swoon* 8/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am all for Mi-rae’s family and childhood friend, Kyung Seok’s sister, Yoo eun was very notable as well, I love how her character is completely fair and understanding 7/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? “D-day” and “True” is a bop to listen to, everytime I hear “Something” all I remember is Cha Eun Woo’s slow mo glance, other OST is a bop but not enough for me to put on my playlist 6/10 o Would you rewatch? Probably but not right now o Favorite Episode/Scenes: New face dance, bathroom scene with Kyung Seok beating the shit out of their senior, whenever Kyung Seok is annoyed with Soo-A but total heart eyes mode with Mi Rae, Cinema pseudo date – eating popcorn using straws, when he changed the color of his hair, Kyung Seok’s ID when he was a waiter, their high school date, and that last sweet scene in the final episode o Word Association: gangnam, perfume, plastic, umbrella, soju o I wasn’t planning on watching kdramas again after a long time but this quarantine just makes you do things and no regrets at all, MIIGB probably isn’t the best of the best but it definitely made me want to watch more kdramas and lo and behold more kdramas watched in a span of 2 months than in a year back in 2018. I love how it tackles on true beauty and female oppression and how idiotic alpha male trope is 7/10

· While You Were Sleeping – 16 not enough episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? A prosecutor, a reporter and a cop can see the future when they sleep, which helps them in solving cases and do their best to change it. Every case is fascinating makes you say “ohhhhh” when they present their defense and I am like *chef kiss* I love the premise and the supernatural part of the story. 10/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. JAE CHAN AND HONG JOO ARE ADORKABLE AND HAS INSANE VISUALS 10/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HAVE YOU MET JUNG HAE IN, THE PROSECUTOR TEAM WAS THE BEST. YES. EVEN THE SIDE CHARACTERS ON CASES AND THE VILLAINS 10/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I usually don’t hear the OSTs while focusing on a scene but boy oh boy, OSTs stole everything, I am obsessed with the whole album. The melody and tune is very captivating everytime you hear it you just want to embed it on your brain. If you are still having second thoughts watching this drama, listen to it’s OSTs the feels they give is the same feels when you watch 1000/10 o Would you rewatch? I’ve watched it again after finishing it so yes, 100% yes, need more episodes still having withdrawal syndrome, still watching fanmade videos on youtube o Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every episode lol, the opening sequence, the outro scenes in episode 2 and 3 (with that background music), everytime “It’s you”, “You belong to my world”, “When night falls” and “I love you boy” is the bg music, every Jae Chan and Hong Joo parallel (Episode 2 and 16 particularly), OT3 scenes, the shadow picture, KISS IN THE RAIN, IN THE SAKURA TREE AND THE ALMOST KISS IN THE CAR if I list down all of my fave, I will be writing the whole summary of each episode. Hmmm. o Words Association: Snow hug, sakura kiss, batman and robin, scarf, JUST ICE, choir, seatbelt, samgyupsal, femme fatale, lip balm o I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. ULTIMATE FAVE. I AM BIASED SHUTTUP. JUST WATCH. NONE CAN COMPARE. NUFF SAID. 100000/10 SOMEONE FANGIRL WITH ME

· Pinocchio – 20 important episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? This whole drama is about mass media and its major influence on anyone’s life and it is so powerful. We have a male lead whose family has experienced the impact of misguided news and it is painful to watch because this really happens irl at worse, this is due to a reporter which is our female lead’s mother. Now our female lead has Pinocchio Syndrome hence the drama title, she can’t help but hiccup when she lies, it’s very interesting to know why both leads wanted to be a reporter given their situation 10/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, I JUST WANNA HUG THEM. Imagine having a condition that forces you to tell the truth, you can’t keep your feelings, privacy or secrets at all and to add an indifferent mother who did not care for your dreams but more on publicity. Imagine having a dream and working hard to reach it but after college you fail every job interview and it’s so realistic I just ashfdsjfha (Except the Pinocchio syndrome part but come on) Imagine experiencing a childhood where you don’t know what happened to your firefighter father, is the news about him running away true because it was his fault all those other firefighters are dead? Imagine your brother doing his best to hold your family together because your mother is on the verge of nervous breakdown to the point of pushing her to choose death, pulling you to a hug and just jump? Imagine this male lead fighting every chance to not love this girl who is the daughter of the reason why his family is gone now and could not leave her because she is also the reason why he decided to fight for the injustice done to his family and to others victims of fake news and they are so supportive of each other. It freaking hurts and I’m sorry I just have a lot of emotions for these two 1000000/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YEEEEES, GRANDPA AND FATHER, I LOVE THEIR FAMILY DYNAMICS SO MUCH WHEN GRANDPA CRIED I CRIED! EVEN JA MYUNG HYUNG who has not enough episode in THEY DESERVE TO BE TOGETHER NOT JUST FOR ONE EPISODE. EVEN BEOM JU, YOO RAE, NITPICKER JANG, CAPTAIN, BOTH CAPTAINS ACTUALLY, CHAN SOO AND HIS FAMILY EVEN I LOVE TO HATE THE VILLAINS 100/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I was too focused on the intensity of the story but I do love the bg music –“First Love”, “The Only Person”, “Pinocchio” are few notable OSTs 8/10 o Would you rewatch? YES FREAKING YES, I REWATCHED AFTER WATCHING IT o Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 16 as a whole, because main lead conflict with each other was resolved and that dinner scene is one I always rewatch, of course episode 1 introduction for Dal Po is freaking hilarious, Episode 2’s “Because I like you” damn feels, snow kiss, all the grandpa scenes and brother scenes, that scene when In ha remembered being drunk, that scene where Dal Po meets his brother again and I just ahjasgdjhsdgf, the intense debate and paralleling it in the seminar, the Christmas episode pyung pyung pyung my heart huhu o Word Association: Six Degrees Separation, rumor, button, MSC/YGN News, traffic cones, hiccups, piggy banks, text messages, family o EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS. I LOVE EVERY PART. IT WAS ON MY WATCHLIST LAST 2018 WHY DID I NOT WATCHED IT THEN. THE ACTING THOUGH YOU JUST FEEL THEIR INTENSE EMOTIONS THROUGH THE SCREEN. FEELS EVERYWHERE. 100000/10

· Romance Is A Bonus Book – 16 heartwarming episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? It’s about romance and books! Lee Jong Suk is on it what more can you ask for? Kidding aside it tells a story of a 30 something mother who to go back to work after 12 years which left a huge gap on her resume, she also got recently divorced and experiencing the repercussion of that, all of the job she applied for has focused on her work gap instead of her skills (which by the way as an HR a very hard truth). She applied as a support role on a publishing company and got hired but by omitting a lot of things on her resume. Oh and her childhood friend, our male lead is actually a co-owner and editor of the company. And he is also in love with her since high school. 9/10 but the fluffiness of the whole series is worth 10/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, Dan-I is totally relatable and Eun Ho is lovable. I love their relationship so much they are each other’s home. 10/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With Hae-rin (COME OOON UNREQUITED LOVE AGAIN WITH LJS CHARACTER?), Seo Joon, President Kim, Manager Seo, and our very own Gangnam Leopard YES. Others not so much. 8/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? The OSTs are feel good, the kind of playlist you want to hear when you read or travelling, point to “Rainbow”, “Walking on Sunshine”, “Happy End”also the heart churning feels when “You’re Beautiful” and “ A Story I couldn’t see” begins playing in the bg 10/10 o Would you rewatch? YES over and over and over again o Favorite Episode/Scenes: The first episode with the wedding visuals, so aesthetic with the running in the highway, the power dance was so out of place but it was adorable, the scene where Dan-I reminisce her married life and it just breaks your heart, the essay part of her application is just motivating and sad, WHEN EUN HO WAS DRUNK AND WENT TO DAN-I’s PLACE BECAUSE HE ALWAYS GO THERE WHEN HE MISSES HER AND I JUST AHGSHJAGDKJGHJ, “If that’s love, I love her then”, GANGNAM LEOPARD CLUB SCENE, the subtle Snow confession (what’s with LJS and Snow???) the long brown overcoats comes out I’m there, when Eun Ho rejected Hae Rin so nicely I cry, movie date, the day Dan-I and Eun Ho spent together at their house, all the book pages at the end of each episode o Words Association: THE MOON IS BEAUTIFUL, noona, power pose, love letters, books, seasons change, cucumber allergy, April 23 o This drama is literally a warm blanket on a rainy day. Recommended if you want a pure love story with almost no conflict and mellow storyline – just the thought of finding love and home in the same person is truly heartwarming. For aspiring writers and book lovers! Love the quotable quotes in it and the warm feels it gives 10/10

· Extraordinary You – 16 extraordinary episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? We follow the story of the extras in a comic book. Get it? EXTRAordinary you, haha okaaaay, anyway, its fictional characters becoming aware that they are fictional characters and trying to change their fates, having a life of their own outside the “stage” and all around creating chaos – breaking the 4th wall if you will. We have your cliché high school filled with rich kids and an elite group called A3 (which was funny bc it was almost mocking F4), then we have the female lead who thought she was the main character of the story but was only the love bridge extra for the main characters. And our beautiful male lead who does not even have a name. Very attention-grabbing 10/10 also just found out the drama was based on a webtoon, so it’s a webtoon inside a webtoon nice. o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Dan-Oh is a fun character to watch, her range of emotions and the way she acts in and out of the stage deserves a standing ovation, I don’t mind Ro Woon’s visual too haha 9/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? Yes to Lee Do Hwa (Because violin playing cutiepie), Joo Da (girl became aware and finally got claws at the end) and Dried Squid Fairy and Su Hyang (because their history is interesting) , not really into Bae Kyung or Nam Joo (who was 2dimensional character until the end) 8/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I loved all the instrumental background music especially “Highschool Runway”, Also “My Beauty” which was very kdrama-esque ending song 7/10 o Would you rewatch? BIG YES o Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every Dan-Oh and Do Hwa’s internal monologue and their bromance, every time Dan Oh breaks character but the page flips, every time she curse and criticize the writer, checking the male population’s back, when Dan-oh opened the umbrella and we got to see Haru’s face *dokidoki*, every reaction when they transition from stage to shadow, I mean kudos to Kim Hye Yoon’s acting from crying to laughing then from head over heels over Bae Kyung then cringing at herself , “It’s Bae Kyung Time”, the scene where Haru and Dan-oh was holding hands and here comes third wheel Do Hwa the way they reacted with Dan Oh’s “Annyeong Lee Do Hwa” made me rofl o Word Association: AYUUU JINJJA, HARUYAAAAA, stage, shadow, page flips, October 10, secret, flower o I love the concept and how it felt like writing fanfiction, you put your favorite characters in alternative universes or different setting and watch them fall in love all over again – in this case destiny also plays a huge part since the writer continuously separate them but they still fall in love with each other outside the stage. It’s fun to see the other side or the fillers whenever characters are not on acting on stage, they have more character depth and development. I definitely love the Sageuk and College AU part. 9/10

· Graceful Family – 16 wild episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? It’s a drama full of Makjang so we are riding on a rollercoaster ride, I am here for all of it gimme gimme that outrageous plot with a dash of crazy family on the side and a group of people who cleans up their messes 9/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? SEOK HEE IS THE BEST FEMALE LEAD YET FREAKING BADASS BITCH QUEEN. Yoon Do is okay but really overpowered by Seok Hee’s strong personality 10/10 for Seok Hee o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am very interested in Ms. Han and the Top Team’s deal unfortunately it was not addressed further in the series, wouldn/t mind a mini sequel with them as the main characters, Choi Na Ri and Seo Jin is loooove, and I love Wan Soo with all my heart even after everything that happened 9/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? “Liar” is on my playlist solely for me to feel as badass as Seok Hee and “Black Diamond” because it plays with your emotions 8/10 o Would you rewatch? Solely for all the WTF moments o Favorite Episode/Scenes: ALL THE DINING TABLE SCENES, opening scene in the first episode got me hooked, all Seok Hee scenes made me stay, Wan Soo’s hilarious scenes, that whole hanbok shop scene, whole jail fiasco, when Seok Hee fights head to head with TOP management, PICASSO’S FUNERAL SCENE, Episode 9 when Choi Na Ri moved in, episode 15’s biggest plot twist, Episode 16 and it’s whole 1 hour and 45 minutes of drama o Word Association: Home sweet home, Cannes, Picasso, power vacuum, kingmaker, Auntie o It has a lot of flaws, plotholes and characters you wished was fleshed out but man what an exhilarating ride it was. I love all the dirty secrets in the closets and plot twists (won’t spoil just watch it!) but Seok Hee is definitely the show stealer for me. Soo Hyang’s character here is starkly different with her character in My ID is Gangnam Beauty and it’s really amazing. 9/10

· Hi, Bye Mama – 16 heartbreaking episodes (Finished)

o Is the plot interesting? This is all about mother’s love and the life she left behind. Our female lead died in an accident and has been a ghost for five years watching over her family especially her daughter, she watched how her family moved on – her husband remarried and her daughter grew up with a different mother. The Gods has given her a chance to live again if she gets back her place within 49 days – this means she get the chance to become human again and finally meet her daughter. 9/10 o Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ALL OF THEM. 10/10 o Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? SEO WOO YAAAAAA, Min Jung, her whole family and best friends even the other ghosts and their painful stories YES. 10/10 o Are the OSTs compelling? I was busy crying and could not really hear the bg music because all I hear is my heart breaking a million times. But “Happy” made me happy and sad at the same time and the haunting “Same Town, New Story” instrumental is love o Would you rewatch? I am not sure if I’m ready to cry again o Favorite Episode/Scenes: whole episode 8 is where I broke down crying – I know this whole series is about mother’s and their unconditional love but episode 8 showed fathers and their incomparable love to their daughters and I just asjhdajksd the epilogue in this episode just made me cry nonstop – I am actually crying just remembering that scene, every epilogue will make you ugly cry, every time Seo Woo smiles, Episode 11 and that epic showdown in Kid’s café, when Yu Ri became human again and how happy she was she can hold Seo Woo, every scene with her and Seo Woo bonding, Gang Hwa and the egg, the list of things she wants to do, when Seo Woo finally called her MAMA o Words Association: mother, stepmom, ghosts, “I am happy”, shaman, egg, 49 days o I am emotionally exhausted watching this show, I cried on every episode, this definitely hurt me in every way possible. Highly recommended if you want a good long nonstop cry 10/10

Dramas I did not completely watched sans a few episodes, finished by skipping scenes or reading drama reviews. Warning: total unpopular opinions

2009

· Boys Over Flowers – we all know Hana Yori Dango is superior, I just got bored of recycled scenes and I really don’t like LMH here, sorry

2018

· Scarlet Heart Ryeo - Plot is very interesting but Sageuk dramas are not my cup of tea, reminds me of Fushigi Yuugi which I hated when I was a kid dunno why haha, will look for my motivation to watch the whole drama · Oh My Ghostess – got spoiled, skipped and just read episode summary

2020

· Hello Monster – did not even finish 1st episode, skipped through episode 2 -3, too many plot holes, just read last episode spoilers · Hotel De Luna – finished 7 episodes got distracted by work and life. Plotline is interesting and characters look promising, will rewatch but I already know the spoilers and ending · School 2013 – just read the dramabeans episode reviews, may watch but reminds me of Gokusen concept (which I do love but very repetitive) so may not · Suspicious Partner – I liked the plot but unfortunately did not care too much on the main mystery of the whole show which was who the actual murderer is, did not like the shared childhood trauma, but acting still was good, its just the storyline · Doctor Stranger – I seriously would have loved to finish this because LJS’s acting skills on point (how can he be that seriously angry in North Korea then be clumsy adorkable in South? Howww) but alas, the female lead storyline is cringy I stopped at episode 6, read reviews and it would have been 20 wasted episodes for me · What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim – full of stereotypical tropes I could not finish, too romcom for me and could not invest too much about their history

Watchlist (2020)

· Hospital Playlist · Crash Landing On You · Kill Me, Heal Me · I Am Not A Robot · Sky Castle · Love Alarm

Hit me up with your recommendations, better yet your favorite kdrama and reasons why it’s your fave!

#kdrama #kdrama list #You're Beautiful #Heartstrings #Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo #W: Two Worlds #goblin #strong woman do bong soon #the heirs #my id is gangnam beauty #while you were sleeping #pinocchio #romance is a bonus book #extraordinary you #graceful family #Hi bye mama #eventyrstuff

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smallblueandloud · 4 years

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

#loudwithlaughter #sb and l rambles #sb and l answers #sb and l is writing #thank you for sending this in!!!!!#now for literally All The Tags lmao #aos ds9 au #verse: fitzskimmons thingy #fic: you're a candle in the window #verse: and it's golden #mcu ideas #tgp ideas #st ideas #fic: help me hold on to you #fic: on that bumpy road to love #jesus CHRIST that was a lot of tags #okay okay i'm pressing post now #this was such a delight thank you SO much for sending it!#the steven roadtrip of self discovery fic

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bpdanakins · 5 years

Text

Anakin Skywalker + Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello there!

My name’s Elizabeth, and I really love Anakin Skywalker. I also really love the headcanon of him having Borderline Personality Disorder, so today I’m going to explore that headcanon. I’ll be explaining both the illness and its symptoms in detail, so you don’t need prior knowledge of BPD to read.

Like all mental illnesses, BPD can be expressed in many different ways. I’ll do my best to explore the ways Anakin shows signs and symptoms of it, and I’ll use a bit of both my own experience and experiences others have shared. You may agree or disagree, it’s all good. This is just something for fun, and I hope you enjoy reading it.

To start, I should explain what Borderline Personality Disorder is first. In the words of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Borderline Personality Disorder is defined as:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.

This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors.

The symptoms of BPD as listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) reads as following:

** A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating.)

Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behaviour.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurring physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Alright, now that we have a basic understanding of the illness, I’ll move on to breaking down these symptoms and how they relate or show in Anakin with examples. I’ll be categorizing them as done in this article for ease of reading: Affective symptoms (covering criterion 6, 7 and 8), Impulsive symptoms (criterion 4 and 5), Interpersonal symptoms (criterion 1, 2, and 3) and Cognitive symptoms (criterion 9).

Affective Symptoms Affective symptoms is the category which covers the emotional dysregulation shown in BPD (intense moods, depression, anger and chronic feelings of emptiness). Those with BPD have difficulty controlling the range and intensity of their emotional responses; their emotions are incredibly unstable, changing moods often - sometimes within minutes.

In my experience, having BPD is like having a constant storm going on in your head, drowning out so many different things while highlighting all the wrong ones. Emotions can slam into you, so suddenly without warning or reason, so overwhelming that you can’t even think. That emotion is all there is. And then, just as suddenly, it recedes, leaving you feeling empty, or is replaced by another.

There are many, many examples of moments where Anakin’s emotions seem to change within moments. It is most prevalent with anger, especially since he has used it since a child as a way to cope with fear or other distressing situations and emotions.

Anakin was on top of him so fast the bigger being barely had time to put up his arms in defense before he was on the ground. Anakin was hitting him as hard and fast as he could, not thinking about anything but how angry he was, not even aware that the source of his anger had nothing to do with his victim and everything to do with losing Padmé. -- The Phantom Menace novelization

It is worth to note, too, that often the expressions of anger noticed in Borderlines stems from fear, panic, hopelessness, and desperation.

Borderlines are extremely sensitive to outside stimuli, meaning that a lot of the mood changes are in response to external events; particularly perceived rejection, failure or abandonment, although not always.

We know, as many characters have pointed out, Anakin focuses on the negative. Borderlines tend to be hypersensitive to the emotions of others, but often we’re more likely to notice negative emotions, rather than positive ones. This often results in us being more vulnerable in the face of criticism, and what would cause slight embarrassment for another may cause deep humiliation for us.

After this iconic first attempt at flirting, and Padmé’s subsequent teasing remark [“You’ll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.”], Anakin’s reaction is explained thus in the novel: “And if she had taken his lightsaber from his belt and sliced his legs out from under him, she would not have shortened Anakin Skywalker more.”

(Another note on his attention to negativity is that he missed her widened smile, or the clear implications of it, too caught up in the idealized experience of being in her presence.)

However, while it is more common for a Borderline to swing toward the negative, this is not always the case! We feel all emotions to a higher degree, and this includes happiness, excitement, and other positive emotions. Anakin shows this too, mostly in response to things like approval, or love:

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice had gone soft, and his hand was warm on Anakin’s arm. “There is no other Jedi I would rather have at my side right now. No other man.” Anakin turned, and found within Obi-Wan’s eyes a depth of feeling he had only rarely glimpsed in all their years together; and the pure uncomplicated love that rose up within him then felt like a promise from the Force itself.

This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker, for now: The Supreme Chancellor returns your look with a hint of smile and a sliver of an approving nod, and for you, this tiny, trivial, comradely victory sparks a warmth and ease that relaxes the dragon-grip of dread on your heart. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

(Also look at this face he makes when Obi-Wan says he’s proud of him help me it’s so cute.)

We have an example of all three (anger to perceived criticism and disapproval, heightened emotions to approval, jealousy and playfulness all fluctuating quickly):

Padmé moved back to arm’s length and managed a smile as she looked over to Anakin. “Then my Jedi protector will have to prove how good he is.” Dormé gave a nervous chuckle and wiped a tear from her eye as she smiled and nodded. Off to the side, Anakin held his smile within, deciding consciously to wear a posture that exuded confidence and control. But inside he was thrilled to hear Padmé’s compliments coming his way. Obi-Wan shattered that warmth, pulling the young Padawan off to the side. “You stay on Naboo,” Obi-Wan said. “Don’t attract attention. Do absolutely nothing without checking in with me or the Council.” “Yes, Master,” Anakin answered obediently, but inside, he was churning, wanting to lash out at Obi-Wan. Do nothing, absolutely nothing, without checking in, without asking for permission? Hadn’t he earned a bit more respect than that? Hadn’t he proven a bit more resourceful, a Padawan to be trusted? “I will get to the bottom of this plot quickly, M’Lady,” he heard Obi-Wan say to Padmé. Anakin seethed inwardly. Hadn’t that been exactly the course he had suggested to his Master when they had first been assigned to watch over the Senator? “You’ll be back here in no time,” Obi-Wan assured her. “I will be most grateful for your speed, Master Jedi.” Anakin didn’t appreciate hearing Padmé speak of any gratitude at all toward Obi-Wan. At least, he didn’t want Padmé to elevate Obi-Wan’s importance in all this above his own. “Time to go,” he said, striding forward. [...] “Suddenly I’m afraid,” Padmé said to him as they walked away, heading toward the giant star freighter that would take them to Naboo. Behind the pair, R2-D2 rolled along, tootling cheerily. “This is my first assignment on my own. I am, too.” Anakin turned about, taking Padmé’s gaze with his own, and grinned widely. “But don’t worry. We’ve got Artoo with us!” Again, the levity was much needed. -- Attack of the Clones novelization

Most of the events that take place on Grievous’ ship in Revenge of the Sith, both the movie and the novelization, are a great example of Anakin’s inability for emotional modulation (i.e. the ability to control the intensity of emotions) and his emotional dysregulation. He experiences joy when joking with Obi-Wan, later fear which he turns to fury during his fight with Dooku, dissociates (as I will show below) when he executes him, and then happiness when teasing Obi-Wan and having approval from Palpatine.

Impulsive Symptoms There are many times in media and society that being impulsive is seen as a good thing. Spontaneity is a thrilling and exciting trait, and someone who has it is framed as a fun person to be around.

However, in mental illness, impulses are often uncontrollable and detrimental to the health and safety of the self or of others. In BPD, it is described as reckless and self-damaging.

Many in the fandom see Anakin as a reckless and impulsive person. It’s framed in a good light; it means he thinks “outside the box”, is unconventional but gets things done and saves the day anyways. And it is true, he is those things and he often does so to help others. Plus, we have to take into consideration that the Force plays a role too. What is considered almost automatically harmful recklessness to us may not be for someone with the Force.

The line that must be drawn, then, is all about intent and motive. Is he doing this because he wants to hurt himself, or because he does not care if it harms him as a result? Without knowing his internal thoughts on the matter, or without being shown the actions as carelessness combined with negative emotions, it can be pretty tough to nail down.

So, we can perhaps infer if something Anakin does might follow in the lines of suicidal/self-injurous behaviour, but given the nature of what the shows/movies/books are (aka, not meant to be THAT dark, despite, you know, burning people and dead children, I guess), we don’t really have much to go on.

One easy example, however, is shown through the lens of parasuicide.

PARASUICIDE Parasuicide is a term for behaviour that includes both actual suicide attempts and self-injuries with little or no intent to cause death. Take, for example, an individual engaging in reckless driving: they could be doing it for the rush, in hopes it drowns out their overwhelming negative emotions, and while their intent at the time is not on crashing and dying, they might not care if it happens.

Cannonfire blazed past him, impacting on the support struts ahead. Too late to change his mind now: he was committed. He would bring his ship through, or he would die. Right now, strangely, he didn’t actually care which. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Interpersonal Symptoms One of the most commonly recognized symptoms of BPD are those that affect our interpersonal relationships. The fear of abandonment, the black-and-white thinking, the lack of a true identity: these are symptoms you are most likely to hear discussed first when looking into BPD or talking to someone about it.

These three criteria are all very intertwined, and they often feed or lean into each other. But most importantly, these are the symptoms that tend to come with a lot of terminology used specifically in Borderline circles.

SPLITTING What is splitting? Splitting is the term we use for the moments we switch from idealization to devaluation, or vice versa. Borderlines tend to think in black and white with no shades of gray; either people are all good, or all bad. When we “split”, it is a change in that opinion or worldview from one to the other.

In other words, one could say...

Splitting can be caused by all sorts of things, such as someone not living up to the ideal or triggering the fear of abandonment.

Splitting is often associated with opinions of others, but Borderlines can split on their views of themselves, objects, things, beliefs or even organizations (like, say, the Jedi Order).

Anakin’s splitting is often shown in his relationship with Obi-Wan. He sees him as a great hero, the greatest Jedi ever - as wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu. (There’s also this.) He can wax poetic about how Obi-Wan is his best friend, a great mentor, that Anakin loves him...

Yet, even in the same conversation, or even within only days, he talks about Obi-Wan being jealous, overly critical, holding him back, saying it’s his fault that Anakin’s struggling. He can be joking with him in an elevator one moment, to seething the next when Obi-Wan expresses disapproval or disappointment. (Essentially AotC Anakin is splitting on Obi-Wan the whole time.)

Anakin can go on about how he loves Obi-Wan, that he wouldn’t have it any other way than to be fighting at his side, and then easily switch to saying that he cannot be trusted, to saying I hate you. And when he says and thinks these things, he means them. Why is it that Anakin can seemingly forget the soft, genuine moments he’s had with Obi-Wan within hours, to the point his entire view on who Obi-Wan is can change?

RELATIONSHIP OBJECT PERMANENCE Object permanence is a skill we all learn when we are mere infants. To put it simply, it is the realization that just because we cannot see or sense something anymore, does not mean it no longer exists. It’s why babies cry when someone leaves the room; they do not realize that things can exist even when not right in front of them.

In turn, relationship object permanence is the knowledge that a relationship, and all the good feelings that come with it, exists even when that relationship is not being constantly affirmed. (i.e. If you do not tell me you care for me, how can I know?) This skill is one Borderlines tend to lack, which is why we have such fears of abandonment, even when it’s irrational.

A simple example of this in Anakin is that he shares that Soft moment with Obi-Wan mentioned above - the one about the pure, uncomplicated love - only to later that night tell Padmé:

“Maybe he does [love me]. But I don’t think he trusts me.” His eyes went as bleak as the empty night. “And I’m not sure we can trust him.”

In the moment, Anakin does not doubt Obi-Wan’s feelings. Later, when he is full of fear, when he is so focused on Padmé and their child, he doubts Obi-Wan’s loyalties, let alone how much he cares.

On the flipside, Anakin idealizes Padmé. A lot. To the point he has, in a way, built part of his identity around her. Borderlines tend to lack a solid sense of self, and sometimes an expression of this identity disturbance revolves around defining oneself by their relationships; losing these, in turn, results in a sense that everything is meaningless and empty.

Since he was a child, Anakin saw Padmé in a grand light: she was an angel, beautiful and perfect, and he just knew he was gonna marry her. Since that moment, he has not ever dismantled or even noticed that pedestal he has placed her upon.

For years, he clung to the idea that he would be her husband, and this turned into, in his mind, a simple fact of his life. A piece of him that he could be sure about. He knows he is not what a Jedi should be; he is called the Hero With No Fear, which he knows is so inaccurate; they’re losing the war... but he has Padmé, and he cannot lose her.

“The Hero With No Fear. What a joke... Padmé, I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re all I live for.”

“I couldn’t wait, Padmé. I had to see you.” He took her in his arms. “Tonight is forever from now - how am I supposed to live that long without you?” -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Another of the hallmark symptoms of BPD is the frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether real or imagined. Borderlines often find it extremely hard to let go of relationships, and will do much in an effort to keep others from leaving.

Losing people he loves is the source of Anakin’s greatest fears.

But Anakin’s fear is another kind of dragon. A cold kind. A dead kind. [...] The dragon reminds him, every night, that someday he will lose Obi-Wan. He will lose Padmé. Or they will lose him. All things die, Anakin Skywalker. Even the stars burn out... He can barely even think about it. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Now, I have it on good authority that most Borderlines don’t end up going Dark Side and committing massacres to avoid someone they love leaving them, but Anakin likes to stand out.

Cognitive Symptoms These are the symptoms that relate to dissociation, paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, and other troubling but non-psychotic symptoms.

DISSOCIATION Dissociation is a psychological experience in which people feel disconnected from their sensory experience, sense of self, or personal history. It is usually experienced as a feeling of intense alienation or unreality, in which the person suddenly loses their sense of where they are, who they are, of what they are doing. (x) For Borderlines, the most common forms of dissociation experienced are derealization and depersonalization.

DEPERSONALIZATION is defined as a detachment within the self, regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Symptoms include: feeling that you’re an outside observer of your thoughts, feelings, or your body; emotional or physical numbness of your senses or responses to the world around you; a sense that your memories lack emotion, and that they may not be your own memories, and more.

DEREALIZATION is defined as an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Symptoms include: feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings - as if you’re living in a movie or dream; feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about; distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past, and more.

For some, dissociation can often be the mind’s way of trying to protect itself from traumatic events or actions; sometimes even in response to extreme emotions. An easy example to observe is after Shmi’s death in Attack of the Clones - Hayden’s reaction can very easily be read as someone who is immediately trying to disconnect (emotionally, mentally) to this sudden trauma.

It’s expounded upon in its novelization as well:

The minutes slipped past and Anakin just sat there, immobilized by his confusion, by a budding rage and the most profound sense of emptiness he had ever known. Only when the pale light began to grow around him, making the low-burning candles seem even thinner, did he even remember where he was. He looked about, wondering how he might get his mother’s body out of there. [...] He could hardly move, though. There seemed a profound pointlessness to it all, a series of motions without meaning.

We also often have Anakin describing moments as if they were ‘a dream’, as if these things weren’t a part of him, but here are two good examples from the RotS novel:

The murderer blinked again. Who am I? Was he the slave boy on a desert planet, valued for his astonishing gift with machines? Was he the legendary Podracer, the only human to survive that deadly sport? Was he the unruly, high-spirited, trouble-prone student of a great Jedi Master? The star pilot? The hero? The lover? The Jedi? [...] The deck bucked as the cruiser absorbed a new barrage of torpedoes and turbolaser fire. Dooku’s severed head bounced along the deck and rolled away, and Anakin woke up.

In the Tusken camp he had lost his mind. [...] The Tuskens has been killed, slaughtered, massacred - but that has been beyond his control, and now it seemed to him as if it had been done by someone else: like a story he heard that had little to do with him at all.

PARANOID THOUGHTS Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy. Paranoia can become delusions, when irrational thoughts and beliefs become so fixed that nothing (including contrary evidence) can convince a person that what they think or feel is not true. (x)

Signs of paranoia include intense, irrational mistrust or suspicion, which can bring on a sense of fear, anger and betrayal. Some symptoms include mistrust, hypervigilance, difficulty with forgiveness, a defensive attitude in response to imagined criticism, preoccupation with hidden motives, fear of being deceived or taken advantage of, inability to relax or being argumentative.

Within Borderlines, this ideation is described as transient and stress-related, meaning it often only lasts a short time and is brought on by a high level of stress.

Anakin experiences many bouts of paranoia over his life, often manifesting in his (sort of) delusion that Padmé is in grave danger, that he must do anything to protect her from it; in the thoughts that the Jedi mistrust him, are out to get him because of jealousy or other reasons; that even Obi-Wan cannot be trusted; and even, at times, that Padmé will stop loving him and leave him.

He knew, deep in his guts, that something had happened to her. An accident, or she was sick, or she’d been caught in one of the vast number of buildings hit by debris from the battle today... She might be trapped somewhere right now, might be wounded, might be smothering, calling out his name, might be feeling the approach of flames- [...] He could barely breathe. He couldn’t make himself even think it. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking it. Had something changed? For her? In how she felt?

“Is Master Windu turning everyone against me? [...] It has to do with them all being against me. They always have been - most of them didn’t even want me to be a Jedi.” -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

His biggest triggers for these episodes are often related to his prophetic nightmares, but also in any reminder or flashback of his trauma and fear of losing the people he loves.

---

Conclusion Anakin Skywalker is a fascinating and complex character for so many reasons, and many people are intrigued by his story because of it. Many of those are people who also have neurodivergencies or other disabilities, and that’s why - even if these headcanons are simply that, and probably won’t ever be verified - sharing with each other the ways we see ourselves in characters is both important, but also fun.

Whether you can see this headcanon for Anakin, have one for a similar/co-morbid disorder (such as mood disorders, PTSD, ADHD, etc), or none of the above, I hope you at least enjoyed the read. It was certainly pretty text heavy, so I thank you for getting this far.

If you enjoyed this and have your own thoughts, feel free to share! I’d love to chat if you have any questions, want to make fun of this Literal Human Disaster(tm), or if you have your own headcanons you want to talk about.

I certainly have many more thoughts on this - how it could relate to his decisions/actions, more examples (especially since I only used the bare minimum), more BPD behaviours, even theories about how maybe the Force could have played into it, etc. Hopefully I’ll get better at writing these out if I ever get around to sharing them.

Ultimately though, at the end of the day, we all just want to have fun, and bond over stories that mean a lot to us one way or another. Thank you again for your time; it means a lot.

---

SOURCES:

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 1999 novelization by Terry Brooks

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 2002 novelization by R.A. Salvatore

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 2005 novelization by Matthew Stover

Borderline Personality Disorder National Alliance on Mental Illness

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, 2013 American Psychiatric Association

Diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder by Robert S. Biskin, MD & Joel Paris, MD National Center for Biotechnology Information

Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders Mental Health America

Paranoia and Delusional Disorders Mental Health America

Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan

My own personal experiences

FURTHER READING:

shitborderlinesdo on tumblr has an extensive FAQ (p1, p2) which you may find useful, although most of the posts are from about four years ago

anything by Marsha M. Linehan is useful, especially her book listed above (download)

the NCBI site has a lot of good articles with even better citations, and the citations can be read through sci-hub.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #star wars headcanons #mental illness headcanons #bpd headcanon #borderline anakin skywalker #anakin headcanons #star wars meta #this took me a long while #anyways! tldr anakin skywalker has borderline personality disorder thank you for coming to my ted talk

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louisapennyfeather2021 · 4 years

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Newsies/Teen Wolf AU

Title: Riddled

Summary: Race convinces Blink to take him to the hospital to figure out why he's sleep walking to the middle of nowhere and why he isn't in his own mind anymore. Everyone can tell something's wrong, but they can't figure out if it's supernatural or not. Or if they even have a chance at saving Race.

A/N: Hello again! So this scene is from Season 3b, technically episode 18 of Season 3 of the MTV show Teen Wolf. If you can't tell, I'm skipping around a lot and leaving plot holes since this is just random fics and not a series. In this scene, Race is representing one of the main protagonists/ the main antagonist of 3b. What's happening is he's slowly going insane and succumbing to an ancient spirit who thrives on chaos. No one knows this yet, so they think Race is suffering from the same illness that killed his biological mother. I strongly recommend watching the show on Amazon if you get the chance, it's definitely worth a watch!

Warnings: Sad, mentions of death, mentions of mental illness, fear.

***

"They're doing tests on Race all afternoon." Jack has to all but force the words as he walks with Albert through the school towards their last period. Although he knows after Race's disappearance and borderline breakdowns last night renders this necessary, he's still not happy about it. "I was going to go over at around 6:00 to visit. You want to come with me?"

"I should probably just go home." Albert takes a sharp breath, pursuing his lips and gripping the straps of his backpack tighter.

Alright, so maybe the chaotic spaz had grown on Albert. Race was one of the first people in the entire school to actually treat Albert like a human being and not an emotionless brat or a freak. He'd make an imprint on Albert, to say the least.

Albert's brought out of his daze by a locker being harshly, slammed shut. He flinches and sighs heavily once he realizes that he jumped, knowing Jack noticed.

"You sure you're alright?" Jack asks, raising a concerned eyebrow.

Lately, it's like Albert is just a ball of anxiety, including but not limited to being extremely jumpy. Whether it be from the latest death threats surrounding their friends or just the whole concept of being a supernatural creature capable of sensing death, he still hasn't figured it out.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." And with a forced smile, Albert hurries away from Jack and towards his last period. Jack watches his friend hurry off, another weight settling over his shoulders. Albert is good at a lot of things, lying included, but Jack can tell now that Albert is faking being alright. Nothing's alright, it hasn't been since Jack became an alpha.

With Race going completely off the rails and now Albert obviously having something wrong with him, Jack knows whatever "break" from the insanity of the supernatural world he had been given was over.

***

"I'm not sure if I actually know how to pronounce this. Or if it's a misspelling."

"Just call him Race." Blink's stoney expression makes the nurse nod. He hardly flinches when Ms. Medda sighs, shaking her head just a bit.

"Louis, I know you're worried, but don't take it out on the nurse. She's just doing her job." Medda tries to keep her own anxiety over the current matter in check. She's lucky enough to have gotten a break to be with Race during his tests, although she knows it's because she works at the hospital and she's right there if anyone needs her.

"Hey!" Medda and Blink both turn to see Jack in the doorway. "Have they started yet?"

"No, they're still getting ready." Medda offers Jack a warm smile, trying and hoping he'll at least stay calm. "You can go see him real quick, though."

Jack silently nods and slips past Blink and Ms. Medda, the two having already been in to comfort Race.

Jack doesn't say anything as he walks through an open door to a white room with a large machine in the center. Race sits on the machine, his shoulders slouched and his head hanging as he grips the hospital gown in one hand.

"Hey." Jack manages to withhold a gasp when he sees Race's face for the first time since finding him in the woods last night. There are large, purple circles under his eyes that resemble bruises and his eyes are very near to bloodshot. It's obvious he's tired, but there's something else in his expression that sets Jack off. He ignores it though and walks to stand in front of Race. "You okay?"

"You know what they're looking for, right?" Race shakes his head a bit and bites his lower lip before letting out a deep breath. "It's called frontotemporal dementia. Areas of your brain start to shrink. It's what my mother had. It's the only form of dementia that can hit teenagers. And there's no cure."

"Race, listen to me. If you have it, we'll do something. I'll do something." Jack's voice doesn't waiver and he clenches his jaw. He's an alpha now, meaning he can change someone. He could give Race the Bite and he'd be healed. He'd never wish this curse on anyone, but if it saved his best friend's- no, his brother's, life, it was worth it.

Jack nearly breaks as tears well up in Race's eyes and he dies hesitate to step closer and wrap his arms around Race, both of them squeezing each other tight as if they'll disappear if they let go. Jack holds Race for as long as he can, rubbing his upper back and occasionally running a hand through Race's hair to help calm him down. Jack knows how finicky Race can be and it'll only get worse with the noise of the MRI machine.

Jack holds and comforts Race until a doctor comes in to bring him back to the other side of the wall separating him and Race. Jack stands anxiously next to Medda, subconsciously chewing on his thumb nail and bouncing on his toes. Medda keeps calm, years of being a nurse having trained her to do so. Blink paces back and forth along the back wall, a million thoughts running through his head.

Although Jack and Medda heard everything about Race and Blink's parents and had an idea of what happened, Blink still remembers it all vividly. He was a young teenager at the time, so he experienced everything. His mother's breakdowns, her panic attacks because she didn't remember anything, her fear when she'd see Blink and Race and not know why two random children were in her house. Their father would try as hard as possible to help her, but in the end the dementia won. When it took their mother, their father went down with her.

Blink knows they were lucky to have found Medda, but he'd give anything to have his mother back. The woman who knew who he was and who loved him. If he could forget all of the horrible things she said when she didn't recognize him or Race, he would. If he could forget the pain he felt watching her slowly whither away, he would. If he could forget the fear he felt not knowing what would happen to her, he would.

Now that same fear haunts him. He knows it's genetic, he knows very well that him or Race or both of them could develop the same illness that nearly tore the family apart worse than it already was. Now that he has to consider that Race will go through exactly what their mother did? Fear isn't a strong enough word to describe how scared, worried, and utterly helpless Blink feels.

"Alright, Race, this will take about 45 minutes to an hour. Now remember, try not to move. Even just a little bit." The head doctor speaks through a microphone as Race lays down on the bed of the MRI. "You're going to hear that noise now. It's going to be a loud clanging. Kind of like a hammer hitting an anvil."

Race seems to robotically nod and the doctor starts the machine.

As he does, Jack frowns at the ground.

Last night, Spot helped Jack find Race by tracking his chemo-signals. They basically follows the smell of whatever Race was feeling. Spot described the scent as fear and struggle, but said Race had been struggling with himself.

Now, as Jack watches his best friend lay still in the machine, a new thought comes to mind.

"I need to find Spot, I'll be back before his test is done." Jack whispers to Medda. She squeezes his shoulder and nods for him to leave, knowing Blink is too preoccupied with his pacing to notice.

***

"Jack, what are we looking for? Just because I share some family secrets with you, doesn't mean you can drag me out in the middle of nowhere." Spot hesitantly follows Jack through the local preserve, stepping over fallen trees and trying to get an answer out of Jack.

"I think he was trying to protect us." Jack suddenly stops near the place they found Race. Spot raises a confused eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. "I remember when he called me, he was completely freaked. He kept saying someone else was with him, but he wouldn't tell me where. It's like he wanted to, but he couldn't."

"So he was held hostage?" Spot looks around, as if looking for any signs of kidnapping.

"No, I he couldn't because he didn't want us to get involved. I think he was protecting us from himself." Jack sighs, one of the many weights lifting off his shoulders like he just solved the crime. "I don't think he was struggling with himself like you said he was. I think he was struggling not to do something."

"What, do you think Race would really do something violent towards-" Spot stops as Jack's phone starts ringing. Jack frowns in confusion and reaches to answer. He briefly checks the time before seeing it's Medda.

"Shit, Race's tests must be done." Jack quickly answers, guilt settling in his stomach. "Medda, hi, I'm sorry I'm not back yet. I promise-"

"Jack, something's happened." Jack stops talking and meets Spot's gaze, knowing he can hear Medda too.

"What do you mean?" Jack can hear the slight tremor in Medda's voice, but he can also hear Blink yelling and arguing with someone in the background. Jack's heart drops as he registers what Medda says next.

"Race is missing."

***

Hello everyone! This is another drabble of sorts and I know it's confusing if you haven't seen the show because 1) I'm not providing much foundation and 2) There's a lot of plot to each season. To sum it up, basically Race has been possessed by a mischievous, vengeful spirit from Japanese folklore known as the Nogitsune. It's disguising itself as the frontotemporal dementia that was mentioned and it playing games with Race to try and make him go insane. No one knows of any of this yet, but that's the basic plot line of season 3b.

I hope you liked this, if you want to see more please feel free to send me a message or an ask! If you have any scenes you'd like to see, just ask and I'll try my best to make them good!

#newsies memes #newsies imagines #newsies broadway #newsies imagine #newsies #newsies au #teen wolf au

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Ducktales Shadow Into Light (Lena Retrospective): Friendship Hates Magic! (Commission by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! And welcome, and to some of you welcome back to Shadow Into Light, my fully paid for but gladly done Lena retrospective, covering everyone’s faviorite lesbian emo shadow’s personal jounrey through all three seasons and some brucey bonuses.

So this time we pick up in mid-season 2.. yes MID season 2. Though for once taking so long to adress things had valid reasons. It dosen’t make the 8 month wait for Lena to return and for Violet to show up, her concept art having been shown off shortly before Shadow War aired during San Diego Comic Con, any less aggravating, especially since the episode did air overseas before that but never leaked anywhere properly. So I knew she’d be okay but not HOW.

As I said though.. they had their reasons. The episode was set for episode 8 in production order, right behind whatever Happened to Della Duck? which answered the other big cliffhanger from season 1, Della’s exile on the moon. So while this episode was back in the queue, along with Della’s, which had to wait till after the christmas episode to air because said episode takes place before it. So waiting on this episode was fair on the crew’s part even knowing it was a hiatus.

It ended up getting pushed back by a week once the episodes started airing.. but as outlined last time, THIS TIME Disney actually moved it for good reason instead of just doing so because shut up. See the problem with moving episodes around in season 2.. is Della’s return. Several episodes that in theory could’ve easily been pushed back instead of this one, Depths of Cousin Fethry, Treasure of the Found Lamp... couldn’t because they take place BEFORE Della came back and it’d be weird to air them after. One features Donald, the other dosen’t but still lacks Della and it’d be weird if it did> While this episode takes place before Della comes back or was at least meant to, no one appears in person, and Beakly mentoning “the boys and scrooge” at the bin could simply be her forgetting Della’s a part of things for a second. It’s not entirely in character, but it’s much easier than explaning why Della’s not there and Donald is.

They also moved one episode ahead of this.. but it’s one I approve of. See from episode 7 onward the episodes were aired in week long duckbombs, woo-ooo. I I don’t fault disney for it or the reason I suspect they had for doing this: while it wasn’t the intended way of airing, they likely did this airing style to get shows on Disney Plus quicker for it’s debut and given they’ve sunk a LOT of money into the streaming service and it’s a key part of their future, I can’t blame them for wanting the entire series thus far on the platform at launch. It’s one of if not their most popular show at the moment. They wanted it front and center.

So this one took an extra week to air, and an extra day as they aired raiders of the doomsday vault right after Della’s return in “Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!”.. which is also not a bad move. Fans wanted more of Della and her bonding with the kids, I wanted more of that so while the wait was grumble inducing, it was worth the tradeoff to get more of this character and her bonding with Dewey.. and let’s face it Glomgold. You know what i’m about at this point.

So there were delays but not the mind boggling ones that reshuffled the season last time and by next season there’d be zero reshuffling with both holiday episodes designed to go anywhere. So with the history and the agonizing wait out of the way join me under the cut as a snark knight returns, a new fan faviorite debuts and Beakly gets sucked into Launchpad’s awful fandom.

We open our story at the Duckburg Library. Man I fucking miss the library. I mean you can go by apointment and what not but I also have library card debt and stuff, and it’s just not the same.

Anyways naturally Webby is going there to research the Shadow Realm in hopes of finding something to bring Lena back. Last week was “Children’s Card Games, Dark Magic and You! by Professor Yugi Moto which while enlightening got her nowhere. Next up is “Shadow Games on Motorcycles!: How a Crimson Dragon defeated a giant Shadow Monster and brought the dead back and I helped by Doctor Yusei Fudo”.

But that one’s not in yet so she instead goes to the Librarian to get another book.. and it’s Quackfaster! Horay! As for why she’s working two jobs, she’s saving up for a retirement condo in BIRDDDBAAADDOOOSSSSS. I had to type it that way it’s ape law.

But her next book “I Went there and it Sucked, My Time in the Shadow Realm by Mayor of New Jersey Joey Wheeler” is taken by “another strange little girl”. Quackfaster, you chase people around with a scimitar. Just accept your the weird one and live with it like me. You’ll be happier that way.

And so we finally meet Violet whose introduced pitch perfectly. Webby gives out her usual “Hi I”m Webby”.. and Violet simply holds a finger up, finishes her page and gives a simple “Yes?” It demonstrates her quite nature, her love of reading and her lack of social skills all in one fell swoop. The ensuing dead language off is also pretty damn adorable reminding me of that scene from “Lisa’s Wedding” where she and Hugh fight over a book and reading it before making out.. minus the making out because these are children, no one wants that, and Webby is taken. .and even then again children. Most we get is an innocent peck and some blushing.

So Violet, finding out Webby needs it and is researching the arcane too offers to research together tonight, bringing a sleeping bag just in case it goes on long... to Lena’s unheard objections as she’s rattled by the break in her normal routine with Webby, and the possibility of Webby falling for someone else. I mean this i framed as a friendship thing... but you can only say “friend” so many times in a work before you sound like a retired grandma in denial about their granddaughter.

Later at the Mansion, Beakley is enjoying a nice quiet afternoon to herself. Turns out once a month Scrooge has “Binventory Day” where he and the boys catalogue the bin for hours giving her a night to herself and Webby. Webby loudly interuppts the peace as is Cartoon Law, but Beakley is pleased Webby is getting back on the friendship horse.

Bentina ends up ruining it a bit though by bringing up her previous slumber party disasters... which even Lena at her most jealous admits were her fault and only agrees to in the hopes Webby’s going to cancel. Instead Webby decides to make this the most normal sleepover ever! The one where her new friend is coming to specifically help her with magic.

Bentina tries to back her grandaughter/daughter down from this insane logic, but Webby does, if innocently clap back well to her being the one to give her “Be yourself” advice. “I’m not like you Granny, I need to have friends”

And while Webby quickly flees after Beakley tries to deny it.. she’s not wrong. She has exactly one friend who she works for and no social life to speak of.. and as far as I can tell she’s fine this way. Beakley is happy with her work and raising Webby and has someone to talk to in Scrooge. She has everything she needs, while Webby is a social butterfly.. a socially inept social butterfly. She needs people and loves meeting new people and needs friends and not just her family. One’s an introvert the other’s an extrovert. I’m both at times, and before you ask why yes it is a living nightmare thank you so much for asking. I get where both are coming from. And Beakley clearly had friends at one point it’s just a long war with FOWL and a sudden granddaughter probably whittled it down to just Scrooge. It’s okay to be yourself.

So this is where the plotlines split off, so as usual, i’m splitting the up.

Launchpad and Beakley in Getting To Know You And Getting Sucked INto Your Strange and Lovely Fandom

So Beakley naturally cries out “name one person I don’t get along with.. and in walks Launchpad , Nature’s Perfect Himbo, having destroyed the gate and at least being honest he probably will again. Why he’s here when the boys and Scrooge are all gone?

But I don’t care as this subplot is just.. a nonstop delight. Starting with Beakly inviting Launchpad to sup with her.. which just confuses him. Look Bentina you have to use small words.. it’s a miracle he gets up in the morning, dreses himself and hasn’t died in a tragic gasoline fight accident. You have to know your audience. Still funny.

And “not knowing your audience” continues as Beakly serves them pea soup but Launchpad is intimidated by the spoons and while she does offer to help instead tries to use all of them then a straw and then falls facedown in his soup. And this is the SECOND TIME Beakly’s left someone living at the mansion to die. I mean that’s not a lot but it’s still weird it happened twice.

Finally they sit quitely, Beakly reading the Scarlet Pimpernell, and Launchpad doing a coloring book. And besides the odd couple energy what I really like about this subplot.. is that it fleshes Beakly out> This is one of her ONLY plots in the entire goddamn series, yes really. 70 episodes and she only got five spotlight episodes/plots. But it does at least show her off: her upperclass pedigree we really don’t see often, showing that while she applied to the job as maid out of necisity she knows her stuff, her love of classic literature and her being out of touch with the common person. It’s not a ton but it’s more than ninja butler or “stop having fun with your kids della and be a parent”. I mean she wasn’t wrong but she could’ve been nicer about it given the circumstances.

So Launchpad, given Beakley’s never shown any interest in him as a person before, assumes she’s going to fire him and was just softening him up. I mean Scrooge himself outright said he never would and if he did he’d do it to your face, hard as it’d be. But that aside, he’s fine with getting to know her once he knows that no he’s not being fired she just wanted to hang out, he’s everyone’s friend. But naturally an upperclash british former super spy and a dumb as a bucket with a heart of gold pilot have nothing in common, not even aircraft as “plane go up, plane crash going down’ is about the extent of his actual knowledge on aircraft that isn’t instinct or dumb luck.

He does manage to break the ice though, mistaking her book for a Darkwing Duck book and deciding to show her the show since it might be something they have in common. At first she’s as unintuhsed as you’d expect a british lady who never watches the telly watching a 90′s kids show would be.. but by the end she’s gotten all the way into it.

It’s really endearing, showning that two vastly diffrent people with nothing can common can be brought together by something as simple and glorious as liking the same show. I’ve had it happen with me. She naturally is all for filiming his fanscript after the finale provides no answers, being the one to suggest it and the two end the episode shooting it with her in full darkwing duck cosplay. I’ts a cute and entertaining subplot and a nice contrast to the main plot which while not super dark, does have a fog of tension over it. Speaking of which.

Webby, Lena and Violet: In Two’s Company, Three Accidently Creates Monsters That Nearly Take Your Girlfriend Off Into The Shadowy Abyss So the slumber party gets underway with Webby shooing away Duckworth after clearing out her room to greet Violet herself and violet having brought pie... a great callback to an earlier joke where Webby wondered if pie was normal at a sleepover. No but it should be. So Webby welcomes her in to her totally normal room devoid of anything. Nothing suspicious about that.

So Violet tries to get her into research, specifically Tulpas, an actual magical concept, a mental construct of some kind created out of desire, imagination or what have you. Gee I wonder if that will come into play this episode. Webby.. wants to play baggle or what have you or do makeovers and drags Violet along to do the second thing after Violet asks about Magica. Lena then finds something glowing in Violet’s bag...specifically, her old amulet, cracked but still working and flowing with Magica’s power.

Lena assumes Violet is Magica and goes to warn Webby only to find her HORRIBLY MUTATED! Naturally it’s a misdirect, as it turns out Violet is just REALLY good at special effects makeup. It’s something I honestly forgot about her... i’m betting one of her dad’s is an effects artist. Just saying that’d be neat. But Webby gives the “i’m normal really even though I live in a giant mansion with my dad I don’t know is my dad and my grandma whose actually my adopted mom” game away by pointing out the demon’s fang is crooked and Violet is curious and heads to Webby’s room finding a picture from said demon. He signed it and everything. Good man that Rakshaka.

Webby is worried Violet will be freaked out by all the weird but nope, she enjoys it. And it’s not a suprise: violet is actively researching the shadow dimension. Why WOULD she be scared off. The conflict was in Webby’s head all along.. and partly out of PTSD, but we’ll get to that. Webby still tries to get her to baggle but they settle on ancient rune dice baggle and summoning some spirits. Lena scoffs.. until it actually works. It does make sense though: As we’ll see in her last starring role, Lena is kinda like Wanda Maximoff: she has an extreme amount of power but she has no idea how to use it and is simply making up most of her magic as she goes along or took magica’s lead. But the spell means Lena can touch the dice so she spells out don’t trust her.. but forgets she’s dealing with two nerds who love unlocking puzzles and assume the message is on the dice themselves.

Webby and Violet decide they need more clarity and resume the seance.. which summons mysterious white shadow creatures Lena saw before.. .some now taking Magica’s shape. And Lena’s panicked “Oh not again” says it all. So Lena tries the tried and true bedsheet ghost cliche, grumbling about it but showing up as a ghost without any abillity to speak or talk to webby dosen’t do anything and Violet tackles the sheet before deciding to grab the amulet to dispiate the spirit.. only for Lena to show up for a breif second before she does show making the panicked child look incredibly supscious.

Webby naturally tackles and interrogates Violet wanting the full story. And it turns out the big secret is.. Violet is entirely normal. Nothing to do with Magica, no possesions or secretly being her or a minon of hers... she was just a logic obsessed 12 year old who thought magic was a myth.. until the Shadow War proved “Nope it’s real everything you know is wrong. Up is down black is white and short is long”. She just happened to be close to the bin and found the amulet when the remains of the staff fell near her and compacted back into it.

It’s a brilliant reveal. See first watch around your genuinely unsure if Violet is a real person or not.. unless you went in knowing she is, but semantics. Point is most first time viewers didn’t know she’d be a beloved member of the supporting cast and didn’t know what to expect. But looking back... it makes no sense. If Magica had the amulet.. why would she need to infiltrate the mansion. Revenge? Possibly but she’d want Scrooge there too. Even being evil on her own Violet had valid opportunity to pilfer Webby’s magical items, she has an entire box of magic rocks right there and then simply zap her with the amulet. But she didn’t.. because Violet is a person. When she DOES use it she’s utterly terrified, and we can see her breathing heavy, scared.. something Magica has NEVER been of Lena. To Violet it was just a ghost. Webby hadn’t told her about lena and any information she had about her was second hand from newspapers and the like.

Webby is sympathetic, as Violet’s feeling of being sheltered from this greater world naturally resonates and while Lena is still supscious, having reincorperated, it’s clear Webby trusts violet and simply dosen’t want to loose another friend to magic. Here trying to hide it now takes another tone.. she knows Lena was behind it.. but is so afraid of it consuming violet the way it did Lena, she forgets almost ALL of the weird magic stuff in sleepovers was magica’s manipulation, and that Lena died because her creator was a monster, not because of magic. Magic is not inherently good or bad, it just is, and that will come back as a theme in a few episodes. It allowed Magica to ravage the town and kill Lena.. but it allowed Lena to exist in the first place and while the terrible events with Magica clearly shook her.. it also shook violet out of her complacency and got her to research a world she never would’ve considered. Good can come from bad.

And it’s with this in mind that Violet.. does not give up. She’s stayed in her box enough.. and now she knows the spirit is a friendly one.. she figures they can bring Lena BACK using the amulet. After all it was lena’s and the source of her powers.. it might be the key to reiviving her. And while Lena, if invisibly as always, remarks it’s dangerous.. Webby, with no hesitation agrees to get her girlfriend back. It’s risky sure.. but what Lena hasn’t gotten is she’s WORTH the list. She’s so full of self loathing from both her manupations of webby and Magica’s gaslighting and abuse that she can’t see herself being worth anything even as Webby spent MONTHS trying to save her, clearly still loves her, and only didn’t want violet getting hurt because she misses her. Webby still loves and needs her for who Lena is.. Lena just can’t it and it hurts to think about that.

So the girls once again try to summon Lena and it starts to work.. but also summons the Tulpa’s back... this time taking Magica’s form and causing a suspcious lena to panic.. and suck both of them into the shadow realm. We get the reunion we’ve been waiting for as Webby tackle hugs her happily.

But it’s soon cut short as Lena still thinks Violet is just manipulating Webby, lying to her and that “she’s mine!”

For the record Joss Whedon sucks, not taking that out on Anthony Stewart Head or the guys who actually wrote the episode. Moving on.

I feel Lena’s jealousy comes from the aformentioned self loathing, mixed with a life of having to live just to surivive at the beck and call of a throughly awful person who didn’t consider her a sentient being worthy of anything especially love. She can’t fathom anyone else loving Webby the way she does because she feels once webby has anyone else.. she won’t need her. It’s toxic and wrong.. but it’s easy to see why that’d happen when sh’es only had one healthy relationship. She barely knows the boys, Beakly only grew to tolerate her and she was only friends with Scrooge for like.. a minute. Webby is the only person she knows, loves and trusts and she just can’t risk loosing that and can’t convince herself to share.

In a realistic scenario Lena would have to simply learn to trust and let her girlfriend have other relationshps and that hogging her all to herself is inhernetly toxic and bad. And while she still does we’re talking about a living pile of shadows smooching a clone, so yeah instead the tulpas come out and drag her off..and take Lena’s form. While Lena tries to blame Violet, Violet has absolutley none of that and makes Lena see the hard truth: Lena is so worried about being forgotten, she created the tulpas by accidnet. As I said her power is raw and unfocused.. so she didn’t do it on purpose nor did she realize how toxic she was being. This finally snaps Lena back to reality, and see Violet geniunely cares about Webby and any ulterior motives were just in her head, so the two agree to work together, using a similar chant to the one from Jaws to destroy the Tulpas and save Webby.

So the shadow realm is disapated and our trio are returned to the human world.. but Lena, not being part of it and no longer having a tether.. starts to disolve, with a really heartbreaking scene of Webby holding her hand, as does violet. But.. then a miracle happens. Since the Bracelet was Lena’s link to Webby, and to her own magic, with it and the amulet close by.. both swirl around Lena, and the power of love.. for a new friend and a first love... revivies her. Mist parts.. and we get one heartwarming sign that after all this time “I’m back?!” Lena is confused.. but once again part of this plane of reality. She’s free and WEbby triumphanthly hugs her with Violet joining in. By letting go of her hate.. Lena returned to who she loved. They also run into the end of the other subplot and Launchpad’s casual hey lena is just great.

So our heroes are reunited and doing horror makeup and I really love Webby’s updo here and wish more works fan nd otherwise used it. WE get a final fakeout as Lena seemingly disovles and Violet reveals herself as magica.. only for it to be a prank and Webby to just be glad the love of her life and her new best friend get a long. We get one last hearwarming image and we close out.. with Lena finally having what she always wanted freedom. And while she may not know it yet in accepting violet.. she’s finally found family. More on that in a few weeks.

Final Thoughts: This episode is excellent. It’s not the best of the Lena arc, that comes next and it does drag once or twice.. but overall it’s a really great character piece, with a nice ballance betwen the tense main plot and the funny and goofy subplot. It adds more to Lena’s character, finally brings her back, while giving us a new and throughly fascenating new character to rave about in Violet, as well as giving Webby her own personal squad. It’s a great episode.. and only leads to a better one. But we’ll get to that in a week or so. First we have a bit of a detour and my plug.

If you liked this review, follow for more, spread it around, and join my patreon. It’s almost time for new patreons to pay up and if you hit my stretch goal i’ll review a darkwing duck episode next month and every month! We’re just five bucks away people! And if you’d like to just comission a review directly it’s just 5 bucks an episode and avaliable via my dms, ask or discord.

Next Time on Shadow Into Light: We take a break from the last two Lena episodes to go to one of her sources as we head back to Ducktales 87 with Magica’s Shadow War! I know almost nothing going in so... Shadow betrayals and stuff? Yay?

Tommorow: It’s Fenton’s birthday! And since i’ve done a LOT of ducktales recently and can’t do super ducktales till I hit my next stretch goal at 25 bucks, we’re going back to ST Canard at long last for Gizmoducks second apperance.. which can’t possibly be worse than the first so i’m excited. Let’s get dangerous tommorow!

#lena sabrewing #webby vanderquack #ducktales #weblena #violet sabrewing #shadow into light #friendship hates magic #great title by the way #bentina beakley #launchpad mcquack #darkwing duck

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paunchsalazar · 5 years

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hey!! bro ur my number #1 source for lupin III content so can I ask like how in the hell I go about watching all the series / movies / etc for it in order??? I’m really pumped for the live action so I wanna at least dip into all the other stuff. thanking ya kindly //tips hat

hello!!! what an honor!! oh my… ok I’m so sorry in advance… I’ve gotten a few similar asks and I started writing out a list and it was getting over 1500 words long so I had to try to chill out…so…

LUPIN III CRASH COURSE

I’m sorry that this is so long.. and consider I cut it down! but here is my intro because I know this franchise is huge and confusing!! (I’ve had multiple instances of friends being like ‘I tried to find that Lupin thing you like but I could only find the third one?’)

I kind of liken it to Scooby Doo? it stretches some 60 years and has been handled by many different writers, directors, and animators across very different eras? most important to know! the order doesn’t really matter and things aren’t really sequential (save for where the three most recent shows) so you can jump in and explore whatever seems compelling! it’s overwhelming because there is so much but also nice because there’s something for everybody! if you like fun and pure, edgy, etc. etc.

feel free to disregard everything coming… I will say my personal priority order is

- Castle of Cagliostro

- some episode of part 2

- part IV, ideally all of it! there’s filler but it’s hard to know which ones

- part I (or some episodes of it? up to you!)

- Fuma Conspiracy

- part V

- part III (it’s great too!! just not as sequential as IV and V)

- First Contact… truly indulgent but its so cute!

(below I broke down a little about each and my favorite episodes, where to find them, etc. and there’s so much more but just doing everything below is a whole lot)

TV (All the shows except for The Woman Called Fujiko Mine are on Crunchyroll!)

Part 1 (1971) - crunchyroll!

The beginnings kind of a weird feeling because the first half was directed with one vision vs. the second half being co-directed by Takahata and Miyazaki, there’s a shift in Lupin’s personality and most significantly they sought to shed his ‘sense of apathy’ and make him more of a hero? something that’s echoed later on! honestly, I don’t think the transition is as dramatic as some people find it? but it does shift across the episodes and end on a sweet note!

truly they all have something to enjoy but I made note of

episodes 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 16, 18, 19, 23

for some reason? really really suggest watching the last episode! but get a bit of the first and second half beforehand!

Part II/Red Jacket (1977-80) - 155 episodes - on crunchyroll dubbed and subbed

there are a lot so I tried to narrow it down to a few of my favorites/ particularly noteworthy ones? I bolded my absolute favorites! I’m sure I missed a few but save for a few two-episode arcs you can jump in anywhere and it’ll be fine.

episodes 1-79 are dubbed on Crunchyroll! In my personal opinion the script makes it worth it!! there are a bunch of non-dubbed episodes anyway if you want to get a feel for both

(these episode titles are often hilarious, misleading, and/or horribly embarrassing?)

1 - ‘The Return of Lupin the Third’ - just a good starting point!

5 - ‘Will the Leaning Tower of Pisa Be Standing?’

6 - ‘Tutankhamen’s 3,000-Year-Old Curse’

7 - ‘Venetian Super Express’ - I want to say this is a cute little road trip episode? it’s been so long

9 - ‘Steal the FIle M123’ - this dub… madness. very strange Christopher Walken impression for absolutely no reason?

10 - ‘Bet on the Monaco Grand Prix’

15 - ‘Crude Reproduction, Perfect Frame’ - Lupin keeps committing strange and uncharacteristic crimes, but he has no memory of doing so!

29 - ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ - Lupin has some mysterious Levitation Technique and everyone is after it

32 - ‘Lupin the Interred’ A famed hitman is after Lupin!

34 - ‘But Your Brother Was Such A Nice Guy’ - this episode is one of the zaniest ones and that’s saying a lot… Vampires? Jesus? Really really funny moments though especially in the dub

42 - ‘Cruisin’ in Drag’ Lupin infiltrates the ship of a wealthy bachelor disguised as a woman

45 - ‘Diamonds and Minx’ kind of a mess of people stealing from each other?

46 - ‘The Island of Dr. Derange’

57 - ‘Alter-Ego Maniac’ - Inspector Zenigata goes criminal

62 - ‘Church of the Poison Mind’ - Jigen and Goemon stumble into a religious cult

69 - ‘Zenigata Getcha Into My Life’ - this title is awful but this episode is great.

78 - ‘Ice, Robot’ - an inventor has made a machine that can cry diamonds!

79 - ‘Baton Death March’

81 - ‘Fujiko, Men are a Sorry Lot!” - Fujiko gets engaged to a Prince, the rest of the gang goes after the monarchy’s Golden Bell

96 - ‘Lupin’s Gourmet World’ tbh this is a vore episode but there are some great gang moments here and a really fun third act

99 - ‘Fighting Jigen’ - first anime episode (I think like in history? but I could’ve misread) in stereo! And I believe the first to air of the TMS staff’s work, you can tell because the style shifts to a more Miyazaki/Cagliostro look and this will keep happening for the rest of the show

101 - ‘Fervent Love at Versailles’ - a crossover episode with Rose of Versailles!

103 - ‘The Wolf Looked at an Angel’ - Goemon is an angel I can say little else

104 - ‘The Most Dangerous Golden Bed’ - debut of perhaps the best opening! I love this episode?? so much?

112 - ‘Danger! Goemon’

122 - ‘An Unusual End to an Expedition for Napoleon’s Treasure’

143 - ‘The Miami Bank’

145 - ‘Wings of Death: Albatross’ - ah yes, one of the famed Miyazaki-directed episode, truly so worth it

151 - ‘To Arrest Lupin, the Mission at the Highway’ - another not exactly Miyazaki episode but a lot of the people he trained? They depart from the part 2 style(s) again but its a good bit of fun all around! Really lovely character animation

152 - ‘Jigen and the Hatless Pistol’ - Jigen loses his hat and thus his ability to shoot

155 - ‘Thieves Love the Peace/Farewell, Dear Lupin’ - the finale episode! Miyazaki-directed as well, and just beautiful

Part III (1984) - 50 episodes - crunchyroll!

I’m still very early in this one so I can’t say much yet! But it gets a bad rep? Perhaps for being more inconsistent stylistically and a bit on the zanier end! But I really like it!! these drawings are such a blast! I think each bit has its merits and this one is no exception. Plus with all their freedom animation-wise they can do a lot of fun stuff!

The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (2012) - 13 episodes - on kissanime for certain and I think animetake?

this is the most dramatic departure from the rest of the shows/films/specials. Fujiko Mine is the star of this part! It definitely has less obviously plot-important episodes but it’s one narrative from start to finish. I must note that it’s by far Lupin’s edgiest, I think it’d be safe to deem this part as R-Rated. There’s sex, violence, sexual violence, abuse, bodily mutilation, obsession… a gay character who gets a pretty tragic fate (at first I was excited by the very existence of an LGBT+ character but he really goes through the wringer and never gets a resolution.. I don’t want to spoil). This is probably Lupin at his ickiest? I do like Jigen’s personality here! And his dynamic with Fujiko, but it’s a lot more disjointed than the other parts. She meets each of them separately and towards the end, Lupin and Jigen interact more but there’s barely a time when they’re all together. That’s not meant to be a deterrent but personally, I’m a sucker for their friendship and love them as a group so it’s a bit of a bummer. Sequential plot-wise though! This one is definitely captivating, a bit disturbing, and there is a plot-twist that really got me. The villain design is really cool too!

Part IV (2015) - 26 episodes - on crunchyroll, also dubbed on Funimation

This part is narrative-based and sequential! It still has some more standalone episodes but there’s definitely an overarching story throughout! I think they’re all worth watching and might leave little important bits that’ll be confusing later on. Essentially this part takes place in Italy for the most part and starts with Lupin getting married to a multi-millionaire heiress/model/celebrity who wants to get into the thief business. This one feels like a good combination of old and new, it’s not quite as silly as the earlier parts can be, but it’s full of nostalgia while still feeling original. I really had a good time!

This dub isn’t bad but!! It comes with a different opening and soundtrack, I guess Lupin’s pretty big in Italy and perhaps there were licensing issues? I’m not sure? But it’s a bit of a bummer to be without the Yuji Ohno soundtrack. The alternate opening feels more like a collection of stills and footage found throughout the show? It’s not horrible, just different! Regardless, the Part IV Japanese OP (vs. the Italian/US one) is worth a watch!

Part V (2018, airing on Adult Swim right now, summer 2019!) - 23 episodes

I’m actually not done with this part but its good fun! more directly tied to part iv then the others are to each other. It’s more sequential as well with a few sub-arcs and since it fell on the franchise’s anniversary it has callback episodes with Lupin in various jackets in various tones. Interesting Lupin characterization here… he seems… sadder, wistful? and we get hints of Lupin lore! Lots of fanservice but… I love it! I still think they could’ve pushed it more? it feels somehow more reserved than part IV in some ways, which is already different from the 70s and 80s, but it’s got a lot of lovely moments!!

Films/TV Specials

From 1989 to 2011 they had a special every year!! So much!

Castle of Cagliostro (1979) - Available on Netflix!

perhaps the best-known piece of media in the Lupin franchise? And rightly so. This film is Hayao Miyazaki’s directing debut and a blast from start to finish! This characterization of Lupin is definitely Miyazaki’s more than Monkey Punch’s but that seems to be the strange nature of the Lupin franchise! I could really go on forever… please watch it!

The Fuma Conspiracy (1987) -

perhaps harder to find, but it’s on Kissanime! Goemon is getting married but before the ceremony is over the bride is taken by the Fuma ninja clan and the gang helps him to get her back as well as learn the story of a family heirloom? Really great stuff from everybody! Adorable Zenigata, the fluffiest and most handsome Goemon, cute Jigen, Fujiko, and Lupin interactions, a really really incredible car chase! Even with Cagliostro’s fame, this one has got some serious pizzazz

Episode 0: The First Contact (2002) - on Kissanime as well!

A journalist asks Jigen how he met Lupin III, this is probably my favorite TV special? And features one of my favorite opening scenes in the whole franchise. The instrumental!! Perhaps each member of the gang at their purest, whatever that means, really great moments between everybody and peak Lupin and Jigen meeting and somehow signing up to be life partners

#oh my god #i'm so sorry #please.. feel free to ignore this #lupin #lupin the third #lupin iii #lupin the 3rd #diggitydamnsebastianstan

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gemtalkpodcast · 4 years

Text

We’re alive, we swear! (Along with some insight into making a podcast!)

Hello, everyone! Shane here!

I know it’s been quite a while since our last episode, but with the combination of life hitting Ken and I relatively hard, the holidays, AND Steven Universe going on a long hiatus, we haven’t been able to produce episodes for the past few months. On top of that, producing episodes is a bit more difficult now that Ken and I no longer live in the same building. We weren’t sure if we were going to continue making episodes after the movie ended, since we didn’t know what the Crewniverse had planned. Now that several episodes of Future has been released, though... we’re debating getting back into weekly updates.

Now, I know I’ve said this before, but editing a 1-2 hour long podcast weekly is NOT a small feat, especially for a group of two people. Allow me to give a very brief explanation behind what goes behind making just one of these GemTalk episodes:

1) We watch the episode once for enjoyment, at this point we aren’t thinking about the show as theorists/podcasters, but rather as fans. We don’t put on our super-fanboy glasses until step 2. (15 min.)

2) We separately watch the episode critically. After we let the episode roll around in our heads for about a day, we sit down with the episode and watch it with an intense level of scrutiny, jotting down nearly everything that happens in the episode worth mentioning. This can take anywhere from half an hour to an hour, depending on how lore-heavy the episode is. (30-60 min.)

3) We research anything that could possibly be a clue, hint, reference, etc. This involves a great deal of internet sleuthing to uncover things we might not have known, such as references to places, events, subjects, or pretty much anything that we need more data on to make an informed commentary. This is one of my favorite parts, as I’ve learned a great deal about a broad list of subjects from doing research for a podcast about a cartoon. However, this is also one of the longest portions of the process. We do our absolute best to provide ONLY information that has been provided by several sources or thoroughly verified, while simultaneously keeping the show as fair and honest as possible. While we obviously have a lot of fun with what we do, we strive to maintain a level of honesty, kindness, and integrity in everything we produce. (60-120 min.)

4) The theory crafting section comes next, where Ken and I sit down and discuss how the recent information we’ve received could be connected to past events. Sometimes we go back and watch old episodes, or review old theories, or even plan out extensive hypothetical situations to see how well they hold up to scrutiny. Sometimes we let our minds go wild and come up with some pretty crazy theories, but we do our best to focus most often on where we think the show “will” go. Since most of this section is open conversation, plotting, reviewing, and theorizing, it happens sporadically over the next day or so. (120 min. - 180 min.)

5) Planning out the show comes next. It might be somewhat surprising to hear this, but our shows do have a fairly loose script. We’ve tried going nearly completely off the cuff before, and it just ends up as a rambling mess. To do this, we sit down with our separate set of notes, compare what we both feel is important to discuss, and determine the order in which we should talk about each topic. This is done to ensure that the flow of our conversation feels natural while running parallel to what is happening in the show. This also usually serves as a “mock run” of the episode, giving us the opportunity to practice how we’ll approach each topic and loosen up the ol’ lips. For me, it also means I’m chugging the last of my coffee before we go on! (60 min.)

6) Recording! This step doesn’t require a great deal of explaining, aside from some small “behind the scenes” facts you might not know. For example, there are several moments where one of us will trip over our lines and “bluh bluh flibberty gibberty” for a few seconds, which obviously gets cut. Also, one of us will occasionally say something very wrong (intentionally or otherwise), which leads to a fit of laughter, which also must be cut. Very rarely we’ll think of something right in the middle of an episode and literally stop what we’re doing to do research just to make sure we’re right. Either way, this usually ends up with nearly twice as much content as actually gets posted. (120 min.)

7) EDITING. The bane of my existence. The curse that accompanies my love of podcasting. This is where I make a massive cup of coffee, burn a pumpkin spice candle, get super comfy in my blanket, and sit at my computer for half a day. The process starts with taking a raw 2+ hour clip, canceling out the noise, adjusting the volume levels, editing out any unexpected background noise, cutting out any mistakes, ensuring that the audio around the cut sounds natural, fixing mic peaks (usually from laughing), removing “filler words” (Hmm, Ummm, Uhh, etc.), adding the intro and outro music, saving, and exporting. This whole process is pretty much the rest of my day once I get home from my day job. (240-360 min.)

8) Posting and advertising is the final step. We’ve pretty much gotten this down to a science at this point, so it takes a lot less time and effort than it used to. We upload the episode to Soundcloud, which beams it out to other podcasting websites, and then post it out on our social media pages. We also try (sometimes better than others) to create other fan content to keep our social media pages as more than just another reservoir of episodes. (30 min.)

If you add all of that up, it comes out to around 13-14 hours of work a week to generate a 1-2 hour podcast. That means GemTalk is practically a part-time job for each of us, on top of our full-time jobs. However, SU has been a wonderful part of my life that has allowed me to create something with my best friend. The time I spend working on the show is a labor of love, and just hearing that people enjoy listening to us ramble about the show for hours at a time means the world to me. Making GemTalk also provided Ken and I with the opportunity to reach out to the community during conventions and provide help in areas like writing, critical thinking, and (perhaps unexpectedly) cooking. It’s been a wonderful ride so far, and we wanted to reach out to everyone and let them know that it’s not over just yet.

As stated when I began this (now much longer than anticipated) post, we’re currently holding discussions as to whether or not we should continue making episodes about Steven Universe Future. We’re not opposed to it, so it’s likely we will. Regardless of what we decide, however, please be aware that there will be something to look forward to! We can’t promise exactly when, but it’s likely to be within the next few weeks. I’ll do my best until then to try to keep everyone posted.

As always, love ya’ll and thanks for reading/listening!

- Shane <3

#Steven Universe #Steven Universe Future #SU #SUF #GemTalk #Podcast #GemTalk Podcast #Podcasting #Editing #Behind the Scenes

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onepunchmiss · 5 years

Text

OPM s2e10 Live Blog

“Justice Under Siege”

ALRIGHT so despite the fact that it is the 1 week anniversary of my death, OPM has forcefully wrenched me from the underworld to come continue with the season. So here I am and I’ve already posted my guess for what this episode will entail so lets see how well I handle it! (see: how much I scream) As always, I’m watching as someone who is up to date on both the Manga and webcomic

ASDFGHJKL I OPENED OPM ON HULU AND IT IMMEDIATELY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF AT REWATCHING THE ZOMBIEMAN BIT HOW DARE I WAS NOT READY

lets try that again ok

AHA YES OMG we’re starting with this!! I was totally expecting to pick up exactly where we left off, with Destrochloridium at the HA but OK throw me for a loop! Mix it up! “ORA ORA ORA ORA” I love Saitamas VA, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I laffff oh my god it keeps going in the background as Kind talks I can’t

This is the scariest Saitama face I have ever witnessed wtf??? Why does it look so creepy?? Also, they added quite a bit to this scene huh? I guess They have to amp up the jokes since shit is getting pretty serious otherwise at this point in the series. OH SHIT THE DING ‘NO OTHER WORDS CAME TO MIND” OK Excellently done that got me I cackled fffffffffffffffff

OH MY GOD KING THAT SICK BURN?!?! I dont remember that I guess they’re really making it a point to be like ‘HEY LOOK THIS IS GONNA BE USED!!! IT EXISTS!!!’ but like I dont care cause it was worth it for the joke hhhhhhhhhhhJUST

Yanno, I just realised I think I know where every sing scene in the whole opening comes from down to the omake. Also just realised we are definitely getting Genos/Bang/Bomb vs Centipede cause that joint attack Bang and Bomb use is in the opening. Huh why did that only just now click anD OH MY GOD BB GENOS IM DYING NO

Ok now we’re where we left off and oh dear god I HATE that squish noise please stop no OK Gyoro’s weird Eye twitch was a cool touch. Oh wait Narinki is the highest ranking executive now? I thought he was just the top donor of funds or something? eh anyway- lol wow Gyoro puts on a convincing sob story voice this is so funny?? Cause its Complete BS and I wonder what my reaction would be if I didn’t already know that AHH OK BUT THAT ‘HEHIHIHIHIHI’ LAUGH THO OMG SO GOOD

WHEW ok but seriously just the MENTION of assembling all the heroes is raising my blood pressure asdfghjkl if I may have one thing in life PLEASE LET IT BE A THIRD SEASON PLEASE IM BE G G IN G

AHH YESSS!!!! YYYEEESSSS!!!!! DARKSHINE MY DUDE MAN BRO GUY YESSSS!!!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!! I JUST!!!!!! HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE OTHERWISE NORMAL GUYS WITH OBSCENE MUSCLES LIKE DARKSHINE AND TTM!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ASDFGHHJKL Did Destrochloridium just shout Itadakimasu?? HULU y u no translate that??? DOI as he gets smooshed pfffffftttttttttttt omg the sound pls ohmigod everyone knows steel is no match for a hardened body i just fukken HEKK I love this show so much pls he sounds so concerned that destro DIDNT know that

“Better step up” OH MY GOD YES DO THE THING

OK WAIT This is actually badass and not just a joke?? Darkshine, er, Blackluster(??) stop u r 2 good I cant handle it rn

oooohhhhHH OH OH OH OH PLS SHOW EVERYONE I WANT PLS THE MONSTER ASSOCIATION!!! PLS!! SHOW ME WIFE?? CADRES?? PLZ?? yo total side note but I LOVE Murata’s monster designs?? Every time I reread opm I just oogle at a new one I never noticed before they’re all so unique and good. Also At least 3 of them in this sequence look like pokemon i swear- lol the silence no applause, if that was a joke in the manga i totally missed it uuuuwaAAAAAAAAAAA SCREAMING SCREAMING I AM SCREAM CADRE YES YES ASDFGHJKL ARE YALL READY TO SEE T H A T FACE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES THUS FAR???? HUH????

ew oh wait I actually feel bad for Awakened Cockroach, and he twitches after getting eaten oh noooooonono ew oh no dude im sorry no AAAAAAAAA WIFE HELLO oh their voices are so sad when they’re terrified for their lives I dont like it :[ ITS OK UR SAFE 4 NOW ILY PLZ BE CAREFUL AND STAY AWAY FROM PRETTY MEN

YES THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING IVE WANTED SO FAR THANK YOU SO MUCH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOOOOOOOK AAT THEMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY TRASH SON I HAVE MISSED YOU OH NO MY EYES THERES WATER IN MY EYES HELP ILY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMYCYBORG SON MY HEART I WEAK GENOS BB PLS BE CAREFUL ILY TOO hey heres a WACKY and TOTALLY LoOnEy IdEa, what if,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WHAT-IFF,,,,,,,,,,, everyone was HAPPY???? Crazy I knowww I just want the best for my sons and babies and children boys wives daughters loves and husband, is it so much to ask???

Oh my god he looks so Sad here please no Genos everything will be ok please don’t be reckless do not be reckless listen to Dr. Kuseno you fool

[SCREAMING] ASDFGGHJKL LOOKIT HIM EATING OH MY GOD MY BOY MY DELINQUENT SON GET BETTER SOON oh my god i started out fine this episode but its KILLING ME there are TOO MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE i CANNOT BREATH

CHILD EMPEROR MY SON I LOVE YOU TOO BOFOI UR AN ASS oh my god please can you even TRY to be a good mentor for the kid???? Thats it Zombieman adopt him pls remove shitty Bofoi influence replace with Best dad man influence. ANYWAY ok that was a tangent huh oops sorry. Ok but look at him. Child Emperor is genuinely adorable and a sweetheart poor kid don’t lose your faith in adults.

Uh, the episode is running late still not to Garou yet either?? hmmmmmmmmm again I’m getting nervous are they gonna rush it?? lol the saitama throwaway OH OH FINALLY OMG MY HEART ISNT READY MY FAVORITE GAROU IN THE WHOLE SERIES OH MY GOD

im… im screaming… i love these two so much it hurts it does really. I was not prepared for how adorable it was possible to make Tareo either can I hug?? I must hugg?? And Garou’s voice is so calming and he’s being so sweet? I was really expecting to sound more… i dont know, whiney? Every time he shows up on the screen I love him more and more ffs

This is such a good shot. Desktop wallpaper material right here.

Oh my god, this moment. And the music is just yanking my heart strings stop.

Oh yeah, they interrupt right. I like these heroes and all, but none of them are particular faves the fact that I think SO MANY OTHER FAVES were are RIGHT before them this ep just kinda overshadows their existence for me. I think this is the ONLY time in the series where Garou goes up against heroes and i cheer for him 110%, don’t even feel a little bad about who he’s beating the shit out of, and that’s kinda messed up of me but thats how impartial I am towards all these guys?

Back to Garou and I love him. hhhhh.

He smak the table

He laughs. Oh no his laugh. OPM forcefully dislocated me from the underworld to watch this episode and has thusly YEETED ME TO HEAVEN THAT LAUGH. I really need Garou to be happy.

Do you see this man? Do you see him? I do and I’m crying thank you

Omg I got really caught up it watching them talk but the sparkles around death gatling whe Tareo was looking at them snapped me out of it. oi I cant handle this. Garou I want you to know that you have successfully turned the bad guy into the one everyone wants to win. You did it boy you did

WOAHMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OH MY GOD AND THE MUSIC IM SCREAMING

GAROU

YOU

ARE

AMAZING SON

like I know how this goes but I’m so anxious anyway the hhhhhhhhhhhhh the fight choreography is a little clunky but I don’t care OH ok cool Glasses actually kept his little spotlight nice but Garou GAROU PLS B CAREFUL OK except WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS MOUTH DOING THAT LOOKS SO STUPID WHAT THE HELL?? HOLY SHIT IM GETTING DIZZY STOP wh- wh- wait no. NO IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET COME BACK PLEASE I NEED MORE WAIT NO UHG this is my reaction at the end of every episode when will I learn?????????????? never. The answer is never.

NO POST CREDITS STINGER and AS MUCH AS I LOVE GENOS’S FACE I already knew he would be in the episode next week. Yall I am so lost as to where the final episode will land. WTF.

This ep was a roller coaster oh my god. Non stop plot not that the tournament is done, and we saw like EVERY CHARACTER my feeble heart could not keep up. The ONLY thing that bothered me was part of the fight sequence at the end, like it was half drawn beautifully half animated so stiff and blocky ??? Threw me for a loop. But next week is only gonna get more intense??? I’m gonna guess we’ll get through the Elder Centipede fight??? But then what does that mean for the last episode??? I am full of SO MANY QUESTIONS??? I really don’t want the season to end yet, 12 eps is not enough. There’s only 2 more. Just. I’m not ready to let go of my bbs it feels like I only JUST got them… Well! Before I devolve into more of a blubbering mess, thanks yall so much for reading!!! As always, see yall next week!

#opmiss mumbling #i cant believe the season is ending so soon #just as shit is kicking tf up #s2e10 #opm #one punch man #live blogging #garou #saitama #genos #child emperor #metal bat #badd #black sperm #wind and flame

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mfackenthal · 5 years

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The MFackenthal Show and @maxattack-powell!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

Hello all! Welcome back to the MFackenthal Show! I am so glad that you are here today. If you’re new to the show, I encourage you to go here to find past episodes. There are only a few.

The MFackenthal Show has officially been green lit for more episodes! We used to only be able to afford to run the show every once in a while, but the people have spoken - they want to see the show more often! The funding came through and we hope to give the people what they want! Do you want to be on the show? Do you have someone that you want to see on the show? If so - reblog or comment or send a message to let MFackenthal know! We’ll see what we can do! We have this show and two others lined up for you!

I could not be more excited to bring you this next guest. She has been with the fandom for quite a while. She was one of the first people I started communicating with on a regular basis. She has talked me up, supported me from the beginning and though she hasn’t written much lately - when she does drop a chapter - it’s long and it’s worth it! Please welcome to the stage @maxattack-powell!!!!! (Insert Cheering here!)

(Megs greets Max with a hug - which means that Megs essentially runs and leaps into Max’s arms. Max is fairly tall and Megs is barely 5′3″)

Megs: Max, I am so happy that you are here! Can you believe that you’re here today?

Max: Haha, yes - I can. But I am honored to be here.

Megs: Max, sit with me. For those in the audience who may not know you, tell us about when and why you joined the fandom.

Max: Yanno, I always made my best guess at this before, but I knew you were going to ask me this - so I looked it up. Did you know that now there’s this Official Tumblr blog called @memories, and it knows down to the minute when someone joined? Let me go check it… *digs through the blogs posts* Okay, it was apparently 07/31/2017 at 1:17:15 PM, which means it must have been on the weekend because of the time of day haha.

As for why ... hmm, well… I found the Choices app one day, when it only had like… three series I think! Anyone else remember that time?

Megs: I do! Because I was playing Hollywood University I think I downloaded choices the day the app came out.

Max: Awh! Well, I fell in love with The Freshman Series. Mostly because of Chris Powell and Zack Zilberg, and a long time ago I was in another fandom that had tons of fan fiction/art… so I googled “Choices Chris Powell” and any other combination I could think of looking for possible fanfiction. The fandom was almost non existent at the time. There was actually one person, who has long since left the fandom due to fandom dramas - we all know the kinds I’m talking about - but a few others had started posting their works as well… and I got hooked. Eventually I felt the bug to write how I felt TF should play out as well, and here I am *looks back at the “joined tumblr timestamp”* uhh… 20ish months ago! Haha!!

Megs: LOL, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like that long ago ... lets call a spade a spade - that was almost 2 years ago! That’s amazing! You have to have seen so much in this fandom! What is it that keeps you around?

Max: There are so many awesome people in this fandom, in this world we’ve all created for our pixelated loves lol. Soooo many creative minds to follow and enjoy. The content people share, original or repost… it’s great.

... Unfortunately it is also a double edge sword ... the drama, the jealousy, the rumors, the hate, etc. I’ve sadly seen far too much and it comes in so many forms… it’s unnecessary.

Megs: I couldn’t agree more! If you could tell the fandom one thing - what would it be?

Max: It would be that we’re all here because we want to have a good time. No one came here to get ridiculed, to be scrutinized or chastised for their opinions, their likes or dislikes. Real life has enough of that going on. We are all individuals - if you want to be treated nicely, fairly, etc. you must also do the same to others. There is no reason someone must agree with you or anyone else. Live and let live. Embrace our differences as it makes us who we are. Most of the issues I see stem from a simple difference in opinion. That is ridiculous. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts. We must build each other up, not tear one another down. No one here owes anyone anything, now go have some fun.

(The room stands up in applause!)

Megs: You should definitely stand up and take a bow, Max!

(Max does just as Megs suggests - but she also makes Megs stand up and do the same. Laughing, they both sit back down.)

Awh, Max ... okay, let’s get back to you. We know that you’d fight anyone for the position of The Chris Powell Appreciation/Fan Club. And for those who don’t know, Max has been retelling the full The Freshman series, interweaving dialogue and plot from PB but also adding much of her own content. MC and Chris get a backstory. Chris gets best friends from back home. What is your favorite piece that you have written?

Max: Oh geez hahaha. Um… can I just say The Freshman Chronicles as a whole? I’ve written for different fandoms, and I have original WIPs but I’ll stick to the Choices fandom for this answer. I’ve put a lot of time into TFC. Tons of additional story work, research on characters and their backgrounds, PBs and my own OCs. You should see my file folder setup haha. It’s crazy… I have so many docs, pictures and gifs. Most organized by location (Hartfeld, Boston, New Haven, Cherryfield, etc.), then by character… and on some I get more detailed and split them by emotion and situation.

Megs: By what again?

Max: Emotion and Situation ... Yeah. I warned you it was crazy! *laughs* TFC was the reason I joined tumblr really. Instead of staying a Nonny and only reading others posted works. I wanted to comment, like and reblog what I enjoyed, while I also worked on my own contribution to the fandom. I had a vision for Chris and MC that had more than the game could give, and I wanted to see if i was still any good at writing since it had been years and years… it’s funny to see how different my current posts are from my first over a year ago. Makes me want to go update a few because they could use a little help *awkward laugh*

Megs: I’m sure we can all relate to that! Hmmm ... I’m starting to get a feel for this, I think, but what is your writing process?

Max: Lots of planning, mostly in my head. When I feel like I have a decent concept I might type out some notes or work it into my outline (another crazy thing I have going for TFC because it’s so big haha). But usually, once I hatch out a basic plan on where I’m going… I just start typing. Keeping the general plot and main points I want to hit in mind, I simply start typing… keeping it as organic as possible. It usually works out well.

Megs: Do you have any advice for other writers?

Max: First, and most importantly… do it because you enjoy it. Don’t do it for likes, reblogs, popularity, etc. If you’re having a good time dreaming things up and typing them out, that’s what’s important. The rest is just an extra bonus. Also, don’t give up. It’s easy to become discouraged, frustrated, distracted and more… but remember - your creative cells can’t be running all the time. They need to rest just like your body. Take breaks… go read, play games, hang out with friends/family, watch a movie… whatever. Just do something to help you relax, to reset and you’ll very probably find inspiration and/or motivation to continue. Remember, this is for fun. *wink and finger guns*

Megs: So what do you do for fun?

Max: I actually have a few things I do regularly. A big one is making costumes/props for conventions, small productions, etc. I also train and show horses. I do the same with my dogs, but more for competitions and not really any shows. I’ve always drawn, sculpted, painted since I was old enough to hold things with my hands… and about a year ago I started learning how to do it digitally as well. I run (not at all for fun haha) and play hockey (totally for fun), follow comics and watch anime. I've restored houses, cars and old furniture. I like to read as much as I can - that’s an important one. I also play video games. Something I’ve done since I was young… I've even competed, and won, a few gaming tournaments.

Megs: You don’t know how to be bored do you?

Max: LOL, Megs. Yeah, um, so there’s a “few” *makes air quotes* of my never ending list of interests haha. Gives me a lot to talk about with people, eh?

Megs: Not that I can understand how you’d have time for this ... but what do you do to help pay for your many activities?

Max: Oh like, my job? Well that can be a simple answer… like “I work in software” but the more interesting way to say it is I use my MBA, experience in business, the financial industry and technology to improve and stabilize my customers environment through technological solutions that fit their specific needs. *presses lips together* I solve problems by designing solutions. Bored yet? Hahaha.

Megs: No! That sounds wonderful! Who doesn’t want their stuff to be designed better? Any chance you could start working for tumblr? Some of us have a few complaints ... tags ... mobile losing our work ...

Max: I’m not sure they could pay me enough to help them with all of their problems! But, tumblr, feel free to send me an offer!

Megs: Seriously - send her a 6 figure offer!

Max: Okay, Megs, well now I have a question for you.

Megs: Uhhhh, Max, that’s not exactly how this is supposed to go.

Max: Yeah, don’t care. Your fans need to know ... Hoooow do you find the time to read and review so much?! And I know that’s just in this fandom. I know you read books and you may read for other fandoms!? Seriously, it’s awesome. We need to clock your page flipping speed haha.

Megs: *blushes* Oh my gosh, you have to stop! Here’s the key to how I do it ... I wake up at 5:30am and read for about 30 minutes. Then I workout and start my day. I read in line at the grocery stores. I read on my breaks at work.

Max: Oh my gosh - you’re such a nerd and I love that! Okay, nerd, what is your favorite thing to do, besides reading all the things of course?

Megs: This show, of course! And, of course, getting people to do silly things on this show with me. For instance - with as athletic as you are, I hear you can’t jump?

Max: Megs, shhhhh. You told me you weren’t going to bring that up.

Megs: I did no such thing! (Meg says while laughing) I said I might not bring it up.

Max: Uh huh.

(Kris Kross’s “Jump” starts playing in the studio)

Megs: Come on - show me what you’ve got!

(Megs starts “singing” along and jumping along with the song. Max stays seated. Megs finally pulls Max up into a standing position. Max plays along and “jumps” next to Megs - getting no air at all.)

Oh, come on Max - put some real strength in to it. Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Max jumps and gets the smallest amount of air time.)

Max: *laughing* Megs - I’m tall! I don’t need to jump to reach things!

Megs: *laughing* That must be nice. I got good at this type of jumping because I had to learn to jump up and gently grab things from the grocery so I didn’t knock everything down.

*continuing to jump around the audience - getting everyone to join her* And that’s all for the show today today, folks! Thank you for watching!! Have a great night!

#The Mfackenthal Show #With @maxattack-powell #Official show number 3 #But the 4th interview #Ellen has nothing on me #Oh who are we kidding #I wish I were half as cool as Ellen #She gets paid to do this #I do this for free #But I love it!

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sweetdollfromhell · 6 years

Text

Chilling tales of Riverdale, a crossover fic

Chapter 6 of a old fanfic but stil alive that is a mix of Riverdale, CAOS and Archie horror. Located in season 2 and will have differences with the canon for both shows. This fanfic contains corrections for something that bothers me in the canon like the fact that Toni's actress is not a first nation (this detail is there but presented differently and I hope to use the terms correctly ), the weird thing with the multi-cultural neo-Nazi (plus I go with the comic book where Archie is Jewish), the impacts of the snake dance, Joaquim (because it's weird that these friends talk about it exactly once in 22 episodes and in a disposable sentence), for Sabrina's family, as shocking as it sounds, given the dates given, yes Sabrina's father is literally 10 years older than Ambrose in the show canon (not the actors, I know but it's worth wondering if Ambrose is aging well or if Edward is aging badly)and yes, you can find Toni or Sabrina pretty bitchy towards one or the other but don’t be afraid, no one is going to become a bad guy for the purposes of the plot, I just think they would have tensions between the two given the situation (I really like the two chararctere and I expect a possible friendship because who doesn't like Vitriolic Best buds?)Sorry, it was a long explanation, but I didn't want people to misunderstand my intentions.

*******************************************************************************************

-What do you think of Archie's plan? Asked Betty of Kevin.

-That it may come from a noble intention, but it will end badly. You know how many accidents happen because a few idiots thought they knew better than everyone else," replied the young man. -And let's just say, if I'm willing to trust Archie, I doubt a little more about Reggie or Dilton. But we're a little hypocritical of ourselves.

-What do you mean? Asked Betty surprised her.

-Hello Betty, the whole Jason Blossom case where we played Scooby-doo? Call Kevin back.

-Maybe but we must do something... Me and Jug met tonight to read some documents that will help us with the black hood case. Do you want to come?

Kevin was surprised by the invitation asking if Betty is still trying to make amends but realizes that the runaway was at her boyfriend's house. Yeah, he was going to let him benefit from the doubt.

-Isn't that going to stress your guest out?

-Sabrina? Uh, I don't know, she seems really in need of human contact, I guess he won't have a problem. We just must avoid talking about where it comes from. She almost had a panic attack when I tried to talk about it. And I hope you like cats.

Once in front of Jughead's trailer, Betty and Kevin will knock on the door. Toni open them up.

-Hello Toni," said Betty, surprised to see her there. -I didn't know you'd be here.

- Jugh told me about your project and it's a subject I'm passionate about too. I see you brought someone along too.

-Oh yes, here is Kevin Keller, said the young woman to introduce her friend who reached out to her.

-Hi.

-Toni Topaz, said the interested party, but she did not take his hand. -In, Jugh is gone looking for food for everyone and I stayed here to babysit Poison Ivy.

-I heard that! Shouted a voice in the Caravan.

-That was the goal, Toni replied.

As Betty and Kevin entered, Sabrina came to meet them. She looked much more presentable than when Betty saw her in the drinks. She had worn a vintage horror red t-shirt, a short black skirt, a big jean jacket with a wool lining, knee socks with striped , mary-James, un gold necklace and the headband given by Toni held her short hair in place.

-Betty! I am happy to see you again," said the girl smiling.

-I am also happy to see you again Sabrina," Betty replied surprised by the welcome. -This is Kevin," she continued.

Sabrina looked up at the young man with an intriguing look before reaching out.

-Hello Kevin, it's nice to meet you.

-I also like your cute grunge loli look, I especially like your Gremlin shirt," Kevin continued, watching it blush.

-Thank you, it's probably one of the most representative things in my wardrobe... Most of my clothes are practical.

-Oh what a shame, maybe Ronnie can lend you something...

Kevin kept talking with Sabrina about everything and nothing that probably lowered her defenses, Betty hoped. She went to Toni wondering what to say to her: she wanted to silence that stupid feeling of jealousy in her and become friends with that person whom Jughead clearly appreciated but she had no idea how to interact with that person. She decides to try the banality.

-I hope we have enough for everyone," she tried clumsily. -You will tell me what we owe you and Jughead.

-You will ask your non cousin, she is the one who is buying, Toni replied.

Betty was surprised to see that Toni knew the lie to invent about Sabrina's origin (she was her cousin exception if the question was asked by the Cooper or the Sheriff, then it would be Jughead's) but let it go

-Oh, that's nice of him.

-No, it's necessary. Because personally, if I were Jug, I'd throw away everything in my fridge!

-I'm not sure I understand," Betty said troubled.

Toni sighed before explaining below:

-You know the Ghoulies who attacked you?

-Yes?

-She didn't just beat them, she poisoned them.

-What? Says Betty surprised. - How? How? Are they...?

-With a mushroom junk from which she had covered her broom. They are in the hospital, Miss swears that even if it has violent effects it can be treated well and without any backlash but still. Personally, I won't eat what she's cooking just so we know more about Jolly Jane. Note, having a criminal mind could be useful even if there is a world of difference between a teenage poisoner whose primary purpose is not murder and a guy in his forties who kills by violent means such as a gun or knife. Both are motivated by punishing someone they consider having committed a crime.

Betty was speechless when she heard the revelation; it was a little too much for just five minutes.

-I... she... how did you come to that conclusion? Does it end with a request?

-Jug and I have to investigate," Toni answered proudly. -And she has no choice but to confess.

-I see, said Betty trying to untangle what she was feeling. -But you said she didn't want to kill them?

-That's what they lend and for what I learned about this thing, it seems possible but it's still dangerous. Shit, I was there when one of the Ghoulies developed symptoms, he could have had a concussion or choked on his vomit. I don't have them in my heart and I believe her when she says they wanted to see harm done. ¨Damn, they already beat him up once....

-What? Exclaimed Betty, unwittingly drawing Sabrina and Kevin's attention.

-You didn't know... Toni realized. -Sorry, I didn't mean to... Hey, you two, it's a private conversation," she said.

-Sorry, but it's a little hard to ignore when space is so limited, and no one is discreet, Kevin replied.

- Not to mention the fact that most people have the decency to talk behind their backs when they are not in the room, says Sabrina with an icy voice.

-Oh, that's cute, you think I didn't want you to know," Toni mocked.

Betty wants to calm things down in between but also asks Sabrina and Jughead for explanations while we're at it. Because right now one part is shocked by her revelations but another part that she would like to silence herself thinks it's well done for the Ghoulies. But two things stop her; the first is something that only lasts for a moment and that she is the only one who has noticed.

She had felt ants crossing her and a sudden cold and noticed Sabrina's eyes: it seemed as if the pupils were dilating... No, not really, not really that they seemed to want to pass the iris without making it disappear by swallowing only the white, but the operation started without ending, the pupil returning to its normal size so quickly. A play of light, fatigue, who knows?

The other was the sound of the door opening to reveal Jughead carrying many of Pop.

-Hi, a little help would be nice.

Kevin and Toni hurry to help while the two blondes stay where they belong.

-Toni told you what? Asked Sabrina whispering.

-That you've been poisoning people. Do you confirm?

-Yes, but only in self-defense. I'm not stupid or cruel either, Betty. I took something that's not fatal and with obvious symptoms, so they'd have to see a doctor. This way, he had less risk of complications if something went wrong. A silent aggressor is worse than a noisy one.

-It seems like you're talking about experience...says Betty was confused.

-I told you, my ancestors were pretty good at it and we kept their notes. We try to keep their knowledge alive and learn the tricks that can be used.

-That explains Toni's comment.

-You don't have to be afraid of me," Sabrina said in an almost begging tone.

Her sentence made Betty uncomfortable but not for the reason she thought she did. Sabrina seemed more frightened at the thought of being repelled than any consequence has its actions. She also had a darkness in her that terrorized her, something dark that if she pointed her dirty head at her, would drive away all those who had never had affection for her. Because Betty still wonders why Veronica was talking to her after what she did to Chuck, how Archie could say he wasn't good enough for her after knowing him all his life, why Jughead loved her and treated her as a fragile thing rather than some kind of monster escaping from the asylum. Was Sabrina just a rebellious child who became pariah like Polly or a good soul who had to learn never to let her guard down to survive like Kevin.

With hindsight, these next actions would seem very stupid, but too bad.

-I'm not afraid of you. For the moment, you haven't tried to hurt me or my loved ones, on the contrary, you wanted to protect us. So it's okay, but if you have other things you'd like to tell us that are important, it's better if you do it quickly. So that we can help you and avoid unpleasant surprises, but I would understand if you don't feel ready yet. It's just... I think it's a lot of trouble for Toni and...

-You too, Sabrina finished.

Not for the reasons you think, would have wanted to answer Betty. Because after this new information given by Toni, Sabrina could literally make the Ghoulies regurgitate their guts and bleed their eyes for what concerns her! And the one that realized horrifying her more than the idea that Sabrina was an expert in poison.

-I...

-Betty? Are you coming?

-Of course, Betty replied, giving her an emergency exit to allow Sabrina to leave the conversation.

Surprisingly, they had enough food for everyone and no one tried to tear someone else's face off. Sabrina's cat, Salem, had decided to make his presence known once the food was served, searching for it. He had managed to get some from his mistress, Betty and Kevin. As a reward, the young man even won that the animal settled on his lap by purring with satisfaction. In fact, Betty realized that the group she and Jughead had assembled was actually quite effective: Toni had experience in the darker parts of the city had several ideas or the killer could have found an unregistered weapon in addition to his interest in criminology, Kevin also shares this passion in addition to having literally grown up among the criminal cases thanks to his father and Sabrina seemed to know more about the dark history of the region whether it was Riverdale, Greendale, Sunnydale or other city in the region without speaking that Toni had been right for this criminal mentality story.

-You can find a weapon anywhere, see it taken from no one where you are and delete the number is easy with the right contacts, says Toni.

- The guy probably also has security experience because he knows so much about surveillance and if he doesn't succeed in all these crimes, he didn't leave any clues. It means that his first concern is his safety," Kevin continued.

-Speaking of which, am I the only one who thinks her motive is fake? False-Grundy of what you explained made sense in the sin department to be a pedophile but the other victims? Two teenagers taking drugs and perhaps having some adventurous caress? A single man who had a short affair with a married woman for whom he may have had real rather than purely sexual feelings and who acts like a saint the rest of the time? added Sabrina. -A little weak as sinners, don't you think? And this even if he was only motivated by lust.

-The best thing would be to make a list of everything they have in common, Jughead cut out. -It can't hurt.

Betty felt her stomach twisting as she thought back to the serial killer's letters and saw Kevin's strong gaze. She would rather keep quiet, it could have been just a stupid joke after all....

-Easy! All from Nordside and privilege! Says Toni.

- Fake Grundy came from Greendale, Moose is the eldest of six children with parents composed of a soldier and a mother who has a home daycare not what I would call privileged, corrected her Kevin. -Moose has already said that if he can get into a good university it will only be because he is good at football and they will want more minorities.

-Fred Andrew is also not rolling in gold,gave up Jughead.

- Grundy still lived in Nordside, Toni continued. -And how is this guy a minority? She continued surprised.

- His mother is an Amerindian. But she was adopted so Moose just knows the name of her tribute, unfortunately. And before you ask, they never had any government money for it because his mother thinks it's horrible to just use it to make ends meet, Kevin concluded.

-Uktena? Sabrina asked.

-I think so, said Kevin.

-Impossible, said Toni. -I am one and I've never heard of him.

-That's normal, isn't it? They were almost all massacred, only children and a few naaldlooshiis survived. The first dispersed to the four winds and the second having found refuge in Greendale. Honestly, that's the way it is in every small town, if you go through people's genealogies, discover lots of weird links and cousins you didn't know you had.

Betty almost laughed as she remembered the whole drama with her family and the Blossoms. Oh my God, she didn't know how right she was.

-And I'm going to be honest like Moose, I wouldn't have known you were if you hadn't told me, Sabrina continued. By whom, by the way?

-My grandfather, Toni answered quickly.

-Oh, so you're a Native American quarter?

-Well, technically yes," said Toni suddenly uncomfortable.

-Technically? Insista Sabrina.

-He is my grandmother's husband but he is not the father of his children, but he adopts them and raises them! So that counts, right? She defended herself.

-It makes him a good man and definitely your grandfather! But as a very white girl, I'm not going to get into a discussion about whether you can say you're culturally Native American," says Sabrina laughing.

-Are you from your origins? Oh, don't worry, don't you have to talk about Mom and Dad, just say if you have something interesting in there? Asked Toni, frustrated at having been taken to class.

-My grandfather was an American, but he lived in England where he met my grandmother who was herself a mixed English and Australian. They got married, they have my three aunts before returning to the United States and having my father. The oldest of my aunts is staying there with her late husband.

-Did she marry young or does she just have a big difference with your father? Ask Jugh.

-Both. My father and cousin must be about ten years apart. Her husband was Afro-English and otherwise we also crossed the geneological tree we have German, Indian, French and Uktena

-What's is that word you use? Nanalooshi? Asked Kevin.

-An abomination/victim! Both girls said with a heart.

-Okay. Maybe…, Betty began.

-Hey, it's my culture! These people were criminals who deserved their fate! Says Toni.

-Need I remind you that being gay or having an abortion was once a crime? Most of his people were healers for not being able to heal someone or sick people rejected out of fear? Says Sabrina.

Jughead decided to intervene at that moment:

-Maybe get back to the main topic? I don't think we can solve this issue tonight, but maybe the Black Hood issue.

The two girls stared at each other but obeyed each other. Jughead continued:

-I admit that even if there is still the possibility that only attacks people he can reach and leaves out targets like Hiram Lodge, it doesn't go with his provocative attitude.

-Overcompensation? ask Kevin.

Jughead shook her unconvinced head before turning to Sabrina.

-Sabrina, can I ask you something else with this investigation and was hoping for an honest answer?

-Wow, almost no pressure! Says Sabrina uncomfortable. -You can always try. I wouldn't lie, but I keep the privilege of pleading the fifth.

The cat suddenly stopped purring on Kevin's lap and he felt it tender. Did the animal feel the stress of its owner?

-I suspect that Greendale is not a village, but have you known anyone with a connection to the real Miss Grundy or the fake one? Her real name was Jennifer Gibson, known as Jughead.

Sabrina seemed to reassure immediately, and the cat became soft again on Kevin's lap.

-Oh, just that. I don't know Jennifer or any Gibson. I know a little bit of some of the Grundy family, but it's just that we went to the same church. I can try to answer as best I can about them if you want but I don't see anything very useful in it.

-Do you think the killer could have come from there? Suddenly ask Kevin.

-What makes you think that? Asked Betty surprise.

-He was very comfortable with this attack: he succeeded in his murder and was much more violent with it. It was a crime of passion! If the killer hadn't sent personal belongings from the other victims, I would have said it was someone who wanted revenge on her and made it look like the work of the Blackhood," Kevin explained.

-Aren't you saying this whole thing would be a plot to get rid of fake Grundy? Toni asked.

-It does seem a little big to me, says Betty.

-There may be another explanation... Sabrina whispered.

This time, the cat jumps from Kevin's knees to Sabrina's knees, who mechanically started stroking him.

-It's a little silly, but maybe the reason he took his time was because he knew no one would bother him.

-Because he attacked her at home? Asked Betty.

-Among other things. But also... It's really stupid but... It's Greendale. Let us say that the population has certain habits. Like not leaving the house after dark. Especially if you hear screams.

Toni laughs before answering:

-It's Greendale, not Los Angeles! What the hell are you gonna do if I drag you into my corner!

Sabrina looked at Toni with deep boredom and replied:

-I never said I was part of a superstitious population, on the contrary I loved walking at night! But I can tell you that I am a minority and even outside there are people who will hesitate. The city has traumas that night brings back.

-What kind of trauma?" Betty asked.

-Want to hear stories of heroes and monsters? This is far from our study topic....

-Oh no! No! I want to hear this story! Exclaimed Kevin with stars in his eyes. It's even better when it's based on real-life experience.

Kevin had always been fascinated by horror and gore, never missing an opportunity to expand his repertoire of history by the fire.

-I guess a break can't hurt, Betty yielded.

The cat jumped from Sabrina's knees to take refuge in the room, Sabrina looked at him worried but quickly recovered.

Sabrina smiled and began her story:

-The settlers would arrive in America...

-Seriously, how far do you have to start? Toni asked.

-It's just a summary to get you in the mood! So all his settlers are there to escape persecution and build a free and accepting land...It really took a hypocritical level of hypocrisy crazy enough to believe such shit. The local population is mistreated like women, pocs, other religions and everything else that comes out of their morals stuck puritanically to the impossible criteria. In this wonderful hell on earth that the trials of heretics begin, it seems, very ironic when you consider that most people have fled from these persecutions in Europe. The most famous of his trials is of course Salem and this despite who is not the most murderous, in fact he shines by his mediocrity! His popularity is probably related to his industry from the beginning turning murder, torture, rape and treason into entertainment for the whole family, go figure! Sabrina continued.

-Well, Confederate soldiers have statues, don't they? Not to mention dumb people like Christophe Colom, says Toni coldly.

-True, Toni, that's right. But good for us the rest of the story is more joyful: Greendale is not spared by this madness, the vast majority of non-Puritanical settlers had even been driven from the lands they had or they had settled by the most extremist leaving them without homes or resources and some poor souls are offered in sacrifice to their larvae addictive to the suffering of others. Hanging slowly, fighting to keep the air from their lungs, losing control of functions in front of their beaten child in front of their execution zones with religious leaders telling them to bow their heads and let the scapegoats be sacrificed for the good of others, Sabrina continued, filled with cold anger.

-Sabrina, don't bother to be so precise we just ate," moans Betty.

-Betty, you've been through worse, make fun of Kevin nicely.

Jughead attracts his girlfriend against him and Sabrina takes over:

-So many decided that they were because it was all women who were tired of shaving walls and just watched them suffer! They had to expect it badly and no consequence could be worse than what they were going through, to act. They will not flee, they will not hide and more importantly, they will no longer let people get hurt with impunity....

-One of your ancestors among them, Sabrina? Jughead asked curiously.

-Not impossible, Sabrina said with a little smile. So they broke into his so-called hunters, judges and other criminals who hide under titles. They would find them and their families: they would slit their throats, skin them alive and tear their hearts still beating from their chests! And to make the message clear, they will throw their carcasses to the same trees where their victims were murdered!

Betty looked at the storyteller in shock, so the way Sabrina told her story was disturbing. You could feel a kind of pride and respect in his words. And his expression! Betty thought she would rather have seen a psychotic smile than that kid's expression of a joke, laughing eyes and a candid smile!

-And with the bodies a note sticking on one of the bodies warning that it was not revenge, only a warning. If such horror were to happen again in Greendale or even in a nearby town or village, they would be happy to show that they had not yet seen anything! And it worked, the inhabitants of Greendale learned how to love and respect its slightly different inhabitants. Night and the forest have remained their domain and even nowadays, one can laugh at his stories, at night when the moon shines and one wonder if one waits for a cry in the distance, that sometimes perhaps just maybe, there is still one of his women who watches over the grain. And fine! Sabrina said, clapping her hands.

-Great story! I wish Riverdale had had something like that! Says Kevin with a big smile.

-Not bad, I admit that it's nice that oppressing them wins and not because of the power of love or some shit like that," Toni said.

-Not sure that people will build a museum to attract tourists with this history... Seeing children, violence is sometimes the solution, says Jughead more troubled.

-Are you saying they killed their families too? Asked Betty to horrify.

-Yes, Sabrina said as she realized the implications. -But they had done the same thing... and if it makes you feel better, as much they had peace after that, as much the women or at least the woman who organized everything had to pay for it to the leaders of her community more for overriding their permission than because they had problems with her methods. No problem has taken advantage of the benefits anyway I don't think anyone is learning anything new.

-Indeed, and it continues to this day! The minorities pay, suffer and fight while the rest benefit from advancing by posing as moral guardians," says Toni gloomily.

Jughead clumsily tapped Toni's shoulder but she seemed to appreciate the attention.

-So, your theory is that people if they heard something, they didn't do anything because of these stories? Says Betty, still trying to silence her illogical feelings by focusing on something else.

-I know it sounds stupid, but superstition is stupid by definition! Easy to say that it's bullshit in broad daylight with friends, it's a whole different story at night, alone when every shadow looks like a ghost. You don't care about people who believe in Bloody Mary but not enough to try the ritual just to prove to them that it's bullshit. My point is that maybe this guy was lucky or maybe he knew they had old monsters to use as a screen but in the end, he could kill her.

-So, we eliminate the theory that false Grundy was his only intended victim, but we add that he can come from Greendale or at least be familiar with the city? Asked Kevin.

Everyone nodded, and Kevin wrote their last notes.

-What's the result? Asked Jughead.

-Uh... male, white, in his forties, with a high probability of having green eyes, height and average weight according to the information we have, in good physical condition, knows how to shoot, knows the city of Riverdale and Grendales well, has access to private information, seems obsessed with the sins of the city which may indicate that he is religious in a way, concludes Kevin by always having a supportive eye towards Betty. -In other words, we don't have much.

-Bright green eyes are the rarest natural color in humans, only 2% of the population has eyes of this color, says Jughead.

-Ironic as a remark in a room with 3 people with green eyes, Kevin remarked, referring to himself, Betty and Sabrina, all of whom have eyes of this color. He could even have included Jughead so the look oscillating between green and blue.

Everyone stared at him for a moment Kevin who caught up:

-Hey, I'm not accusing anyone, it was just a remark that includes me too! You don't have to get paranoid.

-Yes, in addition, limiting oneself to only people with green eyes would be counterproductive. Archie was in shock, the Blackhood's eyes could be hazelnut or blue but seemed green because of the lighting, Jughead recalled.

-We should still prioritize them without kidnapping suspects because they have a different color," says Betty.

-Good idea," Jughead approved.

-Speaking of Archie, can either of you explain how the fact that his father got shot gives him the right to leave a neo-Nazi group? Said frustrated Toni.

The other four turned to Toni, shocked by his accusations.

-Toni, what are you talking about the red circle? Asked troubled Betty.

-Yes, I'm talking about these morons! Ready to attack the southside in the first movement! Toni continued.

-I didn't know that the neo-Nazis had become multicultural," says Sabrina coldly.

-Sorry? Toni asked.

-Apology accepter, Sabrina quickly said, taking advantage of Toni's poor choice of words. -But my point is that I don't understand why you call a multi-ethnic group without any iconography related to fascism or Nazism, Sabrina continued.

-And Archie is Jewish by his mother, feels obliged to specify Betty to defend Archie. Information that was greeted by a frustrated look from Tony and a satisfied look from Sabrina.

-They had hoods... Toni began.

And they were bare-chested, usually except for a bad case of Vertigo, people have the same color face and torso, the Sabrina cut.

-I was going to say that the KKK wears hoods too! Toni defended himself.

-Like many Islamic extremist groups or pussyriots, I don't see you accusing them of being one or the other, Sabrina continued.

-As soon as we could all agree that it looked like bad porn at first? Tempted awkwardly Kevin only reaping the fiery gaze of the two girls. Betty also tried to calm the situation down:

-This is the third time we've changed the subject, I think it's a sign that everyone is getting tired. We've made good progress, so why are we getting

-Sorry, but if it's to make the Southside serve as a scapegoat, then it'll be without me, Toni shouted before leaving the caravan.

-Toni, wait! Says Jughead as he goes to his suite leaving the other three alone.

Betty sighed with her head between her hands.

-Sorry," said Sabrina. -I shouldn't have corrected it.

-You didn't do anything wrong," Betty said flatly. -She needed to vent her anger one way or another, my sister is the same.

- Do you have a sister?

-Yes, Polly.

(And a brother somewhere she thought silently).

-Is it just Polly, Pollyanna or Appoly? Sabrina asked.

-Uh... Pollyanna, says Betty surprised by the question. -My mother likes the classics, Pollyanna after the novel of the same name and I am Elizabeth after Pride and Prejudice.

Kevin had a little laugh, from what he knew about Betty's mother, a novel about an indescribable optimist and another about the danger of preconceived ideas and misplaced pride seemed quite funny from Alice Cooper. Betty seemed to think the same thing because her expression seemed closer to a I know what you think than a hurt expression.

- Not everyone can have a name with a cool meaning, others like your servant are named after the top 10 popular names of 2003, complains Kevin. - What about you? Was he a fan of the movie with Audrey Hepburn? Asked Kevin.

-Maybe. But I think the important part was the A at the end," says Sabrina.

-The A? continued Kevin that Betty could see mentally taking notes.

-All the girls in my family for more than 400 years have a name that ends in A even if it means changing the spelling: Sabrina, Zelda, Hilda, Vesta, Esmeralda, Lydia, Priscilla, Evanora, Locasta Kezia, Sara and many more!

-I hope there are still some good ones left among them, Kevin continued.

-We'll see, you already must have a daughter on the way to do that! Retorqued Sabrina.

-I hope it's not too bad with Toni," says Betty as she leaves with Kevin.

-Yes, especially since Sabrina should have apologized to me. I had planned to make connections with her, replied this one.

-Did you want to hear from Joaquin? Asked Betty.

-I just wanted to know if he was okay," Kevin said hastily. -His life was not exactly easy and no matter what happened between us, I don't wish him any misfortune.

-I don't judge, on the contrary if you came back together, we could have double dates with our snake buddies, Betty tried.

-Yes, and we can visit them together in prison," says Kevin sarcastically. -Why don't you ask the question that burns your tongue?

-On Sabrina?

-On Luna Lovegood herself.

-So?

She's self-monitoring, I can confirm that, but she talks as much as I do and if she tries to be careful, she lets things slip. She comes from Greendale with her family who has been there for a long time, among the names of women she named some are obscure enough that if Spellman is her real name can find them. Plus, she was talking about doing a congregation and seems to have had a good education so probably was at school at one time or another. Hopefully, someone saw something.

-Won't it be too hard to get? Betty continued.

-My father is already contacting the Greendale police because of the black hood and I just need to ask the archives manager to send us information pretending it's for my father. Madge trusts me, I'm the gay son she never had," Kevin proudly said.

-Oh, my God, Kevin, you're awesome!

-I know but I can't promise you a result; too precise would risk attracting attention and it may be that it is really nothing. For all we know, she could be a bored mythomaniac or a kid who lives without contact with civilization because her parents are in a cult or something, Kevin reminded her. -And you will have to deal with his reaction and or the problems that will follow, Kevin reminded him.

-I will take responsibility for my actions, Betty promised.

-Toni, wait! Jughead shouted.

-What? Asked Toni frustrated but stopped anyway.

-I'm sorry about what just happened, but no one is our enemy!

-Our enemy? Asked intrigues Toni.

-I'm going to become a Southside Serpent, aren't I? And Betty defended the snakes and my father in the newspaper even though it made her threaten, Kevin made....

-Allows Joaquin to flee the city, Toni added.

-Do you know each other? Asked Jughead.

-There are exactly 3 LGBT Serpent of our age in and for all, we stick together.

-Joaquin, you...including Jughead

-I like guys but I like girls even more," smiles Toni. -And Fang is like me, but it stays between us.

-I promise! And for Archie....

-He is an idiot, and someone will end up hurting: turn into a martyr if it is someone from the north and if it is someone from the south, he will probably have run after it, concluded Toni.

-Yes, unfortunately. I intend to fix this. It's horrible what's his father’s but drowning a bunch of idiots in their own testosterone isn't going to help the situation. Neither is Sweet peas' plan.

-He is not the only one to have this point seen," said Toni gloomily. -But you can't do anything until you're an official member. I'll also have to talk to your roommate.

-Why?

Toni had a little amused smile

When they returned, they found Sabrina alone cleaning up. The cat eats with enthusiasm the little bit of staying behind.

-They left but Betty said you could do the text her, Sabrina quickly answered.

-I'll do it right away," replied Jughead, taking his phone and settling down on the sofa.

-It's all right Toni? continued Sabrina

-Not bad, don't even think of taking advantage of a moment of weakness for your cat to eat me," replied this one. -Besides, you and I must have a chat," she continued, taking Sabrina's wrist and dragging her into the room.

Sabrina stiffened under her fingers but did not try to resist, following her. Toni saw the cat watching her following her with her eyes...Stupid animal!

Toni closed the door and turned to Sabrina who had sat on the bed.

-Why this sudden desire for privacy, Antoinette? Asked the other coldly.

-Don't flatter yourself, Sabrinette," said Toni before taking a deep breath and choosing her words carefully:

-I need you to listen to me: Jughead is going to have to have an initiation to be a gang member. One of the challenges for this involves getting into his home. We won't touch you and nothing serious will happen, okay?

-For this one, said with a kind of amusing dry Sabrina. No problem! - No problem! Just let me know when I should take out my first aid kit.

- I never talked about that! Said Toni forcefully.

-So, none of the events can hurt Jughead? Sabrina asked with a big smile.

-Well... Toni began.

-That's what I thought," said Sabrina clinically. -Don't worry, I'm not judging and it's none of my business.

Toni should be happy to hear him say that, shouldn't she? Or maybe he replies that it is none of his business. But she can't do it. There was something wrong with this girl; something missing or at least had been damaged, leaving that feeling of cold and death that comes out of her. Sabrina's gaze passes over Toni in such a clinical way that she feels naked: an animal judging its prey before speaking:

-I like Jughead, he's a good person. I won't let anything happen to her, I promise, conclude this one with a smile. Then she reattached in force:

-Same, worse or better than for you?

-What?

-Your initiation? Is Jughead going to get the same one as you or is it going to be different? Sabrina continued.

Images of the snake dance reappeared in Toni's head with feelings of anger, shame and disgust. Dancing at the age of 14 in front of adult men, some of whom she considers to be family and others who had looked like a piece of meat, still haunting her today. So far from the stories of pure warriors of his grandfather protecting theirs. Again, one of the elders had told him what it was like before FP took the lead of the Serpent...

-I see...said Sabrina looking sade to the surprise Toni.

-What do you see? Toni asked dryly.

She looked embarrassed before she answered:

-Your expression... I’m sorry. It's not a good memory...

- Like when you come from? Because I don't know if you ran away from home because you wanted to live the life of a young adult novel character or if you're as fucked up as you say you are going to have to give something other than your word. Because believe me, I know what it's like to have no one and not be able to go to the cops...

Sabrina stiffened up but replied with a smile closer to the grimace:

- I gave you my hometown, didn't I? Doesn't that give me points for good conduct? And you want to take me out with the not so different after involving that I hide by boredom? Oh Antoinette, you know nothing about my situation and if you were me, you'd wish you were dead! So, you take care of Jughead and I'll be there if you ever need help to put the pieces back together again because if it were really safe, I wouldn't have the face of someone who would take him to the slaughterhouse, Sabrina continued, spitting out his venom.

-You crazy bit...started Tony who wasn't as to why she hadn't hit him yet.

(Because it would mean touching her) and Tony's gut told her that something horrible would happen if she did. The poisoning episode was probably not the worst.

-Not a you are wrong or it a lie? If you switched to insults, it's because I had a good argument.

Then seeming to find a semblance of calm:

-Everyone survives as best they can, I don't judge, I don't think I even have the right to judge others' choices anymore. I'm just asking you the same thing, okay? I want help to thank you for your help and I will leave at the slightest sign of disturbance on your part," she said, realizing that the violence of her reaction and extending her hand apologizes.

-Swear on what little I have left, Antoinette.

Toni, gave him a cold look and before saying:

-Don't you dare go out the room when we get back tomorrow, before turning his back on her and leaving the room.

#riverdale #chilling adventure of sabrina #chilling tales of sabrina #chilling riverdale #sabrina spellman #archie andrews #betty cooper #jughead jones #toni topaz #kevin keller #joaquin desantos #kevin x joaquin #fangs fogarty #bughead

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