#I wish I were half as cool as Ellen

[tommysparker]

one person asked me to share my thoughts on the Red White & Royal Blue movie and that’s all i need so here you go! spoilers below

Okay so let’s start with the things I did like:

Taylor and Nick had AMAZING chemistry. They did a fantastic job with what they were given and I can genuinely envision them as the book characters. All the cast did a great job.

The scene with Alex and Ellen was so heart touching. As a queer person who’s come out to their parent and not been accepted, I almost started bawling when I saw Ellen holding Alex on the couch and telling him how much she loves and accepts him. It was a beautiful thing to see and I’m so happy we have more of that kind of representation in media; a safe space to come out and be yourself. Also Ellen’s knowledge of all the different labels in the community and her saying “The B in LGBT isn’t silent” is super empowering.

On that note, Alex’s speech at the end about privacy and how it’s your choice to come out (if you want to come out). Again, a very important message for people to hear and understand. Seeing the effects of being outed hopefully will open people’s eyes and we’ll see less pressure for people to come out or label themselves. And also hopefully people will stop butting into celebs lives in general.

To end the short list of things I liked: the bit with the phone calls was done in a clever way. I thought it was pretty cool, although it felt too much like walmart Heartstopper.

Now, on to everything I didn’t like about this movie

The writing was SO. FREAKING. LAZY. 90% of the movie is exposition. All tell no show. They pretty much only payed attention to the sex scenes and even those weren’t very interesting.

THEY CUT SO MANY THINGS. When I heard they cut June and Rafael, I was disappointed but figured it was to save time and they’d combine their stories with Nora/Liam respectively (which is what I heard). To my absolute disappointment, neither was done and on top of that they introduced this new character named Miguel who is nothing more than a jealous ex hookup. Not only that, they erased Alex’s parent’s divorce and Henry’s mother, two very important parts of their character backstories.

Continuing on about things that were cut, pretty much any actual bonding time we see with Henry and Alex in the book was reduced to short one-minute scenes and cheap montages. Instead they were replaced with beats that were 15-seconds too long that were meant to say something but simply didn’t translate properly.

Also, they completely cut out Alex’s whole awakening and immediately jumped to him coming out to Henry when they meet up after their first kiss. I get it made for a cute little haha funny banter moment but COME ON. Part of Alex’s character arc is him coming to terms with who he is after denying it for so long, and seeing that process is so important to show for people who are doing the same.

The movie felt so fast paced. Every ten minutes a new important story beat happened without giving the audience any real time to process whatever happened before that. By the time they were in Paris I had no interest in them “making love” for the first time.

I’m gonna make an example of this before it stands out as the most annoying thing to me still. The museum scene is a masterpiece in the books but on the big screen it’s so…bad. Half of the scene was done in voiceover for no reason (once again going back to exposition) and the other half was so boring I could barely pay attention. And the “history, huh?” moment being a spoken thing between them, as opposed to through email like in the book’s completely erases the basis all of their supporters held onto in the books. All the signs, the t-shirts, the graffiti, the way they did it in the movie makes it so none of that could exist.

I really wish we saw Alex’s side of things when they got exposed, especially the way it effected his mother’s campaign. I wanted to see him he told he’s off the campaign and how badly it hurt him. Instead we got one scene of exposition and a single shot of him gushing abt Henry and saying he misses him.

From a cinematography perspective, there was some very pretty shots that were obviously made to turn into promo posters.

That’s pretty much all I got for now off the top of my head. I’ve been trying to cleanse my brain of the film for the past 4 hours lmao

If you have your own opinions, please share respectfully!! I want to hear what you liked or disliked about this.

#red white and royal blue

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty excellent day I thought I am pretty tired of my feet hurt. It was a long day it continues to be a long dive but it was good.

I didn't sleep great last night. I woke up and I was just very sad that it was time to go to the museum but I also love the museum. So it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

James drove us to the museum and stopped for breakfast. My coworkers at the market giggled at me because I said a Pop-Tart and my stomach hurt but I can eat McDonald's multiple times a week. Little do they know McDonald's also makes my stomach hurt.

And it was a really nice day. I took over for Ann at 8:30 I got my market stuff all set up and it wasn't my most profitable day but I was pretty close. Two little girls saved all their quarters this weeks they could use my discount machine and they both won a little commission piece. Which was so cute. And they sat down with me and we drew it together and it was super fun. And they were amazed that I could print it right there.

Two little boys who had made friends with last year had brought an entire box of change that they could buy something from me and so I just let them have two stickers for a dollar because you know it doesn't really matter. And they were so excited. The one little boy bought the one that is a stereotypical gamer because he likes swords and I don't think he got the joke because he was four but it was still funny. And I'm glad he liked it.

Again stickers sold great. While I was doing the commission for the two little girls another person came up and I wish I would have gotten more of a chance to talk to them but they bought one of my stickers and put it directly on their skateboard and I felt so cool that my work is now on their skateboard! They also bought one of my plushies. I love when people buy my plushies when they're adults. Makes me so happy.

Halfway through the morning Callie came in hung out with me. I was so excited to see her and we haven't been able to connect because we're both too busy so it was so nice that she was able to come and I gave her the souvenirs and she gave me our house keys that she still had. And I was able to introduce her to Helen because Helen is looking for someone to hire a staff at the market and Callie needs money so it ended up possibly working out really really well and then I'll get to see her more often and I love that. It would basically be doing the job that Ellen used to do and seems pretty simple all in all. So that's really really cool.

I did have a really really nice time out there and I got to meet a couple of the new vendors that weren't there last week and well it's hard for me to do my walk arounds because I don't like leaving my table alone it was still a really good time. We had hula hoops for the kids and coloring sheets and the music wasn't too bad today and everyone just seemed like they were in a great mood. I wasn't a great mood. And I had my friend there and that's always really fun for me.

When the market closed at 1:00 I packed everything up. Callie was still talking to Helen and I got everything in my boxes and then she helped me carry everything to the car. And then we went inside to say hello to James. She hadn't seen them yet and it was really nice. And then we went over to the print shop so that I could talk to Gordon about the prince that I was commissioned to do tonight. He did the poster and I'm doing the half sheets. And he was nice enough to stay with me until 3:00 while I made the prints.

But Kelly stayed for a little bit longer. We talked and walked around the museum. But eventually I had to get changed and get to work. So around 2:00 I had a few of thr strawberries I got at the market and went to go change my dress.

Originally I was wearing a yellow dress. I'm going to try to wear yellow every weekend for the market because I think that's funny. But I do not want to wear yellow dress while I'm printmaking. So I went and got changed into my nice sturdy black dress and then got to work setting up this chase.

I was a little nervous doing it in front of Gordon because he like literally did this job as a career. And he giggles at me when I'm lazy about stuff. But he was really helpful and he taught me a lot today. Specifically about how to measure fonts and the tools to use to do that and just a couple like little tips and tricks to make it easier. It still took about an hour to set the whole Chase but I'm really happy with it. I decided to do this funky thing where it's using repeating text in different fonts and I just think it looks great. I hope the couple likes it. They seem really eclectic and cool because the wedding is beautiful. It looks so good. I really love the curtains they put up but the flowers and everything look great. Excellent job.

Once I got the chase set and I made my first half of the commission I went to go find the wedding planner. She is very very pregnant. And she liked the print though she I think was confused at first and thought that I was asking her to pick a font. But then when she got it I think she liked it. And she said to hold off on doing the rest until the guests are here so they can watch and I think that is exactly what I wouldn't really do so that's perfectly fine with me. And then I told Angie I was going to go get something to eat.

I drove out to the shopping center and got a sandwich. I brought it back here and I sat on the water and ate. A nice German man came over asking where the stop is for the water taxi and while I wasn't positive I turned out knew exactly where it was because when I asked Angie later she told me exactly the same place that I told him. Lucky yes. I wish it was still at the museum but they moved it a while ago. It's on the other side of the general ship repair yard now. Which I don't think is as convenient but whatever.

after I finished eating I came back inside and I started pulling shapes and just playing around with the different text and pictures we have. I wanted to make one that was just like things I like. And then I made one that is just all jobs and things from Baltimore because I think that would be a really good handout for our free area. And I just think it's fun to show off all the shapes. We show off all the text all the time but we don't always show off pictures. So I thought that would be a lot of fun. And now it's about 6:00 in the wedding should be starting soon. And I'm going to go walk around and see what's happening. The couple did not have a first look so I'm curious what's happening over there.

James want to a baseball game. After kissing my face many many times and touching my face with their very cold hands. I started running out of space for all of my prints so I'm glad they told me I could stop. But I will have to start again soon.

Wish me luck everybody. I hope you all have a great night and you have a lot of fun doing whatever you're doing. I am going to my parents tomorrow. I'll probably get there before lunch time and then I'm spending the night so on Monday I can hang out with Jess. I hope it is just a wonderful way to spend my weekend. And my memorial day.

Good night everybody. Wash your hands!!

[scneuro]

I walked the rest of the way back to the dorms, my skin pronounced with prickle goosebumps. I imagined the solid, implacable sunlight that should replace the cloud cover tomorrow. I wished Mom would let Mable go. Mom had explained herself, and the contents of the email she had written to the admin of the school in Kettering that had accepted Mabel, and what had been clear to me is that for every part obsessed Mabel was about going, Mom was as obsessed with the inverse. 

The same arguments, Mom always weaved, about how much harder the A-levels were supposed to be and how difficult the transition was, how much Mabel would struggle socially after being out of school for most of the last two years with anxiety problems, and how she would have to pay so much more as an international student. The sum of what should be Mabel’s loan if she went was unfathomable to Mom. She wished Mabel would focus on getting into an Ivy League instead, ideally one of the ones that covered full financial aid. She probably wanted Mabel to go to Harvard so that they would be close by.

I slid the key into the lock on the suite door and twisted, opening the door, but the keyhole refused to let go of the key. My new suitemate, Soo-young, who just went by Soo, was sitting in the common room reading. 

“Hi.” I made brief eye-contact and smiled while trying to pull the key out. I attempted to align the key perfectly vertical, and it still did not let go. 

“Hi, Ellen. Here, let me help,” Soo said. 

I went to the door and let go, only for Soo to rotate the key to make it horizontal, and it slid out. I forgot that the neutral position of the keyhole was horizontal. 

“Here.” Soo gave me the key and went back to her chair. “How’s your day been going?”

I stood in front of the door. “Good. Still getting used to the new place, but I like it.”

“Yeah, it’s way better than our old building. The linoleum always looked dirty.” 

I smiled. “I don’t miss that.”

“Dude, I am so exhausted with all the moving.”

“Same. I had to get out just to cool down a bit.” 

“What are your dinner plans?”

“I was planning to use the little kitchenette to make something but I don’t know if I have the energy to go to the store anymore. I wish I could go to sleep right now but all my bedding is in the dryer.”

“What is the laundry room like? Are the machines any good?”

“Pretty antiquated compared to the ones in the old dorm. The buttons are all different and I wasted half the credit on my Terrier Card trying to get the machine started.”

“That sucks. I was planning to go eat out because I can’t be bothered making dinner either. You could join if you want.”

“Thanks for the offer, Soo, but to be honest, I am a little bit broke right now. I was probably going to wait on the food stipend from the tour guide job to come through before getting food.”

“Don’t worry, it’s on me.”

#22

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show and @maxattack-powell!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

Hello all!  Welcome back to the MFackenthal Show!  I am so glad that you are here today.  If you’re new to the show, I encourage you to go here to find past episodes.  There are only a few.

The MFackenthal Show has officially been green lit for more episodes!  We used to only be able to afford to run the show every once in a while, but the people have spoken - they want to see the show more often!  The funding came through and we hope to give the people what they want!  Do you want to be on the show?  Do you have someone that you want to see on the show?  If so - reblog or comment or send a message to let MFackenthal know!  We’ll see what we can do!  We have this show and two others lined up for you!

I could not be more excited to bring you this next guest.  She has been with the fandom for quite a while.  She was one of the first people I started communicating with on a regular basis.  She has talked me up, supported me from the beginning and though she hasn’t written much lately - when she does drop a chapter - it’s long and it’s worth it!  Please welcome to the stage @maxattack-powell!!!!!  (Insert Cheering here!)

(Megs greets Max with a hug - which means that Megs essentially runs and leaps into Max’s arms.  Max is fairly tall and Megs is barely 5′3″) 

Megs:  Max, I am so happy that you are here!  Can you believe that you’re here today?

Max:  Haha, yes - I can.  But I am honored to be here.

Megs:  Max, sit with me.  For those in the audience who may not know you, tell us about when and why you joined the fandom.

Max: Yanno, I always made my best guess at this before, but I knew you were going to ask me this - so I looked it up.  Did you know that now there’s this Official Tumblr blog called @memories, and it knows down to the minute when someone joined? Let me go check it… *digs through the blogs posts* Okay, it was apparently 07/31/2017 at 1:17:15 PM, which means it must have been on the weekend because of the time of day haha.

As for why ... hmm, well… I found the Choices app one day, when it only had like… three series I think! Anyone else remember that time? 

Megs:  I do!  Because I was playing Hollywood University I think I downloaded choices the day the app came out.

Max: Awh!  Well, I fell in love with The Freshman Series. Mostly because of Chris Powell and Zack Zilberg, and a long time ago I was in another fandom that had tons of fan fiction/art… so I googled “Choices Chris Powell” and any other combination I could think of looking for possible fanfiction. The fandom was almost non existent at the time. There was actually one person, who has long since left the fandom due to fandom dramas - we all know the kinds I’m talking about - but a few others had started posting their works as well… and I got hooked. Eventually I felt the bug to write how I felt TF should play out as well, and here I am *looks back at the “joined tumblr timestamp”* uhh… 20ish months ago!  Haha!!

Megs:  LOL, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like that long ago ... lets call a spade a spade - that was almost 2 years ago!  That’s amazing!  You have to have seen so much in this fandom!  What is it that keeps you around?

Max: There are so many awesome people in this fandom, in this world we’ve all created for our pixelated loves lol. Soooo many creative minds to follow and enjoy. The content people share, original or repost… it’s great. 

... Unfortunately it is also a double edge sword ... the drama, the jealousy, the rumors, the hate, etc. I’ve sadly seen far too much and it comes in so many forms… it’s unnecessary.

Megs:  I couldn’t agree more!  If you could tell the fandom one thing - what would it be?

Max: It would be that we’re all here because we want to have a good time. No one came here to get ridiculed, to be scrutinized or chastised for their opinions, their likes or dislikes. Real life has enough of that going on. We are all individuals - if you want to be treated nicely, fairly, etc. you must also do the same to others. There is no reason someone must agree with you or anyone else. Live and let live. Embrace our differences as it makes us who we are. Most of the issues I see stem from a simple difference in opinion. That is ridiculous. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts. We must build each other up, not tear one another down. No one here owes anyone anything, now go have some fun.

(The room stands up in applause!)

Megs:  You should definitely stand up and take a bow, Max! 

(Max does just as Megs suggests - but she also makes Megs stand up and do the same. Laughing, they both sit back down.)

Awh, Max ... okay, let’s get back to you.  We know that you’d fight anyone for the position of The Chris Powell Appreciation/Fan Club.  And for those who don’t know, Max has been retelling the full The Freshman series, interweaving dialogue and plot from PB but also adding much of her own content.  MC and Chris get a backstory.  Chris gets best friends from back home.  What is your favorite piece that you have written?

Max: Oh geez hahaha. Um… can I just say The Freshman Chronicles as a whole? I’ve written for different fandoms, and I have original WIPs but I’ll stick to the Choices fandom for this answer. I’ve put a lot of time into TFC. Tons of additional story work, research on characters and their backgrounds, PBs and my own OCs. You should see my file folder setup haha. It’s crazy… I have so many docs, pictures and gifs. Most organized by location (Hartfeld, Boston, New Haven, Cherryfield, etc.), then by character… and on some I get more detailed and split them by emotion and situation.

Megs: By what again?

Max:  Emotion and Situation ... Yeah. I warned you it was crazy! *laughs* TFC was the reason I joined tumblr really. Instead of staying a Nonny and only reading others posted works. I wanted to comment, like and reblog what I enjoyed, while I also worked on my own contribution to the fandom. I had a vision for Chris and MC that had more than the game could give, and I wanted to see if i was still any good at writing since it had been years and years… it’s funny to see how different my current posts are from my first over a year ago. Makes me want to go update a few because they could use a little help *awkward laugh*

Megs:  I’m sure we can all relate to that!  Hmmm ... I’m starting to get a feel for this, I think, but what is your writing process?

Max:  Lots of planning, mostly in my head. When I feel like I have a decent concept I might type out some notes or work it into my outline (another crazy thing I have going for TFC because it’s so big haha). But usually, once I hatch out a basic plan on where I’m going… I just start typing. Keeping the general plot and main points I want to hit in mind, I simply start typing… keeping it as organic as possible. It usually works out well. 

Megs:  Do you have any advice for other writers?

Max: First, and most importantly… do it because you enjoy it. Don’t do it for likes, reblogs, popularity, etc. If you’re having a good time dreaming things up and typing them out, that’s what’s important. The rest is just an extra bonus. Also, don’t give up. It’s easy to become discouraged, frustrated, distracted and more… but remember - your creative cells can’t be running all the time. They need to rest just like your body. Take breaks… go read, play games, hang out with friends/family, watch a movie… whatever. Just do something to help you relax, to reset and you’ll very probably find inspiration and/or motivation to continue. Remember, this is for fun. *wink and finger guns*

Megs: So what do you do for fun?

Max: I actually have a few things I do regularly. A big one is making costumes/props for conventions, small productions, etc. I also train and show horses. I do the same with my dogs, but more for competitions and not really any shows. I’ve always drawn, sculpted, painted since I was old enough to hold things with my hands… and about a year ago I started learning how to do it digitally as well. I run (not at all for fun haha) and play hockey (totally for fun), follow comics and watch anime. I've restored houses, cars and old furniture. I like to read as much as I can - that’s an important one. I also play video games. Something I’ve done since I was young… I've even competed, and won, a few gaming tournaments.

Megs:  You don’t know how to be bored do you?

Max: LOL, Megs.  Yeah, um, so there’s a “few” *makes air quotes* of my never ending list of interests haha. Gives me a lot to talk about with people, eh?

Megs: Not that I can understand how you’d have time for this ... but what do you do to help pay for your many activities?

Max:  Oh like, my job? Well that can be a simple answer… like “I work in software” but the more interesting way to say it is I use my MBA, experience in business, the financial industry and technology to improve and stabilize my customers environment through technological solutions that fit their specific needs. *presses lips together* I solve problems by designing solutions. Bored yet? Hahaha.

Megs:  No!  That sounds wonderful!  Who doesn’t want their stuff to be designed better?  Any chance you could start working for tumblr?  Some of us have a few complaints ... tags ... mobile losing our work ...

Max:  I’m not sure they could pay me enough to help them with all of their problems!  But, tumblr, feel free to send me an offer!

Megs:  Seriously - send her a 6 figure offer!

Max:  Okay, Megs, well now I have a question for you.

Megs: Uhhhh, Max, that’s not exactly how this is supposed to go. 

Max:  Yeah, don’t care.  Your fans need to know ... Hoooow do you find the time to read and review so much?! And I know that’s just in this fandom.  I know you read books and you may read for other fandoms!?  Seriously, it’s awesome. We need to clock your page flipping speed haha.

Megs:  *blushes* Oh my gosh, you have to stop!  Here’s the key to how I do it ... I wake up at 5:30am and read for about 30 minutes.  Then I workout and start my day.  I read in line at the grocery stores.  I read on my breaks at work. 

Max:  Oh my gosh - you’re such a nerd and I love that!  Okay, nerd, what is your favorite thing to do, besides reading all the things of course?

Megs: This show, of course!  And, of course, getting people to do silly things on this show with me.  For instance - with as athletic as you are, I hear you can’t jump? 

Max:  Megs, shhhhh.  You told me you weren’t going to bring that up.

Megs:  I did no such thing! (Meg says while laughing) I said I might not bring it up.

Max:  Uh huh.

(Kris Kross’s “Jump” starts playing in the studio)

Megs:  Come on - show me what you’ve got! 

(Megs starts “singing” along and jumping along with the song. Max stays seated.  Megs finally pulls Max up into a standing position. Max plays along and “jumps” next to Megs - getting no air at all.)

Oh, come on Max - put some real strength in to it.  Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Max jumps and gets the smallest amount of air time.)

Max:  *laughing* Megs - I’m tall!  I don’t need to jump to reach things!

Megs:  *laughing* That must be nice.  I got good at this type of jumping because I had to learn to jump up and gently grab things from the grocery so I didn’t knock everything down.

*continuing to jump around the audience - getting everyone to join her* And that’s all for the show today today, folks!  Thank you for watching!!  Have a great night!

#The Mfackenthal Show #With @maxattack-powell #Official show number 3 #But the 4th interview #Ellen has nothing on me #Oh who are we kidding #I wish I were half as cool as Ellen #She gets paid to do this #I do this for free #But I love it!

[thebluesideofmyworld]

A Good Guy - A Solangelo One-Shot

Summary: Will might be a lot of things. And among those things, Will would dare to say that he’s a good guy. But when it came to Nico di Angelo, would he ever be good enough, though?

Word count: 3900 words || Rating: Teenage and Up Audiences || Read on AO3

Notes:

1. Based on the song "good guys" by LANY 2. My contribution for @after-everything-pjo-zine project. Check out other fics (each fic is accompanied by great fanart so you just HAVE to check it out) in the zine here.

***

Will might be a lot of things. And among those things, Will would dare to say that he’s a good guy. And he would proudly say that it’s because his family raised him to be one. His Mama made sure that he never forgot to say please, sorry and thank you, and his grandma taught him to respect people. Even though Apollo wasn’t around to be an ideal father as Will was growing up in Tennessee, his grandpa showed him how to be a Southern gentleman.

So yeah, he might come across as a young man who with a sassy attitude. But heck, Will knew that he was a good guy. And he’s proud of that.

But here’s the thing. Here’s a thing about being a good guy. Being a good guy might sound like it’s a good thing to do. But being a good guy also sometimes meant that you’re almost as invisible as a wallflower. Because even though you’re good, there were always be better guys. And one thing that Will learned about being a good guy? Good guys never win.

***

“It’s been almost two weeks, you know,” Will said as he kept his eyes at the monthly medical report that he (pretended) to be reading.

“Two weeks since what?” Kayla asked, but didn't bother to pretend that she's actually interested.

“Since Nico went for that quest, remember? Something about Persephone’s parrot or something?” Will said, still trying to keep his eyes at the notes. Because he knew that Kayla might still see the worry in Will’s eyes. (Sometimes it’s almost scary, how his siblings knew him too well).

“Oh? Really? Has it been two weeks yet?”

“Almost,” Will said, decided to leave the detail that it’s actually has been 11 days and since Nico had left the camp early in the morning and now it was almost dinner, it’s been almost twelve freaking days since Nico left the camp for that stupid quest.

“I mean, of course, it might be nothing but well, I thought it was supposed to be a short, simple quest?” Will continued. “Usually if it’s just this small quest, it never took him this long before. Usually it would just be like, three days, five, at the most, and like, a week if he took a detour to impulsively do something unnecessary, but never this long.”

Will lifted his head and turned to look at Kayla, who didn’t seem to share the same worry as Will. Her eyes were still fixed on the glossy pictures of the magazine that she was looking at. A non-committal hum coming from her was the only sign that she was (kind of) listening.

Will tried to focus on the lines of writing in front of him, but the letters were all jumbled and he couldn’t make himself try to read anything. His mind was too busy thinking about different reasons and scenarios of why Nico wasn’t back yet from the quest.

“Do you think I should ask Chiron about it? Probably he’s heard from Nico, y’know. Like, maybe something came up and I don’t know, maybe Chiron knew or maybe even Rachel got a vision or something, or-“

“Or you could have just contacted me, Solace. Pretty sure that it doesn't hurt to try IM me”

Will stood up and spun to face the direction where the voice was coming from. He did it so fast, he got dizzy because of it. It took him two seconds before his eyes could fully focus on Nico di Angelo, who was staring at him. His face looked nonchalant, but his eyes glinted with amusement.

“Uh, hey,” Will greeted, gripping the desk as he suddenly needed to get a hold of himself. “You’re back.”

Nico gave him a single nod, brushing away some strands of hair from covering his eyes. “Yep. I just got back.” He shrugged his shoulders before continuing. “Thought I’d drop by here before I report to Chiron.”

Will tightened his grip on the desk, trying his best to hold himself from closing the distance between him and Nico just to pull Nico into his arms.

“And uh… What brings you here?”

The emotional part of him wished that he was the reason why Nico came straight to the infirmary after the quest. But the rational part of him shushed him. That damned rational part of him told him that hey, it was him who wanted to see Nico, not the other way around.

Nico kept his eyes at Will and there was something in those dark eyes that Will couldn’t really put his fingers on.

“I thought you wanted me to have a check-up every time I got back from a quest?”

Of course.

Will tried to ease the dull pain in his heart by giving Nico a small smile. “Yeah. Of course. Need to make sure that you won’t fade into the shadows again, huh?” Will let out a nervous chuckle. “I mean, I am your doctor, and a doctor only wants the best for his patients.”

This time Nico stayed silent as he nodded. Will gestured to a nearby cot with his chin.

“Now, if you could just sit down over there, please?”

Still saying nothing, Nico strode to the cot and quickly sat there. Will took a deep breath, mentally telling himself to be professional, and let it out in a long exhale. He made his way to where Nico was waiting for him.

The check-up was a regular one. And there was nothing new about how touching Nico made stupid butterflies do some stupid dancing in his stomach. He ached to ask Nico questions about what happened in the quest and why it took so long. He wanted to know whether Nico ever thought of him while he was on the quest the way Will kept on thinking about him while he was away. He wanted to listen to Nico talk to him, with that slight accent that made his voice so melodious, almost like he was singing.

But it would only scare Nico away.

So he kept his eyes at the board where he jotted down the notes about Nico’s vitals.

“So, uhm… This quest was a bit longer than usual, huh?” Will asked, almost proud of himself that his voice sounded normal.

Nico hummed as he put his jacket back on. “Yeah, we had an unexpected encounter with some empousai. Luckily, David is unexpectedly good at fighting.”

At the mention of the name, Will lifted his head up. “David? You mean the new camper? That Athena kid?”

Nico nodded. “Yeah. For someone who never held a sword before, I have to say that I’m impressed.”

A strange, nauseating heat flared inside Will’s stomach. “Really?”

“Yup. In fact, I promised to give him an extra lesson in sword-fighting tomorrow.”

That strange heat swirled even more inside Will. He stretched his lips into a lame attempt to smile at Nico.

“Oh,” Will said. “Nice.”

“In one way, he strangely reminded me of Percy, you know? The way he held his sword.” And Nico continued talking for a while about that stupid new guy. Will listened, humming every now and then just to show Nico that he’s listening.

Half of his mind wished that the harpies would find that David kid to be a nice target for their dinner. The other half of his mind scowled at him for having that kind of evil wish.

“Okay. Everything looks good. Just make sure that you drink enough water,” Will said as he wrote the date and signed his name on the bottom part of the report.

“So I can go now?”

Will nodded. “Yeah, you’re free to go now,” he answered as he walked back to his desk to put the record in the folder.

“And you’re not even offering to walk me back to my Cabin like a good Southern gentleman?”

Will spun on his heel quickly. He stared at Nico with wide eyes, thinking that he might have been hallucinating.

“What?”

Nico snorted and slid down from the cot. “Never mind. I need to report to Chiron first anyway.”

Will blinked, and it took him a full two seconds before he had his voice again.

“Nico-“

But Nico was already one step away from the door. He stopped and looked at Will over his shoulder. The left tip of his lips curled up, just slightly, forming a ghost of a smile. He gave a two-finger salute to Will.

“I’ll see you around, Solace.”

Not waiting for Will to answer him, Nico stepped away. And just like that, he’s out of sight.

Will stared at the open door. There is this hollowness inside his heart that he couldn't explain. Like he just missed a chance.

He always thought that he’s a good guy. Or at least, he’s trying to.

But would he ever be good enough, though?

***

“What are you doing here?”

Lou Ellen’s voice startled Will.

“Me? Uh…” Will scrambled to pick up the book that he just dropped and showed it to Lou, like he was trying to prove something. “I was reading!”

Lou Ellen stared at him with a glint of amusement in her eyes as she gave Will the Look. The ‘don’t-give-me-bullshit’ Look.

“What, am I not allowed to read in peace?” Will said, a bit defensively.

“Hey, it’s cool dude,” Lou said. “In fact, it was nice to see you somewhere else aside from the infirmary,” she added.

Will relaxed a bit, going back to lean his back on the tree.

“I can see why you choose this spot. It’s much quieter than the infirmary on your busy days,” Lou said.

Will hummed.  His eyes flickered to the far left, to the clearing a few yards away, just for a split second before he opened his book.

“And the view from here is also… decent.”

Lou Ellen’s tone made Will quickly look up again at the daughter of Hecate. She’s now grinning at him, like she just figured something out.

“How long have you been spying on those two?” Lou asked, gesturing with her chin to two demigods in the clearing who seemed to just finished sparring.

Will gaped at her. He blinked and quickly shook his head. “What? No! I’ve told you, I was reading here!”

But Lou Ellen didn’t seem to care about Will’s reaction as she waved at the demigods in the clearing.

“Hey, Nico! David!”

Will’s eyes widened in horror this time as he turned his head around, only to see that Nico and the new Athena kid walked towards them.

“Lou!” he hissed in annoyance.

Lou Ellen just gave him a teasing smirk. “What?”

Will groaned and quickly stood up, his book abandoned on the grass as he unconsciously ran a hand over his wild locks.

“Hey,” Nico greeted. “What’s up?”

Nothing’s up aside from his heartbeat, Will would like to answer. But of course, he kept it to himself as he tried his best to school his face into a relaxed, nonchalant, I’m-just-chilling-here expression.

“Nothing much,” Lou Ellen shrugged her shoulders. “You two are sparring together here? Why? Is the arena too mainstream for you?”

The new Athena kid gave a half-smile as he brushed off some hair from covering his eyes. “It was my request, actually,” he said. “I just want to have a...” he waved his right in a vague circular motion, like trying to find the exact word to say. “A more… realistic view when fighting a monster?”

That didn’t really make sense to Will. But it seemed to be an acceptable reason for Lou Ellen as she nodded at him.

“And has Nico been a good teacher for you?” Lou Ellen asked.

Will didn’t miss the way Lou gave him a quick glance.

David’s half-smile turned into a full one. “He is!” He turned his head to Nico and smiled at him, like he was pleased at Nico. “Thanks for teaching me, Nico. You are very good at sword-fighting.”

Nico returned David’s smile with one of his small smiles. A smile that could have filled Will’s chest with warm air. But since he’s not at the receiving end of that smile, it turned Will’s chest into lead instead.

“Anytime. It was a pleasure.”

“You will teach me more, yes? And ah… We also need to talk more. About football.”

This was the first time for Will to really listen to David talking, and he couldn’t help but notice how David’s voice had quite an accent. Especially when he pronounced football, the way he stretched some syllables.

Nico’s face lit up. “Yeah! We should! I know that Cecil played football! Right?” His eyes darted from Will to Lou Ellen, like asking for confirmation.

“Cecil? He does. I can take you to talk to him. Come on,” Lou Ellen quickly pulled the sleeve of David’s shirt and led him away from the other two demigods.

Will watched the backs of Lou Ellen and David who were walking away from them. He could feel nervousness starting to creep in on him as their voices slowly faded away, as he realized that he’s now alone with Nico.

Not that he hated to be with Nico. It’s just… this wasn’t his plan. He wasn’t prepared. And Will hated it when things didn’t go as he planned. He hated it when he was unprepared.

“David played football,” Nico said just when David and Lou Ellen disappeared from their sight.

Will angled his neck to look at Nico. “And when you said football, did you mean soccer?”

“I mean football,” Nico answered, turning on his heels a little so now he was facing Will. “The real football.”

Will snorted and slid down to sit on the grass. “They’re the same,” he said, leaning his back on the tree.

Nico followed Will, sitting on the grass. “It will always be football for me,” he said. There was a melancholic tone lacing his voice. And it made Will wonder, maybe it’s something that Nico used to play. In the streets in Venice, when he was just a kid who had no idea that Greek gods and goddesses were real.

“We, David and I, we were talking about playing here. I mean, it would be great, you know? David said he played midfield. I’m usually,” Nico paused, but quickly continued. “I mean, I used to play as a striker. If we can connect well, that would be really cool.”

Will closed his eyes while his stomach churned with a strange, unpleasant feeling. So, not only was this David kid good in sword-fighting, he’s good in soccer too?

“Do you play too? I mean, you can be the goal keeper. I guess you would be great. I mean, you’re tall and it would be a great asset for a goalkeeper.”

Will huffed. Stuck between the goalposts while watching Nico and David scoring goals? Yeah. No, thank you.

“We’ll see about that,” Will said, still with his eyes closed.

For a while, none of them said anything. Will opened his eyes when he heard Nico sighed. He turned his head, watching Nico stand up. Nico brushed his pants, and gave Will a small smile.

“I’ll see you around, Solace.”

Will wondered why that smile looked a bit strained, but returned it anyway. “Yeah. I’ll see you around.”

He watched as Nico walked away.

Someone would be a good guy for Nico, he thought. And even though Will was a good guy, maybe he just wasn’t good enough. So of course, someone would be a good guy for Nico. Someone else. Not Will.

***

Will didn’t even know why he was here, standing awkwardly near the table where the food and drinks were.

Oh, yes. Because Cecil and Lou Ellen practically dragged him here, to this stupid Halloween party organized by the Aphrodite Cabin.

It’s not that Will disliked Halloween. And it wasn’t like he hated Halloween parties either. What he didn’t like, was seeing Nico talking with David at the other corner of the room. Just looking at the sight made a strange, nauseating fire flame inside of him.

“Pining over di Angelo again?” Lou Ellen nudged him on his shoulder.

“Yeah. How long are you going to act like this Will? Playing it cool while we all know how you wish you’re the one talking to di Angelo instead of David?” Cecil joined Lou Ellen in interrogating Will.

Will only rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about,” he mumbled, and took another sip of Coke from his cup. He tried to watch the campers who were dancing in the middle of the floor. Some kids from the Hermes cabin somehow got a hold of speakers. And of course, with a little help from the Hephaestus kids, the party had a cool sound system that was now playing pop music.

Lou Ellen sighed. Will stole another glance at where Nico was standing. David was leaning a little to whisper something at Nico. The proximity between those two made it a little bit harder for Will to breathe. He wondered what it was that David was telling Nico. But then Nico turned his head to Will. And no matter how cliché it might sound, Will’s heart skipped a beat when their eyes met. Will quickly looked down to the floor.

Next to him, Lou Ellen clicked her tongue.

“You know what? I can’t take this anymore. It’s been MONTHS. This has got to end tonight,” she said. Ignoring Will’s protest, she grabbed Will’s wrist and pulled him along with her, walking towards Nico and David.

A few seconds later, Will was standing with a flustered face in front of Nico and David.

“Hey, Nico, David! You guys enjoying the party?”

David gave that half-smile again. “Ah, yes. The party is nice.” He angled his neck just a bit so now he was looking right at Will. The half-smile subtly transformed into a knowing smirk. “And you? You… You are the healer, yes? Will?”

Will forced himself to smile politely at David. “Yeah. That’s me.”

David gave a single nod. “Nico talked a lot about you. A lot of good things.”

Will blinked. His eyes darted to Nico, but the raven-haired boy looked away from him. Still, his cheeks were a dark shade of red.

“Is that Cecil over there? I think I want to talk to him,” David suddenly said as he pointed at Cecil with his chin. “Lou Ellen? Come with me?”

Lou Ellen grinned as she nodded and made a 90-degree turn on her heels. “Yeah, come on, David. Let's leave these two idiots.”

And just like that, they left Will again, standing awkwardly less than two feet away from Nico.

“Uh… I didn’t expect to see you here,” Will said.

Nico turned his head at Will, an eyebrow slightly raised up. “Oh? I thought you were the one saying that I need to work on my social skill.”

Will gave Nico a small smile. “Yeah. So. Good to see you here, then. I mean, for your social skills and all.”

Nico stared at Will. And there was just something behind those dark eyes. Something that Will couldn’t put into words. Something that made him unable to look away.

“Aren’t you going to ask me to dance, Solace?”

The question got Will off-guard. Of all the questions in the world, it’s probably the most unexpected one.

“Huh?”

Nico held his eyes at Will’s for another second, but then he looked away. “Never mind,” he said, half-mumbling. His cheeks blushed again into dark cherry color.

“But… do you want to, though?”

Nico’s head turned back to Will. “Want to do what?”

“Dance? Do you…want to?”

Nico bit his lower lip and he looked down for a second. When he looked up back at Will, his charcoal eyes were soft.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On who’s asking me to.”

Will’s heart started to jump around in his chest.

“What if it’s me asking you?”

The eyes that were staring back at him were now smiling.

“Then I guess, it depends on the song, then.”

Will’s heart was probably doing some crazy somersaults right now, but his lips curled up without him even thinking about it.

“Well, it’s my favorite song that they’re playing right now. I hope it suits you?” he asked, carefully offering his hand.

Nico’s smile was as soft as the look in his eyes. And the moment their fingertips touched, Will’s heart soared high and suddenly his chest was filled with warm, light air.

As Will led Nico to the floor, he thought about how long he has been wanting to do this, to hold Nico’s hand in his.

They swayed along with the music. Nico’s left hand felt perfect in his right hand. Will’s left hand rested on Nico’s hip and Will couldn’t care less about the other people dancing around them.

“Your dancing is better than your singing,” Nico said, a playful smile on his lips.

Will chuckled. “My grandma said a real Southern gentleman must know how to dance. And I remember my Mama dancing with me when I was a kid.”

“Your Mam raised you well, I have to say.”

Will hummed. “I’m a good mama’s boy, I can promise you that.”

“I can see that, Will. Everyone can see that.”

“See what?”

“That you’re a good guy.”

This time Will held his eyes at Nico. “I try to be,” he said. “But… Would I ever be good enough for you?”

Nico huffed. “And you said I was the dense one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Nico stopped, but his feet kept on moving. He sighed. “Gods, do I really have to spell it out to you?” He asked, sounding exasperated as he looked away from Will.

Hope bloomed inside of Will and he grinned and oh, how he wanted to shout and laugh. He took his hand off Nico’s hip so he could gently cup Nico’s cheek, guiding him to face him back.

“Do you mean you like me?” Will asked.

“Well, do you like me?”

Will chuckled and he could feel a stupid smile creeping in. “Why do you even have to ask?”

Nico shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Because you’re nice to me but you’re also nice to everyone? Because you don’t seem to care even if I talk about someone else? Because you…” Nico stopped again and shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe because I just…don’t know?”

Will squeezed Nico’s hand just a bit tighter. “I was just… I was just afraid that I’m not good enough for you.”

Nico rolled his eyes. But his lips twitched, like he tried to hold back a smile.

“You’re a good guy, Will. You’re a good guy to everyone. But sometimes I hope that you can be my good guy.”

It’s like a thousand birds were singing inside of Will now as he felt like he was floating in this bubble of happiness.

“Then I’ll be yours, Death Boy.”

Will wrapped his arms around Nico, and pulled him into his embrace.

“I’ll be your good guy, then. I’ll be your everything.”

Nico pulled himself a little away from Will. He looked up at Will and the light in his eyes was like the most beautiful star in a dark night.

“Everything?”

“Everything. Anything you need.”

***

Additional Author's Notes: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :). Reblogs, replies or any other feedbacks are much appreciated. Also please don't forget to check out the zine!!!

#solangelo #solangelo one shot #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo fanfic #solangelo fic

[chasingpj]

𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝

"You only want to stay because of your little boyfriend. Is he more important to you than us?“

pairing: percy jackson x child of hecate!reader

words: 5,297

warnings: angsty, mentions of breaking down

timeline: post sea of monsters

if you want to be tagged every time I update this story click here

a/n: i'm so fried after editing this, if i missed any typos, i'm sorry. as always, let me know what you think! i love getting feedback from you guys!

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Your siblings sit in a half-circle at the back of the Hermes Cabin, ready for their lesson. James lays out the materials you’ll need for the potion he was demonstrating today: the mortar and pestle, herbs, spell books. He has almost everything except for the sand, which was the most crucial ingredient. So, he had sent you to retrieve some from the dunes since you were the only one who didn’t need the lesson Ernest was teaching.

Ernest stands in front of Sage, Alice, Lou Ellen, and Atticus, lecturing on the properties of sand. Your siblings listen attentively, taking notes in their notebooks, all of them but one. Ernest looks up from reading a part of his book of shadows, noticing Atticus is distracted by his familiar.

"Atticus, are you listening?" Ernest asks, raising his eyebrow as he closes his book. Atticus cradles Harvey in his arms as if he is a newborn baby, his finger scratching his tummy as the animal curls up towards his chest. He doesn’t notice the other staring at him for a few seconds, looking up after realizing he had stopped talking.

"Me? Yeah, dude. I'm listening," Atticus bluffs, and Ernest squints, leaning back on the desk behind him.

"So what did I just say?"

"Atticus, are you listening?" Atticus repeats, smiling as his sisters giggle beside him. The corner of Ernest’s mouth tugs into a slight smirk as he rolls his eyes.

"What did I say before that?" He clarifies. Atticus sways in his place, continuing to soothe his tired familiar, and he hums, trying to recall what they were discussing. He’s quiet for a while before grunting. He really wasn't listening, too distracted by his surroundings to focus. Ernest pretty much lost him at “alright guys, today…” However, he remembers you volunteering to get sand after James realized he forgot to get some himself.

"Ehm… I don't know. Something about sand?"

Ernest sighs, "Yes, I was talking about sand. Can anyone catch Atticus up on the properties for sand?"

"Different sands have various spiritual properties, but the lake sand that you're using today can be used in spells for self-reflection and grounding," Travis chimes in all of a sudden. He's laid down in his bed, holding a comic book over his head as he looks at the group.

James turns away from the materials, amused that the other has probably been listening this entire time. It was the middle of the day, so the Hermes cabin was pretty empty since everyone was out doing their own thing. The only other people in the cabin were the Stoll brothers and a handful of their siblings. James chuckles,

"Travis, you want to be a witch too?" He jokes, and Travis shrugs,

"I practically am already. I'm always listening to your lessons," he admits amused, returning his attention to the comic book he was reading.

"Everyone has a little witch in them. See Atticus; even Travis was listening," Alabaster teases.

Atticus grunts, "Yeah, yeah. I was trying to put Harvey to sleep!"

“You act like he’s a baby that needs to be coddled!” Sage raises her eyebrow. Atticus had always been super affectionate with Harvey. She swears she’s never seen Atticus and Harvey separated for long like the way you and Ambrose have periods where you’ll be apart. When Ambrose knew you were safe, he’d usually wander off to find your siblings or mess around with monsters in the forest, so he wasn’t with you 24/7. But Atticus managed to have Harvey with him all the time.

“Do not judge my parenting! He likes being held,” Atticus defends Harvey, and Lou Ellen rolls her eyes.

“Parenting? You sound like a single dad.”

Alabaster snorts, “anyways," he cuts in, grabbing both of their attention. "we can start the potion whenever Y/n decides to come back with it," he says as he sits down in a nearby desk chair.

Lou Ellen hums, "she's been gone for almost 40 minutes now. The dunes are on the other side of camp, but it shouldn't take her this long?"

"Maybe she got sidetracked?" James shrugs. "We can go look for her if she doesn't come back in another 10 minutes, but I'm sure she's fine.”

"I'm here!" You announce as you burst through the cabin door, Ambrose running next to you. He runs through the wall, rushing to join your siblings. You sigh, your arm coming up to wipe your forehead that was a little damp from sweat, and your cheeks are a little flushed from being in the summer heat.

"Look who decided to come back," James announces, shaking his head in playful disapproval. You smile sheepishly, too caught up in your breathing to say anything as you pass the jar to him. You return to your spot between Lou Ellen and Atticus, hoping they wouldn't ask too many questions.

"What took you so long?" Lou Ellen asks, her voice concerned. You clear your throat, attempting not to sound hesitant as you come up with a lie on a whim.

"Oh uh, I just got distracted… some of the girls from the Aphrodite cabin were hanging out at the dunes, and I got caught up in conversation," you stutter a little, suddenly feeling nervous as Atticus squints at you. You accidentally meet his stare before looking away fast, turning so that your back is facing him.

"You're lying," he declares. You scoff,

"No, I'm not!"

"I'm your twin, y/n. I know when you are lying!" He reminds you, and you groan.

You and Atticus have always had this weird twin sense. You both can tell when the other is lying because you could pick up on each other's emotions really well. You thought maybe if he didn’t see your body language, he wouldn’t be able to pick up on your lie, but of course, he didn’t need a visual to know that you were nervous. You could also feel each other's pain to a certain extent which has always been annoying. Atticus was pretty accident-prone when he was younger and, well, still is. This meant any bumps and bruises he managed to obtain, you would always get dull aches in the same area. The most annoying part of it all was that the more severe the pain, the more you felt. Once you had period cramps so bad, you both had to call out from school because he was also curled up in his bed, declaring that he’ll never make period jokes again in his life.

You weren’t sure why you had this connection with your brother. Since you’ve had it your entire life, you had thought this was a regular thing, but you’ve recently found out that it wasn't normal at all. You just assumed that it came with the quirks of being children of a sorceress goddess. You had to admit that it was cool, but at times like this, you wished you didn’t have it because Atticus called you out a lot.

You didn't want to admit you got distracted by Percy in the combat area. On your way back, you saw him practicing with the test dummies. You watched him practice for a few seconds, and you had no intention of stopping to talk to him initially, but when he caught you walking by, he called you over.

"Admit it, you were nervous," Percy laughs, continuing to tease you about how you ran away from him during Capture the Flag. You scoff, nudging his shoulder,

"Of you? Please,” you deny even though you were nervous about going head-to-head with him, but he didn’t need to know that. “It doesn't matter if I ran away because I still won!” You stick your tongue out at him, and he smiles,

“You should still practice your sword fighting, Y/n. You can’t always run away from a sword fight,” he points out, and you frown,

“I’m not a close-range fighter. It’s just how it is.” After declaring that you “failed” in sword fighting, you were a bit insecure about your abilities. It was a good and bad thing because after your “failure,” you delved into your magic studies, and you were proud of how much better your abilities have gotten. You could confidently say that you are now a more powerful and seasoned witch than you were at the beginning of the summer. The bad part was that you never stepped foot in the combat area again. The dagger you carried around barely saw the light of day, strapped in its holster most of the time.

"Well, one day, you might not have a choice… c'mon Sabrina Spellman, show me what you got," he jokes as he gets into his stance. You smile, putting the jar of sand down before taking your dagger out of its casing.

"I don't got much to show," you say playfully.

You thought that you'd just go one round with him, but the next thing you knew, he was giving you an entire lesson. He sparred with you a few times, analyzing how you fought and he gave you tips here and there. He was helpful and patient, and you did walk away knowing a few new things.

You swallow as you feel the stares of your siblings, now interested as to why you lied. You try not to become more flustered as you recall the feeling of Percy standing close behind you. His touch was gentle, hands slightly calloused as he adjusted the way you held your dagger, and with light fingertips, he moved your limbs, putting you in a stronger stance.

You shake your head, fiddling with your fingers, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you trailed off, hoping Atticus would drop it. You turn to your brothers, James preparing everything, but Alabaster and Ernest were just as interested as the others regarding where you could have been.

"She was probably with Percy,” Connor mocks, a sly smirk on his face as the whole cabin filled with Ooo's and amused chattering. Your shoulders slouch, head hung low, and you felt like you wanted to crawl in a hole.

"Were you actually?" You hear Atticus asks with amusement in his voice. You don't move from your place, keeping quiet. You knew there was no use in denying it because Atticus would easily sense the lie.

"She definitely was!" Alice squeals when you don’t say anything, and you glare at your sisters, making them giggle.

Lou Ellen nudges your shoulder, "what were you guys doing? You looked flustered when you walked in here,” she teases and winks.

"Probably making out!" Connor butts in before you could answer, and you gasp, snapping your gaze to him.

“We were just sparring!" You blurt out, and Connor laughs at how defense you suddenly became. The last thing you wanted was rumors leaving the cabin, and you groan as your sisters start pestering you with questions, along with the assumptions of your other cabinmates.

"Okay! Okay," Alabaster shouts a little over the chattering. "We need to focus. You guys can talk about that later," he says, and silence falls amongst your siblings. You nod, relieved that you get to avoid the topic for now. You watch as they exchange looks, silently communicating something to each other. You had an idea that it had something to do with you as Ernest’s eyes flicker in your direction and Alabaster’s face hardens. James gave them a dismissive wave with his hand as if he was telling them not to worry before continuing to sort out the materials in front of him.

"Let's start this potion. Some of us have chores to do," James cuts through the silence as he grabs the mortar and pestle and sits down in front of you and your siblings.

As James puts the potion together, carefully showing you how to cut and crush certain herbs, Ernest sits beside him, explaining the steps carefully. You lean a little forward, focusing on the lesson, and you diligently write notes in your notebook, trying not to miss any crucial details.

“Take good notes; I’m copying those,” Atticus whispers in your ear, and you squint at him playfully. His arms were too occupied with Harvey, so he was just watching the demonstration, confident that you’ll take thorough notes for him to copy. You shake your head, turning your attention back to Ernest as he speaks. After demonstrating it, they pass on the materials to you guys, and it was your turn to try it out.

The potion was a little too easy for you, and you find yourself growing a little bored as you put everything together. It annoyed you because you felt like your brothers were going easy on you and you were itching to get into the more advanced stuff such as healing potions or something like a disguising potion.

Out of your three older brothers, Ernest was the most knowledgeable about potions. He was always helping out in the infirmary, making healing potions for the Apollo kids to use. Sometimes the Hermes kids would ask him to make potions for pranks, and you’ve even seen some of the girls from the Aphrodite cabin begging him to make love potions for them. Usually, Ernest would decline their requests, giving lectures, especially to the Aphrodite girls, why a love potion is a terrible idea. But in the times that he has agreed to do them, the results were always hilarious. Once, he made a Hilarity Potion for the Stoll brothers that turned the Ares cabin into a bunch of giggling messes for 24 hours. Until that day, you’ve never seen someone giggle aggressively before.

You were the first to finish the potion, bottling it up in a miniature glass jar before pushing the cork into the top. You carefully wired wrapped the jar, attaching it to a necklace and fastening it around your neck. After being praised by your brothers, you were off to do the chores that were given to you by Connor as repayment for not ratting you out to the Aphrodite Cabin about your spontaneous meeting with Percy at the docks.

You were done right in time for dinner, the time passing as usual as you and your siblings talk and laugh at the table. Soon, you were singing along to the songs at the campfire, and by the time it came to an end, your eyelids were heavy with fatigue. You knew then that you were not going to study into the night as the soreness from sparring with Percy started to settle in your muscles. When you arrived at the Hermes cabin after washing up for bed, you could barely keep your eyes open. The last thing you remembered was mumbling a good night to Atticus and turning over in your bed.

Your dreams were always weird, so when you’re taken to a meadow in the middle of nowhere, you weren’t surprised. Actually, you were pretty content, preferring this scene instead of the bizarre settings you often came across.

You swore you could feel the soft summer breeze blowing on your face, and you take a deep breath, basking in the fresh air. You look out at the grassy land ahead of you, noticing you were standing at a crossroad. Two gravel roads stretched in either direction, one path seemingly identical to the other. You turn around to study your surroundings further. You squint, hand hovering above your eyes to protect them from the shining sun that's beginning to set behind the hills. The valley was still; the only sound you could hear was the wind whooshing past your ears, and you felt safe.

“Come with us, y/n.” A familiar voice cuts through the stillness, and you gasp, looking in the direction it came from. You find Alabaster standing on the left road, James and Ernest standing beside him. You felt your stomach turn as their eyes darken. Your arms wrap around your frame as the once warm wind turns cold. Dark clouds roll in, splitting the sky in half as the right side remains the same sunny meadow. Groans of thunder echoed throughout the land, and you can sense an eerie presence lingering in the air.

“What?” You whisper to yourself, noticing Atticus standing on the right road.

“No! Don’t,” he shouts, his expression glazed over in fear, and you step back.

“Don’t listen to him. We know what’s best for you,” James says, his arm extended out for you to hold, and you shake your head. “Come with us.”

“No! Come with me!”

“Come with us!”

You feel your heart racing in your chest, the screams of your brothers sending goosebumps to your skin. Their voices become more desperate, and you can hear the grief and panic in their voices.

“No, no, no. It’s a dream… you can change it,” you whisper, becoming overwhelmed as the thunder grows louder and so the desperation in your brother’s wailing. You stare down at the ground, and your hands are pressed firmly over your ears. You try to concentrate on shifting into another dream, but before you could, you felt as if your body was sucked into a vortex. A distant voice calls your name, and you groan, your vision blurry as your eyes flutter open.

Alabaster stands over you as he nudges your shoulder softly, whispering your name until you finally wake up. “C’mon, get up.”

You lazily sit up in your bed, your surroundings fuzzy as Alabaster guides you to stand up. You assume that it must be morning as you slip your feet into your slippers and you rub your eyes. It didn’t take you long to notice that it was still night time and you whine softly, confused and annoyed that you were woken up from your slumber.

“Al? What’s going on?” Alabaster doesn’t answer, grabbing onto your wrist, and you were too groggy to protest, following him to the back window of the Hermes cabin. You stumble a little when you land on the grass, Atticus coming to your side and grabbing on to your other hand. You don’t even notice the nervous look on his face or the way his hand was shaking, too busy attempting to stay awake.

Your vision was still fuzzy, and you lay your head against your brother's arm, feeling Ambrose’s mouth tugging on your shirt frantically as Alabaster leads you into the forest. You don’t know what it was, but you had this feeling that something was wrong and a soft sigh leaves your lips as you gather your strength to get out of your grogginess.

“Wait… wait!” You snatch your arm from Alabaster's hold. “What’s going on?” You ask as your brothers turn around.

“We’re leaving,” Ernest says, and you furrow your eyebrows. “We’re going to join Kronos’s army.”

“We? Are you insane?” You felt your heart drop to your chest, and you tried to look for any sign that they were joking.

“Come with us, Y/n,” Alabaster pleads, and you feel goosebumps forming on your skin as you get an overwhelming feeling of deja vu. The tone of his voice, the way their eyes darkened, was the same as the dream you just had. Your brothers glowered down at you, waiting for your decision.

"No… no, this isn't right,” you whisper. You let go of Atticus’s hand, just now noticing how tight his grip was. You wipe your shaky palms on your pants, and for a moment, you thought you were still dreaming. At least, you were hoping that you were still dreaming. You scan your surroundings, trying to find a sign that would tell you that this wasn't real, but you don't find one.

“There is no reason to stay here, to fight on this side. Kronos will win the war. The camp doesn’t stand a chance,” Alabaster declares confidently. Your mind wanders, recalling the dark stormy clouds that loomed over your brothers in your dream and the eeriness that took over. You could practically feel your pulse in your ears, grasping the fact that your dream was a warning.

“And how are you so sure?” Your voice quivers, and you sigh in disbelief.

“Because mother told me,” Alabaster says, and your head jerks back, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Mother? She spoke to you?”

“Yes. She’s fighting for Kronos, and she believes it is in our best interest to join her.”

A wave of emotion washes over you all at once. You were shocked, furious, even a little jealous. Your mother never came to speak to you. You knew that she tended to favor your more powerful siblings. Your older brothers have talked to her a few times, and the reminder made your chest feel heavy. You knew she looked after you, obviously. She had saved your life by sending Ambrose to you and your brother's aid. You prayed to her daily, and she occasionally sent you signs that made you feel she was there with you — but coming to see you? That was a privilege that you weren’t worthy of; at least, that’s what it felt like.

Your fury came from the fact that your mother was the motivator of all this. Why would she persuade your brothers in her own interests? Weren’t there rules that your godly parent couldn’t interfere with certain things? You weren’t sure what the rules specifically were, but this didn’t feel right. You shake your head,

“Mother isn’t omniscient. She doesn’t know who will win.” Your fist is clenched hard on your side, and you watch as Alabaster’s expression hardens,

"You're only fighting on this side because of your little boyfriend. Is he more important to you than us?"

"Boyfriend?! What are you talking about-”

"I'm talking about Percy! Don’t think we haven’t noticed you hanging out with him. Sparring together? In the strawberry fields together? You guys were practically flirting at the campfire, and Connor told us that you’ve been meeting him at night. Is that true?"

You feel your face get hot, but it wasn’t at the accusation of Percy being your boyfriend but the rage that was swirling in your chest. You hated that he thought you would compromise your loyalty to your siblings for a boy. That wasn’t true. In the right circumstances, you would always put your siblings first because you knew they would do the same. But this wasn’t about Percy; you haven’t thought of him until Alabaster brought him up. This was about loyalty to the camp.

"He's not my boyfriend. It doesn’t even matter what side he’s fighting on. I couldn’t care less. Al… this- this is about family!"

"Family?! What?”

“The camp,” you say shakily, and you shift on your feet as a sarcastic laugh leaves Alabaster’s lips.

“The camp? You mean the camp that doesn’t deem our mother worthy of her own cabin? We’ve been trapped in that Hermes cabin since the beginning. Half of us didn’t even have a bed to sleep in the first summer we arrived. You and Lou Ellen had to cram in a twin-size bed the first couple of weeks until you got lucky and something opened up. Y/n, they don’t care about us. They toss us to the side, barely give us a space to learn our magic. This camp isn’t family. We're your family, Y/n. We understand you the most. We share the same powers, the same mother. We care for you."

You look down at the ground, hating that you were unable to deny that the words he spoke held truth. The children of minor gods were treated differently. You didn’t have a cabin dedicated to your godly parent, and that was enough to make you feel lesser than. You remember Ethan Nakamura saying in passing that being forced to sleep in the Hermes cabin was pretty much an odd punishment for not being a child of one of the 12. You remember laughing and brushing it off, not thinking much of it at the moment, but now, it suddenly occurred to you that he wasn’t joking at all. He was dead serious.

You have to admit that the living situation wasn’t ideal. It affected how you were able to study your magic and came with annoying inconveniences. You slept in a sleeping bag for your first summer, tucked away in the corner of the room with Atticus. The system in place for who gets a bed was set up by seniority. The longer you've been at camp, the more secure your sleeping arrangements were. You only got a bed because, at the beginning of the summer, a good chunk of kids had left to join Kronos’ army, which bumped you up on the waiting list.

You almost gave in, only so that you'd be with your siblings. If you stay, most of them will be long gone, and you'll be forced to fight them on the battlefield, but you couldn't leave. It didn’t feel right to compromise your loyalty to the camp. Though there were days where you did feel like an outcast, you couldn’t ignore the times you didn’t. Your friends here were important to you too, and you’ve always seen the camp as your haven. It was the only place where you didn’t have to worry about monsters or entities. Sure, some people at camp saw you as some freak, but you never felt as much as a freak here as you did in the mortal world. In the end, it boiled down to one question. Did you want to fight alongside your friends for a camp that brought you a sense of comfort? Or will you fight for a bitter, greedy titian who’s only using you so he can have the throne?

"No, I’m staying,” you say with a tight jaw, looking up to meet Alabaster’s eyes. You kept thinking of the dark clouds, the thunder roaring in the background, the way the valley darkened. That was a warning. That was a clear sign to run the other way, to not walk into the storm.

"Atticus?" Alabaster shifts his gaze to your brother, who stands beside you. Your entire body tenses up, your teeth chewing at the inside of your cheek.

He couldn't go. You couldn’t bear the thought of being without him. Though you were sure that he would be on your side, it was then you decided that if Atticus left, you were going to leave too. You hated that you were second-guessing him, but you weren't sure what to believe after this whole thing being pulled by Alabaster.

"... I'm staying.” His voice is more confident than you expected it to be, and you sigh out shakily, feeling the weight of dread lift from on your shoulders. You’ll still have your twin, and right now, when you felt like your whole world was falling apart, that’s all that mattered.

"You both are fools," Alabaster hissed, and your fist clenches, gaze snapping up.

"You’re the damn fool. How are you so sure that if Kronos wins, everything will suddenly be better? Alabaster, he’s feeding off your anger for his own agenda. You really think if we fight in his little army, he’ll care about us?” Your voice cracks, you scan the crowd of your siblings looking at you. You peer over at your sisters, who were huddled behind your brothers.

“Sage, Alice, Lou Ellen? This isn’t right. We- I- don’t go, just stay here at camp,” you plead, hoping that if you could persuade them to stay, maybe your brothers will forfeit their plan. “I have a bad feeling. I had a dre-”

“Stop,” James barked. You couldn’t help but cringe; the way his eyes narrowed at you was something you’ve never seen before.

“The odds are in Kronos’ favor. He has a bigger army. His allies are strong. This camp doesn’t stand a chance. You asking them to stay is the same as asking them to die,” he declares. “Mother says if- when he wins, she will take care of us. We can live and study with her, she promised.”

Your eyes sting with tears, and you close them, fingers anxiously peeling the skin around your nails. It was way too good to be true. That’s probably something you’ve always wanted, to live as a coven with your siblings. You only wished for a conversation with your mother, but the opportunity to learn from her directly was tempting. Still, you thought about the chaos that would reign across the country, across the world. You didn’t understand how a world under the rule of Kronos could be any better than the world you had now. And you deduced that it would probably be even worse.

“It’s all bull,” you spat, and you scoff. “I’m asking them to die? Take a look at where you’re taking them! This is mad. Guys, please,” you plead again. You frown as Alice and Sage refuse to look at you, huddling close beside each other.

“I- I’m staying,” Lou Ellen suddenly breaks the silence, and you feel a rush of hopefulness. Her head is lowered in a bow, avoiding the stares of your brothers as she walks to you. You reach out your arms, grasping her hand the moment she was close enough. You hear Ernest scoff, turning around to look at Sage and Alice.

“Anyone else would like to stay?” His tone is harsh, cutting through the night and Alice and Sage stare at the floor. You could tell from their trembling hands that they were scared. If they felt any conviction, any second thoughts, they didn’t dare to speak up.

“Let’s go before we get caught out here,” Alabaster announces, and you meet his eyes one last time.

“We’ll see you on the battlefield, sister.”

The walk back to the Hermes Cabin was silent. You hold on to Lou Ellen’s equally clammy hands, the three of you shaken up from what just happened. A part of you still couldn’t even believe that this is how your night played out. You glance at Atticus, his face expressionless, but you knew his mind was scattered with a million thoughts. If your own grief wasn’t enough, you were met with the burden of the grief radiating off of him.

Atticus coped with things differently than you did. You were quick to cry when you’re sad, scream when you were angry, but he bottled it up. He would bottle it up until all his emotions boiled over the limit. Even then, he was private, never letting it out where people could see him, but no matter what, you felt it, and no matter what, you were there comforting him.

He meets your gaze, and you take in the sadness on his face. The sight of his sorrow made it hard to hold back your tears. You knew that when Al called his name, he felt your panic. He felt your dilemma. You didn’t exactly know his stance on the impending war, but you knew at that moment, Atticus made his decision because he didn’t want to be separated from you. He manages a sad smile as there is a mutual understanding of this between the two of you. He slings his arm around both you and Lou Ellen’s shoulders in a failed attempt to lighten up the situation. He swallows hard,

“We’ll be okay,” he musters out, and as confident he wished to sound, the weakness in his voice was unavoidable. You suppress the sob that threatened to leave your lips, a tear falling down your cheek, and you nod,

“Yeah, we- we’ll be okay.” Your voice falters.

and hopefully, they’ll be okay too.

masterlist taglist: @nct127bee @xxyrr

#my writing #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader #percy x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympian fanfic #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson imagine #percy fanfic #percy jackson au #percy jackson oneshot #percy jackson and the olympian fic

[magickastiel]

Somewhere Off in the Dark (Dean/Cas) 7.3k

It’s easier to be with Cas in the dark.

Dean hasn’t got to see those eyes at full brightness, boring into his soul. Instead he can just talk and not worry about the embarrassment scalding his face or the discomfort twisting his spine.

It’s dangerous being with Cas in the dark.

Gift for @jackttwist for the @starrynightdeancas gift exchange! ✨

mild warning for a scene during early s13 so dean is very self-destructive and doesn't care about his own life. It's along the same times as the show but if you're triggered by that, skip from: 'Dean is sick' and pick up again at: "The Empty?" Dean whispers, feeling cold' for the cute stuff!

a03 or keep reading 💖

_

Dean will never get used to waking up and seeing eyes peering back at him.

He starts awake, half-reaching for the gun tucked under his pillow before he can pull himself back. He glares and throws the blanket off his lap, immediately regretting it when the cool night air hits his legs.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel says, voice dry and face impassive. He watches without shame as Dean clambers to his feet, eyes skimming over his legs, his rucked up t-shirt, the scowl on his face.

A chill shoots up Dean’s back and, not for the first time, he wonders how many pairs of eyes Castiel really has. He walks from the couch to Bobby’s kitchen for something to do with his overly observed body.

“I’ll shoot you one day.” He says over his shoulder. “That’ll show you.”

“What will that show me?”

Dean wants to be annoyed but instead he snorts with laughter. Castiel seems to have this affect on him.

“Nothin’. Forget it.” His eyes itch with fatigue and he rubs them with the back of his hand. “You want coffee?”

“I have no need for - ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Dean turns to lean his back against the counter and almost jumps again when he sees that Castiel has silently followed him to the kitchen. He can count the number of worn tiles between his bare feet and Castiel’s shoes. He has to swallow before he speaks. “Didn’t ask if you needed it. You want some?”

The angel’s eyes travel over him again and Dean feels like an ant under the hot glare of a magnifying glass on a sticky summer’s day.

“Yes.” He says eventually.

“Right.” Coffee.

He potters about, feeling eyes on him wherever he goes. He doesn’t let his hand shake.

By the time they’re sat back on the couch with two half-empty mugs, Dean’s body has loosened as he becomes accustom to the silent scrutiny. There’s no looming threat and no harsh judgement because Castiel is as he always is – curious. Every movement is apparently fascinating to him, every sentence Dean says is worth contemplation and every sip of coffee is a new experience to mull over. Again, Dean is surprised how little it annoys him.

“You remember the first time you woke me up here?” He says after a long pause. “You threatened to throw me back into Hell. Real nice of you.”

In the dark, Dean has to rely on Castiel’s voice to judge his expression. “Yes.” The word sounds solemn, like he’s disappointed that Dean remembers it. “I did say that.”

Dean takes the last glug of coffee to think. There’s an obvious question that’s been lingering between them for the last ten minutes.

“Why did you come here tonight?” He asks and doesn’t know what he wants the answer to be.

Even though he can’t see him properly, he’s sure Castiel is staring straight at him even as he ponders his answer. It’s another reminder of how alien he is. He doesn’t have that need to look away, to hide his face as his mind races to find the right way to say the right thing. Dean envies him that.

“I wanted to apologise.”

“Apologise for what?”

When he speaks again, his tone is unnervingly soft. “Your friends.”

Ellen. Jo.

Dean’s heart clenches and he feels the urge to move, unable to sit still in his grief. His knee knocks against Castiel’s solid thigh but the angel stays perfectly still.

“I should have been with them.” Castiel continues his voice low and smooth. If it wasn’t for the subject matter, Dean might think he was being read to sleep like a troubled child. “I should have protected them.”

“Not your fault.” He mumbles and means it. It never occurred to him to blame Castiel. He’s been too busy blaming himself to consider anyone else’s actions.

“I arrived with them and I should have stayed with them. I let them down. I – I let...”

Castiel is hesitating. This is new behaviour for him and it’s dangerously human.

“I...let you down.”

Dean feels like he’s been doused with cold water. He doesn’t blame Castiel for not wanting to say that. It’s so ridiculously untrue and so goddamn weird to say that he let Dean down specifically. It’s too much focus on him, on them.

“You didn’t let us down, man.”

“You are being kind.” Castiel says in neither admonishment nor gratefulness. He just states it like it’s a sure fact. “Thank you. But I shall endeavour to make it up to you.”

“Oh.” Dean says feeling dumb and strangely warm. “Right. But like I said, nothing to make up for.”

“You are not sleeping.”

He almost gets whiplash at the sudden change in conversation. “Uh well, no, not right now. You did wake me up.”

“Allow me to clarify: you do not sleep enough.” The still air is disturbed by the rustle of his trenchcoat and the sharp clack of the ceramic mug being placed on the table.

“Kind of a lot going on, dude.” Dean says, trying to protest as Castiel pulls his mug from his hands and places that on the table too. “Uhhh, what are you doing?”

“Lie back down.”

Dean does as he’s told but frowns too. He tells himself it’s a good compromise. “You gonna stare at me until I fall asleep or something?”

“I could but I believe that will be unnecessary.” He stands and looms over the couch. He looks intimidating from down here – tall as a skyscraper and dark as a void. Dean clutches at the blanket for something tangible to hold on to. “Your body still hasn’t recovered from the physical and emotional trauma of the last week. And when you sleep you have nightmares thus reliving the pain. You must rest completely to correct this and regain your full strength.”

Dean snorts. “Oh, yeah? So what you gonna do – zap me to sleep?”

“Yes.”

“Wait – ”

Two fingertips brush his forehead and he sleeps.

_

Dean can’t stop looking.

Even as Benny regales them with some batshit story, even as he eats his handful of berries, even as he wanders the perimeter of their little camp.

Cas is here.

Like, actually here.

He hadn’t let himself lose hope but it had been slipping. Just around the corner, he’d think. One more fight and he’ll be there. On and on.

And then there he was, alive and washing his face like he’d just woken up after a bad night’s sleep at a motel.

Dean’s eyes flit over to him again. He isn’t used to it yet. They only found him a few hours ago. Man’s gotta bask in having his best friend back.

“Dean? You hear me?”

He sighs and turns back to Benny who, to his credit, doesn’t even look annoyed. “Yeah, yeah. Sleeping, shifts, food.”

He snorts. “Got the gist, at least.”

“I’ll take the first shift. Gotta...” He glances over his shoulder at Cas again. He isn’t quite sure what he’s got to do, but he knows it involves Cas.

“Like that, huh?” Benny says, a slight smirk on his face.

“What do you mean?” He mutters, grabbing a stick and poking the meagre fire for something else to focus on.

“Nothin’, nothin’.” He waves a hand, but the smirk hasn’t left his face. “Just startin’ to feel like a third wheel, is all.”

Dean’s face heats unpleasantly. He knows it’s not like that but he can’t quite bring himself to argue about it. Instead he stares into the fire as Benny wanders off to rest. He feels horribly cracked open. He’s gotten used to his hardened shell – Purgatory took all the resilience he had and coated him in it. But the first sight of Cas had split him apart and now his usual racing thoughts have come rushing back with the force of a ten tonne truck. He almost wishes he could go back to how he was yesterday, pure focus and drive.

Now he feels small next to the fire, between a vampire and an angel.

He’s just one slightly shitty human lost in Purgatory.

“Dean?”

Cas joins him suddenly, with that eerie angelic stealth. Dean only just manages to stop himself from jumping like a kid. Cas sits on his left, watching him intently.

Everything is kind of colourless in Purgatory. It drove Dean insane for the first few days; everything seemed slightly off and unreal. Then he got used to it – the lacklustre trees, the blank water, even the fire looked kind of grey.

Cas’ eyes are still very blue.

It’s the first real colour he’s seen in months.

“Dean?” He says again, sounding slightly alarmed. “Are you alright?”

He clears his throat. “Yeah. Just...weird to see you, I guess.”

“Oh.” Cas blinks. “I...I suppose it is strange to see you too. I have seen you from a distance a few times. If several leviathans caught me at once, it would take me a while to kill all of them. Each time, I was very aware of how you were likely closing in on my location. Then I would catch a glimpse of you through the trees and that was when I knew I needed to get ahead again.”

“You what?!” Dean hisses, only keeping his voice down for Benny’s sake. “You mean you’ve been in spitting distance before and you didn’t say anything?! You could have...” He thinks about the sleepless nights, the desperation to find him alive. “I was afraid you were dead.”

“I am sorry, Dean.” Cas squints and tilts his head a little. Dean feels his anger dissipate. “I wanted nothing more than to join you. Together, I am sure we can conquer almost anything.” Right. That’s a total normal thing to say to someone. “But I was the one who released the leviathans. It was my responsibility to deal with them. If they got to you I would never be able to forgive myself.” His gaze drops to the fire. “I will never be able to forgive myself.”

“Don’t.” Frustration pushes at Dean’s skull, making his eyes water. “Yeah, ok. You did something pretty dumb. But you did it because you were trying to save the world. I should have...if I hadn’t been so damn caught up with other stuff. If I had just been there more - ”

“Dean, you cannot blame yourself.” Cas sounds genuinely horrified at the thought. “It was my decision and the consequences are mine to bear. All I can hope is that you can find a way to forgive me. And Sam - ”

“Sam’s good now.” Dean says quickly, half to reassure himself. “You screwed him over, not gonna lie. But at least you fixed it.”

Neither of them speaks for a while. Cas seems intent on watching the fire while Dean’s shell shatters a little more. Had he really had forgiven Cas just like that? He thought of what John Winchester would say about that. To say Cas had ‘screwed Sam over’ was a bit of an understatement. He had totally destroyed his mind. And here Dean was, casually forgiving him like it was no big thing.

It isn’t just words either. Dean really doesn’t feel any animosity towards the angel at all. Look out for Sammy. That had been drummed into him since he was four years old, when he carried his baby brother from their burning home. He still lives by it too. So it’s unnerving to forgive someone who hurt Sam. He’d been angry at first, sure. Upset, if he was being honest. He’d been hit with the double whammy of worrying about Sam and being betrayed by the only real friend he’d ever had. The only one that sticks around.

Well, that isn’t quite true. Cas always leaves but he always comes back too.

Now Dean just feels happy. And tired. He’s pretty tired too.

“You should sleep.” Cas says, softly. “I can watch over you.”

His knee jerk reaction is to tell the angel that’s weird. In any other situation it is weird. But here, he really does need someone looking out for him.

“’Angels are watching over you.’” He says, thinking of soft blonde hair and a warm smile. He swallows around the lump in his throat. “That’s what my mom used to tell me every night when she put me to bed. Guess that’s true tonight, huh?”

“I suspect she did not imagine that to come true in Purgatory while you are travelling with an angel and vampire, but the sentiment is lovely nonetheless.”

Dean can’t stop himself from grinning as he settles down, wedging his jacket under his head like Benny did.

“Do we have to travel with the vampire?” Cas grumbles beside him, sounding wonderfully like himself.

Dean raises his eyebrows against his makeshift pillow. “What, you don’t like Benny?”

“I don’t like the way he acts.” His eyes narrow, glaring at the sleeping figure the other side of the fire. “He looks at you like he wants to...consume you.”

Dean laughs and, for a moment, the clearing rings with it. “Dude trust me: Benny ain’t gonna eat me. He’s got plenty of food around.”

But Cas still looks unsure. “That’s not...” He sighs. “Yes, I suppose you are right.” He gives Dean one of those rare, small smiles as he looks down at him. “Sleep.”

Dean does as he’s told for once, letting his aching limbs stretch out next to the warmth of the fire and under his best friend’s watchful gaze.

But after a few moments, he can’t resist another look, even as his body succumbs.

“You can sleep, Dean.” Cas says, almost chastising. “I’ll watch over you.”

“Ain’t that. Just...” His tongue feels too big for his mouth and his heart feels too heavy for his chest. “Just checkin’ you’re still there, is all.”

As he falls asleep, he hears his voice one more time.

“I’m still here. I’ll always be here.”

_

When Dean asks Cas where he can drop him, the ex-angel avoids his eyes and says something about being ‘between places’.

Yeah, Dean’s the worst friend in the world.

He drives them to a motel because that’s the least he can do.

He mentally berates himself on the drive there while Cas is quiet in the passenger seat. This really is the least he can do. He should be driving Cas home to the Bunker, buying him dinner on the way back. He should be apologising for throwing him out. But if he starts apologising that means he’s got to start explainingand that’s something he really can’t do. Not yet.

So he drives his awesome best friend to a shitty motel and books them a shitty twin room and orders a shitty pizza.

Once they’ve eaten in relative silence, Cas perches on the edge of one of the beds staring wide-eyed and blank faced at the television. Unfortunately, it’s not Dr. Sexy. Just some grim drama about murders and family betrayals. Like they don’t have enough of that to deal with already.

He looks small and Dean has the sudden urge to rest a hand on his shoulder.

“Dude,” He says, busying his restless hands with clearing up the greasy napkins and tossing them into the bin. “Don’t sit that close to the TV. You’ll get square eyes.”

For what seems like the first time in an hour, Cas blinks. “Is that possible?”

Dean chuckles and settles back on his bed, kicking off his boots with a groan. “Nah, just somethin’ parents tell their kids. Dad used to say it to me all the time.” His smile slips as John Winchester’s dark eyes narrow in his mind. “Used to watch so much Scooby Doo it drove him mad. ‘Turn that TV off and do something useful! Ain’t got no use for a son with square eyes!’” He fidgets on the bed, fighting the urge to pull a blanket over himself.

“Oh.” Cas half turns away from the TV. “That seems unnecessarily harsh.”

Dean shrugs. “Just watched it when he was gone.” Had plenty of time.

“I assume you had plenty of time to watch it then.”

Huh.

Dean’s stunned into silence long enough for Cas to look over. Something on his face makes Cas look guilty.

“I’m sorry. It isn’t my place to comment on your father.”

“No.” Dean says but isn’t sure if he means it.

Cas stands, flicking off the TV and sitting against the pillows of his own bed. The quiet makes Dean realise that he’s alone with Cas in a motel room. He isn’t sure why it sets his teeth on edge – it shouldn’t be any different from sharing with Sam. So why does he feel a bit too hot under his shirt?

“Family is a complicated thing.” Cas continues, oblivious to Dean’s discomfort.

“Y-yeah.” The word sticks in his throat. “You miss ‘em? The other angels?”

In the soft lamplight, Cas’ profile looks striking as he thinks. “Yes and no. I miss the simplicity of being with them.”

“Simplicity? Can’t imagine Heaven ever being simple.”

“Oh, it’s not, not really. But I knew my place and I knew what I required to do. And I was known. Understood.”

“You think I don’t get you?” Dean asks before he can stop himself.

Cas leans back further, turning slightly to rest his head on the pillow. His eyes look almost velvet in the soft light. Dean finds himself turning a little too, cheek brushing the cotton pillowcase.

“I think you understand me more than I could have ever hoped for.”

“Oh.” Dean feels struck dumb and something inside his chest clunks. “That...that’s what friends are for, I guess.”

“Yes.” Cas smiles, gummy and a little crooked where he’s resting his head. “It is.”

Dean rolls onto his back, heart hammering as he stares at the ceiling. Cas’ eyes are still on him – he knows the feel of that gaze like a dangerous coastline knows the relentless glare of a lighthouse.

The silence drags and his fingers itch to switch the TV back on.

“Coulda got you your own room.” He mutters, almost to himself. Least I could do. “Give you some privacy.”

“No.” Cas says firmly. “This is...this is good. Thank you.” He sounds so earnestly grateful Dean almost cringes in shame. “I spend quite a lot of time alone. It’s good to have company.”

“Right, yeah. Of course.”

“But if you’d rather - ”

“Nah, it’s all good.” He says and is surprised that he means it. He’s counted the stains on the ceiling three times and his heart is slowing to its normal pace again.

“Dean?” Cas sounds a little slower now. “Tell me something?”

“Uh, sure. What?”

“Anything.”

“Like a story?” Dean frowns and looks over to see Cas’ eyes are already half-closed.

“Hmm.”

“Uhhh...” He flounders. He hasn’t done this since he was a kid, making up stories for Sammy to fall asleep to in the back of the Impala. “Ok. Once, this guy woke up. Let’s call him...Dan. He woke up and realised he was underground, being suffocated. So after he panicked a bit, he dug his way out and almost goddamn blinded himself ‘cos it was a sunny day, right? He walks to this old gas station and keeps thinking ‘how am I alive?’ ‘cos he’s pretty sure he was dead.”

He knows he isn’t telling it well but it doesn’t seem to matter because Cas hums again, sounding pleased this time. Dean feels his own body melting like hot wax into the bed as he watches Cas’ eyes close.

“Then he looks in the mirror and sees he’s got this mark on his shoulder. A handprint. So he’s like, ‘who the hell left that there?’”

Cas chuckles, mouth thick with sleep. Dean pulls a blanket over himself and wraps an arm around one of the pillows.

“Turns out, his best friend left it there. But here’s the thing: he ain’t met him yet.”

Dean smiles as Cas’ breathing gets even and heavy. He watches for a moment and squeezes the pillow tight against his chest before turning out the light.

He dreams of Hell but when he wakes, all he can remember are dark wings beating hard against fire.

_

Dean is sick.

He throws up until his body is shaking, until his throat is raw and his eyes are bloodshot.

He slumps down next to the toilet and takes in breaths he doesn’t really want. The cool title presses against his burning back and he closes eyes. Which is a horrific mistake.

A beam of light streaming from his mouth, from his eyes, from the hole in his chest -

His body jerks and his foot knocks the empty whiskey bottle with a jarring clatter. Yeah, that’s rule one, buddy. Don’t close your fucking eyes.

He stands on shaking legs, picks up the empty bottle and goes back to his room where he’s stashed another. Thankfully, he doesn’t pass Sam on the way. He can’t deal with the pity, he can’t deal with the logic and he can’t deal with his stupid, childish hope. Mom’s gone. Ain’t no sense in pretending otherwise. Gone just like –

Nope.

He opens his door and chucks the empty bottle down again, letting it roll off to some dark corner of his room. He scoops up the next one and cracks open the top, taking a deep swig. It hits him hard; neat alcohol on his turbulent stomach makes him gag but he perseveres. He’s exhausted but he can’t close his eyes.

So he’s aiming for blackout.

It can’t be too far away – he can’t remember when he last ate. He’s aching all over, boiling hot and he’s...

Sobbing.

“You...you son of a bitch...” He sways a little when he looks up at the dingy ceiling but he’s trying to talk beyond that. “Whydya hav’ ta...fuck!” He rushes over to the sink and throws up the whiskey he just swallowed. It burns even more on the way up.

Once he’s stopped retching, he tries to take another swig but his body won’t let him do it. He collapses onto the floor again, legs too weak to stand. The bottle clangs in the sink, probably spilling all of its contents down the drain. He makes a weak sound of protest but doesn’t move.

His eyes feel tight and dry against the salty wetness on his face. He wonders how far above him Heaven is. If he’s even there. Something tells him he isn’t. If he is, surely he would have found a way to get back.

Dean whispers his name, a private prayer of desperation. There’s still some dumb part of him that thinks he might just appear again, slightly dishevelled and annoyed at Dean for not looking after himself.

But he doesn’t.

The silence stretches and Dean contemplates hitting his head on the floor. If he does it hard enough, there’s a good chance it’ll knock him out for a while, maybe a few days if he’s lucky.

He tries to lift his head but it’s too heavy. A wave of panic rushes over him as he starts to feel paralyzed – trapped in his own body and smothered with grief.

“Cas?” He chokes, a fresh wave of tears rushing down his face. “You...you’re meant to come back. You always come back. You gotta...you gotta come back, man. Please. Please, I can’t - ”

I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to. Don’t make me.

With all his might, he rolls onto his side before he’s suffocated completely. His head spins as he turns, his stomach churns and his eyes roll back. When he finally passes out, he doesn’t see anything at all.

_

“The Empty?” Dean whispers, feeling cold.

“Yes.” Cas whispers back. He’s only whispering because Dean is. Dean feels completely normal about that and not giddy at all.

“What was it like?” He doesn’t want to know but has to ask all the same.

“Empty.” Cas says, deadpan.

“Oh ok, smartass – thanks for clearing that up!” Dean huffs good-naturedly and has to grip the railing until his knuckles turn white. He’s got so much happiness in him his body doesn’t know what to do with it. He feels energy thrumming through him and he has the sudden urge to start sprinting and laughing.

They’ve stopped at a motel on the drive back from Colorado to the Bunker. Sam is already asleep, hair all splayed out on his pillow like Sleeping Beauty. But Dean...well, Dean was dead for a couple of minutes today so he figures he’ll enjoy being alive for a bit longer. He leans on the rail overlooking the parking lot and lets the cool air fill his lungs.

He’s got company.

“How is Jack?” Cas asks, obviously expecting a better answer than the quick reassurance they’d given him earlier.

“He’s doing ok. I was...” Dean trails off, his good mood momentarily dipping into guilt. “I was kind of a dick to him at first - ”

“What a surprise.” Cas sighs, world-weary and affectionately irritated. Dean wants to make him sound like that every day.

“- but we’ve gotten better.” He knocks Cas’ shoulder with his. “I’ve gotten better.”

“Good.” Cas smiles at him and he has to grip the railing again.

Dean watches him stare up at the moon, the pearly light making him look as otherworldly as he is. Dean is reminded there are wings somewhere behind Cas. Broken, yes, but still there. It’s weirdly exciting that Cas isn’t human. A strange thrill shoots through him when he really thinks about it. He feels like one of those people who inadvertently tame some dangerous beast and have their photos taken with the thing sat on their couch with them. It’s that precious feeling that you’ve been chosen, that something that would normally kill you with a snap of jaws or a click of its fingers saw you and thought you were special. So it decided that it wanted you to live. That it wanted to spend time with you. That he wanted –

“Dean? You’re staring.” Cas turns back to him with a raised eyebrow and a slightly smug expression. “You usually tell me off for that.”

“Right.” Dean doesn’t stop looking. “It’s just...you’re back.You came back again.”

Cas’s expressions softens and he edges a little closer. Suddenly – wildly – Dean thinks if Cas kissed him now he’d be fine with it.

He doesn’t.

“It was suffocating.” He says instead. “The black emptiness was...all encompassing. Like no matter what I did or where I went, I would never escape the feeling of total despair. Of being painfully alone. It was like - ”

“Choking.” Dean says and swallows hard against his healing throat.

“Yes.” Cas’ fingers twitch on the railing and Dean thinks that if he moved his left pinkie, he could feel his skin. Cas’ hand drops before he can really contemplate doing it. “But I did escape.”

“Yeah.” Dean’s full of energy again, happiness buzzing around his body like a swarm of bumblebees. “You got out, man.”

“I was afraid that feeling would follow me. That I would still feel that fear no matter how far I ran.”

“And?”

“I don’t.” Cas turns to the moon again, bathed in pure light, eyes shining as bright as his grace. “I don’t feel scared at all.”

Dean blinks back the sting in his eyes and smiles. “Me neither.”

_

Dean pushes open the door with a sweaty palm.

Cas stands next to him, staring into the room with his lips slightly parted. Dean’s gaze lingers on them for moment before he drags his eyes away.

Just because Cas...said what he said, doesn’t mean he wants that. Maybe he didn’t really mean it. Or maybe he did mean it but like...friends. Best friends love each other. Of course they do. Sure, it did seemlike a momentous romantic confession made by a guy madly in love with his best friend before he sacrificed himself to save said best friend but maybe...maybe it wasn’t really like that.

“You did this for me?” Cas sounds almost tearful and Dean can’t look at him like that. It reminds too much of –

“Yeah.” Dean clears his throat. “Well, Sam helped too. Turns out he’s kinda nerdy about plants too. But I bought ‘em all and watered ‘em and...Jack got you that stuffed bee, by the way.”

Cas steps inside the room and Dean can finally look up from his feet. His eyes go straight to Cas’ broad back, casually dressed in one of Sam’s sweaters. The sleeves are too long but Cas says he likes it. He’s wearing a pair of joggers that Dean kept aside for him and a pair of socks with a hole in the toe.

“I love it.”

Dean’s heart literally skips a beat. Great, he loves it. Loves it in the way he loves –

“Wanted you to have something to come back to, you know? I know this was always kinda your room but there was nothing in here and I thought...after what you said before about the Empty...thought you’d want something good to come back to. Bright and full of life...or whatever, I dunno. Just thought you might like it.”

“It’s incredible.”

Dean thinks that’s over stating it. It’s not that good. Not nearly enough to repay his debts. Not anywhere near what Cas deserves. He deserves a real home, a huge garden, a fucking mansion with butlers and people who bow to him and call him ‘sir’. Instead Dean has given him his old room back. Sure, it’s got a few shelves up, a new rug, bedding that Jack picked out called ‘jungle dreams’, a load of plants and a tall lamp that gives everything a nice glow but it’s still the same room.

Dean has never felt more pathetic.

Castiel is an angel. Ok, barely an angel now (and whose fault it that?) but still a celestial being. He might get tired sometimes, he might get hungry and he might be able to get drunk but he’s still an angel.

He’s still better.

Better than this stupid room, better than this miserable Bunker. Better than Dean.

“Is this your blanket?” Cas asks suddenly, plucking the Scooby-Doo fleece blanket from the bed.

Oh, that. “Uh, yeah. Thought you might get cold now. Don’t want you to get numb toes or nothin’.”

“That’s...” Dean isn’t prepared for the open, raw joy on Cas’ face when he looks up. It almost sends him reeling backwards out of the door. “That’s very kind of you. You didn’t have to do all of this. It’s...”

Stupid. Stupid plants, stupid lamp, stupid goddamn blanket.

“It’s wonderful.”

“It’s stupid.” Dean blurts, feeling awkward and childish. “Shoulda done something more. Shoulda got you - ”

“You got me.” Cas says firmly. “You got me out, Dean. You and Sam and Jack...I will never be able to thank you enough. And then to come back to this room that you worked so hard on, that you filled with things you knew I would like...there is nothing better than that in the whole world. The whole of creation. To be known and to be wanted is the best thing there is.”

Fuck.

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. What can he say to that? What can he say that would ever compare to what Cas said? What he said before –

“Right. Ok. Great. That’s...good. I’ll just...” He gestures over his shoulder to the door. Being in here with Cas is too intense, like staring at the sun or holding your hand over an open flame. “You probably want to rest.”

Cas hesitates before saying, “Yes. I suppose I should. Thank you again for this. I really love it.”

“Yeah, man.” Dean almost winces. “No worries. I’ll just...leave you to it.”

He steps back into the open doorway, unwilling to take his eyes away from Cas because he’s here, in the room Dean has imagined him in for weeks. It’s kind of annoying that Cas doesn’t have the same trouble. He turns his back, wandering towards the plants on the shelves and gently touching the leaves.

Dean lingers, like a moth perched on a lightshade.

“Are you - ” Just leave. “Are you gonna be ok by yourself? I mean, you said before that it was lonely being in the Empty. Thought maybe you’d want company?”

Cas seems surprised when he faces Dean again. “Oh. Well, yes, of course. I would enjoy you staying for a while. But please don’t feel like you have to.”

The idea of Cas thinking he’s keeping Dean against his will is laughable.

“So, er - ” He sits on the bed, fingers clutching at his blanket. “What do you wanna do? I could get my laptop and we could watch a movie? Or we could watch one of those nature documentaries that kinda send me to sleep? You know the ones with the British guy with smooth voice - ”

“Actually, I should rest. I am quite tired.”

“Oh.” Dean tries to not look crushingly disappointed. “Right, yeah.”

“You could rest with me.” Cas says, just like that. Like it’s not a big deal at all. Like guy friends just clamber into bed with each other all the time and die for each other and confess their love for each other...

“Sure.” Dean’s mouth decides for him. “We could – we could do that.”

So they get into bed together.

Cas slides in as though this is his regular night time routine, looking totally at ease in his new ‘jungle dreams’ bedding and borrowed blanket. Dean’s hands shake as he lifts up the covers and slides in too. He waits for it to be weird, waits for discomfort and his father’s face swimming in front of eyes.

Instead, he just feels warm.

They’re led next to each other, unmoving and flat on their backs. Dean’s right leg is about to fall off the bed and Cas’ shoulder looks like it’s digging into the nightstand. Maybe this bed wasn’t made to fit two fully grown men too afraid to touch.

“Dean, are you comfortable? I am not.”

He laughs and rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah, this isn’t great. Maybe if we...uh - ”

“What about if we do this?”

Cas’ hands are suddenly everywhere, manhandling him in a way that Dean has never experienced before but wouldn’t mind experiencing again. He ends up with his head resting on Cas’ chest, forehead pressed against his neck. His right leg has nowhere to go but to hook around Cas’ legs, entwining them together.

And Cas is holding him.

His arms are wrapped around him and not just because they haven’t got anywhere else to go. Because he wants them to go there. Because he wantsto hold Dean. Possibly all night.

Dean starts to panic.

Led like this, his ear is pressed against Cas’ chest – his heartbeat the loudest thing he can hear. What if someone breaks into the Bunker without him knowing? What if something is happening to Sam? To Jack? And he hasn’t even brought a gun with him. He squirms a little, debating on popping back to his room to get one when Cas says,

“Are you thinking about getting a weapon, Dean? I promise you, you won’t need it.”

Cas’ deep voice rumbles through his body, rocking him out of his spiralling worry so quickly Dean briefly wonders if he used some of his remaining slither of grace to do it.

“I would never let anything happen to you.”

“What if someone comes in?”

“An intruder? Judging by our current position, I assume I am the being most visible from the door.”

Dean’s fingers curl in Cas’ borrowed sweater. “You mean you’d be shot first?”

“Yes.” Dean feels his arms tighten around him for a moment. “And I believe my body would shield you from the vast majority of attacks.” He sighs and his breath tickles Dean’s hair. “Of course, if someone were to gain access to the Bunker, it’s likely they would be a supremely powerful being. That would reduce our chance of survival by quite a lot. However, if you really insist on being armed, I am confident that in the few seconds I could shield you, you could at least reach for a makeshift weapon. Whatever good it would do.”

“Right. But...” Dean doesn’t really feel comforted. “I don’t want you to...” He can’t quite say the word.

“Die?” Cas finishes for him as his fingers begin to move, leaving warm trails over Dean’s back. “No, I cannot say that I am enthused by the idea either. I have no desire to leave you again.”

“Not ever?” Dean asks and despises himself for the needy edge in his voice.

“Not ever.” His hands are moving now, big and slow in soothing motions against Dean’s back. He can’t remember the last time he was held like this. Mom, he thinks. When he was a kid. He knows he must look pathetic – six foot plus guy that’s been to hell and back being held like a baby. He should move, should pull away, wipe his eyes and tell Cas it’s time he went back to his own room.

He doesn’t want to.

“You love me.” He says instead, face burning and mouth dry.

He feels Cas smile against the crown of his head. “Yes.”

“You’re like...in love with me.”

One of Cas’ hands moves higher, fingertips trailing over the back of his neck leaving goose bumps in their wake. “Yes.”

Dean will never admit to the half moan, half whine he lets out. He buries his face in Cas’ chest and breathes him in. The smell of him fills Dean’s lungs and Cas’ arms start to feel like a weighted blanket, pressing gently on his body. It makes his eyes soft and his limbs heavy.

As he drifts off, he feels Cas’ lips brushing against his temple.

Dean wakes slowly.

He’s cocooned in softness and warmth and he has no desire to rush anything anymore – least of all to the leave the comfort of his (new) memory foam and his angel. He shifts a little, nuzzling his nose against stubble.

“I thought you were making breakfast.” Cas’ voice rolls over him slow and sweet like honey.

“Hmm.” A murmur, breathed into Cas’ neck, is all Dean can manage.

“Dean, you did promise them.” Cas says, with barely a hint of firmness. His voice is a little husky, like he’s still battling the urge to sleep.

“Oh, yeah? When?” Dean’s lips brush over warm skin.

“Last night.”

He pretends to forget. “Can’t take anything I said last night serious, Cas.”

“Oh?” He sounds a bit more awake now – that familiar dry, teasing tone creeping in.

Dean feels a pang of something in his chest so intense he almost squirms. “Alright, maybe some things were serious.”

“Hmm.” One of Cas’ hands rubs languid strokes up and down his back. “I should hope so.”

The memories come back easy and bright, playing like a dream behind Dean’s heavy eyelids. The stillness of their bedroom is punctuated by the sound of quiet voices in the living room. He grins at that, relishing waking up with the love of his life and his family just in the next room. Happy. Safe.

“Screw ‘em.” Dean says, more to himself than Cas and rubs his foot along his leg a few times, settling down again.

Cas doesn’t seem to have any objections. His hand strokes higher, fingers brushing through Dean’s hair and his blunt nails lightly graze his scalp.

Dean almost whines, his head lifting to follow the touch. He half opens his eyes again and sees a smile, unhurried and adoring. Cas leans down a little and kisses him, stubble rough and lips soft. Dean’s fingers curl against skin and his legs squeeze a muscled thigh beneath the blankets.

They stay that way for a while – bodies warm and entwined, gently greeting each other as the new day dawns. The rising sun has drenched the room in rich yellow light, soft and muffled through the curtains.

Cas’ hand is just caressing his hip and his tongue is getting hotter and more demanding in Dean’s very willing mouth when there’s a knock at the door.

“I know you’re both awake.” Sam’s voice rumbles through the door, amused and still a little sleep rough. “And don’t think we forgot about breakfast either. Eileen wants pancakes and she says I don’t make them right.”

“Not unhealthy enough!” Eileen voice calls out, a little further away.

Dean laughs against Cas’ lips.

“Alright, alright! Gimme five.”

As they slowly detangle, he catches a glimpse of silver as Cas stretches. Dean’s hand feels heavy and warm, like someone’s been holding it for hours. Dean yawns and dangles one leg out of bed, then another. He’s easing himself into the day, taking it a bit at a time.

He can do that now.

He laughs as Cas drags him in for one last kiss before he slides away, shoving his feet into his slippers and tugging on his trusty robe. His ties it around him and wanders, a little stiff-legged, to the window. He pulls back the curtains and from the bed Cas both grumbles and raises his face to meet the sunrise.

Dean watches the sun bathe him in bright light and remembers seeing him like this before. But then it was moonlight and he and Cas were at some shitty motel just out of Colorado. Not in their own house, not in theirbedroom. Dean has his first unbearably intense wave of wild happiness. It won’t be the last one today.

“I like having a window.”

“I liked having eyesight.” Cas mutters, burying himself into the covers.

Dean laughs and thwacks him on the thigh as he passes out the door. Cas’ll be up in his own time.

Four steps and Dean’s in the kitchen.

His brother is perched on one of the chairs at the little island separating the kitchen from the living room. Eileen is signing at him and he’s watching, completely enraptured, with a look of total adoration on his face. Dean would have laughed at him for that once. Now, he knows what it’s like when someone looks at him like that. Now he knows what it’s like to look at someone like that.

But he might still laugh a bit. That’s a big brother’s right.

“Mornin’!” He calls cheerily, rummaging in the fridge for eggs and milk. He emerges triumphant, plopping them onto the counter with a grin. “If the lady wants pancakes, the lady gets pancakes.”

“Best brother in law ever.” Eileen says and Sam almost falls off his seat. She just shrugs cheekily. “Unofficially.”

“For now.” Dean winks and Sam splutters.

“Right, well. Once you’ve finished marrying me off, can we get some breakfast?”

“Alright, alright!” Dean glares but he’s itching to get started. “Goddamn demanding baby. Eileen you could do so much better. Sadly, I’m already taken - ”

She laughs and so does Sam. He wraps an arm around Eileen’s waist and she plays with his hair as they all talk. They talk about Jack getting hyperactive on sugared almonds, about Claire and Kaia wearing matching suits, about Jody and Donna getting drunk and singing karaoke until they were booed off the stage.

Then Cas stumbles out of their soft-lit room; hair wild and face crumpled. He bids them all good morning in a slightly rough tone before shuffling over for coffee. He cradles his mug in both hands as he leans against the corner counter, basking in the sun with his eyes closed.

Dean watches him, aching with joy.

Being in the dark with Cas is easy. But being with him in the light is better.

He twirls the whisk in his hand and it knocks against the ring on his left hand, so new it glows against his skin. Cas kisses his neck as he passes into the living room and Dean grins, looking up at his family.

“Hey, Eileen. What’s the sign for ‘husband’?”

#destiel #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #destiel fic #spn fic #userstarry #dean and cas night time snippets throughout the years #it's mostly cute #ahhhhh my first spn fic i'm so excited #i really loved working on this #mine

[serenasoutherlyns]

Not a Summer Crush Part Seven

a/n: It's heeeeere! The night before my classes start for the fall. There's a timeskip from the previous part-- Caroline, Alex, and Casey have all been together for about a month and it's the transition between fall and summer. This one features fighting and humor and lots of Jack McCoy. Any and all feedback makes my world!

Part Seven

The weeks passed in late nights spent in the same office, in morning lattes and afternoon runs (that often ended in the kinds of showers that don’t save water, with the almost frantic pulling off of clingy clothing, with breathy “god yes”-es and rushing to the door when either of you heard Alex’s key in the lock). Jack McCoy noted with pride how efficient it appeared your bureau had become since the summer started.

It was important to maintain a good amount of discretion. As progressive as the world may be becoming, you knew that the DA’s office had to keep up appearances; that it wouldn’t be good for you, and Jack (and, by extension, you again) for the media to get wind of your relationship. Besides, you wanted to keep it personal, special.

But oh. The thrill of the honeymoon phase is so irresistible.

A Friday night, one where the air began to have the kind of bite that previewed the coming fall, found you and Alex together in a candlelit restaurant waiting for Casey to join you. You had some sense, choosing a place not normally frequented by the Hogan Place set, in the opposite direction from your apartment. You set your glass of wine beside Alex’s and took her hand in yours, above the table this time. You couldn't resist leaning in, kissing her softly.

“Caroline,” she said as you pulled away, smiling at you with the same look you’d first seen months ago, that you hadn’t known was what it was until you’d seen it over and over as she pulled you tighter into her arms.

“Alex,” you said, enticingly, all but batting your eyelashes. She ran her fingers along yours in apology. “I know,” you said, placing your hands back on the table, leaning back against the booth seat. “We could always meet Casey when she gets to your place,” you said, looking at your phone. “Except she’s almost here.”

Alex laughed lightly. “You’re insatiable,” she scolded you, teasingly. You shrugged, knowing it was accurate. “And I’m hungry.” She picked up her menu.

Across the room, around the corner, sitting at a single table, Jack McCoy returned his focus to his book, trying to convince himself he hadn’t seen what he thought he did.

---

Jack was on high alert at the office. He had been too far away, he couldn’t be sure. And it was such an out of the way place-- he went there when he didn’t want every law student and defense attorney on the island to vie for a piece of his ear. So it couldn’t’ve been them, Jack thought. Who am I kidding? That’s exactly the kind of place they’d go. After all-- Jack knew from affairs.

He wouldn’t have expected this of Alex Cabot, knowing how in love she and Casey were. Though, now he considered the possibility, the two of you seemed to gravitate towards one another in a characteristic way. He remembered seeing her hand linger on your shoulder a beat too long in the courthouse hallway.

Who knows, he’d always expected Mike and Connie would go for it one day, and they still hadn’t. When Erika Keller and Anna Mikhailova had filed their disclosure he could’ve sworn he’d needed to get his eyes checked, having heard the way the two of them could argue. Maybe he wasn’t the best judge of things. Because I’m looking for myself in other people. He leaned in his chair. He’d do the introspection later. For now, he’d do what he could to keep one of his bureau chiefs out of a public scandal. Besides, they were too far away. It could’ve been anybody’s curls bouncing in laughter, could’ve been anyone’s impeccable posture. He hoped.

He made a point that Monday around noon to personally stop by the junior office on your floor, but found only Nick Anderson (who, he remembered, he needed to talk to about a possible change of bureaus) with his head buried in a journal.

“Mr. McCoy,” he said as soon as he realized he wasn’t alone, snapping the book shut harder than he needed to. “What can I do for you?”

“Hi, Nick,” Jack said, a little disappointed that he’d roused the guy from what was clearly riveting reading. “I was just looking for Caroline.”

Anderson’s face fell. Evidently, he was used to that line of inquiry. Poor guy. McCoy remembered the days when he’d given the least helpful junior ADAs piles of nothing to keep them out of his hair. No obvious changes, Jack noticed as he looked around your side of the office. No notes or photos or out-of-the-ordinary gifts. Though, someone needs to show this woman the value of an organized space, he thought. It’d be hard to notice anything among the pile of papers.

“Mr. McCoy?” he heard Anderson say.

“Yeah?” he replied, somewhat irritated.

“Oh um,” he said, what little confidence he had faltering. “I just said she was in Ms. Cabot’s office, sir.”

Jack’s stomach dropped. That may as well be “step one” in the old Jack McCoy playbook, get her in your space as often as possible. Oh come on, Jack. She’s her boss. They’re probably going over witness statements. Right. And how many witness statements did Sally and I review together while I was still going home to Ellen? He swallowed. “Thank you. And you don’t need to ‘sir’ me anymore. You’ve earned your desk.”

“Yes s-- got it, Mr. McCoy.” Anderson returned to his book. Jack continued down the hall.

---

“You really think she’s being honest?” Alex’s question was audible through her slightly-open door.

“She’s our witness!” you said, matching her tone. Somehow, the mood in the office was light even in your disagreement.

“Witnesses lie,” Jack said, surprising the both of you as he nudged his way in the room.

“When it’s in their best interest,” you said, acknowledging him with a nod in his direction. Jack liked how you didn’t let etiquette get in the way of your arguments. “Alex,” you said, pointing your gaze at her. I know that look. “What good does it do her to lie about who she was with?”

Alex fired right back at you, not bringing McCoy into the conversation. “She avoids embarrassment? Guilt? Fear? I’m not putting her on the stand unless we can verify her testimony.”

“Then we’re looking at an acquittal,” you said dryly.

“Because I won’t suborn perjury? O ye of little faith,” Alex responded. Jack caught a playful lilt in her voice. He was liking this less and less with each piece of evidence he uncovered.

“Do you know for certain she’s lying?” Jack said, breaking the intensity in the room.

“No, but--” Alex said.

“Exactly--” you said at the same time.

“Are you certain she’s telling the truth?” He asked. “This is People v Buckman?” he clarified. Alex nodded. You pushed an offending curl out of your eyes. “I would probably put her on the stand,” you smirked, “and when defense -it’s Elsie Campbell, right?- I’d have no recourse when defense tears her story to pieces.” You shrugged, never minding being the first to concede defeat.

“I’ll see if Detective Rollins is up for a coffee break,” you said, grabbing your phone and attache, but, Jack noticed, leaving your cardigan hanging on the extra hook. “Sometimes I wish I’d stayed in California,” you said, “reciprocal discovery would be pretty sweet.”

“Ouch,” Alex said as you walked out of the office. You waved a hand over your shoulder.

“Did you need something, Jack?” Alex asked, glad she’d known him long enough to be casual.

“Nothing,” he lied, and when she looked puzzled, said, “I was actually checking on the Buckman case.”

“I’m in no need of supervision,” Alex said under her breath. “Anything else I can clarify for you?”

Tell me I’m wrong about this, he thought. “No,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve got it under control.”

---

Of course, if Jack McCoy had been a more athletically inclined man, he may have run into you and Casey in the park two days before the restaurant, cooling down from the 5 and a half miles you’d done. He may have seen you tug on the hem of Casey’s tank top, seen her whisper something in your ear that made you blush and laugh, he may have caught the split second her lips met your jawline, seen the two of you heading off for the subway together.

And if he’d seen that first he may have tried to convince himself that it was another red ponytail and another person’s graceful lines. That there were so many people who jogged in that park, that it couldn't have been you.

He would’ve made a point to stop by the juniors’ office, maybe earlier in the day. Nick Anderson would’ve told him you were in Casey’s office and his stomach would’ve dropped. That may as well be “step one” in the old Jack McCoy playbook, get her in your space as often as possible. Oh come on, Jack. She’s her boss. They’re probably preparing for an admissibility hearing. He’d remind himself to schedule a meeting with Anderson for the end of the week.

He’d continue down the hall to find you and Casey sitting together, wordlessly handing one another documents highlighted in different colors. He’d remember the last time he was that in sync with an assistant and an undeniable flutter of recognition would’ve hit him.

But he hadn’t been in the park.

---

Your phone buzzed on the counter. You dried your hands quickly on the dishtowel, you turned off the tap. In the living room, Ashley was gathering the toys and books scattered about. Ramin was late at the office.

1 new message from: Alex to: you, Casey:

Alex: I just had quite the meeting with Jack.

---

“You wanted to see me, Jack?” Alex said, entering his office after most of the lawyers had gone home or

retreated to their own offices for the night.

“Actually, I’d really rather I didn’t need to,” he said. Alex’s concern showed on her face.

“Is this about the Buckman case? I know it’s going to be extra time to look into her statement,

but I really think this could be a break in the case, if she’s telling the truth or lying, so I thought it was justified. I could probably still make the argument without her, but it feels worth it--”

“No, the case is fine. Besides, it’s your case. I-- Alex we need to talk about… it’s maybe a more personal issue,” Jack said, shifting his hands’ position on the desk in front of him.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Are you speaking as my boss or as my friend?” Jack melted, remembering that they were friends, and that he could approach the topic as a friend. Though, usually, he wouldn’t have to confront a friend about their romantic life. Or if he did, it wouldn’t have professional repercussions. Electoral repercussions, he heard a younger, more emotional version of himself say to Adam Schiff 20 years ago. Sorry, Adam.

“Both, I hope, now that you mention it.”

Alex paused a moment, considering what to say. She had an idea what Jack was getting at, but no idea how he had come to that conclusion. He probably has some kind of sixth sense, she thought. “Start as my boss.”

Jack took a deep breath. “OK. I’ll tell you something Adam Schiff told me when I was in your position,”

Alex felt the need to stop him, to find out exactly what he thought he knew. “Wait. Before you reprimand me. What position am I in? What do you think I’m doing?”

“Jesus, Alex. What do you think you’re doing?” he asked. She didn’t answer him. “You’re having an affair with Caroline Haley.” He wasn’t asking her a question, and the disappointment in his voice was wounding. Alex took a deep breath. “You’re not going to deny it?”

“What makes you think we’re having an affair?” She was determined to out-wit him, get him to show her all his evidence before letting go of anything he was unaware of. Under New York law it is the prosecution’s responsibility to disclose any exculpatory evidence, she thought. And a lawyer who represents herself still has a fool for a client.

Jack looked at her blankly. Was she really going to make him spell it out? Well, he’d missed presenting cases. “I’ve noticed that she spends a lot more time in your office than her own,” he started. Alex’s poker face remained unchanged. “Your conversational style is, quite, amiable, ah,”

She couldn’t suppress a smile, then, biting back a laugh. “My apologies,” she said. “All you have as proof of this alleged affair is friendly conversation and spending time together?”

Jack tried to play into her humor. “I’ll remind you Ms. Novak Cabot,” he said, using her married name to see if it got a reaction (no luck), “that adultery is still a class B misdemeanor in the state of New York.”

Alex snatched that opportunity. He opened the door, your honor. “And how many three-month stays do you owe the good people of New York, Mr. McCoy?” He looked caught-out. The upper hand was hers. “Are you sure you’re not just seeing your old habits?”

“You know, it’s funny you should say that. Because after this coming election, I was going to ask you to be my EADA. But you know I can’t do that if there is even the slightest appearance of impropriety.”

“So this is about election results? You and I both know my patience for politics is--”

“Limited, yes. But don’t tell me you’re not the slightest bit interested.”

“I’d have to think about it, Jack,” she said honestly. It seemed to surprise him, which didn’t surprise her. He seemed to forget, often, that she’d arguably done much more important work (and he seemed to forget that Tracey Kibre had turned down the same position more than once, that some people enjoyed seeing their partners and the insides of their apartments every once in a while). “But that’s not why you wanted to talk to me, and you’ve yet to convince me that you have any idea about any affair.”

“Where were you last Friday evening?” Jack asked her, in full cross-examination confidence.

Alex flinched, her first misstep since she’d come in. She wasn’t going to out-right lie to him if disguising the truth would do. However he knew this (if he knew anything), she had no way of knowing how much he knew. “I had dinner with Caroline at a restaurant near her apartment in Brooklyn.”

“A working dinner?”

“I can’t be friends with my colleague?”

“Trilogy isn’t a particularly platonic place as far as I know,”

“You spied on me outside of work?”

“I happened to be there,” Jack said. Alex rolled her shoulders back, trying to let go of some of the anger she had at what felt like an invasion of her privacy, even if it had been public. “I saw her kiss you, Alex. I know.” Alex didn’t answer him. Jack, uncomfortable with the silence, said “I really do understand. I sympathize with what you’re going through, I know it isn’t easy.”

Her frustration gathered itself in her cold fingertips that she realized were gripping the arms of her chair, hard. “Actually, you don’t understand,” she said, quietly, as politely as she could. “You have an incomplete picture of the nature of our relationship.” Jack opened his mouth to argue. “I won’t say any more,” Alex said, certain, “except that Caroline has done absolutely nothing wrong, and if you go after her about any of this, you will have my resignation.” Jack nodded.

“You understand how something like this could look to the public? You understand that your position is at stake?”

“I understand.”

“I mean, just the power dynamic alone, disregarding the infidelity, and I hate to say it, but you know how rampant homophobia still is.” She clenched her jaw, but she didn’t look guilty.

“I know. Now, I’d like you to be my friend for a moment,” she said. “Please.”

He smiled weakly.

“As your friend, I’d tell you not to cheat on your wife,” Jack said. Alex looked serene.

“I won’t,” she said, rising from her seat. “Goodnight, Jack.” She left faster than he could return the sentiment. He’d hoped he had more comforting things to say. And he wanted to know what on earth she’d meant by “the nature” of their relationship. He trusted she’d take extra care now that she knew he knew. It was not going to be a fun secret to keep.

---

She didn’t tell you what the meeting was about, so you knew it couldn’t have gone well. Quite the meeting. You hoped it wasn’t what you thought it was. You said you’d be there soon. You moved through the apartment quickly, leaving the last of the dishes in the sink, snagging your keys off the hook, tossing them along with your phone into your backpack.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Ashley asked. You knew he’d been looking forward to catching up on episodes of The Bachelor, and you did hate to disappoint him. You looked up from tying your shoes.

“Alex and Casey’s,” you said. His shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you.” He rolled his eyes. “What?” you asked. “You can watch without me, you know, I don’t mind.”

“I don’t care about the show,” he said, returning to his tidying.

You stood up, crossing your arms. “Something you want to say?” He shrugged.

“No, no. Go have fun,” he said.

“I don’t think it’s going to be a whole lot of fun,” you said, trying to keep the worry buried. “Alex texted, she said that Jack had called her into his office this evening over something.”

“That surprises you?” Ashley said, his voice high-pitched.

You looked at him with your eyes wide. “I’m sorry?” you said, resisting the urge to raise your voice.

“What did you think was going to happen, Caroline?” he said, with a patronizing look that made your stomach turn.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” you said. Two could play at passive aggression.

Ashley laughed bitterly. “I mean, did you not think twice before risking your job, everything you’ve worked towards to be what, the third wheel in a relationship that existed far before you came across it?”

“Ashley,” you warned him.

“I thought you were trying to work on the self-sabotage, I mean, you’ve never even been in a relationship before,”

“That’s not exactly true,” you said. You were starting to feel nauseous. He knew you well enough to know that he was pushing right on all your insecurities.

“That lasted more than a couple months, then, which is hardly anything.”

“I think we’ve gone over that a couple times-- Just because you’re so morally invested in monogamy doesn’t mean it’s for everyone--”

“You really want to be the girl who sleeps with the boss? No, sorry, the girl who sleeps with both of the bosses?”

“It’s-- wow. Tell me how you really feel.”

It was quiet for a moment as the two of you dared the other person to talk first.

“I just don’t think you’re making the best decision,” he said.

“I thought you were happy for me,” you replied, and walked out the door.

---

You didn’t usually ride your bike after dark. It felt right, though, as you went, releasing your nervous (and sad, and angry) energy out through the pedals. Your arms came up in goosebumps, from the chill in the air or the trepidation in your spine. It started to rain.

---

You and Alex arrived almost simultaneously. She was accepting a cup of tea that Casey was offering her when you came in. You were a walking cliché with your hair stuck to the side of your face, shivering. “Hi,” you said, shakily. You hadn’t quite been crying. The insecure part of you felt small, out of place, intrusive: they had this cozy, tidy, warm apartment, mugs of hot tea in their hands; and you were shattering it with the chaos that followed in the wake of your personal life. You were being so selfish, so inconsiderate, bringing your own emotional baggage with you despite Alex being the one having a hard time. For a split second you thought about leaving with no explanation, dashing out almost as soon as you shut the door. Casey held up a mug for you. It was one of a matching set of three.

“Jack thinks we’re having an affair,” Alex said, matter-of-fact, as you slipped out of your shoes and made your way to the counter Casey was leaning against. Alex was pacing, slowly, how she often did when she was figuring something out. You took a sip of your tea, grateful for the warmth, then set it on the counter and rested your head on Casey’s shoulder. She jumped and you laughed, the relief spreading through you. She squirmed as you pressed closer, letting out a squeak at the feeling. You let her go, listening to the quiet creaking of the floor.

“Which us?” you asked, matching the seriousness of the subject again. “All of us?”

“Just you and I,” Alex said.

“How did he come to that conclusion?” Casey asked, knowing there were equal cases to be made for any combination.

Alex stopped moving, pushing herself up to sit on the counter opposite to you. “To begin, he was apparently at Trilogy last Friday night.” The goosebumps threatened to make a repeat appearance. This was your fault.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, your eyes lost in your teacup. “I was reckless.” Out of the corner of your eye, you felt Apollo the duck stare at you accusingly with the stone cold eyes he didn’t have.

“Don’t be sorry. I was there too,” Alex said, meeting your gaze as you looked up. “He didn’t stick around long enough to see Casey.”

“What did you end up telling him?” Casey asked, letting herself be the problem-solver for the night.

“Very little,” she said. “He doesn’t have the complete story. That he should hold off on any judgements unless and until he did.”

“Did it work?” you asked.

“Well enough, I think. You don’t need to worry about your job. I threatened him with my resignation if he said a word to you about it.” Your heart beat faster. Sacrifices for your sake, or the offer of them, made you uneasy.

“You don’t have to put your career on the line for me,” you said, the same shaky tone edging into your voice again. Alex blinked at you, like it was no big deal, like it was the obvious choice. Casey traced circles on your shoulder blade.

“Nobody’s career is at risk, Caroline,” Casey said. “Honestly, imagine the kind of headlines that would break if Jack McCoy fired someone for adultery.”

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Alex said, “Jack’s disapproval right now, or how he might react if we just told him what’s going on. He made it clear his objection had more to do with poll numbers than morality.” Ashley’s words echoed in your head. You really want to be the girl who sleeps with the boss-- both of the bosses? Your fear must have been more obvious than you intended. “What’s wrong?” Alex asked you.

You swallowed. “It’s nothing,” you said, stopping yourself from spilling every anxious thought that came to you. “I’m fine. It’ll be fine,” you said, a real smile making its way out of you. You held your hand out for Alex’s and squeezed. She slid off the counter, letting herself be pulled in, letting whatever you weren’t saying stay unsaid for that moment. She also jumped when she first felt your wet clothes against her skin.

“Now, let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” she said. Your mouth was open in amusement as she started off down the hall. You began to follow but Casey stopped you briefly, hooking her ring finger into your belt loop.

“Whatever he said, it isn’t true,” she said, starting to run her warm hands underneath your shirt.

“How did you,” you said, feeling seen. “I didn’t say anything about it.”

“Give me some credit,” she said then kissed you gently, her body warming yours. “I’m very perceptive.” She gripped the bunched-up body of your t-shirt and you slipped your head through the top. Casey placed her palms against your ribs, holding you steady.

“Thank you,” you said, deep and low, as you kissed her again. The two of you, now almost equally damp, joined Alex. Six hands moved slowly, purposefully. Nothing felt desperate, fleeting. Only warmth filled you.

---

taglist: (I'm tagging a couple of my moots who aren’t on the taglist, let me know if you’d prefer I didn’t!)

@addictedtodinosaurs @nocreditinthestraightworld @cmmndrwidw @hi-i-1 @lesbianologist @readerhermit @@alexlivdoncas @laezzzi @imaginaryoperagloves (thank you for your help!!) @swimmingstudentchaos891

#Alex cabot #casey novak #calex #casey x Alex #calex x eader #Alex cabot x reader #casey Novak x reader #not a summer crush #law & order: svu #svu #svu fanfic #jack mccoy #this was the most fun I’ve had with this fic since ch. 3 lmao #comment on ao3 if you love me #Oh emi never stop posting fics at 2 am #also: I kind of hate the last line of this so. Enjoy #this should be the second to last chapter I think? #The girls r fighting tho :( by which I mean ash and Caroline

[pogues-never-say-die]

An Evening I Will Not Forget

There’s not enough Rudy fics on here so I wrote one myself. Who’s ready for a Rudy x High School Sweetheart piece?

Also can you tell I have a real lady boner for Dermot Kennedy? His lyrics are just pure poetry and this song just screamed “Alaska Rudy” to me. This one is based off An Evening I Will Not Forget by Dermot Kennedy. Every version of this song is beautiful but personal favorite is the NPR Tiny Desk rendition - you can listen to that here (I even fast forwarded it for you)

CHARACTERS: Rudy Pankow x (High School Sweetheart) Reader

WARNINGS: smut (at the very end so if it makes you uncomfy you can skip), angst, fluff, a bunch of curse words

LENGTH: 6.2k, I couldn’t stop ya’ll

An Evening I Will Not Forget

When love was found

I kept my hope just like I'd hoped to

Then sang to the sea for feelings deep blue

And coming down

And we've had problems that we've grown through

But I bet you dream of what you could do

“Rudy’s coming,” You don’t know why Ellen chose to tell you this while you were chopping limes for the inevitable tequila shots later. The knife almost slips right from your hand.

“I’m sorry what? I didn’t even know he was home.”

“Yeah, umm Steven picked him up from the airport and told him about tonight. He texted Derrick and asked if it was cool with you if he came.” Ellen’s tone is casual but you can tell she’s very excited. She’s always rooted for you and Rudy from day one.

“Well what did Derrick say?” You don’t bother looking up from your task, you’re afraid with how much your hands are shaking that you’ll cut a finger off if you look up.

“He said it was cool,” God if she wasn’t pregnant you could strangle her for that smirk on her face. “It’s cool right?”

“Does it matter what I say at this point?”

“Not really,” she says getting up from her stool to come kiss your cheek. “I love you, tonight is gonna be fun!”

“Yeah yeah yeah, now leave me alone before I cut you with this.”

“You would never do that to me or your future goddaughter,” she gasps heading out the back door.

Rudy is coming. Here. To your house. When you and Ellen planned this party the second quarantine was lifted, Rudy attending didn’t even cross your mind. Even though it was essentially serving as a high school reunion, you figured he was too busy being all famous in Hollywood to come home. Ever since Outer Banks came out he’d been the talk of the town, and even from your studio all the way in Manhattan you’d heard everything they were saying about him in Ketchikan.

You couldn’t even deny it, you’d watched Outer Banks half a dozen times by now. Once COVID-19 hit NYC you packed your bags and caught the first flight out to Alaska, knowing quarantining out here would be a lot easier than being stuck in the Big Apple on lockdown. With your parents stuck in Florida, you had the house to yourself. That meant no one could judge you as you watched it over and over again, crying pretty much every 30 seconds.

You weren’t crying out of sadness though, just the opposite. You were so fucking proud of Rudy. This was his dream, for as long as you could remember acting was his big “What if”. “What if I did it?” “What if I just tried?” Seeing his eyes as deep and as blue as the Alaskan sea on your TV felt like all of the “What if’s” were worth it. A small part of you was also very petty and happy that him leaving you wasn’t all for nothing.

Knowing he was about to be here, in your house, was starting to fill your chest with dread and anxiety. What if he doesn’t speak to you? Or even worse, what if he does? What if he brings a girl? God are you even ready for that.

You put the knife down and grip the counter with both hands. You’d always hoped you guys would find each other again some day but you weren’t prepared for today to be the day.

Deep breath, deep breath. It’s just Rudy. The blonde shaggy haired kid you’d known since kindergarten. Oh and also your first boyfriend, the guy who took your virginity and the only person you’ve ever truly loved. No big deal at all.

You’re both older, wiser. You’ve grown up. You’re real adults now. You have your own health insurance for Christ's sake. It’s just Rudy. Just Rudy. No big deal. No big deal at all.

Right?

At seventeen, I was alright

Was like nothing I could feel inside

And wishing you were here tonight is like holding on

But I still get to see your face, right?

And that's like nothing they can take, right?

So there won't be no feeling in the firelight

Hoping this'll be right

Time to show your worth, child

Rudy was glad you were inside and couldn’t see him panicking as he sat with Steven in the driveway.

“Dude why are you freaking out? It’s just Y/N.”

“I haven’t seen her in 4 years man, are you sure she evem wants me here?” Rudy was terrified of ambushing you at your house. He missed you like crazy but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“Derrick said it was fine!” Steven argued back, just ready to get inside and get drinking.

“Wait you didn’t talk to her? Jesus fuck dude you know Derrick didn’t either. Fuck I’m so fucked.” Rudy wanted to see you so bad but now he was losing his mind. It’s been a long 4 years.

“Rudy if you don’t fucking get out of the truck I will bring her out here and have her do it. Just think about it, no matter what you get to see her! You get to look at her face in person instead of creepy stalking her on Instagram like we both know you do.”

“Fine fuck.”

As Rudy got out of his truck and climbed your driveway, a feeling of nostalgia came over him. This driveway - he used to sit in it every morning as he picked you up for school. You guys were late almost every day because you could never choose an outfit but he didn’t care.

When he approached the front porch more memories flooded his brain and it was starting to become painful. Right here on this porch is where he kissed you for the first time. He was only 15 when he planted one on you under the porch light, it was clumsy and awkward but still one of his favorite memories.

Walking behind Steven and through the front door, he felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. Everything in your house was still the same. The couch where you guys made love for the first time was still right there, pushed up against the living room wall. All of your guys’ prom pictures were still on the mantle with the rest of your family's memories. Except now displayed front and center was a new picture - you at your Columbia graduation.

Looking at the picture of you holding your degree, Rudy was so fucking proud of you. Getting out of Alaska and going to Columbia had always been your dream. You made it to the big city and you graduated, even getting your dream job right out of college.

While he was admiring your picture, he heard a noise come from the kitchen. And even though there were about 50 people you guys went to high school with packing this house, he could pick that sound out from anywhere.

Taking a deep breath, Rudy turned around to see you sharing a laugh with Steven. God you looked radiant. Your hair was longer than before, darker too. It looked like you finally dyed it like you had always talked about. And your body...wow. Your curves were beautiful, you were a woman now. And if Rudy didn’t deserve you 4 years ago he sure as shit didn’t now. How is it possible that you got more stunning?

Luckily, Rudy had managed to pick his jaw up from the ground by the time you finished hugging Steven and had made eye contact with him from across the open floor plan house.

He saw the way your chest stopped moving, almost as if you had stopped breathing. Good, he wasn’t the only one.

Once he made eye contact with you, his body took control. He couldn’t stop walking towards you even if he wanted to.

I remember when her heart broke over stubborn shit

That's no way to be living, kid

The angel of death is ruthless

Seeing him knocked the breath right out of your chest. It also brought that night back to the forefront of your brain. You’d drank enough, smoked enough, but it was still there - consuming your thoughts like the plague. That night before he left had torn you to be pieces.

4 years ago

“You won’t even try?” The tears running down your face matched the rain outside - just falling with no abandon. There was a storm coming and nothing could stop it.

“It’s not that simple,” he says, sounding exhausted. It's been a long night of just going back and forth over this, but you’re not giving up so easily.

“It is that simple Rudy, it is. You’ve just made a choice without me. You decided I couldn’t handle long distance. You decided it wouldn’t work. You didn’t even talk to me about it. You just made a choice for both of us and frankly that’s bullshit.”

“What are we supposed to do huh?” He’s yelling now, in the 4 years you’ve been dating you’ve definitely had your share of blowouts but you’ve never heard him be this stubborn, so unmovable. “We are literally moving to opposite ends of the country. Do you know how far it is from LA to New York? 2,798 miles. I have it fucking memorized because I sat there and looked at it until my eyes went numb. What other choice do we have?”

“You can try Rudy, you fucking try,” the tears have made their way into your throat and into your chest, making you sound as weak as you felt. “We call, we text, we skype, we send a goddamn carrier pigeon.”

You can tell he’s mad at you for making him laugh even in the middle of a fight because his chuckle dies quickly.

“It’s just not that easy. So what, we’re just going to live digitally? Never see each other? Never touch?”

“It’s a shame they don’t have a giant metal fucking box that can get you from point a to point b rather quickly. Maybe something in the sky? I think it’s called an airplane, have you heard of it? I’m pretty sure the Wright brothers...” You know the snark isn’t necessary but it’s been hours of going back and forth and you’re reaching your breaking point.

“Fucking stop!” Rudy yells, cutting you off, slamming his fist into the steering wheel. He’s reached his breaking point too. “I don’t want to do this but I am. We’re done...there’s just too many variables.”

“After 4 years, I’m just a variable? Loving me is just a piece of the equation you can get rid of to make your life easier?”

“Baby no, that’s not..” He starts but you cut him off.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore. Have fun in LA Rudy, I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.” You say climbing out of his truck and sprinting through the Alaska rain into your house. You’re glad it’s dark so he can’t see through the bay window as you collapse into a ball on the floor.

An hour later when you finally drag yourself off the floor and into your room you check your phone and see a message is waiting.

You open to see an image and a text. The image? A selfie of his chest, where the word “Columbia” is spelled out in bold blue letters on a hoodie.

Him: I will always be proud of you and I will always love you.

Your response is simple but second nature. You’ve responded to his “I love you’s” the same way for 4 years.

Her: Love you always

Now

That was the last time you spoke. 4 years later watching him walk up to you felt like a fever dream.

“Hey Y/N.” It’s weird hearing Rudy sound nervous, he was never nervous.

“Hi Rudy, you look good.” You hate yourself for saying it but it’s true. He does look really good.

“You look...wow. Can I give you a hug?” Is this where we’re at? Asking for permission to touch?

“I’d be mad if you didn’t.” You say with a smile and the sound of his laughter makes your heart soar but also it breaks just a little.

The second his arms wrap around you it feels like home again. You both lean into each other for probably a little too long before you finally decide to untangle yourself.

“Umm, did you see Derrick is here?” Good job Y/N, way to break the tension. Smooth.

“Oh, yeah awesome. I was hoping he would come.”

“Yeah, him and Ellen are in the back.”

“Wait are they together?” He says shocked to hear their names next to each other. Derrick had been in love with Ellen since the 3rd grade. Rudy always joked he loved you longer though.

“Yeah, they’re actually engaged. Ellen’s pregnant too.” That one makes Rudy’s jaw drop.

“Are we at the age of having kids already?” He says following you into the kitchen to grab a beer. You grab two Bud Light’s out of the fridge, cracking them open on the edge of the counter. Your eyes don’t miss the way Rudy shifts in his spot a little, sucking up a breath - he always thought it was hot that you could do that.

“Hell no,” you laugh. “I can’t even keep a cactus alive let alone a human baby.”

“Wait you killed a cactus? Y/N those literally survive in Death Valley. Death Valley.”

You don’t bother to look to see if he’s following you out the door into the backyard, you can still hear him laughing about your cactus.

“It happens Rudy, cacti are very difficult to manage okay!”

The smirks on Ellen and Derrick’s faces are obvious as they watch you and Rudy walk out the back door together and grab chairs next to each other at the bonfire. Ellen winks at you while Rudy leans over to bro shake Derrick. He doesn’t see her wink but he does see you giving her the finger.

“What’s that about?” He says looking at you with curious eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” You reply, sticking your tongue out at Ellen making her giggle and rest her hands on her growing belly.

And I'm always thinking summertime with the bikes out

Pushing our luck, getting wiped out

Days with nothing but laughing loud

“Wait was that the first or second time you broke your wrist?” When Sarah asks that question you start to laugh, thinking about how many times Rudy has been injured.

“No that was number 3...I think?” Rudy responds, his eyes shine hearing you laugh at this conversation. He knows exactly how you feel about his accident prone-ness.

“How many times have you broken your wrist?”

“4” You and Rudy answer at the same, causing you both to laugh and another smirk to reach Ellen’s face.

“Seriously? What was the first time?”

Now you and Rudy are the ones smirking, thinking back to the first time he broke his wrist.

6 years ago

“Come on baby, just try.” Rudy was trying to get you to ride on the back of his dirt bike but it terrified you.

“I’m serious Rudy no,” You say, holding firm, keeping your arms crossed.

“I’ll go really slow, I promise.” He says from his spot leaned up against the bike. He grabs you by the waist and pulls you in between his legs.

“Would I ever let my favorite girl get hurt?” He asks, running kisses up and down your neck as your fingers make their way into his hair.

“No..” You stutter as his kisses on your neck get more aggressive. You know you’re going to have a mark tomorrow but you honestly don’t know if you care.

“Exactly my love. You’re always safe with me.” He punctuates that last word with a hard kiss to your lips and a slightly harder smack against your ass.

“Fine, fine but go slow okay.”

“I promise I will.”

Climbing onto the back of Rudy’s bike, you put on your helmet before wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Hold on tight okay?” Rudy says before putting his helmet on and starting the bike. You agree, wrapping your arms around his waist in an iron grip.

Rudy keeps his promise and goes slow, probably slower than he would’ve preferred, but his girl was on his bike so he didn’t care. He was happy.

After a couple of laps around his super large backyard, Rudy lets you off the bike first. But, as he goes to get off, the bike's muffler gets caught on the hem of his jeans and he falls over, the bike falling on top of him as he tries to catch himself with his hand.

You start to laugh before you hear him groaning in pain, running over you see him holding his wrist.

“Babe what the hell just happened?” You ask, pulling the bike off of him so he can sit up.

“Ahh fuck, I think I broke my wrist.” He was probably right on that conclusion, it was already bruising and beginning to swell.

Rudy doesn’t say much as you walk him to his truck, loading him into the passenger seat before you climb up into the driver's seat. After a few minutes of adjusting the seat (Rudy does have some pretty long legs) you head off to the ER.

Rudy doesn’t say much as you check in and find a seat in the waiting room. It’s pretty quiet in here so you hear Rudy’s small voice almost instantly.

“Hey babe,” He says from his spot leaning on your shoulder.

“Yeah honey?”

“If any of the guys ask, can you tell them I wiped out doing a sick trick?”

“Of course my love,” You say with a loud laugh, pressing a kiss into his hair as you wait for the nurse to call his name.

Now

“Wait, your pant leg got stuck? Dude you told me you were going like 60 and wiped out on a curve.”

“Oops,” You say with a smirk, pressing the beer to your lips as Rudy stutters to his friend. “I thought they knew.”

“Oh you little monster,” Rudy growls, getting up from his chair at the same time you start to run away.

You can’t see the smile on all your friends faces as Rudy chases you through the yard, grabbing you around the waist and picking you up. The sound of both of you laughing louder than ever fills the backyard. The dynamic duo was back together again and you don’t know who was happier - your friends or you.

Underneath my coat, won't you tap my shoulder, hold my hand?

Nights with nothing but dark in there

You could be my armour then

After the biking incident story, you and Rudy joined your friends again, sitting around the fire and sharing stories. And with every memory that came back, you found yourself moving closer and closer to Rudy until your chairs were right next to each other and your legs were in his lap.

His hands rubbed your calves through your leggings, remembering how much it soothed you. Meanwhile your hands were on his biceps, gripping his new (and bigger muscles) like you were afraid if you let go he would slip through your fingers again.

As the night got darker and the fire burned out, you all made your way closer to the house. Standing on the wrap around porch, Rudy leaned against the railing for only a brief second before he pulled you into his arms.

Being in Rudy’s arms again was like nothing ever changed. He was stronger, broader, his chest sturdier than before as it pressed against your back. But the way you felt was the same - like you were flying.

Standing there with your friends, Rudy wrapped around your back like armor, you felt untouchable.

“What’s going through that pretty head of yours?” He leans to whisper in your ear, you didn’t even notice your friends had been talking on the porch for ages, you zoned out the second he touched you though.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say with a smirk, looking up into his eyes. Did they get bluer somehow?

“I think you do.”

“It’s just chilly out here,” that was only a partial lie. It is very cold tonight but Rudy’s skin was lighting you on fire, you could never tell him though.

“Come here,” he says turning you around so you’re facing him. He wraps his arms around your back as yours circle around his back as well, tucking you into his jacket with your face against his chest.

As you snuggle in closer, your eyes close, just enjoying the moment. Rudy keeps talking to your friends but he keeps you pushed into his chest, refusing to let you move even just an inch.

They ask him about Hollywood, Outer Banks, if he has any celebrity numbers in his phone now. He’s trying to stay involved in the conversation but all he can think about is the feeling of your chest breathing against his, your skin touching his skin.

After a while all of your friends make their way inside but you and Rudy stay there on the porch, just pressed against each other.

It’s peaceful until..

“Hey bitches, SHOTS!” Hearing your high school friends rage inside brings you and Rudy out of your little bubble.

“Come on.” He whispers, grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers - sneaking you past the open back door and around the porch to the front.

The second he grabs your hand you know where he’s taking you. The swinging bench your parents installed on the front porch had always been your guys’ sanctuary.

Before you and Rudy got settled into the swing, you snuck through the front door and grabbed a blanket and a bottle of wine.

“My girl is a genius,” Rudy says as you return. He really hopes you didn’t hear him because he can’t believe he just slipped up and called you ‘my girl’. Tonight has been going so great, of course he was going to fuck it up.

“I mean I did graduate top of my class from Columbia, didn’t you hear?” You say with a wink before getting settled in next to him. You did hear the ‘my girl’ comment and you’re doing everything you can to not let it tear you apart from the inside.

You weren’t his girl, not anymore.

Island smiles and cardigans

The nights that we've been drinking in

We're here to help you kill all of this hurt that you've been harboring

Confessions should be better planned

Alone, that night, I'm surely damned

Run away, I'll understand

The party is still raging inside but it’s quiet on your front porch. Just you and Rudy, cuddled up on the porch swing, talking about nothing while you pass a bottle of wine back and forth.

As you cuddle into the cardigan Rudy grabbed you from his truck, you look up to see him smiling as he looks out into the Alaskan wilderness. He must have sensed your eyes on him because then he looks down at you.

“What?” He says with a laugh.

“Nothing, just looking at you.” You laugh back.

As you stare at each other, the smile slowly wipes from his face.

“What? What’s wrong?” Now you’re terrified you did something wrong to mess this up. This was the happiest you’ve felt in years, you don’t want to lose it now.

“I just...I wanted to think this through more.” He says back with a whisper.

“Think what through?”

“How I was going to tell you that I never stopped loving you.” That one caught you off guard.

“I’m sorry what?”

“I still love you Y/N. I never stopped. The past 4 years all I’ve done is think about you. I tried calling you a thousand times but it said your number was disconnected.” He tried calling you?

“Yeah I had to get a new phone like 3 months after I made it to New York. I got drunk and lost it,” You say with a laugh, trying to break the tension. You have no idea what to make of this whole situation. Rudy had been trying to get in contact with you? Wait. No. That realization made you get out of the porch swing and start walking towards the front yard.

“Wait, where are you going?” Of course Rudy wasn’t going to just let you run away.

“You don’t get to do this Rudy, this is bullshit. This is so unfair.”

“Y/N, I don’t…” He tried to cut you off but you were too pissed off to stop talking.

“No Rudy, no. ‘I tried calling you’? It’s the year 2020 Rudy, if you wanted to reach me you could. You know my social media accounts. Steven, Derrick, Ellen - they all had my phone number. You could have asked any of them. You knew where my dorm was freshman year,  you helped me pick it! You have my mom’s cell phone number for fucks sake. You don’t get to say you tried when you obviously didn’t.” You’re yelling at this point but you don’t even care anymore. Luckily you and Rudy were the only ones in the front yard.

“When I saw your number was disconnected I thought you did it because of me! I thought you were trying to move on.”

“Move on?” Yup, that one made you chuckle. “I never fucking moved on Rudy. It’s been you since kindergarten. How the hell was I supposed to move on?”

“So you never dated anyone else?” Rudy is honestly surprised you didn’t move on. You deserved to, you were a catch and he didn’t deserve you. How did another guy not swoop you up?

“I mean I dated - it’s not like I was celibate for the last 4 years. I had no issues getting men..or women for that matter. I mean it was college Rudy, I was getting it left and right..”

“Alright, alright I get it next point please.” You had to admit, seeing Rudy get angry when you talked about other people felt pretty good.

“My point is none of it was serious. It couldn’t be because you broke me. When you left me, I accepted that that was it for me. I tried to be in a relationship, a couple times but none of them compared to you.”

“Baby…” Hearing that word come out of Rudy’s made your heartbeat a thousand miles a minute. But it stopped completely when he grabbed your face with both of his hands.

“I can’t do this Rudy, you’re just going to leave me again.”

“I’m not baby. I’m not,” He says wiping the tears as they stream down your face. “I came back here for you. I saw you post on Instagram that you were home and I bought the first flight that I could. I knew I had to come back and fight for you.”

“I don’t know Rudy, I just don’t know.”

What's important is this evening I will not forget

Purple, blue, orange, red

These colors of feeling, give me love, I'll put my heart in it

And I think about it all the time

Lights went out, you were fine

You kinda struggle not to shine

By the time you and Rudy were done fighting the party had long died out. Everyone was either home or asleep in your basement, giving you and Rudy some privacy as you sat in your bedroom.

Rudy was being careful to give you space, sitting all the way across your bedroom on your bed while you sat in the window seat, just watching the sunrise.

“I forgot how gorgeous the sunrise is here,” Rudy said, finally breaking the silence.

“What? The sun doesn’t rise in LA?” You respond, still not taking your eyes off the horizon.

You hear the squeak of your bed as Rudy heaves himself off of it and makes his way over to you. He sits opposite you on the window seat, stretching his long legs out so they come all the way to your hip.

“It does but not like this.” He whispers, not wanting to ruin the peace of this moment. “You have to drive all the way out to the beach just to even be able to see the sun rise through all the smog. What about you? How are the sun rises in the Big Apple?”

“When you have a 5th floor walk up in downtown Manhattan you don’t get to see a lot of sunrises or sunsets for that matter. Sometimes though, you can see it reflect off the buildings like a giant, beautiful mirror.”

“Do you miss New York?”

“A little. I miss a lot of things more though.” You say with a sigh.

“Like what?” He asks, moving your sock covered feet into his lap. He can’t help but admire that even at 22 you still wear cartoon socks, he always thought it was adorable.

“Do I have to say it?” You say with a whisper. Maybe if you say it quietly enough he won’t hear you.

“I really wish you would.” He whispers back.

“I miss you, a lot.” He doesn’t know why you’re still whispering but even hearing you quietly say those words has made his heart go wild.

“But also, you broke me Rudy. You utterly and completely shattered me. I’m not the same girl that got out of that truck 4 years ago. When I moved to New York it was like a part of me was gone. It took a long time for me to feel normal again.”

“I get that, me too.”

“No Rudy, no you don’t get that,” You yell back. Getting up from the window seat you start pacing like you do every time you’re nervous, it helps your brain think. “Are you forgetting we still had each other on social media? I’m in New York crying my eyes out and I see you all over snapchat - sneaking into clubs in LA and going to rooftop parties. Do you know how much that hurts?”

“Y/N, I…” Rudy doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t think about how his partying would hurt you. He was just self medicating, trying to live the LA life and not think about how much he had royally fucked up.

“I’m not the same person anymore Rudy. And that’s because of you. And you don’t get to come back here and pretend like you didn’t destroy me.”

“I don’t want to pretend like it didn’t happen Y/N”. That one really knocked you off guard. As Rudy approached you and grabbed your face he got you to stop pacing.

“I don’t want to move backwards, I want to move forwards.” He said with a one hand grip on your chin, the other hand on your waist.

“I don’t understand…” Looking into Rudy’s eyes you can see the moisture swimming in the corners, making them look bluer than ever.

“I don’t want to pretend like it didn’t happen. It did, it’s part of our history. And honestly, if I could take it back I probably wouldn’t. Because you and I needed to grow up. We needed to experience the world outside of Ketchikan. We needed to be our own people without each other. And now that we’ve done that, we can come back together. For real.”

Turning around, too scared to keep looking Rudy in the eyes, you watch the sun fully peak above the horizon, filling the sky with some of the most beautiful colors you have ever seen. Hues of purple, orange, yellow, blue and red take over everything you see.

“It’s beautiful,” You whisper as Rudy’s arms find their way around your waist from behind.

“It really is, it’s the start of a new day.”

“A new day.” And with that realization that it is a new day, a new time - you turn around so fast that it catches Rudy off guard a little. Slamming your lips into his, Rudy catches up real quick. I mean come on, he’s only been dreaming about this moment for 4 fucking years.

Rudy let’s it all be under your control, your terms. He waits for you to walk him over to the bed and push him down, straddling him as your tongue relearns the taste of his mouth.

As you grind your hips into his, Rudy has to break away from your mouth to moan. You take that opportunity to run your lips down his jawline and to his neck, sucking a bruise into the area as your hands make their way under his shirt and start pushing it up.

“Baby baby baby, wait wait wait…” Rudy says out of breath, his pupils blown out as you make eye contact with him. All of a sudden you’re very self conscious.

“Wait...do you...do you not want this?” Rudy’s heart breaks at how nervous you sound.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I want this, of course I do…” He says running his hands through your hair. “I just want to make sure you do. I didn’t come here for this. So I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.”

He’s such a gentleman that it simultaneously pisses you off a little while also making you incredibly turned on.

“Rudy, let me put it this way…” You say, learning down to suck on his ear before whispering into it. “If you don’t make me cum right now, I’m more than happy to handle it myself.”

“Oh you little minx.”

I still love you, though

I still love you, though

I still love you always

So hold me when I'm home, keep the evenings long

Let's not crack and break and part ways

It’s for real, it’s for real.

Making love with Rudy was different now. Both of your bodies had changed and matured but that’s not what was different. The feelings, the emotions were stronger.

“Baby please,” he says with a whine as he hovers above you, still slowly thrusting into you like he wants this moment to last forever. “Please cum, please.”

“I’m so close, I’m right there.” Running your fingers down his back you know he’s going to have scratches tomorrow but you don’t care. You don’t care about anything other than the way he’s perfectly filling you up. You’ve been empty for so long that you never want this feeling to end.

“Look at me,” his voice is commanding now. You open your eyes just in time to see his hand snake down in between your bodies as his other keeps him propped up above you. “I love you. I love you so much. Cum for me baby, please. Cum for me.”

Between his begging, his perfect rhythm, and his fingers rubbing circles on your clit, you fall apart. Rudy isn’t far behind you as you feel his hips stutter and you’re filled with warmth.

Once you both finish riding out your orgasms he doesn’t pull out, you two stay connected as he collapses on top of you.

“Did you mean it?” You whisper combing your fingers through his hair.

“I’m literally still inside of you, do you really want to talk about this right now?” He says with a laugh, making you shake from the way your bodies are still connected.

“Well you could pull out.”

“We both know that’s not happening anytime soon,” There’s that classic Rudy smirk. “Of course I meant it. We said ‘always’ right?”

“Don’t do this to me Rudy,” You can feel the tears building in your eyes. God could anything be more embarrassing then crying in front of the boy you love while his cock is still in you? “Don’t say something you don’t mean”.

“I mean it, I’ve always meant it, I’ll always mean it,” He says, punctuating each part with a kiss on your face. You whine as he pulls out of you, the emptiness in your body and your heart growing again.

You expect him to get up and leave but instead he sits up against the headboard, pulling your naked body into his lap so you’re straddling him, nowhere to look but directly into the blue abyss.

“We’re older now. Smarter. You have money, I have money, we can fly to see each other every weekend if we have to. You can come stay with me on set and I can come stay with you in New York when I have breaks. We can do this, for real this time. Two adults, in love. I want to do this.”

You don’t know if it’s your previous orgasm or his words that knock the air out of your chest.

“For real?” You ask, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“For real.”

“I still love you” he whispers into your lips.

“I still love you always”.

TAGLIST: @tangledinsparkles​ @iamaunicorn4704 @devil-in-those-eyes @spilledtee

#rudy x reader #rudy pankow #jj outer banks #jj maybank #outer banks imagine #rudy pankow x you #obx imagine #jj imagine #rudy imagine #original writing #dermot kennedy #music #playlist #obx smut #smut #rudy pankow smut

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

Seven Nights in Cabin Thirteen

I’m inspired by another post I saw here that I didn’t wish to hijack lol, and OP deactivated or else I’d link their account here. credits to @the-ghost-king for the idea of a demigod therapy/Will being a past drug addict on this post. Yes this is a bad fic. It’s also my first fic ever. Please criticize if you see anything

Will never thought that he would ever appreciate his first monster attack. He was seven years old, and in hindsight his teacher probably only worked there to prey on young demigods (at least, that’s why he suspects the attack happened so early in his life compared to other demigods). But when Lee Fletcher sat him down 4 years later and told him that he was trans and would now be known as Lee instead of his birth name, Will knew that everything happened for a reason.

After many conversations with Lee about how he knew (gods bless that man’s patience) and with an older Athena camper who’s special interest dealt in psychology, Will realized the reason that he always felt disconnected from his mom and sisters in Austin was because he was like Lee. He was a boy.

Telling people wasn’t easy. Of course his older brother had to know; he was the one who introduced Will to this concept. Telling the rest of camp was as easy as telling Chiron, who told Dionysus, who always threatened to turn anyone into a dolphin if they talked shit about any trans kid. Telling his mom... that had to be the hardest part. How was he supposed to tell them? The only similarities they all had were that they were all musically inclined and that they were all girls.

Apparently, Will forgot that Naomi Solace was a musician. The music industry has more queers than an all girl’s school GSA. Her only questions were “Alright, what’s your name then, kiddo?” and “When do you want to set up an appointment with a therapist?” As for his siblings, well, let’s just say the oldest, Frankie, always knew. And it didn’t take long for seven-year-old Mickey to cut her doll-that-somehow-looked-exactly-like-Will’s hair and change his notes from high to low when she accompanied his singing on violin, as part of voice training.

Four years has passed since then and Will can hardly believe it. He’s stealth back at Austin because it’s just easier that way, but since a quarter of the camp knew him since he was seven, he figured there was no point; it isn’t like anyone treated him as though he wasn’t a man-- er, boy-- at camp anyways. So, life went on. He got his period for the first time during the Battle of Manhattan, that was no fun, but luckily Thalia was cool about it and made sure not to tell anyone. He started binding shortly afterwards, got a couple bruises hear and there. Kayla yelled at him for a week for that one, he remembers fondly. Discovered why it’s better to take off your contacts in the shower... that day isn’t such a fond memory. That was the first and last time he ever made himself bleed. Although, he will say that’s what sparked his interest in medicine and what made him the best doctor Camp Half Blood had seen in decades at the mere age of 15 years old. Life at camp was good, if a bit dull. He got used to the routine and the constant influx of damaged campers, the siblings and friends, and the always-perfect Texas Barbecue and Coke.

That is, until the War Between the Camps happened. Lou Ellen woke Will up before sundown that day and told him their plan. They were to hide in the tall grasses and wait for Camp Jupiter to show their ugly faces. Cecil had the genius idea to paint their faces and arms black so they’d blend into the night better, and Will supposes in the hubub of everything they forgot that his hair nearly (”nearly”) glows, even at night. Until Mr. Nico “I’m so smart, I nearly killed myself shadow travelling” di Angelo pointed it out. Whatever, it made sense at the time. They won the war against Gaea, not without sacrifice, and they finally, finally got past all the wars and destruction and health issues that they were able to just hang out and get to know each other as friends.

And boy, was their friendship amazing. Nico had the best taste in music from Will’s eyes, and that’s saying something because Will is a music snob. Nico could be a little stubborn at times, but that’s alright because so was Will (”Gods damn it, Nico, if you don’t take your medication right this second I will-” “You’ll what? Hm? You’ll force it down my throat? Last I checked that was abuse.”). They fit together so perfectly and became fast friends.

It wasn’t always sunshine and lollipops, though. What is, for a demigod? Will relapsed once and passed out right in front of Nico’s cabin. He was crashing from an exciting high that he hadn’t experienced in so long, and he felt so tired and ashamed of himself. Methamphetamine was a goddamned bitch, so while he was coming out of withdrawals, he made Nico promise not to let him leave the cabin for a week were simmering down. He had to make sure something like this never happened again. They Iris Messaged  Chiron and explained the situation, and he understood. He made sure to contact the older son of Dionysus who had been Will’s therapist in the past and said what had happened and they agreed on a session for soon after Will got mostly over his cravings.

So now they had a week of downtime together. Awesome.

“Solace, do you need anything? Are you okay?” Nico asked towards the end of the first full day that withdrawals were over.

“I’m-- fuck. I’m fine. I swear.” He responded unconvincingly.

“That’s not what you said last night... no offense, but I’m not fully inclined to believe you when you look like shit.”

“It- It... it’s not something I’d like to talk about, if that’s alright. And... don’t tell Clarisse, please.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, don’t worry. But I would like to know if this is going to be a common occ--” Before he could even finish asking, Will was already shaking his head and responding.

“One-time thing only, I promise. Gods, I’m sorry I showed up here at all.”

“Woah, buddy. That’s not what I was saying at all. You’re my best friend, I’m glad you came here.” Will almost couldn’t believe what Nico was saying. Then again, did Nico have very many friends? Nico himself certainly didn’t seem to think so. “In any case, you don’t have to explain what happened, or what led up to this, or anything like that. I don't need to know. What I do need you to do, however, is take a shower. I’m sorry to say so, but you smell like ass.”

“Yeah well, I’m…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. How do you explain to someone that he still wanted his drugs, and he didn’t want to leave the cabin because he knew he would leave to go find some before he would even think about going to his own cabin at this point.

“You don’t have to leave,” Nico said, perhaps sensing his agitation. “I have a shower in the cabin.”

“What the fuck do you mean you have a shower in the cabin?” The shock of this knowledge get him out of his stuck mind. “How did you get plumbing in here? How did Chiron allow this?”

“I helped design my cabin, and while I may not have all the experience in architecture that Annabeth does, I do know a thing or two. I did meet with Isambard Kingdom Brunel, you know.”

“I did not know. You- Who is Isambard Kingdom Brunel?” Will asked

“Oh, some civil engineer who is like a million years old.” Will scoffed at that.

“You’re one to talk,” he teased. He was never going to let go of the fact that Nico was technically like 80 years old.

“Oh hush, William.” William… never Will, like most people. William… like he was something special, something that deserved three syllables. “Anyways, like I was saying: take a shower. You look like you were up mowing all of camp with a flashlight.”

Knowing Will’s reaction to drugs, that wasn’t unlikely. He stood up. “Lead the way? I’ve never been around your cabin before.”

Nico’s cabin was unlike any others. Using some sort of Doctor Who-like technology, there was a living room, a kitchen, and one room. Surprisingly, the walls were all light or pastel, a stark contrast from Nico’s general (and unintentional) punk-rock appearance. However, the furniture was all a deep black. Nico led him to his room, a minimalistic one with a bed, a desk, and a lamp. Will wondered where all the personalization was, but made no comment.

“Here’s the shower,” Nico pointed to yet another room in this somehow huge cabin. “If you see something amiss or odd… ignore it.” Will didn’t want to think of the implications of that sentence.

He stepped in the shower and oh my gods, watching the dirt and grime wash off him after his 8 hour high-- which he did not want to think about (and not just because the author doesn’t want to taint his search history), it was too embarrassing-- was a wonderful feeling. He was still tired. He didn’t know why, it didn’t used to be this hard. However, he was pretty sure that he tried to clean the entire outside of the hypnos cabin before going over to the Hades cabin to do the same. This was the first and last time Will would ever thank the gods for Nico’s poor sleeping patterns, he had heard him outside and came to get him before he tired himself out more.

He nearly passed out in the shower again but managed to make it out. He looked around the well-stocked bathroom and realized something that he probably should have bothered to notice before: he didn’t have any clothes with him. Fuck. He wrapped a (black) towel around his chest because he didn’t think his body could take anymore binding and prayed to Dionysus that Nico didn’t notice that his chest wasn’t exactly male.

Luckily, the first thing Nico did say was “Is that a tattoo?”

Will looked down at his sun. “Yeah, it is,” he smiled. He remembered the night he did it, it was kind of hard. He ordered a tattoo gun off amazon and had Frankie do it for him shortly after the Battle of Manhattan. Some people might think it’s in honor of his dad, which is fine. It was really for Lee Fletcher, though. His mom totally freaked, for a really long time, but after his C-PTSD diagnoses she realized that whatever works for him works as long as it isn’t drugs or self harm. He knows she wants a future for him that doesn’t involve music, and that’s why she freaked. She thought it would ruin his chances. But it’s right on his shoulder, only visible in tank tops or no shirt.

"It… its to honor the man who taught me I could be myself." Will said after a small pause.

"That's a very lovely sentiment. If he made that much of an impact on you, he must be a very cool person."

"He was." Will knew that Nico heard the was by the way that Nico nodded solemnly. "I uh… I don't wish to be more of a bother, but do you mind if I go to bed now? That shower really helped."

"Yeah, of course. I can take the couch, you know where my bed is-"

"No, absolutely not." Nico sighed softly, as though he expected this. "I can sleep on the couch, in Austin I actually prefer it to my bed."

"That's-- no offense William, but that's weird."

"It feels less lonely to me," Will protested, then let out a huge yawn.

"Alright cowboy-" Will smiled at Nico's nickname for him "-get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Nighty night, Neeks. Love you." he didn't miss the small smile on Nico's face before he walked away. Will has always been very loose with his 'I love you's like that. He figured it's better to say it too much than not enough.

He had found his old stash the night before, the one that Clovis had helped him forget about. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about last nights events. At the time,he told himself that he shouldn't do anything with it, and put it out of his mind for about a week, but eventually his urge to smoke overcame his self-control. He went on a rampage of cleaning and was absolutely certain he looked like a madman. The worst part is, he didn't even know why he did it. It was as though his rehabilitation hadn't even happened, as though this was something that was as natural as getting a cup of coffee in the morning. He was so mad at himself, so embarrassed.

These thoughts occupied his mind until he fell asleep about an hour after his last words to Nico. He slept with no dreams, for the first time in about a month.  

word count: 2,245

#no beta we die like jason grace #no but really please correct my mistakes #pls rb if you want #also did you catch my mcr reference #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo fic #fanfic #solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #cabin 13 #percy jackson #trials of apollo #tower of nero #heroes of olympus #ghost thank you #insert tag here #tw self harm mention #tw drug mention #tw high #tw dysphoria

[humanwheatleyslefttoenail]

Number 15 :o)

NUMBER 15 BURGER KING BURGER-

Ok all jokes aside, unpopular opinion time. 

- It’s cool if you just personally don’t like ChellDOS, but shipping aside, I think they are coded as a couple. I mean, GLaDOS sings her Cara Mia and Don’t Say Goodbye, which are objectively love songs. Want You Gone and You Wouldn’t Know are breakup songs. There’s deleted content where GLaDOS passive aggressively gets mad at Chell “cheating on her” by talking to other cores. GLaDOS begins to use “we” in old Aperture and starts treating Chell like an ally, then saves her and lets her go, all while revealing the humanity she’d promised not to reveal to anyone else. The ENTIRE FOCUS of the series is on their changing, dynamic relationship be it as friends or enemies. Their arc is also literally just... an enemies to lovers set up lol. Again, I’m not saying it’s canon per se or that you have to ship it or like it, but I am saying there’s a lot of canon subtext there. (Also btw I heard somewhere “cake” in Argentinian Spanish is slang for lesbians so maybe the cake isn’t a lie-)

- Wheatley is very flawed, and throughout the whole game. I don’t think he was always evil and I definitely think he got corrupted just like GLaDOS, but I also don’t think it was a case of “Corrupt The Cutie.” He’s never been a cinnamon roll or whatever the fandom calls it - he’s shown having some implicit sexism, he’s cowardly, he’s flighty, he’s so obviously a show off because he’s so underconfident. People seem to gloss over these things, especially his actions in the mainframe (which, btw, he is at least partially responsible for), but I feel like if you do that and then justify everything he does... you don’t have Wheatley anymore. Wheatley’s flaws make him *more* sympathetic imo, not less - like I see fics and art where people insist Wheatley doesn’t need to redeem himself or grow in any meaningful way and just want him to be forgiven. I really don’t like that because A) It’s just not true and B) a flawed but likeable character struggling to be better is so much more compelling and relatable. 

- Chelley is. Not a good ship. But. I still like it out of nostalgia and because Blue Sky lol. I think it could work post-canon but first Wheatley would need to do a lot of work on his end and actually prove to Chell that he is worthy. Unfortunately, a lot of Chelley content doesn’t actually do this and has Chell do all the emotional work for him which I don’t like. I consider myself a fan of this ship and I think if you search it up, I’m one of the blogs that comes up, but I don’t like it as much as ChellDOS and I wish people put more consideration into their fanworks when portraying it. 

- Cave dying was actually kinda sad - like he was a bad person and everything but his last few intercom messages still really get me after everything he did. He made so many fucked up decisions but like, I think it’s very relatable - this idea of getting so caught up in your own ideas that you hurt everyone around you and don’t realize until it’s too late and you’re going down with them. It’s sad because like... there were so many chances for him to stop and they never happened, and with the lemon rant he’s still struggling against everything. He still never gave up. And like... idk it just makes me emotionally because he was a bad guy for sure but he’s very human. It doesn’t make me sad in an “oh he didn’t deserve that” way, but more like the way you’re sad after finishing a Greek tragedy kinda way, if you get what I’m saying. 

- I wish I saw more content for the P1 cores because they’re adorable. I want to give the Curiosity Core and the Cake Core hugs. They are babey. 

- Wheatrat and Chellmann aren’t that popular rn because Doug never actually shows up in the game, but both these ships are seriously underrated imo (maybe that’s just the multishipper in me lol). ChellMel and Chellyx are also good and I wish there was more content for that, too. 

- It’s 2020. Can we stop acting like Wheatley did nothing wrong. Can we stop acting like GLaDOS is Only Mean And Has No Other Traits. Nuance is a thing, and the Valve writers didn’t spend hours meticulously creating these three dimensional characters for the fandom to turn them into UwU Cinnamon Roll and Mean Evil. 

- I think Chell is actually a pretty kind person - the fact the game gives you the option to save companion cubes and the oracle turrets, the fact she still tries to stop Wheatley from going to space, the fact that she allies with GLaDOS despite everything, the fact that you physically cannot let go of Wheatley in the first half when you’re holding him - Chell really only does bad things when it’s a literal matter of life and death. She’s a good person just looking out for her own survival, and I don’t like how the fandom has decided she’s mean, angry, or just as bad as GLaDOS and Wheatley when she’s pretty clearly not.

- We as white portal fans need to do better and think critically about the way we’re portraying Chell, be that drawing or writing her. Stuff like not portraying her as an angry stereotype and not whitewashing her. It’s really sad to see the amount of implicit racism in the fandom. 

- Blue Sky is still good although GLaDOS being the bad guy again was a bit OOC. I think it still serves as a good study of Wheatley and I like that it acknowledges his flaws and ultimately makes him responsible for his own redemption, not Chell. Also, “Prove it” was a raw line - I still can’t get it out of my head. 

- He’s unpopular for obvious reasons, but I really like Nigel from Aperture Tag. He’s so charming and quirky and then when he betrays you, he’s such a fun and charismatic villain. I love to hate Nigel and I wish Wheatley had been more like that when he turned evil. Nigel is a good combination of weirdly cute, intimidating, and frustrating. He’s a really well written villain and I wish more people knew about both him and Aperture Tag. 

- GLaDOS didn’t delete Caroline. I don’t think she physically can, and I think she was just lying so that Chell wouldn’t come back or think GLaDOS had feelings lol. I think even Ellen said she thought Caroline wasn’t deleted. 

#portal #portal 2 #chelldos #chelley #meta #long post #cave johnson #glados #wheatley #chell #fandom racism #racism #death mention #unpopular opinion #asks #faebiie #nigel #aperture tag

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next. 

#team free will #team free will 2.0 #castiel #jack kline #sam winchester #dean winchester #sam and dean #destiel #wayward sisters #supernatural #spn #misha collins #jared padalecki #jensen ackles

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

Life of the Party

This is the fluffiest thing I’ve ever written and it still involves a swingers’ party. But seriously, other than the setting, this whole thing is just humor and boy-meets-girl cuteness. 

Pairing: Adam Cole x reader

Word count: 2,117

Content advisory: nothing beyond the setting

“Could you please stop acting so uptight?” Jeanie asks, poking you hard in the ribs. “You said you wanted to try it.”

Yes, you have to admit, you did say that you wanted to try it. Jeanie had been sharing her stories with you and Ellen about going to the swinger parties hosted by a physiotherapist who regularly attended Jeanie’s yoga classes and her husband, and a month ago, she’d finally persuaded Ellen to come along to one. Ellen had been so impressed that she’d talked about it for a week nonstop and you finally had to concede that, yes, you were curious and that you did want to come along the next time there was an opportunity. And you had wanted to come along. You wanted to get into the spirit of liberation and exploration that these nights offered. But here you were, walking into a party with a very select guest list and all you could think of to do was make wisecracks. 

Jeanie and Ellen were both insistent that you keep your mind open, to which you responded that you couldn’t keep your mind and legs open at the same time, which got a chortle but also a withering look from both of them. Your inclination was to separate from the crowd with them and to pass the night making catty comments. They, however, preferred to circulate and see who might be interested and what they might be interested in. Normally, sarcasm and irony were the weapons you used to prevent yourself from feeling vulnerable. But normally, your friends would be right beside you. Tonight, they weren’t so interested in smart remarks and were more interested in seeing what kind of adventure they could find. It was almost like disinterestedly scanning through Tinder and getting frustrated by playing eye contact games with guys in bars wasn’t enough for them anymore. 

It took exactly 38 minutes for you to completely lose your sense of ironic invincibility. You know this because you’ve been able to time it on your phone. In those first minutes, you were joking with Jeanie and Ellen, then they chose to migrate into the crowd and started chatting with a few people. Then you’d just chilled on your own and thought it was funny how everyone else seemed to be trying to hook up with someone. Then it had occurred to you that everyone else was hooking up with someone, almost as if being open about what they wanted was something that wasn’t a source of humiliation for them the way it was for you. Then you’d realized that you were standing by yourself, protected by an impenetrable wall of sarcasm, completely isolated while everyone around you was getting laid. 

You’d sure showed them. You alone had discovered the secret to not having sex at a party the point of which was to make sure that everyone had all the sex they wanted. Lucky for you that the guests were so distracted that it was easy to just steal alcohol from the refrigerator. It was like you were doing the hosts a favor, making sure that the supplies they laid in didn’t go to waste. There were little hors d’oeuvres on trays catered from a company whose treats didn’t come cheap, so you grabbed plate full of those too and retired to the back patio to feel awkward and superior and incredibly envious that there were people who could just approach other human beings and tell them they wanted to have sex with them and get it. 

This goes fine for about fifteen minutes, or two full glasses of wine and about half the plate of exquisite mini pastries and vegetable art, at which point another solitary figure slinks out onto the patio with you. There is immediately a dirigible of silence between you, swollen with mutual desire, the desire to be left alone and to have no one notice you. On the other hand, it is also fueled by the awareness that the two of you are the party’s resident weirdos and that social convention demands that you try to forge some kind of connection so that you can eventually make eye contact and fall in love or something. It’s you who gives in first. 

“Miniature sausage?”

The tumescent blimp of tension between you deflates as the man looks up with a combination of defensiveness and hostility. 

You press the still half-eaten plate towards him. “They ordered these individual mini sausages with gourmet ingredients and everything. There’s like four different kinds and they all look like they’re made by hand. I mean, I can’t imagine they found a machine that could make them this size.”

He’s still giving you a bit of a suspicious look, scanning you for any sign that you’re mocking him but gradually he drags his chair a little closer to observe the food you’re proffering. He snatches up a tiny deconstructed spanakopita-type-thing that crumbles in an avalanche of phyllo crumbs over his dark shirt when he tries to take a bite. 

“Those are a bit tricky,” you commiserate. 

“So, you’re the… official taster?” he kids, obviously trying to project a bit of cool as he brushes himself more or less clean. 

“Sure, we can go with that.” You once again extend the plate to let him try something else and, after allowing his hand to hover a moment, he takes one of the perfect little sausages. 

“Ok,” he says, nodding, “you have a point. These are pretty awesome.”

You resist the urge to say ‘I told you so’ by pushing one of the salmon-lemongrass wraps into your mouth. 

“You prefer fish?” he grins. 

“I just like to eat.”

He laughs a little and, as ridiculously clichéd as it is, you bat your eyelashes because now that you’re able to get a better look at him, you feel your thighs inadvertently press together. He is really good looking. His light brown hair is drawn back into a loose chignon, and he has that perfected, give-a-shit scruff you’ve seen in musicians and you hope to god that he’s not one of those because they’re always such cocky assholes. But what really draws you in are the bright, sparkling, mischievous blue eyes. You can’t stop staring at them and into them, imaging what they’d look like sparked with lust and… you realize it’s been an inappropriately long time since either of you has said anything. 

He takes your last oyster, the bastard, and tips the shell against his mouth, allowing the flesh to slide through his lips and over his tongue that flashes out for just a second to capture the drops of briny liquor. The change in his expression shows that he’s definitely caught you looking in a way that’s entirely appropriate to the party inside. 

“So why aren’t you enjoying the main course?” you ask, trying not to be quite so obvious and hitching your head in the direction of the house. 

“I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing here,” he sighs. “I was with my girlfriend, well, my ex-girlfriend now, for seven years. Two weeks ago I came home from a tour a day early and I run into her with her movers clearing all her stuff out of our condo. Braden’s my nutritionist and told me he and Sheryl were having this party and he thought it might be a good chance for me to shake off some of the… well, you know. Seven years with the same girl and now I’m single.”

Everything after “home from a tour” is a sort of verbal soup to you. A tour. He is a musician. Oh no. 

“What about you?” he asks. “How did you end up on Fuck Island?”

“My friend Jeanie is Sheryl’s yoga instructor,” you squeak, wishing very much to leave it at that. He gives you a pointed stare and a smile that seems to light up the entire yard and so, feeling more than a little self-conscious, you continue, “My husband left me about a year ago and I haven’t been… well, I haven’t dated anyone since then and Jeanie figured that this might be a good opportunity to get back in the saddle.”

He gives you another big smile and you think, or at least hope, that there’s a bit of a flirtatious glint in his eye. “I didn’t know they had a saddle too.”

It’s a silly joke but it does make you laugh and that makes you feel a little less awkward that you basically told a complete stranger that you got your ass dumped and hadn’t had sex since. Still, you’re eager to move on. 

“So you’re a musician?”

“What? Oh, because I was on tour. No, I’m a professional wrestler.”

And that, you think, might be worse than a musician, because it’s sort of like being a jock version of a rock star, right? All of the testosterone and none of the creativity? 

“What do you do?” he asks, pleasantly enough. 

“I’m the curator at the A.E. Backus Gallery.”

His dazzling eyes widen. “Wow…” he stammers, “Art.”

You giggle and pour yourself another glass of wine. “Wow… Wrestling.”

He leans in and takes the bottle from you, gulping directly from it as he leans back into his chair. “I’m not really arty.”

“Not at all?”

“Does videogame art count?”

“It can,” you answer, pushing a note of gentle humor into your voice. 

“Well then I guess I’m a bit of a collector. Maybe you can sell me something.” He hitches his eyebrows a little and it is endearing. 

“I didn’t know wrestling paid so well.”

“It does when you’re as good at it as I am,” he grins, taking another long swig from the wine bottle. 

His arm is slowly moving towards you and you’ve leaned forward so that you’re at once helping to close the distance between you and giving him a nice view of the tops of your breasts, something which does not appear to go unappreciated. Feeling a little cheeky, you take a big drink from your wine glass and allow a drop to fall from your lips. As you were hoping, he reaches over and brushes it away with his thumb. His eyes are definitely more intense, more curious and threaded with a hint of lust and they are every bit as thrilling as you thought they would be. 

“I’m Adam,” he whispers. 

“Eva,” you tell him, and you both laugh a little at that. 

“So I guess we really should be naked.”

“Or if we felt self-conscious, I think that one of the hors d’oeuvres has some minced grape or fig leaves.”

“Are you suggesting that I would be able to cover myself with just a tiny sausage?”

You laugh again and blush because his hand is still resting against your face, stroking your cheek ever so softly. 

His eyes flicker towards the house and he struggles for a minute to form words, his jaw twitching a little with the effort. And as much as you feel yourself growing damp at the idea of being with him, the idea of doing so in a sauna of sex mist is not working for you. 

“I cannot tell you,” he begins finally, waving a hand towards the indoors, “how uncomfortable I am with this whole thing.”

“Oh,” you exhale in sweet relief, “you don’t need to tell me because I just… This is not my scene. No judgment but this just isn’t going to work as a way of getting back out there.”

He gives you a wink. “Eva, would you like to go somewhere and not have sex with me for a bit?”

You look down at what you’re wearing, dismayed. “I’m basically wearing lingerie.”

“You look beautiful.”

“I feel naked.”

“It’s ok,” he assures you. “I know an amazing place to get drive through. You know. If that’s something art gallery girls can get into.”

“I can get into that.”

He stands and offers you his arm, the muscle flexing a little as he helps you up and sending an electric shiver through your core. Toned and firm but not the bulked-up, steroid-ridden balloon you would have imagined all pro wrestlers to possess. You bite your lip and he definitely notices, edging just a little closer to you,

“I really hope no one’s fucking in my car,” he says wistfully. 

“I’m so glad I came here in a cab.”

The two of you share a conspiratorial glance as you pick your way down the driveway and onto the street towards his hopefully unoccupied car. No sex for a bit, you tell yourself, but maybe not too long of a bit.

#nxt imagine #wwe imagine #nxt fanfiction #adam cole fanfiction #adam cole imagine #adam cole x reader #wayward wrestle writing #wrestling imagine #wrestling fanfic

[chuchuprecureart]

Hello I’m back with my top ten favorite pretty cure side character! Now this my top ten favorite and these are my opinions, so please keep that in mind and without forewords let’s get started

10. Yui Nanase

Now! Now! Put down your pitchforks and torches that Yui is number 10! The reason why is that she didn’t become a Precure, but she was significant in that she kept the secret until near the end of the series and is was vital into beating despair been that she slowly learned how to avoid the villains spell later on in the series and because of that she was in later half of season to break out of the spell. Because of that when despair try lock all of them she was able to break out and gave the girls a key victory that would help the cures on defeating the big bad of this season!

9. International Precure ( the Hawaii pretty Cure and Cure Tender)

Now sadly they didn’t what I wanted and I wished that we could explore more about international Precure because it really interesting to other Precure besides the Japanese pretty Cure and hope in the future we get explore more of it because it is really interesting. Now they might do it sooner, because of the last season having the first international precure on a main team that Star Twinkle and the adding that more people from other nations are starting to more into Japan with the new empire and new minister they might do international pretty cure later on in the season! But this was the first steps on introducing people especially Japanese viewers to other Precure besides good old Japan, but hope they do a season explore more maybe in a different country such as Britain or France. I mean they have two movies where two teams were in France, so maybe having a season with a French pretty Cure team would interesting. Plus it won’t that hard to do that since they almost had one, besides it a familiar region to them so it wouldn’t that hard to that.

8. Cure mofurun ( Mahou Precure)

I wish this was in the official season, because I loved her as Pretty Cure and plus she one of the best mascots. My personal favorites one out of all theme besides Candy and Tart from Fresh Precure! Besides in the movie, she showed that she is a decent fighter having experiences from her allies and seeing transformation was beautiful! I loved her theme song transformation sequence being the best one out of all them, while also showing that she can hold up on her own! I wish they had more characters like her and not like Milky Rose or Cure Pekorin because then I would be more invested in watching those series if they had something similar like Cure mofurun.

7. Cure Flower (Heartcatch Precure)

First of all, I love that there was relationship between the main character being Tsubomi and the grandmother, being that once that grandmother was a pretty cure in the good older days. It was interesting to see this relationship and how the grandmother was a mentor figure to Tsubomi and the other Cures before Cure moonlight joined the team, she gave advice on how to approach things and also help them out on several occasions,even freeing them from the villains. She was extremely important to the series as she help out the cures and even gave the vital information when needed; while also having a role to Tsubomi growth as a character and helping her out when she needed the most. That’s why is number 7 on this list!

6. Cure Echo (all stars pretty cure)

Yep busting that bubble out of the blue! Number 6 is Cure Echo from the all-stars series and part of the Smile Precure! I wish that she was part of the smile team and I believe that she was on meant to joining them particularly being that this was the only season, where there wasn’t a sixth member. I know that there are some of you who are saying that Candy is kinda a sixth member but, I don’t count her because it was near the end of the season that she became helpful to them. Plus, technically it would Echo besides it was Smile Precure that we’re the newbies and it would make logical sense that she would joined them after defeating Fusion. Also it also makes sense, since technically she is sixth member on their team and besides they represent a rainbow in a way and technically she would the part of it. Mostly represent that she is the light of it that it the light from the sun and the water that makes the rainbow, that’s I believe that she was meant to be the sixth member and I wish she was because she is my favorite out of all the smile team!

5. Kiryuu Michiru (Cure bright) & Kiryuu Kaoru (Cure Windy) Splash Star Precure

Number five is Michiru and Kaoru from Splash Star! It was interesting to see these two slowly become allies and eventually become pretty cure at the end of the season, plus they were prequels to villains becoming good guys and before it was cool to become pretty cures before Sestuna, Ellen, Towa and RuRu came on the series. I wished to see more of a due of sisters pretty cure team, but alas it never happened and I wish it would. It would interesting to see one in the future term, I would invest in watching that series and see how Toei would approach something like that.

4. Kuroki Rio ( Cure Waffle)

Yes, number four is Cure Waffle or Rio; I am counting on him as being a pretty cure; it been confirmed in the early days of the show. The reason why was that he was the first male character to become a Precure (𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐭𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞) Cure waffle was technically first, not the other way around! Plus I love his ship which is Ichika x Rio, which is one of my favorite ships in the series besides Daruizen x Nodoka! I wish that they would expand on that!

3. Himenojou Sakurako ( Star Twinkle Precure)

Surprised! Should be, because number 3 is Himenojou Sakurako from Star Twinkle Precure! I really wished that she was the seventh member, I am not counting Fuwa because that’s only in the musicals and not the series! Besides that, I believe that she was supposed be on the teams why dedicate entire episode on her when she wasn’t on the team! It doesn’t make sense unless she was original meant to be on the team with the other cures and there some theories suggesting that original there was supposed to be a plot line to be discovered to be an alien from a different planet that just like earth but in dire need of help. However, they had scrapped it due to many rewrites of this season from the higher ups and my beliefs that she meant for that but because of poor rates of Fuwa, it was scrapped among the other ideas. I feel really bad for her and situation that writer was put in, I would love to see where plot line went and I heard that supposed significance!

2. Higashiyama Seika and Nishijima Waon (suite Precure)

Number 2 is Seika and Waon tied for number 2 place of the best side character! Yes, another surprise and original they were meant to be pretty cure, on the suite Precure team but alas they were scrapped as well because of rewrites of the script after the 2011 Tsunami that was from the earthquake in Japan because of it the entire script was changed! We lost Cure Symphony and Cure Pitch from being official, which really upsetting because I would like to seen how Toei would done the face reveals! My best guess is that it would been similar to what happened in episode that noise was having steals the modules from their friends while finding out that their friends were pretty cure and having to coming Precure at the end of episode would really been interesting to see and would a really interesting idea!

And for number 1 is

1. Chinen Miyuko (fresh Precure)

Number one is Chinen Miyuko from fresh Precure! The reason why is for many, the first that orginally there was supposed to a fifth member on team instead of a four member team, however it was ultimately scrapped from production, however the one tiny problem was that the cure was in the final stages of development so they had to scrapped it but they couldn’t scrap everything so they decided to keep the character and have her as one of mentor figures for the Precure. That’s why she looked different from all the characters including the main cast, she was meant to be with main cast from the beginning instead she became a mentor figure but a very important one! She keep the girls in check while helping them while having a career on top of that! That’s lot of work for person let alone keeping a secret from her job which can really hard given that her team won the dance tournament before the season started! Though I wish I could seen the plot line, it was unique for them to do that! I hope one day they do that!

Well those are my top ten side character my next list is my top ten favorite villains from Precure series! Until next time!



#pretty cure #precure #kirakira pretty cure #Mahou Precure #happinesscharge precure #fresh Precure #go princess precure #star twinkle precure #Heartcatch Precure #smile precure #suite precure #cure mofurun #Cure Echo #Cure Waffle #cure bright #Cure Windy #Cure Symphony #Cure Pitch #Kiyuu Michiru #Kiyuu Kaoru #Cure Limeade #Cure Comet #Mikiyu Fresh Precure

[languesbians]

How I’d have liked Supernatural to end

This is intended as an extension to 15x19, set after Jack’s speech about being present in all things etc. Also I wrote it as a story outline rather than a prose fanfic, hence the shifts in framing.

Two weeks later

Dean is alone in the bunker's kitchen, peeling potatoes. He looks pensive. Sam walks in.

Sam: "Hey man, you okay?"

Dean: "Yeah, I just... I wish Cas was here, you know? I don't know if I can do this on my own."

Sam moves in to reassure him, patting him on the shoulder. "It'll be okay. I know it will.”

Half an hour or so passes. We're still with Dean in the kitchen, but he now has a large bowl of mashed potatoes and a pile of peelings, which he sweeps into a bin. Close-up on his hands as he carries the bowl towards the kitchen door. The other side of the bowl is suddenly grabbed by a pair of hands.

"These potatoes look great, Dean." It's the guy they were just talking out, alive and well. We zoom out to see that he's wearing his trademark trenchcoat.

"Yeah, I just wish you'd been there earlier. I had to peel like, a hundred potatoes on my own."

Cas looks into the bowl with a 'himbo angel who doesn't understand exaggeration' expression. "This doesn't look like a hundred potatoes." He holds that face for a couple of second before his lips curl up slightly at the corners; he's just teasing Dean.

"Dumbass" Dean says, smiling affectionately. "What's with the beige, anyway?" he asks, gesturing at the trenchcoat. "You gonna start wearing that old thing again?"

"Only on special occasions. [beat] It reminds me of when we first met, remember?" He leans forward into Dean's personal space, imitating that 'mean angel' we remember from the barn all those years ago.

Dean's face is torn between his affection for Cas’ sappiness and his amusement at the S4!Cas impression. "Alright feathers, no chick flick moments." He pecks Cas on the lips and grabs a bowl of vegetables from the counter before they both walk out of the kitchen.

Up until now there’s been no ambient noise, but it turns out the sound guy has been deceiving us - the bunker's main room/foyer/whatever is actually full of noise and people. They're all sitting around a big table laden with food, chatting and laughing. At the centre of the table is a roast turkey: it's Thanksgiving.

There’s a lot going on - Charlie is showing off some cool computer shit to Claire, Kaia and Patience while her girlfriend watches; Eileen is pointing at different food items and teaching Bobby and Donna how to sign them; Sam and Jody are opening cards from friends - we see the names ‘Fitzgerald’ and ‘Rosen’, among others.

Dean and Cas sit down next to each other in the middle of the table, Sam and Eileen on the other side. Dean dings a glass for attention and stands up. He's about to speak when a thunderous crash erupts from the direction of the sky. Immediately the whole table switches to Hunter Mode - they jump up, take out concealed weapons and go on full alert, although those nearest to Bobby are slightly distracted at the sight of him pulling an angel blade from the turkey.

"Sorry, I still haven't worked out how to stop that happening” says a voice. It turns out the noise was merely heralding a rare event - Jack is walking the Earth again, for the first time since defeating Chuck. The youngest Winchester is on the balcony by the bunker’s front door, looking slightly sheepish. Everyone stands at ease again, looking slightly annoyed and putting their weapons back away. (The camera shows the whole table at once, so unless you're paying attention you won't notice Donna preventing Bobby from angel-blading the turkey again.)

"Oh by the way - I've brought a guest, if that's okay. All the way from the depths of Hell."

"Happy Thanksgiving, boys" says Rowena, stepping out from behind him. The two of them head down the stairs: Sam, Dean and Cas take turns embracing Jack while Rowena greets everyone else. For the next minute or two everyone hugs the newcomers and Rowena is introduced to those who haven’t met her yet - Claire in particular is fascinated and asks Rowena to sit next to her, eager to badger her with questions about what it’s like being the bisexual Queen of Hell.

Eventually they're all sat back down except Dean, who's holding a wine glass ready to make a toast. The glass, of course, is filled with beer.

"You all know I'm not a fan of long speeches, so this isn't gonna be one of those. [beat] I just wanted to say that I am so, so grateful for all of you guys. For my brother and his fiancée. For my angel and our son.” He gently tousles Cas’ hair. “For my grumpy adoptive dad and my lesbian friend - both versions of them." Charlie and Bobby nod their heads in recognition of their absent other selves. "For Jody, Donna and the kids; for Rowena; and for everyone we lost along the way. Without you guys I wouldn't be here - hell, this whole universe wouldn't be here. So I'd lke to raise a toast."

He's gradually getting more and more choked up. "To Bobby, Charlie, Adam, Kelly, Jessica, Benny, Jo, Ellen, Rufus, Pamela, Meg, Kevin, Gabriel, Crowley, Ketch, Jimmy... and to Mom." He takes a second to steady himself, then raises his head and his glass. "To family."

Everyone repeats back, "To family" as they all drink. Cas looks lovingly up at his boyfriend and gently touches his arm as Dean starts to carve the turkey. Everyone else gets back to chatting and laughing. Vegetables and sauces are handed round while Cas proudly serves Charlie and her girlfriend slices of a vegetarian pastry dish as his voice cuts through the babble: "I made this specially for you guys." It’s kind of a mess because he hasn’t learnt how to cook yet, but they’re grateful nonetheless.

All the while the camera is slowly zooming out and eventually the conversation starts to grow quieter, replaced by a solo piano version of the opening "Wayward Son" chorus.

Cut to black as the final note plays.

#spn #supernatural #i really enjoyed writing this! #idk if charlie is canonically vegetarian but i like it in the story so #spn fanfic #destiel