تسلمت اليوم خطابًا
أرسلته إلى نفسي الأسبوع الماضي
عندما كنت في مدينة أخرى
وكنت ثملاً
حتى أني لم أتمكن من الوقوف
الخطاب يقول:
عليك أن تجد طريقة لتتقبل الواقع
ولتحب الحياة
آلام الصداع في كل صباح
أوشكت تقتلني!
كريستوفر بويندكستر - ترجمة أنغام شعيب
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it’s so weird, him coming back, texting me so openly, and...idk being so kind about it. It unnerves me a lot to think someone would still think about me after 5 years. we were best friends, and he was possibly the only best friend i felt comfortable with. my mother didn’t like him, my father didn’t approve of him, I always thought of my parents above god, so i blocked him. even if he was the only friend i ever had. then he found me again, and i was confused, shocked, but also happy. very happy. then i thought of my mother, all the things that happened in my past after he wasn’t a part of it. everything my mother said, the present that was happening. i felt guilt, immeasurable guilt, for being happy that he was back. he was an important link to the past i wanted to forget forever, never be reminded of it again, and when he came back, i was once again reminded of it all. the unbearable sadness and guilt, and pain, and pain and pain of it all. none of it which he caused. he was always in the white. but my mother’s past words echoed in my head, and my father’s present words screamed louder than ever, “you are a disgrace to your mother”. so when my phone number changed, i could’ve told him, but i didnt. i couldn’t bring myself to...it was too much, not him, me. i was too much, too guilty, too sad, too ashamed, too wrong, too embarassed. but something made me contact him again. i think it was the memories and the kindness of him. for the whole time i was afraid he would not even want to talk to me. but he did, he even forgave me. (now mind you i didn’t lie to him) but...what i did was still bad. I guess I have always been like this, i can’t explain it to anyone, HECK i can’t even explain it to myself. All i feel is in pain, i feel hurt, i feel...i dont know. Now i am listening to a story my best friend is telling me and honestly she is amazing. her stories are amazing. she is just...she just makes me so happy in my heart, i feel like a little girl again, and i feel like what i used to feel with my mother again. Last i heard someone telling me a story is my mother telling me a story the night before she died. this makes me happy. she makes me so happy. i mean, i have no words how happy she makes my heart. i am sitting here smiling like an absolute idiot past midnight. she is amazing.
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hoping these roses dull the pain, cover the scars and turn the page
author: aspen blackwood
james “bucky” barnes x steve rogers | mcu
masterpost | 🅴 | 🔞 | word count: 3,360 | complete
tags: alpha x alpha, drugged, forced sex, non con body bod, non traditional omegaverse, triggered mating, secondary gender modification, dark elements
"A peculiar scent fills Steve’s nose as he wakes slowly. He knows that scent, it is one that still haunts him, that whispers his failures in his ears like prayers."
-
There were turncoats on the Lemurian Star.
bingo fills + event prompts
ch. 1: hoping these roses dull the pain, cover the scars and turn the page
@anyfandomangstbingo | barely conscious
@anyfandomdarkbingo | fuck or die
@anyfandomgoesbingo | possessive alpha
@anyfandomkinkbingo | handcuffs
@badthingshappenbingo | mutilation
@buckybarnesevents
alpha bucky april | breeding kink + purring + double minimum requirement
babb 2023 | failed mission [april prompt]
babb 2023 [babb060] | held down
connect 4 [c4013] | c1: sex slave
@catws-anniversary | theme: bucky barnes - metal arm
@deaddovekink
frisky february | drugged sex
monsterfcking march | shapeshifting: transforming during sex
@eclipsingbingo | trail of blood
@fandom-free-bingo: valentine’s edition | aphrodisiac, bound
@hurtcember | forced
@julybreakbingo: post-july | sex pollen
@kinky-things-happen | transformation
@marvel-smash-bingo | forced orgasm
@mcukinkbingo: open round | torture
@multifandom-flash
omegaverse | forced mating
round 2 [1028] | free space
scalding hot: consent issues bingo | non con body mod: extra fuck holes
@sebastianstanbingo | sex slave
@stuckybingo [5080] | kink: breeding
@stuckygeekevents: stucky geek bingo | captivity, kidnapped
@yearoftheotpevent | april: canon divergence
read: ao3 | ffn | sqwa
mini playlist
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