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I keep seeing and impulsively checking the blog of an old fairly toxic friend of mine n I just.
Man. Why do YOU have to be doing well. Why am I the only one who looks back and ends up feeling awful.
Not that I want him to suffer. It's better he doesn't. But like,, I'm always the one on the chopping block between the two of us. It's been 4 YEARS and one month since we've completely ceased contact. Yet my dumb ass STILL can't not think abt him at random
Like,, I'm sure I wasn't completely innocent. I was a really weird 13 year old who never had a genuine friend before, not to mention my mental illness and trauma I had yet to uncover. Yet the only person who never communicated nor seemed to care about our friendship was him. I could be pushy at times, yeah, but I always backed down if told no and whatnot.
Not only that, but I'm still annoyed that he straight up LIED about me and what I was like. One of his (ADULT) friends had contacted me in late 2018, claiming I was, and I quote, "manipulative, misgendered him, and used him as an emotional dump truck". I was 13 years old, and my only friend besides one other person had blocked me for no reason.
Literally for that WHOLE month, I was terrified. I had panic attacks and was anxious as hell. And I'll admit I was a little dependent on him, but I was still fucked from that experience.
Once we started talking again and boundaries set up. He SORT of apologized, but always insisted he was an awful friend, so I ended up having to comfort him instead. I always made excuses and everything for him, convinced that I was awful. And literally like,, there was no effort put in from his side after that. Aaaand then April 2019, I was suddenly messaged and blocked, and that was the last time we talked.
I was hurt obv but like. After that. I kept on being targeted by his adult friends (we were both 14, the friends were at LEAST 23+). Deadass I still don't know what the hell was said abt me but I KNOW it wasn't good. Bc before I knew it I had someone call me a pathetic bitch while I was having a panic attack over feeling guilty for shit I didn't do, then I was banned from like 3 system servers for "interacting inappropriately with a minor". Cue me literally being 14 at the time, a csa survivor, with no evidence even when I asked repeatedly for it, with literally no access to anyone younger than me bc of discords TOS.
The stress from that LITERALLY made us split several times and caused us to switch hosts. Sammy, the alter who was host at the time, is likely STILL dormant. All of that happened in practically the same year.
I'm still fucking baffled by it, angry, and hurt. It's been 4 damn years and I'm 90% sure he doesn't even remember us now.
Like,, christ I still can't interact with the undertale fandom for long bc it makes me remember him. I can't even look at art styles resembling his bc it makes me sick! I am TERRIFIED of venting bc I'm scared someone will lash out at me or accuse me of dumping all of my trauma on them. I'm scared I'm doing something wrong without knowing it and that tomorrow I'll wake up to having no friends bc they all blocked me.
Hell, I have issues trusting people who use the same name as him! I avoid a whole GROUP of people because I'm terrified they'll recognize me and start drama with false claims. Anyone who may have been so much as NEAR him I can't completely interact with besides a couple reblogs here and there.
And like,, I'm sure he's doing completely fine. That he's entirely unaware of the damage he caused. And, yeah, good for him, he's not suffering like I am. But also,, I'm painfully envious. I wish I was left pain free.
It's so stupid. It was 4 years ago. I really need to get over it.
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americaisdead · 23 days
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flagstaff, ariz. april 2024
© tag christof
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daily-odile · 1 month
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mayhaps a long hair odile? :3
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yeah always
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archfey-edda · 3 months
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Midnight chat.
Thank @birdwithavendetta for cheering on my evil ideas.
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summershouto · 2 months
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The Hc that Sanji has a small 3 tattoo from Germa BUT he wasn't even aware of it
all of the Vinsmoke kids were tattooed according to their corresponding numbers at a very young age. Young enough that there’s no memory of actually getting the tattoo
Sanji's is very small and the ink was his Germa assigned color yellow, which makes it blend in with his skin a bit. The numbers were printed small and thin to remain inconspicuous. After all, the kids all have noticeable differences, so the tattoos were more of a formality, an insurance, rather than a functioning identifier. essentially the numbers can go unnoticed without careful inspection— and there would be no reason for the kids to analyze their own backs
luffy is the first person to comment on it. he has a knack for catching small details, especially when it pertains to his crew. Maybe he spots it when Sanji is changing or it catches his eye after a shirtless sanji rescues him from the water. Either way, Luffy curiously asks about the mark on Sanjis back. Sanji has no idea what he’s referring to so he dismisses it as another weird Luffy comment and Luffy moves on to something else catching his interest
Chopper is the one who actually tells Sanji about it. After he performs surgery on sanjis back, he informs him that his tattoo was not damaged in any way from his injury or operation. This time Sanji freezes. He has questions- after all Chopper is a medical professional and has no reason to make up stories or ask random meaningless questions. Chopper uses a mirror to show sanji exactly where the tattoo is placed on his back and Sanji goes silent once he realizes what it is and where it must have come from
Chopper is curious about how Sanji ended up with a tattoo he has no memory of, but Sanji waves him off with a lie about getting drunk and entering a tattoo parlor. Chopper respects Doctor-Patient confidentiality of course, so he never brings up the mysterious tattoo again.
Sanji goes to great lengths to keep anyone else from seeing the tattoo. In the bunk room he changes with his back to the wall and in the bath he sinks deeper into the water. No one will ever see his exposed back again.
When he’s alone, Sanji looks at very little else. He quickly learns the best way to position himself to study his reflection. He stares long enough to memorize his own back. He learns he has a few freckles dotted along his spine, his shoulder blades stick out slightly more than average, and of course he knows just how striking the color yellow can be. His eyes are drawn to the mark like a magnet and at times he can practically feel it burning into his skin
He hates it. It’s a direct link to his past- the one he was told to never speak of. It’s like Germa is mocking him… yet he also feels conflicted by it. He rejects Germa, but he can’t help but wonder what his younger self would have thought about being forever marked as one of them. He wonders if it would have made accepting his banishment harder. He wonders if Judge even remembers that the tattoo was given to him.
In the end he manages to push it aside like he does with all of his other Germa memories. Even if it disturbs and sickens him whenever he remembers what is printed on his back, he moves forward.
Until Whole Cake of course. It’s a cruel reminder that Sanji had never actually been free; that he’d been branded as theirs since birth and his years after escaping their clutches was only borrowed time.
(Until Luffy reminds him that freedom is something he will always ensure for his friends. He reminds him that Sanji has never been one of them.)
Back on Whole Cake when Sanji sees Reiju again he asks her about the tattoos; if she knew of their existence. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised when she stares at him blankly and says she always knew.
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yardikins · 8 months
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They’re so father-daughter coded
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sparring-spirals · 1 year
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how better to describe my love for the Mighty Nein than "one of my favorite episodes was the one where they needed to stealthily climb up/get down a fucking huge tree only for it to get Very Loud And Chaotic Very Fast Due To Competitive Tendencies And Poor Decisions".
Except that describes TWO completely separate episodes (and trees), one involving romantic shenanigans, a baby roc getting hit on the head with a staff, and a shitty leaf costume, and the other involving a good ole footrace and also a bullet to the ass. No, no enemies had a gun.
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jedi-enthusiast · 1 year
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I've seen a lot of posts on my feed lately that have, in some way shape or form, said "the story of the Jedi is tragic cause the Jedi caused their own genocide" followed by a list of just...stuff that's either untrue or the other option would've been worse in that game of roulette that Palpatine set up specifically to force the Jedi to make questionable decisions and wear them down with the weight of them. (Untagged posts btw, if you're gonna post shit along these lines please for the love of fuck tag it "Jedi critical," there are tags for a reason)
So I'm here to outline why that's complete and utter bullshit in one easy, simple to understand, post! No matter what the Jedi did, or what you think they did, they did not cause their own genocide. The fault of their genocide is solely on those who chose to commit said genocide of their people and culture.
Ignoring the fact that Palpatine's entire plan, the whole point of everything that we see in the Prequels, was to kill off all of the Jedi and erase their culture--so he was gonna figure out some way to do it, with or without Anakin/the clones/Dooku/etc.
You cannot make someone commit genocide against you.
That is the stupidest argument ever.
Committing genocide is a choice, one that you actively have to make over and over again--which we see Anakin do, even long after all (or all except a measly few survivors, most of which were literal children in the Prequel-era and couldn't have possibly done anything to piss Anakin off) of the Prequel-era Jedi--aka the ones that people say "brought this on themselves"--were dead!
The Jedi Order as a whole could've been the shittiest, most repressed group of arrogant assholes the galaxy had ever seen. They could've called Anakin a whiny bitch to his face and told him that Dooku should've gone for his head instead of his arm. They could've danced on his mother's grave and had tea parties with the Tuskens.
And guess what?
They still could not have made Anakin and Palpatine commit genocide against them. It was their choice, and their choice alone.
The only people that had no choice in committing that genocide were the clones and guess who took that choice away from them? Because it certainly wasn't the fucking Jedi!
Which is hilarious because most of these posts I've seen have said something along the lines of "the Jedi used the clones as slaves," ignoring the fact that--even if that were true (and it's not)--Anakin and Palpatine used them as slaves too!
And it was so much worse when they did it because, not only were they not given a choice, they were fucking mind-controlled in order to commit genocide against their will! So they didn't even get the choice to refuse and face the consequences of that--which is an option for them during the Clone Wars, albeit a shitty one.
So no, the Jedi did not bring anything upon themselves.
Start holding Anakin responsible for his own shitty decisions, and start tagging your damn anti-Jedi and Jedi critical posts properly!
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sihirbazi · 7 months
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general kestis gets an intel update
more of this au :>
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nickthespoon · 9 months
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Okay, I am actually obsessed with Sanji's final decision on the raid suit, not only for the development of his character but the commentary on Chopper and Robin's too.
The line "...who can even crush monsters like him as long as you give me the order," mirrors Chopper's (so many arcs ago) and Robin's (just earlier) lines about not minding being a "monster" or a "demon" if it was for Luffy/their friends. And so part of you thinks "Oh, he's gonna do it?!"
But Oda says No! You have misunderstood! Chopper and Robin were called demons/monsters most of their lives and ostracised accordingly even though neither of them are. They must have been terrified of that happening again in their new lives, but Luffy made them feel safe, made them feel comfortable to just be them. So much so as to not worry about what other's might think. People called them monsters/demons when they were at their plainest selves; having discovered these darker/powerful sides to themselves, however, they fully embrace them as a part of themselves. Because Luffy would. Luffy loves the whole of them. So why should they fear what others think if it can help them win the fight?
Sanji, meanwhile, has been brought up with almost the opposite. Surrounded by monsters and told he is weak and useless; to strive for monstrosity, but forever belittled and told he's not good enough.
Having made his opinions on his family clear, I didn't think Sanii would ever use the raid suit. But he did, because he believed the situation called for it; his crew needed it. And also pervy pluses!
And so he does for a while, and it's great. He gets to perv all he likes and the suit is powerful and helped him out in a jam a number of times. But always that niggling sensation that it's wrong, that he should reject it because, astounding as the suit is, it comes from everything he hated.
Not to mention the terror of not being in control of himself, potentially due to the suit, suit on or off. Of becoming like the monsters that hurt him growing up and being powerless to stop it. Just as he was to stop them then.
But his final decision is not based on what /he/ wants. It's what his captain would want. Which version of him would /Luffy/ want. And Luffy always choses kindness.
So even if he becomes weak and useless in comparison, even if he has to make a great personal sacrifice (the little sex pest :l) he will do it as himself! He will remain human (even going so far as to make drastic arrangements for if that should go awry) and he will do things on his own merits.
And I am totally normal about him.
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haemosexuality · 9 months
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[show outfits] [marceline's comic outfits] [marceline and the scream queens outfits] all of bonnie's outfits in the adventure time comic series! i tried not to get any that appear in the show. i really like some of these :) i mightve missed some tho, because there are a lot of issues and i just kind of skimmed them, so tell me if u notice any missing pls <3 bonus bubbline shirt cameo from issue 7 🥺
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biohazard-inevitable · 2 months
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What if….
Sanji swears at people, especially men in his life as a form of endearment and affection. A show of respect of sorts because hes so traumatized by the miltaristic speech of Germa 66 that he never wanted to speak like that again so he took on the old swearing of sailors he traveled with and made it affectionate to him. So he calls Zeff by something that normally would be insulting, but to sanji its respectful because its not how he would talk to Judge
Idk if im making sense but do you GET WHAT IM SAYING-
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americaisdead · 2 months
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tonight at the wigwam motel. holbrook, ariz. february 2024
© tag christof
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wrishwrosh · 8 months
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freak! special freak!!!
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crepes-suzette-373 · 7 months
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Ukiyoe-inspired Kyuubi Ichiji, for this youkai AU I made a while back.
The fox magic works from beyond the screen, it would seem. This was not what I had intended to be drawing, but many hours later I somehow end up with this.
Now I feel very bad, because the Sanji one was just a sketch, and I overdid this one.
The labels says: "Vinsmoke family eldest son", "Sparking Red Ichiji", and "drawn by Crepes". Lengthy wordy explanation below.
The "Vinsmoke" kanji is basically a string of random words that makes the sounds most similar to "Vinsmoke". It's the method that Japanese people in older time periods do with foreign words and names, instead of using katakana like they do today. For example, this is "America": 亜米利加. If you translate that, it's gibberish and has no meaning. It's just the sound that matters.
"Sparking" (literally "fire flower") was from the manga, and everything else I just picked what makes sense and looks nice. 壱 is basically the same as 一, for example, read as "Ichi" and means "one". It's just the more complex version intended for legal documents back in the scrolls and ink era, because 一 is too easy to tamper and mess with on paper.
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some---weirdo · 27 days
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Graphic design is my passion
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