#A FUCK U DON'T LIKE LONG

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!! #men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

[francy-sketches]

Hiiiii guess who finished her pmv. finally. um enjoy :3

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #cersei lannister #and a bunch of others I don't feel like tagging them #wrote some of them in the desc if you scroll past my ramblings. the others I hope you can tell by context clues i believe in u #my art #pmv #it's finally joever oh my god #i dont want to look at it ever again. this is my child and I'm abandoning it at your doorstep 🏃‍♂️💼 #btw confession time I started this before finishing adwd so like if you notice book inaccuracies. just ignore it #tbh towards the end i was just kinda going off the song lyrics more than anything #also like her hair should not be that long I think. the show poisoned my brain bc they do fuck all for like a year post walk #n e way ill talk about it more tomorrow probably. im gonna be so annoying about this btw I WILL force you to watch it #istg if it flops 🔪

[werewolfetone]

Funniest error ever in historical fiction TO ME as someone who is rlly into 18th century history is when an author obviously thinks "breeches" is just a fancy antiquated word for trousers. why are the breeches of a character in this book set in 1845 I'm reading allegedly brushing the tops of his shoes rn

#PSA for my fellow writers please google historical fashion terms before using them because if someone who actually knows what they mean #comes across them & u have used them incorrectly they will laugh. like how fucking long are these breeches #anyway don't ask me what the book is I refuse to clarify. but to b clear it's not castle richmond #reading #jory.txt

[sodafrog13]

*announcer voice* IN COMES MYSTERY SKULLS ANIMATED WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!

missed these guys. take some doodles + a silly hlm au that i'm not gonna do anything with <3

#mystery skulls #mystery skulls animated #vivi yukino #lewis pepper #arthur kingsmen #lewvithur #just a tad lol #trashcan's art #for the record tho: in the hlm au mystery doesn't rlly exist. kind of #he is Some Manner Of Spirit that lives in vivi's kitsune mask which is a family heirloom #gives her inhuman strength when she wears it bc mystery's sworn to protect her and her family in any way he can #arthur doesn't have anything special going on but he Can and Will beat u to death with hammers. or wrenches. whatever he's got on hand rly #lewis's advantage is just being built like a fucking fridge LMAO #also he's a parrot :-) bc parrots can't sense capsaicin and can enjoy a spicy pepper (bc to them it's not spicy) so it seemed apt :V #also so i could mimic his little hair swooshes in the back #ik lewis's fav animal is alpacas but like. w/in a hlm context i felt alpaca mask wouldn't rlly work the way i'd like it to #that and it. looks a little dopey hfdhfd #don't expect a lot of MSA art fr me btw i'm just having a hyperfix resurgence and i don't think it'll last very long (relatively speaking)

[khattikeri]

maybe a controversial opinion but while i really love jiang cheng as a character he is deeply self-centered as a person. and seeing people fight tooth and nail claiming he isn't, or is just misunderstood, or that he has genuine valid reasons to be selfish when plenty of other characters make the difficult choice to forego status and opportunities for what they believe is genuinely right to do (read: wei wuxian, wen ning, wen qing, lan wangji, jiang yanli, mianmian, etc.)

it's just odd to me. especially if they're talking about the novels.

mxtx didn't give jiang cheng the name "sandu shengshou" as a quirky coincidence. there's a REASON she named him & his sword after the 3 poisons of Buddhism (specifically ignorance, greed, and hatred). it's crucial to the story that jiang cheng is NOT selfless and that wei wuxian IS.

it's important to accept that wei wuxian is, by their society's standards, not morally gray; he represents several Buddhist ideals in direct contrast of jiang cheng and multiple people attest to wei wuxian's strong moral character, which is a lot of why jiang cheng even feels bitter about him to begin with.

it's crucial, because by the end of the novel jiang cheng realizes the extent of this and begins to let go!

the twin prides thing wasn't jiang cheng wanting them to 100% mirror the twin jades. he does care about wei wuxian, but he wanted wei wuxian to stay his right hand man, in part the way wei changze was for jiang fengmian.

and if there's one thing you can notice about wei changze in the novels, it's that literally nobody talks about him. he is only ever mentioned when his cool mysterious mountain sect wife cangse-sanren is mentioned, or (even more rarely) when they discuss him as a servant to jiang fengmian. regardless of jiang fengmian's own feelings, wei changze was considered lesser to him and didn't seem to outdo him, since nobody's out there years later still waxing poetry about wei changze's skills.

it may not be the only thing jiang cheng wants out of a twin pride dynamic, but it is a big part of it. regardless of his parents' intentions in taking wei wuxian in and treating him certain ways, this twin pride right-hand man thing is what jiang cheng has felt owed since childhood. he gave up his dogs for wei wuxian, people gossip about his sect heir position with wei wuxian there... jiang cheng wants the reciprocation of what he views as personal sacrifices.

he is ignorant to the depth of what wei wuxian must've suffered for over 6 years as a malnourished orphan child on the streets. he hates how wei wuxian's intelligence, witty charm, and cultivation abilities are naturally stronger than his own. he does care about wei wuxian a lot and want them to be together as sort of-brothers, sort of-friends, sort of-young master and sect servant...

...but if it's between that unclear (yet still caring) relationship and being able to save himself just a little bit more, jiang cheng nearly always manages to clam up in the face of danger and choose the latter, which ultimately benefits himself most. maybe it's a stretch to call that sort of thing greed, but it certainly isn't selfless.

there are of course plenty of justifications for this. it's his duty as sect heir. his home and sect was severely damaged by the wen attack and subsequent war; he had to protect himself, etc.

but doesn't that prove the point?

wei wuxian may be charming, but in terms of pure social standing, he is lower and far more susceptible to being punished or placed in harm's way by people who have more power and money. to protect wei wuxian, yunmeng jiang's long-term head disciple and semi-family member, even in the face of backlash and public scrutiny would've been the selfless thing to do. this is what wei wuxian does for the wen remnants in the burial mounds.

jiang cheng does not choose this. it's not even an unreasonable choice for him to make! nobody else in the great clans is doing such a thing, stepping out of line to take on a burden that could weaken them in the long-run. wei wuxian himself doesn't hate jiang cheng for it; he lets go of these things and focuses on what good he can do in the present.

jiang cheng thinks further into the future - what would happen to him if he continued vouching for wei wuxian and taking his side? what about jiang cheng's face, his sect's face? would wei wuxian even care to reciprocate somehow? everyone expects him to cut off wei wuxian for being dangerous, for threatening his position, for...

do you see what i mean? to call jiang cheng selfless for falling in line with exactly what people expected him to do after the war is not only wrong, it's foolish.

"but they faked their falling-out!" okay. why fake it to begin with, except to protect jiang cheng and the jiang sect's own face? is that selfless? who does it ultimately serve to protect? wei wuxian canonically internalizes the idea that he stains all that he touches, including lan wangji, and agrees to the fake fight because he doesn't want to cause the jiang sect harm. regardless, it eventually slides into a true falling-out, and in the end jiang cheng is more or less unscathed reputation-wise while wei wuxian falls.

that isn't selfless. it's many things! it's respecting his clan and his ancestors, it's making a good plan for the future of his sect and cultivation... but it isn't a truly selfless in the interest of what's right rather than in the interest of duty and what's good for him and his family lineage.

that brings me to my next point: even though wei wuxian hid the truth of the golden core transfer, jiang cheng spent nearly 20 years believing that the golden core "renewal" he was given was a birthright gift of wei wuxian's from baoshan-sanren, an immortal sect teacher of wei wuxian's mother's and a martial elder to wei wuxian.

of course we all know that's a big fat lie, but jiang cheng believed that wei wuxian gave up a critical emergency use gift to him for decades! he was lied to, yes, but jiang cheng immediately agreed without even needing to be convinced. the light in his dead eyes came back with hope the moment wei wuxian even said baoshan-sanren's name. he accepted wei wuxian's offer to give that up to him and take it via identity theft without missing a beat.

with how mysterious and revered baoshan-sanren is, that's obviously not a light sacrifice to just give up to anyone, no matter how close they might be to you. pretending to be wei wuxian to take the gift could even be considered dangerous. what if she found out and got offended? could wei wuxian be hurt by that?

jiang cheng doesn't even hesitate. wei wuxian is the one who mentions that if jiang cheng doesn't pretend to be him, the immortal master could get angry and they'd both be goners. and funnily enough, the day they do go to "the mountain", jiang cheng is the one worried and suspiciously wondering if wei wuxian was lying to him or had misremembered.

of course they've both been traumatized like hell prior to this point. but still: it speaks to how broken he was at the moment as well as to his character overall.

i digress: jiang cheng "gets his golden core back" via what he believed was a gift that should've been wei wuxian's to use in serious emergencies. rather than use it for himself, wei wuxian risked his own safety and gave it to jiang cheng... and jiang cheng still ends up embittered and angry, believing that wei wuxian is arrogant and selfish.

if he truly views them as 100% brothers and equals with no caveats, why would he think that way? it's not like he needs to grovel before wei wuxian for doing that, or to reciprocate... but this is what i mean when i say jiang cheng feels he is owed things by wei wuxian. wei wuxian's actions hold a very different weight in jiang cheng's mind, and jiang cheng himself doesn't ever act the same way, except once.

is it wrong for him to feel like he is owed something? it depends. many asian cultures, including my own, feel that a person owes their family in ways that may not make sense to westerners. for example, it's considered normal for a child to owe their parents for giving birth to them, or to other caretakers for feeding, clothing, sheltering, educating them, etc.

however, something like verbally saying "thank you" or "i'm sorry" to family is considered crazy- why would you owe that? you're supposed to inconvenience your family; saying thank you or sorry is the sort of thing you say to a stranger or acquaintance. i get half-seriously lectured by my elders on this a lot even now, even though they know such phrases are just considered good manners in the US.

this muddies up the idea of wei wuxian being jiang cheng's family vs his family's charge or servant even more. jiang cheng wants wei wuxian to be close... but ultimately doesn't really choose to use what power he DOES have to protect wei wuxian. he considers himself still owed something that in his mind wei wuxian flagrantly never repays.

this isn't even getting into how despite spending a majority of his time with the yiling patriarch he never once noticed that wei wuxian stopped using any spiritual power-based cultivation. even lan wangji, who met them far more rarely, realized that something was wrong and that wei wuxian had taken some sort of spiritual damage, hence the "come with me to gusu".

of course manpain is fun and i'm not immune to the juicy idea of them reconciling and talking things out... but jiang cheng is deeply mired in his own desire to be "above" wei wuxian in multiple ways, and doesn't realize the extent of wei wuxian's actions, the intentions behind them, and the consequences wei wuxian knowingly faced for them.

to not recognize this about jiang cheng, especially in the novels, is really revisionist if you ask me. i reiterate that i really do like him a lot. he's flawed, angry, traumatized and has poor coping mechanisms, an overall fascinating character... but he is not selfless nor ideal, and i seriously draw the line at people saying he is.

wen ning shoves this all into his face at lotus pier to disastrous results. it is the reason why jiang cheng's a total mess at guanyin temple, and the reason jiang cheng ultimately doesn't tell wei wuxian about the fact that he ran towards the wens on purpose.

for that one last act of his to have really been selfless, he needs to not seek anything in return. he did it purely because it was right to do to protect someone else. if that means wei wuxian never finds out about it, so be it.

that moment that ended up causing jiang cheng irreversible harm is not a debt that wei wuxian owes him. it hurts, but no matter how bitter it is, that realization is so important to him changing in the future.

#keri chats #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jiang cheng #long post #this is NOT anti/crit for him btw i like him a lot i just feel like nobody interprets him the way i perceive him #which even then my interpretation is p nebulous... worth saying i also heavily disagree w ppl who think of him as an evil shithead #he's upper class & steeped in jianghu politics/self preservation. flawed as hell human being but they're all war criminals lbr it's #Magical Genocide and War Crimes: The Novel #anyway this post is messy as fuck but if u read all of it: thank u. if u agree with me: ilu. i wish more ppl understood revenge ethics #as they stand in asian cultures and history vs in western (almost always culturally christian) cultures #it's unclear how far in the future the extras are but at one pt he's ''the same as ever'' which at best indicates slow emotional growth #and like. ykw? i don't think he'll be repressed bitter angry thinking abt his losses n pain forever. i think he can grow i believe in him #i have so many thoughts on this i could've made this post go on forever augh

[hydrodragons]

genshin impact gif challenge ✦

[1/?] story quests → diluvies chapter, act i: the remains of the past day

"you will see much in the human world, from the delightful to the depressing. and one day, when you have dwelt among humanity long enough, you will be placed to bring judgment over all as the spokesperson for fontaine's past."

#genshin impact #genshinedit #genshinimpactedit #genshinet #neuvillette #mine* #neuvillette* #gifchallenge* #*incoherent sobbing* NEUVILLETTEEEEEEEE #i love his sq so fucking much it made me sob like a baby after i was done with it #(still makes me sob every time i think about this quest ngl) #you don't understand i had venti's sq as my favourite for So Long bc of the emotional impact it left on me after it was done #and then this dropped in 4.1 and it immediately rose up to be my fave THAT is how good it is to me #everything about neuvi just completely shattered my initial expectations of him and it includes this quest it's soskjdhfskj #NEUVILLETTE I LOVE U #im so normal about him i swear #also i'll be making a separate gifset for him later down the line for this challenge #bc he's very lore relevant im waiting to see if he'll get more involvement in a possible interlude quest or if he gets a second sq #same goes for furina im just waiting until 4.6 to see what happens basically LMAO

[cthulhum]

the way i see it the supernatural finale could be interpreted as disrespectful and a slap in the face to the characters who fought so hard to create their own story, write their own destiny, define all odds and live their lives outside of gods will in this case but personally to me the whole "this was always gonna end like this", "love was there and it didn't chnage anything. but it still matters that the love was there", and the fact that their story and legacy will live on and the fact that sam and dean died the way they were introduced to us in the very first episode and the way both characters always predicted,, is kind of,, its kind of beautiful,..

#don't get me wrong i kind of hate the finale #i wouldve loved an ambiguous very much open ending i feel like that wouldve been the besg choice tbh #but its okay #let me find beauty and symbolism in the disappointment #dean u shouldve lived such a long life u shouldve had many days of comfort and happiness #no like he actually fr had none of those and ACTUALLY #i will always love you dean winchester my favorite character in the world #dean winchester #supernatural #destiel #sam winchester #sam i love u so much sometimes i feel like i understand u on such a deep deep level its amazing #castiel my beloved u deserved so much better #i fully blame the writers for everything #and john winchester #fuck john winchester

[popiplant]

finally finished this mf GOD IM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN

#stfu popi #ortismypassion #long ass post my bad ugm watch this get two likes #demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #zenitsu agatsuma #inosuke hashibira #tanjiro kamado #can u tell whicj ones my favorite i totally cant lmaoo #anyways i should do refs for these mf i have so many small.. extra details i kept forgetting #also dont look at zentisus lightning scars for too long i somehow fucked some of them up and they ended up looking like vines #ok bye more zenitsu soon (probably not) #((dont ever trust my words)) #WAIT EDIT IM COMING BACK #HIDDEN INOZEN/INOTAN/INOTANZEN AGENDA??!!??1?1?2????2?3?$? #or u cab see these as platonic i don't care love is love we are free goodbye

[rebornrosess]

i think there is something to be said about queer subtext in glass animals songs almost always being likened to obscurity and murkiness throughout zaba vs explicit queer text being likened to the sun in helium as in…literally coming out into the light.

#i could write a whole essay about this like genuinely #my zaba masterdoc is like 50 pages long #if u don't understand dave's weird mumbling that's on you #because to me it's alllll connected #and not to overstep but dave has talked about gender and masculinity a lot and is very vague about his sexuality #so i hope this doesn't come off as invasive but when you look at his writing through this lens like...it's truly in the text #comparing tasting a man to the sun like what the fuck do you think that means #zaba is just more abstract and tbh big if true but i think its purposeful abstraction is a great expression of queerness #and a search for a primal truth and a hidden world that challenges your previous worldview #zaba #dreamland #glass animals #maya.txt

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like .... #tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON. #yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!! #their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!! #like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!! #aND THEY ARE!!! #something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT. #he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

[tumblasha]

europe is so interesting. they treat me like a cute kid, backpacking across europe at age 21. the next second they ask me why i'm responsible for gun violence in the united states.

#it's just so irritating #after my first night out in barcelona i introduced myself as peruvian exclusively #bc fjweiaofjreaogehw #they care sm abt american ex-pats gentrifying lisbon #(which is a problem) #but they don't care about literally any of the other clear as fucking day problems in their continent #i introduced myself as american #(texan moving to californian) #and then asked for my opinions on anti-queer laws; pro-gun laws; and why i still 'support' the country #i just happen to live therefjewiaofjreioag #this one parisian thought that we never learned abt the renaissance like #how much do u wanna bet they never learned abt any usa renaissances (harlem; french language rebirth in louisiana; etc) #cw: gun violence mention #gun #gun mention #so at least now i know i can't live in europe long-term #dash rambles #tonight is a night to think abt my spain speed-run #and then move on to portugal where hopefully they understand me #if it weren't for the tourism (english-speakers) i would've been in trouble in barcelona bc catalan doesn't sound as spanish-y as it reads

[gingerbreadmonsters]

not even panicking . idek what ur saying why would ever be worried abt this

#head in hands #trial practice for tap class is in about 20 minutes and im just about remaining sane #GAHHHH this is so stressful #they do not really speak english and i do not really speak japanese so this will be exciting #plus the class is like..... 2hrs long lol #BUT WE FUCKING MOVE OK IM BEING SO BRAVE #IM GOING TO GO TO THE CLASS AND SEE WHAT ITS LIKE #ITS GOING TO BE FINE IM SURE THEY WILL ALL BE NICE AND LOVELY #tap people generally are i find #i will go to the class and do some tap and not die of a stress induced heart attack because ITS SOMETHING I LOVE #AND ILL DO IT #and if it sucks and i hate it then fuck it. i never have to see these goddamn people ever again if i don't want to #hopefully i WILL want to. bc its gonna be great and im gonna love it #I HAVE FAITH #I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE 😭😭🥳 #i will update u guys when i get back 🫡 #if its fab i will recommend it #and if it sucks we will roast it mercilessly #either way i am being very brave today and i am sharing this bravery with u as well 🫶🫡 #the little gay people in my phone believe in me and i will not disappoint #just the same way that i believe in you too ✊🥳

[nevarroes]

I absolutely adore Cas and i have to ask: how is/ was his relationship with his dear sister Orin?

thank yu sm for liking him...🥺

Orin well, Cas never really saw her as his sister anyways (especially since he has or... had an actual brother) just some Bhaalist that sucked up 2 him like all the others did (who he also hates. btw. Mr “is there no one bearable in this fucking cult?!” Carnarvon😭)

I like to think Orin spent quite a bit of time around him at first just because she tried to get at his weaknesses so Cas already DESPISED her ass at this point just for that. not like he had reason to get rid of her though he would just call her “peculiar looking” and step on her bare toes with his hard fucking metal heels sometimes. Oh he also definitely told her that her tits were small all the time🔥 all in all really makes sense that she wanted him dead and gone even beyond her other reasonings… just saying!

as for after the… events err.... so first of all gore/potential unsettling description warning!

He killed her by slowly removing every single bone in her body, leaving the crucial ones for the end while forcibly keeping her alive and awake so she’d have to die as painfully as possible over the course of a few days while kind of being turned into a... lump of flesh, if u will

Mostly this hatred just came from the disrespect that he felt Orin had towards him and the fact that Orin kind of thought she could replace not only his position but basically who he was, if that makes sense? (Considering that he in general always held the respect of people and the love of Bhaal which Orin always wanted) But the thing is that Cas' superiority complex just cannot take this at all, knowing that someone not only disrespects him to this extent but also thinks that they could be equal/better than him

I also entertain the thought that Cas and Gortash getting close is what was the last straw for her tbh just because she's like "are you fuckign serious. you are stupid enough to take a liking to GORTASH?"

#blakemail #sorry this errrr. is a bit long😭 #on a side note though I don't really fuck with the amnesia thing for Cas at all #so I just like to think that he slowly regained his memories like a little side quest.... #game character that falls to the ground dramatically and remembers a little and writhes in pain. u get my vision #cas lore

[akhaste]

Lee Yoon - Song of the Bandits Sketchs/ Studies 1920's & 1890's

Bonus: 1920's, but without the 'stache

#song of the bandits #lee yoon #kim nam gil #도적 #descriptions are on the 1890's close ups if u want the general historic background/ timeline I'm thinking of! #The hold this show & this man have over all my remaining brain cells #I'm still very HHHHHHHH about all the backstory they apparently saved? for S2?? and going all AHHHHH about it #also early 1900s fashion my beloved <3 #but ngl lil salty we were likely robbed of the hanbok content so i'm adding it here <3 #and Yoon w/ long hair...our time was too short but you will live forever in my heart <3 <3 <3 #so here ya go. very much in the spirit of make the content you wanna see #side note: while figuring out the timeline for this I realized there is. a 9 year gap. between Yoon's emancipation and the ball scene #9 YEARS. ALMOST A WHOLE DECADE. THAT WE KNOW 0 THINGS ABOUT. #LIKE WHAT WAS HE DOING THEN!!! HOW DID HE GET BY!! WHAT WAS HIS LIFE LIKE!!! WHAT WERE HIS RELATIONSHIPS LIKE!!!!! I WANNA KNOW!!!!! #this also means when we start the show it's been like. 20 years??? since Yoon was a free man??? #also somehow this makes his relationship with gwangil even more fucked up i don't know what to do with this 😭 #i mean it's assuming the timeline is strictly historical but #this is all i'm gonna think about now #I need every year and character in this show accounted for i'm not even joking #my art #my art*kng

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache

#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least) #mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation #“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist #rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity) #no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people #anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately: #“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH #YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH #youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH #carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh #“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense #2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory #“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида” #<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand” #i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me #let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple #“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘” #avart #m2 #i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional #dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him #tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him #sorry. not normal bout them. not at all . #rocco & carlo