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storiesofsvu · 17 days

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happy thursday hoes. time for some law and some order

Well fuck…what an opening..

“but there are definitely still traces of blood” girl… that hammer is COATED wtf…

I would like to point out that the way Kate runs her squad is the legit way that squads run. The CO (whether it be captain, lieutenant or sarge) is gonna stay in the office, they’re piled up with paperwork, the brass, putting out fires, they’re not out in the field…. Like svu. Ugh. I’m already not prepared for svu tonight, I’ve been watching through velasco’s eps and his older seasons were so good, esp compared to this year…

So we’re really doing this Ukraine surrogate/adoption plot line again, hey?

(I mean it is slightly different so far but like, it’s the same idea, right lol)

Samantha crushing it in the wardrobe dept as per usual

I like this new DA so much more than mccoy. Sorry not sorry.

I haven’t been paying too much attention to what’s going on (surprise) BUT, wtf does this case have to do with the grand jury that was taking place at the beg of the ep? With the girl all “he doesn’t know I’m here, right?” like, that girl was the murder vic? Or am I on crack? What is the connection?!

Uugggh… saaaammm my baby just needs a HUUUGGG

Okay, im actively not watching Toronto, see ya in an hour for svu.

Starting off with some personal, at home comfort. This is what we’ve been asking for forever (now give us rollisi at home pls).

OHHH GOD WHY ARE WE ALREADY BACK TO THE MADDIE SHIT FFS.

“I googled you”

Oh booooyyy are we in for it now. HOW MUCH DOES NOAH KNOW?! CAUSE LORD KNOWS HE PROBABLY FELL DOWN A PIT OF NEWS ARTICLES.

WHY

WE DO NOT NEED TO BRING WL BACK TO THIS SHIT LET US HAVE SOME PEACE PLS.

Okay so we finally did get noah discovering where he came from. Woof.

Olivia kinda sucks at parenting sometimes. Like… he’s a kid, he’s an *adopted* kid who already knows about gramma Sheila and ellie… he’s gonna be curious, he’s gonna wonder, also what kid HASN’T snooped through their parents private things? Like yeah it’s not ideal… it’d be best for him to ask you a question and you slowly reveal into things or whatever but we all know she just would’ve shut him down right away anyways.

Lowkey love those heart lights in noahs room, ngl.

I’m not gonna lie. If it was olivia I’d be more concerned about him knowing/reading about William lewis and all the shit that went down than finding out johnny d was his dad…

You know what I think? I think this would be a great time to call you bestie amanda and have her over for a bottle of wine while you talk this through and see what jessie knows about her dad/how amanda’s gonna approach that. Also like, does billie just think sonny’s her dad or does she know? LOL. But will that happen? Obviously not.

Okay you know what, carisi is the second best bet so I’ll take this.

Olivia really needs to catch a fucking break

Carisi you sit like a whore. But we already knew that.

Is there not a way to trace this call? Or like, I know the phone is about to die but like…find my iphone even works on dead phones…use the stepmoms phone rn to find out where she is. Easy fix. Use your brains.

Man… parents on these shows are always so fucking trusting of their kids and they think they know everything about them. Like...what world are we living in?

Awweeee lil carisi back in cop mode!

Girl… you barely looked in that one, that’s not clear

Me: where do I know this actor playing the step mom from?

Checks imbd: ah. She’s been on svu as a diff character before. Of course.

We love a good parent who immediately offers up all their money to pay ransom of their kids bff with no question.

I swear to god it wasn’t raining 5 seconds ago.. I get that these are likely filmed on diff days but that really came outta nowhere

Olivia’s drenched and velasco’s barely wet… wtf lol

Oh god she’s really about to go feral isn’t she? Like, even velasco’s nervous af.

That’s exactly what I knew he was gonna say. Like, liv should’ve just said she was dead.

Okay what about the other three perps? Where are they?

JESUS FUCK. Velasco… be mean to me. yell at me.. degrade me. jfc.

Okay I love that when she told Velasco to put the perp in her car he was all “uh… that a good idea boss?” kinda unsure thing but as soon as she started going feral he was just all “yup. Okay. I know how to do this.” And was totally on board. That’s my boi

“youre lucky im not in IAB anymore” damn right bitch.

That’s a cozy ass looking sweater liv has on and I want it

He already knows about ellie…why are we starting there?

I can’t wait until this conversation sparks a “hey… can we go see grama Sheila? Is she still sick?” and liv THEN has to explain that gramma Sheila is in fact in JAIL because she kidnapped him

Okay… that episode was honestly really good. It was a nice balance of the at home/personal lives and the case.

OC time.

Pls god have a last time on cause I do not remember what was happening… baby bro joe was doing heroine? That’s all I remember

Is this his apartment or elliots apt? it looks similar but also I like it better lol.

Bernie is a blessing to this show.

Elliot all “an intervention?” as if they didn’t host one for him like two years ago?

Also I JUST watched the ep with Muncy’s brother this week and that actor is baby boy joe stabler so this is throwing me off.

Is this an apt or a hotel? CAUSE ITS GORGEOUS!! HOW TF ARE THESE STABLER MEN AFFORDING THIS SHIT IN NYC?!

“we don’t do that…” jet. Another fucking legend on this show

SO glad Bell’s back.

Clearly im not paying attention to this ep in case anyone’s wondering (and yes, it is because it’s a stabler ep…)

Leave it to stabler to be there less than 5 mins before beating someone

OH MY GODDDDD BELL LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN THAT BLUE SHIRT

Thank god bell had bobby with her cause homegirl had a cane last week, there’d be no way she should be on a foot chase rn. Lol

Omg jet and bobby UC yet AGAIN. I fucking love it.

Jet being absolutely the person that likely annoys the hell outta her, love that.

#law and order svu #svu #law and order #law and order special victims unit #law and order spoilers #spoilers #svu spoilers #law and order organized crime

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storiesofsvu2-0 · 1 year

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l & o thursday

Okay…. Happy Thursday. Y’all know the drill.

Also yay city tv for airing these in the wrong order as per usual… I don’t know how much of a 2 parter svu and oc are but we’re getting oc first here…

Ah. Yes. Okay. They are completely and totally related and im getting part 2 first. Love that. Why is citytv like this?

Are we just jumping into this without addressing the Kathy hallucination or whatever that was? Seriously?

Ah! Okay, here we go. Thank you.

Ugh god. Elliot just get over your manchild bullshit already. im sick of it

Elliot reacting like that over Oscar papa… homeboy clearly doesn’t know about William lewis…

k… I lowkey trust bell talking with the perp but like… her lawyer is there, she’s lawyered up… any ada on svu would be having a field day right now… like… these are two cops. They can’t be making deals. Just cause they say they wont press charges or whatever the da might still have to…

man… I adore Ayanna so fucking much. I also love how little she holds back facial expressions, like… same girl… same…

bruh… if you thought this was a JOKE why would you put down FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!

Bobby and his sandwich LOOOLL.

“it’s attempted murder not the express checkout line.” Yup. Bell has the best one liners.

This episode is giving major criminal minds vibes. And then amanda is going to be brought in as a “profiler” like… cmon… (also I don’t even wanna talk about that… like…her being a professor is already ridiculous. But to also be a profiler? Like… sure she’s smart and has a forensics degree but she aint that smart…she would be a terrible profiler…)

They’re STILL making fast and furious movies?! Jfc.

“carisi can’t keep his mouth shut” and “she left me a message” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Like, those two were BESTIES, and you’re telling me they wouldn’t actually keep in touch?! Esp over something like this? Like noah, billie and jessie had play dates all the time, they hungout together, carisi still works with liv. This is so fucking dumb. Like… yes I get it, if you leave a job you start another one and might not keep up with the people you used to from the previous ones, but the ones who really mean something keep in touch. This is something that drives me INSANE about tv shows cause a cast member will leave and it’s as if the characters will NEVER see each other again. I get it, sometimes the actors can’t come back or don’t want to, but like… a mention here or there, a sense of reality?? It’s no wonder Liv is always alone and mopey over shit. Life is a two way street ma’am, if you keep shutting out people who “leave” you then guess what? You’re not gonna have anyone left! (still don’t condone Elliot’s behaviour but like… we don’t’ care about him here)

Mothership:

“you’re bleeding.” “yeah… bullets’ll do that to you” *proceeds to collapse*

So naturally I was not paying that much attention, but why tf did they only charge him with one count of murder? He should have also been charged with attempted murder of the other girl and attempted murder/assault of a police officer?

Anyway. Now it’s svu time. Bring me my bebes.

Jesus that’s fucking terrifying. Could you imagine coming across that on a run?! Jesus.

Carisi was so friggin cute when he spilt the beans to liv, fucking adorable.

I got distracted making gifs. Oops.

Loving muncy and churlish partnered up, their banter and shit is good, I accept

Liv being all “doesn’t everyone in staten island know each other” and carisi pulling her chain is hilarious

Omg these girls are both like fucking 5 foot nothing and 90lbs and elias is a giant this is not gonna end well…

Thank god churlish kept the gun on him, smart girl.

Okay I think some of this is less intriguing to me because ive already seen OC

Oh god..joe is yelling… im turned on…

They literally put muncy in a plaid shirt that has the bisexual flag colours on it… COME ON.

HOLY SHIT. Christ. I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THAT WAS COMING. Muncy needs a hug, and probably some therapy…

I absolutely do not want Velasco and muncy together. That being said. I would adore muncy and churlish or Velasco and churlish.. but I cant decide which one I like more…

Welp, that’s it for tonight. Maybe see you next week.

#law and order #law and order svu #law and order organized crime #svu #spoilers #law and order spoilers #svu spoilers

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anxiouspotatorants · 3 years

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It is time. It is finally time for the new Suicide Squad rant (and spoilers will be plentiful):

As someone who was into DC Comics and comics in the mid to late 2010s and had so much hype for the first Suicide Squad movie only to be let down, I was so nervous for this one. I knew it was going to be a roller coaster, but whether I would come out happy or disappointed was up in the air. Having just seen it I will say this: I have no idea if this was a good movie-movie. It was insane. The comedy. The violence. The high emotion. I’m still trying to take it all in. But one thing I do know is that this is an amazing Suicide Squad movie. Gunn and co took the best parts of the comic concept and went batshit with it and that is how this property should be handled (in my opinion). Screw edgelordisms, we need full on insanity free of aiming for shock-value or sexy brutality we want chaos baby.

Starting the whole movie as they did, with Savant as the POV for a mission (or part of the mission) that just goes to hell immediately and kills off so many before the title arrives is the perfect way to start this movie. Like the second I realized this was how they were doing it I was just smiling from ear to ear, this is the spirit of the property.

Part of me wishes we got more Amanda Waller, but what we had was impeccable. Then again, this is Viola Davis we’re talking about, and if she was born to play any character in a superhero story, it is Amanda Waller.

And points to her tech team, introducing them with the death bets was just a lovely way to show how regular this is and how awful everyone is in this movie.

I’m not going to pretend like Deadshot and Bloodsport didn’t have the exact same character- and plot premises… but I will say that Bloodsport felt better executed.

I love that they kept some of the past members and not just Harley. Rick Flag got to have a full personality and interactions with his team members and to be a true leader and it made me so happy for someone who initially did not give a single shit about his character. The Harley friendship? The Dubois friendship? The friendship with that guerilla leader? Amazing. The one American soldier in fictional media I genuinely like. You go Mr Flag.

The new members were… they were insane in the best way. Gone are the shitty stereotypes and present are some of the wackiest creations to ever grace the mainstream movie-sphere (aka the slightly less normal comic creations): A man who has to shoot out polka dots two times a day so as not to die from a space virus. A giant child murdering weasel. A guy who detaches his limbs and slaps people with said detached limbs. King Shark. The second person to command rats with a fancy gadget. They are all crazy and all weird and all more or less morally repulsive people and I love them.

The amount of times I did a double take over the soundtrack I swear. Jessie Reyez? The Pixies? It was so much fun to pick up on once I did.

Was the depiction of a vague Latin American country stereotypical? Yes. Was the secret American involvement predictable and felt mildly patronizing from a non-American, part Latina point of view? Yep. But damn it if I didn’t have a good time with those stereotypes and laugh my ass off at how well executed some were. I don’t know if it was meant as parody, but that one secretary has me thinking so — and if so I am pleased.

Speaking of Latino dictators Harley’s one day romance with one of the villains was something I never knew I needed. Like it was so perfect for Harley that when it happened I almost hit myself for not realizing that this kind of plot should be a normal thing for Harley. And the end of it? Perfect not only in this standalone movie, but also in conjunction with the first and with BoP.

The Taika Waititi cameo??? Oh my god??? I did not expect that and I love it?? Sir, What We Do in the Shadows is impeccable.

Rick Flag’s death actually surprised me. It shouldn’t as this is Suicide Squad, but I kind of expected him to be on Harley’s level of unkillable (because let’s face it, no one kills Harley). What I will say is that his death was good and his final words and actions made me love him all the more. I hope this spawns more Rick Flag content, or at least inspires me to look at what already exists, if he already is as this movie made him (it’s been ages since I read one of the Suicide Squad reboot comics okay).

Starro. How can a villain be so wacky and so terrifying at the same time? I did not expect a literal alien starfish to have more terrifying powers and a more tragic plot execution than Enchantress. But here we are. And that damn star just wanted to be floating in space, and instead it was stuck getting revenge by killing and puppeteering human corpses. Wow that thing was creepier the more you think about it.

I don’t know what I think about Polka Dot Man. I loved watching him on screen but also damn those mommy-issues were on a new level. Not just in his backstory but how he literally sees her in every person around him that was insane. Very funny but like also the kind that makes you laugh just because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how else to releive the tension.

When Waller got knocked out by a staff member I immediately thought «oh my god Amanda Waller is going to kill half the staff for this», so I’m mildly surprised and disappointed that I didn’t get to see that happen. But also I should maybe expect something like this in a potential future Suicide Squad movie. We can’t have everything in a movie as packed as this.

Peacemaker was very horrible and worked really well. Don’t really have much to say about him, not because I didn’t enjoy him but because I already feel like the film itself has said it for me. But the planting and payoff for his death? Chef’s. Kiss.

Harley’s wardrobe was beautiful. Ratcatcher 2’s combat outfit felt like a steampunk plague dream. Bloodsport’s mask was supercool. Rick Flag’s t-shirt was amazing. But the best little outfit was the Mafalda-keychain and her red dress, hands down. Oh and King Shark’s fake moustache finger moment.

King Shark is shaped like a friend I don’t care how many people he ate alive on screen he looks so huggable. It feels like wanting to pet a bear. You know it will kill you but damn it look at those paws and those cute eyes!

I really need to give it to not just James Gunn but the entire production team for this movie. The aesthetic was perfect. The story was the right blend of whimsical and violent. The finished product was a literal rollercoaster and I mean that in a good way. If superhero movies have to be like amusement parks, I hope they’re more like this one and BoP.

I’ll finish on the note that while I think this movie was great and hopefully a step in the right direction for the DCU/DCEU (as in stop trying to play Marvel’s game and just do your own thing/ let your creative teams run wild and free), it is not the first step. Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey and the production team for it took a step first, and they deserve due credit and attention. If you loved this Suicide Squad movie and haven’t watched BoP yet, do so. Because they really are in the same ballpark while doing things in slightly different ways. And any good DCEU movie deserves more attention so the studios know that creativity and risks should be rewarded. I want more DC movies like this, not necessarily in genre but in creative risks. I want a Black Canary rock movie. I want Alfred in a reverse heist movie alone in the batcave against Gotham villains. I want Gotham Academy on screen play by play from the comics. I want a fully animated psychedelic-like Khalid Nassour as Dr. Fate movie. I want elevated horror movie Constantine. I want weird ass Lois Lane journalist movies with a heavy side of Superman. And I want DC movies I didn’t even know I wanted.

Support creativity in mainstream comic movies. Help me become a DC fan and happy about it again.

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demigodreading · 2 years

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Making Up For Lost Time

Summary: Ella keeps running the conversation between Olivia and Elliot in her brain. The words You Were The Most Important Person In My Life playing a constant repeating tape of guilt for sending Elliot away all those years ago. After a tip from Amanda Olivia rushes to make sure that her eldest daughter knows that she is safe and loved. Also please note this my lovies is the second to last chapter of the Baby Benson Series. I am going to come back and insert some more chapters but this series is a little messy so I am going to clean it up once I move on the next installment of Ella Benson

Characters: Olivia Benson, Amanda Rollins, Ella Alina Benson. Mentions of: Elliot Stabler, Noah Benson, Jessie Rollins, Billie Rollins

Relationship: Olivia Benson x Amanda Rollins, Olivia Benson x Daughter

Word Count: 1569

Warnings: Mentions of Self Harm, Self Deprecation, Episode Spoilers

Request: I was wondering if you could do a oneshot where you explore what Olivia said about Elliot being the most important person in her life more deeply when her daughter overheard her? Maybe her daughter confronts her? @ynsimagines (Sooo it isn’t a one shot but I was already planning on doing this for the Baby Benson series so I decided to put this request here.)

AO3

Previous Chapter~~Next Chapter

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Ella was in her room looking out the window towards all of the city lights. Rain was gently falling on the glass. A sight she typically loved but today it made her sad. She was heading home to her dorm tomorrow after the incident. It wasn’t that Ella didn’t enjoy being at home. Ella loved being around her little siblings. She had even let Noah and Jessie take turns sleeping in her room with her. But it was time for her to go back to her dorm. Where she had some space to think. Some separation away from Olivia who had been on edge and snappy ever since Elliot came crashing back in their life. It gave her an opportunity to have the scars on her wrist heal instead of hiding them every second of the day.

A thing that she currently wasn’t hiding at the moment because she was sure everyone else in the house was asleep. She had heard Billie wake up momentarily and then after being soothed back to sleep her mothers had retreated to their room and it had been silent ever since. She traced the lines mindlessly thinking the words that had been haunting her for weeks repeating in her head: You were the single most important person in my life. Deep down in Ella’s heart, she knew that she was to blame for the absence of Olivia’s favorite partner. If only she could take the day she got shot back maybe he would have stayed. Maybe their whole life would have been different. A complicated thought because that gave the option that Amanda wouldn’t be her mother. It was all of the unknowns that kept her up late at night. The what-ifs that plagued every moment of her day. She hoped returning to school would give her some separation to see the bigger picture.

As she leaned her head against the window there was a light knock on the door. Without waiting for an answer Olivia entered the room.

“A little birdie told me to come check on you. I was wondering if we could talk,” Olivia said stepping further inside.

“Damnit Amanda,” Ella whispered.

“Ella… did you hear the conversation between Elliot and me at the hospital?”

“Where you told him that he was the most important person in your life,” Ella laughed bitterly, “How could I ever forget?”

“Sweetheart…”

“Don’t even try Mom. I always knew I wasn’t the most important thing in your world.”

All of the breath escaped from Olivia’s chest as the words cut her like a knife. It sounded like something she would have told her mother all those years ago. Words riddled with anger and poison but most importantly sadness. A sadness that came from never feeling good enough to the one person that approval meant the most from. The one feeling that she never wanted her daughter to have.

Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back tears threatening to spill down her face at any moment, “Ella you need to understand something. Nothing in this world is more important than you.”

“That’s not what you told Elliot,” Ella retorted finally looking at her mother.

The look of tears brimming in Olivia’s eyes made all of Ella’s anger fade away. She had the same look like the day she had drawn a gun on Ella in her PTSD post-Lewis episodes. Ella wanted to take everything she had said back but she couldn’t. Her feelings were hurt and it was time that her mom had acknowledged her.

“Ever since Elliot has shown up you have been so different. You have been angry, bitter, closed off… you haven’t been my mom. All I want is my mom back,” Ella sighed ignoring the tears that fell down her cheeks.

“Elliot’s return has been… complicated to say the least. His exit from my life...our life was so abrupt it left so many unanswered questions. Answers that I have foolishly been trying to search for since he has come back. I needed that closure. I needed to know why he left… and why he effectively abandoned everything he had here.”

“It’s all my fault… if I had never gotten shot that day maybe he would have stayed. Our life could have been so different. You wouldn’t have lost the best part of your world.”

“Ella, my sweetest girl, you are the best part of my world. None of this is your fault at all. Elliot should have never pulled the trigger that day. He knew better. He could have faced the consequences but instead, he ran. He ran because he knew he did something horribly wrong. He didn’t even apologize… he is the bad guy here. Not you.”

When Ella didn’t respond Olivia crawled across the bed till they were sitting with their knees touching. She gently cupped her daughter’s cheek her thumb wiping away the tears, “I love you. More than anything in the entire world. My world is a better place because you are in it. You are a beautiful young woman and I am so proud of who you are becoming. You are a light in my life and to everyone that you meet. Nothing and I mean nothing is more important than having you in my life.”

“What about Noah, Jessie, Billie, and Amanda?”

Olivia giggled, “All of them hold a special place in my life too. But you- my mini me- will always be my favorite eldest daughter.”

Ella smiled and then extended her arms out to Olivia. Her mother grabbed her in a large bear hug and tackled her to the bed beginning to tickle her sides. Ella burst out into a fit of giggles and held her wrists up to try and defend herself. That is when Olivia finally saw the scars and stopped abruptly. She ran her finger over Ella’s wrist gently causing her daughter to cry.

“I’m so sorry Mom. I shouldn’t have…”

Olivia merely placed a kiss on Ella’s forehead before hugging her close, “Tomorrow will be better.”

Olivia continued to wipe the tears from Ella’s face until she settled down. She laid her head on Olivia’s chest and whispered, “Nine years down the drain.”

“Where is it hidden?”

“Behind the mirror in the bathroom.”

“You know I am going to get rid of it right?” Olivia asked and Ella nodded, “Are there any in your dorm?”

“No,” Ella replied, “Are you mad?”

“Only at myself for not being here to help you when you needed it the most,” Olivia answered, “You are doing your best and that is all I could ask for. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

After the tears had calmed the two Bensons laid next to each other. They watched the twinkle lights that were strung all over the ceiling for a moment before Olivia broke the silence.

“He told me he loved me today,” She whispered.

The words hung in the air as Ella decided how to unpack what had just been said. As the silence extended Oliva became more and more nervous.

“Do you love him?” Ella asked simply.

Olivia sighed, “I used to but never in the way he wanted me to love him. I loved him like a brother. A best friend. He was the one I imagined walking me down the aisle to a beautiful woman…”

“Wait! You have wanted to marry a woman this whole time?” Ella laughed, “I had to go through you dating Cassidy and Hayden when you could have been dating a beautiful woman this whole time?”

“I married your mother did I not?” Olivia giggled in response.

“Thank god. Cause someone else would have snatched that beautiful blonde up and it would have been devastating.”

Olivia wrapped her arms around her daughter burying her head into her neck after a fit of giggles, “I love you so much.”

Ella hummed snuggling closer against her mom, “I love you too Mom. Will you drive me back to school tomorrow?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Olivia assured her and then gave her a kiss on the forehead, “Now get some rest baby girl.”

When Amanda woke to a cold and empty bed she threw back the covers and went to see where her beautiful wife had disappeared to. As she opened Ella’s door slightly she found her two favorite brunettes fast asleep Olivia’s snores bouncing off the walls in the room. She took a picture before kissing them each gently on the forehead. They stirred for a moment but then quickly fell back asleep. Before shutting off the lights Amanda whispered I love you.

The next morning after eating breakfast together Olivia and Ella drove back to her dorm singing along to all of their favorite songs on the radio. And as they stepped onto the elevator Ella saw a bright green poster that read: Calling all Criminal Justice Majors! Study abroad in London. Housing expenses and food paid for. Apply now!

“You should do it,” Olivia smiled seeing the gleam in her daughter’s eyes.

“Really? It would mean a year away… living in London,” Ella said hesitantly.

“And it would be the best year of your life. This has been your dream Ella. I say go for it.”

So later that night long after her mother had returned home. Ella sat with a tub full of cookie dough and filled out the application.

#ella alina benson series #ella alina benson #baby benson series #olivia benson #amanda rollins #elliot stabler #olivia benson x amanda rollins #olivia benson daughter #episode spoilers #tw: self harm #dem's requests #the series finale is coming up bebes

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phantomofthepairofdice · 3 years

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The Rosscars 2020

Wow. It’s that time of year again, only this time it’s different because it’s on a blog that no one will read! (hold for applause) Welcome to the first annual online publication for the Rosscars (hold for applause while the reader acknowledges how positively droll it is that I combined my name with “Oscars”). Who can forget such indelible Rosscar memories like when Steven Soderbergh surprised us all and won Best Director for Out of Sight or Bill Irwin’s beautiful speech upon winning Best Supporting Actor for Rachel Getting Married?! The Rosscars mean something different to everyone, but we all know that they mean quality choices made by a committee of one schmuck. This year’s Rosscars are bizarre because in an effort to be more like the Academy guidelines, film’s nominated have been released between January 1, 2020 and February 28, 2021. As usual, theatrical windows be damned, streamers are welcome. Of course, I have my gripes. I like categorizing movies by release year – specifically, when they become available to the plain old public like yours truly – not at festivals, limited runs in NYC and LA. Well, the Oscars are still weeks away and I feel like everybody wants to forget about last year and move onto this one that we’re already three months into - So here are my awards for the films, performers, and craftspeople that stood out in a pretty exceptional year for movies even though distribution was stranger than ever.

**A few caveats and guidelines to Rosscar newcomers (which I imagine is just a formality since we all know the Rosscars so well)**

The rules and categories are a little different around here. First, not every category is honored directly. That’s for a few reasons, chiefly that I don’t feel qualified to reward the technical categories properly – I suppose I should say that I feel less qualified to do so than the “above the line” categories. In keeping with the Academy standard, there are five nominees in each category, except for Best Picture, Best Non-Fiction/Documentary Feature, and Best Ensemble Cast which allow up to ten. Every category, save those three, will have the possibility of honorable mentions, because I want to highlight some things that just barely missed the cut. The narrowing down of a lot of these categories was awfully tough.

Nominees are listed alphabetically, and the winners are in bold and italics.

Also, it’s important to keep in mind that I couldn’t see everything (this isn’t a job and it’s still $20 to rent The Father, y’all) and that these are just the opinions of one (self-described) “bozo on the internet.” If you’re a reader and have different picks, feel free to share!

Special Commendations for some things that I want to recognize: • Ludwig Goransson for his Tenet score which is an absolute banger • The costumes of Emma. (Alexandra Byrne), Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (Ann Roth), and Small Axe (Jaqueline Durran, Sinéad Kidao, and Lisa Duncan) all struck me as exceptional • Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross with their scores for both Soul and Mank. Crazy that Pixar is working with the guy who made “Closer” • The cinematography of Da 5 Bloods (Newton Thomas Sigel), First Cow (Christopher Blauvelt), Beanpole (Kseniya Sereda), and A White, White Day (Maria von Hausswolff)

The Rosscars red carpet was, as usual, a bizarre affair. People filed into the theater and it seemed like the only encounters were awkward ones. Vin Diesel showed up in character as Bloodshot, Aaron Sorkin started getting really verbose about what a lovely night it was, and it became clear that most of the celebrities in attendance didn’t read their invitations closely enough to realize that this was not, in fact, the Academy Awards.

Everyone’s seated, and the show is under way. After a medley about the nominees this year by Common and Seth McFarlane that was more corny but clever than it was funny, the first official category is here, and the presenter is none other than... Ross!

Best Supporting Actor:

1. Chadwick Boseman for Da 5 Bloods

2. Matthew Macfadyen for The Assistant

3. Jesse Plemmons for Judas and the Black Messiah

4. Paul Raci for Sound of Metal

5. Glynn Turman for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Honorable Mentions:

• Lucas Hedges for Let Them All Talk

• Orion Lee for First Cow

• Bill Murray for On the Rocks

Best Supporting Actress:

1. Vanessa Bayer for Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

2. Candice Bergen for Let Them All Talk

3. Gina Rodriguez for Kajillionaire

4. Amanda Seyfried for Mank

5. Yuon Yuh-jung for Minari

Honorable Mentions:

• Jane Adams for She Dies Tomorrow

• Charin Alvarez for Saint Frances

• Talia Ryder for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

• Debra Winger for Kajillionaire

Everyone loves a montage. The audience gets comfortable in their seats as the video screens start to show a montage of some of the most famous moments from Hollywood’s most magical movies. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers waltz, gliding across a dance floor like two hovering angels. There’s a clip of Leo declaring himself king of the world in Titanic, the flying bicycles in ET, Bogart stares longingly into Bacall’s eyes, and then there’s some scene where Tom Cruise rides a motorcycle from 2010′s Knight and Day. The audience all seems confused how that last one got in there. The John Williams music swells as little Kevin McAllister screams when puts on aftershave. We see clips of Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia embrace Harrison Ford’s Han Solo, Bruce Lee smoothly declares that boards don’t hit back and... wait... was that a clip from Michel Gondry’s Green Hornet with Seth Rogen? And that’s a clip from What Happens in Vegas... Bad Teacher... Vanilla Sky... Shrek 2... Any Given Sunday... Everyone is flummoxed. The last clip fades out and a sole editing credit appears: Cameron Diaz. The lights come up and there’s some applause, but mostly confused murmurs.

The ceremony has had a bit of a misstep, but nothing it can’t recover from, especially as the next category is announced over the PA, and it looks like the presenter is... Ross!

Best Ensemble Cast:

1. Bacurau

2. Da 5 Bloods

3. Kajillionaire

4. Let Them All Talk

5. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

6. Minari

7. Nomadland

8. Pieces of a Woman

9. Small Axe

Best Original Screenplay:

1. Danny Bilson and Paul Dameo & Spike Lee and Kevin Wilmott for Da 5 Bloods

2. Lee Isaac Chung for Minari

3. Brandon Cronenberg for Possessor

4. Sean Durkin for The Nest

5. Kleber Mendonça Filho and Juliano Dornelles for Bacurau

Honorable Mentions – a very difficult task to weed this down to five.

• Shaka King and Will Berson for Judas and the Black Messiah, from a story by Kenny and Keith Lucas

• Steve McQueen, Alastair Siddons, and Courttia Newland for Small Axe

• Kelly O'Sullivan for Saint Frances

• Thomas Vinterberg and Tobias Lindholm for Another Round

Best Actor:

1. Ben Affleck for The Way Back

2. Chadwick Boseman for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

3. Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

4. John Magaro for First Cow

5. Mads Mikkelsen for Another Round

Honorable Mentions:

• Riz Ahmed for Sound of Metal

• John Boyega for Small Axe

• Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah

• Hugh Jackman for Bad Education

• Ingvar Eggert Sigurðsson for A White, White Day

We have a break in the action and it looks like Darius Rucker has showed up to perform what he would have nominated for Best Original Song. The crowd is absolutely furious as he starts playing a song that apparently was in Trial of the Chicago Seven. An ocean of sonorous boos and curses overtakes the the once docile crowd. The Rock just ripped his chair from out of the ground. Jane Lynch somehow smuggled in a civil war era flintlock pistol that she’s now pointing at the stage! Suddenly, the crowd unifies around what started as a confident chant of one lone audience member - John C Reilly. It’s growing... Ja Ja Ding Dong, Ja Ja Ding Dong, Ja Ja Ding Dong - it’s like the macabre circus performers from Tod Browning’s Freaks, but instead of chanting “Gooble Gobble” they’re clearly pining for Darius to change his tune to the silly and delightful jam from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga. Darius, scared for his life, leaves the stage, but here come Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams to deliver the goods. Busy Philips and Michelle Williams burst into tears. Tom Hanks nods in approval. A segment saved by brave artists placating a toxic group of fans... we’ve just witnessed a live version of the Snyder Cut, folks.

Jack Nicholson seems completely unfazed, giving a thumbs up to the camera and blowing a kiss to the next presenter. Coming to the stage is... Ross... again...

Best Actress:

1. Jessie Buckley for i’m thinking of ending things

2. Carrie Coon for The Nest

3. Han Ye-ri for Minari

4. Sidney Flanagan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

5. Vasilisa Perelygina for Beanpole

Honorable Mentions – these cuts were especially painful

• Haley Bennet for Swallow

• Morfydd Clark for Saint Maud

• Frances McDormand for Nomadland

• Christin Milioti for Palm Springs

• Geraldine Viswanathan for Bad Education

Best Adapted Screenplay:

1. Charlie Kaufman for i'm thinking of ending things from Iain Reed's novel

2. Sarah Gubbins for Shirley from Susan Scarf Merrell's novel

3. Kelly Reichardt and John Raymond for First Cow

4. Simon Rich for American Pickle from his short story "Sell Out"

5. Mike Makowsky for Bad Education from Robert Kolker's "The Bad Superintendent"

Best Non-Fiction/Documentary Feature:

1. Boys State

2. Collective

3. David Byrne’s American Utopia

4. Dick Johnson is Dead

5. Feels Good Man

6. In & Of Itself

7. The Painter and the Thief

8. Time

Jimmy Fallon has come out on stage to do a bit about the pandemic and watching movies at home. People are just absolutely not having it. He tries not to laugh at his own jokes while doing what I guess is technically a pretty good impression of Dr. Fauci interviewing James Corden as Martin Scorsese (the less said of this impression, the better) on what is or isn’t cinema. The bit doesn’t track and Fallon is absolutely tanking. The producers cut away from the stage to spare the viewers at home from this monstrosity. We see crowd shots of Millie Bobby Brown shaking her head in dismay, Colin Firth is simultaneously grimacing and trying to stave off laughter, Cynthia Erivo is texting, and director Tom Hooper is taking notes for his next film. Corden yells, “Carpool Karaoke! Remember?!” Ron Howard has fainted. This thing is almost completely off the rails.

Coming back to the stage is the next presenter, a clearly embarrassed... Ross! He’s in a total flop sweat, but stumbles his way through a joke about how Fallon should try co-hosting the Oscars with James Franco sometime. There are scant chuckles throughout a crowd that mostly just wants to see who won and go home.

Best Director:

1. Christopher Nolan for Tenet

2. Spike Lee for Da 5 Bloods

3. Steve McQueen for Small Axe

4. Kelly Reichardt for First Cow

5. Chloé Zhao for Nomadland

Honorable Mentions:

• Kitty Green for The Assistant

• Eliza Hittman for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

• Charlie Kaufman for i'm thinking of ending things

• Thomas Vinterberg for Another Round

Best Picture

1. Bacurau

2. Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

3. Da 5 Bloods

4. First Cow

5. i'm thinking of ending things

6. Judas and the Black Messiah

7. Never Rarely Sometimes Always

8. Nomadland

9. Small Axe

10. Tenet

Accepting the award for best picture is none other than Eve, the cow actor who played the titular First Cow! The audience is enamored with how graceful she looks in her cow gown, and her speech, though indecipherable, is likely simple, observational, and deeply profound for those who speak cow.

Wow, what a ceremony! Hearts were broken, property was damaged, dreams were fulfilled... blood was shed? Damn it, Meryl Streep came in and mugged Charlie Kaufman before absconding with the trophy. Oddly, she’s a previous winner, so the attack isn’t out of need for hardware. People are reading through articles about production on Adaptation for potential motives. Streep made time for a photo opportunity, but remains at large.

I could go on ad infinitum about all of these nominees and winners themselves and why they did or didn’t make the cut, but that’d be better served in a different piece. For now, my thoughts on most of these can be found on the Best of 2020 write-up and over on my Letterboxd. And, as always, these awards can be revoked and redistributed at will, so don’t get too cozy with that statue, Danny Bilson!

On behalf of the RAOGL (Rosscars Association of One Guy at a Laptop), thanks for reading, and stay tuned as we’re establishing a tip line for anyone has seen Ms. Streep or her stolen valor Rosscar. We’ll see you next year. Keep watching movies, and keep arbitrarily quantifying them in terms of subjective quality!

#awards #movies #film #Rosscars

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artandfeminism · 4 years

Photo

[View of a lobby with people milling about in the background; sandwich board in foreground advertises an edit-a-thon. Photo taken at the 2020 YEG Art+Feminism Edit-a-thon at Allard Hall, MacEwan University, Edmonton, Canada. Photo by Viola-Ness / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0).]

2020 Campaign: Art+Activism

When we selected the theme of Art+Activism for the 2020 campaign, we could not have imagined what has happened this year. Despite the fact that many of our events were forced to be canceled due to the global pandemic, there is still much to celebrate!

In 2020, we celebrated Art+Feminism events in 6 continents, in 27 countries and 20 different languages.

[Map of the world, marked with red dots indicating where Art+Feminism events took place in 2020.]

We’ve spotlighted a few events in Peru, Brazil, Turkey, and Germany on our website. Participants this year created articles for Irma Poma Canchumani, Mavi Doñate, Rhina Toruño, Group Material, Kantarama Gahigiri Hertha Sponer, Marian Pastor Roces, Gabrielle L'Hirondelle Hill, Ingeborg Kahlenberg, People's Flag Show, Anne Marie Komissar, Kasturba Gandi, Guadalupe Rosales, Jota Mombaça, Bety Reis, Joana D’Arc da Silva Cavalcante, Djuena Tikuna, Olga Mariano, Lina Bögli and Anne Boyer, to name a few. We also want to acknowledge and thank all the organizers and partners whose events, unfortunately, weren’t able to move forward this year as planned. We recognize and celebrate your labor and efforts, as well. We are truly thankful for our global community!

As we continue to navigate virtual space together, we’ve created a Collaborative Virtual Resource Guide, along with Accessibility Considerations. We’ve also created a Remote Learning Resource List for teachers and professors preparing for the fall semester and beyond. We are actively creating and consolidating information for organizers for our next campaign.

And as we find ourselves simultaneously in a pandemic and in a civil rights movement, art + activism seem more pertinent than ever. We created a Collaborative List around the George Floyd Uprisings. We also recognize our own internal learning and unlearning that is necessary within our organization as we all strive to center interactional feminism and anti-racist practices. As part of that journey, we’re currently engaging internally with restorative practices training facilitated by harp+sword and the first phase of strategic planning with Wayfinding Partners.

Leadership Transition

[Screen capture of an Instagram post. Two people stand on a subway platform, with their heads inclined toward each other.]

Jacqueline Mabey and Siân Evans, co-founders of Art+Feminism, are stepping down from their roles as co-lead organizers involved with the day-to-day operations at the end of August. Even though this has been a planned transition for over a year, it’s bittersweet for the organization. What they started as a passion project among friends has grown into a global organization, and we’re forever grateful. They have both graciously served for seven years and we wouldn't be the organization we are today without their kindness, dedication, activism, and collaboration. They’re both already doing big things - Jacqueline is starting a PhD in History of Art at University College London. Siân has recently stepped into the role of co-chair for the Staff Empowerment Council at Maryland Institute College of Art (MICA), where she is a librarian, and wants to spend more time on her writing and research. You can stay up to date as they both enter their next chapters at https://failedprojects.net/ and https://sianevansmls.com/. Please join us in celebrating them both and extending gratitude for all their tireless efforts. They will be missed.

We are delighted to share that in Fall 2020, the co-lead organizing team will consist of Amber Berson (Montréal, Quebec), Mohammed Sadat Abdulai (Accra, Ghana), and Melissa Tamani (Lima, Peru). We are also happy to share that Project Administrator Nina Yeboah (Stone Mountain, GA) will be joining Kira Wisniewski (Baltimore, MD) as Art+Feminism’s full-time staff in the role of Program Manager starting this fall.

2020-2021 Regional Ambassador Interest Form

[A person stands in library in front of a screen, pointing at text projected onto it. There is an Art+Feminism banner in close proximity. Photo taken at 2020 Art+Feminism Wikipedia Edit-a-thon at Women's Library, Istanbul, Turkey. Photo by Yagmurkozmik / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0).]

Regional Ambassadors play a key role in the development and success of a project that promotes editorial and content inclusivity in Wikipedia. At the core, Regional Ambassadors work with their region by establishing and nurturing relationships and managing communication and project pipelines alongside the leadership team. Regional Amabssadors have strong project management skills, a demonstrated history of work in social justice/community organizing, an interest in the arts and feminist work, and a working knowledge of the Wikipedia community or other online technology community. Read more here. If you’re interested in joining us in this capacity, we invite you to complete this form.

Special Thanks to our 2019-2020 Regional Ambassadors!

Regional Ambassadors: United States of America

Stacey Allan, California

Amanda Meeks, Southwest & Midwest

Megan O’Hearn, New York

Jaison Oliver, South

Gabrielle Reed, New England

Sophie Reverdy, Mid-Atlantic

Taryn Tomasello, Northwest & Midwest

Richard Knipel, Wiki Regional Ambassador

Regional Ambassadors: International

Daniela Brugger, Europe/UK

Medhavi Gandhi, South Asia

Gisselle Giron, Latin America

Walaa Abdel Manaem, Middle East

Jessie Mi, Asia

Juliana Monteiro, Lusophone countries

Athina Petsou, Europe/UK

Sofia Stancioff, Canada

Dominique Elaine Yao, Francophone Africa + France

Zita Ursula Zage, Anglophone Africa

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tabloidtoc · 4 years

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OK, August 31

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bindi Irwin’s baby surprise -- twins

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s make-or-break vacation with their kids to the Dominican Republic -- Kim and Kanye may have saved their crumbling relationship

Page 6: Amber Heard and ex-husband Johnny Depp’s nasty courtroom bombshells made headlines across the globe but now that the case has wrapped up the actress is ready to move forward

Page 7: After temporarily living in a few of their friends’ properties Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have finally purchased a home of their own which is a jaw-dropping $14.7 million estate in the ritzy Santa Barbara enclave of Montecito and they intend to make this their forever home, Cameron Diaz confessed she felt at peace with her decision to ditch the Hollywood scene in favor of motherhood but that lifestyle change came a shake-up in her social circle because Cameron can’t be bothered with people she sees as superficial, Paris Jackson’s inner circle is concerned about her mental health in the wake of her sudden split from beau of two years Gabriel Glenn because she’s already such a fragile character so a ton of people worry she won’t be able to cope without Gabriel by her side

Page 8: After a few tough years Lisa Marie Presley is ready to leave L.A. and head to Graceland because she’s convinced that being close to her dad Elvis Presley’s spirit is the best shot she has at getting her life back on track, January Jones is known for keeping her personal life private she’s recently turned over a new leaf and is ready to spill her best-kept secrets in a juicy memoir but the name of the father of her son Xander probably won’t make it into the book, though Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have been best buds for decades Ben’s girlfriend Ana de Armas has no interest in getting to know Matt’s wife Luciana Barroso -- the guys hoped they’d hit it off but Luciana thinks Ana is an opportunist and Ana snipes that Luciana is stuck up

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars reign supreme in purple -- Keke Palmer, Karlie Kloss

Page 11: Tracee Ellis Ross, Carrie Underwood

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Diane Kruger vs. Cindy Bruna, Padma Lakshmi vs. Katharine McPhee Foster

Page 14: News in Photos -- Kylie Jenner in L.A. on her birthday

Page 15: Pierce Brosnan and son Paris on the golf course, Joy Bauer after taking a yoga class, Kate Hudson showed off her green juice, Serena Williams while dressing up in princess costumes with daughter Alexis

Page 16: Drab to Fab -- dropping the extra weight gave these celebs a boost of confidence -- Adele, Ben Affleck, Kelly Osbourne

Page 18: Sarah Hyland and Wells Adams on the day they were supposed to get married, Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade and daughter Kaavia, Reese Witherspoon and her affectionate dog Lou, Britney Spears and Sam Asghari riding bikes with masks on

Page 20: Alessandra Ambrosio played volleyball on the beach, Rita Ora lounging during a vacation in Ibiza

Page 21: Gordon Ramsay gave son Oscar a lift while exploring the coastline near their new home in Cornwall, David Beckham at the beach in Greece, RHONJ star Melissa Gorga tried on a swimsuit while taping promos for the Bravo reality show

Page 22: Mayim Bialik and her cat Addie promoting Royal Canin’s Take Your Cat to the Vet campaign, pro wrestler Ariane Andrew out and about in L.A., Mark Wahlberg and wife Rhea Durham during a family day at the lake

Page 24: Lynette Barbieri and Raffaela Pontecorvo and Vanessa Coppes and Jennifer DeCillis and Amanda Ringel at Bella Magazine’s eighth annual Hamptons Cover Lunch, Shia LaBeouf played it up for the cameras while on a jog, pregnant Katy Perry took a quick snooze while shopping for baby supplies

Page 25: Kevin Hart running errands in L.A., Kristen Taekman modeled a pair of overalls for her blog, Bachelor in Paradise alums Hannah Godwin and Dylan Barbour showed off their silly sides while shooting a video for Dr. Scholl’s

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Selena Gomez’s expansive estate -- check out the star’s plush new pad

Page 28: Chip and Joanna Gaines are no longer seeing eye to eye when it comes to their future -- Joanna isn’t thrilled about the revival of Fixer Upper and they’ve been bickering since Chip signed the deal

Page 29: Taylor Swift’s boyfriend Joe Alwyn will star alongside brunette beauty Emma Mackey in a biopic centered on Wuthering Heights author Emily Bronte and although filming won’t commence until next year Taylor is already sweating bullets -- she trusts Joe but this will be the first time in literally years they’ll have to be apart for a while and the idea of him spending all that time with someone as beautiful and charming as Emma has her anxious

Page 30: After nearly four years together Mariah Carey and Bryan Tanaka are ready to become husband and wife, Sacha Baron Cohen has been working nonstop since the lockdown started to lift leaving wife Isla Fisher to do all the heavy lifting at home with their three kids all under the age of 13, Love Bites -- Jennifer Garner and John Miller split, Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger welcomed a baby girl, Duff Goldman and wife Johnna Colbry are expecting their first child

Page 32: Cover Story -- Bindi Irwin’s big surprise -- mom-to-be Bindi is pregnant with twins

Page 36: Close Calls -- these stars cheated death -- Jennifer Aniston, Antonio Banderas

Page 37: Rachel Bilson, Sharon Stone, Leonardo DiCaprio

Page 38: The Next Generation -- get to know the talented up-and-coming stars who are taking Hollywood by storm -- Joey King, Chase Stokes, Halle Bailey, Charles Melton

Page 39: Hayley Kiyoko, Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, Zendaya, Lucas Hedges

Page 40: Interview -- Keanu Reeves -- the veteran actor opens up about his reputation for being one of the sweetest stars around

Page 42: Beach Body Winners -- how these stunning stars stay in swimsuit shape -- Brooke Shields, Julianne Hough, Olivia Culpo

Page 43: Nina Agdal, Carrie Underwood, Jessie James Decker

Page 46: Style Week -- Swimsuits for All and Ashley Graham have collaborated once again on a supersexy collection of size-inclusive swimwear

Page 48: What’s Hot Right Now -- elevate your look with products from these empowering female-owned beauty brands -- Tracee Ellis Ross, Amy Schumer is bringing a little humor to a serious topic in hopes of making period conversation as normal as periods

Page 49: Foot Notes -- fashionable footwear

Page 50: Say Anything -- make a bold statement in a cheeky graphic tee -- Yara Shahidi

Page 52: Beauty -- Chill Out -- beat the heat and humidity with these cooling beauty products -- Sofia Richie

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A -- Elizabeth Pipko

Page 58: Buzz -- just got paid -- Forbes reveals which actors earned the most money from June 2019 to June 2020 -- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, Mark Wahlberg, Ben Affleck, Vin Diesel

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Jason Sudeikis on being a father, Kelly Clarkson on daughter River, Ariana Grande on Lady Gaga accidentally scratching her face while rehearsing their Rain on Me music video, Ben Schwartz, Kate Hudson on what she tells herself when she’s stressed

Page 61: Tamera Mowry asked if she wanted a quarantine baby, Gwen Stefani correcting Dua Lipa who thought she was married to Blake Shelton, Simon Cowell after breaking his back in a cycling accident, Kate Bosworth on whether she’s willing to do a Blue Crush sequel, Bruno Mars on songwriting

Page 62: Horoscope -- Virgo LeAnn Rimes turned 38 on August 28

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Linda Cardellini

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jamesginortonblog · 4 years

Text

No one could accuse James Norton of allowing himself to be typecast. The 34-year-old has played a vicar-turned-sleuth in Grantchester, a violent rapist in Happy Valley, and the aristocratic hero of War & Peace. He’s also number three in the betting to be the new James Bond. And he’s just about to add to his library of opposites with two new roles: the staid tutor John Brooke, who marries Emma Watson’s Meg March, in the star-studded new film adaptation of Little Women; and the flamboyant real-life figure at the centre of the Profumo scandal – Stephen Ward – in BBC One’s The Trial of Christine Keeler.

“Ward was 100 per cent the fall guy,” says Norton, sporting a dark-blue crushed velvet jacket and settling in on a chaise longue in an upmarket London hotel. The actor looks every bit as debonair as you’d expect for a man playing the high-society osteopath with connections that ran from Soho to the aristocracy. “The government needed to clear their own name by tarnishing someone else’s.”

It was Ward who introduced the 46-year-old Secretary of State for War John Profumo (Ben Miles) to 19-year-old model and showgirl Christine Keeler (Sophie Cookson) at a party at Lord Astor’s country house estate of Cliveden in 1961. It led to an affair that exposed Profumo as a security threat – thanks to Keeler’s simultaneous relationship with a Russian naval attaché.

Keeler and her friend Mandy Rice-Davies (Ellie Bamber) often stayed at Ward’s London mews flat, and the 50-year-old former public schoolboy would later be prosecuted for living off immoral earnings in a dubious case of establishment revenge. The two had contributed small amounts to household expenses. Ward committed suicide after the judge’s summing up amounted to a direction to the jury to find him guilty.

Amanda Coe’s stylish, evocative drama establishes Keeler and Rice-Davies as sexually liberated young women for their time. Does Norton think they were victims? “Ward definitely used certain relationships he had with young, beautiful women to ingratiate himself with the wealthy elite,” he says. “He also groomed them to a point… but it’s too simplistic to say he was a man who groomed young women. His relationship with these young girls was often a very positive one, he would enable them, take them out of poverty.” Keeler was from a disadvantaged background and fitted the mould of the “alley cats” Ward liked to befriend. Norton gives a terrific performance as the sleazy Pygmalion.

“I really warmed to him… you fall in love with these characters, and Stephen Ward was way ahead of his time, so brave in how he lived his life and expressed himself, his sexual tastes, his flirting with cross-dressing, in a world that was still incredibly repressed.

“And the final reckoning was that Stephen Ward had somehow corrupted these Tory ministers and it was all his fault, which is absurd.”

I wonder if Norton, the son of a retired college lecturer and a mother who taught medical ethics, is as dazzled by the truly posh as Ward was.

“Wealth or class are not things that I’m particularly dazzled by,” he says. “I am by talent.” He cites Little Women director Greta Gerwig and her partner Noah Baumbach, who made Netflix’s Marriage Story, as an example.

Norton himself is part of a powerhouse acting couple, with British star Imogen Poots, whom he became close to when they starred together in a play in 2017. They seem very happy. “It’s good,” he says, but adds, “my personal life is very normal, I have a house in Peckham, my [parents] live in Yorkshire. There's very little glamour and scandal.”

There was a little bit of the latter when his previous girlfriend, actress Jessie Buckley, said their break-up had been “acrimonious”, but Norton is far too canny to add fuel to that particular fire.

Similarly, he won’t comment on the rumours linking him to James Bond, insisting they are “based on nothing”. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have strong opinions on the series in general.

“We all know that with James Bond, large parts of it, and all the versions of it in the past, are now antiquated and it needs to be updated,” he says. “And I think that Barbara Broccoli and the producers are very aware of that. Bringing in people like Phoebe Waller-Bridge can only help.”

Might the spy be a little too one-dimensional for someone who has taken on so many interesting parts? Daniel Craig, who is stepping aside after the latest film No Time To Die comes out in April, has often seemed unhappy with the role.

“If I was to take on a franchise,” Norton says, “I would always want to complement it with something completely different.”

He has just taken on a big HBO sci-fi series, The Nevers, he says, and is in negotiations with the BBC about doing a second series of McMafia. We chat about the fact that the first series attracted a measure of criticism, including some for his own performance as Alex Godman, the scion of a Russian mafia family drawn reluctantly into the underworld. “There was an article about the three wooden faces of James Norton,” he says with a laugh.

How did he take it?

“It’s a rite of passage that you have [bad reviews],” he replies. “Ultimately, it’s an art form which is deeply subjective and you’re never going to please everyone.” The character was intended to be “inscrutable and calcified”, he adds. Nevertheless, he admits he might play it slightly differently second time around.

“Yeah, possibly,” he says. “But, then again, you don’t want to pander to the people who didn’t like it. There's so much content out there that people who don't like it can go and find something else.”

One of the factors that Norton and director James Watkins agreed upon when sketching out Godman’s background was his public school education. Norton is a public school boy too; a former pupil of Ampleforth, the leading Catholic boarding school which was found to have covered up the sexual abuse of scores of children in a devastating report in 2018.

Norton never saw any wrongdoing during his time there, but does admit to being “quite badly bullied” and credits one of the monks - a Father Peter - with helping him get through it. “I was able to go and just talk to him and he basically became my therapist,” says Norton. “I just sort of sobbed my eyes out.”

Has it left a mark? “It probably has a bit,” he says. “It’s not defined me, but it has informed who I am. I’m hyper aware if someone is being in any way ostracised on a film set, for example.”

On Little Women, he found himself on set with some of the industry’s biggest names, including Saoirse Ronan, Timothée Chalamet, Meryl Streep and Laura Dern. The film’s a deliriously romantic and sentimental take on the novel’s sibling rivalries, but it takes its duty to Louisa May Alcott’s study of the economic subjection of women seriously. “It's important for us to go back to those punctuation marks in the struggle towards equality and recognise how far we've come, but also how we're not quite there yet,” Norton says.

He and Watson were given the task of writing their own marriage vows for the film, which he says he laboured over but arrived with them unfinished to discover that Watson had already written hers and they were beautiful. He was just young enough to read the early Harry Potter books, he notes, but has only seen a couple of the films – “Don’t tell Emma.”

He plays Chalamet’s tutor – did he fancy the 23-year-old as everyone else seems to right now? He smiles. “He’s a beguiling and bizarre, unique force of nature,” he says. Norton had been wondering about wearing a suit to today’s photoshoot, but is glad he didn’t as he’s just bumped into the younger man in a Gorillaz tee-shirt and sunglasses. “Whenever he’s around, I feel about 10 years older than I am.”

Among all its bold women, I wonder if his own character – John Brooke – is just a teeny bit dull. He laughs. “He’s a little quieter than some of the other characters, but that allowed me to just witness all these great women actors. It was incredible.”

There’s certainly nothing dull or quiet about the character he plays in the film Mr Jones, which is released in February. It’s the surprisingly little-known story of Gareth Jones, the journalist who uncovered the Holodomor – the man-made famine genocide inflicted by the Soviet Union upon Ukraine in 1932-33, which is estimated to have killed up to 7.5 million people. “He blew the whistle on the Soviet Union,” says Norton. “He was the first person to go [to Ukraine], and come back and tell the world.”

In the West, the economic crash of 1929 had led to the Great Depression. “Everyone was looking at the Soviet experiment thinking, ‘Oh, it's working’,” Norton says. “They were getting into bed with Stalin and trade deals were being made. And no one was calling them out. Until this one serious, bespectacled, earnest Welsh journalist got on a train and risked his life to blow the whistle.”

I wonder if those types of films can command a big enough audience to keep getting made? He accepts that independent cinema is in a period of shrinkage, but says, “while the audience for this type of film might not be as big as a Marvel movie, we have to protect those stories because film isn't just about escapism. It's also about education.”

#james norton #little women #the trial of christine keeler #mr jones #interviews

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yourdeepestfathoms · 5 years

Text

Foster Au Fragments

She’s five and she’s one of the fosters.

(She isn’t sure what a foster is, except that it’s a noun- like girl or cat or person.)

She knows it links her to some of the other children in the house- Jessie who likes to tear strips of paper- out of storybooks, from newspapers- and chew them up, and Asef who likes to tell people about all the dinosaurs he can name- and separates her (them) from the others- Amanda and Jody and Max, who are much older, almost grown ups.

(Amanda and Jody go off to school every day on a bus by themselves, with proper bags- not bookbags and they like reading books that are all words and no pictures at all except on the cover.

Max likes Pokemon cards and turning off her light and holding her door shut.)

She thinks a lot about what it is that links her to the other fosters: is it something good or bad? Is it like saying that she has blonde hair and two freckles on the back of her left hand? Is it like saying she’s stupid because she can’t tie her laces or tell the time?

She tries to ask Aunty Meg what makes her a foster one morning but before she can properly ask, Jessie knocks her arm with accidentally-on-purpose precision as she’s pouring milk on her Weetabix and makes it spill- over the table and over the edge and into her lap, and questions come second place to sighs and cross mopping up in which the sponge in thrown into the sink and an exasperated ‘Why can’t you be more careful Joan, for goodness sake?’ said between pursed lips.

She eats her too-soggy Weetabix in her milk-damp dress, forcing mouthfuls of cardboard-tasting mush past the tightness in her throat, and she doesn’t ask again.

She’s seven and they’re playing Hide and Seek- it’s the tail end of Max’s birthday party, and everyone is getting tired and irritable with each other and keeping an eye out for the appearance of the cake and party bags that will signal The End.

(Joan has to share her birthday with Jessie and every year, he steps on her toe when they’re blowing out the candles on their shared cake and every year, she misses her wish. Every year, she peels back the hard, thick icing from around her slice and every year, Aunt Meg shakes her head at her for being picky and tells her to stop playing with her food.)

The hiding places she would have picked- behind the sofa, behind the curtains- are taken by the time she gets to them and impatient hands push at her as she’s hissed at to find her own place Joan, just go away!, so she goes back out into the hall and wonders if she’ll be in trouble for spoiling things if she isn’t hidden by the time Jessie finishes counting to 100.

(She knows already that she Spoils Things, that it Spoils Things when having to swallow scratchy dry burnt toast makes her gag and cry, that it Spoils Things when she tears off a new dress because makes her skin prickle and burn, that it really Spoils Things when a hundred voices clamour in her ears at once and bright lights sear into her brain and she has to close her eyes and put her hands over her ears because it’s tooloudtooloudtooloudtooloud-)

The hall cupboard catches her eye and it’s actually empty: wedging herself between everyone’s old welly boots and winter coats is uncomfortable but it’s worth it, she thinks, to not Spoil Things as usual.

It’s quite dark in the cupboard.

She hadn’t quite realised when getting in how dark it would be but she’s inside now and if she comes out and tries to find a new place, perhaps Jessie will have finished counting…. And so she stays.

And it’s a funny thing- as she stays, the longer she stays, it’s as if the cupboard is becoming darker.

Darker and smaller- she can lean forward and stretch out her hand and only just about touch the wall in front of her with the lightest brush of her fingertips…. But even though she knows this, can feel this, there’s a part of her that keeps telling her that really, the wall is just in front of her face, that the cupboard is barely big enough for her, that she can’t breathe-

She can’t breathe and she’s cold (even though she isn’t, even though the cupboard is actually quite warm because it’s right next to the airing cupboard where the clean towels and fresh pajamas live) and she’s hungry too (except she isn’t hungry, she wasn’t hungry before…. But now it’s as if she can feel an ache in her tummy, except it’s a hungry ache and not a feeling-sick ache) and although she only just climbed into the cupboard, it also feels as if really, secretly, she’s been inside for a long, long time- just her inside in the dark and in the cold for hours and hours and hours and-

When they pull open the cupboard door, her stomach turns over with a fear that she can taste- a familiar fear, somehow, though she isn’t sure exactly what she’s afraid of- and she’s shamefully sick down her for-best-only-and-no-exceptions dress.

It isn’t Jessie who finds her and opens the door so the game isn’t over- but everyone stops playing anyhow.

Aunt Meg tells everyone it was too much birthday cake- and no one says anything, even though the cake is still uncut in the kitchen and remains uncut for quite a long time.

After that, she dreams about the cupboard a lot. She supposes it’s the hall cupboard because she can’t remember ever hiding in one before, but in her dreams, it doesn’t look anything like it.

Sometimes, the dreams creep into the day too and she remembers hitting hands and voices loud enough to make her cover her ears.

The first, second and third times she has the dream, Aunt Meg comes into the bedroom to pick her duvet off of the floor and tells her to go back to sleep.

After time number four, she sounds cross, and doesn’t seem to notice when Max pinches her for keeping him awake all night; after a while, Joan stops counting and Aunt Meg stops coming in.

The dreams don’t stop.

Jane doesn’t come into her room without her permission.

That’s what she says at least, has said right from the first day- but Joan is thirteen and she’s been told this often, knows that ‘never’ often means ‘never when she’s in the house’, or ‘never that they’ll admit to’, or ‘never until they become concerned’. She’s never had a room that locked from the inside- sometimes the outside but never the inside- and she isn’t stupid, she knows how to hide the things that she doesn’t want found.

When Kitty bursts into her bedroom with an armful of laundry though, she’s taken by surprise and jumps so badly that her old walkman headphones are popped from her ears- lying in her lap, she can still just about hear the tinny strains of the song she’d been listening to reverberating from them. She’d let her guard down, turned the music up too loud to be keeping her usual one-ear-open (stupid stupid stupid) and now Kitty is standing awkwardly on the threshold, hugging the clothes self consciously to her chest.

‘Sorry. I knocked. I thought-’

She trails off uncertainly- without looking, Joan knows what she’s staring at and fights down the urge to cover the pathetic pile of crumbled stale biscuits with her hands.

There’s no point- Kitty has already seen them, and now it’s just a toss up between what reaction she’ll get first. She knows she’ll get them all eventually- she always does- but the order tends of variate: the It’s Unsanitary hysteria, the It’s Just Greediness contempt, the Acting As If We Don’t Feed You Enough guilt-tripping, the Aren’t You Too Old For This Silliness headshaking, and sometimes- if she’s very, very unlucky- the You Obviously Won’t Be Hungry For Dinner- or breakfast or lunch or supper- Now.

She wonders if Kitty will fetch Jane immediately or tease her by making her wait and beg and plead first: she doesn’t know the girl well enough yet really to be able to tell. She seems nice enough- just as Jane seems nice enough…. But still…..

The limbo of not knowing is unbearable- it makes her throat tight and her eyes hot (pathetic pathetic pathetic)- and so when Kitty takes a couple of steps into the room, it’s almost a relief.

She doesn’t say anything though, just keeps holding onto the clothes and biting her lip so Joan makes an effort to talk. It’s a slim chance, slim to non existent, but she has to try.

(Clearing her throat hurts.)

‘Please don’t-’

It’s as if this shakes Kitty out of whatever reverie she’s in- she gives a little twitch as if she’s waking up and talks at the same time.

‘It’s alright-’

‘Please don’t tell-’

(Of course Kitty will tell eventually but extracting a promise of silence will buy her enough time to throw everything away before she can get into worse trouble.)

‘It’s alright.’

Kitty’s right next to her now and Joan is tensed up with the proximity- she wants to flinch away, knows she can’t without offending, she’s frozen-

‘I won’t tell Mum, I promise.’

What is she saying?

‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t- I just- I-’ She wants to explain, she can’t explain, it’s too hard. She’s shaking, it’s making the words come out wrong.

‘Hey. It’s ok.’

Kitty’s voice is very soft and very gentle- she doesn’t move, she doesn’t try to touch Joan, but she digs in her pocket and offers a crumpled tissue.

‘Here. It’s clean, I promise.’

It’s embarrassing that she needs it, it’s embarrassing that Kitty is seeing her like this, the whole thing is horrible and embarrassing and uncomfortable …but at least Kitty doesn’t look impatient.

‘I’m really sorry, I wasn’t- I wasn’t trying to be-’ She falters. ‘Please don’t tell-’

‘I promise I won’t tell Mum, ok? I won’t tell anyone. You don’t need to be sorry. It’s ok.’

The things she’s saying just don’t make sense and perhaps the incomprehension is in Joan’s face because Kitty gives her a sad half-smile.

‘I did the same thing when I first came. Hid food and things so that if I ever got- if I ever needed it, if things ever got bad, I’d have a supply. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?’

Joan nods slowly- there’s no point in lying, and it’s a relief that Kitty doesn’t think she’s being greedy, or that she’s being unhygienic or ungrateful or weird.

Still….

It’s hard to square the Kitty in front of her with what she’s saying: the Kitty-from-before sounds scared and young and not unlike Joan herself. She doesn’t sound a thing like the cool, grown up Kitty that she’s shared a house with for nearly two weeks now.

Kitty with her private singing lessons and pink tipped hair and her irrepressible giggle and her cool friends that swoop in and out like graceful, colourful birds- Cathy with her arms full of Honours-level textbooks and Anne with her bright red lipstick that she wears even with her school uniform and Anna with her long athletes legs and exotic hint of a German accent. Sje can’t believe this Kitty was ever reduced to hiding food like an animal making a hoard, that she was ever frightened enough to need to.

The two Kitty’s don’t seem at all comparable but she can’t see why Kitty would lie- not about something like this- and she feels, behind her fear and her confusion- the very tiniest frizzle of something else, the tiniest of possibilities, the faintest flicker of hope that survives the cold douse of common sense that comes almost immediately after: Perhaps I could be like that one day.

Kitty is still talking; Joan has to make herself listen again.

‘-Of course, you’re much cleverer than I was- you made a much better choice of things-’

There’s a new tone to her voice now, a lightness, like she’s sharing a secret.

‘-Choosing biscuits is much more sensible-’

She can’t believe Kitty is talking about this- something that has always been a shameful secret- so casually: moreso, she’s actually praising Joan for it. A clever choice? The biscuits were all she could think to hide without drawing attention to what she was doing. But Kitty is making it sound like Joan was doing something good.

‘What did I decide to hide? I was such an idiot- the social worker had stopped on the way to Joan’s, right, at this like bakery place? And she said I could have a cake- and they were these-’ Kitty gestures expansively ‘-these HUGE creamy cakes, and I was like, really pleased, because I thought it would last me for ages, it was so big… God knows how she AND Jane managed to miss me sneaking it in…..Actually-’ She stops, raises her hand. ‘No, I DO know, because we came in and suddenly it started raining and Jane asked the social worker to wait and SPRINTED to bring the washing in, and so they didn’t really notice me….’

As Kitty tells the story, Joan notices two things. She’s stopped shaking. That’s one thing. The other is… that she’s actually listening, despite herself. She’s still anxious but she’s interested too, she wants to hear how it turns out.

‘- and so I put it under my bed- I know, it’s a rubbish hiding place but I was only nine, remember- and just sort of thought it would be fine there. Big mistake.’ Kitty rolls her eyes theatrically. ‘I went off to school the next day and when I came home…. Just….’ She takes a moment, as if to let the horror unfold. ‘Ants. Like, so many ants. I didn’t actually know they could climb stairs so that was a shock and….oh my goodness, Jane had such a shock! I think she thought I was being murdered when I started screaming!’

Kitty’s laughing as she tells it and Joan actually finds she’s smiling too- it’s not just the story, it’s how Kitty is telling it, like it’s a secret she’s choosing to share, something she and Joan are in on together because both of them understand.

‘I was just crying my eyes out- it took me SO long until I could even be near an ants nest without just completely freaking out. Jane was so lovely about it, though.’

Kitty’s stopped laughing now, she has a soft, far-away look in her eyes.

‘She didn’t say a word- not as far as telling me off or anything. She looked at the mess, and just took me right back downstairs and sat me down in the living room and told me not to worry, that I wasn’t in any trouble at all, and she wasn’t the slightest bit cross and that she’d sort it all out… eventually I stopped crying and apologising and she gave me a hug and went and cleaned everything up…. And then later on, she told me straight out that I never had to worry about not having enough to eat with her, that even if I couldn’t always have exactly the food I might want, I could always be sure I’d have enough to be full and that I never had to be afraid to ask for more. And that things like being warm and clean and having enough to eat were things she absolutely promised I wouldn’t have to worry about ever again.’

Kitty sounds so heartfelt as she talks, it makes Joan want to cry again- for the scared baby Kitty in the story…..and for herself, too, although she can’t quite articulate why.

‘Did you- believe her?’ She can’t quite believe she’s asking it but it’s out before she can reconsider.

‘Oh no, of course not!’ Kitty smiles as if it’s obvious. ‘Of course I didn’t- I was relieved she wasn’t cross and I was glad she said it… but you know how it is- people say things and it’s so easy, it’s easily said and easily broken.’

Joan nods- she understands that all too well.

‘But after a while, I did.’

‘How?’

Kitty shrugs. ‘She proved that I could. No matter what I did, she always made sure I still had enough to eat, that I was ok. She never shouted, she never lost her temper… even when I- no, I’ll tell you another time, it might give you ideas! No matter what happened, she made me see I didn’t have to be scared of her. And she was never cross that I didn’t trust her right away either. She said that too- that she hoped I’d trust her but that she knew it would be hard and that she didn’t expect me to right away but that she hoped I’d let her prove that I could.’

‘She said the same thing to me.’ Joan doesn’t add that it’s only now she’s contemplating that they were anything other than empty words: she’s had The Talk about trust from too many people who quickly grew irritated at her skittshness.

Kitty nods. ‘Of course. And she did prove it. Like, she said that I’d always be fed but she also gave me this tupperware with energy bars and things that would last and wouldn’t go bad in it so that I wouldn’t have to worry about what would happen if she stopped. She didn’t stop me from preparing for the worst, she just….showed me that the worst would never happen with her. Does that make sense?’

‘Yes….’ Joan is more confused than before, she doesn’t know how to respond to all of this… but the knot of anxiety in her stomach is loser than it was before. And she isn’t shaking or crying or apologising.

(That’s something.)

Later, Kitty brings the tupperware- empty for many years, apparently, but now filled again from the kitchen cupboard- from her own room and puts it on Joan’s bed with a smile and a couple of books.

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s ok. You can keep it. I don’t need it anymore.’ A pause, and then her head pops around the doorway again.

‘The books I DEFINITELY want back eventually though, ok? They’re Cathy’s. Tell me if you like them so I can tell her- she’ll be thrilled if I’ve managed to get another person into them!’

Joan stammers another thank you, and when Kitty is gone, she looks at the box for a long time before hiding it away.

She wonders if one day, she won’t need it anymore either.

For the first time ever, it feels like a possibility.

#HOLY FUCK!!!!#HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT #OH YM GOD #ITS PERFECT!!!#ITS ACTUALLY PERFECT #OP holy FUCK #this is fucking amazing!!#the way you described her past life and the little ‘issues’ she had was #it was so brilliant and STUNNING!!#seriously this is so stunning!#im blown away!!!#and the way you detailed joan’s fears and just the way you wrote kitty comforting her I —#it’s just- OP it’s amazing. it truly is #your writing is absolutely beautiful and i would LOVE to ready more sometimes because SERIOUSLT #THIS IS SO GOOD #im so envious of you omg #you did the foster au justice #this is gorgeous writing #im gushing I know but I speak only the TRUTH #this is so much better than mine lol #I hope I can read more of your work soon!! because youve got me hooked!!#thank you so much for sending this in’#and just writing it!#im so happy to hear MY au inspired you that much to write something for it #so seriously. thank you. and amazing job!#six the musical #joan on the keys #katherine howard #jane seymour #six the musical fanfic

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lovemesomerafael · 5 years

Text

El Amor Todo Lo Puede Chapter 56: Home

Source: @peter-stone

Chapters 1-55

Laura knocked quietly on the door of Lucia’s apartment in the Bronx, feeling a strange mixture of excitement and sadness. They had kept in touch, of course, for the two years Laura had been away, although after those first, hellish months, they hadn’t spoken quite as often. Laura fully expected that they would spend time during this visit crying over their mutual loss, and she didn’t dread that. In fact, she and Lucia hadn’t been able to hug while they cried in all the time Laura had been gone. Since the crying part was probably inevitable, Laura thought it would be nice to be able to put her arms around Rafael’s mother while they shared their pain.

Lucia had tried to understand Laura’s need to run away. At first, she had been confused and a bit hurt that Laura wouldn’t be in New York, where they could comfort one another. Over the two weeks after Rafi’s death, however, as they had worked feverishly together to do all the horrible tasks that have to be done when someone dies, Lucia had seen in Laura a fear that she herself didn’t feel. Laura was not only grieving the past, she was also terrified of the future. Lucia wasn’t. Partly, the difference was that Laura was young, and had to figure out who to be, now that she had been left without the partner she’d chosen to spend her life with. Rafael’s death had fundamentally changed who Laura was. That wasn’t true for Lucia. Losing her child, adult though he had been, didn’t change Lucia’s identity as his mother. The other difference was that having another child wasn’t an option for Lucia, so she didn’t have to find the courage to try again.

Over the past two years, something had happened that neither of them had expected. As much as they had liked being mother- and daughter-in-law, they found that they also enjoyed being friends. Lucia still felt motherly toward Laura, who also loved Lucia like a second mother. But helping one another through their greatest loss had also forged a deep, lasting friendship between them as women. Rafael was always there, between them, a shared love that united them. But they found that, slowly and in stages, their conversations branched out to involve the rest of their lives, as well. It was a lovely connection that allowed them to keep Rafael close – the two women who had loved him the most – and also allowed each of them to enjoy the other for her own sake.

When Lucia opened the door, she and Laura hugged (and cried) for a very long time before Laura even crossed the threshold.

*************

Dinner at Amanda’s had started at breakfast time. Laura wanted to spend as much time as possible with her friends from SVU, so they’d arranged to meet at the zoo in Central Park, where the kids could play while the parents talked. Laura was shocked by how much they’d grown; both Fin’s grandson, Jaden, and Amanda’s daughter, Billie, were talking already. They weren’t speaking full sentences, but they were certainly able to make their needs known. Amanda’s daughter Jessie and Olivia’s son Noah both had vague memories that they had an “Aunt Lala”, but had really been too young to remember Laura. It was great fun to get re-acquainted with them, and to discover Jaden’s and Billie’s personalities, made easier by the fact that Sonny Carisi was, by far, the kids’ favorite person and knew everything about them. As soon as they saw that Sonny liked Laura, they decided to like her, too.

While the older kids ran around like maniacs and the littler ones alternated between mania and meltdowns, the adults caught up. Laura had cried as soon as she saw Fin, which she’d known she would. He tried to play it cool, but the tightness of his hug and the amount of time it lasted told her he was just as glad to see her.

“Any idea what you’re gonna do when you get back to Chicago?” He asked.

“I have a few leads. I really loved the work I did for the feds; I might want to do something with computer crimes. Or maybe I’ll go to the dark side and make a mint working in cybersecurity. Regular hours, no one shoots at me…”

“Yeah, but you’d never get to go off on anyone. Remember Reginald Skoggs? You love that shit,” Fin laughed.

“Oh, man, I haven’t thought about him in years. But you’re right, that was fun. Remember I had to change my clothes before Barba saw all the blood?”

Fin laughed at that, too, and Laura noticed that the whole group seemed to relax a little, knowing that it was all right to mention Rafael’s name.

“What I remember is you still owe me fifty bucks for not tellin’ Barba what you did.”

Laura feigned a blank look. “I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah, sure you don’t.” Fin threw an arm around her neck and gave her a rough hug. “Punk-ass kid.”

All morning and afternoon, the SVU detectives shared stories of cases they’d worked and listened as Laura told them what she’d been doing. Laura wanted to hear every story about the kids. They had so much to talk about that it was actually after lunch by the time the conversation neared the subject of Rafael’s murder.

Olivia moved so that she was walking next to Laura while they headed toward the Polar Circle, where the penguins – the kids’ favorite - lived.

“I thought we’d get to see you for Randolph’s trial. I wasn’t surprised to see him plead out, but I was sorry to miss out on a visit from you.”

“Thanks, Lieu. I knew he’d take a plea. McCoy was going to bury him no matter what, so I think he just figured he’d save himself the trouble. For a sweet man, Jack McCoy can be a scary SOB when he’s crossed.”

“Yes, he can,” Olivia agreed.

“Anyway, it was better that way. I really wasn’t ready to come back until pretty recently. In fact, I might have stayed longer, except…”

“Yeah, I heard. You know, until Rollins told me the whole story, I just thought you and Stone were oddly close.”

“And you were right about that,” Laura laughed.

While Jaden and Billie napped hard in their strollers, Fin sat with them and napped a little, too. Liv and Amanda kept a close eye on Jessie and Noah, and Laura and Carisi stood leaning on poured concrete rocks, watching the penguins.

“So I’m looking at all these kinds of penguins, particularly the macaroni penguin, which is really the coolest of penguinkind, and I’m thinkin’ that right there is evidence that God has a sense of humor.”

“Hmmmm. Deep, Carisi. I don’t disagree, but I’m thinking whoever named them macaroni penguins gets an honorable mention.”

“Yeah, I could go there,” Sonny shrugged. “And since you didn’t throw me over these rocks into the water, I hope that means that maybe you and God have made up a little?”

Laura thought for a minute. “There was this priest in Stockholm, Father Piär. He helped. Probably not as much as you, but he did OK.” She bumped Carisi fondly with her shoulder.

“I don’t know that I helped any, but thanks.”

“Sure you did. And I appreciate it. I owe you.” Laura didn’t want the day to turn maudlin, so she changed the subject. “So I noticed in your emails, you never mentioned any dates. You didn’t become a monk or something, did you?”

“Nah,” Sonny blushed. “I just like to play things close to the vest, y’know?”

“Well, don’t. Tell me. I want to know you’re happy.”

The smile on Sonny’s face, and the crinkles around his bright blue eyes told Laura that he would never want for romantic companionship for long. “There’s no one special right now, but… I’ve kinda been thinkin’ I’m getting a little old for dates. Dean got married, you know.”

“I hadn’t heard that!”

“Yeah, married a surgeon. They’re in L.A. now. Anyway, I’ve been thinking I might be in the market for someone, you know, more permanent.”

“Any candidates?”

“Not right now. But who knows?”

“Just don’t get serious about anyone until I get to check them out. Don’t rely solely on Amanda’s judgment.”

“If I have to wait until Amanda approves someone, I might as well hang it up right now.”

The rest of the afternoon went on like that, everyone enjoying the day and Laura getting a chance to talk one-on-one with each of them.

At dinner, there was plenty of wine and entirely too much food. Sonny made something no one could pronounce, but it was so good everyone ate until they couldn’t possibly take one more bite. Lucia joined them, and they all enjoyed themselves. To Laura, it felt as though she’d never been away, which was just a little bittersweet, because it meant she kept expecting Rafael to walk in at any time.

There was a sweet moment when Olivia was telling a story about an argument she and Rafael had, and Noah asked, “Is Rafael the same as Uncle Rafa?”

Olivia told him that he was.

“I ‘member him,” Noah said. “He used to sing the pirate song.”

As much as Laura had needed to leave New York to escape the constant reminders of Rafael, it was lovely, now that she could, to be able to talk about him with people who had known and loved him. There were a hundred stories about funny, biting comments he had made, demonstrations of his undeniable abilities, and his courtroom coups. Lucia told some hilarious, adorable stories about him as a child that he would never have allowed her to tell, had he been there. They all laughed, and shed a few tears, and toasted his memory. The entire day was as special as any of them had hoped, and it was a perfect way for Laura to acknowledge the life she had loved in New York before she went on to begin a new life back in Chicago.

Amanda waited with Laura and Lucia at the curb for their taxi back to the Bronx. She and Laura had exchanged many hugs throughout the day, but it still didn’t feel like enough. They sat, side by side on Amanda’s stoop, with Amanda’s arm around Laura’s shoulder.

“Just remember, you need me to shoot Stone, I can make it look like an accident.”

“I thought it was Rafael you offered to shoot.”

“It was, but you never took me up on it, so I still owe you. But I’m kinda hopin’ you don’t ever need me to shoot Stone, either. ‘Cuz you look happy. And I like seein’ that.”

“Me, too.”

“You take care of yourself, Parker. You know you always have a home here, if you want it.”

They hugged yet again, both smiling, and Amanda pulled Lucia into the hug with them.

**********

The flight from New York to Chicago had seemed very short after the flight from Stockholm. And now, Laura was home. She smiled even as tears spilled over, looking out the window of the airplane at the familiar landscape.

She walked through the concourse toward Baggage Claim. She reached the main terminal, passed the security checkpoint, and descended the stairs toward the row of baggage carousels, some surrounded by people and spitting out luggage which then circled slowly, some still and silent. She idly looked out over the scene as she walked down the stairs.

She froze on the last step, her heart doing some sort of somersault in her chest and a large swarm of butterflies taking sudden flight in her stomach. She whispered an involuntary, "Peter."

She stood, unmoving, staring at the tall, beautiful man standing near the baggage carousel for her flight. As always, his muscular, athletic build and his square, masculine jaw stirred a deep longing in her. She stared almost helplessly at him, just as she had done that day years before, when she saw him in the lobby at District 21, waiting for an appointment with Sergeant Voight. She realized with a surge of love that the pain of missing Peter was over. She was home now, with him, and there was no longer anything to keep them apart.

His hair was longer than it had been when she’d last seen him. It looked so good she instantly wanted to run her hands through it. Had he let it grow for her, knowing she liked it that way? Only when he looked up at her, perhaps sensing her staring at him, did Laura take the last stair and begin to move through the crowd toward him as his face broke into a wide smile.

They didn’t say anything at first as they came face to face, just took a moment to smiled at one another before they wrapped their arms around each other in a long, contented embrace. People looked at them, some annoyed at these fools locked in a marathon hug in the middle of baggage claim, some grinning shyly at the apparently very happy reunion. Peter and Laura ignored them all. Somewhere in the middle of their embrace, they began to share whispered “I love you’s” among heartfelt endearments.

There were plenty of kisses and laughing as they collected Laura’s luggage and walked, talking animatedly, out to Peter’s car. With so much to carry - suitcases, Laura’s guitar, her carry-on - they hadn’t been able to hold hands or put arms around each other as they walked, and with each step, Laura found herself more aware of wanting to touch Peter. She noticed again his hair, just a bit shaggy, and the way it made her think of him in bed. She watched the sexy way he walked, so athletic and confident, legs wide and striding quickly. As Peter stored the luggage in the back of a new SUV he’d purchased at some point after he’d returned from New York, Laura stood close to him, just wanting to be near him and eager to have her arms around him again.

He slammed the gate down and pulled her to him. As he leaned down to press his lips to hers, she breathed in his scent: a clean, masculine smell of soap and a little bit of musky cologne highlighting a warmer, savory essence that Laura thought of as just plain man. She reached up, sliding one hand into the hair at the back of his head and using the other to hold him close. As their mouths met in heated haste, Peter’s arms encircling Laura completely, she felt herself pressed against the back of the vehicle. She moved her legs to more fully melt their bodies together, feeling lust overcoming her sense of anything beyond Peter. He felt warm and firm, large and muscular, the beginnings of his erection evident as he moved against her.

He broke the kiss when they started to lose control of the sounds being drawn from them and the wantonness of their hip movements.

“Get in the car,” he growled, and they quickly separated to slide into their seats. Before even thinking about putting on seat belts, they turned to each other and their mouths met once again for the kind of kisses they really wanted, but couldn’t indulge in publicly. Their intimate caresses became quickly more serious, more heated, and soon they were both moaning as Peter’s tongue teased Laura’s. Minutes later, Laura slid a hand up the inside of Peter’s thigh.

He took her hand from his leg, lifting it to his lips and kissing her fingers, chuckling. “You missed me.”

“I missed you like crazy. And I want you. Let me…”

“Not here.”

“Please? We could get in the back…”

“I am not going to have sex with you in an airport parking garage,” Peter said, a little more gruffly than he meant to, because he was having some trouble resisting her suggestion in his current agitated state.

“It wouldn’t be the first time. I think it was even this garage. Remember when you went -“

“That was… We were in our twenties then.” He consciously tried to slow his breathing.

“And? What are you, a grown-up now?” Laura leaned in and began kissing Peter’s neck, slipping her hand from his and reaching toward his crotch. “Come on. I love you, and I’ve been thinking about you nonstop. Let me touch you…” she purred.

“Stop,” he said, laughing but taking her hand again. “I mean it. You can do anything you want to me when we get home. Now behave.”

She moved back into her seat, pretending to be grumpy as she fastened her seat belt. “Behave. Since when have I ever behaved?”

“Just be patient. I’ll make it worth your while.” Peter gave her a look that did nothing to cool her arousal. “I promise.”

Seeing that he wasn’t going to relent, Laura settled into her seat, smiling contentedly. “It’s good to be home.”

“It’s good to have you home,” Peter agreed, reaching for her hand and intertwining his fingers with hers.

The city looked beautiful to Laura, even in the dreariness of late fall. There was a weak sunlight through breaks in the clouds, and there were still some trees with bright fall foliage here and there. Mostly, the city looked good to her because she had been homesick. She noticed a new building going up on the downtown skyline and pointed it out to Peter, asking where, exactly, it was. When he told her, she scrunched up her eyebrows. “Wait, doesn’t that mean… didn’t you miss your exit? I thought you lived in the Fulton River District.”

“I did,” he responded, looking at the road. “I moved.”

“You moved? You didn’t tell me you moved. When did you move?”

“A few months ago. Didn’t I tell you?”

“No. How do you move, and not tell me?”

“I must’ve forgot. I told you, I’ve been crazy busy these last few months.”

Laura frowned. This was strange. Moving is not something you forget to mention. “Where do you live now?”

“Wilmette.”

“Wilmette! You do not.”

Peter smiled and chuckled a little, but kept his eyes on the road. “I do, actually. You’ll see.”

“Peter, you… that’s… I can’t believe you moved to Wilmette and didn’t tell me.”

“I thought you liked Wilmette?”

“I do. We both do. Remember, we used to talk about living there someday. That’s why I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry, Sunshine. Really. I guess I thought I had.” He lifted her hand from the console where their clasped hands had been resting and kissed it for about the hundredth time since they’d left O’Hare.

Laura shrugged slightly, but she was still uneasy. He had told her that he’d been extremely busy over the months since he’d visited her in Stockholm, and with all that had happened between them, maybe he really had forgotten. But it still struck her as a very strange thing not to mention.

Several miles later, Peter exited the freeway and drove through the Village of Wilmette, a clean, leafy, cute midwestern town with lots of small shops and other businesses lining the streets. He turned into a neighborhood of pretty houses, many of them brick, all set back from the street behind well-maintained front lawns with trees and shrubs. Most of the houses had flower gardens up next to their foundations, although this late in the year there weren’t any flowers blooming. He turned into an idyllic, peaceful street and began to slow down.

“You’re messing with me,” she said. “You bought a house?”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling over against the curb. “We’re here.”

The house he pointed to was two a story brick, with copper awnings covered with verdigris over bay windows, one on either side of a rounded front door that sat at the top of a set of two steps. There was a little patio in front of the door with wrought iron railings on either side. There was a chimney to one side, and it looked like there was another chimney at the back. Peter got out of the car and came around to open Laura’s door as she simply sat and stared.

“Do you like it?” He asked, a sweet, expectant smile on his face that almost hid a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Laura stepped out onto the curb and stood, looking at the charming house. “You didn’t forget to tell me you bought a house.”

He shrugged, pleased with her reaction. “Maybe not. Maybe I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Peter, this is your house? It’s beautiful! It’s perfect! You really live here?”

“Got the mortgage to prove it,” he said, taking her hand. “C’mon. I want to show it to you. We’ll get the luggage later.”

When they reached the door, he opened it and then turned to her and lifted her up with one arm behind her back and one behind her legs.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m carrying you over the threshold.”

All Laura could think to do was laugh. This was… bizarre. Unreal.

They stood in a small foyer with a flagstone floor, a little table with a lamp on it just inside. Something about the table or the lamp, or maybe both, looked familiar to her, but she was so curious to see Peter’s house that she didn’t give it much thought. The foyer gave onto a short hallway.

The first room they came to was a formal living room with a couch and some wingback chairs arranged around a fireplace. There was something about the room that seemed… Then she noticed the painting of a cottage in the English countryside over the fireplace.

“I have that same painting,” she said, her voice a little unsure. “I’ve never noticed that in your apartments, did you just get it?”

“Sort of. Let me show you the rest of the house.”

He led her past the living room to the end of the short hall, which opened onto a large, sunny great room at the back of the house. The room had a pleasant kitchen separated by a span of granite countertop from a family area with another fireplace. Laura was astounded, her head swimming at the surprise of Peter owning a house in Wilmette, and the perfectness of the house itself.

“Oh, Peter, this is great! It’s… I love it! Is this actually a wood-burning fireplace?”

“Yep.”

Again, Laura had an odd feeling about the room. It seemed like she’d been there before.

“This is so weird. I’m having the weirdest sense of déjà vu. I know I’ve never been here before… Holy shit, I know what it is!”

She turned to him to find him grinning like a fool.

“Peter, your house is just like the one we used to talk about. Remember? When we lived in that fifth-floor walk-up in Evanston. Now all you need is a dog named Marshall.”

Peter, now actually laughing, cocked his head toward a sliding glass door that led from the kitchen out to a patio. “Back yard.”

Laura felt herself go numb. Her eyes got big and she just stood where she was, a confused expression on her face. Her voice was shaky as she asked, “What’s going on?”

Peter went to the door and opened it. “Come on. Meet Marshall.”

She almost stumbled as she moved, uncertain and overwhelmed, over to him. He put an arm around her back, enjoying every second of her reaction, but a little worried this might all be a bit too much. He led her out onto the wooden patio, which had two sets of steps down to a small back yard shielded from any neighbors by high hedges. She noticed movement to one side, and her eyes fixed on a red doghouse from which a Yellow Labrador Retriever puppy was sleepily emerging. The puppy saw Peter and ran to the stairs, a little small yet to climb them easily.

“Oh, look at you! You’re so cute!” Laura hurried over to pick up the puppy, who immediately began to lick all over her face. She looked at Peter, eyes still wide, confusion and disbelief still very much evident. “How old is he?”

“She is about three months old.”

“You named a girl puppy Thurgood Marshall?”

“I had to. That’s the name we picked out.”

“I… what?”

Laura had just enough presence of mind to notice that Peter’s smile was heartrendingly handsome. He was looking at her, holding the puppy, as though he was a child on Christmas morning catching his first sight of what Santa had brought.

“C’mon, let’s sit here for a minute.” He sat her down on the stairs that led from the deck to the yard and settled next to her, their legs touching for their full lengths and his arm around her.

“You OK?” He chuckled.

“I… You bought a house.” She looked up at him just as the shocked, confused look on her face was replaced by something else. “That picture.”

“Hmmmm?” He asked, grinning again.

“That’s mine, isn’t it?”

“It was. Now it’s ours.”

“Did you…? What did you do?”

“We moved you in. Everything you had in storage, we moved in here. This is your house. Well, our house.” The grin became a radiant smile.

“Our house.”

“That’s right. You live here. With me.”

Peter realized he should have found a way to record this moment. Her face was registering every emotion that tumbled through her head. He would have liked to be able to watch it again and again, for the rest of his life.

“But… Who’s ‘we’? Who helped you move everything in?”

“Do you really have to ask that question? I could never have finished getting everything ready for you if your whole family hadn’t helped.”

“Our family.”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. Peter, this is…” She reached for him. “I’ve been telling you for twenty years that I love you, but I’ve never loved you like I do now. And not just because you bought me a house. I don’t know how to say a bigger I love you, but… I love you bigger! They don’t have a word for how I feel about you. So how am I supposed to tell you?” Laura’s eyes were overflowing with tears as she laughed into Peter’s shoulder.

“I know how,” he said quietly.

Marshall had been frolicking around their feet as they sat on the stair, and Peter reached out to her, taking hold of a little white ribbon tied to her collar, which Laura hadn’t really noticed. He untied it and something that had been attached to it fell into his hand. As he reached behind himself to take Laura’s left hand, she gasped. He pulled her hand to him and held a small gold band with a solitary diamond shining in the middle just off the end of her ring finger.

Laura laughed again through her tears and said, “Yes. Yes, yes, YES!”

Peter laughed, too. “Always so impatient. I haven’t asked you yet.”

He took a deep breath, wanting to give this moment the seriousness it deserved. As he looked into her eyes, he said, “I love you, Laura. Will you marry me? Will you make a family with me? Be the mother of my children?”

“Yes,” she whispered, suddenly unable to speak.

She watched as he slipped the ring onto her finger. “Peter,” she gasped, “Is this… This is… This is our ring. From before.”

“Yeah, I know. We’ll get a real one, I just needed one to propose with.”

“We will not get a real one,” she cried, suddenly finding her voice as she threw her arms around him again. “This is the real one. You kept this ring, all these years… You will have to pry this ring off my finger.”

For the next several minutes, Marshall became increasingly excited because Peter and Laura were paying no attention to her. They were too focused on each other, laughing, hugging, kissing, and telling each other over and over how much they loved each other.

“Peter, stop. I can’t! This is too much. I’m gonna explode or have some sort of neurological event from happiness overload…” Laura laughed breathlessly. “How many of my dreams are you planning to make come true?

“All of them,” he answered. “Didn’t I tell you?”

#law & order svu #law & order: special victims unit #chicago pd #chicago fire #chicago med #chicago justice #peter stone #philip winchester #rafael barba #raul esparza

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drabblesandheadcanons · 5 years

Text

Tuppaware boxes and Second Chances

(All credit to @bessie-bass-on-the-bass for the original Foster Au headcanon and for her many wonderful fics and ideas and headcanons that made me want to write this- and for making me want to write Six fanfiction at all!)

She’s five and she’s one of the fosters.

(She isn’t sure what a foster is, except that it’s a noun- like girl or cat or person.)

(Amanda and Jody go off to school every day on a bus by themselves, with proper bags- not bookbags and they like reading books that are all words and no pictures at all except on the cover.

Max likes Pokemon cards and turning off her light and holding her door shut.)

She eats her too-soggy Weetabix in her milk-damp dress, forcing mouthfuls of cardboard-tasting mush past the tightness in her throat, and she doesn’t ask again.

It’s quite dark in the cupboard.

And it’s a funny thing- as she stays, the longer she stays, it’s as if the cupboard is becoming darker.

Darker and smaller- she can lean forward and stretch out her hand and only just about touch the wall in front of her with the lightest brush of her fingertips…. But even though she knows this, can feel this, there's a part of her that keeps telling her that really, the wall is just in front of her face, that the cupboard is barely big enough for her, that she can’t breathe-

It isn’t Jessie who finds her and opens the door so the game isn’t over- but everyone stops playing anyhow.

Aunt Meg tells everyone it was too much birthday cake- and no one says anything, even though the cake is still uncut in the kitchen and remains uncut for quite a long time.

After that, she dreams about the cupboard a lot. She supposes it’s the hall cupboard because she can’t remember ever hiding in one before, but in her dreams, it doesn’t look anything like it.

Sometimes, the dreams creep into the day too and she remembers hitting hands and voices loud enough to make her cover her ears.

The first, second and third times she has the dream, Aunt Meg comes into the bedroom to pick her duvet off of the floor and tells her to go back to sleep.

After time number four, she sounds cross, and doesn’t seem to notice when Max pinches her for keeping him awake all night; after a while, Joan stops counting and Aunt Meg stops coming in.

The dreams don’t stop.

Jane doesn’t come into her room without her permission.

‘Sorry. I knocked. I thought-’

She trails off uncertainly- without looking, Joan knows what she’s staring at and fights down the urge to cover the pathetic pile of crumbled stale biscuits with her hands.

The limbo of not knowing is unbearable- it makes her throat tight and her eyes hot (pathetic pathetic pathetic)- and so when Kitty takes a couple of steps into the room, it’s almost a relief.

She doesn’t say anything though, just keeps holding onto the clothes and biting her lip so Joan makes an effort to talk. It’s a slim chance, slim to non existent, but she has to try.

(Clearing her throat hurts.)

‘Please don’t-’

It’s as if this shakes Kitty out of whatever reverie she’s in- she gives a little twitch as if she’s waking up and talks at the same time.

‘It’s alright-’

‘Please don’t tell-’

(Of course Kitty will tell eventually but extracting a promise of silence will buy her enough time to throw everything away before she can get into worse trouble.)

‘It’s alright.’

Kitty’s right next to her now and Joan is tensed up with the proximity- she wants to flinch away, knows she can’t without offending, she’s frozen-

‘I won’t tell Mum, I promise.’

What is she saying?

‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t- I just- I-’ She wants to explain, she can’t explain, it’s too hard. She’s shaking, it’s making the words come out wrong.

‘Hey. It’s ok.’

Kitty’s voice is very soft and very gentle- she doesn’t move, she doesn’t try to touch Joan, but she digs in her pocket and offers a crumpled tissue.

‘Here. It’s clean, I promise.’

It’s embarrassing that she needs it, it’s embarrassing that Kitty is seeing her like this, the whole thing is horrible and embarrassing and uncomfortable ...but at least Kitty doesn’t look impatient.

‘I’m really sorry, I wasn’t- I wasn’t trying to be-’ She falters. ‘Please don’t tell-’

‘I promise I won’t tell Mum, ok? I won’t tell anyone. You don’t need to be sorry. It’s ok.’

The things she’s saying just don’t make sense and perhaps the incomprehension is in Joan’s face because Kitty gives her a sad half-smile.

‘I did the same thing when I first came. Hid food and things so that if I ever got- if I ever needed it, if things ever got bad, I’d have a supply. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?’

Joan nods slowly- there’s no point in lying, and it’s a relief that Kitty doesn’t think she’s being greedy, or that she’s being unhygienic or ungrateful or weird.

Still….

Kitty is still talking; Joan has to make herself listen again.

‘-Of course, you’re much cleverer than I was- you made a much better choice of things-’

There’s a new tone to her voice now, a lightness, like she’s sharing a secret.

‘-Choosing biscuits is much more sensible-’

‘I was just crying my eyes out- it took me SO long until I could even be near an ants nest without just completely freaking out. Jane was so lovely about it, though.’

Kitty’s stopped laughing now, she has a soft, far-away look in her eyes.

‘She didn’t say a word- not as far as telling me off or anything. She looked at the mess, and just took me right back downstairs and sat me down in the living room and told me not to worry, that I wasn't in any trouble at all, and she wasn’t the slightest bit cross and that she’d sort it all out… eventually I stopped crying and apologising and she gave me a hug and went and cleaned everything up…. And then later on, she told me straight out that I never had to worry about not having enough to eat with her, that even if I couldn’t always have exactly the food I might want, I could always be sure I’d have enough to be full and that I never had to be afraid to ask for more. And that things like being warm and clean and having enough to eat were things she absolutely promised I wouldn’t have to worry about ever again.’

Kitty sounds so heartfelt as she talks, it makes Joan want to cry again- for the scared baby Kitty in the story…..and for herself, too, although she can’t quite articulate why.

‘Did you- believe her?’ She can’t quite believe she’s asking it but it’s out before she can reconsider.

Joan nods- she understands that all too well.

‘But after a while, I did.’

‘How?’

Kitty shrugs. ‘She proved that I could. No matter what I did, she always made sure I still had enough to eat, that I was ok. She never shouted, she never lost her temper… even when I- no, I’ll tell you another time, it might give you ideas! No matter what happened, she made me see I didn't have to be scared of her. And she was never cross that I didn’t trust her right away either. She said that too- that she hoped I’d trust her but that she knew it would be hard and that she didn’t expect me to right away but that she hoped I’d let her prove that I could.’

(That’s something.)

Later, Kitty brings the tupperware- empty for many years, apparently, but now filled again from the kitchen cupboard- from her own room and puts it on Joan’s bed with a smile and a couple of books.

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s ok. You can keep it. I don’t need it anymore.’ A pause, and then her head pops around the doorway again.

‘The books I DEFINITELY want back eventually though, ok? They’re Cathy’s. Tell me if you like them so I can tell her- she’ll be thrilled if I’ve managed to get another person into them!’

Joan stammers another thank you, and when Kitty is gone, she looks at the box for a long time before hiding it away.

She wonders if one day, she won’t need it anymore either.

For the first time ever, it feels like a possibility.

#six the musical #six fanfiction #joan on the keys #jane seymour #katherine howard #foster au #found family #joan jane and kitty as a family unit #fluff and angst

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prompt-master · 6 years

Text

For my darling @toosicktoocare, I hope it's to your liking!

It's been 3 years since the success of the peaceful protests and everything is perfect. Prosperity between humans and androids has been achieved, and Hank and Connor lived a happy life since.

...yeah that would be nice isn't it.

Connor opened his eyes. He found that since becoming deviant and shutting out Amanda from his software he was able to...create his own sort of images. Not something calculated, something created. It was strange, new, but also nice. It was especially comforting to him to think of a world where everything was peachy-keen and he wasn't currently a dog walker while Hank got yelled at for disciplinary issues- again.

Connor may be a deviant now, but he was made for what he was made for. He was supposed to be a detective AI who specialized in tracking down rouge deviants. Not...dog walking. It wasn't terrible it was just...well Connor isn't really sure what's he's feeling. He's still trying to figure out what ARE feelings and what isn't just in his code. He watched Sumo lazily trot along in the grass.

Connor smiled, "you are a lot like your owner, Sumo."

Connor imagined if he, a robot, could understand and feel. Then Sumo could too. So when Sumo wagged his tail at him it was like a vauge sense of understanding between them. Connor continued walking Sumo, calculating the best dog walking routes and deciding that Sumo had a little too much weight on him and needed more exercise anyway.

Despite staying with the Luteniet for a few months now, he's never actually taken Sumo out for a walk until now. It was actually somewhat stressful. He knew that Sumo was one of the most important things in Hank's life, especially after spending more than enough time with him. He just...didn't want to mess up. Now he had all these confusing emotions and new processes, he didn't want it to get in the way of his life. It already got in the way of a few cases...

"Lt. Anderson will likely take a while, as he typically spends at least 45 minutes at a bar after experiencing emotional distress. This gives us plenty of time to get in some much needed walking for you, Sumo "

Sumo panted, then walked over to smell another dog's butt.

"Oh she's so cute! Is she an android or real?"

Connor looked up at the voice, a young lady walking the dog that Sumo was currently preoccupied with. Out of habit he instantly began scanning her, noticing the LED on the side of her head, the ring on her finger, and getting her name from a facial scan.

"He's real" Connor nodded towards Sumo.

Emily smiled, pressing her hands together, "It's been a while since I've seen a real dog. Oh, my wife would love to see this! She simply adores real dogs."

Immediately Connor analyzed and realized that Emily was much more in tune with her new deviated emotions and how to express them. This was something Connor could do. This was a chance to just observe and adapt. He could understand himself a little better.

Another woman walked over to them, by the LED light and scan he deduced that she was a deviant named Jessie. As the two of them coddled over Sumo one of the first things he noticed was exaggerated motion, not such stiff posture. Most importantly, a more relaxed demeanor. Relaxed huh? Connor could start with that. He relaxed his arms and back, hands loosening.

Jessie and Emily stood up to face Connor with kind friendly smiles.

Jessie pressed her hand to Emily's, before turning to Connor, "thank you for letting me see your dog. I just love them"

Connor nodded, "of course."

Emily sighed, leaning against her wife, "Sorry if we bothered you on your walk. There aren't many real animals around anymore."

Connor looked at their own dog, a small little yippy puppy. "Yours is an android?"

Jessie nodded with a remorseful look, "unlike us, our little pup isn't so complicated. I wonder is he even knows his two mom's are deviants"

"I never thought I'd see deviants who dislike android pets." Connor stated bluntly.

Emily laughed nervously, "yes well...sometimes it feels like everything about him is preprogrammed, not AI. But at the same time, humans thought the same about us" she sighed, "it's so complicated!"

Jessie laughed, hugging her wife's shoulders, "What matters is that despite our slight preferences we still love our little prince pup! But hey, we should get going! It was very nice meeting you Connor"

Connor nodded again, unlike them he was much more mechanical and thinking. It wasn't that he didn't feel, he just didn't know what to do with it.

He gave an awkward wave, "yes, bye. Perhaps we'll see each other again"

He waited until the couple was gone to set up his preset walking route again. "Ok Sumo, we only have 30 minuetes left on our walk now. We need to get a move...."

Connor looked down to where Sumo had previously been, under a bench. Only to find that the leash he was holding before was just.. completely gone.

He stared down at his hands, his think quicking processors already figuring out the problem. While he was distracted by the couple, he had relaxed his hands. It must have slipped away without him noticing. Oh god. He lost Sumo. Hank was gonna mash him into 100 individual Connor tin cans.

Ok relax Connor relax. You're a top state of the art detective robot. You can find one dog in half an hour.

But...he shouldn't have even been capable of losing Sumo THAT easily.

It's fine. He was confident in his abilities to search. He couldn't have gone far first of all. Sumo was a rather lazy dog, slow and sluggish. And he tracked some snow away, indicating the general direction he headed off in. Connor lifted his head, a quick scan of the area alerted him of a hotdog stand across the street. The scent could have attracted Sumo.

Except...when he questions and looked around the hotdog stand, there was no sign of Sumo. He tried to look through the memories of other androids, except now that they were all deviants they weren't so keen to being used like that. Ok well. That's fine, in fact it's great. There were no distinguishable footprints anymore since so many people in the area were walking over them again and again. Sumo was playing with a dog last he saw him right? So logically Sumo would have followed some other dogs. The dog park would be the smartest place to check next.

...another cold trail. This was looking less and less hopeful. But Connor could stay calm. He was a police bot who negotiated with criminals. Even when he failed he didn't really fail. Connor couldn't fail. He won't.

He almost had himself calmed again when suddenly his vision filled up with a notification indicating he had a call from Hank.

Oh god. Oh god if he answered the call Hank would be able to see what he could through his phone. Hank would see that he didn't have Sumo with him.

Normally in tense situations like this Connor could analyze all the possible choices and make a decision based on the most probable and desirable outcome. Except this time...panic was gripping Connor like a fist. He ended up just, letting the call ring until the notification left, leaving a 'missed call' banner in its wake.

Ok. Crisis temporally averted. Except this meant that Hank didn't go drinking after all, which left him with way less time to find Sumo. In fact knowing Hank he was already looking for him.

He took a step forward, but another call filled his vision.

If Connor could take a deep breath he would. Instead he took a moment to calm himself and turned his phone function to mute.

He had to hurry. It was snowing much heavier now, hopefully since Hank didn't know he left his usual dog walking route it would take him a while to find him.

So Connor kept searching. And searching. He wouldn't fail he couldn't. How could he face Hank again if he did? A half hour of searching turned into an hour, which turned into three. It was starting to get dark now.

Connor sat down on a bench coated in snow and put a hand to his chest. "What...do I do"

He felt so...lost. And this strange unpleasant rush going through him didn't help. It made him feel like everything was going wrong, like it would be better to just runn away. But...the fact that Hank deserved to know what happened to Sumo was much stronger. He pressed the dog leash to his forehead, and turned on notifications again on his phone function.

Connor frowned, he had 38 missed calls and 4 texts from Hank asking him where he was. He couldn't keep this from him any longer. Besides he had already searched in the snow for 3 hours, maube his dedication to trying to fix his mistake will lessen Hank's anger.

Connor felt strange though. Like he didn't want to move. He felt heavy. He just wanted to shut down for a bit. For a half hour at least. He felt cold too, his thermoregulator must be malfunctioning..his body had begun to shiver to try and keep his functions in working order. But he was still cold.

He stood up, if anything would keep him from freezing completely it would be walking home. Another 20 minuetes on the clock.

By the time Connor reached home, his legs were sluggish and heavy. They made heavy clanks with each step he took. His shivers were getting intense enough to be the only thing he could focus on aside from the raging worry and other emotions affecting him.

He opened up the door, head low and hair covered in snow.

Almost right after he heard footsteps running downstairs, "Connor! Is that you?"

God he..he couldn't look up at Hank. He couldn't see his reaction.

"What the fuck Connor? I was about to call the cops i thought you went fucking missing!" Within seconds Hank had gotten a few inches away from him. He pointed an accusing finger to Connors chest, "why did you ignore my calls- I know they go straight you your empty head....woah"

Hank paused, taking a step back. Something somber washing over him at the way Connor quietly shivered with his head low, "...what happened?"

"..." It was now or never Connor. "Lt. Anderson...I-...I regret to inform you that..."

Little fuzzy paws patted in and stopped next to Hank's feet, causing Connor's eyes to open.

"That...that...Sumo is...right here?"

Hank raised an eyebrow, "What the hell are you talking about Connor? Is something in you broken? What the fuck"

Connor lifted up his head, snow beginning to melt and drip down from his hair. He was still shivering, but along with that a clear liquid was also...dripping down from his nose?

The miserable expression on Connor's face pulled at Hank's heartstrings.

"...." Hank tsked, "Jesus Christ. Kid, get the fuck in here ok just sit down will ya?"

Hank grabbed Connor's shaking shoulder and led him over to the couch, forcing him to sit down.

Connor continued to stare at Hank with puppy-like eyes. Hank knelt down to be eye to eye with this stupid android that took over his life.

"Connor, son, you gotta tell me what's going on here. I'm not a mechanic you know."

"I am...I am not sure"

Hank sat back on his heels, impatient and admittedly a little worried, "What the fuck do you mean you're not sure? Run diagnostics!"

"I-" Connor shivered again, pressing his hand to the dripping substance from his nose. Were robots able to feel this...achey. He felt so fragile. "Dignostics are not running. I believe my core temperature has dropped too low"

"Jesus Christ Connor why do you have to do this shit to me" Hank stood up, muttering about how annoyed he was under his breath as he turned the dial for the thermostat up.

"If your temperature was so damn low why the fuck did you stay out in the snow for so long!" Hank gestured towards the window, stance wide and exaggerated.

Connor shook his head, eyes going back to Sumo, "I...thought that I had lost Sumo."

"What? He was home when I got here. I thought you just...I don't know- left to do weird Connor things"

Hank shook his head, there were more pressing things to care about right now. Connor was shivering and they still didn't know what was dripping from his nose. He left the room to get a blanket.

Connor felt his blue blood chilled in his systems. The temperature beginning to affect the flow of everything. His systems were slowing and unnecessary ones such as the phone function were beginning to shut down. Connor's began to scarily flicker into the back of his head as he determined which systems to keep on to preserve power.

To him it was normal, but it certainly wasn't to Hank. Hank dropped the blankets when he saw a shaking Conner with his eyes flickering.

"Holy shit"

He didn't hesitate to run over and tap his shoulder like he would when performing first aid on a human. "Connor? Woah there, you with me? Connor?"

He tapped his face, and Connor's blue eyes rolled back down and focused on Hank. But even after that he took a while to respond.

"Welcome back. What was that. Are you hurt?"

Connor stiffly, even more so than usual, shook his head. His neck joints stuttered and jumped at the movement. "No. I was simply preserving power."

He looked back up at the worried expression of Hank, "I'm sorry. I should have warned you."

"...is life always gonna be this fuckin stressful" he wrapped the comforters he had dropped before around Connor, then fell back to what he was doing before.

He kneeled in front of Connor. "You better now?" The shivers were a little slower.

Connor nodded.

"Great. So first off. What the fuck? Do you have any idea how worried I was Connor? You can't just fucking go missing for 3 hours and not answer my calls. I thought you had gone missing or worse!"

"I...I am sorry. I experienced some...odd distress when I had lost Sumo." Connor's shoulders seemed to pull in on himself.

Hank seemed to frown even more at that, subconsciously pressing a hand to Connor's cold cheek. It was always cold, but right now it felt like an ice cube. That wasn't normal.

"What kinda distress?"

"I am not sure. The stressful kind. I...found it difficult to be rational under such conditions" Connor had his head tilted in thought, eyes slowly blinking at the heavy feeling he had. He felt if he didn't focus he could suddenly shut down. He leaned back into the couch.

"What like...anxiety?"

Connor took a moment to ponder the definition of the word. Then answered with a tense, "yes"

"Well uh. You didn't lose Sumo. He was right here." He put a hand through his hair, "if you had answered my damn calls you would know that"

Connor looked down again, "...ever since becoming a deviant I have been troubled."

Hank looked attentive, but sat back and waited for Connor to continue.

Connor rang his hands together, "living without emotions and suddenly feeling them makes it difficult to make decisions and...understand them or myself."

Connor looked up at Hank, "I'm supposed to be one of the most advanced androids, but I'm not sure what's happening anymore" he shook his head, "when do I let my emotions decide for me? When should I let my processors logically decide for me?"

Hank's face contorted in a few ways. Connor diagnosed them as confusion, stress, understanding, and uncertainty. Even Hank didn't know what to do about Connor. Hank slowly stood up, groaning when his knees popped. He sat down next to Connor and slapped down a hand to his back.

"Yep. Like I said, emotions are shitty and so is being human."

Connor didn't answer, just watching Hank.

"Not even humans get their emotions all the time ok? Look at me, I'm a fucking mess. So don't sweat it alright? You'll get it in time, don't rush anything?"

"And the mistakes I make due to them? Like today?"

"Well" Hank's expression said all the answers he needed, like it was obvious, "answer your phone next time and you'll have a Hank to help you through em. You think humans make the right decisions ever?"

Connor laughed and nodded. Yeah that was something he understood.

"So Connor. How are you feeling right now?"

Connor pressed a hand to his face, feeling dragged down to the ground. He felt like he could fall apart at any moment. He wanted to shut down, or reset real quickly.

"I...believe that I feel...tired."

"Now this is something I get!" Hank stood up, "so lay the fuck down and rest, dipshit! And next time you don't answer your phone I'm gonna kick your ass, got it?"

Connor laughed again, laying down on the dusty couch, "alright Hank" well aside from tired and miserable, he had to admit that he did feel loved as well.

But...before he went into sleep mode. Connor placed to fingers to the substance underneath his nose, then brought it to his mouth.

"Oh- Connor are you fucking kidding me don't put that shit in your mouth! You're fucking disgusting!"

#Dbh #Detroit Become Human #whump #sick fic #Connor #Hank Anderson #fan fic

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obfuscateyummy · 6 years

Text

Watch Your Back part 6

After my weekend away I am back and I decided to bless you all with part 6.

Ya’ll I feel like Macee is the real star of my story and I am here for that. Be prepared.

1,311 words.

Thank you for your feedback and support 💞

“Mami, you think Papi gonna like all the pictures I color for him?” Macee asked as she held up the 10 pictures she had colored in the past hour.

“He’s going to love them, Mija,” you said as you finished braiding the left side of her hair. “Turn your head so I can braid the other side.”

“When you done with my hair I wanna show Papi how I really a Princesa!” Macee smiled wider than you ever seen.

“Remember Papi is busy working, so it will have to be quick,” you reminded Macee.

She nodded, “Mami, can I wear my Princess Anna dress all day? Please Mami? I will be so good!”

You laughed, “Of course, Mace.” How could you argue with such a simple request. You put a ponytail on the bottom of the braid, “There, all done, Mija.”

“Thank you, Mami!” Macee said as she turned around to hug you. “Can we go show Papi now?”

Your phone started to ring in your pocket. A plain number popped up, “Hang on, Macee,” you called after your daughter as you answered the phone

—-

Rafael and Amanda were looking at pictures of the guards at the prison, starting with the females.

“So, Nick said you guys think it’s a guard helping him?” Amanda asked.

“Yes,” Rafael said keeping his answers short.

“You really want to get Santiago for these threats, don’t you?” Amanda asked.

“Full of questions today, aren’t you Rollins? If someone threaten Jessie, wouldn’t you want to make sure he never saw the light of day again?” Rafael asked as he continued to scan through the pictures

“I would, it just. Barba, it seems like there’s another reason,” Amanda said.

Rafael glared across the room at her, “He use to date Y/N. From what I heard, he never treated her good. I just..,”

Neither had a chance to speak again, as Macee ran into the room, “Papi! Lookie! Mami made me look like Princess Anna! I am really a princesa!” She ran onto Rafael’s lap.

“Si, but you’re always a Princesa to me,” Rafael said as smiled and hugged his daughter. “Where’s Mami?” He asked.

Macee shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know. She was behind me then she stopped,”

“Do you want to go ask her to come here?” Rafael asked Macee as she nodded and jumped off his lap.

Macee noticed the pictures on the table and spoke to Rafael, “Papi, why you have this picture? You know the scary lady from yesterday?” She held up one of the pictures.

“Mija, are you sure it’s her?” Rafael said as he took the picture from her hand.

Macee nodded her head, as she started to cry. “She smiled when I told her I was 3 then she made Mami cry. I don’t like her, Papi.”

“Shh, Mija, don’t cry, te amo, it’s okay,” Rafael tried to calm down his daughter. He put her head on this shoulder. “Rollins,” he motioned to Amanda, who was ready calling Olivia to report the latest lead.

“Papi, I don’t wanna see her anymore,” Macee said as Rafael reached over and turned the photo face down.

“You don’t have to,” Rafael said as he held her close to him while she continued to cry. “It’s okay, Macee, I got you.” Rafael looked up to see you walking into the room, with one hand on your stomach and the other whipping your own tears from your face. “Cariño, what’s wrong, amor?” Rafael said as he carried Macee and went to comfort you with his free hand.

“I..I..,” was all you could get out, as you grabbed onto Rafael and screamed as tears flowed down your face.

“Mija, I need you to go play for a minute,” Rafael said as he put Macee down.

“But Papi!” She whined.

Rafael looked at Macee as she sighed, and went to the other room. He then put both his arms around you as he helped you to sit down. “Cariño, breathe, tell me what’s wrong,” he said as he stated to rub your back and move the stray hairs out of your face.

After a few deep breaths, you spoke “I got a phone call, and..and..they knew,” you stopped speaking to cry again.

“They knew what, Cariño? It’s okay, I’m right here,” Rafael reminded you.

Amanda walked back into the room, “Hey, Barba we might have a…” She stopped when she saw you crying and Rafael trying to calm you down.

“Papi, Mami!” Macee said as she began to walk into the room with all the pictures she had previously colored.

Amanda intervened and took Macee back into the room.

“They knew about my appointment today,” you finally said as you put your head on Rafael’s shoulder.

“What!” Rafael said.

“They said…Watch Your Back at the doctors today,” you said as the tears began flowing again, “Then...Then..”

“Breathe, okay? Remember this isn’t good for him, mi amor,” Rafael said as he moved one of his hands to your stomach. He could feel your son going crazy inside you.

“They, Rafi, babe, they said, kiss your husband goodbye tomorrow. It will be the last time,” You could feel Rafael tense up as you spoke.

“I already have extra detail ordered for tomorrow. It will be okay,” Rafael said.

“What if it’s not!” You screamed. “Rafael, I can not lose you. I can not do this by myself!”

“Look at me, Y/N, look me in the eyes,” Rafael took your face in his hands as you looked into his emerald eyes, “You will not lose me.” You started crying and he held you close.

“Mami? Are you okay?” Macee said as she slowly walked out.

You nodded and Macee crawled between you and Rafael.

“Mami, why are you crying? Did Papi tell you he has a picture of the mean lady?” Macee asked.

You stared blankly at Rafael as he spoke, “She’s a guard at the holding cell we have Manuel Santiago in. Amanda and I were going through pictures of all the guards, when Macee ran out here.”

You nodded, as Macee spoke, “I don’t wanna see her anymore,” she said as she nuzzled closer to Rafael.

“I told you you didn’t have to mi princesa,” Rafael said as he kissed her forehead. He then looked at you, “This, it will all be over soon. We will get her, we will get Santiago. We will get our lives back. I promise.”

You nodded and checked the time, “I have to shower and get ready for my appointment,” you said as you rubbed your stomach and stood up.

“Papi, can I watch cartoons, please?” Macee asked as she laid down on the couch.

“Would you like some help, Mrs. Barba?” Rafael asked as he wiggled his eyebrows. He changed the tv to cartoons, per Macee’s request.

You seductively smirked back at him, “Only if you wish, Mr. Barba,”

Rafael went to follow you, when Amanda walked back into the room and spoke, “We have a problem, Barba.”

“Can it wait?” Rafael asked with a heavy sigh.

“It’s about Hernandez,” she said.

“I guess it can’t wait,” Rafael said as he sat down.

“Facial recognition proved it was her at the mall and the restaurant yesterday, and even in the picture Y/N saw her in of her and Macee at the park. Liv went to arrest her, but she hasn’t shown up for her shift today. She’s not at home, and her neighbors haven’t seen her,” Amanda explained.

Rafael rubbed his temples, “So you we don’t know where she is.”

“I’m sorry, Barba. We’ll get her. Every cop in New York City is looking for her,” Amanda said.

“I really hope so,” Rafael said as he stood up, “I can’t let Y/N, Macee, and the baby down. They need to find her.”

TAGS: @whatmarisays @serendiptious-esparza @dreila03 @eggo-poppy @lyssa1385 @madpanda75 @sweetsummertime99 @fall-out-harto @sonnysdoll @santa-feigh @sleepylunarwolf

#rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #watch your back #gracie writes fic #law and order svu #law and order svu imagine #law and order svu fanfic #SPOILER ALERT #I AM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN #👀👀😭

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roastyoualive-archive · 6 years

Note

Meta meme: What was school like when he was younger? Was he bullied? An outcast? Was it hard to control his powers when he was younger as opposed to now?

send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on || ALWAYS Accepting

Well, now, that depends on what you mean by ‘when he was younger’. He was in third grade when his dad got arrested. But, before that, Warren was really a different person. He was never hugely outgoing, was never really an extrovert, but he was definitely- lighter. Not as weighed down by the world.

Happier.

When Warren first went to school, he attended Bayshore Public. It was a small but nice primary school not too far from the Peaces’ house on Pinegrove. He’d made a few friends in Sunny Hills (the daycare/pre-school he went to) who also attended Bayshore, so that helped. Some of them were even in his class! And his teacher was really nice, too. Mrs. Amanda Jenkins, an older woman who had done a lot of travelling in her youth. When she taught geography, she brought in little trinkets and souvenirs from all over the world for the kids to see, and she had ‘community projects’ where she’d get the kids to help with local fundraisers to build a well for a small village overseas. When she got a letter about and photograph of the well from the organisation she was working with, she showed it to the class and used it to show them not only how connected everyone was, but also how little good things can add up to a really big, really important good thing.

By the end of that first year, Warren already had two best friends at Bayshore. Their names were Grant McGraw and Sam White. Grant and Warren had gone to Sunny Hills together, and had been friends for ‘ages’, as they’d put it (’maybe even forever!’). Sam hadn’t gone to Sunny Hills, but he HAD run up to Warren on the Bayshore playground, tapped his shoulder, and yelled ‘TAG - you’re it!’ before bounding away, and, well- They were little kids. That’s all it took. Grant, Warren, and Sam almost always shared a mat during Listening Time. They’d compete to see who could build the biggest block towers (Grant usually won) and debate over which truck was best (Warren usually voted for the red one, because it had the biggest and shiniest wheels. The other two agreed this was a very valid point) and how many LEGOs it would take to build a real rocket ship like the ones at NASA (Sam thought maybe twenty boxes, but only if it was Star Wars LEGOs). Sometimes, they’d go over to each others’ houses on the weekends. He always had to let Mama and Papa know early if he was going to have friends over.

See, just like his dad, Warren got his powers very young. (Penny didn’t, and she was oddly grateful she’d had to wait for adolescence.) Baron and Penny knew they could mitigate Warren’s powers when they were around, but also knew they weren’t always going to be right there. So, ever since he’d first shown his powers, they’d drilled into his head that they were a secret. ‘Don’t use your powers in public’ was drilled into his head along with ‘don’t get in the car with strangers’ and ‘don’t run off where we can’t see you’. They’d explained as well that if people knew what he could do, they might have to move to a new house and a new school, and Warren didn’t like that idea, so he kept it under wraps. Every day after school, or after going out with his friends, Baron or Penny (whoever was closest when they got home) would ask him if he kept their secret. Whenever he said yes, he’d get a sticker, a treat, to stay up a bit later, or even a family movie night (Disney movies, usually). To help with this, when they had a moment, Baron would take Warren into the fireproof garage and let him use his powers as much as he wanted - even give him some pointers. He knew how awful it was to keep fire bottled up, and didn’t want that for Warren, so insisted he get some sort of outlet for it. Penny thought it was a great idea, as long as it was safe and supervised. They’d play games, experiment, or just burn as much energy as they could, to help naturally curb Warren’s desire to power up outside of home. So, thankfully, none of Warren’s friends knew, not even Grant and Sam.

Of course, those two weren’t his only friends - just his best friends. There was also Lacy Chai - his future coworker, and the granddaughter of his future bosses (she helped him get the job). He stuck up for her once when she was being picked on, and that was that. They briefly got teased for ‘dating’, but that didn’t last long. Kids moved on. Mindy Fenter had the best coloured pencils, so everyone wanted to be her friend. She had a crush on Grant, and so let Sam and Warren use her colours too so he’d like her better. Ben Olsen was another Sunny Hills alumnus, and sometimes he and Warren traded snacks. Andy Walker was the funniest kid in class, so everyone liked him, and sometimes he’d play tag and keep-away and four-square with Sam and Warren and Grant. Jessie Sanderson was the best at monkey bars, and a few times she gave the three of them tips on how to do it better and the best ways to climb up to the very top - the part the grown-ups said they weren’t supposed to be on, but never really stopped them from sitting there once they got up. Grant’s older sister, Gina, would make them sandwiches when they were at Grant’s house and she was really nice, and Grant and Gina’s oldest brother Graham would set up games on his N64 and let the three of them play if they promised to be careful, so Warren considered them friends, too. But, not everyone was that nice. There was a bully in their year. His name was Ulysses Harper. He was the tallest in the class, but Warren was almost the same height as him (and ended up being taller, in later years), so for the most part, Ulysses left him alone. Besides, it’s easier to go after solo targets, and the Three Amigos were basically inseparable. (Interesting fact, Ulysses would go on to work as an [unpowered] petty thief for the Battalion, under the command of Saul Springfield, before staying a brief stint in juvie, re-inventing himself as a life coach and motivational speaker, and getting a teaching degree. He returned to Bayshore to teach fifth grade, and was known by all of the kids as one of the nicest teachers in school.)

I like to think that, in a world where Baron wasn’t arrested, it would have continued on like that. The three of them: Side, by side. … By side. They would’ve stayed best friends all throughout elementary school. They’d learn how to skateboard together, be on the same soccer teams over summer, and spend so much time at Livewire Arcade they’d be on a first-name basis with the owner (Vince Upton). They’d have snowball fights in winter and cram like sardines so they could all fit on one lift on the school ski trips (and almost get stuck at least once, almost fall off at least twice). They’d graduate together and be in at least five pictures in the end-of-year slideshow, cheesing it up like the doofuses young kids are supposed to be. They’d all go to Trinity Prep for middle school; Grant was technically outside of school limits, but he begged his parents enough to fill out the paperwork for it, and Gina (who was taking a few years off to help save up for college) agreed to drive him there in the morning, since it was on the way to her job, anyways. The three of them would have a sleepover at Sam’s to celebrate this (he had the biggest basement). Grant and Sam would convince Warren to audition for school plays, and Grant and Warren would convince Sam to go to football try-outs, and Sam and Warren would make sure to actually listen to announcements when Grant became the student council rep. (Another sleepover at Casa de Sam to celebrate this; his parents weren’t surprised anymore when Sam walked in with the other two trailing behind. None of their parents were.) Every Halloween, they’d go out together - coordinated costumes in later years - and pool their candy; Gifts were exchanged every Christmas, cards every Valentines’, and their parents had swapped so many recipes at Thanksgiving that nobody could remember who made what, most years. At one of Grant’s family Christmas parties, a Chipmunks special would come on, and the boys would manage to untie one of the helium balloons and laugh themselves to tears while their parents had wine and talked about whatever boring stuff grown-ups bothered with. Sam and Grant would be disappointed at Warren not going to the same high school as them, but offer a mixture of congratulations and ‘O most learned Lord Warren of Peacefordshire!’ jokes about him going to some fancy ‘private school’, and, of course, they’d agree to hang out over the summer and weekends. Sam and Grant would go to the Lantern to pester him (He’d still work there, just not as often), they’d get together in Warren’s back yard (the biggest of the three) or the park behind Bayshore to play rugby (Sam was best at it, so Grant enlisted Graham - studying to be a gym teacher - for help, and eventually they got enough local kids in to make an unofficial ‘team’), and for a week every summer they’d drive up to Grant’s folks’ cottage to just hang out. It’d be during one of these week-long getaways that Warren would reveal his powers to his friends. They were only upset that he’d waited so long to tell them, and thought it was SO COOL that their best friend was a SUPERHERO, and also, WOW, the fire thing really made your dog’s name make sense (’So THAT’S where ‘Matchstick’ came from! Can’t believe we never figured it out.’ ‘... Yeah, because ‘super powers’ is the obvious conclusion.’). It was also during one of these stays that Sam and Warren would share their first kiss. Grant was a little awkward about being a third wheel, but got over it before that trip was even over. He’d say to Warren, ‘Hey, Sam’s my brother. Don’t hurt him.’ And before Warren could respond turn and say to Sam, ‘Hey, Warren’s my brother. Don’t–’ ‘He’s a superhero, Grantwell, how the hell do I-’ ‘You know what I mean, Sammy!’ and then it’d dissolve into a wrestling match-turned-water fight when the super soakers get brought out. Sam and Warren would take a brief (amicable) break from dating during senior year, but would get together again after only a week or two when they figured they didn’t need to see who else was out there and experimenting wasn’t for them. They’d have a graduation party at Grant’s new place (now HE had the bigger downstairs, Sammy! / That’s dirty, Grantwell / Guys shut UP my mom is RIGHT THERE / Oh sh– Hi, Mrs. P!) and crash on the couch/floor/wherever they felt like. They’d do donuts in the now-vacant parking lot of Livewire when Baron and Penny buy Warren a car as his grad gift and do rock-paper-scissors to decide who got to pick the radio station, next. They’d see every High School Musical movie when it came out without knowing why they enjoyed them so much. Warren would go off to university, as would the others, but they’d stay in contact, and whenever he had time off, he’d be back at Maxville with them. They’d help each other study for tests and surprise the others by driving up to their respective dorms with food (’Pizza delivery!’ ‘This is the weirdest damn pizza I’ve ever seen.’ ‘Shut up, Warhead, I did my best.’ ‘It’s a salad.’ ‘… A pizza’s a kind of salad.’ ‘You’re such a moron. C’mon in.’ ‘Apologize to the pizza first.’). Sam and Grant would buy tickets to Warren’s graduation. (He returned the favour and attended both of theirs, too. They all have three graduation photos on their dressers, each with the three of them in a different school and an only slightly different pose.) When it became legal, Warren and Sam would get married. Nobody would be surprised. Penny would cry, Baron would make a speech that was, quite frankly, much less threatening than people would expect from a former supervillain, Grant would be best man and use all of the vocational skills he learned in middle school to make the best speech he could and pretend he wasn’t getting misty-eyed, just a little drunk. He’d fool nobody. Grant would marry a girl he met at college, Francisca ‘Fran’ Lowell-McGraw, and they’d have two daughters: Ginger (’Ginny’) and Clementine (’Clem’), both of whom would be absolutely spoiled by Uncles Warren and Sam. They’d be walking home from the gym one night when Grant suddenly remembers and lets them know that, hey, guess who’s Clem’s teacher this year? Ulysses! … The one we went to school with– Yes, I’m sure, how many guys named ‘Ulysses’ do you know? And then they’d get in contact with him. He’d apologize for being a jerk when they were kids, they’d tell him dude, that was like, thirty years ago, it’s cool, and they’d all go for drinks at Callahan’s, the bar that had opened in the same spot Livewire used to be. Dr. Warren Peace, practicing psychologist, would get a call to go deal with ‘some problems’ that Grant McGraw, local radio host, and Sam Peace, foreman of a construction crew, would have rehearsed excuses for (’Oh, man. Did the office server shut down AGAIN?’ ‘You really gotta get an IT guy on that, babe.’) before he ducked out to let the vigilante super Hellraiser make an appearance and keep Maxville safe. He’d live a pretty normal life for a super, and he’d be happy.

But, as we all know, that didn’t happen. Baron didn’t get to retire. Warren’s life was far from normal. And Warren wasn’t happy.

Baron was arrested just before Warren’s seventh birthday. Literally, the day before. It took a bit of time for it all to sink in. What do you mean, Dad’s not coming home? Dad always comes home! He’s probably just at work, or on another business trip, like the one he went on last year with Uncle Saul, or- Or maybe he’s getting a really BIG present and it’s just taking a while to get here! He’ll be back, Mama. Just you wait.

And wait Warren did.

Every day, by the door. He’d bring his snacks there, books, toys, anything to while the hours away. He just had to be there when Dad got home. Didn’t want to miss it. And that started cutting in to after-school hang-outs with his friends. Nah, he can’t go to Sam’s pool party, sorry, guys. It’s okay, though, ‘cause he’s not that good a swimmer, anyway. He doesn’t wanna go to Grant’s tree-house for ghost stories. He doesn’t wanna go play tag. He doesn’t even want to be in school, and it was getting hard to focus when he was there. He just wants his Dad back. So he waits. It was about two weeks before it started to sink in that Baron was Gone. Another week and a half before Warren fully realized it. He didn’t really understand why at the time. Sure, people tried to explain it to him, but it didn’t make sense. They kept telling him dad was a bad person, and that wasn’t true. They were lying. Dad had always been a good dad. A great dad, even. And he always came home. But not this time.

Losing a parent is hard. It’s even worse when you’re young. Warren was a mess of emotions as he struggled with his father’s arrest. Anger, confusion, fear, grief, maybe even some guilt. He didn’t know how to explain or communicate any of this, though. He was seven. And kids can be cruel. When Ulysses smelled blood in the water, he pounced. Boys aren’t supposed to cry, Warren. What are you, some kind of wimp? A sissy? A baby? Why don’t you go crying home to mommy and daddy, huh? … That was the first time Warren got into a fight. It was also the first time Ulysses Harper, age seven, had the fear of God put into him. Nobody had been around to see it. Ulysses had been class bully for two years, now, and had long since learned to make sure the grown-ups were away before picking his victims. So nobody could really explain how those burns got on his shoulders. Most people just assumed that Warren had to have shoved Ulysses into one of the heaters. Penny knew better, of course, and had plenty of time to talk to Warren about it, seeing as he got suspended for a few days. He protested this. It wasn’t his fault! He hadn’t started it, and he hadn’t meant to-! Penny did the best she could to hear him out, but have a serious talk about proper use of powers. Warren was only half-listening. There was too little notice to book a sitter for the days he was out of school, so he spent most of the time sulking behind his mom’s desk while she was at work. Not much to do there except read (which he normally liked, but wasn’t in the mood for), colour (which he couldn’t focus on), or think. He had a lot to think about. He thought about how unfair the punishment was. He thought about how much he was starting to hate school. He thought about how much he missed his dad. … He thought a lot about his dad. Everyone seemed convinced he was a bad person. Warren didn’t think he was bad. In fact, he’d been Warren’s hero. Warren had wanted to be just like him when he grew up. … Did that make him a bad person, too? Penny tried to assure him that it didn’t, but everybody else seemed to think so. He could tell.

It was obvious, after all, especially at school, when he finally went back. Teachers were a bit more tight-lipped around him. Kids gave him a wider berth. Grant and Sam were unsure of how to handle it. They noticed the change in their friend, of course. They were children, and kids are often much smarter than we tend to give them credit for. But they were only in second grade. They didn’t know words like ‘trauma’ and ‘depression’. Nobody had thought they’d need to. They were only in second grade. They didn’t know why Warren was so upset. They tried to talk to him a few times. Even tried to invite him to play with them. But he didn’t do much talking in return, and even snapped at them, once. (Felt awful for it immediately after, but the damage was done). Parents were less inclined to invite him to their houses after news of the Ulysses incident spread. Though he never got up in Warren’s face again, Ulysses was in fact guilty of contributing to the whispers that circulated the lunch hall. It was these whispers - and the stares - that made Warren not want to eat with the other kids. He’d usually spend lunch hiding in the library or the washrooms. He never let anyone see him cry again. When people started getting louder in their jeers, he’d turn on them until they learned to keep their words hidden away behind his back. He still heard them. Everyone knew what they said about Warren Peace. That kid was trouble. Dangerous. Good-for-nothing. He’d end up in juvie someday, if he was lucky. What a shame. His poor mother.

The thing about hearing that sort of thing often enough is, eventually, you start to believe it, yourself. So, Warren did. Penny tried to convince him otherwise. She told him she loved him, and not to listen to them, that she was proud of who he was and how strong he was being and that no matter what anybody said, he was a good person. That didn’t stop him from blaming himself when they lost the house. He’d given away their secret, after all.

Moving around so much didn’t help things, any. The shelters and apartments he and Penny ended up into were usually in less-than-nice areas of town and brought with them a lot of noise and chaos. School became the only ‘peace’ he got. So, even if people tried so socialize with him (they didn’t), he wouldn’t want any part of it. He wanted to have some time to breathe, and read, and sleep during breaks. Even if people wanted to invite him over or hang out after school (they didn’t), he wouldn’t be able to have them at his place, and he didn’t really have the transportation to get around, any more. When he got involved with the school lunch programs, new whispers got thrown in. He was the Poor Kid, now. People started turning their noses up at him. One kid - Jack Osgood, who’d transferred to Bayshore in fifth grade - thought it would be hilarious to knock his lunch tray out of his hands. Warren, who had never said a word to Jack, had hardly even looked at him, but who had been looking forwards to that ham sandwich and Minute Maid (meat and juice are expensive), punched him in the jaw so hard Jack fell into Becky Lowell, and then the lunch room was chaos. Warren got another detention. He didn’t get another lunch. The teachers didn’t care who started it or why. They never did. Warren had learned pretty early that he had to deal with this stuff, himself. Trying to get help from the faculty only ever made things worse. So, he explained what happened to his mom, when she finally showed up, and only really felt bad for disappointing her. Well, and for making Becky spill her fruit punch. No, he hadn’t wanted to get into a fight with Jack. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He just wanted to be left alone. ... And his sandwich. Of course, teachers didn’t see it, that way. Neither did the other kids. Safe to say, Warren had just ruined his chances of making any friends at Bayshore. At least people did leave him alone, after that. Jack had a bruise for more than a week that reminded people why that was a good idea. Warren didn’t care. They’d be graduating soon, anyways. (Nobody signed his year book. Not even Mr. Richards, the homeroom teacher. Warren threw it in the recycling on the way home.)

When he was twelve, Lacy got him a job at the Paper Lantern. Warren’s still not sure what possessed her to reach out to him. They weren’t exactly friends. She was a bubbly socialite, on the mathlete and cheer squads. He was the guy nobody wanted to be anywhere near, and he couldn’t afford extra-curriculars. In reality, Lacy felt bad for him. She didn’t think he was as bad as people said. She still remembered when he stuck his neck out for her way back in first grade. Sure, she didn’t get what he was going through, but she wanted to help, so she offered him a job. Warren was twelve, and had spent the last five years learning how to best live off food stamps and minimal cash. He’d seen how stressed mom was. ... He felt like a lot of that was his fault. So, of course he took her up on the offer. She made a case to her grandparents, and he was hired as a dishwasher. It wasn’t much, but it was something, and about all he could do at that age. He’d also realized that he’d probably never get into college without a scholarship. They’d never be able to afford it. Not in a million years. And he’d decided long ago what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to be a psychologist, and he wanted to help people. You need a degree for that. So, when Warren wasn’t at school, he was working (Up to forty hours a week, by the time he’s a teenager). When he wasn’t working, he’d be studying. Sometimes, he’d even bring his books to the ‘Lantern, and be reading while he was up to his elbows in soap suds and dirty flatware. The people at the local library knew him well, but, that was about it as far as new relationships. A schedule like that doesn’t leave a lot of time for socializing.

Warren graduated Bayshore without much fanfare. He moved on to Trinity Prep middle school. ‘Go, Titans’. By this point, Warren was growing his hair out. He was wearing his typical darker colour scheme. Black was easier to keep clean, and didn’t catch soot and smoke stains as easily. Black was also always in ready supply at the second-hand stores. And, as a bonus, it reinforced an image that kept people at bay. Sam went to Trinity, too, but he and Warren hadn’t really spoken in years. (Grant ended up going to Our Lady of Providence, a Catholic middle school. His family wasn’t religious, but, hey, it was closer and had a better computer sciences program, which is what his parents wanted him to go into, so.) In a way, Warren was glad for the new school. Not as many people knew him, here. Not as many people cared. Warren appreciated the isolation. The breathing room. Work was busy. He and his mom still hadn’t found an apartment that stuck (but they were getting close). He didn’t mean to keep setting off the fire alarms. He got better with his powers as the years went by. It was a struggle, though. Yes, Penny was an elemental, too, but she did water and wind (mainly water), not fire. He had to figure a lot of things out for himself. They’d always thought Baron would be the one to teach his son how to control his pyrokinesis, but, of course, he wasn’t around to do that, any more. And the older Warren got, the more he was starting to learn why that was. It was really-- Polarizing for him, if that’s the word I’m looking for. Now, I could write a doctoral thesis on Warren’s feelings about his dad, and how weird it is for him and how it probably would have been better, almost, if Baron had been a horrible father and made Warren hate him from the get-go, but this is about Warren’s school life and (lack of) friends, so I’ll just say it became even more of a touchy subject than before.

One of the many things Trinity had that Bayshore didn’t was Career Day.

Warren had been dreading it since it had first been announced. He knew Mom wouldn’t be able to take time off to come in. And, Dad? Warren hadn’t seen him in almost six years. It’d be a damn miracle if he turned up for it. Probably a federal crime, too. So he didn’t bother telling Mom about it. He didn’t want her feeling guilty about it - she had enough to worry about. He managed to slip away when everyone else was filing into class after the first break, and snuck off campus. For the next hour, he wandered idly around the neighbourhood. Nobody tried to stop him. He was always tall for his age and old for his youth, and that - combined with his perpetual scowl - made people pay him no mind. A typical delinquent. Of course he wasn’t in school. Best keep your distance. He returned to school about an hour later, and when the teacher (Josephine LaRose) asked where he was, he shrugged and told her he’d just not been feeling well. As always, the other kids started to talk. Some of them said he’d ditched to smoke, others to sell drugs. And his parents hadn’t shown up! Oh, the rumours that flew, then. In any other setting than a public school, they could’ve been called slander. Nobody ever said anything to his face, though. Gossip had spread from some of the Bayshore alumni, and as gossip tended to do, it had been embellished and enhanced until the other kids were terrified of Warren. They didn’t want to end up drinking their burgers through a straw like Jack Osgood, after all. (Jack, for the record, had never needed to liquefy his food. He was totally fine over at Westwood Middle School, and barely remembered ever meeting Warren Peace.) So Warren only heard whispers in passing. Usually, a glare and a ‘what was that?’ was enough to shut them up. He didn’t really care if they were talking about him. Let them talk. He was used to it. But nobody knew his father like he did (and, given that these kids weren’t in the super community, they didn’t know him at all) and heaven help anyone he caught speaking ill of his mother. She had enough to deal with without some snot-nosed punk speculating about how she earned a living. He didn’t regret scaring those kids, nor did he care about the lectures he got as a result. Leave him alone, leave her alone, and he’d leave them alone. He thought it was fair. Honestly, if it wasn’t for his 4.0 average (which all of the teachers were sure had to be a mistake) making the school’s test scores look good, they probably would have expelled him. It wasn’t even that he got into that many fights - he didn’t, not really. You could count the number of actual physical altercations he got into on one hand and have fingers left over. He was never disruptive in class. Never talked back to the teachers (or really talked at all, if he didn’t have to). Always turned in his homework completed and on time. But- He was a bad kid. Just look at him. He’s Trouble, capital T, and the sooner he got out of that school, the better for everyone else.

And he did get out.

He graduated Trinity Prep and skipped the convocation. Went to work, instead. Rent Day was coming up. After a lot of moving around, eventually, a letter would arrive telling him he got into an exclusive high school, but- We’ve all seen how that worked out for him, so, for now, I’ll end this here.

#personifiedchaosx #;school gossip (ａｓｋｓ)#;extinguished (ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｃｈａｒａｃｔｅｒ)#;student record (ｈｅａｄｃａｎｏｎｓ)#thank you!!!! ;w;#bullying tw //#violence tw //#ask to tag

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