#And I'm so fucking weird and awkward and difficult who could ever be able to handle me

[wachi-delectrico]

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The matters of the heart...

#Feeling really stupid today #Idk why i let myself feel like that when i knew it wasn't reciprocated #I'm just stupid and awkward #No guy will love me ever again #I know that's hyperbolic but that's just how I feel #I just filled my head with sweet nothings without considering what they wanted or even what I wanted #I feel like it is on me though #They really showed signs of it and i knew it would happen but I just didn't want to believe it i guess #What makes me feel worse is that I'm getting all sad and upset about this when we are just friends and were never in a relationship #While i broke up an actual committed relationship of 10 years and didn't really feel all that bad about it #I guess it's the difference between breaking up with someone and being broken up on #BUT WE WEREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP SO I FEEL SO DUMB FOR FEELING LIKE THIS OR EVEN SAYING IT #that's why it's hidden in the tags :') #Reactionarily I'm like 'i should've never broken up with my boyfriend; i didn't want to be in that relationship anymore- #but at least he loved me' #Hhhhhh i don't know man i feel so stupid #I just want to feel loved and cherished and understood beyond just a friendship level kind of thing but #I just feel like it'll never happen again #Like it's so hard for me to socialize and meet new people #And I'm so fucking weird and awkward and difficult who could ever be able to handle me #AND I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT FEELING THIS WAY WE WEREN'T EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS UGHHHH #I HATE MY BRAIN #i feel like those In The Know are gonna judge me #...... There's like a 0% chance he's gonna read this but still I Hope He Doesn't Ahahahahaha #Hhhhh idk man i just want to sleep and be sad today #I feel so stupid #Honestly? This is karma for breaking up with my ex and not feeling nearly as bad as he is feeling right now #Hhhhhh I'll get over it.... #I just... Idk #I just want to be loved like a man loves another man (gay)

[kimmimaru]

So, probably a bit TMI (mentions of mental health) for random internet strangers but oh well. I'm sticking it under a cut for people who don't care lol.

So, I've been having a...difficult time lately. I'll keep it simple and just say I'm struggling pretty bad with personal shit. Anyway, I was considering looking into counselling but the NHS no longer fund talking therapy, it's only CBT and stuff which is helpful but not what I need. So I'd have to pay through the nose. And even if I could afford it I've only been able to find 1 single person in my entire town who specialises in treating autistic people. There may be more but honestly I have no idea where to even begin looking. Also like there's loads of groups for older people and people with toddlers but nothing for parents of older kids, groups for the parents I mean. I struggle very badly with making friends and talking to people, I'm awkward as fuck and have no idea how to socialise. Unfortunately I'm not a child so don't have anywhere to go to meet people like me. It's hard to make friends when neurotypicals have an instinctual dislike of autistic people (ok not everyone but apparently they can identify people as 'weird' without even speaking to them and generally tend to avoid us). Sorry, I did say this was probably TMI, but I'm just so fucking lonely and so stressed I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not sleeping either and unfortunately I don't have anyone to actually talk to about it so this is why I'm posting this here. Its at least just getting it all off my chest, even if it's not a long term solution maybe it'll be enough to actually help me get some sleep tonight. My mum was the person I talked to about all this shit, the only one I felt I could actually confide in and she's gone. I have family but they're busy with their own lives and tbh...I never felt like they ever really got me. My dad's a very closed off man, not in a cold way, he was always affectionate but he and my mum got divorced a long time ago and since then I've never felt able to talk to him about deep stuff. I suppose it's something to do with broken trust and all that crap. My sisters are way too busy and have their own problems and lives and my only brother is a lot older than me and far away. They all love me and care about me, I have never doubted it but none of them are neurodivergent. They don't understand me really and never have (that's not a self pitying 'oh woe is me' it's just a fact). It's a very weird feeling to be surrounded by people who love you but knowing they just don't get you. I am extremely aware that people would kill to have what I do, a big, loving family and they try really hard to understand and help but sometimes you just need more weirdos like you who see the world the same way and have the same kind of issues you do. What I want is a day. Just one single fucking day where I can just do what I need to do around the house without just staring at it for hours before I work up the spoons to do it. I want one day where I can actually do something creative as I've lost my drive (probably temporary, depression usually has the opposite affect on me and I write MORE when I'm depressed for some reason). I want to play with my daughter without constantly worrying about if she'll eat something other than junk food (she's an extremely picky eater), or is she'll take a bath without a fight or if she'll actually drink something for a change (yes, we are in contact with doctors about all this, it's just an extremely slow process). I want to wake up and not be exhausted for a change, I want to not be in constant pain for no fucking reason (chronic fatigue...yay). I want to not spend my days unable to focus on anything, to not be constantly disassociating because my stupid brain can't cope with too much sensory input. I am exhausted, I'm grieving and I just want to be normal for a fucking change. Anyway, it's all a lot more complicated than what I've written and it's very unlikely this makes any sense at all. But I needed to write it down, to tell someone, somewhere just so I can stop obsessing over all these thoughts. Maybe now I can sleep.

#Rant post #very long #I don't expect anyone to read this it's a little bit more personal than what I usually post and I'm sorry for that

[serenehwa]

Answer

Genre: Smut Pairing: insecure!Hongjoong x Reader Word Count: 2.1k Summary: You reassure Hongjoong that he is, in fact, quite a beautiful man... With your mouth. 

I did not proofread this and I am barely awake. Enjoy anyway! It was as normal of a day as any, the sun was shining and it was warm outside; not too hot, not too cold. The two of you were resting in Hongjoong's apartment, taking a day off from doing something socially exhausting, choosing to stay inside instead. Both of you were on the couch, you were sitting up and browsing social media as Hongjoong's head rested on your thighs, immersed in whatever game he was playing on his phone. You had been dating for about a month now, nothing too crazy or serious, but you obviously cared for each other and enjoyed spending time together. There was something you considered to be slightly strange, however, Hongjoong had gotten you off multiple times using his tongue, fingers, and even his thigh but you hadn't ever gotten him off or even seen him naked. You chalked it up to him being nervous, as he was a virgin and you were not but you hadn't really breached the conversation thus far. You were willing to be as patient as he needed you to be, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't even slightly curious about his reasoning.

"Hey, babe?" You questioned, putting your phone down and looking at him.

"Yeah?" Hongjoong looked up at you with his big eyes, smiling his big smile.

"I have a question, and I don't want you to like, take it in a bad way or pressuring or anything, okay?"

Hongjoong immediately sat up, a worried look suddenly making itself very apparent on his face. Before he could even start, you opened your mouth to speak again.

"It's nothing serious, really." You giggled, "Please don't look so worried! It's nothing bad!"

Hongjoong smiled again, sighing in relief, "Okay, what is it? I'm all ears."

"Is... Is there any reason in particular that we haven't... Like, ever gotten you off? Like, the focus is always on me..." You stuttered out, feeling slightly awkward about bringing it up seemingly out of nowhere.

Hongjoong looked at you with a serious face, before scrunching it up as he looked down, fiddling with his fingers as he thought of what to say.

"I mean, it will probably sound stupid to you, so I haven't talked with you about it." Hongjoong started, "You already know that I haven't ever been with anyone before, and I'm... Insecure about... things... I guess?"

"Can I ask you what things you're insecure about? I highly doubt I'll find them stupid." You questioned.

"I mean.... My performance? My weird faces I'll make? If I'll be too noisy? And... I'm not exactly... Big down there?" Hongjoong's voice just got quieter and quieter as he talked, "It's just, kind of scary to think about it not being good for you. So I just haven't done anything yet."

You looked at Hongjoong, who was too busy biting his lip and staring down at his own fidgeting hands to notice your staring.

"Oh, honey." You started, "Do you really think that I would care about any of that? I like you for you, and that includes all of you. Every part of you is special to me. I don't ever expect you to be perfect, no one is. I'm certainly not perfect."

Hongjoong looked up at you, staring into your eyes for a moment before speaking.

"... Really? You don't care about any of those things?"

You moved your hand to grab onto Hongjoongs, giving it a squeeze before speaking.

"I just want you to be comfortable with me, and happy... Also, you're really, really hot and I'm immensely attracted to you, if that helps you feel any better."

Hongjoong laughed, "Yes, yes that does help me feel better. But it's also scary! What if I'm not sexy at all during the times I need to be the most sexy to you?"

You raised your eyebrow, giving Hongjoong a teasing look, "You're... Literally so hot. I mean it. There is no way for you to not be hot when I'm working on making you cum."

Hongjoong blushed, feeling your words go from his ears straight to his dick.

You moved towards him, getting onto your hands and knees and crawling closer to him, "Can I try, please?"

Hongjoong slowly nodded, speaking with a tiny whisper, "I mean... Yeah... It's not like I haven't been wanting to, I've just been really nervous of what you would think..."

You finally brought your lips to his, kissing him slowly as you pushed him down onto his back.

"Are you really sure?" You asked, "I don't want to do anything you don't want to."

Hongjoong looked at you, gulping before beginning to speak, "Of course I want to do this, I've just been nervous and we hadn't talked about it or anything.... But I feel better after talking about it with you."

You nodded your head before bringing your head down to kiss him again, dragging your lips against his as your hands roamed his clothed torso. You could feel his heart racing, and his breaths were already getting shallow just from the kissing. He brought his hands to try to roam your chest, but you stopped him, pulling away to whisper in his ear.

"Hongjoong, this is going to be about you right now. I'm going to be focused purely on you. You deserve this, and I'm dying to see you."

Hongjoong let out a tiny groan, nodding as you brought your lips back to his to continue kissing him. You pressed your tongue against his lips, deepening the kiss to turn it into a full blown makeout session as you fully straddled him. You brought your hands to the waistband of his shirt, sliding under it to caress his abdomen. Hongjoong shuddered beneath you, letting out a tiny whimper into your mouth. All you could think was, "Fuck, and he didn't think he'd be hot?" as you felt his abdomen twitch beneath your fingers.

"Can I take this off?" You whispered against his lips, pulling at the waistband of the shirt.

Hongjoong let out a soft groan and nodded, sitting up slightly to assist you in removing it.

You looked down to see his bare chest, his nipples were erect and he was breathing heavily. Bringing your lips to his neck, you began to leave open mouthed kisses along his collarbone, nipping at his soft flesh as you moved lower to take a nipple into your mouth. Hongjoong brought his hand to cover his mouth, feeling embarrassed about letting out any sounds. You licked at his nipple, bringing a hand to fiddle with the other one as well and Hongjoong just arched against you, letting out small whimpers against his own hand. You could feel his cock twitching against your ass, knowing that he had to have wanted this for a while. You ground your ass against his cock and looked at him, only seeing his eyes roll into the back of his head as he moaned into his hand, body arching again and again off of the couch with every clothed grind into his cock. You moved your body lower, kissing along his abs as your hands began to fiddle with his belt.

"Please move your hand?" You asked him, reaching up to gently move it yourself, "I want to hear and see you, you're absolutely beautiful like this."  

Hongjoong looked away, feeling unable to meet your eyes, "I'm just... Embarrassed... But it feels really good..."

Hongjoong was blushing, his entire face and torso was flushed and a slight sheen of sweat was starting to form.

You focused your attention back onto his pants, making quick work to undo his belt as you tried to shimmy his pants down his thighs.

"Can I take these all the way off?" You asked, standing and stepping to the side of the couch to make them easier to remove.

"Y-Yeah..." Hongjoong sighed out, feeling like continuing to talk was going to be difficult for him.

You brought your hand to his boxers, slowly dragging them down his thighs as well. You finally saw his cock and immediately thought to yourself that he didn't exactly have any reason to be ashamed of it. It was maybe a bit below average length, a little on the thinner side but nothing to complain about. Hongjoong wasn't exactly a big guy in general, and his cock was proportional to his body size. All you could think about was how delicious he looked and how badly you wanted to please him in every way.

He was fully naked and you took in his entire body, he looked at you for a moment before covering his entire face with his arms, "Please... Don't just stare at me!" He shyly stuttered out from behind his arms.

"Hongjoong..." You began, climbing onto the couch again to rest between his thighs, grabbing onto his arms to try to move them to look into his eyes, "You are the most gorgeous human being I have ever seen, and your body is so goddamn beautiful, just like every other aspect of you."

You continued to look at him as he swallowed, not being able to find any words to respond to you. You brought a hand down to his cock, wrapping your fingers around it to slowly pump it and Hongjoong looked right into your eyes, letting out a soft moan as you stroked him.

"O-Oh my God." He groaned, "It feels so good."

You sat back onto your legs, settling into a position to let you see all of Hongjoong as you continued to stroke him. He was breathtaking; his entire body was flushed, he couldn't stop arching into your touch and at this moment you were nothing but thankful that he was so sensitive.

You brought your mouth down to kiss along his thighs as you continued to slowly stroke him, letting your tongue dart out to lick against the soft skin. Hongjoong whimpered, his legs began to twitch against your tongue with every kiss planted along them.

"P-Please...." He whimpered, "I need more, please. I can't-"

You looked up at him, his head was thrown back against a pillow, eyes closed and his mouth was wide open letting out continuous streams of heavy sighs and soft whimpers, his hands were gripping against the material of the couch and he looked desperate for release.

His begging is enough to get anyone going, you thought as you brought your mouth to the head of his cock, making quick work to lap up the beads of precum that had come to rest there before taking it completely into your mouth. Hongjoong let out a long moan as you took all of him into your mouth, arching into your touch as you held him at the back of your throat.

"F-fuck," Hongjoong stuttered out, "I can't believe how good this feels."

You continued to lick and suck on his cock, bringing one hand to lightly fondle his balls as the other hand rubbed tiny circles onto his inner thigh.

"I- There's no way," He spoke again, breathy and full of whimpers, "I'm going to cum."

You felt his balls tense up in your hand, and his shaft began to twitch and you knew he was definitely going to cum soon. You took him all the way into your mouth, letting his cock rest against the back of your throat. Hongjoong's hand found yours that was on his thigh, squeezing it as you felt him twitch against your throat.

It wasn't long before you felt him release, cum filling up your mouth and throat as he let out a long, breathy moan, crying out your name as he squeezed your hand as tightly as he could. He continued riding out his high as you moved your mouth against him, milking him for all that he has to give.

You sat up as he came down from his euphoric high, bringing your lips to his to kiss him again.

"Did that feel okay? Do you feel any better?"

Hongjoong looked up at you, breathing heavily and feeling slightly incoherent from what had just taken place, "Yes. I feel better."

"So, does that mean I can do this again?" You asked.

"Yes, you can definitely do this again." Hongjoong smiled, "In fact, I would be incredibly sad if you chose not to do this again."

You grabbed Hongjoongs clothes and stood up, "So, since I've seen you naked now... Does that mean we can start showering together?" You smirked.

Hongjoong sat up on the couch, "I think that sounds like a really good idea, actually." He giggled out, "And I'm thinking we could have some fun in there too? I think I owe you now."

You reached out your hand to grab onto his, pulling him up and into your arms for a hug, "I love it when you read my mind like that." You whispered against his lips, dragging him along to the bathroom for the inevitable round two.

#hongjoong #ateez #hongjoong smut #hongjoong reaction #hongjoong reactions #hongjoong imagine #hongjoong imagines #ateez smut #ateez imagines #ateez imagine #ateez reaction #ateez reactions #kim hongjoong #kpop smut #kpop imagines #kpop imagine #kpop reaction #kpop reactions #smut #fanfiction #kpop fanfiction #ateez fanfiction #hongjoong fanfiction #karissa writes

[eryiss]

Ship: Freed x Laxus

Rating: Teen

Prompt: Late Nights, Early Mornings.

Summary: Long distant relationships are difficult, made worse when it's between two men in different colleges. But Freed and Laxus will make it worse, and if secret phone calls late in the night are what's needed then that's what they'll do.

Notes: This was day three for my admissions to Fraxus Week. It's hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus, who you should check out for more Fraxus content.

Links: Event Masterlist ||| Archive of Our Own, Fanfiction

Four Ways to See the Dawn

Year: 1982

Location: Washington DC, USA

"Hey."

"Hey."

Laxus murmured the word, quietly fiddling with the cord to the phone as he glanced at the sleeping man in the other bed. The stranger seemed to be sleeping soundly, snoring without a care in the world, and so Laxus felt pretty confident that he had privacy. So long as he didn't make too much noise, he could speak without being overheard.

Good, this was going to work.

It wasn't ideal. It was nearing two AM, and Laxus had found himself fighting sleep as he'd waited for his roommate to pass out. The guy was apparently something of a party animal, and he was fully taking advantage of the many frat parties, drinking nights and mixers that filled the first weeks of college. Laxus had avoided them all – they were all too loud and rowdy for him – but he understood the appeal. He couldn't be angry that the man was so unpredictable; Bickslow would hardly know that he was stopping Laxus from his phone call with Freed, after all.

Freed didn't have the same problem. His college, which was half way across the country, didn't have roommates to worry about. He'd promised that he'd be waiting by the phone for him whenever he was ready to call, and he'd answered the moment Laxus had rung.

"You sound tired," Laxus teased. "Didn't wake ya, did I?"

"No, but it was close," Freed chuckled, and the sound was incredible. "I missed hearing your voice."

"Me too."

They'd promised themselves that, for the first two weeks, they wouldn't talk. College was a big thing, and they couldn't fuck it up, so decided they need to fully submerge themselves in college culture instead of becoming shut-ins who only spoke to one another. It was the right thing to do, they both knew it, but Laxus had been missing Freed's presence every day, and no amount of taster classes, tours around campus, and bottles of tequila would remove that.

Freed had always been there. They'd grown up on the same street, played on the same sports teams, and attended the same house parties. Jokes had been made that they were attached at the hip, and that they might as well be inseparable with how much time they spent together.

Laxus had to smirk at those jokes. If only they knew.

It had happened quite randomly, really. Laxus had broken his leg in the last year of high school, and he'd had to sit out on the final game in their baseball tournament. Freed had ended up hitting the home run that won their team the game, and had been rightly commended. Laxus had stumbled into the locker room on his crutches when everyone was left so he could congratulate the man in private. Freed had clearly noticed that Laxus was more melancholy that joyful, and forced Laxus to admit it felt shitty to miss the final game of his high-school career, even if they did win.

Freed had waited for a moment, thinking of what to say. Then, with his thigh resting against Laxus' non-broken leg, he quietly whispered 'I won it for you, you know. Not for the team.' The words were packed with years' worth of friendship and passion, and they were forever imprinted on Laxus' mind.

He'd kissed the man without thinking. Freed had kissed him back.

What followed was a summer of making out, going to the romantic spots around Magnolia under the pretence they were still just friends, and, on the last night before they left for college, they'd slept together for the first time. It had all been incredible.

But the summer had to end, and they could hardly keep going as they had. Magnolia was small, and their friendship was known well enough there for nobody to question how much time they were spending together. Now they lived in different states, a long and expensive train ride away from each other. The making out and the dates and the sex would have to stop, because it didn't make senses for it to continue. All they had left was quiet phone calls late at night where nobody could overhear them talking.

It wasn't perfect, but it was enough for now.

"You, erm, you done many classes yet?" Laxus asked, cringing at the awful question.

"No, they start on Monday," Freed answered, and shifted slightly. Laxus idly wondered if he were in his bed or not. Freed looked good in bed, curled up in a dressing gown with a book. If Laxus was there, he'd content himself by running his hand through his hair. "You?"

"A few taster things, just tryin' to find out what I wanna major in, y'know," Laxus all but scuffed his feet. He hadn't expected this to be this awkward. "Guess you don't have that problem."

"No," Freed agreed. He was training to by a surgeon, Laxus was at college mainly because he didn't know what else to do with his life. "How's your roommate?"

"He's good. A little weird but seems harmless," Laxus glanced at the sleeping man, who was stretched over his bed and drooling. "Seems to be out at parties most nights, so maybe I'll be able to call ya earlier in the night. Not force ya to stay up so late."

"It's worth it," Freed said without missing a beat. "I've missed you, Laxus."

"I missed you too," Laxus whispered.

Neither man spoke for a moment, and Laxus wished he knew what to say. He wished he had a ridiculous story of his fun, interesting college life that he could use to break that layer of awkwardness and entertain Freed with. But he'd done nothing; college was much less interesting than he had been led to believe. He couldn't think of a thing to say, and the electric humming of the phone was getting on his nerves.

Freed must have felt the same way, as Laxus could hear him fidgeting across the phone. Laxus wished he could just pull the man into his arms, as he often had in their quiet nights alone over the summer. But he couldn't. For months, he couldn't.

"It's gonna get easier, ain't it?" Laxus asked. "Doin' this?"

"It will," Freed said, and he sounded sure. "It'll take some time, but it will."

"Fuckin' better," Laxus mumbled more to himself than to Freed.

"It will," Freed repeated. "And thanksgiving is only a few months away, and we'll be able to see each other then."

"Guess so," Laxus nodded, trying to feel encouraged. "You still doing thanksgiving with me and Gramps?"

"If he'll still have me."

"He will," Laxus replied immediately, and then forced a smile onto his face. "And I promise it'll be more successful than last year."

"More successful? Is that possible?" Freed asked sarcastically, and Laxus chuckled.

"You saying that me and Gramps getting into a screaming match, the turkey ending up in the cat's litter tray, the two of us getting covered in cranberry sauce, and the neighbours making a noise complaint wasn't successful?" Laxus scoffed, smiling as he remembered the night the previous year.

He also remembered how, just before Freed drove back to his own home, he'd confessed that it was one of the most enjoyable thanksgiving's he'd had.

"You seem to not realise that, with long hair, pureed cranberries really have a lot of space to hide in," Freed chuckled. "A problem you don't seem to face."

"I'll aim for your face this year then," Laxus grinned.

"That's all I ask," Freed was grinning too, Laxus could hear it in his voice.

The situation wasn't immediately remedied, but they found themselves talking about the ridiculous shared moments they'd endured in Magnolia, and Laxus felt the awkwardness seeping away minute by minute. It was nowhere near as good as driving to the mountains, lying on his car's roof with Freed curled against him, but damn if it wasn't the best couple of hours he'd spent since arriving in Washington.

He didn't remember falling asleep, but he did remember waking up sometime later in the morning. The phone was clutched against his chest, the line dead, and the sunlight was fluttering under the curtains. He smiled privately, and closed his eyes, phone in hand.

---

"Freed, you okay? It's four in the mornin'?

"Hey. You're awake. Hi."

Laxus forced his eyes open, groggy and sleep deprived. He blinked a few times, sitting up. The ringing of the phone he'd just answered seemed to still be blaring in his mind, and the overly loud, inelegant words that his boyfriend had just near yelled into his ears made Laxus wince. It was nearly four thirty in the morning. Why the hell was Freed awake?

"Course I'm awake, phone's fucking loud," He complained, sitting up and leaning against the wall. "Why're you awake?"

"Ever and Mirajane," Freed said, as if that answered anything. Laxus waited a moment before he realised that was all Freed felt he needed to say.

"What about them?"

"I told them that it was my birthday tomorrow – or, well, it's today now, isn't it. But it was tomorrow when I told them. Well, technically it was yesterday when I told them, but in the context of me telling them about my birthday, my birthday was tomorrow, which is now today," Freed spewed the mess of words out, and Laxus could hear him frowning. "They said I needed to go out drinking. They wanted to take me out for my first legal drink."

"Yer turning nineteen, not twenty-one," Laxus deadpanned, though smirked.

"Oh yes, so I am," Freed was frowning. "I broke the law many times tonight then."

"Sounds like it," Laxus chuckled. "You only just gettin' in? It's pretty late. Or early, I guess."

"No, we left the club at about one. We've been in the dorms for a few hours, Cana knows someone who can get us beer cheap, so we kept going. Someone made me brownies, but I wasn't allowed to eat them because apparently they had pot in them, so Mirajane slapped the guy and said she'd report him to campus security because we only found out when Jet and Droy started talking about the walls having a face," Freed laughed heartily, and Laxus smiled, imagining the man's expression as he did so. "Why do people always put weed into brownies? It's so overdone. Why do you never hear of a pot carrot cake or banana loaf?"

"Brownies are easy to make, I guess," Laxus grinned.

This was uncharted territory for Laxus. Freed wasn't exactly a total rule follower, but his parents were strict and so alcohol was something he'd never risked. Laxus had always wondered what a drunk Freed would be like. Apparently, he rambled and was happy. It was a nice side of him to hear.

"You think brownies are harder than a banana cake? You know nothing about baking," Freed laughed at him, and Laxus smirked. "Do I have time to bake a pot filled gateau, do you think? It might make mother's book club interesting at last."

"Don't spike your ma with drugs Freed," Laxus instructed, and Freed laughed.

"Yes, it sounds bad put like that," Freed agreed. He was quiet for a moment, and Laxus heard the sound of something hitting the floor. Perhaps one of his boots, given the clunk. Laxus had become something of an expert at figuring out what Freed was doing by the sounds he made. "It'd serve them right. Rather see you than them."

"Come on Freed," Laxus sighed. "They're your parents, they wanna see you."

"Well they didn't on parents' weekend, or at thanksgiving, so why now?" Freed huffed, fabric shifting now. He was probably getting into bed. "They're taking me to dinner, and I saw the place. It's got five stars, Laxus. That means it'll be stifled and pretentious. They won't know what to say to me, so we'll just eat in silence and we'll all want it to end because we know we don't have anything in common and they're only coming because it'll look bad if they don't," Laxus wished he could deny the claim, but he knew Freed's parents and that was probably true. "Would've rather gotten the train to Washington so I could see you."

"Shouldn't I be coming to yours?" Laxus asked, trying to change the subject to something less maudlin. "It's your birthday."

"You saw my campus when you drove us home," Freed dismissed, and Laxus supposed he had. They'd driven back to Magnolia together for some time alone, as Laxus passed Freed's college on the drive back. "It's my turn to see your place. Your classrooms, your student lounge," He paused, and was clearly smirking when he spoke again. "Your bed."

"My bed, huh?" Laxus smirked. "What were you gonna-"

Laxus would have continued, but an airborne pillow slammed into his face. It took his sleep-lagged brain a moment to understand what had happened, and he slowly looked towards his glaring, very much awake roommate. He probably should have realised that the phone would have woken them both up, not just Laxus.

They looked at each other for a moment, Bickslow unblinking. Laxus wanted to speak, but no words came, and Bickslow was the one to fill the silence.

"Look, you know I'm cool with you two being together. Probably been to more of the marches than either of you two, so be as gay as you wanna be," Bickslow's voice was croaky and hoarse. "But don't phone fuck when I'm in the room. It's just bad manners."

"We weren't gonna-" Laxus cut himself off. He couldn't be sure of his words, so instead he said a guilty, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Bickslow shrugged. "Just give me my pillow back and we'll call it even."

Laxus did as he was told, and Bickslow took it, hooked it around his head so it covered his ears, and turned to lie facing the wall. It was as close to privacy they could get in the small room without either of them leaving, and Laxus appreciated the action. When he spoke again, his voice was more of a gentle whisper.

"You should probably get to sleep," He instructed, and grinned when he heard a yawn overpowering his words. "Make sure you drink water before you crash, okay? And don't bother with yer classes, you'll either still be drunk or too hungover to take anything in."

"Yes, I suppose I will be," Freed agreed. "I'll call you once my parents leave."

"Okay," Laxus nodded. "Happy birthday, baby."

"Thank you," Freed said softly. "Goodnight. Love you."

"Love you too."

Laxus hung up the phone, curled himself back under his covers and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to sleep, he heard the grinning words of his roommate as he said, 'you two are so damn cute.' Laxus' retort of 'fuck you' was only slightly less threatening because of the smile he couldn't shake, and the yawn he couldn't hold back.

---

"Don't talk, I need to say something."

"Laxus? What's wrong?"

Laxus was jittery. He'd been jittery all day. He'd had nervous energy throughout the night, and it kept waking him up and he did whatever he could to get to sleep but nothing had worked, and he'd found himself stressed, awake and jittery. He couldn't stop moving. Couldn't stop bouncing his leg or taping his fingers or flexing his arms because he needed to do something with this energy, but he didn't know what.

At six AM, after a night of awful, interrupted sleep, he'd decided enough was enough. He'd changed into running gear, pulled out his Walkman and stormed from his dorm room. He'd ran for however long, and yet the jitteriness didn't go. If anything, it made things worse.

Calling Freed had been a last resort.

He hadn't returned to campus yet, instead finding a phone booth to climb into. It had started to rain as he'd run, and he was dripping wet as he rang Freed's number. The cold and the wet were the last things on his mind. He just needed to get on the call with Freed, just needed to hear that thing's would be okay and that he was making a big deal out of nothing. Freed was a smart guy, and he wouldn't bullshit Laxus about important things. No; Freed would make things okay.

"Dad's court case was moved forward," Laxus spluttered before he could stop himself.

It was supposed to be in the autumn. It was supposed to be months away. That would give Laxus time to prepare himself, to know what he was going to say. To get out of his own head so that he could focus on taking the bastard to jail. It was not supposed to be next damn week!

Laxus was a character witness. In the trial itself, he wasn't all that important, but he knew that the media would love to know what he thought about his father. Ivan was a well-known businessman, and his scandal had been national news. He'd made many enemies over his years working, and people were relishing in his downfall. Everyone wanted to hear how not only was Ivan a bad businessman, but a bad father too. Laxus wasn't ready for the attention, he wasn't ready for anything.

Freed took a moment to think before he replied.

"Where are you?" He asked. "Are you in your dorm? I can hear the rain."

"Erm, no," Laxus shook his head, looking around. "I'm near a park. Not sure where."

"Right," Freed murmured. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need," Laxus faltered.

He needed to be told that everything was okay. That the court case would just be a single day in his life, and he could get past it and move on. He needed to hear Freed saying that he would get past this, and that his life would return to normal. He needed to see Freed's warm smile, the one he seemed to show only to Laxus. He needed…

"It's nothing. Sorry if I woke you."

"Go back to your dorm, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"What?"

"The trains start running early. I can probably be at yours by ten," Freed mused aloud. "I want you to go back and try to sleep. You mentioned that Bickslow has hypnosis tapes he uses to sleep, borrow one."

"Freed, you don't need to come here," Laxus tried to argue, though he didn't want to. "You don't have the money."

"I'll find it," Freed dismissed. "The next train leaves at seven, I believe. I'll be on it."

"Freed."

"Laxus."

Anyone who thought that Laxus was the more stubborn one out of the two of them clearly didn't know Freed.

"You really don't need to come," Laxus whispered, the rain pounding on the small box he sheltered in. "I'll be fine."

"You deserve to be better than fine, Laxus," Freed whispered back.

Silence hung on the line, and at that moment Laxus' world only persisted of the small phonebooth, the rain clattering down on it, and the man on the other end of the phone. He closed his eyes, clenched them shut, and tried to focus on the soft sound of Freed's breathing. Freed was coming. He was coming to make things better. As much as Laxus wanted to protest more, because Freed couldn't afford it and he was going to miss his classes, he just wanted his boyfriend in his arms. He just wanted him there.

"Are you sure?" He asked in a shaking sob.

"Of course," Freed assured him. "Go back to your room and sleep, I'll be there soon."

Laxus did indeed return to his room. He showered off the rainwater, ignored Bickslow's questions as to what happened, and curled up into bed. The white noise tape that Bickslow gave him cleared his mind, and as he assured himself that the clump of blanket he was clinging to would soon be replaced with Freed, he felt everything become just a little more manageable.

---

Sun hit Laxus' face, a gentle warmth that woke him up. He smiled as it happened.

A roadside motel was hardly the most comfortable place to wake up, but Laxus couldn't think of anywhere better to be at that time. No amount of bitter coffee, cramped showers, awful breakfasts, and itchy sheets would stop that. Not when he was waking up with Freed in his arms.

It was Freed's graduation day, the final nail in the coffin of their shared college experiences. Once today had finished, there would be no more dorm rooms, no more phone calls, no more long distance. They just needed to get through the ceremony, and they would be free to spend as much time as they wanted together, without the looming dread of being split apart by the oncoming semester that had previously seemed ever present.

It was over. They were done with college and free to love each other fully and wholly.

They'd found an apartment they could afford. They'd gotten an odd look when their realter had seen two men wanting to live in a cramped, one bedroom apartment, but they didn't care. Three years split apart was over, and they felt they deserved their own place no matter what other people thought about it. They'd more than paid their dues in being apart; they were owed time, and a home, together.

It worked out well. Freed's career meant he needed to continue studying, and he'd found placement in a hospital on a partial scholarship in New York. Laxus, over his time in college, had decided sports journalism was where his passion lay, and he'd been shortlisted for multiple internships in the city. It was all perfect.

Speaking of perfect, Freed made a small mewling sound as he woke.

"Mornin'," Laxus smiled.

"Morning," Freed croaked. He leant up and pressed his lips against Laxus', resting against his body. "You're awake early."

"Excited to see you get yer degree," Laxus shrugged.

"Excited to see me leaving the dorms, more like," Freed chuckled, resting his head against Laxus' chest.

"Can you blame me?" Laxus asked as he ran a hand down Freed's side and kissed his crown.

"Not at all," Freed hummed, contentedly.

Laxus hummed, watching as the new morning sun filled the room. Flashes of a future where this would be his every morning, where Freed would always fall asleep in his arms and wake up beside him. Freed would be his, and he would be Freed's, as they were always supposed to be.

Their love story was quiet, made up of fleeting moments and late-night phone calls. Not the stuff of fairy tales, but, for them, perfect.

#Fraxus Week #Fraxus #Freed Justine #laxus dreyar #Fairy Tail #Fanfic #Writing #One Shot #1980's AU #College AU #Word Count 3.8k

[victoriousscarf]

Can I ask about the path you took toward working in public history? I'm in grad school at the moment. (I also have a complicated family situation and the world is kind of a mess so I'm not necessarily expecting an answer that gives some kind of set path I can follow, I'm just curious.)

Ok... So ...

Like I think it's always hard to be in the public history field and be like yeah! You're totally gonna get something! Because of my like cohort when I started grad school I think... 3...no 4 of us have stable employment in the field. One I know of is field adjacent. One left to become an artist, one has never held a job in the field at all, and a lot have either struggled with work or been underemployed. So it's rough and I think the pandemic has made library/museum/archives jobs way harder.

But.

I went to school specifically in a program for archives and records management. That program no longer exists, and most archives jobs want an MLIS anyway. (I've gotten some shady looks from hiring managers not in the field because they're like... It's not an MLIS and I'm like no? Because it was way more specialized?? Like I am super qualified okay I promise). This was... Not a great idea. The more specialized you are, the harder to switch tracks it is. I've been considering going back for a museum degree just for more flexibility because that's honestly the only way to survive in this field. Right now I'm seeing more museum jobs than archives, but my curator friend was insisting it was the other way when she was applying so it's also just luck of the draw.

So I have super specialized education. Pros and cons.

I then took an internship as an interpretive ranger at a national park site. And that was the best thing I ever did for myself. There are several programs that do internships with the NPS, but a lot of them are age specific. The one I did was for 26 and below, so it wouldn't be useful for older folks going back to school but! There's also federal jobs that are either for people still in school (I think it was called pathways back then?) Or some jobs are only open for recent grads. It was paid and they provided housing. A lot of internships don't do that and it's awful and there's been a slow but steady reckoning in the field that unpaid internships are bad and exclusionary to people who don't have any support sytem backing them.

Working for the NPS opened up a lot of doors for me. The federal government is very difficult to break into. It doesn't really matter what the job posting says, if you don't have experience, you probably aren't getting through the questionnaire. (And yes. There are questionnaires. So. Many. Questionnaires). But if you luck into an internship, you learn about the system and you get experience and no matter where you go after that, it's good to have in your pocket in case you need it again.

After that I also lucked out with a partnership program through my old grad program. It is definitely worth checking to see what sort of connections the program might have. Because I got something like 9 months of work that was paid for by my grad program to work in an entirely different state to finish a project for them. Look around, connections really matter in the public history field. If you have the chance to go to a conference, yeet yourself toward it. It's hard to like meet people, but the nice thing is most folks in the field are fucking nerds who are probably socially awkward too. Archives potlucks are hailrious because 89% of the folks have got social anxiety. They all wanna bring a book and sit and read quietly. But the more people you meet, the more connections you make, the better (also Archivists looooove twitter. Ugh. And there's a lot of really good archives/library/museum groups on facebook. I'd recommend them).

The more weird shit you can put on your resume, the better. Saying which parks I worked at (sometimes very famous ones) made me stand out. I also ran a day long academic conference in grad school and was president of a student chapter of a professional organization. It almost killed me, but it stood out in people's minds. One of my co workers did field work in Eygpt, and our supervisor mentions seeing that on her resume all the time. Like that was part of what drew him to it. Again, money is an issue for most people and this is hard to pull off, but weird shit helps you stand out. Emphasis anything cool you've ever done in your whole life. I also did national history day in high school. That meant I was our education specialists favorite person when it came time to help high schoolers on their project. Even if it's too late for you to do that in high school, see if you have a regional competition nearby. Or state even. Volunteer. That's also something that stands out (plus helping wee history nerds can be a treat... When you're not being reminded why high school was so terrible lol).

I also moved to 6 states in... 5 years. And I don't mean neighboring states either I mean I started on the west coast and flung myself all the way to the western side of the Mississippi River. And then North. And then South. And then West again. This is not possible for a lot of people because a) money and b) family. Even with all that moving I was unemployed for 6 or so months in the middle of it. It is hard to be looking for work so constantly and then packing up your life and yeeting yourself to another state /again./

I also have a chronic condition with regularly scheduled flare ups. Moving away from my family for work has sucked, being in pain and having to explain to a new boss I'll have to take some time off every year to like, lay on the floor in pain, sucks. So like. It can be done even WITH stuff like that too.

But I have been incredibly lucky. Because I got a few breaks when I needed one. Because I was in a position to go for what I could take. I also missed certain chances I should have been able to take. That's never a good feeling but it doesn't mean one missed chance or fuck up is the end of the road.

So yeah, as you said, every circumstance is different, every road is different, but I do think hearing a) it can be done and b) different approaches to how it can be done, can really help. Like even if you can't do the same stuff, maybe there's something in there that can help out. Some spark of an idea of something to try.

(I'm also making this public in case it helps anyone else ... I hope that's okay).

(this got long lol. But I was trying to think of like any advice that could help. There's a lot of pathways to get into the field, but volunteering, weird shit on that resume, being willing to go the extra bit, those are probably the most basic take aways anyone could try).

#vs does an ask #vs does a text post #public history

[intheseautumnhands]

Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))

Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.

* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)

Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD

Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.

(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!) 

 Klaus/Diego:

when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)

my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).

What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)

What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)

things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.

My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.

My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.

Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>

when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.

my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.

What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).

What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)

things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.

My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.

My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)

#spikeymarshmallows #asked and answered

[jojoreadwhat]

T W E L V E • A Gwilym Lee Story | 3. the one with the same cliche story

Sylvia •

Gwilym and Joe’s apartment was intellectually eclectic, and expensive looking. Exquisite crown molding around the room. White washed walls with art and photographs along them. Various different aspects, colored vases and decor. Lots of greenery hanging from the ceilings and shelves. Large bookcases covering the wall from top to floor, opposite of the entertainment center. With a grey couch in the middle of living space. Completely laid out differently compared to ours.

Lucy and Joe could be heard in the kitchen, leaving me to look around. I stood in front of the bookcases. Examining the poets and authors lining the shelves.

All pretty editions, Capote, Burroughs, Huxley to name a few. I picked up On The Road, impressed and just wondering who read these between the two gentlemen living here.

"Liking New York so far?" One of the gentlemen, Joe asked standing next to me now, holding out a glass of wine.

He was quite handsome. Tall standing at five foot nine.!Dark chestnut eyes that somewhat gold from the amber glow nearby. Rich auburn hair. Dressed in a white button down short sleeve, nicely loose against his build, showing off his semi toned arms. Along with a pair of black faded jeans, shaping him out quite admiringly.

I smiled, trying my best to disguise the slight startling of his entry. Placing the book back, before my fingertips met Joe’s lightly.

I shrugged a little, "I mean I've only gotten as far as my fire escape." I answered, then. "But so far I like it." Watching the corners of his lips curl while I took a sip from my glass.

"Please make yourself comfortable." He suggests, his large hand extending to the sofa. His voice lathered in a light New York accent, smooth throughout the room.

I sat down next to him, still observing the artwork on the walls. "Your apartment is really nice." I broke, Joe nodded slightly with a smirk. "Thank you, its more of my roommate's tastes than mine." He replied. I slowly nodded, "Even the books?" I pressed, taking another sip of the bittersweet mix of berries. Joe nodded again, looking over at the collection behind us and resting his arm onto the back of the sofa. "Yeah, I'm more into music."

"Is he like an English professor or something?" I kept going, he shook his head. "He's a photographer." He corrected, "An artiste, he likes to say." He mocked jokingly, before grabbing a peppermint from the wooden box on the coffee table.

"And what do you do?" I asked once more, leaning back and adjusting more comfortably than what the stiff sofa could offer. Trying to balance my interests in both of the neighbors I was gaining for my stay here.

Joe’s lips parted lightly, "A barista in the morning, a deejay by night." The charming pearl of his teeth unveiling. "You know, the cafe is actually hiring. I can ask Jimmy to fit you in for an interview sometime this week." He finished, taking another swig if his beer.

I never worked that task in my life and my mouth just rattled with questions. Joe chuckled, comfortingly that it was easy. Before going on about things he's heard from Lucy at numerous occasions.

"Isn't she a trip?!" Lucy pointed, entering the living room. Joe nodded to the statement when she sat down on the arm chair nearby, her wine glass resting in her hand.

I sat listening, chuckling and pouting to myself because I was running low on the wine I was nursing. Smelling the aroma of the sauce just about done.

Lucy and Joe picked up on a story. Joe talking about my interview for Thursday and Lucy talking about how much of a riot Jimmy is. She was in the mist of beginning a story about him when I heard keys jiggling against the knob.

A dark haired figure coming through before the keys hit the dish on the table next to it. Dressed in black with a brown paper bag resting in his arm.

Lucy turned towards the sound, "Gwil!" She greeted, "Running late like usual." She added, turning and shooting a smile my way. He shot a faint "Hey" before he walked closer to the chair she was in, and the amber lights hitting him more clear now. Portraying more of his features, the dark scruff peppered over his cheeks and jaw. The two buttons undone at the beginning of his collar, shining a silver chain faintly.

"Long day?" Joe added, Gwilym sighed. "Something like that." He answered, his accent being completely different than from Joe. His eyes immediately meeting me, with his brow angling a bit. My eyes bashfully hitting the table in front of me.

"Gwil, this is Sylvia. She'll be staying with me for a while." She explained, catching the slight awkwardness fill the space. His expression relaxed, probably remembering what he was told before. I shyly waved, he smiled when I did so.

Lucy offered to get him a beer, while going to check on dinner. But he shook his head, "I'm good." He replied, fixing the sleeve rolled on his arm. "I have a few in my room." He finished, saying goodnight and exiting himself.

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Joe said before turned and looked over to me, "He's quite a character." He reassured, only leaving me baffled and gulping the last sip of my glass.

-

A variety pop station played through the alarm clock I uncovered while unpacking my new room. It was a nice room. A blank canvas with white walls and big windows looking out a fire escape to the street and building across. A full size bed, with a nightstand and a white shaped lamp. A large dresser and rack, making up for the closet that was converted into a bathroom.

I kneeled onto the dresser across my bed, lining up ten books and a few vases on the shelf above it.

"Please tell me you've never worn this." Lucy slurred after opening the second bottle of Wine. I turned my head down to her, as she sat pretzel legged on the floor and holding up a cluttered patterned blouse. Finding it as she went through my boxes of clothes, her specialty.

"I have, it was a big hit at the office." I mentioned confidently, she chuckled. "Of course it was, you worked with people over forty." She corrected, folding it before adding. "Another thing we'll work on while you're here. Let you indulge in my discounts." Quietly enough for me to catch.

I rolled my eyes, going back to sorting the look of my shelf. We got quiet again into our jobs. I hummed to myself to the bubblegum playing while I switched to the piles Lucy made on my bed to place into my dresser. The silence between got me thinking, rehashing tonight at dinner across the hall.

I wasn't sure why I allowed it to bother me, I never even heard of Gwilym until today. His first impression made me weary I guess, like I didn't belong. Even with the whole 'something's bothering him.' I was probably overthinking it all, it just gave me a weird vibe.

I looked down at Lucy again, refolding her sloppy technique. "So that guy Gwil." I spoke, seeing her head pop up suddenly.

"What about him?" She questioned, grabbing the bottle and sipping from it. I felt so silly, I shook my head. Forgetting about the whole thing but Lucy insisted.

I place my hands on the dresser with the ugly blouse still in them, "Like" I began, "Is he always so short like that?"

Lucy shook her head, "No, not always." She said, then. "I think he must've had a difficult client or something. He's a bit pretentious at times but confusing most of the time."

I felt my lips form out "Oh." Continuing with the fabric in my hands until I grabbed the next.

-------------------------------

Gwilym •

My morning has been in total chaos from the start. From waking up late and missing the first chute to work, to spilling my coffee over proofs. Then for Lolly to set passwords to all my upcoming appointments. She even went through the extent of calling three clients and booking them all in the same time. Rushing two and losing my touch to get them done. Finally reaching the waiting room for the third and noticing they left and I wasn't going to get paid from Allure anytime soon.

Luckily lunch came around and some of the pictures of the sessions I was able to finish came out exceptional. I closed shop and headed three blocks up to 15th and Canal to Jimmy Bean. Where Joe worked and made my coffee better than what Lolly would get me.

The bell over the door dinged when I entered. The place was busy for the little time before lunch. The dark wood tables taken by one to three people at each. Matching nicely with the different colors painted on the walls and odd pieces of art. Eclectic as the shop was now owned by a bearded hippie man and his wife.

The color leathered stools aligned the counter happened to be empty. I grabbed a newspaper by the door, making my way before I sat heightened from the floor. My black clads resting on the bar below. Reading the city's headlines. Waiting for my friend to get done being flirty with the blonde at table three.

"Want a scone today? Jimmy made blueberry ones." Joe asked, taking a rag to the counter in front of me. I nodded, mouthing a "Please" before my glasses back to the paper and Joe grabbed the fresh pot.

I felt the steam nearing when he poured the hot liquid into the color block mug, "So were you okay last night?" He began, before placing a plate with the scone in front of me.

I sighed, bringing the mug to my mouth and indulging the bitter black mud down my throat. "Lolly quit on me and left me a mess at the studio." I fulfilled.

I went on with a further explanation on what could've made her split. My looks, my persona, the way I was with Keya, or that I played with her feelings which I'm always good for. I know the kind of guy I am, I don't blame her for walking away, even though she left with haste. But I'm glad she learned that nothing was ever going to happen after just fucking her.

Joe eventually derailed the conversation to the importance of our rent and how he had a gig tonight at Drougie's. I was getting a little carried away about a possible gallery show being booked when the kitchen door opened. Jimmy came out blabbing to himself at first while he held it open. Then a short brunette followed after, it was Sylvia, Lucy’s friend.

"Joseph, you'll be training Miss Altman tomorrow morning in between customers." Jim  explained, as he reached her a pin name tag to decorate and a fresh black apron.

I watched as she stood poised, but it was hard for her. "Make her something on the house will ya?" He added before reminding her to be in at seven and going on to greet regulars. Once he turned around, the straightness of her lips curled.

"Thank you soooo much Joe!" She exaggerated gleefully. He just smiled at her, "No problem, no problem." He repeated, before telling her to take a seat and going to give her a 'first lesson.'

Sylvia turned the corner of the counter, her curvy figure coming more into play. Dressed in a black camisole cover by a little black cardigan. With a burnt red skirt meeting at her thigh with buttons down the middle. Loose strands of her dark brown hair falling from her ponytail and meeting her collarbone, wearing a minimal of makeup. She was quite pretty, a lovely smile and so delicate like. She sat with her posture so well and her legs crossed over the knee, showing off her platform slides.

She ordered an iced macchiato, I glanced sheepishly, seeing that she was too from the corner of her blue eyes. I smirked, deciding to redeem myself from last night.

"I apologize for my choppy behavior last night," I began, watching as she turned to me. "I'm Gwilym."

She smiled lightly, "Oh no worries." She reassured, stretching her hand towards me. "Sylvia." Her skin soft to the touch in mine.

We went back to our silence before Joe joined our conversation and opened the door for all to come out on the counter. I watched as she twirled her straw between every sip of her drink and how pretty her lashes were.

"So what made you come to New York?" I asked, she smirked looking at her cup. "Well you know Lucy. She can be abrasive in a good way." She began, "But mainly for a change and I'm looking for something bigger."

The same cliched story for every woman I've ever come across in this city. I nodded slowly, unimpressed. "Typical." I muttered quietly to myself.

Or at least I thought it was.

"Excuse me?" She asked, I shook my head trying to play it off. "Nothing." I pressed, but she crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you mean by 'typical'?" Making air quotations.

I sighed, "It's just your story is just the same like everyone else in this city." I explained, just allowing my foot to go further into my mouth.

Sylvia just huffed, mumbling a simple "Rude."

"And your story is different?" She mocked me, I chuckled. "I mean yes, I came here with a plan." I replied, she chuckled piercingly. "Wow, so different."

I looked at her straight from her mock comment, surprised to say the least that she was not going to back down but I did.

She shook her head by my sudden quietness. Placing a five dollar bill from her clutch into the tip jar before stepping down from the stool.

"Well Im not here to entertain you." She added once more, catching a swift of her perfume as she reached in front of me. "In the mean time, thanks for the scone." Saying a goodbye to a confused Joe and heading on her way.

#bohemian rhapsody #borhap #joe mazzello #mine #gwilym lee #gwilym lee imagines #gwilym lee smut #gwilym lee fanfic #gwilym lee fluff #gwilym lee fanfiction #gwilym lee x reader #ben hardy #rami malek #lucy boynton #apartment 12 #slutforbritdick

[despairforme]

"Damn, yer even taller in person." That was the FIRST thing Grimmjow blurted out at the other, upon walking up to him. He was fucking HUGE. Looks like today was FULL of firsts. First time in an actual filming studio. First time meeting his co-stars. And the first time Grimmjow had to come to work CLOTHED. "The name's Grimmjow." He held his hand out. "I ain't sure if you've heard 'bout me yet, but I'm gonna be playin Ángel." He smirked. "Don't worry. You'll be seein me around A LOT." [ACTOR AU.]

     His mood? SHITTY. Actually, ‘ shitty ‘ was the understatement of the year. Nnoitra more or less felt like his life was falling apart. He KNEW he was being ‘ dramatic ‘ and that he should take a professional approach to all of this but— FUCK it was hard! The biggest problem was that all his attempts to get himself OUT of this situation had failed. He had thought that, yeah it all sucked - BUT he would be able to get out of it. All he needed to do was talk to the writers and the producers, to get them to understand that the script they had given him was completely out of character for Jian. But, somehow - FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, nobody seemed to see it from his point of view! Nobody shared his opinion, and even though he felt like he had explained it to them in a way that was easy to understand, they still hadn’t been able to grasp what he was talking about. Was it THAT difficult to understand that Jian was straight? Apparently. So, all in all? Nnoitra was fucked. 

     He hadn’t given up easily. He had been in several heated arguments with lots of people. He had made a few completely empty threats about quitting. He had considered that it might be better for Jian to get killed off rather than have his character completely destroyed with this new love interest he was getting in this season. But, it seemed like such a waste, to have all his hard work just end with the character dying in some random scene. Jian deserved better. He deserved better than falling in love with a guy as well, but there was nothing Nnoitra could do about it. When this realization finally sunk in, he became sort of… Depressed. He felt powerless and used. It sucked. Defeated, that’s what he felt - and what he was.

     After the ‘ acceptance ‘ stage was over, Nnoitra had begun to actually LOOK at his script, to begin to prepare for the upcoming scenes. Since he always took longer than everyone else to learn his lines, AND he had gotten his script last, he was far behind the other actors. Because of the delay of his script ( it had needed some last-minute tweaking ), scenes not involving him were already being filmed. Nnoitra had spent a few days on set, to meet up with the new members of the cast, and of course to chat up his other colleagues. People he had known for years. After receiving his manuscript, Nnoitra hadn’t been seen for a few days while he tried to cope with everything. Now though, he was more or less done with sulking. He was… As ready as he would ever be to get on with all of this. He was on set today because he would be a part of a scene. Thankfully he only had a few lines. He had spent all morning practicing them. They were GOOD, and it really cheered him up to know that at least Jian still got to have some snarky comments. He needed that, seeing as he was literally going to be stripped of all dignity.

     It was almost time for him to head over to the hair-and-make-up section and get into his costume. It had been a while since he had had his hair styled like Jian’s, and he was kinda looking forward to it. Getting his hair touched by his stylist was always soothing. Considering how tense he was feeling, it was something he sorely needed. He figured he should head over so that his stylist could spend a little extra time on him.

     But, on his way over to the stylist section, someone stopped him. Nnoitra thought he had already greeted all the new actors, but this was a guy he hadn’t seen before. He was fairly tall ( though of course, no where near his own height ). That comment about him being tall was something he had heard about a million times, but it wasn’t often the first thing a person said to him when meeting. Nnoitra looked him up and down. He had that athletic build that Nnoitra could only dream of. His eyes were piercing blue, like he had a fucking SKY trapped in his head. Oh, and he was blonde. Nnoitra realized who he was before he introduced himself. Of fucking course. There was only ONE ‘ character ‘ he hadn’t met yet. Jian’s love interest. Nnoitra was so stunned by suddenly being face-to-face with the source of all the distress he had been in these past few days, that it took him a moment to take the other’s hand. On a professional level, he KNEW that it wasn’t this guy’s fault that the writers had decided Jian’s fate to be so messed up. So, Nnoitra took his hand. Grimmjow, huh? What a weird name. Nnoitra hadn’t heard of him before.

     ❝ I’m Nnoitra. ❞ Obviously. Grimmjow seemed like a pretty cocky guy, judging from that smirk. Clearly, he DIDN’T have a problem with the role he was going to play. Well, figures, since he must’ve auditioned for it. Nnoitra wondered why ANYONE would want such a role. Did this guy realize what he was getting himself into? Nnoitra wondered how many had been to the audition. Nnoitra squeezed the other’s hand in a FIRM hand-shake, as if to tell him who the FUCK was in charge here. While Grimmjow was smirking, Nnoitra was expressing his distaste for all of this. It was hard to not make this personal. He knew it wasn’t but… Yeah.

     He’d be seeing him around a LOT, huh? Yeah. He was FULLY AWARE of that! The two of them had plenty of scenes together. Nnoitra pulled his hand way, and crossed his arms over his chest. Another sign that he was neither comfortable OR happy.  ❝ So yer ‘da guy who’s gonna be playin’ HIM, huh? Why would ya wanna play that role? ❞ It might be rude, but he didn’t give a shit. He just wanted to know WHY he wanted that role. The fact that the show had chosen an unknown actor to play that role, when they COULD have afforded a well known one, did indicate that not that many people had audictioned for the role.

      Nnoitra looked at him, and tried to imagine what it would be like to play against him. How was he supposed to make it believable that Jian was in love with him? Like HELL Nnoitra wanted his acting to look shitty just because he was thrown this challenge. It was the script that was bad, that did NOT mean his acting was going to be! But, how was he supposed to… Do this? How was he supposed to look at him like he was into him? And what about those… PHYSICAL scenes? Nnoitra suppressed a shiver. Not like the guy was bad looking or anything. Nnoitra could already imagine him getting plenty of fan-girls with those looks. But that didn’t change the fact that he WAS A GUY.  

     Another question that needed to be answered was - would it be easier to play this role if he KNEW the guy? Or would that make it even more awkward? Because of his inability to learn lines by reading them, he often had one-on-ones in private with the other actors. By playing out the lines, he was able to learn them. He knew many thought he was a pain in the ass for being so BAD at learning shit. But, he DID get along with some of the other actors, so that their one-on-ones were fun. How was he supposed to do that with THIS GUY? Without it becoming the most awkward situation known to man? Nnoitra didn’t think he had ever met someone who had given him so many questions. Or stressed him out this much. Not that it showed, apart from how his arms squeezed his chest a bit, and his shoulders tensed. How was he going to deal with all of this? 

#grimmjxw #[ Y E A H !!!!!!! ] #[ ooof i love this au already ] #[ thank you for doing it with me lexie!! ] #[ honestly you're always so amazing for doing all these aus with me t-t ] #[ i couldn't ask for a better ship partner ] #[ i'm REALLY excited for this ] #[ and we haven't even done any plotting ] #[ i have ideas ] #[ I FEEL LIKE WE'RE DOING A LOT OF UNPLOTTED STUFF THESE DAYS ] #[ and like?? it's great? ] #[ also ] #[ i'm still not over the fact that grimmjow has platinum blonde hair in this au ] #[ i mean... i'm dead ] #[ i can't wait to draw ..... a poster ] #[ for this ] #[ ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THREAD ] #[ THEM HAVING TO DO A PHOTO SHOOT FOR A PROMOTION POSTER ] #[ nnoitra: - nopes out - ] #[ nnoitra stfu i bet you 100000000 dollars you're gonna fall in love ] #[ ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN AND DOING THIS AU WITH ME!! ] #ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶤʳ ;; ic. #ᶜᶤᶰᵉᵐᵃᵗᶤᶜ ;; au.25. #ᵗᵃˡᵏᶤᶰ' ˢʰᶤᵗ ;; answers.

[01010010-posts]

Okay so I just... After all these cute dad posts especially with Nines I MAY have gotten carried away with a small imagine which I would like to share. It's just an imagine, for fun and I picked a name arbitrarily. I'm not a writer, but here we go: RK900 has Ivy. She's his pride and joy and if anything happened to her this man might actually commit a felony. He's not the least bit embarrassed about being overprotective but he would never admit that it's because of what happened to Cole. 1/??

not to be dramatic or anything but this is the only thing keeping me together while im going under my yearly february/march mental breakdown & it’s so perfect im not even sure i could add something meaningfulfirst of all, ivy is the sweetest name ever, it doesn’t exist in italian and it’s a shame!!!he’s the most overprotective dork ever and that’s a FACT doesnt matter what AU we’re in. with a baby? DOUBLE the overprotective if that’s even possiblealso his partner is probably someone a bit bubblier so the cutie def took after them! AND THANKS i would like to add because the last thing you need is this insecure big giant with an as much insecure baby (the fact that it’s mostly because of cole is,,,, heartbreaking, everyone is probably afraid to drive in bad weather conditions after that)can we talk about him crying everytime he thinks about being a dad? because this man goes from having one (1) certainty in his life which is not being able to ever find someone to love and to be loved by in return; no family, no kids, no shared house, no pets, no christmas together, no laughs, no weird relationship’s routine, nothing. just work, work, social awkwardness and to be made fun of. from having a partner who absolutely adores him, praise his efforts, cuddles him, moves in with him and do whatever a normal person does but to RK900 this is all new and he’s loving every second of it. so to have a baby. gosh. that would nearly kill him. he wouldnt believe it until he sees it.ofc he gets a lil jealous COME ON he’s a dumby!the first laugh!!!!! the first giggle!!!!!! if he misses it because he’s a work he sulks two whole weeks or at least that’s what he would do but this cute babby keeps smiling nonstop even when he’s at home and HOW can he resist how!!!!also yes,,,, he has tons of e-books about babyes and how to care for them so he tries to help with tiny exercises! if some coworkers saw him playing with such minuscule creature they would turn pale that’s so off-character for him but they know nothing about his big heart :’(co-sleeping can sure be dangerous for health problems but let’s be honest we all know he’s the type to be so weak that when ivy is 4, he (almost 2mt/6ft, broad as an ikea four season closet) can and will fit into a tiny kid’s bed to read goodnight stories and fall asleep in the corner of the mattress because that’s his cute baby and she’s scared of monsters!!!!!OKAY gavin’s not allowed to call her princess but he does regardless and 60 is so fucking annoyed by this!!!! HE’S THE UNCLE!! THE BEST UNCLE EVER!!!! HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CALL HER THAT!!! also maybe her dad but,,,,connor lowkey enjoying this office blood feud since it’s the only amusing thing happening and secretly calling ivy the most precious petnames (literally nobody knows, he either whispers them to her or say them when no one’s around, tho he rarely gets time with her, less and less time alone with her)she fucking waves to everybody and it terrifies him because of kidnappings and because people approaches him thinking he’s a single dad and he has to TALK and maybe they flirt too and it’s the worst HELLO? he’s married he has a ring!!!!!tall, strapping, sweet, tired RK900 is *weird hand gesture emoji that express i want to fuck & protect this man vibe*idk if play dates are a us only thing or they exist here too but im just baby ignorant BUT fuck that would be extra nice and im??? RK900 finally finding some inner peace because protected environment? baby safe company?? giggling and playing?? that’s the shit man, that’s all he needs. also Damian being a bit older and acting as this cute brother for pea-sized ivy? *crying from joy emoji*her and fowler totally happened at one point and RK900 cried no police related jobs young miss!!!! yep he’s not the best at speaking & being empathic but he learns. he tries to understand a baby’s logic and gently and patiently explains everything. if she cries he’ll make sure to help her calm down. his perk is the inability to get angry and lose control in normal situations.the lasts two,,,, hurt so much,,,,connor feels out of picture, and yes, he doesn’t get along with his brothers but he naïvely never thought of them having a life of their own, and for RK900 to have a family is,,,, to be also reminded of cole every single damn time. that’s just cruel on his brother’s part. he attempts to keep his distances from ivy but. it’s impossible. because she (and RK900 alike) doesnt want to and because she’s too sweet and he can’t help project a little of cole onto her. it would visibly improve connor’s&RK900′s relationship and they could even get on an ‘okay level’ but who knows. it’s difficult.tho she secretly already did every of these things bc 60 got to spoil her before connor.

#DBH #dbh human AU #dbh reverse AU

[fairycosmos]

(2) I would be thinking about how shit I feel and keep comparing my situation to their situation and it's just that I'm not being sincere what so ever to them?? I don't want to keep doing this because it makes me feel like I'm just shittier than I originally thought I am but I have no idea how to stop it or change how I think

hey my love. i’m really sorry to hear that, it sounds like you’re going through a super difficult time :( and i’m honestly proud of you for dealing with it so far, and for getting to this point. changing how you think is a very long and difficult process, it’s supposed to take a lot of time and personal growth and energy, so don’t try to rush it. the fact that you want to change, that you want to open up and be more honest, is a really good sign!! and you should always hold onto that. when you feel like you’re completely alone and like you’re drowning, the fact remains that you have people who are there for you and that counts for a lot. it seems to me like you’re trying to curate a certain image of yourself when you’re around your friends. there’s a lack of trust - you see sadness/loneliness as weakness, and you don’t want to them to view you in that light. but always try to remember that not everyone perceives negative emotions the way you do. they know that you’re a multidimensional person, they know you experience a wide range of feelings and thoughts, even if you always seem happy and strong around them. they’re not going to be surprised or upset that you struggle with things sometimes, because literally everyone does and i promise it’s nothing to be ashamed of. i get it, if you don’t believe me, because it’s hard to take words seriously when you’re feeling so low. but i hope you’re able to take some of what i say to heart. i also think that maybe you’re like, projecting. you expect yourself to be okay all of the time, and you think anything less than that is unacceptable, so you may hold the subconscious belief that your friends think that way, too.

in reality, divorced of what the unhealthy part of your mind is telling you, being vulnerable around people you care about will only strengthen the bond you have with them. there’s just no other way around it. allowing them to witness your pain is a fucking antidote dude, it’ll make you feel better even if you’re also a little embarrassed or ashamed. allowing them to interact with every single version of you is not a bad thing. if your friends are decent and good, they’re not going to change their whole opinion of you based on the fact that you get sad sometimes. like you said, if one of your friends called and said they were upset, you wouldn’t even dream of judging them for it. it works the same way for you. however, i want to stress that being hesitant to open up to people doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t mean you’re being maliciously dishonest. comparing your situation to theirs is an automatic defense mechanism that the depressed brain utilizes to make you feel even worse about yourself. look, you’re just scared. admitting to what’s going on in your head isn’t easy or straight forward or simple, so i dont blame you at all for feeling the way you do. try to be a little easy on yourself. you’re doing your best. you’re learning and moving forward and doing what you can, and that’s a wonderful place to start. 

i feel like from here on out, your best option would be to have some sort of game plan in mind. out of all of your friends, think about who you trust the most, or who you want to trust the most. and then consider what you would say to them if you were to tell them about your episodes of loneliness and isolation. you don’t have to bring it up or ask for help while it’s actually happening, you can discuss it even when you’re feeling okay. in fact that’s probably the better choice, cause then the next time it happens you’ll both be prepared. take baby steps, that’s the best way to spur gradual change. you can text them or talk to them about it in person, whatevers most comfortable for you. you’re not going to want to do it, and you’ll feel anxious and awkward and weird, but that’s alright. because you’ll also be doing the right thing, and you should prioritize that more than you prioritize your temporary emotions, you know? it’s just a conversation, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. you don’t even have to go into extreme detail or anything. just tell them what you told me, that sometimes you have these periods of time where your mental health kind of declines. let them know that you trust them enough to be honest. give them the opportunity to be there for you. then maybe you and your friend can work some sort of routine to make it all feel a little less heavy. if you know that your friend is aware of your mental state, then maybe you’ll be able to invite them to your place when you’re sad instead of cutting yourself off from the world. you guys can watch a movie or order takeout and tell each other what’s bothering you. then you wont get stuck in your head, and the depression wont spiral as much. it could be a really good thing for both of you, you know? and it all starts with just sending a message or letting them know that you need some support. i know it’s easier said than done, and i know it seems impossible at the minute. but tasks like that always seem impossible until you do them. then it feels like the easiest thing in the world. i believe in you with all of my heart and i really hope you’re able to teach yourself how to depend on others a little. i’m sure you will. it’s just a matter of time and gathering the courage. let me know if you want to talk properly or if you need a friend, i’ll be here.

(as a sidenote, i’m 1000% sure you’re already aware of this but i also hope you know that speaking to a professional about whats happening is also a very credible and productive option if you haven’t done so already. friends are wonderful but nothing can replace the support/advice of an medically trained person, you know? if this is being caused by some v deeply rooted issues and personal beliefs, then maybe it’d be better to reach out to someone like that in addition to talking to a friend. there are so many forms of treatment and guidance available, and there’s seriously no shame in setting up an appointment or calling a hotline to see what they think you should do next. please dont let your mind write the idea off without seriously thinking about it. your mental health is just as important as your physical health.)

#anon

[charred-angelwings]

Hello! Same anxious anon from the other day. 🙋‍♀️

I'm the same way with the constantly saying "sorry" for like everything which also makes me anxious lol I also have social anxiety which makes me super awkward and afraid of talking to people. I often get overwhelmed (and sometimes take forever to respond). 😬

You make a very good point. I mean Jensen is one incredibly gorgeous individual with a hell of a personality and don't even get me started on Dean lol.

Omg I love your son's name and that's amazing that he's able to do all those things. Does he use sign language or a tablet to communicate? I bet he has lots of fun making videos. :) I did see your post and having an autistic child myself it broke my heart. Main reason I reached out to ya. Dealing with a serious health problem is difficult, but when it's your child and they don't understand nor can they express how they feel...that's a different level of hard. I'm so sorry to hear y'all have been stuck at the hospital and he's having to go through this. Good thing he's got his mama. Try to keep your head up. I hope he gets well soon! I know what you mean about escaping reality though. Biggest reason I obsess over SPN and Dean/Jensen is because I'm barely surviving and they help keep the dark thoughts at bay.

Aww I'm glad and appreciate the response. I always worry people will tell me to fuck off or something lol. Anyway I hope you're doing well. Take care! ❤❤❤

First of allllll dont EVER feel that way (I know, easier said than done) I am certain anybody who gets an ask feels incredibly special and grateful that you would take time out of your day and life to reach out. It means the world to me, personally🥰🥰

You are so kind and sweet and caring, and it means literally the world to me that you would even think much less ask about my son! Just for that you’ll always have a place in my heart ❤️

So as far as how things are going, day 7 I think and we are at a literal crossroads. On one hand, if my son eats and drinks today, keeps it down doesn’t throw up then we could possibly go home tomorrow. On the other hand, if he doesn’t then tomorrow the surgeon want to put a pick line in and feed him through that because he hasn’t eaten since last Friday. I’m trying to explain it to him, but ofcourse you know, it’s hard for him to understand that it’s up to him to at least try to eat. I think because he’s been puking all week he has just decided that eating and drinking makes him throw up so simply he refuses all of it. This child has the will of an OX. I’m trying to explain it and I hope he chooses to at least try to eat. We will see I guess.

And yes! He does all that, we started with a pecs board but then he taught him self the alphabet in sign language and we were all like 🤯🤯🤯 so we had to learn in but then he chose to just write it down. So we are like bilingual in a weird way, he mixes them all together and lately all he’s been writing is the word “Home”.

Girl yes. Thirsting and thinking about dean and Jensen at night is the only thing keeping my sanity here, otherwise I would have lost my mind a long time ago. That’s why I love it here, family doesn’t understand, husband hates it (doesn’t even really know I am back on my blog because he has this irrational hate for my love of Dean even though he’s the one who introduced me to Supernatural in the first place) but it’s the only thing that helps me push through. 🤷‍♀️

Love you and thank you so much for you ask😘🥰❤️💕❤️💝💙💖💗💘❣️

#anon ask #thanks anon! #i hope you know we’re friends now even if you stay on anon forever #I will fight someone for you #hospital stay

[awkwardshanandagins]

Costco+Lupron=One Very Stabby Shanda

You read that right, STABBY. As in I'm on the brink of stabbing someone or something.  Anyone else ever feel this way? Oh..no?  Are you telling me it's not normal to feel like stabbing someone?  Well, shit, I've been feeling stabby so hard since about 5:00 p.m. yesterday, just in time for my husband to get home.  Lucky him!  I got my sixth and final Lupron injection yesterday and this one stays in my system for three months as opposed to the one month injections I've been getting.  I don't know if you're supposed to feel much of a difference between the two but dear Lord this one has been a doozy!  I have had to try way harder than one should ever have to try to not elbow someone in the face today.  That should just be easy, right?  We don't elbow people in the face, it's not socially acceptable, therefore we do not have to consciously make an effort not to do so, we just don't do it.  Not me.  Not today.  I've had to make a very conscious decision not to elbow several stupid faces.  They're lucky I have some self-control.

At this point, you may be thinking I am a very violent person. As much as I talk about it (and yes, sometimes daydream about it), I would NEVER actually do anything to hurt anyone.  I'm a big ol' pussy and I "care" too much about my fellow man or whatever.  But, if there was ever something strong enough to make me actually throat chop someone, it would be this damn Lupron.  This shit is not for the weak!  I know better than to go out in public the first couple days after my injection but I ignored my better judgement, something I do too often.

I decided to run by Costco on my way home from work.  Going to Costco while practically roid-raging on Lupron is a terrible idea.  Going to Costco in general is usually a terrible idea.  I have such a strong love-hate relationship with Costco.  It is literally my favorite store while also being the place I hate most in this world.  It's not so much the store I despise, but the people inside of it.  There seems to be a common theme with me lately, I just really can't stand people.  Anyways, after spending almost a full week laid up on the couch I figured running some errands would be good for me.  I have to do things while I feel most human and today was one of those days, or so I thought.  Hormonally, I don't think it was my wisest decision.

Parking was the first red flag.  This dickhead woman stole my spot and I about had a total meltdown.  A screaming, crying, ramming my car into the back of hers kind of meltdown.  I think she knew how annoyed I was, one because I stared her down real hard and two because she did not get out of the car until I exited mine and walked inside.  Another spot opened up two spots away and at this point a normal person would have let it go but Lupron said "NO! YOU WILL HATE THIS WOMAN FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY.  SHOW HER YOUR HATRED!" I glared through her window as I got out of my car.  I went as slow as possible so I could see how long she'd stay in there.  Part of me was hoping she'd get out but the other part of me, the more rational part of me, was like "why? what would you do if she did get out?"  I'd give her a good ol' fashion scream cry in the face, that's what I'd do!  I always seem to think if I stare at someone long and hard enough, they'll feel my rage burning into the side of their face and they'll know they did something stupid.  Man, I sure showed her!  In reality, she probably had no idea any of this was even happening.

While walking in, I somehow got behind the slowest couple that has ever existed.  They were barely moving but did an excellent job of taking up the entire entry way so there was no way for me to go around.  They continued their slow, sprawled out moseying the whole way in, pointing and stopping at every single item; again making it nearly impossible to pass them.  My hormone fueled rage did not let me give up however.  I got way too close for comfort, did a few NFL approved spin moves and somehow slipped by.  What I don't understand is how at the end of my shopping trip in hell, I ended up behind them again!  They had to have walked in and straight to the check-out lane.  There is no way, with their speed, that they could have made it anywhere else in the store and still ended up in front of me in the short amount of time it took me to sprint around the place.  Damn them.  Damn them real hard.  Slow walkers are literally the worst.

Next, I ended up right in front of a real fun older gentleman.  He turned out to be a super douchebag, but by the end of our interaction I made sure to really give him the look of hate and shame so he knew how annoyed I was.  To start, he about ran me over with his cart.  I was eating a sample as most of us do during our shopping trips to Costco.  Let's be real, it's pretty much a given that at least 75% of us are there during lunch time to indulge on these samples instead of eating a normal lunch.  Anyways, I do what I do best and accidentally dropped it down the front of me.  It had ranch on it and it spilled all over me and splatted on the floor.  Trying to be a decent human being, I bent over to pick it up and this mother-effer was so close behind me that he had to abruptly pull his cart backwards or he would have knocked me straight onto my face.  I let him go around, loudly said "jeeeeeeeeez," picked up my stuff and walked slowly behind him so he could get way ahead.  I was trying to spare his life.  About three aisles down, all of a sudden I can feel a cart right behind me but before I could turn around, someone threw a giant heavy box of something into it making a huge crash which about made me wet myself.  I turned around and it was the same toolbag who nearly booty bumped me onto my damn face.  At this point, I was beyond annoyed, almost to a place of murder, so I decided to follow very closely behind him so he could feel my wrath glaring a hole into the back of his head.  He walked comically fast, which I take as a compliment because I obviously scared him enough for him to practically run away.

I decided to skip the rest of the samples and leave before I lashed out and hurt someone, or most likely myself.  It was obvious I was in no state of mind to be around other human beings so I made a straight shot for the aisle I needed which luckily was right by the check-out.

You know what people drive me the most crazy?  The ones who act like they take precedence over everyone else on this earth.  Luckily, one of them was right in the main aisle trying samples with her child while her cart sat in the middle of the busiest aisle there is.  It was obvious it was in the way as people were lined up to get around it and were taking turns to pass her.  The polite thing would be to move your cart but no, she just stood there shoving her stupid face with quinoa not giving one shit that she was making it difficult for literally every other person there to get around her.  If anyone were to get a punch to the throat today, it would have been her.  I wanted to slap her quinoa out of her hand and high-kick her cart.  Move your shit, lady!

Whoever is in charge of deciding what items go on which shelves is either incredibly smart or terribly evil, or both I guess.  All I wanted was the protein powder I use for my morning shakes.  It is usually always by the vitamins but you know where they moved it?  On the fucking candy aisle!  Good God, why?  I AM A WEAK PERSON, COSTCO!  They know.  They know we are all weak and if they put the healthy crap by the delicious and unhealthy crap, we will buy both.  What a bunch of assholes.  Smart assholes though.

By the time I got up to the checkout lane, my arms were so full of stuff I did not go there for in the first place, that I was walking with an awkward limp, attempting to use one of my legs as a weird third arm to try to keep it all from falling.  I was hot and super sweaty at this point, which I'm sure made me look incredibly sane, and the rage had hit an all-time high.  What's worse than a menopausal woman?  A HOT menopausal woman!  A nice man came to my rescue as he clearly saw they had a liability on their hands with me.  I left as quickly as possible and tried not to look at anyone for fear if they gave me the wrong face, I might throw my box of items right at their head.

This was not even one of my worst trips to Costco.  I usually take Paul with me which honestly just makes it all worse.  He is not good in crowds and has a quick temper at times.  We are quite the pair right now!  One of us usually tries to remain level headed to keep the other one from completely losing their mind and rampaging through the store.  He absolutely loathes Costco so I tend to be the one remaining level headed.  Hard to imagine, I know.  The sample areas are breeding grounds for assholes.  It never fails, every time either he or I walk up to grab one, some jerkoff steps in front of us and grabs the last one.  I will wait patiently but Paul will boil over and have to walk away while cursing quietly.  Actually it's not quiet at all.  He does it so loud it usually draws attention.  I try to quickly corral him out of there while telling him to talk quieter which usually leads to us bickering until one of us walks ahead of the other one and remains five steps in front for the rest of the excursion.  It's obvious there is a marital spat taking place at this point.  Any time you see a woman walking five steps in front of a man, you can guarantee a fight just took place.  I really should just leave him at home.  It never turns out well.  Paul can't help but have an angry scowl on his face the entire time.  My family now calls Paul's angry face his "Costco face."

My next stop was PetSmart.  I should have just gone home but why stop there?  Maybe for the safety of myself and others?  Probably, but I live life dangerously.  There was this bird, or possibly baby pterodactyl, inside PetSmart that screeched non-stop the entire time I was there.  Normally, I would be able to block that out but my Lupron brain would not allow me to and instead made it sound like it was inside my skull.  I asked the cashier if the bird did this all the time and he said yes while looking like he had been seriously considering murder.  I would lose my mind working there with that bird.  That damn thing would "mysteriously" disappear one day.  Whoa, calm down, I wouldn't kill it, I'd obviously just let it go.  Right as I walked out of the parking lot, a car alarm continued the screeching's of that fucking bird.  Again, it usually wouldn't bother me but since it was happening inside my skull, I seriously considered running inside and screaming similar sounds until someone shut the stupid thing off.  Instead, I got in my car and drove my ass home.  I will hide out here until the effects of Satan's saliva wears off and I am a more normal, functioning person.

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am that this will be my last shot!  This stuff is no joke.  It honestly has been both a blessing and a curse.  I truly do think it's made me feel better in many aspects but it has also made me into a complete lunatic.  Seriously, if my marriage can withstand this, it can withstand anything!

To those who are considering this medication, please do not let my stories turn you away from it.  The side effects I've had really have not been anything compared to the constant pain and bleeding us girls/women with endometriosis suffer from.  I've heard people have both amazing and terrible experiences with it.  I really urge you to think for yourself on this one and not take others' experiences into account since each one of us reacts so differently to this drug.  If you do decide to take it, good luck and God speed!  I joke.  Seriously though, I am here to listen to you throughout your own Lupron journey if you just need someone to vent to.  It helps having someone to talk to who completely gets it.  If you decide to give Lupron a try, just a word of advice...DON'T GO TO COSTCO!

#theinfertilehurdle #Infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #ivf #ivfjourney #ttc #ttc baby 1 #Lupron #menopause #endometriosis #endo #endowarrior #PCOS #Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome #pcosfighter #pcoswarrior #endofighter #Multiple Sclerosis #MS #woman problems #chronicillness #chronicpain #mentally unstable #costco

[fallynephemeron]

The best you've had, huh Xave? Any of the following.. I'm interested.. About You 8, 22 (me instead of a follower), 45 Relationships 8, Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30. Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106. Fetish 5, 11, 30. This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92. Thats all. No offense taken if you dont answer. Its fine. Was just thinkin of you the other day then saw this -M

Xave:  Shit.  didn’t realize you might read that.   uggggg.  You always did know how to make me blush.  It’s true though. I won’t take it back.  Riv says there’s millions of parallel universes… so maybe somewhere out there we ended up together.  I wouldn’t be surprised at all. If I’d found you first things could have ended up a lot different than they are now. I think we both know that.

Alright… mr. curious….. you asked…. so that’s what you’re getting

About You, 8 , 22, 45

 When was your last erection/arousal?

Xave:  Mine?  Uggg. Fuck, this morning. In the shower. No I didn’t do anything about it.  That just makes it worse.  It went away eventually. Daily life is finding ways to distract myself and constantly trying not to get turned on.  

   If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

Xave:  specifically you?  My nature and desire say yes…. my wedding vows say no. Sorry love.

 Whats your favorite lingerie outfit?

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/431993789231669578/    something like that.   And no, that doesn’t count as a picture of me. :P  So…. are you into that kind of thing?  or just curious. ;)  cause i don’t think i remember stuff like that ever coming up when we were together.

Relationships 8- What do you look for in a hookup? 

Xave:  in the past?  cause that doesn’t happen any more.  But… since you asked, i’ll tell you what I notice- nice smile, no scary vibes, not completely filthy, or obviously a druggie…. that’s about it.  lol.  I’m a slut with low standards, what can I say?

Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30.

Have you ever tried to recreate a scene?

Xave:  not really? I mean, you can’t help but pick things up here and there. But… There was this one guy I was with a few times that was OBSESSED with porn. He loved acting out the same scenes his favorite porn guys did.  Once or twice was fun, and a change of pace, but it didn’t take long for that to get really old. Like there was no connection there at all. It was kinda weird.

Have you ever used porn to show a partner what you like/want?

Xave:  oh yeah. it’s helpful for sure. Though no one’s ever made a porn vid, at least that I’ve found,  that can quite capture the elegance of making someone come completely undone over a long period of time…. but then… you never seemed to need instructions for that, did you. ;)

Have you considered getting into porn?

Xave: I’ve had experience in the industry. Mostly stills. I was young, underage, and no one cared and no one asked. I don’t have a problem with porn, and it might be fun if I hadn’t been burned in the past.  But I don’t think I could do it without some serious drugs or something to get me through the inevitable flashbacks.  So, no.

Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106.

Who was your best sex partner?

Xave:  say it again huh?  lol   Alright.  Mike Lamb is the Best fuck I’ve EVER had.  Happy?  

Do you like dirty talking?

Xave:  If it’s done right yeah for sure… sometimes it just awkward, and WAY too often it sounds cheesy and corny.  Then I get the giggles and ruin the moment.

Where is the strangest or wildest place you’ve had sex/oral?

Xave:  I’ll go with wildest… which I kinda answered for myself when I answered Wyn’s questions…. out in the middle of nowhere in the woods.    Strangest?  too personal to answer in public.  It’s a really bad memory. I might spill if we were having a private conversation.  I always trusted you with that stuff.

Whats your funniest sex experience?

Xave: Halloween, a long time ago. This guy I was screwing  thought it would be HILARIOUS to try to scare me… like during sex.   So we were going at it…. like full on,  he’s on top.  and he’d rigged stuff to fall on me.. like plastic spiders..and a rubber rat,  it was ridiculous. I just laughed. There’s scary shit out there, and plastic spiders and rubber rats don’t even register.   Anyway,  but then like, he’d rigged this scary mask to swoop out over me, after the spiders and stuff fell… but apparently, he’d forgotten about it.  And it didn’t come out when it was supposed to, it got stuck or something… so we like,  were JUST about there.  Like just about to hit climax.  He wasn’t very good anyway…. and this fucking mask, comes swinging over him out of nowhere, and lands right on my face.  He screamed, so high pitched, pulled out, freaking out in hysterics.   Then I got the giggles and he lost his erection. He was SO embarrassed. He wouldn’t answer my texts after that.   I still think it’s hilarious.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Describe the experience(s).

Xave:  ugggggggg.  yeah. With my husband. He was trying SO hard, and he was completely miserable. This was before he knew he was ace. I faked it… and we were done. I just couldn’t bear to see his face if he knew he’d failed again.  

Which non-genital parts of your body do you like being touched or stimulated? \

Xave:  mmmm, fuck.  nipples. shoulder blades, the backs of my thighs, like that place right under your ass?  

Do you like cum or is it gross?

Xave: mmmm, depends on the pheromones. Some guys just taste gross. That’s all there is to it.  But…. some pheromones … when they match with  yours,  it’s SO good and you just want more.

Do you like to have your ass eaten?

Xave:  not ashamed to admit it.  absolutely yes.

Has anyone ever cum inside you on accident? How did you feel about that?

Xave: If it’s really an accident…. that’s one thing.  I’ve had shitty guys do it on purpose when I hadn’t consented. That fucking pissed me off. A lot.  I didn’t screw around with them ever again, unless I didn’t have a choice,  which has happened in the past.

Do you like to play with balls/have your balls played with? 

Xave:  it’s not really my thing..especially my own, unless, again and always, if it’s done just right. But if I know that’s something my partner really enjoys, I’m into making that a priority for him.

Fetish 5, 11, 30. 

Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in?

Xave:  mmm, being tied up. No one’s really done that well for me.  Like, everyone that’s tried it has been a sadist, and I really hate sadists.  Not my thing at all.  But sensory deprivation and not being able to move, combined with edging,  that would be amazing.

Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions?

Xave:  Fuck you Mike. LOL  you just want to hear me say it.  YES.  you KNOW I do.

Are you an exhibitionist?

Xave:  lol, guilty as charged.  In every sense of the word.  Except when it comes to talking about difficult stuff, then it’s just gotta be secure and private.

This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92.

Rough Sex or Intimate Sex

Xave:  BOTH.  like really both. alternating, or at the same time,  in the same session. I love it.

Circumcised or Uncircumcised

Xave:  am i?  I’m cut.  But as for what I prefer?  doesn’t matter, either/or.

Ruined or Complete Orgasm

Xave:  with someone that can pull it off, and then keep going???  Ruined. 100%.  But who the hell knows how to pull that off with such perfection…. oh … I guess I know one guy. ;)

Dirty Talk or Loud Moaning

Xave: Both. Fuck.

Length or Girth

Xave:  Girth

Ball Licking or Rimming

Xave: rimming.

Doggy Style or Missionary

Xave: ugggg, they both have their place,  but if I had to choose just one for the rest of my life,  then, Missionary.

Slow or Fast

Xave:  Both.  but again… if I can only have one, forever, then slow.

Are you happy?  Now I’m horny.  do you KNOW how long 14 days is?

#xave #character development #character ask meme #Anonymous

[disneydreamlights]

Nicole (4, 6, 19, 20, 22, 24) Sky (2, 6, 10, 11, 16, 17) Annalee (3, 15, 22, 23, 24, 25) Marina, totally didn't only come to mind because i'm listening to marina and the diamonds. nnnnope. (3, 5, 8, 10, 12, 20) Landon (4, 5, 16, 10, 12, 24)

Nicole: 

4: their insecurities

Well for one let’s start with her ears, she’s super insecure about those and never really will be comfortable about them. Her overprotective tendencies can also be cause for her to believe she might be too overbearing to friends, especially since she can get extremely angry with them to a point that terrifies her a bit.

6: how they deal with grief

What’s dealing with grief well? Nicole literally shuts down. She blames herself, even if it seems like she’s shifted that blame to somebody else, and then she throws caution to the wind and becomes insanely violent for no reason other than to try to get herself hurt. Like she won’t break her moral code, but she’ll take incredibly stupid risks in hopes that she’ll get really hurt in some kind of revenge driven plot, which gets worse when there really is nobody to blame.

19: their reaction to betrayal

Distrust and anger, but beyond that I actually also think she’s one of my ocs that handles this stuff better. Of course she’s hurt and angry at the betrayer, or outright distrusting if they come back to the team, but unlike several of my other ocs she’ll also still try to manage the situation and try to focus on helping the people who were hurt by the betrayal more than she will on her own recovery, so outside of avoiding the person, she doesn’t actually go murder happy on the traitor so long as nobody was hurt.

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

Immediate reaction is to try to find who wrote it, but the longer she goes the less interested she becomes. Nicole’s interest in romance is honestly not very high, and in any universe she can count the amount of crushes she’s had on one hand. Unless the person meant a lot to her, she probably would turn them down anyways after learning who wrote it, so after her initial “Holy shit love letter!?” reaction she just eventually stops caring.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

Nicole is dead on less than two hours of sleep, she doesn’t know how to function on so little sleep unfortunately. 

24: what motivates them

Her love for her friends, and her willingness to do anything for them. Even before presenting a positive icon for Faunus, her first and foremost stuff comes from being there to support the people she cares about.

Sky:

2: their smile

Sky has one of those nice truly happy big smiles you see on people, like it reaches her eyes and when she’s smiling you just know she’s actually and I just imagine Sky has a really nice smile. 

6: how they deal with grief

Flat out denial. If she can’t deny she at first feels kinda numb until the loss actually sets in and then she literally falls apart into a broken sobbing mess who can’t even really function on her own, so when she loses somebody she loves and there’s even a small chance they survived, she refuses to acknowledge it as even a possibility. It’d take seeing the body for herself to truly break down and lose it.

10: their fashion sense

Casual and comfortable. She doesn’t go out of her way for anything special, she just dresses in what’s easiest for her to fight in most days, and on the rare days where she has no missions and there are no Heartless popping up, she won’t wear anything more dressy than jeans and a t-shirt. It’d honestly take Sera’s wedding or something to make her do more than that.

11: their family life

Sky doesn’t visit home a lot due to the frequency of her missions and how long she spends training. That being said, Sera tends to come in to visit a lot, so she sees her sister a lot anyways. Despite never being home, her relationship with her family is pretty good. They love her, she loves them, and tries to keep in touch whenever possible.

16: their dreams

Sky dreams to be the greatest Keyblade Master and to protect the worlds at all costs. She knows it’s a difficult goal, but she wants to do the best she can for friends and family.

17: their ambitions

Her greatest ambition was to get through her training. After all the shit that happened to Landon she kinda struggled with believing that she’d be able to for a while, but her goals pulled through. Besides that, she just wants to keep the people she loves safe. Watching Sera go blind in one eye and struggle through the consequences was something she never wanted to do again.

Annalee

3: their greatest achievement

This is such a weird thing to say, but to Annalee her opinion of her greatest achievement was just making a friend. She’s painfully awkward and to find somebody who could tolerate her awkwardness and not even mind was one of the things that made her happiest.

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

She literally immediately puts her hand to the top of her head in hopes of getting it to stop hurting and her face scrunches up. Depending on how hungry she is, she might drop the ice cream almost immediately.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

Not a lot different from how she normally acts tbh, Annalee has her own way of replenishing her own energy that allows her to function when she’s got no sleep...and I hate that she has this.

23: how they act when they're sick

Oh my god she’s probably working so hard on not letting onto the fact that she’s sick even though she’s dying inside so Andrew and Emmett basically have to tie her to the bed so she’ll rest and get better from whatever she has. Like she could be running a 105 degree fever and the flu and she’d still be trying to beat up some Heartless.

24: what motivates them

She’s motivated by wanting to do her dad proud. She wants to prove that birth isn’t everything and that just because she’s not entirely human doesn’t mean she can’t fight for the light and do what she’s supposed to do.

25: why you enjoy them

Annalee was honestly part experiment, part theory, part Vaniqua trash, and the fact that she still managed to to be a surprisingly good oc in spite of that makes me love her, not to mention rping her interacting with Emmett is always a good time. XD

Marina:

3: their greatest achievement

You’d think it’d be being a Keyblade Master, but the truth is Marina has this one painting she did back when she was first learning to channel her anger into her art, and it’s a picture of her, Sky, and Landon and she’s so proud of the fact that she managed to keep them all still enough to draw a picture of the three of them without them being pains and moving a ton.

5: their shortcomings

We joke about Nicole having a hair trigger temper but honestly that’s Marina’s biggest short coming, she will literally fly off the handle for literally no good reason, like somebody could just breathe on her and she might blow up in their face.

8: what they like to eat

Lots of junk food, specifically salty stuff, while most of my ocs have sweet tooths, Marina would much rather have a bag of chips and munch on them for a few hours rather than a tub of ice cream.

10: their fashion sense

Marina is about as casual as Sky in terms of “You’ll never find her getting dressed up ever” but when hanging out with friends, she tends to dress down moreso than Sky does, and it’s common for her to head out in sweats or leggings or whatever comfortable things she can find floating around.

12: their romantic life

Absolutely awful. As in she’s only ever had one sided crushes and any crush that might’ve been returned has fallen for somebody else first. I think the one she’s most embarrassed about falling for somebody else is Sky, and that’s because Sky fell in love with Yuuya of all people in at least one verse, and well...as much as I love Yuuya I don’t think I need to elaborate. XD

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

“Somebody actually likes me for once, what the fuck?” Marina is actually confused by this letter coming in because she’s never been a recipient, then she looks for the letter’s sender and hopes for the best.

Landon:

4: their insecurities

You know how he accidentally murdered his Keyblade Master when he lost control of his darkness one time??? Anything to do with that instance is an incredibly, incredibly sore spot after everything that happened.

5: their shortcomings

A lot of them come from fear. Fear of himself, fear of causing people’s death, fear in general. It causes him to hesitate in a lot of decisions, and of course when that hesitation causes things to get worse he blames himself. So basically self doubt and being indecisive are pretty good shortcomings.

10: their fashion sense

He’s the only one of my keybearers who actually bothers to try to be less casual than jeans and t-shirts when not training, and by that I mean he’s that asshole who’s always in a jacket and you can’t figure out how they’re not dying. When training or on a mission he’s always in more combat oriented gear so he can fight well.

12: their romantic life

Also unsuccessful, but it doesn’t help that at best he pushed away any and all childhood crushes and most friends for a good three or four years, and at worst he actually dies so I mean...

16: their dreams

He’d like to rid himself of his darkness and find some way to move on from it, and of course bring his Keyblade Master back from the dead, that’d be a really nice goal for him if he could have it. It’s not exactly likely, but that’s besides the point.

24: what motivates them

Landon is motivated by a desire to keep others safe from darkness and prevent what happened to him from happening ever again. He’s really good at trying to help out other Keybearers with darkness issues to the point that when they start to seem powerful he does whatever he can to help So I guess in a twisted way he’s motivated by his own darkness to not be what it wants, even if for a while it doesn’t work out.

#Heather RPs #neko-adachi #Heather Answers