#EDIT: DID I MENTION THIS GUY IS FLEET? COS HES IN THE FLEET. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quirklessidiot · 4 years

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Title: coward :: brat Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion

Synopsis: you finally see Miya Atsumu after six years, meanwhile, he feels pain when he realizes that you settled down with someone else that wasn’t him. notes: i um want to thank yall for supporting this story im- crying T-T I’m happy to inform everyone that i’ll be updating this twice a week every monday and saturday! yay!!! i was able to finish editing and im writing the last two chapters now. stay safe and big love to each and everyone of you <3

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“...Uh, Youta-Kun, Yuuto-kun, I thought you guys weren’t allowed to go.” Sugawara laughed nervously, knowing all too well where this would lead. He’s familiar with over-enthusiastic boys, in fact, one of those over-enthusiastic balls of sunshine was here right now entertaining them.

“K-Kaasan says it’s alright.” Yuuto lies but Sugawara quirked his brow, it was so obvious that he was lying.

“Yep, she did!” Youta grins, trying to help his twin but like him, he’s failing drastically.

“Then you won’t mind if I call your okaasa-”

“No!” Youta and Yuuto yell in unison. This made other people turn their way, Miya Atsumu watched the pair in amusement from afar. He noticed that they were late and that Sugawara had caught on to their scheme of joining in even without the parental consent, “We won’t join!” Youta proclaims, “Right, yu? W-We’ll pick up balls!”

Hinata feels his eyes glimmer at those words and decides to help them convince Sugawara but in the end, the twins were forced to be benched while the grey-haired teacher had to go back to the faculty to call you.

“It’s alright,” Hinata ruffles both their hairs, “We’ll try to come back next time and I’ll be sure to help convince your ‘kaasan.”

“Hey don’t plant false ideas in their head, Shoyou.” Atsumu grins, lazily jogging to their side. He directs his gaze to the twins that seem to oddly remind him of him and ‘samu when they were younger. The boy's gaze lingered a bit too long on him,unlike other kids who stared at him in awe, these ones were seething, “What are ya lookin’ at, kid?”

“Wow,you’re as mean as your brother.” Yuuto notes, eyeing him up and down.

“Yeah.” Youta echoes.

Atsumu quirks a brow, this was quite the new reaction. Never in his life had a kid told him that he was mean as ‘Samu also how did they even know his twin brother?

“Now, now, don’t you think you should cut me some slack?” Atsumu tried to jokebut the twins remained unamused by the blonde’s antics, somehow Atsumu felt a sense of familiarity from their monotonous reactions.

“No thanks.” Yuuto crossed his arms, “The fake Atsumu made ‘kaasan cry and since you look like him, you might make ‘kaasan cry too.”

“What he said!” Youta agreed loudly, copying his older brother’s action.

Atsumu was just plain confused now, he admitted that Osamu had an attitude sometimes when he was annoyed but letting a mom cry in front of her kids? That’s definitely new and not-so ‘samu like (after all, he was apparently the nicer one between them)

“What’s the name of your okaasan-”

“Youta-Kun, Yuuto-kun, Your mom will be picking you up at the gate! Please go there now.” Sugawara cuts him off, Youta and Yuuto stand up and eye him for a bit.

“We’ll defeat you and your brother! Just wait and see, we’ll be as big as you and that other jiji!” Yuuto exclaims and before Atsumu could retaliate, they’re running off to the opposite direction. Hinata was laughing beside him, clutching his sides because apparently he was too petty while Sugawara looked at him with an apologetic expression.

“I wonder why L/N-san didn’t allow them to go, she’s usually very supportive of their hobbies, especially volleyball.” Sugawara frowns, suddenly voicing out his thoughts. Atsumu felt his shoulders stiffen at the sound of that familiar name.

Osamu revealed he saw you last week then these kids suddenly confessed that his twin made their okaasan cry, he’s never seen you cry throughout your relationship (save for that night when you first me but you guys weren't together yet so that didn’t count). Maybe he was mistaken? it might be your relative or a common name.

After all, you were clear about not wanting a family.

“You know their mom well?” Hinata inquired, Atsumu seems to be listening closely now, wanting to confirm if the person that Sugawara was talking about is you.

“Oh yeah, we're around the same age so I’m much closer to her than the other moms.” Sugawara blinks, “Those boys have to listen to their okaasan more. She’s raising them on her own since their dad died before he even got to know that L/N-san was pregnant. She seemed to be longing for him whenever he’s mentioned.”

A crease appeared on the blonde's forehead as he was suddenly in deep thought. It couldn’t be, right?

“Uh, Sugawara-san, may I know the name of the mom? Her last name sounds kind of familiar.” he questions, pretending to be nonchalant but inside, he feels like he had his heart on his throat.

If it was you, he’d feel those things that he desperately tried to hide behind his confident jokes and laughs.

The pain.

The pain that you chose someone else and was open enough to the idea of starting a family. If that guy probably hadn’t died, you’d be together, happily raising those boys he had just met a while ago. Happily married, something that Atsumu tried to mention one fleeting moment while you were together back in college but you immediately shut the idea down and left him a month later.

The pain that you fell in love in a span of moments unlike Atsumu who relentlessly tried to gain your favour and follow you around like a lost puppy.

“Oh, her name’s Y/N L/N.”

Thankfully nothing unexpected happened after what the twins did, they ended up having to pick if they wanted their video game rights removed for a week or cancel their plans with their favorite ojisan who was coming by a few weeks from now, they chose the first one on that.

They had even mentioned that they met the real Miya Atsumu and although you felt like your heart lurched out of your chest and your shoulders stiffen at the mention of that man --- their father--- they simply had called him a rude jiji like his brother much to your relief.

“L/N-san, we seem to have a problem.” Aiko frowned, handing the papers to you, “The director of the advertisement department wants a bigger budget, do you mind running it through him again? You have to go to the studio though, I heard they’re doing some photo shoot now.”

You nodded in reply, taking the papers from your co-worker. The studio was a bit far so you ended up having to commute to get there, “What a nuisance.” You muttered, you needed to buy a second-hand car soon when you had enough money. It would definitely be easier for both you and the boys, “Uh excuse me? Is Nakamura-san here?” you asked the secretary on the front desk.

“And who are you?” the secretary snapped back, still typing away on her computer.

“Y/N L/N from the finance department, I have to run through the new budget liquidation with him.”

The secretary one-eyes you and the ID on your neck for a split second, “You better be quick, the boss wants only five minutes per guest since he’s personally handling the shoot today.” was all she replied, handing you the pass. You muttered a quick thank you and made your way up to the studio, whoever the model was today, they must’ve been big for Nakamura to handle them personally.

“Oh-ho, is that who I think it is?” a very, very familiar voice calls out.

“Inunaki-san.” You greeted, trying to maintain yourself, were these the big clients that Nakamura was handling? The black jackals? good fucking gracious, god must hate you.

“Wow,” he shakes his head, feigning amusement, “You’re still so calm and cool.”

You narrowed your eyes at the insult but you waved it off, “And you’re playing for a national team, congratulations.” you replied in a blank tone, your senior probably knew what happened between you and his fellow member. You wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he reacted the same way as Osamu did.

“We’re actually doing a shoot now, would you like me to call Atsu-”

“No.” your usual calm tone switched to a colder one, “I’m working now and so is Miya-san, please don’t bother yourself.”

“Gee,” he raised his hands, signalling defeat, “Just say you don’t want to see him. You don’t need to be so cold to me, my dear little kohai.”

“I have to go back to my job, I’m on the clock here.” You ignored his previous statement, “It was nice seeing you again Inunaki-san.”

Before you could give him a chance to reply, you headed towards the studio. You took a deep breath and mentally calculated to three.

one.

It’s been six years, Miya Atsumu would ignore you. He wouldn’t care about the girl who left him out to dry in college. He’s got a girlfriend now, a model who has legs for days and looks ten times better than you and acts more like a girlfriend than you ever did.

two.

Yes, that’s right, he wouldn’t care.

three.

You entered the studio, you could feel the air tighten around you as soon as you heard that laughter. The one you used to hear everyday and never get tired of. For all the laughs you couldn’t do, he’d do it for you and boy, was he patient around you since you didn’t smile a lot back then (who were you kidding? until now you still had the same problem except when the kids were around)

You want to stop and stare, you want to admire him and his glory that you were very much proud of.

Yet your legs continue to carry you to your boss, the laughter seems to have ceased and you could hear someone asking him what was wrong.

“Oh, L/N-san?” Nakamura greeted you, “You’re here for the renewal of the budget?”

You nodded feverishly, your legs seem to be turning into jelly because you want to collapse from the nervousness and thank god that you wore some make-up before arriving here, otherwise, they would’ve noticed how pale you looked, “Everything seems to be in order,” He nods, scanning the sheets and handing them back to you, “Are you busy right now?”

You glanced at the wall clock, checking the time to see if you could extend your stay and Nakamura is quick to pick up on it, “Ah right, you’ve got kids to pick up. It’ll be quick, just help set up the blocks there and you’re free to leave.” he orders.

You nodded obediently and slowly turned to the side only to catch the very familiar chocolate brown eyes of the blonde. You feel your heart hammering in your chest and your feet turn cold, it had been six years since you last saw Miya Atsumu and he was still as winsome and exhilarating as he was back then.

You may have seen him a lot on television but seeing him, right here, a few feet away from you was different. Taking in a big gulp of air, you started working on the set-up as quickly as you could yet you could still feel his burning gaze remaining on you, “Tsum-tsum, lay off her will you.” came Inunaki Shion’s loud voice snaps him out of his daze.

Great, that little twat had to make an appearance.

“Y/N-san you should really say hi,” Inunaki teased as soon as you finish your set-up.

“Oh? You’re Y/N L/N?” the orange one gushed, quickly up on his feet, you recall him as Hinata Shoyou, Youta’s favorite orange-haired ninja, “Sugawara-san’s friend?”

You hesitantly nodded, “Oh, you know her Sho-kun?” Shion asked, seemingly amused by it all.

“What are you all crowding here for, Hinata?” Another asked, peering in them closely. This one must’ve been Bokuto, another favorite of Yuuto.

“Sugawara-san’s friend! she’s the mother of those two boys in the training camp who had to go home early!” he suddenly turns to you and then grins, “Ne, ne, the boys really seem to want to attend one of those. Why don’t you allow them to join us-”

“Forget it, Hinata.” Atsumu suddenly speaks out, that warm voice that you were accustomed to seemed cold and menacing now, “She won’t allow it.”

Shion notices the tension between you two and when he’s about to usher the energetic duo away back to the dressing room along with the other members, you let out a quiet sigh and spoke out, “I was on my way to leave, please don’t bother yourselves.” You simply replied, you didn’t waver and stared at him dead in the eye, this could be the moment to end it all and cut ties with him officially, “I apologize for what I did back then, Miya-san. I should’ve told it to you in person. I offer my sincere congratulations to you for making it this far.”

The blonde clenched his jaw, it seemed like he wanted to say something to you yet when he realizes the usual calm and collected demeanor you're putting up, he decides against it and leaves you alone by storming away first.

Hinata and the guy named Bokuto looked at you --- completely puzzled and lost like a deer in the headlights --- before following the blonde, “You truly are in a whole ‘nuther level, Y/N.” Shion whistles, “Heard you’ve got two boys now though. Congrats, where's the poor bastard?”

You continue to watch the back of Atsumu Miya. Finally, it seemed like he’d left you alone and probably for good this time, “Gone, off to a better place.” was all you replied.

Inunaki notices the longing in your voice, a completely unfamiliar emotion he had never seen back then even when you and Atsumu were together. It seemed like you and Atsumu were both the poor bastards in the end.

Miya Atsumu sleeps alone that night.

He doesn’t call his girlfriend back despite the several missed calls, he doesn’t reply to the unanswered text of his brother and his teammates. All he feels is pain tonight, pain because of your very dry apology, pain because of your bland expression. Pain because you didn’t seem to care like that time six years ago.

He shuts his eyes tight and he feels as if he’s back in college, back to that winter night where he received that dreaded phone call from you after you disappeared from him. He remembered those days clearly, your apartment had been cleaned out and paid for, you weren’t answering him on social media, your phone line was also unresponsive and he couldn’t even call your family since you never mentioned anything about them at all.

You both may have been intimate for the past two years but when you disappeared, he had the frightening realization that he didn’t know you at all.

He didn’t want to push you out of your comfort zone, he wanted you to lead the relationship but right at that moment, he wished he pried just a bit since he was worried about you.

Then in the midst of his anxiety, it came, that phone call.

“Atsumu.” your usual calm voice filled his ears and he suddenly feels the weight of the world is removed from his shoulders, thank god you were okay.

“Y/N? Baby? Where are you?”

“Out.”

“Where outside exactly?” Miya Atsumu dryly asks, “It’s cold, you shouldn’t be out now and wandering about. Would you like me to pick you up-”

“I can’t do this anymore.” you suddenly cut him off and the line goes quiet. The blonde feels the world around him quiet down too when he hears those words that he wished he heard wrong.

“What’s, what’s wrong? Y/N, are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” You mutter, “I’m just tired.”

“Tired of what exactly?”

“Of you, of us…”

“Y/N, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes.” Your voice remained dead calm as if you just hadn’t broken his heart in a million pieces that moment, “Let’s stop this here now, Atsumu. Let’s break-up.”

“That’s…” He tries to keep the mood light, praying that this is one of your dark jokes, “That’s not funny, Y/N.”

“It’s not supposed to be since it’s not a joke.”

Your response was curt as usual and he doesn’t know whats worse, the fact that you’re breaking up over the phone or the fact that your tone remains stable and the same.

“Y/N, don’t do this...Baby don’t do this over the phone.” His tone seemed desperate at this point, “I’m not stopping this until you tell me what's wrong between us, you have to give me something to work with Y/N. Is it something I did?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean ya don’t know?” Atsumu started to raise his tone when he notices how unaffected you seem at the other line.Frustration slowly started to bubble in him, the accent turning thicker as he got angrier, “Y/N ya can’t just disappear out of the blue and call me one day and tell me you want to break up! Do you think I’m some sort of fling? Some one-night stand or fuck buddies? We’ve been together for two years, Y/N. Two whole fucking years, What’s wrong? Do you not love me anymore?”

“Yes.”

The line went dead silent again and he hates it, he doesn’t know what to say as his face contorts in sadness and confusion.

“I don’t…” He starts to feel a lump grow on his throat when he hears how easy it was for you to say, he knew he was in love with you more than you were with him. Many had pointed out how dangerous and how painful it would be on his side in the end, he couldn’t believe it would hurt him this much, “ I don’t fucking believe you, say it right at my face. Where the hell are ya? Let’s talk this one out in person.”

“Don’t bother, I just don’t want to see you again.”

“Y/N you can’t just-”

“I can and I will.” You cut him off, your voice was growing more and more detached and he feels like he’s back to that moment two years ago where you didn’t spare him a glance and treated him like a scrub, he hears a hefty sigh on your side and the next few words is another bullet to his heart, “I’m sorry it had to end this way, Atsumu.”

“You…” he shakily replied, trying to mask his grief with a painful chuckle. He wants to be mad at you, he wants to yell at you but for some odd reason, he couldn’t bring himself to, “Jesus christ, you really are something, Y/N. You just broke my heart over the the fucking phone and all you could do is say sorry?”

“Sorry.” you say, like a broken-record on repeat and he hates it. He hates how he feels like this was nothing for you.

“Don’t you dare say that again when you don’t mean it-” He spat and before he could finish what he had to say, the phone line went dead. He tried to call again but it seemed like you had used a payphone. Out of complete vexation, he hurls his phone right across the room towards the blue photo frame with the both of you in it.

The sound of broken glass shards and ragged breathing is the only thing heard in the quiet apartment.

It’s not even the peak of winter that night yet he feels so numb and cold.

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@fortheloveofiwaizumi ; @svtbitch ; @ryaaaax ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @Etherynaw ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ;

#haikyu!! fanfics #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagine #atsumu imagines #atsumu x reader #miya atsumu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #coward series

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marvelobsessedteenager · 4 years

Text

Playing Cupid

Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader

Warnings: Fluff?? Hopefully lmfao, a sprinkle of angst, My Best Friend’s Wedding Spoilers? (edit: cuRSING LMFAO COMPLETELY FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE)

Summary: You’ve been playing Cupid your entire life, setting people up left and right, and have never put much thought into who would be your eternal soulmate. That is until you met Tom Holland. But you don’t know if he feels the same way you do, and you only find out when someone else decides to be your matchmaker.

A/N: Heyo! First fanfiction piece and mAN am I nervous, haha. Enjoy? Also, the scene that I’m talking about below is linked for those of you that haven’t seen the movie :)

-------

“I don’t know what to say, y/n/n. I’m going to look like a div and-“

Not wanting to hear Harrison’s complaining, you quickly pinch his lips in between your fingers and shush him, “First of all, you already look like a div and that’s pretty much never going to change.”

Haz rolls his eyes and grunts as you continue, “Second of all, it’s just a conversation, Haz. Amelia’s pretty chill and is probably the easiest person to talk to. You’ll easily fall into conversation with her. You guys like the same things, why do you think I chose her out of all the girls?”

Ah, yes. That was your job after all. Well, not a job job, though you wish you’d get paid for setting people up with each other. You’d be a billionaire before you reach the age of 25.

But it was your job as a friend to be like a bachelorette for others and help them reach the love they crave. It was quite simple, really. Harrison claimed it had been a gift you were born with - a power sent by the gods above. It seemed like everyone you’d pair up ended up thriving as a couple.

Perhaps it really was a gift, and you were destined to you use it for good.

Right now, you, Haz, Tom, and Harry were inside a cafe giving Harrison the pep talk before his blind date. Amelia was practically your best friend - besides the three dumbasses you were currently with - and was constantly grumbling about not being able to find a guy she genuinely likes. When asked about her interests, you noticed they were strikingly similar to Harrison’s, who was, coincidentally, also single. Ergo, you set them up, knowing they’d be the perfect couple.

“Now,” you run your hand through his untamed hair that he’d spent hours stress-tugging, “Go out there and talk to her. You’ll do great, Hazzy.”

He stares at you intently, blue eyes boring directly into yours, clouded with immense fear. You could tell he was on the verge of backing out, so you take this as your chance to lighten up the situation.

You sigh as you fix his collar while maintaining eye contact, “I’d totally be in love with your dazzling ocean eyes but you’re not my type so stop staring at me, and go stare at her.” You tease and look up at him through your eyelashes, tilting your head towards where Amelia was sitting, waiting for Harrison to ‘arrive’.

He chuckles, “Right. How could I forget?” He gives you a sly smirk, and leans down to whisper in your ear, “Your type is everything Tom is.”

He pulls back fast enough to catch your fleeting eyes and the slight blush that crept up on your cheeks at the mention of your crush.

Well, less of a crush and you’d admit, you’re maybe, slightly, completely and utterly in love with Tom.

Harrison, the one who’d introduced you guys - stating ‘fate has brought you two together’ - effortlessly guessed that you were head over heels for Tom. He even began calling you ‘Cherry’ whenever he saw you go red at the mention of his best friend.

Your friendship began when you went to your local pub for a light drink with one of your closest co-workers. She’d spotted a cute guy whose eyes never left hers, even from across the room. A pub quiz was starting in a few minutes, and you’d told her that that was her chance to go and see if the chemistry was as real as it looked.

Of course, being the good friend she was, she immediately tossed that idea out the window.

“I can’t leave you here alone,” she’d said. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for you to convince her to go. With the quiz starting in a couple seconds, you searched around for a lonesome guy and spotted Harrison.

You downed the rest of your scotch and strutted over to confidently sit beside him.

Before he even got the chance to speak, you opened your mouth and blurted out everything in a word vomit: “Hey, I’m y/n and my friend’s watching because I told her that I’d talk to you and start up a “romance” since that was the only way I could really push her to leave me to talk to the guy that she’s had her eyes on so please just shake my hand and we’ll sit here and talk or do the quiz or whatever the fuck you want, just go along with it?”

You ended it with a lopsided smile, your hanging hand awaiting his own.

Luckily, he’d laughed it off and clasped your open palm. You and him got on like a house on fire, and instantly became close. Later on, he introduced you to Tom.

You never believed in love at first sight, but, fuck, Tom sure was a sight.

“Oi, hurry up, it’s hot as shit in these disguises,” Harry whines as he tugs the collar of his hoodie, interrupting your train of thought.

You shake your head, “Anyway,” you clear your throat, “Remember, it’s just a girl.”

He closes his eyes, chest rising as he takes a deep breath and nods, “It’s just a girl.”

“Attaboy,” you turn him around and push his shoulders, “Go get her, tiger.”

You take a seat with the boys at a booth that was directly in the sight of your friends with Amelia’s back pointed in your direction. You watch with pride as Haz rolls his shoulders and walks over to Amelia, politely touching her arm. He sits in front of her and starts up a conversation, and has her shyly tucking her hair behind her ear and giggling.

“So,“ Tom says lowly, making you jump slightly at the sudden close proximity, “we just sit inside in these ridiculous disguises and watch them?”

You gasp, offended by his words, and playfully slap him across his chest, “These are not ridiculous. they’re fool-proof.”

“Right. ‘Cause no one wonder why we’re wearing hats and sunglasses inside. And it’s totally normal for the three of us to be hiding behind our menus.” He mocks, sending you a quick wink that would’ve made you weak to your knees had you been standing.

“Shut up Thomas, let me concentrate.” You giggle, pushing his face away, despite the gnawing feeling of wanting him even closer.

For an entirety of 3 excruciatingly long hours, you intently watch the couple, paying extra attention when they finally - finally - stand up to say goodbye.

You gasp as Harrison charmingly holds her hand and plants a kiss on it. You grab both Harry and Tom’s cheeks, shoving them into yours as you squealin delight, “It’s working!”

You feel Tom smile into your cheek, “You love playing Cupid, don’t you, y/n/n?”

“Oh, you bet. It’s kinda sad I don’t get to shoot people asses with an arrow to get them to fall in love but the reaction is enough to satisfy, I guess.”

Harry and Tom let out a loud laugh as you watch Haz walk Amelia out and return to the group with a dreamy smile.

“I take it it went well, didn’t it lover boy?” Harry cocks an eyebrow, as Haz jokingly punches his arm.

“She’s so..perfect. Honestly, it’s- I’m literally speechless. I asked her if she’d like to go on a second date and she said she’d love to.”

You grin widely at the revelation and was about to say how proud you are when you receive a text from Amelia, and immediately check to see if she was right. To your horror, she was.

You facepalm and slide your hand down your face as you bring your eyes to meet Haz’s, looking at him in disappointment.

What a fucking idiot.

His face drops, and he tenses, instantly panicking, “What? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something? Did she say something?”

“Haz, honey.” You smile sympathetically, “Maybe next time, check to see if your fly is down before the date.”

———

When the four of you return home, you cross out Haz’s name from the list on the whiteboard, and happily clasp your hands together as you turn to face the trio.

“All right, Haz’s mission has been a success.”

Harry snorts, “Yeah, even if she saw the Spongebob Squarepants underwear. Tell me, which character did she see? Sandy or Mr. Krabs?”

Harrison lets out an exasperated sigh while Tom and Harry high-five each other, “I told you guys, I was in a hurry this morning and this was the only one left.”

You let out an amused giggle but stop when Harrison glares at you and clear your throat. “Children,” you lightheartedly scold with an accusing finger, “settle down, it’s not that funny.”

“Yes, it is!” Tom manages to say through his wheezing, and your heart squeezes at how adorable he looks when he throws his head back in laughter.

“Anyway!” You yell, rolling your eyes, successfully grabbing the boys’ attention, “I believe it’s Harry’s turn” you turn to smile mischievously at Harry, who was now cowering in fear.

He fidgets in his seat and profusely shakes his head, “Oh, no, no. I’m good, honestly.”

“Harry, I’ve seen you cry while watching Bride Wars and cuddling a life-sized teddy.”

“So? It’s sad.” He mumbles.

“It’s a comedy, for god’s sake.” You frantically dismiss the subject, "Look, I’ve already found the perfect girl. Her name’s Sarah, she goes to the University of Arts, London, and has the same interests as you. Plus, she’s super smart, which should come in handy, especially for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He raises his eyebrow.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” You chuckle, waving your hands around.

He shoots daggers at you before his face shifts, and you can practically see the light bulb go off in his head, ��You know, you keep talking about us guys getting girls, but what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Cupid fell madly in love with Psyche. If you’re Cupid, there must be someone you fancy. Isn’t there, Cherry?” Harrison grills you, and you figure this is his way of getting back at you for calling the boy’s attention to his zipper.

“Uh,” you gulp, mind completely blanking. For the first time in your life, you practically had no comeback. No snide remark. No sass. Nothing. Your mouth went dry as your eyes briefly connect with Tom’s. He clenches his jaw and bows his head, trying to keep his lid on his simmering jealousy at the thought of you liking someone.

Someone besides him.

See, Tom was also completely head over heels for you. But because of your personality, it was hard to tell whether your flirting was just a part of you, or if you were genuinely into him.

There was always an unspoken spark between the two of you, and even if it was regularly being pointed out by friends and family members, neither of you have talked about it, nor confronted it.

It was just..there. Existing in every space, no matter the time, and though the both of you longed for one another, the profound fear of rejection and stepping over the ‘friendship’ line terminated the thought of any sort of engagement from both sides.

You simply dismissed the electricity in the air with a white, yet massive lie: “We’re just friends.”

“Well, this Cupid isn’t done with her job just yet. I still have to work on Tom, too.” You stupidly point out, mentally facepalming. Why would you say something like that?!

Great, you thought, I just forced myself to set up the love of my life with some girl and watch him happily fall in love with her and then he’ll get married and have kids and-

“I’ve..actually already got eyes on someone.”

Wait, what?

“Wait, what?” You raise your eyebrows, flashing him an incredulous look.

“Yeah, I like someone. I might even be in love with her.”

“Oh.” You slap on a plastic grin before anyone notices your crest-fallen face, rapidly blinking away the tears that have gathered in your eyes, “I’m..happy for you.”

You feel hot flashes run down your spine and your heart shattering into multiple little pieces, each bit slicing your lungs until you felt like you were suffocating. You couldn’t help but feel like an idiot, once succumbing to the hopes of maybe, just maybe, he would’ve fallen for you, too.

But, then again, who were you to get your hopes up? It’s Tom. There was no way in hell he would’ve wanted someone like you.

You clear your throat to try to get rid of the massive lump that was lodged in your airpipe and give him a humorless laugh, “Well, I guess you’re off the list, too.”

You turn and bit your lip, supressing the tears that were just on the verge of falling as you cross his name out. You sigh and make up an excuse to leave the boys’ curious stares, saying that you needed to go shopping for groceries and snacks for the upcoming movie night that you suddenly dreaded.

Maybe you should grab an extra bucket of ice-cream for yourself.

————

“Heyo! I got double the amount of snacks because I know you fat fucks will probably focus on the food rather than the mov-“ You look up and furrow your eyebrows at the unusual sight of an empty and peaceful living room. You couldn’t help but feel your heart lighten just a bit. Maybe you really need some alone time to think.

“In here, darling!” Tom’s wavering voice calls out from the kitchen.

Or, no alone time.

Regardless of what happened a few hours ago, butterflies erupt in your stomach at the nickname before you attempt to shake them away, telling yourself he wasn’t yours, berating your body at its inability to control itself. You sigh, placing yet another plastic smile, and stroll over to the kitchen.

“Hey, Tommy. Where are the rest of the dudes?”

“Just you and I today, love.” He beams, and you could’ve sworn you caught a glint of impishness in his eyes as he walks back to the living room with a large pizza box in his hand.

But, no. Again, he isn’t yours.

Though that didn’t stop the fire in your chest to grow with curiosity, nor did it stop the thoughts of something special happening tonight. Maybe a confession, your brain hoped.

Oh, great, you roll your eyes, now my mind and my body are betraying me.

You feign a sigh and look down at your arms that were filled to the brink with snacks, “Well,” you shrug, “can’t let the snacks go to waste.”

Once you were sure his hands were empty, you drop all the snacks on him, giggling when he threw his fists up, ready to punch.

“Y/n!” He lightheartedly rebukes you.

“Sorry, my love.” you mockingly apologize and plant a sweet kiss on his cheek, “I’m gonna go get changed.”

You run out into your room before you see his reaction and slam the door, placing your head into your hands, mouth dropping at what you’d just done.

Did you just kiss him?!

Wait, no.

Don’t get ahead of yourself. It was just a kiss on the cheek. A friendly kiss, no less. It’s not like you made out with him and told him you’re madly in love with him.

Wonder what would’ve happened if I went a little to the left and- no. No. Get a grip!

“Why can’t my body understand he doesn’t like me?” You whine in annoyance.

After putting on your comfy pj's, and cursing yourself underneath your breath, you waltz back into the living room, situating yourself at the other end of the couch, ignoring Tom’s confused gaze. Usually, there was not a single sliver of space between the two of you, but you figured tonight you’d have to control yourself.

“So, what’d the boys pick out?” You wonder out loud, trying to get rid of the tense awkwardness that settled in the gap between your bodies.

“Some movie called My Best Friend’s Wedding and- why are you sitting so far away?” You jump a little at the quick change of subject within a sentence.

“Wh-uh,” You stammer, rummaging through your brain for an excuse, “I might have a fever?” You state, though it comes out as a question. You add a fake cough to cover up for your lame excuse.

Tom stares at you skeptically before rolling his eyes, “You suck at lying. Come here,” He pulls you by your arms and places them around his waist while his circle your shoulders. Your typical position.

You felt confused. He liked - possibly loved - someone, yet continues to cuddle you and give you pet names. It felt like he knew something, a very specific secret, and was toying with your emotions.

He offers you a slice of pizza when he saw your dazed expression, which instantly melted away as you began eating.

Neither of you focused on the movie, too busy moaning and eating away at the delicious pizza. Blindly, both of you reach for the last slice, resulting in mild hand-to-hand contact that set your body on fire.

You slowly look up at each other, eyes alight with warmness, before you narrow yours and snatch the slice away, “Mine!”

Tom seemed to snap out of his daze when you made a run for it, “Hey! That’s my slice! Y/N!”

He staggers to his feet, immediately running after your giggles that led him to the kitchen, where each of you was on opposite ends of the island.

Your lips curl into a menacing smile as you slowly bring the slice to your open mouth.

“Don’t,” Tom warns, gradually inching towards you.

“Or what?” You challenge.

“I..won’t talk to you for a week!”

With pursed lips, you look down at the slice, pretending to contemplate your decision before you shrug, “That’s not even a punishment-“

In a quick moment, you feel your stomach flip as you squeal and hit a hard surface, only to realize that surface is Tom’s rigid back. He’s currently holding your thrashing self over his shoulder, arms tightly gripping your legs.

“Put me down, you buffoon! I do not enjoy being this close to your ass!”

“Oh, please. Anybody would kill to be in your position.” He begins his walk back to the living room when you realize the slice laid face down on the ground, completely forgotten by Tom, but not by you.

You gasp loudly, attempting to reach for the idle pizza that seemed to be getting farther and farther away, “Wait, Tom! The pizza!”

He laughs and throws you onto the couch and lays on top of you, head on your chest. You pout and hope and pray to the gods above that he doesn’t hear the wild thundering of your heart.

You’re at the part of the movie where Julianne takes Micheal somewhere secret to confess her feelings towards him, and a snide remark casually slips from your lips.

“Those glasses make her look like Yzma from Kronk’s New Groove.”

“Oh my god, I can’t unsee that now.” He chortles wholeheartedly, and you feel the vibrations from his chest rattle your body. A jolt of love and happiness surges through your veins. His laughter was like music to your ears. You would listen to it all day if you could.

God, you’re so in love with this boy.

“Why didn’t she tell him before the wedding?” He questions after calming down, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You huff out in slight annoyance and pause the movie, turning your head to look at him, “Did you not just hear her whole rant?”

“I still don’t understand it, honestly.”

“Well..would you?” You ask, slightly afraid of the answer. You knew this question was a loaded one, that this wasn’t about the movie anymore. That is was time to confront him about what was killing you inside.

He furrows his brows, obviously caught off guard, “Would I what?”

“Um,” You suddenly sit up, body facing his, “Let’s say that we’re best friends-”

“You’re saying we’re not?” He cuts in, jokingly placing a hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.

“-And you’re in love with me.” You roll your eyes, despite the ache in your ribs resulting from the intensity of the banging of your heart. I’m actually doing this, you think. “You’ve been in love with me for a while now. But you’re scared that I might not reciprocate those feelings. Would..would you tell me anyway?”

You knew that that was not the plot of the movie, nor was it the reason Julianne didn’t tell Michael. This was your plot now. Your story.

He blankly stares at you for a moment before he speaks, “Well,” he starts off softly, grabbing your hand, and for a moment, you fear this might be his way of letting you down easy, “Maybe I do want to risk it. If I want to let you know, maybe I’d set something up. We’d be at home, alone, watching a romantic comedy that seems to almost match our issue. But, maybe I don’t want their ending. The one where one ends up heartbroken and the other marries someone else.”

His gentle eyes finally meet yours, and you feel yourself softening, “And maybe I’m hoping you don’t want their ending, either.”

At last, you feel most of your insecurities melting away, knowing he felt the same way you did. He cautiously inches towards your face, and you do the same, lips merely centimeters away when-

“Wait,” you push at Tom’s chest, causing him to look at you with wide, panicky eyes, “So, I was the girl you were talking about earlier?” You wince, just an ounce of anxiety lingering.

Tom scoffs and shakes his head lovingly, “Yes, you dumbass.” He goes to lean in again, and you stop him. Again.

“Wait, wait, wait.” At this point, Tom closes his eyes and huffs in frustration, “Did you just spoil the ending for me?” You ask with wide eyes, staring at him in disbelief.

“Oh, for the love of-“

He crashes his lips into yours, and you freeze for a moment before melting into him. He pulls at your waist until you’re practically straddling him, lips never detaching from one another. They move in sync, almost like they were merely made to fit and function as a unit.

Just when it was getting heated, you reluctantly pull away when you hear a ruckus near the front door.

“YES! WHO’S CUPID NOW?” Harrison barges in, pumping his fist in the air.

“You set this up?” You disbelievingly question in between your pants.

“Well, I did most of the work.” He smirks and shrugs his shoulder, just as Harry appears from the doorway, punching him in the arm, “I helped, too.” He grumbles.

You glance at Tom and your eyebrows shoot up, lightbulb instantly going off in your head, “Wow, guys.” You praise, voice dripping with slick sweetness, “I can’t believe you finally got me and Tommy together. Now I can finally kiss him whenever I want and call him whatever I want.”

“Isn’t that right, babycakes?” You dramatically coo, cradling Tom’s red face in your hands.

His eyes light up as he finally gets it and plays along, “That’s right my cuddly-wuddly.” He murmurs, rubbing his nose against yours before pulling you in for another kiss.

You titter into the kiss when you hear gagging noises accompanied by “Ugh, gross!” And “Get a room!”

Tom pulls away, resting his forehead on yours, “I love you.” He whispers, almost afraid to break the fragility of the situation.

“Likewise, movie star.” You tease with a suppressed smile.

He shakes his head and lovingly rubs small circles on your waist when you hear Harry’s booming voice, “Why is there a dead pizza slice on the ground?”

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x yn #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #marvel #tom holland angst #peter parker #peter parker x reader #spiderman #peter parker fluff

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im-the-punk-who · 4 years

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The Real People of Black Sails!

Here’s a quick(I promise....I promise this is as short as I could make it without leaving out some really choice shit) rundown of all the real historical figures peppered throughout Black Sails! I think I caught them all but if you know of others please mention them and I’ll add them on! Under a readmore because this is....so long y’all.

Pirates & Maroons

Anne Bonny (possibly 1697 – unknown; possibly April 1782) Started life crossdressing at her dad’s behest to avoid his wife(who wasn’t Bonny’s mom), married a guy her dad didn’t like, moved to Nassau. There her husband became a spy for Rogers and Anne was like ‘Not cool bro’. She met Jack, they started fucking, and Anne discovered she was really good at stabbing things. Resumed dressing as a man and started trying to seduce Mary Read who was also dressed as a man. They did indeed fall victim to one of the classic queer blunders. Anyway, Anne’s like ‘it’s not gay I’m a chick!’ And Mary is like ‘really?? Then it’s a little gayer than you realize because I’m a chick too!’ They (probably) start banging. Rackham’s like ‘hang on! I’m the only dick in Anne’s life’ and Mary and Anne are like ‘you sure are’ and Mary shows him her boobs and then they have some sort of complicated and probably not totally consensual threeway. Then they get captured because, Jack is That Guy Who Was Too Drunk To Realize His Ship Was Under Attack and Mary and Anne had to defend the ship against like, a whole other crew. Jack is hung(not a dick joke), but both Anne and Mary plead stays of execution due to pregnancy. Anne disappears but possibly is maybe referred to later. No one knows. Neat!

Edit: According to sources from this post there is a genealogical record that refers to Anne and it records her death as 1782. Very neat!

Israel Hands (c.1701-death unknown) Israel Hands was a real pirate and Blackbeard’s first mate. Not much else is known about where he came from or his life, other than that Blackbeard shot him in the knee at one point while supposedly aiming for another man. ‘Oops my bad this pistol is from like, the 18th century or something.’ While recuperating in Bath he was arrested after Teach’s death but took a pardon in exchange for ratting out the colonial officials who had been bribed by Teach. It’s unknown what happened to him after that although That Book About Pyrites says he died a beggar in London.

Benjamin Hornigold (1680–1719) Horny4gold was one of the most well known and influential pirates of the Golden Age. Most other pirates sailed under him or with him at one point, and he was one of the founders of the Pirate Republic of Nassau. He never attacked british ships during his time as captain so that he could be like ‘but brooooo I was acting in Britain’s Interests!!! Bro!!!!!’ But his co-pirates didn’t like that and eventually voted to replace him with Sam Bellamy. He accepted the king's pardon in 1718 and became a pirate hunter instead. Bummer. He was reportedly killed in a shipwreck.

Okay listen Horingold in any universe is a fucking JOKE I have to share this passage with y’all:

“Hornigold is recorded as having attacked a sloop off the coast of Honduras, but as one of the passengers of the captured vessel recounted, "they did us no further injury than the taking most of our hats from us, having got drunk the night before, as they told us, and toss'd theirs overboard"” WHAT A JOKE.

Dr. Howell - (birth/death unknown) John Howell was a pirate surgeon forced into service by Hornigold sometime in early 1717. He sailed with various pirate crews until October before returning into the service of Governor Rogers.

Ned Low (1690–1724) N’EDWARD. Okay I’m serious again. Born in London, Lowe grew up a thief in a thief family before moving to Boston. His wife died in childbirth in 1719, so he decided ‘fuck it I’ll become a Pirate Captain’ and did just that. He was known for torturing the people on board the ships he captured before murdering them and burning the ship. Interestingly though, Lowe was known to have a huge amount of regret over abandoning his daughter when he turned pirate, and wouldn’t force married men into his service. He also reportedly would allow women to return to port safely. Because of his numerous captures and cruelties, he was one of the most well known pirates in his day. There are differing reports about Low’s death - some say his crew mutinied and marooned him and he was subsequently hung, others say his ship sunk in a storm, and some say he just straight up disappeared. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jack Rackham - (December 26, 1682 – November 18, 1720) Really a pirate, really named himself after a housecat pattern. (No, okay, he didn’t, it was because of his threads. But wouldn’t the cat thing fit too?) Sailed with Vane, Anne Bonny, and Mary Read. Was mostly known for being That Guy Who Was Too Drunk To Realize His Ship Was Under Attack and being Anne and Mary’s captain. He was captured and sentenced to hang after the aforementioned Drunk Blunder in 1720.

Mary/Mark Read - (1685 – 28 April 1721) Much like Anne Bonny, Mary dressed as a boy for much of her youth so a parent could swindle someone out of money. From her teenage years on she continued dressing as a man to find work in the military and as a sailor. She did marry but her husband died young and so she decided to become a pirate. Like ya do. She accepted the king’s pardon in 1718, then mutinied on the privateer she was aboard, once again becoming a pirate. Because pirates are sexy. In 1720 she joined Jack Rackham’s crew and sailed with him and Bonny. Cue the whole ‘Hey you’re hot, also I’m a woman.’ ‘Oh, hey, same hat!’ with Anne. In November of 1720, Rackham’s ship was captured. Mary died of a fever in prison(likely due to her pregnancy) in 1721.

Edward Teach - (c. 1680 – 22 November 1718) He started piracy sailing under Hornigold, and built the fleet alongside him and Stede Bonnet until Hornigold retired. COOL fact about Blackbeard is he was a MASTER showman who liked to light slow burning fuses under his hat to scare his enemies, and he relied more heavily on creating an image his prizes feared than violence. He did a lot of cool shit including ransoming the entire town of Charles Town and annoying the shit out of Woodes Rogers before settling in Bath and later dying of like, a shit ton of wounds while battling Lieutenant Maynard. The battle on Roger’s ship is pretty much what happened minues the keelhauling. Afterwards he was beheaded, his head hung from the bow of Maynard��s ship, and his body was thrown in the bay in Bath, where it’s said his ghost still haunts! Funky!

Charles Vane - (1680 – 29 March 1721) Really a pirate captain! Known for being Not A Nice Dude. Sailed with Henry Jennings, Edward England and Jackie Rackhammie. He led the pirates in resisting Rogers in Nassau, and yeah he really did light a ship on fire and 18th centuryeet it into Rogers’ line in order to escape. There’s a note that he returned to Nassau to get married but I couldn’t find any info on who he married so he’s gay now. That’s a rule I just made up. Anyway so at one point his ship got into a fight with another ship and Vane ordered a retreat and the crew was like ‘this is BOOshit’ and voted him out in favor of Jack Rackham. Ouch. Vane and some of the crew that supported him left aboard the Katherine(I believe) but then they got caught in a storm that said ‘fuck you specifically to Charles Vane,’ and he was marooned on an island. He survived! Just long enough for a British ship to stop at the island for him to attempt to board, get caught, and then hung. Deus ex piratica.

(Honorary mentions)

John Silver + Captain Flint (sort of but I’m not kidding!) Okay so of course there are a bunch of suspected origins of the characters of Captain Flint and Long John Silver, but the one I like the most is of two brothers - one of whom had a peg leg! - who captured an enormous Spanish treasure and buried it near Ocracoke island. Their names were John and Owen Lloyd. (And yes, John was the one-legged brother.) In 1750 a Spanish treasure fleet named the Flotas de Indias attempted to sail from Havana to Spain in late August, and three ships were wrecked during a hurricane. By a stroke of luck, the Lloyd brothers had been blown to the same inlet as the wrecked ships Guadalupe and Soledad , and managed to convince the Captain to hire them to transport the treasure to Norfolk.

But of course because they thought the Spanish SUCKED they said ‘psyche’ and just fucked off with it while the Captain was fighting Bureaucratic red tape in North Carolina. Iconique. Owen Lloyd reportedly buried the treasure on Norman Island and the pair became folk heroes in the area, particularly in St. Kitts. (P.s., the Stevenson family ran a sugar production business on St. Kitts, and R.L. Stevenson’s great grandfather worked there as early as 1773 - just 25 years after the epic heist. COOL STORY BRO.)

Captain Throckmorton (Okay not really but I just love this guy’s name) Okay so this guy wasn’t really a pirate captain but he was a Steamboat captain in the 1830s and his name is just too ridiculous for someone to make up. Toot toot, motherfucker.

---------

Queen Nanny(Maroon Queen/Madi) (c. 1686 – c. 1755) The spiritual, cultural, and military leader of the Windward Maroons (who the Black Sails Maroons are based on.) She led them alongside her ‘brother’ Quao although the relationship between them isn’t known. Exact information about her origins are not known but best guess is that she was of royal lineage from present-day Ghana, born sometime in the 1680’s. She did have a husband named Adou(who may have been the same person as Quao? I’ve read conflicting stuff), but they had no children. Many of the guerilla warfare tactics we now think of as common practice were developed by Queen Nanny and the other Maroons in their fight against British incursions. (The trap that Flint lays, covering themselves with paint and leaves, and the pits the Maroons lay in the forest are tactics known to have been used by the Windward Maroons.)

Nanny was a fucking legend okay a LEGENDS ONLY legend. She was one of the most instrumental people in preserving African culture among freed slaves and Maroons, and in encouraging the resistance to slavery in the Bahamas and surrounding areas. She was one of three leaders of the First Maroon War (which the war in Black Sails is based on). She initially refused to sign the treaty offered to Cudjoe because she knew the British were losing and was like ‘Why????? Would I surrender???? In a war??? I’m winning?????’

Anyway Queen Nanny was a fucking badass please read every piece of literature you can find on her. (You should absolutely read her full bio because she was fucking badass.)

Cudjoe (not exactly, but Julius is very close) (c. 1690s – 1764) Likely a freeborn son of one of the original escaped slaves turned Maroons, Cudjoe is hailed as one of the greatest Maroon leaders(after Queen Nanny). Much like in Black Sails, these original Maroons were slaves who escaped or overran their masters, forming free communities in the Mountains of Jamaica. The treaty in Black Sails is based on the one Cudjoe negotiated with the British, wanting an ‘honorable peace’ with the enemy, rather than the continued war and better terms that Queen Nanny and Quao wanted. (sound familiarrrrrr?) I do want to note that by the end of his life he became completely disillusioned with the idea that the British should be reasoned with and basically started fights with every British superior he could.

The English, Spanish, and Scottish!

The Guthries So while there wasn’t ever a female head of the Guthrie clan in Nassau, the Guthries were a Scottish merchant clan who emigrated to Boston around 1652 due to religious and racial persecution. While most of the family stayed around Pennsylvania and Massachusetts, John Guthrie moved to Virginia and his brother James Guthrie moved to Bermuda sometime after 1683.

(James Guthrie of Suffolk County, Massachusetts was listed in the will of John Richardson, dated 7 May 1683, in which Richardson says, “I give and bequeath unto James Guthrie all I have in the world except twenty shillings to buy John Harris a ring and ten shillings to buy John Kyte a ring.” This was witnessed by John Raynsford and John Ramsey.) Fellas is it gay.

Anyway, between Virginia and Boston and James’ ties in the Bermuda islands, the family made a shit ton fencing pirated goods during the Golden Age of Piracy, particularly from the Pirate Republic of Nassau.

A John Guthrie(likely a son of James’) was also a Colonel who was part of the peace talks with Cudjoe and the Maroons. Neat!

James Oglethorpe (22 December 1696 – 30 June 1785) Okay listen Oglethorpe was COOL AS FUCK. He is the founder of the colony of Georgia and is imo who Thomas Hamilton is probably based on. Oglethorpe was a HUGE humanitarian and even before he decided to form an entire colony around people not owning slaves. He advocated for better conditions for sailors, and prison reform. In 1732 he read a letter by a slave in Maryland named Ayuba Suleiman Diallo and on the spot decided slavery was terrible, divested himself of his stock in the African Trading Company, and resolved to include a law banning slavery in Georgia to the colony’s charter. Radical, man.

Speaking of Georgia, and specifically his plantation near Savannah, Oglethorpe actively spoke with the native Yamacraw who populated the land to ask permission and trade for the land he sought to build Georgia on. His plantation was meant to help debtors in London, released without any support, from falling back into debt and offering them a way forward to landownership through indentured servitude. I highly recommend anyone interested in early attempts at an equality based colonial system read up on the original charter of Georgia. (Of course there were still problems, but Oglethorpe was one of the most prominent proponents of a non hierarchical society - including limits to the acreage any person could own based on how helpful that land was to the people who worked it, and communal resources.) Oglethorpe was also a lifelong friend with Tomochichi, the chief of the Yamacraw, and worked very closely with him on colonial-indigenous relations.

Vincente de Raja (birth/death unknown) He was the real Governor and military Captain of Cuba from 1716-1717. He was a devoted pirate hunter and encouraged Spanish privateering against the pirates. Due to an attempt by Spain to increase tobacco profits at the expense of the farmers, there was a large revolt which resulted in many of the Cuban officials, including Raja, being replaced.

William Rhett (4 September 1666 – 12 January 1723) He was a merchant captain and plantation owner in Carolina who served in the colonial militia and hunted pirates. He captured Stede Bonnet and was probably just as much of an asshole as he is in the show.

Woodes Rogers - (c. 1679 – 15 July 1732) The Governor of Nassau who was largely responsible for ending piracy in the Bahamas. He really did offer a universal pardon, which a large number of the pirates took. Fun fact: before he was Governor, he rescued Alexander Selkirk, who is believed to be the guy Robinson Crusoe is based off of! Neat! He really did have a brother who really did die during his privateering exploits which also really did leave him ‘disfigured’. He got sued by his crew, went bankrupt, wrote a book, got famous for writing the book, and he really did have a wife named Sarah whom he divorced shortly after all this happened. He then became Governor of Nassau for the first time. This first term did end in him being imprisoned for debts incurred defending the island from Vane and Teach and the Spanish, but he was released, helped write that most famous A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates, and became governor again in 1728. He died in 1732 of just plain exhaustion from dealing with the bureaucracy. Alexa play tiny violin.

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theskyexists · 3 years

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Revolution of the Daleks

im actually really happy with this, Yaz not being able to let go. Ryan and Graham having practice. i could wish a million things had happened with Ryan (!) and Graham before but this is as good as it’s gonna get from this point

i like the way they’re trying to imitate the Doctor explicitly

‘this is hard, innit?”

‘have you had work done?’ ‘you can talk!’ (that sounded so Nine and Jack!!! hahahaa) edit: it was litearlly Ten and Jack

reference!

DOCTOR AND JACK HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leo......is a very cynical representation of an amoral scientist.

How the hell is Trump-analogue the sane one here lolololol. but he’s dumb enough to leave incinerating the thing to Leo.

what an idiot - opening the casing. im not really into how the narrative is basically like: trump is right about stupid scientists! hah...

the banter between jack and the doctor is so good? imitation of the original product clearly but still GOOD

love how the Doctor instantly goes - i need to go see the fam

she was in space jail for decades (she doesn’t mention the decades)

THAT MOMENT OF MATERIALISATION WAS SO GOOD

noooooooooooooooo OUCH - ouch! YAZ!

‘im sorreh’

SHE DOESN’T MENTION HOW SHE’S BEEN LOCKED IN PRISON FOR FUCKING DECADES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my god Doctor. give them some perspective PLEASE

Jack’s ‘whoops’ is hilarious if you consider his history with teh Doctor

Ryan - god i love Ryan.

Actually didn’t like Graham’s response to Jack. narratively, homophobic

absolutely despise the orange lettering

this episode really goes to show that Chibnall thinks structurally extremely slowly. he picks threads up from ages ago. and then he does do something decent with it. does this mean that the longer he keeps on the better it will get?

i think it’s pretty fuckin hilariously sad though that the companions are once again relegated to couriers - they note that they can’t do stuff on their own (even though the season finale last time gave them ‘Doctor-like’ sequences even if they never managed to impact the story of the Doctor herself - so i guess we’ve gone backwards in this arc) and then they CAN’T do stuff on their own and the Doctor comes in

it’s not the Doctor OR the companions Chibs. and if these companions are just incapable - make that a point! that would be a wonderful contrast to Clara

Woah Jack fuckin infodump

aahahhaa

i do love Yaz’s response. this seems to build up to some final DESERVED - i need to know MORE doctor - now.

‘oh she’s good’ - that’s such a RTD thing to say. chibs just directly copy-pasting a lot here. this is acceptable if he can give it new meaning. inverse meaning

why even drop two people off - whats the Doctor gonna do - nothing?

i actually like the new dalek design very much. oh confront Robertsen? i still can’t get used to the explicit task division set-up - even if this time it was used for characterisation

i - adore. this talk between Jack and Yaz. because it’s Yaz accessing so much shit from the Doctor’s past suddenly. and then it becomes extra clear that Jack’s and the Doctor’s connection was kinda romantic in whatever way - and it’s directly paralleled with Yaz. that romantic tragic attachment - doomed to hurt. (i.e. my fav)

god mandip gill is yeeting this out of the park. I LOVE IT. i love these lines. ‘we’re the lucky ones yaz’ - graham also told her something like this in demons of the punjab.

‘the joy, is worth the pain’ - is it? Jack thinks so - still! my god.that’s so tragic - so beautiful. so much rtd feel here.

jezus chibnall - fuckin sonic gun even???? ‘thanks, that’s it??’ hahahahaha. ok you did good. nobody’s ever impressed at it. LOL DAMN YAZ

‘they’re growing daleks’ - this secondary reveal doesn’t matter bc no reveal would have been a genuine reveal anyway

the new prime minister givin her speech and the doctor explaining daleks should have had snappier editing - specifically the music should not have gone back to simple british empire horns or whatever- but should have had an undertone of dalek in there

really! ALIEN REFERENCES! MY GOD CHIBNALL!!! everybody was thinking it but you did it.... i guess it’s done now. sexual politics wise i’d say Robertsen might have been a much better choice.

guns and explosives will solve everything!!!!!! oh chibnall

i love this lil talk between Ryan and teh Doctor - because it goes to show that the Doctor actually really cared. it would be fitting if they all left now actually lol - that would be nice and dramatic. Jodie is doing great on the acting here - i can FEEL the warning messages in her brains going AAAAAAAAAAA im losing this one!!!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Ryan - oh finally - finally this is coming out. calling her out, ‘how do you feel about that’‘ - the counsellor

‘things change, all the time, and they should, cos they have to’ - oh ffffff and ryan inverts things on her. oh i would have loved that if they’d done the extensive groundwork for it. now it just feels like a final death knell - the Doctor paternalised in classic Doctor words by her pseudo-son (but not really bc we never got it for real). couldn’t chibnall have left that for a dude actor ....

i love Jodie’s acting here my GOD. the mouth, the thin lips. The Doctor’s thinking - ah ive lost him - he doesn’t need me at all. ‘always’ this is Ryan’s motif actually. Yaz said the same thing about him.

LOL and Leo reveals himself only when the bombs have been planted and the Doctor’s arrived

lol ok that’s a pretty grisly reveal chibs, BUT would have been cooler if Yaz somehow found out herself and not through villain exposition. Robertsen really is VERY good comic relief here ‘this is a pr disaster’

that was actually a GOOD use of the Doctor going hmmm what’s wrong here and Yaz going well maybe this

ok but because chibnall has such dumb and obvious twists all the time it makes the Doctor always look dumb for slowly stumbling through a self-deprecating explanation. the least authoritative doctor ever my god.... like she could feel the shock to her system coming and that’s why she was born so un-self-assured. hate that shit. not what i wanted

the recon dalek used ultra viiolet light to teleport. lol. but then the Doctor is too late to stop it. hmm a bit uh..........idk conflicted about all the poc getting exterminated at the border...is this irony???

so how is the Dalek electrocuting Leo with nothing but a shitty slime body? also don’t like that. especially because Robertsen is getting away scot free again probably

‘no weapons’ (what about the bombs - couldn’t jack have interjected with knowledge on that shit - before the daleks teleported mysteriously????) ‘no time to think’ - Doctor i thought it was established that you could think at 3000 miles per fraction of a second.

forget it. forget it forget it forget it. chibnall and I will never agree on this. if the Doctor hits rock bottom here - then it better be a companion that picks her back up. nope, she gets back up herself. best job they’ve done so far on that i admit but then they cut immediately to a leisurely discussion as people are getting gunned the fuck down in the streets.

ah, shes inviting the original fleet to destroy these daleks which are ‘corrupted’

why..................did they explain the whole plan before it happened. WHY. OH WHY! is Chibnall so structurally BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!

this would have WORKED as a GOOD twist if he’d made it an actual fucking TWIST. please chibs....let me at the scripts....please....

the stakes are also not well-established because none of the companions said: oh shit but we could barely get rid of ONE, now there’s thousands!

‘they shouldn’t know im here’ *materialises TARDIS right in front of hundreds of Daleks*

this whole scene between the two sets of Daleks would have been great if we hadn’t been spoiled

is................Robertsen gonna pay for his arrogance - ignoring the Doctor? or is the Doctor’s ineffective ‘get back here’ going to be the last we see of this. Betraying the Doctor?

Chibs if you dont make this guy pay i will give up

Ryan stepping up to save Earth. hmmhm.

Jack: w-wait are you okay with this?

Jack she’s been sending these idiots in without supervision for no reason for ages. she just did it with Yaz?? but its a nice era-contrast - even if the meaning is muddled

So i guess Jack’s just got hundreds of bombs on him? at all times?

who the fuck doctors the script

why............did Chibnall regress Graham’s and Ryan’s relationship into awkwardness in their final episode. that’s just plain sad.

inversely, NOW would have been good to know the second plan because then we would have known why the Daleks knowing about the Doctor is bad SPECIFICALLY

‘even if we blow up the ship, theres still SAS daleks marauding through earth’s skies’ she says, like she wasn’t supposed to have a plan to stop them ??????

‘right’ she said, walked off, and then didn’t think of a plan

‘orrr.... you’re gonna have to trust me on this one Yaz’

this is such a TERRIBLE and unsubtle and stupid way to segue into discussing the Doctor’s problems with disappearing

WHY IS CHIBNALL HAVING THEM SAVE ROBERTSEN - fuck this! FUCK THIS!

wow - that’s really shit of the Doctor - just telling a TARDIS to destroy itself completely......

really chibnall.....really you’re gonna let this man get away LIKE THIS. I’m done. i’m done. im sorry but this is not something to just PLAY with. letting a Trump guy get the better of the female Doctor not once, but twice? this makes me so sad. and im done. it’s just insult after insult. he just doesn’t GET it. this is too close to my heart. this is not a GAME. this is supposed to be a fucking POWER FANTASY - and he can’t even fucking make it that. he can’t discuss the problems with power because he can’t even FATHOM the Doctor as a power fantasy in this form. fuck. this.

‘can you believe that’ - ‘yeah i can’

thanks - thanks for this political hopelessness on top of the real shit Chibnall. that’s not what Doctor Who is about - that’s the starting point - not the fucking end state

i know it’s supposed to be related to Ryan and how it’s quite subtly about making the world a better place politically bc it’s going to hell - and Robertsen is definitely coming back because chibnall just does that shit

but

if he wanted to do that he should have had Ryan and Robertsen have a confrontation this episode

a hug. a HUG. my god. so what was the absence of hugs all about then? now im grumpy about THAT. fck

this is good acting, good lines, good normal ending to Graham’s time in the TARDIS, it ties in just a little bit with his family arc. but it’s not particularly coherent - guess that;s life ?

‘it’s ok to be sad’ - cut to black. that was good

so the conclusion is that all they needed to be like the Doctor is a little gadget. this is deeply incoherent but it appeals to me anyway. and i dont really understand how Robertsen features into protecting the planet from aliens then

what is this weird Ryan speech lol. Tosin did incredibly good on making that seem halfway organic.

ok so Grace appearing made me tear up lol

#my stuff #vidi #dw

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twopointthreeninetoone · 7 years

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(I’ll warn you up front: This shit is long. Because I wrote it while I was watching it, all those many years ago. Also, although I grew up on the movies and love them to death, 1) this is still pretty irreverent, so if you’re a mega-Star Wars fan and want to read nothing but praise for the movies, uh, don’t read this; and 2) I don’t know the official names for a lot of the characters and ships and weapons and so on. So don’t send my nasty anon messages about how I spelled sarlaac wrong. Because I honestly don’t give a fuck how many a’s are in that bloody word. But yeah. We’ll start at the end. That’s a very good place to start.

Revenge Return of the Jedi (1983)

So, it’s been three years since The Empire Strikes Back. We imagine that Luke & Co. were knocking around the galaxy—Luke finishing his Jedi training, Leia undoubtedly trying to figure out a way to get her boyfriend back, and oh yeah, there’s that whole rebellion thing going on as well. Or maybe this takes places shortly after The Empire Strikes Back, with Luke & Co. stopping long enough for a cuppa before heading off to Jabba the Hut’s pad to rescue poor Han. In any case, here we are, and we’re at Jabba the Hut’s place, and some weird shit is about to go down (read: metal bikini).

It’s apparently a three-pronged attack—initially R2D2 and C3PO lead the first wave of attack, pouncing upon Jabba’s compound with the grace and ferocity of black jaguars. Or, they go there and are instantly given to Jabba by Luke as a sign of friendship. It should be noted that Luke (or Mark Hamill) looks wrecked by now…and he’s wearing black. The Fuck-Up Luke of the Past is no more, my friends. We now have a calmer, more Stable Jedi Luke, who wears black and talks in a monotone voice and drops his friends at the slightest chance of getting to be in with the cool Jabba the Hut. It’s just not cool, Luke.

After this scene, George Lucas injected a musical number for the special edition DVD. Because we needed it. We really did. It didn’t stop the story at all. It wasn’t weird. And I didn’t fast forward through it. Nope. Because it was necessary, damn it. A green alien dancer also gets eaten by a monster. It should be noted that Lucas put in a few more shots of the dancer, twenty-one years after the fact. What’s even more amazing is the fact that he doesn’t use CGI—oh no, not him. He uses the same actress from the original movie, and what’s more amazing is that she looks the same. If I hadn’t known all this, I would have thought it was old footage. I just have to hope and pray that I look like her when I’m forty or fifty.

Second phase of the attack: Chewbacca and a strange alien bounty hunter guy stop by and the bounty hunter sells Chewbacca to Jabba. You notice a pattern starting here. Jabba thinks this is all pretty cool. What he would do with Chewbacca, I really don’t know; although one imagines those Wookiee-skin rugs on the walls don’t bode well for him. Either that, or…metal bikini. Oh, and all this time you can see poor Han in his carbonite slab, a very interesting (if mean-spirited) wall decoration for Jabba’s lair. I can imagine Jabba showing his partygoers around. “…And this is Han Solo, a bounty hunter who crossed me way back when, so I had him encased in carbonite. Would you like some punch?” The Strange Alien Bounty Hunter gets to stick around, I guess. They don’t much care what he does now. It’s a bit like the Kennedy compound in that respect.

That night the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter sneaks through Jabba’s dance room. It sneaks around sneakily, and satisfactorily knocks over a lamp, runs into some wind chimes, steps on a cat, triggers an alarm, trips on another cat, steps on a rake, breaks a window, starts a fire, gets the dog barking, sets fire to a cat, and sneezes. It’s still able to reach Han Solo and free him from the carbonite (in one of those cool eighties graphics like the kind you see in Ghostbusters and Labyrinth). When he hits the ground, it sounds like a freighter was dropped off the Empire State Building. That’s probably what woke Jabba up, but we’ll never know. In any case, hey, Han is blind. Can’t see a thing, and his hair is slicked back in that eighties manner. And he’s really cold, poor guy. So he can’t see the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter take him into its arms and cuddle him. This was the first Star Wars movie I saw, and I distinctly remember thinking that was really, really weird. As the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter soothes him, Han asks, “Who are you?” The Strange Alien Bounty Hunter takes off its helmet to reveal that it is actually—Martin Landau! Actually, it’s Leia. “Someone who loves you,” she tells him. “Calista?” he asks. It’s not. It’s Leia. They kiss. It’s sweet. There’s laughing. It’s Jabba the Hut and his entire Crazy dance party. They were waiting in the shadows the whole time. Jabba’s Crazy Dance Party is actually a lot like those high-profile cocaine parties from the eighties. I think George Lucas was trying to say something.

Han tries to bargain with Jabba—and sounds like a used-car dealer in the process—but it’s no use. He’s chucked into prison while Jabba takes Leia and…well…metal bikini. It’s interesting to note that the metal bikini has become the fuel to the fire of countless fanboys’ fantasies. I guess it’s a boy thing. It doesn’t look comfortable at all, Carrie Fisher looks mortified, and the whole idea of being a sex slave to a huge slug shows that George Lucas was one sick motherfucker. He really is. Freudians will analyze this trilogy and officially announce that George Lucas probably should have been locked up long ago (preferably before he made the Star Wars prequels).

In the last wave of the attack, everybody stupidly decides to go banco on Luke Skywalker. Because if the past two movies have taught us anything, it’s that Luke Skywalker gets things done, damn it. He comes in, says a lot of things in a sage-like manner, and is ultimately thrown into the cage of that big monster that ate the Alien Dancing Girl. This scene is really sad, because a hog-like guard is thrown in as well, and as he tries desperately to crawl up the walls of the cave, the big monster picks him up and eats him as he squeals like the hog creature that he is. George Lucas, you are a sick bastard. In any case, Luke gets out of it with his Jedi Skillz, and as a reward for his obvious prowess, Jabba sends him, Han, and Chewie into the Living Pit Thing (a pit with a thing that eats other things).

Before this, Han and Luke have a funny exchange:

Luke: You’re not missing much. I used to live here, you know.

Han: You’re going to die here, you know. Convenient.

Han says shit like this the entire time. I love him. So a lot of things happen at the Living Pit Thing. Because that’s the kind of happening place it is. Luke has a Master Plan and gets them all out of trouble, but not before Lando Calrissian (who was there as well) almost gets eaten by the monster. When I saw this for the first time, I was very worried about Lando, despite the fact that I had no idea who he was. My thoughts were more or less, “Won’t someone please help that poor black man! He’s the only black man in the galaxy!” And it was true. During the whole big fracas, Leia (still a sex slave in a metal bikini) strangles Jabba with her chains. Typical sex slave/pimp-related murder. George, I said it once and I’ll say it again—you are one sick son of a bitch.

So after everyone is saved, Luke goes to finish his training with Yoda, and I guess the others just fuck around the galaxy a little more. Yoda dies. Why does one of the most beloved characters in the trilogy die? I can only guess it’s because Lucas is a sick man, hates all that is good in the world, and didn’t want to pay Frank Oz any more than he had to. The thing is, Yoda looks kind of funny before he dies. His eyes are kind of crossed, and his ears are bent, and damn it if he’s making any sense to me. Kind of like Ronald Reagan, I guess. Yep, I went there.

Obi-Wan Kenobe doesn’t know when he’s licked, and his spirit won’t go away. Luke doesn’t let the fact that Obi’s dead stop him from bothering him with questions. Yoda does mention that “there is another” right before he dies. Another? Wasn’t the Darth-Vader-Is-Luke’s-Father thing big enough? And, hey, it turns out to be Leia! What kind of galaxy is this, where everyone turns out to be related to one another? Is this galaxy located in the Deep South part of the universe? Luke is shocked, shocked to learn not only that Leia is his sister, but also that: 1) he kissed—and probably had romantic feelings for—his sister, and 2) he saw his sister in a metal bikini. George, you sick fuck…

Hey, guess what! Remember when we thought that the Death Star had exploded to teeny tiny bits and would never ever be a threat, ever again? Well we were wrong! Because it’s back! And they have to blow it up real good again! Han, Luke, & Co. resolve to destroy it, and while they’re at it, they should probably just destroy the Empire while they’re at it. Because, you know, it’s getting to be a nuisance. They go to the forest moon of Endor, where the power station of the Death Star’s force field is located, while everyone else (including Lando, who gets to fly in the Millenium Falcon) waits in space so they can blow up the Death Star II and all the other Imperial fleets. Han’s a greater person than I am; I won’t let anyone drive my PT Cruiser to the grocery store. Just goes to show you how much he’s matured (and how immature and insecure I am).

Carrie Fisher has a cigarette-laden voice. Just wanted to point that out. And Harrison Ford is still hot (even if he does just seem to be here for laughs).

Cool Endor hover-bike chase scene! The price of admission is worth it. I’d recreate this scene whenever I was biking through the forest when I was younger. And the part where Leia wrecks her hover-bike and is thrown to the ground? That scene was recreated a lot. I never found myself approached by Ewoks though. More like rabid raccoons. In any case, Luke succeeds in losing his sister and wrecking his own bike. My own sister was like him in that respect.

Another funny line—just after Luke & Co. realize that Leia is missing, R2D2 beeps a bit and C3PO says to him, “And you said it was pretty here.”

Ewoks. Ewoks are funny little things. I’m thinking that Lucas put them in the movie just to appease the li’l kiddies (the metal bikini probably placed a lot of odd, uncomfortable questions in their fragile little minds). Twenty years later, a good deal of these li’l kiddies will loathe those little teddy bear creatures with a passion. I don’t care about them one way or another—they’re all right and they move the story along. I remember knowing of them, and liking them, as a little kid—about six years before I’d even seen the movie. Insane. The Ewoks are somehow able to capture Han & Co. How they’re able to do this, I have no idea. They might be smarter than you think. And, they have spears. Funnily enough, they accept C3PO as their god. No kidding. Methinks they would have accepted the McDonald’s Golden Arch as their god if the situation had presented itself. They take them all back to their tree-top living arrangement, with C3PO enthroned, and everyone else (even poor R2D2) tied up to be roasted over flames, slowly. These li’l guys are the cutest. And hey, there’s Leia! She’s up there in the Tree Top Compound as well! She looks like a hippie folk singer! Luke is a fucking tool, to the point where I actually kind of miss the whiny Luke of the Past. They’re saved when Luke uses his Skillz to make everything all right. Why he didn’t fucking do this in the first place, I have no idea. Luke and Leia manage to have a heart-to-heart, wherein Luke tells her that she’s his sister and, uh, Darth Vader is their dad. Leia is shocked, shocked not only by this, but also by the realization that: 1) she kissed (and probably had romantic feelings for) her brother, 2) her father tried to kill her numerous times, 3) her father destroyed her entire home planet, 4) her father froze her boyfriend in carbonite, and 5) her brother saw her in a metal bikini. Tough times. Han’s confused by the fact that everyone looks really shocked, but no one will tell him anything. Welcome to my world, buddy. He thinks Luke and Leia are in love. Dude, you don’t want to know what you’ve gotten yourself into.

Luke surrenders himself to Darth Vader (that sounded dirty) thinking that Darth would show some compassion for the first time in, oh, six years. He’s wrong. His punk ass gets owned by Darth, who takes him to the Emperor. Luke doesn’t want to give up the hope that his dad might actually be a nice guy, and will let him by, just this once. Kid, I’ve had the same problem with just about a million teachers. It won’t work. Your ass is toast. Although I will admit, I was never given the chance to fight-to-the-death with any of my teachers. Unfortunately.

More stuff happens. For the rest of the movie, Han & Co. try to get into that power station and turn off the force field of the Death Star II. Ewoks are involved. It is both cute and sad, as little Ewok soldiers lay down their lives for a cause that I’m fairly sure none of them have ever heard about until now, or can never ever really comprehend, no less. Imagine going into the woods outside your house, gathering up all the squirrels in the forest, and explaining to them that we’re at war right now, and would really like their help in fighting, because you see we have all these intergalactic congresses and councils and things went to hell and an Empire sprang up, etc. They’ll be sure to help you out.

Luke meets the Emperor. It doesn’t go well. Darth Vader refers to Luke as “my son” a bit too much in front of the boss. Luke, Darth, and the Emperor spend the rest of the movie in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse, as Luke realizes that if he doesn’t fight Vader, then his friends will die and the rebellion will be crushed, but if he gives into his anger, then the Dark Side will win. It’s a bit of a pickle. And, Lando and the rest of the Rebels pick a dogfight against the Empire’s big-ass ships. I mention this because some of John Williams’ best music in the trilogy comes from these scenes. Han & Co. continue to fight on Endor—first getting caught (“You rebel scum”, a Storm Trooper says when he catches them, which led me to believe for a very long time that all rebels were cool, until I learned about all that Civil War stuff. Some rebels really aren’t cool.) In the end, they’re saved by the Ewoks. See, aren’t you surprised that even though they seem small and powerless, they actually play a huge part in aiding the heroes of the movie? Doesn’t this make you feel a bit better about being short and weak? Those li’l guys are dangerous though. Never forget that. They viciously take out an entire battalion of Storm Troopers and their Evil Chicken-Like Tank Things. They could tear you apart, given the chance, and still seem adorable as your bloodied entrails are dangling from their fangs. R2D2 gets shot and explodes (poor thing). An Ewok dies on-screen. It is Sad. Hundreds of rebel fighters are killed when the Death Star II blows up their ships. It’s not as Sad. The only other black guy in the galaxy (an X-wing fighter pilot) dies. So does an Asian guy. It’s Weird.

At one point in the light saber duel, Darth Vader picks apart Luke’s mind and discovers that Leia is his daughter. He actually doesn’t seem too shocked at this, probably because: 1) he’s evil. I just wanted to mention this part (where Darth threatens to get Leia and Luke gets angry and fights him full-force) because the music in it is really cool. It’s probably my favorite part of the movie. Ironically enough, just when Han & Co. get things straight on Endor and turn off the force field, and Lando & Co. fly into the Death Star II and try to blow it up, the Emperor decides that Luke isn’t going to give in and proceeds to slowly torture and kill him, as Darth watches. Luke pleads for his father to help him, once again showing that he really hasn’t learned anything. You need to fight your own battles, son. You can’t go running off to Daddy whenever you need help. Vader shows that he really hasn’t learned anything about being a father by picking up the Emperor and tossing him down a very deep cavern, thus killing himself in the process. Before he dies he asks for Luke to take his mask off, so that he can look on his son “with my own eyes”. This is surprisingly sad, not least of all because this is the end of James Earl Jones’ cool Evil Darth Vader voice. He takes off the helmet to reveal—Humpty Dumpty! Yes, his dad has a face that looks like an egg. Darth Vader dies. Luke gets out of the Death Star II before Lando & Co. blows it up. Back on Endor, Han & Co. celebrate the destruction of the Death Star II (the explosion is pretty). He tells Leia that, when Luke comes back, “I won’t get in your way.” He’s so cute when he’s emotionally destroyed. Leia laughs at him and tells him that it’s not like that, that Luke’s not heavy, he’s her brother. Funny part: you can see that fact slowly register on Han’s face, and he grins and kisses her.

So there are several CGI-produced shots of various planets celebrating the end of the Empire, and then we go back to Endor, where everyone involved is partying with the Ewoks. The original sickeningly-sweet Ewok song of the original movie is gone on the DVD, replaced by a much-nicer instrumental. Luke decides to delay his partying so he can burn his dead dad on pyre (I hate parties too, Luke). Then he joins his friends and everybody hugs and dances and it’s cute. Luke looks out into the distance and sees—dear God—the spirits of Obi-Wan Kenobe, Yoda, and his Dad! The schizophrenia has finally set in! In the DVD version, we see not the original actor who played Egg-Faced-Dad Anakin Skywalker, but Hayden Christensen, who plays Anakin in the prequels. This is terrible. He’s considerably bigger than Obi-Wan, and he looks evil and displaced. In any case, Luke waves and runs off to join his friends. The last shot of the movie is of them all—Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, R2D2 and C3PO, Lando, and the Real Hero Han—sitting together and laughing and stuff. The Empire has been crushed, the Dark Side has been defeated, and one thing is for certain: everyone is going to need a lot of therapy.

[Photo is from ScreenFish]

#Star Wars #Return of the Jedi #Billy Dee Williams #Carrie Fisher #Richard Marquand

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squaremadonna · 7 years

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Say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye —Madonna

Who’s That Girl may not be the most memorable movie of Madonna’s career, but its main titles are unforgettable.

The animated (in both senses of the term) intro directed by Ric Machin of Broadcast Arts offers not only a preamble to the narrative, but a lesson in how to make your main titles pop — even further than the film, in this case. Even filmmaker James Foley concedes that they are “maybe the best ‘scene’ in the movie” about a bleached blond manic pixie ex-con with a penchant for tutus (this is Madge circa 1987, remember) who joins forces with a lawyer (An American Werewolf in London’s Griffin Dunne) to prove her innocence. Co-written by Canadian Newsroom creator Ken Finkleman, of all people, this screwball comedy is only really noteworthy as a time capsule of the Queen of Pop’s True Blue years. But the credits? Those are a thing of art.

The entire opening sequence, set to Madonna’s catchy ’80s groove “Causing a Commotion,” animates the events leading up to Nikki Finn’s arrest, a swinging key at the end dissolving into the one in her jail cell. The freneticism and overall anarchy of the main character is captured by the equally chaotic artwork in which the colours don’t always fill in (if they are coloured at all) and the seams make the odd appearance. While the bobble-headed vixen at the center is clearly formed, everything around her seems to fall apart, much like it does in the film. Sketched in grease pencil, per cameraman Glen Claybrook, “This gave it a vibrant, sketchy feel, sort of like old xerography animation.” Director James Foley came up with the idea for an animated intro, Madonna wrote the song for it, and late Argentinian artist Daniel Melgarejo conceived the bobble-headed commotion-causing babe. “He did some sketches and just thought he caught the energy of Nikki Finn,” Foley says. “Love how his angular style matched the sonics of the song.”

A discussion with Who’s That Girl Animation Director RIC MACHIN.

You had only made a short film before Who’s That Girl. How did you end up working on this live-action feature? In 1986 in London [UK], the company I was working with at the time, Speedy Cartoons, were producing storyboards and layouts for a New York Company, Broadcast Arts Inc., mainly 2D animation. But then with the success of Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” video and the rise of MTV, mixed media productions enjoyed a renaissance. Speedy Cartoons began pre-production on a cereal commercial for Cocoa Puffs, featuring Popeye with real modelled backgrounds and 2D characters interacting.

It was supposed to be a six-week stay in Manhattan, but when the Cocoa Puffs project ended, the management at Broadcast Arts invited me to stay on to continue directing their other mixed media projects — Super Golden Crisp, Dinersaurs, Pop Secret popcorn, etc., as well as some MTV idents. When the Madonna title sequence was awarded in 1987, I was there to accept the challenge of directing the production.

What was your specific job on the project? My specific job was Animation Director. The soundtrack had already been selected by Warner Brothers — Madonna’s “Causing a Commotion” — and an Argentinian artist, Daniel Melgarejo, had been drafted in to help with concept sketches and the general style of the piece. After a week or so, I had a catchy song and a pile of unconnected drawings and the brief to turn it into a three-minute animated sequence.

Working with Daniel, we began to refine and simplify the characters and backgrounds and prepare them for animation.

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I created a narrative storyboard with the theme of Madonna being chased through Manhattan by the bad guys and being framed. From this, an animatic was shot to the track with held frames used as place-markers for the animated sequences to come. From there, freelance talent was assembled from the studio to animate the short sequences between titles, prepare background art, and work with me on scene transitions, sound effects, and editing.

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How much direction did you get? Apart from seeing the rough cut of the film, which they approved, and a fleeting visit to the twelfth floor of the Broadway studio, Madonna and James Foley left the entire project in my hands.

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Were you simply asked to illustrate the backstory or was it specified, for instance, that Madonna should come out of the WB logo? The logo at the start and the swinging key at the end were the only two immovable frames I had to work with. The general idea of how Madonna’s character ended up in jail at the start of the film had to be told, but I had completely free rein to create a story between those two points.

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How did you work with the music? I usually find it easier to work to a music track as there is a natural beat to work to and to calculate the cut points. There was a finite amount of credits to fit in, with a legal amount of three seconds held on screen per name. It was easy then to calculate and create the animated “bridges” between these points.

What were your influences? I was heavily influenced by the work of Paul Vester at Speedy Cartoons. Of all the London Animation Companies, his had a unique, slick and stylish and instantly recognizable style.

Do you have personal favourite title sequences? I enjoyed National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation titles, The Pink Panther series, The Animated Batman Series titles, Catch Me If You Can, and anything by Saul Bass.

Glen Claybrook, the cameraman, mentioned the cels were done in grease pencil, which gave the sequence a sketchy feel. How did you decide on this? It was just a style I had grown used to in London, which gives a light, feathery, and natural look to the cels. Marker pen or ink line can be cleaner, but in this case a freer line seemed to suit the character and backgrounds. They were deliberately left open and sketchy and textured, rather than being flat enclosed fields.

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What elements of the sequence are you most happy with? Apart from the obvious appeal of the Madonna character, it was challenging to create interesting transitions between the three-second held frames. Vertical and horizontal wipes and cross dissolves would have been easy choices, but I wanted to make each one unique, animated, and fitting for the scenes they were attached to. The clothes flying off the rail, the TV switching off, the removal van wiping horizontally, the key in the hand, etc.

Turning to present day, what have you seen or watched lately that’s been exciting to you? Not much animation I’m afraid, but I have been enthralled with Game of Thrones, Mad Men, and House of Cards.

Film Director: James Foley Titles Production Studio: Broadcast Arts Inc. Producer: Peter Rosenthal Animation Director: Ric Machin Concept Art: Daniel Melgarejo Animators: John Canemaker, Doug Frankel, Dan Haskett, Norma Klingler, Richard Machin, April March, Bob McKnight, Bill Plympton, Edward Rivera, Bob Scott Animation Camera: Glen Claybrook Assistant to Daniel Melgarejo: Neil Martinson Animation Editor: James Romaine Assistant Editor: Conni X Music: “Causing a Commotion” Performed by Madonna Written and Produced by Madonna and Stephen Bray

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“Say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye” | An Interview With The Animation Director Behind The WHO’S THAT GIRL Titles Sequence Who’s That Girl may not be the most memorable movie of Madonna’s career, but its main titles are unforgettable.

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