#God I hope the readmore works on mobile if not I am SO SORRY

[lexicals]

Liner notes for An Echo, An Answer

Okay let's give this a go I guess? I may add more to this if I remember things too lol

Fair warning this is an exceedingly long post. It has ~subheadings~ (ooh). These cover: 

Fun Facts

Notes about mira

Notes on actual writing/plot

Post-canon tidbits (to be supplemented by actual post-canon oneshot coming maybe not soon but definitely at some point probably)

Needless to say this contains some BIG OL’ SPOILERS. Please enjoy o:

Some general Fun Facts™:

When I posted the first few chapters of this fic, I didn't have a fucking clue where it was going. I didn't even know how kravitz died until I'd already posted like 10 chapters lmao. This was a stressful way to write and I am never doing that again

In terms of inspo, I remember there being a fic in which taako was a ghost and kravitz was a medium (if anyone knows what fic this is PLEASE tell me I cannot find it) and I think I subconsciously took inspiration from this. Also I’d already written a vampire au and I wanted more undead boyfriend shenanigans, I looove playing with the liminal aspects of kravitz being a dead-but-not-dead character

There was a goof version of this fic where kravitz wasn't from the 1900s at all and died in like. The early 2000s or something. He died having come back from/at a costume party, people assumed he was an actual ye olde victorian ghost, and he decided to just lean into it. Cue fake accent. This was scrapped mainly because I loved the ‘sleepy hollow’-esque man-out-of-time shenanigans way too much and also because I know very little about the early-2000s US but do you know what I do know a moderate amount about? 1900s england

I have not read the cask of amontillado and I did not know what it was until seeing the memes, which was after I wrote the basement body twist. I just wanted to have a cheesy secret basement behind a bookcase c'mon it's a murder mystery in an old spooky house let me have this

Anyone who's followed my content for a while probably knows that I'm a big trans kravitz stan, but I dithered over making him trans in this fic a Lot. This was mostly down to self-doubt abt a story ft. a trans man living as his preferred gender in that time period would be deemed "unrealistic" but in the end I said fuck it I want this & I think that was the correct move. Also I read a fair bit about absolute legend dr james barry & that made me a bit more confident about committing to the decision bc these people did exist & they deserve their rep

You may notice that all of the major OCs created for this fic are women. This was an accident but also I stand by it bc I think it helps to balance out the fact that so much of the ‘screentime’ is being dominated by the male leads (inc. angus, who probably has the 3rd most screentime after taako & krav). They’re also all just, absolutely indomitable people. I have a type when it comes to OCs. Speaking of:

Notes on mira:

Mira was very much a character created to serve a purpose, but she ended up becoming a lot more than that and I'm glad people warmed up to her while reading as much as I did while writing. She wasn't going to have anywhere near as much screen time initially as she did in the end but I just loved her & how her relationship with kravitz turned out so much that I ended up writing a bunch of snippets with the two of them just for me, which eventually turned into the fragment chapters because I wanted to share how gd cute they were. Also they ended up being pretty useful for plot too lol

She and flossy were actually kind of the same character to begin with, being kravitz's best friend who he lived with in a kind of lavender marriage with neither of them interested in the other but being happy enough being friends & pretending. I scrapped this pretty early for a lot of reasons but she was still the cause of his death in that version, whether or not she actively killed him. I think there was a gambling debts element at some point

Whatever iteration of the story, she was always going to be the cause of death. I ruled out actual murder pretty early on because I didn't want to tell a story about a gay, black trans man getting murdered in cold blood in his own home, which in a ghost story only really leaves manslaughter, and an accidental killing by a loved one was an idea that followed pretty hot on the heels of that decision - it's very sad, but there's no hatred behind it, so it's not too outright depressing for what is most likely an audience with a high population of marginalised people. That bittersweetness of tone - sad events, but almost always with loving intentions behind or around them - ended up being a real touchstone for the story as a whole

In terms of post-canon content for her, or I guess just stuff that wasn't mentioned in-fic lol, my idea of how her life played out is that she was a pretty solid pillar of her community for a very long time. She took what kravitz said about thinking about what she wanted to add to the world very much to heart, and her answer was for her to be to as many kids and vulnerable people as possible what kravitz was to her. Obviously in the end she poured a lot of herself into helping others out of guilt for having killed a man who she likely remembered a little rose-tinted, but the intent was always there before that too

I don't know how much this came across in the actual text but mira is mixed race (Black/white), though she is Black-coded in terms of how people see and respond to her (please tell me if I’m using these terms incorrectly). I downplayed a lot of the racial elements of this fic bc I don’t feel like it’s my place as a white writer to delve into those areas, but it is an element of her story that ties into anti-miscegenation laws and general societal attitudes and I didn’t just want to entirely gloss over those aspects, bc that wouldn’t be right of me either, so I can only hope the balance ended up working here, and for kravitz’s story too. I did a lot of the writing for mira’s story before even really thinking about this angle which is something I’ve learnt from now bc oh boy should I have thought about it sooner lmao........

Anyway. I love her. I’m very glad that other people love her too

In terms of story writing:

I used to watch A LOT of crime dramas when I was younger, and got so familiar with the structure of them that I used to predict who the killer was going to be about a quarter of the way into them almost every time. Most of the time the killer is someone introduced early on as someone fairly innocuous, but still notable, before the narrative doubles down on a red herring suspect who's proven innocent about 3/4 of the way through, paving the way for the real twist killer. You see where I took my base structure from here

So, mira is introduced early on as someone important to kravitz, who was involved in his life (& death) somehow, but in general she's more suggested to be a victim than a culprit - because of course she is, she’s a child and she loves him! I'm only just realising now that this is a "person of interest" style plot twist here. (Remember what I said about the crime dramas? Just so many of them.) But then in the end she suffered just as much as anyone else, so I guess you could say she's both a victim and a culprit, even by accident.......

Structurally I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. In my head (BECAUSE OH BOY I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THIS DOWN! Or at least not in a coherent way) the story was split into three mini arcs - the enemies section ending with the kitchen blowout, the friends section ending with the the bay window scene, and the lovers section which covers the rest of the fic. This ended up integrating really well with the main mysteries/pulls of the story - the first being the will-they-won't-they (they will, it’s fanfiction, but how?) of the romance element, and then once that's tapering off starting to dig more into the murder mystery element, which had been more of a subplot up until then, while the romance moves onto the back burner a little bit. The dual genre was an interesting challenge to try to balance and I think it turned out pretty well!

While I'm on this, setting up my breadcrumb trails for the plot twists was simultaneously very stressful and very rewarding. Trying to keep things obvious enough to be noted but subtle enough not to give the whole game away? Gave me so many headaches lmao. I actually thought for sure that some people would twig about the body in the cellar sooner than ch42, but then actually in ch42 way more people picked up on fisher's sniffing around than I expected. Clues are hard!! But at the same time seeing the handful of people who called mira as an adoptive daughter, or the fact that krav fell down the stairs, or the fact that mira's og parents were involved was very cool and it made me very happy to see people picking up the little stuff and putting it together

QUITE A FEW PEOPLE SAID NICE THINGS TO ME ABOUT HOW CLEVER THE PIANO TUNING ANGLE WAS. I CANNOT TAKE COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THIS. IT WAS A PLOT HOLE THAT I SUDDENLY REGISTERED OUT OF NOWHERE WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER & THEN ENDED UP WORKING IN SO I GUESS IT TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST & MADE ME LOOK VERY SMART BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Something else that a couple of people have noted & that I only realised in the process of writing was the fact that a lot of kravitz's ghostliness in this fic has the potential to be read as an allegory for chronic illness/disability. This was something I only caught onto myself while I was writing the scene on the porch at the end of ch42 when I was writing kravitz's dialogue and was like..... oh shit that's a thing huh. Bc he is, y'know, quite literally housebound and limited in what he can do in a lot of ways, which is part of the reason I really tried to hammer home in that chapter that even though the fic ends with him being 'cured' (because that ending was always the intention from day one before I ever thought about this reading), they would have been happy together regardless. Love is not conditional!

Post-canon thoughts:

Taako and kravitz go into the house. Kravitz says oh my god what is that smell. Taako says he made blueberry pie earlier. Kravitz says okay we're putting bedroom fun times on hold I need that RIGHT NOW

Kravitz eats way too much too fast and spends the rest of the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a horrible stomach ache. He is not used to that much rich food. Taako is not impressed with this

He rolls his eyes and they watch a movie and talk instead and get to the bedroom fun times later

On the topic of food you Know krav ends up with a bit of a tummy from taako spoiling him. He looks & feels great and taako loves how comfy he is

Also on the topic of bodies I think krav does a lot of experimenting initially with what feels good now that he has a lot more freedom in presentation. He likes to mess with his hair a lot. Dresses and skirts are still a bad feel but a little makeup is fun sometimes. Kravitz living his best undeath 2k18 (I took so long to finish this fic it’s set 2 years ago now lmaoooo)

Kravitz lets taako drive him somewhere exactly Once before vowing NEVER AGAIN taako's driving privileges are REVOKED kravitz is going to get magnus to teach him to drive instead.

Taako says what the hell are you gonna do if you get pulled over you are a hundred and thirty and also dead you can't get a license. (He could get him a fake one, but he's not going to, because he's being petty about kravitz insulting his driving.) Kravitz says fine show me yours then. Taako says no but kravitz steals it anyway. A minute later he’s produced his own undoubtedly fake license out of nowhere complete with a fake DOB and a very nice picture

Taako says gasp kravitz that's ILLEGAL. Also you know you have to make this picture worse if you want it to be convincing right

Kravitz starts giving angus music lessons. Angus isn’t a natural by any means but he works hard and that gets him a long way

OH ACTUALLY I SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SMTH ABOUT THE REUNIONS HUH. GINNY THESE ARE FOR YOU:

Maybe it's weird to start with barry but the poor man has to have a sit down. He has so many questions. Kravitz what is the afterlife like it's fine you can tell him just give him a hint please and also can he maybe get like. A blood sample or something. No that's not weird it's for science what are you talking about taako bring him back

Kravitz is fully expecting lup to wreck his shit, and she acts like she's going to right up until she's close enough to give him a big ol hug instead. She says she missed him a lot & that he's much nicer to hug now that he's not a freezy boy, and kravitz goes ;_;

It's a very tight hug though. In some ways it is still a punishment

Also could he maybe hook her up with this death goddess of his? Lup would like to be immortal too, kravitz. Kravitz can you get a resume to your boss and could you write lup a reference while you're at it

Angus!! He’s so happy to have his other uncle back!! There’s a new caleb cleveland book he needs to read so they can talk about it!! All of this after a lot of crying and hugging.

I think at some point they do go over to visit mira’s descendants. Taako says hi remember me? I brought my boyfriend to visit! Unnamed great great grandchild #1 is like um he looks kind of familiar. Kravitz says well yes there is kind of a reason for that and it’s because I’m in that picture on the wall over there, hi I’m your great great grandfather nice to meet you

The family is a little weirded out by this at first but eventually they’re like. Well alright I guess do you want a coffee

Kravitz says yes please god do you know how many people keep offering me tea

He babysits for the youngest ones sometimes. The kids love him and the adults are happy to give him stories in exchange for his time, seeing as that’s all he asks for

Taako says ask them for money and contribute to this household kravitz. Kravitz says absolutely not they’re family and you’re already getting my youtube ad revenue

Yes kravitz has a youtube channel and is also very involved in the local music scene. He can’t do anything that would technically be classed as interfering with the flow of the living world but no-one said he can’t anonymously share some of his music here and there

Johann gets him a gig conducting for his orchestra every now and then. Kravitz is fucking ecstatic and finally gets to conduct some of his own pieces in front of an audience. Maybe they actually get to that biography johann mentioned at some point. Idk I haven’t thought about that part too much

Okay I wrote WAY more than I meant to here but I hope at least some of it was interesting and feel free to ask me questions if there are elements I’ve missed off of here that you want to hear more about! (Bearing in mind some of the answers may be “actual post canon content coming soon/later” lol.) As you can tell I have a lot of things to say about this fic & I’m always more than happy to hear that people are interested!! o:

#wastepaper basket #an echo an answer #God I hope the readmore works on mobile if not I am SO SORRY

[pkmndaisuki]

god i have been out of it today. so tired, lost track of time, just not great. i guess life just hit me like a semi.

(long rant incoming, and i forget how to put a readmore on mobile, sorry.)

i'm finally gonna be free of my shit retail job this week, but it's bittersweet since i liked the people i worked with and some of the regulars. hated the corporate side of things and the inordinant amount of pressure put on me so i needed to gtfo.

the apartment hunt for a new place is not going well as i'd hoped it would. one place rejected us for making too much (granted it was an income-restricted place but they were taking into account mom's retirement fund that we weren't even drawing from), another place rejected us from making too little (places around here ask for your income to be 3x rent, which i guess makes sense so tenants have a cushion so they're less likely to fall behind but still). so we're likely gonna be stuck in a 6mo lease in an apartment they won't send maintenance too since it's one of the older units and management just wants to update it, but we'll still be paying a higher price per month which fucking sucks. the company has a 1 star rating on the better business bureau for a reason i guess.

my mom and cousin-in-law have also been talking about helping me apply for disability benefits thanks to my anxiety and neurodivergence, which on the one hand might be good to get some help for but i also am so scared that if it goes through then i'd have to do a ton of hospital visits or have a limited income or so many other things i keep seeing that disabled folks have to contend with. and i don't think there's any going back from that.

and to top it all off, tomorrow (the 15th) is the anniversary of my dad's death. it's been 5 years but it hurts just the same.

so yeah i'm goin through it 🙃

[lavenderek]

this will be a very long post about some kids i knew in high school. it is boring, but it still frustrates me for some reason, so here it is. feel free to ignore. i REALLY hope the readmore works for mobile users. if not - sorry.

A Tale Of Two Christians so there were two SuperChristians - who i will call Daygan and Braygan - in band with me. they both had a lot of friends. i did not.  Braygan was A Cool Christian who i could see running a youth group. she played percussion and had an undyed scene haircut. Daygan was a My Family Thinks Tattoos, Makeup, and Piercings Are Offensive And We Never Cut Our Hair Christian. she played the tuba and wrote poetry.

anyway so they were both cold and rude to me me all four years.

The Genesis: Braygan And The Legend Of The Ill-Fated Chuck Norris Joke It All Started when my parents literally made me go to a band social before the school year started. i was terrified. i was very shy and i was a teenager. i do not remember how, but i managed to enter a conversation with three band kids, one of whom was braygan. we were talking about jokes. i had recently read a Chuck Norris joke. i timidly told this joke for the following reasons: A. they were very popular online in 2006, so i thought it would be a hit. B. i was 15 and didn’t know any better. C. i had read it in a book owned by my friend’s dad, so if dads were into it it must be ok. i did not realize braygan was A Christian, so it took me like a year to understand why she snapped, “that’s not funny.” and glared at me. i was so shocked and humiliated that i remember i could feel the tears spring to my eyes. i went quiet, and the other two kids standing with us went quiet, and i learned never to try to make friends again, and braygan and i never spoke again. it was a beautiful tale of human connection.

Interlude: Braygan Some More braygan would always make a point of ignoring me, which was understandable as i had evidently made such a poor impression that she thought i was unchangeable and could never be forgiven. and it’s not like i was super jazzed to hang out with a person who could be so mean just because i told her a joke she didn’t think was funny. i was always perplexed as to how such a nasty person had so many friends and could only conclude that the nastiness was exclusive to me for some reason. like holy shit dude, it was a chuck norris joke, one that i never told again lmao. maybe chuck norris killed her dad or something.

I Sort Of Gave A Damn About My Reputation: Daygan i mostly did not encounter braygan most of the time, thankfully. daygan was a different case for the following reasons: A. she was friends with a pretty good amount of my friends. B. we had band and pep band together. C. we had english together. D. we always had the same lunch for some reason. daygan seemed to have the same opinion of me as braygan, presumably because they became very close and braygan warned her of my inclinations. i can only assume this because i was never introduced to daygan. i knew of her for the above reasons, but i think i physically talked to her maybe once in four years. like, for real.

The Poms Hated Us: Spirit Contests i said previously we were in pep band. (no, i was not popular in high school.) when we played at football games, our band leader, ben, would make us do “spirit contests,” in which whatever section of the band cheered the loudest was rewarded. typically the reward was each of us got a Sobe when we got back to school afterwards. one night my section won. it was the only time my section won. reasons we never won: A. it was 100% girls. B. me excluded, the section was mostly friends with each other. C. i didn’t try very hard most of the time. D. since graduating i have learned from The Internet that there is a generally negative opinion of people who play the flute. maybe if i had had friends in band i would have known about this. but we were chosen by ben that night. frankly, i do think we had earned it: if there is one thing you must know about flutes and piccolos, it’s that they take a fuckin shredded diaphragm to play. we were good at projecting. daygan respectfully disagreed, by which i mean she was extremely distressed by ben giving us Sobes. she and her entire section had an actual tantrum in the bus on the way back. daygan shouted that the decision was “baloney.” (good christians don’t cuss.) their argument: A. they couldn’t hear us very well, and so we must have been quiet. B. our voices weren’t hoarse. her voice was hoarse, and so she must have yelled harder. C. ben’s little sister was in the flute section, and so he must have been catering to her. reasons those arguments do not carry water: A. sound travels in waves. if one is outside and surrounded by loud noise, the voice of a person standing in front of you and facing away may sound very quiet to you. B. we consulted the kids who were also in choir or drama and they confirmed that there are ways to project without damaging your voice in two hours. involving the diaphragm. C. it was literally one time, and ben and his sister weren’t like, friends at school. they were just siblings and happened to share an extracurricular activity. reasons we gave up defending ourselves and just watched daygan and her friends have a meltdown: A. they would shout over us when we spoke. B. they did not believe us. C. the arguments did come across as excuses coming from us. ben did not recant his decision and daygan literally looked at me with complete hatred in her eyes before turning away. we had this long conversation: me: ok. if you want the Sobe this bad, you can have mine. her: (snort) she and the rest of the brass section continued to very loudly discuss how ridiculous this decision was for like, half an hour. like imagine being this upset about the intricate politics of pep band. my god. it was very disturbing. i had hoped this would damage her reputation, but it didn’t seem to in any longterm way.

Interlude: Concert Wear I was also in the wind ensemble. there were three levels of band: beginner, symphonic, and wind ensemble. we would have concerts every few months. we had a uniform for formal concert wear. for girls, this was a conservative floor length black gown. i didn’t mind it, but i was the only one who didn’t mind it. i have bad taste i guess. we were asked to wear black shoes with it. colorful footwear was discouraged.

Other Interlude: My Fashion ask anyone who knew me in high school. my sense of fashion wasn’t great. i basically only owned striped knee socks. i thought they made me fun and unique.

Footwear: Return Of Braygan so it was wintertime, a year after The Big Hissy Fit. i had finally made a band friend, just because she was one of those people who was nice to everyone. she and i were both cold all the time, and decided we would wear socks during the concert. you could only see if we lifted the skirt to walk, so it was our quirky secret. she wore normal person socks. i wore red stripey socks. after the concert, we were heading down the hall to the band room so we could put our flutes away and collect our backpacks and coats. the hall was empty except for braygan and daygan. they stopped talking and watched as we passed them. i just ignored them. we are both allowed to use the hallway. my band friend was friends with them also, as most people were, so this happened: daygan: (elevators me) nice socks. Band Friend: (thinking daygan is teasing her in a friendly way) haha thanks! our feet get cold :) me: (i pretended not to hear daygan. at least this way she’s coming across as a person who jokes with her friend rather than a person who is physically unable to be civil.

Where Is My App To Build A Wall Between Me And Daygan none of their friends talked to me either. i wasn’t great socially, but i also assume they shared their opinion of me with their friends, as anyone would. i never did this. it’s not because i’m a saint, it’s because all my friends either were also friends with her or didn’t know her. to know daygan was to love daygan. but this doesn’t change the fact that i never talked badly about her behind her back. i rode the bus with a girl who had the same last name as daygan, which i never really questioned. it wasn’t a super common last name, i just didn’t think about it. one day late in my senior year, everyone was at a school event and this girl ran up to me. her: have you seen daygan? me: nope sorry her: haha aren’t you in band together? me: yeah but we’re not friends. she’s kind of a jerk to me actually her: um... she’s my cousin. me: oh huh cool! she’s still a jerk to me. this was not an exciting event. it’s just a thing that happened. i do not care that you are cousins. she’s mean to me. The Confusion That Would Never Fully Go Away we had graduated and it was the summer before we started college. i was hanging out with some friends. somehow the topic of daygan came up. one of my friends was in AP classes with her all 4 years and they were friendly. the reason i am still annoyed about this to this day is because of what he said to me that summer afternoon in the grass. him: oh yeah i was talking to daygan the other day! she said she always wanted to be friends with you. me, internally: ????????????????????????????? me, externally: ????????????????????????????? i explained to him that she had only ever been cold to me, that she avoided eye contact unless it was time to glare into my eyes and will my head to expand and pop like a marshmallow in a microwave. i explained to him my violently smacked down attempt to befriend braygan when we were 15. i explained to him that daygan’s alleged words were perplexing and did not fit with her actions. him: that... is so. weird. i have never seen them act like that. daygan’s always really nice. me, bummed out: cool FAQ maybe she didn’t like you because you make fun of christians. i didn’t used to make fun of christians. i was raised christian. maybe you were misinterpreting what was happening. always possible, if it weren’t for the fact that i was wide-eyed and bewildered for several years until i just got stoical about it. maybe you should have tried again to befriend her. the lesson of braygan was a hard one. and the sight of me seemed to make her very angry. i figured it would be better for both of us if i just tried to stay out of her way. maybe your friend could have asked daygan for you. maybe. but we had already graduated. and besides, i don’t think he completely believed me. would you even have wanted to be friends with her? probably not. rejection still sucks, though. my moment with braygan is my own theory. it’s just that if it wasn’t that, i have no idea what i could have done to warrant this longterm behavior from someone who, by all accounts, was the mother theresa of wind ensemble. maybe someday she will message me on facebook or something and tell me what was going on, because i cannot tell you how perplexing and hurtful it was at the time. the end.

#long post #diary post

[thegeminisage]

me: wow, the time until march 29th is just crawling by, whatever will i do to make the hours go by faster my mother:

god i hope this readmore works sorry if you’re on mobile

so anyway i got a phone call outta nowhere from my mom and she was crying and shit like "liz liz baby you gotta come help me i'm in SO much trouble" and i about had a stroke because i thought she was seriously fucked up, like had to call an ambulance fucked up, but no,

she locked her keys in her car

so i get a slim jim from the house that one of her buddies gave her and she's like "hurry hurry my coat is in the car i am so cold i haven't had anything to drink in like an hour" and i am like "would you like me to bring you another coat or something to drink perhaps" and she was like "NO just come HELP me" so i went to help her

i got there and i was like "ok so do you know how to use a slim jim, did you google it while i was on my way over" and she was like "nope no idea give me that" and stuck it in her door and started sawing it around and BIT MY HEAD OFF when i was like "maybe don't do that" bc i didnt want her to fuck up the door

i kept trying to read up on the internet how to unlock a car door with a slim jim but i kept getting interrupted because she asked literally every single person who walked by us if they knew anybody who knew how to use a slim jim (all while sawing away at the door) and one guy was like “you need a wedge” and i was like “yeah i used a wedge last time this happened hey mom do you want me to run home and get the wedge” and she was like “NO don’t leave me” so i didn’t leave her

and then one lady was like "my husband knows how to do that but he's outta town" so she FACETIMED him and tried to follow his instructions but unfortunately for us she dropped the slim jim IN the car door basically immediately

at which point my mother started HYPERVENTILATING and the poor lady, who was probably just trying to go on about her day unaccosted, felt so terrible that she decided she'd stay and wait with us until her brother-in-law showed up because he apparently had the tools and know-how to get it open

while waiting my mother PHONED THE POLICE (leaving me to make awkward smalltalk with this stranger) to see if they could send someone out to help her despite this lady being like "he's on his way he's gonna be here in like 10 minutes he just lives up the road" and the police said they'd send somebody but it could be a really long time because there were two really bad wrecks in town right now

the lady's brother-in-law arrived and he had two or three ways he tries to get the door open and the whole time my little 5ft nothing 53yo southern mama was holding the flashlight going "alllllmost oh oh it's so close OH no you missed OH WAIT RIGHT THERE IT'S RIGHT THERE" and he literally couldn't hold the tools because he kept laughing, in spite of his best efforts

and every time he went to get a new tool from his truck she would try to touch the old ones and i had to repeatedly tell her to leave them where he left them

and when he finally got it open she was like at top volume "THANK YOU I THINK I LOVE YOU" and she offered to pay him but he politely declined - still trying very hard not to laugh

and anyway the slim jim is still stuck in the passenger's door and you can hear it rattle when the door opens and shuts

and my mom is getting a spare key made TOMORROW or so help me

#personal #not to air my mama's dirty laundry on a blog with like a thousand followers but holy shit #she completely lost her mind and it's not even like this is the first time #she does this once or twice a year actually #i'm getting better and better at being able to just do it myself but i'm no professional #she's never allowed to talk to me about my anxiety ever again #at least i have years and years of practice of keeping a cool head when i'm dying on the inside

[grammaticalmustaches]

I'd put a read more here if I knew how to do that on mobile but bc I can't I'm sorry but what follows is a long rambly personal that I'm not going to edit or reread or tag! So keep scrolling if u don't want that!

~~~~ pretend readmore ~~~~~

My mom used to be the most important person in my life. Mostly in a bad way, I'd spend days thinking about what she thought and what she felt and what she was going to do. But even then she meant the most to me, just not in a positive way. And most of the time I knew she didn't like me and wasn't thinking about me as much, but I knew I was important to her, in the same way she was important to me.

Since I've moved out we've had three phone calls and exchanged less than ten text messages. That's one phone call for every month I've been out. We used to talk every day. Up until the day i moved out I knew every detail of who she had talked to every day and how she felt about it. I knew everything going on in her life. Yesterday she texted me a picture of my little brother captions '8th grade graduation!' I thought that was next month, I didn't even know it was coming. I don't know what they've done in the last three months. My mom started a new job. My brother graduated 8th grade.

I don't wish we talked more! I'm stressed that this dramatic lack of talking more with snap forward into her calling every day or, god, I was so so careful not to give her my address because im afraid if she had it she would just!!! Come!!!! Just come and move me out, like she did before!!!! Sometimes I park a street away or down the block because I just get Convinced that she's Here and she's gonna see my car and find out where I live!!! It's so fucking irrational and I'm fucking glad we're not talking more!!!!

But!!! She was So Important to me!!! I was So Important to her!!!!

How does a connection like that just stop? How can it just Be There and then just fucking!!! NOT Be There!!!! How did we both just turn off the part of our brains and lives that had been digging their claws and teeth into each other for Years!!! How do you turn off a motherhood??? How do you stop being someone's child???

How can conncetions feel like the only true thing in the world when they're strong!!! How!!! When they can just!!! Vanish!!!

Babies don't have object permanence but they grow out of it. When do we grow into person permanence? When do we start remembering people are still here when they stop being? When do we stop?

How do you let yourself love someone when you know it can just be turned off? Not dramatically, but some day you could just wake up and realize you don't remember the last time you spoke. Or thought about them. Not because something happened, but just because one day one of you decided not to reach out. And you both just. Kept not reaching.

My mom was the last family member I still spoke to. Not because of anything dramatic, we all five were living together, but just because. We stopped one day. I learned my sense of humor from my dad, I wanted to be the kind of man he was when I grew up, I made him sit in front of me every time I went on a playground because I loved the monkey bars but I was afraid of falling and I knew if my dad was there he wouldn't let me fall. How did that go away? That was huge, I was a child and I had such a small world and he was most of it. How does that just drain away?

My family used to joke that my little brother had three parents, mom dad and me, I loved him so fucking much it used to make me cry, I'd just break down thinking about how much I loved this little dude and how important he was to me. He graduated eight grade! I didn't know it was happening! I only hear about him through my mom! I don't know him. Not at all. And he doesn't know me.

I used to think the term 'best friend' was a more serious bond than marriage. I thought it was the strongest bond you could choose to have with someone. I used to regularly try to think of something I wasn't willing to do for my best friend and the only stumpers were 'what if she needed something to survive but was asking me not to and would feel horrible if I did do it?' and even then I was like 'well I certainly hope I'd be strong enough to still do it, even if she started crying.'

There are six people in this world I have called best friend. I have run myself through the list of things I'd be willing to do for them every time. Every one of them I swore to myself and the world and to them that we were the kind of love that grew old together.

I'm only still talking to one.

Its just scary! Terrifying! How can a love that presses so hard for so long not leave more of an imprint!!!

How! Can people! Just Leave your life! As if they weren't there! As if you hadn't been defining and defending and Loving this person! To the point it was a character trait! How can someone shape you without leaving the shape of themselves behind!!!

I'm really scared my best friend is going to start drifting.

Because, I mean, you can lose anything by just not picking it up. And we're both busy and stressed, and our schedules don't overlap well, and we just aren't talking as much. And I can't talk much either but that's the problem!!! I don't want a mutual drift but I can't change it because!!! They need time to do their shit and I need time for mine! So there's mutually no time! Which is the problem!

I feel like I'm being too clingy and, like trying to chain them to me, like I don't want them to be going out and making friends and working on their homework, I want to be their focus and I want them to be saying oh I'm so busy it sucks bc I miss you so much or like, I'm so excited for this to be over and for us to live together

And that's not how I want to be! I don't like or jive with any of that! I spent fucking years at this point Wishing Desperately that I could do anything to help them get out and make friends where they were!!!

I guess it's just with moving out and seeing something I'd defined myself by for so so so many years just vanish and watching my roommates all break up with each other and make plans to move apart after living together for so long I'm just. Extra scared. About how easily we move out of each other's lives. And how scared I am of being left behind.

Idk man :/ sometimes there's just shit that sucks :/

[femmeslash]

i dont know how to add a readmore on mobile and for that i am sorry. NDRV3 ENDGAME SPOILERS.

camellia - my destiny is in your hands

Angie takes her death much better than most. One moment she's reaching for a candle in the dark, the next she's in a stark white bed. The nurse at her bedside says things like virtual reality and killing game and live TV, but Angie takes it all in stride. If it's God's will for her to be here, then there's nothing for her to worry about.

It's been two weeks since Season 53 ended. Two weeks of therapy, of Himiko giving her dirty looks, of watching her classmates break down and cry. The only person she's really talked to has been Korekiyo, surprisingly enough - they've been sympathetic, caring, understanding. It seems they, too, were given memories of a home where they can never return.

Angie's Danganronpa-mandated therapist is Dr. Hatori, a tall woman with her hair in a bun and an assortment of stress toys on her desk. Angie takes her usual seat in the red armchair across from the therapist's desk, then grabs a stress ball and begins to roll it in her hands.

"Good afternoon, Angelie-san," the doctor says. "How are you feeling today?"

"Okay! Angie did some sketching with Gonta after group."

"That's good! Both of you have a beautiful ability. I'm glad you're still drawing."

"Mmm, it's a lot of fun for Angie, you know?"

"I see a lot of participants who reject their talent afterwards. Maybe you were an artist beforehand, too." Dr. Hatori notes something down on her steno pad. "Is there anything on your mind? I'd like to discuss a few things with you, but if there's anything you need to talk about, of course, that's priority."

"Nope! Angie's fine."

"Very well. Have you given any thought to what you'd like to do next week? When you graduate from here, I mean."

"Mmmm... nope!" Angie stretches. "Angie doesn't really know."

"Alright..." Dr. Hatori pauses for a moment. "So. We haven't been able to locate any of your emergency contacts," she says, crossing her legs. Angie squeezes the stress ball. "All wrong numbers, emails bouncing back... I mean, we think you're from the Philippines, but that's really all we have to go off."

"Oh," Angie says. Her hands feel cold all of a sudden, and she puts the stress ball back on the desk. "What does Angie do now?"

"Well, you have a few options. I can ask Team Danganronpa about sending you back to the Philippines free of charge. That might be your best option if we found any possible relatives." When Angie doesn't respond, she continues: "That's just a suggestion. If we were able to get in touch with any of your contacts, we could work with that, of course. Or you could take your prize money and stay in Japan while you get your bearings."

"Angie... has to think about it."

"Of course. I'd rather have you make an informed decision. But in my opinion, it's best to keep doing familiar things after you leave."

Angie makes a noncommittal noise, and for the rest of the session, she feels like she's floating away.

Familiar things... Well, Korekiyo is familiar. They've been a constant this whole time. Angie's even daydreamed a little about living with them, but she hasn't brought it up in their conversations. The last thing she wants is to be too overbearing on one of the only members of the class that still likes her.

After her session is over, she makes a beeline for the dorms, stopping at the room Korekiyo shares with Gonta. "Yoohoo," she singsongs. "It's Angie!"

"Come in," Korekiyo's voice replies. Angie quickly shuts the door behind her and sits down on Korekiyo's bed. "How was your therapy session?"

"Okay."

Korekiyo is nothing if not observant. "You seem distressed. Is something wrong?"

"Kinda... um, well, did Kiyo's therapist talk about going home at all?"

"A bit." Korekiyo adjusts their mask slightly. "I have been informed I am an only child, but my parents are anxious and eager to have me home. I can only hope that's true."

"Hmm..."

"Is that what's troubling you?"

"Angie's therapist said they can't find any of her emergency contacts," Angie says suddenly. "Angie doesn't remember anything, so Angie just... I dunno what to do."

"Ah. That is certainly a predicament." Korekiyo gets up from their desk and moves to sit next to Angie on the bed. "Please feel free to decline. I do not wish to make you uncomfortable. But I..." They close their eyes, as if they're searching for the words. "I do not know for sure what's outside these walls, but I promise I will be by your side, if that's... I'd like to do all I can to help you."

Angie's eyes well up, but she blinks the tears away. "Kiyo," she says.

"Yes?"

"Umm... Angie wants to. Angie's therapist says... when we leave, Angie should keep doing familiar things, since she can't go back to the island." Angie smiles bitterly. "So... can Angie... stay with Kiyo?"

"Of course," Korekiyo murmurs. "If that's what you desire, I... I would truly enjoy that."

All the tension leaves Angie's body, leaving her feeling as if she might cry. She wraps her arms around Korekiyo tightly, burying her face in their chest. "Thank you!" she says, holding them like her life depends on it. "Thank you... Angie can't wait."

(a-z flower prompts)

#ndrv3 #shinnaga #ndrv3 spoilers #korekiyo shinguuji #angie yonaga #my writing #idk if ill ever write a full fic about pregame angie so feel free to ask about that #its a good thing korks parents like angie #have i ever mentioned vr au ages? korekiyo is 19 here and angie is 20

[hiddanaplainsight]

11:35pm

I wish on mobile I could put this under a readmore. I’m just tired. So tired of not having any answers. Like. Why tf am I so messed up? Why am I the way I am? Last night was probably the lowest emotionally that I’ve been since this time last year. I’ve been battling and fighting my ass off to stay out of the hole of depression and just generally having my life fall apart again. But it’s felt like I’ve been barely keeping my head above water since October. I know I’m in a process. I know that in order to heal you have to deal with the emotions of your bullshit. But sometimes- a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like I’m going through this for a reason. Or at least I lose sight of that. A lot of the time I just feel like I’m weak and like “here we go again with the bullshit and his life falling apart again cause he’s too weak to keep it together.” I’m just tired. And I’ve been praying like “okay God take me into full restoration. I want to be healed complete of my past- I want to reach my full potential and do everything that I was put on earth to do!” So I know that I sort of asked for it in a way. Cause it wasn’t long after I said those words out loud that all this shit started surfacing about my childhood and my dad dying and my neglect, my sexuality, religion, gender conforming shit, etc. My head was above water. It wasn’t until my psychiatrist opened the door regarding my father that I started to sink. I had never spoken to anyone, in my now 24 years of life, about my dad. Not my family, not my best friends, no one. That’s been the one thing that I’ve pushed back. I’m a pretty open book when it comes to most things emotional or mental health wise. Like people can ask me anything and I’ll answer honestly and I’ve never related to people who didn’t want to talk about their feelings. I never understood why. But that was before I realized that I was doing the same and pushing my own down, and avoiding dealing with the one thing that really stuck me where it hurt. My father. So about a month or so ago my psychiatrist opened that door and for the first time I spoke about him, for real. I spoke about how I felt. And why I never spoke about him before. And I’ll admit it was the first time in all my years off and on of going to therapy that I got choked up. Anyway. So that opened the can of dumb ass bull shit feelings like the flood gates realllyyyy opened and I’ve been a mess ever since. So last night I reached a low that I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s always so weird when I hit that low. It’s like a weird sense of submission. I just have up fighting. I was just laying in my bed in complete darkness doing nothing but looking at the walls. I just couldn’t fight anymore. I’ve just been so tired of trying to pretend when I’m around other people that I hadn’t just laying in bed for two hours trying to find the emotional strength to be around other people. I’ve been so tired of fighting through my anxiety when literally everything I do- just the thought of leaving my apartment gives me anxiety. It’s like fighting against myself over EVERY SINGLE THING. Because with avoidant personality disorder part of me is telling me to hide from everything, while the other side is saying fight it so you can actually live your life! I just couldn’t pretend anymore. It was the first time in a while that I fully submitted to the feelings and laid there thinking about downing my pills, or cutting again, or smoking, or just walking out into the cold snowy night and laying in the snowbank to see how long I last. I was laying in bed thinking about how I have to leave to work at 9:30pm so I didn’t have time to cut or do anything self destructive like that at that time cause I wasn’t stupid enough to risk losing my job when it’s literally the easiest job ever. But I fully accepted that I was going to give up the charade of being okay. When I showed up at work I was fully going to live and exist in those emotions and I didn’t care who saw. And then when I finished my shift I was going to come home and cut for the first time in almost a year. It’s weird to me that like, I’m so involved with my church and the music and youth and yet I’m living like this lol. It makes me wonder how many other people have I come in contact with were putting up the same front as me? Anyway, so there’s a youth event in a city a few hours away from us in a couple weeks, and my anxious self kept freaking out about asking for time off to go, even though logically I know I have just as much right to ask for time off as any other employee but still with my boss being a male it only added to my stress. And last night when I was in those emotions I said “God I give up. I can’t ask. So if I’m supposed to go to this event, if there’s some reason you want me to be there, than I need you to step in and make a way because I don’t have it in me to fight my anxiety enough to ask. I can’t.” And not 15 minutes later does my boss message the staff group chat to inform us that he just found out from his higher ups, that we’re essentially closing for that whole weekend. So I literally didn’t even have to ask if I could go cause I’m not even working that weekend anymore! So that put me in a strange position emotionally of feeling kind of encouraged like “okay God thanks for coming through, maybe you are still looking out for me.” But also still fully being aware that all my problems and feelings are still v real and exist. So when I got home from work this morning from that night shift I didn’t feel the same as I did the night before. Idk what I felt, or still feel. It’s a mixture of a small bit of hope that maybe something will change, maybe God will intervene that weekend and it’ll get better? But also still feeling sad and empty and not wanting to do anything. But I felt different idk how else to put it. But what bothers me, is that although I didn’t feel as dead and empty as I did last night, when I got home from work, instead of using that different feeling to potentially pull myself out a little more of this emotional pit I’ve been sinking into, i instead acted as if nothing had changed. And I can’t help but question why I acted as if I still felt the exact way I did last night, this morning. Like. I came home, I went immediately and just laid in bed. And just it was as if I was searching to find that place of sadness again. Like as if I didn’t want to lose it because just because I wasn’t feeling as intense pain as I had been the night before, my problems were all still there and I needed to feel that pain still. I concerns me a bit because I refuse to become one of those people who becomes addicted to their own sadness. I refuse. I don’t have time to get stuck like that in life. If I have to feel this shit i want to feel it so I can resolve it and move forward and grow so that I can reach my full potential and purpose in life. I don’t have time to be wrapped up in a cycle like that. But idk. Idk what to think anymore. Anyway this is just me venting. Sorry for the long ass post 😅😅.

#just venting #trigger warning: #self harm #cutting #mental health #mental illness #self destructive behaviors #idk what else to tag this as

[cosleia]

Some Solo thoughts!

Under a cut because spoilers.

(Apparently readmores don’t work on mobile again? I don’t know how to fix this, I’ve done it the way you do readmores. Tumblr sucks.)

THE SPOILERS ARE AFTER THIS LINE!!!!!!!!! SCROLL PAST THIS POST TO AVOID IF YOU ARE ON MOBILE! I AM SORRY!!!!!!

So, lots of lore in this! Aurra Sing mention (killed by Beckett? I disbelieve), the obvious reference to Jabba, details about Corellia I don’t remember ever hearing before, the Empire using the Imperial March in recruitment videos lol, Scarif mention, and of course the Big Reveal of Crimson Dawn’s leader at the end. (Crimson Dawn. Get it? Because my lightsaber’s red. And also I’m red. And it’s the dawning of the age of Me.)

My god, I knew L3 was going to be my favorite character and she was, and having her be destroyed was fucking awful, and I’m glad she lives on in the Falcon’s computer (guess she’s one of the four personalities mentioned in the TLJ novel) but it’s kind of a cold comfort, and it also makes it pretty cruel of Han to take the Falcon from Lando...

HAN SHOT FIRST, at least we have established that...

I liked the whole “you’re the good guy” bit, Han trying really hard to be a scoundrel but always looking beyond himself. I also liked how his relationship with Qi’ra contrasts with the relationship he eventually has with Leia. Qi’ra has a very pragmatic and pessimistic view, and also seems to believe that once someone has been “bad” they can no longer be “good”. This drives her to continue down a dark path and push Han away. Leia, meanwhile, is not only an optimist but she demands that everyone around her be one too---that everyone be the best they can be. Make a mistake? Try again. Do better next time. I think this is part of why she and Han work; she pulls out of him the “heart of gold” that he was trying to suppress to be with Qi’ra. (This is kind of simplistic, but these aren’t complex movies. And note that this goes right along with “You have too much of your father in you, young Solo.”)

I was not as impressed with Han’s extremely minimal role in helping the other Wookiees, though I did love the way he helped Chewie to begin with.

Lando. Was. Amazing. I love him. The capes. The cheating at cards. The fucking video diary. Amazing.

Enfys Nest was a really interesting character, and I’m wondering if her group ends up with Saw Gerrera eventually. They seem more the “freedom fighter” type than the carefully organized and highly political Rebel Alliance.

Speaking of the Rebel Alliance, I was really hoping for a Cassian Andor cameo. Alas.

There were a lot of timely themes in this movie. The bit on Corellia where people weren’t allowed through a border, and children were being taken from their parents? Uh. Yeah. Also, Dryden Vos, a creepy man with power over Qi’ra. Eugh. And then there was L3′s uprising, which was incredible and wonderful.

In all, it was a pretty fun movie that added some interesting breadth to the Star Wars universe.

There were some things I didn’t like. I didn’t like Val being fridged, I didn’t like L3 being basically fridged. I was half expecting Qi’ra to be fridged too (and if they make more of these, she may yet be, sigh). Can we try to make a movie where a guy’s love interest does not die for emotional impact? This is a far lesser concern, but the beginning of the movie felt sloppy. The exposition was way too blatant. And I wasn’t really a fan of the “oh, we can’t use an opening scroll, so let’s use the other font” thing. Surely they could have established that stuff without using text.

The music was...fine? I mostly liked when John Williams’ themes came in, but they were also almost jarring because the rest of the music just sort of fades into the background. I thought Rogue One’s soundtrack sounded a lot more like Star Wars.

WELL that’s basically it, those are my thoughts. Did you guys like it?

#han solo movie #solo: a star wars story #solo spoilers #han solo movie spoilers

[cosmicevila]

Merry Christmas, @losttostardust! I am your Secret Santa for the @jjba-secret-santa swap! I’m sorry for getting this to you so close to the deadline, but December ended up being ridiculously busy! I hope you like the fic! Best wishes to you in 2018!

Edit: Fixed the GARBAGE formatting that I got with trying to post this via mobile, and added a readmore link.  Also, if you click on the title of the fic, you’ll find the song that inspired me a little, Joni Mitchell’s Come in from the Cold.

Title: Come in from the Cold

Pairing: Gappy Higashikata/Yasuho Hirose

Rating: PG

Summary: Yasuho finds Gappy alone in the snow on Christmas Eve.

The snow always fell long and hard upon Morioh in the winter, ushered in by cold winds blowing in from over the sea.  It was beautiful to look at, no doubt, but the way it buried the city and dampened its hustle and bustle made Yasuho feel at once refreshed and terribly lonely. She spent a lot of time holed up in her room in the winter, ignoring her mother as hard as possible when she did bother to check in.  However, today was a day when she just couldn’t stand being shut away any longer, and so she pulled on all of the warm clothing she could handle and set out for a walk.

Yasuho only meant to take a short walk around her block to shake off her cabin fever, but Paisley Park woke up the moment she stepped outside, and Yasuho couldn’t ignore her Stand’s call.  Her heart beat a little faster as she followed Paisley Park’s directions further and further from town, because her Stand so often led her to Josuke, and if Josuke was in trouble, then Yasuho needed to go to him.  (And if he wasn’t in trouble, well, then Yasuho needed to go to him then, too – she would never pass up a chance to see the boy she cared about so deeply.)

The snow grew deeper and the roads and sidewalks messier the further she ventured from the city, and the wind rushing in from the ocean stung her cheeks and nose.  Her eyes watered, making it difficult to see, and she pulled her jacket’s hood closer around her face to try to block some of the gale.  She sped up, hoping to find out where Paisley Park was taking her as soon as possible – and before she realized it, she had reached the Wall Eyes.  The land they surrounded was eerily quiet, and Yasuho realized that it was slightly warmer there because the strange structures blocked some of the wind.  But the tradeoff was the disquieting feeling of being watched by something that wasn’t quite human, and that chilled Yasuho right to her bones.  Still, she wandered closer at the insistence of her Stand, and suddenly she noticed a familiar tassel peeking over a snowbank.

“Josuke~?” she called, and trudged through the deep snow to the valley beyond.  And there he was, sitting on the ground without a single thread of winter clothing on, his canvas sneakers almost hidden by the snow.  She called his name again, but he still didn’t answer her.  His lips were tinged with blue, and she would have assumed that he had found a new shade of lipstick if she’d found him in any other weather.

“Josuke!  Josuke, it’s me, Yasuho!” she yelled as she finally reached him, dropping to her knees in front of him and taking his face in her wool-glove-warmed hands.  “Are you okay?”

Josuke blinked, and his lips silently formed her name.

“Yes, it’s me, Yasuho!” she cried, voice shrill with panic.  She gently shook his head and said, “What are you doing out here without a coat or anything on?  You need to get inside!”

“Yasuho-chan,” he murmured, and hot tears spilled onto his cheeks.  “It’s good to see you.”  Yasuho pulled him into a fierce hug, vigorously rubbing his back, his arms, anything.  “I had a feeling I’d see you today.”

“What?  It’s good to see you, too, but it’d be nicer if we were inside,” Yasuho stuttered, the chill from the snow she was kneeling in finally seeping through her jeans.  “You know, I had a feeling I would see you, too…  Paisley Park led me here.”  Keeping one hand over his heart, she moved on to trying to rub some warmth back into his legs.  The fabric of his sailor suit was thicker than she realized, which was a slight relief, but only a very slight one. 

Josuke dropped his head against her shoulder.  “It was so strange,” he murmured.  “The Wall Eyes were calling me, pulling my heart here, and I just walked here without a second thought.  And when I realized how cold it was and where I was, I thought, well, Yasuho-chan always finds me here, and I waited for you.  And here you are.”

“I always find you here?  What do you mean?  Paisley Park did all of the work.”

“This is where I’m from…  Where you found me.  Where I was born from the ground…”  Josuke trailed off, and Yasuho looked around.  They were sitting on the exact spot on the coastline where Yasuho had originally found Josuke, naked, alone, and unknowing; where Yasuho’s tiny world had expanded more than she’d ever dreamed it would.  And they were both called here again on this day… 

Suddenly, Yasuho’s breath left her in a gasp.  “It’s Christmas Eve,” she whispered.  She’d completely forgotten.  She didn’t have any plans – she and her friends had exchanged gifts earlier in December, and she certainly didn’t plan to give anything to her mother, even if her mother gave something to her.  Her mother would probably just leave money on the kotatsu before she went on another all-night bender with some strange, dangerous man.  That was her Christmas Eve tradition.

Christmas Eve was supposed to be a day that you spent with the ones you love.  Yasuho hadn’t celebrated it properly since she was a child because her mother’s addiction trumped whatever love she had left for her daughter.  And today, on this Christmas Eve, both she and Josuke were drawn to the same place, together.  The place where they met for the very first time.

At least the blush covering Yasuho’s face made her feel a little warmer.

“Come on, Josuke,” she said, unwinding her scarf and wrapping it around his neck, making sure that every inch of his always-exposed collarbone was covered up.  “Let’s go back to my house, where it’s warm.  I’m surprised that you haven’t already frozen solid!”  She tugged on his elbow and guided him into a standing position.

“It’s not that bad.  Soft and Wet keeps taking my cold away,” Josuke said, and, right on cue, a familiar robotic hand appeared from behind Josuke’s shoulder and touched a star-marked bubble to his cheek.  Yasuho hadn’t noticed them earlier because their translucency caused them to nearly blend in with the snow, but Josuke’s Stand’s bubbles were littered all over the snowbank.  She sighed in relief.

“Thank God for Soft and Wet,” she said.  “But this is no place to spend such a special day!  Come back to my house, warm up, and then maybe we can get dinner later.”  She tugged on his elbow again, and Josuke followed her gladly as they climbed the snowbank.

“Can we get fries?” Josuke said, a hopeful lilt to his voice.

Yasuho giggled.  “Whatever you want,” she said.  They walked along at a happy clip, humming Josuke’s large fries jingle all the way.

*****

Her house was empty, just as Yasuho suspected and hoped.  She ushered Josuke through the doorway, and, as they toed off their shoes, said, “I’ll plug in the kotatsu in a second after I get you a blanket.  I’ll warm some water for tea, too – or would you rather have coffee?”

Josuke hummed and then said, “Coffee, please.  What’s… a kotatsu?”

Yasuho blinked.  “You don’t know?  Do they not have one at the Higashikatas?”

“If they do, they haven’t said anything about it.”

“Well, here.  It’s so~ good.”  Yasuho led him by the elbow – as she’d been doing this whole time, she realized with a bit of embarrassment – into the living room, where her family’s kotatsu was set up.  Its pink flowered blanket and round black tabletop were looking worse for wear, but the heater worked just fine, and that was the important thing.  She lifted up the blanket and arranged one of the pillows, and motioned for Josuke to sit down.  “Here, sit down, and arrange the blanket however you like.  I’ll plug it in…”  Josuke settled himself underneath the blanket, and as soon as Yasuho plugged the kotatsu in, he let out a cry of surprise.  Yasuho giggled.

“It’s a warm table?!” Josuke said, sticking his hands underneath the blanket as well, and then scooting up until his forearms were covered, too.  “This is amazing~!”

“I know, right?” Yasuho said with a smile.  “Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll make it even better.”

Yasuho rushed to the kitchen to start the coffee pot, and then to her room to grab some blankets, because she’d hoarded all of them for those days when her mother was using the kotatsu and those cold, cold winter nights alone.  On her way back to the living room, she pulled a couple of oranges from the fridge, peeled them, and grabbed some napkins.  When she returned to the living room, Josuke was nowhere to be found.

Yasuho frowned.  “Josuke?” she called – but then she noticed the blanket around the kotatsu bulging strangely, and, after setting the oranges on the table and the blankets on the floor, she lifted it to find Josuke curled up underneath it.

“’S warmer under here,” Josuke mumbled. 

“I guess Soft and Wet wasn’t doing as good of a job of taking the chill away as you thought, huh?” Yasuho said.  “You should come out.  I don’t want you to burn yourself on the heater.  I have blankets for you.”

Josuke slid out from underneath the kotatsu, pouting, and as soon as he sat up, Yasuho piled every blanket she brought on his shoulders.  He pulled them around himself and retreated into them like a turtle going back into its shell, until only his sailor hat and a little bit of his curly hair was visible.  Yasuho couldn’t resist giving his shoulders a little squeeze.  “That’s better, right?” she said.  “I’ll be back – I need to pour the coffee.  Have an orange, too, if you want.  That’s also something you do at the kotatsu.”

A few minutes later, Yasuho returned with two steaming mugs of coffee and cream, and the Josuke bundle hadn’t budged.  “I’m back~” she said, and, placing one mug of coffee in front of him, sat down next to him – not too close, but not too far away.  Just the right distance for a friend to sit next to another friend.

But Josuke had other plans, and suddenly Yasuho was absorbed into the blanket pile.  She felt like her face was probably steaming with how hot it got from Josuke’s arms wrapping around her middle and his head tucked under her chin.  For one of Josuke’s impromptu hugs that he was prone to giving, it felt impossible intimate with the added layers of warmth.

“Josuke…?” she stammered, her voice barely above a squeak.

“Yasuho-chan,” he said, his voice muffled by the blankets and Yasuho’s sweater, “you’re always there when I need you the most, even when I don’t know that I need you.”

“Oh,” she breathed.  Did she?  Well, this was the second time she’d found him at the Wall Eyes, and she did come to him when he was in trouble, but…  She’d never felt like she was truly that helpful to Josuke.  Maybe she was doing better than she thought. 

She placed her hands on the arms that surrounded her, and stroked them gently with her thumbs.  “Well, I just want to help you,” she murmured.  “No matter what, I want to help you.” 

“No matter what,” Josuke murmured in reply.  “I always want to help you, too.”

Tears pricked the corners of Yasuho’s eyes, and she shifted so she was full-on holding Josuke.  “Do you want to stay with me tonight?” she blurted, and the tears suddenly fell, regret immediately replacing the sudden surge of feeling in her heart that prompted the question.  “I mean – I don’t mean like that, just – we can watch TV, we can just talk, we can play a game –”

But Josuke hugged her tighter, and laughed.  “Yeah,” he said, “I wanna stay here with you.  I want to eat oranges and sit under this amazing table all night.”

“Well, if you get tired, you can sleep between the mattresses on my bed,” she said.

“Or you can just lay on top of me right here,” Josuke mumbled, and he giggled when Yasuho choked and fell back.  Josuke snaked an arm out from underneath his cocoon, picked an orange slice, and popped it into his mouth – and when orange juice squirted from the gap between his two front teeth, Yasuho collapsed onto the floor with laughter. 

Merry Christmas, she thought.  I don’t wanna spend it with anyone but you.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #yasuho hirose #josuke higashikata #gappy higashikata #yasugap #fanfiction #jjba-secret-santa #losttostardust

[fexalted]

@asdmabel said: MULTIPLES!!! OF!!! THREE!!! MULTIPLES!!! OF!!! THREE!!! MULTIPLES!!! OF!!! THREE!!!

hahaha why am i not surprised

posting it like this bc readmores on ask posts sometimes don't work on mobile? and this is gonna get super long, so (also warning for talk of self harm / child abuse)

3 is a fic where ford, post-bill betrayal, uses the copy machine to make a clone of himself that can perform the surgery to put the metal plate in his head. it's in 2nd person (bc i'm incapable of writing anything else), and in the clone ford's pov

Ford opens an eye, squinting against the overhead light. You shut it off so he doesn't have to strain to see you, and he blinks groggily, taking in the room around him with a bleary gaze before settling on you.

You're about to tell him that the surgery went well, everything is fine, he's going to be okay, but Ford speaks before you do, shattering what little composure you have with one word.

"Stanley?" he breathes incredulously, his voice weak and cracking.

You're not sure if you have a heart anymore but you feel like it just stopped regardless. He's delusional, clearly the anesthesia hasn't worn off completely yet, and he's mistaken you for your—his—brother.

"I... I'm—" you start to explain, but stop suddenly. Ford's eyes are hazy and unfocused but hopeful, and you find you can't take that hope away so quickly. You might as well let one of you believe that Stan is actually here for you.

So you clear your throat and put on your best impression of Stan. Which, admittedly, is not very great; you're a little out of practice.

"Y-Yeah, Ford. It's me. It's Stan."

"Stanley," he says again, softer this time, more like a sigh. He reaches out for you and you flinch back, jerking your hands away instinctively before he can notice the number of fingers on them, and his face just crumples.

6 is the note of cut parts from other fics! which means i get to share the original ending i had started writing for make me believe again!! :D

...which i maybe shouldn't be so excited about, considering the subject matter, oops. in the initial draft of the fic, stan had also self-harmed in the past, and this ending was attempting to address that. i didn't get super far with it bc it was giving me some hard mood whiplash and i couldn't figure out how to fix it, but here it is anyway

"Hi, I'm Steve Pinington! Are you sick of bandages that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip Off!"

You turn to Stanley, eyebrow raised, your expression a cross between confused and amused. "Steve Pinington?"

"Look, I uh, I couldn't use my real name, okay?" he explains, rubbing the back of his neck as his face and ears turn red with embarrassment. "Anyway they're not even supposed to be playing this anymore!"

"Please tell me that mustache is fake."

"Unfortunately, it isn't."

"Oh my god," you say, unable to stop a laugh from bubbling out of you. "How is that thing real? You couldn't even grow peach fuzz when we were teenagers!"

"Yeah, well, a lot of things have changed since then, haven't they?" Stanley snaps, and your laughter dies instantly. "Sorry," he adds a second later. "Just wasn't really in a good place back then."

You bite your tongue, your heart sinking. He wasn't just embarrassed, he was uncomfortable, and you just made things worse. And right after the two of you had started to truly patch up your relationship, no less!

You guess you both have more to talk about than you thought.

And you know you shouldn't ask what kind of place he was in then, but you're concerned and you need to make things okay again and he's rubbing at his arms and if you don't ask now you never will, so—

"Stanley," you start, hesitantly. "You don't have to answer this, but... The scars, on your arms. Are they...?" You can't seem to get out the final words, but thankfully he seems to get where you're trying to go.

"Some are from fights," he says. "A lot are, actually. You make more enemies than friends when you owe money to the wrong people. But, uh, some of the scars... I made."

Your heart shatters. "Stan..."

"I stopped, though!" he says quickly, before either one of you gets too emotional. "I stopped. I've been good about it, too. It's why I don't hide 'em. Feels like it helps to see how much they're healing or somethin', I dunno. Thought it might help you to see 'em, too. To know you're not alone, y'know?"

"I think seeing them has worried me more than anything, honestly," you say. "But I appreciate the thought behind it. I'm glad you're doing better."

"Right back at ya," Stanley says.

You don't ask him why he hurt himself. You don't really need to guess.

9 is a fic about stan and his conflicting feelings about filbrick (aka, the fic where i throw all my own dad issues). it's a bit of a mess bc i rarely have the energy to write in it so let's just skip to the end where ford gives stan a hug

"It wasn't your fault," Ford says. "You were just a kid, Stan. You didn't deserve any of that, and I'm sorry."

"Oh," you choke out, and you think you're crying? Your hands are shaking and there's a lump in your throat and your vision is blurring and yep those are definitely tears on your face. "Oh," you say again. Welp, this is embarrassing. You quickly try to scrub the tears from your eyes so you can save face in front of your brother, but Ford takes your hands and pulls you into a hug instead.

"I'm sorry," Ford says again, voice wobbling slightly. "I should've stood up for you back then. I should've protected you like you always protected me."

"That's—" you sniffle against Ford's shoulder, which is rapidly becoming soaked because of you. "That's not your fault, either. You were just a kid yourself. You got your fair share of it too."

"I know," he says. "I just..."

"It's okay."

"It's really not."

You try to laugh and end up making some sort of pathetic sob, half-stifled and choked off before it can escape your throat. Another sob slips out before you can hold it back, then another, and then you're all but bawling like a baby into your brother's sweater, while Ford rubs your back in gentle circles and you cling to him with a tight, trembling grip.

and last but not least, 12 is my brain trauma au fic, which i've already sent you a very stan-focused part of, so here's a smaller, still stan-focused bit (i promise this fic is actually about ford at least half the time shdksjdk) that i am very happy with

So maybe your grip is a little too tight when you take hold of both his hands, and maybe your voice is a little too loud and panicked when you tell him to look at you and breathe, but he listens, and he looks, and he breathes. And you grab his glasses and the two scrapbooks off the nightstand, and you flip through the pages together in silence.

And by dawn, the look of blank fear in your brother's eyes has been replaced by exhaustion and guilt and shame. He slumps against you, forehead pressed to your collarbone, and through the cracks in his voice come whispered apologies—for waking you, for scaring you, for forgetting you—and you drape a protective arm around his shoulders and shush him and tell him it's alright. He remembers again, and that's all that matters.

You have weathered your first storm at sea.

#there's a lot of words in here so i hope that makes up for me not having posted any fics in nearly a year hahahah #fex replies #asdmabel

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Could you write a fic where Tony and Bucky have been through so much in getting and staying together (maybe after CW?) that they just know they're each other's one and only and forever after. So when everyone (Avengers/civilians/media) doubts them and ridicules their relationship or when 'incriminating' photos or other proof of cheating or betrayal is brought up by well-meaning friends or malicious a-holes to break them up, they shrug and say 'I trust him, he would never-', pretty please?

Sampoured himself a glass of juice and took it into the wide commonarea. He really had to stop letting Steve goad him into doing shitthat was about four levels over his actual capabilities. All hewanted now was to flop on the big couch and whine about how much hiscalves hurt.

Barneswas already there, watching some celebrity gossip show, of allthings. Sam blinked in confusion, then remembered that Stark had goneoff to Tokyo on a business trip yesterday, and Barnes hadn’t beenable to go along, because his legal status in Tokyo was still inquestion. Bucky-boo was probably hoping for a clip about his guy.

Theshow didn’t disappoint – not long after Sam collapsed onto thecouch with a grunt of greeting, it flipped to a segment on Tony’sarrival in Tokyo. The host chattered inanely over a video montage.There was Stark being greeted as he got off the plane, signingautographs in the airport, a cute shot of him posing with a kid in anIron Man costume.

Barnessighed soulfully and Sam glanced back at the TV to see Stark walkingalong a red carpet toward some event, looking even sharper thanusual. Next to Stark was a Japanese business mogul at his side with apretty girl on his arm. Damn, why did rich old guys get all thepretty ones? Barnes, of course, only had eyes for Stark.

“Youknow if you told him how much you liked it, he’d probably wear thetux for you at home,” Sam pointed out.

“It’sspecial ‘cause I don’t get to see it much,” Barnes said, whichwas a fair point.

Samwished the show host would shut up; her voice was grating. Oh, thepretty girl was the business guy’s daughter. That was a bit easierto swallow. Sam wondered if Stark was going into business with theguy, whether he could hook Sam up with an introduction. Sam closedhis eyes and stretched his aching calves again and visualized Rogersrunning into a brick wall or something else nearly as hard as hishead.

He’dprobably just go right through it. Parachutes and doors were conceptshe was still working on, apparently.

Barnes’breath hitched and Sam cracked one eye. Then he sat up, fast, becausethe TV was showing Stark dancing with the daughter. Closely. Theywere definitely not leaving any room for Jesus in there, holy shit.The girl said something, and Stark threw his head back and laughed.

Barnesmade another soft, indeterminate noise. Shit shit shit.

(Mobile readers, ‘ware the readmore!)

“Barnes,hey,” Sam tried. “It’s, I’m sure it’s not anything.” Hewasn’t sure of any such thing, actually, but Sam wasn’t gonna beable to restrain the Winter Soldier by himself, so he was stalling.“You okay, man?”

Barnesput his hands over his mouth. “Maybe.” He sounded a littleshaken. “It’s just, he’s…”

“Hey,I know, man, it’s not cool. But it doesn’t necessarily meananything.You know his rep.”

Barneswasn’t listening. “Those’re the steps we were practicingtogether, for the charity thing next month,” he murmured.

Samwinced. Jesus, Stark…

Barnessniffled, and Sam groaned inwardly. How the hell was he the onegetting stuck taking care of a heartbroken assassin? “C’mon,don’t jump to conclusions, you’ll work it out,” Sam tried.

Butthen Barnes dropped his hands, and he was… smiling?

Teary.But smiling.

“Thehell,” Sam wondered.

Barnesflashed him a grin. “He’s sayin’ hi,” he told Sam. “KnewI’d be watching, wanted me to know he was thinkin’ of me.”

Samglanced back at the TV. “Buck, I hate to say it, but are you sure?”

“SureI’m sure,” Bucky said. “You know how much we went through toget where we are? No way is he throwin’ me over for a fling.” Theshow switched to someone else and Bucky flicked it off, then fishedhis phone out of a pocket and dialed. “Hey, baby, I’m notinterrupting anything, am I? …Nah, I just saw the segment onStarshineandcouldn’t resist. That was the sweetest– Oh yeah? Hang on, lemmejust go somewhere a little more private.” Barnes winked at Sam andstrode for the elevator, still talking.

“Mornin’,gorgeous,” said Tony. Bucky looked up from his tablet and tippedhis head back so that Tony could lean in for a kiss on the way to thecoffee. “Good run?”

Buckysnorted and went back to scrolling through the news. “No suchthing,” he said, like he always did. “I only go ‘cause it’smarginally less awful than enduring Steve’s sad puppy face.”

Tonygrinned as he sat down and stole the toast from Bucky’s plate, justlike he did every morning. Bucky only bothered with a token defenseand protest. (Bucky actually made the toast, took one bite out of it,and then left the rest for Tony every morning just so Tony would eatsomething.Tony probably knew that, but as long as they didn’t mention it,then it still worked.) “I’d think you’d be immune to Steve’sface by now.”

“Thereis no immunity to that,” Bucky said reasonably. “Anyway, it nevergets old watching him challenge Sam to contests that Sam knows damnwellhecan’t win.”

Tonysnickered and brushed crumbs off his fingers. “What was it thistime?”

“Hurdles,”Bucky said. He scrolled a little further, to reveal a lurid headline.“Oh, look, you’re cheating on me again.”

“What?”Tony leaned into Bucky’s side, reading. “Oh dear, I’ve beenfound out.”

“Indeedyou have, you hussy.” Bucky delivered it deadpan and off-rhythm,like a second-grader delivering memorized lines in a school play.

“Butmy love for– Wait, who is it? I forgot to check.” Tony scrolleddown to check the article. “Oh, right. My love for Natasha cannotbe denied. An ocean to our pond.”

“Don’tworry,” Natasha told Bucky with a smirk as she came into thekitchen. “You can have him back now; I was only in it for themoney.”

Buckyfelt the smile tugging at his lips. “You betrayer,” he toldNatasha.

“That’sSultanVile Betrayertoyou,” Natasha said. “Any coffee left?”

“Mr.Stark! Mr. Stark!”

Tonyglanced up and rolled his eyes. Honestly, reporters.It was eight in the morning and the Avengers had just come off asix-hour-long battle with a pod of honest-to-god giant squids off thecoast. They were all exhausted, bruised and bloody, and covered inslime, seaweed, and other things better not considered too closely.Godforbidtheybe allowed to go back to the Tower and take showers before having toput on their public relations hats.

Still,maintaining the goodwill of the press was part of the job, so Tonyplastered on his public face and directed a well-practiced smirk intothe camera behind the woman’s shoulder. “Yes, hi, hello. There’llbe the usual post-incident news conference at the Tower; you’llwant to contact our PR office for–”

“Yessir, Mr. Stark, and our usual correspondent is already on it, but inthe meantime, since you were so valiantly defending us when themorning editions rolled out, I wanted to get your reaction to this.”She held up a newspaper – Jesus, they still madethose?– with a photo covering most of the top half.

Tonystared at the photo for several long seconds, then swiveled his headto look over at his boyfriend. “Tell me this is doctored,” hedemanded.

Buckyglanced at the paper, then looked away guiltily. “Baby–”

“Don’tyou ‘baby’ me!” Tony snapped. “How could you?”

“Comeon, Tony, it’s not that big a deal,” Bucky pleaded.

“Notthat big a deal? Dammit, you promised Icouldbe the one to let the paps catch me kissing Clint!”

Buckysighed and put his hands on Tony’s shoulders, pulling him away fromthe reporter. He glared at the camera and said quietly, “Look, theopportunity was there, and I jumped. I’m sorry. What if I let yoube the one to imply it’s a three-way, instead?”

Tonypouted at him. “Can I do it in today’s press conference?”

Bucky’sshoulders slumped. “I guess, since I didjumpthe gun on you already. Just make sure you let Clint know we’reupping the timetable.”

Tonybeamed. This was going to be epic.“You’re the best.”

“Whend’you reckon they’ll stop trying to make us have jealous fits andbreak up?”

“It’sthe press,” Tony said. “So approximately never. But most of thesemi-respectable gossip rags are starting to figure out that we’retrolling them, so pretty soon we’ll be down to just the bottomfeeders, and those are really just funny. I’m holding out for oneof having a secret affair with Bat Boy.”

“God,I love you.”

“Iknow.” Tony leaned in for a kiss, heedless of the slime.

~ @everyworldneedslove

#prompts #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #sam wilson #natasha romanov #everyworldneedslove #Anonymous

[badmagictattoos]

The original description (which, we would like to note, we cut in half for brevity) for this one is special enough to preserve as is, folks, so let’s just readmore it. Sorry, mobile guys.

Second Tattoo by OdinsEyeImages

Not the most attractive thing, but as it turned out it was working on becoming one of the most beautiful flying machines I have yet seen. Of course it was a dragonfly. It took me years of thought to realize that if there was any proof in my admittedly limited experience that there was something greater than myself at work in the universe this was a clear example of it. Call it god, geia, zhu, aum, universal conscious or the great spaghetti monster in the sky. To me it amounts to the same thing, something I can't prove is there but might be and I had one small example of what I would think a thing greater than my self my do give the bent to do so. Now there is the story and the reason behind the dragonfly. The ouroboros is one of the more ancient symbols for eternity and in a way represents my belief in life after death or that I have an eternal soul but more specifically it is a symbolic representation of the first law of thermodynamics. This is an expression of the universal law of conservation of energy. This law simply means that energy cannot be lost it can be changed from one state to another but can never be lost. So to me this means that the electrical energy my body is currently running on and makes me me will continue in one state or another after my body dies. Thus the ouroboros's guise of infinity. The double helix represents what I believe to be our greatest achievement as man during my life time. I was tempted to do something related to the space race of the 60's but that was before my time. Even still I probably would have chosen the double helix for the same reason. The zodiac signs incorporated into the dragonfly's body are representative of my two sons the first a Gemini and the second a Virgo. There is an obvious omission at the tail of the dragonfly which I have purposely had left that why for the incase that my wife and I have another child that will need to be added. This has actually had a second Virgo symbol added for my third son. There are three other symbols more "hidden" though not purposefully. The crescent in the dragonfly's wings has a double meaning. It is a symbol of the female aspect of that "force" if you will in the universe that embodies the creation aspect of things. It also is the Egyptian symbol for the god Thoth. Who in ancient Egypt was described as follows: "He was considered the heart and tongue of Ra as well as the means by which Ra's will was translated into speech. He has also been likened to the Logos of Plato and the mind of God. (see The All) In the Egyptian mythology, he has played many vital and prominent roles, including being one of the two gods (the other being Ma'at) who stood on either side of Ra's boat. He has further been involved in arbitration, magic, writing, science, and the judging of the dead." Wiki. "He can be represented as the reckoner of times and seasons by a lunar disk sitting in a crescent moon being placed atop his head." Hence the crescent and his most important attribute is that of judge or giver of justice. There is a second Egyptian symbol not meant but it was pointed out to me while I was on vacation in California. It is a stretch but not to big a one. But move the dragonfly south far enough so that the head intersects the ouroboros and you get the Ankh which is the symbol for eternal life from the older kingdoms and still used for various aspects of its self today. The last bit of expressly intended symbolism is that the dragonfly lies beneath/under the ouroboros stating my belief that science and logic are more important to myself image than my faith in something greater than my self.” Now the new tattoo and its symbolism is built on an amalgamation of those two cultures my grandparents come from. From both the Scandinavian pantheon and the Native American beliefs the Raven figures prominently. So the Scandinavians have a deity named Odin which is from an older Anglo-Saxon name Wōdin from which we get Wōdin’s-day or Wednesday. Which is from yet an older Proto Germanic name Wōdanaz. In any case he had two ravens named Huginn and Muninn, sometimes Americanized as Hugin and Munin. Wiki has this to say about them: In Norse mythology, Huginn and Muninn travel the world bearing news and information they have collected to Odin. Huginn is "thought" and Muninn is "memory". They are sent out at dawn to gather information and return in the evening. They perch on the god's shoulders and whisper the news into his ears. So they are a reminder to me that I am what I think and what I remember; hence how I started this explanation out. However I like to think that mixing in the Native American traditions also gives me perspective since the Raven as the Native Americans believe: Sometimes considered a trickster like the coyote. It is also known to be a teacher, hoarder and the mark of a shape shifter. He is creator, deity, clown, caretaker and mischief-maker; in this case he is representing a trickster and mischief-maker where the mind can play tricks on the memory changing thought. Though the teacher and shap shifter as well as other aspects bleed back to the Odin myths. Which isn’t surprising since genetically there is evidence of Caucasians in North America at least 9000 years ago, and this was likely lost sailors from the Vikings and other peoples of the northern Atlantic that where sea faring. The “upil” is made up of the rising sun and a blood moon split by a horizon line demarking a “twilight zone” which is my homage to the concept of the duality of force in the universe which has also been called yin-yang by the Chinese. However I think there is a third force not recognized by this or other duality of the universe forces. This is the balance of the two. That “twilight zone” where each force must like a glass of water seek a level point. The symbols on the ravens backs are: ODROERIR - Horn triskelion: A variation of the valknut, many believe this to represent the three cauldrons in which the sacred mead Odroerir is kept. An ancient Teutonic symbol with shamanic roots, which shows the 3 cauldrons in which is brewed the mead of poetry called Odroerir (meaning "frenzy stirrer") made from the fermented blood of the wisest of the ancient Gods, KVASIR. Holy to both the Asir and the Vanir, whomever drank of this magical mead received the gift of divine inspiration, great wisdom, esoteric knowledge and poetic eloquence of speech. And the VALKNOT: Appearing in ancient sacred images associated with Odin. The "knot of the slain" is the symbolic sign of the coming together of the powers from the 9 worlds of the universe. This is the symbol of Odin, showing his power to bind or loosen the minds and souls of man, subtly affecting the knotted web of fate as he lays bonds upon them, so that they become helpless in battle, or he could loosen the grip of fear by his gifts of intoxicating battle-madness and divine inspiration. Both of which are Odin’s symbols for obtaining and using the knowledge he paid for with the loss of one of his eyes hence my calling this the Eye of Odin or Odin’s eye. I hope this explains my reasoning behind the two tattoos I have chosen.

Sometimes, we can’t make this shit up.

#bad coloring #mix and match mythology #big black blob #fuzzy blobs of color #ugly valknuts for all #norse #egyptian #native american #terrible ideas

[lunaereum]

long vent / i’m on mobile so i apologize in advance for the lack of a readmore

i’m starting to hate being 21. everybody says that turning 18 is when you start to become an adult, which is true, sure, in legal terms. but no one warns you about the slap of adulthood that happens when you enter your 21st year of life. woo there’s legal drinking and legal weed, ok, whatever. but what im starting to realize that this age is when you start to really think about life and reflect on the good and the bad. it’s the beginning of growing up. and it fucking sucks. i’ve only been 21 for just over a month and i’ve already had a lot of internal crisises. (how tf do you spell that) and it’s been scary. i hate it. every single night i’m alone and trapped with my thoughts that won’t shut up. and being mentally ill doesn’t help at all. not to mention trump being president making things worse, but that’s for a later conversation. being 21, i’ve started to reflect on life - mostly looking back at relationships, friendships, life events, etc. and there’s patterns. you don’t realize it at first. but then you think, and you think, and you fucking THINK so hard that your head hurts, and start to compare and contrast.

i’ve put so much false hope into so many people. thinking they would stay and that i’d have an okay support system. but literally everyone has left. left, because they decided that i wasn’t worth their time anymore, and found someone new. my first best friend did it, then the next, then my ex, and the next ex, and the friends after that, and fucking everyone, okay. i feel like i tried to fight so hard for a lot of those people to stay, but they just had to leave. i was old news. one of my exes literally told me that our relationship was “getting old and they just needed to see someone new” after we had dated for three years. talk about a fucking heartbreak. i’m just… so used to abandonment, but almost too used to it, i guess. i have a deep phobia of it. i’m constantly scared that anyone that i start to grow close with will leave because it’s happened so many times. these past experiences have made me feel so fucking worthless. i’m not important. no one wants to keep and maintain relationships with me. and i feel like everyone who has left just doesn’t fucking care about how i feel, about the lasting effects of their leave. i feel like i’m unlovable. i’m not special. i’m not a good person. that’s how i fucking feel. i don’t stick in people’s brains. and it hurts so fucking badly, oh my god. another trend i’ve noticed is that people tell me that i’m an “easy target”. like…. what, am i supposed to feel fucking flattered?? because i’m not. that literally makes me feel like trash. even an old best friend told me that multiple times, and now i have coworkers telling me this. i used to brush it off, but… i don’t know. just. why??? fucking why??? people around me are constantly making jokes about me, towards me, playing off of my apparent gullibility and slow reactions. they love to make me feel dumb for their own amusement and laughs. and i don’t see those people doing that to anyone else. either that, or i’m belittled for not understanding something fast enough. that’s also a constant thing. like… sorry, i guess, that i have autism. i already get frustrated with myself enough. i don’t need you adding to that.

i don’t know. i’m in so much pain right now. i’m realizing that i’m not fucking valued and no one has faith in me. i reach out, get my hopes up, open up a little occasionally, but literally all of it is in vain. nothing ever works out. i’m constantly afraid of sharing too much because when i do it’s constantly met with weird looks or a “what the fuck?”. i feel like i have to walk on eggshells with literally everyone i meet. what if i say something too strange? what if i make a complete fucking fool of myself? what if i don’t make a good enough impression? i’m not funny, i’m not interesting, i’m… nothing. there’s so much proof of it.

what the fuck is wrong with me…?

i’m tired.

#tldr i'm extremely mentally ill and i hate myself #long post #negative #idk #i'm not looking for support messages #because while i appreciate them #there's something wrong with my brain #and i have trouble believing nice messages #i don't know how to absorb kindness because i just... don't experience it #i'm sorry #i'm sorry that i fucking exist #i'm a mess and you didn't sign up for this #feel free to unfollow me if you don't want to deal with someone this i'll on your dash #i'm so tired of crying every single night #but here i am again #no surprise

[nichester]

Chosen One, Second Chance, Arranged Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers

Hi bestie thanks for asking 💕 this got sooo long sorry but there’s no readmore on mobile ig

Chosen one! Ok so I am not against this but I think it needs to be executed REALLY well and by that I mean have thematic relevance and real thought put into this theme of fate. (Actually I think og star war does this well)

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

Second Chance omg I LOVE SECOND CHANCE ROMANCE (if that’s what you mean and not like second chances in general. Which I am also pro). I love a romance between people with a History and I love when you can get to really dig into why things didn’t work the first time and get into the details of why this time around is gonna be different (or will it??) I’m actually writing a second chance romance rn and it’s HARD mad respect to people who pull it off

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

Arranged Marriage hm. When I love it i LOVE it. When it’s not good that’s the authors fault for squandering a great premise lol

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

Friends to lovers! I love this but only when it’s good and when it’s bad it’s bad I hope this helps 😌 actually bc I can’t keep myself from sharing my opinions friends to lovers is good when it’s like these two people are a team and have a million inside jokes and eat the raisins out of each other’s cereal and tell each other everything and choose to spend all their time together but have not connected the dots to see that this is Marriage. It’s bad when it’s just some guy she knew when she was 5. I recommend reply 1997 and bottom of the ninth 2 outs for good examples of this.

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

Enemies to lovers—where’s that post thats like I gotta be careful in case op meant kylo ten in which case it’s NOT true? So yeah absolutely enemies to lovers FUCKS ITS THE BEST DYNAMIC but not if it’s kylo ren the end. I love it when it’s life or death, i love it when it’s opposing ideologies, I love it when it’s just two people who can’t stand each other over petty bullshit—love is love ❤️ (the handmaiden is probably the best enemies to lovers ever made tw warning for everything though if you want more details just lmk!)

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

#thank you so much I love love #ask games #tropes of the genre #long post

[randomstarmuffin]

[It's dumb and non productive but I am going to post this anyways. Please ignore me and my whining but it needs to be out there, if only for a little while. This is really stupid, to willfully post about my breakdown publicly, but if it tells you anything at all I really dont care right now.]

Lol dont mind me just crying in my car bc I finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist and my worst fears were realized which is that i DONT have adhd and I went and made a fool of myself being so sure about it to all these health professionals but it's so STUPID because i cant give up my laundry list of symptoms that just! Make sense! And I can't like. I cant even say anything I mean I didnt say anything and to be fair I got the depression thing confirmed which is great but I dont know. I dont know! Maybe I was so focused on ADHD being the answer because I didnt want to face up to the depression or something but I have to wait til monday to see my therapist and even then I still feel like a fool! She was taking me seriously and everything. This is probably why I didnt want to make the appointment. I got my hopes up that maybe my brain was just Like That but nope it's not and I feel like shit for thinking it was when people actually have to deal with it and I just wanted this One Thing to make sense and my stupid pride still secretly thinks I'm right and hes wrong and I just. Fuck me. I have to go to work in a few hours? Fuck. I dont want to go inside because I dont want my mom to have to deal with this even tho shed be mad if she knew I was avoiding her for this exact reason and I'm just a fucking mess. I guess I should take those prescribed drugs or something for that. Fuck. Is it unreasonable or reasonable to want a second opinion on something like that. Or is there something else that's like adhd but you're still able to correctly click a button when boxes appear on the upper part of the inside of other boxes or am I just a total fool. Fuck. On the bright side I havent been able to properly cry for myself and myself alone in a VERY long time so maybe that's a progress of some kind. I guess. God it's so STUPID I'm finally making myself take care of myself and somehow I'm still setting that process up for failure why cant I just be glad to get the antidepressants and TRY them I've been sitting here for like 20 minutes not wanting to go inside. I was fully prepared for the whole "psychiatrists arent the most personable" thing and wasnt going in with expectations that thered be a connection or to even like him but GOD DAMN excuse me for not expecting to walk out and madly avoid the guy on the sidewalk so I could safely get to my car and start crying. Its dumb because I always thought this could be the case, I guess. Like, even knowing it was probably coming, ... I dont know. I dont know. I'm sorry I'll shut up now I wish you could do readmores on mobile but I'm clearly avoiding interacting with the people I know irl so I'm just gonna leave this here so the universe knows I was alive and did in fact have feelings. I dont know. Maybe I'll delete this in a second. On the bright side I got myself to stop crying...

#normal #negative #todays energy is.... bad #and hey! there goes my last bit of desire to even attempt finishing that game for the jam #so fuck me i guess #i also have a favor halfway in progress for a friend regarding a t shirt design and i dont know what to do about it anymore #i KNEW letting myself think i was even a little right or capable of self analysis was going to fucking bite me #and yet i did it anyway #ignore me #like honestly please ignore me it was horrible enough trying to be vulnerable enough #to answer the stupid depression questionaire after he told me nope youre totally fine #idiot youre like a 4 on the not adhd scale #youre not even on the adhd scale #the fuck is your deal #shit. mayb i should yell do i need to yell #i dont wanna yell though #ugh. and he made sure to specify that the drugs he was prescribing wouldnt affect sex drive or something #like dude i dont know what to tell you thats a non issue #why he accepted the depression questionaire at face value but didnt care about the self screening adhd test i brought #im not sure #but theyre both like his specialties or whatever so #goes to show me whats up i guess #like i thought the adhd and anxiety would be bigger issues but ha. jokes #i guess at a certain point i should just accept the depression is a major problem and all so. maybe its overdue #anyway i really really hope the universe puts out a lot of good energy for everyone else since im not getting any of it #let me sponge away the bad for yall #is it fucked up if i go about the rest of my day and make sure no one notices #i dont know anymore. probably. anyway im. shutting up now

[sonocomics]

Sorry if this is a lot to ask but if you have time and dont mind, could you post all the questions azure asked and jerels answers to them? The questions are hard to read all of but i adore jerel and I'm interested in what rumors are around about him :o

Ahhhh it makes me so happy to know that ppl like my babies ;v;

There are a LOT of questions and answers (obv) so I’ll put it under a readmore. Hopefully if you’re on mobile you’re on a phone that let’s readmores work? :’D

Most of these are a lot of nonsense, but it was fun to think of them (ovo)

Whoa! Are you seriously Jerel Valdemar, prince of Valdus!?

Yes, I am Prince Jerel.

Your birthday ison the Day of Fools – do people often pull pranks on you even though it’s your birthdayand you’re a prince?

They usedto, but Riven made sure they wouldn’t after a while.

Is it true that you teach private cooking lessons butcharge an outrageously high fee?

No, if Itaught a class like that it’d be free.

Do you have six toes?

No.

Your hair’s brown – do you specialize in Earth magic?

No, Iknow an assortment of magic.

Did you really slay a dragon by yourself once?

I’ve seenone slain but it wasn’t me that did it.

Do you use dark magic too and you’re just hiding it?

I don’tuse dark magic, Riven does.

Coffee or tea?

Tea,completely.

Are you REALLY nice or are you actually amanipulative mastermind that’s pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes?

No, alsoow????

Boxers or briefs?

Ipolitely request you refrain from asking me about my underwear, thank you.

Is it true that you’ve torn the sleeves off of a coupleof your jackets because they irritated you?

I can’tdeny it.

Is your room sheep-themed?

Sadly no.

Is it true that you and your bodyguard with the pinkhair are secretly half-siblings?

Apoldaalready has six other siblings so for her sake I hope that that’s false.

Do you think you’ve ever given out candy to a demon onDemon’s Eve?

I’venever had the chance to give out candy, so no.

Is it true that you have your bodyguards killanyone who talks bad about you?

Oh Godno. …And if anyone were to do that it’d be Riven – without me saying anything.

Has your sister ever killed anyone in order to protectyou?

God Ihope not.

Are you a virgin?

Classified.

Was your sister the one behind the great Sheep Calamity5 years ago?

Alsoclassified.

Does your fatherreally have a heart shaped birthmark on his butt?

Frankly,I find it concerning that you believe I would know what my father’s butt wouldlook like.

Is the reason you’re reluctant aboutcourtship really because you’re still loyal to a lover who passed away?

Iwouldn’t let such a thing get in the way of completing my duties for the sakeof Valdus

Biggest fear?

Not beinga good ruler for the citizens.

Someone once told me that you tried to kill your fatheronce or that you were planning to – for real?

The ironyin that question is astounding.

Early bird or night owl?

Earlybird.

I heard once that you have some long lost relativesthat are hiding away – is that right?

Not thatI’m aware of.

Is it true that your sister used to be justas mean to you as she is to everyone else?

With alldue respect I’d rather not discuss that.

Are you REALLY the older sibling? I’ve heard Rivenseems more mature.

I amolder, yes.

Ideal partner?

I don’treally have anything particular in mind.

Are you an alcoholic?

No, Iactually don’t drink very much at all.

I heard you once dated a guy from Babel a few yearsago, is that true?

I don’tknow anyone in Babel very well, so no.

Are you a masochist?

No I?? amnot.

Are you dating any or all of your or yoursisters bodyguards?

That’sactually against one of our established traditions, so it’s sorta illegal.

Is it true you once had a relationship withPrincess Telia?

Youheavily overestimate my ability to romance.

Do you have a tattoo of a sheep?

I don’thave any tattoos.

Poor people have it, rich people need it. If you eatit, you die. What is it?

Nothing.

#ask #in two minds discussion #itm discussion #family mention - #death mention - #sister mention - #Anonymous