#I REMEMBER PLAYMAT CITY!! WHEN I WAS A KID MY SIBLING

[flying-alwina-esnardo]

Theme:  "Life is Spectrum"

Title: "The Unseen Battles of Mine"

       Hi! I'm sitting outside our house mesmerized by the stars, yes stars because it's 11:30 at night. I always do this because I can't sleep as if something is messing with my mind. As I  remembered all the things I've been through, I can't believe that I was able to handle all of that. I know you all want to know what I've been through and who I really am? Let's start with the day i was born into a colorful world but i have to face so many trials and sorrows in my life. In the province of Pangasinan, City of  San Carlos, it was the evening of september 19, 2004. My mom's screams could be heard echoing in our house because of the pain she felt as if her body was being torn apart,  then finally I came out from her. My body was still full of blood as I cried, "it's a girl" said the midwife. "What will you name her?" The midwife asked. My mom looked at the TV show  she used to  watch, it's called Mulawin and said the name Alwina, "I'll name her Alwina". 

       Before my mom gave birth to me, she and my dad separated, so three months later my mom left me with my grandparents because she had to work for me. Because my grandparents raised me, I am happy with them. One day, when I was just 3 years old, I was with my mom's siblings. I was surprised and happy because someone came to our house, she brought toys and food so I immediately ran and happily hugged her while shouting "sister Diana, sister Diana, sister Diana". Then after 1 week she needs to go back to work. Yes, I thought she was my sister because I didn't know that she was my mom because the parents I grew up with were my grandparents.  After a month, she got married with her boyfriend. I didn't mind it because I think she was just my sister at that time.  

       After 4 years, I was 7 years old when I found out that she was my mom. Because she took me with her where she and her husband worked and lived with my other two siblings. My mom explained to me that they are my parents. I lived for a year in La Union with them and I attended grade 1 there. But I was having a hard time adjusting and I was looking for my grandparents so mom sent me back to Panggasinan. I lived with my grandparents again and I had a happy childhood because I had a lot of friends and playmates there. But sometimes I used to cry because my mom's siblings always teased me and they always said that I was adopted and that I was just picked up from the trash. Of course I believed them,  because I was young that time and I didn't know what was true. 

       When I was 9 years old, it was december 16, 2013. My grandmother took me and we took the bus, I was very happy even though I didn't know where we were going. After more than five hours we arrived at the place where there was a lot of shouting here and there, we walked for a few minutes and we arrived at a house. I don't know whose house it was but we were made to sit inside and I just quietly listened to what they were talking about, then suddenly this man got my attention. He was just looking at me while he's crying and don't know why he's looking at me like that. He slowly walked closer to me and stretched out his two hands in front of me as if to indicate that he wanted to hug me

but I just stared at him until he spoke and said the words "my daughter, can you hug daddy?" He said while crying. I don't know what I should do, I can't understand what's happening  because I was just a 9 year old kid. I thought my parents were my grandparents but it was not then suddenly this unfamiliar man saying that he was my father. Then after a few hours my grandmother explained everything to me, I'm trying to understand everything but I'm still a kid. My grandmother left me with him, I cried but after an hour I stopped crying because he comforted me and I felt safe. It was strange that I felt comfortable with a person that I just met an hour ago. I stayed there for a week and I enjoyed playing and talking about what's happening in our lives. That was our first and last meeting. He promised that we will meet again but until now, here I am waiting for him to meet me and he never came. 

       I'm still living with my grandparents, in my high school life there were so many questions in my mind. Why did my mom and dad separated? What if they didn't? And what kind of life do I have? I think we had a happy family if they didn't break up or not. But I can't change the things that already happened. Since I  turned 13, I overthink a lot most of the time. My mom went on vacation with my siblings and her husband who I now call dad here at my grandparents' house. My step dad is kind and he treats me like his own daughter but sometimes I felt like I'm not belong with them because I was so hurt that I can't forget what my brother did to me, he pushed me and he said the words "his not your dad because you are adopted" I fell down and hit the floor because of what he did. I was about to cry but I stopped because I didn't want them to see that I was hurt by what he said, I needed to act like nothing happened even though it was so painful that I felt as if my heart had been stabbed so many times and I just ran away from them as if nothing had happened. My step dad saw everything that when I came home after I calmed myself, my brother came to me and apologized for what he did, it can be seen on his face that he just finished crying because my step dad beat him because of what he did to me. 

       In 2021, this is the year I seem to be lost. My family and my grandparents are in Cavite because they work there. In the middle of pandemic, I was left in Pangasinan because I was still studying there. My aunt lives near my house but she rarely visits me. Then suddenly, I lost interest in everything, I don't know why. I feel like I'm unwanted because I have no one at home but myself, I feel like I'm being left alone. I don't go out of the house often anymore, when I go out, I just go to my favorite palace, our back house. I go there every time the sun goes down, l will just sit in the swing while watching the beautiful and colorful sunset, all I can hear is the flowing of the river, the chirping of birds, and the rustling of leaves due to the cold wind. Feeling the cold breeze touching my skin and it's like hugging me. I couldn't sleep every night because there were so many things running on my head. I also stopped studying when I was in grade 11. I feel like I'm drowning in darkness and sadness. I tried to be happy and have fun with my friends, we always go out to drink alcohol but that's not enough because those are only temporary happiness. After that happiness, when I got home I'm still alone and I feel empty. It's gotten to the point where I have suicidal thoughts, and I tried to kill myself but I think God has a plan for me because he doesn't let me take my life, my aunt always their to stop me. Until my aunt decided to send me here to Cavite, because she thought that my life would be better here with my family, I told my aunt not to tell my parents what happened in Pangasinan because I don't want my parents to worry and have a problems about me.

      I decided to continue my studies and I promised myself that I'll do better and make my parents proud. I built a new and stronger me, now I'm here as a grade 12 student on Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School, currently living in Golden City,  Anabu II-F, Imus Cavite.  My name is Alwina A. Esnardo, 19 years old, you can call me, win  for short because no matter how difficult life's challenges are, I will try to win every battle of my life. I will keep fighting for my bright future.  I realized that I just need to face the problems and trials that God gives me with strength, love, trust and faith in every plan he made for me.  I just need to look on the brighter side of my life. I am very thankful to the people who made me feel that I am important and I am part  of their lives. I am also thankful to the new people I met and became my friends when I first entered this school, thank you because you made me feel loved and you didn't make me feel unwanted. Thank you for being part of my life and  journey. I always remember these reminders "God will not put you in that situation if you can't overcome it", and "You may lose your petals but you'll bloom again".

Output No. 1: AUTOBIOGRAPHY

[purplesurveys]

887

Numbers, Numbers Everywhere

How old are you? I turned 22 last April.

What day of the month is your birthday? It’s on the 21st. It’s exactly a week after my brother’s birthday and six days before my parents’ anniversary, so April tends to be a hectic month for us. What's the last digit of your phone number? It ends in 5.

What's your favorite number? I don’t pick a favorite number because the idea just doesn’t make sense to me. If someone asked me to pick a number though I always go with 4 just because it reminds me of Beyoncé lol How many bedrooms does your home have? It used to have three but my parents had the balcony renovated and transformed into another bedroom after they realized my siblings and I were all getting older, and that it would be the most appropriate decision to let us have our own rooms.

How many people do you live with? Four people and two dogs. How many exes do you have? I’ve only had one, but we got back together. How long is the song you're listening to? (If you have music going.) Not listening to any music right now but the last song I played a few hours ago was Thick and Thin by LANY, which is 3 minutes and 32 seconds long. What time did you wake up, today? I woke up at 8 AM. I surprised myself today because it meant I had slept for 11 hours, something I don’t remember ever being able to do lol. I was asleep by 9 PM last night because overthinking all day tired me out and also because I didn’t have my afternoon coffee. How many siblings do you have? I have two. I don’t speak to one of them. How many gaming consoles are in your home? We have three consoles that we currently use – PS4, Switch, and my siblings also recently re-unboxed our PS3 to play older games on it. We also have other consoles that we haven’t used in a while but just never thrown out – Wii, DSi, PS2, and two PSPs. How many pets do you have? I have two dogs :) Kimi’s a 12 year old half-aspin half-we never actually figured out what his other breed is, we’re thinking shih tzu? and Cooper is a three month old beagle. How many schools have you attended? Just two. I attended the same school from kindergarten to high school then I went to a different one for college. How old were you when you had your first kiss? (If you've had it.) I was 16, but was turning 17 that year. How many movies have you seen at the cinema this year? Zero. This would be a lot sadder to answer if I loved going to the cinemas, but tbh I only watch movies in the theatres like twice a year so I’m not too bothered. Still, I miss having that option. How many windows does your bedroom have? It has two big windows but each of them have six panes that I can open. How many TVs are in your home? Four. There’s one in the dining room, living room, parents’ room, and brother’s room. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t feel like getting up just to count them. I wanna say around 15-20 pairs. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Already mentioned this, but 11 hours. That’s a feat for me, considering I’ve only been getting 4-5 hours a night lately. I even wanted to sleep more, but Cooper wanted a playmate and I felt bad. How many inches long is your hair (at it's longest point)? Idk 8, 9 inches? Not good with exact measurements, but the longest it’s been was right above my waist. How many chairs are in your living room? We have an L-shaped couch that can seat five people, which is how big my family is so it’s just the right size for us. We don’t have chairs per se, though we used to a few years ago.   How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Zero. Not a fan of them. How many cell phones have you owned/had? My current one is my 8th. I’ve switched phones so much because I lost them a lot (as a kid) or I broke them a lot (as a teenager). Was never good at taking care of my valuables so my parents made sure that with my iPhone 8, it had the toughest phone case and the thickest tempered glass we could find. I still ended up ruining them both loooool but the phone is still staying strong with me, so at least that’s something. How many apps are on your cell phone? 99. How the fuck do I have that many??? I always just thought I had around 25. I need to clean up my phone, damn. How tall are you? 5′1″. How long have you lived in your current home? 12 years. What percentage is your phone's battery at right now? It’s at 33% right now. I’ve been horrible at charging it lately because I keep unplugging when it hits around 45% so I can use it wirelessly, whoops. How much your home's rent (or mortgage) each month? I’m not sure about the amount; my parents pay for the house. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. How many doors does your home have? 13. How many times did you drink (alcohol) last month? I’m not sure...maybe once or twice? I try to save up my alcohol because I only have five bottles of soju and I don’t think I’ll be getting another set soon. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. How many letters are in your first name? R-o-b-y-n, five. How many times have you been in love? Once. How many pieces of jewelry are you currently wearing? None right now and none for a while. I haven’t had a reason to wear jewelry at home. What is the age difference between you and your significant other? One month and around two weeks. We’re the same age - we went to school together and were part of the same batch. How much cash do you currently have? I have a little over ₱700. It’s the last of my school allowance, aw :( How many contacts are in your phone? A lot. I don’t think my phone has an option to view the total number. How many best friends do you have? Two. How old is your mom? 48, though she’s turning 49 in September. How old is your dad? 49. How many keys do you have (on your keyring/chain or whatever)? Just two – house and car keys. I’d put trinkets on it but I’ve lost the ones I’ve tried hooking onto my keychain.

How many keychains are attached to your keys? ^ How many video games do you own? My best guess would be 50-60. I’d say we have around 15 per console. How many monthly bills do you pay/have? We have the internet, phone, electricity, and water bills, but it’s my parents who pay for them. They also pay for the house and the cars. Until recently we also got monthly bills for our cable subscription, but my dad canceled it after he realized no one in the house watched TV anymore because we’re all on either YouTube or Netflix now. If you get an allowance, how much do you get weekly? My parents gave me ₱2000 a week in college, which would be enough to gas up my car for the next five days, feed myself in school, and have one or two nights out with friends. It used to be ₱1000 but that was super little and I used to starve myself in school, and for the longest time I had just been too shy to tell my parents to increase my allowance. If you have a job, how much do you earn (hourly)? No job yet. What is your town/city's population? (You might need to look that one up.) A little less than 780,000.

How long have you lived in the town you currently live in? More or less 20 years. We only lived in Manila until I was 1. How long have you lived in the state/province you currently live in? Again, 20 years. Manila is in a different region from where I currently reside. How long have you been with your significant other? (if taken) A little over four years. How long were you with your most recent ex? (if you have one) My only ex is also my SO, and during our first relationship we were together for eight months. How many blind dates have you been on? Zero. Not for me. How many email addresses do you have (that you use)? Three. I have two Gmails and one Outlook, but the last one I barely use anymore. How many times have you traveled outside of your home country? Three. The first was a joint vacation to Singapore and Malaysia; the second was a trip to Indonesia; the third was a cruise that involved three countries, but we flied to China because that’s where the ship was stationed. How many times do you usually sneeze in a row? Four or five at most. But that doesn’t happen a lot. Usually I’d only sneeze once. What time is it right now? 5:22 PM.

#survey #surveys

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Wonder of You

Wonder of You Chapter 6- Forgotten Past Hey ya’ll!! I am SO SORRY this is so late. I legit started this like 2.5 weeks ago and things have just been massively crazy. I *HOPE* you enjoy it. There is mentions of smuttiness, but nothing insane. As always I appreciate your likes, comments and re-blogs!! Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list! Tag List: @magssteenkamp @deans-baby-momma @fandom-princess-forevermore Series Masterlist

“Mama mama!” Blake was dreaming again. This time it was like she was watching a movie. Blake watched a tiny version of herself run towards her mother’s open arms, almost black ringlets bouncing as she ran. “I missed you!!” Blake could see the sheer joy and innocence radiating out of her blue-green eyes. There weren’t a lot of memories she had of being this happy. It was like she could feel how happy the tiny version of herself was. Her mother pulled back and her matching eyes stared lovingly into her daughter’s face.

“I missed you too darling. Listen, Daddy is going to be headed out to work a job with his friend John. Do you remember John?” 5 year old Blake’s head nodded with enthusiasm. “Well, his sons are going to stay with us while John and Daddy work. Do you think you can help me with Sam?” Blake’s grin grew wide and she nodded with excitement. This would be the 3rd time the Winchester boys had joined the Fitzgerald household while John was working with her father. 

Blake was buzzing with anticipation waiting for the boys to get there. Dean was not quite 8 and Sam was just about 3. Blake was just excited to have playmates in the house with her. She had been begging her mother for a sibling but had been denied. Blake stared out the front window and squealed with delight, clapping her hands in excitement when she saw the fancy black car pull into her driveway. Her father scooped her tiny frame up in his arms and carried her outside with him.

“Well would you look at this little lady.” The warmth of John Winchester’s smile radiated toward her.

“Hi Mister Win....Win...” Blake struggled to pronounce the last name.

“Oh come on now sweetheart, I think we’re good enough friends for you to call me John.”

“Hi John.” She gave him a timid smile. His smile was like Dean’s. It made the corners of his eyes crinkle. It was something that she always found comfort in.

“Good to see you John. Thanks for coming.” 

“Good to see you too Fitz. Glad I can help” they shook hands as Blake’s bright eyes peered over John’s shoulder at the two boys in the back seat. The older boy was fussing over the younger. He must have felt her staring and when his eyes snapped up to the little girl, he beamed at her. She gave him a tiny wave. “Boys- you remember Mr. Fitzgerald and his daughter Blake.” The boys were climbing out of the car.

“Thank you for letting us stay here sir.” Dean was timid and respectful. “Anytime Dean.” Blake’s father smiled down at the two boys and ruffled Sam’s hair. “Come on in, I think Mrs. Fitz has some snacks for everyone.

“Dean...you can’t go in there.” Blake’s voice came out as a frantic whisper as he approached the door to her mother’s office.

“Why not?” Even then he was a rule breaker. Even at 7 years old he could rope her in on his shenanigans.

“We don’t go into Mommy’s office. She does important work and we could get hurt or mess something up.” Blake quoted her mother matter of factly. Dean shrugged.

“Aren’t you curious what’s in there?” Blake struggled internally between wanting to please Dean and please her mother. She gave a non-commital shrug and that was all Dean needed and he worked at picking the lock. He grinned at her when the door clicked. He opened the door and motioned for her to enter, following behind her. Blake looked around wide eyed at the collection of half used candles around the room. There were a handful of large old books on a shelf and one ancient looking book opened on a podium. The wall where the door stood looked like a detective’s wall with a map and photos connected with red string. The two of them wandered around the room hand in hand with wide eyes.

“Blake! Dean! You can’t be in here!” Her mother’s alarmed voice was getting louder the closer shegot. Once she got into the room she had Blake by the shoulders. “What have I told you about coming in here?” She shook her. “What are the rules?!” Blake didn’t often see her mother angry, but there was fury in her eyes. Little Dean felt like he was going to puke when he heard the cries coming from Blake.

“It wasn’t her fault! It was mine!” Dean jumped in, trying to pull Blake away from her mother. “I’m sorry ma’am. She told me not to! Don’t be mad at her.” She saw the guilt filling Dean’s eyes. Even as a child he had been her protector. “C’mon you two...” her mother’s calm demeanor had returned, leading them out of the room. Blake looked back in taking note of how the candles surrounded the book that was open in a perfect circle.

Blake woke with a start, rubbing her forehead. Was that a memory? She didn’t remember that day, or ever meeting the Winchester boys before John had brought her to live with them. But the dream was was familiar. Like a story you haven’t heard for a long time. She blinked and recalled the images of the room she didn’t ever remember being in. What was that? What was in there? What was her mother hiding behind that locked door. She tried to think back to her childhood. Hadn’t that door been locked with a keypad? She felt a piercing headache hit her square in the forehead. She looked over and Dean’s eyes were filled with concern. She had fallen asleep on the way to Ocean City. The smooth sailing of Baby had lulled her to sleep.

“Another nightmare?” She nodded at Dean.

“Not a nightmare...it was...different.” She watched the confusion flood his eyes. “It was like  a memory, one I don’t remember making.” Dean gave her a questioning look. “Did we spend time together when we were kids? You and Sammy spending a few days with us.  Spending time with me and my mother as our fathers went on some sort of hunt?” 

“No. I didn’t lay eyes on you until the day my father brought you home. You’re not something I would forget.” A smile ghosted Blake’s lips and she felt her heart skip a beat. “You’re 100% positive? Dean this is important.” That Dream was the key to something, she knew it was.

“Baby doll I promise you we didn’t. There’s no way I would forget that. Look, when my dad brought you home with him that night...I remember locking eyes with you and thinking two things. 1. You looked more haunted than anyone I had ever seen and 2. You had the most unique and beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I knew then I was goner, all I wanted to do was protect you and help you put yourself back together. You were broken. And I knew what being broken like that really felt like. All I wanted to do was take your pain away. And I remember it freaking me out because I had  never met you before but I knew that I’d give my life to keep you safe.”

The color had drained from Blake’s face and Dean was afraid he had said too much. But then he saw a tear slip from her eye and she tried to hide it. He cupped the side of her face as they were at a stop sign and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He felt her lean into his hand. She had been really emotional since they got back on the road. It worried him. She was always so tough and stoic growing up after she had been with them for a while. At the same time, he realized that he deep down loved it. It was easier to tell what she was thinking and what she was feeling, especially toward him. 

“Dean, I....you...” She stuttered when she was flustered and it thrilled him that he could make her feel like that. “You’ve always protected me. Even when you didn’t have to. You’ve always done what you thought I needed, even if you were wrong, even if I was pissed, I knew you were doing it for the right reasons. You did put me back together. I love your father. He really is my father too. If I couldn’t be with my daddy, there is no one else I would have rather been with. Bobby has always been wonderful to me, but John Winchester was the father I needed. But you, you were everything. You are everything to me. You’re my home. You and this car. I loved the time I had with Sam in California. We became really close, closer than we would have if we had stayed on the road. He knows me in ways that no one else does. But it wasn’t enough. It was always lacking because you weren’t there. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for going to New York. I shouldn’t have ran. And I did. I ran away from you. I was just so scared that I would mess everything up. I’m not sorry that I tried to live the life my mom wanted, because I always would have wondered but I shouldn’t have just decided. Not after that night.”

“Don’t apologize. You don’t ever have to apologize for that ever again. We both made mistakes after that night. But we’re together now and I don’t want to keep living in the past. I just want to move forward.” Blake nodded. The look in her eyes told him something was still off. “You sure you’re okay sweetheart?”

“Yeah, dreams of my mom always get to me. My mind is just messing with me. I’m okay.” She smiled at him and he pulled forward from the stop sign. The road had been dead so luckily their little confessional didn’t hold anyone up. “Go back to sleep. We still have a little over an hour.” Blake nodded and rested her head against the window, her mind firing in a million different directions.  She was feeling so much. She refrained from telling Dean the rest of her dream and about what was behind the door of her mother’s office. Dean was certain that they didn’t meet until the day her parents died, but Blake was certain they had and someone made them forget. But who...and why? She felt herself slowly loosing her train of thought until she slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

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“Come on sweetheart, wake up.” Dean whispered into Blake’s ear. She had fallen back to sleep hard. He was squatting next to her from the outside of the passenger side. He had gone in, rented a room, brought their stuff in and she had slept through all of it. He watched as she fought to open her eyes. He hated waking her up. It was the first time he’d seen her sleeping restfully in weeks. But he had gotten a room at an actual hotel where it might seem suspect if he was carrying an unconscious girl into his room. Her eyes were finally open. He could tell by her blinking she was confused. “Lets get into the room and you can continue your nap. I could use one too. Blake looked around.

“We’re at a real hotel? Not some skeevy rent by the hour place?”

“I should probably be offended by that.” Dean laughed and took her hand to help her out of the car. “I thought you deserved some time in a comfortable bed and a shower with awesome water pressure.” He kept her hand in his as he led her to their room. He gave her a sheepish look before he opened the door. She was about to ask him what was up but then saw that he had gotten them a room with one bed.

“Awfully presumptuous Winchester.” She shoved him playfully and walked into the room. Dean didn’t blush often but his cheeks were blazing. 

“I just figured we sleep in the same bed all of the time so we’d save a little money on the room. I can go change the room-“

“You’re stupid and I’m just teasing you. I heard a rumor that it’s nap time in this place.” She should have been wide awake after sleeping that much in the car but the dreams she had been having left her exhausted. She was sure Dean realized it. There wasn’t much she could hide from him. He grinned at her and shut the door. She grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom to change.

He took his shoes and button down off and slipped out of his jeans and then climbed into the bed. He felt his mouth go dry when she came out in one of his t-shirts that hit her mid thigh and what he presumed was her underwear. She climbed into the bed next to him and rolled onto her side to stare at him.

“So we’ll sleep for a while and then I really want to go to see the water and then we can hit the Board Walk for some dinner.”

“Blake we can do whatever you want. We came here for you. You lead and I’ll follow you wherever you want to go.” She moved closer and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. It was so quick he thought he imagined it. She didn’t say anything after kissing him, She simply rested her head on his chest and fell asleep to the feeling of his fingers in her hair. 

“Blake darling...you have to remember. Please remember.” Blake’s mother was pleading with her. She was pale and dead as always. They were in the woods again. This time she was pulling Blake along with her. Back towards the house in the woods.

Why do you have to come to me looking like this?” Blake cried. They were standing in her old house in the living room. The same living room she had dreamed of herself and a young Dean.

“I have to. Until you remember. It’s my punishment for what I did. Once you remember and you find it, things will be different. You’re so close.”

“Remember what?! Why can’t you just tell me? Where is Daddy?! ”

“Darling I can’t.”

“Because you made me forget? You did this? You made me forget Dean? What did you do to me? What are you? What am I? Please tell me.” Blake was sobbing. 

“Darling- I promise it will all make sense. You just have to dig deep and remember.”

“I don’t think I want to remember.”

“Don’t say that. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have done what I did. Everything is my fault”

“Why am I paying for your mistakes?”

“I’m so sorry Blake. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you.

“Mommy please!” And then she was gone and Blake was alone at the house in the woods, inches from opening the door.

Blake felt herself shake awake. Dean’s concerned face was staring down at her. It was something she was getting used to seeing upon waking up.  Dean's furrowed brow staring at her. She must have been crying in her sleep because he seemed to be wiping tears from her cheeks. She felt her stomach turn and a sharp pain in her forehead so she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

“Blake....are you okay?” Dean grimaced when he heard her getting sick. He was standing outside the bathroom door. He stepped closer and heard Blake brushing her teeth. He backed away when he heard her stepping towards the door. When she opened it, she was pale and looked terrified. “Come here.” Dean pulled her close and held her tightly to him. “Do you want to talk about it?” She shook her head no into his chest. “Let’s get out of here. Go do something fun, get your mind off of whatever is going on. You can tell me when you’re ready.” “Okay.” Was all Blake said. She could feel Dean’s concerned eyes on the back of her head while she was digging for clothes.

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Dean didn’t know what was going on in Blake’s head. She was upset a lot of the time lately. Everything with his father had shook her up, but it was more than that. It was like she was disturbed, not in the mentally ill way, but something was disturbing her peace. He had hoped bringing her to Ocean City would relax her. He was convinced her smile as they ate dinner at a restaurant on the beach was for his benefit.

She seemed to lighten up a little more as they walked down the beach. She was clad in shorts and a tank top, flip flops in her hand. He, as always, his jeans, booths and button down. She relentlessly teased him about being afraid to show his legs. He told her she showed enough leg for the both of them in her shorts. She had shoved him and laughed...almost her real laugh and squealed when he grabbed her by the waist and swung her across the beach. He was certain that her laugh right now  was genuine. They had gone down to the boardwalk to go on some rides. They had just gotten off of this Ferris Wheel contraption that spun you all the way around in a little cage and Blake had loved it. She had let out the same terrified squeal that she had on her 16th birthday and it did Dean’s heart wonders to hear it again.

“I can’t believe you don’t love that feeling!” Blake was genuinely surprised he didn’t like being tossed around in a tiny cage. She chased the high of the swoop you got in your stomach on those crazy things. He smiled down at her and cupped the side of her face.

“I love how much you love it.” She felt goosebumps cover her body the same way she always did when he looked into her eyes like that. She felt her lips tingling begging for him to kiss them, but Dean was a tease. He leaned in only to whisper in her ear. “Let’s go on the real Ferris Wheel” She nodded, not trusting her voice to respond. She felt her heart skip a beat when he slid his hand into hers to pull her along with him.

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head as they waited in line to get on the ride. Dean Winchester was the only person that could make her feel what she was feeling. Why did she keep fighting it so hard? 

She slid into the seat next to him, they were barely moving off of the ground before he was kissing her, really kissing her. She felt like her heart was going to burst she was feeling so many things, all of them for him. 

For as tough as Dean Winchester was, he was different like this, different with her. He let her see a side of him that not many saw. He let her in. She pulled away to catch her breath, resting her forehead against his.

“I didn’t want to kiss you like that with an audience.” She could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Dean-“ She started speaking but he cut her off.

“I want you. I want to be with you Blake. We’ve danced around this for so long. I can’t be with you all of the time and not actually be with you.” She pulled back and studied his face. Her hand was on his cheek and she ran her thumb over his bottom lip and then leaned forward and kissed him quickly again.

“I want to be with you too.” She let herself say it out loud. The smile that lit up Dean Winchester’s face was worth everything she ever had. They spent the rest of the night playing games and sneaking kisses. They were just Blake and Dean, nothing else weighing them down. 

As they walked back down the boardwalk to the hotel, Dean would pull her in for a heart stopping kiss only to pull away with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye as they kept walking. When they finally reached the door, Dean kissed her again as he pushed her into it, all while fumbling with the key. “Dammit” he cursed as he pulled away to focus on the lock, keeping Blake pinned between him and the door.

“I could move you know.” She teased. He stopped and saw her own smirk.

“Don’t you dare.” She felt the door behind her push open and then his lips were on hers again. She stumbled back as Dean kicked the door shut.   Before she knew what was happening Dean had her on the bed. She watched as he kicked his shoes off and threw his button down on the floor and then he was laying next to her. She turned to face him. He tucked a piece of her unruly hair behind her ear. “We can stop if you want. If it’s too fast.”

“Dean, I don’t want you to ever stop.” It was all he needed to hear before they were both giving in to the thing they had been fighting since that night on the beach. Dean's rough hands on her skin felt like coming home again. Dean being inside of her made her feel complete in ways she had forgotten she could feel. She wished she hadn't fought it for so long. Being with him felt right when so many things in their lives were going completely wrong. He made her forget the drama that was seeping in from her past. Forget her anger towards John. Her worry about Sam and his premonitions. Falling asleep in his arms gave her a false sense of security. 

"Why didn't you try harder?" Why didn't you save us?" The cries of Sam and Dean haunted and plagued her dreams for the few hours she tried to sleep. She was shocked she hadn't woken Dean up. She smiled at the peaceful look on his face. For the first time in a long time she saw the calm face of the boy she fell in love with so long ago. 

She loved him. She was in love with Dean. She hadn't outright said it, but she felt it. He hadn't outright said it, but what he said about her when he first met her, that was him being in love with her. She had to tell him, say the actual words out loud, before something happened and she didn't get the chance to.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dean woke up when he felt the sunlight hit his face. He slowly blinked until he was awake enough to realize where he was. Blake wasn’t in the bed and the bathroom was opened and dark. He slowly climbed out of bed and felt a little bit of panic fighting its way to his chest. 

On the desk was a note written in her neat printing.

  Went down to the beach before it gets busy for the day. I didn’t want to wake you. Meet me when you wake up. -B

Dean quickly got dressed and headed down to find her. There she was, dark messy hair piled on top of her head clad in a pair of leggings and the shirt he had worn the day before, big sunglasses covering her face. He stopped for a moment to appreciate her. He could tell that her demeanor from the night before had changed. He just hoped she hadn’t changed her mind. The smile she gave him when she turned assured him she hadn’t.

“Hi.” She slid over on the bench making room for him.

“Hi yourself. You okay?” She nodded. She pressed a kiss to his lips before she spoke.

“We need to call Sam. We have to meet up and safe or not, we need to find your father. He’s lying. He’s been lying since the day my parents died.”

“Lying? About what?” She could see Dean’s defenses go up, the way the always did when someone said anything against John.

“My mother and father were obviously friends of your dads. That we knew. But they were closer than he ever let on. A lot closer. I keep having dreams about my mother telling me things. But now I’m having dreams of us, when we were kids. They aren’t random dreams. They’re memories. Memories I was forced to repress or forced to forget. And if I was made to forget, so were you and Sam.”

“Who would or could do that? And why?”

“The why...I don’t know. But I am 100% certain that it was my mother that made us forget.”

“Blake-“

“Don’t Dean. We knew each other. We’ve known each other most of our lives and they took it away from us. I want to know- I need to know why and I want my memories back. Something big is coming and those memories are the key to something else that I need. I know it sounds crazy. But you have to believe me.” 

Dean pulled her sunglasses off to see her eyes they were red from crying and terror filled. “Okay Blake. I believe you. We’ll get Sam and we’ll go. We’ll get this figured out. I promise.” She nodded at him. Dean went to stand up but she grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Wait. Before we leave here and get back into the shit show that is our lives...you have to know. I have to tell you." She was nervous, Dean had no idea what was about to come out of her mouth by the production she was putting on. He gave her the time to compose herself. "Dean, I love you. I'm so in love with you. And I'm pretty sure I always have been in love with you. I'll most likely always be in love with you, regardless of what happens-" He interrupted her verbal spiral by kissing her. It was soft and sweet. When he pulled away, he kept his hand on the side of her face and stared into her eyes.

"Blake, I know you do. You've shown me in so many ways that you do. I gotta say, it's nice to hear you say it. And I love you too. Of course I love you too. There's no one else in this world that I will ever be in love with the way I'm in love with you. And all this stuff, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out the way we always do, together." She laced her pinky with his on his free hand.

"Pinky promise?" She whispered. 

"Always." He kissed her quickly again and too her hand in his after he stood. He led her back to their room to get their things together. Dean was pretty sure that whatever they were heading towards was going to change everything.

#Dean Winchester #Dean Winchester Imagine #Dean Winchester FanFiction #Dean Winchester x OC #Dean Winchester x OFC #Supernatural #Supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural one shot #Supernatural OFC #SPN #SPN Imagine #spn fanfiction #spn oc #SPN OFC #Sam Winchester x OC (Platonic) #Sam Winchester x OFC (Platonic) #John Winchester

[rosesisupposes]

The Fear of Falling Apart

Part 6 of Another Goddamn Hero Story

read on ao3

Chapter Pairings: Familial Patmas; pre-Royality

Chapter Warnings: major character death; graphic violence; child abuse; child endangerment; allusion to human experimentation; manslaughter; child death; 

Word Count:  6,371

Taglist: @residentanchor​ @royally-anxious​ @bewarethegrammarpolice​   @jemthebookworm​ @arandompasserby​  @sparkly-rainbow-salt​ @astral-eclipse​​ @thelowlysatsuma​ @monsterinatophat @turtally-pawsome @um-yes-hi-hello @idkaurl @potestessemagishomosexualitatis @hawthornshadow

please read the warnings, y’all

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If he concentrated particularly hard, Patton could dimly remember his parents. He could remember some amount of warmth, some amount of softness. He was sure they’d loved him and his little brother. But Thomas has been only one year old and Patton three when they died and the brothers Sanders entered the foster care system of Harmony City.

When he was younger, Patton spent hours and days imagining who they could have been. Were they good people? Were they supers? Had they been heroes or villains or just civilians? He would never know. The foster home didn’t release records to children in the system until they aged out, or were adopted. And now, of course, any records were long gone.

Harmony City Foster Home was pretty decent as foster homes went. The bedrooms were all airy with big windows and not too cramped - Patton and little Tommy shared with two other sibling pairs. They each had their own bed and small dresser, and were encouraged to decorate and keep their own small possessions. Pat had a stuffed Pooh Bear that had come with him from their birthplace, and Thomathy had a matching Piglet. The tiny courtyard with its spindly trees became the Hundred-Acre Wood as Pooh and Piglet rambled and ran through, joined by other children their age. Leo, three years younger than Patton but twice as energetic, bounced and leapt around the yard as if he was made of rubber and spring, just like Tigger. Brittney was Rabbit, and she and Thomas shared the bond of being only a few months apart in age. Valerie was Kanga, of an age with Pat and the best at dispersing fights as she caught everyone’s attention with her shouts. And when Dahlia and Derionna joined the home within days of each other, and both latched on immediately to Valerie, they became known through their little community as Roo and RooToo.

Their crew of Hundred Acre Woods friends were only a small fraction of the children who lived at HCFH, though. Patton loved having so many friends his age and younger, but they were part of an unusually high spike in surrendered and orphaned children. Potential parents came in every day, but with such a high volume that some categories of children were adopted more quickly than others. The infants, for families who wanted to be part of a child’s whole life, or as much as possible. The charming but calm toddlers, who weren’t too shy but didn’t overwhelm. The quiet crayon artists who didn’t run away when approached.

The Parsons, the married couple who ran the home, had long since figured out that the Sanders brothers were a package deal. Once, they’d tried to convince the boys to sleep in the dorms with children their own ages.

Once.

After the third time in one night that Patton woke in a panic, convinced that something had happened to his brother, and they realized Tommy had yet to sleep a single wink as he kept checking the room for Patton, they realized it was far wiser to keep them together, and never allow them to be split up. Patton was grateful he’d never have to watch his little Thomathy be adopted without him. He couldn’t bear to think of how scared his brother would be, going off to a strange new home with people who didn’t know his favorite nursery rhymes, or his favorite color, or the best way to hug him when he was scared. But adopting two children at once was more of a burden than many potential parents wanted, particularly when there were so many children in need.

One of Patton’s first and strongest memories of the foster home was when he was five, sitting in the courtyard after a visitation day.

“Pattypattypattypatty!” a tiny voice cried, weaving through the many children outside. Valerie came barreling around a group of glaring ten-year-olds.

“Val! Hi!” Patton yelled back, grabbing her in a hug as she reached him. Roo and RooToo swung their legs over the side of a tiny wall, and Tigger and Piglet were off trying to climb a tree again.

“I got ‘DOPTED!” their Kanga announced, voice ringing and echoing off the walls.

“YOU DID?” Patton couldn’t keep the excitement out of his voice.

“YES! Misser Jenkins! He’s my new papa!”

Patton swung her around, or tried to, but his legs weren’t quite built for carrying. They fell over on the threadbare grass, giggling.

“I’m gonna live with him, an’ Damon!” Val told Pat, her grin showing the gap in her teeth from her first lost tooth. “We’re gonna be brother and sister! And we’re adopted!”

Now the whole crew had come over, covering their friend in a puddle of affection. Dahlia was the first to run to the group of seven-year-olds to pull Damon over.

“‘Dopted?” she asked, evading the lisp that often made her too shy to speak.

The older boy smiled. Damon had never been part of the Hundred-Acre-Wood crowd, but they all knew him as an older brother already. He was tall for his age and constantly stood up for the younger kids when they got in an older kid’s way, but was always able to blend in with whatever group he ended up with.

“Yeah, it’s true,” he said, letting Dahlia tow him by the hand to their group. He smiled almost bashfully as he opened his arms to Valerie. “We’re gonna be sibs!”

She grinned and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Thomas came up besides Pat and grabbed his hand. “Does that mean you’re leaving?” he asked in a small voice.

“Yes, Tommy,” Patton answered for them. “They’re gonna leave, but they’re going home. They have a papa now. They’re gonna be siblings, just like us.”

Thomas smiled at that. “Oh! Okay. Will you come back an’ see us?”

Damon patted Valerie’s head a little awkwardly, not sure how to respond to the continued hug. “I hope so, if our new papa lets us.”

“Of course he’s gonna, they’re our friends!” Val assured him.

The Parsons eventually came to round them up, and helped Val and Damon pack over the the next two days of further visits and paperwork. At last, Pat held Thomas’ and Leo’s hands as Dahlia and Derionna clung to his legs and Brittney wrapped her arms and legs around him in a piggyback, and they all waved furiously as Val and Damon got into the car to go home. They weren’t the only children leaving that day. The semicircular driveway was filled with cars and bags, surrounded by smiling adults and children and the Parsons everywhere at once, getting papers, hugging toddlers goodbye, kissing infants’ cheeks, shaking parents’ hands, and wiping away happy tears.

It was usually the youngest who left. Parents love the idea of a baby, maybe a little toddler, but the older a child, the less likely they’d be adopted. Two children together was less likely, particularly if they were older. But when parents chose two at once, like Mr. Jenkins, they generally picked a boy and a girl. Nevermind the silliness of a binary, of course.

One of Patton’s second most detailed memories came just four months later.

They haven’t found a new Kanga, but they’d invited other children into their games. Even as they hoped that Val and Damon would get to visit soon, they still needed playmates. Patton missed Val too, but he was a bit busy at the moment.

“Cannot! ”

“Can too!”

“CanNOT!”

“Can TOO!”

“Hey!” Patton interjected, pulling Thomas and Derionna apart. “No yelling!” He imitated Miss Parson’s familiar pose, one hand on his hip and one finger shaking. It never failed to make his kiddos laugh.

“Pattyyy, she says I can’t make a new aminal for the Hundred-Acre Wood!”

“He can’t,” Derionna insisted, her fluffy hair flopping into her face as she shook her head. “You can’t jus’ make new ones! They don’t fit.”

“But I don’t wanna be just Piglet, I wanna be a turtle!”

Patton sighed, putting both hands on his newly-six-year-old hips. “Deri, Tommy wants to ‘magine. You should let him.”

“But then we won’ have a Piglet an’ we’ll have to explain why there’s a turtle an’ Teddy is a silly name for a turtle anyway!” Derionna insisted. The others were too occupied to pay attention - Brittney had discovered how to give piggyback rides and Dahlia was whooping with joy as she flew around the courtyard on his back as Leo watched, giggling.

Thomas pouted. “Why can’t I be both? It’s not like we gotta real Wood. Why can’t I be a turdle?”

“Cause it’s not part of the story,” Derionna scowled, and they were tussling, trying to push the other in the dust.

“Knock it off,” Pat insisted, pulling Thomas away. “Come on, Tommy. Stop it!”

He dragged his brother behind him, pulling him inside and away from the squabble. It was playtime on a nice day, so the halls were quiet as Patton marched Thomas to their room. If it hadn’t been so quiet, they might not have noticed the sounds coming from the Parsons’ sitting room.

The brothers peered in, seeing the flicker of a television. TV alone would have been intriguing, as it was largely forbidden to the children, but Ms. Parson was crying in her wife’s arms. It was the soft sort of cry, with just occasional hiccups, one that Patton could tell meant she’d been at it a while.

“Ms. and Miss?” he asked quietly. “Do you need extra hugs?”

Miss Parson looked up, her eyes also red. “Oh, Patton honey, shouldn’t you be outside?”

Thomas looked guiltily at the floor. “I was arguing so we came in.”

Now Ms. Parson sat up, too. “Oh, boys. I’m… I am so sorry.”

The Sanders brothers stared, confused, as she continued. “Come here. We were going to tell you all but we know you were close. Come on up.”

She muted the TV as the boys scrambled up onto the couch in between them, Thomas settling in Miss’s lap.

“You know we love you, and all the children here,” Ms. Parson started, smoothing Patton’s mess of curls. “We would never put you in harm’s way on purpose. We would never send you home to anyone we thought might even dream of hurting you.” Her fingers shook, though her voice remained even, barely.

“We… were wrong,” her wife continued. “An adopter lied, very well. Enough to get past all our checks. And we weren’t the only home fooled.”

Ms. took a deep breath. “Mr. Jenkins didn’t want to adopt children. He wanted... experiments. They caught him at it today.” She indicated the television screen. Patton turned to stare. There were superheroes on the screen. Normally he was overjoyed to see them, and he and the other children often waved to any who flew overhead. But something seemed off. Their faces were solemn, or pained, and they were outlined in the angry glow of fire. They were carrying what looked like children. But-

“He was trying to change them into supers,” Miss Parson said softly. “They don’t think he succeeded, but he… hurt them.”

Thomas was staring at the screen, transfixed. The banner read ‘Local mad scientist horrifies city with human experiments,’ as supers carried young forms with claws and fur growing at painful angles out of their skin. ‘Calls self Mystic Magician, charged with over 20 counts of child endangerment and murder.’ Other forms were covered in cloth, but oddly-shaped limbs and horns were still visible, backlit by the burning lab behind them.

Thomas spoke up quietly. “But Val and Dam’n went with Mr. Jenkins.”

Ms. Parson’s eyes spilled over again as she pulled Patton close. “Yes, love. I’m so sorry. We don’t know what happened to them yet, but we know that they were… there.”

Thomas struggled out of Miss’s lap, reaching for Patton. “Pat, they can come back now, right? You can make it better, like when I get a boo-boo?”

Patton hugged his brother, still staring at the TV footage. “I dunno, Tommy.”

Miss took a shuddering breath. “Sweeties, I… they won’t be able to come back. I… if they were lucky enough to... they would still be very hurt. They’ll go to a special school for children like them, where even if they’re hurt they might recover. Band-aids and kisses aren’t quite enough for this.”

“It’s a very nice school,” Ms. assured them. “Remember Jamahl, and how he made music out of everything?” Both brothers nodded, still clinging to one another. “He’s a super, and he went to this school for other supers. And they can take care of him in a way we can’t, and help him make even better music.”

“But- Val? Is she okay? Will we see her?” Pat asked.

Ms. Parson wrapped her arms around both of them. “I don’t know, sweetie. I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know.”

~~~~~~~~

D.R.E.A.M. Index #265333

Classification: Z.3.iii [Tertiary Tier Villain, Anomaly]

Name: The Mystic Magician

Status: INACTIVE

/////////Reason: Incarceration

/////////Sentence: Life in E.A.N.S.C.

Civilian Name: [CLEARANCE: CONFIDENTIAL] Andrew Jenkins

Affiliation: Villain

Partners/Sidekicks: N/A

Primary Foes: N/A

Powers: Alchemy/Transmutation

/////////Non-super abilities: PhDs in chemistry and biology and a MS in genetic science

Costume: Labcoat, purple gloves, safety goggles

Age: 36

Height: 5’6”

Pronouns: He/Him

H.E.A.R.T.S. Class of ‘00

Note: Convicted of 14 counts of first-degree murder and 20 counts of non-consensual human experimentation. Within those counts, 10 victims were under the age of 10; His stated intent was to make “everyone” super in some way, but he appears to have had little regard to their lives or personal desire to be super.

~~~~~~~~

After three years, they finally gained a new member of the group. The Hundred-Acre-Wood gang closed ranks and hearts after the news, shying away from new children and prospective adopters alike. Thomas’ nightmares got worse, and the Sanders brothers were moved into their own room in the aftermath, and if Thomas spent nearly every night clinging to his brother so that the shadows didn’t overwhelm them both… Miss and Ms. understood. Patton’s other kiddos knew they, too, could come sleep in his bedroom whenever the shadows were too dark or the nightmares too real.

When Patton was eight and Thomas six, a new boy came to the foster home. He was a cuddly nine-year-old who dealt with the small group’s barriers by grinning at them until they collapsed. Both Dahlia and Derionna were immediately taken with him, and Brittney squished his cheeks and grinned, and Leo proudly showed him how high he could jump, and Kenny was adopted as their Owl. Thomathy liked him too, but still couldn’t bear to have Patton leave his sight, no matter what. He’d learned to be scared of the world, anxious about others’ intentions and nervous about what was or wasn’t as it seemed. If there was one thing that Pat was now determined to do in life, it was to keep him safe, or as safe as he possibly could, and to be there whenever his brother needed him.

“Be careful, Tigger, you’ll hurt them!” Pat called as his tall friend ran by, Roo and RooToo giggling as they both clung to his back at once. “Look where you’re going!”

Leo nearly tripped over the edge of the pavement, but Kenny was there, catching the girls and keeping them all laughing. Thomas, though, had grabbed Patton’s arm, his fingers a vise.

“What is it, Tomma-llama?” Pat asked softly.

“They’re gonna get hurt,” Thomas whispered. “How will we save them, Pat?”

“They’ll be okay, I promise,” Pat whispered back. “It’s just a scratch at most, okay kiddo?”

Thomas nodded, but his brown eyes were huge with worry as he watched his friends, and his grip had hardly loosened. Patton peeled the fingers off his arms one by one and turned, urging Thomas to crawl onto his back. Steady from practice alone, Pat carried his brother to their bedroom, safe and inside, where no one could hurt them.

When Patton was ten, he made two realizations.

The first was about their future at the Harmony City Foster Home. They were now far too old for most of the potential parents. They were practically guaranteed to age out of the foster system here.

But at least they’d be together.

His other realization followed immediately on the heels of the first and threatened the one bit of safety Patton clung to. The whole home was glittering with excitement as Ms. and Miss loaded them all into two buses for a field trip. The words alone had been the source of endless speculation and entertainment for weeks. Maybe the ‘field trip’ was to a museum! Or a farm with ponies! No, they were definitely going to see a movie, or a play. No, a swimming pool. Or maybe they were going to Disneyland!

Despite the high expectations, no one was disappointed to find they were visiting the zoo just outside the city, the one with the huge park next door. Tommy excitedly pointed out all the turtles to Patton, whispering “That’s Teddy’s cousin!” The Hundred-Acre Wood gang had quite a lot of fun finding their namesakes in all the different enclosures, too.

“Patttyyy look it’s you!” Leo yelled, waving. And indeed, he was jumping up and down by the bear cage.

Derionna sniffed, surveying the huge animal with all the dignity a seven-year-old could offer. “That’s not Patton, that’s a brown bear.”

“But Pooh is a bear!”

“Pooh is a honey bear!”

“But look! Brown bears eat honey,” Dahlia pointed out, reading the descriptive sign. “And Pat gives bear hugs!”

Thomas swung his and Patton’s linked hands, grinning up at him. “And my big brother would protect us all, just like the big bear, right Pat?”

Patton grinned, adjusting his still-new glasses to look at his brother more clearly. It was still a shock, how many details there were that he’d been missing before! Trees had individual leaves, he could see single hairs in Thomas’ messy tangle, and he’d been able to pick out the hiding rabbits in the small mammals house. “Of course I will, Tommy. Forever.”

“Forever is a very long time, Pooh.”

Patton grinned and ruffled Thomas’ hair even more, quoting back their favorite movie. “Forever isn't long at all, when I'm with you!”

The friends all swarmed Pat and Tommy in an enormous group hug, singing along.

“One thing you should know No matter where I go We'll always be together Forever and ever!”

Miss and Ms. Parson found them then. Ms. was wiping away tears through a smile, and Miss was badly hiding giggles, but they both gathered them up to join the rest of the group.

All the children were set loose on the park next to the zoo, and the Parsons surprised them with gifts: jump ropes, beach balls, and some kites.

Leo, Kenny, Brittney, Dahlia, and Derionna decided on tag. Thomas, though, appealed to Patton with huge eyes that he really wanted to fly a kite, and Patton was powerless to resist. Even if it meant a lot of false starts as Thomas ran back and forth, trying to lift it high enough to catch the faint breeze.

At least, panting, he sat on the grass. “Patty, why does the kite hate me?”

“It doesn’t! The wind’s just lazy.”

“Can you try?”

Patton was a bit tired from the busy day already, but… this was for Thomathy. So of course he tried.

He ran back and forth, trying to catch a puff of air as Thomas held tight to the string, watching eagerly. Finally, a breeze pulled the rainbow kite just a few feet into the air. Thomas’ face split open into a triumphant grin.

Patton looked back as his little brother, who was twitching the string to try to keep the kite aloft, and a wave of affection crashed over him. He giggled, and laughed, and waved at the kite, cheering it on.

“Come on! Up and away! You’ve got this!”

Thomas’ surprised shout of joy caught Pat’s attention as the breeze suddenly picked up, sending the kite wheeling and soaring so quickly that Thomas nearly dropped the handle. Patton ran over to help him keep a firm hold. Together they sent it swooping through the sky, the brightly-colored tail fluttering behind. Their laughs and shouts of delight caught the Parsons’ attention.

“Great job, boys! You got it flying!”

Dahlia was staring at the not-so-distant trees, frowning. “But the trees are barely movin’ over there, look. Why is it flying?”

“Maybe it’s the hill?” Kenny suggested, scratching his head.

But the breeze had stopped and the kite swooped lower and lower. Thomas watched in disappointment, but Patton felt… odd. He felt like he’d just run the length of the field, but he’d only run back-and-forth with the kite, and had just stood with Thomas for the last bit of time. His hands felt a little jittery. He looked down at them and saw they were shaking just the slightest bit.

“Okay kiddos!” Ms. Parson called. “Time to come back to the bus!”

Patton shook out his hands and helped Thomas gather up the kite, checking his hands every other minute.

That night, Pat waited until Tommy was asleep and sat on the floor of their bedroom. He placed a tissue, a paper crane that Dahlia had made him, and his stuffed Pooh in front of him.

He closed his eyes and tried to think about the moment with the kite. He’d been so happy, seeing Thomathy’s smile and feeling the warm sun, and it had just fizzled around in his insides like a bunch of excited little honeybees and…

A puff of air lifted the tissue to float through the air, and the crane too, but the latter fell faster. Pat started, and the movement of air cut out immediately. But now he knew he hadn’t dreamed it. He could create wind out of nothing. And now that he’d done so deliberately, he was pretty sure he could do it again.

He pointed, and now a swirl of wind lifted his favorite bear off the ground, shakily. After a few airborne seconds, it fell once more, but Patton was grinning all the same.

“Tommy! Psst, Tommy!” he whispered, shaking his brother.

“Go ‘way, ‘m asleep,” the eight-year-old mumbled.

“Noo wake up, I gotta show you something!”

Grumbling, Thomas sat up, hair pointing in all directions. “Wassit, Pat?”

Patton concentrated, and pointed at the paper crane. It was lifted gently into the air on a breeze as a second one came to make its wings flap slowly as it flew over Thomas’ head.

“How are you doin’ that?”

“I dunno, I just can, all I gotta do is focus.”

Thomas stared at Pat with wonder in his eyes, which suddenly changed to fear. “Pat- you’re a super.”

“I guess I am, why do you look so worried?”

Thomas grabbed Patton’s hand and dragged him closer, disrupting the crane out of its flight. “If you’re a super you’re gonna get taken away. Like Jamahl.”

Pat felt ice settle on his spine. “Maybe you’d come with me? Have you noticed anything weird when you feel a lot?”

“Uh-uh. Patty, I don’t want you to go! Please don’t leave me! What if you end up like Val?”

“It’s okay, Tommy, I won’t,” he assured his brother as a resolution came to him. “They won’t send me away if they don’t know what I can do.”

“You’re gonna hide it? What if they find out?”

“They won’t,” Patton said firmly. “I won’t let them split us up. Not ever.”

He kept his promise. Only Thomathy ever knew, entertained by late-night shows of swirling, dancing animals and birds, flying through the air of their bedroom. And when he realized that age might soon separate them, he made his case to the Parsons.

“I know I’m going to age out in a year and a half, but can I stay here until Thomas does too? I can start working, and help out around the building if you need - I just want to make sure I’m here until he’s 18.”

Ms. and Miss made eye contact. “Pat, you understand that the precedent is the real issue, here. If we make an exception for you, why not the next person to ask? And we’d run out of room.”

“It’s only because we’re siblings, though. And it’s at most two years, that’s not terrible, right? We can even move into a smaller room. I just need to save enough to move out. Or I can adopt him before he ages out. I just need some time to get a job and start making my own money.”

The Parsons’ hands were linked, and Ms. subtly squeezed Miss’s, then spoke. “We’re going to have to lay out some ground rules, but I think we can do this. Don’t tell the others, but it’s because you two are our favorites,” she added with a wink.

Patton grinned. “Thank you so much! I’ll make you proud.”

Miss put a hand on Patton’s cheek and kissed the top of his head. “I know you will.”

~~

All things considered, having a job agreed with Patton. He’d been working at Accidentally In Loaf for four months and had learned to make his own bread already. He’d used part of his first ever paycheck to buy Thomas a tiny little figurine of a turtle. He’d made it a tiny name-tag that said “Teddy,” and he now had a place of honor on top of their dresser. Everything else went into savings, an account that Ms. had helped him set up. Everything else went towards the hope of a home that was solely their own, where Pat could live with Tommy and maybe even his other kiddos, if they needed it.

He whistled as he cleaned the counter, daydreaming about the decorations he’d have and the family dinners he’d cook. There’d be a sourdough starter in the pantry, and dough proving on the counter. Thomas would be able to film his fun little videos in the living room, or maybe they’d even have a yard! And when Leo or Derionna or Dahlia or Kenny or Brittney visited, they could all cuddle up in a giant pile on the couch, just like they had when they were little.

His reverie was interrupted by urgent breaking-news music on the TV and a not-so-distant explosion.

“Live from downtown - current reports and footage of a clash of supers. The villain is unidentified as of yet, but the hero is our own Commander Eagle, on patrol with his sidekick, Silver Sparrow.”

Patton glanced over at the TV, where a graphic was showing a map of the fight. He did a double-take, then blanched. The radius of impact was right near the middle of the city, where the Northwest and Southwest quadrants met.

It was right on top of his home.

Without removing his apron, Patton sped out the front door of the bakery, ignoring questions and calls of alarm. He was a 15-minute walk away, but if he went down one block he’d be able to at least see home from here.

On the wide boulevard, there were distant blurs in the air. The Commander and Sparrow were immediately recognizable, up against some dark figure that could fly and rip up huge objects without touching them. As Patton watched, the heroes tried to lead the villain towards an emptier area, but the villain kept dodging and weaving, staying in the same spot directly over Harmony City Foster Home. Debris was in the air as signs and mailboxes were uprooted and used as projectiles against the heroes. No one would be able to safely leave the home, not unless someone got them out.

Patton started to run, eyes glued to the battle above. Passersby jumped out of his way, scattering like leaves in the street as he ran.

No.

Winds picked up around him, pushing oblivious pedestrians aside as he raced towards his home.

Please no.

Were his feet hitting the ground still? Was he speaking aloud? Minor concerns, paling at the feet of his massive, overwhelming need to get home as fast as possible, to be there, to keep his kiddos safe.

No. No. No.

Another boom and thwap of air as villains and heroes collided overhead. A crash as a streak of moving bodies collided with an office building, sending shattered glass into the air, sparkling like deadly snowflakes.

Be careful, you’ll hurt them. Look where you’re going!

He was moving as fast as he could, only minutes away. He would get there. He would keep them safe.

And then he saw the dark form uproot an entire water tower and send it hurtling towards the two blips that were the avian heroes. The Commander swerved and hit it away, protecting himself and his sidekick.

The world slowed. Patton tried to run faster, but his legs felt leaden and dull. The water tower creaked as it fell a new direction, tons and tons of water sloshing as it descended. The shadow grew as Patton screamed in alarm and desperation. A shadow twin of the tower grew on the ground over HCFH, painting the familiar roof tiles a dark crimson, no longer the friendly red of warm brick.

Nononononono...!

Everything snapped back into real time as the impact hit. A massive thud and crash as the tower crunched through the entire foster home. Patton wasn’t sure if he was imagining screams or it was just his heart as he watched in horror, still two blocks away, useless.

He ran until his feet were planted in the debris, surrounded by brick and stone, all demolished and soaked by the fallen tower. His brain helplessly echoed the names of all his kiddos, everyone he knew in the home.

Leo. Brittney. Dahlia. Derionna. Miss Parson. Ms. Parson. Alicia. Kenny. Tammy. Lucy. Claire. Bruce. Amelia. Kenn. Danielle.

Thomas.

He was stumbling through the wreckage, looking for any sign of life, when he spotted him. Hair not just messy, but covered in rock dust. A huge, dark stain on his chest that matched the jagged i-beam beside him.

“Tommy?” Patton said aloud, voice cracking. “Thomathy?”

He was able to pull Thomas out of the mess, holding him in his lap. He’d gotten so much taller, these past few years. He was sixteen now, asking Pat when he’d start liking girls, confused and excited by the answer of “maybe never.” And he wasn’t responding.

Everything was damp from the flood of water of the tower’s contents, but Patton suddenly realized his face was, too.

“Thomas, please, wake up,” Patton pleaded. “Thomma-Llama-Ding-Dong? Thomas the Dank Engine? Please, say something, kiddo!”

Thomas’ face was serene. Shouldn’t he be scared by all these loud noises? The heroes were still clashing with the villain, but it sounded like they were winning now. Patton smoothed his brother’s hair and found his hand came away sticky and red. Had he been playing with hair dye? He should know better.

“Tommy, come on, stop playing. Just say something, okay? Anything!”

He shook Thomas’ prone torso. The teen’s arm fell limply to his side, revealing the tiny figurine clutched in his hand. It was Teddy the Turtle, now cracked through and covered in brick dust.

Patton stared at the little thing. His first gift to his brother. His promise of their future.

And it was ruined now.

He looked up numbly. The heroes were still fighting the villain, working in perfect tandem as they swooped from side to side, circling and landings blows. Why were they still fighting? Hadn’t they done enough? Who did they even fight for?

Patton hadn’t noticed until this moment that the air had gone still. Dust didn’t move, no breezes carried away the coppery smell of blood all around. He saw that trees were moving gently in the distance, but here, all was frozen. He looked down once more and saw the dent in his brother’s head, dark and tacky with blood. He gently kissed Thomas’ forehead and shifted his body off his lap. He arranged the boy’s arms with care, making sure Teddy was still in his grip. And then he stood.

Winds came to his grip without a thought. They swirled around him, racing faster and faster, and lifted him slowly into the air. Had he been scared of heights before? He found he didn’t remember, nor did he care. He rose 10 feet, then 20. Bricks and debris started to rise as well, and with metallic creaks and scrapes, so did the tower. He looked up at the fight above him. Commander Eagle had subdued the villain, it seemed. The two heroes seemed ready to leave.

He rose further, up to their level. “Hey friends! Where y’all going? You just got here!”

“Who the hell are you?” the Commander asked gruffly.

Patton smiled hugely. “My name’s Patton Sanders, thanks for asking! I work at the bakery!” He spoke in his best customer service voice, cheery and bright. “You’re Commander Eagle, and you must be Silver Sparrow!”

The sidekick flew over, silver costume shining in the day’s sun. “Yes, we are. Can we help you?”

“Why yes you can!” Patton continued, still smiling cheerily. “You can bring my fucking brother back to life, you bastards.”

Air rushed around them, carrying the debris from below. In a breath, both heroes were surrounded in floating cages of rock and brick, sides contracting around them. The villain the Commander had captured had their own separate prison as Patton sent all three hurtling towards the ground at terminal velocity. He swooped after them, grinning as they collided with the ground in a rattling crunch. The sound hadn’t just been from the rocks. One shell broke as a silver-clad arm reached out. “Please, we didn’t realize!” Silver Sparrow cried. She was badly bruised, blood trailing down from her temple, but the cut was already healing.

“Oh, you’re okay!” Patton said, floating a foot back. “Sorry, I must have made a mistake. Won’t happen again!”

He gestured, and the waiting water tower dropped.

~~

When he’d heard of the fight, he’d immediately suited up and flown towards downtown. When he saw the huge crater that was now in the middle of the city, he’d almost thrown up. A foster home? They’d managed to let ‘collateral damage’ take out an entire foster home? Was there anyone left? He didn’t see any emergency responders, at least, not yet.

But he did see a mangled water tower that had clearly caused the destruction, but had been moved somehow. And he saw a small, blue-and-grey form in the middle of the wreckage.

He flew down to investigate and found he was suddenly flying through a wall of wind, struggling to make headway. A conjured hand behind him pushed him through to the cylinder of calm inside the column of air.

Now he could hear the sobs. The form he’d seen was bent over a body, ginger curls shaking with every wet, gasping breath. Bodies surrounded them, too, all clearly moved. Roman realized with growing horror that practically all of them were young, far too young. None looked older than teens, except two grown women who were still embracing, even in death. Further out, he saw toddlers, children, all still and grime-covered, all within a crater of destruction that centered at the one live figure.

The sobs stopped as Roman landed and slipped on a brick, causing a small rockslide.

“Who the fuck are you?” the man asked coldly, whirling to face the red-and-black-clad villain.

“I’m the Crimson Marauder. I heard there was a fight with one of my heroes. Are you... alright?”

The man glared through glasses with hairline fractures all through one lens. He seemed unaware of the grime and stains his blue polo and grey cardigan had acquired. “Are you one of them?” he rasped.

“No.”

“Good. Then leave.”

Roman hesitated, then took a step closer. “I… I think I should stay. You shouldn’t be alone.”

The man’s head tilted back in a terrible mockery of a laugh. “Too late.”

Roman suddenly realized this was barely a man before him. He was a teen, an older teen, but definitely no adult. He was a child who’d clearly lost far too much. Roman swallowed the lump in his throat.

“You know, I’ve learned a little something about revenge,” he offered. The boy’s head snapped up at the last word, blue eyes blazing as they met Roman’s.

“And what’s that?”

“No one will do it for you.”

There was a moment of silence, and then the ginger head nodded. “You’re offering?”

“Of course. Just one condition: what’s your name?”

“Patton.”

“Nice to meet you, Patton. I’m Roman. Come with me, and no one will mess with your family ever again.”

~~~~~~~~

D.R.E.A.M. Index #265351

Classification: A.2.i [Secondary Tier Hero, Legacy]

Name: Commander Eagle

Status: DECEASED

/////////Recognition: Honor Roll ‘15

Civilian Name: [CLEARANCE: TOP SECRET] Albert “Al” Hawkins

Affiliation: Hero

///////// H.A.T.C.H. Status: Inactive

Partners/Sidekicks: DI#337236 - Silver Sparrow

Primary Foes: DI#337413 - Crimson Marauder

Powers: Flight (wings), Strength;

Costume: Silver flak jacket, green camo pants, natural wings (feathered)

Age: 33

Height: 6’0”

Pronouns: He/Him

H.E.A.R.T.S. Class of ‘96

Note: [Hall of Fame notes archived]. K.I.A. by DI#337437 - Gale Force;

~~~~~~~~~

D.R.E.A.M. Index #337236

Classification: A.3.iii [Tertiary Tier Hero, Anomaly]

Name: Silver Sparrow

Status: DECEASED

/////////Recognition: Honor Roll ‘15

Civilian Name: [CLEARANCE: TOP SECRET] Tamika Roberts

Affiliation: Hero

///////// H.A.T.C.H. Status: Inactive

Partners/Sidekicks: DI#265351 - Commander Eagle

Primary Foes: DI#337413 - Crimson Marauder

Powers: Flight, Durability;

Costume: Silver and blue jumpsuit, short silver cape in shape of wings, silver mask with beak

Age: 21

Height: 5’5”

Pronouns: She/Her

H.E.A.R.T.S. Class of ‘12

Note: Partnered immediately upon graduation with DI#265351 - Commander Eagle; K.I.A. by DI#337437 - Gale Force;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Notes: Hi yes the title is indeed from This is Gospel, as was “Best of Us.” The WiP title, however, was “Hello naughty children it’s murder Thomas time”

#:D #Roses Writes Fanfic #Another Goddamn Hero Story #aghs #i apologize for nothing #pattangst #//child abuse #//child death #//character death #//graphic violence #//violence #superhero au #patton sanders #thomas the sanders #roman sanders #ts patton #ts roman #ts thomas #origin story #patton angst #Thomas and Friends #IT'S HERE

[bubblemoon66]

Dead Men Family Headcanons

I was digging through my drafts and found a bunch of old headcanons about the original Dead Men and their families. I think they’ve since been disproved by canon but I thought they might be fun to share, so here you go:

Skulduggery

Skulduggery’s parents were both powerful mages from old well-respected sorcerer families. Both were elemental and veterans from the war against the Unnamed (the war before the war against Mevolent).

Skulduggery was the overlooked middle child. He had an older brother (who was eleven years older), and older sister (nine years older), then he was born, and three years later his parents had twin boys, and finally a younger sister (who was nine years younger).

Both his older siblings were talented elementals - which meant Skulduggery felt like he had a lot to live up to. They looked out for Skulduggery but the large age gap between them meant they weren’t great playmates.

There was a shorter age gap between him and his younger brothers - but that meant that Skulduggery didn’t get a long time as the ‘baby’ of the family, and got overlooked by his parents. He did his best to be a big brother like his siblings had been for him  - but he got them into a lot of mischief.

They all grew up in a small manor house in the countryside. They weren’t extraordinarily wealthy but were able to live more than comfortably - think landed gentry as opposed to aristocracy/nobility.

Skulduggery spent a lot of time rambling around the countryside. And the family had plenty of hounds and horses to keep him company on these adventures.

He didn’t have any friends outside his family because of the stutter, until he met Ghastly (and later, Hopeless)

Skulduggery was thirteen when the war against Mevolent started. His parents and his older siblings were recruited immediately. Skulduggery begged them to let him join but was told he’d have to wait until he was older.

Both Skulduggery’s younger brothers became sensitives - the kind that specialised in telepathy. They joined the war as soon as they had their surge but stayed on the sidelines for the most part - being used for relaying messages and interrogating prisoners. Although they still got into a few scraps - sensitives were targeted by Mevolent’s troops.

Skulduggery’s youngest sister became a healer, tending to wounded soldiers fighting against Mevolent. The age gap and the fact that Skulduggery left home as soon as he could to fight meant they weren’t close as children, but they became much closer later in life. During the war, she introduced Skulduggery to her best friend - the woman who one day become his wife.

In addition to his large immediate family, Skulduggery had a large extended family. Most of them fought against Mevolent, but a few fought for him. All of them died during the war.

Out of his immediate family: his older brother was the first to die, then his parents, the twins, and his older sister. By the time Skulduggery was killed, only his youngest sister was alive. Her death was what triggered him to study Necromancy/become Lord Vile.

Ghastly 

Ghastly is an only child. Both his parents were only children as well, so he never had any cousins to play with.  

He was born in Dublin, his parents preferring to live surrounded by mortals rather than mages.

His parents tried desperately to break the curse that left him scared, but after it became apparent that they couldn’t they moved to an all-mage village hoping that at the very least they might not be stared at as much. Ghastly was about five at the time.

Unfortunately, mage children stare as much as mortal children. And Ghastly was bullied badly. He learnt boxing from his mother as a way to fight back.

Although Ghastly got on extremely well with both his parents, he was still very lonely as a boy. He didn’t have any friends until he met Skulduggery.

Ghastly was 12 when they met, Skulduggery 11. He immediately liked Skulduggery because he didn’t make fun of him or ask him lots of questions about his scars (admittedly Skulduggery would have done both these things had his stutter stopped him).

The two quickly became firm friends, their friendship cemented by their lonely misfit status. They spent their time wandering around the countryside and the nearby villages having adventures and solving mysteries.

Ghastly taught Skulduggery to box, and Skulduggery helped Ghastly hone his elemental magic.

The two met Hopeless six months later.

Ghastly’s mother left home to help out with the war shortly after it started. She sent letters back to husband and son frequently. Ghastly still keeps them in a box under his bed.

Ghastly’s father stayed behind to raise him - and to make armoured clothing for the war efforts. Ghastly helped his father out in the workshop every day. It made him feel like he was making a difference in the war and protecting his mother.

Ghastly enlisted in the war at the same time as Skulduggery and Hopeless - mostly because someone had to keep Skulduggery out of trouble - but also because he wanted to support his mother. 

Ghastly’s mother was a well-respected commandant by the time Ghastly enlisted (she rose through the ranks quickly) but Ghastly never served directly under her since it was standard practice to separate family members. 

Ghastly’s father died a few years after his mother. The doctors said it was heart failure but Ghastly always believed it was heartbreak. 

Hopeless

Hopeless was the second child of two mages. His mother was a necromancer who had left the order for love, and his father was a shapeshifter. 

He had a sister who was 23 years older than him and also a shapeshifter.

Hopeless met Skulduggery and Ghastly when he was 14. Technically, he had run across them on a few occasions before this, but they hadn't recognised him because he had been wearing a different face. (He remembered them though, Ghastly's face and Skulduggery's attitude are hard to forget).  

Hopeless' parents died a couple of years after the war broke out - they weren't soldiers, but were caught in the crossfire while visiting a distant relative. 

After their parents died Hopeless' sister became a dedicated pacifist and joined Esryn Vanguard's movement. She married another pacifist during the war, and eventually had two children with him. 

Meanwhile, Hopeless became a soldier in hope of preventing more innocent people from dying. 

Hopeless, Skulduggery and Ghastly enlisted to fight together. During their first assignment, they met Erskine Ravel. 

Hopeless and his sister had a difficult relationship after he became a soldier/she became a pacifist but they still cared deeply for one another and stayed in touch their whole lives. 

Hopeless’ sister loathed the rest of the dead men, however. They represented everything she was against. She blamed Skulduggery and Ghastly in particular for leading Hopeless astray. And her loathing of them only got stronger after his death. 

She and her family survived the war and emigrated to Canada in the 1870s. 

Erskine

Erskine was born the only mage to a large mortal Catholic family.

His parents were both weavers in a large town/small city (Cork maybe?). 

The family weren’t dirt poor but it was by no means a glamorous upbringing.

Erskine was the second youngest. He had two older brothers, two older sisters and one younger brother. There were also a lot of extended relatives around and about. 

The younger brother died when Erskine was eight from some now-preventable illness.

The older siblings all lived fairly typical lives for the time. All of them married and had children. The brothers took up their father's craft. One of the sisters died in childbirth. (Erskine thinks back to it all as depressingly mortal).

Erskine never really felt close to his family. They weren’t bad people, but he didn’t feel like he had much in common with them. From a young age, he saw himself as more ambitious and clever and special than them. 

There were a fair few rumours surrounding Erskine’s birth. Some of the neighbours said his golden eyes were the mark of a changeling (not true). Others said he looked more like the apothecarist who lived two lanes over than he did his weaver-father (true). 

Erskine’s mother called both rumours hogwash and they more-or-less faded by the time Erskine walking and talking. 

The apothecarist-two-lanes-over took Erskine in as an apprentice when he was thirteen. (There was no mention of parentage, at least not that Erskine heard).

Said apothecarist was an early science-magic theorist and sorcerer. (He wasn’t a very good one, however, and so chose to live a life surrounded by mortals who looked up to him as opposed to other  sorcerers who looked down on him.)

Erskine thrived under his tutorship. He’s never had much interest in the family business and learning about magic confirmed and strengthened his conviction that he was destined for greater things. 

He learnt a little bit about a lot of different types of magic but ended up favouring elemental magic.

When he was seventeen he ran across three strange young men fighting a war no one had heard of and wreaking magical havoc in the town. They seemed an exciting bunch and he figured he’d learnt all he could with his current tutor so he joined up with.

 Anton

Anton was found abandoned just before his first birthday at a foundling hospital (the religious kind run by monks/nuns, not the kind run by medical doctors).

There was no note left with him, nor anything else that could shed a light on who he was or why he had been abandoned. 

The hospital wasn't a great place to grow up in. There were strict rules, bullying, and too many kids to look after. It could have been worse though. Most of the nuns were decent people and the kids were kept warm and fed and received a basic education.

It was clear from the beginning that there was something not quite right with baby Anton. There would be scratches on his arms and chest and one nun swore once that she saw something try to claw itself out of the child. Rumours start spreading that he was some sort of demon-child and that’s why he’d been abandoned. (This was, of course, the gist’s fault).

There were a few attempts at exorcisms as Anton got older. They would appear to work at first but one temper tantrum later and the scratches and other strange happenings would start appearing again. 

One kind-hearted young nun realised this tied to Anton’s distress levels and took Anton under her wing. She provided spiritual guidance and was a stable, calming, motherly figure to Anton. 

Anton gained more control over the gist as he got a bit older, until puberty hit and suddenly his temper became a lot harder to control again. The gist start appearing as a fully-fledged thing 

When the gist hurt an older kid Anton had been fighting with and Anton’s favourite nun who tried to separate them, Anton decided he needed to leave the hospital before something worse happened. 

He found a job as an apprentice for a blacksmith. He was big and strong for his age (twelve) so the work suited him. 

But that went up in flames after another incident with the gist a year or so later so he moved to the next town over, did odd jobs for a few years and then moved on dock-work.

Anton was twenty-six when he realised he’s stopped ageing. This terrified him almost as much as losing control did. 

It was also around this time that Anton realised he was exclusively attracted to men, which only added to his feelings of isolation.

Three years after he noticed he wasn’t ageing, he packed up his bags and moved to another town to start afresh. 

He continued doing various manual labour jobs, hoping from town-to-town when either the gist showed itself or when he started to worry about others noticing he wasn’t ageing.

This went on for decades before Anton met his first sorcerer - Saracen Rue. Anton dragged him out of a bar fight involving an angry cuckold husband and friends. They both realised the other had magic and they struck up a friendship. 

Dexter

Dexter grew up on in a small cottage in the countryside. 

He’s one of the younger Dead Men. 

He has two older sisters. The eldest is eight years older than him and the middle one is six years older. 

Dexter’s sisters babied him well into adulthood. He was the apple of their eye when he was born and that never changed.

While Dexter and his middle sister were both mages (she was an elemental) his eldest sister never developed any magical talent and had a mortal lifespan. She remained close to both siblings her whole life despite this, and her death at age 71 hit both siblings hard.

Both his parents were mages. Mother was an energy thrower. Father was an elemental. 

Dexter’s parents encouraged their children to act kindly and respectfully to mortals, but also stressed the importance of isolation and hiding magic from the world. 

Dexter's father abandoned the family without warning when Dexter was about four years old. None of them knew why or if he was dead or alive. 

Life for the family was difficult economically speaking after that, but they managed by banding together and Dexter still thinks of it as a happy childhood despite the abandonment.

Dexter’s a good hunter, fisher, tracker and trapper. He spent a lot of his teen years supplementing his and his family's diet this way. He’s the Dead Man’s go-to man when they’re running low on supplies.

When Dexter hit sixteen, he went looking for his father. He ended up finding him living in a town twenty miles down the road, remarried with two young children. Dexter pushed him for an explanation - amnesia, blackmail, any reason at all so he could forgive him - but the only explanation Dexter got was that his father had lost interest in his old life and wanted a fresh start. There was never an apology or any attempt to make amends. His father had no interest in hearing how his old family was doing and told Dexter quite plainly to leave. 

Dexter returns home unsatisfied. He debates reaching out to his step-mother and step-siblings and letting them know what a dirtbag his father is but he doesn’t like the idea of breaking up a (potentially) happy family, so he just decides to put them all out of his mind and move on with his life. 

The journey to find his father and his return home does give Dex a taste for adventure, however. He finds he likes living rough and seeing more of the world.

(The journey also helps him to decide that he’s going to be an energy thrower. He had been torn between energy throwing and elemental magic up until then, but after seeing his father again he decided he wanted to be nothing like him.)

He starts spending longer and longer periods away from home. It’s on one of these excursions he meets sorcerers from outside the family for the first time and finds out there's a war going on (the family had been pretty isolated and unaware of mage politics up ‘til then). 

The sorcerers in question were a group of radical Mevolent supporters. They tried to recruit him and were pretty persuasive with their vague promises of adventure and glory and a better world. But it didn’t take long for their mortal-hating policies to light and with Dexter’s eldest sister being mortal, he turned against them pretty quick.

This leads him to join the Sanctuary’s military, and eventually, the Dead Men. 

Dexter and his mother, and his surviving sister are still close.

The sister’s married to a lovely South American witch. He goes to stay with them at least once a year. 

Saracen has tried to seduce Dexter’s mother, sister and sister-in-law on several occasions. He has yet to succeed with any of them. 

Saracen

None of the Dead Men know much about Saracen’s family. They’ve heard some wild stories involving a whole host of relatives, but a lot of the stories contradict each other and the same relatives seem to go by multiple names or multiples relatives are going by the same name. Nobody can keep the stories straight, least of all Saracen.

No one’s sure if they’re alive or dead or mortals or mages or both. 

Although they’re pretty sure he has/had several sisters and nieces. Presumably parents too.

If you ask Saracen about his family directly he’ll go off on a wild tangent or claim he has to protect their identities from all the jilted ex-lovers and cheated-on husbands he’s pissed off. 

Dexter’s convinced that it’s actually because Saracen’s family know what his power is and he doesn’t want the Dead Men to try and find out through them.

The only thing everyone can agree on is that Saracen is a farm boy.

#skulduggery pleasant #headcanons #sp ramble #long post

[ecofinisher]

¡Vamos a España! - Chap 14

Chapter 14

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442912/chapters/74036946

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13819897/14/Vamos-a-Espa%C3%B1a

https://www.wattpad.com/1040540568-%C2%A1vamos-a-espa%C3%B1a-chapter-14

The next morning Rollan got out of his mother‘s house, then before he closed the door the middle sibling of the troll triplets ran out at Rollan, then stopped him from going away.

„Hey? What‘s going on?“ Questioned Rollan looking down at the cub, then he pointed at the indoor, where his mother sat on the stairs with the other two trolls holding a book. „Look I know you guys all need a playmate you‘re familiar with to play along, but I can‘t skip the academy to watch over you,“ Rollan explained accompanying the troll back into the house, then Ivan got up from the stairs and made his way to Rollan and hoped up at the raven-haired boy, then Rollan grabbed the cub and held him on his arm. „I know yesterday we couldn‘t play a lot, but after I‘m back we can have more fun together. I promise,“ Rollan commented, then felt the previous cub jump at him grabbing himself on Rollan‘s belt, then he moved Rollan on the shirt to earn his attention.

„Do you think it would be allowed to have the cubs watch you and the others during the training?“ Leticia asked walking at the door, where Rollan stood, then Rollan shrugged his shoulders.

„Well, there is just this one problem…..They‘re trolls. I don‘t think people here have ever seen a troll and if they will react positively is another question“

„Pwease,“ Babbled the youngest cub pulling Rollan on his pants, then Rollan grabbed the three cubs at once and tried to bring them to his mother.

„Sorry I really can‘t take you, boys,“ Rollan mentioned watching the cubs sinking down their ears. Rollan placed the cubs down on the floor, then patted each of the trolls on their head. „My mama and Luta are here for you too. And if you want, when I‘m back and you have found an interesting game or activity we could all do together. Do you think this is good for now?“ Come, show me your happy faces,“ Rollan asked watching the cubs look neutral at the boy, then the youngest and oldest troll smiled at Rollan, except for the dark-brown troll, which crossed his arms. „I‘m coming back tonight, don‘t worry my little sourpuss,“ Rollan commented tickling the cub under his arms making him laugh, then he took his hands away and watched Ivan and Leonid hop at the sibling to tickle him, leaving Rollan snicker at managing to have the cubs at least get entertained for the moment.

„Alright,“ Rollan spoke getting up, then he noticed his ride getting closer and glanced back to his mother. „I have to go,“ Rollan warned earning a nod from the woman. „Hasta luego!“

„Hasta luego, mi hijo,“

Rollan went to the road, then as the carriage approached him he encountered on the ride Marina, Pastor, and four other men, afterward Rollan leaped on the ladder of the carriage and got helped up by Pastor and a second man.

„Gracias,“ Rollan responded, then sat between his friend and the girl he met yesterday in the academy.

„Who were they inside your house?“ Marina asked looking at Rollan with a smile.

„Mi madre,“ Rollan responded making Marina shake her head.

„No, the three weird creatures you were playing with,“

„You saw them?“ Rollan asked with wide-open eyes earning a nod from the girl.

„Yes, what are they?“

„They‘re…...overbred Lappish dogs…...puppies, „Rollan made up making Marina raise her right eyebrow bewildered.

„Puppies?…...But they laughed similar to a human?“

„Yeah well you know, they‘re actually not mine, they belong to a friend, but they somehow followed me here and I need to take care of them until he‘s able to come here and take them home,“

„Okay and where did your friend get those…...puppies?“

„I don‘t know it,“ Rollan responded. „I think he found them,“

„Okay,“ Marina replied, then Pastor observed the girl to see if she was done with talking and decided to speak to the tall boy.

„Hey about yesterday, who were those guys, that began to threaten you two during the parkour?“ Pastor asked looking at Rollan and Marina.

„You mean Ernesto and Enrico?“ Rollan asked, then Marina nodded along with Marina.

„I assumed they were just some idiots,“ Marina mentioned, then Rollan nodded.

„Well in a way you‘re right,“ Rollan replied. „You know in my younger years, they used to make fun of me, when I would be the only one in the city playing the hero to save the town from criminals,“

„And what was so bad about that?“ Pastor asked. „You were putting your life in danger to save others and what were they doing at that time?“

„Hiding, if I have to be honest, but you know…..I sort of did all this, because I wanted to be like the heroes in those books I‘ve got at home and legends…..but I was ridiculous back then,“

„And now you‘re here doing a formation like us and everyone will know you‘re…...well a guard. But you‘ve got with the time a pro at swordsmanship, running, passing over various obstacles,“ Pastor cheered the raven-haired Spaniard up.

„It was your first, real-time yesterday. You didn‘t do badly. You just have to clear your head and focus on what‘s in front of you and how you‘re going to surpass it fast. Whatever Ernesto and Enrico say, just don‘t listen to them,“ Marina explained.

„You know Enrico and Ernesto are those type of people, that have in their own life problems with other people in their lives and let out their anger on people, that are an easy bite for them, which in those case was you,“ Pastor explained making Rollan snort shortly.

„Yeah. I will see how I will handle this today,“

„That‘s the spirit, Rollan,“

„Yes, remember. You will still do mistakes, but it doesn‘t matter, cause you will always learn from them,“

„Pastor is right. If you get made fun of that, just ignore that. You‘re going to get better, you will see,“ Marina added earning a nod from Rollan.

„Thank you,“ Rollan responded giving both friends his hand. „I will give my best,“

„You know, we‘re basically like attending classes together. We should hang out together as a trio. In case one of us gets in trouble with the others, we‘re always there to help out each other. What do you think?“ Marina suggested. „It‘s easier,“

„Sounds fine to me,“ Rollan confirmed.

„Same to me. We can even help each other out, when necessary,“ Pastor added earning a nod from the friends.

„That is cool,“ Agreed Rollan, then Pastor moved his hand forward waiting for the others to put their hand on his, then Marina placed his hand first, afterward Rollan was the last one placing his hand on the pile and the three looked at each other and raised their hands down slowly and threw them up in the air. „Vamos!“

„Hala!“

„Viva!“ Shouted Marina above the two different words of the boy, then all looked at each other in confusion and began to laugh at their variety of words they came up with. „We‘ll solve that later,“ Marina announced earning a nod from the two Spaniards.

Alfida‘s airship was ready to take off and down at the ship Kai had tied up a wooden box on a rope, then looked up at the ship at the troll Orm, which stood at the side of the vehicle and gave him a thumb up.

Gerda stood near the ship by her parents, which had accompanied their children to the airfield.

„Half of Kai‘s payment went out on our food articles for the trip. For an emergency to obtain more bread or little snacks each of us has brought,“ Gerda told her parents, that were listening to the daughter.

„Alfida by the way sent last night a message to her mother in Porchuga, so they‘re aware of our location,“ Kai mentioned. „They came back from an assault in Greece and were now resting,“

„Alright, we‘re glad that at least they‘re aware of something,“ Una commented earning a nod from the son, which embraced her.

„Darling our kids have been through hard times together. This will be a child‘s play,“ Vegard commented placing his arm around his wife and his son. Gerda placed her hand around her mother and his brother‘s back to join the family hug.

„We will be back soon enough, mom all of us will be reunited together,“ Gerda assured

„Don‘t worry Mrs, This troll is a good fighter,“ Orm confirmed confidently taking out his sword and swung it around, unnoticed passing with the sharp side on the rope cutting it afterward as he took the sword back to store it into his sword pocket he noticed the cut rope, slowly dissolve and break. „See…..?“

Gerda chuckled, then transformed into her dragon-like form and grabbed the box by the tied-up rope, and began to flatter with her wings to pull the box up at the ship.

„We won‘t let you down, we promise,“ Kai said taking his arms off his parents, then grabbed on the ladder made of rope and climbed it up to get into the ship of his girlfriend. Gerda arrived with her delivery on deck and got helped by Kai and Orm to put the box down, then she landed on the ground and walked back to the side of the ship to take one last look at her parents, which smiled at the girl. Gerda waved at them, seeing her mother get into the arms of the husband and together they waved goodbye at their oldest child.

„I‘m going to miss you,“ Gerda mentioned with a smile.

„We‘re going to miss you too!“ Vegard added making the daughter chuckle, then Alfida walked by the girl checking on the ship and waved at her boyfriend‘s parents, which reciprocated her deed and the raven-haired girl returned to the steering wheel.

„Step aside. We‘re ready for take-off“ Alfida announced looking at the friends, which nodded at Alfida‘s announcement, then she pulled the level up to take the shark-themed airship up. Gerda and Kai waved together at their parents which now got zoomed out from their sight as the ship had risen up above the field. Alfida spun her steering wheel around to turn the ship away from the adults and held the front in the opposite direction, then adjusted the lever again to activate the main propeller of the airship, so they could move forward on it. „Watch out Spain, we are coming!“

„That will be a long ride,“ Kai commented sitting down on the stairs along with Orm as Gerda kept standing at the side of the ship looking down at the ship taking distance away from the ground. „How long did you say we would take again?“ Questioned the raven-haired boy.

„Depending on the wind, the force, and our route. Around ten days,“ Alfida responded, „My mom takes longer as she goes on the water, we have the luck to go like this,“

„This is even too long for a troll,“ Orm commented. „But you‘ve got books or anything else we could use to pass the time,“

„Of course,“ Alfida commented. „Books, I‘ve got a lot of sheets to write or draw on, a set of cards, a bongo, a two-stringed instrument, and a few ones we stole around the world,“

„I‘m going to stick with painting for now,“ Kai mentioned. „Just need an idea on what I could paint,“

„You need musical accompaniment?“ Offered Orm. „I know how to play on bongos,“

„Uh everyone does, Orm,“ Alfida added making Kai laugh and Orm frown.

„Eh whatever......You know what, I think I‘m going to take a nap first,“ Orm said getting up and head toward the small cabin and entered into it.

„Later on we need to discuss who rides the ship overnight,“ Alfida warned the troll waiting for a response, then shrugged her shoulders.

„If you want I take the night shift with you,“ Gerda offered. „I don‘t mind which part of the ride I take,“

„We can discuss that all later together, but thanks for your offer,“

„I can take the night shift too if no one else does,“ Kai offered earning a nod from the girlfriend.

„Probably the best choice for you as you‘re an active painter by day,“ Gerda mentioned making Alfida chuckle.

„What does he do best at night?“ Alfida asked making Kai shrug his shoulders.

„You‘ll see that tonight…..I guess,“ Kai responded glancing at Gerda, which shrug her shoulders and took back her form as human. „I‘ve been wondering if you were going to be like that for the entire ride,“

„There‘s no need for me to be like this for now. I better save my energies up for future needs,“ Gerda mentioned earning a nod from the brother.

The two siblings sat down together on the steps next to Alfida‘s steering wheel and looked above the wall to look at the sky to see a large field of grass only.

„Gerda…..what do you think. Did our swift actually make it to Spain or could he still be on his way?“ Asked the younger brother making Gerda shake her head.

„He must be on his way if everything is going well for him. It‘s hard to know if we can‘t see him,“

„Maybe I should have drawn something else or we should have sent it with the mail. At least we would know it would arrive,“

„Yes, I believe at the end of the day it wouldn‘t have mattered. Both are most likely to take long,“ Gerda mentioned.

„Maybe we should have really stuck with the easy way,“ Kai commented. „I really hoped this would have helped you,“

„You still did well to help me out. What would I have been without you?“ Gerda asked pulling her brother into a hug, making him smile, and place his arms around his sister‘s.

„Come, we‘re family. Family always sticks together,“ Kai mentioned.

„And don‘t forget friends. I‘m the one you two wouldn‘t have made it to find your parents or get into King Harold‘s kingdom,“ Alfida joked making Kai and Gerda laugh.

„Well, you‘re also part of our family, Alfida,“ Gerda mentioned. „You, Orm, Rollan. You‘re all important to us,“

„I see everyone except for Rollan as family, but I‘ve seen the many moments Gerda is happy when he is around. The reason I have trust issues with him was because of what happened in the past,“

„As long as he isn‘t causing your sister a bad time, you don‘t need to worry about him. If he does, just take that knife I gave you on one of our dates and stab him,“ Alfida suggested earning a nod from Kai and making Gerda wide her eyes in shock.

„You‘ve got a knife?“ Gerda asked in shock, then Alfida began to laugh at Gerda‘s reaction.

„She‘s just joking. I‘ve forgot my knife in the office of dad. It‘s more for self-defense,“ Kai explained looking at Gerda, which was glaring at him a little worried. „Hey I wouldn‘t kill him like that,“

„I got it. I‘m just shocked about the way you talk about Rollan after all these months he‘s been trying to show everyone his real self,“

„You know it‘s hard for us to believe what his character is like when we only knew him for about five minutes and the next thing we see is him destroying the troll kingdom and letting you back in the lava,“ Kai commented. „I know Alfida is on your side on this matter, cause she knew him from her mother‘s stories,“

„You mean this with the legends?“ Questioned Gerda earning a nod from Alfida.

„Yeah. No one had assumed Rollan would actually make it to the cave to the wishing stone nor that he would get possessed by the demon and get into a destruction mode,“ Alfida mentioned. „I‘m beginning to believe, Rollan wasn‘t to blame on that incident,“

„We probably will never as long as Rollan doesn‘t remember anything from that day,“ Kai added earning a nod from his sister.

„I had so many theories going through my head, what could have been, but we won‘t ever know, which theory is right,“ Gerda pointed out earning a nod from the brother.

„The best thing we all can do is to forget. I don‘t know, why we‘re now talking about alternatives. Just focus on the future, cause this is what matters now,“ Alfida mentioned earning a nod from the boyfriend and his sister.

„Good, I agree with it. By the way….what sort of books have you got in the cabin?“ Questioned Gerda making Alfida shrug her shoulders.

„You really should check it out yourself. I barely have checked a book the past two years,“ Alfida responded making Gerda chuckle and make her way towards the cabin, then Alfida took a look at her boyfriend, which leaned his back on the wall thereafter glanced up at his girlfriend and both smiled at each other.

#Снежная королева #the snow queen #snowqueen #snowqueengerda #snowqueenrollan #ecofinisher #ecofinisherfanfics #fanfiction #wattpad #ao3 #archive of our own #snow queen mirrorlands

[nitamaw-blog]

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES 🚼 PART #1

1995, August 11th, has been born a child of a soldier and a housewife. I don’t remember how I got out of my mother's belly. Which I must have been sure, at that time my mother was very strong at risking her life to give birth to me. And my father is always working hard for us as a family.

Since childhood, I have a nickname "dede" or "dede nita" because I am a second child and my sister is called "teteh" (call for sister in Sundanese). Therefore, the people around me used to know me with “Dek nita”.

I spent my childhood in Cianjur city. 

All I remember when I started kindergarten school, I loved school so much. My mom says I’m happy to read even I’ve read fluently from the age of 6 years. First, my mother opened a small shop in the Cianjur’s Terminal in front of Ramayana Department Store. My mother's small stall sells food and drinks as well as some basic foods and cigarettes. My father in addition to being a soldier also has a side job of having a public transportation (angkot) as well as an angkot driver. Occasionally my father’s angkot was also lent to other people and for the results. The lifetime of the terminal is very much in my mind. How not, more or less than 12 hours in one day I spent there. Playing in the terminal, learning, eating, everything in the terminal. Terminal people know me well. A lively child, a child of the army. Ha ha..

At the terminal, my friend was not only a kid of my age but also a lot of mothers and fathers I know well. One of them is very imprint that is an old women that I called Emak Bubur (porridge’s seller), Emak enjan (?) (I forget is this really her name or not) hehe .. This old women is very kind to me, I often follow her to her house when her porridge is gone. My mother also always allow me, because of her house in the direction of my house. Porridge store’s Emak right in front of my mother's stall. And her house is about 300-400 m from my house. And now, I don’t know her condition. Maybe around 10-12 years, we are not meet again. I hope she always in a good condition until we meet again.

Did you know? When I was a child, I used to feel a plastic bag seller during rambutan. Because my mother has a shop, I get the plastic from my mother. Before in Cianjur, when the rambutan season rambutan traders are very busy opening a stall in front of the terminal (in front of Ramayana). The seller of plastic is not just me, but also many other small children even adults. Plastic sales are important because rambutan merchants do not provide plastic for the buyer. Because happy to see people busy selling, I idly follow them. When selling, I have a strategy to sell it cheaper than other sellers. When others sell plastic with the price of Rp 500, I sell it Rp 300. Hahaha .. The buyers who see and hear me of course very interested. I can sell cheap price because I get the plastic from my own mother's stall .. wkwk 😅 After my plastic is gone, I go back to my mother's stall and calculate my income. How glad to be able to earn their own income at that time

Oh yeah, I have a old sister who is 6 years older than me. Like any other child, I love playing, and one of my playmates is my sister. Quarrels between siblings are often happening .. haha .. I as her young sister very often told to order many things by my old sister. But I love playing with my sister. One day we cried together because our kitten died in his own father haha .. Cruelly the cat's father. Oh yes, we used to have 2 cats, women and men. A female cat named "Si Manis” and a man called "Si Unyil”. I still have his picture on our family album.

And other things that memorable in my childhood when in Cianjur is my uncle. His name is Aa Epi. A Epi is the younger brother of my father. My sister and I were very close to her because she had lived in one house with us before she got married. Aa Epi often invites me to play and walk together. A Epi is like my brother because I don’t have a brother. After he got married and had children, I still play with him and certainly play with his son. Not infrequently I also eat together with them. However, the thing that I am most sad .. A epi has died when I was in high school. My last encounter with him was when I was in junior high (will be told next). Until now, I still remember my childhood with him. I wish A Epi calm there and accepted by Allah SWT. Aamiin ya rabbal aalamin..

And then, enough until here the childhood story of part 1. Here I show photos of my family when I was a child. In this photo, there is not my young sister yet (I also have a young sister. I will tell you in the next post.. ;) ). Can you guess how old am I at that time? :D

Thank you so much for reading my story..^^

#childhood #family #stories #nita

[slightlyloomingone]

Fic: Beautiful imperfections

(I finished DA:I and feel like I’m late to the party, but I also can’t stop thinking about my Inquisitor’s family. Usually I see stories of Adaar as children of a couple who rebels or escapes the Qun, and these are great, but I imagined something a little different. However, I’m also in love with the possibility of Adaar coming from a ridiculous large family, so. Here we go. P.S.: English is not my first language and this is only the second time I feel brave enough to publish something in this language. If the grammar is weird somewhere, I’d appreciate a message) - Kismet was born in the Qun, although she didn’t remember much of it by the time she was ten. She had never been a good student, asking too many questions as a child - “being a little shit”, Katari called, and laughed the loudest when she tried to pounce at him, but that came later. She was born in the Qun, not Kismet, but one of Tama’s little ones, until the day things changed. But at first she only knew life in the Qun, same as the others. Boring lessons and tumbling around with other children. And sometimes, at night, whispering horror stories of having to be fixed, but those she forgot with time (at least she told herself that, most days).

Tama was her Tamassran and she was big and old and wise and always knew how to soothe or scold. She had raised many children in the Qun, by the time Kismet came along, guiding them into their places in society and helping them adapt, fix what didn’t fit when needed. She told herself it was necessary for the whole to function, that struggling against their nature only hurt them more. Until one day those words weren’t enough and the possibility of having to send any of her children to the Ben-Hassrath made her take action.

Katari and Aqun had been Tama’s children once, before being placed in the Antaam. They were both good in their roles, but Tama had seen them grow up and knew they had just learned how to hide it so well they almost fooled themselves. One day, one of them would either go to the Ben-Hassarath himself or be forced to, and the other would follow soon after, too broken to continue alone. So Tama went to them with another option.

Honestly, the less said about the logistics of secretly removing ten children from Qunari lands and getting to the Free Marches the better. Especially because, in the following years, Katari and Aqun’s accounts of the entire scheme only grew more complicated and ridiculous (they never told the same story and Tama only smiled when questioned). Kismet eventually came to accept it was just enough of a crazy plan to work and left it at that.

(Later yet, she realized Katari and Aqun must have gone against their own kith to get away with it and stopped questioning their ridiculous stories).

She became Kismet in the ship journey away from the land of her birth. Tama picked the name and explained it was only hers for as long as she wanted it to be, but Kismet grew fond of it very quickly. She was mostly relieved she didn’t get stuck with a name chosen by Katari - at some point he ran out of names like Aban and Meraad and sprouted out things like Notas and Sataam.

Katari and Aqun found work as mercenaries or did small jobs in a nearby city to get them started. This was also how they decided to use the name Adaar as their own, which was quickly adopted by the rest of the group. They settled in a farm eventually - chosen for the absence of neighbors and relative proximity to the city - where there would be enough space for the little ones to run around without being afoot all the time.

Tama divided her attentions between figuring out what they could plant and raise in the farm and determining how exactly she should educate the little ones from then on. There were hits and misses. There were also a lot of practical lessons, which Kismet had to admit were more interesting than what she remembered of the Qun, but she didn’t find the work as fun as some of the others. She preferred to follow her elders into the city, which was a new place just waiting to be explored.

Being the eldest of the children - her siblings, she learned to call them - Kismet was usually followed by at least two or three (if not all) of the Adaar kids in every adventure. They could usually meet some playmates for a day running around until Aqun, who could find them anywhere, no matter how hard they hid, came to call the kids home. As she grew up and grew taller, however, the number of children willing to play with the Adaar diminished considerably.

Now, Kismet was never in the habit of picking fights. Aqun, Tama and even Katari had taught them early on that a fight for a stupid reason was a pointless waste of energy and, sometimes, attracted the wrong type of attention. Of course, the concept of “a good reason for a fight” was discussed often in the Adaar household, usually in loud voices arguing over whose turn it was to play with a toy or why it was an injustice that someone ate the last apple in the basket. Kismet had her own ideas on the subject.

For example, she never started a fight because some kid was mocking her, which happened often when her horns started to grow. Trying the same with her younger siblings was a completely different matter, however. On the day when she learned someone had called Meraad, her tiny, wide-eyed sister, a “knife-ear”, it took both Aqun and Katari to drag her out of the subsequent mess.

After that, the three adults decided to properly teach all the children how to defend themselves if necessary. They used to spar for fun before, usually the kids ganging up on Aqun or (most often) Katari, who played along more often and energetically, but this was different. It was controlling the strength they had and learning how to apply it. And then, once they were old enough, how to use weapons when necessary.

Kismet learned how to fight with Katari’s daggers, first, and at fourteen he got her a pair of smaller blades of her own, with severe instructions to only carry them when she left the farm and to never use them unless she or her siblings were in danger.

Some of her siblings would follow her lead and learn from Katari how to fight in quick and precise strikes, but Hissera and Aquaam favored shields and weapons like Aqun, who could become a stronghold in a battle. Katari obviously turned it into a competition and Aqun humoured his kadan by playing along as they tried to convince Asaara, who was more interested in learning the bow from Tama, that their own styles were obviously superior.

The years passed and Kismet, along with the other Adaar children, grew and got into trouble and loved her family even when they were loud and didn’t understand what privacy meant. She would look back on those years and say she was happy then, and she probably was. Tama learned how to keep bees after a summer in which every member of the household was stinged at least once. Katari became capable of standing still when he focused on his vegetables garden, which seemed to grow greener with each renewed season. And Aqun built fences to keep goats, which some of the children named, and then proceeded to focus on making cheese, selling the best results to people in the city from time to time.

They were trying to do things that went against the nature determined by the Qun, Tama explained when Kismet wondered about it. They had never been taught those skills, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t find enjoyment in it, even when things didn’t go exactly as planned. Watching how happy Katari and Aqun were when they got so busy with the farm that mercenary jobs were refused more often than not, Kismet admired them even more than when she watched them fight. Maybe this was when she learned that imperfection could be beautiful, who could say?

At sixteen, while helping Katari in the garden (she found it peaceful to work in it sometimes, even if she wasn’t obsessed like Sataam), Kismet was still the tallest among the Adaar kids, but a couple of her siblings got closer to passing her every day. The sound of yelling coming from where Tama kept her beehives got her and Katari on their feet and running before they could process what was happening, but the sight of the orange flames was visible even before they approached the burning beehive.

“What happened?” Katari yelled while Kismet watched the fire and wondered how could it burn so strongly even as the hive fell apart. Tama, who had been keeping the children away from the flames, ignored his question and put her hands on Ilkay’s shoulders, instead.

“My boy,” she said calmly “don’t be afraid. Just tell me what happened and we will find a way.”

Kismet’s ten-year-old brother broke down crying and admitted he had gotten scared when some of the bees started swarming and, before he knew it, the hive was on fire.

“I didn’t mean to, Tama!” He sobbed, shrinking under her hands. “I really didn’t mean to!”

Kismet heard Katari hiss the word “Saarebas” under his breath and suddenly recalled stories whispered in the dark. They have their lips sealed shut, someone had told her, because they are dangerous. But Tama hugged Ilkay until the fire ate away the hive and Kismet was among the first of the children to join them. Ilkay was her brother, no matter how many fires he mysteriously started, and she wouldn’t leave any of her siblings crying if she could do something about it.

Tama, Katari and Aqun talked a lot about what to do before the two set off to find some of their contacts, people who might be able to help Ilkay. Kismet, in the meantime, tried to keep her siblings from inadvertently making him even more afraid - Ilkay already did a good job of it and didn’t need to hear Aban speculating what the Chantry templars would do with a Vashoth mage on top of that. Tama spent a lot of days and nights talking calmly to Ilkay and reassuring him there was no way he would burn the farm down in his sleep.

Weeks later, Katari and Aqun came back, with company. Kismet had never seen so many Vashoth together, but the one who approached the front of the house where Tama waited like a sentinel still stood out. She walked with her head held high, a smile stretching the scars on her face, which were only a few of many. One of her horns was broken and she carried the biggest sword Kismet had ever seen on her back.

“Good evening! I hear you have a little firecracker we should meet here?”

Years later, after overcoming an embarrassing crush, Kismet had to admit that meeting Shokrakar had probably changed her life as much as being raised by her family as Vashoth.

She still wasn’t forgiving the other for partnering her up with Kaariss during one of his “inspired” moods anytime soon. -

Notes on the names: Most of the names are random words in Qunlat taken from the wiki. Tama: short for Tamassran, Iron Bull used to call his Tamassran “Tama” according to party banter between him and Cole. Katari: stolen from a multiplayer character, meaning “one who brings death”. Aqun: Balance. The Adaar children, from oldest to youngest are called: Kismet, Aban (Sea), Meraad (Tide), Asaara (Wind), Hissera (Hope) Eva (Basic or beginner), Ilkay (not Qunlat, the name of another of my Inquisitors), Notas (Gauntlet), Sataam (Boot), Aquaam (Glove). If you think I didn’t write small profiles for each of them, you are very much mistaken.

#Loony writes stuff #my fic #Gather Your Party And Venture Forth #Adaar #Inquisitor Adaar #Qunari Inquisitor #Adaar family #so many OCs #Qunari #DA:I #Dragon Age #Inquisitor

[iria-daerienne-blog]

Iria had taken a few days off from the library to spend some time at home to give Ash'toran her undivided attention.  It had been amazing to see just how far his transformation has come, even when there was still so much that she didn't know about him.  She remembered him in flashes as a child, someone that she had not gotten to interact with much, only because her mother had made it very clear that while they were family friends they had they had to leave them be.  Iria was looking for a playmate, but she herself wouldn't ever defy her parents' wishes.   

 "One day, my sweet girl, you will be wed to someone who values you for you." 

 Rhovanion's voice just kept playing over and over in her head.  Never in her wildest dreams had she envisioned her betrothal to be to someone who couldn't even remember how to -feel-, much less remember who he even was.  None of that mattered, however, in the grand scheme of things.  He would be welcome in her home as long as he wanted to be, and she would continue to nurture his growth and acceptance of the life he was to lead, once. 

Her eidetic memory took her to a place once where she had remembered walking with Alia's little brother Tevian alongside one of the many streams leading out to the ocean.  As long as Iria had known Ash, there was a nagging memory of him that she could never shake off, and she tried so very hard to think of why he was always so familiar to her eyes.

They were having such a fun time playing out by the river. Iria’s young cousin had been playing at her heels with a wooden sword as he was trying to depict himself as the Black Knight from the story she had just read him. She was fairly small in stature herself, even being considerably older than Tevian, but because she and Alia and Tevian were always together so much, they were mistaken for siblings quite often. At that point, Alia had vacated home in order to get ready for her lessons later on that afternoon, so Iria kept Tevian at her side while they roamed the riverbank for what seemed a few hours. They were constantly at play. Her father Rhovanion crafted a little wooden sword for his nephew, Tevian had also crafted a paper crown for Iria to play alongside him in his epic stories of “capturing the fair maiden”.

It was at some point in time where Tevian had started chasing Iria with that wooden sword; she squealed in laughter as they ran the forest floor completely barefoot while the younger cousin gave chase to the older. Iria ran smack into a boy that had dwarfed her in height but his eyes seemed younger than she. She fell backward onto her rear as she looked up at him. “I wasn’t watching where I was going, I’m sorry.” He looked down to her with a smile as he offered her a hand up. “No worries, I take walks out here so it was nice to run into someone…” They both had a chuckle at that comment as Tevian was following up close behind with his little wooden sword slashing this way and that at some of the bramble that came into his way. “I’ll smite the head of the knight who rescued you!”The taller boy picked Iria up with a laugh as he held her over his head a moment. Tevian kept trying to hack and slash, until finally he accidentally hit the taller kid in the gut with his sword. A small “oof” came forth as his leather tunic was hit fairly hard by the wooden toy. “HEY! That’s my princess. I stole her fair and square, get your own!” Iria looked down at Tevian and laughed. “I’m sure he won’t mind giving me back, Tevian. Oh, um…we didn’t catch your name.” She looked up to the taller boy who still carried her. 

It was then that Iria snapped out of her little reverie, and it was then that she out put down her needlepoint so she could speak with him.  

Roughly fifteen minutes later, she picked up the book that she had constantly read to Tevian while he was still alive. She hugged it close as tears were slipping from her eyes. “Oh Tevian, if you would’ve lived to see the life past your squireship, I’m more than certain you would’ve become an astonishing example of what a Blood Knight should be”, she whispered to herself. 

Ash'toran’s heavy plated footfalls alerted her as he entered the parlor, and her smile returned. She wiped the tears away with the flat of her hand as she kissed his cheek hello. “Have you been crying, Iria?” He looked upon her in concern as he slipped his finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up to meet his eyes. She smiled. “It was just a moment of mourning for a memory that constantly escapes me, nothing more, my dear.” She looked down at the letter that her father had written for her that he was supposed to give her himself the day that she was to be married.

Iria, 

While I have always been against this arranged marriage business, I believe that we have chosen well for you.  It is up to you now to figure out what your heart wishes.  If this marriage isn't to be, we'll know right away.  All that I ask is that you give Ash'toran a chance to be a suitable husband for you.  His father and mother are wonderful of character, and you'll know about his secret soon enough.  Do not mistake me; they are loyal to their friendships and I have known of no other man who would've been worthy of your hand.  

His father is one of my most trusted friends, and his mother is a special soul that is only seeking to better the world with every effort she puts forth.  As of now, the Magisters have found a way to unbind you from the bastard Ser'adars and have allowed us to move forward and pursue the Stormshatter-Starsurge bond.  I would not look a gift horse in the mouth; this has been a very rocky trail for us to tread.  However, with you as Ash'toran's chosen bride, I know no harm will come to you.  I know his father will have taught him how to be your sword and shield, your armor.  He values your life as I do and so, with heavy hearts, your Minn'da and I have made this decision for you so that you'll be protected the rest of your days to live out a long and happy life.  

If we've any grandchildren from this union, remind them that this was not an act of cruelty; in fact, make sure they understand that we do this out of love and protection.I love you and I am so proud to call you my daughter.  You've faced numerous hardships and yet you meet them head on with nothing less than your absolute cooperation and best smile, Surfal. 

 --Ann'da

Her teardrops hit the parchment repeatedly as he stood behind her.  Knowing she was in pain, he brought his plated fingers to rest upon her bare shoulders.  In reception of such a welcome gesture, she placed her own fingertips upon his. "My father put so much emphasis on how much he trusted and adored your family.  I met them only twice and I remember your father being so kind and caring.  Your mother was such an absolute pleasure to speak with." 

 One of the Dae'rienne family assistants interrupted the conversation as he approached the both of them with a letter upon a silver plate.  "My lady, a letter just arrived for you and Master Ash'toran.  A member of the Royal Exchange was the one to deliver it.  Please let me know if I can help with anything else."  

He turned on his heel and dismissed himself as Iria looked to Ash'toran in curiosity.

"Well, go ahead. Open it," he voiced in concern, his fingers never leaving her shoulders. Iria reached over to take a clean knife from the portable place setting and slice the letter open.

Ash'toran Stormshatter-Starsurge: 

Upon your marriage to Iridoria Azura Dae'rienne, you've been secured with an inheritance that has been granted to you by your parents.  Assuming their estate and finances, you are now the sole executor of the Stormshatter-Starsurge estate, as well as any holdings they had prior to their deaths.  Attached you will find keys to the Stormshatter-Starsurge account holdings within the Royal Exchange bank.  Please claim these articles as they will be forfeit to the realm within 180 days of this letter.  We ask that Magistrix Dae'rienne accompany you as she will be the next of kin to subsume all of your worldly possessions upon death. 

 Marcesti Solarflame - Banker and Account Retainer

No sooner had Iria completed reading the letter that she looked upon him in shock.  "Listen, I know you're not ready for this, but it's going to be an important step for you to accept.  You -have- to do this.  We need to see what your parents left for you because we may find some clues as to how to break this hold over you."  He let out a deep breath as she stood, walking around the couch she was seated upon as she wrapped her arms around his waist.  Her face buried into his plated chest, she breathed out her next muffled words.  "You can do this, I know you can." 

 Not two hours later they were crossing the gardens in a hurry to get to their respective mount in order to travel into Silvermoon proper.  Iria brought her shawl much more closely about her shoulders as he pulled her up into his lap, his arms around her.  His helm remained chained at his side as his plated fingers fisted tightly the reins upon his spectral warhorse.  His massive plated arms served as a barrier to her much tinier frame.  "You know I don't care for this title shit, Iria."  Somberly she looked up to him.  "It's not the title or the wealth to be worried about, my dear.  There is a letter from your father.  I have a feeling we are going to find out what truly happened to him."  His expression alone was enough to cry revenge against the monsters who had wronged his birth parents.  Krenistan's presence as well as the amulet's dark aura seemed to be distant memories now as he kicked the steed into gear and they rode for the city.

[yukiwrites]

Where Your Loyalty Lies [5/??]

Summary:  Kamui’s kidnapping didn’t go as planned – She managed to get away and ended up at Silas’ doorstep. They were raised as siblings, but she has always felt different; her fangs and red eyes and urges to run amok, what did they all mean? Will going to the castle as the Crown Prince’s retainer help her find more clues? Will the war between Nohr and Hoshido be the answer to everything?  

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Chapter 5: Taking the first step, at last

Eleonore went to visit that same evening and, after dinner, Kamui asked to talk. "Mother, I need to inform you of something, can we speak over tea?"

Silas looked over his sister's shoulder to his mother, who reciprocated the urgent glance. Lady Lantanoir nodded and took her daughter by the arm. "Certainly, my dear. What would be the subject?"

Kamui looked visibly uncomfortable and glanced to the sides before pulling her mother out of the room. "It's about my coming of age ceremony, Mother."

The lady's heart fell. Look at how her beloved child behaved at the mention of her own coming out ceremony! How it hurt a mother's heart. "Ah, yes." She managed to reply before being led to the tea room.

Once alone and with tea in hands, Kamui pressed her lips into a thin line; happiness and discomfort fighting a battle inside of her. She looked down to her own reflection at the tea's surface and suddenly shot up her head. "Sir Gallahard has given us the details of our... 'graduation ceremony', so to say." She bobbed her head at the term, not knowing which word to use. "He said it will take place three years from now."

Eleonore couldn't help but leave her mouth agape, her heart shrinking with worry. "So you will indeed follow the knighthood, my daughter?" She put away hers and Kamui's cup before taking the young woman's hands on her own. "And does that have any connection with your coming out ceremony?"

Kamui opened and closed her mouth two times before finally speaking. "I... know that we've avoided having public festivities in the past because of my... circumstances." She glanced to the side, as though she could look at her own ears, "and it's not my intent to bring any discomfort into demanding a party." Eleonore opened her mouth to retort, but Kamui raised her voice slightly, "AND that's why, Mother, that I want my coming of age ceremony to be the same as my graduation one. I will come out to society as knight, not as lady, that day three years from now."

Lady Lantanoir deflated after she had taken in air during her daughter's speech. She caressed Kamui's face. "Oh, my dear, I fear that you are bearing a most inconvenient misunderstanding. It is indeed true that we have avoided letting you out into outsider's eyes, but not for shame; perish the thought!" She placed a tuft of hair behind her daughter's pointy ear and lingered on it, thinking it cute, as she always did. "It is, however, much too soon to disclose such information."

They lingered into each other's eyes for a while, Kamui feeling hers burn. It wasn't because of her appearance? How her heart lightened with that information!

Eleonore's shone with an idea. "Ah, that'll do nicely." She nodded to herself. "Kamui, how about this: The day Sir Gallahard gives you both your title of Knighthood; I shall tell you the reason of your being hidden from the world inside our lands. That way, you will be able to choose between your newly acquired position or a quiet, noble life with a spouse of our choosing." She smiled and mumbled more to herself than to the girl, "and I was so looking forward to find a good partner for my little girl, too..."

"Hah!" Kamui let out a snort before covering her mouth with one hand and giggling. "It's fine, Mother. You can choose a partner for me regardless of the path I choose. Though you'll have to warn them of their marriage with a newly-knighted and that they'll need to come to terms with this."

"Ah, my dear! Are you certain?" She took one hand to her chest in emotion. "So I shall, then! But are these terms all right with you, darling?"

The girl nodded solemnly. "Of course, Mother. Thank you for taking care of me all this time despite such burden on your shoulders." She lowered her head in acknowledgement, feeling a thousand times more grateful for her family, even though the secret they bore eluded her.

"I assure you, it was my pleasure, my child. And knowing the considerate and loving daughter I ended up having, I would do it all over again."

"Oh, mother!" Kamui teared up, throwing herself into her mother's arms. Eleonore kissed her forehead and reciprocated the hug.

The revelation of that night was as though Kamui had been fred by invisible chains. It wasn't out of shame! She trained with more vigor than ever, especially after her Master's instructions of how to properly wield the weapons that best suited her: the axe and the sword.

"Since ya can't mount an' really focus on brute strength, ya need to defend yerself on foot." He had said as he handed her first practice weapon. It was an actual, functioning bronze axe. "Usually, to defeat mounted units, ya'd need a spear to counter theirs," he pointed his thumb to Silas, right beside them with his bronze lance. "But with that axe and my trainin', ya'll just need to smash the horse's knees on the opposite side of the mounter's lance! Bahaha!" He guffawed, throwing his head back in laughter.

At the time, Kamui only gave an awkward smile as a response, the color leaving her face. Of all the animals their master had instructed them to kill and eat, horses were the worst because they were friendly to begin with.

With time, however, that reservation came to an end. They didn't kill horses for fun, no, but Kamui came to realize her disadvantage by foot -- literally one wrong step would cost her head in a battle full of mounted units. She wouldn't be able to take pity of a horse in spite of her own life when the need came to be.

Technically, the axe had an advantage against the spear -- if the former managed to corner the latter into a defensive position; and a disadvantage against the sword, since the blade was easier and faster to maneuver. They trained with a wide variety of weapons of all sizes and shapes in order to find the one that felt the better on Kamui's hands.

Diligence and training made the young woman not only more comfortable in her own body but also helped her regulate her itches. They would mostly come around regardless of her wanting them or not, but she no longer felt the urge to destroy nor run amok; she could also suppress it for a few hours should it surface during the day or amongst too many people, albeit painfully. Her eyes would still shine and her hands would tremble, but she was succeeding.

Once she told that to her master, a mere month away from the battle at The Pit, he gave her the strongest back slap ever, making her stumble two steps before falling headfirst onto the ground.

"Tha's my girlie!" He laughed, helping her up. "Show this beast who's boss, girlie; I know fo' sho' ya can do it."

Her emotion almost made her forget the itch and she could feel the horns poking on her forehead as she smiled. "I will! Thank you, Master."

The approaching match made both squires intensify their training, despite Sir Gallahard saying that they should take it easy for the last thing they needed before the long-awaited day was an injury.

"As I said 'fore, the number o' matches changes depending on how many people are there to play," he said as though the battles that would decide their fates as knights were some kind of ball game, "but usually there're five matches, the final included. Kid's play, eh? Ya'll just need to get to the finals an' give yer best shot at impressin' me. I'll be at the front row an' all, so I'll hear if ye or ye," he pointed at either pupil, "ask to go easy! I ain't lettin' you off if that happens!"

Silas and Kamui exchanged glances and laughed at the manner of their master, throwing their heads back. "As if I would miss a chance to wipe the floor with my brother, Master!" Kamui pointed at the silver-haired noble beside her as he did the same.

"Likewise! I won't let you talk that way with your older brother anymore, Kamui!"

"Bahaha! Tha's what I wanted to hear!" He wrapped one arm around each of their necks -- Silas' now almost as tall as himself -- and guided them to the training grounds. "Now, no more trainin' with real weapons until the day o' the match! Yer gonna hafta get used to the weight of practice swords an' lances cuz that's all they're gon give ya there. Ya know, Crown Prince's orders an' all."

Both squires stumbled and chuckled with the act -- now that they were old enough to drink, their master usually wrapped his arm around their necks when he wanted company to chug down booze -- and nodded, their weapons on their belts.

"This match can't come any sooner!" Kamui exclaimed as she patted her master's back with vigor.

"Right you are, Sister."

According to her calculations, her next itch should be one week before the match; which was convenient, since it would take place in the capitol -- and it usually takes five days by carriage to reach the city. On the night preceding the itch, however, Kamui had an unsettling dream.

It felt more like a memory -- of happenings that her body could remember, but her mind did not. She had been having these kinds of dreams more frequently as time passed. Once she woke up, they remained in the back of her mind, much like a feeling more than a memory -- did she have four playmates as a child? Every time she woke up she felt the dream ebbing away from the fingertips, leaving only the impression of a past.

But that night was different; she had a most intense vision of fire, arrows, beatings and hiss of shurikens right past her ears. Of pain and warm blood dripping through the oldest scars she had on her body. Could that be the day she acquired them? How terrifying it was!

She heard a voice under her; a rasped breathing holding her motionless body with all it had. "I'll make it up to you, Lady Kamui! Please find it in your heart to forgive me!" The ear-piercing sound of a battle breaking all around them as well as the crepitation of a fire looming in closer muffled the boy's voice as Kamui's consciousness drifted off. "I will not let them take you!"

She opened her mouth to speak, a foreign name leaving her lips as she asked about her father. "Papa... is Papa okay?"

The little girl could not wait for the reply and passed out due to her wounds, her last thoughts of a man's back beset by a volley of arrows.

"Papa!!" Kamui sat on the bed, breathing heavily, her eyes as wide as they could get, her hand reaching out for something in front of her. Still under the atmosphere of the dream, but already feeling it slipping away, she felt her hands shaking as she brought them to her face. "What... was that about? 'Papa'?" The word burned on her tongue, as though she wasn't allowed to say it yet. "I've never called Father that way before..." She breathed heavily, her eyes trying to focus on the moon-lit bedsheets over her. "Are these dreams even for real? Or not...?"

She contemplated her trembling hands until her breathing stabilized, her head finally calming down despite her pounding heart. "What was I even dreaming about?" She pinched her own cheeks, "I never seem to fully grasp it after I wake up. Only those... unsettling feelings..." As her voice sounded, she turned her head to the side -- to the mirror on the far corner of her room. "Ah, I see."

Her eyes were shining on a bright red. So that was the reason for the unsettling feeling -- at least this time. Resigned to letting out some steam before sunrise, she looked at the wooden clock placed beside her bed as she slipped out of it. It was the third hour after midnight, a mere one hour and a half earlier than what she was used waking up to.

"Mhm. Might as well go straight to the training grounds after smashing some trunks around the mountain." She assured herself with a nod and went to the secret passageway behind her bed so as to change into her itch clothes. She had outgrown the sleeping gown she used as a child and started taking an extra pair of training gear with her whenever her previous ones got teared up by her little adventures in the woods. "And after tonight's I hope to have two weeks of break so I can go to the capitol and come back without making a scene." She whispered to herself, a bad habit she was mildly aware of but not completely conscious of its seriousness.

After she changed, she left a note by her bedside table telling Clara to inform Silas of her arriving early at practice the following morning and left through the hidden tunnels. She noticed that, especially during her itches, she could see better in the dark (and, unbeknownst to her, she could see better than most during the night; she just never had the chance to comment on that with anyone yet), so it’s been quite a while since she guided herself through touch alone and relied on her heightened vision instead.

Silas woke up with the mix of the night and the early morning air, minutes from sunrise. Today was the last day before they all set out to the capitol to take their long-awaited graduation ceremony at the Pit. Before he could even stretch himself, a set of knocks on his door made him allow the entrance.

Clara, their personal maid, had special ways of knocking onto the door depending on the situation – that time it was regarding Kamui. “My lord, Lady Kamui’s left this note addressed to yourself on her bedside.” And had her night gown neatly folded as well, she thought as she handed Silas the paper.

Despite their master’s acceptance of Kamui’s itches as well as her own fragile control over them, Silas still felt insecure every time he knew that she was running amok in the woods without him to watch over her – the memory of the first time he saw it happening never left his mind and thinking about it might as well give him an ulcer.

Before his worry could bleed through his expression even more, he nodded and crumpled the note, handing it to the maid. “Thank you, Clara. I’ll head to the training grounds right now; could you prepare mine and Kamui’s set, please?”

“At once, my lord.” She acknowledged and left, putting the crumpled paper inside her apron’s pocket.

Silas contemplated the sky before sunrise a few moments, thinking of what would Kamui’s reaction be once she found out about her roots – would she do as their mother wanted and stay put? “Hah,” he scoffed, knowing his sister too well. “She’s capable of marching to Hoshido on her own just to find out the truth.” He shook his head, trying to shoo away the heart-wrenching topics – just the thought of losing Kamui hurt him to no end – and finally got up.

Their sparring session that day ended with another win for Kamui: Now their score was 22 for her and 21 for Silas; and it would remain that way until the fight at the arena. Would Silas even the score or would Kamui distance herself even more from him?

“Brother, you seem out of sorts. Is everything okay?” Kamui asked as she extended one hand to help him up. “I don’t want this win to count if you didn’t come to me with everything you had.”

The soon knight-to-be shook his head, accepting his sister’s hand and getting up. “I was just thinking of the past and how far you’ve gone with controlling your urges.”

She squeezed his hand and smirked, proud. “Right?! I even managed to write a note and fold my night gown and everything! I bet next time I can even hold a conversation without stuttering or trembling.”

He placed his free hand over their handhold, then flicked her forehead. “You’ll have to learn how to turn off your shining eyes, though.”

“Ouch!” Kamui let go of the hold and covered her front with both hands, pouting. “You’re right, but I’ll get you for this here! You’re on; let’s go one more round!”

Silas picked up his wooden sword from the ground and pointed with his chin to something behind Kamui. “No can do. Look who came to pick us up.”

With her hands still over her head, Kamui turned around to meet Sir Gallahard. “Master!”

“Up and dandy a’ready, eh?” He laughed, taking one practice lance from its corner. “Despite me sayin’ for ye to stay put, ye both had to go an’ practice, ey?” He spoke with a harsh tone, in which both pupils almost believed, were it not for his battle stance. “Now yer gonna hafta take me down if ya wants breakfast!”

A playful smile ran from Kamui to Silas as they exchanged looks and took their stances; their master already closing in the distance between them. Despite already being able to beat Sir Gallahard even by themselves, it took the duo quite a while until they managed to land a hit on the knight – he went all out especially that day since it would be the last time they faced each other as apprentice and teacher.

“I know I’ll go with ye an’ all, but I gotsa say this now: Yer my best works yet, kids. I know the likes of this Pit won’t even compare to yer full strength so I’m not worried ‘bout you losing.” He raised his index, “and DON’T YOU DARE lose, ya hear? I wanna see you both kicking each other asses for the entire kingdom to see, bahaha!”

Once again the siblings exchanged glances, but this time they smiled proudly and nodded to one another. “Thank you for these eight years of guidance, Master.” They said in unison, bowing. “We won’t let you down.”

The trip to the capitol was as quiet as it can be with Sir Gallahard and his famous laughter on board. They would stay in one of their Master’s acquaintance’s mansion instead of an inn, allowing them a more restful sleep on the night before the match.

Kamui thought she would be more nervous – not for the fight, no, but from being around so many new people at once. She wasn’t wearing her usual braids around the head, so her ears were as visible as they could be with her long, fluffy hair down.

“Maybe I’m more at peace with myself after what Mother said.” She pondered by the balcony, once again talking to herself. “And tomorrow I’ll even put my hair up in a ponytail,” she looked up to the somber, ugly sky; it wasn’t her first time at the capital, but it never ceased to amaze her at how thick and dark the clouds that shrouded the entire city were.

The soon knight-to-be took a deep breath, relishing on the somewhat polluted air of the city and coughing with a smile. “Alright, no more night air for me.” She grasped her beaststone brooch, always by her chest, and gave it a silent prayer. “May my fight with Brother be as eventful as my master wishes it.” Then, she whispered, “and may we get the Prince’s favour as well. The more authority we have, the less lives we’ll take once in command.”

The next morning, Sir Gallahard welcomed them with his usual laughter and banter. He became serious once they reached the door to the underground city, however.

“Yer gonna go inside a place unknown even to the King himself, lads an’ lasses.” He slammed his hands over his pupils’ shoulders. “Don’t take yer eyes offa me an’ don’t go lookin’ around. The Pit’s close to this door an’ now’s the last time we’ll talk. Once we reach there, Imma going to me seat an’ sleep ‘til the finals.” He lingered into either apprentice’s eyes. “Only the sound of yer amazin’ battle will wake me up, so don’t go lettin’ me down now!” He quickly hugged both nobles then smacked their backs before turning to the entrance to the underground city.

Both siblings exchanged glances and nods before silently following their master, their faces a concentrated frown.

As instructed, they didn’t look around, though the better term for that would be that they didn’t feel like looking – they had a goal that day and it was to be focused on their fighting skills in order to finally obtain the title they’ve been devoting half of their life to. The inside of the underground arena was too eye-catching to avert one’s eyes of, however. They had to enter the hidden city through a guard’s tower, walk for a few blocks and enter a trapdoor leading further down in order to reach it.

The entrance was on the upper part of the elliptical first story of the three floored arena. The door they took was one of four: for the competitors. Another one was for the peasant public; the other was for the nobles.

The fourth entrance was hidden under a wall, only used by his Highness Prince Xander and his aides. Kamui couldn’t help but glance all around, taking it all in (especially the sultry and heavy air from being so deep into the ground topped with the poor ventilation). She followed her master closely, taking notes of the floors under them that were divided into caveas for the audience and, of course, of the round arena in the middle.

“Now I see why it’s called The Pit.” She murmured, stretching her neck to see the fighting grounds as her feet took her to the registering office. Sir Gallahard had already pre-registered them through mail, as required, thus leaving it to the apprentices to only sign their papers in order to receive the participation badge alongside the fighting uniforms.

The wooden weapons would be distributed at the changing rooms before each fight; it wasn’t required to use only one kind of weapon throughout the tournament, making the challenge even better for knowledgeable warriors.

According to their registration numbers, Silas and Kamui were placed on opposite sets of brackets, meaning that the only time they could face each other would be on the final. Before heading to their specified side of the arena (Silas would enter from the left side whereas Kamui would from the right), they exchanged looks and nodded at each other.

“May the best soldier win, Sister.” He said solemnly, giving his hand for a shake.

Kamui smirked and took it, squeezing it with all she had. “Can’t wait to wipe the floor with you!”

The tournament had three matches of either bracket scheduled for the morning, totalizing six matches before noon. The quarterfinals, semi and final would take place after a short afternoon break. Kamui’s first fight was against a seasoned mercenary.

Despite remembering that her master said he would be napping, Kamui couldn’t help but glance at his seat before the bell rang. Gallahard was wide awake; clapping and cheering like a proud parent.

“Haha!” The young woman laughed before taking the first move with her sword, catching her opponent off guard. “There’s no way I can lose with that much cheering!”

Even though it wasn’t her first fight against a stranger (Sir Gallahard liked to bring mercenaries over to freshen things up), Kamui didn’t feel insecure for not being able to use the weapon she excelled in. Only different kinds of wooden swords and lances were allowed and, still, she felt invincible! Surely her Master’s cheering brought the best in her.

The morning matches came and went without any trouble, in spite of the participants of Bracket Right not being able to watch the fights from Bracket Left and vice-versa. The so-called afternoon break was just a small period of time necessary for the change of shift between the guards and attendants – only enough for a quick rest.

From the Royal entrance, two hooded figures made their way in, taking advantage of the bustling of clerks left and right.

The hooded man from behind sighed heavily. “My Lord, is this really necessary?” He complained. To think that he was so content that morning because his liege didn’t mention coming to watch the first matches. How he wished they’d stayed.

“Humph,” the man at the front snorted, walking at large steps towards the cavea connected to the special entrance they used. It was a secluded and out-of-place seat, making his arrival quite conspicuous.

Which was why he always took the hidden staircase towards the nobility cavea. It spiraled in the dark until it ended on a secluded door close to the attendants wing. Only he possessed the key.

The lord stopped in front of it and took a step to the side so his aide could be the one to open it. The second man lowered his hood and groaned, swiftly opening the lock. “I didn’t hear the answer, my lord. Surely because of this place’s terrible acoustics.” He said as he opened the way.

The still hooded man walked through the door, finding an open seat close to the back wall and pointing his chin towards it. “You did not hear because I did not reply to it, Richard. You are sounding more and more like Iago lately.”

Obediently, the aide went to check the seat’s surroundings before nodding to his liege, who concurred and thanked his retainer as he sat. Richard then loosened the knot of his cape around his neck and pulled his long, dark hair up, adjusting his side tail.

“Please, milord, never again compare me with that snake.” He huffed. No matter how many times they went there, he would never get used with the thickness of the air.

“That was indeed low of myself.” He said with sincerity, however it did not last until his next remark: “do find it in your heart to forgive me.” He placed one elbow over the seat’s armrest and settled his chin over his palm. Before Richard could scoff, he added: “And yes, we do need to be here, friend.”

Losing the timing to retort to his lord’s previous snarky remark, Richard deflated and sat on the ground beside his liege. “Yeah, whatever you say, Lord Xander.”

Kamui reinforced the bandages on her hands after winning the quarterfinal, feeling giddy inside. “Only one more match and I can face Brother.” She chuckled and asked to change weapons – the wooden sword she’d been using since morning was cracked and had barbs sticking out of it.

After testing two out, she chose the one that suited her best and once more walked out of the gates towards the round arena. The cheering of the audience thundered in her head, making her smirk grow. Again did she look around, not noticing the two new hooded figures on the cavea two floors above on the opposite side of the field.

“Hey, hey! We’re not allowed to kill here, but you’ll tell me how you got those cute ears, right?” A childlike voice brought Kamui back to reality and she focused on her next opponent: A twin-tailed young woman. Kamui raised a brow at her impossible hair color: It was a gradient mix going from blue to pink, and half of her face was covered by her bangs.

Kamui got in her fighting stance while observing the young woman before her. She used a wooden spear, making Kamui wonder how that fight would play out. “I was born with them.” She said curtly, discerning her master’s cheers from the crowd’s.

The bell rang.

The girl hopped on her feet, a wide smile on her face. “They’re soooo cute! You wouldn’t mind if Peri ripped them off, right? You’ll still be able to hear and won’t die, I swear!” She swung her spear abruptly, the smile never leaving her face.

Kamui jumped back and threw the sword to her left hand. She bended over, flexing her legs with the intent of jumping. Peri twirled her lance with both hands around herself, stepping towards Kamui, covering all sides in an astounding speed.

Before Kamui could react, Peri jumped and aimed the tip of the spear on her pointy ears; which she barely managed to dodge, jumping sideways. She felt a sting of pain as a small wound covered her cheek. “She’s good!” She whispered and smiled, wiping the blood off with the back of her hand.

“Awww, I missed! Stay still!” Peri wailed, then screamed, running towards Kamui once again, raising her spear to deal a blow from the left. Kamui jumped over Peri’s head, rotating midair to land while looking at her back. “Stay… Still!!” Peri yelled before turning back, but Kamui had already thrown her wooden sword in blue-haired woman’s direction, which she reflexively deflected with her spear. Peri’s head tilted in confusion. “Are you giving up? Why did you throw your weapon, silly?!” She laughed, running towards Kamui with the tip of her lance ready.

Kamui sneered and jumped, this time using the lance as a step before doing a somersault and landing behind Peri once again. The blue-haired woman lost her balance and tripped, falling headfirst; which prompted Kamui to swiftly take the lance and spin it in her hands.

“Oh no, I’m just getting started.” She laughed, kicking her wooden sword towards the woman whose rage was displayed on her reddening face.

“That… HURT!” Peri yelled, running to Kamui, getting the sword off of the floor while doing so. She closed in the distance between them and struck in a mad rage. Some of her attacks being deflected only made her strike at a greater speed.

Finally the exhaustion from fighting five almost-consecutive matches started to catch up to Kamui. She knew she had more stamina than the common man, and that every other participant at this point had already felt it, but she couldn’t help but admit: She had been looking down on her opponents ever since her first win.

Her tactics had consisted on playing with them by tiring them out and striking after they were fed up – much like how Peri behaved at that very moment. But Peri wasn’t like the others; she was strong, fearless and bloodthirsty. If Kamui didn’t finish the fight soon, she’d end up seriously hurt.

Taking advantage of an opening, the silver-haired woman spun her lance and pushed Peri to the wall, intending to deal the finishing blow. However, the battle-ready noble didn’t think twice in using the wall as a step to jump over Kamui’s head and strike on her side.

“Gakh!” Kamui gritted her teeth in pain, feeling something break in her ribcage; but managed to twirl her lance and throw the sword on the floor once again. Losing her weapon wasn’t enough to make Peri flinch and Kamui saw in her eyes that she would go down in a fist fight if needed.

Before she could, however, Kamui took a step back to get impulse and stuck the back of her lance on Peri’s diaphragm, making her instantly lose consciousness.

Her concentration had switched from the cheerings to the fight in such a deep level that Kamui was momentarily deaf, hearing only her own rasped breath and heartbeat. She instinctively took one hand to her side, checking the damage. The audience’s roar made her shoot up her head. “The Murder Doll lost!” Some yelled. “She defeated the Murder Doll!” Other screamed.

“THAAAA’S MY GIRLIE!” A voice stood out from the rest and the knight-to-be smiled and bowed to her master before leaving. She noticed that he cheered her on more to make her snap out of her trance than to congratulate her – she had let her guard down and now had to fight the final with a handicap.

She had forgotten, however, that all of the conditions for her knighthood had been met: She had made to the finals and, if she knew her brother as she did, he would also be there.

“Richard.” Xander’s voice sparked with amusement.

“Yes, my lord? Are we done?” He grumbled, side-eyeing his liege from his sitting position.

Under his hood, Xander pointed with his chin towards the winner as she excused herself into the gate to wait for the next fight. “Who is that girl?”

The dark-haired man sighed and followed his liege’s gaze to the field, finding only the defeated woman as she was being carried out by the medics. “The Murder Doll, milord? Her name is—”

“The winner, Richard.” The prince said in a matter-of-factly tone. “That ‘Kamui’ girl.” He shifted his position on the chair so Richard could hear him for the noise around them made it hard to have a conversation. The retainer’s face was bitter in displeasure, nevertheless. “That last attack broke at least one rib – nay, two; but she managed to make use of her upper body strength to not only knock her opponent’s sword away, but the woman herself as well. How will she fight the next battle, however? Healing between matches is forbidden.”

Unamused, Richard scanned the arena with his clear-blue eyes, the side tail he’d adjusted previously itching on his neck inside that godforsaken hot and humid place. “Have you made your choice, then?” He once again glanced at Xander, “it’s the first time you got interested on someone since we started coming to these.”

“Hm… Patience, my friend. She still has one final match to fight.”

At the changing room, Kamui ripped the undershirt she came with so as to wrap the cloth around her torso. It wasn’t recommended in the long term for treating broken ribs, but she only needed the pain relief for that one fight; it was forbidden to heal between matches after all.

It wasn’t long until a servant came to call her and alas, after both opposite gates opened, she saw her brother for the first time ever since parting earlier that day. The woman forgot the pain as she exchanged proud smiles and acknowledgement nods with her brother.

They were both wielding lances, as she knew he would since it was his specialty. The audience was eerily silent, mayhap because of the final’s significance. Even their master sat quietly with both arms crossed and a serious gaze – he was no longer the proud parent cheering on his pupils, he was now the teacher evaluating his students.

The bell rang, but they stood still, the audience in a nervous anticipation.

“Good luck to you, Brother!” Kamui’s voice reverberated through the arena as she raised her spear in defiance.

Silas responded with a side smile. “May the best soldier win, Sister.” He replied, taking a step towards his fellow squire.

From his seat, Xander narrowed his eyes at the interchange. “Did the Lantanoir household have a daughter I am not aware of, Richard?” He asked without taking his eyes off the siblings.

The black-haired man lazily looked at the arena, and then glanced at his liege under his hand whose arm was resting on his knee. “I couldn’t say, milord. I did hear about them having a lady of age inside their manor, but she never made a public appearance. Would you like me to look into it?” He asked without hiding his dissatisfaction.

“I would.” Xander replied at the same time Kamui risked a feint attack to Silas’ right, which he easily deflected with his lance. Their weapons were close enough for their tips to touch, now. “You are displeased, friend, and I will not condemn you for being so.” The prince spoke without taking his eyes off the fight, “yet it is necessary for us to do this in order to choose your partner. You have—”

“Been serving you on my own for too long, yes. Whatever you say, my lord. I will comply with your wish regardless of liking it or not.” He replied bitterly, then risked glancing at Xander before asking: “You’ve set your eyes on the girl or will you chose the better one of the two? They are both from a renowned knightly family, albeit a inactive one.”

“Hm… Indeed they are.” Xander watched as Silas took the upper hand by thrusting constantly, giving Kamui the trouble of deflecting and dodging as she circled the arena, avoiding the wall. “Yet, have you seen how she fights?” He raised his chin to the pointy-eared woman, who had deflected yet another thrust, but now spun around her brother to stand behind him.

Richard narrowed his eyes at Kamui. “By deceiving and back-stabbing? She jumps around as though she doesn’t know where to strike.” He pursed his lips. Xander chuckled.

“Swift, Richard! Look at the control she has over her weapon and body – she knows her technique isn’t the best, but her stamina! She outmaneuvers her opponents and deals strong blows – stronger than she looks able to.” Xander moved in his seat, enthralled of how she almost danced while she fought. “And behold,” he extended his hand to the blow Kamui took to her broken rib, “she stands her ground even under her serious wounds–”

“Habit of which should be trained and erased completely, if I might be blunt, my lord. A soldier in less than top shape cannot fight a war pretending to be so.”

“Ah, yes, Richard. But do you see? Under conditions of extreme need, she would stand her ground and fight beside her liege or cause, regardless of wounds or who she would be fighting against.”

Before the royal retainer could retort, the audience gasped as Kamui took the upper hand and managed to twirl around her brother, dealing countless blows around his body.

“What’s wrong, Brother? Not pulling any punches on me, I hope?” She taunted, smiling. A smear of blood left the corner of her mouth, certainly from her rib wound worsening inside of her.

“Youthful arrogance.” Richard shook his head as Xander’s smirk widened.

“I expect that report on her later this evening, Richard. I will busy myself with writing an invitation for the Lantanoir regarding their attendance to the next royal ball.”

Richard sighed, resigned on obeying and already planning on how to come up with a training regimen for that girl. “Yes, my lord.”

Despite momentarily getting the upper hand, Kamui knew that she was on her last spur of stamina. Silas had trained to exhaustion to match his sister’s energy, and he could say proudly that he accomplished his goal – however, he, too, was nearing fatigue; oblivious to her wounds.

He made use of an opening and rolled under Kamui’s extended spear towards her body and repeatedly struck her torso while holding his own lance horizontally.

“Gak- Hah!” Kamui steeled herself, pulled her weapon and used the momentum to strike it right on Silas’s face—or so she thought. He managed to avoid it by dodging sideways and reached her back. Oh no, I messed up! Kamui thought as their eyes met before he dealt the last blow on her broken ribs.

Gallahard almost broke the armrest of his seat as he watched that – he, too, had noticed Kamui’s wounds and could only narrow his eyes in sympathy as she fell on her knees, holding her side.

Panting, she threw her lance away and lifted one arm, signaling her loss.

The spectators blared and threw all sorts of items towards the arena, as custom: from confetti to vulneraries to even candy. Silas extended his hand to his sister, both still out of breath.

“That was a great match, Sister. We’re even again.” He winked as she coughed and wiped some blood out of her mouth. He bended over to look closely. “Did I break something? Good thing they’re throwing all of these vulneraries.” He looked around in search of a nearby one, but a hand on his shoulder made him stop.

“This season’s winner, ladies and gentlemen!” Gavin, the announcer, had ran from his seat at the second floor until the middle of the arena in record time, his voice being amplified by wind magic so the entire Pit could hear it. “We hope that this wasn’t enough to break your family apart, eh, lad?” He laughed, elbowing the silver-haired man.

“Ahahah…” Silas laughed awkwardly, scratching his cheek. Meanwhile, the medics had come for Kamui from the other door. He turned to her but before he could say something, she smirked and pointed to the audience.

Sir Gallahard was screaming and cheering and waving. “THOSE’RE MY PUPILS RIGHT THERE! NEWLY KNIGHTED AN’ ALL!”

Both siblings snorted. “I’ll see you at the back, newly knighted!” Kamui said and left through the medic door to receive healing magic. 

“Yeah, you too, newly knighted!” He whispered, almost ignoring the excited announcer beside him, who was congratulating not only the champion but all participants for another amazing tournament.

Gavin took Silas’ hand and lifted it overhead. “One more cheer for our newest champion!” He exclaimed and the audience – Gallahard included – complied. Then, he turned to the no longer squire. “You may withdraw the prize money from the reception desk where you registered. Congratulations again, Champion!” He patted Silas’ back and guided him to the exit. “Thank you everyone attending and don’t be strangers!” He bowed, officially closing another successful tournament at the Pit.

#fire emblem fates #corriander #xander #silas #finally can put xander's name yess #wyll #where your loyalty lies #my writings #some things might be familiar for those who read the oneshot~ #richard #i really love him

[aumolc]

Source : Google photo of Prayagraj Kumbha Mela fair.

Synopsis : The home town has a special place in the heart of all who claim it as their own even if they do not live there anymore. My home town is also special to me after all these years although I now live in another country that has no resemblance to it in any possible way. I share with you what makes my home town so special that makes me nostalgic even today.

I always get a bit nostalgic when I think of my home town where I was born, raised and went to high school and later college. I believe that everybody has a special feeling for his or her home town because we all spent so much time there , played with our childhood playmates, went to school together and proudly attended college together. It is where all of our childhood and early memories were made and registered, never to be forgotten no matter where in the world we live now.

We knew all the different parts, all its landmarks, played in its parks and went shopping in various markets. It is where we bought our books and got our clothes made by our favorite tailors. It is where we knew where to buy our favorite snacks and where to look for the best bargain. But most of all we remember our home town for its unique character, aroma of its food and fruits, its festivals, its circus , its museums and its numerous charms.

Source : Google photo of the hospital in Prayag where I was born

Source : Google photo of Minto Park where I played as a child

Source : Google photo of the college I attended. Our campus is a beautiful one and has been made more so by plantings trees everywhere and now with numerous new buildings and departments.

Source : Google photo of the library of our college where I used to spend a lot of time.

But like everything else in life , I also notice the inevitable changes that have taken place since I left it so long ago. Change is the law of nature so my placid and sleepy hometown that I loved and reminisce on has undergone tremendous changes that are hard to believe. It now has a modern airport where jet planes land, wide boulevards illuminated by neon lights, numerous circular parks in cross sections where many statues of national heroes  are placed. There are elevated roadways, overpasses, 6 new bridges on the river, newly refurbished railway stations, new fancy malls, restaurants and 4 star hotels in large numbers. Soon it will have a new metro crisscrossing the city.

My home town is so old that it was mentioned in our scriptures that were written thousands of years ago. It was then known as Prayag where a great sage called Varadwaj rishi lived near the banks of the sacred river Ganga. Lord Ram stayed with him in his ashram for a while as well as Buddha and many such historic people but a thousand years ago Prayag was really not a city as it is now but full of trees and wild animals . Only a few people lived here then.

When Mughal Emperor Jalaluddin Mohamed Akbar came to visit Prayag, he decided to build a massive fort and laid the foundation of a city nearby that came to be known as Allahabad or the city of Gods in the 1600s. Only recently that name has been changed and the old name of PrayagRaj has been restored.

But the city grew slowly along the old Grand Trunk Road that runs through it and remained a poorly planned place with narrow irregular streets and blind alleys until the British came to rule India and laid out a grand city with strictly grid patterned wide roads and a huge central park where they with their ladies strolled in the evenings. This meticulous planning of the British has given the beautiful character that the city enjoys but even they will not recognize it now.

They built the railway bridge on the Yamuna river to bring the railway lines to the city and beyond, built the university that is still called the Oxford of the East, built a great church in 1871 that is a jewel of Gothic architecture and established numerous English schools that provide excellent education to all. They set up the High court, a grand public library that is another example of superb Gothic style, numerous other churches, a grand memorial for the Queen Victoria in the Alfred park , numerous colleges of higher learning, posh areas in the newly planned part of the city called the Civil Lines where they all lived in fabulous mansions of Indo European designs.

But mainly they built very large cantonment areas where they kept their troops and made the fort their main military outpost from where they controlled the state. The fort still remains a military fort today where it is difficult to visit but once I obtained a pass to do so to see many grand palaces of kings and queens and the pillar of Ashoka.

Source : Google photo of the old Railway bridge on Yamuna that I used to cross everyday to go to college on the other side.

  Source: Google photo of the old Railway bridge on Yamuna that was brought from England and assembled here long ago. It is a very busy bridge carrying railway traffic above and heavy vehicular traffic below. The river level is high during the rainy season.

Source : Google photo of the modern bridge that now graces the river while the old bridge is seen in the distant background.

Source : Google photo of Sangam meaning the confluence of two rivers Yamuna and Ganga in Prayagraj where the blue waters of Yamuna and whitish water of Ganga do not mix and where the Hindus take a dip to obtain Nirvana so it is a very Holy place.

Source : Google photo of Hindu pilgrims taking bath in Sangam in Prayagraj

My home town is famous for its Kumbha mela that is held here every 12th year when millions of pilgrims come here to bathe in the Sangam. It is the largest congregation of pilgrims in the world so Prayagraj sets up a huge temporary city to accommodate them.

Source : Google photo of Kumbha Mela in Prayagraj held every 12th year

The massive fort of Prayagraj is still a military outpost but some pilgrims are given access to its limited area where there is an underground temple. The dolphins used to play here just near the fort when I was a kid but they are now extinct due to poaching.

Source : Google photo of the massive fort in Prayagraj built by Emperor Akbar in 1600s

Source : Google photo of the mausoleum of Khusro in Khusro Bag who was the son of Emperor Jehangir. The park has several other mausoleums of Mughal royalty.

Source : Google photo of the interior of the mausoleum of Khusro in Prayagraj

Source : Google photo of the Church built by the British in 1871 in Prayagraj that is a classic example of finest Gothic design

Source : Google photo of the Public Library built by the British in Gothic style of the past century that has over 600000 books and documents.

Source : Google photo of the place where the statue of Queen Victoria used to be when I was a kid but now the name of the park has been changed to Shahid Chandra Shekhar Ajaad memorial park . The statue of Victoria now collects dust somewhere.

Source : Google photo of Chandra Shekhar Ajaad who died here fighting the British. My father heard the gun shots while going to his office that day.

Source : Google photo of the University of Prayagraj also known as the Oxford of the East was set up by the British as the second such university in India in the past century. It has produced many great leaders of India. On its gate reads the inscription Quot Rami Tot Arbores in Latin meaning as many trees as the branches.

Source : Google photo of the museum famous for its large collection of artifacts found in Kaushambi among many other objects.

My home town is no longer a small town but a large city with modern jet port, rail hub and a very busy business center as well as the education center of the entire state. There are medical colleges, agricultural universities, main university, printing technology college, Institute of technology, Institute of management, Sanskrit academy, head office of the board of high school and intermediate colleges and numerous other educational institutes that are too numerous to mention here.

My home town is known for many things but one thing that stands out is the food. The variety of food available will boggle your mind so I will give you just a few examples here to make you salivate.

Source : Google photo of famous food in Prayagraj

Source : Google photo of street food in Prayagraj where lassi tops the list.

One fruit that has made my home town famous for its sweetness and size is guava.

Source : Google photo of guava from Prayagraj that is very sweet and famous.

I wish I could include many more photos here showing the beauty of my home town so I will post a power point here that will show you all the rest .

My home town does not look the same and feel the same as it did so long ago because of many changes that have taken place since I left. The transformation continues at a breakneck speed the way all of India is changing. My childhood playmates are as old as I and some of them have died while others have moved to other parts of India. Many have sold their houses to relocate elsewhere. Our family home has also been sold and we the siblings have scattered to all parts of the country so there is nothing that ties me to my home town anymore. Although I have decided to live in a country far from my own and die here ,there is still this pang in my heart when I remember it the way I used to remember it.

A friend once said that we can all leave but never go back. How true!

  Note : My blogs are also available in French, Spanish, German and Japanese languages at the following links as well as my biography. My blogs can be shared by anyone anytime in any social media.

Mes blogs en français.

Mis blogs en espagnol

Blogs von Anil in Deutsch

Blogs in Japanese

My blogs at Wix site

tumblr posts    

Blogger.com

Medium.com

Anil’s biography in English.

Biographie d’Anil en français

La biografía de anil en español.

Anil’s Biografie auf Deutsch

Anil’s biography in Japanese

Биография Анила по-русскиu

  My home town Source : Google photo of Prayagraj Kumbha Mela fair. Synopsis : The home town has a special place in the heart of all who claim it as their own even if they do not live there anymore.

[janicawrites-blog]

Blog Entry #7: Psychodynamic Development

My dad told me the story of how he grew up in a four storey building with his cousins. Each floor had a different family or relative. They would go to school together everyday. And because there were so many of them, in one month, there’d be multiple celebrations. One example is the month of May; there’d be a birthday party on May 5, May 19, May 20, and May 21. He had a fun childhood because he had a lot of playmates and relatives he bonded with. It was one big family. 

I think one intergenerational pattern is that we actually still do this. My family also lives in a building today. The other half of our floor houses my dad’s older brother and his family. Meanwhile, in my grandparents’ household, two families from my dad’s siblings live under the same roof. My dad’s other siblings also live nearby in the same neighborhood. I think this pattern is really helpful because for a really big family like ours (my dad has 6 siblings, all of whom have 2-4 children), being nearby really helps the family bond. It’s easy for us to meet up and we grow up to become very close with one another. There’s never bad blood in the family, but we do have a lot of good memories together. 

I don’t necessarily think that this pattern should be continued by living in the same roof, but it can be continued through frequent gatherings or a time for the next generation’s children to meet up and play. It’s the best way to learn how to socialize and get along with other kids or people. As for me, being an introvert, having cousins that I get along with really helped me learn how to integrate with other kids in school. I remember having a difficult time in my pre-school and elementary days because sometimes, the kids would be mean. But my cousins would always give me advice and tell me how to peacefully confront the other kids without having to start any conflict. 

One story my parents often tell me is how I never complain and that I always understand. It has happened multiple times but they always mention one specific story about me wanting a doll, and when they say they won’t buy it, I didn’t throw a tantrum. I just said ‘Okay’ and moved on. I was about 4 years old. This attitude is still one that I have. It has actually evolved into a feeling of contentment. Now that I am exposed to more knowledge and experiences, I realized that I don’t need a lot of things and that the things I want should be a necessity. 

If I relate this experience to Erikson’s Stages of Development, I would be at the stage of Initiative vs. Guilt. I’ve always been a very easy kid to raise. I obeyed my parents and never caused any trouble. I never even experienced drawing on the walls or on places that I shouldn’t. While my parents (especially my mom) would often be very controlling, she would always explain why the rules are the way they are. And I think this reason is why I didn’t really have a sense of guilt and leaned more towards initiative. I understood the purpose of why I had drawing books, and I understood why they refused to buy the doll; I already had 10 waiting at home. All of this is because my parents explained everything to me properly. 

For my Erikson’s Stages of Development Scale, I would illustrate myself as

Trust vs Distrust - 10

Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt - 7

Initiative vs Guilt - 6

Industry vs Inferiority - 9

Identity vs Role Confusion- 8

I grew up with three primary caregivers: my mom, dad, and aunt who also served as my ‘nanny’. I’ve grown up always knowing that I’ll have people to support me in whatever I do because that’s the care they showed me as I grew up. 

I believe that I was given a certain amount of independence as a child, though my autonomy decreased as I grew up. I remember growing up and being able to choose my own accessories, to the point I had half an arm filled with bracelets. Though I may not be allowed to do certain things up to this day for safety reasons such as riding public transportation on my own, I do have a sense of independence. I mean, I am able to live on my own with no relatives in Quezon City all for the sake of going to college. 

I also think that I have grown up with a sense of initiative. I do know that I have a purpose, and that everything else in the world has purpose. But my parents also made enough rules that I grew up being very reserved, and I would be guilty if I break these rules today. I developed a strong sense of conscience to the point I am incapable of even saying a tiny lie. 

I’ve always enjoyed doing art. My parents helped me hone this talent by allowing me to go to art classes during the summer. They know I’ve also wanted to try being more extroverted, so they supported me as I went on to serve 2 years in our high school student council. It was in these little things that helped me reach my potential and perhaps reflect on what I can do better.

Currently, as a result of the previous stages, I am mostly very sure of what I want to do in the future. I want to become a lawyer and help those who need it. But I didn’t give this a full 10 because sometimes I find myself doubting this chosen path. My parents let me try a lot of things and it has led to some confusion. I decided to stick with being a lawyer because it has always been my childhood dream. As I grew up, my choices did broaden, and it does result to a little doubt and anxiety about choosing law. 

[mslizardo1-blog]

Clinch

Holiday of August 2002. As a child, I was centered on the idea of our tradition (as I take my parent's example) which is to hold the family whatever odds it may take even you are only fixed. By every Sunday school I had attended it becomes my goal. I will be a perfect mother to my kids and wife to my future husband and even many says, “their lives sucks because of the extended family they have” I will make sure that I am with connection to my big extended family. Declared.

By chance, I was to stay at auntie's place which I would not deny I like the most. Imagine: The huge place fully furnished on the right corner of a subdivision compound facing the large rice field which I cannot see in the city; the two refrigerators full of fruits, chocolates and milk with this note “you can have all of those as long as you can finish what you open”; above all, the huge bathtub which has its own huge cabinet full of milk, soap of different color, and paper sticker that was for the skin hairs as I described it. So, I remembered myself bathing in the huge tub with jelly like liquid soap scented with vanilla, milk (which is quiet unfair because of the tiny amount poured), and my favorite green soldiers stolen from my Brother Rafael’s battalion. I was dumbfounded every time I take a bath there because it is friendly to my eyes not compared to how mama bathes me. I always cried because of soreness as the soap being pressed to my face with the line “you are so lazy bathing and fond of playing”. My hands were crinkled as I raised it from the water. It has been a while but I don’t like to stop. Just in time as auntie was on sight.

“You must dry yourself now. It's late. Besides, I will go somewhere” she stated with a smile on her face.

“It won't take long swear” I plead.

“Sorry, I must be going” saying as she raps the towel to my body. “look it is already nine” pointing in the analog clock above the bathroom’s mirror that is adjacent to the head of the tub.

“Ok. But you told me I can go with you on my birthday right?” as I tried to insist myself.

“Yes, but not this September, count 3 more birthdays” she laugh at me as she gives me hope.

After a while the house was covered with silence when I decided to turn off the television set on aunt’s room.Auntie will be home as early as she could as promised..

I was enjoying the luxury that she is giving me. The attention that I specially get from her makes me feel special. I tried to fold again and again the clothing that was from Japan which was printed with Hello Kitty. And I am excited to show it to my father -my new pink radio cassette. I will give also the share of my siblings especially to my youngest sister. There was this emotion that I cannot explain and even quantify. The word I can compare it would be-I am happy.

As I was about to bed myself, a continuous knocks echoes on the house. IT GOT to be auntie. She’s back too soon as she promised.

Then, I run on the door to open it. I am never wrong about her. She keeps her word. As I open the door with a full smile, I was wrong it was not auntie. It is Kent our neighbor and indeed he is close to the family so I let him in.

“What can I do for you?”asking him as we both got inside.

"Hi, your auntie ask me a favor of getting some stuff in the kitchen and you must go to sleep.” he said.

So I do what he told me to. I am now in the room and decided not to keep the things that aunt gave me and let it stay on the long couch at the feet of the bed. I turn the lights off and settled on the bed. I am really grateful to have such a caring aunt who treat me as her own daughter. I already closed my eyes when hands touched me. Anxiously, I pulled myself yet it is not so alarming as I open my eyes-it is just Kent.

“You scared me” I tried to calm myself and throw a small laughter to ease myself. “do you need some----” I stopped by acknowledging a knife pointed on me.

“’don't dare to shout or else ill kill you” he stated as he sweats.

I started to cry when a noise came out of my mouth “mooommmm”.

“Make noise! So I can kill you and whoever you cared about. ”. Then I bit my lips to stop making any noise. He started to draw the knife even nearer to my neck. I can feel it on my skin. Then, he removed my pajamas. I cried even harder because even I was just in second gradeI knew where was this heading. I heard about it on news. On my mind;

I am shouting, pleading that someone can be there to help me. I thought about my parent and seek their presence. Where are they? They had promised to protect me- to be my guiding light but they’re not there…

As he do his intent. The darkness of the room was as dusk of what I’d felt. I can’t breathe. Then, he takes the life of his cigarette by marking my knees and even to one off my private parts. I can no longer feel my legs. I just look away. The physical pain doesn’t meet the emotional and mental pain that bothers me on the journey that he took to satisfy his desire. He was on senior years the brother of my playmate.

He moved and I cried.

He was stealing my dreams

… my whole being…

---- it was a nightmare that is rushed to the point of asking the God that I am serving… I am a born Christian, why me???

As the wounds heal, the scar was left for me to remember that I was a trash.

Nobody knows! Aside from my bunch of diary that has to be burn every New Years Eve as my made ritual. Why? Because I am afraid that ends on finding someone to blame. I started to hate myself, my parents with their feeding of fantasy. I hate fairy tale’s the happily ever after. The world is cruel…

I only dream to have a wonderful family a husband and kids yet that is impossible as the teenage life begins. Who would ever accept me? I am a shame on our family- to our tradition and a trash of the society. Sooner and sooner it became a delusion. Nightmares of my night.

So what is the purpose of serving the supernatural divine being? If the world is made to be ruining the life even it is not your choice? From then, I want to be normal…

2 Corinthians 10:5

Casting down imaginations and every high things

That exalteth itself against the knowledge

Of God, and bringing into captivity every

Thought to obedience of Christ.

Admit. I haven’t realized that all through out there is Someone I know who is crying with me every night of my nightmare and hugging me in my dark room and guiding me all my way. I was blinded by anger that I tend to neglect His plans for me.

One way of how He set me free is meeting a person who accidentally read my journal. That person cried and hug me (that was my first hug after the incident) “you are a loving person you just wanted to hide it. Many will accept you if you will let them understand you.” And followed by another person I met on a spiritual seminar who shares the same story as mine. She is confident and never shed tears upon sharing it. She had moved on.

God chose me to undergo this struggle because He knows I will sooner let go and be strong. He knows that if I and my sister will be given the choice to which it must happen, I will take it.

Now, I share to friends and youths the hug that they need and listen to their stories. Even it takes thirteen years before I finally let people know.

Soon after graduation on the time my parents would think I can live alone it will be their turn.

Ecclesiastes 3

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.

The healing starts when you forgive yourself- caste away yourself pity, the change starts when you accept your destiny, and finally joy will reach you when you choose to let go…

[that was written 3 years ago.. Just wanted to share it. To answer your question, Yes that is a non fiction-memoir)

(i suck at grammar)

#memoir #positive mental attitude #positivethinking #my post #positivity #positivevibes