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dawnoftime22 · 3 days

Text

I love you.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 12

Chapter Warnings: None, I don't think

Summary: The day you chose a path for yourself was the day she also made her very own choice, and the weight of the world was lifted without any more time wasted.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.6k

Category: Hurt/Comfort(?), Fluff, Fluff, and FLUFF!! oh, did I say...? Fluff.

A/N: idk if the beginning is lame? but I really hope it isn't - In compensation of all the angst and finally, to put an end to this series, I give you, the last chapter. It's been an incredibly fun adventure :] this might be the most tender chapter (or fic) I've written yet. I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I have and I'm really really happy at the amount of support I see some of you give me. ily ily all<3 I'm back in my groove HEHEH!!!

P.S: this is better with reputation on or the series playlist. ;] (specifically starting at fortnight or anywhere at the bottom)

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/03/2024, 8:16 AM |

| Finished on 13/05/2024, 4:15 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 11

"I'll end the torture I put on myself...and the one you put on yourself, because no one ever deserves such a thing but love."

(I will never not love that picture of her<3)

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

The rain earlier sheened the streets with gleams of reflections. The lampposts glowed in a warm orange. It was cold, but in the most cozy way. At least, if you were under a blanket. Right now, your body was shivering and your hands might soon go numb if you stayed outside any longer.

Windows of shops were bright with light, bars were dim with crowds of people, and a creak of a door from an old aged store thats always been there, ever since you first visited Kate.

There was a group of people, laughing heartily from a joke as you walked by. They seemed kind. On the other side of the street was two people, a couple perhaps, smiling gently as they shared a small cake, enjoying theirselves. Another, was walking hand in hand.

You sighed, keeping your hands in the pockets of your jacket in the meanwhile. At least it was some type of warmth. It may not be another hand, but your jacket was your friend.

The apartment ridded your bodily shivers, but your fingers were definitely entirely numb and redder than usual as you closed the door. Meanwhile, golden fur brushed against your legs and just barely appeared in your vision below you.

Leaning down, you smiled softly, scratching Lucky behind his ears before kicking your shoes off and moving to sit on the couch. Or rather, slightly fall atop it. You closed your face with both your hands. All this silence, pining and desperately waiting was driving you crazy.

Lucky had laid down next to you, looking at you adorably with his one eye. Your body was lazily laid down, but you shifted to hug his cuddly figure, him instantly snuggling into the embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, and he didn't move at all until you pulled away, sliding your phone out from your pockets. The time showed on the front screen, with a wallpaper of you and Nat at the aquarium.

The urge you had to change it to something else. But you couldn't-- it was too precious. You sat up, then moved to stand, finding your contacts app.

Yes, you might also throw up soon if you stared at your contacts any more than you already have the past few months, but this was something that had to be done.

The room was quiet as you paced the floor, your feet padding against the wood quietly. A notification came in that had you flickering your eyes to your phone again, but it was just an indication of Kate adding to her Instagram story.

Checking, it was just a video of her showing off her archery skills and having fun with her friends from class. Well, while she was out having fun, you were dying with a decision you had to make.

...You shouldn't think like that. In fact, you were happy she was much happier than how you felt. Ah, who are you kidding? You shouldn't even think about it at all. Your screen went back to your list of contact names.

The one at the bottom you've been dreading to even lay your eyes upon appears into view. You didn't text or call her. Instead, you went into the detail view.

A button with red text held itself in place. Red was danger. Sure. It meant it was a risk and it needed you to go through a confirmation step first. But for you it was the opposite.

Block this contact?

Are you sure?

Finally after a moment of hesitation, you tap on 'Yes', and the name disappears. You had stopped your pacing long ago and now you stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating the option you chose. Just like that.

You had made your decision. It was time to let go a while ago. But something held you back. At least until the redhead came along, gently making herself at home within your heart.

Lucky stared at you as your shoulders went down, and you couldn't tell if it was in despair or relief. Maybe both. Asking her the question that shouldn't have been asked.

You shouldn't have done such a thing. You had messed up. A whole lot. Now you had nothing but yourself. Why did you even dare to?-- because you wouldn't want to get yourself stuck in something you feared would take yet another year's time to heal from.

Realisations after realisations were overcoming your head like a crow cawing at you to snap back into reality. Maybe a walk by yourself without interruptions did the trick after all.

You shook your head, going back to the couch, taking a seat that you definitely needed with everything happening. She's all thats been filling up your memories lately. So much, to the point that her hand prints were all over your soul.

You should call her up, but what if she hates you now? Considering the disappointment you've gotten before on a phone call, you had doubt poisoning all over your veins.

A sigh left your mouth for the hundreth time and you put your phone on the couch, setting it aside. You needed time, and she probably did too. Plus, if you continued any more, having just gotten over a single step of blocking a contact, you might as well faint if you even look at your messages with Nat.

Lucky rested his head on your leg, looking up at you knowingly as he felt your tiredness. Your hand settles on his fur, going through it gently.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Nat was staring at her phone as she walked outside, her teeth sunk into her lower lip. She's been pacing in front of her apartment, having just finished drinking some hot coffee at a nearby shop. She thought it would calm her, especially with the rain earlier and the cold night air.

But, it only made her energized, her mind going more aware. As coffee is supposed to do. Really, she should have just gotten tea or a hot chocolate and maybe she would have been fine.

She's been looking at your text messages, ones thats been sent days ago now. Neither of you had talked in so long. Or at least to her, it felt like centuries, ages. She hoped desperately to magically see a text appear from you of saying something, or perhaps that you'll appear at her apartment.

But there was nothing. It was a fault of two sides, neither was really in the wrong, but if neither said anything, it'll simply slowly die.

She felt your distance, and she knew your mind was possibly getting just as loud as hers was. She had to do something, and fast, or the negative possibilities of whatever could happen would become reality.

Her legs started walking continuously forward rather than pacing, deciding to go towards the apartment you were at. She stored her phone in her pocket, determined to get to you rather than let it sit any longer.

She could never possibly hate you. She wouldn't even if she could. The moon and stars had disappeared, the clouds having covered it up. She didn't need their company, anyway. But the rain did come along to be her company.

Great. It was heavy, and people outside retreated to nearby shops and restaurant. She didn't follow them. Thank god for her jacket, but it was still all the more freezing cold.

Her walking slowly speeds up. Then, the splashing of boots running across the sidewalk sounded out through the streets.

Red car lights were in the reflections of the road, blurred from the rain water. A horn sounded out somewhere, probably for a stubborn person looking at their phone as they sat at a stop light. But she couldn't bother to see what it was at all.

The redhead, getting hit by the rain from every angle as she pants, almost out of breath from all the steps she's taken. If the sole of her feet wasn't firm on the concrete, she probably would have slipped.

But, she gets closer with obstacles and needing to find her way through people before she soon arrives. She takes a couple deep breaths after breathing through gasps, her lungs absolutely getting a work-out from the running.

Nat swallows down the burn in her throat, slowly recollecting herself and standing up straighter. When she looks up at the windows of the apartment, the lights are on.

It means you're here.

You're home.

Nat walks close to the door, a little calmer now and her hand goes up hesitantly.

She knocks on the door, but an answer awaits for far too long. Too many seconds.

She looks at the doorbell button.

She presses it.

A ringing that goes through the house can be faintly heard, before some gentle footsteps grow louder, nearing towards the front door.

It opens, and she sees you.

You were blown away by the sight in front of you. Almost quite literally from how windy it was outside, too. Nat, drenched in the rain, and out of breath as if she ran all the way here, because she did. You were definitely going to faint now from the sudden appearance.

Yet, at the realization of the sight in front of you, the two of you having just stared at each other, your face instantly fills with worry and concern. "Gosh, Nat, what are you--"

"I love you!" she blurted out, cutting you off in your sentence. Her voice was determined as she stared at you in such a vulnerable way, her eyes wandering your face to see your emotions.

You stood there, as she kept getting drenched from the rain. She thought she lost it all because you had shock visible in your eyes. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn't have-- But your gaze softened, and you stepped back slightly to let her in.

She steps in, a confused and curious expression on her face at your silence, but she lets you close the door before watching you turn around.

You went closer, your hands going to cup her cheeks as you leaned in until your lips softly touched. She had met you halfway, her own hands instinctively landing on your hips. Finally.

You could feel the cold rain on her lips before you pulled away slowly, but resting your forehead against hers, her breath warm against your skin.

"I love you, too," you whispered, but from how close you were to her, you didn't need to be any louder. Her heart had skipped a beat, and her lips raised up, absolutely in joy of your reply.

"We've switched roles...except you got the worse part," you let out a chuckle, tugging on the soaked jacket she was wearing that did nothing to protect her from the cold, until your eyes landed on her soft forest green eyes.

She gave you a soft smile, but her body shivered. Her boots were practically filled up with water, and the water dripped to the floor, but you didn't mind.

"Let's get you dried up," you said, going off to your bedroom to grab some towels for her. "Um--" She stood there for a moment, wondering if she should follow you or not.

"You can use my bathroom, come on." You urged her as you draped a towel over heer shoulders and went behind her to gently push her forward.

Her cheeks blush a pink tint, but she walks forward, going into your bedroom. As you were grabbing her some clothes, she took off her jacket, and pulled out her phone.

"Oh--" she pulled out the cassette player she brought from her apartment, pulling it out from her bag and placing it on your bed gently. Thankfully, it was dry and didn't get hit by the rain.

"I...fixed this up. It wasn't the belt. I mean, I replaced it anyway, but some parts had dirt covering them," she said, looking up to you as you walked back to her with a shirt and sweatpants in hand. You raised your eyebrows, intrigued at how she did it herself when you forgot.

It looked like it was brand new, shining brightly with the dim light with you inspecting it. You then went to grab a cassette tape from your shelves and your headphones to plug in, then you test it.

She had unfolded the t-shirt you got in the meanwhile, keeping herself occupied instead of just watching you. She held it up to her frame, seeing that it was just about the same size as hers.

You smiled softly, listening to the music and looking at her. "This sounds...amazing. You did good work in this." At that, her face lit up, and her smile reflected yours.

"Thank you," she said gently, putting the t-shirt back on the bed to wear later, her hands settling on the towel on her shoulder that kept her warm, even if its just a little.

"Now go, take a warm shower before you freeze to death or something." You gestured to the bathroom door, and she quietly giggled as she turned around, going off to shower.

Your gaze was adoring as you watched her go, then you went back to looking at the cassette player, shaking your head at the incredible handiwork she had.

Then, noticing the curtains of the apartment were still open while outside it was nighttime, you decide to go forward and close them, putting the cassette player down with your headphones. Of course, making sure you paused it rather than letting the music playing on its own.

Once done with the bedroom curtains, you gently shut the door on your way out to the living room, letting Nat have her privacy as you close the rest of the curtains.

One view of the windows though, had caught your attention. It was the larger window Kate had in her apartment, so it showed a perfect view of the sky and the city.

The night was starry now, the rain having settled down and the clouds dissipating. As you stood there admiring the moon and trying to figure out which white dot was a star and which one was a planet, Nat had come out the bedroom, wearing the clothes you gave her.

She stands beside you, gazing up and following the direction of your eyes. Nearly all the planets were shining in the sky, surprisingly enough.

Her hand gently intertwined with yours and her eyes fall back to you, a soft smile gracing her lips. Feeling the warmth of her hand had you turning to look at her, heat rising to your cheeks.

"Ты галактика (Ty galaktika)," she whispered, her free hand going up to gently cup your cheek, her love genuine in her eyes. You smiled softly, your heart jumping in joy.

"Does that mean galaxy?" You guessed gently and curiously, finally getting the chance to ask of one of her sentences you couldn't recognize.

She nodded gently, and then realized you still didn't know the full meaning. "It means you're the galaxy." She whispered, making your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise at the deep meaning, having thought it only meant one word.

You breathed out a chuckle before leaning in to gently capture her lips in a tender kiss, as if it was on instinct, a habit you had already developed naturally, when you haven't kissed each other ever since the first, or even seen each other in days.

But oh, you were depths upon depths in love with her. She returned the kiss, pouring her heart and soul into it, and your bodies fit each other like puzzle pieces.

Considering you were slowly moving towards your bedroom, you reached to the living room lamp when you were close enough, turning it off, knowing you wouldn't be going back into the room and Kate wasn't going to be home until tomorrow. Something about staying at her mom's? You didn't know, but you couldn't be bothered when your fingers entangled in red hair.

When the darkness grew, so did your passion. After a while though, you parted, pausing for a moment with your forehead rested against hers. You breathed in through the space between the two of you, your breaths colliding on skin and mixing.

"Does this make us..." You start in a whisper, but trail off, hesitant to say the word. The corners of her lips tug up in the meanwhile. It was time, and she was ready to jump into it with you.

"Lovers?" She suggests slowly, feeling your hand on her chest that rose and fell with her shallow breathing. You nod to her question, confirming that was what you wanted to say.

"Yes." She breathed out before her lips leaned in and continued to meet yours softly, her hand traveling from your waist up to your back. For the moment, the world only held the two of you.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

You now laid against Nat comfortably on the bed, sitting in the dim lighting as the crickets quietly chirped in the background. You nuzzled into her neck for a moment as you wrapped your arms around her shoulders.

She gently rubbed her hand up and down your back, resting her cheek gently against the side of your head. You then turn your face out from the crook of her neck, looking up at the redhead.

Natasha smiled softly, her eyes meeting yours as she gazed into your loving eyes. She couldn't help but feel a sense of peace and happiness wash over her with someone, for the first time.

You shifted yourself by firmly gripping her shoulders and pushed yourself up, your legs on the sides of her hips as your hands went to cup both her cheeks.

"You're so pretty." You whisper softly, your thumb gently rubbing her soft skin as she stared at you, her smile growing wider.

"And you're..." She wanted to return the compliment, but paused, unable to find one that was completely perfect for you, because you were simply too gorgeous.

"ты красивая (ty krasivaya)," she then said, and you raise your eyebrows, but your heart was still beating with love for her, knowing it definitely meant something that was going to make you fall for her further.

"...What does that mean?" You asked, tilting your head in curiosity. She giggled softly, noticing that you looked like Liho whenever she got curious.

"It means you're beautiful, моя любовь (moya lyubov)." She leaned in closer, keeping her eyes on yours. You loved how smoothly it comes from her lips.

"And that?" you ask. Even though you could guess, you wanted to make sure, and to hear her translate it into English for you only made you fall deeper for her.

She blushes slightly, but replies nonetheless. "My love," she whispers, shaking her head. She nuzzles her nose against yours when she leaned in closer, making you giggle softly.

"I love you," you said under your breath, feeling her hair gently tickle your fingers as you still had your hand cupped on her cheeks.

"I love you, too," she replies, going in for yet another kiss. You moved your hands down, wrapping around her neck once more.

Your heart was soft and your shoulders held little to no weight at all on them as you lay in this moment with her. It was as if nothing could lay a finger on either of you. You then pull back slightly, staring into her eyes.

"You know, your eyes are so green," you whispered softly, even though you've stared into them a thousand times. She blushes, but smiles.

"I can listen to your compliments all night if thats what you want," she commented, her voice raspy yet gentle. Her hand had gone under your shirt gently to trace gentle patterns on the skin of your back.

"I would very much love that," you said through another giggle, leaning ever so closer to her. You placed your hand on her chest, her heartbeat thumping against your palm as you settle beside her.

Nat pulls the covers up gently up the two of you, making sure you were warm and comfortable. Every touch of her hands held care and gentleness, making your heart swell.

She trails her hand off to your cheek, gently placing it on there. Your eyes flicker down to it, and you lean into her touch, smiling. She rubs her thumb in a slow back and forth motion.

Your eyelids slowly fell to a close, the gentle motion soothing you to sleep. The broken pieces of your shattered heart had been picked up, and she was careful enough to put it all back together.

end of chapter 12, and the end of this series. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 11

In decision you'll hone, but you too shall run from the option you were given. Then find acceptance and it will be forsaken.

"All the things I didn't do for the sake of my mind." - R.

"All the things I shouldn't have done, but did anyway." - N.R

"...Everything I should have done." - W.M

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#🥀 dawn’s collection #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #soft natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff comfort #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader

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deepestnightcolor · 2 days

Note

Hi! I love your writing and how you picture Sam 💛 Could I make a request? Like Sam taking the farmer to Zuzu City? Could be something romantic? Something else 👀 Sam sharing part of his past maybe? It's up to you, thank you 💖

ᴀ/ɴ: Hehe...So I can explain, really! No, I can't really. I don't know what happened here, my fingers had a mind of their own and this just happened! I hope you will enjoy! Thank you so, so much for your request and the compliment <3 I love writing Sammy Wammy!

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Sam (SDV) x GN!Reader

ᴡᴄ: 2608 words

ᴍᴅɴɪ ✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: trauma, angst, daddy issues(?) THERE'S ALSO FLUFF AND SOFTNESS!

☾ ʙʟɪɴᴅɪɴɢ ʟɪɢʜᴛꜱ ☽

He was fidgeting next to you in his bus seat, and he had been for the last half an hour, worsening the closer the two of you got to Zuzu City. It was either his leg bouncing up and down, or his fingers wandering through his hair, just to comb it back into place moments later. Every now and then he shifted around on the seat as he tried to get comfortable, just to return to bouncing his leg.

You had been watching Sam, your hand wrapped around his, thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin. You had rarely ever seen him so nervous. Energetic, yes, but this was pure and simple nervousness. Still, you hadn’t dared to ask about it just now, knowing that he would tell you about it when he was ready.

“Oh, look, a baby cow!” You called out, leading your intertwined hands to the window to point at the passing baby animal. A chuckle rumbled from next to you, a pair of blue eyes being mirrored by the window. “Like you don’t have some running around your farm almost every year?” He teased back, making you smile at his reflection. “Well, you see me almost every day and still get excited like a lovesick puppy when you see me, don’t you?” Another chuckle, lighter than the first one had been. His chin found its way on your shoulder so he could follow the blur of scenery with you; his voice now incredibly close to your ear. “Guilty as charged and yet blameless,” he murmured against the shell of your ear, pressing a soft kiss to it, falling back into his seat.

Sam had surprised you with his wish to go to Zuzu City pretty much the evening before. He wanted to show you something, he had explained. Refresh some memories, maybe. He had been very vague in his reasoning, but the look in his eyes had told you everything you needed to know; that he needed you there with him. And who were you to refuse your Sammy boy? You had gotten up a little earlier than usual to care for all the animals, even early enough to get under the shower and throw on a fresh change of clothes before meeting Sam at the bus stop. He hadn’t been nervous then, but there had been a rubber band around his hand, which meant there was something he didn’t want to forget. Instead of asking him, you had pressed a kiss to his lips, enjoying his bubbly conversation as you got on the bus. However, his flow of words had slowly begun to cease the further you had gone from Pelican Town, and instead, his nervous fidgeting had picked up.

“Look, Zuzu.” His words were barely audible. A mere whisper, almost drowning in the sound of the growling motor. Still, you had heard it, and you had looked ahead to see the city building up in the distance. The sight always filled you with a feeling of dread and thankfulness. Memories of Joja cooperate bleeding into the feeling of hope you had when you took the leap and started your journey to become a farmer. You were pretty certain these conflicted feelings would have an impact on your voice as well, but Sam’s was filled with a hint of fear, an edge of respect. It made you wrap your arm around him, press a kiss to his cheek. Whispering “You’ll be fine, I am here,” in his ear. Sam gave you a smile of gratitude, almost shooting up from his seat when the bus came to a halt.

Hesitation kept him in place, but then his hand reached out for yours again, only moving forward when he felt the warmth of your palm against his, and how your fingers ghosted over his skin. He wordlessly took the bag you had brought, shouldering it while the two of you hopped off the bus.

There was no need to ask the blond what you would do now; his long legs set a fast pace, leaving you no other option but to follow. You stumbled through streets that you had once known and that seemed to be natural to Sam. He weaved the two of you through the onslaught of pedestrians, working against the flow like he had never done anything that wasn’t this. Every five steps he looked over his shoulder to check if you were still following him, as if his hand didn’t hold you to him like a leash. Not that you minded, quite the contrary; While Sam seemingly had no problem navigating through the masses of bodies, through the twists and turns of the city, you certainly weren’t used to this anymore. It was loud and fast and felt like everyone was pulling you away from your beloved, like they were tugging at you. Too many bodies, too much noise, and you could have sworn that the two of you were getting lost in the city’s gaping mouth- until you weren’t.

Sam had abruptly halted in front of an apartment complex, his eyes searching the rows of windows for a particular one. Suddenly, his hand flew forward, pointer finger leading your gaze to a window that seemed like all the others, but had the man’s finger trembling. “That’s…That’s where it all started.”

If this had been a video game, you would have been sure that any moment now a soft soundtrack would start playing, underlining the impact that this place had taken on Sam, but also pointing out the trust he must feel toward you to be sharing this with you right now.

“We were living here. That was the window to my room – if you squint closely, you can still see the imprints my stickers have left on the window…I put them there when mom wasn’t looking. We didn’t get them off- not until we moved, anyway. When we moved they complied almost immediately. It felt hopeless when I peeled them off. Like the last act of rebellion was giving in…”

He bit around his lower lip, obviously considering if he should go on. Really share this with you. What if you thought he was weird? Melodramatic? But then there were your words. So soft, so understanding. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me…But I am here. To listen. To support you.” Since there wasn’t any music, you pressed around his hand, trying to underline how serious you were. It seemed enough for your boyfriend.

“We moved around a lot, you know? And I always…Ya know, I always was the class clown in school, but that didn’t mean I had many friends,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “moving around a lot meant changing schools a lot. And this… this was the first place I erm…I felt good to be at. I didn’t feel completely hopeless when entering like I did everywhere else. We got settled here. Mom really worked on making this place our place. It felt like…Yes, like we would settle. Even my grades got better, hah! I don’t think I ever got grades that high again.” His knuckles turned white with how hard he was holding on to his backpack strap, the fond smile that had been adorning his lips now a bitter grimace. “It was summer. Hot and loud, like today. I think Vince was about three when we got the letter. I picked it up, and it felt like…Like it was fucking burning my hand. I don’t know. It felt weird, it gave me the urge to throw it away. But it was my father’s, and who was I to throw my father’s stuff away? Especially a letter? Now I wish I did, but- but I didn’t. I brought it to him, I was happy that awful shit of paper was off of my skin and the feeling slowly stopped prickling on my hand…But when I saw my father’s face. Fuckin’ hell. He looked at me like I had told him I had gotten three girls pregnant and was running away from them – so disappointed and angry. He told me to go to my room, and really, fucking really, I had never been so confused in my LIFE.”

Sam had now begun wandering up and down in front of the building like an animal caught and chained to a wall, too nervous and fierce to sit still and accept its fate, but too weak to break free and run away. You followed his steps, attempting to show him that you were here by kissing his arm and sometimes knuckles, by just humming and caressing him, and it seemed to work as he slowed his steps.

“Turns out – he was called in for the war. I delivered the news that my father was going to war, you know? My dad, a garbage man. Drafted for a war. From then on out, it was like doom had moved in with us. Mom and dad kept having screaming matches in the bedroom. My mom didn’t know what she should do, my dad screaming back that he would serve, as that’s what he needed to do. For this country, for us. My dad, barely able to look me in the eye anymore. Me, not knowing what I had done, why I was to blame.”

There was a smile on his face, this time sour. “Can you believe blaming your kid for having to go to war?” He sighed, and you only now realized that he was sweating. You felt helpless, as if you saw the little blond boy right in front of you, so pained, so confused- “I tried to make it up to him first because I felt like I had to. Showing him my best grades, showing him the new skills I had learned. Showing him projects I started, but he didn’t- he told me he had more important things at hand. The screaming matches kept up, and I- I don’t know. I stopped paying attention at school again. The friends I had were the only comfort I had – my dad apparently hated me, and my mom was so busy with Vincent and preparing for my dad’s absence…Don’t get me wrong. She did everything for us. But- I didn’t feel seen. I felt invisible at home, but I had my friends. At some point, though, they sat me down and told me we would move. To Pelican Town, where it was safe. Safer than here, at least. I threw a complete temper tantrum, kicked the table, yelled at them. I even ran out on the streets. When my mom found me the next morning, she had a similar look in her eyes as dad, but she was…defeated. Done.”

He inhaled sharply, a quiver making his voice unsteady. “. We packed our stuff, we packed our car and then we went to Pelican Town, it didn’t matter how much I begged. It didn’t matter that I barricaded myself in the room. It didn’t matter that I told them that this was home. We packed, and we went. The car ride was so, so silent. Eerily so. Not even the radio played. I…erm. I believed that at least the doom that moved in with us would stay behind, in that small apartment in the city. But it followed us. Mom and dad didn’t scream anymore. They seemed…done. I think the implications of dad going to war, the possibilities…They finally kicked in. They kicked in for me, too. What I had delivered to my dad that day. What it meant. What it could lead to.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Sam.” “I know that now. I have always supressed this memory, always supressed that guilt. My dad even hugged me when he had to go and told me he was sorry. That he loved me. But… the ghost of these last memories here have been haunting me, and…and I needed to let them go. I needed to bring them back here and let them go.” Sam finally turned around to you, allowing you to see his face. Tears had left a trail behind on his heated-up cheeks, and more were falling from these precious blue eyes that you had fallen in love with. You wrapped your arms around him, which had something snap in Sam. His shoulders tensed as he sobbed into your neck, his fingers curling into the fabric of your shirt, scared you would fade just like the good memories in that apartment had, good slowly being replaced by the darkness of the threatening unknown. But you wouldn’t fade.

You allowed Sam to cry in your arms, holding his shaking body to yours, making yourself his rock in the turbulent seas of his emotions, making yourself steady for him so he could break down. Sam held you and sobbed, tears flowing into your shirt. “Wasn’t your fault, Sammy,” you whispered, kissing his head.

You didn’t know how long you were standing there, holding Sam to you while he cried. You didn’t care, either. At some point, though, loud sobs ebbed into soft sniffles, the stream of tears ceasing against your soaked shirt. Sam’s shoulders slumped, his grip on you slowly loosening, instead holding you now as well. He held you like you held him, before slowly lifting his head. He swallowed thickly, slowly looking down at you, who was still holding him. You were still there. You smiled up at him, rubbing your thumb over his wet cheeks. “How about…we replace those memories with some good ones? Some that make you feel good when thinking of Zuzu?” Sam didn’t have much time to answer you, because this time, you dragged him along. If you still remembered correctly, there was an old music shop around the main street somewhere, and you had the feeling some sweet music would do your pained beloved just right. His eyes went big when he saw the shop, his pace almost immediately picking up. “Fuck, I always wanted to come here!” You laughed as you followed along, allowing your boyfriend’s sudden burst of excitement luring you in. You were watching your boyfriend stare at the records in awe as he wandered the aisles. “Look, babe! The song that reminds me of you!” He called out, holding up a record. Cursive letters revealed Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, blue eyes that still held a hint of the boy you had seen just mere moments before now slowly sparkling at you. Like sunshine catching in freshly fallen raindrops. And Yoba, how you loved him.

It had taken hours for you to wander the city, your bag on Sam’s back had been joined by several others you had gathered on your shopping spree. One of his hands was still holding onto yours as you passed the house again. The blond slowly came to an halt mustering the building with a sense of melancholy. He had had to leave a safe space, but he had found new ones. In Seb, in his house in Pelican Town, in Vincent, and most importantly; in you. Finally, he was ready to let go.

He drew in a long breath, his eyes wandering to the window above you one last time. With a tilt of his head, he realized that the imprint of the stickers he had once left there were no longer there; faded like the curtains that fluttered in the wind. “I…I think I am ready to go.” “Are you? We can stay for a little longer if you want.” He shook his head, wiping over his eyes. “I am ready to go home.”

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