#I am not their friends. It is not my responsibility to condemn or condone the actions of grown adults on the internet. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainbeverlycrusher · 4 years

Text

An Open Letter to the Star Trek Community

To the Star Trek Community,

I write this from a place of deep respect, gratitude and compassion, and with hope that what I have to say will be received in good faith and be heard.

I am an immigrant woman of colour who found Star Trek at a time when I was at my lowest and stuck in what seemed like perpetual darkness, and it was this wonderful franchise and its powerful message which uplifted me and brought me back into the light so that today I can truly say that I am at my strongest. As such, Star Trek’s positive influence in my life has been no small thing. Star Trek has taught me to be the captain of my life, to reach for the stars, to stand up for what is right no matter the cost, and, above all, to be brave and bold.

And so, in the spirit of boldly going, I humbly call on ALL white members of the Star Trek Community — creators, platform curators, prominent fans and figures, including and especially Star Trek cast members, past and present — who believe in the underlying mission and vision of Star Trek to formally denounce all forms of racism and bigotry and those who uphold such abhorrent beliefs; I call on you to condemn the actions of those who have harmed Black and Indigenous people, and all People of Colour (BIPOC); and I call on you to strive to do more and do better for the sake of BIPOC in both the Star Trek community and in your own lives who have been subjected to racism. Finally, I encourage you to urge your supporters in this community to do the same, particularly those who are now finally waking up to the injustices perpetrated against BIPOC.

I am, of course, aware that the official Star Trek entity released a statement in this vein recently. I know many of you have expressed one way or another your support for the Black Lives Matter movement. I see you. It’s a good start. But it is not enough. I need each of you who hold so much influence within this community to do this, to say once and for all that you will not condone racism and anti-Blackness from your supporters, fans and followers any longer. It is important for this to happen.

I know you support the vision of the great Gene Roddenberry and the powerful philosophy of Star Trek and what it stands for. I know you believe in these words as much as I do:

“Star Trek was an attempt to say that humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms.”

But many white supporters within the Trek community truly do not share these sentiments, and they have proven this time and again, especially as they have belittled and driven fans of colour like me away instead of putting the mission of Star Trek into practice and welcoming us with open arms. Both on-and-offline, there are those who have insulted and degraded BIPOC involved in the Trek community— and not just fans but creatives, actors, and notable figures of colour alike. We have been treated as inferior and dismissed.

I have seen and witnessed it with my own eyes. I have endured this myself and I cannot explain to you how hurtful it has been for many of us. I am a fan who has experienced so much harm from many white people I have come across in Trek spaces, at conventions and events, even among those I had considered friends, and for it to come from within a franchise that promotes love, hope and acceptance, it has been devastating. What I once looked to as a safe haven no longer is.

I can only speak for myself and from my own experiences. And based on my experience, my call to action here is completely necessary. Because something I never say aloud, something I constantly have to process and reprocess in therapy is that 6 years ago when I was 24, the night before I first met my Trek heroes, I cried bitter tears because I felt that they would not accept me because I wasn’t white, that I was unlovable by even the most amazing people because I was not white like them. 24 years old. A grown adult. And I felt that way. So many white Trek supporters contributed to making me feel that way every time they overtly and subtly implied that their whiteness made them superior. I have remained silent about this and numerous other incidents for many years, but living in silence has only served to intensify the painful experiences I’ve had, and so I share this to stress the urgency with which this community-wide issue needs to be addressed. We cannot allow damage like this to continue towards BIPOC in this community.

Racism destroys the soul. Racism is why I hurt myself for so long and why so many white supporters have harmed fans of colour like me, despite their claims that they believe in all that Star Trek stands for. Racism hurts us all. This is just a small part of my story. Imagine how many more there are like it or even worse. As white people, you will never experience racism and you may not see the abominable treatment BIPOC in the Trek community encounter, but it is happening.

With the Black Lives Matter protests gaining momentum worldwide, it couldn’t be more clear that now is not the time to find the middle ground on issues like this, because there is none when it comes to racism. Either you are against it or not. And I promise you, the Trek community does not need the support of people who go out of their way to justify any and all racist acts, because as we can clearly see, even the smallest racial microaggressions and biases can ultimately lead to murder. The desire to keep the peace in the fandom and franchise is not more important than Black lives. Especially because the truth is, as far as I have observed, there has never been actual peace.

We are presently witnessing a global reckoning in which many are finally starting to acknowledge the existing ways racism and white supremacy are upheld. As a community that claims to value all beings and embrace all differences, it only makes sense for Star Trek and all its community members to lead the way to a better future in the entertainment and creative industries and beyond, and to start doing so by looking within ourselves and our own backyard. We MUST clean up this community so that all People of Colour can truly feel safe and welcomed and be embraced and celebrated in every Trek space.

As I issue my call to action, I urge you to consider doing the following:

First, in particular for prominent white cast and creatives, please let the Trek community know where you stand. If you have not already done so, please let people know that you will not tolerate any further bigotry and racist behaviour from anyone. Please let your Black fans and all fans of colour know that you are with us. And please don’t mince words.

Amplify the voices of BIPOC within this community. So many of us are constantly silenced and drowned out and it is time for us to be heard. Our presence only enhances the Trek community. Uplift and embrace us. We matter.

If you manage any online Trek-related spaces and platforms, it is your responsibility to moderate and remove speech that is racist against BIPOC. It is imperative for you to enforce stricter commenting policies and do all that you can to protect BIPOC from further harm. And for those participating in these spaces, it is equally your duty to call out and report any such speech you encounter.

Educate your fellow white Trekkies who don’t yet understand why this is important. BIPOC have expended a lot of labor attempting to do so already but we have been dismissed, ignored, and cast aside. The onus is now on you to ease us of this burden and do the work given your positions of influence.

Hold yourselves and other white people in your Trek networks accountable to BIPOC community members. Make this part of your norm so that it becomes second nature to you, especially so these issues don’t ever fade into the background as they have often done in the past. This is an opportunity to improve and get it right.

Continue supporting the Black Lives Matter movement even after it stops trending. Visit https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ to find helpful resources, make donations, sign petitions, and to get more involved in this work beyond the Trek community. This work is ongoing. It is lifelong.

Committing to doing every one of these would be small yet meaningful steps in the ongoing struggle for racial justice and it would make a significant difference. So with great respect and love, I implore you to use your power and privilege to do this for BIPOC, for yourselves, for all of us.

Stand up with and speak up for all BIPOC fans, friends and colleagues, far and wide. Be loud about it.

Be as loud and unrelenting as LeVar Burton. He has always been at the helm of this struggle, has always been upfront about it, and I love and admire him for it. Follow his lead.

Naturally, fear courses through me as I write all this, but I think of Gates McFadden, a great hero of mine, who once rocked the boat and spoke up against the sexism and racism she witnessed while working on TNG and was actually fired for it. If she can do that, then I think I can do this regardless of the risk. Because I know what I’m asking for and ultimately fighting for is right. Because what we can no longer deny is that lives are at stake. Black lives. And they matter.

Now it is up to you to do your part. Boldly go, in hope and with love.

And may you Live Long and Prosper.

— Originally published on Women at Warp

#Star Trek #Star Trek TNG #If you’re a genuine and committed trek fan you will not ignore this post #hi #yes I’m alive #some of you will remember me and others may not #you may know me as Bollywood Bev #regardless it will be clear that this account was inactive for a long time until now #I left the tumblr and the trek fandom completely because of the poor treatment in Trek spaces I experienced as a WOC #and witnessed towards other BIPOC #it was unbearable #folks seem to think that being a trek fan makes one inherently anti-racist but that is hardly the case #the fact is this fandom and franchise is filled with racists and bigots who parade around like they’ve done nothing wrong to harm POC #I have stories for days about what I have seen and endured #so I wrote this open letter to the community which I think is completely necessary #just as there is a worldwide reckoning taking place there needs to be one in the overall Trek community #to address racism and anti-Blackness within all Trek spaces #and I’m going to make sure it happens bc I can’t allow this supposed progressive franchise to continue to ignore its blind spots #while fans of colour like me suffer silently and pay the heavy price of racist actions against us #the fandom drove me away from it years ago with the incessant micro and macro aggressions thrown about by white fans #like that stuff really messed me up for a while but now I have decided to reclaim my space #and speak up after years of biting my tongue #because I deserve to be here and for Star Trek to be a safe space for me again #I’ll deal with the racism in the crusher fandom at a later point bc that is the one I was mainly involved in #but for now I issue this call and hope it is heeded #please read this and receive it as the gift that it is #thanks #tng #ds9 #star trek tos

826 notes · View notes

mariaiscrafting · 3 years

Note

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues. My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way. Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand. Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

#ive been writing this on and off since 830 am est SHEESH #dreamwastaken #dream critical #eh i think im relatively lenient of him here given my past posts ab him #but still just in case the blacklist tags for yalls convenience:#discourse #/neg #asks #long post #long posts #this a LONG one bois #morango

21 notes · View notes

freddieofhearts · 3 years

Text

Bye bye, dears (for now!)

I know there have been a lot of rumours and some posts about me leaving, so here I am to set the record straight and say a quick ‘au revoir’. This post is long, and I don’t expect everyone to read the whole thing—if you just want information on how to keep in touch, or about access to my removed fics, scroll to the bottom. ⬇️

Why are you leaving?

Firstly, of course I’m not leaving Freddie. This is just an ongoing hiatus from the social side of fandom, because while I have some incredible friends here, who have done all they can to support me and have made this experience wonderful in lots of ways—it’s also true that the social space has become more and more toxic for me.

I get a wild amount of hate. Despite never having my ask box enabled on here, people create new accounts just to message me and tell me all the problems in this fandom are my fault, that I’m faking being sick, that I should kill myself, that I’m fat, etc. I also very regularly get hateful comments on AO3.

Obviously I realise that I’m not the only one who receives these cruel attacks, but it’s become increasingly hard to handle them—especially as some people (‘real’ accounts, not faceless anons) do continue to blame me for wider problems in the fandom. It makes me feel consistently sad, anxious, and paranoid, so that I can’t focus on anything Queen-related that I enjoy.

More pressingly, it’s affected my mental health, which is—imperfect at the best of times. As I’ve occasionally alluded to in older posts on this blog, I have a history of anorexia, OCD, PTSD, and some other overlapping issues. Most people who know me in the fandom are also aware that I’m ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’ to Covid-19, significantly immunocompromised, and have been isolating at home for eleven months.

The combination of all of these things + the constant toxic messages has really been triggering me, and leading to an uptick in disordered behaviours, which my body cannot sustain. Every new instance of hate from an anon—every time there’s another indication of groups in the fandom wanting to ostracise me further—my reaction is deeply self-punitive and unhealthy. Ultimately I need to be out of this environment for, at least, a protracted period. My therapist, my partner and my close friends in the fandom support this decision.

So, what went wrong?

In 2019, I expected to be an absolutely tiny blog in the Queen Tumblr landscape. The fandom was already well-established, and I have never worked to ‘build a following’ on here—I think I’ve linked my own fic a maximum of three or four times!—in fact, more or less the opposite. As I mentioned above: ya girl is nutty as a fruitcake. As a result, I often avoid extremely niche things in daily life which cause severe anxiety for me, Relevant examples here: I never look at my timeline. I never intentionally look at my follower number. Yup, it’s strange, I fully admit it, but it’s best for me to go with these things—usually. In Queen fandom, however, this avoidance both of analytic stats and of most direct engagement led to some problems... My followers grew without me realising, and way more people were reading my blog than I was aware of. I was still in a—“Wow, this fandom is very frustrating, and rife with ableism, racism, etc., so how do we fix this???”—mindset, and I wanted to share my opinions, sure! but I also thought I was sharing them with 15-20 like-minded people.

Now, intent is not impact, and I recognise that I was brusque, didn’t phrase things particularly sensitively, and absolutely did hurt some people by criticising the fandom so freely. I still regret this—and I regret just as much the fact that some assholes have used my criticising the fandom on my own blog as implicit justification for attacking authors. I have said on here many times that I don’t condone that behaviour—but I also think there’s some truth in the presumption that these anonymous malcontents felt my critiques somehow ‘permitted’ them to engage in abuse. For the first few months, though, I genuinely had no idea there was a link at all—and so I was initially slow to condemn this abusive behaviour in public, because I was taking it for granted all authors agreed it was shitty. It took someone directly telling me (shoutout to @a-froger-epic) that people had identified a connection between my posts and the anons, before everything fell into place.

I would like to offer my apologies to the fandom at large for not being more quick on the uptake about this, because I feel that had I realised sooner that these people were taking ‘inspiration’ in some way from me, it might have been easier to put a stop to it. It does seem that there is still a lot of confusion about whether I support them and which of their views I agree with. Let’s be 100% clear on this: I do not support the anonymous commenters on AO3. At times there is some, limited overlap between parts of their views and parts of mine, but even that is less than you may think—I often see anonymous comments from so-called ‘Freddie fans’ that I substantially disagree with.

Perhaps even more importantly: I do not support anyone who sends anonymous hate on Tumblr.

What’s all this about ‘overlap’ with the anons?

Let’s do a mini-summary of the myths vs. the truth. There are views I hold which are genuinely unpopular in the fandom—but which I own up to completely, and have never tried to hide in any way. I’ve never needed to use anonymous to share my opinions because I’m completely open about them! What people who don’t know me tend to have ‘heard’ about me, though, is usually a drastic distortion of my real opinions.

What people think I think:

- Freddie should never top.

- It’s okay to send anon hate if someone writes Freddie ‘wrong’.

- It’s more important to correct ‘wrong’ portrayals than to respect other writers.

- It’s inherently wrong to be more interested in band pairings than canon pairings.

- Freddie should be overtly written as a r*pe survivor/victim (and not doing this is wrong).

- Freddie should be overtly written as having an eating disorder (and not doing this is wrong).

- Kink fics are wrong.

What I actually think:

- I believe Freddie did have a strongly defined sexual identity with marked preferences, but I don’t think Jim Hutton lied when he said that Freddie topped. I believe Freddie did top, but this isn’t the time or place to get into my thoughts on why/when/how much. I do believe that my analysis of the sources relevant to this subject is as historically accurate as one can reasonably be in matters of sex (where historical accuracy will always be particularly limited and imperfect)—but I don’t think it’s morally wrong to write Freddie as topping more than he probably did.

- I don’t believe there’s only one ‘right’ version of Freddie (all others being ‘wrong’). I do believe it is possible to be more right or less right—but I’m also conscious of the fact that this scale of value is not one by which everyone measures fanfiction. As a result, then, I don’t think that any perceptions surrounding ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ justify sending anonymous, non-constructive criticism, or outright hate.

- I do believe constructive criticism is a good thing. I welcome and appreciate it myself; I have received it on my fics in Queen fandom, and it has made them better. I have been in writing workshops which included very forceful criticisms, and the value of such feedback has been intimately and immediately part of my life as a writer for years. However: in this case, I have accepted that my opinion differs from the general community preference, and so I no longer offer any constructive criticism (outside private beta-reading). I haven’t changed my view, but I’ve changed my practice to align with community norms.

- I do not think any single, individual writer has a personal responsibility to write about Freddie Mercury in any given way. That ranges from including the more distressing topics to which I’ve devoted attention (such as trauma)—to concentrating on ‘canon’ pairings like Jimercury—to, even, focusing on Freddie at all.

“Now, that doesn’t sound like you, @freddieofhearts,” you might be thinking. And I know it doesn’t; I think something I’ve done a poor job of articulating is the difference between how I view each individual fan—namely, as free to shape their creative experience at will, even in ways that I might find distressing or offensive; even in ways that you might find distressing or offensive—and the way I view the Collective. I think people have interpreted some of my critiques of ‘Queen Fandom’ as meaning something like: “You-in-particular, a specific Queen fan, are doing it wrong and should change everything about how you do it; also you don’t really care about Freddie.”

And—that’s not it. What any given fan, as an individual, does, isn’t a problem. And that can be true alongside—concurrently with—a multivalent critique of how the fandom is lacking in representation of Freddie’s life, with all that that (wonderful, deservedly celebrated, but also profoundly traumatic) life entailed. I still hold that view; I still have myriad problems with ‘the fandom’ (structurally, collectively, historically and presently—from the 1990s to the 2020s). Some of what I want to work on (away from the social life of fandom) is expressing those critiques with greater nuance, in ways that can’t be misinterpreted as shading any particular fanfiction author or subgenre of story.

In brief: I haven’t changed my mind, but I think Tumblr is an untenable environment in which to discuss the things I want to analyse, especially as there is an ever-present danger of hurting someone.

Can we keep in touch? Where is the fic?

I will drop by this account periodically to check out posts that friends have sent me, so you can always sent me a private message to ask for my contact details on the other app that I’m using now for fandom friends. Multiple Freddie conversations and projects are going on over there, off-Tumblr, with a much ‘gentler’ environment and no bad actors—I personally love it!

All my fic has been downloaded and saved. I don’t want to deal with constant harassment on AO3, but I’m happy to share a copy with anyone who missed it and wants to read/re-read something. I also saved everyone’s lovely comments and thoughtful con-crit, so none of that has been lost or erased.

Thank you to everyone who welcomed me to the fandom, made me think, taught me, shared with me, sent me into fits of the giggles, collaborated with me creatively, and otherwise made this one hell of a ride! Love you all. ❤️

#au revoir my dears #lil gay bby

27 notes · View notes

salty-cs · 3 years

Text

Hey there. Before I begin I will explicitly state: you have the right to not forgive nor like anyone. That is your own choice of who you interact with and I am in no way attempting to invalidate this. Your opinion is yours.

Yes, I am friends with Dat and Cambion. That is not something I'm ashamed of. Is that something that deserves hate? Who knows, that's your choice. You have every right to not wanna interact with me because of it.

Neither of them have brought me harm in any shape or form. Nor do I condone a majority of their past actions and I already told them that I don't. It also is not my duty to forgive their actions either. But via my own experience, we have a pretty solid friendship that is very much going well.

Also, neither of them acted with harmful intent ever. I feel that is important to mention.

I am a strong believer and am rather optimistic that people can change (except extremely harmful and illegal actions with bad intent. You know what I mean). Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they're this young. Does age excuse actions? No, it doesn't. But the adults in Dat's situation are also at fault and let us not pretend they are not. I infer it was a collective clusterfuck and an overall bad experience for both parties (yet again, this is my own interpretation). They have every right to not like Dat and Dat has every right to not like them.

However, I must condemn everything that is currently happening. Let's not act like insulting others is a good thing to do.

No matter where you stand, insulting people is not right. Privately, do what you will I suppose. But going out of your way to click through tabs just to say something mean is more of a reflection on your own character than the one you're insulting. Being mean isn't okay. Nobody died, nobody got assaulted. Toxic friendships suck and they happen. Block and move on.

Going onto a salt blog where you know people agree with your negative sentiments only creates a toxic atmosphere and frankly it becomes a bullying brigade. Surely the one being targeted can just "not come on and see it", but let's not pretend that that excuses the fact people are blatantly insulting others. You know you saying stuff will get attention and you know it will ruin someone's mental health and reputation. It's purposeful and malicious. This isn’t salt, this is harassment.

Let us think critically together. Regardless of whether I've done anything wrong or not, is someone calling me annoying out of nowhere valid and okay to post without much of an explanation? So if I'm just casually checking the blog, completely ignorant of the fact someone had posted about me, is it my fault that it made me upset even though I'm the one being called names? No. You cannot justify that.

I'm not attempting to say that venting is wrong--that's not true. It is perfectly okay. I just strongly believe that if you're going to do it, do so with friends, not the internet. Ask questions instead of forcing opinions. Get information and learn instead of bandwagoning. Seeking public validation is understandable, but please realize your words have weight...especially when you're a popular oekaki artist.

We're not big celebrities here...this is a pets site in a small corner of the internet. Criticism and skepticism are understandable responses; calling others names and saying they'll never have friends in life is immature. Don't act like you have the moral high ground when you're so enthralled in internet drama that you publicly celebrate someone quitting and then get upset when they retaliate. You must be aiming for a reaction, what else could make you say the stuff you do?

Now I'm speaking generally but if you're offended then I guess you know it's about you. Harassment is never justified. You don't have to like anyone here, but your mouth is a weapon.

To continually insult someone who you are aware has a horrible mental state and is suicidal is incredibly irresponsible. You are part of the problem. You can hate Dat, but you really have to let go and move on and stop being toxic yourself. That's what Dat wants to do and has stated. Make that active choice. Both of them already apologized countless times before and we all know another apology isn't going to change some of y'all's minds. And that's okay at the end of the day, because that's not my or their job nor responsibility. You have to think for yourself and make those decisions on your own.

Both of them have grown so much and I am very proud of them. I am not excusing them from what they've done, but they are most certainly not pedophiles nor monsters. Please think critically about the fact you do not know everything about either situation. Sometimes people do shitty things, and I say this towards both sides of the argument, and it's best to let the friendship die instead of prolonging the hurt.

Everyone should aim to educate instead of ridicule. You may remain judgmental and skeptical, but how is calling someone a bitch or something or other, remotely helpful to the situation? It only makes it worse. Someone not understanding a term does not mean they're invalidating said term. Educate them. Provide resources and information. It's not difficult.

Now I've said more than I probably should've for being a complete nobody. Sit back, relax with your favorite drink, close your web browser, and realize there's so many better things to do than be a part of an online drama. Now have a fantastic evening. I'm surely going to rest well so I hope you do too.

#mod squid #off anon #submission #paperjack #cambion #dat #mudkip

3 notes · View notes

jeanandthedreamofhorses · 5 years

Text

Eren the Free, Part 1: Response to linkspooky’s ‘Eren the Slave’

Thanks for asking for my response, anon, because it has allowed me to string together and articulate my own thoughts on Eren’s character at this stage of the story.

Needless to say, I have several interpretive, philosophical disagreements with @linkspooky‘s ‘Eren the Slave’ and these are expressed in my ‘Eren Jaeger – Who Freer than the Tyrant?’ meta, so please read that first. The purpose of this post will be to argue against specific claims made in linkspooky’s meta and tackle what I believe to be logical flaws in my opponent’s argument. This meta is in two parts not to flex but because my computer had an aneurysm trying to load the whole post.

Well, if the Defence in the trial of Eren Jaeger may take the floor, my opening statement is thus: Eren is no slave, and has pursued the path of freedom further than any other character.

Narrative and Personal Narrative

linkspooky draws a distinction between the Narrative of the manga and Eren’s Personal Narrative, the story he tells himself. They argue that people who have faith in Eren’s self-conception fall into his personal narrative.

But is his story not a Narrative? It is quite natural to expect character development from characters in a story - it could only rightly be called a mistake when it comes to real life. And do Eren’s detractors not themselves fall into the Personal Narratives of Armin, Mikasa and Zeke? They have repeatedly made the statement that Eren is not free, that he is being controlled by Zeke or Grisha, and every time he has proven them wrong.

There is indeed an authorial Narrative separate from the characters’ Personal Narratives which can be detected through symbolism and the course the story takes. I find that the course of the story thus far lines up far more with Eren’s Personal Narrative than it does with those of his detractors. We can tell this from how he has disproved Armin, Mikasa and Zeke’s accusations of manipulation and also how, in the last chapter, he symbolically rips free of his chains.

There is also the fact that we the readers are more in the dark about Eren’s thoughts and intentions than we are about any other character. How could we be seduced into a Personal Narrative we know next to nothing about? And why would the story deliberately hide from us the very perspective that is meant to deceive us? I think it is far more likely that the reason Eren’s intentions have been shielded from the reader is because they take the nature of a terrible truth that must be dug up with bloodied hands.

Whenever Eren opens up about his thoughts and feelings, the meta unfairly dismisses them as mere lip service despite Eren having no reason to lie to Reiner and Falco as two people he intends to kill.

Rather than our side of the fandom being deceived by Eren’s Personal Narrative, I find that the opposing side dismisses it out of hand because they have no intention of listening to Eren’s side of the story. Why is Eren’s perspective less valid than anyone else’s, especially when he knows more than every other character by virtue of his ability to literally see the future?

The only explanation I can find for this attitude, if I may be forgiven the presumption, is that people approach the topic with the automatic assumption that what Eren is doing has to be wrong instead of questioning their own morals - which is, after all, what Attack On Titan is all about.

Armin even says that he no longer understands Eren. I don’t think we should trust the perception of a character as being authorial Narrative when he explicitly makes a statement like this. linkspooky does have an explanation for this scene, however, which I shall address in the next part.

Armin and Mikasa’s Perceptions of Eren

linkspooky claims that the reason for Armin’s confusion is that his romanticised view of Eren is falling apart, which indeed it is, and the same is true of Mikasa. However, I don’t think it’s right to claim that their new perception of him is an accurate one, since they still haven’t heard anything from Eren himself apart from what both I and linkspooky agree are lies to distance himself from them.

While they both once focused excessively on the positive in Eren, now they focus excessively on the negative, not considering the reason for Eren’s actions that I believe we have received hints of in the last two chapters.

linkspooky and I both think that Eren wants to protect his friends - in my case I most definitely see it as his primary motivation. If Armin knew this about Eren, I do not think he would condone him, but I don’t think he’d so roundly condemn him as he does here either.

So I don’t think it is right to consider Armin’s words the straight truth here, given the lack of information he’s working with, and that indeed, the fandom is working with. Because Eren is doing the most morally questionable things, and because we are seeing things more often from Armin’s perspective than his these days, there is perhaps an impulse to put faith in Armin’s words over Eren’s. But in this series, nothing is ever so black and white.

In Mikasa’s case, her treasured memory of the scarf is now being being challenged by the memory of Eren murdering the kidnappers - but we know from 121 that Eren places special value on the scarf as well, instead of just the murder.

Rather than trying to paint Eren in a white or black light, they need to see Eren as he really is: like the freedom he represents, a force beyond good and evil.

Enemy of the World

One of linkspooky’s arguments is that being the ‘Enemy of the World’ is just Eren’s fantasy as he frequently relies on others. However, linkspooky also mentions how Eren manipulates everyone close to him. I would argue that the person who manipulates you is, in fact, your enemy, and that Eren is the Enemy of the World not because he never relies on help but because he is entirely on his own side.

Indeed he knows that assistance from others is necessary even just to activate the Founder’s power, and he also refers to the Survey Corps as his friends, or even comrades, depending on your translation.

This is why he manipulates them - and the reason he manipulates rather than relying on them is because he feels that his Will contradicts the Wills of everyone around him. There is no-one who desires the outcome that Eren desires, not even Floch and the Eldian nationalists, I believe: I think even they will baulk at the scale of destruction Eren intends. Historia is the only character I think may be an exception to this rule as the other bearer of the ‘enemies of mankind’ moniker.

This otherwise total isolation of intention is what makes Eren the Enemy of the World. Because he fights for his freedom, he rebels against peace.

I think this panel is another example of why the authorial Narrative itself supports the idea of Eren being an Enemy of the World. The positioning of the speech bubble and outside text was entirely the decision of Isayama and his editor, and is not a thought bubble from Eren’s head. He has never actually addressed himself as ‘the Enemy of the World’: Historia calls him the enemy of mankind and Willy says he rebels against peace, but while Eren has said he “might just destroy the world” and only in response to Willy’s words, he is still not ascribing himself a title or role.

Eren’s Individualism

linkspooky claims that the scene in the FT arc, where the Levi Squad is slaughtered because Eren didn’t rely on his power instead of theirs, is misinterpreted because Eren also lost the fight on his own. However, this is where I think this meta falls prey to one of its greatest weaknesses: the omission of the Uprising Arc from the analysis of Eren’s character, wherein his most pivotal transitions take place.

The event that caused Eren to trust in his own strength over the strength of others was not his fight against Annie, but when a similar situation repeats itself in the Crystal Cave.

In this circumstance, Eren is able to protect all of his friends by relying on his own strength, when they would have died had they attempted their risky manoeuvre. Eren has become strong enough to protect them on his own - this was the first inkling of that realisation.

I say ‘first inkling’ because Eren does say this afterwards, which seems to influence Armin towards his current ideology. Such an idea seems at odds with what I believe to be Eren’s current aim to genocide those different to him as a wholly antagonistic force, like the bullies in Armin’s memories who Armin now wants to make peace with.

I believe this is because Eren soon learns that those differences between people are simply too great and too much of a threat to his freedom. People are stronger together, but only if he can be confident that they will follow his Will, which is how he learned to manipulate his allies. The differences between him and Levi in the Serumbowl nearly caused the loss of his best friend, and then, when he receives Grisha’s memories and learns of Marley’s treatment of Eldians, he learns just how deeply divided humans are and loses faith in overcoming those differences.

Far from character stagnancy, this is the development I see in Eren that has led him to this individualistic conclusion.

I would also like to address what I think is a fallacy in linkspooky’s analysis of the fight Eren loses against Annie. Eren loses both with his comrades and without them - how does that make the former path any better than the latter? Eren was actually doing very well in his fight against Annie, and only lost when he realised her identity from her fighting stance.

What I think Eren really took away from that fight is the lesson he is applying now - he cannot show any mercy to his enemies.

Levi Parallelism

I find the parallels drawn between Eren and Levi quite interesting and am not necessarily opposed to it, but personally I find that Levi has more parallels with Mikasa than Eren as two Ackermans driven by their love for others (though of course this is a big part of Eren’s motivation as well). Mikasa realising she can’t protect Eren or always be by his side is more in line with Levi accepting that he can’t save everyone imo.

Those Who Push Themselves into that Hell

linkspooky draws attention to Eren’s use of language to indicate that he is not free, such as in the following scene:

They argue that the ‘something’ pushing Eren along means he is not moving from his own will.

However, I find this claim to be contradicted by the distinction Eren makes within this very scene. He differentiates between those who are pushed into hell by their circumstances and those who “push themselves into hell”, clearly putting himself - at least as he is now - in the latter category. So I find that Eren is articulating that, because his whole past and future are manifestations of his own Will (as I argue in the attached meta), he is freely choosing to enter this arena rather than being forced to do so.

I Just Keep Moving Forward

linkspooky also argues that the reluctance in the line “I just keep moving forward’” suggests a lack of freedom. I would argue that continuing to fight for your goal even though you are frightened is a sign of strength of will rather than the reverse.

They also argue that, because those words are remembered as Reiner is about to kill himself, they are portrayed in a negative light. But this omits the crucial follow-up to that scene, where Reiner does not kill himself and finds a reason to live after hearing Falco express his desire to protect Gabi. Reiner is saved by that will to keep moving forward.

They further argue that Eren takes these words from Hange and twists them to suit himself.

But this is untrue. As they pointed out themself, Eren first heard these words in his training days from Reiner where it did mean what he thinks it means. Furthermore, there is no panel showing Eren having any special reaction to Hange’s words. He is shown with the other key Serumbowl players before Hange says them, but not afterwards, where the focus is solely on Mikasa.

I believe Isayama has Hange say Eren’s tagline because it is a key phrase in the themes of the story, and not because it has any special effect on Eren.

I Didn’t Have Any Other Choice

Lines such as “I didn’t have any other choice” and “Is there another way” are similarly argued to be indicative of Eren’s enslavement to a single course of action.

But this is just the conflict between long and short term gratification – enduring hardship to obtain your goal is an example of a strong will, not an enslaved one. Even if he is enslaved to circumstance, this is the case for everybody else as well, and it is an enslavement he seeks to permanently free himself from by crushing his enemies for good. After that, he and Eldia can do whatever they will.

Born This Way

The lines “I’ve always been that way, ever since I was born”, and “It’s probably been like this since the day we were born” are argued to be a form of enslavement to one’s sense of self. I cover this in my attached meta, where I argue that it is rather an affirmation of his own Will and right to exist.

One specific point I’d like to address is the claim that Eren saying those words after Reiner tries to take personal responsibility for his actions is evidence that Eren is running away from his guilt, and is therefore not at peace with his actions, and is therefore not free. But rather than in denial or frustrated, Eren appears to be in a state of sad serenity.

Eren does not say these words in immediate response to Reiner, but only after he hears Willy say “Because I was born into this world”. I think that here Eren is simply recognising that Reiner was simply following the unique nature of his Will - doing it because he wanted to, not because he had to, which is indeed what Eren is doing - and acknowledging that it is something he cannot criticise him for, but also something that he cannot spare him for. That is the command of Eren’s unique Will.

As for Eren not being at peace with his actions meaning he is not free, refer to the short/long term gratification point I made earlier.

Jealousy of Mikasa and the Need to be a One Man Army

linkspooky claims that Eren is still trying too hard to be as strong as Mikasa and Levi, but once again the meta suffers due to a lack of consideration for the Uprising Arc. In that arc, Eren got over his jealousy of Mikasa and Levi and explicitly stated as much.

This, I think, is also sufficient evidence against a persisting desire on Eren’s part to be a One Man Army (as opposed to freedom, which he does have a desire for). His words here make it clear that he wishes to fight alongside his friends if possible. He has simply learnt that, to achieve his goals, ruthless manipulation and rugged individualism is necessary.

Need to be Special

This is also something Eren overcame in the Uprising Arc. He thinks of himself as a normal person, the son of a special father, that he never needed to happen.

He is not doing all of this to be special. He has simply become special by pursuing his birthright: not a birthright of exceptionalism, but of the right to exist, something I shall explain further in the ‘Meaning of Carla’s Words’ section in the next part.

As with the One Man Army, it is a matter of necessity rather than desire. I cover this more in my attached Eren meta, but Eren’s character has developed in a perfect loop. Though his actions remain the same, his understanding of them has increased dramatically: that is to say, he has come to understand himself.

Indeed, people are not naturally special. But can one really argue that special people do not exist at all? To say such a thing would be to argue that there is no difference between Daz and Erwin. People become special - Supermen, to reference Nietzsche - because they relentlessly pursue their Will to Power, their driving force to actualise their desires.

linkspooky also argues that the reason Eren’s change is the most dramatic after the time-skip is because in actuality he hasn’t changed. My argument is that it is simply the result of having the most explicit and tumultuous development in the story up to now, and crucially, the ability to see a future no-one else can.

Read the rest in Part 2 here!

#shingeki no kyojin #eren jaeger #eren yeager #snk meta #meta response #snk spoilers #aot spoilers #I haven't directly quoted since I was asked not to #but I hope it's clear I'm arguing in good faith #Also @ls please feel no obligation to read this behemoth #It's a ridiculously long response

123 notes · View notes

huxianposts · 4 years

Note

sae?

YEAH BABEYYY

favorite thing about them

i honestly liked her ruthlessness. she wasn’t messing around, she was always to the point, and like, i know the thieves thought her messed up for being so cutthroat, but like... as an older sibling that was foisted with duties that no one should’ve handled but had to do it anyway at a young age... i get it. add in the fact that she’s in an extremely competitive and sexist industry, and i’m just... yeah. understandable. i mean i def do not condone her rigging justice to uphold a shit system while condemning innocent people. but her obsession, her competitiveness and her stubbornness in making her own way-- that’s admirable, even if it’s pretty flawed. idk, i just. really liked her anger. which is odd because i usually don’t care for that. but in a game where a lot of the female characters portray anger in only small portions, or in cutesy attractive ways instead of pure fury that’s ugly-- Sae’s is something i find refreshing.

least favorite thing about them

did not like how she was suddenly “uwu i guess i was wrong and y’all were justified.” i mean, i get it, it’s just atlus’ misogyny rising once again-- but GOD. i like that she realized that she was going too far in her corrupt justice, that’s fair. her helping protag escape-- that’s her doing the right thing, and again, good. but her anger and frustration and resentment at the system, her family, and her job was all very real and tangible grievances seen irl japanese culture today-- but hey, let’s just. sweep that under the rug. despite this game being about rebellion and a (i’ll admit, piss-poor) critique about how society operates.

favorite line

i can’t find the line atm, but her line where she tells the protag how she’s a defense attorney now, and that he shouldn’t be influenced by terrible/corrupt adults-- that’s a good line. it was really indicative to her new resolution in changing the system a step at a time, this time pursuing true justice instead of her rigged cheats. it was really hopeful, and while yeah, the game’s message fluctuated and messed up at times, i think her line... cinched it in a way that was good. it really hammered home that the phantom thieves were done-- but now for sure for serious, it was the time for adults to actually step up to fix shit-- as it should’ve been, instead of justice being in the hands of teenagers that were forced to grow too soon.

brOTP

Sae/Goro is my insta-fave. idk, it’s really endearing to see goro try to bond with her, asking for sushi and kinda pouting about it-- and Sae’s just, even though she’s a cold workaholic, she’s still kinda looking out for him, keeping up with the bond-- more so than her bond with Makoto, which, ouch. were it not for the manipulated double-spy working for an evil megalomaniac kinda deal, i honestly think their bond would’ve flourished really well (adopt goro into the Niijima household PLEASE)

in my sojiro post, i also mentioned liking the possibility of a sojiro/sae/haru friendship, since all three have similar motivations/backgrounds that led to their circumstances. i think it’d just be neat to see them interacting with each other lol

OTP

me/sae jk i honestly am digging the Sae/Ohya pairing. i know Sae/Tae is the fandom favorite and i GET it, but....c’mon....two disillusioned women that were screwed over by the system, life circumstances, and jobs, taking opposite paths in dealing with it? Ohya with her drinking and lackadaisical attitude hiding what really plagues her underneath (her grief about not knowing the secret government conspiracy that took out her friend thriller story), and Sae’s fixation in throwing herself into work, becoming ruthless and cold as she thinks victory will mean everything, despite her own barely addressed grief right underneath (her having to handle her father’s death and the arrangements, and being forced into a necessary parental role for Makoto).... hoooo boy. i think they’d detest one another at first. Ohya’s too irresponsible, Sae’s too uptight, they’d grate at each other... but their similar cores... is what will... bring them to the middle... Ohya’s relaxed atmosphere softening up Sae while Sae’s strict discipline will have Ohya standing up to do shit, like. ok this has gotten too long lmaoooo i’m trying to sell this ship and i do so gleefully

nOTP

i don’t think i necessarily have any nOTPs for Sae? i dont see much content of her so....

random headcanon

because makoto was really into homestuck as a tween, that’s the only fandom Sae knows. whenever makoto talks about anything, sae is just, “oh, like homestuck?” sees Naruto, “is that homestuck-kun?” sees featherman series on tv and just shakes her head sighing, “trolls and their colors.” Makoto and Goro are just. horrified and offended.

unpopular opinion

i don’t like her being in the ‘mom’ role, or whatever atlus (and fandom) is trying to promote. like. she barely grew up, was forced into the role (WHICH, YEAH, UNDERSTANDABLE), so i can’t see her willingly want to take that role-- i only see it out of obligation and responsibility. LET HER BE A YOUNG ADULT, let sojiro be this dad-like figure to her, however grudging she allows it, let her rest, let her relax from being so strict, like c’mon. i want more goofy sae, smiling relaxed sae, aaaaa

song i associate with them

emo: “Draw your Swords” by Angus and Julia Stone

happy: “The Jailer” by Erin McKeown

favorite picture of them

i don’t have a pic, but anytime she looks surprised, i die. i keep thinking about that one meme of her, “A palace? In my me? it’s more likely than you think!” and it has that surprised expression and i just lose it, i mcfreaking LOSE IT. i love her so much

#thank you for the ask!#asks #anon #p5 #persona #sae niijima #long post #i actually adore sae so much hhhhh

17 notes · View notes

seyaryminamoto · 4 years

Note

Hello, another anon. I read 123 and was taken aback by the bad memories. But it surpsised me to see that Sokka still feel bad about it. It was wrong but to me Sokka never was the guy who would just sleep around just to have fun and show "manliness" with everyone. With a strenger especially. Or would he? Imean you know him better of course:). But that situation was completely different he couldn't even think straight. Poor guy still feels bad. What do you think about his act back then?

As a writer, as much backlash as that particular decision has garnered me, I stand by it to this day and I see no reason not to: Sokka, at the time, isn’t in the right state of mind, like you said, and his feelings for Azula aren’t yet at the stage where he truly loves her, not as he does after all the ordeals they face together later in the story. He does have feelings for her, is very much attracted to her, but he hardly knows her properly at the time: he thinks she’s manipulating him, playing with his feelings to her benefit, pretty much. And in a rebellious bout, like many of those we see from him through the story, Sokka decides he won’t let her walk all over him anymore.

This, of course, backfires because Azula is actually far more human, and way more attached to him, than he knew. His remorse for his mistakes is genuine, and pretty much everlasting because, in a reckless bid to protect himself from her, he ended up hurting her far more with his actions than she hurt him with that spiteful comment after their first kiss (which is what drives him to think she was just messing with his head). So yep, up until chapter 123, Sokka is still regretting what he did, even though Azula doesn’t even hold it against him anymore by then. He hates having hurt her, for he knows he misjudged her and jumped to the wrong conclusions about Azula without giving her a chance to explain herself, without offering her the benefit of the doubt if just for a moment. The more he grew to love her in later chapters, and the more he understood her as their bond deepened, the more he hated himself for having hurt her when he did. Therefore, at the point where you’re at, where it’s safe to say he knows her better than anyone, he is all the more unforgiving of himself because he genuinely loves her now, willingly, with eyes open, completely aware of who she is and what’s in her heart, and he trusts her with his life. He’s all the more protective of her now and truly hates that he hurt her so badly when he did, despite even Azula thinks he ought to be more forgiving with himself.

Now, though... one thing I do want to say, that I think some of the people who are bothered by this situation kind of have glossed over before, is that Sokka actually isn’t 100% in control of the situation in the pub. For starters, he may not be drunk to the point of incoherence but he’s not of the soundest mind either. He’s also still really angry and bitter about how things went down with Azula, and mixing that with the drunkenness couldn’t possibly yield a positive result. Furthermore, and I’d say most importantly... June wasn’t just some eyelash-batting fangirl like Hina who was starstruck by Sokka: June saw a guy who didn’t look completely repulsive, talked to him about his problems and offered a solution for him that she made the most of.

My point is... June was the instigator, not Sokka. June has agency of her own as a character, and she is responsible for what happened just as much as Sokka is. Hadn’t June showed up when she did, talked with him and suggested her twisted idea, Sokka wouldn’t have been likely to sleep with anyone at all that night. Would this have been better? Possibly. But what June did was poised with one very specific, even outright-stated-on-text purpose in mind: for Sokka to unleash his frustrations and, if it didn’t work (which, let’s not forget, it didn’t), for him to start wrapping his head around the fact that he might be in love with a woman he didn’t want to be in love with. Without June’s meddling, some of the heartache wouldn’t be quite so painful and there’s no denying that. But without it, Sokka probably would have refused to accept he had feelings for Azula, he might not have confronted her that night and even if he did, the outcome might not have been the same: there’s a chance he wouldn’t have grown to understand her any better, that he would have taken even LONGER than he did to realize Azula wasn’t just messing around with him, that she actually cared about him. And if it feels the story is already ridiculously long, just imagine how much longer it could have been if he had spent longer than two chapters refusing to understand that Azula actually wanted him the same way he wanted her :’)

Point being, there was a storytelling purpose to this development. And it wasn’t a pretty development, why lie, but it was, I believe, a necessary one considering the circumstances of Azula and Sokka’s partnership: they did start out as enemies. They were reluctant allies working together with their own agendas later on. They probably wouldn’t even have thought of each other as friends even at their early scene together in chapter 26. There was very little trust between them -- Sokka especially distrusted Azula --, and they hadn’t learned enough about each other, they didn’t understand each other enough yet, to have a decent relationship with each other. While this was a harsh setback to their partnership, it’s ironically also a way to kickstart it: at chapter 30, after Azula breaks down in tears in his arms, Sokka FINALLY gets it: she wasn’t messing around, she genuinely was interested in him romantically. And after this, he changes. After this, he’s no longer as merciless towards Azula as he was before. He no longer judges her so harshly, and he makes efforts to understand her. Why? Because of everything I’ve said up here :D

So... “Sokka never was the guy who would just sleep around just to have fun and show "manliness" with everyone”? Why, no, I wouldn’t think he would be that kind of guy, and that’s not how the story ever portrayed him either. Some people may have that interpretation of him, but I, personally, don’t. And I’d think Gladiator should speak for itself, it’s certainly on me if it doesn’t, but to put matters into perspective, if I had been writing Sokka as the kind of guy you described up there, he wouldn’t have been so horrified in the aftermath of his encounter with June in chapter 28. I don’t know if I failed to portray it right, but all along, the idea was to show that he didn’t enjoy what happened between them at all, to the point where June was even exasperated over his apologies and remorse (I even talked about how Gladiator!Sokka hadn’t ever truly enjoyed sex until he had it with Azula on this other ask, which I answered recently).

As for showing off what he’d done as if it were a sign of “manliness”, well, if he thought sleeping around was a badge of honor, he probably would have boasted about it at some point through the almost-100 chapters between the big debacle and the chapter you’re on right now. Heck, he probably would have flirted with every woman in sight and tried to sleep with them without a care in the world if he was the kind of guy who thinks sleeping around makes him a manlier man. Instead, he only feels guilt, remorse and shame for what he did. He takes zero pride in his actions that day and constantly talks about it as one of his biggest mistakes. Once they ran into June in the arc you’re on, he kept falling silent and deferring to Azula’s judgment in every regard except for when it came to her threats to “torture” Jeong Jeong’s goons, because he believed that if she still felt any resentment towards him over their crisis with June, it was warranted and no less than he deserved (despite, as is revealed later, Azula was blowing matters out of proportion for more complicated reasons than Sokka realized at first). Does that sound like a guy who’s proud of his actions, who thinks it reasserts his masculinity somehow to have gotten involved with someone on a very questionable whim...? I honestly hope it doesn’t.

Now, as the one-track-mind shipper I am...? You can bet I absolutely didn’t enjoy writing that scene, not in the least. Ironically, Sokka’s trick to keep going (imagining June was Azula) was also my trick to keep going: the reason that scene’s writing was ambiguous, as though he were having some sort of hate-sex session with Azula when it’s NOT her, was because it was the only way I could get through the scene at all. So, as a writer, I stand by what I wrote. As a fangirl with too many feels, I hate the scene despite understanding why it was necessary :’) I don’t think I’d ever admitted that before, but it’s the truth. Part of a writer’s job includes working with elements and situations in a story that you might not be comfortable with, that you absolutely wouldn’t condone or approve of (I mean... slavery in general?? I write about it, doesn’t mean I support it in any capacity even if I think it’s believable for Ozai’s Fire Nation to enslave people...), but that are part of the story nonetheless.

Storytelling can be done for fluffy and happy reasons exclusively, and there’s a lot of fics that are like that, but Gladiator is a fic with a huge plot comprised by a ton of tinier plot threads, dealing with serious subjects and themes of many sorts. And if I’m going to do it justice, I can’t shy away from the darkness of my characters, the terrible mistakes they can make or the hard-earned redemption they can obtain after working their asses off to amend them. Azula’s decision to turn Sokka into a slave could be judged just as harshly as Sokka’s mistakes have been judged by many readers, and she should be condemned for it on the same capacity, if not more so: there’d be no story altogether if she hadn’t made this mistake, however. They both have wronged each other, it’s the truth, but they have done their damnedest to atone for their actions once they truly understood how wrong they were.

I don’t think highly of myself as a writer these days, haven’t in ages, but I know I’d think even less of myself if I only ever played it safe and stuck to the storytelling beats everyone demands and expects from stories. The majority of Part 2 is, in fact, a gamble I silently made with Gladiator’s readerbase to find out what would happen if I didn’t simply fall into the typical structure expected from stories like mine. What if I actually show my readers what a solid, healthy, strong relationship between Azula and Sokka works like in practice, instead of immediately resorting to tearing them apart barely a few chapters after they got together for conflict’s sake?

... Of course, that particular experiment didn’t have an unanimous result either, and just like chapter 28, I may have alienated thousands of people by making the creative decision I did for the entirety of Part 2. And yet the story, in my personal opinion, wouldn’t be half of what it is if I’d made a different choice! Sooo... *shrug* what can I tell ya, Anon. Writing is hard. Writing means making tough choices your readers won’t understand sometimes. Writing means making yourself cry happy/sad tears at 2 AM because you nearly killed half of your OTP and it’s tearing you to shreds deep inside :’D and while I categorically refuse to say I’ve made all the right choices for Gladiator, I think the story would be infinitely lesser than it is if I wasn’t willing to give my characters hardships and complications they can learn to overcome, no matter how painful they might be.

(Otherwise, heh, there would be no Part 3, soooo...)

#anon #gladiator chapter 123 #if anyone needs a read more for this let me know #I am posting it hella late in the night so #I'd assume your dashboards will have plenty of other things and my long-ass answer won't be too much trouble (?)#... but who knows #so yep let me know :'D #... and yeah I mean that about Part 3 #I really do #if I were to simply write happy things and cut all the uncomfortable and painful things from Gladiator #heh #simply put there would be no conclusion for it #because things aren't going to be pretty by part 3 #not in the least #and if backlash still scared me I'd probably consider chopping the story short at the end of Part 2 X'D #but wow would that be the cringiest cop-out #so whatever readers I have left by then #sorry but you're all gonna go down a pretty nasty lane with me #:'D

6 notes · View notes

mikauzoran · 5 years

Text

Lukadrienette Drabble: Nachtmusik Chapter Twenty

A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik) Chapter Twenty: Parental Guidance

“So what’s up with the sound system?” Luka inquired as he and Anarka reached the deck of the Liberty.

“Nothing,” Anarka sighed, running a hand through her bangs as she motioned with a tip of her head for him to follow her over to the sofa under the covered area. “That was just an excuse to get you up here so I could talk to you.”

Luka stopped, hanging back in the entryway. “About…what?” he inquired cautiously, suddenly on his guard.

Anarka took a seat and shook her head, patting the spot on the sofa next to her. The sag of her shoulders and the downward turn of her mouth made her look weary. “Luc, you know I make a policy of staying the hell out of you and your sister’s lives unless I see you struggling or screwing up…. Honey, lately you’ve been screwing up.”

Luka tensed, the hair on his arms standing straight up. “Okay,” he scoffed, “but before you say a word about Adrien and Marinette, answer me this: Do you even know who my father is? I kind of get the feeling that he isn’t the guy you were living with at the time, so I’m not sure you have any right to call me out on this one.”

Anarka gave her son an unamused look, shook her head, and sighed. “I mean, I’ve got a list of contenders if you want to go ask for paternity tests.”

Luka shrank, the surge of defensiveness he’d felt at first abruptly petering out. His gaze dropped to the deck. “I’m so sorry, Mom. That was completely out of line.” He slunk over to the sofa and sank down beside her, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. “I may be incredibly sensitive about the Marinette and Adrien issue.”

“Luc,” Anarka called gently, reaching out to rest a comforting hand between his shoulder blades. “Honey, I didn’t call you up here to harp or condemn. I have to admit I feel bad for Marinette…and Adrien too…but I’m not in the business of pointing fingers.”

“Then what are we here to talk about?” Luka mumbled, lowering one of his hands from his face to glance sideways at his mother.

“The way you’re going about this,” Anarka answered. “Clearly you’ve never done this before because you suck at it. Luka, the first rule of double dealing is ‘Don’t get caught’. If I hadn’t been standing in that hallway just a bit ago, Marinette would have walked in on you and Adrien with your arms around each other, pressed together from thigh to chest, and I don’t think you could have explained that away.”

Luka winced. “How long were you hanging out in the hallway?”

Anarka gave an indignant snort. “It’s my hallway. I’ll loiter in it just as long as I please.”

Luka deflated.

“I saw Rose pull Marinette into Juleka’s room as I was heading towards the kitchen for some coffee. I imagine I caught most of your fight with Adrien,” Anarka confessed.

Luka shrank further with a little groan.

“You need to be more careful,” Anarka advised, “especially when they’re both around. You can’t get distracted. You have to be mindful of where they are and what they can see and hear. It sounds like this morning was a total cluster with Adrien ‘walking in on’, in a way, you spending the night with Marinette and Marinette almost catching you smoothing Adrien’s ruffled feathers. You’re playing a tricky game, Luka, and if you’re going to do this, you need to be more vigilant.”

Luka groaned again. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I mean, it sounds so calculated and-and, frankly, bad when you talk about it like that.” Realization dawned upon him. “I guess because it is bad. …I am officially on the same level as a fungus.”

“You’re not,” Anarka stressed, moving her hand up to his shoulder to give it a bolstering squeeze.

“I am a cheating pig,” Luka lamented miserably.

“Stoooop,” Anarka sighed heavily. “We’re not here to morally evaluate and pass judgment on your actions. We’re here to help you cheat better.”

Luka looked up at his mother, vexed. “I feel like, I’d rather you berate me and point fingers. What I’m doing is not okay. Stop condoning this.”

Anarka threw up her hands. “You only think what you’re doing isn’t okay because someone has put ideas about monogamy and ‘the institution of marriage’ into your head. Who taught you this? Because it certainly wasn’t me.”

Luka snorted. “I blame TV and movies.”

Anarka gave a sharp nod. “You know, I heard that some places people practice consecutive relationships. That’s the societal norm. It’s not ‘cheating’…. Then again, everyone’s open about it. Maybe that’s your problem. Obviously, Adrien knows what’s going on, more or less, but you haven’t told Marinette about Adrien, have you? I can tell by how buddy-buddy she is with him, how easily she was joking downstairs in the kitchen. She has no idea Adrien wants you to leave her for him.”

Luka looked away.

Anarka groaned. “Have you even told her you’re bi yet?”

Luka shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet his mother’s gaze.

“Luuuuc,” she chided gently, clicking her tongue.

“I’m working on it.” He blew out a long, tired breath. “I got pretty close last night. It’s just…things are really complicated between Adrien and Marinette. I’m trying to find a time to tell her that’s not going to hurt her and wreck our relationship.”

Anarka crossed her arms and gave a little “Hmph”. “If telling a girl you also like men is going to ruin your relationship with her, it doesn’t sound like you two have much as it is.”

Luka winced.

His heart spasmed at the thought that maybe it was true, maybe he didn’t mean much to Marinette after all.

“If she can’t accept you for who you are, Luc, maybe Marinette isn’t the one you’ve been searching for.”

Luka’s slouching posture further crumpled. “It’s…It’s complicated. It’s not that I don’t think she could accept me. It’s…just…telling her about everything with Adrien…I’m waiting for the right time. When it won’t hurt her.”

Anarka took a deep breath and considered her son for a moment before responding. “…You know, I think you need to sit down with the both of them and talk about this. Luka, I slept around a lot, but I was open about it with my partners, so it wasn’t a problem unless one of them started to get clingy. Maybe if you talked to Adrien and Marinette, you three could agree to an open relationship or maybe even a threesome. I mean, Marinette and Adrien still seem to have feelings for one another. Maybe you’re all making each other miserable for no reason.”

Luka sighed, leaning back and slumping against the sofa. “Adrien’s too possessive for an open relationship. You saw him today. He’s too insecure. I don’t know about Marinette, but I think a threesome is out for now because things are too complicated between them at the moment. They’re just starting to trust one another and be friends again….”

Luka looked away with another sigh. “And they still have a lot of issues and things they’re holding grudges for. Marinette went on a pretty intense tirade about Adrien last night, and Adrien sometimes makes some pretty nasty jealous, resentful comments about Marinette. I’m hesitant to say something and tip the balance, wreck their relationship. Adrien is already keeping score, and Marinette has an even worse competitive streak. I don’t want her to feel like she constantly has to one-up Adrien. I don’t want to be in the middle of an all-out war between them.”

Anarka nodded slowly, processing Luka’s estimation of the situation. “…Well, you don’t seem very happy with your relationship with Marinette right now. I can tell she likes you Luka, but it’s obvious that she’s just not as taken with you as she is with Adrien. Adrien, on the other hand… You know, two years ago, I was with Rose. I thought for sure he was going to be the one for you.”

Luka cringed at the reminder of what he had lost.

“Have you ever thought about breaking up with Marinette and giving things with Adrien another try?” Anarka pressed, studying her son’s profile intently.

A wave of undulating emotions washed over Luka’s face. He tipped his head back and scrubbed at his face with a long groan of frustration as he informed her, “Mom, Adrien and I aren’t compatible long-term. We want different things in a relationship, so dating him now is only going to hurt Marinette and break both Adrien and my hearts in the long run. My best chance is to just stick with Marinette and tough it out.”

Anarka bit the inside of her cheek. “Do you think a threesome would work in the future?” she inquired hesitantly. “You said that the idea was out right now, but…how about when things with Marinette and Adrien are more stable? Is that something you’d want?”

Luka let out a broken little sigh as he turned to his mother. “Yes, but…I’m afraid to say anything.”

“Why?” Anarka urged.

“Because…I’m scared that if they realize they can be together again, they’ll go off and be together and leave me behind,” he confessed in a small voice, looking very much like the tearful five-year-old who had woken her in the middle of the night when he’d dreamed that she’d turned into bubbles and been carried away by the Seine.

She reached out and gently began to pet his hair, massaging his scalp like she’d done when he was little. “Lulu, why would they ever do that?”

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. “Because they don’t really want me. I’m nobody’s first choice, Maman. Marinette only agreed to go out with me after things with Adrien blew up because I make her feel better, and Adrien is practically the same. He’s only throwing himself at me so hard because the girl he really wants rejected him. It’s what happened two years ago too. I’m just a consolation prize…one that no one actually wants,” he muttered ruefully.

Anarka felt her heart throb and ache for her baby. Normally he was so mature and responsible and collected. It was no secret that he was the one that kept the household from deteriorating into utter chaos. He kept them running and somewhat organized. He was the stabilizing influence in all of the mess. It was easy for Anarka to forget that Luka was just barely out of childhood. He’d been the adult of the house since he was ten and the man he’d called “Father” had left them.

Besides the notable exceptions of the breakups with Honoré and Adrien, Luka was always tranquil, cheerful, levelheaded, laidback, and slow to anger. It was easy to assume that everything was fine with him, that he had it under control. Anarka hadn’t suspected that her boy was harboring that kind of pain and insecurity in his heart.

“Oh, Luka,” she cooed. “Honey…maybe you need to break things off with the both of them and find someone else. Luka, you haven’t been very happy this year.” She hurried to continue as he opened his mouth to cut her off, “—Yes, I know they do make you happy at times, but…not consistently. They make you miserable a lot, and I don’t like seeing you this way.”

“It’s fine,” Luka lied. “I’m fine.”

Anarka shook her head slowly. “Luc, you are a wonderful person, and the person who ends up with you should feel like they won the lottery. To hear you say that you don’t feel like Adrien and Marinette really want you…Honey, that breaks my heart. You deserve better. You deserve someone who wants to kiss and make love to you all day long. You deserve someone who’s going to commit to you like you commit to them. Stop letting people walk all over you. Stop being so patient and selfless and good all the time and do something for you, Luka. You can’t put yourself on the backburner forever,” she chided, trying to talk sense into him.

Luka huffed in frustration. “What would you have me do, Maman?”

“Break up with them,” Anarka decreed simply. “Go date around and have some good sex until you find someone else you click with who will make you a priority. If it takes a few years, it takes a few years, but, for Heaven’s sake, get Marinette and Adrien out of your system.”

Luka pulled away with a long, exhausted sigh. “I see only a few problems with your plan.”

“Only a few?” she snorted in laughter.

“One, I only sleep with people I’m in love with.”

Anarka rolled her icy blue eyes. “Which I will never understand.”

He rolled his right back at her. “You don’t have to understand it, Mom. I only ask that you try to accept it.”

“Clearly, I didn’t teach you right,” she sulked.

He snorted. “For my fourteenth birthday you gave me a box of condoms and told me I could sleep with whomever I wanted so long as I always used protection and didn’t get anyone pregnant. What exactly was that supposed to teach me?”

“Responsibility, autonomy, good decision-making skills,” she recited. “Possibly how to clean up your own messes and learn from mistakes. You were supposed to go out and experiment and learn from life experience. I don’t know how you got it in your head that waiting for marriage was a thing.”

“Not marriage necessarily,” Luka chuckled. “Just love. Which brings me to problem number two with your plan: I love Adrien and Marinette. There is no getting them out of my system because I’ve been smitten with them for over four years now. No matter who else I’m with, my feelings for them never change. I don’t think there ever will be anyone I love more than them, and that’s not fair to other prospective partners. Everyone I’ve dated since the breakup with Adrien…they’ve been fine—some of them have been great, even—but none of the guys are Adrien, and none of the girls are Marinette. It’s a constant comparison, and that’s not right, Mom.”

Anarka shook her head and sighed in defeat. “How did I manage to raise such a martyr? So what’s your plan? You’re just going to let Marinette and Adrien squeeze the life and joy out of you and make you feel unwanted all the time?”

Luka looked away. “It’s not that bad. It’s not always like this. I’m just in a bit of a slump right now…. Sometimes they do things that make me feel really good, like they do love me and they do understand and really do get me. Adrien wrote a song about me, and he comes to band rehearsals and all my gigs to support me. With Marinette, it’s all the little things that add up. She memorized my schedule, and she always brings me lunch on the days when I have back to back classes and don’t have time to run and get something myself. Adrien is all about the grand gestures, but Marinette shows that she cares constantly in small ways like bringing over study snacks or patching up ratty jeans. It’s not perfect, but…they don’t squeeze the life and joy out of me.” He looked back at her hesitantly, eyes silently entreating her for some kind word of encouragement.

Anarka’s shoulders slumped. She wanted to demand, “So do they love you or don’t they?”, but she was starting to see that it was far more complicated than that. In a way, she could relate. Anarka hadn’t loved much in her life, but she had loved the man Luka and Juleka called “Father”. She remembered the explosive, draining eleven years she had spent with him. She remembered wanting to strangle him. She remembered wanting to die without him. She remembered the violent fights and the passionate making up. She remembered feeling loved and understood. She remembered feeling completely alone.

She supposed Luka’s relationship with Marinette and Adrien was complicated like that.

“All right,” she relented. “Okay. It’s your life, Luc, and you’re old enough to decide what to do with it. I’ve said my peace, and now I’m going to butt out. If you want to talk about this some more, you know I’m always there for you, but this is obviously something that you’re going to have to work out on your own.”

Luka nodded, seemingly satisfied with the conclusion to their discussion. “Thanks, Maman.”

She stood and clapped him on the shoulder with an affectionate smile. “Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome. Go back to your girlfriend and your lover. Just…” She grimaced. “Be careful with your heart, Luc…and don’t get caught cheating.”

He laughed as he got to his feet and bent down to hug her. “Thanks, Mom.”

She gave him a solid squeeze and prayed for the best, knowing that that was all she could do.

#Adrien Agreste/Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #Lukadrienette #Luka Couffaine #Anarka Couffaine #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Mikau's Writings #A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik)

4 notes · View notes

undeadmanbun · 5 years

Text

Sorry, that’s not how this works. I don’t have to be more mindful when people in her fandom are doing this on the regular. This user kept naming others and that’s all well and good when it’s just accusations of being “a special case”, but then she accused [ETA: I should say she entertained accusations because the anon actually made the accusation] people of illegal activities and edited her posts after the fact. I bear her no ill will at all, but she should have apologised when someone told her that there were receipts. I’m sorry she’s upset and I would happily talk to her to clear the air. She has messaged me but I’m hesitant to publish it, I suspect it would make matters worse.

I absolutely do not condone anons, I get lots myself and I would condemn them all. But you all let this happen as well, you all watched it day in day out. Just this morning her friends were going “DRAG THEM” in response to the anon who accused someone and then she claimed I was obsessed with her for putting the record straight for a hack that happened to us.

Actions have consequences. Mine, hers, all of ours. I replied because I was one of the people targeted in a hack. My friend was being accused of hacking. Other people (go see the jonsa tag now) were illegally hacked by your (?) fandom and then that fandom tried to pass the buck back to us. That’s not ok.

Legitimately I am sorry if she’s upset, that was never my intention, but she’s far from blameless here.

#fandom wank

51 notes · View notes

cuckiller-blog · 5 years

Text

About the Killer...

Hello there person on the internet. I don't know you, but if you're reading this you will know me, or at least what I'm about. The name and description of this account pretty much says it all; pretty much...

I just want to clarify that I am fully aware that the terms "snowflake", "SJW" and "cuck" have been made popular due to extreme right Republican, mostly Trump supporters over the last few years; however, they don't own those terms nor are the first to use them. I am not a Trump supporter and never will be. As a matter of fact, Donald Trump is one of the biggest snowflakes I have ever witnessed. Getting butthurt over every little criticism, insulting people he once claimed he liked/respected because they say they don't agree with everything he does (pre and post presidential election mind you), etc... the man is a crybaby.

Just so we're clear here... A snowflake cuck is simply anyone, republican or democrat, liberal or conservative, who gets offended by every little thing or every little person under the reality sun who doesn't agree with their fragile sensibilities.

This goes for the following which I will be covering over time:

- Using certain terms/phrases which can be negative (grasp your chest and gasp now) to express emotions, but don't reflect that person's actual beliefs about human issues. I.E. If I say something is gay or call someone a faggot that doesn't mean I am against homosexual people, or their rights or that I'm protesting gay marriage in front of court houses. Sorry the word "straight" isn't used to describe dumb shit, but that doesn't mean everyone saying shit is gay means they hate gay people...

- Stating facts about people and their appearance..... Sorry fat people... If you're fat, you're fat. Sorry simple facts of life bother you so much. I know a few skinny people also hate being called skinny due to body issues, but it's far and few between fat people and the same still applies.... If you're fat, you're fat, if you're skinny, you're skinny, if you're whatever in between, you're whatever in between, doesn't always mean people are out to get you and doesn't mean they hate you or think you're ugly just cause you're FACTUALLY fat...

- Jokes/Stand-Up Comedy/Overly PC Fascist crowds... You are cancer, you are killing comedy because you don't know how to take a joke and not take everything seriously.... Do you not realize most of what comedians say they don't even truly believe IRL? Even if they do..... Who cares? As long as it's funny? Sorry, anything can be a joke, including rape. Doesn't mean they condone rape... If you can't understand that, move the fuck along snowflake. The PC culture has gone to the extremes in general as well, people can't say anything without being made to feel like pieces of shit because they say something someone may not like as a part of freedom of expression. I'm not even talking about people going around saying blatantly evil shit, those people are dicks, but I mean the most innocent of shit. Like if someone says "I have a friend who's an Indian, he lives on a reservation a few towns over." and people act like you just condemned that whole group to hell because you didn't call your FRIEND a "Native American!!!!" instead.... Lol..... Ugghhhhh.... Get a grip people......

- Millennials.... The epitome of the snowflake plaque..... Sure, not all millennials are snowflakes, but a good majority of them are. Much more than past generations..... They call it progressive behavior when really they are being fascists trying to control free speech and expression; especially at stand-up comedy acts..... Just gay as fuck.... Lol

- Asexuals/Sexual Shamers.... So now a days if you comment on someone's appearance as being "hot" or "sexy" these little pieces of shit wanna downvote and criticize said posts because they don't understand the simple fact that men have penises and women have vaginas and sometimes they see people in certain revealing clothing/poses that induce a sexually attracted response as a condition of being a normal human rather than some sexually repressed cuck.

- Feminazis...... Lol...... Just lol..... Not every person who has a penis and makes a seemingly funny or observational comment about the opposite sex is trying to strip away all of your rights or how strong or equal you can be. The difference between genuine feminists and feminazis is night and day....

Oversensitive/overprotective animal rights cucks..... Sorry bitch boy, it's not animal abuse, it's innocent fun so STFU about "Don't ever do that to that beautiful animal ever again! You don't deserve to have pets!" when it's clear the animal is not in danger and it's just good fun. You're a dumb shit and you know nothing about how well they care for their pets or their bond and simply judge them because some guy sneaked up behind his dog, yelled and made him jump or some shit? Gimme a break ya little bitch...

- Did you assume my/that person's gender!!!!? No shit stick, I don't assume when facts are concerned, I just go by said facts. Chances are if you look like a dude, you're a dude. If you look like a chick, you're a chick. If it quacks like a duck............. It probably calls you a cuck. Look, nobody cares if you identify as a woman, if you've got a 5 o'clock shadow, adam's apple and a penis taped to your thigh behind some dress, wig, and makeup, you're still a fuckin dude..... I'm not gonna call you a woman cause you identify as one "inside". I'm also not going to say a white guy is black because he identifies as a black man. I won't call you a cat because you're a human who identifies as a feline ya nutty bitch. Funny how that works eh? Gender is not fluid and it's not a choice. Nor is race or friggin' species. Lol....

You can turn yourself from male to female aesthetically and call yourself a woman, sure, and I'll most likely call you a woman if you actually look like a woman, but you're still factually not a woman. You don't have milk producing breasts or possess a real vagina or womb..... You can never get pregnant..... Never have a period...... Not a real woman..... Deal with it. "But Cuck Killer, some women can't get pregnant!" blah blah blah.... Yeah, we are all aware of this. It's also not the norm, and obviously even for women who can't get pregnant and whatnot......... Their vagina is still real/natural from birth soooo..... Yeeeeaaahhhhhh...... They are real women still...... Because..... ya know..... their vagina's weren't fashioned from half a mutilated penis..... This also applies to the cancerous "he/him" or "her/she" bullshit on some people's social media profiles. You don't need to proclaim your gender like that, nobody cares. This wasn't something people ever put in profiles to "clarify MY gender" up until a couple years ago. I go out of my way to call them the opposite gender of what they shove in your face to refer to them as just to see them blow their shit. Lol

It's also clear that when someone addresses a group of people and says "Hey, guys!" even when women are present, it's just a common greeting and "guys" in this context just means people.... Not literally calling the women males.... So relax and stop throwing a bitch fit when people say that. It's not always about gender specifics for crying out loud.

- LGBTQXYZSDL blah blah blah whatever it's initial count is up to at this very second of this minute of this hour. Look, I'm not against gay people, nor do I dislike them generally speaking. I am for gay marriage and all that jazz, so this isn't so much about the gay community but more so the people (not all of them are even gay, but they are snowflakes) who raise a big shit when you say "LGBT" but leave the Q off, or worse yet just say "gay/transgendered community" instead of the initials. They act like you just killed a baby right in front of them, calm down faggot, it's not that big of a deal. (Again, snowflakes, me saying faggot there doesn't mean I hate gay people, read above and note that I have no hate for homosexuals and faggot in this case simply means "dumb shit" lol).... How long will it be before they add a new initial to it and people shit their pants if you don't say "LGBTQBSHSKSBDGSN" in one breath without pausing to catch your breath in between? I cringe to see the day. LMAO

And more than likely more ridiculous shit as time goes on. Sure this list will be updated over time as dumb shit keeps happening.... But that is the gist of what this account will be about. Basically people getting offended and raising a stink over every little thing.

If you're still reading you either agree with me or you're a glutton for logical punishment. Either way, get those seat belts on!

1 note · View note

preevelynn-blog · 5 years

Text

ManyVids Interview

Tell us about your cult:

I am the High Priestess of the Cult of Yith. We are a cult that is dedicated to learning all there is about consensual sexual perversion and deviancy. We accept every kind of gender identity and expression and sexuality. The main goal of our cult is to collectively have as many different kinds of sex and orgasms as possible for the sake of knowledge. We only condone fully consensual sexual interactions and fully condemn any kind of nonconsensual sexual act. The Yithians collect data on all the different kinds of sexual activities that our cult members are a part of and they add it to their grand libraries that hold knowledge from infinite places and times.

The Yithians are a species of highly evolved extraterrestrial (and sometimes terrestrial) beings who can swap their consciousness with individual creatures through not only space, but also time. A Yithian living on prehistoric planet earth could potentially swap bodies with Genghis Khan, or Abraham Lincoln, or a random person living in the year 2045. They can swap their consciousness with creatures and beings from anywhere in the universe at any time. This is how I first came into contact with them. They must have taken control of my body in the past because I now exist in strange dreams that involve them. I understand that all they seek is knowledge and I’ve always seen knowledge as power, so I’ve created the Cult of Yith to use my own talents as a sexual deviant to help the Yithians gain knowledge about human sexuality. It’s very convoluted, I know. The bottom line is that if you join the Cult of Yith and you have interesting, fun, consensual, and unique sex eventually when the Yithians come back to Earth and claim their rightful place as rulers of the planet, we will be given the role of librarian in their grand libraries for our contributions. Plus your life will just be better with a religion that fully supports your odd kinks.

What role does music play in your life?

Music plays many different roles in my life. The biggest role music plays in my life is that of a way for me to communicate. Music is also a friend, an enemy, a religion, and many more things. I am almost always listening to music unless I am sleeping and I create music every single day. It has a near constant presence in my life. I create music for all the porn that I make. It may not be very good, but it’s something I made and that makes me proud. My favorite art has always been art that is provocative and socially conscious. I think in American society right now we need to be pushing for sex work to be more protected, socially and legally, and music is a great medium to do that. Music can be a wrapper for a message that makes a message an easier pill for humanity to swallow. I love to make music that focuses on and is influenced by sex work, intersectional feminism, and the rights of genderqueer people while theatrically wrapping it all up in a recognizable package, such as the imagery of a religion or cult. *hint hint nudge nudge* Music, and all art forms that I indulge in, are a way for me to unapologetically say what I want to say.

What do you see as the major issues facing the LGBTQ+ community in adult entertainment?

I think one of the most glaring issues faced by LGBTQ+ people in adult entertainment is the remaining stigma around trans and gay performers and the silence of many cis industry members about this topic. Performers and managers steer away from gay and trans people for a lot of different reasons and some of these reasons are direct reflections of a past that’s already been thoroughly gutted and exposed as idiotic and queerphobic. There are some very stark differences between how cis and trans performers in the adult entertainment industry are treated. For example, segregation between cis and trans women is alive and well on MyFreeCams to the extent that MyFreeCams doesn’t allow trans women to perform on their site even though they are supposedly a “women only” cam site. In their rules and wiki there is a lot of trans exclusionary language. On their wiki it says “Natural-born women” only and on their official site rules they say nothing about disallowing trans women, but they do say “No men.” So if a trans woman can get through the background check (Which I did because they don’t ask for a picture of your genitals) and gets banned from the site, what rule did she break? It’s pretty safe to assume she only broke the “No men” rule even though she isn’t a man. MyFreeCams won’t address the issue at all and when I got banned from their site my account was deleted, they took all the money I had earned during my show, and I never got a response as to “why” I was banned. Their silence protects them.

This is a really important issue because MyFreeCams is probably the biggest cam site in the world and they sponsor so many huge events and conventions related to sex work. So you’ll have safe spaces and events for MyFreeCams models that are essentially spaces and events for women, but trans women are excluded. MyFreeCams is a huge part of the industry and they should treat all women equally, we should demand better from the large companies that represent the different aspects of sex work. Just a reminder to all cis models on MyFreeCams, 40-50% of your hard earned money is going to supporting this behavior. I understand you might not have the privilege to leave, but that’s not stopping you from emailing MyFreeCams asking why trans women aren’t allowed, or from putting them on blast on social media. On other issues too, we should not be silent. When MyFreeCams is transphobic we need our cis allies to call them out and be loud because they don’t care about what trans people think. If you’re an ally and your manager is being homophobic don’t be silent, call them out. Homophobes and transphobes don’t care about queer people, they will mostly only listen to other cisgender straight people. Power structures are torn down from the top, not the bottom. Please help.

What are your favorite fetishes? Are there any you got into thanks to making content? Any you keep for your private life and don’t film?

I think my favorite fetish is blasphemy targeted at Roman Catholicism. I got into blasphemy from doing private shows for ministers and active church goers who wanted me to really dig into their religion and basically replace their God with myself. I was raised Roman Catholic and I find the King James version of the bible to be very problematic and anti-queer, so I revel in the opportunity to tackle something that often puts me down. Whenever I do one of these shows I often start by detailing to my submissive the passages in the bible that condemn me as a trans woman, specifically the ones in deuteronomy, and explaining how their God wanted me to be in league with the devil by creating me this way. Then I will go on and explain how Satan and I are converting God’s own angels and humans against him by helping them to see the light of sexual deviancy. Then we do all kinds of naughty things in MY name instead of God’s name.

I find it refreshing and empowering to fight against something much more powerful than myself that actively oppresses me and people like me. The Catholic church is one such force and I revel in the opportunity to not only voice my opinions about the Christian mythos, but also to get someone who is a part of it to realize how anti-trans their own book can be. It is beneficial and positive for both me and the submissive and every single submissive I’ve done a blasphemy show with has returned more times than I can remember for the same experience.

Who are your: musical heroes, adult entertainment heroes, and political heroes, and why?

I don’t really have many heroes. I think some of my biggest influences when it comes to music and porn are Marilyn Manson and Natalie Mars. Marilyn Manson’s provocative style just really makes my inner goth girl squeal, and I think Natalie Mars is just so gosh darned physically talented. I wish I could take the things in my butt she does.

What is the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?

That scene at the end of the Witch where the girl talks to the goat.

What is the most annoying question that people ask you?

It’s not a question, but I hate when guys want to talk about how they are straight, but they would still fuck me. Like, yeah… duh… if you were gay you would probably want to fuck a man?

What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Ariana Grande

What sexual fantasy would you like to make a reality through making an adult vid?

I would love to recreate the exorcism scene from the Exorcist, but instead of Regan and two male priests I’ll be possessed and two sexy female nuns will fuck the devil out of me.

Say something to your fans:

I appreciate you all and if you respect and support me I respect and support you. <3

Fast 10:

The Best Topping/Ice Cream Combination Is:

Spaghettieis from Germany

One piece of entertainment I wish I could erase from my mind so that I could experience it for the first time again is:

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

If I could have an orgy with anyone on Earth it would be the following people:

Marilyn Manson (1994 version), Katie Marovich from CollegeHumor, and Peter Steele (Also 1994 version).

If you wanted to talk dirty to me you should say:

Describe giving me oral sex and then cuddling me.

The sexiest outfit I own is:

A lace bodysuit that one of my biggest supporters of the name Ser_Koopa bought me!

This sex toy I love and this sex toy I dislike:

I love my fleshlight and I’m not a fan of plastic prostate massagers.

If I could time travel I’d visit this era:

1994 for the metal or some time in the future when I’m not living way below the poverty line and I’m comfortable.

The best way to start the day is:

Yoga!

One thing I wish I knew more about is:

Stocks and investments

The one major sex tip I have for people is:

Communicate. It’s always a good idea to ask someone if they are ok during a sexual experience.

1 note · View note

the-secret-life-of-bi · 6 years

Text

A Single Pale Rose - some thoughts

Alright, buckle up, because I just finished school and I finally have the time to write all of my thoughts and feelings about the information we got in the latest Steven Universe episode. I mean ALL of them. There may be a spoiler from some leaks in here, so consider yourself warned. Here we go:

For starters, let’s talk Rose.

So first of all, I have to say, if you have reverted to referring to Rose as Pink Diamond in every context, I think that’s very wrong. Rose is the identity she chose, and that is how she wanted to be known. If you meet someone who introduces themselves one way, and you find out years down the line that this person had transitioned from one identity to this new identity before meeting you, why on Earth would you begin referring to them as the old identity’s name? That seems wrong to me, especially on a show that is so overtly LGBTQ+ friendly. I’m not saying that the complexities of the situation aren’t problematic, just don’t dead-name Rose when referring to her in situations where she was, in fact, Rose. That makes you a jerk, imo. I do occasionally find that referring to her pre-shattering as PD is sometimes necessary for clarity reasons, but as fans of such a progressive show, we must be respectful of the way we treat other people’s identities.

This leads the way to my next point pretty clearly. Everyone is dumbfounded how PD could have kept up her her Rose Quartz form for so long. Some have speculated that it’s because she is a Diamond and therefore strong enough, but I think it’s simpler than that. We all know that keeping a fusion together can be taxing, especially when it’s not stable, but Garnet exists almost exclusively as a fusion with very little difficulty (accept during the most trying of times). What if it’s the same for shape shifting? Trying to maintain the form of something you’re not is difficult and can have serious consequences. Since Rose was her true identity, though, keeping her Rose form might have been as easy as keeping her original PD form.

From here, I want to talk about PD’s motivations to take on the identity of Rose Quartz. A lot of people say that she was selfish and merely wanted to escape her responsibilities. They feel that her tactics only prove that she is truly evil. A lot of people feel that because she was a Diamond, she was able to do what she wanted, and was not oppressed by the system they way that a Rose Quartz soldier would be. This is true, to an extent. Under the Diamond Authority, Diamonds do hold the power and are not in any way under the same subjugation as all other gems and colony planets. That being said, we need to remember that power structures like this often also negatively impact the ones who are in power. For example, the patriarchy is rather oppressive of most non-cismale identities. However, cismen also face oppression at the hands of the patriarchy: their emotions are often forcibly stunted by others when they are young, they are expected to be both physically and mentally strong in every situation, and their standards of beauty are equally as demanding as those for women. I am not claiming that men suffer more, or even as much, under the patriarchy, just that they do suffer. And as such, PD suffered under the Diamond Authority. She originally wanted a colony and to be like the other Diamonds. Once she got it and understood what it truly meant to colonize something, she realized that she didn’t want that at all. She wanted to be her own gem, she wanted to allow others the same freedom, and she wanted to allow the Earth to survive. However, under Diamond Authority expectations, she could not do this. She had to defy the Diamond Authority as much as any other gem would in order to do what she did, even if it seems like it was easier for her to do so as a Diamond. She used questionable tactics such as manipulation and deceit, but no one ever said war was honest. I’m not condoning the way she handled things or saying she needs to be forgiven. But those condemning her as evil need to consider what she tried to do. Her heart was in the right place, and as a person (well, gem) of privilege, she realized she had the ability to do something and she did it. That is commendable. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Rose hurt a lot of people, but she did what she thought was right in the only way she knew how. That is not an evil person (or gem).

Now, onto Pearl.

Poor, sweet Pearl. This is the most heartbreaking part of this story. Where to begin?

Knowing what we know, can we truly consider Pearl her own gem? She is a Pearl after all, a servant with the predisposition of being ultimately loyal to the gem to whom she is assigned. Therefore, when Rose asked Pearl to “shatter” her, could she really have said no? Could Pearl have said no to anything that Rose asked her? I don’t know. I truly do not know, and this is where I have the biggest issue with what Rose did. It is impossible to tell whether Pearl had actual freedom in this situation, at least at this point, and so I do feel that Rose took advantage of her to an extent. Even if she had already given Pearl her freedom, it was clear that Pearl was still in love with her, so I feel that she at least took advantage of her affection, even if she didn’t take advantage of her superior position by giving her a direct Diamond order to aid the rebellion.

This begs the questions, did Rose actually care about Pearl? I think yes. Rebecca Sugar states that using “my” in front of a gem’s name is a term of endearment or respect, and in “Rose’s Scabbard,” we hear Rose refer to Pearl as “my Pearl”. I think she did care about Pearl, and she did want Pearl to be free to do as she pleased. I think that it was hard for Pearl to let go of her programming to obey Rose’s wishes though, even if she was technically free, and that muddles up all of the intentions in their relationship.

What about Garnet?

Of course, we know that Sapphire is going to struggle with this, and rightfully so. She was a high ranking gem and because of this war, she lost her status, her way of life, and her home. Ruby also lost her way of life and her home, though because she was low ranking, she wasn’t losing much there. I can’t say I blame either of them for being upset. Yes, they wouldn’t have met without the war, and ultimately the freedom they’ve both gained is better than any status they held or could have held on Homeworld. That said, I can imagine it’s confusing and hurtful that the person who told them to accept themselves appears not to have been able to accept herself, either. But in all honesty, I feel like they’ll realize that Rose wanted them to accept what they could be, which she absolutely embraced.

Ultimately, I feel that Ruby feels so lucky to know Sapphire that, even though she feels hurt and betrayed by Rose too, she would rather feel hurt and have Sapphire in her life than never have met her at all. And I think Ruby will help Sapphire to realize that too. Then they get married...?

...and Bismuth?

This will be tricky. If you’ve seen the leaks, she obviously comes back. I don’t know how they will convince her not to go on a homicidal rampage when she finds out the person she most trusted was actually the person she was hellbent on destroying, but they are obviously going to figure it out. Maybe she never really trusted Rose after she was poofed and bubbled the first time, so this won’t seem like so much of a deception? Or maybe, she’ll realize that Steven is not Rose, like everyone else has, and she will spend time with him coping with the information, and do her best to help him set things right. After all, I’m sure she realizes that this is not his fault, even if he has his mother’s gem.

Other gems?

Since the mystery of PD has been solved (at least partially), it seems like the next logical plot point to address would be corruption. And you know what that means? Jasper. Yep, Jasper. Poor gem, she was created for a Diamond that she loved, and that Diamond was also the person she hated most (similar to Bismuth’s predicament, but I think its worse because she was created to do what she did instead of choosing it for herself like Bismuth). Not only will she have to cope with healing from corruption, but she’ll also have to deal with all of those conflicting emotions. I have no clear ideas on how that will go at this time, but I do know I’m very interested in a redemption arc for her now more than ever, and I was always a big proponent. This plot twist makes her 100% an empathetic character, and she deserves a chance to stop hating herself for how and why she was created.

The Diamonds - how will they react when they find out? Relief, confusion, sadness, anger, forgiveness? A combination? Again, the leaks seem to indicate that they don’t destroy the Crystal Gems, and that they reach an understanding, but HOW??!!?! How will Steven prove that his mom was, and he is, technically PD? And what about White Diamond? Will we meet her this season, as a result of this revelation? Will the Diamonds help heal the corruption? That seems to make logical sense to me, but again, there’s too much left up to speculation at this point for me to even know where to start forming theories on this one. I guess we will just have to wait an see.

I don’t really know what to say about Amethyst. She’s kind of a wild card in this situation. I have no idea how she’ll react, but I have this hunch that she’ll be very concerned about Steven and how he’s handling it. She had no stake in the war, and she’s really only ever reaped the benefits of Rose’s choices by always being a free gem. She’ll have some issues with being lied to, sure, but those lies never hurt her or her way of life, really. They’ve been more of a benefit than anything. However, she’ll see how it is affecting her friends, and she’ll see how much more weight was just added to Steven’s shoulders, and I think she’s really going to step up and be there to help everyone sort through the troubles they are facing. She’s grown up a lot in the past couple of seasons, and I expect to see that play an important part in this story arc.

Finally, Steven.

Of all the people Rose’s lies hurt, Steven is hurt the most. He already struggles with his identity and with his mother’s wrongdoings, so let’s just throw all that painfully confusing shit into one pot and stir it up, shall we? I think this revelation is a relief in some ways, that his mother did not go against her morals and shatter anyone. But it’s almost worse (read, definitely worse) that she effectively started a whole war from both sides at once, so that all of the shatterings that ensued were technically her fault. And even when she tried to stop it, she only made matters worse by prompting the corruption attack, whether she originally knew it was a possibility or not. I’ll say again, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I think Steven is learning that the hard way through this revelation. He’s coming to the very real realization that our parents are not always the heroes we paint them to be, even when they are literally war heroes of a sentient space rock species. He’s already grown so much, but I think this revelation will be pivotal in furthering his personal growth. I’m really excited to see how he makes amends for all of this, because we know he will, and I’m already proud of him for how he is going to do the right thing in this situation and try to help the people his mother hurt with her decisions.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, there you have it, my mad ravings. I mostly just needed to get those ideas of my chest, but feel free to reach out if you want to add something, have a question, or want to chat about it!

#steven universe #su #a single pale rose #pink diamond #su pearl #su garnet #su amethyst #rose quartz #diamond authority #su jasper

47 notes · View notes

sabbyvincent · 6 years

Text

How I Met Tom Gurney:

I had remembered it like it was yesterday.

I was exiting Hattrick's class, which was ironic considering I shared the class with Tom. I left to go to my locker, intending to put all of my books away when suddenly as I opened it, I was surprised to discover a bouquet of pink roses with a box of chocolates. I was in awe in that moment, my heart bursting with pure joy. No one had never done something like me, and I found it so romantic. I assumed it to be one of the greasers, or one of the non-cliques doing this for me. Possibly Jimmy, because I know he has a reputation for picking locks and running errands for other student's to put chocolates or flowers in a certain someone's locker. Upon retrieving the flowers in my hand by the stem, I discovered an anonymous folded note attached to it. On the front, it had revealed my name. I didn't recognize the handwriting, so I immediately cleared the boy's names. It was decent, and had a mature appeal to it. It was readable, and when I studied with Jimmy before I knew it wasn't his. His handwriting was much sloppier and careless. This person took the time to write my name perfectly.

I unfolded the note in hopes of finding the person's alias. But it was nothing. However, my heart was warm, palpiating more than normal. I read it word for word, carefully, trying my hardest to interpret who the culprit could be. It asked to meet me at the motel located in Bullworth at 7:00 on a Friday night, and the person addressed them as the famous secret admirer of everyone's life.

When I was in the dorm room, I pondered who this person was. I remembered taking all of my yearbooks I had from years prior to it, jotting down ideas in a notebook who my secret admirer was. The frustrations and irritations I would get, as it didn't make sense. I became annoyed that I was musing like this and making it out to be some mathematical equation. (Which coincidentally, my roommate Beatrice Trudeau who was studying on her AP Calculus homework) I decided to crumple the paper into a ball and toss it into the trash can, allowing my worries to fade away and be replaced with a grateful attitude that I received such a love letter like this.

I didn't tell anyone about the letter and the gifts. I was so thankful Beatrice didn't question the sudden change of having flowers in a vase. She was so occupied in her frequent study sessions we barely had a chance to bond much. Perks of having a introverted and closeted nerd for a roommate instead of a gossiping popular girl like Christy Martin. (No offense to her though, we are actually good friends.)

The main reason for not telling anyone was because at a school like Bullworth Academy, rumors spread like wildfire. (Legitimately stolen from a Sabrina Carpenter song- awesome first name by the way) Privacy was bound to get leaked, and all of your deepest secrets. For example, Vance's rash? When he told it to Lefty, he later told Luis, who told Casey, then transferred it to the entire football team, and then later the preps, and eventually the entire school. Or Mandy Wiles not so discreet crush on my brother? That too spread over to the entire school. He is well aware, and although is flattered he doesn't feel the same about her unfortunately for her.

Being smart, I kept it to myself at all times. I didn't even bother telling Ricky or Jimmy about this, and I trusted them with my entire life with all of my personal secrets. They were people I knew I could go to and trust. I didn't want my brother to find out, because if he knew someone had been sending me gifts- he wouldn't condone it and would kill the guy. Unlike me who found it flattering, he would take it as some creep trying to harass me.

His instincts just baffle me sometimes, but I guess I see his point.

So, Thursday, November 13th arrived, fresh and peaking through with gusts of wind. It was chilly, so I decided to zip my leather jacket over the burgundy colored dress I wore.

What? If I am meeting my secret admirer, might as well look nice right?

I brought the note with me, rereading through it. I borrowed Vance's cheap, dimestore watch and kept checking the time. 6:49. 6:50. 6:55. 6:58. I watched as time past by so quickly.

With a blink of my eyes, the watch struck seven, almost as if it was some fairytale, ripped from the plot of Cinderella. Here I was, standing pretty for fifteen minutes and feeling like I was fading. I awaited another ten minutes, and impatient, I had concluded that my secret admirer had stood me up. Perhaps it was a prep, thinking it would be all fun and games to jokingly arrange a meet up for me- the greaser princess who could tell my viscous, temperamental older brother that I was scammed of a date- and be beaten to by us, their rivalry clique. The smile that once lingered on my face that day was replaced with a grimacing frown, actually saddened by the fact he didn't show up. I swallowed my pride and disappointedly padded my way back to the girl's dorm on the dirt gravel behind the motel. Suddenly, a voice interrupted me.

"Wait."

His voice was soft and unrecognizable. It was relent, almost as if it could never be destroyed with pure anger. I had never heard his voice before, so it was indistinguishable who this person was. I turned around carefully, astonished to find a fellow classmate by the name of Tom Gurney standing before me. His buttoned up polo was loose at the top, only one being left unopened. How he managed to wear short sleeves and not freeze was beyond me.

"Don't leave." He attempted to convince me.

He approached me, shifting his footsteps towards me with caution. I couldn't help but take note at how his stance was a bit shy, almost as if he was hesitant to even make plans in the first place. When he made it closer to me, I offered him a small smile.

"You are my admirer?" I had asked him with amazement. He was a part of the Bullies clique and was friends with a couple of guys I had gone out on dates with. But they never pulled anything like this on me before.

"Uh.... yeah. I'm sure you were expecting someone better. I'm sorry about that." He apologized, feeling insecure. I shook my head negatively in response.

"Don't be sorry Tom. As a matter of fact, I am flattered." I responded simply, making him break out in a sly smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

We stared into each other's eyes for a moment. I couldn't stop staring at the bruise on his right eye, which made me feel so sympathetic and concerned. It had caused it to break into a small space in his brow, which made me ponder about his home life, or any fights he had involved himself in. Another thing about the Bullies was how they frequently participated in fights. I always saw one of them attempt to fight my brother or his friend's, but usually it never worked out. They were decent fighters, but all they did was punch, shove, or grapple then shove their opponents to the ground. The style never stood a chance against my clique, nor the preppies for that matter.

"I know we've never really had an encounter with each other til now, but I think you are the prettiest girl in school."

It was such a stereotypical thing for a guy to say. But hearing it from him, it sounded like he had actually meant it. Lola has never gotten involved with him, always going to Trent, Wade, or Davis to have a good time instead. I know occasionally I've spotted Angie and Christy holding hands or making out with Davis or Wade, but I never seen any of the other girls with Tom.

"You really think so?" I asked, grinning so cheekily and foolishly.

"Yeah, you are beautiful."

I blushed hard, but in the course of the night he couldn't notice. It wasn't so revealing, thankfully.

"That's so sweet, Tom. You know, you could of always just asked me out if you wanted to." I insisted. He nodded in response. I had came out with a muse that perhaps the reason he couldn't was because of Johnny. I was aware some of the boys were concerned about their asses getting kicked by Johnny or the others, and sometimes it was never a fully committed relationship because of it. Most of the time, he didn't approve the relationships I had. The boys were never condemned to be good enough for me, his sweet baby sister who deserved the whole world. He still thought of me as the innocent five year old girl he sought to take care of at the age of eight years old. I was like a daughter to him in a way.

"Good! Cause I was wondering if maybe... you wanted to go out camping with me and my friends in Bullworth Forrest this weekend? We could get to know each other better. If not, that's okay, I completely understand."

His offer was so sweet and caring. He was easily winning my heart at this point, being so considerate of my needs and wants. He was nothing like his friends, wanting to pick on others. They were sexually desperate for a girl to be with and get in her pants. This guy was different. He had a mature vibe, seemingly coming off as respectful towards girls.

"Sure, I would love to." I answered with a smile.

"Great!"

He informed me all of the things I needed to know- like where to meet, when I should arrive there, etc. It was on a Saturday morning I would meet him at the motel. Since I would be home that Saturday at me and Johnny's house, I have to sneak out. I needed to keep it secret from Johnny and the boys. If he knew I was going out camping with a bunch of guys, he would lose his freaking mind and act ballistic.

"Okay, sounds great."

"I'll walk you to the dorms, if-if you want." He offered shyly. I couldn't help but giggle at his reoccurring timidness. He was so cute! I felt so guilty I haven't taken a noticing to him prior to this.

I saw how he extended his hand out in front of him. So, I decided to take the initiative and accept it gracefully. I felt all tingly after colliding my hand with his, the way our fingers intertwined and laced with each other. His skin was surprisingly soft and gentle, just like his personality. He reminded me so much to that of a stuffed teddy bear, plush and cuddly.

The night walk home, all I wanted was to be with him, craving his presence. He never let go of my hand, and our eyes were locked in gaze. I declared that was the night I began to fall for the precious sweetheart, Tom Gurney.

#tom gurney #Bully oc #tom x oc #tom gurney x oc #selfshipedition #selfinsert #otp #bullyscholarshipedition #originalcharacter #cuties #johnny vincent #bullies

4 notes · View notes

thedailyplod · 7 years

Text

One thing I’ve noticed a lot more recently (or just haven’t been aware of) is the total lack of mercy on social media. I’ve found it leaking into my subconscious, and how I think about myself and treat others. Like say someone captures a video/screencap/text message of someone doing something bad...let’s use a ridiculous example of kicking a dog. It gets posted on social media and people say things like: “What a total scumbag” “People like this need to be fucking locked up” “What a piece of shit” So while it’s true that the person who kicked this dog did something wrong, and sinful, and the action is not to be condoned in any way, it gets taken to such an EXTREME level of hatred not appropriate to the offense committed (and it’s also not our place to dish out a punishment), and the thing that makes me uncomfortable is it seems like this person is treated as though they are irredeemable, and anyone who associates with them is also to be shunned and condemned. Like I am in no way condoning the morally wrong acts people get called out on. The main issue I have is the way in which they are called out. It’s often out of context, without knowing anything about the person, their background or their situation, yet people still feel the need to tell this person they are a literal piece of shit. They screwed up! Damn them to hell! No second chances! They will always be bad! For example, a good friend of mine recently posted on an online forum for pet owners. She’s been having trouble with her cat, who keeps visiting her neighbor when she lets him outside. She posted to this forum and people were calling her a terrible pet owner for letting her cat outside, and that she didn’t deserve to own a cat because she was cutting his lifespan in half by letting him go outside, and that the neighbor would probably do a better job of owning the cat than she would. Should she have let him go outside? I don’t know! She’s a responsible pet owner who has owned cats most of her life, and I trust her judgement. All the cats I’ve owned have loved being outside and I’ve seen my current cat’s mental issues disappear since he started going outside. Is there a risk? Sure...but in the grand scheme of things it’s a damn cat. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. It’s just grating on me mentally and I’ve found myself judging others and myself very harshly. Speck and log, but. There’s too much black and white thinking. People aren’t irredeemable. Sure they mess up and do shitty things. But we should always give people the space to repent, and if they are truly sorry should be given a second chance. Getting online is like a flurry of stones. It’s a spectacle for people to indulge in tearing other people to shreds for their sins. Like I said, I’m not saying we turn a blind eye to moral wrong doings. But there are appropriate ways to tell and help people that what they are doing is wrong, and labeling people “the scum of the earth” is not helpful. I just want people to think twice before they publicly crucify someone.

#in other news i'm giving up social media for advent #end rant #i hope this makes sense #social media

91 notes · View notes

l0oking-glass · 7 years

Text

PROFILE - Part Three: Psychological Profiling

In the previous week you read an introduction on how to study an individual's use of language and micro-expressions to understand what they really think. In this part you will get introduced to profiling an individual's psychology in order to find out their motivations and primal instinct. There are a few things to consider in order to frame our minds for psychological profiling. This is not going to be a compilation of undeniable truths about the human psyche. This article will not tell you how to manipulate your friends (nor does this article condone manipulation). It will, however, give you the information to accurately predict decisions of and understand more deeply the minds of others. Nothing here is a copy and paste diagnosis (nor is anything ever). Psychological profiling takes effort and time to understand the individual at hand. That’s my caveat, now onto the good stuff.

Psychological profiling involves an understanding in 3 areas of the mind: Personality Patterns & Disorders, Mental Functioning, and Symptom Patterns (which we will not be discussing here).

PERSONALITY PATTERNS & DISORDERS

Personality refers to what one is rather than what one has. And what one is made up of 2 angles of observing: Patterns and Disorders. Technically both are the same thing, just different ways of viewing.

Personality Patterns

Personality patterns refer to temperaments and typing systems. There are a ton of personality systems and quizzes that would group you in any number of ways. Each one has its strengths and weaknesses, and each one works in slightly differing capacities. Let’s take a look at the top 3 personality systems:

Meyers Briggs Type Indicator: Types individuals based on semi-binary statuses within 4 spectrums having to do with world view and data processing.

Extroverted vs Introverted - (energy source) High extroversion is often perceived as attention-seeking, and domineering. Low extroversion causes a reserved, reflective personality, which can be perceived as aloof or self-absorbed.

Intuition vs Sensing - (information management) Reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety a person has.

Thinking vs Feeling - (decision making) Tendency to make decisions based on analytical data vs moral data.

Judging vs Perceiving - (planning structure) Tendency to be organised and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behaviour.

OCEAN (aka the Big 5): Types individuals based on high, medium, and low statuses within 5 behavioural spectrums.

Openness to experience - (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious) Openness reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety a person has.

Conscientiousness - (efficient/organised vs. easy-going/careless) Tendency to be organised and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behaviour.

Extroversion - (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved) High extroversion is often perceived as attention-seeking, and domineering. Low extroversion causes a reserved, reflective personality, which can be perceived as aloof or self-absorbed.

Agreeableness - (friendly/compassionate vs. challenging/detached) Tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one's trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well-tempered or not.

Neuroticism - (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident) The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and vulnerability. Neuroticism also refers to the degree of emotional stability and impulse control and is sometimes referred to by its low pole, "emotional stability".

Enneagram Type: Types individuals based on healthy and unhealthy behavioural loops originating in basic desire/fear within a world view.

Type 1: Reformer - (The world is an imperfect place. I work toward improvement ) Basic Desire: to be right; Basic Fear: of being condemned.

Type 2: Helper - (People depend on my help. I am needed) Basic Desire: to be loved; Basic Fear: of being unloved

Type 3: Motivator - (The world values a champion. Avoid failure at all costs.) Basic Desire: to be admire ; Basic Fear: of being rejected

Type 4: Romantic - (Something's missing. Others have it. I'm different from them because I don't) Basic Desire: to understand self ; Basic Fear: of being defective

Type 5: Thinker - (The world is invasive and confusing. I need privacy to think) Basic Desire: to understand the world; Basic Fear: of being overwhelmed by the world

Type 6: Sceptic - (The world is a threatening place. I need to look to authority, but I question it.) Basic Desire: to be secure; Basic Fear: of being abandoned

Type 7: Enthusiast - (The world is full of opportunity and options. I look forward to the future.) Basic Desire: to be happy; Basic Fear: of being deprived

Type 8: Leader - (The world is an unjust place. I am strong and I defend the innocent.) Basic Desire: to be self-reliant; Basic Fear: of submitting to others

Type 9: Peace Maker - (My efforts won't matter to the world. It's best to keep the peace.) Basic Desire: to find union and peace; Basic Fear: of separation

Personality Disorders

Personality disorders have an unfortunate association tied to the overall concept. Yes, high degree and severe personality disorders are potentially harmful and may destroy countless relationships and/or form equally unhealthy coping mechanisms; however, not all occurrences of personality disorders are high degree or severe. In fact, what if I told you that these so called “disorders” help us function in sane and healthy capacities. A disorder is just a way of articulating natural albeit somewhat unhealthy tendencies. All personality disorders are derived from a basic emotional need that hasn’t been met, most commonly love and compassion. So you could call a high-functioning individual, who has slight tendencies of Schizoid Personality Disorder as having a Schizoid type personality. It’s a natural grouping of personality clusters within various range and adequacy of functioning.

Cluster A personality disorders

Cluster A personality disorders are characterised by odd, eccentric thinking or behaviour. They include paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder.

Paranoid personality disorder

Pervasive distrust and suspicion of others and their motives

Unjustified belief that others are trying to harm or deceive you

Unjustified suspicion of the loyalty or trustworthiness of others

Hesitancy to confide in others due to unreasonable fear that others will use the information against you

Perception of innocent remarks or nonthreatening situations as personal insults or attacks

Angry or hostile reaction to perceived slights or insults

Tendency to hold grudges

Unjustified, recurrent suspicion that spouse or sexual partner is unfaithful

Schizoid personality disorder

Lack of interest in social or personal relationships, preferring to be alone

Limited range of emotional expression

Inability to take pleasure in most activities

Inability to pick up normal social cues

Appearance of being cold or indifferent to others

Little or no interest in having sex with another person

Schizotypal personality disorder

Peculiar dress, thinking, beliefs, speech or behavior

Odd perceptual experiences, such as hearing a voice whisper your name

Flat emotions or inappropriate emotional responses

Social anxiety and a lack of or discomfort with close relationships

Indifferent, inappropriate or suspicious response to others

"Magical thinking" — believing you can influence people and events with your thoughts

Belief that certain casual incidents or events have hidden messages meant only for you

Cluster B personality disorders

Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Antisocial personality disorder

Disregard for others' needs or feelings

Persistent lying, stealing, using aliases, conning others

Recurring problems with the law

Repeated violation of the rights of others

Aggressive, often violent behavior

Disregard for the safety of self or others

Impulsive behavior

Consistently irresponsible

Lack of remorse for behavior

Borderline personality disorder

Impulsive and risky behavior, such as having unsafe sex, gambling or binge eating

Unstable or fragile self-image

Unstable and intense relationships

Up and down moods, often as a reaction to interpersonal stress

Suicidal behavior or threats of self-injury

Intense fear of being alone or abandoned

Ongoing feelings of emptiness

Frequent, intense displays of anger

Stress-related paranoia that comes and goes

Histrionic personality disorder

Constantly seeking attention

Excessively emotional, dramatic or sexually provocative to gain attention

Speaks dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to back them up

Easily influenced by others

Shallow, rapidly changing emotions

Excessive concern with physical appearance

Thinks relationships with others are closer than they really are

Narcissistic personality disorder

Belief that you're special and more important than others

Fantasies about power, success and attractiveness

Failure to recognize others' needs and feelings

Exaggeration of achievements or talents

Expectation of constant praise and admiration

Arrogance

Unreasonable expectations of favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others

Envy of others or belief that others envy you

Cluster C personality disorders

Cluster C personality disorders are characterised by anxious, fearful thinking or behaviour. They include avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

Avoidant personality disorder

Too sensitive to criticism or rejection

Feeling inadequate, inferior or unattractive

Avoidance of work activities that require interpersonal contact

Socially inhibited, timid and isolated, avoiding new activities or meeting strangers

Extreme shyness in social situations and personal relationships

Fear of disapproval, embarrassment or ridicule

Dependent personality disorder

Excessive dependence on others and feeling the need to be taken care of

Submissive or clingy behavior toward others

Fear of having to provide self-care or fend for yourself if left alone

Lack of self-confidence, requiring excessive advice and reassurance from others to make even small decisions

Difficulty starting or doing projects on your own due to lack of self-confidence

Difficulty disagreeing with others, fearing disapproval

Tolerance of poor or abusive treatment, even when other options are available

Urgent need to start a new relationship when a close one has ended

*Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

Preoccupation with details, orderliness and rules

Extreme perfectionism, resulting in dysfunction and distress when perfection is not achieved, such as feeling unable to finish a project because you don't meet your own strict standards

Desire to be in control of people, tasks and situations, and inability to delegate tasks

Neglect of friends and enjoyable activities because of excessive commitment to work or a project

Inability to discard broken or worthless objects

Rigid and stubborn

Inflexible about morality, ethics or values

Tight, miserly control over budgeting and spending money

*Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder, a type of anxiety disorder.

MENTAL FUNCTIONING

The following are the various aspects of the mental functioning of the human mind. Two terms to help you get through:

Affect is a concept used in psychology to describe the experience of feeling or emotion. Affect mediates an organism's interaction with stimuli. The word also refers sometimes to affect display, which is "a facial, vocal, or gestural behaviour that serves as an indicator of affect”.

Somatic refers to Somatic theory which is a theory of human social behaviour based loosely on the somatic marker hypothesis of António Damásio, which proposes a mechanism by which emotional processes can guide (or bias) behaviour, particularly decision-making.

Capacity for Regulation, Attention, Learning

Underlines fundamental processes that enable human beings to attend to and learn from their experiences.

Consider constitutional and maturational contributions, including:

Auditory processing and language

Visual-spatial processing

Motor planning and sequencing

Sensory modulation

and related capacities for:

Executive functioning

Memory (working, declarative, and non-declarative)

Attention

Overall intelligence

Processing affective and social cues

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Focused, organised, and able to learn most of the time, even under stress.

Focused, organised, calm, and able to learn except when over- or understimulated (e.g., noisy, active, or very dull setting); challenged to use a vulnerable skill (e.g., a person with weak fine motor skills is asked to write rapidly); or ill, anxious, or under stress.

Only when very interested, motivated, or captivated can attend, be calm, and learn for short periods and to limited degree (i.e., has problems with language, motor, or visual-spacial processing).

Attention is fleeting (a few seconds here or there) and/or is very active, agitated, or mostly self-absorbed, and/or lethargic or passive. Learning capacity is severely limited due to multiple “processing” difficulties.

Capacity for Relationships and Intimacy

Including depth, range, and consistency.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Deep, emotionally rich capacity for intimacy, caring, and empathy, even when feelings are strong or under stress in a variety of expectable contexts.

Intimacy, caring, and empathy are present but disrupted by strong emotions and wishes such as anger or separation anxiety (e.g., person withdraws or acts out).

Superficial and need-oriented, lacking intimacy and empathy.

Indifferent to others or aloof and withdrawn.

Quality of Internal Experience (Level of Self-Regard)

Attempts to capture an individuals level of confidence and self-regard that characterises an individual’s relationship to others and the larger world.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Sense of well-being, vitality, and realistic self-esteem. Present even when under stress.

Sense of well-being, vitality, and realistic self-esteem. Disrupted by strong emotions or stress, but with eventual recovery of feelings of well-being.

Feelings of depletion, emptiness, and incompleteness, along with self-involvement unless experiences are nearly “perfect”. Self-esteem is vulnerable.

Depletion, emptiness, incompleteness and self-involvement dominate.

Affective Experience, Expression, & Communication

Individuals ability to express the full range of pre-representational and representational patterns of affects.

Note: The following descriptions combine the individual’s capacity to experience, comprehend, and express affects. Some individuals are relatively stronger or weaker in either affect comprehension or affective expression. Similarly, individuals differ in the way they express or comprehend affects through gestures, such as facial expressions or voice tone, as well as with words. These unique patterns should be captured in the narrative characterising the individual.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Most of the time uses wide range of subtle emotions and wishes in a purposeful manner, even under stress. Reads and responds to most emotional signals flexibly and accurately even when under stress (e.g., comprehends safety vs. danger, approval vs. disapproval, acceptance vs. rejection, respect vs. humiliation, partial anger, etc.).

Often purposeful and organised, but not with a full range of emotional expressions (e.g., seeks out others for closeness and warmth with appropriate glances, body posture, and the like, but becomes chaotic, fragmented, or aimless when very angry). Often accurately reads and responds to a range of emotional signals, except in certain circumstances involving selected emotions and wishes, very strong emotions and wishes, or stress.

Some need-oriented, purposeful islands of behaviour and emotional expressions. No cohesive larger integrated emotional patterns. In selected relationships can read basic intentions of others (such as acceptance or rejection), but unable to read subtle cues (e.g., respect, pride, or partial anger).

Mostly aimless, fragmented, unpurposeful emotional expressions (e.g., no purposeful grins, smiles, or reaching out with body posture for warmth or closeness). Distorts the intentions of others (e.g., misreads cues and therefore feels suspicious, mistreated, unloved, angry, etc.).

Defensive Patterns & Capacities

Highlights the way the individual attempts to cope with and alter wishes, affect, and other experiences, and the degree to which he or she distorts experience in the process.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Demonstrates an optimal capacity to experience a broad range of thoughts, affects, and relationships and handles stresses with minimal use of defences that suppress or alter feelings and ideas. Tends to use defences and coping strategies that support flexibility and healthy emotional functioning, including sublimations, altruism, humour, etc.

Makes use of defences to keep potentially threatening ideas, feelings, memories, wishes, or fears out of awareness, without significant cant distortion of experiences. May use defences, such as intellectualisation and rationalisation, and, to a limited degree repression, reaction formation, and displacement.

Makes extensive use of defences that distort experience and/or limit the experience of relationships in order to deal with internal and external stressors and to keep feelings and thoughts out of awareness. Uses defences such as disavowal, denial, projection, splitting, and acting out.

Demonstrates a generalised failure of defensive regulation leading to a pronounced break with reality through the use of delusional projection and psychotic distortion.

Capacity to Form Internal Representations

Concerns the individual’s capacity to symbolise affectively meaningful experience (i.e., to organise experience in a mental, rather than somatic or behavioural form). This capacity to represent or mentalise enables the individual to use ideas to experience, describe, and express internal life.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Uses internal representations to experience a sense of self and others and to express the full range of emotions, wishes. Able to use internal representations to regulate impulses and behaviour.

Uses internal representations to experience a sense of self and others and to express a range of emotions, wishes, except when experiencing selected conflicts or difficult emotions and wishes. Able to use internal representations to inhibit impulses.

Uses representations or ideas in a concrete way to convey desire for action or to get basic needs met. Does not elaborate on a feeling in its own right (e.g., “I want to hit but can’t because someone is watching” rather than “I feel mad”). Often puts wishes and feelings into action (i.e., impulsive behaviour) or into somatic states (”my stomach hurts”).

Unable to use internal representations to experience a self and others or to elaborate wishes and feelings (e.g., acts out or demands excessive physical closeness when needy).

Self-Observing Capacity

Concerns the individual’s ability to observe his or her own internal life.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Can reflect on (i.e., observe and experience at the same time) a full range of own and others’ feelings or experiences (including subtle variations in feelings). Can reflect both in the present and with respect to a longer-term view of self, values, and goals. Can reflect on multiple relationships between feelings and experiences, across the full range of age-expected experiences in the context of new challenges.

Can reflect on feelings or experiences of self and others both in the present and with reference to a longer-term view of a sense of self, values, and goals for some age-expected experiences, but not others. Cannot be reflective in this way when feelings are strong.

Can reflect on moment-to-moment experiences, but not with reference to a longer-term sense of self and experiences, values, and goals.

Unable to reflect genuinely on feelings or experiences, even in the present. Self-awareness consists often of polarised feeling states or simple basic feelings without an appreciation of subtle variations in feelings. Self-awareness is lacking, and there may be a tendency toward fragmentation.

Capacity for Differentiation & Integration

Individuals ability to build logical bridges between internal representations (i.e., to separate fantasy from reality and to construct connections between internal representations of wishes, affects, self and object relationships, and the past, present, and future).

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Is able to connect internal experiences of self and non-self; self and others; fantasy and reality; past, present, and future; and a range of wishes, emotions, and feeling states. Can separate and comprehend differences in these patterns of internal experiences.

Is able to differentiate and integrate experience, but with some constriction. Strong emotions, wishes, and selected specific emotions, wishes, or stresses can lead to the temporary fragmentation or polarisation (all-or-nothing extremes) of internal experience.

The capacities for differentiation and integration are limited to just a few emotional realms (e.g., very superficial relationships). Challenges outside these limited areas often lead to the fragmentation or polarisation (all-or-nothing extremes) of internal experience.

Internal experience is fragmented most of the time. For example, unable to make emotionally meaningful differentiation of experiences of self and non-self, past and present, or different wishes and feelings.

Capacity to Construct or Use Internal Standards and Ideals (Sense of Morality)

An outgrowth of other mental functions and an integration of a number of them, the capacity to formulate internal values and ideals reflects a consideration of one’s self in the context of current and future experiences.

Illustrative Descriptions of the Range and Adequacy of Functioning

Internal standards are flexible and integrated with a realistic sense of one’s capacities and social contexts. They provide opportunities for meaningful striving and feelings of self-esteem. Feelings of guilt are used as a signal for reappraising one’s behaviour.

Internal standards and ideals tend to be rigid. They are not sufficiently sensitive to one’s own capacities and social contexts. Feelings of guilt are experienced more as self-criticism than as a signal for reappraising one’s behaviour.

Internal standards, ideals, and sense of morality are based on harsh, punitive expectations. Feelings of guilt are denied and associated with acting out, depression, or both.

Internal standards, ideals, and sense of morality are, for the most part, absent.

PUTTING TOGETHER THE PROFILE

All of this information is great! How do you use it. Using it involves processing it into an easy to understand format. I like to call this format the profile. A simple page of information organised and laid out for quick understanding. It varies, however, often looks like this:

Name: Last, M. First Age: x Sex: x Personality Patterns: MBTI/OCEAN/Enneagram P Axis - Personality Disorders: Low/Medium/High functioning within clusters M Axis - Mental Functioning: Basic description of mental capacities S Axis - Subjective Experience: Basic descriptions of individual’s experiences Healthy Loops: x, x, x.... Unhealthy Loops: x, x, x.... Notes: All excess information that has yet to become categorisable

CONCLUSION

Humans are complex, beautiful, messy creatures. It’s important to revisit my caveat at the beginning of this post. I’ll sum it up: Nothing here is a copy and paste diagnosis (nor is anything ever). Psychological profiling takes effort and time to understand the individual at hand. Use this knowledge with care.

- M.C.

That’s it for the Profile Series. We hope you found it enjoyable and informative. The purpose of this particular series was supposed to be to help you create a loose structure for learning each of these types of profiling more intensely later on. Here at Looking Glass we want you to have as much information for building a potent mental prowess of observation and deduction. It’s important to us that you receive a quality experience. So, if you have questions or concerns, you can send them to us on our blog at the Ask Us Anything page.

#Looking Glass #profile #Profiling #psychological profiling #michael calladus

95 notes · View notes