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weskin-time · 1 year

Note

Just read both NSFW daddy Albert headcannons

May I request a part three whenever you think of more?

👉👈

Of course take all the time you need and no rushing yourself

Platonic friendship love to you friendo ❤

HELLO FRIEND!! sorry this took so long!!

Albert Wesker x GN!Reader

not edited or proofread

hope you don’t mind that instead of HCs i did,,,

Albert Wesker NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He tries to be good at aftercare but he’s a busy man and sometimes he’ll just leave you after fucking your brains out to go do more work.

When he’s not busy he loves to kiss you in the afterglow. maybe one last bite to your neck before slowly kissing his way up to your nose.

He does clean himself off before helping you clean if the two of you can’t shower. if you can shower you bet his ass what a picking you up and showering with you.

he would just. plop you into a warm bath and leave you sometimes

he’s good at pillow talk tho

praises you for doing so good for him all while kissing you

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his arms. Loves how strong he is and absolutely adores showing off his strength with you. Picking you up and fucking you against a wall, your legs hooked over his shoulders with your arms around his neck, him holding your complete weight by your ass as he fucks you silly.

He’s got super strength of a God so you’re not falling out of his arms any time soon.

He loves your neck. Honesty he loves all of you but he loves your neck and thighs the most. it’s a power thing for him to love your neck. he could easily crush your windpipe if he squeezes just a bit harder, he could bruise the soft flesh so easily, he could kill you with a flick of his wrist and snap your neck. the thought drives him wild.

Loves choking you. pressing his pointer finger and thumb right under your jaw making your head fuzzy. adores leaving kisses, bite marks, and hickies. if you let him he will bruise your throat with his hand.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He’ll cum anywhere

cumming inside you is his favorite place to cum, so warm inside you as you spasm around him. loves to scoop up any leaking cum and push it back in with his fingers.

also loves to cum on your face. just seeing you stained with him makes him hard again.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he’s an underwear thief.

he keeps them in his back pants pocket or jacket pocket.

yes sometimes he sniffs them.

sometimes if he’s hard he’ll go into the bathroom and cum in them, if you’re not around. tho he washes them and silently returns it to you bc ew crusty

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

well he’s got a kid so he’s sorta experienced

i feel like he’s not a sex god but he’s also not virgin levels of knowledge? you feel me?

he still knows what he’s doing tho.

also a very fast learner

you like him touching you in this one place? he takes a mental note of it and uses it against you

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

mating press.

he also loves doggy when his hand is on the back of your head pushing you down into bed as he fucks into you hard

loves you riding him. seeing your hips struggle after a while of thrusting, loosing your pace as your muscles burn, but still trying to fuck yourself on him trying to cum on his cock. if you stop your shaking legs and just beg him to fuck you, he’ll show you mercy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he’s serious.

you might not be. i mean do you hear how corny half the stuff that comes out of his mouth is in RE5?? i couldn’t keep a straight face during his fight i was too busy making fun of him.

i feel like the only time he wouldn’t be serious is when there’s a continuous funny sound. like let’s say he’s fucking you and some air happens to get trapped and make a funny fart sound over, and over, and over, and over, he would snort and stop, fix the two of you then continuing to make your brain mush.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he’s well groomed

i know he’s almost hairless in RE5 idc this is my head canon and i say he’s got a happy trail

artists please give wesker a happy trail i’m bEGGING

he doesn’t care how groomed his partner is as long as it’s not a 70’s porno bush i think then he would tell you to shave

doesnt mind body hair on his partner either

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

little intimacy honestly

most of the time he’s fucking you so hard you get cock drunk

if you ask he will be slower and more sensual

but even some nights he just wants to hold you. the nights when his red eyes are clouded with conflict, those are the nights where he’ll take his time with you

on these nights he wants to focus on you instead of a mutual pleasure.

he takes it slow, but not a snails pace. he wants to make you gasp, to shudder, to let you feel loved.

he’s not very good with people and not good at emotions either but, he tries for you. he wants you to know he loves you even if he isn’t sensual every night

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he doesn’t get himself off very often

he’s a very busy man

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

i feel like he might be into texture play

leather and latex

he’s a sadist

authority kink (treat him like a god or a superior and he’ll fuck you so hard and good till your a babbling mess)

knife play

blood kink

size kink

i can make an entire list of what kinks i think Wesker has. and no they are not all self indulgent lol >:3

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

LOVES TO FUCK YOU IN HIS OFFICE.

i feel like he wouldn’t want anyone to see you two tho, he locks the doors

slightly public places are fun and fine for him but you belong to him and only he can see and hear you whining for him

loves to fuck you in either your bed or his if you two don’t live together

if you live together then yes his favorite place is yalls bed

shower is also a favorite for him

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

you.

literally just you existing gets him hard and horny.

also noticing how small you are compared to him. makes him feral

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything you don’t want to do he will respect and stay away from

i have a feeling he would try anything at least once

not into feet things no, or things that are considered ‘extreme’ fetishes like feeding, anything ‘filthy’, or balloons. those are hard No’s.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

prefers receiving

give him head and he will loose his own head

not afraid to go down on you and will never complain

he just loves to see you on your knees i front of him. seeing your eyes stare up at him through your lashes. you’re trying so hard to make him feel good and please him and it. drives. him. wild.

he’s very skilled with his tongue and mouth. the first time he goes down on you it might be new territory for him, he’ll be a little sloppy at first but he gets learning real fast

sit on his face.

he would prefer you to sit on his face in a 69 than have you lay down on your back

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he loves to start out at a medium speed but mostly focusing on hitting you as hard as he can. it leaves you whimpering and gasping with how hard and deep he’s going

rough rough rough rough *chanting*

gripping onto your hips to help you meet his relentless fast thrusts, his tentacles wrapping around your throat, nails digging into your flesh

fast and rough but at a perfect pace that leaves you breathless and gasping with tears running down your face from how good he pounding into you

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

he’s not a massive fan of them but sometimes they’re needed

like in his office if he’s horny and you’re there? fuck yea he’s gonna bend you over his desk and take you right there

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he’s cool to try anything once (within reason)

he can be risky

mostly risky in choking you till you’re about to black out. your vision going fuzzy and black spots appear. if you don’t like that then give him a little tap tap and the pressure is released.

Loves to put a vibe toy in you and control it when you’re out in public. you better learn how to suppress your sounds in public because whoooooo boy.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

,,, i’m scared of his stamina

in his boss fight he just falls to the ground and then gets back up in a matter of seconds

if he can recover that fast in a fight imagine how fast he can recover during sex

the hentai trope of fucking all night and into the day? yea he can make that a reality.

if you only wanna have one round? he’s cool with that, he’s not tired but he’ll still go to sleep with you (if he’s not busy)

if you want to fuck him as many times as your body can handle? the man loves a good experiment. he’ll fuck you till your about to pass out if you want.

will keep a chart of how long y’all fucked with how many times he’s made you cum and he tries to top it

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

yes.

to make you squirm yes.

use them on him too. yes.

gags? yes. blindfolds? yes. ropes? yes. he uses them on you.

get him a vibrating cock ring and he will go. f. e r a. l.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

WORLDS BIGGEST TEASE

He knows you love his voice. he uses it against you. like a little shit.

whispers dirty things in your ears throughout the day, telling you how badly he wants to fuck you, how hard he is, how badly he needs you.

loves to pin you against surfaces and kiss your neck, leave marks, and just leave you a panting mess then right when his hands are about to go up your shirt,,, he turns around and leaves you

but if you tease him? oh my gods. he will put you in your place.

tease him more often because it results in you being so sore that you won’t be able to walk for an hour or two after.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

HES VOCAL.

he’s constantly running his mouth with vile words in your ears

but when he finally does shut up he’s moaning and he wHIMPERS

he’s loud and proud and not afraid to make sounds, grunts, growls and purrs

during sensual sex he purrs <3

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Loves to have you wear his sunglasses on your head when he’s fucking you

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he’s bigger than average, about 7 inches and he’s girthy af.

not so much that he can’t enter you, not enough where he’s going to break you, or have it hurt so bad but jjuuuusssstt enough for that good good hurt stretch

his cock makes you feel full

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he got a normal sex drive i would say

tho sometimes there’s a spike where he’s just a massive horny asshole who needs to fuck you till you both are insane with pleasure

but he’s not constantly jumping in your pants

probably a bit higher than normal really

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

if he doesn’t have to leave to do work right after or it’s not a quicky he makes sure you fall asleep first.

he wants to make sure you’re at peace snuggled into him before he closes his eyes

he slightly snores :)

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noisyquokka · 5 months

Note

I know this is a very vague request and im really sorry in advance 😭… do you think you could write some headcanons/reactions for wayv? I noticed that most nct content is for dream, sometimes 127, and rarely my wayv boys and i LOVE them 😮‍💨, i dont really have a concept in mind i would prefer if it was made with a female reader in mind but gender neutral works just as well, and idk maybe a little bit suggestive if youre in the mood for it?? Idk anyways thanks for listening and im sorry im not giving you much to work with :)

+ OMG OK I JUST SENT IN A VAGUE REQUEST FOR WAYV BUT I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING NOW, idk if you’ll see this but do you think you could do wayvs reaction to a female reader whos more dominant, not necessarily in the bedroom sense (although that too) but just someone who looks more feminine but automatically takes on more masculine gender roles in a relationship like being big spoon, or bringing home the bag, or being the one to take care of things and fix things? Again i don’t necessarily mean in a sexual way just more in a general relationship because i know you said you werent confident/comfortable writing nsfw stuff, but if you wanted to take a more suggestive route too i wouldnt be mad, youre the writer here, im just here to support 💗, thank you again!

A/N - Not me having a whole-ass brain fart on gender roles as I wrote this🤪but ohhhohoo I love this idea!!! I'm sorry it took forever :( also some of these are longer than others, I apologize. But I still hope you enjoy 💛 Thank you for the request, Love!

WORDCOUNT - 1,165

WARNINGS - F!reader, suggestive if you squint from the other side of the galaxy??

Kun

you had told him that you were quite independent from the beginning of your relationship

perhaps you hadn't been persuasive enough, or it didn't register in Kun's head...

because when he comes home from tour, he doesn't expect to find you in the kitchen, cursing under your breath with your head ducked beneath the sink

it appears you're too busy groveling at the plumbing to notice his presence, the clanking of metal on metal hitting his ears

"What... are you doing?" is followed by a thud! and another hushed curse as you emerge from the cabinet, rubbing at the crown of your head with a grimace

you're met with warm hands and a concerned gaze as you straighten up, adjustable wrench in your grip

"The shut-off valve for the cold water failed," you wipe the sweat from your brow, eyeing the small space you have to work with under the sink, "so I went and picked up replacements for both."

and Kun's just standing there like 'woah, babe, go off'

but also a little worried

cue the "shouldn't we call a plumber", and the "are you sure's"

it's not that he believes you're incapable, far from it!

he's just got no clue about the tricks of that trade lmao

asks if you need help

will literally sit by and watch like a curious Retriever whether you need extra hands or not (without being in the way, of course)

he has no idea where your confidence comes from when it comes to these types of things, but it's kinda... 😏

you finish the job in two hours, checking for any leaks after you turn the water back on and let the water flow through the pipes to clear the air in the lines

after this, he quickly adapts to you taking lead around the house with similar things

he's so used to being the leader/taking lead on so many things that it's so refreshing for him.

you're just the type to say "Hey, I've got it!" with no expectations

he's gonna find his ways of thanking you for the things you do btw

cooking you dinner, cleaning the entire house, buying you something you've been eyeing for forever.

also lives and breaths you cuddling him

back hugs, waking up to you pulling him back into your arms before you're both falling asleep again

this man is so content being little spoon if it means you're right there

Ten

totally into it!

I'd bet that this man goes full doting boyfriend

probably the most curious out of all the guys

would be super invested if you were an HVAC technician or something just because of how physically demanding the job is

asks you if he could tag along to work one day like an excited child

to which you tell him that it's not as exciting for him to watch considering most of the job is you crawling into tight spaces

like you'd literally be in some dusty attic, sweltering as you work

it happens anyways, because you find that your HVAC unit is outdated, so naturally, you choose to update it yourself

cue a sneaky head peeking around the corner every chance he gets because, contrary to what you had said, Ten is very entertained

the man has the biggest heart eyes for you through the entire process - which is roughly 6 hours

"your attention to detail is beyond admirable!"

"I'd say it's necessary when I'm working with electrical, Babe."

wants to learn how to do whatever it is you're working on

doesn't matter what it is you're doing

soaks up whatever you teach him

mans is a whole sponge istg

at the same time he's absolutely gonna tell you to keep being the boss-ass bitch that you are

WinWin

supportive but a lil insecure :(

like he loves you loads, supports you 100% in all that you do

but sometimes it'll make him feel like he's not doing enough in terms of your relationship

I don't see the insecurity coming from your confidence of taking on a more masculine role, but more out of worrying that his time is so limited with you and around the house so when he is home, he feels like it's not enough

feels like he shouldn't tell you at first

like it sounds a little like an excuse to be an ass

but eventually thinks it's the best thing for your relationship

y'all take communication so seriously so why start holding back over something like this

you're quick to reassure him that he does more than enough

like sir, sit down and kick your feet up, you literally do so much for me, I will write you a whole list rn

it works to a certain extent, so you offer him some options "to make up for it" cough I'll leave this up to interpretation💀

fair to say that all is better with a little communication

Xiaojun

I say this solely for his safety and benefit

do not, under any circumstances, let this man know you can do some of the things that you're capable of!!

boy is too petty and competitive to have this knowledge

I feel like he'd be the type to see you so confidently take care of yard work and the next week turns into a competition of who can complete said tasks better

he wouldn't do it to make you feel less than, or to put you in your place (as if you wouldn't set his ass straight)

he's just a little dramatic

a lil competitive

he loses almost every time 😔

either makes excuses for it ("I didn't know there were levels to the lawn mower", "the handle on my rake was broken") or stays quiet

will be whiny for a few days afterwards

you have no issue giving him something to whine about-

Hendery

full cheerleader mode!!

he literally grew up with three sisters, ain't no way he's gonna be against a strong and independent woman doing her thing

is the best assistant when you need an extra set of hands

literally the kid that holds dad's flashlight while dad fixes the car except you don't have to remind him to hold it steady

he's on top of it, baby 😎

mans takes this as seriously as performing open-heart surgery

I'm talking brows set in concentration and hands as steady as my granny threading a needle (that woman was so talented)

tools are in your hand before you've even finished telling him what you need

bro is just that good

loves helping you to the point that when you don't need his help, he's just a pouty boy in the corner

like Kun and Ten, he'll just watch and cheer you on in those instances

he is the ultimate ally

YangYang

I could see him drawn toward a woman who takes initiative in a relationship

probably finds it attractive as hell

at the same time, I could see him not caring much about traditional gender roles

sees it as a social construct that is meant to be broken

he digs how dynamic you can be in any situation, definitely!

that said, he is the reason you fix so many things 🧍🏻‍♀️

listen, him being your boyfriend does not guarantee your safety from The Menace™

feels bad about it sometimes

but like... you never complain

YangYang swears he's a magnet for finding patient people that can tolerate his antics

which is exactly why he's wrapped around your finger

MASTERLIST

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disneyprincemuke · 4 months

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incorrect vr

seb: i want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me

femdriver: okay, but in my defense; george bet me 50 cents that i couldn’t drink all that shampoo

seb: that’s not what i wanted to—you drank shampoo?

femdriver: what? no.

femdriver: you’re the one farting bubbles.

i was scouraging my brain for more incorrects and thought this fit her way better.

TINE LMFAO THIS MADE ME HOLLER

femdriver would be so sick from all that shampoo with a tummy ache, and best believe george and logan have got videos of her drinking the shampoo and seb is just so so disappointed that she let them talk her into that

#disneyprincemuke asks #disneyprincemuke vr #dpm x plaidshirtyears #dpm vr asks

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comradekatara · 2 months

Note

Hello! So this is not quite an ask but THANK YOU for doing god's work of injecting some actual nuance, defending bolin (among other things), critiquing the comics, and all the plot holes/things that just don't make sense which become glaringly obvious if one thinks about any aspect for more than two seconds (lol but you know this already duh) and am only annoyed I did not stumble upon this blog sooner, since I am so done with this show (but also I keeping at it like the scabs). Also, your art is delightful! If you still require an ask, do you perchance write fanfic? (it's possible you might have mentioned it but sometimes I can't read lol)

Have a good day!

hello, and thank you! also it’s funny that defending bolin is the first thing you list because I thought I made it pretty clear that I think his character is direly poorly-written and that I do not care for him. but… you’re welcome I guess? but yes obviously critiquing the comics and imbuing nuance and all of that I will definitely gladly take credit for. and thank you for liking my art! i do occasionally write fanfic, but i’ve only ever shown it to my friends and never actually posted it anywhere, so functionally, my answer would be no. i have debated posting it in the past, but idk, i don’t think that would be a good idea. maybe someday i’ll snap tho who knows.

as for your other ask…

Also because I clicked on the ask button before I had a brain fart (so if this would come off a bit deranged for posting an ask right after the first my apologies), I also want to mention the commentary that Iroh being 'everyone's favourite sexist' is gold because we just gloss over that and no one ever seems to mention that scene. Another thing about atla is that the reason given for Zuko's constant internal struggle and conflict is because he's descended from the previous avatar and the fire lord but hello, Azula?? Did Ursa have an affair now?? Isn't she just as worthy of redemption, or the fact she's just as abused anyhoo ok im done

I mean I’m assuming by “that scene” you mean the one with june, but tbh his misogyny isn’t relegated to simply one unpalatable scene. it’s reflected in how he treats azula (versus zuko) across the show. and I know that zuko is softer and more amenable than azula, and he has demonstrated a desire to do good that azula hasn’t, but it’s also quite troubling that iroh just writes off his fourteen year old niece as a lost cause when she is also the sibling who most resembles him. and he somehow just can’t seem to understand that she is worthy of the same empathy and compassion and understanding as zuko is, that playing favorites like this isn’t good or normal. and I actually think that azula has it way worse than iroh, both because she’s a girl and because azulon seemed to love iroh conditionally (despite clearly not feeling the same about ozai), whereas ozai’s love for azula is incredibly conditional and does not exempt her from his violence. but you know. her hysterical wandering womb is outta control she needs to go down she cant be trusted she’s a sickopath!!!! like. ok old man.

as for your next point, I do think that what iroh says about zuko’s ancestry reflecting the ideological battle within him is fully bullshit, but I do reconcile that by interpreting iroh’s claims not as what he truly believes, but as a rhetorical point he thinks might get through to zuko. because he’s really run the gamut of wisdom and guidance, some of it even being contradictory, just in an attempt to pierce through zuko’s thick, stubborn skull. and it does pay off, eventually, but it takes ages to get there. like how much do you wanna bet his first approach was to just straight up be like “your father is an abuser and you shouldn’t adhere to his dogmas.” and then when that didn’t work he started getting creative with it. and like, the reason it gets through to zuko isn’t even because roku was his great grandfather, but because he was ursa’s grandfather. and realizing that he too can be good and stand up for what he believes in, like her, his true role model, is his ultimate takeaway from that lesson. but I really do think by that point iroh’s rhetorical strategy was really to just throw vaguely pertinent metaphors at the wall to see what sticks.

#traegern #asks #iroh #zuko #azula #iroh&zuko #azula&iroh #azula&ozai #ursa&zuko #analysis #also thank u for calling it ‘fanfic’ and not ‘fic’ this is rly a pet peeve of mine #fiction????? just any fiction????????#(i do also write ‘fic’ in this sense but like. that’s a completely different question)

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sleepy-timaeus · 7 months

Text

drawtober day 3! rhys strongfork from tales from the borderlands 😏

EDIT: noticed a month later that i spelt his name wrong after playing scrabble with the letters when trying to get the typography as close the the album as possible! *deep breath* ahhhhhHHHH. i did reblog the corrected version, but i dont think enough people will see that, so im just gonna edit my og post!

ramblings, playlist link, & alternate version under the cut :)

i have so many thoughts and feelings about this!! i got the idea for this bc of the attached playlist (love it a lot btw. good job), and i was so excited to do a piece referencing album art. ive like never done any art that does a reinterpretation of another piece of art (theres another word for it that i believe starts with R but im having a brain fart and can't remember, bleh), so this was tons of fun!

u can bet ur bottom dollar i was listening to touch tone telephone for a while as i drew this 💀 it truly gets me hype. and for those unaware, this replication (theres the word!) was based off of the album spirit phone by lemon demon! at some point while going though this playlist i had a Vision ™ for today's drawtober (aka tuesday's, but ive been busy working so) and HAD to execute it 😎

uh, i used a brush i havent really used before for this as well! i tried to be painterly and it was quite fun :3c it's called spectra and it's on procreate for all my ipad babies out there. 10/10 i recommend it. i think i'll be painting with it more when im in the mood for those vibes tbh

so yeah, this is basically my fav so far. like, i enjoy this piece an unreasonable amount. i made it my wallpaper 😭

oct. 6th edit:

I said id add the alternate version under cut and then never did 😭 my bad yall. here it is, actually under a cut

#rhys strongfork #lemon demon #touch tone telephone #drawtober #tftbl #timaeus art #album redraw

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historia-vitae-magistras · 11 months

Note

The other asks got me thinking - what would people's impressions be of Alfred/Matt/Jack/Zee if their only information was how Arthur talks about them?

(Also, I feel super obnoxious asking but - did you get the ask I sent about the fic with Matt and Alfred in 1920? I just want to make sure Tumblr didn't eat it like it ate the one I sent about the Eirian's death fic.)

Not obnoxious at all!!! it means a lot you ask after them and I did! Your comments take me like 10-15 business days to process because they short circuit my silly brain with thanks and joy. This got really meandering and I apologize in advance.

In the years before Arthur knows what Alfred is going to be, and its almost only human fatherhood, everyone with ears knows how amazing Alfred is. The reckless abandonment of stoicism to a storm of delight, fascination and joy. He's probably owned that estate, his bribe from the Normans, for centuries and barely touched it until Alfred's born and suddenly the living standards he was fine with aren't good enough. That chunky giant cherub he carries around people don't need to hear anything to see how incredible Arthur finds the lad. And Alfred learns to talk and to read and to live, that doesn't change much. His boy is so bright, so tall, so headstrong, such a good boy, such a credit to his father. Even when he's locked up, being prepped for a burning, this man is thinking, talking, and celebrating about his boy. Later, in the aftermath of when Alfred shot his jaw off at Yorktown, Arthur drunkenly can list all Alfred's flaws, concoct a story about how the lad caught the cock-pox and died and then start babbling about how proud he is. That keeps up for the rest of history. Alfred probably even gets verbal recognition of pride. That respect, that recognition. Father and sun, shade and shadow, respectively. It's bizarre how well they work together now. Some onlookers might not be able to make out what Arthur feels. He says the best things with the most dismissive tone and the worst things in the most affectionate way.

Matt... probably kind of vague but mostly pleasant. The bricks don't usually report on the mortar. The farm hands when he's young raise their eyebrows at the wee frog who feeds the chickens and hides in the rafters and behind the furniture and does his best to be out of the way and forgotten. Humans mostly regarded him as a ward but the memory and scandal of Alfred before him overshadowed his early British existence. Later, especially in the 19th century, humans are very confused by him because Arthur repeatedly denies him inheritance rights, he never got Arthur's name. He might be the oddest of Arthur's children to on-lookers. In more modern times, Arthur is much more likely to mention him. Sweet boy. Thoughtful lad. A right conch, that one is.

Jack is all over the place, much like Alfred. Arthur is as equally as worried as he is frustrated with him a lot when he's little, and some when he's older. When he was a baby, everyone heard what a smiley little thing he was. Jack would tumble down little hills shrieking with laughter, tell the neighbor she smelled funny, and end up in trees like a spooked cat. The neighbours have been paid so much money because Jack was always liberating livestock or riding whatever horse he fancied. When he's older, everyone can see him and Zee racing their horses like absolute madmen all over the property. Odd little thing who will complain through church so much Arthur can't make him go, often on the shoulders of that older pointy one. In the late 18th century, bastardy was hardly a crime and Arthur didn't really have to really outline Jack's existence to humans so they just assumed he was the natural son from a long naval career. A bright, wild little thing, who grows into the broad and jolly lad always making losing bets at the horse races who is the only one of Arthur's children who can regularly drink the be-pickled old fart under the table. In the modern day, Jack is known as the loudest, laughing, happy lad with a very large collection of animals and a lot of biology credentials.

Zee is probably his most mentioned child. His blue stocking baby girl who, unbeknownst to the old fart, has killed him a handful of times because that cranky, sweet, clever, obedient veneer belies a will just as strong as his and a defiant streak that might be wider than Alfred's, just sneakier. Unlike his boys, who had the benefit of cocks, he's much more vocal about Zee and her talents and virtues. It's when she's born that he starts making up stories that make her and Jack his legitimate offspring and he's always talking about her, how bright she is, how clever because on some level he is aware she is at a significant disadvantage due to being a girl and easier to other. British titles break my fucking brain but he might have upgraded his own title at some point just to give her the option of a title or courtesy title which she only ever rarely used before WW2 if it at all. Jack gives her shit constantly for being the right honourable kiwibird. When she's little its all about how sweet, pretty bright, clever and grumpy she is. What a credit to her father! He'll never let her marry! And now is much more about her accomplishments, the things they enjoy, his pride in what she's allowed to be now through a lens of utter affectionate sentimentality.

#the ask box || probis pateo #arthur and the children || bilge rat and his bouncing baby bilge rats #Arthur and the children || bilge rat and his bouncing baby bilge rats #zee || ahakoa he iti he pounamu #alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies #jack || a land of summer skies #matthew || my country is winter

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bosskie · 1 month

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Molluck Towers

It feels like I enjoyed drawing that blimp so much that I just had to continue drawing objects... So yeah, I really wanted to draw a 'Glukkon watch tower' but instead of drawing one in the games, I ended up designing a new one! It kinda just happened when I started drawing this... I thought that I would like to make them look more like the current Molluck but then, I also got an idea of his cigar being a gun, so this is kinda a better version of those towers. I don't know about mechanical engineering design stuff nor drawing stuff like this but I wanted to give it a try.

If Molluck would have had better towers, would he have gotten Abe? Maybe, maybe not; it would still have been harder to escape at least. The funny thing here is that Molluck's blimp had so powerful launcher that it had to be 'downgraded' later in SoulStorm! I have finished that 1.0 version of that level and I didn't find it too hard; it was fine and you could really use that faster ammo falling speed as your advantage if you could see a good route since they did hit the Sligs quite well (too). I think that that level just got worse after those 'adjustments', like they also removed the timer for that one door... Well, maybe Molluck 'guided' me or something since I didn't find that level so frustrating or hard like many people say... But yeah, I let Molluck have powerful weapons if OWI doesn't.

But yeah, it also came to my mind while drawing this that Molluck has eyes inside and outside the RuptureFarms, so here continues that 'Molluck watches' thing. I don't know if I like better that AO's or NnT's version of his TV wall but it looked better to draw that NnT one. Oh, and I didn't really draw this part but I just had my stupid ideas again and just thought about drawing Abe farting in front of the camera and well, that's why you don't really see a thing on TVs... Back then while drawing the banner, it also just came to my mind that I have heard that ADHD feels like watching many televisions at once, so does it tell us something about his mental capabilities that he is able to watch so many television screens... Well, he got big brains, so I bet that he has better mental abilities than (average) humans do.

I kinda wonder if Lorne realizes this 'intelligence stereotype' Molluck has because of the way he talked about how to make a monster seem smart (referring to Molluck) since yes, Molluck does have this stereotype. He got the biggest head of all the Gluks in SoulStorm! 'A mastermind Gluk', eh? Well, for me he do is a masterpiece at least! It just feels like my thirst for him just gets worse when I get better at my stuff, making me also connect more with him... I must just admit that yes, he does feels closer to me the more I do stuff about him. Recently, I also wrote a song for him but I don't know if I ever release it when it's fully done... (I have never done a proper song, just some random improvised tunes.) It's just about how I see him, what he makes me feel, how much I love him... Man, sometimes I just wonder what OWI/Lorne would think about this but I'm just thankful for him. I wish to take good care of him.

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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nightswithkookmin · 2 years

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LESSON LEARNED

When it comes to Jikook this would always be the results cos a lot of jokers aren't sure of themselves, don't want to over step, don't want to offend- we had the short end of the stick and all the ass kissers and people pleasers are in our team.

Frankly don't see anything wrong with that art- oh thank God. Just saw my partner in crime just messaged me.

You wait till he approves a Tae kook fanart or some other equally wholesome art of his brother from a Tuktukker or other and the conversation will be different.

The lack of common sense in acknowledging most Koreans in Kpop are already familiar with the concept of and participate in the culture of shipping because shipping is not tabooed within their culture.

This is not the West damn arses.

These are the same people who are quick to remind you skinship is common place in korea but then fail to understand so is shipping. Jimin has literally called him and Jungkook a couple and Jungkook keep making Ramen jokes with Jimin BECAUSE THEY ARE OKAY WITH BEING SHIPPED

Jokers are always looking for validation from other shippers and non shippers because they've tricked themselves into thinking they are an elitist group.

These people are only mad he isn't approving and allowing their Tae on KOOK amateur erotic pornography on his page. Are they not the same ones badgering companies to post on Tae kook? They want Jk's family to validate their ship so bad but I'm sorry Jimin is the golden retriever of the Jeon family 👪

Bet he saw this

Bet he saw this too cos tuktukker's been tagged him in everything even the ones they yet to fart out of their brains.

Okay but this is cute tho🤭

And if you know anything bout idols and their family- not every idol allows their family to get involved with their fans let alone like their stuff or retweet at them.

Most relatives of celebrities seek consent from them before posting anything relating to them lest they get them or themselves in trouble.

And while Jungkook might be his brother, he needs to ask if he or Jimin will be okay with him allowing such a tag as they themselves don't allow tags on their pages.

He gotta respect his brother's boundaries and since Jimin is portrayed as being caressed and dotted on by Jungkook in that art he certainly needs Jimin's consent also. If he gets JM hate for this then he would be sorry to Jimin without that consent.

Especially as he and Jungkook have been in trouble over a clothing company around the same period he was tagged in that fanart (November last year right?)

Did yall not pay attention when Hobi explained the process of acquiring consent from members before posting their drunken stuff, and were yall not the ones that cussed JM out for posting Tae's stuff that became such a huge scandal?

My friend and I we went back and forth on this wondering why he is only now allowing tags to show after that long- you need not know the conclusions we arrived at.

But still, after careful consideration and going through all that to get consent from his brother and probably Jimin, yall want me to believe he has no idea what he is doing. FREE ME.

FREE SHIPPERS.

FREE US FROM YOUR BIGOTRY.

MINGGUk WAS NOT INVENTED BY SHIPPERS.

THEY ARE A TEAM. THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS VALID.

Sorry I'm screaming but the more I think about this the more gassed I get.

The sun and moon duo, the black and white couple are all names Hybe has officially acknowledged. WHY DON'T YOU LET US SHIP OUR SHIP IN PEACE?!

WHY?!

LONG LIVE JIKOOK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

THEY ALREADY WON

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allycat75 · 3 months

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All I could think watching the ASP Circle Jerk with you and Mark today, Boston Dumb Fuck (the rant below isn't going to be pretty, you have been warned):

As nauseated as it made me (ironic since you keep saying the site is so digestible), I watched you and Mark jerk each other off for doing such as good job on this colossal waste of time. You do understand this generation is the most information savvy yet and don't need manipulative, lying, whiney Millenials telling them where to start.

Some notes...

Did you really read the audience to give them what they want? Not lately!

I bet the only people you can get now for the site are the GOP deplorables, especially with that racist, antisemetic wifey of yours, BDF.

BDF was famous, but now he has a bunch of failures and a possible Razzie or two in his future. And you are NOT THE SUGAR for the medicine to go down. You need a soul for that. I see you as a big bag of plasma right now, so maybe some salty, bitter bile? With some smokiness from you burning your life and potential happiness to the ground.

What special information are you providing? What can you give that is important in bullet points? I don't want neophytes teaching neophytes. The world is crumbling, in case you haven't noticed while you have been numbing yourself with weed, you white Privleged, tone deaf fucks! You serve no purpose here.

Did you honestly say, BDF, with a straight face "How are we going to navigate truth?"; "Young people can really tell...are aware of selective facts and framing information that is deliberately misleading and I think if you do that once, it is in your nature you'll probably do it again and a picture starts to become clear". I can see it clearly, can you, you fucking hypocrites?

You really think your provide a service and aren't keeping these folks from doing the work of the people. Self-congratulatoryly sniffing your own farts again, are you (thanks, South Park)? And when was the last time you two did the actual work for this ego-stroker, walking the halls of Congress with these civil servants?

What makes you think you can provide civil discussion when no one on the congressional floor, where it actually matters, can get it done? And who on the right has enough brain cells to pony up that information you so smugly think you deliver? "Uncle" Tim Scott has got his face firmly planted in the Toxic Cheetos's ass cheeks so he won't be available. Who else you got?

Have you gone so far from the truth that it is more important how the politicians speak to each other as opposed to what they say? And we aren't talking about speed limits or zoning laws here. What people care about- women's reproductive rights, safe and sane gun laws, critical race theory, immigration, homelessness, student loan debt, cost of healthcare, climate change, LGBTQ+ equality, political corruption..., these aren't delicate bullet points that can be politely discussed and boiled down. And when you try, you run the risk of messages being missed and time being wasted. CAN I SCREAM THAT LOUD ENOUGH SO YOU CAN HEAR OVER THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN EGOS TELLING YOU HOW GREAT YOU ARE!!!! Best thing you can do is get out of the fucking way!

What makes you feel you are the arbiters of all this information that will inspire youth to vote, and not just be more static for them to filter? It's not about you, so why do you feel you are the two that should be talking to high schoolers tomorrow. Besides getting good press and, once again, stroking that ego hard, what are you hoping to get? Do you honestly believe you and Mark are going to inspire anyone tomorrow? Or worse, prove that only pretty, rich, white men get ahead in this world so why even try?

What qualitative and quantitative metrics can you show "the really great feedback from the people who enjoy the information"? I know the feedback for the Antisemitism in Schools was quite engaging, but I don't know how positive it was.

So you still haven't really provided a clear mission statement and goals for the site as it is now with politics, so your solution is to branch out to even more complicated topics around AI and other technologies. Boy, if you took this to "Shark Tank" you would be laughed out of the studio and used as an example of what never to do! Has someone's egoic narrative run amok?

Smart actors steered clear! It's a gimmick.

A Gen Z table is at the back! Pipeline for next spouses 🤞🤞? Both of you have reputations for liking them young, you know.

Aww, you got a mug. You can use it for your coffee. Oh, you don't drink coffee? I've seen you drink it. Oh well, then tea, I know I've seen you drink tea. You say you don't like tea either. Mmhh. Oh that's right, you are a manipulative liar and that was just a stupid one you tried out for funnsies. Like covert narcissists exhibit. (I know, it could just be changing tastes and a need to cut back on caffeine because you are anxious without ever seeming to take responsibility controlling it, so maybe that was a start. Credit where credit is due, maybe).

You should run for office- you've got the lying and manipulation down, despite that you think you are a bad liar. I think that is just one of your many lies. Like an ouroboros always eating its own tail.

May I give you some advice (fuck it, this is my blog and you are not listening, so I am giving it!). Something I don't suspect you do much, because if you did I don't think you would be in this situation where you are living your life like it doesn't belong to you, is think with the end in mind. Ask the magic question, "If this worked out the way I want it to, what would that look like?" And then work backward from there. I would say try that with ASP, but I don't trust your intentions are pure and thus will never be successful. But it could work with other things if you ever get back in the driver's seat of your world and begin to rebuild.

Get it through your fragile male brains ASP is a bad idea that will only get worse, for the entire country, not just you two, so take the loss. You should get used to the feeling.

#Boy someone thinks they are really important and thinks they are making a difference for good #So far up your own asses you can't see you are choking off your oxygen supply #you are making it very hard to defend you #You are the problem

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lea-andres · 2 years

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Inspired by a comment on one of my older posts:

Who would microwave metal, and why?

Sonic: If someone isn't there to stop him, he will. He'd forget to take a spoon out of a bowl, or that he needs to remove the tinfoil cover from the leftovers first, simple mistakes like that.

Tails: He's currently in the experimenting phase of trying to invent a microwave that won't explode when you stick metal in it (thanks to Sonic destroying a couple microwaves), so technically that's a yes, but it's for SCIENCE! so he gets a pass.

Knuckles: Knuckles would rather properly cook the food than just nuke it, so his microwave usage is minimal. Something about the microwave just... Rubs him the wrong way. 🤔 But if someone hands him a metal bowl and tells him to pop it in the microwave he probably would.

Amy: Never, absolutely not.

Cream: Never, absolutely not.

Big: Like Knuckles, would rather do proper cooking. Plus he lives out in the Mystic Ruins, how much microwaving do you think he does? I'm sure Amy and Cream told him the no metal thing though, so he would NEVER!

Shadow: I could see Shadow having a brain fart and accidentally microwaving a spoon or something. Leave the poor guy alone.

Rouge: Maybe if she was really, REALLY tired she'd almost do it, but I think she'd remember.

Omega: Banned from using the microwave because he'll try to microwave his bullets. Something something "new battle tactics".

Vector: Maybe if he's really tired. Leave the poor guy alone.

Espio: Absolutely not.

Charmy: Actually no! He saw what happens once and it scared the shit out of him.

Jet: LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT IDIOT HASN'T TRIED MICROWAVING SOUP WHILE IT'S STILL IN THE CAN! I bet he tries cooking it in the can right on the stove top too.

Wave: When she's really tired, she'll forget to remove a spoon or the tinfoil or something. And you can hear her swearing all through the airship, because DAMMIT SHE KNOWS BETTER THAN THAT-

Storm: As the only Babylon Rogue you can trust in a kitchen for more than 5 seconds, you can bet your ass he'd never microwave metal!

Fang: Amazingly, he's just smart enough to not do that.

Bark: Absolutely not.

Bean: He knows better... But the call of the resulting explosion beckons... Like a siren's song... It's irresistible. (He's banned from the microwave.)

Tangle: She has, and she will again. (Jewel banned her from the microwave.)

Jewel: Never, she triple checks that shit.

Whisper: Never. The Wisps might though.

Mighty: Never.

Ray: Never.

Scourge: 😬 He forgets the spoon or the tinfoil sometimes...

Eggman: Not only would he never, programmed protocol into his robots that actively prevents them from doing it. If they try, they seize up.

#sonic headcanons #sonic the hedgehog

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ooihcnoiwlerh · 1 year

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Watching Glass Onion

My thoughts below as I watch (I was spoilered in advance and knew what would happen. Still enjoyed it.)

-Lionel, the smartest of the Disruptors who stabbed Andi in the back, seems to think Miles is a genius when he’s clearly not from early on. Also, Miles definitely faxes snippets he hears from other conversations and none of them are original. Or they’re just weird brain farts that succeed only because Lionel’s able to make something salvageable out of them.

-I bet Kate Hudson had a lot of fun playing Birdie. Her character/dynamic with Peg is like something straight out of BoJack Horseman. (”No, they’re all in my pod, it’s fine.” and her being so deliberately obtuse/ignorant/immature.)

- Dave Bautista playing an Andrew Tate type is kind of funny in a meta sense because as far as I’ve seen, he (thankfully) doesn’t hold any of those views in real life and is just the opposite.

- Claire’s an ultimately unlikable/irredeemable character but I do like seeing Kathryn Hahn getting snarky. Cute surprise Yo Yo Ma cameo. I worked with a guy who cooked for him at a restaurant in DC who said that he’s really nice.

- Love the hard cut from the Disruptors getting really excited for “Miles’s” puzzles and working to solve them together to Helen looking at the puzzle, deciding “Nope. This man and this puzzle are not worth my time and I’m not going to give him the satisfaction” and proceeding to smash the shit out of it with a hammer.

-I haven’t seen Knives Out yet (although I definitely will after this, and it had been on my list for a while) so Benoit Blanc’s accent is new and hilarious to me. It’s the Southern equivalent to the French accents from Monty Python and the Holy Grail; ridiculous and over-the-top and funny. More cameos

-”You’re not in the bath again, are you?” “....No.”

- The movie says so much with the different characters by how they approach wearing masks. Blanc correctly wears a cloth mask that coordinates with his outfit. Lionel the scientist wears a medical grade mask, also correctly. Claire the politician wears a mask out of courtesy/image but not correctly. Peg’s masked up and doesn’t want to hug anyone but also doesn’t say anything about how her boss Birdie is wearing a useless decorative mesh mask. Duke and Whiskey don’t bother wearing masks at all and both they and Birdie refuse to respect social distancing. “Andi” is holding a mask as she gets out of the cab, implying she wore it during the ride, but takes the mask off so that the other Disruptors can truly see her full image and whoever the potential murderer is doesn’t get any doubt as to who this is and, let’s be honest, other than perhaps Helen, Blanc, Peg, and Lionel, they don’t seem concerned with the pandemic.

- Either Miles Bron has and is hoarding some kind of covid cure that can be used as a throat spray or the more likely answer: it’s a placebo because he wants to get away with being careless during lockdown even more than he and the Disruptors already are and is just trying to appear like he cares about other people’s health. It’s interesting that Blanc questions the spray and its effectiveness more than the literal scientist. Also, another fun cameo.

-It’s subtle enough that it won’t be distracting for the audience but will amuse people who do notice that Blanc clearly doesn’t have a gag reflex, and in fairness it did make me chuckle.

- “Is that a Banksy?” “Piece of shit.”

- That’s either not Paul McCartney’s guitar because it’s a right-handed guitar and Miles is lying about it to sound impressive or he had it re-stringed just so he could brag about owning the guitar on which Paul McCartney recorded Blackbird. And then he unceremoniously drops it like it’s worthless after making a point to gloat about how priceless it is to Birdie. Amazing character intro, I hate him already.

- Of course it’s the MRA meathead guy who looks the other way in regards to his girlfriend very obviously cheating on him with Miles/pimps her out to Miles so she can secure better job opportunities for him.

- Knowing the ending already I love how Ed Norton played Miles’s shock and horror and complete incomprehension at seeing “Andi.” You see him having absolutely no idea how to process what’s going on and how despite the fact that he and Andi had known each other for ten years and he had to have known Andi had a twin sister, he clearly doesn’t think that could have anything to do with it and just thinks, “I guess I didn’t kill Andi hard enough and need to do it again?”

- Janelle Monae looks so regal and beautiful in that dress with that “dressed to kill” poise Helen’s trying so hard to keep up despite how scared and uncomfortable she is.

-Peg and I have the same reaction to hearing Miles say “inbreathiate”

- Blanc being bewildered that everyone’s just leaving their luggage on the beach until he realizes the Disruptors just take it for granted that “the help” will do everything for them. Not sure if that’s part of the act but still a nice touch.

- Miles Bron, barefoot, calling his fifty-person staff-estate a “commune for creativity” as a robot butler collects everyone’s luggage is probably a hard reality but it’s hilarious; also him giving people rooms “based on chakras” and Birdie being into that

-Am a little fascinated with Miles telling “Andi” that he’s glad she’s there and her reacting coldly. Is he trying to act contrite for her “attempted” murder or trying to seem like he’s innocent and realizes that Andi isn’t falling for it? Like, I want to know the conversation Ed Norton and Janelle Monae had before filming that interaction and ask what they felt their respective characters are thinking in that moment.

- I like how Benoit Blanc is a renowned detective but the moment he starts playing “dumb” and pretending to be naïve, Miles, who knows that Blanc’s a renowned detective, immediately falls for it.

-For such a closely-knit friend-group, these people really don’t like each other. The only Disruptors who seem like they’re still actually friends are Claire and Lionel.

-HOLY SHITBALLS BLANC’S SWIM OUTFIT. A FUCKING FULL-BODY STRIPED SWIMSUIT WITH AN ASCOT? FUCKING FASHION ICON. Oh, and him just standing chest-deep in the pool while holding a drink? What an icon. Love this guy.

-I can’t wait until Miles’s condescending speech gets used against him, especially since he throws Andi under the bus as he makes his redpill speech. I will relish it.

- Birdie, how many times do you need to get the hint that Blanc’s not interested and you’re making him uncomfortable? (And he’s canonically gay but he doesn’t owe her that explanation.)

- Peg looks at “Andi” with open admiration/potentially lust and honestly, same. Also enjoy Peg’s reaction shots. She clearly loathes these people, including Birdie. Really wish she’d cut her losses and quit.

- Birdie, Blanc isn’t calling you dangerous. He’s calling you shallow, insensitive, and careless.

- This movie, while it has some dark/dramatic moments, really is funny. The asscheek statue, the hourly dong, Blanc panicking and throwing his cigar into the water.

- The movie does say a lot without getting too much into it the contempt everyone has for anyone considered working class or “the help.” Peg’s been Birdie’s loyal assistant for about a decade, has been to these get-togethers, and knows Miles and yet not only does she not even get to drink out of a glass (even if it’s not a personalized glass) he makes her drink out of a plastic cup like she’s at a frat party instead of a multi-billionaire’s estate, and has never bothered to learn her name. And Birdie sees this, is aware of this, and doesn’t see the problem or treat Peg as a human being, either. After a decade of putting out all of her many fires and baby-sitting her. Lionel and Claire both have a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment earlier in the movie in which they acknowledge/are nice to her but see how badly Birdie and Miles treat Peg and don’t challenge it.

-Maybe it’s because I watched Mrs. Fletcher, in which Kathryn Hahn’s character’s alcoholic beverage of choice is white wine with ice and maybe it’s because I wait on/bartend a fair amount of reasonably affluent/wealthy women who have specific instructions on how they like their white wine, but was a little amused at how Claire specifically likes “room temperature Pinot Grigio.”

- Just realized Miles probably poisoned “Andi’s” drink and it’s only because Helen is a teetotaler and also wants to keep a clear head for the evening that she survives.

-While Miles is not a mirror of every nepotism baby who has no true friends and no original ideas, it has to mean that he comes from money in that his mother took him the Louvre at the age of six when he’s an American? I’m an American myself born in ‘93 and both of my parents worked full time but there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that they could’ve afforded a family vacation to any location in Europe let alone Paris. Miles was likely born in the late 60s, early 70s and still would’ve had to have to have been born to fairly well-off parents. Two of my best friends who are former roommates and international military brats were both born in ‘69 lived, briefly in Europe, and never saw the Louvre. Also the audacity to override the Louvre’s security measures so he “doesn’t have to look at the Mona Lisa behind glass.”

- Lionel and Claire are horrified by Klear but still sign off on it for money because they’re too deep in and they keep acting like they’re the voice of reason but they still agreed to this and even though I know the ending I keeping hoping they’ll be better than their greed.

-I could feed off of Miles’s pouting resentment and sulking both times so far Blanc has “accidentally” insulted his intellect first by calling the first-scene puzzle “a child’s game” and for solving Miles’s murder mystery within two minutes of hearing about it and with no clues whatsoever. It’s especially funny since everyone’s praising Miles’s intellect when it’s made explicitly clear that he didn’t design the puzzle nor did he write out the murder mystery and yet still is so entitled he acts as though his intellect, which is nonexistent and he didn’t lend to either of these things, has been undermined. And that Blanc, still playing the naïve and socially inept goof, is well aware of the fact that his comments and intellect bruise Miles’s narcissistic and yet fragile ego and is probably having a lot of fun doing it.

- Janelle Monae having a couple of moments where you hear a little bit of Helen’s natural Southern accent when she’s really upset as she’s masquerading as Andi is *chef’s kiss* and Andi probably also had a little bit of a hidden Southern accent that probably came out in small doses during emotional or vulnerable moments so it’s not surprising that it wouldn’t be a tell.

- “I want the truth!”

-Miles did in fact hand Duke the drink that killed him. Also, a bit fitting that a man with a deathly food allergy to a common food item insists on keeping a gun on him even when swimming but never bothers to carry at least one epi pen.

-Miles literally murdered a man and is shocked that a detective thinks to call the cops this is incredible.

- I appreciate how, except for his girlfriend who didn’t even like him very much, all of Duke’s friends are more concerned for how it will look for their reputations to be associated with his death even as an innocent standby than the fact that he died. And once again, the moment anything doesn’t go exactly his way, Miles panics and goes on impulse instead of thinking anything through and only kind of stumbles onto something afterwards. Also, him scampering off the moment anyone other than Benoit approaches Duke’s corpse. He’s so bad at hiding anything! It’s incredible he gets away with so much

- I was prepared for this but it really is delightful that Blanc has a posh English husband played by Hugh Grant who spends quarantine making sourdough starter. Also a cute little costuming detail that Blanc gets fully dressed, complete with a necktie to meet with Helen, but still wears a bathrobe over his clothes.

- Janelle Monae’s consistent, realistic Southern accent as Helen that does sound like it’s from one specific region from the South vs Daniel Craig’s hilarious, all-over-the-place Foghorn Leghorn Southern accent. Let’s discuss.

- “Heavens. The dog ate the caviar again.”

- Helen is so goddamn brave and I love her.

- The fact that Miles is such an inept and clueless murderer who only gets by on privilege and luck that Blanc doesn’t suspect Miles as Andi’s killer because it would be too inept and dumb of a murder, though

- It does kind of make me wonder--did Lionel and Claire want to be a positive force in the world once? Were they better people before easy money from Miles made them take ethical shortcuts or were they always weak and corruptible people who just wanted a meal ticket? They’re clearly more conflicted about Miles’s actions than Duke and Birdie and feel more guilty about betraying Andi, but they still chose money and convenience over ethics. I mean, that’s a big message of this movie; these morally questionable/bankrupt people at times wanted to do the right thing, but chose greed and corruption over their conscience. But I guess I liked Leslie Odom Jr’s and Kathryn Hahn’s performances so much that I was curious as to their approaches to the roles and how they took their respective characters’ corruption.

- Helen being terrified because of the high risks as well as getting seasick as well as accidentally getting tipsy because she didn’t realize the kombucha she was drinking had alcohol in it and still managing to mostly confuse everyone is amazing and shows not just her intellect and quick thinking but the love and commitment she has for her twin no matter how uncomfortable the situation gets. Blanc says himself that she has a natural talent for sleuthing.

- “That is hahd kamboocha! That is Jared Letos’ hahd kamboocha!”

- Oh heavens, the foreshadowing.

- the detail that Serena Williams is one of the world’s greatest living athletes and Miles still hires her to do nothing except do personal training if someone is there did get a chuckle out of me

- “If I ever meet Jared Leto, I’m gonna whoop his kombucha-brewing ass”-Helen realizing she accidentally got tipsy off of his kombucha and also I would watch Helen beat the living shit out of Jared Leto

- I know the only redeemable characters in this movie, realistically, are Helen, Andi, and Blanc but I do feel bad for Peg.

-”Birdie...please tell me you did not think sweatshops are where they make...sweatpants.” *Annoyed, unapologetic shrug.* “Oh my Go-o-od.”

- Andi’s notebook indirectly saving Helen is apparently a parallel to Knives Out, in which a prop shows the heroine surviving killing odds because of someone who loved them. Again, I need to watch Knives Out.

- “Miles Bron is an idiot.” “No one tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon.”

- A bit depressing that Peg and Whiskey, who didn’t actively stab Andi in the back, are still imbued enough with the Disruptors that they also ignore any kind of conscience they have for greater opportunities, but not surprising.

- Miles looking at Helen, again, undoubtedly knowing that Andi had a twin sister, and clearly thinking, “What the fuck, is Andi a terminator? How many times do I have to kill her??”

- Miles is so reckless, egotistical, and fucking dumb. He specifically asked for people’s food allergies and killed Duke in front of their friends with his own food allergy and only succeeded because Duke was too proud to carry a couple of epi pens in case of an emergency. This is on top of the fact that he murdered his high-profile former friend and business partner all because he just assumed it would be covered up because he’s a multi-billionaire and he thinks everyone is as much of an idiot as he is. “No! It’s just dumb!” indeed. It doesn’t even occur to him that it’s Helen who’s alive in front of him until Blanc spells it out and you can tell from his reactions.

- Speaking of which, Ed Norton eats in this movie. He’s amazing as a sleazy, smug, greedy, narcissistic scumbag. I love to hate him every moment he’s on screen and he’s always great as a villain but especially in this.

- “Heavens to...you dimwitted, brainless jackass! Your one murder with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me!”

- Miles doesn’t even get the idea to burn the napkin on his own. Lionel, completely and justifiably mystified, goes, “You didn’t just...burn it?”

- Oh, but how cowardly the Disruptors are when they think Miles will win everything even though they know he’s a monster and are horrified by what he did.

-”Totally circumspective evidence”--Benoit rolling his eyes. Same. Also, apparently Miles Bron is not based on Elon Musk and their similarities are coincidental but Elon Musk stans saw this dumb fucking loser and went, “This talentless, unoriginal, evil person is definitely my precious boy” and that is amazing.

-Oh, but how incredible it is, that moment in Helen’s eyes that go from heartbreak and grief and anger, knowing she’ll never get proper justice for Andi to that moment of, “But fuck it. Revenge is also a viable solution.” I could live in it. That switch in which she’s like, “He’ll never be held accountable for literal murder. Time to burn it all down” and in fact does.

-Also turns out I was wrong about the poisoned whiskey soda theory--she drinks it and then raises hell. Miles is just so dumb, impulsive, and reckless I didn’t put it past him.

-I also like that Blanc realizes that proper legal justice is futile but also that Miles deserves every negative thing coming his way and knows when to let Helen take the reigns.

- “You would lie for a lie but you wouldn’t lie for the truth?”

- No, Whiskey. You don’t get to try to kill Helen and screw her over and act like you’re friends and comrades. Same goes for the rest of you shitheads. And yet the fact that these people never truly liked Miles shines through makes them all feel empowered up to a certain point until they realize that their cowardice and greed and association with him will cost them personally and then they become cowards again.

- Self-fulfilling prophecy, Miles, you motherfucker. Also the transition from him being completely unfazed (both by Helen breaking the ugly glass sculptures and the fact that everyone joins in at first and that none of his friends actually like him) to horror is deeply satisfying to watch. Everyone goes, “But you went too far” as if Miles didn’t literally murder Helen’s sister after stealing credit for her life’s work. No, actually. She’s the only real disruptor here

-She fucking blows up the Glass Onion! (also Blanc just handing Klear to her like, “I won’t, but you should.”)

- Is Daryl meant to be a metaphor for Covid? He enters the picture with a case of Coronas going, “I’m not here” and is there when Helen blows up the Glass Onion because no way is the throat coat actually going to protect any of these people from, Covid and chances are Birdie (and Peg, by association) Duke, Whiskey or Miles (or maybe Claire) infected everyone.

- His one-of-a-kind car that follows him everywhere is ruined too. Good.

-I can’t tell you how hard I laughed when Miles realizes that he rented the Mona Lisa and it’s on fire so now he’ll forever be known as the man who destroyed one of Europe’s greatest paintings. Also I know there’s discourse on whether or not it’s the actual Mona Lisa. For the sake of this movie I’ll say it is; the Louvre was that impressed with Miles’s money and that the catharsis is that, in the Knives Out universe, that Miles ruined his own image by ruining the Mona Lisa.

-I know it’s a movie but Helen running on broken glass while wearing sandals freaked me out for a moment, even though it is pretty urgent.

“You’ll forever be remembered in the same breath as the Mona Lisa.”

- Oh wait Helen had to point out to him that he’ll forever be known as the guy who destroyed the Mona Lisa. Amazing.

-This has been pointed out before but I did see what you did there: Cassandra predicted the fall of Troy despite no one believing her and Helen precipitated it.

- They’ll all burn him to save themselves now that he’s not their sugar daddy, which is obvious. I’m kind of curious to see how they’d try to salvage their careers after this, but I’m pretty sure we won’t find out. Benoit Blanc movies so far work like Mad Max movies, and he’ll be the ally/helper to another working class woman who exposes a corrupt and greedy wealthy group of people and any Helen/Marta fanfics will be strictly on AO3. And here. Also I’m here for it.

-Miles Bron you fucking idiot. You piece of shit. Hell’s bells you really actively planned to murder your former business partner/best friend as you sent her a puzzle invitation to celebrate a murder mystery-themed party. I...incredible. Not in a good way. In a “bought the Mona Lisa on a whim and let it burn to the ground” kind of way.

- Okay, I know the look on Helen’s face is meant to be a million things, because it evokes the Mona Lisa but still. As far as she knows, since she wasn’t there to hear that the Disruptors have agreed to burn Miles in court, she didn’t really get to clear her sister’s name and that’s probably the biggest source of pain for her. That said she did get to obstruct a deeply dangerous fuel source by the incompetent piece of shit that murdered her sister and ruin his public image. It’s probably a mix of catharsis and a lack of it. Either way, I enjoyed the movie and will watch it again as well as Knives Out.

#knives out #glass onion #janelle monae #daniel craig #benoit blanc #ed norton #kathryn hahn #leslie odom jr #dave bautista #rian johnson #glass onion spoilers

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