#I blame nobody but myself for my own insecurity - but I also can't help it 🥺 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

apocketfullofpoesis · 5 months

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I'm sorry if you're getting bullied or your hard work isn't being appreciated but in terms of you as a person you come off really judgemental, arrogant and rude. Even professors have to do chores and so do you. Being a topper doesn't make you a superior person. I'd rather be friends with a kind academic failure who whores themselves around than you for all your excellent grades. Be successful, know your own worth and don't dim your own light. But at the same time don't ram your success down others throats who aren't, can't be or don't want to be your intellectual equal. It takes all sorts to make the world go round. Confidence and humility are a tricky balance I know but you're going to up bitter and twisted with this mindset you're propagating

this is the problem with venting out on social media platforms. the very first line you apologized to me if I was being bullied and then you go on to contradict those lines yourself. i have a lot of friends, I am kind to each one of my batchmates (not just classmates), and keep helping them that's why I never complained about my friends in that rant. However there are some people in my family, and around the society i live in who blame their insecurities on my capabilities even if the two are far from being interrelated. the fact that you found me arrogant and rude bc i vented out my bottled up feelings, lowering my guard down speaks volumes why some people refrain from putting their views forward on the internet. I did not even get what you said about professors because mind you, my professors are very supportive to me and my classmates but there are some who are pure sadists and they constantly try to bring people like me down, who are academically good and focused. trust me.

Being a topper does not make me superior. Yes. Thank you for admitting it. That is another thing that people like you have stereotyped about us. But even if it does give some sort of peace to us, thinking we are actually good at something (re-read my post where I said this line) is there something wrong with that? There are people in my class who are super talented at dancing and singing and they feel superior to others because they're good at it. Theres nothing wrong with it. Similarly, if we feel superior because we can actually do good academically, why is that a concern? Some toppers are annoying, ngl. Do not generalize us. Unless some of us don't bully you and ask you to worship at our altar, why is that a bad thing? I will also give you a very common example. Some of my classmates still have a stage fear in even texting our professors and suggesting them changes in the schedule so they text us because they know we got this. I'll share a screenshot of a chat from today, in this reference:

regarding who you would rather be friends with, why would I care? you do you. I wrote it in frustration bc my friends are suffering and the entire semester I kept telling them that it's the final year and now they should at least try to get back on track. literally, these friends of mine follow me on Tumblr. They don't have issues because they know the context, so chill.

I am not ramming my success up anyone's throat. We're not in middle school ffs. In terms of success, i haven't even graduated yet. I don't consider myself successful so thanks to you if you do. That's one positive thing I'll take from your message. I don't bring anyone down in my process, i help them as much as I can. But it's of no use if they completely refrain from helping themselves. You really didn't get the point.

Lastly, I am not propagating my mindset. It seems to me that you are gullible if anything that I said influenced you to change your thoughts. For that I'd say, follow the advice you're giving to me because the world is crueler than the topper you're talking about lmao.

I wrote that rant because I feel that it goes unnoticed how nobody acknowledges the mental pressure that tags along with being a topper and this one time that I spoke about it, these are y'all's replies. Really stunned. But it also proved my point so it's alright <3.

edit:

I'd like to attach a meme based on yet another stereotyped notion and i kinda understand where you're coming from

DO NOT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT FEEDS TO YOUR WRONG VIEWS!

#writers on tumblr #for you page #foryou #explore page #for you #dark academia #foryoupage #light academia #literature #desi tumblr #desiblr

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llycaons · 9 months

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ep28 (1/2): jc comb L

I burned out most of my allocated images in this first conversation because !!! it's EVERYTHING!!!

well first of all wwx saying that not living up to his promises would impact his reputation is hilariously ironic given the situation, and he knows it. but jc is not messing around

I've said before he's easily manipulated and not a great political mind, and I stand by that, but he's got a decent grasp of the situation here honestly, and this cnversation is so painful and emotional because they both care so much but they can't get around their differences. I don't even think there was much miscommunication. but I'm getting ahead of myself

yeah he noticed. also sorry for getting that shot of wwx. my bad, man

and here's the kicker. jc and wwx are in agreement here. jc says 'this is dangerous, you have to completely stop this or else they'll find a pretext to kill you'

and wwx counters with 'if these people are doomed, I have to stay with them because there's no other way to protect them' and jc says 'WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT PROTECTING THEM'

and wwx gets so mad at that he doesn't even deign to emphasize 'murdering innocent people is wrong' because...obviously

jc says keep your head down! this is a lost cause! nobody will help you or support you!

the barehanded sword grasp oof

and this is honestly jc's most iconic monologue (?)

like he kind of gets is. he understand the trials that wwx is facing. he's just unwilling to face them with him. he's a pessimist, and has no genuine moral compass.

I actually don't judge him too harshly for these choices until postcanon, until we see how entrenched he's become in this position. he never once expresses regret for deciding that turning over the wens was the right choice. he never reflects on his behavior. he fails to take responsibility for the role he took in this. too insecure, too traumatized, too fragile, too grief-stricken to look inward. he bears some of the blame for what happened and he knows it but he's too burnt out on his own losses to care

and wwx goes FINE! then I'll do it alone! because jc is right, this is doomed. but wwx is also right, he can't just abandon these people

this is the line that kills me. bc it's clear how painful this is and it's clear that jc wants to protect wwx but he just doesn't see a way he can. not the imaginative type. but this is as clear communication as we can get

another strike to the heart! wwx loves his family and his home so much! he's not doing this because he wants to!

but even if these were all total strangers he'd do the same. ugh he was too good for this world

now that is a very hurtful thing to say, jc. you know what your mom was like

THEY ARE BOTH CRYING??? I NEVER NOTICED

we get a shot of jc in his pjs with his little sleeping boots (?) and he doesn't have a blanket. anyway

very very funny that jc asks wq why she didn;t come to him and she was like 'well would you have HELPED me' and he can't even say that he would have. WHY DID YOU OFFER THEN. in his mind he's like 'of course wwx did exactly what she needed because he's better than me,,,,he just HAS to be a hero....the woman I love likes him better and he doesn't even care bc he's gay...fml'

not haunted by the people there he wants to condemn to death, but by his own failures and inadequacies. he really is quite a self-centered character and it boggles the mind that he's portrayed as anything else. I mean in his essential characterization, not one-offs

missed the shot but there are truly so many fucking candles in this place. aren't they worries about wasting them

HE'S SAYING HOW MUCH IT HURTS 😭

wwx playing rest out in the night in his iconic outfit....love it

#cql re-rewatch

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parasocial12 · 4 months

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Clubs, my Past, and more Whining

[transcribed from memo book as is] McD is expensive! I can't really think of what to write for today's entry. I had to speak to my professor last class. Very scary! No friends made in any course. Sad! They say to join clubs to make friends, but the Anime Club is the only club that is truly applicable to me. Unfortunately, those are not my People. They are simply too cringe? I don't mean that in the sense that I don't understand wh the jokes, but they're simply all too unfunny. Their tastes are too Reddit. I'm in the most vexing position. I'm too strange for normal people, but too normal for the weirdos. I suppose in one-on-one interactions I fare decently, but in a club setting I feel locked out. Band kids is what they feel like! The type to think Rick and Morty an is the funniest show ever. In a way, I am also too radical for them too. My years spent on 4chan as a Youth have a left permanent mark on my psyche. Not on /pol/ or /b/ or any of those places where the Election Tourists. /r9k/ was such a nice place to vent to older anons. Sure, I was underage ban, but ain't nobody knew that. I miss that comradery, as toxic as they were. The Youths of today are so lucky to have Tiktok. I admire TT as a space where the Youth can experiment and be themselves while using the algorithm to find communities to connect with. I missed out on that train. That's not to say I don't use TT or have my own spaces, but TT as a youth must be a hell of a fun place. Oh well! I had the experience of being underage on anonymous imageboards at least (wow!). Let me finish my fries now ~~~~ On the walk back to the SC, I passed by some sort of Christian group- a club? I know not, for I avoided eye contact- and as I did, they spoke to a duo of girls walking next to me. The usual invitation for a Bible study. They kept walking of course, and while doing so joked about how one of them was the target lol. Very funny duo- almost chuckled before remembering that I was merely walking alongside them, not with them! On that walk as well, I passed many cute girls. Idk what it is about college, but so many ppl are beautiful. It doesn't help that they are all serving- I didn't know uni was a fashion show! Now, I sit at the usual spot of my writing and jot down in my little memo book. Makes for such unworthy penmanship. Ahhhh! It's so frustrating seeing all the cute gals. I'm not terrible looking monster w/ a horrible personality, but I can't muster up the nerve to act upon my romantic delusions! How I wish I was less of an overthinker! Oh well. Since I am too passive to pursue, I must accept the fact that I will end up alone. Tragic! The best and easiest years to make friends and lovers and I cannot. What a failure I am! It is concerning that the majority of the ppl I have cordial relations with are women- and of them all are either taken or lesbian. I've nothing really against it. I'm proud that so many ppl can confide in me. Yet, I feel lonely. I realize I'm too emotionally immature to date, but I've fallen so far behind the curve that I feel that I will never catch up. I'm just a fool. Dreaming the best years of my Life away! I don't blame anyone, really. If I was a woman, I wouldn't date myself either. I'm a nice guy, but that's such a low bar- the bare minimum. What do I have to offer? I'm not rich. I'm mildly funny at times, but no comedian. I'm not some attractive guy. I don't like going out. I'm insecure. My Future is bleak. I have Nothing! Oh well. Always an oh well. I apologize to my future self for having wasted our Time, and I damn my younger self for the same Crime. [end of entry] Author's Note: It appears that no matter what, I will always end up writing about being lonely and cute girls I see. What a creep! I'm not an incel or nothing, but damn if my writings don't make me seem like I am

#diary #diary entry #college #college student #university #social anxiety #vent #pathetic loser #losercore #loser

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0thsense · 6 months

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11/5/2023

Back from glorious nippon. To be honest it was definitely a fun trip. It made me realize just how starved I've been of human interaction in general this past year. I have a whirlwind of thoughts I'd like to put down so lets get started.

I brought up IQ and online tests to Michael and Reggie, but more to Michael in particular. They both seemed to not have had much prior interest in them, which slightly surprised me from a basal part of my mind since I'm interested in them. But I know that I have way more interest than normal. Michael tried them and scored surprisingly high, getting 138 on one diagnostic. Since that is about what I get, and I previously thought I had higher IQ to be honest, it was a little surprising. It makes me think that what I previously thought were larger gaps between me and others might actually be much smaller. I'm also suspecting more and more that I'm not actually smarter than others to the extent that I think.

What is the difference then? Is it simply personal bias that I especially notice the times when I seem smarter> Or is it some sort of strangeness I have with a tendency to analyze everything? Hard to say I suppose. I was unable to tease anything out of Reggie about insecurities relating to intelligence and other things that I've long suspected he had. Even at the onsen we didn't really open up that much, despite my efforts.

My mood was definitely very good overall on the trip, and definitely a large part of that was being off my meds. I'm kind of torn on whether I should continue meds at this point. Maybe I just need to drink coffee every time I need to focus. That's probably what my parents did, given they drank 8 cups of coffee a day or something absurd like that. I'm definitely more fun and quirky when I'm not on them, and I'm even trying to stay off of them to see what happens for a bit now that I'm back.

Another thing I've looked a bit into recently is attachment styles. I think I maybe fearful avoidant, due to being scared of my parents when I was young. I think that's the one that's the worst. Another thing to blame on my parents kappa. I don't really know how to fix it other than just trying to force myself to trust others. It's really hard for me I've realized, and this is probably part of the reason why I've always thought about being so self sufficient.

I brought this up to the girl I went on a date with a week before the japan trip. this transition was awkward lol. That date kinda sucked, it was just really boring. Oh well I guess. I don't really have much thoughts on it even though in theory it's something exciting. I'll try to stay active on Hinge I guess for more excitement with some new pictures from Japan but I'm trying to not expect too much.

I was happy with how my fitness helped during the whole Japan trip. I think I had the most stamina and energy throughout the trip. Japanese girls are really cute ngl. I wish I was still at the age where it was more socially acceptable to just be into girls all the time. I hate that I grew up in church and had such warped ideas coming out of it.

I guess I should write some actual exposition about the trip. Reggie did say he started keeping a daily journal where he just writes what happened, and doesn't really go into further thought or detail like I try to do. I kind of assumed that other journalers would also follow my style but I guess I'm wrong? maybe? Reggie probably isn't an exception here. Am I weird for actually thinking about everything? Probably. But nobody would admit that they're a shallow thinker, it's one of the things where there's infinite ways to cope yourself into believing that you think about things just as much as the next guy.

I wonder if others also have thoughts relating kimonos to flowers blooming. I hope that doesn't come off as misogynistic. I wonder where I would be the misogyny scale. Of course I'd like to believe I'd be really low but who knows? I can't read other people's or my own mind on these things. When I got boba with Ned I accidentally gendered a nonspecified secretary as "she" and I think that bothered Ned even though I caught it and corrected myself. I feel like that's unfair of him. When someone talks about a secretary helping David Shaw out do people really not imagine a mental scene where the secretary has a gender? I guess I didn't possess the faculties and awareness to gender them only in my hypothetical mental scene and shake that off when back to talking about them in the realm of only the information actually presented. Maybe this is the non-misogyny skill I need to practice. It does make me feel a little mad though.

Oh yea I've been experimenting with trying to actually feel my emotions. I might have mentioned this in a past blog but I'm actually trying to feel the anger and sadness I've bubbled up for far too long. I think it's sort of working? In the sense that sometimes I do think I'm feeling angry or sad profoundly. I'm not sure if feeling them helps at all though. My mood right now is pretty good randomly. I sure hope it doesn't go back down to the dumps again.

The food and views in Japan were excellent. I don't really have much more to say about it.

I predict everything and the things that I remember are the things that deviate most from what I've predicted. Wow that sounds so edgy. Surely I remember things that were really good or really bad even if I predicted them. Like even if I predicted a view to be really good would I not be struck by how good it is? Or maybe that's the thing. It's impossible to truly predict nature's beauty without actually seeing it. That would be nice if that were true. Will I remember the views of Japan? Maybe if I convince myself they were special enough, which I think I partly have already. Same with the food.

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creepypocky · 3 years

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hi hi! how are you doing today? ^-^

i'm 5'4, non-binary (he/they/it), biromantic and i dress super edgy (pastel goth) ;^; i've got short, messy, blond hair, bright green/blue eyes, rather full red-ish lips, extremely pale skin and i'm pretty chubby (a big insecurity of mine).

the first impression many people get of me is unemotional and quiet. i don't talk, and when i do have to, i start shaking and stuttering. i do what i'm told and don't stand up for myself at any given point. essentially, i'm an anxious pushover.

when i get more comfortable, i start getting louder. i behave like i'm super confident, untouchable, i make sarcastic remarks all of the time and i just overall like making people laugh, still keeping my resting bitch face though.

however, most of that is to mask my insecurities. i'm still an anxious pushover, constantly thinking everyone hates me and that i'm a disappointment, but due to past experiences i started hiding that. i have heavy moodswings as well (possibly because of my ADD), and a lot of people can't deal with that. i can go from super happy to extremely depressed or emotionless in no time.

overall, i'd say my actual personality is scared puppy with abandonment issues-

i like spending time with extroverted people, people that are understanding and sweet (maybe somewhat flirty and playful, but shh), and don't mind me having a need for physical affection and reassurance. people that can rant about things they like, and don't think it's their fault when i just can't express emotions atm.

i hope this was okay ;^;

Heyy hon! Sorry you had to wait a little bit! I will get to this fabulous matchup now <3

Also I am doing great, thank you so much for asking. :)

|| I match you with: Ticci Toby! ||

First off, he lovess your hair and your eyes. He likes to play with your hair and make it even more messy than it is only to fix it right back up because its just so soffttttt. He likes to just randomly stop and look deeply into your eyes until he absolutely has to blink.

He doesn't judge you whatsoever for being a little chubby, especially since he knows full well how it feels to be made fun of for something you didn't feel good about because of bullies from before he became a proxy. Instead he will help you love your body and help you get healthier!

If anyone ever messes with you and you're way too shy to stand up for yourself, there he'll be, right next to you and backing you up to make sure you don't get hurt or have a panic attacks. He hates it when people mess with you or bully you bc he's super overprotective.

He loves it when you get more confident and loud, he really loves to see you enjoy yourself and smile. It just gives him so much happiness.

He'll always be right there to reassure you that nobody hates you or thinks you're a disappointment, he absolutely hates seeing you upset and hating yourself. He just wants you to feel better and he'll help you love yourself more and not care as much about what other people think.

He most definitely understands having heavy mood swings, especially since he's bipolar and can't even control them. He'll make sure to always look after you and make sure you don't get in danger or lose touch with yourself. If he can deal with himself and his own issues, then he can definitely be there to deal with yours. And it won't bother him, he just wants to help you.

Toby is pretty extroverted and loves to play around and do pranks, but he's still understanding and kind for you. There's a rare chance he would ever do something to make you upset on purpose. This boi is so sweet and soft for you its insane.

Hon he'll give you all the physical and mental affection you need, he lovesssss to cuddle and just hold you close whenever he can. He never blames himself if you can't express emotion because he's the same way at times and know that you're just going through stuff.

~~~

There you go~

I hope you enjoyed this matchup as much as I loved writing it! I hope you're having an amazing day/night and make sure to take great care of yourself. <3

#creepypasta fluff #creepypasta matchups #ticci toby #ticci toby fluff #toby rogers #matchups #anon ask #creepypasta

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pokefanbri · 4 years

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1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

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mental-health-advice · 6 years

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I think I developed a trigger,the closest friend I ever had stop talking to me out of nowhere and months latter I found out she told everyone I was cutting (luckily nobody believed her)she also said I was abusive and I keep beating myself up about it even though everyone says I wasn't I can't stop thinking about it every time I see her talking to one of my friends I get paranoid and it triggers an depressive episode.How can I stop this?Was I abusive?

Heyfriend,

I'mso sorry you're going through that. From the little information I'vegot, it sounds like you definitely weren't abusive. In fact, itsounds like quite the opposite, like this friend was abusive of you.She really wasn't respectful of you and betrayed your trust.

Sometimes,abusive people will try to control you by trying to influence whatother people think about you. By telling other people that you werecutting and trying to get them to believe you were abusive, thisfriend was trying to get other people to think poorly of you and toeither leave you or to take away any other friends you have so thatthey would have more control over you.

Idon't really have any good answers for why people do this. From whatI have heard, people that do this are incredibly insecure aboutthings that have happened in their own life, and they try to dealwith that insecurity by controlling others. I don't know what thatdoes for them, and it definitely does not excuse that behavior in anyway.

It'stotally understandable that this would depress you! This behavior istotally not okay and to have someone who was close to you for so longbetray your trust like that really hurts. I've actually been in asimilar situation. My closest friend for years did a lot of reallynot okay things to control me in a way that she wanted. She didn'tcare about my needs, and even told me that I was making up myproblems. The best thing I did for myself was to cut her out of mylife and tell myself that the way she treated me was really not okay.It took several years to heal from the behaviors I learned fromcoping with her. I think the sooner you can get away from this toxicperson, the sooner you can work towards healing and making a goodlife for yourself.

Remember,her actions were not your fault. She chose to act this way, and itdoesn't reflect on you in any way. I know it's really easy to blameyourself for something like this, and to try to figure out what youcould have done differently. But doing that just leads to a lot ofpain, and makes you feel even worse about yourself. The sooner youcan break out of that cycle, the easier it will be when you see heraround some of your other friends.

Anotherthing to remember is that these feelings aren't just going to goaway. Trying to ignore them or suppress them will only serve tostrengthen them and make them become so overwhelming that soon youhave no choice but to deal with them. I've gone through that a fewtimes, and it's always really hard when that happens. I really do notrecommend going through that. It's painful and hard and makes thingsway more complicated.

Thebest thing you can do to avoid that is to let yourself feel thesefeelings now. What are these triggers trying to tell you? What canyou learn from this experience? I know it can seem counter intuitive,but letting yourself feel your feelings is actually one of the bestways to get over them faster. Even if you can only do this for fiveminutes a day, it will help you to improve and get to where you cancope with this again.

Ihope that helps! Good luck with everything.

“Whatwe achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”

~Mel

#abusive #close friend #manipulation #depression #trigger #relationships #mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #Anonymous

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danielmcghee · 7 years

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We Can't Handle The Truth!!!

WE CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

We Can’t. The truth is somewhat of a hobby of mine. It’s a passion. However none of us speak the truth all the time. Sure, we can go without lying…..but we can’t always speak the truth when we see it. I’m a student of the world around me and it’s truths, I perceive a lot of things, especially about human nature, but if I spoke on it all the time could you imagine how many friends I would lose? How many followers? People don’t want to hear the truth about themselves. For most people the scariest thing to do is be faced with themselves and they avoid it at all costs. Nobody wants to lose friends, no teacher wants to lose students, no writer wants to lose followers, no role model wants to lose fans, etc. The truth sets people free but it also scares them away, and so it’s a tricky tightrope walk sometimes to teach the truth and yet maintain a following/friendships. I like to encourage people to look at themselves and I try to do it as subtly as possible because I know how delicate the average ego is (I’m not entirely exempt), but could you imagine if I just spit the raw truth at all times? If I, for instance, talked about things like human overpopulation of this planet, and how we are a cancer to this planet and nature, about overbreeding and why most women have children, about why some women seek broken men, about the real reasons men cheat, about why marriages don’t last and why people rush into marriages and relationships and why they more often fall apart, about why studies show that the bigger the ring and more elaborate the wedding ceremony the more likely a divorce will follow, about insecurity and overcompensation through material things and relationships. I’m just generalizing here to avoid pissing anyone off, but if I got into detail it would force people to look inside theirselves and they don’t want to do that. Their guard goes up instantly, defense mechanisms come out and ultimately spiritual and emotional growth is stunted. We are slaves to our own egos now more than ever. The majority are so enslaved by our egos that we won’t even admit we have one. The ego is the stunter of all growth. My goal is to teach and to help people grow, and through that I’m teaching myself and helping myself grow. It is a delicate walk though. The truth drives people away but you need people to teach, listen or read what you have to say. People are only drawn to what they want to hear, not what makes them uncomfortable, even though uncomfortability breeds growth. A woman I know of started a blog and made a lot of money off of it, and I was floored at the content. Her blog was about boyfriends/Husbands that cheat and how it’s the women’s fault. It talked about how women were to blame and they need to try harder and do everything for their man and that they would never be good enough, and how it’s in a mans nature to cheat and they just need to accept it. Who would read this rubbish?? A lot of people! She had thousands and thousands of dedicated followers. Why? Because it’s easier for women to just accept some bs about them not being good enough and to just continue with their unhappy lives the way they were and accept it than for them to go through the uncomfortability of change. It would be too much for them to have to confront their men, to leave their men, or to throw them out, like all their friends and family probably told them too. Here they finally found someone that was telling them the lies that they wanted to hear in order to remain stagnant and comfortable. I have a friend who promotes celibacy before marriage. Talk about a conversation that makes people uncomfortable! Nobody wants to talk about that, especially me. But….when we speak on it, I can’t deny that %90 of his points are valid. They may all be valid and I just don’t want to admit it, because it’s not something I’m willing to consider. And, that’s how we are…..we shut ourselves off from what could help us grow because we don’t want to be uncomfortable, we don’t want to look at ourselves. How dare he say that about me? Does he know who I am? We get defensive and start pointing things out about the person trying to teach us in order to deflect away from ourselves. Very few teachers of truth were popular during their time, it’s not until we look back on history, on their legacy, that their popularity grew. Jesus was the biggest truth speaker in history and people hated him enough to brutally murder him. These are trying times. Do we help someone and risk them being closed to the help and ultimately losing a friendship or do we remain the silent observer. The only thing I know I can do is vow to remain more open to the truth and to look at anything that is shown to me about myself without judging the source or getting defensive. To vow to remain open to discomfort and change because it presents opportunities for growth, and to continue to try to sneak in my tidbits of truth to whoever may be willing to listen. 😜 Your ego is not your amigo. God bless.

#god growth spirituality love teach knowledge wisdom grow evolve spirituality

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