#I do fear my writing which is meant to be more Perspective Driven will sound defensive rather than deeply interested but. alas | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Welcome back, everyone! Starting here in Chapter Six these recaps are doing double duty with my latest attempt at completing National Novel Writing Month. Granted, this isn’t a novel and yes, I technically started this project well before November, but there’s no way I’d manage 50,000 words of fiction in 2020, so I’m hoping to hit that with these recaps instead. You all get semi-frequent updates and I may get to finally say I completed this challenge! That’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned.

Quick reminder: new teams, CFVY was separated, everything is awful. There, done. Seventy-five pages in we’ve come back to Velvet’s point of view as she and the other students are carted off in airbuses. She’s experiencing the “same shock and dismay” that she saw on Yatsuhashi’s face before they were separated, thus I’d like to re-emphasize last chapter’s argument that though shaking up the teams isn’t inherently a bad idea, doing it in this way while your students are recovering from/still involved in a war is… not so great for their mental health. Yeah, yeah, Remnant is a hard place and these kids experience traumatic events on the weekly, but still. There’s a fine line between preparing students for that kind of life and simply traumatizing them further, because this is a kind of trauma when the teams so heavily rely on one another - fill every aspect of one another’s lives: friend, colleague, family, teacher, student, leader, follower, romantic partner - and you’re now uprooting them with no warning. Whether or not new teams actually happen, the students think they are and that’s messing with their heads. Basically they’re just:

This problem is highlighted when we get confirmation of what I stated last time: the teams aren’t merely colleagues turned friends, but family. These fighters have got all their emotional eggs in one basket. Velvet goes so far as to imply that she loves her team more than her parents, with the logic being that they (her parents) “never talked to each other anymore.” So… if Coco and Yatsuhashi stopped talking would that undermine your love for each of them as individuals? I get what the overall takeaway is - divorce is a nasty business and can leave lasting scars on kids caught in the middle, to say nothing of the fact that, as a young adult, Velvet is poised to start creating a family by choice, not blood - but it’s still an odd way to phrase the issue. Here we have another instance of me picking up on implications due to RWBY, the franchise’s, overall themes. When you’ve got a story so thoroughly touting a teens vs. adults mentality, having Velvet mentally reject her parents for her team reads differently than it otherwise would. Chock that onto the pile that already includes things like, ‘Ruby denies that Qrow ever helped her’ and ‘Yang is no longer a part of grieving for Summer’ and ‘Weiss seems to have forgotten all that Klein did for her.’ There’s a lot of uncomfortable details attached to our heroes and how they see the adults in their lives, parents included.

Velvet doesn’t get to worry for long though. A much happier voice sounds across the airbus and she spots Sun, classically hanging from his tail. Instead of hearing more about her fears we segue into - you guessed it - Sun bashing. The first thought to pop into her head is that Sun “wasn’t with the rest of his team, but knowing Sun, that might have been his decision.”

...Velvet, you just tried desperately to stay with your own team and were (somehow) swept away by the apparently overwhelming crowed (still ridiculous imo). But if you didn’t manage this, what makes you think Sun had a chance? Why is his separation suddenly a potential choice when yours was presented as nothing of the sort? That is some real insistence on thinking the worst of him. I dragged Sun for abandoning his team in Volume 4 because that was abandonment. It was a choice worthy of criticism. This? This was outside of his control and Velvet knows it.

Sun saw her, smiled, and waved. Velvet looked away.

Nice, Velvet.

He comes over anyway and (kindly!) asks if she’s okay. Velvet says no, specifically because “Yatsu and I were separated.” Here we have another example of how close the partners get even within each team. Blake and Yang are inseparable. Ruby talks to Weiss more than her sister (and the concept of her talking to Blake in any meaningfully way is hilarious at this point). Now, despite being separated from her entire team - everyone is in the same awful boat - Velvet frames the situation as just being separated from Yatsuhashi. Later she repeats, “Well, I still want to try to find Yatsu.” So would it be a disappointment to find Fox or Coco instead? It’s especially weird because in the main show we see Velvet and Coco interacting the most. I actually had to look up who Velvet’s partner was because I just assumed our two girls were a duo. Apparently not. I’m not really into the CFVY side of the fandom, but I imagine there’s a substantial ship community for these two based solely on how Velvet embraces RWBY partnerships in this book, outside of the always popular Velvet/Coco, of course.

That’s admittedly a ship I can get behind.

After Velvet unloads all her worries “Sun stared ahead, like he couldn’t quite manage to feel bad.” Attention, readers, this is an important lesson coming up! In fandom spaces I often see people analyzing novels (and other print media/visual media with narration) without taking into consideration the perspective. Unless we’ve got an omniscient perspective we need to take into account that our narrator might, simply put, be wrong (and even then, omniscient unreliable narrators are a popular choice). Often I see readers taking a characters’ thoughts - and words - at face value, which is understandable given that we’re meant to emotionally connect with them, but we have to keep in mind that this is their interpretation of events. We see the story through their eyes, how they perceive the world, but their perception of the world may not be accurate or, at the very least, is open to further interpretation. Sometimes this is used in an obvious, plot-driven manner - there’s a surprise twist for the reader, made possible because our protagonist was likewise kept in the dark - but it applies to our reading of more casual interactions too. This is a good example. Just because Velvet says Sun looks “like he couldn’t quite manage to feel bad” doesn’t mean that’s actually how Sun feels. As we’ve just re-established, Velvet is inclined to think the worst of Sun, or at least consider the worst as a distinct possibility. So if we’re asking the question, “Is Velvet’s perspective accurate to reality here?” weighing her previous assumptions against actions like Sun smiling, waving, and asking how she’s doing, AKA caring about her situation… I’d say no, it’s likely not.

At least she doesn’t outright accuse him of anything. Given that he’s not privy to these insulting thoughts, Sun chatters on about the test. He thinks it “isn’t a bad idea” because, as established, a lot of students lost teammates and are having trouble settling into Shade while still trying to live the life they had at Beacon. Changing the teams could be a “chance to really commit to our new school and our training, and learn from one another in a new way.” That’s what I think!

“Right… Or maybe some of us burned bridges with our team and might be looking for an easy way to avoid fixing those relationships.”

Velvet what the actual fuck. Can our cast NOT be assholes for five minutes??

Sun goes red at the accusation and calls her out on being harsh. “Tough love” Velvet calls it. Okay, no. Tough love is reserved for people you’re actually friends with and is meant to have them face a harsh reality they might be avoiding. Sun is avoiding an overt apology with his team, but we (and Velvet) have been given no indication that his thoughts on the test are a smokescreen to hide ulterior motives, which is what she’s talking about here. Sun clearly wants to make up with his team, he’s just struggling to accept what needs to be done to do that. Tough love would have been Velvet encouraging Sun to use this separation to reflect on what his team means to him and then, regardless of whether they end up back together, apologizing for how he unintentionally hurt them. Not… this. Plus, again, Velvet hasn’t exactly been friendly lately. She has little ground for dishing out “tough love.” You need established “love” before the “tough” part.

In addition, she’s not listening to what Sun’s saying. “If they want us prepared for an attack, breaking up teams sounds counterproductive.” When did Sun mention anything about an attack? That’s your assumption of what’s going down based on the illegal investigation you’ve been assisting with. Sun just said that changing the teams would provide some of them with a much needed clean slate, which is true. Just because that’s not what Velvet needs doesn’t mean it’s not useful for others. As she eventually acknowledges, they can get too comfortable in the roles they’ve been playing.

We get her line about wanting to find Yatsuhashi followed by, “Sun, you do whatever you want. That’s what you’re good at.” Velvet seriously? Then minutes later she’s hoping Sun sticks close to her if he can. Real talk: everyone deserves better than this. ‘Friends’ who constantly act like your presence is a burden, insult you whenever they get the chance, insist such insults are for your benefit (it’s just tough love), but then turn around and play nice when you have something they want... those aren’t friends. Note that Velvet is - both privately and overtly - mean to Sun while he’s just existing in the airbus, going through the same horrible test as her, trying to be nice, and holding an otherwise civil conversation. While trapped on the bus with nowhere to go, Sun is a nuisance despite his best efforts. When the floor suddenly opens up and Velvet is terrified of falling and surviving on her own though, then his presence is desirable. That’s not friendship and in another story I’d praise the author(s) for writing a compelling move from shaky acquaintances to a strong bond… but I’m honestly not sure that the relationship (any of them, really) will improve. Far as I can gather, Myers thinks this is friendship.

So Velvet accuses Sun of always and forever hurting others in his pursuit of doing what pleases him (after checking in on Velvet… literally minutes ago…) which is right around when Scarlet decides to make himself known. He agrees with Sun’s belief that this test will be harder than they assume: “I think you’re right… For a change.” Everything comes with a caveat. Apparently Scarlet has been listening in the whole time, but somehow manages to turn that into an insult as well with “I’ve been standing five feet away. Maybe I’m ready for a new team, too.” Wait, is the implication that Scarlet is further annoyed because Sun didn’t notice him? Do you all have ANY idea how many times a friend has stood right next to me and I didn’t notice them because I was caught up in something like work, a show… a conversation? I’m oblivious af. I get that Sun has things to make up for but at the very least these characters could keep their criticisms to what he’s actually done wrong, not crazy reaches like, ‘Sun probably abandoned his team when everyone was separated’ or ‘Sun was busy talking to Velvet and didn’t notice me eavesdropping, so I guess I don’t mean much to him, huh.’ I’m constantly torn between the presumed realism of this writing - people are unfair in their criticisms, teens do hold unsubstantiated grudges - and acknowledging that Myers seems to have felt confident writing (1) personality and just gave it to everyone. Velvet privately becomes as critical as Coco, who is as vocal as Fox, who agrees with Yatsuhashi, who echoes Sun’s team, and Sun himself often throws that attitude right back. Round and round we go.

As one might imagine, the three begin theorizing about what the test itself will be like. Usually Shade sets up initiation just like this. Students are transported in windowless airbuses, dumped in the desert, and told to find their way home. I’m interested in the bit about how teams are made up not only based on arrival, but also “the manner in which [the students] survived.” It definitely lends support to the assumption I’ve always had that the teams can really be random. At least not entirely. There’s strategy on the part of the instructors, thinking through aspects like, ‘Well, these two students used their wits in this manner so they’d pair together nicely.’ Or the reverse, ‘Put together the strategist with the student in love with blunt force, let them balance each other out.’ I certainly don’t think that Ozpin formed teams based solely on who ran into each other first. Not only do we have agency on the part of the students (Weiss leaves Ruby, then Jaune, then goes back to Ruby), as well as the fact that two sets of partners had to be paired together someway, but Ozpin was also carefully watching their whole performance. If the only thing that mattered was getting back to Beacon with a chess piece, why bother examining their choices? Shade appears to employ a similar setup of careful decisions portrayed as randomness, which would make sense given that Ozpin set up these schools. Though all the headmasters may not realize it (is Theodore a part of the inner circle?), or perhaps don’t agree with his methods overall, Ozpin’s influence is undeniably evident in each institution we’ve seen.

The only difference between normal initiation and this test seems to be that the students have to find a gold figurine this time around. Though as our trio points out, there’s likely to be other differences as well, otherwise the original Shade students would have a pretty significant advantage.

During all this Velvet remanences about Beacon’s initiation and we learn that Ozpin does, apparently, use the whole ‘Throw you into the woods where you’ll find some relic’ setup each year, as Velvet remembers being “thrown into the air” during hers. She also hits on another concern that hadn’t crossed my mind until now: what if a team includes a new student alongside the “more vocal in harassing recruits from Beacon and Haven?” It might do the Shade students some good to get to know the newcomers, but it’s not the newcomers’ responsibility to teach them some basic respect and kindness.

During all this Rumpole, via a screen, has been explaining how the test will go down. Her little info session concludes with her telling them to “Prepare for drop-off… See you back home soon.” I really like that she used the term “home” here. It says something about how she views the school and her students’ place in it, despite the tough attitude and tougher culture of Vacuo.

Turns out, when Rumpole said drop-off she meant that literally. The floor opens up and we get a mix of some students panicking while others just happily jump out.

Yeet.

Like I said, Ozpin’s influence.

I didn’t understand the panic initially - aren’t landing strategies a basic part of huntsmen training, something everyone (except Jaune) is expected to know coming into a school? Isn’t it at least partway through the year when everyone, even firsties, has had practice at this? - until I remembered Rumpole’s comment about how she hoped everyone remembered to bring their weapons this morning.

…that’s one hell of a lesson. Let’s break this down for a second. Yes, everyone at Shade is expected to carry their weapons at all times, but the meeting that started all this was early in the morning and, far as I can tell, entirely unexpected. ‘Supposed to’ is not the same thing as ‘will,’ especially when one is dealing with college-equivalent students who are still figuring expectations out. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone did leave their weapon behind. So now what? These buses are thousands of feet in the air, dropping students randomly as they jump/fall. If a student did need help how in the world would a professor assist them? Do they just expect other students to help like Pyrrha did for Jaune? It’s possible given that in a moment Octavia will help Velvet despite seeming to dislike her... but that’s not something I’d want to bank on. Whether a student forgot their weapon or has a weapon unsuited to a landing strategy, they’re going to die from this fall. Yeah, yeah, the test is supposed to be deadly, but what’s there to learn then? You’re dead! The lesson ‘Don’t forget your weapon’ or ‘Find a weapon more suited to landing strategies’ will never stick unless there are contingency plans in place to ensure that students survive their first mistakes.

It just all seems kind of flimsy, like everything works out because the plot says it must, not because I believe this in-world setup is geared towards keeping students alive and teaching them how to survive this world. (The reverse of the story conveniently not killing civilians off during a major grimm attack.) If landing strategies are so crucial to a huntsmen’s work - and we see them a lot - why are students allowed to have weapons like Yatsuhashi’s Fulcrum that, far as I can see, provide you with no way of slowing your descent? What if you don’t have a suitable semblance? Or it hasn’t been unlocked yet? What if your weapon would work, theoretically, but you haven’t taken any pictures of other suitable weapons lately (Velvet)? What if you never figure out that there are parachutes on the ship? Unless the instructors have a secret way of saving someone from getting splattered, this seems like a test rife with deadly mistakes, not just encounters. Why not teach your students to carry mini high-tech parachutes on their belts, with weapons and semblances as backups? Incorporate Atlas tech into standard schooling, then give us huntsmen who suddenly have it taken away with the embargo, resulting in a lot of problems. I mean, the students are legit scared in this scene, Velvet included. Having them face deadly grimm is one thing, but why test the odds with a thousand foot plunge when there’s absolutely no reason to? Far as I can see, the schooling isn’t built around ensuring they survive a fall like this - nothing like weapon requirements, or carrying additional gear if you semblance is something like Ren’s - which means making the fall a part of the test itself is... not great.

Which, to be clear, is the fault of the author(s) and how much thought (or not) they’ve put into their fictional school, not the fictional school’s fault because it’s, you know, fictional. Basically, the world building in this series kind of drives me nuts, in case you haven’t noticed lol.

Velvet does find the parachutes, oh so conveniently, and at least has the decency to give one to Sun. Also yeah, kudos for thinking to search for them in the first place. I do like the ‘survival is the only thing that counts’ theme. Cheating, lying, and the like is great when it’s used because the odds are already stacked against you. We get her agreement to try and stick close because remember, there’s nothing like a dangerous situation to remind you to be decent towards someone else. As Velvet magnanimously thinks, “Being with Sun would be better than being alone.”

Okay. Low bar, but okay.

So they fall and we get to hear a fair bit about Vacuo’s history based on what Velvet remembers about each landmark from history class. Honestly, I’m impressed at her recall. I wouldn’t be able to dredge up class notes while falling through the air. We get an abandoned city previously hidden by sand and the somewhat confusing sentence, “These were all that was left of the underground mines, the Drylands, the site of the old Paradise Oasis, long since dried up following Dust mining and the Great War.” Are these three separate places among the rock-less area pockmarked with holes? Or is this a single area of underground mines, called the Drylands (for some reason?), that includes the contrasting place called Paradise Oasis? I’m not sure. The takeaway though is that Velvet hopes Coco isn’t heading to that ambiguously named place because she’s incredibly claustrophobic.

What I find the most informative in all this is the description of the quarries as “physical manifestations of the wounds that still ran deep in the people of Vacuo.” The overall issue of outsiders coming into Vacuo, draining it of its resources, and then taking it back to their own kingdoms (while leaving their trash behind) is the sort of theme significant to our own lives and worthy of examination in fiction… Not saying that RWBY necessarily handles this theme well - especially given the messy conflation of that generational trauma and the awful treatment of any ‘outsider’ who wanders into the kingdom - but I do appreciate when I can see the series trying. Even if it fails, effort is (to an extent) still worth acknowledgement.

What I’m less inclined to praise is the strange follow up of “maybe that was why Rumpole was sending students there.” …what does this mean? Velvet just told us the quarries are the “wounds” of Vacuo, so are they being sent there because they’re dangerous? Because huntsmen will somehow fix this?? Neither of these make sense but I literally don’t know what point Myers is trying to make… which happens a lot. Again, there’s a whole lot of wise-sounding statements in this novel that, at the end of the day, mean very little - if anything at all.

Velvet eventually lands, nearly getting pulled into one of the openings when she can’t get out of her parachute. She’s saved at the last moment by Octavia Ember, a member of Team NDGO. You know, “One of the people she least wanted to run into.” We all knew the moment Velvet worried about running into one of the crueler members of Shade that it would happen.

Their conversation is filled with heartfelt gratitude and riveting greetings:

“Thanks?” Velvet said.

“Whatever.” Octavia sheathed her blade and started walking away. That was more like it.

What is wrong with all of these people? My kingdom for a kind, enthusiastic, non-team exchange!

You know the ‘enemies forced to work together’ conflict couldn’t end there though (a trope I normally love and would likely love here except having Octavia be another stereotypical mean girl was the least innovative choice possible). She and Velvet end up heading towards the same quarry, simply because there’s nothing else for miles around. Velvet displays some quick thinking when she explains that the instructors likely hid the relics in there to ensure they weren’t forever hidden under the sand. Velvet, unlike Yatsuhashi, has also realized that there’s more to the test than just their fighting skills. They’ll be graded on everything, “Including how we treat each other.” I’m always appreciative of characters who use their brains as much as their brawns.

Perhaps that not-so-subtle nudge resonated with Octavia because she opens up a bit. By this I mean she moves from “Whatever” to telling Velvet the traumatizing story of how she lost a third of her clan to Blind Worms in one of these quarries. Okay. That’s a complete 180, but I’ll take it. Velvet continues to have supposed insights about the Vacuans like, ‘Maybe they don’t cry because that’s a waste of water?’ and ‘Maybe they hate everyone on principal because of the past?’ and ‘I guess bullying is just something you’re supposed to survive out here’ (um… no.) In Velvet - and Myers’ - defense she acknowledges that none of these explanations excuse their actions… but I’m not so sure it explains them either. A few chapters ago we were hammering home how teens don’t have an emotional connection to their past, despite it not actually being that long ago (recall Coco’s conversation with Rumpole in class), but now we’re supposed to believe that all of these teens reject newcomers because of stuff that happened during a war they weren’t alive for? Also, I’m neither a doctor nor an anthropologist, but the concept of a desert people refusing to cry because it’s a waste of water - especially in an otherwise advanced civilization - seems suspect. I can buy someone being unable to cry because they’re currently dehydrated, but a whole culture denying themselves this outlet when most of them don’t actually lack water anymore is odd.

Granted, culture isn’t always logical. Case in point: memes. So let’s give that a pass.

However, we’ve still got the issue of continuity across paragraphs. First Velvet is smug because she’s a better climber than Octavia. Then Octavia is ahead and supposedly annoyed that Velvet was slowing her down. It’s unclear when, or if, they’ve finished climbing at this point and a second later Octavia is climbing a tree - why didn’t Velvet do that? Really, I lay little blips like this at the feet of the editors, not the author(s), simply because as an author I know precisely how easy it is to lose track of every detail you’ve introduced. It becomes obvious to the reader when things don’t quite align, but it will often go unnoticed by the writer - like typos. (RIP my own work.) Which is why you need that second perspective to not just catch the big mistakes, but tweak all the smaller ones too. RWBY is now a part of WarnerMedia and Before the Dawn was published by Scholastic. There’s a standard here I don’t think either is meeting.

As said previously though, Octavia climbs a tree because Velvet - with faunus eyes - spotted a trinket the others had missed. Octavia falls, Velvet catches her, and a whole swarm of Ravagers show up, which seem to be a bat-like grimm. Nice. My gothic, vampire, Stellaluna loving ass can get behind that.

Behold: my childhood.

They make a run for it and we - finally - get some solidarity as Octavia admits that the relic is technically Velvet’s and Velvet wonders in turn if they can share it. I offered my kingdom for a kind exchange and I got it! Hurray! More importantly, apparently that is an option because the airbus coordinates have shown up on both their scrolls. I’m not going to pretend that I understand how that tech works, but that’s a level of world building we don’t actually need. Not unless the hypothetical of students piggybacking on another’s relic is a part of the evaluation.

I love that Velvet used her camera flash to scare off the Ravager in their way. That’s a fantastic twist on the ‘Velvet will use her semblance and impress Octavia’ expectation as well as a great way to demonstrate that she is a formidable fighter, capable of paying attention to her situation/surroundings and responding accordingly.

There are more Ravagers though, incoming Blind Worms, an avalanche… and the airbus. A narrow escape indeed. Octavia drops that attention-catching, “Thank the Brothers” as they reach safety.

Going back to my earlier point about Shade seeming happy to kill its kids, apparently Velvet and Octavia were the last to reach the bus and Sun told the pilot to wait. That says good things about Sun, but horrible things about the test. If Sun hadn’t insisted on staying would Octavia and Velvet have had a way out? Why in the world wasn’t the pilot told to wait longer?? The whole timeline is confusing, with Sun and Velvet leaving the airship only a short time after everyone else, but it looks like the whole group was way ahead of them (the quarry is empty of both relics and people by the time they arrive), except Sun managed to get super far ahead of Velvet somehow, and their pilot was apparently working under an unspoken deadline… I’m just taking information at face value because if you try to piece it all together, good luck.

Also sorry, but I straight up laughed at Sun’s “You woke up the Ravagers. And you lived to tell the tale.” That is so unnecessarily dramatic. Oh no. Not the Ravagers. Literally the first thing I thought of was some B horror movie like

Coming only to a streaming service near your couch because we’re still living through a pandemic. Wear your masks, friends!

Back to this very entertaining reaction. Sun, you and Velvet have both taken out Atlesian knights, you fought a gigantic sea monster with Blake, and Velvet just bypassed a nest of Ravagers with a simple bright light. If RWBY is going to randomly try and make the grimm threatening again, do it with stuff that actually reads as a significant threat to these fighters. After you’ve got your first years blasting through (Yang) and riding (Nora) bear grimm at initiation, a couple of bat grimm just doesn’t cut it.

Moving on, Velvet’s iffy perspective rears its head once more as she thinks, “What if Sun had passed by the trinket in the tree, knowing it would be too dangerous to retrieve it? She and Octavia had not had that luxury.”

There’s a lot wrong with this theory:

How do you know Sun has better vision, even as a fellow faunus? As Volume 7’s Tyrian attack brought to the surface, supposedly not every faunus has that advantage.

Velvet straight up says that she wasn’t able to see the Ravagers, otherwise she would have warned Octavia about them. The whole point is that they startled her and she fell. So what, Sun not only has faunus vision but better than Velvet’s? (Do monkeys have better vision than rabbits? I have no idea, but this is the kind of stuff I would google if I wanted to potentially draw attention to it in my book).

If that trinket was too dangerous to retrieve, why did the instructors put it there in the first place? Fox mentioned things being unfair with his lack of sight, but that’s a pretty big difference: easy grabs in a supposedly abandoned quarry vs. a grab that wakes up the whole nest of grimm.

“She and Octavia had not had that luxury” why does this sound like another dig at Sun? Like it’s worth criticizing that he… got there first? Got lucky with the relics closer to the floor? Probably because everything is a dig at Sun in this book, including Velvet’s surprise that he might have “respect in his eyes.” Velvet! He was just asking about you, made the bus wait, and has always worn his heart on his sleeve! Sun’s respect/care is not in question, only how he chooses (at times) to display it.

Not that the story seems to get that. We can’t work through Sun’s questionable choices if we’re stuck in this never ending loop of ‘He’s so annoying/incompetent/willfully cruel’ into ‘Hark! is that a positive trait I see?’ and then back to ‘Never mind he’s awful.’ Maybe Velvet’s pride at his reaction to the Ravagers will finally move things forward.

Which is where we leave off. The airbus scares off the other Ravagers with its guns, the group heads back towards Shade (or a second part of the test? That did feel too much like a normal initiation to be fair), and Velvet ends with the equally dramatic line, “The initiation ritual had been hard and almost deadly, and even worse was yet to come: the assignment of the new teams.”

I have to say though, that is the most teen-accurate thought I’ve seen so far. An 18 year old would be more scared of their team social life than getting eaten by a monster lol.

On that note, drop a comment or an ask if you feel like being social yourself and I’ll see you during the next burst of NaNoWriMo energy! 💜

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#rwby #BTD Recaps #Before the Dawn #mymetas

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bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years

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Series Review Pt. 1/3

So, this isn’t even a YouTube video where you have the advantage of hearing a voice over a recording with snappy editing to lighten the mood or convey feeling; but believe me that there was a lot of earnest sincerity put into the review this time around.

But before I put the rest of it under the cut, there are some corrections/clarifications I want to put down about my last review that I believe we're significant shortcomings on my part.

My first, and probably most MAJOR goof was my choice of words in trying to describe the scene with Hawks and Twice at the end of 263 - “ he clearly hasn’t killed Twice yet, and we don’t know why, but if he has to he’s prepared to do so without hesitation or remorse.”

BIG OOF. I hadn’t even been looking much at others’ opinions and the common-enough impression that Hawks doesn’t care about Twice at all/is incapable of empathy/ONLY concerned with his mission from the Commission. When I looked back at my own review, though I didn’t have any indication anyone believed I was one of those people (“without remorse” being the problematic phrase in question), I could easily see how others could get the impression and decided to wait until the next review to do a better job instead of just saying I would. My views on that particular scene will be clear later on, but at least that’s out of the way in case that was keeping people from reading this in the first place.

Second, I failed to arrange my observation points in a more ideal order. If anything, the fact that we were seeing that last page from Twice’s perspective should have been the first point. This mistake made it sound like a neutral assessment of the situation instead of an observation through the context of Jin's feelings. This ended up confusing even myself, as someone who usually writes these reviews solo, into forgetting to factor in that Twice's perspective may be warping the perception of Hawks guarding him into one of intent to kill while forgetting that the Hero Code forbids killing others unless it's truly a necessary last resort. For some reason, Sad Man's Parade and Twice's two-double limit also slipped my mind which brings me to the last point.

Third, I rushed things. When I rush, I make mistakes, sometimes pretty sloppy ones. It has been a ROUGH couple of weeks to be a Hawks or villain stan, even more so if you’re both, so for some reason I felt like I needed to get my thoughts out there quickly. I don’t have any kind of real incentive to do so other than a faster response - I don’t make any money off this, don’t have any relevance algorithm to feed as if I was on YouTube or Twitter, and I’m not the only half-decently known blog to hold these opinions so I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s my problem, but that doesn’t mean I have to make it anyone else’s.

For complete transparency, I’ve been reading and re-reading through the entire series canon again, starting with Hawks’ manga debut, and reviewing the entire series’ events and in-universe history, and have been taking literal whole pages of notes and drafts since Thursday the 12th. I’m glad I did because it brought to mind things that often get left out of pockets of fandom discussion who hyper-focus on their circles of interest while forgetting that each individual section is meant to work with the whole.

That’s what we’ll be working with today, and additional thanks goes to @baezetsu and @dorito9708 for volunteering as proofreaders and editors to make this more focused and concise. If you’re interested please keep reading. A fair warning, this is what we in the professional field call a “long-ass post, no seriously guys grab a drink and a snack we’re gonna be here a while.” It's actually so long I have to split it up into parts because Tumblr Mobile is stupid and doesn't like making the "read more" function available to the mobile version.

So here we go, people, let’s try this again one last time…

Where we’re at in Chapter 264 (or at least, you know, ignoring literally everyone in the series that isn’t these two) is Twice and Hawks’ confrontation in the study room; but let’s put a pin in that for now and come back.

The biggest piece of information to keep in mind is that even though both these characters are currently front-and-center and have major plot and symbolic value in the series, they are still not the main characters. Their conflict is also not the central conflict. Let’s zoom out to the big picture and see what happens when we put everything together at the end.

The whole inciting incident of the series is when humanity began to display superhuman abilities in a few random individuals. These abilities are neither inherently good or bad - they are constantly intended as neutral with the potential being dependent on the user. Eventually these abilities began to be collectively termed as “quirks” - literally just a single facet of each person’s unique identity. From a social commentary standpoint, quirks have been used as a narrative stand-in for the unique situational circumstances or combinations of circumstances individuals may find themselves with that are either mostly or completely outside of their control like aptitude, physical ability, race/appearance, mental state, and inherited societal station. While more of these examples have been explicitly stated and inserted into the story later on, quirks still serve as the main catalyst and lens by which these topics are discussed.

Because of the initially new and unfamiliar nature of these abilities, people who possessed them faced descrimination and persecution despite having no say in whether or not they had them; and some who did possess these abilities began abusing their power. Taking advantage of this, a man calling himself One-for-All took unwanted quirks from people and redistributed them claiming to want to help others and bring about peace but merely wished to amass power and a following for his own gain. Morally upright individuals eventually rose to the occasion and placed themselves between innocent bystanders and evildoers, earning no official reward or compensation for their work, though eventually they became so effective that they became recognized and endorsed if they went through proper governmental training and channels. These endorsed specialty crime fighters came to be dubbed “heroes.”

All-For-One had risen to prominence by this point and his loyal following actively supported him in his now blatant criminal empire despite the morally reprehensible actions he committed which incessantly terrorized innocent bystanders - earning him the title Symbol of Evil or Symbol of Fear. Eventually a hero named All Might rose up to specifically deal with All-For-One’s reign of terror, having worked his way up from obscurity taking down criminals and saving civilians in unprecedented numbers, determined to create a world where everyone could feel safe in the face of danger. Though only succeeding in beating AFO into hiding All Might ushered in a new era of safety and prosperity earning him the title Symbol of Peace.

Therein lies the central message - “It’s not the situation you’re given that determines your worth or potential but what you choose to do with it” - and the main conflict is - “I want to use what I’ve been given for my own benefit" vs "I want to use what I’ve been given for others.” Deku and Shiguraki are merely the next generation iteration of this conflict distilled down to their simplest essence. Deku's desire is to save anyone who needs help the moment he realizes they need it. Shiguraki wants to remove people's sense of security regardless of their character or situation.

This conflict is initially framed as simple - a clear black and white/good and bad dynamic that’s easy to see from a distance; but as characters and groups developed over time it’s become more and more difficult to tell the two sides apart. It was not a coincidence that immediately after introducing the clear-as-day bad guys to the series we were presented with the idea that who we perceived to be “good guys” could be bad people doing good things or that people could do good things for the wrong reasons when we were presented with the personal conflicts that Bakugo, Shinsou, and Todoroki all faced at the Sports Festival that were either their internal struggles with the way the were perceived by others or were their personal struggles with the way they perceived themselves. Immediately after that, we were introduced to Stain's criticism of modern heroes and shown who would come to be the core members of the League of Villains.

At the current events in the series we’ve waded through so many shades of grey we’re expected to determine who’s a “hero” and “villain” not by what they say but what they do, how they do it, and why they do it. The individual members of the League of Villains touch on various ways a person might be driven to a life dedicated either to the pursuit of personal satisfaction with no concern to others or to the active pursuit of destroying others, and generally the villains are some of the most morally gray characters we have in the series, though not all of them - the two most notable morally gray “good guys” are Hawks and Endeavor.

There’s one last thing to note about how the series chooses to distinguish morally gray characters as “good” and “bad,” and that ultimately boils down to the choices they make with the hand they are dealt - that being to help or to harm others. This is not quite the same thing as a “hero” and a “villian” (I know, as if it wasn’t confusing enough), but the series has now gone to great lengths to make a clear distinction between the ideals of heroism and the institution of heroism.

Looking at the difference in institutions and ideals as the series presents them we get a better picture of the actual core issues the series seeks to address. The institution of heroism is a utilitarian approach to maintaining a sense of order and safety, and it does so by incentivising people to resolve as many public altercations as possible in exchange for wealth and fame. Criminals are those who break the law regardless of the motivation for the crime or its degree of impact. The institution does not take into account factors that may drive someone to commit a crime nor is it concerned with the core motivations of those enforcing the sense of order.

On the opposite hand, the ideal of heroism offers no reward, no recognition, may require some amount of suffering on the part of the hero, and never guarantees that the victim in question will be saved. Conversely, villainy/evil is any action taken for one's own gain with zero regard to the impact on others and/or is any action committed with malicious intent. These definitions are about moral obligation and human to human connection.

While having a strong correlation (helping others because it's right usually helps the majority in the long run, and doing harm is often ultimately bad for the majority) these two schools of thought are able to function independently of each other. In other words, a criminal can be a good person fallen on hard times (like stealing food to feed their family, but only as much as they need from someone who won’t notice it missing) while a “professional hero” can be an evil person doing good things for the wrong reasons (like obsessing over gaining wealth and popularity with no mind to collateral damage they may cause). Most characters are categorized and even described in-universe as morally aligning with the institution they associate with; but several have been explicitly noted as exceptions to the rule such as Gentle Criminal and La Brava, Endeavor, and Twice.

Are we properly confused yet? Great, because there’s one more layer to consider! What do we make of someone who is trying to do a good thing (like saving as many people as possible from a known threat) but to do so has to make a choice that might leave a few people in the fire? Which outcome do we use to decide if this is a good person or a bad one? Do we judge based on intent or on the outcome?

Now we zoom back in to Hawks and Twice, but we’ll pick that up in Part Two.

Part Three

#bnha meta #mha meta #BNHA Chapter 264 #MHA Chapter 264 #BNHA spoilers #MHA spoilers #long post

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lovelylogans · 5 years

Text

my eyes are wide to all your lies (’cause you’re not that discreet)

ao3 | read my other fics | coffee?

warnings: food mentions, mentions of getting rid/lessening anxiety, human experimentation (not as dark as it sounds, but still figured a warning would be good), fusion, deceit

pairings: royality

words: 6,269

notes: april fools, i got you! and now i present the idea that warranted my first block in four years of internet friendship and had me cackling in unholy, childish glee the whole time i was plotting and writing it: it’s a phineas and ferb au! yeah, you read that right. title from “busted” from phineas and ferb.

There was one hundred and four days of summer vacation before school came along just to end it.

So the annual problem that the Sanders-Prince brothers had was finding a new way to spend it. They’d built rockets, fought mummies, climbed up the Eiffel tower, discovered things that didn’t exist, given monkeys showers. They’d surfed tidal wives, created nanobots, located Frankenstein’s brain. They’d found a dodo bird, painted a continent, and driven their brother insane.

The question that was posed every day over toast-with-heaps-of-jam then had to be posed:

“Logan, what are we gonna do today?”

Logan Sanders nudged his glasses up his nose with a thoughtful expression. Logan had the expression of the teacher’s pet, the nerd that never got in trouble beyond perhaps reading during class, or correcting a teacher, but behind that calm, know-it-all expression and dorky glasses laid a mad scientist who had not yet graduated high school.

“We could recreate Tesla’s death ray again,” he suggested mildly.

“Logan, we did that three weeks ago.” Roman groaned. “No doing things again! It has to be bigger, better, bolder, newer.”

Roman Prince, on the other hand, had the exact look of a troublemaker that tended to have teachers hollering “Put that away!” and “Prince, principal’s office!” and got him parked in the front row of the room before he could scoot off to the back (usually next to his stepbrother, which compounded the problems, not that Logan would ever let himself get caught.) He gladly lived up to the reputation and strove for each spectacle to be bigger and grander than the last.

“Mom!” Virgil exclaimed, eyes huge, made to seem even wider by the dark eyeshadow smeared beneath them.

Their older brother (or stepbrother, to Roman) Virgil Sanders, had the exact face of a punk-rock emo kid, the sort of boy who skipped school and missed curfew and never cared. In actuality, he was kind of a tattletale, or perhaps more like the boy in back who muttered “I don’t know about this guys” while the other kids were doing things like experimenting with fireworks that they’d stolen from their older brother’s stash. Virgil’s ongoing pursuit of the summer was to catch Roman and Logan in the middle of one of their dangerous plots, which would surely end in their serious injuries and or deaths I know I look like the bad guy but you two have to be safe okay you could get seriously hurt or seriously DEAD do you understand me Roman and Logan D-E-A-D dead!

“That’s nice, dear,” Caroline Sanders-Prince said absently from where she was at the stove. Virgil groaned and put his head down on the table, floppy bangs narrowly missing the butter dish.

“Why do I even bother,” Virgil grumbled.

Roman batted his eyelashes at his stepbrother. “Because you love us?”

“Gross,” Logan muttered, from behind a thick tome entitled Understanding Chinese Engineering Doctoral Students in U.S. Institutions: A Personal Epistemology Perspective that he’d pulled from nowhere, because he was a boy genius who read books with very long titles like that. “Emotions.”

“Gross,” Virgil snapped. “Mom, Roman has the platypus on the table!”

“That’s nice, dear.”

“Aw, Deceit wouldn’t do anything, would he?” Roman crooned to their pet platypus, inexplicably named Deceit, who knickered at Virgil dutifully. Virgil pulled a face at him, because he did not trust that platypus.

“He just wants some bacon!” Roman exclaimed.

“Can platypuses have bacon?”

“Platypi,” the book corrected from where Logan’s face had been. “They’re technically carnivorous, so—yes. He’d probably prefer larvae or freshwater shrimp, though.”

“Gross,” Roman said, as he ensured Deceit had all the bacon he wanted and lowered him back onto the floor. “And so not the point! Logan! We have to figure out what to do today!”

The brothers continued to bicker, not noticing as Deceit the platypus crept outside, looked around, and pulled on his hat before entering into the secret chute that would catapult him to his day job: an animal agent for the OWCA, protecting the tri-state area from one inator-enamored mad scientist at a time.

“More Tesla?”

“Logan. We spent all of that week. On Tesla. We have to do something fresh! Something bold! Something we invent!”

“I still can’t believe you invented a death ray and you thought that was a good idea,” Virgil said, ready to work himself up into an anxiety-induced tizzy. “It’s a DEATH ray, death is right there in the name!”

Logan frowned at him over the pages of his book, which he was somehow halfway through already. “We wouldn’t have killed people,” he said. “Flies, probably. Or mosquitoes. Most likely.”

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better,” Virgil said. “Thanks, a death ray for flies or mosquitoes, most likely! What could have possibly gone wrong?!”

“How is it possible for you to worry so much?” Roman said, from where he was constructing an elaborate toast-tower with the remaining slices they hadn’t eaten, yet. He was currently sealing together the walls with jam and carefully carving out the windows for the tiny toast-people to survey their kitchen table kingdom. “I never worry so much.”

“Yeah, I worry enough for you, and Logan, and your little scout friend,” Virgil grumbled. “I have all the anxiety of this neighborhood combined into one person.”

Roman perked up, nearly sending a tiny toast-family sprawling. “Hang on, what did you just say?”

“Oh,” Virgil said, because he knew his stepbrother well enough to see his “new idea! new idea!” face, and he also knew him well enough to fear it. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes,” Roman said gleefully. “Logan! I know what we’re gonna do today!”

“Run me through it again.”

Roman sighed loudly from where he was stationed in a treetop, twisting a screw carefully into place. Half of Logan’s body was underneath their latest monstrous machine.

“Okay. So. The basic plan is, we’re going to see if we can put you in this machine to ease out some of your worries, your fears—enough so that it doesn’t overwhelm you constantly, not too much to change who you are as a person,” Roman began. “And if you hate it, we can reverse it, no problem.”

“When you say basic plan,” Virgil said apprehensively, and Logan rolled partially out from under the machine, lifting the welding mask off his face so that he could squint at Virgil, looking strange without his glasses.

“Without the scientific explanations that would inevitably confuse those of lesser intelligence.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“You know what he means,” Roman said, and then, “Oh, God, here he comes, quick, I—“

Roman made a half-aborted gesture as if to climb down the tree, and then hastily redirected his energy toward straightening his shirt, patting his hair into place, and setting up the most swaggeringly handsome pose he could manage in a tree. Virgil, looking down the street, tried his best to hide his smirk.

Patton Hart had lived down the street since they’d moved in after their parents got married, and his crush on Roman had ignited not long after the first box was taken off the truck. Patton Hart had the exact face that had teachers picking him for messenger duty, to guide a new kid around the school, or to provide a good face for the school—if he hadn’t volunteered for it already. He had quite the sprawl of extracurriculars under his belt, including, amongst others, Knitting Club, Baking Club, Pun Appreciation Club, and, most notably, leader of the Fireside Scouts—as noted by his constant orange sash that clashed horribly with his usual blue polo and gray hoodie.

The mutual crushes were a subject of constant private heckling between Logan and Virgil at Roman, and it would have been proven to further public mocking if Patton wasn’t so deeply, genuinely nice.

Patton bounced into the yard, beaming. “Hi, Virgil!”

“Hey, Patton,” Virgil said gruffly. (Patton had even charmed Virgil, a feat which back in the feuding-stepsibling days had stunned Roman to no end.)

“Hi, Roman,” he said, grinning up the tree at Roman, batting his eyelashes. “Whatcha dooo-in’?”

“Hey, Patton,” Roman said. “We’re trying to see if we can make Virgil less scared all the time without erasing who he is as a person.”

Patton flopped out on the sun-soaked grass that was trying valiantly to live in the drought of summer. “Sounds hard, but if anyone can do it, it’s you two. Hi, Logan,” he added to Logan’s knees.

Logan grunted and extended a hand out from under the machine. “Round-nose pliers.”

Patton cheerfully plucked the necessary tool from the expansive kit (tool-fetcher for the Sanders-Prince brothers was an unofficial but important extracurricular of his, one that he’d considered making a badge for) but held it in his hands, not yet handing it over. “What’s the magic word?”

“There’s no such thing as magic.”

“Logan.”

Logan let out a long-suffering sigh that he was probably extending, to compensate for the lack of eye contact, which meant no eyeroll. “Please pass the round-nose pliers.”

“Sure thing!” Patton said, carefully placing them in his hand, only to watch his arm disappear back under the machine.

Roman had managed to get down from the tree, and hastily straightened out his shirt before he leaned against the machine in a way that could not, in any universe, pass as casual. Virgil rolled his eyes and instead resorted to picking at the latest rip in his jeans rather than focus on any of the big and admittedly very scary-looking machine that would somehow help his anxiety.

Shouldn’t it be, like, painted with sunshine and daisies or something, not just some kind of metallic alloy? If it was about taking away fear?

“I’m telling Mom,” Virgil said, mostly out of routine at this point.

“Aren’t you involved today?” Roman said. “And therefore, you’d get in trouble too, so—”

“It’s not about trouble,” Virgil said irritably. “It’s about—it’s about danger. You can’t just keep ramping up experiments without safety measures and without making detailed plans or prototypes or something that you run through any potential side effects or faults that would happen, you could get hurt badly, you could hurt someone else, you could—”

Logan had wheeled himself out from under the machine, removing the mask, and his stare was so knowing that Virgil clamped his mouth shut, looking at a patch of brown grass that wasn’t quite in the reach of the sprinkler.

“We aren’t Dad, Virgil.”

Logan’s voice was pitched low, almost kind, and Virgil screwed his eyes shut.

“Hey,” Roman said, blessedly oblivious as always, “where’s Deceit?”

Deceit was currently parachuting his way onto the balcony of his nemesis’ secret evil lair/tower. As a platypus without opposable thumbs, this was more difficult than most would think.

Especially when a platypus without opposable thumbs was dodging a series of dodgy traps, only to stumble into a table where his nemesis had set up tea.

“Oh. Deceit the platypus, there you are,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. “You’re late, and as such, I have revoked your access to cucumber sandwiches!”

Deceit stared at him blankly.

“Oh, I just can’t resist that face,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. “Fine, catch!”

Dr. Doofenshmirtz hurled a cucumber sandwich directly at Deceit’s beak like the world’s tiniest, most confusing projectile, which hit his beak, and then expanded outward into a series of wires and cables, snaring Deceit against the wall.

“And now that you are trapped, I shall explain my evil plan!” He said gleefully.

Deceit let out the platypus equivalent of a sigh, tipping his head back to the ceiling.

“Okay, that should be the last of it,” Roman said, stepping back and wiping his brow free of sweat. Virgil, who had long since retreated to the shade of underneath a tree, grimaced at the machine, and began picking at his freshly-painted black fingernails with a renewed sense of fervor. There were already tiny chips of black littered around him in the dirt.

Patton proffered a little tray of lemonade, and Roman perked up.

“Oh, hey, thanks, Patton!” He said happily, picking up the ice-cold glass and pressing it against his forehead for a moment, before taking a healthy gulp from the red-and-white striped straw.

“Logan, Virgil?” Patton offered, lifting the tray. “I have cookies too.”

There was a brief break as everything went snack-crazed for a bit, the boys bumping into each other and elbowing each other aside as they took their cookies of preference.

“So,” Patton said, taking his own sip of his lemonade (blue-and-white striped straw) “Virgil goes in there, you press that switch, and he’ll just... he’ll be less worried about things?”

“Well—” Logan began, but Roman broke in, smiling winningly at Patton.

“Essentially, yep!”

“Well,” Logan repeated, “Actually, Patton, I was surveying the mechanics, and it could potentially be aided if someone who produced... less worry and had a... how should we say, sunnier outlook on life stepped into the machine, too.”

Patton blinked at him, and Virgil was already surging toward the machine, spreading his arms, as if to bar anyone from approaching it.

“No. No way,” Virgil declared immediately. “It’s bad enough that you looped me into this plan, but there’s no way that you’re bringing Patton into it too!”

“Patton joins our plans daily,” Roman pointed out. “Honestly, it’s really more of a shock that you joined in, Fret-a-lot-saw.”

Virgil squinted at him. “Are you calling me a tool?”

“Shucks, kiddo, if it’ll help, I’m helping,” Patton said, setting aside his lemonade.

Virgil was already shaking his head again, eyes wild, like a spooked horse.

“Why did I even let you get this far?” He asked himself. “Forget it! I’m going to tell Mom, and she’ll—”

“—say that’s nice dear without looking up from whatever else is taking her attention?” Logan asked archly.

“Fine,” Virgil said, undeterred. “Roman’s Dad, then.”

“It’s baseball season, no chance,” Roman said with a shrug.

“The police, then! The FBI! Anything!” Virgil said. “You two need a wake-up call, okay?! And apparently I’m the only one who’s gonna give it to you!”

“This is why you need the machine,” Roman said, and spread his hands. “Look around! You are literally the only one who is so freaked out about this.”

“Because no one else has common sense!”

“Because everyone else knows we can do it and doesn’t treat us like we can’t!” Roman snapped, and immediately shut his mouth, going bright red. “Um, I mean—I mean, obviously, more like haha, of course we can do it! Because we’re so smart and handsome and—”

Virgil hesitated, and lowered his arms to cross them over his chest. “I didn’t say you couldn’t do it,” he admitted grudgingly.

“Yeah, well, you act like anything we make will inevitably blow up a lot more than someone who thinks we can,” Roman grumbled, scuffing a sneaker over the grass.

“Because that happens, Roman! Even to really, really experienced inventors. Besides, aren’t you a little young to be making crazy inventions in the backyard every day?”

“Yes,” Roman said, jutting his chin up proudly. “Yes I am.”

Logan sighed. “We’ve run tests, we’ve made prototypes, will you please just step into the machine? This whole—” Logan gestured broadly with his hand, nose wrinkling, “emotional outburst thing is part of the whole reason we made it.”

Virgil hesitated even more.

“It can’t hurt to just try, can it?” Patton said, and proffered his hand. “Look, I’ll step in with you. It looks kinda scary.”

Virgil hesitated, licked his lips, and said, “You’re sure about this?”

“Positive,” Logan said, shoving Patton toward him, and hissing in his ear, “Quick, before he changes his mind.”

Patton shot him a fondly exasperated look, before taking Virgil’s hand. Roman glowered at their joined hands for a moment.

Virgil let out a slow breath, and his knuckles went white from how tightly he was squeezing Patton’s hand. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

“On it,” Patton said, and ducked through first, Virgil shooting a last look that seemed to say help to Logan, before following.

“All right!” Roman whooped, racing over to the machine. “Okay, power on, levels stable... you two ready?”

“I guess,” Virgil grumbled, as Patton chirped, “Yep!”

“Less worry, here we come!” Roman trilled, and flipped the switch.

A veritable lightshow ensued and the machine flared, and smoked, and sparked, as Roman and Logan hastily stepped back.

Roman leaned into his ear, shouting to be heard over the machine. “We are sure about this, right?”

“About 85% sure, yes. Perhaps 80%. 65% sure, at lowest. Probably.”

“Good enough for me,” Roman said, and returned his gaze to the machine just in time for the light and noise to die down.

“All right, Virgil, how are we feeling?” Roman called out. “Less inclined to bust us all the time? Maybe relaxed enough to, like, let us keep experimenting with death rays?”

There was no response.

Roman and Logan both frowned.

“Patton?” Roman called, a little more desperate. “Hey, sweet-Hart, you okay in there?”

“Um,” a voice floated out from the machine that neither of them had ever heard before, and yet was inherently familiar, “you guys?”

Deceit tuned back in, perfectly timed to excise the Tragic Backstory but to get the full effect of the eventual evil plan of the day.

It had taken years of practice.

“—to make everyone as fearful as I was that day in the checkout line!”

Deceit stared at the massive device cloaked by a sheet.

“Yes, that’s right, Deceit the platypus,” he said gleefully, and whipped off the sheet. “Behold! The Frighteninator!”

Deceit began to work against the bonds, wondering idly if he would break his record of forty-one seconds—very impressive, for a platypus without opposable thumbs, if you asked him.

“Yes, soon the whole tri-state area shall tremble in fear, and therefore, I will be able to easily subjugate them and become emperor of the tri-state area!”

Roman was still waving the smoke out of his face when a silhouette stepped free from the machine, seeming close to stumbling before holding out its arms to keep its balance.

Well. That wasn’t right.

“What,” the voice asked, in that same foreign-familiar tone, “just happened?”

“Oh, excellent,” Logan said, peering closer at the silhouette.

“No, not excellent!” The silhouette wailed and at last the smoke cleared, revealing—

Well, at first Roman wasn’t really sure.

It looked sort of like a person, if not for the extra set of arms protruding at the waist. Their eyes had a huge pair of round glasses set in front of it, but the bags underneath them were pronounced and darker than Roman had ever seen on an actual person. Their polo was stitched in an odd amalgamation of blue, gray, purple, and black, mixing plaid with solid color, and there was an odd sash that—

Oh.

Oh, wow.

“I dunno,” the stranger said cheerfully, “I think it’s kinda neat! Imagine all the cool stuff we can do with four arms!”

“Virgil?” Logan said, at the same time Roman said, “Patton?”

“Yes,” the voice answered—and that was why it sounded so strange, so familiar—

It was both of their voices at once.

“You,” the creature glowered. “are gonna get so—!”

“—famous, from all that nifty inventing you guys do!” the creature finished.

No, not a creature. It was Virgil and Patton. Patton and Virgil? Patton-and-Virgil, Virgil-and-Patton? God, his stepbrother had fused with his crush, he was so used to weird days (most of them he was responsible for) but this was so weird.

“You’ve fused!” Logan said gleefully.

“This was not in your plan!” Virgil—or at least, the part of him that was Virgil—cried out.

“Well, we thought it might be a side effect,” Roman admitted. “But hey! Take a few steps, swing your arms around, tell us how you feel, this was definitely on the to-do list, and now I don’t have to deal with any of Logan’s nerdiness infecting me.”

Logan threw a wrench at him half-heartedly and Roman ducked—a well-practiced maneuver.

“Why’ve I got four arms?” the creature said, taking a hobbling step forward, flexing its two right hands. “I mean, all the more stuff I could do with it, probably—Virgil, you’re left-handed, aren’t you?”

The two left arms stretched, almost sulkily. Roman hadn’t known that an arm could stretch sulkily, but leave it to Virgil.

“Fascinating,” Logan breathed, digging hastily and coming up with a legal pad and a pen. “How do you feel? Do you still feel essentially separate, or do you find yourself more as a cohesive, singular unit?”

“I,” the creature said, and then it frowned. “I dunno, I guess? I’m—we’re?—feeling a bit more like one unit the longer we stick together, I think. We think?”

“Singular pronouns, I think,” Logan said, taking notes hastily. “Male ones. As to the four arms question—”

“Forget that,” Roman said. “What do we even call you?”

“Hm,” The creature said, one of its right hands coming up to frame under its chin. “I dunno. Pattil? Virgin?”

Roman snorted a laugh, and the creature slanted a look at him that was distinctly Patton.

“Why’s that funny?”

“It—uh—it isn’t,” Roman admitted sheepishly. “Sorry. Um... how about Moxie? Like, you got moxie, kid, Moxie.”

“Moxie,” they—he—said. “Okay! Sure, sounds cool.”

“How’s it going, though?” Roman said. “Less worried? More worried? Still freaking out about having double the amount of arms as usual?”

Moxie frowned for a second, and then his eyes went far away.

“Oh,” he said, tone equally far away, splitting into two—distinctly Virgil and Patton speaking in unison. “Oh. I can feel what you’re feeling.”

“Is that... good?” Roman asked, but then Moxie wrapped all four arms around himself, as if giving himself a hug.

“Do I want a cookie?” Moxie mumbled to himself, and snorted as if he had made a joke.

“Perhaps that would be good, I’d imagine transfusing into a new form would burn calories,” Logan said. “Plus, I’d like to see your finer motor control.”

Roman picked up the tray, offering it, and Moxie took a few shambling steps closer, eyes squinted in focus, a set of arms spread to keep his balance.

“Hmm,” Moxie said, and then the right hand lunged forward, nearly knocking the tray over, before squeaking, “Sorry!”

“That’s okay,” Roman said. “New body. Also, can I tell you how weird it is that my friend and my stepbrother are combined into one person now?”

“It’s feeling less and less weird,” Moxie mused, before more carefully reaching and taking a cookie. “Thanks.”

Roman smiled at Moxie. Inexplicably, Moxie blushed, and then Moxie scowled, and then Moxie shoved the cookie into his mouth whole.

“Was that on purpose?” Logan asked mildly, who had not stopped scribbling.

“Mmmhmmm,” he said, trying his hardest not to spew crumbs. “Hungfwy.”

Logan nodded, marking something specifically. “Patton, what did you eat for breakfast? I’m curious as to how many calories this burns.”

“He didn’t,” Moxie blurted out, and then a right hand clapped over his mouth.

“Patton-cakes!” Roman scolded. “For all the times you talk to me about balanced eating!”

“That would explain it,” Logan said. “Take another cookie. Left hand, this time.”

Moxie reached forward with his left hand, taking another cookie, not even knocking over the tray this time.

“Oh, yeah,” Moxie added, “I feel less worried, but I... feel. A lot. So.”

He took another big bite of a cookie.

“So,” Roman said. “Um. Now that we have a fusion machine... what now?”

Roman and Logan exchanged a grin, and Moxie looked nervous for a second, before he grinned, too.

“—what?! Deceit the platypus?!?! How could you have possibly freed yourself from that cucumber sandwich?!”

Deceit held up his OWCA-issue pocketknife in answer.

“Curse you, Deceit the platypus!”

Deceit leapt, and smacked Dr. Doofenshmirtz across the face with his beaver tail.

Virgil had gone inside with the excuse of fixing Patton a plate of some leftover breakfast, but also mostly to avoid the light-and-smokeshow of the machine as Roman and Patton sequestered themselves in the machine.

It hadn’t quite died down by the time Virgil came out, awkwardly holding a plate.

“So,” Logan said, making a table on the notepad, “how long into the fusion do you think it’ll be before one of them gives themself away?”

Virgil snorted. “Five seconds.”

Logan sighed in relief. “I’ve been very tired of hearing about how Patton’s hair shines in the sun. Or about how his eyes sparkle when he laughs. Or—”

Virgil laughed. “That bad?”

“You don’t share a room with him,” Logan said darkly.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t get randomly hit with butterflies because Roman smiled at you while you were fused with Patton. Let me tell you, that felt very gross.”

Logan tilted his head. “Point,” he said, and stole a triangle of toast already spread with jelly.

“Aftereffects of the fusion?” He said, before jamming the toast triangle into his mouth whole and readying his pen.

Virgil paused, analyzing that, and said, “...weirdly calm.”

Logan nodded, writing this down, and at last the machine died down.

“Okay, Roman, Patton, how are you doing?” Virgil called out. “I’ve got breakfast for you here, if you want it.”

There’s a pause, and then, “I think we want to be Paman?”

“Paman,” Virgil amended, and the fusion stumbled out. He looked almost normal, really—blue and white and red seemed like a much more fitting combination, though the orange sash really was quite hideous, still—except for the four pairs of eyes, the bottom, normally-placed set wearing glasses, the top set clearly Roman’s.

“Ooh, jelly,” Paman said happily, and lumbered toward Virgil, taking the plate with a sunny smile that was obviously Patton. “Thanks!”

He flopped out on the grass, and tucked tidily into his breakfast, eating neatly and swiftly. Virgil and Logan sat, both staring at Paman—Paman seemed to stare back, even as he kept one set of eyes on the breakfast he was eating.

“I love jelly,” Paman said, and then,

“I know,” Paman said, “You always—“

A pause. Paman’s cheeks went a bright shade of red, and they put down the toast. Virgil offered a fist, and Logan reached out and tapped it with his own (a gesture that had taken some explanation for Logan to do on command, now.)

“You really...?”

“Is... are you...?”

Paman trailed off, smiled to himself, and went back to his breakfast, still blushing.

Crack! Pow! Bam!

“Not the nose, not the nose!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz wailed.

Paman was absently holding hands with himself when Logan finished his questionnaire, and nodded, flipping through the legal pad, which he’d mostly filled.

“I suppose the next question is, does a fusion more or less maintain its stability when another person is introduced to the fusion?”

Paman blinked. “You can add more than two people to a fusion?” He asked, and he answered himself in his next breath: “A fusion’s made up of all its parts—it can be anyone, as long as they’re comfortable with each other.” Paman then nodded, as if this made sense to him, and looked at Logan.

“Aren’t you curious?” He said, in his more unified voice, and Logan’s eyes gleamed for a moment, before—

“I suppose,” he said, attempting at casual.

“You sure about this?” Virgil asked.

Paman and Logan spoke as one: “Positive.”

Virgil sighed, but got to his feet. “Guess I’ll flip the switch, then.”

Slam! Pow! Ka-CLANK!

“NOT THE FRIGHTENINATOR!”

“Weird, right?” Virgil said, leaning against the machine, as the unnamed fusion (two sets of arms, two sets of eyes) staggered from the machine.

“Fascinating,” he said. “It seems that adding a person aggregates the unusual physical additions—Virgil, hand me my notepad!”

Virgil rolled his eyes, but fetched it for him, handing it to the left set of arms, which immediately uncapped the pen and began to scrawl.

“Will you two keep your emotions away from me,” the fusion complained, and in the next breath he snickered, “Sorry!”

The fusion scrawled away at length, before he offered a professional nod, and one of his hands.

“All four of us,” he said, and Virgil hesitated.

“It’ll be fine,” he promised, and Virgil sighed, before accepting the hand, and walking back into the machine.

With one last well-placed kick, Dr. Doofenshmirtz went down and stayed down. Deceit, after waiting a few moments, rushed over to the Frighteninator, intent on shutting it down, tiny platypus paws roaming the machine, before—

Deceit let out a knicker that would have had his platypus mother scrubbing out his bill with platypus soap.

He walked out, spreading his arms—one set. And one set of eyes.

“We must look like a normal person,” he said.

He wasn’t sure where the thought originated, and if he focused, he could sense the divide—Logan’s intense curiosity, Roman’s inherent passion, Patton’s ambitions of kindness, Virgil’s worry—but he was...

He was...

He reached in his pocket and dug out a phone, turning it to the front-facing camera to squint at himself.

The outfit had actually normalized into something a normal person would wear—a red shirt, a tan jacket, jeans. His face was...

He squinted at himself. He looked so much like—

my eyes—

—my nose—

—my ears—

—my cheekbones—

—and yet so utterly, completely himself. He was... he was....

The name came from somewhere deep inside of him.

“Thomas.”

He lowered the phone, and took a shaky, wobbling step forward, almost like a baby deer, arms pinwheeling to keep his balance. Then another, and another. They got easier all the time.

It’s like we’re a whole new person, one of them, or maybe all of them, marveled, it’s like we’re a real, actual person.

But he was missing something. He was missing...

Oh, but he was so here now, all together now, even if it was imperfect it was wonderful. The laugh that bubbled up from inside him was truly, wholly felt, until—

What’s that, a thought, sharp, that could only be Virgil, and he looked up in time to see the arc of green light split and head for him and for the machine.

“Uh-oh.”

There was no time for this newly-formed body to hurl itself aside, and so the green light caught him full in the chest, and he doubled over, hitting his knees.

What’s happening, what’s happening—

—green light, could have been gamma-based—

—it’s hurting him, it’s hurting usme, we have to—

—knew something bad would happen knew it knew it knew it knew it—

Distantly, an explosion could be heard—but he was on his hands and knees, vision narrowing in, and he tried to suck in a breath. He can hardly breathe. There’s something pounding in him, deep and strong, overwhelming all his other senses, and his vision doubles, and—

whatshappeningwhatshappeningwhatshappening

—their vision goes black around the edges, and the green-brown grass looms large in his vision, and what’s that noise, what’s that noise—

—heart rate increase, sweat increase, this is epinepherine, this is fear, as if you don’t know anything about it shut up shut up shut up they’ll hear they’ll—

There’s the scent of burning, but it’s so far away that he can’t focus on that right now, and their body feels like it’s splitting, like it’s—

—hurts why does it hurt I don’t want to hurt I want my friends I want to go don’t hurt my friends don’t hurt my friends don’t hurt my—

—but he feels molten, like lava, like he’s about to melt and spill everywhere, and he can’t hold, but he needs to hold, he needs—

—no, no, don’t do this to them, they’re just kids, I can take it, let me take it, I have to take it, I have to be the one who takes it, don’t do this to them, dontdontDON’T—

He tears down the middle, and there’s a pain for a moment, so sharp and unbearable that none of them can breathe, and—

Patton blinked up at the sky. For a moment, silence—streaky white clouds on the edges of the horizon not daring to intrude on the clear blue of the sky; a bird soared directly overhead as if to flout the clouds’ cowardice.

The silence broke with a horrible, rasping breath, and Patton pushed himself up onto his side to see Virgil, rolling onto his side, coated in a green glow. Patton hastened toward him, heart in his throat.

“Virgil—”

“Don’t touch him,” Logan said, already at his other side. “We don’t know if the gamma ray will spread back to us if we touch him—”

Patton’s eyes stung, and he swiped at them in irritation—he hated that he cried when he got frustrated, or angry, or scared. “Can’t we do something?!”

“M’fine,” Virgil choked out, eyes screwed shut. “M’fine, it’s getting better already—”

“Virgil, don’t you dare lie,” Roman said, pale and ashen and—and how is Patton almost fluttery at a time like this, can’t his emotions settle instead of seesawing wildly inappropriately from one end of the spectrum from another?!

Virgil took in a purposefully deep breath, let it out, and offered a weak, crooked smile to them. “I’m fine, see? I’m fine.”

The green glow had lessened, at least. He now just looked like he was bathed in the light of a green spotlight, instead of encased in some green, glowing Jell-O. He pushed himself up onto the elbows, and drew a hand over his eyes, before he squinted.

“Okay, how the fu—I mean heck—do you guys do that everyday?”

“Do what?” Roman said cluelessly, and Patton’s eyes are drawn toward the fusion machine. Or, where the fusion machine was. Now there was just black soot.

Roman shrugged. “Deus ex machina?”

Logan let out a regretful sigh. “Well, at least I have my notes,” he said thoughtfully. “And the blueprints.”

“Boys, I’m home!”

“Hi, Mom,” Roman, Virgil, and Logan called without looking up, Virgil getting a bit more color in his face by the second, green fading and fading until it was just about gone.

“Patton, I’m really okay,” he said, and Patton let out a shaky breath, remembering Moxie, remembering all the fear and worry he felt, but all the care, too—the soft side that he kept almost hidden.

“You better be, mister,” he said. “Or I’ll—I’ll steal all your cookies!”

Virgil’s lips twitched. He looked like a normal person now. “All of them, huh?”

“All of them,” Patton said, nodding judiciously. “For the rest of your life.”

“Sounds serious,” he said, well, seriously.

Logan nudged his glasses up his nose, clearing his throat. “Any lingering effects?”

Virgil held up a shaking hand in answer.

“Let’s get you inside,” Logan said. “And horizontal.”

“Probably a good idea,” Virgil said, and all three of them hastened to help him up—Logan and Virgil grabbing his hands, Roman pushing his back—and Virgil slung an arm around Logan’s shoulders.

“Help me in, would you?” He said loudly, and proceeded to “accidentally” kick Roman in the shin.

“Hey!” Roman said, but his response died when Virgil jerked his head.

And Patton and Roman were left alone in the backyard.

Patton scuffed his shoe over the yard. “That was pretty crazy, today,” he offered timidly.

Roman smiled at him and shoved a hand through his hair—Patton felt his cheeks going red, reminded at this, the most inopportune moment, that Roman knew how attractive he found that, now.

“Good crazy?”

Patton felt his face split into a grin. “You kidding?” He declared. “That was awesome! Well, until the random gamma ray of despair, I guess. But other than that!”

Roman laughed, too, and he said, “He’ll be okay. Gamma rays like that tend to be really temporary.”

Patton sucked in a breath, looked into the living room window, where he could see Logan already pestering Virgil, waving around his notepad before beginning to scrawl with a single-minded fervor. He smiled again.

“I trust you,” he said.

“Yeah, I know,” Roman said, soft, and Patton inched closer.

“So,” Roman said. “Seeing jelly all over your face was what really sold you on me, huh?”

Patton smiled wider. “I think it was a cute look. But I think all of your looks are cute, so, you know.”

Roman smiled, and he offered, “So, um. Do you wanna... do you wanna get ice cream sometime?”

“I’d love that,” Patton said. His cheeks hurt from smiling so big.

“Because you don’t have to you if you don’t want to,” Roman added hastily. “I mean, I get it if you don’t—”

Patton put a finger on Roman’s lip, remembering too much of Paman’s self-criticism, his loneliness, his doubt.

“Roman,” he said. “Dearest. I’d. Love. That.”

Roman’s face broke out into his own relieved smile. Patton hoped he was remembering Paman, too—the butterflies in his stomach, the way he’d felt when Roman had smiled at Moxie, when their hands had first brushed together.

“Pick you up at seven tomorrow?” Patton offered.

“Yeah,” Roman said breathlessly, and he cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. Okay.”

Patton beamed, and leaned forward to press a kiss against Roman’s cheek, watching in delight as Roman’s face went red, too. Patton took his hand.

“C’mon,” he said. “We gotta go make sure Virgil feels better by giving him lots of hugs and sugar.”

“Okay,” Roman repeated, and Patton tugged him inside, where Virgil and Logan were already bickering, and curled up in a corner was—

“Oh! There you are, Deceit!”

#my post #text #my fic #april fools i got you so good!#it's a phineas and ferb au!#logan #patton #virgil #thomas #roman #deceit

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carreraleigh · 5 years

Text

Where the line is drawn (Colt x MC)

A/N: I want to say that this wouldn't have been possible without @vienroose, she helped me a lot to translate this story and corrected me about the writing, thank u so much, I love you <333 sorry if you see any orthographic error, this is my first story and we did the best we could!

I also recommend you to listen the song Flex Your Way Out by Sofi de la Torre while you're reading this!

Pairing: Colt x MC (Ellie)

Rating: PG

Summary: The conversation that mc and colt had in chapter 12 (from colt's perspective)

Tags: @vienroose @zig-nazario @storiesofsass @rwanchoices @mrswalkernazario @the-red-jhon @client-327

Colt was looking out the window, trying to calm what he was feeling at that moment. He would never admit it to everyone, but he was afraid too. He was scared, scared that everything could go wrong, scared for failing, because he knew that if he failed, not only his life would be in danger, his father's life, the crew's life, and even her life, would be in danger.

But he had no choice, he couldn't turn back, "what is done, is done" he said to himself as he adjusted his tie, he was ready for anything.

Until he heard her voice in the next room. At first he thought it was only his imagination, that the desire to see her was playing tricks on him, but he heard it again, and not only her voice, Logan's voice too. He went to the door, trying to hear what was happening.

"I'm not going to let Colt do this, I'm not going to let you do this" she said, fear and anger in her tone.

She was there, in the next room. After days without seeing her, he just felt like he wanted to go out and hug her, feel her, he wanted to hear her sweet voice saying "everything will be fine", "I'm here for you, with you", but he knew that he was just lying to himself, she was not there to support him, she was there to stop him.

He knew that she was there to stop him, he knew that she would do everything to convince him to give up, and if it was up for him, in that moment he would have taken her hand, put her on his motorcycle, and driven, far, far away from anyone and everything, wherever they wanted, only him and her.

But he couldn't. He had to finish what he started and that was not the time to have second thoughts, he couldn't fail the others in that way, he couldn't fail his father, who had trusted him for the first time. But above all that, he couldn't fail because of his selfish feeling of loving her.

"You're going to end up all dead, Logan," he heared her say.

Colt felt his heart stop for a second, and it was there when he realized that failing because of her was not his greatest fear. His biggest fear was losing her because of what he had done.

The whole plan had been thought so that everyone could be free, and it could also means that he and Ellie could be free, but if because of that she got hurt, if because of the plan he devised she got hurt, in one way or another...

If because of him and his plan she died, god, he wouldn't know how to live without her.

If something happened, he could never forgive himself, and everything he'd fought for wouldn't have made sense, no reason. He had to take her away, he had to make her leave because every second she was there, it was a second which she was risking her life. ¿How?, ¿How could he make that stubborn go away and not look back?

He remembered the day he told her that Logan betrayed her, he remembered the fury in Ellie's eyes, all the pain and sadness that made her go away for weeks. He knew what he had to do.

The only way to get Ellie away was to make her want to leave, and that could only happen if she was hurt, only if she hated hated him. The idea of hurting her might have hurt even more, but he had to do it, he had to do it for her.

He opened the door then, and with a voice firm like a rock, said:

"Logan understood my way of seeing things"

He smiled, he loved the way she fought for what she believed was right, but this was not the best time, not the place.

"You're enjoying this, right?" "You're enjoying this, you damn bastard" she looked around, Colt didn't take his eyes off her. "I can't believe it." she started laughing and raised her hands. "I can't believe it"

"You already know what's going on here, I guess" he said, she looked at him again with an expression full of fury and said "Seriously, Colt?, Kidnapping?" she moved closer to him "Kidnapping?" she shouted without taking her eyes off him, "I did what I had to do" he said, coldly, as he felt his own words burning inside him.

"I don't understand," she said "After everything we went through" she tried to stop the tears that were about to fall "¿How could you?" She yelled back and pushed him "¿How could you?"

He let her punch him in the chest, he knew he deserved it, he deserved that she left him forever, without second thoughts, without regrets, but neither of them was capable of doing that, definitely not him.

The hits stopped and he looked at her again, the tears kept coming out from his beautiful brown eyes, something inside him broke, as if a part of his heart was missing, he hated to see her like this, not after all what she had gone through. He had to be strong.

"¿What do you want me to say? ¿Sorry? I don't want to lie to you"

"Ah, ¿now that's the problem? You didn't mind lying about your whole plan!" she said, shouting again.

"I didn't lie to you, I hid the truth, to protect you. You're smart, Ellie. You have to see why I did it" he sounded cold, but every word that came out of his mouth was the pure truth.

"¿Why did you tricked your crew into doing something so stupid and dangerous?" the way she looked at him was killing him, with hatred and sadness at the same time. He hated himself more and more.

"I need you to leave, Ellie" he said to himself.

He took a breath and approached her, he thought of everything that could make him angry, the way Logan had used her, the way his father had never let him into his life, the way everyone could die if this ended badly.

Determinedly and with the heart made ice, he said:

"The rest of them might not love this plan, but they're willing to do what it takes" his eyes flashed as he met her gaze "Even if you aren't"

He regretted saying that as soon as the words came out of his mouth. None of that was true, he knew that Ellie was one of the strongest and capable people he had ever met, and that was the reason why he loved her, she never accepted anything less than she deserved, well, until she accept him.

"Oh my god" she opened her mouth "¿This is your plan, Colt?

"¿My plan?" he smiled thinking about the irony of that question "This was your plan, Ellie. It's you who came up with it, remember?" "They have everything they want but 'we just have to make them thing they don't', make them believe it could all be taken away" he tried to get closer to her even more, but she stepped back "There's only one thing they're are afraid of losing... freedom" "It's the only thing the entire brotherhood will step out of the shadows to protect"

She closed her eyes, thinking. Suddenly her eyes opened fast, implying that everything was falling into place.

"The man in the badgers hat, it's him, isn't it?" she said.

He thought about how smart she was, she discovered all of his plan with just a hint and he knew that he would never be able to hide anything from her for a long time, but there was nothing left to hide between them. After that conversation in the car, he was willing to share everthing with her, his thoughts, his feelings, his fears, he wanted to rule the entire city with here, but, ¿were they ready for that?

"And you didn't trust me with any of this" she said.

He didn't want to put her in danger. If she'd knew the plan, then she would have been one of them already, one who kidnapped a man and handed him to others who might kill him. And he was aware that everything was wrong inside her head, but he had everything clear. Colt only cared about being free and he was far from feeling bad for that man, he had everything he needed to make this plan, the brain, the courage, he could sleep peacefully after sentencing someone to death, but he knew her, the guilt would haunt her forever. He couldn't let that happen, even if she didn't see what that meant at the time.

"I didn't think you had the stomach. And I was right" he said "I knew Logan either" he looked at Logan "My pop said that he got weak ever since you showed up"

Logan had his eyes looking on the ground, he sighed and looked at Colt. Colt and Logan had one thing in common, they both loved Ellie, neither of them would let anything happen to her, but Colt had a reason, a reason to fight, a reason to stay strong, determinated, he had always been like that, but Ellie had also awakened a part of him that he believed didn't exist, the part that cared so much for her, that part that wanted to protect her at all cost, and as much as he hated to admit, he had also become weak, he also had one weakness, her.

But he would never show it, at least not at that moment.

"You know what they'll do to him. This isn't you" he could see the disappointment in her face "This isn't the crew I know. This isn't the Colt I know"

Something came to his mind, the time his father said that she was just a tourist, that she could leave whenever she wanted and go back to her normal life. That wasn't true for him, in any way. Ellie had always shown loyalty, she wanted to be one of them, she wanted that life and they had talked about it. ¿Could he have the guts to say all of that too?, after everything he had said that afternoon in her car, what she was worth, the reasons why he wanted her, how they could connect and use their skills so that nothing would get in their way, damn, they would be the most powerful couple in the whole city, ¿could he forget all those promises just for a moment for both their sake?

"Then you don't know us at all" she shouted "Our life? What we've been thought?" the thoughts of his past invaded him "At the end of this, your dad will take you back. He'll welcome you home" he knew, deep down, that was the right thing to do "You'll go to college, and forget everything of this happened" but he couldn't let her go, he couldn't, and he didn't want to "You're a tourist" he looked at the floor, trying not to see how his words hurted her again and again.

"That's what you think of me?" he heared her broken voice as and echo in his mind.

"They'll be here soon" he said, trying to change the subject.

"It won't work Colt!" she shouted "You're selling your soul for nothing"

He couldn't pretend anymore, his nerves were betraying him and the words threatened to come out of his mouth, fuck, he was breaking her, ¿why was she still there?, the answer was obvious, she didn't want to give up, she still believed that there was a good way to solve it, he thought she was blind because she couldn't see it. He took the last strength he had left, and with all the pain in the world he looked at her again. Ellie's eyes were red, her face full of eyeline because of the tears that didn't stop coming out, and in spite of all that he could still see hope in her eyes, looking for a good answer, but he didn't have the answer because there really was not one. Everything he had said was a lie and it didn't mean anything he really thought, but he saw how the light in Ellie's eyes disappeared, and he knew that he only needed one more blow to get her out of the danger. He bit his tongue, and said:

"Freedom can't be bought. It can only be taken"

Without saying more he turned towards the exit with all the desire to look back, but he knew that if he turned and looked back, everything inside him would collapse.

"Colt, please" he stopped in front of the door "You're going too far, you're not a bad person" she put a hand on his shoulder, she was shaking "¿Colt?" she said again.

He pulled her hand out sharply, and without looking back he said:

"You don't get to choose where the line is drawn"

He opened the door and looked at Logan and trying to hide his feelings he finally said.

"Get ride of her, will you?"

He closed the door and sighed, tears threatened to fall from his eyes, he was sure that he'd lost her, but at least this was all his own decision, he didn't lose her because someone snatched her from his side, not because someone had hurt her, not because someone had killed her.

He could still heared her crying as he walked away, a part of his heart stayed in that room, with her, and he was sure that no matter what happened after this, he could live knowing that he saved her, his most precious treasure.

Or at least he thought so.

#choices #pixelberry #playchoices #colt kaneko #ride or die #colt x mc #ride or die : a bad boy romance

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hamliet · 5 years

Text

Procrastination = ([TGCF + Scum Villain] + [MBTI + Enneagram])

Brought to you by procrastination on an actual meta and a crack fanfic I wanna write. and a semi-functioning brain after a Week TM personally and professionally.

I covered MDZS’s character personality types for the MBTI here and for the Enneagram here, and so now I really wanted to do both of these for the characters from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System and TGCF. Except the thing is I have only read through 114 of TGCF (bless the translators) and there are still about 15 chapters left of Scum Villain, so because I feel like in an MXTX novel anything can happen to change my view of the characters and what they truly want (which is vital to the Enneagram), I’m only going to go with Enneagram for the main characters, but MBTI for everyone.

For the MBT introI: The Myers-Briggs Personality type is older than the Enneagram, and consists of sixteen types based on four different pairs of personality traits: Introversion vs. Extroversion; Sensing vs. Intuition, Feeling vs. Thinking, and Perceiving vs. Judging. To be clear, none of these categories are black and white–for example, all Feelers are capable of using logic, and Thinkers have feelings and care about people–but it’s a cool way of understanding personalities.

For the Ennagream intro: The Enneagram classifies people based on their motivations and their fears into nine basic “types,” and each type also comes with a “wing” to an adjacent type (in other words, someone who is Type 1 can have a 2 wing or a 9 wing, etc.) Each type also has “arrows” meant to depict that as they grow, they grow in the direction of another type, and as they grow more stressed, they disintegrate towards yet another type. There are also “levels” of health within each type (Basic descriptions are taken from the Enneagram Institute.)

Scum Villain

Shen QingQiu (Shen Yuan)-->INTJ, “The Architect”

With a natural thirst for knowledge that shows itself early in life, Architects are often given the title of “bookworm” as children... Architects enjoy sharing what they know as well, confident in their mastery of their chosen subjects, but they prefer to design and execute a brilliant plan within their field rather than share opinions on “uninteresting” distractions like gossip... Architects are simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics, a seemingly impossible conflict. But this is because Architect personalities tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results.

This sounds an awful lot like how SQQ judges everyone in the story.

For the Enneagram, I’d say he’s a Type 5, “The Investigator.”

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

Specifically I’d say he’s a 5 with a 6 wing, “The Problem Solver.” A 6′s core desire is for safety and support.

Luo BingHe-->ESFJ “The Consul”

Consuls love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. This is especially apparent at home, and Consuls make loyal and devoted partners and parents. Consul personalities respect hierarchy, and do their best to position themselves with some authority, at home and at work, which allows them to keep things clear, stable and organized for everyone.

For the Ennagream, I’d say he’s a Type 3, “The Achiever.”

Basic Fear: Of being worthless

Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

I think he’s also more likely a 3w4, “The Professional.” A 4 is motivated to find themselves and their significance in the world, and can be... moody.

Liu QingGe-->ISTJ “The Logistician”

Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. Logisticians have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories.

Ning YingYing-->ENFP, The Campaigner

The Campaigner personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike types in the Explorer Role group, Campaigners are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others.

Ming Fan-->ESTJ, “The Executive”

they expect their reliability and work ethic to be reciprocated – people with this personality type meet their promises, and if partners or subordinates jeopardize them through incompetence or laziness, or worse still, dishonesty, they do not hesitate to show their wrath.

Shang QingHua-->ISFP, “The Adventurer”

Hilariously this is the same type I think Nie HuaiSang is, and I think Shang is pretty likely an HuaiSang prototype.

Adventurers live in a colorful, sensual world, inspired by connections with people and ideas. These personalities take joy in reinterpreting these connections, reinventing and experimenting with both themselves and new perspectives.

Zu ZhiLang-->ISFJ, “The Defender”

The challenge for Defenders is ensuring that what they do is noticed. They have a tendency to underplay their accomplishments, and while their kindness is often respected, more cynical and selfish people are likely to take advantage of Defenders’ dedication and humbleness by pushing work onto them and then taking the credit. Defenders need to know when to say no and stand up for themselves if they are to maintain their confidence and enthusiasm.

While the story isn’t finished translation-wise, I feel like Snake Boy is likely an Enneagram 6, “The Loyalist,” but we shall see.

TGCF/Heaven Official’s Blessing

Xie Lian–>INFJ, “The Advocate”

it is most important for Advocates to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal gets out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed...

To Advocates, the world is a place full of inequity – but it doesn’t have to be.

For the Enneagram, he is a 2, “The Helper.”

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved

Basic Desire: To feel loved

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

He’s likely a 2w3, “The Host.”

Hua Cheng–>ISFJ, “The Defender.”

Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. As with so many things, people with the Defender personality type are more than the sum of their parts, and it is the way they use these strengths that defines who they are.

For the Enneagram, I think he’s an 8, “The Challenger,” and specifically an 8w9, “The Bear.”

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

A 9′s basic fear is of loss and separation, and their internal desires is for peace of mind.

Shi Qing Xuan–> ENFP, “The Campaigner.”

My fave baby.

they are perfectly capable of switching from a passionate, driven idealist in the workplace to that imaginative and enthusiastic free spirit on the dance floor, often with a suddenness that can surprise even their closest friends. Being in the mix also gives them a chance to connect emotionally with others, giving them cherished insight into what motivates their friends and colleagues. They believe that everyone should take the time to recognize and express their feelings, and their empathy and sociability make that a natural conversation topic.

Qi Rong–>ESFP, “The Entertainer”

Entertainers love the spotlight, and all the world’s a stage... they love putting on a show for their friends too, chatting with a unique and earthy wit, soaking up attention and making every outing feel a bit like a party. Utterly social, Entertainers enjoy the simplest things, and there’s no greater joy for them than just having fun with a good group of friends.

Mu Qing–>ISTJ, “The Logistician”

people with the Logistician personality type often prefer to work alone, or at least have their authority clearly established by hierarchy, where they can set and achieve their goals without debate or worry over other’s reliability.

Logisticians have sharp, fact-based minds, and prefer autonomy and self-sufficiency to reliance on someone or something. Dependency on others is often seen by Logisticians as a weakness, and their passion for duty, dependability and impeccable personal integrity forbid falling into such a trap.

Fen Xing–>ESFJ, “The Consul”

Consuls love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated.

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funkymbtifiction · 6 years

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Help! Can you be annoyed by your own cognitive functions in someone else?

I’m wondering if you can help me sort something out. For the longest time I’ve typed myself as an INFP - from back when I started with just the individual letters, but even reading everything here and considering the functions. I’ve always identified strongly with Fi, and the people in my life seem to agree that it’s a ‘central’ facet of my personality (a consistent theme during my wedding toasts was that I know what I want / who I am / what I think and I will often stubbornly hold to that) . However, I’ve never fit certain INFP stereotypes (being very sensitive to criticism, non-confrontational, or broody). But – I know not to trust type stereotypes and Fi/Ne always made sense to me.

But recently I’ve been questioning my type for one big reason: I have a close INFP friend who drives me CRAZY in very Fi-ways. She is basically an INFP stereotype: emotionally-driven artist, strong morals, deep self-doubt, very sensitive to any perceived slight, extremely creative and idealistic.

So my high-level question is: Is it possible to be annoyed by someone’s thinking process if they are the same type as you?

My more specific questions is: am I interpreting these scenarios correctly as examples of Fi-dom/Ne-aux in her – and is my annoyance at them an indication that I am NOT in fact Fi-dom/Ne-aux?

For example:

She has an extremely rigid idea of right/wrong and will write off anyone/anything if she believes they are wrong or ‘bad.’ She won’t even read books or articles by people if she doesn’t think she will agree with them. This drives me INSANE. It bothers me on some extremely deep level how close-minded she is and that she won’t even entertain ideas if she believes them to be counter to her values. I’ve had to avoid being around her at times because this rigidity is emotionally draining to me. I think maybe this is my Ne reacting very emotionally to her strong Fi.

She tends to interpret the actions of others as being targeted at her. For example, she has accused mutual friends of being ‘emotionally manipulative’ when they are simply expressing their feelings about how something she did impacted them. I have noticed that in order to get her to think about it differently, I have to first validate her initial feelings/judgements, and only then is she open to consider alternative explanations (classic Fi/Ne I assume – but to me it seems SO reactive – why put yourself through all that?).

She gets easily overwhelmed by stress and will quit/withdraw from things regardless of the impact of others (and without thinking of alternatives). For instance, she was planning an event for a group of friends that everyone was looking forward to (her idea). She became overwhelmed by the planning (inferior Te?) and canceled the entire thing. I understood that she was overwhelmed and thought it was appropriate for her to step down if it was causing her stress, but I was baffled that she wouldn’t think of other options that wouldn’t leave us all in the lurch. I suggested that I could take on hosting instead with the help of some other friends. I actually enjoy coordinating events so it was the obvious solution to most of us.

There are other example, but I’ll stop there. All of this is making me think that I might actually be an ENFP since my Ne seems to be confused/frustrated by her Fi a lot. Except – I’ve never really doubted being an introvert, despite being somewhat social and very people-oriented. I value my relationships highly, but am really most comfortable alone and always have been. Am I missing some explanation for why her Fi bothers me so much? Is it just because it’s not MY Fi with MY values/beliefs? Help!

It’s possible, yes, to be annoyed by people who share your functional stack, in the same order you have it. It often comes down to a case of a mature person finding an immature one irritating. ;)

From what you describe, there’s three possibilities here and one certainty.

Possibility #1: You are an ENFP. This is plausible, because Ne-doms are not very extroverted and a lot of ENFPs mistype as INFPs. The biggest and most observable difference between them is Ne-doms are instant reactors; there’s no delay between hearing a thing and responding to it. That’s why they have a reputation for being sarcastic, witty, even mean at times -- they hear something, they respond to it, and usually it in some way twists the situation around to mock it or show its weak spots. INFPs have a longer delay, due to an introvert-first process; they are more serious in general than the ENFP (unless they’re a 6w7, which brings an element of “funny” to soften them to appeal to others and deflect harm). Another good way to decide this is to decide if you suck more at Te (organizing) or Si (details) and look for evidence in your daily life.

Possibly #2: You are both INFPs and you’re just finding her annoying. If you’re sure about being Fi-dom, you form almost instant judgments on situations (and then open up with Ne, rather than the other way around), and you have a strong and competent Si... then yes, you’re an INFP.

Possibility #3: She’s an ISFP. You gave me plenty of examples of Fi-dom, but nothing to indicate she’s an intuitive, which means the likelihood of her being an ISFP is high. You should be seeing evidence of Ne, if it’s there (including her changing her mind a lot, over a relatively short span of time); and if it’s not, her “singular focus” could be because she doesn’t have it, and is prone to Fi/Ni loops. ISFPs are just as sensitive and creative as INFPs, but they have low Ni. Being super stubborn about sticking to a narrow point of view without intuitive nuance is the a habit of an unhealthy, looping ISFP -- low Ni locks onto “one interpretation” and misreads the situation. The Fi lacks sufficient Ni maturity to assess their conclusion as wrong, so defends it while rejecting external ideas.

Sounds like her, right?

The certainty is this:if she is an INFP (and not an ISFP in a loop) she is resisting Ne development.

If that is the case, that’s not good. At all. When Ne tries to kick on, healthy Fi users embrace it. It’s new. It’s interesting. It’s full of possibilities. It broadens their perspectives and their minds. It makes the INXP as they get older, “soften” their harsh dominant judgments and realize those judgments do not work in every single situation. It brings in nuance.

But less healthy Fi users don’t want nuance. That’s scary. They don’t want to challenge their point of view, out of fear they might lose it. Seeing the other side of something could shake them from their convictions, and that’s all they have. There are tons of people in this world, and very few of them will actively and open-mindedly go in to explore the opposing views without having a chip on their shoulder or something to prove. They’re scared of what might happen if they let go if their preconceptions and have to start from a blank slate. Some people are okay with uncertainty and not knowing. Your friend, thus far, is not one of them. If she’s Ne, she’s pushing away from Ne, coz it’s scary.

As a result, nothing in her stack is developing right. All she is, is Fi. That’s the central core of her being an identity. Her Ne isn’t working right, which means her Si won’t develop right, which means her Te hasn’t a hope in hell. And, there’s nothing you can do about it, except wait and watch. Life is not going to let her stay this way. It will teach her that these narrow views, and being needy and offended over nothing isn’t how reality works. Reality is, people want you to get the job done, and not be a baby about it. She will come to a crisis at some point in which she will have to choose whether to deny reality, and continue as she is (and face a lot of failure, disappointment and hardship, due to her poor cognitive stack development) or she will ... start developing Ne.

Ne will help her with Fi. It will allow her to be more objective and take things less personally, because instead of assuming the worst from her friends intentions (a hasty, bad intuitive knee-jerk connection -- reading into what’s there, based on feelings, instead of seeing what’s there and intuitively gathering the truth from it), she will stop to think, “Maybe they meant this... or that... or nothing at all... and I’m just overreacting.”

If you are both INFPs (and she sounds ISFP to me), your annoyance isn’t because you’re not her type, it’s because you embraced Ne and she hasn’t. Yet. She may still. Give it time. I understand how frustrating it can be to see someone self-sabotaging like that, and mistreating her friends by being overly self-preoccupied and easily offended, but have some compassion for her. For some reason, she is intimidated by Ne. And that’s sad. But it does not mean that someday down the line, she’ll grow up.

At some point, you had to make the same choice... and you matured. She can mature too. It’s not wrong to challenge her, though. Everyone needs friends to support and love them, and also call them out on their crap. ;)

- ENFP Mod

#question #infp #enfp #mbti #isfp #infp x isfp #type contrast #enfp x infp #infp x enfp #isfp x infp #submission

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flairmagazineblog · 3 years

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Reconcile Your Relationship with Najla Moussa

A family is a crucial unit in every society, and it plays a vital role in imparting values and imparting duties. Children growing up in harmonious households are more likely to form positive relationships outside of their homes. We believe most of us assume relationships to function on autopilot, and when they do not really, we have no idea how to mend them. That’s why relationships are important to every narrative we write, and as a personal writer of character-driven fiction. I used this occasion to pique my interest in love, commitment, and understanding how relationships work. I believe everyone will find the following experienced relationship coach, Najla Moussas’ answers interesting and awakening, Read on!

What is the background that led to you becoming a Relationship Coach?

I’m a writer and have written for several international and worldwide publications on subjects pertaining to wellbeing. Through my research and interviews with experts, I stumbled upon the Gottman Method. It transformed the way I looked at my relationship. A few years ago, I became a certified Gottman- trained Relationship Coach, and accordingly, I’ve used it to help couples and individuals learn how to strengthen and better their relationships by learning how to manage conflict, create a stronger friendship in their relationship, communicate effectively, and reconnect intimately.

When did you have the idea to use your relationship know-how to help others?

When I applied the Gottman method to my relationship, I saw how transformative it could be. It works. People can transform their romantic relationships – current and future ones, too. That’s something I want to help others achieve.

What do you think is the number one contributor to relationship problems?

It depends on what’s going on in your relationship, but some factors contribute to the breakdown of a relationship.

Our busy lifestyle means we are often distracted, which makes it easier for us to disconnect from each other. A research study on young couples showed that the average amount of time partners engaged in face-to-face conversation was 35 minutes…a week. Unfortunately, with digital entertainment readily available, couples spend “together time” streaming series or fiddling with social platforms on their screens rather than face-to-face interacting. This translates into neglected relationships.

Expectations are another relationship killer. One is unspoken expectations – where we don’t communicate to our partners our expectations but act on those expectations being unmet. Or having unrealistic expectations. Esther Perel says it best: Today we expect our partner to give us what an entire village once provided. We want them to be reliable but also risk-takers; safe but also exciting; gentle but also wild. It’s a paradoxical mix of wants that one person can’t possibly fulfill.

Friendship is another big one that is often overlooked. We lose or forget the friendship we built in the dating process of our relationship. We stop paying attention, asking deep questions, and communicating with our partners the way we would with a close friend.

Money is a subject that causes a lot of tension and fights in a long-term relationship. Mainly, our attitude on spending in general – what if one prioritizes saving and the other just wants to enjoy the money now? What do we consider worth spending on –education, vacations, material possessions? Most people don’t talk about money before they get married because they think it’s gauche. But talking about money isn’t actually about money. It’s essentially talking about how we want to live, what our values and commitment to each other and our families are, and our plans for the future.

What services do you offer?

I offer private individual and couple’s coaching sessions, online sessions, private-group workshops, and general workshops. Workshops can be done live or virtual and for safety reasons, space is limited.

What kind of circumstance would preempt someone to contact Relational Coaches?

Anyone looking to strengthen and better their current relationship or looking to break toxic relationship patterns or cycles they’ve repeated in the past.

Do you think marriage has value anymore? What do you think are the pluses and minuses of marriage today?

I think if people stopped looking at marriage as a fairytale, complete with a ‘happily ever after ending, we would collectively be a lot happier in our relationships. This idea that marriage is supposed to provide unending happiness, unwavering support, a place where our partners are not allowed to hurt us, fail us…this narrative is what fails us and makes it an unattractive prospect for many. What if we saw marriage as a place where two people grow together? Not together, but in parallel. A place where we can be flawed and complicated and messy, but also where we can self-explore and self-discovery and be supported on our journey by our partner?

Can relationship coaching help if the partner doesn’t want it or is losing interest in the relationship?

It’s very common to have one partner coming in not wanting to be there. That’s pretty normal. Sometimes we are at the end of our rope and counseling is our last-ditch attempt to save our relationship. So, I will have partners come in feeling disheartened, angry, tired. But when we do the work, sometimes that perspective shifts. When we commit to behavioral changes, we start to see the changes we need. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s too late and one partner (or both) has checked out of the relationship and isn’t willing to be vulnerable anymore and put in the work required. Relationship coaching is a starting point to acceptance, healing, and growth so that you move forward with awareness, closure, and clarity.

What’s standing in the way of many relationships being as good as people want them to be?

Lack of consciousness or awareness. We don’t think about why we react the way we do, think the way we think, feel the way we feel. Poor communication skills are another culprit. We don’t learn from a young age how to communicate effectively our needs. We engage in reactive listening instead of active listening. We don’t know and don’t have healthy boundaries. It’s a combination of many things.

I know a few couples who met online and are happily married. I’m curious to know what it’s like as a single woman in this world of dating apps. Is it scary? Do you recommend it to women who are looking for the right man?

I think there are so many great things about online dating apps. It’s great to be able to connect with someone you otherwise would have had no opportunity of meeting. It’s also great to match up with someone that is looking for the same commitment and shares similar values. Certainly, dating apps have helped us by saving time from investing in conversations with people we don’t want to talk to.

However, the swipe culture is killing long-term relationships. The problem with certain online dating apps is that they don’t cultivate human interaction. There are a lot of inauthentic connections and meaningless interactions. Another issue with online dating is having too many options, which sounds like a good thing but isn’t necessarily the case. Because we might find someone great but think to ourselves: what if there is someone better out there? We have a fear of missing out on the “perfect” person, and so we hesitate to commit.

So, I would say dating apps can be great – if you’re on the right app. There are several out there where the goal is to get to know the person and foster meaningful connections. So, if you’re going the online dating route, think about the platform you are on and if it promotes the kind of connection you are looking to make.

Why is self-love so important in our relationships with another person?

We cannot accept love from others if we don’t give it to ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves, we sabotage loving relationships because we don’t trust them. Also, without having a strong sense of self-worth or self-love means we are more likely to enter into co-dependent relationships where we rely on others to feel good about ourselves.

Of course, self-love isn’t as easy as it sounds. It means loving the shame-filled, insecure, perverse, fearful parts of ourselves. That’s extremely difficult. Let’s aim for self-like. Hopefully, self-love will follow.

What aspect of coaching gives you the most satisfaction?

I love when clients come back to me using keywords, I’ve taught them in session for specific behaviors they’ve been exhibiting. For example, I had a couple come to me and say “Last night, she stonewalled me. And I looked at her and said, ‘You’re stonewalling!'” and they were laughing as they were telling me this. They recognized a behavior and understood why it was happening and that meant instead of being confused and hurt by it, they were able to talk about why one partner was acting this way and how it made the other partner feel. To me, that is everything.

What do you think is the most important thing couples can do to keep their relationships healthy?

Know each other’s dreams. And support each other in achieving them.

How would you describe an ideal relationship?

The “Good enough” relationship. It sounds like settling for less, but it’s not. In a good enough relationship, there are still high expectations. There is the expectation of trust, there is respect. We support each other. We are committed to each other. We are friends. We expect to be treated with kindness and affection. There is love. But we also recognize that sometimes we will hurt each other, we’ll say things we don’t mean, we’ll let each other down. That annoying habit of our partner won’t go away, and there will be some things that we can never agree on. That’s a real relationship. Perfectly imperfect, full of support, empathy, and forgiveness. That’s what we should be aiming for.

Rapid- Fire questions:

What is love?

Trust, respect, integrity, honesty, partnership. That’s love.

Are men and women equal in a relationship?

They bring different things to the table.

What are the most important qualities in a relationship?

Friendship, empathy, and support

Do you believe in the concept of soul mates?

No. We can love more than one person in our lifetime

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I believe in attraction at first sight.

Would you share a toothbrush with your partner?

Yes. If I had to!

Would you rather give up music or television for a month?

Television for sure.

What’s one material thing you can’t live without?

My kindle.

Best advice you were ever given?

Give yourself time to think.

Best advice you would give a struggling couple?

It’s not always as bad as it seems.

Reconcile Your Relationship with Najla Moussa was originally published on FLAIR MAGAZINE

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Cyberpunk 2077 Review

https://ift.tt/3mI17m9

A preface: Cyberpunk 2077 has had one hell of a rocky release, and it’s almost impossible to play the game while also ignoring the controversy surrounding its disastrous console launch, among other points of contention. That being said, in my time with the game—which I reviewed on PC—I remained focused on assessing the game that was in front of me, period.

Cyberpunk 2077 is without a doubt a mixed bag, though its strengths ultimately outweigh its weaknesses. The game blew my hair back with its immersiveness, art and sound design, staggering scope, and production value (at least on PC). But its shortcomings are just as notable, although never catastrophic or deal-breaking. Gameplay has blemishes all over, the writing is tonally inconsistent, and bugs do mar the experience to a certain extent. This is far from a perfect game in its current state. But in spite of all this, part of me fell in love with the game for its ambition, boldness, and eye-popping presentation.

The story is set in the year 2077 in Night City, a Central California metropolis run by megacorporations, populated by millions of cybernetically-enhanced denizens, and poisoned to the core by deep-seeded corruption and crime. You play as V, a small-time crook who by seedy happenstance befriends another gun-waving lughead named Jackie. Together they take on a big-time heist that goes tragically wrong and results, impossibly, with the personality construct of a decades-deceased rockstar/terrorist named Johnny Silverhand (Keanu Reeves) implanted in V’s brain, chopping his remaining life expectancy down to a sliver. V and Johnny must work together to split their respective consciousnesses and take down the Arasaka corporation, whose borderline-demonic tech brought forth their doomed coexistence.

From this point on, you’re free to explore the city and get into all kinds of trouble. There are a multitude of slimy sleazeballs to meet, complete jobs for, and get into shootouts with, as well as all of the other side tasks you’d expect from an urban open world. You can buy/steal cars and motorbikes and use them to compete in street races, stumble upon police shootouts and join in on the action, or steal copious amounts of money and paraphernalia from warring street gangs. There’s A LOT to see and do in this game—the question is, is any of it fun?

The answer is complicated. In short, my answer is “mostly.” I find Cyberpunk 2077’s gameplay to be problematic at worst and, at best, reasonably fun. If the game didn’t look and sound so good, I don’t think I would have enjoyed the gameplay almost at all. I have yet to tire of playing Cyberpunk 2077, but I think that’s a testament to how much I love the audio-visual presentation and the characters, not the gameplay itself.

Before diving into the gnarled, twisted matter of gameplay, let’s get this out of the way: this game world is one of the greatest I’ve ever seen. Several studios have delivered amazing looking game worlds this year, but Night City is a serious design achievement that the folks at CDPR should be very, very proud of.

Looking up at the looming, almost monumental buildings that shape Night City’s skyline is breathtaking, but it’s what you see when your eyes come back down to street level that impressed me most. Trash bags piled up two stories high, plugging up alleyways with graffiti of cybernetic freaks scrawled across deteriorating walls. The environments are insanely detailed, but they tell a story, too: look up and you see big money, squeaky clean windows, and technological ambition; look down and you see a sea of sufferers, psychologically and physically wounded citizens bled dry in the name of corporate conquest. From a purely cosmetic perspective, the game looks phenomenal, but it’s the artistic intention behind the designs that really makes the visuals sing.

As far as technical prowess is concerned, the game is spectacular provided you have the right machine to run it. Texture quality is insanely high, the environments are absurdly detailed, and the game’s lighting, especially with ray tracing enabled, is incredibly realistic. The atmosphere in this game is as thick as I’ve ever seen, and combined with the game’s pulsating, evocative, synth-based score, it creates a mood that few other titles can rival. Simply taking a walk around Night City and soaking in the sights was my favorite thing to do.

The character models are another high point–from the detail of the models themselves, to the way they move, to the top-notch facial animation, every weirdo you meet in Night City is unique and expressive. An interesting thing I noticed was that during some cutscenes that I found to be banal from a narrative point of view were still captivating to a certain extent simply because the character animation and voice acting were so well done. Some of the writing is a little odd, particularly when characters who are meant to be thugs and grifters speak in an unusually formal tone, but overall, the voice actors and animators do enough to make the dialogue-driven moments engaging.

What I fear won’t be discussed enough about this game is its sound design, which is just as excellent as the graphics. Cyberpunk 2077 embeds you in its world better than any game I’ve played this year, and that sense of immersion can be largely attributed to the finely-tuned symphony of sounds that is constantly being streamed into your ears. From the squeaking of leather couches when you sit in them, to the muffled thuds you hear when you drive over speed bumps, to the way crowds sound in enclosed spaces versus outdoor spaces, the level of detail and care that went into immersing the player is incredible. The three-dimensional sound design actually makes the visuals appear more vivid and tactile than they actually are.

As for the gameplay, I found Cyberpunk 2077’s combat in particular to be clunky and a tad slow. It isn’t broken or imbalanced, but it isn’t snappy enough and there isn’t that x-factor that you find in most great shooters that keeps you obsessively coming back for more. To put it another way, The Witcher 3’s combat was so compelling and entertaining that I happily played that game for over 400 hours largely because of the combat. Cyberpunk 2077’s combat is absolutely not what pulled me through the game for the 60+ hours I played it, and there are many reasons why.

Release Date: Dec. 10, 2020 Platforms: PC (reviewed), PS5, XSX/S, PS4, XBO, Stadia Developer CD Projekt Red Publisher: CD Projekt Genre: Action RPG

Combat is of the typical first-person shooter variety, with both shooting and melee combat supported. There are a slew of weapons to acquire and upgrade via the game’s crafting system, and the weapons all look and sound pretty sweet but are somewhat forgettable, which is a shame for a game boasting such a breadth of artillery. The “iconic” weapons, which you earn at different points throughout the campaign, stand out the most and come with useful perks. But none feel exciting to wield are pack the punch of Doom’s BFG or Half Life’s gravity gun. I did however enjoy the smart targeting feature you can access through a combination of smart weapons and a handy body mod, which allows your bullets to find their target no matter what direction you aim and can save your ass if you’re cornered and hurting behind cover.

Then there are the other two pillars of combat: hacking and stealth. Hacking allows you to wreak havoc on enemy tech to sabotage or distract them long enough to give you an opening to pounce guns-a-blazing. You can frazzle a baddie’s optics while you sneak up behind them, take control of all security cameras on a given network, or turn on a flood light to manipulate enemy movements. The possibilities are innumerable, and it all sounds great on paper.

But in practice the hacking system just isn’t all that fun to use. I was amused for a time, as I got increasingly more creative with how I used my scanner to tag enemies and objects and sabotage them from afar. But after a while this system became tedious because it slows down the action to an absolute crawl, and the tactical aspects of combat just aren’t polished or engaging enough to make up for the pause. In the later hours of my playthrough, I found myself almost always resorting to in-your-face combat because, well, it solved problems more quickly.

Stealth feels even shoddier than hacking, unfortunately. In most missions, there’s a big emphasis on taking your targets out quietly, but for me sneaking around almost always led to bouts of frustrated groans and eye-rolls. For one, enemies’ lines of sight are really difficult to gauge—some will spot you from seemingly a football field away, while others won’t notice you cross a walkway mere feet in front of them. On top of this, the window of opportunity you have to grapple enemies from behind is finicky—I’d be standing right behind a guy ready to grab him when suddenly the “grab” prompt would disappear inexplicably, when neither of us had moved an inch. I’d move in closer to try again and he’d turn around and…you know the rest.

I believe that if the stealth and hacking were more polished and refined, or even de-emphasized to a certain degree, it would free up the shooting to feel a lot more kinetic and exciting. As is, the combat grows old over time, which is a real shame when you think of The Witcher 3’s combat system, which is incredible and only gets sweeter as you play.

Games

Cyberpunk 2077: Every Romance Option in the Game

By Matthew Byrd

Games

Cyberpunk 2077: The Best Cyberware Upgrades

By Matthew Byrd

There is a whole litany of gripes I have with Cyberpunk 2077’s gameplay. The driving—be it on four wheels or two—feels slippery and unwieldy. The menus are an eyesore. Melee combat is atrocious. The “braindances”–investigative crime-reconstruction mini-games–are headache-inducing…I could go on. But there were other aspects of gameplay that I did enjoy, like the streamlined stash mechanic, the flexible crafting system, the number and variety of missions available at any given time, and most of all, the well thought out RPG elements.

The character progression system didn’t immediately strike me as anything special, but the more I played the game and explored the five skill trees (Reflexes, Technical Ability, Body, Cool, Intelligence), I found that the omission of a traditional class system actually makes character progression more fluid and encourages experimentation as opposed to nudging (or shoving) you down a particular path of mastery. Although I didn’t always enjoy enemy encounters, I did feel like the different perks I acquired helped me succeed in combat in ways that were easily measurable. For example, the “Vanishing Point” perk, which increases your evasion stat for seven seconds after you dodge if you’re dual wielding a pistol and revolver, totally changed the way I approached enemies. I quit stealthing for quite a while because darting around with my pistols blaring turned out to be super effective for me.

Generally, I did enjoy Cyberpunk 2077’s story and the fact that it’s more character-based than plot-based. The relationships between the characters take precedence over the machinations of the narrative, and I appreciate that. As in most RPGs, you meet characters and complete various tasks and quests for them, but with Cyberpunk 2077, I felt that the characterizations were so strong that I was actually more compelled to find out how the relationships between V and his supporting characters progressed than I was to collect precious loot at the end of missions.

I found all of the game’s characters to be memorable, which comes as no surprise considering the character work CDPR has done in the past. Rogue nomad Panam can be both compassionate and vicious; the dutiful Goro Takemura is almost comically stoic and serious; Jackie’s tight relationship with his family and friends permeates the game in a poetic way. And Reeves does a fine job as Johnny Silverhand, though his style of voice acting took a bit of getting used to for me, particularly when compared to the rest of the cast.

The nice thing about V’s relationships is that the more you explore the city and the more characters you meet, the more possibilities open up to you in the campaign’s final act. There are a multitude of endings that you can reach, but these outcomes are largely dictated by the people you’ve met and how close you are to them.

What irks me about the game’s last act is how it plays out leading up to the ending. After playing for hours and hours in the beautiful game world that is Night City, I was expecting to be treated to even more imaginative environments and enemy encounters at the game’s conclusion. Without spoiling anything, the final enemy encounters and environments are almost laughably unimaginative and generic, and that was a big letdown.

I indeed experienced bugs during my time with Cyberpunk 2077, but far less than I’ve seen for other platforms online. A couple of crashes and a slew of visual glitches definitely cropped up for me, but they didn’t color my experience nearly as much as the game’s positive traits did, particularly in the visual department. The bugs that bothered me most were the ones that affected the narrative, like when dialogue options would be missing or when characters’ voices would drop out inexplicably. But overall I had a relatively smooth experience that was no more buggy than your typical open world game.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

My relationship to Cyberpunk 2077 is a fraught one. I have so many issues with this game that I couldn’t possibly fit them all into this review. And I have just as many positive things to say. The grandeur of the project is both what I love and hate about it. I do wish CDPR had tightened its focus and worked out some of the game’s more glaring issues before rushing Cyberpunk 2077 out for a holiday release. But at the same time, I deeply respect the scope of the studio’s vision. This is a game with a strong sense of identity, and that’s something that you can’t say about a lot of AAA open-world games these days.

Cyberpunk 2077 is problematic, but ultimately I’m a fan of it in spite of its flaws. And I think in time its flaws will be ironed out and my fandom will only grow.

The post Cyberpunk 2077 Review appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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archiveacademics · 4 years

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Retellings: Fanfic or not?

In my first post I discussed the definition of fanfic and came to the conclusion that it kind of depends on your intent. Did you intend to write fanfic? Great, you did it!

But what if there was a kind of fanfic more insidious than that, a kind of fanfic you didn’t even know you were writing? Anyone could write fanfic and not even know it. They could publish it, become a huge success, spawn movies, and not even realize they’d written an AU, OC masterpiece.

Anyone could...including Dan Brown.

Yeah, that’s right. I just called Dan Brown a fanfic writer. Specifically, a person who writes OC AU fanfic about the Bible. And maybe the Catholic Church? I don’t know, I don’t remember Angels and Demons that well.

Now, there are some who would argue with me. And they might even be right. Take Jill Bearup’s first History of Fanfiction video where she discusses the definition of a derivative work. And yes, technically, that might be what Mr. Brown is doing. But he’s not necessarily basing his books on the Bible, he’s just relying hugely on Biblical canon...in some cases even changing the story...

It all goes back to the idea of authorship, which didn’t really come about until the 1700s and the Statute of Anne, mostly driven by book sellers rather than authors themselves.

“The concept [of authorship] emerged as the result of a number of related influences--technical, philosophical, political, sociocultural, legal, economic, and literary...perhaps because our own experience of what it means to be an author is so concrete and internalized--so present to us--we may not adequately grasp all that the concept of authorship implies. We may not sufficiently recognize, for instance, the fact that authorship is a concept, something quite distinct from the physical act of inscription.”

So writes Lisa Ede in “The Concept of Authorship: An Historical Perspective.” The historical perspective she takes is that there is a lot more to the concept of authorship than just writing something down. Monks used to do that all the time, but they weren’t considered authors.

“When we are faced with medieval authors and readers alike, we are faced with a foreign, nonempirical sensibility. We are confronted by authors who are for the most part content to repeat inherited materials, making their own primary contribution...primarily to the area of decoration, and often content to remain anonymous.” (Emphasis in originial.)

Ede quotes Judson Boyce Allen’s “The Friar as Critic: Literary Attitudes in the Middle Ages” here. And I’m so struck by that word, “nonempirical.” What does it mean in this context, though, the context of authorship.

In general it means faith or theory driven. So a nonempirical sensibility in medieval authors and readers is likely meant to convey a sense of being laid back, uncaring of the specific authorship of any given work and more concerned with, perhaps, the content of the work.

It’s an interesting thought, and downright bonkers when compared with the modern era’s obsession with authorial control. The Disney corporation would have a collective anuerism, can you imagine? Communal Mickey Mouse.

So if authorship is so important, but the Bible was written before the concept, is Dan Brown writing fanfic or not?

I’d also like to talk a little bit about the concept of pastiche. (Dan Brown’s not doing this, so forgive me if this paragraph feels shoehorned in, it had to go somewhere.)

Pastiche is like parody, except it celebrates the mimicked work instead of mocking it. It’s a term used a lot in the old school Sherlock Holmes fanfic community (as opposed to BBC Sherlock). The question becomes, if you’re writing an entirely new Sherlock Holmes story in the voice of Sir Arthur himself, where does the line fall between pastiche and fanfic? Are they possibly the same thing? Or may it’s a venn diagram?

Maybe, like my original definition of fanfic, it’s all the intent of the writer. If you intend to create a pastiche (and you do it well), congrats! You did the thing! But if your pastiche is intended to be fanfic, then congrats! You did the other thing!

(And maybe if you intend to write pastiche but it’s not well done you can just call it fanfic and call it day.)

But back the question of the day, are retellings fanfic or not?

I’d like to argue that they are a kind of fanfic, maybe like a subgenre. Because the intent is not necessarily to write fanfic, it’s to tell a story you love or are fascinated with again, but in a different way. Again, but highlighting different characters or hitting different themes in the plot. Which...now that I’ve written it out, sounds a lot like fanfic. But because it can be counted as “literary” it’s not necessarily considered fanfic.

There’s the subgenre name: literary fanfic*.

So there you have it, Dan Brown writes literary fanfic. Who knew?

*Honestly, I love that stuff. I eat it up. Give me a retelling, excuse me, a literary fanfic of a fairy tale or of mythology and I am 100% going to be excited to read it. Never fear, my next spotlight will hook you up with some of my favorites!

#fanfic #retellings #literary #dan brown #middle ages #authorship #pastiche

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plotlinehotline · 7 years

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Hi! I'm struggling with a character aspect integral to plot where one of the main characters has amnesia. In his amnesia he's adopted a new identity but his true self is meant to bleed through as the story progresses and then come to light in a big reveal. How is it best to do this, gradually revealing something is wrong without giving it away? His amnesiac self is best friends with the other main character but she hates his true self who she's never met but knows about due to past. Thank you!!

Amnesia Plots

Disclaimer: The idea of medical induced amnesia is not as common as portrayed in movies and on television, and it is massively misrepresented. For more information, please proceed to @scriptmedic‘s tag on amnesia. These posts are thoroughly creditable if you’re considering writing realistic, medical induced amnesia. If, however, the amnesia you’re referring to is magically induced, then settle in for a bit because I’ve got LOTS to say :)

@meet-the-girl-who-can

Hey there!

So there are a couple layers to this question, and I want to touch on both, but first I think it’s crucial to understand intimately what is causing your character’s amnesia, as the cause will play a big role in how it manifests throughout your story. So if you are you writing about a character who experienced some kind of physical trauma to the head and wound up with amnesia, I highly recommend you check out @scriptmedic’s posts I linked in my little disclaimer, in particular this one.

If the character’s amnesia is the result of some kind of magical spell, curse, supernatural phenomenon, or other fantasy-driven cause, then start by making an “amnesia sheet,” or a page/section in your outline or story notes that is dedicated to understanding your story universe’s portrayal of magical amnesia. The information on this page should answer the following questions:

Who/What triggered the amnesia?

This could be a person, a cult or organization, a creature, or other sentient being that decided for some reason that they wanted this character to have amnesia. It may also be that this person intended to do something else to your character, and the amnesia was simply an accidental side effect.

Additionally, it may not be a character at all, but maybe the result of some event your character was close to and simply absorbed the effects.

Bottom line - who/what is responsible? Who or what is to blame for the amnesia?

Why did they trigger the amnesia?

If the answer to your first question was a person, an organization, or what-have-you, how does that person benefit from your character having amnesia? What problem does it solve for them, or what need does it fulfill? If the character did NOT have amnesia, how would that impact the person’s goals/wants/problems?

How did they trigger the amnesia? (SUPER IMPORTANT)

This is where you get into the details of how your magical amnesia actually works. Even magic needs logic, which means you’ll need to spend some time world-building if you’re not able to really explain what is causing the amnesia. Once you know what’s causing it, you’ll know how it’s even possible for the character’s “old self” to bleed through.

For example, let’s say the character’s amnesia was caused by exposure to like…I dunno, some weird magical beam of light, and the magical beam contains a specific type of energy or element that the character continues to come in contact with throughout their daily life. Once the character’s exposure is lessened, the amnesia starts to deteriorate, and memories of their old life, or feelings they used to have, are able to come through. Scientifically, it makes no sense, but logically? Logically, it does. Magic doesn’t have to be real to be logical.

Now onto the actual question…

How to reveal his true self bleeding through without giving anything away?

If you don’t want readers to know the background of who he actually is until it’s revealed in the story, you’re going to have to be strategic about what you show and don’t show. Strategize based on the following:

1) Point of View

The best way to keep secrets from readers is to stay out of the heads of the characters that know the secrets. You mentioned in your ask that the amnesiac’s best friend knows all about his past. It also sounds like this character is doing everything she can to prevent the character from remembering his past, since she hates that part of him. What that means is that a good portion of her motivation is tied up in keeping him who he is, and to successfully play that out, she would want to know:

A) What caused his amnesia

B) How to stop him from remembering

Which means she would need to do some legwork to figure these things out, and to me it seems like that is a key part of the story. If you’re inside her head, writing scenes from her perspective, it will be next to impossible to hide these motivations, actions, and ultimately this backstory of who he really is. While you can certainly delay revealing certain details until they’re appropriate to share, this entire story seems wrapped around this character’s amnesia, and it gets really tricky trying to tell a story without really telling it, you know?

When facing this conundrum, I would suggest staying out of her head as much as you can. Focus your point of view on the amnesiac’s perspective, since he is the one that will ultimately be remembering this past anyway. What an impactful reveal it will be when he discovers the truth about who he is, and that she knew the whole time and was likely holding him back in his attempts to discover this truth. They’re best friends, yet she was keeping a HUGE secret from him, and that creates immediate conflict in a pivotal turning point in your story.

If you go this route, you’ll want to be dropping hints that she knows more than she says throughout the story, or signs that she’s trying to stop him from looking too closely at these moments where his past self comes through, or even just scenes where she’s absent and seems unwilling or nervous to admit where she was or what she’s been doing. Let readers know that she’s keeping a secret without revealing what that secret is.

Obviously you know more about your story, and you know which point of view will work best, but these are my recommendations based on what you’ve given me.

2) Backstory

Remember how I told you to really understand the cause of the amnesia? This should be a big point of conflict in your plot, which means whatever caused this should return at some point. I talked about the villain needing a reason to induce this amnesia, so obviously it’s going to be a problem if your character starts remembering, and that villain will need to intervene. If there was no villain per se, and it was an occurrence or event that caused it, then think about what that event did to the rest of the world, or if there were others affected. Create an additional conflict out of that moment that the amnesia begun and allow that conflict to come back.

For example, if a villain did induce the amnesia, and they were able to sense that first moment where the amnesia began to deteriorate, then they may act on it. They may come after the character, in order to do something to keep them from remembering, and that intervention may actually accelerate how quickly their memory returns and how intensely it returns. Let your backstory help you. Backstory isn’t meant to make stories interesting - it’s meant to explain why things are the way they are so that you can accurately portray how things ultimately end up. Backstory also adds complexity to an otherwise simple idea. So think deep about the backstory and allow it to inspire you.

I also just realized I’ve been referring to this person who caused the amnesia as the villain, and perhaps if this amnesiac was really a bad person, then whoever changed who they were isn’t a villain in the classic sense of the word, but your plot is too complex for me to try to rectify using that word (and I mean that in a good way ;)

3) Finally - what this all looks like in actual scenes

Congratulations if you’ve made it all the way through this post, because here’s where all this abstract discussion starts to make actual sense. Gradually show his memory returning by using “triggers” or things that cause him to revert, not in personality per se, but in instinctual reactions.

Think of things from his previous life that would evoke strong reactions - fears he may have had, pleasures he enjoyed, significant objects, or sounds/smells. Memories are strongest when they’re associated with our feelings and our senses. So brainstorm a list of possible triggers that will make him react and then pause because the reaction seemed out-of-place. If your character had a notably bad experience with a snake in their past life, and they see a snake and it makes them freak out far more than what seems normal, that could trigger the memory of this terrible snake experience. He also might react in anger to something that shouldn’t have angered him so much, but his instinct tells him that this reaction is appropriate. (These are super basic examples, but you get the idea).

These aren’t full blown flashbacks/visions of the past - they’re just moments of him recalling something. He must know he has amnesia, so these seemingly random memories are likely not a new thing for him. He’ll likely embrace the memories, as long as they’re not too unpleasant, because it’s helping him understand who he really is. Eventually, the memories may get scary, and he’ll want to start pushing them away. That could result in them coming stronger than ever.

At some point, he may start to dream about his past, and depending on its appropriateness in your story, you could then add flashbacks/visions, which would add some more intensity to his internal conflict.

In stories like this, there is also usually one moment near the climax where something big happens that causes the whole thing to come rushing back and they remember everything. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, especially if you’re building to this throughout the story. How you develop everything else I’ve discussed in this post will also determine what this big scene will look like.

In the end…

Work on developing your story some more. Often times you’ll discover problems when you’re plotting and you’ll think you need to go directly to the solution in order to move forward. But the truth is, if you kind of work around a problem, and develop other aspects of your plot, you’ll more than likely come back around to that original problem with a solution in hand, without ever having to actively look for it.

Good luck! I hope this was useful.

-Rebekah

#ask r #character #point of view #amnesia plots #amnesia

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