#I don't even know who I am rn

[heartbreak-sandwich]

I have been CORRUPTED by insane, gay, sexy thoughts of Robin today thanks to this fic, so hear me out - (NSFW incoming)

You, Robin, a strapless dildo, and a Hitachi wand because of course she has a treasure trove of toys to torture you with.

"Lay back. Relax -- or don't. You're cute when you're nervous," Robin drawls, biting her lip coquettishly.

You lay back slowly on the bed, keeping your gaze on her as she kneels in front of you, her strawberry blonde bangs dusting her dark eyelashes as she leans forward and pushes your skirt up, bunching it around your hips.

She palms at your clothed pussy through your nylons, rubbing up and down slowly, eliciting tiny gasps from you each time she presses her fingertips to your clit.

She smiles wider now and pulls a tote from under the bed. She reaches up and pushes down on your chest, forcing your back down against the bed and your eyes up to the ceiling.

"This part's a surprise. No peeking." She ghosts her fingers over your lips before you hear her rummaging around in the tote, the lid closing, and her sliding the entire box back under the bed.

You feel her touch between your legs again, but it's different this time. You hear the tearing of fabric as she rips a wide hole into your nylons and moves your panties to the side.

You gasp louder this time at the slick sliding of her velvet tongue through your folds. She lets out a soft laugh against you, her warm breath making the goosebumps on your skin stand at attention.

Robin loves you like this.

Her tongue feels so good, but it's almost not enough. You need more to bring you to that fiery edge you crave.

"Robin," you almost whisper.

She stops and looks up at you, scrunching her nose with a devilish grin.

"Always so desperate," she purrs before pressing a wet kiss to your clit and sucking it into her mouth. You moan loudly, letting your head fall back onto the bed as your hands find her soft hair, tangling your fingertips into her tresses and pulling gently.

You're surprised when the contact stops with a pop, and she stands up, grabbing her strapless dildo and sucking the short end into her mouth, her icy blue eyes keeping yours in a chokehold before she lets a long string of spit slide out onto the toy, not batting an eye when some drips languidly onto the floor. Resting one leg up on the bed, she pushes it inside of her until it sits perfectly in place.

She stares down at you and smirks.

"I need more of you," you whine as she picks up the thick wand, giving it a twirl before turning it on, the low buzzing sound making your walls clench in anticipation.

"Be careful what you wish for," she burns before pushing the wand hard against your clit, causing you to cry out and buck your hips.

"I'm gonna make you beg to cum on this cock." You feel the sweet, searing stretch of her dildo filling you up almost too quickly before she angles herself just right and rolls her hips into yours over and over again.

Robin's moans are louder than yours now as she fills you to the brim, bringing the head of the wand to rest exactly where you two are connected, turning the vibration up higher. She grinds her own clit against it so that each movement pushes harder into you everywhere.

Reaching up with both arms, you grab desperately at her perky tits, instantly finding her hardened nipples through her button down, and you pinch and twist just the way she likes it.

Robin's eyes brim with tears as she lets out choked up gasps, and her mouth falls open, her words barely decipherable through her bliss.

"I'm -- I'm cumming."

#Robin Buckley #Robin Buckley smut #Robin Buckley x Reader #afab reader #I don't even know who I am rn #All I can think about is Robin #Robin Buckley blurb #Robin Buckley fanfic #wlw stuff #but in a filthy way #I just need her okay #sando writes #yeah I made another banner I guess #idk it feels cute

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

#writeblr #warm up #i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books #(just started book 4) #and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!! #(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. ) #anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild #but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild??? #so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning #and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go #anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct #i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers #i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page. #here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once #it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because #when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area. #i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that #a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN #who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends #i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep #the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them #really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying? #before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over #before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this #which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground #in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween #and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return #don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here #right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing #on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate. #maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe #but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts #long post

[dollypopup]

like. . .are any other Polin fans out there that do not give a singular flying fuck about Debling? we should form a club lol because from the very bottom of my heart and with my whole chest: I could not care less about him. Not sorry, I'm tuning into S3 for Pen and Colin and Pen and Colin alone

#polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #like. . .i keep seeing all these theories about debling and i'm going '. . .and?' #someone: what if debling- #me: don't care. when is colin back on screen? i miss my boy #because really. . .who gives a fuck? he's a random oc who's gonna be gone by ep 3? #frankly i don't give a shit about him in any capacity #and tbh. . .like it's not even a contest for me. colin is SO much more attractive and appealing than debling #no shade to the actor i'm sure he's lovely but guys. . .luke newton is SO fucking fine #tired: colin gets jealous of debling because he's courting penelope and thus disapproves of them #wired: colin distrusts debling because he's a vegetarian and colin the foodie cannot trust a man who cuts out an entire food group #inspired: colin is friendly to debling and can always hype pen up around him but debling isn't listening because he's queer and likes him #y'all just 'care' about debling because he has no traits rn and you can turn him into your perfect male oc prize for penelope #'i ship pen with options' and i ship pen with colin. . .you know. . .like a polin shipper. . .crazy how that's. . .how it works #anywhoozle i am first and foremost a hater #fellow haters come join me we meet up on tuesdays and we have snacks

[wikiangela]

tease tidbit tuesday💀

tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck 💖

hi! so, yesterday I randomly opened the doc with the buddie death cast au - which is a fic I started writing last summer on vacation and never got back to it but then made progress lol it's gonna be MCD, which i know is not everyone's thing so feel free to ignore this 🤣 it's basically buddie in the universe of the "they both die at the end"/"the first to die at the end" books so it's gonna be sad, sorry lol (I never even read mcd, idk why i'm writing this but this idea just wants to be written i guess haha) gotta put this weird mood I've been in lately to good use and finally write this 🤣 not sure if I'm happy with this snippet, but it all needs editing, the first two snippets were written on my phone and haven't been edited yet lol

I posted two snippets so far, gonna link them both snippet 1 | snippet 2

___

“Is all of this clear, Eddie?” she asks in the end.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” he says shortly. He should've just hung up immediately. Or cancel this stupid subscription after Shannon died. Sometimes he wonders if maybe people who get the calls and coincidentally get into accidents, for example, just give up and refuse to fight because they think it’s their time. Not like Shannon could do much, her injuries were too severe when they got there, but the point stands. Maybe they get more reckless, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway. 

There’s a short pause on the line, but then Jane speaks up again, her tone softer, more sympathy seeping through.

“I know it’s not easy to accept, if you’d like some help with that, on out website you can find therapists and grief counselors specializing in-”

“Listen.” Eddie interrupts. He’s spent enough time in therapy. He’s not doing it on his supposedly last day. “I know it’s all bullshit. I don’t care. You said what you had to say, I listened, for whatever reason.” he rolls his eyes. He really should’ve hung up, or not answered at all. “Is this conversation over yet?” he asks and is met with another moment of silence. She’s probably wondering what everyone else always is: why is he even spending money on this if he doesn’t believe. He has an answer ready to go, but that’s not what she asks.

“Can I ask you a question?” she says quieter, whispering, probably not allowed to go too much off-script. 

“Sure, why not.” he shrugs. He’s wide awake now, anyway, he’s not in a hurry. Not like he’s dying anytime soon.

“If it was your last day, how would you spend it? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.” she adds quickly, her tone much softer and gentler now. Eddie’s mind immediately supplies a picture of Christopher and Buck, just a casual hang-out, like usual, maybe going to the movies, or the aquarium, or the planetarium, something fun for his kid. And later a gathering with the rest of their family, maybe a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s, with Maddie and Chim, and Hen and Karen, all their kids, just everyone having fun together. Yeah, that’d be a perfect day. “There’s no harm in spending today just like this, if possible. Just in case.” Jane adds, still whispering. He doesn’t tell her that’s more or less his plan, anyway, for the evening after his 12-hour shift. During which nothing will happen to him, because Death-Cast doesn’t know shit. “Well, lastly, Eddie,” Jane’s voice is back at normal-volume, tone strictly professional but sympathetic, as she recites the end of her script, “on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we’re so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest.”

Eddie hangs up without a word.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

#tease tidbit tuesday #death cast buddie au #buddie wip #buddie fic #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #angst #buddie angst #mcd #i don't know how yet but eddie will die in this one bc apparently ive been in the mood to break my own heart lmao #i wanted to say maybe i'd share smth happier tomorrow but i don't think i have any happy wips im actively working on rn??? #there are happy wips in general but im not really in the mood/inspired for those rn #ran out of happy when i finished the natalia fic i guess lol #who even am i lmao what's with all the angst and sad im usually all about fluff 🤣 #(gonna share some more of alive shannon tomorrow!) #btw if you haven't read the books and have questions hmu but also i'll try to make everything clear in the fic lol #but also SO recommend the books they're so good and so sad and I think about them like at least once a week (the prequel wrecked me)

[whatthefuckisasweep]

sighing and putting my head in my hands and crying and throwing up as i think about stanley uris and how he was the most terrified loser.

how he was deathly scared of being dirty, of not knowing where he was, of not being able to predict the world around him. how he was more scared of his world order being offended than anything else. how knowing that pennywise is real sent him down this spiral of 'what else can be real' and it broke him. but he STILL was the one who cut everyone's hand and made the oath. how bill constantly reminds him of his bird book and how it saved him. how he is more mentally fragile than eddie. how he's one of the only Losers who ever says "i can't do this", but he still gets to his feet and makes jokes right after he cries. stan uris, who, after Mike is like, "i just saw a killer bird!" goes, "what kind of bird?"

thinking about how we really don't know how his death went down so we don't know what he was thinking in those last moments. how he threw away his whole picturesque life because of a promise he made, and because he couldn't honor it. how he's such a private person, a quiet one, but he's so so so sharp and graceful. i wish they showed more of his fear in the movies, how much it fucked him up in the end.

stanley uris i think about you a lot.

#it #it book #stanley uris #stan uris #i love him. #i literally am so emotional about him. #i usually don't have two favorites #but stan is like. he's really good. the it fandom is challenging my 'i dont change my selected favourites' view #im usually so decisive about these things and i know without doubt what im going to like and not like #but this media keeps surprising me. at first i even like. did not care about stan at all #the movies made me confused about him. i was like. who tf is this guy #but now hes arguably my favorite #and i just REALLY love his character. like i love. him. so. bad #i need to rant about him rn #and i need to just scream about this into the void or else ill just like. have unfettered energy #its literally 4am. im crying. im crying. IM CRYING I LOVE HIM. #it movie #losers club #the losers club #somenoe just yell about him with me rn

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

fire and the thud came on my spotify shuffle while me and my sister were listening to music this afternoon, and at the end of it she turns to me and goes “who was that? the lyrics sound like the kind of thing you’d write” and honestly i think it’s one of my favourite unintentional compliments i’ve ever received

#the fact that she’s been reading my writing since we were both kids and knows that side of me better than anyone too #idk it just made it really hit with that bit more weight #also something about it was weirdly validating #because like that whole album has such a special place in my heart #i have never heard anything that connects me so fundamentally with my creativity in the way humbug does #and so to have someone who knows nothing about am go ‘hey these lyrics remind me of the way your mind works’ #when hearing those songs for the first time sometimes felt like someone had reached into my brain #was just #yeah #i don't even know actually #i'm not trying to claim i can write like alex btw #i'm not delusional lol #but i do hear echoes of myself and the way i connect with creativity so often in his writing #which is i think why i connect with it so much #even if i express that creativity differently #(and with less skill) #sorry i'm just rambling at this point #i feel like i'm not explaining this well at all but my brain is so foggy rn #so i'm going to shut up now and go back to my book #thanks/apologies to anyone who's read their way though this whole ramble #humbug #lulu posts

[gibbearish]

kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it

#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you #youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying #and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away #like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right? #like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine #peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that #in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids #by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to #which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering #things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much #idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it #like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch #so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling #like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right? #and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression #bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad #and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn #so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference #idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough #just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more

[jackexmachina]

6x22 // The Man Who Knew Too Much Sam. My name is Sam.

image description: a scene from "The Man Who Knew Too Much"

Sam, Dean, and Bobby stand across from Castiel in an alley, refusing to go along with his plan to stop Raphael. Castiel looks down, disappointed. He speaks to Dean, saying, "I wish it hadn't come to this. Well rest assured, when this is all over... I will save Sam." Dean looks confused as Cas continues, "But only if you stand down." Dean interjects, "Save Sam from what?" Castiel disappears and they all recoil slightly. Castiel is suddenly standing beside Sam; Dean and Bobby turn to watch as Castiel raises a hand to touch Sam's temple. Sam looks confused and then his eyes roll back as the screen flashes white. Then, Sam is crouched on a motel floor with the bartender from his memories. He is shaking like he's just received a vision, and she tries to get his attention, saying, "Hey. Hey! Are you okay?" He eventually looks up at her and says, "Sam. My name is Sam."

#I don't even know if I can explain how insane I am about this moment #like contextually it doesn't even explain very much for sam in his mindscape except. his name is sam. bc cas called him sam. #(I also recognize that cas is effectively murdering him in this moment but don't worry about that rn) #anyway episodes of all time <3 #*mine #the man who knew too much #6x22 #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #sam and cas

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache

#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least) #mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation #“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist #rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity) #no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people #anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately: #“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH #YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH #youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH #carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh #“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense #2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory #“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида” #<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand” #i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me #let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple #“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘” #avart #m2 #i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional #dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him #tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him #sorry. not normal bout them. not at all . #rocco & carlo

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[xxlovelynovaxx]

[Img ID: post reading "it doesnt matter if we're feminine or masculine or androgynous. they'll want us dead anyway. THIS POST IS ABOUT TRANS MEN AND TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE. DO NOT DERAIL. MAKE YOUR OWN POST." /end ID]

I think actually we've reached terminal selfishness and self-centeredness when "look basic transphobia. THIS IS ONLY ABOUT SOME TRANS PEOPLE. MAKE YOUR OWN POST" is considered acceptable behavior, like

1 this is the reblogging posts site. if you don't want it "derailed", turn off reblogs

2 it's not "derailing" to talk about experiencing the exact same type of oppression for the exact same reasons. like, this is tagged transandrophobia. y'know, the word coined to talk about oppression UNIQUE TO or MORE TYPICALLY EXPERIENCED by trans men and mascs? Like I know we're all super sensitive to "it's just transphobia" because bad faith actors use it to shut us up about our own oppression, but even if transandrophobia is ANY transphobia experienced by transmascs, this one is SO not unique and SO universal that calling other trans people "derailing" for daring to acknowledge they experience it is honestly transphobic itself

3. Are you being transmisogynistic or exorsexist it both? Do you find it offensive that a group even more erased than transmascs (trans people who are neither transfem nor transmasc) might "take the spotlight" by experiencing the same pain as you? Are you just mad that transfems suffer from hypervisibility (a key factor in transmisogyny, no less) that you're wrongly viewing as some sort of privilege?

Like this is the logical end conclusion of exclusion, separatism, and the idea that it's immoral or even just dickish to talk about SHARED experiences of oppression. Even those who aren't convinced that there's no overlap and oppression fits into neat little boxes based on your actual identity (and that people with multiple identities experience each oppression as discrete separate forms of violence OR a new unique form of oppression that no one else ever does) are like "I have the right to shut people out of a discussion of their own pain and trauma just because *I* experienced it for THIS reason

Like, I draw the line at someone saying anything more exclusionary than "oh I didn't name all groups that experience this because this was a more personal vent post, but please share your experiences because this isn't exclusive to us".

Idk I can't even articulate what's so gross and off-putting about this. But whatever, this intersex transneufemmasc is making their own post so they aren't (implied) transandrophobic by, idk, being transmasc but also other things and experiencing this same thing based on those other identities, or acknowledging that those other identities share these experiences in the absence of transmasculinity.

Also, nontransmasculine/non-trans-men experience transandrophobia, you fucking asshole. Transneutral, abinary/atrinary, neutrois, maverique, and other trans people that are seen as transmasc by bigots experience no material differences in the oppression they face. Their experiences are almost identical to yours - except they have to either be misgendered to be acknowledged or get erased. What functional difference do you think there is between an afab person pursuing what you forcibly label a "masculine" transition facing this exact shit, and you, other than that they respect your gender and you don't return the favor. Or you do, only to shut them out of a conversation that they have less of a voice in than you do.

That's just fucking transphobia. Fuck off.

If you're being so defensive over past trauma you bite people BEFORE you know they're unsafe, maybe you need to get a fucking grip.

#cw discourse #the logical end course of “no ME MINE ONLY MY OPPRESSION NO TOUCHY GO HAVE YOUR OWN CONVO SOMEWHERE ELSE” #is the total destruction of any community #like sorry actually it's impossible to do community building if you're gonna throw a tantrum about SHARED TRAUMA #fuck off #I do not have the energy to extend any good faith rn tbh #I'm so fucking tired of the experience of being multiple things and being shut out of all involved communities for being multiple #only with sometimes 'well you ARE x so you're allowed I GUESS but NEVER TALK ABOUT BEING y' #like x and y aren't inextricably intertwined #I am not transfem. and transmasc. and transneutral. I am transneufemmasc. #I know I sometimes only include some for convenience but like. the truth is I will always be all those things #so I have a right to speak #and I just KNOW they would consider it derailing to even talk about how I experience it as a TRANSneufemMASC #because they don't actually mean it's about trans men and mascs #they mean it's about people who are EXCLUSIVELY trans men and mascs #well actually it's about just them but they can't pretend it's praxis to tell other people it's derailing to join the conversation #if they just say 'this is about me. other people shut up' #funny enough if it just said 'personal vent post. please make a new post if you want to talk about your experiences' #I'd respect that FAR more

[nebulouscoffee]

Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this

#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to) #I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky #I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine #and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve #and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn #I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky #(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things) #(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe) #anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D #I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one #even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends #how do Trills even exist #how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now #and still function #how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her #does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically? #does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now? #does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day? #does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more? #idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually... #(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao) #cw death

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[menstits]

Still thinking about the anon from yesterday and the more i think about it the more mad i get like you're insane for calling kaeya mid i hope you blow up. Bitching in the tags ft arguments my smart sexy boyfriend brought up yesterday while we were talking about this so credit where credit is due

#🗨️ #LIKE. #kaeya-diluc brotherly issues are interesting because kaeya is by far the most interesting character in the game sorry #like. genuinely i wanna know what they meant by the two of them having a “trope that's been handled better by other media” #because their deal is not just ougj brothers fighting #it's specifically about kaeya being adopted and about his conflict with belonging to a nation and a community and a family #and his loyalty to his duty and his birth family vs his loyalty to the city and family who took him #the only thing i could think of that has handled similar themes better is the untamed but that's literally a show based on a novel #so i feel like comparing them is a bit unfair #like ofc i know there's sibling drama out there 🙄 but that's not why kaeya brotherly issues are interesting #there's his dynamic with diluc his dynamic with crepus AND diluc's dynamic with crepus too #other than kaeya' #s whole thing with his birth father #idk. kaeya haters need to die a thousand deaths #i am Not articulate enough rn I'm still dying from back pain but you get me. you agree. if you don't you can fall over snd exlode #like there's a specific power dynamic at play in regards to the adopted child survivor of a fallen nation being rejected for that fact by #his adopted brother. on the night of their father's death. like yes i know diluc is stupid yes i know they still love each other as brother #even if their relationship is tense i know it's set up for eventual reconciliation #but just kaeya's whole deal IS about family. in general. #a bunch of characters' deals are about family in general like i could start listing them and it wouldn't end it's just like kaeyaaaaa #kaeya. is the guy of all time